#but Jesus this is like pulling teeth
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buildoblivion · 6 months ago
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I won’t hear a word against season 3 again at least it was actually fun
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scattered-winter · 3 months ago
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these fuckers need to EMAIL ME BACK before I END UP ON THE NEWS ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
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spurgie-cousin · 1 day ago
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This synopsis got me:
“Meri asks the church for a release from her marriage to Kody. Gabe opens up to Janelle about his relationship with his father. Christine is excited for her second date with David. Mykelti reveals she ate her placenta.”
LOL that got me too even though I've seen that episode. This season of Sister Wives has been so goddamn boring and repetitive that TLC will lean into anything new so hard, like Mykelti's pregnancy, God....... that made up at least a handful of episodes when it truly could've been tackled in one, so they made stuff like the placenta major plot points.
And placenta eating aside, TLC you better getting back to making this stupid show in a sensible way bc how are you going to make us wait for *years* for shit this boring 😭 they also did ANOTHER episode about Christine's wedding, in addition to making almost every episode leading up to it about it, even though they did a big special back in 2023 when it happened. Like we've seen all this shit already. It's such a snooze fest
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menlove · 9 days ago
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feminist lit classes are hell bc they always make you read the awakening and the thing about the awakening is that it sucks.
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princehendir · 4 months ago
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This unrelated video essay I'm watching brought up jjba as an example and when the guy referred to dio kissing erina as a sexual assault I felt an immediate sense of validation and relief.
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cfrick · 7 months ago
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Open wide 😊
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a-concert-just-for-me · 22 days ago
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4 more sections to go……on this one paper……….
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vee-thebee · 1 year ago
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look i understand that jonathan majors was trying his hardest to make kang seem unconfident and insecure talking in front of a large crowd especially following the showcase and making him look very awkward speaking to people because he’s just some weird nerd but oh my fucking god if that scene didn’t end when it did i was going to figure out a way to time travel to go to the set and beat him over the head for pausing every two fucking seconds GET YOUR WORDS OUT FOR FUCKS SAKE
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firelise · 11 months ago
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New take the fucking gun and do it yourself, put me out of my misery PLEAse
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zhuhongs · 2 years ago
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man....
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eatyourdamnpears · 2 years ago
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siblings stop being selfish challenge
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magpigment · 1 year ago
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do you guys think jesus, the son of a carpenter, smelt the wood of the cross & temporarily thought of home
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alittleemo · 8 months ago
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final update of the day
pros; got to finish my book (joy luck club), and movie (love simon) on the flight, gf meals they gave me were actually good, PIZZA I COULD EAT !!!!!!!, did some sketching, and wrote a LOT for my challengers fic
neg; lost my cookies i got in the airport AND the little snack they gave me </3, my dog fell off the counter and lost a tooth, watched a huge fight in the customs line, and my sisters suitcase was left in france
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succubusvalentine · 7 days ago
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Butcher!Simon Riley watching you fuck up wagyu. CW : bad steak cooking. Fluff.
He’s trying to hold himself back, lovie. He swears it. But Jesus Christ you’re handling that Wagyu he procured horribly.
He felt his stomach twist as you didn't let it sit. Then it twisted even more as you over seasoned it.
"Baby, are you sure you don't want me to cook dinner?" Simon gritted out.
"No! No no, Si. You always work so hard" you reassure with that sweet smile that completely melted Simon into a puddle of goo.
Simon doubled his glass of whiskey as he watched you turn the heat up too high on the stovetop. But you looked so happy and proud of yourself as you burnt seared the wagyu.
After a while, Simon clutched his glass tightly as you cut the wagyu with the grain. Not against it.
You put the plate in front of Simon, and while the mash and roast vegetables were delicious. The wagyu...not so much. As soon as Simon took a bite, it was like trying to chew through a tire. You definitely overcooked it. And the seasoning was...well, it wasn't great.
"Good?" you asked hopefully.
"Absolutely delicious, lovie" Simon smiled. Lying through his God damn teeth. He couldn't bring himself to dampen how proud of yourself you were.
You sat across from Simon and cut into your steak, taking a bite, only to immediately grimace and force it down.
"Jesus Christ don't eat it" you grimace with a whine, taking Simon's plate as he chuckled. "Why didn't you tell me it was bad?!"
"You looked so proud of yourself, sweetheart. I didn't wanna make you pout"
"I am never touching wagyu again. You're making it next time...And we're ordering pizza"
Simon chuckled as you pouted, ordering the pizza as he pulled you into his lap. "It was a real sweet thought, lovie" he hummed as he rubbed your stomach, laughing again as you glare at him playfully.
But don't worry, the following night Simon made the best steak you'd ever eaten.
⛧°. ⋆𓌹♰𓌺⋆. °⛧
this was heavily self indulgent because I can make a mean mash potato, but any meats? I am HORRIBLE.
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gojosprettyprincess · 3 months ago
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Both are twenty, degradation n praise, overstimulation. reader is cockdrunk n has a high sex drive :3 Not proofread!!!.
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“S’good Yujiii Soo good, Mmm! Can feel your cock throbbing inside of me, ohh fuckkk!” you moaned out through gritted teeth, too caught up enjoying how deliciously his achy, abused cock was repeatedly curving into your sensitive g-spot over and over just the exact way you intended it to. You can’t even remember how long it’s been and well frankly you don’t really care. Too distracted by the overwhelming pleasure you're receiving by frantically bouncing your ass on his swollen cock.
“F-fuckkk, you’re so greedy baby Goddd, you look so sexy like this!” he huffed, letting out breathless curse—his fingernails digging into the plushy sides of your bouncing ass as goosebumps and adrenaline coursed through his bulging veins. He’s trying his very fucking best to keep up with you but God you were killing him. It got so bad that you’re more of a filthy sex fiend than he was in the past few overestimating days. Not that he was complaining but the way you’d randomly grab him by the shirt—fucking wrinkling it and pulling him into the clustered janitor closet just to feel his hard dick in your slobbering cunt at school with him pushed up against the cool wall and you manically throwing your bouncing ass back at him eagerly like little cock-hungry slut—forcing every last drop of cum from his thick balls to drain out into your horny pussy then pouncing on him four more times throughout the day at home has become a bit overwhelming…he’s trying his best to keep up with your crazy ass sex drive but fuck he was shooting blanks at this point.
His sweat-covered pinky bangs tickled his forehead as the moonlight from the illumining window glistened onto his milky abs. He bit his lips so many times that he probably ruined his gums by now, in a futile attempt to restrain his perverted urges at the way your tits were bouncing in fast circles. He’s sooo tempted to grab and fondle them but it’s like he can’t even control his own fucking body.
“Ohooo fuck! You’re stretching me so good around you Yuji, fuck I love you—Looove your cock so muchhh baby!” You cried out, tears welling up in your eyes as his pink tuffs of slick covered pubic hair grazes against your sticky clit—making the pleasure even more intense as more and more creamy rings formed at the base of his pretty cock.
They were hearts in Yuji’s eyes seeing just how much his little horny slut of a girlfriend was creaming on him, seeing you so desperate and addicted to his cock like a brainless zombie whore unlocked something primal inside of him that he never thought existed. He fucking loved being your human dildo to fuck yourself on, the thought of it made his cock throb feverishly right against your gushing, gummy walls.
“Jesus–mmmph! You’re such a nasty slut. Ohh shit-, is my cock all you ever fucking think about baby? bet you couldn't even last a day without my cock being up this needy, little pussy yeah?” His groans along with his filthy mouth filled the air as he gropes both of your fleshy ass cheeks—his fingers purposely kneading into it pervertedly as he feels you up like a creep.
You felt the mushroom tip of his length brushing against the depths of your cervix as you clamped around him harder, you playfully smirked down at him as you bent down slightly towards him to grab his biceps—moaning sweetly as you felt them flexing against your touch. “Y-yess! Need your cock inside of me at all times Yuji, gonna make me lose my mind, hnngh!”
“Yeahhh? My cock making you that dumb baby??” His sultry voice is weighed with exhaustion as he grants you a fucked-out smile. “Yuji, Yuji m’gonna cum again, fuckfuckfuck yessss!”
You continued bouncing faster and faster—grinding your hips against him fervently in the process to make it even more intense causing you to spasm around his girth, you can’t see it, but you are 100% sure his entire cock is covered in your cream. You can feel it.
Your head falls back, the strands of your hair cascading down like a waterfall. your lips parting to release loud, needy moans that mingled in the air as Yuji gazed up at you in awe, seeing you like this was one of his favorite things. You were such a mindless slut for his dick and he enjoyed it.
“I- m’cummming!” You cried out in a certain tone that was like filthy music to his ears, your cunt pulsated around his jumpy cock as streams of liquid gushed out of you, spurting every fucking where, on the bed sheets, spattering on Yuji’s abs, his thighs everywhere. Your body trembles as you try to process everything. You fucking came and squirted at the same time.
“Did you just-“
“I-“ was all you could let out before you felt the wind getting knocked out of you as Yuji suddenly gripped your branded ass that’s filled with his handprints and lifted his legs up a bit, thrusting with constrained force and fucking his throbbing, soaked cock into you with vigor. The lewd, nasty sound of “plah plah plah!” reverberated throughout the room your hands clutching the pillows tightly beside him, overwhelmed by the intense sensations.
“Yujiii, stop fuck! Too much—tooo muchh” you screamed in a frenzy. your thighs shivering as he relentlessly thrust deeper, splitting open your cunt even more with his animalistic pace. His pistoning cock brushes further against your sweet spots as it twitches inside of you. His poor, fucked out cock sooo desperate to cum.
“Such a lil fucking slut for squirting on me like that baby—God I’m gonna stuff you sooo full after this, it’ll be entwined into your slutty fucking brains”
You were so fucked out you couldn’t even fucking register what the hell he was babbling about.
It was so fucking nasty and hot, the scent of raw sex filled the air as both of your moans echoed throughout the room, at this point your eyes were rolling to the back of your skull in ecstasy as you were being overstimulated, your pussy pouring more juices onto his cock as beads of sweat glistened on his entire body.
“M’cumming m’cumming m’cumming Godddd love this fucking pussy!!” His hoarse voice exclaimed as he bit his lips, thick gooey ropes of warm cum filling up your womb as the two of you cried out in unison. You were so full, every inch of your pussy was stuffed so full of just Yuji, Yuji, Yuji. You’d be surprised if you weren’t actually braindead from his cock by now.
Your body collapsed on his sticky skin and you landed on his toned chest. both of you attempt to regulate your breaths as you cockwarmed his soft cock. Unfortunately Succumbing to exhaustion, you both drifted off to sleep in that position but within the next three hours, you were fucking him again.
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thundersoothers · 1 month ago
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john price, his wife, and... the dog (derogatory)
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who: John Price x wife!reader
what: inspired by this thought about john price being an absolutely softie for his wife. continued here!
word count: 2.4k
warnings: mentions of cheating but it’s NOT TRUE! you’ll see… just fluff that reallyyyyy makes me want to marry this man.
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It’s 2AM on a Saturday in the summer when John Price thinks he hears his wife cheating on him. 
“Shhh!!  You have to be quiet, you’ll wake up my husband.” 
He opens his heavy eyes to see the TV paused at the end credits of some movie he can’t even remember the name of.  The screen reflects in the crystal of the empty rocks glass on the coffee table next to his feet, holding only a warm whiskey stone.  
He groans and stretches, his old t-shirt riding up to show a dark happy trail disappearing into low-waisted flannel pajama pants.  He has one sock on with a hole in the toe.  You told him to get rid of them and got him a pack of 20 of the same sock (he’s very particular about his socks), but he still wears these ones, anyway. 
“Stop moving, I’m trying to concentrate here.  Damn lock… can never— oh, shit.  Heh. Wrong key.” 
He can hear you muttering and giggling and the scratch of the key against the lock as you struggle to get it in. 
It’s your girls’ night and he likes to wait up for you to make sure you get in safely.  He saw you off around 8PM, pouring himself a glass of whiskey as you took a shot of tequila.  You planted a big kiss on his cheek, leaving a red lipstick mark that he didn’t bother to fully wipe off. 
“Sorry, I know you’re eager to get inside.  I bet you’re so cold, all naked.  Here, you can go in my dress, is that better?  Fu—ow!  Don’t bite my tit, Jesus!  Sharp teeth…” 
Price suddenly feels much more awake.  He pushes himself up from the couch and starts to walk to the foyer. 
“This damn door… ah!  There we go.” 
The door creaks open and he hears you tiptoe inside in your heels (wearing heels and tiptoeing—are two actions that are mutually exclusive, especially when you’re plastered). 
“Remember, we have to be quiet.  My husband waits for me to get home, we don’t want to wake him up.  He’s very nice, you see, but he can’t know you’re here.” 
Apparently, you have gotten home safely—with an extra guest who just bit at your tit.  And you’re being louder than your guest, who you keep telling to be quiet. 
“My husband is gonna be soooo mad.  He’s gonna be so mad at me, but once he sees how cute you are, I think he’ll forgive me.  He’ll understand.  I had to.  I just had to!” 
He hears rustling as he gets closer to the foyer, you fumbling around in the dark. 
“Stay there, don’t move, okay?  Stay, yeah?  You know that, don’t you?  Mummy will teach you if not.  Just stay right there.  Lemme get these damn heels off…” 
There’s an odd sound of something quickly clicking on hardwood floor that makes his eyebrows furrow, and then you gasp—
“Wait, don’t run—“ 
Bang! 
You groan loudly. 
Price flicks on the lights.
You’re lying face down on the rug.  You have one heel on.  The second heel is twisted around your other foot—what you fell over.  Your little dress is flipped up over your ass and your arms are outstretched. 
“You okay there, love?” John asks, torn between amusement and concern. You just groan.  “Sounded like you fell pretty hard.” 
��I tripped,” you say into the rug, sounding very sad. 
“You hurt?” he asks.  “Anything broken?”
You shake your head and curl up a little.  “I’ll just sleep here.” 
He laughs softly.  “Come on, none of that.” 
“It’s so comfortable.  I’ll just—“ 
There’s that clicking sound again and he’s almost startled by the abruptness of your movement.  You push yourself up with one arm, stretch the other out and fucking snatch the quick-moving little brown blob that’s moving toward you.  You pull it to your chest and cradle it, shielding it from John’s view. 
He blinks. “What you got there, love?” he asks after a second. 
“Nothing,” you say innocently. 
“Right.”  He crosses his arms, looking you over.  “Who were you talking to just now?” 
“No one,” you say quickly.  “Myself.” 
“Right,” John says again slowly. “Show me what you have.” 
You look over your shoulder up at him through your lashes, vision blurry.  “No.  You’re gonna be mad.” 
“Just show me.” 
“Promise you won’t be mad.” 
He sighs.  “I won’t be mad.”  You give him a look.  He sighs again.  You’re wasted—he can tell by your eyes. They’re unfocused and heavy.  “Promise.  Now show me.” 
You look down at whatever you’re holding to your chest.  “Okay,” you whisper (to your tits?), “you need to be very well-behaved, okay?  No biting, please.  Be very nice for Daddy so he will like you, okay?  Can you do that?  Yes?  Okay.” 
You glance up at John again over your shoulder and then turn yourself around in a very clumsy movement.  Then, as if presenting whatever it is like you’re Mufasa from the Lion King, you lift it up in the air toward your husband. 
It’s a puppy. 
It’s quiet. 
The little dog wriggles in your hands, wagging his tail so hard his whole body shakes.  He barks up at John, high pitched.  A small pink tongue lolls out of his mouth. 
It’s still quiet. 
You lower the dog a little so you can look up at John.  “You said you wouldn’t be mad!” 
“I’m not mad,” John says, sounding mad. 
“You look mad.” 
“I’m not mad,” he says again.  “It’s just… dirty.” 
You gasp.  “He’s not dirty!” you exclaim, sounding offended on behalf of the dog.  You pull him to your chest.  “He’s just a little mangey, you see.  But that’s okay.  It can be fixed.  You know—they have medicine for that.  Or lotion, or whatever it is.  He’s very nice, John, I swear.  I know he’s a little… skrunkly but he’s very cute and—ow!  That’s my hair, no biting Mummy, please.” 
“You’re already calling yourself his Mummy?” he asks, bemused, eyebrow raised at you.  Yep.  You’re fucking wasted. 
“Yes, and you’re his Daddy.”  You hold the dog up again, this time facing him toward you.  “I think you’re very cute, puppy. You’ll grow on Daddy.  Just be very good for him, you can do that, can’t you?  Yes, you can.”  You whisper, as if John isn’t standing right there, “We’ll wear him down. Don’t worry.”
“I thought it was something else,” Price says. 
“What did you think it was?” you ask, not looking away from the dog.
“Where did you find it?” he asks instead of answering. 
This is much better than what his traitorous mind momentarily supplied.  You, cheating? As if.
How silly of him to even think that. For a moment, his stomach twists with the guilt of doubting you. He should have known better. 
Of course it’s this.  What else could it have been?
A puppy. 
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A puppy! 
“Oh, hello, there.” 
You crouch down in your dress and heels and hold out your hand to the little puppy emerging from the bushes by the side of the road. 
“What are you doing here, all alone?  Come here, love, I won’t hurt you.  Come on, puppy, come to me.  Yeahhh, there we go.  Oh, look at you.  You’re so cute.  You’re all mangey, though.  Oh,” you say pitifully, “you little baby.” 
You’re drunk as fuck at 2AM on a Saturday in the summer, halfway through your walk home from the bar, squatting in the middle of a back road in England, about to cry while petting this puppy clumsily—but he doesn’t seem to mind.  He wags his tail and nips at your fingers. 
“Where’s your Mummy?  You shouldn’t be out here all alone.  No collar… oh, goodness, what should I do with you?  I don’t want to leave you.  I’m not sure what to do.” 
He barks at you, high pitched. 
You nod at him seriously.  “Oh, yes, good point.”  He barks again.  “Mhm.  Yes, yes.  I thought so, too.  Exactly right.” 
He runs in a circle around you. 
“What are you, a month?  You should be with your Mum, you shouldn’t be all alone.  Oh, you little baby, you must be so scared.”  (He’s wagging his tail.) 
“It’s so cold.”  (It’s summer.) 
“Maybe you can come home with me?”  (Your husband would be so mad.) 
“Yes,” you decide.  “You’ll come home with me.”  (Your husband is going to be so mad.) 
That’s how you end up stumbling home with a puppy in your arms, rambling to him about yourself and your life. 
“Well, puppy, my name is Mrs. Price.  I’m from around here.  I live in a nice three bedroom house with my husband, I think you’ll like it very much.  It’s very cute. He let me decorate it. He doesn’t understand feng shui, you see. You should see his office, puppy, it’s so bland. No taste for interior design.”
“Our house is only 10 more minutes away.  See that big tree there?  That means we only have 10 minutes left until we’re home.  I’m not great with street names, you see, so I go by landmarks.”  He barks.  “Yes, yes, you get it.” 
“Anyway.  So, I’m—stop wiggling please, Mummy’s going to drop you—I’m married to a very nice man named John.  I love him very much.  You’ll like him, too,” you tell him seriously, “he’s very likable.  I like lots of things about him, puppy.  Actually, I like everything about him.” 
“He says I can’t have a dog, though.  He says it’s for my own good—booooo. Boo! But maybe we can sneak you in.  What do you think, puppy?  Should we do that?  I think we should do that.  We’ll have to be very quiet, though.  Very quiet.” 
“John waits for me to get home safely—he’s so nice, he’s so kind to me, I love him sooooo much—but we have to make sure not to wake him up. This is one of them—uh, covert operations. He’s very well-versed in those. My husband is very talented, puppy, he’s a Captain. So we’ll have to be extra careful.”
And that’s how you end up trying to sneak into your own house and then trip over your shoe and fucking slam! your face on the rug. 
“Where did you find it?” John asks you as you sit on the floor after you presented the dog to him.
“On the way home from the bar, kind of my that big tree.” 
“By Notting Street?” 
You furrow your eyebrows.  “Notting Str—I dunno.  Maybe?  I just know the big tree.  The one with all the branches.” 
“‘The one with all the branches,’” he repeats, nodding slowly.  “Right.” 
“But he was there all alone so I took him home.  I couldn’t leave him, John, he’s so little.  And he’s very cute, look at his little ears?  And his little feet?  His toes are soooo small.  His little teeth are sharp, though—like a shark.  Fuckin’ hurt, he almost bit my tit off.” 
“Yeah, I heard.” 
“You heard?  Oh.  I was trying to be quiet.  I didn’t want to wake you up.” 
He smiles at you.  “I know.” 
You smile back. 
“Give me the dog.” 
You frown.  “No.” 
“The dog, please.” 
“No.”  You hold him tighter.  “You’ll take him from me.” 
“Well,” he says, “yes.” 
You sigh heavily.  “Be gentle.”  You hand him to John and he takes him in one hand and holds him out, frowning, as if it’s offended him. 
A puppy. 
“Can we keep him?” you ask hopefully. 
He glances at you and then back to the puppy and then back to you and then back to the puppy.  “No.” 
“Please?” 
“No.” 
“But…”  You trail off and he looks back down at you.  You’re starting to tear up. 
“Oh—love, don’t cry.” 
“He’s so little and soft and nice and he’s all mangey and he’s all alone and he’s just a little baby and…” 
“Okay, okay, darling, we can keep him.” 
(By that, he means you’ll talk about it tomorrow when you’re sober, and by ‘talk about it’, he means, ‘no.’) 
“Really?!” you gasp.  
The way your face fucking lights up makes John pause.  For a second, he almost feels like he lost his balance.
“Oh, John, really?  Oh, thank you so much!  Puppy, did you hear that?  Daddy said yes!  See, he’s very nice, just like I told you, remember?  He’s very nice and kind and he’s very handsome and I love him very much, and I—“ 
“The dog can’t understand you.” 
“You don’t know that,” you say defensively.
He looks down at you. “Right.”
You stare up at him, standing over you as you sit on the floor.  “How are you handsome even from this angle?”  You frown deeper.  “Stupid face,” you mutter. 
“What was that?” 
“Nothing.” 
“Let’s get you up.” 
“I’m so comfortable.” 
“Hand.”  He tucks the dog under his arm and extends his other hand toward you.  He crooks his long, thick fingers at you.  “Now.” 
You look between his hand and his face, and then slip your hand into his. 
“Good girl.”
He fucking yanks you up and, in one movement that’s somehow graceful, bends down and throws you over his shoulder. 
He, naturally, slaps your ass and you squeal.  “Hey!!” 
You kick your feet (still with only one heel on) and he laughs, resting his hand on your hip, heavy fingers digging into the plush of your butt, as he makes his way up the stairs with you on his shoulder and the dog in his hand. 
Gently, he drops you onto the bed and you fall back with an oof! and stare up at him. 
“Well,” Price drawls, “aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” 
You grin.  “I missed you.” 
“I missed you, too.”  He takes off your shoe (singular), your dress, and your makeup as you hold the dog, curled up, on your chest. 
“You’re so good to me, John,” you say, your eyes closed.  “I’m so lucky.  I don’t know how I got so lucky.  And, you, puppy,” you mumble, petting him slowly, “you’re so lucky, too.  You’re about to have the best Daddy in the world.  He’s so good to us.” 
“‘Puppy’ is asleep,” John says.  “And,” he adds, scooping him up in one hand, “puppy is not sleeping in the bed.” 
You just groan, too tired and drunk to argue. 
He holds the dog out in the air again, turning him around and upside down to examine him.  He yips and wriggles in his hands, but John shushes him.  “Hush now.  Your Mummy is asleep.”  He shakes his head and sighs.  “What am I going to do with you?” 
He takes the dog to the bathroom and puts him down on the floor. His paws slip a little on the cold tile. John puts his hands on his hips, staring down at the dog.  “I can’t believe this.”
He reaches over to turn on the heated floor (which he got installed for you) and says to the dog, “You are so, so damn lucky I love your Mummy.” 
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In the morning, despite John Price’s best efforts to say no to you, you end up convincing him to keep the dog. He’s a military Captain but the pleading of his wife is enough to make him crumble.
The happiness on your face when he finally says yes, makes him wonder why he ever said no in the first place.
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note: thank you for reading! this is my first time posting in years–and in a totally new fandom. thank you for your patience and your support. let me know your thoughts! merry christmas!
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posted 12.26.2024. revised 01.02.2025.
do not repost or modify any of my original words on any other platform.
to masterlist.
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