#but I've been hyperfixated on them lately so maybe I'll actually work more on the animatic from later in the story lolz

[nyenylon]

Okay so what if I've been drawing the first chapter from my one story over and over for years huh I'm still technically.. doing something..

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

fanfiction is the thing that bring me the most joy out of anything in this world and if I'm hyperfixated on a certain fandom's fics then I start living in a constant state of joy where everything I do is bc I know soon I'll be free to read more fics (I do my work thinking about rewarding myself with a fic or I take showers more often bc I know I'll feel even better if I'm clean while reading a fic). maybe it's the autism but I love reading the same tropes with the same characters I already like over and over again. it's so good. it's what keeps me alive and motivated tbh.

but early last year it stopped bringing me joy bc of depression. I've been better lately though and a few months ago I tried to read some fics from a fandom I'm not familiar with just to see if I could get back into it (none of the fandoms I knew were doing anything for me). it worked and I was so relieved to feel that way again. but I've started to feel bad about it bc is it actually ok to read those fics when I've never interacted with the official material? I don't even know the characters, all I know is a version of them that exists in trashy fanfiction. I'm just reading a hollowed out version of the story while actual fans enjoy better version (canon material). but I don't want to get into canon bc what I need to feel the way I want to is the fics. but I feel dumb reading only the fics bc actual fans hate it so much. I've tried talking about this with my therapist and my sister but no one understands why I feel so much despair over this. I don't think I completely get it too. I know it's okay to be cringe or whatever but damn is it hard to not feel shame

literally who gives a shit do whatever you want forever

[breezydaysoflife]

For the ask game!! 1, 4, 5, 7, 14, 18, 24! (I know it’s a lot lol sorry I couldn’t choose.) Also I will absolutely tag you in stuff!

If you ever want tumblr advice feel free to ask, I’ve been here for three or four years which seems short honestly to me LMAO

A lot is good! I like a lot! It's an excuse to post, and a lot of these really made me think lol

1. when did you first watch/discover good omens, and how did you find out about it?

I started watching somewhere last year, I think in late summer/early fall. As for why? My boyfriend! We're both neurodivergent, and if you think my Good Omens hyperfix is bad, his is worse. I finally let him bully me into watching it and it became a hyperfix that eventually evolved into a SpIn.

4. what is (if you read) your favorite good omens longfic?

Ok, I considered a little white lie here, but I'll be honest; it's you'll never be lonely (you're my only one) by ladydragona and SylWritesStuff. Omegaverse has always fascinated and comforted me, and this is probably one of the best I have read in any fandom, and definitely the best out of Good Omens. I love the ineffables' relationship in it and Warlock's characterization. I could rattle on abt this fic for paragraphs upon paragraphs but I'm not gonna do that to save everyone's sanity lol

5. what is (if you read) your favorite good omens one-shot?

Ok this one was hard because I read far more one-shots then longfics but after digging through my bookmarks, ultimately, it's i am just the (new invention) by littlesnowpea. It's cracky, it's sweet, Crowley is oblivious and Aziraphale's a bastard. I clocked him from the very beginning so the "YouTube comments" were and still are some of the funniest bits of any fanfiction I've read

7. what is your favorite underappreciated quote?

Help my memory is dying. Uh. I do not know that many quotes so it's probably not underappreciated but maybe one would be Crowley's "Lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion." From the body swap. It kinda gets drowned out by Gabriel's infamous line directly after but it always sends chills down my spine. Crowley's got Aziraphale down to such a science that he knows, without a doubt, that even when being faced by death, he'd fawn. He'd be polite. It's powerful.

14. what is your favorite good omens-coded song?

Take Me To Church, 100%. No questions asked.

18. what is your favorite moment through history, and why?

It's a basic bitch answer and I know it's a basic bitch answer but it's the 1941 church scene, ok? Nothing can beat it for me.

24. what's a theory for season 3 that you NEED to be included?

Crowley's gonna be mean. Like. Really mean. And while I know we all want and need(heh) them to get their happy ending, it's not gonna be right away. I want to see that anger, that frustration, that pain. I also want Aziraphale to snap at some point. I want them to know just how much they've hurt each other so they can actually work on fixing it.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: Sui ideation, self-harm, general sui warning because idk?

Looking for: Advice

Okay, so, I'm kind of really scaring myself lately. I'm used to being able to be hit with emotional stuff and cope (in healthy or minorly unhealthy ways).

But lately I've been having worse s/h urges than usual (I want to actually draw blood and/or get something sharp to use), and there's been a couple times where the suicidal urges have been really strong.

There was a point a few years ago where I was on the edge of going and committing suicide, but my Mother (though unhelpful, could stop me) was there at the time and I didn't s/h. I've hit that point again a couple of times, and the only thing I've really managed to do with it is say "let me just do this thing, and then we'll go". Said thing is really easy for me to get locked into hyperfixation loops on so bad I'll fall asleep doing it, which is why it's my go-to, but I'm scared if I get bored of it I won't have anything stopping me anymore.

And whenever I get to these points I think, maybe I should call a hotline or something or have Mother (albeit. sleeping.) call the hotline, but I keep thinking I'm not actually going to do anything, I'm not actually feeling these urges I'm just stressed and thinking of easy outs and I just want attention.

And I know you're supposed to "call before it's too late" and "you're not seeking attention" but also. How do I know the difference between just wanting to and being at genuine risk of doing something? What if I'm really just over exaggerating? Maybe part of this is because the last time I got to this point Mother said I was being sensitive and it was my fault, etc., but I don't know.

And it's usually worn off when I wake up, so it's not really an emergency I guess? Not like I have a note or anything set up if it does happen or like I have a method or anything. There's no plan it's just like...I want to just walk out on the road and let it happen. Maybe that counts as a plan. I don't know.

But either way, I just. I don't know. It's never been so strong and so real so often, that one time was rock bottom in an already dark place, but now it's happening consistently, at least once a week if not twice or more. And it's stupid because then, like, I could be on the verge of just going through with it one night, and the next day going "yeah idk what the fuck I was on about this is tolerable", so it feels even more invalid and idk. It's so stupid. I have no idea when I should really take the risk of trying to call something or however that works (I don't even know how it works.) and I'm scared if I tell my therapist about it, he won't let me choose he'll just call. But what if I am just exaggerating and he tells me that I'm just overreacting?? Fjdjansnwjajsnnf

Haven't said anything because the only people with me rn are my Mother (concerns discussed), my therapist (concerns discussed), and my brother but. Idk. I'm scared my brother will just think I'm overreacting to nothing or whatever (he doesn't know most of my life history, and struggles understand stuff like neurodivergence beyond stereotypes, and while he brought up it sounded like I had depression at one point, I'm still unsure on where he might stand with mental illness), or that I'll just be adding to an already very loaded plate. Same with Mother. Everyone's got too much shit and if I add this to that it's just make everything so much worse.

Trying to make this as stable as possible, I'm sorry I'm going through it rn lol. I tried to cut the fluff but I'm super foggy right now and yeah. I'm gonna go do my hyperfixation thing before I do something stupid, but I appreciate any advice you can give.

(And, if you think I should be calling someone at these points, resources would be appreciated because I don't actually know what to do and if I have to tell someone I don't want them calling 911 or something. I'm not sure how reasonable that anxiety is, but yeah. Thanks. Have a good day <3)

- Ghost (👻) (Tumblr never likes to let me search my ask so I'm attempting to sign it this time so it may go through, sorry if the thing is taken)

Hi Ghost,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Please know that it's okay to call or text a crisis hotline even if you're not literally on the brink of suicide. Having the thought can escalate very quickly regardless of how many times you've had that thought before, so it's better to be safe than sorry. If you ever have those thoughts again, know that you are welcome to text HELP to 741741, text or call 988, or browse this masterpost of international crisis hotlines. I can assure you that there are no repercussions to reaching out to 741741 or 988, but I am less familiar with the resources on the masterpost, so do keep that in mind.

If anyone has any additional comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[vacantgodling]

Writeblr Interview

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

been on tumblr in some way since like 2013. been on writeblr specifically since like 2020-2021... ish?

What led you to create it?

ended up leaving twitter (back when it was still twitter) around the time the pandemic happened. i wanted to get back into tumblr because i'd been focusing mostly on twitter for awhile and the yeehan community/my old friends kinda weren't doing shit for me so i wanted to focus more on my original stuff. so i ended up making a writeblr when i heard that was a thing.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

how we really do just be on here talking about our blorbos and having a good time. its nice to have a place to escape with people who also get the importance of not being connected to reality at all times.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

i feel like ask games have kind of died down compared to how they were a few years ago so it'd be nice to make a resurgance of that.

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

honestly just post what makes you happy and actually interact with other people. just trying to promote your own stuff doesn't really work (unless you're an artist tbh) but interacting with other people and making posts talking about what you're making with enthusiasm instead of the "woe is me idk how to talk about my wips but i hope someone will talk with me... :((" like bro idk just talk about it. have a good time. you don't have to follow for follow or follow someone just bc they're a writeblr either i kinda hate that shit. like only follow me if you're actually interested in my shit and vice versa. but that's just a pet peeve. tumblr isn't twitter we are about having a good time here not about promo.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

that's a funny way to put this. rn its mostly been tcol just because i've been on a worldbuilding history kick because i've been cramming my brain full of a fucking alternate history youtube channel that my brain is mildly hyperfixated on. but my brain kinda flip flops around to any of my main wips when its convenient.

How long have you been working on them?

tcol's a wip i've had since i was 12 so like. pff 14 years at this point? jesus it sounds so old when i put it like that. paramour just had its 3 year anniversary on 6/19. vdtrt i've also had since 12. btaf is a couple of months old. like. maybe 2 months old lmao.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

tcol -> the video game etrian odyssey, lotr, history (in general) paramour -> there's so many influences frfr. but the original start was crimson peak and wanting to make something like that but also beauty and the beast and goth lit or whatever vdtrt -> percy jackson btaf -> twilight, but specifically the bella pregnancy arc

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

literally all day every day in some capacity

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

"fantasy" i don't really talk to people about my writing at all in general irl anymore tho. just sets up for annoyance and disappointment.

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

"fantasy" like. i really don't like people knowing about my wips esp if i don't think they have the bandwidth to appreciate them. not to sound uppity but like ik the people who i'm around and the shit that intrigues them is just worlds away from what i'm writing whether it be because its fantasy, because it's horror, or because it's queer.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.

so as of counting (and not counting the plethora of flesh blood recently added to tcol) i've got 419 characters and counting. this also doesn't include any of the ocs i have with my partner which is a decent amount. i'll just stick with the mcs of the main wips. so those would be:

hyacinthus, amon, darren, sjaak, biscella, azelie, piper, forte, deux, san, clear

Who’s the most unhinged?

least to most hinged of this list:

SJAAK -> amon -> san -> piper -> hya -> clear -> deux -> biscella -> azelie -> darren -> forte

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

hya and amon are the easiest to write because i've written them the most. darren is a close second but not first because his whole thing about not using adverbs really trips me up.

Do you ever cringe at them?

nah. i don't cringe at them. i disdain at them. but not really cringe. i get really bad secondhand embarrassment so i don't tend to make characters that make me have that actually cringe reaction.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

kinda a weird question for me but tbh i feel like its sort of a 50-50 situation. i tend to make characters firstly out of some utility (aka i need a character to fulfill this role in the plot) and then as i develop them its like the two of us become collaborators on writing the story together. sometimes characters can be a bit stubborn about what they do or don't tell me about their backstories (hya is notorious for this) but for the most part they can't really "hide" things from me or wholly not do what i want them to do. a lot of times i'm going to put them in a situation anyway, they just need to tell me how they'll react to it. if any of that makes sense.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters?

of course :) i sound kind of dead in this questionaire because i'm at work ready to kms. but, sending me asks or talking to me on discord/tumblr messages about any of my idiots is always loved

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

i look at the vibes of the account, who they are, if they have an intro and what kind of wips they're writing. i mostly only follow people if i see that their wips interest me. some exceptions can be made, ie: if they interact with a lot of my stuff first and we become friendly and i'm not following them i'll follow after the fact and then get invested in whatever they're doing. but on initial contact i like to see who you are and if your wips are interesting to me.

What makes you decide against following?

wips don't interest me or have things in their wips/in their sphere of focus that i just don't care about or aren't really my cup of tea. like let's say someone puts in their wip/personal intro that they hate fantasy. i write fantasy all the time. so like. probably not gonna follow you. that kind of thing.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

not often? i wouldn't mind it bc i actually don't follow that many people (always under 100) but this is bc i can't keep up with people that much and i want to make sure i properly give attention to others if i'm going to be invested in them. but like. i enjoy talking to people about my shit so like. /shrug. i have way more followers than i follow which is why i mentioned i hate when people follow me just bc i'm another writeblr lol. i'd much rather you follow me because you have interest in Me but like, i can't control people frfr.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

yeah! that's why i try to keep who i follow kind of in lower ranges. i have bad memory and it takes me awhile to warm up to people, but when i follow someone its because i want to be friendly and get invested in what they do. so like, i try to do that. i'm not the best but i do try.

[wrongcaitlyn]

HIII i hope the eras was so fun!! i’ve been following u since the she-ra era (remember wrongcatra lol) right as i was starting to fixate on arcane and pjo. AND UR A SWIFTIE SJSJSJ!!! its so crazyy how u like everything i like! i love when editors/writers switch interests the exact same time as me

i loveeee talk ur talk and i was wondering if in the future (like far far farrrr future) solangelo would ever have kids? like adoption or biologically idk!

SDJFLASJDFLSJDFSAF OH MY GOD???sdlkFJSKLDFJ OH MY FUCKING GOD NO WAYYSDFJSDJF????lsDFKJSDF sorry im like dying here i STILL cant believe that some people know me from wrongcatra, that feels like so long ago... WOAH. thats actually so so cool to know that our interests followed like parallel lines omg <333 some sort of soulmate type shit i'd say!

ANYWAY now to actually respond to the ask - thank you so much!!! the eras tour was INCREDIBLE i truly had the time of my life <33 and honestly i have the same thing with finding editors that have the same interests... like whenever i see someone who posts both pjo and arcane im like?? omg???? are we the same person??? i can just tell you guys that i'll be starting to post abt arcane on here as november rolls closer bc the hyperfixation is already creeping up on me again... god i love that show so muchSDJKLF

as for whether theyd have children! i've been thinking about this for a while actually, and im leaning towards no. or at least- my idea is that both of their jobs are just *incredibly* time consuming, and very chaotic, with nico traveling a lot, and will- well, will's gonna be a doctor, so... yeahJKLSDF that speaks for itself! (in case u want more detail, i was thinking of him being a pediatric surgeon? idk why but i also always pictured him working in the er, maybe bc that's similar to what he does at chb, though he could also try to work in a less hectic environment as they grow older, i'm not entirely sure)

so i don't think that it'd be something that they'd even start thinking about for a very long time, just because they wouldn't have time for a kid, they wouldnt' be able to give them the attention they deserved (and with both nico and will having dealt with various levels of neglect as kids, that's definitely something they wouldn't want to put on a child)

HOWEVER. i think that. one day when they're much much older and maybe will changes his job slightly so its less of late nights and stuff, and nico decides not to tour for quite a bit and focuses more on other,,, projects, i think they would foster! probably young children, like before school, so their kids wouldn't have to deal with yk,, the attention of having a famous parent (will knows that issue all too well), but i think that they would actually feel really fulfilled and happy doing that. and who knows, maybe one of those children, they would one day adopt - i'm thinking of it now, maybe a pair of siblings or smth like that, i think it would be sweet :) but yeah, tbh, i don't have that many thoughts on what will happen past the timeline of greatest of luxuries, or at least no definite plans, but i think this is the most likely scenario :)

[jeonqkooks]

Ohh girl yeah I get it, the post vacation depression is a bitch 😞 I'll have 2 weeks off starting next week but idk... I'm just not feeling it. But it's good that you made some good memories while there!!

Have you been watching anything lately? Tomorrow I wanna watch '20th century girl' cause I've heard it's good..

It didn't hit you about the tannies? Lucky you 🥲 it hit me about a 100 times already.. it feels so strange to think that exactly 3 years ago when I discovered them I was so damn happy those first weeks, like over the moon, and now look where we are... I mean, ofc maybe some would call us dramatic or whatever and yeah life does go on... but it's just a little different and it'll take a while to get used to it. In the meantime, I only wish for their wellbeing there. But yeah, when it does hit you you'll find me here if you want someone to scream 'ssibal' with on the top of a mountain 😂😂

*ahem* so you like shot glass of tears huh? 👀👀👀👀👀 told yaa. people should really listen to me more often haha jkjk. All the b-sides are pretty good actually

Take care and don't catch a cold💜 (if everyone puts salt on the wound I gotta do it too 🤦‍♀️)

- 🎃

are you on vacay rn pumpkin? if so, i hope you’re having fun!! you can worry about the post-vacay depresshaun later 😂 enjoy yourself for now boo

i’ve heard good things about 20th century girl too! tho i’ve also heard that it’s sad as hell so i might need to mentally prepare myself before i cry a river watching that lol. i haven’t been watching any of my shows or kdramas in a couple months now bc i’m just so absorbed in the never ending stray kids content 😂

the tannies hmm.. i’m still super bummed out but honestly i think having another hyperfixation just in time has really helped. if i didn’t have stray kids as my new group of comfort people while my og comfort people are away, i think i would be so emo rn lol. it did hit me more than usual the other day tho. i was getting ready for work and i also burst into tears thinking about mimi’s “see you.” 😭😭😭

shot glass of tears 😂 i think it might be favorite off the album actually. the title is still very corny to me but oh well 😂 but yes agreed, i vibe much more with the b-sides!

miss you love you a lot pumpkin 🤍🫶

[pyrettawychwiggin]

Pyretta's Answers:

1. Who is/are your comfort character(s)?

I have a few; Daine & Numair from Tamora Pierce's 'The Immortals' series, Crow from Destiny 2, Julian from The Arcana, Lara Croft (just like, in general). The list goes on 😅 These days, I've been hyperfixated on Nanami Kento from Jujutsu Kaisen 🥴❤️‍🔥

2. Lighter or matches?

Lighter, but matches will do.

3. Do you leave the window open at night?

I don't think that's wise, no. If I could trust that some crazy person wouldn't take advantage, I probably would, though - I love the air flow.

4. Which cryptic being do you believe in?

Would you count the fae? If not that, definitely skinwalkers.

5. What colour are your eyes?

Green-ish, with kind of a hint of hazel sometimes.

6. Why did you do that?

I was in a very dark place in my life - I'm just glad I got out of things before I did something stupid.

7. Hair ties or scrunchies?

Back when I had hair long enough, I loved my scrunchies. I had a lil' collection going. Nowadays I rock a short style - more comfy.

8. How many water bottles are in your room right now?

None, actually. Usually I have one or two in there, though.

9. Which do you prefer - hot coffee or cold coffee?

Iced and packed full of sugar.

10. Would you slaughter the rich?

#EatTheRich (the mega-rich, anyways. I don't see anything wrong with someone who has lots of wealth; it's the multi-billionaires that I think are wholly unethical)

11. Favourite extracurricular activity?

Making/listening to music for sure.

12. What kind of day is it?

Gloomy, actually. Something in the air has myself and everyone I know feeling 'off.' Ah well. Another day tomorrow - sun'll come out eventually.

13. When was the last time you ate?

A couple hours ago.

14. Do you love the smell of the earth after it rains?

It's one of my favourite smells, actually.

15. Are you a parent?

I think I have a tamagotchi still lying around here somewhere... 🤔

16. Can you drive?

Yep. I only started driving a few years ago, but I finally got a move on anyways.

17. Are you nearsighted or farsighted?

I'm more near-sighted than far-sighted, but not at a point to need glasses or contacts (yet).

18. What hair products do you use?

I love the Amika brand shampoo, conditioner and dry shampoo. Aside from that, the only other hair product I use is Evo's 'Salty Dog' salt spray.

19. Imagine we're at a sleepover - would you paint my nails?

I mean hey, sure - I just can't guarantee I'll paint them well 😅💅

20. Do you say soda or pop?

I say both, actually - no rhyme or reason, I just kinda blurt our whichever comes out in the moment 😅🥤

21. Something you've kept since your childhood.

A mix CD from my late first boyfriend - I've had it since 10th grade.

22. What type of person are you?

I'd say 'sentimental.' Sometimes delusional with my tendency to lean into escapism - it leads me to be a bit of an idealist, and I can have unrealistic expectations sometimes.

23. How do you feel about chilly weather?

I don't mind it, really - it's when the air is so cold it hurts my face that it starts to get old.

24. If we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Stargazing and listening to some tunes for sure - with any luck, we'll catch some northern lights. Also snacks. We always need snacks.

25. Perfume/body spray or lotion?

I don't really use perfume - maybe on occasion I'll use a body spray from Bath & Body Works or something, but lotion I use every day.

26. A scenario that you've replayed multiple times?

The last hour I spent with my grandfather. I feel like if I had really known that was going to be the last hour, I would have had so much more to say.

27. About how many hours of sleep did you get?

Six, give or take? Which is a lot for me.

28. Do you wear a mask?

I do, but I'm a dental assistant, so that just kind of comes with the gig. Other than that, I wear masks when I am feeling under the weather, but need to be out in public for whatever reason, or if I'm in a place where masks are required by the business/health code standards.

29. How do you like your shower water?

Wet? (Ha) Nah, I usually like it at some semi-extreme temperature; either hotter than hellfire, or glacier cold.

30. Are there dishes in your room?

Nope.

31. What type of music keeps you grounded?

Some nice acoustic indie tunes; maybe some lo-fi tunes.

32. Do you have a favourite towel?

I do love my blue striped beach towel ♡

33. The last adventure you've been on?

My last adventure.... Drumheller with my partner, actually! Last year 🦖🦕

34. Is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Every song from Evanescence's 'Fallen' album, but there are many songs outside of that, too.

35. What's your timezone?

Mountain Standard Time.

36. How many times have you changed your url?

Only once, I think. As far as I can remember, anyways.

37. Someone in your life other than a relative that you've known for 10+ years.

My non-blood brother and sister - my lifelines.

38. A soap bar that smells good.

I don't use bar soap, actually. Just liquid soaps. I usually go for unscented stuff, but rain/ocean-scented is usually a good bet for me.

39. Do you use lip balm?

Erryday - specifically, I love Burt's Bees and Barefoot Venus.

40. Did you have any snacks today?

Yep! Doritos and a Pepsi slurpee this afternoon. Aside from that, it's been all celery, carrots, cucumbers and oranges.

41. How do you take your coffee?

Iced and sickeningly sweet; like, more sugar than coffee, probably.

42. An app you frequently use aside from this godforsaken site.

Well, Instagram and TikTok (like most of the world). Aside from that, I use my Artful Agenda religiously. I used to be a big fan of paper agendas, but I needed to switch to electronic for convenience, but I liked that I could still get the same customization and fun options of a paper agenda with it. So now, it's my only real 'every day' app.

43. What's your take on spicy foods?

I wish my tongue wasn't so weak so I could enjoy them more, but alas 🥵

44. You get a free pass to kill anyone - who is it?

Honestly? No one.

45. Can you remember what happened yesterday?

Pfft, I can barely remember what I had for lunch this afternoon, much less what happened yesterday 😅

46. Favourite holiday film?

I've always enjoyed watching Sleepy Hollow, Corpse Bride, and Hocus Pocus around the Halloween season. As for Yule, I'm leaning towards Krampus, Elf, Love Actually, and The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.

47. What was the last message you sent?

A single-emoji text to my dad that says '🗿'

48. When did you first try an alcoholic beverage?

I think I was 16/17 years old. Nothing crazy, just a bottle of Corona.

49. Can you skip rocks?

Not well, but I can. Sometimes 🙃

50. Can I tag you in random stuff?

As long as it's not:

• racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic, etc.

• AI art

• spam

• just harmful to someone like, in general

Then by all means, lol

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[mockiery]

Hey. Hey. Pspspsppss. Explain your writing process to me. Please?

asjdghs ok in all seriousness idek fam. it's very disorganized and nonlinear and irregular af. much like this answer that got away from me so i'm gonna put it under the cut <3

i start with an Idea™ that has bonked me over the head. i am then possessed by the Idea, and i dump the concept onto a page in onenote as quickly as possible. it pours out of me like a fountain and the scene just kinda. creates itself.

it's pretty much always dialogue that comes to me first, with some major framing and emotional beats of surrounding paragraphs. sometimes the dialogue doesn't come for certain parts of the scene or i already have a vision of this particular section, so i'll describe the scene simply in a paragraph and sometimes later i'll come back and flesh it out. dialogue is something that tends to be the easiest for me. maybe not always voice for some characters, but their meaning and character-drive, absolutely.

and then from there, once the possession ends and what i have is out of me, it's mostly just. staring at the doc and making minor edits and additions around it over the next few days and/or weeks until i get bonked over the head with Idea: Part 2 Electric Boogaloo and so forth, always scrambling to keep up with them.

since writing mk fic and being actually interactive with other ppl and posting my writing, i've started sharing more little bites or even full drafts of my stuff and getting feedback, which, a lot of the time, is like. keysmashes and feral all caps comments, but they definitely help me know what's working and help me in the motivation department. recently i've specifically had the lovely @fdelopera help me out with full blown beta reading and some editing, they have been an absolute godsend (ily btw, tysm 💕).

Music helps me get in the zone sometimes, and keep me on track. I listened to Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers about halfway through writing "your grounding touch", and it gave me some ideas about imagery and sensory stuff i wanted to focus in on more. There are also details in that fic inspired by some of the lyrics, if u feel like looking. It's also a general Vibe and a good marc song.

Music is just generally good for ideas for me too. Very good for calling on the Bonking of Ideas. When I'm hyperfixated on something i make a playlist about it so I can be in that world all day. I'm an all-day music listener, it's essential. (though when i get in the writing zone it can be silent and I won't notice for like an hour or two).

There's also the focus aspect of music too. If i start to associate one song with a piece, I'll listen to that song on repeat while I'm at work and it keeps my adhd brain on track (or close enough to it) so I can keep thinking about and planning it even while i'm busy.

I rarely write anything wholly linear, some parts getting expanded later after what was going to be minor edits snowballed into another few hundred or even thousand words. originally in "your grounding touch, marc's initial scene with layla was a lot shorter, and when writing, the first line for a while was him asking layla what she saw during their blackout. the section of steven's scene with layla researching DID was originally one paragraph before i fleshed it out and gave it dialogue, and was blessed with "you're based on the hero." and then jake at the end of was a late game addition only in the last 2 drafts, but felt essential.

sorry i rambled a lot there but that tends to happen when u let me talk about my writing, so thank u for enabling me <3

[residentdormouse]

Writer Game Tag:

Thank you @mrsmungus for the tag!!

Tagging: @chickensarentcheap @asirensrage and if anybody wants to join, please do so and @ me!

Let me preface this with a disclaimer - I've only written 1 very canon based fanfic, 3/4ths of another, and a short 500 word blurb. Nothing straight up original aside from a really rough script from college that will not be posted. Ever. I am nowhere close to understanding my writing or getting a solid process. Winging it, guys 😂😅😬

Do you write in order?

For the most part, the actual writing is in order, but I get antsy and have a few scenes that I just can't wait for. I had a bit of a head start with Spiral (started posting when I had a full 11 chapters completed) so it had more random scenes finalized beforehand that I would copy/paste in when their time came.

I have no safety net with Diving, so there's really only miscellaneous lines that I didn't want to forget in a few docs and one actual full scene written beyond the chapter I'm actively working on.

I will say that I have been structuring around 5 scenes a chapter, and I will bounce back and forth between them, if that counts?

Do you start with something in particular?

Undying love for a fictional character? I really wasn't planning on writing, but there was nothing on AO3 for the 2020 Stand version of Glen. I get it, small fandom, working primarily within a not well received adaptation of the story. I don't choose my hyperfixs, they choose me. But yeah, I fell in love with this take on the character. So I guess I started with that, and went on a 'I want this character to get some love, and maybe not die' daydream side mission.

How fully formed does your writing come out the first time?

Spiral is very canon based, so it already had the story backbone. I was just combining all the parts from the various forms of this story that I liked into one Frankenstein mess, added an OC insert character, and created new scenes to incorporate/build relationships. I wrote the scenes out and just went over with a structure/word choice sweep mostly.

Diving's plot is me just squishing concepts from other stories I like together, so this I had to outline first. Vague large outline bullet points, moved to slightly more detailed chapter breakdown bullets/scene breakdown objectives, then to writing the scenes out in full.

How many drafts do you go through?

After outlining, I usually just pick the first draft I write for a week or two. I use almost all of what I write, it just needs reorganized or reworded sometimes.

Tell me about your process.

Once I have an outline with the scenes and goals for a chapter, I usually go for straight dialog first, with estentially stage directions connecting it. I'll write this at nights on my phone after everybody's asleep or during my hour break (small children and all). Then on my lunch break when I can use a computer and actual keyboard, I'll flesh out what I wrote the night before. Bulk of creative writing is done on my phone though.

All of Spiral and the first two sections of Diving, I was averaging a chapter a week, but this last section is about two weeks for a chapter now. I'll brainstorm on the weekend, write dialog/fill in through the week, do a final once over and post on Friday (or every other Friday lately).

[trekkiehood]

Never Again - SPN Fanfic

@febuwhump : Day 6/ Alt 2 - Trapped Under a Collapsed Building

Title: Never Again

Fandom: Supernatural

Words: 3.1k

Setting: Stanford Era, Brotherhood AU, 9/11/2001

Whumpee: Dean

Caretaker: Sid (OC/RP)

Other Characters: Caleb

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: Dean is working a job with Caleb in NYC trying to distract himself from Sam's departure for college, when the Twin Towers are hit in a terrorist attack.

Trigger Warnings: 9/11, fire, death, explosions, building collapse, injury or death do to disability

Authors Note:

Dean is 22 Sam is 18 Caleb is 30

Disclaimer:

I'm sorry if info dump I spent four days majorly hyperfixating on this, watching 6+ hours of live news and even longer reading news articles on everything from the event to the elevator system in the towers. Also I was not born until a few months after 9/11 so if I mess up or have gathered wrong information I apologize. Also while the story of Stairwell B is true Dean was obviously not there. I know very little about the actual Sid except that he was a firefighter that day so I apologize if he is portrayed accurately. If you want the true events surrounding stairwell B you can read about them here: . /news/19572389.9-11-attack-josephine-harris-miracle-stairwell-b/

Jensen recently said that most scared he's ever been was on 9/11 and tho Jensen and Dean are in very different circumstances, I tried to capture some of that fear.

I know this one is really late (it's not quite midnight here tho so still on time) and it's because I wrote it today lol. Everything else has been prewritten. With that in mind, this was written very fast and I haven't even had time to re-read the whole things so I apologize for any mistakes.

However! I really love this one guys!

I've always wanted to write a 9/11 piece, especially when I realized it would have happened right after Sam left for college. This is nothing like what my original plan was when I first decided to write one a year ago, but I like it still. It moves really fast I know but it was the only way I could make it work.

I'll say more in the end note and let you guys get to reading lol.

Enjoy!

~TH~

There were very few things that scared Dean more than heights. Very few. One of those things had already happened but he was trying very hard to keep his head in New York and away from Stanford. But regardless, Dean hated heights. And he was very high. Yes people paid over ten bucks for a view he was getting for free. He did not care. It was grossly unfair that Caleb had made him come up here to attend this meeting when the older man just as easily could have come himself.

Dean's phone rang and he looked down at the number. Speak of the devil.

He stepped into the hallway and answered. "I hope you're happy."

"Where are you?" Caleb sounded oddly stressed for this early in the morning.

Dean rolled his eyes, "You know where I am."

"I'm serious. I want to know the exact place you are."

"About to go into the meeting with the guy from McLennan. And no I'm not late. The appointment isn't for a few more minutes."

"You need to leave."

"As much as I'd love to, we actually do need to talk to this dude."

"No. Get out of there. Now."

"Dude I just took two elevators ninety-three stories into the air just so you could make me come back down? If I leave I'm not coming back up here. You're on your own."

"Deuce, listen to me. You have to get out of there. Now. Something bad is going to happen."

That caught Dean's attention. "Did you have a vision?"

"More- more of a nightmare but listen to me you have to get out of there. I don't know what's about to happen but it's bad and you need to be as far away from the Trade Center as possible."

"Are you sure you're not just, I don't know, getting everything mixed up? I mean it was a dream not a vision. Maybe you're just feeling protective and remembering 93'-"

"Dean." The use of the Wincther boy's full name stopped him in his tracks. "It's not. I'm telling you something is going to happen. Not has happened. Is going to."

"Fine, fine. It's not that I don't trust you it's just that those elevators are-"

"Take the stairs."

"You're kidding. It's ninety-three floors, Damian."

"You didn't- Listen I can't explain it. I didn't get the whole picture. I just know that if you don't get out of there right now you will die."

"And the elevator?"

"Please."

"Fine but only to seventy-eight." He didn't understand why the civilians got a straight ride to the top while workers had to take to elevators to get to their floor. But he'd play along until he could get to the express elevators.

"Just get moving."

"Fine, I'll call you back when-"

"No! Just- just stay on the line, alright?"

"Dude how bad was it?" He said, opening the door to the B stairwell and beginning his descent.

"Bad dude. I'm really not even sure what happened but it was bad."

"Do we need to call someone?"

"I wouldn't know what to say. It's more of… just a bad feeling mixed with images I can't place. I don't know man, I just want you out of there."

"Yeah, yeah, and you want me to walk down over ninety flights of stairs to do it. Let me use the elevators and I'll be out in five minutes."

Caleb let out a breath of a laugh at that. "Get down to the express elevator and we'll talk about it. The one's near the top aren't near as fast."

"And here I thought you didn't like the business side of New York."

"Architecture, Deuce. It's the tallest building in the U.S. It'd be a sin not to study it."

Dean let out an involuntary shiver, "Don't remind me."

"What floor are you on now?"

Dean glanced up at the marker as he continued the seemingly endless descent. "Eighty-eight."

"Keep going."

"I am. You gonna call the office and cancel my meeting? They don't seem like the type of people to appreciate a no show. Especially before nine. 8:45 Damian. Who sets a meeting that early?"

"They can deal with it." He said with a smile in his voice. Dean was glad to have relieved at least some of the tension. "I'll call them as soon as you're out."

"Yeah yeah, which will be over an hour at this rate."

"Stop complaining, dude. Just think of it as one of Johnny's training exercises."

"The difference being, Dad never sent us an unholy amount in the air! Mountains? Yeah? Skyscrapers? Never again."

"One day you'll thank me for breaking your fear of heights."

"Breaking them? You mean exploiting them?"

"Hey whatever wor-"

A loud explosion shut out any other sound. The building shook and Dean was sure that the stairs were about to fall out from under him. His phone slipped from his hand and fell over the railing as he desperately grabbed for the shaking rail. Chunks of debris began to fall above him. Something hit his head and his knees started to give out. He was going to die. The building was about to collapse and he was going to die. The shaking stopped. Dean kept his hands firmly on the railing, pulling himself up and taking a few deep breaths.

He was okay. He was fine. Whatever had happened up there didn't involve him.

And he'd done a pretty good job at convincing himself of that before the stairwell began to fill with smoke.

Dean didn't know what was going on but he knew that Caleb was right. He needed to get out of there. Now.

His phone was lost to him. Whether it was broken somewhere or had fallen down the flights, he didn't have time to go looking. Caleb would have to deal until he could get out of there or find someone else with a cellphone. He felt like he was being actively chased by the fire. The smoke was coming down the stairwell faster than he could outrun it.

The eighty-second floor had smoke coming from the doorway. Had the fire spread that fast? Dean still had no idea what was happening. It had to have been some sort of bomb. But how had they gotten it up all the way up? The tower wasn't even open to visitors yet. Last time it had been the parking garage and they'd upped the security since then. How-?

It didn't matter. What mattered was that the smoke had caught up with him. It had caught up with him and he couldn't breathe. It didn't matter. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Stop. People needed help. But that wasn't hig job. His job was to get out. But he could hear them. The door was stuck. He should- should he?

Flashes of baby Sammy being pressed into his arms made the decision for him. He turned and ran back up the stairs until he found the door that had stuck in his mind. Someone was pounding on it from the other side.

Dean glanced up, noticing the fire still spreading. They needed to act fast. Some of the debris was blocking the door if he could just-

The debris moved, the door swung open. People started pouring out. Dean was trapped between the flow of people and the wall. He waited, unsure of what else to do. Saving people had always been his job. The fact that there was no supernatural activity involved that he knew of didn't change that fact.

When the last person had rushed past him down the stairs, he went in finding a man in a wheelchair trying to stand up.

Dean gave him a once over. He was smaller. Dean should be able to lift him with relative ease.

"Legs or back?"

The man blinked up at him, falling back in his chair. "What?"

"I need to know how to carry you."

"Back."

Dean couldn't stop the curse. Fireman's carry was out of the question. "Okay, okay, do you think you could hang on if I tried to get you on my back?"

"I think so." The man nodded.

Dean squatted in front of the chair. "Wrap your arms over my shoulders and then lean into me."

The man did as he was told and Dean crossed his arms over his chest, grabbing the man's wrists.

"Do what you can with your legs. I'll get you out of here but I need all the hlp I can get."

The man nodded into his shoulder and Dean stood up. The smoke was really pouring in now. It was nearly impossible to see.

"Grab onto my left arm." He instructed. "I need my right one to feel my way down."

When his arm was free he felt along the wall. It was slower than he would have like but faster than the man would have been able to get down himself. If the man could have at all. Dean thought about asking his name but at this point just breathing was enough effort without the added idea of speaking.

It was around floor seventy when Dean had to take a break. "Sorry, sorry," He muttered slowing down and finally coming to a stop.

"It's okay. Put me on the steps."

Dean didn't have the energy to decline. He knew he needed to keep moving but was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. His head was pounding and there were far too many memories flooding his mind of smoke and burning and death.

Okay. Okay. He could do this. Don't think about the fact that he was close to a thousand feet in the air in a burning building in the near pitch black. Or that his life was not the only one he was responsible for right now. He felt around until he found the door handle and pulled. It opened and the smoke went into the room. Dean quickly grabbed the other man under the arms and pulled him into the room, moving back away from the fire.

"Just, just give me a minute to catch my breath."

The man nodded. "I'm Samuel by the way." Dean's head jerked up. Of course he was.

"Dean."

Winchester shook his head, clearing the rest of the cobwebs. The floor was beginning to fill with smoke anyway. "Okay. Get on." He instructed.

Dean happened to glance out of the window when he saw it. A plane. And it flew right right into the South Tower.

Debris from the tower was coming towards them and Dean took off a run towards the smoke-filled stairwell.

A plane. It was a plane.

"Did you see that?" Samuel whispered, clutching tighter to Dean's arm.

Dean didn't answer. He hurried down the stairs as quickly as he could.

He wasn't sure of the floor numbers anymore. Just breathe. Step. Breathe. Step. Breathe. Step.

Time seemed to drag on in a never ending world of darkness and smoke. His eyes stung and he wondered if there was even any reason to keep his eyes open. Then his eyes weren't open. Then he was on his knees with someone calling his name. He wasn't sure exactly how long he had been there. Had he lost consciousness or was his head just fuzzy from the smoke?

He felt foolish. He'd been trained to continue to fight in terrible conditions and yet here he was, choking on smoke in a friggin' skyscraper of all things. He really, really hated heights.

"Sir?"

When Dean looked up there was a blur of movement.

"What floor are we on?" he heard Samuel ask.

"thirty-four." An unknown and slightly muffled voice answered.

"He's been carrying me since eighty-three. Collapsed a couple minutes ago."

Dean blinked as hands tilted his face up and something was pressed over his face. "Take a couple of breaths kid." Then to someone above him. "Get him out of here. I'll stay with the kid."

His initial reaction to fight was overridden by the blessing of cool oxygen filling his lungs. "Sam?" Dean muttered, handing the mask back over to who he now realized was a firefighter.

"Someone's got him. Worry about yourself for a minute. I'm Sal."

"Dean," He answered as Sal helped him to his feet. He was barely standing when an earth shattering roar sounded. The building swayed and Dean clutched onto the firefighter, all thoughts of embarrassment long gone. He was going to die. He was going to die in a metal deathtrap higher in the air then he had ever even wanted to be.

The firefighter's radio went off. "South Tower has collapsed. Get out of there now. Over."

"No." the man whispered, an air of disbelief in his voice. Then into his radio, "Coming down."

"What does he mean it collapsed?" Dean asked as Sal started pulling him down the stairs at a much quicker speed than he had been moving before. "How is that even possible?!"

Not that he hadn't thought the building was going to collapse when the initial explosion had happened. But Caleb had always gone on about the structural brilliance of this place. Surely the building couldn't just… fall.

The fireman didn't answer and Dean didn't press. He stumbled down the stairs, the high power flashlight finally allowing him to be able to see where he was going.

The two continued until there was a group of firemen in front of them. One of them was carrying a woman. "What's going on?" Sal shouted.

"We're looking for a chair! It will make it easier to carry her down the rest of the way!" Someone shouted back.

"You good to stand here while I help him look?" Dean nodded, leaning against the wall. He was unsure if he'd ever been this tired in his life.

They weren't sure how long they'd been on the platform, but it couldn't have been too long, when the rumble began. Dean had seen and heard some loud and downright horrific things. But nothing had ever been louder than this moment. A gust of wind stronger than anything Dean had ever felt picked him up and threw him. It was like being attacked by a ghost but with no one to fight back against.

Dean hit the ground. Then there was silence. For a moment Dean thought he was dead. There was no sound. No light. He couldn't breathe. He could taste dust and his eyes burned along with his other senses. For a moment he wondered if he was in Hell.

"Sound off!" Came a shout from somewhere. Names began being called out. He heard Sal call out his name and felt relieved that the other man had survived.

Dean called out after it seemed that no one else was alive to speak. There were fifteen of them. Twelve firefighters, a police officer, the women that they were helping down, and him. A radio went off somewhere. People calling in their locations and asking for help. Dean knew he should get up, try to help. But the idea of just letting the darkness claim him was far more appealing. There was so much smoke. Was there even a hope of them getting out of this alive? Probably not. He was so tired.

"Kid, is that you? You with us?"

An arm shook him slightly and Dean grunted. "Wh-what happened?"

"Not sure. The stairwell is blocked below us. A Lt. Warchola radioed in. Said he's on the twelfth floor. We were heading up to check on him. How are you? Anything broken? Bleeding?"

Dean hummed lightly, finally taking stock of his aching body. His shoulder ached but wasn't broken. There was a cut on his leg but it wasn't life threatening. His head was pounding but it had been since the initial explosion. He might have hit it again but supposed at the moment it didn't really matter.

"I'm fine." Dean finally answered. "Help me up." Some debris had caught him, keeping him from being able to get up himself. The railing had twisted in such a way that squeezing out from it would have been near impossible without the fireman's help.

He followed Sal up the stairs, limping slightly. They went up as high as they could, meeting several other firemen, but there was no use. Everything had caved in. It was nothing but twisted metal above and below them. They were trapped.

The smoke was too much to see. After the failed rescue attempt, the fifteen survivors made their way as far down as they could go and sat together on the debris covered floor. Those who had oxygen, would periodically hand it off to one of the others. Dean was unsure of how long they sat there. Time held no real meaning. His head ached and he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to stay awake.

"Hey," Sal nudged him slightly, handing off the mask.

Dean blinked a couple times before taking it.

"Hang in there kid, we're getting out of here."

A grunt was the answer. Dean had always had a complicated relationship with talking. He had no problem chattering on if necessary, but also found no reason to force out words when what he really wanted was to remain silent. So he just leaned his head back against the wall and breathed.

After a time, the smoke cleared enough for them to be able to catch glimpses of light. The firemen broke away to look around. Dean stayed with the woman, Josephine Harris. They didn't talk. She cried. Dean stared blankly into the darkness.

A commotion above him had him jerking up from a not quite sleep.

"Sunlight!" Someone called, "I think there's a hole big enough to get through!"

Sal appeared a few moments later with a fireman Dean vaguely remembered being named Butler. "You hear that? We're getting out of here. Told you we would."

Dean was pulled to his feet while Butler lifted the quietly sobbing women. They made their way up to the fourth floor.

It wasn't a constant stream, but every once in a while the smoke would clear enough to see sunlight. Dean followed Sal through the hole. The sun was bright. Too bright. But then Dean got a good look around him.

There was nothing.

He supposed nothing was a bad word for it. There was never ending rubble and flames and smoke. But what there wasn't was towers. The twin towers were gone. Dean glanced towards where they had come from and looked up. The tower was gone. The tower had literally collapsed around them.

"Come on kid, let's find someone to get you looked at."

Dean allowed himself to be led forward, ignoring the shouts of rescue personnel, ignoring the hands on him. He felt disjointed. Unreal. He couldn't stop glancing back at where the World Trade Center had once stood. The sky, so full of smoke and debris and who knew what else looked so… empty.

"But it-it's gone."

The guiding hand around him tightened. "I know kid, I know."

(To be continued in Day 16)

~TH~

9/11/01 was an extremely tragic day in America and it had worldwide effects. I hope I dealt with it respectfully. As I mentioned in a pervious note, I was not even born when 9/11 took place, but I EXTENSIVLEY researched the event (I had over 30 tabs open and the floor plan for the building. Not to mention watching hours of survivor footage) and did my best to make them reasonably accurate. Of course I have taken creative liberties. Sid was a real person. I know little to nothing about him except he was part of Station 6 and was assisting a disabled women named Josephine Harris in Stairwell B when the building collapsed and survived.

We'll be seeing Caleb's side of this story on day 16. It has not yet been written so feel free to throw out ideas lol.

I live and breathe comments so let me know what you think!

God bless,

Jamie

[free--therapy]

I've been looking for a "general" mental health blog and stumbled upon yours.

I'm not sure if there's even a concrete answer to this but... I know that co-morbid disorders exist, and there's even ones that often come together. And depending on your past, you could've developed different disorders from different experiences... But... I've been feeling that I have "too many"? as funny as it sounds.

Professional help isn't an option for me due to my environment and my own traumas/triggers, so best I have is looking into my symptoms and trying to find what disorders have them so that I can try use their coping tips... and so far it's been working well, I feel way better than I did before I started doing this and I know myself so much better and know how to help myself get through life...

But, the amount of symptoms is just... concerning tbh.

The more I look into the things I deal with the more I see that there's a lot of disorders which criterias I check off entirely, I started thinking maybe I'm just imagining things... stopped researching stuff and outright denied some self diagnoses because I felt like I was "collecting" disorders... But the symptoms stayed, every time it was clear that I was actually dealing with them and not making them up.

I sort of wonder if there's a disorder (or several) that have a chunk of those symptoms at once, that I instead confuse for separate disorders... Or if I really just... have an extremely vast co-morbidity.

.

(For context, and if it doesn't help your answer feel free to ignore this part but the things I'm currently aware of are and have had for over a decade at least: cycling between periods of mania and depression alongside anything that's included in bipolar disorder. Rumination, compulsions, skin picking and anything related to OCD. Altered states of identity, dissociative amnesia, switching due to positive or negative triggers, splitting due to new trauma and anything else from DID. Agoraphobia or at least very similar symptoms. Eating disorders, but these might stem from other things. Visual hallucinations and prone to delusions, but this most likely correlates with periods of mania. I used to be certain that I have ADHD but lately realized that my manic episodes looked to me like hyperfixation, so not sure about that one anymore. There's some others that I'm not even sure if they have names... So I'll just stop here.

I will add though that I have several PTSDs (if that sentence even makes sense grammatically) so the option that many of the things I experience are just extensions of them sounds plausible, in fact I've had the entire criteria of ASPD for decades but recently after starting to feel better about a specific trauma I've noticed that I no longer exhibit any of those... Meaning it most likely wasn't a disorder, but a coping mechanism that looked the same way.

And well, you most likely can see why I started feeling like I'm "collecting" disorders... And hell maybe I am, but I know for sure that I experience all these symptoms, even if they aren't caused by the disorders I associate them with...)

I'm sorry for the length of this ask, I wanted to give you all the relevant information in hopes it helps. Thank you for your time, and even if there's no real answer to whether I really have so many comorbidies or a disorder I've never heard about... Thank you for reading regardless.

Hey Anon,

I think I understand where you're coming from. A lot of symptoms of different disorders often seem to overlap onto one another, so usually having comorbidities is actually a lot more common than people realize. For example, if you have anxiety, you're likely also depressed and vice versa. You may also have OCD too if the anxiety gets bad enough. Almost everyone suffers from some sort of PTSD which is why anxiety exists since it tries to anticipate things happening based on things that have happened in the past. I also thing this is how some psychiatrists misdiagnose people too since a lot of disorders share the same symptoms. Me personally, I had dysthymia/PDD, but I was also anxious, had a traumatic childhood, and had trichotillomania and misophonia—but a lot of the skills I learned from dealing with my anxiety and depression helped me to get over all of them without feeling like I needed to address them individually.

At the end of the day, diagnoses can be helpful for informational purposes, but I think what helps the most is to be able to learn the proper coping skills for each symptom or disordered thinking/behavior patterns you're dealing with. That's pretty much why I've been trying to make this blog general since I believe the skills can cover a multitude of different disorders and the common aspects of disordered thinking/behaviors that occurs in each one. I also don't have experience or knowledge about everything that's out there, so I'm trying to cover all the things I know about or can help people understand some of the things they're dealing with.

I think that as you start addressing some of the things you're dealing with, your symptoms will lessen overall. You can start to eliminate certain things one by one. I made a list of all my fears or disordered thinking and would sit with myself and figure out how to overcome them or ask myself why certain things bothered me and where the (core) beliefs stemmed from in my childhood. Think of it like a matrix. Try not to focus too much on what your diagnoses are and focus on what patterns need to be addressed, reversed, fixed/improved upon.

Let me know if you have any more questions of if I didn't address something you wanted answered :)