#but I've outgrown these relationships and don't want to waste my time on them anymore

[no-one-hears-me]

I need to make new friends so I can stop putting up with these losers

[ina-nis]

Have been really into mirroring/matching other people's efforts in relationships these last few months.

It tells me so much more about them than words could ever.

It's very funny to me to see that low-stakes, low-effort, low-maintenance connection crumbling right in front of their eyes and them being unable to pinpoint what's "wrong."

Granted, it's the kind of thing that might work for people who are actively and/or actually looking for low-maintenance relationships, of any kind - which is not something I want to waste energy or time doing myself.

Oh, so I start looking cold, distant and uninterested, right?

Guess what? This is exactly how you're coming across for me!

And, again, as I've been saying over and over, my being understanding and accommodating only goes so far: it will not work for me if I'm misunderstood and not accommodated either.

So... this is something you'd need to have a conversation about, right? "Hey, I love chatting and being with you but it's hard on me when I feel like I'm putting so much work into this on my own" because what usually comes next is either surprise, or "sorry, it's because [reason outside of their control]," or a genuine willingness to change that ultimately takes no where because the change is not coming from oneself, but from a desire to retain a relationship, among other things...

Unfortunately, I don't really have the energy or patience to have these kinds of conversations anymore.

From experience, most the time when I'm dealing with connections that start like this or become that way over time, there are several things that will be irreconcilable, that will end up not working for me long term. Compromises that will not be worth it, and sacrifices I'm not willing to go through considering they will be one-sided.

I have outgrown some of these connections before even starting.

In this place of acceptance, where I have to live with the pain loneliness causes me, my solitude is very much sacred. It will take a lot for someone to be worth my effort, and that's fine.

I'll likely never lower my standards or expectations, or loose my boundaries as a way to connect again, and that's also fine.

I'm usually the one to take that first "risk," of talking first, of reaching out first - after all, I know how hard that first step is, so... look, I'm trying here! I expect to see that effort reciprocated and that's very much the bare minimum for me.

I'm not low-maintenance. Why would any of my relationships be like that?

I feel like I'm putting the energy I want to receive myself out in the world and I'm not receiving it back. It really sucks.

But it's nothing to fret over for long, as I'll walk my own path even if I'm by myself, and I'll be fine.