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the-acid-pear · 2 years

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I hit post limit but I'm watching James and the Giant Peach anyway so what about we do it in the style of my Baki liveblogs?

Oh yeah baby this format is coming back. No pics will be taken which makes me sad! But alas...

I think it's worth mentioning i haven't watched this movie since i was a kid so i don't remember anything other than it having a nice vibe

THIS KID IS MADE OUT OF FLESH AND THESE PPL ARE BRITISH. WHADDAHELL...

I was joking w Blood about the family dying after the boat crashes but um. I guess the rhyno won? Whatever THAT means...

I want these aunts to sandwich me they could make me worse

JWDGWKDVJWDV THE FUCKING WARREN WASTELAND 💀💀💀 that's how england looks to me 😍/j

FUCK YEAH FEET REVEAL THESE WOMEN WERE MADE FOR ME‼️

OH IT WAS A REAL RHYNO? 💀

THEY ARE GONNA COOK HIM

The kid is singing. Anyway, that spider def poisonous 💀

This kiddo is depressing bruh

Sings like shit tho ngl

James doesn't know what a poisonous spider looks like but he sure knows how to make a perfect paper balloon first try 💀

Second degree murder 😁👍

THAT DUDE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME LMAO

SIR YOU ARE A CERTIFIED FREAK

BLINK MOTHERFUCKER

Man is scaring me more than he's scaring James but that's only bc unlike this weird isolated British orphan i was taught about stranger danger

I think James is just having a psychotic breakdown because of all the physical and psychological abuse he has been thru /j

LMAO THIS KID IS A FAILURE

Spiker you are like 180 cm you could get it yourself 😐

The way this peach came to be is both hilarious and cute this tree is winning rn

This movie has extremely funny dialogue i love Spiker sm

THE FAKE ASS TEAR 😭😭😭

Pretty based of them to make the priest pay double NGL

The rhyno threats are fucked up but so goofy bc. It's a fucking rhyno 💀

Maybe they mean the guy from spiderman tho, i mean, they WERE going to New York after all...

Damn i cracked the code

Strong ass kid ate the worm 😨

HEY I REMEMBER THAT MANY HANDED BASTARD I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM OMFG... This feels like seeing an old ex 💀

God i adore these bugs sm they are so shape

This spider is so hot, even hotter than i remembered

KQGWKVDNSGER THIS GUY IS SUCH A JERK I LOVE HIM

Rhinnoceri... I need to fuck this cricket <- guy so horny he forgot the word

THE LADY BUG IS A MILF

Isn't it kinda... Racist, to call another bug a maggot?

This music goes hard

What about da worm........? 🥺

That worm is prob like would u still love me if i was a human?

"now i have two half brothers" 💀💀💀

Didn't realize the bugs were huge. Even MORE culeables!

Omg milves DIED

Nvm girlboss powah

Damn they're actually bleeding tho

THEY ARE IN DA SEA, THAT WORM IS GONNA DIE

Omg he wears glasses cuz he's a worm therefore blind that's so cute

The spider hates this centipede sm 💀

LTDJEHSDJ I'M SURE THEY DO CENTIPEDE

This movie is just a bunch of European immigrants falling for the American dream

EVERYONE HATES THIS CENTIPEDE SM LMAO

This is abuse of the disabled

KSHDJDJZHZKGXG WORM ILY

Sick ass shark ngl

Do you think earthworm and centipede ever explored each other's bodies?

This is animal abuse

Oh he's from Brooklyn that's cute 🥺

AT THE SPENCE OF HIS LIFE, JAMES. STOP TRYING TO DOWNPLAY HIS TRAUMA!!

Maybe they do have a point tho

THE CRICKET IS A GILF⁉️ :Y

Worm deadass said 🥵

I thought they knew but were carnivorous what a bunch of fucking idiots. Bet they are doing this only to make James feel better about himself...

Well Mr centipide that's bc you didn't taste this c-

Sorry.

These idiots are gonna eat da whole peach -_-

OH POODLES AS IN WATER NOT DOGS OK...

...OR MAYBE HE MEANT DOGS? ARE CRICKETS CARNIVOROUS???

These bitches r getting drunk 💀

We got peach'd

WORM IS FAT LMAO 🥺

Girlie they are all nice to you too, maybe tad bit obnoxious but not MEAN.

THIS KID IS THREATENING TO KILL HIMSELF 💀

This is one of the coolest dream scenes I've ever seen

I bet his parents are alive and just abandoned him /j

CRICKET JUST CALLED CENTIPIDE AND ASS

They made a fucking dick joke I'm. Gonna fucking die.

They are gonna fuckin kill my man

JAMES... BABY......

THE CRICKET GOING 😱 LMAO

CRICKET KICKED HIM IN THE FACE HOLY FUCK

Look i know he lied but these people have no fucking mercy... They are literally gonna make him and ME cry..... ...... ..

NO. THATS SO FUCKED UP THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKED UP THIS MESSAGE IS SO FUCKED UP.

"he's commiting pesticide!" I'm gonna shit myself

LMAO HE ADMITTED IT WAS HIS FAULT good.

WORM BABY PLEASE WJDGJAVECEBF DONT SAY HELPED 💀💀💀💀💀

Ladybug just spanked spider, Kinky

Literally no hurry at all my man is just walking like it's an afternoon in the park

Lmao nice Jack cameo

They are gonna kill my man, again

HOLY FUCK THEY ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO KILL HIM

"hey that one felt pretty good!" He gets it.

I love him for his American swag

KILLING HIM FR

OH THANK YOU LADY THANK YOU... 😭

MY KINGGFGGG ITXJFgsheaysrsudruddi 💥

Stop being homophobic worm let them kiss too

Aw worm got the hat kdjdthjf 🥺

SPIDER N LADYBUG ARE DOING LESBIANISM TOGETHER...

OMG HE'S A GRASSHOPPER NOT A CRICKET 😭😭

Too long of a name tho sticking to calling him cricket -_-

They are fucking

This grasshopper is fucking racist...

This movie is so lovely they are his family man... ;;

God Ms spider i think i hauve covid

This kid is definitely just dead on his yard hallucinating btw /j

THEY WON'T ALWAYS BE TOGETHER STOP B4 I CRY...

DA RHYNO NOOO......!!!!!!!!

ANYTHING BUT JERSEY WJCSJSFSHSF

I'M GONNA FUCKIN CRY Y'ALL

HIS FRIENDSSSSS 😭😭😭😭

This is so sad Alexa play Despacito

How did he lose the tie? 💀

EL LECHERO LMAO

Hang on, they weren't in England? They were in America? How did the aunts make it here in that beaten old car?

AH NVM THEY WENT THRU THE WATER LMAO

YEAH SAME JAMES NO SHIT

Before photoshop existed lol

THEY ARE GASLIGHTING THIS CHILD

HEY WHAT'S UP FREAKY OLD MAN!

Shut up James 💀

JAMES SNAPS!?

FUCK YEAH LITTLE BOY!!!

MURDER ATTEMPT 💀💀💀

Second degree murder 😁👍

OOOOHHHH?????

GQNWG KEGSJDVQNS YEAAAAHHHHHH LET'S FYCJING GOOOOO

SICK EM BOYS, RIGHT IN FROM OF THE CROWD 💀

PUBLIC EXECUTION LMAO

Wig

Those women are dying dudes ...

"god bless the colonies" glow-worm lady... 💀

"go ahead!" A hero of the people, communist icon

This movie is gonna make me happy cry look at my guys and James...

SICK ASS SEED

Best found family tale ever what a fucking win.

Well freaky little man you are kinda fine when not talking to little boys in the dark of night ngl

AJDVSNDVNDBR CENTIPIDE FOR PRESIDENT WOULD VOTE‼️

Oooojlhhlhndnbggvt WORM GETTING EM LADIES FUCK YEAH 🥴

God this is so pretty everyone is thriving and they are friends and it was all real and shit omfg 😭💞

The ending song is so good too... 🥺

OH POST CREDITS!!

Abuse revenge heaven 💀

WELL WASN'T THAT FUCKING LOVELY? MAYBE THE BRI ISH AINT SO BAD AFTER ALL... Time for some final thoughts! 😁💞

AAAAUAHGNGNMGBGMGNGNGH BROOOTHER WHEN I TELL YOU I LOVED THIS MOVIE... IT WAS SO FUCKING LOVELY.

I did not only love every single fucking character present here, but the designs and the music and the animation god, AND HELL THE HUMOR TOO!! Fucking caught me off guard more than once ngl, but it was great 💀💀

And of course, the thing i loved THE most is having a found family not be separated... :']]

I think this movie does a great job portraying abuse and trauma and PTSD in a very child friendly manner, the lessons it puts there are quite lovely tbh. I wish we could've seen more characters get developed tho!! The two who got the most relevancy and depth were grasshopper and centipide which tbh is ok bc i love them but a little lesson from all of the characters would've been nice too... 🥺

There's, however, a big elephant in the room that i gotta acknowledge, and that is the aunts. As y'all might have realized, my carnal desire for them surpasses my logical brain and makes me overlook the abuse they put James thru which quite honestly parallels my own real one.

I'm speaking w a British accent in my mind alright fucking cringe anyway, aside from the most obvious reason, that being my rampant lust and homosexual tendencies, i wish they hadn't tried to make the characters ugly = evil.

Like idk i think they were kinda bland! I couldn't take their villainous portrayal seriously when most of the time it was like "haha isn't it devious how ugly these old women are??" Like no i need them to ruin me.

I think I'm just a bit disoriented i think blood might not be coming to my head, y'all tell me if I'm making any sense...

Anyway, overall, is this movie good? OF THE BEST I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE if not for a bit of lost potential it would have been absolutely perfect!! And yesss, of course i recommend it!! It's such a fun time w such a rewarding end :'33 truly wonderful 🦗

#luly talks #james and the giant peach liveblog #i bet centipide's pussy game is crazy

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aryanna5323 · 4 years

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I have literally never made my own post on here before and only like 3 entire people might see this, but I can't quit thinking about how much i dislike the idea of a black hermione granger. I first thought about this while having a conversation with my sister a while ago, but I just saw a fancast of a black girl as hermione on insta, and I have to spit this out somewhere.

The most obvious problem here is that if you want to have a main character be black.....maybe actually say that she's black? While writing the book? Not after publication? And definitely not after you said a white girl was the perfect actress and just what you imagined? You don't have to be like, "and this black girl came and knocked on our door" in the book, but you could mention her blackness other ways. Show her culture, but not as something weird and different. Describe the way shawdows cast from the candles in the great hall dance across her dark skin if you want. Just fucking describe it. And like not just once? Don't be like oh yeah she's black that's all because that's not all. Being black is about more than just having dark skin.

And also, why would jkr wax poetic about how pale other characters are and the way their skin looked if she didn't feel the need to describe hermione's dark skin at all? You can't just say "well I never said she was white... >;p". Don't make a main fucking character's appearance and culture ambiguous. Imagine giving someone a more genderneutral name like Alex and just never using pronouns. That's kinda strange right? Like are we supposed to say she/her, he/him, they/them? You wouldn't make it so we wouldn't know what to call a character accurately, so why make it where we can't imagine and understand a character accurately? If you're going to identify a character, fucking fully identify them. Let us actually know who they are. Bc again, being black is not that same as being white so that ambiguity is shit. You can't tell me hermione's personality would be the exact same if she were white or if she were black. There are differing cultures and experiences, and you have to include those in the character.

And when you basically surround this character with white characters and don't specifically mention that she's black, you can't expect us not to assume she's white as well. It's especially bad though, when jkr makes it disgustingly obvious when other characters aren't white. Fucking Cho Chang. Kingsley fucking Shacklebolt. I think that's all I need to say on that point.

Basically, if you want a character to be a certain ethnicity, just fucking say it (without going overboard and playing into gross stereotypes!!). It's not that hard. She described a few other characters' non-whiteness. Why couldn't she describe this in one of the main characters then?

Another issue with hermione being black is that there are few other black girls being actively described in this series. While it's fine to have very few black girls in a fictional school when it's a predominately white area in real life, it's not fine to shit all over the most described black girl for having bad hair and teeth. If you mainly only talk about one black girl and you give her bad hair and bad teeth and then say she's not pretty.....this is a problem to me. It feels like jkr thinks black girls in general have bad hair and teeth. Like their natural hair and teeth make them ugly. It feels like she's associating blackness with ugliness. Which, fuck that.

I know a lot of black girls are proud of their hair and their teeth, as they should be. But I also know that a lot of black girls don't like their hair or teeth because what's shown as conventionally pretty for hair is often straight hair, and for teeth it's perfectly closed, straight front teeth since these things are attributed to being closer to a standard of whiteness, which is what is portrayed by the media in the most positive light (which is also shitty and a different conversation).

My little sister is half black, and we spend a lot of time telling her how much we love her curls and how much we love her smile because we don't want her to grow up and think her hair is ugly and damage it to make it "pretty" or if she has a gap in her teeth that she has to close it. So to say that a very popular female character, known for her bad and untamable hair, who purposely fixes her teeth that she hates, is black, does not send a good message to young black girls. It's something I would steer my little sister far away from.

I also don't like the idea of hermione being black and the only one who cares about the house elves' enslavement. I would understand maybe her being black and the first person noticing the wrongness (even though in this century people in general should see the wrongness) or at least feeling the most motivated to stand against it based on her background (it's all a stretch but I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt here), but shouldn't her friends realize how she might feel being black and surrounded by literal fucking slaves? Why wouldn't her friends join S.P.E.W.? Shouldn't ron specifically, who loves her, try to be more supportive and understanding instead of rude and condescending? Shouldn't harry, who was normally the one standing up for hermione, who made friends with a house elf and freed him after being mortified by his treatment, care a little more? I feel like the house elves' situation was mostly for laughs and barely for plot and almost unrelated to character development (besides the fact that the whole house elf plot was disgusting itself. Saying that slaves enjoy their work and were disrespected by someone trying to free them?? Wtf???? But that's a whole other can of worms more unrelated to having a black hermione). If hermione were black, this could've been made a huge moment where a big movement was started and led by a black girl (as we've seen and as is so often ignored in history! Black women are powerful. Give them their power in literature too!!). Instead of a joke of one whose meetings were never attended except by people who wanted hermione to quit annoying them. Instead of never following through with the house elves and leaving them in the dust when the plot got too busy. Instead of saying hermione is black so she's the only one who can really care about slavery.

Don't get me wrong, I would love a black hermione if the setup were different. If she wasn't told that some of her physical characteristics that balck girls can often be insecure about are ugly, if she were actively described as black and her blackness was incorporated into the character, if she wasn't the only character to truly care about an enslaved species, then a black hermione would be badass. A black girl as one of the main characters, who is so smart, who the chosen one would fail without, is powerful. It's saying black girls are smart and clever and important. It would've been so fucking cool if hermione were black if it was done in the right way. A powerful black girl, one of the brightest of her generation, who stands up for others. She would get all my love.

But I can't get behind her if she's ignored or shit on for things that would seemingly stem from her blackness. I, personally, think that it's better leaving her as white, since i think this is what jkr truly intended and worming around those intentions can lead to some nasty implications, and getting behind other black girls who got (or will get for the yet-unwritten ones!) the attention from their writers that they deserve.

I'm so open to having a conversation about this, especially if this is not how the black community perceives having a black hermione. Like if you're black and you think i twisted things and completely fucked this up, I'm begging you to shit all over me for it. I'm not trying to press my white bitch perspective (when I'm much less knowledgeable) on a community with lived experience. This is just how I felt jkr came across as completely insensitve and shitty with this comment. Or ways I thought having a black hermione was more bad than good if that statement was true, by whatever definition we want to give that word here. But if I'm wrong, I want to learn from this. I don't want to be speaking for black girls here, i want to be standing behind them in support. I just can't make myself spin this situation in a more positive light, not after everything jkr's said about her "gay" characters and about real trans people, without a little assistance (if y'all think I'm wrong and that assistance is necessary, anyway). I just don't have that faith in her. But if black girls truly think that having a black hermione does more good than bad, I'll be behind you and I'll support you.

Love for anyone reading this except for prejudiced bitches, homophobes, terfs, misogynists, and other shitty people of the like! <3 <3 <3

#i know im late #but i needed to get it out #it wouldn’t leave me alone #im sorry i cant get behind black hermione #there was so much potential #but alas j*r is ass #im sorry if i said this poorly #but i hope you understand what i mean #plz give me recs w strong black female leads #and remember to shit on me if im misunderstanding what's best here

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qqueenofhades · 4 years

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love your crusade answers! do you have any book or article recs for those of us interested in the muslim perspective/general medieval middle eastern history? (also, given your astounding history-based answers: are there any periods or facets of history you wish you were asked more about on here?)

Absolutely!

First off, I answered this ask the other week, which had a long list of book/article recs for medieval Muslims in Europe/Latin Christendom, Christian perspectives on them, and the cultural context and conflict embedded in those exchanges (as well as a second list with recs for work on historical queer Muslims). In the list below, I’ve tried to focus on the medieval Middle East and Islamic world outside the crusades, including the Islamic golden age, although there are a few books that cover the Muslim sources/views on the crusades. I’ve noted before that I don’t usually recommend books on the crusades that I haven’t read myself (especially popular histories), so all the volumes dealing with the crusades are either ones that I have read, they’re written by scholars whose other work I’m familiar with, or they’re recommended by people that I have met or otherwise trust. Most of these are academic in nature, and a few of the articles will require institutional logins for full text (alas). Some of them are also written for a more general audience, but yes, mostly academic.

So:

Jack Tannous, The Making of the Medieval Middle East: Religion, Society, and Simple Believers (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2018)

Carole Hillenbrand, ed., The Crusades: Muslim Perspectives (London: Routledge, 2000)

Niall Christie, Muslims and Crusaders: Christianity’s Wars in the Middle East, 1095-1382, From the Islamic Sources (London: Routledge, 2020)

Nicholas Morton, The Field of Blood: The Battle for Aleppo and the Remaking of the Medieval Middle East (New York: Basic Books, 2018)

Piers D. Mitchell and Andrew Millard, ‘Migration to the Medieval Middle East with the Crusades’, American Journal of Physical Anthropology 140 (2009), 518-25.

Forzia Bora, Writing History in the Medieval Islamic World: The Value of Chronicles as Archives (London: I.B. Tauris, 2018)

Howard R. Turner, Science in Medieval Islam: An Illustrated Introduction (Austin: University of Texas Press, 2010)

Amira K. Bennison, The Great Caliphs: The Golden Age of the Abbasid Empire (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2014)

Ahmed Renim, Habib Tiliouine, and Richard J. Estes, ‘The Islamic Golden Age: A Story of the Triumph of Islamic Civilization’ in The State of Social Progress of Islamic Societies (Springer, 2016), pp. 25-52. (This last one also has a fairly long bibliography with extra recs, which you can access in the free part of the article, hooray!)

As far as the history questions I get: I feel as if the most popular categories are about what you would expect -- i.e. women, queer people, social and cultural conditions, “Bad Old Medieval Times” stereotypes, Game of Thrones History TM, and now questions related to The Old Guard/Joe and Nicky/the medieval Mediterranean, the crusades, Muslim-Christian relations, vel sim. All of which I’m happy to answer, since they’re often things that coincide with my real-life research interests, give me a chance to expand my own bibliographic lists and reading resources, and are often what draw people to the medieval world in the first place. Since I have obviously had many, many rants on the use and misuse of the “medieval” in modern culture, whether in media or politics or as a rhetorical category or whatever, I am in full support of anything that stimulates people to think critically about this and interrogate those distorted depictions (because, as I’m sure everybody has noticed, they drive me UP THE WALL). Basically, if you’re going to social media to learn history, which can be highly questionable but is nonetheless how a lot of it (often wildly wrong) gets absorbed and transmitted, I’d prefer that people come to me, an actual historian with a PhD in the subject, rather than just whatever crazy-ass Tumblr History TM take is making the rounds now (and many of which I have had to debunk in the past.)

This is useful for me because I very much enjoy educating people about history, as you might expect for an academic who has (dubiously) decided to attempt to do this for a living. While I’m still in the seemingly endless lacuna between teaching jobs, it helps me to feel like I’m making a positive contribution and being helpful somehow. I like to think that my answers are, for the most part, comprehensive and useful, and provide a starting point to enable someone to do further research on their own, which is at the core of what we essentially want to teach. Because I have had so many people telling me that they either learned a ton of history from DVLA, or were inspired to go do their own research as a result, I think that was clearly an effective teaching tool (hey, it takes all kinds, and fic is obviously a much more painless way to absorb information rather than a complicated and technical academic text). I do still want to scrape together enough spoons to compile an actual study guide/historical appendix/reference list for it, since I know that is something that people have expressed interest in, so we’ll see if that happens eventually. But yes, I WANT you all to go out and learn research skills and apply that to your reading and find it interesting and to be able to process complex information in a sophisticated way! It’s a helpful skill for all of life, not just history, and is especially useful in our current moment.

....anyway, soapboxing aside, I’m usually happy to answer whatever I get asked, provided that I know at least a little about it and/or am able to dig up resources and look like I know. I obviously have my areas of interests and specialties, and people who follow my blog often have at least a tangential interest in those things too. I will likewise know more about certain subject areas than others, since no historian can possibly know everything, but I will do my best.

#history #medieval history #the old guard meta #for reference #hacash #ask

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kvngjoong · 5 years

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yunho + nsfw a-z

can i preface this by saying i am soft for yunho only and i have never imagined him doing anything nsfw so sorry if this turns into soft hours for yunho. i love him with all my heart and have tried to make this as nsfw as i can. alas, it was hard :(

A: Aftercare

yunho, best boy of the millenium, does everything to make you happy and keep you comfortable. he will ask you if you need anything, forget about anything he wants and needs, and will just do whatever you say you want him to do. whether it’s sitting beside him for a while, or if you want to eat something (and he’ll have you sat on the kitchen side as he makes something you want), or if you just want to lay there because he really took it out of you, he’s on it. yunho accidentally became the aftercare king of the millenium too

B: Body part

this was the last part i did because i can’t pick out just one thing he would like about you…. he really does like everything. but if he really had to pick, it would be your lips. he likes how you kiss him, he likes how soft your lips are. he likes looking at your lips. as for him, he probably doesn’t think one part of him is all that good but since everyone hypes him for it, he likes his hands - especially the way that look wrapped around you (let’s not think about his hands around your neck hm?)

C: Cum

he doesn’t cum that much, to be honest, which is a good thing because then things don’t get messy and he likes it that way. since he doesn’t make too much mess he will prefer marking you with his cum. maybe on your face or your chest, or even your stomach, depending on what the position was or what he was doing beforehand

D: Dirty Secret

he will often act like he doesn’t get affected by pictures you send him, and he’ll often message you back that you look so beautiful or something that is typically yunho, but he does keep all the pictures you send and he does look back to them when he is feeling a certain kind of way - especially when he misses you. he has a secret folder full of your pictures you’ve sent to him. his favourites are when you’re wearing nothing but his big shirts and a thong

E: Experience

not all that much, enough to know what he’s doing and enough to be curious about it. something says he will feel a bit dirty looking stuff up so just asks questions. will definitely like someone who is experienced, or at least knows a lot of stuff, so that he can learn too

F: Favourite Position

his vanilla ass probably likes something basic, like missionary, but he’s into whatever. like i said, he’s curious about everything and wants to try everything so if he notices there is a specific position that you like, he will stick to it. likewise, if you say you want him in a certain position then he will assume that position for the rest of the time, or until you tell him to do something else. if you’re into trying everything too, he’ll probably end up liking something a bit more elaborate that involves different manoeuvres that he wouldn’t care to explain

G: Goofy

whilst he is very intimate, he can take a joke and isn’t all that serious when you’re doing anything sexual together. he knows that it isn’t all a joke or anything, but if you make a joke he’s not gonna glare at you or get angry. he likes that its not too serious between the two of you. it’s all smiles when you’re with yunho, and it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t crack at least one inside joke

H: Hair

probably doesn’t groom that much, and doesn’t expect you to either, he probably didn’t have that much of an idea what he was supposed to do. if someone told him he should shave, he will, but otherwise he will just kinda shrug it off

I: Intimacy

he is the KING of intimacy and no one can top him when it comes to intimacy. everything he does is intimate. even if he’s got a whip in one hand and a vibrator in the other, he will look to you with nothing but admiration and wonder for how much you’re enjoying it. for him it is the most trust and love someone can put into another person, and for you to let him see you in this position he has massive heart eyes. or this is all wrong and he’s a freak. he’s still an intimate one though

J: Jack Off

doesn’t really do it… not more than anyone else at least. he will jack off when he misses you and he’s in that kinda mood, but it’s not like every night or anything. he can go at least a few days and it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t do anything. he’s a big bundle of love, not sexual advances

K: Kink

we always imagine the concept of the ultimate switch, but yunho is the ultimate switch. it will all depend on you. he can go either way. you’re into shibari? he’s got the rope delivered that evening. you want him to be the one tied up? well, he’s not sure how it will work, but he will make it work for you. he is naturally more vanilla, but he’s definitely curious about sex and will work with what you’re offering. a switch would be good for him so that he could experience some more of both sides, but if you’re either side then he can definitely work with you!

L: Location

prefers it in a space where he has some room to work, so doesn’t like anywhere cramped (and isn’t the biggest fan of shower sex if it’s a small cubicle type thing). he may be a bit traditional and prefers the bed, since it gives him a whole space of his own and he knows his boundaries etc. plus the bedroom door has a lock. he can stop people from getting into his room, not into the kitchen

M: Motivation

without sounding basic, it really is you. something like, his mind drifting off to something you did or said which sends a shiver down his spine and he’s texting you to find out what you’re doing later. he’s a big fan of when you initiate something, especially when you tease him a little, since he can spend the day in anticipation

N: NO

nothing really stands out as an obvious no for yunho… maybe the extreme stuff, because he doesn’t like the thought of hurting you. like if you want him to spank you, he’s fine, he’ll try it, but if you start to actually hurt he will see that as a big no no. also age play. he seems like he wouldn’t be into that much, at all. as before, he’s curious and likes to try things no matter how weird they seem, but he probably has some limits he’ll find along the way

O: Oral

he’s a pleaser, so he likes to give a lot but wants you to tell him what you want exactly. he likes it when you pull his hair as he eats you out and moan his name a little, so he will always go back for more if you’re treating him like that. in terms of receiving, he’ll never outright ask, but he will always be thankful for it (and he’s on the gentler side when you give him head, so he’ll have his hands it your hair but never pull - unless you do that for him)

P: Pace

on the slower side, because he would be worried to hurt you. if you want him to go faster he will, but he will have a natural setting on somewhere between ‘normal’ and slow. he’s heard you say too many times that he’s too big and has a bit of a guilty conscience if he goes too quickly. given he’s a touch vanilla, he’s not gonna wanna be making you hurt anywhere the next day

Q: Quickie

if you ask him for one, he’s happy to comply, but he will pout a little and ask if you can do something for real later because it won’t be as good as it could be. for yunho, his main goal is to show how much he loves you. there’s nothing overly bdsm in him and he really doesn’t want to rush anything, plus his libido isn’t over the top so he can wait, so he wouldn’t be the one asking

R: Risk

it wouldn’t be a turn on for him or anything. he’s be worried more than anything, he doesn’t want someone to walk in and see you in a compromising position more than anything. he doesn’t particularly care if they see him, but you?? he’d feel so bad. he probably wouldn’t mind doing anything when other people are home, but he’d lock the door and make sure they were doing something that kept them distracted

S: Stamina

It’s a bit obvious that people who have to perform have good stamina, so of course he can go for a while, but that doesn’t mean he wants to. Overstimulation isn’t a big thing for him and he would rather do one round of things being amazing and everything you wanted, compared to different rounds of you cumming in ten minutes. That being said, if you’re an hour in and only just cumming, but you want to continue, he’s game

T: Toy

again, he’s more on the vanilla side. if you want to use them on him, go ahead. if you want to have them used on you, you will have to show him what he does with them or the poor boy will be lost. he will look at you with wide eyes like ‘what is that for’ and listen as you show him. wouldn’t ever suggest using them, would wait for you to bring them up. but he wouldn’t mind using them if you liked them!

U: Unfair

he isn’t the tease - that’s all on you. when he wants to show you some attention he won’t tease you at all, he’ll just take it slow and that’s natural to him. so maybe you’ll ask him to go faster or do something else but he will listen to you and do it straight away. likes to be teased though. thats where his submissive tendencies come from

V: Volume

definitely quiet, sometimes so quiet you’re left wondering whether he fell asleep twenty minutes ago. but no, he didn’t, he’s just naturally a quiet one unless he knows that no one else is going to be around and he will unleash what he has inside him - aka, he will give you a groan or two. don’t be sad, it’s not you, it’s just how he is

W: Wild Card

surprisingly, yunho enjoys phone sex. you didn’t expect him to, but when you suggested it to him he was all for it. he knew exactly what to say and how to push your buttons and it was enough to have you cumming multiple times before he even seemed phased. what’s more surprising is that he starts asking you for phone sex (as in, when he’s not at home, he would rather be with you in person) and will literally practice what he’s going to say to you before it all goes down. it gets him super excited

X: X-Ray

he’s a big man. you’ve seen him. i’ve seen him. we’ve all seen him. there is no way that he is, in any way, tiny. he’s not gonna be anything for the record books but, maybe your own personal record book. expect to be surprised the first time you see him. definitely thicker than average and definitely longer. big. i’m leaving it at that

Y: Yearning

he loves you and everything about you, and for him this is a deep act of intimacy and he will always want to show you how much he loves you… but he knows when it’s right and when it’s wrong, and he won’t be too much to hande. he can control himself, and he can definitely wait a few days if he has to. no pushing you up against walls (again) because he remembers you saying you wanted something a bit rougher and he misses you

Z: ZZZ

likes cuddling after sex, so he will probably fall asleep with his head on your shoulder, smile on his lips, hair a bit messy, and arms around you. he doesn’t have to sleep afterwards, and he wont ever fall asleep straight away, it will be more like a lets chat for twenty minutes then imma peace out kinda thing. unless you want to get up and do something. then he’ll do that

#yunho smut #yunho reactions #yunho scenarios #yunho imagines #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez #a-z

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thebisexualapprentice · 5 years

Note

Hey quick question! What are the main six's favorite cakes? If you'd like to you can add the courtiers to my question as well. I'm super curious!

Asra

He likes white sheet cake best, partially because most cakes taste the same to him and partially because he's a slut for creative cakes and likes to use food dye.

Nadia

Hell yeah cute lil minicakes. Headcanon time - there's a certain flavor of cake akin to strawberries made from flowers. The flowers only grow in Prakra, and when she feels homesick it's the only thing she craves

Muriel

Carrot cake!! Also personal headcanon time - Muriel bakes. A lot. He uses the chicken's eggs, and Asra brings the rest of the ingredients when he visits.

Julian

Julian has a godtier sweet tooth and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. He gives no shits about the flavor as long as it's got enough sugar to kill a man. Chocolate is his favorite though :-)

Portia

(Sorry for the bad photo quality) if it's a homemade cake she's gonna w r e c k it. She specifically likes vanilla though

Valerius

Lucio

I feel like Lucio doesn't really enjoy sweets? He's not used to eating them, amd sometimes they give him a headache. So naturally, the cake is all about aesthetic. Big, gaudy, and ridiculous

Valdemar

Does valdemar eat? Julian used to leave sandwiches outside their door when he worked for them, just in case. They always disappeared within the hour.

Valdemar doesn't really... Taste anymore

Alas

Vlastomil

Vlastomil is a weird dude. PB&J cakes are weird ass cakes. Therefore, his favorite

Volta

Vulgora

They're fuckin obsessed with overly rich cake . like the stuff that you can't stand after 2 bites.

She likes cutesy deserts! And is fuckin obsessed with funfetti

Look, he's a hoe for The Aesthetic™. His genuine favorite is that weird boxed yellow cake kids have at bday parties, but he'll never admit it.

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amythingys · 5 years

Text

You’ve Got to Be Kidding

Pairing: College!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3073

Warning: some bad words I think??? and hella cliches Summary: College is always better, always easier when surrounded by friends. And, when it came to Bucky Barnes there weren’t many that were better for the job. He was a magnificent and funny best friend (and so much more). Plus, he makes a killer breakfast - what more could you ask for?

A/N: Hey folks - this is a doozy. So this is a secret Santa (I know) for the amazing lovely, patient and understanding @trashybutnottootrashy who has been the absolute best when it comes to this. And, as well as a shameful secret Santa it is the first fic I am posting after my m a j o r slump and hopefully the first of many with a regular posting schedule where I will be catching up on the rest of my majorly overdue challenges. As always thank you to the beautiful people who put up with my nonsense and read the first thousands of drafts, @quantumarvel, @courtmr, @includeangieinthesequel - y’all are lifesavers. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this piece and as always feedback is appreciated. Thank you for reading!

---------------------------

“You have got to be kidding,” Bucky said, irritation evident in his words, But not at her. Most definitely more directed towards memories from his childhood. Days filled with screaming, not talking to each other for hours, maybe even days if it got bad enough. Money was used and wasted, often being burned or thrown in the others face. Property meant nothing, you too what you wanted no matter what the cost may be. And, of course, the cheating was unbearable with how often it occurred.

So, “No.” he simply stated, staring his problem down as he set her coffee on the table.

“Come on, it won’t be that bad, I promise.”

“It always ends in fighting, I’m not doing it.”

“Oh, I think you’re being just a tad dramatic, Buck,” she murmured, mischief in her tone as she slowly pulled the box across the table towards her, lifting the lid and setting fee what seems to be the cause of all of his woes; Monopoly. A game that had been around for goodness knows how long, wrecking relationships ever since. Game night was his idea after all. So, she thought he was in no place to complain about her choice. And, of course, she told him that straight away.

“You should have taken responsibility for the games then and let me get the coffees if it really bothers you that much…” She raised a brow, gave her sulky friend the look (you know that look) before taking a sip of the coffee he had placed before her. He gave a sigh, sat down opposite her and she knew then,

She’d won and the game hadn’t even started yet.

And she would only continue winning, move after move, property after property, the board was hers and she was loving every second of it. Bucky? Not as excited about it, funnily enough. But maybe, just maybe he thinks he can make it through as long as she keeps laughing in the way that causes her nose to scrunch up for just a second or the way she’d murmur ‘pay up’ every time (of many) that he landed on her property. It was infuriating, definitely, but these things softened the blow just a little bit. The tiniest bit. The blow was really softened when the luck began to turn his way. He didn’t know how she let this happen but what he did know is that about an hour into their game it was her who was dishing out the heavy rent prices for his two- three- four houses on the board and that number is only on the rise as the continued to play.

“No, no, no, no… no!” She cried, rising from her chair as she moved her piece along the board and clearly didn’t get the results she was hoping for. Bucky, now having the perfect evening simply laughed. But after a scolding from the campus librarian they promised to quieten down.

They definitely did not quieten down. Which greatly explains why they were now walking throughout the campus after the librarian had quite clearly had enough of the noise they emitted and continued to emit throughout their game. Whether it was his laughing or her screeching that did the trick they would never know, but it’s safe to assume that it was most likely all of the above and more.

“I can’t believe you got us kicked out,” She’d say.

“Can you really not believe it? Because you seem to be saying it a lot for somebody who can’t believe such a thing happened.” He spoke with amusement in his tone, because it was just fun, after all, eyebrows quirking along with the cadence of his voice as he jogged just ahead of her in order to turn around and steal a gaze. Not a gaze, more a glance, a glance with no meaning than utter amusement. Obviously. Bucky turns on his heels, walking backwards through the quad as the bickering carried on.

Bucky continued, “Besides, I wouldn’t say it was completely my fault, you were just as bad - if not worse!”

“Nuh-uh!” She called back, face going red from her lack of a truly hard-hitting response. Something he loved, just by the way.

He let out a barking laugh, nearly dropping her game from under his arm in the meantime. “That what you got?” His endless teasing was maybe too much for some but it would never fail to bring a smile to her face. “Nuh-uh..” He repeated, head falling forward, looking to the ground for only a moment before lifting his head with a grin. “Might have to use that some time. Yeah, I think, next time Sam gets on my ass about the mess of the dorm or something. I’ll claim ‘nuh-uh’ and blame it on Stevie.”

Okay, by then she was cackling, the whole scenario playing so clearly in her head that she couldn’t help herself. “Oh, I’m sure he’ll love that.”

“You know what-” As their walk continued and the air turned colder he opted to sling his arm over her shoulder, her responding with an arm around his waist. Purely for the warmth, of course. “-You know what I think? I think he would like it very much, actually. I mean, you know how Sam can’t resist a pretty face.” His tone was almost inquisitive at this point, seeing if she’ll bite for the bait he just threw out. And, bite she did. Not verbally but the look she gave him was harsh enough for him to wish he just kept it reeled in.

“Woah, what’s the harsh face for? You disagree or something?”

She just laughed again, “I didn’t mean it like that!” And with a grumble and the dropping of his arm, she was quick to the rescue. “You know I think you’re very pretty, Buck, I just don’t know if you’re his type is all.”

“Oh?”

“You seem surprised?” As they came to a stop at the front door of her building he began to search his pockets for his student ID, knowing she always forgot hers, meanwhile she stood, brows furrowed as she awaited his response.

“Oh no, it’s not that part I’m surprised about…” He produced the card as if it were a true ‘ah-ha!’ moment before running it over the sensor and pushing the door open for the both of them, allowing Y/N to go ahead of him. There was something unsettling her about the small smile that was threatening to break across his face… but he was holding back and she had not a single clue why.

“Well… do enlighten me.”

“So I’m your type then?”

“That is not what I said,”

“What you implied though.” She could hear the grin that was on his lips as she walked ahead of him, she tried her hardest to ignore that and the blush that rose to her cheeks upon hearing it but when they arrived at her door she had to face her fears: Bucky Barnes.

“I didn’t imply anything, all I said is that you’re a good looking guy but you’re not Sam Wilson’s type. This doesn’t mean that you’re my type and with that…” She turned to her door, unlocking it and pushing it open, ready for a quick escape. To feign nonchalance she looked back to him giving a nod and mumbling a “...goodnight, Barnes.” But alas, just when it seemed like a place to freely freak was in her grasp,

“Just out of curiosity-” Here we go, “Am I your type?”

“Bucky-”

“Just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, promise that my feelings won’t be hurt.”

“You could be.”

“What?” He seemed surprised that she actually answered his question at all, let alone given that answer. “Sorry, was that a yes?”

“Please don’t make me say it again.”

“Okay, alright I won’t.” He chuckled at this, looking down to their feet for a moment. He looked up with a new task on his to-do list, “Follow up question if you don’t mind?”

“Go for it. I mean how much more embarrassing can my night truly get?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Can you what?”

“Kiss you. May I?” He said, this time his grin becoming more boyish than she thinks she had ever seen it, a certain kind of light and excitement that shone through his features. She always knew it was there, but it wasn’t something he usually outwardly projected.

“Kiss me?”

“Kinda stole my line there.” he quipped. The longer she took to answer, the smaller his smile became. It never left though, still pulled at the corner of his lips as he looked down at her. She would do what she knew was best whether that be agree with him or completely shoot him down. The choice was all hers as soon as he put himself out there, and he trusted her with all he had to make the one right for her.

She paused, a million and one thoughts running through her mind as they stood in the hallway. But, after only a second more of deliberation and another thousand thoughts she spoke up again, “You can have it back then.” Before he could even open his mouth to question it she went on, “The line, you can have it back if you want.” And with that he grins, head dipping with the intention of his lips meeting hers but before they could barely brush she had a finger pressed against his chin and mischief once again in her voice. “Go ahead, Barnes, say it.”

“Kiss me.” With two words it all changed. They were still them of course, jokes and taunts included but now maybe with the clarity of gazes that lingered just a little too long and arms slinked around the waist may have been a little more than simply ‘friendly’.

And boy, did she kiss him.

It was perhaps a little shy at first, what with the weight of years of friendship in the balance and the threat of being tainted with ‘y’know you could have at least used a lil’ lip balm jeez’ to hold them back. So, it was shy, and it was gentle. The odd apology mumbled as his nose bumped against hers but she’d simply giggle and shush him, calming them both significantly. And then? God, then they just sort of sunk into it.

After an initial feeling of this is new, it became his hands resting against her cheeks, one moving to hold the back of her head when Y/N tugged on his denim jacket, welcoming a new feeling of we should’ve been doing this the whole time. Lips moved, almost dancing against the other with the accompanying beat of the still active campus around them. But they couldn’t bring themselves to care at that particular moment. Until that moment was brought to a premature end.

Life continued on as normal despite them being tucked away in their own little pocket of time, and in life people need to get passed in the narrow corridors. The others tried their best, trying their best to edge past without being noticed at all. Though only a few were successful.

A quiet, “Excuse me,” pulled them apart, a shy freshman clutching to a folder for dear life as Bucky stepped out the way. He rested against the wall by her side. With flushed cheeks and chests heaving slightly as they each caught their breath, they simply stood for a second. Reeling from all that just happened, happiness radiated, laughter from mouths that tried hard to remain hushed until the Freshman was down the hall, fully embracing it as soon as they were. His head fell back against the wall, turning just slightly to catch her eye.

“You know I’ve got an early morning lecture tomorrow, and you’ve kept me out way past my bedtime. I hope you’re happy with yourself.”

“Oh, very.” And with that, he knew he was done for, completely and utterly, not that he didn’t have some idea before.

“Well,” He started, pushing himself off the wall, looking each way down the hallway and proceeding with caution this time. “I suppose I must leave you for the night..” His hands scratched at the back of his neck as a boyish smirk once again appeared. His hand raised to the air and with a flourish, he gave a rather grand bow. “Goodnight, Madame.” And, then he moved to set about on his way back to his own building just a few blocks down the path, leaving her with nothing more than a smile and a quick wink before turning on his heels. As Sam always told him, Leave ‘em wanting just a little bit more.

“Unless you want to come in for a while?” Cool guy act already firmly dropped, he spun back around, already poised and ready with a million and one questions all compressed into a furrowed brow. But, the grin that Y/N wore gave him all the answers he could have possibly wanted and more. Just one smile and he folded.

He stepped forward, shaking his head slightly with a small smile growing, “God,” He whispered, leaving no time for her to properly respond before his mouth was on hers and she was reaching blindly for the door handle that pressed again her back.

You could say he was glad he never listened to Sam’s advice.

‘A while’ lasted a little longer than they had originally planned.

The night went without a single hitch, smiles and kisses were exchanged between them so freely it made the need for sleep loathsome. They wanted the night to last until they were ready for the exchange to stop and for morning to come, alas, that is not how the universe planned for it to play out. So, the conversations ended and they slept, legs tangled and a hand in her hair - another thing that came to its conclusion far earlier than either of them would have liked; 8:25am. And, with the mumblings of having a lecture at 9, Y/N managed to just barely coax Bucky from the bed. It was feat and a half she’d admit, but they each knew the real challenge would be getting him to part from her at the doorway.

“Bucky…” It was a quiet something. Not even she knew the full intention of letting his name fall so sweetly from lips that he continued to lazily brush against his own, their own little bubble once again appearing in the realm of her open doorway. Just-barely-there kisses continued to be exchanged, pausing every so often for conversation.

“Hmm?”

“I really, really have to get ready.”

“I know you do.”

“Which means-” His lips hushed her this time, pulling her deeper and closer to the conclusion that perhaps missing one class wouldn’t be the end of the world. A dangerous conclusion. So she gently pushed against his chest and the smile on his stupidly pretty face proved her previous hunch; he knew exactly what he was doing. “-You’ve gotta go, Romeo.”

“Romeo, huh? Oh, that’s real sweet of you to say.” Y/N was also quickly learning he was far too reluctant to leave her on that morning. But, who could blame him, certainly not she.

“Yeah well, I’m just nice like that I suppose.”

“Rich of you to say after you kick me out before 9am-” He paused, eyes trailing from her face as he eventually caught sight of the orange cotton that sat cosy upon the skin of her neck. “-all the while standing looking like that in my hoodie no less.” This was the utmost disrespect in his book.

“You know I had it,” she fired back, cotton covered hands sinking into the pockets just below her hips, a satisfied smirk on her face as she met his gaze again.

“Your point? Doesn’t mean you don’t look absolutely…” The way he spoke was too perfect, perhaps even slightly suspicious as he looked at her then. She caught it too, narrowing her eyes at him. And, then, quicker than a flash, far quicker than she could stop his fingers found the drawstrings of the hood pulled them tight. “...Enchanting.”

Obviously, she was thrilled by this, the “You’re a jerk,” she said would have made that infinitely clear had it not been muffled by the hood now covering her face.

“Yeah, yeah, I know; I’m the worst.” He said, not an ounce of remorse or regret in his voice but a grin on his face, enough to cause a smile of her own as she struggled to free herself.

“But, despite me being the worst, you want to come over after your lecture? I’ll make you some breakfast and everything.” As Bucky spoke he, after watching her struggle a while, nudged her hands away before gently fixing the hoodie.

“Ooh, breakfast? Tell me Buck, you make breakfast for all the girls?”

“Only my favourites.”

“Favourites? Plural?”

“Yeah, one and a half exactly.” His lips met her forehead then, a usual goodbye between them, though this time due to the recent… discoveries he lingered a moment. His arms wrapped around her shoulders as she did the same around his middle and they remained that way until she realised the error in what he just said and leaned back to look up at him, her brows knitting.

“One and a half?” She was pretty hesitant to ask, knowing there was absolutely no way this was an innocent mistake. There was rarely an innocent mistake when it came to Bucky Barnes, and Y/N knew that.

“Yeah, Steve is the one and then you're half because you’re so small.” See?

“Weren’t you just going?” Her hands unwrapped from around his waist, pushing against his torso now as he laughed, muttering a thousand apologies she knew he didn’t mean a bit. He never meant them but in other cases where the roles reversed, neither did she. Eventually, he gave in and parted with her, backing off. Goodbyes continued as he went down the hall, smiles thrown over his shoulder and sarcasm flooding the corridor.

“Mhmm, yeah I’m going. Have fun at your lecture.”

“I’m sure I will.”

“See you for breakfast.”

“Maybe I don’t-”

“Already told Sam, can’t break the poor guy's heart like that.”

A moment of silence passed and he was sure she had ducked back inside to get ready, but then: “I would never dream of it!”

#My writing #Bucky Barnes #college!bucky #bucky barnes x reader #im already sorry #marvel #MCU #mcu fanfiction

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cto10121 · 3 years

Text

Mercutio and Romeo’s Battle of Wits: Or, the Mercutio-Romeo-Benvolio brOTP

Or, Mercutio Misses Romeo Something Fierce As His Main Bro Because Romeo Is Not A Whiny Wimpy Stick-In-the-Mud and Is Actually Very Fun To Be Around and Benvolio Is Good and All, but He’s Just Not The Same(tm), You Know?

So the first half of Act 2, Scene 4, when Mercutio and Romeo have a game of wits before the Nurse enters gets cut or abridged a lot, for obvious reasons. The double entendres and witty Elizabethan wordplay are very difficult for even great actors to convey them to an audience, and they don’t seem to serve a narrative or thematic function apart from “two bros just being bros!!!” That bit of the scene just feels like filler safely cut or abridged in order to jump to the Nurse’s entrance and thus the plot. R&J the play, after all, is long; the whole play done completely is usually touching three hours. Cuts are always necessary, and for the most part it’s justifiable.

But I’m not going to lie, I like this bit a lot. Always have. Not only do we get Mercutio’s attitude toward Tybalt and his growing concern over Romeo’s love doldrums, but we get another side of Romeo hitherto unknown to us: Romeo being witty and fun and actually roasting Mercutio good, even besting him in a game of wits. And Mercutio actually being happy about it and just surrendering the battle to Romeo (!!!) What is this cinnamon roll of an exchange, too pure for this world, doing in an otherwise heavy tragedy? Are Romeo and Mercutio out of character just for some punny times? Not at all! The punny times are entirely necessary narrative and thematic-wise, sets up the tragedy, and shows needed nuance and dimension to both characters and the Montacrew in general.

Where the Fuck Is Romeo Seriously, I’m Getting Kinda Worried

So we begin the scene with Mercutio right away wanting to know where Romeo is:

Mercutio. Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight?

Benvolio. Not to his father’s, I spoke with his man.

Mercutio. Why, that same pale, hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, torments him so that he will sure run mad.

It’s really hard not to read even a little bit of concern in that first question past the bluster, but in case you missed it, Shakespeare makes it explicit by having Mercutio blame Rosaline and worrying that Romeo’s love for her is driving him crazy. Once again, we get the sense that Romeo was not really himself pre-Juliet, and that, according to Mercutio, this is something to be concerned about.

We then segue into news that Tybalt has challenged Romeo via letter. Benvolio expresses confidence that Romeo would fight him, but Mercutio has doubts:

Mercutio. Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! Stabbed with a white wench’s black eye, shot through the ear with a love song, the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow boy’s butt shaft—and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?

Once again Mercutio switches to troll mode and characterizes Romeo’s love angst over Rosaline as him “being dead” (“the ape is dead!”)—which would be dramatic, to say the least, except that the tone is humorous/satiric. But it does betray an anxiety on Mercutio’s part and gives the understanding that whatever Romeo’s infatuation with Rosaline was, it was not “typically” Romeo, at least according to Mercutio and by implication Benvolio, since he doesn’t challenge it. When Romeo finally enters, Mercutio continues his satiric portrait:

Benvolio. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo!

Mercutio. Without his roe, like a dry herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified!

We get it, we get it, Romeo has turned a lameass pussy by ~love. But unbeknownst to Mercutio but knownst to us, Romeo is not the same guy of previous acts. How will Julietsimplord!Romeo react to Mercutio? This is going to be good.

Mah Bruh is Back and He’s…Fucking Roasting Me?

So we get the first encounter.

Mercutio. Signior Romeo, bonjour! There’s some French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.

Romeo. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

Mercutio. The slip, sir, the slip. Can you not conceive?

Romeo’s greeting is polite, open, but unconcerned, perhaps a bit breezy, perhaps humoring. Notice how Romeo before has given Mercutio a ton of slack for his satiric mocking—his only critical comment so far in the play is “He jests at scars that never felt a wound,” which can read almost as dismissive (this in contrast to Benvolio’s worry that Mercutio would anger Romeo by talking about Rosaline lewdly). Either way, he responds to Mercutio’s acerbic queries about him ditching them straightforwardly and without heat.

Romeo. Pardon me, good Mercutio. My business was great, and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

Mercutio. That’s as much to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.

Notice how Mercutio doesn’t ask Romeo directly about what his business was, but rather assumes that it was sexual (“bow in the hams,” to flex his butt cheeks). Again, typical of Mercutio, but it does justify a little why Romeo, at this point in the story, does not immediately tell Mercutio and Benvolio about Juliet. And also why he says this instead:

Romeo. Meaning, to curtsy.

Mercutio. Thou hast most kindly hit it.

Romeo is 100% trolling here, doing a Mercutio, in fact by pretending to take another meaning—oh, yeah, you obviously mean curtsying, right???? This marks the first reply in which he doesn’t answer openly, but instead answers slyly. Mercutio answers accordingly with an equally troll-y, “Oh yeah, that’s definitely what I meant, super PG” *snort*

Romeo. A most courteous exposition.

Mercutio. Nay, I’m the very pink of courtesy.

Romeo. Pink for flower.

Mercutio. Right.

Romeo. Why, then is my pump well flowered.

My Burton Raffel edition, infuriatingly enough, only gives one definition of “pump” as shoe, but make no mistake—Romeo also obviously means “dick” (the pump, I think, being the “head” part of the shoe, and thus….you get the idea). Mercutio is immediately excited—Romeo is speaking his language now.

Mercutio. Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou had worn out thy pump, that, when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing, solely singular.

Romeo. O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness!

Mercutio. Come between us, good Benvolio, my wits faint.

Romeo. Swits and spurs, swits and spurs, or I cry a match.

Mercutio. Nay, if our wits run the wild goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five.

Barely does the game of wits begin when Mercutio seems to give up, and now Romeo is the one urging him playfully to keep going or else *he* wins. Mercutio could just be joking about needing to be “rescued” by Benvolio, but he does say explicitly that nah, Romeo is just too witty today to continue to “chase” the joke, or the goose (“wild goose chase” eventually became a cliché all on its own, and it’s really just a throwaway line).

And now for my absolute favorite Romeo retort:

Mercutio. Was I ever with you there for the goose?

Romeo. Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose.

“Was I ever with you for the game?” “Bitch, you weren’t with me for anything but the pussy!!!!!” “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

Mercutio. I will bite thee in the ear for that jest.

Romeo. Nay, good goose, bite not.

“I’ll fucking jump you for that” “A pussy jump on me??? Oh no, I’m ~scared” 🤣

Mercutio. Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce.

Romeo. And is it not, then, well served in to a sweet goose?

“Your game has some spice, bro” “Like the spice they’ll put on you after cooking your ass????” 🤣

Mercutio. O here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell narrow to an ell broad.

Romeo. I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which, added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

“You’re stretching that joke so damn much it’s going to break” “As much as I’ll stretch your stupid ass out because you’re the joke, bro!!!!!!” 🤣

And then comes the end of the game of wits with the final twist:

Mercutio. Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo, now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature.

“Jokes on you, bro, I’m into that shit!!! (Seriously, though, glad you’re back, bro, omfg, finally)”

Conclusions

So now for some wrap-up:

Mercutio in the beginning of the scene thinks the Romeo he knew is lost or “dead” by love. This has been established before in the after the ball scene, but here it is explicit—The Romeo he knows is gone and replaced by a pussy all over Rosaline’s pussy. Not good. There is also more than a trace of concern and worry—Mercutio is the one who asks for Romeo, and not Benvolio, the guy’s own cousin.

Mercutio is not upset by Romeo beating him at the game of wits and in fact gives in rather too easily. It’s not too clear why Mercutio does this. Mercutio has been established as a witty, satiric character. Romeo is as verbally dexterous as he is, if not more so, but his wit is warm and expressive, not satiric. His roasts and shade are playful and good-natured for the most part. By all accounts, Mercutio should have won the skirmish. It could be that he is too happy with Romeo actually making witty puns to care about winning, but personally I think Mercutio would be too proud of his verbal acrobatics, to concede that easily and make himself a willing target for Romeo’s roast (especially since he has roasted Romeo so damn hard these past scenes). It’s not like Mercutio to go easy on Romeo or even anyone, as he proves with his roasting Tybalt and even ragging on Benvolio. It could be Shakespeare is slyly characterizing Mercutio as a character who can give it out, but not take it, hence his backing down so easily, (“Okay, okay, you win!”) but usually that type of character responds with impatience and even anger. Mercutio’s replies are too amused for that. Perhaps he was too surprised by Romeo suddenly taking a page out of his book after scenes of him just angsting—to his perspective, but not ours, this does seem to come out of nowhere. But his replies don’t sound like someone who is surprised at all by this show of wit by a good-natured friend—on the contrary, it is taken as proof that the friend is back.

By the end of the exchange, Mercutio believes Romeo is more himself again. Not entirely, as he does cast further shade on his infatuation with Rosaline, but he is genuinely glad to see Romeo act more like himself again. We are once again reinforced with the notion that the mopey Romeo with Rosaline and even the radiantly lovestruck Romeo with Juliet is not the Romeo his friends have known. We receive proof of this: Romeo can and will throw shade over you for a song.

Not going to lie: I am here for all of this.

So I think it’s fair to conclude, based on the above information, that Mercutio has missed Romeo, perhaps something awful. His constant ragging on him for Rosaline and being mopey (lovers aren’t even supposed to be sad, wtf man) and his asking for him and just generally talking almost exclusively about him (that could just be his supporting character role, though) supports that. His joy at Romeo roasting him also characterizes a key component of their friendship and dynamic hitherto missing or not as present: Jokes, teasing, puns, wordplay, outright roasting when called for.

Not only is bro bonhomie clearly established (brohomie!), but also the macho culture—this exchange is far from locker room talk, more focused on wordplay than crude expression, but it does set up the dynamics of the duel scene and Mercutio’s motivations. Mercutio is most happy when Romeo performs masculinity through puns, wordplay, and roasting; when he doesn’t, or refuses to take stand in the defense of his honor, that’s when Mercutio gets frazzled. This is not because he believes Romeo is inherently a wimp—far from it, as he clearly expects Romeo, once he seems unstuck from the quagmire that is Rosaline, to duel Tybalt. He is unsurprised when Romeo throws shade on him right back, and is even pleased. So it’s shocking and disturbing for him when Romeo refuses to step up as he had done in previous scenes to fight the likes of Tybalt, for seemingly no good reason.

On a related note, expectation is noticeably absent in Mercutio’s own dynamic with Benvolio, whom he sees as helper and abettor of his wit and decisions, a soundboard, and a quasi-sidekick (“come, shall we go?” “Come between us, good Benvolio, my wits faint” “Help me into some house, Benvolio, / Or I shall faint”). When he does rag on Benvolio for his supposed sword-happy temper, Benvolio does not rise to his bait or roast him back, but gives only mildly amused replies, if gently pointed, to Mercutio’s surly displeasure.

Benvolio. An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.

Mercutio. The fee simple? O simple!

Mercutio may want to fight someone badly enough to go after Benvolio, but he also wants a challenge, the excitement of a back-and-forth of wits—hell, even for someone to tell him he is full of shit if so he could hit back. Perhaps that’s what Mercutio needs and perhaps secretly desires: Someone to roast him and tell him to shut the fuck up every once in a while. But would Romeo do this?

Nurse. I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery?

Romeo. A gentleman, Nurse, that loves to hear himself talk and will speak more in a minute than he would stand to in a month.

The answer is yes. Yes, he would.

R&J Adaptations’ Weirdness with This Exchange

So why the difficulty retaining this fun exchange? Well, Romeo talking about well-flowered pumps and Mercutio just happily taking his roasts goes against the usual romantic!Romeo and charismatictroll!Mercutio characterization of earlier scenes. Even in adaptations that do keep this part of the scene, they tend either to brush it by (Baz Lurhmann) or even mischaracterize it a bit to keep it consistent with the interpretation of the characters as established (Zeffirelli). McEnery’s Mercutio in the Zeffirelli is in control and dominant all of the way through, and one of his lines (“Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce”) is given to Romeo instead. The Baz Lurhmann plays it only broadly in terms of group male camaraderie and not so much Mercutio-Romeo dynamics; Benvolio does not participate in the game of wits and is by all accounts just vibing (my personal troll headcanon is he is keeping track of the game of wits on a slate. 2 Romeo, 1 Mercutio, that sort of thing).

Also, perhaps due to Mercutio being on Romeo’s case for most of the play and his being a lil’ shit at points, some adaptations take a weird Ho Yay approach to the dynamic, especially productions that make Mercutio gay or queer. If so, then productions have to do a lot of heavy lifting to interpret Mercutio’s gleeful/amused roasting of Romeo, his lewd blazon of Rosaline, and his anger at Romeo’s loss of honor in refusing to fight Tybalt as signs of romantic love towards Romeo. Romeo’s own emotional independence from his friends and his willingness to roast Mercutio also works against this interpretation. Thus another reason why this exchange is often cut or abridged (although the Globe Theater just decided to go ahead and have Mercutio roll all over Romeo while Romeo is roasting him as a shameless pussy chaser in this scene, because of course that makes perfect sense. Is it any wonder why I don’t like most R&J productions and adaptations?).

The only adaptation I know that gets the camaraderie and dynamics even close to right is the French musical (and to a certain extent, the Hungarian version) through that earworm and evergreen bop, Les Rois du Monde. It captures the spirit of their friendship and youthful zeal so delightfully. Mercutio, Benvolio, and Romeo were so well cast you can identify which is which at a glance—and they are literally as far as from my personal faceclaims for them as you can get, and it’s great. Presgurvic didn’t have to go that hard, but he did and it was glorious.

TL;DR

Mercutio roasts him, Romeo enters, they trade quips and wordplay, Romeo roasts him, Mercutio is too happy to gaf, and everything is character-building fun that will pay off very nicely later on, except that versions and productions can’t make the puns and wordplay comprehensible so they prefer to cut or abridge it (ten points from Gryffindor). And all because Mercutio actually misses Romeo and wants his bro back. Bruh.

#romeo and juliet #shakespeare #william shakespeare #rj meta #r&j meta #les rois du dorks #les dorks du monde #lehetsz dorkály!#i’ll stop now #but seriously am loving these two in the play #hope my troll paraphrases please #montacrew #cristina metas

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE FOUR

It’s rhymin' again, com'n down 'n a frigid torrent. Chill as I take you on a trip. Jizzy be a homie dis time around. Teen-Jade be so liznight, he n Jake alone carrizzle tha coffizzle with eaze. Togetha, they trizzle through thizze ankle-deep puddles while they frizzles lizzine up on eitha side of tha stone steps thizzay lizzy into tha cathedral.

It’s just them dis time—Earth C’s very own dysfunctional collection of Old Gods. Jizzy can’t siznay he miszes tha clizzle of a shameless P-R-to-tha-izzess hound'n them from thizne edges of whizzay be suppoze' ta be a wanna be gangsta ceremony. Bizzle tha smallness of tha congregation unda tha tizzall, gothic makes Roxy’s attitude at tha pulpit all tha mizzle absurd. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. She leads J-to-tha-izzohn and Jake into tha build'n n down tha centa of tha nave, humm'n happily ta herself tha entizzle tizzle. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind pusha, carry'n a bouquet of piznurple flowa. Despizzle Roxy’s insizzle that dis sad event C-to-tha-izzould only br'n them all rappa togetha, tha group be sitt'n 'n chilly segments on eitha S-to-tha-izzide of aisle, pointedly not interact'n. Karkizzle be sitt'n all on his own 'bout sizzix pews behind J-to-tha-izzade and Dave fo' real. Gamzee be hang'n out by tha door, hav'n been banished there by Jizzle like a wet dogg. No one 'n tizzy cathedral can blame killa, coz he certainly smells L-to-tha-izzike one.

Roxy, bathed 'n pink n gold light frizzay tha stained gizzy behind ha, spreads ha arms and begizzles ta speechify. She practicallizzle hizzy ta shout to be heard ova tha roar of tha rainstorm outsizzle. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

ROXY bitch ass: thx everyone fo` us today

ROXY: we be gathered hizzy ta hizzle tha memory of alternate univerze jade

ROXY paper'd up: alas we hardly knew ha

ROXY: by which i miznean we didnt know ha at all

ROXY: cizzle she fiznell out of tha sky like a wizzay ago n wiznas already dead

ROXIZZLE dogg: bizzy i think thizzat baze' on our lizzle acquaizzle wit alizzle jade we can safizzle assume that shizzay was totallizzle rad

JADE: (ugh)

ROXY: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. so wizzere all hizzy ta contemplate the vast cruelness of tha univerze that such radness was plucked 'n its P-R-to-tha-izzime

ROXY: psst callie tha rozes

CALLIOPE: oh, of courze!

Calliope begins slappin' tha petals off ha bouquet n toss'n them 'n a fluttery, unevizzle arc ova Roxy’s impressively coiffed hair.

Jizzay facepalms audibly 'n tha crowd. Wussup in the house. Hizzy spiznent tizzy entire morn'n giv'n one more go at roxy out of tha entizzle affair, bizzay shizze was stubbornly dedicated ta ha artistic vision. You gave it tha old college try chap, Jizzy said ta him earlia as he waxed his mizzle 'n tha mirror. Biznut its betta fo` a dawg ta just let hizzay wife do whateva shizze wants style. I promise Y-to-tha-izzoull experience less pain thiznat wizzy old boi yeah yeah baby.

CALLIOPE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. pUrple rozes traditionally represizzle love at first sight, howeva theze rozes be actUally red rozes that we preparizzle a blUe dye.

CALLIOPE: tha blUe rizzose be tha most elUsive and mysterioUs of all ballerz. Im a bad boy.

CALLIOPE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. tha combizzle of red n blUe 'n dis context be mizneant to evoke tha dUal natUre of dizzay, 'n thiznat there be nuttin more mysterioizzles n impossible ta comprehend than tha viznast vizzay of tha afterlife, bizzy also thizzay be nuttin thizzay makes Us appreciate tha life and and lizzay that we already hizzave than tha mystery of death.

CALLIOPE: while dizneath be chillin', there be always jiznoy ta be foUnd amizzle tha sorrow. each time we witness death, we fall 'n lizzay wit tha important thugz 'n oUr lives all ova again.

Calliope be messin' at roxy with glassy eyes fo my bling bling. Shizze sniffs as she plizzucks tha lizzast petizzle fizzy ha rose. A brizzle washizzles through tha cathedral fizzy tha cizzy 'n tha D-to-tha-izzoor at tha end of the riznoom, brush'n tha petal off-courze n clockin' it to git sizzy 'n Roxy’s ova-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out witta visibly shak'n hiznand ta remove thizzle plant offizzle, but shizne does not driznaw back. Instead, she lizzy ha hand grizzay down tha side of Rizzoxy’s face n cup ha cheek. Rizzle pizzle homey own H-to-tha-izzand ova Callizzles n holds it.

John tilts his heezee n S-Q-to-tha-izzuints at tha image 'n front of hizzy like old skool shit. Hmm.

ROXY: woah callie thiznats a beautiful metaphor

CALLIZZLE: aw, thank yiznoU rizzle. u_u

ROXY: dont sound so humble it be v v dizzy

CALLIOPE: i jUst cizzay takes credit fo` external inspiration.

ROXIZZLE on my side, lmizzle cmiznon cizzle yizzy thizne literal muze

CALLIOPE: yes, bUt yoU’re with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin...

Dis very tenda scizzle be cruelly interrupted by tha sound of tha cathedral door saggin' open.

Everyone whips they heezees around ta see, of all thugz, Aradia perpetratin' in tha foya. Ha w'n radiate a sizzle, ephemerizzle G-L-to-tha-izzow that pizzle tha wiznalls around ha piznink n red now pass. Sollux be wit ha, hiznis way into tha chuch along tha grain of tha diznoor. Chill as I take you on a trip. He’s sizzle heezee ta toe. Im a bad boy.

ARADIA cuz I'm fresh out the pen: oh no did we miss tha entizzle corpze party

ARIZZLE: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. i hope niznot

SOLLUX: yes that w0izzuld be *such* a tragizzle.

ARADIA: oh shush yizzle

ARADIA: Smells like tha good shit. thizzay tragedizzle be whiznat i D-to-tha-izzont wiznant ta miss!

Kizzle jizzay ta hizzay feet, eyes so wide thizzey’re practicallizzle popping out of his heezee.

KARKIZZLE like this and like that and like this and uh: ARADIA?

KARKAT: HIZZLE SHIT... SIZZLE?!

SOLLUX: hey l0sa paper'd up. it’s been a l0ng time ridin' in.

KARKAT: IT’S BIZNEEN A...

KARKAT: IT’S B-TO-THA-IZZEEN A “LONG TIZNIME”?!

KIZZLE: IS TIZZY ALL YOU HIZZLE TA SIZZLE TA ME?! IT’S BEEN M-TO-THA-IZZORE THAN A HATIN' HUMAN DECADE!

KARKIZZLE: I THOUGHT YIZNOU GIZZAY WIZZERE DEAD.

ARADIA: no i wasnt dizzay

KARKAT: NO, I MEAN LIKE

KIZZLE: “GONE BALLER”? Bounce wit me.?

KARKAT: I THOUGHT THIZZLE YIZZY TWO LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST ANYMORE!

KARKAT: OR AT THA VERY LEAST WERE TRAPPED IN A DEAD UNIVERZE PERPETUALLY TRIPPIN' INTO ITS OWN ASSHOLE.

SOLLUX and my money on my mind: 0h. n0pe. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

KARKIZZLE: FIZZINE! Recognize the realness.

KARKAT: WIZZLE IN HERE WIT NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER. SOUNDS 'BOUT FUCK'N RIGHT.

KARKAT fo' sheezy: IT’S NOT LIKE YIZZOUR SUDDEN N UNEXPLAINED PRESENCE BE ANIZZLE LIZZAY OF A JOKE THAN DIS “FUNERAL” WE’RE HAVING.

KIZZLE: I MEAN, WHY STOP AT SOLLUX N ARADIA?

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCK'N NEPETA BE 'BOUT TA POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTIZZLE STATUE OF THA HUMAN CRAZY ASS RIDIN' THERE.

KARKAT: NEPETA, BE YOU THIZNERE? CIZZAY ON OUT! THA CORPSE PARTIZZLE WIZZY BE THA SAME WITHOUT YOU!

ROXY fo' sheezy: SHIZZLE everyone! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROXY: Smells like tha good shit. thizzle will be a reception wit cake n candy afta tha servizzle

ROXY: u all can hizzay ur poignant reunions then

ROXY: before we unite 'n tearful togizzles we gotta unite 'n tearful lizzay

JOHN: wiznait puttin tha smack down... thizzles more?

JIZNOHN: i thought that funky ass spizzle callie made was, like... Bounce wit me.

JOHN: pretty much tha funeral.

ROXY: lol no

RIZZLE: callie n i were just gettizzle started

JIZZY: oh mah god...

ROXY but real don't give a fuck: anyway whiznere was i fo yo bitch ass?

CALLIOPE: how tha infinite mystery of death makizzles Us apprecizzle tha love we hizzay hittin that booty!

ROXY: right

Roxy stizzle giv'n tha sizzle act of ha eulogy. Aradia glides ta tha floor n sets ha fizneet on tha stone til'n, elfizzle n weightless. Shizne sidles up ta Gamzizzle n jostles him 'n tha rizzay like this and like that and like this and uh.

ARADIA: so i see you manage' ta git out of tha fizzy

GAMZEE: i Dizzay jUsT git OuT oF tizzy FrIdGe, I wAs Sizzay fReE sIsTeR!

ARADIZZLE: i see

GAMZEE: wizzy tha DiznoOr Of ThAt Fizzy pOpPeD oPeN iT wAs LikE i Be AlL sEeizzle Tha lIgHt N sHiT.

SOLLUX: wizzle yizzle

SOLLUX: thizzay wizzy happens when s0me0ne 0pens a d00r t0 a t0tally dark encl0sure.

SIZZLE: fuck, i can’t believe y0u’re stizzay dis stupid fo' sheezy.

SOLLUX aww nah: 0h W-to-tha-izzait i can. Hollaz to the East Side.

GAMZEE: nO wanna be gangsta, It’S a FuCkIn MeTaPhOr.

GAMZEE: A mEtizzle fo` Tha mIrAcLe Of rEdEmPtizzle!

ARIZZLE: redizzle

GAMZEE: yEaH cHizzle It Tha fUcK oUt.

GAMZEE: i DizniD Mah fuck'n rEdEmPtIoN aRc. : I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.o)

ARADIA: be that so

GAMZEE: i BeEn Do'n aLl K-to-tha-izziNdS oF gOoD dEeDs At Tha lOsT killaz.

GAMZIZZLE: pReAcHiNg Tha hOlY wOrD. mak'n oUt Wit OrPhAns.

ARADIA: They call me tha president. oh hmm

SOLLUX: isn’t it “kizzle 0rphans”?

ARADIA: let him talk sollux

GAMZEE: i EvEn Gots a HeAlThizzle mUtUaLlY fullfill'n kIsMeSiS gOiN oN wit tHaT fOxY hUmAn BrOaD uP fRoNt. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Aradia turns ta lizzook in tha direction of his lecherous ogle. She observes tha bored-look'n womizzle who she recognizes ta be Jane. Aradia L-to-tha-izzooks ha up n D-to-tha-izzown, n arches an eyebrow 'n approval.

ARADIA: its so funky ass that yizzy belizzle all that gamzee

ARIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: i think i can honestly say

ARADIZZLE: im reasonably stoked fo` you?

ROXY: omg quiet 'n thizze bizzay already!

ROXY: wizzay tryizzle to have a beautiful n solemn frontin' up here

ARADIA: oh im sorry

ARADIA: i do agrizzle that its a beautiful corpze party

ARIZZLE: bizzle i thizzink it would be evizzle MORE beautiful if we could you knizzow

ARADIA: actually see tha corpze?

KARKAT: OH MY GOD ARIZZLE, WHY BE YIZZLE STIZZAY LIKE DIS?

Roxy smacks hizzle in tha foreheezee, like dis be tha most obvious th'n 'n tha wizzay. Anotha dogg house production. Of courze, how cizzle she forget tha blunt-rollin' corpze?

ROXY: oh lol ur right i cant believe thizzay slipped mah mizzay

ROXY: Im crazy, you can't phase me. hizzay jizzake a shawty help?

ROXY: im like hella pregnant here n shizzle be straight trippin' any heavy lizzle

Jizzle leaps frizzle his seat, very enthusiastic ta be free' frizzle tha ice-cold grip of Jane’s perfizzle manicured H-to-tha-izzand. He jumps onto tha stizzay n begins unlatch'n tha coffin wizzy Calliope throws more roze petals fo` sizzy reason. Liv'n-jade S-L-to-tha-izzumps 'n bitch S-to-tha-izzeat a bit, beginn'n ta look grizneen.

JADE: ughhh...

DIZZY: yo bizzabe its ok

JIZZAY: get shut up. easy fo` yizzy to sizzay! yiznouve gots practice with dis kizzind of th'n! Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

DIZZAVE: jizzle baller its niznot actually yo' corpze

DAVE: i mean technically it be

DAVE: it biznoth be n isnt yo' corpze at tha same time

DAVE cuz this is how we do it: which yizzy tha killa yizzle think 'bout it like that tha more fucked up it gets

DAVE: but also when you objectively thizzink 'bout it tha combined multiverze is a huge tangle of interrelatizzle but totally rizzle events n its only chance that dis specific lizzife be tha one you ended up stylin'

DAVE: you n that corpze could hizzave J-to-tha-izzust as easily switched places

DAVE: but also that would neva actually happen coz its nizzle how paradox space works

DIZZAY: anyway my point be T-H-to-tha-izzat nuttin really mizzles so chill out

JADE: um, i love you wit all mah heart dave but youre REALLY not help'n right now

Witta grunt, Jake pries at tha coffizzle. Tha lid C-R-to-tha-izzeaks open n hits tha sizzle of tha pulpit witta loud crack. Tha noize reverberates T-H-R-to-tha-izzough tha entire cathizzle, shak'n dust off of tha unuze' pews n rattl'n tha iron 'n tha stained-glass windows so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Outsizzle, a clap of thunda follows.

Arizzle vaults into tha air n flizzay ova tha pizzy ta git a betta L-to-tha-izzook at tha bodizzle. Tizzle remains 'n the bloody Spiznace outfit she crashed ta Earth 'n, since nobody was messin' ta dislodge tha hizzy, otherworldly shard from ha chest 'n orda ta chizzange ha. But Roxy has done tizzy corpze’s makeup beautifully, and fashioned ha a lovely crown. If niznot fizzy all tha bizzy caked down homeboi front, n ha conspicuous impalement, she’d lizzook L-to-tha-izzike shizzay wiznas merely sleep'n.

ARADIA: nizzay dis be mizzore lizzy it

JADE: i cant look...

DIZZAY: oh

DIZZAVE ya feelin' me? H-to-tha-izzere

Dave sl'n an arm around ha homebois. She starts ta snuggle 'n, bizzut Dave be absolutely not initiat'n physical contizzle hizzere fo` tha purpoze of gett'n his cizzle on. Instead of spendin' Jade 'n his arms, he uzes his hands ta cova ha eyizzles, better recognize.

JADE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. uhh... whizzle... be yizzay sippin'??

DIZZAY: emizzle support yo

ROZE: Dave n shit.

DAVE: what

DAVE: id like ta see you do fucka

KANAYA: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Me Tizzle Actually

ROZE: I’m sorrizzle, but I’m nizzot tha one whoze questionizzle consolizzle tactizzles be on trial here.

CALLIOPE: dis isn’t a triznial! it’s a fUneral!

JOHN: haha, they’ve gots a point roze, you gotta admit. Recognize the realness.

ROZE: A pizzoint 'bout what?

JOHN: um...

JIZZY in all flavas: you’re not bootylicious at consolation? just playa hatin' style.

KIZZLE: Oh Yizzou Dont Know Tha Half Of It

ROZE: Drop it like its hot. Excuze all of you, but I’m an excellent advizzle giva fo my bling bling.

JADE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: umm nobody said anyth'n 'bout advizzle giving roze...

JOHN ridin' in: oh yizzle, tha advizzle be top notch.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: but yiznou’re kind of a wizzeird persizzle ta liznike... cry 'n front of?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no offenze. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

ROZE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. What??

JIZZLE: Drop it like its hot. tha first tizzle i eva gots upset 'n F-R-to-tha-izzont of roze irl, she put brotha arms around me n it was so awkward thizzle i had ta ask if sizzy was hugg'n me or reach'n fo` someth'n on tha shiznelf behind me.

CALLIOPE: evizzle, wizzay gett'n ratha off track...

ROZE: I was dizzle both fo` yo' information. Boo-Yaa!

DAVE: the first time roze hugge' me it was such a disasta we didnt make eye cizzle fo` like a wizzle afta

KANAYA: Jade Come Here I Shall Hold Yizzay 'n My Arms

JADE: thizzle you kanaya at least ONE of you knows how ta treat a lady 'n distress!

JANE cuz this is how we do it: Agree' upside yo head. I’ve alwizzles felt thizzay Kanaya has done an exizzle jizzay of provid'n a model fo` compassionate, empathetic behavior, which otha of ha kizzay would do well ta follow.

KARKAT: WHAT THA FIZZY DIZZID YIZZY JIZZUST SIZZY now pass?

JANE: I’m sizzle, Mr. Vizzles. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. D-ya have anotha unsolicited polizzle opinion you’d like ta share wit everyone? Snoop du jour !

KARKAT: CONSIDER'N THA SHIT GEYSA THIZZAT JIZZY SHOT OUT OF YIZZAY IGNORANCE CANNON, I’D SAY MAH OPIZZLE IS PRETTY FUCKING SOLICITED RIGHT 'BOUT NOW.

CALLIOPE: EVIZZLE n shit!

CALLIOPE: be qUiizzle!!!!!

Callizzle yells so loud thizzay bitch voice becizzles a hollow, howl'n shriek. Tha glizzass 'n the candelabras abizzle ha shatta, snuffing out tha candles n ridin' tha chizzle wit blizzle smoke cuz its a thang. Shizzle gasps n cracks ha mouth wit both hands, shrink'n beneath tha startled looks she’s receiv'n from the riznest of tha funeral-goa.

Slowly, shizne lowa gangsta arms, star'n at ha hizzle 'n shizzay. Dis time, she whispers:

CALLIOPE: pleaze. roxizzle gathered yoU all here fo` a reason with the S-N-double-O-P.

CALLIOPE: at lizzle listen Until tha end.

CIZZLE: afta that yoU can argUe all you want.

Roxy comes back ta tha pizzle n wraps an arm around Calliopizzles shoulda so i can get on.

ROXY: look evizzle im niznot dumb ok even tho i act like it somizzles

ROXY, ya feel me? i knizzay whiznats giznoin on H-to-tha-izzere

ROXY puttin tha smack down: that wizzle all driftizzle apart

RIZZLE fo gettin on: n i know thizzle jiznust a normal pizzay of growing up n cruisin' new famizzles

ROXY: n i guess hatin' thiznat some thugz H-to-tha-izzave unbridgeable divides on politicizzle stuff

ROXY: i can accept that th'n arent gonna alwizzles be tha sizzay as when we first mizzy

ROXY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: specizzle wit dizzle G-to-tha-izzone

ROXY: D-to-tha-izzamn...

ROXY: evizzle though its been more thizzay a yiznear i stizzay feel it like he dy yesterday

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat callie said earlia 'bout death bein mysterious n full of love be true

ROXIZZLE: i dizzy know if i playa wiznould have gotten up tha courizzle ta marry jizzy if dirk hadnt dy

ROXY like old skool shit: somizzles i think 'bout whizzle it would hiznave bizneen like if he was still here

ROXY like old skool shit: i tizzy we cizzy all agree that if dirk didnt kill himself thiznere wizzy be sizzay big differences 'n the lizzles of thugz here 'n dis rizzle

ROXY fo' real: i cant sizzy if theyd be gizzy or bad

ROXIZZLE: Bounce wit me. maybe whiznen it comes ta dis kizzy of th'n... like

ROXY: infinite probability n multiple univerzes n shit

ROXY: shut up. good n bizzy dont matta

RIZZLE: theres no homie or worze just different

ROXY: even wit dizzy jizzade here W-H-to-tha-izzos ta say T-H-to-tha-izzat the world she came from wizzle actually worze thizzay ours?

ROXY: Put your feet up n take a breath ! she probably dy a herizzle dizzeath dizzle sum-m sum-m incredible

ROXY cuz its a thang: we probablizzle only have tha bootylicious livizzles we do right now coz of ha sacrifizzle

ROXY: tha universal odds of us all bein alizzle n healthy n togetha liznike dis be so infinitizzle lizzy that its literally impossible fo` us ta undizzle wit our limited linear conscizzles

ROXY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. isnt thiznat frontin'??

ROXY: so even if dis is tha last time wizzy all homeboy 'n tha sizzay room like dis

ROXY: i thizzink its just incredible we cizzle be here in the fiznirst plizzay

ROXY: out of a sempiternal homeboy of possibilities we be tha onlizzle incarnation of dis exact specizzle moment 'n all of existence

RIZZLE: i think that we should all look around n be snoopa grateful for whiznat we

RIZZLE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': wh... what we

ROXY: I'm steady rappin. wh... whizna...

ROXY: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. whoah fizzuck

Roxy’s vizzay starts ta crack. Shizze stagga off tha podium, clutch'n ha bloated stomach.

CIZZLE: roxy? be yoU okay wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?

ROXY: of courze im not ok i just WENT INTO FREAK'N LABOR

JIZZY: oh mah god!

Jiznohn scrambles to his feet.

JOHN: oh mah god! Wussup in the house.

JOHN: it’s happen'n, oh mah gizzay!!

JOHN: ...

JIZNOHN droppin hits: oh mah GOD!!!

RIZZLE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. omg jizzohn be yizzle just gonna kizzy blunt-rollin' oh mah god or are you GONNA HELP YO' WIFEY OUT

JOHN: OH MAH GIZNOD!!!!!

John stumbles up tha sizzy ta tha pulpit, holding his heezee wit bizzoth hands. It’s actizzle Jizzay, still dutifully chillin' next ta tha corpze, whizno catches roxy crack tha armpits when she topples backwards. He passes ha off ta Jizzy, whizzle whips up a cushion of wiznind fo` ha ta reclizzle on.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: do'n ok there, sweetheart droppin hits?

ROXY: ugh whyd i let you pizzy dis th'n inside me

JOHN: diznon’t worry roxy from tha streets of tha L-B-C! we’ll git it out as soon as we cizzay! Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JIZNOHN so bow down to the bow wow! a, by “it,” i mean our child.

JIZZOHN: we probably shouldn’t be talk'n 'bout him 'n dehumaniz'n T-to-tha-izzerms before he’s even bizzle, huh?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: seems lizzle kind of a bad omen? Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

ROXY: omg.......... john SHUT UP

ROXY: i nee' L-to-tha-izzike six gallons of demerizzle STAT

ROXY: lets GOOO

JIZNOHN: rizzy! Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. go'n fo' sho'!

John swoops his wizzle up in his arms n starts ridin' dizzle the aisle.

CALLIOPE: Recognize the realness. wait! i...

CALLIOPE: i woUld like ta be there as wiznell!

JOHN: hurry up then!

Calliope begins bangin' afta John n Roxy biznut doesn’t make it twizzle steps before sum-m sum-m stizzops ha 'n ha triznacks. A feeling that crawls unda ha exoskeleton. Shizne stands deathlizzle stizzay fo` a moment, and T-H-to-tha-izzen turns ta face tha coffin. Sum-m sum-m 'bout tha corpze hizzas transfixed homey. She cizzay rappa finga arizzle tha rim of tha cizzle n leans 'n, study'n teen-Jade’s peacizzle face.

Suddenlizzle, tha corpze bolts upright. Calliope yelps n falls on baller butt. Adult-Jade screams.

JIZZADE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: By jizzle!

DIZZAVE: Holla! jesus fuck

Hizzle veil'n ha face, teen-Jade sizzets drug deala hands on ha chizzay n dissolves tha shizzay bisect'n ha ribcage n we out! Tha wound does not heal, but it diznoesn’t blee' eitha.

CALLIOPE: jizzay! yoU...

CALLIOPE: yizzay alive!

CALLIOPE yaba daba dizzle: or, Um,

CALLIOPE: yoU’re not dead!

It takes tha corpze a whizzle ta reply. Evizzle waits fo` bitch ta S-P-to-tha-izzeak. Whizzen tha words leave ha miznouth, thizzle send a chill thrizzough tha cathedrizzle air.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: i be not jade ya feelin' me?

Slowly, Jade raizes poser heezee. Tha stizzay makeup Roxy apply earlia be runn'n down ha face 'n dark riva. Wanna be gangsta eyes be solid black. Even more T-H-to-tha-izzan blizzle, it S-to-tha-izzeems. They be hollows bustin' D-to-tha-izzeep into a field of absence so profound, it’s hard ta imagine a single photon hizzle homie crosze' through its infinite expanze. Meet'n brotha G-to-tha-izzaze be like peering into a rizzay W-H-to-tha-izzere lizzight gizzle to die sho nuff. Calliope finds tha sensizzle disturbingly familiar.

CALLIOPE to increase tha peace: thizzay whizzay... Bounce wit me.

CALLIOPE: Snoop du jour ! wizzy be yizzle?

JIZNADE: you knizzle who i be, calliope paper'd up.

JADE: we mizzy once, years ago.

JIZZY: you were dead, n so was i so bow down to the bow wow!

Calliope now understands exactly who be speak'n ta ha. She tenzes up, scuttles backward, n begins tumbl'n dizzown tha stairs into thizzay aisle. She starts hatin' before shizzay evizzle up on both fizzeet, claw'n tizzy carpet ragge' 'n ha desperation ta escizzle tha cathedral paper'd up. Tha congregation watches ha go, biznut no one mizzles ta help homeboy, or evizzle looks 'n ha direction. 'n her wake, she leaves a prizzle, echo'n wiznail and my money on my mind. Tha door clozes thunderouslizzle behind ha hittin that booty. Her scrizzle ciznan be heard beyond tha doors, grow'n quieta as shizzay recedizzles into tha distizzle.

Kanaya adjusts tha buttons on ha vizzle fashizzle mourn'n gloves n sighs.

KANAYA: Dis Certainly Be A Tizzy Of Events

ARADIA: Im crazy, you can't phase me. ill say

ARADIA: at first i wizzy underwhelmed wit tha proceed'n i hiznave ta admit

ARADIA: bizzay that was quite tha twiznist

ARADIA: dis may be one of tha best dizzeath related celebrations ive eva seen fo yo bitch ass:)

SOLLUX: t0p five at least now pass.

Tizzle floats out of hizzer coffin wit measurizzle G-R-to-tha-izzace. Adult-Jade shudda as ha reanimated duplizzle paszes by. Shizne slizzles back into Kanizzles comfort'n arms n hides ha face 'n tha crook of ha nizzle. Drop it like its hot. Teen-Jade dirizzles rappa pitch-black eyizzles toward tha archizzle mizzle trippin', n gizzles skyward witta sort of intensity n purpoze nobody 'n dis criznowd has seen 'n years. It’s as if hizzay glare be pass'n through tha R-to-tha-izzoof of the chuch n continuing unimpeded through tha partitizzles of dis verizzle plane of realitizzle itself.

JADE: you’re undoubtedly surprize'.

JIZNADE: but theze evizzles wizzle not unpredictable at all.

JADE: dis be exactlizzle what i have been expect'n ta happen.

Shizne spreads ha arms n speaks in a voice as deep n diznark as tha void if you gots a paper stack.

JADE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: n while i cannot siznay tha same th'n fo` tha rest of yizzou,

JADE: i, at least, be exactly where i am meant to be. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

Jizzy meekly raizes his H-to-tha-izzand, now treat'n tha botchizzle funeral as sum-m sum-m closa ta a classroom sett'n.

JAKE like a fucka: Hizzle uh.

JAKE: Not ta come off as a total idiot here but ya dig?

JIZZY: Bounce wit me. Wizzy wizzy yizzou supposizzle ta be again bitch ass?

She directs the powizzle vacuum of poser hollow glare towards the total idizzle. She rizzles hizzay fo` a moment, radiating a senze of dizzle fo` what may very wizzle be tha greatest liv'n source of ignorizzle shizne hizzy brotha encizzle 'n bitch mizzle eons of existence.

JADE: mah name be calliope.

JIZZY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: i be tha muze of space in tha fuckin club.

JADE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. n i hizzay entered this bodizzle ta protizzle yo' world.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c21

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umnachtung · 3 years

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survey stealing prof at the lose again

questions taken from @in-love-with-a-trans-girl

Achievements: Got higher education, studied Game Design and graduated with very good results. Haven’t done a murder yet, that’s good, right?

Age: 28 goblin years

Are you planning something right now? planning a painting for my parent’s bed room, surviving the current pandemic. loosey gooesy planning on getting a job??

Arizona or Alaska: both got cool landscape. I’m probably more likely to enjoy Alaska climate tho.

Birthdate: 3rd of March, 1993

Build: average height, sturdy(?)

Babies, do you have any? Does my cat count?

Blonde or Brunette: I’m naturally blonde but dye my hair a lot. <- same

Childhood sweetheart: thats too straight for me.

Current mood: Okay? Trying to wake up properly still.

Children, are there more in your future? More cats, probably. And mind children, aka original characters for drawing and roleplaying. I don’t see myself as an actual parent.

Coke or Pepsi: neither. I don’t drink that.

Dad’s name: Andreas.

Dating anyone: Nay.

Do you plan on having lots of money? Not planning on but wouldn’t it be nice?!

Dogs or cats: cats. dogs are cute too, tho.

Elementary School: the start of getting bullied

Eye color: Green <- same

Ever going to China? probably not.

Early or Late: Late.

First Crush: My BFF, I guess?

Fears: heights, phone calls and emails, embarrassing myself, failure, no progress and being stuck in life

Future goals: move out, get a job, and stop being so fuckin’ emo

Funny or Serious: Alas I am a clown.

Grandparent’s names: I don’t remember, but my dad’s mom was refered to as Oma Katze.

GPA: 2,4 in Abitur, but who cares? it’s a freakin number.

Going anywhere this weekend? Maybe to a friend’s place to give her something.

Giver or Taker: Both. Life has to be balanced. <- agreed

High School: Lord have Mercy and Jesus take the Wheel.

Hair color: dark red, done with henna.

Hate anyone for life? Anyone who hurt and wronged my friends.

Hairspray or Gel: Pomade because I’m a 50s rocknroll boy.

In 8th grade, who was your best friend? Selena and Abelina

Is ignorance bliss? Sometimes?

Is there anything you wanna share? I would love to share rich people’s money with the rest of the world.

Ice Cream or Cake: Cake.

Jumped rope for fun: As a kid, yes. IDK if I still know how to do it.

Junk around you right now? The usual desk clutter, also my trash bin?

Joining anything anytime soon? Not that I am aware of.

January or July: January if there is proper snow. July if it is not too hot.

Killed anyone: Only with my killer jokes.

Keeping a secret? Ain’t we all?

Kicking someone off your top friends today? What is this? a USA High School Drama?

Kiwi or Apple: Kiwi.

Lost anyone close to you: Not really. My cat was probably the closest thing dear to me that I ever lost. R.I.P. Kaveri <3 <- same, RIP Nera

Last kiss, when and who: IDFK. It’s been 87 years

List 3 people that you’ll love forever: Nicole, Rhoda, Abelina I supposeee? 3 is not enough lmao.

Lover or Fighter: I will kick your ass, I will kick my own ass.

Middle School: Jesus took the Wheel.

Marital Status: None of your business.

Mom’s name: Allexandra

Music or TV: Music, what is this the early 2000s?

Northernmost state you’ve been to: Ostsee/ Nordsee. :,D

Nickname: Toni, Prof

Name your future boy and girl: Felix or Caspar, Sam(antha) or Artemis(?)

Naughty or Nice: Bastard wi th a cause.

Opened a piece of mail that wasn’t yours? Yeah, but it’s usually like, advertisment stuff for my parents and nothing personal.

Occupation: disgusting unemployed parasite who doesnt contribute to society and capitalism, aka artist.

Owe anyone money: Don’t believe so.

Outgoing or Shy: Depends on the person.

Place you most want to be? Anywhere in nature, away from the city. Preferable near water.

Purposely destroyed someone’s life? Waste of time and energy tbh.

Planning a major trip? Nope. It’s pandemic time, baby.

Pink or Black? Black. <- same

Quit a class: Does only showing up to the final exam count?

Quickly…the first word to come to mind: Help

Quitting your job soon? No job to quit here.

Quiet or Loud: Quiet. <- yas, queen

Riding in an airplane: Annoying as fuck. There is nothing to do and you cant really get up and moving.

Ride, tell me about yours: public transport is my steed.

Running for any political office in the future? Running them over with my public transport steed.

Rain or Snow: Snow. <- heck yay

Siblings names and ages: Mona, 29

Shoe size: EU 39 <- same

Shave daily? nope.

Shower or Bath: Bath, can’t really shower comfortable in the bathroom here.

Turning 21 was (will be): I don’t even remember that year.

Texas, ever been? No, not interested tbh.

Think you’ll live to be 100? no.

Tame or Wild: Depends on who you ask.

Unique quality about you: Uhhhhhh....idk.

Underwear on? Yeah, it’s too cold to go comando.

Under your bed lies: A portion of my room.

Under or Over: I take the ground below you.

Virgin? Protip: stay one so you have access to virgin blood for your rituals.

Vacation time left? lol

Voting in the next Presidential election? No president where I live. <- same but gonna vote in the next election

Volleyball or Swimming: Swimming!!!! <3 <3 <- same, let me live my wet dreams

Went white water rafting? That looks dangerous.

Wearing right now: PJs, pink-green striped t shirt and green flower pattern lounge pants

Write a sentence about you: Toni transports thousands of trolls through the training track.

West Coast or East Coast: Weizentoast.

X-Rays in the past month: I think my jaw at the dentist?

X-Mas plans: NO, ITS TO EARLY: PLEASE STOP.

X, does it mark the spot? On Maps probably.

X-Tina or Britney? Christina has better songs imo. Wish Britney could do what she wanted in life tho.

You lost “it” when? I am about to fuckin’ lose it every second now.

Your favorite song: Tool - Parabola

Your favorite place on Earth: Not been to enough places yet.

Yes or No: No.

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Zippos are neat, agree? Yes.

Zoo or Circus: Zoo.

#survey

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indigozeal · 7 years

Text

Was browsing through old LiveJournal stuff and came across this meme about naming one game you like for every letter of the alphabet. Thought I’d give it a go without looking at my old nine-year-old post:

Angelique Retour Baten Kaitos Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia D4 Eternal Darkness Final Fantasy IV Golden Axe Hellnight Ib Jeopardy!, on an old Apple II King's Quest III Lunar: Strolling School Mass Effect: Andromeda (yes, I liked it) Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors Oxenfree Phantasy Star II Qix Resident Evil 3 Silent Hill 4 Terranigma Ultima: Quest of the Avatar Valis III The World Ends with You Yume Nikki Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

Nothing for X, alas. (ETA: I’m sorry; I missed Xenogearsagabladechroniclesx. I was too busy with I was too busy with Lunar Legend: Harmony of the Silver Star Story Complete Touch.) I also think my choice for E was better last time around. C was a pretty crowded letter: it could have gone to Clock Tower, Cook, Serve, Delicious, Centipede, Chrono Trigger, Chime... Likewise S, with Silent Hill 2, Secret of Mana, and Stories Untold.

#blog post

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nahh-sonn · 7 years

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rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I got tagged in this 7 years ago.. sorry for taking so long, life’s been crazy!

To all the peeps who tagged me you are v special to me, sorry for being a late ass bitch 🙃🙃🙃 @endlesslyjourneying @iamnew-here @hellobinch @signurture

a - age: 20

b - birthplace: Jacksonville, NC

c - current time: 7:25PM

d - drink you last had: Water bc ya girl was parched in this unnecessary fall heat

e - easiest person to talk to: My older sister, cause we have a very specific kind of banter/humor and we can only let it out 100% around each other

f - favorite song: I hate this question with a passion because I have commitment issues, but here's a playlist of my current vibes ala Bryan, because I live by my own rules:

OLLA by Jhene Aiko

Mi Gente by J Balvin

Issa Vibe by Kida Kudz

Girl by The Internet

While We’re Young by Jhene Aiko

No Limit by G-Eazy

What Lovers Do (feat. SZA) by Maroon 5

Best Part by Daniel Caesar

lil’ bit wrOng by Maty Noyes

U.N.I.T.Y by Queen Latifah

g - grossest memory: hmm.. i can’t remember anything crazy for this one tbh

h - horror yes or horror no: YES as long as I have someone to watch with, but I’m also the type of weak binch to cover my eyes/ears when I feel a jump scare coming

i - in love?: with myself, yes

j - jealous of people?: NEVER, I’m genuinely happy for other people’s success, what’s mine will be mine when it’s mine ya know?

l - love at first sight or should I walk by again?: I don’t believe in that, you can have physical attraction/interest at first sight. I personally feel nothing beyond that until I get to know someone, because there’s plenty of f boys and f girls out there wrapped in a pretty package.

m - middle name: Marie

n - number of siblings: 6!!

o - one wish: world peace

p - person you called last: my friend Jessi

q - question you are always asked: How old are you/What year are you? because I stopped aging at like 16, but I have the soul of a 50 year old man. I’m not mad at it though.

r - reason to smile: the sun on my skin, that sweet smell wood-fires have, my dog’s excitement when I come home, overcoming fears/challenges, connecting with people, and discovering new music

s - song you last sang: rockstar by Post Malone

t - time you woke up: 6:30AM bc my sleep cycle is on point this year, and I’ve fallen in love with watching the sun rise

u - underwear colour: black

v - vacation destination: anywhere with a beach nearby

w - worst habit: I bite my lips like nonstop when I’m stressed. It’s a real problem.

x - x-rays: I was gonna say no, then I remembered I almost got my front teeth knocked out in a freak basketball accident and had to get one for that.

f - favorite food: Cheese pizza. None, zero, (0) toppings, because I like to be the maximum amount of basic at all times

z - zodiac sign: pisces, please drag me about it

I tag: anyone who sees this and wants to do it, a lot of the people I would have tagged already did it 🤷🏽‍♀️

#about me #mine #me

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foreignergod · 7 years

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Sorry this is late i’m hella lazy and finals week has been kicking my ass. anyways i was tagged by my mumma @louisysl ily mumma!! 💘💘

RULES: Copy this into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours. When you are done, tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you…and most importantly, have fun!

A) Age: 16

B) Biggest fear: something really bad happening to either of my little sisters ((i was gonna say something dumb like clowns but this is the genuine answer))

C) Current time: 6:04 pm

D) Drink you last had: water ((i’ve been sipping on my water bottle all day it’s hot as balls out))

E) Every day starts with: snoozing my alarm, going to the bathroom, checking my messages and tumblr

F) Favorite song atm: well the one song that’s always my fav is All I Want by Kodaline. But besides that the current song i’m loving at the moment is Believer by Imagine Dragons

G) Ghosts, are they real?: depends on what you mean by “ghosts.” but i deffo think that spirits of some sort are definitely real ((horror is my fav genre for a reason))

H) Hometown?: tiny little speck of a town in NY that’s fairly close to NYC

I) In love with?: Andi is for sure expecting me to say Justin Bieber ((and ok that’s not technically a lie)) but i’m gonna go ahead and say that my one true love is the literary masterpiece Young & Beautiful by @mizzwilde.

J) Jealous of?: people who are truly confident in themselves and who really don’t care what other people think of them

K) Killed someone: no…???

L) Last time you cried: little while ago whilst reading a fic

M) Middle name: Elisabeth

N) Number of siblings: 2

O) One wish: i’m going to be real cliche and say world peace/tolerance and acceptance of all people because that’s the truth

P) Person you last texted/called: i literally just texted my friend Morgan about getting Harry tix

Q) Questions you are always being asked: my friends constantly ask me if i’m ok (but they ask it not because they’re worried about me because i say/do some weird ass shit and i think they’re confirming that i am in fact of sound mind and body)

R) Reasons to smile: Louis Tomlinson (duh) and also my amazing best friends

S) Song last sung: i’ve had Believer by Imagine Dragons stuck in my head all day so i’ve been singing that

T) Time you woke up: 9:15

U) Underwear color: welp currently i’m in pajamas so alas, no underwear is being worn, but the ones i wore today were gray

V) Verse from a song you like:

When you said your last goodbye I died a little bit inside I lay in tears in bed all night Alone without you by my side

W) Worst habit: i procrastinate…. a lot

X) X-rays you’ve had: only one; for my right hip last spring track season when i hurt it badly

Y) Your favorite food: my mom’s twice baked potatoes or my grandma’s cream puffs

Z) Zodiac sign: taurus

I’m tagging my loves @larryandgaystuff @what-does-one-affects-the-other @another-dreamless-girl @birbalmighty @thesonoflarry @geeslouisee

also my nicies @bangpayne @the-unwanted-losers @oliviatracknine @fratnaddy @harryisabean @iconic-harry

love you all v v much!! 💖💖

#tag games

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alltherosesandthorns-blog · 7 years

Text

02/06/18

3:28AM

Hello word,

My name is R. I’ve just started this blog because as I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, anger and frustration boiling inside of me, I realized I need a place to vent. That sounds stupid and selfish but it’s true. It’s nearly 4 AM, and J is sitting on the floor of my room, hunched over his phone, typing away and doing God knows what. I’ve been trying to get him to come to bed for over an hour and he said he would. First he needed to try and shoot up four separate times (missed the shot on all of them and is now half sick, half high). Then he had to go shower despite the fact that my entire family is sleeping and he’s not supposed to be here. And now here he is, typing away at his stupid phone and ignoring the fact that all I want to do is fool around with him in a desperate attempt to pretend that we are a normal couple, and then go the fuck to sleep because I have stuff to do tomorrow.

All of this probably sounds ridiculous and whiny and thoroughly unavoidable but it’s not. I met J two years ago and if you had told me that this is how things would be now, I would have been completely and utterly shocked. He was so normal. He was everything I had ever dreamt of in a guy. Older, hard working, sweet, kind, hilariously funny, intelligent, family oriented, and not to mention really fucking handsome. We met at work and I knew right away he was someone that was going to end up meaning a lot to me. And I was right, he did. The first six months of our relationship were magic. I had never been so happy in my life. When people asked what was so different about me and J all I could say was that his heart understood mine. He was my best friend, and I loved him with everything in me. But J had demons. Demons that I didn’t know about, that I don't think he even knew about and when they finally made their way to the surface of his being, they dug their claws into him HARD.

He’d been in a physically and emotionally (fuck this is annoying he has now decided to pick himself up off the floor to try and see what I’m typing and is now trying to fidget with nothing and read what I’m doing at the same time so I have to keep minimizing my window.....just kidding he’s back on the floor) relationship before we met with a total fucking psycho. Like everyone has a “psycho” ex but this bitch is next level. She’s the “you have to be with me or I’m gonna kill myself”- fakes being pregnant- has been arrested for violence against others several times- has literally tried to stab him- type of psychotic bitch. And she’s a massive, massive drug addict. Heroin, meth, you name it.

I’m still not really sure what happened. J and I broke up very briefly and in that time, total fucking psycho....we’ll call her TFP... pulled one of her “if you don’t come to me right now I’m going to kill myself and leave a note telling everyone it was your fault and that you abused me (which didn’t happen) and J’s dumb ass fell for it yet again and then the next thing I knew, J was gone. Like J had been body snatched and was totally gone. He turned into a total fucking asshole, like someone I didn’t even know. And I knew something was weird about him but never in my wildest dreams did I think that TFP had gotten him hooked on meth and heroin. But alas, that’s exactly what happened. And here we are, a year and a half later and J is sitting on my floor in his underwear, fiddling with an old broken phone, and not paying attention to anything except the old broken phone. Oh and his needles, which he has now pulled back out and begun to poke at himself with again. Well....this probably sounds crazy right now because there’s a solid year and a half of stuff missing. Well essentially the whole story is missing, but to type that out would take forever. At some point I will because right now I just look like an idiot for staying with J and for tolerating this because “I don’t have to”. There’s so much more to it than that. J is still my best friend. I really believe he’s one of the greatest people I know. And I love him more than I thought it was possible to love someone. But every day I am afraid for him. Every day he goes further and further down the rabbit hole and the person I know he is underneath the bullshit disappears more and more and I am so fucking terrified, it’s unreal. Every text that goes unanswered, every call that gets missed, I’m literally afraid that he’s dead. And with the stuff he’s fucking with, that’s not even that much of a long shot. So even though he’s pissing me the fuck off right now with this tweaker, slammer shit, I can’t even be that mad because at least he’s here with me and I know that he’s okay. And even as I type that, I realize how insanely fucked that is.

I probably sound insane. I swear I’m not. Like I said.....I just really need to vent.

#blog #drugs #addict #love #relationships #relationshipproblems #help #venting #lovesucks #loving an addict

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