#but I'm still happy for persevering through it

[faace-downn]

sometimes i still can't believe that i finally have or can recognize the autonomy on parts of myself that seems so little to others. i had this realization while threading my fingers on my hair, it's a wolfcut, in curls, and short - just how it's supposed to be in my own liking. it's not straightened to its expensive and highest degree as it was during my pre-lesbian days, nor ridiculously long enough just to be recognized as feminine by others - especially men. there was this gnawing need before to be validated by them and I'm glad i caught up just in time to reevaluate things. i no longer value their opinion.

lesbianism is so wonderful. happy pride :)

[silkjade]

& IF WE’RE ALL DRESSED UP, THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE LOOKING AT US

neuvillette x reader ⤀ warnings: implied fem!reader, nothing specific + no pronouns mentioned ⤀ summary: making your debut as a couple at the hallow's eve ball ⤀ notes: wrote this last minute but i'm in one of the latest timezones, so happy halloween ! (written before 4.2 aq)

"Furina might be upset if we steal her spotlight tonight," you mutter, fingers nervously straightening the cravat resting at Neuvillette's neck for the nth time tonight.

"Let her be upset then. It’s not a storm I haven’t weathered before," he replies, wrapping his hands around yours before lowering them back down to your sides. He's sure you've fixed his cravat to be more than perfect already.

"Yes, but garnering our archon's contempt isn't exactly something off my bucket list..."

A low hum ripples in his throat as he tilts is head in earnest trepidation. "Are you having second thoughts?"

You shake your head — absolutely not. A secret relationship is no easy feat, much less one with someone as high profile as Neuvillette, who in spite of his distaste for lingering within the public eye, is still often thrust into the spotlight by those hoping for a glimpse into the chief justice’s private life.

"Just a little nervous I guess," you breathe.

To reveal the nature of your relationship, is a decision you've made as a united front. The gossip columns of the steambird already run rampant with thinly veiled monikers, and there's not much either of you can do when an 'Honorable Monsieur N' is once again spotted with a 'mystery someone'.

It'd open the floodgates to an onslaught of curiosities, but Neuvillette would have the city be his witness, for though he still has much to learn about the ins and outs of human nature, he knows for a fact that his entire heart is yours. So whilst no authority in this land can truly stop the peoples' whispers, if Fontaine wishes to talk, they can do so on your terms, without the threat scandal.

Before the two of you, stands a pair of large double doors; the only thing between you and focalor's hallows eve ball, the only shelter from the costumed elite of Fontainian society who's predatory eyes would land on you the second you step past the threshold.

To your left, Neuvillette stands with an arm behind his back, a perfect gentleman costumed in the finest fabrics, the gold metal details glinting under the chandelier's light. with a deep breath, you straighten as you exhale, carrying the weight of your own matching costume with a dignity befitting of the iudex's lover.

Coppelia and Coppelius, two individual entities, who when together, waltzes amidst a flurry of ice and wind, persevering through any storm. Gingerly, you take his outstretched hand, nodding as the doors creak open.

notes2: tbh i only wrote this cus i thought coppelia & coppelius would be a super cool couples costume HAHA anways thanks for reading, and as always, reblogs + feedback are super appreciated ^^

© silkjade — do not steal, plagiarize, translate or repost any content onto any other platform

[imloyaltoscoups]

i'm ready | yoon jeonghan

After seven long years, you finally find yourself in a place of true peace and contentment. The journey to this point hasn't been easy - the scars of heartbreak and betrayal ran deep, and it took time to heal and rebuild yourself.

But you did it. You persevered through the nightmares, finding strength in your own resilience and determination. With each passing day, you focused on your own growth and development, pouring your energy into your studies and your personal pursuits.

Completing your PhD was a milestone, a testament to your dedication and perseverance. It wasn't just an academic achievement: it was a symbol of your triumph over adversity, a tangible reminder of how far you've come since the pain of your past.

Along the way, you learned valuable lessons about self-love and self-care. You realized the importance of prioritizing your own needs and desires, of carving out space for yourself in a world that often demands so much of us.

The first years were undoubtedly the hardest. You struggled to find your footing, grappling with the weight of your emotions and the uncertainty of starting over. You were cautious with those who approached, wary of opening yourself up to the possibility of hurt once again.

But with time, you learned to trust yourself again. You rediscovered your worth and your strength, and you refused to let the pain of your past define you. You learned to allocate love and care for yourself, recognizing that you are deserving of the same kindness and compassion that you so freely gave to others.

You pause mid-packing, taken aback by your friend's unexpected enthusiasm. They shake the ticket with excitement, their smile infectious despite your initial reluctance.

"Y/N!!! We're going to Koreaaaa!" they exclaim, their voice filled with enthusiasm.

You hesitate, the memories of your past trip to Korea still lingering in the corners of your mind. The thought of returning to the place where so much heartache had occurred fills you with a sense of apprehension.

But before you can voice your concerns, your friend speaks up again, their tone resolute. "You're okay now, right? So it's okay to visit that country again. And besides, who knows when we'll have the chance to see our friends first ever exhibit. If you're worried of bumping with that piece of shit. Don't worry—I'll give him a piece of my mind. Maybe even a punch and a chokeslam for good measure!... I should have been with you when you went there" she pouted.

Their words catch you off guard, but you can't help but laugh at their fierce loyalty. Despite your reservations, their unwavering support gives you a glimmer of courage.

"Alright," you say, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "This is for our girl."

With a newfound sense of determination, you resume packing, knowing that this trip will be different from the last. Armed with the support of your friend and the strength you've gained from overcoming your past, you're ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead. And who knows? Maybe this time, Korea will hold new memories of joy and adventure, rather than pain and heartache.

As you arrive at the exhibit of your best friend, you're filled with a sense of pride and excitement. You rush forward and envelop her in a big hug, a smile spreading across your face.

"Congratulations queen, you did it!" you exclaim, squeezing her tightly. "I'm so proud of you for pursuing your dream of being an artist. Look at the crowd!"

She returns the hug with equal enthusiasm, her eyes shining with happiness. "Thank you so much! I couldn't have done it without you guys. You two kept on pushing me to do this and here we are."

She then shows you around the exhibit, pointing out each piece with pride, you can't help but marvel at her talent and creativity. Each painting tells a story, a reflection of her passion and dedication to her craft.

As you admire her work, she offers you two a glass of champagne, a gesture of celebration for this momentous occasion.

"Cheers to you and your incredible talent," you say, raising your glass in a toast. "May your art continue to inspire and captivate audiences around the world."

She clinks her glass against yours, a wide smile lighting up her face. "Thank you, and cheers to our friendship. I'm so grateful to have you two by my side."

Together, you three sip your champagne and continue to explore the exhibit, basking in the joy of this special moment shared between friends. And as you revel in the beauty of her art and the warmth of her friendship, you know that this is a memory you'll cherish for years to come.

Time pass by and your best friend excuses herself to greet other visitors, you nod understandingly, letting her immerse herself in the moment. Beside you, your other friend suddenly excuses herself to rushed off to the bathroom, leaving you alone amidst the bustling gallery.

As you scroll through the gallery, admiring the artwork, a familiar voice calls out your name. You turn around and are surprised to see Jeonghan standing there, holding a glass of champagne. To your own surprise, you feel no shock or hurt at his presence. Instead, you feel a sense of calm and resolution.

"Hi," he says, his voice tentative as he approaches you. "How are you?"

You offer him a small smile. "I'm doing better than ever," you reply confidently. "I got my PhD and now I'm planning on doing my residency."

Jeonghan's eyes light up with genuine pride. "That's amazing," he says, offering his congratulations. "I always knew you would achieve great things."

You exchange conversation for a while, catching up on each other's lives. Eventually, Jeonghan takes a deep breath and admits once again that he is truly sorry for the pain he caused in the past.

You nod, feeling a sense of closure wash over you. "I've forgiven you," you say simply.

His eyes widen with hope, and for a moment, you see the flicker of longing in his gaze. But before he can say anything else, a commotion interrupts the moment.

A little kid comes running towards you, calling you "mama." You glance down and see your baby boy, and you can't help but smile as you scoop him up into your arms.

"Where's Papa?" you ask, and just then, a voice responds—a man carrying your one-year-old daughter.

Jeonghan stands frozen, his eyes wide with disbelief as he takes in the sight of your family. You introduce your husband to him, and as you do, your baby boy innocently asks who the man you're talking to is.

"He's one of the singers mommy used to love," you reply gently, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

Jeonghan introduces himself to your family, his emotions held back as he struggles to maintain his composure. But as the moment stretches on, you can see the glass in his hand trembling, a silent testament to the storm of emotions raging within him.

"Mama, can we look for Tatie?" your baby boy asks, his eyes wide with curiosity.

You smile down at him and give a nod. "Of course, sweetheart. Let's go find her," you reply, your heart swelling with love for your children.

Turning to Jeonghan, you offer a polite smile. "It was nice meeting you again," you say sincerely.

Your baby boy tugs at your hand, eager to leave. "Goodbye, Uncle!" he chirps before running off with your husband and daughter.

Jeonghan watches them go, his face a mixture of shock and sadness. You offer him a sympathetic smile before turning away to search for your best friend.

As you walk with your husband by your side, his arm wrapped around you protectively, you feel a sense of peace wash over you. You lean into him, grateful for his unwavering support and patience.

"Thank you for being so patient love," you murmur, pressing a quick peck to his cheek.

He smiles down at you, his eyes filled with warmth. "You're very brave, you know that," he says simply, his voice filled with admiration.

You feel a surge of gratitude for the life you've built together, for the love and happiness that surrounds you. And as you continue to search for your best friends, you realize that maybe visiting Korea isn't so bad after all, especially when you have your family by your side.

In that moment, you realize that the greatest revenge you can provide to Jeonghan is finding your own happiness without him. And as you find your own people who cherish and support you, you know that you've already won.

part 1, part 2

....... ≿━━━━༺JEONGHAN༻━━━━≾ .......

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 7 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

I woke up to the news of Ms. Patti LuPone getting a Critics’ Choice nomination, so, you know. VINDICATION!!!!

lilia is back in the tunnel with jen, looking like the definition of a sad wet cat

it's actually cute that she can be so gullible at times. incredible seer powers, but not so good with irony

hadn't noticed jen tearing off half her dress and creating a perfect miniskirt

Because I wanted it to. I ignored it. I put it away. Lilia admits that losing her powers wasn't something that happened to her, but an active choice she made.

I always appreciate the visual gag of a tall actor and a short actor behind a wall

my new favorite disaster duo!

following the actual timeline, this is the first time they see the trial, but lilia has been here already, in the future.

billy's so happy he hasn't killed them lmaooo

the SWAG this woman has

WHO MASSACRED THIS SPREAD i can't

LITERAL CHILDREN. mom's back home and wants to know who started the fight

gay jokes. gay jokes as far as the eye can see. and billy going me me me let's make this about me

oh this is such nice framing

she's so commanding. i love it when lilia is in control

everyone's comedic timing is on point in this scene. and jen holding an apple!

when I say billy is making it all about himself, I mean that he - intentionally or not - created the Road as a way to understand his own identity, to figure out how his human life with the kaplans and his witchy heritage can fit together. and he's making it everybody else's problem.

yesss supportive jen

I'm gonna write down this whole speech because I want to learn it, and I also want to listen to patti deliver it again and again.

"The first card is you, the Traveler. next comes What's Missing, the reason for your quest. here is the Path Behind, wounds suffered, lessons learned. here is the Path Ahead, a place for growth and discovery. of course you will face Obstacles, preceding a potential Windfall. you must overcome all to reach you Destination."

so 1) the subject, 2) their goal, 3) the past, 4) the future, 5) shit they're gonna go through, 6) shit that's gonna help, 7) destination.

Gotcha.

clowns

you are the Magician. you have enormous potential and the ability to turn all your goals into reality. very fitting. I love that billy's card is not about danger, but about potential.

detective agnes still trying to figure out billy. you know her mind is doing the math lady meme

and here agatha jumps ahead to save lilia from the falling sword. you know what she's doing? she's doing what alice would have done. in moments of danger we've seen alice barreling to the rescue with agatha one step behind, almost following but ultimately suppressing the instinct to help. I don't know if agatha absorbed something of alice's essence by killing her, or if her example was simply contagious. but agatha has taken up her mantle, and, without realizing it, she's protecting the coven in her stead

lilia jumps to episode two, episode four and episode three in rapid succession, and lands herself back with maestra.

lilia says she didn't want to come, maestra once again calls out her bullshit. nobody put her on this journey, nobody stole her powers. she did it all herself.

I'm a forgotten woman. Then REMEMBER YOURSELF! is one of the best lines in these shows, I'm putting it up there with what is grief but love persevering. it's so empowering. because look, we can ask for help, we can find community. we need to, actually. but nobody can save you, if you don't save yourself first.

lilia's past, her family, her coven, an entire generation wiped out, with her as the sole survivor. she saw it coming from miles away and couldn't do anything to prevent it.

in her anguish, lilia has just revealed her old maestra exactly how she's going to die. and this impossibly wise woman just shrugs it off.

it's all we have in common.

we cannot escape our suffering. we can only share the burden.

go to episode 7 part 5

[theflowerrooms]

to request • eddie’s masterlist • main masterlist

Brand New Baby Girl

Eddie Munson x pregnant!fem!Harrington!Reader

Summary: you’re having your baby girl and her father is nowhere to be found, thankfully, your brother Steve, and Eddie step in, promising to be there for you and your girl.

wordcount: 2.1k

Warnings: Tommy being a deadbeat loser, swearing, pregnancy and childbirth, Steve being a protective big brother/uncle, Dustin’s super cute, Eddie steps up!!

this was requested by @tracymbcm, unfortunately a bunch of my asks got eaten, yet I persevered! Thank you so much for requesting this, I loved writing it!

Steve's hand is warm and shaking slightly as he holds your face, damp from tears. You just pushed through another contraction, they were getting closer together, your baby was almost ready to be here and still your boyfriend, Tommy, was nowhere to be found. He hadn't answered the phone any time you, Steve or even Eddie called him.

Steve sighed pressing his lips to your forehead as you cried, Eddie dabbed away your tears, holding your hands with his free one as Steve's held your heavy head. "Tommy needs- needs to get here. 'm having his baby." You cried out, head falling back against your pillow.

  "I'll go call him again, s'gonna be okay." Steve pressed another kiss against your forehead before he stood straight to head out to the hallway, his hands shook as he called Tommy's number for what felt like the thousandth time, getting sent to the answering machine again.

  "Tommy you fucking bitch, your daughter is being born right now. You'll be lucky if you're even physically capable of seeing her after I'm done with you. Asshole."

  You gazed up at Eddie with sad eyes and he frowned down at you, calloused thumb dragging over your knuckles. "You're doing so good man. Such a good mom already. Everything's gonna be alright, y'know?" Eddie chewed on his lip nervously and a smile broke onto your flushed face.

  He had no idea what he was doing or saying. Neither did you. He was just so sweet, holding your hand and encouraging you. You'd known Eddie for a long time, but you'd never been close. Not until you started staying with him and Steve during the last few months of your pregnancy when it was getting hard to take care of yourself and Tommy was busy 'working'.

  You knew he wasn't working, Eddie guessed he wasn't, and Steve was seeming to just be figuring it out. You weren't entirely sure why you were still with him. You did love him, and you'd both been so happy and in love earlier in your relationship. You were just desperate to find a way to fix your relationship, love each other again for your daughter's sake. You remembered what it was like to have parents who didn't love each other, who hardly loved you and Steve. You didn't want that for your baby, she didn't have a big brother that would make up for everything else like you did.

  Steve walked back into the room, jaw tight and you didn't need to ask to know the outcome. You threw your head back in disappointment, sweaty forehead resting against Eddie's arm. He didn't mind at all, just leaning down to press a kiss to your hairline.

  You groaned quietly when the doctor entered the room. He didn't spend long checking you out before he clapped his hands and smiled at you. "Ready mom? It's time to start pushing!" His voice was happy and calm but it did nothing to quell your anxiety.

  "I can't, I can't-"

  "You can babe, I know you can." Eddie squeezed your right hand tighter while Steve grabbed your left. "You are the strongest person I've ever met, you can do this, for her. And y'know she doesn't seem to be willing to wait 'cause she's on her way, like, now. You are going to rock this." Eddie gripped your face, waiting until you nodded before he nodded at Steve who nodded at the doctor.

  The birth went smoother than any of you thought it would. It went smoother than it probably would have with Tommy there instead of Steve and Eddie.

  Steve was as encouraging as ever, hyping you up, helping you regulate your breathing. It was crazy how he went from kissing your scraped knees when you were kids to kissing your teary face as you had your first baby. His hands stroking your arm and hand constantly, carful not to irritate your IV.

  Eddie had to take his rings off, he wouldn't complain about the pain in front of you, but he wouldn't be surprised if his knuckles were broken from how hard you squeezed his hand, the prints from the chunky silver he wore still red on his fingers.

  You learned there's no such thing as being prepared for childbirth. It's the scariest, most painful thing you've endured.

  But it's also the most rewarding. All of the pain and fear was beyond worth it when you got to hold your baby girl against your chest. You were crying. Steve was crying, Eddie too. The baby only cried when she first came out, but now she was quiet, chubby cheek smooshed against your chest.

  The first while after you had her was hectic, doctors checking on you and her, asking you, Steve and even Eddie millions of questions. But finally, it was just you, Steve, Eddie and your doctor in the room again, it was quiet as Eddie put your hair into ponytail for you so it wasn't as warm on your neck. You cried happily and watched Steve hold his niece for the first time, his golden brown eyes glossy with tears.  "It's so nice to finally meet you." His voice was soft and it shook, dripping with love, for you and the baby.

  "I think you guys should be good for visitors now." Your doctor smiled at you all and Eddie nodded, standing up straight.

  "I'll go get the kids." With that he kissed your head for the millionth time and left the room. He took a minute in the hallway, leaning against the wall. The day was overwhelming, filled with so much pride to have been there for that, for you, and so much anger toward Tommy.

  The door closing again startled him. "You did great in there, dad." The doctor grinned at Eddie and his heart pounded in his chest. He chose not to correct him before he started his descent down the hallway.

  "She's here." Eddie told the group of people in the waiting room. The kids bounded down the hallway, tripping over their own feet with Dustin in the lead.

  Robin bumped Eddie's shoulder with her own as they followed the kids. "Tommy show up?" She asked and Eddie shook his head, hands clenching at his side.

  "It's his loss." He sighed. "Prettiest fuckin' kid ever born and he's not here to see her." Eddie scoffed.

  You cried more hearing everyone gasp in awe at your daughters presence. "Wash your hands! Nobody touches the baby till your hands are washed, thoroughly." Steve demanded, swaying softly with your baby.

  You weren't sure when the waterworks would stop. Robin crying with your baby in her arms made you cry more. Lucas was nervous about holding her, so he didn't, but the way he looked at her in Max's arms brought even more tears to the surface.

  "We are going to be best friends. It's okay, if you like your mom or uncle Steve a little bit more than me, but uncle Dustin's gotta be at least top three, got it?" Dustin explained to your daughter too little to even be able to see him properly and you cried more.

  It was Tommy's own fault he was missing out on this, you knew, but still you wished he was here, for you, for his daughter. "Steve?" You got your brother's attention. "Did he try and call back at all?" You asked, hope draining with each second, and depleting entirely when Steve shook his head.

  He grabbed his coat. "I'll go get him." Steve's voice was monotone, arms stiff when he left.

  "Alright everyone, 10 more minutes of babylove and then you're getting kicked out!"

-

  "Tommy's not coming." You guessed as you leaned against Eddie who lay next to you in the hospital bed which was definitely not made for two people. You'd just fed your daughter for the first time. Giggling at how Eddie's face was beet red as he looked anywhere but at you during the entire latching process.

  "Fuck Tommy." He shrugged, hand resting on your elbow as you held your beautiful baby girl, cooing softly.

  "Already did, unfortunately." You laugh softly.

  "Yeah." He drags it out in a sigh. "Sucks to suck I guess. But hey, you got a pretty sweet consolation prize over here." He brushed his thumb over her cheek and you realized it's the first time he's touched her since she was born.

  You shift your weight to offer her to him and his eyes widen. "You haven't held her yet." You hum and he takes a deep inhale, taking her from your arms.

  "What the fuck..." his voice shakes as he looks down at her, deep brown eyes brimming with tears. "She's like, ethereal. She's perfect." His voice broke and you sniffled, pressing your face into his shoulder.

When Steve came back you pretended not to notice his bruised and skinned knuckles, pretended not to notice his swollen lip or the welt forming behind his eye. You assumed Tommy was worse off.

  He came over to the other side of you, leaning over and kissing your cheek, then leaning further to kiss the pink blanket over your daughters stomach. "I'm sorry." He whispered and you shook your head.

  "I'd rather you and Eddie here anyway for me." You hummed and he smiled, big hand resting on his niece's stomach, sleeping quietly in Eddie's arms.

  "We'll we're not going anywhere." Steve started, "we're here for you, and for Baby Harrington."

  "Stevie."

  "What's up?" He looked up at Eddie, tongue wetting his bottom lip at the sound of his voice.

  "That's her name. Stevie." You spoke quietly, tilting your head toward your baby. 

  "What?" Steve's eyes glazed over and his mouth dropped open. "For real?" He looked from you to the baby and started to choke up.

  "There's nobody in my life more important to me than you, Steve." You smiled. "Well, except for her" you giggled.

  "Not her fault she's so much cooler than everyone else." Eddie baby talked at her, making you giggle.

-

  Later on, Steve left to go update your parents who were not invited to the hospital, Stevie was off getting checked out by some nurses, you slept, and Eddie watched you, a protective hand laying on your stomach.

  The door opening stole his attention from you and he stood up with a big smile on his face as your baby was brought back in the room, making soft noises from where she lay in a nurses arms.

  "Looks like mommy's tuckered out! Uncle Steve's out too, looks like it's time for some daddy-daughter time." She smiles sweetly as she hands the baby over to Eddie. "I'll be back in a couple hours to check on Stevie and mom. She's so peaceful, enjoy it while it lasts." She laughs softly and leaves.

  Eddie rocks her gently in his arms as he sits down with her. "I'm not your dad, just so you know. You kinda got screwed in the dad department. But so did I and I'm super cool." He smiles down at her as she stares up at him. "Besides, you got lucky with the coolest mom possible. She's incredible." He smiles up at your sleeping form.

  "And just for the record, I would be so honoured to be your dad."

-

  About 10 months later, you sit on the floor of your new apartment with Stevie. Soft brown locks and big brown eyes, there wasn't anyone she looked like aside from your big brother. The only thing she inherited from Tommy was his freckles, which you were fine with because they were so cute.

  She grabs onto your hand, using it as leverage to pull herself up, which she'd been doing a great job at for the last week. You cheered her on as you both waited.

"Da! Dada!" She yelled the only word she used regularly as she heard the door open and close. Neither of you had to look to know that it was Eddie.

  "My girls!" He shouted with a smile like he did every time he came home from anywhere. He picked her up and held her on his hip, giving her a big wet kiss on her cheek before he leaned down, flipping her so she was almost upside down, giggling loudly as she watched you and Eddie kiss. "Missed you so bad, take this" he shifted and you smiled, pulling Stevie from his arm as he presented a small gift bag to you.

  "I know her birthday's a couple months away, but, I got her something. And I need to show you now because it's so cute and I might explode if I have to wait." He rushed out and you laughed at him.

  "Go ahead dear." You smiled as you sat Stevie in your lap.

  He destroys the bag in his pursuit, grinning wide. "Dustin's totally gonna flip." He mumbles before finally, he pulls out the gift.

  A little hellfire onesie for his little girl.

[yangqism]

we can't be friends | liu yangyang

actor!liu yangyang x actress!femreader

synopsis.yangyang is born to be a star, the kind of talent that lights up the screen. you, on the other hand, is a nepo baby who everyone believed got the lead role because of your family’s influence. he fought all these years to be the man that he is while you are still busy proving yourself to the populace. you believe you’re more than just your parents. he believes he’s less than without his fans. when your lives become intertwined, things get messy–one has never tasted consequences while the other lies awake at night, haunted by the thought of it.

genre. romance, angst

warnings. there's pretend kissing then there's real kissing where yangyang doesn't ask you, he just goes for it, i do not know the difference between drama and series so sorry <3

words. 8,812

eternal sunshine. masterlist

a/n. it gets better at the ending part so plZ just bear w me. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I'm turning 20 this year lol feels so scary if you think about it but whatever

The universe is unfair, but Yangyang has learned to live with that. 

It was unfair that he always played second to someone else. The second male lead, the second-best choice, the second most important. But he was never really bothered about it. Not until you waltzed your way into the picture. 

You still remember it vividly. It was a Monday afternoon, the first read through with the cast of Eternal Sunshine–a week before filming. He was already sitting beside the chair assigned to you, practicing his lines diligently while you took a sip from your coffee you ordered to-go. 

You greeted him with a warm smile but he only replied with a small and rushed one. Sure, he was your second lead in the drama but during that time, he made you feel unwanted. But who are you kidding? Of course, you were everything he wasn’t supposed to want. You’re the female lead, the one who would be with the male lead in the end. The center of attention. Realistically, you’re a nepo baby whose life had been handed to her on a silver platter, complete with designer shoes and an unearned (still) spotlight. But God, did you wear it well.

Whereas Yangyang had to work his way up. Every step of his journey was carved out of his determination and long nights filled with self-doubt, management’s uncertainty, and the media’s scrutiny. He wasn’t handed anything the first time he breathed in the land of showbiz. Every opportunity, recognition, and spotlight he’s getting right now is because he persevered. 

That’s what made sitting next to you on that Monday afternoon so excruciating. 

While he did smile to your way in a rushed manner, he viewed you as a person far differently than other people did when they looked your way. You were effortless in his eyes. Effortless in a manner that he could never be. Even in the most mundane moments like you sipping on your coffee, standing up to bow to anyone who comes in the script room, scrolling through your phone–you carried yourself with an air of belonging, like you had been born to inhabit the world he had clawed his way into. 

And yet, it wasn’t jealousy that twisted his chest when he looked at you. Heck, it was something worse. 

No matter how much he tried to deny it, when your mouth opened to read the script, Yangyang knew exactly what you were capable of. You weren’t just a nepo baby or some random female lead that the crew casted. You were the kind of actress everyone aspires to be. And also the kind of person who could uproot everything he’d worked so hard to build.

You first met Yangyang at a press conference after an award show your parents were invited for and you were their plus one. The journalist decided to pick on you, asking you pressing questions regarding your status in the industry. 

“What do you feel that everyone’s calling you a nepo baby, Ms. Y/N?” Well, you almost wish the journalist hadn’t called you ‘Miss’ if his question was like that. 

You just smiled at him awkwardly, never giving in to their pressing questions about your relevance in the acting industry. Afterall, you believe you’re more than just your parents. Sure, they opened this path for you but you’re working hard to show to everyone that you deserve that spot. 

You never really paid attention to the young actor during that time but you saw him looking at you while you were being interrogated by the rude journalist. Your eyes met for a brief moment before he broke it to talk to another actor. 

At first, Yangyang didn’t feel bad for you during that time, considering how he thought you were an annoying actress, like what he had heard from rumors. 

“Miss Y/N, what’s with you today? You keep on failing the scene,” the director yells another disappointed ‘cut!’ after you fumbled your lines with a scene with Sicheng. “Let’s take 5!” 

“I’m sorry, Sicheng,” you gave an apologetic smile to the star actor but he just shrugged and went to his assistant to freshen up. 

If there was one thing you loved about working with Sicheng, it was because he doesn’t really care about where you came from or what you did to become his female lead. He’s just there for work. A bonus is that he treats you nicely, he’s just nonchalant at times. Especially when that pop star comes into the set. 

“You’re too stiff, Y/N,” the sudden voice from behind your back startled you. You whip around to see Yangyang leaning casually against a prop stand, arms crossed and an amused grin tugging at his lips. 

“Your body’s too tense, that’s why you keep messing up,” he points out, tilting his head. “I saw it when you were delivering your lines.”  

“Oh, Yangyang-sunbaenim! I see, I’ll try to deliver these lines as smoothly as possible,” you replied, giving him a small smile.

“Practice it to me.” 

“Huh?”

“Practice your line to me and I can give you feedback, dummy,” Yangyang reiterated, his tone filled with playful impatience.

“O-oh! Uhm…” You focus, taking a deep breath before looking directly into his eyes, “Lei… I don’t think you can understand me… I don’t think we’re… we’re…” Your voice falters right where it did before. You clench your jaw, trying to force the words out, but they just won’t come. 

Your shoulders drop as you let out a sigh of defeat, “I don’t think I can do this,” you admit, your voice barely a whisper but Yangyang heard it. 

“You think you can’t because you want Lei and Riko to be together. You’re so immersed in your role right now, Y/N,” Yangyang scolded, giving you a bottle of water from his staff. 

“This isn't real, Y/N. You need to separate work and your personal feelings. If you want Lei and Riko to be together, they will in the end. Just not in this scene. Get yourself together and wrap this scene up so we can all go home,” he reaches up, ruffling your hair like you’re a little kid on the set, and before you can even process what he did, he’s already walking away, hands shoved in his pockets heading straight to annoy Kun.

“Separate work and personal feelings, huh?” You muttered, staring at the water he gave you. His words echo in your mind, louder than the busy mumbles of the crew around you. Maybe what he said is true considering how you can’t bear to think that Lei, Sicheng’s character, and Riko, your character, will end their love escapade for a few episodes before rekindling again.

“Y/N, Sicheng, back on stage!” The director yelled, giving you a brief smile before instructing the cameraman. “Do your best.” 

You nod, tightening your grip on the water bottle before setting it aside. Your feet move automatically, carrying you toward the place you’ll be delivering your line in. As you’re heading to your place, you can feel Yangyang’s eyes on you. 

You looked in his direction and he already had his signature gummy smile plastered on his face, “Do your best,” he mimicked the director’s voice, making you giggle.

It was a week after the first shooting for Eternal Sunshine that the director called you in her office for an emergency revision for the later episodes. 

You were wearing your favorite faded jeans with a long sleeve and a coffee on your hand. At first, you thought it was just gonna be you and the director but a sleepy Yangyang came into her office like it’s his second home.

“Greetings, Yangyang!” The director annoyingly scolded him, throwing a pillow at him when he immediately latched himself onto the sofa. 

“Hello, noona. Hello, Y/N.” 

“I’m very sorry about him, Ms. Y/N,” his manager, Huang Renjun, apologized on behalf of the second male lead. “He just came from an overnight shooting with Mr. Qian Kun. The two of them had to shoot their scenes more than once because the rookie actor kept messing up and they didn’t want to be assholes on set.” 

“Hey! What about an apology for me?” The director playfully demanded even though she had known the reason for Yangyang’s behavior beforehand. The director was like family for Yangyang and Renjun. This isn’t the first project they did together hence they’re comfortable with each other.

“As he said, Kun-ge,” Yangyang mentioned the golden boy and the three immediately saw the flabbergasted reaction of the director. “Kun-ge, Kun-ge, Kun-ge, Kun-” Yangyang teased, his smile grew wider as the director’s face became more embarrassed before having enough of his ministries. 

“Enough, second lead!” The director sassed, “I called you here today because there’s a change in the storyline we’re going to record for tomorrow,” she started as her assistant gave you and Yangyang the copy of the revised script and concept for the shoot. 

As you skimmed the pages, you realized that you and Yangyang’s character will be in close proximity, fully giving justice to his second male lead role. “As you can see, Riko and Jun will be closer to each other after Lei’s and Riko’s fall out. Of course, this will be brief as the latter couple will get back together,” she explained. “I just want the both of you to prepare yourselves. I know that the both of you have the least interaction throughout this series but you need to prepare… like, prepare,” she emphasized before adjourning the meeting, leaving you dazed. 

“After reading this script, I think Riko will fall harder for Jun than Lei,” you joked, already feeling the pressure as you saw a scene where you and Yangyang had to kiss. 

“Will you?” Yangyang asked, his tone was interrogating. 

You tilted your head, confused with what he meant, “Will I what, sunbaenim?”

But he just shrugged, telling you to prepare for tomorrow before leaving the office.

The ride on the way home was unusually quiet. 

“What do you think of him?” Your manager, Chenle, asked you.

“Of who?”

“Of Yangyang.”

You tried to think about what to say for a moment, “Well, he’s nice to me.” 

“That’s it?” Chenle glanced at you through the rearview mirror, one brow arched. “Nice? He’s Yangyang, Y/N. Everyone I heard who worked with him can’t get him out of their heads after.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning your head against the window. “He’s good at what he does. Professional. Maybe those people can’t separate work from their personal lives or whatever.”

“Professional, huh?” You can hear the smirk from Chenle’s tone.

“Just stop overthinking things, Chenle,” You sighed, dumping all of your body weight on the car seat. “Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day with him so you better not make any weird comments like whatever this conversation is.” “There’s nothing weird with the conversation we’re having, Y/N.” Chenle retorted, “I’m just hoping you could come to your senses tomorrow and do your best as an actress. You still have a lot to prove in the industry.”

“I know that.”

It’s tiring, honestly. For you, it’s a never ending quest of ‘proving’ yourself to the industry, general public, and your own family. It’s sad to think about how as a child, everyone was looking forward to your acting debut but once you did, all the nepotism news bombarded your career hence, you’re now known as the ‘nepo’ baby. 

You used to think of it as a positive thing, you never forgot to thank your parents in every interview for this opportunity as an actress because you know, since as a kid, that this is the path meant for you. It’s like you’re honoring them every chance you have but the public deemed it as ‘rubbing your nepotism face’ every chance you get. 

In the end, this whole issue got out of hand and you don’t mention your parents as much as you used to, even coming as close to declining films where they are starring in or in affiliation with in fear of the nepotism thing getting even bigger. 

The next day on set had this heavy atmosphere not usually there when it’s you and Sicheng filming. You think it’s probably with the revised script that got everyone on their edge because the crew were everywhere, ensuring all of the props and sets are nice and perfect for your shoot. 

It was also during this time that you realized the scene you’re about to do. 

It’s the middle part of Riko and Jun’s relationship where they kiss because they realized they love each other, only for a short period of time, and it ought to feel magical or else people would believe that Riko’s still in love with Lei and is using Jun but in the script, Riko’s in love with Jun, even if it’s just for a brief period. 

The director deemed it easier for the both of you to finish the hard scenes first before the others so as to ensure smooth filming in the later days of the schedule, considering that Yangyang and other actors in this series also has other schedules. 

“Relax,” Yangyang’s voice broke through your thoughts as you couldn’t shake your nerves.

First day with Yangyang as your character’s lover and you’re already about to kiss. What’s there to not be nervous about? 

He was leaning against the makeup station, dressed amazingly by his stylist. You think of his presence as effortless but right now, there’s a glint of something in his eyes–quiet yet intense. 

“I’m trying, sunbae,” you replied, turning to face him.

He stepped closer to where you are, lowering his voice so only you could hear. “You’re overthinking it, Y/N. It’s just a scene. We’re professionals, remember?” 

You nodded, but your hands were still trembling slightly. Yangyang saw your state and sighed. “Nepo babies,” he teased as he shook his head before giving you again a bottle of water. “Take a sip, madam. It will make you feel better.”

“I’m sorry for feeling nervous, sunbae.” You apologized as you took a sip from the water he gave you. “It’s just that… it’s my first kissing scene ever and I’m not familiar with the grounds for kissing in a scene.” you admitted. 

Yangyang’s smile was wide and charming as he listened to your confession, “Don’t worry, sunbae will guide you.”

It was show time and the director called you and Yangyang in for a brief summary again. 

“Look,” Yangyang said to catch your attention, “Think of this scene as an important moment for Jun and Riko. They came from heartbreaks and found comfort from each other,” he gave you an advice, “It’s like their enlightenment scene where they kiss and suddenly, all is well.”

You stared at him, trying to gauge what he had just said. “I’ll do my best,” you said shyly, offering him a small smile before walking to the center.

“I know you will,” Yangyang replied, his gummy smile returning. 

“Okay, lovebirds for a glimpse,” the director called. Lovebirds for a glimpse is you and Yangyang’s new nickname on set because of this RikoJun scene you’re doing. “Kiss your way!” was all she said before giving the both of you the cue. 

As the scene began, you convinced yourself that this isn’t about you. This is about Riko finding love again after what happened with Lei. This is her first kiss with someone who comforted her. And with that, you found yourself more at ease. 

Yangyang’s character approached yours, his eyes showed vulnerability and it almost felt too real when his orbs directly looked into yours. The lines flowing out of his mouth smoothly, as if he meant them. 

And when the moment came, when Jun leaned in and Riko didn’t pull away, it was like the rest of the world disappeared. 

The kiss was soft, hesitant, and lingering–exactly as it was supposed to be. Yangyang held your head with such gentleness while your hands found their way to his back, trying to get him closer to your body. 

You know it’s just pretend kissing but part of you wished it was real with the way Yangyang was holding you and your proximity, his warmth made you feel small in a way that is not condescending. He made you feel safe. 

When the two of you break the kiss, your eyes meet again. This time, you definitely went out of character as you looked at him deeply, fully portraying Riko’s yearning for him. Her ‘I found you’ moment. 

“Cut!” The director yelled ecstatically. “That was such a good scene!” 

You thanked the director while your mind was still in a daze as Yangyang gave you a small, reassuring nod–as if saying that you did well. You couldn’t help but give the actor a smile in return. 

As the crew buzzed around you again, you caught Chenle’s gaze from the sidelines. He raised a brow, smirking at your direction as if he knew something you didn’t. 

And maybe, he did. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Between the countless takes, script changes, and the director’s endless feedback, you barely had time to process anything. Except when Yangyang was in the same room as yours. You admire how his presence seems to fill every corner, tugging at your attention no matter how hard you try to focus on anything else. 

By the time you wrapped up for the day, your body ached from exhaustion, and all you wanted was to crawl into bed. At this time, you thoroughly expected a grumpy Chenle waiting for you in your dressing room but you were taken aback with what you got instead.

It was Yangyang, leaning against the wall near your dressing room, scrolling through his phone like he’s your boyfriend waiting for you to finish your shoot… you mean, what?

You hesitated to greet him but he looked up at you before you could even decide.

“Y/N,” he greeted, “Chenle’s out with Renjun. Figured I’ll wait for you instead, considering how late it is now.”

“Oh,” you mentally cursed your manager, your inner monologues filled with ‘How dare he’ and ‘How could he’. “It’s fine, sunbae. I can manage on my own.” 

Yangyang slipped his phone into his pocket, standing up straight in the process. “No, nepo baby. You’re gonna be with me until you enter the backdoor of your apartment.” 

You’re too tired to decline a persistent Yangyang that you just nodded before heading to the parking lot. “Long day,” you sighed, leaning into the car seat of Renjun’s van. 

“Tell me about it,” he responded as he started driving. 

You glanced at him, surprised, “I almost forgot! Aren’t you supposed to be staying for the night shoot?”

“Nah, Kun’s taking over because of changes again. Figured the director would have also preferred it that way,” he laughed as his hands smoothly maneuvered the steering wheel. 

You giggled at his response, “Sounds about right.” 

The two of you drove in an awkward silence for a while, the cold air conditioning of the van touches your body, making you shiver. 

“So,” he said eventually, looking at you for a brief period in his rearview mirror. “How’d it feel? The scene, I mean.”

You bit your lip, avoiding his brief glances at your place. “I don’t know,” you started, “It felt different… I don’t think I can find the right words to describe it right now, really.” 

You try to brush off his question with a laugh but you know deep inside your heart that you couldn’t just tell him you wished that the kiss was real. That you wish there was something more and that his glances at you earlier meant something. 

“But your advice did help a lot!” You tried changing the topic which you think was effective after he gave you a smug chuckle in return. 

“Told you.”

There was something easy about talking to him like this, away from the cameras and the crew and everything.

While driving, Yangyang made sure to take all the precautions he needed so as to not get caught with you in his manager’s van. Sure, he’s being friendly and acting like a dependable sunbae to you but he can’t afford being caught in a scandal, not with you. 

When you reached your destination, he made sure to contact the security to ensure no one was there before letting you go. 

“Thanks for earlier, sunbae! I don’t think I would’ve gotten through it without your reassurance.” 

He tilted his head, studying you for a moment before giving you a soft smile. “You would’ve been fine, with or without my advice. Give yourself some credit.” 

You stood frozen in the middle of your apartment’s parking lot at the sudden compliment. “Anyway, Y/N, get some good rest as tomorrow will be just as crazy as today.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, “You too, sunbae, you too.”

By the time you reached your unit, you were surprised to see Chenle’s outdoor shoes in the entryway. 

“Yangyang said you’re out with Renjun,” your face turned sour at the sight of Chenle chilling on your sofa. “What a bad manager you are!”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I left the restaurant earlier than Renjun.”

You didn’t mind what he said and went directly to your room to change. When you come back to your living room, he’s still in the same spot you left him a while ago. 

“What do you think of him now?” He asked again. This time, you already know who he was referring to. 

“He’s still fine and I still don’t understand why you’re doing this,” you rolled your eyes, joining him at your sofa. 

“He looks at you like you’re the lead of more than just the show, Y/N,” Chenle said slyly. 

“You’re overthinking things again, Chenle. Yangyang-sunbae is nice. I think we just have a good hoobae-sunbae relationship that’s why you’re acting like that,” you defended the actor. 

“I hope you’re right,” was all he said before placing all of his attention back to the television. 

At this point, you hope you’re right. 

It’s been a week since you spent time with Yangyang, filming the scenes for RikoJun and today, you guys are wrapping it all up–they’re gonna end their relationship and Lei will come back into the picture. 

“Missed me, Y/N?” Sicheng teased you. 

It’s also been a week since you last saw Sicheng, considering how busy he had gotten with his modelling gigs and sneaking out the pop star every night to his condominium. 

“You wish,” you retorted. 

“I heard you and Yangyang have a great chemistry,” he said again, his arms crossed to his chest.

“I like to think we do, too!” You gleefully replied, “His advice helped me a lot, especially during the heavy scenes we have together.”

Sicheng looked at you, “Mhm. I hope we still have that spark together after your time with him.”

Everyone on set was perplexed as to why Yangyang’s watching your scenes with Sicheng now, considering how he doesn’t have any upcoming shoots with you or with other actors of the drama today.

“Yang? Why are you here?” The director asked, completely puzzled to see the young man on set.

“Just wanna watch some of my colleagues, noona,” he showed off his gummy smile before proceeding to sit at the chair where the intern is supposed to sit. 

“Back off, Liu. The intern’s assigned there,” Hendery hissed, giving Yangyang a side eye before watching the younger one go away from the seat.

“Chill, Wong.” 

But Hendery didn’t give him any more attention, walking back to his van again to wait for the director’s orders. 

“Woah! What a tense situation you got there, Yang!” The director saw what happened, grinning ear to ear at Yangyang. 

“Shut up, noona. Why you gotta hire that man, anyways?”

“Well, he’s a good actor and he’s not rude to me,” 

“Whatever,” was all he said before looking for another seat to conquer.

After your shoot, you saw Yangyang outside your van, leaning against it while busying himself with his cellphone.

“Sunbae?” 

“Oh, Y/N. Already finished?” He asked, his eyes filled with joy as soon as he saw you in front of him. 

“Yeah. Why are you here, sunbae?” 

“N-nothing, Y/N. Have a great day.” 

You found it weird that Yangyang’s in front of your van yet left when you arrived but you didn’t divulge deep into the thought as your manager’s already waiting for you inside. 

“He was waiting for you,” Chenle told you the moment you sat on the leathered seat. “I thought he’s going to ask you out or something.”

“Please stop, Chenle. I know you like joking about stuff like that but he’s just a nice sunbae, that’s all!” 

“Drop the act, Y/N. I know you like him.”

This time, he’s right.

It started with the kiss scenes then the lovey-dovey shootings then came the drive-you-home extravaganza. Everything about Yangyang screams boyfriend for you. When he’d smile at you like you’re his most favorite thing in his world or when you’d be the only one he’d give techniques and advice on set, you knew what Chenle said about the man is right. 

At first, you were in-denial about it. Thinking that maybe you’re thinking this way about Yangyang because you can’t get your shit together and that you’re acting unprofessional. But, you know yourself. All this time, you are professional and diligent but his acts towards you aren't. 

Now, you’re here watching his character meet up with a new character the director added on a whim, saying something along the lines of ‘I’m sad Yangyang’s character didn’t have a partner.’

“Cut!” The director shouted, “That was a good run! Thank you, everyone!” 

The moment your eyes locked in with Yangyang, he immediately walked your way, not minding the new female character in his vicinity. 

“You were great out there,” you complimented. 

“Thanks,” he looked up before looking right into your eyes again, “But that’s just an act you know, what you saw earlier.”

“...I know?” You laughed. Of course, you know. You’re an actress for god’s sake!

“Just… saying,” he responded. “Anyways, are you free? Do you want to hangout with Sicheng and the rest?” 

You thought he’s about to ask you out on a date but Sicheng’s name flew out of his mouth and made your mood a bit down. 

“Sure, I’d love to,” you replied, opening your SMS app to message your manager about the said gathering.

You were about to sit beside Yangyang when the new actress beat you to it and told you to sit between Sicheng and Hendery. 

“It’s more fun if we sat beside our partners in the drama!” She suggested but you knew she just wanted to sit besides Yangyang. 

The table was tense, with the actress giving Yangyang a lot of food on his plate while you and the rest were quietly looking at the both of them. 

“I told Yangyang not to invite the newbie,” Hendery murmured. 

“Wouldn’t that be bad?” You asked, surprised he even talked to you. 

“So what? He could tell her I’m the one who suggested it.”

“That would be bad for you, then.”

“Everyone knows I’m bad. Much better for her to experience it sooner.’ 

You wanted to continue the conversation with Hendery more but he was clearly preoccupied with his ramen.

“That’s Hendery for you,” Sicheng smiled. “Here, get some of the beef I cooked.” 

“Thank you, Sicheng,” you thanked him as he put some cooked beef into your plate. 

From time to time, Yangyang kept on glancing at you while the new addition to the crew kept on pushing herself to the man. He was being uncomfortable because even though they rented a private section of this restaurant, rumors can still go and he can’t afford to have that. 

“He’s looking at you, Y/N,” Sicheng said, as if you hadn’t noticed it earlier. 

“I know, oppa. It feels weird.”

“Miss Y/N, you haven’t been touching your plate. Is everything alright?” Dejun asked rather loudly and everyone’s eyes on you now which made you feel small, especially when Yangyang’s gaze turned concerned. 

“Yes, Dejun-sunbae. I just feel full now,” you smiled at his direction which is a bit to the left whereas you were in the middle. 

“I’ll finish your food, Y/N. Give it to me,” Yangyang suddenly said, his right hand in your direction, waiting for you to give him your plate. 

“But–”

“Sicheng-ge, give me her plate,” you swear you could hear the newbie disagreeing with Yangyang but he didn’t mind.

Sicheng, being the biggest shipper of you and Yangyang, gladly followed the younger’s request. 

“Thank you, Yangyang-sunbae,” you said, eyes glinting with affection that everyone on the table didn’t miss. 

Of course, the both of you may not notice your deep fondness towards each other but everyone around you can feel it–they just don’t want to meddle with it. 

After everyone finished eating, you guys decided it would be better to part ways with each other and when the cast vanished into the busy streets of Seoul, you found yourself alone with Yangyang. 

“At last,” Yangyang jokingly said, nudging you playfully with his elbow while grinning from ear to ear. “At last, I can be with you alone!” 

Your heartbeat raced as you tried finding a reasonable response to him. “Don’t say that, sunbae!” 

“Why? Don’t you want to spend time with me?” 

“I like being with you, Yangyang-sunbae,” you responded, your tone was heartfelt but your execution was shy. 

Yangyang glanced at you for a while before forcing you to look back up at him, his fingers found your chin, racing it up so you could meet eye to eye. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, Y/N.” 

“Mhm?” 

“You can stop calling me sunbae, you know,” he continued, “Just call me Yangyang, like everyone does.”

“But I don’t like calling you the way they do,” you argued, your lips forming a firm line. 

He just laughed at your stubbornness before ruffling your hair. 

“Okay, nepo baby. Just call me whatever you want,” he smiles at you genuinely, never getting tired of your little habits. 

“Okay, my dearest sunbae,” he laughs again this time but you truly meant what you had said. 

Sure, you might have other sunbae than him that you look up to and respect the most but none of them is Yangyang. None of them can make you feel the way he makes you feel. To you, he’s irreplaceable. 

Yangyang’s presence is a constant in your day as an actress. He’s always there, watching your scenes and cheering you on every chance he gets. He would also lean over your script, pointing out notes with an exaggerated seriousness that makes you not pay attention to him.

“You know, I could just ask the director,” you say, snatching the paper back.

“But I’m more fun,” he whines, leaning back with a pout. 

Then there are the quieter moments, like when you’re both reviewing scenes on his tablet, shoulder’s brushing as you sit close enough to share the screen. Or the way his hands would instinctively hand you a water bottle before you could even realize you’re thirsty. 

Or when he would always stay up late at night, waiting for you to wrap up your shoot before bidding you goodbye, watching you go inside your van before minding his own way home.

“Sunbae, you don’t have to wait for me everytime,” you say one evening as he lingers beside the director’s chair, watching you finish your last take for the day.

“And miss seeing you trip over your lines when you’re tired? No thanks,” he teased, flashing you a mischievous grin. 

You rolled your eyes at him, tossing a tissue towards his direction which he dodges with a dramatic flair. 

Moments like this have become the norm, not just to you but to everyone else. 

Everyone on set notices it. The way Yangyang’s eyes soften when he talks to you, the way your laughter is always louder in his presence. It’s in how he seems to move with you, like gravity itself pulls him into your orbit. 

“They’re so obvious,” the director complains jokingly. 

“Would you say anything, though?” Kun asked with a hushed tone, glancing at you both from across the room.

“Hell no.” 

To the crew, it’s an open secret that no one dares to talk about. To you and Yangyang, it’s just the way things are. 

And Chenle’s really worried for you.

You’re sitting in the dressing room, scrolling mindlessly on your phone while Chenle organizes your schedule for the following months. The buzzing voices and footsteps of the crew fades as you stand up for a while to close the door, creating a rare moment of peace and solitude in your otherwise hectic day, before sitting comfortably again. 

Chenle sets his laptop down on the table with a deliberate thud, breaking the comforting silence.

“We need to talk, Y/N,” he says, his tone filled with urgency.

You glance up, already sensing the shift in his usual sunny demeanor. “What is it this time?” You asked, trying to lift his mood up but it seems like your manager has no time for jokes or any of your ministrations. 

“It’s about Yangyang.”

You look at him puzzled, “What about him?” 

Chenle crossed his arms, his expression was stern. “Whatever’s going on between you two, it’s too much. Everyone on set sees it.” 

“So what if they do? People talk all the time,”you counter, feigning nonchalance, though your heartbeat races and you feel a knot tightening in your stomach. 

“This is serious, Y/N,” his tone now direct, “This isn’t just about people talking. You’re putting your reputation and his career at risk!” 

You roll your eyes at what he had said, leaning back in your chair. “Chenle, it’s not that serious. Even if something happens, my parents can fix it. They’ve done it before. Don’t worry.” 

“See? That’s exactly the problem Y/N,” he snaps, “You’re so used to your parents cleaning up after you that you don’t even see how dangerous this is for him,” you could tell his frustration is boiling over but you don’t seem to understand why he’s angry. “Sure, you can tell everyone how you’re so much more of your name or your parents. You can decline any movies or series with their name, but that action of yours. This action of yours is why people still think you’re a nepo baby.” 

Your eyebrows furrow, feeling confused. “I’m not doing anything wrong, Chenle. I’m sure Yangyang knows how to handle himself.”

“Does he?” Chenle laughs at your naivety. “Do you have any idea how hard he’s worked to get here? He doesn’t have the privilege of a safety net like you, Y/N,” he pauses for a moment, trying to catch his breath. “One scandal, one rumor, and everything he’s built is gone.”

You’re quiet for a moment. The weight of his words made you understand where he’s coming from but your response only deepened the rift. “Okay, fine. If it comes to that, I’ll handle it. My parents will definitely make sure nothing happens to him either. I’m sure of it.” 

Chenle was cynical after hearing what you have just said. “You don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about who your parents can pay off. It’s about respect. Respect for his work, his sacrifices, his entire life!” 

Outside the door, Yangyang stands frozen, his hand stuck on the knob. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on you and Chenle’s conversation, he just wanted to hang out with you today but instead, he got to hear your careless and out of touch words, making his chest tighten. 

He hears Chenle’s voice lower, ultimately giving off the vibes that he’s intensely irritated at what you have said. “You’re so caught up in thinking everything will be fine because it always is for you. But for him? It’s not. And if you really care about him, you’d stop pretending this isn’t a big deal. Stop whatever is going on with you two, Y/N.” 

Yangyang doesn’t want to hear anymore of what you guys are talking about. His stomach churns as he walks away, Chenle’s words and your indifference playing over and over in his head.

The ride home was quiet but not the quiet you wanted to have with Chenle. You genuinely can’t understand why he’s so exasperated with you when you’re just telling the truth. You can’t seem to find the problem with your parents paying off tabloids and threatening news agencies to keep the rumors about you and Yangyang out of the public eye.

And maybe, just maybe, the reason why you can’t find the problem with what you have said is because you’d never truly had to worry about the consequences of your actions. For you, it was simple: if things went wrong, you had the means to make it right.

“Chenle,” you finally broke the silence, your voice softer now. “I didn’t mean to upset you earlier. I thought I was being practical, you know? Looking out for everyone… I don’t know. Maybe I’ve missed something.” 

Chenle’s hand tightened around the steering wheel of the van and you could see the tension in his shoulders. “It’s not just about you, Y/N,” he said, “It’s about Yangyang too. You have no idea how much risk he had put out on himself just so you could be close with him the way you are with him now. How he’d probably be in his bed every night, thinking when or where news would break out about you two but still continue to act like your lover day by day. You have no idea how much he’s risked for you and here you are, thinking everything can be handled with a few phone calls from your parents.” 

His words stung more now, the sharpness of them cutting through your confusion. You tried to open your mouth to speak but nothing came out. This time, you knew Chenle was right. You have no idea. 

“Do you really think this is just a game for him, Y/N?” Chenle continued, “I know, it’s partly my fault for letting him drive you home that night and for not giving you a heads up but I didn’t think it could go deeper. I didn’t think it could end up like this.”

“It’s not your fault, Chenle. I just… I just didn’t think of it like that,” you murmured, your voice almost too quiet for him to hear. “I just thought that… that it’s the way things work for me. I didn’t realize our situation could put him in a worse situation than me.” 

Chenle’s expression softened at your confession, “I know you didn’t. But that’s why I need you to start seeing it from his side. From his perspective. This isn’t about what you can fix or what you think you can get away with.”

Betrayed is an understatement of how Yangyang feels right now. Hearing Chenle’s frustration and your clueless words earlier made his heart twist uncomfortably. Just when he thought everything was okay. Just when he thought it was okay to let his guard down for you. You just had to let him feel different from you. 

“What are you going to do, Yang?” Renjun asked, sighing as he saw his talent leaning against the window of his car. He had heard about you and your manager’s dispute from Yangyang. The young man was already on the verge of crying when Renjun calmed him down, even just for a moment.

“I knew we shouldn’t have gone that far into whatever we had, ge.” 

“I’m sure Y/N had her reasons as to why she said those things, Yang,” Renjun tried to save you from Yangyang but he knew it’s no use. 

Knowing Yangyang, Renjun’s too sure that the boy will completely distance himself from you, considering how he just realized how dangerous it is for him to fall for someone like you. 

“No, ge. This has to stop. Whatever this is. Chenle’s right. Even if I hadn’t heard her talking with her manager, I can’t let things go that far, ge. I have a career to uphold,” Yangyang sighed, “What would the public think if they learned about us? It’s so scary.”

“You’re overthinking again. Try to talk things with her tomorrow, maybe it’ll clear your mind.”

Tomorrow came and Yangyang dreaded it the most. You, on the other hand, are oblivious to the fact that your potential significant other potentially heard your conflict with Chenle last night. 

“Yang-sunbae!” You greeted, still clueless. 

With you greeting him with a huge smile that could cure the world, Yangyang wished he hadn’t heard what you had said yesterday. Yangyang wished this could go on. Yangyang wished you guys were just ordinary people. 

“I heard your conversation with Chenle,” he wasted no time. Yangyang spoke to you with the coldest tone he could muster but his insides were shaking. 

“Hm?” You were confused. 

What conversation with Chenle? You thought. 

Oh. You realized. 

Oh.

“Must be nice for you, huh? To not be worried about your career because your parents can clean your mess up,” his words cut you like a knife. He swore to himself to become calm once you met him but Yangyang felt overwhelmed. 

“What are you-” you couldn’t even continue what you were about to say because he interrupted you again, his disappointment in you evident in his eyes.

“I like you, Y/N.”

Those were the words you hoped Yangyang would one day say to you but his tone wasn’t the way to put it. You felt no butterflies in your stomach because you know this is not the confession where the both of you would end up together. More like a confession where you’d end up alone. 

“I like you too, Yangyang-sunbae,” you try. You hoped that he would calm down. That this revelation of feelings would soothe him and make him realize that everything is okay. That he’d realize you’re ready to risk everything for him.

But deep down, you know you’re just a fool for even confessing. 

Yangyang shook his head, “I like you, Y/N,” he repeated, “But we should stop. Your manager is right. What we have right now shouldn’t continue. We’re not allowed to be like this,” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence. 

A confession and a closure at the same dialogue? Yangyang is the only one who could do that.

“Yang…” but he didn’t respond. You look at his figure walking out of the set. 

You cried at where he had left you. You look like a fool there, with the director coming at your direction, completely confused as to why Yangyang left so suddenly and why you were left there, sobbing. 

“No amount of public hate could make me hurt the way his words did,” you cry at the director’s shoulder. You were almost shaking. 

It was your first ever rejection you have received your whole life. Sure, some individuals do not accept you in this field but his rejection of you was personal. 

“Why’d you do that to her?” Yangyang found it surprising that Hendery was the one to ask him why. Out of all the people in the set, this young and rude man was the first one to ask him why. 

“She can’t understand me or my situation. She can never understand it,” Yangyang just replied as he brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply as smoke curled up in the air. 

“You should have known that from the start, considering she’s a product of nepotism,” Hendery replied. Him, too, lighting up his own cig. 

“She’s more than what the public thinks of her,” Yangyang argued, “But, I think I have overestimated her.” 

Yangyang didn’t mean to leave you crying, he felt hurt himself. When he saw you earlier, memories of yesterday flooded his mind, overwhelming him and causing him to say whatever came to mind in that moment.

He was terrified that he would become nothing once the news about you two broke. The thought of a dating scandal uprooting all the sacrifices he had made for his career filled him with dread. In truth, he was afraid of you.

From the first time he saw you at the read-throughs, he sensed something about you could destroy him. Still, he tried until all that remained was the painful realization that you couldn’t be with him.

Hendery didn’t respond to Yangyang anymore. Instead, he just stood there while Yangyang found himself sitting with his truth in silence, grappling with the weight of his emotions. It was just him, Hendery, and the unspoken fears that lingered between you two, a reminder of what could never be.

“I know this is bad timing but the editing team accidentally deleted a kissing scene from Riko and Jun and now–” the director was frantic, almost worried for you and Yangyang but Kun calmed her down.

“Breathe,” he said, patting the back of the director to soothe her.

“Thank you,” she smiled before continuing, “I need the two of you to get your act together and film this one, just one, scene again.”

Yangyang didn’t reply, as if he’s distracted with something. You, on the other hand, gave the director a small nod. 

It was the day after the confession-closure thing and you kinda accepted to yourself that while he has become wary with you, you’re still willing to accept him. Even if it takes a lifetime. 

“Good morning, sunbae!” You gave him your best, energetic smile but he just gave you a nod. 

“At least, he acknowledged you,” Sicheng’s makeup artist felt bad for you so she tried to cheer you up. 

“Okay, Y/N and Yangyang! Give us your best shot!” The director calls, you breathe deeply before looking straight into Yangyang’s, you mean, Jun’s eyes. 

Be professional, Y/N! You scold yourself.

Yangyang immediately dives into the kissing scene, leaving you no room to mentally prepare for it. 

The kiss was fierce and desperate. You feel as if you’re trying to consume each other, pouring all your unspoken words and pent-up feelings into this single moment.

Your hands find their way to his hair, pulling him closer as if afraid he might disappear. He responds by deepening the kiss, his hands gripping your waist tightly, grounding you both in this whirlwind of passion.

It’s as if you guys weren’t Riko and Jun. The pretend kiss was extremely intense, everyone on set felt that it was genuine than it was supposed to be. But the director liked it. 

“Cut!” The director shouted and Yangyang was quick enough to detach himself from you. “That was a good one-take!”

You weren’t able to respond because Yangyang was already leading you to a secluded place.

“Hey! Wait!” You try to make him stop, “The director’s not finished talking, sunbae.”

Once he deems it’s safe enough, he looks at you before sighing deeply. He leans into you, kissing you for real this time. 

Yangyang doesn’t know if this is your first kiss but you don’t care at all. You close your eyes, feeling the moment. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says, breathless.

“I should be the one apologizing, sunbae.”

Yangyang inhales, looking straight into your eyes, “It’s just… it’s just I’m afraid to disappoint them, Y/N. My fans. The public. I don’t like the way they’d paint me if we’re revealed.” 

“It’s okay, really. At least, you told me now,” you give him a half smile. 

In that instant, you realize how much you’re willing to risk for him. You were so easy to forgive him that you’d already forgotten what he had made you feel yesterday. But there’s this thought that has been eating you since then… that Yangyang’s not ready to risk what you’re ready to give him. 

“Look,” you were determined to make this right. “I know it’s complicated but–” 

He shakes his head harshly, cutting you off. “No, Y/N. You don’t understand this ‘complicated’ you’re talking about. I like you, Y/N. I genuinely, deeply fell for you but I can’t afford to risk my career or put you in danger of being even more hated by the general public.” 

“Yangyang-sunbae,” your voice was trembling but you still gave him a forced smile, “We can still be friends, you know?” You don’t want to be friends with him but if that’s the only way to keep him around, you’re willing. 

“No, Y/N. We can’t be friends.” 

“Why not?” You plead, desperate for him to explain whatever he has on his mind because he’s been puzzling you since earlier. 

“Because I like you more than friends do,” he admits, his voice betraying him again. 

The confession sends a rush of emotions through you, “So what does this mean for us?”

“It means…” He hesitates again, his brow furrowing, knowing that whatever comes out of his mouth next will change his relationship with you. “It means I have to lose you to protect you.”

The words hit you like a punch to the face. You want to scream that it’s not fair, that love shouldn’t come with conditions or sacrifices, but only a shaky breath left your lips.

“Yangyang-sunbae,” you say softly, stepping closer again despite the chasm between your desires and his fears. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He looks at you then, really looks at you, and for a fleeting moment, it feels like time stands still. In those gaze of his lies everything unspoken: the love that burns fiercely but is overpowered by his fear.

“I wish things were different,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion.

You reach out, fingers brushing against his hand, wishing for him to reconsider. But deep down, you know he’s already made up his mind.

“It’s premiere day!” The director gleamed. 

“Sicheng, you ready?” You ask your lead partner.

“Ask yourself first if you’re ready,” he replied. And he’s right about it, considering how this is the first time you’re going to see Yangyang again after your closure. 

The venue was filled with energy, cameras flashing from left to right, fans cheering for every cast member, and the buzz of excitement filling every corner of the room. You take a deep breath before diving in with Sicheng at the stage, reminding yourself of the work you had put into this series. 

The lights were blinding you and Sicheng and you can’t even hear the cheers of your fans with your heart thumping incredibly loud and fast. As you pose for photos, your eyes can’t help but wander to Yangyang. And when you did? Your heart almost dropped.

Yangyang looked dapper in his suit, standing with his partner in the drama as well as the other cast members. He catches your gaze for a second before continuing to smile at the cameras pointed at him. You can’t help but feel a pang in your chest. 

You mean, what’s the point of looking that good if there’s a distance between the both of you?

After the dashing and successful premiere of Eternal Sunshine, you find yourself at the after-party where only the crew and the cast were invited. 

The atmosphere was celebratory, filled with laughter and clinking of glasses. Heck, you even heard someone say that this drama is going to be a hit and that you deeply hope. But your mind wanders to Yangyang, sitting at the side with Hendery, exchanging small talks with the man every once in a while. 

You don’t know what came to you at that exact moment but you can’t help yourself. Your feet found its way towards an unsuspecting Yangyang. 

You first greeted Hendery, who even though feels the atmosphere didn’t need his presence there, didn’t give a single care and continued to eat. 

“Y/N,” Yangyang greeted you first.

“Hey,” you smile softly at him before leaning to his level, whispering, “I just want you to know that I’ll wait for your love, Yang.” 

It was the first time Yangyang had heard you call him without honorifics, making him flustered and shocked. He was about to respond to you but you shushed him, walking towards the area where the director is to talk with her. 

You know that there’s no need for further explanation because deep down inside, you're resolute: you’ll absolutely wait for his love. You like this man deeply, more than words can explain, and no matter how long it takes you're willing to endure it all for him.

COMING UP NEXT. “Yeah, but it’s so weird because you can feel the tension and I think it’d be even weirder now because they’re wrapping up the first season and Ten has to get the interesting bits while the makeup artist has to make sure Sicheng is the interesting bit.”

[withleeknow]

like you used to.

pairing: chan x reader genre/warnings: established relationship, angst word count: 0.6k note: "things i wish you'd said" for the fellow wifeu hehhehhehe. first bang chan piece, people !!

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation › masterlist › ko-fi

you remember when things were good.

now, you can only hope for a fraction of how they used to be. you don't even dare to ask for good again. you just want things to be better.

the way that everything is now - you don't know if it's right to label it bad. it's just... stagnant. lethargic. lifeless and on the verge of becoming unrevivable.

chan used to put you first, or at least, he would always make you feel like you were the center of his universe. when you'd first gotten together, the honeymoon phase seemed to last forever. you revolved around each other the way that everything in the solar system revolves around the sun. constant. a fact of life.

which is to say that the love was always endless. unwavering. persevering and true.

you could always feel the efforts he put in to prioritize your relationship. starting every morning with an i love you and ending the day the same way. staying on the phone for entire evenings whenever he had to be away. showering you with flowers and adorable small gifts any chance he got because he knew you didn't like extravagant things. running through the streets in the rain, giggling like a couple of fools utterly in love. spending hours talking and stargazing until the night faded away and you couldn't even see the stars anymore.

you were perfect together, perfect for each other.

what happened? what went wrong?

when did he start slipping away?

the i love you's don't sound the same anymore. when he gets into bed at night and presses a half-hearted kiss to your forehead, those three words feel like an obligation that he says just for the sake of upholding it.

no "just five, ten, fifteen more minutes!" when he wakes up in the morning and wraps his arms around you tightly for some extra cuddling time, peppering you with kisses on any exposed skin that he could find. instead, chan opts to desert the warmth of your side moments after his alarm rings. no lingering touches on your body before he leaves. just his fingertips ghosting on your back as if to quietly say "good morning, i'm going now".

it's a feeling that you can't quite describe even if someone asks you to - seeing the person you love the most fade away day by day, in front of your very eyes.

he's the last person you would expect this from.

the hardest thing to accept is that nothing happened. nothing went wrong. there's no one at fault, nothing to pin the blame on. love just went cold, and it's one of the saddest things that you and him will ever go through.

because your fire is still burning, not flickering even once while his love has been reduced to embers and you're helpless; you can't do anything to stop it from going out completely and turning frigid. because he's still the love of your life, even if you aren't the love of his anymore.

there are so many things that you wish you could tell him, so many things that you wish he would say to you.

tell me you want me and mean it.

kiss me like you did the first time under that shitty street light near the corner of my old apartment. it was dark and freezing, but we were so happy then, weren't we?

you don't have to love me forever like you once promised you would. just... love me. love me again.

because when he comes home and greets you with a smile - an empty one - that doesn't make his eyes light up like they used to, you know that the clock is ticking faster; time is cruel and time is running out.

you wish he would.

but you know he won't.

permanent taglist: @onlyycb97wife @starsandrqindrops @borahae-reads @abbiestearsricochet @cutiespaghetti @anthropologykpopmultistan @moonlinos

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 02.01.2024]

[gotafewtricks]

there are two main things that i love in this life: genji and plushies… what if reader makes genji plush and shows him..? would he like it? would he be like erm what the scallop? maybe this request is a little too silly… but… genji plush

★ "Don't turn me into a marketable plush!"

i am going FERAL over this ask. i literally was just thinking of that, too, today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GENJI <33 It's okay, nothing is ever "too silly" here :3 reminds me, I think on Etsy you can commission someone to make this kitty Genji plush? Or, I'm tripping.

You figured that you'd want to go get Genji a special gift. He doesn't really mention liking much, other than musing about his early fascination with arcades and his troublemaking antics. Over the course of years and years, he's calmed down, but you do love seeing his more playful sidee shine every once in a while.

You knew that in his line of work, he doesn't expect anything for himself. The most that he could ask is just for someone's happiness and appreciation, that that's it for him to be reminded that—yes, he's doing a good job, and he's doing his best.

When he first acquired his new body, he'd be disappointed in himself; in his newfound form. Blinded by his strong, persuading emotions—there would still be times where he felt as if he didn't deserve someone's kindness. If he were to see someone who mirrored how he was back then, he could not've felt empathy—rather, a digust in seeing a spitting image of himself.

He now understands his worth and value in a greater extent now, with the help of his closest companions, mentor, and everyone... Ah, it still gives him chills whenever he thinks about that whole process again.

You were first interested in his initial reaction towards getting a plush. Would he think of it as merely childish, or would he understand the amount of hours you absolutely slaved over in trying to find the right techniques for it? Only time'll tell.

The idea was cute and simple; as it was merely just a plush. You wondered if he even cared much for plushes, figurines, or anything that he could really display. You knew that with his work as an agent, he is more-than-likely constantly out. It's be cool if he were to be able to at least settle the gift in a place he'd be able to see it every so often, as a gentle lil' reminder of you, but you didn't even know of he even... had a consistent residence.

You persevered, albeit.

After tutorial video after tutorial video on trying to work on a humanoid base for your plush, it became taxing on your hands. Either if you're working with knitting needles, sewing by hand, or machine—it was annoying how you'd prick your finger, trying to aim for the felt to stitch it up; or, the amount of hours that pass by whenever you try out your crocheting skills. It was a simple idea, so why weren't there any simpler methods?

Nights where you'd slump over your desk, fingers all red from the exertion, and your brain tired from all of it. You wanted to do your best for Genji, but it was difficult trying to even find a baseline on where to start with him. How'd you even make his helmet? Nonetheless, the inteicate details to his outfit and weapons?

You didn't want to commission the plush, as you were determined to make it from your own very hands. Through sweat, blood, and tears—you WILL make this thing.

Ultimately, you knew better than to just work and work and work on such a hard project. As much as you wanted to show Genji your utmost appreciation, also in a medium that you'd equally love, you knew that gifting Genji a bundle of stuffing all patched together by mishappen thread wasn't something you should be thinking of.

At the end of the day, you just wanted this idea to get out of your head. You didn't promise a gift to him, rather, you promised one to yourself. You'll get this done, even if it's eating away and nagging at your thoughts. You didn't buy all of those supplies for nothing, after all! Better make that money worth it.

Thinking on the topic of him possibly not being able to display the gift in a convenient position, you did consider making the plush smaller. However, the only issue was was because of the loss of quality that is also brought by with it—since you have to downscale the details, and simplify a few things so that it doesn't look all-too overwhelming.

You decided on making him a little charm. You'd imagine he'd be able to put it on a bracelet or a necklace, or just on whatever—as a little bit of added personalization. There were still the downsides listed prior, but you feel as if you tackled too big of a project for yourself; as it did require both patience in waiting lots, and having a lots of time.

At first, you were lost on really doing this, but ovee time with what you've learnt, you made a little plush charm that could fit into someone's palm! You were awfully proud of the little guy, since as soon as you were done making him and hooking the little chain, you gave it a tiny headpat with your index finger. Well done.

When Genji felt you tap his shoulder, you could tell that there was a smile behind his voice, as he asked what you wanted. He sensed you before then, but wanted to see what you'd do anyways.

You hid the item behind your back, snickering to yourself about what'll ever possibly happen. You guessed it was just from Genji, but gosh, does he make you eager. Even if he's not doing remotely anything in specific.

"What is it? Normally, people do not just laugh at something with their hands like that." He'd point out—thanks Captain Obvious—whilst with that teasing edge to his voice. He'd take a sidestep, a gander at what you may have, and then you try to cover it up.

"Be patient! Isn't that your whole thing?"

You then would sigh, as he made a mocking motion with his hands; mimicking how a sock puppet would speak. Upon making the comment on how he must not want his gift after all, he then shakes his head affectionately with a gentle tsk.

Once you then clasped your hands over the charm, you brought it out in front of you. When you released them, and showing him the little plush, he couldn't help but laugh at how adorable the thought was. He'd look up and down, judging by how he moved his head—since you cannot really see his eyes—nonverbally asking you if he could pick it up. You allowed him, and he then held the little guy in between his thumb and index.

"It's a pocket you." You explained, sounding dumb but you didn't care. Genji was busy squishing it, and playing with the keychain. "You're a father now."

He hated how he was just so giggly today. With an eye roll, you knew him enough to tell that, he then pockets the object in his hoodie. You were glad he liked it so much. "I'll take great care of my new son, don't worry."

The next day, whenever you went out to get a breath of fresh air—you saw Genji, sparring his sword against some practice dummies set up around the site. You wished you would've said more previously to him, that you made the gift out of appreciation for the ninja—but seeing how he had the accessory pinned on his hand, a place where he'd always have it... It spoke volumes.

[baeshijima]

wowee it's really 2025, huh... we all know what time that means :D

to start off, i just wanted to say: if you're reading this now, i'm proud of you for making it to the new year. i probably said something like this in my last new years post, but it still holds true. this year has definitely been a tough one for many different people, and for many different reasons. just like any other year, we have all had our own difficulties to overcome but, regardless of how major or minor you believe these hardships to be, that doesn't take away the courage it took for you to press on and be here right now. thank you for not giving up and persevering through another year <3

as for me, i want to thank everyone for being here with me in 2024. my activity has been up and down this year (stares at uni. and also when i was away for like the whole summer,,,), but thank you for still sticking by me up to today. regardless of whether you're an older or newer follower, a friend i've had for a long while or one i've made recently, someone who regularly interacts or someone who chooses to quietly follow along, i'm glad we have seen the end of this year together !! here's to another year with more fics and brainrots <33

happy new year everyone !! i sincerely wish for all of your health and happiness in this next year to be plentiful, as well as the many years to follow o(●'◡'●)o

[milkywaydrabbles]

Number 15 for Alucard, it'd be so cute!

A/N: I don't think this is the fluff you were expecting LOL I promise it's a happy ending but the angst took over. In case you (or anyone else) was wondering the song is Cherry Wine by Hozier (i'm in my feels right now about this man I'm sorry) Anyways I hope you like it mwuaaah

"Sing to me again" x Alucard

Fight.

Attack.

Defend.

Alucard couldn’t think of anything except you and the baby while he was on the front line. The village had been so peaceful, for long he nearly forgot there were still monsters crawling around in the world. The stragglers that had grown stronger, the ones who persevered throughout the days, weeks, months. The stragglers that had already killed some of the makeshift infantrymen, the ones who have had nothing but time on their hands and are so hungry they see red. The stragglers that had Alucard running out to defend the village while you stay hidden away deep in the castle, barricaded and locked behind the safety of your shared home. They were evolved, instantly locking onto the dhampir who was the strongest amongst the men, bloodied grins widening: teeth sharp as blades that could tear through muscle and sinew with ease.  Alucard steadied himself, gripping a little tighter onto his shield and sword, kissing its hilt and imagining your sweet face, the sweet face of his newborn daughter, and lunged.

-

You were frantic, trying so hard to stay calm if only for your energy not to be poured into the babe huffing and crying in your arms. You’d been trying to put her to bed, but how could she? How could she sleep when she felt your panic, your anxiety pulsing into the very air she breathed in? How could she sleep when your soothing rocking was more jarring than anything, your voice shaky as you shushed her? How could you ever expect her to calm her sorrows when, if you tried hard enough, you heard the incessant howls and screeches from the deadly monsters outside castle walls.  You prayed, you prayed to all the deities and gods that could ever possibly exist to bring your Adrian back home. You’d never worry like this, he’s so strong, fending off the monsters with ease. But you’d never seen him so nervous like this either: having the heavy knocks of men on the castle doors begging for saving. The sheer strength of the creatures overwhelming them. 

What felt like days passed, it could have been a few minutes, it could have been a few hours. You’re not sure, you and your daughter going in and out of sleep, waking at every creak and bang that was heard. You shushed and cooed, steadying yourself the best you could to maybe sing a lullaby to your darling girl. “Shh, shh, I know sweet pea--I miss him too. But he’ll be safe, he’ll come back..” You whispered, kissing her forehead as a tiny hand balled into a fist rubbed at scrunched up eyes. 

Her eyes and words are so icy oh, but she burns like rum on the fire. Hot and fast and angry as she can be, I walk my days on a wire. 

It looks ugly, but it’s clean, oh momma don’t fuss over me.

Way she tells me I’m hers, and she’s mine. Open hand or closed fist, would be fine. The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

The cries lulled to a few whines and whimpers, holding her to your chest as you continued your hushed tones.

Calls of guilty thrown at me, all while she stains the sheets of some other. Thrown at me so powerfully just like, she throws the arm of her brother.

But I want it, it’s a crime, that she’s not around most of the time.

Way she tells me I’m hers, and she’s mine. Open hand or closed fist, would be fine. The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

Singing has calmed you enough to keep a gentle bounce, baby slowly falling asleep in your arms. You internally sighed, thankful that at least the immediate worry of your child has been quelled. 

Now all you can do is wait for your beloved.

-

Alucard ended the life of the final monster, hearing the victorious cries and hollers of the villagemen around him. He was grateful the battle had ended, retreating quickly to your shared home, finally able to hold you in his arms. Slowly, he opened the doors, knowing any sudden movements could stir his (hopefully) sleeping baby girl. He didn’t want to increase your stress, already guilty that he had to leave you in disarray. He made his way to the room he’d left you in, sure you’d still be in there: the nursery. The very nursery that you two built with your own hands, right next to his old bedroom.

Just like Vlad and Lisa.

 As Alucard got closer, he heard small hiccups and babbles from his daughter, along with the soft singing coming from you. He recognized the song, a song you’d often sing to yourself when you thought he wasn’t listening. The same song you’d sing into his hair when he was half asleep. He pressed the door open, his heart stopping at the very sight of you whispering the song into your daughter’s fluffy mess of a head, eyes closed. You hadn’t noticed him, and he was grateful. He wanted to just take in the moment, all panic and anxiety of constantly thinking that something might have happened, that something might have gotten through the castle, all quelled the moment he saw you both. 

He let you finish, giving you a moment before softly knocking on the door, your eyes darting to him immediately, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. “Adrian..” You whispered, voice heavy. He crossed the threshold, kneeling at your feet and holding you both without disturbing the sweet babe. “Oh thank god you’re safe.” You did your best not to cry, you really did, not realizing just how scared you were for his safety. But he was alive and well and back in your arms. “I’m here now, love, I’ll keep you both safe always.” He whispered into your hair, looking down at his baby with adoration. 

“I heard you singing, love.” You hummed, calm enough now to put your girl down in her crib. The moment you sat back down though, Alucard’s head rested on your lap, hugging at your legs. You pet his hair, combing your fingers through the blond tresses. You hummed the melody of the song to him as his eyes fluttered close, breathing even. By the end you’d thought he’d already falling asleep, instead he spoke a whisper: “My darling, will you sing to me again?” Your heart clenched, and with a smile you responded:

“As long as you keep coming home to us, I’ll sing to you every day.”

[queenlilithprime]

Happy Pride

Mirrors are a reflection of oneself, and upon reflection of my identity I find pride.

I am disabled, that is my biggest point of pride. I am trans, another massive point of pride. I'm non-binary, yet another point of pride. I'm Aromantic, Asexual, Agender, all points of pride. And at the end of the day, I love who I am. I have pride in the identity I have found.

My struggles with identity and this art below the cut!

I actually struggled a bit with this piece, drawing myself. Most of my sona's have long hair, but at the moment I have a buzz-cut due to health issues. It was a difficult decision to draw myself as I am, with my headscarf and my buzz-cut. To draw my body closer to what I look like in real life than before.

I'm sure I've mentioned it but I am fat, I'm not just chubby or curvy, I am fat. It's not easy for me to say but I am. However, this is the same body that has persevered through my disability, and this is the frame that managed to survive. This is the weight my body will stay at.

Another struggle for me is depicting my chest accurately. I have a very large chest and as someone who doesn't want my large chest, it's a struggle. It's something I know is a massive reason I'm an attractive person, but it also kills me inside to always be seen as a woman because of it.

My body is naturally extremely curvy, I've always had a small waist and large chest/bottom. It's someone else's dream body for sure. But for me? Yeah I'm attractive but I don't feel comfortable in the mirror.

I know I'm pretty. But I have dysphoria. This isn't my body. Y'know?

I think it ties into my disability as well. I can't actively change my body, I can't work out, I can't diet, I can't get surgeries or go on hormones.

I'm stuck.

Stuck with a body that is deteriorating faster than most. Yet I still need to love it so that I can survive just that much longer.

It's definitely a... Task. To love myself despite my dysphoria and my disability, but it's slowly happening. I'm loving the weight on my bones because I know why my body retains the weight. I'm loving my poor joints that struggle to function most days. I'm loving the legs that will never carry me on runs again. That will never jump again.

It's okay.

I'm 22 years old, wheelchair bound, with dysphoria that kicks my ass every time I peek in the mirror. But I can still love and appreciate my body for working the way it does to keep me alive.

I do have pride.

Even if it's hard, I have pride.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

✨ The space-loving scientist S/O [with a lovely sunshine personality] mysteriously disappeared one night, they're never to be seen ever again, that is until after so many years suddenly a spaceship crashes into a forest near their home in the middle of the night. When skelly comes to investigate, finally... He saw S/O... Injured and large scars all over, on their face and body, ones old and new, they looked so SO exhausted, their body trembles, dark eye bags under their eyes but as S/O stood up, their eyes widens in shock yet light up happily upon seeing skelly. Despite that they were hurt badly, blood dripping and body aching, it was hard to move, although, they couldn't care less at all, the love of their life they've been deeply longing for was in front of them even if so much time has passed, they ran, or at least tried to with the state that they're in, limping and reaching towards skelly sobbing... Skelly allows S/O to hug him, they both fell and broke down, S/O then muttered "My l-love...I-I'm finally home.." and quietly apologizing for everything...

S/O later explains that they were kidnapped by terrible and horrible aliens after accidentally wandering into their territory at night and forced to be their test subject and slave as punishment, spending such a long time being tortured constantly, forced to do terrible things for them and things they didn't want to do, however, S/O persevered, knowing that if S/O gave up and died then only the shitty aliens would win so they tried so hard and fought back that turned the situation into an endless war, surviving through it all, changing the sweet and kind sunshine who dreamt of reaching the stars to a tired soldier... All they ever thought of and dreamt was only to come back home, reuniting with their love...

[Hi!!! I apologize for writing this so long but I just had to tell ever detail because this idea had been stirring inside and rotting my brain with soo much angst! XD]

Undertale Sans - He's horrified. Honestly, he just assumed he did something wrong all these years that made you run away, he could never imagined, well, that. First, he teleports you to the hospital, then he warns Asgore because, uh, that seems like a serious situation a King should know about you know. He's not leaving your side after this, simply holding your hand as you recover. He doesn't know what more he can do to help, but at least, he can listen and be here for you. He won't stop apologizing for not being there when you needed it, even though he can't really go to space so there's not much he could do.

Undertale Papyrus - He's completely in shock. Papyrus assured everyone you were alive and didn't stop looking after you all these years, even though his brother and Undyne told him he was just hurting himself for nothing. Turns out he was right all along and just didn't think to check space, silly him. Welp, that happened. Sometimes everyone thinks you're dead, sometimes you get kidnapped by aliens. That's life. Now that it's over, everyone can turn the page and never leave again because he's now full of insecurities and literally terrified you will never get home when you go get groceries :D But he's fine, he hides it very well (no).

Underswap Sans - Omg. You fought aliens all this time and he was not there to see this. He's jealous, well, not too much of the "I was a lab rat part" but all the other sides. You went into space, and you beat up aliens! Is your spaceship still working? He wants to beat up aliens too! He's glad you're back home, and he won't stop asking questions. He has trouble understanding you need to recover from all this and that talking that much about this traumatizing experience is definitely not helping.

Underswap Papyrus - He breaks down in your arms. He doesn't care what happened, he's just so happy. He got confused after you disappeared, than angry, then sad, then depressed and he was very close from falling down because he couldn't understand why you left. He kept believing, just a little, that maybe you would come home someday, and he's so glad you did eventually. He's horrified when he learns you got basically tortured for years, but he is also in awe about how you managed to go home by yourself. He won't stop crying for a few weeks. He needs to recover as well.

Underfell Sans - He doesn't even know what to say. He grew angry after you, thinking you gave up on him like many before you and that he got tricked into a false feeling of security once again. But now you're back, and apparently, it's all his fault because he didn't think even one second you might have been kidnapped by aliens. He thought about a car accident or something but your car had been found unscathed after a while, he thought of a kidnapping but Edge assured him none of his rivals were in town when it happened, so he just assumed you left. He's not sure how to feel about all of this, he needs some time to think.

Underfell Papyrus - He falls completely silent. He searched for you everywhere. He thought you died somewhere and that he would never see you again. He mourned you. And now you're just... back? He lived the all thing like a giant failure because he wasn't there to protect you and he thought that maybe you got kidnapped and died all alone somewhere. Well, learning you got kidnapped by aliens doesn't help him to feel better, because he felt like it was his role to protect you, and he couldn't prevent this. He's glad you're home, but he is full of insecurities now, wondering if he's the right fit for you if he can't even protect you from something like this.

Horrortale Sans - Oh he was not worried. Willow kept telling him you were gone forever, but he could feel in his soul it was not true and he just kept forgetting you were gone for four years until you actually come back out of nowhere. He's just happy he got his S/O's back, purring like you left the house yesterday. He knew you would come back.

Horrortale Papyrus - Well that's awkward. You landed right next to the tomb he made for you in the forest, right next to Undyne's and Alphys' ones (that was supposed to not exist by the way because Monsterkind refused to give them tombs). Willow just thought it would be nice to have a place to remember you, since there was not really a body to mourn. He's now completely in shock, unsure if you are a ghost or no. Well, there's the spaceship, sure, but, that's a bit unbelievable. He doesn't even know what to say. He's happy, sure, but that doesn't feel real at all for him.

Swapfell Sans - He was really happy to discover you're actually alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere. Well, at least until you tell him you got abducted by aliens. Nox suddenly falls silent, then keeps looking between your face and your stomach. Nah man, that's too much for him. He runs home like the devil is chasing him and locks all the doors and windows. If your stomach needs to explode and deliver some random alien baby that will eat everyone, do it outside. He doesn't want to know. It will take three days to convince him you are in fact not infested with an alien parasite. He still doesn't trust you, but he tolerates you inside lol.

Swapfell Papyrus - Well the Rus you knew is not the same. After you disappeared, he kinda gave up on everything and lost the will to do anything. Instead, you meet with his brother, who is both terrified of you and relieved. When you go to see Rus, he thinks you're a hallucination and completely ignores you, and he will for a good month before realizing you're here to stay and sometime later that you're actually real. Little step by little step.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He's not sure is believing you, despite the spaceship. It's not that he doesn't want to believe you, but it seems too big to believe, and it feels like you're searching for an apology for giving up on him. Wine has trust issues and won't be fully the same anymore, even if he'll forgive you eventually and accept that something crazy actually happened to you. It's just... It still hurts. He struggles to forget the few years without you.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Unfortunately, Wine finds you first. Wine is NOT happy you abandoned his precious baby brother and before you can even say a word, he attacks you lol. How dare you come back after all these years? Don't you know how much you hurt Coffee? Like hell he's letting you get close again! Eventually, he'll calm down, but not after beating the living hell out of you. First he hits, then he tries to understand. Well, that's very awkward when he realizes he had beaten you for something you're not really responsible for... At least Coffee is happy to see you. He won't let you go ever again. Poor guy is even more scared of being abandoned now.

Special mentions:

Horrorswap Papyrus - He's so relieved you're alright. He never stopped believing you would come home, despite everyone saying it's hopeless. He just knows. When he learns you got tortured for a few years though, he can't stop apologizing for you. The guy quite know the feeling, and he's so sorry you had to experience it as well. At least you two can try to recover together now. He's glad you're home.

Outertale Sans - Ah. First time? That happens. Those aliens are quite curious you know. Maybe next time take a beacon with you so, you know, he doesn't get worried and just knows you're actually just having a party with a random species? Ah, you got tortured? Ah... Uh... He looks at his feet and doesn't dare to meet your eyes again. Yeah, he forgot aliens could do that too.

[milliesfishes]

pleaseeeee do billy with a reader who wants to be a writer/singer/ any type of artist (your choice!!) but her family pushes her to do something more traditional like an engineer or doctor or a lawyer

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓻(𝓶𝓸𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓷 𝓪𝓾)𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝓯𝓮𝓶 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝔁 𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓴𝓲𝓭

Your voice was unrivaled in Billy's opinion, rich as a nightingale's smooth as the glassy surface of a lake. He'd spent many an evening in the front row of your performance settings, unable to control his grin as he watched you light up the room with your talent.

It was a slice of heaven. You were radiant when you sang, decorating the space of time with whatever melody lifted your voice. Evidently clear, you were at your happiest when the stage lights were on you, ears perked to take in your song.

As your man, he had special rights when it came to shows, being ushered backstage to meet you as you walked off. You would run to him first always, jumping into his arms with the applause-driven adrenaline fresh in your body. Giggling, you would ask him if he liked it, genuinely wondering. He never lied to you- he had never seen a bad performance by you.

So great was your talent that people with important names and good connections came to scout you, determining whether or not they wanted you on their roster. The answer was nearly always yes- you had a bevy of business cards in your side drawer, just begging to be indulged in. Billy tried to push you into it- he knew it was your dream.

But the disapproving opinions of your family always put an end to any hoping. They supported your talent, recognized that you loved it. But whenever the conversation turned to making a career out of your voice, everything was shot down. The first time it had happened, you'd been starry eyed and hopeful, sure that they would be happy that you'd found the thing you wanted to do most.

Later that night you had called him crying. singing for a paycheck wasn't practical, they said. It was fine to do it for fun or in church, but otherwise you should focus on more serious pursuits. A steady career would do you good. He'd stayed on the line with you for hours, assuring you that it had nothing to do with how good you were. In a misguided way, they were trying to protect you from rejection, from the cruelties that came with being an artist.

Still, you persevered. He was proud of you and how despite objections you continued to perform, earning money in that way along with your day job. Still, you were cautious about contacting any of the agents who approached you gushing after a show.

"The thing is," you told Billy one night in bed, head in his lap after an hour-long performance, eyes closed as he ran his fingers through your hair soothingly. "The chances of me failing are a lot smaller if I use an agency. Even if I have to wait out success, that wouldn't be so bad."

Opening your eyes, you stared up at him, a new kind of determination reflected in you. "I think I'm going to call one of them, Billy. This is what I want to do."

He was quiet for a moment, fingers stilling against your scalp. You seemed to hold your breath, waiting anxiously for his response. Would he reject you like you were used to? You braced yourself for the sting of sharp words.

But instead he leaned down, brushing his lips against your head. One hand framed the side of your face, and he smiled down at you. "If it's what you want, then I'm with you."

Relief crashed over you, and you sat up, arms flying around his neck. "Thank you." He nosed a kiss into your hair, cuddling you close.

"No need to thank me. 's my job ain't it? I'll always be your biggest fan," he murmured, swaying back and forth. "Whatever's up ahead, I've gotcha baby. You're always gonna have me."

[peachyvillian]

I NEED TO KNOW YOUR TRUDY/KELSEY THOUGHTS (if you have any also i'm insane about them uhuhuhhh i need to draw them more-says the guy who drew two applepie pieces in a day)

i am so fucking normal about apple pie (lie) more evilness under the cut

but like. ok these will be mixed and thoughts that are not entirely put together but things i just wholeheartedly enjoy from the small things i picked up.

likei personally. platonic or not platonic at all, really enjoyed the way kelsey, even before finding out she was a robot, was a figure of encouragement when it came to independence??? like fuck me. she is such a supportive person just generally when it comes to her even before any of that came to light .YES she knew your husband was trash trudy , YES she will be filling his role in estimated ~1 minute.

and i really think that something in trudy’s brain fucking!!! explodes when she sees her!!! like kelsey is a figure whos still unmarried (whereas trudy been programmed to only find ‘ solace’ with tucker),and kelseys freedom and spirit is so fucking familiar to her because of og trudy, and it attracts trudy to her so much because trudy sees she can still have this calling and passion (in this case teaching) without the pressures of having to keep up in this picture perfect image of herself and i think trudy is genuinely just. baffled by this idea and completely enamored by it. i just love her journey finding that herself and kelsey being someone to support her through that ok im NORMAL. go A for Awakening

and kelseys fucking “if you were a man, id think about kissing you” or “if you need, you can use my landline to call that number” or her general EVERYTHING in the most recent episode when trying to convince them that trudy was a goddess ??? its okay to say you just wanted to be unnormal over a pretty woman ok. everyone does sometimes(i say gripping the dirt under kamonwan) and i think kelsey just thinks trudy is amazing. i think shes amazed with how much shes persevered and i think she is UNNORMAL about trudy ok. dont think i dont notice MATT ARNOLD.

i have so many thoughts i literally cannot be coherent about because i have so many more like beliefs. and shit about their dynamic. theyre encouraging theyre happy theyre CRAZY. yes kelsey helps fix trudys wires yes she assists her with finding her footing and learning how to drive again like how og trudy fucking loved!!! yes they floor it right into the trout residence and tucker gets ran over specifically (oops) yes kelsey will let her talk about how much of a baddie moth jesus is but then again when is he never. YEAH. SO. YEAH. IM NORMAL ABOUT THEM AND THEYRE NORMAL ABOUT EACHOTHER (mutual pining of a woman who accepted zhuuzel into her heart and one who has flashed her brain to people in her bowling team)

anyway here are songs i think are . nice for this loosely maybe ill make a playlist if im feeling it

[obae-me]

Hi! This is a submission for the practice prompts! For the hurt/comfort trope maybe Mc went to the human world and cant go back to the devildom like in the first game and they called all the brothers and the brothers had it on speaker and throughout their talk mc says i miss you guys and their voice cracks and they start crying and the brothers get emotional and some start crying while others comfort mc and tell them that they’ll see them soon enough.

Also don’t push your self to much! The brain will work when it wants to lol, in the mean time don’t forget to take care of yourself!

Ah, this is such a good idea (and a sad one, poor mc). Thank you for the blurb prompt, and don't worry, we're working on self care this year!

--

Another black mark through another square. The ink from the pen crossed off another day. Physical calendars hadn't always been their thing, but ever since they came back... well... something about marking off the days one-by-one helped ground them. This wasn't a dream. This was real.

Funny, wasn't it? How just one year in the Devildom made that place feel like reality, like home. And now, up in the human world, the place they'd been essentially their entire life, everything felt off.

To make matters worse, Diavolo was limiting contact between them all. Phone calls were getting less frequent, scheduled visits further and further apart. The prince said it was due to humans needing to live their own lives, and the less the realm was disturbed by demons, the better. It was torture.

It was...lonely.

The sound of the phone ringing snapped them out of their thoughts, clicking the pen shut before racing over to where they'd left their device on the kitchen counter.

It was them.

The call was clicked open, a chorus of voices ringing through, almost making MC's ears ring. They chuckled, feeling their heart flutter and break all at the same time. But they persevered, smiling, putting the call on speakerphone and setting the phone back down on the table, sitting in the seat and leaning forward on their elbows.

"MC!"

"Heya!"

"Hi, hun!"

"Yo."

"How are you?"

"It's nice to hear your voice."

"Sleeping okay?"

The words caught in their throat before they managed to speak. "I'm fine. Just...adjusting." Some sharp lump suddenly formed in their throat, warmth pooling from their eyes and dripping down their cheeks silently. "I-" Their voice cracked, every voice on the other line falling into silence. "I miss you so much," they finally finished, the dam on their emotions breaking as their chest began to hitch as they sobbed quietly behind their hands. "Take me home. I want to go home."

Still unresponsive on the other end. But if they listened closely enough, they could've sworn they heard sniffs echo their own. Mammon's voice finally broke through. "H-Hey, none of that, okay?! Whaddya think you're doing, getting all emotional and stuff? This call was supposed to make you happy, yeah? So... stop it, ya hear? No more cryin'..."

A deeper, calmer voice took over. "Mammon is right. Let us not shed tears over something like this. We won't be apart forever."

Another voice hummed in agreement. "That's right. We'll see you soon, MC. Just hold out for a little longer, okay?"

"We can't wait to see you again."

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 28: The Sparks Brothers

I'm not a movie person... So when I do actually rewatch a movie (I mean, even watch it, at ALL, haha) it must really mean that something is up. I mean, well, it also IS a thorough, highly enjoyable and visually appealing movie about a band that I've been so incredibly invested in for the past several months. So maybe it's a surprise that I don't watch it more often actually. Because one beautiful side-effect of seeing it each time was getting an unexpected and very strong surge of motivation to keep on going towards the things that matter to me the most, despite any and all obstacles that could appear on the way. Another side-effect of it is being happy and joyfull and being filled with warm feelings and thoughts for the whole following day at least. Usually up to 3 days afterwards actually.

But ok, of course, what I'm getting at is that the Maels' story is so incredibly inspirational. Seeing how they persevered through all those years and NEVER lost their spirit or their vision, never gave up... is not only moving but also something that reminds me that wow, so much *really* is possible. I spent so many years fully convinced that there are things that I'll never be able to achieve. And sure, some of them are indeed pretty unlikely to happen. But if you told me from even one year ago that I'd be making art daily and not dreading being so much as perceived anywhere in the great world (so, including the internet)... well, I would have not believed it at all. I really mean it when I say that I used to believe that there are things that I'll just never be able to do. It's like it was simply not meant for me to be able do it and have those experiences. And yet...!

There's a lot I owe Sparks and this is one of the biggest things I'll always be grateful for. They really changed my life for the better. Truly nothing else before them reaches the same degree of how much it helped me. And well, I'm saying this on TSB day because this is where this feeling of gratitude and feeling SO lucky becomes the strongest. And the beautiful thing about it all is that they were always just themselves. They had their vision, they knew what they wanted to do and didn't care about how it would be received. Which is such an important and meaningful message to me, I can't even express how huge it is to me to see these two people who only really had themselves and their endurance and got exactly where they wanted to be.

Alright, some less grandiose observations now. Well, let's start with the fact that this was by no means my introduction to Sparks but it still really cemented my love for them even more. I loved being reminded of their whole journey and learning more about it, and even moreso I loved being able to see more of their beautiful brotherly bond and their wonderful personalities. Truly no other people in this whole world make me as happy as them currently. And the brothers' sense of humour hits super close to mine, so this is also a time filled with genuine laughs (I die laughing at the absolutely true Sparks facts at the end EVERY TIME). And since I'm a huge fan of animation and mixed media art and such things, this was simply a joy to view for my more artistically-inclined side too.

And damn, those two hours and 15 minutes really fly by so fast. When I have to arrange a huge timeslot to watch it all in one go, because that's the only way to do it for me, and then it feels like no time has passed anyway. And even with so much being said there, it feels like there's still so much more to get to. But it's still enough to lift my spirits completely for a pretty long time. And to make me cry a lot of the time too... Absolutely impossible to not shed a tear by the end of it all. It's moving, it's funny as heck, it's super fun and it's absolutely beautiful and truly lifechanging. 💖