#but I'm so far past the point in my life where dying was an option so I'm stuck like this

[neverendingford]

.

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

Wardaddy

Summary: Reader finds out she's pregnant  after she lost her title at double or nothing. Will the nickname she jokingly gave her boyfriend “Wardaddy” gain a whole other meaning?  

An: I found this fit in my drafts, wrote it months ago but for some reason never published it? Enjoy, and pls remember to give Wardlow requests in my inbox

Word count: 1132

Main Masterlist Wardlow Masterlist

The internet was a weird place. You always hated the bird app with all of its negativity and BS but here you were scrolling on twitter after you found out why you were trending.  

Your face was shocked when you saw the amount of negative comments regarding your relationship with Wardlow. Sure he was 8 years older than you but for the most part everyone had been supportive of it. It was the AEW locker room who kept trying to set the two of you up for the longest time. You were quite confused on why all of a sudden it was now they were concerned with it. A few months ago you were deemed the power couple of all elite wrestling, on the top of the company both of you holding championships. You had just ended a feud with your real life best friend Britt Baker and her long time boyfriend Adam Cole. 

The fans loved it, mixed tag matches were surprisingly uncommon in aew so when they became a regular occurrence in your feud the fans were quick to eat it all up.

Having had enough of social media for the day you stepped into catering for the first time after losing your championship  two weeks ago at double or nothing. You ran into Britt who had beat you in a no DQ match for the women's championship. 

“Sup, Champ” You called to your friend

“Hey Mama, how’s it going” Britt replied back

“Not much, I'm literally starving. I’ve been oddly hungry the past few days and more bloated than usual.” you said hand on your stomach looking at all of the different options catering had to offer. 

Britt laughed, handing you a plate. The two of you got some food before you found somewhere quiet to eat. Far away from all of the cameras and wrestlers. While you enjoyed your food Britt asked you…

“How’s your shoulder doing?” 

“It can be better, still hurts like a son of a bitch though” you replied, looking down at your shoulder that had been taped together in a million different ways

“Sorry about that again” She apologized knowing she was the cause of your injury

“Why are you sorry, shit happens.” You said a little bit confused on why she kept apologizing. The injury wasn’t even her fault. You were the one that called out the spot with the steps. 

“Medical won’t clear me quite yet, hopefully within the next few weeks or so” you responded oddly calmly, secretly upset you weren't able to compete in the show tonight. 

“Good luck out there tonight, tho. I hope you kick Thunder Rosa’s Ass!” 

“I will don’t worry” Britt responded laughing 

Time skip: 4 weeks later 

“Is it still that bad?” Your boyfriend Wardlow called through the door of your hotel bathroom. 

“I feel like my insides are falling out” you said in agony clutching your stomach as you threw up whatever you had left in your stomach. 

“Can I come in?” he asked nervously 

“No! I'm hideous go away” your words laced with venom as they left your lips. 

The medical staff had finally cleared you to return on this week's episode of Dynamite but your body had other ideas. You felt like you were dying and your poor boyfriend had no idea what to do. He tried his very best and you appreciated it but it came to the point where you just wanted to be alone. You cleaned up and finally stepped out of the bathroom to be greeted by Wardlow. He handed you some fresh clothes. As you were putting on your shirt you looked down at your stomach.

“Did I gain weight” you said as you looked in the mirror

“I think you look fine Y/N” Wardlow replied annoyed you would ask such a question 

“No honestly, I think I did” 

“Y/N, your probably just bloated” he replied rolling his eyes

“Whatever” you scoffed 

You arrived to the arena, looking and feeling like shit. You decided to stop by the doctor to let them know that you weren't feeling the best, all it took was one of the doctors to look at the dark circles under your eyes and pale look in your skin to deem you uncleared for the show tonight. It made you feel like shit, working hard with physios to get your shoulder better only to catch some bug before your return. Thankfully Britt wasn’t booked for the show tonight so the two of you could hang out and watch the show from one of the skyboxes in the arena. 

“So you are still not feeling good?” Britt asked, curiously 

“Yep, I don’t know how this is even possible but I feel like I’m getting worse” You told her truthfully. 

“When was the last time you got your period?” Britt asked, shit, you never even thought about that

“Ummm maybe a few months ago” 

“Have you ever thought that you might be pregnant?” 

“I mean we are careful but that would explain a lot of things”  

“Since we both have nothing to do, how bout we leave the arena, grab a few tests and we can go back to the hotel and see. I’m sure you don’t want to take a test in the locker room with all those nosey people” 

That is exactly what the two of you did, you told your respective partners to meet back at the hotel and let everyone else know that you would be hedging out for the evening. You and Brit ended up getting four different kinds of tests and a few goodies to bring back to the hotel. Unfortunately a fan recognized the two of you at the CVS that just so happened to be next to your hotel. Lying, you said the pregnancy tests were for a segment for the next BTE, now you somehow would have to tell the bucks to include some kind of skit involving pregnancy tests in next week's episode to keep true to your lie. 

Currently you and Britt sat on top of the hotel bed, munching on some chips as you both stared at the blinking screen of the pregnancy test. “How long is this going to take? I feel like we have been sitting here forever” You asked Britt. “According to this it says 5 minutes” Britt responded. 

Just then the test stopped flashing. ‘Pregnant 4-6 weeks’ 

You and Britt had no idea what to say, the two of you in shock at what you were seeing. You were first to break the silence “This has to be wrong. No way I’m pregnant” 

Sure enough you were pregnant. You took 5 more to make sure, all 6 tests saying the same thing. What was Wardlow going to think? 

[champagneher]

— HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU | JEON JUNGKOOK

BASED ON | how can he move on when he is still hopelessly in love with you ? GENRE | f!reader x jungkook, ex!lovers, angst. WARNINGS | a very sad jungkook. I got the photos from the internet - pinterest - please let me know if they are yours, so I can give you credit for them or remove them. | something short i wrote when i was trying to get tickets for taylor, but sadly I couldn't.

Jungkook knew that being in his current situation was all his fault. No matter how much he looked at the ceiling of his room, how much he thought about things, or how much he regretted his actions. It was all done.

He also knew that his heart wasn't the first to break, but this was far beyond that. He felt like it had fallen off his chest and shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor. Unable to pick up the pieces to put it back together again. 

His head kept telling him that it had been months, and it was time to move on. That there were more fish in the water and in a little more time and with more will, all this would be in the past. But his heart... his heart, he couldn't even feel it. Because it wasn't with him anymore, it was always with her. 

He felt like he was going crazy since he wasn't with her anymore, his days passed slowly like an uncomfortable situation that he wanted to escape from all the time, but there was no way out. 

Even at rehearsals with his friends, all he could do was think about her and feel sorry for himself.

"I feel like I'm on automatic, I don't even feel it when I walk anymore. Or talk… or just breath." He muttered, looking at a point in the void in front of him.

Taehyung looked at him with his lips pressed together feeling bad for his friend's situation, but deep inside he couldn't help but want to let out a sigh and tell him that it was all a result of his actions. What he didn't know was that Jungkook already knew, and that was what fucked him up the most. 

"We were all there, bro. It'll pass." Were his only words before patting his shoulder and going to Namjoon.

His actions not only resulted in losing the love of his life, but he also lost the trust of two of his brothers. Namjoon and Jin were very close to you, almost like family. So it was natural for them to be unhappy with him or his presence. Jungkook couldn't care less, he just wanted to stop feeling that way. He wanted her.

When he went out on the street, he couldn't help but close his eyes tightly when he saw a couple walking hand in hand, for it reminded him of the moments he shared with her. 

After months, he knew he was still hopelessly and madly in love with her. 

He had come to the conclusion that there was simply no way to get over her. He was willing to sit and wait for her for the rest of his life if necessary. There was nothing more he could do at that point, he was losing his mind.

She had blocked him from everywhere, every time he tried to dial her number it would just send it to voicemail. When he tried to log into her Instagram, her profile would come up as non-existent for him. Her Facebook and Twitter were no longer on his friends list. Every trace of her had even been removed from his networks. 

Desperately, he had only one option left to communicate and as pathetic as it looked, he was going to use it.

My love,  How have you been? It's been so long... I've spent so much time without you that I feel like I'm dying.  I know that receiving an email from me on a Saturday night where I express everything I've wanted to say to you, just wasn't in your plans. And I know I don’t deserve it, but I have no other way to communicate with you. Your friends have done a great job of hiding you from me, and you have done a great job of removing yourself from all means of communication with me. Let me tell you that I don't blame you at all. I know I made the biggest mistake of my life and believe me I am paying for it.  I know I should have stayed home that night. I know I should have listened to my heart and waited for your call instead of going out with my friends. And I know I should let you go and move on, but I just can't.  How can I let go of the love of my life?  There is no one to blame but myself here. I take responsibility for my actions.  Still, I'm willing to ask on my knees that we can please talk. If only one last time. To ask as a last favor to see your eyes without tears. To be able to be in your presence one more time is all I ask. Listen to my words and if you still want me out of your life forever, then I'll leave... but until I hear it one last time from your lips I'll remain this fool madly in love with you blinded with the hope of still seeing you again and being with you.  I pray to the stars to hear from you. I love you today and always. Hopelessly devoted to you, Jungkook.

[nerdy-talks]

I agree with your opinion and thoughts about Solomon and him asking us to side with humanity... I love solomon, and his ideas and priorities are admirable, really! But I'm pretty sure his ways of execution to reach those ideals and fulfill his goals, for humanity to be seen as a race worthy to be seen as an equal, isn't the only plausible way.

Not to mention that humanity can still be seen as a strong race without us having to hover at each other's throats and without instigating into an all out war. We can still reach a middle ground through our peaceful and understanding approach. Like us giving the grimoire to Lucifer, man was seething at Mc out of worry and fear for his brothers, which was completely understandable, but us handing out the grimoire could possibly give us brownie points into regaining Lucifer's trust back. I'm pretty the MC isn't THAT stupid.

So maybe the MC's approach through peace and trust is better than any of other race's approach, which is guided by their own power, biases, prejudice and preconceived notions, etc...

And sure let's say that Solomon is 100% on our side, the way he acts with us sometimes could really tip off our perspective towards him from good to bad and vice versa. And this man has the balls to warn us about time paradoxes and shi when he chose to make a pact with Asmodeus early than supposed to... you're the strongest sorcerer... just use ur powers to kill the spider bro or summon Barbatos instead early on instead💀 (Lesson 7?)

I apologize for my late response, precious anon! Yesterday was a little hectic, so I didn't see your ask until now ^^"

But I have a LOT to say, so hopefully this long-winded reply makes up for the delay lol

Let me start by saying that I genuinely appreciate your insight and I also agree with you 100%

I feel like there's still so much that hasn't been revealed to us yet, especially regarding Solomon's past. I've already given my own theories thus far, but I am particularly curious why Solomon thinks that war is even a viable option. What makes him feel this way? What exactly caused the last war he fought pretty much on his own?

Potential Spoilers

What I do find interesting is the information we have been given, though.

In 9-A, some of those prejudices and biases are shown when Solomon ends up in what is clearly an illusion of sorts.

And personally... I would absolutely love to debate and counter all of these assumptions and misjudgments.

In comparison to demons and angels... humans may be more prone to illness, injuries, and death. But that's literally what makes us human.

Despite this, I argue that it does not make humans fragile or weak. We are resilient. We rebound and recover from all sorts of terrible experiences. We survive and overcome trauma. We suffer loss yet do our best to keep our heads up. We fight and push forward through life. We may be human, but we are not to be pitied or underestimated.

I also argue the point of humans needing angels to "protect" us. Yes, there are humans who believe in guardian angels because that is what many of us were taught growing up. Humans want to believe in an afterlife, of a peaceful paradise after this life.

But what about humans who don't share those same beliefs? What about tragic events that occur every day where humans end up dying through no fault of their own? What about humans who feel as though God has forsaken them for whatever reason, whether it be due to illness, loss, or other unfortunate circumstances that have negatively impacted them? For those humans, it seems like no angel is looking out for them or "protecting" them.

My first argument to this mindset : What could a demon possibly understand about a human's path in life? That's like us telling Diavolo how to run the Devildom. It's a topic we are completely ignorant of, therefore we have no business calling the shots.

Not only that, but every single human being is different and unique in their own way. While one path may be good for one person, it may be detrimental for the next person. Also.... I believe that sometimes, humans need to lose their way in order to grow and become wiser.

Speaking from personal experience, I became "lost" more than once to the point where I used to cry and wish that it was possible for someone to come save me from the pain I was experiencing at that moment in time. But even if a demon magically appeared and offered to lead me someplace where I'd be able to find happiness... I would be highly skeptical. What is their definition of "happy"? How do they know I even have a chance at finding happiness? Where exactly would they be leading me? What would they want in return?

For argument's sake, I will admit that I may take a demon up on that offer even now. But it would be out of pure curiosity, not because I actually think I'd be able to find happiness. Which leads me to my next point : demons deceive humans with sweet words in order to drag them into the darkness

I have heard this saying and similar ones numerous times before (Luke even said something along the lines of demons using honeyed words to get others to do their bidding), and I feel like it is perfectly accurate in this scenario too.

Diavolo would be promising a lost, confused, and more than likely desperate human the chance to be happy, and all they would have to do is follow him to some unknown place. Seems way too good to be true, in my opinion.

So that's not "helping" humans.... That's confusing them even more and leading them further away from their path in life (at least within the Human World, since it sounds like Diavolo would take them to the Devildom/Hell. Though I'm just speculating there)

Then in 10-A, it is revealed that this illusion was conjured up by "Nightbringer".

Side note : since this is where Barbatos sent Solomon when he teleported him, it makes me question if Barbatos has connections to Nightbringer... or is somehow Nightbringer himself?

Either way, I found this question interesting :

Solomon is convinced that we share his beliefs and viewpoints, that we'll agree with him and help him fight for the sake of humanity despite saying that he is "not trying to make an enemy" out of either demons or angels .... Which as Nightbringer pointed out, is an awfully overconfident statement to make.

I found this both interesting as well as funny.

Solomon is against demons and angels judging humans, yet he is acting like he knows us inside and out. Don't get me wrong, I love Solomon too. But isn't that a bit hypocritical?

He may have a very close connection/relationship to us, but he obviously doesn't know our heart well enough if he honestly believes that we would turn our back on the brothers and support the idea of a war against them.

As you pointed out, anon... Solomon's delusions beliefs definitely tip the scales when it comes to us wondering if he's genuinely on our side or if he has some kind of hidden agenda that he needs our cooperation with in order for it to come to fruition.

And I absolutely agree with you! I don't know if Solomon has become senile in his old age or what, but he really went out of his way to warn us about the dangers of potentially altering the present if we do or say anything untoward.... Yet he goes and makes a pact with Asmo WAY sooner than he was supposed to. Uh, Solomon? What's with the double standards, buddy?

I really hate to say this, but it honestly does make me question if he used the whole "time paradox" spiel as an excuse to precipitate a conflict with Diavolo, Lucifer, and the others... Because Solomon must have known that if any of them found out MC was lying to them or keeping secrets from them, they would react accordingly (and yes, understandably so).

The latter was pretty much proven already, considering Solomon arrived right on time to save MC from Belphie once the brothers found out MC is actually human, then immediately proceeded to take them to a place where he thought they would be safe. It almost seems like it was planned from the start, if you ask me.

Another side note : And let's not forget where Solomon brought us. He was conveniently in reach of a grimoire that could successfully control Lucifer. Who has been wanting to make a pact with Lucifer for a very long time? Solomon. So I'm curious to know if Solomon did indeed plan all of this. If not to start a war, then maybe to try to force a pact with Lucifer? Because Solomon obviously knew that Lucifer was going to pursue MC and himself, hence why he brought MC to the Reaper's Cave (to get a bargaining chip... AKA the grimoire)

Side Note Number 3 : I find it especially interesting that the brothers threatened Solomon to bring MC back safe and sound. Is that because they suspect he might be up to something, too? Maybe they're worried that Solomon may try to use this opportunity to appeal to MC and have them side with him to escalate a war in the past, and that's why they basically used the promise of bodily dismemberment if he doesn't return with MC in the same condition they both left in.

Anyway, onto the next very important part :

I firmly believe the peaceful and understanding approach is the absolute best way to prove that humans are just as formidable as demons and angels.

My main reason for this belief is in regards to something Lucifer said :

It was my own decision that precipitated the war.

MC knows the brothers better than anyone else. I'd even argue that at this point, MC knows the brothers even better than they know themselves.

MC can reach them in ways they aren't expecting, because MC can use their knowledge of the "present day" boys to properly handle them now. This has been shown numerous times already when MC helped them, encouraging them, and comforted them.

Even when MC gave Satan a few little tidbits about cats, it was a special moment between the two. MC knows that present!Satan loves cats, so they knew past!Satan would instantly be fascinated to learn more. Plus... What better way to quell the Avatar of Wrath's anger than an adorable, fluffy, purring little kitty? ^u^

MC also knew that Lucifer wasn't angry when he cast his spell and was lowkey threatening them. Instead, MC knew Lucifer was scared and worried about his brothers, that he didn't want to risk their safety because of some human who's intentions are currently unknown to him.

But I'm starting to get a little off topic here.... Let me go back to the statement Lucifer made.

It was my own decision that precipitated the war.

MC can choose to blindly follow Solomon and side with humanity like he asked them to do, which may potentially lead to a war between humans, demons, and angels.

Or MC can choose to do things their own way.

As I said before, MC knows the brothers better than anyone else. So MC can reason with them and help them understand that MC only wants what is best for them.... Because MC loves them and cares about them (whether that's romantically or in a familial way is up to you, but it still remains true regardless).

And if MC chooses to do things their own way, which I predict is what will happen especially after the whole grimoire incident.... if that choice means that MC will have to go through a series of trials and tribulations, overcome obstacles and hurdles, and use every ounce of energy and effort to find common ground between the three worlds while avoiding war at all costs.... Isn't that the perfect way to prove just how strong, driven, tenacious, and capable humans are?

MC can open the eyes of both angels and demons to exactly what they, a human, can accomplish through sheer determination and willpower.

It can also be a wonderful opportunity to show both Simeon (an angel) and Lucifer (a demon) that MC (a human) is able to accomplish what neither of them did.

It was my own decision that precipitated the war.

Lucifer made choices that resulted in war. MC can make choices to avoid a war.

Simeon regrets not speaking up back then, not reaching out and actively trying to get through to Lucifer. MC can do the opposite. MC can push and fight to prove their loyalty and dedication to the brothers, they can strive to enrich everyone's lives in a peaceful and nurturing way.

Knowing those two, I am absolutely positive that MC will unequivocally earn their respect this way if they choose this path. And if so... Not so weak and fragile after all, eh Simeon?~ ;D

Most importantly :

If MC makes their own choice to deliberately avoid a war/conflict because of their genuine love for the brothers, it will prove that being a human, demon, or angel is completely irrelevant when there is a mutual level of respect and understanding between two (or more) individuals.

Because let's face it.... We all know every one of the brothers is weak for us and will support us in any way they can. Even Mr. GrumpyPants Lucifer has a major soft spot for us. We just need to work towards rebuilding our relationships, strengthening our bonds, and reforging our pacts with them in this timeline.

But I'm sure MC will accomplish that, in their own way, on their own terms ^ᴗ^

[sincerelylivvv]

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary: rafe is at a total loss when he finds out you're sick; the thought of losing you was once something he constantly avoided, but now is the only thing on his mind

warnings: reader is dying, some language, mentions of religion

wordcount: 2,796

a/n: based on the song 'pray' by sam smith. it's not specified exactly what the reader is dying from, but yknow, she is dying. feel free to leave some feedback! if possible, i may write a another part. if you have any requests, send them in! and super sorry if this is hard for anyone to read, if you are uncomfortable, please do not feel the need to continue reading. If you would like to be tagged in any future fics, just let me know. I love all of you

I'm young and I'm foolish, I've made bad decisions I block out the news, turn my back on religion Don't have no degree, I'm somewhat naïve I've made it this far on my own

Rafe Cameron was no stranger to being alone. He learned at a young age that you can't depend on anyone fully; there's always someone wishing ill on you and then waiting to kick you when you're at a low point. Through the years, he's turned to not-so-healthy habits to cope with how shitty his life was. He was young, careless, stupid. But he figured how much shittier can his life actually get? He dropped out of college, his family hated him and even his friends grew to have a certain distaste for him.

He remembers how his family used to attend church on Sunday mornings. When he was a kid, he'd be in a different section of the church with others close to his age. They'd participate in whatever activity was going on at the time and through the couple hours they were there, would be given snacks to keep them from going hungry.

Through all of the poor decisions he's made, he was still content with himself. He made it this far on his own and knew he could go farther if he pushed himself enough. He never was the kind of person that would back down from a challenge. His now? To become someone his father could say he was proud of. Or at least a person that didn't cause distaste within his toxic family.

He thought heavily about leaving the island, thinking a new start would be good for him. A different place with different faces; people who know nothing of him than what he let them know. He could go back to college or maybe start a job straight off the bat, which may be a better option for him due to the circumstances he finds himself in. He doesn't have much money, no one to confide in, and no certain direction to go in.

Until he met you. You were the daughter of a multi-millionaire businessman. Your dad first started out small, starting a mediocre landscaping business, and eventually had the opportunity to go to college. After majoring in both business and communications and secured a job on Wall Street. He then went on to start a chain of five-star hotels located throughout the country, and eventually sold his landscaping business. He met your mom after she applied to work at one of the hotels and the rest is history.

He met you at a party. You and your parents were on vacation and staying in the house your dad bought as a gift for your mom. He remembers how excited and at ease you were, with a cup of the spiked juice in your hand. Your hips were swaying along to the beat of the music, laughs tearing out of your throat in utter joy; and he was captivated as soon as he saw you.

He wished he could say he was the one to go up to you, but that wasn't how it turned out. You and your friends had been walking towards the drinks, which just so happened to be close to where he was standing, and in a complete accident, you knocked his drink out of his hand when walking by him.

"Shit! I am so, so sorry about that," you rush apologetically. "I wasn't watching where I was going, and God everything is kinda swaying right now. I can go grab you another drink-"

"Nah, don't worry about it." He smiles. "Accidents happen. And you look a little past the point of tipsy. No offense."

The laugh that tore out of your throat made his stomach flutter; it was beautiful and graceful and everything he was the exact opposite of. "Trust me; none taken," you grin back.

But lately, that shit ain't been gettin' me higher I lift up my head and the world is on fire There's dread in my heart and fear in my bones And I just don't know what to say

That moment on the beach was the moment he knew he wanted you; forever and always. It was the start of a beautiful and bountiful relationship, which he was by no means accustomed to. He was used to short-lived relationships, more so hookups, so this was all to him.

You caught on to that pretty early on, as hard as Rafe tried with you, he fell a little short sometimes. But he did try really hard, there were just those few key tells he had that made you contemplate whether he had ever been in anything serious before. And eventually, it was brought up in conversation, and just like you had thought, he had never done anything like this before. Not that it bothered you; relationships weren't easy, especially if you were new to them, but you were patient with the boy.

Though he had bad trust issues, he grew to learn how to open up with you. You were there for him no matter what; always so kind and understanding with everything he talked to you about. It was strange for him, unfamiliar. But he was grateful nonetheless.

The day he found out the news hit him like a train. And though he thought he knew what panic attacks were, which maybe he did, he never had one as bad as this. His vision became very narrow with black spots clouding his eyes every now and then, and the world around him was both moving too fast and too slow all at the same time.

It hurt you to tell him, but it hurt him even more knowing there was nothing he could do to help. All you've done for him, and he would never have the chance to give back to you.

You tried your best to stop the sniffles that came from you, desperate to hide the sadness that was written on your face. Your hands cradled his, warm and soft over ones that were rough and brittle, and you gently pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do, Rafe?" Your voice was quiet and calm, and Rafe sat shocked at how you could be so relaxed.

"How are you so…so at ease when you're-" His voice breaks, sobs quickly pouring out from him.

"Oh, Rafe." You maneuver to sit on his lap, thighs on either side of his, and your head now lying on top of his own as his tears wet the sweatshirt you're wearing.

His clammy hands cling to every inch of you, desperate to hold on to you for as long as he could. Maybe if he held you long enough, you wouldn't leave. The both of you would carry on as if you wouldn't be gone in a few months, and the pair of you would do what he dreamed of doing with you.

But that wasn't the case, you would be gone, and a part of him with you. He wondered what he did to have such heartache brought on him, to have the only good thing in his life taken from him and would be forced to move on as if you weren't gone. As if he was still whole.

"It'll be okay, Rafe."

Maybe I'll pray, pray Maybe I'll pray I have never believed in you, no But I'm gonna pray

Rafe never would have thought he'd be back in the church he grew up in. But he thought if there was a God, maybe He would have some empathy and listen. The both of you started going together in the beginning; it took you off guard when he asked you about going, but again, you wanted nothing but to support him. Eventually, you got too sick to go. So, two then became one.

He never prayed so hard. In fact, he never prayed at all. Even when he was forced to go as a child, he never prayed. But he wanted to keep you here and all to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he came to the decision that he never was one for selflessness.

It was after a Sunday service that he thought he'd stop by to see you. Stepping out of his truck, he approaches the door to your house with a fresh bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. First, he heard your dog bark, little Daisy, and then he was met with the warm eyes of your mother.

"Rafe!" The woman exclaims, joy radiating from her body. "Come in, come in," She ushers him inside. "How've you been? Y/F/N told me you were thinking about working for the company."

Rafe nods, "Yeah, we've been talking about it. I guess it'll…I don't know, depend on how I am after-" He stops and the woman in front of him flashes a sad, knowing look.

"Of course," She agrees. "No rush at all. There will always be a place for you. You have my word." She gently pats his shoulder, and all is quiet for a few moments before she makes a 'tsk' sound. "Well, Y/N is in her room, for now. She's been asking to go on a walk around the garden for a while. Maybe you could join us," She proposes.

"Yeah of course," Rafe smiles. "Mind if I go see her?"

Rafe's brow cringes and his shoulders drop. "Yeah," He mumbles. 'I know the feeling,' he thinks.

"Well, best not to keep her waiting." Your mom motions to the steps.

You had been staring out the windows of your room when you heard the light knock on your door, and before you could even speak, Rafe pokes his head into the room. "Mind if I come in?" He grins.

Your tired face lights up upon seeing him, and with rapid nods of your head, Rafe makes his way over to you.

"Pretty flowers," You comment. "Who're they for?"

"A pretty girl," Rafe answers and lands a swift kiss on the crown of your head. He pulls away and smirks cheekily at you. He then bows his head once more and begins peppering light kisses over your face, basking in the giggles that flew from your mouth.

Eventually, he presses one last kiss to your lips before pulling away once more, sitting down the flowers he once held on the nightstand beside the hospital bed your father had put in your room.

He sighs as he sits down in the chair beside you. "How you doing, sweet girl?"

You do your best to shrug, "I'm doing good. A little tired." You try to smile, but Rafe is quick to notice the twinge of pain that briefly crossed your face.

His eyes dance across your face; your color has dulled slightly, and your eyes are heavy and defeated. "I'm sorry," He finally says. "Your mother told me about your walk today, though. That's something to look forward to." He's fast to change the subject, not wanting to think about how bad you're doing and how broken he is at the sight of you. He hates seeing you in such a state; a girl who was once so full of love and life and everything pure in the world was now lying sick in a bed.

You grin a little, "Yeah, I'm excited. I've been dying to get out of this bed." You then wince at your words, "Yikes, bad joke," you attempt to laugh it off upon seeing the flash of pain across your boyfriend's face. "Well, um will you be joining us?"

Rafe chuckles, grabbing onto your hand and rubbing soothing circles on the back of it. "Wouldn't miss it."

I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners When I tried to explain, the words ran away That's why I am stood here today

Rafe knew he wasn't that great of a person; not one anyone would go out on a limb to save, but he still had a sliver of hope that some miracle would save him from the nightmare you and he were facing.

Every night and every Sunday morning, he gave his best shot at asking, begging, God to save you. He always talked about knowing he didn't deserve such a huge ask, but that you, at the very least, deserved something better than this. He would include all the plans he still had with you; proposing and getting married, having kids, spending the holidays with you, but above all, growing old with you.

He hoped that his plea would at least sway someone enough to pull through will a miracle; he had even stated a few times that he would be more than willing to take your place. Just as long as you stay and you're happy.

His pleas of hope and desperation are the only reason he's always stood firm in that church that he hated so much There wasn't enough money in the world to make him go to church, but that was before he met you. And it was sure as hell before the revelation that he was gonna lose you one day and there was nothing he could do about it.

Won't you call me? Can we have a one-on-one, please? Let's talk about freedom Everyone prays in the end Everyone prays in the end

Rafe was beyond angry.

He recently found out from your father that you were only getting worse, and the doctor that had been taking care of you revealed that there wasn't anything more that could really be done

So all that time he spent praying for you? He got nothing out of it.

Sometimes, he thought that it was kind of funny how he once begged his father for things, most small, but never got it, and then had to beg and plead with someone else for your well-being and still didn't get anything.

The most recent night he saw you was the worst. You looked bad before, but now? You looked terrible. Your face began sinking in, arms and body became smaller due to you not eating much. And even when you did, you threw most of it up.

You hardly talked now. You were always somewhat quiet but still knew how to have a loud, breathtaking presence. That wasn't the case anymore, though; you were hardly ever awake, on account of you not having much energy, and when you were, you wouldn't say much. Usually just a quiet 'hi' and then would look out your window.

It killed Rafe to see you in such a state. To not be able to have a conversation like he used to. But he learned that while you may not be willing or able to talk, you still enjoyed listening to him. He told you all about the apartment he was able to get, with the help of the job your father gave him, and how he got a dog he named 'Posie', and even brought in pictures of her to show you. She was an older King Cavalier Charles Spaniel, and almost completely deaf, but he loved her, and so did you. Sometimes, he'd even bring her over for a playdate with Daisy, which always brought a brighter look to your face.

He didn't know what particularly triggered it, but he finally, completely and utterly, broke down. On the floor of his bedroom, heavy breaths and thick tears fell all too quickly. It was the type of crying that went from loud, heart-wrenching sounds to nothing at all. And with all the strength he could muster up, he begged, unknowingly for the last time, for someone to help you. This time, not specifying who, just someone bigger to help the sickness that still plagued you.

'Just a fucking one-on-one, please', He thought over and over again. The mantra was recounted in his head for what felt like forever, until he eventually fell asleep.

That was until he picked up the phone call, in which your mother finally told him you had gotten better, only to finish with the words, 'she passed during the night…in her sleep. I'm so sorry, Rafe.'

tagged: @scenesofobx @casualcloddeputyherring @x-lulu

[thefirstimagifabricator]

ngl anyone claiming to be an aot fan who’s also a Zionist has got to have media literacy skills in the negatives bc,,,,,y’all what 😭

if you, the person reading this, are one such person, I’m begging you to please just read my aot analysis in this post at least. Please.

I just rambled out a thread of posts on twt analyzing Attack on Titan in relation to current events, i.e. rebuking Zionism and condemning Israel’s genocide in Palestine, and I’d like to share it here too

I’ll both copy and paste and format it into proper paragraphs and wtv and also attach screenshots of my original tweets, and maybe link the twt post bc why not—anyway here:

if l ever see an aot fan who's a Zionist I gotta assume they've got zero—no, negative honestly—media literacy skills 💀 bc if you watch aot and still hold views like Zionism then like. like buddy did you even really watch the show,,,,,,

thinking abt this bc I’m listening to the aot osts for the first time in a while and aot is just. such a goddamn well-written and sociopolitically-accurate show...and like. you CANNOT watch it and NOT draw the parallels yk???

yes the treatment of Eldians is written to parallel Jews in the Holocaust—and imo that makes this even more relevant today with the genocide Israel is executing in Palestine, bc of two things:

1) if you stand with Eren and Mikasa and Armin, our main trio, then you stand with their decision to fight back against the Marleyans, and to try to be truly free and not just confined to Paradis, and you understand how they’ve come to their decision to invade Marley and try to take down the main force which keeps them imprisoned on the island of Paradis

2) if you're against Eren’s decision to annihilate the entire world so that no one could threaten Eldians again, then you understand proportionality and how perceived vengeance and preemptive ‘defense’ can easily flip dynamics of oppression on their heads. (I know that Eren's plan was actually to have his friends be portrayed to the world as heroes and people to stop discriminating against Eldians as a result, and he never intended to actually fully wipe out the world population, BUT we don't know that until the end and neither do any of the other characters—their decision to fight against and take down Eren was based in their realizing that he was taking things too far and that what he was doing was unjust and that he needed to be stopped)

Do you see where I'm going with this?? People who stand by Zeke's decision are the ones who would say that Palestinians should just lie down and die quietly. There is a reason why Zeke did not get his way in aot!! One cannot ask for innocents to take suffering quietly just for the preservation of the “peace��� of the lives of those whom are inflicting such suffering on them. A life in supposed peace built on ongoing pain inflicted on others is an inherently violent life, even if from the inside it does not seem to be so.

Zeke conceived of his plan as a product of the guilt drilled into him by Marleyan propaganda, guilt for just existing as an Eldian person. He may have pushed his plan as the most peaceful option available, but it's really just as violent, just in a quieter fashion; if you actually think about it, it's basically eugenics 💀 sterilizing an entire population without their consent, for the purpose of their dying out and leaving the rest of humanity (supposedly) better off??? literally eugenics thought process 🙃

to that one irl idk-if-I-can-consider-you-a-friend-anymore, if you for wtv reason come stalk my tumblr and see this post, yes I did think of you while writing this. I must say I’m terribly disappointed in you; I hope you’ll come around sometime, preferably before we as a society reach a point of irredeemable, irremediable regret, but as I’d presume you’ve figured out already, I’m done putting energy into trying to pull your mind out of the propaganda cesspit.

screenshots of and link to original twt post under cut:

[mybelovedwoo]

Long Journey - Chapter 1: Shadows of the Past

Life hurts a lot, that's just how it is. At least that is what Destiny thought, living a life where living hurts more than dying. But one day everything changes when an unexpected guest appears. What does this long journey hide behind? Will it be worth it to be alive again?

"Sailors tell stories, Pirates make legends!"

ateez pirate au, fluff, angst, smut

??? x named reader

word count: 2.4k

warnings: violence, fighting, guns and weaponry, blood injuries, trauma, smut, sa, pa, abuse specific to this chapter: physical abuse, strong language, injurie, blood

← previous | next → | masterlist

The next day I woke up thinking about if what happened yesterday was real or just a really bad dream. I would rather wish for the first option to be true, but the burning feeling on my right cheek reminds me of last night's happenings.

The rest of the dinner was spent with boring business discussions between my father and the Captain, they talked about hiding something, but I didn't really catch the whole point of it, my mind was still everywhere else but there. The captain and the rest of his crew will come here early tomorrow morning, and for this night the two men will return to their ship, which is in the main port of Albagon. 

My father ordered me to escort our guests, which I did without any words. At the door, they politely bowed for me once more. When they were enough far away, I finally exhaled, it felt like as I was holding my breath back the whole time. And as if he heard my wondering thoughts, the taller man turned around for one last time, and he looked at me again, the first time since the awkward conversation at the dining table. He just stole a glance and carried on his way, but he didn't hide the fact, as if he wanted me to know about it.

After they left I ran straight up to my room, to hide from my father. I don't want to find out if he's mad at me or not, plus he's been drinking wine the whole night, so he's more aggressive than usual.

It's common for me to wake up this early, even before the sun comes up. I like to go for a ride all the way to the stream, past the glade at these times, it helps to clear my head a little. I try to be as quiet as possible, I don't want anyone to catch me sneaking out.

On my way to the stables all I was thinking about why are these men so important to my father. Why is he letting them into his house? And what dirty business can be between them?

The cool air hits my face, and I can feel my cheek burn again, so I start rubbing it as if it helps with it, and all I can see are the frames of the night in front of me.

"Destiny, where are you?" I can hear my father shout from my room, his footsteps are coming closer to my door. Anxiety rushes over me, I've already seen this happening many times, but still, I can't get used to it, I'm still as scared as I was when I was just a little girl.

He bursts into my room, the door almost fell out of its place. My whole body starts to shake unintentionally. But I stay strong as always, if not me, then who else stays strong for me? I get up from my bed and stand straight in front of my father. 

"You ungrateful little bitch. What do you think you can embarrass me in front of others like that? Didn't I tell you to get that crap off your arm?" And the next thing I realized was that he swung his hand towards me and a strong slap hits my face. It stings as hell.

And here I am standing in front of the stable, holding my cheek in my hand. It still hurts a lot, but not as much as my heart. I hesitate to go inside, I don't know why, but the shakes haven't stopped since yesterday, I usually take this better, I've had it worst before. I take a big breath in and out to calm myself and open the heavy door and step inside the slightly warmer place.

"Good morning Percy, how are you today?" I walk up to my beloved horse, pat his side a little and make a hm sound as if I'm expecting him to answer me, but unfortunately, he never does.

"You often talk to animals?" A voice comes from right behind me, and it scares me so much I almost fall over as I turn around to find out where it comes from. Across from me a deep brown-haired boy leans against the wall and looks at me strangely like I'm crazy or something.

"Who are you and what are you doing here creeping behind me?" Should I be concerned about him? I'm here alone with a stranger, even if I try to ask for help it's likely that no one will hear it, everybody is still asleep. That's why Joanne always says to tell at least her where I'm going, what if he tries to murder me. 

"I mean I was here long before you, but if you would have an intimate conversation with your horse I could leave you alone." I don't know if he's joking or not, his face has no emotions written on it.

"Very funny. And you often stalk on girls early in the morning?" I hit back, copying him, trying not to show my emotions either. I can finally see on his face that he got a little embarrassed. I got him.

"A-as I said, I was here way before you. I haven't stalked on you, I only heard you by accident." He stuttered on his words. 

"And what were you doing here if I may ask you?" Now I'm a little more confident, I feel like the advantage is at me.

"I'm Choi Jongho, a crewmember of Captain Kim Hongjoong. The other night, there was a very big storm, and I didn't really want to sleep on the cold, rocking ship, so I figured I would spend the night here." He explains to me. So the Captain's crew is already occupying our house. Although I haven't seen the others yet, I don't know how many there could be, but I doubt that I will be able to avoid so many people.

"Great, it was really nice to meet you Choi Jongho, but I want to be alone for as long as I have the chance before the rest of your crew arrives, so I'm afraid I have to take your bedfellow away." I'm not saying anymore, and don't even give him room to breathe, I'm just leading my horse out there. I gallop away from my house so fast as if I'm not coming back ever again, and I even consider this thought, but quickly pushed it away, it will never happen anyway. 

-

It's around noon when I come back from my little runaway, and the first thing I do is curry Percy, he must be just as tired as I am, if not more. I'm almost done when Joanne comes in quietly to the stable.

"Nini, you really have to stop doing this." She says with a calm voice, almost whispering. To be honest, I kinda hate this nickname, but she's the only one who's calling me that, it sticked with me ever since I was little. "Your father has been looking for you everywhere, I told him I sent you to the market this morning. He wants you to meet with the Captain's crew instantly and lead them around." She's coming closer to me and places her hands on my shoulders.

"Jo, I don't know how much longer I can take this," I confess. I never said this aloud to anyone, but I can't keep it in me any longer. If I do I might break into pieces.

She doesn't say anything, just embraces me in her arms and we stand there for a good five minutes. We don't have much time before my father sends someone else after me.

Walking up to the front of the house, where it all ended yesterday, it's exactly where it starts today. I can see a group of young men standing there, it seems as if they're bickering about something. They look very young, the Captain is also young, but not as much as them, they must be the same age as me. I'm very surprised, I thought there would be more people on a ship, to be honest. And much older and more experienced people.

When I reach them, I clear my throat loudly to be noticed. Now all their eyes are on me, I wasn't fully prepared for this. The shade of the trees helps to block the midday sun, but I still can't look up properly. Despite the big storm last night, today's weather is the complete opposite, but it's quite normal around here.

"Good afternoon gentlemen! My name is Destiny Dempsey, the daughter of Randall Dempsey. I'm here to show you around today." These seven men are standing in front of me, I scan all the new, unfamiliar faces, but I spot one in the back that I've already seen and he searches my gaze inquisitively. The Captain's right hand.

"Oh hi there, animal whisperer." I hear someone say from the side of the group. It's the guy from this morning, what was his name again, I totally forgot it. I hope he didn't tell anyone he met me earlier, if my father finds out that I wasn't in the the town, I'm not the only one in trouble this time.

"You know her?" Seonghwa asks him curiously, stepping closer to us. I'm praying he won't tell the truth.

"In the sta-"  I panicked, so without even thinking, I quickly cut into his words and didn't let him finish, what he wanted to say.

"It's kinda funny that you let one of your crew member stalk on girls. I wonder if the Captain knows about it." All the eyes landed on the young man in question. He tries to explain himself, I can see how embarrassed he got, and I just hope that I got away with it this time.

"So that's where you disappeared this morning, Choi Jongho." A very tall guy, with black hair and with perfect silky skin spoke. That's right, he reminded me of his name once again, Jongho. My name memory is really bad, I can recognize people by their faces better.

"I swear it wasn't intentional." He put his hands up out of frustration, and I admit I felt a little sorry for him. I know what it's like when no one believes you. But it rather be him than me.

"I promise I will talk to him." Seonghwa came up to me and tried to put his hands on my shoulders, it only was supposed to be an empathetic move, but I took a step back. I didn't really mean to, but I have this thing, that I can't accept any physical touch from anyone, except from only one person, and that's Joanne.

It seemed like he acknowledged it because he took a step back too. "Well, I hoped you could take the boys to the town till the Captain finishes his discussion with your father. Maybe, show them around for a bit, in the meantime, they could get a thing or two we need."

"As you wish, Sir." I bowed to him. "Please follow me!" I turned to the others and they more or less listened to me.

-

I took them to the market as they had to buy some things, it was the most convenient because everything can be found in there. The bustle of the place and all the different smells made it difficult to pay attention to the boy next to me, who hadn't shut his mouth once since we left. He was acting as if we were good old friends. The guy on my other side, he talks less but is more hyperactive. From time to time, I can see his gaze wandering here and there, and it's as if he's not even with us, his attention is completely elsewhere. Park Seonghwa hasn't come with us, he had to stay there if the Captain urgently needed him. But he reassured me that I can trust the navigator, Yunho, the very tall guy if anything happens. But what could possibly happen?

We were walking on the busy street of the town square when an old lady came up to us. And the black-haired boy beside me finally stopped talking.

"Oh, my dear. You grew so much, I haven't seen you since your mother tragically passed." I froze. My legs were literally shaking, we don't ever talk about my mother, like ever. I wasn't able to mention her name for years, if I ever tried to I always broke down. But when I was finally ready, my father forbade me to even mention her, along with everyone in the house.

When the lady noticed that I'm not gonna say anything, she continued. "She was the best healer in town, we all miss her so much. Maybe you will follow in her footsteps?" 

"No Miss, I don't do anything like that." I take the courage and answer her.

"Hm, what a shame..." And she is already walking past us, while she's shaking her head. I'm starting to feel like that, not a word that came out of her mouth was genuine, she just wanted to kick me where it hurts the most. I don't even know who this lady was, I've never seen her in my life, at least I don't remember.

"How rude of her!" Says the talkative one next to me. I look at him, and I can see his deep brown eyes staring judgingly up and down at the woman whos disappearing in the distance.

"Wooyoung, you don't have to say everything you think out loud, you know?" Warned him the other one, San, sensing the sudden mood change.

When I regained my consciousness, I look around and noticed that the other boys were simply absorbed, I could not see them anywhere. So far they have been a couple of steps ahead of us. They must not have noticed when we stopped. Luckily Yunho is with them so nothing bad can happen, right?

The next moment was a complete blur. A pistol shot was heard very loudly. All three of us fell to the ground from the sudden noise, and people around us started screaming and panicking. I can taste the dust in my mouth, it's not something pleasant.

"Thief! Thief! Someone get him!" Someone yelled. 

San tried to help me get up from the dirt, but I didn't accept his outstretched hands. I stood up on my own and dusted off my dress.

"What the hell happened to them?" We looked to the way Wooyoung pointed at, and all we can see is all four boys rushing towards us, holding up Jongho, who can hardly stay on his feet. As I see the panic on their faces, my gaze wanders down. It's red, everything is covered in red.

© belongs to mybelovedwoo

note: i'm really excited for the next chapters, oh god. it's gonna get crazy. also, we are slowly meeting new characters.

i'm soo grateful for the comments i got from the previous chapter, you are all so sweet, and you keep me motivated. i love to read all your thoughts, so don't forget to share them this time too.

[napo-leo-art]

Hi! ^^ 7,9 and 24 (Edgy/misc OC ask meme), if it's still a thing, for Levi pretty please!

It is! Thanks for the questions! Let me put it under the cut because it's LOOONG tw: answer #9 briefly talks about suicide ideation

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

I'll focus on design/idea instead of character development for this one! The biggest thing that's changed is that (prior to playing Retribution) I went back to Rebirth to replay things, mostly to jog my memory. Iirc, my first playthrough of Levi had his vendetta against his past self (because of the provided 'I was an idiot'/I hate looking back at myself reason). I still think he has a really strong hatred for 'Sidestep', who he has a complicated idea of (as in: he knows Sidestep is a part of him, but it's easier to think of him as a different person because he was a legitimate hero back then); now though, his hatred is against Herald. It was kind of a choice motivated by seeing how/if that would change the way the romance played out, and ngl I don't really know if it did (played a ton of Retribution, but I don't remember that part). I think it gives better "reason" for him being so unreasonably cruel to Herald, who he barely knows. Ortega and Chen he has history with, and Argent is a very serious threat, so all of those are well-justified imo. Herald being the target of some (extremely unjustified) violent behavior makes the most sense to me if Levi hates him*. *Which in Levi's case is just jealousy and regret gone overboard 9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Oh god, not prior to right now?

Maybe (from the poem "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas, which is by FAR one of my favorite poems)

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night.

.... Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I don't think that the poem as a whole is representative of Levi, but that strong emotion that it sparks in me personally reminds me very deeply of Levi, and of many Sidesteps that choose that one 'I'll tear my skin if I have to' option. Along with the meaning of the entire poem, I think it inspires this passionate emotion counter to the inevitability of death, which is how I view Levi's feeling about dying. He's a tactician, but he doesn't look for any long term plans as a villain because he sees death as the end point of this fight. The point of this thing isn't really what happens to him at the end of it, because he sees it as just the (hopefully powerful) last thrashes of his life. Even surviving a full year as a villain was a big fucking deal to him: it's not like this is really a suicide-by-cop/suicide-by-hero situation, but he doesn't care if he dies and in a way, it's not a negative if he does. It's just expected.

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

A life path that I think about pretty often for most Sidesteps is the idea of one where they decided to trust the Rangers with the re-gene secret. I think (in retrospect) it's way, WAY easier than admitting to being a villain. I'm hoping that the Rangers would have supported Levi through it, and I know that Sidestep has a lot of pretty reasonable fears about the Farm tracking him back down, so it might've been messy.

But let's say he does mention the re-gene secret and the Farm. I imagine that the Rangers (or at least Ortega, maybe Chen?) would have believed him after a little convincing, and then tried to do what they could to obscure his identity as much as possible. Considering he hid his face most of the time, maybe they'd be confident enough about it.

With the tactician and tech-savvy traits he has, I can see him becoming someone they keep hidden away as much as possible- no more public hero duty (which would suit Levi just fine), and he can get all of the praise and fulfillment he needs out of working on Rangers tech and science on the back end.

In this AU, I wonder if he would've confessed to Ortega eventually, or if Ortega would've tried to make a move- it's possible that would've become a relationship, but only after years and years of Levi being coaxed into actually trusting Ortega. I like to think that Argent and Herald do join eventually, and that they're shocked to figure out that Sidestep (the one-time hero) has become hero tech support LMAO.

I do think he'd be happy. Especially with Ortega and Chen supporting and protecting him.

[banazirgalbassi]

I realize that if anyone reads this, they will come at me for my negativity, and seeing all the other peoples' opinions on the latest chapter has proven to me that I am definitely in the minority here, probably even the only one who took it so negatively. But I desperately need to vent somewhere, and I have no one to talk to about this.

If I hadn't been curious to see where the plot is going, I would have dropped BSD entirely at this point, because it's more than I can take, and the heartache is unbearable. For three years my only solace in life has been the character of Fyodor, whom I saw as a role model and admired him for his strong will and endurance.

The reason for this is that I am a person with many chronic illnesses, and to see a manga character who lives with a chronic illness, even such a relatively minor one as anemia and overall weak immune system, has still inspired me so much and pushed me to go on. It didn't even matter if he was a villain or a good guy, just that he was human, physically susceptible to disease and hardships, and that he endured them day to day and still accomplished so much.

It was the contrast between his fragile sickly body and his genius sharp mind that made him such an interesting character for me, one I've grown emotionally attached to and actually worried about his fate. To me his supposed humanity and frail health meant everything, and now I just feel robbed and betrayed knowing that it was all a lie, that he is not physically human, but some immortal indestructible entity that can't be killed and is immune to all wounds and hurts.

My last hope is that it is one of his past lives that is shown in this chapter, and a different body, not the one with which he was born in the present timeline. I am clutching to this one possibility. Please let it be his past incarnation, and he is just a human who remembers all his past lives. Or that somehow he fabricated false memories in his head for Sigma to read, and he is not immortal after all. Even time-travel would be a good option, just not... THIS.

Because that would mean that he was probably never a child, he doesn't require food or drink to stay alive, sleep deprivation or cold weather won't harm him, and he is not afraid of dying. He certainly doesn't suffer from any health conditions, because it's likely that all the cells and organs in his body can constantly regenerate, thus making it impossible to get sick and cease to function. Even if something can kill him, he won't stay dead and would revive sooner or later. That sure explains every strange thing regarding him in the story that I ever wondered about.

If losing a favorite character to death was bad enough, then losing him to immortality is infinitely worse, as much as I'm happy that he's alive.

I was hoping he would somehow be saved and survive the helicopter crash and recover gradually in an ordinary way, I was even prepared to accept his death. But it turns out he never even needed saving in the first place, and nothing ever threatened his life, there was no risk for him to die from the poison injection, no risk from all the wounds and the explosion, and he will grow back that torn arm, if it was even really his. He will just revive and come back to life like nothing happened.

Yes, I'm taking it way too seriously, and I should lighten up, it's just an anime story, and it's just an imaginary character. But he was my reason to get up in the morning and keep struggling. Now this reason is gone, and I'm completely crushed. My heart is broken. My worst fear about Fyodor's backstory reveal has come true. He was my comfort character and my coping mechanism, and now I have nothing left to hold on to.

Nothing suggested to me in the plot so far that he was not human, quite the opposite, I was led to believe that he was a regular person, with all his purposeful mentionings of his bad health and anemic constitution, other characters repeatedly calling him anemic, him saying he was afraid of catching a cold, etc. Now I understand it was all done deliberately to camouflage his true nature, and I should have seen all the subtle hints that I preferred to ignore.

I thought he had a complex and tragic childhood back in Russia that shaped his personality and motives. Now, regardless of what his motives are, all the depth and mystery to his character are actually gone for me, as he stopped being relatable to me altogether. The circumstances of his life are different, his mindset is completely different to ordinary humans, and he is now as far from all my headcanons as can be.

I thought that one of the main themes in BSD was the human struggle, exploring what it means to be human, the human psyche, and the ability to persevere in the face of any hardships with the help of friendship. In the case of an invincible character like this there is nothing to overcome, other than loneliness and boredom throughout the ages, but that, too, is different from what a mortal would experience. Even the overpowered Chuuya is still mortal and faces risks, even the regenerating Atsushi and the self-healing Yosano can still potentially be killed.

Why, of all the characters, Fyodor had to be the one to turn out immortal and inhuman? We already have Lovecraft who is definitely not human, Bram who is arguably not human, as well as Chuuya and Verlaine who are questioning or denying their humanity, but who are eventually proven to be human despite everything. So I hoped that at least Fyodor would be left out of this non-human otherwordly creatures category. Moreover, everything now seems to lead to him being revealed as the Antichrist or the Devil himself, which makes it all the more frustrating.

Here I was, simply hoping for a character I could relate to and symphatize with his daily struggles. Now it all feels like a big joke and a farce. All I thought I knew about him has been a lie from the start, it was just a fable I made up in my head, and I have only myself to blame for it. For taking it too close to my heart, for having such a childish and petty way of thinking, for exagerrating the importance of a fictional character in my life, for overreacting to this whole situation.

Yes, it's all my fault and my personal mental issues for which I need to seek professional help, I am aware of that. I will just have to learn to live with this pain and utter emptiness, the hole in my heart where there used to be some hope and comfort.

P.S. I sincerely apologize for all the harsh words and my bad attitude, and I hope it didn't trigger anyone too much. I will probably delete this post later.

And I know that I'm just jumping to conclusions and being judgemental when a huge part of the plot is still unrevealed, and I will be the happiest person in the world to be proven wrong in subsequent chapters, but so far I have the feeling that not much will play out differently to these assumptions.

[projectmachina]

Chapter 0: The End is Where We Begin

Word count: 528

“So…this is it.” Lance spoke in a low and exhausted tone. His body was cold, yet at the same time cried out with bursts of explosive pain.

The world around him was stark white. Filled to the brim with utter nothingness.

And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he was feeling a single emotion. Dread.

Everything he had ever done had led up to this point in time. Lead to his eventual death, after managing to skate past it by the skin of his teeth so many times.

Yet, he couldn't help but feel like he had failed in some way. Or more exactly, he had failed in living a long life. Instead he was suffering the consequences of losing the biggest battle he had ever been a part of.

“Have you really forgotten the reason you've done all of this? Why you allowed us to get this far?” An all to familiar voice pushed itself into the timeless realm he found himself in.

Having succeeded in earning his attention. Lance glanced askance in the direction of the voice. His eyes widening at who he saw there.

“Septum…?” He questioned not believing what he was seeing. Lance had assumed where he was in the afterlife. A place he assumed was to be his own solitary hell. Yet instead of being completely alone. Septum was here. Had he died as well?

“I'm not dead yet. At least, not the version of me that's currently fighting her.” Septum answered the unspoken question.

“Version of you?” Lance questioned frowning as he tried to make sense of it all.

“I forgot that dying messes with your brain. Especially the parts that allow you to understand, or remember what we had set in place. What we had agreed on sacrificing.” Septum spoke simply, as he stared down the man he considered to be the smartest living human being.

“Are you dead…?” Lance questioned. It was the only thing that made sense for him to be here.

“I've been dead since the world was rewritten. The version of me that exists in the new world. Is the version created for that world.” Septum would start before raising his hand in a stopping gesture. “But before we delve into that mess. Tell me. How much of the past do you remember?”

“Not much of it. I remember bits and pieces.” Lance admitted looking around the void.

“In order for this to work. You will need to remember your past.” He said, holding out a gloved hand.

“For what to work?”

“The plan you designed.” Septum said plainly. “Now take my hand and remember.”

It all sounded familiar, yet all of it seemed nonsensical. Felt like it too. But seeing that there wasn't really any other option. He had to trust the words that Septum was saying. Even if it meant risking what was left of his life.

Without uttering another word, Lance clasped Septum's hand in his own metallic hand. Then everything went black in an instant, no sound, no feeling, no nothing.

Until he opened his eyes and found himself in a very familiar, yet unfamiliar city.

      Project Machina.

[moremaybank]

hello can you do some headcanons where yandere klaus and his girlfriend had a fight and she ignores him for days and klaus is desperate and will do anything to reconcile with her

klaus trying to reconcile with you after a fight...

a/n: kinda long, sorry lmao. gf!reader. also didn't realize it said yandere!klaus until after i finished writing so let me know if you want me to do another one with yandere!klaus

klaus masterlist

to say klaus was losing his mind was a gross understatement

you two had a fight

a huge one

you stormed out of the compound, barely being able to look him in the eye

and that has remained true over the past week

any time klaus even laid eyes on you - when you walked past him in rousseau's, when rebekah invited you over to the compound for drinks and a girl's night, even when you came to babysit hope - you couldn't look at him

or rather you wouldn't

as far as you were concerned, you had nothing to say to klaus

you felt bad for ignoring him, but not quite bad enough

klaus on the other hand felt like he had everything to say to you

and lord did he try

he left you nearly a hundred voicemails, all of which were ignored

he had come to realize that you weren't gonna sit and listen to what he had to say, so he tried to come up with other ways to at least convince you to be in the same room as him

you were sitting on a couch in the compound, holding baby hope in your arms as you pressed kisses all over her face, making her babble with an adorable toothless grin

klaus entered the room, a bouquet of roses in hand, along with beingnets from the pastry shop he introduced you to

he knew they were your favourite and even if it wouldn't fix everything, he thought it'd be a start

klaus stepped in front of you, "how are my two favourite girls doing?"

refusing to give in, you kept your gaze on hope

"did you hear something, babygirl? no? neither did i," you cooed as you stood up and walked out of the room, leaving klaus alone with a defeated look on his face

okay, back to the drawing board

he sees you getting ready for a night out with rebekah, hayley and freya

body clad in a gorgeous mini dress, makeup and hair done flawlessly

you look gorgeous, and he can't help himself

"you look beautiful. are you sure you won't need me to fight off the idiots that try to pursue you?"

he gives you his signature smirk, hoping his joke will at least get you to crack a smile, but he is sorely disappointed when you roll your eyes, grabbing your purse and walking out of the bathroom without a word

everything he tries seems to fail and it stings

you're his favourite person in the world (barring his daughter, of course) and you won't speak to him

he feels like he's dying, and for an immortal original hybrid, that's saying something

what the hell are you supposed to do when the love of your life can't even handle being in the same room as you?

he's run out of options

so when you come home, he opts to go for his last resort

you walk into the compound, heels clicking against the ground but coming to a halt when you see klaus sitting on the couch with a drink in his hand

you're ready to walk off so you can get ready for bed, but his voice stops you

"i can't do this anymore"

you furrow your brows, turning to look at him

he stands up and walks right up to you, silently hoping you won't step away or run off

"i understand that you're angry with me, i do. but i can't stand the idea of you hating me"

you sigh, "i don't hate you, klaus. i could never hate you"

"you can barely look at me. you won't talk to me, you can't even be in the same room as me without running away. listen, it's not that i don't think you can take care of yourself, love, and it's not that i don't trust you. you're the woman i've been waiting for my entire life. you're extraordinary, and you're everything to me. i can't live without you. so yeah, i'm going to be overprotective, and maybe a tad paranoid—"

"a tad?"

"alright, fine. extremely paranoid. the point is, i'll do whatever it takes to keep you alive and breathing. i love you, y/n. i love you, and i can't let anything happen to you"

you want to stay mad, you really do

but looking into his puppy dog eyes, the pout on his lips

you just can't resist

you exhale deeply, "you're gonna have to make it up to me"

klaus finally cracks a grin, pressing a kiss to your knuckles after grabbing your hand

"whatever you want, my love"

~

klaus mikaelson tag list (join here!): @princess-charming-01 @maybankslover @kittyqrt @trenchmaniac @techlipse @the-kaya-aa @catmikaelson20 @hopesdadswife @amournoir @skydisneylover

[introvert--weeb]

Hello Can we talk about your talent girl you're shinning ❤💅💅

But seriously you're work is awesome

Tell me plz if I can request this:

Takemitchi coming back to the past not understanding what is missing for the future

He is in one of toman meeting waiting for the "talk" but he hear some noise behind the tree 🌳and when he go to see he find micky and his gf(s/o) kissing and being lovey dovey and then he understands that she is the reason of mickeys dark implusion (dk if i wrot it good)

Like her dying in his arms so like takemitchi want to save both of them (I'm sucker for this type of angst 🤧)

Sorry if this is too much 😅you don't have to do it just wanted to cry

Love 💘😻💜💛💚🧡💘😻💜💛💚🧡

Oh my god! I'm so glad you are enjoying my writing and thank you so much! You have just made my whole week with that! ❤️😭❤️

Of course! I am a sucker for angst (if you couldn't tell from my posts) and this is just amazing!!

Thank you so much for requesting and I hope you enjoy this @kimrena-stuff

--

Mikey X f!reader (fluff with angst)

TW: mentions of death, sadness, blood, violence, canon divergence, alternate timeline

--

The future still wasn't perfect in Takemichi's eyes. Sure, most of the people he tried saving survived but there still was no happy ending for any of them. And once again, Hinata had been killed.

It was confusing him. Surely he had made sure that everything was fixed in the past? What was he missing that could have caused another bad future. The blond had even asked Chifuyu about any events that could be coming up that would cause Mikey to turn out the same as he had every other future. Was it Kisaki? But Kisaki had been fired from Toman.

Chifuyu could not offer much information, after all, he did not know the future and Mikey hadn't declared a war on any other gangs since last time Takemichi had gone back. So there was no luck in that department. Maybe they were both overlooking something small that would be massive in the future?

Takemichi was sort of thankful that he had been called up about the Toman meeting that was happening that night. He could find his answer there, he was sure. After all, each meeting he had gone to so far had provided him with an idea of what was going to happen.

He had arrived at the shrine earlier than most other members. The only ones he really knew that had arrived were Draken, Mitsuya and Chifuyu considering that was who he hitched a ride with. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary except Mikey wasn't with Draken as he usually would be.

Curiosity had gotten the better of the young Toman, he had went to ask Draken where the captain was. Draken simply pointed over to a gathering of trees, explaining that Mikey could usually be found there before meetings start. That seemed to only make the boy's curiosity worse, wondering what Mikey could be doing in the cover of the trees.

He couldn't be meeting up with Kisaki still, could he? Is that why the future was not getting any better? Panic filled Takemichi as he approached the trees. If he was talking with Kisaki then that could be his only chance to stop it and create the perfect future he wanted!

It was as he was getting closer that he heard what he thought was two voices talking quietly. Not quiet enough where it could be considered whispering but enough where Takemichi couldn't make out the words being exchanged. He could tell one of them was definitely Mikey but the other could have been anyone. Had Mikey decided to ally himself with someone even more dangerous than Kisaki was proving to be? After all, nobody in Toman had been able to see Mikey in the future so it could be possible.

Trying his best to hide himself from Mikey, Takemichi peeked his head around to find a sight that made his cheeks flush a dark red. Mikey had both hands against a tree trunk with an absolute hottie between them. At first, it seemed a little alarming for the younger blond until he had noticed the soft smile and blush that dusted your features.

It was only when Mikey leaned down to press a kiss to your lips that Takemichi had felt he was overstaying his welcome. Especially since he wasn't really welcome in the first place. He was simply a creepy peeper at that moment. Why did he keep ending up in these types of moments that made him look like a creep?! First it was with Emma and now he was essentially watching his captain make out with his girlfriend.

"I love you, Mikey." Your voice was breathless from that kiss, your eyes sparkling as they stared into your lover's dark ones. It was obvious to anyone that you were both so in love with each other. Hell, you were sneaking off together at any moment you could find just to be all lovey dovey with each other.

"I love you more, Y/N."

Takemichi had caught that small snippet of your conversation as he was trying to silently walk away. He really didn't want to be caught by the Invincible Mikey staring at the loving exchange after all. But it did get him thinking. Had you ever been mentioned in the future? Surely if you were this in love, you would remain by Mikey's side forever?

The Toman meeting started as it usually did. You would be sat on the stairs while your boyfriend would address the issues related to the gang. Everyone knew who you were, you would always be at the meetings after all unless you had to attend to other business. That would explain why Takemichi hadn't seen you. You must have been attending to other things every meeting that the blond went to. All throughout the meeting, Takemichi could only try and recall if you're present in some way in the future. Surely you would still be hanging around with the same people 12 years later.

He would have to contact Naoto in the future as soon as he could. After all, if there was something big that was going to happen then he would want to find out as soon as he could. And so, as soon as the meeting was finished, he made his way to the Tachibana household to find young Naoto.

"So, how did it go? Were you able to change anything?" That was the first thing Naoto asked once Takemichi had woken up. It was the same routine each time. Naoto would ask if he had changed anything, knowing that it wasn't enough since Hinata was still dead. But maybe if something had changed, they were a little bit closer to finding out what was causing this chain of reactions.

Takemichi shook his head and then dived headfirst into his question. He had asked if you were ever mentioned in one way or another. Maybe if you were still alive, something must have happened between you and Mikey which he could prevent from occurring. Just thinking back on how in love you both were with each other, he was beginning to doubt that it was a simple break up.

It had taken the two males a full hour until your name had popped up in their searches. It really didn't help that Takemichi only knew your first name and that you would hang out with Toman. The news article had filled the computer screen, a photo of you smiling in the top corner of the page. It gave off a vibe that didn't match the contents of the article.

You had been stabbed 15 times in the chest and stomach during a gang brawl between Toman and a gang Takemichi hadn't heard of yet. You were rushed to the hospital but had died before the doctors could reach you. It stated that it was a boy named Manjiro Sano that had brought you in.

It all started to make sense now. You had been caught up in the brawl and had sustained injuries that had ended your life. So Mikey had lost himself when you had died in his arms as he tried his best to save you.

Takemichi checked the date on which you had died. 2 days from today. Why wasn't this brawl mentioned at the Toman meeting?! Did Mikey keep it a secret or was it a spontaneous confrontation? Takemichi could only guess it was the second option. Especially since the brawl would take place at Toman's meeting spot at the shrine.

"I need to save Y/N from dying. That is what we were missing! If she survives, Mikey won't lose another piece of himself." And with that, the handshake that activated the time leaping had taken place.

Takemichi had explained his plan to Chifuyu. Explained how there would be a brawl the next day at the shrine and how that is possibly the trigger for the bad futures. After all, Mikey might stay sane with you by his side. Chifuyu couldn't believe what he was hearing. A gang would have the balls to enter the meeting place of Toman just to start a fight? They must either hold a huge grudge against them or were just plain insane. No gang was to ever enter another gang's meeting spot as it was seen as sacred.

The blond had vowed that he would do anything he could to protect you from harm and ultimately save Mikey from his dark future. Even if he had to glue himself to your side, he would make sure nothing happened to you. He would make up for the time he had failed to save Baji.

You and Mikey continued with your routine. Enter the tree clearing and spend some quality time together. You both exchanged kisses, splitting the dorayaki you would keep on you for your boyfriend, and joking around. Everything a couple in love should do.

The day of the brawl had arrived and so had the rival gang. It was in the middle of Mikey addressing his gang that the opponent's had arrived. The shock was quickly erased as the fighting began. Mikey had made sure you stayed close behind him so he could keep you safe, even though you could fight. Maybe not as well as most of the Toman members but you were capable of keeping yourself safe.

Takemichi scanned the entire shrine area in search of you. Relief had briefly enveloped the middle schooler. After all, if Mikey was with you, nobody could touch you. Or that's what everyone had thought. You had been separated from Mikey as soon as the gang members discovered you were cared for deeply by him. They had thought that if they got you, they could win the fight.

It was if the world was entering slow motion. Takemichi tried to push his way to where you were being dragged, the determination to save everyone being his main driving force. Mikey had yet to notice you were no longer behind him, too focused on taking out the leader and winning the brawl so he could take you home where you would be safe. However, that plan was quickly becoming less likely.

"Shit! Move out of my way!" Takemichi had panic pumping throughout his veins. If he couldn't get to you in time, there was no second chance. It was times like this that made him realise just how human he was. He was one boy, not a God. He could only do so much. But he was sure as hell gonna try and save you.

"Y/N!" Takemichi's voice carried across the entirety of the battlefield. So much so that everyone had frozen, especially Mikey. He turned his gaze to behind him where he thought you were only to find you were missing. Frantic, his dark eyes scanned the area until they rested on you being held against your will. The boy who held you had his arm across your neck, squeezing so you couldn't call out to your boyfriend. However, it was the knife that he pointed to your chest that had Mikey scared.

Takemichi was the only person who didn't freeze, pushing his way past the bodies that stood like statues. He could make it! He could save everyone with this one action! He was convinced that this was why Mikey had given into his dark impulses and why no-one could get their happily ever afters.

He was too late. The knife had pierced through your chest, narrowly missing any vital organs. This had seemed to spur the younger blond to increase his speed, trying to keep in mind that you could survive if he kept the stabs to a minimum. After all, the news article had explained how you had been stabbed 15 times. One was fixable. One he could deal with.

Mikey couldn't seem to move. His love had been stabbed. For no other reason than they were there and sticking by him. This wasn't fair. You had nothing to do with what the problem was and you shouldn't be paying the price for it either.

It felt like an eternity for Takemichi to reach where you were. His legs were screaming at him to stop and his heart was beating a million miles a minute. In the time it took him to get to you, you had sustained another two stabs in your stomach and chest. The person doing it was nothing short of a monster. He didn't care that you were innocent or that you were a girl. He just continued his mission.

The sound of skin to skin contact echoed, a sickening crack following along. Takemichi had landed the hardest punch he could muster against the side profile of the monster. The crack was the jaw breaking underneath the force. You were released as the perpetrator stumbled backwards, falling as he lost consciousness. Takemichi had made it but he wasn't confident that it was in time. He couldn't help but watch as you smiled and fell sideways. Fueled simply by the adrenaline, he had carefully picked you up in his arms before starting his journey to the hospital.

Draken had been the one to snap Mikey out of his daze, telling him to get his bike. There was no way that Takemichi would get there in time if he was simply thinking of running. And so that's what Mikey did. He fired up his precious bike, ordering the young blond to climb onto the back before speeding his way to the closest medical facility.

Due to all of this, you had survived. Takemichi had succeeded in saving you and thus saving Mikey. There was a possibility that the future would be good this time.

Once he had heard you were alive and doing well, Mikey had finally let himself react. Tears fell one after the other down his cheeks and relief had lifted his heart. He wouldn't lose you. You were alive because of Takemitchy. That is something Mikey couldn't thank the younger blond enough for. He had saved your life when Mikey could do nothing but watch.

Everyone expressed their gratitude for Takemichi. After all, they couldn't imagine what Mikey would turn out like if he had lost you during that fight. Takemichi had an idea but wasn't about to spill what the future he knew was like. Speaking of which, he did wonder how this had affected his future. Would everyone finally have their happy endings? He sure did hope so.

As soon as Naoto had shook his hand, Takemichi had found himself sitting at a table with a can of beer in his hand. Confused on what was going on, he glanced around at his surroundings. He was currently in a home that looked nothing like his apartment. Photos of a couple he vaguely recognised littered the walls, there was the scent of takeout wafting in the air, and the noise was loud yet joyful.

A few days later, Takemichi decided to head back to where he belonged. 12 years in the future. You had been discharged from the hospital and probably on a date with Mikey as he approached the Tachibana residence. Thinking about it, Mikey had seemed to brighten up more ever since you had been allowed out of the hospital. Takemichi laughed as he recalled Mikey buried under a large bouquet of your favourite flowers and a giant plushie of your favourite animal on that day. You had simply laughed before peppering the Toman leader's face in kisses. You had also planted a peck on the younger boy's cheek as a sign of how grateful you were to him. After all, if Takemichi hadn't done any of that, you wouldn't be able to spend anymore time with Mikey. You owed him your life.

That's when Takemichi realised he had done it. Hinata was chatting happily with Yuzuha and Hakkai about their experiences in Europe; Mitsuya, Smiley and Angry were laughing about some inside joke no-one knew about; Pah-chin and Peh-yan were discussing business relating to the real estate agency; Kazutora and Inui were drinking in the corner, simply observing the festivities; and Draken was chatting away happily to Mikey, his arm around Emma's waist as she tried to soothe their baby. Takemichi had saved them all. They were all OK. Most of all, Hinata was alive.

"Anyone needing any refills?" your voice trailed in from where you stood in the doorway connecting the living room and kitchen. You looked almost the same except for a few features. Takemichi knew at that moment that this was the perfect future for everyone, especially when Hinata had come over and kissed his cheek. The discussion around the room had suddenly become one as everyone spoke about the upcoming weddings between you and Mikey as well as the one between Takemichi and Hinata. For the first time in a long time, Takemichi could let go of the weight he had carried around and enjoy his life with his friends and his fiancé.

[nirikeehan]

HAPPY FRIDAY NIRI I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOUR NEW AU!!! could I request some Blackwall/Cullen/Thalia (with Pravin questioning Thalia's life choices) + “Time for my favorite pastime.” “Which is?” “Drowning my problems in ridiculous amounts booze!”?

OMG HI this was an incredible prompt. I'm so glad I finally had a chance to fill it.

Two notes: 1) Part of this fic was inspired by me yelling about the political implications of Blackwall's crimes to my bestie which in turn was inspired by modern Russian politics, look at me using my degree lmfao 2) bestie and I have outlined an alternate version of the "underworld connections" option to springing Blackwall from prison, which supposes Pravin was directly involved in the escape and convinced Blackwall to shave off his beard in the process. I loved that idea and ran with it for this scene.

As always, Pravin aka "Fidencio Frye" belongs to the lovely @monocytogenes

For @dadrunkwriting

WC: 2105

---

Pravin liked the Herald’s Rest tavern because it had good food, excellent drink, mediocre entertainment, and a fascinating cross-section of civilization upon which to eavesdrop. Leliana’s intelligence reports were all well and good, but sometimes it served a bard to simply go amongst the people and see what he could learn.

He spied his cousin first, her distinctive auburn hair standing out amidst a crowd of soldiers in still-donned helms and Orlesian visitors in shiny masks. She sat at a long wooden table, back to the door. (How many times did he have to warn her not to do that? It wasn’t safe.) Across from her was a man with long black hair and recently shorn whiskers. Without the beard to hide behind, Thom Rainier became painfully easy to read. The redness to his complexion suggested he was already deep in his cups, and the sneer on his handsome lips as he spoke indicated he was hurling an insult. Even though the din and distance prevented Pravin from hearing exactly what was spoken, the stiffening of Thalia’s shoulders proved it landed as intended. She turned and launched herself off the bench, fleeing. 

Fury boiled in Pravin’s stomach. Thalia, blinded by emotion, did not see him standing there, and tried to push past him to the door. He caught her elbow. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” 

Thalia looked at him, startled. Her eyelids held a sheen of tears, which she blinked against furiously. “What? Oh, Pravin, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” She ignored his question.

“What did he say to you?” 

“Nothing.” She wiped at her eye with a knuckle.

This only stoked Pravin’s anger. “It didn’t look like nothing.” 

“Pravin, please. Just leave it alone.” 

Thalia tried to pull away, a move Pravin expertly redirected, turning her around. 

“Hey, look who just came in.” He pointed to the far corner of the room, where Commander Cullen sat with a giant stack of reports for company. The Maker himself couldn’t have planned it better. “Why don’t you go say hi?” 

Thalia shot her cousin a scathing look. “He looks busy.” 

“Are you kidding? He looks like he’s dying for someone to give him an excuse to stop working. Here.” Pravin guided Thalia to the bar, where he fished out a handful of coins and slapped them in front of Cabot. “I’ll take two of your best ales.” 

When the barkeep set them down firmly on the countertop, Pravin grabbed them and shoved them into Thalia’s hands. “One for you, one for the Commander.” 

Thalia’s eyes widened. “You want me to go over there and just—?”

“Hand him one, yes,” Pravin cut her off emphatically. “Trust me on this.”

Thalia glanced dubiously at the frothing steins, but inhaled deeply and nodded. “All right, fine.” 

She marched to the Commander’s alcove with straight posture and clear determination. She was nothing if not tenacious, his little cousin. 

Pravin waited until she reached Cullen and said hello, noted the way he looked up immediately at her approach, the smile that slid involuntarily onto his face when he saw her. Satisfied, Pravin turned back to Cabot. “I’ll have two more, please.”

“You got it,” the dwarf replied, heading to the same large barrel behind the bar. Upon his return, Pravin gave a generous tip and asked, “What’s the mood out there?”

“Restless.” Cabot swept the coins from the counter into his pocket.

Pravin had always appreciated Cabot’s laconic yet honest attitude. They’d had a bit of an understanding since Cabot had come to Skyhold: Pravin ridiculously overpaid for his service, and Cabot reciprocated with a little extra information. Pravin inclined his head toward Rainier’s table. “That one been giving you any trouble?” 

Cabot squinted. “Him? Nah. Always pays his tab and keeps to himself, mostly. Been here a lot lately, but can’t say I blame him on that score.” 

Pravin thought he caught a twinge of sympathy in Cabot’s voice, which surprised him. “And there haven’t been any incidents since— you know?”

“Not really.” Cabot shrugged. “There’s been whispers, of course. Few Orlesian soldiers got drunk and taunted him, but he just left. Got no reason not to serve him.” 

“I wasn’t suggesting you stop serving him,” Pravin said quickly.

“Good,” Cabot grunted. “‘Cause if I had to cut off every bastard around here who may have committed a crime, I’d go out of business.” 

“I think we’re a little past may with Rainier, Cabot,” Pravin said drily. 

Cabot gave him a hard look. “Only because Celene’s still Empress, my bardic friend.” 

Pravin sighed. “Point taken, Cabot. You have a good night.” 

“Always do,” Cabot deadpanned, polishing a glass. 

Pravin retrieved the ale and strode over to the table where Rainier sat, staring at the bottom of his stein like he might be able to divine his future in there. It was, as Pravin had suspected, empty. 

“This seat taken?” Pravin asked, but didn’t wait for an answer before sitting. 

Rainier glanced up, his eyes narrowing. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Fidencio fucking Frye,” he slurred in a dangerously nasty tone. 

Being drunk had the extraordinary effect of somehow making the man’s Marcher accent even thicker. Pravin tried not to grimace. He’d heard similar voices on fools in stage productions, playing up the peasant inflection for comedic affect. Thomas Rainier was a walking self-parody. What the hell did Thalia see in this lout? 

“What are you doing?” Pravin asked, exasperated. 

“Engaging in my favorite pastime,” Rainier sneered. “Drowning my problems in ridiculous amounts of booze.” 

Pravin stifled another sigh. This was going to be more difficult than he’d hoped. “Well then, let me top you off.” He slid one of the steins over to Rainier’s side of the table. Strictly speaking, it was probably a bad idea to give him more alcohol, but Rainier was a big man. It would take a lot to knock him down entirely. 

Rainier eyed the new glass suspiciously. Pravin remembered his little tantrum at his judgment all too well, when Rainier had gone on about hidden arrows taking him out if he refused to pledge allegiance to the Inquisition. Pravin had found it a touch melodramatic, but the small bit of color that had remained in Thalia’s face drained entirely when he said it. 

“It isn’t poisoned, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Pravin commented, raising his own stein and taking a hearty sip.

Rainier grunted, but picked up the ale all the same. How easy might it be to poison him? No, no, Thalia would never forgive Pravin for that. He had to try a less direct approach. 

“You need to leave her alone,” he warned, his tone light but firm.  

Rainier’s grey eyes flashed at him over the rim of the metal stein. “Me? She’s the one who keeps putting herself in my way.”

“And whose fault is that, eh? Maybe you should have thought twice before pursuing a woman half your own age.”

Rainier’s meaty hand formed a fist and pounded the tabletop. “I told her, dammit! I told her half a hundred times it was a bad idea, it would never work—”

“Yet you did nothing to stop it from happening,” Pravin said quietly. 

“Oh, I did plenty. Except a bloody bard had to appear outside my jail cell and muck it all up.” 

They held each other’s gaze. Pravin could sense the rage simmering beneath his exterior, which incited his own. He had no desire to revisit the series of events that had taken Thom Rainier from the prison in Val Royeaux to Skyhold. He had risked much and more to return this shit stain to Thalia, and so far Pravin had seen no return on the investment. They had barely maintained plausible deniability with the Orlesian crown, and this was the first of Thalia’s calls as Inquisitor that people questioned. Restless, Cabot said, confirming a suspicion Pravin had harbored for some weeks. Many at Skyhold held the opinion that Rainier should not be walking around free, and his continued presence among them made things precarious for Thalia — all because Rainier had to go and make a big spectacle about his crimes. 

“You know,” Pravin said, his stomach churning with the venom he felt, “it’s not so much the treason I mind, but the stupidity.” 

“Excuse me?” Rainier looked so affronted that Pravin wanted to punch him in the face, the one that looked all too familiar now that he’d shorn away the beard. Pravin remembered the fight that had been, once he’d smuggled Rainier out of the prison, as if losing the facial hair meant losing his very soul. But the authorities were looking for a bearded man, not a clean-shaven one, and at last he’d relented. When he’d emerged from the privy in the safe house bare-faced, Pravin had recognized him immediately.

 That he’d existed under Pravin’s nose for months, a man he’d remembered from their time spent in certain libertine circles, infuriated him. 

“You heard me,” Pravin said. “So you took coin to betray your country. So what? Traitors like you are a copper a dozen, Rainier. It’s that you’d got away with it, scot free, even had a convincing new identity you wore so well. And then you threw it all away, and created a giant mess the rest of us had to clean up — for what?”

“For honor,” Rainier snapped.

“Honor means horse shit when you’re dead,” Pravin countered. “And you don’t even have the common sense to be grateful.” 

Silence fell between them. Rainier took a slow breath and raised his drink to his mouth; Pravin could tell he’d rattled him. 

“Typical,” Rainier muttered into his drink. “What would a man like you know about honor?” 

“More than you might think,” Pravin said, sneaking a glance over his shoulder. Thalia sat with Cullen, going over reports with him as the two chatted. Pravin even spotted a grin on Thalia’s face. That warmed his heart, despite the terrible company he currently kept. 

“Adopted country,” Rainier mumbled. 

Pravin faced front again, raising an eyebrow. “What did you say?” 

“You said I took coin to betray my country. Orlais was never my country, not really.” Rainier set down his stein with the precision of one drunk enough he worried he might drop it. He stared at it, refusing to meet Pravin’s eyes. “I’m sure that was part of their calculus.” 

Pravin frowned, inclining his head. “How so?”

“Oh, you know how it works, Frye. You want to usurp the ruler, yet maintain a respectable distance. So you hire someone. Then he hires someone — a foreigner, gone too far above his station, too ambitious for his own good. Someone they can trace the crime to quickly and point fingers at. Because he’s just a degenerate, not even one of us — of course it was him, got the whole family, the kiddies too. Depraved, perverse, but not surprising. What do we even expect, when we let people like that in?” 

Pravin watched Rainier in unsettled silence. Perhaps the man was quicker than Pravin had given him credit for. 

“I was always supposed to get caught,” Rainier said softly. “I was blind not to see it. But that’s what greed does to you. You think you can stay one step ahead, beat ‘em at their own game.” He raised his gaze at last, steading it on Pravin. “But you know as well as I do, don’t you? You can’t beat the Orlesians at their own game.” 

Slowly, throat tight, Pravin nodded.

“Call it stupidity, or honor, or fuck all, I don’t care.” Rainier took the stein and drained the last of his ale, grimacing as he swallowed. “I owed my men some dignity. I owed Thalia some dignity. I had to balance the bloody scales.”

In the quiet that followed, Pravin leaned back in his seat and nursed his ale. Rainier swayed a little in his seat, but did not try to stand. Pravin had a feeling he’d be the one Rainier would lean on while stumbling back to the stables later. I ought to leave him in the bushes, he thought, but his heart was no longer in it. 

Rainier propped his chin up under one hand, his eyes glazed and wandering. Pravin did not turn to follow it, but the way Rainier’s expression softened, Pravin knew what he’d found. 

“She looks happy,” he murmured. 

“Mmhm,” Pravin agreed. 

Rainier scrubbed his hand down his face, scratched at the dark stubble covering his jaw. “She deserves to be happy,” he said, miserably. 

“Mmhm.” 

The mediocre minstrel queued up one of her breathy songs, and Pravin considered ordering another round.

[fablecore]

I hope this isn’t overstepping but I was hoping for some advice since you’re one of the loveliest people on here with such kind and thoughtful words to everyone that passes by your corner but feel free not to answer if it is. In less than two months, I will be leaving for university and go abroad for four years, and only that time left with my dog. He’s been by my side since I was so young and is turning sixteen this year, so it’s almost certain I’ll never get to see him again.

Just the thought of it has me crying everyday since I won’t be able to come back until I finish my program because of expenses and so forth and what worries me even more is everyone else is too busy to really care for him because of their own work and school and even though I try to cherish the time we have left, in my mind, matter how hard I try to control it, I am already grieving him and it makes it so that I can’t even sit still without bursting into tears. More than that, it’s knowing that he will never understand that I’m leaving, why I am gone and if I will return, that he might wait but also that he will never see me again and the thought of him dying alone has me in tears because he has health issues that acts up and he has had fits when no one is home and it was pitiful even when we were there since there’s nothing we can do for him but wait it out while he’s crying. His health issues have gotten worse this past year and so it had already been a constant cycle of worrying about his death but it’s worse now because now I won’t even be able to sit by his side and comfort him when he needs it or take care of him, nor can I mourn him and he won’t know that I do love him and don’t have a choice, and he might keep wondering where I am. With so little time left, it’s gotten to the point I can’t go out to the bank or even to buy food because I’m worried even leaving him alone for a few hours. I had a trip recently and spent everyday worrying about him alone with no one else doing anything except feeding him and leaving him alone all day since they had work and didn’t come in until night and we can’t even leave toys for him to play with since he’s never been the type. What’s worse is he can’t walk now and it’s pitiful because all he can do is lie there all day.

All this just makes me feel even sadder for leaving him and the fact he won’t understand and won’t get it and thinks I’ve abandoned him the way I did before when I went to school a few years back and had to be gone for a year or two and when I did get back, he wouldn’t trust me. It’s so hard constantly imagining the pain he’ll he in when I’m gone because I know I’m the only fixture in his life right now that’s really fully there for him since no one else can be, and I can’t even enjoy this time left being conscious of our deadline together and watching him get sick makes me more than aware that this will be his reality soon and I just find everything so hard right now. I know I don’t have a choice and it’s not really my fault, but it doesn’t mean I can’t stop feeling guilty and being sad all the time

hi there, let me first wish you luck for uni. it seems to me a tremendous and scary endeavor to study abroad for four years without the option of coming back home. i think during these sort of turbulent, anxiety-inducing times in our lives, we often become blinded to ourselves, as in we see only our failures and shortcomings. you're a very brave person with an enormous heart, which is good because that's where we carry our loved ones for the rest of our lives. what ought you do now? i'm sorry, but... i don't know. it's the nature of the living to struggle with death, but i think it is far more painful to resist the inevitable than it is to embrace it. yes he'll be gone one day but today he's still here, and so are you, and there's joy in the simple act of just breathing together. love him as best you can. that's all you can do. when you leave for uni, cry as hard as you can. that is also all you can do. the years you had together still exists and will always exist, nothing can erase that. time will pass. you'll grow older. when you visit home again in four years, your heart will be so full carrying all the ones you love. if there is any advice i can offer you, it's this: let your love grow and grow, spreading outward, until it touches everything around you, and radiates with light.

[chaoslynx]

hey, I'd like your input on a certain question I have pertaining to a hypothetical alternate ending of banana fish (the one where ash survives his stab wound). if you're not sure how to answer, that's completely fine, but I've seen so many people in the fandom claim so many different things about what would have happened if he survived, and I'm searching for a solid opinion.

I think the majority of the fandom can collectively agree that ash didn't need to die in order to heal from his trauma. I've see a lot of idiots say that even if ash lived, he would never heal or escape his past trauma, and so dying was the best outcome for his circumstances, which I'm sure the majority of us with more than 1 active braincell knows that's utter dog shit, and that survivors can heal no matter how big of a wound they may need treated.

however, I've seen people say that dying was his best option, NOT because he wouldn't have healed from his trauma, but because he wouldn't have the chance to heal considering the fact that he'd always be hunted down by his enemies. I've also seen people claim that even if he moved countries, he'd always be in constant danger because people would never stop looking for him. that he, as well as eiji, would have to live in fear and would never find peace due to the enemies ash has made during his lifetime.

I'm not sure what to think of this. I believe he'd be able to fake his death, borrow a new identity, and fake a passport to get on that damn plane headed to Japan. some have said that he wouldn't be able to due to his criminal record and so he'd never be allowed on a plane, which I also believe is dog shit. if that blond can scam millions of dollars out of and buy a condo right across from his #1 enemy without being caught, he can fucking travel. it's absurd how part of the fandom STILL underestimates his abilities, considering that he's shown time and time again of how capable and intelligent he truly is.

If you're able to answer, I'd like your opinion. we've established that survivors are able to heal no matter how big the baggage, but do you think he'd get the chance to heal, or would he always be on the run? would he forever be preoccupied with running from his enemies, or do you think his enemies would die trying to find him? I personally think that since his #1 enemy, D*no, is charred to a crisp, that he'd be somewhat safe from the rest. I don't think they'd even find him in an entirely different country in an entirely different continent.

but what do I know, honestly? maybe Yoshida confirmed that even if he did survive, he'd still be on the run until he died. I know she's said that murderers didn't deserve happy endings (bullshit, considering the circumstances that ash was in), but I'm not sure if she's clarified whether he would be on the run if he did hypothetically live. what do you think? no pressure :)

First of all, I'm a big fan of ignoring things Yoshida said.

I'm glad we agree that trauma survivors can heal! Also a big fan of that. Not gonna discuss that more here since we're already on the same page 💖

Before I get into whether or not Ash could ever escape from his enemies, I'd like to establish something about myself and my beliefs. I, personally, think that living is always going to be the better option. I am not going to be taking this question as a "could Ash have escaped his enemies, or is it good that he died?" That's not the problem here. The question I'll respond to below is "could Ash have escaped his enemies, or would he have always been on the run?"

This is an important distinction, because the first question implies that some lives just aren't worth living. I think your intentions here were good, so please don't take this as an attack on you in any way! But I'm not a fan of "living in fear [or living any other way] is worse than death" for a number of reasons. For one thing, dying is permanent. Once you die, there's never a chance of it getting better. It's literally a permanent solution to what often has the potential to be a temporary problem.

Also, any sort of "death is better" logic is a very slippery slope to be walking. If death is better than living in fear, is it also better than living with a permanent disability? With a chronic illness? At what point is it bad but still worth living through? Will Ash, on some level, always be living in fear due to what's likely post-traumatic stress disorder? Healing is obviously possible, but healing means learning how to cope better with a history of trauma, not getting rid of it.

So we're essentially asking the same question that we've already established the answer to: Is it better to live than to die? And, uh, yeah. Yeah, it is.

So anyway, moving onto the question I believe you were intending to ask: Would Ash have been able to escape his enemies?

Yeah. He would have.

For one thing, most of the people who actually gave a shit were already dead. Sure, the Corsican Foundation still existed, but most of them probably didn't think much of Ash besides him being Dino's favorite. There were those who saw Ash's mind in action during that month he spent with Dino during canon, but without Dino there, they have no reason to want Ash dead. Same with the ones who wanted Ash dead before the National Health Institute arc, if they weren't already dead themselves by the end of canon (like Kippard).

If Ash weren't going after them, I don't see why any of them would go after Ash.

Yut-Lung arguably had more enemies than Ash did by the end of canon, which was even Blanca's excuse for agreeing to work for him, but I don't see anyone arguing that Yue should have died. (I believe that he was canonically killed by one of his enemies at some point after Garden of Light, but does that mean that those 7+ years of freedom that he lived were pointless just because they came to an end?)

As far as traveling, yeah, Ash absolutely would have been able to fake an identity if he needed to. Like you said, he's done worse, and it's not like he doesn't have the connections for it. Although ...

I don't know if I've ever fully explained it in a fic or on here, but here's how I usually write post-canon.

Ash and Eiji stay in NYC. We know that moving back to the States and staying there is possible for Eiji, because ... it's what he does in canon after Ash's death. It's mentioned in GoL that Eiji moved back before he even healed completely from his gunshot wound, and that he got his Permanent Resident Card five years later.

As far as Ash, as much as a fucking pain in the ass it would be for him, I usually write him as actually testifying in court against ... fucking everyone. He gets help with this from Max, of course, and also from Jessica (who leaked Max's investigation, including the evidence they obtained from Frog, to the media in episode 23). In return for his testimony, he's granted total witness immunity for his crimes. ((Keep in mind that I know nothing about legal processes and how this would actually work in real life, but for fanfiction purposes that's how I choose to write it.))

So basically: Fuck Yoshida. Fuck death. Live your best life. YOLO.

[lovemalecforever]

Chapter 4

Confrontations and Truths

It was almost 5:30, the dusk was setting in as Alec walked out of his office, mumbling something under his breath. He looked around to find a taxi which he got after 5 minutes, then got in and left for Catarina's house.

*At Catarina's apartment*

Catarina was pacing in her living room, glancing at the clock again and again. Her worries were deepening with each passing second when her doorbell rang. Sighing, she waved her hands and opened the door.

Alec walked inside and gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, Cat! I'm.... 15 minutes late." He said while hugging her gently.

"That's not what I'm concerned about Alec, you asked me to meet you urgently and not tell Magnus about our meeting at all, what's going on!?"

He was about to answer when a soft voice echoed the whole house.

"Aallleeecccc!"

Madzie came running down the hall and hugged Alec's leg who was around Alec's waist height now. She was growing faster and learned a lot in all these years. Catarina had officially adopted her, and they formed a really great bond over the course of years.

A wide smile appeared on Alec's face as he bent down to her height and gave her a tight hug. "Hey, sweet pea!"

"Magnus didn't come?" She asked in a sad voice.

"No, sweet pea, I had some important work with your mom, that's why I came. We'll surely come soon to meet you, okay?"

"Okay!" she said enthusiastically, her sadness completely gone.

"Hey Mads! Go to your room sweetheart, we have some important work to discuss." Catarina said to her softly but a slight tone of worry was visible in her voice.

"Okay mommy, bye Alecc!"

"Bye, sweet pea!"

After she left, Catarina sighed, crossed her arms above her chest, and glared at Alec. "Alec! Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Cat! Calm down, can we please sit and talk?"

Catarina sighed yet again. They walked towards her mini balcony where there was a coffee table with two wooden chairs placed around it. She waved her hands and summoned a hot coffee for herself and hot chocolate with marshmallows for Alec.

"Thank you!" Alec said as he sat down on the chair.

Catarina was still looking at him firmly.

"So, to answer your question, Magnus is not fine."

"What!? Alec! What happened to him, has his powers-"

"Cat! Cat! Calm down! There's nothing wrong with him. He's completely fine, he's just not fine emotionally."

"Emotionally!?"

"Look, Cat, it's our anniversary in 6 days, I want to do something for him for which I'll be needing the help of a warlock, and I obviously can't take Magnus' help, so that's why I wanted to meet you."

Catarina let out a breath of relief, which she didn't know was holding. "Alec, I'm still confused, how is Magnus' mental health and your surprise plan related?"

Alec took a deep breath and composed himself before speaking. "You're aware of the biggest attack that happened in Alicante about a month ago, which almost resulted in war?"

"Yes, Alec, I obviously am, that's the reason I'm in Alicante. They needed the powerful warlocks from around the globe to fix the broken wards, you know it really well those are no ordinary wards. But, what about it?" a frown appeared on her forehead, not understanding where this was headed.

"Well, in that attack, I was in the field and Magnus was also called. It was not a small attack so they called everyone that can fight that battle. We both were on the field fighting side by side, but..." Alec cleared his throat, his eyes starting to flood with tears with those memories.

"Alec?" Catarina asked softly.

Alec closed his eyes and a teardrop fell on his cheek. "I... I almost died in that battle."

"What!?" Catarina's eyes went wide. "Oh my god! Alec... why nobody told me about this!? Why am I hearing about it now?"

"You were at the Spiral Labyrinth, Cat. We wouldn't be able to contact you even if we wanted. And, you know Magnus, he hates talking about things like these."

Catarina sighed and gave a slow nod.

"Anyways, I was in a coma for 10 days. My recovery was really slow, but I recovered. I knew Magnus was by my side the whole time, I was able to hear him, hear everything happening beside me, I heard him crying, begging me to wake up, to not leave him this soon, that... he won't be able to live without me, he cried on my arms, didn't sleep for a day!" He paused as tears kept running down his face.

Catarina gently squeezed his arms.

"When I recovered and went back home, he didn't allow me to go back to work for days. I had to convince him, remind him that I'm an inquisitor, I don't have that much fieldwork now, but... he never was able to get over it." He took a deep breath and continued.

"He told me he was fine, but I know he's not Cat! He still cries at night, thinking I'm asleep and not hearing him. whenever I've come home early, I've heard him crying, saying things like... like I'll die someday in a battle or I'll grow old one day and die and leave him forever. But I've always ignored it, knowing that I won't be able to comfort him no matter how hard I try to. And also, because he thinks he's hiding from me. If I confront him, he'll become defensive and more secretive, he'll push me away."

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Catarina reached out and gave his shoulder a light squeeze. When he opened his eyes, tears were shining brightly in them.

"I... I can't see him like that, Cat! He had a past full of pain, he had been in and out of relationships, had bad ones like Camille. You know all about it better than me, I know he's scared that I'll grow old one day and die. My mortality is scaring him, I love him and I'm worried about him."

"Oh my! Alec... I can't believe Magnus didn't say a word to me. But how can I help you with this?"

"I... Is... I... I... Is...."

"Alec!?" Catarina frowned, her mind going only in one direction with Alec's confrontation.

"I want to become immortal!" He announced.

At first, Catarina's eyes went wide, but then a light smile appeared on her face. "Look, Alec, I'm happy to see the love you have for Magnus, but becoming immortal-"

"It's not just for Magnus, Cat! I'm doing it for myself as well. I want to be with Magnus forever. I can't think of being apart from him even for a day, and, about watching my whole family dying in front of my eyes, with Magnus being by my side, I know I'll handle it!"

Catarina was so awestruck by his determination. 'Magnus is really lucky to have Alec, I'm so happy for you Magnus Bane!' she thought. "But there's one more problem, Alec, you have pure angel blood running in your veins, if you want to become immortal-"

"You think I came without homework, Cat!?" He took out a piece of paper from his pants pocket and kept it on the table. She took it and carefully opened it but then her eyes went wide.

"Wha... Alec, from where did you get this?"

"I was looking through the history of Shadowhunters and Immortals when I got this. The only thing I got to know this far is that," he pointed at the sketch on paper, "his name was Kasper Windermere, the first Shadowhunter to become immortal, half angel and half Shadowhunter, he became half-angel through a spell, but I'm not able to find the rest of it."

Catarina's eyes were wide. Noticing that, Alec took her hand in his catching her attention.

"Look, Cat, I want to become immortal, but Shadowhunting is my life, my career, it's what I've taught since childhood, I can't just give up on it. And I know I'll regret if I become immortal by using demon blood, you all know me. So that's the only option I have. Please, help me Cat!"

She couldn't help but give a wide smile at Alec.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You know, Magnus has been my best friend for centuries, I've seen him falling in and out of love, being with people, caring for them, and getting heartbroken but I've never seen anyone caring for Magnus the way you do. Magnus is really lucky to have you in his life. I'm really happy for both of you."

Alec's cheeks flushed red at this. "Thank you, Cat!"

"But for what you want, we need to search in every place possible. We can start with Book of White; Magnus gave it to me to keep it safe, I'll bring it."

"Okay, let's do it."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

* A Few hours later*

"There's only a small part of the spell mentioned in it, Alec." Catarina rubbed her temples as she turned the book towards Alec. They searched for hours but were only able to find a few details.

"Hmm... but that means it's possible right? We just need to find the rest of it." He was really happy with their findings.

"Alec, are you really sure? There's little mention of it, and... it's written there that it has consequences, that's why it's removed."

"What consequences?" He frowned.

"This spell is irreversible, so you can never turn back to mortal ever again and the only means that can kill you is.... is your own will, as an angel you'll only die when you desire to be."

"How is the other one a consequence?" He asked, confused.

"Alec, no one desires to die, and there's no mention whether Kasper Windermere is alive or dead."

"I don't see any problem with any of the above!"

Catarina sighed. "You are so determined, aren't you?"

"Cat, I can't see Magnus like this anymore. With our anniversary coming, I want to surprise him in the best way possible. I want our anniversary to be about him, his happiness, and I know he'll be happy, so yes, I'm determined to do anything which will make him happy. I'll look for more information tomorrow at Gard's library."

Catarina grinned then out of nowhere, giving him a tight hug. "Magnus Bane is a hell of a lucky man!"

Alec pulled out of the hug but then his eyes fell on his watch, it was 10:30. "Shit! Oh, no! Shit! Shit!"

"Alec, what happened?"

"We planned a dinner at 7 today and it's 10:30, Magnus is going to kill me, I need to run!" He said in a hurried tone.

Catarina laughed and shook her head. "Go, get your husband Alec!"

"Bye, Cat!" With that, Alec rushed out of Catarina's house.

__________________________

Magnus was pacing in their living room, eyeing the cold food kept at the kitchen counter and at the clock alternatively. It was almost 10:45. His eyes were filled with the pool of tears that were ready to shed at any moment.

'Where are you, Alexander? You promised you'd make it for dinner.' He sighed and started pacing again when a sudden thought struck him. 'Is... Is he all right? Did something happen to him? Did he go for the hunt? No, No! But he should be home by now then!'

He was about to change into his regular clothes to go out in search of him when he heard the jingle of keys and the door opened making him let out a breath of relief.

Alec walked in and noticed that Magnus was standing in the center of the living room with worry-filled eyes. 'Shit! I'm screwed' he thought then cleared his throat before speaking.

"I'm sorry, Magnus, I... Umm... I...." He kept shuffling in his place, unable to meet the eyes with his husband's.

"Where were you, Alexander?" Magnus almost choked on his words.

Alec noticed this, 'he was crying again, shit! I'm sorry Mags. Just a few more days and you never have to worry about it ever again' he thought.

"I... I was actually with Izzy; she was at the meeting too... I met her after a long time, so after we were both done with our work and meetings we decided to meet for a coffee. We met and started chatting and didn't realize the time. I'm sorry Mags! I should've texted you, I forgot, I'm really sorry." He said half truthfully, Izzy was at the meeting, but she was in a hurry so they only talked for 5 minutes, then she left but she's still in Alicante.

He then took out the flower bouquet he was hiding the whole time, with a sorry card placed on top of it. "I hope this will make up for it, I'm so sorry Magnus!"

Magnus was completely on the verge of crying right now, he was trying to hold his tears back, as he kept glancing between the bouquet and his husband. 'I missed my chance again, how am I supposed to say anything when you keep doing things like this' he thought, unable to keep his tears back he started crying.

"Magnus!?" Alec kept the bouquet on the couch then hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry Magnus, I'm sorry!" 'I know why you're crying Magnus, please don't be scared love, just a few more days!'

Magnus cried on Alec's shoulders, holding his jacket in his fists tightly. 'how am I supposed to tell you, Alexander, how am I supposed to tell you that... that I want to end our marriage, that I want to end us. I can't take it anymore, thinking that you'll be gone forever someday, and I, I'll have to live with those memories. I can't create more memories with you, Alexander. What happened a month ago had hurt me in ways you can't imagine. I can't do this anymore, the more I'll be with you, the more it'll hurt me when you'll be gone. I won't be able to bear that pain, I have to end us, I need to end us, but how am I even going to say it, when you keep showering me with your love' he cried harder on his shoulders.