#but a lot of just *quarantine things* and dialogue :)

[charmac]

i saw you’re updating your 5+1 soon, yes? i’m so excited!!

It is in the works...I've had trouble siting down and putting my mind to anything for awhile but I am determined to lock in for this chapter...which is set during lockdown (haha, see what I did there?)

Well this is what you might call the pitch..or the write up, basically close to final form really:

No, I'm kidding. I do not remember writing the Covid makes you gay thing lol but it will be set in the early months of the Pandemic and kinda filling in the gap from the beginning of the lockdown to before the Election stuff covered in 2020:AYIR. I find that canon dynamic switch insanely interesting, and since this fic is trying to stay close to canon with the addition of *they've been fucking the entire goddamn time* it seems only logical to make those gay wannabe pop star cowboys get drunk on tequila and fuck it out.

I'm glad there are fans of this one out there! It's a lot of fun for me to try and write out their canon dynamic in this way and I've really been jonesing to write my own lockdown fic for awhile now, so as the ideas are bouncing around in my brain I will spew them out onto paper for anyone who's interested in reading

[lisafication]

Digging Graves for your Morals; Or, The Ethical Problem of Outlawry

Hello, yes, I am here again. This one is shorter, I swear (it’s under four thousand words, even). If this is the first post from me you’re seeing, this is a follow-up to my prior essay posted here on the game The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, although it should be able to mostly stand alone.

At the end of my last essay, I touched on both the game’s nearly uncompromising moral scepticism and relativity, but I didn’t really dig into it. I outlined that the game only textually frames actions as ‘morally bad’ in the context of a morality set by the society and the world that has treated them as no better than farm animals raised for the slaughter. Well, I have a lot to say on the topic of ethics on the topic of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, so buckle in, this one’s going to talk about the social contract, moral scepticism and everyone’s favourite topic: Mrs. Graves.

As usual, this was originally posted and formatted for on Sufficient Velocity and you can perhaps more easily read it there. Spoilers abound, and my content warning from last time still applies.

She’s not too hot on either ethics or her mother

The Meat of the Matter

Since a lot of this is optional or otherwise missable information, let’s review the premise the game gives us. If you’re already aware of all of this, I apologise, it won’t take long.

First off the bat, the quarantine at the start of the game was a hoax-driven money-making scheme of which you can pick up more-or-less all the relevant details of. This is entirely missable and by the time it’s possible to discover, our protagonists have better things to dwell on and have dialogue about, so I’ll give you a summary of what you can deduce from reading the notes and thinking about it.

The quarantine is an organ harvesting operation, as per some documents you can discover in the wardens’ office. They entrap the residents, test their blood types and starve to death those they deem surplus to requirements — alternatively the starvation itself could be their method of ‘preparing the harvest’, there’s evidence in both directions and it hardly matters — harvesting the organs of the others for sale. As our protagonists are AB-typed, the ‘universal recipient’ or ‘most selfish blood type’, they’re some of the first on the chopping block.

If you read through the newspapers and the documents in Mr. Washing Machine’s car, you can discover that ultimately ToxiSoda are responsible, and a similar thing is happening in a different city under the guise of a ‘chemical leak’.  Should you further investigate matters, you will find mentions of the ‘man behind it all’, the doctor, or the Surgeon, as the fandom have been referring to him — you may recall Mrs. Graves mentioned someone similar! Yeah, he’s the guy who runs ToxiSoda, who are themselves partners with the water company that faked the parasite outbreak in the first place.

It’s all a life insurance scam, apparently

How much the details of the operation matter is something open to interpretation — it might just be something for players to figure out and Episode 3 will not cover the Surgeon at all, or he might play a major part; it's not particularly relevant to this essay. What matters is that it happened at all — indeed, it’s fairly easy to justify Ashley and Andrew in everything they did in Episode 1 (flashbacks aside), arguing that if they’d made any other decisions they’d have died — an argument that the victims dug their own graves, even if the Graves siblings put them in them. How correct that is is a matter of debate, but that you can make the argument at all matters, and we’ll be returning to this later. In my last essay (and again in the introduction here), I made an analogy to farm animals, raised without love and for slaughter. Let’s put a pin in the ‘for slaughter’ part for now and take a look at the ‘without love’ part. 

That’s right, it’s time to meet the parents.

As Andrew notes, there are significantly more compelling reasons for you to say that

They Fuck You Up, Your Mum & Dad

They really do. 

Our charming protagonists are, as with many things depicted in this game, an exaggerated, almost farcical example of this phenomenon — one that’s just grounded enough to still feel very real, just like the siblings themselves. 

The late and lamentable Mrs. Graves is just the same: originally a teen mother, hopelessly out of depth with two difficult children — even if one was good at masking it — and an unreliable, emotionally unavailable (at least to their children) partner who can’t hold down a job, ends up foisting them off on each other and doing a Parental Negligence because she simply Cannot Cope. That’s the real part. The part where she gets paid off by an organ harvesting operation to leave them to die, that’s the borderline-farcical exaggeration that throws all the nooks and crannies of her character into sharp relief.

Mrs. Graves does not have a good relationship with either of her kids. Having self-admittedly fobbed the job of raising Ashley off on her son, to the degree that they did not even celebrate her birthday as kids, both of them hold differing degrees and types of resentment for her.

For Ashley, it’s hate — perhaps not quite so clear cut as that, as it’s her that calls for the eulogy and she shows some potential signs of discomfort while cleaning up her parents’ corpses, but by and large, it’s fairly simple and straightforward, as usual for Ashley. The sentiment is not exactly unreturned, either.

This brings Ashley’s heart great delight!

The most clear incident raising her from everyday ‘neglectful’ to ‘wow she wanted nothing to do with this kid’ is the optional ‘birthday cake’ scene, obtained by finding the present in Ashley’s first ‘transitory world’ dream, in which we see Ashley’s birthday  and the founding of a lemon cupcake tradition between Leyley and Andy. She has received nothing from her family, notes that her ‘friends’ would say they were busy before she even told them the schedule and Andy takes her out to buy cupcakes with his pocket money.

This scene gets a callback in Andrew’s dream later. Just remember to Ask Nicely, rather than Kill Her.

Parents of the year, everyone.

So with Ashley it’s as straightforward and obvious as she herself is — she hates her mother, her mother hates her. With Andrew, as with Andrew himself, it’s a fair bit more complicated. His mother is a much more nuanced figure, who is believable in her role as an unfortunate teen parent who was trying her best. He has a degree of trust in her against, seemingly, his own good judgment In her conversation with Andrew, she acknowledges her fault in raising him and seemingly sincerely tries to offer him a ‘way out’, an olive branch.

I think many people have had relationships where they might say this

This scene in particular intrigues me, because she is acknowledging fault in a way that Andrew strictly avoids doing — and well, there’s nothing Andrew likes more than a good way to avoid acknowledging any fault of his own. With her dominant relationship over their father as a model for Andrew to draw comparisons to his own relationship with Ashley with, it’s no surprise that the narrative resonates with him to the point of ‘Accept’ being many people’s first completion.

Of course, that’s not all there is to it. There is a fascinating contrast with her later conversation with Ashley, where she — despite accusing Ashley of brainwashing Andrew — refers to Leyley and Andy as ‘two psychos’ and states that she always knew they were responsible for Nina’s death and that, implicitly, they owe her for not turning them in. 

There's something about mother-daughter relationships here that I just do not have the time or reading to dig into, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, when Andrew interrogates her on her possession of their death certificates, she has… an interesting, plausible story about a life insurance scam and claims that she really did think they died in the fire, implicitly denying the claim that she sold them. It’s entirely possible that she’s describing the details of the ‘scam’ correctly — you can even buy that she genuinely does care for Andrew in some way, if not Ashley, but her claim about being an honest, grieving parent shocked at their deaths… doesn’t add up?

This is a very normal reaction to your supposedly dead children showing up in your house.

As Andrew himself notes after hearing her story, she’s full of shit. This gets into speculation, because there are a few ways to read this, but the most plausible ‘gist’ is that she and her partner were paid off in money and jobs to not raise a fuss — the surgeon she mentioned is almost certainly the founder of ToxiSoda, remember?

The overwhelming difference in presentation between how she speaks to Andrew and Ashley invites investigation — and when Andrew turns down her offer and tells her he isn’t interested in her offer in Decline, her reaction isn’t… despair, it’s shock — and well, there’s a good reason for that.

Why do you think she did it in the first place?

This is the happiest we see her

Well — it’s so she can finally fit into society. That white picket fence, that idyllic 1950s life — hell you can call it the American Dream. She wants that, or as close to it as she can get — the working-class teen mother, living in poverty, aspiring to the middle-class. It’s a very common, very real and very grounded motivation.

And to that end, she effectively sold off her children. It’s no wonder she can’t fathom why Andrew wouldn’t choose the same.

That’s the part that makes you think — just like the deaths in Episode 1, well- maybe the siblings are justified here, too. It’s a weaker argument, but it’s still one you can make under many common moral paradigms today — what goes around comes around, all that jazz. Just look at how awful she was to Ashley.

She’s finally found what she’s been striving for.

Here’s the thing, here’s the thing though — what, reasonably, could she have done? Andrew and Ashley briefly highlight this in conversation about Ashley’s ‘friends’ in Episode 1 — was she supposed to fight gunmen to try and break them out? Throw food to the balcony from four stories?

Moreover, as she herself says to Andrew… would anyone really have been able to do better than her in her position? She was seventeen when Ashley was born, living in poverty with a partner who couldn’t even remember Andrew’s name when he was a kid. Anyone would have had difficulty, let alone with these kids.

Her evils are — they’re not any deliberate action, but rather… prompted inaction. She didn’t have the emotional energy, resources or plain capability to properly parent her children, she didn’t have any solutions to their murder of Nina in a state so blatantly hostile to its underclass, she didn’t have a way to connect with Ashley and she took the money rather than fight a futile and likely suicidal battle against a corporation and its armed goons in a dystopian setting.

Ashley, notably, does not deny this.

Her sin is the one we’re all, I think, guilty of — that of not trying hard enough, that of inaction in the face of difficult tasks, of not standing up on principle because it’s just too much that day and you don’t have the spoons, you’ll do it tomorrow (no you won’t). It’s a petty, everyday kind of evil — that of not doing enough. 

Is that enough to condemn her? Certainly, there’s a pretty manipulative read of her that likely has some truth to it — in the locked door in Ashley’s dream in ‘Decay’ you can discover that she has a ‘not-hatched’ tar soul — but consider that lens — the game won’t make up your mind for you, so you’ll need to choose that for yourself.

The dad is interesting in terms of negative space — but he’s mostly important in that he doesn’t matter, so I decided to not fit him in here. He has art, though — just no sprite, because, well, he’s never mattered to either sibling.

The Contract We Call Society

Right, it’s time to get a little bit Theoretical in here. Not much, but a little. Social contract theory is a complex topic with a lot of nuance, much of which I will be eliding in the name of not writing a twenty thousand word paper on semiotics, law, and anthropology, but the short analogy is… the idea that as long as you play by society’s rules, as long as you are a good citizen, a good person, the state, or the community, will take care of you.

In a number of ways, the harshest penalty levied by many historical states and legal codes was not death, but rather the criminal status of outlawry, a practice that’s cropped up a number of times in history — the practice of no longer being protected by the law. This meant one could be killed or worse with impunity — you were no longer protected by mob justice and, while overexaggerated as a term of reference, certain texts from Medieval England refer to outlaws as bearing a wolfshead, ‘for the wolf is a beast hated by all folk’. Never minding that wolves are actually delightful, this was a time when wolves were actively hunted and sold by people — and the same was intended to happen to outlaws. They were ‘fair targets’ as far as society was concerned, no longer to be treated as your fellow citizens.

This was the gravest punishment on the books, for most of these legal codes — something saved for those who had broken the social contract so completely that there could be no turning back (civil outlawry is… a bit different, that’s not the topic here). Among others, a modern critique of the concept is that it offers no incentive for improvement, no incentive to change or to cease harming society — if an outlaw has none of the social contract’s protections, what reason do they have to obey… any of the social contract? If that seems familiar, well, let me ask you this:

What if the state or community fails its end first? What responsibility does the innocent outlaw have to that contract?

It’s an interesting phrasing, that the world is better off.

It’s time to talk about the incest, and part of why it’s there. The cannibalism too, but that’s less impactful here. If you’ve seen me elsewhere, you might have seen me say that the incest is a load-bearing narrative pillar — in large part due to it being a critical facet of the siblings’ relationship, but in another large part due to it being an equally critical part of how the game uses taboo.

A taboo is in this context something that is considered repulsive and to be avoided by society. It’s a more complex term than that — you can also use it for certain sacred actions or utterances that are only permitted to certain people, for example — but that’s what it is here. Swearing, premarital sex, BDSM and murder are, approximately from weak to strong, some example taboos held in modern Anglospheric society. 

Strong taboos are a staple of horror — they shock, they disgust, they draw people’s attention and it’s that last one that’s critical here. Incest is a very strong taboo — while I am absolutely not segueing into its historical context, the very well-established Westermarck effect gives it a certain timelessness and immunity to desensitisation that most other taboos don’t have — murder, to contrast, is a taboo we’re largely desensitised to in modern media and works of modern media have to put in actual work to make a murder seem horrifying — through atmosphere, cinematography, evocative prose etc.

And this is important because the use of taboo I’m covering in this essay is that the incest is used to invite judgment — it is so ingrained as a ‘wrong thing’ in people’s brains almost regardless of background that it forces the player to engage with the work morally. And that’s where the fun starts.

I’ve mentioned before, very briefly, about the juxtaposition of tone between the Burial & Decay endings, contrasting with the very monstrous difference in morality. Burial is remarkably light-hearted — they play around with the drain blockage, they joke about their mother’s personality and this is further exaggerated on the Love path, where Andrew is much more comfortable with casual contact and the two make a game out of how far they can throw their parents’ skulls, the humour is directly contrasted against their abhorrent actions.

I’ll be real Ashley is far more merciful than I, I’m shuddering at the thought of that gunk in my hair

In comparison, Decay is… bleak. I’ve seen it being referred to as being ‘emotionally sandblasted’ and, yeah I think that’s fair — it’s uncomfortable, it’s heavy and it’s just not fun. And this is the route in which, if you chose Trust into Accept, Andrew has bought into the narrative that his mother’s offered — that he can fit just fine into society if he wasn’t stuck, if not for Ashley — the route that ‘fits’ most closely to the social contract, to Andrew feeling the guilt that we think he should and hating the monsters that they’ve become, as the social contract deems them. Given the pains the game takes to attach the player to the protagonists, this normative moral ending is very easily interpreted as the bad ending.

And well, isn’t it?

Thing is, as mentioned above, the social contract has never held up its end for them. The game takes careful pains to point out to a viewer that they’ve never had the life that society promises people, so why do its moral standards apply?

The game invites you to judge the characters, and in the same motion, asks you from what principles you judge them, making a pretty good guess in that, like most people who haven’t spent a large amount of time navel-gazing and reading some very boring books by very dusty old men, they come from the society around you.

Love even has Ashley express this sentiment directly after the incestuous dream — she asks you — well, Andrew, but this is also something for the player to mull over — why this is what’s engaged your morality or sense of revulsion, rather than the desecration, cannibalism or murder.

Andrew and Ashley are both very funny and very fascinating in this scene.

And that’s the framing that it casts all of its own moral judgement in — even the ‘tar-soul’ aspect is… well, it’s unclear what it even means. Mrs. Graves was a ‘not-hatched’ tar soul, after all. Other than that, it’s society and the world being better off without them, rather than any kind of assertion of objective morality. Due to the present of ‘soul colour’, we’ll presumably see the game make some moral statements in Episode 3, but as it stands?

It’s nearly completely morally sceptical, in and of itself — it’s not interested in moral assertions or education, it’s interested in making you question your own morals. Deconstructive (not that kind), rather than dialectic, to be mildly pretentious.

It uses taboo and shock to invite moral judgement, but then uses tone, charm and our instinct to look for the happiest end for our blorbos to get you to recognise that these are principles you yourself brought into the game, rather than any it’s handed you. 

To summarise: you’ve brought these principles in from society, but what do the siblings, the protagonists, the villains to the world, owe society? Enough that they should follow them? It failed them first, after all.

Closing Thoughts

This one is a bit less energetic than the last, tragically — my sleeping schedule is the stuff of nightmares recently, I love windy weather. Wait, no the opposite. Huge thank you to everyone who commented on the last one, you are the wind beneath my wings and the main reason I managed to get this out this week.

This essay is a bit more interpretative than my last one — certainly, there are alternative readings and I’ve been toying with the idea of deliberately taking a reading I don’t like very much and writing from that perspective as a demonstrative exercise recently — mostly that you shouldn’t just take my word for things!

Otherwise, if the last bit at the end seemed murky, I apologise — I did try to write a more detailed version, but firstly, it was three thousand words and secondly, I re-read it the next day and I could not understand what the fuck I was talking about. Personally, I blame Derrida — suffice to say that I strongly recommend playing through it with an eye towards considering culpability, morality and why you think certain characters are more or less forgivable than others, and for what deeds. See what you get out of it.

I managed to keep one particular thread open to wrap up with here —  I try to keep speculation on Episode 3 content to a minimum in the main essays, but it should be fine here — you might have noticed that I refer to Episode 1 and Episode 2 being on something of a spectrum of justifiability, with the siblings’ actions being ‘more’ justifiable in Episode 1 and ‘less’ justifiable — but still justifiable if you try — in Episode 2. 

To continue the thought of the happiest ending being the one in which they step the furthest away from common morality and to further jar the viewers’ sense of morality by contrasting societal morality and blorbo-oriented morality, Episode 3: Burial could continue this trend in having a major victim be someone who, well, has done nothing wrong and isn’t even guilty of bystander syndrome.

I wonder if there’s any good candidates, someone who’s sweet, harmless and will indisputably be an innocent victim…

…I’m sure she’ll be fine

[endiness]

Just a friendly reminder that Henry Cavill not only didn't know that the books existed when he first started to pursue the role but he actually thought that they were based off the games (and despite proclaiming himself to be such a fan of the series and a lorebuff in general, he still never bothered to read them or research the franchise in any way and he also somehow ~curiously missed that the books and Sapkowski are the first thing credited in the games) and he didn't learn otherwise let alone read the books until after Lauren told him they existed. He also only read the series once back in 2018 right before he was cast and he only ever really played the third game (which he hasn't even played the DLC for.) Also, by his own admission, he didn't do any research for the role because he felt he didn't need to with how much he already knew about the series. (Except we've already established just how little he knew about the series and a lack of curiosity and willingness to research it any further than the little he already knew, so~)

The whole "Henry Cavill is the One True ChampionTM of the books that ValiantlyTM fought against the EvilTM writers" thing was also just a massive pr campaign he ran against Lauren, the writers, and the show — likely to deflect from how it was due to his acting choices that Geralt's characterization was inaccurate to the books in S1 due to how he would cut his lines. He also lied about that whole situation and tried to act like Geralt was never originally written as being as verbose as he was in the books when he was actually written that way, he tried to blame Geralt's lack of dialogue on Yennefer and Ciri's prominence (Ciri's scenes were the ones actually cut in S1, btw), and he tried to act like the lines he was cutting weren't really that important anyway so it didn't really matter that he cut them even though according to Joey he often had to improvise and take Henry's lines to move the plot forward.

Given how much Henry Cavill also pushed the idea that he didn't really have that much input and influence on the scripts during the press for S2 despite Lauren basically saying the exact opposite and how she'd go over the scripts and everything with the actors and how quarantine really gave them time to change things and how that was especially the case with Henry, how Freya said in a S2 interview that they (the actors) come up with a lot of ideas and bring them up, and also how much input Joey's had in the show which ranges anywhere from writing Jaskier's songs to being heavily involved in Jaskier's sexuality and getting book characters and scenes into the show… It's also very likely that Henry Cavill started pushing the whole narrative about how much he cares about the source material and what an advocate he was of it to also deflect from how he was the catalyst for things like Yennefer's betrayal arc, Eskel's death (which in itself led to things like Lambert's harsher attitude toward Ciri and Vesemir trying to create new witchers), and Voleth Meir being the big bad due to how he, basically, didn't want to play Geralt with any characters flaws in S2.

Henry Cavill also likely started that narrative because he was big mad that he was co-lead with two women (Ciri is the main character of the main series) and that the show heavily revolves around women (like the books do).

Hope that helps!

[finniestoncrane]

It's Easy!

Lucy Maclean x Maximus, word count: 1.4k i have never related to a characters straightforward desire to fuck more than lucy maclean, you're my hero girl, keep trying to get your hole at every given moment, even if you have to take it upon yourself to uh... teach your partner how to treat you right... based on that scene from episode 6 which is where most of the dialogue from the intro comes from!! 💛💙 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: inexperienced/experienced, guiding, instructional, premature ejaculation, handjob, goofy losers getting it on my beloved

The harsh lighting was slowly giving Maximus a headache. Lucy, however, seemed to thrive under it. She was used to it, obviously, but he still marvelled at the way she seemed to soak it up, smiling under it's cool, white glow. An infectious smile, one that made her large, brown eyes sparkle like slightly irradiated water. One that pressed into her cheeks, pushing them up and out. One that made him smile back for reasons he wasn't quite sure of.

In fact, there were a lot of things about Lucy that made him smile, and as he ran through the list in his head, he found he had started saying one out loud before he could stop himself.

"You smell good."

There it was. Out in the open. No taking it back, so instead, he kept his eyes trained on the ground, acting as nonchalant as he could.

"Oh?"

With an immediate understanding, Lucy took a relaxed breath inwards before casually proposing an activity to pass the time away during their quarantine.

"Do you wanna have sex?"

That smile again, beaming over at him. With a surprised stutter, Maximus managed to respond.

"Y-you mean use my cock?"

Widening her eyes before looking from side to side, Lucy nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah!"

"I dont know... that weird thing could happen."

Maximus' nervous laugh preceded the statement that had intrigued Lucy to no end.

"What on Earth could he be talking about...? Has something else strange happened up here since... everything?"

Lowering one eyebrow and raising the other, she probed him for an answer.

"What weird thing?"

"Well, it's just... for some guys, and not me,obviously, but, uh... for some guys, you know... when they make it move..."

He gestured to his crotch with his hands, a quick but dramatic glance down to it for emphasis so there was no mistaking what he was talking about.

"... it gets all big an hard like a big pimple and then it pops. And they say it can happen to anybody, but it's still... it's... it's gross."

A knowing smile settled on Lucy's lips, her face blushing at Maximus' misunderstanding, the endearing naiavety he was displaying.

"You know, that's actually completely normal. It happens all the time. Every time, ideally."

With a grimace of disgust, Maximus felt his body moving backwards, as if he were trying to distance himself between himself and the notion that someone would want their cock to pop like that.

"Well, either way... I'm a Knight. Of the Brotherhood. We're... we're not really supposed to-"

"Okey dokey!"

Lucy interrupted him with a shrug and a polite grin, trying to save him from the awkward rejection he was trying to stumble through. But as she began to recline on her gurney on the other side of the small room, she stopped, leaning back on her elbows to listen to Maximus' rushed mumblings.

"Uh... but! B-but I... want to. Maybe? I just... don't know how..."

"Oh! If that's the problem, don't worry. It's easy! I can show you if you want? Teach you the basics at least."

He was a Knight. Well, no he wasn't. Not technically. But as far as Lucy knew... And as a Knight, he could stand to take matters into his own hands for once.

"I... I'd like that."

"Okey dokey, then! Let's do this!"

On that positive, overly optimistic note, Lucy stood up from her gurney and sat down next to Maximus on his. Her hand shifted tentatively to the side, pinky grazing against Maximus warm skin. He didn't respond in kind, instead stiffening up and staying completely still. So Lucy was once again the one to break the tension.

"We can try just kissing first if you'd like? Start off slow, get the basics down."

"Sure."

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

"No... have you?"

Lucy paused for a moment, considering everything she had done so far in life, everything she might do, and everything that had gone on between the first bombs dropped and now. The rules were different above and below ground, and she didn't want to risk offering any information about certain cousins that might make seem strange to someone like Maximus.

Aware that she had been staring wide-eyed into space for longer than necessary, she quickly turned to him.

"Yes, a couple. No one you would know."

His eyes narrowed in response, nose wrinkling up, mouth dropping open in a confused expression as he nodded in obvious agreement. And to prevent him from asking any questions, Lucy leaned into his parted lips and placed her own on them. A tender meeting of their bodies, far beyond polite handshakes, different from the way they had been clinging to each other in weaker moments.

Responding to the beat that his heart skipped and the way his body suddenly flushed with heat, Maximus raised his hand to Lucy's cheek, pulling back quickly with an apology and breaing off their first kiss. His first kiss.

"Oh, that's ok! You're kind of supposed to let nature take its course with this kind of thing. Deep down we all know how it should go... it's in our biology!"

He shrugged, averting his eyes once more, embarrassed to admit it, but confessing anyway.

"I'm still kinda scared... of the... pop."

Ever the dutiful problem solver, Lucy stopped for a moment, humming over potential solutions before beaming bright and excited when she thought she had the perfect one.

"Oh! I can show you what it's like. I'll take charge, and then you'll see it's ok. How does that sound?"

He nodded, slow and stuttered, all of the built up excitement hidden behind the shocked expression he wore. She was so forthcoming, so helpful, and the idea of her touching him did make him feel good. Different, but good. And that feeling was only amplified as Lucy started dragging down the zip at the front of his jumpsuit and dipping her hand beneath the fabric.

Her skin was soft, her palm warm as it glided past his stomach and down to the tuft of unruly black hair above his cock. And then she was touching it. Unafraid, bold and confident in the way she let her fingers trail along the length before settling the flat of her hand against him, semi-erect already and throbbing under her.

Smiling, smug with her effect on him, Lucy could feel his cock stiffening as she wrapped her fingers around it, beginning to stroke the length. As her hand moved up and down, Maximus noticed the way his length, and his whole body in fact, twitched when she reached the bottom and again when she neared his head.

"It's... it's happening isn't it?"

"Yep! But it's ok... totally normal... completely normal... very nice..."

He shifted, not uncomfortably, but awkwardly, as he took in the compliment.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

Lucy was smiling at him, eyes glinting with something he hadn't really noticed before as she asked the question.

"It... it does..."

"Maybe we can go a bit further then? Give me your hand..."

She took his wrist, steadying his shaking limb, and placed his palm against her breast over the top of her suit. He let his fingers sink in a little, squeezing the soft mound and breathing in deep, shaking breaths. it felt comforting, but it made that coil in his stomach tighten as he felt her chest heaving against him.

"Now... if you think this my hand feels nice, imagine how good it would feel to have it inside my- oh!"

The words weren't particularly sexy, at least not in the cheerful, matter of fact way that Lucy spoke them, but it was enough to send Maximus over the edge. His cock twitched, that threatened moving, swelling, throbbing, his veins pulsing, and then the pop. His orgasm came fast and hard, cum spilling in warm, white ropes over Lucy's hand.

Immediate embarrassment came over him as he tried to clean it up, recoiling at the sticky texture of the liquid that had come from him. But as he looked into Lucy's eyes to show the sincerity of the 'sorry' that he repeated, he saw that she was still smiling. Ever cheerful. A sense of satisfaction about a job well done.

"Good, huh? Next time you'll be able to last a bit longer, I think!"

As Lucy made her way back to her own gurney to lay down, Maximus muttered to himself.

"Next... next time?"

And now he began to smirk. Self-satisfied. Relaxed. Excited for this next time.

[thanatika]

people on that child support post are talking as if patho classic daniil is great with kids and it's pathologic 2 daniil that people are getting this negative idea of him from, which got me thinking...

daniil's main characterization of how he treats kids in patho 2 comes from artemy's POV of him, which is biased against daniil due to daniil making a really dickish first impression, and is also based off of unreliable narrator accounts:

first by some kids outside of rubin's house who lead artemy to believe that daniil refused to treat poisoned children when it was actually just dying dogs, which can be followed by artemy confronting daniil himself where he continues to misunderstand the situation and assumes daniil is calling children animals, until he finally visits the kids' warehouse and learns it was just the soul-and-a-halves' pets. which, obviously it would be a nice thing to save pets from dying, but he really ISN'T a veterinarian and there's a deadly plague starting. he's doing triage.

and then another early incident with the kid in the warehouse dying of sand pest, where notkin passes along a message telling artemy not to bother trying to save him that makes him sound very dismissive ("Don't waste your time on Patches, it's over for him"). reading between the lines though, it's pretty clear that he came to that conclusion not because he doesn't want to save people from the sand pest, but because this is a seemingly incurable disease with no medical cure, and at that point he probably hasn't had the chance to test the schmowders on himself so would have no reason to believe in their effectiveness, and assesses that loading patches up with drugs will just kill him. which, he's literally correct! whether you treat him with tinctures, pills, or a whole schmowder, patches dies that night. obviously trying to treat him or at least ease his suffering is a morally good dead, but you can also see the implied basis of daniil's actions, that every second is precious in the early stages of trying to prevent a widespread outbreak, so you shouldn't waste time on a patient who ultimately can't be saved. (which fits in really well not only with his arc in both games where he comes to the conclusion that the whole town is unsalvageable, but with the bigger emphasis on time management and manipulation that his remake has been described as having. hell, maybe from daniil's POV he knows for certain that patches will die due to whatever time manipulation that's going on with him, and that spending the time on that patient allows for a larger disaster to happen elsewhere). so, the situation is framed by notkin (understandably, because he's just a kid and that's his friend dying) and artemy (because he's honestly pretty petty about daniil) as just "the bachelor is an asshole and abandoned these kids" when it's more of a genuine ethical quandary.

he's also pretty rude and dismissive in how he talks about grace to artemy later on, but again, it's pretty clear that he's not just being a hater to a 15 year old for no reason, the point he's making is that she shouldn't be left in charge of a graveyard filled with potentially bio-hazardous corpses.

all that to say, the main canon info about how he treats children in patho 2 basically comes from the fact that a lot of kids end up disliking him, because he's extremely pragmatic to the point of being heartless, but still ultimately pretty understandable in what he's trying to do (stop a plague).

meanwhile when we do get to see his POV in the marble nest, i would say the way he treats children is pretty much consistent with how he talks to them in pathologic classic -- if anything, he's a bit nicer to them? he has some fed-up, yelling sort of dialogue options to the kids, but pretty much all of those are based on being upset that they're out breaking quarantine and putting themselves at risk of death. meanwhile other dialogue options make him come off very much willing to humor them and talk to them on their level. and when another adult is much harsher about the kids being irresponsible, he defends them, with no dialogue option to agree with corporal punishment:

meanwhile in pathologic classic, i do think that on the whole daniil is pretty nice to kids and willing to go out of his way to protect or help them (to the point of risking death, such as the late game sidequest where he can agree to go take on several soldiers to keep the father of two children from being wrongly executed). but he does also have some really unkind and spiteful dialogue options, like some of what he says to clara both in his own route and hers, and on the topic of corporal punishment...

[prettyboybillyhargrove]

Dacre Montgomery (‘Stranger Things’) on filming his Season 4 appearance from Australia: ‘I put everything into this moment’ [Exclusive Video Interview]

Sam Eckmann TV June 17, 2023 6:30AM

“I like to do a lot of character prep and development and sort of live in character,” explains Dacre Montgomery of his acting process. The breakout “Stranger Things” star made a surprise return to the hit Netflix series in Season 4 despite his character Billy being killed in the previous season. His appearance was brief, but it provided the actor with a unique filming opportunity and the chance to put a final touch on a role that means a great deal to him. “It’s a culmination of hundreds of hours of work and really living in character in many ways,” says Montgomery. Watch the exclusive video interview above.

The Duffer Brothers called Montgomery near the start of the global pandemic with the offer to return for some pivotal scenes with Max (Sadie Sink). “And then it became quite difficult to leave Australia,” says the actor, noting that he was stuck in his home country while the series was being filmed in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Montgomery recorded lines of dialogue for Sink to work with as she filmed in the U.S., but it became too difficult a prospect for him to join her. To his surprise, production agreed to shoot his material in Perth. “They decided to shoot the scenes in my hometown, but a sound stage of the size that they needed, with a blue screen stage, didn’t exist. So they built one just for the one scene in Western Australia, which was awesome,” he admits. The costumes, wigs, and prosthetics for Billy were flown in from across the globe, and the actor worked with a local Australian team to put it all together.

“But the strangest part of it all was I was on a blue stage,” he admits. He had a tiny earpiece playing Sink’s lines for him, but he otherwise only had a tennis ball to act opposite. The performer describes the process as “highly emotional work,” not only because of the content of the scenes, but because of his deep attachment to his character. So despite the strange circumstances, filming by himself while in and out of hotel quarantine, Montgomery “put everything into this moment.”

Because of his isolation in Oz, Montgomery reveals that he had “no real context obviously of what was happening in the rest of the season.” This includes the setup that the villain Vecna (Jamie Campbell Bower) produces an illusion of Billy as a representation of Max’s grief, and as a way to lure her into accepting death. But Montgomery had no designs on portraying a new version of the character. “I really just wanted to play Billy for Billy, and give the sort of authenticity of the character work in that space,” he explains, “There’s so much core memory there of Billy and who he is. So this sort of materialization of him, it was important for me to play the character properly rather than trying to be an offshoot.”

Viewers may also describe Billy as a villain, but Montgomery is drawn to the discovery of what lurks beneath the surface of this kind of figure. “There’s this sort of truth in a weird sick way in the mask,” he explains, “These antagonists, or perceived antagonists, are trying to cover up deep trauma. So obviously that they wear this mask that’s outwardly facing.” During his time on “Stranger Things,” he enjoyed exploring what made Billy put on his mask in order to humanize the character. Montgomery had to mine his own personal fears and demons in order to tap into this facet of Billy. That process is scary, but also cathartic. “I think working with Billy, there was three or four years, however long I was involved with the show, of catharsis,” states Montgomery.

[absolutebl]

10 BLs where the Main Couple has NO Prior History

Or at least, very very little of it. The opposite of the very popular LTP (long term pining). 

This post in response to a question posed by the most excellent @luuhecia​ who asked: Soooo here's my plea: do you have any recommendations of shows where the people involved have no previous history?

In other words we get to watch them meet and fall in love with no prior history on either side. So I eliminated those were there was a made crush even if only recently (e.g. Light on Me, Takara & Amagi). 

1. Seven Days

They know of each other but just in a normal high school way. No pining. The story is basically about the 7 days it takes them to fall in love. 

2. Color Rush

They are destined for each other but they have never met before. 

3. Semantic Error 

In fact, part of the premise is a “hunt for the unknown boy who made him fail to graduate.” 

4. To My Star 

They have a couple of meet cutes, accidentally shack up together. 

There are actually a TON from Korea. 

5. Addicted 

The new kid in high school. They have a family connection (it turns out) but they didn’t know each other. 

6. Restart After Come Back Home

We see them meet for the first time and then go on from there.

7. HIStory 2: Crossing the Line 

They meet by crashing into each other because... Taiwan. 

8. My Tooth Your Love 

Just so cute. 

9. Eclipse

There are a lot of good ones from Thailand but I chose this because it’s part of the plot, how they know nothing about each other. 

10. Love by Chance 

Just the greatest meet cute ever. 

NEW ENTRY

11. The Eighth Sense

Actually uses the fact that the DO NOT have prior history with each other as a plot point and for character development. It’s addressed directly ind dialogue. Very nicely done! 

Others that didn’t make my top 10 but still have no prior pining

China 

Advance Bravely 

Capture Lover

My Esports Genius Brother - love at first sight 

Japan

Candy Color Paradox 

Given - love at first sight 

His the series  - love at first sight 

Senpai This Can’t Be Love (he has a crush on him but they haven’t actually met each other) 

Silhouette of Your Voice

Kieta Hatsukoi

My Beautiful Man 

Mr Unlucky - love at first sight 

Korea 

Kissable Lips - fated mates

Mr Heart

My Sweet Dear 

Love Class 

Behind Cut 

Shoulder to Cry On 

The Lover - cohabitation 

Unintentional Love Story 

Tasty Florida - love at first sight 

 Roommates of 304 

All the Liquors

Blueming

New Employee 

Nobleman Ryus Wedding 

Oh Boarding House 

Ocean Likes Me 

Tinted With You 

Wish You - love at first sight 

You Make Me Dance  

The Philippines 

Like in the Movies

My Day 

Rainbow Prince 

Taiwan 

Because of You 

Be Loved in House I Do

Craving You - love at first sight 

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong 

See You After Quarantine? 

Vietnam

Hay Rival I Love You 

My Lascivious Boss - one night stand

Nation’s Brother - one night stand

Want to See You 

You Are Ma Boy

Thailand

(not all are chronicled, there’s too many, main couples only) 

Ai Long Nhai - love at first sight 

Bite Me

Between Us - one night stand 

Coffee Melody

Love Mechanics - one night stand  

Ghost Host Ghost House

Gen Y - love at first sight 

KinnPorsche (family connection but they don’t know about it) 

La Cuisine 

Tale of 1000 Stars - Well there is the heart connection but it’s not quite the same thing

Love in the Air 

Love Area 

My Engineer 

Meow Ears Up 

Moonlight Chicken - one night stand 

My Ride - GREAT example of well developed meet cute and then romance 

Never Let Me Go

Not Me - erm, it’s complicated 

Oh My Sunshine Night 

Oxygen - love at first sight 

Paint with Love

Puppy Honey 

Siew Sum Noi

Something in My Room 

Top Secret Together 

TharnType 

Tuxedo 

Unforgotten Night - One Night Stand 

Vice Versa 

What Zabb Man 

YYY 

This post as of April 2023, not responsible of BLs that fit this criteria after that date. But feel free to leave a comment or repost with more additions. 

(source)

[geroge2]

(SPOILERS) The Coffin of Andy and Leyley: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Compartmentalise

C/W: Death, Gore, Cannibalism, Incest

Spoilers for the whole game! If you don't care/haven't played it, I've included a plot summary as it's necessary to follow most of what I'm saying.

Preface

Before anything, I want to clear up some misconceptions you may have about this game. It’s commonly memed about due to the relationship between the two sibling protagonists. I’m not going to argue that there aren’t incestuous undertones (and at a few points, overtones), but I want it to be said that there is a lot more to this game than just cheap shock value.

I’ll admit I picked up this game specifically because it seemed so weird. I’ve always been partial to RPGMaker games (LISA and OMORI are two of my favourite games, ever) and seeing a widely memed about, dialogue heavy indie rpg? Sign me up! Basically, I wanted to see for myself whether the game was actually good, or if its controversial elements carried it to stardom. My conclusion; yup. I don't really have a specific focus here; I mainly just want to cover the various angles of Andrew and Ashley's relationship.

Also, I apologise for the length of the plot summary. I tried my best to shorten it, but there are lots of little moments that I need to specifically reference later. Bear with me.

Key/Explanations

I’ll be using a lot of quotes in this essay. Because many of these are back-and-forths, I decided to clearly identify which character is saying what. So, pink means Ashley, green means Andrew, yellow means Mum. If there is text that has no quotation marks, but is coloured, it’s the characters internal narration. Hope that makes things easier to read!

I mention the Burial and Decay routes on occasion. I’ll elaborate on them here; when you’re preparing the ritual to sacrifice your parents, you can choose to either let Andrew stay with them and set it up, or set it up yourself (as Ashley). Choosing the former results in a conversation between Andrew and Mum, wherein she’ll offer an olive branch. Accepting this results in the Decay route, a route which is characterised by Andrew’s indifference to their future and his coldness towards Ashley. Declining results in the Burial route, wherein Andrew maintains his general composure and his care for Ashley. Also, choosing to set up the ritual as Ashley also results in the Decay route with only some minor dialogue changes and a unique conversation.

I mention Room 302 a few times as well. This is the room where Andrew holds the woman hostage, who he later kills. I bring this up quite a few times, so keep it in mind.

Plot Summary

Andrew and Ashley are two siblings living in an apartment together. They have been quarantined for an indeterminate amount of time due to some parasite they allegedly have and are nearly starving to death. The two hear their neighbour play loud music and they cross the balcony gap to investigate. They witness him performing a satanic ritual, but he fails. They watch some TV before falling asleep. Ashley reminisces in her dreams. She remembers her mum leaving them, a nurse taking their blood, and their mum telling her not to call them anymore. The next day, Ashley decides to clean up the house, but collapses from exhaustion. Andrew takes her to the couch, and while half asleep, she hears him talking to his girlfriend, who dumps him. Some time later, Andrew and Ashley are laying in their living room. They hear their neighbour again, alongside a strange roar. They witness him summon a demon that then kills him. They decide to cannibalise him, transporting his body into their freezer and cooking and eating one of his limbs. Ashley goes to sleep while Andrew cleans up. While dreaming, she recalls a time when she convinced Andrew to bring Nina, a friend of hers who likes him, to a warehouse so they could trap her for a while to scare her away. Andrew is reluctant, but Ashley insists. When Ashley traps Nina in a chest, Andrew tries to convince her to just let her out, but Ashley manipulates him into leaving her there. She’s awoken by Andrew, who can’t sleep, and goes to sleep next to Ashley.

The next day, they return to the cultist's apartment. The warden knocks on the door, and hearing no response, presumes the cultist dead. Andrew goes to distract the warden at their apartment door while Ashley cleans up the blood. When the warden opens the door, Ashley hides in a closet. He finds her, and Andrew kills him. Before they leave, he tells her to never speak of this to anyone, threatening her. Ashley lashes back, and Andrew apologises, telling her he’s stressed. They concoct a plan to escape; try summoning the demon that killed the cultist again, and offer the other warden as a sacrifice. While checking out the floor below them, they encounter a woman in Room 302. Andrew threatens her with the cleaver to call the other warden up to the cultists room. He stays with her while Ashley goes to summon the demon. Ashley is successful and receives a talisman which will give her prophetic visions. She goes back to meet up with Andrew, finding him alone and the woman dead. He tells her that he let the woman go, but she tried to shoot him with a nail gun and so he killed her. Ashley accuses Andrew of trying to sleep with the woman. This causes an argument. which spirals, climaxing when Ashley absolves herself of any wrongdoing and claims Andrew has done everything of his own free will. Andrew threatens to kill her, but Ashley says that she’s the only one he can talk to. The two reconcile with each giving a stipulation. Andrew doesn’t want to be called Andy, and Ashley wants it to be just the two of them. They escape the apartment together.

Some time later, the two are sitting at a cafe. They’ve been living at a motel. Ashley has a vision that night of a hitman killing them both, so she wakes Andrew up and they leave. She decides to wait to ambush the hitman with the gun they stole from the warden. They take everything from their motel room, and Andrew shoots the hitman in a nearby park. They steal his car. Ashley suggests robbing their parents, to which Andrew reluctantly agrees. She says they should kill them as well, which he isn’t keen on. While asleep in the car, Ashley recalls the two finding Nina dead. Ashley is unbothered while Andrew panics. The two go to bury the body, with Ashley blackmailing Andrew into being friends with her, else she tell everyone their secret. Andrew reprimands her, telling her he already liked her. Ashley is awoken in a car park near their parents' home.

They break into their parents' home, finding them to be richer than they remember. When their mum unexpectedly arrives home, Andrew converses with her. He tells her that they’ll cook dinner. They have dinner with their parents, and while cleaning up, Ashley attempts to convince Andrew to sacrifice their parents to recharge the talisman. While asleep on the couch, Andrew has a dream, recalling his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, his cannibalism of the cultist, and the corpses of the people he's killed. Ashley wakes up Andrew on the couch, and they bring their parents to the basement. They summon the demon, presumably killing them. While untying them, Andrew finds them to still be breathing and panics, so Ashley kills them. Ashley notes Andrew's apathy while they clean up. Before they leave, they decide to get another vision. Ashley falls asleep, and either gets a vision recalling her life and her relationship with Andrew (Burial) or is chased by Andrew, who then kills her (Decay). Regardless, the two leave to dump the bones into the ocean.

Codependency

Andrew and Ashley are hopelessly codependent. This is both alluded to (i.e when Andrew’s girlfriend breaks up with him) and made very clear through their dialogue. After they butcher and eat the cultist, Andrew wakes Ashley up because he can’t sleep and sleeps next to her that night, which is implied to be a regular occurrence. Throughout the game, Andrew struggles to cope with his actions and their tumultuous future, often talking out his problems with a relatively unbothered Ashley. After their first argument he tells her “It’s……….. I’m stressed out, Leyley.” and when she gives him the silent treatment in the car, he attempts to apologise but is rebuked. Andrew’s reliance on Ashley to cope with his guilt is something both of them are very aware of: “I’m the only one you can talk to. I’m the only one who can make it go away!” “Fancy that. When you’re the reason I can’t sleep in the first place.”. Andrew has always struggled to say no to his sister; in the past, he was reluctant to trap Nina, and tried to convince Ashley to let her out of the chest. Ashley gets his compliance through emotional manipulation “It’s not fair! Why does everyone like her better? I’m loud and weird and annoying and no one likes me at all!”  ”...I like you better LeyLey.” “Prove it. Liar”. This codependency is only furthered when they bury the body; “You’re a bad person Andy. But I won’t tell anyone… So let’s always be friends. Okay?”. Andrew is “stuck” with her (a motif repeated throughout the game). In the present, he is quick to dismiss Ashley’s idealistic plans, pointing out how they can’t stay at their parents house after the murder or use their IDs. However, he still goes along with the majority of her schemes, even if they’re dangerous (i.e killing the hitman). This indicates the level of influence she still has over him; during their argument in Room 302, she insists that “you chose me! YOU CHOSE ME! ME!!”, referring to the Nina incident, which incites Andrew enough to threaten to kill her. His eventual refusal to do so shows us two things; that he still feels intense guilt over Nina’s death, and that he needs Ashley to deal with it. 

While Ashley is the more assertive of the two, this doesn’t mean she’s any less dependent than Andrew. She’s shown to be incredibly possessive of Andrew (who she prefers to call “Andy”), getting intense jealousy whenever he receives or gives attention to another woman. This is what incites her to trap Nina; “What do I do about these hussies around you…”, as well as sparking the argument in Room 302; “Andrew shoots his load, while I risk getting shot by the warden!”.  She even mentions this in the Decay route after they sacrifice their parents; “I don’t know. What do you keep me around for?? I’m certainly no pretty lady. You can’t even fuck me.”. Her contract with Andrew demonstrates this perfectly: “And thus, she forever keeps her mouth shut.” “Only as long as you keep your eyes closed!”. Ashley holds all the power on the surface; she’s the one who can reveal this truth, showing indifference to the truth of Nina’s death being revealed; “So what? “No one likes me anyway.”. But when it comes down to it, she needs Andrew just as much as he needs her. While the emotional manipulation she uses on Andrew is obviously bad, it’s clear that Ashley herself believes what she’s saying; “God! You stupid, stupid girl. I’ve been here this whole time….. None of this needed to happen, you could’ve just–” “I KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE ME!! Andy, I know. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Because from now on, no one will like you either!”. She blackmails Andrew because she genuinely believes this is the only way to get him to like her, ignoring his complaints. The current Ashley is certainly more deliberately manipulative than her past self, but as we see with her stipulation, Andrew’s undivided attention is still the most important thing to her. There is no Leyley without Andy.

Idealisation

“Andy” and “Leyley” are more than just nicknames; they are used by the siblings to refer to distinct versions of themselves. This difference is most pronounced in Andrew; whenever we see the two in flashbacks, they are “Andy” and “Leyley” but Andrew is quick to show his disdain for the nickname whenever Ashley tries to call him it. After killing the warden, he decides to play along, but when they leave the apartment, his one stipulation is that she never calls him “Andy” again (which she deliberately breaks again and again). In his own words,  “Okay, but I’m not gonna be Andy anymore. He’s so… spineless. And I hate Leyley like you wouldn’t believe… She better stay and die here with Andy. So you and I can leave.”. Andrew associates “Andy” with a prior version of himself; calling him “spineless” implies that he intends to stand up to Ashley more than he did in the past, and he makes it clear that to him, there is a clear distinction between the two and their nicknames. When she calls him Andy in the motel, he responds with “Go for it! Though you’re going to find me a lot less accommodating than Andy.”.  This is what sparks their big argument in the car; “Oh c’mon! It’s just a joke.” “Like I don’t know you Ashley! You’ve pulled this shit before… You’ll keep going “Andy “Andy” until I get tired of correcting you. And suddenly it’s “Andy and Leyley and Stupid Bullshit” all over again.”. He confronts her again while they’re washing the dishes at their parent’s house; “I agreed to behave, and you agreed it’s just us now.” “Funny. Because I remember agreeing to bury Andy and Leyley.”. Andrew wants to use their new life on the run as a fresh start of sorts; to be a different, better version of himself. But Ashley doesn’t.

Ashley is naturally opposed to Andrew’s stance. She adores “Andy”, not just the nickname, but the ideal of Andy. Of the brother who loves her more than anyone else, who helps her out whenever she needs it, who agrees with her no matter what. While Andrew tries to push himself away from this mould, Ashley wants him to stay firmly within it. This dynamic has existed for some time prior to the events of the game; “I told you to stop calling me that. We’re not kids anymore.”.  Despite agreeing to his stipulation, she continually pushes his boundaries, trying to slip it into conversation like in the motel (which he instantly rebukes) and later into the conversation during dinner with their parents. She wants Andrew to be just like they were when they were kids, when they were doing their “Andy and Leyley” adventures. It’s no coincidence that after they eat the cultist (the inciting incident), Ashley reminds Andrew of their past; “Hey Andy? Remember when we used to go on adventures. Andy and Leyley’s quest for something-or-another. Remember?” “W-why bring this up…?” “Isn’t this just another one of those?”. She’s still treating everything like just another adventure, which gets on Andrew’s nerves after he kills the warden; “Ashley. I am not in the mood for your shit right now.”. While washing dishes, Andrew asserts that “Well guess what? Andy is dead.” with Ashley responding that “..... You’re right. I really don’t like Andrew.”. Andrew wants to bury Andy, while Ashley wants him to be Andy forever. But what she can’t (or won’t) understand is that there is no Andy. Not like she wants.

Desensitisation

Throughout the game, Andrew slowly gets more and more desensitised to both his and Ashley’s actions. He’s careful by nature, and quick to panic when things get out of control. He retches when eating the cultist, and struggles to sleep that night. But as time goes on, as more people die, he starts to lose his sense of humanity. In fact, he begins to become more and more like Ashley, something that she notices; I don’t know… something is shifting. I don’t really like it…... What’s interesting is that Ashley doesn’t want Andrew to be like her. No matter what route you take, Ashley picks up on Andrew’s nonchalance when cleaning up their parents' bodies. Andrew continues casually butchering your parents. Incidentally, there’s a knot in your stomach OR “Having regrets?” “Would I be allowed to say so, if I did?”  “I love you Andy. I love you. I love you. I love  you. I’m sorry for lashing out earlier. I forgot how hard this is for you.” “I’m fine.” “No you’re not, talk to me.” “………. I’ve got nothing to say to you”. Andrew continues casually butchering your parents. And for the first time in forever, you have no idea what he’s thinking. During his vision in the Burial route, we see his ex-girlfriend Julia. Andrew says that; “You’ll never see her again. And the fact that it doesn’t really bother you, bothers you”. Andrew isn’t just becoming desensitised to murder and cannibalism, he’s becoming desensitised to everything, as demonstrated by his nonchalance at the bridge. Ashley later shows relief when Andrew can’t sleep; “Oh, you still can’t sleep? For a moment there I thought you’d changed.”, followed up by his eulogy at the bridge where she wonders Maybe you have changed after all…. Meanwhile, in the Decay route, after she has the vision of Andrew murdering her, she calls him Andy and hopes that he doesn’t react. He initially doesn’t but when she asks why he doesn’t say “I love you” back, he says: “You keep calling me by some other guy’s name. What do you expect?”. This is the natural consequence of Ashley’s desire for her Andy; as Andrew goes along with her plans, he becomes less like the Andy she wants. These incredibly stressful situations either result in him snapping (Room 302) or no longer caring (their parents). And these exact situations cause the only thing keeping him together to fracture and tear.

Responsibility

No matter what seems to happen, Andrew tries to maintain some form of a moral compass. He tries to justify his cannibalism to Ashley: “I was too hungry to think straight, okay??”. But as Ashley points out, whether he feels bad about it or not, he did it.  “What do you want me to do about it? Woosh woosh! there goes my magic wand! There. I’ve absolved you of your sins! You never took a bite now.”. This is Andrew’s most potent coping mechanism, the one thing that seems to keep him sane despite everything; no matter what, he is not fully responsible for what he’s done. When they argue in Room 302, he denies Ashley’s innocence; “I’m all innocent. I’ve not harmed a single soul!” “Of course not! YOU MAKE ME DO IT FOR YOU!!”. While this allows him to maintain some composure, the obvious guilt he carries reveals his true feelings; he is aware of what he’s done and what it means. But he maintains that fragile defence, the last thing that he needs to hold on to not to lose himself; part of their twisted, complex relationship is that Andrew needs Ashley to share the blame. But it’s a ticking time bomb. The big turning point for when he seems to fully accept his responsibility, is after they sacrifice their parents. They are revealed to still be breathing, causing Andrew to panic, but Ashley kills them. And she catches something; “Surely, he’ll bitch and moan as per usual. But you did not miss that sigh of relief”. Relief at the death of his parents. Until now, Andrew always had a defence for his murders, as we see in his dream; You killed this one to protect Ashley. No regrets.; Ashley would’ve wanted to kill this one anyway. You couldn’t leave any witnesses after all.; This one you had to get before he got you.. But he’s run out of excuses. He nonchalantly hacks away at their bodies and disposes of their remains, something which even Ashley is uncomfortable with. The way he drags his bloody finger down her face is very reminiscent of her doing the same thing when Andrew can’t sleep after they eat the cultist. The roles are deliberately reversed here. Ashley is turning Andrew into a monster. Or maybe he’s letting her.

Neglect

While Andrew is slowly changing, Ashley, on the other hand, was never bothered by the murders, or the cannibalism, or just about anything. We see this in the past too; after Nina dies, she reacts with cold indifference; “If you’re so weak that you die just like that, then clearly nature doesn’t want you to live.”. This brings us into a nature versus nurture argument; was Ashley’s upbringing the cause of her personality, or was it intrinsic to her? To do that, we have to understand why Ashley is so fiercely possessive of Andrew. We don’t see a great deal of their childhood, but we can piece a lot together from short scenes and implications. The game establishes early on that Ashley has a bad relationship with her mum; “Please don’t call me anymore. I won’t answer…………… G-goodbye, Ashley…”. This is expanded upon in the car, when it’s revealed that Andrew knows their parents’ new address; “.... She actually told you the address?? Huh.. the only thing she told me was to stop calling her.”. The conversations Andrew has with their mum makes things very clear; he gets along well enough with her to piss Ashley off; “Hell, since you think everything is all good, why not stay here and play happy family some more??”, and of course, Andrew has to convince her otherwise; “Listen, I chose you, didn’t I? I chose you.”. And in her vision during the Burial route, we see a representation of the events up until this point with plushies. Her parents and Andrew are at the dinner table, while she’s alone in the corner. Even if you try and put her plushie on a chair, it just falls off. 

We are given more context in a hidden scene you can find in the Decay route. Ashley finds a present in her vision, which reminds her of one of her birthdays; “Hey Andy? Isn’t it interesting that when it’s your birthday, you have your classmates come over and stuff… But when it’s my birthday, we can never afford anything?”. When Andrew suggests buying a cake, Ashley responds with “Nah… it’s not like my friends would show up anyway…. They’re always busy when I ask for anything. Even when I haven’t said the date yet…”. After Andrew uses his pocket money to buy some lemon muffins, he tells her to wish for something. She wishes that “my brother loses all his friends and never finds love!”. This scene is really, really interesting because of how normal Ashley is in it. She isn’t concocting some scheme, or manipulating Andrew. She’s just a kid who’s sad on her birthday, and looks to her brother to comfort her. It’s for this reason that I think you can view this scene as a turning point of sorts; when Ashley gives up on depending on anyone except Andrew. That’s certainly what her wish suggests. This is further supported by a conversation Andrew has with his mum if Ashley leaves him to set up the ritual; “I wanted to apologise to you. For always making you look after her. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry I made you raise her. I thought you were getting along, so I didn’t want to see what was happening. And for that, I apologise.”. Ashley’s neglect was not incidental, but purposeful; her mum let Andrew deal with her and ignored their growing dependency.

Now we have a much better idea of who Ashley is, and why. Ashley had these almost sociopathic tendencies as a child (as seen with Nina), but blaming her isn’t really fair. Ashley was completely and utterly failed by her parents. Her mum delegated the burden of raising a child to Andrew, while ignoring the worrying signs she developed. If Ashley stays in the basement to set up the ritual, her mum admits she was aware of Nina’s murder; “I never told anyone what you two little psychos did to that girl.”. Their mum is characterised by inaction; she admits she’s a fuck up to Andrew, but it doesn’t change a thing. Ashley’s lack of parental affection and her inability to get along with her peers led to a loneliness that only Andrew could fix. It’s no surprise that her relationship with Andrew developed the way it did. Ashley is a victim of a much subtler form of child abuse, the type that isn’t dramatised or talked about as often, but can be just as devastating. Ashley didn’t have to be a monster.

That’s It?

We’re left at a precipice; these two fundamentally broken people who can only find comfort in each other. Unfortunately, the game isn’t currently finished. We don’t get to see how the branching Burial or Decay routes go, or even how Andy and Leyley’s final adventure ends. But I still think there’s a lot to say about this little RPGMaker game made by one dude. How it examines these complex themes; the toxic nature of codependency, the unhealthy escapism of idealisation. How desensitisation can be inevitable, and how people use mental gymnastics to escape the weight of their actions. And how monsters aren’t born, they’re made, sometimes in more subtle and insidious ways. I think that’s all really worth talking about.

Postface

I haven’t written a structured essay in a long time, so I hope my rustiness didn’t show too badly. I’m not exactly sure why I felt so inclined to write all this about this specific game. It’s definitely a game I really enjoyed, and that strongly affected me emotionally. But I’ve played a decent amount of games like that in the past year or so. Maybe I just played it at a time that I needed some kind of creative outlet. Who knows.

Thanks for bearing with my indulgence.

[heyalma89]

This whole Watcher thing is upsetting for many. I have been watching Shane and Ryan for YEARS like many of you. I loved their banter with the black screen and their dialogue being in different colors. I was like "Hey these guys are funny!" I was definitely hooked. I agree with many of you that's what WE want is just simple. I also get it as a creative person you have to "get that bag" as the young kids say but you don't do that by screwing over your fans. You mentioned in the video there were shows that weren't working so why not stop producing them? Simple that saves you money!!! You work on promoting that Patreon. I'm not saying fire people because people need their livelihood but before you started hiring SO many people you should've reflected on what was possible team size wise. I've seen so many people being rude like "you guys aren't fans it's just $6" you don't know what goes on in other people's lives. I'm glad that YOU can afford $6 but to someone else that might be buying an essential item or money towards a meal. Also have we learned nothing from other streaming services? Everything starts at one price but eventually goes up especially if they're trying for bigger and bigger production value. How are they doing these tours in Glasgow or Scotland if they alienated those same fans because they're streaming services apparently aren't available internationally (at least not yet). I genuinely miss "Are You Scared?" And when Shane had to guess if the story was true or not and they did plenty of that in quarantine. No fancy sets just simple storytelling. I'm happy for them and I hope things go well because I don't like wishing ill on people because I do believe in karma but I do feel disappointed by them. Yes some of you have they said "They don't owe you anything you're all being babies!" While yes the content was free people went to shows, bought the merch, and watched them for YEARS. It is about consideration of the people that have followed you for years. They should've done a survey or just be plain honest "Hey guys we didn't budget correctly and we need to do this to afford etc..." people are going to appreciate/respect the hustle more if you're honest or were like hey we messed up. It isn't so much that they "owe" us anything it just feels like they betrayed a lot of their fans and it manifests especially the ending to that video of "if you can't afford it then goodbye" why is art only for the the rich or those who can afford it? Someone on here said "entertainment isn't free" so people shouldn't be able to enjoy fun things or be exposed to fun experiences because that's only for the wealthy? What an elitist attitude trust me the rich don't care about you or I and you saying that won't make them like you more. I hope everything goes well for Ryan, Shane, and Steven because they have worked hard but I will not be joining them.

[stupidlittlespirit]

hey, I just read freaks of a feather and I'm in love. you're such a good writer and it left me wondering all sorts of things about you and the way you write. how long have you been writing? are you a planner or a pantser? do you have like a ritual for writing or do you just go with the flow? if you do have a process, how is it? do you prefer writing dialogue or description? (love asking this question).

sorry for the stupid amount of questions, I just love knowing more about how my favorite writers write. keep up the good work! (also, i'm counting down the days for the new ford fic you've been writing)

Ohh thank you so much!!!!! They’re not stupid at all, I love talking to you guys! ❤️

I started writing when I was 19, ironically enough for Ford! I stopped for a long time and then picked it up again in quarantine, took another break and came back to write for Reigen/MP100. It kept me company and was a creative outlet for a lot of complex emotions due to trauma.

I used to write terribly but I worked on a huuuuge Reigen fic that I never published and I really think it helped me improve and examine my style more. I also wrote a LOT for Reigen so that helped too.

I have ideas kind of come to me in prophetic visions daydreams if that makes sense? They look like movies in my mind’s eye and I suppose I just describe them. And then I divide it into chapters in my head and plot it out in a document. Sometimes the plot is very detailed when I plan it but other times I just throw it all out in one go on the page and go back to tidy it up etc.

Often times I have what I guess you’d call a ‘clip show’ document of things I might use later as part of a big fic and those help me sew things together. Oftentimes it’s dialogue.

In terms of rituals, I listen to music the whole time I write. It’ll suit the mood, so for horror scenes it’s (at the moment) the evil dead ost, Alien:Romulus, stuff like that. For romance, it’s always Piero Piccioni lol. If you ever want them, I can share my playlists.

I swing wildly between description and dialogue preferences because I love writing feelings, like how the reader feels about the character, or how the character looks to me. I really enjoy trying to be a bit poetic about my feelings because they’re very intense and physical to me if that makes sense? Idk if it works but it feels nice.

Buuuuut I also fucking love writing banter or romantic dialogue. It’s so much fun and I play back and forth with people irl all the time, it’s my job to flirt with customers as a sex worker, so I can hear the conversations in my head. Customers can be dry as dust sometimes (often) though, so when I write for someone, I love making them capable of that because it’s kind of cathartic for me. I get flirted with the way I’d find most attractive irl.

And thank you, I’m looking forward to finishing the fucking fic bc it’s so long that I’m dying 😭 I have a lot on this week but I’m chipping away at it so hopefully it’ll be done soonish :)

Thank you for the support!!!!! ❤️

[majjiktricks]

im gonna end up playing that again because i wanna look for more details. things i did see but cant post because the audio is ATROCIOUS. heres what i can remember tho:

if you go into the basement level before you're suppose to, the peace walker theme will be playing over some kind of loudspeaker (instead of the radio like it does when you can pick it up later). the room is pitch dark and completely empty aside from some shelves and gurneys. i'd have to turn the brightness up but i wouldnt be surprised if it was a storage room for medicines and/or some kind of morgue.

theres an entire wing of the quarantine building you cant explore because there are carts and shelves overturned in front of the doors. apparently the people who end up in the basement room were hiding there, and then left once the parasites made them run. im not sure why they went to the basement when the parasites want outside, but props to them for locking themselves in. you have to pick the door to get in.

despite being listed in the credits, ocelot never talks to you over the radio. you only hear kaz, code talker, and eventually huey. ocelot only appears in the casket burning cutscene, and only for a moment with no dialogue.

i cant remember if its present in the english, but in the japanese dub, the people infected with vocal cord parasites have a strange, warbly filter over their voices that makes its sounds like their vocal cords are loose and moving too much when they speak.

all the staff who are infected have visibly clouded over eyes, except for the last one who you carry to the door. when you first look at him, his eyes are dark. they are still dark even after confirming he is also infected. this is likely because it would have been too small of a detail to make a model change for mid-mission, or for a watsonian explanation, perhaps the eyes are one of the last symptoms to present.

there are a handful of different staff reactions to you appearing and then pointing your gun at them. a lot of them are relieved to see you. some are confused and say "wait!" or plead with you when you raise your gun. some of them just look at you and accept it. a few even say thank you as their last line when you shoot them. one staff member laying on the floor will see you shoot another and then pull a gun on you. one refuses to die via parasites and shoots himself. the security team member you find protecting two other staff is the same one you will find at the end behind everyone in the basement.

you cannot use cqc during this mission except for while in the rooftop room. you cannot prevent staff from injuring each other or themselves with stuns or punches.

code talker over the radio will theorize about how the parasites mutated and how they behave. he posits that it may have something to do with the recent radiation leak on the quarantine platform.

he also has a theory about why the disease is progressing so quickly this time and has no visible symptoms: the parasites are reproducing asexually and laying eggs without vocal stimulation, simply overwhelming and destroying the host. the strategy to spread is no longer through bodily fluids, but through animals. the parasites want to get outside so birds will eat the bodies and uncontrollably spread the parasites that way.

the comparison to the snail is apt because multiple parasites alter snail behavior to make them more susceptible to being eaten by birds, who are the parasites' final host. it then releases eggs with the birds' droppings, which can end up in water to infect more snails and bird-prey.

venom snake puts on a set of goggles he took off a guy who died right in front of him, who was COVERED in blood. im amazed he wasnt infected that way.

thats all i can remember right now, will have to go through again and try to get all the radio clips and any details i might have missed 👍

[boltlightning]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by the wonderful @starsuncounted; thank you muchly <3

1. how many total works do you have on ao3? 54!

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 362,814. oy vey

3. what fandoms do you write for? these days, potc and final fantasy and assassin's creed now and then, though i generally write for whatever grabs my attention. remember when i wrote a fallout fic? wild

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? oh dear. let’s see:

a house, a hearth, a (s)holmes — the great ace attorney, 6k. a collection of missing scenes about iris watson and her silly little family.

good company — fullmetal alchemist, 9k. pre-canon, roy mustang recruits people for his team. (i wrote this when i was 19 and there's still a lot i like about it, but boy is it humbling to reread.)

benchfellows — final fantasy vii remake, >1k. a drabble about cloud and aerith fighting in the wall market colosseum.

heart & home — fullmetal alchemist, 5k. roy and riza visits roy's home both pre-ishval and post-canon.

sun hits the water — potc, 8k. james and elizabeth get married after the fact, and fall in love some. at the time of writing this post it's got these beautiful round numbers i am SO pleased

5. do you respond to comments? almost certainly. sometimes i won't on really old pieces or comments that don't really necessitate a reply, but i do my best :—)

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i trend more bittersweet than angsty; o sleeper (ff7, cloud/aerith) is one of the only ones i'd classify as TRULY angsty, everything else ends much higher.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? showing their versatility: slowly (ff7, also cloud/aerith) ends a little bittersweetly but the climax of this fic remains the sappiest, gushiest thing i've ever written

8. do you get hate on fics? i don't think i've gotten hate since the ff.net days and i'm grateful for it

9. do you write smut? a little, but nothing wild or worth posting. otherwise we're always fading to black or describing sex vaguely babey

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written? it's not my forte, per se, but the potc/temeraire universe is over 50k words and still will not let me go, so you could say i've dabbled.

11. have you had a fic stolen? / 12. have you had a fic translated? / 13. have you ever co-written a fic? no to all the above 🤪 (or...at least i hope, in the case of 11)

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? 8-year-old me was really onto something when she latched onto cloud/aerith with passion unrivaled to be honest. there is no use denying it

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have been working on a written version of the trespasser DLC for one of my dragon age characters for like.............three years now and it will never evolved past the five scenes i have scribbled down i'm afraid. the quarantine brainrot was real but it did not last

16. what are your writing strengths? i like to fancy myself good at description! and i'm very particular about flow and tone. there's nothing i won't do to maintain tone, even if it hurts to cut segments that don't fit

17. what are your writing weaknesses? alas, describing shit well means that i am terrible at stepping back and letting a scene breathe. i feel the need to explain stuff that doesn't need it, to my own detriment. and lately i just Cannot thread the needle with any transitions between scenes. someone come cure my yips it's extremely annoying balking at this

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? it CAN work but the only time i'm ever using it is if 1) i know someone who speaks the language, so i'm not making an ass of myself, or 2) it adds to the confusion of a scene in a meaningful way. rarely does it come up and rarely do i employ it

19. first fandom you wrote for? i'm sure it was kingdom hearts. the more things change, etc.

20. favorite fic you've written? the aforementioned potc/temeraire crossover aside...i could play coy here, but you KNOW it's steadfast & dependable (6k, potc, norribeth. but. it's complicated). she is my beautiful girlfriend and the concept continues to compel me on rereads

tagging @johnbly @thesumdancekid @graysongraysoff @antique-romantic if you're feelin it??? and also 🫵 you, the girl reading this

[rallamajoop]

Hi !! I've followed your fics across multiple fandoms, and I've always been really impressed by how quickly and consistently you're able to put out works. How are you able to write seemingly so quickly?! Do you use betas? Do you spend a lot of time planning, or are you more of a chapter by chapter writer? I'm always really fascinated by people's process. Thank you if you answer this, and have a good day!! :D

Well, thank you first of all ‒ it's always such an ego-boost to know anyone's following me across fandoms! But as for 'how I write so fast', I think 'seemingly' may be most of your answer. I do like to have some fic to post every week or so, but my consistency on that comes and goes. I've done okay so far this year, but only if you ignore the part where I posted nothing during the whole month of February, or in the entire last quarter of 2023 ‒ and there was a solid 6 month gap where I posted nothing back in 2022 as well.

Back before I hit my current stride in Witcher fandom a few years back, months or longer between fics was even more the norm for me. Productivity on the fic-writing front comes and goes in bursts for me for all sorts of reasons. But it's not unusual for several bits and pieces I've had not-quite-finished for months to end up getting posted close together though, even after I've been quiet for a while, which might help with the illusion I'm better at keeping up that schedule than is really accurate.

Even when I am actually managing to keep that weekly schedule, a lot of what I post is short (2K or less), and gets lumped together into anthology-fics like Spare Parts, Viscera or The Beast of Castle Heisenberg (and other stories) (which also saves on the minor hassle of thinking up proper titles for them all). Coming up with short concepts like that is something I've always enjoyed doing (going all the way back to my time in xxxHolic fandom over a decade ago). Occasionally, I'll come back later and expand them into something longer (another habit that started way back in Holic fandom, actually), but posting them as shorts means that at least I've posted something, even if the longer version never happens. Whenever a fic works as shorter chapters, I'll post it that way ‒ it's just easier to edit in smaller chunks (and I can't really overstate how big of a motivator positive feedback is for me, if it does go down well with people).

Obviously, not everything I post lends itself to being broken down ‒ smut particularly tends to require much longer scenes, but stories like that have often been in progress for months before they actually get posted. At 15K in a single chapter, Quarantine stands out as the longest thing I've posted in years that I couldn't find any way to break down into shorter pieces ‒ and I'd been working on that one on-and-off since around, oh, August last year? Having multiple different things in progress at once works for me, because if I'm not in the mood to work on one, maybe I'm more in the mood to work on another. I'll often bash out rough drafts of various parts of a few different ideas in one spell if I'm in a good mood to just sit down and write, then come back to finish and polish them later. A lot of my ideas build themselves around dialogue ‒ having a good sense of the characters' voices is really central to how I think about writing for them ‒ so a lot of scenes might start as just dialogue, and then I'll come back and flesh out the rest later.

Planning… really depends on the length of the fic? Sometimes you need to know exactly where a story is going just to figure out how to start it, other times you don't realise half of what's really going on in a scene until you're in the middle of actually writing it down. For example, I currently have about three more (very rough) chapters of Follow Me Home sitting in a word document, which is as much of that story as I had planned out in real detail ‒ the rest consists of scattered scenes I know I'm aiming for later on. But in the process of writing them, I realised more or less exactly what needs to happen in chapter 4, so that's encouraging ‒ we'll see where it goes from there.

For years now, I've done most of my writing on laptops ‒ before that, first drafts were mostly scribbled down by hand in notebooks. I own a desktop computer too, but that gets used for so much else (work, gaming, watching videos, etc etc) that I find it's useful to have a separate platform that's 'for' writing, that's portable, something I can curl up with in a beanbag with, and (crucially) presents less distractions. A notebook or a low-spec laptop (my current one is a tiny tablet computer) is also something I can get out on the bus on the way to work or in a cafe while waiting for a meal. I wouldn't say I do most of my writing out of the home like that, but it's definitely a long-established habit.

It does help that I've been writing long enough to be reasonably confident with the general process of sitting down to make a story happen. I'm reasonably lucky just having the time and energy to dedicate to all this fannish nonsense, and to have an enthusiastic beta-reader/BFF who's always encouraging about my work ‒ she's seriously a huge help (and probably too kind with her critiques, if anything). It has taken many years of doing this to get to the point where I can do something like (for a recent example) realise there's a week or two left before the a challenge deadline and go, "oh, sure, I can bash out a few thousand words worth of smut in that time to fill a treat for that prompt I liked." But as a rule, a posting rate of maybe a couple thousand words a week, not every week, isn't that much of an output (it's probably a lot more if you count all the fannish meta I churn out too, but I mostly don't think about that too much). But writing means a lot to me, even if it's mostly fannish nonsense that makes no money, so it's something I'll make time for.

If I've got any advice that might be useful to someone else, it's to suggest that getting yourself to write something is usually better than sitting on something you're blocked on, even if that does mean perpetually getting distracted by the shiny new idea instead of staying bogged down on the huge WIP you promised yourself you'd finish (and maybe you will come back to that WIP later, fresher for having given your brain a change of scene ‒ or maybe not, that's not the end of the world either). Short fic is fine, more words do not automatically make a story better, and unfinished WIPs are just a fact of fandom (or even original writing). Part of the joy of fanfic is that you can jump straight to the novel bits, trusting your readers already know who these people are and how the base story goes (seriously, the number of fics out there that spend chapter after chapter just retelling canon in prose form boggles my brain).

But like all writing advice, if that doesn't sound like it'd be useful advice to you, it probably isn't ‒ what works for people can be terribly individual. No-one's obligated to aim for a couple of thousand words per week (let alone per day, to hit NaNoWriMo or Stephen King levels of productivity) if they're just writing as a hobby.

And I hope you're having a good day too. *g*

[myersesque]

ok, more coherent post for you (spoilers for ep1 of the show AND the entirety of the first game):

i LOVE how they're handling the realism in this show so far, especially in regards to joel. everything from giving him n tess a slightly more realistic job (there's no way in hell they'd sneak in and out of quarantine zones Constantly without getting caught, and weapon smuggling somehow strikes me - an inexperienced person who has never held a gun before - as less believable), to actually acknowledging that what happened in the prologue was traumatic (not just through his nightmares, but the flashback he experiences at the sight of the guard's flashlight and gun, the less-than-wonderful coping mechanisms e.g. substance abuse, his tendency to lash out when upset), to even just showing him as A Normal Person before he becomes the protagonist (not just because it's sarah's pov, but because we see him eating breakfast and talking about his job and making dumb inside jokes long before there's a single infected on screen). as a professional joel miller enthusiast, i really appreciated how much it seems like they're trying to flesh out his character (as wonderfully-written as he always was, video games can't have cutscenes upon cutscenes of exposition and character development lest they bore the player), and his relationships with other characters (tess being the most noticeable for me - their relationship felt more heartfelt and genuine to me than it ever did in the game, though perhaps that's a personal taste thing).

my favourite bit of casual dialogue that i feel rlly meant a lot to joel's character was sarah remarking that she fixed his watch because "you'd never do it for yourself" - because joel, as much as he nearly forgets it before meeting ellie, is not nearly as selfish as he sometimes seems. he'd never fix his watch on his own, because he'd rather use the money on sarah. he'd never let the fireflies keep ellie, because he'd rather let the world - including himself - rot than let them hurt her.

tl;dr, i absolutely love this interpretation of joel so far. i can see areas where some people (especially those who wanted an exact replica of the games) might dislike him, but i for one could not be happier rn

[apopcornkernel]

poppy's watched cdramas

與君歌 stand by me/dream of chang'an

i... did not finish this drama 😭 i only watched this because my mom was watching it and we were stuck in quarantine together, so. it was fun i guess but ultimately mid

蒼蘭決 love between fairy and devil

loved it, the ending was a little too abrupt for me but it still ended well! lived for the villain romance, had so much fun booing changheng (sorry), had even more fun staring at dylan wang's cheekbones. also i love how ride or die the main couple is for each other, it's absolutely not one-sided in that regard which <3 yes. and also episodes 30(?) to 36 i cried nonstop it was so cathartic. episode 35 specifically....... aha

琉璃 love and redemption

STUPIDLY long and rather cringe at times im not even gonna lie but the main characters had me by the THROAT i could not stop watching. yu sifeng is so so so unfairly pretty with bangs and chu xuanji in god of war mode,,,, i lvoe her sm. i loved how the gender roles of a typical cdrama relationship was more or less flipped, with sifeng always being the damsel in distress (not even joking or exaggerating about this one) and xuanji being the badass hero. i feel like a lot of cdramas tend to say their female mc is the hero and stuff but then in execution its ALWAYS the male lead saving the mc from danger and its just,,, idk i'm a little tired of it so i like that chu xuanji exists <3 and fuck haochen

傳聞中的陳芊芊 the romance of tiger and rose

REALLY REALLY GOOD one of the most perfect dramas ive ever watched. cinematography really high quality, an mc that i never got annoyed at and is so lovable, a petty murder cat love interest who is unfairly handsome at every angle. i was smiling and giggling with every episode. it's the true definition of a happy pill. i only wish Those 2 Specific Scenes did not exist

星落凝成糖 the starry love

i did not finish this 😭 i onyl watched it because it was the only thing i had downloaded on my phone. i don't recommend it tbh, sorry, the concept was interesting but the execution didn't do it for me. it was also really obvious how low budget it was and the acting & writing didn't really make up for it enough so,,,

今夕何夕 twisted fate of love

THIS IS THE BEST CDRAMA IVE EVER WATCHED I KNOW IM BEING SUBJECTIVE BUT LET ME BE SUBJECTIVE THIS IS MY BLOG okay okay so general travels back eight years to stop a great war but unfortunately she lands smack dab into feng xi's residence, who is an ally of the Bad Guy and very morally grey politician who will not hesitate to kill people for his goals. she keeps trying to assassinate feng xi's ally (the Bad Guy) meanwhile feng xi is just trying to put a ring on it. they are SO so funny and you KNOW i love villain(ish) romance so i ADORED this cdrama even though it was objectively mid and even though the last episode was trash. I DONT CARE i will defend this one with my life JUST WATCH IT im very incoherent ik but in my defense it's kinda hard to explain just trust me

星漢燦爛 love like the galaxy

currently watching!! it has zhao lusi who i trust with any drama, and the cinematography is great! some of ling buyi's dialogue i dont like but im still on board the main ship,,, i think i wouldve liked lou yao but i keep remembering he's daole from twisted fate of love and it jars me so bad.... also i have this thing where i automatically boo the second/third leads so really lou yao had no chance im sorry 😔 i find it really funny how obviously down bad ling buyi is update: i dropped this drama :(( i got all the way to episode 20 something and then i just couldn't be bothered to continue, i was honestly bored :((((

雲之羽 my journey to you

my sister rec'd this drama to me and oh man i tried. i was so ready to be hooked. but i just couldn't. like, it had gorgeous cinematography and beautiful costuming and i was happily surprised to realize the leads were clj's changheng and xiaolanhua, but omfg gong ziyu (changheng) pisses me off so bad he's like omg guys im an underdog they all hate me im struggling so bad i'm being oppressed etc etc AND THEN HE'S BEING OPPRESSED FOR BEING A RICH BABAERO NA PALAGING NAGBABAR LIKE BE SO FOR REALLL also shangguan qian and gong yuanzhi's scenes are infinitely more interesting than anyone else's, their one battle of wits already had me more interested than the entirety of the previous 5 episodes... and then when it switches back to include shangjue or gong ziyu or yun weishan i immediately feel all my energy get sapped. like they're so boring it hurts fgksjhg and the way yun weishan and gong ziyu speak don't help at all it's like 有時候……我也……睡不着…… DO NOT WASTE MY TIME LIKE THIS AND ALSO PLEASE SPEAK NORMALLY so yeah i got fed up by episode 6 and dropped it despite my sister's urging

天盛長歌 the rise of phoenixes

started watching this right after i dropped my journey to you BECAUSE FUCK YOU i swear that cdrama made me see cdramas as a chore again. anyways im loving it. ning yi looked so miserable in the first episode which is a great portend for things to come, and feng zhiwei is great i love her already and the cinematography is not bad as well, i'm just worried i'll get lost on the machinations and everything but i'm still having fun so far anyways hehe update from episode 19 or something!! i'm really enjoying it this is so good!!!! a little slower paced so if that's not your thing be warned but i am really liking it hehe

[scary-senpai]

Would love to hear more about you & me & a high balcony!

Gahh! Thank you so much for the ask. (Original link is here, if anyone wants to join or reblog.)

So, “you & me & a high balcony” is one of the fics I drafted when I was teaching myself to write again. So it's awkward and striving (mostly in the right direction), and still pretty rough--I started writing it in 2020, I haven't really touched it since 2021, and I have learned a whole lot since then. At the same time, it is a fic that is near to my heart and I'm grateful for the opportunity to talk about it! <3

“you & me & a high balcony” is about Genos taking Garou home for the first time--why? tbd! I wrote probably about 100k words of various interconnected fics without fully committing to the unifying concept or plot and I will never, ever do that again. Probably.

Anyway, Genos takes Garou home and neglects to fully inform Saitama. You are getting my draft in its fully unedited glory.

Saitama’s cactus is on the balcony and it is a very, very painful experience for him. In keeping with running canon gags, Saitama is absolutely powerless against this ickle, stationary cactus and he finds himself in an ongoing fight with it, almost immediately. He also gets totally entangled in Genos' camping gear, but put a pin in that, we'll come back to it.

What follows is a series of interspersed scenes between Genos and Garou inside the apartment, Saitama making strange noises outside, Genos fabricating excuses and lying (poorly), and Genos occasionally stepping out on the balcony pretending to be Genos (because, again, Saitama is wrapped up like a sad sandwich in an unpitched camping tent.) In retrospect, it's very clear how much I miss writing for stage, because it feels a bit like an homage to Noises Off (but, you know, prose).

In the spirit of adventure, I am sending an unedited screenshot. With comments boxes! I haven't re-read it in years because I'm too nervous, but you can!

“CW” doesn’t necessarily stand for content warning but I guess it certainly could? CW is an abbreviation of my name so it’s how I highlight “shit I need to go back and figure out.” Being older and wiser, most of my drafts are now just bullet points for me to come back to later, when I have a coherent, unifying thought for the story/fic/series. It has saved me a lot of screaming and tears.

Anyway, Saitama keeps moving the cactus into the apartment. Garou keeps moving it back. Genos has no idea what the fuck is happening, but it’s the least of his problems. Eventually it leads to Saitama and Garou having a heart-to-heart (and agreeing not to tell Genos they met) and, idk, man, I love writing Genos x Garou a lot, but (Platonic) Garou + Saitama scenes are my absolute favorite. I just give them my ideal relationship, which is All of the Hijinks and None of the Sex with someone who finishes your sentences, but all the sentences are puns.

I started drafting the story in 2020, and anything I wrote in 2020 chronicles my descent into madness— inadvertently & indirectly. Suffice to say, quarantine was hitting me very hard and a lot of my behavior was centered around making myself laugh. My serotonin starved brain had a tendency to overload scenes with jokes. Even if they didn’t fit, even if they threw off the pacing. But stories and scenes need to have cohesive plots and it’s silly, to the point of being out of character. Sometimes that's part of the process, though. There's always a lot of love in the first draft of a story, I think, because it's a leap of faith.

I had written a litany of things that embarrassed me about this draft, I deleted it. So I'll share one of the things that I am proud of coming up with--I don't play a lot of video games. I needed a fighting game for King and Saitama to play during a stint of dialogue (the outcome of which involves King lending Saitama Hatoful Boyfriend so that Genos can practice dating (and also he does not trust Saitama with any of his beloved Doki Doki sims). So I thought of the one game I played a lot as a kid (Super Smash Bros) and combined it with something I do know really well (literature) and came up, um, this:

The Body Electric is near to my heart because it was a major part of my writing journey. It was also a major part of my writing journey where I learned a lot, mostly by making mistakes. Granted, it remains largely unpublished so I failed in gracefully private but it is really important to me to finish it one day.

Thank you so much for the ask!