#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying

[welcometogrouchland]

I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors

[myceliacrochet]

Reblog if answer tysm!!

Buckle up people this one hurts.

Our society is pretty scared of people who are in great pain, even offended with them.

The feeling I get when speaking with Hala and reading her posts is, here is a person who has been undergoing psychological torture for 400+ days without relief.

True of all Palestinians in Gaza -- just the overwhelming impression I get with Hala.

And Hala Farid Suleiman al-Najjer is not someone who complains over small things. She maintains a trust in justice and goodness, in patient longsuffering and God's plan.

She is incredibly resilient

She is steadfast

She is screaming

She is screaming into the void

She is screaming at an unlistening world that has made and broken promises to her, a world that watches with glee as she and her people are tortured and killed.

I've said before that speaking with Hala can be disturbing. I'm scared of what I'm seeing happen to her.

Of course, we ought to speak in the active voice -- what Israel and the U.S. are doing to her right now, on purpose.

If your tax dollars have ever gone to the IDF, or if you are a person of privilege in some way (recognizing that that is not a criticism of you), here is a beautiful chance to pay some reparations and relieve some suffering.

A coward hides from the people who are suffering the most in the world, reprimands them, reviles them to mitigate his own cognitive dissonance.

A person of honor and courage loves.

Hala mentions in her GoFundMe that they pray that an angel will rescue them.

I believe in human angels -- a vast village of people working together to help.

You know, we mostly see on here the tip of the iceberg -- the Palestinians who have somehow been able to get vetted, show the exact right pictures, say the right things, learn how to use Tumblr.

It's my impression that Hala does not have the strength to do more than she is doing (which is a lot more than I would be able to do in her place).

Hala and her family much, much prefer that donations be sent through PayPal. They arrive faster, and this family needs swift relief.

Due to this, it is hard to track her donations, especially because it pains her to talk about any of this so I try not to pry. But it sounds like they have rarely ever gotten donations.

However, they also have a GoFundMe if the donation protection is important to you.

Vetting: Clean RIS, donation-protected GFM. I apologize that there is no vetting information for her and a couple of the Palestinians in my life. Use your own judgement. If it's a con, it's a weird one that doesn't follow the patterns I'm familiar with. Actually, it doesn't even follow the patterns of the kind of legitimate campaigns that are essentially manipulative (an understandable tactic when your family is dying). It's just screaming in despair and a wretched hope beyond hope.

Anyway, if you want to volunteer to help her apply for vetting, be put in contact with her, or offer verification info, please dm me.

@commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria @mangocheesecakes @kyra45-helping-others @7bittersweet @321butz @monika-396 @erameteors @tortiefrancis @ot3 @amygdalae @ankle-beez @dykesbat @aristotels @komsomolka @prisonhannibal @rosawo7 @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @heritageposts @watermotif @stuckinapril @mavigator @lacecap @determinate-negation @deepspaceboytoy @paper-mario-wiki @kibumkim @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @rooh-afza @knownoshamc @the-awkward-reblobber @soft-sunbird @cockworkangels @dannyketch @cramenjoyer @oreobunny2 @fireyfobbitmedicine @muminshoom @thedigitalbard @timogsilangan @tboynut @wildfeather5002 @fancy-feast-official @honeytonedhottie @cheloneuniverse @roseillith @thelastharbinger

[softxsuki]

Hiiii I hope you're doing okay! I would like a urgent request with Itadori, Levi and Sanji please? Btw, it's pretty heavy topic, i know it's what your urgent requests are about but still-

The headcanons with a gn!s/o that got new prosthesis legs? (Fluff/comfort please)

-------

I lost both of my legs at 5 years old because I had a heart tumor and oxygen levels problem and my legs didn't had enough oxygen so I eventually couldn't move them anymore so they amputated them and I got my first pair of new legs at 7 years old, the heart tumor came back at 9, 12 (this one gave me cancer) and 17, right now I'm tumor free (im 19) but I still stay in the hospital all the time since my oxygen level is still low, I've never lived outside the hospital for 14 years, I mostly made friends with everyone at the hospital and I love playing with the youngest patients but it's been really hard on the mind and sometimes I have to get IV because I can't eat because of it, 2 weeks ago I got my new legs and I'm super happy about them, obviously, but it's been a bit hard to adapt to them and for the mind since it's a lot, I can't even look at the scars, I also spend a lot of time in the psychology block to help me cope and get better

So please, can I have headcanons where s/o gets new legs but have a bit of difficulty walking in them and mentally? Thanks! <3

By the way, I love your blog and thank you for these requests, I love your writing and you're amazing!

Itadori, Levi (AOT), and Sanji Support You When You Get New Prosthesis Legs

Pairings: Itadori x Gn!Reader, Levi (AOT) x Gn!Reader, Sanji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of amputations, prosthetic limbs, mental struggles, health issues

Genre: Comfort, Fluff

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In they comfort you when you struggle to walk in your new prosthesis legs, along with the mental struggles you face

[A/N: Hellooooo <3 Idk if you're new to my blog or not, if you are, then welcome, glad you found me, but if not, then I'm glad to hear from you anyway! Can I just start off by saying how amazing you are? I complain about things in my life so much when I probably have it easier than so many others out there. You're a true fighter and I'm so proud of you for getting through everything you'd faced thus far. I'm so glad you're alive and tumor free in this moment. I pray it remains that way so things get easier for you! As for these headcanons, I did as much research as possible to make this accurate, I'm probably still way off, but I did my best :( I'm still confused on when to use Prosthesis vs Prosthetic, BUT hopefully I did okay. I hope these hc's provide you with some comfort! You asked for fluff so I assumed that meant these were romantic?? Please let me know if that isn't the case, I can always edit everything and make it platonic! Anyway hope you enjoy <3 I'm here if you ever need anything <3]

Itadori:

Itadori was always in the hospital visiting his grandpa after school, so it’s only natural that he eventually met you

He noticed you had two prosthesis legs, which made him curious–that’s how he first approached you

After learning your story and seeing you more often, he eventually fell for you and asked you out, which you hesitated at first. How could a relationship like that work? Did he really like you or was he just feeling pity for you?

Yet it did work out, years after Itadori’s grandpa passed away, he continued to stay by your side through everything, showing you all his love and support

So the day you received your new legs, he was right there with you, glad to see you happy with them, though there was always that hint of frustration and sadness behind your eyes

You had trouble walking in them at first, they were heavy and different from the ones you had before, you knew it would take time to get used to, but struggling to walk was very frustrating on you

Thankfully, Yuuji was always there to help you out

He’d take your hand and slowly walk with you in the hospital hallways, helping you regain your balance whenever you lost your step

“You’re doing great,” he smiles, squeezing your hand

There was never a moment when he wasn’t encouraging you and cheering you on; he knew what you’d been through and what you’re still going through, so the least he could do was bring some positivity and happiness to you whenever he could

On harder days where you were mentally exhausted, he’d continue to be there for you

It was hard for you to look at the scars on your legs, a reminder of the amputation that had happened all those years ago. Wishes of having a different life like all the other people your age, it was tough

“You don’t need to look at them if it’s hard. They’ll always be there and we can’t go back in time, but I love you as you are and you should too, Y/N. You’re a fighter and I’m sure so many of the younger kids in this hospital who are going through similar situations, look up to you. You’re so amazing and I love you so so much. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how you continue to fight for yourself.”

He knows there isn’t much he can do for you. After all, he didn’t know what it felt like to lose both legs at a young age. He had no clue what it was like to be in a hospital your whole life because of a heart tumor that continued to return and left you with low oxygen levels, he had no idea

But what he did know, was that he wouldn’t let you go through it alone anymore; he stayed by your side years ago when he first met you, and he’d continue to remain there, doing anything and everything in his power to bring you joy and love you to the fullest

“You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry. I’ll be here for you no matter what,” he says, kissing the back of your hand as you continue to practice walking in your new legs, with Yuuji by your side

Levi:

Levi frequented the medical ward due to all his comrades and friends that passed away or got gravely injured during ventures into the outer walls and later in the areas within the walls that harbored titans

So he was bound to run into you at some point, and when he did, it was when you were playing with the younger kids in the medical ward, you had a bright smile on your face, yet he noticed your prosthesis legs, knowing you’d probably been fighting your own battles

He’d catch himself watching you every now and then whenever he found himself in the medical ward, you were attractive and your spirit also seemed to draw him in, he couldn’t help it

Sometimes he’d even show up at the medical ward when no one he knew was there, he just hoped to catch a glimpse of you

This continued for a while until one day you met eyes with him and he awkwardly looked away, but figured he’d seem a little weird if he just left, so he approached you and made small talk with you

He enjoyed talking to you more than he thought he would and eventually you naturally got closer, leading to being together romantically 

It was now the day when you received your new legs and Levi quietly sat in a chair in the corner of your room, watching the doctors set you up in them

Levi is a man of few words, so he just carefully watches their every move, listening to their instruction before they leave to give you some privacy

He stands as you stand to get used to your new legs and hovers by your side, his arms ready to leap out incase you need the extra support

Let’s just say even though he isn’t very verbal with his care for you, he’s super attentive and shows you he cares through his small actions

Frustration is written all over your face as you struggle to get used to them, you felt tired of your situation at times since it was mentally exhausting and Levi understood that well

As a soldier, he’s lost so many comrades and friends along the way, feelings of helplessness and wanting to give up deep inside him; he assumed you felt the same at times in regard to your situation, but he wanted to make sure you knew you had him around if you needed him, you weren’t alone in this

“I know it must be hard dealing with this all the time. Though, you’re braver and stronger than half the soldiers on my team, Y/N. Despite everything that life has thrown your way, you’ve faced it and moved forward, I really admire that…” He says awkwardly, yet in full honestly. He wasn’t used to opening up like this verbally so often…

He’s ready to help in any way he can, and at night when the doctors are gone and the lights go out, he pulls a chair next to your bed, as his hands trace patterns on the skin above where your prosthesis start, leaving gentle kisses to the skin, his eyes shining with love and admiration for you

He loves all of you, even your prostheses and he wouldn’t change you for anything

Levi always makes times for you at the end of the day when training is over and he has nothing else to work on

Drinking tea with you in your room and reading together or listening to you speak is the highlight of his day, you bring a light to him he never had before, and he’d do anything to protect that

Sanji:

Being part of the Strawhats was always a wild ride, but how did you get here?

Luffy and the crew had visited your island and he was instantly amazed by your legs, yet seeing you stuck in a hospital room felt off to him, so he invited you to join the crew to go on all their adventures, giving you the opportunity to see the world that was out there

After all they had a doctor on board, so you were in very capable hands with Chopper who always did his best to care for you

And of course this was how you met Sanji who was drawn in by you the second he saw you

It didn’t take long for him to ask you out repeatedly which you refused several times, until you realized that his feelings for you were actually genuine

Only then did you become a couple and he treats you SO WELL

He treats you like a delicate flower, making you the best foods that are easy to eat, yet still provide you with all the nutrients you need to live (whenever you do have the appetite to eat)

Franky had just finished making your new legs, thanks to Choppers detailed instructions of what you’d need and it was time to try them out and of course Sanji was there with you

“Careful with that, can’t you be more gentle?”

This man is so protective over you, poor Chopper is getting fires of questions thrown at him as well as Franky, as Sanji questions whether this is really the right fit, and if it’ll do you good

 He just wants the best for you, especially with these new legs, but once he sees your smile as you try them on, he relaxes a little

You have a hard time walking in them at first, needed to get used to the new shape and weight of them, and being on a rocky ship didn’t exactly help either, but Sanji is right there to help you whenever you need it

I think he’d even be a little too clingy at times; one hand around your waist as his other holds one of your hands…he just doesn’t want you to lose your balance and fall

Sometimes he sees your frustrations and holds you close to him whenever you have mentally draining days where things are just extra difficult for you to face, but at least you know you have his support

“Everything’s going to be okay, my love. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I swear I’ll do what I can to make it easier to bear”

And of course the way he knows to comfort you the most is through his hugs, kisses, and with his cooking of course

Warm soups are probably your favorite, they’re easy to eat and comforting as you sip on them, but he’ll make you your favorite treats as well if you’re ever craving them

Sanji does worry a lot about you, but he’d never let you see it. He just wants you to be happy and healthy, so always seeing you on oxygen in Choppers office pulls at his heart strings, but he’ll put on a brave face for you and give you all his love and attention

If you need anything at all, just tell him and he’ll get it for you, even if it’s just something as simple as wanting to hold his hand…he’d run to you in a second to make it happen <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 08/12/2023

[kuu-stuff]

20 October 2024

Got a bad case of art block again... I guess that I start to stress about my comic being good enough again. I delayed this week's part and now only drew like a page per day, what's kind of bad... I feel kind of bad in general, for some reason. Since last week I've been quite depressed and can't focus on anything. And I sleep like 3h per night then another 2 or 3 later in the morning. I don't have energy for anything and it's building up my anxiety. The weather is a little weird too, it's cold at night outside so we don't have the ac on but during the day it's still way too hot but going between cold and hot like that makes me sick. This country is really cursed ah ! ✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰ Since I'm been feeling down it was the perfect time to think about "This time I can share it with you", because it's a depressing story. Yeah you don't know it yet but I poured all my life-saved desperation into it. I'm looking forward to work on it too, it feels like an itch to wait another 2 weeks to do it. I'm still thinking about whatever make it extra sad or have them being cute and happy sometimes. I think both of those idiots are a little bit destroyed beyond repair so it would be more logical for it to go badly on every levels. But I also want to find a believable way to make Silas feel a little better at least. He really cornered himself there... I get it why the author let him die at the end of Da Vinci Code. Anything else would be worse. I mean, the guy had nothing his whole life, was nothing and has no purpose at all. He literally saw himself as a ghost most of his life and then when in prison he was waiting for nothing else but to die. And after being saved by the bishop he seems to not even being super buddy buddy with him, he was mostly admirative of him and wanted to repay him for giving him a life. And he really thought he could do it in the book, thus why he's so smug and all, he really believes he's doing something good, good in the sense that it will bring something good for the bishop and the Opus Dei, he does know that he will have to repent for it for the rest of his life. All he wanted is to be someone. To have a purpose. And to prouve to the bishop that he was right to believe in him. So when it turned out to be a ruse and fell for it so easily, going against everything he believes in as a monk, the bishop learning way too late that he made him kill 5 people, it broke the only image he made of himself since he was a child. It was his only chance at being something. Because even as a monk he was just a monk. With no real goal or future but praying for forgiveness and hoping to someday repay Aringarosa. And at the end all he did was to disappoint him and bring him misfortune. Fucked up. Brown is so cruel lol. His personality is hard for me to get right because his sides of him mix in a way that is hard to understand how he'd behave in situations. Sometimes he's super cruel, sometimes he seems to not care much, sometimes he cares too much and sometimes he helps people and worry for them and seems generally kind. It really depend on the people and the situation. I mean, I get that but I don't know in what category place Sasha. And there is a wide range of emotion he's shown having in the book. And since he's been alone most of his life he might not be able to connect to people at all. So I'm still analyzing him lol. But I love my boy and I'll find a way. Also since I made Sasha even more fucked up in every aspects I'm myself fucked up in, it makes me indulge into very bad thinking working on it and sometimes it goes a bit far and I make myself depressed lol. Poor lady. Silas only being a random dude to her, only makes me wonder how I possibly could make her happier too. And Silas is not the kind of person who could comfort her at all. Ah lala... That story is not going into a great direction is it ?

[windvexer]

Hello I hope this ask isn't unwelcome, I have been interested in the things you talk about recently but every time I try to get into practical stuff my research says that I must obtain materials that I myself cannot get. What would you recommend I do and what approach can I take that would require more commonly found things? Also where would you recommend I get my information from?

Im sorry I realize these are multiple questions,,, feel free to ignore :)

Hello!

I looked on your blog for pictures of a cat whom I assumed was named Pebbles, yet I found none. I hope you will remedy this at your earliest convenience.

You don't need to obtain much in the way of materials. I myself place great importance on the utilization of physical objects in practical spellwork, but many people do not. There are practices out there which are purely mental/astral/energy work, and do not use any physical tools at all. Looking into these practices may be beneficial to you.

Although I do place importance on physical objects, I don't do much in the way of tools, and if anyone's looking for opinions, I don't recommend beginners really start with tools at all.

Cauldrons, wands, stangs, athames (athemes?), little bells and mirrors, magic bowls, all that... you don't need 'em for any act of magic. I've rarely ever used any tool and mostly just wasted a lot of money on them. My most used tools are fire-safe bowls and plates I use to give offerings and hold candles. From what I've seen, getting real and powerful utility out of a spellcasting tool takes a lot of time and effort to build a relationship with that tool and learn how to use it. So unless it's something you're ready to focus on, I say skip it.

When it comes to spell ingredients, your spice cabinet has everything you need. I use tea lights and incense from big-box stores, here you can get 100 tea lights for about $5 last time I checked. I also like to use my hobby materials for spellwork. For example, using clay to make spell vessels or using my yarn for knot magic. But you don't even need candles or incense, depending on what you're doing. Even when physical components are required you can get away with using very, very little stuff.

I really don't recommend going out to buy a ton of crystals or minerals, either.

It's hard for me to give specific recommendations since I'm not sure what you're interested in or what sources you're looking at so far. But as an example, I cast a spell last week which was just my intent and spiritual symbols written on a piece of paper. I folded the paper up and tied it with some string I had around. Then I prayed over it, asked it to be blessed, and left it on my altar. I burned a stick of incense to help empower the spell, which I didn't really need to do, but I like burning stuff.

And it manifested beautifully a couple hours after I put it down and walked away.

Remember that a lot of modern witchcraft is still heavily influenced by the highly ceremonial roots of Wicca. There are some Non-Wiccan witchcraft books that really sit you down and tell you to gather 7 sacred objects and buy 5 expensive resins to prep a magical ink to initiate your "witch tools" just so you can even begin practicing.

Bah to all that, I say. What you have on hand will nearly always suffice.

[spookybreadstick]

I'm sorry, Breadstick. I will be praying for your grandmother, for sure the doctors will be taking good care of her. Family fights are inevitable but everything will get better, at that moment they are the closest people physically to you so enjoy, stay close and take care of each other. Family is one that is united even in the most difficult moments.

about your important decisions, I know you made the best possible choice, sometimes there are decisions that destroy the heart but fix our lives, so always try to look on the positive side of things

I'm going to take my afternoon off to study some school subjects that need my attention too. I went through the height of humiliation last week, I cried while studying because I couldn't understand the subject that the teacher taught in class. When I finished I just put my things away and went to take a nap

I had a lot to do at the restaurant that I work at last weekend. I take the orders for delivery (I don't think I've ever taken so many orders). And when the shift ended I went to help organize the invetory

my face was bruised after the shift, I have to wear two masks together (a simpler hospital one under and a thick fabric one over it) and a face shield

my classmates made fun of me at school this morning because i have a huge red mark on my forehead and my hair is still not big enough to cover it (at least the mask covers the bruise on my nose)

I have plans for tomorrow, I'll take my little sister to see the sunset in a clearing nearby, I'll take the opportunity and draw a little bit

I think I talk too much, sorry.

I'm sending you kisses and hugs! 💖💕💓💜🧡💚💖❤️💜💛🖤❤️

good luck with your schoolwork! I'm sure you'll be able to catch up. Don't demand too much of yourself

ily 💖💕💞💝💖💞

-dancing parrot 🐦🎶

Aw, thank you so much dancing parrot!! This means a lot to me <3

1)  It is extremely kind of you to pray for my grandmother, so thank you. I will give an update under the cut on her health, so anyone who doesn’t want to hear about it can skip that. 

2) Yes, my family and I have all made up by now! It’s just hard when you’re living in the same tiny house and there’s nowhere to go. 

3) The more I think about it, the more sure I get that I did make the right choice. Whatever happens next is out of my control, but I did my best to make the best decision possible and I know that I’ve done what I can on my end. 

4) Oh God, raise your hand if you’ve ever cried in school✋✋✋✋✋

I cried once in fourth grade because I didn’t understand and once in seventh grade. I also cried once in third grade, like full on sobbed, because my mom was sick and the doctors didn’t know why (it was like a really bad flu, except it wasn’t the flu and it lasted a while, and to this day the doctors aren’t sure what the hell that was but it certainly scared little-me). I’ve also very nearly cried in class, like I had to leave the room, for math-related issues a couple of times in the past. And I’ve cried not in class, but in the school building, for anxiety reasons, many times. I try my best not to do in front of people, but sometimes people know that I’m tearing up and need to leave because I’m about to have a panic attack. Shit happens. I know it’s really embarrassing, but crying is a natural human reaction and you know, like I said, shit happens. Crying it out isn’t the worst thing in the world when you think about it. And sometimes you just gotta stop and take a nap after. Rest and refresh. 

5) I have a friend who used to work at a pizza place as the person who handled the delivery and to-go stuff, and she quit after a week, so props to you! She told me that she’s never been so stressed and also her manager really sucked and didn’t teach her how to do the job properly so she had to figure things out mostly on her own. The final straw for her was when the manager wanted her to train the new hire after she hadn’t even been here for a week yet. She was way too stressed so that just sent her over the edge and she quit. I feel for those who work in the fast-food or restaurant industries. I could never do that. When I had my pre-pandemic job at the grocery store, I got stressed out when it got busy, but grocery store busy is nothing compared to fast-food or restaurant busy. 

6) If people were honestly making fun of you, then fuck them honestly. You’re working hard and they probably don’t even know the definition of hard work. A bruised face from the masks just means you were being responsible and caring for the safety of others while you did your job. Nothing wrong with that at all. 

7) I hope you and your little sister had fun!! Sounds like a great little trip for the two of you!! 

8) Sending you kisses and hugs back!! And don’t worry, you don’t talk too much :) 

- breadstick 🥖

~~~~ Update On My Grandmother’s Health Under the Cut ~~~~

 Unfortunately, the doctors gave a diagnosis: Stage 3 Lung Cancer.

 It doesn’t come as a huge shock, she’s been a HEAVY smoker for decades, but it’s still somehow surprising too :( Like even though we all kind of knew at the back of our minds, it’s still unexpected in a way. She will be undergoing treatment, and that will give us hopefully a few more years. But it could potentially be a few months, depending on how her body reacts to it, which is a scary thought. The doctors are learning towards a positive outlook with a couple more years though, so that’s good. It’s just sad to know that like, this is what will kill her. There is no cure, and the doctors are certain that one day the cancer will kill her, whether it’s in a few months or a few years. It’s weird, because the last time I saw her she was fine. She’s been so careful about pandemic, and really never leaves the house, so we got to see her every couple of weeks since we’re both not going anywhere and being safe. And our last little visit, she was totally fine. It feels sudden and not real, but I know the reality will set in soon. I think it’s like that for my dad, too. We’ve never been super close to my grandmother, not like some people have deep bonds with their grandparents, but we’ve been close enough and she’s our family, you know? So it’s just sad. Trying to be hopeful about it, but there’s also just the facts that we need to face, too 💔

[leelee10898]

Fast cars and freedom: Papa don't preach (1/?)

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Rating: Mature on all counts. Young eyes look away.

Word count: 1, 458

Summary: Ellie returns home and struggles with keeping the past behind her.

This is my take on ROD, and AU where Ellie (MC) leaves for college, taking more then just her luggage along. After 6 years she returns home and struggles with her past. As always if you would like tagged. Lemme know!

Also a special thanks to @riseandshinelittleblossom, @brightpinkpeppercorn @katurrade and @blackwidow2721 for the push to go for it.. you guys rock!

Ellie sat back with her eyes close against the airplane seat. Luca soundly sleeping in the seat next to her.  Her nerves getting the better of her the closer to L.A she got. Ellie worked hard to build a life on the East Coast for her daughter and herself.  Making the dean's list every semester, graduating on time despite the statistics of a single mother. Everything seemed to be working in her favor that is until she lost her job due to economic downsizing. She had two options, take the job that had been begging her to work for them since before she graduated or settle for something else in the area that barley kept them afloat. Her father refused to relocate, and the fact he was getting older and living alone helped her make the choice.

So here she sat, in an airplane headed back to the one place she dreaded going back to. She knew where Logan was, or at least what he was doing these days. He promised Ellie he would turn his life around, and he did. He started working for a racing company, it wasn't long before they made him a driver and he was quickly becoming quite famous.

Colt on the other hand she wasn't sure what he was doing these days. He left before she did, without so much as a goodbye. The events of everything hitting him hard. She had hoped he went back to school, got his life together and stayed far away from the lifestyle he was born into, the one his father tried so hard to keep him from.

Her mind took her back. She had just been dropped off for a date with Logan when a cocky jerk on a motorcycle started talking to her. He was annoying and arrogant but he was hot, and something about him made her want to know more. She fought the urge to push farther as Logan approached saving her from herself.  

“see you around, sweetheart.” the man spoke, and she silently prayed she would.

“come on Ellie, let me show you around.” Logan took her hand as they walked through the cars and bikes. “Wow!  This is amazing, I never knew a place like this existed.” She gawked at the sights around here. “It's the only life I've ever known.”

“Well, I'm glad you're comfortable sharing it with me.” She winked.

“Helps to be good at it too. Gotta earn respect out here.”

“You don't have to prove anything to me Logan.”

Logan arched his brow “Sure I do. I have something to prove to everyone,  especially you.”

“Oh really? And what do you have to prove to me?”

“Well, I have to prove I'm worthy of another date. You hungry?” Ellie smirked at his words “More than you know.”

She followed him to a food truck surrounded by a ton of people.  “Logan, my man. How you been? Haven't seen you around in a while.” they slapped hands and hugged. “Ellie, this is my cousin Vaughn, Vaughn Ellie.”

“Nice to meet you Ellie. Logan doesn't bring girls around here, so you must be special.”

His words making her blush.  Was she special to him? She hoped so, the kiss they shared the night before still heavy on her mind. He was fun, carefree,  Dangerous and sexy, all the things her father warned her to stay away from, but she couldn't, she got a little taste and she craved more.

After eating and Logan's run in with Kaneko he pulled her onto the makeshift dance floor. The base and lights pulsating around them she looked hesitantly into his eyes. “I ah. I can't dance like this, I don't know how.”

“I somehow doubt that. Let me show you Ellie.” He pulled her flesh to him, their bodies moving with the music, she was still hesitant. “Relax Ellie, I've got you.” she heard his deep voice in her ear. The music changed to a slower Rhythm, she let herself get lost in the feeling “where did you learn to dance like this?” She questioned.  

“Around.”

“Around, like girls?”

“Sure, girls played a role. Mostly clubs, get togethers. Dancing is one of the only legal things i'm good at.”

“I'm surprised dancing like this is legal.” she giggled.

“Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it can lead to trouble.” he  pulls her closer his fingers trail across her sides, across her stomach and back up to her jaw line. Their eyes locked on one another,  she couldn't look away, the things he was doing to her, she wanted more. He leaned down his lips capturing hers slowly. Her fingers tangled in his hair as she melted into the kiss. Everything seemed to disappear, the music,  the cars, the people. His hands gripped her hips as he pressed against her. She could feel his hard length straining against his pants. “Mmmm Logan.” She gasped as his hand slipped under her shirt.

The song ended, the sound of loud exhaust pulling them from the moment. She pulled away a smile on her face, she looked just past Logan as her her eyes locked on a set of dark brown eyes  watching her. He smirked as he walked away.

******

“Mommy. Mommy.” She felt tugging at her shirt. “What? Im awake. Im awake.” she shot up banging her head against the overhead compartment. “Ouch.” she sat down holding her head. “Are you ok mommy?”The small girl giggled. “Yes. Mommy is ok, what's going on?” she rubbed her forehead.  

“the man on the speaker said we're in California.  Are we here mommy?” Luca bounced in her seat.

Ellie looked out the window. Sure enough there it was, she was home.

They exited the plane, and grabbed their luggage. They walked out to the pick up area her eyes scanned the crowd until she found him. “Grampy.” Luca squealed as she took off running.  “There's my sweet pea.” He threw his arms around her squeezing her tight.

“Hi daddy.” she leaned in to hug her dad. “Ellie, sweetheart. Welcome home.” it had been a year since she seen him, he had finally retired from the police force. After the brotherhood he was never the same. Her father was a good, honest cop, seeing the amount of corruption hurt him more than he let on.

They pulled up to the house,  it was just as she remembered it, The same with the inside. Her father had not changed a thing. “Thanks for letting us stay here until we find a place, dad.”

“of course, stay as long as you like, stay forever if you'd like.” he spoke with excitement,  his smile reached his eyes. She hated being away from him for so long, she missed him terribly and Luca love her Grampy. “I know, no matter where I am, this will always be home. You know, as long as there is plenty of Bacon and pancakes for breakfast.” she joked.

“Pancakes and bacon. Yaaay.” Luca jumped up and down cheering. “of course, only the best for my girls.”

They got settled, and ordered pizza for dinner. Ellie got Luca to bed in the guest room her dad set up for her. Since they would be living in L.A he wanted her to have a room at his house for whenever she stayed. Ellie found her old photo album from senior year. She picked it up, running her fingers down the leather spine, before sitting it down. She walked down the stairs finding her dad in the kitchen. “Not tired yet?” He asked scooping a bowl of ice cream. “Na, jetlagged I suppose.” she grabbed a spoon joining her dad on the couch. They settled into a comfortable silence, just sharing the bowl of cookie dough ice cream,  just like they did when she was a kid.

“So, since you're here in L.A, you gonna finally reach out to them?” Her dad spoke,  still eating his ice cream. “Dad. We've talked about this.” She dropped her spoon into the bowl.

“Yeah, and you always said you lived there, it wasn't that easy. You're here now El, everyman desrves the right to know hes a father, and Luca has a right to know who her father is. And so do you.”

She ran her hands down her face. “I'll think about it ok.” She got up, kissing her dad on the cheek.  “I'm gonna head up, good night dad.”

“Good night kiddo. I love you.”

She made her way up the stairs. She would go to bed, but her dreams would be haunted by the two people she tried so hard to push out of her mind for 6 years.  Her dads words running through her mind. Luca had a right to know her father, if only she knew which one it was.

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[strawberry-milktea]

1)I feel like God doesn't show me any signs or gives me any answers and at times it gets very frustrating. I ask for him to give me an answer or to give my parents a sign because they also pray for me but... nothing. Is there a possibility he has been giving me answers and I've just not been paying attention? Will he ever give me an answer? I'm not in school because something came up that I had to drop the semester (I believe it was God, which leaves me wondering because my mother and I have

2) been asking God if he wants me to continue school. I finished my associates and certificate a couple months back and everything was going smoothly till the first day of class I had to drop the semester due to finances. But I also have been finding it hard to get a job, I’ve been applying like crazy since I turned 18 and now I’m 21 and still nothing. I’m just so lost, and I ask God what it is that he wants me to do and sometimes I get so scared. So how do I know when he is giving me an answer?            —Hi there,When we ask for an answer or understanding of what to do in a situation, there are times when He doesn’t give an instant answer. There can be a variety of reasons.. my personal experiences have shown that it’s commonly because the timing isn’t right yet and I am forced to wait until His timing for things to fall into place. When He is working “behind the scenes” to open the right doors, I’ve found that it can often feel like doors you are seeking are closing in your face and you’re coming up against a brick wall - because these were the wrong doors and not where He wanted you to go. Since we can’t see everything like He does, we tend to panic and want to rush things into place in our favor as quickly as possible. But many times, God’s timing is not as quick as we would prefer.. However, it’s worth the wait to go according to His will/timing because what He has planned is better for us than anything we could try to force by our own will. I’ve learned that He has used waiting times when I wasn’t entirely sure what direction to go to push me to rely on/trust Him more and stop trying to force things to go according to my timing and plan instead of His. There was a period of time where I was between jobs for many months and I felt very frustrated, nervous, and unsure at many points.. similar to how you are feeling right now. I applied for many jobs, but it felt like a struggle just to get an interview with how job market is. I remember with one interview, I was told by the boss’s secretary that the boss “really seemed to like” me. I was so hopeful that I was going to get this job - only to find out at a later point I did not receive it. In that moment, I was very discouraged and felt like I would never find anything. But a few months after that, God allowed everything to fall into place in the right timing and I got a job at a different place. Everything fell into place was in such a way that the entire process very natural and unforced.. after all that waiting, suddenly it just all came together. That’s often how He works - things feel like they aren’t changing at all for the longest time, yet in what feels like an instant, every is different and that long awaited answer is finally there. Interestingly enough, I found out at a later point that the other job I thought I would get involved horrible work conditions where employees were mistreated and the boss who seemed to like me was someone who was known for acting inappropriately toward female workers. I blindly wanted that job so badly in the moment and had no clue back then that the Lord making me wait and closing that door was actually an act of love and protection. He caused me to dodge a bullet and spared me from heartache I didn’t even know would have been. So many times, our waiting can be Him protecting us from something we think is good for us but in reality is not.I also experienced a substantial amount of spiritual growth during that waiting period. Not knowing where I was going drew me closer to Him. He used that time to deepen my learning/understanding of the Word and it was around that time that I started receiving asks here. I also got the courage to get involved in a church for the first time since I had been born again, met and befriended brothers and sisters in Christ there, and I had the chance to participate in community outreach events. When I had been born again and left the Catholic church, I didn’t attend a church for a very long time, mostly out of fear to go to a new church by myself where I didn’t know anyone. So Him helping me have the nerve to do that was a pretty big step forward for me.I understand so well how easy it is to fear during these times. Waiting is still something that I’m not the greatest at, but I think I am better than I once was. I think it is possible for us to miss when He is leading us in a certain direction and I have no way of knowing for sure whether or not that has happened for you.. However, it very well may be you are simply in a season of waiting and He wants you to trust and rely on Him and His timing. I suggest to bring those fears to Him when you experience them. Instead of focusing on fear (which is a product of the enemy attacking), allow the Lord to use the time you have while you wait to strengthen your faith. Use the time to dig into the Word/study it and pray. Maybe even get more involved in the events and/or programs your church has to offer. Once you are working or going to school full time, it’s more difficult to have as much flexibility to be involved as freely in various events/programs. So take advantage of the free time you have and fill it with things to glorify Him and help others, instead of filling it with fear and uncertainty.When He opens the right doors for you, things will easily fall into place and you won’t feel any need to push or force things in your own power. When He is leading you, the confusion and uncertainty dissipates. I’ve found I actually look in amazement at how things fall into place in a way I could never have planned, which confirms to me that His hand is in it.I hope you found this helpful, let me know if you have any other questions!

[indigo474]

letting go again and again 52322-

I still do not feel 100%. My head feels not right. I don't know if its allergies- my lymph nodes are slightly swollen , my throat doesnt hurt per se- i can't even explain it- all i know is i feel not sick but not 100% well. I took motrin 2x today, hoping i would feel better. - No- the same. My titties hurt and i have a pain on my right side- hormones or i'm dying.

Mondays kind of suck at work.. busy busy busy and the 1 thing people hate more than being cold is being hot. My supervisor was around all day today-mostly at his desk. i think the world of him, i am learning a lot. I noticed today he was working on his other job at his computer and the calls he was making were about his other job. I can't blame him- he turns it on when he has to. He approached me today regarding people and their break time. He said heads were going to roll. They didn't. I like to think i cracked the office code- reports- there is a report for everything- look good on the report- its a numbers game. i swear a huge part of why i am where i am is because im never late- for anything- clocking in, lunch, breaks.. It's not that hard. Some people can not get it together. Also- you want to stay under the radar.. i can probably count on 1 hand the amount of times i've transferred a customer to a supervisor- they want to know you can work independently- i can't remember the last time i transfered a customer. Even if they tell me they want to speak to a supervisor- i handle it.I can do everything a super can do, i just do not have the title. I had a bit of trouble with a customer on Saturday.I could have been a little more empathetic. It was the first hot day and people were mad. she said she was going to cancel her account over something stupid. I had to right an email to another department and blah blah blah-- she accused me of lying to her. it was a bad phone call and i fear my name will be brought up. I am human and i wasnt mean- i could have been nicer.

I've said it once and i'll say it forever- healing is about letting go- who i am who i thought i was.. an endless cycle- but how many times does the same thing have to be let go of? As many times as it takes right? I am letting go of the belief that i am somehow not worthy of all the beauty this world has to offer. i've always been more than worthy but somehow along the way i was conditioned to believe certain thing about myself. things that were never true- told to me by people who didn't love themselves. I deserve to me loved for exactly who i am right now just because. I deserve to be seen and heard and understood. i think about what i tolerated in my life- i could would will never tolerate what i once did. i am going to have to date at some point in my life if i want to potentially meet someone. I'm not so much worried about meeting toxic men- i mean i know they exist obviously. I am more concerned about meeting a man who is exactly what i deserve and me freaking out because i don't know what to do. Ive never been in a healthy adult relationship and i have no idea what that feels like or how that works or anything and yeah I pray God blesses me with what i deserve... heaven will sing. still lots to learn.. always

Mads ditched school today but she seems a little better. She opened up a savings account and is happy about that. she shared with me that she wants to be a police dispatcher. its been a long time since she said she wanted to be anything- a lawyer, cop and now a dispatcher. i was proud of myself about how i handled her outburst. the pandemic was hard on her. everything has been hard for her.

[toycarousel]

I have really weird feelings about witchcraft because my gramma did it when my mom was a gal, but I'm not jarred or anything! I still love you and your stuff. My gramma (who's now a very religious woman, haha) has never been one to judge or hate without reason, and you're the same. I guess I'm just really ignorant on the details of witchcraft? And with the stories I've heard from my mom it's quite scary to me, haha. Lots of love!! xoxo

That raises a lot of great questions, Anon~! Witchcraft is actually a HUGE umbrella term.  There are Pagan witches, Wiccan witches, Satanic witches, Christian and Catholic witches, Muslim witches, and witches of all sorts of spiritual beliefs.

When I first started learning about spellcraft and witchcraft as I knew it, I found mostly info on Wicca witchcraft.  But I was actually raised a Catholic since I was born (I was baptized, and went to a Catholic school for the first 12 years of my life), and other stuff.  There's a form of witchcraft called "High Magic," wherein a lot of ritual work with Christian Angels may be done, and the first spells I tested out were of that nature, because it was what I felt safe within, and what I just happened to run into~! But there's so much info relating to crafting spells and magic that ties into Wicca, that I ended up being a Wiccan for a little while instead (the teachers at my Catholic school were not pleased with me).  

I'm not a Wiccan now, I'm more... I suppose, like... a combo between Christian and Polytheist (which seems like it would automatically contradict itself, but it doesn't have to).  I leave myself open to a variety of beliefs, and take what I find to be morally sound or potentially true (based on personal instincts) and craft my own set of beliefs from wider religions.  I don't really follow anything specific to the letter though, you know~?

So, I have no idea what kind of witchcraft your Gramma was doing at the time, but I fully believe you when you say she may have had bad experiences with it. Just like people can have bad experiences with every faith, and lose their own way, it can happen with certain incidences of witchcraft too.

There are a lot of people online who practice witchcraft and are very open about it, but they are super diverse, so I can't even loosely define witchcraft, it's so vast.  ; P A lot of witches use the term to refer to working with maybe crystals, healing herbs, casting spells (which are p much synonymous with personalized prayers, imo), maybe casting curses.  

On that note, I think curses or "negative" magic (magic with the intent to harm) is what a lot of people associate with all witchcraft (witchcraft and Satanism are also conflated with each other, and while there are Satanic witches out there, there are Satanic ppl who don't identify as witches, and Satanism as a whole is something I can't say much about because I know it's also very vast, and individuals don't all practice it the same way -- and besides that, I personally don't know a whole lot about it~!) 

I don't judge witches (of any spirituality) who cast curses, because a lot of them are casting curses on people who've genuinely wronged them -- like enacting a spell to bring justice to someone who may have abused them as a child, for example.  It's a lot like praying to God that a bad person gets what's coming to them.  I can understand that.  However, I do believe that curses can accumulate negative energy, and that they can backfire.  Even innocent spells can backfire, in my personal experience.  :’)

Maybe something your Gramma got into backfired, or maybe she met with a crowd of self-proclaimed witches who were doing unkind things, who knows~? There are very cultish witches out there too, who prey on people who are interested in witchcraft, or who are maybe just exploring options -- just like there are cultish versions of/groups within every faith (there are witches, and then there are like... the westboro baptist church version of people who consider themselves witches, if that makes any sense, ahahaha~!)

Anyway, basically what I'm saying is that it's fair for you to be wary of something that has caused you, or people in your life a lot of pain.  But it’s always good to remember that witchcraft is such a broad spectrum of people that the term can mean almost anything -- and it's likely that the specific version of witchcraft that harmed your Gramma and Mom is exactly that.  A specific version of witchcraft that may just not have been all that nice, or all that effective, or all that safe... it’s hard to always know exactly what you’re getting into when you adopt a faith.

In any case, I rambled a whole lot here, ahahahaha~!!! And thank you for being non-judgmental toward me~!!! For transparency, the witchcraft I do now basically consists of writing and imagining prayers to Aphrodite, keeping a shrine for her that I add things to or adjust on occasion, burning incense, burning sage, using herbs and spell-bottles for, like, self love, or fortune for loved ones, crystal magic, tarot cards, and stuff like that.

I'm also kind of a sea witch, so I like to work with ocean-water, seashells, sea-glass, and sea-salt in my spells, along with cool stuff I find at the beach (whenever I get to visit a city that has a beach; I'm landlocked, sigh :')

I don't do curses (though, as I said, many truly good people do), because I personally prefer to let cosmic justice do its own thing without my help, no matter how tempting it might be to spiritually attack someone myself.  It's just not my thing.  However~! I have cast a spell on myself that means if someone else curses me, my body acts as a mirror, and their curse is reflected back at them, so they suffer the consequences of the harm they tried to do to me.  I did that for peace of mind, because I know a lot of witches, and a lot of people who don’t like me for the mean things I said in the past (and I don’t think brutally cursing someone because they said something mean to you in passing is fair justice).  I’m already suffering the direct consequences for things I’ve said and done, and that’s just life.  ; P

But yeah, I’m not sure if any of this cleared things up for you... I can link you to some witchcraft masterposts and blogs if you’re interested in knowing more details about specific forms of witchcraft.  The best way to figure this out would be to ask your Gramma what kind of witchcraft she once did, why she quit, etc., if she feels safe talking about it~!!!

But no matter what, it’s good to learn about various faiths -- you never have to believe in something that you just.  Don’t.  And if you’re wary of something, sometimes learning more about it can help assuage that fear, even if, after learning about it, you don’t decide to partake in it.  Like I said, you don’t ever have to be into anything that makes you uncomfortable~!!! Best of wishes, Anon, and I hope you and your family are doing well these days~!!!

[heyemjey]

What happened after two years of being an adult?

I can definitely say that, I was overwhelmed with the transitions and adjustments I had and at the same time pressured. I must admit, that the best years in College was gone and everyone must accept that everything will be over-- either good or bad.

"Nothing's permanent in this world except change."

I felt sad because I have somme of the people whom I've known for years and it seems that after we enter the adulthood, everything has changed. I thought we could be the same person, but, it's not your season. I am slowly learning to accept the reality.

I am happy at the same time. I was able to experience learning while working. There were many times that I really wanted go give up, but still, Im here trying to fight against all odds, meeting deadlines, doing the best that I can. After two years, I learned to understand others as well as myself mostly when I felt so bad after I disappoint someone.

After two years, I met someone whom I can love and feel the same love too. He does take care of me and he make me happy when I'm sad. And yes, since it's my first time to trust someone, I admit it's hard to live in reality because your expectations are not the same as reality. Well I guess that's just the way to learn to fight battles.

I also experienced meeting new and old people. Midnight memories indeed. Im so happy that I was able to keep some of my friends before and trying to open up with other person after college. Made fight with someone, freak out, hated but most especially,I learned to forgive those people who consistently hurt me.

Right now I feel like Im still working on my masterpiece. It feels like progress are not fast and neither so slow. I also enjoyed the company of my parents and that is what I really love. Despite of having detachments, I'm still blessed. I am beloved. My faith was once stopped but right now, I'm trying to correct the wrong choices I had so that I can live happily.

I must say that, to those who are experiencing this kind of adjustments, it's okay not to be okay sometimes.

WHY? Because your faith and resiliency will be tested during those times that you are doubtful.

You will know who will be there for you in Happiness and in sadness.

You will be able to discover yourself and your plans more.

Let's wait for our perfect moment. Because everything has a good timing. 😊

I just hope and prayed that you also find yourself in darkness and in doubt. We can do this!