#but I'll be off from this job for like 2 months come december so that would be the BEST POSSIBLE TIME

[altruistic-meme]

so the ideal time for me to get any surgery would be this coming December but unfortunately there is no way in hell I'll be able to

[thezombieprostitute]

Frayed - Part 3

Summary: There are so many new things happening in your life that the only two things you can count on are your boyfriend, Mace, and that your life is almost always in danger. 

A/N: Reader is female. No physical descriptors used.

Warnings: Implied death and violence. Please let me know if I missed any!

A/N2: Written for @the-slumberparty's December Daze Challenge.

Prompt: the electricity is out, let's keep each other warm

Part 2 -- Part 4

Series Masterlist

It's been a few months since the scare at the ice cream parlor. You've significantly calmed. Well, at least you're no longer looking over your shoulder every 20 seconds and you don't wince every time you walk past the parlor. Not that you did much walking. Mace was insistent on driving you to and from work. As much as Teach pushed, the priority for the family was still finding out who put out a hit on Steve's wife. You can't say you blame him. You just had someone try to intimidate some information out of you. She's got someone literally gunning for her!

You've gotten into your routine with work and Mace's security measures. Your job has been getting, maybe not easier, but certainly more tolerable. Dr. Beck is very patient with you for the grant writing aspect of your job. Practically begging for funding was something you'd never had to do with Wilford & Gilliam. But, then again, they weren't a non-profit. You hated having to ask for funds to replace machinery that was outdated almost a decade ago. It was definitely your least favorite task and you always needed to shut out as much peripheral interference as you could.

When you take your lunch break in your "office", you also take your phone off Do Not Disturb. There were several texts from Mace and a missed phone call from Teach. Your breath hitches as you listen to the voicemail.

"DC we've gotten word that Franco is in your area," Teach's voice informs you. "I haven't told Mace yet, I'll let you do that. For now I need you to stay out of sight at the clinic. I'll call again when we're sure it's all clear."

You feel the tears form in your eyes at the panic building in your chest. More than that, it's the frustration. You were doing what you knew to be the right thing. You were saving lives and making sure people were held accountable. And you've lost so much for it! You lost your salary, your apartment, even your health and well being! As much as you've heard people talking about taking comfort in doing what's right, standing up for others, you can't help but mourn what you used to have.

You start sobbing, months and months of pent up frustration and anger finding their way out. To your credit you don't throw anything, knowing you'd just hate yourself if you did. You desperately want to call Mace, have him come and hold you, comfort you, but if he shows up, he might get spotted by Franco and ID'd as part of the Family and then he'd be in even more danger than usual. It just all feels so unfair.

By the time Mace picks you up, you've gotten the all clear from Teach. You don't tell Mace about it. It'd just make him worry all the more and there's really nothing he can or could have done about it except put himself in danger. You decide to just plant a smile on your face and ask him to hold you extra tight tonight.

As soon as you're in the passenger seat Mace asks, "what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Huh?"

"Your eyes," he points to your face. "You've been crying."

"It's just been a long day, AC," you sigh. "Please, let's just get home."

He nods and pulls away from the free clinic. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No," you shake your head sadly. "It's just...life. You know?"

He nods thoughtfully. You're so lost in trying to hide your pain you miss the brief look of pain on his face. He knows how much your life has changed since the two of you reunited and he's scared he's not enough for you. That you're going to change your mind about moving away and go on to bigger and better things, just like after high school.

The rest of the trip home is spent in silence.

Back at the apartment, Mace is quick to start cooking. You hug him from behind and thank him for taking care of you. He looks over his shoulder at you, "it's the least I can do, DC. You've been the best thing to happen to me in years." You squeeze him a little tighter. "I hope you always know that," he adds. He feels you nod against his shoulder and smiles.

You finally let go of him when it's clear he needs to move around to do the cooking. You settle onto the couch and put on one of his hoodies. Your shoulders are finally starting to relax when the power goes out.

"Shit!" Mace shouts from the kitchen. You grab your phone and turn on the flashlight to help him see so he doesn't burn himself. "Thanks, DC!" he huffs as turns off the burners and gets things secured. He sighs, "I'm not gonna ask you to hold that light the entire time so we'll just leave the cooking for later."

You nod and he gets out his own phone. Together you find some emergency candles and get them lit so you can save on battery life. Mace goes to the window and looks out. You hear a soft "huh".

"What's wrong? The entire block out?"

"No, it might just be the building," he says slowly. He pulls out his phone and makes a phone call. "Jake, can you check my building's area for power outages?" A pause. "No wi-fi because the power is out." A longer pause. "Shit. Was there any activity on Walker or Franco recently?" A short pause before his head shoots up and he looks at you. "We'll keep ourselves locked up, just make sure someone's doing a sweep and send Hal to check the usual suspects for the building losing power."

He hangs up the phone, his eyes never leaving you. "Why didn't you tell me?"

You don't bother trying to deflect or play dumb. "Because what good would it do? You'd be putting yourself in danger if you came to the clinic off schedule. And by the time you were picking me up, I'd gotten the all clear."

His jaw clenches and the muscles in his neck tighten. "You should have told me."

"Again, what would be the point?" you ask, your voice starting to rise.

"I could've posed it as taking you to a surprise lunch date or something and gotten you out of there."

"Then he'd know you were associated with me and that could put you in danger either as leverage for me to talk or because they now know who you're working for! There was nothing that could be done so I didn't tell you because I didn't want you hurt or stressed out by the futility of knowing!"

"Because then you wouldn't be suffering alone!"

"I'm already suffering alone!" you scream. "You didn't lose your high paying job. You didn't lose your sense of safety. You didn't lost a damn thing! I did! And it fucking sucks because I don't want to hurt you but I need to grieve, but I don't want to stress you out, but I need some fucking release, but I don't want to be even more of a burden on you, but I---"

"Burden?" he interrupts. "When have I ever given you the indication that you're a burden?"

"Oh come on, Mace," you scoff. "You took on a protection duty you were never qualified for. You abetted a murder to keep me safe. You drive me to and from work practically every day and it's very much out of your way to do so! You cook for us and check in on me. I have to be a burden."

The candlelight is strong enough you can see the pain written all over his face. He strides towards you, back you against a wall, and puts his arms on either side of your face.

"You're not a burden," he whispers hoarsely. "I don't do these things because I have to. I do them because I care about you and want to take care of you." You sniffle, trying not to cry again. "I know you lost so much in all of this. I've been...I've been scared you'd think I'm not enough of a reason to stick around. That you'd realize you miss your old life and you'd leave to another country where you could have that life again."

You chuckle, "so we definitely both need to work on our communication skills."

Mace nods, "I also think we could use a vacation. I've got so much time saved up, I've just never had a reason to use it."

"A vacation sounds nice," you nod. "Just the two of us. No work stress."

Mace opens his mouth to say something but then his phone rings. You nod your assurance for him to answer it. He listens for a couple minutes but finally nods and says, "alright, thanks Hal. And make sure to thank GBH for me." A pause. "I know he creeps you out but do it for me?" Another pause. "Thanks." He hangs up.

"No sign of foul play," Mace reports. "I forgot to look out the other side of the building. The buildings behind us are the ones on our power grid, not the ones out this window." He shakes his head, "I feel kinda stupid for calling them up."

"Another sign you need a vacation," you add. "Gotta get your head back on straight."

He nods and pulls you in for a hug. "In the meantime, how about we spend the night keeping each other warm under the blankets? At least until the power comes back on."

"That sounds like a plan."

Tagging:

@alicedopey; @chibijusstuff; @delicatebarness; @fluxxdog; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @irishhappiness; @jamneuromain; @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory; @lokislady82; @rebekahdawkins; @ronearoundblindly; @texmexdarling; @thiquefunlover63

[honeyjars-sims]

My 𝐓𝐨𝐩 24 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 from 2024🎉

Thank you @lynzishell for tagging me! This was very hard--so much happened in my story this year! I will tag @tipsy-clouds, @beachyserasims, @feroshgirlsims, and @miss-may-i if you'd like to participate!

January

Chapter 2 started off on a high note. Love was in the air...certainly nothing could go wrong 😬 Chantal, Johnny, and Cece were all experiencing the thrill of new romances, but only one couple would survive the year.

February

While Nico's mask was starting to slip, Johnny and Lexie also hit a bump in the road on their trip to GraNITE Falls (which I totally know the name of and didn't make a bunch of graphics with the completely wrong name on them...nope, not me). At least Johnny and Lexie ended the month on a high note, right? RIGHT?

March

I really put poor Johnny through it in March, didn't I? Not long after unexpectedly coming face to face with the man who made his childhood a living hell, Johnny ended up in tears again when Lexie revealed she was a lesbian and ended their relationship.

April

Revenge is delicious and Chantal was ready to eat! And eat she did. She turned the tables on Nico and Ambrose after agreeing to testify on their behalf in court, only to show up on the stand in support of the prosecution. Later, David prepared to leave for Drag Superstar, feeling uncertain about how his family would fare without him as Chapter 2 drew to a close.

May

I took a break as I prepared for Chapter 3.

June

I took a chance and started off Chapter 3 with a flash-forward to Johnny's future wedding day with a mystery spouse. Followed by going back to the present day where Carina and Skyla finally reached him about his car's extended warranty entertained him after a night at the club.

July

Johnny continued to make questionable life choices until David finally laid down the law, leading Johnny to a new job as a Production Assistant at Rainy Day Entertainment. He met his new boss, Lucy, and they became fast friends. Also, he got the cutest cat ever named Taco.

August

I built a motherfuckin mountain. I sent everyone to the mountain, then I photoshopped the shit out of the view from the mountain. Actually I finished the mountain earlier in the year...I spent many hours building and demolishing and rebuilding it while my personal life fell apart around me. And, like this mountain, I will build it back up. This is where Johnny met Lucy's brother Paul, which turned out to be a pretty big deal. Also, bonus pics of the moment PJ met in the game (in this timeline at least):

Wow they're in love

Later, Johnny was in for a surprise when he discovered the students joining the team for a new program were none other than Lexie and her friends. Awkward!

September

While things continued to be awkward between Johnny and Lexie, he got closer to his red herring co-worker Lacey. Meanwhile, Cece and Ben made time for each other the best that the could while he was on the road.

October

October was all about Drag Superstar! We followed David, aka Valerie Galloway, on his journey as a contestant. From the highs of winning the girl group challenge ("Guess I'll C-U-N-Tartosa!") to the lows of being eliminated when the stress became too much to bear, it was a wild ride!

November

November was the month of big reveals. In Drag Superstar, Lady Astrid was crowned the winner! Cece and Ben got engaged and Chantal quit school to pursue her dreams. Things began looking up for Johnny, who finally mended his friendship with Lexie and was thriving at work. After his dads decided to move to a smaller house, Johnny started on a journey of his own as he moved to a new community with a roommate, Paul...oh, and I revealed that Paul is the one who Johnny will eventually marry! Sorry, Lacey.

December

While I set up for Chapter 4, I've been having fun doing some gameplay. Johnny and Paul are getting closer and Taco is letting the world know that she will not be ignored.

This year has honestly been one of the hardest in my life, but I don't think I could have gotten through it without this hobby and this community. It means more than you'll ever know. I've been more quiet this year but my goal for 2025 is to be more interactive.

I'm so excited for another year of sharing this story and seeing everything that this community has to offer. Also I'm super pumped thinking about what the top 25 screenshots for 2025 will be like, because I have a feeling they're going to be some of the most fun yet!

[amadeusgame]

December Devlog: A Year of Progress

After launching the updated, feature-complete demo last month, I promised that by the end of 2024 I would have an updated timeline of expectations for the full release of Amadeus: A Riddle for Thee ~ Episode 1 ~ Waltz. I feel this is especially important given how many times I pushed back the launch date this year.

I think I now understand why that happened.

TL;DR:

Part 1 - On Episode 1's Timeline

Episode 1's timeline was repeatedly pushed back because I realized making the game good mattered more to me than meeting an arbitrary deadline.

The full episode will release in 2025.

A date will not be announced until the game is nearly finished.

Part 2 - Looking Back at 2024

A list of milestones between the original February demo release and the recent feature-complete update.

Read on if you'd like a lot more words on what this year has been like, and where things are at right now.

Steam | itch.io | More Links

On Episode 1's Timeline

Amadeus began development when I was in grad school studying music composition. I was in an environment where deadlines were external and they were tight, and I learned the incredibly difficult skill of "how to scope properly to actually finish things." This skill is invaluable and the very first public demo for Amadeus (the web-based one with no ink or color assets) was a product of those priorities: it was finished on a really ambitious timeline, and certain corners were cut to just get something out there on time.

One of those cut corners was definitely the narrative. I hadn't actually figured out where I was going with the story. Even in the version from February that was released on itch and Steam, I only had a vague idea of what the full story was; it was not until just last month that I had released a game accurately representing the introduction to a fully planned-out, 5-part story.

This past year, I slowly shifted priorities away from the grad school #grindset and back towards making a work of art that I am really happy with. I could have chosen to stick with my fall 2024 release date just to get something out there. If I had, the narrative would be less coherent, it would lack several gameplay features, and it wouldn't look or sound as good. It would exist, but it wouldn't be the game that it will be, now that I chose instead to take extra time and make a better game.

I do have a final release date in mind, and I am going to earnestly work towards meeting it. But I've finally learned my most important lesson from 2024: I won't announce the release date until I'm certain it will be met, until the game is finished save for pure nice-to-haves. I don't want to make any more promises that won't be kept.

I WILL make a promise that I'm certain I can keep: it's coming in 2025. If you play the updated demo I hope that you will feel confident in this too. The baseline of the game is finished and it's feeling really, really good.

So! Where are we now, a month after that demo update?

This month I've had to briefly shift focus to real life and getting a new job. My current job is part-time which has allowed me more time to focus on Amadeus, but I am not very passionate about the work itself which has ultimately caused me to burn out, both on the clock and off. It's resulted in me not being able to take advantage of my spare time because work stress was seeping into it. I am really hopeful that what I'll be moving to instead will be personally fulfilling, and still leave more time for Amadeus than a typical 40-hour 5-day work week.

While the lifestyle shift was my main priority, I still did a lot of project management work to get back into development for the final stretch. It's been a month of pulling my head out of the weeds on the now-finished demo and zooming back out to look at the full episode's remaining needs. I've read back through all of my brainstorming and planning materials, catalogued these materials for ease of future reference (which are in about 8 million different physical notebooks and digital files), and revised my outline to make sure it all makes sense with the narrative that's now finalized.

It's not the kind of month where I have lots of nice flashy things to show, but this work was definitely necessary for me to get in the right headspace to finish the rest of the project. And I did find the time to draw another background! Dartmaure now has a downtown plaza:

 December 2024 has been an important month to get me excited about the full scope of this project again and find a work-life situation that will let me stay motivated in the long term. That's vital, because Amadeus is turning into even more of a long-term commitment than I'd already known it would be.

Speaking of long-term... I want to take the remainder of this devlog to look back on the full year. I have been working on Amadeus for nearly 2 years at this point, but this past year in particular has been kind of insane.

At the start of 2024, I thought that by the end of it I would have released Episode 1, which didn't happen. I had also thought that the final episode would look and play almost exactly like the first demo, just with some additional scenes; this isn't what happened, either.

As it turns out, the game I would end up building has so much more polish and depth to it. It would even get exhibited at MAGWest's Indies showcase! I genuinely think the game I am making exceeds all of my own prior expectations of what a game I would create all on my own could be.

(I mean, let's be clear: it's still a janky no-budget solo indie passion project by most standards. But it's so much more polished and has so much more depth to it, narratively and aesthetically, even mechanically, than I would have possibly imagined a year ago.)

It's really come together over the past year, a little bit at a time.

Looking Back at 2024

February 2024 - Original Demo Release

Launched the original version of the Episode 1 ~ Waltz demo on itch.io and Steam.

This version isn't playable on itch anymore, nor is it accurate to the narrative. You can opt into the old build on Steam if you are curious, as a matter of pure historical record.

March 2024 - 100 Wishlists on Steam

Perspective: this number is small for most developers, but it was a major milestone for me.

April 2024  - Wrote a Mystery Game

Took a month away from Amadeus to write a game for the Mystery Game Jam: Robot Detective and the Case of the Automurderated Intern.

The jam host described it as having an "Agatha Christie-like twist."

This collaboration let me focus purely on the craft of writing, which later helped me really improve Amadeus's story.

June 2024 - Steam Next Fest & Major Narrative Benchmark

Participated in my first Steam Next Fest.

Very stressful and a great learning experience.

Finalized the game's full narrative and wrote 1st draft of the entire script.

July 2024 - Major Mechanics Benchmark

Coded & implemented a majority of needed key mechanics, including:

glossary menu

save & load

seamless audio looping

rich text support

visual feedback on mouseover

August 2024 - Getting There

Made an opening cinematic that plays in-game.

Redesigned menus and interactive screen UI.

Finished a new, convention-exclusive build for Amadeus.

September 2024 - MAGWest

My first ever tabling experience!

Received so much motivating, inspiring, and positive feedback on the game.

Gained confidence that the game is in a good place to be finished based on this foundation.

People loved the art and sound direction :)

November 2024 - Feature-Complete Demo

Released the current feature-complete demo update for Amadeus.

Demo build is based on the MAGWest build with additional features and a new scene.

Currently live! On itch and Steam.

For those of you that have been following the game since February, most of this isn't news; but it's still really motivating to look back and see how much was accomplished in a year. Thank you so much for following this project. Please look forward to the full release - I promise it will be so worth it!

Happy new year - and don't forget to bookmark linktr.ee/amadeusgame for all of your Amadeus-related needs. ;)

[ashes-writing-corner]

Hey guys so I'm back with this last part for Ghosts that We Knew! The story isn't over, I'm still gonna write for ghost!Ghost, just think of this as like...a season finale if that makes sense! I'll be back for "season 2" in December but I wanna take this month to work on my original story. That being said, this is kind of a long one! I hope you guys like it ^^

Taglist: @stargatenovus

Ghosts That We Knew

Part 8- Abandonment Issues

You were more than excited to hear the news: your deal had gone through for your new Cafe and bakery! The lease would be there for two years, and if your business was profitable, the place would become yours. The previous owner, now your lease holder, was a sweet older lady who had originally tried to use the place as a small tea shop, so everything you needed was mostly there. You sat Ellie down and told her the news, the little girl squeaking loudly with excitement. It was only a short distance away, about a ten minute drive from your place, so you didn't need to move, much to Ghost's relief. 

He was happy for you, he really was. But he was certain that he wouldn't be able to bear it if you left. Maybe it was his abandonment issues talking, but he always had a feeling you would leave. He couldn't blame you. The apartment wasn't the best admittedly, despite your best effort to make it a home. His death, he knew, left a heaviness around and he knew that wasn't good for Ellie. Or really you for that matter. 

Now that he knew the truth, he had been contemplating the best way to tell you. But how best to do it? You even said you didn't want to know about your donor, that the heart would feel even less like yours. But if you found out on your own, it would breed resentment. 

There was no "right" way to go about this. Only the lesser of two evils. A rock and a hard place. 

Wasn't the first time Simon was stuck in a situation like that, though he had hoped the last one would legit be the last one. 

He was selfish, he knew. He didn't want you and Ellie to leave. As far as he was concerned, you two were his family and he loved you both as best he could. But at the same time, he knew his presence in your life would only hold you back. He had thrown away his chance to live and he knew it was wrong to be so clingy to the living. 

But it was a fact. One day you and Ellie would leave, and most likely he would never see you two again. The thought filled him with dread. He wanted you to stay, but knew that just wasn't possible. The thought of you one day leaving broke something in him as he turned from the living room and back down the hall to his closet. It slammed shut, startling you and Ellie as the room grew cold. 

"Ghost?!" Ellie hopped off the sofa to the closet door and thief to open it, but it wouldn't budge, "Ghost?! What's wrong?!". 

You followed after your little girl, worried for him too. "Ghost? Hey, what's going on? Come talk to us" 

You pulled the communicator app back up, wondering what was going on. He hadn't done anything like that in months and it was concerning. He didn't want to talk, though. He wanted to be left alone, to get used to solitude again. It was best to start breaking hearts now rather than waiting for you two to break his anew. 

"Ghost…please. I can't fix this if I don't know what's wrong". 

"You can't fix this" he wanted to tell you, just like you had told him that night a few months ago, but he stayed quiet. 

"Ghost, are you mad at us?" Ellie asked, sad and worried. 

Horrid negative thoughts were going through his mind, the same ones from the night he died. He was useless, thinking that he could make the world a better place by himself. No one loved him, and anyone who did was dead because of him. Everyone would be better off without him, they just tolerated him because of the job. And now he felt like you two only tolerated him because you lived here. The hall was going icy cold as those thoughts pervaded his mind. 

Ellie wasn't about to stand for it. The little girl stepped to the closet door and put her hand on the knob. You moved to grab it. 

"Sweetie no, that's his space" you told her. 

"He needs us mama! We gotta go in there!". 

"Nöelle, listen to me. We do not overstep boundaries. Much less the boundaries of the dead when they've drawn a hard line. The closet is his space and we need to mind it"

"But mama-"

"Nöelle L/N! No more. You heard me. He will come to us in his own time. He'll be fine, I promise". 

Ellie looked saddened at that as she looked at the door. "I just want him to know that we're here for him…he thinks of us like family". 

Your tone softened at that. "He does now?". 

The little girl nodded. "We talk a lot". 

"I can imagine…" you responded thoughtfully, "we talked a little bit a few nights ago. I…I actually saw him, felt him". 

"You think Didi would've liked Ghost?" Ellie asked, cocking her head. 

Didi was the title Ellie had given to your late partner, and she hadn't talked about them in a long time. Although assigned male at birth, they didn't conform to gender norms and preferred to be referred to by they/them. When picking a parent title upon Ellie's adoption, they picked Didi because one they thought it was cure, and two it was probably the least confusing option. 

"I think Didi would've taken a while to like him, but I think they'd be good friends in the end" you finally answered.

"Maybe Didi sent him!" Ellie's face lit up at the idea, which made you smile. 

"It's…plausible" you shrugged a little. 

As negative as his feelings were in the moment, Ghost listened in. He definitely wasn't sent by anyone, but he didn't want to crush Ellie's belief in that. From what he understood, Didi had also been a soldier, unfortunately killed in the line of duty while trying to protect younger members of his unit. They had died honorably, a hero's death, very much unlike himself. 

"Fucking coward" his mind hissed at him viciously, "at least their death fucking meant something…while you made yourself brain dead in a tiny cramped closet…". 

He didn't want to think about it, but the mind was a terrible thing even in death…

Ghost didn't know how long he stayed in that closet, wallowing in his misery. It made him feel pathetic. He was supposed to be better than that, stronger than that. But ghosts were by nature miserable creatures, and unfortunately he was no exception. When he did finally emerge, he didn't know who to really go to first. You were in your room, making plans for your new bakery and Cafe. He didn't want to disrupt you. Ellie was in her room, playing with her stuffies and dressing them up for the night's events. 

It was that day again. 

Halloween. 

It explained why he felt his emotions more vividly today. It was the anniversary of his death. Now it was three years ago…

Damn time really did fly by when you were dead. 

He watched from a corner of Ellie's room as she sat her three favorite plushies (a bunny, a red panda, and a grizzly bear) at a play table and was giving them tea. It seemed he was interrupting a Halloween themed tea party. This could've been his life, he realized sadly. He could've been here playing with her, or at least helping you with preparations. 

Could've, Would've, and Should've…the three damn stooges of life (and death apparently…). 

He knew it was selfish, but he didn't want either of you to leave. He wanted this to be forever, to be permanent. You and Ellie were all he had now, all that reminded him of what it was like to be alive. You both made him feel something so sweet, a feeling that filled his chest and seemed to spread to every fiber of his being. It was warm, so warm, he realized, that for a moment he almost felt like he was indeed alive again. 

Was this love? Was this obsession? Maybe a combination of the two? He knew he didn't want it to go away. He didn't want either of you to leave him. Ghost just…didn't want to be alone anymore. 

"Ghost?" Ellie's voice pulled him away from his thoughts, "what's wrong?". 

Something inside of him softened at the question. Ellie was a complete sweetheart and he adored her. She had a huge heart for someone so small. 

"I'm alright, lovely. It's just…a rough day for me is all" he answered. 

"Why's that?" Ellie asked, pulling out a small chair for him at her table. 

Behind his mask, he smiled half amused. It was so tiny but he'd never turn down an offer to sit with the little girl's favorite friends. He sat down and she stayed close to him. 

"Halloweens a rough one for me. I…I did a really dumb thing that-"

"Did you die today?" She asked, still feeling sad for him. 

There was no point in hiding it. "Unfortunately…"

"What's it like?". 

"To die? Not something you need to know about yet. Not for a very, very long time". 

"Like when I'm thirty!"

He couldn't help but chuckle at that. Kids were funny even when they weren't trying to be. 

"Way longer than that lovey". 

Her eyes widened. "When I'm a hundred?!". 

That actually got him full on laughing. "That would be preferred actually".

A long full life is what she deserved. It's what they both deserved, really. Ellie looked at him, her eyes warm and sweet, but there was concern in them. 

"What's the matter, Ghost? Why were you sad earlier?" She asked.

"It's not something for you to worry yourself with sweetie" he tried to assure her, "my troubles are mine to deal with". 

"But Ghost…you're family" she told him, "and family's always there for each other". 

Ghost frowned but his eyes softened. "It's just…I don't wanna lose you and your mum. I care about you girls, a lot. More than I ever expected to. But at the same time…I know you guys can't stay forever". 

"Who says that?" Ellie asked. 

"It's complicated. You may be able to stay now but…eventually I know you both are gonna wanna leave. And when you do, I don't know if I'll be able to follow you. I mean, I might but it's gonna take a lot out of me". 

"We would never leave you" Ellie looked at him with utmost determination, "at least I wouldn't". 

"Thank you darling. I wouldn't even think of leaving you either" he wanted to keep himself from going into too much depth about his feelings. 

A lot of them were too heavy, too complicated for a little child to understand. He just didn't want to feel like he did in his last days: alone, and like he had no one. His loneliness was not her burden and he wouldn't dare burden her with it. 

"Oh! Mama helped me get a costume together! I'm gonna be a skeleton ghost like you!". 

Ghost blinked. Wait…she wanted to be him for Halloween? That was…interesting. He looked at Ellie intrigued. 

"I'll show you! I won't look as cool as you, but I wanted to do something like you-". 

"Honey?" Your voice called through the door, "Ellie? Is everything okay?". 

"Yeah mama…Ghost came out of the closet!". 

That got a chuckle out of him. Ellie turned to him.

"Something funny?" She asked as you came in. 

You yourself couldn't see him but felt he was definitely there. The chill was the best indicator. It wasn't a sad chill unlike earlier though, it was more of just how he was naturally. 

"Just a funny thought, dear" Ghost told Ellie as he stood when you came in. 

You looked at Ellie. "We'll need to get you ready soon. Is it alright if I borrow him for a bit?". 

Your little girl nodded. "He likes to talk to you mama. I don't mind. I think he was scared earlier". 

"Scared?". 

Ellie nodded. "He'll explain it if he's up for it". 

You raised a brow as you looked toward the empty seat. "I'll wait for you in my room". 

Ghost nodded, though he knew you couldn't see. Mostly out of respect, being rather disciplined even in death. You waited for him as Ellie busied herself for the night's candy hunt, setting up the app and placing the phone between the two of you. 

"So…Ellie says you're scared. Something scares you?" You asked, looking ahead, as Ghost stood at the end of your bed. 

He responded, the app only picking up: Don't. Leave. 

"I'm just taking Ellie out for-" it dawned on you, "wait you mean…don't leave here, as in don't leave you?". 

Yes. 

You frowned at that. "Ghost, we aren't gonna leave you. You're pretty much a part of our family at this point. Why would you think we'd just up and leave you?". 

Better. Home.

"Well yeah the apartment's a bit small, and eventually I would like to get my own place-". 

Don't. Leave. Me. 

"Ghost, can't you follow us? I've seen ghosts do that on TV all the time". 

Not. Strong. Enough. 

That didn't help things. "We have a few years, Ghost. We'll cross that bridge once we get there. But I want you to know that Ellie and I, I promise you, we will not abandon you. If you're able to come with us, if we do get a new home, there will always be space and room for you. I'll even make sure we get a spare room, to use for you most days. My sister or my mom might come over every so often so you'd have to take the haunting down a tad, but other than that, it'd be yours. I just want you to be happy and if we make you happy, then you're definitely free to come with us. I won't stop you. I don't want to". 

And you meant it. Ghost really was a part of your family, in a way. He made life interesting. He was kind, when he could be, and gentle when he had to be. Who knew a ghost could be such a positive thing? To an extent, you wondered if he was a guardian angel of sorts, perhaps even sent by your partner. It was a stretch but an interesting thought. 

As for Ghost, he sensed no lies on you. You meant every word and then some. He could trust you, despite something in him deep down telling him it wasn't smart. 

"Be careful who you trust, sergeant. People you know can hurt you the most" he remembered telling Soap all those years ago…

But just like Soap, he trusted you. You, just like him, had weaseled your ways into his heart, figuratively and literally. It seemed his defenses were easier to slip through than he realized…

Soap. 

"What?" That was the second time in the past month he mentioned soap. You looked at your phone puzzled. 

Johnny. 

You didn't know anyone named Johnny. You looked up at the supposed blank space where the apparition was. "Who is that?". 

Mac. Tavish. 

"Johnny and Mac Tavish?" You didn't get it. 

Soap. 

"Okay you aren't making any…wait" you blinked, putting the pieces together, "Johnny MacTavish? I don't know anyone with that name". 

You picked the phone up and made a note in it of the name. If time allowed, perhaps you could look it up? 

"Friend of yours?" You asked. 

Yes. 

At least yes or no questions could be easily answered. You gave a soft half smile. "I'll try to look him up later. Gonna help Ellie get ready for trick or treating. Wanna try and join us?". 

Try. 

And that was all you could ask of him. It's all anyone could really ask of anyone...

If you guys liked this please let me know! I love when you guys comment so please feel free to like, comment, and please reblog and tell me your thoughts! I'll be continuing this in December, but for now, I got an original story to work on ^.^ thank you so much :)

-Ash

[dumbpuppycatgirl]

how do I tell if I’m trans

(sorry your my only transfem moot (I think))

Short answer:

I know because being a girl(-adjacent being) makes me happy. Moving towards happiness helped me (even though i sabotage myself at every step every day)

See also:

https://amitrans.org/

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

My full story under the cut:

My story starts in 2020, like so many modern trans stories do, when i was stuck online and found a new community where someone came out as trans. I asked her a lot of questions and she told me to experiment.

So i experimented, i bought skirts and other clothing online; bought like an anime school girl outfit because idk cute?

I started pretending to be a girl on reddit and discord when i joined a large overwatch server under a mew account, trying out several names.

On reddit i also started looking into trans memes and started reading experiences of trans people.

Within a few months i had made a first decision for myswlf really sternly: i do not want to be a guy.

I started talking about it with my therapist and she was very helpful and supportive.

The community i joined at the start of this story i found more friends and more queer friends and we were joking around having fun.

A real life friend bought some make up for me when i talked with her about me questioning, which was very nice but even 3 years later i have barely actually used any of it. I am terrified of make up, and hate seeing my face. Always hated seeing my face.

In my reading and relating to trans stories i stumbled upon the three websites linked above. The genderdysphoria bibke eslecially was extremely helpful.

After making that first decision around december 2020 and getting help from resl life people around early 2021 it still took forever to answer "if not a man, then what?" Im not sure i have the answer now. What i have figured out now that i have tried make up, wear more femme clothing, go by a fem name and changed my legsl gender is that im generally much happier being a woman.

Im not sure im a woman, or at least maybe not always, but "woman" is much much closer to what i 'am' than "man", if that makes sense.

During the second half of my questioning phase, when i read the dysphoria bible, i started realising that mayyyybe there were hints during my childhood... wanting to play a girl character during the one singular open theatre day i attended when i was like 11 or so might have been a clue.

I realised that my obsession with TF-TG comics was not a cis thing lmao. I realised that men generally dont feel "cursed" to have the body they have.

I did make some changes to my body over time, though, as i started living on my own also in 2020 to be a student i had much more freedom to do things secretly. Bought jewelry to wear inside only, and dyed my hair, which was amazing.

During the summer of 2021, my cousin got married, and i had to wear a suit, of course, which felt painful. Cementing my not wanting to be a man feeling. Dead eye smile all the way.

Later that year i had some talks with my brother about feeling so extremely limited in my choices for clothing and expression and what not and that being a man felt like a prison. He was very nice about it and said that clothing is not gendered if youre not a coward. I liked that a lot.

Soon after i came out as trans fem to my close online friends (none of who were surprised). Meer my now boyfriend that winter and everything was great.... except no one irl knew.

Still took me 3 months to come out to my neighbours (student living so i spent a lot of time with them) and my family. Both coming out messages were sent over WhatsApp at like 2 am and turned off my phone and locked the door. Coming out is hard.

Since then, now 2.5 years later, it had not been all roses and sunshine. But it has been better. I started to feel like i was a person, i started being able to think about a future, beyond extremely surface level, "guess, I'll get a job somewhere and get s house idk". My dad remarked that i stood much more upright when wearing my dress than when boymoding.

My parents luckily took it extremely well, they kinda also had to, as since my coming out my 2 brothers have also been fruity lmao. Within 6 months my family went from "good christian family with 3 sons" to having a trans girl, a gay and a femboy. Im still convinced my mom is an egg. I like my queer family.

Anyway, moral of the story is this: experiment and do what makes you happy. I still dont know how to label myself completely but that is also not too important. Im much happier with myself now than before.

[ask-lighty-ii]

[ oooh thiz is really fun. I barely get to talk to anyone about the alternate world thing :D ]

Ok, lightbulb talkin.

I tried to copy the questionz but this zilly phone we have doezn't want to and zhut off whn I tried [ wonder why ]

Thiz iz gonna be long

Anywayz, you've got zome queztions :3

-- Fan'z queztionz --

1.) "WHATS GOING ON AND WHERE ARE U???"

I don't know!! We're kind of in thiz weird place where therez no objectz but me and zuitcaze.

Everyone elze iz.. y'know how we have armz and ztuff, well imagine the thingz our armz are made of but an entire body. Doez that make any zence?

2.) "CAN WE MEET UP???"

I don't think zo :[ I wanna though, i mizz you guyz

3.) "IS THERR ANOTHER ME WITH YOU?? OR A TEST TUBE?"

nope :[ thatz why we mizz you guyz. I've been here zince the ztart of the month [ zuitcaze hazel been here zince the ztart of lazt month ] [ December 2nd and November 4th to be exact -💼 ]

4.) "AND WHAT HAPPENED TO UR PAINTBRUSH?"

nothing happened, I think, they juzt didnt come with uz ;^;. However it iz we even got here

And hii fan :] hii to all of ya

-- Test tubes questions --

1.) "And, what exactly is your environment like?"

Alright, Suitcase here, Lightbulb briefly explained it. And truly, it's really hard to explain. You think about the real world, I assume, and it seems a lot like that but.. bigger.. more real

Maybe I am not the best person to talk about being real but regardless, there's a lot more stuff we have to on a day to day basis

On ii we just really had the show and besides that, well, it was minor stuff. Nothing took nearly as much effort as what we're doing now.

School, I mean we technically have an unofficial job. Its kind of crazy to be here, everything is so starkly different from how it was before

2.) "Are you aware of... the extents of MeLife, and MePhone4's 'creative ability?' Of Steve Cobs' transgressions"

Unfortunately very much so

As much as I'd like to put everything behind me I still know about.. everything

Once i got comfortable here [ relatively ] I hoped the hallucinations would go away, that I wouldn't be tied to what i was before being transported here. But their not, and... ok, that's enough

3.) "Do you know if you are real?"

Both unfortunately and fortunately not out of context

And yes? Maybe?

Like Lightbulb said earlier we've been here a month [lb] and 2 months respectably

Which means Lightbulb is very much connected to your Lightbulb in an emotional sense [ everything you did in ii feels like she did it essentially. Even though she wasn't necessarily there ]

I, however, do not associate with many actions your Suitcase did in the finale. [ as much as I hate Cobs I couldn't do what your Suitcase did ]. I seemed to have formed here just before your Suitcase was able to overcome her fears and such. Meaning that didn't transfer over to the Suitcase here.

Kind of a side tangent there, but describing "real" isn't really something that comes naturally. Since the concept of "real" is incredibly abstract in and of itself

All this information comes from watching the show by the way, that is something we have access to here.

If I ever find out away to get in better contact with you guys I'll let you know. - 💼⚛️

Zide note, i REALLY want to zend you picturez of us/where we are. But Apricot zayz thatz dangerouz. [ Apricot iznt an apricot iznt that weird? ]

[ Atom verse works just fine for the both of us ]

I hope we answered your questions effectively and I look forward to talking with you again. Sorry about the incredibly long ask by the way.

-💡⚛️ & 💼⚛️

Fascinating. Fascinating! FASCINATING!

Your responses are greatly appreciated, I assure you! This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I hoped would come out of contact with the Internet of the real world!

and sharing cookie pizza recipes!! :D

Yyyes, that too. Anyhow! This information… information on a universe containing alternate versions of objects I know, from TWO PRIMARY SOURCES! This is scientifically revolutionary at the LEAST! I need to document this! And make copies!

Someone get me a portable photocopier and a ballpoint pen! No, two of each! And a slice of that cookie pizza! Be right back!

i think u’ve sent test tube into shock, in a good way :p

sooo taking over while shes documenting stuffs, hiiii!!1 fan here, thanx for answering!!!!!!! we hope ur school duties are going well and stuffs!! im trying 2 get our lightbulb and suitcase 2 come say hi…….

HI!!!!!!

Um, hi! This is the… the other Suitcase? Apparently there are more than two-ish, so I’ll go with Test Tube’s title for our… online presence. So, this is ALI!Suitcase! Hope you, uh, get better at overcoming your fears and all.

(I know it doesn’t come easy. Definitely didn’t for me, haha, and I’m still working on it. But just, um, talk to your friends whenever you’re feeling down. I know any version of Lightbulb would be happy to help. And family and whoever you trust. And work on some grounding methods, and get enough sleep, and take your meds, and… I don’t know, make some popcorn? You got this. Sorry, rambling.)

GOOD SPEECH, SUITCASE!!! to atom!suitcase, i am digitally wiring you TWO ENTIRE SLICES OF COOKIE PIZZA RIGHT NOW. BITE PHONE TO RECIEVE

I’m back! Don’t bite your phone, please. Lightbulb needs to quit doing that. No, Lightbulb, don’t you da

[fraosinfandoms]

Redid my reference sheet back in december! I'm still not 100% with their design tbh but im too lazy to do a redesign again! Also i cannot keep their wing size consistent it's horrendous. (Maybe at the end of the year ill redo it again ... a version 3 ... like its a tradition ...)

Edit: I've now turned this into a masterpost for my oc so have a summary of their stories!

Canon:

World setting: Quick explanation of the world bc it's important to understand why I wrote what I wrote. The world is basically the same as ours except with hybrids and magic and stuff (I'll shortly refer to this as just hybrids) and also better in the sense that people are more tolerant. Even though humans still make up the majority of the population, you'll rarely see any specism going on. I don't base the places where everything goes on on a specific country/culture, just how I see the world (though I definitely wouldn't say everything takes place in Belgium). SO to say it shortly, it's a happy world made for me to self-indulge.

Story: Fraos grew up on a farm with their dad. They are pretty well off, not millionaires or anything but they can afford niceties. Fraos is homeschooled by their dad who is pretty good at it. Their dad is a chicken avian like them and his name ... is David (I suck ass at coming up with masc names sorry). Once Fraos is 'graduated' from secondary (I am going to use the Flander's school system fuck you guys with ur highschool and shit) they decide they want to go to college and live on their own during that. They also wanna try and live off their own money, so while their dad provides the money needed to attend college and the first month or two of rent, Fraos gets 2 jobs. A day and a night job. the day job is working at a cat shelter, and the night job is working at a night cafe (idk if this actually exists but in the first itteration of the story it was a bar but that doesnt fit in with my current vision). The only reason they do 2 jobs it purely because they want to, even though 1 would suffice. At college they are studying photography, and then we are in the present day in canon. I hope that's a bit clear.

One thing I didnt mention is that their mom died when they were like 3-4 years old so I thought I'd say that real quick. Their mom was a snow owl avian

I'll write out their story eventually and then post it on ao3 and link to that here :)

Alternate universes:

Okay so Fraos is in 2 alternate universes and 1 au that is kinda not an au but it's complicated, and I'm also going to add summaries to those stories here bc im on a roll anyway

Starting off the the au but not an au bc the other two aus are loosely based on this on. This is the story I have made with a couple of friends over the past like 4 years or so about our minecraft SMPs. We are on our 4th one right now, and I'll only be talking about that one bc Fraos wasnt a thing in the first 3, rather it was a different oc whom I killed off in the 3rd smp. I am however not going to explain the entire story and setting bc then I'd still be writing by tomorrow

Fraos goes through roughly the same stuff as in the original story, but instead of wanting to go to college they wanna go explore the world, so they do. Eventually at some point they get knocked out off the air by some wind and crash into a little camp. This camp is from a group of travelers who are searching for the Farlands, and Fraos decided to join them because it's a great way to explore. Eventually they all give up on their search, especially bc there are some elders who are on the verge off death. (I mean they do die somewhat but that's too long to explain and not important rn). they all settle near eachother, Fraos settling in a small mountain area. Semi important is that they arent used to being around other people so they may or may not spy on people to see how to act. Anyway and bunch of stuff happens and eventually a tech guy named Ximie wages war on the non tech people, which are Elmo Jr. and, well, Fraos. Somehow. I actually dont know bc we never write this shit out and it makes me forget what the consensus is. Anyway uuhmm sort of nuken and nuclear warfare blabla bla they all have to move bc their homes are destroyed fromm the war and they go to a desert (for some reason all of them idk). Fraos is really upset that their home got destroyed and is now trying their best to recover.

Might make a ref sheet later bc the outfits are different here

The next au is my from one to another au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/4077508). Just know that they're a wizard mage whatever and they lived on a ship before they docked long time in the primary location of the story. I made this design in gacha life 2 so here you go:

It's a bit outdated tbh cuz they DEF would not wear a skirt (i dont even know what that outfit is for anymore) but yeah. I cannot draw that hat for shit so this is all you get.

And then the last au, my personal favourite is my I love my wife au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/4419658) which is just pure self-indulgence and me trying to write a romantic relationship shipping mine and my online wife's ocs (we arent actually together btww thought I'd mention that. she does have a girlfriend and everything I write is just fiction, not RPF)

Here the story is exactely the same as the original, except they meet Smiley and everything. If you wanna know more just read it, but know 99% of it was written around or past midnight. I didnt write everything in chronological order and i keep procrastinating on making a list with everything in order sooooo just figure it out tbh

Here their design is just the same as the original

Thanks for reading my yap 🙏

[claraxbarton]

You might have answered this before, BUT I’m a recent follower and curious ok!! Generally speaking, what is your writing process like? I’m genuinely so impressed by how many different fics you’ll have going simultaneously and they’re all updated SO frequently. AND THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD?? Like do you have vague plans/outlines or drafts that you expand on/edit? Your accountability post will mention writing a few thousand words and then there’s an update the same day and it’s written so well lmao it blows my MIND bc it seems like you just come up with the plot on the fly and then casually write a lil masterpiece after work like it’s nbd. All of this to say I appreciate your work so much ♥️

<3

So uh, to start off with, I'm guessing when you say you recently started following me, you're probably just reading my HRPF fics? I SAY that/ask that because I've bounced through a few fandoms and I kind of go back and forth between being VERY prolific and finishing up projects and kind of... losing steam.

To be fair to me and not to scare anyone off, before this year I have, for the last decade and change, been juggling two full time jobs, part time work, childcare and a lot of volunteer work PLUS trying to write so like, I'm cutting myself some slack on abandoned projects. Because I'm finally down to 1 full time job and 1 part time gig that is only during the summer. I will ALSO say, in December I switched meds for my anxiety/depression so I'm on a new dose, new meds for the first time in 5 years and I do think that's been really impactful in a positive way.

SO, exposition and TMI out of the way:

I wish I could say I had a really clear process that I follow every time, but I don't want to lie. I create docs with notes - I'm thinking about including those as an epilogue chapter on the fics I'm currently working on, if anyone is interested in my scribbles aside from myself and my beta - and SOMETIMES I create outlines. A lot of the time, I will write a chapter or two and THEN create the outline? That's what happened with Gold Rush, but also with Gold Rush, I have already deviated from the outline like... a lot.

I'm trying to be way more chill with myself than I used to be. I was in this deep grind of forcing myself to be productive because that's where my value was (@kangofu-cb is a real one and has been trying to beat this out of me for years. Beating with love). And I'll be honest, being kinder to myself and putting less pressure is, like, so far, so good.

I usually have about, like... a dozen or so fic ideas in my head at any one time (@dwisp can attest to the DAILY messages of 'hear me out' as can @kangofu-cb), but I uh, I really feel 4 long fic is my simultaneous max.

I also have a problem with like, so if you DO want to read some of my not HRPF stuff, I think a good primer is the WinterhawkHood month I did in October with a fic a day, and the consistent issue is: I feel like I'm really good at creating a premise and that premise wants to exist beyond 2-5k. So longfic is probably the format to best tell the stories I want to tell, but, like, writing shorter fic is a lot of fun? That also does NOT answer your question.

Oh! MUSIC! It's so so so so important to my process. I used to put on specific artists, like really get into a singular vibe for a fic. But these days it's just my routine sleepy sad girl playlists (name coined by a former assistant and like she wasn't wrong). Which also probably explains how much sad sack Leon there is in my current fics. I should probably like, get some new playlists going...

Uh, in terms of like, my style/my ideas... so my professional life is theatre adjacent, and I think because of that, dialogue and THE INCITING INCIDENT are really important to me. So usually any fic idea forms around the kernal of the meet ugly and some choice words.

Like, for Gold Rush, I absolutely started from the idea of Leon being a bitch to the press and getting a text from an unknown number/Matthew and it just grew from there.

For Playing Favorites, I absolutely wanted to have former camboy Vince realize his new... work colleague??? Adam Larsson knew he was a former camboy. Which is funny because that moment happens in the middle of the fic (which I AM going to update again soon, y'all might vote consistently for Gold Rush in the polls but this weekend I think it's gotta be some love for my two Lars&Dunn fics).

For Northern Attitude, that inciting incident is, uh, about to occur in ch4 that I'm currently working on. And it's. Well. Yeah. So I got the idea for that 'scene' if you will first and then figured it out backwards?

For Wildfire that, too, has an inciting incident that has yet to make it into a chapter. But she's coming soon.

So really, only Gold Rush started as the beginning as far as ideas went for me? That said, I still START at the beginning when I write. I used to scribble down scenes and then piece them in, but I honestly found it constrained me more than anything else and I'm aware that doesn't make much sense.

I feel like this entire answer is a total nonanswer of me just blathering away. I hope at least part of this is what you wanted and uh... sincerely? Thank you for asking. It means a lot and like, my process is weird and inconsistent but I do genuinely love to talk about my writing.

[triptychgrip]

Twin Blades: a Twin Peaks/Yuri!!! on Ice crossover pitch

Note: I have no plans to write this...I have too many WIPs as it is! This is just a fun brainstorm

Fire, Walk With Me Ice, Skate With Me

The cryptic message, written in blood on a piece of notebook paper, was found attached to reigning World Champion Laura Palmer's Sara Crispino’s skates, just minutes after her leg was broken in a brutal assault 1 day prior to the 1994 World Figure Skating Championships. After Nancy Kerrigan, and then Tanja Szewczenko, Sara was the 3rd Ladies Single skater to be attacked in the span of just 1.5 months, and local law enforcement in Portland, Oregon has decided they need to call in reinforcements.

Luckily, FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper Viktor Nikiforov is on the job, and though he initially set off with a hankering for cherry pie, all thoughts of the dessert have just been wiped from his mind.

As he and his standard poodle Makkachin enter the town perimeter of Twin Blades (population 51K), Agent Nikiforov continues with the message he's been recording on his tape recorder.

"Diane Yakov, lunch was 9 dollars and 31 cents at the Yu-topia Inn, it's on highway 2 at Lewis Fork. That was a pork cutlet bowl -- called Kat-su-don -- with a side of daikon radish and miso soup. And, a mini katsudon bowl for Makka! Damn good food. Yakov, if you ever get up this way, that katsudon is worth a stop." (At the memory of how the two of them scarfed down the wonderful meal made by Hiroko-san), Viktor lets a heart-shaped smile take over his face before getting back to business.)

"Ok, I'll be meeting up with Sheriff Truman Katsuki -- you know the one...Yakov, if you don't know who that is by now, then you definitely haven't been listening to my tapes, and we'll need to have a word, because I'm counting on your advice to woo Yuuri! I mean really, I'm still in shock that he actually reached out to me through the Bureau like that, but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth...I'm just relieved that I wasn't the only one that had a life-changing experience at that law enforcement conference in Chicago back in December!

Anyways, the two of us are going to go to intensive care, and look in on that Italian skater -- Sara Crispino -- whose leg was broken in that assault last week."

...

Interrogation Room, Twin Blades Sheriff's Department (two days later)

Yuuri and Viktor exchange shrewd glances at Bobby Briggs' Mickey Crispino's rising volume and visible agitation. Viktor feels a thrill of delight rocket up his spine at the eye contact; only yesterday, Yuuri wasn’t even able to look at him, and now, they’re starting to develop a shared body language, all of their own!

“So what if we we fought? Is that a crime, now, to have a fight with my own sister?” Crispino bellows.

Ugh.

Mickey is a wonderful example of why Viktor despises hockey players.

“Mila's nowhere good enough for her, so of course we butt heads from time to time…it's natural for me to get protective over her!” Mickey continues, spit flying every which way. “Maybe I get too bent out of shape when it comes to their relationship, but your insinuation that my jealousy would lead me to attack Sara right before her attempt to defend her title…?! Its’s beyond insulting!”

Viktor is just about to ask a follow-up (and wipe his face), when Deputy Sheriff Andy Guang-Hong knocks on the door. The poor guy's eyes are still very red-rimmed, and once again, Viktor is reminded of how rare violent assaults like Sara’s are in Twin Blades. As he'd explained earlier on the phone to his colleague, forensic analyst Albert Rosenfield Seung-Gil Lee, the town is tiny.

There are really only two lodging options (Yu-topia Inn and the Great Northern Hotel), 1 entertainment venue (The Roadhouse Ice Castle), and 1 food establishment (the Double R Diner) the Double J Diner, run by the Leroys). Industry is the opposite of varied; the town runs on all things winter sports, hockey and figure skating, primarily.

Yuuri's background info on the potential sale of the Packard Sawmill Ice Castle to a visiting delegation of Norwegian Japanese businessmen only lends another layer of mystery to the serial skater attack spree. In addition to why cocaine was found in Sara's diary -- when everyone swears she would never jeopardize a competition disqualification by way of drug use -- and the undoubtable supernatural presence in the woods that only Minako Okukawa truly seems able to grasp, Viktor is well aware that he has his work cut out for him...both on the romance front and work front.

-----

Twin Peaks is one of my favorite shows, and b/c I now tend to see Viktuuri in everthing I consume, when I started rewatching season 1 a few weeks back, I couldn't help but start to brainstorm around a possible crossover/AU. If you've watched the show, I'm sure you're well aware that it is very dark, so the figure skating element/YOI ensemble shenanigans would definitely lighten things up (no incest, drug or prostitution rings, only bloodthirsty athletic rivalries, shady business dealings and jaded love).

Here are some other things that came to mind:

-Yuuko as the sole owner of Ice Castle, and loosely based on femme fatale Josie Packard. Since Yuuri is not a skater in this AU, she instead puts all of her energy into encouraging Mila to gain the attention of her skating idol (and eventual girlfriend, Sara)...but is her encouragement truly selfless, or is she a much shrewder business owner than Twin Blades' townspeople give her credit for? And was she involved in the murder of her late husband, Takeshi, as Agent Nikiforov comes to suspect?

-Minako as a slightly less eccentric Lawrence Jacoby. Minako was the first person that Sara confided in when she fell in love with Mila, and it was through Minako that Sara found the courage to be open about her relationship with the rest of her family. Minako is one of the few in Twin Blades that is knowledgeable about the supernatural presences in the forest, and many suspect that her youthful appearance is connected to this

-the Nishigori triplets having the combined mischievousness and cunning of Audrey Horne (Minus the blatant flirting with Agent Cooper Nikiforov, b/c that would be weird). Georgi as the Log Lady Gentleman, lmao. Poor guy...no one can take him seriously

As I note in the title, I probably won't actually write this, but if anyone else is a Peaks fan, please let me know! It's such a bizarre and wonderful world that I love to think about :)

[avengersassemble-fics]

hello there

wow.

so.. its been awhile, hasn't it? like a long.. long time. sure, a couple posts but my last actual post was december 21, 2021.. crazy!

have I written anything since then? no, not really. re-read some of my work, thought "man this shit is so fuckin good" ..but I just honestly wasn't well enough to sit here and write. as much as I missed it.

what's new?.. a mess and depressed! but working through it. if you read my person posts in the pass, I worked at an optical store for a big big brand (not naming names) that felt like my soul was getting sucked out of me.. retail, amiright?

but seriously. I was there for 4 years by July of this year. in October, the manager I had been with since getting hired was moved to a store closer to her (congrats bestie) which opened up the management role for the one I was in.

I interviewed!! ...I didn't get it!!

devastated. like everything I had ever done was for fucking nothing. all the times I covered, where I took charge when the manager was out, the shitty position of just being under the threshold of FT so I never got the FT benefits (pto.. I was a feign for wanting time off). I interviewed, never got a definitive answer from the dm, until the news was laid on us that someone was hired.

someone who had less than a years experience, from a sister brand that sold non-rx sunglasses. A MAN. nothing wrong with me, I love men, but it was a gut punch. I had to continue being in charge for 2-3 months while this guy got trained for the position I felt I was deserving of.

and when he started it was absolute shit. I have never met someone so fuckin lazy. he refused to close, refused to work most weekends, never helped clean or help keep things organized, left me to handle signage changes and other things, stating stupid shit like "I didn't sign up for that" when like.. yes you did? that's literally the whole point of being a manager? the last week of the year is extremely busy in the optical space, because people want to use their benefits before the end of the year (use it or lose it). december 31, 2022.. what did he do? he left me and my coworker alone so he could go home early. we did ten thousand dollars in sales that day. that is what the store would average a week. we did it in a day.

my depression got worse.. but I did get my associates in psychology (cute). it wasn't until February of this year that I finally got a break. ya girl got a new job, in an office, not having to sell anything! perfection.

I moved out of my parents (it's def a struggle but.. my cat and I are happy), I officially was diagnosed with a chronic disease this year, working on my mental health everyday, did my first semester of uni..

and I miss this. writing, posting, daydreaming. I want to come back but I'm not sure if it is possible on this blog or if I'll have to start fresh elsewhere. but this place is my writing home (and AO3).

if you read all the way through, thank you. I hope to be back soon with new content (branching out of my comfort zone! finish old stories!)

until next time not two years from now..

xoxo caitlyn

[academic-comeback]

Week 2: (This is a rant, but the information is still useful)

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025. As noted in my hiatus, I have not stuck to working on this blog. The August-December (fall semester) season has been quite the ride, and I've learned so many new things about myself, the way I operate and I believe it will help in the spring semester when I start school again. These past few months have incurred a multitude of changes within my life. I still don't have much of a social life, however I've been a lot happier since being out of school. I like the freedom in my life and not having such a rigid schedule. Working a lot has kept me busy, and through my job I've learned to love the little things, and I've adapted the "Lucky Vicky" mindset, coined by the Kpop idol Gang WonYoung (whose English name is Vicky). She stated that "... even for things that might seem small and insignificant, If you can appreciate each one and see the beauty in them, I believe you can have a 'Lucky Vicky' day." Simple things like extra food at work, having a green light when I go through a turn or intersection, or even seeing the last of what I'm looking for at the store have made me be more appreciative of life and the things that I have. And when things are unavailable to me, it's a sign it wasn't meant for me. I don't need it yet, or I didn't need to spend the money anyways. More recently, I've also been focusing on having a decent amount of sleep every night. I look at what time I need to be at work the next day, and try to have at least 7 hours of sleep the night before. I've also started waking up at least two hours before I have to be at work in order to give myself time to relax before I even get there. Most of the time may or may not be spent snoozing, but it's still more time that I'm aware of the world, and it's a step forwards from waking up an hour before and scrambling to get my things together, hair styled and all of the things. I've learned that rigid routines don't always work for me. Classes and work are definitely priorities, but they're the only rigidness in my day. I've set lists for everything that needs to get done, but I'm not waking up at precisely this time every day and going to the gym at exactly this time on these specific days. I hate that, and it gets insanely boring to me. The lists help me organize my days and what needs to get done, while also allowing for me to understand when I could get certain things done. The fluidity helps a lot in actually getting a task done. Laundry day on my day off? Start it before I go to take a shower, then put it in the dryer when I go to bed ( or whenever it's finished ). I'll finish folding it in the morning, which helps it feel like a separate task and not one big long boring task.

I also have planners everywhere. I have a physical one, a Notion Calendar, and a Google calendar set up. I love to write things down, but the internet's tools allow for more moving around and flexibility. So I use both. Plus, it's so nice to just pull out my phone and know exactly when class and school take place so I can plan other things accordingly. Overall, I think that having a semester off to just be a free young adult with very little bills to worry about (thank you to my family for letting me live with them) has allowed me to grow the most. I have a better understanding now of how I operate and what to expect for myself in the coming semester. And in stark contrast to just a few months ago, I feel like I am at the highest and happiest point in my life at the moment, and am even more excited to be a student than I ever would have been should I have gone back to university immediately. And while I'm starting a completely different certificate program at a community college, by the end of this summer I feel I will be more equipped to be a student in my bachelors program at my university when I finally return there.

[tearsinmyvalyrianeyes]

٠ ࣪⭑ -- Coffee Date

summary quote - ✎﹏ "It seemed that his heart belonged to only himself, and Rhaenyra was determined to change that."

or

the part in 50 shades where christian invites anna out to talk about their arrangement. this part is meant to be short, kinda like the last one but this one sprinkles in some lore. it also introduces the main problem in the story. Set : December 9th, 2013

notes - comments and kudos are always appreciated and i respond to each one !!! the ask box is for any suggestions ao3 link | last chapter | next chapter

Rhaenyra sniffles, the scent of paint has never been a particularly pleasant one. Today was a slow day, at least, so she could get away with slacking off as long as it looked like she was doing something. She never wanted the job in the first place, but she was stuck there since according to her father she needed to learn 'team building skills'. She rolls her eyes at the thought. Viserys never made Aegon get a job, and he had been old enough to drive for a while now. A customer comes in but she ignores them. Either Laena or Laenor could go help them, she thought. But just as Rhaenyra's about to put her head down and sleep at her desk someone taps her on the shoulder. 

"Hm?" She answers, still not looking up.

"It's me, angel. Gods, you weren't even going to help your poor uncle, were you?" Rhaenyra takes a deep breath and then sighs. Her uncle is fully capable of helping himself to most things in the shop, he just picked this particular day to be difficult. 

She yawns, rubbing her eyes before standing up next to Daemon. "Did you need anything special?" She ditches the customer service voice this time. After all, what's Daemon going to do? Snitch on her to her father and tell him that his daughter is a bad cashier? She doesn't even need this job but because of her family's status the boss won't fire her.

After collecting the rope Daemon needed, they both make their way back to the register. A weird thing to purchase, Rhaenyra thinks, but she's too out of it to truly question his decisions. "So how is your mother?" Daemon asks once Rhaenyra hands him the receipt and the rope he came all this way to bother her for.

"She's... good, I guess." She looks around, giving Laenor a judging look when she spots him in the breakroom with Laena. "I don't know, I haven't been home in a month or two."

"Hm." Daemon pushes Rhaenyra's glasses up for her, which she flinches at. "When are you off from work? Maybe we could get hot chocolate or... maybe we could go back to my place."

Rhaenyra fights back a smile. Of course Daemon would remember that she hates prefers hot chocolate to coffee. She doesn't pick up on the fact that he's flirting with her, but she can sense something different in his tone. "We could go to Genevieve's at 2:00... then your place." She full on grins now, enjoying the feeling of her uncle's hands in her hair. This always happens, she notices. She'll go without talking to Daemon in person for a while, sometimes even exceeding half a year, then they meet again and Daemon does something that makes her swoon.

"Good. It's a date then, I'll call you." 

At two, Rhaenyra is sitting on her bed, anxiously awaiting Daemon's call. She can't understand why she's so nervous. Sure, she likes him, but she could talk to all of her previous crushes without all of this... mess. With Criston, her family's bodyguard who was assigned to her for quite some time, she had no issues trying to impress him or even having regular conversations. With Harwin, who was a guy she briefly dated after meeting him through a friend, there were barely any feelings there at all. Things are different with Daemon, they always have been. 

"I'll just have the hot chocolate, no whipped cream, and a butter cookie." Daemon gives Rhaenyra a look from across the table, one of those looks that she knows means he's about to say something either wildly inappropriate or stupid. "What...? What is it, come on, I know you're gonna ask me something." She chuckles, trying to stay quiet because the restaurant is almost dead silent. 

"Nyra," He places a hand on hers. "Do you have a... little crush on me?" She gasps and tries to move away from him, but her efforts only bring them closer. "I won't be mad, just tell me." After a pause she nods. Her uncle must like her too, she thinks. Why else would this occasion feel more like a date than a family get-together?

"Your honesty pleases me." Daemon says, sighing. "This does cause difficulties, I must admit." Rhaenyra understands. Her uncle has never been one to date, flings and one night stands were always more his style. He had just been in a cheating scandal not too long before his most recent divorce, and by how distraught Rhea looked as she packed her things to leave him Rhaenyra guessed he wasn't a very good boyfriend or husband. "We can't date?" Rhaenyra frowned when she asked the question, taking a bite of her cookie. She began to go over possible reasons her uncle might not desire her. It couldn't have been that they were related, incest was legal where they lived and had been practiced by their family for centuries. Now that his wife was out of the way, there should be no reason Daemon wouldn't rush to put a ring on his niece's finger. Perhaps he has someone? It wouldn't be totally off brand for him to find someone new when he had just signed divorce papers three months ago.

"I don't do the whole 'girlfriend' thing." Daemon mutters, chuckling at Rhaenyra's obvious confusion. "Gets in the way." He takes a small sip of his americano. 'gets in the way of what?' she wonders. Her uncle had always been a perplexing mystery. It seemed that his heart belonged to only himself, and Rhaenyra was determined to change that. "But... what about what happened last week in your office? Did you really only want for things to stay like this?" Rhaenyra fidgets nervously. "Relationships are complicated. So are feelings. If we were to... do any of what you want, there would be consequences." Rhaenyra tries, she tries desperately to listen and hear what her uncle is saying but she just can't understand. 

She stays silent for the rest of the time they spend in that small café. When they're ready to leave Daemon notices her perturbed expression. "It's not that you're immature," He starts off his statement in the worst way. He must think she's immature, that's probably exactly what it is. "You're a very smart girl, I just..." Rhaenyra's eyes narrow in the same way that they used to whenever she'd lose a game of uno to Daemon. "You're too young." He finally says the words she never wanted to hear. She sighs, letting go of his hand as they walk down the busy sidewalk together. As she's led into one of her uncle's cars, she makes a promise to herself that she'll prove Daemon wrong. She can be mature, their age difference won't matter, he'll see.

[pebblysand]

okay so i just saw this on my dash and as someone who's been writing in fandom for over 15 years, including two long works which were posted over long periods of time (18 months for the first one, 3 years and counting for the second), i actually have a lot to say about this.

now, the first thing i want to say, anon, is: god, i feel you, it's So Hard. you see all of these little voices in your comment section, boosting you and cheerleading your story, and then they drop out. the first chapter goes by and you're like: okay, maybe they haven't had time, then another one, then another one. and, you assume automatically that you are the one doing something wrong. that this story mustn't be interesting enough to hold people's interest - it's easy to spiral.

now, i have good news and bad news: this is both true, and not. this is true in the way that if you think about it in very basic terms, this person/these people have dropped out your story. so, yeah, in a way, it probably wasn't worth their time anymore.

but what you need to know is that this is actually very rarely, if ever, about you or your story. the truth is that: growth in content creation on the internet is not linear. especially with long-works that you post over multiple months and years. with these, you're actually subject to tidal waves of people going in, and leaving all of the time. youtuber lucy moon recently made a tiktok about this where she explained that it was the 3rd time in her 6/7 year career that she hit a 100k on instagram. because, as she puts it: "you hit it, then people get tired of your face, they unfollow you, new people come in, etc."

now, the thing is, when you're a youtuber with hundreds of thousands of subs, you might not notice it day-to-day, but when you're a fanfic writer with a certain number of comments per chapter from people who's pseuds you've learnt to recognise, it is so easy to notice when someone drops off, which obviously makes it also easier to question yourself. additionally, people typically find fics in doves. you'll get recced by one big account for example, or mentioned in a big discord, and suddenly, all these news followers will appear. so, unfortunately, a lot of the time, a lot of these people will drop off around the same time (for reasons cited below), which will feel like it's a mass phenomenon. but again, it's probably not about your fic.

being very candid here for a minute, i went through this myself a few months/weeks ago. i posted chapter 16 of my fic last spring, which did really well, then 17 over the summer, which did a bit worse but still good enough, then 18 in october (which OMG was a chapter i cared so much about) and which did terribly, and then suddenly, all of my engagement (and more) came back for 19 in november. and trust me, when i was in that low tide after publishing chapter 18, i agonised over what i did wrong. are my chapters too long? did the quality of my writing go down? was the plot hard to follow?

now, of course, these are all possibilities, i'm not going to lie to you. but most likely, people dropping off is a combination of these factors:

seasonal factors: my real job is one where the beginning of the year (january to march) is very busy, but the end of the year is not. so, i post a lot more at the end of the year. except, i've noticed... that's not the case for most people. most industries are actually busier at the end of the year and as a result, because obviously fic is a hobby, people have less time to spend on it between october and december. so, over that period, you might either 1) get a lot less engagement altogether or 2) have that engagement be delayed. i'll typically see a surge at the weekends, or during the holidays themselves, when people are off work and catching up on fanfic when they have more time. again, don't panic, this might just be seasonal.

the lull of the last handful of chapters: now, even for people who read WIPs, when you reach the last third of your chapters, a lot of people will think that: well, i'll just wait until everything is published to read. is it hard? yes. does it suck? yes. but that's just the way some people think. so, if you see your engagement drop in the last third of your story, know that this might be the reason.

people outgrowing fandom: honestly, the truth is that a lot of these people might have dropped out of fandom altogether. people drop out of fandom All The Time. for reasons that have nothing to do with your particular story. they just - have a life. jobs, parents, whatever. fanfic and fandom always takes the first hit, it's always the first thing that has to go when people get busy. and, we've all seen how doves of people joined/rejoined fandom during the pandemic, then slowly filed out as "real life" took over again. this is a hobby. people drop out all the time and it has nothing to do with you.

people outgrowing your story: now, if they are still in fandom but have dropped out of your story particularly, keep in mind that this is not necessarily negative. they might just have gotten all they needed for their own lives and minds, from your story. you satisfied them with ten chapters, and that's just it. they don't need to read more. there's no ill feelings about it, they just don't need the coping mechanism anymore, and that's alright. additionally, if you're posting for years, like me, people might just - be in a different stage of their lives. it's like: you know all those times when you've looked at your WIP and thought 'god, i'd rather be writing something else'? think of your readers as the same. sometimes, they're just not in the right mindset. sometimes, their interests shift. you, as the writer, can't indulge in that too much, because you need to finish (at least if you're as stubborn as me) but as a reader... it's so easy to drop something you're not in the mood for. they might come back at a later date. they might never come back at all. and again, because people join in doves, they usually drop out also in doves, because people evolve over a period of a year, two years, and might all reach a new life stage coincidentally at the same time.

but the thing that you really need to remember from that quote at the beginning is that last part: new people come in. because sure, some people do get "tired of your face" momentarily but that doesn't mean (and shouldn't be) your fic's death sentence. in my experience, that is very hard to see when you're at low tide (especially if it's your first low tide), but actually, just because some people drop out, doesn't mean that new people won't come in at a later date. to tell you the truth, i've now been writing my WIP for over three years and bar from one or two people, no one who is currently in my comment section was there from the start. people who were crucial to me developing some stuff in the fic have just dropped off the face of fandom altogether. there are a couple of people i talk to almost daily on discord who've dropped out of my WIP and i'm dying to ask them why, because it does kind of hurt, and i have turned it in my head over and over again, wondering where my writing stopped being enjoyable for them but to tell you the truth - that needs to remain their problem, not mine.

you can't be badgering people to read your fic. people only have limited leisure time in this world, and you don't own it. i know it can feel like you do sometimes, especially when you have a fic that grabs people and takes them into your world and you want to never let them go, but sometimes, you have to. and, you do just have to learn to deal with it.

one of the challenges of writing long fics is also learning to stay motivated, to surf that tidal wave, and accept that people just come and go, and take them as they are. i'm not going to tell you to write your story "for you" because i always think that's terrible advice and we don't write in a vacuum, but i do think you need to find something that keeps you going. for me, knowing about those waves and being able to talk myself out of it when my brain spirals really helps. and, maybe, talk about it with your fandom friends.

What's your advice if you're serially writing/posting a fic, and people who used to comment stop commenting, and also bookmarks decrease? I know no one is supposed to be doing it for the reception, but the reception is engaging/inspiring/motivating, and how do you help keep yourself on track/ true to your own story even if it seems to be veering out of popularity? obv the point is to stay true to your own vision, but sometimes it's hard not to get side tracked/influenced by others reactions. TY!

I had a situation similar to this once. In my case, I'd gone on hiatus for over a year and never stopped thinking about the fic, and I finally decided to just finish it.

I wrote and posted 6 chapters over 2 days and just posted as I went so that I could reach the end before anything could stop me. I got to the point where I just had to finish the story, and so I made sure I got it done before looking at the reaction to it.

You have no way of knowing whether the dip in response is because of the direction you took your story or your readers being made up largely of a group who are busier at this time of year. Trying to interpret that kind of thing is about as easy as looking into a crystal ball and reliably predicting the future.

If you love your story and you have an end point you're aiming for, focus on that. Stop posting it, if you want. That often makes it easier. Then you can just focus on your own vision and your own desired ending and it will be easier to stop second guessing and thinking about pleasing an audience who you don't know (and don't really know what they want).

Fic authors? How do you manage to move forward when you're in a situation like this? Have you got some ideas? And if you don't have any or if you're a reader, feel free to cheer anon on in the notes.

[tonaken]

DILF NANAMI | Dilf December collab

a/n: sooo this is part of the Dilf December collab hosted by @r1nf4iry (thank you for having me💖). It was supposed to be posted on the 24th but things got in the way *ehem* college and so sorry for that...

content: Nanami gives up his sorcery work because he has a little him now to look after. After years of loneliness and failed dating attempts, he meets you and you seem to catch his eye...

warnings: Nanami x fem!reader, spoilers for ch. 120, extensive back story got a bit carried away hehe😅, crack, a bit suggestive (no smut tho), Nanami being a dad and a daddy, unexpected pregnancy, co-parenting (if there is anything I missed do not hesitate to send me a message😊)

w/c: 4.6k+ oops 

this is my first time posting one of my writings on tumblr, i hope you like it✨

Part 2

Soooo let's all pretend that Nanami survived the Shibuya incident (he should've tho😭😭😭)

The near death experience sobers him up and he decides to leave the Jujutsu world and go back to office work and being a normal salaryman (he still keeps in contact with our sweet boi Yuuji💖)

After a particular long week at his new job he's invited to go out for drinks with some coworkers

So there's this coworker right….

She's a baddie (not more than us, no worries💅🏾)

She already had her eyes on Nanami for a looong time purrr cause he do be fine and he do be all min- ok sorry, I'll stop🙄😐

He's also noticed her 😒

One drink calls another and soon after the bottoms are up the clothes are off

Long story short, mr. Nanami ends up getting the girl pregnant (he was a bit more wasted than usual, the condom slipped off and the day after pill didn't work)

Talk about unlucky 😬

She decides to keep the baby and Kento is happy with that

He does ask for a paternity test, just in case, and it comes back positive (Kento YOU ARE the father 🏃🏼‍♂️💨🎥  🧓🏻🤰🏻)

Gojo definitely makes fun of him (he got to know through Yuuji)

He's always a present father from the get go, always doing his best to care for the expecting mother

I'd be lying if I said that Nanami didn't try to make things work out between him and his baby momma

He just wanted a more stable situation for his firstborn child

She didn't want him tho 😔 (now WHY would you refuse a man like NANAMI🤨)

Man's the whole package

But that's better for m- us🙄

Anywayysss

Nine months pass, and the child is born.

Nanami is obviously present. He cuts the umbilical cord and signs the birth certificate

It's a little girl and as soon as he holds her in his arms, he's in love.

When he gives her a small kiss on the forehead, she smiles and that is why they call her Emiko (smiling child)

Nanami and Emiko's mom decide to co-parent, and since they both live in the same area in Tokyo, they alternate weeks when taking care of her

The first few years, Nanami focuses completely on his bundle of joy, so his love life is completely non existent for some time

Homeboy hasn't touched a woman since Emiko's mom he probably struggling💀, let's be honest

She is having the time of her life (hot girl everyday typa beat)

Nanami knows what she's up to, since his little girl is one hell of a chatterbox (she be snitching worse than 69, I swear 💀)

She even remembers the guys' names and tells her dad everything she overhears her mom says on the phone

It usually nothing crazy, but once Emiko saw some interesting (🌚) pics on her mom's phone

Lil girl is a tech wizard, on top of being a whole menace (just like uncle Gojo 💠👄💠🕶️🤏🏻)

The way Nanami chastised her mom was something for the books

Gave her a whole lecture and such

He just doesn't want his daughter exposed to certain things, but he is reasonable and realises it was a mistake and that mistakes happen

*Cough* Emiko *cough*🤧

Nahhhh Emiko's everything but a mistake. In her dad's eyes she's everything and more

Emiko's mom is a very good mother tho, and Nanami is very happy about that

She is not deliberately bringing home random dudes, it's just that her little one is a bit too smart

But as much as Nanami cares about his child's mother and is happy for her love life, knowing that she's got someone kinda burns 

He feels a bit lonely, especially as he ages and Emiko starts growing up

He immersed himself so much in work and raising his daughter that he forgot about himself

His parents notice this and match him up with the daughter of a family friend who recently moved to Tokyo

He reluctantly accepts, not really sure of how to gracefully get back into the dating pool

He's seen a few pictures of her, vaguely remembering her at a few dinner parties when he was younger

He decides to show the girl around Tokyo as a first date idea, stopping by some of the most scenic parts of the city

Nanami is such a considerate man, so once he gets her number, he asks if she's ok with the idea

She replies after leaving him on read for three days

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Nanami doesn't think too much about it tho, and ends up still going out with her

He reasons that he also isn't the best texter, since he's so busy

Leaving someone on read for 72 hours isn't being busy baby boy🤨, but I shall not speak yet🤐

This is his first date in a long time, so he's all strapped up and prepared

He's got on his best outfit, nicely ironed and clean

His hair is impeccably styled (like it always is)

He got his car washed (even tho it was already spotless because, come on, it’s Nanami)

He even goes the extra mile and shows up with flowers

He just wants to make a good first impression and he's super nervous

But when he gets at her place and she comes out of the door, he's a bit dumbfounded 

She…. doesn't look like in the pictures???

Not in a good way tho😐 (it's rarely in a good way anyways)

He doesn't want to be superficial or rude, so he compliments her regardless

He struggles to find something, but he then settles on her jewelry  (which were objectively the best thing she had on)

He mentions the 'delicate shine' of the studded earrings, trying to sound as warm and as sincere as possible

She doesn't even hear him since she's all up in her phone

🚩🚩🚩🚩

Kento tries to not pay too much mind, after all she may have not heard because of all the surrounding honking cars

Just straight disrespectful

Nami baby, she's on a date with you and she's on her PHONE??? 

Anywho, the date goes on and Nanami is doing his best to keep her entertained, safe and comfortable

He always assures himself that she doesn't get too cold by checking in on her

He always opens doors for her, including car doors

He finds himself cracking a few lame jokes to lighten up the atmosphere

You know he's nervous when the Kento Nanami starts joking

But he's doing all of this cause this bitch is giving nothing

No conversation, no laughing, no questions

Nothing

Kento is doing everything he can to get something out of her, but she limits to briefly answering the questions that come her way 

Then it's silence

Her attitude kills him inside

He feels like he's doing something wrong

Or that she's just really really really shy

Or that she doesn't like him, because he's too boring Kento nooooo😭😭😭

The last eight years of his life have been dedicated to taking care of Emiko, so he hasn't had much time to himself alone

He's disregarded romance completely, so his flirting game is a bit...rusty I still love u tho bae😘

Plus, now that he's in his mid thirties, he feels like he may have lost a bit of his youthful appeal

He's noticed how time has started catching up with him

The fine lines that cross his forehead have become a bit more pronounced and a bit of grey has started to stain his temples

He's definitely a bit too young for any significant signs of aging, but his fast-paced lifestyle has definitely taken a toll on him physically

Nanami feels discouraged by the end of the date, since his insecurities have started to get the best of him

The date ends very abruptly, with her saying goodbye and him expectantly waiting at her door with a question of the tip of the tongue

He doesn't even get to open his mouth that she shuts the door in his face

No, she probably doesn't want a second date

Nanami stays sulking after the date for a few days. He didn’t expect such a rough ending. No messages, voicemail or calls

The girl just vanished in thin air and never contacted him again

The whole ordeal takes a bigger emotional toll on him than expected, because it’s almost as if all of his insecurities had been confirmed

Even if he did his best, it was still not enough

But he doesn’t speak about his feelings to nobody, since that’s not in his personality

Someone love this man RIGHT NOW

And when his parents ask about the girl, he is always dismissive and beats around the bush on the topic

Mama Nanami understands that it didn’t go too well, so she stops insisting

In time Nanami moves on, reasoning that he has Emiko, all he truly needs

She is growing up, and she’s a true beauty. She’s smart, expressive and, surprisingly, very organized for a ten-year-old (she gets it all from her dad)

She’s just a bit lazy when it comes to brushing her teeth

Both parents try to help her pick up the habit of doing it morning and evening, but mama Emiko is a lot more lenient than Nanami 

Nanami is a lot more hard on her because his family has a history of really bad cavities, and he doesn’t want Emiko to be having multiple filled teeth before the age of 16

So when he notices a few dark spots on his daughter’s teeth, he immediately books an appointment with the dentist

At the dental studio, Emiko feels a bit tense, since she’s never liked the place, even if Kento brings her routinely for 6 month check-ups

Just seeing dr. Sakamoto enter the room gives her chills, but she withstands it all because later dad is going to reward her

Emiko, tell your daddy he can reward me too

Moving on

Dr. Sakamoto sees the darker areas on Emiko’s teeth and confirms that if not treated, they may become cavities

Nanami shoots a warning glare towards Emiko, while she looks away, clearly embarrassed

“Nanami-kun,” Sakamoto chuckles. His former college roommate was always so stern and serious, even when the situation didn’t require anything of the sort. 

“It’s nothing major, we can solve it with a couple of sealings, and she’ll be good to go”.

Nanami visibly relaxed, and his previously furrowed brows went back to being stiff and sharp on his forehead.

“When can she get them done?” he flatly asks.

“Oh, even right now!”

Nanami glances at Emiko, looking for any signs of discomfort: he knew how much she didn’t like the dentist. Furthermore, she had never had anything done to her teeth besides some professional cleaning. He wondered if his little girl would be ok with the treatment.

“From what I see, she will need four sealings in total,” Sakamoto reasons. 

Nanami notices how Emiko tenses up and his hand instinctively finds a place on her head, gently stroking her hair.

“Will it take long?”

“It’ll take less than half an hour.” The dentist was now straightening Emiko’s chair before getting up from his. 

He mused at Kento’s silent but deep display of affection. Fatherhood had softened him, he noticed. Or it simply made him bring out what he always had in his heart. 

He kept his thoughts to himself, though. Putting Nanami on the spot was not something he really intended to do, even if the temptation was there. Just for the sake of it, the cheeky part of his mind said, just to see the ever-serious Kento a bit flustered, maybe with a light blush on his austere face.

Eventually, the flashing memory of a certain Satoru Gojo that Nanami had mentioned years ago definitely stomped out the desire to tease him.

Soon enough, Dr. Sakamoto realizes that he won’t be able to finish on Emiko and get onto the next appointment

So he calls in his new dental hygienist, Y/n

Aaaand action🎬

You walk in, a bit nervous, since your superior called you so suddenly

Today’s a special day, because you are not only confronted with your fine ass superior (yes, I imagined dr. Sakamoto as a fiiiine piece of man) but also with a really handsome stranger

Only later do you notice the little girl in the chair looking up at you with big brown eyes

You quickly put two and two together, and you find funny how the girl and the man have the same eyes, but transmit such drastically different feelings

Nanami looks over at you with suspicious curiosity

You look young to be in the medical field, and Sakamoto seems to have to leave, judging from how rushed everything he’s doing seems

Nothing promising, Kento thinks

The dentist explains to you the situation and you catch the drift, offering to help before he asks anything

He beams at you understanding and gets onto explaining everything to Nanami

He doesn't seem really ok with it…

"Excuse me?"

He heard perfectly. He just wanted to make sure. 

The fact that you were the one who was going to be dealing with Emiko didn't sit right with Nanami. A young girl like you? With no professional supervision?

"I said that Y/n-san will be working on Emiko today."

Nanami just couldn't accept it, but was too caught up in worry to notice that he was most definitely overreacting. And where was all this confidentiality between the two of you coming from?

"Alone?"

The man's tone was starting to rub you the wrong way. You were aware of your youth, and your measure of inexperience. You were aware that this man's sceptical attitude was driven only by the love he had for his child. You were aware that it was, hopefully, nothing personal. But prejudging your skill definitely got your gears grinding.

Dr. Sakamoto, furrowed his brows in confusion, briefly glancing over at you.

"Yes, Nanami-kun. She's a perfectly able dental hygienist, the best new addition to our studio, if I do say so myself."

You appreciated how the doctor defended your skills, regardless of your age. Sakamoto had always been less of a traditionalist, always looking at anyone before him as an individual and not as an amount of years. An opposite mentality seemed to you the one of Nanami, a man apparently driven mainly by duty, logic and sobriety. 

The blonde man seemed lost in thought, pondering whether he would allow you access to his most precious child or not.

The little girl in question was eying you curiously, face slightly peeking from the side of the backrest. She was so used to Sakamoto's deep blue scrubs, that your light blue ones were a novelty.

Emiko also inspected your surgical cap, so lively and expressive compared to your attire. As she was trying to make out the odd pattern, your eyes met hers for a brief second before she hid completely behind the chair. 

When she reemerged, eyes landing on yours, you slowly waved your hand at her, trying to make her feel more at ease. The little smile you sported was shyly mirrored by her, and soon enough you were crouched next to her, carefully talking to her.

Her bashfulness hadn’t gone unnoticed by you, judging by the way her hands gripped the leather-clad edge of the seat, partially covering her face. Her voice was a garble of hushed tones, but progressively got firmer the more you conversed. Her hands slipped away from the seat, finding a place on her thighs. You silently mused at the little girl slowly showing some personality as she  got more comfortable with you. Her face became more expressive, and her mannerisms a lot less stiff. She was such a ray of sunshine when she laughed, a gap showing in her juvenile smile.

It all came crashing down when your eyes met Emiko’s father’s ones. Instantly tensing, you got back on your feet, mumbling an apology and repetitively bowing. His eyes were on you, stern and cold as ever, even if his thoughts were much less menacing. 

Your eyes quickly flit toward the intimidating man, and you tried to hide in any way possible, first opting for scanning the whole room, aside from him. And his daughter too, because who knew what the man was thinking while you entertained her? 

Turning around, you noticed how Dr. Sakamoto was nowhere to be found. Had he left? Why would he leave? The man hadn't even answe-

“I told him he could leave.”

The way you whipped your head at his voice was one for the books. Paired with the astonishedly scared expression displayed on your face, it made Nanami inwardly smile. 

The silence that followed his voice lingered for an awfully long amount of time before it got broken.

“Oh...ok,” you reply awkwardly softly. You swiftly start preparing the room for the treatment, bringing out any necessities. You could feel him standing there, solid as a tower, with his eyes analyzing any little product you grabbed from the cream drawers. 

Performance anxiety was something new to you at the workplace, since you were very confident in your capabilities, but this man was sending all of that to the grave. You found it impressive how the air sat heavy in the room even though Emiko’s graceful humming could be heard. Speaking of which…

“Emiko-chan, do you know what we are going to do today?”

The ten year-old stared at you for a bit, clearly lost in thought. You could almost see the little wheels tuning in her little head.

“No, I don’t.” She briefly turned to her dad, who was too focused on how you were mixing the resinous sealant to notice. 

“Ok, let me explain to you and dad, ok?” You looked for confirmation in the man’s gaze, but nothing was found. His expression had not changed from before, even if an unfamiliar curious glint sparkled in his eye. 

Was he waiting for you to mess up? This you didn’t know. What you knew was that the next 25 minutes were going to be spent under a microscope, every action and minuscule movement thoroughly dissected and questioned. Whether he decided to ask you these questions upfront or keep them to himself was something only time could tell. Nevertheless, you hoped for the latter possibility.

You explain to Emiko what’s going to happen, trying to include Nanami in the conversation

You look at him while talking, to silently check in on him with what you’re doing

You’ve had a few experiences with parents who were paying attention and then called after the treatment asking what you had done to their child’s teeth

Were you not thereee 🤨🤨🤨

Kento doesn’t seem like that type of parent though, since he is quietly observing you with his hawk eye

He has to admit, he is trying to make sure you don’t do anything to hurt his little girl and he is almost expecting you to fail

You just seem a bit young for this

🙄🙄🙄

Tired of his unresponsiveness, you cut him out, focusing on what you have to do

And damn, do you do it well 😜

He notices how you manage to work, guide your assistant and calm Emiko all at once

Emiko is such a good patient, she never complains of anything

He’s very pleased

When you’re all done she’s sooooo relieved

You can tell by how she stops being tense

My poor baby

She jumps all giddily towards Nanami, hugging his thigh

“Are you ok?” Kento softly asks, looking down at Emiko.

“Yes, my teeth are so smooth!” she exclaims pointing at her mouth.

He glanced at you, your back facing him. You had taken off your gown and you were scribbling something down, probably what had taken place today. 

“Did it hurt,” he found himself asking, eyes lingering on you for a moment before he looked at his daughter.

His smile widened at the almost theatrical way she shook her head and at the proud look in her eye. She felt like a big girl doing big girl things. She had every right to feel that pride.

The scene was definitely heartwarming, even when you found yourself slightly taken back by Nanami smiling. He had a soft spot for his own child. Fair.

“Sorry, Nanami-san. We need your name to fill in the medical records, then I can let you leave,” you interjected, trying to sound as apologetic as possible. You didn’t know what this man thought of you, so sounding respectful was your only option. Especially if you wanted to keep such a well-paying job.

“Kento. Nanami Kento.” His voice was monotone, expressionless, but it had lost that wary edge to it. Everything had gone smoothly, so he was relaxed now, you reasoned.

And that was probably the truth, now that he was opening the first button of his dress shirt. A new sliver of skin was exposed, revealing a longer stripe of creamy pale skin that the assistant herself hadn’t missed. You had noticed how sharp the man looked, with his perfect posture and unmovable styled hair. You had noticed and deep down inside, you appreciated the view.

You invited Emiko and Nanami towards the door, ready to greet them. As much as you liked Emiko and could only wish for patients like her, her father’s presence loomed over you like a dark cloud and getting him out of the way would have only aided the situation.

Stretching your arm towards the door, you smiled at the little girl, eyes falling to her undone laces.

“Hold up, Emiko-chan, let me tie up your shoes”. You crouched down, carefully pulling and tying knots. You noticed how Nanami slowly nudged her with his hand, wordlessly trying to convey something.

“We wouldn’t want to lose your beautiful teeth, would we?” you joked, looking up at her. The friendly grin you had widened at the silent and emphatic headshake she answered you with. She broke eye contact to look over at Nanami, sharp eyes boring into glossy ones, before speaking to you.

As soon as your hands left her shoes, the little girl leaped forward, her little arms encasing your neck and her black hair caressing your cheek. All that reached your ears was a muffled ‘’thank you’ as you patted her back.

“No problem, Emiko,” you chuckled, smiling eyes locked with Nanami's.

His demeanor had changed, all of his gloomy aura being washed away by a vivacious ten-year-old. He seemed almost…embarrassed. It didn’t take long to figure out why, when the daughter of such an uptight man was crushing you, a stranger, in an embrace.

His shoulders stiffened even more, if that was possible, and his lips pressed into a tin line, eyes a bit wider. He couldn’t take it any more, how long was she hugging you for? He took pride in raising his daughter according to Japanese tradition, always polite but distant. But the ten years he had spent in educating her seemed useless, because what was this? He also thought that you wouldn’t like it, forgetting to connect the dots and noticing that you were hugging Emiko back, careless of tradition or cultural barriers, only guided by the short, but deep connection you had with the child in front of you.

“Emiko-chan, it’s enough. The doctor might not like it”.

The older man looked mortified when you looked over at him, leaning a bit down with his outstretched hand on Emiko’s head. The girl went back to her father, who audibly sighed in relief. He was still looking at you closely, now being able to give you his undivided attention. Too bad he wasn’t looking too closely at himself since he had slipped.

Doctor? He seemed to have recognized your level of skill and professionality, and the thought made you smirk at yourself. The big and mighty block of ice known as Nanami Kento was slowly melting, making him seem so innocuous at that moment.

“Do not worry, Nanami-san, your daughter gives wonderful hugs,” you reassure. His face seemed to soften, on the brink of a small smile, when Emiko decided to tug at his pants, gaining his attention.

“She smells nice!” she pouts, trying to justify herself.

You burst into a hearty laugh, Emiko following you in a fit of giggles. Nanami stood there admiri- looking at you. You seemed so in sintony with his daughter that he naturally took a liking to you.

You seemed good with kids, so natural and friendly, but professional and precise at the same time. He had always had a hard time tapping into the softer side of his personality with others, and he still struggled at times even with Emiko. 

Emiko was smarter than her peers, often having difficulty with friends and adults. You seemed to understand her, treating her like a child, without underestimating her, and it made him ask himself a few questions. Did you have smaller siblings? Did you simply like children? Was it something you had to learn?

"Do you have some?" he croaked, instantly regretting it.

The gruff, but shy tone caught you off guard, having you shooting your head up to look at Nanami.

‘Some' what? Your face unconsciously scrunched up in confusion, a brow raised above your questioning eye.

Homeboy is trying not to die

He wants the earth to swallow him up

Can't blame him tho😒

dO yOu hAvE soMe lookin ass

What????

Weed? I don't smoke sir🙅🏾‍♀️

Money? You rich rich boy what do you want from me 🤨

Drugs? You don't seem like the type🧐

Kewchie? Welllll for that…

I'm on my period and she's in x games mode rn so pls have patience with me

Anywayysss

It's lowkey cute to see him flustered

He's blushing y'all

For me US

He quickly corrects himself rephrasing the question

"I meant to say, do you have any children of your own?" 

His austere and rigid personality was back, joined by that aloof lilt in his voice that had gone missing before. You inwardly frowned at the lost progress.

"No, I just really like children, sir." Halfway through the sentence, you went a bit bashful at the realization that he was somewhat interested in you. At least, enough to ask you a personal question. 

He noticed the effect it had on you, mistaking it for embarrassment or even discomfort, and he vowed to himself to not overstep any boundaries. Nor yours or his. You took care of his daughter, you were a good person, you didn’t deserve his lowkey nosy self all up in your business.

"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he mumbled, diligently bowing at you, and avoiding all sort of eye contact. Now it was your turn to feel horrible.

“No, no, please,” you begin, getting up on your feet. “I wasn’t offended, just taken a bit aback.”

Nanami just nods, feeling a little less guilty. He still chastises himself, though. He hates how he occasionally finds himself acting a bit silly, something that you, in that very moment, found profoundly endearing. He wasn’t some kind of monster, he was human.

You let them go, saying your last greetings and shooting a wink at Emiko. Nanami’s blush hasn’t still subsided when he voices a quiet ‘thank you’, so quiet, you almost miss it.

“See you next time!”

He never thought that you beaming at him would have inclined his heart more towards you, oddly tickling something deep within his chest. Something he had to discover. Hopefully with you.

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© 2021 tonaken

[thedreadvampy]

I am. For some reason. Being haunted by guilt for this one fucking thing that happened when I was 17. It keeps floating up whenever I try to sleep the last couple of days, I think it's cause Sam's been ill. so I'm putting it here in an attempt to exorcise it. please tell me if this is a situation it makes sense to feel guilty about 13 years later.

Ok so I'm 17, right? I have this boyfriend. He's 18? 19? Not 100% sure on timings on this. and we've been together for about 9 months.

I'm still at school. He's not - he dropped out of sixth form twice, doesn't have a job and is on and off benefits. He's living in his mum's house but I think by this point she's up and moved to Ghana without much notice, leaving him alone with 4 cats and a dog (I'm not actually 100% sure she'd moved out yet at the time but I'm the interests of steelmanning the guilt let's assume she had. I think she had).

We live in different towns - he lives in the nearest Proper Town, the one with like a train station and shopping centre and cinema and clubs. I live 2 buses away - there's a 45 minute bus that takes me from his to the town I go to school in, which goes every 20 minutes 6am-11pm, and then the 20/40 min bus (it takes alternating routes) that I have to take from that town to my village, which goes every 80 minutes 7am-5pm.

My habit at the time is leaving school on Friday, getting the bus to his, spending every weekend there, then going to school from his on Monday and going home after school to spend the week at home. So we sort of half live together - I do a lot of the shopping and cleaning for his house while I'm there cause I work and get a £20/wk allowance from my parents and have no bills to pay, whereas he doesn't have any stable income and since his mum left he's gotta pay for the bills on this 2 person house as well as food and stuff for himself and the animals.

So that's the context this is happening in. He's feeling very abandoned and not really coping, and I've been trying to fill that gap but also I Am Seventeen.

Anyway it's Christmas time, and I've agreed that I'll spend the run-up to Christmas at his and then get the last bus home on Christmas Eve to spend actual Christmas with my family.

I wake up on Christmas Eve about 3am because it is BOILING. I reach over and touch his skin and it literally hurts to touch cause he's running such a high fever. When he wakes up I ask him if he's ok, if he needs me to call the doctor etc, he won't let me do that. I get him water and paracetamol and honey and lemon and a bucket in case he needs to throw up but by about 3pm I'm like I truly have to go bc this is the absolute latest I can leave to catch the last bus home before December 27th (no buses on Christmas or Boxing Day).

and he is crying and begging me not to leave him and calling me selfish and saying I don't love him. and I do everything I can to make sure he's going to be ok and has plenty of food and water in reach and then I go.

(I was very right about the urgency of leaving if I wanted to get home, btw, bc it was below zero and snowing heavily and I JUST got onto the last bus at a dead run. and then that broke down in the snow 2 miles away from home, it was like an hour of just me and the bus driver sitting in an unheated bus while the snow piled up and he called the depot trying to get someone to come out 30+ miles to pick him and the bus up last thing before Christmas. Poor guy. Eventually my mum managed to drive out and pick me up and bring the driver a thermos of tea and some heat packs to tide him over until the cavalry came. so yeah there wasn't a lot of wiggle room in that travel plan.)

anyway my memories of that Christmas Eve have always largely focused on the bus thing. but like. the last few days I'm really thinking about how scary and lonely that genuinely must have been for my ex. like. if I'm right in thinking this was after his mum left, this was probably his first Christmas alone and he spent it racked with flu, running a fever in his room and his girlfriend just went away and left him to it. and like. That must have felt awful

and I keep just thinking should I have done something different? tried to get him to my parents' for Christmas? stuck around until the 27th? maybe talked to my mum and seen whether she could come pick me up on Christmas Day?

or like. even if i didn't do anything wrong. does it make me a bad person that I was so desperate to get out of his house and so relieved once I was away? like I just did not want to deal with that?

like it's obviously all moot, it was half my life ago and anyway it's a snapshot of a much more substantive and complicated relationship. but like. It's just sitting on me at the moment. while I flop around feeling sorry for myself bc I'm running a fever.