#but also I want them to be arguing passionately over the stupidest shit

[hardly-an-escape]

ooh you know what I'd love for BuckTommy in S8? totally meaningless high stakes domestic squabbles.

I want one of them to be a handwash everything guy and one of them to be a yeah the knives go in the dishwasher guy. I want one of them to insist on shoes off in the house and one of them to not give a shit. I want one of them to have the fanciest home espresso machine on the planet and the other one to drink those fuckin nescafé instant coffee packets.

I want them to arrive at a family dinner, eyes blazing, barely speaking to one another, and then ten minutes into the episode we learn that they've actually been arguing about whether you should get dressed sock-sock-shoe-shoe or sock-shoe-sock-shoe. or whether the end of the toilet paper roll goes over or under.

[izalee]

Never Stopped - Dream

- yet another result of spike of motivation, as well as the intense need to cry.

- not edited, there’s very likely miss spelled words oopsies.

- 1,163 words.

- dreamwastaken x female!reader ,, she/her pronouns used ,, ANGST TO FLUFF.

- likes are loved and reblogs are appreciated <3

Hope you enjoy!!

Things hadn’t been the best recently. They were big personalities, passionate in their own feelings and stubborn to admit when they were wrong in a situation. They’d talked about this before, they both knew it was something they had to work on but it’s hard to change old habits.

y/n’s arms were crossed on her chest. “How hard can it be to just grow up and admit that I’m right, Clay!”

The man’s expression turned sour, “Oh, come on. You act as if you’re so grown up yourself y/n. You’re not, by the way. You argue with me over the stupidest shit, just shut the fuck up!” He shouted at the smaller girl after turning around in his spiny chair to face her.

The petty arguments had the tendency to become screaming matches extremely quickly. After arguments they’d half heartedly apologize, not wanting to lose each other but also not really wanting to admit to being wrong for the sake of their own egos.

They’d lay down next to each other at the end of the day, not having the strength to go on any longer. They’d whisper sweet nothings into the other’s ears, desperate to forget about everything said in the days-worth of arguing.

“I’ll always love you, no matter what forsaken words come out of my mouth when i’m angry. I love you so goddamn much y/n.” The words dripped off of clay’s pretty pink lips like sweet honey.

He did, he meant it when he said those three words. He always meant it, no matter what. Clay truly did love y/n, and y/n the same. But when you are told differently by actions and reactions every single day for a period of time, youre confidence in the other person’s words slowly diminishes.

The words slipped in through one ear and out the other as tears welled up in her eyes, “i love you too, clay.” She spoke in a whisper. she wanted to believe him, she really really did. But how could she after everything she’s heard these passed few months.

All she could do was hope that her love was enough for the two of them.

It wasnt.

Or rather, as time went on, it didnt feel like it was.

Present time y/n stood in a pair of black heels, adorning a pretty red dress that reached to right above her knees. Her hair perfectly pinned back, and her makeup as perfect as she could manage to get it alone.

The only thing missing is the happy smile that once plastered itself on her face, which was replaced with a frown and slumped shoulders. “We have plans for today, what do you mean?” Her voice was small as she spoke, watching her boyfriend run around his recording room looking for something.

“We can do something tomorrow, please.” He was begging. “We’ve had plans to record this stupid video for like two months, this is the only time we-“

y/n cut him off, a hard look on her face to mask the immense hurt that she felt. “Today is our anniversary, clay. Why would you make plans to record on our anniversary day?”

Clay shrugged it off, plopping himself down at his desk after finding the wire he had been searching for. “Its the only day we were all free.” He mumbled, connecting to wire into his computer. y/n gaped, her jaw hanging slightly.

“You arent free today, you dickhead. You have your 6th year anniversary with your girlfriend!” Clay shot a look towards y/n, she could tell he was getting annoyed which only made her angrier.

She took the jacket she was wearing off of her shoulders, throwing it on the office couch angrily. “And now you have the audacity to look at me like i disgust you? You know, you’re not the person i fell in love with. You are someone who i wake up next to everyday and do not recognize!” Her face becomes hot in her anger.

“You’re talking, i literally wake up every day anticipating an argument between us. And i go to sleep telling you i love you in hopes of that preventing the fights! If i’m not that same person then you aren’t either!” Clay shouts, pointing an accusatory finger at the woman in front of him.

All is silent and tears pour down her face, her makeup running with it as she keeps her gaze focused on her fingers. “So that’s what it is then, huh? I knew it had to be something, because you can’t just go from an entire day of yelling at someone and making them feel as if you cannot stand them, to then lying down next to them at night and confessing your love for them. That’s not how it works, that isn’t love.” She shrugs helplessly, her arms lifting for a second only to be dropped back against her thighs with a sharp clap.

“I do not hate you-“ clay gets cut off again, y/n finally looking him in the eyes. “you dont? Can you even say that for sure, clay? Do you even say you love me and mean it anymore? Because everyday its feeling more and more like we are in over our heads when it comes to this relationship.” She let out a shaky breath that she didnt know she was holding in.

A large, choking breath escapes clays mouth before he can stop it. He stares at his lover for a few moments before standing up and taking a few steps towards his love.

His large hands engulf the sides of y/n’s neck, he leans his forehead against hers. “I love you more than words can ever explain. You are my favorite thing about my life, you always have been. I’m so sorry i let it get this bad for us, im sorry that ive been making you feel like the love isn’t there anymore because i swear to you it is.”

Tears fall from both of their faces in the silence, all to be heard is heavy breaths and hiccups as the couple cry into each other’s shoulders.

“Ive been feeling so alone in a house with just us two. Ive been questioning wether there was anything to even fight for anymore, and i cry myself to sleep in your arms because i stopped believing you when you told me you loved me months ago.” y/n sobs, wrapping her arms around clay’s waist.

The man shakes his head, repeating out whispers of apology to his woman. “I’ve never told you that i loved you and not meant it, from when we made those stupid letters when we were fifteen to now..” he trails off for a moment.

“We’re gonna stay home today, and cuddle up in bed with patches, and we’re going to reread our love letters to each other. Because i need to prove to you that i’ve never stopped loving you, and i dont plan on stopping anytime soon.”

[knifefather]

*stops car at your drive thru* CAN I GET UUUUHHHH hate fuck with prosciutto after a paired up mission?? like a heavy discussion about how it went and then 🥴 uhhh yeah and extra fries

will that be all for your order?? ok your total is $4.69, please pull up to the first window

Content Warnings: Hate sex, physical violence, blood, abusive language, breeding, impact play. This is not a healthy relationship. Somewhat happy ending! 18+ ONLY.

via porunareff

Prosciutto was stone-faced while the two of you checked into the soddy hotel, located on the outskirts of a small town. You had just finished a mission with your partner and were hunkering down for the night before returning to Napoli. Prosciutto was curt with the front desk receptionist, taking the key and turning on his heel, expecting you to follow. You did begrudgingly. 

It was obvious why he was ignoring you--you had put yourself in danger during the mission to make sure that the two of you succeeded. Prosciutto’s Stand was strong, but not the best in hand-to-hand combat situations. You took it upon yourself to use your Stand to knock back the enemy. He tried to whisper to you a plan, but you didn’t listen. It was a 2 versus 4 fight, and by jumping in the middle and using your ability, you managed to knock out 3 by a sheer stroke of luck. Prosciutto was furious even after his fist collided with the face of the only remaining enemy. Even then, he didn’t raise his voice to you but called you, to quote him exactly, “The stupidest dumb shit I have ever met in my life.” You took his insult with a grain of salt. You had to control your temper, or he would be the one that you fought next. 

But now you were considering that grain of salt as the two of you silently boarded the elevator. The doors closed with a sliding sound, the apparatus taking you up several floors. Prosciutto still wasn’t looking at you or talking to you, standing with his hands folded behind his back. You had enough of this crap. “You’re still mad? Really?” you asked, turning to face him, hands on your hips. 

“You could have gotten yourself killed and jeopardized the mission. I had a plan,” he shot back, his words like a dart. 

“But I didn’t, and we’re fine.” 

“You’re missing the point.”

The elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open. Without missing a beat, Prosciutto and you exited and you came back with your rebuttal. “What point am I missing? We got the info Risotto told us to get and killed the bad guys. I don’t see a problem,” you argued, folding your arms. The both of you walked and talked, Prosciutto checking out the room numbers while also listening to your ridiculous excuse for an argument. 

“Your recklessness could have cost us dearly. You don’t understand the consequences of your actions.” He came to a sudden halt in front of a door, checking out the number a second time before swiping the keycard on the reader. The fact that he was being so casual about insulting you and your abilities tapped into your hidden temper, the temper that you tried to keep in control of. That control was slipping away, and you were glad that Prosciutto found the room because as soon as the door closed, you were on him like stink on shit. 

“It’s like you want us to fail. It doesn’t matter if something could have gone wrong, nothing went wrong! Get off your high horse and stop acting like you’re fucking perfect or something,” you shouted at him. You were almost nose-to-nose with him, puffing your chest out in anger. Your reasoning was irrational and you knew that, but the pent up anger from all the snarky remarks that Prosciutto has ever said to you consumed you at once, and you let him have it. His expression was neutral, but you could see behind his eyes were his patience was beginning to wear thin. 

“Stand down, y/n.” His tone was harsh, his nostrils flaring as he controlled his breathing. 

“I hate your fucking guts!” you shot back. Black spots consumed your vision and you lost control of your body. You swung, hard, and nailed Prosciutto dead in the nose. He exclaimed and staggered back only a bit before bouncing back, grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, brows knitted tightly with anger. Blood was beginning to trickle from his nose now crooked nose.

You didn’t say anything, but wrenched one of your arms from his grasp and moved to hit him again. He anticipated you this time, catching your smaller fist in his larger one. He grabbed your wrists, restraining you and trying to lead you to the office chair nearby. “You’re being unreasonable,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. The black-clad man had a good hold on you, but your strength tested him. You made eye contact as you struggled, a few strands of hair dangling in your face. He maintained his smoldering gaze on you, shoving you down into the chair and holding your wrists to the arms of the chair. He leaned down, putting his weight on them, and stared you down. 

You felt some of the fires of wrath die down in you, only to ignite something else in the same vein. The same hazy, intense look crossed over Prosciutto’s face. Sucking in a breath, you took a leap of faith and crashed your lips against his. He made a startled noise but only took a few moments to respond. He didn’t release your hands, but kissed you back harder, tilting his head to the side. Even now, he wanted to tame you, wanted to show you that he was in charge as he slotted his mouth against yours. You huffed into the kiss, your tongue slipping in to mingle with his. Prosciutto was already on it, fighting you for control of the situation. He took his weight off of your wrists and hoisted you up, holding you close before shoving you on the bed. The reserved way he grabbed you initially was gone--he wasn’t scared to be rough with you now.

The realization of this dawned on you when Prosciutto climbed on top of you, pinning you to the mattress. He returned his lips to yours, groaning softly against your mouth while he grabbed for your clothes. His blood was starting to get everywhere, but you paid no mind to it. The gangster was passionate, yet methodical, something that you loved but hated about Prosciutto. At this thought, you shoved his jacket off of his shoulders, tossing it on the floor. He pulled back from the kiss to bitch at you for throwing his clothes, but you chased him, pressing your lips to his against before he could speak. It was sloppy, disorganized, very unlike Prosciutto in every way, but amazing. Your fingers worked the tight buns on the back of his head, pulling the ties off. His hair spilled down onto his shoulders gradually, all the while he was kissing you feverishly. He yanked off your pants with his own to follow, not pausing even for a moment. You loved the intensity, the heat, the way his body pressed into yours. He handled you with pure desire behind his touches even though his forehead crinkled in irritation from your incompetency. He ripped off your shirt, and you undid your bra before the garment could face his wrath. He began kissing down your sternum, nibbling you harshly as he did so. The sexual tension you felt was heightened by the frustration you felt. Even the pleasure he gave you pissed you off, it left you wanting more, and you roughly thrust your hips against him. He growled against your lower stomach and breathed over your sex through your panties. “Impatient brat,” he gritted, running his fingertip over your pussy. “Always so quick to jump the gun.” 

A frustrated sound came from your throat as he hovered over your panties. “Come on,” you encouraged, bucking your ups into his face. Prosciutto grumbled something to himself before ripping your panties off of your body, the dainty cloth reduced to shreds. You gasped in surprise at the sudden action but was quickly relieved as his tongue made contact with your clitoris. The burning feeling of need revved hot in your tummy as his tongue grazed over your clit. He had no reservations, because as soon as he adjusted to your taste, he dove in, lapping and licking your cunt for all that it’s worth. You squirmed under his mouth, the wetness between your thighs increasing with each swipe of Prosciutto’s tongue. Your flavor burst over his tongue and made his cock impossibly harder in his pants, almost to the point of being uncomfortable. The blond man quickly undid his trousers and wrestled them to about his mid-thigh, enough for his member to spring free. Prosciutto’s cock was flushed and standing at attention, ready to be dropped inside you. 

With this in mind, Prosciutto was ready to move on from toying with your pussy. Besides, you were beginning to become almost too squirmy, which pissed him off even more. “Hold still,” he rumbled out, rising to his feet and discarding the rest of his clothes. Your eyes widened as he removed the rest of his clothing; it was amazing to see his completely naked form. His lean body was riddled in faded scars, the jagged edges all telling their own stories. You watched his arms flex as he tossed aside one of his socks, eyes moving downwards from there.  Even with the distance, a shimmering bead of precum gathering on his swollen tip was visible to you. Your body thrummed with excitement, from the top of your head to the very tip of your toes, as Prosciutto approached you. His body was poised, his expression hazy and lustful but also vindictive. He stopped at the edge of the bed in front of you. You had already propped yourself up on your elbows at the point, intrigued by his sensuality. 

“You’re not going to be so rude as to not return the favor, are you?” Prosciutto said, his eyebrow cocked condescendingly at you. You couldn’t help but sneer before rising to his erect member bobbing in front of you. 

“Honestly, have a little bit more faith in me,” you said, rolling your eyes. You decided to suck his cock before his shitty attitude made you change your mind. The salty flavor of his precum was smeared across your lips as you mouthed the tip. Slowly, you took more of him, his girth stretching your lips the farther you went down his shaft. You breathed steadily through your nose, the smell of his musk strong the closer you drew to his pelvis. Prosciutto wasn’t overly vocal, but the breathy sounds he allowed himself to make were like music to your ears. When you took him in almost to the hilt and swallowed around his member, he made a strained noise, sweet and wanton. Impatience overtook him, because he reached down to grip your hair before thrusting into your mouth. The hitman was gentle at first but quickly became rougher with his actions. The blunt head of his cock hit the back of your throat in a brutish, steady rhythm. Tears began to prick the corners of your eyes as Prosciutto fucked your throat. A twisted part of him enjoyed seeing you gag and slobber on his dick after he had to deal with your obnoxiousness for so long. 

The thoughts swirling around in Prosciutto’s head made his dick twitch warningly in your throat. He quickly pulled you back by your hair, a rush of air hitting your lungs so speedily that it disoriented you. Vision still blurry from the tears, you felt his hands around you, pulling you up and onto the bed as if you were nothing more but a ragdoll. He pushed you onto your back, dragging your ankles up to his shoulders and rutting his meaty cock against your pussy. He rubbed against you for a while, the head of his cock catching on your clit several times, the stimulation amplified by your desire. It was beginning to make you crazy, so crazy that you grabbed the back of Prosciutto’s hair and shook him, pushing your hips down. You met his dark blue eyes and let out a whine at the predatory look that greeted you. He growled before angling himself downwards and thrusting inside you, most of his cock sinking into you with one stroke. A jolt went through your body as you stretched around him, the discomfort dissolving into pleasure as you adjusted to him. 

Prosciutto looked right into your eyes as he pushed you a little further, hilting inside of you. That’s what he always did--he pushed you. He pushed you when you wanted him to stop nagging you, he pushed you to do better during missions, and now he’s pushing your sexual limits. What you saw when you looked at him was a challenge. Your gaze communicated it all because Prosciutto gave you a little grunt as if to say, ‘I accept’. He started with a slow, rough pace, making a show of pulling most of the way out of you before snapping back in. It was agonizingly slow but wonderful; you tried to use your legs to keep him from pulling out, but his strength bested yours every time. He watched you carefully as you took him, his eyes moving back and forth between your face and his dick disappearing inside you. The bleeding from his nose had stopped for the most part, but a line of blood trailed down his face and neck. It fascinated you, you couldn’t take your eyes off of his skin.

Eventually, you found your voice. “S-Speed it up, I don’t have all day,” you managed to say. Your harsh words didn’t match the soft, kitten-like tone that you used. Prosciutto tsked you before pulling out completely. You were getting ready to bitch him out until he reached under you and flipped you onto your stomach. He pulled your hips up to meet his and sank back into you, any words you were going to say dying on your lips. Body pressed into the mattress, you braced yourself, your hands fisting in the sheets. Prosciutto panted next to your ear, holding himself up over you while his hips snapped into yours. His movements grew choppy but rough, and he drove his hips into yours over and over. “This what you want?” he rasped out, earning a moan from you. His sack was slapping lewdly against your ass now, heavy and warm. The smell rolling off of his body was intoxicating; it made you furious. “Wanted to get me all mad so I’d pound you into this mattress?” Whining, you nodded your head, sticking your ass up for him despite him driving you back down with his pelvis. “You fucking got it. Y-You almost got us killed, too,” he said, his voice less angry than it should have been. 

“T-This shit again?” Your irritation with him was almost tainting the amazing way he was filling you up. “Get over it.” 

This must have struck a chord in Prosciutto, because he moved to grab the back of your neck, pushing your head into the pillow. “Shut up.” His unimpressive comeback was lost to you while he hammered into you. Months and months of frustration, all sparking into a flame between you both, melting each other with your touches. Your pussy was so tight, so wet, begging for him to take out his frustration with you. Prosciutto huffed from the exertion, his orgasm nagging at his core. You were very close behind him, unable to take the searing heat building up inside you any longer. 

“P-Please...” you whimpered out, your voice still muffled. His thighs thundered against the backs of yours. This was accompanied by the sound of your sopping wet pussy, gushing over Prosciutto’s cock as the both of you drew closer to orgasm. But it wasn’t enough--you were right on the edge, about to cum, but there was something that you were missing. You attempted to buck your hips back against Prosciutto, hoping the extra force would be the last bit of pleasure you needed before it all came toppling down. The flurry of sexual frustration inside you manifested as you being enraged by Prosciutto; he talked big but wasn’t fucking you hard enough, wasn’t putting his dick right where it needed to be inside you to make you see stars. 

“Please what?” The blond gangster taunted in your ear.

“Please... Do something right for once and make me cum,” you gritted out, craning your neck to look behind you. 

The look on Prosciutto’s face was a cross between absolutely furious and incredibly turned on. His eyes were stormy as he looked at you, holding a promise inside them. He choppily halted his pace to move you onto your side, disregarding your hands scrambling to find purchase on his strong arms. He spread your legs roughly, almost forcefully, before burying himself inside you again. Prosciutto stroked your cheek thoughtfully for a moment before landing a smack on your face. You knew that he could hit you harder, but a moan toppled out of your mouth anyhow and sent a shock of electricity down to your cunt. He leaned down close to your face, his gaze now mischievous as he thrust his hips into yours. “Do something right for once? Why don’t you do something right for once and take every fucking drop my seed I give you,” he huffed, his breath tickling your face. With a few more deep thrusts and another smack to your face, you came with a choked cry. Prosciutto’s lower stomach was sticky with how much slick you made, but it only served to make him more aroused. He followed you as faithfully as he does during a battle, cumming inside you. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, his mouth agape as he emptied himself within your warm walls. He rutted into you as he did, his instincts telling him to bury his spunk as far inside as he’s able to. He’s finally claiming you, taking you down a peg and showing you your place. 

All of the moxie you felt from earlier was drained from your body as his cum spilled from you. After Prosciutto regained his breath, he pulled out and collapsed at your side with a sigh coming deep from his chest. You weren’t exactly in a good state to find something to clean yourself with, so after you caught your breath, you nudged him in the side. “Towel, please,” you requested airily, your gaze unfocused from the lack of energy. 

Prosciutto furrowed his brow at you and looked as if he were about to say something venomous. Whatever he wanted to say, he dismissed, because after a moment he was hoisting himself to his feet. He disappeared from your field of vision and into the bathroom and you were left to your thoughts for a moment. Post-orgasm clarity was hitting you pretty strong, and you felt regret for attacking him earlier. Even if he was still genuinely pissed at you, you wanted to apologize. When he returned, his face and pelvis were clean. He handed a clean towel to you wordlessly and found his trousers laying on the ground. He fished his cigarettes from his pocket and laid next to you. Pulling the ashtray closer to him on the nightstand, he lit one and inhaled. You crinkled your nose at the smoke. His habit disgusted you and you were always verbal about it. Prosciutto caught sight of your grimace and snickered at you. “Something bothering you?” 

“You know what’s bothering me,” you said while toweling yourself off. 

After another drag or two, Prosciutto put it out as if he actually considered your feelings. You narrowed your eyes before bringing them back up to look at him. “I’m sorry for trying to beat you up earlier,” you said, your tone sheepish. Prosciutto raised his brows, surprised that you would be moved to an apology. He looked as if he didn’t know how to take it for a moment before responding. 

“It’s fine. You’re lucky you didn’t fuck up my nose too badly.” 

You could feel yourself becoming defensive, so you were quiet and put aside your pride. Picking your battles is a skill you knew that you still needed to learn. You dropped the towel beside the bed and drew closer to Prosciutto, who was laying quite far from you. Snuggling into his side, you draped your arm over his middle and made yourself comfortable. He made a soft noise of indignation before accepting your embrace. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you close to his bare chest. A fluttering heartbeat could be heard as you pressed your ear against him. While you both laid in silence, your mind wandered. Without a shadow of a doubt, you knew you’d have to omit this part of the mission from the report Risotto was bound to ask you for in the morning.

[annies-marvel-imagines]

Dusk Till Dawn - Part 3

Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: An argument between you and Peter leads to others getting involved in your business and Ellie gives you some unexpected news.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, Hurt!reader, Hurt!Peter, jealous!Peter, and maybe some fluff.

A/N: Collaboration with my good friend,  @rosaliestark01​. I don’t own any GIFs.

“Y/N!” Peter yells from across the hall. You stop putting your things in your locker as you see Peter running towards you. You don’t know what’s gotten into him. He seemed perfectly fine after doping you back home after paroling. 

He seemed too caught up in getting to you as soon as possible that he ended tripping over his own feet, causing Flash and a few of his “friends” to laugh at him.

“Peter?”  You run to him and quickly help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I-” He begins but Flash, being the dumbass that he is, cuts him off. You honestly don’t understand why Flash keeps trying to make Peter’s school life a living pain.

“Nice one, Parker,” he snorts. For some reason, his “friends” laugh as though bullying someone who is clearly better than them is suddenly the most hilarious thing in the world. “Did your parents forget to teach you how to walk?”

“At least he doesn’t walk like he has a silver spoon up his-” you try to retort, but Peter hurriedly interrupts you.

“Y/N, I have to tell you something.” Peter looks at you pleadingly and you are suddenly worried about what happened.

“What is it?” Peter grabs you loosely by your arm to lead you away from Flash and his band of laughing brainless idiots.

“I can’t tell you here,” he whispers as he drags you away from all the people watching the two of you curiously. Peter is starting to worry you even more. What is he so afraid to tell you that he has to drag you into a janitor’s closet to tell you? “I don’t think that Eloise is who she says she is.”

“Who is she, then?” You ask. 

“Well... I don’t know, but I saw her talking to a man in a black ambulance and they traded stuff.” You knew that Peter didn’t trust Ellie one bit, but this had to have been him just assuming things.

“Okay. I’ll agree that that’s suspicious, but you can’t just say that she’s not who she says she is because she talked to some random dude. You’re mind is probably just blowing out of proportion,” you tell him, but the look he gives you says that you really need to listen to him. “When was this?”

“Around midnight,” he whispers. “Y/N, I don’t trust her.”

“She’s never given me a reason not to trust her. Can you please just drop it?” you beg. You didn’t want to fight with Peter about whether Ellie was trustworthy or not. Peter didn’t really know her and you did. “Are we still on for this Friday?”

“Yeah,” he nods his head. “I’ll see you there.”

You really were excited about going to the movies with Peter. He never outwardly said that it was a date, so you didn’t want to assume but this was the first time the two of you were watching a movie without your friends tagging along. 

You and Peter casually walked out of the janitor’s closet, hoping that you two were casual enough to not attract attention. However, you were quickly met with Ned, MJ, and Harry’s questioning stares.

“What were you two doing?” Harry asks. You look to Peter to come up with a good excuse.

“N-Nothing,” he spits out awkwardly. You mentally facepalm because although he has no problem making up excuses on a regular basis, the one time you get caught walking out of a janitor’s closet is when he can’t come up with a proper excuse.

“Okay, well... I’m going to go back to my locker,” you say in order to escape the awkward tension that filled the air.

“I’ll come with you,” MJ said. Harry followed suit. Ever since he and Gwen broke up, he’s become a lot closer to MJ. You had a feeling that they were starting to really like each other, but it was too soon to tell.

“So how come you never told me that you were taking Gwen to homecoming?” Ned asked Peter once you, MJ, and Harry walked off.

“What? Where did you hear that?” Peter had definitely not planned on taking Gwen to homecoming and he certainly never told anyone that he planned to. If anything, he wanted to ask you.

“Ellie has been saying that you were going to ask Gwen to homecoming,” Ned said and Peter lightly winced at hearing one of his best friends call her Ellie.

“Well, Eloise is a conniving liar who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about,” Peter says bitterly. Had you heard any of those rumors? You probably have. You and Eloise have gotten way too close for Peter’s liking. 

Peter knew he shouldn’t feel jealous over you making friends, but Eloise was obviously up to no good and you were to blind see it. Plus, you felt comfortable telling Eloise what has been bothering you ever since that stupid mission you went on. It hurt that you didn’t feel comfortable talking to him, but it hurt more that you were comfortable talking to conniving Eloise Day.

“So who are you taking?” Ned asks. Peter knows who he wants to take, but he;s not sure what you would say.

“I don’t know yet,” Peter says (sort of) truthfully.

“I think you should take Y/N,” Ned suggests. He doesn’t know about Peter feels about you, but you seem like an obvious option. “or MJ. You like her, don’t you.”

“Only as a friend,” Peter says. Once upon a time, he had feeling for MJ, but they never went as deep as his feeling for you. Besides, he was sure that Harry and MJ (although neither one probably knew it) liked each other.

“Then you should totally take Y/N,” Ned suggested happily. Peter knew that if he were to ask you, it would have to be soon.

Needless to say, once Saturday came around, you were pissed. Peter hadn’t shown up to the movie and instead, you ended up sitting next to some random person who wouldn’t put his phone away, kept flirting with you during the movie, and laughed at the stupidest stuff. You ended up getting kicked out once the two of you started fighting (even though he started it). Out of all the people in the theater you had to get into a fight with, it was the owner’s stupid cousin.

On the bright side, you got a call from Ellie telling you that the DNA test result would come back on Monday. She asked about how the movie went and although you were majorly pissed at Peter, you didn’t want to give her another reason to dislike him. You told her about the movie without telling her that you were kicked out of the theater.

On Monday, you woke up to something falling on your floor. After turning on the lights, you found that instead of a something, it was a someone.

“Hey, Y/N-” Peter says quietly.

“Peter, it’s four in the morning,” you hiss. “Get out.” Peter looked taken aback by this. He always came here when he couldn’t sleep and you’ve never kicked him out before.

“But-” He suddenly looked like he had just noticed the look on your face. “You’re angry.”

“Yeah, I’m angry,’ you say, stomping over to him. “You didn’t show up.”

Peter looks at you with confusion written all over his face, which only angers you more. He stares back at you for a few seconds before he finally realizes what your talking about. Soon, his realization turn into worry.

“Oh! Y/N, I am so sorry,”he says quickly. “Something came up and I had to deal with it.”

“Right. Something always comes up.” You weren’t sure if you were being petty or not. For six, almost seven, months, you allowed everyone to forget about you and treat you like shit.

“Y/N, I can’t just stop being Spider-Man just because you wanted to see a movie,” Peter fights back. This wasn’t your first fight, but this was by far the most serious.

“First of all, I never told you to stop being Spider-Man and secondly, you were the one to ask me to the movies,” you try not to raise your voice because of how late (or early) it was. 

“You could’ve asked someone else to go with you,” Peter argues. If anything, his argument only angers you more. 

“You literally said that you wanted it to be just the two of us!” you yell. “Instead, I had to deal with some creep that didn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘no’!”

Hearing that you had to deal with some creep and he wasn’t there to protect you made his blood boil. He knew that he should’ve at least told you a head of time that he wouldn’t be able to make it, but he also didn’t want to admit to you that he had completely forgotten about your date. Wait. Was it a date?

“What the hell is going on in here?” Nat said, storming into the room looking grumpy and tired

“Nothing. Peter was just leaving,” you say, not wanting to fight with Peter anymore. You hated fighting with Peter, but you still felt hurt by his actions.

“Y/N-”Peter began softly.

“Both of you. Kitchen. Now” Nat demanded. The tree of you made your way to the Kitchen where Nat sat the two of you down and glared at you.

 “What the hell happened to the two of you?” She asked harshly. “Since the day you two met, you’ve been a team. Best partners in the field I have ever seen. Something must have happened to make you turn on each other and I’m here to tell you to get the fuck over it. I don’t care what it is. Put it in the past. You’re best friends. You’re partners. Now start acting like it.”

She stomped back to her room, leaving you and Peter sitting quietly in the dark. You were going to say something, but he beat you to it.

“Wow,” he says, referring to Natasha’s passionate lecture. “So, um... since it’s late...?”

“Yes,” you say, offering your hand. He takes it gingerly, and you both quietly make your way back to your room. You’re already in your pajamas, but Peter is still wearing his Spider-Man suit.

“Here,” you say as you hand him a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that he left here once. After he got dressed, you both crawled into bed. “I’m sorry I got mad. Whatever it was, I’m sure it was important.”

“I’m sorry I left you alone to sit next to some creep,” he whispered. You could tell that he was being sincere and you began to wonder why you were so mad at him in the first place. Saving people was a priority and you felt bad at yelling at him over something that probably wasn’t even a date to begin with.

“At least I got a few swings in before I got kicked out,” you say, trying to lighten the mood but Peter just looked at you sadly.“Either way, the world is lucky to have Spider-Man in it.”

“And I’m lucky to have Y/N Stark as my best friend”. Peter scoots closer so that the two of you were practically holding each other.  “I’m still sorry for ditching you. Maybe we can still see that movie tonight?”

“I’d love that,” you say. You close your eyes, ready for sleep to take over again.

“Y/N?” Peter whispers. He knows it’s late, but he feels as though this were the right time to ask.

“Hmm?”

“Will you go to homecoming with me?” After a few seconds, and there’s no response, Peter looks at you. “Y/N?”

You had already fallen asleep. Peter curses himself for not asking earlier. He’s not sure when he’ll get the chance to as again or if he ever will.

“Y/N Stark!” Brad Davis yells as he struts towards you. You look for an escape, but you don’t see a very good one. You look at Peter for help, but he doesn’t know what to do either.

“What do you want?” you ask. Everybody, except for Brad, knew that he was a total jerk. He was one of the brainless idiot who laughed at Peter after he tripped last Friday.

“I’m taking you to homecoming,” he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. You scoffed at the nerve this guy had. You noticed the way Peter tensed up, but you didn’t say anything.

“No you’re not,” You tell him. He just smirks at you. “I already have a date.”

“Who?” He and Peter both asks. 

“Peter.” Peter looks confused, so you decide to elaborate. “He asked me this morning.”

“Whatever, nerds,” Brad scoffs before walking off to join his friends.

“You heard that?” Peter looks at you nervously and you couldn’t help but think it was cute.

“Yeah,” you say.  “I wanted to answer, but I kinda fell asleep.”

Peter smiles at you before you both go your separate ways. You go to art class and Peter has History. You hope that Peter doesn’t forget about the movie this time. You knew he had his reasons for missing it the first time, and you were going to try to be more understandable if he misses this time too, but you really hope he doesn’t.

After school ends, you see Ellie jogging to you with an annoyed look on her face.

 “You’re going to homecoming with Parker?” She asks. 

“Yeah. He asked me.” You knew that she didn’t like Peter but you still hoped that she would’ve been happy for you. She had to have know that you really liked him from all the times you gushed about how amazing he was to her.

“I though he stood you up.” She said. You both begin walking to the parking lot.

“He did but-” you stop suddenly after hearing that. You didn’t tell Ellie that Peter stood you up. In fact, you clearly remember trying to make her think that didn’t. “How do you know about that?” 

“Spider-Man saving those hostages was all over the news,” she casually says.

“Right.” You think back to the argument that you and Peter had and you instantly feel ten times worse. Peter was a hero.

“I honestly thought he would have asked Gwen to homecoming,” She tells you. “They seem pretty close.”

“I thought so too.” Ever since you started hanging out with Ellie, Gwen had obviously tried to make a move on Peter. You felt lucky that Peter was pretty oblivious to those kinds of things. You were also pretty lucky that Peter had chosen to ask you.

“Do you want to come over to my house to study today?” Ellie asks hopefully. 

“I would love to, but I already made plans with Peter.” You started to feel bad when her hopeful face turn into a scowl at the mention of Peter’s name. You had really hoped that they would get along. They were both nice people. They were among the smartest students at this school and Ellie knows that Peter is Spider-Man.

“Oh. That’s okay.”

You were glad to finally be able to enjoy the movie without some creep ruining it. Peter looked like he was enjoying the movie, and you loved the way he gasped when the main character was manipulated into teaming up with the bad guy. It had a good ending, but that part was hard to concentrate on when Peter grabbed your hand during the big climax.

Afterwards, Peter swung you back to your room before he left to go on patrol. You would have gone with him, but you really needed to finish your Art project.

A few hours later, you felt pretty good about it. You made miniature figures of all the avengers. It took longer than it should have, since you had to remake the Iron Man figure after “accidentally” breaking it.

“Y/N, you have a visitor,” your AI, Cas, said. The only person who would has ever visited you at the late hour of 1:53 am was Peter. Instead, you were met by another familiar face.

“Ellie?” 

She was texting someone on her phone by the time you finally made it down to meet her. She looked up at you with excitement as she held up a small stack of papers.

“Y/N, I got the results back for the DNA test,” she whispered. You had completely forgotten that Monday was the day that the DNA results would come back.

“Really? What does it say?”

“Your dad’s name is Ezekiel Stane and he only lives a few miles from here.” You scrunch up your nose upon hearing his name. She had to be kidding right? There was no way that this could be right.

“Stane?” Ellie frowned at your disdain for the name. “Like Obadiah Stane?”

“It’s what the papers say,” Ellie says, shoving the papers into your hands. Looking at them, you had no choice but to believe her. According to the papers, Ezekiel Stane was, without a doubt, your dad. “You trust me, right?”

“Yeah.” As much as you wanted this to be a joke, you really did trust Ellie. You just didn’t want to possibly be related to the same guy who kidnapped you and tried to kill you and your dad Tony. 

A/N: Would you trust Ellie?

Tag List:

@eridanuswave​ @drishtisikarwar​ @spideygirl2003​ @ilovespideyyy​

[fantasy-zelda-blog]

Shards - Kurootsukki angst week 2018

Hello everyone. This is part my one-shot for kurootsukki angst week 2018, and also one chapter of my Haikyuu!! / The Legend of Zelda crossover series. I am writing a bit behind schedule as this one-shot is inspired by prompts of day 1 and 2, respectively break up and sacrifice. Thanks to @chigayuazlin​ and @kuroocult for organizing this amazing event.

To @mitrr and @eroismpro for their constant support. <3

I have never written a sad ending fic in my whole life, will I be able to do that this time?

Enjoy your reading :)

Read it on ao3:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16287938

An orange-hued light was coming through the patio doors, so gentle that his eyes didn’t need to adjust to it. Tsukishima left the door slightly ajar behind him. Should Akaashi wake up, he would be by his side in just seconds, ready to comfort him again. He sat on the floor of the hallway, knees drawn up and palms pressed against the cool surface beneath him. He could feel the pleasant warmth of the desert dawn, giving him a bit of relief as he settled his shoulders and head against the wall. Try as he might to stop the flood of questions Bokuto’s words generated, his mind was throbbing with worry.

He heard a twinkling bell, a long shadow soon advanced toward him. He sighed, not knowing if he should be happy or sad. A pair of golden, slitted eyes looked at him and blinked a couple of times. Wasn’t it ironic that his mind wandered to when he accepted his lover’s proposal? Tsukishima snorted. He stretched his legs and reached out to scratch under his new guest’s chin, who immediately purred. “Come on,” he sat it down on his lap then started to pet its black fur. The cat offered his belly and closed his eyes. “Brave like a panther in battle, but a scaredy cat when it comes to serious talking, uh?”

Golden tendrils enveloped the pet and Tsukishima’s fingers now carded through dark-ink bed hair. “Do we need to talk?” Kuroo asked, panic marring his features. His mind must have been as tired as Tsukishima’s one. “You could easily guess what I think.” Seeing that he elicited no answer, he kept speaking from Tsukishima’s lap. “I think Bokuto is the dumbest and most stubborn person we’ve ever met. He crushed Akaashi’s heart in the stupidest way and I’m so...” Kuroo covered his face with both his hands, dragging them down when he spoke again “... so angry at him that it’s a good thing he flew away.”

They fell silent for a bit. Far noises of the house starting its day were a comforting soundtrack. Some birds on a rare, nearby tree engaged in a singing contest, their soft melody louder than anything else. Tsukishima’s thighs were becoming a bit numb. Not a chance his mind would become equally deprived of sensation and find a bit of peace. His soul, indeed, was a battlefield. Whatever he could choose to do, someone would suffer. If he kept dating Kuroo, Bokuto’s best friend, he would constantly remind Akaashi of his lost lover. But would it be any better if he broke up with Kuroo in order to let any traces of Bokuto disappear from Akaashi’s life?

He only wanted to curl up somewhere and cry. “Tetsurou, I can’t do this to Akaashi.” Kuroo sat up but Tsukishima slumped down his head. A warm hand stroked his hair, “You think Akaashi would be happier seeing the both of us heartbroken?” Kuroo sounded almost disappointed by Tsukishima’s way of reasoning. “Of course not,” he moved away from Kuroo’s touch. “But it would be a constant stab to his heart if we kept seeing each other. Bokuto brought you here, Bokuto played matchmaker for us-” “Bokuto will be back soon when what triggered his absurd panic is stone dead,” Kuroo said with finality. “I know it will take time for Akaashi to forgive him, but they are meant to be together,” he muttered, “just as you and me.” Tsukishima’s lap was again occupied by Kuroo’s head, who took a strange interest at the ceiling and started to frown at it.

Tsukishima felt all the more shattered, sensing how much Kuroo believed in their own love and was sorry for him as well. Tsukishima had indeed talked with Bokuto, and he was sure Kuroo had too because he witnessed them arguing the last night. But Kuroo evidently didn’t want to accept his friend’s decision.

When Tsukishima met Bokuto for the first time, they were kids. Bokuto was smaller than average young owls and so insecure that he quite never shapeshifted into a human and just kept staring at Akaashi. He followed the young prince everywhere, at a distance, thinking he was not noticed. It wasn’t impossible not to grow fond of the shy owlet who became Akaashi’s not so secret admirer. Besides, they owed it to his constant night patrolling near Akaashi’s chambers and to his courage that back then Akaashi survived. He already loved him to the point he disregarded his own life in order to save him.

Tsukishima shook his head, “He will not come back. He knows he will put Akaashi in grave danger if he stays by his side.” Tsukishima shivered at the memory of Bokuto’s words. “Grave danger?” Kuroo asked incredulously, “I thought you wouldn’t care about superficial diplomatic shit, Kei..” Tsukishima closed his eyes. “He didn’t tell you...” “Of course he did tell me. But, Kei, you can’t possibly think that the Ritos would break their alliance with your realm only because Bokuto, their champion, could one day have a lovers’ quarrel with your prince Akaashi, whom Bokuto just chose as his betrothed, to boot.” Kuroo nervously waved his hands as he talked. “Bokuto panicked because he is overprotective of Akaashi and couldn’t stand the thought of any diplomatic issues stemmed from their eventual breakup. This is insane, only Bokuto could come up with this sort of thoughts. Why would you think so negatively right from the start? Why would they ever break up, they’re two peas in-” It was hard to interrupt Kuroo’s rant. “No, Tetsurou, he really didn’t tell you anything.” “Tell me what?” Worried by the recurrent statement, Kuroo brought his hand to Tskukishima’s face. Kuroo’s thumb stroked his cheek, and it immediately tingled in a pleasant way. In a too familiar, soothing way. Kuroo the cat wasn’t going to make it easy for him. He considered to back away again, however, his greedy side made him lean into it.

Tsukishima glanced to the side and whispered, “He foresaw it, he dreamt it, Tetsurou, he dreamt him…” Finally, he cried, thankful he had long learnt to do it silently. Even if Kuroo promptly hugged and cradled him, he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact tears were streaming down his face, that his nose became stuffy and his head heavy, as though only sobbing could reveal he was a crying mess. Kuroo tightened his hold, Tsukishima could feel his hot cheeks against his shoulder. “Kei, please, please, tell me what he dreamt.” But from the way Tsukishima hiccupped, Kuroo must have understood and didn’t ask anymore. When he was sure he could talk, Tsukishima spoke again with a thin voice. “I can’t encourage him to ignore what he foresaw.” “I know,” Kuroo murmured. He was probably trying to accept the idea that the four of them would never again be together in the same room, that their mutual friendship was in tatters. And the worst part was that they shouldn’t try to piece together its shards.

But Tsukishima had to steel his resolve, “I can’t go happily around with you by my side. ” Kuroo exhaled a long breath. “We will give Akaashi time to heal.” He kissed his neck and left his lips there, his breath fanning over Tsukishima’s skin. “I’ll wait for you.”

Tsukishima opened his eyes. No one was around. Akaashi had ordered not to disturb him the whole day. No sound came from the room to his right nor the daylight reached its interior through the door Tsukishima left open just a crack. He entwined one hand with Kuroo’s long fingers and with the other he coaxed Kuroo out of his hiding place. “Kei,” Kuroo pleaded. As if it was a forbidden gesture, at first their lips met softly. After some minutes, though, they became hungrier, spiralling down the pit of their love, driven by passion and desperation.

A gust of southern wind swiped the floor and brought inside some dry leaves. At their rustling, Tskukishima gently pushed on Kuroo’s arms to break the kiss. Dust floated in the air, heavy with a bit of sand, a perfect, warm-toned background for the man in front of him. Kuroo’s hair was messier than ever as if matching his internal struggle, his smile loop-sided yet unsure, his eyes watery and his nose red as a cherry, how could Tsukishima shatter the heart of a guy near to his breaking point? He avoided his gaze once more and with trembling hands he removed the bracelet Kuroo gifted him as a seal of his love, “Take care of it for me.” Kuroo sagged on himself and grabbed Tsukishima’s wrists. He begged, openly crying, “no, Kei, please, no...”  “I can’t ask you to wait for me, Kuroo.” He inhaled deeply as he sensed Kuroo stiffen and heard him make a strangled sound. He quickly added, “but I can let the choice to you at one condition.”

Had it been any other circumstance, it would have been hilarious the way Kuroo sniffled and craned his neck. He looked at Tsukishima full of hope and eagerly nodded, not daring to speak. “You still have to be our Sheika ambassador but you will not visit us for at least one year.” He gulped down the lump which was strangling his throat. “I-I will be in charge of receiving your updates through letters until… Gods! I can’t tell you when we can properly be together again… Akaashi has loved Bokuto since we were kids, you know?” Kuroo cackled. Tsukishima couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Kuroo doubled in laughter, even heaved for breath. “You,” he tried to recompose himself, “you scared me to death, Kei!” Annoyed by the strange reaction he caused, Tsukishima swatted Kuroo’s head more than once. Kuroo grasped his forearms and kissed the back of his left hand before pulling him into his lap. Tsukishima was straddling Kuroo’s thighs, facing him. If Akaashi witnessed them right now, their public display of affection would crush him. So much for trying to protect him. Tsukishima felt incredibly uncomfortable at that mere thought and wiggled in Kuroo’s hold, who in any case didn’t loosen his grip on him.

“I thought you were set to get rid of me for good,” he said, now calm, almost sad. “But I will always love you, I would have in any case.” Looking him in the eyes, he muttered, “I believe you’re too smart to misunderstand the meaning of ‘forever’.” “Idiot, don’t remind this kind of promise while we are breaking up!” But it was clear that no heat animated Tskushima’s words. “We’re not!” Kuroo protested. “We are!” Tsukishima rebutted. While he squeezed Tsukishima more fiercely than before, Kuroo saw Akaashi standing by the slightly ajar door, a hand clasping it for purchase. The light was enough to let him see Akaashi mouthing the words “Love him, please.” Only when Kuroo gave him a nod, Akaashi retreated into his room.

[loverofpiggies]

Hey that “Harold is Dead” AU

I’m gonna point you to a couple posts Here and Here about it because I want to give credit where credit is due, but I also wanted to write a fic about it because I had an idea, it doesn’t follow specifically how those posts are but I wanted to write how it would most likely happen so yes, this was written in one draft and copy/pasted so paragraphs are set up weird but oh well enjoy!

-------------------------

It started out as an average night. The clouds were finally clearing up from the southern storms that passed through, and the twin moons peaked out from behind the thinning clouds.

It was getting rather late, but then again, Purple always tended to work late into the night in the labs, desperately trying to test his hypothesis, a long term underlying feeling of dread, in case his funding gets pulled. He was doing fantastically of course, but. This fear always stayed there, regardless. He'd probably be funded for years to come, if things kept going his way. He also had a tendency to glance at Archaeology reports in his spare time, with a growing interest in the subject he never had before.

It would be fun to leave the city for a while, and study ruins. It would be different, but it would be interesting.

His foot splashed in a puddle as he walked down the street, lamp candles flickering in the dull moonlight. Shivering against the cooler temps, he shoved his hands in his pockets, desperate to get home so late at night-- when he heard a strange laugh in the alley in front of him.

That laugh.... it seemed so familiar.

Purple edged close to the wall... and decided to peek over. It was only now, he registered the laugh as an angry, spiteful one. As if someone was becoming increasingly frustrated, and laughed to ease their own tensions... Purple squinted in the night, as he saw a figure snap and swat at someone in front of them. “I am FINE! Get off of me already!” “B-bro, you're hurt. They hurt ya pretty bad...” “I'm fine! It doesn't goddamn matter, I still kicked their asses--” The figures grew further into focus.... a strange redheaded man that Purple did not recognize in the slightest, stood over someone sitting against the wall with extremely frazzled, light brown hair. He had a few bruises on his face, and had a hat sitting next to him, but was not touching it.

“I. I know ya won. But- it's just- getting serious. I'm... I'm worried about ya.” “Worry about someone else.” Purple finally recognized the man sitting down... as his eyes widened in disbelief-- and he couldn't help speaking out.

“Wallis?”

The man sitting, snapped to attention as he glanced to the edge of the alley, slamming to his feet before stumbling. “Who the FUCK is there!?” He snapped. He looked even worse standing. His clothes were a wreck, his hair-- and the bruises on his face-- Purple couldn't believe it, and stood dumbfounded.

It was like slow motion.... Wallis stood there, blinking in the dark, before his eyes widened in recognition in return.

“....Purple?”

The two stood silent for a moment, as the strange redheaded man glanced between them, before slowly stepping back to give them their space.

To Purple, Wallis was almost unrecognizable. Wallis was always one to get into fights, true. But- he seemed to get worse and worse as time went on. Apparently, after.... well. After. The Incident-- Wallis became more brutal- stopped taking school seriously, and went out of his way to get into trouble with anyone who'd brawl with him.

Purple only met him after The Incident, and had no idea what Wallis was like before that. But, apparently he wasn't THIS bad. All Purple remembered.... was eventually, Wallis just- dropped out of school.

Finally, Wallis spoke again.

“...go away.” He spoke dully, as he turned from Purple, leaning back against the wall. Clearly, he was hurt pretty bad, as Purple stepped forward. “I.... you look- erm- it looks like that hurts. I can help-” “They're BRUISES, you can't really do jackshit except wait.” Wallis spoke, glaring back over.

Purple sensed Wallis might be a bit humiliated, so he glanced down, yet still took a couple steps closer to his old friend. Wallis had so much potential.... one of the smartest, most talented people Purple knew. To think he'd end up like this...

“I.... it. It's been a while.” Purple spoke, staring down.... as Wallis seemed tense as ever. “....yeah.” Purple glanced over to the redheaded man, blinking as he noticed.... the person with Wallis before had disappeared. “Huh? What happened to your friend....?” “My what?” “I- I saw some redhead here with you....” “Oh. That's Hobo. He disappears when he wants. Probably thought I wanted space or something now that you're here. Goddamnit.” Wallis spoke coldly, as the two stood a few feet apart, alone now in this alleyway.

Purple didn't know what else to say.... as they were silent a while, he just responded with-

“It's supposed to go below freezing tonight. Maybe.... you can stay the night, if you want.” Purple didn't expect an actual response. Wallis had fallen out of most people's lives- even his own mother's- a few years ago. No one had known what happened to him, since. Wallis was obviously avoiding everyone. So, he wouldn't say-

“Yes.” “What?”

“I said fine. If you're not going to leave me alone. Then fine.”

- - -

Wallis sat silently on Purple's couch, as both existed in an awkward, thick silence. There was so many things Purple wanted to ask, as he took off his coat and shoes. Purple actually had to grab Wallis's hat- Wallis didn't even seem to care if he had it come with or not. What had Wallis been doing all this time? Why was he so hurt? His clothes looked old and tattered, too. How long had it been since he'd gotten a new shirt? A new pair of pants? About the only thing Wallis had going, was he seemed to keep himself well shaven- he only had a soul patch, no beard growing...

Purple couldn't help but smile. He remembered Wallis used to think beards were disgusting. Wallis always said “I'd never let one of those THINGS grow on my face!”

He was so passionate about the stupidest things. It's why Purple liked him so much.

“I just pissed some people off.” Wallis spoke, making Purple jump out of his thoughts.

“What?” “The bruises- the fight. I just pissed some assholes off- like I always do. Still won... like I always do.” Wallis's voice seemed to grow a bit duller, as he looked away from Purple- the silence threatening to take over again.

Purple wouldn't let it. “You're still starting fights?”

“Yeah.”

“I. I'm sorry to hear it.”

“No you're not.”

“I am sorry, though.”

“That's the reaction people give when they don't know what else to SAY, Purple. That's like, conversations 101. It's so easy to tell when someone has run into a conversational WALL when they apologize about an awkward subject. It's like- if you were to tell me you like your job, but there's this ONE part of your job that's super shitty, but overall you're cool- and it makes this stupid silent period, I mean, what am I supposed to say?? It's conversational suicide, you committed conversational suicide.” “I-- holy shit-” Purple couldn't help but laugh. Wallis had always been stupidly dramatic. “I think you're overthinking that, Wallis.” “I'm just saying you asked a dumb question, and an OBVIOUS one, with an obvious response, I had no choices, this was no longer a conversation because you killed it.” “Oh my god you obnoxious asshole, shut up.”

“No.” “Also technically YOU halted the conversation by outright STATING this crazy concept that you still beat people up and so don't go blaming ME.” Wallis actually seemed to cover his mouth- trying to hide a laugh. “....yeah. I- well shit I guess I did start it.” Purple smiled in response, as Wallis finally glanced over to him.

They shared a moment, before Wallis turned away again, glancing at his nails. Even his nails looked terrible. Purple thought silently to himself, before he shut his eyes.... and stepping over to sit next to Wallis.

“You used to protect me all the time, Wallis. From all those assholes who picked on me.” “Well, they didn't pick on you LONG.” Purple laughed. “Yeah, that's true. Your mom was always so angry at you.” Wallis smiled again, that smile Purple realized he missed terribly all these years. “Mom has the worst temper. She was so angry when she'd get a call that I beat up some new kid. But- shit Purple, they were being DICKS!” “Ah hahaha, yeah, they really were!” Wallis turned to face Purple, eyes burning in a rage. “SOMEONE had to teach them some human decency! Their PARENTS sure as heck WEREN'T.” “Sometimes its not the parents, sometimes the kids are just terrible.” “Oh my god we are NOT getting into another argument, I swear all we do is argue!” “Wallis I haven't seen you in years, I'm not arguing. We're just talking, you know.” Wallis sighed frustrated, as he sat back against the seat of the couch. “Whatever.” Purple just rolled his eyes. Sure, Purple missed the guy, but- goddamn he never grows up and he's so STUBBORN and it's so annoying! Old habits die hard, apparently. Purple felt like Wallis had never left. Purple stared down.... feeling himself go cold. That's right.

Wallis left.

Shutting his eyes.... Purple had to say what was on his mind.

“.....Petunia misses you.” Wallis didn't even seem to bat an eye. “So.” “....so you haven't visited your MOM in years.” “I'm aware.” Wallis spoke coldly. Purple could tell the air was thickening again. But, he had to push through.

“You've missed her birthdays.” “I know.” “You UPSET her--” “I KNOW! SHUT UP.” Wallis snapped, glancing away.

Purple grit his teeth.... years of anger finding themselves back to the surface. “Me and Seaweed have gone every year. YOU haven't. You-- you haven't talked to her- or ME-” “Leave this ALONE, Purple--” “-you haven't even talked to SEAWEED, and she was your BEST friend!” “SHUT UP PURPLE I'M SERIOUS!” “NO!” Purple snapped to his feet, as Wallis did also, both glaring coldly at each other. “Do you have ANY idea how badly you've upset them!?” Purple spoke angrily, clenching his fits. He couldn't hold back- not after everything Purple has seen. “You just DISAPPEARED! Your mother hasn't heard a word, your BEST FRIEND-- ME-- no one!! No one knows where you've been!” Wallis tried to pull away, but Purple stepped closer, upset. “Purple BACK OFF-” “They had no idea what was going on with you!! They didn't know if you were okay, or--” “Purple stop it!” “-NO! Don't you care?! Don't you care that they CRIED FOR YOU?!” Purple finally snapped, as Wallis shoved him back furiously. “It's better then them DYING FOR ME!!!”

Purple and Wallis froze in silence, as Wallis stared down, his energy seeming to drain from his face.

“....I. I don't-- want them to die for me.” Wallis mumbled, as he slowly leaned back against the wall. Wallis's hat sat near the shoes, forgotten until now.... as Purple's eyes widened, glancing to the hat.

It....

It made sense.

Wallis... didn't bother to grab his hat. It was even sort of dinged up too- like. He didn't care....

….like he didn't care what happened to it...

“....I.” Wallis trembled against the wall,as Purple turned back over to face him.

“....I don't know-- what I'm capable of, Purple.” His voice was shaking....

“I-

I killed Harold.

I killed him.... I killed my only brother.

And I don't even know how I did it.” The Incident...

“I-- I'm scared-” Wallis spoke, as he slowly sat down, holding his face, gripping his hair tightly.

“I can't do it again. T-there....

There wasn't even anything LEFT of him--

I'm too dangerous--

people around me just--

they just- get hurt....”

Purple stood above his friend, watching Wallis collapse into misery in front of him. How often.... had Wallis actually confronted this? Purple learned about it.... but never through Wallis. Wallis virtually ignored it.... Wallis did everything he could, to ignore what happened to Harold.

Purple gently knelt down to Wallis- one of his oldest friends. And-- if Purple had to be honest... his first crush.

“.....It's not your fault.” “I-it is my f-fault. My brother-- what could he have become? W-would we have gotten a-along? He'd b-be an adult now-- who would h-he be? Would he still b-be shy? W-would—” Wallis couldn't take it anymore. He broke down into sobs, as Purple pulled forward, hugging him close.

For a split second, Purple was worried Wallis would shove him back, but-- Wallis just clung to Purple, tears unending, and Purple stayed right with him. Purple stayed with Wallis, as the hours ticked by, and as the tears dried up.

Purple stayed with Wallis, as he made Wallis eat. Purple stayed with Wallis, as Wallis reminisced about his brother. As Wallis broke down again, as Wallis picked himself back up, and as Wallis fell apart once more--

Purple stayed.

And, eventually. Wallis stopped crying. Eventually, Purple convinced him to sleep- and made Wallis take Purple's own bed- regardless of Wallis's protests.

And eventually... the sun began to rise, as Purple sat in the living room, far too exhausted to even think of sleeping on his old broken couch. But as he glanced back into his bedroom-- he saw Wallis, sleeping soundly. Purple couldn't help but smile as he glanced down. It was exhausting, but. Wallis.... finally opened up about it.

And- maybe somehow... this could be the beginning of his healing. Maybe.... Wallis could learn to start forgiving himself. Purple frowned. A therapist could probably help, too.

Sighing, Purple finally laid down on the couch, staring to the ceiling, his tired eyes blinking- trying to force themselves shut.

When he woke, maybe he'd call Petunia. Maybe- he'd convince Wallis to call Petunia. Maybe.... Seaweed could come over. Maybe Purple could help turn this around.

And in his last moments of consciousness... he heard someone- anyone, say two words.

“Thank you.”

[bts-soccer-moms]

!!Soft Fluff Bias Tag 💜

We were tagged by @denim-jins. Thank you! It was so much fun!

Toni

1. Who is my bias?

Our wonderful leader: joonie.

2. What made you notice them?

I'm a slut for smart guys and Intellectuals so this was pretty much a no brainer for me. I was in denial for some time tho.

3. What's your favorite thing about them?

I pretty much love everything about him wich is pretty embarrassing tbh. I love that he is so tall and can seem quite intimidating but he's actually the sweetest and nobody is really scared of him lol. I feel like he takes everyone very seriously and you could have the best conversations with him. But he is also really daddy. Like the ddaeng performance snatched my wig. What the fuck joonie not okay.

4. Who would initiate skinship more?

Probably me. I'm a little like jiminie in that regard. I just love cuddling.

5. Who would hog the blankets more?

If you steal my blankets imma whoop your ass. One blanket each. I hate shared blankets!

6. Who would be more clingy?

I don't think either of us would be very clingy. I need my alone time and I think Joonie does too. I like it when things come naturally and I think Joonie is pretty sensitive so he will know when it's time to spend some time together.

7. Who would say I love you first?

Him probably lol. I have never said I love you. I take that shit very fucking seriously. I don't know. When it feels right I will say it but I'll probably take my time so it's possible he'll beat me to it.

8. Who would be more easily flusteted?

Him. Like have you seen the guy? He is so easy to make flustered and imma make sure to take advantage of that.

9. What cuddling position would you two have?

Spooning and I'd be the little spoon. He's perfect for that with his long ass arms and big ass body. Or I will lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

10. Which colors remind you of him?

I don't really know. Soothing colors I think like a light blue and a deep green. I think he has a very calming presence.

11. What season would you like to spend with them?

I fucking love autumn. It's the best time. It has the best light. The best colors. The best food. The best fashion. Let's cuddle up to each other with a tea and listen to the rain outside. Fuck. Yes. And I almost forgot Halloween! Halloween is the best. Couples costume of something obscure nobody but us understands please because I am obnoxious.

12. Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

I think we'd both start together and both eat everything before we could put it in the oven because we are idiots.

13. Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

Again, both of us. And we'd both cringe and then laugh about it trying to one up each other with bad puns until everybody in the room has left.

14. Who would want to adopt 50 cats and dogs?

I don't want that many actually. I just want a few that I can really love. So I think none of us.

15. Which one of you would almost burn the kitchen down trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

Lol do you have to ask?

16. Who likes to lean over train railings and who would pull them back?

Him. I bet he would get fascinated by something and then just forget about the danger. And I'd die of a heart attack every time because he still doesn't really know how to control his long ass limbs.

17. What would watching horror movies with them be like?

I think we'd both like to try and then fail. I think horror is such a cool genre but I am a fucking pussy. So we'd sit down and try to focus on the plot and talk about our fears and stuff. And the there'd be a jump scare and we'd shit our pants.

18. Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

Both a mixture of both I think depending on the mood. I think Joonies game becomes pretty smooth when he's being his deep ass self but when he tries to be all fuckboy it's cringy as hell.

19. Who would be more competitive?

I'm only competitive when it's about being right lol. So we'd argue about a fact and then Google it and the loser would grumble and sit in a corner for a while.

20. Who would have to be given constant reminders (to eat, sleep, drink etc.?)

I hope none of us. I hope we'd find a rhythm where we can do these things together naturally.

21. Who sends memes and who sends cute "I miss you" texts at 3 am?

I send memes. Because when I see something that reminds me of him I'll send it to him. Also I'm an asshole. I hate being cheesy. I think Joonie would be really cute. Especially when he has to work late.

Marie

1. Who is my bias?

the one and only: yoongi. (that gif gives me all the feels)

2. What made you notice them?

i honestly don’t remember. toni introduced me to bts and i was watching a bunch of videos and at some point my brain was like: i want this idiot, plz. and fire did the rest...

3. What’s your favorite thing about them?

where do i start? i love that he is so passionate about his music. he is a man with a plan and not afraid to dream big and work hard. i have a lot of respect for everything he does and did. i also love that he cares so much about the people he love. he doesn’t have to constantly say it but he rather shows it. he is such a softie but pretends not to be. another thing i just adore: he sees the person first and doesn’t judge a book by it’s cover. and last but not least OBVIOUSLY his hands. lol.

4. Who would initiate skinship more?

that’s a hard one because i think neither of us are very touchy, touchy people. but i’m very cuddly with select people, so i would say probably me?

5. Who would hog the blankets more?

two words: separate blankets. i need to sleep wrapped up like a burrito. cuddling is nice but when it comes to sleeping there is my side and his side. 

6. Who would be more clingy?

i think neither of us would be very clingy tbh. i love my freedom and i think so does yoongi. we both probably need our “me-time”. i feel trapped when people are too clingy. but there is also a huge difference in talking each day and being clingy in my opinion. 

7. Who would say I love you first?

i think yoongi would? he has the softest heart and i think he would say it as soon as he feels it. it would take me forever to say it out loud because i overthink EVERYTHING and i would be too afraid to say it. 

8. Who would be more easily flustered? 

we are both tsundere AF. we both get flustered way to easy.

9. What cuddling position would you two have?

head on his chest all the way! i love listening to people’s heartbeats.

10. Which colors remind you of him?

i would say ruby red, because it’s such a strong and powerful color but at the same time it’s warm and calming.

11. What season would you like to spend with them?

winter! especially the christmas time. first of all because i love christmas! but also because it’s the season of staying inside, drinking hot drinks and watching stupid, romantic movies on tv. and christmas time is family time. i have a big family and we spend most weekends leading up to christmas together, playing games, eating food and drinking mulled wine. spending christmas with my family is basically the ultimate boyfriend test. 

12. Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

i love baking, so i would probably bake the cookies and i always make sure that everyone around me can steal the batter. i always need someone to try the batter so i will probably force him to “steal” some. lol.

13. Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

i will make awful puns because i learned from the best (my dad and my grandpa) and i laugh about the stupidest shit. well... and we all know what yoongi thinks of bad puns. :D

14. Who would want to adopt 50 cats and dogs?

neither of us honestly. i think we are both rational in that way. even though i’m an impulse buyer...

15. Which one of you would almost burn the kitchen down trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to rescue?

i’m actually a good cook but i cut myself quite regularly because i’m an idiot. so he would have to protect me from my own stupidity. but i think yoongi could burn the kitchen down just to prove that he can flambé something, because he’s stubborn. 

16. Who likes to lean over train railings and who would pull them back?

i think both of us are fans of safety. lol. 

17. What would watching horror movies with them be like?

well he said he’s not the biggest fan of horror movies. i love horror movies tho but i don’t really enjoy watching them with people who don’t like them. but if he would watch one with me, he would have to protect me afterwards. because even though i love to be spooked, i’m always super scared afterwards. 

18. Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

i think we both would be accidentally cheesy flirts. i feel like we both would find the strangest things super cheesy and some things okay. he would probably try to be smooth but fail miserably. 

19. Who would be more competitive? 

when it comes to games: i’m usually not very competitive but just the fact that he gets super whiney when he loses at a game would make me competitive. i’m a huge asshole to people who can’t lose. :D

20. Who would have to be given constant reminders (to eat, sleep, drink etc.)?

yoongi. 100% he’s a workaholic. he needs someone to take care of him and i would say i’m a very caring person. that’s how i show my love to people, making sure they stay happy and healthy. but at the same time i can't take care of myself so he would have to remind me of that too. lol.

21. Who sends memes and who sends cute “I miss you” texts at 3 am?

again yoongi has the softest heart. i think he would send i miss you text, because he actually cares a lot about the people he loves and what to remind them, that he cares. i just love to send memes. that’s kinda how i show my love to people like: sending people random pictures, because it reminded me of them. 

Hope you enjoyed it! :D

We tag @sugakookiesbutbadass, @honeystae, @kc-junghsk @casuallydylan, @spankpjm and everyone that wants to join! :)

[surveyyyys]

1.if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? Read -- I don't know if this is a contemporary definition of who I am, but I think The Sirens of Titan by Vonnegut would be a good example of what kind of content captivates me. Watch -- Maleficent is a really good movie because it matches my take on love and friendship pretty well. The Devil Wears Prada is also a good movie because it's basically everything I want for my own life. But they would have to stop just before Andy quits her job like I do LOL Listen to -- easily “Evelyn” by Kim Tillman and the Silent Films. I heard that song and I felt like it described me better than I could describe myself. 

2.have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who? I don't think so. I've read a lot of books and really admired how those other people thought. And I connected with the messages that the books sent. But I don't think I felt that my thought process measured up to theirs LOL.

3.three songs that you connect with right now. Adia Victoria's cover of Laissez Tomber Les Filles Hurricane by 76th Street Hospital Beds by Florence and the Machine

4.would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? LOL nah. She's not very trustworthy and she seems a little passively judgmental in bed. Plus I'm straight LOL

5.have you taken someones virginity? Yes!

6.how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? None LOL

7.if you could, would you take back your last kiss? I wouldn't! I think it was necessary.

8.who would you like to see in concert? Probably Marina. I think that would be a really fun concert.

9.what was the last concert you saw? I went to Warped with a few other people 2 years ago.

10.would you ever want to swim with sharks? LOL hell no

11.do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I hope so! I want to be the kind of person who's always changing.

12.what was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably something silly my mom said.

13.a song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? I don't really listen to music during sex... but probably Tadow by Masego.

14.have any pets? My sister has a cat! I like to consider her partially my cat.

15.do you want to have kids? How many? Not now obviously, but eventually. I don't think I would want more than 2.

16.do you have piercings? How many? I only have 2 ear piercings.

17.do you miss anyone from your past? Of course I do. I think that's just part of being a person though.

18.what are you craving right now? Nothing really... maybe the energy to get me through this next semester?

19.have you ever broken someone’s heart? Probably. Not like seriously broken their heart, but done a little damage to it.

20.have you ever been cheated on? Yes.

21.have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? I mean, his actions often made himself cry. But I was the one who was affected by his actions, yes.

22.do you believe in true love? I believe that true love is unconditional love, and that it only exists when it comes to family. Blood is always thicker than water.

23.favourite weather? The first few weeks of fall when it's still warm out, and the leaves are still changing color. After that it becomes a gross playground for seasonal depression.

24.do you like the snow? LOL nope never did

25.do you wanna get married? Someday. But I don't want it so much that I'm going to sit around waiting for it to happen, you know?

26.is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Sure, depends on who it is.

27.what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? LOL the weird tense we speak in.

28.go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! It is physically impossible to lick your elbow.

29.what’s your favorite pasta dish? I like a well done spinach ravioli.

30.what color do you really want to dye your hair? I don't really want to dye my hair that badly. But when I'm old and my hair gets white anyway, I'm gonna dye it pink. Nobody's gonna argue with an old lady with pink hair, you know what I mean?

31.what’s your favorite eye color? I think this is a very "White People" question since most other ethnicities have brown eyes by default.

32.talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. LOL I get a bag like that each year. I don't really buy expensive branded bags for this purpose since I know they're gonna end up in the armpit of New Brunswick, on Rutgers bathroom floors, and on nasty buses by the end of the year. I don't love them to pieces, but I'm glad I have them. This year's bag is a small white sling bag with a pink and green floral design on it. It carries everything I would need or want on a daily basis (ex. phone, wallet, extra phone charger, gum, whatever liquid lipstick I'm wearing that day, mini Swiss Army knife, earbuds, compact mirror, etc.). I take it everywhere with me.

33.are you a morning person? Not in the slightest.

34. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? I've never broken in anywhere LOL

35.what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I don't wear a particular pair of shoes with every outfit. I think the oldest pair of shoes I own are these tattered gray boots that I got in like middle school LOL. I rarely wear them.

36.what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I never really invested in like cute or fun socks because they're always expensive and I think it's kind of a useless thing to invest in. But everyone always has these interesting fuzzy socks on and I'm like "hmm, maybe I should get a pair of those." But I never do. In terms of socks, I prefer function over fashion for some reason.

37.tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Nothing really interesting happened after 3am. There are usually 3 different post-3-AM scenarios: either I'm talking to someone for so long that it's approximately 4 to 5am before we realize it, we were drinking and someone got too drunk and blacked out/threw up, we were drinking/doing drugs and we actually survived the night without blacking out/throwing up.

38.do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! LOL I just go to Starbucks man.

39.who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I don't go stargazing with anyone. I just notice them by myself and it makes my day better. It's more of a personal thing for me.

40.what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I was always really scared of bugs. I still am.

41.do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Nah I don't buy either. I don't have a CD/record player.

42.think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I always used to associate the song "Belle of the Boulevard" with my older sister. I don't think it applies anymore though, since she's in a relationship now.

43.what are your favorite memes of the year so far I like the lil spiderman one. I also thought the "some of you never ____ and it shows" ones were fun until they reached mainstream meme sources (Buzzfeed, Instagram, etc.) and they became unfunny.

44.do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I don't like poetry.

45.what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? A Pottery Barn gift card when I was in middle school. For both instances.

46.what are some of your worst habits? I care too much about what other people think. I also grind my teeth.

47.describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. They're really short, probably one of the shortest people I've ever met. They're an INTJ through and through, and usually pride themselves on telling it like it is. Sometimes though, they "tell it like it is" during inappropriate situations which can be annoying. They really want to be a writer, but they're working in Marketing now for the money. They're a good student, and are motivated to succeed, which is a breath of fresh air in an environment where nobody seems to care about where they're going or how to improve. Behind their IDGAF attitude, though, they give many fucks. They tell me that they care deeply for their friends, and most of the time I actually believe them (which is saying a lot for me, since I never believe that anyone cares about anyone). They have a lot of insecurities and they can try to cover up those insecurities with male validation.

48.tell us about your pets! My sister has a cat named Minnie. She's a brown cat and she's getting to be on the heavy side LOL. She screams between 3pm and 6pm because that's when she's hungry. She also likes sitting outside closed doors and screaming. She really likes boys and she'll be super sweet to them. She's pretty indifferent to girls though.

49.is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? Actually, no. At most, I should probably be working on my case study or getting my shit together before school starts. But these are the last two days of my winter break. So it's okay if I relax a little bit.

50.are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I don't really care about minions LOL.

51.what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? My coworkers threw me a little birthday party and put up streamers and got me cupcakes this past summer. It really brightened my day, since no one had done that for me in years.

52.describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. I don't really gaze into my friend's eyes like that.

53.what’s some of your favorite album art? War Eternal by Arch Enemy, Broken Machine by Nothing But Thieves, How to be a Human Being by Glass Animals, Villains by Queens of the Stone Age, Heritage by Opeth, and probably a few others.

54.are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I want to get a tattoo on my upper back next summer. It's going to be a mountain range with a few birds flying over it, and 2 lines written in this language I made up underneath it.

55.do you like concept albums? which ones? I like the idea of them! I don't think I listen very much to any concept albums though.

56.what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Memento and Forrest Gump.

57.list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Oh No! by Marina, Hurricane by 76th Street, The Wolf by Phildel, Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine, Orbiting by the Weepies, Pretty Little Head by Eliza Rickman, Elastic Heart by Sia, Big Girls Cry by Sia, Cellophane by Sara Jackson Holman.

58.if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Definitely to go 5 years into the future.

59.what do you do when you’re sad? I usually just listen to music and wallow.

60.what are some things you do when you can’t sleep? I play this one specific podcast called Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. I'm usually asleep within the next 30 minutes of playing it.

61.what was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had? There are a few contenders. There's the night I did acid for the first time. There's any of the nights we had those parties in our suite last year where no one threw up/cried. There's that night I legitimately fell off the bed laughing, and we drove to another campus in the middle of the night in someone's pickup truck. Any one of the nights during my winter community service break trip where we cooked/got sentimental/bonded. I'm sure there are others.

62.who is the last person you told a secret to? The same friend I described in this survey.

63.what’s the best piece of advice you ever received? Many people have told me this. But it's to stop trying to jump to the finish line and enjoy the present.

64.what’s your favorite food? I don't have one specific all-across favorite food. But I really like breakfast food out of all others!

65.what’s your secret dream? I want to go on a several-day-long trip with a bunch of close friends. I don't want to tag along with my sister... I want it to be my own trip with my own friends.

66.three songs you were recently obsessed with. Despicable - Grandson OBLIVIUS - The Strokes Broken Machine - Nothing But Thieves

67.three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one --

68. three favourite old songs A Well Respected Man - The Kinks Shout At The Devil - Motley Crue Rust In Peace... Polaris - Megadeth

69.three last songs you listened to Overdose by Grandson and two other random songs I didn't pay much attention to.

70.worst possible time to get horny: During an exam (it's happened before).

71.have you ever had a friends with benefits? Yup a couple times. Didn't last very long though.

72.do you believe in soulmates? Consciously I don't, but subconsciously I do.

73.Is there anyone you would die for? My sister and my mom.

74.whowas the last person you cried in front of? My sister's cat LOL

75.do you give out second chances too easily? I actually don't give out enough second chances I think.

76.is it easier to forgive or forget? Forget.

77.is this year the best year of your life? Nope, that was definitely 2016.

78.do you have trust issues? Very much so.

79.who/what was your last dream about? I don't actually remember... I knew it was set in a university environment though.

80.would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Only if I could go back to my first year of college and relive it.

[daily-apocalypse]

Excuse me, I’ve been drinking.

Personal growth-wise, this week kind of sucked.  I was weak.  I was distracted.  I let things come between me and my learnin’ stuffs, like socialization and shopping for necessities.  I’m losing sight of the end game, and I know it.  I need that, though, the idea of being something greater than I am now, if I’m going to get through this.

I did finally get a hair cut and no one noticed, so that’s upsetting in its own right, but I also got different colored pens and post its and notebooks and, despite no sleep going from Wednesday into Thursday, leaving me, at 9am, telling my dependents to do what they like in regard to working out so I could sleep since someone decided ‘sweltering’ was a good temperature for the thermostat, I ended this week on a strong note.

Come Friday afternoon, after diligently working out and dedicating more time than usual to understanding wtf code was being thrown at me, I wasn’t a floppy Spock come 4pm.

Due to this, I’ve come to learn that exhaustion isn’t the sole reason I don’t log into game anymore.  Perfectly energized, there’s this restlessness inside of me once I stop working out or coding that just can’t be filled by throwing myself at useless pixel challenges.

In matters of my heart, however, I was settled.  That may not seem like a big thing to some people, but it’s a pretty big thing, I promise.  I don’t tend to have heart issues, so when they happen, it may as well be declared some kind of miracle.  The TLDR is that I’m better off and happier without them.

In fact, the moment my life faced upheaval and my bestie suggested alternatives to despair, he also sent me pics of this guy... this guy I was pleasantly surprised I remembered from 2 halloweens ago.

And I panicked at the prospect of being set up on a date with a stranger.

I’m in no state to devote myself to a relationship where heartbits are involved.  Not that I ever am, but most especially right now.  I lack funds, I lack energy (for the most part), I lack courage, and relationships take time and attention and courage and energy, above all else.

I’d be a wreck.  I’d barely have those qualities, at the best of times, but now...?

And I’m obviously saving myself for Antoni from Queer Eye, so I’m clearly not into relationships that can possibly happen or work.  Please, remove all sensible nonsense and prospects from my sight asap.

And my heart is still broke.  Settled, but broke.

It was a break I learned from.  A break where I had to face the guy daily afterwards.  How to cope?  My MO has been to run, in the past, but not this time.  So, instead, I cut him out of everything.  I simply stopped acknowledging his existence for my own survival.

Outside of tonight.

Long before I began drinking for the evening, I made out a list of all the things I aspire to be, for future reference and general guidance when I forget myself:

1.) Fit 2.) Generous 3.) Compassionate 4.) Kind 5.) Courageous 6.) To look for what I have in common with another person, rather than how I’m different from that person.

And the night ended with this person talking to me and messaging me, leaving me feeling like I’ve legitimately been missed, asking for a second chance.

It seemed unreal, them asking for another chance.  They hadn’t really done anything wrong, and yet, here they were.  And I felt missed.  It’s been a couple of months since we’ve spoken.  He believed I hated him.  I didn’t hate him.  I just couldn’t cope with him.

It only seemed right to say that, yeah, being friends again would be nice... given what I’d only a few hours ago carved into a post-it note and adhered to my desk as a reminder of just what sort of person I wanted to be.  Acquiescing to this request for friendship seemed to fit with 2-5, and maybe 6.

To be clear, I don’t want anything from him.  But I enjoyed him so much, and life is just easier without him in it because I don’t have to daily lament what I can’t have.  It was a rare joy to feel like myself with someone.  There’s been a few times since we stopped talking to each other, even tonight, where we either say or laugh at the same thing, because we’re saying or feeling or enjoying something the same way, and it’s like, “get out of my head.  You’re not welcome here.”  But that was the beauty of our friendship... the absolute nonsense that we could revel in together.

And sharing stupid parts of our lives.

Him getting the wrong couscous in a vain attempt to prove a point and failing miserably in unforeseen ways.  Sharing his blizzard.  Him having avocado toast for breakfast while I try out some pancakes in some completely unplanned and undiscussed freaky friday exchanging of lifestyles.

I made banana pancakes the other day and couldn’t get his voice out of my head, taunting me about it.  I wanted so badly to tell him, to take pics and show him... this after he admitted some sort of netherlands waffle cookie was good to our group.  I’d never made pancakes of any sort before, and these were beauties to the eye and to the tastebuds.

We were very very anti each other’s preferred breakfast pastry, you see.  I was team waffles, he was team pancakes.  We argued for at least two weeks straight over which was superior.  I’m not even exaggerating.

It’s insane and a little unfair how people can follow you around without even being there; how the stupidest things can remind you of them, or what they might think, feel, or say... so that, in these few months we haven’t been speaking, he’s been gone, but still somewhere in my head, there’s occasionally this little voice giving its unwanted opinion.

In a way, it’s a relief -- of course it is -- that he said anything, that the alcohol left him brave or sleepy or *whatever* enough to address our silence and how it came to be.  I wonder if he’s heard some version of me in his head, too, commenting on food or the weather or some other random thing.  Surely, he must have. If so, this must be why he said something.  If not, he missed it and this must be why he said something.  Right?  Maybe?  Maybe, though I’ve been alone, I haven’t been alone.  Or maybe it was him extending an olive branch, making amends and reparations for some completely unrelated resolution, some list to be a better person, like I have posted to my desk now.

In another way, it’s utterly the worst ever.  It’s dangerous finding someone like him, because then I want someone like him, so I can be me in every way I am with him, and the abject sadness of that not existing is too much for me to deal with.  Because of the proximity.  Because it’s right there.  It’s so easy to want.  Even when it’s not something I should want.  And then I fear it can’t be found anywhere else.

It’s also a bit of a relief that I’m drawn to the food and wine guy on Queer Eye. We were passionate about food, this guy and I.  Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that neither are available, but at least I’m pointed in a direction and kind of know it’s not just him.  It’s me.  I’m DTF: down to food.

And I appreciate ridiculous shit.

I used to own that shower cap.  Not even lying.  Pack of 3: leopard print, green, and white.  The print flaked off the leopard and the elastic bands went gummy on all three.  Sad. Face.  Regardless, I was always that kid at lunch who’d eat whatever exotically awful combination of foods and condiments others could come up with.

I’ve never owned a sweat band, car shirt, or questionable doll person, but I’d be so about that life if it were suddenly presented to me.

1.) I don’t know how to upload my own gifs to tumblr.  2.) I actually have a photo of myself from a few years ago, in Target, wearing that same unicorn bike helmet while holding up my soon-to-be Ninja Turtle panties.

I originally enjoyed Queer Eye for its message and the feels and didn’t think too much of Antoni until I noticed he was usually the one exploring the unknown while others were helping out the hero, and then the show was elevated to a whole new level and worth watching again just to see wtf was going on in the background.

How hard can it possibly be to find a person with these qualities who can also worship me as hard as I’d worship them?  That’s my night.  That’s my life.  That’s why it’s so hard to cope with this guy, because he’s so close to my vision of perfect.

[the-pains-of-a-22-year-old]

To that Special Someone.

I thought I should begin by telling you; YES, this will be an emotional email but if you respect me enough, you would read it. If I said this through text, or through social media, you probably won’t read it or it probably wouldn’t matter to you. It still probably wouldn’t matter to you now anyways but I gotta take the chance rather than regret it. I can’t help it and I’m not sorry for being emotional because being emotional and compassionate means I am human and that I can love sincerely and wholeheartedly. That was what I did for you. I’m not gonna apologize for being inlove with you just because you don’t have as much emotion as I did.

The first time I saw you, I couldn’t trust you. You had that feel to you . . . the sort of person who just says things to make the other person feel good but don’t really mean it or just says things then breaks it. I admit, I fancied you . . . you were one of those really cute guys that is too good to be true. When you keep cancelling on the day of my birthday, I was like . . . ‘’Yeah, I don’t think I can trust this person’’. I fancied you enough to make me question my feelings for Sho but of course, my doubts were bigger. Ultimately I chose Sho, he was sincere and he was my ideal guy. He left me though. So that was when you came back to the picture. On the night when you came to pick me up from work, I had my doubts. I was ready to leave because I wasn’t sure whether you’d cancel on me leaving me to cycle on a later and more dangerous time of the night. I don’t know what made me stay, maybe because deep inside me, I still had hope that you weren’t that guy I thought you were, maybe I was still naïve enough to think “Hey there are still some good people left on this world.’’ But you came. One of the things that broke my wall even more is the fact that when you couldn’t find me, you circled the whole university just to find me. I always thought men like you don’t exist anymore . . . that men are just AFTER the same things; SEX. Vagina. BDSM. Porn. Fuckbuddy. Then, I saw you with Stefan . . . I found you so beautiful and kind and just . . . unlike the others. I thought, yeah, I can take a risk with this guy. This guy is worth it. He wouldn’t be like Allane.

So yeah, one year later, you still loved me, you didn’t stray and you didn’t betray me. I was like . . . yeah, he’s not an Allane. It’s okay I can trust him. Yes, I did question you a lot, in fact, I question the stupidest things because I’ve been hurt before, men have lied to me before, men have promised things and deceived me before. I was wrong to think and wait for the mistakes you’ll be doing to me, but I can’t help being scared. I was risking my heart. When my parents are gone, all I have is myself. But you made me think you were gonna be there to support me. You made me think yes, he’s the one. He’s my family. Our relationship is special. We fought and argued a lot but we can do this. We can get through anything. That’s what you kept telling me too. But you know, my defenses were turned off, I let my emotions get the better of me, I wanted things but I was scared to go get them. I was scared to lose you, so I was doing things to LOSE you.

The irony right? Haha. I got so deep that even you couldn’t even swim after me. You need to ascend and breathe again, because in all your efforts to come and swim after me, you started to drown . . . the oxygen levels got lower and lower until you couldn’t breathe anymore. So maybe that’s why after two years, you decided ‘’Hey, lemme breathe too’’. Maybe that’s what the break is for. But now that you’ve ascended, you’re presented with two choices; Go back to her and swim again? Or swim back to the shore, where there are many others who was already on the ground, people you didn’t have to save. To be honest, I don’t know what your decision is, I won’t know until after years. The thing is, by the time you were swimming up to catch a breath, I was already swimming after you. I was about to save myself and catch up with you and your light. I was about to come and swim right next to you, and then I saw you leaving, swimming back to that shoreline. I stopped swimming then but I didn’t stop living.  I don’t know what’s worse.

You told me that you wouldn’t leave me, you promised that.

You promised that you wouldn’t be like Allane who left me after I left for the Philippines. I had to relive one of the most traumatic things for me in the past. The things that Allane did to me, they were the things that were so horrible for me that I still cringe at the mention of his name. It’s happening to me all over again. I probably hurt you more first, that’s what I keep telling myself, trying to justify the things that have happened thus far.

Being friends is cool, I envy your parents for being able to stay friends when they broke up before. I think I’m too sensitive for that. I’m not sorry for being to love someone so much. I can be friends on FB just to be civil, but I can’t be a friend to you in real life. I can’t PRETEND that I’m not inlove with you or that I don’t love you. Unfortunately, I’m not that heartless. I did think about it, do I miss you or the fact that I had a bf? Did I miss you or OUR memories? And in the two months we’ve been apart, I got my answer. I went on tinder and got so many matches, I was actually matching with different men every. Single. Day. Got so many offers of various things. Don’t get me wrong, I did entertain them, I spoke to them, laughed and all that. But I never agreed to go on dates, never agreed to meet anyone because for some reason, I had the feeling that everyone was after one thing. SEX. I put you on this high pedestal that says ‘’Angel’’ on it. You were that one of a kind guy who wanted a girl for her heart and soul and not for sex. He isn’t the guy who would just use a girl like that. I didn’t miss the fact that I had a boyfriend because I could’ve gone and had relationships with just anyone, but still I wanted you. I missed YOU; not the ‘’I can’t live without you-miss’’. It’s the ‘’We could’ve done so much more, travelled to different places, seen different things. We could’ve made more memories together’’. For two months, I tried my best to just be civil, to be okay as this fuck-buddy ex girlfriend. To just take your HOT and COLD behaviour towards me, the ‘’I miss you, I want you, I really love you, You were the best GF I had’’ to the ‘’Move On, This is bad for ME, I USED to love you’’. I told myself, it’s okay. He’s a good person anyway. I can take it; I’ve given him more shit than that. It’s okay I can suffer, he’s suffered more than I have. I’ve justified your behavior towards me because, on that night of your birthday that I travelled two hours just so I can ‘spend time’ with you, even just for a minute, even if it was glimpses, I still saw the Ryan I fell inlove with; the guy who kneeled on the dirty ground and cried because he wanted me back, the guy who hugged me so hard because I was the girl he wanted for that moment. I was happy, so happy that I actually considered it as my birthday present. For that birthday I had that you forgot, because I just wasn’t that important anymore. I had let things go that was so painful for me because you were worth it for me, or at least the OLD Ryan was.

I can’t be friends with you because I like having open conversations with my friends, emotional even . . . and since the deposit topic cannot be used anymore as my excuse to talk to you, I don’t have any other. I can’t tell you about my day, or what I’m feeling because like how I tried to tell you about the guy who was harassing me, all you could muster up was ‘’block him’’. I can’t confide in you like a friend because all you can really say is ‘’kk’’. I never started conversations because I don’t want to be dubbed as your crazy ex gf again. Being ‘’fb friends’’ with you just gives us a false sense of security that the person who was in our lives once, is still there even though we will never truly know them again.

I’m still bitter too, bitter on how you claim I’m so pretty, I’m so awesome, I’m hot and that I make you horny yet . . . I wasn’t worth it. When you said that, if you wanted a relationship you’d ask me, all I could think of is… so why are you talking to these other girls? And I know it’s because you want to. I have no right to get mad at that, I no longer have any right – and that’s what makes me bitter. All I can do is take it. If you somehow find a new ‘love of your life’, which to me sounds possible since you’re messaging other girls, OFC I will get jealous. No matter how the saying goes ‘’Yeah, if you love someone you let them go’’, but the thought of someone else making you smile like I did, making you laugh like I did, that’s extremely painful to fathom. You probably don’t feel that at all because you’ve somehow become this robot. No emotions. No compassion. No genuine care.

The fact that you just USED to LOVE ME ONCE but still want to ‘look after me’, all I can think of is . . . all he feels now is responsibility because he’s the guy who put me in this situation. That’s all he feels now, responsibility. Not Love. And that’s fucking painful. Probably what you felt when Kaytee dumped you just for another fuckboy. Funny how you end up doing the things you claim to have hated, huh? We all eventually turn into the monsters we hate.

Also, the passion and sexual chemistry between us is still there. When we see each other, we immediately hug, hold each other’s hand like everything is back to normality, then we stare longingly to each other’s eyes. Like twats really. It’ll probably be more painful for me when I stop seeing that caring eyes of yours, seeing as you’re changing so much, your eyes are no longer that of a caring man but of a normal, average boy.  

In your eyes, you expect us to be friends where bitterness, jealousy, passion and human nature no longer exist. I would love to see it as that too, but unfortunately, I didn’t change into a robot like you did. Maybe being friends sort of helps you humanize your self due to your monstrous change, but being friends doesn’t help me. Yeah sure, we can keep the deal or if you want completely scrap it. It’s hard to know what you truly want, I can’t read you anymore but one thing I can think about is how I can’t be your friend. I can’t be there anymore because breaking up with me means you’ve removed me from the picture. I no longer have a part in that perfect life of yours. You’ve made me into this horrible girl in front of your family. I’ll just be another Kaytee even though I tried my best to make it up to you. Probably never had anyone else do that to you before so you can just casually brand me as emotional and/or crazy.  

I hope that in the future, when you finally want a girl who would love you as much, you find one who wouldn’t trample on your feelings like this. Although, you’ve been cheated on by Kaytee and your previous GF so you probably already know that pain. I hope your next GF wouldn’t cheat on you. I hope you find happiness, even if it’s with someone else. If you want me anyway, right now, I would hope that I’m still that person and that I still somehow respect you as much as I respected the old Ryan during that time. Hopefully, you don’t hate me as much as you do anymore.

I’ll probably be single, MAYBE. Because the guy I want, the guy I fell for, isn’t in this generation and isn’t in you anymore. As much as I hoped he’s still in there, I have no idea. But . . . happiness is more fulfilling if you find it yourself. The flowers smell more beautiful when you grow them yourself. I already tried my best with you. I want to be someone’s ALWAYS. not Sometimes. And you kinda just treated me like a piece of punching bag, I probably deserve it but I gotta stop blaming myself. All this time, I’ve been blaming myself.

I will always want that old Ryan because he was a genuine person. He was a hopeless romantic, same as me. He was kind, courage and passionate. He would stop at pedestrians who needed help. He would find you whenever you were lost. He would swim after you. But now, I have to live my own life without him. If he comes back then great, but if not, I will always have that peace of mind that I did everything I could. I will wait as long as I can, but I won’t have my regrets because I saw it through. I already did everything I could.

Now, if you have to release your urges, do it with someone else. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do this for you anymore. I can’t pretend that I have no feelings, because that isn’t me. I’m not like you. You can probably do loveless sex, because you did it with me so . . . Anyway, it’s not my problem anymore. I’m not gonna try and wriggle myself in your life anymore. If you want me back (if ever), then tell me. Talk to me. Give me something acceptable. But I can’t be that person who can handle being so manipulating, calculating and uncaring. I’m not stopping the communication because I don’t want to talk to you anymore, but because I really don’t know how to act with you anymore . . . Maybe in a couple of months, when hearing your name isn’t painful anymore. When pretending isn’t so bad anymore, when I don’t feel as much anger anymore because NOTHING in this situation is the ‘’NORMALITY’’ that you’re asking for. Even if we did go out for 2 years, even if we were both serious about each other, even if we both loved each other . . . you stopped at some point and you turned your back on me. I ‘’used’’ to love you ‘’once’’ just don’t cut it with me. I can go back to being facebook friends with you, nothing more though. If you have something to say to me, then say it but you wanted me to move on, then moving on is what I’ll do. I’ll be better, I’ll be prettier, I’ll be sexier, and I’ll be more experienced, more mature, less dramatic, less emotional. Someone who no longer deserves a DRAMA QUEEN award.