#but a lot of these stories have it written and reinstated time and time again black on white

[pixiesnooze]

i love when ppl are like well they are acc unlabelled/still exploring their sexuality as if it’s not very clear black on white throughout that story that the character is like im straight except for you

[askinkiskarma]

The Archer | Chapter X: Daylight (the end)

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX

Summary: As Neteyam comes back to life, the two of you have to decide how you want this new chance at a future to look like, and that means leaving some things behind in order to gain others.

Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader

Word Count: 15,5k words (wtf honestly)

Warnings/notes: it's over :'( , so many feels i'm drowning in them, smut (kinky, filthy smut, 18+ Minors DNI!!!)., cursing, mentions of blood and death.

A/N: 200,000 words later, the Cardigan series has officially come to an end. I have so many things I want to say, but I feel like no words would do justice to how incredible writing this story has been as an experience for me, how much it's meant to me and will continue to. I said in the first chapter of Illicit Affair that this is the first things that I have written that will ever see the light of day, and to see how many people have resonated with it, engaged with it, it has been beyond my wildest dreams (another TS reference, ha!). I will never be able to convey how grateful I am to literally each and every person that has liked, commented, replied, followed, reblogged. I know you probably hear that a lot, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say I love you, and I thank you for giving me a voice, and a sense of community.

I have one more Oneshot I am planning to write for this story, which will be set in the future, and then I will be moving on, and starting new challanges. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and once again, thank you so so much.

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

And I can still see it all in my mind

All of you, all of me intertwined

I once believed love would be black and white

But it's golden, like daylight

You were almost on the brink of drowning as you came out of the vision, looking at Kiri, who met your gaze with a mirror of your own, wide and shocked, thrilled and ecstatic, hopeful and joyful beyond any reason. You struggled to keep your cool, to keep your mouth closed, when all you wanted was to open it and scream, scream at the top of your lungs, scream for all the world to hear that you did it. You got Neteyam back. He was dead, but you revived his heart, you restarted his body, you found him in Eywa, you led him home. You never realised how literal his nickname for you would ever turn out to be, but you were grateful, for now and always, to have someone who loved you, who understood you, who shared in your every pain and grief, in your every moment of relief, in your deepest fantasies and happiest hours, who thought of you so profoundly, your being so connected to his own that your existence would be intertwined for life, for all life, for every life you led.

Holding hands, you swam towards the surface and smiled as you saw Lo’ak and Payakan hanging out. Payakan was officially reinstated in the clan and in his tulkun tribe, after heroically helping in the battle against the Sky People. Still, he preferred being with Lo’ak most of the time, and preferred being on his own. It was a hard pill to swallow, but one you were forced to many times, that, in time, you learn to love your chains. You learn to rely on the solitude, to accept it as your own, as a friend and companion, and the imprints of the shackles still dig into your skin even after they are gone. It was a phantom pain, solitude, and even when it was gone, you still felt it, still craved it, still wonder how long it would be before it inevitably came back. 

As you surfaced, Lo’ak entire body jolted and turned in your direction, quite literally on the edge of his seat as his legs were hanging off his brother’s fin. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes were so wide, they were emanating light in the night darkness surrounding you, like little beacons in the sea. Both his palms were propped upwards, towards the sky in an inquisitive motion, and you could tell he was dying to know, dying to find out whether he still had a brother. You smiled in his direction, a wide smile that could barely scratch the surface of all the emotions trying you, but it was enough for him to understand, enough for him to jump up, and run laps on Payakan’s back, yelling and screaming in relief, much like you wanted to do, much like you felt you needed to. 

“COME ON, come on come on, let’s go!” 

You laughed at you brother and you saw Kiri rolling her eyes, but you all had tears swimming like little fish in the sea, and hope in your heart, and as you helped your sister onto Payakan, you knew you had to hurry, you knew there were very few thoughts or words that could encompass what you were all going through. 

The tulkun made quick work of the journey, the gentle giant surprisingly fast for his size, and in no time at all, you found yourselves near the entrance of your marui, hearing voices coming from the inside. You stopped still in your tracks, the increase in your heartbeat so quick it made the world spin around you and your knees wobble, until they felt like the tendrils of the Tree of Souls, deep in the Omatikaya forest. Why were you nervous? It was Neteyam… your Neteyam. You’ve been together for a year now, you’ve known each other your whole lives. Seeing him hasn’t evoked this feeling in you since you were 16 and so in love with him your heart thumped at the mere mention of his name, beads of sweat dripping down your body at his mere gaze towards you, electric shocks down your back and to each extremity at any mere touch he bestowed on your body. His presence still evoked these feelings in you, the raw physical reaction you had to him unchanged in time, but you were never nervous around him anymore. Your love was comfortable, evolving from a wild fire, setting everything ablaze in its wake, to a camp fire, providing solace and warmth, providing comfort and home. 

Why were you nervous? Maybe because going through those flaps, and seeing him alive would really allow the fact he was gone from this world, gone from your life to begin with, sink in. Maybe it is cause it will bring to focus how close to losing him, to losing yourself, you really were. Maybe it’s because you knew his fluttering eyes and his lips wrapping around each word as they left his mouth would bring you to your knees, would remind you of how your last conversation was a fight, a horrible, insidious fight and that in the meantime, in his absence, you lost so much, including the promise of a baby you knew he wanted more than anything in the world. How were you supposed to tell him? How would he react? Would he ever forgive you? Would you ever forgive yourself?

“Angel, you coming?”

Lo’ak waved a hand in front of your face while he gently shook you with his other one. 

“Angel, you ok?” 

You gulped audibly, then looked at him with panic deep set in your features. His eyes softened taking you in, and he pulled you into a hug.

“It’s going to be ok. We’re all going to be ok. You did it, angel. You brought him back to life. Now’s the happy part, you know? Now’s the good part. Come on, I’m sure he can’t wait to see you again.” He took your hand in this and pulled you behind him as he walked, and you allowed him to guide you, appreciating the little push, as you don’t know if you would have been able to make it by yourself. 

There was chaos in the tent, chaos that tired you, that reminded you how exhausted and depleted of every possible resource you actually were. Max and Norm were busying themselves with machines and medical equipment, no doubt trying to make sure Neteyam’s vitals are alright, that he was alright. Would there be brain damage? Would there be physical consequences for his coma, for his lack of oxygen when he died? You tried to focus on one voice at a time, to allow it to ground you to the moment, ground you to environment around you, as you felt lightheaded and close to collapse. You found the only voice that mattered, the only voice that you would recognise anywhere, anytime, in any plane of being, in any state of consciousness, in any body or mind, in any alternate or parallel universe. The only one. 

“I’m alright, sa’nok. I am here. I’m sorry.”

You’re still yet to see him, buried under all the bodies of your family members, all straddling and caressing his arms and chest and legs and feet, clinging to him like they didn’t want to let go - like they couldn’t. You got the impulse, you got how necessary it felt, how demanding a compulsion. You stood cowering in a corner of the marui, allowing them the moment you got in the spirit tree, allowing them to wallow the loss and rejoice the rebirth of their son, of their brother, of their hero. 

Your hands settled on your lower abdomen, flat and taut against your palms, that you cradled and caressed softly, imagining it soft and tripled in size, imagining your fingers pressing down on it to meet the little hands and feet pushing from inside it to feel you, to talk to you. You thought sadly about the baby that was gone, your baby, Neteyam’s baby, your little perfect bundle of joy, and looked at the way Neytiri and Jake hugged their son tightly, so much love and gratitude filling the air around you, so many tears and cries filling the silence of your home. You knew then that if that was your price to pay, if this was your burden to carry, you were happy to do it, happy to have been able to be even a small reason why this moment was unfolding in front of you. 

A son for a son. 

A little synchronised movement between all of them is all it took for you to come face to face with the man you loved more than all the stars in the night sky, all the stars adorning his beautiful body, that stiffened as he took you in, his golden eyes wide as they landed on yours. You held the breath in your lungs and counted. Nothing else mattered in this world, not ever, not anymore. Nothing but those eyes. Nothing but the soul that was reflected so well in them, like mirrors to the depths within him, that nobody knew like you did, like nobody understood in the way you could, just like you knew he knew you. Your twin flame. You melted at the scrutiny of his gaze, that now migrated to your hands, to your lower belly that you were still holding affectionately and his eyebrows raised taking it all in. A small sob escaped your throat at seeing him, finally seeing him, at him seeing you, finally seeing you, exhausted and cried-out and marked in bruises and cuts, in thick loin cloths that were dripping in a mixture of water and blood, all the way down the leg and on the floor of the marui. 

The entire family turned around to follow their son’s gaze, and when theirs landed on you, when it shifted in between the two of you, when the air became thick with tension and anticipation, in your grief and fear, in his confusion and hope, you faintly saw Jake motion everyone out of the room. Tuk came hurrying to your side, and you had to break your eye contact with your mate to kneel and take her in your arms. 

“Thank you!” She was crying, small hiccups escaping her mouth with every deep breath and her small arms encircled your neck so hard they were hurting you, but you held her, allowing her to cry it out in your presence, that you knew consoled her. You have always been scared of the eventuality of motherhood, scared of your demons getting the best of you and manifesting as bad parenting, scared of the possibility of hurting your child without realising, without meaning to. Scared to be a bad mother. But holding Tuk in your arms, knowing what you meant to her, knowing you were pretty much her second mother and have been for a while now, it put your mind at ease. It helped you deal with the mind-paralysing fear and to some extent, helped you be hopeful of a time when your own child will look at you the same way.

Neytiri got up from where she stood and approached you, her eyes so red and puffy there was barely any identifiable white in them, and your heart constricted in pain at the sight. She’s had to endure so much. She hugged you, so tightly her beaded top and jewellery were scratching painfully on your skin and you smelled the faint smell of metal as blood started pouring out of you. 

“You know, when I first saw you, you were the smallest thing I had ever laid my eyes on. So small, smaller than I could ever imagine a baby being. I stood next to your mother while she gave birth, and had to watch her scream in pain, scream so loudly I thought the whole forest would wake up. I was pregnant then, and watching her scared me, scared me for when I would have to give birth to my son. And when you came, you were bloodied, and covered in goo and a little wrinkled, but then, Norm and Max washed you, and I swear I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Not just you, but your mother. And the look she had on her face, the love I could feel all around me, the instant unbreakable connection, the unconditional bond that would transcend time and space, would always be more than any words can describe. I loved your mother, my girl. I loved her so much, and I promised to take care of you when she passed. 

Imagine my surprise when you ended up taking care of us, instead. I always knew you were special, but to watch you grow up, watch you become the reason my clan is rid of a disease that plagued it for years and years, watch you fight alongside us, complete your Iknimaya, become one of the people. Watch you bring my son back to life… my son, that you have been connected to since before he was born.”

You were both crying as she was caressing your head, pushing your hair backwards and stroking it gently.

“When I was very heavily pregnant, I came to see your mother. We met in the forest, and she brought you with her, you were just a couple months old, and they had just managed to make a little oxygen mask for you, so Marj wanted to show you the forest. We lay on the ground together, just talking, like we always used to do. And all of a sudden, you reached out your little palms, almost like you were searching, and you touched my belly. And you just kept your tiny hands there, on my belly, with a little smile on your face. We laughed about it at the time, but didn’t think that much of it. Until just a few hours later I went into labour, and had Neteyam not too long after. 

I thought about that moment since it happened, every time you two were together. Every time it felt like you two were one soul, split in half down the middle, meant to one day reunite and become one again. It was scary, and foreign. You were human, and he was Na’vi. You would never be one of us, I thought. But no one could deny the connection between you, not even the Tsa’hik. When you were young, your mother told me in confidence she is working on an Avatar for you. That she feels like you belong with us, you always have. That you belong with Neteyam. I agreed, but after she died, so did my hope for it.” 

She looked guilty and torn as she spoke. “I pushed him, I told him to leave you, to give you space. I told him to find a mate, I thought that’s what needed to happen, I thought it would help you both heal, it would help you move on from a love that couldn’t be, that was impossible. I am so sorry. I had to see you both suffer and know I caused this.” You took her in your arms again and held her, your turn to console her. 

“It’s alright, sa’nok.” 

“When Norm told us about the Avatar, I was so happy. So, so happy, it felt like this was always meant to happen, this was always meant to be. I knew then that you and Neteyam would always find each other, that I was right from the beginning. That Eywa willed it so. Eywa willed everything so. The Avatar, the impossible to make Avatar happened, and it could only happen to you, because you had to be one of us, you had to guide us, you had to be Neteyam’s light. Your hands brought him into this world when he was born, your light guided him, and then brought him back to this world, when we thought we lost him forever. It was you, always you.

I will never be able to repay you. But I will continue to be your family, your mother, for as long as I still can, for as long as you’ll allow me. I will always love you, and I will always protect you with my life, just like you have continued to for me, for us, for so long. Oel ngati kameie, ma’ ite (I see you, daughter).” 

Your mind was at a loss for words at Neytiri’s confession, at her love letter to your mother, to her son… to you. This woman, this incredible, strong, capable, beautiful, intelligent, kind woman has done so much for you, has given you motherly love you thought you would never feel again. She welcomed you in her life, in her family’s lives, she gave you a home and a cause and a reason to get up in the morning, and you never thought you would be able to give her anything that would be able to balance any of that out. You were beyond elated to hear that you did manage to give her something, that something you did helped her, brought her comfort and safety and peace. 

“Oel gnati kameie, sa’nok (I see you, mother). You and this family are everything to me, everything. And I will continue to fight everyday to be worthy of it. Of you. Thank you.”

You hugged each family member individually, and thanked Norm and Max for their invaluable contribution to your and Neteyam’s health, for always being such good men in the storm, for being the best extended family you could have ever asked for. You watched as every last one of them left, and, with a deep breath in, you turned your gaze to him, the only person in the world - now and always. 

“Hi.” 

His smile dazzled you, feeling the dizziness you have been struggling with for a while, the ache deep in your womb come back into focus and knock you to your feet. You walked slowly to where Neteyam was laying, every step a torture, every step a moment in which your body seemed like it was catching up to itself, catching up to everything it’s been through. Ever since your dad’s message, your body fought and fought, it withstood everything that was thrown at it. Fight or flight always did wonders for you, until it was time to crash, until after the world settled around you and the adrenaline, the stress diminished, and you could finally feel the overwhelming pain that was lurking beneath the surface. Neteyam reached a hand out to you when he saw how wobbly you are, but winced when the gesture tugged at the needles of the IV fluids currently flowing inside his body. You grabbed his hand into yours as you plopped yourself to the ground, and he inspected you carefully, sorrowfully, frown lines so deep you thought they would never go away. His eyes fixated on the thick, unattractive loincloths you were dressed in, that were still dripping on the floor from your swim, and his frown somehow deepened at the blood that was clearly visible on the material and that had dried going down your thighs. 

Your hands travelled all over his body, from the hand he reached out, up his arm and on his chest, over his every bruise and cut that was way underway to healing, to his navel and over his abs and up again, until they reached his neck and face, his face that clearly showed him awake and cognisant, clearly showed that he was back to you, back into your life that he was violently yanked away from, and seeing his expressions, his eyes, reminded you of the vacant ones he left behind that haunted your every moment, reminded you of his blood on your hands and Neytiri’s wails, of how every ounce of happiness and love just dissipated from you like water on a hot day. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Your voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, and hearing that voice, so defeated and broken, so much like how you felt inside, was enough to push you over the edge, enough to make you sob aggressively in his chest, grateful to be able to do this again, grateful for the way his arms found their way to your back and hair, that he was caressing gently, his touch everything you have needed for days that felt like years, like lifetimes that you lost, that you would never get back. 

“I’m here. I’m so sorry it took me so long, Atan. You’ve always been so much quicker than me, at everything. It always takes me a bit longer to catch up to you, but I am here. And I’m never leaving again, not without you.” 

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 

It took a long time for Neteyam to manage to calm you down, but eventually your heartbeat lowered to an appropriate rate and your breath stopped feeling like it was burning your lungs and you were so dehydrated from crying that that also stopped eventually. 

“I’m so sorry about your dad, Atan. So, so sorry. When I saw him in Eywa…” he couldn’t continue. “I am so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, so sorry you had to go through all this by yourself.” 

“Neteyam… I am the one that needs to apologise. I have so much to be sorry for, so much that I need to tell you. I -“ 

“You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing. The fight, what I said, what you said, it was all wrong. It all came out wrong. And you know… when I left you then, I was so sad, so unmoored, like it was a problem that we would never be able to solve, but then, as I watched Lo’ak leave for Payakan and knew that I would follow him into danger once more, no consideration for the consequences, no other thought outside of saving him, I knew it then you had been right to say the words you said. You were right. And if I want a family, if I want us to move forward, it has to come from me. I have to show you what you mean to me, that I’m here to stay, that I will keep myself safe as much as the people I love, so I can live to see my children grow up, the way I’ve always wanted to. So I am sorry. And I will be ready when you are, whenever that is. Whatever it is, we’ll brave it through together, and I promise I’ll be here for you, and I will be more careful.” 

You had no idea how much you needed to hear those words until they left Neteyam’s lips, but as you did, your whole heart lit up from within, and the light that shone through the cracks helped mend them, helped heal it, helped put it back together. You would be ok. You and him, you’d be okay. As long as you had each other, there’s no storm you couldn’t weather, including parenthood. 

“I need to tell you something. And I fear when I do, you’re going to hate me. And I’m so sorry. I am so sorry that it happened, because it took it happening for me to realise that I am ready, that I am not afraid anymore.”

“What is it, Atan?”

He struggled to sit up so you could be face to face, and despite your wordless protests, you helped, heart throbbing at his proximity, and his presence that enveloped your own like the warmth of a sun, and when it was done, you sighed and continued, feeling soothed by his thumb tracing your lips and the white luminescent freckles on your cheeks. 

“When the ship attack happened, the fight with the humans, the effort it took to get my dad away from it all, the stress of losing you, the effort of bringing you back… there was so much pain in me, pouring throughout my whole body, but I thought that was just from all the wounds, both physical and emotional, all the wounds I had to withstand in such a short amount of time. B-but…” You choked on your words, hoping and praying that by swallowing them whole you wouldn’t have to utter them, not have to say them out loud, not to him. Your hand involuntarily went to your abdomen, that you stroked mindlessly, and when Neteyam’s eyes followed your movement, a look of terror grazed his face. 

“I found out… I was pregnant. We were pregnant. The little being we wanted, the little bean I was so scared of, it had been there, and I didn’t even know. I didn’t even know until the stress and the pain and all the loss and grief running through every inch of my being took it away, away from me, away from us.”

Admitting this to your mate was somehow even harder than you thought it would be, and you found yourself once again collapsing on his chest, once again pushing out tears from a body that felt like it had very little water left to spare, but still it gave you its last remaining sources for this, knowing you needed it, knowing there was nothing else there, but the tears, to drown the emptiness you felt in your body, in your womb.

Neteyam was reeling at your words, so much shock and pain, no amount of painkillers pumping through his veins could keep up, could ever numb this feeling down. But, as he watched you suffer, convulsing with each sob that escaped you, he realised the grief he felt was for you, for how much you had to deal with, power through, all alone. To know that this is what was happening while he was revelling in a fantasy land with all of his heart’s deepest desires come alive, it killed him. The guilt he felt ate him alive and left only scraps in its wake, enough for birds to peck on until only the bones were left behind. He should have been here, should have helped you through this, you should have been able to mourn the loss together, feel its unbearable weight together. He felt tears gather in his eyes and spill down his cheeks and neck, looking at your thighs that were smeared in your blood, just like your loincloth was, knowing what caused it. 

“Please, please don’t hate me. I am so sorry. When they told me, I realised how much I wanted it, how much, despite everything I said to you that day, nothing would have made me happier than to watch myself get bigger each day, than to watch you beam with pride at the thought of being a dad, than to watch us trying to figure out how we’re going to do this, than to know no other baby has ever been so loved, so spoiled, so cherished as ours would have been.”

The tears were unrelenting, hearing your pleas, laced in anguish and terror. He took your face in his hands gently, moving it away from his chest, that was now soaked in your own tears. 

“Atan, look at me. Please? Please look at me. You crazy girl, how can you ever, ever think I could hate you? What am I supposed to hate you for? Because you fought on the ship? Because you tried to save your dad? Because you worked tirelessly to bring me back home? What kind of person do you think I am?”

Your sniffles were all that could be heard in this tent that has seen so much, too much, too many tears, too much pain and grief, that would be forever plagued by the Sully’s misfortunes, but that Neteyam was adamant to change. He was adamant that the tides were turning, and that the only cries it shall ever hear again were those of pure, unadulterated, incandescent happiness. 

“Come here.”

His hand wrapped gently around your throat and the action made you gasp, but he pulled you towards him gently until your lips met in a kiss that promised to heal you, to mend all these unconquerable torment and reshape it into hope and wonder. He was desperate for your touch, desperate to feel you, desperate to make up for time lost and past gone, but he wanted to wait - you both needed to heal, to mourn together and move on, and right now, you both needed to fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

Neteyam woke up groggy in light of last night and all the drugs being pumped in his body, but as he felt your back snug against his chest and heard your soft breaths, his mind cleared and focused, and he was able to notice the rest of the world around him, such as his dad’s snores and Lo’ak’s senseless sleep-talk, as well as Tuk’s little body tucked in yours, as you held her tightly in your arms.  He really felt the need to get up, and stretch his legs. He felt the need to see the sea, to breathe in fresh air and watch as the nature surrounded him, as the Metkayina got up and ready for the day. He missed it, he realises. Missed all of it. It was great to be back in the clearing, and have you, and see the two babies, but waking up in your arms, with your pheromones inundating his senses, seeing his family share his space, seeing people exist outside of him and his problems and grief - he missed it and he was happier by the second to be able to experience it again. 

It didn’t take a lot of movement on his part for you to stir in your sleep and open your eyes, immediately turning your head to look for him, almost as if you were trying to make sure he was still here with you. He smiled a little at your panicked expression and the frown that melted as soon as your eyes locked, and the smile you gave him, wide and serene, with your fangs poking through, made him finally understand what you meant when you told him humans say being in love feels like having “butterflies in your stomach”. 

“Good morning, yawne. God, it feels good to say that again.”

“Do you think we can go outside? Just you and me?” 

You looked at him with a flicker of concern, but nodded softly. You turned around and patted Tuk awake gently.

“Tuk-tuk, I need to go, can you please go sleep with your parents, baby?” 

Tuk whimpered a little, but almost sleep-walking, made her way in between his mother and father and instantly fell back asleep. You both snickered at the sight and he wished silently he could sleep that easily. 

You got up, wincing a little as you did, which Neteyam dreaded, and carefully removed the needles in his body. You held out both your hands to help him get up, and he felt grateful for your help as he realised he could barely move his body by himself anymore, deep pain and numbness throughout his entire being. It took a long time and a lot of effort to get him outside, and he felt ashamed about it, embarrassed at the strain required to do the most basic things. Neteyam prided himself on his physical prowess, something he had worked for his whole life. He was strong, powerful, he was quick and agile, he was fast and limber and right now, he was none of those things. 

With a sigh, he lowered himself on the edge of the platform, allowing his feet to dangle in the water, that was warm against his skin, a big difference to the ice cold water of the river in the clearing. 

“It’s going to take a while, my love. For both of us.” He noticed your hand moving once again to your lower abdomen, almost a necessity at this point. You did it so often, without even thinking about it. He pressed his hand on you, as well, imagining a little kick meeting his touch, imagining the swell of your belly as life grew inside of you. He was so sad about it, but tried not to dwell on it, as he knew this wasn’t meant to be, and when it was, it would make the experience even more meaningful in light of everything you both have lost. 

“Does it hurt, Atan?”

You nodded weakly. “The physical pain I can deal with. It’s everything else that hurts more.” 

“I know. But you are the strongest person I know. And if anyone can do this, it’s you. And I'm here. You don't have to do this alone.” He struggled lowering his body so that his head rested on your lap, but when he did, the comfort it provided alleviated any pain and frustration in his heart. He nuzzled his nose against your belly and pressed small kisses all over, and you laughed softly as they tickled you slightly. Your hand found his hair that you stroked rhythmically until he was so relaxed, he was on the brink of slumber once more.

“I think it’s time for you and me to go back home.” 

“What?” 

Neteyam’s astonished tone made you giggle a little, and you almost didn’t recognise yourself or that sound, having been so long since you last heard it. 

“I think we should go home. I think it’s time.”

“Atan… we can’t go home, you know that.”

“Yes, we can. We left because Jake wanted to keep us and the village safe by hiding. But they found us. We’re not safe, and we can no longer hide. And if we’re going to fight, if we’re can’t hide anymore, I’d rather do it back home, where you and I belong, where we’ve always belonged.”

“Neteyam… your last words were ‘I want to go home’. You want to go home, and so do I. Neither of us wanted to leave to begin with. We belong there, with the Omatikaya. Our children belong there. Our children will learn the ways of the forest, they will learn to hunt and shoot a bow and arrow, they will learn to climb the trees and the Iknimaya, they will get their own ikran, just like we did. I love this place, and this clan, I really do, and it will always have a special place in my heart. And we will visit. We will have to, considering our brother will be their Olo’eyktan one day.” You chuckled again at the though of Lo’ak, his newfound love for this clan and the chief’s daughter, and how even in this way, he is a carbon copy of his father. 

“Shit. I never thought about that.” 

“But our place isn’t with them. And that’s okay. Sometimes growing up is knowing what works for you and what doesn’t, and knowing when to let go of the people you love, for them to be able to grow and evolve on their own, and for you to be able to do the same. You’ve held on to Lo’ak your whole life, clung on to him, and on a quest to protect him, you lost your life. Lo’ak’s always felt alone back home, and he always felt like an outcast, but here, he’s free at last. Having found Tsireya and Payakan, he found himself as well. He’ll made a great Olo’eyktan one day, but in order to do that, he has to not feel like he’s always living in your shadow, in my shadow. So let’s just go, you and me. Let’s go home.” 

Neteyam’s mouth was agape in surprise and shock at your words. He struggled to comprehend what you were saying to him. Go home. Their home, their real home. They couldn’t do that… could they? Neteyam resigned himself months ago in knowing his home was a long forsaken dream, that he might never see again. He resigned himself in knowing he will never be truly himself again, in knowing he had to live without an integral piece of what made him who he was, an Omatikaya warrior, rider of banshee, son of the Olo’eyktan and Toruk Makto, future Olo’eyktan himself. You said once humans had a saying, that home is where the heart is, and he felt that way most times, content in life as long as he had his family by his side, you by his side. But he didn’t agree fully to it - home was also where your clearing was, home was where he imagined his children being born and raised, home was in the trees and in the Hallelujah mountains, home was night rides with Seze and Neyn, home was where the Palulukan and Yarik and Talioang and Pali were, home was all of those things and more. And to have a chance to live in it again, have a chance at making his dreams and childhood fantasies come true, it was incredibly enticing, so much so his heart ached instantly just at the fleeting thought of it not happening. 

But how would it even work?! How would he ever be able to leave his family, his brother behind? His careless, stubborn, loving, amazing brother that he has spent every day of his life with, that he watched grow up so much in the mere few months they were in Awa’atlu, that finally felt like he had found his place, and Neteyam winced at the realisation him and his baby brother didn’t share the same idea of home. It pained him to admit that you were right, as you always seemed to be. Lo’ak’s home was here. The sea was his home, the sea would be his children’s home, before their birth and after their death, and Neteyam would have to watch from a distance, and get glimpses of the man his brother would grow up to be in time. He felt tears pricking painfully at his eyes. He was happy, so happy for him, that he finally found a place, found a family in Tsireya and Payakan, but he was saddened by the thought that, in the end, that family wasn’t him. Growing pains fluttered through his entire being as he realised childhood was over, and it was time to grow up, it was time to step up and be the adult that was needed, that would be able to take care of his own family, of his children and his mate. 

When you were younger, Neteyam saw you read a book that you loved dearly. Neteyam would listen intently as you talked about it, as you read him passages from that book and one of them always stuck with him as he made his way through life. He always wondered what it meant. 

“You will find little joy in your command. But with luck, you will find the strength to do what needs to be done. Kill the boy. Kill the boy and let the man be born.”

Now he understood. He finally understood that his death was the death of innocence and childhood, and it was time to let it go, and let new beauty, new life peer through, for new happiness to shine. 

“Let’s go home, Atan.”

════════════════════════════════════

It’s been a few weeks, and Neteyam felt himself getting stronger by the day, in no small part due to Norm and Max and their infinite patience in helping him heal, in helping him be able to slowly move his body again, his shoulders and arms. They said the journey to recovery would still be a long and strenuous, but that in time, he should be able to get the full function of his muscles again, and be as good as new. In those weeks, Neteyam watched blissfully as you were getting better, too, the bleeding close to completely gone. It was time. Time to talk to his family and let them know of the decision you two made, that only solidified in his mind in time. It was the right decision, the only decision. He wondered briefly if his parents would think the same. 

It was a good as time as ever, as the morning light beamed through the marui and filled it with warmth and patterns moving with the wind on the ground. It’s been a peaceful, calm few weeks and everybody could tell, the atmosphere serene and filled with laughter as his mother and sister were preparing breakfast for everybody. Neteyam saw you give him a pointed look, raising your eyebrows in their direction, and with a small sigh, trying to work up the courage, he cleared his throat and spoke.

“Ahem… everyone, there is something we wanted to tell you.” His heart started booming in his now healed chest as his whole family turned around and watched him intently. 

“What is it, ma’ itan?” 

He felt comforted by the feel of your fingers intertwining with his and the little squeeze that followed. 

“We’ve thought about it for a long time, and Neteyam and I want to go back home, to the forest.” 

His father’s mouth dropped, as did the rest of his family’s, and his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as he sighed loudly and shook his head.

“Kid… we’ve talked about this.”

“No, Jake… we haven’t. We made this sacrifice because we thought it was the only way. We thought we were protecting the Omatikaya, the Na’vi, we thought by hiding we could keep this family safe. It didn’t work. The humans found us, the humans took so much from us. There is no hiding anymore, and we want to go where we belong, where we’ve always belonged.” 

“Dad… I know this comes as a surprise. But we are doing this. My whole life, I have spent giving up pieces of myself, pushing down my feelings and my desires, in order to be the version of myself I thought you wanted. The version of myself that I thought this family needed, the clan needed. But I’m no longer a child anymore, and no longer the future Olo’eyktan. I died, dad. My mate lost a baby, my baby, and I wasn’t even there. This will never happen again, I won’t let it. I want to be a good father, a good mate - like you are. I want to raise my kids in the forest, I want to fight for my clan and for my people that have raised me, that I have sworn to protect since the moment I passed my Iknimaya, since the moment I knew I was the son of the Toruk Makto.”

Neteyam looked at Lo’ak, who looked sad and angry. 

“I want to make it clear that I don’t expect anyone else to join us. This is something we have to do, but brother, you don’t. You… you’ve grown so much, Lo’ak. I watched as you found your place in this world, as you found your mate… your brother. The sea gives and the sea takes. You taught me that, brother. It took the forest away, and it took me away, but it gave you so much, and will continue to give you… strength, and a purpose… a family. And I will watch you become the man I always knew you could be. And when you become Olo’eyktan one day, I will know you are the best Olo’eyktan this clan has ever seen. A mighty warrior. A good leader.” Lo’ak’s face changed into a misshapen mess, trying to maintain his composure and not let the tears inundating his eyes fall, the way they were threatening to. Neteyam moved closer to him, patting him affectionately on the head.

“I’m so proud of you, Lo’ak. And I’m so sorry if my existence ever made yours more difficult. It’s hard for me to think of you as anything else other than my baby brother, but you are a man now. And it’s time to let you go. And I can’t wait to see you again, and get to see your incredible future unfold in front of my eyes.” 

Lo’ak said nothing as he slapped Neteyam’s arm away and pounced on him in a rib-shattering hug, and he was pleasantly reminded of the thousands of times his baby brother has done this when he was younger, back when his love for Neteyam was obvious and manifested itself physically, back when they were inseparable. Neteyam circled his arms around Lo’ak and patted his back and Lo’ak let out his sadness and frustration, years of pent up resentment and anger, years of feeling inadequate and isolated. They both needed this. The rest of his family quickly joined into the hug and Neteyam felt suffocated as his siblings and parents squeezed the life out of him, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. It was time for all of them to heal, for all of them to grow. 

You took Spider’s hand in your own, the two humans who didn’t quite belong anywhere, but who had a family they loved and that loved them and you watched the beautiful moment unfold in front of you, happy tears slowly falling down your cheeks, your other hand resting, as it always was these days, on your belly, mindlessly caressing it. Being here, in Awa’atlu, surrounded by the endless ocean, has been painful for you, filled with emptiness and grief and loss, but oh-so-necessary. It had been something you all needed to go through, a time of discovery and growth, a time to break and a time to heal. You realised with a small smile that Tsireya was right. 

Water connects all things. Life to death. Darkness to light. 

You were almost done. Most of yours and Neteyam’s stuff was now safely tucked in Norm and Max’s helicopter, deciding you would give Neyn and Seze some freedom to fly as wildly and freely as their hearts desired. Both of the ikran were playing with each other in the airspace above you, their happiness so clear it was palpable. Seze was hard to budge from Neteyam’s side, so protective and desperate to ensure he wasn’t going away again anytime soon, so much so Neteyam had to order her away to play with Neyn. It turns out, Kiri has also been feeling similar to you and Neteyam, and despite how much she enjoyed being here, how much she enjoyed the water and the new flora and fauna, she too missed home, and her grandmother, and her Tree of Souls. So you watched as she said goodbye to her parents and to Lo’ak and Tuk, and held Spider’s hand as she put the rest of her stuff in the helicopter. 

It was a bittersweet moment. The whole clan was here to bid you goodbye, and you started with Ronal and Tonowari, that you owed for eternity for the way they took you in, for the way they give your dad his forever resting place. You approached them slowly and thanked them the best way you knew how, with an “I See You” and a ceremonial bow, that quickly turned into a hug when that felt like not enough to impart all the feelings you held inside. It was strange to them, and a bit out of place, but Tonowari was quick to adapt and reciprocate, while Ronal was ever the stoic, although she did wrap one arm around you in a moment of uncharacteristic affection. 

“Thank you. We will both miss you dearly.”

“Don’t be a stranger, nantutetsyìp (little human).”

“I won’t. We won’t. We will be here so often, you will get tired of us.” Tonowari laughed while Ronal rolled her eyes, but a small smirk was still apparent on her beautiful face. You reached a hand over to her belly, that you touched softly. 

“I can’t wait to meet this little baby. I will be her favourite aunt, that’s a promise.”

You moved on to Ao’nung and Rot’xo, that you punched affectionately in the chest. 

“Take care of my baby brother and sister. Or I will come back and I will show you how us forest people handle conflict.” 

You hugged them both, and were surprised to see the hint of sadness in their eyes. You will miss these knuckleheads. 

There was no hint in Tsireya’s eyes, as she was full blown crying in Lo’ak’s chest, and you had to pull her away from him so you could look at her and remove her tears with you thumb as you caressed her beautiful face. 

“Don’t cry, sister. We will see each other again soon. You have to visit, you have to come to the forest and see our home, you have to climb the Iknimaya with us. And when you come, I will show you the labs, and I will quiz you on all the English that Lo’ak should be teaching you. I don’t want you falling behind on our lessons, ok??” 

“Yes, sister. I will miss you so much, I wish you didn’t have to go.” 

She gave you two beautiful shells, almost identical, turquoise and dotted in white bioluminescent freckles, just like she was, and placed it tightly in your hand. 

“This is for your songcords. Both you and Neteyam have a place among us, you always will.”

“Thank you, Tsireya.” 

You turned your full attention to Lo’ak, who was once again, contorting his face so as to not appear weak in front of the girl he loved, and in front of the girl he used to love. 

“Take care of her, Lo’ak. And of yourself. You don’t have us to save your ass anymore, so you have to be your own older brother now, and Tuk’s. Do you understand?” 

“Yes, Angel.” You were proud of how well you handled it, no tears up until now, but as you looked in the eyes of your best friend, of the boy who got you and your humanness in a way no one else really did, not even Neteyam, who shared your sense of humour and wild streak and your inclination for cheesy old school movies and TV shows, you couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

“Be safe. And visit, ok? And don’t forget us while you enjoy your endless walks on the beach and adventures with your new brother. Me and Neteyam still got dibs on you, do you understand?”

“Yes, Angel. I’ll miss you so much.”

“Me too, baby brother.”

Finally, you moved to Neytiri, Jake and Tuk, who both decided they would move between the forest and the reef, so as to spend equal quality time with all family members. They had no more responsibility, no more weight on their shoulders, no Olo’eyktan or Tsakarem duties anymore. They could just be for a while, enjoying the peace while it still lasted, and you were happy they could finally be free, at least until the humans decided to strike yet again. But the victory at Three Brothers Rocks definitely put a dent in their plans and budget, and you knew it would be awhile until that were to happen. You had time. You all had time. 

“We’ll be home soon, ok, kid? It would be great if you could clean the tent for us beforehand, ha!” You rolled your eyes at Jake, but laughed as you hugged him. “Enjoy retirement, pops.”

You moved onto Neytiri, who was so happy to know you were going home, and that so was she soon, ecstatic to see her mum again, to see the forest again. 

“Don’t take too long, sa’nok. Mo’at will not be happy to be kept waiting and I can’t live without Tuk for too long.”

“We won’t, ma ‘ite. Be safe. Eat well. Don’t strain yourself, you are not fully healed yet.”

You smiled at her motherly ways that she was never able to fully disconnect from, that you never wanted her to, especially when they were directed at you. “Will do, ma.”

You kneeled on the soft sand to take Tuk in your arms as held her as she cried. 

“We’ll see each other again very soon, my baby. Don’t be sad, you know I would never leave you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, baby. Come here.”

You held on to your mate as you said one final goodbye to everyone, and then climbed onto Neyn and connected your queues, feeling her excitement overwhelming you at the thought of going home. I know, girl. Me too.

You felt your stress and anxiety melt away with every kilometre you got closer, with every tree that came into focus, until it completely melted from your bones at the sight of the forest in the distance. You looked at Neteyam, who was smiling widely, relief so transparent and obvious on his face, and you laughed at how it was mirrored on Kiri and Spider’s faces as well. You felt free. Free at last. You knew they did, too. 

════════════════════════════════════

Neteyam woke up like from a reverie, like from the vision in Eywa, back in your tent, in both your tent, and felt like he was floating. He looked at the fabric and counted all the dots in it through which light blinked carelessly, and felt warmth envelop his body as he tightened his grip around your sleeping form. It’s like he never left. Your home looked exactly the way you left it, both of you having spent a few days getting it back to this point. He glanced around, at the bows now back in their stand, at the quivers and the guns, and he hoped it would be a long while before they had any use for them again. He looked at your desk, and smiled to himself at how you did a happy dance at seeing them all again and having it all back, all the books your mother spent her whole life collecting and keeping close to her heart. He peered at the mirror you looked at every morning before you went outside, and the two songcords that were back where they belonged, hung on it, one on top of the other. It was hard to picture the life he left behind, hard to imagine the reef as anything but a dream, a hallucination. 

As he pressed a small kiss on the top of your head, he saw you turn to face him, wide golden eyes and pearly whites the only thing he could focus on as he took you in, in all your unbelievable beauty. Your gaze turned primal as you continued to look at each other, need enveloping you both like a thick blanket you wanted to get lost under. It’s been so long, so long since he had you, so long since he took you, so long since he claimed you the way he knew you craved, the way you both craved. You both found solace in each other’s bodies, in the way your individual needs were only met in each other - his need for control, your need to relinquish it. Even in this way, you were perfect for each other, made for each other. You were his match and he was yours.

His cock throbbed in need, in desperate need to fill you to the brim until you were dripping in cum, until you were swollen and sore, until you were begging him to stop while pushing him deeper in you. It drove him mad, your look, the way your pheromones were flooding his nostrils, the way the sound of your pounding heart matched the twitching of his hard member, the way the smell of your arousal was so thick, sweet and floral, he could feel it on his tongue. 

It took every scrap of self-restraint in him to not rut into you like a feral animal, but he had other plans and the surprise he had planned had to take precedence. 

“Atan… I need you to be a good girl for me and wait until tonight… can you do that?” 

You whined as you threw a leg over his hips and started grinding yourself slowly on him. 

“I have had to wait for weeks. Weeks, Neteyam. Weeks in which the only thing I could think of is your cock so deep in me I start to see stars.”

Neteyam growled, a deep guttural growl and removed your leg from him. 

“You’re gonna make me fucking crazy, Atan. But if you are a good girl for me, I will make it worth your while. And I will indulge your every whim… All. Night. Long.”

You threw your head back and moaned, and after thinking about it for a while, you eventually relented. 

“You better make it worth my while, or I’m gonna have to start without you.” 

He shook his head and kissed your nose affectionately. “I love you, my crazy, insatiable fiend.” 

Your patience was not one of your more formidable attributes, Neteyam thought tiredly as he was helping you onto Seze, a big frown on your face. You were definitely needy and desperate, and have been the whole day, which made it Neteyam’s day hell, having to push you away every 5 minutes, having to keep a level head for the both of you. You’ve been asking him about the surprise the entire day, testing his patience that he felt like he had infinite supplies of at the moment, thankfully. Eclipse finally settled and the mountains glowed with iridescent hues, that Neteyam made a mental note never to take for granted again. 

“Are we going to the cave? Or to the clearing? I thought we couldn’t really go to the clearing again?” 

Neteyam sighed for what felt like the millionth time today, and got behind you on his ikran. 

“You are a pain in the ass sometimes, you know?” 

“But I’m your pain in the ass, remember?” 

Neteyam made Seze land deep in the forest, in a place that was very familiar to both of you, and he knew you would know where you’re going as soon as you saw it. 

“So we are going to the clearing. I knew it.”

He grabbed your hand in his and intertwined your fingers, his other hand moving to your jaw as his lips closed over yours. You moaned and immediately deepened the kiss, to which he laughed. 

“We’re almost there, Atan. Come on.” 

You growled and threw your head back, but followed him without saying another word.

You knew you were being annoying. You could feel yourself being annoying, but you couldn’t stop, not when you have been unhinged with need the whole day, the whole month, since before that fateful ship attack and all throughout both your recoveries, throughout the journey back, throughout settling back in the forest. You still didn’t know what this was. You knew it was a surprise, but you didn’t know what it was or why it was. You were pouting now, walking pointedly towards your clearing, and you tried to relax and get excited about the fact you haven’t seen this place in so long, way before you even left for Awa’atlu, out of fear that humans might find you here and take you away.

You looked around you, at the beauty of the forest and the glow surrounding you, at how your each step was illuminated by the ground your feet were touching, and the howls and sounds of the nocturnal creatures coming out to play, the soft hum of the insects and the chirping of the birds. You loved all of it, missed all of it so much, a symphony that felt like that background music to your life’s story. As you pushed past the trees into your clearing, you gasped, the breath knocked out of your lungs at the sight. A red woven blanket was placed on the ground, pillows and covers enticingly waiting for you to snuggle in. You stared in awe at the huge holographic screen projected over the river, currently stopped at the introduction scene of Pride and Prejudice, your favourite book, the one you still had by your bed in the tent, the one whose covers were falling apart at the seams.

“Neteyam… what is this?” 

“It turns out, believe it or not, that I have been lucky enough to call you mine for a whole year now. Actually, it’s been a lot longer than a year, but our actual anniversary fell at a bit of an inopportune time, since you know… I was dead. And afterwards, we were both reeling, and grieving our loss, and healing our bodies, and when you told me you want to go home, I knew I should wait and do this properly. And so this is what I’m doing.” 

“I wanted to thank you, Atan. I don’t think I say this enough, but thank you. For having been my light since the moment I was born, until the moment I died, for guiding me back home, to you, every time I lost my way. For giving me a reason to be better - a better friend, a better sibling, a better son, a better man, a better mate. My whole life, I have looked up to you. My whole life, I saw in you the person I knew I wanted to be worthy of one day. I have watched, in awe, every day, as you became the most intelligent, caring, incredible, beautiful person in this world, a person who struggled so much, and went through so much grief, a person who carried so much darkness inside, and yet managed to emanate only light all around you, in everyone’s life. I have watched you be my sister’s best friend and confidante, my brother’s shoulder to cry on, my baby sister’s hero and my parents’ biggest critic and supporter and every day, I grew more in love with you. I have been by your side my whole life, and not one moment did I not love you, did I not hope that I would never have to be parted from your side, for as long as I lived. You have been the woman I have been madly in love with since I was 15, and the woman I hoped and prayed could one day be the mother of my children. I am so eternally grateful for every moment I get with you, every moment I get to watch you, every moment I get to wake up next to you, I get to look at you and know that nothing will ever change between me and you, between this formidable happenstance we call our love.” 

You were sobbing violently at his words, that made you feel so special, so loved and appreciated, that healed every hurt in your soul, that mended every crack in your forever broken heart, until there was only love, the love you felt for him, for your relationship, for the lifetime of memories you have made together, for the lifetime of memories you’re yet to make. He took you in his arms and held you, caressing you gingerly as you cried and sniffled in his chest. 

“I have a gift for you. Actually, I have two gifts.”

“I thought this was the gift.” 

“No, Atan.” 

You removed your head from his chest and waited as he went to the blanket and removed two things from underneath the covers. The first was a book. You took it in your hands with a confused look on your face, that quickly turned stunned as you read the cover. Pride and Prejudice. It was your mum’s book, but the cover was different. It was new. Made of wood, the woodwork detailed and intricate, with flowers and patterns, as well as a carving of the Bennett house as depicted in the movie that was currently paused on the screen. 

“This is actually cheating a little. This was the original gift I planned for your 17th birthday, that I never got to give you. I started the covers, but never got to finish them, and after I left, I thought I’d never get to give them to you. When we came back, I thought it would be the perfect time to finish it, and Norm and Max helped me bind the book. I know how much you love this book, and I know how sad you were that it seemed like it was falling apart. So hopefully now it will have a really long life, long enough to pass on to our kids, and their kids after that.” 

You always wondered about your life, about how it seemed so out of balance, so filled with sorrow and pain. You realised now, as you’ve always suspected, that Neteyam was the counterweight. Your good karma. He was what made all the sorrow and pain bearable, what made this life worth living, still so unbelievably beautiful, and exciting, and good. It was him. He was your gift, the Universe’s gift for all you’ve had to suffer through. You had no words that could convey what this meant to you, what his words and the gestures and this night will always mean to you, so you just kissed him, hopefully able to convey it to him in this way. He chuckled a little as the kiss came to an end. 

“You’re welcome, Atan. Here, your last gift.” He gave you a big cork board, and you recognised it faintly, it was a board that used to be in one of the labs you grew up in. Except now, it was filled with a collage of photos, photos that used to be hidden in your Pandora’s box, back in your old bedroom, where you kept all your secrets, all the things you were too scared to ever deal with. Photos of yourself as an infant, as a toddler, as a child. Photos of you and Neteyam, of your mum and dad, of the scientists, of the Sully family. And new photos, that you were seeing for the first time, of yourself, sleeping or hanging out with your siblings, laughing animatedly with Jake. Photos of you sleeping snug against Neteyam, photos that he obviously took in secret. 

“When did you take these?” 

“My dad has a camera that I use sometimes when you aren’t looking. Out of every human invention, I definitely think I like the camera the best. It’s amazing to be able to have these moments captured, forever. I have been collecting the pictures for months, and as we came back, I was able to print them in the lab.” 

You looked at the gap that covered the bottom right quadrant of the board, and looked at him expectantly. 

“That’s for all the new memories we’re going to make. It’s for when our children are born, for when we become aunt and uncle to all our little nieces and nephews, it’s for the amazing life we still have to live. I thought we could hang it in our tent, so you can look at it every day and be proud of everything you’ve achieved, Atan, of this incredible life you’ve led, that is only a tiny speck in the sky of the rest of our lives.” 

You smiled up at him, still in shock at everything he did, and all the thought he always put in his gifts, at how much he loved you, at how much you loved him. He took the gifts from your hands and left to put them by the blanket, away from view.

“Do you want to watch the movie? Or… are there better things we could be doing beforehand?”

You looked at him through your eyelashes, your vision blurry from how badly you needed it, how badly you just wanted to be fucked, like it was the first time, the only time.

"I'll take that as a yes."

His eyes darkened, pupils so dilated there was barely any yellow left in them, and he stalked towards you like a predator, like you were his pray to hunt, to take, to kill. You were panting in anticipation, your frilly beaded loincloth soaked in your arousal, that has been continuously pouring out of you all day, so saturated it was trickling down your ass and thighs. You couldn’t believe this man, couldn’t believe he was yours, yours to keep, yours to admire, yours to fuck until you blacked out, forever. He only stopped when he was so close to you, his breath was fawning over your face, and his smell, his musky, woody scent hit you instantly, making your tempestuous need uncontrollable. You raised on your tiptoes to bring your lips to his, but he stopped you, wrapping his long fingers around your throat and squeezing until the air left your body and the asphyxiation made you dizzy. 

“No, Atan. You’ve been a good girl so far, you don’t want to ruin everything at the last second, right?” 

He let go of your throat and you gasped, the sudden burst of pleasure making you moan and push your thighs tightly together, as the throbbing deep within you was so intense it was starting to hurt. 

“Fuck, Neteyam. Please, I just, I need you to fuck me. Please.”

“God, I love it when you beg. It drives me fucking crazy. You drive me crazy. I have needed to feel you, feel that pretty little pussy milk me, squeeze me, drench my cock in your cum for so long. I’m going to make you feel so good, Atan. I’m not gonna stop until you beg me to, until you’ve come so many times you pass out with my cock still deep in you. How’s that sound, mm?” 

You were almost done just at his words, the power they held over you unspeakable, the power this man had over your body still astounding you, a year later. You had no words, just moans, but it was not good enough for him. His hand squeezed around you once more and you were gasping for air that wasn’t coming, not until he allowed it. 

“I asked you a question, Atan.”

“Fuck. It sounds amazing, i-it sounds so good, Neteyam. P-please. Fuck.”

“That’s my girl.” 

The hand that wasn’t tight against your throat went to the back of your head, taking a fistful of your hair and pulling roughly on it, until your head was thrown back, and you felt a dull sting of pain when his canines dug into your throat, until blood came out and you went feral at the feel of his tongue licking over it, at the thought of it coated in your blood. You were reminded that the remnants of your blood were still circulating through his body, another way through which you owned him, you possessed him just like he did you. He kissed you, roughly, tongue darting over your lips and you opened them, drove to the brink by the taste of metal, of your blood on his tongue, in your mouth. You moaned in the kiss and he smirked, and you knew he loved seeing you like this. Panting, begging, mewling like a little bitch, desperate for his touch, desperate to be fucked unconscious. 

He lifted you effortlessly off the ground and knelt with you in his arms until he placed you on the blanket, your back loving the feel of the warm, fuzzy fabric. You reached behind you to grab a hold of your queue and brought it forward into his line of sight, and he smirked again as he did the same. 

“You want to feel what you do to me? How fucking wild you drive me? How deeply you own me, how badly I need you, Atan? You want me to feel your mind going blank as I bottom out in you, as I lick every bit of the nectar dripping in between your legs? Is that what you want?” 

“Yes, fuck. Yes. Please.” 

“Good.” He connected your queues and the influx of feelings, of desires, of savage, untamed emotions was almost too much for you to bear, eyes rolling in the back of your head. It was his turn to moan and the noise sounded so much better coming from his mouth, his deep voice reverberating deep within you, driving you one step closer to release. 

He skilfully removed your clothes and his own, leaving you with a glorious view of his incredible body, of his defined abs and bulging biceps, of the v-line that lead to his large, beautiful cock, rock hard and so swollen it was deep purple at the tip, slapping against his abdomen, leaking precum that you were dying to lick off it. 

“You are so beautiful, Atan. You are fucking perfect. I can’t believe you’re mine. I can’t believe my luck. I promised I would make it worth your while, let me show you I keep my promises.” 

He lined himself to your entrance, that was gushing in need, and you mewled as he teased you, slapping his dick against your folds, grinning like a devil. You arched your back and shut your eyes, deep frown lines on your forehead, that was already covered in a thick layer of sweat. He grabbed your jaw and pushed your head down to meet his wild gaze. 

“Look at me. Look how I fill you up with my cock, Atan.” Your eyes drifted down to where your bodies met, and you struggled to maintain you gaze as each inch of him was being buried in you, eyes fluttering open and close, the feeling too much, too intense. You felt yourself being stretched to the brim, until the border between pleasure and pain was delightfully unclear, until his tip hit your cervix, until his girth pushed against your g-stop, until your walls were contracting at the sensation you have been deprived of for so long. 

“Fuck, you take me so well. So, so good for me, baby.” He didn’t move, and you felt through the bond the intensity of his own feelings, so much love and care, so much need and desire in him and you waited, getting lost in this feeling, getting lost in the pleasure that so good, it was getting unbearable. 

“Move, Neteyam. Please, move.”

“I need to feel you first, baby. I need to feel the way my cock stretches your needy cunt, I need to feel the way your walls are throbbing around me, I need to admire the bulge in your abdomen as I fill you up. Look at it.” He pressed where the little bulge formed by his impressive length was visible, and as he did, you somehow felt even fuller, and once again you felt the need to close your legs, to try to get some relief from the torturous wait. 

Taking pity on you, Neteyam started a slow, maddening pace and he smiled when he saw tears in the corner of your eyes at how desperate you were. Without warning, he started rutting you like the little slut you were, like the way you have been begging for, and almost immediately your first orgasm washed over you with enough power to knock the air out of you and he didn’t stop, not when it was done, not until you came again, and again, and again,  until tears were falling down your face and into your ears at how overstimulated you were. 

“Neteyam, I can’t anymore.”

“Yes, you can, Atan. Come on, just one more and then I’ll fill this pretty pussy with my cum. Do you want that? Want me to fill you up real nice? Want to be dripping in my cum, want the whole village to smell me on you?” 

At his words, at the picture he painted, you felt the pleasure coil in you again, and you knew this orgasm would hit you like a tidal wave, keeping you on the ground with no power to get back up. 

“Y-yes, I want it. I want it so badly. I want your cum, fuck, I want it.”

“You want me to give you a baby? Want to make me a daddy?” 

“Y-yes. Yes, I need it, need your cum in me, please.” 

“Fuck yeah, baby. Take my cum, like the good little girl you are.” 

You both moaned as you came, the liquids in you mixing and spilling out of you, over your ass and onto the blanket. You didn’t know if it was all you’ve had to endure, or how long you’ve been without it, but this was definitely the best orgasm you ever had.

“I agree.” 

You laughed loudly, and looked at him affectionately. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I can feel you, Atan. I can feel the pleasure that washed over you, more intense than you have ever felt. I feel the same.” 

He pulled out of you, and pecked you gently on the lips. As you were trying to get up on your elbows, he pushed you back onto the blanket and you fell backwards with a soft thud.

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not done yet. I told you I will indulge you all night long, didn’t I?” 

“Neteyam, are you not going to be happy until I pass out?”

“Isn’t that what I told you, baby girl? Did I fuck you dumb already?”

How were you still so turned on? How was your cunt still throbbing in need when you’ve lost count how many times he’s made you come already? You loved it when he was mean, such a stark contrast to the peck from earlier, to his usual demeanour, to his real, day-to-day self. You loved it, it made you squeeze against thin air, feeling the need to be filled once more.

His hands wondered over your whole body, over your breasts that he caressed and pinched until you whimpered, until his fingers were replaced with his tongue, the ministrations making you grind your hips against nothing, the noises coming out of your mouth more unholy with each second that passed you by, each minute that he was sucking and licking every inch of skin he could get his fingers and mouth on, until he reached your folds, still leaking a mixture of both your cum, that he lapped at like he had been starved, like this would cure the drought plaguing his senses. Your senses, on the other hand, were plagued by him and his skilled tongue, and the way it was pushing into you, sucking on your abused clit, until your walls were clenching once more. He pushed two fingers in you effortlessly, curling them to touch that spongy part in you that made you cry out in pleasure, and the stimulation was too much, the coil in you close to snapping again, your hips grinding on his face roughly. The animalistic moan he let out pushed you over the edge, and you squirted on his face, down his chin and nose and he laughed proudly as he licked it all off. 

“That’s my good girl.”

“How about we watch a bit of the movie and then I fuck you again?” 

You laughed as he made his way next to you and you cuddled up close to his chest. 

“Yes…daddy.”

════════════════════════════════════

Your family was in a tizzy today, preparations unfolding all around you for your upcoming trip, that you were supposed to leave for any minute now. It wasn’t going to be a particularly long trip, but it was definitely an important one, one that had you giddy with happiness and excitement. You were already packed, the clothes, gifts and medical supplies once more tucked away at the back of Norm and Max’s helo, both of whom were accompanying you, as well. Although never quite part of the people, both of the scientists were honorary Na’vi at this point, their continuous support, love and care for this planet and all its inhabitants not gone unnoticed, even within the Metkayina clan, who have taken a liking to the two. 

“Kiri, don’t forget the thing, the thing…” Jake was pointing aggressively on the floor at something by his daughter’s legs, and you laughed at how nervous he seemed. It was endearing and a little surprising, seeing how Jake was usually quite stoic and well put-together, especially when it came to his two boys. That has changed in the past few months since you returned home, the distance that always existed between himself and either one son or the other softening his rough edges, making him more open and affectionate to both of them. You guess it was true what they said, after all - absence does make the heart grow fonder. 

With one last smile in their direction, you quietly exited the tent and got up on your ikran, who cooed softly in your direction. She has been particularly gentle and tender with you recently, and you couldn’t tell if her having laid tiny ikran baby eggs was the reason behind it, or just general happiness and gratitude at your decision to return her to her home. Either way, you were grateful, and so, so excited to meet her babies when they were going to be here, fantasising about the idea that her babies and your own would one day be united, the same way you were. 

“Let’s go, baby girl. There’s one last stop I need to make before we leave.”

You got to the Tree of Souls easy enough, having visited so often recently you could make the trip with your eyes closed. You swore it would never be as long as it used to be for you to visit your parents, for you to keep in touch, to see them and talk to them, to make sure they knew they were missed and not forgotten. You wanted them to be part of your journey, in a way they never could before, and you were happy to say that regardless what was happening in your life, you came once a week without fail, nothing able to keep you away. 

The cove wasn’t desolate, several Na’vi lost among the tendrils, connecting to their ancestors, to their loved ones, to people they lost. You greeted each of them, all of them looking at you almost in awe, at the girl whose parents came from the stars, who stole the Toruk Makto son’s heart, who cured an illness that pillaged from them, that took away so many Na’vi men, women and children, including some of the people that were being visited today. 

You chose a part of the tree than was unoccupied, and connected your queue to one of the mauve tendrils swinging gently in the breeze. You were immediately transported in a place you were now very familiar with, your mother’s old house back on Earth. The humid heat hit you instantly, as did the smell of the ocean and the cold breeze that pushed sand into your nose and eyes, and you took a second to take it all in, as you always did, the beauty of Earth, so different and yet so similar to Pandora, always a treat, always worth the extra few minutes of reflection. You pushed the fence door and made your way to the house on the broken cobblestone path, and smiled as the sound of a piano playing could be faintly heard from inside. You didn’t bother to knock, and took your time walking through the narrow hallway, looking at all the photos that were hanging on the walls, a lot more than you remembered from your first visit, including new ones, one of you, human and grown up, in between your two parents that were smiling widely at the camera. Photos of you in the living room you were currently walking towards, playing piano and dancing with your father, propped with your feet on his as he swung you around. Photos of your mother rolling her eyes as she was caught mid-cooking, and a photo of your parents kissing on the beach, taken by you (you assumed) without them knowing. They were beautiful, so beautiful, just like they were. 

“Bunny! You came!” Your mum got up from the couch as soon as you entered and ran to your side, hugging you loosely so as to not hurt you. 

“Of course I came. Don’t I always come?” 

“Yes, but we expected you in a couple of days.”

“I can’t come in a couple of days, ma. We are leaving for Awa’atlu soon, remember?” 

“Ah, yes!!” Your mum face-palmed herself and you laughed at her. She was a little ditzy, you realised. You never realised that as a kid, but it was blatant now, more so by the week. Your dad joined in the laughter and came by your side, placing a small kiss on your cheek. 

“Hi, love. Are you excited for the journey?” 

“Eh, not for the journey, but definitely for the occasion. Thank you for the gift idea. He’s going to love it.” 

“Of course, bunny. How often does Lo’ak get to take his Iknimaya and become a man?” 

“Well, hopefully just the one.” 

They both laughed in unison at your joke. 

“I can’t believe how much he’s grown. God, he used to drive Jake crazy when he was a toddler, he would just run and run and crawl through tight spaces, where Jake could never fit through. He was an angel when Neytiri was around, but as soon as she left, he terrorised his dad. Poor Jake hasn’t had a good night sleep since the second Lo’ak came out of Neytiri.” 

“Well, that hasn’t really chanced. But he’s bigger now, so he’s easier to catch.”

The laughter was music to your ears, and you dreaded knowing you’d have to leave soon and not see them for at least a week.

“Where’s little, puny me?”

“Don’t call her that.” Your mum frowned at you, and you snickered at her face. You and… well, you, got along fine most of the time, but you realised that you were incredibly annoying and having to see yourself every week made you more appreciative for Neteyam and his never-ending patience. 

“She’s taking a walk on the beach. She loves doing that. She’ll be sad she missed you… and this little belly… I could just eat you, you know?” 

“It’s not that little anymore.” 

You placed your hands over your mother’s on your belly that was becoming exponentially larger by the day, and she squealed when she felt kicking meeting her palms. 

“Oh my God, do you feel that?” 

“Of course I feel that, mum.”

She scoffed at you, but she was too excited to rebut, too busy taking your dad’s hand and placing it where hers was. The baby kicked again and you winced, and felt the sudden urge to pee. 

“I need to go. We have to leave soon. I’ll be back as soon as I can, ok? Tell her I said hi, and that she better catch up on all the songs I learnt after I died.” 

“Bye, bunny. Say hi to Lo’ak and the rest of the family for us.” 

When you came out of the vision, you felt arms circling you, and you smiled as Neteyam’s familiar scent filled your every sense. 

“Hi.”

“Hi, Atan.” He was pressing small kisses down you neck, while his hands wandered on your body, from your breast, now full and barely covered by your increasingly small tops down to your belly, and he gasped silently when he felt the same kicking your parents did. 

“He’s kicking! Oh, Great Mother, he’s kicking!” He took you by the shoulder and spun you around and you laughed a little as the action made you dizzy. 

“We don’t know it’s a he yet, yawne.”

“I know.” You raised an eyebrow at him, but said no more, and watched as he lowered himself to your belly and looked at it in adoration, like he was venerating it, venerating you. 

“Hi, ma ‘itan. Be gentle to your ma, deal? We don’t want to hurt her.” He showered you in kisses until you melted in his touch, and by the time he reached your face, you were panting and in need. Neteyam groaned as the smell of your arousal hit him. 

“Atan, we have to get going, my dad’s already out of his mind with worry and excitement, and my mum keeps packing food, to the point the ikran are going to drown in the sea because of the overbearing load. We are the only sane ones in the family now, we have to act like it.” 

You threw your head back and laughed heartily, at his words, and at his tone that sounded serious, not an ounce of humour in it. 

“Fine. But when I’m hot and bothered for three days during the trip there, I don’t want to hear you complain.” 

Suffice it to say you were late to get going. 

════════════════════════════════════

As you spotted the familiar island of Awa’atlu, you heard the beautiful horn announcing your arrival, and felt emotion overtake your being at the thought of seeing your brother and Tsireya, as well as the leaders of the clan after so long. It’s been a few months since you have left, and although Neytiri and Jake have come here in that time, you have not. You were excited to see Lo’ak’s reaction at your news, and excited to watch him become a man, be born again as a member of the reef clan, that was now his forever home. 

You saw him before making out anybody else, his deeper blue skin sticking out like a sore thumb among the Metkayina. You jumped off from Neyn before she even landed, and you heard Neteyam and Neytiri both hiss at your recklessness. You were too busy to care, running as fast as you still could and wrapping your arms around Lo’ak’s neck in a tight hug. The younger man was too stunned to say anything, so stunned that his arms remained motionless by the sides of his body. 

“Hug me, you skxawng.” 

“Angel…what?!”

You scowled at him until his eyebrows dropped and his eyes softened, his open mouth curling in a soft smile, one you knew too well, one you loved so much. 

“Hi, Angel.”

“Surprise?” 

He pushed you a little and kept you at arms length as he inspected you, placing a hand on your belly. 

“How long have you been gone? You look like you’re about to pop.”

“You’re such a dick, Lo’ak.” 

“I’m kidding, Angel. I can’t believe this. I’m so happy. So, so happy. This is the best present you could have ever gotten me.”

“Oh, ok, then, I guess I’ll just leave the solar-powered projector loaded with all your favourite movies and tv shows in the helo.”

“WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

“Why are you more excited about that than being an uncle??” 

“Can I use the baby as a projector? Didn’t think so.” 

“Sing for us, Angel. You didn’t bring your guitar all this way to keep it by your side all night.”

“Fine, but only if after, Tsireya can translate everything I sing.”

“Ha, she’ll kick your ass, you’ll see.”

“Hey, I might be pregnant, but I will still kick your ass if you keep annoying me.”

“I see the glow of motherhood didn’t do wonders on your temper.” 

“Lo’ak… she will hurt you if you keep going.” Neteyam sighed, rolling his eyes in his baby brother’s direction. 

“Fine, fine. Just sing, Angel, please?” 

You looked at your mate who was eyeing you lovingly and strummed a song you knew he’d know, you knew he’d love. You saw his eyes go wide and then settled on a look of wonderment and euphoria, a look you’ve seen a lot of recently. You gave him a wink before you started singing.

We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street”, I say casually in the car

We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead, leading us home

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

It was a sweet reunion, one you desperately needed, and as you spent the night catching up by the fire, Neteyam’s arms wrapped around you and the sounds of your family laughing and chatting away filling your ears, you felt lucky for everything good in your life, that overwhelmingly outweighed the bad, and hopeful for the future and all the beauty it would bring with it. 

Thank you again for this amazing journey. I love you all x

Taglist (thank you ily x) @changing7 @erenjaegerwifee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @winchestertitties @puffb4ll @rebeccao03 @ultimatebluff @cottoncandy23 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @n3t3y4msm4t3 @loquatious-josephi-krakousky @eternallyvenus @fresh-new-yoik-watah @lu-the-ghost-reader @@miawastakens @mm0thie @fanboyluvr @amortencjja @lovekeeho @trixscarlett

[zannolin]

just wanted to drop in again and say thank you for writing your fics! i have been through A Lot lately and reading has become hard on the brain, and even your fics are difficult sometimes, but when i manage enough brain power to process them i am ECSTATIC. they are so well written and... comforting? reinstating from last time; you tap into character povs' so well and they feel so grounded and real. your writing feels like a perfect balance and i love it, like a homemade freshly baked apple pie (<has never had apple pie but is getting into baking) you inspire me to keep writing, even when days are hard. i hope you have a wonderful day/night, and i will be sure to leave you more comments

okay sorry i've let this one languish in my inbox a few days until i finished some things and got my presence of mind back but thank you so much!! i've said it before but really all i ever want my writing to do is be something people can enjoy and be inspired by to make their own stories so it's so special to me to hear when/if it does that for people <3 <3

also i hope baking is going well for you i think it's about time for me to start my autumn baking endeavors as well

[ask-naraenil]

[OOC]

At some point over the last 6 or so years, I have written some spiel or other about my main RP characters on their respective blogs. They were focused on answering the questions ‘How did this character come about?’ and ‘What was the inspiration behind them?’

I never went in depth about this one aside from a more self-indulgent than usual gush about her when I finally completed the druid class hall campaign during Legion. Back then, I said that she’d never become an RP main. She hadn’t been a content main since early MoP.

Like many players who are bringing their druid characters back for the 10.2 patch, I suppose I have resumed picking her up to play the game again. But since earlier this year, I have also started to take her IC again after many years, and give her another chance at actual RP.

I have been RPing for a solid 12+years at this point. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually taken Nara out to interact with other player characters. This was always at the request of people I knew. My mage was the first character I RPed, but my druid was The Prime. Nara’enil was my character when I started playing WoW.

There are a few reasons I never focused on her for RP. One was that I loved my blood elves and I had a lot of meaningful RP on them. Time was a luxury that I did not have to focus on a totally different character in a different community. When I decided to explore a different avenue of RP with my RP friends, we turned to troll, and Nara became a Darkspear druid.

I didn’t commit to Alliance side RP until late Legion to BfA. The years preceding that were entirely spent on Horde, whichever characters I chose to RP, and I had (and still have, even if shelved) a plethora in my roster. The troll became a tauren, and finally in Legion, she returned to being a night elf once more.

I never felt I needed an RP community or other RPers to be able to tell Nara’enil’s story. The scant few times I’ve taken her IC have always been for other people. Each time I’ve changed her concept a little, just to make her more lore correct and to fit in with the other PCs’ stories. The sad thing was that they never progressed at all.

Though I’ve taken her IC more times this year than I did over the previous 12, I didn’t feel comfortable. It was, as I look back in retrospect, due to my changing a significant part of her personal backstory yet again to suit someone else’s character. After that character’s RPer decided to change that without consulting me - something that I was upset over - I surprisingly felt better reinstating that which I removed, and she felt whole again as a concept. It was as if this was what she was supposed to be, and not a someone that could be tweaked according to other people’s whims.

I went into detail before when I mused on the truth behind the characters I mained in my RP history, but they could all be summarised in this answer to a question in the guild I am in on another character:

‘What is your self analysis on why you RP what you RP?’

My answer:

I have a variety of chars over the years and are mostly a result, consciously or subconsciously, of:

1. Lack of bloody control of my real life things like WORK and STUPID PEOPLE (thanks NHS). So my first OC that I actually rped was a belf magistrix who TAKES ZERO SHITS and will tell it like it is. Like House MD.

2. My being chronically low key or at times high key unhappy IRL so I made characters who are easy going and live/let live. For eg, my orc warrior who is exactly like that. Simple life simple goals, like slaughtering quillboar and evil asshats, and then going home and looking after her wolf.

Most of my chars are some variation of these two for balance. Can’t rp a moody char all the time so I need to balance it out with a chill one.

3. Atypical paladin archetypes, born from a goddman desire to do some damn good for people, regardless of the circumstances and how goddamn HARD it is. (Thanks NHS). Also a way to explore the ways you can have a purpose in life that’s not associated with reverence or belief in anything “divine”.

RPing these archetypes came at a time when I needed to process my own healing journey from depression and all the Emotional Baggage that came with it. I think these have been my favourite chars looking at my record. There’s always some aspect or other creeping into non paladin chars of mine.

What is interesting is that over the years, the types of characters I played also slowly progressed in this manner, from the aloof and serious, to the more laid back, to attempts to find a light in the darkness and the hope to carry on through the worst moments of my life.

I play two characters concurrently now. My gnome mage does not have an RP blog but she is my go to for IC interactions as she belongs in a guild. She is also the chill character to balance out Nara’enil, whom I have had some RP only with people I know, because I still haven’t been comfortable interacting with the rest of the community.

As I quietly processed the aftermath of the latest retcon, I slowly understood why Nara’enil took shape the way she did, and settled into the character she is: I want to explore what it is like to sit with sadness. Without the stoic heroism of trying to battle it with staunch belief or principle or inner strength, like I did with my paladin characters.

ACT is something that has done more world of good for me than anything else in my healing journey. It’s not always possible to soldier on and force yourself to carry the beacon of hope. Because if you’re always trying not to feel the sadness, then the sadness will always be there chasing you. Sometimes you just need to stop running away and sit down with it. Feel it without indulging it - instead be curious about it.

And then you let it go.

Grief is an emotion that cannot be pushed away at will. It is something that needs to be felt in all of its stages. Whether they come in the classic textbook manner, or whether they come all at once or completely out of order. No two people grieve the same, but everyone needs to feel it and go through it in order to move on.

Ultimately, grief is a form of love. If there is no love lost, then grief would not exist in the first place. The analogy of it being a ball in a box is perfectly true in describing its imperfect nature. How the pain of it is triggered by that one button in the box whenever the ball strikes it, and the pain intensity doesn’t diminish - it’s the ball that grows smaller with time, support, and love both from other people as well as from yourself. It grows smaller with healing.

Sitting and feeling awful emotions. Acknowledging them. Understanding where they come from and why. These are things that are part of an ongoing journey of healing. Sometimes you end up pushing people away and choosing to be alone. Sometimes it’s learning that not everyone grows with you. Sometimes it’s learning that you are not alone and that there are people who do love you and are there for you. Sometimes it’s the process of learning all or one or some of these hard truths. Sometimes it’s learning that you’re not the person you used to be, and you have to discover who that is after a lifetime of being someone else.

At this stage, after so many years of RP, I have come full circle in realising that sometimes the best stories don’t always have to come in collaboration with others. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that you tell on your own, because they are just as precious and significant to you, even if they are not for anyone else including those whom you collaborated with. That’s important too, no?

[todayikilledmybestfriend]

I'm going to vent about #Google because I'm so tired of them.

When I started my own site in 2011 it was on Blogger. At some point we reviewed a comic that was co-written by an international Japanese music artist and Stan Lee. The Japanese artist whose name I don't remember tweeted the review and our traffic shot up, like a thousand fold.

Suddenly I was denied ad revenue by Google, which I thought was weird and didn't look into because at the time ads weren't my focus.

Years later the site #ComicBastards was doing well and we wanted to move into the video space so enter #YouTube and really the only reason to use YouTube is the ads. This is where I find out that I'm permanently blocked from ad revenue on Google.

I look into it and appeal it over and over and finally find out that they suspected I paid for traffic around the time that a international Japanese musician tweeted a review for the site... And I can't appeal.

It sours me on YouTube and Google. A lot.

Now to today's part of the story where I continue to be retaliated again by #Google. I buy the #PixelPro7 on the #PixelPass because you get a phone and everything #Google has to offer in one subscription. I'm enjoying it, the camera is the only reason to get the phone really, but I'm trying apps on the pass until I can't.

My phone tells me I don't have a pixel pass anymore and I'm like, what? Turns out the account I started with Google's partnership flagged Google as fraud because what they don't tell you is that the pixel pass is a separate charge. They supposedly email me, but if they did it went to spam. The bank didn't call me or tell me anything. Google who I bought the phone through didn't call me and only supposedly sent the two emails.

So I call, because I want the pass it's why I subscribed. I'm told they can't reinstate and I escalate the call and I'm told again, no they can't reinstate it. Which is weird right? I called the minute I found out about the issue and yet I can't have it reinstated? My money is not worry?

But really I feel like Google is still retaliating against me. Supposedly a supervisor is going to call me, but I've been told that two other times now and still haven't been called. Most likely I will sell the phone, take a loss on it and never use Google again. That's their aim with their customer service department who would lose nothing from reinstating my pass, but they won't. Google is terrible, YouTube is terrible. I can't wait until someone else disrupts their business model and we get a new platform that isn't terrible. @Google (probably not your real account) but any thoughts on why you retaliate against your customers and user base? # badcustomerservice

[mxtxfanatic]

I've been reading through your mdzs meta (hope that's not too weird! I've loved your different takes on a lot of things!) And I was struck by the line "Jyl makes a choice (however coerced, but that can be another convo) to marry into the Jin" in post /690494124992937984. I never really got behind the ~romance~ of jyl/jzxn but I've only seen one other meta saying maybe they werent in love and tbh I find that idea fascinating for all that it implies

XuanLi is such an interesting couple in that we only learn about them through flashback and they’re mostly used by both the story and most of the people in the story to talk about the tragedy of their doomed lives rather than who they were as people. Now, I have no doubt they loved each other in the course of their very short marriage, as Jin Zixuan is said to confide in Jiang Yanli for everything, to the point of it leading to his death in the story. He is also willing to put aside his animosity towards Wei Wuxian to invite him to his son’s one-month celebration (or 100-day celebration? whichever one) because it would make his wife happy. Jiang Yanli also loves him, as she’s excited at the reinstating of her wedding when she comes to show off her wedding dress in that scene lacking self-awareness, and she genuinely mourns jzx’s death and cannot tell wwx in truth that she forgives him for his hand in killing her husband.However, how they got there? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Jk, I believe it’s in character for jyl to have given jzx another chance to prove himself to her after the debacle of the soup incident during the sunshot campaign that turned her off of him completely. Yet, mxtx does not write jyl softening towards jzx again. Instead, we get these scenes: 1) Madam Jin pressuring a reluctant jyl to spend alone time with jzx during the Phoenix Mountain hunt, who then chooses to leave the scene with wwx despite jzx confessing that actually, it was he who wanted to court her on his own, 2) Jiang Cheng, who before the ssc was moved to violence at any slight jzx visited upon his sister, suddenly deciding that jzx’s past (and current if we count him losing his temper at the hunt) actions towards jyl “don’t matter” because “she likes him, so what can we do 🤷🏻” conveniently as everyone is trying to curry favor from the Jin, and 3) jyl, herself, in every flashback after the soup incident but before the reinstatement of the engagement being shown to be reluctant to be in jzx’s presence or even discuss her feelings about him.

So while I don’t think their marriage was a loveless sham put together purely for politics, and while the couple actually do seem to hold genuine affection for each other in the short time they actually get to be a couple, the lead-up to their marriage after the war is posited as a political move on the part of others around them using their real past (for jyl) and present (for jzx) affections for each other to pretend as if the match was for the couple’s benefit and not for the others. If, theoretically, jyl had decided she didn’t want to marry jzx after all, I think those other characters still would have pressured her into it. On the other hand, if the story had been written that way, I don’t think wwx would have had the hangup of killing his shijie’s “beloved husband,” so we lose a plotpoint there.

[itonje]

I'm not a fan of Miller's book, either. Seriously, what is it with writers pinning women against each other? It's even more confusing when it's a female writer doing it.

If it was just Perse and Pasipäe, okay. If you want to give Circe a bad home life, fine. But Miller does it constantly. Athena was done especially dirty imo. I know she can be pretty petty herself (ex: Arachne, and even then, the reason for turning her into a spider tends to vary), but the way she was portrayed was just so grating. So eager for a champion, I was almost convinced Miller had conflated her with Ares. I don't think the exiled nymphs are even given names, let alone distinguishing personalities, and can we stop dunking on Helen? The Iliad makes it pretty clear that she loved Menelaus and didn't think highly of Paris.

And tbh, the story kinda felt a little repetitive at times, too: Circe meets someone, they get mad at her or leave her, she'll occasionally sleep with someone, rinse and repeat. And granted, she's a pretty minor character in the myths already, but I feel like it would've benefited the story more if she had been given more freedom, that she wasn't restricted to just her island. At the very least, how awesome it would've been if Circe had essentially started her own coven before passing on the role as the head witch of Aiaia to Penelope.

Also, can we stop having sexual assault scenes if the story isn't about that? At least it gives Circe a reason to turn men into literal pigs, but still.

I also don't think it's ever really explained why Circe has a mortal voice, even though she has full Titan blood. She just does. Granted, Perse is a minor nymph, but then what about the rest of her children? I'd get it if it was meant to be an allegory for disabilities, but it just felt like it was added on for the sake of making Circe more of an outcast than she already was.

And this is really more of a nitpick, but for a book that focuses so heavily on witchcraft, it's strange that Hecate wasn't even mentioned. In some versions, she's even Circe's mother. It's also really weird how homosexuality seems to be something that was so uncommon in Ancient Greece as far as these books are concerned, even though we know from history and myth that it wasn't. So yeah, Circe x Penelope would've been pretty awesome!

Blegh, sorry for the rant! I just have alot of thoughts about this book right now! ^^"

ATHENA WAS DONE SO SO DIRTY...it makes no sense even in the telegony itself its her who urges circe to tell telegonus about odyessus. wouldn't it have been more interesting for athena to assist circe in raising telegonus? wouldn't it have been more tragic for telegonus to go kill odyessus at athena's urging of him to go meet him? and then yadda yadda athena and circe can have a falling out then or something yadda yadda i don't know again, i know the gods are written in very specific ways here for the ultimate theme of the book here but like this book is so hard on athena it's so weird when i think that honestly there could have been more interesting for her and circe to work together...

ALSO YEAH MADELINE MILLER HAS A HELEN PROBLEM...i think it was fairer in the song of achilles and i rationalized the helen weirdness in that one by going 'well they're achilles and patroclus of course they won't have choice opinions on helen if from their perspective she's the one that led them into this war' but come on..not in circe too..leave her alone...

and i agree the book really did feel repetitive, but if you're asking me i wish there was more exploration to the episodes circe does get-especially the stint at crete, i wish we had seen more of circe and ariadne's and even her and pasiphae's relationship so bad. they get one conversation where they talk and it was so good but it ends so soon. honestly i feel a lot of the conversations in the book are repetitive as well- someone talking to someone, they reveal something about something else, the first someone is surprised!

also yeah the assault is um. i did not think we needed that scene as explicit as it was but i get that that's routine in these sorts of books at this point...now i will say i don't think a book has to be about that sort of stuff if a book includes them but i do think it should be addressed with care and i dunno if that book does that....

ALSO YEAH...the mortal's voice thing is an epithet given to her in the odyssey without much preamble as to what implications that has or to where she got it from and i don't think the author really had to explain it to make the story work but it would...have been nice to see her come up with an interpretation of what exactly that means for circe

and no i don't think it's a nitpick, i feel the same way irt to the book and witchcraft but the witch i feel like got REALLY shifted was medea. i think there could have been sooo many good parallels with medea and circe here-while circe is hated by her divine family, medea is a darling of helios (and in a fair amount of medea myths she returns to colchis where she's presumably forgiven by aeetes, including that variant where she kills perses to reinstate her father on the throne. i wish that had been mentioned in circe; at least then perses would have a point). while circe becomes a mortal at the end of her story in circe, medea in euripides' medea becomes a goddess herself or close to it while also becoming more monstrous in the process. while circe is constantly accused of caring too much for mortals medea has a fair disregard for the lives of other people (maybe due to her powers to reverse mortality). there could have literally been so much said here not just about divinity and mortality but the boundaries that both circe and medea would cross for the sake of their love oh my god i have no idea why not only her episode in the book was so short but there was very little follow up to what happened with her story afterward ugauwerwherhe

also yeah irt to homosexuality i think it was implied? telegonus was gay which is chill but also come on...give us the iconic greek myth ladies wlw romances.....

[creatively--challenged]

Dark Dealings - i // demon!Tom Holland x Reader au

Pairing: Demon!Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: Implied smut, alcohol, feelings of being watched, slight noncon?

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: Y/N and her friends decide it would be a great idea to mess around with a spell book they find in the library. What happens when she accidentally binds herself to a dangerous demon who takes a huge interest in her?

A/N: Hey guys, here’s the first part to my Demon!Tom au. I aim to make this a 3 part fic though with how much I run away with myself it could end up being longer. Anyway, enjoy! If you would like to be added / removed from my taglist please let me know.

It began as a joke. A book she had found in the library with her friends while they were studying for their final exams. Her best friend, Alex, had checked the book out to bring back to their apartment after the exam, something to incite excitement as they dimmed the lights, lit candles, drew the curtains and finally opened the heavy, leather bound, tome of what looked to be spells, hexes, and diagrams of summoning circles. Glasses of wine in hands, the girls lit some incense and candles, gathered around the giant rug in the middle of their living room with fluffy blankets around their shoulders, and pored over the ‘ridiculous’ book.

                “Can you believe they had this in a university library?” Alex sniggered, eyes sweeping over a supposed ‘love charm’, albeit with vague interest.  Y/N laughed lightly, raising the wine glass to her lips and letting out a contented sigh after she took a generous swig, thankful for the deep red liquid after the long week of exams.

                “If you think it’s so ridiculous why did you take it home and insist we all gather around in the dark to read it?” She questioned, quirking her eyebrows at Alex as she continued to scan through the book.

                “For fun. Same reason kids tell ghost stories at sleepovers even if they don’t believe in them.” She rolled her eyes, “Plus, if there’s a luck spell in here I might just give it a go anyway in the hopes it’ll help me pass those exams.” All of the girls raised their glasses to that.

                “I’m with you on that, although I might just try that love charm too, just in case, you know?” Maia, their other roommate, chimed in.

                Y/N leaned her head back against the sofa she was sitting against, eyes closed, finally relaxing after a long week as her two closest friends giggled about different pages in the book, listing a plethora of ‘spells’ such as one to find a lost item, a summoning spell for a desire demon, a hex for someone who had crossed you, and a charm for protection, which elicited a few giggles from the two girls. Y/N definitely heard the words “free birth control” through the laughter.

                “Hey, Y’N! This one’s for you, ‘A guiding spell to help you find someone worthy of your love’, it’s perfect! Maybe if you give this one a go you’ll stop bringing home god-awful dates.” Maia winked at you and Alex burst into laughter. Y/N rolled her eyes. Yes, she has had some terrible dates. Okay, she’s had a lot of terrible dates, and one or two terrible boyfriends too, but she never worried herself over it. That’s what college was for, right?

                “Excuse you! I didn’t mention anything about that blonde you came home with last Friday that barely lasted 5 minutes before I heard the front door open and close again.” Y/N shot back, Alex gasping and erupting into more chuckles as she watched her roommates tease each other.

                “You know what?” Alex said when she’d sobered up, “I say we all do it. We’re all worthy of love and God knows we’ve all been with awful people, be they one-night stands or relationships.” She admitted while reading through the steps to the spell.

                “Yes! Let’s do it, maybe we’ll magically meet some boys –“

                “And girls!”

                “-And girls that will make up for the past 5 years of dating.” Maia finished, shooting Alex an apologetic look. Y/N hummed and thought to go along with the girls’ plan. She’d like to think it was purely to keep them happy though the idea of the spell did seem tantalizing and if, by some miracle, it worked? She’d never snigger at corny TV shows where girls use love spells to find romance ever again.

                “Okay, I’m in. What do we need to do?” Alex started to explain the ingredients they needed, all common things that they probably had lying around the house. Flower petals from the weekly bouquet of flowers Maia bought, an apple each, more candles, and a lock of hair from each of them. As the girls gathered the ingredients and bowls to perform the spell and refilled their wine glasses, Y/N flicked through the book herself. Some pages were in English, though some appeared to be in Latin and she could not even make out the titles or purposes of those ones. It was almost as if there were two books stitched together, as the Latin pages looked far older than the ones written in English. Just as she came across a particularly serious looking spell with a lot of Latin inscriptions and diagrams that looked quite daunting she was jolted into an upright position by Alex calling her loudly from the kitchen. Y/N jumped and dropped the book back onto the luscious rug on the floor, earning a deep papercut on her finger in the process. She scowled as she turned towards the arch leading into the kitchen and held her finger up to her mouth to stop the blood from trickling down her hand.

                “Jesus, what? What’s so important you had to scare me half to death for?” She felt a little embarrassed about being scared so easily.

                “Do we have more wine?”  Alex asked, ignoring Y/N’s glares.

                “Ughhh yeah, on top of the fridge, I think?” She asked, finger still in her mouth.

                Y/N sat back against the couch, re-wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and waited on the girls to sit back down. She glanced around the room, feeling at ease in the dimly lit room as the shadows bounced in accordance with the dancing flames of the candles, until something felt suddenly… different. She wasn’t sure what it was, if anything at all, but she felt as if she was being watched. She subtly checked the windows but the thick, velvet, plum coloured curtains were heavily drawn shut without even a crack of the outside visible. The front door to the flat was also locked, she had made sure herself before she’d opened her wine. She glanced back to the book and found that when she had dropped it, it had fallen open on the page of the love spell they were about to perform, coincidentally.

                Maia and Alex eventually gathered themselves back around the ruby rug brandishing a new bottle of wine to share and placing the ingredients they needed around the tome.

                “Okay. So, we each have to hold our apples and imagine what kind of person we think we deserve the most, imbuing our apple with our wishes for love and filling it with the idea of our worthy partner. Then, we place the apples in our bowl, sprinkle our petals over the apples while holding onto the thought of that person, place our locks of hair into our bowls over the apple to attach the idea to our bodies, and then drop in the flower petals. Finally, light your candle and drip wax from it into the bowl while saying the incantation aloud.” Alex finished while passing a small scissors around for them to cut off a small lock of hair.

                Maia eyed the scissors skeptically. “You sure are serious about this, aren’t you? Do we have to cut our hair?” Alex rolled her eyes.

              “It’s only a little bit, you won’t even notice.”

 They all completed the steps to the spell in order, and finally all three read the incantation aloud, before reaching around to hold hands and wait. Except, nothing happened. The three eyed their bowls and each other in expectance.

                “Is something supposed to happen? What does the book say?” Maia asked, reaching for the book.

                “It doesn’t say! The page stops after the incantation… I suppose it’s not even real anyway. And if it is, we won’t really know, will we?” Y/N admits, finishing the rest of her wine before filling her glass up again generously while Alex suggests they do another one, one of the slightly more sinister looking ones.

                “No, absolutely not. I’m not cutting any more hair for a joke that none of us even believe anyway. Let’s just relax and talk about anything other than college or witchcraft, thank you.” Maia laid her head back against the couch, exhaling deeply, while Y/N agreed and Alex eventually gave in and started filling her friends in on her last escapade with a gorgeous girl from her Pysch lectures.

                Y/N checks her phone after a while, noting it was almost 3am. Maia had fallen asleep on the couch and now Alex wrestled with her to get her into bed, whispering a good night as she half carried Maia in the direction of their rooms. Y/N elected to tidy up the living room before bed, feeling more than just a little tired after the events of the day. As she turned the kitchen lights off and moved to the living room to pick up some stray cushions and throw blankets she felt that same strange uneasiness again. She eyed the book sideways, then shook her head, moving to blow out the candles that scattered the room. As she moved towards the centre of the room, she bent down to the book still lying on the floor and placed it on the coffee table. With a slight chuckle, she shook her head again at her apprehensive demeanour towards the bundle of pages.

She moved to walk out of the room and bent to blow out the last candle when she felt it again, but stronger this time. It overwhelmed her, and it wasn’t just an uneasiness this time, but fear. The kind that glued her to where she stood, even when she could clearly hear something move behind her. Eventually she found the courage to whip around, fists brandished as if she could fight off whatever intruder she came in contact with. Except… there was nobody there. Not that she could see much in the dim lighting, anyway, but the uneasiness disappeared. As quickly as it came, it went, though it was reinstated by fear again quickly, this time as a result of the sight of the spell book lying wide open on the floor from where Y/N had moved it.

She willed herself to move forward, closer to the book, eyes scanning the room for movement, and upon closer inspection she noticed the book hadn’t opened on the love spell this time. No, it was open on the page of a daunting looking Latin inscription, with carnal looking symbols and what looked like warnings scattered around the page. As she investigated the page closer, she noticed a smudge of what looked like blood down the side of the page. She felt an abrupt chill down her spine before she felt a hand cover her mouth from behind, while another wrapped around her waist and pulled her back into a feverishly warm body.

 “Why hello, darling. What have we here?” She felt lips against the shell of her ear and a devilishly low and raspy voice sounded in her ear. Y/N tried to struggle, to turn around and face her attacker, though she was trapped in his vice-like grip and found she could barely move an inch. “Now, now, let’s not be too hasty. Here’s what’s going to happen; I’m going to let you go and you’re going to turn around nice and slowly and stay quiet lest you want something terrible to happen to your little friends, not that they’re sober enough to do much, anyway. Understood?” She felt his hot breath against her ear and his lips brushed her jaw as he spoke, his voice deathly low and almost intoxicating. Y/N whimpered and nodded her head as much as his iron grip on her allowed.

She felt his arms loosen slightly, enough for her to turn herself around in them and face him slowly. She felt strangely compelled to do exactly as he said as the thought of crying out for help or making a dash for it didn’t even seem to cross her mind, something she guessed he knew as she caught her first glimpse of him, a confident, cocky almost, smirk adorned his perfect lips. It took her a second to take in the sight of him; he was perhaps the most attractive man she had ever seen, not much taller than she, though his demeanour made him seem 10ft tall. She found herself caught in his eyes, so dark she thought they were black, and noted him studying her as much as she studied him. He emanated a seductive aura, though there was definitely something off about this man, for he also gave off a distinct sense of danger.

 “How did you get into my house?” She tried to keep her voice steady, she dared not let him see how scared she was. He chuckled eerily at her and the area around him seemed to darken as his grip on her got tighter.

 “Why, darling, you invited me.” He leaned in close to her, his smell intoxicating, but strangely pleasant, addictive almost. Her face screwed up in confusion and just as she was going to protest, his dark eyes fluttered to the book lying open on the table, displaying the ancient looking scripture and the blood soaking the page. She wasn’t entirely sure what was going on but before she got a chance to ask him he’d spun her around and shoved her against the nearest wall, pressing his all too warm body against hers and holding her in place. When she struggled to get out of his grip he took hold of her chin, bringing her face up to his, his grip was solid, though not exactly painful. She was forced to look into his eyes, and a whimper fell from her lips as she noticed the whites of them were completely gone, his fully black orbs boring into hers as he smiled devilishly at her, almost sizing her up as if she was meat at the butcher’s counter.

 “What do you want?”

 “You. Just you.” His hand travelling down her body forced a gasp from her lips and he took this opportunity to dive forward and attach his mouth to hers, kissing her viciously, tongue delving in and out at his own pace, nipping her lips with his strangely sharp teeth. He pulled back as she caught her breath, utterly terrified, and his black eyes bored deep into hers while his mouth held a devious smirk.

 “Don’t you know not to play with magic you don’t understand? Why, you could be inviting any and all demons into your home.” He smirked as horror took over her face. Suddenly he lurched forward and clamped a hand over her mouth as he sank his teeth into the skin where her neck met her shoulder. She felt the world go black around her, an evil lingering in her skin, and felt his arms around her as he continued to mark her as his own. He broke away from her skin and the last thing she felt was his lips brushing her ear as he whispered softly to her;

 “Doesn’t matter anymore; you’re all mine now.”

Taglist : @cyrusandhiscollaredahirts​

@rachaeldonnaspiteri1​ @averyfosterthoughts​

[makingqueerhistory]

2020 Goals

If there is anything I have learned while working at Making Queer History, it is that there is always room for improvement.

So in 2020, we are committing to more:

Asexual and Aromantic People: While we do have a comparatively good amount of coverage on this front, there is still a lot of room for improvement. We are lucky enough to benefit from a lot of groundbreaking historians and archivists who have shared incredible stories of queerness throughout history with us. Unfortunately, many of these accounts just do not include asexual or aromantic people at all, which means sometimes we will be breaking new ground. That means mistakes will happen, and we hope we have built a community here that feels comfortable pointing out when they do so we can continue to improve.

Intersex People: Shout out to the person who called us in on this one. While again we have written about intersex people before, I was a little intimidated. I am not intersex, and while I have done research into the intersex community, there will always be a knowledge gap there, but that isn’t a good reason to only mention this community in passing. We are going to do better this year.

Countries: We have stories from over sixty countries so far, and are so excited to find more.

Stories Written by the People in the Community They are About: Which means more guest authors! Emphasis on asexual, aromantic, intersex, and international writers this year. 

Consistency: With our small staff, and health shenanigans, I don’t think a perfect schedule is in the near future, but a personal goal of mine is to write these articles more consistently, rain or shine and not wait until too last minute.

Talking with Y’all: Very honestly, aphobic, transphobic, and generally not great people, have made it a little difficult to interact on social media in the past little while. Most of the worst we have decided not to respond to, but seeing it all the time has given me a bit of anxiety whenever I check our notifications and messages. Which has made me avoid both, and that has made it so I feel a little isolated from all of the amazing people who follow us. One thing we are going to be doing is on the 12th of each month we will be doing a question and answer period. This month it was on our Instagram and it was a lot of fun, so hopefully, we will be able to interact a lot more with all of you amazing folks. 

Rewards: We stopped sending out stickers to all our one dollar patrons because we weren’t able to afford it for a while, but I really missed doing it so it has been officially reinstated!

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Riverdale 5x03 Review

Wow I’ve got to say I’m actually impressed with Riverdale this episode, I really enjoyed it and I got emotional soo many times. I think it was well written for the most part and a really good send off for the characters as teenagers. I think it would have hit even harder if it had aired as a season finale like it was meant to but overall I really liked this episode which I’m glad because I was a little wary going into it after 5x02 which I didn’t really enjoy that much. Anyway we’ve got lots to talk about so lets jump in. As always these are just my own views and opinions and naturally there are spoilers. 

Jelly Bean and FP. 

So first I figured we can talk about the fallout from last episode and the reveal that Jelly Bean was behind the tapes. One little thing that did make me laugh a  was when Jughead is narrating over the opening and he talks about the darkness in the people of the town and he lists Cliff Blossom, The Black Hood, The Gargoyle King and The Stonies you know all these murders and attempted murders and then he adds Jelly Bean to the list. I mean Jughead sweetie I get that you are upset about your sister making those tapes and that’s completely understandable I’m just not sure its quite on the same level as all the other people in the list in the grand scheme of things. I mean I get what the writers were trying to get at with that statement but it just tickled me a little is all, don’t think it was supposed to but well I’m weird, I’m a weirdo so I found it funny and kinda overdramatic. But onto more serious things I actually loved the way Alice and FP handled the situation I mean kudos to Alice for doing the right thing and suggesting not just therapy but a therapist that specialises in child therapy. I think that is exactly what Jelly Bean needs (and all of the characters really) so I’m really glad that Alice suggested that. At the same time I do think FP was right in deciding to take Jelly Bean back to her mum and stay so that Jelly bean has the support of both of her parents there. I do think that alot of Jelly Bean’s anxiety about Jughead leaving comes from her abandonment issues. If you think about it first her family is split in two with her being in Toledo with her mum and her brother and dad being in Riverdale, then her family comes back together again and she’s then abandoned by her mother. Then her brother leaves to go to school and is nearly killed. All of this was probably really traumatic for her and obviously had a huge effect on her. I think having a stable support system away from Riverdale and its influences for a little while will be good for her and help her recover with some help from therapy, lots of therapy. 

One thing I didn’t really understand and think could have been better explained is what happened with Jelly Bean’s friends. I mean for one thing we are never told why they are hiding out in Archie’s gym like don’t they have homes? Also they had Tom Keller reinstated as Sheriff and they took him with them to find the kids so does that mean they were arrested? And if they were arrested then why did Jelly Bean get off scott free? I have so many questions about that scene. 

FP’s send off was really well done in my opinion. I had a lot of respect for him putting his foot down and telling Jughead no he was going to Iowa when Jug said he wanted to go to Toledo with his dad and Jelly Bean. Also that speech about how Jug going to College and being successful will be good for the Joneses is so true. I mean seeing Jughead go to college and making something of himself will give Jelly Bean something to look up to and for her to know that just because she comes from a family that is underpriveledge doesn’t mean that she can’t strive for success and chase her dreams and I think that is an amazing message to send. That being said seeing FP and Jughead say good bye was really sad and you could feel the emotion in that scene of a father having to let go of his son and let him make his own way now and also Jughead’s worry about going out on his own again and being without his family. It was just a touching scene and one that I relate to so much because it reminded me of when I said goodbye to my mum when I went to Uni and that mix of excitement and terror at having to be on my own, I left home at 16 but I had never been that far away from my family before so despite knowing that I could take care of myself (I had already taken care of myself  for 3 years at this point) I was still really anxious at being away from my mum so I could really relate to Jughead in that moment. He knows he can take care of himself he’s done it before but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t anxious about not being in the same town as his dad anymore. 

Speaking of heartbreaking scenes Alice saying goodbye to FP. It was beautiful, sad and yet hopeful at the same time. I mean when she asked if this was the end of their story and he replied ‘god, I hope not’ it really made me tear up.  Also I love that Alice understood why he needed to do this and even says she loves him for it. FP has grown so much over the last 4 seasons and now he’s become a man who will do anything for his kids and I think Alice really does love that about him. Also I’m going to be honest I felt so bad for Alice this episode especially when she was talking about how she had imagined Thanksgiving and having her whole family there Betty and Polly and the twins, Jughead, Jelly Bean, FP and Charles and now she’s going to be alone that is just so sad and feel really bad for Alice despite mistakes she may have made in the past she doesn’t deserve the deal she’s been dealt. Also as a side note I’m glad they at least made a small mention of Charles and how Alice is sad about that situation, I actually wasn’t expecting his name to be dropped at all this episode so it was better than nothing. 

The last thing I will say about this plotline is that I loved the shot of FP and Jelly Bean riding away in their Serpent jackets and being escorted by the Serpents. It gave a feel of royalty on the move like a motorcade or something which I thought was a nice touch and a little reminder of how Serpents stick by each other. 

The Graduation

Obviously the big theme of this episode was the teens graduating and those scenes were really touching. First there was the whole debate about whether Jug and Arch would be graduating. I was happy for Jug but felt so bad for Archie when he find out that not only was he not graduating but he would have to repeat his whole senior year. I do like that Mr Weatherby reassured him that nobody would hold the year against Archie because Archie really did have a crappy year so it’s not really surprising he isn’t able to graduate. I’m also glad that Weatherby said he could walk with his friends and wanted to make him feel included by asking him to write and record a song for the ceremony. I’m also really glad that they got to have their year books. 

But what I think made these moments so much more emotional were all the little nods to both Jason and Fred. I got the feels so much when Archie was standing in the hall looking around at all the other teens with their parents and fathers and you could just see that in that moment he was really missing his dad. Another moment that was really sad for me was a little earlier in the episode when Archie has the same dream his dad had when he had been shot and its fred taking pictures for Graduation and says he never thought he’d live to see this day. It is so heartbreaking because he really didn’t and its not fair.  Also Cheryl was in her feels about her brother. I mean it must make her really miss Jason when you think he should have been graduating alongside her.  

Betty’s speech at the ceremony was good too. There were so many moments in there that punched you right to the gut. When she talked about how it wasn’t fair that so many of their classmates weren’t there to walk with them, I couldn’t help but think of Jason, Midge, Ben, Dilton Doiley and even characters who didn’t die but left riverdale just to escape like Moose and Josie. Then she gives another punch to the heart when she talks about how its not fair that some of their parents aren’t there to see them and I’m back in my Fred feels. I also liked how she said she hoped the Riverdale they all remembered was the sleepy quiet town that existed before all the violence and how she wishes that town for the next generation. But my favourite part of her speech was when she said to stay young to stay innocent even if it was just for a moment. 

Another scene I really liked was when they buried the time capsule. I liked all the items they placed in there, I don’t think that they would be much help to teens opening it in the future to see what it was like back then but each item was personal to each character and I really liked that. 

Cheryl, Toni and the Blossom Legacy. 

First off can I just talk about Penelope for a moment and how funny that scene at graduation was. She literally just popped out of the bushes and was kinda sweet in a very weird way I mean it was nice that she wanted to see Cheryl graduate but at the same time she still called her a nightmare child which I don’t know maybe it’s a term of endearment. Also I love how she’s decided to turn herself in but has done it in a way that best suits her, like she’s spoken to Hiram to make sure she is comfortable and protected in his jail and also she’s only planning to be in there a few years. Lets be real I think mostly the only reason she is doing this is because she’s tired of hiding in the walls so she figures a few years behind bars won’t be so bad if it means she can walk around freely afterwards. 

Now onto Cheryl I was surprised that she decided not to go to College and instead she wants to rebuild Thorn Hill and the Blossom name. Also as sad as the scene where they kind of break up is I do think it will better for Toni now that Cheryl has let her go. I do think they will come back together again but I think they need a little distance from each other as Toni has become too wrapped up in all the Blossom drama. I think Toni needs to focus on herself for a while and Cheryl knows this. I also love that Cheryl is doing all of this so that she can be a person worthy of Toni and escape the curse of her family’s name. It is interesting to me that Cheryl is choosing to kind of return to her roots and regrow and I am excited to see how they have both grown come the timejump.  

The Core Four     

So alot happened with the core four this episode and you know I actually kinda liked what they did with them. As a Barchie shipper at first I was upset that Archie and Betty didn’t get a one on one scene like the others did. At first it made no sense to me I mean Veronica and Archie got one, Archie and Jughead got one, Veronica and Betty got one so it seemed really odd to me that Betty and Archie who have been childhood friends didn’t get a big goodbye scene or an emotional talk about the kiss like the others did. But then I figured that actually it bodes really well for Barchie that they didn’t get that emotional scene. Why you might ask? Well I’m sure B*ghead and V*rchie shippers will disagree with me and that’s fine this is just my interpretation of it but I do feel like they closed the book on the original couples this episode. To me it did kinda feel like a goodbye to V*rchie and B*ghead. Now I’m not saying that they’ll never reopen those books, I don’t know what the future will hold but for now it definitely feels like those couples have come to an end and gotten closure. However Betty and Archie never got that and I think the reason for that is because their story isn’t done yet. There are a couple of other reasons why I think that they are deliberately leaving the Barchie storyline open and that’s the shot at the end of the episode when Jug a year later is at Pop’s and when the door opens and he looks over its Barchie look a likes. I thought this was really interesting. Like why choose to have two people who look like Betty and Archie come through that door. Was it because they are the two who Jughead misses the most? I mean lets be honest he wasn’t that close to Veronica (which was criminal in my opinion but I digress). What I find most interesting is that these two look a likes are clearly a couple. One theory could be that this is suppose to show that Jughead is still hurt by Betty and Archie’s kiss. But I think it could also be a little nod of what’s to come I mean this scene is shot with Jughead narrating about the future over the top and how they would all be different people. Of course it could be wishful thinking on my part. Another reason I think they might still have the book open for Barchie is because of something RAS said a while back, I can’t find it now but it was something along the lines of how we still hadn’t heard all of Archie’s song and that Betty had kept one of her diary’s and so the door was still open for Barchie. He specifically mentioned these two things. Well since then we have now heard the whole song but the diary still hasn’t come back into play yet which makes me wonder if it will after the timejump. Of course it could just be that the writers forgot about it or changed it but I’m choosing to cling to that little bit of hope. Also there is the fact that KJ talked about how he’s been working alot with Lili so I do still think we should be getting plenty of Barchie content in the next coming episodes.

So now I want to talk about Veronica and Archie. When I saw the promo and realised that they were probably going to have another love scene I was a bit wary about it as I wasn’t sure it was at all necessary. But surprisingly I actually didn’t mind it. I could understand the feelings behind it. They both knew that their relationship is over but that doesn’t mean that the love they have for each other has just disappeared it doesn’t work that way. So I can understand why they wanted one more night together, to live in a moment and not worry about anything else. I actually thought it was really sweet. I also think Veronica’s reaction to Archie joining the Army was understandable. I mean she already feels like she is losing him, she’s going away to college and their relationship has come to an end and then on top of all that she finds out that he is joining the army and will likely end up in a warzone where he could be hurt or even killed that must be terrifying for her. On top of that whilst I think she suspected that he was thinking about it his decision is sudden and so she might feel like he hasn’t thought it through properly. I really felt it when she was talking to Betty and said that the thing that was eating her up was the way it was ending, that it was unresolved and that she had wished she had said goodbye and hugged him on more time. Which brings me to one of my favourite scenes of the episode. I loved when Archie is looking at the photo of his dad and he has the flashbacks of all the things he’s leaving behind in Riverdale, all the things he’s saying goodbye to then he looks out his window and sees Veronica, Betty and Jughead in the Jalopy. I don’t know why but something about this scene made me feel a little choked up and the soundtrack that went along with it was chilling. I think the goodbye scene between Archie and Veronica was again really sweet and I think it was a nice end to their romantic relationship. 

Ok Betty and Jughead next. Now I might not have been a B*ghead shipper but I didn’t hate them as a couple and I like and care about their characters so seeing their break up was so painful. My heart really did break for them. I mean the moment Betty says that she has to tell him something and you see his eyes well up and him whisper ‘oh no’ our boy knew what was coming and I think it was something he dreaded but also always believed would happen eventually. Just like the V*rchie love scene I really did think I would hate the B*ghead love scene but again I think it made sense for the characters in that moment. They were both in pain and looking for comfort and were just clinging to that moment because deep down they both knew what was coming but wanted to hold it off as long as possible. It wasn’t at all the healthiest way of dealing with it but it was a very young teenage response. I do want to just say that Cole’s acting in that moment when he finds out the truth was on point he did an amazing job. I mean you can literally see him go through so many emotions in those few seconds, first the dread and realisation, then the shock and pain, then anger, then heartbreak and then desperation. I was surprised that the reason why they break up is ultimately because of the kiss it seemed like from RAS’s interviews that it was going to be the distance that broke them up and whilst it played a part ultimately I do think that it was the kiss that was the main reason. I think alot of what causes that distance between them in those final weeks before Betty leaves is that Jughead knows that its not just a kiss that there are real feelings behind it. I think this is a big reason why they don’t talk about it because I don’t think Jug was ready to actually hear her say it and I don’t think Betty was ready to confront that she does have feelings for Archie. I do feel like Betty and Jughead’s goodbye was sadder because of that distance that grew between them. Whilst I think Archie and Veronica had already excepted that it was over for them Betty and Jughead held on longer and were more in denial in my opinion. But that’s just my interpretation of it. 

Another thing I want to touch on real quick is that I know alot of people didn’t like the reactions Veronica and Jughead had to the whole cheating storyline and thought that they weren’t angry enough but I didn’t mind their reactions. I think they were obviously upset its just that there were bigger things going on in their lives. I mean Veronica says she can’t be angry at Betty right now because of everything that is going on with Archie. That doesn’t mean she won’t go through those stages of anger later, we just either won’t see them or will see them in flashbacks. It’s the same with Jughead he clearly isn’t uneffected, he tells Archie its fine but then we see him and Betty drifting apart because of it so to me their reactions made sense within the context of what was going on at the time. I do think those feelings of anger will come through and that could be why only Jughead shows up a year later. I did think that end scene of seeing Juggie on his own was so heartbreaking. I do wonder why none of them show up. I mean if I was going to guess then I’m assuming Archie was deployed and couldn’t. I’m not sure about Betty and Veronica though unless like I said that anger does eventually come through and her and Betty have a falling out and so its too awkard for them to come but I’m just guessing with that one.       

Now I want to talk a little more about Barchie, I know I touched on it a little before but I want to talk about a couple of other things. The first is Betty’s reaction to hearing Archie was joining the Army. I know alot of people felt like it came across as Betty not caring that Archie had joined especially when you compare her reaction to Veronica’s but I didn’t see it that way at all. Sometimes the best way you can love a person is by accepting and supporting their decisions even if you yourself have doubts about it or fears about it. I think this is what Betty does. If you look at her facial expression in that moment you can see that she’s not happy about the news and that she is concerned but she also knows Archie and she trusts him to make his own decisions and to trust his own judgement so she chooses to support him. Right before she says that she supports him he says that for the first time he doesn’t feel scared or uncertain about the future and I think Betty trusts in his certainty. Also I loved their hug goodbye. It might only have been short but it was adorable I especially liked how Betty buried her nose in his shoulder so she could smell his jacket one last time. I also thought it was cute how he said see you in a year to her even if that didn’t end up happening. Another thing that I thought was interesting is going back to those flashbacks I mentioned earlier, it was odd and interesting that none of those flashbacks had any one on one scenes of Betty, she was included in some of the group shots but no Barchie moments not even just friendship moments. Again I said I did feel like this moment was Archie saying goodbye to those things he was leaving behind, this episode as a whole felt like a goodbye or a closing of a chapter but at no point in the episode did I feel like he was saying goodbye to Betty. Even when they hug it ends with him saying see you in a year which to me is interesting and again really does make me think that they are leaving that door open for Barchie. Of course it could just me but I do feel like the writers made a consious decision to make sure that it didn’t feel like Barchie were getting closure. 

Time jump/ 5x04 Theories.

To finish off I just want to throw out some theories of what I think is going to happen in the next episode and maybe a little further into the time jump and I am basing these off some spoilers we got but largely the two promos that have been released. So if you are trying to stay completely spoiler free about the time jump then stop reading now. 

So I am going to start with the first promo that was released and go through it sort of shot by shot and talk about any notes I have if that makes sense. 

1) We know that Archie went to war and I’ve already made a post about this but the first few shots was scenes of war on a football pitch which I did sadly see quite a few people laughing about. The reason why that saddens me and I’m trying not to judge anyone here because I know people sometimes use humor to deal with dark subjects but this is obviously a flashback Archie is having from his time at war not actual scenes of the war if that makes sense. I think the scene will be Archie coaching the boys and maybe he sees one of the boys get tackled to the ground and that triggers a flashback which is why in those scenes you can see football players laying on the ground as well as soldiers. Personally this isn’t something I can laugh about just because of the serious nature of the topic but then people might not have realised what those scenes were showing so like I said trying not to judge. 

2) This is kinda linked to the one above but I made a theory post way back when season 4 had just finished up and we had just got that casting of Archie’s friend Eric who lost his leg and I said I reckoned the show was going to use Eric to show the physical trauma war can have on a person and that I thought whatever event caused Eric to lose his leg would also injure Archie and that’s why he would return home and that they would use Archie to show the mental trauma that war can have and how Archie was going to be struggling with PTSD and survivor’s guilt. Judging from the scenes in the promo where we see Archie surrounded by explosions and then him in a hospital bed with a officer asking if he was ready to go home I’m sticking with this theory.  

3) It looks like Jughead successfully managed to publish one book but is now struggling to write another it gives me a lot of Lucas vibes from OTH. I reckon once he is back in Riverdale and he finds a new mystery he’ll get past that writers block and I reckon Tabitha will be a help with that as I heard some spoilers that her and Jughead become friends which I am excited to see. 

4) It looks like Betty who is now an FBI agent is going to go through something tramatic as hell in the shots it looks like she is stuck down a well in a barn or something like that and there is a masked figure looking down at her, the whole scene looks terrifying and I’m going to guess that she was working on a case and got captured. 

Ok now I’m going to move on to the next promo. 

5) I’m going to start with this one because it kinda links back to the one above but it looks like Betty is having flashbacks to her captors. There’s a shot of her screaming and a masked man that looks similar to the one in the first promo coming at her with a chainsaw. Now this could be real and there could really be someone invading her home but something makes me feel like she is hallucinating. Also theres a shot that looks like its Archie breaking down Betty’s door and knocking out a guy in a leather coat so maybe this guy breaks in and Betty hallucinates that its the guy who captured her, Archie hears her scream and comes to her rescue. 

6) My eyes could be decieving me on this one but it looks like Barchie are going to get a shower scene. Which as a Barchie shipper obviously I’m excited about that. But I do think the fact that they both seem to be suffering from PTSD and flashbacks is what’s going to bring Barchie back together and they’ll help each other through that. I could see this scene happening right after the invader scene where Archie is trying to comfort Betty. 

7) Toni is an absolute queen. This isn’t really a theory I just wanted to say that I mean did you see those shots of her pregnant on stage all decked out and dancing with the serpents. 

8) This is a theory though Toni as we know is pregnant and my theory for this is either one she had a one night stand with some stranger and that’s whose baby it is or two which I like better she is acting as a kind of surrogate for Kangs but the baby is also hers and Cheryls and the four of them are going to raise it together. Think Silver and Teddy and Shane from 90210. 

9) It’s possible that Cheryl and Toni are married. There’s a shot of Cheryl sitting at a desk and the name plate says Ms Topaz. However it could also just be that Cheryl is sitting at Toni’s desk so I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. Also if they are married it doesn’t explain why Toni is living with Kangs and Cheryl isn’t unless part of the surrogacy deal (if there is one of course) is that Toni has to live with them during the pregnancy. 

10) It looks like the whole gang are going to band together against Hiram who has been wrecking Riverdale I mean there was that shot of Toni and Archie and it looks like the homeless population has gotten out of control so most likely Hiram has been buying then pulling down homes so now alot of people have no where to go. Also it looks like Hiram is trying to shut down Riverdale High so the gang all become teachers to try and keep it open. I don’t think this is going to lead anywhere good and will probably lead to an all out war between the gang and Hiram. 

This isn’t really a theory just a thought I had on a theory but I’ve seen one going around that they think Archie is going to be the dad of Toni’s baby. I don’t think this is likely I just think they might have some friendship building which will be nice to see as I’ve said soo many times now one thing I want from Riverdale is to see different characters interacting so it looks like we are going to get that. Also one of the biggest reasons I don’t think Archie is the baby’s dad is because we see him arriving back in Riverdale so its likely he hasn’t seen Toni to impregnate her but this is Riverdale so who the hell knows pretty much anything is possible. 

Anyway I am going to wrap it up here. I am very excited to see where the season goes so I’ll catch you all on the flip side.  

[aeschen]

Richilde

Richilde turns Show White

When the Grimms wrote Schneewittchen (Snow White), they knew an earlier version (called Richilde) written by Karl August Musäus (1735-1787) – see underneath (it’s a long story) – but they omitted one of the main actors, a Jewish doctor, who was inherently pious and didn’t want to commit murder crime.

Karl August Musäus.

By User Manu on de.wikipedia - Originally from de.wikipedia; description page is (was) here17:16, 10. Okt 2004 Manu 200 x 276 (20.767 Byte), Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=834914

Fairy Tale Richilde

The story is unbelievably lengthy with lots of side stories. But finally, Richilde becomes stepmother of a beautiful girl named Bianca who lives at one of the former places of Richilde's new husband.

Now, Richilde was extraordinarily vain and for that she used a magical mirror that could prove that she was and still is the most beautiful - as in the later fairy tale the stepmother of Snow White would do.

Spiegel blink, Spiegel blank, Goldner Spiegel an der Wand, Zeig mir an die schönste Dirn in Brabant 

Mirror shiny, Mirror blank, Golden mirror on the wall,  Show me who is the most beautiful maid in Brabant

In the course of the events (we know how long they are), Richilde uses the Jewish doctor Sambul to poison a Pomegranate that should be given to her beautiful stepdaughter Bianca – in exchange for 50 gold pieces –  which made the Jew happily strike his beard and comply with her request (or so it seems, but the Fairy Tale tells us later that he intentionally used only a strong narcotic substance for injection into one side of the pomegranate). And yes, Bianca survived the murder attack.

The poisonous soap is delivered

Furious about the Jew’s assumed incompetence, she demanded from him to make a poisonous soap that was to be delivered by a treacherous woman. But also this attempt failed, because the Jew had only used strong poppy tears.

⁋ This time, the Jew was put in custody (tower), chained and severely punished: his beard was pulled off hair by hair and his ears cut off.

At this point the story tells us:  though the doctor Sambul was in principle a pious Israelite who did not take pleasure in any mischievous work, except when the predilection for the noble metals sometimes stretched his narrow conscience a little bit. 

Then he was ordered to prepare a poisoned letter. In order to save his life, he wanted to comply but Bianca’s protective angel fought with him heavily until he agreed to not to make a poisonous substance, but, as before, only a strong sedative.

⁋ Not making a real poisonous substance meant that he was willing to endanger his live. Then the letter was handed out to Bianca and she ‘died’.

Richilde, the stepmother, believed she was dead (thanks to the Jewish doctor). But Bianca was resurrected by a young pilgrim / knight who wanted to marry her, but before doing so he wanted to take revenge on Bianca’s stepmother. For this, he travelled to Richilde and pretended to be willing to marry her (to which she happily agreed).

Resurrection

Then, Richilde officially reinstated the doctor (without ears) for he may again proof valuable to get rid of her forthcoming new mother-in-law.  

She agreed to travel to her new home and after arriving she started to prepare the wedding, not knowing that she was tricked.  At the wedding day she was confronted with a story about a murderous woman and Richilde (in order to show deep embarrassment and circumvent any doubt that may fall on her)  she sentenced the fictitious mother to having to dance in heated-up iron shoes. Finally, her own murderous deeds were revealed and she was condemned to suffer the same punishment she had suggested.

So, she had to dance in heated-up iron shoes. After that ordeal, Sambul cooked a balm to sooth her pain.

Heating up the iron shoes

Richilde in the Tower

Bianca and her husband enjoyed their paradise-like marriage and rewarded Sambul because he did not kill her though he could have done. And because of this, he was also blessed by the heavenly realm. His off-springs blossomed. One of his descendants (the Jew Samuel Sambul) stood tall as a cedar in the house of Israel and served well the Mauritanian majesty, King of Morocco, and lived – with the exception of some bastinados on the soles of his feet, happily ever after.

… well, indeed a looong and convoluted story (not as nicely polished as the Grimm tales), wherein a Jew plays an important part. He is depicted to be skillful, not adverse to monetary rewards, but still with a conscience that could be awakened ot strengthened (if only by force), and  finally unwilling to commit murder even when his life was in danger.

His descendants blossomed and one of them was well respected by the King of Morocco … but still it seems he needed some good bastinados on the soles of his feet from time to time !!!

Now, The Grimm Brothers knew this story, but when they transformed it into Snow White, they omitted the Jewish doctor. Nice move (or not)?

(Oh, sorry, have I forgotten to mention the dwarves? Oh dear, I’m afraid I left them out intentionally (to make a long story a little shorter).

[tinyshe]

[copy, save and share censored information; fight for freedom of information]

COVID-19 Injection Campaign Violates Bioethics Laws 

Story at-a-glance

Safety data analysis and reporting in clinical trials of the COVID jabs appear to have been manipulated in at least some cases. One method for manipulating randomized clinical trial safety data is to only analyze the “per protocol” treatment group (those who completed all doses and were fully compliant with the study design) as opposed to “intent to treat” which would include all patients that have signed informed consent

For example, if a participant only accepted one dose and trial protocol called for two, under a “per protocol” analysis, adverse events they experienced would be dismissed and not included in the safety analysis. This is a classic way to manipulate safety data in clinical research, and it's usually forbidden

Since the COVID shots only have emergency use authorization, they are experimental products and, as such, they are not authorized for marketing

Bioethics are written into federal law. As an experimental trial participant, you have the right to receive full disclosure of any adverse event risks. Full disclosure of risks is not being done, and in fact is being suppressed

Adverse event risks must also be communicated in a way that you can comprehend what the risks are, and the acceptance of an experimental product must be fully voluntary and uncoerced. Enticement is strictly forbidden

As the inventor of the messenger RNA (mRNA) vaccine platform, Dr. Robert Malone is one of the most qualified individuals to opine on the benefits and potential risks of this technology.

His background includes a medical degree from Northwestern University, a master's degree from Salk Institute, a bachelor's degree in biochemistry from UC Davis, a Giannini fellowship in pathology and a post-graduate fellowship in global clinical research at Harvard.

He taught pathology to medical students for about a decade at the University of Maryland and the University of California Davis, and then became an associate professor of surgery at Uniformed Services, University of the Health Sciences, where he launched a major research institute focused on breast cancer and high-throughput screening in genomics for breast cancer.

After that, he helped found a company called Inovio, which has brought forth a number of gene therapy discoveries, including vaccines, and the use of pulsed electrical fields as a delivery method. After 9/11, a colleague at the University of Maryland's department of business and economic development connected him with Dynport Vaccine Company, a startup that had received a DoD contract to manage its biodefense products.

"That's when I transitioned from being more of an academic to the advanced development world of clinical research, regulatory affairs, project management, compliance, quality assurance — all of that stuff that goes into actually making a product," Malone explains.

"It was a huge epiphany that the world really didn't need more academic thought leaders and [that] I was wasting my time focusing on that. What the world really needed was that people understood the underlying technology and the discovery research world, but also understood advanced development, which is that drug development is a highly-regulated world. And there aren't very many of those.

So, I set out to become really expert in that latter part and worked with the government, particularly in biodefense and vaccine development, for a couple of decades. And that brings me to the present.

I've captured a couple of billion dollars in grants and contracts for companies that I've worked with, and clients from the government, from BARDA [Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority], from the Department of Defense and others."

COVID-19 'Vaccines' Are Gene Therapy

I've been accused of falsely stating that these COVID shots are not vaccines but gene modifying interventions. However, even Malone agrees with this statement, and as the inventor of the technology, he should know. He points out that in Germany, by law you cannot refer to this technology as a genetic vaccine or gene therapy vaccine. "The German government has specifically outlawed the use of gene therapy-based vaccine as a term," he says.

With his background, and having received the COVID shot himself, he can hardly be called an "anti-vaxxer" and/or someone who doesn't believe in gene therapies. Yet, he recently went public with concerns about the safety of rolling out this kind of technology on a mass scale, and the unethical ways in which they're being promoted.

As has become the trend, he was immediately censored. Wikileaks even went so far as to erase him from the historical section of the mRNA vaccine page and his own personal Wikipedia page was removed. All references to Malone inventing the mRNA technology were removed and attributed to a variety of institutions instead.

Blowing the Whistle

Malone's public involvement with the COVID jab issue began with a short essay1 reflecting on the bioethics of the current campaign to get a needle in every arm. This essay grew out of a conversation he'd had with a Canadian physician. Malone's essay catalyzed an interview with Bret Weinstein in June 2021 on the DarkHorse Podcast.

This isn't the first time Malone has spoken out against unethical behavior in science. He was also a whistleblower in the Jesse Gelsinger death case,2 back in 1999. Gelsinger was a young man who had a rare metabolic disorder called ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency syndrome (OTCD), where dangerous amounts of ammonia build up in your blood.

He'd been diagnosed at the age of 2, and was managing his condition with a regimen of nearly 50 drugs a day. At 17, Gelsinger signed up for an investigational gene therapy. Like the COVID shots, the therapy involved injecting a gene attached to an adenovirus, which would be integrated into his DNA to permanently produce an enzyme that prevents ammonia buildup.

Gelsinger was the 18th person to receive the gene therapy, and while the others had only experienced mild side effects, Gelsinger had a severe response after scientists at the University of Pennsylvania administered adenoviruses doses that were far above what had been approved by the corresponding safety committee.

Gelsinger became disoriented and developed jaundice and acute inflammation, followed by a rare blood clotting disorder and multi-organ failure. He was dead within days. Even a decade later, Gelsinger's death is still considered the biggest setback for gene therapy.3

"When the Jesse Gelsinger events happened, I also had long been a deep insider in the gene therapy space, so I had specific knowledge of what had happened at Penn — the ethical transgressions, shall we say, that occurred — and had awareness, again, just like now, of the technology," Malone says. "So, I was able to make sense of things that otherwise were obscure for journalists and even other scientists."

After speaking out about the ethical transgressions that contributed to Gelsinger's death (dosing which exceeded approved levels), Malone became a "persona non-grata" in the gene therapy community. In other words, he was blacklisted by his peers and prevented from participating in gene therapy research.

"That's part of why I went in a different direction with my career and focused on government work and biodefense, supporting the Department of Defense," Malone says. "The lesson learned for me is that I'm able to be resilient, together with my wife's support.

Another key lesson was that your friends will support you through times of crisis if you behave with integrity and maintain your friendships and treat people with respect. I also had a lot of support for having spoken out and taken an ethical high road on that and not compromised myself …

It's part of why I'm comfortable [speaking out now]. People tell me that I come across as balanced and calm. But yes, this is a little bit frightening and once again, [I'm] putting my career on the line. But once again many of my colleagues in the government are grateful that I'm speaking this way. They are not able to have a voice because of their jobs and government policies about speaking out."

Public Responses to Censorship Make a Difference

As explained by Malone, he's been heavily censored since his three-hour interview with Brett Weinstein. LinkedIn even deleted his account. However, LinkedIn users all around the world canceled their accounts in protest and wrote the company, explaining their cancellations were in protest of Malone being censored.

The social media uproar culminated in a major news article in a mainstream Italian paper, which appears to have pushed LinkedIn over the edge. LinkedIn eventually reinstated Malone's account and even sent him a letter of apology.

"I don't think I've ever heard of a company writing a letter of apology after delisting and deleting somebody," he says. "My sins were 'profound,'" he says sarcastically, "They were that I outed the chairman of the board of directors of Reuters who is also sitting on the board of Pfizer, for cross-posting the Wall Street Journal article on vaccine toxicity risks, and well, basically for complaining about censorship.

So, they sent me my list of sins with six different posts that were to pretty much anybody's eye innocuous, which I then took and cross-posted onto Twitter. So, that revealed the absurdity of that … The note [of apology] that I received basically said, 'Look, we don't have the expertise to censor you, but if you cross the line, we have the right to summarily delete you again and so mind your manners.'"

The Repurposing of Drugs to Combat Pandemics

In recent years, Malone has been involved in yet another startup company (Atheric Pharmaceuticals), in collaboration with the DoD, that focused on repurposing drugs to combat Zika infection. That company went bankrupt for lack of investor interest in repurposing drugs for treating infectious diseases.

When the COVID-19 outbreak began, he got a call from a colleague who works in the intelligence community in Wuhan, China, who urged him to put together a team to investigate the possibility of repurposing old drugs against COVID.

His team is currently about to enter clinical trials for a number of licensed off-patent drugs. That said, his biggest contribution so far is probably his commentary on the bioethics of what is going on.

"Both my wife and I are deeply ethical people," he says. "We're high school sweethearts. We try really hard to live ethical lives and to help our fellow man as well as the animals in our lives. So that's just the place we come from. It's bedrock. We're not rich people.

I recall a long telephone call with the Canadian physician that poured his heart out about the situation in Canada that he's encountering, both with vaccine administration in primary practice, and also in administering alternative therapies to outpatients, which generally have no therapies available.

I mean, the position is a bit shocking — in the emergency rooms all across the world. Basically, you go to the ER and if your O2 sets are down, pushing towards 80, they say, 'Well, go [home] and come back when your lips are blue.' And that's the essence of it. They don't really offer anything.

So many physicians, including this gentleman in Canada, have been seeking alternative strategies and they've tested and administered these various agents. We've heard of fluvoxamine, ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine. There are many, many others now, including those that we're working with (famotidine and celecoxib) that seem to have therapeutic benefit when administered early to shut down this hyperinflammatory response.

So, he shared this and the stories of multiple reports of vaccine adverse events that in his clinical judgment were clearly vaccine related, some of them quite serious, and that the Canadian government would summarily dispose of those as non-related even though in his clinical judgment, they clearly were related.

He spoke about the enticement of children in Canada with ice cream and the willingness of the Canadian government to administer vaccine to children without their parents or guardians consent after enticing them with ice cream cones, and some of the other things that I just found shocking ...

It mirrors what we're seeing across the world, where governments are taking liberties with people's health and their rights without real legislative authorization to do so in most cases."

Core Bioethical Principles Are Being Violated

Malone and his wife Jill are both trained in bioethics, so after listening to this Canadian colleague, he decided he could help by writing a lay press opinion piece about the bioethics of experimental vaccines under emergency use authorization.

"I have intimate knowledge of not only the emergency use authorization legislation, the FDA policies behind it, I even know the people that wrote it," Malone says.

"So, we dove in, refreshed our memories on the whole history of the modern bioethics construct that briefly runs from Nuremberg Trials to the Nuremberg Code, to Helsinki Accord, to the Belmont Report in the United States, and to the common rule that exists in the code of federal regulations."

In summary, since the COVID shots only have emergency use authorization status, they are experimental products, and as such, they are not authorized for marketing. The core bioethical principles that apply therefore involve three key components:

1. Bioethics are written into federal law — As an experimental trial participant, which is what everyone is at the moment who accepts a COVID shot, you have the right to receive full disclosure of any adverse event risks. Based on that disclosure, you then have the right to decide whether you want to participate.

Adverse event risk disclosure should be provided at the level of detail disclosed in any drug package insert. However, the COVID shots have no such insert or detailed disclosure, and adverse event reports are even being suppressed and censored from the public.

Instead, as explained by the FDA,4 since the COVID shots are not yet licensed,5 rather than providing a package insert, the FDA directs health care providers to access a lengthy, online "fact sheet" that lists both clinical trial adverse events and ongoing updates of adverse events reported after EUA administration to the public.

A shorter, separate, online fact sheet with far less information in it is available for patients — but, provider or patient, you still have to know where to look up each of the three EUA vaccines separately on the FDA website to access those fact sheets.6

2. Adverse event risks must be communicated in a way that you can comprehend what the risks are — This means the disclosure must be written in eighth grade language. In clinical trials, researchers must actually verify participants' comprehension of the risks.

3. The acceptance of an experimental product must be fully voluntary and uncoerced — enticement is forbidden. "I argue that all of this public messaging that we've all been bombarded with … constitutes coercion," Malone says.

"The most egregious example of this that I've ever seen, is the federal government identifying 12 people … and labeling them as the dirty dozen, [saying] that they are responsible for causing death because they are disseminating what the government has determined to be misleading information about vaccines. This is mind boggling to me and to most of my colleagues."

How Falsehoods Are Getting Top Billing

As you probably know, I am on that "disinformation dozen" list. The irony of this situation is that government officials are really the ones contributing to the deaths by not adhering to bioethical principles that are enshrined in law. It's a classic case of 1984 Orwellian doublespeak.

As I mention in the interview, the "misinformation dozen" list is the creation of the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH), a shady organization funded by dark money that sprung up less than two years ago.

"Yeah, you don't even have to go to dark money. It's out in the open. There's this Trusted News Initiative led by the BBC. They announced … last fall that they have integrated Big Tech, Big Media and new media, Facebook, Google, Microsoft, et cetera, into an organization that was intended to control false narratives relating to elections, but they decided to turn it on what they perceived as false narratives for vaccines," Malone says.

"As if that wasn't enough, the Wellcome Trust and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation have announced initiatives where they're making block grants to Facebook, which is then funding these new pop-up fact-checker organizations … [that] are employing methods to smear people and to ban information …

What happens is these fact-checker organizations will make their pseudo fact check, like what I experienced with Reuters — which was transparently false, their fact check — and then the media will recycle the fact check. So that moves up in the Google ranking and they're citing themselves. That's what's going on. And it's sponsored by the likes of Wellcome Trust and Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and they're quite proud of it."

Why Target Children and Pregnant Women?

Considering the unknown risks involved, why are governments and vaccine makers pushing so hard for children and pregnant women to participate in this experiment? Both have an extremely low risk for complications from COVID-19, which makes adverse effects of the vaccine all the more unacceptable, if not all together intolerable.

There's the appearance that there was manipulation of safety data analysis and reporting in the Phase 1, 2, 3 clinical trials … by focusing on patients who had completed the study per protocol, as opposed to those that entered the study as intended to treat. [If] you've only accepted one dose of vaccine under those clinical trial protocols and you have an adverse event … that information about the adverse event … is lost. It's not included in the safety analysis. This is a classic way to manipulate safety data in clinical research, and it's strictly forbidden. ~ Dr. Robert Malone

Making matters worse, there's no process in place to capture all side effects. Somehow, this was left out, and there's evidence to suggest this was done intentionally.

"I think it's important for the listenership to recognize that what we have is still an emerging understanding of what the adverse events are," Malone says. "I could tell you the story of how the cardiotoxicity adverse event was recognized, and it was not through official channels. There is [also] the appearance that the CDC is deliberately under-reporting adverse events to the public.

And there's the appearance that there was manipulation of safety data analysis and reporting in the Phase 1, 2, 3 clinical trials for some of these products by focusing on patients who had completed the study per protocol, as opposed to those that entered the study as intended to treat.

That's a subtle distinction, but what it means is that if you've only accepted one dose of vaccine under those clinical trial protocols and you have an adverse event, and you decide to drop it out, or they gently suggest that you shouldn't take the second dose, that information about the adverse events that you received — which would have made you at even higher risk for the second dose — is lost. It's not included in the safety analysis.

This is a classic way to manipulate safety data in clinical research, and it's strictly forbidden. So, the FDA is onto that trick. Normally, if I was to do that, I would get slapped down immediately. Why they allow these large drug companies to do this (if, in fact they did) — and you can't claim that Pfizer didn't know what they were doing — is beyond me.

Now that we know about the adverse events associated with the cardiotoxicity in adolescents and the damage to the heart and the deaths associated with that, people can start to do calculations based on official CDC data, [but] those data are flawed.

They probably under-report the true adverse event rate by about a 100-fold if you're relying on the various historic analysis information. But you can look at those data. And if you're a data scientist, you can do the calculations that the CDC is not doing and not disclosing to us about risk benefit.

The ones that I've seen done by well-trained and highly experienced specialists, people that work for the insurance industry that do this for a living … come out literally upside down."

If the clinical trials did not include patients dropped after Dose 1 in the safety analysis, this would indicate a "per protocol" safety analysis was performed, and therefore that the safety data analyses leading to the emergency use authorizations were not based on rigorous safety assessments.

Multiple patients claiming to have been included in COVID-19 clinical trials have also reported on social media that their reports were excluded from final safety analyses, although this cannot be verified.

Risks Significantly Outweigh Benefits

A study7 posted July 7, 2021, which looked at deaths occurring in children in the U.K. during the first 12 months of the pandemic, found 99.995% of children diagnosed with COVID-19 survived.

By July 19, 2021, in the United States, a total of 335 children under 18 had died with a COVID-19 diagnosis on their death certificate.8 An analysis by Marty Makary and colleagues at Johns Hopkins, together with FAIR Health, showed none of the children under 18 who died and were diagnosed with COVID-19 between April and August 2020 were free of preexisting medical conditions such as cancer.9

Now, while the average healthy child has a minuscule chance of dying from COVID-19, and their risk of developing heart inflammation from the COVID jab is also quite low, the risk associated with the injection is still significantly greater than any risk associated with the natural infection. As explained by Malone:

"That ratio comes out suggesting that there will be more lives lost to receipt of the 'vaccine' in a universal vaccine campaign than there would be if all those kids were infected by SARS-CoV-2. This upside-down ratio appears to extend or very close to equivalent at least up to the age of 30.

So, we're in a position where the data that we have are admittedly flawed. Is that by intent or what? From my standpoint, the data are the data, so I can't smoke out what somebody within health and human services intended to do, but I can look at the data, and others can.

And the data absolutely do not support a positive risk-benefit ratio for vaccination of infants through young adults, based on any normal criteria. So then why are they doing this crazy stuff? It seems to all be wrapped around the axle of the need to justify universal vaccination.

I argue that this is actually a mid-century policy that goes back to the '50s and the '60s polio vaccine campaign, when the government and world health authorities established a position that it was OK to lie, to withhold information about risk for vaccines, because to have the full spectrum of information about the risks of vaccines would cause people to not accept the vaccine.

So, 'Shut up, we know it's best for you and don't question us' is a firmly authoritarian position. It is intrinsically authoritarian and paternalistic. It's exactly the kind of stuff that George Orwell wrote about in his book '1984.' It was a warning … of how governments and authoritarian structures will behave and do behave."

Denial of Vaccine Dangers Has Been Federal Policy Since 1984

Ironically, Malone points out that in the 1984 Federal Register,10 it's stated that posting information into the federal register about vaccine risks that jeopardizes vaccine I uptake shall be suppressed.

"So, it's a clear federal policy going back to 1984," Malone says. "This is the way they're going to handle things. And they're going to handle it with the noble lie of saying, 'No, there are no risks and what we're doing is fully justified' …

I don't think we have to go to imagining some grand conspiracy at Davos between certain individuals. I think this is an emergent phenomena of the intersection of old-school thinking about information management and new-school capabilities and technologies.

I think the CDC, HHS, WHO, and Wellcome Trust or Bill & Melinda Gates foundation, etcetera, have just grossly misread the population, certainly in the United States. And so now we're in a position where before, according to Del Bigtree, there was about 1% to 2% of people that self-identified as anti-vaxxers, and we're now [above] 40%. Clearly, about 40 to 50% of the population are just dug in. They're not going to accept these vaccines.

The White House now finds it necessary to have a special group to identify and target 12 American citizens for what they believe to be vaccine disinformation, and to make a big public press announcement about it. Don't they have anything else to do? It seems like the world has got bigger problems than Dr. Mercola, but what do I know?

The whole thing is mind-bending. And a lot of people, including many Europeans, are really lit up over this. They remember. European intellectuals are very aware of the dynamics that happened in Germany in the 1930s … I think this could be a turning point in a lot of things."

The Powers That Be Have Been Given Free Reign

While Malone is not interested in speculating about the intentions behind all this malfeasance, he's intimately familiar with the power of Big Pharma to manipulate governments. As detailed in other articles, several of the COVID injection makers have a rich history of illegal activity and unethical behavior, and now they have been given free reign to do as they please.

They're been completely absolved from liability if and when something goes wrong with these injections, and governments are enticing and bullying citizens to participate in Big Pharma's experiment.

"If you give that kind of liberty and power to a global multinational and absolve them of any accountability, they will serve their stockholders," Malone says. "They are not geared to serving the rest of us, whatever they may say in their press releases.

That's just how big pharma behaves, and we've chosen this model. Messaging having to do with alternative treatments and the importance of wellness, those are not consistent with the 'Take this pill, pay your price and shut up' kind of business model.

Personally, I think that Mr. Gates and his foundation have done enormous irreparable harm to world health community through his actions and his own personal biases. He has really distorted global public health. At some point, there will be books written about this, and I'm sure an enormous number of Ph.D. theses will be granted. But meanwhile, we all have to live with it."

[beigejournals]

Season 5 Lucifer

welcome to my unsolicited thoughts about Season 5 of Lucifer.  

as an avid and veteran series binger AND a talker-while-watching-a-movie-or-series-but-does-not-want-to-spoil-anything-for-my-friends type of person, i have finally dedicated a space and found a good way to let all my thoughts out as i watch a movie or series when i am alone when i can’t bother a lot of people because (1) they don’t want to be bothered and (2) i don’t want to spoil things for them.

so here are my thoughts, and of course, SPOILERS AHEAD.

BTW, i LOVED all of Lucifer! but this season was a slow burn for me. 

ep1

drug scene at Lux; is Amenadiel mean now?

so is Lucifer himself in his own hell loop when he became the ruler of hell? his own guilt towards his father? idk (to be frank, i don’t remember the past episodes except for the fact that he is now back in hell)

the premise of the first episode is cute!

side note after the title card: i remember how much i loved the soundtrack for Lucifer!

Maze is still hot.

I love how Maze and Chloe’s relationship developed and how they don’t have to use words to communicate.

Amenadiel’s and the Psychologist’s house HAHAHAHA i love it.

is Charlie Jesus? His mom’s faith in front of Ella is like every mom plus every religious person ever haha

YES. ELLA. YOU. DESERVE. A. GOOD. GUY.

self-improvement is now a meme, huh?

Dan is me.

comment on drug scene: Amenadiel is still the same, haha!

Maze and the card, haha!

how was the guy in the mask face (did i just say mask face?) blurred but in the party, Los Angeles was in perfect accuracy. excuse me.

coming out of the dead: “oh sorry, that’s so gross!” LORDT HAHA

love you, Charlie! hope you don’t feel like you have to perform because your mom expects a lot from you and that’s so ironic because she’s a psychologist!

Dan’s speeches about parenting: i get it tho, parents try to love their child, sometimes, they just don’t know how

also, i think it’s the sister but Chloe’s just a softie

lol Maze is jealous that Chloe got to talk to Lucifer and trying to say that they don’t need Lucifer.

OOF MAZE.

i forgot about what happened with Eve.

GUYS THE MURDERER IS LITERALLY GOING TO ESCAPE.

the amount of projection as defense mechanism in this episode is too much it feels like it’s too on the nose.

but i do love the parallel between what’s happening on Earth and in hell.

the amount of layers in this question either it’s Lucifer’s or his or his sister’s (assuming it is his sister who was behind his murder)

ok apparently it’s not his sister.

me in law school:

sana all kaya kang mahalin na babalik from hell. kilig aq.

also, after all these years, Lucifer’s house has been so clean!!! wala man lang alikabok

if she’ll be fine without him then who tf is that?

ok i read the synopsis for the next couple of episodes. i don’t like spoilers. don’t make the same mistake.

ep2

i’m Ella when it comes to my friends’ special people HAHA

also, i love the slight lean to one side to show us that this is not the real Lucifer.

why does he have to be naked???

it’s so funny for me how they have to reestablish him. LUCIFER NEVER LIES HAHAHAHAHA yes we can remember now after you repeated it 3x.

ALSO WHY IS EVERYTHING TO ON THE NOSE. EVERY SECOND IS A METAPHOR FOR SOMETHING. was it always like this?

Oh Michael. Nice. Was he an archer? We love the American accent.

how can Amenadiel not know that was Michael? GANON KA IDENTICAL SIZ?

we love the unnecessary car chase just to  reinstate the fact that this is a crime show

that slomo with the wings!!!

also everything is so slow with this show!!! idk why but everything feels just a little bit slower (or maybe i just want lucifer and chloe to be together? idk)

gwapo ni lucifer nung nagmomol sila ni Maze pls

cringe ng elevator scene

ykw. i think it’s because i like the lucifer character that’s why i’m impatient. he hasn’t been appearing the way i want him to.

see. you don’t have to remind me so much about the show because i know he was supposed to say “what is it that you truly desire” not fear. I FEEL LIKE THIS SEASON IS DUMBING THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED THE SHOW FOR SO LONG. okay sige.

either she knows it’s not him or SHE’S REALLY THAT NICE AND POWERFUL OF A HUMAN BEING.

oh i’ve been questioning whether they had sex already and this episode answered my question

CRINGE coffee scene: the spoon???

random question: are angels virgins? so is Michael a virgin?

what kind of a person would just go deep on someone else’s pocket just because they ran out of money?

knew it Maze won’t do Chloe dirty like that!

thanks Chloe. u know better than that. (full disclosure: I THOUGHT SHE WAS ACTING BADLY APPARENTLY A GOOD ACTOR CAN ACT BADLY TO PROVE A POINT?)

literally just liked it and now there’s a new secret that was said too soon.

God baka naman pwede mo ko gawing Chloe Decker char.

AH so interesting. Lucifer = Desire. Michael = Fear. Too on the nose again but that time, i needed the guidance because i am a dumbass.

God ain’t raising his children right!

ep3

yes explain everything to me it’s literally not like we have been binging this show for 2 hours straight

see, the Lucifer character is really endearing. i’m enjoying myself again hahaha. (well, i guess Lucifer when he’s with Chloe?)

can i just say that Tom Ellis was born for that role. he fits is so well that him acting as his own twin doesn’t sit well with me.

i just feel like this show was written by a psychologist who liked watching murder shows.

it’s Lucifer, Chloe!!! siya yon.

ep4

love Lucifer-Chloe tandem!

we love how the actors can sing and the show gives them a chance...

one thought: is everyone going to play a double of who they are?

also is Maze the daughter of Lucifer?

i love how they’re transcending mediums, reminds me of Community with their random episodes.

there you go, Chloe’s doing the double acting too.

Now it’s Linda. (so maybe this is the episode i was asking about earlier).

Now it’s Ella.

omg is this why i loved fleabag, it took forever for the Priest and Fleabag to finally do it? no. i just love the Priest.

Charlotte’s back! and the distance from the table shows how not okay they are. okay.

green screen while driving i love it.

now, Daniel!

we love gender fluidity? i guess. i’m not sure how you call it but i appreciate.

Lilith’s dress for the second song. OMG.

there again to make us dumb. after we just watched the whole thing happen, they retell the whole story again. damn. they think we dumb.

literally this season is making every girl kiss Chloe.

why did she blow the ring? was that her life?

what’s that song in the end?

OH that was the reason why she was retelling everything.

damn celestial beings are the worst parents.

ep5

i wanna be Dr. Linda Martin please.

i appreciate Lucifer wearing the bracelet until now. (but i expected nothing less)

i’ve always loved how people reacted to Amenadiel. he always seemed nerdy but these are times where he truly shine and im so happy.

i forgot.  i think i was showering that time that Michael and Lucifer fought and theyre hella dumb. ok lets go toxic masculinity mixed with daddy issues.

i know they’re too on the nose ABOUT EVERYTHING but i do like the debate about free will and predestination

honestly i don’t know what’s Chloe’s issue is with being made by God probably just because i’m lazy and i just want to lay everything in His hands but coming from a very atheistic perspective where she comes from i kinda get it. i guess my only reasoning why i’m okay with God’s reason is with her is because of my fear of the unknown; my current fear with not knowing my true purpose. at least she got hers! what is she complaining about?

oh i get it now, but that’s why there’s free will Chloe (or idk, idk how God works; there’s currently no electricity in my house rn. i don’t get how that works even if we pay for our electricity all the time, how am I suppose to know God’s plans?)

but aren’t well created for something else? looking at a selfish perspective, maybe He created all of us just because He wanted to.

wow. literally when the nun kissed Amenadiel, the lights in our house opened up. if that ain’t God. idk who that is.

wow that’s so interesting.

“There are no shortcuts.” 🥺

he exposed himself i’m interested. what if i were the one to whom that was exposed to... how would i react?

another sample of them explaining to us WHAT WE ALREADY CAN INFER FROM THE SHOW (the conversation actually continues to dumb it down for the audience) but i get it. it’s religion and fiction built together.

oh i just cringed i almost vomited with this 

also can i just share these. these are the funniest thing Chloe said on the show.

ep6

OOF what a horrifying way to start the episode (after the beach fiasco)

they’re holding us. that’s so adorable!!!

ugh. im still cringing.

yes jowa for ella yes pls. ELLA YOU SAID YOU WANT A NICE GUY!!! HE’S THERE!!! i’ll take him if you won’t!

Chloe if you don’t want Lucifer, i’ll take him too!

can i say how proud i am of Chloe and Dan’s relationship. it’s very healthy for what they are. add Lucifer and Dan to that too! we love men.

also the women in this show have bad taste in men. (except for who Linda married, i guess)

we love the seasonal girl’s night!

that whole charlie thing being amused by lucifer’s devil face is the best bit

was it Michael calling? and oh noooo ;(

FUCKEN MICHAEL

ngl i could have waited for another season for them to have sex on season 6 episode 6 but sure have it at season 5.

ep7

we love a person who wakes up and is not pretty. princess anna who? (i mean she is wearing full on make up, but we’re okay with that snore)

Deckerstar!! they made a word for it

our mojo??? does it only work on lucifer or does it work when she does it to others as well, we shall find out.

oh no! Lucifer’s isn’t working at all HAHAHAHA

it’s currently 2:19 AM. i am tired and sleepy.

Dan talking to Charlotte 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Fucking Michael

oh he emphasized archangel Michael. with my limited knowledge being raised Catholic, i was going to ask earlier if he was an archer because he had crooked shoulders. AND I JUST CHECKED. ARCHANGEL MEANS HIGH RANKING ANGEL NOT AN ANGEL WHO’S A FUCKING ARCHER. me being raised Cathlolic means nothing. HAHAHH

now i’m realizing if i see an angel, maybe i won’t be in the situation where i’ll see Amenadiel but Michael

NO NO NO AMENADIEL

i love this HAHAHAHAHA

knew it. called it! worked on lucifer ONLY. HOW CAN TWO PEOPLE BE THAT MADE FOR EACH OTHER. LORD BAKA NAMAN.

i’m ella shipping them.

THEYRE SPEAKING TAGALOG HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

what song was that? “When it hurts, just to breathe” same

The Shining reference no thank you pls

NAAAH i really can’t do horror things especially not with things i truly fear and when i don’t have a curtain on. No thanks.

14:54 and i’m watching again open the lights bro, it’s easier to find clues that way   also i do get that they’re closing it to ensure that the killer is not there but theyre also moving like the killer is not there anyway so better open up the lights! tho i really know nothing about crime solving (i just typed crime solving instead of solving crimes didn’t i)

we stan ella’s healthy relationship!!!

can i just say there was a time where i can’t even say serial killer out loud so this is really hard for me to watch alone

i know that he’s vulnerable around the detective. BUT SHE SAID HE CHOSE TO BE SO BY NOW HE SHOULDN’T BE AFFECTED BY WHAT HE DID.

Fucken Michael.

ep8

how attractive can you be that even in slow motion, you look great.

oh apparently he did not die.

ALSO OO NGA CHLOE. US2 MO SIYA MAMATAY TEH.

CHLOE THE OVERTHINKER but i get it. BUT STILL.

you know that montage of people just studying and it’s now happening to chloe trying to solve a crime. that’s my cinematography goal HAHAHA. it’s been awhile since i’ve been invested in studying like that.

Lucifer can be just so immature some times

is KillShare based off of SkillShare?

also i’m thinking that Chloe was either taken by Michael or Dan or the SK.

that ring of Lucifer on Maze is probably the longest ring someone has waited for.

i love Maze’s eye make up! ALL THE TIME!

if the lady here is not detective and they’re relieved. that’s just fucked up, man. they were slightly relieved. that’s good acting HAHAHAHAHA.

I’M JUST PRAYING TO GOD THAT PETE REALLY IS A GOOD GUY AND NOT THE SERIAL KILLER COZ I CAN’T HATE THAT GUY PLEASE. the key and the research!!! WTF. stop trying to be smart, show!!!

his mojo is back, does that mean Chloe is gone? 😢

OH AFTER THE TAPES, I THINK IT IS THE BOYFRIEND. DAMN SHE’S REALLY INTO BAD MEN, ISN’T SHE?

I’M SO SCARED. THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

THE FLOWERS ARE FRIGGIN KILLING ME.

kamukha niya pa si Penn Badgley, nice.

DOES HE GENUINELY LIKE HER OR IS THE KISS TO THROW HER OFF GUARD.

AH NO. i think he genuinely likes her. except that she... you know found that he’s a fucking murderer

HAHAHA PETE

right??? why does this show have to say everything out loud like don’t already know.

oh he just used her but then he liked her. idk. the way he speaks too, so nonchalant.

preach, ELLA!!!! shout out to those who had crappy childhoods and are not serial killers! that’s the bare minimum i guess.

go, Ella!!! know your worth!

lol made me love Pete, he’s funny.

ok my assumptions were right-ish.

HAHAHA, his american accent.

his choosing to be bot vulnerable around her anymore, Michael, i think is a way of him staying alive for Chloe but ofc Chloe will think that Lucifer would rather have his vulnerability than to be with her.

baka di lang love language ni Lucifer words of affirmation, okay! HE SAVED HER LIFE SO MANY TIMES AND NOW SHE’S DOUBTING BECAUSE HE HASN’T SAID I LOVE YOU YET??? SIZ. HE LITERALLY LEFT HELL FOR YOU.

MICHAEL STOP. Michael the shit stirrer. we all have that one friend.

awa me kay Maze. she’s like a lost dog throughout the show.

does Michael want to be God?

skipped thru the speech. cringe.

what’s Amenadiel’s problem with his child having a normal cold? what’s wrong if he’s a mere mortal?

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SHO’W SO INSECURE. i get so annoyed every time Chloe’s mad that Lucifer doesn’t get what he wants

it’s just that i resonate with Lucifer. it’s hard for me to say i love you and now i think Amenadiel stopped time.

oh. i thought Amenadiel’s fears about Charlie being mortal was superficial, i just realized that he was afraid that his child was going to die. but, he can take him to heaven like what he did with Charlotte, right?

oh Michael.

MAZE! MICHAEL IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!!!! you’re fine! i don’t have a soul either.

celestial beings and their daddy issues and inability to communicate with one another and the desire to fight it out as if that’s the solution

HOTTEST BROTHERS EVER DAMN.

itong si God ngayon lang magpapakita anuna siz.

WHY ISN’T HE PLAYED BY MORGAN FREEMAN BUT OK.

CLIFFHANGER!!! IM MAD.

ep 8 should have been called blueballz tbh

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part26)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count:3140

Warnings: Language

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning you couldn’t wait to talk to Shannon so you opened up the tablet, clicked the video chat app, and chose your only contact. For some people, one contact might seem lonely, but for you, that one contact was all you needed. 

She accepted the call and her stunning face lit up the window as you pulled your coffee close to your lips. 

“Morning, Y/N,” she greeted, pouring her own coffee, a tired look on her face. 

“Morning, hun.” You waved to her. “Any big plans for the day?” you wondered. 

“Kinda,” she answered after swallowing some coffee. 

You perked an eyebrow up. “Oh? I’m intrigued. What’s on the agenda?”

“Hoping to finish creating that surprise for you two,” she informed. 

You frowned at her, confused. “I thought the tablet was my surprise?” 

She smiled widely and giggled. “Nope, that’s for us to chat. But there’s this research I’ve been doing for a few months now but still no result. I feel like I’m missing something.” 

“What research?” you blurted out, not able to resist asking.

“It’s got to do with the genetic mutation in identical twins,” she informed. “Here. If you go to your office, you can project my notes and data from the camera that’s set up there. Just double tap the screen when you get there.”

You nodded and took your coffee and tablet to the office in the adjoining room, while she sent the files down to your cell. 

“Everything is there. I’m just having trouble identifying how it is that one of the two ends up with a mutation while the other doesn’t,” she commented, sounding frustrated. 

“Have you listened to Bach?” you asked, knowing that every time she listened to him, it jogged her mind. 

She stared at you through the tablet and deadpanned, “What do you think?” 

You laughed and held your hands up “Okay, okay. Fraternal or maternal twins? Raised in the same environment? What are Tony’s thoughts? Banner’s? They have a lot of experience with mutation… Did you call Charles?”

“Depends on the case. I have a few sets that are paternal and some there is a turn off, but they have the opposite effect with the mutations from each side. Tony doesn’t know. He is not really aware of what happened. Banner… he can help with just a small amount. The thing with the experience on mutation is that you know Bruce and becoming the Hulk but there’s not much you can get out of it because even his own studies have led to very little.” She began to read in her ledgers. “Speaking of, I’m actually I’m going to contact Charles later today. Hopefully he’s not that busy, and neither is Logan, and they can probably run some tests, figure out some stuff. Probably hit the ring to see what triggers some of my powers.”

Your face fell a little bit, remembering how you used to visit Charles with her. It made you miss him and all of the X-Men… “Oh, are your powers… bad? I mean.. Like, you haven’t consulted Charles in a long time,” you noted. 

She glanced over to the screen, noticing the change in your tone. 

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. It’s not really any of my business if you powers aren’t going quite right,” you stated, laughing somewhat nervously, a pang of guilt hitting your gut. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s just… they’re changing. I used to take people’s powers temporarily, but now, I can store them. And the shapeshifting and the flying. I’m rapidly mutating and I’m not sure what’s causing it…”

You nodded, listening to her, worried for her, and angry that you were locked in a cell with no way to help her. 

“Y/N… do you remember that one kid at the mansion who would feed off people's emotions and it became what he felt?” she asked, looking at you, hoping you remembered. 

Sadly, you didn’t, so you shook your head. “No, who was that?” 

“I can’t remember his name, but he had bumped into me one of those few times I went to train. And it seems I absorbed some of his powers and that what might be messing me up. It used to be very subtle, but now… now I can hardly get through an emotional event without it draining on me. Like when Steve had to carry me out,” she reminded. 

“You think it’s damaging you,” you said, summarizing for her. 

“I think it is,” she agreed. “If it’s emotionally strong, positive or negative, I just… The fight I had with Tony?”

“Yeah?” 

“I was so mad at what he was saying I hadn’t realized my weather powers had triggered and mixed with the laser beams I took from Cyclops and it mixed with your purple energy and things were thrown at Tony when I yelled at him. Thankfully one of his suits was there or I might have hurt him.”

You muttered, “I know what that’s like.” 

Shannon stopped what she was doing and put down her pen, giving you her full attention. “What do you mean you know what it’s like?” A moment later she added, “If you’re comfortable telling me, that is.”

“Ever since Thanos put this--” You showed your purple dark energy and then made it disappear “--inside me, it’s turned me into someone else… I was so angry all the time, at everything. It’s much better now, but I still get so much rage.” You looked up at the camera, facing her. “So I know what it’s like to not quite know what’s happening to your body… To have this… power… but it destroys you.” 

“It does. I’ve noticed I can’t keep up during training with Nat. Both of us being a part of the Red Room, we’ve kept to training like they taught us, but I’m just not as fast as I used to be.” She shrugged and looked a bit sullen. “It’s all still here,” she noted, pointing at her head with her pen. “It’s just that this is giving me trouble.” She closed her eyes, and then opened them, revealing  milky red eyes with purple swirls. 

“I can’t imagine how hard it is for you,” you commented. “To hold all those powers and finding out how to use them and keep them in check.”

“At least it hasn’t taken over… yet,” she remarked, staring down at her hands. 

“It won’t. You’re too strong for that,” you assured. 

Shannon smiled a small bit, glancing up to look at you through the screen, trying to find solace in your words. 

“I was hoping to see if I can get you out of there so that you can come with me to the mansion and we can both figure out what’s going on with our powers?” She sighed and reminded, “Of course, I’ll have to talk to Fury about it.” A groan escaped her just thinking about it, and you smiled slightly, remembering how much she did not like negotiating with the SHIELD director. 

Your face list up a million degrees. “You would really see about that?” 

“Of course. I want us to be able to get the help we need. We shouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of these powers.”

“I’m sort of public enemy number one. Not sure the world is ready for me to be out…” A deep frown followed your statement that didn’t go unnoticed by your friend. 

She lifted an eyebrow. “Well… technically, the world doesn’t know it was you. You know Charles, he’d probably help get you to the mansion without being seen, just to help you.”

A sly smile played on your lips. “Are you suggesting Nightcrawler break me out?” you teased. 

Shannon couldn’t help but start laughing jovially at your comment. “He’d probably have a blast getting out of there! That kid loves scaring Tony.”

You were so overwhelmed with the prospect of getting out, even if it was just for a few hours, that you had almost forgot about your fellow cellmate. Saness colored your face and tone. “I don’t know if I should Leave Loki though… That doesn’t seem… fair that I should get a day pass…” You glanced back toward your bedroom, a guilty look on your face. 

Shannon understood where you were coming from, so she offered, “I mean, it’s only if you want to. Besides, it’s not like we’re going out to shop. It’s to help you progress and reinstate yourself to the world.”

You bit your lip, noticing the wording. Reinstate yourself to the world… Right.. Because you were in prison. 

“Not to make that sound like you’re a felon!” she loudly corrected, turning back to the screen with a look of embarrassment. 

You waved it off. It wasn’t her fault you were in the situation you were in. 

“Let me talk to Loki?” you requested with raised eyebrows. “But I would love to see everyone again, and figure out how to get… this side of me out.” 

“Of course! Take whatever time you need. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to contact Charles, so let me know whenever you’ve made a decision.”

“I will. Thank you, Shannon. In the meantime, do you have anything physics related I can study? I am going bonkers down here…” You paused for a moment, before asking, “Does Tony mind you talking to me? Or sharing data? I mean, he’s still pissed at me… right?” 

This time, it was her turn to wave you off. “Forget Tony, he’s my problem, not yours.” She looked at you and smiled. “I could get you whatever Jane’s left unfinished? There are a few new things she got here.” She pointed to a stack of files on the nearby desk. 

“Please, send me anything, otherwise this gold mine is going to rot,” you joked, pointing to your head. 

“Well we can’t have that now, can we?” She giggled before talking to JARVIS. “JARVIS, send whatever files are in our system from Jane’s recent studies down to Y/N’s office.”

“Right away, Ms. Shannon. Is there anything else?”

“Let me know when Fury will be coming by the Tower or the complex, please?” 

“Yes, Ms. Shannon.”

“The files should be ready for you to look through, now. I’ll make sure any new data gets sent to you too.” Meanwhile, she was nodding her head while looking at the holographic data in front of her, swiping it to and fro. 

“I’ll let you get back to your work,” you offered, trying to hide the sadness in your voice. But her work and research was more important than keeping a prisoner like you company. 

She hummed. “Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry. I just have a deadline for this and--”

“Shan, it’s fine,” you assured genuinely with a soft smile. 

She seemed to be relieved by your words. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Don’t forget to talk to Loki and let me know?”

“I’ll let you know by the end of the day.”

“Thanks. Talk to you soon.”

The call ended. 

But no part of you could even be sad, for this had been the best gift you’d gotten in some time. Other than being allowed to share a cell with Loki, this was the next best thing.

-----------------------------

Loki was still asleep during your conversation with Shannon, but when he woke up and you made him a nice brunch, you decided to dive right into the touchy subject of you getting a day pass, and not him. 

“Uh, Loki,” you started as he ate his meal. 

“Yes, darling?” he asked, glancing up to you. 

You wrung your hands, knowing how this sounded. That you would be leaving Loki behind, that you were gaining freedom and he wasn’t. That you were not, in fact, equals, as you had said you’d been. As you always tried to prove to him. 

“Shannon.. She has an idea…”

“Is it an idea to break out of this?” he asked, pointing around with his eyes. 

“Well… actually… kind of.” 

He peered at you with a curious frown. 

“I told her about my powers, about how the thing Thanos pout in me is dark and it wears on me…” 

“Yes?” 

“Well… she’s going to Charles Xavier to get her powers looked at. It seems she has a mutation that’s causing her issues… And she said she might be able to get me a pass to sort of… go with her,” you informed nervously. You were so worried Loki would simply see this as a way of you gaining freedom, while he stayed behind. Or that you were somehow distancing yourself from him. 

“So you would get to leave?” he clarified. 

“Yes. She’s going to talk to Fury, and see if it’s even possible. It’s more like a trip to the doctor. I’ll be going to see if he can do anything about the power not being so…”

“Evil?” 

Your gaze slid to his as you nodded.

“My love, if you need to go, go. It will be nice for at least one of us to leave this cell, even if it’s just for a day.”

“Really?” you asked, hope swelling inside you.

“Yes, of course. Go, do whatever you need. I’ll be here when you get back,” he said with a sly smile and you couldn’t help but round the kitchen island and hug him tightly. 

-----------------------

As Shannon closed down her work and research for the day, she stepped out of the lab, somewhat exhausted, but simultaneously refreshed. It was amazing how just talking to you had lifted her spirit so much. She had only made it a few steps when Tony came up and greeted her. 

“Hey, babe. Mind walking with me?’ he asked.

“Ugh, Tony, I’m so tired... I think I just want to go sit and read for a little bit,” she said, hoping she wouldn’t offend him. 

“That’s fine, I just thought we could have a quick bite together?” he wondered, his eyebrows perched up,wanting to guilt her in with his innocent, irresistible look. 

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Alright, alright. Yeah, let’s go grab a bite. What did you have in mind?” she asked as he led her down the hall toward the kitchen and dining area. 

As soon as the two of them rounded the corner, she was greeted with the Avengers and some other colleagues from around the tower. The people she’d hidden herself away from for the last several days.

“Surprise!” the group yelled. 

“What’s all this?” she asked, befuddled, a warm grin on her face. 

“We noticed you looked a little down,” Clint noted. 

“And you just got back,” Bruce added. 

“So they thought it would be nice to have a little welcome home dinner. Nothing fancy, just… the tower isn’t the same without you, babe,” Tony said, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” she said with a humble, sweet smile. 

“Nonsense!” Steve objected as Tony let go of her and Steve’s arm replaced it. “You deserve it. We all missed you.” 

“Well, thank you, all of you. I missed you too.”

---------------------------

Sometime later that evening, you called Shannon on the video chat. The AI found her closest device and opened up, displaying where she was. 

“Hey, Sha--” Was all you got out before you saw what was going on around her. It appeared to be a small party. Shannon had a drink in her hand, as did all the Avengers and a few other people you didn’t recognize. She was laughing and hitting Nat’s arm, while Tony and Clint were smiling and talking. Bruce seemed to be having a good time with the strangers, talking. 

At first, you were happy, a smile pulling at your lips, but just as you were about to join in, you realized -- you couldn’t. You couldn’t open your mouth and tell a joke, you couldn’t say anything to anyone… Because you were locked away, several floors below them, paying for your crime. Even if you did try to blend in, even if you did try to get anyone’s attention, you would be met with a resounding “fuck off”. Who knew what kind of pandemonium would’ve erupted if they knew you were contacting them. 

With a sad sigh, you swiped over to the texting app and sent Shannon a text, telling her that you were good to go.

You switched back to the video app, where Shannon pulled out her phone, smiled at it, typed a quick response, and pocketed it again. 

“Sounds good. I’ll talk to Fury,” she sent back.

Your face fell and you were about to close the app when you noticed Steve Rogers was looking at you. It seemed he had just glanced up. Your eyes met but you didn’t have it in you to try and smile to be polite. Steve gazed at you, and if you weren’t mistaken, you saw… sympathy in his eyes, in his slight frown. He gave you a tiny nod, and you returned it before your gaze dropped. 

Unable to bear the sadness, and downright pity for yourself, you closed the video app. Steve looked away, feeling sorry for you, but tried to get back to the party. 

Sulking, you closed the tablet and left it on the coffee table to get up and go to bed. 

Loki peered up at you from his magazine, a worried frown etched into his stunning features. “Darling?” 

“Hmm?” you hummed.

“Is everything alright? I thought you were going to call Shannon?” 

You turned slowly to face him. “Uh, I did. She was busy so… I'll catch up with her tomorrow,” you said, hoping to hide your disappointment. 

“Are you sure? You seem upset,” he commented as he stood and came over to you, putting his hands on your arms. 

“I’m fine,” you lied. 

He peered down at you with peculiarity. “If you’re not fine, you know you can tell me. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll understand.”

You smiled up at him, loving that you could tell him anything. “Alright, that’s fair. I'm not fine, but I don’t feel like talking about it.” 

He smiled. “There we are.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m here if you need me.”

“I know,” you assured before leaning up to kiss him earnestly, but quickly. “Thank you. I just want to go to bed for now. I’ll let you know if I feel like talking.”

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll be in shortly,” he promised with warmth. He let go of you and you nodded slightly before heading to bed and curling up in your bed. The bed you lived in for the last several months… the bed you would probably live the rest of your life in. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876​ @magpiegirl80​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @iamwarrenspeace​ @marvel-imagines-yes-please​ @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification​ @thejemersoninferno​ @rda1989​ @munlis​ @thefridgeismybestie​​ @bubblyanarocks3​​ @igiveupicantthinkofausername​​ @kaliforniacoastalteens​ @feelmyroarrrr​​ @kaelingoat​ @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo​​ @damalseer​​ @heyitscam99​​ @yknott81​​ @sorryimacrapwriter​​ @glitterquadricorn​​ @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm​​ @alyssaj23​​ @sea040561​​ @princess76179​​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​​ @sarahp879​​ @malfoysqueen14​​ @ellallheart​​ @breezy1415​​ @marvelmayo​​ @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton

@paintballkid711​

Loki: @lostinspace33​​ @ultrarebelheart​​ @lenawiinchester​​ @esoltis280​​ @tngrayson​​ @wangdeasang​​ @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice​​

UC:

@lokis-high-priestess​

[fe8meta]

The War’s Legacy

As a volunteer archivist at a local historical site, I’ve worked closely with books and documents largely between 150~250 years old. (If you’re curious, mostly regarding the period between the American Revolution to the Civil War, plus the anti-slavery movement. There’s also more “domestic” stuff like agriculture, science, mathematics, and religion.)

It got me thinking: In Magvel, how will the war, and the people who participated in it, be remembered? Most characters have a good portion of their lives left to live after the war too, but for those who are remembered down the line, their participation in the war will probably be their biggest accomplishment.

To start things off: more likely than not, anyone who wasn’t royalty or an important military figure is probably going to get forgotten, especially if fighting in the war was their only achievement.

(From my experience as an archivist, I’ve noticed that a great deal of people who were seen as the big movers and thinkers during their time have been lowered to one-note and forgettable in some 150-ish years of history. That’s not a lot of time!)

I think the list of characters who are remembered decades after their deaths on a continental scale (some characters may remain important figures in their own communities) would be the royals, the generals (Seth plus the Imperial Generals), and the Demon King (plus his cult).

The Royals

Ephraim: Regarding the war, Ephraim will probably get his war strategies and accomplishments written about. I expect a great deal of historians (particularly Renaian ones) debating his decision to abandon his homeland and bring the fight into Grado, though his later decisions will probably receive praise.

Eirika: Honestly? I think she’ll largely receive praise from future historians. Despite getting tricked at Renvall and the blunder of losing the Sacred Stone (on her route), I think historians would agree that her calculations were solid based on the information she knew at the time. Even if she had Seth advising her, she had no formal training in tactics or the art of war, making her achievements even more impressive.

~ / ~ / ~

Innes: Like Eirika, I think he’d be validated by historians, particularly for being the only one to actually predict and prepare for a wartime scenario. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but based on what we know of him story-wise, he probably would go down as one of the best leaders of his time.

Tana: She’s gutsy and I think she’ll at least become a popular figure for young women. Some historians may lambast her earlier captures attributable to her inexperience, but hey, if she got out alive than it’s not too bad. I think later in life, being largely free to do whatever she wants (within reason), she’d continue onto a path of public service, which she can probably gather great acclaim for.

~ / ~ / ~

L’Arachel: I think a lot of attention will go towards her theatrics. If you go with the idea that L’Arachel doesn’t actually lead her country (see the Solo Endings JP vs. EN post for details), I think her relationship with the other royals and how she’s involved in continental politics will be the primary focus in biographies. (She also, perhaps not coincidentally, has supports with all the other ruling royals, discounting Tana as she canonically never lands in a leadership position.)

Joshua: Joshua’s reputation will be very, very mixed down the line. He’s still has wanderlust and a gambling addiction, and regardless of his accomplishments as a king and Jehanna’s glorious revival, neither of those traits are a particularly good look. Not to mention that he abandoned his duty as prince for a solid 10 years, and then left Jehanna to its own devices again while going to stop the Demon King.

Even in Joshua’s dialogue after the final battle, he talks about returning to Jehanna in an almost resigned manner; no doubt he knows full well that he might not be received with open arms.

~ / ~ / ~

Lyon: Oh boy, what to say about Lyon. There are a lot of different ways this can go, branching from 3 options: Lyon’s involvement in the war is revealed in full, Lyon’s involvement is revealed but doctored to paint him in a more sympathetic light, or it gets entirely covered up/omitted and he goes down in history as an unfortunate casualty of the war.

No matter how you slice the first two options, Lyon’s legacy would definitely be extremely mixed, leaning towards the negative side. Not only is he on the wrong side of history, he’s also forced basically half the continent into the wrong side of history and ruined their military and did some very amoral things (reviving his father to use as a puppet, and by extension lying to the public, etc). Even the best doctoring can probably only redeem Lyon’s reputation from “the deepest depths of the sewers” to “neck-deep in the sewers.”

In the case where Lyon’s involvement in the war is covered up, it’s still only a matter of time before someone figures out the truth. With enough time, it can be relegated to a highly plausible and hotly-debated theory, but even so, it’s simply a matter of time. For an additional dose of irony, in this scenario, perhaps Grado nationalists down the line twist Lyon’s war into something “assertive” and depict it as the “correct” thing to do, when it was really anything but.

Vigarde: He’s in the same boat as Lyon. It really hinges on how the royals choose to depict Lyon’s situation to the public, because that will directly affect how Vigarde is seen. There’s little doubt that puppet!Vigarde’s actions probably destroyed popular opinion of him during the War. Whether he is redeemed on account of his situation or not is up for debate.

(Because the game doesn’t delve into Fado, Hayden, or Mansel much, I don’t have enough input to say how they’ll be seen by future historians.)

The Generals

Seth: He’s going to go down in history as a badass, let’s be real here. Took an attack from Valter himself to protect Eirika, didn’t let the injury debilitate him from fighting on the frontlines, mentored Eirika in the art of war during life-or-death battles, guided the twins on their journey, and continued helping them after the war’s end. Guy got things done, regardless of his personal sentiment about failing to protect King Fado.

Syrene: Technically a commander and not a general, but close enough that I’ll consider her. She... honestly doesn’t do that much on-screen. Doubtlessly she’ll be best remembered (on the battlefield) for being overpowered by the remnant of Grado’s forces, but at least she lived and (by the player’s discretion) kept all the villagers safe, so that’s something. At the very least, a coward she is not.

Carlyle: He’s going down in infamy. Like, his story can be crudely summed up as “I was loyal to Queen Ismaire partially because I wanted to bang her.” Yeah, that is not a good look. There isn’t even any interesting speculation or interpretations to make of his situation. He probably ruined the reputation of the Jehannan Army while he was at it.

Honestly, the only thing that would salvage his reputation is the fact that everyone who heard his confession is dead by the end of that battle. (Technically the map was a Seize Throne and not a Rout, but let’s be real -- we killed those guards.)

~ / ~ / ~

Duessel: The only Grado general to make it out alive. He’ll probably get a mixed reaction; those who praise him argue that he made the morally correct choice and had the nation’s best interests at heart. Some may criticize him for not acting sooner, while others may very well despise him as a traitor to the nation.

Selena: Another set of mixed reactions, though inverse from Duessel’s. She remained loyal to Vigarde to the very end, but people will debate where a knight’s loyalty should lie. It would also invite much debate over the ethics of Vigarde’s recruitment methods and whether it was a thinly-veiled manipulation tactic that citizens from poorer areas will fall for because it’s the only way to improve their livelihoods.

Glen: He’s like Syrene, except he died without doing much. If someone is interested in finding out more about him before his death, at least they have Cormag to interview. Depending on whether his two adjutants survived against Valter’s goons, if someone tracked them down, they might get a story out of them as well. That said, his history with Valter would probably be of great interest to Valter’s biographers.

~ / ~ / ~ 

Valter: Historians, psychologists, and scholars will have a field day with him and his circumstances. From his upbringing to his descent into madness and subsequent exile, to his reinstatement and brutality during the war before his ultimate death, there is a lot to unpack with him. People tend to have morbid curiosities and oh, will Valter sate that appetite.

Caellach: Caellach will probably be praised for being good at what he did even if he was ultimately on the wrong side of history. Since he started off as a mercenary, I feel like people won’t judge him too harshly. His potential betrayal and murder of Aias will be an interesting chapter to write about, though, since historians may have access to more knowledge on their pre-war relationship that we players don’t have.

Riev: He’s ugly, a Demon King cultist, and directly responsible for Lyon’s (and by extension, Grado’s) downfall. He’s going to be reviled for sure, though he will spark some interesting discussion relating to his history with the Rausten Church. A lot of speculation on how he came to became an adherent of the Demon King... or not, depending how whether that kind of talk is suppressed.

After all, if a former bishop converted, it not only challenges the legitimacy of the Rausten Church, it would also pique the interest of those who want to see what made Riev change his mind. And should someone also adopt his ideology, the continent can’t take another Demon King revival attempt.

Which leads me to...

The Demon King

Now, this will be a little game called “How many generations will it take before the Demon King gets relegated to a legend that no one believes in again.”

It’s also pretty important that the Demon King is not completely destroyed; he just no longer has his huge menacing body to use and will have to make do with those fragile human flesh sacks. But his soul is still intact, and if nothing is done to get rid of it for good, it’s setting up for a Part 3.

Like with Lyon, how information about the Demon King is handled by the characters after the world will probably have a huge impact. Not to mention the many implications the circumstances around his possession of Lyon has. Dark/ancient magic will most certainly face a resurgent wave of discrimination, far more than seen before. (Magvel was, from what we could see, largely apathetic about dark magic before Lyon’s attempts to redeem its name. Ironically, his actions will rekindle hatred towards it.)

As aforementioned, educating people on the Demon King and how dangerous he is may help ensure that nobody tries to mess with him again. On the other hand, it may inspire copycats who for whatever reason want the Demon King to be revived. (The game also never followed up on the implication that there’s a cult that worships the Demon King; we killed Riev and Novala, and destroyed Fomortiis’ body, but there may still be more members lurking in the dark.)

Meanwhile, trying to bury information about Fomortiis can also backfire down the line, especially if people don’t learn what the Sacred Stone is for and one day crack the seal open for one reason or another. (And we saw how well keeping the true Stone hidden behind trinkets while keeping its wearer in the dark of its true purpose went.)

This is making me imagine Demon King apologists down the line that provide an “alternative history” about the war and how it’s all some ancient conspiracy to lock him away and he “isn’t actually bad, just misunderstood”...

Oh hey, isn’t that the direction Dragalia Lost’s main story is going in?

[rangerslayer-97]

An Analysis of Ahsoka and Windu's Interaction in TCW Finale Season 7 Episode 11 - Why Windu's Comment is in the Right

It's been 28 days since the Clone Wars finale finished. It has been 31 days since Episode 11: Shattered aired. This was the infamous episode that had a good majority raging anger at Jedi Master/General and Council Member Mace Windu.

In the opening 5-6mins, we see the Jedi Council meeting via hologram, the scene we see taking place on Coruscant in Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. Moments after, Ahsoka walks in with Rex. Now, this opinion might put me in the crosshairs of some people who will think differently, but I have an inkling or belief some are misinterpreting this particular scene.

Let me make it clear first: I love Ahsoka. She is one of the greatest characters brought into the Star Wars mythos by George Lucas and brought to life by Dave Filoni and voiced wonderfully by the talented Ashley Eckstein. Do you want to know how much Ahsoka Tano means to me? I wouldn't have come back and embraced Star Wars again had I not discovered her character watching random Rebels clips on YouTube which led me back to the Clone Wars ~2yrs ago.

I greatly thank Ashley Eckstein for bringing me back to the fandom. Back to the main point, separating voice actor/actress from their character. In my point of view, I'm NOT directing it at EVERYONE, but some of those who love or big fans of Ahsoka so much there's no fault in her. Her character had faults in the beginning and she's still a flawed character. Ahsoka is flawed, but so well written, she is relatable and to a certain degree, perfect. That's not what I'm on about. It's about the lash and some giving Windu the slap because of how he addresses and speaks to Ahsoka post-capture and detainment of Maul.

We all know, but to refresh some, Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, this effectively removing her status as a Jedi Padawan and Commander of the 501st Legion of the Grand Army of the Republic. She chose to walk away and strip herself of everything, military rank and privileges. She is essentially a standard citizen trying to survive and make ends meet of a cruel galaxy, in a dying Galactic Republic. We are well aware, the twilight of the Republic and the Jedi was near, inevitable and unavoidable. So let me reiterate Ahsoka's stance, because this is an important point. Tano is a CITIZEN. She's a CIVILIAN.

Push forward to the Siege of Mandalore, without a doubt, some time has passed and Ahsoka's walkabout took place before the Bad Batch arc, with Republic on shaky battle grounds against the Separatists on Annaxes, which it's sitting on a major hyperspace lane direct to Coruscant (way too close for comfort).

By the time Ahsoka fills in the Council about the status of Maul and Mandalore, here comes the scene that had a lot of people running up the walls of how Windu addresses and treats Ahsoka. Let's remind ourselves of some vital quotes and points. Ahsoka was not a Jedi, she gave that up. She could have chosen to enlist directly into the GAR instead as a commissioned officer or take back her position as Commander via the GAR. Positions and military rank were given to the Jedi by their own status in the Order. Knights and Masters given General, Padawans ranked Commanders (Obi-wan an exception since he had a Clone Marshal Commander).

The Siege of Mandalore was going to be a sticky one despite success because Mandalore is a neutral planet, though it had links to the Republic, but is very much neutral. I won't go into complexities, but visit the YouTube channel Generation Tech, they did a very good exploration into it. I'll avoid politics standpoints for now.

Back to the primary point. Ahsoka stated she only fought in the siege as her duty as a citizen, but as not a Jedi.

"I did my duty as a citizen." - Ahsoka Tano

She also says prior to that statement:

"I will escort Commander Rex when he delivers him to Coruscant." - Ahsoka Tano

Finished with:

"No, not yet." - Ahsoka Tano

This is the key point here. Ahsoka is a citizen. She aided as a citizen, fought as a citizen and she is taking time out to escort Commander Rex and the 332nd back to Coruscant. After that, she would have went her separate ways (but we all know disaster strikes). To make it clear: Ahsoka Tano is a citizen who freely involved herself in what would have been a campaign, part of the Outer Rim Sieges and in extension, Jedi business.

Now, the statement Windu make upon the 'wrapping up' of the meeting.

"I'm sorry, citizen, but these are matters for the Council to discuss." - Mace Windu

And this where lovers of TCW nearly flipped the table. The scenario was read and interpreted as rude and maybe even condescending on Ahsoka, despite her service in the siege. However, I think the scene is being read incorrectly.

Ahsoka openly stated before the High Jedi Council that she is a citizen, only fought as her duty as a citizen. How often in real life do you hear a citizen involving themself in a military campaign? It's almost unheard of, but this is Star Wars and it's fiction, but there is real life influences that make logical sense.

In this case, there is without a doubt somewhere in the regulation handbook of the GAR that under any circumstances are civilians NOT to be disclosed to military information. Military information and even to involved in the Council meeting, it's something not be shared with a civilian. Sharing what is classified information is a MAJOR breach in security. I'm not saying Ahsoka is a spy (though she does become a pretty badass one one in Rebels), but because of her status as a civilian, she cannot be disclosed such information. Heck, even if the boys wanted to see her again, Ahsoka cannot walk into the Clone Barracks anymore. She probably can, unless someone escorts her, people like Rex or a fellow General such as Anakin.

We already know Windu is getting stressed by the war, almost desperate to end the war and we all know the action he takes in the film. Windu does love the Republic, if I'm correct, it was quoted in Stover's ROTS novelisation, he thought he is doing best for the Republic.

Anyways, I think there are those being too harsh on Windu. Think about it again, I'd you were in Ahsoka's shoes, a citizen after fighting in a siege, essentially part of the Clone Wars, neither you would be privy to sensitive information. Windu is stoic as it is, it's not his attitude, it's his tone that came across as condescending. He was only repeating what Ahsoka stated to them, so his mindset was: "alright, you called yourself a citizen, then you shall be treated as such". Yes, his tone might not have helped much, but he is right. Ahsoka could be disclosed what is highly sensitive and classified information. If they did, just because she used to be part of the Order, it is A MAJOR BREACH in security protocol.

To repeat: Windu is correct to tell Tano that she cannot be disclosed what goes on in a Council Meeting or the situation of the war. It is all down due her status as a citizen. It would be a different story if after leaving the Jedi, she reinstated herself by enlisting with the GAR.

Just remember that despite misgivings, Windu is a highly valued member of the Jedi Order and a highly skilled one. He is also powerful in the Force. Before the war broke out in 22 BBY, he was trained as a Jedi Guardian, up to the events of TPM, he was already a Master of the Order and even one of the best swordsman of the time. He was first taught under Grand Master Yoda, then his years as Padawan up to the Jedi Knight Trials learning under Jedi Master T'ra Saa. At a very young agree too, he discovered his rare Force ability to see shatterpoints in the Force. This skill greatly aided Windu at how hissy would his future actions, along with the vulnerability of the opponents he faced. Because of his ability in shatterpoint, Windu even had glimpses into parts of the future of how he works build his lightsaber.

Windu also created one off the most difficult lightsaber forms that the Jedi Order forbade except to even and perhaps even his own student: Master Depa Billaba. Quinlan Vos is another notable practitioner. A counteract style to Form VII: Juyo. He created Vaapad, along with another Jedi Master named Sora Bulq. Quoting Windu on his description when he created the form:

"I created Vaapad to answer my weakness: it channels my own darkness into a weapon of the light." - Mace Windu

Windu had his own struggles with the Dark Side and he channelled that into a form. To use ones own inner darkness and channel it into a weapon of the light and not even fall in the process. It's an opposite of Juyo, the style being more of a 'state of mind' and not just another fighting style. To channel their own darkness and accept the fury of an opponent whereas Juyo as described by Kreia:

"Predictably, he seeks to unbalance you with his erratic attacks. His technique is called Juyo, the most chaotic of the lightsaber forms. This form sacrifices much to bolster offense, leaving one exposed to attack by the Force." - Kreia

This post had gone on long enough, all I'm saying is to maybe read the interaction between Ahsoka and Windu a little bit differently. Windu is correct not to disclose classified information, even council information especially with her status as a civilian. Perhaps don't be quick to judge Windu or even just think twice. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get out of my head.