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justalads · 3 years ago

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c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps

alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.

(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)

it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.

this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.

wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.

basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!

does he do it? god no.

during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.

but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.

the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.

but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.

wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.

this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.

so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.

in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):

“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”

does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.

(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)

niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.

(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)

“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.

(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)

doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.

what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.

the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.

but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.

i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.

man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.

i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.

i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did. usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.

last thing i swear lol

during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.

during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.

niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.

if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.

to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.

anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(

~ Lad 2

#wilbur #c!wilbur #niki #c!niki #dreamsmp #dsmp #mcyt #rp #long post #dreamsmp analysis #dsmp analysis #revivedbur #pogtopia #lad speaks

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gentlemancowboy · 3 years ago

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#remind me to tell you about the time I brought up spn in conversation with a coworker before I was REALLY into it #and then the inevitable insane fallout of that convo I'M ASKING

Oh boy, okay anon, this got long because I don’t know how to be succinct, but you asked for it so here we go.

(the following recounting is posted with permission)

Let me set the scene: March 2020, the world is thrust into wide-spread lockdown due to the novel coronavirus. Cue me starting Supernatural for the first time because “what else is there to do?” I knew nothing about the show.

Zip. Zilch.

I ended up mentioning it during a Zoom work happy hour when we were talking about shows we were watching. The following is the first instance of Supernatural conversation with said coworker:

That was pretty much it for a couple months. But don't worry, it gets better (or worse, depending on your perspective).

Putting the rest below the cut because... it's long.

The next notable moment was coworker deciding to do a rewatch (they had previously watched up to s7).

Thus began us texting our reactions to the show. I’ll include some notable moments.

I was NOT initially a casgirl, though I do think the fact that OTHOAP was the turning point for me says a lot. Please note coworker’s casual response to this (this will be important later).

At some point, someone mentioned the term “Destiel” to me. I can’t remember when. But I was aware it was a thing. Now here’s where things pick up. These texts were all a few weeks apart.

I think it was at this point that Lie #1 was revealed that coworker had been way more into the show when they first watched it then they initially let one. Like fully on fandom Tumblr and LiveJournal and stuff. It’s fine. No harm. We came to the understanding that, “oh okay we’re both not normal about this, this is now a safe space.” Also funny side note: we at one point had a group chat with ANOTHER coworker but very quickly realized we were so far beyond where they were so we stopped talking to them about it.

We continued spiraling more and more. Coworker eventually ended up getting 4 seasons ahead of me in their rewatch. They broke the news about Destiel going canon to me, though at that point I was still on s11. Sharing some of those texts because our speculations were… well…

Sick and twisted.

Anyway, we finished the show, I signed back up for Tumblr in January 2021 after 7 years away, I start making gifs, reading fics. I see people talking about 4lw, don’t know what it is, ask coworker about it to which they said “never heard of it.” Lie #2. A couple months later they revealed that they read it way before I did. Fine. I get it. If you’ve read it, you know. Sort of a weird topic of conversation for coworkers. Moving on.

At this point, I’m now just fully in the fandom. Making gifs, writing fic, making amvs. The whole nine yards. I thought I had fully spiraled past where coworker was in terms of fandom involvement. Well…

October of 2021, they disclose that they had been writing Destiel fanfic since November 2020 (stream something suddenly everywhere).

And that’s pretty much it. We’re no longer coworkers but we remain very good friends that still don’t know how to shut up about this show.

I have a lot more hilarious anecdotes but this is already long enough.

#please don’t reblog :)#anon reply #sorry this is so long but it IS a funny story

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sugarmaplewings-fics · 4 years ago

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Horror Movie Headcanons

Pairing: BNHA boys x reader

Warnings: None

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Kirishima, Kaminari, Shinsou, Amajiki

Author’s Note: Hey everyone! Welcome to my fall special!!

This is the first of five works that I will be posting throughout the month of October to get into that fall/Halloween mood! I’ve been meaning to do this concept for a minute now, so I thought, what better time than during spooky month itself?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

-Sugar

.🍂🎃🍂.

Midoriya:

● Surprisingly, Izuku is pretty okay with horror

● It's not his favorite genre, but he's seen the classics

● Is totally down to watch them with you and listen to what you have to say about the movie

● You've gotten into some pretty in-depth and interesting conversations both during and after the movie, discussing things like plot and characters and cinematography

● He loves having little horror movie marathons with you, turning out all the lights and snuggling together under a blanket with some snacks

● He doesn't get scared too easily, but he still is super appreciative to have you right next to him during the movie

● I'd say Izuku probably prefers the older horror movies. He thinks the stories tend to be better and likes the general vibe they give him, if that makes sense

● All in all, scary movie nights make a wonderful date!

____________

Bakugou:

● He likes horror movies well enough

● They're not his absolute favorite, but the occasional adrenaline rushes he can get from them are good

● Only wants to watch horror movies that are actually scary. If he finds the movie to be bad, he'll turn it off

● If you do force him to watch a bad horror movie with you, he'll yell at the TV or laptop the entire time. Sometimes what he says is actually pretty funny

● He laughs at you if you scream or startle at something, and if it's particularly stupid he'll tease you about it for the rest of the week

● Katsuki isn't generally huge on cuddling, but sometimes he can get himself in the mood if you're alone together in the dark on your couch. Then you might find yourself warmly tucked under his arm for the remainder of the movie

● I see Bakugou as being into slasher films. I have nO iDeA wHy *king explosion murder*

● Altogether a good scary movie buddy. He's got some good picks under his belt to choose from (though it's rare that he rewatches anything)

____________

Todoroki:

● Shouto's pretty neutral when it comes to scary movies

● He doesn't hate them, but he's not super into them like you are

● They don't really scare him, since he just sees them as non-real movies

● He can appreciate gore, though, especially if you're one to point out the makeup effects done on the actors

● He's a good person to watch horror with, 8/10. No, he won't have very animated reactions at certain scenes, but it feels good to clutch onto his side if you were to ever get scared. Shouto really likes it when you do this, actually

● He doesn't really have a preference when it comes to what sort of horror movie he likes. As long as it's what you want to watch, he'll be happy to watch it with you

____________

Kirishima:

● Isn't a huge fan of horror movies, but doesn't hate them

● He'll be happy to watch them with you, but is more interested in action stuff as a movie preference

● I feel like he'd be more into monster or supernatural horror movies, although he's down for pretty much anything if it would mean spending time with you

● The clincher for watching scary movies with you is the snuggle opportunity. He gets an extra manly-ego boost if you get scared and clutch onto his hand or his side

● That isn't to say that he's immune to getting scared himself. You may end up holding each other at certain parts

● Eijirou is more into the experience than the movie itself

● Yells at characters for not being manly

● I think he prefers bad horror movies since they're pretty chill and sometimes funny, but certainly doesn't want to watch anything boring

● 6/10, please let this boy feel like he's protecting you

____________

Kaminari:

● Denki loves horror movies

● He strikes me as someone who is easily frightened by them, but that's what he likes

● Lives for hiding his face as he cuddles with you under a blanket, whether it be by hugging himself into the crook of your neck or even simply putting his hands over his eyes

● You've accidentally gotten shocked by him a couple of times from jump scares, but it's never enough to actually hurt and he feels pretty bad afterward

● He loves all kinds of scary movies, from old to new, good to bad, of any rating and any genre

● He has a special place in his heart for bad horror movies. These are the ones that don't really scare him, but it's making fun of them that is really entertaining to him

● He likes to make jokes about acting or effects if there are some glaring issues, and he's really good at lightening a mood if you're feeling nervous

● On the rare occasion that you're scared and he isn't, he loves having you curl up into him

● Literally he can't focus on the movie for a quick minute because oh my god, you're so cute and so close and eeeeee

● Is a messy snacker. Literally somehow popcorn gets everywhere all over the floor by the end. Neither of you know how this happens (he blames you sometimes)

● Watching horror movies with him is such a blast, it's literally one of your favorite dates to do together

● 11/10, you picked a good one

____________

Shinsou:

● He likes them well enough

● Like Bakugou, they're not his number one, but maybe a close second

● I'll peg him as enjoying supernatural stories, with ghosts and poltergeists and stuff

● He LIVES for when you snuggle into him when you get to a suspenseful part

● He likes to have little movie marathons late into the night with you, sometimes getting to the point where you fall asleep on his shoulder

● He's pretty good to watch horror with. He doesn't necessarily get scared by much of anything, but he's good at picking films to watch

● Prefers good scary movies to bad ones

____________

Amajiki:

● #not a stan

● Literally the only reason he'd watch a scary movie with you is if you begged him

● And then promised him plenty of cuddles afterward

● He doesn't like the extra anxiety they give him and just in general doesn't see the appeal

● It would be best to go easy on him, maybe start with some of the older, worse ones that aren't all that scary

● He still gets a little freaked out by them, but if/when you start making jokes about plot holes in the story or poor acting and directing choices, you might find him start to lower his hands from his face

● He'll never be too into the horror genre, but it's a small price to pay if it means curling up into your side for an hour and a half

● You may still need to watch some cartoons afterward to help get his mind off it; something good like Adventure Time or Steven Universe

.🍂🎃🍂.

Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @heartpaw12 @todoroki-waifu @basicaegyo @iiminibattlehero @katsugay @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @sendhelpimstupid @sokkasangel @xoxopam4

#midoriya x reader #deku x reader #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #denki x reader #kaminari x reader #shinsou x reader #tamaki x reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #reader insert #sugar hcs #sugar's fall special 2020

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fandomscombine · 4 years ago

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The Hargreeves Kerfuffle Part 1 : Disastrous Childhood (Prologue)

TUA Series Part 1: Disastrous Childhood

The Hargreeves siblings x Hargreeves!Reader (Familial Relationship)

An idea came to me at 2am after binging TUA S2 and rewatching S1 right after!

BG: The Reader is Number Eight. It follows how you fit into the structure of Season 1 and the family dynamic of the siblings.

This part follows when the young Hargreeves Siblings had their powers manifested and the development of The Umbrella Academy.

Contains: Sibling Angst and Fluff. Reginald being a crappy father but sometimes not really?

The series will consist of 10 parts. Where the reader would have a focused interaction with each sibling. (Eg. After this part, it would be Luther x Reader, then Diego x Reader and so on! –Yes Ben is included)

WC:2649

A/N: This is my first ever TUA fic and I’m doing a series. WOw ambitious I know. Anyways I hope you enjoy! And tell me how you feel about it!

>>MASTERLIST<<

>>THE HARGREEVES KERFUFFLE SERIES MASTERLIST<<

READ: [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4]

>>JOIN MY WRITING CHALLENGE!<<

On October 1, 1989, 43 women across the globe gave birth despite them not being pregnant when the day began. In news of this mysterious happenings, Sir Reginald Hargreeves immediately went out of his way to find as many of these special babies. He has successfully adopted 8 of these children and you were one of them.

One might think that when a person adopts not one, but eight kids would have so much love to give but they would be mistaken. Sir Reginald Hargreeves—Dad, was not a loving father. It would be a miracle for one to see the man show any other emotion apart from anger. Sir Reginald Hargreeves was distant and treated the children like they were experiments that the dynamic felt closer to a doctor/patient relationship. The children weren’t given actual names, only to be called by their numbers based on the order Sir Reginald Hargreeves had procured them. It was only when Grace, their robot mother insisted they have a real name, were the children given them. And so, the children were:

Number One - Luther Hargreeves

Number Two – Diego Hargreeves

Number Three – Allison Hargreeves

Number Four – Klaus Hargreeves

Number Five – Five Hargreeves

Number Six – Ben Hargreeves

Number Seven – Vanya Hargreeves

And finally,

Number Eight - y/n Hargreaves

For 6 years, the only special thing about the children was that they were miraculously conceived and birthed within a day, the same day. However, on the 7th year , October 1 1996, more strange things started to happen to the children.

It first started with Ben at breakfast. Dad as usual is cold and strict more so in the early morning. ‘Sit up straight Number Six.’ He directed without even a glance up from his newspaper at hand.

‘Yes Sir.’

Beside him you place your hand on his and whispered, ‘You alright Ben? You look sick.’

He gulped. ‘Yea y/n.’ Wiping the cold sweat off his forehead.

‘You sure?’ you questioned, not buying it.

‘Umhmm never bett-----’

You expected vomit to come out but what happen next is something you would never though was possible.

Screams broke out everywhere.

You feel yourself being raised above the table. Looking down, you were 5 feet off the ground held by what seemed to be tentacles.

‘Take that!’ You hear some shout then a thud. Diego had brought down a knife to the tentacle that had suffocated him and in now laying on the floor covered in green blood.

The sight finally snapped you out of your shock, your fight or flight reflexes kicked in.

A quick sweep of your surroundings showed Five and Klaus on either side of you, they too are struggling with the ever-tightening grip of the monstrous arm.

While on the ground, Vanya and Allison are making their way to Ben in hopes of helping him control whatever all this that was coming out of his body. While Luther is fighting off the arms away from Diego who seem to have broken his leg from the fall.

Dad, Mom and Pogo are nowhere to be seen.

You move your head to the left, knowing that Klaus doesn’t do well in small spaces. ‘Klaus it’s okay buddy, Dad would find a way to fic this. Just breathe’ You choked out ‘Just breathe Klaus, everything’s gonna be alright.’

‘mmmm!’ That was Klaus’ only reply but you were thankful to see him to fidget less. He seemed to have taken your advice – how much of the second part of that advice be true, you genuinely don’t know.

You try to move your head to face the right towards Five but no dice. The arm was wrapping itself closer to your neck. ‘Five’ you call out, but it was barely a whisper. ‘five..’

‘Y/N!!’ Five’s scream was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

‘She’s broken a couple of ribs and sprained her neck. But’s she’s gonna be okay. Just needs time to rest.’

‘And how long would that time Pogo?’

‘She would need to say in bed for 2 to 3 months, Sir.’

You open your eyes and are greeted with blinding white light. Dad, Mom and Pogo surround your bed.

Grace tucks a stray hair behind you ear. ‘My baby, y/n. How are you feeling?’

‘Sore.’ You reply, noting the coarse sound of your voice. ‘How’s Ben? Klaus? Vanya?—’

Grace cut you off. ‘They’re all fine y/n. Though Ben is a bit roughed up.’ She says truthfully.

‘Number Six has appeared to have powers of summoning monsters with his body and he is currently under supervision.’ Reginald stated.

But something didn’t fit right. ‘But how did you calm him down? The whole fiasco back there was in total chaos?’ Voicing out all your thoughts and questions. ‘No one could get him to take back control, unless…..’ You couldn’t continue the thought. Your eyes go wide. There was no way. It was too harsh, but it was dad after all, he would do whatever means necessary to get what he wants.

Your dad smiles proudly ‘Ah yes. Y/n ever the cleverest of the bunch.’ You had observed that he had addressed you in your actual name instead of your number for the first time in your whole existence. ‘Unfortunately, I had to sedate Number Six. You do understand that it was the only way.’

You open your mouth to argue.

‘No buts, Number Eight!’ Ah and now we’re back to number, you thought.

‘I’ll have Grace by you side whist you recover and Pogo here would relay your recovery progress to me daily.’

He was almost to your door when he faced you again. ‘Oh and Number Eight, When you feel something different or unusual. Do inform me of it immediately.’ And with that he left.

‘Pogo? What does he mean by feel different?’ Your nerves go up, worried about your siblings. ‘Is anyone hurt?’

Pogo sighs, after much contemplation he begins ‘Y/n dear. Today’s happenings uncovered that there are stranger yet special things about you children.’

You nod, not wanting to interrupt but also wishing he would hurry up and continue.

‘Ben isn’t the only one who have gotten powers today. During the kerfuffle, Diego has shown skill with a knife, Luther immense strength and Five had shown ability to teleport.’

Once again you found yourself in shock.

‘Your father has gotten the idea that you children have varying power wish are “activated” so to speak when reached the age of 7.’

‘Haha-OW’ You clutch your side.

‘Careful y/n, try not to do sudden movements—yes and that includes laughing too.’ Mom says, caressing your cheek.

‘When can I see them?’

‘I’ll try to persuade Reggie to allow them for a visit dear. But now I need you to rest.’

Sibling Visits are limited to 30 mins a day, right before the bedtime curfew.

All your siblings (expect Ben who was still under strict supervision and is recovering himself) came to see you the following night.

Allison was the first one through your door and ran to give you a hug. ‘Y/n! We are all so worried!’

‘Aww thanks—OW OW OW’

‘Oops sorry’ releasing you from her death grip of a hug.

Seeing that movements still hurt you. The rest opted not to hug you, Klaus and Diego held your hand, Vanya is sitting on the edge of you bed, Luther gave you forehead a quick kiss and Five being Five, greeted you with the typical sibling teasing. ‘Glad to see you not drop dead in front of me.’

Diego showed off his leg cast and asked you to sign it, which you happily did so. Signing ‘Badass as always. -y/n’ beside Ben’s note of ‘Diego is cooler than Batman’

The 30 minutes consisted recaps of what happened the day before, the gushing of the boys showcasing their powers and debating on who’s the most powerful.

And just like that, the time was up and each had to go to bed. Everyone kissed your head for goodnights, even Five.

‘You know I love you right?’ His eyes softer than you ever seen before

‘I know’

‘You really scared me yesterday when you blacked out.’ Five had his tough façade down. ‘I thought you died y/n.’

‘But I didn’t.’ You reach up to wipe his tears away. ‘It’d take something bigger, if you wanna get rid of me.’

He chuckled. ‘Night, y/n’

‘Good night, Five.’

3 weeks had passed, and your siblings never failed to visit you. Over that time, Klaus and Allison had manifested their powers. Klaus can conjure the dead while Allison could ‘rumor’ people to her will.

Ben came by 2 weeks later. His color is back to normal, not like the blueish tint it had the last time you saw him. Though he still had a few remnants of bruises and scars across his arms and face.

‘I’m sorry y/n.’ He said leaning on your door frame.

‘Ben!’ You exclaimed. ‘I’m so glad you’re back up and running!’

Ben was caught off guard. ‘You—You’re not mad at me?’

‘Why would I be mad at you?’ You questioned, genuinely confused at your brother’s words.

‘Cause, Cause I almost got you killed. I am a monster.’

You sat up straight at those words, your ribs hurt a bit at the sudden movement, but you didn’t care. Your brother was blaming himself for something he couldn’t have controlled.

‘NO BEN!’

Ben jumped from your sudden outburst.

You motioned for him to come closer.

‘Ben…’ looking into his eyes. ‘Ben you are no monster.’

‘But—’

‘uuh uh I’m not done’ You held his hand in yours. ‘You are no monster what happened then was an accident, nobody knew, heck nobody expected powers to just show up. It was beyond anyone’s control. It took us by surprise.’

His shoulders relaxed.

‘It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for what happened.’

He gave you a bone crushing hug. ‘Thank you y/n. You don’t know how guilty I was feeling.’ Voice muffled by your shoulder, which is now wet with his tears. ‘I kept thinking about the pain I caused you and I wasn’t allowed to leave my room even when I begged dad to see you and say sorry. y/n’

‘Shhh shhh’ Rubbing his back. ‘It’s alright Ben. What’s important is that we’re all here now. Alive, Safe and sound.’.

You still have a month left for recovery.

Only you and Vanya are the one left who haven’t had their powers revealed.

Dad had created a group called ‘The Umbrella Academy’ in which he trained your super powered siblings. He even given them codenames to go along with their newfound powers.

Number One - Luther Hargreeves aka Spaceboy

Number Two – Diego Hargreeves aka The Kraken

Number Three – Allison Hargreeves aka The Rumor

Number Four – Klaus Hargreeves aka The Séance

Number Five – Five Hargreeves aka The Boy

Number Six – Ben Hargreeves aka The Horor

With this new training program comes with the downside of spending less time with your siblings. Your traditional Sunday afternoon sister bonding time Allison and Vanya is basically non-existent now. Sure the rest of siblings still drop by to check up on how you’re recovering but it is not as frequency as they once were- you totally understand though, it must be tiring to be part of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ but girl were you still hurt and wanted more than anything to be a part of it.

So, you spend most of your time with Vanya nowadays. You didn’t mind, it is nice to have someone along. Most of the time Vanya practices her violin in your room.

‘That was beautiful Vanny’ you commented after she finished a rendition.

‘Thanks y/n’ Her face flushed. ‘Maybe someday I’d be a famous violinist!’

‘I know you would.’ You say truthfully. ‘And I better get the best seats at your concerts okay? Nothing short of VIP treatment for your favourite sister!’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Allison would get that.’ Vanya teased.

Placing a hand dramatically to your chest ‘uhh I am offended! I thought I was your favourite sister!’

‘well... you thought wrong.’ Vanya tried to keep a straight face but failed. ‘You y/n are the VVIP guest!’

‘Now that’s more like it.’

That night you were tossing and turning in your bed.

In the training room, huge boulders were being tossed onto Luther’s back. He currently had 3 on him. ‘More’ he cried. It was an impressive feat to see. A 7-year-old carry the what had to be at least 5 times his weight.

It was at his 6th block when his legs start to shake.

‘Straighten up Number One!’ Reginald voice came through the speakers.

‘I-I’

‘Fix your posture! And stop babbling!’

He was trembling all over, the weight was far too much and carried far too long for just a young boy.

Any second now, he is gonna be crushed by the boulders.

‘LUTHER!’ You screamed. Cold sweat was plastered all over your face. You were still in your room- but it all felt so real.

You look over to your bedside table, 9:07

Training would have started an hour ago. You had time.

You took the stairs two at a time, bursting into the training room. ‘STOP’

Reginald stood from his seat. ‘Number Eight. What in the world are you doing here?’

‘STOP! Luther is gonna get hurt please stop it--.’ Ignoring his question.

‘Number Eight, what are you talking about? Number One is doing perfectly fine!’ He gestured towards the front.

He was right. Luther looks fine. In fact it looked like it was carrying a light backpack instead of 3 boulders. ‘But- But I saw—’ Then it hit you 3 boulders. 3 not 6.

‘More’ You heard him cried out, just like you had in your nightmare.

You stared at Luther, how could this be?

‘I saw him sir, he is gonna collapse from 6 boulders.’

At this, Reginald took interest. ‘You saw?’

‘Yes, I-I must have dreamt it.’ You slumped against the free chair, defeated. ‘but it felt so real.’

‘Let me everything you saw, and don’t miss a single detail’

And so, you did. By the time you finished, Luther was with his 6th block.

It was exactly like how things went down in your dream. ‘No No NOOOO!’

‘Release him!’ Reginald called at the last second. Standing he faced you. ‘Now y/n dear would you please come with me.’

He didn’t speak again until you were both in his office. ‘It seems to me Number Eight that your powers have finally manifested.’

‘what—’

‘A slight delay compared to your siblings, but I presume that it was due to you recovering from your injuries that your body had focus on your recovery first then powers.’

‘What about Vanya? Would she have powers?’

‘It seems that Number Seven has no powers gained.’ Standing in front of you. ‘But no matter now, what’s important is that you’ve got them.’ He placed his hands on your shoulders. ‘You would do great things Number Eight. To see into the future is a valuable asset to have indeed. For this I shall name you Foresight.’

This was it! You own codename!

Number Eight - y/n Hargreaves aka Foresight.

‘I’m gonna be part of The Umbrella Academy?’ Overjoyed by your father taking pride in you that every other thought left your concern.

‘Yes Foresight. You will.’ Standing straight again. ‘However, your training would only start once you have fully recovered.’

‘Thanks Dad.’ Hugging him and for once showed the affection back.

You wish you could say that it was at this point where you and your siblings finally gotten a loving and healthy childhood. But you were wrong. Things only deteriorated from here on out with the Hargreeves household and by extension the dissolve of The Umbrella Academy.

END OF PART 1

READ: [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4]

Taglist [All]: @gruffle1

Taglist [TUA]: @herecomesthesun1969 @ultraviolet-m @winterierwriter @lordofthunderthr @alabaster1223

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popculturebuffet · 3 years ago

Text

Patreon Membership Drive: Turbo Championship Hyper Fighting Edition!

Hello all you happy people! For those wondering “who the hell is this.” I”m Jake Mattingly. I review animation and comics here on this tumblr 5 times a week, and love doing so. I do so by recapping an episode of an animated show or a volume of a comic piece by piece, how detailed depends on the work and how condensed it needs to be, analyzing the episode and sometimes throwing in some jokes because i’m a silly weirdo and tis my nature.

So far i’ve been able to scrape by with the help of my patreon’s kev and emma, with Kev suplimenting that iwth various comissions (I.e. paying me to review a specific episode of a show much like someone would comissoin). But I don’t want to place my entire finacial future in the hands of two people so last month I lauched my patreon membership, trying to get people to join my patreon to releive some of the pressure on them. And not a person signed on during the first month.

But I realize a large part of that is I simply didn’t advertise propertly, not really explaning what it is I do, what they get, or throwing in any extra incentives for signing up apart from “If so many people pledge to my patreon i’ll do X review” Which is still the main thrust of my campaign but I realized I need MORE than that to give you all proper money for your buck, especailly with Tumblr trying to monteize in the most half assed way possible making people presumibly more wary of spending money on me.

So for this promo i’m going into what it is I review exactly, how to sign up for my patreon and how any of that works, what you get out of it, and various juicy stretch goals i’m hoping ya’ll can help me reach so

WHAT IS IT YOU DO EXACTLY?

As I mentioned above I review animation and comics, more animation than comics. My meat and potatoes are Disney Duck works, primarily the 2017 reboot and the Don Rosa and Carl Barks comics. For the former i’ve done retrospectives on Lena’s arc, the Della storyline from season 2 and ALL the Season 2 storylines, the last one currently in progress. I intend to review the entire series, the lackluster tie in comics, and the this duckburg life podcast, though the last one has some strings attached we’ll get to under my goals. I”ve also been reviewing various Carl Barks first apperances and most importantly doing a complete retrospective on Don Rosa’s masterwork the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck.

I also review certain shows week to week, almost entirely Disney as aside from the True Colors Debacle they have the most reliable schedule and announce release dates farther in advance than Cartoon Network and Nick which just sorta pop up announce things. I covered all of season 3 of Ducktales and season 2 of amphibia (With season 3 coverage coming in october) and i’m currently reviewing Owl House every week till that hiatus hits.

Finally i’m currently looking at all the Tom Luictor episodes of star vs the forces of evil tracking both Tom’s character arc and the show’s steady decline straight into the dumps.

Comics wise i’m more sporadic but in addition to duck comics stuff, I’ve also been doing a retrospective on the Scott Pilgrim franchise: all 6 volumes of the comic, those reviews avaliable now and in two weeks from this post, just in time for the video game and movie anniversaries to finish things up. I recently started another one for the comic book Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye, I intend to finish one I did for New X-Men, and I have a few in my mind’s eye I want to do soon on John Ostrandre’s Suicide Squad run, Justice League International, and Mega Man that i’m going to do pilots for to see if anyone’s interested.

Finally recently i’ve started doing quick thoughts, quick reviews on recent stuff from trailers to full on movies I don’t have to cover normally.

So What Is Your Patreon?

Patreon is a site where creators can get paid for work and can put up exclusive content and what not. You pledge anywhere from a dollar a month, and become one of my patrons and help me do this blog for a living. I genuinely love writing about media, analyzing it and making weird jokes, and this lets me do that as my job and my passion. I simply don’t want to put finacing that on the backs of only two people.

So What’s In It For Me?

Unlike Tumblr itself I feel my supporters deserve to get the most bang for their buck. As such Patreon Membership starts at JUST ONE DOLLAR. That’s right for a dollar a month, 12 bucks a year so the price of a movie, you get access to my occasoinal exclusive reviews, exclusive poles once I get more than two members so that’s actually sensical to do to vote on reviews, and to pick a theatrical short when i review a bunch of them for character birthdays or holidays or just cause.

In addition to these though i’ve decided to sweeten the pot. ON SIGN UP ANY PATREON OF ANY TIER GETS ONE FREE REVIEW OF ANY SINGLE EPISODE OF TELEVISION OR ISSUE OF A COMIC BOOK. That’s right for just one buck, you get a review of your choice. Whatever you want. You want to force me to watch something you hate so someone else can bitch about it for you? Go on about an episode yo ulove? shine a light on something obscure? Well i’m your man and for ONE BUCK A MONTH, you can get that. Whatever you want put on my schedule as soon as I have room and your payment’s gone through.

And if you want me to review stuff on a more regular basis, five bucks a month gets you a review a month, same permaiters as above along with said free review. I will PERSONALLY make sure there’s a space on the schedule every month for your patreon review and review whatever you want no matter how good, bad or stuppid.

But that’s not ALL.

STRETCH GOALS:

To explain these better than what I did next time: My stretch goals are goals on my patreon: if I hit a certain number of Patreons I will review (Insert Thing Here) And these are meaty projects too: full season reviews, retrospectives and what have you and something’s unlocked with each person who signs up, adjusted from orignally basing it on price. So your dollar a month not only gets you your own review, but also will get my solemn vow to review a bunch of other thigns, and the more people who sign up the more thigns I’ll add to my plate. Not only that but just for this pledge drive i’m adding a bunch of super neat drive exclusvie stretch goals that will VANISH AT THE END OF AUGUST. dosen’t mean I won’t EVER do these reviews, but it does mean i’ll probably sit on them a bit.

TLDR: You singing up gets me to guarantee to review some extra stuff.

SO WHAT ARE THE GOALS.

I”m glad you asked. Each one is based on a person joining, so

REGULAR PATREON GOALS THAT AREN’T GOING TO EXPIRE BUT ARE STILL PRETTY NEAT:

One goal for each new patreon so

1 New Patreon: Starting off light but still juicy, I will review the complete season one of Amphibia across two posts. I’ve already rewatched the season recently, so all someone has to do is sign up and i’ll get on it in septmeber in time for season 3! And that’s not the only show as i’ll also review BOTH seasons of the birdtastic show after my own heart Tuca and Bertie!

2 New Patrons: This one’s a big lighter but you still get some neat things: for my scottaholics in the audience I will review the rest of Brian Lee O’Malley’s works so far: Lost at Sea (his first graphic novel) Seconds (his first post scott work) and Snotgirl (his first ongoing and first work he didn’t draw himself), which follow a girl trying to reclaim her soul/cat, an immature restrauntieur who discovers reality changing muschrooms, and an influencer who might of done a murder. For those who don’t really like Scott Pilgrim i’ll review a buch of paramount plus shows first seasons: Kamp Korral, the rugrats rugboot and iCarly. So if any of that sounds good get on the bus won’t you?

3 New Patrons: My juicest one and one that stands alone: I will review the complete first season of the Owl House across two posts. Every episode, every bit of lumity progressoin, every bit of foreshadowing in hindsight, all for you, all if three people join my patron. So if you want more bisexual magic, step up.

4 New Patrons: Duck Goals Woo-Ooo! This one unlocks a review from Duck Master Carl Barks EVERY MONTH. Not only that I will be taking suggestoins from my patrons , meaning you can help decide which ones I do! And while tha’ts plenty i’m jucing this one up as getting me this far also nets a review of This Duckburg Like, the interquel podcast that’s given us our last ducktales content for what will likely be an eternity.

5 New Patrons: Gravity Falls Retrospective! I”m not only talking both season of Alex Hirsch’s era defining masterpice, but also the side materials I have acess to: the shorts, Journal #3, and the lost legends tie in comic. I”d throw legend of the gnome gemulets in there two if I had a working 2ds or 3ds bu tas it stands this is what I got.

6 New Patrons: Avatarverse Retrospective. No not James Cameron the Bravest Pioneer’s movie he wants to turn into a franchise despite NO ONE wanting this please stop James, we’re begging you. Of course i’m talking about Avatar the Last Airbender, the epic franchise that’s blowing up in size. This will include all three books of Avatar: The Last Airbender, All Four Books of the Legend of Korra, and all the juicy side stuff I can cover: the sequel comics for both series, the kioshi novels and the eye gougingly bad M Night Shamlyn Movie. Yes I really will myself to that. I have not till now i’m happy that way but I will sufer for you. Speaking of suffering:

7 New Patrons: It’s a crapstravaganza! If i’ve made it this far I clearly have enough fan support that I can fly into the eye of the crapstorm so i’m going to review some of the worst things I can think of: * Chuck Austen’s X-Men the run that dared to ask the tough questions your coke addleed uncle you don’t let see your kids would like “What if Angel could cure AIDS with his blood and had sex with a minor while her parents watched?” “What if a rouge relgious sect tried to make Nightcrawler pope and then desingrate people with commuiion wafers in a scheme that makes no sense?” and “What if an x-man made a plant horny?” * America: The comic that has the infamous and oft used by me line to compare it to other bad lines “What in the holy menstration are you doing here”. And it’s still not the most bonkers thing int his somehow 12 ISSUE SERIES tha twastes one of marvels best creations. * The Prince: Aka that series HBO what farted out onto the service with no intention of renewal after realizing “Holy shit we greenlit this what is wrong with us” which is basically family guy but with the royal family. I’d say it was a somehow worse family guy but Famiily Guy once had an episode that was about 22 minutes of transphobic punchlines so as long as there isn’t an episode of that your good. * Mordecai is a Bastard Man: Aka that arc of Regular Show that took a ship I really liked, Mordecai and CJ, and then destoryed it with cheating, attempted murder and saxophone. *Star Vs Final Arc: Aka a look at how a once great show descended into a mess with unfinished plot lines, wasted characters and a finale so terrible it’s only topped by “Kids this is the story of how I really want you to say it’s okay to bang aunt robin” 8 New Patrons: Infinity Train, all four books and any finale movie if it happens. (Please let it happen) All aboard! 9 New Patrons: Two juicy disney retrospectives! The Incredibles (both movies and both comics series) and Darkwing Duck (Both the Boom! and Joe Books runs) Let’s get incredibly dangerous! 10 New Patrons: My highest tier for now and i’ts anothe rdouble feature and two big projects. If you get me this far, you’ve earned em: A She Ra and the Pricesses of Power Retrospective and a Bojack Horseman retrospective. The two greatest things Netflix has made back to back for life.

And THAT’S NOT ALL... as I said I have some special stretch goals JUST FOR THIS PLEDGE DRIVE.

SPECIAL DRIVE SPECIFIC GOALS BABY!:

These are a simple five extra projects for hitting the goals within the rest of the drive FROM AUGUST 1ST TO AUGUST 31ST. I will not add these to the regular goals for a full year if you do not reach them, so one buck helps you unlock projects that otherwise might not happen for YEARS. Like the other goals their measured by patrons but ONLY for this month sooooo

1 New Patron: Quack Pack series review! the most hated Disney Afternoon show in one big two part review. God help me. 2 New Patrons: Rise of the TMNT Retrospective: Both seasons, a movie and regular coverage on the offchance a third season hopefully gets greenlit. 3 New Patrons: Peanuts and Garfield Specials retrospective!: Retrospectives for the technicolor years long world of Peanuts specials and the shorte rlived but still neat garfield specails. All the specials plus all the animated movies for both! 4 New Patrons: Craig of the Creek-AThon: Rewatching season one and watching BOTH seasons i’ve missed since then with full reviews as well as reviews of each bomb of episodes as their released on teh app from here on out! 5 New Patrons: Steven Universe Retrospective! All 5 seasons, The Movie, Future, the comics, graphic novels and games. EVERY. THING.

So if ANY of this sounds enticing

STOP BY MY PATREON RIGHT HERE IN THIS LINK, SIGN UP TODAY, HELP ME GET PAID DOING WHAT I LOVE AND GET REVIEWS FOR EVERYBODY. YOU WON’T REGRET IT AND YOU’LL BE MAKING MY LIFE BETTER.

And even if you can’t support it feedback on the goals, reblogs to get the word out and general words of encouragment are appricated so join me as I try to get at least one extra dollar a month in the span of this month. PITTER PATTER, let’s get at er!

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shocotate · 5 years ago

Note

📚

Yay, here are some headcanons for my newest fic :3 I hope you like them!

Headcanons/Facts about “Carried Away”

1. While I was writing this I rewatched The Lord of the Rings. Though it was already going to be set in the early morning, I think I remembered Legolas’s line ‘A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night.’. I think that’s fitting for the aftermath of the Crest since the fires probably accounted for some of the red tint of the sky, even though it is autumn so red morning skies are more likely as well :)

2. The comet mentioned in the first paragraph is Halley’s Comet. In 1835 the comet first appeared in August and was visible in the sky past the end of October. Pride and Lust, having seen it before three and two times respectively, anticipated its return since they first began their separate acts in the spring of 1835, and were delighted at how bright it had become by the time of the Crest. I’m sure watching it together from their hotel balcony became a nice pastime for them during their three week stay there after the Crest.

3. The neighbourhood boys have actually have been mentioned a long time ago in another fic of mine. Pride thinks of them in chapter 2 of “Birds of a Feather”, so it was nice to finally mention them again. You can tell how long I’ve wanted to write something about this particular Crest ^^

“Me and my friends played all summer once. It was great.” He thought of his months blending among the local boys in the south, decades before.

He remembered the smell of freshly cut grass, the crisp summer heat, grazed knees and bruises (none for him) and muddy clothes, playing with their lumpy, rudimentary football, him forging ahead of his team-mates and – naturally – scoring the most goals every time. Why should he wait for others to do what he was far more capable of himself?

Where they thought he could not see, the children called him a show-off, a spoilsport, but his unmatched talent spurred them on. Though Pride seemed thesame age as them, they looked up to him both in and out of their games, and when the bloodshed erupted around them they huddled together amid the chaos, as though if they hid in the dark corners they would be safe.

4. To the surprise of all, Lust actually makes wonderful tea. I’m sure Pride regrets avoiding it for so long. Hopefully the rest of the brothers will get to enjoy it as well when Pride convinces them to try it. Whether she is just naturally great, in the same way she is naturally terrible at cooking, or improved a lot during her time in the Homunculus café scheme in the 1700s, is a mystery~

5. Pride’s real Ouroboros is somewhere on his shadowy form, but because it is constantly moving Lust has never managed to see it for long enough to either identify it or let him know before it goes away again. It’s almost always on a shadow that he instinctively doesn’t let outside of his container, so he doesn’t know about it himself, either. Also, because my beta reader suggested Lust go over board with it, and Pikachu-style sounded cute, as well as the shoulder one, since I mentioned it in my other headcanon about the stamping.

Send me a name of a fanfic I wrote And i’ll give you five facts/headcanons about it!

#Fullmetal Alchemist #Selim Bradley #Lust the Lascivious #fma brotherhood #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma fanfiction #Pride the Arrogant #jupiterprincesshouou #shoco writes #my headcanons

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kristallioness · 5 years ago

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2016 | 2017 | 2018

*quietly sneaks back in*... Happy New THIS Year, my dear followers! In Estonia, we have this saying that if you wish someone a 'happy new year' after Three Kings' Day (the 6th of January), you gotta have a bottle of alcohol with you and give them a drink. *lol*

Anyways, I would like to apologize for the sudden disappearance that happened prior to Christmas. I was just busy travelling back home for the holidays, unpacking and putting away my stuff, watching some great, traditional movies or shows on TV, and most importantly, working on those 2 latest masterpieces that I posted (which barely got 30 notes each.. *sigh*).

But as you can (and probably will) see, the year of the yellow earth pig (i.e. my dad's year) was a rollercoaster of emotions and accomplishments, or lacking thereof.

My creative side seems to have suffered the most due to lack of leisure time. I only managed to finish 3 full digital drawings and left behind several sketches or unfinished WIPs (2 of which are revealed here under the months of June and November for the first time, I intend to finish the Korrasami one btw). At least I got to start 2020 with a completed drawing on the very 1st day, ha-ha! Perhaps that's a good omen for this year?

If so, then I hope I'll find the time to finish the rest of the 2019 Inktober prompts, since I only did 4/31 this past October (even though I'd thought of ideas for all of them). I brought all the necessary drawing utensils and sheets of paper with me, so whenever I'm in the mood, I'll try to sketch another one.

*calculates for the nth time*.. I wrote 18,110 words worth of fanfiction, plus 820 words for the UYLD prompts (making the total 18,930). Technically, you can count another 8k+ in there, since it comes from that unfinished story (of Aang taking care of a flu-ridden Katara, as illustrated by the September sketch), which I haven't finished within the last 4 months or so. Plus, I barely wrote 1/5 of the amount compared to 2018.. *hides in shame*

Then again, I was an excellent pupil for picking up an actual book and reading through 150+ pages (which means I have ~300 pages to go). I'm talking about the new Kyoshi novel that came out. As I once said, I haven't voluntarily read a book in years make that 2 years ago (most of the reading I've done in my life is either Tom & Jerry comics, now the Avatar comic trilogies and art books as well as fanfiction online, or compulsory reading during school). But this novel is freaking fantastic superb!

Not only that, I bought all the new comic trilogies and managed to read them through. Damn, did they give me feels.. especially "Ruins of the Empire" (ngl I squeed so hard when I saw the Korrasami farewell kiss on the 1st page of the 2nd part). I can't wait to read the 3rd part this year!

However, I failed to rewatch Avatar last year, and I haven't seen Korra since.. 2016, I believe? Wow, that's 4 whole years.. But I intend to fix that mistake starting from 2020. Hopefully I'm in the mood to start my rewatch this weekend tonight. *fingers crossed*

But as I said, I had much less time to focus on my hobbies since 2019 was the year for finally moving on with my life (sort of, I'm still working on it). I still remember how down I'd been feeling for a while and how valid those emotions really were. The first quarter of the year (+ like a month or two) was a continuous descent into desperation and feelings of utter failure, which already started around the 2nd half of 2018 and only continued to deepen around that time.

Everything began to change when I was first chosen to be part of a 2-month summer internship in an IT company, and I had to start building a new nest in a new location in Tallinn this May. And now, I feel like I've hit the jackpot by getting a permanent job in another IT company this October.

I got the opportunity to work in two different fields, in two different teams within a year. I met some awesome colleagues (a lot of whom are foreigners) and got the chance to really put my English skills to the test.

Thanks to the new job, I also had to go to a free health check, which went really-really well. Despite my nervousness in the beginning, I feel much more relaxed about my physical (and mental) health, cause the results showed that everything's okay (something I'd been worried about since March 2017).

Speaking of health or staying healthy, there were a few sports events that I went to, too. Our team held the first winter team event (it was the first one for me, at least) by going to do archery in a range on the outskirts of the capital.

I watched the football match between 2 teams of our local league at my hometown together with my dad on his birthday. Our home team won the match and came in 4th place overall in the league this year, which is their best result so far (I'm really proud!). And merely days before I started work, I visited the Tallinn International Horse Show for the first time (also with my dad). I last got to watch horses jump over fences or dance to their musical programs ~ 10 years ago, and I loved it!

Event-wise 2019 was pretty full of them. As has become tradition, I went to the Defence Forces parade on our 101st Independence Day (which seemed rather bleak compared to the centennial, even more so since we didn't have ANY snow at the time).

What will hopefully become new traditions, I visited the television tower on the Restoration of Independence Day (where Uku Suviste gave a free concert in the evening), and went to the Veteran's Rock concert (to honour our war veterans) on our Freedom Square on the 23rd of April (since I'm residing in the capital now, I should be able to go again this year).

To continue with the centennial celebrations (yes, some things are STILL turning 100), I saw and explored inside the armoured train no. 7 called "Wabadus" ("Freedom") in the Baltic Station. This armoured train was one of the keys that led our country to victory during the War of Independence from 1918-1920.

There was an even bigger (150th) anniversary to celebrate in the beginning of July, when I attended our Song and Dance Festival. This was a really important, if not the biggest event of the year. I intend to make a longer post about my experience, cause it's something that you foreigners need to see for yourself. I can't simply describe or put it into words, I have to show you some videos and photos.

But while we're on the topic of concerts, I should mention that I went to 2 more at the beginning of June - Bon Jovi and Sting - as well as 2 that were part of Christmas tours in December - Elina Nechayeva and Rolf Roosalu.

Besides that, I went to 6 different festivals, half of which I'd been to several times before, such as the Türi Flower Fair, Jäneda Farm Days (where I went on my first helicopter ride for my 25th birthday present) and the Christmas market in the Old Town of Tallinn.

The other half is comprised of festivals that I'd been considering going to for a while, or which took place for the first time. The latter applies to the Black Food Festival, whereas the "Valgus Kõnnib" ("Wandering Lights") and the duck rally, both of which took place in Kadriorg, fall under the first category.

The duck rally is a charity event held in the beginning of June. Regular people can buy at least one (or several) rubber bath duckies for different prices, which will then be dumped into a tiny stream that'll carry them towards the finish line. This event has grown more popular each year, and the money the Estonian Association of Parents of Children with Cancer (sorry, long name in English!) collects is donated to the Cancer Treatment Fund.

*wipes forehead*.. Phew! I'm surprised, that's a whole lotta positivity for 2019. I think there's one more important, but seriously negative topic I haven't covered yet, but I feel should be mentioned and explained.

When it comes to politics, 2019 was a complete disaster for us. EKRE (Eesti Konservatiivne Rahvaerakond in Estonian, or Estonia's Conservative People's Party in English) i.e. our populist/nazi/pro-Trump party is in the government as of April 2019, thanks to 100,000+ idiots (out of our population of 1.3 million) who voted for them and gave them 19/101 seats in the Parliament.

No, I am NOT going to apologize for calling them a nazi party, because their main leaders have repeatedly supported ideology that's common to nazis (they use aggressive rhetoric, blame the media for making them look bad, downgrade women, minorities, are racist, anti-semitic etc...). And I will not apologize in front of the people who voted for them, because "thanks" to this, EKRE has dragged our country's reputation straight through a mud puddle (not to mention the scandals that have accompanied 5 of their ministers, 3 of who have THANKFULLY stepped down from their positions) and.. *swears like the British*.. it's BLOODY EMBARRASSING.

I am done being nice, I have at least some kind of prejudice about anyone who supports them or their ideals. And I will certainly not let Estonia end up like America. So that is why I participated in two protest events against EKRE and our current government (because the 2 other parties, who were willing to form the coalition with them, are spineless jellyfish that simply seek to hold onto their current positions of power). I'm willing to take bets as to when our government falls (the sooner the better).

*shakes off the frustration*.. Brrr! So besides that, I guess the only downside to 2019 was my spare time falling back in the list of priorities (which shows in the empty square of July).

2020 is gonna be the year of the white metal rat. I can only hope (and take action so) that it'll be just as eventful, and much more creative than 2019. Thank you all for following me (or lurking anonymously) for so long, especially to the bloggers who've offered me support through better or worse! *raises a glass* Here's to 2020!.. *sip*

#personal #shards of Kristal

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inazuma-hq · 6 years ago

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Inazuma Showcase Spotlight: @yuumanosaka / @lulurionu

[tumblr] [art tumblr] [twitter] It shows two girls holding plushies of the person they love the most! obviously, the right is Nae holding Norika, which represents my current Inazuma OTP! and then there’s the girl on the left, which actually shows my OC holding Gouenji. she just represents as myself holding Gouenji, who is my favorite character in inazuma hhgjkd

Introduce yourself! Hello everyone! I'm Lulu. I'm 20 years old, I live in the Philippines, and I've been a fan of Inazuma Eleven for a really really really long time! I'm a mainly illustration artist, but I'm also partly a writer in the Inazuma fandom! Though, I did start out as a fanfiction writer, I gradually shifted to becoming an artist, mainly because of my interests towards art and desire to have it as a career in the future.

How long have you been a fan? How did you discover Inazuma Eleven? Somehow, I still remember how I first knew about Inazuma. It was around August 2010, and I was at home during that time. It was nighttime in our place, but it happened before dinnertime. I walked to the living room of my house where I saw that the TV was on and my brother was watching something. The channel that was on was Cartoon Network, and the show that was airing right now was...?

It was a bunch of kids playing soccer, against...aliens?! It was that episode where Epsilon was introduced, and Kogure (or Scotty, as how I first knew him) first played for Raimon. Intrigued, I sat down and continued watching it with my brothers. And then the episode finished, but it was around then that I caught on the name of the show that I watched. Inazuma Eleven, huh? Oddly, I can't remember myself watching the rest of the episodes after that...sort of. I somehow remember watching the last few episodes (of the Aliea arc), and honestly, I really enjoyed those episodes so much that I wanted to watch it all again! It was September 2010, and I began my habit of watching continuously the Aliea arc episodes from Gouenji's return, up until the finale of the Dark Emperors...with the dub version. Somehow, CN Philippines' website had those episodes, and I would find myself watching those episodes everyday after school. But as time went on, I craved for more. I was curious if there was more to Inazuma than just fighting aliens. So I searched it up on Google, and the answer I had wanted was true. There were MORE Inazuma episodes! More than A HUNDRED! I quickly typed up Inazuma Eleven Episode 100 on Youtube, because I was curious to know what was the 100th episode. And I watched it, obviously, and to my surprise...it was about Xavier...and Scotty? Why are they called Hiroto and Kogure?? Why are they together??? It was October 2010, and around this time, I discovered the original Inazuma series...in JP audio! I just continued watching the series after, finishing the original series immediately after it aired and moving on to the GO series. I also constantly rewatched a lot of the episodes during that time! I was really obsessed with Ina11, but it honestly really made me happy so I'm not complaining!

How has Inazuma impacted you since discovered the series? What does Inazuma mean to you? What has made you stick around? I think, if anything, Inazuma is the series that really cemented majority of my interests and made me who I am today!

Inazuma is the series that really made me start out both writing and drawing, it's the series that made me realize that anime is my main interest in media, and it's what got me engaged in the Internet and fandom engagement!

Also, because of Inazuma, I made so many friends! Many of my friends I met here, we all came from Inazuma! And I would like to meet and make even more friends!!!

And this series, it...really means so much to me. I really, really, really love Inazuma??? It's hard to explain how much I love this series. I honestly feel like I fundamentally wouldn't be where I am today without Inazuma, seriously! Despite it being such a pretty unpopular series, I love this series so much to bits;;;;;

I mainly stuck around because...I guess, the series really kept me interested?? Inazuma is one of those series I don't think I would ever let go,. It's too important to me! It's hard to say with words why exactly I stayed hdhhfksj;;

Who are your favourite characters from Inazuma Eleven and why are they your favourites? I started out without really having a solid favorite, until the episode where Raimon and Epsilon Kai happened. Episode 52, specifically.

Back then, I was in despair that Raimon was losing against Epsilon! And there was also a mysterious boy in a orange hoodie who kept popping up. He seemed to be in danger, why? (Please note I started watching Inazuma from Fubuki's debut.)

And then after going through a lot of trouble with aliens, the mysterious boy came to the field. I was confused to who he was, until he took off his hoodie and all of the Raimon cheered happily to see who he was.

It was Gouenji (or Axel back when I first watched)! I didn't know him at all, but from the past episodes I've watched, everyone seemed to admire him a lot. I wonder why?

And I got my answer when he began to play.

I JUST HJHKJHFDJKGF 12 YEAR OLD ME WAS AMAZED BY HIM???? HE WAS SO COOL, DODGING THEIR PLAYS AND WHEN HE SHOT FIRE TORNADO I WAS SCREAMING SO MUCH IN JOY. AND THEN THE MOMENT HE SHOT BAKUNETSU STORM WAS SO AWESOME, AND THAT SHOT OF HIM WHERE THE GOAL MADE IT IN AND HE HAD THIS COOL SMILE. IM SO!!!!!!

IT WAS RIGHT THEN AND THERE THAT HE WOULD BE MY FAVE. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE GOUENJI. i love one good flame boy sO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops, sorry for...that. I'll be honest though, I fell in love more when he was Ishido??? Though, initially, I wasn't...accepting of this change of his. It was pretty hard for then 13 year old me at the time to accept that he was playing the bad guy! But I've changed my ways and realized...Ishido good. All Gouenjis Good.

Though, enough of Gouenji! I have other faves in the series as well!

In the OG series my faves are Kazemaru, Fubuki, Hiroto, and Haruna! My faves in GO are Kinako, Kariya, Taiyou, and Manabe! And my faves in Ares/Orion are Nae, Nosaka, and Norika!

It's hard to explain why I love them so much?? Since I got to know most of them when I was much younger and just liked them if they gave me...feelings. Anyways, yeah! Tbh, I love most of the characters in Inazuma anyway! They're all good and I appreciate them for what they are, even if they don't get to shine so much!!

Any favourite pairings? OTPs, BROTPs? Initially, I never really liked any ship in Inazuma, but I think the first pair I fell in love was RanMasa! It's my very first otp ever, so it holds a special place in my heart!

Now, aside RanMasa, I also really love NoriNae, KazeSaku, Honoo no Pride poly (Gouenji, Fubuki, & Someoka), HiroMido, Taiten, and NishiYuu!

As for BROTPs, I love Break Trio, Ares Teikoku, GO Raimon First Years, and Ares Hakuren!

Has there been any particular favourites moments within Inazuma Eleven so far? Why are they your favourites? Obviously, my favorite has got to be the Gouenji's comeback in the Aliea arc! Mainly because it's what solidified my love and appreciation for the flame striker! Though if there two other scenes that left a huge impact on me, it was probably Chrono Stone's Episode 18. Particularly, Kirino's inner struggle on how he feels that he can't keep up with Shindou, and then Kariya comes in and helps him by pretending to be sick so Kirino can go with Raimon instead to the France era. And the other, is the whole Dark Emperors versus Raimon match! I loved that episode with Kirino's struggle, mainly because it's kind of what made me love RanMasa and also appreciate both characters a lot more. Kirino is more than a pretty face, and despite Kariya knowing that he isn't on best terms with Kirino, decides to help him. It's really touching, actually, it made me love the ship!

As for the Dark Emperors versus Raimon match, it's...hard to explain why I like it so much? I think it's because I've always liked the trope of friends to enemies (for a time), and it kind of made me appreciate Kazemaru and Endou's friendship a lot!

What do you hope to happen for the next 10 years of Inazuma? Anything on your Inazuma wishlist you hope to happen in the future? Whether it be in Orion or any future IE series? I just hope nothing bad happens to the OG and new cast in Orion, please let them all play happy soccer ;____; and also, maybe an alternate GO series that follows after the Ares-verse??

Mention some awesome people, blogs or twitter accounts in the community To my long-time Inazuma PH pals, Lou, Sukki, and Ven, thank you for sticking with me for a really long time! Without Inazuma, I probably wouldn't have met you guys!! Also to my new Inazuma PH pals, Aru, thank you and hopefully we continue screaming abt Inazuma for the years to come!!

And to all the new Inazuma pals I've made during the past months since I got back into the fandom, thank you for all the fun times!! You're all cool and I love you all!

Thank you for taking part in the showcase Lulu! If you’d like to take part in the Inazuma Showcase Spotlight event, please follow the details in this post here!

#inazuma eleven #inazuma showcase spotlight #yuumanosaka #lulurionu

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odanurr87 · 6 years ago

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Recreating a puzzle: A look at Voltron’s Seasons 3 through 7

A few days ago I happened to watch a video recommended to me by YT titled, “How Voltron Became a Tragedy | Part 1: Production.” This video essay, referencing other sources, expounded upon the show’s multiple production issues, but in particular how and why the roles of Shiro and Keith changed as the series progressed. At the end of Season 2, it is pretty much accepted by everyone that Shiro had either died or vanished, leading Keith to reluctantly take up the mantle of Paladin of the Black Lion at the beginning of Season 3, something that had been (weakly, to my mind) set up in the previous season. That was exactly the story the executive producers, Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos, had originally envisioned: Shiro’s death fighting Zarkon during Season 2′s finale would be the catalyst that would push Keith into the leadership position in Season 3.

For better or worse, Shiro had apparently been well received by audiences, so much so that Dreamworks’ executives were banking on him to sell toys (see here). There was only one problem, Shiro was already dead and Season 3 was probably well into production, if not finished already. There was only one thing to be done, Season 3 would’ve to be edited to bring everyone’s favourite space dad back to life. After watching The Sin Squad’s video, I decided to rewatch some of the seasons, starting with Season 3, but looking at them with a more critical eye, and bearing in mind that Shiro would have to be inserted into a season that hadn’t originally accounted for him. I watched up to and including Seasons 6 and 7 to see if I could make sense of... other issues. I wanted to see for myself what the author of the video essay was arguing. In the end, I think I managed to piece together what the original Season 3 was meant to look like and then some.

NOTE: The following is pure speculation on my part. It’s nothing more than a fun mental exercice that I decided to engage on, but I think it’s probably on the right track. I’ll let you, the reader, decide.

Buying time: The new Season 3 of Voltron

It should come as no surprise that with the mandate to resurrect Shiro in a season that no longer featured him and was probably wrapped up or close to, the creators would need to buy some time to effect the necessary changes to the existing episode line-up. I believe this explains why Season 3 went on to have only 7 episodes, as opposed to the standard 13 of previous seasons, as they just didn’t have enough time to work on all 13 episodes. Season 3 was released on August 4th, 2017, while Season 4 was released on October 13th, 2017. While I’m not arguing the creators used these three months to work specifically on Season 4 (I wouldn’t know, but I’m guessing they probably had it wrapped up sometime before), it is probably indicative of the delay caused by the rewrites. This new Season 3, comprised of only 7 episodes, would feature at least one completely new episode designed to re-introduce Shiro, Episode 305 “The Journey.” Furthermore, Episode 306 “Tailing a Comet” would be edited to incorporate Shiro, but the editing would be constrained by preventing Shiro from joining the team on the mission via the Black Lion not recognizing him as her Paladin. After this, we’re only left with one more episode in the new Season 3, and that’s “The Legend Begins,” a story that conveniently focuses on the old Paladins of Voltron and so requires minimum tampering. I cannot say for certain “The Legend Begins” was a new episode, but I’m leaning towards the notion that it was crafted to serve as the new Season 3 finale, as we would only have been through half the season at that point and the previous seasons didn’t have a mid-season finale. But this could only serve as a temporary solution, as Shiro couldn’t possibly be benched for the entire season or else there would’ve been little point in bringing him back. If Shiro had to come back no matter what, then Keith would have to go.

Welcome to the future, Keith.

In Episode 401 “Code of Honor,” we see Keith is now working with the Blade of Marmora on what are supposed to be temporary assignments as he’s still acknowledged by the team as the pilot of the Black Lion. Meanwhile, the rest of Team Voltron are on parade duty, trying to build a coalition to stand against the Galra Empire. This episode always rubbed me the wrong way as it created a friction between Keith and the rest of the team that wasn’t there a few episodes ago. His joining the Blades came out of nowhere and Shiro’s harsh attitude towards Keith (“This isn’t a request, Keith. That’s an order.”) was very much unlike him. While I don’t dismiss the possibility out of hand that some version of this episode may have existed in some form, I agree with others who’ve suggested “Code of Honor” was probably a new episode that was never part of the original Season 3 line-up. Keith had to go and Episode 401 was created to explain away his absence. Out of the remaining 5 episodes of Season 4, the next 2 have minimal Shiro presence, and Episode 404 “The Voltron Show!” adds nothing to the overarching storyline, but it has some nice meta references to executive meddling as The Sin Squad’s video astutely points out. After these, we’re left with the two-parter, “Begin the Blitz” and “A New Defender,” and it’s curious to note Keith only returns in an active role in the latter (he had previously appeared in “Begin the Blitz” standing next to Kolivan on a view screen, but didn’t even talk). However, I can’t help but realize Keith’s actions in the Season 4 finale are largely irrelevant and replaceable, what makes sense as Keith was originally slated to lead Voltron in this strike against the Galra.

Another thing I noticed was that it is Lance who goes into a motivational speech telling Allura how she is “the one who brought everyone together” and how she is “the heart of Voltron,” giving her the confidence she needed to connect with Voltron on a deeper level. I can’t help but think that, with Shiro there, he would’ve been the natural candidate for that kind of talk as that is what leaders are supposed to do, and what Shiro has been known to do in the past. On the other hand, if it wasn’t Shiro but Keith who’s supposed to be there, then the idea of Lance giving the speech makes more sense, as he was also the one who talked Keith into accepting the Black Lion’s decision and taking up the mantle of leadership.

There is another possible take on this scene that I can’t dismiss altogether and that’s been nagging at me ever since I finished piecing this together. It’s possible Keith was originally slated to talk Allura into connecting with Voltron and not Lance, proving he had grown into his leadership role. With Keith gone, there would’ve been no problem reworking the scene to fit Shiro. However, I wonder whether romance had a part to play in this matter. It’s possible the scene was reworked to have Lance talk to Allura instead in order to set up a potential relationship in the future or perhaps to account for one that had already been set up. This might also explain that bizarre scene in Episode 503 where Lance unlocks King Alfor’s bayard... never to be seen again until Season 8. You can see the dangers of trying to reverse-engineer what exactly went on behind the scenes with limited data.

Who was originally supposed to give this speech? Maybe we’ll never know.

The episode ends with Lotor making an eleventh hour appearance to save Voltron (stealing Keith’s thunder). In the end, I think it wouldn’t be too far from the truth to surmise the following from Seasons 3 and 4:

Episodes 301 to 304 were part of the original Season 3 storyline where Keith would slowly grow into his role as leader of Team Voltron while also serving to introduce a new foe, Prince Lotor (who coincidentally has a Voltron-like team of his own and is also half-Galra).

Episode 305 was not part of the original Season 3 storyline, and was crafted as a response to executive pressure to bring back Shiro.

Episode 306 was reworked to feature Shiro but retained the core of an original Season 3 episode.

Episode 307 was probably a new addition to serve as season finale.

Episode 401 was a new episode meant to explain Keith’s absence from the team.

Episodes 402 and 403 were part of the original Season 3 storyline, edited somewhat to change Keith into Shiro.

Episode 404 was definitely a new addition and I posit that it was probably created to comply with a mandatory 13 episode order for each season (I’ll explain why shortly).

Episodes 405 and 406 were part of the original Season 3 storyline, reworked to turn Keith into Shiro, while also giving the new Keith something to do.

If we can agree on the above, then another issue presents itself. If 4 out of the 13 episodes of the original Season 3 are new, then what happened to the original 4? Have they been lost to us forever on the cutting room floor? It would seem like a waste of effort and time that I doubt the creators could afford. I did ponder this for a while and thought it was a futile exercice at first... until I finally asked the right question. What was the real ending of the original Season 3? If new episodes could be created and old ones reworked, there was no reason to believe some couldn’t be reshuffled, so why should we assume that "A New Defender” was always a season finale? And if it wasn’t, well, what was the original ending?

Season 5 and the “lost” Season 3 episodes

I feel this is a natural extension of what The Sin Squad’s video argued so don’t give me too much credit. It was pretty obvious, really. Where else could the original Season 3 finale go but forward into Season 5? On a hunch, because I didn’t recall the exact details of the episode, I checked the 4th episode of Season 5, “Kral Zera.” I skimmed all the way to the end to see if the episode had the makings of a season finale and was rewarded by this...

Fuck me if this isn’t just about a perfect way to end a season that makes you giddy with anticipation.

This was a very good sign, but I had to make sure so I skimmed through the first three episodes of Season 5 as well as a couple after Episode 504. The result was better than I could’ve hoped for. Not only do we see a Shiro that is an asshole to Lance in Episode 503, but we also see him side with Lotor against the rest of Team Voltron, not to mention he had the balls to lend him the black bayard during his fight with Zarkon and also goes against the team’s decision and backs Lotor anyway in his bid for the throne. This is not Shiro, this is not Kuron, this has Keith written all over the place. Only Keith would act so recklessly and impulsively, perhaps conflicted by a kinship with Lotor due to their shared Galra heritage, coupled with his usual desire to settle things quickly and often on his own. Also, if you pay close attention, Shiro stops being an asshole and acting out of character after these first four episodes of Season 5! Last but not least, the focus of the story after Episode 504 shifts to Allura's relationship with Lotor and their work to unlock the secrets of Altean magic, not to mention Keith takes on a more active role than the one he had had up to this point.

And thus we now have a clearer picture of what the original Season 3 was supposed to be about. It was the story of Keith and Lotor, the parallels and differences between two people with shared Galra heritage who had been groomed to become leaders. It was the story of Keith trying to fill the hole left by Shiro as the leader of Voltron and succeeding and failing in equal measure. It was the story of Lotor trying to leave his father’s shadow and ascend to the throne of the Galra Empire the only way he knew how, the Galra way. It was a story that would see new alliances forged to overthrow the old regime and have Keith make a decision that would have lasting repercussions for Voltron and the universe at large. It would’ve been as tight a season as its predecessors had been and this is what I think the season might have looked like at one point:

Episode 301: Changing of the Guard

Episode 302: Red Paladin

Episode 303: The Hunted

Episode 304: Hole in the Sky

Episode 305: Reunion (currently Episode 402)

Episode 306: Tailing a Comet

Episode 307: Black Site (currently Episode 403)

Episode 308: Begin the Blitz (currently Episode 405)

Episode 309: A New Defender (currently Episode 406)

Episode 310: The Prisoner (currently Episode 501)

Episode 311: Blood Duel (currently Episode 502)

Episode 312: Postmortem (currently Episode 503)

Episode 313: Kral Zera (currently Episode 504)

Feel free to rewatch these episodes and draw your own conclusions.

Beyond Season 5: The many returns of Shiro

Having arrived at this point, after more or less successfully restoring Keith from the Shiro/Kuron clone and reconstructing the original structure of Season 3, one feels almost compelled to find more evidence of similar tampering, and therein lies the danger of pushing a theory too far. I watched Seasons 5 and 6, paying close attention to Shiro and Keith to see if either could be replaced, but I’m afraid I didn’t see anything to make me suspect the episodes had been edited in a similar fashion. I am led to believe that the season restructuring that went on behind the scenes bought the creators enough time so that the remaining episodes of Seasons 5 and 6 were built from the ground up to accommodate the change in narrative, namely having Shiro as the leader of Team Voltron while Keith was doing his own thing with the Blades. This is not to say however, that Season 6 wasn’t tampered in any way, shape, or form, but if so, it was done to accommodate other issues in the ongoing narrative of the show.

Introducing Kosmo, the cosmic wolf.

Of particular interest is Kosmo’s impromptu appearance in Episode 602 “Razor’s Edge,” a sort of cosmic wolf that has the unusual ability to teleport and whose design bears a curious resemblance to Shiro, as has been previously noted by @ptw30 here. If memory serves, Kosmo only ever uses this teleport ability during his introduction in Season 6, an ability that would serve a more prominent role in the first half of Season 7. @ptw30 argues that Kosmo is, or was supposed to be at some point, the real Shirogane, who perhaps decided to contact Keith after his failure to warn Lance. On the other hand, there’s another post, which I recently shared, that provides a different spin on the above theory, titled “The Wolf, the Atlas and the Bayard” by @janestrider. @janestrider suggests the wolf was merely added to Season 7, replacing what would’ve originally been Shiro’s role. According to this theory, Shiro would’ve returned as the Black Paladin and would’ve gained teleportation powers for all his troubles.

Initially, I was inclined to side with the theory of the wolf replacing Shiro, but after dwelling on it for a while now, I find myself agreeing with @ptw30′s take on things. Remember, Lauren and Joaquim had originally wanted Keith to lead Team Voltron after Shiro’s “death,” and I they fought hard behind the scenes to make this happen ever since they got the mandate to “bring Shiro back.” Evidently, they eventually got their way as Keith returns in Season 6 to lead Voltron against Lotor, and I doubt Lauren and Joaquim wanted a return to the status quo of Seasons 1 and 2, with Shiro in the chair of Black and Keith in the chair of Red (more on this later). This was their chance to get back on track with their original vision, but that meant wrapping up the Kuron storyline and putting fake Shiro on ice. How did they manage to convince the Dreamworks’ execs to “bend the knee” and bench Shiro? By assuring executives they were already working on his return, and this is where I believe the cosmic wolf comes into play. Be forewarned, from here onwards, I am speculating beyond the realm of what would probably be considered safe. This is just my interpretation and it might be utterly wrong or on the right track but may still not account for everything. Are you up for that? Read on.

To Shiro or not to Shiro, that is the question.

The most egregious culprit that has us all theorizing about tampering in Season 7, is Shiro’s presence, or lack thereof. Let’s be honest, for the first half of Season 7, and save for the flashback-heavy first episode, Shiro has such a minimal impact on the events around him that he might as well have been added to the scenes as an afterthought... or at someone’s request. Let’s look at some of the evidence:

In Episode 703 “The Way Forward,” when Keith takes off to help Acxa it is Lance he turns to to lead the Paladins safely, not Shiro who’s supposedly there and is the most experienced of the bunch when it comes to escaping from the Galra. Shiro just stands there and follows the others. It’s also been observed that Shiro’s helmet is not on the table with the other Paladins’ helmets.

Episode 704′s “The Feud!” is yet another “interlude” episode that doesn’t even feature Shiro.

In Episode 705 “The Ruins,” Shiro doesn’t jump in the hole carved by Allura as the Paladins rush to aid Keith.

In Episode 706 “The Journey Within,” he has one intervention before events eventually sideline him and the story focuses entirely on the bond between Keith, Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and Allura. I think the writers were probably trying to make up for lost time trying to build Keith into the leader he was originally supposed to be (this is echoed later in the season in episodes like “Know Your Enemy,” where he has a rather heart-warming conversation with Hunk).

It is only starting with Episode 709 “Know Your Enemy,” that Shiro’s presence starts to get acknowledged more. I personally think this makes sense for one simple reason: Shiro was not supposed to be there, not conscious anyway. Let’s go back to Season 6 for a bit. After Keith’s duel with the Shiro clone, he places him in a stasis pod, and he’s brought back by Allura in “Defender of All Universes” when she withdraws his consciousness from the Black Lion and places it on the Shiro clone’s body. Shiro’s back everybody! Except he doesn’t appear in the final shot of the season, and he’s immediately back into the stasis pod in the next episode because the clone body is apparently rejecting Shiro’s consciouness. No, this sounds like a rewrite to me. Why would you wake up Shiro in one episode, only to send him to sleep in the next? It doesn’t make sense.

Here’s what I think happened. Lauren and Joaquim introduced Kosmo in Season 6 to pave the way for the real Shiro’s return, probably sometime during Season 7 or after. They apparently made a big deal of not wanting to spoil the wolf’s name and even Keith says in Episode 705, “I figure when he’s ready, he’ll tell me his name.” I figure Kosmo would’ve merged with the Shiro clone’s body somehow, maybe by transforming into his missing arm, kind of similar to what happens in Episode 710 with Earth’s bionic arm and the Altean power source. Maybe the clone regained consciousness and went berserk and Kosmo merged with the clone to bring back Shiro. I don’t know, and I think the writers probably hadn’t nailed the details down either when someone realized Shiro would be absent for a good chunk of Season 7 and, for whatever reason, he needed to have more screentime. Maybe someone thought it was a downer to have Season 6 end with a comatose Shiro and weren’t entirely sold on the cosmic wolf idea. Déjà vu? This presented a problem because several Season 7 episodes were probably well into production and could not be reshot without incurring in signifcant expense and time. The solution? Have Shiro return ahead of time... again. I can only imagine Lauren and Joaquim’s frustration. Their plans had been derailed once by exec interference, and they were about to be derailed again.

Shiro returns... again.

It was too late to remove the wolf, as he had too much screentime and that would imply a lot of work. There was little point in removing him anyway as he would only become Shiro in some potential version of the show that now would never come to pass. The problem wasn’t the wolf, the problem was Shiro, or his lack thereof. I’m not entirely certain to what extent Season 6 was reworked, but I’m inclined to believe the ending to “Defender of All Universes” was altered to have Shiro return earlier by having Allura perform the consciousness transfer. There, the gang was all back together now and you had a happy ending to Season 6. What would the original Season 6 ending would’ve been? I’m not sure, but lately I have been musing if some episodes from Season 7 could not have been part of the original Season 6 ending. In particular, it’s possible that, after defeating Lotor, the Paladins would’ve been captured by his lieutenants (Episode 702), only to be saved by Acxa who would inform them three years had passed (Episode 703). With the lions depleted, Shiro in stasis, and having gotten a taste of how the universe had changed (for the worse) in Voltron’s absence, it would’ve provided a nice cliffhanger ending for the season, if perhaps a tad depressing. Of course, it’s equally possible that these episodes were always meant to be in Season 7 and I’m woefully wrong.

This was only the beginning, as Shiro would’ve to be added into several of Season 7′s episodes. You could get away with the idea of the clone rejecting his consciousness for an episode (and even then they included lots of flashbacks of his relationship with Keith, not to mention that silly and tone-deaf Yalmor adventure), maybe waste some time with passenger arrangements, and throw in something like “The Feud!” to make the gaps less noticeable. I honestly don’t know the extent to which Season 7 was reworked to hide Shiro’s absence. I don’t think “The Last Stand” two-parter was specifically created to account for this, as I believe that’s a story Lauren and Joaquim probably wanted to tell to set up their Macross dreams. I also believe we can affirm, with a relative degree of certainty, that there’s a before and after marked by “The Last Stand” two-parter. Before this interlude, Shiro has minimal impact in the story, but he definitely has a more prominent role after. And here’s where I want to quote something Lauren and Joaquim said in an interview with Hypable published on August 10th, 2018:

You also had Shiro step into a hugely pivotal role as Captain of the Atlas. Was this a path that you’d always envisaged for him, or was it something that developed as the show progressed?

LM: A little bit of both. There was definitely a version of this show where Shiro was not around at this point.

JDS: There was also a version where Shiro was going to be back to piloting the Black Lion.

LM: Yeah, it’s been through every possible version of the story. Ultimately, when we finally got to where we knew we were going to be able to move forward with Keith as the Black Lion pilot, and still have Shiro in the show, we wanted to pay as much respect to Shiro as we could because he was such an important character. And in a weird way we kind of keep the team together a little bit. Shiro moves on to this other ship, and he has a whole new crew, but he’s fighting alongside his team, these Paladins that he’s basically taught how to be Paladins. And so I think it was just rewarding for us on a happy, warm, fuzzy feeling level. Where he’s there, and he’s got kind of the most bitchin’ ship of all of them.

JDS: You know, that was our big pitch internally, when the executives were saying, “well, how is this going to play out?” They were asking us questions, and we got to have this big meeting where we said, guys, Shiro is going to be Captain of the Atlas. They were like, “okaaaay,” still thinking that it was very much just the Atlas battleship. And we were like, “and the Atlas does something really cool.” They were all in at that point.

And this is where I agree with @janestrider that there was a version of Shiro going back to being the Black Paladin, it’s just that I disagree with where and when it would’ve taken place. I believe Lauren is correct in saying there was a version of the show where Shiro wasn’t around, and that version was the “Kosmo is Shiro” storyline that seeped into some of the earlier Season 7 episodes. I believe Joaquim is also correct in saying there was a version of Shiro going back to piloting the Black Lion, and that version was being considered as a potential alternative while Lauren and Joaquim were trying to convince execs to keep Keith around as the leader, and would probably have taken place after the Paladins arrive on Earth. I also don’t entirely dismiss the possibility that some of the latter Season 7 episodes had to be reworked in the way suggested by @janestrider, replacing Allura with Shiro at the head of the Atlas battleship. This would explain things like why Shiro needed to have that Altean crystal in his arm (so he could interact with the ship in the same way Allura did with the Castle of Lions), or why the Blue Lion (painted Red afterwards) didn’t immediately beckon Lance’s call (in fact, Keith drops a curious line in Episode 710, saying “And Red saved my life numerous times” when the Paladins discuss the idea of calling their lions).

Conclusion

Having arrived at this point, allow me to put an end to my speculatory ramblings, or else I’ll start seeing edits everywhere, if I’m not already. What is the bottom line? I think Shiro’s voice actor, Josh Keaton, put it best, “Shiro’s great at everything but dying,” and that caused problems for Lauren and Joaquim not just once, but twice. As a result of all the behind-the-scenes work to accommodate Shiro, the end product we got was considerably less tight than Seasons 1 and 2 had been, and the battle to rescue Keith from the clutches of corporate meddling left several casualties in the character development department. It’s possible that this had repercussions in Season 8, but I have yet to analyze it with a critical eye. At the end of the day, and like I said at the beginning, this is just a fun mental exercice I decided to indulge in, spurred on by The Sin Squad’s video. Maybe this is what happened, maybe not. Perhaps time will tell, but in the meantime, why not watch a fun video about Shiro bragging about his invincibility? He’s definitely earned it.

youtube

#voltron #voltron theories #voltron theory #voltron legendary defender #keith #shiro #kosmo

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rashfordxbruno · 6 years ago

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3 happy memories, 3 lessons learned from 2018 + 3 hopes for 2019

I was tagged by @diogodxlot and @j-lingard. Thank you bb's! I apologise for taking this so long.

HAPPY MEMORIES

1.) I passed my thesis with my college buddy and subsequently graduated. 3 1/2 months before my graduation last May wasn't easy for me. I remember when one of my groupmates backed off because he wasn't cooperating. So, my college buddy and I decided to finish the thesis without our other groupmate. After several rejections on our paperworks and some technical difficulties on our hardware, we passed the thesis. My buddy and I cried tears of joy and graduated from college with ease.

2.) Football in the summer (not for me though). June-July were exciting because of the World Cup. It was full of surprises. Filled with drama and action. I didn't expect that England equalled their best achievement in the WC since 1990 (par their maiden victory in '66) and France went on to win their second WC after 20 years. The whole tournament was MAGICAL and could rewatch any of the matches anytime.

3.) Miss Universe 2018. I was watching this with my family - all rooting for our country's representative, Catriona Gray except for my dad who rooted for Miss Vietnam H'hen Nie (sorry Dad, you lost). That famous slow-mo twirl, that walk, that final 3 answer that goes like this: "...If I could teach also people to be grateful, we could have an amazing world where negativity could not grow and foster..." Everything about her is just... stunning! I remember when the host announced that the Philippines won (no mistake at all), my mom, my nephew and I shouted for joy. The whole nation was proud of her being crowned its fourth Miss Universe. Talk about Filipino pride here. 🇵🇭

LESSONS LEARNED

1.) Put my mental health first. It's okay not to be okay. I was very stressed during me and college buddy's thesis project. After we finished the thesis, I took a long rest and reflected a lot. Same thing back at early October (I also lost my Internet connection so... double advantage).

2.) Be decisive. Choose at your own risk.

3.) In general. It's okay if some people don't like you. You cannot please everybody. We have each other's opinions and perspectives in life. All you have to do is RESPECT.

HOPES FOR 2019

1.) All my fav football clubs/NT's must improve (not only this year but every year). Man United must push towards the top 4, keep clean sheets, and win silverware (the FA Cup is only our hope; CL? Let's see). Bayern must start keeping themselves clean sheets because their defence is aging. AC Milan? If their playing system backfires consistently, they might need an attacking manager the following season. England, Spain, and Mexico must push further in order to be qualified on their respective major continental tournaments for next year or two. Philippines? All I hope is they shall make their mark in their inaugural appearance in the Asian Cup. Let's go Azkals and Sven-Goran! Side note: I want Spurs to win the league this year. Poch has to prevail over the evil Scouse.

2.) Continue the Manchester United propaganda on Twitter, Instagram, and here. I will never stop supporting my first love in football.

3.) Work. I hope I'll be able to find a job after my six months of rest.

I AM TAGGING @reddevilscorner @almiranara @beautiful-devils @danimufc @riccihulkenberg @torresaul @totallyfootball @levicaraway @lingardfc @realmadridx13 @antisocialfc @pacooalcacer @abbyxxgd @jarcusfc @per-aspera-ad-astra1899 @uncampoverde @ajaxtuallylovenoussair @janshuntelaar and whoever wants to do this!

#tag game

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theloniousbach · 4 years ago

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Couch Tour: Cyrus Chestnut Trio, Smoke Jazz Club, 9 October 2020

I hesitated not very long really, but I hesitated, before buying my ticket for this show. I had seen Cyrus Chestnut (with a different rhythm section) just a month ago on September 11. That was great and I’d seen him at Jazz St. Louis a couple of years too, so I knew I would be pleased. Chestnut is solid, swinging, and a whirl of technique, but I wouldn’t probably sign off on “the best pianist of his generation” tag that is on some publicity. It’s a trick/not useful question and let’s just say he’s very good.

Very good just not the one I turn to among a generation that likely includes Bill Charlap, Fred Hersch, and Brad Mehldau while Kenny Barron especially and George Cables now are the next half or whole generation ahead.

Again, it doesn’t matter. This one suited my ears after a week with lots of late Beethoven in it (I have thought of Cecil Taylor in the past re: Piano Sonata #32 and mid-60s Blue Note re: the Grosse Fugue. I watched Rudolf Serkin play #32 and will get to the Elias Quartet do the GF along with the rest of #13 having already heard their takes on #12 and #14). Infectiously swinging takes on standards with richly harmonic beds for fluid melodies was a perfect way to head into the weekend.

In September, Chestnut with Erik Wheeler and Johnathan Blake (his regular rhythm section?) did a set like the one I saw at Jazz St. Louis with r&b radio songs, gospel, and French Impressionism interspersed with the Songbook. This time he was with Peter Washington (whom I last saw with Bill Charlap on September 10) and Willie Jones III. This was a Charlapian deep dive into the standards (due to Washington’s presence?). Again, just great.

He repeated Tom McIntosh’s “The Cup Bearer” which is familiar only because I see it on both set lists. Jones’s cymbal work was striking--and he was crisp and tasteful all night long. They also dusted off “Waltz for Jean (or Gene) and Carol” from Chestnut’s book which also gave Jones a show case for delicate mallet work giving way to layers of rhythm.

Otherwise, it was all from the Great American Songbook, though I don’t have titles for the last two (but I also didn’t hear radio songs or gospel). “Lover” was also done as a waltz and the slower tempo let the chords and band breathe while cooking at a nice simmer. They opened with an insistent “I’ve Never Been in Love Before.”

Chestnut listened to his inner voice “Antonio” to call an audible to do a hard swinging “Autumn Leaves” which suited the move. I had buffering issues and had to reboot in the middle of a Latin tinged “I’ll Remember April” that was one highlight. I will just rewatch the set with special attention to that tune. Such a sacrifice as I probably was going to take a second listen anyway.

Besides the interrupted “April” with its samba feel, the closer was Bossa Nova-ish swinger that gave the rhythm section nifty things to do as they did all night.

Washington got some real space during “Bag’s Groove” but of course it’s Chestnut’s gig and he was wide ranging--big big left hand in this one, elegant ballad styling, roars to whispers in half a measure, delicate lines, big chords. He is quite good, of course, and this set was both more of what one can expect and welcomingly different.

I won’t even hesitate at the next opportunity.

#2020 #couch tour #smoke jazz club #Concert Review #cyrus chestnut

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princessmelina · 7 years ago

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Wow after posting this and glancing at the length of it I realize... I should really go sleep now, and who knows what I’ll think when I reread this tomorrow

It’s been... at least 2 months, maybe almost 3, since I had that bout of eating so much I made myself feel awful and then not eating the next meal because I was still so dang full at least twice a week for a few weeks. After I came back from visiting my parents in Oregon and started up with a personal trainer (mainly to increase my strength but also to see if I could get any use from tips on how to eat more like a normal person), between that and karate I seemed to be doing alright, managing my eating well enough, mostly back to just overeating (not to the point of feeling blergh though) on the weekends when hanging out with friends.

But of course I just had to feel overwhelmed enough this week I broke and overate yesterday and today during lunch, so much I felt ugh the rest of the day and couldn’t (or wouldn’t?) eat dinner. But added fun this time, I’ve slept most of the past 2 days away (I sleep more than a person probably should anyway but wow this has been a lot of naptime even for me). And the universe might just be trying to tell me something since in the past few days, two completely separate people I follow reblogged the exact same post that talks about depression meals not just being eating not enough but eating too much too.

Which, okay, probably should have guessed before but I don’t know what triggered it those few months ago and I thought it was just my usual food struggles where I love the taste of everything too much and always want to eat and dealing with all that is tiring enough. But this week I get it. Tried to cheer myself up with my accomplishment on Thursday where my personal trainer got me farther than I expected on my handstand progress but that still didn’t quite work.

Buying a house is awful and stressful and I’m so grateful for everything my family is doing to help me (my mom especially, and also my dad and uncle) but I also wish they could just be here to do it for me because I am not adult enough for this! I don’t know what I’m doing! I keep trying to tell that to my mom and uncle because they don’t want to like, barge in on my business or whatever and I’m like please! Take over even! But at the same time I’m also hesitant to ask them for help even though I shouldn’t be because I don’t want to bother them and I feel like I should be handling things more myself. But almost every step of the process so far, every time I send my mom and update of what I’ve done she’s like, oh no, you should have talked with us before you did that. Not because I’m messing up super hugely but I’m still kinda messing up minor things that could add up to be bad for me and she just wants to make sure I get the best deal out of this situation.

This is why I hate being nicknamed the “golden child”, no matter how much anyone might be joking when they say it. I barely ever know what I’m doing, I just seem like I do. I’m just good at not outwardly panicking. But I feel like my whole life - and I keep trying to explain this to my parents but I think they still might not quite get it - almost every decision I make, especially major ones, is made because I’m too afraid of the other options. Get good grades in school? Gotta make sure it happens because what if I don’t get into a good enough college otherwise. Go straight to university after high school instead of taking a year off or going to community college or something? Gotta make sure I do that because I don’t want to lose that in-state scholarship from those tests or whatever and going in-state is easier because then I don’t have to work too hard to find housing or transportation or whatever, I just live with my parents. Parents and sister are moving to Oregon halfway through my college years? I’m gonna stay here in AZ because I know everyone here already and I won’t have to try to make new friends and I can even stay with my grandma who needs a roommate. Move in with my friend after I graduate? Might as well and she’s even doing most of the work, her and her mom, finding us an awesome apartment to live in - and I want to hang out with friends more and feel bad inviting them over to my grandma’s where even if we bother her she’d be too nice to say anything. Take a job at the bakery my friend works at? I need the money and no one else is hiring and they love my friend and now me as well thanks to her. And so on and so forth up to buying this house.

I hate living alone but I don’t think I’m strong enough to live with anyone else still (my sister lived with me for a year after she came back to AZ from Oregon because she missed friends/family here and probably other reasons too, and now it’s been a little over a year since she moved a few blocks away to go live in a house with 6 other friends, and I’m still a little devastated that we couldn’t make it work because if I can’t live in a house with my own sister who I lived with all our lives except for the few years she lived in Oregon, who can I live with where we won’t somehow both get on each other’s nerves?), so I really want a dog (have for a long time anyway but now I’m longing even more for that companionship and thinking of our family dog a lot and how great he was). But this house setup isn’t that great for a dog, especially a big one like I want, and the backyard still has debris and stuff from my uncle’s projects... so logically, let’s buy a house!! (Because I can’t rent because almost nowhere will allow you to keep a big dog, and definitely not a pitbull/pit mix like I’d probably get because that’s what our family dog was and that’s what mostly fills the shelter.)

And also there was that whole thing with the drunk/high guy getting in a couple years ago (okay I shouldn’t have opened the door at like 5am when I wasn’t sure of who it was but normally I know better and plus my cousins and sister were sleeping over at the time... it’s a long story you can ask if you wanna know) and then a few weeks before I visited Oregon this year my door getting kicked in (no one got in but this time I was alone and man! does your body get tense when you hear that bang so early in the morning and it’s just you, your phone, and your knife as you wonder if you’re gonna have to battle someone while in your pajammies - again. also another story too long for this but ask if you feel like it). I don’t even live in a bad neighborhood, it’s like half families and half college kids who don’t even throw loud parties or anything. How do I attract these things???

Anyway everyone I tell that I’m buying a house is so excited and/or proud of me. Megan, you’re 25 and buying a house what a great accomplishment, especially at your age! So responsible! So good with her money! And I smile and nod and in the moment maybe even get a little excited myself because yeah, how cool is that, me having my own whole house that is all mine? And I can have my dog now!! But then I think about how I’ll have to deal with anything that goes wrong rather than asking my landlord uncle, and it’s just so dang much money what happens if I lose this job or something? And how the heck do I think I can take care of a dog when I’m barely managing to take care of myself from moment to moment????

So there’s all that in my head pretty much constantly for a couple months, intensifying after my offer got accepted on this house at the beginning of October. Then last week I have a party and invite a bunch of friends, even a couple that I don’t see as often as some of the others and are like, sort of different circles but not exactly? I dunno. But it was a little strange, not necessarily in a bad way, because almost everyone was split into couples except for me and one of my closest friends (and her sister but I think her sister isn’t quite as... longing for a romantic relationship as we are, or if she is we don’t talk about it the same haha). And that friend and I both felt it I think, wishing more than usual to have a romantic partner of our own (although out of the four “couples” it was really only my sister and her boyfriend together, and my other friend that has a boyfriend it’s long-distance but they text a lot (it’s so cute, he better be good to her or I will travel to his country and punch him if need be) but anyway) so that didn’t help my thoughts this week, even though that stuff’s always in the back of my mind anyway it was pestering me more.

But even worse than that, I’ve been wondering if I kinda messed up my sister’s boyfriend’s visit for her, he lives in California and was visiting for the weekend. And I know she wanted to spend more alone time with him but I convinced them them to come to the Voltron party anyway (it was basically an all-day thing) though I didn’t expect them to stay the whole time, and it’s not like I forced them to stay at my house, but still... I feel like I was being kinda selfish ‘cause I really wanted them to hang out with us. But I also stopped them from going to the guest room to watch anime when they first arrived (because they didn’t want to rewatch season 1 yet again and would rejoin us for s2) and I told them we’d skip it but then I still played the last few eps of s1 because another friend hadn’t seem them... ugh I just feel bad and like I often force my likes and preferences for the way I want things to go on other people like that and sure, like I said I’m not physically forcing any of my friends to participate but pretty much all of them are also nicer than me and might not say anything if they are actually getting bored with the shows I have us marathon? I don’t know. And in this case I’m worried about bringing it up with my sister because if I did kinda ruin her time with her boyfriend visiting (he’s also the friend of the rest of us but still, I understand her want for alone time even more then since she normally has to share him with all of us in other things like when we all go to cons together) I’m not sure I wanna know especially since I can’t change it now. But if I didn’t what if bringing it up influences her to think about it that way and I retroactively mess it up???

I don’t normally doubt my actions so much, what’s in the past is done and I just try to learn from it and get better every time, but for some reason I’ve just been questioning things a lot this week and it’s worn me out more than ever. And my brain (ever since I was pretty young actually) always goes back to “well if only you had a special someone, and you were just theirs and they were just yours, they’d be able to support you through things like this and you could talk with them like you talk with your other closest friends and maybe even things wouldn’t get so bad in your brain because you’d have accomplished the one dream you’ve had the longest and wished for the most - being in love with someone who loves you”. But those thoughts sometimes hurt the worst because of all my dreams that’s the one I can’t force - I can’t accomplish it just by working harder, improving myself, or whatever. I just have to keep looking and meeting people and talking with people and I can’t even just do that since I need to have at least a good-friend-level connection with someone before actually feeling comfortable enough to have real romantic feelings for them and/or go out on a date with them (otherwise as happened once, they ask me out and I agree and then proceed to feel sick with anxiety for like 3 days - because why would they ask me out they know so little about me why would they like me enough to want to go on a date I’m going to completely disappoint them if they think I’m this cool social person when I’m just like that at cons and the rest of the year I just like to stay at home and watch things and read and sleep and write and maybe plan outings, but not go out into the world with little notice - before finally telling them I can’t do it, sorry, it’s me not you I swear). Yet at the same time anyone who is even a little bit nice to me, smiles at me, compliments me on anything, my brain goes straight to “omg what would it be like if this cool person liked you, wouldn’t it be amazing, you two would probably be so great together and go on awesome adventures and hey look at all these great scenarios even though you literally talked with them for less than a minute or maybe have never met them in person at all”.

I’m tired, friends. And I want to be there for my sister who was probably feeling more lonely this week after only a few short days with her boyfriend who I think she really loves. And I want to hang out with my cousins who are both so busy with work. And I want to do stuff with my other friends that they’re so excited to do but I’m just stuck in this... blah. I worked so hard my whole life to be that person that people could count on, the one to cheer everyone up, the one that you can always count on to be calm and happy, but I think it kinda backfired because now people expect things like me being responsible and knowing what I’m doing. And only my parents know most of the problems I have, I don’t want to burden my sister since she rarely talks about her issues and she’s had friends who (probably unintentionally, but still) take advantage of that and go on all the time about their own problems without asking her how she’s doing (at least I try to ask her, but she doesn’t often let it all out). Similarly with most of my friends, we don’t talk as much as we used to about our really big problems, maybe only going to some large stresses sometimes. And it’s really only my one friend who I can talk with about the wanting that significant other thing since she’s the only one I know for sure has wished for it as much as I have (even though we’re both totally awesome single people and know we don’t need anyone, we still would like it...) and also I know she’ll vent to me the same amount I vent to her so I don’t have to worry there. And of course... whoever reads my lengthy rambles here on tumblr knows so, there you go. 8P

Anyway I’m sure everyone who’s alive already knows life’s hard, so I guess there’s not much more to say other than I’m gonna keep chugging along, doing my best, hoping and dreaming even when it hurts (and yes, I’ll also continue to be this dramatic in writing and probably even more so in real life). I hope everyone reading this is having a better week than I have been and if not, I hope you also feel free to rant to me! Because it’s nice to feel like I’m there for someone and possibly helping even if it’s not much more than just listening... and for me getting all these thoughts out of my head and solidified somewhere else helps, even if just while I’m writing it out. 8) I hope you all get whatever comfort you might need too. <3

#rambling

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