#but a review nonetheless

[oddinary4bts]

Yes Jo I entirely binge-read this fic in one sitting, except when I had to bring the puppy outside hahaha. It’s my apology for not being able to review your fic Sit. Stay for bookclub bc I already reviewed it😅 (everyone, please go read Sit. Stay, it’s entirely worth it! It’s a seokjin one shot that left me way too soft for our world wide handsome).

Nowwwww. About Complete Faith. Gosh😭 it was so good from start to end. Taehyung was so, so real and relatable to me (as I told you and no, I’m not lying under my bed). Because I had complete faith in you, jo, and you didn’t disappoint. You never do, for real, everything you write is just so so good and I feel blessed whenever I get the chance to read you

The slowly falling in love, the fear, the backing away when you shouldn’t be backing away.. it was touching and heart-wrenching at the same time and I just wished I could knock some sense into OC🥲 I’m so glad they found their way together in the end, bc I gotta admit I was starting to be a little scared hahaha

And also? That bit with her mom apologizing (sorta) to her and telling her how it might be affecting her relationship with tae?? I cried!! I legit cried😭

And even before all of that, the whole weekend away had me so soft. I think that, most of all, is my favourite trope ever and you wrote it so well. Like how everything feels different when you go away, as if life’s not the same. And then when you come back you feel the difference, and you managed to write that into the fic so brilliantly too

No seriously, this whole series was so good and it deserves a lot more love so everyone, please go check it out. It flows super well, you get some drabbles in tae’s pov, you get angst, you get fluff, you get real, what more could you ask for?? You’d be doing yourself a favor by reading it if I do say so myself😌

Thank you for writing such a beautiful story Jo❤️

Chapter 10: Complete Faith || KTH

(banner by @itaeewon)

Title: Complete Faith (Masterpost)

Pairing: Taehyung x female reader; {background SJ x OC, mentions of YG x OC, and HS x OC}

Rating: Soft R overall, this chapter: soft R

Wordcount: 50k total; this chapter: 5563

Summary: It’s Taehyung himself who admits that it’s usually around the one-month mark that he starts to lose interest in his relationships. So even though you’re so drawn to him you can barely stand it… when you start dating, you feel like you’ve got an expiration date from day one. But will it be Taehyung’s issues that get in the way, or your own?

Alternate summary: coworkers to friends to lovers to idiots to lovers again

TW/CW: Full list on the Masterpost. This chapter: strong language, alcohol consumption, some Jane Austen yearning shit, kissing, groping, a little dancefloor grinding, depiction of a panic attack, the fic is over you need a warning for that :((((

Notes: This fic is complete and will be updated every Friday evening (EDT timezone). A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to @kookstempo for the amazing beta job tytytytyty!

Chapter 10: Complete Faith

Nikki comes to get ready for the club in your room, letting the boys hang out and drink beer with Seokjin in theirs. She begs and needles you until you give in and let her dress you for the club. She chooses a black dress out of several that she packed. You’d never have picked it for yourself, but you have to admit it looks good – it hugs your ass in a way that makes you feel like you need to put a whole fucking cape over it to hide, but Nikki swears it looks amazing. You sit in front of the mirror and let her have her way with your hair and make-up.

“Don’t you think this is a little much?” you ask her when she’s done. She’s humming happily as she works on her own make-up.

“You look great,” she says. “Too much does not apply right now. I’m honestly feeling jealous, so be nice to me. I’m the birthday girl, I’m supposed to be the hot one.”

You roll your eyes at her hyperbole. But you eye yourself in the mirror again, pleased.

You dig through her bags to find jewelry and shoes. Eventually, you all meet downstairs to get Ubers out to the club Nikki chose. Of course your eye goes straight to Taehyung in the lobby, how could it not? He looks phenomenal, curls loose around his eyes, black button-down tucked into black jeans, a simple silver chain dipping beneath the collar, one silver hoop earring swinging every time he moves.

You look away quickly, trying to engage someone – anyone – in conversation before you get caught staring. You find Jimin, who you feel like is making more of an effort with you since your talk earlier in the week.

“Holy shit,” he says to you, looking you up and down.

“It’s my birthday present to Nikki,” you tell him, smiling. “I was not allowed to tell her no to any fashion decisions for tonight.”

Jimin shakes his head and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like Poor Tae. 

You take two Ubers, and you end up crammed between Taehyung and Seokjin, with Nikki mostly in Seokjin’s lap but really half in yours too. At one point, the Uber takes a sharp turn and you all slide, laughing. Taehyung steadies you with a hand on your waist, but he pulls it back quickly, muttering an apology.

Inside, the lights are so dim it almost seems like a complete black-out until your eyes adjust. The music is so loud, it’s clear to you immediately that you won’t be conversing with anyone tonight. The boys head over towards the tables to see if they can find space, and you and Nikki head to the bar first. You get a tray of shots and make your way to the table the boys found, passing them out until everyone has one.

“To Nikki!” you yell, and everyone echoes you, throwing the shots back. You and Nikki each take a second one, bumping them together.

“Let’s dance!” she screams, and takes you by the wrist. You follow her out to the dancefloor, ready to lose yourself in the bass, in the burn of alcohol in your throat.

–

Hours pass like seconds and you lose track of drinks, lose track of guys you’ve danced with, their hands on your hips. The current song ends and you detach yourself from whoever he is and you start to head to the table to catch your breath when you notice Taehyung across the club. He’s standing a few feet from the table, looking in your direction. His brows are furrowed, face frowning. A cute blonde girl is trying to talk to him, but he’s not even looking at her.

Your eyes meet. Your heart sinks, your stomach swoops, and you almost stumble. You freeze, trying to get it together. He has no right, you tell yourself. He has no right to stand there and look at you like that. You’re here to have fun, here to celebrate Nikki, so fuck him. Instead of going back to the table as planned, you turn and push further into the crowd on the dance floor, swinging your hips and raising your hands as the beat starts for the next song.

You know it’s Taehyung’s body behind yours without even looking when he comes up behind you. His hands on your waist, his smell, his chest against your back, the way one hand practically holds you by a hipbone, pulling you back into his hips as you move to the music - it’s all so familiar you don’t even need to check. You close your eyes and lean your head back against him as you dip together, following his guidance when the beat changes up.

Then you’re turning, facing him, body still moving, and he’s got both hands on your ass, and you tangle one hand in his hair without thinking – your hand’s got a mind of its own - and then his mouth is on yours, searing.

You’ve wanted this for months and you’re kissing him hard, desperate. You’re drunk and you’ve missed him, and god he’s so hot. You’re still swaying to the beat as you kiss, as he slides one hand away from your ass and holds the back of your neck instead, holding you in place as your mouths open for each other. He’s hard almost immediately, and you’re trying to give him as much friction as you can as subtly as you can as you roll your hips to the beat, and he groans – not that you can hear it, but you can feel it reverberate through his chest into the hand you’re resting there.

He breaks away from the kiss and moves up your jaw, stopping to whisper in your ear, “Jesus Christ, never let Nikki dress you again. Never.”

You laugh, and this breaks the spell enough for you to step back. He looks at you questioningly, but you shake your head and take another step back, heading… you don’t know where. Just away. He steps forward, and you step back again, keeping the distance. “Don’t,” you say to him, knowing he can’t hear you at all, but he can read your lips perfectly. “Please don’t.”

Everything is suddenly crashing in on you, making it hard to breathe - everything your mom said, the reality that you’ve been hurting and pushing away people who loved you, how badly you’ve missed Taehyung, the heartbreak of losing him after falling fucking in love with him over the summer, how wonderful it felt to have him under your hands again -

Falling in love with him over the summer…

The whole room seems to swing sideways, and you clutch a stranger’s table for purchase as these words seem to blare through your consciousness. Your arms and legs are starting to tingle, starting at your fingers and toes. As you gasp for breath, the buzzing spreads up your arms and legs, closing in on your chest. You need air. You need quiet. You need to sit the fuck down. 

Desperately, you make it through the crowd to the edge of the room, and then push your way outside. Everything seems somehow not real, too far away. You make your way over to some concrete steps a few doors down, sitting heavily. You can feel yourself gasping for each breath. The buzzing is aggressive, unignorable, and it’s reached your shoulders and your stomach. You feel sure that if it reaches your chest, your heart will fucking stop.

You’re taking deep, shuddering breaths into your hands, trying not to cry and wreck your makeup, when you hear someone call your name.

“Y/N, hey!” Then, as he comes closer and sees your face in your hands, your shoulders shaking – “Baby… are you okay?” He’s crouching in front of you, holding your wrists gently, trying to see your face.

You lose it at baby. It’s fucking over. You swear you can feel it happen when your heart absolutely shatters into dust. You’re breathing only in loud, desperate gasps and they echo in your ears. You can barely hear anything else. He pulls you to stand and wraps you up in his arms, holding you tight as you try to suck in air, try to get your head to stop spinning. You close your eyes and lean your forehead against his chest, the buzzing taking over your entire body. You’re sure you’re dying, sure this is a heart attack.

“Breathe,” he whispers to you. Then, “More slowly. Try.”

You work on counting as you breathe in, hold it, let it out slowly.

“You’re okay,” he tells you quietly, smoothing down your hair. “I’ve got you. You’re fine.”

It takes a while, but things stop spinning bit by bit, the buzzing in your limbs melting away from your chest, down to your elbows, slowing to a tingle before fading altogether.

When you’re breathing more like a normal person again, he peers at you, his wavy hair obscuring one of his eyes as his head tilts.

“Do you have all of your stuff?” he asks. “Can I help you back to the hotel?”

You nod, and he pulls out his phone to get an Uber. You don’t speak on the ride back, but he keeps an arm around your shoulders, helping you stay upright.

He helps you back into your room, where you sit on the end of the bed, looking at him blankly. He fishes in the mini-bar and hands you a water bottle.

“You better drink all of that,” he advises. After watching you drink some, he sits in the chair by the desk. “What the hell happened? You just had too much to drink?”

You shake your head. “Not more than any other time I’ve gone out with Nikki,” you say, and your voice sounds cracked and raw, like you’ve screamed all night. “ I don’t really know what happened. I just… had an intense day, I guess. It kind of caught up with me. I felt like I was dying.”

“I guess I didn’t help with that,” he says, apologetically.

You let out a single laugh. “I think if we’re being honest, I started it.”

He stands, wiping his hands on his slacks. “You’re okay now? You don’t feel sick or anything?”

You shake your head. “No,” you say. “Sorry for… I don’t even know what to call it. Sorry for freaking out? You should go back and have fun.”

“It’s fine,” he says, waving a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. The others are on their way back anyway, Jimin just texted me.”

“Okay,” you say. “Thanks for the rescue. I know you probably… didn’t really want to do that. You always do the nice thing.”

He looks at you for a long time, then shakes his head. “Sometimes, I just don’t understand you,” he says, not unkindly, just speaking his truth.

“Yeah,” you say, laying back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “That makes two of us.”

He lets out a tiny laugh and heads for the door. “Y/N,” he calls as he opens it. You look over at him from where you’re still laying back on the bed. “I mean it… don’t ever let Nikki dress you ever again. Seriously.”

You wake up the next morning feeling like absolute shit. Your eyes are barely open as you make your way into the bathroom and crank the shower on. You stand below the water, letting it remove the curls Nikki worked so hard on last night, letting the water carry everything away.

When you’re dressed, your wet hair wrapped up in a towel, there’s a knock at your door. You don’t know who to expect, honestly – it could be any of the crew, Taehyung included. But Nikki stands there, holding a tray with two large coffees.

“Oh my god, my savior,” you tell her, opening the door wide. She hands you one of the coffees immediately.

As you drown yourself in caffeine (and pop a few Advil for the headache), she sits on the end of the bed, looking at you carefully. “Y/N,” she says finally. “What happened last night?”

“I kissed Taehyung,” you confess, because even though you had a lot of shit happen in one day, that’s the big one.

“Taehyung kissed you,” she corrects. “We all saw it. I’m talking about what happened after that.”

You sigh. You want today to be about Nikki, but since the event hasn’t started yet, maybe you can get your issues out of the way quickly. You give her a rundown of what happened at your mom’s house.

“Wow,” she says, eyes wide. “I mean… I think that makes sense.”

“I know,” you admit. “As soon as she said it, I was like yep, sounds like me. I just… couldn’t see it myself. So I had that in my head the whole drive here, just like… wow. And then, Taehyung is here and that’s messing with my head, and here I am trashed in this club and my brain has zero coherent thoughts except that I fucking love him-.”

Nikki squeals.

“Oh my god, stop,” you lament. “It’s not a happy thing! He hates me!”

“Y/N,” she says flatly. “Let’s look at the facts, since that’s all you care about. Fact One: Taehyung was losing his mind watching you dance with other guys. Fact Two: Taehyung could not keep his eyes or hands off you once he got the chance. Fact Three: Taehyung kissed you first. Fact Four: when you left, Taehyung followed you outside and got you home safe. That’s not hate.”

You don’t answer, mulling this over.

“Okay,” she says. “So I got the stuff with your mom, and you had a revelation about Taehyung, then what happened? What happened outside?”

You explain how things had felt – the spinning, the tingling, the feeling like you couldn’t breathe.

“That’s about how my sister describes panic attacks,” Nikki muses thoughtfully. “Maybe you had one?”

You frown. “That’s never happened to me before.”

She shrugs. “First time for everything. Maybe if it happens again, talk to your doctor?”

You nod.

“I think you need to tell Taehyung,” she says finally. “I mean, if you’re asking for my advice, which technically I guess you didn’t. But if you were… I’d say tell him.”

“How do you do it?” you ask her suddenly, reaching out for her hand. She looks at you, confused. “You’ve done this with Seokjin. You made it through the scary part to the part where you just… are. How do you do it? How do you get through the uncertainty?”

She smiles at you. “Trust,” she says simply. “Take it one day at a time and ask yourself, do I trust him today? You choose each other every day.”

You take a deep breath, looking away. “I wasn’t this scared with Ben,” you admit.

She hesitates, then says gently, “I don’t think the stakes were as high with him. Plus, you hadn’t been hurt before, and now you have. But at the end of the day, do you trust Taehyung?”

You both know the answer.

You shake your head at yourself, at your own nonsense. “Of course I do,” you tell her.

She shrugs again, as if it’s all so simple. “Then step up. He’s right here. What’s stopping you?”

--

The picnic is adorable. The sun shines bright above you, glittering off the river. You luck out in terms of weather, and it feels unseasonably warm as long as the sun is on you. The two picnic tables your group commandeered are covered in white tablecloths, and someone has set up a Bluetooth speaker on one of them. Groups of balloons are tied to each table, and they bob in the wind. More people came up for the picnic – the club was for the tight crew only.

The tables are laden with trays of food and a giant birthday cake that reads Happy Halfway to 50!

Of course that was Seokjin’s doing.

Some of the guys throw around a frisbee, Taehyung included. You sit with Nikki and Ji-hyun, chatting and laughing.

Sometime around noon, Seokjin calls for everyone’s attention. Nikki blushes immediately, thinking this is going to be a happy birthday moment.

You all gather to hear what he has to say.

“Hello to our friends and family,” he says, smiling around at the small crowd. “As you know, today is a special day, because Nikki has turned twenty-five!”

Everyone cheers and claps, and Nikki smiles big.

“However,” Seokjin says loudly, so the noise dies back down, “there’s another reason I asked everyone to be here today. You are all so important to us, I wanted to make sure you were here to give us your love and support on the day that I ask Nikki to be my wife.”

Nikki’s eyes are wide, her hands over her mouth, as Seokjin kneels.

“Nikki,” he says seriously, voice quieter now, so that you have to strain to hear. “You are by far the absolute light of my life. You are the sun in my days, forever reminding me to see the things that are good around me. Without you, I’d be wandering in the dark.”

As you listen, your eyes find Taehyung across the circle. He’s watching you too, face unreadable. The moment seems to stretch, and you’re aware only of Taehyung’s brown eyes, the sorrow you imagine you can see in them. You wish you were standing closer, you wish you could reach out and touch his hand.

Seokjin continues, “I am so lucky to wake up every day and get to call you mine, and I don’t want a single day to go by where that isn’t true. So, I am here today with our friends and families as witnesses, to ask you… will you marry me?”

Nikki screams something that might sound like yes and launches herself into Seokjin’s arms. He stands and spins her in a circle, both laughing, lost in the moment. Everyone cheers and claps.

Taehyung never takes his eyes off of you.

--

Later, after the birthday cake is cut and slices are passed around, after some of the crowd has started to filter out, you head back to your car to get Nikki’s birthday present out of your trunk.

Taehyung is in the parking lot, leaning against his own car, his phone in his hand.

“Hey,” you say, unlocking your car and opening the trunk. “Everything okay?”

He glances over at you, frowning a little. “Yeah,” he says. “Just got an update from my dad about what’s happening at home. I’ll probably have to go back pretty soon and give him a hand.”

“Your mom’s bad again?” you ask.

He shrugs. “Today, apparently. It might not be a full-scale attack again, especially so soon after that last one. Sometimes she just has… weird days. But it’s a lot of work for my dad. He could use a break.”

You nod in understanding. He jerks his head towards the box you’re taking out from the trunk. “What’d you get her?” he asks.

You grin. “Mr. and Mrs. coffee mugs and bathrobes,” you tell him. “Since I knew what was happening today.”

“What if she had said no?” he teases.

You laugh. You’ve missed this Taehyung, the teasing one, the one who made you laugh like no one else. “I guess I would’ve let Seokjin keep them as a condolence present,” you say.

You stand there, looking at each other. You have so much to say to him, but you don’t know if this is the time or place.

You don’t know if he wants to hear it in the first place.

Anyway, today is about Nikki.

“Thank you, by the way,” you say, “for helping me last night. Nikki thinks maybe I was having a panic attack? I’m not sure. I don’t know.”

He moves like maybe he’s going to reach for you, but stops.

“You’re welcome,” he says quietly. “It would have been pretty shitty of me just to leave you there like that.”

You shrug. “Maybe I deserved shitty.”

The memory of Taehyung, trashed on the floor of the hallway on Halloween, swims in your mind. That was your fault, for pushing him away the first time he wasn’t perfect. Your fault for expecting his failure from the beginning and refusing to give him an honest chance. Your fault for proving to him, once again, that he wasn’t worth fighting for. 

You’ve been carrying hurt and heartache since your breakup, yes, but you’ve been carrying your weight in guilt since Halloween night for causing that. The weight is so heavy on your chest that sometimes it feels hard to breathe. 

You did deserve “shitty”. You didn’t deserve even a fraction of the care and kindness Taehyung had shown you last night.

He looks at you, frown deepening. “I don’t think that. I hope you don’t think I feel that way, Y/N.”

You smile, a little sadly, but say nothing.

“I, uh,” he says, clearly unsure, “I also wanted to apologize for… kissing you. I was drinking, and you looked – I mean – I just shouldn’t have done that. It did not feel good to see you having an entire meltdown after. I felt like such an asshole for… playing with your head, I guess.”

Playing with your head. Did that mean he hadn’t meant anything by the kiss? Was he apologizing for getting your feelings involved, implying that his weren’t? You feel like the blood is rushing away from your face. You take a slow breath, hoping you can keep your voice steady.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry I was messing with you before that. I started everything. It was… extremely uncool of me.”

He shrugs. “Don’t worry about it.”

You nod, looking away. “See you at work, Taehyung,” you tell him, closing your car and walking away.

--

You end the afternoon hugging Nikki tightly, whispering to her how happy you are for her and Jin.

“Did you know?” she asks, accusatory.

“Girl,” you say with a laugh, “who do you think organized food and decorations? You think Seokjin managed that? Please. All he was responsible for was the ring and the cake.”

She shakes her head. “I knew that cake was all him.”

You admire the ring again. “I’m so happy for you,” you tell her, meaning it with your whole heart. “You’re both so lucky.”

She leans her head on your shoulder as you both watch the sun dip lower, reflected on the river. “I want you to have this, too,” she tells you. “Tell him, Y/N. I mean it: step up.”

You close your eyes, leaning your head on hers.

Taehyung isn’t at work on Monday, and that by itself is a little alarming. But it gets worse when you overhear your boss, two offices down from yours, say to someone, “Yes, Kim Taehyung in Accounting is a No Call, No Show today -.”

You jump up without thinking and hurry to knock on the door.

“I’m so sorry, I promise I wasn’t listening in, but I heard his name from my office – Kim Taehyung called the HR office this morning requesting use of an FMLA day today.”

It’s completely a lie, and you hope you won’t get caught in it.

Your boss frowns at you, then continues speaking into the phone, waving you away. “Apparently he called HR, so that’s one crisis averted today…”

You text Taehyung, letting him know so that he doesn’t call the office later and blow the lie. He sends you back just “ty”. You stare at it, feeling completely absolutely sure that something is wrong.

You grab your purse and stand, going back to your boss’s office that you had just left. “I have a family emergency,” you tell him. “I have to leave. I’ll put it in as a Sick Day.”

He looks at you blankly for a minute. You’ve done this once or twice – usually in the afternoon – when you needed to get Sierra, but you usually just brought her back with you and returned for the rest of the day.

“Will you be back?” he asks.

“Not today,” you say. “I’m really sorry. Thanks for understanding.”

You turn on your heel and go, zero regrets.

--

You’re still following only intuition when you pull up to Taehyung’s parents’ house. Sure enough, Taehyung’s car is in the driveway. You park and walk to the front door. You have never let yourself into someone’s home uninvited before but you bite back the urge to follow protocol and open the door.

You can hear crying, moaning, and the low timbre of Taehyung’s voice.

“Tae?” you call, and the noises all stop. He comes out of the room to the right of the entry, face pale and shocked.

“Why are you in my house right now?” he asks, and then waves a hand at you. “Never mind. Whatever this is, Y/N, I can’t do it right now. You need to go, now.”

“Taehyung,” you say, voice firm. “Let me help you.”

The crying begins again behind him and he turns automatically, like he’s tethered to the noise.

“Tae,” you whisper. “What’s going on? How can I help?”

“You can’t,” he snaps, but you stand firm, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

He sighs, giving in. “My dad got called in for a work emergency,” he explains quickly, still looking over his shoulder, not at you. “She can’t walk today. I’m trying to get her to the hospital.”

“She can’t walk?” you repeat.

“She could yesterday, this hasn’t happened in years,” he says. “I’m trying to get ahold of her neurologist to see if he can meet us at the hospital or-.”

“What else needs to happen?” you ask, in Problem-Solving mode.

He throws up his hands a little. “I need to get her dressed and in the car. It’s hard when she can’t – her whole left side just doesn’t move when she wants it to.”

“I’ll do it,” you say. “Will she let me? I’ll get her ready, you call the people you need to call. Then we can get her in the car together.”

He nods at this, already opening his phone. You enter the room behind him, which seems to be a sitting room just for his mother. She’s laying back on a bed, the television on but muted atop a dresser, holding her face and crying, moaning in pain.

“Good morning, Mrs. Kim,” you say quietly. “I’m Y/N, we met recently. I’m going to help you get dressed, okay?”

You help her into a sweatsuit, holding her weakened left side and lifting her up when needed. You locate a hairbrush and brush her hair back, pulling it out of her face into a low ponytail. You find sneakers and do that as well. She mumbles thanks at you at each step and you assure her it’s your pleasure to help.

“I’m sorry you’re in such bad pain,” you tell her. “What hurts? Your leg?”

“Headache,” she grits out, eyes closed.

When she’s ready, Taehyung picks her up and you gather the items she needs to bring – her purse, some paperwork – and handle opening the doors as they make their way through the house. He settles her in the front passenger seat and you climb in the back.

“I can take it from here,” he tells you, opening the driver’s door. “Thank you for the help, but you should go back to work.”

You shake your head no, not wanting to argue in front of his mom, and buckle your seatbelt. He visibly decides he’s too stretched thin to argue with you, and gets in the car.

At the hospital, you wait with Mrs. Kim in the car as Taehyung goes inside for a wheelchair. It takes both of you to get her out of the car, and then you head inside. Taehyung goes to talk to the receptionist. You think it will be a long time before you’re seen, but they get to Mrs. Kim pretty quickly. You stay in the waiting room while triage takes her back – Taehyung goes with her – but when they take her back to her own little room in the back, you follow.

She’s given pain medication for the headache, and the doctors order some scans to check out her brain activity and see if there are any new lesions – the “sclerosis”. Until the scan can take place, you’re just waiting. You sit quietly in the hard plastic chair, holding Mrs. Kim’s hand until she falls asleep, the pain medication hitting.

Taehyung returns from the hallway, where he’d been continuing to make calls. “They’ll send the scans to her neuro, but the neuro here on site will look first and talk to me about it. And my dad is leaving work in an hour, and he’ll come here.”

“Good,” you say quietly.

“You can go home,” he tells you. “You can take my car – I’ll just go home with my dad after he gets here.”

You shake your head again, standing to look at him. “I’ll leave when you leave,” you tell him seriously. He must hear the determination in your tone, because he doesn’t argue.

--

They don’t admit Mrs. Kim, so she gets to go home at the end of the day. The scans were done and results sent to the proper offices, and the on-site neurologist comes to tell you that no, she does not have a new lesion, the current symptoms must be caused by the last one. Mr. Kim takes her home after a fresh round of IV steroids and with a prescription in hand to tackle the excruciating headache.

Taehyung helps his father get her into the car, kissing them both on the cheek before they leave. Then he turns to you, looking exhausted and defeated.

“Let’s go to your place,” you say quietly. You smile a little as you say, “You can shower and nap, I’ll order food.” Just what he’d said to you after the night your mother had gone missing.

Lord, you were both such messes.

That’s exactly what you do; Taehyung showers and gets in bed, and you order delivery and entertain yourself out in the chair in your nook.

When Taehyung emerges from his room, wearing sweatpants and a rumpled white tee, the sun has set. He smiles at you sheepishly.

“Feel better?” you ask. “There’s take-out in your fridge.”

“Amazing,” he says, but he comes and plops on the couch, closing his eyes again. “What a fucking day.”

“I’m glad it’s somewhat under control now,” you say seriously.

He pats the spot next to him on the couch, eyes still closed. “C’mere,” he murmurs.

You do, instantly.

“Thank you for being there today,” he says, cracking one eye to look at you. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t shown up. That would have been a lot harder alone.”

You’re not sure if he means physically or emotionally. Maybe both. It doesn’t matter.

“Taehyung, I have something I need to say to you,” you tell him. You know he’s drained, but maybe it’s a little karma, since he did the same thing to you when it was your life crashing down around you. He uses the arm of the couch to pull himself up so he can pay attention.

“I’m all ears,” he says easily. The nap did him good.

You face him, steeling yourself, rehearsing the words you’d practiced all day on Sunday.

“Tae,” you start, “I want to apologize.” This gets his attention. He’s frowning, trying to figure out what you’ve done wrong. You continue, “I’m sorry for letting my fear be bigger than my trust.”

He’s understanding now, eyes widening as he listens.

“But I do trust you. I always did. I actually…” you swallow, looking at the floor, then back at him. You have to be brave. It’s your turn to be brave. “Fuck, I actually love you. I’ve loved you since the lake. I think I’ve loved you since you threw a water bottle at me after we fought.”

You laugh a little, and he’s just looking at you, eyes still wide. You push on. Whatever happens, at least he’ll know.

“I remember you telling me that no one ever fought for you, no one made you feel like you’re worth the fight.” You spread your hands before you, like saying here I am. “I’m fighting. I want to be with you. I want to choose to trust you every day. I want to choose to love you every day.”

He’s pulling you by the wrist across the couch and into his lap, hands going for your face as soon as you’re close enough. You straddle him happily, heart soaring, pulse racing, as he kisses you again and again.

Later, after he picks you up and carries you into his bedroom, after you lay together gasping for breath, he whispers, “I want all of those things too. I’ve been trying to tell you since the beginning, Y/N, it’s different with you. It’s been different with you the whole time. I’ve been in love with you since before you were even available. I never doubted for a minute that we could make it.”

“Complete faith,” you murmur. “You had complete faith.”

“From day one,” he agrees, and kisses you again.

Thank you so much for being here, especially to those who have shown up for every chapter! Believe me when I say I appreciate you so much.

Taglist || @rinkud

If you enjoyed this story, please keep an eye out for my upcoming fic "What Was Hidden". You can follow me or follow the tag #fic: what was hidden.

(banner by @itaeewon)

Title: What Was Hidden

Schedule: TBD - I prefer to finish writing before I start posting.

Word Count: TBD - 35k written, and I feel like it's halfway-ish? I will have a final wordcount BEFORE I start posting! :)

Pairings: Taehyung x female reader; Yoongi x OC

Rating: TBD

Genre: college!au, angst, romance, drama, strangers to friends to lovers to idiots to lovers again (because that's what i do best~)

Summary: Taehyung is flunking World Lit; you're assigned to tutor him. His paper on Strindberg's The Ghost Sonata could pass or fail him for the semester, so you two spend November discussing its themes and how they appear in your own lives. You learn that there's a lot more to Kim Taehyung than you originally assumed as you navigate the themes of one's true self versus one's shown self, darkness behind the facade, and how people can be quite literally haunted - and it has nothing to do with ghosts. summary subject to change 382384 a few more times before I post.

"I saw the sun and thought I saw what was hidden." - The Ghost Sonata, Scene III August Strindberg

[zehecatl]

holds your face so fucking gently please leave reviews for indie games. please. every single review legit counts, especially if the game is small enough, and you don't even gotta say much if that's the problem!!

like, anything from a long ramble to a simple 'it was good' matters, because steam (and probably also the Other Ones) uses an algorithm. so the more reviews, the more exposure, the more money the dev team gets. like, please. please. leave a review. throw your small indie dev team a bone

[farshootergotme]

https://www.tumblr.com/ruestheday/765956792656265216/one-of-the-biggest-lies-the-fandom-will-tell-you

Opinions on this post?

I'd say that I agree with what this person is saying. As much as I give Bruce shit for his parental skills (which are flawed and shouldn't be overlooked, don't get me wrong), we can say Alfred is partially one of the main reasons why Bruce is the way he is.

I won't say anything about "Alfred should've/could've taken Bruce to therapy" because then we gotta consider a lot of things about the decade when Alfred was introduced and his age in-universe, as Alfred might've not lived in a period in which therapy was widely accepted and even recommended. But I won't dwell too much on that.

Now, I don't think Alfred is necessarily an evil person, but he can be quite selfish and a coward when it comes to facing consequences (which he rarely gets, if ever).

When shit hits the fan, he's the first one to back out. Why should he be responsible? He's only a mere butler (until he goes and calls Bruce "his son").

He's always detached just enough from the situation that nobody will look at him when looking for someone to blame for a problem that Alfred was most likely involved in.

Bruce might be the Batman, but it's Alfred who works from the shadows and leaves the responsibility of his decisions to the rest.

Does he do this on purpose?

Hard to say. I think he's in a way aware of his cowardice and harmful tendencies, but he doesn't have an active intention of hurting others. However, lack of intention does not mean lack of action, and despite whatever he might feel or believe, he does many things that end up in someone's hurt and even death.

And don't many consider it, but to me it doesn't come as a surprise that Bruce is so emotionally constipated and an unavailable father when he never had someone to learn from about proper parental skills.

Bruce never knew where he stood with Alfred, and Alfred didn't help to make it clear. At first, Bruce was just his master. A responsibility left behind by his parents, but still with the authority to order around the person who's supposed to be his caretaker. And Alfred? We know how much of an enabler he is, but also how inconsistent he can be when it comes to letting Bruce get away with things. And how confusing that must've been for a child? To never have clear boundaries to respect, rules to follow and his behavior corrected.

Kids learn from habit and patterns, and I don't believe he'd see much of that with Alfred, who jumps from his role as a father to his position as a butler way too often for a young mind to fully comprehend. Add to that the fact Bruce already had a position as a rich kid, which would've led to even more people forgetting to set boundaries with him due to his influence.

Now it's not so weird to see him getting away with his toxic behavior towards his children instead of confronting his mistakes like a parent should, right? But I digress.

So, moving onto the next point: child soldiers.

The post you sent mentions Alfred's involvement in the later creation of Robins. But how can he normalize sending kids out there to fight a war that isn't theirs? Well, that's when you remember Alfred joined the army at quite a young age, and there he must've seen even younger kids working as soldiers. What are the chances he has a messed up view on what children should and shouldn't (have to) do?

Subconsciously, he must've internalized this idea of children fighting for their country, and when he saw Robin for the first time, it might've brought back that idea and so he allowed this child to fight for a city that was not even his yet. And then came Jason, then Tim, then Steph, Cass, Damian, Duke... They just kept coming, and Alfred kept pushing this idea.

Jason died? That's a shame, but war is unrelenting, and soldiers are expected to die. It doesn't mean the rest should stop fighting, right?

"Jason Todd, a good soldier".

On top of all that, Robin is good for Batman. Robin is the light Batman needs. Robin can help Bruce, his boy. His son. And who's Alfred if not a messed up man? He'll put the children at risk if it means helping the boy he failed to help before. And when he gets attached to said children, it'll be too late to try pull them out, and then they'll be just another repetition of what Batman came to be when he allowed Bruce to leave.

As for Julia Pennyworth, Alfred was separated from Marie—his then partner—due to war, and found out about Julia's existence only two years after she was born. Their relationship had been distant since then. Julia didn't know about Alfred, but he requested a friend to take care of her and kept sending money all the years to come after making his friend promise not to tell Julia about him, his real father. Why didn't he ever go to see her? That's because, according to Alfred, he was afraid to disrupt her life. But if I'm being honest, I think he also didn't feel ready for the responsibility. And when he became Bruce's guardian, he still was not ready, but Martha and Thomas were his friends, so there must've been a sense of responsibility and guilt influencing his decision.

To summarize, Alfred Pennyworth is an extremely flawed individual and he should not be absolved from any of his mistakes.

[undeadundying]

Baldur’s Gate 3 characters as FNAF movie reviews I found

Nobody asked for this. Nobody fucking asked for this. But I made it anyway.

Wyll:

Karlach:

Shadowheart (top)/Karlach (bottom):

Astarion:

Lae’zel:

Minthara:

Gale:

Halsin:

Bonus- Oathbreaker Knight (sounds Scottish I read this in his voice and cackled)

[helluvapurf]

Thoughts on latest HB ep "Ghostf**kers" (*now that I've regained a bit more energy post-Halloween weekend lol*):

So the newest ep of HB has came & went from what I've seen- aaaand naturally feels like the best time for me to finally ramble about it now that its settled in my brain some more .3. Thoughts (+Spoilers) below~ NOTE: Most of this -does- get a lil rant-y below sooo... read at your own risk lol .w.;;

First things out of the way to start things off on a good note, the Pros:

To start off with... FINALLY we got some Millie focus for a major episode plot (-or more specifically, focus that doesn't get revolved back to Moxxie somehow lol)😭👏👏. Even if Millie's spotlight here did have to be shared with Blitz for a good chunk of the ep, their friendship was actually genuinely sweet & compelling to watch (esp. their backstory & how Millie was allowed to stand up for herself, give him space, BUT also coming around to acknowledging the good in Blitz, when it all came down to it🥺👏). Which ngl, after these previous episodes reigning down HARD on this dude... idk, just felt refreshingly wholesome to see for this series, yknow?😊

New villain Rolando was pretty cool, and surprisingly spooky to watch as the second-half went on oml- .o.;; While I'm still a teensy bit confused how his powers/demon lore work (at least to what we already know about Hell limitations crossing to the human world, ex. succubi & their crystals), his underwater monster vibe gave some fun visuals to watch up until the climax. I'm not 100% familiar with John Waters' works, but damnnn he should take up voice-acting more often ngl~ 👀

FINALLY MAMA TILLA MAKES AN (on-screen) APPEARANCE 😭😭Her whole vibe & Blitz's clear love and regret over what happened to her... hhhhh my whole heart ;n; 💔

That pink client lady (Rita, I think her name is?) who assigned the hotel mission? I dig her vibe, its cute~ :3

I.M.P. feeling like a legitimate workplace family for once, with even Loona & Moxxie getting a nice lil moment towards the end?? More. Of this. Please. 👌👌

Even with the lil undertones of the Stol*itz drama from the past couple eps, I very much appreciate Blitz (+the show itself) acknowledging that what's been going is NOT a breakup ('cause... yknow, they never actually dated to begin with lol🤷‍♀️). It may not 100% fix how messy that particular narrative's been handled as of late (which I'll get to in a sec-), but eh... its a start in the right direction, I guess? .3.

Enjoyed all the colorful flashback looks given, never would I have thought I needed mercenary!Millie with a fluffy ponytail til nowww hlkjlk😩❤️

Aaaand as for the not-so-good bits (imo), aka the Cons:

Pacing felt kiiiinda all-over-the-place, I'll admit; like one min we've got a whole intro & a half to deal with Blitz's whining fest (+some other pointless banter at the hotel)... then the next it feels like we're breezing past Rolando's whole presence as the "big bad" villain. Which... idk, I guess I shouldn't be too harsh on given the production drama behind-the-scenes (aka: the leaked content that had to be cut & redone awhile back)... buuuut yeah, its just one of those things you can't help but take notice of, critique-wise lol 🤷‍♀️

The humor wasn't... exactly at its strong point here, mainly just a lil overdone in the sex joke department imo though I guess thats kind of "par-for-the-course" in the Hellaverse series nowadays, so lol

Now, idk if this may be an unpopular opinion or not; but was I the only one who felt like Blitz's month-long mope fest over Stolas was rather... OOC, all things considered? .-. Like, okay its one thing for Blitz to still be (understandably) upset over how the last two eps went down (but being the "boss" he is, continues working anyway to keep I.M.P. afloat, like in the latest HB shorts)... but for Blitz of all people to just randomly use ALL his company's funds on useless junk, force his daughter Loona to stay up all night/not go home, drive Moxxie in a panic from all the budgeting issues this past month was just... wut- 🤦‍♀️ ...Mind you, this is meant to be the SAME Blitz who not even a few episodes ago begged Stolas to not take away the Grimoire (aka the key to his + his employee's livelihood), clearly being willing to do anything to not lose all that he holds dear. You seriously expect me to believe he'd be the type to throw that all away (for a WHOLE month)... all to simply whine over some blue-blooded bird not noticing him? ...Yeaaaaah sorry, but I'm gonna have to call bs on that, chief- 🙄

Kiiiinda tying in the last point, but as much as I enjoyed the tense thills gained from the "Rolando enters Blitz' mind to make him see his own flaws/past mistakes" sequence... I do have a few issues with some of these other "flashbacks" added to the mix: 1) Loona's groin kick towards Blitz in "Seeing Stars" (*wasn't Blitz's fault since ALL he did was tell her to be nice to clients... and was right about to apologize to Loona just seconds before the kick 😒*) 2) Blitz pushing Stolas' hand away in "Ozzies" (*which Blitz only did after Stolas hide his face/didn't defend Blitz during the song*) 3) Stolas' hurt expression at the end van scene of "Ozzie's" (*mind you, taking place while Blitz is rightfully standing up for himself/telling off Stolas for being a privileged creep all of S1*) 4) Stolas trying to present the Asmodean Crystal gift in "Full Moon" (*a whoooole mess in of itself I already covered prior-*) 5) Stolas angrily walking away from their pool fight + trash-talking Blitz in the "Motherf**kers" song + drunkenly dumping his problems on him + making out with a whole other dude in front of Blitz (*again, a huge mess I covered prior but TL;DR... most of that WASN'T fully-Blitz's fault in those instances??😑*)

Like... I dunno man, I don't mean to sound like I'm just ragging on Stolas per-episode as of late... but these last few points just keep giving me mixed signals than any genuine idea as to WHY Blitz even has these "feelings" growing for Stolas, atm?🤨For any canon couple in fiction, I WANT to see reasons for why they work best together, what kind of interests/aspects they've got in-common, what special "spark" is there that helps them stand out above all the other dynamics in-canon... but from what I see so far on Blitz's end (& the narrative continuing to guilt on him being "the problem")... it honestly feels more like he's only now fallen for Stolas out of pity... not because of any genuine affection or attraction :/ Which... ngl, sounds like a really sad precedent to send for a main-endgame couple, regardless of series genre imo... 🤷‍♀️

-------

Soooo yeah, all that rant-y rambling aside... not a bad ep in the grand scheme of things! 👍👍Here's hoping the last few remaining eps (+possible shorts) for S2 keeps up the good work! 🙏

[mrbingley]

A LAMPSHADE ON THE SUN.

An interactive horror short story. Read time: approximately twenty minutes. Desktop only.

Your sense faculties grope the world. Stall out your optical units and you may briefly peer beyond.

[heliosynchronisity]

it's that time! art summary time!! this time with honourable mentions bc my two fav pieces this year couldn't actually fit on the grid. either bc of the aspect ratio or bc i had too many things to show off lol.

enjoy!

and remember!! my commissions are open ;)

[quillkiller]

"Damn it, Neil. The name is Nuwanda."

I want to talk about the queer coded symbolism and mise-en-scene in Dead Poets Society, and now you're probably thinking 'yes we all ship neil and todd' and yes that's true, but not what i mean.

Nuwanda is a trans woman! Let's get into it.

(i apogolize if my use of pronouns are confusing. i refer to nuwanda as he/him when he's at welton because the boy atmosphere and his part in that creates such a deep meaning to his experience as a person slowly figuring out through poetry that he might be a trans woman. especially in this tight knit friend group consisting of "boys with emotions". that's why i use she/her pronouns when talking about her getting closer and closer to figuring herself out) (also this is my own interpretation of the film so i can do what i want)

First off! When Charlie announces that he's changing his name to Nuwanda, no one questions him. The laddies adapt to it immediately and start calling him Nuwanda, for the simple reason that he asked them to.

Second, Nuwanda invited two girls to the cave and literally all he did was borrow their lipstick and change his name? Nuwanda said he wanted to learn about and read poetry because he 'wanted to make women swoon' but in reality he was a woman who gravitated towards learning about femininity, wanting to compensate for the fact that he actually identifies with womanhood.

For a character saying he wanted to woo women, he shows absolutely no interest in women what so ever. I genuinely think the writing shows such a complex relationship between gender and internalised transphobia/compulsory heterosexuality.

(I personally do believe that Nuwanda is heterosexual, but i believe he's a heterosexual trans woman and he's in the process of figuring that out through poetry and that's so beautiful!!!!)

All the boys hate Welton and they continuously joke about getting themselves expelled, but no one actually means it. Nuwanda was the only one actually risking his place at Welton and he did it writing an article saying that women should be accepted into welton. He risked his place at Welton and for what? Because 'he wanted a girlfriend'?

No! He was the only one who actually risked his place at Welton because he doesn't belong but he desperately wants to, and if women were to be accepted into Welton, Nuwanda will be too. He would rather get expelled, and did in the end, because that's a woman trying to save her own fucking life. Nuwanda really said 'accept women into Welton or i walk'.

There's also a scene where they're all in class, just walking around, literally, on Professor Keating demands, and it holds so much power for the reading of Nuwanda being a trans woman. Professor Keating says they all need to 'walk their own path' and to not follow the paths already made. Everyone starts walking and they all do it differently, except for Nuwanda. Nuwanda stays behind and says "I'm exercising my right not to walk" and Professor Keating looks at him proudly.

All the boys start walking whereas Nuwanda stays behind, distancing himself from making his own path as a man. Nuwanda was exercising his right not to participate in walking through life as a man. it's such a wonderful wonderful wonderful scene and i love her so much.

There's also the way Nuwanda dresses. Nuwanda starts changing his style throughout the film and you cannot tell me he conforms to the societal norms of a boy his age, at welton, meant to get into an ivy league school after graduation. He's slowly experimenting with his gender expression throughout the film, being fascinated by lipstick, changing his hair, trying on different hats, etc. It' so subtle but at the same time it's so big.

There's also the scene where Nuwanda gets punished by the headmaster. The punishment is a spanking and he has to lean over the headmasters desk and pull down his pants, and the headmaster is behind him. There's a clear power imbalance between the headmaster and Nuwanda, almost as if Nuwanda is the woman in that scene while a man abuses him the way he would abuse a woman. The punishment is inherently a feminization of his character, making him lean over and strip him off his power and being at the mercy of a man. The scene draws from female trauma and the power of men, while projecting it onto Nuwanda's character, creating more symbolism as to why Nuwanda is a trans woman.

Another scene, the coach comes into the changing rooms and yells:

"Let's go boys, hussle up in here! That means you Dalton!"

Dalton, Nuwanda, is standing in front of the mirror and combing his hair. None of the other boys do, they all tussle and fix their hair with their hands and then they're good. Nuwanda cares about how he looks and the coach is telling him, specifically, that he needs to man up.

These are the main reasons i believe Nuwanda left Welton and finally could start living her life as a woman. Especially considering the end of the film, Neils fate and how it represents the importance of being yourself and finding your own voice. There's so much in the subtext that indicate a queer and/or trans reading of the film. In the mise-en-scene, in the manuscript, symbolism, etc.

(Image of Nuwanda, showing his chest covered in lipstick, a feminine gender expression. He's removing his tie, which literally ties him to the man people want him to be.)

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2023: CONVERSATIONS ON WRITING by Ursula K. Le Guin with David Naimon.

Currently dual wielding books, over here--I've never really been big on reading two different fiction books at once, but I can pair fiction with nonfiction just fine.

I haven't read as much nonfiction as I'd hoped to this year (overcorrecting from last year, apparently), so I'm excited to get back into some Writers Writing about Writing stuff while I cool off of my current project before I gear up for NaNo. This one starts with "In Memoriam," though, so I suspect it'll probably break my heart a little bit. This is Fine™.

[viir-tanadhal]

am i simply cursed to not find a hotspot review that i like

[badly-drawn-piplup]

"Murder in Malibu", or the episode in which Columbo has many thoughts about knee socks.

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[saltycryptid]

At the strangest, and yet most predictable, point in my timeline. I am now officially a Supernatural Watcher, a Fan even. Y'all got me--y'all GOT me. I made it through the first three seasons and honestly im chewing on the floorboards abt season 4. 💥💥💥 ◉_◉ 💥💥💥

Not enough time to finish my 10,000 wips, yet enough time to dream of new ones with new blorbos. Embarrassing is what this is, embarrassing!

[dreamlanddeluxe]

Pleading, Chicken Little is my favorite movie in the whole wide world 🥺 it’s the best movie ever.

Say it’s good 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’m sorry to disappoint you anon I can’t say it’s good, objectively at least. Personally I think it’s fun movie, I have a soft spot for disneys weird little 2000s era of 3D animation (bolt, meet the robinsons, chicken little, etc) because that’s what I grew up watching. However when looking at it with personal bias set aside I find it overall a poorly paced and mean spirited movie, characters are either mean with the wrong consequences or treated poorly and never compensated. I think the main group of characters are great I enjoy the friendship chicken little runt abby and fish all share, they just exist in a cruel world. Also chicken little deserves a better father.

[h3artmate]

hello :) i watched strange way of life tonight. it was good as a short film but i would really like a feature length film of it. but you do get to see pedro pascal's ass and hear him talk about ethan hawke's cum.

tl;dr: pedro pascal as "needy bottom". 4?/5