#but a lot of that shit feels very reminiscent of my childhood. i was also raised in front of a camera for an audience

[sangfielle]

family bloggers go to hell no matter what

[returquoise]

ATLALA, aka Avatar the Last Airbender Live Action

Sooooo, I finished the first season and had thoughts (just like everyone else lol). First context, non-spoilery thoughts, and then spoilers under the cut, yadda-yadda.

Why context? Because for a lot of people OG ATLA was their childhood, and they have super strong feelings about it and about any adaptation that exists. I'm not one of those people.

The first time I watched OG ATLA I was over 20 years old, which means I was an adult and had adult viewpoints about the story – worldbuilding, character writing, etc. It was never the hallowed most perfect show ever for me. It was and still is a fucking good show with some amazing writing and worldbuilding but I did have some gripes.

So when ATLALA was announced I remained neutral – I've seen the movie that shall not be named and din't really like it but shitty adaptations have always existed. When we started getting photos and trailers and news pieces, I was feeling pretty positive about the visuals, but neither news pieces or trailers actually tell you shit about what the writing or worldbuilding is like. However, I was about 70% optimistic.

Because what indications I did get about visuals, writing etc, were very reminiscent of another adaptation that had come out recently, about a series that was actually a bit more important to me on an emotional than ATLA. I'm talking about One Piece, and OPLA which came out last August. I've been a fan of that for 10 years longer than ATLA, and while they did a lot of changes, the spirit of the story was there.

So I copied my optimism and good feelings from that, going into ATLALA.

Now, the thoughts.

Visuals are pretty good. There are moments when I can tell they left some visuals out due to trickiness/budget (the "is Zuko's ship real?" review after the premiere). Some things look fake or plasticy, some stuff is too clean. Bending looks a lot better than in the movie that shall not be named.

Writing has issues. Some of it is very expositiony which makes it wooden and the shots uninteresting (there were so many badly framed shots with characters just awkwardly standing and talking). There are some lovely bits of dialogue that gave me feelings, but those moments were in the minority. And some writing choices were also quite childish, even for an adaptation of a kids' cartoon, so I'm a bit confused about the intended age demographic – except there are some really violent bits in there, which leave me even more confused.

Pacing was either frantic or okay-ish. The writers clearly had trouble paring down the OG series, and then ended up cramming stuff together. I could keep up with it (knowing what certain characters roughly meant for the plot, even if they were at a different place and time), but I'm not quite sure if someone uninitiated in the OG series could. The last 2 episodes had probably the best pacing and even then there were some things that made me go "hmmm."

Some actors have issues emoting – main and extras. I agree that the Gaang has lost some of their flaws compared to the OG series. Maybe some of them will make more of an appearance in season two when everyone's more experienced at acting? Especially considering that they'll likely have stuff more spaced out there – there are some episodes I'm pretty sure they'll outright skip, just based on the choices in this season. But we'll see. There were some fun and interesting bonding moments between different characters.

Sokka, Zuko, and Suki were the standouts from the younger cast. Suki is considerably different from the OG but it was acted and written well, and is an interesting choice. Sokka's quips, while not as numerous as in the OG, were fun. Physical comedy is obviously more toned down because real bodies can't do the same shit as cartoons. More about his arc choices later. Zuko was a bit toned down from the OG but IMO also the closest to it. And as someone who's almost finished with a Zuko AU fanfic, I was positively cackling due to the fact that some of the choices made for the character are similar to something I've done in my fic.

As for the rest of the main kids, there'll be more in the spoiler bits, BUT, they're different, and feel less experienced in acting. They're not bad but some choices were definitely different than in the show and they offer interesting opportunities. We'll see how they pan out, but be prepared for some speculation from me.

Fight scenes sometimes had IMO slow moments in the choreo, and they could have been better. Some were excellent, some a bit ehhh.

On the whole, I think this is about 7 out of 10. Some moments were 8 out of 10. It's a passable adaptation

Spoilery thoughts waaaay down.

Whoo boy. Where to start here?

Let's start with the cramming. As far as I can tell from my notes, the episodes are roughly divided like so:

EP1: 3,5 and bits (Boy in the Iceberg, Avatar Returns, Southern Air Temple, half of the Storm, bits of Avatar and the Fire Lord)

EP2: 1 and bits (Warriors of Kyoshi, part of Waterbending Scroll)

EP3: 3 halves (King of Omashu, Jet, Northern Air Temple)

EP4: 1, 4 halves and bits (King of Omashu, Jet, Northern Air Temple, Cave of Two Lovers, half of Winter Solstice P1, bits of the Avatar Day,)

EP5: 2 halves and pieces of 3 (half of Winter Solstice P1, half of Bato of the Water Tribe, part of Southern Raiders, part of the Library, part of Siege of the North) AND timeskip mention of the Great Divide and the pirates from Waterbending Scroll

EP6: 2, two halves and bits (Winter Solstice P2, Blue Spirit, half of Bato of the Water Tribe half of the Storm, part of Siege of the North)

EP7: 2 (Waterbending Master, Siege of the North)

EP8: 2 and pieces (Siege of the North, Return to Omashu, bits of Northern Air Temple, part of the Library)

Waterbending Scroll is a bit of throughline because you see moments of training in pretty much all of the episodes.

Episode 1 was very full, and felt rushed at times. There were a few places where they could have shortened some parts (like the earthbender spy scene at the start) to give more time for other stuff. Biggest gripes are the convenience of timing – Aang going off to clear his head only for everyone to die that very night. HOWEVER, me and my friends talked about it being likely Spirit shenanigans going "fuck, Air Nomads are gonna die now, we need to deepfreeze the Avatar for storage." We also concluded that the sudden current of Sokka and Katara finding Aang was either physics we don't understand, or Spirit shenanigans. Also the thing about all the Air Nomads coming over for the Great Comet festival? And then having so few of them on screen? Sorry, but I ain't buying it. Having such a sparse population in one temple I could have bought (with caveats) but adding in the gathering, nah.

Episode 2, Sokka-Suki was beautiful. I think it works even with the removed downplaying of girls capabilities (this change also brought some other stuff to Sokka I absolutely adored in later episodes but I'll talk about that when I start ranting about the characters). This was pretty close to the OG episode in many ways and I really don't have other problems with it, besides the somewhat childish end discussion about hope and shit with Aang and Suki's mom (Suki having a badass mom is fun). Manifesting Avatars and being able to talk to them only at their shrines will be an interesting take on stuff. Because that will affect some stuff on later seasons and I'm not sure how.

(And considering how scared Aang is of the Avatar State this early on, we might end up skipping the Avatar State in the next season. At least partially. Because we did get a lot of info now.)

That's a very full itinerary and it was hardest to follow at eps 3-4 because there were so many things going on. Jet's and the Mechanist's conflicting storylines made for an interesting drama (though, again, hard to follow) and gave Sokka and Katara something to do – which they didn't really have in the OG Omashu episode, which was what Aang was mostly dealing with here. In my opinion these two episodes didn't get a proper handling, because they're one of the few instances were we get people from the Earth Kingdom doing questionable shit, but we don't really discuss it. And while everyone know marketing is a mistake (it makes no one happy), considering that this series was trying to sell itself as a more mature take, that feeling is left kinda lacking in regards to Jet and the Mechanist. I do appreciate Bumi being fucking bitter, like Yass, you go king, as well as the bit with the Earth Kingdom soldiers speaking of grief and mistreating Iroh. That complexity is what was left lacking with Jet and the Mechanist, and how Katara and Sokka dealt with that emotionally. Also loved Zuko getting hit by a broom and Iroh taking the fall for him. The Zuko-Zhao alliance was an interesting angle to take (after messing it up pfft) and establishing early that Azula is a master infiltrator? I liked that move, also the fact that there are Fire Nation rebels. Although I fucking loved the quick fake marriage.

5 and 6, despite being about as full if not fuller, were weaven together really well in my opinion. My biggest gripe with that two episode storyline was how the Fire Sage Shyu-Aang team-up was done – not that it was any better in the OG to be fair but it is more jarring in live action. I just about died at the 41st twist because holy shit that's an amazing angst take and I appreciate it so much. And while we do get Aang planting an acorn, it feels like a really small moment and I think the Hei Bai issue should have got a bit more attention as the episode was resolved. Koh was fucking terrifying and the appearance of Wan Shi Tong – and in the last two episodes the appearance of the celestial objects calendar machine, as well as the fact that Zhao got his dirt on Tui and La from a Fire Sage – leads me to believe we won't be getting the Library episode next season.

(The only way I can see Return to Omashu happening is if it's remixed with Imprisoned which was totally left out of this season, or we get the important info aka neutral Jing info all from the Swamp, or from a letter Bumi sent. I personally think Return to Omashu-Imprisoned remix is more likely, just so we can prep Teo and the Mechanist for the Day of the Black Sun which we saw flashing by on the celestial objects machine just before we finally got the confirmation that Sozin's Comet is still a thing. Although The Avatar State could also be remixed into this in a sort of "yes, Earth Kingdom needs to free Bumi etc but I can't do it in Avatar State, we need to be smart.")

Episodes 7 and 8 were pretty chill in pacing issues. I thought Yue was a bit too quick in warming up to Sokka but considering how it was explained I can accept it. Also, the fact that Tui and La are intelligent enough to not be fish 24/7/365 is a change that makes sense although the whole Ice Moon (is it the local Halloween?) thing was very out of left field. Women joining the fight was a wild update and definitely more of a modern take than an early 2000s take. Do I have other thoughts? Sure, but I don't want to write bajillion essays and I just want a general overview in one post.

Zuko is, like I said, a standout. Absolutely love his conspiracy board, and as someone who writes a fic with a more scholarly inclined Zuko, I loved him being able to draw, being the foremost Avatar expert in the world (you can't tell me there can be more than one or two people out there who know more than Zuko at this point, look at his research), and having opinions about calligraphy brushes. Ugh, my heart. There's some absolutely wonderful acting happening and he does action really well. Is he a bit less explosive than in the OG? Sure, but one must remember, that adaptations are just licensed fanfics. His abuse background is in the performance, and my biggest question is the Agni Kai. There was a certain desperation in his face, so he must have wanted to make an impression on Ozai, and maybe felt a bit more like he had the right to it – as this show made it clear he had been invited in the War Council and did not needle his way in. Also the 41st twist oh holy smokes I just about screamed. His flaw is still anger and trouble thinking plans through.

Azula (her bangs in the flashback crack me up, was that her emo phase?) is more obviously affected by Ozai's games in this. I know OG Azula has loads of fans and there are loads of deep dives into her character and abuse and etc, but this is actually the first time her writing has made it obvious to me. She's still cold and calculating, but she's affected by more things and that makes her into a more approachable character for me. I know many fans got this from the OG portrayal so I know this is a me thing.

Sokka is another standout. I saw an interview where the actor was like "I tried to interject and ad lib humour where I could" and I appreciate it, because a lot of them made me cackle. There was some really good humour there. As for his arc and conflict; I think it's really interesting that he tries to live up to his dad's image of a warrior, and doing it very much out of duty. It isn't so much that he wants to be a warrior, but he wants to be good enough and I think that came through wonderfully. He can be a warrior, but it ain't his passion. It also offers very interesting bonding possibilities and parallels with Zuko. My heart broke at that ice-dodging scene in episode 5, as well as his heart-to-heart with Katara in episode 4 (fucking SIBLING LOVE TRIUMPHS). Also absolutely loved the fact that he supported Katara being a warrior in the North. His flaws in the OG are self-esteem issues (nailed here), and a certain level of arrogance, that affected his attitude towards girls at times. The latter has been removed but considering it only lasted until episode 4 in the OG series anyway, I don't see it as a terribly big deal. We can still get his "it'll totally work out this way" arrogant moment at pretty much any point in the story in the future.

Katara has trouble emoting. I don't know how much experience her actor has with acting, but I hope she gets better with practice. There are some very nice bonding moments she has with Sokka and Aang that bring emotion out, but she's very stone faced a lot of the time. One could read it as a symptom of seeing her mother being literally burned alive but that depends on how her arc is written in future seasons, and how it's acted. I really like the parallel with Sokka, of him trying to be a warrior out of duty, while Katara wants to be that and has trouble getting the opportunity to do so. This came out really well in episode 4. The fact that she was made a fucking commander of sorts at North was amazing moment of proving to her that she can be, that she is, a warrior. I'm kinda sad her temper has been left out of the writing, because with her being a self-taught water bender (which I'm okay with because we see her practising every fucking episode) there's a threat of her sliding into so-called Mary Sue territory. Hopefully Toph's inclusion brings her temper out next season. She's also missing some of her naiveté, although having a crush on the first good looking outsider (with fucking mirrored shots) just like her brother is hilarious.

Aang is... to mature. He gets a lot of really good and morally and ethically right speeches, and while he expresses that he's scared and doesn't know what he's doing, it still feels too mature. He also doesn't have that many dumbass child moments (what was that episode he just went "oops" in, that was funny and felt childlike, and then there was the water fight he had with Katara). It could be because we're going through stuff so fast but it'll be hard to fix later. I kinda like how his connection with Katara is being the last of their kind and loss – and then the small really good acting in ep7 when Katara says stewed sea prunes taste like home, and you can just see him go "oh, there's still someplace she can belong to, unlike me." I loved his calligraphy brush discussion with Zuko, because there was the beginnings of a bond there. As a friend said, it's nice they removed the Disney princess like love at first sight thing from the OG. If this turns into a romance (I have thoughts on that... later) I feel like it has a better chance to grow organically. No, I never shipped Kataang, please refer to the context part of this post.

Suki had a fun isolated, but curious, and socially awkward vibe to her. She's obviously different from the OG, but it's a fun and interesting difference, as the most characterisation we ever got for her was badass. Yue was interesting, more assertive and playful, which I liked. I also liked the fact that she had obvious duties and was expected to be the next chief. Even if the Northern Water Tribe sexism was kept, this felt like it added some dimension to it. June flirting with Iroh was hilarious, enough said. Mai and Ty Lee are blanks of wood. Their writing, and the direction they were given was horrible, and they're a prime example of that awkward standing and bad framing issue I mentioned way earlier. Ty Lee could have at least been bending herself into a pretzel, and Mai could have been using a knife to dig stuff from under her nails or something. I hope they get better writing and direction in the future.

Iroh was honestly pretty enjoyable. There were some moments of skilled evasive answering, but I was left missing him saying that Zuko was like a son to him. They do have really good chemistry though and you can see the care between the characters. I hated the long monologue at the end of episode 6, that felt very much beneath whatever target audience they were aiming for, and failed show not tell. Not perfect but can improve. Also, that one part where they played Leaves on the Vine, I almost died.

Ozai being a manipulative, abusive game addict is different but offers him some agency and motivation besides megalomania, which I appreciate. He had a peculiar expression when he burned Zuko, and that smells like hidden lore to me.

That's probably every character I feel like addressing at this point. However, I did mention romance in Aang's section, and I have to agree with the other whispers on the net. The fucking scarf scene. At this point, it's more likely for this show to be Zutara than Kataang IMO. BUT before people go and blow up about it, some points; cartoons offer more leeway in visual age differences, I feel like they would need to extend ATLALA plot line to last several years (instead of like, 9 months it's in the OG) to make it visually make sense. The Fortuneteller (as well as Katara's obsession with love?), and Aang's love at first sight have all been written out. Cave of Two Lovers was used for sibling love on the first season, and we ain't visiting that location again, not with how efficiently we did pretty much all of the Omashu stuff this season. Most of the Kataang iconic moments have been left out deliberately. Does this mean we'll get Zutara? Of course not, but due to the scarf scene, as well as that rivals thing they have going (we literally have two fights between Zuko and Katara this season, and the water sprout she used to thwart his fireball in episode one, and if that isn't a traditional beginning of a rivalry, nothing is), it's certainly more likely at this point than Kataang.

But we'll see, just like with everything else. It's an okay start, it's far from perfect, but it does offer new viewpoints that I find fascinating.

What's in the future.

I already explained my Return to Omashu-Imprisoned-Avatar State mash-up idea above, and that we'll likely miss the Library. I also think Avatar Day will be left out. I do however think, that we'll get the Deserter next season. We also need a way for Aang to learn about the Comet coming again and if Library is out (and probably also the Desert), best chances are IMO the Swamp or the Fortuneteller (remixing those two together is also possible). Or maybe Yeong Yeong has spies and they tell him about the Comet and he tells the Gaang. I also think they'll be foreshadowing/setting up White Lotus a bit more than we got in the OG.

I don't quite have my thought together enough to make any other guesses, but we will get Toph, Ba Sing Se, and Azula's Mean Girls Squad, but no clue yet how they'll be remixed. Season 2 has a much clearer timeline structure, whereas season 1 had a lot of episodic stuff that doesn't timeline wise offer too many roadblocks for remixes, as we saw with what they did with Omashu.

I think that's about everything I can think off. If you have comments, please be nice. This was mostly rambling, and tin foil hat baiting.

[melonnabar]

REASONS WHY I HC BOOSTER GOLD WITH BPD

A RANT

First of all, I’ve been diagnosed with BPD so most of this is from my own experiences w BPD and projection,,

So starting off with this:

Booster Gold’s imposter syndrome without the success part!

He quite literally travelled back in time to become a superhero so he could escape the shithole of his old life + make everyone like him.

Or that he’s kind of struggled his entire life of wanting to be good enough but missing the mark so, so so many times and yet he keeps putting up superficial fronts around people he wants to seek approval from?

Also whenever I see him argue with Ted (especially in Superbuddies(??) I can’t help but feel like some of his outbursts feel reminiscent of my own splitting episodes?

Thinking about how in that comic Booster is extremely frustrated w Ted for maturing in my brain it’s because he feels like he’s being left behind,, and him saying the most underhanded shit and getting extremely offended when Ted says something equally as shitty back

Oh and also that Ted is quite literally his favorite person.

Booster dedicates a lot of time and effort to spending time with Ted or going through drastic measures to do shit for him like this

Also I rly like this panel because it’s very clear the way he views himself when he masquerades as nova for a while

These next few images are taken from my own personal listings I used to show my therapist! Yellow check mark is what I feel fits booster the most and the blue ones is just me lmao

Booster mirroring other people/beliefs/personality traits that he believes will get him the most acceptance and the constant need that he has to prove himself to people even though he doesn’t have to at all,,

And Booster being an extremely spontaneous and impulsive person!! Hence some of the utterly garbage shenanigans he somehow brainstorms up that ends up putting him and Ted in jail or has him nearly erasing himself from existence lmao

I feel like it’s important to mention his nightmares as well, like this one.

And his father being extremely abusive and abandoning Booster’s family as well. Childhood abuse/neglect is a big BIG factor in why BPD functions the way it does because distress tolerance is basically nonexistent and the responses to stress don’t really develop.

Ok that’s enough rambling for now

I would talk more about it but I’m tired and not rly in the mood to write a full fledged essay on this but remember that BPD is a spectrum and most of this is based off of my own experience w it (I left out a lot of information bc some of it is extremely personal) n that everyone may experience it differently

[inspector-montoya-fox]

It's always really difficult to choose between An Opera of Fear and A Cold Alliance for my favourite Sly 3 episode, but it's safe to say that Flight of Fancy is easily the most nostalgic. Not because it's rooted in my childhood memories (it is) but in the sense that it shares elements with episodes from Sly 2 during a game which presents the gang at the peak of their career. Let's discuss

I think we can all agree that the series very effectively presents the gang's development, not only as individual characters, but also as a team of thieves. Sly 1 shows the gang as teens during their first set of adventures which sprout from Sly's desire for vengeance. They make many mistakes, they don't really have planned heists or jobs - Sly just casually goes into every level breaking shit and then faces off the big baddie - and they surpass their own expectations of themselves to defeat Clockwerk in the end. Then, Sly 2 covers a crucial point in the gang's career. It felt as if up until this point they hadn't truly fucked up so they went into it being very cocky, especially Sly. And when they got their asses handed to them by Neyla, getting separated tested their individual and collective limits.

In Sly 3, the gang has evolved to master thieves, capable enough to feel comfortable recruiting and as such mentoring strangers and also worthy enough to inherit an entire lineage's stolen loot. This is also shown in the missions, which up in scale and spectacle. It's no longer just "follow this villain" or "pickpocket this person". It's a combination of missions we grew accustomed to during Sly 2 like "follow Octavio and do recon under time pressure", or something completely new. Right off the bat, for example, we send a ferris wheel rolling across Venice squashing guards in its way, like this is just a mission not Thunderbeak or something. Every Sly 3 mission evolves explosions, high-tech and the eventual mini boss-fight.

So it's then a bit surprising to see the gang reverting to their sneakier, more subtle ways during Flight of Fancy. That's not to say we don't have explosions and thrill in the episode (the dogfights, Muggshot vs Carmelita, wolf-riding, shooting literal fucking windmills into blimps), but the way they choose to sabotage the competition due to how delicate its internal politics are creates some nostalgia. Paddling around the sewers in a blow-up rowboat and breaking into the pilots' rooms is very Sly 2. It felt like something 18 year old Sly would do. Also, scaling the Baron's castle harks back to Sly 1's platforming and is reminiscent of how small Sly would seem when approaching a villain's daunting lair.

The design choices for the Netherlands seem primitive too, enhanced by the fact that we're in the countryside. I feel like there's that Sly 1 and 2 rule of thumb at play here, where Sucker Punch chose the aesthetic or genre first and then chose the location. For example, they wanted a spooky level in Sly 2 so they chose Prague which would accommodate the genre through its architecture and gothic character. That allowed them to exaggerate a lot in terms of level design. And it's the same for Flight of Fancy, where we have a spooky castle on top of a very cartoony hill and you can hide under haystacks. Oppositely, the rest of the game's levels seem to have departed from the previous entries' design principle (except Kaine Island, which is fully fictional). It feels as if SP chose Venice and wanted to play up how European it is, or the wilderness of the Australian outback but without any radical stylistic choices. The genres are explored through the narrative, not through design.

Lastly, let's close off with some Thieves in Time slander because it wouldn't be a signature me tumblr essay without it. If we really use the entirety of our brain power and manage to look past all of the game's bullshit, one additional flaw would be how it doesn't consider the gang's development when telling its story. I'm not saying that in the series' fourth game the gang should have been infallible or indestructible due to achieving master thief status in Sly 3, but here the mistakes they make feel so unnecessarily stupid and like shit they wouldn't have done even in Sly 1. Falling for Penelope's schtick twice; Sly letting his guard down during the Le Paradox boss fight after the Contessa; whatever the fuck went down in Arabia... yea.

[postal-ech]

Alright no, I need to go into detail on this shit cause I swear to god, it lives rent free in my head. I'll split the post off here cause there's gonna be some spoilers for Lisa the Undone as well as a few other Lisa Fan Games that are on my mind

I'm also giving a CW here, cause Lisa covers some dark topics, and I want to unload it a bit here, especially given what I've seen out of Lisa the Undone.

Buckle up, it's gonna be a long, very autistically hyperfixated post.

So

I initially never really got into Lisa when it first came out. I was a shitlord that saw the fan content first, especially this project known as Interlopers - essentially, a Lisa-Undertale crossover featuring Buddy Armstrong and Chara Dreemur.

It piqued my interest a bit, but I never realized how one sided it was in exploring this stuff, especially given it was this crossover AU. It focused mainly on the Undertale fandom and some of the things that were popular at the time. It WAS going to explore its own version of Olathe on a sequel series but that was canceled later on, and the idea has become dormant since.

Later on, my curiosity grew and I looked into the Lisa side of things more. I discovered Lisa the Pointless, Lisa the Hopeful, and then I started looking into other fan projects here too.

Why this pretext? Because that was the gateway into Lisa proper.

I only got Lisa the Painful and Lisa the Joyful after its definitive edition released. At this point, I was pretty well versed in Brad's story - his trauma and pain, the struggles he faces after, the Joy abuse to numb the pain - so when I saw the campfire scenes between Brad and the other party members, especially with members like Terry or Queen Rodger, Bo and Olan, it sparked something there that's for fucking sure.

And then I got to the secret boss.

I'm a dude thar enjoys reading into shit, looking deep at the meaning of written projects be it games, movies, books, etc - Lore is my god damn drug, to put it in a TL:DR.

Seeing this huge call back to Lisa the First, Seeing the symbolism of joy spiders worshipping a Blue Eclipse above Brad's childhood home, fighting the manifestation of Marty Armstrong and reading the deeper, personal stuff that's said afterwards

That song, too, towards the very end of the sequence, with the music that's reminiscent of s church choir singing as Brad's childhood self descends into the darkness

That's what truly sold me on Lisa.

I know everyone has mixed feelings on Lisa the Joyful of course, especially in the way it handled Buddy - Some people were fine with it, and others didn't like the way she became this bloodthirsty girl out to murder shit indiscriminately

I say fair enough honestly, Joyful was a bit of a slog to get through compared to Painful

HOWEVER

There were two things I still enjoyed about it:

One, Dustin. Dustin was and still is the goddest boy despite his own flaws, and I was upset it wasn't explored more before his untimely death. Buddy actually starting to care about him before it all went downhill was tragic in its own right

Two, the DE content. Again, a lot of people were still mixed on it, but personally I saw it as a better expansion into Buddy healing from her trauma, understanding that- while Brad certainly was in the wrong in the way he raised her, he still tried his best in a world that definitely wanted to exploit her in the most horrific ways imaginable.

I'm fine with her even mentioning Lisa cause let's all be real here, she's definitely at least heard of her through Brad in some way, shape or form, and the ending bit where he explains the dead flower to her only reinforces that for me.

The more supernatural side of things feel interesting too, cause maybe it's just me, but reading into things, The Flash always had this sort of supernatural spin to it - how Olathe got so fucked up, how time doesn't seem to be entirely right in some areas or how everything got all mountainous and the likes. Probably just headcanon stuff but fuck it, I enjoy the speculation.

AND NOW, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR: LISA THE UNDONE.

So, with that context out of the way, I'll get into my proper thoughts with Lisa: The Undone.

Firstly, again I know not everyone will really agree with the ideas the Definitive Edition put out, especially in the case of Joyful with its Lisa the First callback and Buddy just slamming on Buzzo the way she does. That being said, I love the way Lisa the Undone tackles these ideas Joyful initially set our and explores them more.

The idea of Buddy being less hateful at first, just wanting to genuinely explore the weird and wacky world of Olathe despite its darkness is very welcome. With Dustin especially, this is only amplified.

A lot of the headcanoned and original stuff feel like they can fit right into the base Lisa games too honestly, and that's another thing I really appreciate about this fan gams

But the most important thing to me is the found family relationship between Dustin and Buddy, as well as the two other companions you can recruit.

Dustin is by no means perfect. This is undeniable enough given his actions in Painful and Joyful - He wants to do good, but it becomes a bit of a messiah complex especially for Buddy - who mind you, is only a pubescent kid during all of this shit. This is still translated well in this fan game, just less of a prominent character point - He still wants Buddy to have a good life and to be safe, but there's a clear struggle with seeing her as the Future of Olathe

And seeing her as just Buddy. Just Her.

And the fact that over the time, throughout the chapters, you see Dustin refer to her less as this important figure for the world and more as like a sibling, or just straight up family, that right there is what sells me on this.

Especially towards the end, where depending on your choices in the game, Buddy does eventually admit she can't help but care about people like Dustin.

That hits. That hits a good fucking bit.

And that's what I love to see in this. Sure, it may end with one of the two dying in part 2 of Undone, or depending on your actions it may end with tragedy for either of them

But the fact it works this found family dynamic so God damn well here, with how Buddy and Dustin care for each other AS that family despite Brad's own fuck-ups between the both of them.

Fuck man. It's good, and I hope this fandom explores it more here - especially with DE putting things into an interesting context too.

On a side note, God I also hope it explores DE's Warlord skills mechanics in the future, it's some god damn martial arts shit I love. Sure it may be Mega Man-esque bur god dammit the idea of Buddy learning and incorporating some ideas given from how each Warlord fights is SUCH a good idea and if there's ever a fan game that had Buddy exploring the greater world of Olathe, meeting the likes of Alex Churchland or Beltboy and shit like that, I wanna see her develop her own form of martial arts with or without the katana she's grown accustomed with god dammit.

God, I love Lisa. I love these games as much ad Undertale and Deltarune, and I need to write out some more shit for this series.

Thanks Austin Jorgensen you god damn mad man, and thanks to the Fandom for putting out such genuine bangers.

[sabakos]

favourite hxh character?

Killua, easily. I mean, I do love all the gay little outfits and the murder shit that the fandom latches onto, but also his whole story arc of breaking free of his family and figuring out how to live for himself and of course also him pursuing Gon (romantically?) is really endearing.

I think most people actually take his story a lot less seriously than they would otherwise because he's 11-13 years old throughout the course of the anime but if we were to imagine that he was, say, three to five years older I think a lot of his actions make a lot more sense as a more traditional "coming-of-age" plot. "Boy sets off on his own and comes to terms with and overcomes the negative weight he carried from his childhood" is a fairly standard plot for such a story, and I think it makes sense to view it that way.

I think part of the reason this isn't as well-appreciated is due to his backstory making him much more precocious and so he has to mature earlier than a normal teenager due to the circumstance he has to deal with, but he's really is the only character who's show as "maturing" at all in the course of the series? Gon is kinda just powerscaling the whole time and by the end he's back where he started since he can't even use nen anymore, Kurapika mostly has new ways to kill people (and the later manga shows he hasn't developed any new sense of self-preservation...) and Leorio is... Leorio. But Killua, who seemed the most mature and independent to begin with, was in reality dependent on and literally being mind-controlled by his family to the point where he forgot that his sister existed! And he only overcomes that family trauma not by embracing freedom and running away, but by realizing that he has someone outside that life that he wants to protect, i.e. Gon.

Excluding Yorknew and the (manga) Black Whale arc which focus on Kurapika's point of view, I think you can make the case that of any of the main four, Killua is also the one whose "perspective" we're seeing the the narrative from. We don't get a lot of insight comparatively into Gon's internal experience despite him nominally being the "more" main character, which could be because he really doesn't think things through and rushes into danger without thinking, or it could be that that's Killua's view of what Gon is like, which is much larger-than-life than the actual Gon, it's much more reminiscent of how someone sees a crush than how an actual person is.

Also I can't write this much on Killua while avoiding having a take on "Killugon" so: my interpretation of how it's presented in the series is that it's basically unrequited; Killua and Gon are both the same age physically but Killua is shown to be much more mature mentally (he even jokes about watching porn in the Heaven's Arena arc!) so I think he has romantic feelings towards Gon that Gon doesn't and wouldn't necessarily reject, but simply isn't mature enough yet to reciprocate. I've been gay and twelve, can relate. And I think much like the more overt arc of Killua breaking free of his family and pulling Illumi's Needle out of his head (subtext is for cowards) so that he can protect Gon, I think the thrust of the Election arc is Killua realizing that, in order to live for himself, he further needs to be free of his obsession with Gon, who he can't ultimately protect without preventing Gon from living for himself. Which overall I find to be a very compelling and satisfying character arc.

[brittababbles]

House of the Dragon S2e1: blow by blow reaction on second watch

Spoilers beyond this point

1. I love the tapestry opening. Very reminiscent of GoT’s maps.

1a. Matt Smith gets top billing, huh? Interesting choice.

2. Ah Winterfell, and the Wall. And a nice thick northern accent doing voiceover. Is it weird that I can smell Winterfell? I’ve missed this place.

3. :( sweet Jace seems to be having a nice time in the North. Enjoy while you can, sweet boy. Though he’s got to be freezing at the Wall.

4. What does it keep out? Don’t worry about it, Jace. It doesn’t matter right now. That’s a different series entirely.

5. Jace looks hauntingly like Jon Snow when he’s standing on the wall and I Don’t Like It

6. Rhaenys not taking Daemon’s shit makes my soul less unhappy. She’s all “hey daemon remember how you let my daughter die? This is like that.”

7. In fairness, Daemon isn’t wrong.

8. “Would that you were the king” gods be good, Rhaenys. We’d all be dead

9. I have nothing to add about Rhaenyra in the Stormlands. The entirety of it is just beautiful and sorrowful.

9. Why are we still talking about the Stepstones? That was soooo last season, Corlys.

10. Who is this burly handsome fellow chatting with Corlys? He’s delightful. Dragging bodies out of the sea! Wowweee 😍

11. Dude if you can see her from that far out, that dragon is Vhagar. Chill.

12. Aegon seems to at least like his children. And Helaena, at least on some level.

13. “The rats” oh my sweet girl.

14. So. How long have you and Cole been doing this, Alicient? More than once? Is he your whore, perhaps?

15. But also why do you have to stop? You’re a widow. You can do what you want.

16. CHEESE?!

16a. And Cheese’s dog, whom I adore.

17. Aegon is… so bad at this being king thing. Just so bad at it and it’s weirdly endearing. Also little Jaehaerys? So sweet. Poor thing.

18. I love how nobody likes Tyland Lannister. I don’t like Tyland Lannister.

19. Aemond!

19a. Does Aemond straighten his hair or is it just like that?

20. I forgot about Otto Hightower. And Larys Strong. I am happier having forgotten them and shall continue to do so.

21. Larys knows you been fucking the lord commander, Alicent. And he’s spying on you. And he’s still the creepiest guy in a series that casually accepts incest as the norm.

22. Syrax is my second, maybe third favorite of the dragons and I have missed her.

23. Rhaenyra my Queen. My gods this was tragic. Daemon is right: she shouldn’t have done this alone. I’m glad at least Syrax is with her

24. “Aegon the Magnanimous” wh wh what 😂

25. You’re so bad at this Aegon. But I guess at least you’re earnest about it. Aegon the Frat Boy is too on point, I suppose.

26. You know, I don’t like Otto, but honestly. Bless his heart for herding his grandson through King-hood is painful to watch.

27. In retrospect, the odd shots of the castle make sense. This whole episode foreshadows the end of it with these weird, creeping shots of the Red Keep, particularly in the halls and through the railways.

28. I see that nobody in Aemond’s family understands him at all. Except maybe Daemon.

29. Oh that’s not someone knocking on the door. That’s the drums of the soundtrack. Heh.

30. Baby goats!

31. Mysyria is… not my favorite. But she does have a thorough understanding of Daemon that Rhaenyra seems to sometimes lack.

32. Whoa. Damn, Daemon. Easy now. Don’t break the table.

33. Syrax is back! Hi Syrax!

34. Aw, that Targaryen forehead touch.

35. “I want Aemond Targaryen” I feel like that’s a common feeling toward him, for better or worse, Rhaenyra. Just based on fanfic results alone.

36. Daemon I know where this plan ends and I don’t like it.

37. Jace! Mama Rhaenyra! Oh Jace is trying so hard to be brave for his Queen.

38. I’ve seen a lot of people raving against this sequence in the Sept but I really liked it. Alicent did not mean for Luke to die and I do think she still cares for Rhaenyra. Her childhood friend lost a son, and to pray for peace for a dead child is not something that should be shamed. Also on a cinematography level, the candlelight vs the pyre flames was gorgeous.

39. Little Joffrey is breaking my heart.

40. I spent a solid ten seconds trying to work out why Aemond was screwing around in Blackwater Bay because I assumed he had taken over the Cloak of Crime. But no! It’s Daemon! Again!

41. Ehhhh Blood and Cheese and I just don’t like it. Cheese is just gross.

42. Interesting departure. Daemon orders Aemond’s death.

43. Speaking of whom. Aemond is… odd. He isn’t wrong, but he overestimates himself. But then he’s not entirely wrong. His mother’s fondness for Rhaenyra could be seen as a weakness. Though he certainly is playing his own hand here.

44. Ah the “cunning spider” line from Cole that is just a hilarious projection.

45. Does Aemond not have to get up when Otto walks in the room?

46. No Otto. Vhagar is the greatest single power in the realm. Aemond is but a fly on her back.

47. Cheese’s dog looks so much like my dog and I am so upset about it.

48. So… y’all are just going to waltz across the throne room and nobody will notice? That’s… fine?

49. Loyal as a hound, eh?

50. I hold with Aegon the Frat Boy as his title.

51 Uh, you go up the stairs to get upstairs, Blood. That’s how upstairs usually works.

52. DON’T KICK THE DOG!!! 😫😫😫

53. So… Daemon told them that if they can’t find Aemond they should just… improvise? Any male’s head will do? That’s not what Rhaenyra said at all.

54. Why are they just wandering around the castle unchecked? This just doesn’t make sense

55. I really wanted to see a bit more from Helaena here. Some pleading, some begging, some bargaining, maybe. I know she’s probably shutting down emotionally, and Phia’s face shows terror - and guilt - very well. But this whole scene is just so odd. But, I do think there is something genuine about this performance

56. “They killed the boy” she’s in shock. This part didn’t feel at all out of place for the Helaena we’ve seen on screen.

57. And that’s it. What a strange episode.

[alleyskywalker]

THROBB FORTNIGHT Fic Recs: Days 1-5

Day 1: Canon Divergence

unkingly by nonexistentwench / @team-mom-wannabe (T, 1.8k)

This is a wonderful No Defection/”Betrayal” AU where Theon never went to Pyke in the first place. There are several things that I especially love about this fic:

1) Often in these types of AUs, it’s taken for granted that a Theon who’s chosen to stay with Robb (or never had the chance to choose) will be happy with that decision and that without actively divided loyalties, all the other issues will just…go away somehow. This fic, in this a very well-drawn couple of scenes, examines and acknowledges how that’s unlikely, how Robb and Theon, despite loving each other, have a lot of situational issues between them as well as interpersonal problems with communication and empathy, and things aren’t likely to just go away.

2) That said, the love and trust between them is so very genuine, and even when they argue and hide from each other, they cannot help but be tender with each other.

3) Excellent and satisfying characterizations of both! Robb is young and vulnerable in some ways, and needs Theon’s support, but also stubborn and overprivileged and not entirely able to open up either. Theon, for his part, is loyal and supportive but struggling with a lot of the same issue as in canon and though they seem to have resolved the question of his hostage status somewhat, the trauma still gets him, and his reaction to Karstark’s execution – which is the inciting moment here – is poignant and realistic.

Day 2: Modern AU

Subterranean Homesick Blues by Fluorescentgrey (M, 4.9k)

A beautifully atmospheric and achingly bittersweet fic. The setting is…I’m not sure but I want to say 80--90s maybe? The families and weed drug lords in Northern California, so there is a lot of mention of drug use, as a warning to anyone who’s not into that. But really, the fic isn’t about being drug lords at all. It’s about Theon’s past youth and lost love for/with Robb, on which he reminisces in vivid, idealized, and yet somehow suppressed flashbacks. They have a very canon-esque relationship in this, where it’s unclear if in between their friendship and partying and snuggling on illegal train rides their was more to their relationship, whether Robb reciprocated or it’s mostly in Theon’s head. The present time is a modern AU translation/version of Theon and Jeyne trying to make their way up to Seattle to Jon after they’ve escaped Ramsay. Their relationship/friendship is also well done. I just very much enjoyed both the style this was written in and how very canon-like this kind of feels, despite being a modern AU.

Day 3: Childhood/Pre-Canon/Friendship and brotherhood

both are windy by nonexistentwench / @team-mom-wannabe (G, 1.4k)

This is just a super adorable childhood fic about Theon dealing with lowkey learning/realizing that life is slowly moving on without him back home and Robb dealing with wanting to be Theon’s brother but knowing he’s not really and that Theon has actual sibling he might want to bonding with. And, of course, both of them learning to navigate each other and their friendship. Angsty and cute at the same time. Robb’s POV especially is fantastic –  I love the bit of petulance mixed with naivete where he’s got this genuine but very childish understanding of what Theon should be acting like if he had really been “stolen” as he claims, but he does have kind of an instinctive understanding of the truth at the same time because he’s so uncomfortable about the whole thing (yet doesn’t want to acknowledge it).

Day 4: Trust and loyalty

to bandage your wounds with the salt on my tongue by janie_tangerine (T, 1.6k)

Perhaps only vaguely fitting this prompt/theme, but it IS a No Defection AU where Theon comes back to Robb after things go to shit on Pyke. But really, what I love about it most is that it’s an incredibly tender hurt/comfort fic (because Theon comes back sick, for hand-wavy reasons). Soooo much cuddling and tenderness and it’s incredibly iddy. I’m more meh about this aspect, but I know a lot of people enjoy Theon having some self-doubts and self-esteem issues in these sorts of situations, which is a pretty central emotional note in this fic, and Robb is in fact very reassuring in response.

Day 5: Secret Relationship

After All This Time by saltywench / @salty-wench (M, 11k)

A fantastic, entertaining, enthralling, tropey in the best way 1940s-1950s Hollywood AU! This fic is basically a short romance novella, staring Theon as a rising movie star and Robb a blossoming young director who’s family is very “from the industry.” The secret relationship comes from the fact that, well, it’s the 1950s so homophobia very much exists, and especially in such a public-facing industry. But it’s handled with such a light touch that it’s not overwhelming at all and serves the conflict in a meaningful way. It’s a story filled with this sense of romance and longing and hope and nostalgia in the end that is somehow especially heart wrenching, but in a good way – and I think for that it’s the kind of fic that’s difficult to comment and write a rec for.

The characterization, plot, pacing, emotional and sexual tension, and the supporting cast (Patrek, Kyra, Margaery!) were all incredibly on point. (And of course the happy ending!) I have to say, I loved some reversals and trope subversions here especially, such as Theon being an outsider to the Hollywood scene, but not working class like in so many modern AUs. His family is also fancy in its own way, just not the kind that would help him here. And Robb must apologize at one point or another for being an oblivious prick – always a nice dynamic reversal!

[dichromaticdyke]

🗣 - Your brain YOUR BRAIN! I just read your angst response and it's so fucking GOOD! I love angst (but I love a happy ending more) but oh..my god. Toki seeing Skwisgaar as his angel in the beginning is like one of my ultimate pre-klok ideas, especially with the all white ensemble. But I think you put it into words better, like the idea of Toki losing feelings and being bitter and the angel analogy and how Skwisgaar found out too late but is still deep in his feelings, and how they were literally made for each other. Like, despite it all, they still made it together. And they can grow GOD FUXK I LOVED HOW YOU PUT IT INTO WORDS IT WAS SO GOOD!!!

HEHE TYYYY. i think about them a lot it’s a problem 😭

they make each other worse but also better. like, skwisgaar does genuinely want to make toki better—WE SEE THAT IN AOTD WHEN HE GIVES HIM THE TUNER. he was always harsh though just because he knows toki had raw talent and is scared of toki becoming better than him. but he WANTS him to be good, despite all the tormenting and bad teaching.

and toki just wants skwisgaar to express his affection towards him in the way toki understands it. like the problem is they have very different love languages. toki’s more openly affectionate (relatively speaking anyway—he does still punch people to get their attention 😭), and skwisgaar is touch averse and sarcastic. i think toki just doesn’t realize there are many different ways of showing love. that goes into his childhood trauma, i think. going more into my speculations on toki’s childhood under the cut, so TW for child abuse and religious trauma:

you know, he definitely was probably told by his parents that they were doing what they were doing because they loved him. but he’s an evil sinner who needs to be punished for his actions or else god will hate him and send him to hell. shit like that. and toki internalized that that was what love was.

it took a while from being with dethklok to learn that, no, people who love you don’t throw you in punishment holes just for making a mistake, they don’t beat you for existing, they don’t manipulate your feelings by using religion against you. he still definitely has a warped perception of love, but it got better.

i don’t think skwisgaar is abusive let’s get that the fuck out of the way right now. he’s not, he’s just a sarcastic prick who lets his own insecurities get the better of him, but he does also genuinely care about toki and all his other bandmates. but i can see toki seeing skwisgaar’s attitude of helping toki get better at guitar by ridiculing him and dumping that bucket on him as reminiscent of what his parents did. nowhere near as close of course, but it reminds him of them, and that’s what makes him think skwisgaar doesn’t like him. that’s what made him write his book.

skwisgaar doesn’t realize how much he’s hurting toki until bookklok. that’s what puts it all into perspective—after that episode, skwisgaar is much easier on toki (though they also don’t talk much in general until AOTD… 😭). i’m cooking a bookklok and dethlessons analysis from the pov of how those two episodes encapsulate their dynamic. give it tiiiiime but it’s cooking.

god i just. i’m frazzled i can’t think i just. *smashes those two together then throws them at the wall*

[keo-k]

sometimes i think i wasnt an injury-prone child and then i realise im gaslighting myself

tw: fair descriptions of injury?? if you dont like blood uhh dont read <3 this is just me reminiscing on being a child who thinks they cannot feel. pain. sorry if its incoherent im very sick and life feels like a fever dream and i did not sleep last night! this is so diary-entry-core TLDR i had a lot of random injuries and a few medical mysteries.

i keep looking at the middle of my chest like "man where the fuck did i get this scar from" and then i remember this one childhood day where i was filled with hubris and slid down a chain in a playground and my skin tore from under my shirt and i started bleeding terribly ill also occasionally look at the permanent callouses on my hands and remember running down a hill at full speed, followed by rolling down a hill at full speed, crashing into rocky concrete, looking down at my hands and being utterly terrified because they're entirely covered in blood???? its all red??????? also spinning on the biggest rock in the rock garden in front of my house after a friend's birthday party blowing bubbles when i lose my footing and land chin-first into the sharpest rock there, getting blood all over my favourite party dress and having to go to the ER for 6 hours and getting, not stitches, but glue. yeowie. i scratched most of the scar off somehow, just tearing the skin off my face because i didnt like the texture. its still kind of there if you look at the right angle. being in gymnastics class, doing beat swings on the high bars, thinking "whey my hands hurt im gonna drop and get some chalk (for some reason. its not like i was slipping i was just yeowch)", dropping down, looking at my hands and LO AND BEHOLD three inches of the skin beneath my ring finger on both hands is sticking up stupid vertical ! i couldnt use my hands too good for the next two weeks, also the skin sticking up WAS NOT DEAD so i couldnt trim it without feeling excruciating pain. like cutting your ear off :( not really a "when i was younger" thing, still valid now, but i have hyper mobility so im stupid flexible. especially in my ankles! like i cant do sports without wearing ankle braces on both legs. even that cannot save me sometimes, i still die. anyway my mum thought i was a piece of shit and was faking my ankle injuries bc the limping would last like. a whole month wowie! then we realised i just have bad joint. also i can hit the splits anywhere without stretching, i can walk on the literal sides of my ankles (not like. the sides of my feet no no no. go even further beyond.), i can fold my fingers backwards into silly lookin curls without any pain and keep them there no issue, and i have gotten many MANY greenstick fractures even after my bones developed a lot because my bones soft and refuse to break like a normal persons. like my basketball coach will bend my leg back to test how far it goes and i wont feel any pain and he'll say like. "oh thats waaaay too far back to be safe." and ill laugh because it can go WAY further back! and i hate it !

BONUS: ME BEING A MEDICAL MYSTERY WOOOOO up to age 8 i would have these ... seizures? all throughout the night. i would shake super aggressively and it wouldnt wake me up. my mum filmed it one night when she finally caught it on video (she would stay up HOURS ON END trying to catch it. wild). the shaking would start like a twitching at my fingers and would travel to my hand, to my arm, to the rest of my body and youd think i got fucking electrocuted. anyway she showed it to doctors and they brought me in immediately to scan my brain for fuck knows what and they didnt. find anything? like my brain activity was completely normal. they didnt let me out of hopital for a week cus theyre like "THIS ISNT NORMAL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS KID" but. womp womp. we never found out. i dont shake anymore but i do shmove a lot. like, a lot a lot. and im always tired and im capable of falling asleep standing up. and have minor chronic fatigue. also i had a bullseye-type thingy on my thigh that really, REALLY looked like a tick bite! i was in immense amounts of pain and couldnt properly walk. there was a dot in the middle, and this surrounding ring of red would expand and shrink overtime. very reasonable to think of it as a tick bite. anyway my parents carried me out to the car in the middle of the night so we could go to sick kids. they measured how much the ring would expand by (i dont remeber number. it was beeg.) and then they sent me to the ER out of the concern that i would get lyme disease. they tested me or something idk i was unconcious and. IT WASNT A TICK BITE! you may be asking "so what was it, mr gorgeous fish?" um. well heres why this is in the 'medical mystery' section. they never found out. it went away a day later and we were just like "ah. okay." so. whoops. when i was a toddler they put me in an mri thing where they uh. strapped me down because toddlers usually freak out and damage the mri thingy? anyway. was in there for two hours. and i did not freak out. at all. i was asleep for one of the hours, but the second one i just laid there very awake and very still and the doctors thought i had brain. damage. i didnt! yay ! i also have many chronic illness now. weeeee i probably missed a lot of my stories here but anyway. heres me being silly

[huntinglove]

Hoi! ^^

9. Flowers — What's something quirky or fun about your f/o that you enjoy sharing or a lot of people don't know?

13. Mushrooms — What's something funny or chaotic you and your f/o have done together?

15. Soil — What aesthetic reminds you of your f/o or you and your f/os bond?

For any of the mains you're currently focusing on?

-@redwingedwolves

Hi hi!! Thank you so much for the ask!! I'll answer these for Charlie, Shaun and Yoonbum!!

9. Flowers — What's something quirky or fun about your F/O that you enjoy sharing or a lot of people don't know?

Charlie likes ferrets! Die to their possessive and social behavior, I can absolutely see them being the perfect pets for him, which is an adorable image to think about!

Shaun has one of my favorite tropes when it comes to selfshipping: friends to lovers! He's also a famous movie director which makes it even better, because imagining him taking inspiration from our relationship to create the romance aspects of his films is so much cuter!

Yoonbum is hinted at having BPD in Killing Stalking itself!! That was one of the things that made me attached to him in the first place, back then, seeing him being so devoted and obsessed with someone because he loved them made me feel seen...

13. Mushrooms — What's something funny or chaotic you and your F/O have done together?

Charlie loves wearing my shirts and I love wearing his sweaters, so it's become a bit of a habit to lovingly tease each other when we have one another's clothes on. Nothing mean, just complimenting ourselves and acting silly!

Shaun loves Halloween and whenever we decide to give out candy he puts on a costume and sits outside, pretending to be a piece of decoration, then scares the shit out of people who try to take too much candy from his basket. I indulge by every so often re-filling the basket with candy and adjusting him so people around will think he's a dummy or doll

Yoonbum himself is chaotic most of the time, especially because of how nervous he always is, which is completely fair, considering his ex... One time he practically froze from how hard he was blushing when he realized that I could pick him up very easily. It was really cute and funny to see his reaction

15. Soil — What aesthetic reminds you of your F/O or you and your F/Os bond?

Charlie and I have a relationship that feels like falling in love for the first time. Gentle touches, pinky fingers dangling together while walking through the park, scribbly love notes slid into backpacks. Sharing an umbrella on a rainy day and giving each other flowers and treats every other day.

Shaun and I have a relationship that feels like nostalgia. Going to the creek together, dressing up for Halloween, making each other little flower crowns. Rewatching old movies and screaming out our favorite lines, moving our childhood plushies around the house so they'll always be on an adventure when we're not home.

Yoonbum and I have a relationship that feels like self love. Learning to embrace our flaws and admire our progress while reminiscing about everything that we've survived. Being thankful to have found someone who understands how our minds and feelings work and bringing out the best in one another.

[yslitera]

— Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been with Me

★★★☆☆

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

[TW: MENTIONS OF SU*CIDE]

in if he had been with me, we follow the perspective of autumn throughout her four high school years until the summer before college. while going through the ups and downs of highschool with her group of misfit friends, she reminisces about her childhood best friend, finny, who she grew apart with after middle school. 

reading if he had been with me will make you feel like a boat in an ever-moving body of water for the most part; but a big boulder will eventually emerge seemingly out of nowhere, that boulder will stop you in your tracks and possibly, most definitely, sink you. 

to start: despite the simple writing, the sentences flow together nicely, thus the “ever-moving body of water.” the dialogue did become tedious as the pages flip since it almost always ended with “she says” or “he says,” but that’s just a minor nitpick and is, i guess, to be expected from a YA novel.  autumn’s narrative is mundane and becomes repetitive at times (as in she continually repeats how her love for finny is so much more than her love for jamie—her current boyfriend at the time—, and how she will definitely marry jamie and have his babies after school). 

speaking of jamie, what is with him and his need to marry autumn only to cheat on her with her best friend?? i found it so weird that all he ever wants from autumn is to marry and have a family with her, even though they’re in highschool. he literally wrote “all i want from life is to marry you and have our family” in her yearbook. i would be pretty freaked if a guy wrote this in my yearbook, boyfriend or not. 

additionally, the book’s depiction of teen pregnancy also bothered me a bit. yes, this isn’t a book about teen pregnancy and nowlin isn’t obliged to write intricately about it, but the way it was portrayed put me off. a lot. it was entirely unnecessary for anybody to be getting pregnant in the first place; it was just material for autumn to get butterflies looking at finny hold a child. thereby preventing her from recommitting suicide because she found out she was pregnant with finny’s child after his death and the image of him holding a child made her shit out butterflies. it was genuinely disappointing that the only thing stopping autumn from committing again was because of finny’s child. autumn is so much more than her love for finny but it feels as though her whole existence is centred around him. understandable, but really two-dimensional. 

(p.s., the way both autumn and angie have unprotected sex once and just get pregnant is completely unrealistic and kind of funny to me. the males in this book must have some insanely strong sperms, or the females are just extremely fertile. also, i thought angie didn’t want to be pregnant and was semi-worried after her friends pointed out she might be, but when she did get pregnant it just…was?? also guinevere?? big yikes.) 

near the end of the book, jamie breaks up with autumn after four years of dating as he found out that him and sasha, one of autumn’s closest friends, had feelings for each other. autumn was obviously, and rightfully, unhappy about it. her grieving over the breakup allowed for the reconnection between her and finny, which was such good potential for character development. but oh man. autumn and finny ended up doing the exact same thing they hated jamie for: cheating. 

during the period of reconnection between them during the summer before college, finny mentions that he is still in a relationship with sylvie but plans to break up with her after she comes back from her europe trip. good for him and all for not breaking up over the phone, but then him and autumn goes on and have sex before the breakup?? they just did exactly what they hated jamie and sasha for doing. it was specifically this that made me think there was quite frankly no character development at all, in any of them. 

now for the “big boulder”—the ending. it came off as very very rushed. the author made zero effort into investigating the effects of finny’s death on autumn outside the grief. so, what is the most natural thing for a heartbroken girl to do? commit suicide of course. oh, she survived but still plans on doing it again and again until she succeeds? let’s get her pregnant. the last chapter made no sense to me at all and felt like a very abrupt end to the book. we barely get to see finny and autumn’s relationship as young adults as he dies right after they finally finally finally confess their love to one another. 

(p.p.s., much of this book is autumn and jamie physically rather than autumn and finny. although autumn’s internal monologue is full of pining for finny. it would be great if we either, a, saw more finny and autumn so finny’s death actually feels significant, or b, we saw more of autumn’s growth after his death to make up for the lack of character development in their sylvie breakup sex era.) 

all in all, meh book. 2.5 stars, the nostalgia (this book is akin to a lot of YA tragic romances that i’ve read when i was ten to twelve years old) allows for a rounding up to 3 stars. def recommend it if you are looking for something easy to read in one or two days, aren't expecting a groundbreaking hooha tear jerking book, and want a miscommunication trope romance!! :) 

love, ys

[Text ID: If he had been with me, Finny would still be alive. If he had been with me, everything would have been different. But whose fault was it that he wasn’t?]

[mariki33]

PART 3

Nordmark pod translation Swe-Eng

I've left out Per Nordmarks moments of reminiscence.

I usually excuse my English but this time I'll have to excuse Tobias Swedish. In parts it's been kind of hard to make sense of what he actually wants to say. Let alone translate. I've done the best i can but it can't be better then he spoke😅

Enjoy! Fellow Ghostie's 👻🖤

N: Can you enjoy it (success) or do you feel like, Shit! I've hit the ceiling?

T: Ah,ee.. Yes all of it. I can feel all those feelings aem… I believe it is a pretty common thing amongst performing people no matter if playing bass or have a running career or what ever. I believe there is a sense in people in aesthetic occupations that they in a way cultivated,, -a will to get somewhere, and comes from a certain feeling of being "mal place" early on. So i think you get stuck on a notion that things are the same, why haven't i changed more. Why do i feel the same way inside as then. Eem.. And, well, it's really hard sometimes to pin point why you once set a goal that felt clear as day, and then you've sort of passed that point,, you haven't really noticed it. It's not that you're unhappy or discontent.. -How is it that i set a NEW goal?

All the time like a carrot, literally like a carrot in front of the donkeys mouth. It moves all the time in relation to where you're at, forward. But.. i think people i know are like that. So, most people i know or have some kind of exchange with, talks to or read about, or interviews about people, or heard someone speak -I believe it's pretty common eem..ee.. human instinct that many people have and don't really have a big aesthetic career.. But it can be like you redecorate at home and do that over and over and buying new stuff and throwing away … I don't believe it necessearaly have to be something negative, but, a,a a, an error we make as humans, foremost in the western world Eeem, or where e,e,, what's it called.. as a linear faith. Even if not religious, we have a linear view of time. You start and finish. In opposite to the circular were you just,, circulate, So the idea we have of that if you do this and that you will reach a new state were all problems are solved, or it's catch 22 -No! Status quo/Nirvana. And ee, i try to work against that, -even if i do that. If i do this and then do that it will.. or this thing or like that. -When i finished this record,, -God, how i'm going to feel good then. Oh, god i'm gonna suck on that candy because its so big and salty and sweet, he he..

T: Well to be dull speaking it's probably something you learn with age. Like, when you're young you actually don't have much perspective,, and being immature, that really fucks things up..And hormones and a whole lot of other stuff that coincide so even if your're being focused, Aee,ee Like simply expressed,if you want to move your hometown, other places seem more fun,, it's over there life is happening. I mean how many people in Sweden only isn't there that have moved from the small town to Stockholm, Göteborg or Malmö.. And it occurs to you -Even here you have to and take a shit. Damn, shit! That life is actually the same wherever. I know people who live in grand homes on the other side of the world that also have leaking roofs and mold damage. They also got bills to pay and sometimes you run out of money..

N: How much of Ghost mirrors your perspective of life? What's your view of life?

T: It's becoming harder and harder to isolate what's me and what's Ghost. If not speaking of a character you can step in and out of and the character that i do on stage as a third person perspective. Aeem,, Ghost is very much my thoughts, wonders and feelings expressed. Filtered. In some kind of way, nowadays, A cmprehensible eem,, expression. That,, Where most of the wonders i have,, like the first album was more abstract, if you like, compared to the latter a bit more "realistic" Like you know? In comments. Also a huge part of me and my childhood and background foremost. Like, from the extreme metal. Many people that have gotten to know Ghost lately.. The first 1000 people who got to know Ghost was into extreme underground metal. Like i was. And the expression is pretty un-original. It was just a new presentation that might have felt original. Like everyone had their own "pasta restaurant" and it was a new "pasta dish" . That only was a "new fusion". Whilst those who come from a totally different "cousine" and a completely different music style. Like the "hipster world who aren't brought up with metal and only read about black metal in the twenties. They can be like Oh ! What an original concept.. Pop music with satanist lyrics.. And that is basically a rewrite.. Eee, ah,, I only wrote what is closest and purest to me in expression. To me it's emm, well that aesthetics,,I don't know how to.. Because that's the only way i've expressed feelings during my adolescence. I was out messing about for a while, which was interesting. It wasn't remotely close to what happened after, That is that i produced one album in some kind of vacuum and had no idea if there was an audience for it. It was when we were about to do the second album and started to write, and mostly from the third and onwards,, That partly you can write, if not only, write like fictive texts, that's about occultism or that type of descriptions of things. It will become runout pretty quick. Many bands have done that. It easily becomes tedious. Aeem,, Then there are a lot that can be described about real things and stuff and how it relates with words that alludes to that "world". And therefore it has more and more become all my thoughts and values passed through Ghost in some way. Then maybe there is an even more primitive part of me Eee,,That probably eee,, maybe would like to write more, same or more like aggressive stuff. That is closer to the way i wrote when i was seventeen. Ehm,, But that wouldn't fit the narrative(Ghost). It will be some kind of Death metal at some point. Because if so you just have to be able to "drop the gloves and just box". It's more of an ugly language, more like unfiltered, like that. Not to say Ghost is filtered, but still presental. It's like being a film creator and one part is drama with a story from start to end and with a neat budget. And then step down to do a splatter movie. To get rid of the "mess". But I'm lucky, i've,, Ghost is very close to where i stand. It's horror, it's metal….elements.. it's rock, it's pop rock. It's everything from Kiss to Venom. ABBA, all that stuff i like. And we do covers of stuff that i also like. It becomes some kind of potpurri of my inner self. Not in all my parts. I don't get everything out of it. But mostly. So it's hard sometimes to completely separate myself from it.

N: What's happening next for Ghost?

T: Right now, as we speak, we're about a month away from going on tour. So we've had a break now for a while. Emm,,like since september. And now It's may. And since september we haven't been touring. And therefore starting up again. And the band is actually coming here to Stockholm. Band and crew. And we'll be rehearsing and stay here a couple of weeks. And then go on EU tour in the middle of May to the beginning of July.

N: Are you playing in Stockholm?

T: No, we only do Sweden Rock, sadly.

N: Are you playing Copenhagen?

T: We're playing at Copenhell there, so,,

T: So it's like a classic festival tour were to simply, Get an offer from a festival and that offer means you musn't play anywhere else close by. So you can't "free style". But those countries were we do gigs, like in France we do like eight, no wait,,,seven or eight gigs. And in Germany we also do four to five gigs. And that's why we don't play at Hellfest and that's why we don't do Rock am ring. And that stuff we should have done, or were supposed to do,, But we felt we wanted to put together a tour that starts and ends without everyone being forced to go home, and here, and there.. It becomes trouble. But we've put together a five to six weeks tour between May and July. And then there's a break. After that USA July/August. And then the tour goes on, just continues,, forever,, No, ha ha No it isn't bad, i think it's a blast!

It will be pretty different from the EU tour were we do festival/headline, festival/headline, headline/festival.. Very outspread with all of Europes tastes. USA is a consecutive/shed tour.

T: Precisely, and then they have like opposite to "folk parks" here, they have "sheds". Amphi theatres, with or without roofs, out on the country side. And the whole tour are places like that. So it's nice and extremely hot. Especially in August -September. And then, when there are storms in September, then it can be pretty "hairy" to be outdoors. But after that we go direct to Mexico, down to Braszil, Argentina, Chile.. And then we go to Australia.

N: I will go to a gig to see you somewhere in the world.

T: Yes, do that

N: Thanks for being my guest, Wonderful.

T: Thanks a lot for having me. Of course you gotta come to a gig.

The end.

[k1ll3r-k4rg0]

All the Angels Say You Are All to Blame Intro Post

hmmmm maybe i should track book progress on here! i feel really bad and discouraged to write it but maybe if i had some peeps interested in seeing what i write i'd feel better!

warning!!! dead dove do not eat story!! please read these warnings before getting invested in this! this story will be a very mature rating, 18+ Only. this post will Not deal with any of the following but the subject matter and the story itself will.

dead dove do not eat, noncon, dubcon, fictional serial killing, violence, murder, death, child abuse, suicide mention, school violence mentions, child sexual abuse, animal death, animal violence, gun violence. if you are uncomfortable with ANY of these things, do not interact with these posts! This will all be written in an exploratory non romanticized light.

the tag i will be using will be #all the angels say you are all to blame. i may post writing samples, and i may discuss plot/character shit. though i may not even touch on some of the above warnings, i want to put these warnings upfront so you know what type of story this is.

it'll be about vini and quinn, these two childhood best friends who grew up living through a lot of shit but who were inseparable. one of them (quinn) is a child of death, the other (vini) his guardian angel who gave up his immortality to protect and be with him. after a long separation, they reunite when the angel quits his job by assassinating his manager. the son of death joins him in their first spree kill together, after which they travel across the country, bonding, reminiscing on their childhood, and trying to figure out their rocky relationship. they both love each other so much they don't even fucking realize it coz they're both too damn homophobic, even though they'll both die if they're separated again.

it'll be very catholic guilt, aromantic bonding, gay as fuck, and ! sus as shit! it's gonna' be a crime thriller drama, filled with longing and yearning and stupid guys and a heavy amount too little too late. a deep exploration of how childhood fucks you up, how god fucks you up, how the world fucks you up, how sometimes the only thing you have to keep going is your other half, even if you think you don't deserve him. very mcr vibes, very tarantino / cohen brothers, very desert, roadtrip, car chases, y2k, guns, serial killing, and yearning and gay stupidity. watch the hardest most violent spree killers be both really nasty to each other but also only soften completely around each other as they fuck the police up and go on living their very gay violent lives.

give follow if you're interested! i'm gonna' try n keep track/update on here

credit: image on the left is by @kittyteefies (vini is his character) and image on the right is my own

[findingcrowncity]

Yo if anyone’s out there, it’s been a while, and a lot has changed. Life can really bring you from here to there and back and make you wonder how the hell we even got here. It’s always times like this do i ever come back to “dying” media and air out my mind because I feel like another shift is in the air. I was just reminiscing with my best friend, Ngia, that too bad Myspace was gone and took a lot of our childhood out with it. There were years of art and “life” on that site, just as much as on this site. It’s crazy years ago thinking that was the beginnings of an internet media and we were there for it at the time. Also crazy thinking of all the times spent on AIM has come and gone. And if all that has came up and left, what else will to? What else stays behind? What should we intentionally bookmark to make sure we leave something behind? ----And when it’s all said and done, does it even exist? The internet exists in binary code yet we hold so much weight in our world. It’s truly crazy to wrap my mind around it because we still very much have experiences in this world that doesn’t really exist. So what about the world that does exist? How are our lives right now huh? There are moments in the barbershop where folks just dive into their phones because they’re tuned into that world. Into some digital screen ya know? I’m not baggin on it right now.. But I’m saying it’s truly manifested its presence in our world, you wouldn’t be reading this right now if you weren’t tuned in. This internet world has manifested itself so deeply into our societies that we’re hyper conscious about it. Over stimulated with so much media from all over the world at such a fast pace. Everything really can exist everywhere all at the same time. I’m speaking for myself right here, but I’ve enjoyed my many detours away and trying to grasp on to whatever I have left, here in the real world. After close to a decade away from making any serious art, I ended up taking a life changing shroom trip a year after finishing barber college and unexpectedly got back into art. I also chalked myself up as a has been, and I believed myself to being a barber because I felt like that was the life I chose and I had to let everything else go. Young Rich, there was so much for you to learn. There’s a lifetime’s worth of lessons waiting for you. Coming back into my art forms and finding myself and my identity through it all has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my adult life. But this world of mine, where does it exist? It has always lived in the corner of my old mobile home. It has always lived in my small room where from my corner I’ve always drawn out and painted since I was a kid. It has always lived in this corner of my world, where the music has always played. I’ve went my entire life in this corner and brought it with me to the rest of the world I’ve seen. From constant practice here at my desk for years I’ve always had my art and it was always my outlet. All of a sudden in another world, I have to ask this question right now... IF AN ARTIST PAINTS A MASTERPIECE AND DIDN’T BOTHER TO POST IT, DID IT EXIST? Call me selfish all you want but I would rather horde my art away and keep it to myself than let the other world decide shit for me. I’ve always felt like this world we live in acts like everything has to be commodified and side hustles should be made. This is coming from a hustler, but some things are just more sacred than that and goes deeper than the money. I want to share my art but for my own sake. I want to share my life but my way. I didn’t work on these skills to change the world. I didn’t work on these skills to change yooouurr world. I hate labels and I just want to paint all over them. I felt like sharing my art world with the internet made folks think they knew me or think they knew what I wanted to do with it. It made folks think that I could maybe make something for them, because of course I caaan... but nobody ever asked if I even want to. Talk to someone who actually wants to do that shit. I became even more selfish. I kept things to myself and kept working. It made me feel at home when it’s all mine. Once again, life can bring you from here to there and wonder how the hell we got here... I’m ready to share that world again. This time, more intimately than ever before. I want to create stuff for me, for me soo harrd that if you cared, it would be for you. I don’t want to make any compromises just because of “marketing” or “networking”. I lowkey don’t give a fuck about that. Not being a hater of the world and how this game is played today. I’m just not a promotor of any kind. I’m a creator of all kinds. Let me do my thang, I’ll let the world do its thang and things will pan out the way they do. These past 10 years have been a full cypher around with these experiences and only now do I feel like the Richmond I was always supposed to be is ready to manifest. The Jack of All Trades is ready to Master them All. Shouts out tumblr. Always been the place for me to air this piece out back when I didn’t know shit about how to use my words. I’m thankful for my old lives that got me here. It’s time to bring all these worlds together. Constantly leaving behind old lives and picking up new names. This is the Cutty Flamenko era. It’s time to go out there and build a ship worth seeing the world. SUPER!

[hp-lonesome-actual-art]

Hey hey so uh…this has been collecting dust in the digital photo album for a long while. I made it back in 2020 as a fun little personal project to try and encapsulate the silly story shenanigans within a fictional multi-fandom roleplay thing I did alongside my cousin. Originally it was just for fun and animating the events from the previous year, however I began to work on it as a Christmas gift for her. It was never finished as is VERY obvious given how the beginning is mostly talking without any visuals…I never got around to doing that part lol. Worked on different audio sections spontaneously so most of the actual animating happens somewhere in the middle. However I recall showing snippets of the animation process with my cousin, so she was able to see some of the work regardless of the completion.

I believe I was either 14 or turned 15 at the time of making this (my birthday is very close to the end of the year so it’s hard to gauge). And it was left unfinished when my cousin died early on in 2021 (she was at the age of 16). I don’t expect anyone else to make sense of what I’m talking about, given how it’s very much an inside joke we created between us and never meant to be shared from an outside perspective. However I haven’t had anyone else to reminisce over these events with and it’s saddening knowing this is a chapter of my life which will always be neglected going forward, due to how in depth the narrative was and the difficulty of getting others to understand it. Even the way I recorded this explanation/audio is very janky and not put together concisely despite being a recap. So sort of stuck in a scatterbrained state for the rest of my life lol

The main point of it all is just….absurd crackship fanfiction-esque character interactions and relationship building. But on a personal note, it means a great deal to me. Because unabashedly making up wacky stories was what made my childhood feel so vibrant and what connected me to my cousin for so many years. It encouraged me to follow my passions of storytelling and character building, and to not take life so seriously. Just indulge in what makes you happy and don’t be afraid to share those passions with others. We both shared a strong attachment to My Little Pony growing up as well as other online fandoms, and I’m grateful for the short lived time I spent with her talking about those shared interests

Then of course, there’s this other one I actually posted to my YouTube in 2021 albeit very subtlety to not garner attention. I’ve been purposely obscuring it from online perception because I’m terrified of the judgments others would place on me. I know people aren’t welcoming of seeing a character they recognize being misconstrued into a different world and with a different story then what is canonically accepted. I get that this is more like an original character scenario and not attached to how he (Snatcher) typically is viewed. So please be aware of that. This was a personal project I spent a shit ton of time on through the school year and made it as a way of coping with the loss whilst expressing appreciation for what could have been. Honestly I don’t know how I managed to color so many frames from it. But it’s also a neat time capsule to see how much I’ve improved animating since then, and a lot of the credit goes to the dedication of making this

Another thing to point out is that I had no fucking clue how to color Snatcher and it shows lol. His expressions are a bit hard to see at some points due to not giving him proper lighting to balance the dark color. But hey that’s fine, like I said this was the most ambitious I had ever gotten for a project and I’ve learned a lot from it. But most importantly was that I got it done as a tribute to her life and these characters we loved <3

Although yeah uh….the version I posted on YouTuber prior to this (“Tribute to Quincy”) had some sort of editing issue I was unaware of until the next day. The animation got corrupted and was glitching in footage, and that sent me into an anxiety attack for a couple hours. I was uncontrollably sobbing myself to sleep that night or so, because the building paranoia that my relatives watched the video made me feel overly vulnerable and fearful even more-so then online strangers watching it. So I don’t think I was in a good mental place to have made the animation public back then, even with the various precautions I took. The video glitching was just the final straw. Think I avoided animating a while afterwards too. So uh….just to say that the intended heartfelt meaning behind the animation got distorted from those events and now is a strange mixture of shame and love whenever I watch it again. I think my perfectionism was just eating me alive at the time, and I felt like I’d let my deceased cousin down somehow? Or that people would only have a surface level understanding of the deeper meaning I wanted to portray. Idk I was operating on a lot of faulty logic at the time with my loneliness controlling a lot of my worldview. The only positive is that experience taught me to never force yourself to work hours on end animating on a holiday….because it will make you internally miserable and susceptible to believing falsehoods about yourself and how others perceive you. Also that miserable Christmas was the exact moment I received the epiphany that I’m afraid of judgment. Before that point it was always just an unnamed nagging feeling that I didn’t know how to describe. Anyways point is terrible experience never recommend :P

Hey I’m putting an edit here because it’s occurred to me that there’s this audio I have of my cousins voice discussing the H&Q roleplay story. I’ve kept it close to me for a long while, maybe in the hopes that someday I would animate it like I had for mine. But I think given how my YouTube is around 240+ subs I can’t bring myself to get vulnerable again or release anything more about our roleplay story. Maybe on my secondary channel, but for now I’ve laid it to rest for personal privacy reasons. Anyways this is her voice recording she made in my room when visiting (she’d noticed I was writing down summaries in my sketchbooks and journals about our story and asked if I would let her read it word for word) I gave her the go to use my iPad for it, and I’m grateful I did. Otherwise I’d have no proof that she collaborated with me on these things

Once again, this is all information that was shared only between the two of us. Characters we made up and played around with. It won’t hold much meaning or significance to anyone else, but I still feel the need to share it. Because when else will I ever be allowed to