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loslentesdepedrito · 1 year ago

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I'm Your Wife- Chapter Six

Jack gif by: @coredrive My Masterlist

Pairing: Jack Daniels ‘Agent Whiskey’x Spanish-speaking f!reader and Javier Peña x Spanish-speaking f!reader (Spanish translations are provided.)

Previous Chapter: I'm Your Wife- Chapter Five

Next Chapter: I'm Your Wife- Chapter Seven

Word count: 4.3k+

Chapter summary: Jack visits Ángel in the hospital, bringing the gifts he bought. During the visit, you find yourself reflecting on your relationship with Jack—both before and after your engagement. Also, your husband, Javi, and your ex-husband, Jack, try their best to not kill each other. (Picks up directly from ch. 5. The flashback scene is bold and italicized.)

Rating: 18+ No explicit content, but this is an 18+ page. Warning contains spoilers, but please read if you'd like!!! They are below the cut, but if you don't want to read them, the story starts after the aviators.

Warnings: Angst, jealousy, light suggestive stuff, pregnancy, divorce, childhood disease, mention of death, mention of the death of a child.

You were abruptly pulled from that memory when you heard a soft “¿Mami?”

Your head snapped towards Ángel, who was awake from his nap, his hair adorably messy.

"We've been calling your name," Javi says, no longer in his chair. He's now pouring some milkshake from a third cup into a smaller one for Ángel.

"Sorry, nomas estaba pensando ([I] was just thinking),” you say as you get up to give your son a kiss.

“¿En que, mami? (In what, mommy?)” Ángel asks, tilting his head to look at you.

Before you can reply, a knock echoes in the room.

"Come in," Javi says, loud enough for the person behind the door to hear.

The door opens, and Jack enters with a blue bag in hand.

"Mr. Daniels!" Ángel greeted him, clearly happy to see him.

"Hi, buddy," Jack responded, glad to see that Ángel was taking a liking to him, even if he didn't know their true connection.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asks, genuinely concerned.

"Good, thank you," Ángel replies politely, lifting his cup to take a sip. "My dad gave me some milkshake," he adds with a small smile.

At the mention of Javi’s name, Jack turns to Javi. "Javier," he acknowledges with a slightly sour tone.

"Hi, Jack," Javi responded without bothering to look up from what he was doing.

"I got something for you," Jack says, placing a gift bag on his son's lap. Ángel's head instinctively turned to look at Javi with big questioning eyes, silently seeking permission.

“Puedes abrirlo (you can open it),” Javi said softly, granting him permission.

Ángel eagerly reached into the bag, pulling out tissue paper and tossing it over his shoulder onto the floor. He excitedly reached into the bag with his small arm and pulled out a boy's denim jacket. It was a dark blue wash with silver buttons and yellow stitching all along the jacket. The jacket had several pockets, and Ángel immediately started sticking his small fingers into them. The most noticeable feature was a deep red patch at the back of the neck area. In the center of the maroon leather, the word "Jean" was meticulously stitched in bold, white thread. The stitching wasn't perfect, nor was it meant to be; it almost appeared as if it had been hand-sewn. Near the bottom right corner of the patch, a quartet of squares appears, not arranged in a straight line, but it looked better that way. Each square bears a single letter, together spelling out "S-H-O-P."

“¡Qué chulo! (so cute!)” Ángel exclaimed in awe as he tried to put it on, getting halfway before realizing that his right arm had an IV.

"I love it! Thank you so much, Mr. Jack!" your son exclaims with genuine joy. It almost makes up for all the Christmases Jack missed with Ángel - almost.

"No need to thank me, buddy," Jack replies, delighted that Ángel liked the jacket. Kids usually prefer toys over clothing, but ever since Ángel met Jack, he's had cowboy fever.

"I have the same one," Jack adds, the idea of matching with his son warming his heart. Jack couldn't help himself but buy items identical to the ones he already had in his closet. "You can wear it when you get out of here and go to the ranch," Jack explains.

Ángel responds happily and giddy, his excitement bubbling over.

"Keep looking, there's more," Jack encourages his son to explore the rest of the gifts, eager to see his reaction.

“Muy bien (very well), Mr. Jack," Ángel says obediently, forgetting Jack doesn't know Spanish. He reaches into the bag and pulls out a book.

"One hundred fun facts about Horses," Ángel reads out loud and gasps.

"He loves books," you fill Jack in.

Jack was going to say, he didn't get that from me, but he held back and instead replied, "he got that from you."

"Can I read this now?" Ángel questions, clutching the milkshake in one hand and the book in the other.

"There's still more,” Jack points at the bag.

Ángel seemed astonished, asking as if he couldn't believe it, "More?"

"Just one more," Jack laughs at his son's excitement.

For the third time, Ángel reaches into the bag, his face contorted in confusion as he struggles to pull out the item with one hand. "Ma," he calls out and hands you his drink. You hold it for him, and with both hands, he successfully retrieves the last item from the bottom of the bag.

He takes out a black box with the word 'stetson' printed in white ink. Your son rattles the box, but his eyebrows pinch in the middle; he can't make out what's inside the box.

He finally reads the text and asks, "What is a stetson?" Not waiting for an answer as his curiosity got the best of him, he takes matters into his own hands and opens the box, revealing a layer of white tissue paper inside. This time, he's more careful. With his small fingers, Ángel gently grasps the paper from both ends in the middle and pulls it apart.

"Wow!" he exclaims as he sees a black hat upside down. He delicately removes the hat from its container and flips it over to examine it with wide eyes.

Ángel looks at Jack with a smile that warms Jack's heart, a smile he'd do anything for, even if it meant crawling to the depths of hell and facing Satan himself, just to keep it on his son's face.

He begins, "My grandpa gave me a hat—" but his sentence is cut short when he eyes Jack's own hat. He then turned his attention back to the smaller hat in his hands, his face contorted with intense concentration. "Wait... it's just like yours, Mr. Jack!"

The smile that Jack offers in response is just like Ángel's. He can already envision his son wearing everything he's given him. The prospect of having his son resemble him, even in a small way, fills Jack with emotion. Tears prick Jack’s eyes at the thought of his son looking like a little version of himself, without the mustache, of course. He can’t wait for the day his son will be his spitting image, from head to toe, or more appropriately, from the top of the hat to the tip of his boots. Now he just needs boots, Jack thinks, making a mental note to purchase them soon.

"Do you like it?" Jack asks.

"I love it!" Ángel exclaims.

Without hesitation, he places the hat on his head and grins when it fits perfectly. "My glasses didn't fall this time!"

Laughter envelops the room, and you can't help but wish for this kind of co-parenting relationship with Jack.

“Papi, look, it looks a little like the one grandpa gave me,” Ángel says not resisting showing his dad, as he does with everything.

It was indeed true; Chucho had gifted his grandson a straw hat. The moment Ángel received the hat, he'd given his grandpa a giant hug and then raced to show his dad.

Javi had never shared his son before, so watching him interact with Jack was a bit difficult for him. But he knew it was for the best, and he held onto the certainty that Ángel would always be his son, no matter what.

"Sí, mijo, te ves lindo (Yes son, you look nice)," Javi honestly praised Ángel's appearance, trying to focus on the happiness of the moment.

Jack, in the same boat as Javi, felt his heart chip ever so slightly every time Ángel called Javier "dad." He made a conscious effort to push aside these feelings and to fully enjoy the present.

"It’s perfect, right?” Jack asked, wanting reassurance.

“Yes, Mr. Daniels. Thank you,” Ángel replied, gratitude in his eyes, and he invited Jack to sit down next to him.

Jack complied happily, impressed by Ángel's ability to win him over so quickly.

“Can you tell me more about your ranch, please?” Ángel gazed at Jack with puppy eyes, and Jack couldn't resist.

He chuckled at how quickly his son could melt his heart. "Sure thing."

“Wait! I want a picture first,” Ángel suddenly announced.

“I’ll do it,” Jack offered before you or Javi had a chance to react.

Jack stood up from his chair, retrieved his phone from his pocket, and started setting up the camera. While he was busy, Ángel adjusted his jacket to make sure it wasn't slipping off the shoulder where his arm wasn't through the sleeve.

“Ready?” Jack asked, his finger poised over the top right button to take a picture.

Ángel didn’t reply with words. Instead, he looked up at Jack and said, “Cheese,” remembering to smile. He held the pose while Jack's phone captured several clicks.

“Thank you, Mr. Jack,” Ángel said gratefully.

“Thank you, buddy.”

Jack moved to his gallery to look at the pictures he had just taken and let out a sigh of frustration when he noticed the quality wasn't what he had hoped for.

“Maybe I need to get a newer phone,” he grumbled, slightly annoyed.

At that moment, Javi's voice came from behind him, growing nearer. “Probably because I heard the Smithsonian wants to contact you to make a deal so they could display your phone for their 1930s collection,” Javi deadpanned, handing his own phone to Jack. “Here, use my phone. I'll make sure you get the pictures.”

Jack accepted the phone with an eye roll, gave a begrudging nod, and muttered a terse 'thanks' before asking his son to smile once more. This time, Jack was satisfied with the pictures he took and returned Javi's phone.

A palpable tension lingered between the two men as they settled back into their respective chairs, the strained atmosphere refusing to dissipate but remaining held in check within the confines of the hospital room.

Sipping on their milkshakes, Jack raked his brain for a story to share, while you removed your son’s jacket to allow him to lay back more comfortably.

Once Ángel was nestled against the pillows, Jack began his story. “During nights at the ranch, the stars are beautiful. The most beautiful starry nights…”

starry nights

“And that is The Big Dipper,” you pointed at the sky and traced the constellation with your finger. It was a collection of seven bright stars in the shape of a ladle, its handle stretching out across the sky like a long handle on a giant celestial spoon. It was a clear, beautiful night, and the stars seemed to shine especially bright.

��Over there is Orion,” you traced with your finger again. Orion was one of the most recognizable constellations, with its three stars forming Orion's Belt.

“and there-” you turned to look at Jack, expecting to find him gazing at the stars as you had been. Instead, he was looking intently at you.

“What are you looking at?” You asked, puzzled as to why he wasn’t following your descriptions. “Am I boring you?” You wondered, a mix of genuine concern and offense in your voice.

“Nunna that,” he replied in his thick drawl.

“So?” You prodded.

“I just love you,” he said, his expression filled with adoration. Jack looked at you as though you were the most incredible thing in the world.

You couldn't help but laugh, maybe at the intensity of the moment, or maybe at the expression that sent your heart racing, or perhaps a combination of both. You reached out, ran your fingers through his hatless hair – a rarity – and pulled him in for a kiss.

A few months later, he proposed to you, and just like that, it seemed that overnight, he had changed.

The night Jack proposed, the air was filled with the scent of love and the promise of a shared future. Bodies exhausted from the intimate celebration, you both drifted into sleep with the utmost excitement for your upcoming wedding and the prospect of spending the rest of your lives together.

As you dreamt sweetly about your wedding day and all the plans you and Jack had lovingly discussed, Jack had an entirely different dream – one that would alter the course of your lives. In this dream, he was visited by his high school sweetheart, his first wife. She came to him, tearful and broken, a ghost of heartache, accusing him of replacing her with you. Over eight hours of sleep, Jack relived every shared moment, each memory etched into his mind, right down to the devastating memory of burying her along with their unborn son.

In his vivid dream, Jack meticulously compared the two of you, scrutinizing and contrasting your every feature, your every virtue. He reached the conclusion that his first wife was his one true love, his happily ever after. He placed her on an unattainable pedestal, and you, unfortunately, received the short end of the stick. In his altered and frantic mindset, still within the dream, Jack reassured her that you could never replace her because you could never be her. Jack decided that you could never measure up to the ideal woman he had built in his memories of his first wife.

Life had cruelly snatched her away, and in a perverse twist of fate, you became a living and painful reminder of everything he had lost and everything he could never regain. The woman he had lost became an unattainable ghost of perfection, and you, no matter how wonderful and loving, were forever held hostage by the shadow of her memory.

As the morning sun streamed into the room, you opened your eyes, anticipating the warmth of his presence beside you. When he wasn't in bed, you thought he might be in the kitchen making breakfast, so you searched for him happily, looking forward to sharing a bath to relive the delicious soreness from the night before, with thoughts of another round lingering in your imagination. However, your excitement turned to disappointment when he wasn't anywhere in the house.

Hours later, when he finally returned home, his behavior was curt, and he vaguely mentioned having something to do. Initially, you brushed it off, blaming his behavior on the stress of work, assuming it was a one-time thing.

Then, a week passed; Jack distanced himself even further, rejecting your touch and avoiding PDA, which he used to love. The warmth that used to define your connection was now replaced by a chilling void.

Conversations about his day once shared openly, became scarce, and when you broached planning your wedding, he conveniently found errands or claimed overtime at work—anything to avoid the topic.

Your once lively conversations dwindled, and the late-night talks on random topics became a distant memory. Your hopeful wishes for Jack to return to his previous self remained just that—wishes. Instead of reverting, Jack's behavior worsened. Thinking back on that post-engagement morning, it was as though a different Jack had awakened: someone you wouldn't recognize in the years to come, leaving you confused about what you might have done to bring about this change.

Unbeknownst to you, Jack had finished his story. You returned from the memory you had tried so diligently to bury, only to realize that Jack was explaining to his son that he needed to leave.

“I’ve gotta go to the pharmacy and pick up my medicine," he told Ángel. Although Jack didn't specify the medicine he needed to collect, both you and Javi were well aware that it was the injections he needed.

Ángel's face fell with disappointment, evident in his now-diminished smile. But he quickly bounced back before Jack could offer more apologies.

"It's okay, Mr. Jack," he said with a brave smile, even though his eyes betrayed his disappointment.

"Medicine is very important," Ángel added matter-of-factly.

Jack smiled at the boy's maturity. "You're absolutely right."

"I'll see you soon, right?" Ángel asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Whenever the hospital allows," Jack replied cautiously, refraining from disclosing his procedure, as Ángel wasn’t aware of the pending surgery, and Jack didn't want to lie to his son.

Ángel accepted Jack's answer and thanked him for the wonderful gifts before saying his goodbyes.

"I'll see you out, Jack. The exit you normally use is closed, so you'll need to go through the sky bridge," Javi offered.

"Sure," Jack agreed without protest.

He was just about to say goodbye to you when Ángel suddenly exclaimed, "Oh-uh…”

All three of you turned your heads, concern etching your features.

“Tengo que ir al baño (I have to go to the restroom),” he said anxiously. Typically, he didn't need assistance, but the IV made it complicated to go to the bathroom by himself.

Javi immediately offered, “Lo llevo yo (I’ll take him).” Given your pregnancy, taking care of Ángel was challenging, and Javi didn't want to jeopardize the well-being of all three of you. So Javi had willingly taken over the physical tasks of caring for him. He didn't mind – he loved looking after his son. Besides, he didn't want you walking Jack out, given that he remembered Jack referring to you as his wife. A part of him would always hold some resentment toward Jack, but his priority was his son.

As you focused on helping Ángel with the sheets, Javi approached Jack, his jaw locked, and in a low tone, he leaned in, warning, "If you try anything..." His stern expression and brown eyes bore into Jack's, conveying a clear threat. The warning only reached Jack's ears, and Jack remained silent, reminding himself to behave in front of Ángel.

Javi then forcefully bumped shoulders with Jack as he moved past him to assist Ángel in the restroom. You missed this interaction, and when you eventually glanced at Jack, he was seething. It had been years since you had seen him so angry – precisely nine years, to be exact. Confusion clouded your mind, leaving you standing there, staring at him, and he did the same. Your attention was drawn away from him when Ángel said his final goodbye.

"Let's go," you told Jack and proceeded towards the door.

Jack gives his son one last look and sees Javi guiding him to the restroom inside the hospital room.

With that, Jack is on your heels. You are five steps ahead of Jack. As you walk ahead of him, you find your mind drifting to your relationship with Jack. You classified your relationship with Jack in two phases: pre-engagement and post-engagement. Pre-engagement Jack would lace your hands together every time you were out in public or have his arm wrapped around your waist or shoulder. He wanted everyone to know that you were his, and he was yours.

Post-engagement Jack underwent a drastic transformation. He no longer held you in public, except for that one instance when there was construction on a street that had forced him to help you across a blocked and narrow sidewalk. He also began to walk ahead of you, not just a step or two, but so far that you sometimes had to wait for the traffic light to change and he would be on the other side of the street. After several attempts of trying to catch up with him, you eventually stopped trying to keep up and accepted this new reality.

Now, ironically, the roles had reversed, and you were walking ahead of Jack, with no intention of slowing down once you crossed the skybridge. Jack used long strides to catch up to you. Fortunately, the two of you were the only ones crossing the bridge that connected the children's wing to the parking lot, or else it might appear as if he were following you. Desperately, Jack wished to be by your side and engage in conversation. About what? Anything, really. He wanted to talk about the weather, the stars (something you once loved discussing but which he had grown annoyed with), or even something as random as worms, as long as it led to a conversation. He hoped to make you smile and laugh, even if it meant discussing the most mundane topics. Jack briefly wondered if this was how you had felt during your marriage – always yearning for his presence and conversation. He was already aware of the answer: yes.

As he rounded the corner, he saw you and swiftly pressed the elevator button. The doors opened with a soft ding right in time for Jack to step inside. You promptly pressed the button marked G1, initiating the descent. Jack's mind raced as he desperately sought the right words, knowing he had only a few precious minutes before you returned upstairs. Once you were outside, he finally summoned the courage to speak, but you broke the silence first.

“I’m begging you, Jack, do not flake on this. You heard Ángel's doctor. If you back out while he’s on chemo-”

“Do ya really think I would do that?” Jack's hands went to his waist, his eyebrows furrowing with anger and surprise. “To my own son?” He sounded genuinely shocked that you would even consider such a possibility.

“No...” After a pause, you decided to be honest, “Yes, Jack. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it's the truth. I don’t know if I trust you. I want to. But I know better. I need to keep my guard up. I can’t risk it, not when Ángel is on the line. I did once, and look how that turned out.”

“Ya think I don't think 'bout that often?” Jack's voice rose. “Okay, I know what I did…” He paused and took a deep breath. “I won’t do that again. I will never abandon him. Ever. I will not fail him again.”

You repeated to yourself, Don't cry, don't cry.

“And you think it was easy for me to forget?” you continued, voice trembling. “I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. After you proposed, you... you changed!”

"I remember that once, I dropped off lunch at your office because I got out of work early, and I wished I never left work." The tears welled up in your eyes as you recalled the painful memory. "I was in your building, on my way to your office, when a guard stopped me before I got to the reception. I explained that I was going to drop off food for my husband, and he asked me who I was married to." You continued, “Of course, I said your name, and you know what he said?" Without giving Jack a chance to speak, you added, "He said he was under the impression that your wife had passed away."

The color drained from Jack's face.

"It was so embarrassing, Jack. I didn't know what to say." You covered your eyes with both hands. "He and everyone on the floor thought I was crazy and making shit up." After a moment of silence, you continued, “At least Ginger was there, and she took me away into a hallway. I begged her not to say anything. I just went back home and cried my heart out."

Jack looked like a fish out of water, struggling to find words.

You pointed your index finger at his face and said, "Yeah, do that for like two minutes with a Tupperware of food, and you'll look exactly like me." Your dry laugh turned into a scoff.

"I'm sorry. Jesus, Sugar, I'm so sorry."

You heard the emotion behind his words and snapped, “Oh, don’t you fucking dare cry.” You were furious that he wanted to cry when you were the one who had gone through this. Years ago, you would've never dreamt of him feeling the burden of your pain, one that he had caused. You would've shielded him and shouldered everything, but you had changed too.

“I already cried enough for the both of us,” you add.

That made Jack want to cry more, but he quickly composed himself and fought back the unshed tears.

He comes closer to you, cupping your face in his hand. You shiver. Not because you feel any warm feelings you used to. Quite the opposite; you shiver because his hand is so cold.

"I'm sorry for hurtin’ you, baby," he says sincerely, looking into your eyes.

“Don’t,” you say, smacking his hand away. “Don’t call me that and don’t ever touch me again.” It's as if the palm of his hand gave you a freezer burn.

Suddenly, you hear heavy and hurried footsteps behind you.

From the corner of your eye, you see one of the security guards from the lobby.

“Is there a problem?” the security guard asks.

Jack looks at the guard annoyed as if he interrupted something. “I’m talking with my wife.”

“Oh my God, stop saying that! I’m not your wife!” you exclaim, frustration lacing your voice.

“Ma’am, is this man bothering you?” The security guard is about to intervene, concern evident in his tone.

“No! He was just leaving, sir.” You manage to give the best smile you can muster to the guard, doing your best to reassure him.

Jack, still looking irritated, takes a step back, giving you some space.

You grab Jack’s jacket and spin him around so he could look onto the parking lot. In a hushed voice, you whisper-yell, “Jack, don’t make a scene. If you get in trouble, you won’t be allowed into the hospital, and then Ángel won’t have a donor.” You didn’t know that would happen if the security guard kicked him out, probably not, but you were just saying things to make him leave.

Shit, shit, shit, why do I keep doing this? he asks himself.

“We’ll talk another day, Jack,” you sound deflated.

“Right now I have to get back and explain everything to Ángel since he’s getting surgery tonight,” you say.

That sobered him up.

“Okay. Call me with any updates. Text me too. It don't matter what time.”

You nod and turn to go back to your family.

A/N: I've created an account exclusively for reblogging my writing: @loslentesdepedrito-library . Feel free to follow me there if you'd like to be notified about anything and everything I write!

This is the fastest I've ever created a graphic (even though it took me a week 😳), yay! The next couple of weeks will be busy for me, but I hope to upload the last chapter before the end of the year. I know! I just have a lot to catch up on since I went on sick leave :(

Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @kchavez666 @ttupelohoneyy @mishasminion360 @ilovetaquitosmmmm @stileslvr @pedrostories

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bratbby333 · 7 months ago

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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ blog update ! ] ࿐ྂ

+ some housekeeping and info on new writing

hello my loves !! i wanted to give y'all some insight on what's been going on in my mind palace lately. there's a lot...so...cmon, take a walk w me...and maybe bring some snacks.

ੈ♡˳ first and foremost ! my work has received a lot more attention recently and i am so excited. with actual tears in my eyes, im happy to report that i surpassed 1,000 followers the other day. i am at a loss for words...just...stuck in a perma-state of disbelief.

im sending out the biggest thank you to everyone who has supported me, who's interacted with my work, to the lovely friends ive made though this account and to the heartbreakingly beautiful anime that brought me here in the first place. i am genuinely in awe...overwhelmed, even...i didn't expect any of this to happen when i started this blog and i am forever indebted to all of you for getting me here. im actively fighting off the inevitable surge of imposter syndrome as i type this out...i just love y'all so fucking much. this community means the world to me and i wanna scream at the top of my lungs in order to demonstrate my deepest appreciation for each and every one of y'all.

ੈ♡˳ secondly ! a message for my little angel babies, my day one followers; thank you for taking a chance on me. for watching me grow. for sticking around as i worked to get better at writing. im sure a lot of you started following me for my gamer!bf sukuna series...trust me, i love him and i know y'all do too. but i feel like my writing is heading in a different direction...and with a heavy heart, i'm absolutely gutted when i say that i am taking a pause on that series. i am forever grateful for the support and may return to him soon, though i cannot promise that. i owe so much of what my account is now to that series and i will never forget that.

for everyone who joined me as i delved into dark/dead dove content, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me a safe space to explore different forms of story-telling. my choso fic was the first stepping stone and then i skipped every other stone on the path and jumped head first into the deep end with my dead dove gojo fic...i deeply appreciate all the positive feedback i received on both of those. after posting them, i realized that i am very into writing dark content. i know that taboo themes/dark content/dead dove subject matter isn't for everyone and i understand people's apprehension in regards to it. but with that being said, i will be moving forward with publishing darker content.

ੈ♡˳ so here's the writing update !

i did a poll asking y'all what kind of content you enjoy. a good chunk of people said long form fics (which is great, cause i do too !! mommy needs plot). so, i am migrating away from one shot writing. both because i've been thinking about it for awhile and because y'all are into longer stories, as well. but fear not, i will still write shorter stuff along with headcannons, drabbles, etc...it just won't be the main focus of my blog anymore.

ੈ♡˳ now, time for the big reveal ! perhaps it's a bit anticlimactic, but bear with me...

im so excited to announce that i have two new series coming ! it will be a dark, modern!au featuring choso (with a few other special guests) and a dead dove sukuna series.

i'm almost finished with the outlines, and have fully completed the theme layout + mood boards for both works. i hope to get the first few chapters wrapped up in the next couple weeks. if you want to be tagged in either of these (or both), just leave a comment or send me a message !

(also !! i may or may not be cooking up a dark medieval au series in collaboration with another writer on here...so be on the lookout for that hehe)

while i take breaks from writing my two series, i'll be working through my requests ! so if you've sent one in, i promise i will get to it, unless i literally cannot think of a good way to write it (im only human, im so sorry). also, im sure we already knew this, but im a slowww writer. i wish i could churn content out quick as fuck but i am too hypercritical of myself…it's both a blessing and a curse, honestly.

if you made it all the way to the end of this nightmare of a brain dump, i love you. if you've been with me for a while, i love you. if you're just now joining me, i love you. everyone who’s supported me in any way, shape, or form, i love you.

i present you with the sloppiest kiss with tongue (only if you want it, of course. i can also give you the tightest hug, the gentlest head pat, or my social security number...access to all my bank accounts? a mansion in the hills? my passport? hand in marriage? my first born child? literally whatever you want, babe).

okay !! i think that's all for the updates. feeling: very ambitious and motivated but also overwhelmed and mildly stressed but overall super excited for what's to come. im looking forward to this new adventure and i hope y'all come along with me ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

thank you again…for literally everything. yall hold a special place in my heart and always will. so, here we go !

see you on the other side, my loves.

— jade 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

#—bby’s babbles🪴#jjk fanfic #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen writing #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #bratbby333

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jaes1lvr · 9 months ago

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Moots as pretty words?

wow anon, you really got me thinking hard rn 👻 i tried my best for you though 🙏🏽

@dovedi — precious (dina pookie, youre 1 of my first friends on here so you will always have a special in my heart 🫂💘 #imadoveforlife 🔥🔥🕊💯)

@gigittamic — sweetheart (because gigi is honestly one of the kindest souls i have ever come across 💔☹️ shes always commenting on my posts & shes just a sweet person overall. we LOVE gigi here ‼️)

@p-oisn — cherished (i give you this word because i honestly do cherish whenever we interact 😇😇💘 whenever i see your username mention me or comment under a post of mine, i literally kick my feet ☝🏽🤓 chi is the best <3)

@jenfaery — generous (mari baby, i get so happy when you compliment my mdbds:( you & your blog are just the definition of perfection 😊 you say the sweetest things & i appreciate them sm 💗💗🤗)

@fairytopea — breathtaking (whenever i see ANY of vinis posts im like 😵😵😵😵 AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE DIVIDERS EITHER 😈💯 theyre truly stunning all the time :333 💗)

@y2jiz — welcoming (ive talked to mimi a few times but i felt so at ease when we talked. shes seems like a very warm person which i love 🙏🏽☺️💗)

@yeritos — iconic (ok this word may not be considered pretty 😓 but junes mdbds are always on a whole other level!!! i gave you iconic because youre one of the founding mothers of mdbd making 🔥🔥💯 i truly appreciate you for pmo mdbd making 🫡🩷🩷🩷)

@wiotas — heartfelt (whenever you reply to a comment of mine or if you comment under my mdbds, your responses feel very genuine...leo you make me feel warm & cozy 😻😻😻 <3333)

@softkiseu — speechless (navi, whenever i see your posts i am literally loss of words...everything matches from the text, images, aesthetic & the little gifs at the bottom. youre absolutely incredible & truly inspiring:) 💘🦋)

@haevrrs — pleasing (HEAR ME OUT pennes posts are always so beautiful & the pics used just work so well together 🤧 so this is why i used this word for you!!! your account is like a treasure to me 💌 PENNE THE GOAT 🐐🔥🔥‼️)

@h-anis — comforting (i feel like this is how majority of your mdbds make me feel. with that being said, i get the impression that you also have a calm personality...its very easy to be around you 🥰🥰 <333)

#sorry this took so long 😓😓 BUT I LOVE YALL SM #sorry i didnt do more i was pooped from this #from: anon #—jae answers 🤳🏽

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mango-fizz · 4 months ago

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splatoon had always kind of been a part of my life, since it came with my wiiu a long long time ago, and even when i was in middle school i didnt play splatoon 2 at all, but i always made sure to keep up with the lore, and i remember that acid hues and bomb rush blush were never Not a part of my lunch time playlist. and 2 years ago i left for college, living away from home for the first time, and it was a pretty miserable experience, for several reasons, but the thing is i can pinpoint the exact moment things started looking up, when i started to feel better, more cheerful, more motivated. It was when i fell in love with splatoon again, listening to the old songs that i had loved when i was a kid. genuinely i dont think i wouldve gotten through that semester without it. after i finally decided to come back home that winter, i had the best holiday ive ever had. despite having to start over at a new university, being with my family again and especially my cousins, who are like siblings to me, made me feel happier than i had been in those 5 months i spent by myself. and with splatoon, i felt like we really bonded, somehow become even closer than we already were, and i made memories that i'll cherish for a really long time. i remember singing anarchy rainbow as loud as we could after ringing in the new year, dancing and laughing, and i had felt so alive. so basically, what i mean to say is, splatoon, from 2015 to 2024, is really really important to me, in a lot of different ways, for a lot of different reasons that i cant fit in this post but, i think splatoon definitely has something special, i said it before but i genuinely dont think we'll get anything like it again, just, thank you thank you thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the memories

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mygnolia · 6 months ago

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a lil rambly :(( but!! a heartfelt message to ygs 🫶

thank you alll truly from the bottom of my heart for all the notes, feedback, asks, replies, and likes for my recent works from this month

i genuinely would have NEVER expected to receive as much love as I did for the recent fics and socmed texts ive done!! ive had this blog ever since 2021-2022 tumblr that was full of longfics, drabbles, all written works that always require a crazy amount or work and time and don’t get me wrong, starting my own smau (2 now) has made me realize that coming up with a plot only through dialogue is hard- and it’s a very new concept for me!! but they’re so fun and it’s so easy to develop my humor within these characters.

that being said, i never gave up trying to write longer things- but it came with a lot of fear. with enhypen’s concert back in april, i dived back into writing and stanning in general- and was worried people wouldn’t like anything i had to put out 😓😓

i wanted to write this because one of my posts reached 1k notes which is an incredible feat for me!! when i posted emerald fire, it was the first fic on this blog and it didn’t do well nor did it receive any feedback, and i was heavily discouraged from writing or posting it’s cupid, stupid! because i was worried my work would have been futile and no one would care. (they’re both over 19k and both took weeks of writing and planning) it’s literally at 900 notes right now which is insane!!!! and all of your comments- it really really does inspire me to do better and continue writing- it’s really fun to develop these plots and express myself on here again :))

and for the three laws of motion, for my recent teasers, for my smaus, in so grateful ive been able to have you guys read and enjoy what my silly little brain conjurs up :((

and for my moots, i appreciate all our interactions!! im v scared to talk to you guys because you all seen very cool with ur cute themes 😓😓 but seeing you on my dash makes me happy :)) i wish the best and LETS KEEP TALKINGGG!! abt anything rlly!!

thank u thank u thank u!!! kisses for all of you- you’re the best!!

#ren den #milestone!#SOBBB #i feel sappy #truly u are all da best

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murdocking · 1 year ago

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„ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ”

- a chishiya series. ch3 ch5

masterlist

warnings + notes: not much happening here!! just mentions of sex and whatnot… chapter is kinda plain i cant lie

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ:

- GAME START

chishiya has to rope himself down to reality multiple times. his first impression of you made him feel his throat and heart clench- even though you looked ragged from this world.

but now, after he’s successfully dragged you into his beginning phase of his scheme against the beach- he’s partially worried on how focus he’ll remain on this mission. somehow, he wishes you chose a regular swimsuit bottom, the short swim-skirt makes his mind freeze as he sees it shift whenever you walk. he’s not complaining, but at the same time- the priority is to subtly get you to join his ploy.

he’s briefly mentioned it to kuina, a night where he escorted her to her room after she enjoyed one too many drinks- he’s not even fully sure if she’s genuine about her participation in the plan either.

he gives you a sly smile when you walk up, holding onto your arms and squeezing past the people flooding the beach.

“hey, so…” your slight nervousness amuses him. “do you mind showing me around, i’m actually a bit hungry and lost and you’re the only person i know here.”

chishiya isn’t sure why, but hearing that you need to depend on him makes him smile bigger- but he dismisses the expression quickly. he’s a man of little words, and just says “sure” before motioning with his hand to follow him.

the music blares intensely, and you’re amazed at how high the speakers go. you pass by the club scene, and you were very grateful for not staying longer than necessary. in every corner, people were on top of each other- moaning in their mouths. its highly uncomfortable for you, and you shuffle further down by chishiya just trying to get away.

“im starting to think you had me join a sex ring chishiya..” he laughs a bit, before turning to look at you “how come?”

“well first off.. we get here and that nani dude says you’re gonna have fun !”

“do you mean niragi? and i have my own fun, very much far away from all the loud and dirty people.”

you cringe a bit at hearing that you said the wrong name, but continue. “well then you leave me in a room with that freako hatter! he nearly fucked the girl in front of me.. and he was looking at me like i was next.” chishiya notices your shivers during ur recount, and he frowns a bit.

“if i could’ve stayed with you, i would’ve.”

he speaks lightly, and for some reason.. this affects you strongly

finally you arrive at the food bar- meals loitering the counters and tables, but none look appetizing.

“it’s the best they can do, most of it all is canned food, we don’t have many hunters here.” he speaks, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets and following behind you as you browse your options.

you hum as a reply, acknowledging his comment, and he’s right… the options and appearances of the plates seem to mediocre at best, but you grab the plate of rice and beans anyways.

chishiya is deep in thought, more than you’ve seen within your short time of knowing him. but he’s thinking of the best approach to start luring you in as his bait .

“hey chishiya” your voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

“whats up?”

“what did you do before… this ?” you motion to the sky, face contorted with curiosity. chishiya debates his response to you, how much exactly should he let you know about? he doesn’t exactly care for telling you anything about himself frankly, but despite the pessimism- he clears his throat and brings his hands out of his pocket once you sit at a booth.

“im a senior medical student, so far ive had the most experience out of my peers. ive been assisting in multiple patient cases. i’ll complete my studies quite soon actually.” chishiya doesnt realize hes spoken more than he intended, he honestly just was going to leave it at ‘im a senior medical student’- but looking at you makes him a bit more vocal.

you nod with awe, “wow! thats so cool, wish i had gone to school for something helpful like that.”

“what did you go for?”

“business.”

he laughs- and you scowl a bit and roughly scrape at your plate and eat some of your dinner

“what do you plan on doing with that?” he says, coming down from his giggles. you just shrug, mumbling your response.

“dont know, actually i went to an interview the day i got here. wanted to work in account files for a law firm.” chishiya nods “that seems promising, hope when you get out you score the job.”

you smile and thank him, and chishiya is internally kicking his brain hard. hes being too friendly for his own liking and its rather unsettling him.

he decides on staying silent after that, and you both sit in a comfortable silence as you eat- and he lays back across from you, resuming his music. every now and then, he looks at you subtly, staring at your lashes, nose and cheeks. he admits he finds you attractive.

the sky dims more, and ironically- you can hear more people join the party nearby. it’s honestly starting to give you a headache. a woman walks into the room, legs slender and tall and her locs flow behind her as she walks up to your table.

“chishiya. where have you been?” she asks your companion, and you begin to feel as though you’re being shut out slightly.

“ah, been helpin’ out the newest beach member.” the woman turns her head confused, but then lights up with shock when she meets your eyes.

“oh! you’re so pretty!” youre stunned, and you cant hide a bashful smile as you laugh a bit.

“oh thank you.. though im looking rather rough recently. you’re gorgeous though!” the woman’s heart swells and she smiles back, the cigarette butt between her teeth bouncing slightly.

she sticks her hand out towards you, “kuina” you shake it softly and introduce yourself, and begin to move down the booth to invite her to sit before chishiya cuts you off

“dont, shes not staying.” he says cooly, not even looking at you but rather kuina.

kuina raises an eyebrow, and chishiya gets up

“get back to your room safely. i’ll see you soon. “ his hands confide in his pockets and he walks out of the dining area, leaving kuina a few feet behind.

she quickly bids you goodnight and says how happy she is to have met you, and follows chishiya quickly.

you’re really confused, where are the two going? why are they leaving you alone… and what on earth are they doing?

you decide theres too many possibilities, some of which youd rather not know about or imagine- and choose to throw your now empty plate out and head back to bed.

chishiya is trying his best not to snap at kuina as she persistently inquires him about you.

“how’d you meet her?”

“a game.”

“oh? i doubt you helped her like some knight in armor” he sneers at her comment, “ah kuina you know me so well” she shrugs her shoulders as they step closer to the planning room.

“just don’t get why she hasn’t branched out to someone a bit more welcoming.”

though to another person, this would seem insulting, chishiya knows kuina well enough to know she’s being genuine- and knows his behavior quite well. he secretly agrees with her, he’s not exactly some warm and gentle person- and maybe you’d be better off with someone who is. but he can’t risk you meeting people and becoming attached, he needs you afterall for the plan to continue.

deep inside though, he enjoys the fact that he’ll get to see you so often.

#chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland #alice in borderland #alice in borderland fanfic #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya shuntarou #aib fanfic #aib x reader #arisu alice in borderland #chishiya fanfic #chishiya shuntaro #niragi alice in borderland #kuina alice in borderland #chishiya imagine #shuntarou chishiya x reader #chishiya angst #chishiya fluff

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cakejerry · 1 year ago

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asks pt.2 more recent ones

ft fanfiction anon, minho is ugly, thank you minjoon people for the links and fic recs!!! and the anon with the random jikook takes

ive been debating answering this one, like... yeah, obviously. but no jimin hate is allowed on this blog so youre getting blocked

idk, ive also been thinking about posting this but... i don't have any thoughts. except that this just proves how close they are, in any sense. and yes that was literally a joke we don't actually think their parents were involved, cmon. 'meds exist' cmon. 'suicide everyday' yeah you're a troll never message me again, goodbye.

this is why i can never take any of those charts seriously, they all say something different and everybody's #1 somewhere. its literally all imaginary and extremely unimportant. and instead of frauding jimin, which would have gotten him nothing but hate, i wish instead they'd left jungkook alone so we could see who ACTUALLY has what it takes

i have literally never understood the hype around jungkook. but maybe thats because he only started glowing up around 2019, which is when most of these taekookers came to the fandom, lol. but your last sentence was funny, 10/10

jimin should have always been the center of that triangle. vmin vs jikook i would like to see it. the classic main drama lead thats semi toxic and interesting and the second lead who's the best friend and the better option but jimin chooses jungkook anyways lol

minjoon under the stars ahhh jimin is such a sweet little glazed donut that needs to be handled with utmost care

blocked. also that's because namjoon has the charisma of a tree. but jimin could have chemistry with a brick wall so suck it. minjoon forever

cute little fanfiction moment but i dont think it holds any water in real life terms, or means anything, honestly. but thank you for the links

here come the fanfiction writers. also that's the finger heart emoji for the curious minds my laptop is prehistoric. anyways. im not gonna grace this with any further comment.

sure

this is making me ctfu because its just a clip of jungkook dancing to 3d but anon is sooo disgusted ahahhahaha. bts were different??? different from what :joy emoji:. also, if you see this, elaborate on your last sentence please.

i literally dgaf he is so ugly and his bug eyes weird me out and im convinced kpop fans have a mass gaslight thing going on trying to convince me he's attractive. 2. jonghyun wouldnt work with jimin for several reasons i just brought him up because whenever im thinking about 'men in the industry who aren't shit' he's the only one who comes up. 3. love that you just fully spiraled into waxing poetic about jimins ass there. understandble.

sure

well yeah but specifically the tweets i was posting are so... racially motivated. whitewashed jimin=white=good=pure=innocence=bottom and top jungkook=rough=tough=raw=dirty=dark skin. like it was just so weird to me.

umm sure, whatever you say anon. im gonna forget all of what you told me now because i genuinely do not want to know.

yup this is the general consensus in cakejerryland

thank you for this rec actually!!!!!!!!! it looks scrumptious and WILL be posting my thoughts upon finishing!!!

thank you random citizen!!! omg idk if you knew i have a hyung kink or not but this is sooo not that. laugh emoji laugh emoji jimin is soooo cute he's a kiddo playing around!!! babyy

i respect the grind. i do not, however, respect him.

okayy anndddd... what do you want me to do about this?

yes he wants to be perceived as such. we agreed upon this when seven dropped. and idc and it doesnt matter to me because i dont expect any of bts to come out so they will all forever be ambiguously straight and theres no point to discussing it further

fanservice is in the job description. but you said it yourself. 'natural' dynamic. they're simply the closest and we can't deny this

umm sure. i didn't see anything special in those clips at all lol i was not gagged. they were just looking at each other and they do that every single time they're in public or on camera or on stage together

lol hawaii was ... a time. they were also "doing laundry," don't forget.

#asks #anon #hey i forgot to add one about vmin and taennie but im on my phone ill add it tomorrow okay?

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angelmichelangelo · 8 months ago

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Hey you know would be fun? You could rank your favorite to least favorite iteration of each of the four boys. Btw sorry for all these asks lol

OH THAT WOULD BE FUN!! don’t be sorry i haven’t had asks in months so it’s all good friend! okay here we go:

starting with leo.

least favourite leo would for SURE be the bayverse version. now.. i am the Few that actually enjoys those movies (sue me, they came out when i was first getting into tmnt so they hold some nostalgia value) but ive mentioned before my gripe with bayverse!leo just because he’s so narrow minded and so set aside from mike, raph and don. it feels like he’s their awkward older cousin that lives with them rather than a brother. bayverse!leo get in the bin. michael bay, you can join him whilst he’s there, actually. why did you do my boy dirty like this, huh?

my favourite leo would be 2003! i just really enjoy his storylines! i like that he’s far from perfect! i think he’s well written and he is a good balance of all the ingredients that make leo Leo!! plus leosagi <33333

now raphael.

least favourite version of raph would be.. rise? this is hard because like i said in my last ask, i genuinely enjoy all versions of raph! i’m just gonna say raph just because i like it when he has his typical anger issues. UGH but it’s so hard because he’s so Eldest Daughter in rise. it’s official: i do not have a least favourite raph. it is simply impossible. even bayverse!raph is good lol

favourite raph is easily 2012. sean austin the man that you are, that is MY raphael. as an anger issues girlie i just relate to this raph. he loves his brothers and i will die on the hill that is defending him with every breath i have. we love 2012 in this house and we love 2012 raph even more.

donnie’s turn!!

gonna be super duper controversial with this one so im putting on bubble wrap to protect myself but least favourite donnie is… rise. oops. HEAR ME OUT!! i am totally fine with others liking rise don. i get the appeal. but my heart will forever love gentle, soft, sweet donnie, and whilst the change up in rise is COOL as hell, i just can’t with the sarccy, cold, snarky version of him. (plus i have a LOOOOT to say about ahem. certain stereotypes when it comes to writers creating canonically autistic characters but that’s another rant for another time) ONCE AGAIN!! i still enjoy his character!! but i just don’t find him to be my favourite.. okay swiftly moving on lol

favourite donnie is EAAAASSILY 2007 don. he’s basically a side character in that movie alongside mike but BOY OH BOY he’s just so fantastic. he’s so fun. i could write essays about how he held that stupid family together. give him a medal. give him the moon idc he deserves it. 2007 is a winner

and now for my golden boy, michelangelo

least favourite mikey? im probably gonna go with mutant mayhem???? again, i enjoyed his character and i think his va was like perfect! but he was pretty underutilised in that movie and im really desperately hoping that he’s bumped up from background comic relief to something more in the show and sequel. he’s only on the bottom of the list because he didn’t really do much in the movie except nearly die lol rip

favourite mikey? idw. bodies all the rest of the turtles in every iteration. idw mikey is funny, clever, smart, has great storylines plus we get my meat and potatoes woodyangelo. that’s all i really ever need lol. plus idw mikey checks splinter and that’s like. the best. put that rat DOWN mike !!!

#thanks anon :D #ask #anon

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percyjacksonscookies · 1 year ago

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dude imma say it

the percy jackson tv show sucks so bad

and I have a lot of time to think at work when im not busy with my little tasks so imma rant about it

because my little brain likes to look for connections i guess

anyway

IT SUCKS SOOOOOO BAAAAAAD HOLY

S H I T

its a giant mix of things because of where we are in time

every major piece of media is a huge reflection of the times we live in so uh

it makes sense that this would suck too like every single other piece of media disney has released in the past decadeish (it comes down to taste so if u like a Disney thing, whatever)

but like?!?!

because of the times we live in where writers had to strike for better wages and a semblance of recognition (i dont know the terms exactly) it makes sense that they gave ol' Ricky boy a shot at screen writing cause they didn't really have to take a chance with a new writer. cause u know disney! wherever there are corners to be cut they will! gotta think of the poor ol' bottom line!!

BUT ALSO RICK RIORDAN'S QUALITY IN WRITING WENT DOWN S O HARD AFTER HIS FIRST SERIES WITH PERCY

heroes of Olympus and trials of Apollo do not have the same flavor as the original series and I know plenty of people will agree with me

and thats cause ol' ricky boy (might call him uncle rick ironically cause I have a big family so its in character of me to have beef with an uncle plus like.... cmon its for the bit, an homage to my cringey younger self, and to help me avoid stupid autocorrect on my phone, it works on so many levels, if u must, cringe away) lost the fucking heart of the original series

lost the whole point and charm of the 1st series

it started out as a fucking bed time story for his son for fucks sake!!!!!! so obviously it was going to be a story built on so much love you could feel it in every word he carefully knit together for his son to feel less alone in the world

and thats why I looked up to him for so many years!!!!

he inspired me to start writing!!! so that maybe some day I could also write stories that helped people feel less alone

because the best fucking stories are the ones with the most heart and genuine emotions you feel like you could be there

but uncle rick fucking lost it because i think after the massive success of his first series he saw it as a way to make money for his family instead of a way to lovingly craft something for the sake of it just existing

yet another thing capitalism has taken from us

I have yet to read his other work, as an adult, because percy jackson is such a comfort book for me and I've obsessively done so much research on it I remember him doing an interview once where he said his students found his other works and they were teasing him about the cuss words in the book because of course they were he taught middle schoolers and that is where he is stronger than I

but thats also another thing

since I haven't read his other works, I dont know if they're going to speak to me like percy jackson has, but probably not from the looks of his other series (ive read all of heroes of Olympus and some of trials of Apollo but thats just cause I adore nico)

but I can definitely say for sure without a shadow of a doubt

dude

uncle rick is NOT a screen writer

he SUCKS at it so bad

he definitely doesn't know how to build suspense in film or write around the obstacles that come with live acting

which is embarrassing man

ive been there

did a senior directed play in high school, wrote the script myself

and it sucked pretty bad

because I was a story teller not a script writer!!!! I didnt know what the fuck i was doing!!!!! whenever I wanted a new character I would just invent one out of thin air, what do you mean I had to have an actor for every new character I have?!?!?!?!

soooo grateful i tried that for the first time in high school cause its not that embarrassing when u suck at something as a teenager cause hey!!! ur learning new shit everyday!!

but this ties back into my point of this show reflecting the times

I will say, I prefer the movie of percy jackson over this weird show

and thats cause it had charm! zest! a screenwriter and people that knew how to make movies!

were at such a weird place in cinema

at least in the mainstream american/western media

I saw everything everywhere all at once last year and it blew my tits clean off

but thats because it was made by people who wanted to make art for arts sake!!!! for the love of creation!!!!!

thats why those movies are so successful now

cause there's really no formula to follow anymore so anything that seems original and made with love is so fucking insanely successful and big corporations can't fucking replicate that without taking chances and letting people tell honest earnest stories

which is why every Disney villain sucks now cause they have to also secretly maybe sometimes be a good person

oh no the circumstances they were given made them a villain

hmmm I wonder who helped with the capitalism of it all?? hmmmm such a mystery

I know we all miss when villains were just evil for fun and that was it

like Ursula, they didn't explain shit about her backstory she was just a woman in a cave that had a reputation and had a sick as hell design and that was all people needed to like her (shout out to divine) (also I don't remember much about the little mermaid I am basing this off of vibes)

where was i going with this.....

anyways the pjo TV show sucks

let Rick Riordan cook longer as a screen writer or let him be a co author of the script my god he sucks at this

get an expert screen writer in there asap phew!!!

today's adhd rant has been brought to you by:

this thing

#pjo #i have so muvh to say but im gonna stop #this is a monster of a post #this is definitely my longest post on tumblr and i am Afraid but percy jackson makes me want to talk forever so whatever #i dont have any percy jackson friends so my followers must endure sorry everyone #kinda #i did start out as a pjo blog and branched out but i never really stopped lmao #never shared my thoughts on here though so this is new #time to shout into the void of the internet #my schtuff

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screammdesiree · 1 year ago

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Hello there tumblr. It's almost like talking to an old friend again for the first time in years. A simple website turned into a diary that I wrote hours into the pages, some days those pages even wrote me. I was 14 year old when tumblr found me one dark and lonely night, a suggestion for an outlet by an old friend. Someone thought enough of how I was feeling, to suggest a place where my dark thoughts, long nights, unheard thoughts, sweaty palms, and aching heart, would have their own safety. I guess the thing I didn't account for was that some silly website would outlive the very person who brought it into my world. That I'd be back here some 9 years later, feeling just the same way I did at 14. Who would have thought, that returning here to once again spill my heart like blood soaking the pages of a book only I'd ever read? How silly. Returning somewhere that isn't physical, but the only place that feels like home. Logging in feels like keys jingling against the front door in the dark as we slink inside. Seeing things I'd written on the good days, feeling like taking off my wet shoes and leaving them beside the door. Scrolling through the most insignificant things I'd reposted, simply because they made me laugh, is the feeling of taking off your coat and placing it on a hook next to the door, and feeling how warm and cozy the house is. Although, not every home is happy and those moments come and go. Reading the things I wrote on the bad days is like hearing your parents scream at eachother at 8 years old in your room with your hands over your ears until. Reading about all the emotional damage I did to the soft and sweet 14 year old me, is like cutting your feet on glass after your father throws a cup of coffee, blood tricking from your foot as you run fingertips along the wall at the bottom of the stairs, wondering what could have been so bad. Sometimes coming home just isn't as comforting as it should be. There are days when coming home means it's because you're on hospice there to die where you're most comfortable. I guess I should be going into more detail, considering I came here to talk to myself, because there is no one to talk to anymore. Ive simply run them all away. Ah wait there it is. The thing that keeps bringing me back here."I've simply run them all away." Sound familiar tumblr? Sound like anything I've said here before? Down right deja vu here for me.

Sweet girl I know you've had this thought before, but let me ask you when is the last time you felt this pain sober? I mean honestly. When's the last time sober you came here to try to avoid openly saying how badly you want to end your life. Not disappear. Not start over. Not run away. But just simply die.

ISNT IT SCARING YOU THAT YOURE THIS CALM SAYING THAT YOU SOBERLY WANT TO END YOUR LIFE?!

Stupid question because even asking myself that question. I'm not afraid. Shockingly it isn't even because I think I'd see him on the other side of this life. It's because I failed to understand in all the things he said to me in those days. Now I get it. I get why he didn't wanna smoke with me and why taking a drink was simply unheard of in his final thoughts. He wanted to be entirely clear minded when he took his life, I get it. The peace that a sober thought of not being alive anymore will bring is terrifying but so so so calming. Just understanding that those thoughts shouldn't cross your mind with a smile, and the genuine happiness the thought brings me is absolutely disgusting.

But here I am again.

They say "think about in ten years when.." but it's been ten years and I'm still thinking and hoping that I'm gonna wake up and be happy I survived. I'm waiting. That feeling won't come if it hasn't already. There are some things you just softly come to terms with as you cry alone in a room with a house full of people.

Some days will be harder than others but your day will come where you will finally have the courage to pull the trigger and bring yourself peace.

I think I'd like the background of my death to be highlighted in sad Taylor swift songs.

Play the saddest songs at my funeral, that's the only way anyone will cry over me.

Who am I kidding, I don't even think my mom would come. My dad wouldn't be able to bring himself to come. My sister won't even be able to get herself out of bed, and my other siblings will probably not even know.

I don't want them to bring my kids though. I would probably rather they think I just abandoned them. They would be better for them right? I don't know.

#tw depressing stuff

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considerablecolors · 2 years ago

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Hiii! I recently started one of your fics (the anderperry Tumblr au) and I was so sad to see it wasn't finished! I was wondering if you were going to write anymore, I guess. Have a nice day!

this ended up being kind of long lol- so im putting it under a read more, and i have a tl;dr at the end for anyone who wants the broad strokes without the whole backstory :)

hi! first of all, thank u so much for reading, i hope you've been enjoying it! tbh, this is probably something i should have addressed ages ago, so genuinely thank u for reaching out and motivating me to finally talk about this lol. so to be 100% honest, this question is kind of a hard one for me to answer?

dead poets society is a piece of media that means a lot to me and will always be a key piece of me, but it also sort of represents a part of my life that i don't like dwelling on if that makes sense. tbh it's probably obvious that i was going thru a rough patch just by reading some of my earlier dps stuff (neil perry is not okay is... yeah... lol). additionally, dps is something that i associate heavily with someone that's not really a big part of my life anymore, so sometimes it honestly feels wrong to write certain characters without thinking about that. it's also prolly obvious that dps is not really my main special interest anymore and hasn't been for a little while now.

ALL THAT BEING SAID- dead poets society will never not mean the world to me. despite all the mixed feelings i've come to associate with it, i keep rewatching with the film and engaging with content in small ways specifically because i don't want to let my past struggles ruin something i love. even if it's not the main interest of this blog or ao3 account, i'm definitely still fond of it.

but what does all this mean in terms of content? i'm not really sure. one thing is certain- i intend to write for dps again. i actively have been, in fact. ive been working for a while on a long dps fic and am probably around 1/3 done with it, but im holding off on uploading it until it's completely done specifically to avoid leaving people hanging with a WIP. i have absolutely no idea when it'll actually be finished, but i am really excited for u all to read it.

as for the current dps WIPs i have? unfortunately, i don't think i can say they're getting finished :(. we'll kick it when i hit the ground (anderperry tumblr au) and the whole "being dead" thing (ghost neil au) are both still in the very early stages of their stories and sadly i just don't think i have the energy to finish them. i'd be more than happy to talk a bit and summarize what i had originally planned for the stories if anyone would like that, but i think the stories themselves are probably done for now. as for the neil perry is not okay series, another long, full-length fic like there will be light is definitely a no, but i'd say there's a good chance of me writing a one-shot or two at some point.

in general, i'd say other than the big dps fic im working on, expect any future dps fics from me to be short one-shots that are much lighter in tone. probably still some hurt/comfort cause that's my jam, but less of the heavy angst i typically wrote lol.

lastly, i do want to just take a minute to say thank you to everyone who's still reading my dps fics. like i said, a lot of them represent a pretty bad time in my life, but i can never bring myself to hate them or resent them sheerly because of the outpour of love and appreciation they've received from the fandom. even if im slow to reply to comments sometimes, i promise i read every single one and they mean the world to me. while it's hard to think about some of the things i was going thru while writing things like there will be light, those fics provided a safe place and a source of comfort for me to work out my feelings and find solace, and nothing in the world makes me happier than seeing my writing create the same space for other people. from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone that's even clicked on and glanced at a fic of mine. it means the world to me <3.

while it does make me really sad to say that i likely won't return to some of the writings i put so much love into, im really proud of some of the things ive been working on lately, and i hope you all will enjoy it as well! if not, that's ok too, im eternally grateful to anyone who's gotten something out of any of my past work too.

TL;DR:

unfortunately, any WIPs i had for dps are probably going to remain unfinished. if people would like to hear a summary of what id had planned for the remainder of any of these, id be happy to provide that. while i am taking a break from the dps fandom, i still love dps and would be happy to chat about it with anyone that wants to, and i do intend to return to creating dps content- i just don't know when exactly that will be. thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who's enjoyed my content in the past, and im wishing you all the absolute best. carpe diem <3

#cc writes #dead poets society #neil perry is not okay ao3 #cc speaks #asks

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e17omm · 3 months ago

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Alright, Genshin Natlan Act 4. Same as before, Im gonna be writing things as I play through it.

(This quest went from me practically losing all faith in Hoyo, to returning to me having Hope that they can stop their fake tension bullshit)

Do you know how much of a ( -_-) face Im having right now?

I fucking hope Mauvika is wrong. I am so tired of every region being the same. Fatui bad. Archon good. Everyone's fine always nothing bad ever happens to anyone on the "good" side.

If they dont change how the Fatui is potrayed now, the writers are going to implode when we get to Snezhnaya and we gotta help the people but the people are all Fatui and Fatui bad so we cant help the country but thats all we've been doing and there cant be good people coz all of them are loyal to the Fatui or... Is Snezhnaya secretly going to have an underground rebellion with people that dont like the Fatui?

Its been the same for 4 years now. Can these writers write anything else?

2. what was the point of Ororon, a character Ive barely met, to have an internal struggle with a person Ive never even heard of? Well wonder if theyre gonna butcher Capitano or if they'll keep writing him well...

3. I am hoping, from the bottom of my heart, that Mauvika's plan fails.

If it doesnt fail, and it succeeds, the Hoyo I am a fan of is dead, because this new one can only write the same, very limited, repeated plot points.

Why, do you write tension into your story, if its never realised?

If tension is not going to happen, then dont write your story to have tension.

For FOUR. YEARS. Hoyo has repeatedly written plot points that asks "will they make it?" or "will they be fine?" and the answer has, without fail, been "yes."

You can do that here and there.

You cant repeatedly ask that question for four years.

You have no idea how badly I want to be proven wrong. I want to be proven so wrong that people link my posts and comments about this and laughs at me.

Because the alternative is that the Hoyo I am a fan of is no more.

And this new Hoyo can only write stories that never has any real tension, but also cant embrace being a fun lighthearted story.

This new Hoyo wants to go down the middle, where their story is lighthearted yet tense. Tense, but nothing bad every actually happens.

Go one way or the other. Please. Either realise the tension, or dont have it.

You cant write happy fun stories where characters DIES and then they just come back like nothing's wrong.

You cant write tense stories where things can go wrong, when every time something saves them.

This isnt just in GI. Its all their games lately.

I need a moment to come to terms that this company that has thrashed my feelings and made me connect with fictional characters, a company which has crafted worlds and stories that I enjoyed so much that I think about them almost daily, may be no more.

Please just commit to write a fun story or a story where tension is real. I cant take this repeated overuse of fake tension where nothing bad can actually happen and its all an illusion for much longer.

what number was i on...?

5. at least we are now working with the Fatui and they genuinely want to help.

I disagree with the statement that the feeling of dread is getting stronger, uh, because, you know, Hoyo has refused to act on the tension they've tried having for the past 4 years.

AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THEY REALLY JUST SAID THAT DEATH IS A RULE

FUCKING FUNNY JOKE HOYO. That actually made me laugh, they actually said that. Im not joking, that was funny. That is so rich of them!

Oh yeah that was note 6.

7. Okay, this whole war map thing actually looks interesting.

Im thankful the music is completely missing the mark on the mood. Oh yeah, upbeat tunes and calm tones, thats what I want to hear when Natlan is facing its biggest Abyss attack yet.

I hope my sarcasm shines through on that previous statement.

8. Okay, idea of the whole war map vs abyssal corruption is really cool... But the execution is bad. Nothing corruptive on the map, and the gameplay is short bursts of fighting with about 3-4 minutes of travel time by air balloon which you are forced to do.

Alright they started teleporting me after forcing me to ride the balloon twice. Thank god.

9. Pretty cool cutscene. Would have been better if this wasnt the 6th nation and there was still tension in the story. But you know, Mauvika waved her hand and the crisis was pushed back.

I kept thinking through the entire cutscene "yeah this looks bad, but will it stay that way?" and the answer appears to be a pretty standard "nah" nah it wont stay that bad. Nothing ever does.

10. Ooooh so now we can see the abyssal corruption on the map!

But will it stay that way?

11. Okay. They actually have the guts to show things getting dark. By killing a bunch of NPC's we've never met, but you know, its something! Things are bad! The Abyss is invading! Of course people will die but they're still nameless numbers I've never met or heard about before.

But still, its something!

Still fully expecting Mauvika to destroy the Abyss orb thing and save the day forever. That's basically what Hoyo has repeatedly been doing for years now.

But hey, at least they can stick through things getting dark and not fix it right away after shying away from doing just that for so long.

12. Wow Chuychu just died. I didnt know her for that long but at least she was unique and had a distinct personality.

Im still expecting this crisis to be over by the end of the quest so it doesnt stick, but also like, where the fuck was this 2 years ago? Sumeru and Fontaine would have been so much more tense if this was the status quo!

If this was the tension/precedent set when I entered Natlan I would have been so much more invested in this story!

Aaaaaaaaand there it is. Will Hoyo prove me wrong and Mauvika's plan will fail? I hope but we have all the heroes now

13. That was a good scene with Cisca. Chisca? carrying in Chychu.

But also, like, "this was is about to end" and I've barely seen any of it. So unless the plan fails, this crisis wont stick for any interesting amount of time and will be completely contained to Natlan with no impact on any of the other nations or characters. Which is a massive shame.

14. yeaaaaah this is about to end isnt it? Resurrection is back, hopeful music is playing.

This was a good quest. I hope Hoyo can relearn what they have lost from it.

Im fully expecting them to defeat the Abyss and have a bright happy ending where everything is fine. The quest will still be good despite that, I'll keep some hope that the Hoyo I am a fan of isnt entirely gone and that they can recover from their fake tension dump.

The absolutely worse scenario is that Chychu is resurrected. That will make me throw my controller into my monitor.

15. alright, looks like Hoyo does understand that just pasting a character back into the story after they showed said character dying is a really bad idea for tension and stakes!

The result is expected - nothing except this specific quest is impacted, which is a shame, but baby steps! Things went bad and lots of people died and it wasnt quickly solved and the dead stay dead.

I would have liked to see a more gradual war over several quests rather than in a single quest that took place over like, a few hours, but again - BABY STEPS.

I hope they learn from this and stops doing their fake tension shit in every one of their games.

16. Okay, "task of wiping out the Abyss" thats jumping the gun, isnt it? Dont we have that whole thing with the Abyss Order and Khaenri'ah to see first?

17. BOOOO they couldnt even add the broken sky into the game? Come the fuck on, even Mauvika spoke about it as if it was permanent.

They'll make you solve problems in world quests that makes the world look less interesting, but after the "fake sky" was revealed, they dont make it permanent and only give us a short glimpse of it, even if the characters treats it as a possibly permanent thing in the sky?

Come on.

Quest was fine. I hope Hoyo learns from it and stops doing their fake tension bullshit - in all their games.

#genshin impact

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