#but I’m also scared cuz I /gen don’t know what I’m about to read

[cj-marj]

YOU CANT POST A 300K+ FIC AND NOT TELL ME ANYTHING IN THE SUMMARY! WHAT AM I GOING IN TO?!

[kashkobi]

why did I start my blog up?

cuz I’m a creative. An artsy nikka born and raised on the internet mf lol.

Kanye, Frank Ocean, Mac Miller, etc. etc. had blogs.

I feel like the overall charm of creatives has really shifted into being “mysterious” and “cool”. With the descent of attention spans, lots of people are scared of others not caring about their thoughts or ideas. It’s all presentation.

There’s nuance in the idea of presentation, sure. You don’t wanna just yap yap yap and expect people to care to read the whole thing.

It’s a fast moving world. We wanna see a cool picture short description on social media for 30 seconds so we can push off to the next thing. Because there’s always a next thing.

Blogs are basically dead because of this new style of being mysterious and sh*t.

As if cool, talented, and culture transformative creatives can only be these ominous geniuses who are too cool for anything.

Man what? Kanye used to be up on blogs talking about all his nerdy stuff. Twitter too.

That’s the secret. All these boundary pushing, successful, and generational creatives are nerds. For something. For the culture. For cinema, games, art, psychology, etc. etc. and they can talk about it. They obsess over looking at these things.

And they communicate and openly show excitement for these things that make them them. No matter how niche.

What happened to the idea of people you respect being a tastemaker? What happened to the idea of exploring the worlds of other people through their interest?

Because communication is so fast nowadays we can’t get really into these things? We’re shy about it?

The people I saw as legends; mythic geniuses of culture and creativity; they would show the world the things that conjured their spirit. They would rant and geek out about something.

This whole “yapping” idea generated by Gen Z is funny but I kinda hate how the idea of openly talking about things that excite you in lengthier patterns is exclusive to real writers or article makers.

Everybody has a mind. Express these things (if you want).

When I’m gone all of this will be all I have left. I don’t know who or how many people care to really get into me and what makes me me. Maybe just me, maybe one person. Maybe more than I can even imagine when it’s said and done.

Your words and thoughts transcend time and will forever paint who you are and what you stood for.

Why not let others find themselves through you? You never truly know how many people admire, respect, or look for influence in you.

Why’d I start my blog? To stamp that I was here and that I believed in something you might believe in too.

Also, it looks cool. Lmao.

[avese23]

if you spend hours of your life stalking some poor girl, accuse her of being an abuse victim with no evidence and knowing she wants nothing with this, then falsify 24 pages of “proof,” you are the creep. Go write a fucking book, it’s what I did if I had the creative energy to spit out that much fiction in so little time. It’s wild how the clearly twitter bullshit that has no founding in real life cases or the real people behind the screen is given so much weight irl (specifically in gen z spaces. People who regularly touch grass and/or don’t watch much YouTube don’t know enough to care. This is a very uniquely nerd problem where niche interests become far more mainstream than they meant to. Hence why I’m posting about this on tumblr the website with nerds and a slightly higher reading comprehension level than the rest of the internet. Twitter scared me far before it died)

it’s annoying feeling a pressure to not voice opinions when meeting new people who think they know something about a fan space you’re on because twitter decides mass opinion equates facts. And that young adults on the internet that twitter likes are “helpless babies who never lie or say anything offensive” but the young adults that they don’t like are irredeemable monsters who deserve to die a horrible death.

anywho I deleted a bunch of social media apps for the holiday season but couldn’t hold back from giving a quick desktop rant to the one place you can usually get away with uncensored language and having unique thoughts. No tags cuz I don’t want to come back to hate in January but if you know what this is about then hello nerd. Also don’t want to tag cuz the girl mentioned above is getting enough unwanted attention from people using her as a pawn in their drama

TL:DR If this upsets you please unfollow, we’re probably both sick of this drama tbh. I don’t understand why people get to so into hate trains when all it does is stifle joy and creativity from whole communities. Anywho gonna use my energies to write 24 pages of gay wlw fantasy adventure (if I manage that with my headache I will redownload tumblr to gush highkey)

[magireco]

out of curiosity what do you think of the characterization of homura in rebellion? i hugely dislike it but get the impression you enjoy it which i think is interesting cuz we seem to have very similar thoughts on homura pre-rebellion (CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG)

THIS IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON WHAT FLAVOR OF REBELLION HOMURA YOU MEAN. i really really like the way she was done in the first half of the movie but as for the twist at the end...? mmm...

...okay, so... i've been thinking about saying this at some point but i keep avoiding it in fear of causing discourse and such bc... this is a really unpopular opinion apparently, but I really do not think devil homura was done properly. read under the cut if you wanna know why i feel this way!

the first issue i'm going to address is that there wasn't NEARLY enough buildup for it. i'm going to explain this from the perspective of a first-time viewer: what would you have thought would happen after the very last scene of rebellion leading up to them breaking homura out of her soul gem? when homulilly got purified and the flowers on her head turned to sakura flowers (y'know, the flowers that symbolize life and rebirth, homura being reborn from her witch)? did you think homura was suddenly gonna undermine madoka's godliness? because, uh, first-view me did not think that at all. and neither did almost anyone i know who watched it for the first time. not only is that poor setup but it's just so sudden and it feels so out of character compared to what we'd seen in the entire series as a whole, especially considering that the entire last part of the movie leading up until that was about purifying her... and saving her... there wasn't enough buildup. most people are like "but the flower scene happened!" but that's still way too vague...? it's hard to tell what conclusion homura comes to at the end, because we don't get to see any of her internal monologue... there is no other buildup after the flower scene... it just skips to homura realizing she's a witch. wouldn't that bring the viewer to think the flower scene was something that made homura realize she was a witch rather than her suddenly starting to form her plan? it always felt like to me the conclusion homura came to at the end of the flower scene was that she was validating madoka's bravery and telling her that if it ever came to that, she'd have the ability to make that hard decision. which is... so... weird? because i always interpreted that as homura coming to terms with what happened? i could just be interpreting it wrong though, but isn't that supposed to be our proof scene? our buildup scene? why would they make it so hard to understand? we need to know such important buildup points just as blatantly as the natural buildup to homura becoming a witch was. that's just from a moviemaking & writing perspective though.

secondly, i'm gonna discuss homura's motive. i actually ended up understanding were she was coming from after a while of being like "what the hell that makes zero sense!!!!". madoka is a 14-year-old girl who, in order to save the fate of every magical girl, literally had to sacrifice herself and erase herself from the world, and in the end, madoka just ended up saving homura again, and that must've made homura feel like her promise with madoka was never fulfilled. it's unfair what happened when you think about it and the law of cycles should not have been run by madoka herself because she, as any other 14 year old, deserves to be happy on earth. although it was said in magireco that madoka felt happy with what she was doing (and she felt like it truly gave her a purpose), she did admit to feeling lonely and homura probably made that assumption big time. but the way the writers went about it just made her seem so sinister... so out-of-character-ly sinister. what with the evil smirking and the deepened, almost... uh, sensual-seeming voice, and homura completely ignoring madoka's fear. it feels like they twisted her character extremely suddenly and it throws the viewer on a loop. they could've gone with that ending without making such drastic and sudden changes to homura's character, and if they were planning on doing that, why did they not give us more buildup? buildup that wasn't extremely cryptic that you have to scan and search every detail to get a clue? something i love about rebellion is that every time you watch you find something new, but how come some of the only clues illuding to devil homura's existence are in the op? it's odd. why didn't they go with something like making the incubators run the law of cycles? they were the ones at fault for causing it to be created. but honestly, the incubators cannot be trusted with anything, which is why it'd make sense for a magical girl to run the law of cycles, but if homura and madoka had the combined power to do so, what if they just remade the law of cycles so it was less unfair to madoka...? i don't know. either of those possibilites would make more sense than what happened.

something else that kind of irks me about it is that they demonized(literally, lol) homura's love for madoka. homura is very much a canon lesbian, and it's incredibly discomforting to me that they made her seem, outwardly to the viewer, so selfish...? please don't get me wrong, i'm not ACTUALLY calling homura selfish -- i know the entire akumura facade is a mask she put on, but like, it's so much more blatantly sinister than she is in the series when she's putting on the coolmura facade. it's going to really confuse the viewer and see every single one of her actions from the entire series in a completely different light, INCLUDING stuff that happened in rebellion itself. like the genuine sadness homura felt, the way we saw into her soul and felt her pain, that genuinely made a lot of people i've seen think that it was ingenuine upon first inspection... they made homura turn "evil" out of her love for madoka, as if it's a bad thing to fall in love, and as if love for another girl was what corrupted her soul gem... i understand that gen urobuchi probably wanted to explore that kind of path where love leads to obsession or whatever, but homura was selfless to a fault, constantly trying to force herself away from the others in order to not get attached, and deeply afraid of seeming creepy and predatory and scaring(she said this herself), which is exactly what she ends up doing at the end, and i feel so awful that they did that to her... how is the viewer supposed to know what her true motives are at that point? it gets all scrambled up after they did that huge plot twist. i'm going to address another thing super quick before people jump in my ask box over this, i understand also that it would make sense for homura to be obsessed with madoka, but in the series, it was never shown in this light, and like i said, if they were going to do this, why'd they even have the purification scene at the end at all? the buildup is all wrong . it also just made me upset that this ending caused SO many people to start literally believing homura is evil because of her actions at the end, and it made people become even more vehement on their beliefs that homura is obsessive and ps*cho...

i was really confused when i watched it for the first time (and also sobbing hysterically, literally, my funniest rebellion story as someone who has genuinely watched the movie 40-ish times, i remember vividly the first time i watched it i started sobbing on my hands and knees on a yoga mat in my mom's room). also like, just to prove my point a teensy bit more, the ending was so ambiguous and out of nowhere that one of the first google results to "madoka magica rebellion" is "madoka magica rebellion ending explained" because it shocked people so much that that was the first thing they needed to google. also, the fact they left us on such a vague cliffhanger and then abandoned the movie series for a total of 8 whole years only to make a sudden comeback in god's holy year of 2021 was almost cruel. LIKE GUYS I JUST FINISHED UP MY DEVIL HOMURA HEADCANONS IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!

...anyways, um, i really have to address the sexualization. madoka magica, previously, was a series that avoided fanservice in the show, at least, but why did they make akumura's design look like that...? it shows an unsettling amount of skin and like, every three seconds in the end they're focusing intensely on her lips and her eyes and... it's almost like the writers forgot she was 14, but they never seemed to forget that in the series? what happened????? in the transformation scene, we get closeup views of homura's thighs and back and stuff and it's all open everywhere... they made her tights into thigh-highs... in the whole series, even when she went to school, she always wore tights, and she was wearing tights in her magical girl outfit too... they absolutely deliberately did that to sexualize her further so they could make official art with her thighs out. speaking of official art that unsettles me, why does so much of the official art make the whole outfit just glued to her body and you can see all the shading on her features... it's just. ugh. anyways.

i went off a LITTLE too much on this and i know this is probably gonna get me some weird glances in the fandom and i am open to hearing other people's opinions but i don't think i'll ever stop disliking the effect this plot twist had on the fandom's interpretation of homura and although i'm like UNDENIABLY incredibly hyper excited for the next movie, i'm kind of...nervous for what this is going to bring? i don't want this next movie to cause the same amount of discourse the ending of rebellion did and i legit just want to see homura happy. another one of my main issues with the ending is just that homura is SO unhappy when she literally deserves to be happy SOOOOOOO BAD and just take a break from all the loops ... i'm Praying to madokami out there that that's what happens.

i know this is all really funny coming from someone who draws devil homura on a regular basis and literally writes her, but like... i'm a lesbian i'm allowed to<3

ANYWAYS thanks for listening this was a fun ask!!!

[stitch1830]

For @nanunanu22 prompt ask. Original ask is here!

Bit of next gen context if you need it. Also going to make a cut because this is long!

Bladebabies: Malek (~18) and Kiyoko (~13)

Steambabies: Kya (~17), Izumi (~15), and Iroh (~8)

Dunebabies: Lin (~10), Gyatso (~6/7), Suyin (~5), Kenji (~6 months)

Next Gen - #92 - “This is one heck of a storm”

Flashes of light and loud claps of thunder startled the young children inside the Ember Island house. They all put on brave faces, but some still showed discomfort at the scene.

Kya peered out the window to see the status of the storm, hoping to find any signs of it letting up. They were currently waiting on their parents to return back to the house; they said they had group errands to run and that she, plus Malek, was in charge. “It’s really coming down,” she noted.

Malek nodded, bouncing a crying baby Kenji in his arms. “Yeah, this is one heck of a storm.”

“Kya, I’m scared!” Suyin exclaimed. She held on tightly to the teenager’s leg, and Kya patted Su’s back reassuringly. “It’s okay, Su! The storm will pass. We’ll be fine.”

“What about Mama and Baba?”

“They’ll be fine, too! I’m sure they’re just waiting out the storm before they come back.”

“Or, they could be swept away into the sea, never to return!” Izumi teased, putting on her best spooky voice.

Suyin’s face turned pale, and her lower lip trembled as she ran off to find Lin.

Kya scowled at Izumi and hissed, “Now why on earth would you do that??”

“What?! I’m just having some fun!”

“Yeah but you don’t have to scare a five-year-old!”

Izumi waved her hand at her older sister. “Oh c’mon, Su’s tough, she’ll be fine.”

“Seriously, though, did you really have to—”

“—Do we have anything to eat?” Kiyoko interrupted.

Izumi pointed her head in the direction of the kitchen. “Kitchen’s that way, Kiki.”

“I know, but do we have anything edible to eat? Uncle Aang just brought vegetables!”

“Iroh always sneaks some seal jerky in his bags on these trips, ask him,” Kya suggested.

Kiyoko cheered and ran off, ready to bug Iroh into giving her jerky. Malek shifted in his stance and said, “Hey, uh. Anyone mind taking this little guy? I uh… wouldn’t mind some jerky too.”

Izumi rolled her eyes. “Malek, you’ve been holding Kenji for two minutes. Go get jerky with him!”

“Hey! I didn’t expect him to be crying this entire time! I mean, really, when are the parents coming back?”

Kya sighed. “They said they’d be back soon. Just walk him around the house, maybe he’ll calm down.”

“He’s never calm,” Malek whined. “Can’t you hold him?” he asked, holding out the baby to Kya. “He probably just likes people that look like Aunt Toph.”

“And I look like Aunt Toph??”

“You both have long hair.”

“Malek, you’re so dumb,” Izumi playfully sighed. “Whoever put you in charge needs a head check.”

“I’ll have you know that my dad put me in charge!”

Izumi held her hands out, palms facing up toward Malek. “I rest my case.”

Malek frowned at Izumi. “I dislike you very much in this moment.” But he relented after seeing that his efforts to pass off a crying Kenji were not working.

“I’m crying on the inside,” Izumi teased.

The young man’s frowned grew as he grumbled and bounced away with baby Kenji. “Stupid family trip. Coulda been at Kyoshi Island hangin’ out with the warriors…”

Izumi rolled her eyes at her cousin, then turned to Kya. “Did the parents really not say what they were doing and when they’d be back?”

Kya shrugged her shoulders and looked out the window once more. “You know as much as I do, Iz.”

Before the teens could say any more, Iroh and Gyatso came running in and complaining to them.

“Kya! Gyatso keeps blowing puffs of air and making me trip!”

“Only ‘cuz you keep tripping me! Literally!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Gyatso you're a klutz you trip over your own feet! I don’t have to do anything to trip you!”

“No I’m not!”

“You kind of are, G,” Izumi added. “But we love you for it.”

“Why must you add fuel to the fire?” Kya muttered.

“Because it’s fun,” she whispered to her sister, and the two watched the young boys continue to bicker and complain to each other. Izumi just wished she had snacks.

“Lin!” Gyatso yelled. “Tell Iroh that it’s not—”

“—I’m reading, Gyatso! Figure it out.”

Gyatso huffed and stomped over toward his sister to start yelling at her. “You never back me up!”

“Because you’re fighting about silly stuff and Su is over here crying!”

“Aw, Su, why are you crying?”

While the Beifong kids continued to console and bicker off in the distance, Kya pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

She really hoped the parents would be home soon.

......

Send me a prompt and a ship to write about! (For ATLA).

Or just send me asks lol

[miracleboiz]

Making a Home Ch. 16

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 4k

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuse

Not from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

This week is Rintaro, Hitoshi, and Akagi’s POV:

Suna Rintaro wasn’t the biggest fan of people. He didn’t really have a lot of experience with them as it was, and when he did they tended to just rub him the wrong way.

If he went with his parents to events he had to deal with countless adults asking if he was as smart as his parents, if he was going to be doctors like them, could he even read? If he said yes he was as smart as them, no he wasn’t going to be a doctor because they never seemed happy, and ‘I’m six not three, do you know how to read?’ Then he had to deal with two hours of admonishments about pride instead of leaving him alone.

On the other hand, the other kids at school felt like screaming babies. Rintaro already knew how to write his name in Katakana, Kanji, and Hiragana, and yet they just went over it every single day. The other kids were still scratching out the characters slowly as if they’d never read anything before and Rintaro was bored.

Not to mention how often he had to deal with laughter when he used bigger words and the teachers would ask if he actually knew what they meant. Why would he use it if he didn’t know what it meant?

Hitoshi, atleast, seemed to catch on quickly to what Rintaro was saying. He could actually talk and didn’t care if Rintaro said too many big words. Plus he didn’t seem to care if Rintaro wanted to drag him around town trying new things.

Hitoshi did have a strange crush on Matsukawa Shinji that Rintaro just couldn’t understand. Shinji was nice but… boring. Shigeru was much more interesting, he could not only keep up with Rintaro in class but also wouldn’t cry if Rintaro punched him. What more could someone want in a rival?

Overall, Rintaro didn’t like people and liked having a single friend and a single enemy and not having to worry about anything else.

Then he met the Miya twins.

He wasn’t sure about Atsumu, he seemed angry and Rintaro didn’t really think that was worth dealing with. He was nice enough when talking though, and he was nice to Hitoshi so Rintaro couldn’t write him off just yet. If he was good enough for Hitoshi to like then Rintaro could put up with some anger issues.

Osamu though, was interesting. He seemed quiet like Hitoshi at first, until Rintaro started poking and prodding with a few quick words about his brother. Instantly he’d started to puff up like an angry bird before Rintaro had added that they could be friends. The bewilderment in his eyes was well worth risking getting punched, in Rintaro’s opinion.

Osamu had settled a lot faster into ‘friendship’ then Rintaro had expected. Most of the other kids still wanted to punch him even after nine months of school, but Osamu genuinely seemed to want to be friends. Even after Rintaro had scared him by fighting with Shigeru.

Secretly, guilt rolled in his stomach about that. He still didn’t understand why Osamu had looked so shaken when Ito-sensei came over to yell at them, it wasn’t like adults didn’t yell all the time. Yet Osamu looked seconds away from tears even after lunch ended and he’d held onto his brother the entire way, only cheering up a little when Shinji started talking to him quietly.

“Hey… Don’t be mean to Osamu or Atsumu…” Rintaro was shaken from his thoughts by Shigeru’s voice, so much softer than he’d ever heard. His rival’s eyes were pointed directly at his brother, looking almost sad.

“Why the hell would-” Rintaro started, anger filling his chest. He wasn’t like his parents, he didn’t just bully people for being sad.

A hand smacked his chest, narrowly avoiding Hitoshi who squeaked quietly before trying to square his shoulders in case another fist fight broke out.

“I’m serious! He’s not like you, okay?” Shigeru hissed, finally turning to look at him. “He’s like me… He’s a foster kid, the other kids are going to find out soon and they’re gonna be mean, real mean. Remember my first week? Me and Shinji didn’t tell anyone but they found out and kept pickin’ on him until I punched ‘em. They’re gonna find out, and I don’t care how long we’ve been friends. If you bully them I’ll punch you too.”

Rintaro froze, glancing over at the two twins talking with Shinji and then back to the silver haired one who had him stuck in the middle of the hall. How long had he and Shigeru been friends? Were they seriously adopted?

After a second, Rintaro realized he was an idiot for not noticing sooner, but it wasn’t like he listened to the other kids and their gossip anyways.

“I’m not going to say anything… I don’t care about that.” Rintaro insisted, glaring back at Shigeru until the other kid finally dropped his hand. “Who cares if they’re adopted? Atleast that means their parents want them.”

“... Sorry, Rin.” Shigeru muttered, gently punching his shoulder with a half smile. Rintaro punched him back and the smile immediately brightened, seconds before an actual blow bounced off his arm and the silver haired rat took off.

Hitoshi immediately wrapped his arms around Rintaro’s left arm, keeping him from running after Shigeru.

“Why’dya always gotta fight with him?” Hitoshi whined, blinking up at him when Rintaro glowered at him. Hitoshi had long since learned that while Rintaro would fight Shigeru any day of the week, he wouldn’t hit anyone else. Which sucked, because now he didn’t care about putting himself between them and Rintaro couldn’t do anything.

“He punched me?” Rintaro whined right back, letting himself be dragged towards the classroom again. “Besides, he likes it.”

“.... Just… Don’t hurt him.” Hitoshi said, squeaking when Rintaro stopped and looked at him with a scrunched up face.

“Ew, don’t tell me you… like Shigeru? Atleast Shinji's pretty, Shigeru’s like… like… a ungly mean creampuff.” 

“Wha- No!” Hitoshi shook his head, looking embarrassed. “I just… Rin-kun… I… Papa hit mama and she left. And if Shigeru leaves then you’re going to be really upset and I’m going to be upset and then I’m going to cry and then Neesan will tell me to shut up and then you’re going to be angry and then I’m going to cry again and-”

“Hitoshi, breathe.” Rintaro reached forward in a panic, smooshing Hitoshi’s cheeks together and the smaller child sucked in a loud breath and let it out again. Directly into Rintaro’s face.

“Ewww, you’re gross… And you didn’t brush your teeth this morning. I can smell nachos from yesterday.” Rintaro pressed his cheeks again. “I won’t hurt Shigeru. Pinky promise.”

He held out his hand and Hitoshi watched him, face still red from his momentary panic before he nodded, reaching and curling their pinkies together.

“Hey! Slowpokes, are ya comin’?” Shigeru’s face came from the class, glancing up at the clock across the room. “You’re going to be late.”

“Don’t close the door!” Hitoshi and Rintaro yelled, running at the room as the bell rang.

“Hey, Osamu,” Rintaro said quietly, offering Shigeru the scissors.

They were separated into groups and Atsumu, Hitoshi, and Shinji had been banished to the other side of the room after Shinji and Shigeru had started to giggle together too loudly. Thankfully both Atsumu and Hitoshi seemed fine with it, beyond a few eyerolls from Atsumu. Rintaro was worried Atsumu or Osamu were going to start crying at being separated again but whatever Shinji had said to them after lunch had apparently helped.

“Mm?” Osamu looked up from his paper, a shredded piece of paper stuck to his cheek. His face was rather blank when his brother wasn’t around, which Rintaro found strangely comforting. Finally he wasn’t the only one with a ‘dead face’ as his mother called it.

“What’s it like bein’ wanted? Y’know by your parents? My parents don’t want me at all, but if you’re adopted, they chose ya right- Ow!” Rintaro spun to glower at Shigeru, whose foot was still against his leg. Shigeru’s face was scrunched up in anger as he glared back, opening his mouth probably to tell Rintaro off.

“I wouldn’t know.” Osamu said, and Rintaro turned back to see him staring at his paper. “No ones ever wanted me. Well, ‘cept ‘Tsumu.”

Rintaro froze, terrified to press for more. He thought Shigeru said Osamu was like him, which would mean that he was adopted right? Or were his parents like Rin’s?

Another kick to his knee was followed by a hissed “Say you’re sorry, jerk! He’s doesn’t have parents yet.”

“S-sorry… I thought you were adopted already.” Rintaro tried to explain, trying to fix the guilt that was crushing his chest. 

“Oh…” Osamu brightened a little at the new information before shaking his head. “No, no, Shinsuke-san is just fostering us, cuz no one wants us…. I do hope he decides to let us stay though… He’s a lot nicer than the other foster parents.”

Rintaro wasn’t sure what to say to that. Though… His parents probably wouldn’t notice a new kid in the house and he knew how to write their signatures…

“I really like Shinsuke-san,” Osamu continued, his voice soft as he glued together two shapes. “He’s really nice and I think he likes us too… And I like going to the shop, ‘cuz it’s pretty and it’s fun to make things with all the ribbons. And I don’t want to lose my friends again when I have to leave.”

Rintaro blinked twice at him before reaching over and hugging him as tightly as he could.

“If anyone tries to send you away, me ‘n Shigeru’ll fight ‘em and you can stay with us.” Rintaro promised. “Pinky promise… Or you can stay with Hitoshi-kun, his Okaasan is super super nice, you just have to watch out for his neesan because she likes to bully people who are shorter than her, but I’ll fight her for you and you can just hang out with his Okaasan.”

Shigeru collapses onto Osamu’s other side, squeezing him between his two new friends.

“And if she can’t take you, I’ll ask Tatay and you can be my new baby brother and Atsumu too and you can be Akira’s big brothers and he’ll hug you for hours and be grumpy about it.” Shigeru laughed, holding tighter and Osamu giggled.

Rintaro watched Osamu melt between them, trying to hug both of them at the same time while laughing. Three more shaped pieces of paper had been glued to his cheeks and a few shreds were on his fingers, transferring themselves to Rintaro. He couldn’t really bring himself to care.

He had two brand new friends now and he was going to protect them just like Hitoshi.

Hitoshi wasn’t a big fan of fighting. It had always scared him, even just watching cartoons on tv when he was a toddler would quickly send him into a crying fit. He remained the same through the first few months of school, crying at any minor argument between the other kids until the school bullies realized he was the easiest to pick on.

It continued until he heard them laughing at Rintaro for using ‘condescending’ towards their history teacher. In a flash of bravery he never saw coming, he’d spun around and told them to shut up.

“You’re dumb, and you’re condescending.” Hitoshi had shouted, bringing everything to a standstill as the awful realization washed over him that he’d yelled at someone who could hit him. He’d been sent to the office for the remainder of class and by the time he’d returned he’d found himself with his first school friend.

He didn’t mind only having one friend. Rintaro was always really nice to him and liked to teach him new words just like Hitoshi’s mom had done before she had to get a second job. He never left Hitoshi alone or ran off with other people and forgot about him and he even got his neesan to stop calling him a baby.

Hitoshi didn’t think Shigeru counted as his friend because he was always messing around with Rintaro but he was nice so Hitoshi didn’t mind it when he came over to play during recess or spent the classes talking with Rintaro. After all, Shigeru might decide Hitoshi was interesting too and then he’d have two friends.

He’d tried to become friends with Shinji, after all the Matsukawa brothers were known as the friendliest in the entire school and the least scary. However, twenty seconds into being handed a fresh muffin from a smiling Shinji for saying hello, Hitoshi had decided he would never talk to him again. The hot face and nervous stomach was not worth a muffin, even if he did think Shinji was very nice. Very very nice.

Rintaro thought his ‘crush’ was funny but Hitoshi honestly just wanted to give Shinji something cool back. Since he didn’t have anything as nice as a fresh muffin, Hitoshi was just going to never talk to Shinji again.

It was foolproof.

Until the new kid, who was also nice but didn’t have muffins, immediately started a conversation with Shinji with absolutely no hesitation or worry. Hitoshi didn’t know what he was more jealous of, the fact that the new kid could make friends so quickly or that he didn’t get super nervous just by looking at Shinji.

Now, he was squished between Shinji and Atsumu in the back corner of the room trying to glue together a bunch of paper shapes to make cards. Part of Hitoshi wondered if this was payback for every time he didn’t stop Rintaro from eating Shigeru’s lunch. 

The gods must have been laughing because as soon as Shinji sat down he was pulling out two slightly squashed cupcakes.

Internally Hitoshi swore he was going straight home today and giving the gods anything they wanted if they stopped torturing him. Instead of saying any of that, he just inclined his head gratefully to Shinji and shoved the cupcake in his mouth before the teacher noticed and told them to put it away.

Atsumu was carefully peeling his and nibbling at the rich pink and white frosting, a giant cat cut out from paper in front of him. Hitoshi took a moment to watch him, curious.

Everyone in school knew Shinji and Shigeru weren’t the Matsukawa’s real kids, but it wasn’t the same thing. They were already adopted, but the Miya twins were actual foster kids and Hitoshi had never met one of them before.

Atsumu didn’t look any different then the other kids, other than the black bruises down the side of his face but Hitoshi barely noticed them. His mom was really clumsy too and used to have bruises all the time too.

He was a little grumpier then Hitoshi thought especially since Shigeru and Shinji were always so happy. Then he thought about it. If he was taken away from his mom he’d be upset and angry too and Atsumu didn’t even have a mom or dad to go home too. 

“What’re you starin’ at me for?” Atsumu grumbled and Hitoshi jumped, squeaking out an apology and shrinking down when he was glared at.

“Atsumu,” Shinji intervened with the talent of someone used to keeping Shigeru from fighting other kids, “he was just looking at you. Hitoshi-kun doesn’t talk much, he was probably just trying to think of something to say… right Hitoshi-kun?”

The urge to run screaming to hide behind Rintaro built in his chest as Hitoshi nodded, trying not to look Shinji in the eye in case he turned into a tomato. That didn’t stop Shinji from smiling as widely as he could at him before turning to Atsumu.

“See? You don’t have to be mean to your friends, Atsumu… and yes, being grumpy at them is mean.” Shinji giggled, endlessly cheerful as Atsumu seemed to sulk slightly in his chair. Hitoshi couldn’t help but be fascinated by him.

He had been so nice at first even if he was really protective of his brother, and now he was grumpy again. Was it because Osamu was having fun without him? Hitoshi’s neesan always had fun without him so he didn’t really see the problem.

“Atsumu-kun,” Hitoshi started, only to squeak as a paper ball struck the back of his head.

Sniggers erupted behind him and Hitoshi sighed, shrinking down slightly. This was why he always tried to group up with Rintaro and Shigeru. No one was going to fight those two just to make him cry.

“Hitoshi-kun?” Atsumu looked confused at his squeak, head tilted almost completely to his shoulder. Shinji on the other hand, already had his eyes narrowed on the group of laughing kids behind them.

“It’s okay, really… Really Shinji-kun, it’s okay.” Hitoshi tried to insist without letting his voice pitch too high. Shinji glanced at him before sighing and offering him the glue stick.

“You know, you should just tell Shigeru,” Shinji said, silver eyes glowing with a surprising amount of hostility, “He’d take care of any bullies.”

“Shigeru-kun would get in trouble for it and it’s not worth getting in trouble for me. I can handle it-” Two more balls smacked against his back, tearing out a small shriek before Hitoshi clamped his hands over his mouth.

The sounds of two chairs being thrown back made the room go silent as both Atsumu and Shinji stood up. There was a moment of silence as everyone else tried to understand what was going on and Hitoshi had to wave his hand frantically to stop Rintaro and Shigeru from rising up.

“Atsumu-kun! Shinji-kun! What are you two doing? Sit back down.” The teacher called from the front, lips twisted in a frown. “Don’t make me have to call your parents, especially you Shinji-kun. You haven’t been listening at all today, its not like you.”

Slowly, they lowered themselves back into their seats. Shinji looked only a little annoyed but Atsumu looked genuinely upset and Hitoshi immediately scooted closer.

“It’s okay, really.” Hitoshi whispered over to him, trying to offer him a crayon. “I’m used to it, don’t get in trouble with the teacher.”

“I don’t care about the teacher, but Shinsuke-san…” Atsumu cut himself off, looking close to tears.

“Shinsuke-san?” Hitoshi prompted, glancing up when Shinji stood up and started making his way to the teacher.

“Shinsuke-san… is my… foster parent.” Atsumu looked away, voice getting softer and softer as if he was embarrassed by what he was saying.

“Is he… mean?” Hitoshi said after a moment of confusion. Atsumu looked up immediately, shaking his head panickedly.

“No! No, Shinsuke-san is really really nice… He’s… He’s the nicest parent I’ve ever had… but foster parents don’t like it when you get into trouble… they say you make them look bad and then they don’t want you anymore… and if… If we do really good then… Shinsuke-san might keep Osamu so… Osamu will have a dad.”

Hitoshi hesitated, trying to think it all over. How could a child make their parents look bad? His mother loved him no matter how bad Hitoshi did in school or if he got in trouble. She’d be upset but she always wanted him, always loved him. 

Suddenly Hitoshi felt terrible for anytime he’d thought about wanting parents like the other kids. At least he had his mom and she’d do anything for him. Osamu and Atsumu didn’t have anyone at all.

“What about you? Why don’t you get to be adopted?” Hitoshi forced the question out, certain he didn’t want to hear the answer. Atsumu looked confused at Hitoshi’s question, like he couldn’t understand why Hitoshi didn’t already know.

“No one wants me, Hitoshi-kun. I’m a bad kid. Kids like me… we just get kicked around until we’re adults then we take care of ourselves. Nobody willingly adopts trouble-makers. But Osamu is a good kid, he listens to all of his elders and eats his vegetables and he’s good at cleaning. He never talks too much and doesn’t trip and get hurt or make too much noise. If he gets adopted then he won’t have to leave, and he can be happy.” Atsumu didn’t seem to see anything wrong with what he said but Hitoshi felt sick.

His mother always told him that there was no such thing as a bad kid, just a misunderstood one. How could anyone tell Atsumu he was bad? He was nice, even if he was grumpy, he just wanted to protect his brother.

He opened his mouth, ready to tell Atsumu that he and his brother could move in when a pencil smacked against his cheek.

He yelped, immediately shielding his eye as his cheek twinged with pain. Atsumu was standing up again, hand closing around Hitoshi’s shirt like he was going to throw Hitoshi behind him.

“No, what about, what about Shinsuke-san?” Hitoshi squeaked and Atsumu froze. Guilt and panic flooded Atsumu’s eyes.

“Sensei, they’re…” Atsumu said, barely catching her attention from Shinji who immediately stopped talking, looking worried. “They’re throwing things at Hitoshi-kun.”

Atsumu seemed to be shaking even as the teacher glanced over at the other group of tables. She sighed, shaking her head at them.

“You and Shinji both today, stop it with the tattling.” The teacher sighed, shaking her head and pointing back at their table. “Finish your cards, I don’t want to hear anything else about this. They’re just paper balls.”

Atsumu looked as sick as Hitoshi felt, watching Shinji walk towards them with stiff shoulders. The sniggers were grating on Hitoshi’s ears as Shinji took his seat, all of their faces bright red after the teacher’s words.

“I’m sorry,” Hitoshi whimpered, tears already starting to leak out of his eyes.

“No, Hitoshi-kun. It’s not your fault.” Shinji reached out, trying to wipe them away but it did nothing to stop the stream. Instead he just hiccuped and sobbed, nodding his head. 

His new friend was getting in trouble because of him and Atsumu looked scared and it was Hitoshi’s fault. Hitoshi got him in trouble and he might get in trouble at home too. Hitoshi just messed up everything, every time, he couldn’t do anything right.

Atsumu reached over, trying to nudge his new friend to break him out of his panic when he hit someone else. He looked up to see the kid sitting behind them that had thrown the pencil. Already Atsumu wanted to smack him to get him away from Hitoshi.

“What are you two doing with this baby? I know your brother likes to hang out with them but I thought you were better than that Shinji-kun.” The other kid said, sneering down at Hitoshi’s choked sobs. “He’s just a baby, he shouldn’t even be in school.”

“Shut up.” Shinji snapped, turning to Hitoshi and dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve. “It’s okay Hitosh-kuni, don’t listen to him. It’s okay.”

“Seriously? He can’t even stop crying.” The kid looked disgusted, turning and shoving Hitoshi out of the chair. “Look he’s just a-”

Whatever he was, he didn’t get to share because Shinji launched himself out of his chair with a string of words that didn’t sound like Japanese. In seconds the other boy was on the ground, the full weight of the older student on him and holding him down.

Atsumu didn’t even think, moving to Hitoshi’s side and pulling him up to his feet before standing in front of him, arms out in case anyone else tried to hit him.

“Shinji! Atsumu! What are you two doing?” The teacher yelled and Atsumu’s heart sank.

Shinsuke was going to be so upset with him.

Akagi had known Kita Shinsuke since their first year of middle school. Since the moment the kid had taken the watch Akagi had stolen from the middle school bully and put it back in the bully’s bag and sat by passively as the teacher admonished the bully for lying about thieves.

“You shouldn’t have stolen it… But he shouldn’t have broken Yuna-chan’s nose.” Shinsuke had said and Akagi had refused to leave his side ever since.

He’d met Ojiro Aran on the first day of highschool with a spike to the face and he’d never made a friend faster.

He’d grown up with them and watched his team spread apart.

Akagi never worried for Aran. Aran knew where he was going and absolutely no one would ever stop him. Until he basically dropped off the map three years ago.

Sure, Akagi knew he was actually just in France and he was still playing at the top. Yet, even Akagi who spent his days travelling over the entire world freelance saw their friends more than he did. For three years Akagi only saw him once a year, still happy, still healthy, but so far away.

Oomimi, of course, was never someone anyone had to worry about. He was the only one Akagi knew should actually be trusted to be an adult, because even after having the title for ten years Akagi knew he wasn’t an adult. He’d chosen to become a social worker, helping children and trying to battle against the system to protect them.

He always left a key for Akagi and never minded a visit. He always checked up on Shinsuke and kept updates on Aran as best as he could between the man’s erratic texting skills.

Shinsuke, however, Shinsuke always worried Akagi.

Not because he wasn’t mature, no, no, he was the most emotionally aware and probably the strongest person Akagi had ever met. Sometimes, though, Shinsuke would get trapped in his own mind without realizing it. 

He always had his routines, the way he’d clean the bathrooms at exactly 2:58 until 3:13 then move to the locker rooms and change in precisely three minutes. He’d stretch for ten minutes, run four laps and stretch for another three. Then serves, then blocking, then receives. Everything was planned and ordered and any deviation would scratch at him like an itch until he either broke or fixed his schedule.

Shinsuke’d become more tolerant of mishaps in his routine as he got older, no longer completely breaking down when not able to finish something properly. He’d insisted that he learn how to handle it, refusing to lose even a second of his life to panic.

He was doing well, Akagi knew it. He adapted to the changing schedules of his employees, making his own routine in little things. Getting up, cleaning the house, visiting the shop, leaving for the gym, evening reading. The foster kids helped, keeping him on his toes and away from a routine set in stone while he still got to encourage and help them.

Shinsuke always loved kids after all, and he’d been so excited to take after not only his Grandmother but his late parents’ old wedding shop. Then he’d quit being assigned foster kids, not through any fault of his but there just wasn’t as many in their area and the government wasn’t in the habit of shipping kids across prefectures over and over again.

Shinsuke had fallen into old habits. Every part of his day was perfectly planned out, even to the point of letting him craft a ‘plan’ for the next few years that panicked him to deviate from. Though he adjusted better than Akagi thought he would with the twins, he could still see the way it picked at him not being able to follow his routine.

He could see it in the way Shinsuke twitched toward the door before he’d remember he had promised to show Osamu how to make pancakes. The way his breath would catch when he saw the time and would shift to look away. Even the constant tapping of his fingers gave him away, the itch that burrowed in his mind and was driving him subtly insane.

The adoration for the twins was holding back the worst of the reactions but Akagi knew Shinsuke would start to crack soon if he couldn’t get it out. If he didn’t face it head on and start adjusting his ‘plan’ accordingly.

Akagi knew his best friend far too well. He saw the way Shinsuke had grown too attached to the boys, his endless pride for each tiny step in the right direction, the way he shifted his routine to try and welcome them regardless of the internal consequences. Yet Shinsuke insisted he was going to let them go and find them a ‘proper’ home as if they couldn’t all see how much Shinsuke loved them. He would hold to that ‘plan’ until he was torn apart.

Which was why Akagi had harassed Tooru into helping him. Tooru hadn’t been the most willing, as loyal to their boss as everyone else in the shop but he also was the most stubborn. Once he heard about Shinsuke refusing to take a day off, he’d immediately jumped on board and promised to keep Shinsuke out of the shop. Then Akagi told a white lie to Oomimi and waited until he knew Shinsuke was going stir crazy after a too long set routine of constant mental and physical stimulation and told Oomimi to call him and ask him where he was.

Akagi hadn’t planned on Aran taking such advantage of the chance to hold Shinsuke, much less straight up hold his hand, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Even now, as he skated toward the rink wall, he could see them sitting together with Shinsuke’s head on his shoulder as they talked.

“If they find out you’re trying to set them up, you’ll be in trouble.” Oomimi hummed, offering him a water bottle. The tall social worker didn’t seem bothered by Akagi’s tricks, but he’d also known Akagi was going to try and shove Aran and Shinsuke together from the moment Aran was back in town.

“It’s okay, Oomimi-kun will protect me.” Akagi laughed, fluttering his eyes at the bored look in Oomimi’s eyes. “Besides, they’re so busy just starin’ at each other they wouldn’t notice if I stripped naked.”

Oomimi froze, eyes narrowed before he relaxed again when he realized Akagi meant it only as a joke.

“Why do you care anyways? You don’t even believe in romance.” Oomimi sighed, taking back the water bottle and putting it on the bench behind him. He glanced back at the two, watching their lips curve up in identical smiles neither party aware of it. Much more and Oomimi was going to have to interrupt to tell them to either kiss or stop looking at each other like that.

“I don’t not believe in romance,” Akagi said, flicking his hand dismissively, “I just think most people chase after it thinking it’s this great feeling. Then they give up as soon as it goes away. I find it shallow and honestly boring, makes me glad I don’t have to deal with it. But…”

His eyes traveled to the two talking, the light pink on Shinsuke’s cheeks and the laughter coming from Aran. In over fourteen years, he’d never seen them look at anyone else like they looked at each other. They just molded together perfectly, enhancing every moment and supporting each other endlessly. Theirs was the only romantic story that could ever make Akagi wonder what it would be like if he felt the same romantic feelings they did.

“They make each other happy. Even just being friends, they’re really happy. They know each other even after being apart, ‘Mimi. They know how to keep each other stable and they deserve to have that. They’re just both dumb. Aran’s stuck in his own world of ‘someone like Shinsuke could never love me, because I’m a big dumb gay baby’ and Shinsuke’s stuck in this world of ‘If I didn’t put it in the plan it’s not happening and I will fight the gods for my right to fuck up my own life.’ I love them so much.”

Oomimi snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Michinari. Stop bullying them.”

“Ren, make me.” Akagi stuck out his tongue and Oomimi rolled his eyes, reaching out to flick his nose.

“They’ll figure it out. You don’t have to push them together, they’re adults now.” Oomimi looked rather amused, leaning against the skating wall. “Trust me. Everything’s going to be just fine.”

“... You sound a little bit too certain of that.” Akagi narrowed his eyes at his best friend, gasping at the curve of his mouth moving up. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know what you mean… But I will tell you that you should buy a house if Shinsuke doesn’t decide to adopt the boys in two weeks because Aran still lives in an apartment and I’ve got so many paperwork packets that just need signatures.”

“So… If Shinsuke doesn’t adopt the boys… I get to adopt them.” Akagi gasped, amusement flooding through him as Oomimi seemed to immediately regret what he’d said.

“On the other hand, I can buy a house and just give it to Aran, it’s fine.”

“What! No, no I want the boys. Give me the twins, I pinky promise I’ll only teach them a few bad words.” Akagi whined, squawking when another voice cut in.

“You will not be teaching the boys any bad words.” Shinsuke was half wrapped around Aran’s arm, still slipping even on the rubber mats. He looked only mildly annoyed in the turn of his lips, his gaze bright with amusement and Akagi cackled softly.

Aran looked as soft as ever, easily carrying Shinsuke’s weight and looking at his two other friends. He still had a tinge of dark blush over his cheeks and Akagi had to admit he was cute, no wonder so many people had confessed to him senior year.

“Hey, Aran, marry me and we’ll steal Kita’s kids.” Akagi chirped, laughing even louder when Aran face palmed.

“I’m not marrying you to adopt the twins, I’ll just adopt them on my own.” Aran said, ignoring Akagi’s dramatic gasp.

“Don’t touch my kids… Don’t let him touch my kids. Osamu doesn’t need to know any bad words, he’d like them far too much.” Shinsuke said, looking at Oomimi before stepping towards the ice carefully.

Akagi held his breath, hoping to hear him squeak or yelp but he got nothing. How boring, his friends were so inconsiderate to not help him out and give him something to laugh at them for.

Aran held him carefully until he was sure Shinsuke wouldn’t fall, then stepped after him. Akagi yowled as an arm wrapped around his neck and tucked him into a firm chest, then he relaxed, sticking his tongue up at Aran.

“C’mon Ren. You can watch me fall.” Shinsuke teased, holding his hand out to Oomimi who sighed dramatically before skating over to Shinsuke’s side and taking his hand.

“If we go down, we’re taking them with us.” Oomimi told Shinsuke who nodded and tightened his hold on Aran.

“Oh I plan too.”

Aran’s complaint made them all laugh and Akagi relaxed into his friend's hold. Aran shook his head at Shinsuke, eyes gentle and adoring as he looked down at his best friend. Akagi took the first step forward, dragging them all forward. Oomimi was right, they would be just fine. All of them.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hi! ✨ idk if requests are open but if they are: joker is hurt real badly at work and his composure slips the closer he gets to the apartment. you hurry to stitch him up/calm him down but what he’s not telling you is he’s SO upset cuz he saw a woman who reminded him of you getting attacked in the street tonight + he realized he really doesn’t wanna lose you

Omgggg I’m so excited to write this one, as soon as I saw it I knew what to write! I truly believe that Joker would love you even harder than Arthur did, he’d basically be Arthur x 1000000 with you, and an event like this would hammer it all home for him. As such, I’ve done my best to not make this out of character - if I have, please let me know so I can re-write! @rebs-doom and I discussed this a little so I took inspiration from there. Please check out her blog if you have the time to, her writing is just incredible and I love her so much!!!!!

Okay so TW; blood mentions, injured!Joker, reader stitches him up, angst (but also fluff bc I refuse to hurt our boi), Joker dissociates, pain induced confessions which aren’t actually confessions because he doesn’t say anything? That sounded weird but if you read it you’ll know what I’m talking about. Also swearing, obviously. And I have no medical knowledge whatsoever but I don’t care. So please forgive any inaccuracies!

Arthur Fleck/Joker:  @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @mapreza1 @insomniabird @mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek  @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @rebs-doom @vivft @help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @that-s-life @dopey-girl-blogs @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox

Word count: 2, 718

Your relaxed plans for the evening were immediately cancelled when Joker almost fell through the front door. He slammed it shut, and you stood up in a panic. There were riots all over the news, talks of gunshots from unknown locations, talks of people getting beaten up and trampled over, the city was on fire yet again and you wondered how long it would be before Joker was able to get proper control over his newfound calling in life.

Your eyes roamed over his form and your heart stopped dead when you saw that, even with his makeup flaking and his skin coming through, he was pale. He was as white as a sheet and clutching his arm. There was blood splattered all over his once yellow waistcoat and you were grateful in that moment that his suit was mostly red; it would make hiding the stains so much easier. You could see straight away that most of the blood on him was his.

You fought back the sudden intense wave of nausea and hurried over to Joker, wrapping a guiding arm around him and leading him over to the sofa. You sat him down gently, quietly, and watched him for just a second. He wasn’t looking at you. No, he was looking through you. His eyes were glazed over with pain, emotionally and physically, his skin still had that ghostly pale pallor, and he was shaking like a leaf. His bottom lip was trembling and you could see how hard he was fighting himself. What the actual fuck had happened to him? Gone was the confident Joker you were used to. In his place was Arthur Fleck, and it broke your heart to see him in so much pain.

Hurriedly did you gather all the supplies from the bathroom that you would need. You didn’t know yet what kind of an injury he had obtained on his arm, but based on his physical signs of his distress and all that blood, it was bad. Knowing from experience that when Joker dissociated, you weren’t even going to be able to ask him to move or to help you, you tenderly removed his jacket, wincing to yourself when his facial expression showed no change but his eyes, oh his eyes were overflowed with tears, which steadily dripped down his face, removing the makeup which stubbornly clung to his skin. He looked a complete mess. Even his vibrant green hair was deflated and sticking to his skin, which had a light sheen of sweat on it. You had never seen him like this and you found yourself wishing that this was all just a nightmare. A really real nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. You forced yourself to concentrate, to think. Now wasn’t the time for you to tap out of reality, either.

As his jacket slid off his body, the rich material getting stuck to the place where the blood was the worst, you gasped in horror. He had been grazed by a bullet or something similar, and the wound was leaking blood at an alarming rate. Could someone bleed out from an arm injury? You thought so, but you weren’t entirely sure. You had no medical knowledge at all beyond the most basic first aid. Quickly did you check the sight for any bullet. Nothing. It was a clean wound in that respect, at least. Still, it would leave a massive scar. Joker had always cared little for how his body looked and though his mind was riddled with scars which had never properly healed, his body was, at least on the surface, completely unblemished at the present time. He hadn’t taken a beating in months, for which you were immensely grateful. You had been happy when he had finally decided to start standing up for himself.

Your first priority was to clean the wound, and then you could bandage it. After that, you could focus on your true problem: getting Joker out of his own head and back with you. You had pulled him out of dissociation numerous times with some difficulty, but you had never seen him this bad, even when he was Arthur. Something had scared him, really scared him, and for Joker that was unprecedented; so laid back he was almost horizontal was he. While you worked, you spoke to him. You kept your voice low and calm, your tone as soothing as you could despite how much you wanted to break down and cry. You stroked his damp, matted hair, kissed his forehead, and you kept talking to him. You made him as aware as you could that you were there with him, that you were real, and that you were taking good care of him. He was safe with you.

When at last his wound was clean and bandaged, and you had cleared away the towels and the flannel you had used, and everything looked like before he had come home, you worked on undressing him. Joker would need to be as comfortable as possible in his body, even with the amount of pain he was in, before you could draw him out of himself. If he came to with something still remaining of the evening’s events, he would stay inside his own head. It was a delicate procedure and you didn’t even know if you were doing any of this right, but you had to try. You just had to try. Joker would appreciate your efforts more than anything else.

You left him shirtless but pulled up those electric blue trousers that were almost comically baggy up his legs. You brushed his hair gently and kept kissing parts of his face, his neck. You washed his face with a flannel using hot soapy water. You were so, so gentle and so tender and you were still feeling beside yourself with how his tears kept flowing, his bottom lip kept trembling, and still he didn’t talk. He only blinked occasionally and kept breathing at a regular rate. His heart rate was fine, too. Physically, Joker would heal.

Mentally?

You had to find out what had happened first. The question was - how? With patience and persistence, was the whispered answer. You shoved it away.

You sat beside him on the sofa, your entire body turned towards him. You were watching his every move, his every breath. You were waiting for a chance to get him back home to you.

You waited for maybe another half an hour before Joker blinked once, twice, three times, four and - a deep breath which moved his entire body. There he was. At last. Tears began to pour faster down his face and you leaned forward and kissed his forehead, holding your lips there as you just breathed him in. You were so heavily relieved that your heart was pounding.

A broken sob. You pulled away from him and pressed your lips together to keep yourself from crying. It didn’t work. Your tears mingled with his as they rained down upon his lap, so close together were you and he.

“Arthur?” You smiled gently at him, your eyes holding his. You only ever called him that when you needed to comfort him, when it was imperative that he knew how safe he was. You saved it for the occasions in which you needed his true name, and as such the effect was almost immediate as the familiar name sunk deep inside his ears, touching his brain gently. You followed his gaze every time he looked away from you, and he blinked again. A slow, careful hand came up and into the air as he reached towards you. You stayed so still, refusing to even breathe, and as his hand touched your face, he gasped lightly and wrenched his hand back.

“Y- Y/N. Are you real?”

You smiled, crying just as hard as he was. “Yes. I’m here, darling. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”

Joker bowed his head and leaned forward so that he could rest his forehead against your shoulder. He cried noisily, like a small child, and you wrapped your arms around him and just held him. You held him tightly, rubbing his back, kissing the top of his head, your stomach and mind sick with worry as that familiar question kept circling around and around in your head like a destructive hurricane:

What the fuck happened tonight?

Slowly did a hand leave Joker’s lap and come up to touch your face. He was checking to see if you were real and it only added to your distress. You didn’t know how much more you could take of this tonight, so mentally taxed were you. His hand followed the curve of your cheek and you pressed a kiss to your palm. His bloodshot green eyes met yours and your heart shattered all over again when tears continued to fall. That question was still in your head, and now it was on the very tip of your tongue. You couldn’t speak. The answer to your very significant question was written all over his face. It was in his eyes and all at once the horrifying truth slammed into you like a truck. It left you breathless and now your fear was his fear. You had always suffered together as a couple, and just because he was Joker now, that didn’t make it any less true. You felt each other’s emotions like they were your own.

You saw the blood on his clothes, which were now in the bath soaking in cold water. You saw the haunted expression on his face when he had crashed through the door. You felt the way he was still gripping you to him, even now, like he was protecting you from an invisible danger. Pieces of the devastating puzzle all clicked into place and at last, at last, you understood.

Someone who looked like you had been attacked tonight. Joker had seen it and it had distracted him in his overwhelming fear, which had resulted in his injury. His physical injury, a bullet graze, was nothing compared to the eternal mental anguish if he were to ever lose you. Only then, should such a thing ever happen, would Arthur Fleck truly go off the rails.

If such a thing were possible, your every emotion in this moment increased. The room became so much brighter, poorly illuminated though it was with lamps which desperately needed a bulb change but you couldn’t afford it right now, your heart began to roar through your head as though your blood was singing its way around your body, your grip around Joker and his around you grew tighter, until it felt as though you would become one physical body. Everything became clearer, more succinct. Mental clarity came to you and you saw Arthur Fleck. Just like you always had and you always would. Gotham had forgotten about him, it had cruelly abandoned him to a life of abuse of the worst kinds, given him back to his abusive mother and more, but you had never thought him invisible or unimportant. No. Since the day you had met had Arthur been a prominent figure in your life. That would never change.

Joker had found his own truth this night. He had always known just how deeply his love ran for you. He had always known how devoted and loyal he was to you, how much you meant to him and how much he didn’t want to lose you. But now, tonight, when he had seen someone who looked just like you getting violently attacked and lost in the crowd, he had come to know his truth. It had shocked him right down to his core, which was still kind and good and soft, and it had made him retreat inside his own damaged mind; his perceived reality was once more scarier than the infamous and familiar demons in his own head.

He was so fucking terrified of losing you that the mere thought of it had sent him spiralling into a dissociative state that you nearly hadn’t been able to pull him out of. A tsunami of love crashed over you, drowning your shores, and you were lost as your grip on what you had thought to be real faltered. You were the luckiest person on the entire fucking planet and you knew it.

Joker’s palm was still on your cheek, warming you from the outside. He still felt hazy, like he was watching himself through a television screen, but he was coherent enough to be able to see the exact moment you figured him out. His mind was so complex even he didn’t understand it, never mind the supposed professionals he had always been made to see (and a fat lot of good they were) but you had taken the time to try, and you had come to see him. You always did, in the end, no matter how long it took. Your innate understanding of Arthur had always meant the absolute world to him, and he had always made the effort to use his own intuition to see you just as clearly. It was one of your many strengths as a couple. Your continued joint willingness to try was one of your favourite things about your relationship. Anything could happen when you just tried.

Slowly did he lean in to press his lips to yours. Bare faced, his hair slicked back and his eyes shining with a galaxy that, even with its immeasurable size couldn’t quite quantify his love for you, he looked like Arthur. He was Arthur and sometimes you had to take care to remind yourself of the fact that no matter what, Arthur was still himself at his core. He hadn’t changed his truest, most genuine self. He had only grown into it, succumbed to it. You kissed him gently, trying to comfort him without words. Touch was the best way to affirm that you weren’t a delusion, that you were real and he was real and that you were in love and together.

“I was so scared,” He whispered against your lips, tears running anew down both of your faces. “I had to come home as quickly as I could just to see. If I lost you, I’d die - “ His hands, shaking, cupped your face as he fought with himself for control. You were both fine. His injury would heal and in the morning this would all seem like a bad dream, but in the moment he could only let himself feel with the liberation that Joker embodied. 

He was exhausted and you could see it. With steady motions did you stand up, taking Joker with you. You didn’t let your skin leave his for even a second. You took him to the bedroom and the two of you got comfortable in the bed. The mattress protested, the springs creaked and bounced back into place as you moved, but for once your economical situation didn’t even occur to you. You didn’t give a flying fuck about anything but Joker right now. He laid facing you, his legs tucked up so he was in the foetal position. His arms were wrapped around your waist and his face was buried in your stomach as he allowed himself to cry it all out. Crying really did make people feel better. It restored the chemicals in the brain which were unbalanced. It left people tired, though, and you were really tired too, so taking him to bed had been your only option. You weren’t physically strong enough to move him to the bed if he fell asleep on you.

You held him, there was nothing you could do or say to assuage his very real and palpable fear that either of you could one day lose the other from a reason entirely out of your control, and pressed kisses to whichever parts of him you could reach. You remained quiet, letting him express himself, and when he was finally done sobbing, you wiped his tears away and kissed him as tenderly as you could, biting back your own emotions as you had been since he had come home.

Only when Joker was definitely asleep did you allow yourself the luxury of crying. 

I’m actually crying now. Someone send help.

EDIT: PART TWO

[krokonoko]

got tagged by the amazing @ssjumi!

Fanfic Writer Game

How would you describe your fanfic style?

Fuck if I know to be honest. I’d say pretty descriptive? I’m very concerned with pacing, establishing and not rushing things. There’s a lot of focus on the proper beats of actions and dialogue. I’m pretty good at setting a mood, or a certain atmosphere. Other than that I like to think that my style is relatively direct and pragmatic. There is not much philosophizing or ornamentation going on.

Most people tell me my writing style is kinda scenic, and that reading my stories is a bit like watching a movie or a show. 

What tropes would you never use?

I rarely write anything that’s just happy with little to no conflict whatsoever. Not that there’s anything wrong with these kinda stories, but I’m not interested in reading or writing them. There is little emotional openness in my fics. Almost everyone will be emotionally stunted in one way or another, or have hangups they’re not willing to talk about. Ppl openly communicating their actual feelings and talking them through can be good stuff, and it’s cool that a lot of people like it, but it’s rarely something I enjoy. My favorite thing to write are characters that aren’t even aware of the problems they’re having, or live in denial about them.

Another thing you’ll rarely see me produce is stories in which the power dynamics are absolutely clear 100% of the time. While I absolutely adore power play, or maybe because of that, I usually don’t enjoy a character being absolutely in control all the time, just as much as I dislike a character being nothing but demure or a punching bag. There always has to be a twist in there, an unforeseen way in which the seemingly outgunned character gets the upper hand, if only just a little bit. There has to be some form of push and pull there, or else I quickly lose interest.

What tropes do you ALWAYS use? 

I rarely write anything that doesn’t contain some form of violence. And in turn, there’s always some focus on the vulnerability resulting from that.

I am very into angst and poetic justice, characters getting lost in or even turned on by situations that are absolutely terrible for them but that they are too proud or unwilling to free themselves from, and just. all that dirtybadwrong toxic stuff the 🐜s warned u about.

Where do you write?

AO3 mostly. Still got a couple of my German fics up on Animexx lmao. I also posted some fics only on here, but that’s usually just the really short ficlets.

How many names do you write under? Why? 

I changed my AO3 name to Rrismo earlier this year cuz of the stuff I got on there. I was scared ppl would come for my ass over it. But then I realized that at least in this fandom, nobody who matters gives a damn 💕 

Coulda changed my AO3 nick back, but tbh I like Rrismo way more than I like krokorobin. Unfortunately, I can’t really change the latter cuz that’s what it says on all my fanart and that’s the name most people know me as, so I guess I’m stuck with krokorobin for now lmao

What’s your usual rating level? 

It used to be Gen/Teen all the way, man! But than BCS happened and suddenly p much everything I post is M/E, either for the level of violence or the sexual content orz

First fandom you wrote for? 

Pokemon, back when I was about 10yo! Just, not about the actual Pokemon characters. I used to write half a dozen fics that were about various OCs or self-inserts going on Pokemon journeys together! Good times.

How long did you read fics before you started writing them?

Didn’t take long after I discovered Bisafans. Back then, they had a fanfic archive that was full of exactly these kinda fanfics, just people writing about themselves and their Pokemon journeys, and I loved that so much that I pretty much immediately started working on my own!

Do you usually write chapter fics or one shots? 

Oneshots. It’s not that I don’t like writing multi-chapters, but the commitment is very scary to my poor ADHD ass (another problem is the fact that I rarely get invested in concepts enough to commit more than three days to writing about it. The kinda stuff I do wanna write multichapters about is often kind of. Unusual. Like Amnesia kidfic or Lacho time loop AU orz).

Your fandoms: 

Better Call Saul atm! I don’t think I’ve written this much fanfic for a fandom since... I don’t know, my hayday in the Yugioh fandom? The only other fandoms I’ve written more than one fic for throughout the past ten years are Collateral and Amnesia.

tagging: ....as always I’m late to the party, so I think everyone I know who writes has already been tagged? If you haven’t, please feel tagged now!

[calpalirwin]

Phone Screens

Summary: Online relationships don’t make the feelings any less real

A/N: Wanted to try my hand at a dialogue heavy piece. Let me know how I did.

Content: Friends to lovers? I dunno.

Word Count: 3.3k

And away, and away we go!

__

drumming_heartbeats: Hey…

jetblackrose: Hi!

drumming_heartbeats: Saw your post about how you met Ashton. That musta been cool, yeah?

jetblackrose: Oh, it was hella cool! I was like super fuckin nervous and he was so chill about it. Honestly probably shouldn’t have fangirled as hard as I did lol. 

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why do you say that?

jetblackrose: I’ve only been a fan for like less than a year lol. I know people have been a fan for years and still haven’t gotten the chance to meet him, or any of the other members so yeah. Feel like I haven’t done my time yet or something. It’s stupid.

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not stupid. That’s actually really cool. Your picture with him is fucking adorable btw.

jetblackrose: Aw thanks, lovely! How’d you become a 5sos fan? Assuming you are one?

drumming_heartbeats: Lol! My friend got me into them. But yeah, been a fan for awhile. I’m Tom btw. 

jetblackrose: Ooo a boy fan! Sick! Nice to meet ya Tom. I’m Gen. 

drumming_heartbeats: Shocking I know, but us guy fans do exist, lol. So I take it from the looks of your blog Ash is your favorite?

jetblackrose: I mean… I love them all equally for different reasons. But yeah, Ash is my fav. Something about that cheeky lil grin he does. And he’s so… I dunno, more mindful than the rest? Like they’re all dorks, don’t get me wrong. But he also gives off an old soul vibe I really connect with too if that makes sense. 

jetblackrose: Lol, sorry for rambling. 

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, it’s cute. And I totally get it. He definitely does seem to have that wisdom that comes from going through some heavy shit. 

jetblackrose: Rightfully so. I mean, he seems pretty open about the shit he’s gone through. And the fact that it’s only seemed to make him a kinder person is part of why I love him so much. 

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah. Like it’s very easy to let the demons win and give into the bitterness of it all. But he seems like a happy dude, so good for him. 

jetblackrose: Good for him indeed! Like all I want in life is for that man to be happy. Like, we all deserve that, but him especially. God, that sounds dumb doesn’t it? That I can feel so attached to someone I maybe talked to for like 5 minutes. Like I know realistically he will probably never recall our encounter or think twice about it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish him happiness all the same I suppose. Sorry… rambling again. 

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not dumb at all. If anything I think it shows how caring of a person you are. Which the world could use a lot more of.

jetblackrose: Lol, thanks! You’re sweet to think that. But it’s definitely dumb lol. 

drumming_heartbeats: Not even the slightest. Fuck, I’m about to pass out. Talk later?

jetblackrose: You know where to find me. Night-o!

~~~

jetblackrose: Hey, Tom?

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah?

jetblackrose: Probably a dumb question but where do you live? I feel like I keep you up hella late. 

drumming_heartbeats: I live in LA.

jetblackrose: Shit, no way?!

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, lol. I mean, I travel a lot for work but yeah. LA’s home. 

jetblackrose: Oh that’s awesome! Are you traveling now?

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, I’m home for the time being. Resting up. Gonna be a busy year.

jetblackrose: Yeah? Hopefully good busy.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, yeah. It’s always good busy. Hey, did you see the new stuff 5sos put up?

jetblackrose: Yes! Holy shit! Are they TRYING to kill their fans or what?!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao right? Like fuck, bruh…

jetblackrose: More like fuck me please, lmao! Quick question! And you don’t have to answer if this is way too personal. But are you gay?

drumming_heartbeats: No? I mean, I don’t have a fragile male ego. I can freely admit that men are handsome. But I’m not like… I dunno. If anything I’d probably say I’m bi. I just… labels are confusing.

jetblackrose: Yeah, I feel you on that. Like I just love who I love. I don’t feel the need to explain it much beyond that.

drumming_heartbeats: Exactly! I mean, but I’ve only ever had female partners so… the assumption is straight I suppose.

jetblackrose: I’ve only had male partners. Well, I’ve kissed girls. But I’ve only ever dated dudes.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, I bet your bf loves that, huh?

jetblackrose: I wouldn’t know. I frequently had my attraction to women from the dudes I date so I don’t get the creeps.

drumming_heartbeats: So no bf…?

jetblackrose: Lol, that’s what you get out of that? You’re such a dude! But nope. No bf.

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, that sucks.

jetblackrose: Why do you have a gf?

drumming_heartbeats: No. I did. But we broke up like a few months ago.

jetblackrose: Aw, sorry to hear that.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, I think you’re the first person to say that. Normally people are sorry to hear I’m IN a relationship, not out of one.

jetblackrose: Wtf? That’s so dumb, lol. You’re my friend, Tom. I want you to be happy.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, I’m your friend?

jetblackrose: Yes…? I mean, we’ve talked all day every day for like what? A month? I swear I talk more with you than my real life friends lol.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, that’s so cute! You’re my friend too, btw. If that wasn’t obvious. I really like talking with you.

jetblackrose: I really like talking with you too! Like, I know it’s probably really stupid to say, but I never really got how people can become friends online. Like how can you feel connected to someone you never actually met, you know? But talking with you, I get it. I’m glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, Gen baby, you’re gonna make me blush! That’s so fuckin’ cute. I’m glad I messaged you too. You feel more real to me than the friends I actually see lol.

jetblackrose: Looks like we’re both gonna make the other blush… Dude! Honestly, I think it’s because we can only talk. Like, we can’t actually see each other, so we have to rely on these messages. And it’s a lot easier for me to not be shy when I message someone. Because I can delete what sounds stupid!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao! Nothing you say could ever be stupid.

jetblackrose: You say that now… Trust me though, in person I’m a fuckin nervous idiot. Like I talk too fast or not at all.

drumming_heartbeats: I bet you’re fuckin cute in person.

jetblackrose: Lmao, are you hitting on me?

drumming_heartbeats: Too much?

jetblackrose: Nah, lol. I don’t scare easy. I just bet you’re way cuter.

drumming_heartbeats: Not even! Have you SEEN your face?

jetblackrose: You mean this face? *picture*

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, baby!

jetblackrose: Fuck… is it really dumb of me to like you calling me “baby” so much?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean… I don’t think so? Like, I would hope it doesn’t bother you.

jetblackrose: No, it doesn’t bother me. I like it.

drumming_heartbeats: Cool! Cuz I like calling you that.

~~~

drumming_heartbeats: Is this your king? *picture*

jetblackrose: My brain literally went “oh daddy”... I DON”T EVEN HAVE A DADDY KINK! Ashton Irwin is going to be the death of me, watch. On my tombstone it’ll read “Gen. Killed by Ash’s hotness”

drumming_heartbeats: Omg lol!

jetblackrose: Too dramatic?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean…? Maybe?

jetblackrose: Maybe? Nah. What would be dramatic would be me saying how badly I want those arms of his wrapped around me. Like cuddling me. Choking me. I don’t even care. But those hands? I needs them on me!

drumming_heartbeats: You’re right. That would be dramatic lol.

jetblackrose: Like fuck… I bet those are the most restless set of hands. Like he’s a drummer. So like he’s probably constantly moving his fingers. Is it too much to ask that he moves those fingers across my skin? Like… bruh…

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, I love you dude.

jetblackrose: You what…?

drumming_heartbeats: Shit… I mean like… uh…

jetblackrose: Tom, relax. I love you too.

drumming_heartbeats: Shit, for real?

jetblackrose: Yeah. And… that kinda scares me? Like I don’t actually know you. I mean, I know you. We’ve talked every day for the past 3 months. But… I didn’t think I could ever feel this strongly for someone I’ve never physically met. Like, granted, it’s a very strong friendship love. But, I… I dunno if I should admit this… fuck it. I think I could actually love you. Like in a romantic way. Hell, I think I already do.

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, you’re the fuckin cutest!

jetblackrose: I promise I’m not lol. I just… fuck dude, I dunno. I just love you, alright? And it fuckin blows my mind that we live in the same area basically and haven’t met. Because I really wanna fuckin meet you. But also not. Cuz like I don’t want to ruin this. And that’s such a fuckin cop out response. But like I am genuinely terrified that if we met you won’t like what you see.

drumming_heartbeats: Why wouldn’t I like what I see?

jetblackrose: Because I can send you a message without stuttering like a damn fool. I can stare at my phone until I find the perfect way to phrase things. I can’t do that in person. In person I’ll probably just stare blankly at you and make weird sounds.

drumming_heartbeats: I would still love you, Gen. I’m not much better. I’m probably worse lmao.

jetblackrose: You’re sweet to say that. But I’m a very what you see if what you get type. I’m either hyper, loud, and obnoxious or I’m closed off and shy. I fluctuate from wanting to go on all the adventures to wanting to stay curled up in bed all day. It’s why I end up with failed relationships. No one can handle the wild mood swings. Which is fine. I get it. It sucks. But I get wanting a partner who can navigate middle ground.

drumming_heartbeats: Well all those guys are idiots because that sounds fuckin perfect to me. Like I’m a busy guy. And as much as I’m down for adventures, I’m also down to just do fuckin nothing. Like just being with the girl is good enough, you get me? An adventure can be as easy as building a fort and watching movies all day.

jetblackrose: YES! Like fuck, that’s all I want. Someone who gets it. Someone like you.

drumming_heartbeats: Good thing you have me then.

jetblackrose: Good fuckin thing indeed! God, I’m so glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Me too.

~~~

jetblackrose: Fuck, I’m so stressed!

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, what’s wrong baby?

jetblackrose: Just lack of motivation. Like I need a mental health day. Only there’s too much to do that I can’t actually do that. Like if I could pause time, that’d be fuckin great.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, sorry baby.

jetblackrose: It’s my own dumb fault. I know I have to get stuff done and I just… feel so uninspired I guess? Like I don’t want to do work. I want to do things that bring me joy.

drumming_heartbeats: Like Ashton lmao?

jetblackrose: Haha, very funny. But yes. And no. Like fuck I just wanna talk with you all day and bingewatch tv shows.

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, I get that. But you’ll get through this. You’re strong. Love you, baby.

jetblackrose: Aw! I love you too, baby! Fuck, I can’t wait for my vacation in a few weeks.

drumming_heartbeats: Going anywhere or just like a good chunk of time off from responsibilities?

jetblackrose: Just a good chunk of time off. If I go anywhere it’ll probably just be around here. See some friends. Maybe go to the beach to get some use of the new swimsuit I bought.

drumming_heartbeats: I’m your friend. Can you see me?

jetblackrose: You wanna see me? You want to experience all this awkward in real time? Are you feeling okay?

drumming_heartbeats: I’m serious lol. Why not? We’ve been friends for how long now?

jetblackrose: Like 6 months? Holy shit.

drumming_heartbeats: So is that a yes? Can we meet?

jetblackrose: I thought you’re traveling for work?

drumming_heartbeats: My job is sending me off in spurts lol. Like I’m actually coming home this week. And then I’ll be home for like a month.

jetblackrose: And you want to see me on your time off?

drumming_heartbeats: Why not? Don’t you want to meet me?

jetblackrose: Of course I want to meet you Tom! I love you, you goof. But I’m nervous.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why?

jetblackrose: Because I love you this much with having never seen your face or heard your voice. I don’t want to see you and then have to say goodbye. If I get the chance to actually be in your arms, I’m not gonna want to leave.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, good. Cuz I don’t think I’ll let you go.

jetblackrose: Okay, seriously, I could not love you more. Like are you trying to make me a flustered idiot?

drumming_heartbeats: Is it working lol?

jetblackrose: Yes! Okay, can I ask you a question?

drumming_heartbeats: You can ask me anything.

jetblackrose: Would… fuck I dunno why I’m so nervous asking you this… It’s no secret that we clearly care for each other. It’s also no secret that we love each other. But… is this all in my head? Am I confessing all these feelings and you don’t actually feel the same way in return?

drumming_heartbeats: Gen, baby, I’m serious. I… I want to meet you because I think we can be more than this. More than what we are here through these messages. Not that I don’t love our conversations. Not that I don’t want to stop having them. Because I love talking with you. I wouldn’t trade this relationship we’ve built for anything. But I want to keep building it. And I want to meet you to do that. If you don’t want the same, that’s fine. But that’s where I’m at.

jetblackrose: No. I want to meet you too. I’m just scared.

drumming_heartbeats: Don’t be scared. I love you, Gen.

jetblackrose: I love you too, Tom.

~~~

Gen sat in her car, frowning. Seven months of talking and she was finally about to see Tom. They had agreed on going to the beach as they both felt relaxed by water. But she was nervous all the same. Not only was she seeing her best online friend she had admitted to having a massive crush on, he was also going to see a lot of her skin, as she couldn’t exactly hide under jeans and hoodies at the beach. Not that she wanted to hide from Tom. She was just scared. She flipped down the visor and checked herself over in the small mirror. Then, she took a deep breath to steady herself and got out of the car.

She walked along the pier, the ocean breeze stirring her hair and bringing forth a calm steadiness within her. She leaned her arms on the wooden banister and waited. Her nerves had caused her to arrive a half hour early.

The water swirling around beneath her was hypnotizing. She wasn’t aware of time passing until a voice was calling out, “Gen?” followed by a small tap on her shoulder.

She turned, a smile on her face, nervous flutters in her stomach. As her eyes scanned up at her friend, her mouth dropped open.

The man giggled, a dimple indenting his cheek. “Surprise?”

Her eyes flashed behind her sunglasses and then her hands were shoving his chest. “YOU LIAR!” she shouted at him, her voice shrill.

“Whoa,” he said, grabbing her hands as she continued to push him. “Hey, I didn’t lie!”

“Yes you did! You said your name was Tom!” She ripped her hands out of his grasp, her skin lighting up in memorization at his touch.

“Clever, eh?” he smirked.

“Clever?! Lying to me was clever?!”

“I didn’t lie!”

“You lied about who you were, Tom! What else did you lie about?!”

“Just my name. I promise. And you don’t have to keep calling me Tom.”

Her voice shot down to a barely audible whisper as she told him in a horrified tone, “If I don’t call you Tom, then this becomes real. Really real. And then I’m the lunatic who just shoved my favorite drummer from my favorite band while screaming that he was a liar. And… STOP SMIRKING, ASHTON!”

Ashton held up his hands defensively and took a step backwards. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry, okay?”

“Sorry about what? Sorry you lied to me? Or sorry I’m mad about it?”

“Sorry you’re mad about it. I had to lie.”

“No. No, you really didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Do you see how you’re acting right now?! This is why I lied! Can you imagine if we had done this over messages?”

“I wouldn’t have believed you.”

“Exactly.”

“Your friend got you into 5sos… fucking… UGH!”

“Yeah, that was pretty clever wasn’t it?”

“I cannot FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!”

“Well, will you let me explain then?”

“Please. Wordsmith your way outta this one. Be my guest.”

“Okay,” he huffed, pushing his back hair out of his face. “I liked you the night of the party. When we actually met.”

“Oh, my God… my life is a fan fic…” Gen interrupted, eyes wide as her brain played catch up, still not believing this was actually real.

“I have to be careful, okay. It’s not that I wanted to lie to you about who I was. Not that I was. Everything I told you was real. My feelings are real.”

“Jesus, I said so many fuckin’ things to you. So. Many! I said you gave me a daddy kink! I said I wanted you to choke me! I said those things to someone I thought was a friend!”

“I am your friend!”

“No! You’re ASHTON FUCKIN’ IRWIN! And I’m… Gen,” she admitted, sadly. “I’m right where I was seven months ago. Meeting my idol and trying not to read too much into it. Only it’s worse. Because you’re aware of things I never would have told you had I known you were actually you. Please excuse me while I go die in a hole. Matter of fact, I’m just…” She walked towards the edge of the pier, placing her hands on the banister and pretended to lift herself up.

“Stop that,” Ashton scolded with a chuckle, pulling her off the railing and into his arms.

She froze, her body going rigid. “Let go of me.”

“No. I said if I got you in my arms I wouldn’t let go. And you said you wouldn’t want to leave. Now who’s the liar?”

“It’s still you by a fuckin’ mile!”

He let go but only to spin her around before his hands were gripping her shoulders. “I’m sorry if I upset you by keeping my identity a secret. I get if that changes things for you. But it doesn’t for me. I still feel the same way I felt towards you today that I did yesterday. And I’ll still feel the same way about you tomorrow and for the rest of my life.”

“Y-you do?” she asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

“Yes. Maybe I went about this the wrong way. Maybe I should’ve asked for your number that night instead of waiting for the picture of us to surface so I could find you that way. Maybe I shouldn’t have hidden my identity. But I did what I thought was best. I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like putting myself out there. So I protected myself the best way I knew how. You still got the real me, though.”

She stared up at him. As much as she wanted to be mad at him, she couldn’t. He was still her online best friend, and she was still in love with him.

“Look,” he kept talking. “Maybe we walk off this pier and never speak again. Or, maybe you trust me and yourself. Maybe we make it. Maybe we don’t. But either way, neither one of us is walking off this pier the same person we were before.”

__

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[snarky-fangirl]

Hello! So I'm about to start my first semester in college this fall. I know that I want to major in History, but I have been having fleeting thoughts on my minor. Recently anthropology had gotten my attention. I don't know if I want to though because I am scared about what jobs it could give me a boost in, but also I'm scared that I won't like anthropology at all

I am so sorry in taking a while to get back with you work has been exhausting. And my gosh this got long! I can never shut up about anthropology hahah!

Hi! ^_^

First, congrats on starting college this year! It is definitely a kind of scary thought, but honestly, college is great. Muuuuuuuch better than high school, and you learn way more interesting stuff. It’s a great time, you’ll do great :)

I actually started out interested in History cuz I love the past and learning as much as I can with it. So when I learned about anthropology/archaeology, it personally felt like a very natural transition. I’ve only taken a handful of college-level History classes, but my impression of it as a whole is looking at the political movements and Big Picture kind of stuff (I know that some people get their specialty in looking at like, 14th Century clothes of peasants in eastern Germany, but that’s probably a different conversation hahaha). Not wanting to sound too biased, but I think anthropology would complement a History degree quite nicely. There was actually a History grad student in one of my anthro classes last fall to help her kind of broaden how she was working on her thesis project. Anthropology is the study of cultures and how they relate and interact with each other, and how past cultures have an effect on future ones, which I think blends perfectly with History.

Job-wise, I don’t know what exactly you’re thinking of going into, but I don’t think anthropology will ever hurt you, especially where I think they complement each other so well. It could give you a nice little boost in academia or museums, or any kind of government work. If you want to just teach high school or public school, I know at least in my state they’re begging for history and anthro students to come teach for them. Again, it all depends on what your general goal is and where you want to go. But you’re at the start of your college years, so you still have time to think it all out if you’re not sure :)

Anthropology, even intro classes, usually has a lot of reading. But if you’re going into History, I’m assuming you’re okay with that. Other than that, you really have nothing to worry about. Take an Intro to Anthropology your first semester or two before you announce/confirm/I can’t think of the word your minor. Intro to Anthropology usually fills a Gen Ed requirement anyways, and then you can decide whether you like the field or not before committing to it (which changing minors/majors is fine anyways, people do it all the time. Seriously. I did it technically three times). If reading summaries about what anthropology makes it sound kind of dry or intimidating, it really isn’t once you start taking classes. It’s honestly an really cool, interesting field where you can learn whatever you want about people and the past and everything that covers. This got suuuuuuper long, I hope you don’t mind!!! And I hope this helps ^_^

[emprezz48]

Midnight Thoughts Part it’s-about-my-oshimen-graduating-soon-so-I-need-to-let-it-out-somewhere

Haven’t done this ever since Murai Junna grad... and here am I doing another one about Sakai Mei... 

As usual, Imma put the “keep reading” thing after this so you can skip this post and have a nice day (if you want to read this, feel free to waste your time)

Enjoy~

It all started when I watched the first episode of ebi calcio which was aired in late 2014 (but I watched it like really early 2015). It was a danso episode and Mei participated in it and MAI GAWD SHE WAS IKEMEN AS FFFFFF!!! My weakness is danso, so Mei really caught my attention... It wasn’t the first time I heard of her name (I found out about NonMei combi first but I never really paid much attention???) but after watching this episode, I totally could remember her.

2015 was a busy year for me, so I only had time to focus on a few SKE members (with my oshimen being Rena at that time) but months later after Rena graduated (and when I gave up being busy lololol) I started focusing on more and more members, with Mei being one of them. I found out how cool she is, but at the same time really cute and pretty, and quite a chikin XD (and also how she’s a 97 liner like me whaaaaaaat???) and that was the time when I really like NonMei as a pairing and shipped them like a delulu fan I am lol... I really started to like Mei more and more and she became one of my favourite members.

This photo was back in Fuyucon 2015? I stumbled upon this and I asked myself “Oh? Isn’t this Goto Risako? Wow she’s actually so prettyyyyyyy~ I wonder if she’s close to Mei?” I did my research and found out that this two same-aged girls get along pretty well despite being from a different gen and team, Risako appointed Mei as the leader of gorisa children, Mei calling Risako “Gori” despite the seniority, and there are few others cute moments here and there. If wasn’t for this photo, I wouldn’t have gotten soooooo into Risako, the member whom I can relate to the most... 

Also, being a DD then (without me realizing actually) I like a lot of SKE members, like really a lot. I couldn’t just stick to a member or two, pretty much I didn’t have an “oshimen”. But I was really really really following this two, commenting on their SNS, reading their blogs, digging up their older times in SKE, so on and so forth that it led to my decision to support them equally in 2016 (IT WAS ONLY LAST YEAR WTH) It was a gamble tbh. Despite being the youngest in their respective gens, they belong to the old gen of SKE. They’re also underrated as fuck (oh my god don’t get me started talking about Mei especially, wait you know what? I’ll actually get into that soon.) but I still decided to make both my oshimen instead of finding young buds (I DID FOR A WHILE BUT JUNNA...........)

I never felt so happy for an idol before. SSK is something that I have mixed feelings about, but when Mei finally ranked last year, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I eventually cried. 63rd was a nice rank, and although it was just ONE vote, I was proud to be part of the meiteam (name of her fanbase) that helped her rank in^^ A part of me wished I had more money to spend on votes, but in general I was really happy because Mei was happy. In 2015, she managed to rank in during the preliminary round, but not getting ranked in the actually was really a frustrating moment for her. Getting ranked in SSK is one opportunity to get exposed, and I must say I was glad Mei had quite a number of jobs last year. 

I started to think “Wow, 2016 is really a good year for Mei” and everyone was like “RISE MEIMEI RISE” thinking she’ll continue getting chances to shine. Too bad, what we all thought was WRONG.

16th February, that was when Mei announced her graduation during Team E kouen in order to focus on achieving her dreams in becoming an actress. It’s a dream she had for a long time, and her thoughts of graduation wasn’t a sudden one. She has talked more in her blog (I translated it here) Basically this will be a positive graduation as she’s taking one step ahead in her life. 

To be honest, when she said she has thought of graduating since a year ago, I really didn’t know. All the good stuff happened in 2016 made me didn’t realize that she could leave just anytime. Then again, I can’t say that I wasn’t prepared for this. In fact, a day before her announcement, the list of members being able to participate in P4U event was released, and aside from members who already announced graduation before, Mei’s name was the only one not in the list. I must say, her fans got really scared and worried, and watched kouen the next day in fear. I was in that situation too, but I told myself to just think positively. 

Of course, even with that hint, I still cried. I barely heard what she said after the “I will be graduating from SKE” part that I had to find a clip and re-watch it. I thought to myself “I wonder if my reaction would be worst if I didn’t found out about the P4U thing” but after a while, I realized that I’ll still feel sad no matter what. Yes, I am happy that Mei is starting a new chapter in life, I already told myself I’m still gonna support her and try to follow whatever stuff she gonna do in the future. But Mei being in SKE played an important role in how my wota life went for the past year. I was never SO gachi before. Yes, one year is so short, but in one year, a lot of things can happen. So I think things will change a little for me once April starts.

Ok, if there’s one thing I should be frustrated about, then that’s about the fact that she’s a freaking underrated member. Although I did say that a lot of good things happened in 2016 for Mei, that’s just because for the past years she’s in SKE, there was absolutely nothing for her. I guess it was because she was young or something, but I’ve seen her performances at least way back to 2014, and I must say, she is arguably a really good performer! No matter what she does, she looks cool. Besides that, she’s also a fun person who not only just perform, but also “interacts” and play around with members during kouen. MC, excellent. She’s good at tsukkomi. Despite overall being a good performer, it just gets me sometimes seeing her dance positions during kouen.... It’s always at the back... On top of that, never had a chance to center any unit before!!!!!! This is insane to me tbh... There were so many times I saw chances for her to center a unit (for eg. Ame no Pianist unit during TeTsuna shuffle kouen) BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED LIKE THERE WERE SO MANY CHANCES!!!!!!! Like come on... if we can see bad dancers being put up as center (not pointing on any member btw) then why can’t we see members who are clearly capable to center, not getting a chance? Like seriously, all I wanted was just ONE chance... 

Which is why, when Suuchan started her own Suumelo Senbatsu (or what she name it as Melodies) and appointed Mei as the center, I was on cloud nine. Mei never had such opportunity for the past 6 years, yet her own fellow team member could gave her that spotlight. I could never thank Suuchan enough for this, although sadly, Melodies hasn’t fully formed yet (Suuchan still haven’t announced all the members) so they can’t start any activity. With Mei graduating already, we can never get to see her acting out as the center of the unit... but nevertheless, the title still counts, so I’m really thankful to Suuchan, really.

I may have sounded like I’m complaining a bit too much, but overall, I think Mei had a really really great time in SKE. She definitely learnt a lot in the past 6 years and grow up to be the best she can be. I know she love her fans a lot, she’s nice to everyone, even though she don’t give kami taiou during HS or something. In my case, since I’ve never been to HS, I could see her kindness through her replies in 755 (ok at least back when she often uses it before having twitter) I could be asking something specific, or commenting generic stuff like “have fun during kouen” or “how’s your day?” and she would still reply to them^^ Seriously nice. Like really. Cuz I do know that my japanese grammar is kinda horrible, some sentences sound weird, but she was really nice^^ It maybe ridiculous, but I screenshot all her replies to me, since I’m just an international fan who does not have $$$ and freedom to go to HS .^. SIGHHHHHHHH but anyways, I really treasure those replies as those were our ONLY interactions~ I actually wanted to write a fanletter (like legit write one and send it) but there’s way too much problems in my hand so I regretfully decided to leave it out... 

ANDDDDDDD I should wrap this up since it’s already so long......... 

As I’m typing this, it’s roughly 5:10 AM Japan Time so there’s around 13 hours till her graduation kouen? Obviously gonna watch it, but I’m gonna have to sleep first lol. I don’t know what kind of emotion I should have, but I hope the kouen will run smoothly. I also hope she’ll have fun and have a memorable last kouen, and although it’s weird to say this, I am looking forward to it.

Bye.

[miracleboiz]

Making a Home Ch. 25

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her  foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but  still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to  make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 100k+

Relationships: Ojiro Aran/Kita Shinsuke, Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuseNot from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

*Mention of a nightmare and small panic attack*

Osamu was surrounded in black. Something soft was under his hands but no matter what he did he couldn’t see anything. He squirmed, chest tightening when he couldn’t speak.

He tried to cry out, tried to move, looking for his brother. He writhed, trying to get his body to respond as panic started to fill him. Still, he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe.

“Osamu?” A voice seemed to cut through the darkness but it wasn’t Atsumu’s voice. Osamu didn’t know who it was, he couldn’t see or move. He was always in bed by himself or Atsumu.

Where was he? Where was Atsumu? Why wasn’t his brother coming to help him?

Terror clawed at his heart and he struggled to breathe as the salty taste of tears hit his lips.

“Osamu!” The voice came again, sterner and Osamu jolted up, eyes snapping open. He stared at Aran’s face for a second without really seeing him, confusion and panic flooding through him.

Osamu spun, catching sight of silver hair from Shinsuke on his side and Lady on Aran’s right but Atsumu was nowhere to be found. He shoved off the hands trying to comfort him, desperate to find his brother.

Atsumu wouldn’t leave him right? Atsumu had promised to be there for him. He said he would fight anyone trying to take him away no matter what. Atsumu wouldn’t leave him for anyone, not Shinsuke, not Aran, not Shinji. Atsumu wouldn't. Atsumu wouldn’t.

“ ‘Tsumu!” The cry finally broke from followed by a loud sob. “ ‘Tsumu! ‘Tsumu!”

“ ‘Samu?” Atsumu’s voice yawned as his head popped up from between Shinsuke and Lady. He’d been tucked rather tightly against Shinsuke’s chest and seemed more than a little bit confused.

He crawled over Shinsuke as the man started to wake up himself. Osamu was flying at him the moment Atsumu was close enough to be tackled into a hug. Osamu sobbed as he held onto his brother as tightly as he could, only clinging harder at Atsumu’s yelp of his name.

“ ‘Samu? ‘Samu what happened?” Atsumu whined, looking close to tears himself and in a heartbeat he was sobbing too as he hugged his brother back.

“I couldn’t... move..” Every break was racked with another sob from Osamu, “then I couldn’t breathe… and I… I woke up… you were gone… I couldn’t find you… Thought you left me… Don’t leave me ‘Tsumu… Please don’t leave me.”

Atsumu clung to his brother, shaking his head and wrapping himself around him as if to help him hide from the world.

“ ‘m never going to leave you ‘Samu, never ever.” Atsumu promised, eyes pressed shut even as tears slipped out bit by bit.

“Thought someone… someone took…” Osamu choked on the words, rocking in his brother’s arms as the panic started to overwhelm him.

“Osamu, breathe in.” Shinsuke said, sitting up slightly as the fog in his eyes started to fade. “Seven seconds, breathe with me and Atsumu.”

Osamu gulped in a breath, barely reaching the full time. Atsumu tried to rub his back like he’d seen Shinsuke do, breathing in time with Shinsuke. Aran shifted slowly to sit up, but Osamu didn’t even seem to notice, too busy holding onto Atsumu like a lifeline.

Nearly half an hour passed before Osamu was able to blink open his eyes tiredly at Shinsuke. He glanced over his shoulder, staring at Aran’s concerned face for a moment before releasing his brother. He fell back against Aran’s chest instead, half on his lap.

“I don’t like bad dreams.” He mumbled, a yawn breaking from him. “I thought… Maybe…”

Guilt was written across his face and he shrunk down slightly, pawing for Atsumu’s hand to hold. He wouldn’t look at Shinsuke though, even when Shinsuke sat up more to watch him, stroking Lady’s back to keep her from tackling the kids and licking them to cheer them up.

“Maybe… Shinsuke had given Atsumu away to Aran when I fell asleep last night.” His head hung down low with shame. “I’m sorry…”

“Oh little one.” Shinsuke whispered softly, moving closer. “Is this alright?”

He waited until Osamu was nodding before he kicked out of the blanket and pulled Atsumu onto his lap so he could sit knee to knee with Aran. Atsumu instantly grabbed Aran’s shirt too, as if to keep him from going away.

“There’s no need to be sorry, Osamu.” Shinsuke soothed softly, “You had a nightmare, it’s okay to be scared after that. But there’s no need to worry about Atsumu being given away on his own-”

“I don’t want to leave you though!” Osamu blurted, freezing and patting with his free hand until it could wrap around Lady’s collar. “I wanna stay with Aran, but I wanna stay with you too but I don’t know if you w-want us or… or… or…”

Aran gently rubbed Osamu’s back, letting the child shake as he stared at Shinsuke. He gave Shinsuke a pointed look over their heads but Shinsuke didn’t need it. Seeing Aran in such a vulnerable spot with his kid on his lap though, definitely set Shinsuke’s heart to beat a little harder though.

“No, Osamu that isn’t what I meant.” Shinsuke explained softly, his hand not on Lady’s fur moving to stroke through Atsumu’s hair. The child sighed softly, flopping back against his chest and tilting his head up to stare at him with wide eyes.

“I was going to wait until breakfast time, but I suppose five am works too.” Shinsuke hummed softly, the slightest curve of his lip appearing at Atsumu’s almost timed yawn. “I know, when you spoke to Oomimi you told him you didn’t want to be adopted by me-”

This time Atsumu was the one to shrink down, his own guilt and panic overtaking the almost peaceful look he’d had on his face. He hadn’t meant to make Shinsuke upset then, he just thought that Shinsuke would be happier with them gone. He wouldn’t have been so stressed or busy.

“But, I also know that was a very stressful and bad day,” Shinsuke continued, leaning his head down just enough to press a kiss to Atsumu’s forehead. “And I wanted to ask you now.”

Atsumu’s eyes widened immeasurably as he stared up at Shinsuke. His grip on his brother’s hand tightened and both of the twins’ eyes were locked on Shinsuke.

“You and Aran are going to get married again and keep us!” Atsumu blurted before Shinsuke could open his mouth. Of course that was why Aran said he would keep them before! Because he and Shinsuke we’re getting back together after Aran moved to France and Aran was keeping it a surprise! Just like the birthday party!

Osamu had to let go of Lady to hold onto Aran’s knee as his chair started to laugh. Aran tried to hold it back, desperately pinching his lips shut but he couldn’t. Laughter broke from him as he wrapped an arm around Osamu to keep him from being bounced around, a wide grin on both of their faces.

“Keep you, yes, Aran and I….” Shinsuke said delicately, chuckling quietly himself. “I was-”

“ ‘Tsumu you dummy.” Osamu interrupted, moving to swipe at his brother’s face playfully. “They gotta learn to walk in their ice skates before they get married. They haven’t been skatin’ cuz they’ve been with us.”

“Ohhh, right! Can we go ice skating so you can get married and keep us?” Atsumu said, nodding his head to the clear logic of his brother’s words.

Aran was nearly wheezing with laughter, Osamu more than a little happy to be shaken as Aran tried to calm himself. It worked for a few seconds before he caught sight of Shinsuke’s unamused stare and raised eyebrow and the laughter broke out again.

Shinsuke’s lips quirked up in response and he pressed them together, looking away before Aran dragged him into a laughing fit. It definitely didn’t help the soft warmth slowly building in his chest as he looked down at his two boys clearly excited.

“Atsumu, Osamu, would you like to be adopted by me?” Shinsuke asked, watching in amusement as Lady started to crawl her way between them as if trying to hold Osamu down from the force of the still laughing Aran.

He wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of two excitable six year olds launching themselves at him and trying to scramble up towards his face. He squeaked as he fell back, feeling two hands wrap around his wrists and tug him back up.

Aran’s smiling face greeted him as the boys scrambled over him, trying to hug his neck and each other at the same time. Shinsuke shifted, waiting for Lady to move herself onto Aran’s lap instead before he was leaning against Aran’s shoulder.

“I don’t think you have a few years to make me wait,” Aran teased him lightly, “You might have another forty five seconds before they start asking about ice skating again though.”

Shinsuke tossed him a fake glare, wrapping his arms around the boys and nuzzling the hair under his nose. He closed his eyes for a moment, just taking in a breath to revel in the moment. His boys. All three of them. Right here with him. No one was going anywhere, they were a family even if the last bit of the puzzle was going to take some time to put together.

“I know you taught them that, what does it even mean?” Shinsuke grumbled, blinking when Osamu sat up suddenly and let go of Shinsuke’s neck.

“Oh! Oh! I know. Can I tell him? Please Aran?” Osamu begged, reaching over to pat at Aran until he was sure he was being paid attention to. Aran was going to have to talk to the Matsukawa’s about their cat teaching his kids how to beg for attention.

“Sure, darling, go ahead.” Aran hummed, settling in to hear what he assumed was going to be a ridiculous version of what he’d told the boys days ago.

“Okay, okay, so!” Osamu started, happily holding onto the collar of Aran’s shirt. “There’s lotsa steps to ice skate. Ya gotta go to the place, then you gotta walk around, then you gotta check your feet and make sure they’re… feet. Then you get your shoes, and you put them on and then you gotta tie them and that’s super hard, I needed help but ‘Tsumu was really good at it… and….”

He blinked, trying to remember what he had been talking about, then grinned again.

“Then you have to walk in them and ‘Tsumu isn’t good at that, then you have to step on the ice and it’s super super scary but since Aran-kun will be there it’s not so scary. Then you gotta learn to skate! And Tooru-san and Hajime-san and Issei-san and Taka-san all had each other and learned to ice skate like… a bajillion years ago, that’s why they’re married!”

Shinsuke kept the smile on his face but he had absolutely no idea what was just said to him.

“Ah… Thank you for that explanation, Osamu. Perhaps Aran and I will… try to go ice skating and… learn to walk in them?” He said cautiously but it seemed to be the right thing to do because Osamu brightened and Atsumu’s hold got tighter.

“Okay boys, if we’re not going to go to bed again, we need to eat-”

“Cake!” Atsumu and Osamu shouted together, making both adults wince.

“No.” Aran said sternly, watching them deflate with exaggerated pouts. “Cake is for after dinner, five… six thirty now, is time for breakfast. Why don’t you go get the rice started?”

The boys gasped, thrilled to be allowed to ‘make’ something on their own and scrambled to get off the bed. Lady leaped out of Aran’s lap, smacking him in the face with her tail, and followed after them cheerfully.

“.... Aran did you teach my kids about dating by using ice skating as a metaphor?” Shinsuke asked, quirking an eyebrow over at his best friend.

“... That… was perhaps something I did. Unless you wanted me to try and explain to a six year old that sometimes people aren’t ready to date. Because they’re six and they don’t understand the concept of ‘not ready’ for anything beyond dinner.” Aran said simply, but he still wasn’t looking Shinsuke in the eye. It only took a second for Shinsuke to realize that Aran was laughing.

“Are you-”

“When’s the wedding, Shin? I want to coordinate the boys’ outfits.” Aran teased, a loud laugh exploding from him at Shinsuke’s offended expression.

“I have seen the clothes you wear, you are not choosing the wedding outfits or colors or anything beyond food to be completely honest. You’d go with the ugliest colors just to see who died first, me or Tooru.” Shinsuke bumped their shoulders together, rolling his eyes at the second laugh that bubbled out of him. “Get out of my bed. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I’m telling the kids you died and we’re keeping Lady.”

Aran rolled his eyes, grabbing the blanket and chucking it over Shinsuke’s head. Shinsuke wrestled free, giving him a half glare as his hair stuck up in every direction.

“I’m going to help our kids make breakfast.” Aran said sweetly, copying Shinsuke’s attitude from the night before, already sliding out of the bed as a pillow was chucked at his back.

“Aran.” Shinsuke shouted after him, but Aran could hear his soft laugh. Relaxed and at peace, Aran knew that laugh and he’d missed it far too much.

“If we’re getting married, I want a divorce.” Shinsuke deadpanned as he was kicked in the shoulder on accident. Osamu gasped from his spot on Aran’s shoulders as they walked down the street, heading towards the park.

His small hands smacked Aran’s cheeks in an attempt to hold on and get his attention.

“Aran are you going to be okay? You’re still going to visit right?” He whined and Aran hushed him softly, reaching up to hold Osamu’s hands instead.

“Shinsuke’s just being cranky because I won’t let him hold Lady’s leash.” Aran soothed, squeezing his hand and looking over to where Atsumu was very carefully walking Lady beside him. Though from the way Lady kept her head turned toward Atsumu and nudged him carefully around any gaps in the road, Aran was pretty sure she was walking Atsumu.

“... That’s a good reason to be cranky.” Atsumu said, staring down at the sidewalk to keep from tripping and Lady tugged him away from a light post. Aran hummed in amusement, letting go of Osamu for a moment to tuck Atsumu closer to his hip instead of the edge of the sidewalk.

“I’m not cranky.” Shinsuke said, sounding mildly cranky but Aran could see the humor in his eyes.

“He’s very, very cranky.” Aran assured the twins, smiling over at Shinsuke’s eye roll. “But once we get to the park I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Don’t worry Shinsuke-san.” Osamu chirped, waving Aran’s hands in the air theatrically. “We’ll have lots of fun and then you’ll smile- like that! Aran, Aran! He smiled.”

Shinsuke was indeed smiling, and this time he wasn't trying to suppress it. He let it grow until it was comfortable on his face, shaking his head fondly at the gasps from each of them. He took a few steps ahead of them, stepping into the gated park and checking for any other dogs. Like he suspected, there were no other dogs so early in the morning.

He could hear shuffling behind him and seconds later Osamu and Atsumu were running past, Lady jogging quietly behind them.

“Sorry, they got excited.” Aran chuckled, eyes already scanning the park and relaxing when there was no sign of anything that could distract Lady. She was well trained, but she was, afterall, a dog.

“I can see that.” Shinsuke hummed quietly, watching the boys as they made their way over.

“... Shinsuke, are you still grumpy I didn’t let you hold Lady’s leash?” Aran asked, voice soft with apology but as soon as Shinsuke turned to look at him, he could see the laughter in his eyes. Aran was struggling not to laugh and Shinsuke shook his head at him.

“Why do the boys think we’re married? You’re clearly just harassing me, there’s absolutely no love here.” Shinsuke said, keeping his face neutral.

“Don’t start that. The boys may think you hung the moon but I’m well aware you’re a devil. I’ve been with you since you were fifteen remember?” 

“Yes I do, every minute.” Shinsuke said softly, tilting his head up to blink prettily up at him. Aran’s cheek burned red and he gaped at Shinsuke for a moment before it settled into a half hearted glare instead.

“How you manage to be so sweet but devious at the same time blows my mind, every single time.” Aran sighed, shaking his head and bumping his shoulders into Shinsuke’s at the sight of the amused smile returning.

They walked a few more steps, eyes on the boys chasing each other around with Lady herding them away from the half frozen lake. They were laughing and cheering and Shinsuke couldn’t say he’d ever felt more at peace, more at home, then right now.

He stepped to the right, fingers dancing at the edge of Aran’s palm before Aran’s hand moved to intertwine their fingers. He flicked his eyes up to Aran’s, taking in the softness around his own eyes and the curve of his mouth in an easy smile. He looked happy, incredibly happy.

“Aran… Remember what I said before?” Shinsuke asked softly, finding himself unable to stare at him any longer until the words were out. “About… waiting...I know I need to, but I don’t want to raise these boys without you… If you are willing… to go… rather slow… probably unnaturally slow for most people… Why don’t we go ice skating next week? I have Thursday off next.”

Aran’s lips were curved in a smile when Shinsuke felt them press against his temple.

“Toldja before, Shin. I���m here, as long as it takes.” Aran said against his skin and Shinsuke could feel the affection in his words. “We can take breaks too, the boys come first after all.” 

Shinsuke didn’t disagree, but he also couldn’t help but think that they’d been rather glued to the hip since the break down last week. It didn’t feel like he was changing anything to be with Aran, nothing he wasn’t already changing for the boy’s atleast. Baby steps though, were just fine with him. Like Osamu had said, you had to learn to walk in skates before you got on the ice.

It didn’t have to be a date but Shinsuke wanted to spend more time with Aran regardless. Besides, ice skating gave him more excuses to hang off of Aran’s arm and guilt him into buying drinks.

“Shinsuke-san!” Atsumu’s voice made them both perk up, looking over at the child. His bruises had healed and he looked as cheerful and happy as any kid their age should be.

“We found a duck! Hurry up.” Osamu echoed beside him, pointing at the small herd of ducks settling on the icy water.

Aran and Shinsuke shared a soft laugh, picking up speed a little but not enough for the twins.

“Touchan!” They hollered together, pointing at the ducks with clear excitement.

Shinsuke stumbled on the snow but the hand in his kept him up and he moved a little faster, the warmth in his chest spreading throughout all of him. He almost thought he’d pass out from the overwhelming emotion but all he could do was hurry to his boys. His boys.

His family.

* This is the final chapter, but an epilogue will be up next week. Let me know i fyou'd be more interested in teen-adult epilogue or still young kids epilogue. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me, it's been an amazing journey. *

[miracleboiz]

Making A Home Ch. 21

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 4k

Relationships: Ojiro Aran/Kita Shinsuke, Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuse

Not from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

Osamu had been more than a little disappointed to find out that they had to drop Lady off at Aran’s home, but cheered up again when Aran dropped into a shop with them for fresh hot cocoa. Atsumu was still…distant, and Aran couldn’t help but watch him as they boarded the train.

He wasn’t lagging behind or even particularly upset looking. Instead he was perfectly pressed up against Aran’s hip, face a careful blank which was almost worse. He didn’t flinch when Aran’s hand guided him by the shoulder to a seat and Aran considered that a great win.

“Hey, hey Aran-san?” Osamu’s voice shook him from his thoughts and Aran turned to him.

“Yes? Tilt your cup up straighter.” Aran said, reaching out to gently push the tilted bottom of the cup up until it was straight again. Osamu blinked at it, putting it on his knee instead of holding it freely and trying to give Aran a smile.

“Do… D’ya love Kita-san?” Osamu asked, lips twisting as he chewed on the inside. Aran stared at him a moment, debating on lying to avoid any awkward moments later or strangely intimate questions Osamu might ask Shinsuke later.

“Yes.” Aran said simply, disregarding his earlier thoughts. A few awkward questions would be fine in the long run, lying to Osamu about something that could eventually affect him and his life wouldn’t be. Not to mention the guilt was already settling in Aran’s stomach at just the thought of lying to him.

“Oh… Then… Why aren’t ya dating him?” Osamu blinked up at him, patiently waiting for an answer Aran didn’t even know how to give.

He could feel eyes on the back of his neck from Atsumu and sighed as he leaned back in the seat. He glanced around the carriage, not wanting to deal with other people butting in or scaring either of the kids.

“Well.. sometimes dating people is hard. It takes a lot of work to do that.”

“It can’t be that hard, Tooru-san has three boyfriends.” Atsumu pointed out, shrinking back slightly when Aran looked at him but relaxed a minute later when Aran laughed softly, smiling down at him.

“That is very true. But, Tooru-san has also known them since they were very young, and they’re older than Shinsuke and I. Also, it took a very long time to get where they are. They’ve been together almost ten years now. I haven’t even been in Japan for three years, I was in France remember? Shinsuke and I haven’t worked on anything like that at all.”

Atsumu hummed, trying to think about it as Osamu leaned against Aran to stare at his brother. As if he was just as excited about Atsumu’s relaxed questioning as Aran himself.

Some of it, Aran concluded, was not feeling safe in his home anymore. Having Rika-san come in and hurt him where he was previously safe must have ruined his trust in not only Shinsuke, but in having a safe place to relax.

“But...Why… wouldn’t…” Atsumu frowned, trying to form the sentence. After a moment he turned to stare at Osamu and they watched each other before Osamu perked up.

“Oh! Why wouldn’t you start now? Since you're back home now?” Osamu’s head tilted up, nearly smacking into Aran’s chin before the man pulled back.

“It’s a learning curve, trust me.” Aran said, only to get two blank looks. “Okay uh… Osamu, what if when we got to the skating rink I told you to go get your skates and go onto the ice right now and I didn’t help you, what would you say?”

“I don’t know how!” Osamu giggled. “I’ve never skated before!”

“See? Do you know how many steps there are before you can learn to skate?” He waited until both of them shook their heads. “Well, you have to learn where to get the skates, what size is yours, then how to get them on, then walk on them and then how to get to the ice. Then you have to learn how to skate. Relationships are a bit like that. You have to learn before you get to the fun part and Shinsuke and I are still learning, not quite… Ice skating yet.”

Or ever, he said internally before he flicked the annoyed thought away. He wouldn’t pretend like he wasn’t mildly upset about the knowledge that there was a very real possibility of never being with Shinsuke beyond friendship. That didn’t mean he was going to act on that, or even bring it up, his feelings were his own problems not Shinsuke’s and he’d never treat Shinsuke poorly for his own inability to get over it.

“Oh so… You and Kita-san have known each other a long time… and you love him and he loves you so… It’s like… You gotta learn to walk! So you can date!” Osamu said cheerfully and Aran was trying to wrap his head around that and how Osamu knew Shinsuke loved him, when Atsumu spoke up.

“That… means I can’t marry Shinji.” Atsumu sighed, shoulders dropping. “Cuz… I dunno how weddin’s work or marriages.”

Aran didn’t even have an answer to that. He had absolutely no idea why Atsumu was marrying Shinji, or even particularly who this Shinji was. He assumed it was one of the kids from school, but weren’t they a little young to be getting married?

“Wait!! Shinji has four dads, and they make wedding cakes and Tooru-san is a… a… wedding person! Shinji can teach you about weddings and marriages!” Osamu chirped at his brother, nearly spilling his cocoa again as Aran rushed to save it.

“Oh yeah! So I get to marry Shinji and get lotsa cookies everyday. Cuz he promised if we got married he’d be like… T-taka-... Takahiro-san and make breakfast and cookies everyday.”

Aran had absolutely no idea what was going on, but he definitely wasn’t going to say anything that would potentially erase the small smile growing on Atsumu’s lips and the bright hope in his eyes. Thankfully, they were both hyperactive six year olds and Aran didn’t think they’d be gloomy for long. It might hit again when they were back home, but for now they could just be kids and not have to worry about whether or not their next home would hurt them again.

“Sure, but uh… Why don’t we wait a little bit longer on that wedding?” Aran hummed, smiling down at them.

Toru didn’t hesitate to move over when he heard Shinsuke’s soft question, frowning at his friend. Shinsuke looked tired and more than a little sad, though he was hiding it the best he could. Tooru knew the look though, he hadn’t spent ten years with Issei to not notice when someone with a neutral face was close to crying.

“Yeah, Shin-chan, always.” Tooru tried for a grin, only to let it fade away when Shinsuke hardly reacted to the nickname. He moved across the room to the dining table, moving to kneel on one of the cushions.

Shinsuke fiddled around with something before he was walking to him, a small tray with a teapot and two cups. Tooru didn’t say anything, letting Shinsuke go through the ritual of pouring the tea and settling the cups in front of both of them. As soon as Shinsuke settled onto his own knees, Tooru couldn’t hold back any longer.

“What happened last night?” He asked. For a long minute Shinsuke didn’t say anything and the creeping fear that he was about to be fired started to build in Tooru’s chest before he realized the ridiculousness of that. Then he realized Shinsuke was crying.

There was no sound, absolutely no sign of Shinsuke’s pain beyond the silver lines tracing down his face. Twice, his tongue wet his lips before Shinsuke’s gaze shook and fell to the teapot instead of Tooru’s face.

“Yesterday… Did… not go well. I would… Like to speak as… friends about it, if you can handle that sort of talk.” Shinsuke said slowly, voice catching on the words like he was choking around them.

“I see… Let me tell ‘Hiro I won’t be coming home for breakfast- Don’t argue with me, Shinsuke-kun, I’m not leaving, you need me right now.” Tooru glared Shinsuke down as he pulled out his phone and texted his partner. Then he thought about it and texted two others, putting his phone away when Shinsuke started to look too suspicious.

“What happened?”

Shinsuke was staring at the ceiling by the time he finished, streams of tears pouring down his face with absolutely no sign of stopping.

“I…” He said softly, teeth buried in his bottom lip. “I… They don’t want me, Tooru, and I don’t know how I… I want to adopt them, but it’s just… it’s so much and I… I’m… I don’t even know at this point. I.. Everythings been thrown into the air and I can’t adjust and I feel like I’m drowning.” Shinsuke confessed, nearly jumping out of his skin as the front door opened. He shot Tooru a look as Michinari and Ren stopped to trade their shoes for slippers.

“I told them to come.” Tooru nodded at him. “They’ve helped you before, and this isn’t just about you this time. It’s also about the boys.”

“Ren can’t-”

“I will.” Oomimi said, moving towards them and kneeling down beside him. “This involves the boys, and I can’t do anything about that or them, but I can help you. If the boys decide they wish to be adopted by you, it is best to be prepared. If they do not, you still need to avoid this happening again later.”

“Part of that is our fault.” Michinari said, giving him a half smile as he moved to sit beside Tooru. He held his hand up, sharp eyes incredibly soft, to stave off Shinsuke’s refusals.

“It is. We promised you last time that we would be right here this entire time. Instead we became too complacent in letting you be in charge of everything and forgetting that you don’t come to others for help. Yes, you should have been open more but we neglected to check in on you. We left you without a proper support system after promising we would be there.” Akagi continued, reaching over to snag Shinsuke’s cup.

Shinsuke managed a full minute of steady breathing. Then he cracked with a sob, hands covering his face as the emotions rolled over and through him.

It was almost too much, knowing how much they loved him and wanted to help him. He loved them too and he felt beyond foolish for forgetting his own promise to reach out to them too when things became too much. A gentle hand landed on his back as Ren pressed against his spine, a comforting weight to ground him.

“I just… I don’t… I…” Another hand reached him, Tooru’s long fingers wrapping around his wrist with a gentle squeeze. Shinsuke tossed him a grateful but watery smile and then jumped up at the sound of slurping.

“Oh sorry, just trying to make sure you knew I was here too.” Akagi said when three sets of eyes landed on him. Ren stiffened like he was going to tell him off but Shinsuke just burst into laughter, tears still freely pouring down his face. Two other voices joined his as they laughed at Akagi who was happily sticking his tongue out at them.

Shinsuke could breathe again, the stabbing aching pains in his chest finally quelling themselves.

“Why don’t we start with the basics. Your routine.” Oomimi said after wiping at his eyes from laughing too hard.

“You are not working seven days a week anymore.” Tooru said immediately, not even trying to give the other two time to speak. “No ifs or buts about it, you work way too damn much and it’s terrifying. Which is… saying something coming from me because I literally breathed volleyball since I was eight to the point of leaving the country! Do you know how much of a workaholic you have to be to have me say you work too much? Five days max, four if you adopt the boys.”

“What? No I-” Shinsuke frowned but Tooru just glared back at him, daring him to keep arguing. Slowly, he closed his own mouth. Tooru might… have a point.

“You were working seven days a week? Gods, no wonder you’ve been having issues adapting to the boys and Aran coming back.” Michinari frowned, looking over at him and Shinsuke yelped as a foot struck his knee. 

“Michinari!” Shinsuke snapped, and was kicked again. “Okay, okay, I get it. I pushed myself too far and…”

He sighed, letting his shoulders drop slowly down.

“And I didn't take care of myself and set myself up for failure if anything happened. I know… Well, I know that now. I should have been more conscientious, instead I allowed myself to get drawn into my own routine and trapped. For all that I held myself to a certain standard in highschool, I became lax with it as an adult and faltered because of it. I assumed my own awareness would not be limited by my daily routine but did not take into account my own unwillingness to diverge from my routine. Unlike the other times, my problems now are my own fault.”

Shinsuke kept his gaze on the empty spot where his cup had been. It was easier to breathe now, but part of him was missing the night before. Curled up against a warm chest and crying his eyes out until he could sleep. Or it was just the four hours of sleep that he got. Or he just really missed Aran.

Shinsuke didn’t know anything at this point, he just wanted to take a nap. He vaguely wondered if his Granny would be disappointed in him for failing where she excelled.

He didn’t think she would, she was always his biggest supporter. However, losing what gave him his confidence and becoming so shaken to the point of giving into his own anxiety made him question whether she gave him too much trust.

At this point it didn’t particularly matter, he supposed, she had already given it to him and he needed to accept that and make himself worthy of that trust and support.

The three looked up as the office door opened, blinking in surprise at Takahiro’s head popping through. His eyes glanced around with a frown before they spotten Tooru and narrowed and switched to Shinsuke.

“Oh… oops.” Tooru said, checking his phone. Akagi winced at the mass amount of worried texts.

“I may have just texted ‘I’m not coming home’ instead of the full message in my haste to contact Akagi and Oomimi... That’s a... Not breaking up with you… Now I’ve just made him grumpy, I’ll be right back.” Tooru sighed, standing with a wince. “Do not let Shin-chan negotiate anymore days to work, or I will physically remove him myself and lock the door behind him.”

Shinsuke blinked when the eyes stayed on him, the normally friendly baker frowning over at him. Just like he had the night before. The gaze only moved when Tooru was stepping in front of him.

“I can’t believe you sent me that and didn’t think I wasn’t going to worry-” Hiro’s voice cut off as the door closed behind Tooru.

“And that is why I don’t date.” Akagi said, reaching for Tooru’s cup only to get his hand smacked by both of his friends.

“No, that is the reason I do not date, you don’t date because you don’t like people.” Oomimi sighed, grabbing Akagi’s cup to refill it for him.

“I don’t… Not like them. I just don’t see the point in being with someone forever. It’s such a pain to keep track of another person, not to mention they always worry about ‘income’.”

“Love.” Shinsuke said, the smallest smile on his lips. He tried to squash it down, well aware these two would notice it and its significance. He didn’t quite manage it, his mind very happily supplying the memories of the morning and waking up in Aran’s arms.

“Love is why people stay together and also why they don’t change jobs every week when they get bored.”

“Right. That thing you weirdos feel.” Akagi said, scrunching up his nose and Shinsuke rolled his eyes. He knew Akagi was joking, it had been an inside joke ever since Akagi realized he didn’t have romantic feelings and probably never would but it never stopped being funny watching him react.

“But… I do love you guys, and the boys.” Akagi said slowly, working his jaw before it tightened and he looked at Shinsuke with a relaxed grin. “I love you guys alot, and I… I actually really like photography… and I was thinking… If you’re not opposed to it…”

Shinsuke nearly stopped breathing as he realized what Akagi was asking, despite the hesitance. Ever since Akagi graduated, he had been on the go. Near desperate to flee the country and travel all over, escape the standards set by his parents and society and only return on occasion for them. His family.

“Michinari,” Shinsuke breathed, “there has always been a job for you here, when you were ready.”

Shinsuke elbowed Oomimi, raising a pointed eyebrow that only got an eye roll in response. Michinari, on the other hand, looked far too close to tears as he stared at Shinsuke.

“Ya mean it? I don’t have to like… Interview or somethin’?”

“I… have no idea how an interview for photography would go, but we can just go with the fact that I have never heard complaints about your photographs even from Saru-san and she’s impossible to please.” Shinsuke laughed quietly, leaning back to avoid Akagi’s grabbing hands trying to hold his.

“Second thing, we’re going out, every single week.” Akagi said, looking to Oomimi to have his back. “At least one of us is getting you out of this house, whether it’s on your days off or after work. We can trade off with the Sawamura’s and Matsukawa’s with babysitting duty, and once a week you can relax. Or ya could take Wednesday off and we can do something while the boys are in school. No more of us leaving you to your own devices. You’re always checking in on us and taking care of us. Whether it’s supporting me when I went all over the world and talking to me when I felt like I was going crazy with the language barrier, or when Oomimi works himself too hard and gets sick and needs help getting better. Hell, Shinsuke, you bent over backwards to help the Matsukawas when Akira broke his leg. We forgot you needed support too and we’re not doing that again or so help me I will move into this house… Speaking of, I need to find an apartment, Ren’s neighbor keeps flirting with me and I don’t think they realize I’m only in it for that cat.”

“I can never have a conversation with any of you without laughing, can I?” Shinsuke sighed fondly, a smile just barely gracing his lips as he looked at the tea pot distractedly. He supposed that was what he needed, he was always told he was far too serious. Maybe that was why everyone in his life was so vibrant, so filled with infectious laughter and Shinsuke could never give that up.

“Wha- any of us- Wait a second.” Akagi straightened up, turning to stare at the boba tea plush Shinsuke had brought into the kitchen after waking up with Aran and finding it on the floor. “That’s not yours and you would never buy it and you didn’t have time to get it after yesterday… Aran was here wasn’t he?”

Shinsuke’s cheeks instantly bloomed pink but he said nothing, just turned away from Ren’s searching look.

“Don’t you dare Kita Shinsuke! I have not put this much effort or mental energy into anyone else, you damn well better not be together already. I did not set up that ice skating date for-”

“Date?” Shinsuke asked slowly, turning back to stare him down.

“Uh… well… I forgot how terrifying you are, uh… well the thing is… Tooru-kun’s back!” Michinari squeaked, making the mentioned wedding planner freeze. He glanced at the three of them suspiciously and slowed down as he moved closer.

He lifted up his cushion twice and glanced under the table before slowly kneeling on the pillow. Shinsuke didn’t bother to tell him he wasn’t being pranked.

“You’re not getting out of this.” Akagi said to Shinsuke with a pointed finger before he turned to Tooru. “You okay bud? You don’t look so good, did you get yelled at or something?”

“Wha- No, no.” Tooru shook his head but he didn’t unpurse his lips or meet any of their gazes. “Hiro knows that was an accident, he just started to get worried when I didn’t respond after an hour and a half and I didn’t realize it had been that long or else I would have called or texted him back. It’s not like me to just go radio silent so he was worried something had happened to cut off the message like a car accident or something. He panics sometimes… No uh… Gods… He wanted me… to talk to Shinsuke about the boys and… well, what we went through with our boys.”

He finally looked up, eyes soft and tired and not quite there like he was lost in thought.

“Said if I didn’t yell at you for it, then he would… I didn’t want to tell him what the twins said because you didn’t give me permission to talk to anyone else about it and that’s highly personal… But… Takahiro insisted I tell you.”

“... Go ahead.” Shinsuke said when it became clear Tooru wasn’t going to speak without prompting.

“So you know we were attempting to adopt Shigeru when Issei’s sister and brother-in-law died and left Shinji without parents… At that time… Well, it wasn’t us adopting them, it was Issei and Hiro, because you know how people are about poly relationships. And yet… Shinsuke… We fought for almost a year to get Shigeru. We promised when we met him that we would be adopting him, and we almost couldn’t. Every time he saw us he’d start sobbing and asking why we didn’t do what we promised and took him home. For an entire year, we fought, we had to pay so much money for lawyers and jump through so many hoops to prove Issei and Hiro were fit parents. I wasn’t even in the country and I was fighting with them, everything I had I gave to them to try and get our son… 

Then Issei… lost his sister and brother-in-law and parents in one accident. Suddenly we had Shinji we had to adopt and take care of and we were still fighting for Shigeru because we promised we were going to adopt him and we couldn’t just walk away.”

Tooru looked like he was going to start crying next before he took a breath and straightened, staring Shinsuke in the eye. His voice shook with every word but he didn’t hesitate in his words, didn’t waver for a second.

“We had to prove we could take care of two boys then, we almost lost Shigeru to another family but his social worker thankfully asked him who he wanted to go with and he picked us. A year is how long Issei and Hiro had to fight for him. Even now he wakes up convinced we abandoned him, and won’t calm down until we’re all in the room with him. The only reason we were able to get Akira in under six months was because I’m popular. If it wasn’t for the fact that every news outlet wanted to cover Japan’s openly gay volleyball player trying to adopt a child with his partner, I don’t know if we would have even had the option to get Akira… My point, Shinsuke…

My point is, not all of us have the luck to have friends in the social working department or be certified for adoption ahead of time. It… I was going to say it upsets Hiro, but honestly all of us are a little struck by… Shin-chan, you very clearly want to adopt the boys. And while right now that’s something that’s on the border and is the boys’ decision, it has been very clear from the first day I met them that they absolutely adore you and want to be with you forever and that you love them too. Shinsuke, me and my partners got very lucky to be able to adopt our boys, our kids… You have a very clear path, that you need to decide if you’re going to take or you need to prepare the boys for their next home. Just… Fuck I am not good with emotions, this is why I have Issei and Hajime… Math is my thing, people.. Not really… Shinsuke, if you truly want to adopt the boys it has to start now, don’t make them wait any longer. They’re your boys. You don’t have to wait eight months to be approved or have social workers showing up weekly to threaten you if things aren’t perfect.” Tooru said softly, eyes soft as he looked at Shinsuke. There were tears still fluttering on his lashes like he was just barely holding himself together. His chest seemed to shake as he breathed in, trying keep himself from full on sobbing and Shinsuke couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he just really needed to cry like Shinsuke had.

“He’s not wrong,” Oomimi put in, gently taking the cup from Akagi to drink. “A lot of gay parents are fighting not only discrimination but also harassment even after they adopt. The Sawamura’s adopted from Moniwa, so their’s was mostly straight forward but it still took almost four months for each of their boys.”

Shinsuke nodded, wondering if Takahiro would be poisoning his next muffin or not. Either way, he hadn’t realized how hard it had been for them to adopt their kids. His chest ached thinking about how much they had gone through in the last two years trying to get their boys and giving them the best home they could have had. Tooru was right, Shinsuke hadn’t even thought about how much easier he had it between Oomimi and being a qualified foster parent.

He still had to convince his boys that he wanted them, but first he had some major changes he needed to worry about.

“I understand… then let’s move on to the third thing. How many hours am I cutting from my work day?”