#but I'm very very anxious and shy ugh

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Teenage Dirtbag - Eddie Munson

A/N: well, this keeps on working so far 😂😂😂 here's Eddie's story! and then is full Marauders, James, then Remus, and then Sirius! I hope you guys like it!

Request - lunamadhatter99 asked: I do have a request, my friend! I'm so happy requests are open😍 Anyway: Henderson!Reader x either Steve or Eddie (whoever works better for you), where the reader is very quiet, not necessarily shy, but still. She's targeted by the jocks too because she's the "loser" sister, you know, and maybe one day, one of their pranks went too far and she's very upset about it (maybe is the process a special possession of hers). Every time she gets bullied, Steve/Eddie helps her comfort her, especially because she doesn't want to tell his little brother, who thinks she is friends with them... does it make sense? I don't know, I'm sorry 😂👋

Warnings: mentions of sex; Billy being an asshole (also, this is kinda between s3 and 4 and Billy didn't die so Jason and Andy are his dumb friends I hope this makes sense) reader is kind of mean to Dustin (not really, she's just grumpy and a loner instead of shy, kind of like Kat in 10TIHAY)

Disclaimer: I don’t own Stranger Things :) gif isn’t mine :D  

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teenage Dirtbag

'Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby Listen to Iron Maiden, baby, with me, ooh

“DUSTIN! Hurry up! Steve is gonna be here any second! We’re gonna be late!” you smashed your hand against the bathroom door, yelling for your brother to get ready. You had been feeling anxious all day. Something inside you told you that today might not be a good day and, as much as you tried not to, you took it out on Dustin.

“I’m coming! Geez, calm down!”

You rolled your eyes and walked over to the kitchen to finish your coffee and wash the dishes but you tripped over a bag full of garbage.

“Ugh! Dustin!” you yelled as he walked over to you.

“What? What did I do now?”

“The trash is your chore” you complained, grabbing the bag and handing it to him. “When I say take out the trash, I mean outside of the house. To the trashcan!”

“Maybe you can show me for next time” he laughed.

“Maybe I can give your Nintendo to goodwill” you smirked back, erasing the smirk off his face.

“Fine, sorry” he said, grabbing the bag and going outside.

“Let’s go!” you said as soon as you heard Steve’s car parking on your driveway.

“Wait, where’s lunch?”

“Oh, shit!” you said, grabbing some of the money you left near the door in case Dustin needed to order food. “Here” you said, grabbing $10 for yourself and giving Dustin $5.

“Why do you get $10 and I get $5?” Dustin complained.

“Take out the freaking trash!” you replied, mocking his exact same tone.

“Good morning, Hendersons!” Steve smiled as you got in the front and Dustin got in the back.

“Thanks for the ride, Steve” you said. “Robin still out of town?” you asked, confused to not see her there already.

“Yeah, she’s coming back next week-”

“Why are we even going this early? School doesn’t start for another hour!” Dustin asked on the ride to school. “And why do you always ride shotgun?”

“Because I’m Steve’s favorite Henderson” you smirked. “And Steve has an early shift, so I wasn’t going to make him wait for us” you explained. “Plus, I have to get together with Nancy for something about the school paper” you informed him.

“Well, I could have taken my bike-”

“Just say thank you, Dustin!”

“Thank you” he said, rolling his eyes a little.

“Hey, aren’t those your old friends?” Dustin asked as Steve drove into the parking lot. You looked to where he was pointing to see the basketball players hanging outside the school with some of the cheerleaders.

“No” both you and Steve replied at the same time.

“Are you sure?” Dustin asked, confused. He recognized some of them, although he had noticed you never talked to them anymore.

“I’m sure” you said, rolling your eyes. “Just… stay away from them, okay?”

“Okay” he said, unconvinced. “Um, are we having movie night?” he asked Steve.

“Yeah, my house” he nodded.

“Cool. I think we’re going to Mike’s after school, so I’ll see you there” he told them.

“Okay” you nodded. Dustin started opening his door but you stopped him. “Dusty” you said, making him look confused at you. You rarely called him that anymore. “Nothing… I’ll see you at Steve’s” you told him and he nodded before he got out.

You saw him make his way over to Mike, Will, Lucas, Max, and El and you heard him complain about you and all of them saying how you used to be fun and happy all the time. You let out a sigh of frustration, throwing your head back on the chair.

“You know, you could just… tell him” Steve shrugged.

“I’m good” you told him.

“Dustin’s just worried about you” he insisted. “And to be honest, so am I-”

“Harrington, I know my brother’s your best friend now-”

“That’s not true” he glared at you.

“But you were my friend first and you promised we wouldn’t discuss this with Dustin” you told him.

“I’m just… a little confused, okay? Why did you all of the sudden stop hanging out with them like, what, a year ago?”

“You did too!” you argued.

“Well, yeah, because they’re assholes-”

“Exactly” you told him.

“But, now you’re here alone, because I graduated, I just don’t want you to be alone-”

“I’m fine on my own” you shrugged. “Plus… Eddie’s my friend-”

“Oh, right… Munson. That’s another thing. I know something happened last Halloween, okay? You mysteriously stop hanging out with all of our friends, you started wearing darker clothes, darker makeup and you start hanging around with Eddie, the freak, Munson-”

“I told you to stop calling him that” you glared at him.

“Which you also hide from Dustin-”

“Well, I just don’t want him to think that the only reason he and his friends are in Hellfire is because I asked Eddie to look after them-”

“But you did-”

“Steve, it is too early in the morning to have this discussion” you said, rubbing your temple.

“Fine… I’ll drop it” he said. “For now” he added, making you glare at him a little. “You working today?”

“No, it’s my day off” you informed him.

“Cool, want me to pick you up after work?”

“You sure it’s not too much trouble?”

“Nah, you’re my favorite Henderson after all” he smirked.

“I knew it!” you said, kissing his cheek before you opened the door. “See you later, Stevie” you said.

“Have a good day, kid” he waved at you.

He noticed you walking close to the group of jocks and they yelled something at you but you simply flipped them off and kept walking. Steve felt a bit uneasy about it but decided he would ask you about it when he picked you up. Sooner or later, you had to talk to him.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Hey, princess” you felt a small smile, trying to contain the butterflies you felt in your stomach when you heard that voice. You turned around to see Eddie smiling at you.

“Munson, I thought you were standing me up today” you said as he sat at your usual table in the woods, past the bleachers.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, love” he said, sitting in front of you. “What do you got for me today?”

“I forgot to make lunch, so I had to grab something from the vending machine” you said, putting your cigarette out. “So, pretzels, or Reeses Pieces?”

“You just… happened to pick my two favorite things?” he smirked. “If I didn’t know any better, Henderson, I would think you like me” he mocked you.

“Uh-huh, is that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? And two cokes?” your sked, looking at his bag.

“Grape jelly. Your favorite” he winked at you.

“Huh, if I didn’t know any better, Munson, I would think you like me” you returned the smirk.

“Wanna split it?” he asked and you nodded as you split the three things between the two of you. “So, what are you working on?” he asked, about to grab your sketchbook.

“Nothing!” you quickly said, putting it away before he could get it.

“Oh, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all” he mocked you. “Come on, show me!”

“It’s just… a work in progress” you told him. “It’s not finished yet” you insisted.

“Fine, be all mysterious” he chuckled. “Hey, did you get new colored pencils?” he asked, grabbing one of them.

“Oh, um… y-yeah” you said nervously. “There was a discount at the store where I work and-”

“Really?” he raised his eyebrow at you. “Or were your old ones… broken?”

“Um… there may have been an… incident-”

“Who?” he asked, his tone turning angry.

“It doesn’t matter, Eddie-”

“Yes, it does! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I don’t want you to get into a fight and not graduate with me this year” you told him, making him laugh just barely. “Look, it’s fine. I really did get a discount and…” you said, looking through your bag. “I got markers too” you smiled brightly at him. “Look!”

You stood from your place and sat down on the table with your feet on the bench next to Eddie. You grabbed his hand and placed it on your knee, which was not an uncommon thing for you to do whenever you drew something on him but he felt his cheeks blushing. You quickly drew a small doodle of the Hellfire symbol using different colors and you smiled when you were done, showing it to him. Eddie rarely get to see that smile on you and he loved it when it happened.

“Holy shit!” he smiled, looking down at his hand. It looked cooler than the one in his shirt.

“Do you like it?” you asked, bashfully.

“I love it, princess! This is amazing!” he said, looking back at you. “You’re amazing” he smiled.

“Um, thanks” you said, looking down at his hand and feeling your cheeks burn. You could not ignore the butterflies in your stomach any longer. You grabbed his hand and stroked your thumb against your new drawing. “Uh, a-actually, what I didn’t want to show you is um… kind of… a surprise…” you admitted, not facing him.

You saw Eddie’s hand untangle from yours and make its way up to your chin, lifting your head gently and making you look into his beautiful, chocolate-brown eyes.

“A surprise?” he asked, smiling brightly. You simply nodded, unable to form any words by the way he was looking at you. “What is it?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise!” you chuckled. “I just want to finish it before I show it to you” you told him.

“Okay, fine” he said, as his hand suddenly found its way back to yours and you started playing with his rings. “But… you promise you’ll show it to me when it’s done?”

“I promise. I mean, it’s kind of… for you” you told him.

“Really?” he asked, and you nodded.

“Yeah, it’s kind of… a thank you” you admitted. “For everything” you added. “Even for my brother and his friends. Thanks for letting them in Hellfire” you told him. “I know they're a bit weird but… I love them and I'm happy they found someone like you” you said.

“My pleasure, princess” he told you. “They’re cool kids” he chuckled. “Especially Dustin” he added. “Although he keeps asking me why I always have different doodles all over me” he chuckled.

“Yeah, he’s pretty smart” you laughed too. “I don’t think it’ll be long before he realizes about us” you said, without really thinking. “I m-mean uh-”

“Us?” Eddie smirked. “And exactly what would he realize?” he asked, getting up and towering a little over you, placing his hands on both your sides. “That we’re friends?” he asked, with the same smirk still plastered on his face.

“Y-yeah, I guess” you said innocently.

“Would he mind?”

“Um- I don’t think so, I just… don’t want him to think that you’re only his friend b-because of me” you explained.

“Oh, he wouldn’t think that” he assured you, as he gently brushed your hair away from your face. “And… what if he thinks there’s something else between us?”

“Is there?” you asked, as you felt him getting closer. And then the bell rang. The stupid bell rang. “Fuck!”

“Ignore that” he pleaded.

“No! We have a Math test” you said, pushing him away and gathering all of your things. “I told you, Eddie, you’re graduating this year, with me. Let’s go!” you threatened him.

“You’re killing me, sweetheart” he said, as you pulled him with you but he was stronger and he pulled you back. “To be continued?” he smirked.

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, you smiled. It was a different smile, one that you didn’t think you had in you anymore and you could see Eddie noticed it. You leaned in and kissed his cheek.

“To be continued, Munson” you said, before you started pulling him towards the school despite his protests.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

You were waiting in the parking lot for Steve. As much as you wanted, you were not able to be with Eddie alone the rest of the day. You were hoping to catch him at the end but, as a surprise to no one, he got detention, so here you were.

“Well, if it isn’t my lucky day?”

You cursed under your breath, silently begging for Steve’s car to appear any moment now. But no such luck.

“Hargrove” you sighed. “Oh, if it isn’t Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum” you smirked at Jason and Andy, standing with Billy.

“Fancy meeting you here, babe” Billy smirked at you.

“Can’t say the same” you said, trying to walk away but he stepped in front of you. “What do you want, Hargrove?”

“See, I have a question for you” he said. “Andy here, says he saw you coming out of those woods with Eddie fucking Munson” he said, getting closer to you and making you take a step back. “Is that true?”

“I fail to see how that’s any of your business, really” you glared at him.

“Well, for starters, I think Munson can do better” he said, making Andy and Jason laugh.

“Lovely” you rolled your eyes, trying to walk away again but they blocked your way.

“Aw, did I strike a nerve there? Do you have a crush on Munson?” he mocked you.

“Just, leave me alone, Billy-” you said, trying to leave but, you felt your sketchbook being taken from you.

“Oh, what is this?” Jason asked, opening the sketchbook. “Do you write your love letters to that freak here?” he laughed.

“Give that back!” you said, trying to get it back from him.

“Oh, it’s even better than that!” he said, showing your sketches to Billy and Andy who started laughing.

“Give me that!” you said as he tossed it to Billy.

“Looks like you’re a bit obsessed with him, babe” he said, looking at your drawings. “I’m guessing you wouldn’t want anything to happen to this, would you?” he said, tearing a few pages apart.

“Billy, give it back!” you yelled, but he pushed you back, making you fall to the ground, your hands aching when they hit the pavement.

“Whoops, clumsy me” he said, tossing your sketchbook on a nearby water puddle.

“Stop it!” you said, getting up and trying to get to it but Andy pushed you away.

“HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?”

“You want something, freak?” Jason yelled, smirking.

“Oh, speak of the devil” Billy smirked as Eddie approached all of you.

“Get the fuck away from her” he said, making his way over to Billy.

“Why don’t you keep walking and mind your business, freak?”

“You know, I gotta say, even for you, it’s pretty low, three guys against one girl” he smirked, erasing Billy’s.

“You really think it’s worth it? Standing up for that slut-?”

Before Billy could go on, Eddie quickly punched him in the face.

“Eddie!”

“You’re dead, freak!” Jason said, punching Eddie back while Billy got up, laughing.

“Looks, like you got some fire in you, Munson!” he yelled before he punched him too.

“Eddie!” you yelled, trying to get to him but Andy stopped you. “Stop it!”

“You having fun, Munson?” Billy smirked as he landed punches on Eddie before he grabbed him by his jacket. “No one tells me what to do!” he said before he pushed him to the ground again. He then threw himself at Eddie and started landing punch after punch, like a madman. The last time you had seen Billy like this was when he fought Steve and it shook you to your core.

“STOP IT! BILLY, STOP!”

“You really think you traded up, babe?” he smirked, looking at you. “He’s even worse than Harrington!”

“STOP IT, PLEASE!” you said, as tears started welling up in your eyes.

“Aw, you gonna cry, princess?” he said, mocking Eddie’s voice with the last word.

As if your prayers were finally answered, a car reeled in front of you, almost hitting Jason.

“What the fuck, Harrington?” he asked as Steve got out of the car.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

“Come join the party, Harrington” Billy smirked at him, finally letting go of Eddie. “Ready for round two?”

“Yeah, let me just get my friend here” Steve smirked, grabbing his bat out.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Andy said, letting go of you, and slowly walking away with Jason. You quickly ran over to Eddie, pushing Billy aside.

“Ready to go, Hargrove?” Steve said, walking closer to him as he and the other two stepped away.

“You know what? She’s not even fucking worth it” Billy said, throwing one last glare at you. “Let’s just go” he told Jason and Andy as they walked away.

“Eddie! Oh my God, Eddie! Can you hear me?”

“Do I have a concussion or did King Steve Harrington just save my ass?”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Ouch!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry” you apologized, taking the cotton ball away.

You were now in Steve’s kitchen, cleaning Eddie up. You carefully pulled his hair up in a messy bun with your scrunchie so you could see him better. You placed your hand softly on his cheek and your heart broke seeing a big purple bruise printed on his left eye. He looked at you with his huge, deep brown puppy eyes and you had to take a deep breath to not lose it right there because you knew he needed you.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, worriedly.

“M-me? You’re asking if I’m okay? Eddie, Billy and Jason just beat the shit out of you, and you’re asking if I’m okay?”

“First of all, I’d like to think that I handled that with dignity. Secondly, you fell to the ground and that idiot Andy was hurting you” he said, grabbing your hand and tracing his thumb gently on the bruises forming in your arms where Andy grabbed you.

“I’m really sorry, Eddie” you said, coming out in a whisper and tracing your thumb against the now fading drawing you made earlier on his hand. A small tear fell down your cheek and Eddie quickly wiped it away before he cupped your cheek.

“Princess, you have nothing to be sorry for” he assured you.

“Yes, I do! You wouldn’t have gotten hurt if it wasn’t for me” you insisted.

“Hey” he said, pulling you closer to him. “I would do it all over again, love” he smiled at you.

“Hey, man” Steve said, coming into the kitchen and making you and Eddie jump apart. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I got some clean clothes for you” he said offering Eddie a shirt and some sweatpants.

“Thanks, man” Eddie smiled, grabbing the clothes from him. “I’m uh- gonna go change and I’ll get out of your way-”

“We’re having movie night” Steve blurted out of the sudden. “We’re ordering pizza and Dustin, Mike, and the rest are coming over. If you’d like to stay” he offered.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude, man-”

“You’re not intruding. It’s the least I can do after you got hit for me” you told him.

“You keep bruising my ego, Henderson” he smirked at you. “What are we watching?” Eddie asked, interested.

“Gremlins” you told him.

“Seriously?” he asked, raising his eyebrow at Steve.

“Don’t look at me, man. It was her turn to choose the movie!” he said pointing at you.

“Shut up, you two. Gremlins is an awesome movie!”

“Isn’t that what you call your brother and his friends?” Eddie laughed. “I didn’t know that was your favorite movie, princess” he said. “Well, how can I say no to that masterpiece and pizza, I really can’t” he said, leaving the kitchen.

“So…” Steve started.

“So?”

“Are we going to talk about what happened today or are we just going to pretend nothing happened?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Well, you can choose between telling me why your sketchbook has smudgy drawings of Eddie” he said, opening your wet, torn, destroyed sketchbook. “Or why Hargrove and his friends were beating the shit out of him in the parking lot” he added.

“Steve, I don’t want to talk about it-”

“Well, tough. Look, we’ve been friends for a very long time now. I told you why I stopped talking to Tommy and Carol and all of our friends but you never told me why you did and somehow Munson knows!” he argued. “I get that you don’t tell Dustin everything because you want to protect him but what is so horrible that you couldn’t tell me?”

“You don’t want to know-”

“Yes, I do! You’re my best friend! You can tell me anything!”

“You’re gonna hate me!”

“What? No! I swear, okay? Nothing you say will make me hate you! We’ve been through enough shit that you should know that already-”

“I slept with Billy!” you blurted out.

“W-what?” Steve asked, hoping he hadn’t heard you right.

“What?” another voice asked, from another side of the kitchen. Dustin.

“Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me!” you said, feeling like you were going to throw up. “What are you doing here?”

“We all just got here, I was looking for you” he said, walking closer to you and Steve. “You slept with Billy Hargrove, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Dustin!” Steve warned.

“You know what? I don’t want to deal with this right now” you said, grabbing your damped sketchbook and walking out of the house to Steve’s backyard. Dustin was about to follow you but Steve stopped him.

“Look, I get that you’re upset but you’re not going out there if you’re only going to upset your sister more. She had a hard day-”

“Well, how would I know that, Steve? She doesn’t talk to me!”

“What’s with all the yelling?” Eddie said, coming back into the kitchen.

“Eddie? What are you doing here?” Dustin asked confused. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Uh- I am…” he looked at Steve, unsure as to what to say.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on? And what are you two and my sister hiding from me?”

“We’re not hiding anything from you. You need to calm down and we can go sort this out, okay?”

“Fine” Dustin said, unconvinced.

“You promise you won’t snap at her like you just did” Steve glared at him a little.

“Okay” he sighed, rolling his eyes. The three of them walked outside to find you sitting on one of Steve’s pool chairs. Steve and Eddie sat next to you and Dustin sat on the edge of the one you were sitting in. “Uh, hey” he said, nervously. “Um-” he continued when both Steve and Eddie glared at him. “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier” he muttered.

“It’s fine, Dusty” you said, sitting up and hugging your legs to you.

“Look, Dustin and I are just worried about you” Steve continued. “We don’t want to push you or anything, we just… want to know what’s going on with you” he added. You looked up at Eddie and he softly nodded at you. He really wanted to hold your hand but he figured Dustin might freak out about it too.

“Um…” you took a deep breath. “Look, I know that… I’ve kind of been pulling away” you started. “And I’m sorry, it’s just…” you sighed. “It was a stupid mistake and I didn’t want either one of you to hate me” you admitted.

“What- uh, when?” Dustin stuttered. “Um, no, y-you go” he said.

“It just happened once” you informed them.

“At… last year’s Halloween party?” Steve guessed and you nodded.

“Look, I was… really drunk and, dad had just left and… mom was kind of a mess and… I don’t know, I guess I was too” you said, sadly.

“Wait, I was there that night, why didn’t you tell me anything?” Steve asked, confused.

“You had your own shit going on” you reminded him. “With Nancy” you added. “So, after you left I got drunker and… then I don’t know, Billy was just there and… it happened” you sighed. “And after I felt so awful” you told them. “When I came down I ran into Eddie and he saw I was upset” you explained. “He drove me home and… he stayed with me and he made sure I was okay” you smiled. “That’s how we became friends-”

“You two are friends?” Dustin asked. “I knew I recognized your doodles” he said, looking at the metalhead.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you” you told Dustin. “I just… didn’t want to get into the whole thing and… it’s not really the conversation you have with your little brother” you admitted.

“I get that but… we used to talk about everything” Dustin said, sadly. “We were always kind of a team and for the past year it just felt like… you hated me” he said.

“Dusty” you said, sitting closer to him and hugging him. “I could never hate you” you assured him. “I am so sorry I pushed you away, I was just… so embarrassed about what happened and, I kind of wanted to forget the whole thing and I guess that in the midst of it all I just… ended up pushing everyone away” you explained.

“So, what happened today?” Dustin asked, confused.

“Well, I was waiting for Steve to pick me up and Billy and his friends just started being idiots” you told him. “Eddie saw and tried to help me” you continued. “And then Steve got there with his bat and they went away” you told him.

“So, that’s why you tell me to stay away from them? I mean, I always knew Billy was a dick but… all of your friends?”

“Well, yeah. I told Billy that if he ever said a word about what happened to anyone, I’d tell everyone he cried like a bitch and he had a small dick” you said, making the three of them laugh a little. “And then, either I just stopped talking to them or they would stop talking to me and… it wasn’t just Billy, you know? You were right” you said, looking at Steve. “They were all just… assholes” you admitted.

“I could have told you that a long time ago” Eddie chuckled.

“You okay?” Dustin asked you.

“Yeah” you smiled. “I’m sorry… about… everything” you told him. “Both of you” you said, looking at Steve.

“Don’t worry” Dustin smiled at you. “I love you dumb-dumb” he said, putting his fist so you would bump it.

“Love you too, dumb-dumb” you smiled back and bumped his fist. “No more lies” you promised and he nodded, smiling.

“It’s fine” Steve said, getting up and kissing your head. “C’mon little Henderson, let’s go set everything up” Steve said, patting Dustin on his back.

“Wait, why do I have to go?” he complained, still getting up.

“Just be nice to your sister, man, she’s been through a lot” Steve complained.

“What about me? I have been through a lot too!” he said, dramatically as they went inside, leaving you and Eddie alone.

“Hey” you smiled back at Eddie.

“Hi, princess” he said, moving over to take Dustin’s place in front of you. “How are you feeling?”

“Not so bad” you sighed. “I still would have preferred not to discuss my sex life with my little brother but… it is what it is” you chuckled.

“Sorry about your sketchbook, love” he said, looking at it on the floor.

“It’s okay” you sighed, going through the damped pages. “It just… might take me a little longer to finish your surprise now” you said, sadly.

“Wait, is that… is that me?” he asked, feeling his heart flutter.

“It… was supposed to be” you told him. “I mean, your D&D character” you muttered. “I… wanted to um… I was trying to get it right and I thought you m-might like it-”

“It’s perfect, princess” he smiled at you.

“It’s ruined, Eddie” you chuckled.

“Well, then I guess I need to get you another sketchbook, love” he said, grabbing it from you.

“You don’t have to get me one, Eddie” you smiled as he scootched closer to you.

“Jesus, Henderson would you just let me do something nice for you” he smiled, cupping your cheek with his hand.

“You do nothing but nice things for me, Munson” you smiled.

“What can I say? You bring out the best in me, sweetheart” he smiled back.

“Well, in that case, maybe you can do one more nice thing for me” you said, pulling him by his shirt, well, Steve’s shirt and he pulled you gently, brushing his thumb against your cheek.

“Gladly, princess” he said, smiling before he finally connected his lips with yours. He felt you smiling against his lips as you started deepening the kiss before you were rudely interrupted.

“Hey guys, pizza’s here- what the fuck?” you jumped apart when you heard Dustin’s voice again, with Lucas, Will, and Max standing next to him, trying not to laugh. “You two are together? I thought there were no more lies!”

“Would you believe me that this literally just happened, Henderson?” 

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: hope you loves liked it! :D

[vodika-vibes]

Those inexperienced smut prompts make me feral 👀 How about #18, “I can’t wait to take your innocence," with Jesse and a shy/nervous female reader? Maybe something sweet, but also deliciously feral??? Pleaseeeeeeeeeee

First

Summary: You have a confession to make to Jesse, and it's making you very nervous.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Jesse x F!Reader

Word Count: 1692

Warnings: Uh Spicy almost smut, but no actual smut

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I had an idea, but I couldn't make the smut work, so I might make a sequel to this one with the actual smut. I'm so tired, I can't stop yawning.

For someone so anxious all the time, especially around strangers, Jesse has always been surprisingly easy for you to talk to, and to spend time with.

And sure, there were times when you were sure that he was only spending time with you out of a dare or because he had nothing better to do, or no one else has shown an interest in him, but at the same time, you’ve seen some of the people who flirt with Jesse.

People who are prettier, or smarter, or more confident, and Jesse always, always, firmly turns them down, and then turns his gaze back to you. Often with a kiss, or a tight hug, or some combination of the both.

It’s weird, and flattering, but mostly weird.

You’re not used to being anyone’s first choice. Let alone someone who’s as handsome and amazing as Jesse.

And yet, everytime he returns from a deployment, you’re his first visit.

And so, with time, you’ve relaxed around him. You no longer think that he’s going to ditch you the first time someone more gives him a look. 

Which brings you to today.

Today you and Jesse were supposed to go out for dinner and a movie, but the movie was canceled, and so you canceled your reservations, deciding that you want to spend time with Jesse in private rather than out in public, and he hadn’t minded, when you sent him a message to inform him several hours earlier. 

Of course, then he had to turn his comm off for training, so you haven’t heard anything from him since.

And, honestly, you’re a little nervous. Because you need to tell Jesse something. Something that he’s probably already guessed, since he knows you, but you know you still need to tell him. And you’re worried that telling him will make him treat you differently.

After all, you know that some men can be…funny…about finding out that their girlfriend is still a virgin.

You don’t really expect it to be a problem, but it still might be, and it’s that might that’s making you so nervous right now. Because you honestly don’t know what you’re going to do if Jesse does have a problem with it. 

Anxiously, you gnaw on your lower lip, even as you try and focus on the stew that you’ve been slowly cooking for the majority of the day. Honestly, Jesse just needs to hurry up and get here so you can get out of your own head.

Half an hour later, you hear your front door slide open, “Babe?” Jesse calls from the hallway, once he lets the door slide shut, “I’m home!”

His never fails to settle your nerves, and a small smile crosses your face as you cover the stew, and you poke your head into the hallway to watch him strip his armor off. “How was your day?” You ask as a greeting.

“Ugh. Rex had us running drills all day because of something stupid a shiny did,” Jesse complains, “I thought I was going to have to crawl home. Luckily, Rex showed some mercy.”

“Oh?”

“His lady came for a visit and he was much calmer when she left.” Jesse replies with a grin as he finishes setting his armor on the shelf, “I could have cried.”

“Ooh, dragon whisperer.” You joke with an easy smile, and Jesse laughs, pulling a proper grin to your lips.

He turns to you then and sweeps you into his arms, pulling a startled squeal from you as he lifts you and spins you around, before he sets you back on your feet and bumps his forehead against yours, a wide grin on his handsome face, “Missed you, cyare.”

“You always say that.”

“It’s always true.” Jesse ducks his head to catch your lips in a chaste kiss, which slowly becomes more heated the longer it lasts. And the more heated the kiss becomes the tighter his grip becomes, until he’s all but clutching you to his body.

You’re the one who breaks the kiss, suddenly remembering that you have food on the stove, and Jesse releases a strangled noise as you squirm out of his grip and hurry back into the kitchen.

He follows you into the kitchen, though, and leans against the wall as you check the stew. “It smells amazing, cyare.” He says, his voice a little rougher than usual.

“I know you were really looking forward to the restaurant-”

“I was looking forward to spending time with you,” Jesse corrects, “I don’t really care where we spend it.”

You turn the heat down, so that the food won’t burn, and then you spin to look at him. You nervously play with the hem of your shirt, and your face is slightly pink, “Uhm…I need to tell you something!”

Jesse glances at your nervous hands, and then your pink face, and he smiles slowly. “Come here, babe.” As soon as you’re close enough, he tugs you into his arms, and lightly presses his forehead against yours again, “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“I know. But this is…embarrassing.” You reply sheepishly.

“Hm…well, I promise not to laugh or judge you. No matter how embarrassing it might be.” Jesse says with an easy smile.

“Um…okay.” Your face burns a little hotter and you realize that there’s no way you’re going to be able to say what you need to say with him looking you in the eyes. So you shift and press your face against his neck, pulling an amused chuckle from his lips.

“That embarrassing, huh?”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby. I know you’re shy.” Jesse smooths his hand down your back.

“Um…I want…need…to tell that I’m…I’ve never…” You stumble over your words, and then you heave out a sigh of frustration. It shouldn’t be so hard to say this.

Jesse presses his head against the top of yours, “It’s okay, sweetling. Take your time.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, “I’m still a virgin,” You blurt out, very quickly. And then you press your face firmly against his neck and nervously wait for his response.

Jesse doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then you feel his hand so soft, and so gentle against the back of your head, “Cyare. Sweetling. Will you look at me? Please?”

You really don’t want to, but this is Jesse, so you slowly pull away to look up at him, your face still burning with embarrassment. 

He’s smiling at you,  there’s no judgment in his gaze, “My beautiful, wonderful, amazing girl.” Jesse coos, as he reaches up and caresses your cheek, “I guessed that you were, and it doesn’t bother me, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“...it-it doesn’t?”

“Of course not.” He ducks his head and presses a feather light kiss against your cheek, and then drags his lips to your jaw, “I’m willing to wait until you’re ready for me, sweetheart. No matter how long that might take.”

“Oh.” You blink at him, “Um…so…I was actually…” You hesitate and trail off.

“Go on, baby.”

“I want-”

Jesse’s gaze locks with yours, and something eager slides through his eyes, “You want-?” He prods, gently.

For a moment you avert your gaze, and you take a deep breath to steel yourself, and then you look back at him, “You.” You whisper up to him. 

You’re barely able to get the word out before his lips are against yours, the kiss immediately more heated than any previous kiss. “I can’t wait to take your innocence.” He murmurs against your lips. Your nose scrunches slightly, and he laughs, “Too much?”

“You’re not taking anything,” You mumble as your hands slide just under the hem of his shirt, “I’m giving it to you.”

Jesse grins at you, “Dinner isn’t going to burn, is it?”

“Of course not!”

“Good.” Jesse crashes his lips back against yours as he sweeps you out of the kitchen and through the apartment and into your bedroom, and he kicks the door shut behind him. 

His hands dip under your shirt, and he swiftly peels it off your body and tosses it to the side, and your bra quickly joins your shirt on the floor. 

Jesse pauses then to slide his hands across your breasts. “Kriff, you’re so soft.” He mumbles against your lips. “I knew you would be. I’ve been fantasizing about this for months now.”

“Um…sorry…”

“Nope. No apologies allowed.” Jesse kisses you quickly and then guides you to sit, and then lay on the bed, so he’s able to lavish your torso with adoring kisses and lazy flicks of his tongue. “All my fantasies did was make this actual moment so much sweeter.” He wraps his lips around one of your nipples and lavishes it with attention, and he doesn’t move to the other side until you’re moaning softly.

He trails his lips back up your body, and sucks a mark against your collar bone, and then he moves up to your neck where he lavishes all of the exposed skin with kisses, taking his time to leave marks anywhere he can. 

You squirm under him, gasping moans falling from your lips as he bites and sucks marks against your neck, “Jess-”

He pulls back and grins at you, “You look so pretty covered in my marks, sweetheart,” Jesse breathes out as he drags his hands over your exposed skin, “You’re so soft and warm and so much better than my fantasies.”

“Am I?” You ask.

He groans, “So much so.” He kisses you deeply, “Eventually I’m going to make all of my fantasies come true, but I wanna hear yours, baby. What do you want?”

You shake your head, “I don’t-”

Jesse regards you thoughtfully, and he very gently kisses you, “It’s okay baby, I’ll take care of you. And we can figure out what you like together.”

Your face heats at the way he’s looking at you. 

And he laughs softly, “I have to keep reminding myself to go slow,” He murmurs as he lowers himself to press flush against you again, “You’re making me absolutely insane, gorgeous.”

“I haven’t done anything?” You whisper.

“You’re you. That’s enough.”

[starynightcreator]

It’s Not All Bad

Chapters: 1-8

Characters included: Eddie Munson, Nancy Wheeler, and Steve Harington

Word Count:4,861

No use of Y/N

18+! May be triggering to some!

Contains: Fluff, Angst, Kissing, Shy/Anxious Reader, Sweet/Protective Eddie, Jealousy, Cursing, Alcohol use, Yelling, Heartbreak, Betrayal, & Friends To Lovers.

Summary: After a betrayal from your best friend and boyfriend, you find comfort in the arms of eddie.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. This is my first story and I'm a little nervous.

!Must give credit when re-sharing/sharing. Don’t take credit please and thank you!

This last month has been so strange. Your almost-year-long boyfriend, Steve, and long time best friend, Nancy had been acting so differently towards you. You thought you had done something wrong. It started to get to you, and of course Eddie picked up on your sad attitude today as you barely acknowledged him in any way. That wasn’t like you. You always smiled, laughed, talked, and etc with him even when you looked/felt like death. It was confirmed when you didn’t answer him by his little nickname he gave you and always called you (Star. But he has yet to say why he chose it). “STAR!” You can hear it but it’s almost like it didn’t feel real. You were just too sad to fully process your surroundings or care that you honestly didn’t even know how you got to school or if you’d stay for the full day. “STAR!” You hear it again but this time closer but again you don’t do anything but just sit there and stare at your shoes (black boots with white tie dye laces). Next thing you know you feel hands on your shoulders but they don’t scare you as you know it’s Eddie due to his cold rings. “Star..” You hear more softly now but this time you are actually listening. But instead of speaking you just lean back and look up. It’s very clear you had been crying and that you were sad. Eddie thought "Where the hell was Steve and why were you sad…”"Star, do you wanna talk about what's wrong?” You looked back down. “We don-”“We can but could you sit down you giant. I’ma need a neck brace if I gotta keep looking up.”“You are so dramatic but sure I guess I could sit.”“So what’s going on?”“Steve and Nancy have been acting so differently towards me all month and I guess all my feelings about it just came out today…I mean like what did I do wrong? Do they hate me or something?” Just as Eddie was going to speak they both walked up. *Steve Rudely Addresses Eddie “Eddie I see you didn’t hesitate to sit next to MY Girlfriend while I wasn’t here.”“Babe Eddie and I are friends and he, unlike you, could see I was upset.” “You’re upset?” *Nancy gives Steve a dirty look “I think a toddler could tell she was sad Steve are you that blind?” There was silence for a moment before you threw your hands in the air with anger “Ugh I can’t do this today.”(You then storm out pushing past Steve). As you storm out Eddie just looks at Steve and Nancy with such anger. He may not be the brightest but he sure isn't stupid either. He can see what is going on and nothing angers him more than someone hurting his Star. *Eddie then speaks to them angrily “Some boyfriend you are and you're supposed to be her best friend. You think you two are slick. I know what’s going on and you two are awful!” Eddie wanted to say more, do more. But helping you right now was more important. “ Star, wait up!” As Eddie runs to catch up Steve yells out to Eddie. “STOP CALLING HER THAT!!!” (Steve tried calling you Star once before and you put a stop to that so quickly. Even you were shocked at your defense. But hey he never tried to say it again. But he constantly tries to get Eddie to stop. Basically following the whole if I can’t you can’t crud). “We should say something Steve…” “Yeah Nancy like what? Hey babe me and Nancy have been seeing each other behind your back for the past month.”“Well wouldn’t it be better for us to tell her. Then someone else or her to walk in seeing us kiss.”“ It will be fine Nancy now, let's go.” Eddie couldn't find you anywhere in the school. He even checked all your little secret places you liked to go to get away during free periods or lunch. But nothing, you were…gone. so as a last ditch effort he thought outside of the box and went to his van where he then heard music quietly playing. You didn’t wanna deal with anyone. Eddie though was the only exception. So you remembered he told you the one door on the van was always unlocked, “but only for Star” his words of course. Next thing you knew you heard a knock that scared the daylights out of you and of course you didn’t wanna answer but before you made a full decision you heard. “Star it’s me, may I come in?”

[pathologicalreid]

ok hi margot can i ask for some advice mayhaps ⁉️

i pitched the idea of me being medicated for anxiety to my counselor, and she said that it would be beneficial because when i first started i was at a severe level, and have climbed down to moderate since august

now here’s the hard part of it — she also mentioned that my anxiety presents in a type A/ high functioning way, and with the way she explained it to me, it seems like my anxiety kind of keeps me motivated?

granted i could be (and probably am) taking that the wrong way, but the thing that has me shying away from the idea of being medicated is that if i start taking medication, that i’ll kind of fall off..? and i don’t want to take medication if it’s going to make me feel unmotivated or something along the lines of that

i don’t know! i don’t know! also sorry this is such a long ask but i just wanted to see if maybe you’d think it’s worth it lol. cos im like is it worth not being so tense all the time if i can’t keep up? so many questions Ugh. anyways. have a good rest of your day margot !!!

hi lovely! i'm honored that you chose to come to me i want to first say i'm not in any way qualified to give advice but as a high functioning anxious person i will tell you that motivation should not stem from sheer anxiety.

it sounds like your counselor thinks medication would help you, which makes sense because medication combined with counseling is a common treatment for anxiety. if you're worried about medication affecting your productivity levels, the first thing i would recommend doing is bringing this up with your counselor. it's possible that you could get a medication that would be as needed instead of a daily medication. it could also just be something that you try out for a number of weeks to see how it affects you (if you've just started a new semester of school, maybe now would be a good time). you'll also more than likely start out on a very low dose.

personally, i think it's an avenue worth exploring, but be sure to communicate how you're feeling with your counselor. again, take my advice with a grain of salt, and i hope everything works out well for you <3

[drhaxor]

ENTER THE SCARLET SPIDER #4: RUDE AWAKENING

After coming out hyperspace, Dogday deactivated the hyperengine to bring the ship to normal travel speed and put it on autopilot. Dogady then got up from his seat and told Ben and Catnap "Alright you guys, we should be arriving at HQ in a few hours. In the meantime, we should go to the mess room and have some breakfast." Catnap and Ben got up and followed Dogday to the mess room. Before entering, Dogday stopped Ben and told him to wait while Catnap went ahead & joined the others. "Hey Spider, you doing okay? I noticed you've been really anxious since leaving Borealis." Dogday told Ben.

"I'm just shy of meeting new people." Ben replied. "That's okay. Besides my crew is really amazing and easy to get along with." Dogday said reassuring. "Okay, I guess you're right." Ben said. "That's the spirit!" Dogday said with excitement. Both then entered the mess room where Catnap and 6 other space riders were sitting at a table eating breakfast. Ben saw a green rabbit, a unicorn with light blue curly hair, a pink pig, a blue elephant, a yellow chicken, & a red bear. "Well this is something you'd see out of a kids cartoon." Ben remarked.

"Morning captain, who's that?" the pig said while placing more food onto the table. Dogday then replied "Guys, I'd like you all meet Scarlet Spider. Spider, allow me to introduce my crew. You've already met Catnap. Sorry if he seems sleepy all the time, he's just like that. Next, we have Hoppy Hopscotch, CraftyCorn, Picky Piggy, Bubba Bubbaphant, Kickin Chicken, & Bobby BearHug."

"Hi.." Ben shyly greeted. Hoppy then said "Hey. I like that hoodie." Crafty then greeted Ben with "Hello, it's so wonderful to meet you." "Hi, you've got really nice muscles." Picky said. "Nice to meet you." Bubba said. "Hey man what's up." said Kicken. "Hello. Aww, are you alright sweetie? You seem really anxious." Bobby asked. "Sorry. I'm shy of meeting new people." Ben replied. "That's okay sweetie. Do you want have some breakfast with us? You'll love Picky's cooking." Bobby offered. As Bobby finished, a loud growling sound erupted throughout the room. "Woah, is there a monster in the ship!?" Hoppy shouted in concern.

"No, that's my gut telling me I'm starving. Also, your really loud." Ben explained. "Sorry, she sometimes yells or shouts instead of using her inside voice." Dogday apologized. "Hey! I'm not loud!" Hoppy shouted. "Hoppy please lower your voice." Bubba said annoyed. "Uggggh, fine. I'm gonna go hit the training room." Hoppy said as she got up and left the mess room. "Ugh. Well, since Hoppy left to go training. You can have her seat Spider." Bubba offered. "Thanks big guy." Ben said thanking Bubba. As Ben sat down at the table, Picky handed him a plate and said "Here you go. You can pick out what ever you like. Hope you enjoy." Ben then thanked Picky and started to pick from the array of options that were on the table.

There was scrambled and fried eggs, strips of bacon, sausage patties, hashbrowns, french toast sticks, & freshly made biscuits. Ben took one of everything and made a sausage biscuit with bacon, eggs, & a hashbrown. Now all Ben needed to complete his breakfast masterpiece, was some strawberry jam. However, he didn't see any on the table. "Excuse me Picky, do you have some strawberry jam?" Ben asked politely. "Yes, we do actually." Picky replied. She then went into the kitchen and grabbed a jar and came back out shortly after, handing Ben the jar. "It may not be that much, but it's all we have left. I'll need to get some more when we get back to the station." Picky said.

"This'll do perfectly. Thank you so much Picky." Ben replied. "You're very welcome." Picky replied back. Crafty then added "You have very good manners Spider. I'm very impressed." Hoppy then came back because she was still hungry. "Hoppy, I thought were training?" Dogday asked. "Well I did, but now I'm hungry for more grub." Hoppy replied. Hoppy, noticing the breakfast masterpiece in Ben's hands said "Holy crap! Now that's what I call a breakfast sandwich!" Bubba then told Hoppy "Hoppy could you not yell! You're giving me a migraine!" Both then start to argue while Ben was feeling an incoming panic attack. He quickly got up and said "Sorry, I forgot to wash my hands. I'll be right back."

With that, he ran out of the room in a hurry with Crafty and Bobby both following suite. Meanwhile everybody else was confused why Ben suddenly left the room. "What was that about?" Kickin asked. "I wonder what caused him to suddenly just leave like that?" Bubba pondered. "I don't know Bubba, but he seemed bothered about something." Dogday replied.

Meanwhile, in a corridor of the ship, Crafty and Bobby were still looking for Ben when Bobby heard a sniffling coming from down the corridor. As they reach the end, Both of them could see Ben sitting on the floor with back against the wall. He had his masked half raised and they could see tears streaming down his face. Bobby then approached Ben putting her hand on his shoulder. "Hey there, why are you crying?" Bobby asked gently. "I'm not crying, I just had something in my eyes." Ben reassured. Bobby had look of doubt, but also concern on her face. "I'm sorry, it's just that I recently broke up with someone before I arrived on Borealis." Ben said apologetic. "Could you elaborate more on that please? I'm only asking so Bobby & I can understand what's wrong and help you." Crafty said.

Ben, wiping away tears then told Crafty "You're right Crafty. I need to get this off my chest. It began three nights ago..."

TO BE CONTINUED

Edit Note: I decided to change the part about Hoppy complaining about her favorite chair and Ben snapping back at her. I didn't like were that was going, so I fixed it to where instead, Ben has a panic attack due to Hoppy & Bubba getting into an argument and leaving the room.

AU BELONGS TO @onyxonline

Scarlet Spider belongs to Marvel

[xx-s3lf-ship-xx]

Sorrow Makes New Friends pt 4 (Kai pt1)

Yep!!! This is pt 1 of Kai and sorrow friendship, cuz I did imagine them having a rough start, that kai thinks he's just weak

So angsty incoming bro so...get ready :"3

Btw I don't remember the pilot XP so I might watch later oof!!! But I do remember some parts haha

Enjoyed or grab some tissues

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Sorrow finally feels more comfortable with all 3, they chat, laugh and hang out , everything was fine but until a new ninja has arrived

Sorrow, Cole, Jay and Zane were wearing their black gi and meeting Kai for the first time

They introduced Kai and welcome to the team, after that it was the next morning of training

Kai was practicing his spinjitzu but then he stopped and see sorrow, he tilted his head, he never saw a guy who is smaller compared to the other being his height, but he kept looking at sorrow

Sorrow was practicing his bow aiming then accidentally dropped his bow and his arrow, he scoffed quietly and picked the bow and arrow but keep dropping it which sorrow sense of someone is watching him

Kai: uhh...is he...okay?..

Jay: hm?...oh! You mean he? Yeah! That's sorrow alright! Heheh, don't worry he's just shy that's all

Jay patted Kai on his shoulder then goes back to training, Kai can't help but just glare sorrow even more, he crossed his arms and shook his head slowly, he walks to sorrow

Kai: hey kid, if you wanna hold that thing properly, you gotta man up...

Sorrow looked at Kai, his eyes were small due to his anxiety was rising

Sorrow: I'm..uhm..I'm trying...

He whispered so low that Kai couldn't hear which he made him a bit pissed, he rolls his eyes

Kai: ugh...if you wanna become a ninja or a warrior, you gotta speak up, now stand up and show me your aim!

Kai shouted at shouted and sorrow immediately stood up, holding his bow so tightly, he pulled the bow string, he was shaking so much, mind is racing, everything he sees was angry shouting, he breath so quickly

Kai: SHOOT!!!!

Kai yelled so angrliy Sorrow accidentally aimed at the shield which cost the arrow to bounce, shield to shield, the ninja ducking down from the arrow

Sorrow was frozen, couldn't move, looking at the arrow bouncing, Zane grabbed a wooden board so quickly and blocked sorrow with it, the arrow aimed at the wooden board

Zane: sorrow...hey, it's okay...you didn't mean to, we-

Zane use his calmly voice, Kai scoffed and shook his head

Kai: ugh! No! He almost killed us! Plus! He's weak! He couldn't be a ninja if he keep acting like this!

Sorrow blinked quickly which he begin to cry

Sorrow: I'm..I'm sorry! I just got so anxious and..and...

Kai: no! I think you should just pack up and go! You never be a ninja and you'll never be! I don't want a weak guy to save my sister!

The 3 guys gasped, sorrow feels weak that he couldn't continue practice, he runs to the dojo while crying, 3 of them turned their heads to kai and disappointed

Cole: that's not how you treated a newbie! He's was nervous!

Jay and Zane nodded agreed, Kai looked at them furiously

Kai: ugh! Are you gonna be his side! After that happened!-

Then sensei Wu slide the door and saw the ninjas arguing each other

Sensei Wu: alright! what's the fusses about?

Then the ninja stopped arguing and turned to Sensei Wu

Jay: Kai made sorrow cry! Listen here! Fire boy! If you ever talk to my buddy like that, just you wait that I will get the golden weapons and-

Sensei Wu: silent!...now...Kai, is not the best to make sorrow uncomfortable, you're supposed to make friends with him...he's now your brother now...

Kai look at sensei Wu with rage and annoyance, he rolls his eyes and goes back to training

Jay: I'll cheer up sorrow up...

Cole: same...he also need me as well...

Zane: agreed, let's cheer our little brother...

Sensei Wu: very well...now you 3 go cheer him up while I watch Kai....

The 3 of them inter the dojo then they heard sobbing which is kinda muffled crying which is somewhat loud for a quiet person like sorrow, they followed the sound

Sorrow was crying into a pillow, he was on top of the bunker, jay climbed up and gently tapped sorrow shoulder then sorrow flinched and lifted his head slowly and saw jay

Jay: hey sorrow...don't worry...Kai is outside...we are here to cheer you up, man!

He said with a cheerily voice, trying to lighten the mood, sorrow sniffles and rubs his eyes, he didn't say a word, jay climbed down from the leader to let him climb down

The 3 of them hugged sorrow

Zane: it's okay sorrow, we don't think you're weak, you're just practicing...that's all...no need to be hard on yourself...

Cole: yeah like Zane said...you don't have to worry about being skilled, if you practice enough, you be a pro!

Jay: yeah! Like a boss! Hahah!

Sorrow nodded and chuckles softly, he finally feels so loved and has affection from the 3 of them

Sorrow: hehe...yeah...but...will Kai ever...like me?...as a friend?...

Zane: is best...to be patient....is not like he's gonna hate you forever...

Sorrow nodded and sighed, then 3 of them let go of the hug to let sorrow have space of his own

Sorrow: thanks guys....I...really need that....

Cole: happy to help, bud...

Jay: yea, we be there for you man! And I don't want to let that fire breath hurting you again! Plus! You have shadow power! Can't wait to see that!

Sorrow laughed softly and nodded

Sorrow: hehehehe, yeah!

They all laughed, back to Kai, was punching the bag and feeling a bit guilty for sorrow which he shouldn't have said those words but he thinks that it is best to apologize to him later and keep focusing on the training

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Don't worry there a happy ending but I'm not spoiled it uwu

[xmurder-of-crowsx]

Incoming vent: cuz I'm a ball of stress rn

I'm trying for a job at the movies and the apps so confusing by the time I figure this shit out i do believe they will stop hiring RIP COME ONNN...

I need a job . But also something better than retail fuck retail I been working retail for years it sucksss and also, I been awake cuz idk? Adhd maybe? And just cleaning my room like a crazy person lol maybe I'm a nervous wreck I definitely am. I haven't been replying to stuff as quickly as usual cuz I been so stressed... I haven't had a job in a while cuz I been feeling... idk like I suck at everything so why try? I keep quitting or getting fired when will the cycle end.. ugh.. it's just very discouraging yah.. so I'm nervous I'll screw up this job too like the others..yah. part of the reason I haven't been even looking for a job in a while is that. Im glad my mom is being patient w me. Cuz my anxiety and depression gets the best of me at times. Those close to me know that too well... yahhh.. I get depressed and yah. Anxious too. It's bad sometimes. Real bad. I'm glad you guys are patient w my stupid ass too. Thank you. <3 I'm trying so hard to adult lol and to keep it together for you guys...I don't even drive yet I'm too scared.. im.. yah in trying to push myself more. I used to go to college too. Need to go back and get a REAL career one day. I do hope. That's a whole nother story..college.. I can't go til I get a grant.. cuz I lost my scholarship for quitting too many classes and 1 bitchy professor failing me cuz I'm too shy in class. Fuck them. Yah. Anyway. Yah. That's discouraging too so much to get nervous about. That asshole professor even threw away my paperwork stating I'm autistic and need help and I'm shy esc. All about my autism. I got the paper from my school counselor who told me to give the papers to my professors. But that 1 bitch prof. one threw it away right in front of me. Fuck em. Hate em so much. Theatre class was a waste of my time.yet I passed mythology class the professor for that LOVED me . So yah. Theatre guy was biased af. I also passed art. And that was HARD AF i had to take extra trips to get extra credit but i did it and prof loved me. Theatre guy was the only bitch who hated me. Like i even did extra credit trips for Theatre for them yet. Yah. Im unfavored apparently idk. should have reported them to the dean like everyone told me to. But i didn't like a dumbass lol. Now it's too late so rip. I'm going back eventually for zookeeping or voice acting cuz tbh choosing is hard. But ya I'll get a grant. I'm trying next year. I'm gonna try driving next year too. I'm pushing myself to adult.

-jax

[kart0]

Little update !

Heyyy everyone !!!! Just wanted to write lol

So last update I told you I was going to my psych appt but she fucking cancelled it ? And then I rescheduled and then she just fucking bailed on me and didn't even show up to her own clinic ? Anyways I got very very upset and angry bc apparently she was TRAVELLING TO FUCKIGN NEW YORK ????????????? y'all...istg I must be a fucking saint to tolerate shit like this. Maybe I'm too passive...I didn't even allow myself to get mad and tell her but anyways. I guess I just am too used to sucking things up.

Ok so she told me to lower my dosage, and now I'm like ? Hm, I don't think so. And I might have done something really stupid ?

And I do not recommend anyone to do this PLEASE DON'T, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ! Erhm.... I might have stopped taking my meds ? For like. A month now ?

It kinda just happened honestly... I didn't have money to buy them, and then I started to forget taking them everyday, and then I guess I just. Idk I just stopped taking them ? And I only did that because I felt ok ? Not too bad, not too good, normal actually. And I know this is such a stupid part of me but I don't really think the meds were working anyways ? And since I dont feel bad, I guess I just. Do not care ?

I don't know ? I haven't been very anxious, I haven't been depressed, my mania ended a few days ago, I feel, normal. And ok. Idk ? When I got depressed it felt really debilitating but then I suddenly became maniac and it was over very suddenly and now I feel better. The only thing tho is now my sleep schedule is FUCKED. But idk ? Nothing else tbh ?

And I do not advise anyone to do this, I am making sure to say it as many times as it takes !!!!! Please ! I am saying dumb things I am not a doctor I have not studied medicine I have no idea what's going on !!! But I do know my body, and I can tell how I feel. And for now, I feel ok.

I am currently tabling at this anime convention and it's been taking my time for many weeks now, preparing merch and stuff, and now it's finally happening and ? It's very.... Idk ? Idk ? Idk idk I forgot the word (I'm not a native English speaker btw) it's when something goes below your expectation ? The event pretty much flopped, the tables were expensive, and I didn't sell too much. Idk ? Today's the last day (thank GOD, I forgot how much of a hassle and a pain and how tiring it is) so let's see how this will go.

I am so excited for my winter break tho !!!!! Can't wait to just play games and draw fun stuff and rot. Yay ! Soon.....

Also ! Haikyuu movie is finally here in Brazil !!!!!!! YAS !!! I AM SO SO SO HYPED AND EXCITED ! I haven't gotten tickets yet ofc cuz I'm busy but soon...soon my dear...

And ? It think I might have a little infatuation with this guy on my class. He is very, and I mean, VERY, handsome, and pretty, he's so good looking, I'm embarrassed to interact with him, and I get all awkward and shy. I just forget how to behave normally ? And I try so FUCKING hard to act normal (more than usual since..I act like this all the time. It's the tism) anyways and I found out he's not actually dating anyone ? Last year I knew he had a gf (she's in my class too) and I swore they were still together, but just were very low profile. Turns out no they broke up. Ugh I just. And he makes silly jokes of me and just, acting like an annoying little shit (he's the youngest sibling) and keeps saying I'm bald and stuff like that (just cuz...I dyed my hair blond ? Idk what his thought process is) anyways so like. I can't even tell if he likes me as a person ? He also keeps saying fuck yourself constantly to me . Like. Uhm ? Idk ? I am very intimidated by him but I can't tell if it's because he's the most beautiful person I've ever seen or if it's cuz of these "jokes". At first I thought it was very mean, and I tend to take things vry literally so I tried my best to not interact with him because i didn't want him to keep saying mean things, and didn't want to ruin even more my reputation or what he thought about me, but then I realized he jokes like this with everyone ? Which, honestly, is very very stupid. Hes a little stupid. I think it's because he's a man.

Anyways, I'm just so confused. I'm trying not to think too much about it because I tend to over project and my mind spirals and I start imagining scenarios and I might get confused and convince myself I have feelings that I might not really have ? Idk... I know I'm a romantic for sure so like. I tend to imagine too much idk idk idk so I keep trying to rationalize and think straight. Like, we don't even get along that well ? I think ? I don't even know if we're even friends ? I know he knows prettier people than me. I'm not very good looking. I'm not very nice too. I'm not good at anything really, and I don't have a very good personality. I am just not good. I have a friend and she's so sweet, and her nickname is "jesus". Cuz she's just nice and hardworking, and she always tries her best. And... I won't lie. I really really like her, and I can tell you all these things are true about her. And...it makes a little. Envious. I wish people thought about me that way I wished I was naturally good, and not having to try my best and work to be normal every single day. I wished people would see how much I'm trying. I really really am trying. But it's just not a natural thing to me, I guess. I always, constantly have this feeling, that I'm always performing. Someone is always watching me. And I always have to be my best and try hard and I just. I force myself to be nicer, more considerate, more careful, more thoughtful. Because these things just don't come up to me naturally. I am not good. Sorry for the rant.

Ugh. I think I just am forcing myself to feel something, y'know ? I've always dreamed about falling in love. I don't think I've ever did. Nor will ever do. I am pretty sure I'm aroace anyways.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Why are boys so stupid.

I just hope things don't turn out the way it did before, with my ex best friend. To sum up, he had feelings, I THOUGHT I had feelings too, but I just really really liked him, as a friend. As a best friend, in fact. So I ended up things and we just. Don't talk or hang out anymore. Which made me pretty upset, and made me think I might had actual feelings. Turned out I was just fucking lonely and miserable, and he was my ONE ONLY friend. Now that I've been hanging around with my uni colleagues, I don't feel that alone anymore. I made more friends ! Yay !

Also ! Happy pride month ! Happy to say that it's been some months since I came out as gender fluid, and I am so proud and never been better and as confident ( with my physical appearance) as I was before !

Ugh anyways, thanks for listening to me. As always, I will try to work on myself and become a better person every day. Thank u all !

Oh ! Ps: I've been slowly eating more ! I might fail sometimes but I've been making sure to at least go to bed with a full stomach. So I won't wake up dying and feeling miserable and in pain. So this is an improvement I believe !

[ram-de]

joy

I'm happy.

That's it. That's the post. I wrote it first before I forget and before my mind is overtaken by other thoughts like worries and nervousness. I'm happy.

Met few of my high school friends who attended the same uni as mine. One of them finished defending his thesis, so... He's the first of the four of us! I think he's the coolest tbh. Cool. Very. We used to share a class in middle high. And even back then I thought of him as a very cool person. Smart and all. And now he's about to graduate...

Time is funny. With just how fast it seemed is. Until now, we haven't really talked or stayed in touch. Not me, but the other three probably do. I was a worrywart, an anxiety disaster and I stopped using Instagram since I'm too sad to see everything. I felt like I'm left behind. Coz I am. I felt small, and an afterthought. So I don't bother, though now I am indeed left behind. So, basically it's my fault I shut myself out.

But putting that aside. I'm happy. I was less anxious since I made sure to think of no expectations. I wished I could talk more, and be funny and like be someone who could be present in conversation. And I can spend hours wishing how I wanted not to be so awkward as a person. But at the end of the day, I think I walked a step. And I'm happy about that.

Maybe it's true that I'm so harsh on myself. Coz most of the time, people are kind. If there's one thing, I kind of want to attach a note and maybe just write something. I'm more confident pouring my thoughts and feelings over written text than verbal communication. I stutter and got shy a lot. But alas. Hopefully I could do some bouquets when they graduate? Would they... Would they want that? And am I allowed to do that? Coz I don't talk often through the years and it could be awkward...

That's for me to worry later. For now, I just wish I could. And if by then I grew a tree of courage that bore fruit for me to pick, then... Hopefully I'm brave enough to reach that.

It's just. Damn. What am I saying... I'm just grateful, I don't know what to say but it's warm and tingly and though I'm distant. Meeting them is a reminder that I used to spend some time with them. I look up to them. I adore them, ish, kinda. Maybe in a different timeline I could be more livelier, and maybe I could talk more. But I am what I am, and I'm here, aren't I?

I am getting sentimental. See? I went pass this. And the day isn't that bad with me around people. I missed being able to talk to people. Just about anything.

And now I'm at a park in the city. Hey.

---

Everything written below is all after I attended *The thing*

There's no expectations to be anyone but me. No expectations at all. So, face it, self. It's fine. It's going to be fine. They're good people. There's no expectation, just show up...

Grhhh.... Me and my reading comprehension and my assumption and ALL... Here is me, panicking. Fuck it I'll keysmash my nervousness HDHSBDBXUDBJEJSNSJSJS SJS+ZUEVEHHZJSJSJ VHGVSBSBSHAJKAHSHSHS

*** 10 minutes after ***

Okay. I think time heals all, including nervousness. Except this time, it's not healing but rather postponement! Because the other peeps are late. And here's the anxious me thinking they're probably talking on their own and discussing the new time and all. I don't know. Remember.

No expectations. What I'm doing is nothing, so it's okay. It's just gesture, that's all. Nothing important. Nothing... But what if I'm truly the one being left out from the convo? Or maybe they're already met up somewhere and they... Felt awkward around me so they don't want to spend time waiting with me to talk or stuff. Ugh... I'm reaching.

No expectations. Just breathe.

*** 20 minutes later ***

Fuck it's getting real. Ugh... Just walk... Just walk.... Whatever happens, no expectations. Don't. Don't run away. It's going to be okay.

I don't know that, but I know time passes and although it may seem like forever, it's not.

***

Even so, I felt so nervous and anxious and my heart beats. But it's fine. I promise. It's going to be. Ok.

[justsoohi]

Playing Cards - They Stand Shoulder to Shoulder 5

Hiiro: um....

Mayoi: Uuuuhhhhh....! Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm ssorryyyyy!!!

Of course, you wouldn't understand when someone suddenly says something like that to youuuu. It's creepy and weird!

Ahhhhh, I just want to disappear!.. I want to make a hole to get in even if I have to dig through this floor!

Hiiro: That's difficult, Mayoi-senpai. Digging through the dance room floor will only lead to the floor below.

Mayoi: What a serious response..

Phew, sorry. Thanks to you I've cooled down a bit.

Hiiro: I'm sorry too. I was painfully aware that I wasn't able to fulfill my duties as a leader because of this incident...

I caused trouble for everyone with my mistakes and failed to take action for the "unit" even after receiving the first advice.

That's why... I didn't expect you to say that you were happy to have me as a leader, I was taken aback unexpectedly

Mayoi: I-I knew I said something strange, for me to say something so arrogant......

Hiiro: It's not weird at all. From the bottom of my heart, I'm happy for Mayoi-senpai's feelings. I want you to know that.

Mayoi: thank you very much, I'm glad....

Hiiro: But, why did you say "regret"?

I don't think the word "regret" is related to what you just said.

Mayoi: that is....

(Once you've opened your mouth, you can't turn back. If I'm going to tell him I'm sure... now is the time.)

...in the summer. I received a sparkling message from hiiro-san "hold Hands"

I said it's a feature only available to leaders... Do you remember when hiiro-san was revealed to be the leader of "ALKALOID"?

<Recollection, "ALKALOID" in summer

Mayoi: (At that time, hiiro-san also seemed confused when he realized that he was the leader)

(To hiiro-san, we are—)

-Flashback-

Tatsumi: In my opinion, Hiiro-san, you should be our leader. You don't know much about the industry currently, but that means you can advance further than anyone else. You are the one of action.

Aira: I think it's good for us to have Hiro-kun as our leader because he can decide everything without hesitation. Though it also makes me a little angry because ES seems to consider me less capable than Hiro-kun, who is an amateur?

As long as it isn't physically impossible for you to do so, maybe you should take this role, Hiro-kun?

Mayoi: Yes. To be honest, anyone but me is okay. If I were appointed leader, I would die of a stomachache. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my stomach cramp.

Mayoi: Now that I think about it, I..

Saying that it doesn't matter who you are, or that you'll die if you were appointed leader, that's the worst, isn't it?

Even hiiro-san, you must've been anxious, wondering why you "the most inexperienced person in the group" was chosen!

Hiiro: ..............

Mayoi: This time, watching hiiro-san, who feels responsible as a leader and must work hard as one...

How selfish and self-centered I was at that time. I felt that I had said something irresponsible.

My heart has been aching for a long time.

I am also distressed that only hiiro-san is being blamed for the situation, even though we were in the office together.....

Even while I was helping with the application, I was really ashamed of myself to be around hiiro-san who was working so hard and trying his best

So I don't feel the same way as I did in the summer... I thought that if I didn't tell you here, I would be left with regrets.

Hiiro: .....That's right

At the time I didn't care at all. I don't even know who made the decision, because I'm a leader chosen by chance

Mayoi: Even if the beginning was a chance. Hiiro-san is our leader because he has so many good things to offer.

Hiiro: ....for example?

Mayoi: As Tatsumi-san and Aira-san said, you have the ability to take action and make decisions. And, what I feel in my lessons is that you have the ability to absorb any information I teach

Also, you're honest enough to be too straight forward, and have communication skills that you don't shy away from anyone.

You seem to be a hothead, but you also have the judgment to take a step back and think things through... fufu, It all comes out so easily for you, doesn't it?

Hiiro: Hmm... To be honest, I don't really get it myself.... If Mayoi-senpai says so, then yes?

Mayoi: Yes♪ I know my words are unreliable, but please be confident.

Besides, just as hiiro-san has the role of leader, we also have the role of making hiiro-san a leader.

Hiiro: Everyone is making me a leader....?

Mayoi: If we are among the things that hiiro-san has gained since becoming an idol.

We would like to be a part of your wisdom and knowledge and work together with you on what needs to be done and what needs to be thought about.

...However, even if I say it in a cool way. I'm not confident that I can be of any help...

Hiiro: That's not true! It can't be Mayoi-senpai

I feel reassuring because everyone is here, I am not educated to be a monarch, but I am willing to fulfil my role because of you.

I rely on Mayoi-senpai, Aira, and Tatsumi-senpai, and I always feel happy that we're together as a unit.

I am who I am because of everyone

I also want to become a better idol and leader. It's because I have friends

Tatsumi: ....Is it about time now?

Mayoi: Hiyyy!?

Aira: ..even though the results of the selection process had come out, I hadn't heard anything from Hiro-kun.. And It's time for the lesson, but the dance room is empty..

But then I could hear talking from inside. I've been waiting with Tatsun-senpai for a long time to see when we'll break in!

Hiiro: So you were listening to our conversation?

Tatsumi: No, as far as the content... It's a soundproof room ^^

What kind of fun stories did you two have?^^

Mayoi: T-T-That's..well...

Aira: Ah! rather, could that envelope on the floor be....!?

Hiiro: Umu♪... I'm sorry you had to wait so long. Now that everyone is here, I'll report back

We, "ALKALOID," will appear in Underland

Let's all work together to show the will of "ALKALOID" and make this a great show!

Prev || Next

[dzpenumbra]

4/7/23

Therapy was well overdue today. It was very helpful. I have been seeing therapists for several years, and... I just have to say... having one who actually gets you, where you can talk to them the same way you talk to a friend? It makes such a huge difference.

I brought up the idea of putting my fear/anxiety/panic into art. I don't think he fully got it at first, and like... I get it. The term "art" is incredibly broad for me, so broad that I honestly have no idea what kind of projects these will take the form of. He recommended some grounding and... I guess kinda "detachment" methods? I'm guessing for like acute overwhelming moments. And I expressed how I'm having trouble with avoiding and distracting. Like... it actually feels like it's fueling my depression. He actually connected the dots on it and I just immediately went "yes, yes, that".

Constantly just dropping things that freak me out and saying "it's not important, it's just a passing thought...", it can really fuel that part of me that goes "wow, you can't handle that?" Or feel like I spend my whole life running and hiding. I've been writing it lately, I've been anxious about it too. I say it a lot. "I didn't used to be like this, then my family and 'friends' did really fucked up shit, and now I get freaked out." Like my past self was more resolute than my current self.

There's an odd strength in naiveté. And the juxtaposition makes me feel innately weak. Like I'm failing. Like there's something wrong with me. And, to be honest, there is. There is something not right in my life. But the most important part about it is that... it's not my fault. I don't have anyone in my life that really gives a fuck about literally anything in my life. And that is not my fault. It's not because I'm uninteresting, it's not because I'm stupid or dangerous or scary. It's because everyone close to me flipped out on me at one of my most vulnerable and injured points in life, and I'm really scared to meet new people because of it. And I have been spending years basically begging therapists to help me figure out how to reintegrate into society on very clear parameters - not going to a bar, not starting a new career, not using Facebook or Twitter. And for years, I struggled to just take that first step, because I couldn't get anyone to go with me. I just wanted... someone to hold my hand, to go to the party with me so that if I get overwhelmed with anxiety, at least I have someone to talk to instead of standing awkwardly in the corner, feeding my depression and anxiety. But... I haven't had that since... 2019?

Ugh. So yeah, it was helpful that he confirmed that this is a thing, and I kinda kept going with it... saying I really wanted to turn these intense surreal feelings into something meaningful, something useful. Then he expressed concerns that I was... doing the workaholic thing again. And he definitely had a point with that. It's very hard to discern a line between work and personal when my journal is literally an art project. The line is obviously tricky and I'm always redefining it. But what really got through to him was when I started telling him about my idea to kinda storyboard my anxiety attacks and panic attacks through fictional characters in a graphic novel form. And that... really caught his attention; got him excited, even. And he referenced that the person who wrote "The Crow" did that, and mentioned a few others. And I was like... "yeah, duh..." XD It's a good idea! But... it can open up doors to past traumatic stuff, you know? And not having any friends on deck when doing Shadow Work... let's just say... I've been there before. A few times. And... it's kinda how I ended up as traumatized as I am now. So... I'm a bit gun-shy.

I experimented with trance meditation, kundalini, deep introspective self-work. All while smoking weed, in isolation, for months. And when I went too deep and needed a rope, I called friends (and family) and they literally told me they needed to go, or to go home. "It's so late...", "I have work in the morning...", "you're freaking out, it's not real, just go home <click>". Shit like that. When I needed support, my support network got angry at me. That shit really scarred me. Like I was a dog coming up to them whimpering and scared, and the person kicks me in the ribs for it, and blames me. People that I really thought for years were friends, and family. People who I was there for in that capacity several times, without hesitation. It just... created a difficult new barrier for me.

The intersection where my anxiety/panic work and my art meet? Is one of my bigger triggers. And facing that would be... monumental. Even if that art was not public. To just start freaking out and go "alright, time to start storyboarding". And treat it like dream-journaling.

For God's sake, I've been practicing all the techniques I need, too. Like... if I can get myself to roll over, grab my glasses, a notepad and a pen and handwrite my dreams after 2 hours of sleep... I can start sketching or typing when I'm having an anxiety attack, and just... narrate it.

But... to be honest, it's just a different kind of difficulty, now that I think about it. Being exhausted and just wanting to pass out is like... a biophysical thing. It's a different shade of willpower from... making yourself write down or document something that... you're afraid of other people knowing. Like taking selfies of you shitting your pants or something. Does that make sense? I really struggle to find the word for it, the thoughts and concepts are in my head but like... my brain just has been struggling to even figure out where to start as far as communicating how to get there. Like... it feels kinda like a shame thing.

Like... isn't that the #1 reason why people like... don't post their diaries publicly? Or talk about their embarrassing dreams? Shit like that? Shame?

I remember hitting this barrier consistently when first engaging with soul work back in 2019, I had a notebook that was completely filled with really weird experimental mind-maps and automatic writing experiments, automatic drawing, shit like that. I kept that thing hidden away from everyone, I don't think any other human has seen inside that thing to date. The barrier there was shame, and fear. That same Salem Witch Trail, Satanic Panic fear. That they're going to see my weird experimental spiritual art and go "that dude is fucking crazy" and... as someone poetically and humorously said in my chat a few weeks back, "tie a millstone to (my) neck and toss (me) in the river." The shame I can handle, it's rough but I can do it. That other shit? That's a whole other beast.

So yeah, I might either... keep this work private at first. Or start a new pseudonym for it. And I'm probably going to make the character abstracted and anonymous. Or maybe not, who knows, I don't want to overthink it. But simply to like... facilitate my ability to do it. You know? To remove barriers so I'll at least try.

At the end of the session, I told him about the text from my Mom. He was very supportive and understanding and said something to me that... really made a huge difference. Like... I don't think anyone's ever said it to me before. He said, after making sure to point out that he thinks he has a good idea of what kind of person I am, that... no matter how hard I try, no matter how well I explain it... there are some situations where I can explain for hours and hours and hours and no matter what I do, it won't work. Because my explaining... isn't the problem. Them understanding is the problem. And I can't change that.

Every time I hear that, I remember that I've heard it before, but it's like a distant memory from childhood every time. And it breaks my heart. I feel so powerless. But like... oddly relieved? And it made me tear up. It was really meaningful to me. I haven't really felt... seen like that in a long time, maybe even ever. So yeah, despite how difficult things have been lately, and how I didn't really do shit today... I feel very inspired and validated, and oddly at peace right now. And that's a very welcome feeling.

I missed peace.

Lots of cool, weird art coming down the pipeline before too long, I can feel it. For now, I'm gonna call it an "early" night.

[zepskies]

Aww thank you, my friend!! That warms me so much to hear. 🥰🥰

I love Denise too!! She's got a fun, and sometimes very important role in this story.

Grief counseling--what a brilliant way for her and Beau to meet up again. A vulnerable place that lead to both of them opening up a little to one another over coffee. It just worked so well.

Thank you!! I thought that would be an easy way to put them on level footing with one another. I'm so glad you liked that aspect.

Speaking of coffee--her full-on spitting it out at the meeting was hilarious. xD And her reaction to having to do an icebreaker was super relatable.

Ahahaa considering our convos about coffee, I'm realizing I may have a small coffee obsession. 🤣🤣 Yesss the way she felt in the icebreaker is exactly how I always feel. lol

Beau's anxious energy. Both before the meeting started and in asking her out. Ugh. So endearing. <3

He's just so damn adorable. I can't. 😭

And we got to learn more about her ex! What an absolute jerk. And for her family back home to make the break-up more complicated--that's tough.

Right?? He could rival Nick in SE (but also okay, Michael isn't quite that bad). Yeah, her family didn't help make it the smoothest breakup ever either. 🫤

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you are,” Beau said. “Here, that is.” You couldn’t help but blush; at his words, the deep green of his eyes, and the sincerity of his smile. “Likewise, Sheriff,” you said.

This was kicking-my-feet material. And while I'm on the subject--so was so many of their interactions while he was over at her apartment, helping her move in. I am such a sucker for the whole shy/nervous/unsure/attracted dance.

Ahaha I absolutely love that too!! I live for the dichotomy of shy/gaining confidence to flirt/turn shy again.

Cassie and Jenny sizing up Beau at movie night was perfect. All so believably in-character; I could see it. And the three of them at her apartment was awesome, too. (The couch/pivot reference!!) But I'm also detecting a note of possible jealously coming from Jenny. Interesting...

Ahh yes, I really enjoyed figuring out Cassie and Jenny in this lol. I'm so glad you thought they were in character!! Those were some fun scenes in the show where they were teasing him lol.

And YES! Had to throw in a Friends reference. 🤣 And Jenny being like:

I definitely buckled over the sweaty sheriff, by the way. I'm so screwed for when this turns explicit. x'D

Ugh I live for the "let me stretch so my broad-ass frame is all elongated and sweaty." 🥵🤣 (And believe me, we'll get there.)

And I have to mention this specifically because I loved it. What an ending. <3

Aww thank you so much, my friend. 🥹🥹 Beau's character just lends to the rom-com moments that live rent free in my head. 💕💕

Take Me Home - Part 3

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

AN: I’m being continuously blown away by your lovely responses on this story. Thank you so much! I truly appreciate all the love for our cowboy sheriff and where TMH is going.

Word Count: 6.6K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, a heart-to-heart, flirtations, and invitations taken…

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 3: Welcome Home

In the next twenty-four hours after Mary was found, the police’s investigation led them to a man named Walter. He’d been living in the woods, and was suspected of stalking the camp for days. 

He was arrested as a prime suspect in Mary’s murder at Sunny Day Excursions, along with Paige’s; even though they’d yet to find her body, the police did confirm that she'd never made it home to New York.

They also found Luke later that night. His body was pierced to a tree by an archer’s arrow. 

The campers were sent home shortly after Walter was arrested. 

And three days later, your aunt Denise gingerly took a seat on the edge of the couch you’d been lying in all day (and all week so far). She swept her fingers over your greasy hair in both comfort and affection. 

Denise Brisbane was your mom’s sister. She was a private investigator here in Helena. And as you found out, she actually worked with Cassie Dewell, the woman you’d met at the camp, who was still in search of a missing backpacker.

“You’ve barely moved in days, honey,” Denise said.

Her face was sympathetic and sad, watching you. Though you felt the sting of guilt, feeling like a burden that had just been unloaded on your aunt, you didn’t want to leave your warm blankets. Your body felt heavy and useless.

“Good news though. The rest of your stuff ships in tomorrow,” she said, continuing to pet your hair. “I’ll help you move into your new apartment. How does that sound?”

You gave a weak nod. “Thanks.”

She sighed. “I’m not trying to kick you out, hun. I just think it’ll be good for you to start getting on your feet.”

You agreed, wordlessly. In your head, you knew she was right. You couldn’t sleep on her couch forever, and perhaps more importantly, you couldn’t let this beat you down forever.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Denise asked, squeezing your shoulder. “Your mom wanted to get the first flight out here, but I told her I’d take care of you until you go home for the funeral.”

You were grateful for that. As much as you loved your mother, you didn’t want to be smothered right now. Your mom’s version of comfort could only include a heavy dose of smothering. The one thing you had been able to do was call Mary’s parents.

That had been a long and painful conversation. After which, you slept like the dead for two days straight.

Denise broke you out of your wandering thoughts when she handed you a business card. It had a banyan tree emblazoned on it, along with the name of a grief counseling center.

“Cassie’s actually been going here, and she’s liked it so far,” she said.

At your furrowed look of confusion, she added, “Look, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me, but I think it would be good for you to talk to someone. Maybe someone who understands what you’re going through.”

You sighed and flipped the card through your fingers. You really, really didn’t want to go. You could already what your father would say if he knew you went to a grief counselor. His form of “therapy” was the growing collection of bourbon behind his desk.   

But if it meant you’d stop being a lump in your aunt’s living room, then maybe you could give it a shot.

“Okay,” you nodded. Your voice was a bit coarse with disuse. Denise gave you a smile, and a warm hug that felt like home. She even offered to make your appointment for you.

You were a little annoyed though. Now you’d have to actually get up and put on a bra.

“Maybe shower first, huh?” she advised, while she helped you get up.

“Yeah, yeah,” you replied.

A hot shower, washing and styling your hair, putting real clothes on, and overall making yourself presentable actually made you feel human again. You even surprised yourself by putting on a bit of makeup.

Once you made it to the grief counseling center in your car, however, you sat in the parking lot for a minute. You had to take a moment to breathe. Because you knew you were going to be asked what happened. You were going to have to get into it all over again.

Even after you were able to leave your car and brave through the carpeted halls of the building, your hands were shaking. At the reception desk, an older woman directed you down another long hallway to the group session. It was the only one available on short notice, but she promised that if you found the session helpful, she could help you book another group session, or even a solo session.

You weren’t sure if you were ready for “solo,” but a group appealed to you. Maybe you could just sit in the back and let the others talk.

The counselor, Tom, greeted you when you walked into the right room. It was a small room with a bunch of chairs formed in a circle at the center. No room to hide, you thought with growing unease. You glanced over and saw that there were a few people already milling about, making small talk in a cluster near the circle.

“We’re gonna start here in a few minutes, but until then, you can take a seat,” said Tom. “There’s also coffee and cookies over there, if you like.”

Coffee. Coffee was warm, and it might settle your nerves and help you perk up a bit. You thanked him and went for the carafes on a small table in the back. You poured some coffee into a Styrofoam cup and poured a little sugar and creamer into it, but after you took an experimental sip, you immediately regretted it.

Tastes like damn soil water! You made a grossed out sound and spat it back into your cup.

“Yeah, wouldn’t recommend the joe,” drawled a familiar voice. 

You turned sharply to find Sheriff Beau Arlen. He gave you a sympathetic look as he reached for a cup of water. Seeing him took you by such surprise, you gasped with a slight flinch, accidentally spilling some scalding coffee on yourself in the process. 

You held the cup away from you fast, but a few drops still flecked on your jeans, and even his boots. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” you gasped again. Beau just smiled good-naturedly and grabbed a few napkins off the table.

“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m the one who snuck up on you. Accidentally, I might add.”

He handed you the napkins so you could soak up the coffee from your hand and arm. Meanwhile, he took your half-empty coffee cup and tossed it in the garbage. Your damp wad of napkins joined the cup.

And when you finally looked up at him again, you both found yourselves smiling, despite where you were. It was the first time you’d been able to smile in days.

“Sheriff Arlen,” you greeted. “I did not expect to see you here…”

His smile faltered at that, but his hand reached back to sort through his short hair at the back of his head. 

“Ah, call me Beau,” he said. “I have a feeling we’re about to get to know each other better.”

You agreed to that, just as you agreed to join him for a seat within the circle of chairs. He leaned back in his chair and swept a hand through his hair again, perhaps in a nervous gesture. You glanced over at him, saw the way he smoothed a hand down his jeans when his knee started bouncing…

Could he be as anxious as you? You had to wonder why he was here, for grief counseling of all things. The thought sobered you as more people filtered in and took their seats. Tom eventually got things started from his spot across from you in the circle.

“Okay, we’ve got a couple of first timers to this group session, so tell you what,” he said. “Let’s go around, introduce ourselves, and share something interesting. Whether it’s what you do for a living, a new hobby you picked up, or keeping it even more simple, something fun you did this week.”

You looked down at the folded hands in your lap. If binge watching entire seasons of Succession and sleeping until noon every day counted as something fun, then you were all set.

The introductions started to his left, so it took a while before it got around to you. There was that little flutter of nerves in your stomach, like you were a kid again, and it was the first day of school (but worse).

Luckily, Beau was before you. You were curious about what he would share as he let out a subtle clearing of his throat.

“Hi there, I’m Beau Arlen. Some of you know me as the new sheriff over at Helena PD.” He greeted everyone with a short wave, though he tossed you a smiling glance. “You might also be able to tell that I’m from Texas. Born and bred in Houston. I moved up here to stay close to my daughter, who’s living here with her mother…my ex-wife.”

He tacked on that last bit after a slight pause. But he recovered quicker than you could process and gestured to you next. You forced yourself to perk up, putting your “teacher’s hat” on as you tried to meet everyone’s eyes. First, you gave them your name.

“I’m also from out of town, from Chicago,” you said, glancing at Beau. His expression was encouraging. It gave you the small boost you didn’t know you needed. “I’m a college professor, formerly of the University of Chicago…but I start at Caroll College in the fall.”

Beau’s brows rose as his lips twitched upwards. You tried not to blush as you passed on the introductions to the next person.

The session itself was light overall. Tom talked about the stress that often came with the unknown—with moving past a challenging time, or tackling a new project, or even moving to a new and unfamiliar city. He didn’t force everyone to chime in about themselves, but the ones who were ready to share took the floor one by one. And by the end, you thought that you’d gleaned some useful tidbits just by listening.

Hell, maybe you’d even come back here.

When the session was over though, you were kind of relieved. You grabbed your purse and got up to leave.

“Well, that was relatively painless,” Beau said, also getting up from his seat.

“Yeah, wasn’t so bad,” you replied. Your name fell from his lips in the form of a question, earning your expectant gaze.

“Listen, uh, can I buy you a real cup of coffee?” he offered. “We might not have met under the best of circumstances, but I just heard recently that you’re Denise’s niece. Well, I’m friends with the gals over at Dewell & Hoyt, your aunt included, so I just thought it’d be good to get to know each other, being that we’re both kinda new in town, and—”

You set a light hand on his arm. That one touch was able to stop his rambling, along with the sight of your amused smile up at him.

“Coffee sounds great,” you said.

You decided there was no real harm in meeting him at the nearest coffee shop, just a few minutes away.

It was hard not to associate the sheriff with that terrible night at the camp, but you knew that wasn’t fair to him. He seemed like a nice guy, and by the way he talked about his daughter, maybe even a good man.

In your experience, a good man was hard to find.

“So, what do you teach exactly?” Beau asked. He’d just finished telling you about Emily starting a summer internship with Cassie and Denise at the private investigation agency. Like father like daughter, you’d remarked. Beau’s soft, but proud smile had been telling.

“English literature,” you replied to his question, sipping at your cappuccino. He was drinking a hot French vanilla latte, which kind of amused you. You had expected him to order an Americano or something.   

“Oh, yeah? What sort of classes?” he said.  

“The greatest hits, basically,” you explained. “Composition, English grammar, Shakespeare…Twentieth Century British Literature.”

“Oh, is that all?” he chuckled. It charmed a smile out of you. 

“I don’t know why I asked. I didn’t even go to college,” Beau said. It finally succeeded in making you laugh.

“Straight to the police academy, then?” you asked.

“Like a cannonball, heels a blazin’,” he said, miming a gunshot with his hand. 

“Like a rhinestone cowboy,” you teased. And you felt brave enough to hum the riff of the Glen Campbell song. 

Beau shook his head with a grin. He’d seen you, all tightened up and anxious throughout the group session, even though it had been pretty lightweight. He could relate to your discomfort. He’d made a conscious effort to talk very little about himself and gave the others the room to tell their stories.

Beau liked seeing you more relaxed though. He liked your smile, the glimpses of your sense of humor shining through. He liked that he was somehow able to bring that out of you for a while. 

“I still can’t believe you're Denise’s niece,” he said, once again shaking his head. “What a small world.”

“Yeah. I’ve been crashing on her couch for the past week,” you admitted. “But I have the rest of summer to settle into my new apartment, starting tomorrow. I’ve got my whole life shipping in on a truck.”

Beau nodded at that. He contemplated whether it’d be appropriate for him to offer you some help with that. The question was on the tip of his tongue, until he saw the way your mood saddened. You sat contemplating your coffee mug.

“I asked her to come,” you confessed. When your eyes met his, they shone with the beginning of unshed tears. “The camping trip was Mary’s idea, but I asked her to come with me to Helena for the week. She wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.”

Beau let out a deep breath and met you with a more somber, understanding gaze. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said. He was reminded that they had Walter in custody. He wasn’t yet willing to break and confess to the murders at Sunny Day Excursions, but they had him.

“I promise, we’ll get justice for Mary,” Beau added. You sighed and wiped a tear from your cheek.

“Do you think you have the right man?” you asked, speaking of Walter.

“I do,” Beau replied. “He’s being stubborn, but all the evidence points to him.”

You nodded gratefully, but you had to try and breathe through your tumultuous emotions, the way your heart was cracking with pain. You didn’t want to break down in the middle of a damn coffee shop.

Again, Beau wrestled with the inclination to cover his hand over yours. He felt like he was toeing the line between his professional capacity as a sheriff, and the fact that you were his friend’s niece. He wanted to comfort you the best he could. But sometimes, words just weren’t enough.

You took a half-hearted sip of your coffee. By now, it was lukewarm, if still tasty and sweet. It was healthier than whiskey, you supposed.

“She was like…like my sister, you know?” you said. “I feel like I failed her.”

Beau shook his head, his dark brows furrowing. He didn’t know how many times he could say it wasn’t your fault, knowing you probably wouldn’t ever believe it.

That struck a familiar bell.

“Look, I uh…I understand what you’re going through,” he admitted. Your watery gaze found his again. Your head tilted in interest.

He sighed before answering your unspoken question. “I lost my partner on the job, now a couple years back.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied, and your sympathy was as genuine as his had been for you. “I’m guessing you two were close.”

Beau’s lips quirked at one corner. “He was like my brother. Matter of fact, I think it used to make my own brother jealous.”

You processed that with a sad frown, though your brows soon rose in curiosity.

“You have a brother?”

“Yep,” Beau nodded. The brief shadows in his eyes lifted at the merciful change of topic. “Good ole’ David. I still call him Davey, even though he hates it.”

A smile played on your lips. “Older or younger?”

“Younger, by a few years,” he replied. There was a more natural gleam to his smile then. “He’s a hotshot doctor back in Houston.”

He teased, but you could see there was pride behind his eyes. It reminded you of the way he got whenever he talked about Emily.

“So you know my story. What brought you to Montana?” he asked. He wanted to see if he could help you get your mind off Mary. He didn’t know that he’d just pulled the pin on a whole other grenade. 

You let out a wry chuckle. 

“Uh, oh,” Beau said warily. 

You nodded. He did tell you his story—ex-wife with a new husband, daughter, a new job in Montana—though you still didn’t know why he was going to grief counseling. If it was because of his partner, you could understand that…but you also didn’t want to pry.

You also knew it was only fair to answer his question.

“It’s not exactly like your situation but…I was engaged,” you said at last. 

Past tense, he noted. 

“Good guy?” he asked. 

“A firefighter,” you replied. Though you knew well the rivalry that sometimes existed between cops and firefighters. Beau’s growing bemusement told you he was thinking along the same lines. 

“Ah, a smoke eater, huh?” But his smile faded. “Did something happen to him on the job?”

“No,” you said, again with that weary chuckle. It was hard for you to get this out, but you’d been wrestling with it for over six months, damn near a year. It was enough. 

“Just a couple months before the wedding, I found out he’d been cheating on me with his college girlfriend…pretty much throughout our whole relationship,” you said. 

Though you promised yourself that you’d never cry over this again, today had already been incredibly difficult. The tears came, and you couldn’t stop them. 

Beau's brows had risen high in surprise. Then, a deeper sympathy settled in his eyes.

“Jesus. How long?” he asked.

“We were together three years, engaged for about another one,” you said. “Almost four years of my life, just…”

You mimed a puff of smoke blowing out of your hand. 

“Yeah. I know the feeling,” Beau said. His tone was wry as he dragged a hand over his beard. You gave him an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry. I know my story doesn’t compare with a marriage,” you said.

“That’s not what I was gettin’ at,” he replied. “But I get it. You start to think, what the hell was it all for? …Except for my daughter.”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, I don’t have an Emily,” you said. At the same time though, you were very glad you never had kids with that man.

Beau frowned when he saw the way your face fell further, becoming distant, and lost in old memories. 

“Afterwards, I…I checked out, you know? I could barely focus on my students, my family, my friends.” Your nails drummed on the countertop. You shook your head as it all filtered through your mind again. “But the last straw was that my dad tried to get me to work things out with him, and I just…I lost it. Beau, I absolutely lost my shit.”

Beau grimaced. “What made your dad think that would work?”

“He’s a retired firehouse chief,” you said, with a purse of your lips. “He’s always had a soft spot for Michael.”

“Michael, huh?” Beau quirked a brow. “That come with a last name?”

You shot him a look of amusement. 

“What, are you going to run his LUDS?” you joked, but you couldn’t prevent a sniffle as a new wave of emotion threatened an upswell.

You felt pathetic. This man was the whole-ass sheriff of this town. He probably had more important things to do than listen to you complain about your imploded relationship. But you were also Denise’s niece. Maybe he just felt sorry for you.

He offered you a napkin. “Sorry it’s not a tissue.”

In his eyes though, you didn’t see pity. Just kindness.

“It’s okay. I can brave a scratchy napkin,” you said, laughing a little. “But after that, I knew one of two things was going to happen. Either I was going to break open my dad’s gun safe and shoot the bastard in the ass, or I had to get the hell out of Chicago. My mom and Aunt Denise suggested I come here for a visit, just to clear my head. That turned into scoping out jobs, and then apartments… Now I’m here.”

That fell between you for a moment as your companion processed it all. In hindsight, you probably shouldn’t have mentioned that whole bit about possibly shooting your ex, but he took it in stride. 

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you are,” Beau said. “Here, that is.”

You couldn’t help but blush; at his words, the deep green of his eyes, and the sincerity of his smile.

“Likewise, Sheriff,” you said.

He smirked. “Also glad you didn’t go shootin’ people in the ass.” 

You covered your face and laughed. 

Beau walked you to your car like the gentleman he was, even though it was only late afternoon. You opened the driver’s side door, but you lingered there. You turned back to him, curling a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Thanks for the coffee, and for letting me ramble, and vent, and soak up a few dozen napkins,” you said. You laughed a little in embarrassment, but he waved it off.

“It wasn’t as bad as all that, but good luck movin’ into your apartment tomorrow,” he said. Then it was his turn to hesitate. “If you need some help with that, just let me know.”

You blinked, mouth parting in soft surprise.

“Oh, thank you but…I don’t want to trouble you,” you said.

“You wouldn’t be. That’s why I offered,” he replied, smiling down at you in a way that had you melting a little bit more. “I’ve got an early shift tomorrow, but after, I could probably pull in Cassie. Maybe even Jenny, if she’s up for it. She’s one of our deputies at the PD.”

Beau recognized your hesitance.

“It wouldn’t be any trouble, I promise,” he said, holding a hand over his heart. “We’ve gotta welcome you to the neighborhood, don’t we?”

You were still a little unsure, but you agreed to it with a thank you, along with a more shy, sweet smile.

Beau liked that smile too.

Later that day, Beau remembered it was his turn to host the ritual movie night Friday with Cassie and Jenny. His trailer was too small to have it inside, so they set up Cassie’s projector out in front, by the fire. According to his friends, he was going about the night with too much cheer.

“You’re entirely too smiley to have just come from an afternoon of therapy,” Jenny pointed out. She uncapped her second beer, then passed him the bucket. He waved her off; he was still nursing his first beer of the night. If he stuck to his plan, then it’d be his only beer of the night.

“Aw, it wasn’t so bad, actually,” he said. He explained that you had been there at the group session. The moment your name was mentioned, Cassie and Jenny both raised their brows.

“Really?” Cassie remarked.

“Yeah. Losing her friend really shook her up. Understandably,” Beau said. His gaze lowered when he played through his afternoon with you in his mind. Though your situations were different, both in your lost friends and lost relationships, he realized just how much he’d understood and connected with a near stranger.

That kind of thing didn’t happen to him often, if ever before.

“But, she’s actually moving into her new place tomorrow,” he added, breaking himself out of his own head. “Speakin’ of, would you two have the time to help her and Denise out? I already said I would come by after shift tomorrow.”

Cassie and Jenny shared a certain look—the kind these women donned when they were having a private conversation with just their eyes. This time, it seemed to be about him.

“What?” he asked, his hands spreading wide.

“Nothing,” Cassie said, smiling. “Sure, I can come.”

“Yeah,” Jenny agreed, “barring nothing too crazy happens on shift.”

Beau inclined his head. “Knock on wood there. Anyway, what’re we watching?”

“Crazy, Stupid Love,” Jenny grinned, holding up the DVD cover. “For Ryan Gosling, of course.”

Beau rolled his eyes.

A few months ago, he wouldn’t have expected that he’d make friends with exclusively women in this town, but he only complained about it in times like these.

Though as it turned out, he enjoyed the movie. There were as many hilarious scenes as there were poignant ones. By the end of the night though, he was beat.

Jenny helped with the cleanup, but she ended up taking off first. It left Beau to put away the fold-up chairs with Cassie.

“So, tell me,” she said, in a leading tone and with a teasing smile. “You crushing on Glamper Girl for real now?”

Beau shot her a wry look.

“She’s not a glamper anymore,” he pointed out. “And I’m not crushing like some teenager. I just want to help her out. She’s been through a lot…and she’s Denise’s family. It’s just the right thing to do.”

Cassie laughed. “That’s a lot of over-explaining you’re doing right there, but okay, Beau.” 

He rolled his eyes, but he had to smile. “Okay, that’s it. I’m gonna have to insist you get off my property.”

“Off what, your tin can?” she retorted.

“Hey! She can hear you.”

Beau wiped the sweat from his brow strategically while he carried his end (the heavier end, he might add) of your couch. He and Jenny were trying to get it up the stairwell to your apartment on the second floor.

“Okay now, just pivot on this corner,” he instructed. “Pivot!”

 Jenny nearly dropped her end out of sheer aggravation. Her blue eyes cut down to his.

“If you say pivot one more time, I’m gonna shoot you,” she snapped.

Beau whistled in amusement. “Threatening to shoot the sheriff. Now that’s at least a misdemeanor.”

Right as he could almost see the fumes coming out of his deputy’s ears, you hustled up the stairs to help them. You picked up the middle to make it easier.

“Okay, we can do this! I think we can just tip it on its side to get it around the corner,” you said.

To everyone’s relief, your suggestion worked. Denise held the door open while the three of you got the couch up to the second floor, then into your apartment. Once the couch was successfully in the living room, you went to the kitchen and grabbed a few bottles of water out of the fridge. You handed one each to Beau and Jenny.

“Thank you guys again so much for doing this,” you said, still catching your breath. You surveyed all the boxes and furniture you all had brought in, and you realized you were crazy to think you and Denise could’ve done all of this by yourselves.

“It’s our pleasure,” Beau nodded. He gestured to his sweating face and neck. “But do you have a towel or a rag or something? You’re about to be mopping me off the floor in a minute.”

“Yeah, of course. Hold on,” you said. You went back into the kitchen and retrieved a clean hand towel. Beau used it to dry his face, neck, and the top of his chest.

You tried not to stare at the flash of tan skin near the collar of his plain gray shirt, or the wet spots clinging to his back. The sleeves were tight around his arms and across his chest, leading you to believe that despite being in his mid-forties, he kept himself in shape. 

Meanwhile, Jenny drank her water, and pretended not to notice you staring at her boss. Part of her was amused, but a good part of her felt an unfamiliar sting as well.

“Okay,” Beau clapped a hand on his jean-clad thigh after he drained his own water bottle. “What’s next?”

Your face warmed, because you knew what your aunt was about to say before she said it.

“Oh, I think it’s just your bed, right honey?” she asked you.

“All right, let’s do it. Frame, headboard, box spring, and mattress, I assume,” Beau said, rubbing his sweaty hands together. He stretched his arms in preparation.

Again, you had to admire the way his shirt pulled across his tall, broad frame. But you followed after him when he started heading out the door.

“Wait, you shouldn’t do it by yourself!” you called out, and quickly followed after him.

Denise shot Jenny and Cassie a highly amused look.

“That's what she saaaid,” Denise sing-songed. The other two women grimaced.

“Wow. That’s your niece!” Cassie exclaimed.

“And technically my boss, thanks,” Jenny added.

“What, they’re cute, aren’t they?” Denise said, gesturing at the way you and Beau left.

“This from the woman who’s been lusting after that man since the minute he got into town,” Cassie retorted.

“Well, I’m woman enough to bow out when I’ve been thwarted. By my own blood no less,” Denise replied, but her mischievous smile said it all as she breezed back into the kitchen to start unpacking the silverware for you.

She knew for a fact that you’d made dinner for later—and not just because she’d told you how much Beau liked lasagna.

Beau accepted your help, along with Cassie and Jenny’s in bringing up all the parts of your bed. He just insisted on utilizing his own power tools to put it together.

That was how you found yourself holding the headboard up straight while Beau made sure the frame was aligned. It wasn’t as easy as it looked; the wood panels had to slide into the notch in the headboard just so, before he could start drilling the bolts back in.

“Damn it,” he muttered, when one panel of the frame nearly slipped out of his hand.

“Can you actually use that power drill?” Cassie asked. “Because you’re pretty hopeless with cars.”

Beau rolled his eyes, despite his smile. “Save the belittling for later. Tryin’ to concentrate.”

After a few more minutes of sweating, mild cursing, and internal praying, you, Beau, and Cassie managed to get the bedframe put together with the headboard. Then the box spring, and finally the mattress. It marked the official end of moving in.

While Beau, Cassie, and Jenny took a much-deserved rest sitting on the couch with a round of beers, you went to the kitchen where your aunt had already preheated the oven for you. Now you just needed to pull out the two massive pans of lasagna you’d prepared the night before—as a thank you for everyone who came to help you.

Denise sidled up to you and touched your arm to get your attention.

“Good job inviting our dear Beau to lift furniture for us,” she whispered, waggling her brows. You shot her a look and shushed her.

“Do you always flirt with him like this?” you asked incredulously.

“Well, I might have to do it less blatantly if he’s gonna keep playing Mr. White Knight for you,” she teased. 

“He is not. He’s just…nice,” you whispered back. “So are Cassie and Jenny.” 

Denise gave you an amused look. “Mhmm.”

You rolled your eyes and focused on getting dinner ready.

Within the hour, the five of you were sat at your new modest dining table between the kitchen and the living room, eating lasagna and drinking iced tea. Jenny and Beau had beers alongside them, and conversation drifted from how you intended to set up the apartment, to Cassie’s still open missing backpacker case.

The parents were even more worried now, saying it was out of character for him not to check in with a phone call, despite the email he’d apparently sent them a few days ago. Beau had agreed to give Cassie whatever help she needed on the periphery, especially if further evidence revealed itself on the backpacker’s whereabouts.

Beau was already on his second helping of lasagna when he raised his gaze to you, right across from him at the table.

“Clearly you get your cooking skills from your aunt, because this is fantastic,” he said.

Denise twittered. You blushed a little as you smiled.

“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”

There was a short lull, filled by the tapping of silverware on plates, before Denise spoke up.

“By the way,” she said, looking to you and Beau. “Did you two have a productive time at grief counseling? What did you talk about?”

It was a well-meaning, but perhaps intrusive question. Both you and Beau tensed up. Cassie gave Denise a warning look. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. You guys don’t have to answer that,” Denise amended. 

“Um, it’s okay,” you replied. “It wasn’t too bad…I think I might go again.”

Beau had a warmer smile for you. “That’s good.”

You were able to return his smile. You turned to Cassie next.

“You went there for a while, right?” you asked. Cassie nodded. 

“It was helpful,” she said. “I’m glad you’re getting something out of it.”

You took that with a nod, and returned your gaze to Beau.

“Have you been going there long?” you asked him.

He tilted his head. “Actually, yesterday was my first time too.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh, really?”

Cassie was intrigued at the way this little scene was playing out. Thought she caught the look on Jenny’s face while she watched it too. Like Jenny was studying them, not sure what to make of it all.

Beau wore a self-deprecating smile.

“Yeah. Just…hadn’t gotten around to it,” he answered you.

There was a heaviness in his voice and in his eyes that you didn’t miss, but you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable in a room full of people, even if they were his friends. 

“Well, I’ll go again if you do,” you offered, a bit bolder than you felt. Beau met your eyes across the table, and his lips lifted at the corners. 

“All right,” he said. “You got yourself a deal, miss ma’am.”

You fought against a blush rising up your neck. You glanced down and took a sip of your iced tea. 

“Look at you. Pulling out your ‘sheriff’ voice,” Cassie teased. 

“Like a rhinestone cowboy…” you sang into your glass. Your smile peeked out around the corners of it.  

Most of the table laughed. Jenny smiled, but opted for drinking her beer.

Meanwhile, Beau gave you a mock look of betrayal. His true amusement shone through his eyes. 

“I see how this is. Gang up on the Texan time,” he remarked. 

That gave Cassie an opening to ask you something, and hopefully get to know you better. Already she had an instinct about you: she liked you. And clearly Beau seemed to as well. Cassie tended to be more cautious about people, even if you were Denise’s family.

“So how are you liking the Midwest so far?” Cassie asked you. 

“So far? It’s the fresh air I needed,” you replied. 

“Oh, you should check out that art studio you wanted to see,” Denise chimed in. 

“You’re an artist too?” Beau asked, raising a brow. You chuckled.

“No, just an amateur with a handful of brushes,” you replied.

You remembered the peace you’d gotten while painting in sight of the mountains. But when you got to Denise’s house, you’d hidden away those canvases, not wanting to be reminded of that week at Sunny Day Excursions. And of Mary. 

“Oh, but have you gone horseback riding yet?” Denise asked. “I know you were gonna try on your camping trip—”

You loved your aunt. You really did, but she also had a knack for putting her foot in her mouth. The others quieted as you dimmed at the actual mention of that God-forsaken place.

“I tried,” you said. “I never actually managed to make it on the horse.” 

“Aw, well if you ever want to go, there’s a stable in town. They give lessons too,” Denise said.

You nodded and forced a smile. You went back to picking at the remnants of lasagna and salad on your plate.

When everyone began to filter out of your new apartment, each with their own set of well-wishing and a container of leftovers to take home, Beau ended up being last to leave. You had followed him to the door, where you handed him his tupperware of leftovers, and he thanked you in appreciation.

“Now I just need a microwave,” he said. “My toaster oven’s been on the fritz.”

Your brows rose in amusement. “You have a toaster oven, but not a microwave?”

“Well, let’s just say my trailer doesn’t exactly have a whole lot of space for appliances,” Beau replied, chuckling.

You smiled at that. You hesitated, but you eventually touched his hand that held the tupperware.

“Thank you again for coming here, for helping me…and for yesterday,” you said.

Beau almost didn’t realize it, but his face was getting warm. As warm as your pretty smile.

“Well, you’re very welcome,” he said. “And just puttin’ it out there, I may or may not have been riding a horse before I could walk. First memory I have is my dad putting me on Old Bess when I was four. She nearly kicked me off…not that that would happen to you. I’m just saying—” 

“I see.” Your giggle ended with a smirk. Beau tended to ramble. You weren’t sure if it was a nervous tick, or just a facet of his upbeat personality…but you found it endearing.

He leveled you with a grin. “Listen, what I mean to say is, if you’re serious about wanting to learn how to ride, I could teach you. It’s not that hard.”

You bit your lip, mentally beginning to weigh out the pros and cons. To be honest, you still had reservations, both on riding a horse, and on Beau being the one to teach you. Was he just being nice, your “friendly neighborhood sheriff,” or was your aunt onto something?

…You weren’t sure, but your instincts told you that at the very least, you could trust him with this. And trust had become hard for you to give any man.

“Okay, cowboy. Let’s ride,” you said. And you even surprised yourself with the flirtatious note in your voice. 

Beau’s grin kicked up a notch. You then exchanged numbers so you could hash out the details of when and where to meet sometime soon. Hopefully soon. 

Then you wished him a good night. 

“G’night, darlin’,” he said. He lingered in the hallway for a parting grin. “And welcome home.”

Your answering smile warmed him, long after he left your door.

AN: *rubs hands together* We're really getting into it now. 😂 Finally we have the big reveal of why she left Chicago, and the start of her and Beau's bond. You'll see more of that, and of Emily, in the next chapter...

Next Time:

You gasped and gripped even tighter with your thighs. With almost everything you had.

You were still far too unsteady for comfort on this damn horse. The poor animal whinnied, tossing his head back with a huff. Unfortunately, that just made you tense up even more as you held onto his neck. 

Beau tried not to laugh. You looked like a cat clinging to the edge of a bath.

“Okay, you needa relax a little,” he said. “He ain’t gonna buck you, long as you don’t give him a reason to.”

You shot him a narrowed look.

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Series Masterlist

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Main Masterlist

Series Tag List (Part 1):

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[smoljamesmadison]

Ok real talk how do I get my theatre crush to notice me???

I really really like him to the point it's making me anxious and I just wanna hug him

[mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake]

hi hello um.... I'm kinda nervous avout requesting but can you do sniper, medic and engie with a very scary looking s/o (they have like black metal make up and wear black denim) but they're actually REALLY shy and anxious

thank you so much and keep up the good work ❤❤

Ohhh I like this idea!! Also um no need to feel nervous \( ´ ▽ ` )/ Thank you so much for the sweet idea!!

Sniper

Sniper finds it cool how you look so scary yet are such a nice koala in the inside <33

Sniper always understands you!!! You both don't really go out in public. But when you both do, sniper always holds your hand tight and tells to that things are okay :))

Sniper is really supportive with your style/fasion! If he even sees someone make a rude comment about it *BANG* ...yeah

Sniper also likes to wear the black denim jacket. I mean it looks really cool. So whoever you two go out you usually match. (Maybe the black denium jacket has a small koala badge...hehe)

Medic

You both are so cute together!!! A devil-looking doctor and a scary-looking partner!

both of you are so sweet with each other. Nobody will really know since you both generally show affection in private.

Medic actually likes helping you look scary in the morning!! He just loves helping you!! He would let you sit on his lap while he tries to put the make up on...S/o hold still! *attempts to put the makeup on* Medic um, Hm? The black stripes go that way, AGAIN? Ugh, I am bad at this aren't I? Actally keep that stripes! What? I like it :) Oh that's good!!! *contines with the make up* *s/o giggle at how serious medic looks* S/o hold still!!! I am trying medic, I am trying hehe.

Engi

Engi finds your makeup very nice!!

Engi AlWAYS compliments your makeup!! And he always notices the slightest changes! Oh hi engi! Oh hi, sugar! *after having a nice conversation* Hey um I noticed something! hm? Is it just me or is your lipstick much more darker? Oh um, you noticed? I actually changed it up and found a much darker one yesterday :) Oh cool :D

Engi made a makeup organizer for you!! AND has your name and has your vibe to it! I mean how much cooler can it be!? Engi made that so that you can keep much more organized when you do your black metal makeup! And of course you love it!!!

I hope I got this right!!!! Anyway, I gotta work on the next lol. But yes I hope you enjoyed it!!

[awetistic-things]

I was talking to my friend online today and like. I got to thinking—and I also just realized another thing too but I'll get to that—that like.

My friend said my experiences are typical to me. I've always been the way I am. But I was thinking, if I have a neurodivergency, how much of "me" is "me" and how will I change if I ever get diagnosed? How will the way I view myself change?

And like. The thing I just realized is, I'm pretty sure I've got some sorta ADHD. My mom has it and one of my brothers has it, so there's some close family history of it. But I'm not stereotypically hyperactive. I'm AFAB and most of my "hyperactivity" is my mind will *not* slow tf down. I've literally had sleeping problems for years because of it. I'm twenty now, and I've had issues falling asleep for as long as I can possibly remember.

So that's one thing. Another thing is... I might be autistic? But the one thing holding me back from being "sure" is that I have little to no sensory issues and I'm not *always* uncertain about social situations. Am I awkward and prefer not to speak if I don't know what to say (which is almost all the time)? Yes. Do I sometimes struggle determining tone or other people's emotions? Yes. I feel like if i had more sensory issues then I might be "sure" I'm autistic, because I just constantly feel so out of place in social situations and I have no clue why.

(I'm adding this here after I've written everything else because, surprise surprise, I had Another Thought). How can I know if I'm masking, if i am neurodiverse? I interact the same way with my family that I do with strangers, except I'm more comfortable with my family. But with my friends, I can ask about their tone. I can ask if they were being sarcastic. I can ask millions (not literally) of follow up questions and it is so damn helpful. But I don't do that with my family and i feel.... "small" when I do that at work. So I try not to ask them a lot of questions and it really does not help at all because then I'm just left confused and anxious because I don't know what to do because I didn't ask for clarification from them because I didn't want to seem like a burden or like I couldn't think for myself or like i was, for lack of a better term, "stupid."

But also I've been shy my entire life. Super quiet. And I'm also *very* soft-spoken so that doesn't help at all. I have a total of like six or seven friends and they're literally all neurodivergent. I get along with them. I feel safe with them. They know me. I relate to them and they often relate to me too. Five of them have ADHD, two have autism for sure and another one suspect it, just like me.

And also like. How... can I know, like, what someone who doesn't have ADHD or autism experiences? Do I compare my experiences with those accounts?

Ugh. I'm tired and I have a headache. Sorry if this is rambling. I suspect I have ADHD and that... might help my paragraphs to be all funky and long, so, sorry about that.

Any advice is appreciated, but not necessary if you don't feel like giving any. This goes for any replies too, if you wanna share your thoughts, please feel free to because I am Very Very Confused.

Sorry for the super long post. Thank you for reading and thank you if you decide to give any advice. Like I said, it's not necessary.

okay i’m gonna break down my answers one at a time, but also here’s a link to a really helpful article on autism and adhd if you wanna check it out :) (child mind institute is my personal favorite)

now for the “how will my view of myself change after a diagnose” i’m not sure personally speaking because i’ve yet to be diagnosed. but once i decided to research autism, i initially felt like a fraud and thought i was desperate to be somebody other than myself. however, the more involved i got in the community, the more confident i became. so, i suggest looking up some reddit answers maybe on people who got diagnosed and their experiences. but also to do a lot of research, because that could definitely answer a lot of your questions (just searching up “autism” “adhd” or “comorbidity between adhd and autism”)

sensory issues are a big thing with autism, but comorbidity (how different disorders interact with eachother) can maybe explain some of that. then again, if you mask a lot (unintentionally) you can become unaware of a lot of autistic traits which could lead to a lot of your confusion

sleeping is a big problem for people with autism and/or adhd (pretty sure it’s an issue for neurodiverse people in general) here’s an article for autism and adhd about sleeping problems:

unintentional masking can lead to a lot of “oh i know social cues” or “i’m just an introvert” so doing a deep dive, comparing autistic traits and your own, can really help with that. also, some autistic people can become better at tone, social cues, etc. over time, especially if they don’t know they’re autistic

not knowing if you’re masking or not is definitely a neurodiverse experience. it’s really hard to figure it out, but becoming more involved in the community (i suggest adhd and autistic spaces) can help you see relatability with other people and have a lot of “oh! i thought that was just a me thing!” i understand what you mean about not wanting to come across as “stupid” (asking for clarification is never a “stupid” thing to do and it’s good that you do that), and becoming more confident in yourself and essentially knowing that you’re not “stupid” you just need some help, and that’s okay

asking neurotypicals what their experiences are like is not something i have ever tried, mainly because growing up all i heard and saw was the neurotypical experience. i personally think it’s more important to talk to your neurodiverse friends and seek out that reliability. i think figuring out if you’re neurodiverse is mainly “let’s evaluate how i’m “different”” rather than “let’s evaluate how i’m “normal””)

i appreciate all the questions and feel free to dm me if you want to talk more :) /gen

[cupidstwin333]



hi can i ask for a romantic obey me matchup? :D i'm 20, agender bisexual and i go by she/he/they pronouns! physical: i'm 165cm, i have short black hair and im on the chubbier side personality: infj, social on online spaces where i struggle to be social irl :( once im comfortable enough and with the right crowd i find myself wanting lots of attention from them instead of feeling awkward and shying away when in love i make sure im loud and clear enough about my honest feelings, try to communicate a lot and i have the tendency to give generously which kinda makes it easier for anyone to take advantage of me if they wanted to :0 some flaws are that im very anxious, struggle with self worth issues and i have adhd hobbies: very generic hobbies like games, listening to music, cooking :] i avoid outdoor activities unless someone is willing to accompany me and there's something else i love but its not a hobby i really like cats lol cats are my special interest idk what else to put hehe thanks if u do mine!

After a long time of thinking 💭 your match is...

Leviathan

Background:

You just arrived at the house of lamentation after a long day at RAD. You ran up to your room and lay on your bed, you let out a deep sigh. "ugh…finally, I'm home." That's when you realized what you just said. Home?? you've been in Devildom for 2 weeks now and it was ''literally'' HELL. Your social anxiety worsened each day and you felt homesick. It's not like you didn't try to communicate with them, but getting to know that many people all at once was very intimidating and draining to you. And all the demon brothers didn't seem to be bothered, they just assume you were shy and homesick. They didn't know how much you'd been suffering. You felt the tears welling up. That's when you heard a notification from your computer. You've recently been playing this online game that's very popular in Devildom. You're quite good at gaming and you enjoy doing it since it keeps distracted from those miserable feelings.

ruri_chanshusbando3(can we guess who it is?):Hi! ruri_chanshusbando3:I saw that you were ranked no.1 and I'm in 2nd place. Which is unusual since I am ranked first place in all the games I play.

You looked at the message on your screen, took a deep breath, and sat down properly.

dead_and_inHell: well it's not that hard to rank first, just focus on the tail of the monster. It lights up when the monster is about to attack. And you shouldn't be on the offense all the time. ruri_chanshunbando3: I see. How about I challenge you! to see who really is the best?

you didn't realize you were smiling at your computer screen.

dead_and_inHell: I accept your challenge.

The terms and rules were explained to you and you started a new game. You were concentrated on beating this person. To prove to them that you were ranked first place for a reason. After an hour you won! It wasn't easy, he was really good, but you were better. You send him a smug message, bragging about your victory.

dead_andinHell: for someone so confident, you lost pretty embarrassingly! ruri_chanshusbando3: Tbh I am really not confident, like at all! My social anxiety is so bad I can't even go to school. I follow online classes instead.

Your expression softened, You didn't know you'd meet someone like you through a game. You two chatted for a while and became online friends. You went to bed not feeling homesick for the first time because your head was filled with the thought of your new online friend.

How it started:

You sat in your room and were chatting with ruri_chanshusbando3, it was 4 months and you never heard his voice, nor saw him, and you didn't even know his real name, but somehow you had strong feelings for him. He was a stranger, but at the same time, you felt like you knew everything about him. And the two of you understood each other so well. He gave you a few anime recommendations and he told you about all of his theories about the plot and characters, you were lying if you said you weren't intrigued. You weren't the biggest otaku, but the way he articulated it made you want to hear more. Before you could ask about the character that died in season one, but "didn't really die" according to his theory, Lucifer called your name and told you dinner was ready. You stood up and left the screen on the messages and walked to the dining hall. Leviathan was still in his room and was waiting for a response but after a few minutes of being left on read, he stood up and walked towards the dining hall. He walked past your room and heard a familiar tune. He gasped "It couldn't be!" he became curious and entered your room and his suspicion was correct. He grinned, he had a little crush on you for a while now, and you being his online friend made it better. During dinner, you noticed how Leviathan was staring at you. It was more than usual, and you avoided his gaze "Leviathan why aren't you eating? If you don't want it you can give it to Beel." Lucifer spoke up. Leviathan nodded and ate his food. After dinner you got a message from ruri_chanshusbando3 it said to close your eyes and count to ten. You thought it was silly but you complied. You closed your eyes and started to count out loud and you felt a presence. "you can open your eyes now" a voice commanded you after you were finished counting, That voice! "Leviathan" you said. "Wanna watch that anime with me?" he said with rosy cheeks and avoiding your gaze. After that you two became inseparable. And the other demon brothers got so confused about how the two of you became so close since you two barely speak to anyone.

General headcanons:

💘The two of you have sleepovers with an anime marathon, a bunch of snacks, and no sleep.

💘To the two of you are inseparable, you always find yourself doing something with leviathan.

💘 Leviathan is a hopeless romantic but as soon as he tries he’ll shy away and will be red as a tomato 🍅.

💘 When he sees you spending time with someone else he’ll get very jealous (don’t forget that he’s the avatar of envy after all).

💘 Leviathan begs you on a daily basis to cosplay as ruri-chan.

Other possible matches: Belphegor and satan

I'd appreciate it if you'd repost this, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it <3