#but I’m still working on controlling my anxiety over sudden unexpected changes to my plans

[rippledawn]

So funny story, spent 7 hours on a plane for what was meant to be a 2 hour plane ride, only to end up in the same city I left from 😐.

And the flight they’re offering is in 2 days. And now I have to get back to my parents house from the next city over, at 2am. And get some food because I’m starving.

Fucking hell, what a night

[myonepiece]

Hey! I love everything you do, its so good and i've read every single one :P ! I just want to know if you can do something with zoro, law and sanji with s/o who is scare of the dark please :D

Zoro, Law, Sanji reaction to their crush asking to sleep with them because they’re scared of the dark

description: the crew (of each character separately) is camping on an island because it was dangerous to go back to the boat now or something like that, and their crush asks to sleep with them because they’re afraid of the dark

warnings: none

a/n: I know you said s/o but I had this cute idea and I thought crush worked better than s/o so I hope thats okay 💕

wc: 1594

*Law and Sanji under the cut

♡ Zoro

the crew had set up camp in a clearing in the forest, making a campfire and setting out a few sleeping bags they had picked up. you were already dreading sleep on account of all of the trees surrounding, the way they already cast shadows around the ground and didn’t show what was lurking in the far branches. 

Sanji cooked some barbeque and Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper danced around the fire for awhile. it was truly and enjoyable night, but when the sun began to descend you moved closer to the fire, trying to stay in the light as much as possible.

Zoro, who had been watching you throughout the night, noticed this but he thought it was because you were cold by the way you hugged your kees to your chest.

the crew eventually said goodnight and fell asleep, leaving you shaking by the fire and Zoro leaned against the tree behind you.

when you moved even closer to the fire Zoro got worried.

“oi ______, don’t get to close or you’ll burn yourself.”

you didn’t respond, or even look back- so Zoro got up and walked over to you, crouching beside you and poking your arm. you jumped at the contact, startled by Zoro’s sudden appearance next to you.

“ah Zoro you scared me, aren’t you going to bed?”

“mhm, are you?”

“I’m going to stay awake for a bit longer.”

Zoro stared at you for a moment, noticing the way you shivered in the heat of the flames, the way your eyes held waves of fear, clearly you were unsettled.

“what’s wrong?”

you glanced to you side at Zoro, the fire making shadows dance across his face.

“nothing really, I’m just kind of afraid of the dark.”

you chuckled half-heartedly but Zoro frowned. he wasn’t going to judge you or anything, he knows people have different fears and the dark is a common one.

“is there anything I can do?”

Zoro’s own cheeks heated at the suggestion, and yours soon followed with a soft smile towards the swordsman.

“no it’s okay, you can go to sleep.”

he stared at you for another second before humming in acceptance, rising to his full height and turning around as he walked back to the tree he was sleeping against, a flicker of movement in the trees caught your eye and made your heart beat spike. 

“Zoro.”

the man looked over his shoulder at the call of his name, you were shaking more visibly and your eyes were wide trained on the dark between the plants on the other side of the clearing- the sight of you so scared pulled at his heart.

“can- can I sleep with you tonight?”

you looked over you shoulder at him with a deeper blush on your cheeks, but Zoro wouldn’t say anything because he had the same but even more so.

“sure.”

he didn’t even have to think about it, only needing a moment to comprehend that his crush asked to sleep with him- and this meant you felt safe with him right?

he dropped down against the tree and patted the spot next to him as he leaned his head back. you got up from your spot reluctantly, hurrying over to Zoro and  sitting beside him, instantly curling into his side.

he had his arms crossed then, to flustered and shy to put one around you even though he knew you would probably appreciate it- but when you leaned your head on his shoulder he rested his cheek on top of it. 

and further, when you woke up the next morning Zoro had arm wrapped around your shoulders holding you closer against his side, he had moved it in the night once he knew you were peacefully asleep meaning he could let himself sleep too.

♡ Law

the crew was sprawled out across the clearing a fire burning in the center.

the moment Law announced you wouldn’t be able to get to the ship at this time you started to feel anxious, worried about where you would be sleeping. and when you found out you would be camping, in the dark, your anxiety built up.

the change in your exterior and attitude was quickly noticed by Law. he kept an eye on you the whole time the crew was setting up, watching the way you were simultaneously paranoid but more distracted than usual. he saw you check around the surroundings but he didn’t know what for. 

when the sun began to set and you took a spot close to the fire he still didn’t know exactly what was wrong but he was getting worried- there were no visible wounds on you and you didn’t seem to be in pain, just scared. 

he couldn’t sleep when the rest of the crew did, and he didn’t want to either because you seemed to be even more afraid than earlier. when he saw you stay practically attached to the fire and glance worriedly at the enclosing darkness, he finally figured out the problem.

he got up from his seat leaning against sleeping Bepo, carefully moving around the bodies of his crew and towards you. he called your name before he reached so he wouldn’t scare you with an unexpected appearance. he saw you jump at the sound and your head whipped around. 

Law came closer and dropped down beside you, staring intently at you before bluntly saying,

“you’re scared of the dark.”

your cheeks heated at the embarrassing fear that he had realized, you nodded and faced the flames again.

“why didn’t you tell me?”

“it’s silly.”

“no it’s not, it’s common.”

you looked at Law who was still watching you and you smiled softly giving him some relief that you were feelings even slightly better.

“is there anything I can do to help you sleep tonight?”

“can I... can I sleep you?”

you saw Law tense and his eyes widened, a light blush dusted his cheeks.

“it’s okay if you don’t want me to I can jus-”

“you can.”

Law stood up and outstretched his hand down to you, taking it gently and pulling you up to lead you back through the sleeping crewmembers and to Bepo’s side. he sat down against the bear and gestured to the spot next to him. you sat down and an awkward silence filled the air. 

“you can put your head on my lap if that’s more comfortable...”

you barely heard Law’s mumbling but you moved over slightly so you could extend your legs and place your head on Law’s legs. it took a few minutes before he relaxed beneath you, his hand slowly going to rest on your head. he began to softly stroke you hair, lulling you to sleep while he kept an eye on your face to look for any sign of fear or discomfort.

♡ Sanji

the whole crew was excited for camping, having a few games already planned and Sanji had plenty of food to make barbecue- you were the only one on edge about sleeping in the forest surrounded by who knows what.

everyone was distracted by their excitement so no known noticed the change in your demeanor. 

you partook in the games and the dancing and everything with the hope of tiring yourself out or at least distracting your self. 

when the sun was setting and while everyone was eating the delicious food Sanji had made, the cook was watching you while you took your first bite, waiting for your opinion. you took a bite and smiled up at him, telling him it was delicious- this is when he noticed something was up because usually you were more enthusiastic about his cooking. he frowned slightly and crouched down beside you with a concerned expression.

“_____-swan is something wrong?”

you sent him a quick glance, 

“I just have a... a small irrational fear of the dark.”

Sanji nearly fainted at your cute innocent fear, but he didn’t think that would make you feel very good.

“that’s not irrational, fear of the dark is very common it’s nothing you should be ashamed of.”

he smiled softly at you.

“is there anything I can do make you feel better?”

“do you think... do you think I could sleep with you tonight?”

the amount of self control nd willpower it took to not squeal was overwhelming. his grin widened greatly and he nodded happily.

“awh of course _____-swan! I’ll put the dishes away and then we can sleep!”

once he was done putting the ingredients and dishes away, making sure everyone was satisfied and Luffy couldn’t reach anything, and saying goodnight to everyone as they fell asleep, he pranced back over to where you sat against a fallen tree with your knees pulled to your chest and your head resting on your arms.

“oh ____-swan I’m sorry I took so long!”

he gently took your hands in his and took a seat beside you.  you took your hands from Sanji and settled into his side, assuring him it’s okay. despite being in the edge of the fire’s light and beside Sanji, you were still visibly shaking. Sanji looked down and pouted at your scared form, feeling his heart clench.

“can I hold you _____-swan?

you looked up at the blushing cook, nodding at him and sitting forward momentarily so he could slip his arm behind you. he turned in his seat so that you were leaning your head against his chest- he slowly rocked back and forth while you drifted off to sleep, but not before he promised to protect you while you slept.

[ack3rlady]

The Universe Had His Back - Chapter 4

Worlds Collide

Summary: Reader and Levi finally meet but in an unexpected way.

Chapters: Three | Four | Five

Master List

Warnings: Fem! Reader, Angst, Fluff, Modern AU, Reference to Anxiety, slight swearing.

Word Count: ~ 2.1k

Inspiration: Every Second - Baekhyun

TW: The chapter contains descriptions of an anxiety/panic attack. I'm sure everyone has different experiences, but this one in particular is based on how my lovely boyfriend helps me navigate the ones I get. :)

Tags: @sooibian, @queenofcurse; Anyone else who'd like to be tagged, please let me know!

____

Levi’s POV

Levi felt like a fish out of water. The bright lights, attendants too chirpy for his liking, multiple strangers running their grubby hands over the same clothes were all making him nauseous. He wanted to turn around and flee at the very moment entered the store.

He remembered being here before, when he was with you at this exact place buying a tuxedo for your own wedding five years ago. You had forced him try on way too many of them, finding faults in each one and leaving him riled up. Many hours later when he finally walked out of the trial room wearing the perfect black suit, he was greeted by a teary eyed you. Honestly, he couldn’t tell the difference between the one currently on him, and the various others he had worn right before. But he couldn’t complain upon seeing the glee on your face.

Flashback: Five years ago

“I’m really not liking this shitty bridezilla side of you.”, Levi protested as you pushed him towards the changing rooms with the nine tuxedos you wished for him to try on – nine more than the number he was comfortable with.

“Can we just pick one and be on our way? No one is going to give a shit about what I look like when you’ll be standing beside me in all your glory.”

“Stop trying to butter me up. We're not leaving till we have the perfect tux. So, stop whining and put these on.”, you declared.

He yelped when you shoved him into a stall. ‘God, this man is infuriating sometimes!’ You smiled to yourself, listening to the constant muttering coming from inside. It was so adorable to imagine his knitted brows, scrunched up nose and his pouty lips while he complained incessantly. How you loved to annoy him! And why wouldn’t you? He looked terribly cute when he was pissed.

A few minutes passed and he emerged wearing one of the ensembles you chose.

“As much as that scowl paired up with the suit makes you look like a sexy spy, something isn't right. Can you please try the next one?”, you bat your lashes at him.

He shook his head at the melodrama and turned on his heel with a loud sigh. The next one wasn’t right either. Neither were the many others he wore after that. Oh, he was so livid! He threatened to leave every few minutes, but one pleading look from you would melt him, and he’d return to try on the next outfit.  You knew that your puppy eyes made him completely malleable. And he knew that you knew.

Finally, he dressed into the last piece you chose. Your eyes went wide when they fell on him. He looked celestial! The contrast of the velvety black suit against his porcelain skin, his grey eyes sparkling against the dark fabric, his chiseled body being accentuated by its impeccable fit – you were about to marry perfection. With glistened eyes, you engulfed him into a sudden embrace that made him tense up because of the many heads that turned towards you.

“Oh, just stop overthinking it and hug me back! Levi, you look perfect. I can’t believe I get to marry you!”, you squealed as you squeezed him tighter.

“Don’t think you’re getting away with putting me through this. Might as well call Zacharius and tell him you’re missing work tomorrow.”, he said as he finally wrapped his arms around you.

“Why?”

He leaned in slowly and breathed into your ear causing goosebumps to sprout all over your body -“Because you’re not going to be able to get any work done after I’m finished getting my payback.”

.

Present day

Levi didn’t realize how long he had been day dreaming for, following Furlan around the store until a handful of suits were shoved in his face.

“Try these on, will you?”, he requested.

“Tch! Let's just pick one and get the fuck out of this shithole. I’m not wearing these filthy clothes.” Levi comically flinched thinking about the amount of germs that just made their way on to his body by this uninvited contact, earning Furlan a quick smack on his shoulder.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Stop being dramatic and try them on!”, he pushed him towards the trial room giving him no opportunity to respond.

Levi entered one of the stalls with hopes to end this misery as soon as possible while Furlan waited outside. He emerged in a few minutes wearing the first one, a jet-black suit. Furlan rejected it saying it was too similar to what he was planning to wear himself. Then he wore the second one, a deep navy-blue. Furlan shot that one down too. Levi was starting to get worked up, complaining relentlessly under his breath, plotting the murder of his younger brother . When he put on the next set, a sharp charcoal grey three-piece, he decided it was the one he liked the least. He got out of the stall ready to rebuff this one himself before Furlan could.

“What the fuck were you even thinking while choosing this shitty -” He was interrupted by a loud gasp behind and turned to look at the source.

His breath hitched when that peachy fragrance that he had adored for years hit him like a truck. There you stood, just a few feet from him; your face ridden with shock. You were wearing a gorgeous floor length emerald gown that hugged your body at all the right places, your wavy hair cascading down your shoulders.

Levi’s heart began pounding against his chest at the stunning sight before him. He wondered if you could hear it from where you were. Your eyes were blown to twice their size, cheeks flushed, breath shaky. You looked like a deer in headlights. He opened his mouth to say something when...

You bolted.

He turned to Furlan in bewilderment as if to confirm if this had all really just happened or if it was his mind playing games.

“Are you going to just stare at me, or go after her?”

Before the future groom could even finish his sentence, Levi took off.

.

Reader’s POV

After finding Suki by the store entrance, she and you headed back to the couch you were seated earlier. You started browsing through the dresses again, only to find her constantly checking her phone.

“Will you please just choose something so we can both leave soon? What is wrong with you today?”, You were starting to get annoyed at her sudden withdrawn behavior.

She quickly apologized and grabbed a couple of gowns for you to try on before dragging you towards the trial rooms. You could hear muffled mumbling coming from the neighboring stall while you were changing into the gown Suki chose for you but you didn’t give it much thought. You were pleased with how the gown looked on you wondering when you last felt this attractive. Upon walking outside the stall to compliment her on her choice, you were greeted by her and Furlan chatting in the waiting area. Surprised, you were about to say hello just before someone emerged from the stall beside yours.

Levi? You let out an involuntary gasp causing him to turn to you. Grey eyes met yours. Did he just gasp too? The perpetual scowl on his face vanished and was replaced by raised brows, wide eyes and a mouth slightly agape. He looked like he was about to say something.

It felt like you lost control over your body. You were suddenly in motion, rushing towards the nearest escape you could find; Suki trailing behind. Right as you reached the store’s exit, a hand harshly grabbed your shoulder.

“You can’t leave in that dress! We’ll get in trouble for shoplifting!”, Suki panted, finally catching up with you.

She was right. But you were incapable of thinking straight at the moment. So, when you spotted a restroom, you barged inside pulling her in with you and locking the door shut.

It felt like the air was devoid of oxygen. Your breathing began to get laborious. Seconds later you were sitting on the toilet with its lid down, gasping for breath. Your right hand failed to find the comfort of your absent wedding band, that was back in the drawer of your nightstand, by blindly clutching your left ring finger.

“Are you okay? What is happening to you?”, a terrified Suki looked like she was about to cry.

“Panic...attack...”, you managed to blurt out between breaths.

She paced around the room not knowing how to help you. You were starting to feel dizzy; tears running down your face, sweat building up on your forehead, the lack of air starting to get to your brain. There was a soft knock on the door.

“Oi! Suki, let me in.”, Levi demanded from the other side.

You begged hey with your eyes not to open the door, but she did it anyway. He walked in and silently motioned her to wait outside, locking the door behind him when she left. He took out a handkerchief from his pocket, rolled it, and ran it under cold tap water keeping his eyes on you the whole time. He quickly moved to kneel in front of you, as you sat wheezing. Bringing the cold cloth to your face and pressing it against your forehead and neck, he held one of your hands with his free one.

“It's okay. I’m here.”, his soothing voice was already starting to calm you down. But you were in no mood to let him bask in the satisfaction of still having that effect on you.

“You being here... has caused this.”, you glowered while choking on practically nothing.

“Still the same old brat!”, he smirked.

Before your pathetic mess could puff out another ridiculous remark Levi angled your face towards his by cupping your cheeks with both his hands.

“I’m kneeling on this fucking filthy floor for you. So, just shut your mouth, focus on me and let me regulate your breathing.” You accepted defeat and nodded.

“Inhale.

Exhale.”

You did as he said, taking slow and deep breaths of air as he guided you. A few minutes later, your breathing was almost back to normal.

“I thought I showed you how to deal with these episodes. Did you forget?”

“I didn’t think I’d ever have to deal with one without you.”

Well, you didn’t.

.

His hands were still around your face, thumbs gently stroking your cheeks as you tightly gripped the fabric of his blazer with your fists and looked into his eyes. It was like time had frozen and the whole world had come to a halt.

Suddenly, reality struck. You were seeing Levi for the first time since your divorce. Your eyes welled up and you couldn’t prevent the tears from escaping. His sinuses were stinging too. Before you could snap out of it, his hands on your face snaked around you and pulled you into an embrace, one hand caressing your hair, and the other steady around your back. You felt overwhelmed, almost wanting to push him away.

“Just stop overthinking it and hug me back.”, he mirrored your words from five years ago.

And he didn’t need to ask twice. You held onto him for dear life as while sobbing on to his shoulder.

“I miss you.”, your voice quivered.

“I miss you too.”

“Really?”

“You have no idea.”

.

Time passed as you silently sat there taking in the precious moments. You were paying attention to all his features one by one, as if trying to memorize them. His smooth black hair, bright grey eyes; did they always have a tinge of blue in them? His sharp nose, delicate lips, strong shoulders... wait, what is that?

“Fuck! Levi, I ruined your suit!” It was stained with your tears.

“That’s fine I was going to toss it anyway”, he replied, with a wave his hand.

“What? Why? It looks wonderful on you! The blue really brings out your eyes.”, You were sure you sounded like a shy school girl.

“Oh. You think so? Um... Th-Thanks.”, he tried to hide his blush behind a fake cough, causing you to chuckle. He still stuttered awkwardly every time you complimented him, even after all these years.

Levi turned to you again, in all your huffing and puffing glory following your episode - eyes swollen, nose clogged, face probably redder than a tomato.

“We need to talk.”

________

Chapters: Three | Four | Five

[whereflowersbloom]

Morning after

The smell of freshly baked croissants and coffee woke her up. Raven hardly ever felt so rested, even after spending an hour meditating before going to sleep, opening her eyes and getting accustomed to the morning light of the sun that illuminated her room through the windows. She turned on her back and nestled in this new, previously unknown feeling. She was strangely calm as if everything was in the right place, and every possible problem remained in the past.

Maybe that’s what genuine serenity feels like, she thought to herself.

But how did she end up in this situation? They became friends. Best friends, even. They talked about everything including their most intimate thoughts. She told herself it was enough or deceived herself into believing so. There was no line for them to cross but a secret and deep part of her soul definitely understood and sought the need to feel wanted and loved and fulfilled. Not like she hadn’t thought of Damian that way before. There was such a terrible tension between them sometimes when they were both sitting on her the sofa watching old classic films or reading books they both enjoyed. She craved the heat of Damian’s embrace. She remembered how it felt to have him curled around her, how gently his thumb stroked her cheek, how his muscles flexed against her, and she wishes he would hold her again.

Damian was like a compass for Raven if she felt like she might lose her way, and that kind of thing never happened to her. Not often at least.

As usual Damian went jogging as it had become his habit thanks to Jon, who craved the sunlight as soon as he opened his eyes, persistently asking him to be his partner. A surprising string elbow in the ribs by Jon gave him the second push to voice his feelings for Raven. Later, he visited a local bakery that made exquisite chocolate croissants, as he memorized Raven’s favorites. Then he returned home with a sudden thought it was the high time to turn his quiet feelings for Raven into something serious. He wanted to fool himself at first, but as it turned out, he was too fucking smart to believe a single word of the downright falsehood he made up in his mind in order to excuse himself from the imminent truth. He was in love with her.

She was about to get out of bed to stretch her muscles when Damian walked into the room carrying a tray with breakfast: hot coffee, steaming Earl Grey, croissants and juicy autumnal fruit. She wanted to approach him, wrap her arms around him and kiss him on the neck, the sensitive spot she discovered last night, but they were not yet at that stage of the relationship. As the matter of fact, she did not know exactly who they were to each other now. Maybe nothing had changed. After all, it had been just a few kisses last night, letting go, a carpet diem kind of moment. Maybe Damian didn’t want things to change between them.

"Good morning.” Damian muttered, sending her one of his radiant, sincere smiles that made her legs weak. "Did you sleep well?"

“Yes. Better than most days. I didn’t know if you would come back...” She kept her own voice soft, matching his tone, afraid to burst the strange bubble they found themselves in. Controlling her anxiety was easier said than done.

“I simply needed time to clear my mind.” His expression was solemn. “We must discuss last night’s event.” He mumbled under his breath, voice deadly calm, a convincing facade, fighting to distract the both of them from his own wild whirlwind of emotions as he left the tray at the bedside table. No woman in his life had ever truly enchanted him in the way she did. He would not give her up.

Her lower lip trembled slightly. She repeated her mantra over ten times until she calmed her nerves. Damian was her closest friend, and she cared about not ruining the special bond between them. They said it was easier to move on as long as you were merely lovers, but what when you are so much more. She felt like a teenager who was falling in love for the first time. Not that she was that much older at the age of 19. She had experience in meaningless romances, short-lived, Wally, Garfield, but she knew nothing about true love. Their bond was beyond comprehensible lines of poetry. More than it being undefinable, it was the freeness to be defined, the way as open interpretations take you.

“We don’t have to to this now. In fact, nothing has to change.” She spoke tentatively, unsure whether she’s more concerned how this would shape their friendship or embarrassed she let herself cross a line. Slowly passing around the room folding her arms across her chest.

The distress was heavy in her chest, stirred with a fog of uncertainty.

At this, Damian’s eyes sparkled with determination and objection regarding her statement. Before she registered what he was doing, he grabbed her hand. “I do not want to leave things exactly as they used to be. Not before last night.” He held her gaze and rubbed his thumb over the backside of her hand, reveling in the softness of her skin.

There’s a fluttering in her stomach, and she’s taken aback at the intensity of it. Butterflied filled with hope and wish. There was hope of light after all darks, hope of happiness after grief, hope of a new colorful sunrise, a chapter to be rewritten.

“It was just a kiss..” In a trice, breaking off the contact. She lied and immediately regretted it. Damian stood next to her with a disbelieving expression on his face. There was a hint of indignation but it vanished quickly.

“You and I both know it meant more than a kiss. I do not need the gift of empathy to see it.” Damian stated sharply, his features hardened at his resolution. He was tired of constantly feeling this weight on his shoulders. What was the point of deceiving themselves any longer? If he didn’t know better, he would say she was avoiding him like a plague.

Letting out a breath she had been holding in since Damian entered her bedroom, Raven felt a weight being lifted off her chest. “Damian...I” She started, but never managed to finish interrupted by an unexpected question.

"Do you have any plans for today?" He left the question hanging in the air.

With brows furrowed in confusion she found herself unable to command her mouth to utter anything. Her heart thudded out of her chest. The normally unflappable last daughter of Azarath knocked for a loop by the close proximity of her stunning teammate.

Raven parted her lips and closed them again.

“It seems we are free to do as we please today. Clear schedule. No training or missions. He shrugged casually, willing his breath to remain steady, years of boiling emotions teetering over the edge of his elegant, suave composure

Raven blinked. Amethysts widening.

“I thought we could go somewhere. You and I” Damian licked his lips, swallowing the nerves in his chest as her eyes widen a fraction at his proposal. "There's a new Parisian café in the city I think you might like.”

Her lips curved up into a sweet smile, growing wider and more radiant as she thought of sitting in Parisian cafe with Damian, enjoying a minute of bliss to be in the other’s company.

“Are you asking me on a date, Damian Wayne?” She blurted with a momentary astonished look, even as she realized the implication of his words. Was this truly happening? She asked herself mentally.

“I’m courting you properly, Raven. So yes, I’m asking you out.” His shoulders ease from their tensed position, subconsciously hunched in nerves to what she’d respond.

It was surreal, talking about what a few minutes ago had been unbearable chains, restrained by her own fears and inner demons. Ethereal strands of thread that could be snapped by a mere jerk of fingers. He wanted more. He wanted her.

“I don’t know, Damian.” She bit her lip still indecisive, gaze away from his face. Once again mind invaded by intrusive negative thoughts. What if it didn’t work? What if she lost control? The numerous what if’s haunted her like never ending nightmares.

Taking a step closer, something in his emerald sparked with an idea and firmness of not quitting. “Any chance I can persuade you to change your mind then?” He crooned in her ear, nipping at it just slightly, taking her breath away. She wondered how long she could resist his gravitational pull for so long.

Raven hesitated for a good few seconds before finally resigning herself to the fact that whatever she did. She couldn’t fight this anymore. She loved him. “I can think of a few ways.” She was surprised at her own boldness, snaking slender arms around his torso. He pressed his built body against hers closer, placing tender, teasing kisses along her neck. Whilst she was glad that he was enjoying himself, she was going to completely lose it if she remained flush against him for much longer. Her entire core heated with want for him. He smirked at the effect he had on her with his natural charm. This confident, cocky air. This was so him and content and not bothering to mask it. No filters.

“Is that a yes?” He whispered and there was no missing the boyish grin spread over his tanned cheeks. Hooking a finger under her chin and brought her face level with his own.

“I suppose you earned a date, Mr. Wayne.” She laughed feverishly. Gently, stroking his palm with her thumb. Enjoying the calloused yet silky skin of an accomplished swordsman and fighter.

An audible sigh left Damian’s mouth as his muscles relaxed with her nestled in his arms. She could sense his relief. Yes, perhaps a change could be good, opening herself to feel again. A new chapter of light and joy.

Notes: I know I have disappeared and haven’t updated in forever but I’m still sick and weak. Also working on the fanzine project. I should be done in a week though. But meanwhile have this short damirae. Not my best but I hope you enjoy it 💖💖💜💜

@deepbreadlover @tweepunkgrl @alerialblu @chromium7sky @kallura-juniblade @cayeeast

I miss you all and youre all welcome to message me. I feel a bit disconnected from the world.

Also I’d like to use to wish @shewhowillnotbenamed1 a happy birthday!! Thank you for blessing us with your beautiful wiring and your friendship 😊😊🥰💜💖

[bcbdrums]

Victory

For a fellow Drakgo fan, it’s @dawhitebag‘s birthday tomorrow!  Happy birthday!!!

Inspired by three pieces of their art:  1, 2, and 3

Read on other sites:  FFn    AO3

Enjoy “Victory,” a tiny AU ending to So the Drama.

-----------------------------------------------

On the computer screen: destruction. Outside the building, a timely lightning storm that would have made any super-villain envious. And inside, standing before the screen, the mad scientist's head was thrown back in maniacal laughter.

Shego watched from the back of the room as henchmen seated at rows of computer consoles maintained careful control of the Li'l Diablos—Drakken's (finally) successful robots that had been his means of taking over the world. The big screen was cycling between news feeds from cities of various nations where armed forces were useless against Drakken's—for once—brilliant plan.

Or had they all been brilliant, and she had just never seen it before? In most every one of his previous plans, she had been over his shoulder, mocking him all the way. This time he had kept everything secret from her. He had said it was to make sure Kim Possible wouldn't discover it, but she wondered now... Had he shut her out so he could actually succeed?

She looked at Drakken's back, and the way he stood taller and prouder than she'd ever seen him. Hands on his hips as the well-tailored suit made clear the fact that the person who usually skulked in an over-sized blue lab coat was in fact a man, and one she realized she was spending more and more of her thoughts on. He turned then, and she noticed how the electric blue of the suit seemed to make his skin and eyes less corpse-like and more vibrant.

He was grinning at her, but not with the chaotic abandon she'd expected. Yes, his eyes held fire and glee, but there was also a knowing within the dark depths as he stared at her, and a desire to know. It sent her heart racing, and she instinctively straightened up from where she was leaned back against the wall. Usually when she let her thoughts stray from the professional to the impossible, it was he who fell uncomfortable under her gaze. But there was something different in his eyes; he had never looked at her that way before.

"Go get changed."

"E-Excuse me?" she answered with unexpected fluster.

"You should be on my level when we make our announcement about ruling the world," he said, gesturing broadly to his suit.

Her eyes widened. "We...?"

"Yes of course...unless... You don't want to make the announcement with me?"

He looked worried for the first time in days, and Shego quickly pushed off the wall and turned to go find something less side-kick and more...co-ruler of the world? Was that what he was saying?

"Give me a minute, I'll be right back."

-------------------

Drakken replayed the image of Shego's retreating back with unease as his nerve-endings were tingling with a slow build of anxiety. He stared at the images on the computer screen, all revealing his triumph in explosive detail. He had hoped to impress her... He had hoped that taking over the world would show her he was more than he appeared, and certainly more than the losers she kept dating.

Recently she had acted more friendly toward him. She had even taken him up on an offer to get revenge against one of the gorillas who had dumped her. Evil bonding was a good secret first date, he had thought. And while she had certainly enjoyed it, and even seemed to enjoy his company...nothing changed beyond that.

He knew world domination was the only way to be worthy of her. But...he had succeeded, and she had yet to say a word about it. Would she reject the offer he was going to make her, of ruling the world together...? It was extremely risky, he knew, but over the past several months as he plotted and schemed, impressing her always at the front of his mind, he had come to realize... Shego was his world. He didn't want to do it without her.

The soft sound of Shego clearing her throat caused him to whirl around, and then his brow rose. She was dressed in the blouse and skirt set modeled after her costume that she had worn when they'd gone to see Brotherson at the Bermuda Triangle. And...she might have done something to her makeup, because her eyes were somehow more vibrant, and her hair was as luxurious as ever.

"This good?" she asked off-handedly, glancing down at the claws of her glove.

"Yes," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat and then clearing it. He hadn't expected her to wear...that, or anything so alluring and feminine. He tried to put back on his usual airs as he beckoned her forward with a small jerk of his head. "Perfect."

Shego seemed to hold her breath before moving, releasing it only when the clack of her heeled boots started eliminated the distance between them.

"Dunno why you need me for this," she said nonchalantly.

Drakken realized he was holding his breath too.

"I thought...you might enjoy more of a...leading role, now. Now that there's no reason to hide things anymore," he quickly justified his statement.

Shego looked up at him with a raised brow. "You mean...co-ruler?"

Drakken bit the inside of his cheek. He selfishly wanted to rule the world alone, but...this might be his only chance.

"I can think of none better," he said, holding his hand out to her not to shake, but palm up and open. He was glad for his gloves to hide his skin's clamminess.

Shego looked between his face and his hand. There was something unspoken in her eyes that made him nervous, and her too apparently as she glanced away to the brightness of the destruction still displayed on screen.

Her silence was causing his anxiety to rise and he rushed to fill it.

"We can...work out the details later."

Shego looked back at his hand, and then up into his eyes. He held her gaze, despite wanting to look away and make excuses for what he was saying. He was expecting the usual sarcastic quip or question of doubt, but instead she simply stared at him. She had never done that before, and he wanted to escape her verdant gaze as much as he longed to fall into it.

She slowly lifted her hand and set her gloved fingertips in his palm, her cheeks coloring as she did so. His lips parted in a silent gasp as her eyes suddenly filled with uncertainty at the same time she rose up on her toes.

Lightning flashed outside, and the next moment was a blur as her other hand was somehow resting on his shoulder and his other inexplicably on the bare flesh at her waist. He saw the flutter of her eyelashes just before her eyes closed, and then her lips pressed softly against his.

The moment was broken far too quickly as he became aware of more things: the orange reflective glow from the explosions on screen, the sudden silence in the room but for the storm outside as the henchmen all stared at them, and the way Shego's hand tightly gripped his.

When she pulled back from the too-brief glimpse into heaven, her eyes were worried and questioning. But not regretful. Drakken released his breath as he gripped her hand in return, a smile of unbridled joy blooming across his face that he couldn't have held back if he wanted to. Her expression changed to one of relief, hope, and excitement, and as he lifted his other hand from her waist to put behind her head and draw her back to the intimate moment, an answering smile filled her face.

The instant before their lips met they were startled from the moment by a resounding cheer, and they both turned to see the entire room of henchmen on their feet, applauding and shouting and a few even exchanging money over bets won and lost no doubt. Drakken ran his hand over his hair sheepishly, but the feel of Shego's hand looping through his arm drew his focus back to her and where she was smiling up at him, trying to maintain her usual air of confidence through the shy joy that had filled her eyes.

"Shego..." He wasn't sure what else he would have said, but the awed breathing of her name was all he could manage.

She cleared her throat, though it didn't do anything to mask the blush in her cheeks.

"Ruling the world?" she said softly.

Drakken blinked. "Right... Jameson!" he bellowed for the henchman, "Get ready for the broadcast!"

Drakken and Shego turned to face the computer screen that changed to show their image. He was startled by what he saw, as he had only ever seen it in his dreams before: Shego on his arm, her confidence, beauty, and intelligence...devoted to him.

------------------------

Shego looked at Drakken's eyes through the video monitor where his assurance suddenly seemed to have faltered. Her heart was still racing from the impulsive kiss, but she couldn't have agreed to rule the world with him without knowing. But suddenly, something seemed to have changed.

"Dr. D.?" she asked softly, her fingers tightening on his arm in what she hoped was reassurance.

He blinked a few times and then looked down, anxiety rapidly joining the happiness in his eyes. His jaw worked for a moment before one word finally slipped out.

"Me...?"

Shego grinned. "Yes. You."

He seemed to calm, but then his brow furrowed. She cut him off before he could continue.

"Why me?" Drakken's brow rose in response. And again, she cut him off. "Probably similar reasons?"

Drakken considered, and Shego decided in a split-second to let her own remaining uncertainty show.

"We can...talk about all of it later. As long as you're sure...?"

Drakken grabbed her hand on his arm and held it tight, nodding firmly.

"Yes. I'm sure."

The laser-focus in his eyes was all the assurance she needed, and as her expression melted back to happiness she watched his shift into the same.

"So..." she sighed as she felt her nerves finally begin to calm, "talk later... But right now, I believe we have a broadcast to make?"

Drakken straightened, and his broad grin of victory returned.

"Yes," he said firmly, "we do."

Shego mirrored his devilish look as they faced the screen again, taking just a moment to survey the image that met them once more. Side by side, and arm in arm... She honestly wondered what had taken them so long.

Drakken turned and nodded at the henchman waiting to begin the live broadcast to the world that they now owned. He turned back and gave Shego that same knowing grin that had spurred her to action. She returned it in kind.

"Let's do it!"

[anxiouslyfred]

Throwing Pigs

Summary: Virgil wishes he knew the anchoring phrase that would one day help his soulmate calm him down from anxiety attacks, but for now, he’s just trying to figure as much out as he can, and help his friends in the process.

Authors Note: I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed the soulmate stories I’ve written this month. I’ve loved seeing the comments people have had and as difficult as this amount of writing has gotten it’s been one hell of a ride and I’ve loved it all.

/\/\

Virgil often wished that those anchoring words everyone spoke about making you feel safe were easier to uncover. He'd love to feel safer, calmer, especially when the world felt like it was just way too much, but without knowing his soulmate and either helping them relax, or them helping him, he would probably never learn the full phrase.

In fact he was probably lucky to have gotten so many words from the phrase already, not that he had any clue how 'fly', 'really fast' and 'throwing' needed to be arranged or connected to make any sort of calming words. They didn't really need to be calming, but usually they were from all the stories that made the news about celebrity soulmates meeting.

Honestly he could swear that most of his friends felt the same, like it would be easier if they knew the right phrase to make him feel safe, whether they knew his soulmate or not. There had been so many times that he had backed out last minute from plans because something in him started looking into all the dangers, from wherever they were going being over crowded to that rattle probably from something unsecured in the trunk of his car actually being some major issue that would cause it to explode if he drove too far. It had to be wearing down on his friends by now, and Virgil was both shocked and pleased they hadn't given him up as a burden they didn't want to bear.

They'd never admit that though. In fact, once Virgil had mentioned how he was sure everyone got annoyed with his anxiety to Roman only to get scoffed at. “Dark Knight, seriously, I've got Remus for a brother. Do you really claim to be harder to keep calm than that hyperactive overenthusiastic whirlwind of chaos?”

While he hadn't been able to argue with that in the moment, Virgil really didn't think Remus was that bad. Of course occasionally he fixated on some macabre subjects but who was Virgil to judge? They both had minds that covered possible ways to die regularly, and  whether their coping mechanisms were similar or complete opposites, that didn't change the source thoughts being related.

The first time he'd seen Remus get caught in a thought spiral, Virgil had asked whether he knew any words from his phrase, after he'd calmed down at least. Apparently they both had 'throwing' in their phrase, but Remus only had 'pig' other than that, and neither of them could believe that there was any way to connect their words together to make a phrase at all.

It looked like Remus might just have found a way to though, since Virgil reached the park they were meeting up in to hear constant mutters about things happening 'when pigs fly' and how everything that flies has to land at some point.

“Yo. Think you said something about repainting, is that still on the plan or are you changing it?” Virgil called, trying to get his friend's attention.

“How many things would happen if pigs started flying? Also does that saying have to be unassisted, not in an aeroplane or helicopter?” Remus asked, gaze snapping onto him with a near desperation to talk about his thoughts.

Virgil shrugged. “Well I'm pretty sure I said I'd only stay calm when pigs fly so that's one thing to start with. What are we classing as flight anyway? Is this a Buzz Lightyear thing where falling with style gets passed off as flight?”

“No no no no no. Sustained movement through the air is a determined direction. No falling down and using rolling things to throw you up again, and can it really be flight if you're on the ground again within like a hundred yards of where you began? But then people have been catapulted further than that so I guess humans have known how to make each other fly, it's just self controlled flight we can't do yet.” Remus was shaking his head and waving his hands rapidly, almost making Virgil dizzy with the movement.

He remembered others helping Remus calm down by repeating the subjects back at him with questions and had tried that the first time. The answer just getting more frazzled only said he'd focused on the wrong bit of Remus's thoughts to help.

Mentally he checked over other questions he could ask as Remus returned back to pigs flying and the outcomes it could have. “So throwing a pig really fast could make it fly?” He offered, blinking when Remus turned, taking a few deep breaths at the words.

“Yeah, yeah, that's good. You're really good at safety words.” Remus commented after a moment of just breathing, hands lowering to his hips after a moment. “I bet Logan and Patton would throw a fit if we actually did try to make a pig fly though. Animal abuse probably includes launching pigs from catapults.”

The sudden change of energy from Remus concerned Virgil for a minute before the descriptions of how people calmed once their soulmate said the anchoring words popped into his head. He couldn't help himself from immediately asking, “Good at safety words or have I just said our anchoring words?”

“But you said, we both said, the words we knew couldn't fit together to make a phrase?” Remus wasn't arguing, just looking a little lost at the suggestion.

Virgil gave him a half smile. “Well you did say the words you knew were 'pig' and 'throwing', and mine were 'throwing', 'really fast' and 'fly'. I don't know about you but I can hear all those words getting included in 'So throwing a pig really fast could make it fly'.”

Another deep breath was taken by Remus before he latched onto Virgil's side, only unlike a koala in that his legs remained on the floor. “Definitely said our anchoring words. My snarky sarcastic and wonderful soulmate.”

Virgil snorted, shaking his head, but letting his arms wrap around them. “I vote we leave whatever mischief you had planned for another day and instead work on making a model pig to launch into flight.” He suggested, completely amused by how bizarre their words were. If someone else ever heard them calming each other down from now on they could get into a lot of really weird conversations. Might as well have a story beyond just the thought spiral and the words.

“I like how you think, my Hog King.” Remus cackled at the suggestion, already pulling them back to Virgil's car. At least his bike wasn't in the car park, suggesting he'd either been given a lift or found some unexpected way to get their.

[tinyhwng]

found you

pt 2 of secret relationship with professor!changbin

request? yes (anon)

pairing: changbin x reader

t/w: none?

genre: fluff 

word count: 2,386

a/n: im so used to writing angst for changbin that immediately forgot how to think while planning for this lmao. regardless, i hope u enjoy! 

summary: was it all just coincidence that brought you two together or was fate playing a part in fixing what you left behind?

The dark cold winter night swallowed Changbin’s apartment. He was still adjusting to everything after fully moving out of his ex-fiance’s home. It was a big change for him, though it wasn’t terrible. He never wanted the engagement in the first place but was forced due to the circumstances that had to come in between. Nothing really triggered his will to leave until he realized that after all this time, he was still longing for your return. 

Almost three years have passed since then. Since the day you received the message that you had to leave him alone. He soon found out about Lia guilt-tripping you to leaving him which immediately caused the downfall of his relationship with the girl. He tried to love her, he really did, but it just wasn’t the same.

He missed you. So much. 

You had finished school after majoring in business at a university in another city. It felt like the longest three years of your life. You strayed from making deep friendships and usually just minded your own business. You rarely had to worry about working due to the “consolation” fee your past university provided you for having to “move” you. You know that three years should’ve been enough to move on for anyone but memories still linger which made it difficult for you to do so. You weren’t planning on returning to see him, you just wanted to see home again.

You return back to your old apartment three years ago. Everything struck you as you entered. The same old smell, the same old view, and everything else. It felt like three years ago again, well, the good days of three years ago. You unpack and made your way to the cafe nearby to snack on anything.

Changbin was carried away in his music as he answered emails on his laptop. He took a sip from his coffee when his eyes landed on the door. He squints, blinks and pinches himself as he watched you enter the cafe. He didn’t know whether this was a dream or not but he was too starstruck to do anything.

You had not noticed the pair of eyes that had watched you since you entered. You took a seat after ordering and scrolled through your phone, Soon enough, you felt as if someone was watching you. Your eyes scanned the room, eyes landing on the boy in the corner of the room. It’s him. Shit.

You immediately got up, making your way out of the door. 

Changbin quickly collected his stuff and stuffed it inside his backpack. He made his way out, looking for where you could’ve had gone. He spots you, speedily walking away. He made his way towards you, sprinting as fast as he could. He couldn’t lose you again. 

“Found you.” he was out of breath when he appeared in front of you. He struck a smile before you made your way around him. “Y/N, please. Are you still ignoring me?”

“We don’t have any reason to talk.” You responded, not halting.

He tries to stop you once more. “You left. Just like that.”

You didn’t want to but your steps grew slower. You lowered your head, not knowing how to comprehend what was happening.

“Y/N, you don’t have to explain. I know why you did that.”

You gulped at his statement, finding your pace back as you made your way back to your apartment. He stopped following you, just looking as you disappear into the distance.

You entered your cold apartment, gasping for air as you practically sprinted on your way back. You were twenty-four, you felt childish but you couldn’t help it. The anxiety that very night returned as you saw him again. 

The feelings too. 

A few hours passed after the unexpected meeting. You step out your balcony to get some fresh air, admiring the gleaming city beneath you. It wasn’t warm nor was it cold. It felt just right. Your mind slowly felt at ease as you hummed with the soft wind breezing past you. It didn’t feel like the day should have been this good but somehow, it felt calm. You felt... content. 

You spoke too soon.

You heard the door open from your next-door neighbour. You weren’t sure if your past neighbours had stayed so you took a peek and then completely regret it. 

“C-Changbin?” You froze as you faced his balcony.

“Y/N...”

“You live here??” 

“Look y/n, I didn’t know. I swear. This was the only place that allowed me to move in sooner. I-I’m sorry.”

“I thought you lived with your fiance?” You question him, curious of all the sudden coincidences. 

He wanted to answer your question but the fact that you were aware of what had been happening in his life almost comforted him. It gave him hope that maybe, you didn’t completely forget about him. 

“Ex-fiance actually.” He explained. “It’s a long story.”

“Are you sure you’re not just hiding?” You were still cautious cause despite everything, his fiance was the reason you had live a completely different life than what you wanted. 

“No- I officially ended it.”

“But why?” Questions kept pushing themselves out of your mouth. Your head filled with thoughts about the other boy. “What about your job?”

“I resigned.” He sighed while emitting a small smile.

“Resigned? So you’re jobless now?” 

“Not exactly. I’ve been producing some music for people here and there.”

You had no reason to ask him all of these questions after everything that’s happened. Three years should have been enough but for you, not a single thing changed. You still cared.

“Look I know we parted ways abruptly. We don’t have to talk about it but I’d love to catch up with you.” He asked, almost desperate for an answer. “I just miss you, that’s all.”

I just miss you, his words echoed in your head. You left him, without any word yet his words sound like you had never done anything wrong. A rush of guilt crawled through you, whispering all the reasons why you don’t deserve him.

“Like I said, I don’t care what happened before. I know you had your reasons.” He saw the concerned frown on your face. He wanted to reassure you he was okay with anything. He really just wanted to see you again.

“Okay.” You responded, soft but enough to be heard. “Would you like to come over?”

Your sudden suggestion startled the boy. “N-Now?”

“I have a feeling my mind might change tomorrow. It would be unfortunate then wouldn’t it?”

He gulped. “Okay. I’ll be over.” A few moments and he was gone, following the knock on your front door. 

You open, letting him in. You saw him glance around a few unopened boxes around the room. “It’s almost finished.” You explained. 

“Would you like some help?” He offered, “assembling couches and beds might take more than those arms of yours.”

You glance at your arms, retracting them back to your chest. “What about my arms?”

“No- I just meant it’ll be better with more hands around here.” His apologetic tone could be heard, not meaning to offend you. “ Your hands are completely fine.”

He loved this. Talking to you again brings back all the memories and feelings he’s longed for so long. Although you both were still adjusting, he hoped that even if you don’t return to how it was before, he’ll at least hope you’d let him enter your life as a friend. 

 I’m still in love, you thought, It never disappeared, not even for a single second. It was seeing him again that made you consider it again. With different circumstances today, will it give the two of you the chance to love again?

“Have you bought food already?” He noticed the lack of goods in your kitchen, worried that you weren’t eating enough.

You walk over to your fridge, opening it to show him. “No, but I have alcohol.” You chuckled.

“Wow, so you’re alcoholic now.”

You grab one for yourself, “suit yourself.”

You both spend some hours on your living room floor watching some Netflix while catching up on what you’ve both been doing. 

“How long have you been producing?” You asked, opening the third can of beer you have for tonight.

“A few months. Right after I moved out I guess.”

You turn to him, a curious expression on your face. “Since I have time now, what happened to you and your fiance?” 

“Oh, that? Well, it was never an engagement I wanted to be in so from the start I never really intrigued the idea that I actually have to marry her so maybe that created the rift between the two of us. I tried still but it just never worked out. I guess it became even worse when I found out something she did back when I was still teaching.”

“What was it?”

“How she bribed the university to move you.”

“How did you find out?”

“The emails and her father.” He explained, sighing at the situation. “So from then on, I never saw her as anything else. I stayed for business purposes, for her father since he’s done so much for me.”

“I see.” You nod as you took more sips. “So you just left then?”

“I guess I realized I didn’t wanna live my life being controlled you know? I resigned, broke off the engagement and here I am now.” he chuckled nervously. 

“But what made you realize that you wanted to leave?”

“I realize I was still in love with someone else.” 

You choked at your drink, almost spitting it out. You froze where you sat, refusing to look at the boy.

“Y/N, calm down.” He laughed. “I’m not forcing you into anything.” He reaches for the tissues behind him, offering them to you. “Here.”

The night fell and soon you did too. You failed to control your alcohol intake and soon your head felt drowsy. You felt the tug of the other boy.

“Y/N, you’re drunk.” He took the can from your hand. He leaves for a moment and grabs a few blankets from your room to the living room. “I think it’s time for you to rest.” He adjusts you so you could sleep comfortably. 

Although you were drunk, the only sober part of your brain wanted to beg the boy to stay. So you did.

“Can you stay the night?” You murmured. 

He wanted to but he thought it was your drunk self that was talking. From his perspective, he didn’t know if you really wanted him to stay or not.

“Please,” you begged, “just for tonight.”

He hesitated before finally nodding. “D-Do you have more blankets somewhere in these boxes.”

You shook your head, your eyes shutting. You lazily unfold the excess blanket beside you. “Share.” You whispered.

“W-What, no? Are you sure?” 

You nodded, pulling him down. “I’m sure.” At this point, all you could say were mumble of words but you tried your best so he could at least understand a little bit of what you were saying.

You squish his face, smiling before letting it go. “I-I can’t believe,” you giggled, “after all these years, you’re still the same.”

The boy was visibly confused, not knowing what to do with himself in the situation. 

“and after all these years, the feelings never disappeared.”

“Y/N, w-what are you saying?”

“Seo Changbin,” you giggled once more, “I like that name, I-I don’t know if I ever told you that but I like your name.” You advance your face towards his, smiling before placing a peck on his cheeks. 

Flustered. That’s all he was. He lost track of who he was for a moment. A rush of excitement ran through him. He wanted to savor this moment, knowing you’ll probably forget this once you wake up. 

“Bin,” you sighed, “I’m sorry I left you.” You were still very much drunk, you barely had any control over your emotions. “I never wanted to leave you.” You sobbed.

“Hey, no need to cry. I understand, don’t worry.” He reaches for your face, wiping the tears that had fallen out of your eyes. 

You shift yourself, moving towards the boy. You snuggle right into his chest, feeling his heartbeat get a little faster every second. “Bin, can I tell you something?”

You felt him nod, “mhm.”

“Is it okay if I tell you I still love you?” You mumbled. 

There was a sudden silence between the two of you. The boy was not expecting that question and now he’s too flustered to think. For him, you were drunk and although that made him sad, he still liked seeing you like this. It took him back to the old days.

“Of course it is, regardless that if you’d forget this conversation or not, I’ll be okay with that anytime.” He embraced you before he felt your weight shift. You were sound asleep, and he had planned to leave a few hours before you’d wake up.

Morning came and your head felt heavy. You admit you were drunk but you were definitely aware of the things that had happened before you fell asleep. Changbin was nowhere to be found so you fix yourself before heading over to his place.

You knock, “Changbin, it’s me.”

He slowly opens the door, only enough for you to see a part of his face. “Y/N, I swear nothing happened last night. I left right after you fell asleep.”

“God- I know what happened.”

“You were drunk. I figured you would’ve forgotten- wait how much do you remember?”

“Everything.” You sighed, “now let me in.”

He opens the door, slowly and cautiously, worried you were trying to trick him but instead, he got something else. You entered and immediately approached the boy, without any hesitation you locked your lips with his. Softly pinning him against the wall, you embraced him. 

You pause before getting ahead of yourself. “Can we start again, please?” Your eyes were full of hope as you stared right back at the boy. 

He places a soft kiss on your lips, sweeping your hair behind your ears. “I’d love to.”

You cast a smile, cupping his cheeks into your hands. You haven’t felt this happy in a while and you realized that maybe, this was all destined to happen. 

[teacherintransition]

Hold on, There’s more Change Coming

“It is not in the Stars to hold our Destiny but in ourselves” – Julius Caesar in Julius Caesar

Change is the universal constant yet we fear it or vilify it because it comes too quickly, too slowly or at inopportune times... but arrive it will and we are caught up by it. Be patient regarding the outcome.

Since Covid, since retirement my entire life has been about adjusting to change on sometimes monumental levels; as have all of our lives. This blog is not about politics, but the expression of a journey of transition to different stages of life... but political change is certainly part of current adjustments. We can truly never go back once change marches through our lives... but it’s magic will work best when we greet it with patience. Those that know me well, perhaps may be currently experiencing a sense of dizziness or cognitive dissonance at the thought of me extolling patience. Relax, sit down and get a drink of water or perhaps stronger libation to deal with this contradiction taking place and some wisdom to follow.

During some of the more stressful moments I experienced as a teacher was getting seven middle school Destination Imagination teams ready for competition,it was a tense, overwhelming situation. I would, to use the vernacular of psychological experts, lose it! This occurred for many reasons but none more prominent than my IMpatience. I had a brilliant young lady, who is so much like a daughter to me, attempt to talk me down from my agitated state. The now adult former student, who shall remain nameless, though not numberless (867-5309 some of you will get this) would look in my eyes and say, “breathe Mr. Rich...just breathe!” To which I often replied to her, “I DON’T WANT TO BREATHE!” I weren’t no patient feller and still struggle with it, but find some success now and then. Some advocate ambitious impatience as a quality of movers and shakers.... that is rarely the case in my view. Let us visit the bard again:

“How poor are they that do not have Patience?” – Iago in the Tragedy of Othello

-William Shakespeare

Shakespeare has wisdom for every situation and at the very least in this quote seems to imply that even in the best situations, lacking patience will cause us to miss something. Slowing down appears to be universal wisdom for much of what we go through in life. Often this blog has been advocating focusing on life’s moments for enrichment of the everyday. Often these experiences are of our own choosing, how does slowing down... being patient apply when situations thrust themselves into your life uninvited? A teacher in transition may face disruption far removed from any careful planning. This is a common phenomenon in the business world where change comes often to an unreceptive work force. Susanne Madsen in her article; “Why is Organizational Change so Hard?” explains the difficulty and resistance to projects and adjustments in the business world is due to the general reason we all resist change: fear. She writes:

Resistance to change is a phenomenon we frequently talk about in project management circles; it’s something we often quote as a major reason why projects and change programs don’t deliver the results they set out to. At its core, resistance to change is a label we apply to people who seem unwilling to accept a change. But for the most part, it isn’t the change itself that people resist. People resist change because they believe they will lose something of value or fear they will not be able to adapt to the new ways.

Business, education, personal lives, societal we all create a comfort zone or routine that we conform to regardless if it is effective or personally satisfying. “Better the devil you know rather than the devil you don’t,” is a cliche oft heard in countless arenas. How do we respond, adapt and get the most out of the inevitable? This is not a new dilemma for an impatient person who deals with anxiety... not new at all. The nature of experience that I’ve dealt with in my writing has been that of an organic, intrinsic, personal nature. I’m so incredibly right brained in my approach to life, referring to business philosophies to facilitate my personal changes would’ve have been the equivalent of getting instructions in Russian. How often can we surprise ourselves. Change is universal, so a right brained, spontaneous, creative sensitive empath can learn from those of the “logical” camp. While seeking advice in the world of personal change that involved retirement, pandemic, political upheaval, familial tragedies I came across some helpful suggestions from the Harvard Business Review, what’d I say about this being out of character for me? Nick Tasler suggests these approaches:

1. Find the humor in the situation. ...

2. Talk about problems more than feelings. ...

3. Don't stress out about stressing out. ...

4. Focus on your values instead of your fears. ...

5. Accept the past, but fight for the future. ...

6. Don't expect stability

Gold, pure gold and it didn’t come from Shakespeare, Tacitus or Buddha; just a gentleman who saw universal techniques to deal with change that worked in a field of constant change. Though not explicitly stated, all of these techniques require a slow over an impulsive reaction to sudden and disruptive events. Mr. Tasler suggests we focus on what we can control and basically who we are for strength; and touches on Eastern philosophy: do not expect ease in life. It’s odd that so often, so consistently we act contrary to the best approach. Slow down ... not just to smell the roses, but to get yourself free from the thorns.

Many of us have had an anxious few days regarding political change, an anxious few months regarding changes in our safety and health and possibly other unexpected changes in our personal dealings. I’ve been able to take away from this writing process that wisdom I’ve acquired over the years will definitely apply to any change that may appear unsettling at first. If we realize that changes are occurring, it means we are moving forward. If we have persevered though other challenges, we can through new ones. If we can find peace in the inevitability of a non linear path in our lives, it means we are taking time to process what lies before us. Reassurance obtained? Yes.... ease and comfort guaranteed? No, but the mystery is part of the excitement and the chances for success? Pretty good if we remember to slow down and realize ...

“We know what we are but know not what we may be.”– Ophelia in Hamlet

Madsen, Susanne; “Why is Organizational Change so Hard;” www.liquidplanner.com/blog/why-is-organizational-change-so-hard/; Liquid Planner; 11, January, 2018

Tasler, Nick; “ How to Get Better at Dealing with Change;” Harvard Business Review; Harvard School of Business; September, 2016

http://labibliotecacoffee.com/

[winchester19-67]

Unexpected

Pairing: Doctor!Dean x Nurse!Reader

Warnings: Anxiety, Panic attack, Implied Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 2,828

Square Filled: Co-Worker AU (Fluff Bingo)

Square Filled: Enemies to Lovers (Dean Bingo)

Square Filled: Medical AU (Genre Bingo)

A/N: This was written for @spnfluffbingo2019, @spndeanbingo, and @spngenrebingo.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes. You hate elevators, but it's only four more floors until you reach the ground floor so you can finally go home after working a double shift.

You tuck your hands into the pockets of your scrubs, only opening your eyes when the elevator stops before it reaches your floor. The doors slide open, and you think about getting off here and just taking the stairs when you see who steps onto the elevator.

"(Y/N)," he says as he nods his head once at you, trying to avoid eye contact at all costs.

"Dean," you reply, earning a look of disgust.

"That's Mr. Winchester to you," he growls.

"What have I ever done to you?" you ask him as the doors slide shut again, leaving you alone with him.

"You stole my parking spot."

You roll your eyes. "We don't have assigned parking."

"Now thanks to you, I'm gonna have to walk half a mile in the rain to get to my car."

"You poor baby," you say mockingly.

"I've been parking in the same spot for five years, then you show up and I had to drive around this morning looking for a spot."

"There's plenty of open places for you to park."

"None that I like."

"Well I'm sorry, your Highness, that there's only one spot that's suitabe fo-"

You're cut off when the elevator comes to a sudden stop, and the space goes dark.

"What was that?""

Dean rasies an eyebrow at you. "The elevator stopped."

"Thanks for the update, Sherlock," you spit out. "Why did it stop?"

"The electricity must've went out because of the storm."

"Don't we have back up generators?"

"They'll kick on in a minute," Dean says before continuing on with the previous argument. "The thing that really gets me is that you do it on purpose."

"Do what on purpose?" you ask as you close your eyes, not really able to focus on anything right now other than the feeling that the walls are closing in on you.

"Parked in my spot."

"Your name is not on that parking place," you tell him.

"Were you not listening to me?" he asks. "Five years, (Y/N). I've been parking there for five years. You've been here for three months. You know that I park in the same place every morning."

"How petty can you get?" you ask him, trying to get your mind off of the fact that your heart feels like it's about to beat out of your chest. "It's a parking space."

"It's my parking space."

"You sound like a child right now." You swallow hard. "I don't see how someone who acts so much like a baby can become a doctor."

"And I don't know why they let smart allecks become nurses."

"How am I being a smart alleck? I parked there because it was the first open spot I came across this morning, and I was running late." You feel like you can't breathe, so you decide to quit paying attention to him, and focus on calming yourself.

"I don't believe that," Dean scoffs. "You parked there to get on my nerves. I know you did. Say what you want about it, but..." Dean trails off when he notices that you're hanging onto the railing for dear life. Your eyes are closed tightly, and you look like you're seconds away from hyperventilating.

"(Y/N)?" Dean says cautiously. "You okay?"

"Not a big fan of elevators," you breathe out. "I don't really care for tight spaces, heights, or you for that matter."

"Generators should be coming on any second."

"You've said that already," you say. "What if they don't come on?"

"Then I guess we're stuck here for a while."

"No, no, no, no. That can't happen. I need out of here now."

"(Y/N), you've gotta calm down."

"Don't tell me what to do," you warn.

"Look, I know you're mad at me right now, but you have to calm down before you pass out."

Dean can tell that you're past the point where you're able to comprehend anything he's saying. You're too far lost in the panic. Dean walks over and lightly touches your arm, but you flinch and move away from him a bit.

"(Y/N), you need to sit down."

You swallow hard and try to talk, but the words sound like they're being squeezed out of your throat. "Why do you care?"

"Let's put everything aside for right now, okay?" Dean suggests. "I'm trying to help you here." You pry your eyes open to look at him, and you can tell he's being serious. You reluctantly follow his instructions and slide down so you're sitting on the floor of the elevator. Dean kneels down beside of you, but keeps his distance.

"You feel lightheaded?" he asks you.

"A little," you reply as you close your eyes again.

"It's from where you're panicking," Dean replies. You kinda want to snap at him and say that you already knew that, but you decide to keep your mouth shut. "I need you to take deep breaths for me. Can you do that?"

You nod your head and inhale deeply, trying your best to forget where you're at, or who you're stuck in here with.

"Good," Dean says softly. "Now just keep breathing like that, alright? You're safe."

"What if the elevator falls?"

"The chances of that happening are very slim," he replies. "Don't think about it right now. Just think of it as if we're just stuck in a small room."

"A small room that's being suspended hundreds of feet in the air."

Dean can't help but to smile a bit, thankful that your eyes are still tightly closed and you can't see him. "Calmed down now?"

"I think so," you breathe out, even though your body is completely tense all over.

"Good," Dean replies. "I'm gonna try to get us out of here, okay?"

"How?" you ask quietly.

"Do you have your phone?" Dean asks you. "I don't have mine on me."

"Yeah," you reply as you pull your phone out of your pocket and hand it over to Dean.

"Great," Dean sighs. "No service. Well, we'll get out of here eventually."

"What are we supposed to do until then?" you ask him.

"Wait."

"Great plan," you say sarcastically.

"What do you want me to do?" he asks. "Pry the doors open with my bare hands?"

"There's a start."

"Even if I could," Dean begins, "we're more than likely stuck between floors."

"I don't know," you groan. "I just want out of here."

"And that will happen," Dean tells you. "But you have to be patient."

"Patience is non-existent when you're on the verge of having a panic attack," you reply. Dean just nods his head before leaning his back against the wall beside of you. You both go silent, and you don't know how much time has passed before you feel the panic begin to creep back up on you.

"Hey, Dean?"

"Hm?"

"I really didn't park in your precious spot this morning just to get on your nerves," you tell him truthfully. "I really was running late, and it really was the first one I saw."

"Look," he begins, "I'm sorry I went off, okay? I just... It threw me off."

You raise an eyebrow at him. "Someone 'stealing' your parking space threw you off?"

Dean shrugs his shoulders. "I told you. I've been parking there for five years. I don't like change."

"Then how on earth do you survive the constant schedule changes, and the sudden double shifts?"

"I've come to accept it as part of the job," Dean replies. "I'd actually be throwed off if I had a normal work schedule for once. I've gotten used to that. But someone parking in my spot? I'm not used to that."

You shake your head at him. "You're insane."

Dean smiles a bit. "Maybe so," he replies. "It doesn't change the fact that I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you reply truthfully. "Doesn't mean it won't happen again though."

Dean chuckles. "I think I can live sharing my parking space with you."

You smile a bit and rest your head back against the wall.

"You look tired," Dean points out.

"Working a double shift and having a panic attack will do that to a person," you say. "How long do you think it will be before we can get out of here?"

"Could be a few minutes," Dean replies. "Could be a couple hours. All I know is that we might as well get comfortable."

"Not too comfortable," you say. "I might fall asleep."

"Go ahead," Dean shrugs. "That way if the elevator falls, you'll save yourself a few seconds of terror." Your eyes widen, and Dean starts laughing. "I'm kidding."

"I hate you," you smile.

"Yeah, I know," he replies.

After a few minutes, Dean looks over to see that your head is starting to fall to one side. You look uncomfortable, so he wraps an arm around your back and pulls you over so your head is resting on his shoulder. You begin to stir a bit at the movement.

"You're okay," Dean says softly. "Just didn't want you to wake up with a sore neck."

You nod once before letting yourself slip into unconsciousness. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, sleepyhead," Dean smiles as you slowly open your eyes.

"What time is it?" you yawn.

"Two in the morning," Dean replies.

You sigh and close your eyes again. "Are they ever going to get us out of here?"

"Actually," Dean says slowly. "While you were asleep, I was able to get a signal on your phone. I got a hold of someone, and they said the hospital was only without power for a few seconds before the generators kicked in, but they're having problems getting the elevators running again."

"Why?"

"They don't know yet," Dean replies. "Said to give them a couple more hours."

"How long ago has that been?"

"About twenty minutes."

"No," you groan, wanting nothing more than to be in your own bed right now.

"Hey, we're not gonna be stuck here forever," Dean says.

"Feels like it," you reply as you feel your heart rate begin to pick up again.

"Hey, don't panic on me again," Dean says, not sure that he can get you calmed down a second time.

"I can't really... control it," you breathe out as you close your eyes again.

"Stay with me, sweetheart," Dean says softly as he places a hand on your shoulder.

You almost scold him for calling you that name, but at the same time, it kind of sounded good coming off his tongue.

"I had a nightmare," you admit as you try to control your breathing again. "I was stuck in here like we are now, except I was alone. When I started panicking, you weren't here to help calm me down. Then the elevator dropped, and it never stopped. It just keep going." Your hands curl into fists.

"Hey," Dean tells you softly. "The elevator isn't falling, and you're not alone."

"Doesn't change anything," you tell him. "It could still fall."

"It won't."

"But you... You don't know that." You swallow hard. "You don't... You don't know that we're not gonna fall."

"(Y/N)..."

"You don't know that we're not gonna die in here!" you say as you fall into a full panic. You start gasping for breath, and Dean gently grabs both of your shoulders.

"Look at me," Dean tells you. "(Y/N), look at me."

You clench your eyes shut that much tighter and shake your head. "I ca... I can't breathe. I-I... I can't..."

Dean does something completely unexpected. He leans in and presses his lips against yours. You tense up more for half a second before completely relaxing. When Dean pulls back, you look up at him and take a deep breath.

"Do you... Do you kiss all of your patients like that?"

Dean smirks. "Only the pretty ones." You blush a bit.

Dean chuckles before bringing a hand up to your cheek. He leans his head in again, and just before his lips find yours for the second time, the lights suddenly come back on and the elevator comes to life. Dean clears his throat as he pulls back a bit, and you shyly look away.

"This isn't very proffessional, Mr. Winchester," you say softly.

Dean shrugs. "Technically, we are both off the clock."

"Well," you begin, "it was a good distraction."

Dean smiles a bit. "We'd better get up before the doors open."

"Yeah," you reply. Dean jumps to his feet and takes your hands in his, pulling you up just as the elevator stops. The doors slide open and you step out, taking a deep breath once you're finally out of that death trap.

"You okay now?" Dean asks.

"Yeah," you reply. "Now that I don't feel like we're getting ready to fall hundreds of feet to our death."

"Told you we'd survive," Dean says as you both walk out into the parking lot.

"Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Being stuck in that elevator with you really wasn't as terrible as I thought it was going to be."

Dean raises an eyebrow at you. "Thank you?"

You smile at him. "You really helped calm me down."

"I'm just that good of a kisser," Dean smirks.

"Well, you definitely aren't terrible."

Dean chuckles as he nods his head. "Not terrible, huh?"

"I mean, I definitely wouldn't be against it happening again," you tease. "Well, you know, without the elevator part."

"We're not in an elevator now," Dean says.

"No, we're not," you smile. "But, um, somebody might see us out here."

"And?" Dean asks.

"And we work together," you reply. "It might not go over too well with some people."

"There's no rule against it."

"There's also no rule against someone parking in your spot, and you see how well that went."

"Hey, I told you that I wouldn't be against sharing with you."

"Only me?"

"Anybody else tries to park there, I'll break their neck," Dean says, causing you to giggle. "Seriously, though. What would be the harm?" he asks. "I mean, we'd just be two people who work together and kiss occassionally."

You raise an eyebrow at him. "Just kiss?"

"Anything more might not be appropriate for the parking lot," Dean smirks.

"We'll just have to go somewhere else," you suggest.

Dean quickly pulls you in before brushing his lips against yours. Both of his hands rest on your hips as your lips move in sync. When Dean pulls back, he smiles.

"I know we were in the middle of a conversation," he says, "but I couldn't go another second without doing that again."

"I'm not complaining," you reply. "Where were we?"

"With the kissing or the talking?"

"The talking," you laugh as you playfully roll your eyes.

"I believe you suggested that we take this somewhere else," Dean says.

"I believe I did," you smile.

"How far away do you live?"

"Fifteen minutes."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm closer."

"Well," you smile. "You lead the way, Winchester." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up to loud snoring in your ear. Dean's arms are still wrapped tightly around you, and his head is resting on your shoulder. You reach over to run a hand through Dean's hair, and it's not long until his green eyes begin to flutter open.

"Good morning," you smile.

"Morning," Dean mumbles as he hides his face in your neck. "Sleep well?"

"I did," you reply. "Did you?"

Dean chuckles. "Who wouldn't after last night?" He begins placing short, soft kisses to your skin. "That was..."

"Great," you smile.

"It was great," Dean agrees. "But it was also..."

"Also, what?" you ask, afraid that maybe he regrets it already.

"Unexpected."

"Definitely unexpected," you giggle.

"I'm not gonna be able to look at you the same at work now."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah," Dean says. "I mean, you're not just gonna be nurse (Y/L/N) to me anymore. You're gonna be my girl."

"Your girl?"

"I mean, if you want to be," Dean says, your smile being his answer.

"Are you gonna be as possessive with me as you are with your parking space?"

"Even worse, baby," Dean replies. "We're going to have to start avoiding each other at work now."

"And why's that?" you ask him.

"Because I'm not gonna be able to see you without wanting to kiss you," Dean tells you. "While it might not be against the rules, I'm pretty sure it will be frowned upon while we're supposed to be working."

"Good idea," you say.

"So," Dean begins, "I'll have to start taking the stairs."

"Oh, no, no, no," you tell him. "I'm not going anywhere near another elevator for a long time unless I absolutely have to. I'll take the stairs."

Dean chuckles as he begins kissing your neck again. "Deal."

Tags: @adoptdontshoppets @polina-93 @ispeakwinchester @blue-pink-green

[boopboopboopbadoop]

Please laugh at this because I did not get such bad anxiety over this that I started shaking violently for nobody to find it even a little funny.

So I’m sitting there after dinner with my grandfather (L), mom (M), stepdad (J), and grandfather’s wife’s best friend(C) (who we like better than the wife(G)). The wife was in the kitchen washing dishes.

So we’re just making small talk and C is like “So, BG, I hear you have a boyfriend” and I look at my mom and I know she didn’t snitch, so I’m just like HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW IT’S LITERALLY BEEN 27 HOURS WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE?!

And my grandfather quickly jumps in like “No.” knowing that this has been a sore subject. And my mom and I are just sitting there silently and I’m just like if I say nothing and let them argue it’s not lying.

But then L is like “Unless there is and she’s just not telling me. Which if there was and I wasn’t told, I would be very angry.”

And I’m just like fuck fuck fuckety fuck I really thought I could hide this for four days. It really wasn’t unreasonable since M and J were committed to helping.

So I have to fess up. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with what I have done. And it really pains me that I have to hide this. I’m really fucking proud that someone like him would like me. Didn’t think it was possible. Not kidding. Still don’t understand how it happened. And I’m really happy it did. I just really don’t think my personal business has to be their business and the personal business of someone they never have met definitely shouldn’t be their business and I am not in the fucking mood to explain 7 years of both my personal business AND his personal business. I don’t want 4 days of girl talk with this unbearable woman and my grandfather making fun of me like I’m a horny lovestruck irrational teenager. No thank you. It’s not cute, it’s DEMEANING.

But awkwardness ensues.

So of course C feels very bad and I’m like dude it’s ok tbh you’re not the reason I was keeping this quiet

L is making fanfare and I’m saying we have much more interesting things to talk about and he’s dismissing my obvious pleas to FUCKING DROP IT and calling G in and she’s over the top excited and they’re asking for a lot of details I don’t want to give. You are not my gal pal. I haven’t even told my gal pals about this yet. And I’m trying to calm the situation by saying “This was sudden, but not unexpected. It’s been 7 years coming and was ultimately very anticlimactic. Nothing big or grand. Nothing dramatic” And they’re not believing me and demanding more than the overwhelming surplus I have already given them. And I’m just saying “I don’t want to talk about this” on a loop, but they’re not listening. And I’m starting to shake, but I’m also about to fucking MURDER someone. And C’s just sitting there mortified because she mixed up something she heard about someone else and coincidentally it’s opened up a whole can of worms. And I’m about 3 seconds from going ape shit right in the formal dining room all because of an honest mistake.

So now I’m going back and forth between comforting C, who is trying desperately and failing to get the situation under control, and telling everyone to shut up.

Then my mom, bless her, stops everyone, and says everything I’ve been saying, but the difference is, she’s not a “WoRkEd Up YoUnG aDuLt” so they actually listen to her.

She tells them it’s very recent and we’ve been not making a big deal about it because it’s very recent (I specify it was literally yesterday) and I still haven’t completely processed it, so if they would LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE, it would be greatly appreciated.

G doesn’t relent, but a few nasty glances drives her back to the kitchen.

L decides he’s going to give me some advice.

Said advice assumed this was a NEW THING and my FIRST TIME CONSIDERING SOMEONE ELSE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

All I’m gonna say about that is it’s not a crush when you’ve exchanged “I love you”s multiple times

But we all know about what assuming does to both you and me, right?

And I’m also gonna say it was especially funny/slightly rude because this event doesn’t actually change behavior. It’s just us agreeing that we’re already honoring an unspoken commitment so we should just make it spoken.

But yeah, lecture me on how loving someone will change my life when I asked not to talk about it. Or you could tell me something I don’t know.

So I calm down and stop shaking and think it’s finally over

Nope

They’re trying to mess with me about him.

Again, not a horny teenager rushing into anything.

I just wanted to ask if they’d participate in some shenanigans regarding one fo my students and I said “I actually have a question for all of you”

And L grabbed my should and said “Yes, W can come to Christmas!”

First of all, he has his own Christmas plans.

Second of all, I SAID WE WEREN’T TALKING ABOUT THIS!

Third of all, I’m not coming here for Christmas

And finally, AFTER YOUR BEHAVIOR TONIGHT, YOU REALLY THINK I’M LETTING HIM ANYWHERE NEAR YOU GUYS?! 

I’ll tell y'all what happens if they find out I am close with his family. 

[memescomicswriting]

In the Pursuit of Happiness Ch. 4

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Reader x Bucky, Reader x Steve

Warnings/genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Singer!Avenger. Raised by Sheild since the age of ten, Y/N grew up without everyday examples. She only saw how to be an agent. Though, as a grown woman she has surpassed that mindset, she still faces challenges from her upbringing- like how to handle feelings, unrequited love, and interpersonal dilemmas. Set after similar plot points in Civil War, Y/N must face returning home after leaving during an uncomfortable time in her life and face the consequences.

A/N: This is my first series in the Marvel fandom. I hope you enjoy it. I always welcome and encourage feedback. It is appreciated. My asks, requests, and messages are all open. This story does not follow the traditional Marvel timeline. I mess with it to make the story work, so roll with me.

Story Masterlist

---

The party drifted into a mess of intoxicated heroes making fools of themselves. Steve was not one among them. You hoped he would keep his promise and save some time for you before the night was over. You moved your way to his room. After several knocks and calling out for him, you gave up on trying. He was either out, or he didn't want to talk to you. You walked back, across the hall to your apartment. Slowly, you opened Peter's door to check on him. He was fast asleep under the covers. "Love you, brother." You whispered lowly so not to disturb him. You closed his door silently and made your way across the apartment to your room. You needed a long and relaxing bath then a good nights sleep. Instead, you opened your door to find Steve sitting on the edge of your bed with his head in his hands, bent over in a tired stupor. 

"Steve." You sigh and place your phone on the table by the door. He looks up through his hands. Now they are folded and under his chin. You can see the hurt and worry stricken across his face. His eyes were red and glassy. You instantly knew he was holding back tears. "Oh, Steve." You sank yo your knees in front of him, between his legs, and you grasped his clutched hands. After giving them a reassuring squeeze you slowly glided your hands to cup his face. Your eyes held his for a moment. Concern poured out from you as well as love and reassurance. In a swift and sudden motion, he swept you up and into his arms. His face was buried in the croak of his neck. His arms were wrapped around your waist and you sat across his lap, legs crossed to support his elbow. You wrapped your arms around his neck and weaved your fingers into his hair. You were tracing patterns into his scalp and whispered sweet nothings to calm him down. "I'm sorry." Steve finally uttered as he gently pulled away to look up at you. "I didn't plan on springing myself upon you, but it's been so hard lately. With work nonstop, Sokoviam, helping Bucky..." "Stop," You cut him off. "There's no need to apologize for needing companionship." You took his chin and tilted it up. You wanted his full attention. "Do you understand me?" Steve nodded hastily. He then picked you up once more and placed you back down next to him. However, he kept hold of your hand. His large and manly fingers intertwined with your slender and small but strong digits. You looked from the action to Steve. You had held hands before; always platonically. This was different and you could see it in his eyes. "It's just those three months without you wore on me, and thinking that I ruined everything between us wore me down." His eyes bore into yours with pleading. His need for reassurance was obvious. "Nothing could ruin the bond we share Steve." You swept some of the hair out of his eyes. There was a 'but' lingering in the air. It was felt on both ends. "You left for three months after-" He began but you cut him off. "I went on a mission requiring my specific skill set, personally requested by Furry." You pinched your eyes together and rolled your lips off of one another. Your head hung low. "It came at an awkward time, but I never ran from you, Steve. No matter what happens, I will never leave you. But the time, it helped me begin to think things over..." Steve perked up at that. You felt it with your eyes still closed. You turned back to him and the hope radiated out of him. You couldn't help to release all of the air in your lungs. Now you were the one with tears watering in your eyes. "You still don't know...or you know and you don't feel the same way." Steve summarized with grief in his voice. "It's that I don't know. Steve, I don't know how to be what you need and deserve. You should have the world and I can only give you me." Bucky's previous words rang through you. "Sure, I've been with people before, but not in the way you want. I have no examples to guide me. I lacked that growing up. I don't want to hurt you." "Suga'" He plead with you, searching your eyes to meet his again. "I don't want the world, especially a world where you think you're not enough for me. All I want is you." He wiped a tear from your cheek and directed you to look at him. "I know this is uncharted territory for you, but I'll work through it with you. I'm here for the long run, good and bad, and all that lies in between." Your lips parted as you gazed up in wonder through your soaked lashes. "The problem with uncharted territory is that you never know what you'll find there." Your cheeks rose in pain. "What if I hurt you? What if it all goes wrong? Steve, I can't have that..." "I said good and bad. I mean it Y/N. If I need to experience some pain to find my happiness in the end, I'm willing to take it." He was cradling your face. The roles reverse. He was now the one with stern reassurance. You tugged your lips between your teeth in contemplation. Steve was willing to accept the risk and you couldn't hold him back from his decisions. So many what-ifs lied ahead of you. What if you couldn't love Steve in the way he loved you? You noticed his eyes had drifted away from yours to your lips. He was watching as you suckled on them. But what if you didn't at least try? You did something bold. You moved out of your seated positions. You watched as Steve pulled away, disappointment momentarily clouding him. He had to be thinking he'd pushed you away again. That changed when you settled into your new position straddling his lap. In shock, all the oxygen left him. Your hands ran up his clothed chest to his shoulders. Then you soared forward. You kissed him. You kissed him hard. It caught him off guard and he fell back a little but you kept him sturdy. His hands grasped your waist, hoisting you so your chest was pressing against his. Chests heaved together, hands tightened, and you both were in a mangle of lips. Steve kissed you back with more passion and heat. You were surprised. It was pleasant. Any kiss you'd experienced close to this was filled with lust. This kiss was filled with love, you knew it even if you never experienced it. This kiss was so much better than the first. Steve had placed a hasty and nervous kiss to your lips. All the signs were there, but it was so unexpected. You were so out of your element and startled. That, followed by his confession caused all this mess. This kiss, however, was on your terms. You initiated it and you were in control. You enjoyed it. You enjoyed the way that his scent was so intense like this. You enjoyed how soft and pleasant you found his lips. You enjoyed him. Steve suddenly and sharply pulled away. The separation of your lips made a loud pop which filled the air long after you parted. "I want to do this right." He spoke with what little breath he had. "I wanted to take you out, whoo you, spoil you before we got anywhere close to this." You, however, had plenty of breath. "And what would 'this' mean?" "Making out, this intense, anywhere near a bed." It was an earnest and honest answer. You hadn't thought of going down that road yet, but you appreciated his effort to keep things from getting too physical too fast. You rolled your eyes with a smile plastered across your lips. You went to get up but he pulled you back into place. "Say you'll go out with me tomorrow." "Steve..." You whined. "I just got back..." He kissed you. It wasn't too long or anywhere near as intense as the previous one. "Say you will." "I don't know what will be waiting on me in the morning. Briefings, reports, updates.." You protested but you were cut off with another kiss. "Say you will." He repeated himself. There was a determination in his eyes. There would be no easy way out of this. "Fine." You huffed in mock annoyance. "Can I get up now?" "Not yet." He pulled you in for his last kiss. It was sweet and lingering just like his cologne. After he let go of you and you got up. You took off your shoes next to him. Then you placed them in your closet. You went to your dresser and fished out a pair of pajamas. You placed them on the bed, about to go on a search for undergarments when he spoke. "I should go, let you have some privacy." His cheeks sported a pink flush. Did he think you were about to change in front of him? "Nonsense." You chastized the idea. Then you found appropriate undergarments for your pajamas. "I've been gone for so long and we need to catch up. We've shared a bed before without any funny business happening. We can do it again." He nodded astutely in agreement. "Okay. I'll just head back for a quick change then join you." You nodded to his plan and headed to your bathroom to change and prepare yourself for bed. *** Steve all but skipped across the hall in elation. He was so damn in love with  Y/N, and she was giving him the chance to show her how right they were together. She had kissed him. She agreed to go out with him. After three months of sleepless nights and anxiety-filled days, she came back to him. Dashing around his room, he didn't care how loud he was. He'd apologize to Bucky tomorrow. He wanted to be in and out and back to Y/N. Diving through his dresser drawers, he searched for his best pair of clean pajamas. He wanted to look his best even if she'd seen him at his worst. "Hey, Steve?" It was Bucky calling from the other side of the door. His voice was gruff but not hoarse from sleeping. He hadn't woken him. He was waiting up for Steve. "What do you need pal?" Whatever it was, he'd do it, but he'd want to do it quick. Bucky settled in the doorway. He leaned against the frame, making himself comfortable. "I wanted to talk to you about Y/N." Y/N's name caught his attention. "Oh? She's great and I'm glad you met her, but what about Y/N?" He stopped shuffling through his drawers to give his friend his attention. "She's a great gal. She's got that something about her, Moxy, that I haven't encountered since before the War. Even then it was rare. I can see why you're so smitten." Feeling secure in his friend's compliments, Steve continued preparing for the evening. He stepped into his bathroom to complete his nightly routine. Bucky continued, in place. "I can see that she cares for you, a lot. She loves you Steve, but I don't think she loves you or will love you in the way you love her." Steve froze in the middle of brushing his teeth. He was paralyzed by confusion and the beginning of hurt. He spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth, trying not to break anything at the same time. "What're you saying, pal?" It was pointed. Maybe a bit over the top, but that's what he was feeling. Bucky began to explain. "She and I talked..." "Did you now?" Steve cut him off. The pit of emotions in his stomach began to swell. "Yeah, we did; about twenty minutes after you rudely disappeared on her." Bucky's voice became stern. Steve needed to drop the attitude and here this for his own sake. In return, Steve settles a bit. "Look, she asked for my advice and I told her to speak honestly with you, but I know you, Steve. She's been your friend for years, but I'm your brother, and I know you." Bucky narrowed his eyes to Steve. He needed to hear this, and though Steve made a move to interrupt him, the pressure of his eyes Steve halt. "She told me how she felt. She knows how to love you now, as your friend, but she doesn't know if she can love you in that way. Now I'm not the expert in woman anymore, but I still understand that when a woman has feelings for you, she makes them damn clear. If she doesn't know after three months, she won't ever feel that way. Try if you think I'm wrong, but don't persist her into a decision that isn't her own." Steve wanted to slug him. He would never, not for this, but he wanted to. At that moment he hated him, hated that Bucky got Y/N to open up instantly when it took Steve months, and he even hated himself for bringing Bucky back from Wakanda. Bucky knew the old Steve swell, and he knew him now, but to insinuate Steve would pursue Y/N into a hasty decision? No, he would never. But didn't he? Y/N would do anything to make Steve happy, especially if he appeared hurt. He cried in her arms, told her truths, but he insistently told them. Did he push her? She was hesitant, and Steve knew she'd sacrifice herself to keep him happy. She had before. A sudden chill took over his heart. He felt like that sick kid from Brooklyn all over again. She didn't have feelings for him, but pushed herself to create some- for Steve, for his happiness. But all he wanted was to see Y/N happy. Steve fell back onto his bed defeated. "What can I do Buck?" He whispered in disbelief. "I think I already forced her hand." Bucky sighed. He hated Steve looking so small. He regretted bringing this up, only to increase Steve's pain. He never wanted that. Tentatively, Bucky sat down next to him. He patted Steves back in soft but reassuring taps. "It'll be okay bud. Whatever happened, whatever you did, just work towards fixing it." It was odd for Bucky. Usually, Steve was the one giving advice. Yet, it felt oddly familiar. He used to be the one helping Steve. It was odd but familiar. Steve huffed out. "I have a date with her tomorrow." It was a rough croak from a distraught voice. "Then go!" Bucky quickly assured his friend. "Being wrong isn't anything new to me, but try to get a read on how she feels. This could work." "Bucky..." Steve was breaking. "but if it doesn't, I don't think I can stay here. I can't be here with her after this, feeling the way I do. I couldn't get over her here." Bucky accepted that with sad understanding. "I'm here with you Steve. I'm here with you till the end of the line." *** Fifteen minutes after Steve left, your nerves kicked up. You thought he'd take five minutes or less with how eager he was. After twenty minutes you convinced yourself something was afoot. At thirty, you exited your apartment to check on him. Quietly, you slipped out the front door and crossed the short distance to Steve's door. About to knock, you heard the low whispers of two male voices and distant whimpers. Steve never intended to leave you hanging, he was caught up with Bucky. You convinced yourself Bucky had another nightmare, and Steve, the good friend he is, stayed to help Bucky through it. A small smile crept over your lips. Steve was the best of men. Feeling satisfied with you discover, you silently made your way back across the hall and into your bed. You'd sleep better than you expected.

---

A/N: Chapter 4! Share your thoughts! Reblog if you enjoyed it! What do you think of Steve and Y/N? Does she like? Does she not? Did Bucky screw everything up or potentially save it? Should Y/N have knocked? Comment your opinion below. 

[kiruuuuu]

Fuze/Wolf oneshot in which Wolf can’t sleep and Fuze assists. (Rating G/T, emotional hurt/comfort + fluff, ~2.7k words) - written for @viral-marketer​!! ♥♥ Thank you for the commission and I’m very happy you enjoyed this piece :) I’ll link more information on Wolf as soon as it’s available, and you can find my commission info here!

.

Sudden panic makes Wolf’s stomach drop. It’s as if she’s lost a limb, like the time a firecracker exploded in her hand because she didn’t realise the fuse actually took to the pitiful flame from her dying lighter and she couldn’t feel her fingers for ten minutes, like getting up too fast and almost blacking out. Like the time -

There’s no necessity to finish that thought, the memory burns white hot in her mind as it is, every time they’re on a mission, every time she shrinks away from a loud, unexpected noise, every time it happens with Boomer out of her sight. Just like now.

Her weapon falls to the ground with a clatter she barely hears as she dives head first into rubble, hitting her elbows on collapsed pieces of concrete, attempting to push past the debris, force her way through the entryway which is no more after part of the abandoned building collapsed to block it completely, trapping Wolf on this side and -

And Boomer on the other.

There are voices she doesn’t acknowledge, a hand on her upper arm she shakes off violently, and by now she’s drenched in sweat, frantic and desperate, claws at the obstacle hard enough to break a nail or two even through the gloves, hardly noticing the pain over the screeching in her head – it’s her own voice screaming at her, telling her she’s too late, she’s not going to make it, and it only ceases once an iron grip yanks her back, a tall figure towering over her and regarding her with concern.

“It’s alright, Grays”, Montagne informs her quietly yet doesn’t let her arm go, probably recognises the deafening static in her head, louder than the radio chatter, louder even than the pounding staccato of her heart. “Tina got him. Calm down.”

A myriad of questions pop up simultaneously but she gives the mountain of a man the benefit of the doubt, listens to comms for a moment and finds his words confirmed: the operators on the other side of the building sound carefree, relieved, someone mentions excited tail wagging and yes, Montagne speaks the truth. They just finished their mission successfully, the explosion separating her and Boomer marking the tail end of the fight.

Slowly, reality creeps back in, makes her feel the ground under her feet keenly as if it was something she’d been missing for the last week. Her breath evens out after a few deep inhales and eventually, Montagne lets her go with a reassuring nod, after which she looks around the room to gather her bearings. The sideglances she earns make her face flush and shame pool in her stomach – she must’ve been obvious in her panic, possibly pathetic in her flailing, certainly not behaving like a professional at all, but the noise and not being able to see her dog and the memories -

“Don’t worry about it, happens to all of us.” Montagne’s soothing baritone is doing wonders for her nerves. “You did well regardless.”

And the way he pats her shoulder stays with her until they’ve left the building, a reminder that people place their trust in her and she hasn’t let them down, a gesture she appreciates fiercely. She was focused when it counted, certainly assisting the organised assault, with Boomer even saving Blackbeard’s life at some point with his quick reflexes and instant reaction to her monosyllabic command. She did well indeed.

But she finds no rest until she spots Fuze, him of all people, carrying the energetic bundle of joy in his arms and struggling to hold on as Boomer tries to flail out of his grasp, eventually succeeding and rushing over to Wolf’s side for much-deserved ear scratches and praise.

“Your stupid mutt almost jumped out of the window when he saw you”, the Uzbek grumbles. It’s very clearly an invitation, a familiar song and dance they perform regularly, usually centred around Boomer – it started when Fuze first met her, not an hour after she arrived in Hereford, his first words being: I don’t like dogs. He might’ve claimed so but showcased very obviously that he does like bickering with a tiny American woman and thus Boomer has become a fantastic conversation starter between the two of them, with Fuze complaining about perfectly normal dog behaviour and Wolf enlightening him on this fact, and it usually ends in pancake recipes or the correct way to hide a body.

Normally, Wolf would gladly accept this invitation, but with her thoughts still in disarray, pulse too quick and fingers shaking, all she does is hug her dog and bury her face in his fur, seeking solace as well as support. He’s alive. He’s well. He made it.

It’s the mantra she repeats to herself all the way back to base.

.

That evening, she tidies up her kitchen. Not that it was necessary, not really, but taking out all the glassware and ceramics, lining them up on the counter and her table only to put them back in different places as if they were playing musical chairs soothes her, oddly enough. Cleaning isn’t a chore she enjoys and yet she dusts all the shelves, mops her entire flat and eventually catches herself eyeing the furniture in her bedroom, wondering whether she could rearrange it somehow to give it a new look and, most importantly, a new feel.

This is when she understands what she’s doing.

It doesn’t stop her, or else she wouldn’t choose to cook for herself after a day as stressful and exhausting like the one she had, and definitely not a recipe which requires her to chop a ridiculous amount of vegetables. She keeps herself busy. Not only that, she carries her phone around with her and makes it blare her favourite music, upbeat melodies accompanying the sizzling in the pan and tricking her into singing or humming along. When she eats, she does so in front of the TV, Boomer curled up next to her on the couch and doing what she’s desperately trying to avoid: sleeping.

Eyelids heavy, she forces herself to follow a generic action film, then another, playing around on her phone in the meantime, the stimulation keeping her distracted up to the point where she nearly dozes off despite the noise and flickering lights.

She’s scared, she realises belatedly. But she knows one person who can help.

Sometimes, Fuze can’t sleep either, though his condition sounds less like self-imposed insomnia and more like something out of his control, and maybe, just maybe, today is one of those days. Thumb hovering over the screen, she hesitates, mulls her decision over but eventually presses down, trepidation settling in her chest. She neither wants to be a bother nor come off as needy, but Fuze has never objected to her random messages, never once voiced any protest about early morning photos of sunrises or useless trivia she found online and, as she’s come to understand, lack of protest implies approval – at least with the Uzbek.

Communicating with him has been… strenuous at times. Anxiety and taciturnity usually don’t mix well and in the beginning, Fuze’s unflappable demeanour intimidated her immensely, but something pulled her towards the quiet man nonetheless, convinced her to keep trying. Being part of his friend group was the first step, allowing her to hover in his vicinity and direct questions at him now and then, though his monosyllabic replies briefly demotivated her. Glaz came to her rescue, however, by pointing out Fuze rarely even acknowledges others, let alone offer to do favours. And Wolf looked down at the phone Fuze voluntarily fixed after she’d dropped it the previous week; he didn’t require any prompting, merely overheard her mention it to Kapkan (who’d been enthusiastically petting Boomer, it seems the Russian really appreciates other hunters) and wordlessly held out his hand.

Over time, she’s come to realise that the silences between them are of a comfortable quality and the longer she watches him, the better she understands. Whenever anyone sits in his vicinity who’s too loud or whom he doesn’t like, he changes seats. If someone attempts to rope him into a conversation while he’s working, he lets them know not to bother him. His bluntness, too, was daunting – what if she incurred his ire herself? But despite her regularly barging in to ask him something while his clever fingers are tinkering away, he never turns her down, never once rebuked her.

And this is why she messages him, a simple: do you know the earliest man-made sonic boom?

She knows he enjoys fun facts like this, especially when it’s one he can figure out by himself. After pressing send, she stupidly waits and stares at the indicator telling her whether he’s received and read her question for entirely too long before deciding to relocate. Maybe she could go for a walk with Boomer, yet when she gets up and stretches her aching limbs, remnants of the bomb disposal mission they completed much too early in the day for her comfort, the animal by her side makes no move to follow her. Compassionate, dark eyes glance at her in defiance and Boomer makes himself as heavy as possible when she tries to pick him up. It’s his way of telling her it’s long past her usual bed time.

A small buzz catches her attention and she wakes up her phone to check Fuze’s answer, a simple, sincere: Let me think.

Wolf feels her lips stretch, her chest lighten, her restlessness diminish just knowing that he’s up, that he’s definitely thinking of her, holding his device in his steady fingers and pondering her prompt earnestly because it’s what he does. He’s always taken her seriously, it’s one of his traits she appreciates the most – not only is he honest, he also humours her whenever possible.

Spontaneously changing her plans, she gets ready for bed instead of forcing herself to stay up, going through her routine with a spring in her step and excitedly glancing at her phone repeatedly. It wouldn’t be the first time for her to text Fuze until she dozed off with it in her hand and more often than not, her sleep ended up uninterrupted as a result. She suddenly looks forward to diving under her covers and once she does, Boomer trots over now that the threat of her dragging him outside has vanished.

When instead of a soft vibration, the beginning chords of Rasputin begin to play (and whenever she hears it, she remembers Fuze’s adorable blush and mock indignation when she informed him of his new personalised ring tone), she jumps but accepts the call while snuggling deeper under her blankets.

“It’s a whip crack”, Fuze’s calm voice speaks into her ear, sparking a comfortable shudder running down her spine. “Isn’t it?”

“Did you look it up?” She knows he didn’t. He might be prideful but not arrogant, feels no need to appear smarter before her than he is.

“No. But it’s too loud and produces sound even in the air, so it’s not the end hitting the ground which causes the noise.”

“You’re right that it’s a sonic boom, but it’s not the earliest.”

She can almost hear his vague frustration and suppresses a giggle when she’s met with silence for a minute while he clearly racks his brain for the actual answer. There’s defeat underlining his words when he finally admits: “I give up. I don’t know.”

“It’s part of Glaz’ breakfast”, she hints and buries one of her hands in Boomer’s soft fur.

Another minute of silence. “Cornflakes?”

“Yes! Crunchy food breaks faster than the speed of sound. So if he ever chews again with his mouth open, tell him to turn down his sonic booms.”

Fuze snorts, audibly amused. “Tell that to your mutt. Sounds like he lives up to his name whenever he chomps on his dry food.”

They chat a little more, inconsequential and idle banter but Wolf eventually realises she hasn’t been this relaxed all day, never allowed her thoughts to wander for fear of where they’d land. But like this, surrounded by the safety of her home, listening to the even breaths of her dog and Fuze’s dry humour, it’s hard to imagine a world not filled with bliss and tranquillity.

“You should sleep, Grayson. It’s late enough”, Fuze reminds her after a lull in conversation.

“And what about you?”

“I’ll sleep too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait”, she cuts in before he can end the call. Getting used to his direct style of communication was a process and she had to witness Fuze hanging up on people mid-sentence if he deemed their talk finished before realising that he extended her every courtesy in their calls. Words tingle on her tongue and uncertainty paralyses her momentarily but she’d somehow feel dishonest if she kept quiet about this. “I – had a flashback. Earlier today. Almost a panic attack. Did you hear -”

“Yes”, comes the instant reply and it’s obvious he’s been waiting for her to mention it – he wouldn’t done so himself, wouldn’t have wanted to make her feel weak. “Are you alright now?” She makes a soft affirmative noise and glances over at Boomer whose twitching paws indicate that he’s dreaming. “I’m worried.”

The admission makes her heart skip a beat, even though he’s probably referring to her work. Has to be. “Don’t be, I’ll get the job done no matter what.”

“I’m not worried about that, I know you’d never let any of us down.” The way he dismisses the implication of her potentially failing any of her colleagues causes pride and affection to bloom in her chest. There’s no room for doubt in his statement and she’s immensely grateful for the faith he places in her. “I’m worried about you. You can’t save everyone, you know. And you can’t let this fact weigh you down. I know you’re used to getting overlooked but you’re damn good at what you do – don’t let your past rule over your future. You might miss out on opportunities along the way.”

She knows what he’s referring to. After a long day, they sat alone in the workshop, Fuze’s project forgotten on the table between them, atmosphere serene and facilitating honesty – she admitted to being afraid of getting close to anyone in Rainbow. She talked about Nitro, about the helplessness she felt upon having to watch him die, and about the random visions of anyone she liked getting killed on a mission. About how she tries not to let this influence her behaviour; she still seeks people out, opens up to them, listens raptly. But the underlying fear is always there.

“Yeah”, she agrees quietly. “I’ll try.” It’s all she can promise him.

.

The next day is of a comfortingly different quality, allowing for genuine laughs, and is much more lenient with someone who only caught a few hours of sleep. She does chuckle at Fuze’s bleary face when they see each other for the first time, but it gets stuck in her throat when he wordlessly pulls her into a hug out of the blue. The embrace doesn’t last long but coming from him, it leaves her reeling nonetheless, unfocused for the first few hours and… dreamy. The feeling of his arms around her never really goes away.

At some point, Glaz joins her, notices her dazed expression and asks: “Bad sleep?” Following her tired nod, he adds: “I figured. I heard Shuhrat’s phone go off last night.”

“Oh, did he forget to mute it?”

The Russian sends her an odd look. “He never puts it on silence when he sleeps, in fact I think he even turns up the volume. And you’re the only one who messages him in the middle of the night. Otherwise he’d sleep like a baby.”

And oh. That’s -

It’s impossible, there have been so many nights which they texted away, yet she neglected to ask for details on his alleged insomnia, and this means -

She completely misses whatever it is he tells her next, merely nods along as her thoughts are going haywire until she eventually rudely interrupts him: “Sorry, I gotta go.” And as she gets up and hurries over to where she suspects the Uzbek to be, she remembers Fuze’s words from the night before.

He’s not an opportunity she’d ever forgive herself for missing out on.

[fraughtwithpossibilities]

what do you want to do now?

I was cliff jumping on the coast of France in May when I cut myself in the side of the nose with my thumbnail. I was holding it tightly to keep from inhaling the Mediterranean Sea, and the force of hitting the water made me break my own skin.

I was hurtling my body through the air between sharp rocks, but I hurt myself with my own nail.

It was a metaphor for the weeks leading up to that moment; weeks spent traveling in Europe that were trying to be bohemian. Trying, because I don’t do bohemian. I do train schedules. I do deadlines. I do plans. Before I can fall asleep every night, I schedule out the next day, everything that has to happen and when I’m going to do it. I clench my fists so hard around the parts of my world I can control that sometimes I hurt myself.

The first time we took the train on this trip, I didn’t fill out the eurail pass right. It was confusing and I wasn’t really sure how it worked and I figured as long as I had the piece of paper it was probably fine. The man checking the tickets woke me up from a doze and spent five minutes scolding me for not using it correctly, standing over me while I fumbled a pen out of my bag and scribbled dates and train stations on the ticket, lecturing me about how it was invalid if I didn’t fill it out. He walked away and I leaned my forehead against the window and cried. I planned so hard. I tried to anticipate everything. But all it took was a stranger in a bad mood to make me feel like a lazy idiot. I cared so much about following the rules that learning I had broken one was crushing.

I’ve also been known to walk away from cafes and restaurants if I didn’t know how to read the menu or what to order. The idea of looking stupid, being seen as a stupid tourist, enduring the mild contempt of someone more adept than me, is too much. I feel too exposed. (I don’t know if I will ever be the sort of person who eagerly seeks honest criticism from friends because I can’t seem to take it even from people I will never see again.)

I’m afraid to order food, to blunder through a conversation with a non-English speaker. But when people at the hostels where we stayed asked what I do for a living, I said “I just finished law school” and they said “oh, you’re a lawyer?” and I didn’t feel like explaining what an articling student is so I just said yes. Yes, basically. I am a grown-ass professional who’s scared to order food in case she looks stupid.

My sister asked me when the anxiety got so bad. I told her that the best guess I have is that it got bad when I told myself fear was irrational and it turned out not to be. When the bad things I was scared of came true. I told her it got bad when I lost the ability to tell between healthy fear and pointless paranoia. When the pillars that held up my life—faith, family, friendship, romance—all shifted or cracked or collapsed in ways I’d told myself they never would. All in the same 12 months, each loss like another punch to the gut as I tried to write papers about the criteria for refugee status or research the number of human rights complaints based on race discrimination. The anxiety got bad when the world warped so that every passing blip of far-fetched, ugly possibility, every remote danger, started to seem likely and probable. It got bad because I lost the conviction that good things are more likely to happen than bad ones. It got bad when I started to worry that every scowl disguised rage, every neutral expression barely concealed contempt, and I had no reason to think I was wrong. After all, I was doubting whether the people who’d said they cared about me the most ever had or now did, so why would I have assumed that strangers harboured goodwill toward me?

During the worst times, moments of unexpected fortune or kindness took me out at the knees. During the worst times, I answered a phone call and it was a dream job offer and I collapsed in tears on the kitchen floor. Once it was so bad that the four walls of a bare new apartment bedroom felt suffocating and I stumbled out the door and clung by my fingernails to a bar counter and ate sweet potato fries and drank beer until my thoughts were just muddled enough that they had fewer sharp edges. Once I sat on the grass outside the law school and heaved, shaking with fear and confusion. During those episodes, the kindness of people who talked me through it made me tear up. Who? Why? What have I ever done that anyone would bother telling me patiently to breathe, would say to me earnestly to call if I ever need to talk? It seemed absurd—why would anything be there to catch me if I fell?

We spent our last day in France on the beach in Nice. I waded out into the ocean, cautiously, up to my shoulders, just past where I could touch, then rolled onto my back and floated. I’m not a strong swimmer; usually I would rather dip a toe in and retreat. But my ears were under the surface and the only sound was tiny rocks hitting against each other on the ocean floor as the waves crashed in and rolled out. I paddled a little, and then less, and then let my limbs go limp, cradled in the swell of the Mediterranean and floating, held up by salt water. Held up, surprisingly, instead of falling; a leaf on the surface, not a rock.  I wondered, then, if I could still recalibrate myself: if it was still possible to go back to waking up in the morning expecting good things. 

I expected to arrive back home and meet the world with fists clenched even tighter. But instead, I watched myself shrug it all off and get lighter. I had turned off notifications on my phone while we were in Europe, ad I kept them off. The lack of homework stress, something I hadn’t felt for three years, was like shedding a fifty-pound backpack. I started a new job, the kind of job that makes you look forward to waking up in the morning. I got to relearn what it was like to have enough time to spend some of it empty--to spend some of it wandering along the river with a coffee, to listen to podcasts and color, to read. 

I spend some sunny Sunday mornings doing nothing in particular but drinking tea and eating toast, slowly. I say more nice things to myself. It’s like somewhere in Europe I picked up a kind shadow who lingers a step behind my frantic thoughts and occasionally says oh, honey, you don’t need to worry about that. It’s like somewhere along the line, I leveled up, and my access to reality came back. My ability to know my own mind returned. Now, when I’m frantically putting on and wiping off seven kinds of lipstick, I know it’s mostly my desire to be loved freaking out, and I put the makeup down and tell myself no one is going to change their mind about me based on magenta vs pumpkin. Now when I feel my heart rate increase and my breaths get shallow, I know the version of reality that’s swimming in front of me isn’t the right one, and I look for somewhere to sit down instead of speeding up to match the frantic pace of my thoughts.

I learned that the best way to dampen the panic inside my own head is to say, you feel very anxious right now, do you need a minute? so that the rest of me can breathe a long sigh and do the mental version of lie back into the Mediterranean. I know that the world isn’t actually falling apart. It’s just that I’m hungry or thirsty or my feet hurt or something someone said hurt a little or I saw myself in the mirror at the wrong angle or I just need to make a quick list. Lists will save us all. 

I remembered how to answer the question what do you want to do now? not by thinking--how can I be most productive, what sector of my own life can I invest in, what needs to be done first, what will I regret not doing later, help it’s been an hour and I’m paralyzed--but by reminding myself that there is no wrong answer, and that I am okay.

Last summer I was not okay. Last summer was a rusty, jerky, stomach-turning roller coaster, and I clenched my teeth and my fists the whole time. I got speeding tickets--I got fixated on being skinny--I began to slowly realize that my home didn’t feel like home and that my addiction to anonymity in coffee shops was more a fear of opening my own front door than a love for hot beverages. Last summer I couldn’t read or play the piano or watch Netflix because the seconds ticked by audibly in my head and the neon panic signs were always reminding me I was flawed, I wasn’t enough, I was too far behind. I was bad--a bad friend, a bad student, a bad employee, a bad example. I was always working to fix small problems that I perceived as life-threatening. Always crying that I forgot to buy lemon juice or I lost an earring back. Flinching when someone else glanced my direction. 

It was worst when I was briefly couch-surfing in October, between apartments, losing a friendship and a social circle and yet another sad silver-glass vision of what I thought I wanted life to look like. Even the silence was terrible, and I was so afraid that the rest of my life would hurt as much as each passing moment did. 

But now there are two IKEA chairs in my living room, and an exposed brick wall, and two big windows. I sit there with coffee in the mornings and marvel that improbably, surprisingly, life slowly got better. It helps to be loved. It helped when my sister wisely walked around in silence with me in a residential Venetian neighborhood for an hour and a half because she knew the anxiety wasn’t about her. It helped when a friend texted me on Christmas to tell me how glad she was to know me. The words “I’m sorry” and “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” helped too.

But the thing I’m most grateful for is that now when my instinct tells me “you’re a failure”, the nice summer sun shadow, the wiser version of me, wrinkles her nose and says “well, probably not.”

[elli-dawn-stories]

Voltage High- Chapter Four

Tagging: @lone-wolf155 @honeybeelily @yesscmlover12 @smile-smile-ichthys I hope you all don’t mind me tagging you. You seemed to be enjoying the story so I thought I’d go ahead and tag you. But this is chapter 4 so you will need to read 3 before this if you haven’t already.

___

The next morning. Kayla woke up with the rising sun. She still felt incredibly tired; she didn’t get as much sleep as she had wanted. Kayla hoped it wouldn’t affect her performance on her first day of class.

Kayla sat up in bed and stretched as she yawned. “I really should try getting a little more sleep…” But she knew it would be impossible. The fact she was even up so early was because she couldn’t sleep well.

Kayla decided she would get out of bed and go get something to drink. She had no idea if anyone else would be up at this time. Kayla looked at Sophia, “She is still out like a light.” She softly laughed. Kayla made sure to at least brush her hair before heading to the kitchen.

When she got there Hue was already in there along with Baba.

(Oh. There is people in here even this early.)

Kayla was surprised to see others at this hour but headed into the kitchen anyway and greeted both with a smile.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Hue asked and Kayla shook her head. “No. I guess it must my anxiety playing up.”

“You aren’t use to this kind of thing, huh?” Baba said with a bright smile. “For us this is natural since we come from wealthy families but all this would seem intimidating to you.”

That was one of the reasons Kayla was feeling nervous but she was also worried about the kinds of people she would meet at this new college. Going through high school she was bullied a lot and never had anyone to support her, so she couldn’t help but feel scared inside.

“Probably.” She smiled to cover her real worries. “This is such a prestigious college and I only got in by luck. I guess it is kind of intimidating.”

Suddenly Hue interrupted, looking like he remembered something. “Kayla. We worked out the meal schedule. I have a list right here.” Hue pulled out a piece of paper from his pants pocket and handed it to her.

“Hmm.” Kayla started to carefully read it. “Wait. I am already on breakfast today?” She didn’t think she would start so soon. “Hey… I am on this list three times.” Kayla glanced up at Hue with a pointed look.

Hue laughed and said, “We thought you should have the honor of cooking more often since you looked like you knew your way around a kitchen. Most of the men in this dorm don’t really have cooking experience so we hoped you could, I don’t know, save our stomachs.”

Hearing his reason Kayla couldn’t stay mad. Now she had to try hard to not laugh. “You are in luck. I cooked all the time back home. I will make sure we don’t all die from food poisoning.”

Hue was relieved to her that and thanked her. Even Baba was feeling relieved. But… Kayla looked at the list, “You have Sophia cooking dinner tonight. I didn’t know you all wanted to die so soon.”

Both Baba and Hue laughed at her comment but there was no denying the terror on their faces.

“The both of us, along with Jan, will be cooking alongside her for damage control. Hopefully we can save everyone’s taste buds…” Hue looked at his stomach and patted it, “And our stomachs.”

Kayla laughed and wished them the best. After all, Sophia was a real handful and both of them knew that. After talking for a bit Kayla got her glass of water and headed back to her room to prepare for the day ahead.

“By the way, cute pajamas.” Baba said before she left the kitchen.

“I was thinking the same. Very cute.” Hue added, smiling.

“Oh.. T-Thanks.” Kayla kept her face turned away as she stopped to thank them, her cheeks now completely flushed. Kayla felt giddy inside after receiving the unexpected compliment. She hoped no one would see her as she returned to her room.

(My face is so red right now… That was the first time a guy thought I was cute.) Kayla couldn’t stop smiling as she thought about it.

An hour had already passed since she first woke up. When Kayla returned to her room Sophia had already awoken.

“Kayla!” Sophia called to Kayla the moment she saw her return. “When I woke up you were missing. I was wondering where you had gone.” Sophia put on an unhappy face, “I started to think maybe you abandoned me,” then her face became happy again, “But you have returned!” Sophia ran up to Kayla and hugged her. “I knew you could never leave me.”

“Uhh… Phi… I can’t breathe.” Sophia had a shockingly powerful hold.

“Ah. Sorry sorry!” Sophia quickly let go and looked apologetic. “I always do this… I get so caught up in the moment and cause trouble. Please don’t be mad.” She bowed.

Kayla was shocked to see Sophia bowing in front of her and genuinely looking worried. “I’m not mad. Don’t worry about it. But please, watch that strength of yours. I swear you could break my ribs if you wanted.” Kayla awkwardly laughed, thinking how painful it would be if Sophia did accidently break her ribs…

“I will. Don’t you worry.” Sophia immediately sprang back up smiling. Kayla then remembered the note she was given and showed it to Sophia. “Oooh. I will be cooking tonight. Magnifique! I will make something that is to die for.” She squealed in excitement.

(Oh gods, please don’t let that statement be literal. Jan. Hue. Baba. Save me! Save everyone!) Kayla quietly prayed for everyone. Sophia remained completely oblivious to the terror on Kayla’s face.

“I need to go get ready now. I need to begin preparing breakfast.” Kayla said and headed to her wardrobe to get her school uniform.

“I get to taste Kayla’s cooking. Ooh. I can’t wait. It will be divine!” Sophia said, positively thrilled. She then returned to her side of the room to finish her preparations.

Kayla finished everything up and was about to head to the kitchen when she remembered something.

(I need to say goodbye to Fluffykins.)

As she thought of her stuff rabbit something came to mind. Every night she had always slept with Fluffykins but last night was the first night she slept alone… Kayla wondered if that was the reason she had such trouble sleeping.

(I really am still a child… I still need my stuffed toy to sleep.) Kayla sighed and shook her head, disappointed in herself.

“What is this? Are you hiding something?” A curious Sophia had wandered over to Kayla as she pat her stuffed bunny.

“What? No!” Kayla denied it so quickly that it only made her more suspicious.

“Hmm.” Sophia cocked her head, thinking of what she may be hiding in her bag. “I got it!” Sophia hit her hand as her face lit up.

Kayla jumped and froze, “You got what?!”

“You are hiding your beloved pet in there. They are forbidden in the dorms but don’t worry I won’t tell.”

(Huh? Er… I guess it is a pet? A stuffed one…)

“Sorry. Wrong.” Kayla shook her head and Sophia quickly deflated. “Oh. Then… I want to see!” She really didn’t know the meaning of personal space as she quickly stuck her hand in Kayla’s bag and pulled out the stuffed bunny.

“Huh? This is a stuffed toy.” Sophia said, looking surprised.

“Yeah… The fact I brought it with me was embarrassing. I had planned to hide it from you because I didn’t know what you would say.” Kayla said, feeling rather tense.

Sophia however just started to laugh. “This is so funny.”

“What? Are you laughing at me because you think I am a child?”

Sophia shook her head and handing the toy to Kayla she went to her bed. “See.” Sophia pulled out a stuffed cat from behind her pillow.

“Y-You have a stuffed toy as well?” That was something Kayla definitely was not expecting.

“She is called Jellybean.” Sophia said as she walked back up to Kayla.

“This is Fluffykins.” Kayla said as she pat the bunny’s head. “My older siblings gave him to me.”

Suddenly Sophia stopped walking and the smile on her face vanished. Kayla was shocked by the sudden change in Sophia. “Sophia?”

“Sorry. I just had a moment. Don’t worry about me.” She started to smile again.

(What was that? Something definitely was going on just then. What is Sophia hiding?)

Sophia showed her stuffed cat to Kayla but she never mentioned anything about it or where she got it while Kayla told her everything about her rabbit. Kayla got the feeling Sophia didn’t really want to talk about it but she could see her stuffed cat was something very important to her. _

Kayla hurried her way to the kitchen. The others must already be waiting.

“Sorry, I’m late.”

Just as she thought. Karno, Joshua and Ichthys were already there getting things ready.

“Good. Everyone is here.” Karno smiled at Kayla. “I have something I need to ask you all.” Karno said and everyone looked at him. “Who here has cooking experience?”

Ichthys and Joshua both glanced at each other then back at Karno. Ichthys had a broad grin on his face as he shrugged his shoulders. “Never cooked in my life but it can’t be that hard, right?”

“I have never cooked personally but I have seen Jan cook before.” Joshua said.

Karno stood still for a moment before facepalming, “Wonderful.” He was clearly perturbed. “Kayla, you know how to cook, right?” Karno looked at her like she was his last hope.

“Yep.” She nodded, “I cooked all the time back home.” It was one of Kayla’s favorite hobbies.

Karno sighed in relief and seemed to calm down a little. “Thank goodness. We may be able to make this work, after all.”

Karno suggested Ichthys and Joshua both watch him and Kayla closely and help out when needed. This way Karno and Kayla can show them the ropes and hopefully they will be able to cook without help in the future.

“Ichthys? What are you doing?” Kayla caught him trying to put chilli in the scrambled eggs.

“Nothing.” He quickly hid the bottle behind his back and smiled innocently.

“Mhmm. Then what are you hiding behind your back?” Kayla looked at him sharply, her gaze unwavering.

“What’s this?” Karno suddenly came up from behind and snatched the bottle from his hands.

“Hey!” Ichthys whined.

“Ichthys. We can’t have you causing trouble. We are supposed to be feeding the other students not killing them. As much as I love spicy food myself I won’t allow you to ruin breakfast.” Karno sternly spoke as he scolded him.

(It kinda feels like Karno and I are Ichthys parents. Wait. What am I thinking?!)

Kayla started going red at her crazy thoughts and in hurry went to find something to do in the kitchen so no one would ask why she was blushing.

There was eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes, toast; a whole range of food was prepared for breakfast.

“Thanks, Kayla. I couldn’t have done this without you.” Karno smiled. Kayla still felt shy being near him after her earlier errant thoughts. “Yes. It was fun.” She smiled, trying to hide how nervous she was.

Thankfully, Ichthys caused no more trouble after that. But maybe only because Karno had his eye on him the entire time. Joshua seemed to be progressing well and if he kept it up he may be more help in the kitchen in the near future.

With breakfast finally done everyone joined together in the dining room to eat.

“Wow. It all looks delicious.” Dui said happily.

“Good work guys. I hope it wasn’t too hard to prepare.” Hue said.

Both Karno and Kayla both simply laughed as they thought of the mischief Ichthys tried to create and how two of the students assigned didn’t even know how to cook.

“Nope. It wasn’t hard at all.” Both Kayla and Karno said in unison, smiling.

Hue thought it was a little strange but didn’t question it.

“Oh la la. I finally get to eat Kayla’s cooking! Mmm, It smells sooo good.” Sophia couldn’t wait to start eating and piled some of everything onto her plate. She sure had a mean appetite on her.

(Wow. How is she so slender when she can eat just as much as a man? Now that’s a girl who loves her food.) Though Kayla knew how she felt, she was very much a food lover herself. Maybe that was why she loved cooking so much.

“Thanks for the food.” Eisuke said to Kayla, he sat further down the table this time.

Kayla was stunned by his sudden gratitude and wasn’t sure what to say and instead only mumbled a soft “You’re welcome.” as her cheeks became a little flushed.

“You and Karno work well together.” It was Wilfred who spoke this time. He happened to be the one sitting next to Kayla.

“You think so?” Kayla asked and Wilfred nodded. “I was watching you cook.”

“Y-You were?” Kayla started to fret as she knew he must have seen her and Karno scold Ichthys. “You still managed to make all this food and in such short time despite the other two not knowing their way around a kitchen. That takes real teamwork.” Wilfred smiled, impressed. “I very much look forward to cooking with you in a few days. I hope we too will have similar teamwork.”

Kayla was surprised to hear him say that. It made her feel happy.

(Teamwork? I didn’t think that. Hehe, I guess Karno and I were pretty awesome.)

Kayla smiled brightly, “I look forward to cooking with you too.”

“And maybe we can grow even closer over time…” Wilfred mumbled to himself and went back to eating.

(What did he just say? I couldn’t quite make it out…) Kayla couldn’t stop thinking about what he said during the rest of breakfast. She wish she had listened better to his last words. But there was no time to worry about that now, it was time to get to class.

Sophia and Kayla headed to the main building together. Kayla noticed along the way, people kept giving her strange looks but so far no one had made the move to approach her and instead they kept their distance, at least for now.

The main building where all the classes was held. It would be no exaggeration to say it was not only huge but very extravagant. It’s appearance was definitely worthy of it’s reputation.

(Wow. This place is amazing. I feel so out of place.) Though Kayla wore the same uniforms as everyone else she could see how much more refined everyone else was. She already felt it back at the dorm but that was only twenty one other students, now there is thousands. It was much more intimidating.

“It looks easy to get lost in here.” Kayla said, starting to get worried after she had only got lost the day before.

“Don’t worry. I know my way around like the back of my hand. Stick with me and you’ll have no fear.” Sophia smiled reassuringly.

(Huh? Isn’t this her first year here? How does she know the place so well…?)

As Kayla thought that Sophia suddenly gasped.

“What is it?” Kayla asked and Sophia jumped and put her hands on Kayla’s shoulders as she looked at her face. “Don’t worry. You just stay right here and I will be right back.” Sophia said and started to leave, “Just stay right there, okay? I forgot my textbook. I will go get it and be right back.” And just like that she ran away.

“Uhh! Um…” Kayla tried to call out to her but she was already gone, her shoulders slumped as her head dropped. She started to feel anxious all alone. And everyone was still staring at her.

“Look who we have here. The poor girl who won the scholarship.”

(What?)

Kayla looked up and saw a group of three girls heading her way. The one who looked like their leader wore a very nasty look. It was like she was disgusted just seeing Kayla.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say then please leave.” Kayla said and tried to turn away but the girl wouldn’t let her.

“Oh-ho? The filthy common girl thinks she can order me around. What gall!” She starts to laugh and the other two laugh along with her. “Now listen here.” The girl suddenly grabbed Kayla’s collar, “Just because you won the scholarship doesn’t mean the students at this school will accept you. You are an outsider. To phrase it in a way your puny brain will understand: You do not belong here. You should leave before you get hurt.”

Kayla glared at the girl as she spoke. She could feel her blood start to boil. Even someone timid like her couldn’t just take that kind of trash talk. “Nonsense.” Kayla muttered.

“What did you say?” The girl’s face contorted. How dare she speak back to her she thought.

Kayla started to laugh, “Is the rich girl so insecure about herself that she has to bully others now? Are you one of those people with a tragic backstory. You know the people who think because they were hurt they can now hurt others?” Kayla said, smirking.

The girl looked absolutely enraged. She let go of Kayla’s collar with extreme force making Kayla fall backwards slightly.

“How dare you. You have no right to even be speaking to me. You… You hideous monster!” She now started to attack Kayla’s appearance. “As long as you go to this school I will be watching you.” She glared at school, shooting her daggers.

But Kayla just shrugged. “Sorry, I don’t listen to little kids. Maybe you should go home to your mother.”

“Why you-!” The girl suddenly moved to smack Kayla on the face but…

“That’s enough.”

Karno, Eisuke and Wilfred appeared. Karno held the girl’s hand and kept holding it as he pulled her away from Kayla and the three of them protected her from the nasty girl.

“What is the meaning of this? Why are you protecting that wench?!” The girl spat in anger.

Eisuke started to chuckle, “Wench? Have you looked in a mirror recently.”

“What?” The girl was horrified.

“This girl happens to be our friend. And no one messes with another’s friend.” Karno said.

“Friend? How can you even associate with the common people. The thought disgusts me. She must have brainwashed you!”

Now Wilfred had to stop himself from laughing as he smiled wryly, “I am very much myself. I don’t choose my friends based on social class. Only a detestable human would do such a thing.” The girl gasped, she was getting attacked from every corner by these men and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Now I remember. You are Emma. Second year at Voltage High and act like you own the place.” Karno said, starting to laugh as he recalled. “Sorry, if you think you will mess with Kayla then your reign will end here.”

All three glared at her looking dead serious.

“If you even think of touching her.”

“You will regret it.”

“We don’t care who you are. We won’t take kindly to you hurting her.”

“So get lost. Now.”

They all said one after another.

Emma utterly furious but knowing this was a losing battle, stormed off.

Kayla was in awe from what she just witnessed. Seeing them all defend her with unwavering resolve moved her deeply. She had only just met them but they had already accepted her and saw her as their friend.

(Oh gosh. I am so happy I may cry.)

The three turned around and saw Kayla tearing up.

“Hey, don’t cry on us now.” Karno said, looking flustered when he saw her nearly in tears.

“You still gotta go to class, this is no time for tears.” Eisuke said.

“I’m glad you are okay.” Wilfred said softly, smiling.

Eisuke then whispered to Kayla, “Didn’t I say we would be here to protect you? Looks like I was able to keep that promise.” Eisuke finished and slowly backed away, smiling at Kayla.

Kayla was left speechless and felt her heart start to speed up as she realized how meaningful those words he told her last night had been but her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sounds of someone shouting.

“I’m baaaack!” Suddenly Sophia made her grand reappearance. “Huh. What’s going on?” Sophia looked at the three men and to Kayla who was nearly crying. “What did you do?” Sophia quickly rushed to Kayla’s side and distanced her from the three men. “If you hurt Kayla I won’t forgive you.” She said, hugging Kayla and glaring at the others.

All three burst into laughter confusing Sophia. They started to explain what happened and Sophia realizing she was mistaken broke out into apology. “Sorry!” She bowed over and over. “I am so sorry Kayla. I shouldn’t have left you just to retrieve my left book.” Sophia sighed, “Once again my forgetfulness has caused trouble.” She mumbled looking annoyed with herself.

Kayla was surprised to see Sophia get so worked up. She was acting very different to her normal self. It showed just how much she cared, and not only her but everyone. They were all willing to fight and protect her.

“Don’t we all have to go to English now?” Kayla started to panic as she lost track of time. Class would be starting at any moment. English was one of the classes they all shared.

“Yeah. We were heading there when we saw you.” Karno said.

Kayla felt a little bad that they may be late because of her but she was extremely thankful they did stop for her.

They all hurried to make their way to class. It wouldn’t do to be too late on their first day.

The five of them burst into the room together. Everyone else was already there- that is everyone else living in their dorm. This English class was held specifically for everyone in dorm A. This was only one of the many things done differently at this college.

The teacher gave them pointed looks for being late and told them to go take their seats. Kayla started to panic thinking she was going to have a grumpy teacher in this class. He really didn’t look too happy they were late. There was only enough chairs and tables for the current amount of students living in dorm A. Being late they had to take the last chairs that were available.

There was still several chairs by the window unoccupied. Kayla rushed to get one of them. Eisuke then took the chair in front of her while Karno took the chair behind her. Wilfred sat to the right of her while Sophia sat in the chair in front of Wilfred. And so it turned out the five of them all sat close together. Behind Wilfred was Hue and in front of Eisuke was Leon. Karno happened to have Ichthys sitting behind him, that will probably keep his heart rate up.

Once everyone was seated the teacher started to introduce himself.

“I am Yamato Kougami and I will be teaching English in this class for the next three years. I expect you all to be well behaved students.” He said looking stern but then broke out into a smile, “I hope we all get along over these three years. If any one you ever have a problem or need someone to talk to please feel free to approach me.”

Yamato started to talk about himself a little so everyone could understand him better and expressed how he wanted everyone to enjoy learning and to have fun doing it. He wanted to challenge his students but he also didn’t want them to feel pressured and get run down because of it.

Kayla was in shock. He was the complete opposite of what she had expected. Not to mention he was handsome to boot. Kayla could get use to being taught by him for the next three years.

After that, class went smoothly. They pretty much had an easy period as Yamato wanted to ease them into the class. The day had quickly gone by and the first day was soon over.

Kayla and Sophia returned to the dorm together.

“Woo. We survived day one!” Sophia cheered and raised her hand to Kayla to give a high five.

“Um, yeah.” Kayla wasn’t sure how to react but decided to go along with it and clapped Sophia’s hand, “We live to see another day!” She cheered.

Sophia smiled happily in approval, “That’s the spirit! To survive college we need to stay positive. Every day that passes is one day sooner to graduation.”

Kayla smiled watching Sophia. She always had so much energy it was amazing. Though… Kayla couldn’t help but wonder what secrets Sophia had she wasn’t willing to share. It was subtle but Kayla noticed changes in her demeanor at times. It was almost like this cheery persona she displayed was to hide something much much deeper.

Once everyone had returned to the dorm, Hue had gathered everyone together into the living room to discuss and important matter with everyone.

That is the clubs everyone would be joining. Clubs worked differently at this college. Each dorm was to make their own clubs and participate in them. And in dorm A it was decided between Karno and Hue (after being picked to be the dorms student council and class president) that they would focus on drama and music. Hue being in charge of drama and Karno would do music.

Now what needed to be discussed was who would be joining what club.

[daisy-chain-gardens]

Exchange Romance - Chapter 9

A/N: Hey guys, I was struck with a sudden bout of inspiration which makes for a nice change so here’s the new chapter. I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think, your comments honestly make my day :)

Word Count: 4,832

Ch. 1 // Ch. 2 // Ch. 3 // Ch. 4 // Ch. 5 // Ch. 6 // Ch. 7 // Ch. 8 // AO3 link 

Betty woke up when she felt Jughead moving underneath her. Her eyes fluttered open slowly and instantly found his.

“Hey,” Betty mumbled, sleep thick in her voice and a small smile on her lips.

“Hey.” Jughead placed a soft kiss on her forehead and she snuggled further into his chest, wrapping the blankets tighter around them. “Do you need anything?” he asked, his words quiet but full of concern.

“Just you,” she whispered into his shirt, her eyes closing once more. He held her tightly, his fingers drawing mindless patterns on her back. They stayed like that until Betty’s voice broke through the noise of the city which somehow managed to fill the room.

“I haven’t had an attack in two years,” Betty whispered. Jughead’s fingers continued to move over her back, his head tilting slightly down towards her, her gaze stuck on the wall. “I used to get them quite frequently, once every couple of weeks. Nothing obvious set them off but I was just overwhelmed. My mum was always getting me to volunteer and join school clubs and stay fit and get excellences and it just all got too much. Digging my nails into my palms was my way of coping. It made me feel like I could hold onto something, to have control over it.

My mum took me to a doctor after I had my first attack at school, heaven forbid something tarnish the Cooper name.” Betty’s voice was full of disgust and sorrow, tears silently falling down her cheeks onto Jughead’s shirt. “The doctor was nice but couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know but my mum just kept pushing. I think that she was compensating for Polly, she’d left home about six months before an something in her kind of just … snapped. She became cold and goal oriented. Everything that we did had to be perfect to make people forget about Polly, the rogue daughter who had always been up to no good.

I had quite a bad attack one day at home and ended up having to go to the hospital. The doctors told mum that I needed to take a bit of a break, drop a few extracurriculars and maybe take a few days off school to rest. I didn’t get the days off school but mum seemed to finally realise what was going on and let me resign from a few clubs and things. Since then I’ve managed to deal with it a lot better and I even convinced my mum to let me come here, telling her it would look good on my university applications but really just needing to get away from home. Some of the kids at school weren’t the nicest about my anxiety and then some others still saw me as that perfect girl next door.

Everything’s been fine but I’ve just been really tired lately and my mum has been constantly badgering me about school and what happens when I come back home and then at the party with so many people I just snapped. I’m really sorry that you had to deal with that.” Betty’s voice was slightly stronger once she finished speaking, shifting her gaze from the wall to Jughead, her green eyes getting lost in the depths of the oceans which seemed to fill his.

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about Betts,” Jughead whispered as he brushed her hair out of her face. She sat up slightly, arms still wrapped around his torso as her lips fell against his. The kiss was soft but Betty got easily lost in it, pouring out her heart and soul as his mouth moved against hers. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed.

“You are still the bravest person I know.” Those were the words that destroyed the tough facade she had been trying to keep up. The soft tears that had fallen before now turned into floods, her sobs ringing out across the room. Betty fell back into him, his head resting on top of hers as he softly ran his fingers through her hair, his other arm securely wrapped around her shoulders. Betty didn’t understand it, how could Jughead still love her when he knew how screwed up she was? He now knew her darkest secrets and he was still there, holding her tightly as she fell apart in his arms.

Jughead’s whispered promises were barely heard over her tears but he said them anyway, never wanting Betty to think for even a second that he would love her any less because of her demons, lord knows he had his fair share. Her cries quieted down after a long while but Jughead never stopped whispering. She placed a soft kiss on his shoulder once she was calm enough to speak again, moving slightly so she could look up at him.

“Jug, how did you know what to do last night?” The question had been swimming around in her head since the night before but she wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it.

“Oh, um, well my sister used to get panic attacks. Whenever my parents fought I would try to distract her. Watch some cartoons, play with her dolls, read to her, anything really that would take her mind off what was happening on the other side of the walls. It … it didn’t always work. Sometimes she would get panic attacks and I was the only one around to calm her down,” Jughead said sadly. His gaze was set on Betty but he was too caught up in his thoughts to really see her. She pressed another soft kiss on the underside of his chin, breaking him out of his memories.

“I love you, Juggie.” She murmured before he once again pressed his lips on hers. She snuggled back into his arms, no more need for tears as they held each other.

“You should really be thanking Arch, he’s the one who got you into the bathroom in the first place,” Jughead said quietly, not wanting to ever let go of Betty but knowing that it had to be done.

“Just a few more minutes.”

——————–

The two of them emerged from their room a short while later, Jughead holding Betty’s hand tightly as they walked into the living room where Veronica and Archie were already sitting on the couch.

“Hey guys,” Betty said quietly, not wanting to startle her friends and not sure how much louder her voice could go. Her throat was still dry from all of the tears she’d shed. Jughead untangled his fingers from hers and placed it gently on the small of her back, rubbing slightly in small circles.

“Hey B, you feeling ok?” Ronnie asked, concern clear in her voice. Betty could tell that she wanted to come up and give her a hug but she was glad she didn’t. She didn’t want to feel like everyone was feeling sorry for her and she was pretty sure that Ronnie hugging her would bring on another round of tears.

“I’m ok V. Just a bit tired and my throat’s a bit sore but other than that I’m good as gold,” Betty said with a small chuckle. She felt like she was as far from gold as you could get. Betty felt the absence of Jughead’s hand on her back and turned to look at him. He gave her a reassuring smile and walked calmly into the kitchen.

“You feel like something to eat B? Smithers brought up more than enough, as per normal. If you want I can go and get you something,” Ronnie said, standing up from her spot on the couch and turning towards the door Jughead had just disappeared through.

“That sounds amazing V, thank you.” Veronica kissed her on the cheek as she walked past, leaving Archie and Betty alone in the large room. She slowly made her way over to the couch and sat down next to Archie, turning slightly to face him but keeping her eyes trained on a stray couch cushion.

“Thank you, Arch, for last night. I know I can be a bit scary when I have … when I’m like that but thank you for helping me.” Betty’s voice was still quiet but Archie could hear her loud and clear in the otherwise silent room. He reached a hand up and placed it cautiously on her shoulder, meeting her with a smile when she lifted her head to look at him.

“Your welcome Betty. I know you’d probably rather talk to Jughead or Ronnie but if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you,” Archie said softly. Betty smiled at him before leaning forward and hugging him tightly.

“Thanks Arch.” They both pulled apart as they heard footsteps coming out of the kitchen, Betty sending Archie one last grateful smile before she was bombarded by Ronnie and a giant tray of breakfast.

——————–

Their last day in New York passed in the blink of an eye. They spent the whole afternoon ice skating, or trying to in Betty’s case, before Jughead made it his mission to find the biggest pizza in New York, with great success. The four of them only just managed to finish it that night as they watched old movies, eventually leading to all four of them falling asleep in various positions around the living room. Somehow, they’d all managed to pack their bags the next morning and were now in the back of the car, New York flying past their windows.

“I’m gonna miss New York,” Betty said quietly, eyes glued to the window as she tried to memorise every detail about the busy city.

“I guess you’ll just have to come back then B. How does next christmas sound?” Ronnie asked, a playful smile on her face.

“Sounds like a plan,” Betty jokingly replied, a lazy smile on her face as she imagined a world where that was possible. They drove in silence for a while, all of them listening absentmindedly to a playlist Archie had put together whilst they got lost in their own thoughts.

“Jug,” Betty whispered in his ear from where her head rested on his shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head before she continued. “Do you know what grows in those fields?” She asked, looking out into the snow covered paddocks. Jughead smiled at the unexpected question, admiring her curiosity.

“I don’t know about the rest of the year but in April they’re covered in orange and yellow flowers. They stretch all the way back to those hills over there.” Betty’s face lit up at the thought, her head lifting off his shoulder so she could get a better look out of the frosty windows.

“Maybe I’ll bring you back here when they’re blooming so you can see them for yourself,” Jughead suggested. Her expression was one of pure delight, causing a warm feeling to spread throughout Jughead and he couldn’t help but laugh as she pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“I would love that Juggie,” she said quietly, eyes briefly meeting his before she leaned her head back on his shoulder. Ronnie, who was discreetly watching the couple from the other side of the car, couldn’t help the soft small that played on her lips at the sight of her two friends together. They seemed like they’d been together for a lifetime, lazy touches and whispered words always passed between the two whenever they were together, constant text messages when they were apart. Veronica couldn’t help but wonder if anyone had ever looked at her and Archie together and thought ‘yeah, they belong together. No doubt about it’. She looked down at her own boyfriend, leaning against the window with his mouth slightly open, his snores sounding faint over the music. She pressed a loving kiss to his cheek before pulling out a magazine and mindlessly flipping through the glossy pages.

——————–

“How strategic was it that you just happened to forget to mention this to me V?” Betty asked, eyebrows raised.

“Possibly very but it doesn’t matter, you’re coming. The New Year’s party at Thornhill is legendary and I will not let you get out of this. You wouldn’t want to miss out on any experiences now would you B?” Ronnie teased, a smug smile on her face when she knew she had Betty cornered.

“Fine, I’ll go. But only if I get to leave when I want. The idea of watching what sounds like our entire school getting drunk and hooking up with one another is not very appealing,” Betty tried to negotiate.

“You have to stay for at least an hour but I’ll let you bring Jughead.” Betty pretended to think about it for a second before replying.

“Deal.”

“You just got played, girlfriend. Jughead was already coming.” Ronnie stuck out her tongue playfully as Betty faked a scowl.

“You suck.”

“Meh. I’ll live,” Ronnie replied, feigning disinterest as she looked at her nails, causing Betty to burst out laughing and Veronica to join in not much later. “Anyway, onto the important stuff, what are you going to wear? I have a skirt which will make your legs look incredible and then I’m sure we can find a cute top to go with.”

“Isn’t it a bit cold to be wearing a skirt V? It’s minus five and snowing,” Betty pointed out.

“I have no idea what minus five means but trust me B, it’ll be worth it. Jughead is going to swoon when he sees you in it.” Betty blushed at the thought, reluctantly agreeing to let Veronica pick her outfit.

“I have this red and blue top which you will look killer in. I can’t wait to see Jughead’s face,” Ronnie exclaimed, rushing into her room with a skip in her step, Betty laughing as she followed along. Ronnie ambushed her with the skirt and top as soon as she walked. “Put these on and then show me. We only have an hour until Archiekins is picking us up in an hour so we’ve gotta move quick.”

Betty went into her room and tried on the outfit. The top was a stripey crop top and Betty swore that she was missing part of the skirt. It was high waisted black leather and ended above her mid thigh. She shuffled back into Ronnie’s room, tugging on the skirt the whole time to try and prevent it from riding up.

“Oh my go B! Jughead’s gonna die when he sees you. Oh my god you look incredible! Wait there, let me take a photo.” Ronnie scurried around the room looking for her phone, looking slightly crazy with only half of her lipstick finished.

“You don’t think the skirt’s a bit short? I feel like I’m gonna flash someone accidentally.” Betty mumbled, hands still tightly gripping the hem.

“Relax B, you look incredible. Stop tugging at your skirt, your legs are honestly to die for,” Ronnie reassured her, somehow finishing off her lipstick at the same time. Betty sat on Veronica’s bed, watching her do her makeup in a practiced fashion. She’d never been very good at makeup and was always in awe of people who could be bothered with it everyday, especially with how much Ronnie wore. Betty swept her hair into a messy low ponytail and had just finished lacing up her sneakers when she heard a knock on the door.

“Can you get that B? I’ll be out in a minute,” Ronnie yelled from the bathroom. Betty stood up and walked to the door, finding Archie and Jughead waiting on the other side.

“Hey guys, come in. V’s just getting changed so I have no idea how long that’ll be.” Archie chuckled at her remark, obviously aware of how long it took his girlfriend to get ready. They all started walking into the living room but Betty was stopped by Jughead’s arms reaching around her waist, pulling her backwards into him.

“You look unbelievable Betts,” Jughead whispered in her ear, his voice thick with desire. He moved his arms from her waist and continued following Archie into the living room, acting so casual that Betty wondered if she’d imagined it. The wink he shot her way told her otherwise and her cheeks turned a dark red. Of course, Ronnie chose that moment to make her grand entrance. Archie stood up and kissed her cheek, whispering something in Veronica’s ear which Betty was thankful she couldn’t hear.

“You ok B, you look a bit flushed,” Ronnie asked. Betty glanced down at Jughead who was already looking up at her with a smug grin.

“Yeah I’m fine thanks V. Ju- , yeah I’m fine. You ready to go?” Betty asked quickly, hoping Ronnie wouldn’t ask any further questions. Veronica shot a quizzical look at Jughead who simply shrugged his shoulders in response, refusing to give anything away.

“If you say so B,” Ronnie replied, not sounding convinced.  “And yes, I’m ready to go.” Archie’s arm wrapped around her waist as they walked out the front door. Jughead stood up and walked over to Betty, throwing his arm around her shoulder and following their friends, all of them zipping up their coats before bracing the cold evening.

——————–

They could hear the noise of the party long before Thornhill came into view. The black Gothic mansion looked very juxtaposed with the teenagers and cheap kegs that were crowded inside. Archie packed the car in the makeshift parking lot, tossing his keys to Jughead before making his way inside with Ronnie.

“You gonna be ok Betts?” Jughead asked, practically yelling to be heard over the music. She nodded in response, kissing his cheek quickly before dragging him towards the front door. The music was even louder inside than it had been by the car and a wall of smoke hit them as soon as they crossed the threshold. Betty held Jughead’s hand tightly as they made their way through the crowd, making their way towards the kitchen. Once there, they each grabbed a coke before heading out onto a balcony where it seemed to be slightly less crowded.

“You doing ok babe?” Jughead asked as soon as they got outside. He had noticed that her breathing was slightly rushed and she hadn’t stopped squeezing his hand since they arrived.

“Can we stay out here for a bit? I’m doing ok now but I don’t know how long I’ll last if we go inside,” Betty admitted, finding it strange but freeing to be able to talk about this with him.

“Anything you want Betts.” She leant up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, holding his gaze for a minute before turning to face out away from the house.

“It’s really pretty here,” Betty pointed out. A large forest stretched behind Thornhill, the bare branches trapping the snow and making it look like someone had painted all of the trees white. Jughead moved behind her and hung his arms over her shoulder, his chin resting on her head. Before he could reply, a few guys from the football team joined them on the balcony, several of them obviously drunk despite the fact that the party had only just begun.

“You wanna go for a walk?” Jughead moved his head so he could talk in her ear, not wanting the other guys to hear in case they started something stupid. She nodded and reached for his hand, holding it tightly once again as they retraced their, walking out the front door and strolling around the house.

“I know I said it before, Betts, but you look stunning tonight,” Jughead said as soon as they got far enough away from the music that they could have a proper conversation.

“You’re just trying to make me blush again aren’t you?” Betty asked, unable to hide her smile.

“You got me all figured out,” he said with a smile, dropping a quick kiss to her lips before continuing their stroll. They got about halfway around the house before either of them spoke again.

“What do you think’s in that building?” Betty wondered aloud, pointing to a large shed halfway between the house and the forest.

“Do you want to have a look?” He asked. She thought about it for a moment before nodding and following him towards it. The door was unlocked and opened easily. Warm air greeted them as they stepped into the building and Betty’s face lit up in delight.

“It’s a pool! Oh, that’s so awesome! I wish I had my own private pool.” Jughead chuckled at her behaviour, finding it completely endearing how childish she could be at times.

“You want to go for a swim?” Jughead turned to her with a boyish grin, happier than he ever thought he could be on Blossom territory.

“I didn’t bring my togs,” Betty replied, slightly confused as to what he was thinking. His grin disappeared and was replaced by a different look which Betty had only seen a handful of times; desire, want, need. Jughead walked towards her slowly, stopping when he was just millimetres away from touching her.

“I think we’ll make do.” Betty barely had time to register the meaning behind his words before his lips were crashing onto hers. His hands moved down to her things and pulled her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist, her skirt now riding up dangerously high but Betty didn’t care. Jughead walked over and placed her on one of the tables which lined the room, moving his hands from her thighs to the hem of her shirt, their lips never parting. He kept his fingers still, waiting for permission, before pulling it over her head in one swift motion as soon as she nodded her head.

Her hands ran through his hair, knocking his beanie to the floor and she deepened the kiss, needing to be closer to him but not sure if that was physically possible. Jughead started to remove his own shirt but Betty beat him to it, pulling away slightly to help him get it over his head and admiring the messy way that his hair was sticking up in all directions.

“I love you,” Betty breathed before his lips were on hers again. She started loosening his belt, pulling it through the loops as quick as she could before loosening the button on his jeans. They fell to the floor and he stepped out of them hastily, toeing off his shoes and socks at the same time. She somehow managed to do the same before wrapping her legs back around his waist once more.

“I love you,” he whispered back. She reached for the zipper on her skirt, pulling it down herself since Jughead was occupied with her hair tie. Once he’d pulled her hair free he lifted her up, allowing her to take off her skirt before placing her back on the table.

“Jughead?”

“Mhmm,” he mumbled in between kisses, his lips barely leaving his for a second. She placed her hands on her shoulders and pushed him away gently, keeping her forehead rested against his.

“I am loving this but I don’t think I’m quite ready for .. that,” Betty said, slightly breathless after what they’d just been doing. Jughead kissed her once, a short, soft, kiss which still managed to take her breath away, despite it being the complete opposite of what they’d just been doing.

“That’s more than ok Betts. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable. We’ll go at your speed, ok?” His voice was gentle and Betty practically melted, falling into further into him. “And on that note…” Jughead unwrapped her legs from his waist, placing one arm under her knees and one arm behind her back, carrying her so she was facing sideways. She giggle in anticipation, unsure what he was going to do next. All of a sudden, she couldn’t feel his arms holding her and milliseconds later she was soaked from head to toe.

“Juggie! You are the worst,” Betty squealed once she’d resurfaced from under the warm water. Jughead was doubled over with laughter, she splashed him a few times and eventually he calmed down, eyes still watering. “At least help me up,” she demanded, holding her hand out from where she was waiting at the edge of the pool. Jughead reached out to help pull her out and before he knew it she’d dragged him into the warm water.

“You’re gonna pay for that Betts,” Jughead threatened playfully as he picked her up and dropped her back in the water, her squeals of protest filling the room. Jughead shook his head as soon as she’d opened her eyes again, his hair causing water to go flying everywhere.

“You’re worse than a dog,” Betty groaned between laughs, once again wiping water from her eyes.

“Good thing you like dogs then,” he quipped back to her, a huge smile on his face at the sight of her laughing.

“Mmm, I don’t know. I think I’m more of a cat person,” Betty replied, slowly moving closer to Jughead. He leant down to kiss her but just before their lips touched, Betty ducked out of the way and splashed him instead. His eyes opened abruptly and his face morphed into a faux scowl. He looked around for Betty but she’d already swum to the other side of the pool, hardly able to contain her laughter as she treaded water. Jughead swam towards her slowly, holding her gaze the whole time. She tried to escape at the last second but underestimated the length of his arms and he managed to catch her, pulling her close to him and showering her face with kisses.

“Juggie! Stop!” Betty whined but her smile told Jughead a different story as he continued to press his lips to her soft skin. Suddenly, the door flew open.

“There you guys are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Fred called Arch about ten minutes ago wondering where the boys are because it’s already after curfew. We need to go,” Ronnie explained, completely unfased by the fact that Betty and Jughead were in a swimming pool in their underwear.

“Ok V, sorry about that. Do you mind waiting outside while we get changed?” Betty asked. She wasn’t really worried about Ronnie seeing her in her underwear but figured Jughead might not feel the same.

“Ugh, fine. I’ll go wait by the car. Hurry up though because we really need to leave.” She turned on her incredibly high heels and walked back out into the cold night. Betty swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out, noticing Jughead watching her walk over to their clothes but unable to do anything about it. Fortunately, they found a large cabinet filled with towels so they were able to dry themselves off before putting their clothes back on, hoping that the snow wouldn’t freeze them alive as soon as they stepped out the door. They got changed quickly, laughing and joking to pass the time. The tension that had dominated the room when Ronnie had found them long disappeared.

“I had fun tonight babe,” Jughead said once they left the pool, his arm wrapped around her shoulders in an effort to keep her warm. She smiled up at him softly as they fell into step beside each other, laughing again by the time they reached the car. Jughead drove them all home, dropping the girls off first.

“Good night Juggie,” Betty said softly before leaning over the clutch to kiss him on the cheek.

“Good night Betts,” Jughead replied, watching her lovingly as she followed Veronica into the apartment, waiting until they were inside before pulling away from the curb and driving back to the Andrews’ house.

——————–

Veronica stumbled into the apartment before going straight to her room, mumbling something incoherent about sleep helping to prevent a hangover. Betty tinkered around the kitchen briefly, making herself a host chocolate and grabbing some biscuits before retreating to her room with the intention of watching a movie or something on Netflix.

Betty wasn’t even remotely tired after the events of the evening and, if she was being completely honest, she wasn’t looking forward to falling asleep without Jughead beside her. She scrolled through her Netflix suggestions but couldn’t find anything she was in the mood for. Betty got up and walked over to her closet, looking for a book to read but coming across the DVD Jughead had given her for Christmas. She grabbed it off the shelf and popped the ‘Rear Window’ disk into her computer, clicking through the menu until the credits started, signalling the beginning of the movie. Not even halfway through the film, Betty can feel her eyes start to drift close and she finally gives in, closing her laptop and falling asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow.

[ecotone99]

[HR] A Mothers Reprieve

A Mothers Reprieve The night ended like most, thoughts of motherhood flooded my mind and the endless dreams tortured me in my sleep. I have not slept will in…. well I guess I couldn’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep. I would like to think it was sometime before Hugo and I were expecting our baby Marcy.

The hard mattress underneath me stiffened with each turn of my body as I laid in bed. The skin against my belly stretched tight against my waist, and I felt every centimeter of Marcy’s’ slow-growing body inside of me. I laid here awake feeling the skin around my body give way surrendering itself in preparation for the birthing process.

My joints pulsed and throbbed as they filled with fluid, swollen from today’s activities. The ligaments in my body cracked with lighting and the sharp sensation radiated throughout my body. I considered waking Hugo so that we can go to our doctor, but a quick google search confirmed what was in the back of my mind.

There is no escape.

As I laid in the darkness of my room, a peaceful aura surrounded the turmoil that was my body. I considered the peace I would get when I get this damn baby out of me. Only one month to go.

A sigh escaped my breath as the thoughts quickly flooded back in. A sudden pain struck me back into reality and overcame my joy. I don’t know how to feel.

I felt disgusting to say the least.

A sharp alarm rang out which jostled me from my stream of consciousness. The alarm read 08:00 AM.

Shit! I slowly rushed out of bed to get ready. I dressed myself in whatever still fit me. Honestly, I didn’t even know how I managed some days.

Hugo awoke to see me getting changed, not realizing that I had never really slept at all. He set a pot of coffee and started scrambling some eggs for me

“Thank you, Hun, but please make them for yourself I have to at least make it to the office before Mark and Jeffrey come in. It’s the last day I have before the budget proposal is due. I have to finish the proposal or else it won’t matter if I go on maternity leave or not because there won’t be a job to return to.”

He kissed me on the cheek and begged me to eat some toast at a minimum. The inner monologue inside my head screamed “You Are a Whale,” “He Wants You Fat,” “She loves you,”

” Do it for him” “He Loves You” “You Need the Nourishment”

Hugo asked me, “You. Want. Some Peanut…. B,”

As I stared into Hugo’s face intently, the sound of my breath buzzed in my head overtaking the words filling my ears. It felt wrong somehow to be here, right now, standing here in front of the person I love. The steam chirped off the coffee pot. The low hum of flies buzzed behind me, the refrigerator motor blasted vibrations throughout the recesses of my body. Something just felt off and I could not understand what, that, was.

“utter?”. Hugo finished. I focused on a sharp pain across the right side of my ribcage that broke the reality of my thoughts. Regaining my composure, I gathered my thoughts, “I’m sorry what? Marcy’s just been kicking the crap out my ribs just now. “

Hugo voice cracked “Are you alright? Maybe you should consider just sitting this day out today? Don’t you think?” The thought comes to mind, it sounded like that’s the smart thing to do. A choice most would consider without hesitation, right?

The thought grew heavy in my mind and the reality that is, flashed before me. I’m about to give birth to my goddamn daughter. It should be easy for me to just stay home. Yet something was calling out to me, intruding my thoughts, which is why I had to stay busy until the end.

Hugo’s eyes examined me, looked me over infinitely, as I noticed the consternation swelling in his face. He’s right to be concerned, as it’s something that I feel I’ve had no control of. I must have stood here longer than imagined, ruminating in thought.

Hugo’s voice grew louder with concern, “Damn it! Are you listening to me? Fuck? Did you even sleep?”

Our eyes locked, piercing mine; he delved deep into my thoughts, the reddish hue, my bloodshot eyes answered the question without me having to. “It’s not that I stayed up because I wanted to.” As if, defiant, I continued “Look. I know your worried about me and Marcy. This is hard on me. I don’t feel like myself. I want to go to sleep at night but time just passes by.”

He sighed; his eyes rolled over me. A flash of irritation swept across my face, I felt the impending lecture brewing, like many times before. He rants about the importance of rest and relaxation.

He paced back and forth in the kitchen and in the process, he grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread off the top shelf. His hands weighed heavy with anxiety; they shook as he put the bread to toast.

A soft sigh escaped from under him as he leaned over the kitchen counter. His shoulders pursed back begrudgingly. I walked across the kitchen and took a seat; I could practically foresee where this was heading. He breathed in deeply several times, and with each passing breath a myriad of words came to my head ready to address his concerns.

Hugo turned his body around giving me his full attention. “Look, it makes me feel sad…”

My thoughts interrupt his. The words gnawed at my conscious, annoyed at his choice of words my face scowled. Sad? How can he feel sadness when I have been fighting against it the entire pregnancy? As days go by, I felt successful overcoming sadness, yet it always seemed at any moment I would be overcome by it.

Hugo continued “…that I can’t understand you. I feel helpless that I can’t help you with what you’re physically going through, but believe me I want to. Were a team; You, me and Marcy. I love you, please just take it easy. Fuck it! Don’t go to work if they fire you, we’ll sue them for discrimination. I mean how can they fire the pregnant girl.”

My stomach churned; my hands wet with perspiration. His words an unexpected change and not at all the underhanded attack of frustration I had pictured.

I reflected on his words and examined them at face value. I stood up and walked toward him and embraced him in my arms. A sharp voice chimed in my right ear, ever so softly whispered as it faded, “You’re the reason he’s sad.” Hugo’s eyes starred into mine, I felt the sweet warm aura his body conveyed, erasing all thoughts as I hugged him tighter. “I love you too.” I assured him that would be taking my maternity leave as of today and that I would let Mark know to finish the proposal for me.

Hugo grabbed the toast and scraped a glob of peanut butter on it. I took a seat by the table, took a deep breath, and allowed the rich nutty smell to engulf me and nourish my senses. I eagerly started eating my toast and watched as Hugo continued his attempts to help me. The sizzling of the pan and the spats of oil jumping off into the stove painted a smile upon my face. The inner monologue silenced through the power of food.

The last bite of peanut butter toast soothed my stomach, as I breathed out, the tightness around my belly started to wane. My ankles however, pulsed with envy as they continued to swell. Still, these moments of peace are what I strived for in this long grueling road.

He put a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me; I hesitated for a moment and considered my position. I haven’t eaten in over 12 hours, haven’t slept well, and my husband seemingly, tried hard, to make me happy. I lifted the spoon brimming with eggs up into my mouth and opened wide.

“Bzzzzzzzzzz…….Bzzzzt.” I heard my phone vibrate in the room. My muscles trained from memory, that sound all too familiar, contracted around my spine and tightened my loose joints. The spoon dropped from my hands and I hurriedly walked to my purse to grab my phone. The name Mark blistered across the screen and I remembered that I had yet to inform him about my plan to start maternity leave as of today.

Hugo calmly asked to let him speak on my behalf, yet before he finished, I had answered the call and had the phone up to my ear.

Mark had informed me that the budget proposal was due by 12:00pm and that I absolutely needed finish before 12pm or the Meyer contract would be extended another 6 months. Hugo had listened intently and was able to pick up on the conversation, he spoke infuriated over my voice, “Absolutely no fucking way. Are you kidding me? Give me the phone.” “Listen Mark I can’t do this today. I’m starting my maternity leave as of right now. I just haven’t been feeling myself, and for my sake, I cannot come in,”

Mark offered to pay me a full day’s work, on overtime, time just to finish the proposal, but again, I refused. Mark told me that he understood my position and that he would let Jeffrey know about my leave. He promised to finish the work and assured me that my position as Chief Controller would be waiting for me when I returned. “Just one thing.” Mark said. “Where did you leave the fiscal logs?”

My eyes pulsed with dread at the thought and I remember that I had taken the logs with my so that I could finish them at home. Filled with a sense of underwhelmed anxiety my head turned toward Hugo. My eyes looked through him, I couldn’t bear to see his reaction as I answer Mark’s question. I managed to stammer out “I Uhm. Have them with me in my backpack,” I didn’t have to look at Hugo’s face to see his exacerbated expression as I continued, “I’ll drop them off to you right now.” And with that the conversation that had sealed my fate was over.

I couldn’t manage to look at Hugo, knowing full well I had gone against his wishes. All I needed to do was drop them off and explain the procedure needed to decode the logs; simple.

Hugo’s voice tensed and flexed, getting calmer as he spoke “You have to be kidding me if…If you think I’m going to allow you to go to work in your condition.” My words quickly lashed out “Allow me? You don’t control me. Ok. I am an adult; I can make my own damn decisions. It was you who wanted this baby in the fi…” the voice inside abruptly interposed itself between my words “He’ll only ever love her.” However, the words had already escaped my grasp to quick to take them back. “… first place. And I fucking chose to have it because I love you. I will not allow myself to be dictated upon by anyone.”

A single, powerful tear flowed down, drenching my cheek. Taken back by the overwhelming complexity of this situation I made my way toward the bathroom to breathe.

Several minutes of silence passed until they were interrupted by a knock on the door. His voice softly spoke, faintly through the door. “Things were escalating quick. I feel scared when we argue because I don’t want to make you stressed, more so, than you already are. I lost myself and I didn’t mean to be controlling,”

He means well, I know he does, I thought to myself. I’m doing this for him and I’m doing this for her. I splash some water on my face and opened the door to greet a man beaten down by a few harsh words.

Hugo calmly expressed his wishes to me “I want you to be yourself and I’ll support you. Let me give you a ride to the office. I know work is important to you and as a powerful working mother to be, you will be doing this in the future anyway,”

I walk past him and grabbed my backpack and fumbled through it to pull out the logs. I informed him that it would be acceptable for him to drive me to my office. My words lacked feeling and depth as I somberly spoke to Hugo. “You can take my car; I have the monthly pass that gets you into the parking lot,”

We entered my car and we were quickly on our way to my office.

The deafening silence broken by the hum of the engine and the growl of my stomach, I remembered that the eggs had gone uneaten. I turned the radio on and it only took a few seconds for the music to sync from my Spotify playlists

“I Hurt Myself Today….” The words rang true, as if no better song, at the opportune time to describe my state of affairs, it had to be Johnny Cash.

A stiff pulsating ache shot across my back, and fierce waves ripped across the tide that is my stomach. I wince in pain and grab hold of the arm rests.

Hugo turned his attention towards me and caressed his hand over my stomach. A contraction a rich painful wave that indicates dilation of the cervix. “A painful thing for you I can imagine, yet it’s beautiful.” Hugo says with a deep-felt affirmation. “A wave of life.”

He caressed my belly for a minute as he continued driving. “I get concerned for your wellbeing; I don’t want you to overwork yourself. How far apart are they?” he said.

I told him that the contractions have been sporadic at best and that it does not indicate that I would be giving birth soon, necessarily.

He maintained his hand on my belly taking every ounce of information his hands could process. He continued driving, eyes sullen and devoid of conjecture, he asked, with heavy lips and short breath “What did you mean that you only wanted a child because of me. Do you want Marcy?”

I couldn’t begin to understand the question myself, or understand the complexities of answering his question at face value. A thousand words jumbled in my mind and I could not sputter one out.

The silence grew maddening, answering for me. His face geared toward the road, overcome with expressionless thought. I could practically envision his soul disconnecting from his body before me.

A feeling sunk deep within and wretched inside me. Looking through the window I noticed the cars driving by and the people walking by, living out their daily lives, and I took a second to ponder that they too must have their own complexities.

I look back at Hugo, the same cold face I devoid of life, taunting me. We passed Rainey Street, and it occurred to me that my office is now two blocks away.

I gathered my thoughts, breathed in deeply and thought to myself; tell him something, anything. Just then I noticed we continued straight instead of turning right on Hartford Ave, where my office was.

A thunderous boom erupted with tremendous force that shook me into confusion. I could not escape the centrifugal force that threw me against the door frame. My body, unable to react, simply embraced the violent impact. The sound of twisted metal crackled, screeched and tore into the air. As the car rolled over, the impact breached the roof and caused an explosion of glass that clawed at my face. My world literally and figuratively turned upside down.

My sight grew dark from shock, I took in only glimpses of the scene from the pulses of light getting through. The long drawn out screeching, groaned to a halt as the car landed right side up. The ashen air filled the car blanketing the morning sunlight overhead. I opened my eyes to the surrounding haze and breathed as the smoky air singed my eyes and throat.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and attempted to open the door but I was unable to move. I took another painful breath of air and felt a wet and sticky substance running down my leg and face. I looked to my left, the haze pierced by sunlight, and I realized I also was. Something had impaled the left side of my body holding me hostage against the car seat. I managed to see Hugo slumped to his right. Caressed in the mangled wreckage the seatbelt across his body cut deep into his skin, yet it managed to keep him from being flung out the car through the open windshield.

I made one more effort to open the door, a sad attempt really, as I was barely able to lift my arms up as they weighed heavily on my torso. My body sank down succumbing to gravity. Three beating heartbeats rang in the distance, and grew softer by the second. With each faint pulse they weakened.

“Holy Shit! Mam are you okay? Firefighters are coming!” A soft scream yelled from outside. The heartbeats grew softer still, and were eventually replaced by the distant sound of sirens. I managed to lift my head up and I took one more look at Hugo, as I desperately searched for clues, indicating he was at the very least, breathing. I could not.

The darkness engulfed me.

The chirping monitors woke me and I found myself lying in a bed. The soft light in the room tore into my eyes and I could feel the fibers in my muscles tearing as I propped myself up. As my vision returned, I was greeted with the sight of several needles protruding form my arms and legs, all hooked to a central machine. My eyes followed a path; to my arms, chest, stomach, legs and feet. They were all there. I did not realize how I ended up here, but I was content to know that I was not seriously maimed.

My fingers traced around my belly and felt a rough jagged outline of a wound protruding out from underneath a bandage. With an abrupt realization I shrieked out, gasping as I spoke, “MARCY! MARCY! What is happening. My baby. Someone, help me.” My thoughts shuttered “She’s gone. Its al because of you.” The IV’s tore out under my skin as I thrashed about without reason, pleading out to anyone who could answer me. It took only seconds for a team of nurses to storm in and subdue me from my own actions. I was sedated and again was brought back to the darkness.

I awoke not knowing how much time had passed. However, this time there was a young woman tending to my wounds. I laid there, looked over to her, and gestured, clasped my fingers and beckoned her. She leaned in closer. I managed to find the words “My Husband?”

“Its Hugo, right? First thing; He that he is alive.” Her words eased my anxiety and she continued “Second, he is here at the hospital, Room 1154B. For now, please that’s all you need to know”.

I begged, “Please tell me. Where is my baby?” Taken back by my question; her face, twitched with remorse, expressed more than any words could.

She nervously answered and searched for words that gave her a reason not to answer me this time “Let me get Dr Anderson. She’ll explain everything to you.”

She quietly slipped away into the halls. Her reaction affirmed what I had already believed.

The room around me garnered no clues that gave me insight. I guess room 1150 is where I would be staying for some time. Room 1150, my head throbbed as it came to the conclusion that Hugo was on this same floor of this hospital. I forced myself to sit up, ignoring all of my body’s warning signs, pleading me to stop. I pushed past the pain and managed to rip out my IVs out without thought, and stood up off the bed.

I slowly stumbled into the hallway. The sandals beneath my feet crushed the floor as my persistent steps searched for room 1154B. My heart raced with each step and the blood pulsed fiercely inside my veins. It poured out from underneath my bandage and from the IV wounds, tricking down into the floor, leaving a trail behind me.

I continued walking forward and passed an open window, the moonlight shinning through illuminated the hallway seemingly more so than the dim lights overhead.

The reflection of the moonlight tinged off the brass sign from the room at the end of the hallway, Room1154B.

“CODE YELLOW! All hospital staff please be advised Code Yellow in Room 1150,”

A red light blazed in the hall and I could hear the sounds of people rushing toward the other end of the hall. In this confusion I slipped inside my husband’s room. It was lined with machines, ventilators, IV’s and a central monitor stood looming over the side of his bed.

The tears welled in my eyes at the sight, too much to bear until I could no longer hold them back. My lungs labored; I began hyperventilating as I straddled the side of the bed. I clung to the rail tightly, desperately trying to contain myself. All emotion, raw with strength encapsulated in the moment punctured a hole in my heart that sent me whirling down a hole of darkness. I caressed his cheek with my hand, moving slowly, over his breathing apparatus tenderly examining him. I could barely recognize him underneath the bruised and swollen mask upon his face.

Encumbered with desperation I cry to him “Hugo, My love. Open your eyes.” I lugged my body over the rail and nestled his side. I squeezed him hard embracing the light that flickered in his body. Hot blood trickled down my arms moistening the blankets on the bed, drawing warmth from my already turmoiled body. I grew colder in his embrace. And as I grew colder, I wicked the flickering flame extinguishing it with the bitter coldness of the blackened hole I had become.

A buzzing, steady beep, echoed through the room. His body kept in motion only by the ventilator. Arbitrary movement devoid of life, basking in the darkness begging to be brought back. An imitation game making matters worse, vehemently I kicked the breathing apparatus, knocking it down to the ground.

A few moments later, a team of nurses and doctors, ushered by a security guard stormed into the room. The guard swiftly pulled me off Hugo’s body. My head spun as it hit the floor and as my vision cleared, I saw the hospital staff assertively start life saving measures on Hugo. The guard pinned me against the floor and felt restraints begin to bind me. I was loaded on a gurney and rolled into the hallway headed back toward my room. His room disappeared into the distance. His cold lifeless body seared into my cornea imprinted its after image, hauntingly mocked me. After all, it was because of me.

I stared at the ceiling unwilling to move, this feeling like nothing I’ve felt before, slowly encroached over me. Motivating anguish consumed me, in hopes of devouring all memories of what occurred.

My breath already fatigued grew faster and shallower in this process. Tears rolled down my cheek, precious memories condensed inside reflected out expressing what was being devoured.

Each word crafted and expressed, sometimes without thought, used cunningly can cut deeply impacting others’ lives. My thoughts raced forward before they were consumed, I thought just maybe, if I had said it some other way. This would all be different.

“No” I weakly uttered out. If I had maybe said it to my boss things could have been different.

The dreams of what are, a shadow, of the realities before me, set forth by actions unable to be taken back. Create the world which we have said.

My breath slowed to a stop. One last tear escaped, sliding down my cheek taking with it all of my emboldened heartache. A sweet relief to greet the darkness with sweet tasting tranquil forgiveness. “I’ll see you in the darkness, my love,”

Dr Anderson walked into room 1150 and observed her lying motionless on the Gurney.

Already soaked with perspiration she jumped on the gurney and began CPR. Dr Anderson screamed out “Call another code goddamn it”. With crafted precision she worked tirelessly intent on saving the unknown patient before her. Each resounding thrust of her arms pumped glimmers of hope back into the corpse. Yet each failed attempt eroded her determination, until she eventually stopped.

Dr Anderson peeled off the gloves of her hands, angrily threw them down on the floor. Somberly holding back tears, she looked at her watch, sighing, as she declared “Time of death 0445 hour,”

The first phone call she made was to Dr Kao, who worked at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. “This world is unforgiving. Can you prepare Social Services Prep for the newborn infant in NICU room three? I couldn’t save her mother,”

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