#but IM happy with it and I’m glad to finally finish a project fully

[mfdragon]

Good Vlad Finale coming this Friday ✨

🫵🏻 👁️ 👁️

[megamett44-lover]

YAY IM SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO WRITE!!!

can you write something about matt helping the reader de-stress from school or work? i’m studying for summer finals rn so this is hitting close to home

MWAH ILY! This is so cute!

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: In which Matt helps the reader with an overly stressful finals week

Warnings/Notes: Mentions of stress/anxiety, profanity, she/her pronouns

Requested? Yes!

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤

It was the time of year that seemed to drive every college student crazy; finals week. With all of the projects, papers, and extra credit, I felt as if I was drowning in school work.

As I sat at the desk in my room, surrounded by what seemed to be mountains of books and papers, I felt my brain beginning to go numb as the words I was reading blurred.

“Fuck,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. I stared down at my study sheet, staring for so long that the words began to not even look like real words.

I felt the skin of my thumb sting, realizing I had been absentmindedly picking at the skin surrounding my cuticle. To say finals were stressing me out was an understatement.

I had been holed up in my room for days studying. I had barely even spoken to my friends, let alone my boyfriend, Matt. He had known I would be stressed this week, so I prepared him to barely hear from me. It was killing me not hanging out with him, but it was for the sake of my grades.

As I tried to refocus myself, I fidgeted in my seat. Everything in my body was telling me this was pointless; no matter how much I studied, it wouldn’t do me any good. I groaned, slamming my book shut and pinching the bridge of my nose. Suddenly, I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door.

“Knock knock, pizza delivery!” Matt said, entering my room holding a large pizza. He looks over at me, sitting in my own personal pity party. “Hey, you okay?” He asked.

I smile, immediately happy to see him. “Yeah, just stressed.” I say, motioning towards my messy desk.

“Bet so,” He says, walking over towards me and draping his arms over my shoulders. “Haven’t seen you this week, I missed you.” He places a soft kiss to the top of my head.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He asks, looking over me to my desk.

I chuckle. “Maybe you can help me solve this?” I ask, pointing to an overly hard math problem that no one will ever actually use.

His eyes go wide. “You know I didn’t go to college, right?” He laughs.

I smile. “Yeah, it was a long shot.” I pause. “Maybe you could just distract me for the rest of the evening?”

Matt grins. “That, I can help with!” He grabs my hand and leads me to my bed. “Pick out a movie.” He instructs, tossing me the remote. He searches my room for a moment, before picking up one of my throw blankets.

“What’re you doing?” I ask.

He tosses the blanket over my desk, covering my books and papers. “Out of sight, out of mind.” He declares proudly.

Matt then crawls onto the bed next to me, opening the pizza box. I ended up settling on ‘Grown Ups’, seeing as it was one of my comfort movies.

“Here,” Matt covers us up with a blanket and offers me a slice of pizza. He opens his arms for me to lay in before grabbing a slice of pizza for himself.

I finish my pizza, before slowly sinking down into the bed fully, relaxing for the first time in a week. Matt rubs my head that lays on his chest as we watch the movie.

“How’s this for a distraction?” He asks.

I look up at him, a small smile on my face. “Best distraction ever.”

“Good.” He says. “You stress yourself out too much, you’re gonna be fine. Promise.” He pulls me closer to him for extra reassurance.

With the warmth of the bed and the methodical rhythm of Matt’s heartbeat, my eyes grew heavy. I smiled, thankful for this peaceful moment, as I felt myself start to sink into the tendrils of sleep.

“My sweet girl…” I hear Matt whisper right before going under, as he pushed the hair back out of my face.

[thedeathdeelers]

https://www.tumblr.com/xiaofengs/751645650747326464?source=share

Helloo! I just finished lovely runner like 2 days ago and the way it has grabbed me by the throat uffff

I just wanted to talk about this scene and the way he calls out for Sol (also how it's someone else but he thinks it's Sol eeeeeeekkkkkk!!!!) Just the pure devastation on his face, like look at his eyes man!!! I'm trying so hard not to start my rewatch right away 😭😭

(Also i just went through your blog and liked a bunch of stuff because I'm obsessed with the show and I need to cope 😂😅)

My friend was pushing me to watch it for a while but I just couldn't find the time to watch it. And I was a bit apprehensive at the first episode but then- but then, they showed how he liked her firsttttt!!!!!!! And then it just kept getting better and better!!! Sun jae was just such a cutie and an absolute loserrr (affectionate) and then threw in some good angst 🥹😭😭 it was just amazing!!

And then I decided, oh I need more, so i decided to look up the drama on here and see people (like you!!) writing such amazing commentary on the show that it's making me even more obsessed whew! 😆😅

This is getting long I'm sorry, but that salon drip youtube interview where the host is just squealing is literally me, they're super cute together, i hope they do more projects where they're the leads together!!! I need it!!!

Okay have a lovely day/evening! 😁

hi hello!! welcome to the “holy crap that was the best kdrama im going to be obsessed with this for a WHILE” club!

ugh yes that scene!!!! byeon woo-seok did such a good job at portraying so much just through his eyes!! it’s years and decades and timelines of memories just fully pouring in all at once — all the feelings he couldn’t explain and the weird scenes he kept seeing and the dreams!! all of them finally making sense! every puzzle piece falling into place

and then he gets hit with the emotions - falling for sol for the first time, witnessing the first timeline where he doesn’t save her on time, where she hates him and doesn’t want to live

to then jumping to the next timeline where she’s hugging him out of nowhere and knows his name- to falling for her even more and more. to more timelines and more precious moments with his sol; to confessing once twice three times and finally getting that reciprocated. it’s just-

he’s been living his entire life (4th timeline) walking this earth not realising this precious thing he’s been missing out on…even tho deep down he’s known. something was missing, was somehow longing for something but he just didn’t know what

and suddenly it all makes sense!! because of course it’s sol!!! ofc it’s her. she’s the reason. she’s what’s been missing

and he’s happy he’s remembering and devastated he ever forgot and lived 34 years without her without her memories or presence or existence. he’s so conflicted and everything is a mess but all he does know is he needs to go to her immediately. he needs to find her and hold her and never let her go.

no but honestly this show has grabbed me like no other show has in a looooong time- i know what you mean by the rewatch hahah! i tried to delay it as much as possible (i lied to myself) thinking it would feel more like watching it for the first time..but i caved so quickly

(also hahah i love that!! glad my slightly unhinged posts could help! 😂 it’s what they’re there for!)

yeah the first couple episodes are bit questionable when you don’t know what’s happening but as soon as they hit you with the end of ep2 plot twist…..you’re hooked. there’s no going back- and it’s so so worth it! so glad you kept going

please never apologise for coming into my inbox to talk about LR i’m here 24/7/365 for this

(sorry for the essay :$)

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: March 30th, 2021- Part 1

We’ve been really focused on getting the Step 3 DLC done and keeping up with asks kind of got away from me, aha. Thank you for waiting for a reply! We’re still definitely behind, but here’s a good chunk of responses!

I love Our Life so much but if the release of the step 3 dlc is in April, please don't "release" it on April 1, my poor heart can't take that prank 😭

Don’t worry! I’m horrible at pranks, haha. When we do post something specifically for April Fool’s it’s always to pretend it’s a joke when in reality it’s something we’re actually planning to do. But we don’t have anything like that arranged for this year. Any posts on April 1st will just be like normal.

Omigod, can you end the game in love with Cove but not in a relationship? My character stayed calm at the restaurant and Cove slept over at her home and I think I may have missed it. I'm delirious if I did, may never stop laughing. The children are idiots 

Haha, yes, it is possible to be in love and still not get into an actual relationship. There’s no forced ending where the two are made to confess their feelings and accept, it’s all optional/avoidable.

How can you see the new main character cut-in images? I'm not trying to be rude, but, all of my playthroughs, but I haven't seen them yet. (I know you can go through an entire game without seeing them, but I have went through multiple games.) 

It’s a bit of a spoiler to say here, but you can check out the guide we posted on Steam HERE!

Is it possible to win first place in the library quiz with Lizzy (Step 1 DLC) 

Yep, it is! Someone made a guide for the answers HERE (it’s also on Steam). We probably shouldn’t have required a perfect score to win a children quiz, but oh well, haha.

Hello!

In the future (in step 4) can you marry Cove even if you are friends? I would love to have a platonic wedding with him!

I’m afraid not. As much as he cares for the MC when they’re besties, Cove would only really want an official marriage if it’s based on romance.

Hello! I bumped into Our Life randomly last month, and it is one of the best coincidences I have ever laid on. I love how the choices and little details in the story changes throughout the game, and I'm excited to keep supporting you! I'm absolutely in love with Cove and would like to ask what keeps him to be especially interested in the MC? Other than how you can choose what fondness level you have with him, what ultimately leads him to be in sync with us? Sorry if it's a little much & thank u! 

Cove likes the MC because, regardless of the different personality traits you can give the MC, they meet him on his level, listen to him, understand him (even if you’re indifferent and not really close the MC still gets where he’s coming from), and if you’re fond/crush/love than you’re there for him. He finds the MC someone he can respect, trust, and, if they’re close, feel safe with. I’m glad you enjoyed the game!

hi there! for xoxo droplets i see the that female pronouns are used in the description, in the actual game can you change the pronouns or are they stuck as female? i'm aware the game is free, but i have a bad habit of buying dlc's before playing the game so it would be helpful to know before i spend money on it. if anything i'll save that money for more our life dlcs when they come out :D

XOXO Droplets does have a set MC. It’s the story of a specific person rather than a game about making your own story. All of our games prior to Our Life were about exploring MCs that were fully fleshed out people in their own right, so you can’t get the OL experience from what we did before. But we do plan to do more custom-style MCs going forward from here!

For the our life nsfw dlc, will you have to be in the patron to have it or  will there be another way for people who really support the game but can't pay to get it? 

I’m afraid not. We might put it up for sale somewhere other than Patreon someday (though never on Steam or Itch) since we know not everyone can use that site, but it will still cost money on any other hosting page we use. It’s unfortunately not a piece of content we can give away for free.

Hello! I finally got to play Xoxo Blood Droplets and it mentioned about a DLC coming out soon. Is it already out or are you still planning it?

We are still planning to finish it when we can, we just had to put it on hold because 2020 was a tough year and we needed to put all our focus on Our Life. There’s some of the extra DLC stories available for beta testing on the Patreon.

Is there a link to the soundtrack for Xoxo Blood Droplets? I really like the music in this game! 

That’s not available yet, but we’ll probably put it up for sale once the rest of the stories are done.

Would there be any chance for XOXO Droplets OSTs to be released in the future? (Please take my money-) 

We might! There are some things we wanna do and fix before we really start advertising XOXO Droplets things again, but hopefully it all comes together.

Why does Cove dislike Shiloh so much despite all of Shiloh's efforts to get along? I can understand his dislike for Lizzie, but why Shiloh? 

They met under bad terms (with an arranged play date he had no choice in), Shiloh’s sort of pushy himself when it comes to trying to get along, and Cove thinks he’s just kind of unusual in how he interacts/reacts with people. They don’t click, basically.

Is there a way to have your character be a tsundere? And have Cove toughened up a bit due to that? Sorry if the is a stupid question! ^^;

Maybe? The options in the game aren’t based on those types of personality tropes and I don’t know them well enough to say if you can accurately find a way to make it work with the available options. But it’s not a stupid question, I’m sure plenty of other people have considered something similar c:

do voiced names work only with their exact spelling? cause my mc is called Sophia and one of the voiced names is Soffia so i was wondering but if only works like that it's fine (sorry if i made any mistakes, english isn't my first language) 

“Voice” and “text” are separate! You can pick the “voice” you want and then type in whatever “text” you prefer. And your English is really good.

Will OL:NF be based on a season/break like the first game? Or some other type of setting? 

Our Life: Now & Forever takes place over the full course of Autumn. So, the start of school and then into the fall holiday season type of time period.

Will we ever see a jealous cove😭😭 please im begging u- 

Only in small ways, really. Sadly, I’m just not someone who enjoys jealousy in stories and therefore I don’t know how to implement it in a way that feels enjoyable. Maybe I’ll figure out a angle I can work with in future projects.

Do you have any plans with Our Life once step 4 has been released along with step 3's DLCs? 

After the Step 3 DLCs and Step 4 we’ll be releasing the Cove wedding DLC, the Derek romance DLC, and then the Baxter romance DLC. The project will likely be considered fully complete at that point.

Hello, I just needed to first of all sat how amazed I was when I discovered this game. I thought I would be disappointed by the lack of love interests, but you worked so hard to make sure Cove is the Best Boy for so many different people!! It really has been my comfort game for a while now, and I think all the different choices you allow make it the best romance game I’ve played in my life. The only problem is now my expectations for love are Cove level, and no one can live up to that. You’ve put so much consideration to make this game super inclusive and I think it’s amazing. If I can ask, for the exclusive NSFW Patreon dlc, will it only be available for the month it comes out? Or could I become a patron months later and still be able to download it. I just don’t have a job right now otherwise I would LOVE to subscribe to your Patreon and definitely will once I have the money again!! Thank you so so much for making such a lovely game that’s brought me so much joy.

&

Hiya! I'm so sorry for sounding like a complete degenerate for asking, but will the nsfw moment on patreon still be available even if i'm not a patron of the month it comes out? (e.g. i didnt pay/join the necessary tier before the moment is released) Thank you for your hard work on OL, I really connected with Cove in a way I never anticipated.

Thank you very much for such kind words! The Patreon DLC will be up for download on the Patreon indefinitely once it’s done. Just like the normal DLCs, you can pay to get it whenever you like but it won’t be up for sale until it’s finished. So take all the time you need.

Sorry to bother you guys, but there was an earlier ask detailing the OL LI's love languages and I was just wondering- Would that be for them personally, as in what they do, or the love language they enjoy receiving the most? Because I know for some people it's different for both on giving and receiving and was a bit confused, haha. Sorry for the trouble, your games are really nice!

For Cove and Derek it’s what they like to receive and what they give. For Baxter, it’s what he likes to get. What he gives is tailored to his partner. He’s flexible that way~ And it’s no trouble.

asking (and also fanning... fanboying? fangirling? fanpersoning? screw it- from a distance) anonymously because my confidence is nonexistent.

will you be doing a kickstarter for our life: now and forever? i know it's probably been asked and mentioned before, but will you be doing a kickstarter akin to the one done for our life: beginnings and always? if so, will you be doing similar tier rewards? (if you guys do so, i will [politely] throw my money at you).

now, to the fan.. personing? FAN. uhm. to the part where this anonymous agender idiot will begin to act as the fan they are.

THE GAME IS SO. SO NICE. IT'S CUSTOMIZABLE. I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT PART. AAAAA I ALSO ENJOY THAT YOU GAVE US THE OPTION TO JUST STAY BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING A8DBAIHEW- AND YOU INCLUDED AROS AND ACES IN THAT SEXUALITY CHOOSING PART- aaaAAA AND YOU MADE ELIZABETH FILIPINO- THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR CREATING SUCH AN INCLUSIVE GAME!!!

to summarize; will you be doing a kickstarter? and thank you for creating such a nice game. i, and likely the majority if not all of those who have played the game, am thankful.

Aw, thanks <3! I’m so happy it was such a nice experience for you. We are planning on having a Kickstarter for Our Life: Now & Forever. It’ll have similar rewards to the Our Life: O&A Kickstarter, but some changes will have to be made. Like, we’ll definitely need to increase the rate for getting a voiced name. Originally it was $3USD, which was super low for how much work it really took to add in a customized piece of voice acting, aha. Live and learn.

So sorry if you've already answered this, I looked but I couldn't find anything. Is the 18+ DLC coming out alongside the Step 3 DLC, or do they have different development timelines entirely? I'm so excited for all the DLC coming out in the future, and even though the release dates aren't out, I'm already counting down the days. :)

They have different development times and will come out separately. Despite taking place in the same Step period, they’re disconnected pieces of content and making progress on one doesn’t mean the other is closer to being finished. The normal Step 3 DLC is releasing first. It’s great to hear you’re looking forward to them!

Hey!! I'm absolutely LOVING Our Life! I have been pondering on one question though, what's Cove's ethnicity, if there is a set one? Or is it something we can Headcanon? 

&

hi hi! i wanted to say first of all that i absolutely adore our life. it's one of my favourite games of 2020, and i think it was just the perfect dose of positivity we all needed, even if you didn't intend to release it during such a hectic year lol! secondly, i wanted to say: if it's alright to ask, what ethnicity is cove? :-0 and what about his parents? i was just curious about it ^^)/ thank you!!

Cove’s mom, Kyra, is white. But his dad’s, Cliff’s, race doesn’t come up and players are able to headcanon it. So Cove is half white and half whatever you prefer Cliff to be! 

hello! there was a post on the patreon where you can run your fingers down cove's chest in errands - how do you get that scene? ♥ 

That was an old mistake on my part- you can only get that scene in the Ending rather Errands. You have to leave the big family dinner at the restaurant to go into the car, be dating Cove for a while, have Cove come see you there, and then mention using your hands when Cove makes a joke about hands.

in baxter’s dlc, is there any point where you can tell him about the previous renters of the condo? 

You can talk to him about that in the normal Step 3 DLC!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you for all the interest in our games everybody :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[takerfoxx]

Some stuff from 2020 that I actually liked

Okay, so 2020 was a godawful year, we all agree. But a lot of good did happen to keep us sane, so I want to go ahead and list everything that made me happy last year. Also, note that some of these things actually debuted earlier than 2020, but I came across it in 2020, so it counts for me.

TV!

-The Hollow.

The Hollow is a truly underappreciated show. A cool premise and interesting characters that just got better every episode.

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

This is one of the best single-season shows I’ve ever seen. Absolutely brilliant, and fuck you Netflix for pulling the plug!

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

This show is not my thing by any means, and I would never have checked it out if the opening wasn’t so attention-grabbing. Glad I did, because it gave me genuine joy. Though it probably should have debuted later in the year, since it seems custom-made for the quarantine months. 

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: Season 5

What more can I say? One of my favorite shows of all time going out with a fantastic bang. God, I love this show.

Honorable mentions: Kipo and the Age of the Wunderbeasts, The Owl House, Magia Record, and SSSS Gridman.

MOVIES

There wasn’t a lot of movies worth talking about this year, and fewer that I actually saw. This one had the good fortune to drop just in time to dominate the box office right before quarintine shut everything down. And for a film with such an uninspired premise, such a problematic production, and being a video game movie no less, it just brought me so much joy.

VIDEO GAMES

Stinkoman 20x6: Level 10

Homestar Runner was my first favorite thing on the internet, and I spent many hours playing through Stinkoman 20x6 well over a decade ago. So when they finally announced the final level mere days before flash died forever, it was a big of closure I never thought I would get.

A Hat in Time

This game was a surreal delight. More like this, please!

Hollow Knight

On the other end of the spectrum, good lord was exploring the world of Hollownest a joy. Can’t wait for Silksong!

Honorable mention: Orri and the Blind Forest

PRO WRESTLING

Tetsuya Naito achieves his Destino

I’ve already got into detail why this moment was so special, so I won’t repeat myself here. But man, was it incredible.

Kota Ibushi, back-to-back G1 winner!

If it were anyone else, I would be annoyed. But it’s Kota.

I started watching Lucha Underground!

This show is years old, but I only started watching it this year, and I’m glad that I did, because it is so much fun. It’s basically Mortal Kombat as a wrestling show!

Honorable mentions: the Firefly Funhouse match, Roman Reigns turning heel, Kenny Omega and Jon Moxley’s AEW championship wins

LITERATURE

Two Dresden Books

The Dresden Files is my favorite book series, and after waiting so long for it to return, getting two books in the same year was a real treat

Dance in the Vampire Bund

This is probably my guiltiest of guilty pleasures, because unlike other guilty pleasures like To Love-Ru or the Hollywood Undead in which their unashamed schlockiness is part of the charm DitVB is largely a fantastic vampire story with a richly drawn world, great characters, a compelling plot, and some truly great action. It just has that one really gross aspect that overshadows everything else, and unfortunately is promoted as its main selling point. That being said, I was happy to see it return.

PERSONAL WRITING

Returning to fanfiction

Ah, IM and RD, how I’ve missed thee. Sure, my heyday may be over, but it’s still wonderful to return to old stories

Finishing both Walpurgis Nights and Restless

These two were both passion projects that have been taking up space in my head for years, so finishing both was a dream come true, no pun intended

Getting Blood Island going

I have no idea how my future in original fiction will go, but I hope it’s good.

MUSIC

DemonDice

Yes, we all know who she is now, but finding Calliope’s older stuff kind of makes me mad about how unappreciated she was. 

Mystery Skulls - Ultra Rare vol. 2

I remember asking Mystery Skulls right after vol 1 dropped if a vol 2 was in the worlds, and he said definitely. It took a while, but it’s finally here.

Skyhill returns

God, Howling at the Moon came when I needed it the most.

K/DA All Out

I found out that this was coming out literally days before it dropped, and it ROCKED!

Ken Ashcorp

Why yes, I would like more incredibly catchy, shamelessly horny songs about nerdy stuff that I like, thank you very much.

Honorable Mentions: Hybrid Theory deluxe edition, In This Moment, Gorillaz Song Machine

Misc.

hololive

This is the era of the Vtuber. I still don’t fully understand why these cute but psycho anime girls bring me so much joy, but I’m glad that they do. 

And finally...

Donald Trump gets voted out of office.

Fuck you, you narcissistic, fascist piece of shit. You losing didn’t make up for such an awful year or for the four years in which you ran this country into the ground, but it was a good start!

[singingforthepromises]

fruits basket manga lb (chs 131 - 133)

CH 131

We’re learning about the origins of the curse now. Oh boy. 

The cat went to God first ;A; 

omg the cat died first.... 

God saved it!

Oh, the cat didn’t want to have eternal life... and the others and God took that as rejection.... seriously? So petty, honestly. I love learning about how it happened but I’m just like... wtf. It’s like all of this generational trauma could’ve all been avoided if God and the animals hadn’t misinterpreted shit LOl

YUKI’S CRYING ;A;

I totally understand Yuki’s feelings here. It must be hard. You’re free, but you’re also letting go of something that was a part of you for so long, something that helped shaped who you are, no matter how negative a situation. 

AH AJSFJSJF HE CAN HUG HER NOW OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT IM SOBBING

MACHI IS SO CUTE 

She’s calling him by his first name KSFJSJFJSF

AHHH THEY KISSED! ENDGAME YUCHI! <3

“When did that promise turn into a curse?” What I’ve been asking since since the very beginning rofl

AKDGDKG KYO’S SHOWING KAZUMA HIS BARE ARM IM ;A;

KAZUMA IS SO HAPPY SJJDG

Haru and Rin!! <3

omg look at Tohru pulling on Kyo’s shirt how cute

is Tohru gonna see Akito? <3

SHE’S HUGGING HER! I LOVE THIS! I love that Akito can see that even after the curse has been lifted, Tohru wasn’t lying about being there for her, about being her friend. Akito needed this, honestly. I’m very happy with the resolution of their rivalry. I’m happy with how the curse broke. 

“The Cat’s wish... wasn’t granted... until much, much later.” IM CRYINGGG

CH 132

Starting the last volume... this is so depressing, I don’t want this story to be over. 

Akigure time, lol. 

Oh is this the final banquet? 

IT’S SO NICE TO SEE RITSU AGAIN!! <333

“Things might be a bit tense.” Oh, I’m sure. I don’t think it’s all going to be sunshine and daisies. Akito may be behaving a hell of a lot better and changed her ways, but there’s still a lot of pain here, pain that she directly caused. I’m interested to see how this is going to go. 

LOL @ momiji calling Kyo a cheater we love to see familial teasing!

I love that they’re not all awkward around each other. It just goes to show that a lot of their genuine personalities poked through even among the curse. They all do have a bond, curse or no curse. And it’s very nice to see Kyo being actually included in that bond. 

lool fucking Ayame, man. I love him. 

Aww is Yuki kinda sorta looking out for Kyo around Ayame? I love this. 

HAHA 

“Akito’s ready to see you.” sfjsjfsj

OH WOW.

Look at her? She looks so pretty? 

RITSU LMFAO

Oh, Shigure got her that kimono. 

Yeaaah, this is what I’m worried about with Akigure as a ship. Akito’s better, but she still has a tendency to fly off the handle if she thinks she’s being slighted, and it makes me worried about how they would handle dispites and arguments without getting physical like that, you know? I’d hope that she’d do it less and less as time goes on. 

“All of you are free. And this may come too late, but for everything... I’m...” Oh my god. Is she trying to apologize? 

She can’t, though. It won’t come out. I bet she probably feels like sorry isn’t enough, in some ways. How do you apologize for a lifetime of suffering that you’ve caused, the trauma inflicted on other people? 

I guess Akigure are official, lol. I mean, I’m glad that Akito’s getting a somewhat happy ending. Shigure, I still don’t like him but he’s a fantastic character. 

Akito’s gonna stay at the estate and be the head without keeping anyone shackled to her. That’s as good of an ending as I could’ve anticipated for her. I’ll be honest: I still feel like she got off a little easy. She should’ve faced some legal consequences, at least. But I don’t dislike her like I used to. She’s definitely come around and I’ve partially forgiven her. 

I’ll talk more about my feelings about Akito and everything once I’ve finished, but that’s where I am right now. 

CH 133

AHHH KYORU. THEY’RE OFFICIAL! 

loool who is Mayu talking about? 

OH Yuki and the others know about Akito being a female now? Nice!

“I can’t believe I was so violent... to a girl.” KYO. MY BOY. Omg what a sweetheart? Honey, she was violent to you, too. 

“The last thing I wanted was another guy interested in you.” LMFAOOOO 

YUKI’S DYING

“The mood between the two of them has become somewhat gentler than before.” Somewhat? Girl, they’re friends now, and I’m loving it. It’s so cute. 

“He beat the crap outta me.” YES LOL

“Kyo-kun smiles more than he used to. I’ve come to realize that this is his true self.” ;A;

oh my gosh THEY’RE SO CUTE.

How are they even cuter now that they’re dating?!

“Walking together, hand in hand, isn’t something that I’ll ever take for granted.” I’m cryinggggg. ;a; My babies. 

NOT TALK OF A KYORU BABY MY HEART CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH.

AND GRANDPA KAZUMA!! HE’D DOTE ON THAT KID!

What’s wrong with my bby girl Isuzu? :(

“Not everyone... is in the same situation.” Ah, yeah... 

“How can you act like nothing ever happened? She did all kinds of nasty stuff to Kyo. And she hurt you a lot too. Those wounds will never disappear, will they?” I 1000% understand Rin here. I was waiting for this to be brought up!

Oh, Isuzu, my poor girl. 

This might change later on, but as of right now, I don’t fully forgive Akito, either. There’s just too much that she did to too many people. Like Rin, like Yuki, like Kyo. Even Hatori. I’m generally a forgiving person, but I have a hard time with abusive characters. Maybe it’s from my own past, being a survivor of abuse. Being around it and knowing how they are just impacts you differently, I guess. I don’t know if it’s right to say that maybe people who haven’t experienced abuse are able to forgive easier. 

I haven’t forgiven my abuser, and I never will. Do I still understand why they did it, why they are who they are, and do I still empathize? YES. I feel a lot for people. I feel a lot for Akito on a positive note, and I’m so proud of her progression. She’s a hurt woman who deserved better and who hurt people because she was in so much pain herself. She hasn’t been able to break free of her abuser or heal yet. She needs a safe space to do that, and she’s beginning to learn to be better and be a sweeter person. Tohru showed her that. 

But like Rin, I can’t fully forgive her. If Tohru hadn’t done what she did, hadn’t reached out to Akito, Akito never would’ve changed. She would’ve continued to be horrible and not feel regret for the things she’s done. I appreciate that she was trying to apologize, though. And there are things that I’ve forgiven her for. It’s the worst indiscretions that I can’t. How she treated Rin and Yuki, specifically. I know that she was projecting with Rin. But Rin was a child and an abuse victim herself. Out of all of them, Akito could’ve related to her. Akito knew. She used that instead to hurt Rin, and that is the one thing that I’ll never be okay with. 

“They’ll need time. A whole lot.” Yes. And even then, it may not be enough. Some scars run so fucking deep that even time doesn’t help. I’ve healed from my trauma. It doesn’t impact me anymore. I’ve learned how to cope and move on and now utilize those skills to help others. I think time will help, though, and it may allow others to forgive Akito later. 

Distance is the key here, I think. If they’re not around her, maybe forgiveness will come easier. 

Wow, Akito taking what she learned from Tohru and reaching out to the maid? We love to see it. 

[s0l0b0d0r]

SOME random ninjago hc that is in the RTO au

i wrote a lot of hc that fit the RTO au, not necessarily associated with Future and so here we are 

it’s long so here’s a summary of the HCs, you’ll find them under the cut 

Timetwins childhoods 

 + Kronos HCs (as requested by @moonprincess101)

cyrus HC

Pixal HC

couple other than future in RTO 

EMs and elemental power in general 

Zane & the ICE EM reincarnation 

Morro & Ronin sibbling 

Nadakhan & Dilara 

AGE CHART 

Bonus : Pokemon AU (+ doodles !!)

WARNING : LOOOOONG 

Timetwins childhoods ( + Kronos HCs)  

“Acronix" and "krux" isn’t their birth names, Acronix came up with them when they were younger, as super heroes names after discovering their powers. Krux loved the idea and they kept referring each other as these names. Krux forgot what is original name was, but Acronix still remembers them. i’m guessing that they might use them again after getting back into society

They grew us in a country side village with their mother for a big part of their life, didn't socialized much til their mother passed.  Krux was always overprotective and nix, not having anything else to compare, thought krux directing him was normal. when joining the EMs when the serpentins wars happened, Nix easily became friend with some of the EMs, unlike krux . tho they really did not got along with wu and garmadon 

their elemental power was passed down to them by a Unknown Man whom they never met, as he left before their birth, Kronos :

- kronos was the previous user of the time element, he used it for good, preventing some disaster, saving people’s life, Wu knew him well. 

- tho he was young when he married and didn't know how what would happen to his power after having kids. he took his power for granted and overused them even for simple task. to him , having powers was normal and sounded arrogant when speaking with other EMs or people in general 

.- during his wife pregnancy, he noticed his powers started fading and freaked out, he went to wu, asking for help and learn the truth about what would happen to his powers after his sons where born. he was never seen again afterward. 

when wu met krux and acronix, he knew they were related to kronos , but when asking them about their father , the twins would not reply and looks uncomfortable 

- his personality shifted rapidly afterward, without powers he went mad, more aggressive, salty, self centered 

Cyrus HC

- Cyrus grew up taking inspiration from DR. julien work to build his own tech, he never really expected to become so popular later in his life and sometime feels overwhelmed by it .

- Cyrus is a billionaire, and donate to charity all the time , ninjago doesn't seems to have any problems beside villains attacking time to time, you can expect rich people of the world to be actually helping RIGHT ?

- Cyrus isnt paralyzed, i imagine him more having weak legs motor control that dont support his body weight enough to let him stand, if he did, he would feel dizzy very fast, (this is heavly based on this HC )

it has some hint in the show, but you dont wanna mess with cyrus, he can be agressive toward people that bother him or his loved ones, he will not hesitate to fight the best way he can ! 

Pixal HC

- pixal was a project he worked on for YEARS, but she was only fully finished at the beginning of S3

- pixal was built to be gender neutral, until she told her father that she wanted to be seen as feminine , and he loves and support her

- pixal is very polite and usually call people by title, unless she knows them personally, she would never call cyrus by anything else than “father”

- when she first got in contact with people other than her father, she found them fascinating, and specially zane, knowing that he was a nindroïd like her.

- she used to have a crush on zane that for a while, felt mutual, until she got dismantled .. she was glad zane found a way to keep her around but as time passed, the lack of physical body, zane becoming colder with her afterward , and him getting closer to cole after the event of S4. made her loose interest, they were living as one but she missed being herself 

- ronin was the one who dismantled her, after he captured zane, pixal tried to defend her friend but got destroyed, ronin used part of her body to repair his own . his left arm being partially made from pixal Original body

- she took inspiration from nya’s samurai X mech to build herself a new body 

- in the process she developed feelings for nya. like zane earlier in her life, she felt like it was mutual but she isn’t sure the relation is working out, nya and her are spliting and getting back together every month or so

-she is an hopeless lover and tend to crush on anybody that express kindness to her 

Couple other than future in RTO

RTO mainly focus on future, but also : samurai, Glacier, Scruff  and A BIT of jaya , in general, the ninjas (minus lloyd) are pretty much all in open relationships with one another and it’s mostly just polyninja but main focus on samurai and glacier  

EMs and elemental power in general

- EM lives longer that other people , roughly 120~ years instead of 80 , and that even if they lost their powers

- being an EM can be either genetic or Given .. Powers can be passed down only two ways : a Em can have a kid and during pregnancy, the element will start fading until the baby is born, element will take time to developed in someone’s body , it roughly take 10-15 years for someone to discover their power. however this process inst guaranteed, and some EM’s kid can be born without powers, this is usually the case when only one of the parent is a EM, in case a EM have more kids than powers (eg. twins) the power will either splits up, or one of he kid will be born without powers 

- the second option is strong bound, if a EM is dying (or dead) without kids or non of their kids inherited their powers , they can choose a Vessel .. it can be human, creature or any sentient being. 

- taking someone’s power away by force CANNOT happen, it’s BULLSHIT.. wu and garmadon simply blocked krux and acronix powers, they are still considered EM and if they wish to, can pass down their powers to someone else , who WILL be able to control it (tho since the power Split up, nix can only pass down slow and forward power) after that, the time blade will lose their powers.

Zane & the ICE EM reincarnation

for his HC i’m going to call the previous ICE EM “simon”  i cant remembrer who named the Ice EM simon, if you know it please lemme know !  i love it tbh

-julien and simon knew each other very well, they were Close friends 

- simon knew that julien loved making machine and heard about a new project "zane" a robot that could protect people that could protect themselves, julien loved zane like his son . later in his life after the serpentine wars , simon feeling old, wanted to pass down his elemental power to someone before passing away, and thought julien was perfect, after all they knew each other, but he changed his mind and decided to pass it to zane instead. He touched zane heart and after that, he slowly lost his powers till he passed . neither zane nor julien knew about it, but by freezing his heart, it gave him a part of his soul ( 9 STYLE) ,  a unusual but strong power source to zane, the elemental power of ice and changed his behavior a bit 

Morro & Ronin sibbling HC

Morro and Ronin are brothers , morro is the oldest and inherited the wind power, unlike ronin. 

ronin loved to provoque people and overall was a little brat. one day with morro, he annoyed a citizen of Stiix, that will later be known as “soularcher” that decided to curse him and his brother 

Morro was terrified and fleed, he eventually decided to join wu’s monastery , who adopted him. morro was sure that becoming the green ninja of the prophecy would make him a hero and lift the curse on his soul. he was even more devastated to learn that wu was wrong

on his own ways ronin tried his best to fix his mistake growing up , without much success. falling into robbery, con artist, failed marriage and alcoholism 

when morro came back as a ghost, he felt guilty and wanted to fix his mistake but he finally had people like nya and dareth (whom he met at a bar and chatted with him when he was sad) that cared about him and decide to fight for good for once 

Ronin had a wife and a daughter a WHILE ago, but lost them . his daughter was roughly the same age as nya and she remind him of her 

Nadakhan & Dilara

Dilara and nya are related

Dilara and captain sotto knew each other (family related ;;; OR she was cheating on nadakhan idk but either way she cared about him too )  and she help sotto capture nadakhan and his crew but made a mistake and got killed in the process

Dilara was just there to use nadakhan for his powers but nadakhan wanted her for his infinite wishes so I GUESS THEYre a good pair ???

AGE CHART 

BONUS : Pokemon AU for no reason but i’m happy of them 

THERE IM DONE BYYYYYYYYE 

[axiumin]

Take Care | Jinyoung x Reader

Anonymous said: hi! if its alright w you i'd like to request for an angsty jinyoung scenario where you overwork yourself and you're v stubborn and you dont listen to jinyoung's pleas to take better care of yourself so he finally snaps one day after seeing you fall sick bc of it. please end it w fluff!! thank you so much!! im looking forward to reading it! have a great day! 💖💖💖

Thank you for your request, anon! I hope you enjoy!

You supposed everyone had a breaking point. Jinyoung reached his when he found you feverish and half-delirious.

Pairing: Jinyoung x Reader

Genre: Angst and fluff

Words: 3.4k+

Your apartment door closed behind you with a ‘thunk’. With a noise somewhere between a sigh and a groan, you eased your heavy work bag off of your shoulder and tried to force the tense muscles of your back to relax.

It had been another long day of rushing to meetings, juggling assignment deadlines, and floundering in what seemed like an ever-increasing workload. These kinds of days were always exhausting, but they stayed manageable as long as they remained few and far in between. But lately, it felt like you’ve only been having days like this, and the exhaustion was beginning to drag you down. The only reason you made it through the day was the knowledge that tomorrow was Saturday, and that meant blessed rest.

You pulled your phone out to send the customary ‘Just got home!’ text to Jinyoung and shuffled to your bedroom, intent on changing into some sweatpants. You had just faceplanted on your bed when your phone began buzzing against the blanket beside you. A moment of shuffling later, you were face to face with Jinyoung, who smiled at you from your phone screen.

“Hey, babe. How did today go?”

You sighed again but found yourself smiling tiredly back at him.

“It was a day. You know how it is, Jinyoung.”

He leaned closer to his phone and squinted a bit, scrutinizing you.

“Y/N, you look so tired,” he said with a frown. “Have you been getting enough sleep?”

You knew what you looked like. You saw the dark smudges under your eyes and the tiredness that had settled into your face over the last few days. Apparently, a sheet mask wasn’t the miracle cure you had hoped it would be. You sighed and rubbed a hand over your face.

“Honestly, I���ve been pulling a few late nights to try to get some work done. I was kind of thinking I’d stay in this weekend. Just focus on getting some rest so I can get back to normal?” You said this last part as a question, knowing that you usually spent as much of your weekend with Jinyoung as possible. You didn’t want him to think that you weren’t interested in being with him; you were just too tired to go out and do anything.

But Jinyoung only nodded, satisfied.

“Good. I want you to get more rest. I’ll come over tomorrow, and we can just spend the day as lazy as you want. We can nap or watch movies— whatever you want. I just want to make sure you’re happy and healthy, Y/N.”

Your throat tightened a bit as you were momentarily overwhelmed with affection for Jinyoung. He loved teasing you sometimes, but you knew that underneath all that, he was truly caring and protective of you.  

“I’d like that,” you whispered back, sinking back into your pillows to listen to Jinyoung tell you about his day until you were lulled to sleep by the sound of his voice.

You woke up to bright light filtering through your window. Groaning, you rolled over to check the time and gasped when you saw that it was already late morning and had no idea when Jinyoung was coming over.

Suddenly awake, you sat up in bed and scrolled through the notifications on your phone, sighing in relief when you saw the messages from Jinyoung.

‘It didn’t take you very long to fall asleep this time. I guess you really do need the rest.’ ‘Unless you’ve only just been pretending to find me interesting all this time.’ ‘😒😒😒’ ‘But really, sleep as late as you need tomorrow. Just text me when you wake up, and I’ll come over when you’re ready. Good night, love you x’

So that was one crisis averted. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle shuffling out to your living room, looking and feeling half-dead, only to unexpectedly find Jinyoung waiting on your couch looking chipper and beautiful. You would know; you already experienced that once, and your heart couldn’t handle it happening a second time.

Knowing you had a moment to yourself, you stretched languidly, relishing in the sound of your back popping. Yeah, that was some much-needed sleep. You then took a moment to text Jinyoung back with a simple ‘I’m awake!’ before shuffling to your bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

You were fully clothed and your hair was half-dried when you finally heard the knock on your door. Good timing.

You opened your door to reveal Jinyoung. He was wearing a hoodie and track pants, and he had left his hair unstyled. As he greeted you with a one-armed hug and a kiss, you couldn’t help but feel excited, knowing you were in for a ‘soft boyfriend’ sort of a day.

“Hey, you,” he murmured as he pulled away. He held up a plastic bag. “I brought food.”

“You’re too good to me.”

Soon, the two of you were seated on your couch, a rather impressive take-out affair spread across your coffee table. The rumbling of your stomach had you piling food on your plate, and you couldn’t help but be glad that you happened to be dating someone who loved food as much as you did. Jinyoung always brought the good stuff, and he always brought a lot.

“Ugh, this is too good. You need to try this,” you gushed after taking a particularly tasty bite of food. You held up another bite of food to Jinyoung’s mouth, and he happily opened up for you.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said, around his mouthful of food. And really, ew. “I tried this place out after practice earlier this week, and I thought I’d try taking you sometime. I hear they have really good appetizers, but I haven’t tried all of them yet.” You hummed, waiting until after you finished swallowing your next mouthful to reply.

“Honestly, any food sounds good right now. I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve been missing meals. I was so tired when I got home last night that I didn’t even have dinner!” You shook your head, though your annoyance with your past self was becoming more distant the more you appeased your hungry stomach.

Next to you, Jinyoung stopped eating in favor of frowning at you.

“Y/N, you shouldn’t let your work get in the way of your health like this.” He reached up and carefully brushed the pad of his thumb under your eye, which was still darkened with fatigue. “First, you lost sleep, and then you missed meals? What can be so important that it takes precedence over your health?”

You sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling it away from your face so you could lace your fingers together. It was frustrating for you, too. It’s not like you enjoyed feeling so dogged by work— honestly, you would love to take more breaks if you didn’t feel anxious about your workload every time you tried to rest. But as you saw the sincere concern on Jinyoung’s face, your frustration faded.

“You’re right, Jinyoung.”

He cracked a wry smile at that. “I never get tired of hearing you say that.” He sobered a bit before adding, “Promise me. Promise me that you’ll try to take better care of yourself.”

You brought your joined hands up to your lips to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“I’ll try my best. I promise.”

Jinyoung held your gaze for a moment longer before finally nodding in satisfaction. You watched as his seriousness melted away into playfulness and he started to whine a bit.

“Then it’s time for you to pay attention to me, Y/N. We have an entire afternoon of rest ahead of us, and I need you to show me how much you appreciate your kind, loving boyfriend who brings wonderful food for you and looks out for your health!”

Chuckling, you obligingly opened your arms for him and contented yourself in spending the rest of the day sharing cuddles and bites of food with Jinyoung.

An entire weekend of lounging around the house with Jinyoung left you feeling almost rested going into the new week. Unfortunately, by the time you were halfway through Monday, it was like you had taken a step forward only to take two steps back. You felt just as exhausted and tense as you had on Friday.

To make matters worse, you ended up working through your usual lunch break just to try to catch up with the tide of incoming tasks. Even as your stomach grumbled and you longed for even a short respite, you continued to push through. When you finally got home for the day, it was all you could do to cram some food in your mouth and plop down onto your bed for some much-needed rest.

The next day was much of the same. And the day after that, too.

The shadows under your eyes became more prominent, and between the missing sleep and the inconsistent eating, you were becoming increasingly sluggish. Jinyoung often texted you with reminders to take a break and eat something, but deadlines hung over your head like a stormcloud, bringing a fresh wave of anxiety every time you even thought about taking a break. The only thing that kept you going was the realization that you were slowly but surely making an impact on your workload; there was an end in sight.

This meant that you were all the more devastated when you woke up Friday morning with a pounding headache and a fever. If you felt sluggish before, now it felt as if you were trying to push through molasses with every move you made. Your brain felt slow and heavy, and even your tongue felt too thick in your mouth. Everything required more effort and energy than you had in you.

You sat on the edge of your bed for what felt like forever, just staring at your phone, considering whether or not you should call out of work for the day. You did.

A heavy sigh left your body when you hung up the phone, but it felt more like you got punched in the gut. It was as if all of that hard work you had put into finishing your projects was being thrown away, ironically because you had worked too hard and your body apparently decided to remind you of your humanity.

Your eyes burned with exhaustion and unshed tears, but you blinked them away. If you couldn’t physically go anywhere to work, then at least you could try to get something done from home, right? You sent Jinyoung a quick text explaining that you were unwell and would be staying home today, and you settled in at your desk to do what you could.

Your work went by agonizingly slowly. It was only desperation that kept you working through your headache, though you felt like your work was only being compounded as you kept making mistakes that you had to go back and fix. Frustration simmered in your belly and was on the verge of swelling up, hot and terrible, when you heard a key turn in your door.

Immediately, your head whipped up to see Jinyoung walk through the door, carrying a bag and a paper cup. He froze in place when he saw you sitting at your desk. You saw the exact moment he realized what you were doing.

“Y/N…” he started quietly, eyes beginning to narrow.

Quite suddenly, you felt very overwhelmed. For a moment, it was like you were oddly disconnected from your body, as if you were watching from a distance as you sat at your desk almost listlessly, surrounded by papers and the bright glow of your laptop. But then the moment passed just as soon as it had started and you had to blink back the dizziness as you were suddenly very much back in your body, staring helplessly into Jinyoung’s increasingly stormy face.

“Please tell me that you haven’t been sitting here all morning, working when you’re supposed to have the day off.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he was just getting started.

“You work yourself ragged every day! You haven’t been eating, you haven’t been sleeping, and when you finally have a perfectly good reason not to go to work, you don’t take it for what it is and get some rest. No, you go and you do more work! You’re going to kill yourself if you keep doing this!” He gestured sharply at this and nearly dropped the cup he was holding. He visibly reined himself in, put down his load, and marched over to your desk to start piling up your papers.

“Jinyoung, I—”

“No!” He whipped around to look at you, eyes blazing. “Don’t you remember promising me that you would try to take better care of yourself? You promised me this, Y/N. But you broke your promise, and now here we are. What could possibly be so important to you that you’d prioritize it over your health?”

You knew that he was angry because he was worried. You knew that he cared about you. But that knowledge didn’t do anything to stave off the tears that welled up in your eyes as he yelled at you. You shrank back in your chair, shying away from his looming form.

If he noticed your reaction, he didn’t comment. Jinyoung just turned away from you to finish gathering your work. He tucked it, along with your laptop, under his arm and disappeared into your bedroom. He reappeared a moment later, empty-handed, and slammed the door behind him.

For a moment, he just stood in your living room, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. Your gaze fell as the first tear slipped from your eye. Jinyoung was perfectly right, you knew. But at this point you were just so exhausted and anxious and jittery that you wanted nothing more than to just take a break from everything for just a moment, just long enough for you to put your life back in order.

Neither of you moved for a long moment, save for your near-imperceptible shaking. Neither of you said anything; Jinyoung had said all he had to say, and you had nothing to add.

Eventually, you heard rather than saw Jinyoung move to crouch in front of you, ducking his head to see your face. You saw the corners of his mouth tug down in a frown when he noticed your tears, and he raised his hand to cup your cheek.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he said, his voice nearly a whisper. “It just kills me to see you do this to yourself. Please, Y/N, take better care of yourself. Put your wellbeing first.”

You nodded mutely, unable to speak around the lump in your throat. Jinyoung sighed and pulled you in for a hug. For an indeterminable amount of time, the two of you sat there, just clinging to each other. The fight— if you could really call it that— used up all of the emotion and energy you could offer, and it left you feeling drained and oddly hollow.

When you and Jinyoung finally parted, you felt like a ragdoll, limp and weak. Jinyoung helped you stand, but all you could do when you regained your footing was rest against him.

“Y/N?” he asked, concerned.

“I feel weird,” you mumbled. You leaned your head in the crook of his neck.

“You have a fever, Y/N. Your face is really hot right now.”

Yeah, that sounded about right. But you didn’t really any energy left to do anything about it, so you stayed where you were and just made a small noise at the back of your throat.

You felt Jinyoung carefully scoop you up and carry you into your bedroom. You said nothing as he set you on your unmade bed, but you managed a small “Wait,” when he turned to walk away.

Jinyoung turned back, resting a hand on your feverish forehead and smiling, small and hesitant.

“I’ll be back, I promise. I just need to put some things away first.” You let him go without protest this time, and your eyes slipped shut before he was out the door.

The golden glow of sunset was casting your room in warm amber tones by the time you woke up with a groan. Every muscle in your body protested when you moved. Reluctantly, you forced yourself into a sitting position, turning when you heard the shuffle of blankets from beside you.

Jinyoung’s eyes fluttered open. He made a noise and quickly sat up once he noticed you were awake and watching him.

“Y/N. How are you feeling?”

You took a moment to consider this before answering truthfully.

“Sore. But my headache is gone, and I feel like my fever is down, too.”

Jinyoung pressed a hand to your forehead, letting it linger for perhaps just a bit longer than necessary before pulling away and nodding.

“I think you’re right.”

Silence settled heavily between the two of you for a moment, though neither of you averted your eyes. Jinyoung was the first to relent.

“I’m so sorry I yelled at you, Y/N. You already weren’t feeling well, and I only made it worse by taking out my frustration on you.” But you were already shaking your head before he finished speaking.

“Jinyoung, no, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard, and I refused to listen to you when you tried to help me.” You took in a shaky breath. “To be honest, I just felt so overwhelmed and anxious that I couldn’t stop working. I know there will be times in the future when I become overwhelmed by work again, and I want to be better about this. I just don’t know how.”

Jinyoung finally closed the distance between the two of you and leaned in until your foreheads touched.

“I’ll help you out, Y/N. I promise. In any way I can. I know you’re feeling anxious, but just know that you’re not alone in this. I’ll always be here for you.”

You sighed, feeling some of the tension release from your shoulders. You hadn’t known how much you needed to hear that.

You knew it wouldn’t be easy for you to go back to work. The stress and the worry would be back before you knew it, but you didn’t have to dwell on that now. You had the rest of the weekend to allow yourself time to get your thoughts in order, and you truly believed Jinyoung when he told you he’d do anything to help you. You could do this.

Monday arrived, and you once again came face-to-face with your workload. It hadn’t built up quite as badly as you had worried, but it was still daunting all the same, and you felt the familiar creep of anxiety when you thought about all you had to do still. But instead of letting it take over, you resolutely focused on only one task at a time. It made things more manageable, and although it was somewhat exhausting to pick up a new task immediately after finishing another, you felt bolstered by the progress you were making.

Besides, it was a little bit easier to get your work done when you knew what was waiting for you. Your phone buzzed at the beginning of your allotted work break, and a smile tugged at your lips.

You and Jinyoung had talked extensively about ways to help you keep track of your eating, and you had agreed to try taking more lunch dates together. Already, you could tell this was a good idea; as you left your desk to meet Jinyoung outside, it felt as if you were leaving your tension behind.

Jinyoung greeted you with a kiss and immediately laced your fingers together.

“Hey, babe. I was thinking I’d take you to this new restaurant I heard about. Originally, Jackson was supposed to go with me, but he took BamBam instead, so I guess that just goes to show that some friendships are based on lies. But enough of that. How are you today?”

You shrugged, your gait feeling light and carefree as you walked down the street hand-in-hand.

“I’m doing great,” you said. It was the truth, and it only got better from there.

[sundaynightnovels]

multiples of 10 for the ask meme!

hello, and happy chinese new year! thanks for the question!! i actually don’t exactly know which ask meme you’re referring to (i reblog a lot of ask memes don’t i???) so i’m assuming its for the latest one here because it’s the latest post i have with the title as ‘writer ask meme’? (please let me know if i got it wrong!)10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with 

 this is already difficult!! i actually still don’t know enough about the writing styles of the writers here, and i don’t have any writing friends in real life (okay... maybe i have like, one, but she does poetry and journalism and i don’t... but her writing is beautiful) so i really don’t know yet!! does anyone want to co-write a book with me ?? HAHA. for an author... hm............. rick riordan. i think our humour coincides sometimes, and we can bounce off stupid jokes on one another. i love cold humour and lame puns. also, i love greek mythology.20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on? 

 i think i’ve been really lucky in that everyone has been really encouraging so far. i mean, my friends and family know that i like to write and they always encourage me to, though they have never read my stuff before so maybe that’s only because they don’t know my capability (or lack thereof)... so the issues i’ve ever had was only with myself. i guess my advice would be like, remember that one tiny idea / concept that you had since young??? well, sometimes it manifests into an actual novel in adulthood, things come around, so you know, don’t ever fully give up on your ideas!!!when i was younger, i had a vague idea about writing something in the afterlife, but it never worked out. it’s very different from my current wip in that it’s a full-fledged fantasy that was meant to be epic with things like the worlds colliding and a powerful core and multiple realms and things like that, but that i never finished / started it and maybe it was never meant to be like that, because suddenly in my adulthood i’ve found another idea in the afterlife and it isn’t even close to what i originally had in mind, but i still love it, and maybe this is what it’s all meant to become since then. who knows? is this even advice????? i think it’s just mindless introspection. but yea, i guess that’s all i’ve got.30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works? 

i try not to read anything while i’m writing my own work (also, i haven’t read a book in... ages), so definitely that means nothing similar to my project as well! there’s always that inherent fear or accidentally taking someone else’s ideas and internalising it as your own, and while there are obviously tropes and concepts and intangible things that can always be found in similar books, it’s a fine line between that, and accidentally plagiarising something, so yea, i don’t want to fall into that trap of getting inspired by a similar story while writing my own. it might get a little complicated.

40. Do you look up to any of your writer buddies?

like i said, i don’t really know a lot of your writing styles yet, but i definitely look up to the writeblrs out here!!! there are so many writers with such strong, complex, intricate worldbuilding that i can’t ever imagine doing , people who have such strong interesting character and character relationships, and people with such amazing, crazy plots that i’m honestly so excited about, and of course, all of the great people here who are so welcoming and friendly and ahhhh, it’s a great community. i think everyone here is brilliant tbh, and there’s way too many people to tag here but all of you are amazing! i’m gonna pull an ellen degeneres here and say, to the great writeblrs out there, ‘you know who you are’ HAHA50. Do you share your rough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished? 

well so far i’ve only ever finished writing three first-drafts(2 of them are part of a series, and they’re still on their first drafts since... a couple of years ago. the last one is like all things out of season). for the first two that are part of a series, i was just honestly so glad that i finally finished writing something that i shared it with one of my friends. it is honestly a terrible book with pretty cringey writing and a weak plot, but there are still a lot of aspects of it that i like and i might rewrite it one day.for like all things out of season, though, i don’t want to share it at its current first draft stage, because it’s still kinda messy, the characterisations are a little all over a place (that’s why i’m working on the companion novel now, to figure the characters out a little bit more), and i think it needs a lot of improvement. and also another big thing because i see its potential (unlike my previous two, which have to really be completely scrapped and replotted and rewritten if i want to do it again) and that i think it can come together soon if i work on it for a while longer, so yeah, i’d rather wait till everything’s polished. also, i don’t know who to share my drafts with (none of my friends seem particularly interested??? fine, i don’t talk about my wip with them and a lot of them might not even know im writing something, but for those who i have mentioned it to, they don’t seem that interested. or maybe they don’t want to pry because they know i need my privacy, idk)thank you for the question, and i really really hope i answered the right ones!!!

[nemalionnicole]

Scenario 3: Lee Taeyong’s

[01:11 Taeyong texts you that he’s on his way to your place.]

               You were lying on your bed, just casually scrolling thru the latest ig posts of the people you follow when the pop up notification showed Taeyong’s message. At the shock of what you just read, you dropped your phone which landed on your face, the pain replacing the sleepiness you felt. You were fully awake by now and amidst your face massaging and grunts, you managed to call Taeyong’s number. Once the call got thru and he answered, you immediately bombarded him with questions before he even had the chance to speak.

               “What do you mean you’re on your way?! Why do you want to come over this early? Did something wrong happen? LEE TAEYONG, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO JISUNG?! ARE THE DREAMIES OK? WHERE ARE YOU?!”

               “Good morning to you too, I guess? And to answer your questions, nothing is wrong, Jisung is ok, the Dreamies are ok. Im sorry this was too sudden, I wanted to celebrate your birthday with you! And I meant just that, I was on my way. But Im already outside your house now,” you hear him laugh through the phone after he said that.

               You peer thru your bedroom window, and sure enough, there Taeyong was, in sweat pants and a black shirt, leaning back on his car with the phone still in his ears. “Hey, you. Good morning! Can I come in?” he asks through the phone while looking at you by the window. You gave him an incredulous look because he really was here! So suddenly and unexpected too, all because he wanted to celebrate your birthday with you? What a thoughtful dork.

              “No, you can’t. Bye Taeyong! Be careful on your way back,” you say as you made your way downstairs to welcome him inside. He was laughing harder now. He knew you were just joking and your footsteps were really loud, he could probably hear it through the phone. When you opened the door, he was already there holding a birthday cake on one hand and plastic bags filled with snacks on the other.

              You ended the call and tried your best attempt to plaster a deadpan serious expression on your face when you met his eyes. “Hey, don’t give me that look! I know you wouldn’t be asleep till three in the morning anyway. And besides, I brought cake for you! C’mon, let me give you a mini birthday party. Please?” he says with that full on pleading look on his face as he lifts his hands to show you all the stuff he brought. This boy really knows how to use his charm speaking abilities to the full potential. He knew you couldn’t resist him when he gives you that look.

               “Can I come in?” he asks again. You purposely counted ten seconds in your head before you answer him just to pretend that he can’t get you to say yes to him that easily. But he already knew what you were up to so he gave you a flick on the forehead while laughing at your attempt. You cleared your throat to hide your embarrassment, stepped aside to let him in, and locked the door once he was finally inside.

               “Alright birthday girl, leave the preparations to me. Just sit by the couch and I’ll call you when I’m done setting the table,” he orders and pushes you away from the dining room despite your protests. The boy was adamant though, you couldn’t tell him otherwise. And so, despite your feeble tries at resisting, he finally forced you to stay by the living room and listen to some songs on the radio.

               You watched him take out the snacks from the plastic bags from where you were sitting. He was walking back and forth from the table to the cupboards, probably looking for the utensils and plates. You were laughing at the sight of him getting flustered, mentally calculating how long it will take before he asks where they are. You payed him no mind, casually scrolling thru your feeds on social media when you noticed a pair of feet standing before you. Right where you wanted him, you internally laughed.

              He’s got this sheepish look on his face and you couldn’t hide the teasing smile starting to creep on your face. “You’re already done? That was fast!” you feigned shock and stood up from the couch to head to the table. “NO! WAIT! Im not yet done!” he says in a rush as he grabbed unto your shoulders to stop you from going any further.

               “I kinda rearranged the placement of the utensils, Taeyong. Just let me help! You’ll still give a mean mini birthday party even if you get some help from the birthday girl.” You can see that he wasn’t happy with what you were suggesting because he was starting to give you that pout.

               You flicked his forehead because of his stubbornness, then proceeded to make your way to the kitchen. He followed after you and the two of you worked hand in hand to finally set the table. Just as you were reaching to unbox the cake, Taeyong was already beside you in a heartbeat to stop you yet again.

              “NO, NO, NO, NO! NOT THE CAKE! Let me at least have the chance to do this right. The birthday cake is my duty,” he says as he holds the carton as far away from you as possible. You had that flustered look on your face at how fast he took it from you. One minute you were holding the carton, the other minute your hands were carton-less. He twirls his finger at your face, ordering you to turn around so he can prepare the cake.

              You just rolled your eyes at him, “Taeyong, what are you even? Why---“

              “Shhhhhhhh. Just turn around.”

              You did as you were told and a minute later you can hear Taeyong singing ‘Happy birthday to you’ as he circles around and brings the cake in front of you. You were taken aback when you saw the way he was smiling at you. You always knew he was gorgeous, but in this moment, his looks were magnified a thousand times more that you had to do a double take just to confirm to yourself that this boy was really real. You must’ve been openly staring because Taeyong cleared his throat to catch your attention again. You mentally cursed yourself. His good looks are too much to deal with this early in the morning.

              “Hey, are you ok?” he asks with a worried look on his face. You blinked rapidly to recollect yourself, cleared your throat with your eyes looking anywhere but him.

              “Yep. I’m good. Sorry. My thoughts are probably just flying everywhere cause it’s nearly 2AM,” you half lied. The other truthful half explains itself with the fact that you indeed get lost in your head during the wee hours of the morning. There’s just something about the quietness and coldness that makes you project your thoughts into space. But really, for this moment, it was 90% him and 10% the time’s fault.

              You blow the candles and prayed to God that you can make it through this event of his. Please.

              He finally puts the cake on the table and straps a birthday hat on you that shows Lightning McQueen’s face, and then one that shows Mater’s face on himself. He starts to laugh at your outfit, matching pajamas and a triangle paper hat on your head. He found joy in this because according to him, “This was not a sight he sees everyday!” Glad you can make him laugh then.

              After the teasing laughs, wrestling to get the birthday hat off, and forehead flicks, here you two were in the living room with full bellies listening to the radio. “I love this song!” Taeyong exclaims as Can’t Stop the Feeling continues to play. “You love every song that you can dance to, Tae. And you’ve been saying that to the past three songs already,” you matter-of-factly say to him. He gives you a cheeky grin and continued to rock his body to the beat.

              It’s probably been thirty minutes since the two of you started chilling in the living room and Taeyong was starting to move his limbs to dance at least more half decently than before. Where he got this energy this early in the morning, you never know. You were pretty beat so you just closed your eyes and tapped your feet to the beat in your seat across from him.

              The screeching sound of furniture being moved made you open your eyes and pull a ‘Taeyong, what are you doing this time?’ face at your guest. He laughs at you but makes no move to explain himself and just continued to move other pieces of furniture aside. You were too tired to argue with him and you knew he was going to put those all back later anyway so you just let him be. After he was finished with God knows what, he stood before you and asked you to dance with him.

               “HAHAHAHAHA! Look Tae, I know my heads out in space right now, but it’s not to that extent. You know I can’t dance to save my life!” you exasperated with matching arm movements. This was on another level of embarrassment. Catching you gawking was one thing, but dancing with him on purpose was another thing. You knew better than to dance with this dancing machine. You’ll look like a crippled bear dancing next to him.

              “Awe come on. Please? It’s just the two of us. And don’t worry about embarrassing yourself! That was just one time. Ten and Jae’s not even around this time so it’s good,” he pleads to you while doing the Macarena. You were not budging though and he was getting too immersed in the song so he stopped begging. For now.

              You two looked like this, him dancing to every song that played on the radio, and you just tapping your feet and nodding to him when he looked your direction in one of his dance moves every once in a while. You thought he finally gave up convincing you to dance, but when Long Flight played, he was in front of you again to do another pleading act. “Pleaseeeeeeeeee. We have to dance to this! It’s my song. You wouldn’t reject your buddy, right?” Oh God. You wanted to turn him down again, but he looked so hopeful and eager you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it one more time. And so, reluctantly, you stood up and did your best attempt at what you’d call a dance in a party move.

              “There you go! See? Isn’t this fun?” he asks happily while he dances with you. Kudos to him, he notched his dancing skill down when you agreed to dance to his song. And halfway through the song, you did realize that this was indeed fun. You guys weren’t really doing some Step It Up dancing, just moving your bodies to the beat and jumping around like crazed adults high on sugar.

              You didn’t imagine celebrating your 22nd birthday like this, dancing in the makeshift dancefloor in the living room with Taeyong, clad in your pajamas with the Cars birthday hat he bought still strapped on your head. It was just perfect how it seems that everything else was toned down and it was only the two of you allowed to be so vivid in this moment. Because it was only you and him dancing to My My My! at 3AM. Because it was only the two of you sharing this together. Yes, this was just perfect.

[wannawrite]

Call Me, Okay?

Hotshot's Junhyuk X Reader part one • you're a young producer from another company ( well i kinda envisioned it's your parent who's a well-known producer etc but you're the kid who studies abroad etc and you're coming back for this project. I know you could live with your parents but... your house is very far etc ) • Junhyuk takes an immediate dislike to you • but it's all good in the end • ft. created character love interest! trainee Jae Yong + Hotshot sons woAh first Hotshot scenario too wuu huu. Tysm for requesting anon, hope you like it even though ^ was confusing 😬 there isn't enough Hotshot, please support them even though Sungwoon is in Wanna One and Taehyun is debuting in JBJ !! - admin L IM SORRY I GOT THIS OUT SO LATE IM SORRY IM SORRY __________ It was the longest and most tiring flight you had taken, all you wanted to do was fall into a nice, deep sleep but no, you had to deal with so much paperwork first. And with a jerk. Coming to produce a song with a fairly popular group was any newbie producer's dream come true and you considered yourself lucky to have parents well established in the industry to pull some strings. Maybe your dad just tugged on the wrong one. According to their manager, all the Hotshot members had been anticipating your arrival, eager to start working on a new song for their half finished album. It was a great honour and responsibility for you to hold but you were glad for the opportunity and new friends. Hojung, Timoteo and Taehyun seemed the most welcoming and excited about your arrival. San was a tad bit more reserved but you figured it was just his personality. However, Junhyuk had completely ignored your presence, he seemed agitated and annoyed. You were appalled by his attitude towards you yet you couldn't blame him. When their manager had informed them that you would be staying in their spare room ( their manager's room but let's say he's gonna take a break for awhile ), Junhyuk looked so angry you swore his jaw was going to crack from all that clenching. Once you all were dismissed, he stood up and stormed out so harshly you could hear the soles of his shoes slapping even from far away. Taehyun could only manage to shoot you an uneasy smile and reassure you that it was only a temporal thing and that Junhyuk would come to his senses. That was a week ago. You had comfortably moved into 'your' new room in their dormitory, and since you lived with them, grew closer as friends. You also bonded well with some other trainees at Ador&Able / Star Crew Entertainment. ( i hate their new name i'm sorry, ador&able for life ) With the new friendships found and new music to be produced, you tried to push aside Junhyuk's hatred he channeled to you. Of course, that was impossible. As much as he hated you, he was around you almost every second of the day. While they were practicing, brainstorming for lyrics, trying out new beats, you were constantly with them. Every time, you could feel the intense stares Junhyuk shot at you, he also minimised contact with you. Timo had to give you his number for work purposes since he was so salty. You really couldn't understand. Why was he being so unprofessional? Perhaps the fact that you lived with them made it worse....... whatever, I'm sure he has his own reasons. "Y/N, hello! We're going out to grab a coffee, would you like one?" Hojung offered, beaming as you fumbled with the sound system. Your train of thought was broken by the maknae's sudden question. Still, you nodded and thanked him gratefully. San's steady rap could be heard from the next room so only him and Junhyuk were around. You smiled at his verses, appreciating how much smoother they sounded proved he had been working hard. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Junhyuk entered. He sighed when he saw that only you were present but sat down on the sofa anyways. "Hi," you greeted, not really expecting any reply. To your surprise and probably to his too,  he answered with a, "Hello, Y/N." The way your name rolled off his tongue effortlessly made your heart flutter and heat rise to your cheeks. It took awhile for you to calm yourself down. Minutes of awkward silence ticked by. Then, Taehyun burst into the room, coffees in hand. "We're back!" He announced. San joined the rest from the other room, seemingly happy with the arrival of coffee. "Hey, you didn't get one for me!" Junhyuk exclaimed but not in a serious scolding manner. Hojung shrugged. "Oops, sorry. Must have ordered wrongly." "It's okay. Junhyuk, you can have mine, I don't really need one right now," you said, pushing your cup to him. Junhyuk's eyes widened significantly. "Serious? It's okay though! It isn't your fault." The tips of his ears tinged red, he fiddled with the rings on his finger. "I'm fine, really." You dismissed it with a flick of your wrist, shoving 'your' cup of coffee into his hands. He managed to crack a small smile, the first one directed to you. Things did improve from there. ... Just not as much as you wanted. He still avoided you and limited contact, occasionally smiling at you before disappearing someone else and not returning for at least a couple of hours. You just assumed it was his personality. He worked fine when it came to the song but it didn't seem like he was interested in making friends. Pity, he seemed like a nice person. Well, at least you had grown close with the rest of the boys and with some of the other trainees you bumped into regularly at the studio. One of them was called Kim Jaeyong, he was a trainee. Jaeyong seemed nice and acted friendly towards you, he often complimented your producing skills although they had yet to be honed. He also always found an excuse to spend more time around you so it was no surprise when he asked you out on a date. You tried to keep in on the low for his sake but Taehyun managed to bewitch you. Initially, he squealed but quickly quietened down when he found out the name of this trainee. He dragged you into another room urgently. "Do you know how much of an asshole Jaeyong is sometimes? Why? Y/N, why?" Shock was written all over your face, was Jaeyong a liar? How could he have acted so well? Maybe it was a misunderstanding.....

“Out of all people, Jaeyong. Oh my god.....but I won't stop you. It's up to you, okay? Just don't do anything stupid. Make sure to put him in his place if he steps out of line," Taehyun warned before leaving, he looked like he wanted to kick Jaeyong someone There was even more protest when the rest of the group found out. San found it ridiculous, Hojung looked like he wanted to punch Jaeyong and Timo just shook his head in disappointment, sighing. "Out of all the great people here, Y/N, it had to be Jaeyong. I have nothing against that kid, he just needs to learn his place sometimes," he grumbled. Junhyuk was the only one who wasn't exactly expressing anything emotion about it and a part of you sank. Why had you wanted him to pay attention to you in the first place? "I think we should all support Y/N. We don't get to make any decisions, Y/N does. Let's help her if she needs any? Okay? Y/N, if you ask me, I can help you a lot with hair and makeup," Junhyuk finally suggested. You smiled at that, at least someone was being supportive but you couldn't help but feel a little disgruntled he hadn't sided with the rest of his friends. Sure, Junhyuk was attractive enough to make you fall for him immediately but it was that cold exterior he put up that intrigued you to no end. You knew how caring and sweet he could be sometimes and lately, he had been showing a tiny bit more of that side to you. You wanted him to open up to you too. Your arms wrapped around Junhyuk's wide shoulders as he leaned against the couch. "Yay! At least I have someone who supports me!" His face turned red and it was hard for him to look you back in the eye with a genuine smile on his face, you supposed it was because he wanted the redness to fade. Hojung's lips curved into a smug smile, he sauntered out of 'your' room with a skip in his step. "Goodnight, Y/N!" His fellow bandmates sighed before chorusing their respective good byes and heading off to bed. Leaving you with a mind filled with jumbled thoughts. 

I SPLIT IT INTO PARTS BC I WANTED TO GET SOMETHING UP BUT THE REST AREN’Y EDITED FULLY YET I’M SORRY

[overwatch-imagines-hub]

im currently on my period and in a lot of pain so could i have either mccree, reaper, or 76 comforting ftm!reader? i love your work a lot btw!

I’m so glad you like my writing! I hope these make you feel a bit better!

I chose to write McCree and reader is pre-transitioned ftm. 

~~~

“Why do we have mandatory movie nights again?” You maneuvered your way through the meeting headquarters turned movie theater, making your way to a couple of squishy white beanbag chairs a good distance away from the holoscreen that would be projected movies in moments.

“Mandatory make friendly night,” your scruffy Southern beauty replied from behind you. McCree stood watching the growing crowd of Overwatch members, hands full with a bowl of cherries and strawberries and a container of whipped cream, while you positioned the the chairs closer together and plopped down into one.

Looking up at him with a grin, you cooed in a slightly awkward imitation of your boyfriend’s accent, “Come along, li’l doggy. Movie’s startin’ soon.”

“I don’t sound like that,” Jesse grumbled, easing himself into the beanbag next to you. He worked his way through the whipped cream’s plastic seal and popped it open before grabbing a strawberry to dip into it.

You watched his actions with a chuckle. “If you eat the entire bucket before the movie starts I’m not coming with you to get more.” You shifted in your seat to get comfortable, then made a face.

The brunette cowman looked at you with half of a strawberry sticking out of his mouth. “What?”

“I think I sat in something,” you replied, wiggling in your seat again. Suddenly, your stomach flipped and tightened into a cramp and your thoughts changed. Instead of getting up as originally planned, you recoiled into yourself a bit, pressing an arm across your stomach and looking away from your partner.

“Hey, are you okay? It’s not a huge deal, we’ll just tell someone and move seats.” Jesse, who had finished the strawberry and was now more than a little confused, lightly touched your arm.

You yanked yourself away from his touch and looked him in the eye. To his surprise, your face was bright red and your eyes were watery. 

“I can’t get up,” you murmured hoarsely, “I got blood on the chair.”

His heart fluttered in a little inward panic. He was among the three people, the other two being your medic Mercy and your recruiter Soldier 76, who knew that you hadn’t yet fully transitioned yet; everyone else just knew you as a man named (Y/N), which was the cause of your sudden distress.

After his brief shock faded, McCree gave you a small encouraging smile. He slipped an arm around your shoulder to hug you closer and rested his chin on your head. Lowering his voice, he crooned, “Listen, it’s fine. It happens–”

“It’s not supposed to happen!” you yelped quietly. You sniffled and pressed your face into his neck but otherwise didn’t move from your current position.

“No, you’re right,” your boyfriend muttered. He placed a kiss on the top of your head before continuing, “Unfortunately, it still does happen sometimes. You an’ me, we’ve all been through this at one point or another. Don’t worry, it’ll be just fine, sweet pea. I have an idea to get you outta here without anyone noticing yer current situation. Trust me?”

“Of course I do, Jesse, but what exactly is your–” Your sentence was cut off by a screech of your own as Jesse dropped the entire bowl of cherries and strawberries into your lap, coating it and your legs and the chair beneath it in red juice and fruit. The noise you’d just made coupled with you jumping to your feet caused more than a few eyes to look your way, and you looked at Jesse in what was supposed to be betrayal until you noticed the now-empty chair next to him.

Well, not completely empty. In the seat’s impression was a puddle of blood red fruit juice slowly being absorbed by the seat itself, with several cherries and strawberries resting in it. No period blood in sight, just red fruit juice.

Your person itself looked a similar way, with red juice coating your lap and spreading to your backside via the fabric of your sweats. Your bright red face and wide, teary eyes would have been mistaken by anyone else as a sign of shock and embarrassment due to your boyfriend’s “clumsiness.”

Jesse gave you a barely noticeably knowing smile before a mask of mock shock covered his features. He quickly hopped up began picking the fruit up the fruit now strewn across the chair and floor and putting it back into the glass bowl it’d come from.

“Dammit, I’m sorry (Y/N)!” he briefly glanced at you again before continuing his show for the audience of concerned or annoyed Overwatch members. “My hand’d slipped while we were talking and the bowl fell right on your lap. Let me clean this up the best I can and we’ll go get you cleaned up, yeah?”

At this point, all eyes were on the bumbling cowboy, aside from Mercy and Soldier 76 who you noticed were talking off to the sidelines; they seemed to be smiling and exchanging glances between you and Jesse, which made you blush again.

“What about my chair?” D.Va made her way over with a huff, arms crossed over her chest. Examining the chair briefly, she let out a whine. “That’s never going to come out!”

“Tell ya what,” Jesse picked up the beanbag chair, which he’s managed to fold so the stain wasn’t visible, and hauled it over his shoulder. “Tomorrow, I’ll take ya to buy a new one.” He gave her a little pat on the head, then walked over to you. He wrapped his free hand around yours, gave you a wink, then helped you waddle your way out of the room before Hana could express her protests.

It was a quick and silent trip to throw the soiled beanbag in a large trash chute, then to make your way to the room you and Jesse shared. When there, he opened the door and ushered you inside.

“See?” he said, breaking the quiet and causing you to turn to him. “I don’t you no one would notice a thing.”

“Except that you’re a klutz,” you commented with a soft smile, “and now you have to go shopping with Hana tomorrow.”

“Details,” Jesse replied with a chuckle. Then he walked over to press a kiss to your lips before smiling sweetly at you. “Go hop in the shower. Get yourself cleaned up and I’ll bring you some clothes, and I’ll take care of the dirty ones. It’s gonna be all fine, darlin’.”

You almost teared up again but stopped yourself, instead giving your cowboy a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek before shuffling to the bathroom. You left your clothes outside the bathroom for Jesse to toss in the hamper, then drew yourself a hot shower. 

Twenty minutes of washing up and just soaking up steam later, you finally forced yourself to get out of the shower and you were greeted by a pile of fresh pajamas sitting on the closed toilet seat, with your binder, a pad, and a couple painkillers sitting on top. You couldn’t help but grin at the clean little affections Jesse provided, despite being the rugged seemingly dirty cowboy that he was.

After you took the painkillers to numb your menstrual cramps and got dressed in the pajama pants and large T-shirt your boyfriend left you, you padded back out into the main room.

Jesse himself had stripped down and put on a pair of sweat, and was laying on the head with his feet by the pillows and his head hanging off the other end. He’d been watching the bathroom door, waiting for you to finish up, and greeted you with a large goofy grin when you exited.

“As usual, you look nice in my shirts,” he commented, rolling onto his stomach and resting his head on an arm.

You responded to his compliment by sticking out your tongue. You then hobbled over to him to press a kiss to his nose before climbing onto the large bed and laying across his back, making a plus sign of people across the mattress.

“Well, this wasn’t quite the position I had in mind,” Jesse chuckled and rolled back onto his back without moving from underneath you.

“Sorry, my stomach is trying to kill me as punishment for being a guy and this position makes it a little more bearable.”

“See, even your uterus knows that it shouldn’t be there.” Your dorky cowman snorted. 

“Don’t worry, uterus,” you patted your lower abdomen. “Someday we’ll both be happy.”

“And I’m here with you every step of the way,” Jesse murmured. His hands began to roam to the parts of your body that he could reach, lightly kneading and massaging your warmed skin. 

You hummed tiredly in response and placed your arms behind your head. Eventually, between the painkillers doing their magic and Jesse’s loving hands, you were able to doze of into something like a deep, dreamless sleep. 

[soullesscoyote]

All the asks

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?My process for naming fics is eitherA) a joke name because i can't help myselfB) or a name that just sounds like "yeah that's a fitting title name"B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?Plenty! I try to follow the rule "write what you know" in a way to convey maybe something I've experienced, but also use it to write what I don't know about.For example I have a lower middle class family, but to write a more well off family i base it on things I've seen and experienced when younger like those times we got home from the grocery store and that first day with a ton of food and i felt like i wouldnt have to worry about eating a ton of it, or even back when i was younger (7) with a loft bed and having all my stuff organized with a spot in my room had me feel really content with my life where i felt like i had everything i wanted and couldn't ask for more. I had a 3d puzzle of the inside of a frog, an ant farm, a hamster, a framed picture of a praying mantis, a very small binder of pokémon cards, a room painted green and at that age and time felt like my life was really together despite not knowing how to articulate it. It felt like my own personal space that i had control of so to write a well of family i try to write in things that give off a similar feeling of a well put together room except a entire house that way where everything feels like it has its place. If that makes sense.C: What character do you identify with most?In Marble Hornets, Jay Merrick who just wanted to help everyone despite how many time those people tried to kill or hurt him.In Voltron, Keith in terms of not always feeling like I belong in groups and sometimes struggling to understand myself. Also Hunk whos a very caring person with a big heart.In Be More Chill i relate to Jake where in freshman year of high school i worked really hard to be the best in my classes to a point that id cry from stress every night.Jeremy feeling unimportant and more like a background character with nothing really notable about him compared to everyone else.Brooke feeling constantly like she's second best to Chloe and people using her.Christine being unsure of what she wants in life as she nears the last year of high school where she feels like she needs to decide.Rich while unsquipped seeming like he hardly knows how to handle himself in social situations and seeming incredibly anxious without a squip also being a big nerd D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?Typically if its a musical depending on viewpoint i listen to songs with those characters in it.In other things its songs that give me a similar feeling to the thing i'm writing (for example i imagine things as color pallets so i try to match them with the colors another thing gives me. Or the corresponding emotion i feel/need to feel as I write a scene.E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?Starting From Square One? The sequel would be more of Rich adjusting to life without a squip and living a pretty happy life with Michael and them going about their lives be it them going to college and struggling or as adults with jobs and trying to figure themselves out during that since i kinda feel like life is constantly a thing of trying to figure yourself out.Out of the tons of Voltron Fics probably more on Keith being glara and the lives/background behind the galra species with how it affects keithIn hu it's hard to say. A lot of them would be hard to find a way to make sequels of but considering Starting From Square one is the only fic i managed make myself work on currently i wouldnt say its impossible to find/make sequels for any of those ficsF: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?For Be More Chill http://archiveofourown.org/works/11671890/chapters/26267448 Both because its from Michaels viewpoint and it definitely doesn't seem to go out of its way to make Jeremy a monster and make Michaels personality center around hsi panic attack like plenty fics do.G: Care to share a favorite crack fic?I'm not too big on crack fics because i personally love really long fics with character development. (crack fics are good, for me it's just my preference where most of the time i'm not in a huge mood for them) but i know this one has been p funny https://my.w.tt/UiNb/v4KNrRgajJ H: How would you describe your style?Id say i write in whatever sounds right in my mind while i'm reading to fit the mood of what i intend to portray. Its really hard to sayI: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?Already answeredJ: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].Starting from Square Ones Alternate ending would be it ending where Rich snaps at everyone and it would have a sequel of everyone in the squip squad meeting Rich in college after not seeing him for an entire year. They'd find who took online classes because he didn't want to see anyone and was still pissed and during that time he had gotten several jobs and was barely even supporting himself with how his dad doesnt care for him. (potentially where he may take up selling drugs) and everyone does try to apologize but it takes awhile for anyone to convince Rich they actually mean it.K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?In Starting From Square One there was a scrapped idea of everyone actually hating rich and him trying desperately to convince them it wasn't his fault he started the fire only when everyone finally does get proof from Jeremy who actually understands Rich's struggle because he had a squip longer Rich hasn't gone to school in well over a week and has goes missing because he's hiding from his dad. L: What's the weirdest AU you've ever come up with?I based one on a dream i had which was like a Xiaolin Showdown, meets high school au, meets almost one pieceLike if you touched these specific items they latched onto you and gave you abilities that typically corresponded to an animal or gave a animals trait to you like enhanced sense of smell, stronger legs for jumping, wings etc. It wasn't fully thought out or planned so it's a very vague idea.M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?Im writing bits and pieces of terraverse, its hard but i'm getting somewhere with it! There's others but they're like aus based off dreams that i'm yet to figure out how to explain or develop in a way they make sense.N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?All of them tbhO: How do you begin a story--with the plot, or the characters?Typically plot first and then i'll add characters to match the plotP: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)It's a little bit of bothI try to plan in advance but as i write Point A going to Pont B i do find things in the story that unfold as I go and then proceed to go to my planning to find a spot to mention it again later.For example i mainly planned on in Starting From Square One that Rich would have known Michaels older brother from when he was a kid but didnt know his last name therefore didn't know he and Michael were related and as I wrote more in my planning it sort of unfolded as I wrote and became me writing in that Michaels older brother dropped out of college because of how stressful it was and Rich gos to stay with him and that's when he finds out michael and him are brothers.Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?While writing if i decide suddenly I want to change something I take what i've already written of that version and paste it into a Google doc of scrapped ideas. That way if i can find a chance to implement them in another fic or other point in a chapter even if written differently i can have the general idea for what i may have intended to go off of.R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?None in particular but I feel like a little bit of everything I've read and written influences my writing since i always find something somebody may have written i want to implement in a fic.Not like their idea. But small things like reading people write about Michael's parents did influence me to include Michaels parents in my fic. Not the same way they did but it was something i read that had made me stop and realize.I never considered what some of these character's families and cousins and such are thinking as they may hear about this from another viewpoint like Michael’s, Jeremy’s, Rich's, Brooke’s, Chloe's, Jenna’s, or Christine's.S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?In voltron (before it became canon) i liked a trope that Keith isn't as angry as everyone makes him and actually is just really defensive and afraid of being seen as weak to everyone else because lance seems to constantly go to pick on him for things.In Be More Chill i stand by the Trope Jake is really smart just perhaps Ditzy and gets really excited over something and struggles to pay attention to the other details because of a long theory and research i did with all the extra curriculars jake did paired with his need to be the best. T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?G o dIn Hollywood Undead stuff I always hated Aron being an unreasonable asshole by default.In Be More ChillJeremy's character being reduced to having been an asshole to Michael because it erases how they were friends for TWELVE YEARS and Jeremy in the bathroom did say "I missed you" TO MICHAEL. Or how Jeremy did have a lot of stressful shit happen to him minutes prior which made him get really defensive over the squip.Everytime people center Michaels personality around his panic attack i love 7 years to my life because they only go as far as Michael hates himself but never even delve into things like how Michael said to Jeremy how he wouldn't be glad to see him after he heard about his research on the squip Kinda like he anticipated Jeremy wouldn't be happy and Michael had a feeling Jeremy wouldn't outright be happy about it.(asks cut me off hold up)

[astraltraveller]

not an end to all the endings.

so i guess the last time i made a post about this, it was late aug ish. early sept maybe. i remember being crushed after. i remember feeling used because rarely does a guy want to have sex with me and not want to date or try someting. especially when the guy seems like a good guy. and i remember so fondly of the hope that surged the night of. when i got that apology msg and actually felt like maybe there was something there. my heart lept. it surged. it was a rushing and hopeful feeling, the feeling I had rarely exdperieneced from my history of being with someone who didn’t nkow hwo to appreciate me or apologize for their mistakes. itw as such a breath of fresh air and deep down inside i had a feeling that he was going to do a 180. i din’t think he would ask me out to date me, but i knew it would be at least asking for a second chance. and a second chance it was. i remember not expecting to go to a nice place at all. i remember walking agood 15 min to a nice, hipster, refreshing, new start place. I wanted to say that iwanted to go back ot that time but i dont know if i really do. I dont know if anything will change.i rmember tryign ot put off the conversation because i knew what was coming and my heart was saying this is it and my head was saying this is too good to be true. And i had just finished being hurt, i didn’t think there would be a second call. I just didn’t want to deal. When it finally poured out what was really up, intnerally i was jumping for joy because it was even better than waking up from a bad dream. It was as if you turned back time and could change it all. Coming out of a bad dream means just that. It doesnèt affect what actually hpapens. Fror me on that day, something actually changed. Iwas happy. I was grateful. I never felt that way before about a guy being so forward with an apology. it felt so nice. it felt so mature. for a while i believed this was something different. it was like a fresh start. I felt hopeful, I felt liked. I felt like someone made a mistake and was trying to get me back. it was like with soumil but … more raw. without such a big long mistake. it was a short pinch, an injection with an old school vaccine. rough and hard but it’s so fast it really barely has time to make a lasting impression. it doesn’t leave longing. it leaves soreness that feels good, that feels like life experience.it was thrilling. i remember it was suhc a heart to heart. i was quite happy in that moment ot hear, even indirectly, that this person had in fact not meant what they said, that they actually would consider dating me, and that they made a grievous mistake, grievous enough to backtrack and fix it right away. to swallow one’s pride.

I did find it strange shortly after that there was some distance. there was chatting, but i recall it as not quite on the same wavelength. they didn’t show up often. it wasn’t reliable. i would later find out that it was a tooth infection, being sick, and being busy.

bad liars always lie.

I believed him though. i believed it because those things happened. i lamented to amit about it. hwo annoyed i was. how at the coffee shop he had suggested going for lunches and then going to drinks. (never dinner, oddly). to which i always said yes. was always thrilled. was on the defense and never offered first because i had jsut been hurt and was cautious. even initiating of messages was liek that. i was playing this weird game wherei would avoid talking last because i noticed he would always type a message after. i woud also rarely initiate, a what’s up, etc. pictures became less frequent.

a side note. i will talk about this more later but i actually spent most of my train ride today pondering why things ahd changed. wondered if is houd say something. not sure waht to say, so i scrollled through all the messages from the beginning. realize that he talked on an almost daily basis. lots of talking points. long messages. lots of pictures. i don’t know where that went. if anything, wouldn’t your interest be piqued and you feel more comfortale sending them later?  iremember when i went to visit mill in canaidan thanksgiving. i remember awaiting messages. i even played the mute game because i ddint want to know. evenutally i got a reply ot a picture i sent pretty promptly but i didnt ralize til a day later. i was internally a little devastated because i remember that during my interview trip, he had messaged a lot, not only to check in on how i was, but also to send pictures. liek the blender bottle. and stuff from the cottage. and i don’t know why i epxected that to happen again. but even by then things had changed. this was after the coffee. i was thinking to myself, what did i do wrong? where is this clarity? i knew deep down my gut instinct to message him and send one of the few tumblr drafts i had just didn’t come off right. it evolved from

I don’t want to be saying this because you don’t owe me an explanation, but I think it should be noted that the way you’ve been treating me has really been

I didn’t want to say this, but I think it needs to be said because it’s just straight up not respectful.

did i say something wrong? I feel you’ve been quite shunning lately and I’d appreciate if you were more straightforward. i feel really confuse and it’s making me a little uncomfortable

did I say something wrong? I feel shunned and it’s confusing

it doesn’t feel straightforward

did i say or do something wrong? based on how conversational you’ve been, I don’t think I need to tell you why I’m asking

did I say or do something wrong?

I was looking relaly intnetly at the messages to see when mine had been seen. i knew something was up when i looked and saw that he was active and just didn’t view it. and then he saw it, almost an hour later. and that was 10 min after i opened to check. my heart sank. i messed up didn’t I? I said that I do’nt like excuses. but it was prefaced by omething he brought up. and i didn’t talk about his exucses lately. but what i really wanted to say was, care to explain? the day after the hotel, you saw i sent snapchats but didn’t open them for hours. finally oepened it to send a message. nice, but short. a couple of smileys. i then sent a text reply. unread for 4 hours but was active on fb. then i sent a video which got seen quickly. then a reply iwthin 10 min. then i knew by then that the shunning was on so i decided not to engage fully. no smileys, short. no furahter conversation.

with each iteration, I projected less and less blame. partially becuase it sounded caustic. partially because i didn’t think itw asrigiht. mainly because he’s leaving to the new office probably by next week. did i want to leave my last imrpession, with no smeblance of possibly hanging out, as an awkward, hanging-in-the-air immaturity, act of pointing fingers, blamingand blaming, the same way as i had done shortly after the coffee confession (when I said i went too easy on him) and after I scalded him for being a flake? was that the impressi on ireally wanted to leave? any possibility of spending time would be nill. and we’d never see each other by necessity.

i didn’t want to take a shower and give it a thoguht. i wanted to press enter and be done with it. i wanted to tell myself that maybe he would message. maybe he would fall asleep arleady and he just wouldnt see it and id have to stare my message in the face knowing that i couldnt change it. becuase he wouldn’t reply ot it right away. iknow this from experience.

but i did. i took a shower and really thought about it. it became, very quickly, “did i say or do something wrong?” because this was short, curt, a genuine question, not salty, not inflammatory, and not incendiary. it was a genuine short question.he would either answer yes or no.

and then it hit me while i thought about it. do i need to send this message? what will i learn from this that i don’t already know? nothing. i already know everything i need to know. i was just trying not to face it. hojin told me. and it makes perfect sense. if you like a girl, you don’t play gamees like that. and you certainly don’t backtrack 100% and go from snapchatting how im doing and dinners and food and leading to naughtier talk and quick responses to how im feeling, to not sending a single picture except a certificate. to taking 8 hours to open a snap. to open. messages. that takes a special kind of potential to use. it’s the kind where all you just want is to get laid. to satsify the curiosity that i probably had sown by sending my vibes. and a freaking snap story wit hthe blue one. i’ll awlays wonder if that woudl have happened if i had just not sent those. would there still be more of that excitement, that ambiguity? did i give it away too early?

I really enjoyed the time in the hotel. i really enjoyed that night. i was really, much like myself when i had the coffee that time. i was so thrilled that he wanted to have dinner with me and offered the whole takeout thing. it was relaly sweet. he was kind. and oh was he horny. i mean we ate for an hour and talked and … and oddly enough, after the sex iteslf it was so… almost relationship like. it was strange. it was … intimate? i remember things that i won’t say in detail, but esentially the fingering at the movies, the asian pr0n, wanting to fuck me since we really started talking,the kissing at the end as if he couldn’t get enough. and me, in a daze… “see you on monday”.

what was i really thinking? i was giddy. i did notice as well, there was no messaging when he got home or i did. not even a simple one. to ask if i had gotten home safe would be silly, i didn’t leave. but was that not his role? wouldn’t it have been strange of me and extra clingy and oxytocin-highed  to ask if he was home safe?

perhaps it would have been. and perhaps i should be glad i didn’t. i was surprsied to see that i didn’t get any messages from him after my lsat. he didn’t owe me any. but i just didn’t expect that. i thought, surely if he was so intent on having dinner, snapchatting so often, messaging, heavliy flirting.. saying that he should have kissed me the time penney gilbert came by… all the while (not drunk)... surely.. a message? a good luck? a “i hope it’s going well”. nothing relatoinship-y. i mean, clearly i didnt need to say that because i was writing a test taht started well early in the moring, which is why i was in the hotel in the first place. and i didn’t finish till 1. at which point i promptly snapped a picture. and i walked with baited breath and worked half-aware, waiting for that vibrate. waiting that maybe there would be some interest in me, in my work, in my day, in hearing from me. but there was none. not till much, much later taht day. so late in fact, that it was 11pm on saturday night and i was pissed enough t odecide not to open it and wait till morning. i was pretty devastated. had it all crumbled so fast? what did i last tell him before i left? “how is this different from last time?” “because if i didnt have to go, i would stay”. oh really? says who?

I was hurt, yea. I didn’t think that i fell off the radar of being important so quickly. it went from me being “slow” replying in 15min, to him taking 5-8 hours while during awake hours and being clearly active elsewhere.

I chalked it up to being busy. I didn’t want to be insecure. but there was something inside of me that was realizing i was being shunned. it hurt. it was so drastic it was so.. fast. it was so soon. it was so ruthless. it was so deliberate. it was so uncalculated. it was done so easily, like it was clearly his only choice. “why would i do anything else?” it’s like the coffee conversation never happened. it was like the no-words version of “what are we?” “i’m not ready to date”. i thought things were different. not that i expected to date, no that i expected any dramatic proposal… but .. never did i think i’d be shunned. it’s like i got whipped around really quickly and was scrambling for the first explanation.

but when you’re in defense and cautious, you don’t think of pragmatic solutions. you think of comfortable solutions. you think back to the first time we went out after i mentioned how this was a shitty situation. we went to duke’s refresher and bar and it was a good time. we talked about everything, but specifically about christmas market. it was really nice. i had a great time. that’s what makes all this so jarring. i know this is the case because i messaged him first for the snapchat on sat, the vid on sun. and then the facebook link about russia being outted from peyonghcnag on tue,then wendesday about meetings on wednesday. it’s clear. i think i was in denial. and it really didn’t truly hit me until about an hour ago. it was when i raelized, that usuually after good sex and a good connection, i like to replay the situation in my head. i only had one chance to do that while still giddy and no semblance of a change was present. and taht was the 4am morning i woke up on the morning of lsat. i couldn’t sleep after and i rmeember lying between those king bed sheets and thinking that i was so lucky and happy. on the bus ride home, i was tired. i was sad. i didn’t get any messages back. they weren’t even opened, which somehow hurt even more. i didn’t masturbate since that night. I just don’t feel it. it doesn’t make me horny. it makes me sad. it makes me horny only when i feel that the enjoyment is reciprocated, that we’re both equally giddy and excited about what went down. i couldn’t do it though. I haven’t been feeling it. because i know that something didn’t sit right. it didnt’ feel like last week, or any week before that. conversations were short, blunt, cut off by other people without returning, and nothing was initiated.

i think this is the beginning of the end.

it make me sad because we went on proper dates. we went to the christmas market, which was a great time. it’s a romantic, couply place. i like looking at it on instagram, other peple posting pictures fromit, becuase it’s so sweet. Ifeel like part of me won’t be able to handle christmas markets the same. it feels like a sham. i felt something, i felt wanted, enjoyed, shown around, in a pretty romantic, couply, festive, really one of a kind environment. ther’s really nothing like it. the crowds suck but i had lots of laughs , like when i took some poor pictures for some people in front of the christmas tree. like when there was a light tunnel with a heart at the end of it that we were awkwardly dodging. like when we had mulled wine, hot choclate, cider. like when we had a nice walk there and back. and while i write this i just cant help but think, did i do something wrong?

the dinner, c’est what. it was nice. good chats and it turned a turn as usual. blew off other skype calls for me. it was nice one on one time. time just flew by. i really liked it. we chatted about everything. like always. i like talking to him. i like his humor. he said he liked me, and he still does. and i gave him a second chance. and i gave in. and we did it. and this is what i get? i really don’t feel like i deserve this. but what  can i say?i don’t have to ask what it means. i know what it means. it’s just that up to an hour ago, i didn’t really want to admit it.

coudl i ahve not been salty about excuses? maybe. but i didnt say that to him. it was pretty benign. maybe he just really didn’t have anything to say. i mean, when he mentoined the coffee thing, i already said that that was really nice of him and i appreciated it. but i think it was a nice way of me mentioning that i know what’s up. he wan’st oblivious. i also could have done a “oh no questions, it was easy :D” and asked what he was up to… but let’s be honest. what did i just go over? i’ve been shunned. was i gonna play dumb and act like none of that ever happened? it bothered me. ti’s been bothering me since i looked at my phone on saturday… and was genuinely surprised. taken aback. didn’t expect that in a milloin years. nothing. and nothing on monday.

sometimes i get twinges of , “ should i have said something?” but i realize the only thing I’d be showing is that I can be petty, that i complain. actions speak louder than words. there is no explanation that would do his choice of actions justice. it’s self-explanatory. it’s not an accident what he chose to do. its clear that i knew what was going on. i was not oblivious. “I don’t like excuses”. in fact, to drive that home, I made the right decision to not say a thing. because im not interested in hearing what excuse there may be. i also don’t really need an explanation for whether or not i said or did something wrong. what would it tell me? maybe it’d tell me if I actually did somthing wrong (and the shunning was really self-inflicted), or if not, it was a change of heart on his end. but me wanting to hear from him was less of trying to get an answer to my question, but rather to get a response. to let him know that i know what’s up. but it’s already evident. I said I don’t like excuses. and really my actions in the next while will say more than i think. I won’t be as smiley, I’ll be friendly but guarded. I get it. he’s just not that into me. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

I’ve been counting in my head, the presence or absence of him, by the days of the week so carefully in the back of my head, every week. especially those since starting in september.

my days became marked by whether or not i saw him. what we talked about. did he come visit? did we chat? not even just if we flirted, but if he dropped by. for how long? were we alone?

i feel like i’m mourning. i’m mourning because there’s a beautiful office down the hall that’s almost done, that’s almost able to be moved into, december 12. that’s next week. he said another thing , that it’d be nice to come and visit. im scared. i’m scared that after that, there’s no reason to catch up, there’s no reason to chat, there’s no reason to check me out or pass by each other, or to get coffee… there’s no reason. different rooms with keys that don’t work. down the hall but yet barred apart. ther’es just no reason. talking ot him now is like pulling teeth. granted, him asking me to drinks and things was done over messaging, but we’re going to become those sort of people… that sort of friendship where you check in once every 2.5 months to ask how life is. and that makes me sad. because that can happen as soon as 5 days from now.

we talked about something on the 11th. his mom’s going to costa rica. that was the plan, to go to his place, to essentially have sex. you know, wiht privacy and stuff. but that requires an invitation. and i was trying to warm up to it by initiating messages. even though he’d try to chat in person… it would quicly become something else. something...clinical. something that woudl be interrupted. my excuse comment would ahve just been maybe, something he just didnt have a response to. wouldnt’ be the same time. but if the week goes as it already has been since last saturday, there will be no meetup next week. which is ok. i am not really sure i want to have sex. im not in the mood as of now. I’m really not dying to. what i want more than anything is a chance to talk without talking about the possibiility of a relatoinship, just to talk about what has been. he did say we could hang out before then, but that was, of course, while he was horny.

and thisis minor, but him playing dumb at me reutrningthings at eaton center was a little jarring. he’s not an idiot. he knows what i was returning. and he acted like he didn’t want to say a single thing about it. or bring it up. it’s like it’s being suppressed already. and i dont get it. you don’t have to love me. i don’t love you. but are you sure you’re not using me? this hurts.