#but I've been frustrated for one reason or another everyday since the start of the event

[cringesnail]

Idk if they'll ever make more purgatories but if they do I hope they'll balance things out because this is truly fun to watch but sometimes i wonder if all the frustration is worth it

[radioactivesweet]

Hi Hi! I was hoping to request a platonic Lawless & Kuro (seperate) x reader! Like what it would be like to be their Eve :) Feel free to ignore have a good day! <3

Have a good day too^^ it's been a while (again) since I've practised writing in English, so I'm sorry if it's a bit rusty!

Btw I'm assuming this being pre-Licht Lawless, so he isn't going to be very pleasant!

Being Lawless' Eve would be difficult. Demanding, even. You can see from the moment you are bound together, that what he cares about isn't you, but how you can entertain him. Whether you are an actor, a singer, or anything else, he wants you to never lose focus or you'll lose his interest. You never asked him what happened to his previous Eves, you didn't need to. There was a glimpse into his eyes you could perceive whenever you were performing, something almost threatening behind his pair of glasses. You tried to ignore the feeling that maybe being his Eve wasn't that good of an idea.

You ignore that gaze and keep on working towards your goals, striving for perfection... and that's actuallyu how you managed to get close to him! You wouldn't exactly call him a friend, but you managed to find a common ground. It's not an easy task - spending most of your time around him, you've come to realize that behind his silly demeanor, Lawless seems to be harboring some kind of shadow you don't ask him about - boundaries are what allow you survive being his Eve. He is difficult to deal with, capricious, exhausting, but, day after day, step after step, he doesn't just seem to find a mere plaything to throw away when he gets bored. Guildestern and Cratz too had noticed a subtle shift in his behaviour - they had started making bets on how long you'd last as his Eve, and were quite surprised with how Lawless almost seemed to enjoy your company. Behind all the teasing and quarrels, it was obvious to anyone but the two of you: friendship was born!

From then on sharing your life with Lawless became easier. You could even think he respected you - and you respected him. Neither of you shown it, but you functioned well together.

Let's be serious: the only reason why you ended up making a contract with was by complete accident (just like what happened with Mahiru). There's no way for Sleepy Ash to be willing to get an Eve - and you want don't want anything to do with this lazy hikkimori you welcomed in your home, fooled by his cute cat appearance. Somehow you ended up sharing your home with him and there was nothing you could do to change the state things were.

It was frustrating to say the least - everyday you'd come back home, the little black cat reverting to his human form, and while you were busy doing chores after a tiring day, Sleepy Ash would be doing nothing but eating junk food and playing video games. He wasn't the best roommate... but not the worst neither; it took you some time (a lot, to be honest) before finally starting to get to know him - how he preffered one snack you bought him over another, or how he told you you reminded him of one of his siblings. Day after, despite being always quite uninterested and quiet, Sleepy Ash would start opening up. Sometimes he'd even smile too. He'd crack a joke or two. Sleepy Ash had many flaws - it would take you aget to count them all - but you learnt how to appreciate them a anyway.

Coming home after a tiring day, Sleepy Ash became someone familiar, a part of your everyday life, an important piece of your routine. He'd make himself comfortable on the sofa, while you'd tell him about your day. He pretends not to be listening - too focused on the latest game you had gifted him - but he actually values every word you say.

[wishful-seeker]

The only doctors that have my respect are ones that continue treatment even if they don't know why it works.

For example i have chronic nausea and vomiting. I throw up everyday, multiple times a day. My stomach doctor has no idea why and nausea meds DO NOT TOUCH IT. Went to the er for it and they gave me meds that coat my stomach. Its used for stomach ulcers, but for some reason it stopped my nausea and vomiting completely. Its resolved now as long as i take this.

I tell my stomach doctor this and he makes it a regular prescription of mine. He says he doesn't know why its helping but he "will never stop trying to make me better." (🥺) and if it works thats all that matters.

I also told him about the dietitian that tried to make me diet without ever seeing or speaking to me during a time where if i followed their advice id be in the hospital because i was constantly vomiting and they told me to eat LESS. When i called the dietitian to file a complaint for putting me in danger they lied and said my stomach doctor told me to diet, even though in the past he has specifically told me not to diet because of my issues, and i have physical proof it wasn't him. They then started denying my calls. Told all of this to my stomach doctor and he said he would personally call them and tell them not to do that ever again.

He says hes sorry he's been unable to help my health very much, but he says its not from a lack of trying, this is when he said the quote above about never giving up on me. This leads me to talk about how most doctors treat me horribly, and i've come to seriously hate every doctor i know besides him and my pain doctor. Ive had countless doctors see me once or twice, not know what to do, than refuse to ever see me again and give me no referls or guide for what to do next. I explain that when doctors don't know how to fix me, they get angry AT ME and are incredibly rude to me. I also told him that the urologist literally said he didn't care i was vomiting everyday. Stomach doc thinks all of this is horrible and a ridiculous way to treat a patient. Says something like "doctors are weirdos, when we can't figure out whats wrong it frustrates us, but thats no reason to treat you this way."

I've known this doc since i was 14, he removed my gallbladder after 2 years of undiagnosed severe abdominal pain and i figured out what was wrong. And this dude treats me like fucking FAMILY. When he comes into the room he shakes my dads and, and instead of shaking my hand he gently puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. When he went to leave the room he shook my dads hand, i held out my hand for a handshake, which he gave, but he was aiming to give me a hug! And he gave me one!

Lastly, i have a heat sock i have to bring everywhere. Its rice in a sock that i heat in the microwave. I literally need it on my knees 24/7. Because of this is gets a little burnt and what used to be a white sock is now a very dirty looking brown. Its not actually dirty but it looks gross. Doc says something like "i know what to get you for your birthday! A new sock, because that one is gross." Lmaoooo

I really love this dude and you will probably never hear me say that about another doctor ever.

He listens to me, respects me, and ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME. I have never met a doctor that genuinely cared for me as a person, not a patient. My pain doctor cares, but he doesn't know me well or treat me like im his niece or something. This dude legit treats me like a member of his family, which i can tell you thats every disabled persons dream: a doctor who actually cares about them.

This dude is the goat.

[cartooncadet666]

Diary Entry #1:

Okay... I think I have to vent about some of these things, I can't focus I need to get all of this off my mind.

Starting with that...

Spiral has been getting very defensive lately, every time someone from our school says anything remotely negative about Skeebo, he gets so frustrated that sometimes it's hard not to speak back at the student for using a foul mouth.

He keeps his usual joking and goofy mood, being optimistic in hard times, but he's also been growing more serious when others are included in our dangerous missions or when people are getting misunderstood due to hurtful stereotypes.

I don't know why he's acting this way, last week, he got into a fist fight with another boy because they were saying hurtful things like Skeebo "deserved" his death. When they both got sent to the office, everyone was saying that the kid needed to get pounded on after that. All of this new stress towards everyone just got worse, and Pac and Spiral got the worst of it, I hope nothing else gets affected.

Oh! I almost forgot another thing, ever since his death, the ghosts started dying down on their attacks, a lot of them were more anxious when coming to Pac World. At some point President Spheros asked us to investigate with the Ghost Gang to see what the fuss was, even if the guys were about to protest against it.

And guess what we found? The entire Netherworld started acting like everyone in the city, everyone was anxious and stayed next to each other in groups. Half of Betrayus's guard ghosts were even at that guy Ogle's place! Turns out Betrayus's evil team started getting emotional during the news of Skeebo's execution, I think him, Specter, and Buttocks were the ones more ballistic. That was why the ghost attacks were dying down, they were all very sensitive to the President's decisions and execution was just a topic they despised for him to do.

I know I'm probably complaining of how things have been recently, but we're still hurting at the end of the day. Pac hasn't been eating well, his sleeping issues just worsened, and he's getting so sensitive now, I can't bear to look at him when he's like this, he looks like he'll break any second.. When Skeebo was killed, I couldn't just stand to look at his face when he heard the news, it was like something shattered in him.

School is close to ending for the year, and every time we have our days off Pac stays in the dorm asleep or sulking in his bed. His eyes just grew bags and red from all the crying, and it gets even sadder. Somehow, after the execution they were able to save Skeebo's jacket, a few tears here and there, but I was able to sew it up. Skeebo's friends let Pac keep it, and he wears his jacket everyday at every place he goes, even during our battles.

... I can't help but tear up reading this, like sure okay Skeebo was a jerk, he had his days, but when I found out he got executed by our government I started having second thoughts on the way he's been acting.

Surely he had a reason to spy against us... Right?? I mean, I know his stepmom, I've met her before (and I regret it cause she was such a prick) and I knew Kiki a bit. I knew she transferred to our school after Berry Day, and I found out she moved just to see Skeebo again because they were best friends. But I don't know what his reason would be... Have people been too harsh on him? Was it Betrayus working him off? Was it us? Was it me...?

I don't know what I should be feeling.. I feel so terrible! I hope wherever he is, he's doing better now... There has to be a way to get things back to the way they were, I don't think a lot of us can live with this change forever..

Anyways, that's what I'm going to leave with for now, things will get better soon I'm sure, we just all have to try.

-Cylindria

[quincyhorst]

Headcanon Potpourri: Red Matador (1)

It's been a whole month since I got into Red Matador and developed a whole phase, so you know what? I'm going to start sharing what I've written so far.

Expect this specific post to be highly focused on Mikel Pereiro, since he was the reason I got onto the team in the first place. Other characters I consider close to him are here too :')

Mikel lives nearby the spanish coast, perhaps where the 'Spanish Armada' once sailed. I was thinking of Galicia, for now. Makes sense since Pereiro is a galician surname.

Though, recently I've found out his name (Mikel) is the basque version of Miguel; so who knows.

I'm not interested too much on developing his family, but I like the idea of his father having a special interest on the nautical since young, resulting on him having many books/images that his son uses as reference. However his marine dizzyness made him getting a job related to the field impossible, hence why he had to dedicate to something else instead. Although with a frustrated dream, he still works hard everyday to provide income for the family. Mikel isn't THAT interested on the topic, but he admires his father at the distance. In fact, his crafting hobby started by him just trying to create a birthday present.

(He has a mother too; she serves lunch at a school.)

Overall, Mikel has made many few scale models in the past, his first ones being of beginner quality but they have improved over time. He's often suggested to sell his work, but he always prefers to keep them himself or give them to close ones. It's just a neat little activity that gives him peace, and turning that into something for profit makes him feel uneasy.

When he's working, he's absort on the moment, modelling, painting and assembling each little piece with care and detail. He prefers to not be interrupted, and his family respects that. But maybe not his other sorroundings... Those who interrumpt him will get a harsh scolding.

He isn't the only Galician on Red Matador however, as he's neighbours with Igor Freire. They go to the same school, play at the same team, and the two did hang out quite few times before the FFI.

...Well, most times it was Igor who just wanted to see Mikel. Given he's also an only child, he sees an older brother figure on him🥺

(Alternatively, I could also see them as from different schools, but they met during a regional tournament. Not sure.)

As RM is formed, Igor meets and bonds inmediately with Pedro Moreno. Now the two are inseparable, even after the tournament was over. They are mutually sending each other emails, photos, and as technology progresses they also start making videocalls too.

Plus, post-FFI Pedro often travels from Salamanca to meet Igor, and the two often go and visit Mikel too. He's fine with both, but having them around while trying to craft is pure hell. These two are a literal tornado of destruction, and no boat will be finished on their sight.

...And yes, Mikel had to constantly look over them during the FFI because of this reason. Putting these two by themselves in an isolated island AND their low impulse control wasn't a very good idea at all.

Another addition to this group? Joan Nadal, granted he's close to the two shorties in position and the overall formation. They treat him like a "fun uncle", although he likes to joke around with also being Igor's older brother (Since they do look similar). Sometimes Joan is the one looking over them if Mikel's busy, but there's times in which he just cannot resist joining in the fun. You'll see them cooking together all the time. Igor's unique cooking tips and Pedro's enthusiasm blend well with Joan's habit of cooking five meals a day.

Unfortunately when it comes to setting, Joan's home is at the Balearic Islands, so he's quite away from them outside of the FFI.

And as for the last MF, Carlos Arroyo... Unfortunately, he already has his own group within the RM bench group (But that alone deserves a whole other post), so he does not care about the field players. I feel like the only other midfielder he gets decently with is Mikel, but that's because both are on the same vibe (? 🐱

By the way, as an extra, but I'd also like to talk about... David Peroqui. (Or Davi, a given nickname) In my earlier ideas for RM he was meant to be more closer to Mikel/Pedro/Igor in setting and grup, but I've decided to put him with Querardo and Samuel instead. (Mainly because of Slingshot and... Well, they feel like the team jocks to me (?)) However that doesn't mind he can't bond with the midfielders. He and Joan get on well c:

Meanwhile, Igor is very intimidated by how serious the forward looks all the time, but Pedro's quick to break the ice with his jokes. Surprisingly, he doesn't act too stern with their usual goofy selves...

Its with Mikel where things are a bit more complicated. Given he's part of the Slingshot trio, a group he dislikes, the midfielder already tends to keep his distance. And this would be mutual, except that... Deep down, Davi does have some feelings of respect for Mikel (as a player, teammate, and person); although they get often mixed with resentment due to.... A very personal complex. It's hard to explain, so keep it there for now. I'll develop it somewhere else.

So in most occassions things seem cold between the two, but Davi wants to find a way to express himself properly. Maybe the other midfielders can help him on that. Emphasis on maybe.

That's all for now. Expect a separate post for the RM bench (and other) dynamics too. Keep on mind my head is still fresh with them even if its been a month; so things could be different in the future.

Bonus: Them :')

[kittykatinabag]

RIP to my go-to bra shop Lively. It got bought out by one of the big brands (Wacoal) and now every style is being final-sale'd and the new line under Wacoal is basically we-have-Lively-at-home, only even worse because the size range shrunk.

Which is a problem for me because my body is annoying in that my ribcage is on the small-average size, but the widest part of my chest is quite large. Technically I should be either an H or I cup with my band size, but I usually just suck it up and squeeze into a DD or DDD/E cup because H/I cups are virtually impossible to find in my band size. Even DD/DDD/E are not super common.

"oh but sister sizes Kristen!"

A fucking lie, that's what that is. It's just going to sit wrong and not work because the band should be snug to your ribcage circumference while the cup contains the rest of the tissue. That's how this shit works. They're independent variables. If you change to a "sister size" even if the cup volume is the same it won't fit right. And this isn't even getting into the actual cut of the bra style, which can be incredibly frustrating to work with in small band-big cup sizes because they don't seem to understand that you need a bigger fabric ratio to cover everything than a small band-small cup size would need.

Anyways for the first time in my life I bought a bunch of new bras for under $10/each, so at least there's that last good thing. Another pretty horrible thing about Lively going under is that there's one less wire-free bra manufacturer out there. Wacoal is ok on this front, especially compared to other big brands, but no one really got the every-day-thats-not-a-fucking-bralette market that Lively basically had locked down. I felt pretty secure in their everyday wireless bras. The bralettes are good too but everyone and their mother can make a comfortable bralette. Not a ton of people can make a supportive wire free full on bra. Also their prices weren't the worst out there, especially so when looking for weird sizing options.

I hate simping for brands but this is one that I've been using since it started and affects my every day life. The rewards program was good at first, but it also was one of the first things to be axed. When they had a physical store, it was cute and fun, lots of freebies too. It was the first time in my life that I actually had bras that made me look good and didn't bother any sensory issues I have. Well, at least until last year when I assume they started switching their manufacturing to Wacoal's manufacturing and subtle stuff has changed. I have the same style bra from like 3 years ago and one from within the last year and for some reason they made the strap attachment point on the new one so bulky and itchy for no discernable reason. But that's only been this one style and the others I've gotten don't have this problem.

Anyways RIP to me. I'm going to wear this last order until they fall apart. And then maybe I will have learned to sew so I can steal the pattern and make my own.

[wtfuggg]

1st?

Writing this for myself. I think. I don't really know what I'm doing starting this; probably the same reason that I've bought 6 journals from Whitcoulls and not once have I made it past 4 entries. I think I love the idea of having my thoughts in one place so I can reflect back and see what I thought at a specific time. Such a shame my memory stretches back to max last weekend.

Like, my memory now is horrifically bad. I don't even recall what I had for lunch yesterday, let along what I did at work today. My grandma had Alzheimers, so maybe it's started making its way down to me. Finger's crossed it isn't but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised, I feel like my dad's side of the genetics (aka my fucked up hairline) is predominent in my make up. Sad right?

Anyways, I wish I could just reflect back on my life and instantly recall what I felt. I wish I could look back in time and remember what I thought when I was in the closet? Or what I felt when my mum passed away? Or when I was in love with my best friend's American flatmate? God I wish I had written down my thoughts more often, time is flying by incredibly fucking fast. And it's scary. And it's daunting. And its all the synonyms of "frightening" you can think of.

Here goes my first entry. Digital this time, so maybe I wont be as ceebs when it comes to this in comparison to when I grab a pen and paper and I feel like I'm in an indie little film x

Bur for real, I wanna start this little blog off with how I'm, feeling right now. Right now is Friday the 15th of September 2023. A week prior to my one year anniversary at work. A year and a month since I've moved to Auckland. 2 years since I graduated uni. 2 years since my mum died. 3 years since covid. God, isn't it weird how you think of time through milestones? Like why can't everyday just be a milestone. I guess its self explanatory - and I guess I'm only frustrated that I can't remember my life.

I'm already ceebs writing this not gonna lie hahahaha, but I'm gonna push through but maybe I break this down into more bit sized chunks. Next one I'll do a piece on how I push people away, maybe sprinkle a little bit of self pity and self loathing into that one xox

Right now, I feel like I'm going through it - but not in the same way that I've gone through it in the past. I think it's some sort of growth, but I couldn't be certain. I really have no idea what I'm feeling. I wish I could say. I mean a few nights ago, I was ranting to my flatmate how I'd wanna go back to Christianity, then the following day I was sending Gavin Caselegno messages asking him for dick pics? Like I cant seem to make my mind up. God it must be so exhausting to be around me. I pity myself. I pity anyone around me to be honest. Don't think anyone should be around me. Why? Cause I'm fucking up and down man, every single day. I could be happy one moment and be depressed as fuck the next. It's a constant cycle of being inconsistent. If it's tiring for me, I can't even begin to imagine what it'd be like for anyone in close proximity to me. Or maybe I'm just overthinking this too much. No one actually cares. Genuinely no one. So maybe I just live my life how I wanna live it lol.

I think it's all catching up to me - being indecisive that is. I feel my entire life has been a mask - I don't really know myself and thats why I cant control my emotions. In fact, for a little while i thought everyone was faking their emotions cause i didnt feel any. Probably up until 2021, I genuinely thought that there was something wrong with me cause I never felt any 'real' emotion. Or If i did, I didn't think they were real, or I didn't have the emotional capacity to rationalise them. I mean, don't get me wrong, I feel all the emotions, but empathy is something I dont think I have.

That's another thing too. I'm so fucking selfish its insane hahahaha, Like I feel like I'm only ever concerned about myself. But so be it, am i right? No one's ever been there for me. Friends drift away, relationships drift away, even family, who i thought would be forever.. also drift away.. how fucking sad hey. Mateeeee honestly now that I'm starting to unpack this I feel like this will take way longer than anticipated lol. maybe this can be my little therapy book x

Kinda tired writing - so maybe i give this up and save it for another time. My flatmates are also watching a fucking show and I can't sleep and its grinding my gears damn. Anyways, okay signing off. Gonna check back in soon x

[bcdwhcre]

Oml I've had this request idea for so long so I was wondering how you'd do it. How about some headcanons/little scenarios of Levi, Erwin, and Hanji getting caught making out with their fem so by someone else in the scouts? 😏 This has been in my head so LONG soooo I feel like you would portray it well

“Caught,” Levi x Erwin x Hange Headcanons

okay okaaaay cute idea🥺

Summary: getting caught making out with your s/o by another scout.

Warnings: implied smut with Erwin

Fem!Reader

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Levi:

He’s always been the type to be clingy and openly affectionate in private. He never really liked PDA or even being flirty with you in front of others. He liked to cherish you behind the closed doors and show you how much he loves you there.

It never bothered you, you were always professional when it came to your work so you agreed with him about not wanting to show too much of your relationship to the other Scouts.

One day Levi was more clingy than usual, he said it was only because he had a nightmare about losing you and it felt too real. The entire day when no one was looking, he would touch you in any way he could. Grabbing your hand, touching your lower back. He felt like he needed some slight touch of yours to be reminded you were still here.

Around the afternoon, he had forced you to stop your work and come to his office. It had bugged you but you couldn’t sit there and complain about Levi wanting to be around you for every second.

He was just a teddy bear, very hands on and loving so him having a dream about you no longer being here- it had crushed him in ways he couldn’t explain. He was deeply in love with you, he couldn’t handle losing you so the slight dream just fed into his insecurities and anxiety that he had to be around you.

As you stepped inside his office after knocking, his eyes lit up when he seen you and instantly stood up from his desk as you walked over. His arms embraced you in a tight hug, his lips kissing the side of your head and a sigh of relief slipped out of his mouth.

“Why did you call me here?” You mumbled, rubbing his back and he grunted under his breath, his eyes moving to look at you.

“Just missed you is all.” He barely said loud enough for you to hear, feeling embarassed for admitting that out loud. He felt dumb for bothering you and taking you away from your work to see him but he felt like he needed it desperately.

“Hm, because you missed me?” You teased, making him roll his eyes and his hands grabbed a hold of your cheeks firmly, staring into your eyes.

“Yes,” He quietly said, admiring you as his thumbs rubbed over your soft skin.

Time felt like it had frozen still just for a moment, his eyes burning into yours and another huff escaped his mouth as he tried to rid the insecurities he had replaying in his head.

You could tell how frustrated he really was, he hated to be deep into thought about everything- especially when it came to negative thoughts. You moved your hands to rest on his sides, gripping onto the material of his shirt and tugged him closer.

You wanted to take away his troubles, his thoughts and his anxiety. You wish you could easily take it from his hands and deal with it yourself, he deserved to be happy everyday.

As you felt his thumbs brush over your cheeks, you leaned up to press your lips on his. A gentle kiss but it definitely made him feel better, making all the stress slip off his shoulders and replaced with love and butterflies.

His hands stayed firmly on your cheeks, afraid of letting you go but also not wanting you to pull back from his lips. He just needed this a little longer. He had tilted his head, leaning more into your mouth as both of your lips moved in sync with one another.

Suddenly the door had opened up, Armin and Jean walking inside while calling for Levi before noticing the scene before them, making them freeze in the doorway and made the both of you break apart and glance back at the door.

All four of you stared at each other, the awkward tension and not really knowing what to say about what had just happened. Your relationship wasn’t a secret, no, but it wasn’t clear if everyone knew about it or not considering you two aren’t much of a pda type couple.

Armin and Jean’s eyes were wide, they had no clue about your relationship so walking in felt like they violated your privacy and saw something they weren’t supposed to see.

Levi grew frustrated, staring at the both of them and crossed his arms over his chest as he gave them a cold stare.

“You either speak on why you’re here or leave.” He simply said, causing the both of them to stumble on their words and Armin ended up just grabbing Jean and dragging him out of the office.

“We’re so sorry, we didn’t see anything. Ignore us.” Armin rushed out, grabbing the door and shut it, hearing them panic as they go down the hall,

“You scared the poor boys.” You glanced over at Levi, making him roll his eyes and meet your gaze.

“Maybe they should learn how to knock.”

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Erwin:

Erwin is the type of person who likes to have everyone know you’re his but he’s also very professional in his work and making sure that his work and your relationship don’t intertwine and ruin one another.

He’s always kept his head screwed on and he always treated you more like a colleague while working and you always done the same to him. He cared a lot about his job, it was one of his favorite things along with you.

So, it didn’t bother you to have him focus on his work during the day and come home to cherish you ten times more. It was a good mixture to keep the relationship healthy and stable.

But one particular day, you found yourself a bit more needier and trying to go about your work as if nothing is wrong was bugging you. You couldn’t help but think of Erwin repeatedly, the other night replaying in your head of him touching you in all the right places.

It was really starting to annoy you, sure this has happened before but the other times it was easy to manage and ignore. This time it just was on the tip of your brain, repeating like a broken record and it was starting to make you go crazy as you keep catching yourself zoning out and daydreaming about it

You were stationed on the opposite side of the base, trying to concentrate on the plan for the expedition coming up and as you sat there trying to listen, it was getting more evident that you were dozing off into thought.

After a while there was a meeting that had to be held with most of the Scouts, mainly the higher ups, to discuss the next expedition but you were too lost in your train of thought to even realize what they were saying.

“Y/N.” Levi snapped his fingers in your face and your eyes shot up to meet his, the scary plain look on his face and you could automatically tell he was irritated.

Erwin had looked across the room, noticing you zoning out and he tried not to think too hard about it, you two were at work- not at home but he felt like there was something wrong, maybe you were upset or too in a depressing mood to work.

As the meeting went on, it had finished up and Erwin had asked for you to come to his office and at first you thought that he had caught on and it had actually excited you a bit but the both of your thoughts were far from similar.

Once you stepped inside, you turn to face him as he shut his door and you reached out to grab a hold of his hands. He had looked at you with concern and before he could ask you what’s going on, you had smashed your lips onto his.

He was a bit taken back but he couldn’t deny that he liked the sudden kiss from you and he wasn’t too phased since it was inside his office. Your hands had moved up to cup his cheeks and eventually sliding them back to tangle in his hair, both of your lips molded together.

Suddenly the door had creaked open and someone had grunted loud enough for the both of you to hear. Erwin had ripped away from you, both of your eyes moving to meet with Levi’s as he shot you both a disgusting look.

“Please, there’s a lock on the door for a reason.” He rolled his eyes, walking inside and slamming the papers on Erwin’s desk before returning to the door.

“My apologies.” Erwin spoke, making you hold back a laugh at how red his face was from embarrassment.

“Tch, save it. Just lock the fucking door.” Levi shut the door behind him and that’s when a laugh had slipped past your lips.

Erwin was completely flustered, his cheeks heated up and the look of fear knowing Levi had caught the both of you making out. You didn’t find it that much of a big deal, it was Erwin’s office after all- not his fault that Levi didn’t know how to knock.

“Whats so funny?” He raised his eyebrows in amusement at your small fit of giggles as you shook your head.

“It’s funny how flustered you are.”

“I’m not flustered.”

“Hun, your face is more red than a tomato.” You pointed out and he huffed out a breath, moving to sit down at his desk trying to rid of the thoughts of being walked in on.

“C’mon, it’s not that bad. We were just kissing.” You teased, leaning over his desk to place another kiss on his lips and he looked up at you, the small smile edging in his lips.

Erwin remained silent, his large hand reaching up and caressing one of your cheeks as his thumb brushed over you skin slowly. He released another breath, the sight of you instantly making his nerves calm down and the embarrassment slip away.

“Still humiliating.” He said sacrastically, a gentle chuckle leaving his lips and you rolled your eyes.

“Better get over that thought because I’m not finished with you yet.” You mumbled, grabbing a hold of his chin and he had looked at you surprised.

You couldn’t care less about Levi walking in, your main thoughts were still on your boyfriend and the previous thoughts you’ve been having all day and being seen making out wasnt going to stop you from getting what you wanted.

“Oh?” He simply said, collecting his thoughts and finally realizing what you had been talking about and it made him realize why you’ve been zoning out all day. It made sense.

“This time, lock the door.”

.

.

Hange:

Now, Hange never cared what anyone thought whether it was about her or her work so she wasn’t ashamed or phased in the slightest when she got into a relationship and she sure wasn’t embarrassed to show it off and to show you off.

But you, on the other hand, were the opposite. You were really shy and awkward when it came to opening up and you were always flustered when it came to the Scouts teasing you about your relationship.

You weren’t embarrassed or ashamed to be with her, you were more than in love with her but you weren’t used to this sort of attention, you’ll admit that she’s actually your first relationship so you were still getting used to it.

You worked under her, being apart of her team and helping her with a lot of research studies she was obsessed with, that was the main reason why you two gotten so close.

As you stood inside her little lab, sitting on a stool and reading over papers while she mumbled to herself about some theory she was testing out. You glanced over at her when her mumbling got louder. Hange is always unaware when she starts talking to herself when working, you thought it was cute.

All of a sudden a loud excited scream left her lips, almost startling you and she jumped up.

“I figured it out!” She laughed more to herself, completely forgetting you were in the room as she grabbed her pen and began to scribble down on her journal.

“Figured what out?” You spoke, your eyes turning back to the paper before you and her eyes shot towards you.

“Something about Eren’s titan form.” She couldn’t hold back the excitement running through her veins as the adrenaline was pumping through, making her more hyper than ever.

She went over to where you were, her arms wrapping around you from behind and she glanced over your shoulder to see what you were reading before sliding it away from your vision.

You turned your head, raising a eyebrow all while the butterflies swarmed your stomach when her grip around you tightened, her lips planting a gentle kiss on your cheek, making your cheeks grow red.

“What?” You asked, noticing how concentrated she was on you and you were almost convinced you had something on your face.

“Nothing nothing, I’m just happy is all.” Her voice was low, making a small smile come across your lips.

Hange couldn’t help the overwhelming amount of love she had for you. She was deeply in love, more than she can explain out loud and it was never her intention to fall for one of her cadets or anyone in the Scouts period.

But the day you came in after the training corps, set on being under her team and wanting to work with her little experiments and loving her theories just as much as she did- she suddenly fell right into that deep hole with you.

She always thought that she would only be in love with her work and her job. She never seen herself with anyone before you only because everyone thought she was crazy for being so obsessive over the Titans and wanting to learn their way of thinking and behavior.

But you, pushed her in the right direction and always gave her good advice and made her feel more confident in her work, even though she was pretty confident before but having you was like a big bonus.

You could tell she had gotten lost in her train of thought again, she always zoned out and thought about you and it was always cute to see. Soon she had snapped out of her, her attention back onto you and she leaned down to press her lips on yours.

It was a soft kiss, definitely meaningful to the both of you. Your hand moved up to cup her cheek to keep her in place, tilting your head and leaning more into her. The small make out session was starting to get heated pretty fast but it ended abruptly when the door had opened, both of your eyes shooting over to the door to see Eren.

“Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t- I wasn’t- I didn’t see anything.” He stuttered, quickly walking out and shutting the door behind him.

“Don’t worry about it, kid!” Hange shouted as Eren’s face turned bright red, quickly walking down the hallway and away from the room, trying to rid the scene he just witnessed.

She turned to look back at you, your face completely flustered and bright red again. The embarrassment lingered over your head like a rainy cloud and she couldn’t help but laugh at it.

“So humiliating.” You mumbled, shaking your head as you looked down to hide your face considering how hot your skin was.

She quickly grabbed your chin and tilted your head up to look at her, the small smirk on her face had made you almost melt beneath her fingertips. Her lips kissed your red cheek a few times, trying to hold back her laugh.

“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s his fault he barged in here.”

“I’m still embarrassed.”

“Don’t be!”

.

.

.

Anywhooooo, been a long few days. 🥺

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

[choibinn3]

GET IT TOGETHER, JUNGWON!!

[ four. O_o Yang Jungwonnie ]

series masterlist

⋆·˚ ༘ * in which jungwon had meant for that love letter to go to yeri, and not you—her bff. for some reason though, he finds that with each moment he spends together with you he's closer and closer to forgetting all about that damn letter.

luv note - chloe moriondo

WRITTEN PORTION. 1.9k words

btw remember that second hand embarrassment tag?? yeahh....

ps. this is bad, very, very bad and cheesy so be warned (its meant to be, but youll still feel pain lol)

—

student council room.

Jungwon could feel his hands clamming up, but he instead urged himself to just swallow down his nerves. For the past week he thought the biggest worry he had was his parents and Student Council work.

Not potentially losing friendships and breaking your heart.

"Jungwon? Are you still there?" your voice asked. It was slightly muffled by the door, but still distinct. "I had to tell Hyuka to go back without me."

You, he remembered. He had to fix this. He had known you since you were both in kindergarten, incidentally somehow being in the same classes up until High School. Still, he didn't know you though.

You were closer than acquaintances, maybe a little less than friends, and definitely not more than people with mutual friends. With everything that had been happening since the Student Council election, he had assumed he'd get closer to you naturally. It just never happened though, but he enjoyed your company when he could.

Yeri on the other hand, he was connected with. Being both Student Council President and Vice President meant they worked together often, and he found himself being drawn to her sweetness. He enjoyed their dynamic and their current friendship.

The way they worked complemented each other, and she always found a way to make him smile—it seemed as though her kindness and generosity knew no bounds. Plus, she related to him in a way none of his other friends did.

Late, after class and after hours, they'd both talk casually while doing paperwork. Jungwon's parents were hardheaded and stubborn people, wanting the best for him and yet stressing him out. They were the whole reason he ran for President in the first place.

He couldn't find it in himself to hate them though.

Yeri was the same, and she supported him throughout all the difficult times he went through because of them. She was soft, so level headed, fiercely loyal, and unbelievably pretty.

They had been partners and friends for a little over a month, and Jungwon was sure he wanted to at least try with her. It was young, new and unfurling feelings, it was something he wanted to find out.

Your energetic personality was charming, but that was all it was. It didn't strike his heart in any particular way. Jungwon was almost 100% sure there was no way Yeri would ever date him after this, but he needed to prioritize your feelings currently.

He just hoped Yeri and him could still be friends afterwards though—because being a liar was the one thing Jungwon wasn't.

"Yeah," he called out, "still here. You can just come back in now."

He watched as you nervously peeled back the sliding door of the clubroom, inching inside to peer at him. You walked closer to stand in front of him, and Jungwon smiled in hopes of easing your anxiousness.

You threw one back, although a bit hesitantly. "Jungwon," you started, twiddling with your fingers. He simply watched—wanting to at least let you talk a bit. Crushing your feelings now would be nothing but brutal. "Honestly, I was really surprised with the letter. Do you... remember back in 3rd grade?"

"No? I'm sorry, I'm not good with memories from Elementary School," the doe-eyed boy replied. He was telling the truth, grade school felt like ages ago and he just hasn't had the time to reminisce on childhood memories.

You held your hands up in a defensive manner. "That's fine! Um, you like... Uhh, how do I say this..." You made gestures with your figures, hoping to convey it to him in one way or another. God, this was dumb.

Jungwon observed silently as you laughed at your own stuttering. Endearing, came to mind. That was cute.

In the Council Room and in class, you were always particularly enthusiastic and excitable. Seeing you bashful was a very different side of you for the black-haired boy.

"I sent you my own love letter once. Like, a long, long time ago, and you sort of rejected me? I think."

"You think?" The boy held back a laugh, but quickly composed himself. He wasn't laughing maliciously, just... how could you be unsure of such a thing? "I'm sorry, but I still don't remember."

"Yeah, that's fine!" You nodded, embarrassed from his almost-chuckle. You did not want to seem like an idiot in front of him today. "Actually, I don't remember much either, but you didn't reply to it."

Jungwon gazed at your brows furrowed from trying to think of more words to say, and suddenly he felt a tonne of guilt fall onto him. His expression grew solemn.

Quick, get it over with, before this would get any worse.

"Look, YN—"

He had to shut his mouth almost immediately.

"What I'm trying to say is—!" You took a deep breath. "I've liked you since then! Since years, and years ago," you finally blurted, closing your eyes as to not see his reaction.

"You're the only one I've ever felt this way towards. I thought once I grew up this warmth would just... go away, but it hasn't and I don't think it will. I was honestly going to just swallow it all down hoping I'd get over it before we graduate, but I couldn't. My feelings were overflowing—I just found myself finding more things about I liked about you instead."

Your goal today was to not embarrass yourself, but to hastily tell him you liked him too before sprinting away. It seemed as though nothing was going to plan so far, for neither of you, actually.

Jungwon was left unable to speak from your surprising declaration. You took that as a sign to continue. Whatever happened next was something for future you to panic over.

"I like your dimples, that smile you make when you're passing by strangers in the hallway, and the way your hair falls when you comb through it. You're admirable in everything you do, truly. The way you help underclassmen, the way you always make sure to assist teachers during your free periods, and how you never seem to complain or get frustrated when we make mistakes."

You had nurtured your feelings for what felt like forever. Even when you were technically rejected back then, and even now. At first, you thought that he would be a passing crush from when you were a kid—but he wasn't. He grew into his own so much so that you found yourself admiring his leadership, compassion and thoughtfulness with each day you watched him.

"I like how mature you are, how you still find the time to care for your friends even with Student Council work, the natural way you light up any room you walk into, how I could honestly hear your voice talk for hours on end, how even though we haven't spoken much you still remember my favorite color from when I told you during introductions, I'm rambling gahh, just—all of it! I like all of it, everything about you!"

Everyday of harboring your secret affections for the boy consisted of soft glances during his speeches, wishes to be able to encase his hand within yours to interlock your fingers under the table during meetings, and wantings to be more than what you were to him. It was alright for a while, but it had started to become painful.

All crushes are painful, you told yourself in 5th grade, watching him start to receive confessions from your classmates.

"—I like you! I've liked you since the 3rd grade, and so I accept! I really, really want to be with you Yang Jungwon. Please take care of me!"

They were all painful, but you were given the chance to make yours not. To make your feelings real and acknowledged, to bare yourself in front of him like a vivisection—and you were taking it. Even when you were practically trembling from the embarrassment.

Jungwon was stilled from the shock. Heeseung had already told him of your long held feelings, but hearing it from your mouth while you had your eyes shut tight made him flustered.

How were you able to do that so shamelessly? To be so vulnerable and weak in front of someone? He had to write a whole letter, albeit a bit poorly, and somehow you were able to say it all.

He's received confessions before, felt those kind of feelings, but he wouldn't have been able to yell out those sort of things ever—no matter how strong his feelings were. You were dangerously bold, he thought.

Bold enough to send a bright heat to overtake his cheeks.

You looked up finally after mustering enough courage from his lack of speaking, only to find yourself blinking at a red-faced Jungwon. Oh my God, he's blushing...! YOU did that.

The both of you stood there for a while, thinking the same thought of what is even happening? Is this real, or have I just been in a daze for the past few days? Jungwon's eyes were comically wide and his mouth was gaping, but he couldn't find it in himself to close it.

The thought made you gain confidence all of a sudden, finding the opportunity to do something you had always wanted to do. Quickly and stealthily, you went onto your tippy toes—

and kissed him on the cheek.

Jungwon felt your lips on the smooth expanse of his skin, and smelt your scent from the intimate proximity. It was a chaste gesture, almost no where close to his lips at all, but he heard his heart beating against his ribcage nonetheless. It thrummed in his ears like a drum, and he wanted to whisper for it to stop.

For it to not be swayed so easily.

It was the innocence of such a thing that got to him. Not once had Jungwon held hands, kissed, or even confessed to someone up until now. Of course, you suddenly getting so close and pecking him with your hands balled up would send his heart into a flurry.

The usually put together Student Council President in front of you let out a strangled noise from the back of his throat, the tips of his ears and face becoming rosier. His throat was closing up, God, why was his throat closing up? Not now, please. He couldn't even remember what he was meant to be saying.

You smiled at him, happy to be rendering him to such a state. It was one of the most impulsive things you've done up to date, but you couldn't find yourself regretting it.

This was what those coming of age dramas on TV were describing—it was the start of one of those cheesy, really bad High School romances. Fervent, mushy, uncertain, but so tender it made your heart ache for hours even after watching.

As you retreated slowly, he caught a glimpse of your bright eyes, downcast lashes, and—holy shit you were so close. He could see the particular way you curled your lips.

He had to hold his breath.

Jungwon watched as your expression morphed into one of slight mischievousness, and an inkling of something softer, before you dashed out the sliding doors—

"Wait!

The sudden motion made him gain his words back, but you were already through the hallways with your hand on your bag.

—leaving him with nothing but the memory and the patter of your footsteps. So fast, so much speed, were you in track? The past few seconds were nothing but a blur of confusion and feelings he didn't want felt.

What just... What just happened?

previous | next - series masterlist

TLDR (but whyy :( pls read it); jungwon goes to do take backsies on his confession, u kiss his cheek, he goes coocoo bananas!!!

TAGLIST; @lumixen @ghjasksdk @atinyyylove @jjikyuu @yjwooon @ncityy04 @tyunni @littlewolfieposts @xoxojayd3n @rosiechaengz @sunshine-skz @youreverydayzebra @hobistigma @plshhhhhhh @lokideadontheinside @alo-ehas @milkycloudtyg @bangtopia

send an ask or dm

i wanted to emphasize how new his feelings for yeri :] if u could guess what this could mean. alsoooo... did u notice how fast this went ? i intended it to be rushed and "in the moment" like it was in the scene hehe

[meimae]

Language Learning Through Immersion: One & a Half Years Japanese Update

11/9/21

Today marks 1.5 years of learning Japanese through immersion. ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

Some things have changed since my 1 year update, mostly in how I use Anki and in the way I've been selecting my immersion material. Still very much enjoying this method of learning, but I think its good to reassess and plan how I'd like to proceed every half year.

In a span of 6 months, I managed to add another 734.62 hours of immersion to my overall count. I somehow ended up immersing a similar amount of hours (367.04 for listening, 367.58 for reading) for both skills, reading beating listening for exactly 10.8 minutes. I also have 270.01 hours of passive listening (JPN subbed content), so I’ve actually immersed a total of 2231.28 hours, 1961.27 hours of which are active, averaging 3.99 hours for the past 6 months or 3.57 for the past 1.5 years of everyday Japanese language immersion. I've also spent another 390.76 total hours on word and grammar reviews on Anki.

I don’t feel like I’ve hit a wall in my immersion yet, as in not having enough material to immerse with anymore, but I’ve started to understand what I do like in Japanese media and it really is a matter of always having something I like lined up so I don’t “run out”. 

At this stage, I also feel like it’s impossible to hit the intermediate plateau with immersion learning. There’s just so many new words to discover, grammar to learn, and output skills to enhance that the thought of language learning plateauing with a method like this seems silly. I haven’t even grazed the surface especially if going by my standard of learning words alone - learn every Japanese equivalent or similar word I know in my NL and in English - the ceiling is actually quite high. 

That’s why I’d like to finally tap into my output ability. Being able to read and understand conversations in a language is really fun, but the real challenge is to actually use it outside of media consumption, to actually communicate with native speakers through text or speech.

So as a call back to my 1 year update, do I feel fluent after 2,200 hours of immersion learning? No, but it definitely has at least made me proficient in listening and reading faster than if I continued learning with traditional methods, which back then at the 1.5 mark was me still learning the most basic words, grammar, and Kanji.

ANKI STATS, GRAMMAR, OUTPUT, AND OTHER GOALS

ANKI

It has been several months, and I think it's safe to say that switching to vocabulary cards from sentence cards have worked wonders for my retention and my overall time spent on Anki. Still think it could be better, but I'm happy that I'm not gouging my eyes out anymore trying to figure out why my retention was so bad.

Longer learning steps seems to be the key for me for better mature retention (10 480 1440/10). For a while, I stopped adding new cards so I could figure out what was wrong, so I only managed to add a few more words to my deck since my 1 year update. For full disclosure, I also have a bank of 3350 mature 片仮名 in a separate deck. No reason to split them from my deck other that it seemed a bit weird to keep them mixed with my 漢字 deck. It still gets reviewed when it turns up. Still keeping my overall streak going, too!

My Kanji Grid got a lot bluer since my 1 year update. Despite not learning a lot of new words, I somehow managed to add about 30% more new Kanji in the N1 and Non-JLPT tables.

I’ve also learned a total 9768 cards so far, much less than what I was hoping for. If I hadn't reassessed and continued using sentence cards, I would have been at more than 10k words by now, but at the cost of overall retention and longer Anki time. I'd like to think that it doesn't bother me, but it was months of wasted time because of doubt and frustration in myself. It wasn't good mindset to be in and I needed to fix it.

"New cards" here are previously learned cards that were giving me trouble and that I'm now slowly relearning. I find that I know them in immersion, but trip up on them in Anki a lot.

GRAMMAR

I'm still slowly going through my grammar deck of the Dictionary of Japanese Grammar series, and still looking grammar points up while reading. I still don't know if this is the best way to go about learning grammar, I just find studying it as religiously as you would in a classroom setting very boring. I do recognize though that I have to keep at it if I want to pursue output soon.

I still have this ridiculous notion whenever I'm attempting to output to follow grammar rules as if they're formulas, like they haven't quite clicked in my brain as it would with native speakers. Whenever I'm immersing, a lot of the sentences makes sense, and I understand them, but I keep choking when I attempt output. It's probably just me being anxious about making mistakes and maybe feeling like I still haven't covered enough grammar, so I really have to strive to gain the confidence I need to just let my thoughts flow.

OUTPUT

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I have a game plan for this.

When you've been following traditional methods, output is a no brainer - whether you sound stupid or not, you have to try to say something coherent in the language by just using the grammar structures taught to you by your teachers and textbooks. I went through this for about a year as a beginner, failing miserably at every turn and unfortunately embarrasing myself in front of a native Japanese teacher too many times. I also made attempts at online language exchange after this, but because they want to learn English and I want to learn Japanese, we always fall back to using our NLs to communicate. It was interesting, but ultimately unproductive.

With immersion methods, the guides to output are kind of vague - read and listen a lot, and you'll magically be able to output - this was my whole reasoning behind taking a more listening based immersion approach. I wanted to be able to imitate how natives sound and construct their sentences as much as I could.

To be completely honest with you, I don't feel like I have the comfort level, capacity, and capability to output speaking yet. Writing output, however, I could make more attempts of. It's a situation very similar with my NL and English actually. I feel most comfort speaking in my NL, but my English writing ability far exceeds that of my NL. Obviously, I can read, write, speak, and understand well in those two languages, it's more of what I end up defaulting to when put in certain situations. With Japanese, I want to find a nice balance of all these skills, so I'm being particularly hard on myself.

Anyway, for speaking output, people suggest shadowing a parent, and I did this in school for English, but again it was very boring and monotonous so I doubt that I could keep up with it. It also kind of requires you to perfectly hear every word so you can repeat them, and I'm not so sure if that's gonna go down well. Again, need more input.

Instead, I'm planning on continuing watching Dogen's Pitch Accent series, so I can learn about it in a more structured manner, also paying more attention to pitch while reviewing them on Anki. I think I'll also play around with the idea of pitch training with kotu.io, and maybe practice speaking aloud while reading some simple SoL stories.

As for writing, I plan on just writing simple diary or blog entries as practice. Maybe write 感想s in Japanese instead of English for once when I get confident. Other than that there is a 漢字検定 writing deck that I plan on starting, just 5 cards at a time so it doesn't add too much to my reviews. I'm not planning on taking the Kanken anytime soon, geez, I can't even take the JLPT because it keeps getting cancelled, but I'd like to start practicing now. I'm hoping my previous trad RTK studies will make this attempt at writing a smooth experience. These are just a few things I'd like to try out to get the output muscles warmed up and moving.

OTHER GOALS/PLANS

(not time restricted)

15k-20k vocabulary cards on Anki, finish DoJG deck and look into other grammar resources, continue immersion (4000 total hours) preferably with harder material, take some practice tests before the next JLPT is made available

-☆-

I know I kind of babbled a lot, because I'm mostly winging this whole learning process, but hey, it has been somehow working out! (；´∀｀) Thanks for reading and updates in the future as always.

[slashbitch2]

Extra Complications PT3

Previous Chapter

"Don't bother coming back into work tomorrow."

Her words had been replaying in your mind since the final encounter, bouncing round like a taunting echo. It'd only been a week since you'd stopped working at Alchemex, yet had felt like a lifetime of boredom and fatigue. With no job or persistent villain to chase after, if you could even call Liv a villain anymore, there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning, nothing to stop you from moping around your apartment. The days blended into what felt like one long sick day, disregarding the occasional break to rescue a cat stuck in a tree.

Although, your only sickness was of the mind. Whenever you attempted to get some rest, your thoughts would inevitably drift to Liv; the cold, distanced tone to her voice, the look of betrayal in her eyes, how empty the week had felt without her. By the third night plagued with insomnia, you were starting to accept that your feelings towards her may be more than a simple crush. On the eighth night, you decided you ought to do something about it and began to formulate a plan.

Entering the building like you were still an employee would be almost impossible since anyone who left their job was rarely welcomed back with open arms. It'd also be better to avoid the security and CCTV cameras, which you'd learnt used face recognition technology. And finally, locating a security card would pose a potential problem, as walking round the facility until you happened to stumble across a janitor to steal from was unfortunately no longer a possibility. So, what was the solution to all your problems? Vents.

Which is how you found yourself scouring over blueprints like a cliched protagonist from a bygone age movie, but at least the irony hadn't escaped you, and thankfully laboratories generally required a great deal of ventilation, so you had multiple routes memorised by the time the bus had arrived at Alchemex. You'd spent the entire journey on edge, fearful that any fellow passenger might accost you for looking so suspicious. But apparently an agitated figure buried beneath a pile of blueprints wearing a spider-suit underneath a jumper was normal enough to be ignored.

Nonetheless, stepping onto the concrete ground of the car park was a relief which inspired a tad more optimism. Moreover, leaving the burdening stacks of blueprints behind further alleviated some of your anxiety. It felt like a final confirmation that this was your one and only chance, and you weren't about to mess it up. Even as the building loomed over you casting a shadow of uncertainty, nothing could discourage your determination.

There was the remarkable sense that you didn't belong here, though it was a familiar sensation. One that persuaded you to tug the mask over your head before darting toward the edge of the car park. It was your belief that as long as you stuck to the outskirts of the facility, few would pay you any attention while you were out in the open. Therefore allowing you to manoeuvre into position and take the quickest passage straight to Liv's office. Which is exactly what you did.

The first stretch of the vent system was a straight drop, a narrow plunge that went on for longer than anticipated. Like a slide with no angle of inclination and a lot less fun. You hit the metal base with an ungraceful clang, certain that your legs would've buckled upon impact had it not been for the lack of space to do so. Overall an uncomfortable start. The remainder of the journey was a lot of crawling and muscle cramps, your only incentive being the occasional grate to peer down which reassured you that your destination was drawing nearer. Everything was going to plan.

Until you heard her.

Olivia's voice rung clear as if from a dream. It stood out from the general ruckus, initially leading you to believe you were hallucinating, that it was some kind of audible mirage. Yet you refocused your senses and it didn't go away. She was almost directly below you, separated simply by a thin layer of metal. With renewed ambition, you crawled toward the nearest grate as quickly and quietly as possible, frantically lowering your head to find the perfect angle, all just to catch a glimpse of her.

"What do you mean the program hasn't worked?" Liv pinched the bridge of her nose, her words laced with an an uncharacteristic anger. You'd never known her to be an irritable person, she loved her job and every challenge that came with it. Was she uptight? Sure. Passionate? Undeniably. But never angry.

"I've tried rerunning and rewriting parts of the code. And it just doesn't work!" Some poor employee (Mark, if you remembered correctly) was fighting for his dignity below. You could see he was flushing, wildly flailing his hands around as he tried to justify his mistake.

"You've rewritten part of it?!" She repeated, volume rising in frustration.

"I- I thought I knew how to fix it."

"I told you not to mess with my work." She growled, stepping closer.

"With all due respect," He didn't back down, clearly caught off guard and unsure how to deal with an irritated Liv. "it's actually Y/N's work."

Upon hearing your name, you ducked out of view as if you'd been seen. Although, it was evident that this was not the case, so slowly you edged forward to peer down at them once more.

Liv's face had dropped at the mention of your name. But by the time you'd settled back in place, anger was already seeping into her expression, then was suddenly smoothed into disturbingly sweet smile. "Well, Y/N isn't here anymore. So I suggest you keep your incompetent hands off of things you don't understand."

Judging by her vague wording, you guessed she hadn't told anyone the real reason you'd been fired. A fond appreciation flooded your mind. Despite everything that had happened, she still respected your secret enough to keep it. You begun to consider that maybe Liv cared about you as much as you did her. Why else would she lie on your behalf?

Mark muttered an ashamed. "Ok." Then left to try and atone for his mistake.

Liv stayed where she was for another minute before taking a deep breath, shaking off her annoyance, and setting a determined path. You assumed she was heading for her office and were about to follow, but then paused. Was this really the best time for a reunion? She obviously wasn't in the best mood, and if you had to guess, it was likely due to your betrayal. Was it too soon to reappear in her life? You'd arrived here with the intention to apologise and make amends, however, you had no idea how Liv would react or what would happen after. If there would even be an after. She could attack you on first sight for all you knew.

No. You'd come too far to turn around now. You continued along the vent before you could overthink the decision. It would be foolish to turn around now: the end was in sight, and rapidly growing closer.

Reaching the final grate, you were greeted with the familiar yet new aerial view of Liv's office. It'd remained mainly the same since your departure. She hadn't even bothered to remove your lab coat, which was still carelessly thrown over the chair you'd frequented everyday. And Liv herself hadn't changed much either, disregarding the seemingly permanent anger lines upon her face. She was sitting at her desk, head in hand, mindlessly flipping through a folder. It occurred to you at that moment that she didn't look irritated, rather sad. Another unexpected emotion for her to display.

After a minute, she sighed, tossing the papers to one side and bringing her other hand up to crash forward into. She looked defeated, seeing her this way felt wrong. You honestly preferred the anger because it showed she'd maintained at least some of her usual intensity.

You sighed. It was time to fix this. With unsteady hands you delicately unscrewed the bolts holding the grate in place, careful to make as little noise as possible. It was as you were removing the final screw that you realised something: you had no idea what to say to her. No planned speech or prepared apology, you'd resigned to hoping for a spontaneous burst of thoughtfulness in the moment. You sat there for a minute, fidgeting with one of the screws while attempting to come up with what you would say. Should you start by apologising for breaking in, or for lying to her, or for applying to the job in the first place? You had a lot of things to apologise for.

And unfortunately, the chance to think it through any further was taken from you as the screw slipped out of your hand. You gasped watching it fall, hitting the ground with an faint thud. Although quiet enough for most people to ignore, you knew Liv was too thorough to not investigate. And as expected, following your sharp intake of breath was the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, then footsteps gradually approaching.

Liv appeared below you, bending down to inspect the screw before glancing up. Her eyes locked with yours through the mask and widened in shock.

"Hey." The casual tone to your voice sounded forced and you grimaced. But rather than dwelling on it, you dropped from the exposed hiding place and pulled off your mask. You smiled awkwardly, eyes scanning and overanalysing her reaction.

Liv stepped back to lean on the desk for support. Her mouth was agape, but otherwise her face was worryingly blank.

"If this is a bad time I can come back later."

Still no response. The room was drowning in a tense silence.

"Well, actually I probably can't come back." With no social cues to interact with, you began to ramble aimlessly. "I'm guessing you'll find a way to patch that particular security breach." You gestured up to the gap in the ceiling and laughed lightly. "Sorry about that. I didn't know how else to-"

You're cut off as Liv moves impossibly fast, grabbing your shoulders and shoving you backwards against the wall. A thousand different thoughts run through your mind at once, all wondering what she's about to do. The majority are focused on the possibility that she's going to hurt you in some way, although, even if she did have the intention to cause harm, you wouldn't fight back. You were tired of conflict, especially when it involved Liv.

She was standing close, breathing heavily and saying nothing. You couldn't help but let your eyes flicker down to her lips, the temptation to kiss her becoming increasingly vehement. So instead you forced your attention up to her eyes, which held an air of confusion.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was deep, full of unvoiced emotions.

You licked your lips, glancing at her mouth one last time. "I came here to apologise. I didn't mean for any of this to go so far."

"You're lying." She backed away slightly and you immediately missed the proximity.

"I'm not! I just-" You stuttered, then admitted in a quieter voice. "I never meant to hurt you."

She inhaled shakily and swallowed, your eyes tracing the movement of her throat. "And?"

"And because I care about you too much to let you think I did any of this on purpose." You lowered your head, her invasive glare becoming overwhelming.

Soft fingers firmly gripped your chin, compelling you to look up. Her eyes displayed distrust, confusion which you suddenly feel the need to wipe away. You wanted to make your affection for her clear, but found yourself annoyingly speechless. All the recurring thoughts and confined confessions that had been plaguing you for a week suddenly gone from your mind. You were infuriatingly at a loss for words. Although, the warmth of her fingers against your skin reminded you that actions speak louder than words.

You leant in slowly, giving her sufficient time to stop you. She didn't move so you kissed her lightly at first, searingly next. Your arm shifted to wrap around her back tentatively and she moaned faintly in response. Although, it wasn't until you allowed her to take control that any remaining anger dissipated. At that point the kiss became bruising, her hold on you tightening as a wave of shared desperation rolled over the both of you. Before the desperation could reach its peak, however, you separated from her.

Liv was almost panting, her cheeks tinged pink and hair a mess. She promptly attempted to kiss you again, though you dodged the advance and she whined. Her mouth latched onto your neck, sucking at the skin there.

Your head fell back against the wall, dizzy from lust. "Does this mean I can have my job back?" You quipped, running a hand through your hair.

"Depends." She murmured in between kisses. "Do you have anymore secrets?"

"None that I can think of." You smiled, the prospect of returning to what you'd come to consider as normality was an appealing one. Of course there were things you would need to work through with Liv, and many, many extra complications alongside having a relationship with your boss. But nothing easy was ever worthwhile, and Liv was living proof of that.

"Alright. You're hired."

[may-day-voice]

Haunting Sour Notes

Denki Kaminari's Timeline | 172732014

please do not repost, but you have permission to reblog :)

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"Why won't you tell me?" questioned Kaminari, following you around his apartment while you paced with heavy steps. "You've been showing signs lately."

"Signs?" you retorted with a derogatory smirk. "Me being scared of storms is a sign?"

"No, I mean, Mon Ange-"

"Kaminari," you interrupted, your tone stern. "I messed up yesterday. Tell that to the Head Agent."

He watched as you slumped onto one of his armchairs in the large space, looking away from him while you stared out from one of the large windows overlooking part of Endor Docks. The morning was calm while you slept, but as soon as you woke, he found you distant almost immediately. You refused to say a word, not a peep, as if you were still mute.

And then, this argument, empty of reason.

"I'm going to report all that I know from last night," explained Kaminari, soft and calm. "And I know you didn't mess up, but you have to tell me these things about you. Things that I still have no clue about."

"It's better you didn't know," you replied, still with your eyes away from his.

"Why? I can't help you if you keep blocking me out."

"Then take me back to the Commission. Put me under arrest. What good am I if I'm not helping your case?"

"You're a good person, I know you are!" yelled Kaminari in retaliation, his frustration growing.

"How do you know?"

"You took that blow for me back when we first met. Not any villain would do that. You may have your reasons, but that shows me that you are willing to put yourself on the line when it counts. And here I am, trying to understand you outside of the fame and the secrecy, and you-" Kaminari stopped himself, holding his tongue while he stared at your upsetment, seeing the glint of tears that forced their way in the corner of your angry eyes. He could see you holding back before he was about to spill, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves.

"You told me back at that golf range-"

"Putt-putt."

"- that you wanted to make amends. Why won't you let me help you do that?"

You looked into Kaminari's eyes, filled with confusion and anger while the frustration in his voice was evident. Of course, anyone who would be treated this way would have every right to feel these waves of emotions, but this was your life. A life shouldered with the haunting memories of your actions, and of the people you surrounded yourself with. At the time, you thought nothing of it, but now, these memories were not even worthy for someone like Kaminari to hear.

"They're not yours to shoulder," you answered. "And I'm more afraid of you getting involved further in the matter."

"What do you mean? I'm already involved," explained Kaminari. "I know enough to understand that you're trying to stop the Front, and that this General is someone to be feared."

"But you don't know the implications of knowing her. I don't want you to get hurt."

"So, it's a she?" he asked, only earning an exasperated sigh from you.

"I've said too much," you mumbled under your breath, turning your eye away from him once more. You held back the tears that you felt pricked your eyes, spotting the murkiness cloud your vision a little. You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to rid them, but they only continued to spill.

Kaminari hesitated with his next few thoughts, eyeing your expression and the cross look on your face.

"Speaking of which, aside from all of this, there was something else that bothered me," he started, keeping an eye on your reaction. "Last night, you wouldn't say a word. Or, you couldn't. Can you tell me what that was about?"

You bit your lip, hoping the sharp pain would hold off the tears that spilled from your eyes. Every word he spoke felt like a knife in your chest. You recalled last night, almost vividly, innocently writing those words in paper. The fear returned, like it did long ago. You turned your eye away from Kaminari knowing that the overwhelming sadness rippled under your skin.

"Are you sick?" He asked.

"Non" you whispered.

"But last night-"

"Forget last night. I was a kid, I didn't know any better."

"That's not true."

"Will you stop?" You turned to face him, your eyes cross and your anger now swelling inside, replacing the pain and guilt. "Stop the questions."

Kaminari stared into your eyes, fueled by hurt and anger as if he had done an injustice. Confused by your sudden outburst, he slowly approached you, his hand out to reach yours until you violently pulled it away.

"Just go," you ordered. "Leave me under house arrest and go do your job." You turned your back on him, your eyes now staring out towards the docks, watching boats in the distance.

Kaminari said nothing. You heard nothing before the sound of footsteps made their way towards the sliding front door, shutting in the empty apartment. You held onto your arms, trying to comfort yourself before you sank into one of his chairs, head on your lap, silently weeping.

Kaminari made his way to his car, seating himself in the driver's seat before he turned the ignition. He was silent, still processing your reaction and how distressed you were with him. He sighed heavily in exasperation, recalling his treatment of the situation beforehand when he slammed his palms into his driving wheel.

"Dammit," he cursed under his breath.

RING

"Hello?"

"Hey Kaminari, catch you at a bad time?" Asked Sero on the other line.

Kaminari eyed his front door, still his mind on you. "No, was about to head to the Public Hero Commission building."

"I need to talk with you about a few things first. Meet me in the city's park in half an hour?"

Kaminari thought about his request for a moment. He hadn't heard anything from Sero since the mission last night, recalling his sudden leave of absence. Perhaps something had happened during all the mania. Maybe another clue in this mess of a situation.

"I can be there in twenty if you can," advised Kaminari.

"No rush man, but yeah, gotta talk."

Kaminari pulled his car out before taking it off from the docks, heading straight into Musatafu. If he wasn't going to get to the bottom of this one way, he hoped he could find success through other means instead, even if that meant not involving you in the process.

Besides, there was a lot he and Sero needed to talk about, he thought.

——

Hours had passed since the argument and you had filled your time reading books for who knew how many rounds you had given them the light of day. However, none of them took your thoughts away from Kaminari's concern. Yes, you lashed out violently at any mention of your past - a thing you had tried to bury many times before, and thought had succeeded. Yet the events of last night, of your fears, your illness, your childish reactions to everything Kaminari was able, it felt hurtful.

The guilt returned knowing of your spiteful tone. And yet you heard nothing from Kaminari. He only left you alone. The thought of this morning replayed in your mind like a broken record, as cliche as it felt. It only made that knife sink deeper in your chest, one made by your own doing.

You knew Kaminari was right, that you had to tell him one day why you did what you did, with the secrets, the charade, and your insistent need to run away. The pain of knowing how many souls you had harmed along the way seared in your mind, like a branding that had scarred the very nature of your life. You were a thing, a tool to be weaponized, even so that whatever goals and purposes you thought were true, were now a stain.

This bodyguard business wouldn't last forever. The Commission would have their way eventually, leaving you with nothing left. Leaving the warmth and comfort of Kaminari's hospitality, patience, and determination, despite his almost goofy and dorky disposition.

Sunlight had now passed over the docks, casting a small shadow along Kaminari's apartment. The skylight itself created a spotlight of the sun's rays in the centre of his lounge. Everyday you've stayed here, you would often stand in the centre of the skylight, pretending it to be centre stage, twirling in its radiance. However, it burned your eyes today, still sore from the tears that sprung after Kaminari had left.

A moment of clarity cleared your mind, as painful as it felt, before coming to the conclusion you needed for yourself and for the sake of Kaminari; a man who had offered you a home despite it being under the Commission's jurisdiction; a man who had only accepted you for who you were, regardless of the actions you had taken in your dreadful past.

A man who comforted you, who tried every means to understand you.

"Sorry, roi de la fee," you whispered to yourself, swimming in your head from all of the painful thoughts-

SMASH

Glass shattered onto your skin while your arms shielded you from the shards that sprayed from the windows. It happened all so sudden, immediately taking to your feet to flee from the now destroyed windowpane. Outside on the docks, a group of men stomped into the apartment, rushing towards you with open hands.

"Grab them!" Yelled one before you felt their hands clutch onto your clothes and skin, grabbing hold of you while they slowly dragged you outside, fighting against your resistance.

"Let go of me!" You yelled, slapping one in the face, while kicking furiously in the air.

"Quickly before someone spots us!"

Amongst the chaos, you pulled against their strength, your flailing limbs swinging violently in the air hoping they would hit anyone nearby. Mid-swing in your violent resistance, you elbowed your assailant in the gut, enough that winded him to release you from his hold. You didn't think, you just ran, scrambling back into the apartment while being chased by the men behind you. You huffed and panicked, pushing any large object in their way to slow them down, whether it were chairs, lamps, or anything of the sort. You only had eyes for the front sliding doors, crashing into it before you pulled against its weight to slide it open.

The spill of the sunlight caught your eye first, blinding your already sore eyes from your tears until a silhouette painted against it, blocking your exit. The height caught you off guard until you recognized the man's long top hat and soon his mask once your eyes adjusted to the light.

"Long time no see, Sirene," he cooed playfully before a glint of something caught your eye in his fingers. You heard the smirk in his voice, turning around to flee from him. But as if time had slowed, you felt your body pull into a void, sucked into the familiar glass marble before you crashed into its glass surface.

"Let me go!" You yelled, your voice bouncing off from the walls, slamming your fists against the thick panes. "Laisse-moi sortir!"

The large shadows skewed by the glass shifted every so often while you felt the inertia of Compress' movements holding onto the marble you now resided in.

"So Dabi's little pet was right after all," he commented, his voice loud yet muffled by the glass. "I should congratulate them on their deduction skills. It's not often we find defectors."

You still slammed your fist fervently against the glass, hoping that you could break through, though you knew it was futile to try.

"Ne me ramène pas!"

Your cries were ignored when it suddenly went dark. Surrounded by the black, the sound of shifting and crunching glass echoed loudly before the rumble of a car's ignition reverberated through the glass space.

You felt truly lost.

How did they find you? What went wrong? In the dark all of these questions found their way to your head, recalling the few times you had carefully managed to keep yourself under wraps. Hiding in plain sight, behind a moniker and a pre-generated face. Making use of the fame to counter every move the Paranormal Liberation Front would possibly be able to exploit. Yet in turn, you exploited others in order to right your wrongs.

And then, there was Kaminari. The few times he had been warm and welcoming. The times he had shown his vulnerability, and his strength. The times he had trusted in you by sharing a part of his life with his friends, all Pro-Heroes to a degree. Everything about Kaminari was like a home, now only realizing this in the dark.

You felt your tears return, trapped wherever Compress had held you captive. The car ride was a one way trip, back to your past, back to the Front, back to the cold table where the General would examine you again, and again, and again.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Please forgive me, Kaminari."

——

Kaminari stood by his warehouse apartment, staring blankly at the shattered glass and rummaged furniture inside. Police tape surrounded the building while crime scene investigators carefully traversed through the mess, numbering evidence after evidence of the now labeled crime scene.

His meeting with Sero was more a cross-reference of notes on a few topics of discussion - Sero's current predicament with the thief as well as his encounter with Seek, at least before either of them would report it to their agencies and the Commission. However, Kaminari's eyes loosely scanned the floor, eyeing the fallen armchair, the glass and the open front door on the other side across the way, but you were nowhere to be found.

"I'm sorry dude," slowly spoke Sero, eyeing Kaminari sadly and unsure what else to say.

"No, don't say that," he retorted with a shaky voice. "This is my responsibility. I should've put the anklet back on. I didn't think." He stared into the apartment, spotting the device still sitting on the corner of his kitchen counter inside. His body trembled with anger and regret, holding back tears of his own while he recollected the argument this morning.

"Chargebolt, thank you for your cooperation in this matter," spoke a fellow agent, her voice calming. "I'm sorry about-"

"No, what have you found?" Interrupted Kaminari, his eyes straining from spilling tears.

"We've retrieved your surveillance footage for what it was able to capture and came across this during the invasion." The agent held a pad, its screen revealing the front end of Kaminari's apartment while the event played. He watched you run through the floor towards the front door, disappearing out of frame until moments after a familiar silhouette appeared, his top hat clearly recognizable.

"Wait a minute! That's Mr. Compress," he exclaimed, grabbing the pad from the agent, glaring at the screen.

"When did you ever have a surveillance system installed?" Questioned Sero beside him.

"We arranged it when we hired him for his services," answered the agent. "It was... precautionary."

"Right."

"How did the Front find out about this?" Questioned Kaminari, his voice shocked.

"We're trying to determine that now," immediately replied the agent, taking the pad back from Kaminari. "But it would be worth noting that we also spotted this onscreen as well." Taken back by the agent's words, she rewound the digital footage on screen, playing through the end of Kaminari's argument up until the moment the anklet began blinking a light. "Someone switched on the anklet's tracker."

A silence was shared between Kaminari and the agent, however Sero looked between the two, confused on what revelation occurred amidst the conversation. "What's so strange about that?" He asked. "Kaminari would've wanted to know where they were."

"I didn't turn it on," explained Kaminari. "Because that mechanism doesn't work unless the anklet was already attached to the person in question. Why would I turn a tracker on if it wasn't on their ankle?"

A multitude of thoughts ran through his head, his eyes darting while he mulled over possible reasons before-

"Who else knows?" he asked, his eyes stern while he stared at the agent.

"Um... only the three of us," she replied, a little taken back by his forwardness.

"Good, keep it that way. This may be an internal affair. I want you only to report to me about this and no one else, got it?"

"But sir, I can't-"

"Please, just trust me," reasoned Kaminari. "If Red Riot and Persona trust your judgement, then I do too." He held his golden gaze on the agent before she nodded, taking the pad and leaving to continue the investigation. His thoughts mingled about, hoping it wasn't the worst case scenario that he imagined in his head. By instinct, he reached for his phone, searching on speed-dial to immediately bring it to his ear.

"Wait, who're you calling?" Asked Sero, slightly anxious of Kaminari's sudden burst of energy.

"Shinsou, we need to speak with his partner about this. They've been following that guy's trail this whole time, right?" explained Kaminari, still waiting.

"Yeah, but how is that going to help?"

To be frank, Kaminari didn't know how to answer that question, but his anger needed to be redirected somehow. He felt the guilt weigh heavily on his shoulders, imagining all of the scenarios that could have played out if only he had made these seemingly available decisions. But time was now against him.

"What is it, Kaminari?" spoke an exhausted tone on the other line.

"Shinsou, we need to meet up. Sero and I have some information that may be important to your case," explained Kaminari over the phone call, his eyes on Sero only to notice his reaction, slightly fervent to quiet Kaminari's request.

"Really? Which one? I've got my hands full with the Tartarus case, and Kitten..." Shinsou's voice trailed at the thought, leaving the phone silent in Kaminari's ear. "Is it about that guy?"

"Yeah, it's about that guy last night," confirmed Kaminari, his eyes still on Sero who had now resigned to Kaminari's actions. "But something else has come up. I'm sure you're going to have a field day with this."

[izabellq]

DREAMS -> Akaashi Keiji

summary: a soulmate au where you see each other in your dreams.

pairing: akaashi keiji x gn!reader

word count: 3k

contains: angst, fluff, open-ended (also, if you guys spot instances where i specify gender, let me know and i’ll try to fix it asap! i edited this but sometimes, things just slip by)

akaashi keiji thinks the world is cruel.

he swipes the dust off the leather bound book before carefully sliding it back into it’s alphabetized slot. he carefully maneuvers himself around the oak wooden shelves, letting his feet track footprints into the burgundy rug below him. with a sigh, he realizes he is yet again desolated. a library reverie dedicated solely to himself and his predestined soulmate. yet, it seemed the universe had yet chosen one quintessential for him. akaashi didn’t need perfect, but on some days, he just wanted to have someone.

the macrocosm was seemingly convinced he was unfit to wield one. strung on the idea that he was intolerable and unmatchable. akaashi’s pessimistic attitude had betrayed his hopeful one, and soon, he was unable to shield himself from the knowledge that perhaps-- there was no one in the world meant for him.

(he still desires one, because he’d love nothing more than to connect with the person who he was bound to meet. he wants to depict their love in unrealistic fairytales.)

nights go by where he falls asleep and lounges in his fantastical library. he decides he could write a book with all the time he has to himself. but then again, he knows better than anyone that most of his projects remain unfinished. he’s lost inspiration, captured by the nasty talons of writer’s block. he thinks he’s at the end of his rope, and for a second he believes it’s about time he goes down a different career path. but he doesn’t do that. mostly because he’s unsure, and partially because he’s still filled with hope.

(but when his soulmate never shows, he comes to realize that hope is a fickle thing.)

it's one random day of the week where akaashi’s schedule isn’t as rigid as it habitually is. after a long afternoon of practice (which doesn’t stray from the norm) he’s desperate for sleep, and despite knowing that taking a nap would complicate his circadian rhythm, he was rather desperate.

drifting towards the soulmate reality became a feat he was more than used too. the vertigo he commonly experienced was quick to depart as he molded into his surroundings, the familiar scent of paper musk and printed ink leaves much to be desired.

though, if there was one thing that was slightly unsettling— it was the disruption of books laid despotic on the floor. akaashi, though only sometimes forgetful, had never once committed such a polluted act. he was always careful to restore books to their proper position once concluded, so he wondered what possible entity could have disrupted the neat nature of his lonesome library.

(it’s when you round the corner that all his presumptions were answered.)

oh dear, he thinks, you’re a winsome mess. books pulled into your chest, pajama pants folded past your ankle, a tank top only doing so much as to cover your chest and stomach. your mouth is shaped into an ‘o’ as if his presence was the most stupefying thing around— when really, it was you. 

(a book slips from your grasp, a reverberation follows shortly. he tries not to wince as it lands on its pages, folding the corner of the paper.)

the moment of shock is lost and your look of astonishment is replaced with mild skepticism. “who are you?” you ask, almost defiantly. 

“akaashi,” he replies honestly, though the look on your face seems to morph in some sort of revelation that he can’t understand. 

“say it again,” the stern tone of your voice lets him know that it wasn’t a mere request but a demand. he isn’t quite sure why you’re so on edge but because he already seems like the most rational one between the two of you, he doesn’t argue.

“my name is akaashi keiji,” he repeats himself, his concern only multiplied by the sting of comprehension creased into the sight wrinkles of your face. a part of him truly understands the circumstance before him, though a portion of him doesn’t want to give into the naïveté— because for so long, he was cursed with the belief that he didn’t deserve a soulmate. 

“your words keep getting… blurred,” you tried your best to explain, though no matter how detailed your explanation, the experience couldn’t be put into perfect words. “you know what that means… don’t you?”

of course he knows. on days where he thought his life was the one exception— he researched every story about soulmates as he possibly could. some were undoubtedly fake, others were heartwarming, but the one common piece of information he stumbled upon was that soulmates couldn’t hear personal information about the other whilst in their dream world. perhaps to prevent early encounters or just to make the process seemingly endless; either way, akaashi was well aware.

“i didn’t think i had a soulmate,” he lets his guard down decently low, though the flutter in his heart alerts him that it’s all going to come crashing down eventually. 

“neither did i,” you admit, placing down the books wrapped in your arms onto the floor. he wants to question what you could possibly be doing, but there’s more alarming inquiries he needs answers too.

good thing you seem just as eager to figure out why today was any different. “did you do anything today that might’ve been different from your usual routine? i went to bed at eleven… which isn’t any different from any other day.”

that’s when it hit akaashi— the answer was so obvious. “we live in different time zones. that’s the only reason i can think of…”

he trailed off, having been caught in the most frustrating loop of incredulity. all this time… you were right there… so close yet so far. the only thing that had separated his years of getting to know you was a different sleep schedule. in due time, he may look back at this incident and laugh— but right now, he felt cheated out of the most basic human experience ever.

(like a story, this was only the rising action— or perhaps the exposition, because this was truly the start of something new.)

he wants to speak, to reach out and connect with you in all the ways he’s only wished to do, but your harmonious laugh distracts him from his thoughts. “i never understood why my soulmate reality was a library. i guess that’s because of you, right?”

he doesn’t understand your change in personality in the same way he can’t tell when bokuto’s in a bad mood until it’s happening right before his eyes (though others would beg to differ). he’s desperate to learn everything there was to know about you— most importantly, your name. It’s the only thing he wants to know.

instead, he settles on, “what are you doing with those books?” 

it’s obvious you weren’t expecting that question, but then again, how was akaashi supposed to ignore the books you're defiling by simply letting them scatter on the floor? 

with a shy giggle, you respond, “well… since i thought i was alone, i was going to make a huge fort with them… ya know, cause i'm not much of a reader.”

from the red tint of your cheeks to the way your head was slightly tilted to the left was surefire proof of your discombobulation. and to akaashi, it seemed to hold such a power over him that he was unable to keep check his usual deportments. screw etiquette! this wasn’t even reality! 

“i’ll help you build one,” he offers, picking up a book from the ground. he runs his thumb over the edges, smoothly out the wrinkles that had surfaced. 

your head perks up, an opulent grin painting the once grimace. “really?!”

(for a smile like yours, he’d do just about anything to safeguard it’s fluoresce.)

back in the real world, all day his thoughts are occupied with you. you exist, your real, somewhere out in the world, your waiting for him. it’s a condolement he’s not willing to gamble with. he finds himself wanting to take more naps, just for the chance to indulge in another conversation with you. of course, it meant the eye bags under his eyes had sunken into a deeper shade— not noticeable to anyone that wasn’t him, and considering the effect it had on his everyday appearance, he’s come to the conclusion that it’d be nearly impossible to visit you every day of the week. it wouldn’t stop him from trying though.

from the side of the volleyball court, kuroo nudges bokuto skeptically. “what’s with that look on akaashi’s face… it’s starting to freak me out.”

bokuto hums— in approval? in contempt? who knows, but he’s happy. “he told me he finally met his soulmate. he’s just excited!”

“ah,” kuroo clicks his tongue knowingly, “i thought he didn’t have one?”

“turns out, they just go to sleep and wake up at different times. konoha thought it was pretty funny,” bokuto relayed, a chuckle bubbling under his throat. for so long, he had witnessed akaashi’s self-doubt and insecurity, and while parts of them still existed, it seemed to be slowly resolving itself. he couldn’t be more happier for his best friend.

“well, tell him to start focusing, i want to beat you guys when you’re at your best,” kuroo smirked, narrowing his gaze onto bokuto.

“you’re so on!”

(for the rest of practice, they had to endure akaashi’s love-sick gaze. fukurōdani still won.)

a month had passed since your very first interaction together. getting to know each other was more laborious than first intended. some words remained blurred, preventing the other from learning anything that might accelerate the rate of introduction in the real world. akaashi just wanted to know your name. it’s how he came to learn that while the universe was giving, it was also relentless.

“hey! i've been waiting for you, you know! i want to show you something!” you call from under the makeshift book fort. having just arrived, he knows from this point on, he has around thirty minutes before he’s awoken for dinner. 

thirty minutes, four times a week— the only times he’s ever been able to talk to you, due to the tight schedule you both live in. it’s too little, too small, and he feels selfish for wanting more. 

crawling under the fort, he pushed himself up to the side, wanting to give you as much room as possible in the cramped spot. in your hands, you have a book— it’s thin, meant for children, pages that combine to tell a moral. when you hand it over, it takes him less than a second to deduce the story and it’s plot. not because he’s some genius who had read every book on the face of the earth but because this story was rather popular in other parts of the world.

“sleeping beauty,” he reads aloud. his fingers run over the cover, trying to mentally depict what could be so important about this story that had you desperately trying to show him.

“it’s one of my favorite stories,” you sigh, propping your elbow on top of your thigh, leaning the weight of your face on your dominant hand. “my grandma used to read it to me all the time.”

oh. oh. you’re not asking what he thinks you're asking? right?

“can you read it to me, please?”

you are asking. his heart beats against the tightness of his chest, his ribs feel a tad out of place. and he knows— soulmates or not, he was utterly and completely yours. his cheeks flame and he attempts to hide it under his shirt.

“are you blushing?” you ask, and he can practically feel the teasing grin on your lips.

“no,” he mutters. 

you shuffle from your spot and coincidentally; tower over him. your hands and legs trap his body under your presence. you’d practically be touching him if the soulmate reality allowed you too. akaashi finds that to be the greatest travesty of them all. even though it’s practically impossible, he can feel your warmth radiate around him as if you were actually there. 

“does that mean you’ll read to me?” you ask, the battering of your eyelashes ever so visible. he doesn’t understand how you came to that conclusion, but it only tells him you knew exactly how’d he’d answer before he did.

“i’ll read it to you… just don’t laugh, okay?” akaashi opened the book, flipping the white picture-pages until he had reached the first chapter. you giggle, obeying his request with much hypocritism. you moved to sit beside him, leaning just a bit aways over his shoulder to follow along.

(akaashi isn’t a prince, but he’s more than willing to be yours if you asked.)

“i’m moving… so who knows? maybe we might meet in person one of these days,” you declare. It’s been an entire year now since he’s met you and it’s safe to say he’s utterly whipped. now in his second year of high school, he thinks he’s gotten to know you well enough to the point where the only thing left to learn is your name. 

(what’s your name??)

“you’re moving? above or below the equator?” he jokes.

luckily, you laugh-- knowing that there really isn’t much you can say without your words becoming a blurred mess. “i’m still above the equator, loser. actually, if we’re going to get really specific— i’d say the northern hemisphere.”

you guys laugh at your puny attempt of a joke. really, you know it meant no difference, and the fact that you can only rely on fate to carry you through is pitying to say the least.

“i can’t wait to meet you,” akaashi declares honestly, pulling on his fingers in habit. he wants to say more, anything that remotely rhymes with i love you, but he wants to save that special moment for the day he meets you. he knows more than anything that you��re waiting for the same.

“i can’t wait either— honestly, i think my mom might be more excited than i am. i talk about you all the time, you know?” you softly lean against your book fort, your eyes as happy looking as your smile.

(yeah, it’s safe to say he can’t wait.)

akaashi and writer’s block do not coexist peacefully. 

struggling to find words to replace the repetition created on pages, desperately searching for a means of inspiration-- he’s awfully close to giving up.

with a huge essay due tomorrow and a huge game he can’t afford to lose on the same day, he stresses over the fact that he may not be able to put his one-hundred-percent effort into both. even in the middle of a library (he should note: in the real world), a place where solitude was absolute, it provided no peace of mind.

it’s only when a small child, no older than five, wobbles out of the kid’s section with a copy of sleeping beauty, that akaashi’s reminded of you. with a small smile, he calms himself down. after all, you are his greatest muse.

(you’d probably laugh in his face if he told you that.)

after moving away from your hometown, which wasn’t quite as jarring as you expected it to be, you were quick to make friends. you wouldn’t call yourself a social butterfly— but contrary to most teen dramas, new students weren’t ‘fresh meat’ ready for the picking. finding a comfortable group of people you could associate yourself with, you found that most of them were volleyball fanatics (not because they actually played the sport, but because there were a lot of cute boys on the teams around the area, or so they say). either way, going to one of the games was inevitable. like a sort of inauguration you had to go through if you truly wanted to be considered part of the group.

you wouldn’t have it any other way.

after all, akaashi plays volleyball— that much you knew. the team name couldn’t be said, but at least you knew the sport he associated himself with. although he wouldn’t admit it, he was good, his team was good; after all, they made it to nationals and that was more than enough substantial proof. and while you didn’t want to get your hopes up, you were going to watch the national matches. you wondered… could this be the day?

walking up to the main arena, there was a certain ponderosity in the air that you couldn’t describe. it was as if a crushing truth was about to fall on your shoulders, and not knowing where it was about to fall from— you felt a crawling chill.

at the same time, akaashi had just finished the first game of the nationals match, split between wanting to rest or attend to bokuto’s high spirits. he’s attempting to walk into the main arena to watch the karasuno vs inarizaki match, but with his team basically surrounding him in their own attempts to make their way through— he deems the effort fruitless. 

just as he approaches the door, so do you.

but you're too busy keeping up with your friends.

and he’s too busy trying to squeeze past a ranting bokuto.

your hands graze each other’s, and simultaneously, you both receive a shock that runs down the basis of your spines. something prompted him to search for the cause of the odd feeling, and in that moment, he finds you. your back is faced towards him, your hair made no difference in the immediate recognition process-- but he’s sure that he’s met you before. he just knows it. the answer is on the tip of his tongue, a fraction of a second away from being revealed. 

he watches as your friends wait up for you, before your social circle turns around the corner and disappears from his sight (he gets hit with a strong sense of nostalgia from that). his heart stings, for reasons he can’t quite place. he’s never been too good at distinguishing his feelings anyways. bokuto is ushering him towards the stadium seating area, and the answer once on akaashi’s mind had dissipated into the air.

once he turns the corner, the moment is forgotten.

it’s only when he falls asleep later that night, not having dreamed of you, that it dawns on him.

akaashi keiji thinks the world is cruel.

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

[comradegeorgemoved]

george really does have so much potential. i really hope he starts streaming more regularly or starts uploading more than one video every month—not only for more george content, but also because i just really want to see his channels grow. variety and consistency will be key to that, i think. i mean, dream can get away with long periods of not uploading on his main channel. manhunt was so, so successful and gave him a lot of clout. his name is also in the 'dream team' and the 'dream smp', which keeps his name circulating. keeps him relevant. but george doesn't have that luxury, especially since he doesn't involve himself in the lore. i do think he's starting to figure that out, though, because if you compare his content from just a few months ago to today, the change is huge. so george is definitely becoming a better entertainer everyday, he just hasn't hit his stride yet - 🌹 (i've sent you a lot of asks recently so i thought i might as well name myself. only if that's okay with you, of course!)

i completely agree! i miss george and his content when he doesn’t upload or stream, but part of why his inconsistency (personally) frustrates me sometimes is his channels could be growing a lot faster if he were at even a slightly faster, more regular pace. (though i think for january in particular, dteam were all busy with their individual/dteam uploads and/or they’re just gearing up for february—which they’ve said is packed with content + yt has better adsense).

obviously it’s always his choice, and there may be reasons undisclosed for why he doesn’t stream/upload often, buuut it would be cool, you know? :’) because you know that when/if he does, the growth in views, subscribers, followers will be insane.

and yes, another reason why i’m so excited about george branching out is he’s creating opportunities for himself to be more independent with his content! i agree that george doesn’t have the same brand advantage and will have to establish himself further as a separate streamer to try and reach that same level of success, and i do also think that he’s slowly figuring it out, evidenced by his growing variety in both content and affiliation. out of everyone in the dream team, george is the most outgoing with talking to other streamers (as opposed to dream, who will usually only be in a collab with minecraft/among us players or sapnap, who plays with a variety of other people on fps games but doesn’t really... follow up? for more content?). he’s played different games with quackity, and filmed a video with larray that has yet to be posted. people outside of his circle use him for different forms of clickbait (ludwig, weston), and it benefits them and him in terms of clout generation.

plus, you’re right, george is becoming a better entertainer each day. entertainment doesn’t have to be being funny (because honestly, i don’t really find any of them funny when they’re trying to be funny), it’s just knowing your audience and knowing what gets them to keep watching. i’ve been watching his past streams and it’s become very obvious just how much more comfortable he is streaming now, and how much more effort he puts into interacting with his audience and maintaining a high, positive energy throughout the stream. you can tell that it frustrates him when he doesn’t think he’s being entertaining enough, or when something isn’t going according to plan. (also he’s probably realized just how much of an advantage being conventionally attractive is. keep using that, king!)

he has the clout, the average viewer count, the personality, and the face. i really do think he’d be one of the top ten twitch streamers with even just a little more consistency.

(all that said, please for the love of god george get more than two mods. it’s against my principles to hype you up at 100k viewers when your mods drop things to work for you. you know you need more mods, and they’ve explicitly asked. please.)

[resinatingbeauty]

Witchcraft & Expectations

What do you really expect from the Craft?

I had considered writing this for a while before actually doing it just because I didn't want anyone to feel like they were being attacked or singled out. Offending you isn't the purpose of this post, so please do not be discouraged by anything you read here. There is no wrong way of practicing your Craft and to each their own. I was just curious about perspectives when it comes to your expectations regarding Witchcraft, magick, and spirituality as I have dealt with many different people following many different paths since focusing more on my Craft and art through my shop which began on Mercari and grew enough to become more established on Etsy.

I do sell many spiritual / witchy items from personalized spell kits to witchy mystery boxes compiled with Intuitively chosen and my own handmade, one of a kind items. Among the most popular spiritual offerings are my 'buy one get one miniature spell jars,' which allow my customers to select two general purposes or a personalized request from which I assemble and enchant a miniature glass spell jar containing herbs, crystals, essential oils, and other objects based on their needs and requests. I wanted to make these little portable vessel talismans more available to everyone price and purpose wise, compared to others that have been charged with a more specific intent or devoted to a specific deity.

I have a long history of using spell jars myself for various purposes whenever I feel compelled to create one or a special occasion arises. I'm picky about larger jars and bottles, however, so they are usually created in small corked jars or in larger jars that I will sometimes embellish or try new things to integrate that allow the spell jar to also be an appealing or intriguing piece of handmade everyday decor while serving its spiritual purpose, such as the one in the photo above.

For the most part, I have found a surprisingly amount of success with my spell jars. Not just myself, but others as well have reported events that they thought were directly related to their spell jar. I had created one for my neighbor a couple weeks ago who had been searching for a better job than the one she had at a preschool. The day after I gave her the jar, she received a text from an old coworker who notified her that a position at a bank she had applied at months ago that had nothing available at that time had just opened up.

This actually exceeded my expectations. In my experience, magick takes time. Others who have commented on the success of their spell jars or magick in general would contact me a few weeks or so after using their spell kit or receiving their spell jar. I created a spell jar back in January to help jumpstart my small business selling my crafts and Craft and didn't really start to see a huge change until mid-March-April where I was more successful than even I anticipated.

This was about on par with what I expected in terms of time, as most spells I've ever done have taken days, weeks, or even months to start manifesting results that couldn't be passed off or ignored. To be sure, I include a scroll with each of my kits and jars explaining how they are best utilized, to have patience, how to set a purpose and intentions, the power of thinking positively, and that magick rewards those who are willing to work and make sacrifices for what they desire. To me, all of these things are virtues that this path teaches us and are part of what makes the Craft so empowering overall. Whether it was the spell or your hard work, you are the catalyst for change. You made things happen. I mean, what is more empowering than that?

This is part of the reason why I personally chose to over spell kits and magickal tools rather than offering to cast spells or perform rituals on one's behalf. It was my desire to make YOU feel empowered and you are the one ultimately responsible for your own success or failure, whether spiritually or otherwise. I'll gladly steer you down the road of success and provide you with my knowledge, experience, and guidance, but I am always clear about what to expect.

Unfortunately, we live in a time where instant gratification is anticipated and expected, which I never considered in terms of Witchcraft. I knew that no matter how many times I write 'set realistic expectations, focus on your purpose, be patient, and keep doing what your doing' that some people would just blow through all that hoping that they just bought a quick fix for all their problems for $6.99 + a buy one get one deal.

Two weeks or so ago, I had received an order for said jars from a young man who simply said he wanted a personalized spell jar for lucid dreaming and dream work and selected his second 'free' one for self empowerment. I reached out to clarify and answered some of his questions. My immediate impression from him was one of discord. He expressed a lot of turmoil in his life over the past few months and claimed to have taken on a lot of responsibility. He seemed young and eager, with a ton of questions regarding magick in general. I answered his questions the best I could, but reiterated the same values I expressed in the previous paragraph when asked why such and such spell wasn't working, 'should I not have done this,' etc. Magick takes time to manifest, especially when it comes to financial purposes like he explained which are inherently unlikely to resolve themselves overnight.

He seemed happy enough with his purchase and said as much when he received his package. A couple days later, I received a notification about a review he had left which was negative, saying one of his spell jars didn't work with a message delivered in tandem asking what purpose I had set for his spell jar.

Let me say this: I am not upset with him or complaining about his review. He is entitled to his own opinion, although I was annoyed with how quickly he had come to the conclusion when in the instructions I provided him I specifically said that these things take time to work. Anyone who receives results instantly or within the next day or so are exceeding my own expectations. Which is great! Hooray!

But this is definitely not the standard I've come to expect in all the years I've been practicing the Craft.

I continued chatting with and answering this young man's questions and ultimately uncovered that he was upset about a variety of things that had been going on in his life. In his mind, he felt entitled to have these things work for him sooner rather than later and was frustrated and angry that nothing he tried had been working out the way he expected.

In the time that I have opened my little shop, I have (thankfully) only run into one other person like this- where their understanding of Witchcraft seems to have been compiled from television and movies. After the first, I learned to tread lightly around these individuals because, whether it's their fault or not, they have been mislead.

Television shows like old school Charmed and the newer Salem and Witches of East End are really entertaining. I enjoyed watching them, but they are the absolute enemy of those who practice magick / witchcraft as a form of religion or spirituality. Sure, some of these shows actually do their research. Even Buffy the Vampire Slayer was ahead of its time introducing Wiccans, Technopagans, and New Age practices to pop culture and in many ways helped to show people an obscured version of the truth during the 'Satanic Panic' period when even witches hated being called witches and the pentagram / pentacle difference became an actual difference that wasn't just a choice of words.

Newer generations growing up with Harry Potter, which is hardly a great introduction into magickal traditions, were at least more open minded than the previous generation to the actuality of witchcraft and magick as a spiritual practice.

I mean, who doesn't want to snap their fingers and make the house tidy in one fell swoop?

I sure do. But even when I first started practicing at 11 I understood that that just isn't how it is.

This young man who was saying he lead a coven sounded more like he was LARPing than legitimately asking for spiritual guidance. I realized real quick that I couldn't do anything for him. What he wanted and expected, no matter how many times I referenced the instructions I provided (he evidently hadn't acknowledged) and relayed to him my own experience and expectations, he was looking for that 'quick fix' and someone or something to blame for when it didn't work the way he thought it would. The main reason for his complaint? The night after he received his spell jar, he said he just dreamnt about the moon.

My understanding of lucid dreaming was having direct control over ones dreams. The more I talked to this person the more it became clear that this wasn't his understanding of lucid dreaming. I tried to ask what he had tried to gain that control, as many of you know that I suffered from sleep paralysis for years and taught myself how to realize and 'break out' of it over time. He referenced making offerings to a goddess. I had to stop.

I'm sure that another business minded witch would have sold him something else or offered an exchange. I (stupidly) tried to make him understand that he has the power to manifest his desires. All I did was provide him with a tool to help things along.

This was the same for the woman I had dealt with months ago who said that she had been told by this coven owned business that she was a vampire reincarnated to be with her lover. That was the ultimate end of our conversation because she didn't seem very open to anything I suggested. Whether the things she bought were 'effective' for her or not we will never know. When she started messaging me to the point of harassment I deleted her messages and flagged them as spam. All this time and effort spent consoling someone who really isn't in the right frame of mind for magick or witchcraft.

The main point in writing this ranty post is to get the perspective of the community. What are your expectations for your own spells? What do you tell others when they ask? If you are also a 'witch shop' owner or own your own spiritual practice how do you deal with clients that have set unrealistic expectations for you and your Craft?

[blacksunscorpio]

Hi Scorp! I just have to tell you I've been on this site for a while and I'm so glad to come across someone's page that breaks astrology down so succinctly and in a fun and personal way. I wish more people we like you- you're a gem! I'd like to get started too and want to know in your opinion what the signs of a good astrologer are and how one can become one? Your help is as always so appreciated! I really admire you!

Thank you, love- Good Question

Signs of A Good Astrologer

1. They Understand Multiple Systems

Now, not every astrologer will use them. Some are more comfortable with Vedic, others Placidus, some Quadrant or Draconic and a few Horary or Equal House. Regardless, they’ll be able to entertain all kinds even if they subscribe to another/one in particular.

2. They Can Read A Natal Wheel

I know this may sound like a given but some folks who get into astrology just use a calculator or generator to pull up aspects and chart patterns. They won’t actually look at the wheel and see where planets land or how to work their way around the circle. They may not understand the red lines from the green or blue. It’s important to not only rely on a calculator but understand the wheel as a blueprint. You can catch many things and see many aspect patters [T-Squares, Grand Trines Yods, etc] with the naked eye. The natal wheel is the birth chart in its raw form. Anyone studying anything must begin with the basics. The wheel, fresh-faced is the best place to start. From there, the 101′s of Astrology become easier to grasp

3. They Do Not Rely On One  App Alone

The sign of any good astrologer [or anyone studying anything] is citing multiple sources and cross-referencing them. As we all know, technology, though an excellent modern tool is imperfect. It too can have glitches and miscalculations. For that reason, it’s important as an astrologer to at least have 2 to 3 calculators [including their own brain and hands] to break things down. This gives a better-rounded view of how charts work and can even introduce you to aspects you didn’t realize existed [parallels, contraparallels, etc]. Cafe Astrology is good for beginners but does not show you minor aspects [Quincunxes, sesquiquadrates, noviles or bi-quintiles] or chart patters like Astro.com does. Co-Star is good for millennials who are just starting and does a fantastic job of giving you a daily horoscope as well, but can really f-things up house-wise. [They are based out of NY and I rejected a job offer from them because of it.] Alabe.com is Ok but they make you input longitude and latitude which not everyone has access to and sometimes it just won’t take. Still, without cross-referencing you’d never know. Cast your net wide so you can get the best return.

4. They Understand Natal, Synastry, and Composite

While it’s important to understand how someone’s natal chart functions and relates to them as a person, or placements in general, we as Human Beings are social creatures. We operate in tribal, familial and unit systems. As a result, it’s important to know how people operate with each other as well as individually. A good astrologer will understand Synastry [aspects/energy between people] and Composite [midpoint and Davison, which is the Astrology of the relationship itself] in addition to Natal patterns.

5. They Have a Good Grasp of History

Mercury, Mars, Rahu, Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto? All names of Ancient God’s. When we understand the origins of these Planetary names, we can have a good grasp as to why they’re attributed to said planets/points. Modern planets are named after Roman Gods who all have ties to ancient Greece/India as well. When you understand the myths and stories you’ll already have a head start on why Venus is named after Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, since Venus rules love and what we appreciate. Mars [Aries] is the planet of war, sexual drive and action as is the Hellenistic/Roman God. Lilith is Adam’s first wife in Hebrew tradition and her hypothetical point in astrology embodies her traits. Make sense? Even the asteroids are named after minor gods and characters in the classics. Studying up on these can really help with understanding the planets as a whole.

6. They are Patient

Let’s face it, understanding astrology is not something that comes over night. It is also quite difficult to find in-depth classes for the study. Because of this, it is important for you or any astrologer for that matter to take their time. Don’t rush. Some can spend a lifetime studying and never know all there is to know. I myself learn new things everyday that I share with you all on here. Take your time. Be patient. Astrology is deeply metaphorical, philosophical as well as mathematical. Some may have a stronger grasp with one than another [as a former humanities major, I personally detest math but I’ll be damned if that makes me give up- I keep trying]. A good astrologer will give themselves and others grace to really grasp the concepts they are learning and know that it is not a 24 our crash course.

Red Flags 

With the good comes the bad/things many can work on to improve. The sign of an astrologer not living up to their full potential are:

1. Astrologers That Only Say Good Things About Your Sign

Let’s face it, astrology is not a study for those who like to sugar coat. The reality of life is that everything has a dark and light side. Just like every zodiac sign has positive and shadow traits. [Though I am a Scorpio and very loyal to my sign and people, I feel it necessary if I am to help others, to make them understand the under-developed traits of Plutonians/Martians in general.] You gotta keep it real. It is important to be honest. That is the only way to get to your sign’s final form. To understand what traits you/your sister signs/cousins are prone to. 

2. Astrologers That Point Out Troublesome Placements Without Telling You How to Remedy Them

Big No-No. Astrology is about activism and altruism. It, by nature, is a study quite akin to Psychology. One of my heroes, Liz Greene actually based many of her astrological studies off Jungian psychology. And what is astrology if not psychology with a cosmic twist? ;). A good therapist will isolate your issues but the point in hiring them is for them to aid you in fixing the issues you’re struggling with, no? Same with a good astrologer. They’ll tell you when something is an issue, yes, but they will also give tips and pointers on how to handle the energy or steps to reconciling the energy within your self and others. If someone is simply pointing out that you’re a Capricorn with a Taurus moon and therefore, have pessimistic tendencies, but don’t tell you how to balance that, then they are not doing the best job they can for you.

3. Astrologers That Demonize a Single Sign or Placement 

Or astrologers who are inherently judgmental about your tendencies [many Boomers unfortunately I’ve seen have a habit with this *sigh*]. This is also a No-No. Look, we are all entitled to our own opinion and there is dark and light in each astrological placement. But someone who says “all Pisceans are whiny-crybabies”, “all Virgos are obsessive compulsive critics” or “All Leos are egotistical cheaters” is not someone you want to take very seriously, lol. Sounds like these people got hurt by one of the above and as a result, have a war on everyone with these placements. By proxy, they use astrology to let out their frustrations which is a very twisted way to go about things. We all vibe with one sign or placement more than another of course, but even your fav may have a Mars placement in a sign you though you hated. It is best to be impartial and look at ALL aspects and ALL signs with fairness. The point of astrology is to understand. Once you understand someone or something it’s quite hard to be judgmental [if you’re really going about it with an open-mind]. Just like traveling or spending time with others different from you makes it impossible to be a racist or a bigot. Why? Because you took the time to really connect.

Anyone can become an astrologer with the right discipline and a good amount of grit and curiosity. I think you have the right attitude on how to go about it ;). Here are a few helpful resources to get you started:

1. Spark Notes on Astrology 101

2. Natal Chart Simplified.

3. Decans in Astrology

4. Which Decan Do You Belong To?

5. How to Find Your Dominant Planet

6. Difference Between Your Chart Ruler and Dominant Planet

7. How I learned Astrology

8. My Astro Musings