#but I will continue to push for the toxic yaoi

[shiliria]

The Doctor🩺 and the Grim Reaper💀!

[chaifootsteps]

Recently vivzie apologised to the stolitz community for pacing their ship so slow. She can’t even pretend she cares about any other fans of the show, this show is for them and only them. And their numbers will continue to dwindle as more factory produced yaoi is pushed out to replace it. Plus once they get all cushy the shippers who loved the toxic aspect will get bored of it.

https://x.com/treblerose89/status/1853166703125086599?s=46

Gonna apologize for that, Viv? Not the lives you've ruined, the people you've abused, the disgusting things you've said about trans and ace people?

There are 99 reasons why I hate watching clips of Viv speaking and this is one.

[dethtallica]

heyy im requesting again cus i liked the work you did for me so much :) could you do one with Jason/Anyone based on @hexxeddorm’s drawing on a waitress Jason? (im pretty sure you’ve seen it) the rest is up to what you want to write, just need to have him dicked down in that uniform 👀

again, love your works so much and take your time if you need to :) ❤️

GAHH had to make this into a halloween fic! i love that fanart so much this ask made me SO happy :)

Prove It

1987 • James/Jason

CW - semi public sex, toxic yaoi lmao, cross dressing, dubious consent kind of i don’t know, use of the F slur, internalized homophobia

Jason always looked forward to Halloween.

He’d dress in a fun costume, drink, maybe play a Halloween show if he was lucky. The Flotsam guys were even bigger on Halloween than he was and dragged him to countless costume parties with hookers hanging around; they’d give him a look, that look, and one of his bandmates would push Jason to go talk to a prostitute with a smirk.

“Cmon man, she’s like, totally your type! Blonde hair, blue eyes, looks like she could kill ya… go get ‘er!”

Yeah. It’s his type.

The girls were almost always wearing a sexy outfit. Skimpy, cheap clothes that accentuated their curves. The costumes were predictable— Sometimes a nurse. Sometimes a slutty witch who wants to trade her potions for your semen. Maybe a particularly naughty angel who decided maybe a little defiance would be good.

Or, a waitress.

Jason stares at himself in the mirror, regretting everything about this. He was still the Newkid, had to do everything the band told him. What James told him. So, when he was ordered to embarrass himself by wearing a very feminine, very revealing Waitress costume for the upcoming Halloween party, he obliged. Jason shuffled to the side to check the rest of his costume. Remembered how these costumes were made to show off ass and curves. It’s not a nice memory. His thighs seemed too muscular for the thin fabric of the light pink skirt, his chest and shoulders too broad and thick for the revealing top. Trying on costumes had been enjoyable in the past; now wearing his costume is the last thing he wants to do.

Jason’s eyebrows furrow as he continues to check himself out in the mirror. Maybe, he thinks, if he was a chick, there was a chance he would look good. But he’s not. No, he’s a guy in a fucking waitress costume too small for him just because James would get a kick out of it. Everyone else had a normal costume— a vampire, a werewolf, an imp. And, fuck, here he is. In a women’s skirt and top. In a shitty halloween store’s changing room where plastic decorations hang from the ceiling and walls. The painted on smiles of the plastic spiders don’t help Jason’s mood.

Jason sighs. He really doesn’t wanna do this. Surely there’s a way he can convince James to have mercy on him, right? Maybe he’d offer his personal stash of weed or Heineken. Embarrassed, Jason stops staring at his masculine figure in the mirror and takes a deep breath. James is on the other side of the dressing room, impatiently tapping his foot, and Jason assumes it’s because he wants to hurry up and get back to the guys.

“James? You’re.. really serious ‘bout this? Don’t wanna like, take my hash instead? This is stupid. Really fuckin’ stupid.”

Jason hears the other man grunt from the other side.

“What, too pussy? If you can’t even dress up in a stupid costume, why should I even keep you around?”

Well. Fuck.

“I- Fine. Whatever. I’m ready.”

A pause, then James is opening the door from the outside, not realizing how tantalizingly slow he’s going. Why did he do this again? To be honest, he wasn’t really thinking when he asked Jason to wear the costume. He was drunk. And, yeah. He’s usually drunk. Caught him there. But it was different. Jason was the one who brought costumes up in that stupid cheery voice, and you couldn’t blame James for wanting to mess with him. Not when he’s waiting for Jason to snap.

Here’s how it happened; the two were sitting in Jason’s room together with the steady beat of Electric Eye. Jason and James left all alone because Kirk and Lars wouldn’t do a damn thing without the other and Lars was tasked with getting the band more beer. Jason eyed James. James eyed Jason. Jason spoke up, blurting out a stupid question about Halloween, earning a groan from James. Like he wanted to make Jason believe talking to him was a chore. The conversation went on— if you count Jason sheepishly blabbering in hopes of entertaining James a conversation. It was when Jason mentioned those parties with his old band, Flotsam, that the blonde got an idea.

That’s when he asked Jason just how far he would go. Jason looked confused at first. The guitarist enlightened him. James asks the brunette what his problem is first, because of course he does, and follows it with something that made Jason determined.

“You always just take everything. All the pranks, all the jokes. When are you gonna snap at us, huh? When are you gonna snap at me? How far can you really take it? Prove to me you’re good enough.”

That’s how they ended up here. Jason showed him how much humiliation he can take by allowing James to lay eyes on him when he’s dressed like this. Because Jason is strong, Jason can take it. He can take all the shit James and the guys give him. In fact, he has to. So the bassist doesn’t hide when the door is finally opened all the way, only looking to the side, his cheeks dusted a light pink.

It hits James like a truck. He feels absolutely winded after he first takes the first look. The waitress skirt perfectly hugs his hips like it was specially tailored and crafted for Jason to give the guitarist a boner. His mouth goes dry, scanning the bassist up and down. The boy in front of him wasn’t supposed to look so damn perfect, the whole thing was supposed to be a joke. A stab at Jason, to see how far he’ll take it. To see if he’s good enough to be in Metallica. He is a replacement, after all. However, James would be lying if he said that replacement wasn’t making him short circuit. And James was also a dirty fuckin’ liar, because the waitress gag was more than just a gag to him.

“You. You, uh. You look stupid.”

There’s silence for a few moments. Then, Jason starts laughing. It throws James off, and he scrunches his eyebrows. The bassist giggles for a few moments longer before shaking his head.

“Is that all you have to say?”

James shifts uncomfortably and looks to the side. Walks in, closes the door behind him, then scowls. Like he didn’t just invite himself into an occupied dressing room like a freak. And he wasn’t! He swore. He only shut the door so no one else would see Jason like this. Which, fuck, wasn’t a great reason either, considering that’s the whole reason he’s forcing Jason to buy this stupid costume anyways. So people can see. And laugh. The only one that’s laughing is Jason, though, because he realized he’s got the big James Hetfield’s panties in a twist ‘cause of what was supposed to be a prank on him. Ironic.

“Don’t fucking laugh at me. Be grateful I’m closing the door so only I can see you. I should be the one laughing at you.”

Jason rolls his eyes. He’s not dumb enough to not pick up on what the situation is, though it is much different from what he expected. He really did expect James to laugh at him, to think he looked stupid. Instead he got that look, yes, that look, and a couple stuttered words when James stared at him like a dog staring at a treat. Jason’s no virgin. Maybe surprised, but he won’t let that show. What he does plan to show is dominance over this perverted blonde who was slowly getting closer to him.

“You look conflicted. Got something to say?”

Jason asks quietly, watching James get closer like a cartoon character floating to a pie. Pathetic, he thinks. He’s supposed to be the intimidating one and Jason’s got him hardening in his jeans from a simple costume like a homo. If you asked him, James was not a homosexual. He only liked girls. That was his justification for quickly hardening in his jeans at the sight of Jason. He looked like a girl, okay? That’s it. That’s the only reason.

But it wasn’t. Because James was inches away from the bassist, staring down at him with a hard on.

“I’m not- I’m not conflicted. Fuck are you trying to say?”

“Well.. I can see your boner through your jeans, but you’re trying to make yourself look like you’re mad. How’s that for a conflict?”

The blonde snarls. That was it. James shoves Jason against the back wall, rattling the little decorations in the dressing room. Jason yells with surprise and slight panic as he’s tossed against the wall like a ragdoll. Really hot once the initial surprise wears off, but he keeps that to himself. Jason’s chin is yanked up to look up at James’ flushed face. They meet eyes, the waitress boys’ gaze teasing and hungry while the guitarist’s is angry and lustful.

“I am not a fucking fag. Okay? I’m not. You- you just look like a woman, that’s IT. I don’t like guys. I don’t like you. I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

Instead of a reply, Jason forces his lips on James. Expecting resistance, he doesn’t go too hard— but, instead of being met with a punch to the gut, he feels the blonde hungrily reply by kissing him back like he’s been waiting for this moment for years. And, that’s not true. Because he’s only been waiting for months. Which is, like, significantly less gay. And this isn’t gay. Because right now Jason’s a just a slutty waitress. But, no matter how much James tells himself these things, they both know the truth. Thankfully, James’ worries melt away as they make out against the wall. Jason’s tongue finds its way into the blonde’s mouth and the taller boy whines, hands finding their way to Jason’s hips. It’s an ego boost feeling James fall apart in literal minutes all because of Jason. Jason did this to him. Made him straining against his jeans, begging to be inside the waitress boy. Made him shaky and whiny (to James’ dismay). He can’t think about that too long because everything’s happening so quickly—James’ hips start to rub against the bassists’ clothed dick as he nearly eats his face off with those sloppy kisses. It’s all teeth and spit as they dry hump each other, both sporting a full erection.

The kiss doesn’t last. James is pulling back, chest heaving, face red, and hard as a rock. His cock still rubs against the brunettes, and he can’t help but look at their strained cocks brushing against each other. Jason notices this and looks at the erotic scene too. He silently wonders if this costume will be ruined before he can even wear it for the party.

“If.. If you tell.. anyone about this.. I swear you’re a dead man..” James promises, trying to catch his breath and keep his desperate moans down at the same time.

“Won’t tell a soul.”

For some reason, that’s believable enough. ‘Cause James doesn’t miss a beat rubbing his length on Jason’s slightly shorter cock. Both are impressive. James thinks Jason’s is impressive. It’s got a pretty pink tip and girth that would make any girl drool— it’s too bad Jason’s using it on the Mighty Hetfield. Don’t ask James how he knows this. But, really, it is a beautiful cock, because all James can think about is how perfect and (probably) delicious it is as he ruts against Jason who is now leaning in to lick and suck at the blonde’s neck.

Shuddering, James’ grip on Jason becomes tighter as the tongue on his soft skin glides over him before picking a particularly sensitive spot and sucking. The bassist smirks against the taller boy’s neck as he sucks a hickey into the crook of James’ neck. Probably not a good look to have purplish marks all over your neck after you just walked out of a changing room with another man, but that was a worry for future James. He could always just say it was a vampire. And, ouch, Jason bites down on his flesh just like one, making James shiver and stutter. His hips trembled against the flushed cock below him and he bites his lip to hold back the moan that threatened to spill from his lips. It was already shameful enough he was doing this with another man, he doesn’t need the whole fucking store hearing it.

With a slick popping noise, Jason removes his tongue from his neck, leaving James dizzy. He stumbles back slightly, which he realizes is actually from Jason pushing him back to remove his skirt. The brunette’s fingers slowly push down that delicious pink skirt along with his boxers to reveal his weeping cock, and James swears he could’ve came right then.

“Don’t worry big boy, you can fuck me soon.”

Actually, he changes his mind. He could’ve cum to that. While he’s busy losing his goddamn mind, Jason’s fingers soak themselves in his wet mouth before dipping down to his hole, making sure James knows he’s teasing himself by circling his rim before dipping in. Jason makes a breathy noise as he works two fingers in and James can’t help but wonder if he’s starting with two because he’s done this before. His chest swells with jealously but he’s quickly distracted by realizing his hand made its way down to his cock to rub himself off while he watches his bandmate finger himself. He’s so goddamn horny his body’s doing shit on its own.

“‘S gonna feel so good, James. Just wait a- fuck- minute..”

James doesn’t respond. He can’t. His mouth feels like a desert. A third finger is added. When? It didn’t matter. James’ burning hot desire made everything feel like it was moving in both slow motion and high speed. Like he’s drunk, but really it’s just Jason making him feel like that. Because he can do that for some reason, which is really frustrating. It’s usually not very acceptable to fall for your bandmate, let alone fall for your male bandmate as a male.

But when Jason’s fucking himself on his fingers up against the wall, curls sticking to his forehead with sweat as he moans like a girl quietly in his very much girly costume, it’s different, okay? It’s different. Not, but Jason will have to get James to realize that a different time, because now he’s focused on getting James inside him and doesn’t really care if it’ll haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. James almost seems angry when Jason reaches to undo his jeans, like he’s trying to make himself angry so he’s not embarrassed. Typical James behavior. Typical James behavior is also fucking people till they break, which Jason is a little too excited for.

A position change and a few desperate kisses, and they’re back against the wall with James’ cock pressed against Jason’s hole. The guitarist twitches against the tight rim and he goes to bite his lip again, which does not go unnoticed. The bassist almost wants to laugh again at how badly James wants this.

“Desperate, huh?” Jason teases.

“Fuck you.”

“That’s a yes, isn’t it?”

“Shut up.”

Jason smiles lopsidedly, and James wants nothing more than to wipe it off his stupid, pretty face. So he grips Jason, white knuckling, and forces his hole down on his swollen cock, making them both groan. Jason’s eyes are wide as he’s stretched out and his legs shake and tremble . Hurts like a motherfucker, but damn, he knows it’ll be the best he’s had so far.

James doesn’t wait to prove that. He’s immediately ramming in and out of Jason, trying so desperately to hold back his embarrassingly girlish moans. It’s cute to Jason. He knows the poor guy is in the tightest hole he’s been in to date, because Jason knows himself, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. James can only tremble and watch his masculinity fade away as he’s being pleasured so immensely by a man, no, not a waitress, not a woman, no matter how much James wants to tell himself. James can’t control how fast he’s shoving himself in and out of Jason’s hole and the smaller boy almost feels bad— he’s really falling apart like a virgin. It almost reminds Jason of the first time he touched himself to a man. Except teenager Jason was exploring hormonal wants and James is fucking the prettiest guy around.

The bassist brings his hand up to the blonde’s face to gently caress it, the juxtaposition between the gentle touch and the rough sex below almost hilarious. His grayish eyes look into James’ blue ones, and he sees how vulnerable the boy is. He may be the one in Jason, but Jason’s done this before. With the Flotsam guys. With groupies. It’s not new. This is new to James because he’s denied himself for so long, and despite how awful James has treated the brunette, he feels the need to make the best for him.

“You’re doin’ so good- mmghh-, so good for giving in for me. Good boy, good boy-“ The bassist praises, tightening around him.

“S-stop-“

Jason pants, being cut off by a particularly hard thrust to his prostate. He seizes up, panicking, realizing he’s gonna cum. He’s gonna cum all over this costume he hasn’t bought and, well, it’s gonna be hot as fuck. James must’ve realized he’s gonna cum too, because he speeds up and goes even harder if that was possible. Jason cries out softly, trying to grab on to James as he feels his climax approaching. The humping the fingering, the fuck— it’s all gonna come crashing down into a brain numbing orgasm.

And that’s what happens when James stutters his hips and spills into him with no warning. Jason tenses, legs shaking and eyes watering, cum spurting out of him in thick ropes. It’s almost embarrassing how much he cums, and, James didn’t even bother to touch his cock. So why is he coming like a bitch in heat? And, funnily enough, James still isn’t convinced he’s gay despite cumming in another man’s ass. And liking it.

The two ride out their orgasms and catch their breath, thoughts spinning in their head. Am I gay now? What does this make us? Can we do that again? Did I seriously just cum in 5 minutes? The various hickeys become forgotten.

Questions left unanswered, because all that really matters is that Jason proved himself.

“…I still hate you, Newkid.”

[dreamwreaver]

I don't really have many friends to talk about this theory with, so I'm just typing to get this out of my head !!

I've seen a post bring up a point of how the HH team is pushing Alastor is an asexual and on the spectrum a lot, and there's a theory that, that may hint to something romantic happening in the show? I've seen others be like Lilith, Luci, or Rosie, but tbh idk think it's either of those three. Rosie seems more platonic, I think it's cute but I doubt it romantic, the other two according to Vivzie are in love.

For Vox, I feel like something romantic happened in the past which means = complicated, maybe one sided?

If it's actually something they're doing, it's probably Charlie. Maybe like a love triangle thingy?

Also If Alastor helped Vox in the past, maybe there's parallels between Vox and Charlie? 🤔

Back on the relationship bit, I've seen theories, hints and the things Viv personally put out that sort of hint to Charlastor or maybe I'm delusional.

Alastor seems to have a thing for blondes from Zoophobia, if Viv is keeping some of his lore. But that's sort of broad.

Charlie likes someone dark and mysterious, he does basically anything for her without needing to and don't really mind if she touches him, hold his microphone, and he pretty much climbs over her like a tree, Charlie defends him from her own family, friends, girlfriend, etc and they both share the same sense of humor. I think the real telling will be if Seviathan ever gets introduced. maybe.

The voice actors/team I noticed are.... very quiet about Charlastor, aside from showing prints. But sometimes open about RadioApple, Huskerdust, etc and apparently I saw a post that allegedly Charlie's voice actor ships Charlastor too, according to a fan. 🤔 Of course the whole 'tension bit' too

Idk I feel like, if it's something that's going to happen maybe they don't want it getting out or spoiling a season or episode. Idr think Charlastor fans drawing art on Viv's birthday, etc would stop that. But I am scared of the reaction of it was something planned

I just know though if Charlie was a guy, the ship wouldn't get much backlash/hate and be recognized as Al has a crush and toxic yaoi. Idk The way how Alastor acts towards Charlie is how villains act when they have a crush/"interested"/etc, they are very touchy/feely

Okay those was my thoughts, I had to get out !!

Firstly my sweet nonny consider this my official invitation to join me and other feral shippers in my charlastor discord. We'd love to have someone else to theorize with.

Second you've hit every nail on the head. We definitely know Vox and Alastor have a history of vague information but definite vibes. Look, there's no straight explanation for the amount of hatred Vox harbors towards Alastor. This has jilted suitor all over it. As for Alastor's feelings on the subject, well that's more complicated now isn't it? The few things we do know concerning Alastor's interpersonal stuff is that he hates 1. Men 2. Being touched without his explicit consent, and possibly 3. Being captured on film or video. In the dartboard we do see Alastor in a more relaxed posture as he stands next to whom we can only assume is Vox. Now, Alastor demonstrating that level of comfort speaks to how much trust he has in the person he's standing next to. And if Vox caught feelings and was rejected everything we know about his character seems to indicate he went full "Well who would want you anyways?" And when Alastor continued to go on within his afterlife completely unbothered it only irritated Vox even more.

Charlie would be the only glaring weak point Alastor has. While he may remain unaffected on the outside the fact that he's choosing to help out with the hotel at all is bad, as is the fact that it's run by the devil's little princess. And as a fellow overlord Vox knows the sheer amount of power and prestige Alastor could gain by making some sort of a deal with Charlie. The goal is also his weakness is the logic there. It's only natural Vox would try to get in between Alastor and Charlie as a way to tick off Alastor. In canon I'm not entirely sure how vaggie would react, since even if Charlie did ditch al for vox it would be trading one unscrupulous overlord for the other. (Ask me about vaggie sometime I can promise you I have a LOT of thoughts on how dirty she was done). In a weird way I ship radiobelle static? Perhaps more like radiobelle silence; where vox tried to woo Charlie just as a means of beating Alastor only to oops catch feelings just like the radio demon did. Charlie and al in that scenario also become a couple while vox becomes the third wheeliest third wheel to ever ignore the mood in the room.

As for the in canon dynamic, they're not setting up nothing. Alastor literally makes deer mating noises around her, those soft little squeaky toy noises? Yeah, that's deer mating sounds. Shes his exception, even if it never becomes canon in a romantic sense Charlie is going to become his most important person. Alastor liking blondes did carry over, I refuse to believe Rosie isn't an icy blonde, she's a blonde, so is Mimzy, and now Charlie. Maybe it's an asthetic thing, then again I believe the 20s focused a lot on blondes as glamorous and beautiful so that might have something to do with it. Anyways, Charlie's ideal man was once that sound bite from a sitcom where she describes the phantom of the opera, Viv has stated that Charlie and alastor's shared sense of humor is lonely island's Mona Lisa song. There is so much between the two of them that just makes sense. And it's not like Viv hasn't showed us she has a thing for royal and lower class. Stolitz is endgame canon and Charlie and alastor's ranks are literally mirrored. I'm sorry but even as a fallen Angel Vaggie would rank higher than the average sinner in terms of hierarchy.

My tinfoil hat theory is that it wasn't people who actually liked charlastor who harassed Viv to make it canon. It was antis, of course that would assume they're smart enough to employ this level of thinking. But, most normal fans (you know what I mean) wouldn't harass a creator because we know basic fandom ettiquite. Now what group of fans do we know has no problem harassing fans, actors, and literal showrunners to get their way? Again, this is me conspiracy boarding don't take it seriously.

I think the actors are just that; actors. Is it nice to know they share our ship? Sure, but it's not going to make me stop shipping it if they say it makes them uncomfortable. Art from artist and all that. We know Amir ships Charchar, which I now take to be pilot Charlie/show Charlie because it's funny. I know Erika once allegedly said something about royal Apple not knowing it was charcifer but that's it as far as her ships go. But I mean... come on, look at the promotional art of these two, they just fit. Charlastor was supposed to be an element of the story because Viv wanted to explore Charlie's bisexuality on screen by having her have crushes on men and women, including Alastor, but ultimately end up with a girl. But can you imagine the tension of Charlie trying to be professional if that had been the case? Delicious.

Also, let's be real, we do know how popular charlastor would be if it was gay because it's already the most vocally popular non canon ship. Radioapple is just gay charlastor and no I will not be taking any arguments about it. Charlie and Lucifer look the same, have the same awkward tendencies, the same sort of power appeal for someone like Alastor, etc. Charlie is very much her father's daughter. You can't even have an announcement about Chaggie merch without them whining in the comments about when they'll get their merch, the radioapple title got removed from the streamily print and they acted like they were the most abused and targeted part of the fandom when in reality they're the most toxic and vindictive.

Charlastor; we were talking about charlastor. Truth be told nonny I know a thing or two about narrative construction. Charlie and Alastor are the main characters, they're the most important narratively out of the core six. Their diametrically opposed views on redemption are a driving through line. Alastor now having to admit that it is possible to redeem a demon even though we have no concrete evidence of what Pentious did so that Charlie can replicate the success is an interesting concept to open season 2 with at the very least.

[fredbydawn]

Read your tags about Lawrence still being a cheater and you’re so right babessss

Give me Adam waiting for Lawrence to finally cheat on him too 🧎‍♀️ or you know what Adam just being a homewrecker to why not

YEEEESSSS!

Like going back to the idea that people who survive the traps and especially those who become apprentices get WORSE in whatever area of their life that landed them in the trap in the first place, I am a firm 'Lawrence continues to cheat on his wife and in universes where Adam lives he also cheats on Adam, either with his wife or whoever' truther. And also I think Adam's voyeurism and self destructive behavior could play nicely into all of that. Like imagine post game Adam who believes that the sole reason he even draws breath is to serve Lawrence (cuz lets be honest, not only was his test was kinda rigged and the only reason Jigsaw put him there was to die and push Lawrence forward, but it's also literally his purpose as far as the narrative goes as well) and even still he's not enough for Lawrence. And it kills him to know that, but he's drawn to watch every second of it, obsessed with the idea that he could finally learn what he lacks that Lawrence seeks out in other people, but he never will. And Lawrence, ever needing to be in control of the situation, seeing not much difference between this young man who is as devoted to him as a dog and the young nurse who confused the need to be recognized for her efforts by her superiors with wanting romantic attention from Lawrence...

Like I know we say that Lawrence x Adam is tragic yaoi while Hoffman x Strahm is toxic yaoi but when it comes to post trap Adam lives AUs... we should consider getting narsty with it

[jingledbells]

rant about billford to me. i love gravity falls and am horrified at the idea that anyone could romanticize their relationship and i want to hear more of your thoughts

hi Lucien!!!! 

as you might’ve known the book of bill just released (a week ago?? maybe more jeez) and uhm. a large amount of people have been drawn to bill and fords relationship as it’s been highlighted in the book. this isn’t a bad thing and I will admit their relationship is very interesting but what sucks is. how poorly people interpret them. In simple words, bill straight up abused ford. ford was an easy target for bill to manipulate. he was labeled a freak from birth and growing up he was constantly bullied, harassed and ostracized for his six fingers. because of this he wanted to prove to the world that he was more than a freak. he studied hard in school and excelled in academics in hopes to one day become a great renowned scientist and finally get the validation he never had. in senior year however there was a wrench in his plans. fords brother Stanley didn’t want him to go off to west coast tech and leave him behind so he ruined his chances into getting into west coast tech and it resulted  into him getting kicked out of the house and not reuniting with his brother until more than a decade later. anyways flash forward to the 1980s during his researcher era when ford discovers bill. ford instantly trusts him and bill feeds him that sweet validation that he never got(this is a major reason why ford was as vulnerable to bill and was such an easy victim). along with this bill manipulates ford and pushes away the only other human ford was close too, that being fiddleford, and said things to ford that made him lose trust in his only real friend at the time. my god and don’t get me started on the page in tbob where bill makes ford drink against his will. and like. bill didn’t care about ford as a person once. he only cared about him to the extent that he was a tool for him to use to get his way and when ford found him out, that angered him. he continued to harass him and called him his ‘property’ and ford lived in fear of him that his fucking eye bled and he went days, even weeks without sleeping to avoid him. Bill probably continued to harass him while he was dimension hopping until ford got the metal plate installed in his head to keep him out. and when ford was finally reunited with his family bill continued to harass him till the fucking end. he threatened to kill his family. he tortured him for hours in weirdmaggedon. i hate how people describe especially this era of them as ‘divorced toxic yaoi’ bill is straight up torturing and assaulting him.ford quite literally could not escape and this motherfucking dorito ruined his life. honestly it pains me anytime someone describes any era as ‘funny cute toxic yaoi’ because like. did you read the same book as me and did you watch the same show as me. are you that media illiterate that you can’t realize that it was abuse or are you do choose to ignore that just to label them as a ‘funny divorced toxic yaoi’ just for shipping purposes that you ignore everything that fucking happened between them. the majority of this fandom disgusts me that people will take the abuse ford suffered from bill just to call the ship between them ‘canon’ and use it as an excuse to ship them. sorry this is just me rambling this whole thing makes me so fucking mad that I can barely get out any words right lol

[littlestpetgoth]

i’m so freakishly curious abt yr descendant oc lore goodness gracious

hehe.. I'll try to explain it as well as I can, I remember making Mayosi a while back bc there was a short trend of everyone making descendent trolls and thus Mayosi Pyrope was born..

Mayosi is a descendent of Terezi Pyrope and like Terezi has a strong sense of justice, but they're more of a vigilante and dishes out justice like they're batman or something. Think anime samurai batman.. That's what Mayosi is supposed to be..

But being raised by Humans on Earth C Mayosi never really toughens up enough to be a proper vigilante, they often get their ass handed to them in conflicts and end up fleeing, humiliated and frustrated. They're continuously training to be a hardcore samurai batman, stunted by their gentle loving and kind human guardians. Their other interests include skateboarding and trying to be rad.. I'm still struggling to get a good grasp on them.

Acarid Serket is the descendent of Vriska and belongs to Ko vintagegamebro! I don't think I should try to explain his character since I'm an idiot and Ko's mind is just too big and powerful, but Mayosi and Acarid have a really strained relationship..

Mayosi is Acarid's first and few friends, this leads to Acarid forming a delulu attachment to Mayosi and persistently bothers Mayosi knowing they will let him get away with anything. Acarid wanting to force Mayosi to follow Terezi's legacy blinds them with acid, this kindd of pushes Mayosi to their limit and they try to ignore and ghost Acarid.. But it's hard to ignore a guy who can mind control you into responding to him and also can just come to your house whenever he pleases.. That's the context for that one series of images where Mayosi's carving his sign into their skin because it's Acarid reminding Mayosi that they can never get rid of him.. Mayosi recognizes how horrible Acarid can be and feels obligated to be with him so that everyone else is spared..

I'm not the smartest so I can't really get into Mayosi's classpect, I honestly don't even remember what it was supposed to be lol.

uhh Also, eventually Mayosi kind of gets their shit together and fights back against Acarid. They cut out his eye and cut off his arm to injure him like Vriska was, this freaks Acarid out because despite following so closely in his ancestor's footsteps he was ultimately supposed to out do her and be better than her, so he never intended to be wounded like her. The aftermath is kind of uncertain but I think a lot that maybe Acarid kills Mayosi in his hissy fit...

They're crazy toxic doomed yaoi and they make each other worse, but they can't escape the other and are trapped in the nightmare they've built together..

I'm pretty sure that's most of it! : P

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 3

Propaganda under the cut

Shiv Roy

She's honestly kind of a canonical victim of yaoi almost. She and her husband Tom have a loveless marriage but never end up getting divorced. Tom has a weird psychosexual obsession with Shiv's cousin Greg and at one point literally compares them all to the time Emperor Nero pushed his wife down the stairs and then castrated and married a slave boy named Sporus (Tom is unwell). Anyway the show just ended and long story short Tom is now CEO of Shiv's family's evil company and she is reduced to being his pregnant wife (which is the result of her voting not to authorize either of her brothers as CEO in order to save them from themselves) and Tom made another weird comment about literally owning Greg. And now people who ship Tom and Greg are like "omg it's canon we won" but I don't. Think that they did. Sorry I'm rambling it was just a really good finale idek if this counts but

I will be honest I'm not really tuned into the tomgreg fandom, but tons of people wanted tom to leave shiv and get with greg and tons of people thought shiv was the devil incarnate and refused to see any nuance in her character and I don't think those two things are a coincidence. 

She gets a lot of hate from fans, largely just for being a woman who reacts in a non pretty way to abuse and for doing the exact same shitty stuff her brothers do. But also a large part of the hate she gets comes from the people who ship her husband with her cousin. To the point where people claim she's abusing her husband who views her as an accessory, a baby factory, and a ticket to money. Don't get me wrong, their relationship is incredibly toxic and unhealthy, but it is so on both of their parts. But Shiv's the only one who gets criticized for it

Peggy Carter

She’s a victim of Stucky mainly bc of the way marvel used her to give Steve an ooc ‘happy ending, but I know I’ve seen some posts calling her toxic or something it was 2019 so In CAT:FA, she’s introduced as a confident British agent. She has some chemistry w Steve Rogers (although more fans (on tumblr at least) preferred Steve and Bucky). She wasn’t just *woman who is strong*, but also had some emotional depth, with an actual range of emotion outside of angry and sad. She had a spin-off show, and she just continued to fight Russians and misogynists, even having chemistry in an almost wlw relationship and an eventual marriage to a famous shield agent. She went through character development and just was an awesome character. Then you know what endgame does? It has Steve Rogers travel back in time and take all of that development away. Most fans were mad at Marvel, and a lot were mad at Steve, but some fans threw Peggy completely under the bus, saying that they traded the (fanon?) queer ship/(canon) friendship for a bland love interest, which, um, she was so much more then that? I remember people really disliking Peggy, which isn’t fair to her character when she is/was so much more then that.

Peggy is vilified by people who ship Steve with his war comrade Bucky Barnes. I’ve even seen people claiming baselessly that she was secretly HYDRA the whole time. 

She gets in the way of stucky which OBVIOUSLY gives people, most of them women themselves, the right to be ridiculously misogynistic. Dismissing her character arc, traits, presence in the movies and her part in Steve Roger's life, saying she is insignificant on the ground of very subjective readings is one thing, but outright calling her 'just some old coochie', among other colourful, wonderful things, is another. They also keep reaching to villainize her (saying she's a literal nazi which she's not) and cancel her so their ship is somehow made more valid for it, erasing the competition as it were.

[iieonarch]

A visit from a dear

TW / CW // degradation , non-con choking (this entire thing is non-con) , stabbing , blood , toxic yaoi moment fr , canon divergence , ocxcanon, renhai

There are no such things as the moon or the stars. Even as Hai Chang Jun leaned against the rocks surrounding the hot spring in his home, he still gazed at the sky to admire the lies plastered over Luofu to protect its people. 

The hot spring is situated in an open area in his home where bushes of flowers and well-made pathways decorated with rocks fill in the space, and a few tall trees loom over him for shade. When there is the light of a new day, the area will temp anyone to soak in the hot spring for hours to no end. But the light of the day is replaced as it comes to an end, and without it, the shadows hidden behind the rocks and bushes could be anything but a simple shadow. The steam rose into the air and cast a veil on his surroundings, dangerously clouding his sight.

Even with the risk of those shadows morphing into danger, Hai Chang Jun chose to close his eyes and sink deeper into the hot spring. He leaned his head against the rock as he sighed at the warmth of the waters. The thin robe he wore into the hot spring was drenched and clung onto his skin, and did an incredible job at making his exposed skin prickle with goosebumps each time the wind grazed their fingers on him. 

The winds continued to pester him; sometimes, a gust would be harsher than the last, making Hai Chang Jun shiver, accompanied by a shaky sigh. 

Out of nowhere, Hai Chang Jun smiled. Despite how his teeth chattered from the night winds, he let out a small laugh. “Trespassing, that’s rather impolite,” he spoke as he wrapped his arms around himself, disturbing the water’s surface, “especially after I let the hot spring entrance unlock for you.” 

There was no sound except the rustling of the leaves to answer his words, yet, it did not deter his composure as he continued to wait. 

“May I know why I have such a well-known visitor barging in? Not even letting me put on appropriate clothes as well,” Hai Chang Jun let out another laugh at the end, genuinely amused by the sudden turn of events. 

The silence continued to reply at Hai Chang Jun. So, Hai Chang Jun closed his eyes once more, and the winds picked up. 

Instead of the winds’ cold fingers on his skin, brushing tenderly––the touch was rough, closing around his neck in a tight grip forcing his lips open to inhale sharply. The attacker made no sound as he pressed Hai Chang Jun harder against the rock and disrupted the water around them; Hai Chang Jun let out a pained gasp when the rough surface of the stone dug into his back. His hands came up to grab the attacker’s wrist that held his neck in a ferocious lock preventing him from breathing as he pleased.

Pale blue eyes met dark red eyes. Hai Chang Jun gave the man towering above him a strained smile, he who willingly let his clothes soak in the hot spring so long as he could keep Hai Chang Jun under his gaze. 

“Truly an honor,” Hai Chang Jun let out slowly. His tone had the same gentleness of addressing a dear despite his situation. Blade’s grip around his throat tightened the moment he spoke and Hai Chang Jun couldn’t stop his smile from wavering. The sound of Hai Chang Jun’s struggle for a small gulp of oxygen became more evident. 

Blade’s scowl deepened before he harshly pulled Hai Chang Jun forward without warning. Hai Chang Jun would have lost his footing entirely if it weren’t for Blade holding him by his neck, but perhaps he would rather embarrass himself if it meant for a moment to breathe. 

“So loyal to the general, aren’t you?” Blade mocked in a low tone and pushed his thumb against Hai Chang Jun’s Adam’s apple, earning him a stifled whimper from Hai Chang Jun. 

“Nothing but a pawn,” Blade went on as he pushed his fingers into Hai Chang Jun’s skin, noting how his features scrunched in pain, struggling to stay conscious as he became more restricted from oxygen, “you disappoint me.” 

A choked noise tore out of Hai Chang Jun’s lips as Blade continued to mercilessly press his thumb harder into the skin of his throat. Hai Chang Jun’s eyes shut tightly; his desperation drove tears to his eyes when his hands grew loose around Blade’s wrist. The sight was pitiful and not something that Blade was used to when it came to Hai Chang Jun; based on whatever was left of his memory of Hai Chang Jun, he would not be this easy. Or has it only been Blade’s wish that clouded the reality that is Hai Chang Jun? 

Blade clicked his tongue and finally released Hai Chang Jun’s throat, pushing him into the hot spring waters without a care of whether the sharp rocks would wound Hai Chang Jun’s skin hard enough to draw blood, but Blade didn’t need to question it. He had drawn his sword. 

Hai Chang Jun only managed to let out a gasp and grasped the rocks around him to keep himself stable. But not after a few inhales Blade’s sword hovered on his chest. Hai Chang Jun’s chest rose and fell as he waited. His eyes looked up at Blade with bravery despite the chances of his heart being pieced through. 

“Weak,” Blade spat out in a poisonous tone, intending to break Hai Chang Jun in every way possible as he allowed the tip of his sword to touch Hai Chang Jun’s skin, devoid of any scars. Therefore, Blade will take the honor to be the first to give him one. 

The sword pierced through Hai Chang Jun’s skin, hard enough to make the man at the receiving end grit his teeth at the pain of his flesh ripped apart at a slow and agonizing pace. Every second until the first drops of red rolled down his skin like ink on paper before it tainted the water. Hai Chang Jun’s eyes narrowed and his gaze wavered to the sword that Blade mercilessly dragged downwards, carving a line of deep red that stretched sharply where more of his blood trickled into the hot spring. “Not screaming for help? I thought the general’s dog would immediately bark to alert his owner for a criminal like me,” Blade mocked and for the first time, the corners of his lips lifted in a cruel smile. 

Hai Chang Jun replied Blade’s bloodthirsty smile with a sincere one. Unexpectedly, Hai Chang Jun’s hand wrapped itself around the weapon that had stopped moving yet was still stubborn from detaching itself from him. “What power do I, an innocent Luofu citizen have on capturing a criminal?” Hai Chang Jun deflected only for his features to stiffen when Blade tried to move the sword after listening to his words, the edge of the sword cut deeper into the flesh of his hand. 

Blade’s smile had long disappeared the moment Hai Chang Jun spoke. He let out an amused huff despite the now emotionless expression at Hai Chang Jun’s persistence and seemingly fearlessness at the thought of hurting himself by grasping Blade’s sword. 

Out of nowhere, Blade forcefully pulled his sword out of Hai Chang Jun’s grip not caring of the pained gasp Hai Chang Jun let out from the way the edge of the sword harshly slashed his palm. Only then did Hai Chang Jun break his gaze from Blade, placing his hand on his chest in a fist as the small river of blood continued to flow onto the water. Hai Chang Jun’s breath quickened from the sudden action and his arm shook from the pain that shot through his senses just as quickly as how Blade had left him. 

When Hai Chang Jun raised his head, the tall figure of the wanted Stellaron Hunter was nowhere to be seen. The shadows around the hot spring felt easier to gaze at and the winds shifted to gentle strokes against his wounded skin, as if reassuring him after the sudden visit. 

The palm that still burned from Blade’s sword pulsed as he tightened his fist, the sting keeping him conscious while he tried to calm his racing heart and thoughts. 

A moment later, Hai Chang Jun let out a sigh and at the same moment, his caretaker barged into the hot spring area. His caretaker’s worried features morphed into bewilderment seeing that Hai Chang Jun was awake. “Sir, I thought you’d fallen asleep,” he said before he approached Hai Chang Jun. However, his eyes widened upon seeing the blood that stained Hai Chang Jun’s skin and still continuously flowed into the water. “You’re bleeding––?! Please, wait a moment, I’ll get you your towels,” the caretaker rambled, panic etched in the words that poured out of his lips that Hai Chang Jun didn’t manage to entirely catch as he dashed out of the hot spring area. Hai Chang Jun even didn't have the chance to tell him a lie that he slipped in the hot spring. 

But the sight did make his heart lighter. Making his caretaker worried every time he fell asleep in the hot spring for more than a few hours, this almost felt like the routine he had always gone through and not the encounter that had happened. 

Unfortunately, the throbbing of his fresh wounds served as a reminder that this was not a nightmare.

[xxxxholic]

black suit yaoi is also up there however i mist continue to push my beatrice toxic yuri agenda

blue archive memes suck by and large (because 99% of them is the same two regurgitated child rape jokes) but allergy donor is evergreen

[yaoioioay]

@elaine2895

Hey~ Thank you very much <3 And I don’t mind, don’t worry!! Sorry if I took my sweet time and I’ll answer here. Hmmm… this is going to be such a mess >.< BEWARE SPOILERS

First of all: K-POP ships!!

Chanyeol x Baekhyun (EXO)

Hoshi x Woozi (SEVENTEEN) Honestly 2020-1 feels like such a fever dream for all the howoo moments we got XD Hosh managed to win him over with hugs and persistence and Woo got tired of aggressively rejecting him, he just went oh well if you can’t beat the, join them, so now they’re being disgustingly cute and domestic together.

Minho x Han (STRAY KIDS)

Wooyoung x San (ATEEZ)

Jungkook x Jimin (BTS)

-

Zuko x Katara. Loved them <3 From when they were stuck in a cave, to taking revenge for Katara’s mother, to fighting Azula together and Zuko protect her!! kyaa! They’re literally yin and yang, fire and water, push and pull.

Sokka x Suki. The normal ones, but they are still so badass. They have such a comfortable and loving relationship! (ATLA)

Then my CLAMP soulmates!!!

Kurogane x Fai. Very straightforward, distant but caring ninja-samurai and secretive, sly but kind mage <3 They have an understanding, the only adults of the group, become parents and role models for Sakura and Syaoran. Kuro sees through his lies and even if he dislikes his methods he’s very protective of him. You can’t tell me they spent 6 months in Yama alone, where nobody understood Fai and nothing happened. -_- Also when Fai becomes a vampire Kuro is the only one he can feed from.

Tsubasa x Tsubasa. Syaoran and Sakura are my favourite straight couple ever, no matter the series. Syaoran going through different worlds just to retrieve the memories of the one he loves, even if she’ll never remember him *sob sob* (Tsubasa Chronicle)

Syaoran x Sakura. Couples that simp together for the same guy, stay together. They’re the cutest.

Toya x Yukito. My first yaoi ship, young me was so happy when they actually got together. Yuki having another being inside him and Toya being very aware of what happens around him, always wanting to help Yuki, to the point of letting him consume his energy and all his powers. Yuki being kinda jealous of the girls around Toya, being used to being his number one (Cardcaptor Sakura)

Doumeki x Watanuki. The devotion <3 Doumeki always protecting Watanuki, taking on his pain, giving him blood, giving him half of his eye *sob sob*. Is it gay to get together with a girl who also loves Watanuki, just so you can make heirs that will stay with him forever, while he’s stuck being basically immortal in the wish granting shop (xxxHolic)

Fuuma x Kamui. The sexual tension and the pain, oh the pain. Probably my bloodiest ship, they keep hurting each other but I can’t resist *sob sob*

Sorata x Arashi. So beautiful, enemy to friend to lover. They pop up from time to time in other works as a happy married couple (X)

Seishirou x Subaru. The most toxic relationship ever where your boyfriend kills your sister. And even after years, while you’re busy angsting and being emo, he’s still obsessing over you and continuously stalking you (Tokyo Babylon)

Fujimoto x Kobato. Kinda angsty but also really sweet (Kobato)

Rikuo x Kazaya. Very mysterious and intriguing, one distant and cold on the outside but really caring on the inside, the other wanting to know all his secrets and to just help him *sighs*

Kakei x Saiga. The most domestic of lovers, with supernatural powers. Reincarnation of Kokuyo, a son of Satan and Hisui, one of the four Angels Masters of the elements, from Wish (Legal Drug)

Yasha x Ashura. Kinda weird but also still very beautiful.

Kendappa x Souma. Best yuri romance (RG Veda)

Then we have my MXTX pairings!!

Hua Cheng x Xie Lian. Hualian invented first love. Hua loyalty and devotion, he was a homeless kid, the prince told him “if you have no reason to live, make me your reasons” and he took that literally. For 800 years, he did nothing but try to find Xie and worship him. And when he meets him *kyaa* he’s so shy, but they work so well together and they’re really domestic XD

Feng Xin x Mu Qing. Cat and dog, always fighting each other, but can surprisingly work well together, they’re in sync for people that declare they hate each other. They really care for each other deep down, but 800 years of misunderstandings and unsaid things stand in their way.

He Xuan x Shi Qingxuan. Kinda unhealthy, starts as the hottest yuri couple, but then we find out Xuan was hiding his identity from Shi and got close to him because he wanted to take revenge on his brother he having switched their destinies. Then proceeds to test and hurt and mentally torture him because they would still want to save his brother after knowing everything (Tian Guan Ci Fu)

Lan Wangji x Wei Wuxian. Steady devotion. Full of ups and downs, Started as frenemies with Wei teasing Lan and them not getting along, but still developing crushes on each other. Then demonic cultivation got in their way and ruined everything, but Lan was still devastated when Wei died and spent years atoning, punishing himself, taking care of their son and looking for Wei’s soul. And when he finally was reincarnated, he was always there, to defend him, fight with him and comfort him through everything.

Xue Yang x Xiao Xingchen. Really unhealthy relationship. Enemies to friends to almost lovers. Xiao was the one to arrest Xue, which led him to being hurt and developing an obsession with making Xiao suffer, so he went to his best friend and killed his family and blinded him. Xiao then went to a healer and gouged his eyes to give to him and when his friend in anger told him to go away, he exiled himself. Xiao later saved Xue not knowing who he was and nursed him back to health, and Xiao stayed with him for years. At first he wanted to hurt and humiliate him, he made him unknowingly kill people, but later he started caring about him, but everything was ruined when Xiao’s friend found him and Xue made him kill him. From then all the truths came out and Xiao couldn’t handle it so he killed himself. Xue was distraught, but he managed to seal his soul and kept obsessing over trying to save him in any way.

Jin Gyun x Lan Xichen. “The only one I never thought of hurting was you”. Wangxian, but gone wrong. Xichen kept on being loyal and believing his friend over anyone else, and in the end he was wrong and he was tricked into killing him (Mo Dao Zu Shi)

Qin Jiu x You Huo. My recent favourite <3 The world keeps interfering and keeping them apart, they can’t be open about their relationship, the system keeps erasing their memories. They met and fell in love from scratch 3 times and finally they can be together now. Their subtle devotion to each other, Yuo always wearing the earring Qin gave him. Qin always wearing a scarf because he used it to cover his bloody wound to not make Yuo worried at the end of their second time and even without his memories, he keeps wearing it because he knows he doesn’t want to worry someone. Yuo taking the punishment instead of Qin their first time, Qin waiting patiently for Yuo to wake up in the hospital at the end because he promised he would and together they would find a solution for Yuo eyes their first time. Qin always being a little shit and naturally teasing You, no matter if they’re enemies, him longing for Yuo and subconsciously knowing they want the same thing even if everyone keeps telling him they’re on opposite sides.

922 x 154. Cute dynamic, and it surprisingly really works out for them in the end (Global Examination)

Diluc x Kaeya. sWoRn BrOtHeRs in a Chinese game… 👀. Inseparable in youth, always on the same train of thought, until the incident. They both broke that night, Diluc became the most brooding and self-destructive vigilante. Kaeya stopped telling the truth and became the flirtiest and shadiest knight. There is a distance between them, but they still love each other, no matter how Luc tried to kill him and scarred, or all the lies Kae told him and all the pain he gave him. Communicate through letters, big names in the underground information network, often team up together, always spending time with each other even if they tease and insult each other all the time.

Alhaitham x Kaveh. Their banter is always so amazing. Super serious, logical, basically a robot x super dramatic, passionate and sentimental. Both super smart, geniuses on their fields, friends since school, ROOMMATES, act like an old married couple or exes. Can wholly be themselves with each other. Al always teasing and showing emotions, Kav always pouting and nitpicking.

Ningguanng x Beidou. Rich mommy x Pirate mommy. Independent strong women who see each other once in a while, are always together then, play chess together, trust each other the most.

Lisa x Jean. Married. Shady librarian x Grandmaster of the Knights. Super flirty, frivolous and lazy x super serious, diligent and hard-working.

Ayato x Thoma. Thoma best waifu, perfect househusband material. Ayato always teasing him. They’re basically married.

Venti x Xiao. Immortal angsty short wind boys. Venti’s music is the only thing that can ease Xiao’s suffering.

Zhongli x Childe. Started as a mission but gradually fell in love with each other. Childe is Zhongli’s sugar daddy, you can’t change my mind. Zhongli is all of Childe’s wildest fantasies came to life, someone stronger and better at combat than him, who’s also super hot and a god?! ALSO THEIR MARRIAGE CHOPSTICKS!!!

Albedo x Sucrose. Cute introverted mad science nerds (Genshin Impact)

Malleus x Leona. Bickering kings, always fighting, but they understand each other the most, they’re the only ones who don’t fear the other’s power.

Rook x Vil. A Queen and his hunter. Vil relies so much on his vice and Rook admires Vil so so much… I mean ‘Beautiful Vil’, really?!! -_- (Twisted Wonderland)

Diavolo x Lucifer. Diavolo is the number one Lucy simp, always looking for him and telling him how beautiful he is, how much he treasures him, how much he cares… Lucifer is also a simp, ready to fight anyone who disrespects his lord, always ready to do whatever wants (Obey Me!)

Lucifer x Sandalphon. Coffee ship, their relationship is basically full of devotion, miscommunication and sacrifice. I just want them to be happy :’( (Grandblue Fantasy)

Sephiroth x Cloud. Super intense nenemies! My god, the remake, did you really need this much sexual tension, why do they stand so close together, why does Seph have to whisper everything in Cloud’s ear? “I will never be a memory, Cloud” kyaa! Really Seph?? As long as he remembers you, you’re going to stalk him throughout all the franchises? Man you kill your crazy superior once and he’s gonna come back even crazier and obsessed with you. For real though, this is a very toxic relationship, especially with Seph referring to Cloud as his puppet and taking away his free will, no matter how much can Cloud kick his ass, Seph is just so controlling and dominating (Final Fantasy 7)

Castiel x Dean. The deadliest hunter with several issues and his guardian Angel <3 I mean Cas literally saved him from Hell, Dean then showed him what it means to be human and caused his rebellion against Heaven, they keep saving and sacrificing for each other. Cas would always choose to save Dean among millions of others. Went through so much, ups and downs, always found their way to each other, no matter the mistakes they did , they could always rely on the other (Supernatural)

Derek x Stiles. Started as antagonistic, with Der threatening to bite Stil’s head off numerous times, but always coming to his rescue in the end. Stil always figuring everything and having a plan to save everyone every time and Der being there to support and defend him. “You two make a good couple.” Literally everyone could see it, too bad it didn’t happen in the end, we were so close :( Stil held his paralysed body in a pool for 2 hours, he made him the king in his chess board, he’s really really sad when Der is leaving. Der literally subconscious is Stiles calming him down and trying to break the situation logically, he trusts him the most out of anyone (Teen Wolf)

Klaus x Hayley. Best divorced even if they were never married type of parents. They change and learn for and from each other. Very protective, you better never touch their family.

Elijah x Hayley. Loved them, Elijah protecting her from the start, their intensity, the sexual tension. Elijah despair and devastation after he learns that his actions killed the person he loves *sob sob* (The Originals)

Rakan x Xayah. Best couple!! Rakan is always there to protect her and she’s such a badass and they love each other so much!!

Sett x Aphelios. Badass couple, opposite attract. Brutal crime boss and pit fighter hiding a heart of gold and silent and stoic warrior Lunari!

Yasuo x Riven. Two people in search of redemption, answers and a purpose, finding it in each other <3 (League of Legends)

Percy x Annabeth. I love them! Their relationship is amazing, the slowest burn, they keep overcoming adversities together, getting past their hung ups. Their devotion and synergy, they’re the perfect team together, Annabeth wisdom and strategy, Percy improvisation and raw power. Tartarus <3

Will x Nico. Darkness and the Sun, opposite attracts <3 (Percy Jackson / Heroes of Olympus)

Wade x Peter. Spideypool is so much fun! Two very different people, with different values and methods that still work magnificently together and are always hilarious when they hang out. Also them trying to understand the other and learn from them <3 (Marvel)

Dick x Jason. Love their dynamic, from former Robins to becoming vigilantes with their own sense of justice. Starting on a bad foot, with jealousy and resentment, but still getting closer and depending on the other, Dick call I’m him ‘little wing’ <3 Then Jason’s death *sob sob*, his antagonistic return and still later coming to help defend Gotham and patch things up with the Bats. They both got into fights with Bruce, be it verbally or physically (Batman)

Lincoln x Octavia. Very intriguing and beautiful, from the start he saved her, and kept on protecting her, she was finally free with him. But then his death *sob sob*, his last words “I love you”. And from then everything was never the same (The 100)

Hak x Yona. So wonderful, really slow burn. Yona character growth, from spoiled little princess to badass warrior queen. Hak constant devotion to her, always protecting her and caring for her (Akatsuki no Yona)

Hatsuharu x Isuzu. Angsty yet wonderful. Rin is distant and behaves coldly but she’s so selfless and self-sacrificing, always trying to keep Haru’s best interests in mind and to protect him. He only cares about her wellbeing and happiness, he’s ready to defend her from everything and always support her.

Kyo x Tohru. Perfect romance, kinda slow but steady. Always there for each other, ready to anything to make the other happy, able to accept every part of them.

Yuki x Machi. Hatori x Mayuko. Kureno x Arisa. All amazing and cute, didn’t expect them to work out this well.

Shigure x Akito. Weird, but it surprisingly works, similar kinds of people, manipulative assholes (Fruits Basket)

Usui x Misaki. One of my favourite couples ever! They’re so cool and sweet together, nothing beats two super competent people trying to navigate feelings. Usui finds out Misa, the student council president at his school, secretly works as in a maid cafe. So he keeps going there to tease her and discover this new side of her. Usui is naturally smart and rich, but lonely and Misa is very hard-working, trying to help her mother and sister and really busy, she doesn’t have time for simple things. Their relationship is simply beautiful, they unknowingly help each other fill the void in their lives, but without being codependent, their existence is just richer because the other is in it now (Maid Sama)

Ren x Kyoko. Lovee them <3 Ren, experienced actor, Kyoko, newbie trying to become a new woman after her recent breakup, she’s very talented and her spark intrigues Ren. Their relationship is very slow burning but also very intense at moments (Skip Beat)

Ren x Nana. *sob sob* Beautiful yet tragic relationship. Very real, full of very high ups and really low downs.

Nobuo x Nana. Also very real, really cute and comfortable together, but sometimes that’s not enough.

Takumi x Nana. Surprisingly not bad, two people just having fun chasing something that caught their eye, can be pretty serious (Nana)

Otani x Risa. Super cute and wholesome and emotional romance between a short guy and a tall girl! (Lovely Complex)

Yuu x Nao. Funny and cute but also beautiful, interesting dynamic. From two people being interested and comfortable around each other, to accepting every part of themselves and the other, to overcoming various adversities, to Yuu stealing and erasing all abilities because of a promise he made to Nao (Charlotte)

Dazai x Chuuya. Double black!! Most interesting relationship, slightly toxic but very hot. Dazai being a manipulative dick, but very deep down caring for Chuuya’s wellbeing. Like, I’m the only one allowed to tease and kill you, I’ll destroy anyone who even thinks of trying. From 15, when he manipulated him into joining the mafia, to all their time together, as the strongest combo, capable of wiping entire organisations of ability users overnight. But in the end he left him behind *sob*. Always bickering like an old married couple. The nicknames they have for each other XD

Fukuzawa x Mori. Also dark and kinda unhealthy. Ex-assassin, turned bodyguard fo the very deadly underground doctor, turned president of the Armed Detective Agency and boss of the Port Mafia. They’re very weird people, one is obsessed with cats and talks with them, the other is a lolicon and his ability is a little girl who always talks back to him and that he loves spoiling. Basically a divorced couple that keeps on fighting custody battles, Ysano, Oda, Dazai…

Ranpo x Poe. Super cute and funny. Poe is such a fanboy and would do everything Ranpo asks him for. And Ranpo is simply living his best life and enjoying every moment of their time together (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Vanitas x Noe. Vanitas x Jeanne. Noe x Domi. Jeanne x Domi. I ship all of the together so much. Vaninoe are so funny, their dynamic is hilarious and they’re always bickering but also saving each other. Jeanne and Vani are so hot and so cute together. And Vani actually feeling real emotions for her and being surprised that someone could love someone like him *kyya sob*. Domi and Noe are also incredible together, the trust they have in each other, always being ready to do everything for the other. And Jeanne ad Domi are adorable together, two sweet and cute badass women vampire, who are surprisingly compfortable around each other.

Jean x Chloe. Cute domestic couple. Jean is Chloe’s protector and companion, he’s very devoted and caring towards her (Vanitas no Carte)

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Sukuna x Fushiguro. Sukuna is the n°1 simp and no one can convince me otherwise. From their first fight, Sukuna has only been interested in one human, everyone else is nothing. I mean he reunited with his servant after 1000 years and what did he do, go to save Megu, he was like my Megu senses are tingling, better check it out.

Gojo x Geto. “We are the strongest”. To still calling each other best friend even on opposite sides. To your boy saving you because someone thought using your body and attacking your boyfriend was a smart idea…*it is*

Maki x Nobara. Most badass beautiful capable of kicking ass couple. Senpa-kohai relationship, “I repspect you Maki-san”. To Noba being the most aggressive lesbian ever, from Fumi to Saori, even with Mai. Start Shibuya together, separated, end up disfigured on the verge of death. Just waiting for them to appear on a panel together, from the new scarred Maki with short hair to seeing Noba in an eyepatch (Jujutsu Kaisen)

Gintoki x Hijikata. Very similar but still really different, like two faces of the same coin, the snape is the same, the details are different. Two thorny kids, difficult past, tragic backstory, raw strength and agility, similar ideals. Always hilarious together, but also work splendidly well together and in their darker moments are ready to save, motivate and encourage the other.

Gintoki x Tsukuyo. Soo cute yet cool. He saved her world, then she helped him keep fighting, then he saved her from her past and she kept on helping him overcome every obstacle in his way. She has a super cute crush on him and an get pretty nervous and clumsy around him, when drunk she’s just aggressively flirting and ordering him around.

Kyubei x Tae. Was actually really good, since the Yagyuu arc I shipped them, once Kyu stopped being an asshole and we discovered their backstory, I started rooting for her. She’s very protective and always trying to spend time and hang out with her (Gintama)

Zoro x Sanji. Always fighting and bickering. Loyal to the crew and to each other, surprisingly comfortable together, on the same wavelength, would die for each other.

Marco x Ace. Fire x fire. Love it, mostly based on headcanons. Blue phoenix who can heal and hot-headed fire logia. Marco was the one to convince him to join the crew. Poor Marco he lost everyone *sob sob*

Luffy x MEAT. The one and only true ship in all of 1000 chapters of One Piece.

Sabo x Koala. Usopp x Kaya. Super adorable and sweet

Nami x Vivi. They got along so well during Alabasta, Nami made some huge sacrifices to help Vivi and get there as soon as possible, she really cared about her and gave it her all to free her country without expecting a reward in return (One Piece)

Grimmjow x Ichigo. Very hot, blue and orange. Savage hollow, thinks himself king, always wanting to get stronger and win against other people. Not so normal hybrid teenager, find himself in the middle of all the chaos, only wants to protect his friends, if only they didn’t get kidnapped at every turn. Doesn’t really want to fight, but deep down he instinctively chooses to. Their fight made Ichi stronger and brought out all his instincts and he saves Grimm, teaching him mercy and how to be more human.

Renji x Rukia. From childhood friend, to schoolmates to estranged to lovers. Renji totally had a crush on her when they were little, she felt left behind in school and what’s more they got separated when she was adopted by the Kuchiki and him being happy for her did more bad than good. When he was sent to capture her, he didn’t want to seriously hurt her and when she was imprisoned, she wasn’t scared of him still kept teasing him. He then gave his all and sacrificed everything in order to save her and they lived together ever happily being dumbasses and helping Ichigo.

Ikkaku x Yumichika. I want to know more about their past!! Couples who fight and keep secrets together, stay together. For real though, Ikka hides that he has a Bankai from everyone except Yumi and he hides the true form of his Zanpakuto. They seem polar opposite, Ikka is a meat-head muscular bald brute and Yumi is an elegant delicate beautiful guy. But in reality they’re both bloodthirsty and savage fighters.

Kyoraku x Ukitake. Also want to know more about their past! Best friends since the academy, they’ve known and been partners for a thousand years, always fighting together and protecting each other, always enjoying their time together.

Ulquiorra x Orihime. A monster and the woman who didn’t ever fear him and taught him what a heart was.

Isshin x Masaki. Forbidden romance, a Shinigami and a Quincy, they saved each other against White, and he gave all his powers for her and they lived a joyous normal life as humans and became parents.

Yoruichi x Soi Fon. Master x servant, but without too much power imbalance. Fon idolises Yoru and is a sticker for the rules, but Yoru is very chill. The only thing she wanted was to not get left behind, why couldn’t she bring her along when she escaped Soul Society? This caused Fon to be hell bent on surpassing her and even more rigid in her rule abiding. But after getting her ass kicker, she resume worshipping the ground Yoru walk on, this time as her equal (Bleach)

Shikamaru x Temari. Best pairing, from the chunin exam, they had chemistry and an interesting dynamic. Shika needs someone to kick his ass into gear.

Asuma x Kurenai. Tragic perfect couple. Really sad *sob*, poor Kure, Mira and team 10.

Naruto x Sasuke. Should’ve ended up together. There’s no way someone is so obsessed with another guy unless they’re in love. “Because you’re my friend” my ass. Naru had a panic attack when he thought someone killed Sasu. Got stronger for him. Forgave him after everything he had done, after he killed so many people.

Sakura x Ino. Should’ve been together, ex-best friends, both obsessed with Sasu. Should’ve have overcome and made up in the chunin exams, after their fight (Naruto)

Hizashi x Aizawa. From classmates to teachers! Hizashi cares so much and he’s the only one who calls him by his first names, always bothering him, but also letting him sleep. They’re basically a married couple.

Mirio x Tamaki. Cuute, super friendly and very shy couple. Both had difficulty with their quirks, but learned and motivated each other, now two of the strongest in the entire school. Mirio is Tamaki’s light, always believing in him and saying that one day he’ll manage to eat even the Sun and surpass him, he just needs to have confidence in himself.

Kirishima x Bakugo. The only one Baku trusts, and can be completely comfortable and himself with. Treating him as his sidekick, but also believing in his abilities more than anyone. Always patient and accepting with him.

Hawks x Dabi. Could’ve been great. Hawks going undercover in the League of Villains, getting closer to him, learning about him, and maybe finding out the thrush about Endeavour and defecting for real. Mostly headcanon, but even in the series they have this weirdly intense moments, the sexual tension! Also I think there’s more to be revealed (My Hero Academia)

Hisoka x Illumi. ‘All the best people are crazy’ personified. Probably really toxic and deranged, two crazy good fighters, always teaming up and conspiring together. From the Hunter exam, to Yorknew, to the election arc, to the boat en route to the Dark Continent. Hisoka paid Illumi to kill him, that’s basically a marriage proposal in Hisoka weird fighting language. They’re insane and probably actually working together even now. Also very weird, Hisoka gets hard in good fights, even agains 10 years old and Illumi has the worst brother complex (Hunter x Hunter)

Hiei x Kurama. Should’ve been canon :( A fire demon and his fox, Hiei is such a fanboy, like he’s always complimenting and hyping him up and is always ready to defend him. And Kurama is the only one who can get away with teasing him. Immortal super strong demon couple.

Kuwabara x Yukina. Soo cute, I shipped it from the start. Kuwa is so protective, a real knight in shining armor, and Yukina is always there to welcome him back and heal him

Yusuke x Keiko. Such loyalty and steadfast support. Always there and ready to help each other, they’ll always come home to each other, no matter the obstacles (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Yami x Charlotte. Asta x Noelle. Gaja x Lolochepka. All very cute and adorable, I’mrooting for all of them. Finral x Vanessa. Best BROTP, I would’ve loved if they actually had romantic feelings for each other. Definitely better for Fin than some random noblewoman (Black Clover)

Gajeel x Levy. The best!! From enemy to friend to lover! He basically tortured her, then when he joined Fairy Tail, he looked out for her and tried to protect her. He became intrigued and they got closer and closer, during the time skip they were together. Same job, same house. Lily, Gaj’s partner knows that Levy always comes first, she’s the one he cares about the most, so his duty is to protect her.

Sting x Rogue. Yin and Yang, Light and Darkness dragon slayer. Always together, the strongest combo, Rogue always believes and relies on Sting to keep his darkness away.

Gray x Juvia. From enemy to one-sided attraction, to love. Juvia start as kinda of a crazy stalker obsessed with the person who defeated her and saved her, making her rain disappear. But she’s really devoted and caring towards Gray. And he starts to treasure her as a comrade and friend, but also wants to make her happy and feel loved.

Natsu x Lucy. Stranger to best friend to I love them together. They’re so comfortable with each other, they would and have gone incredibly far for each other.

Jellal x Erza. Friend to enemy to lover. Childhood friends turned enemy because of brainwashing. Later he tries to atone by distancing himself from her, but whenever they meet he’s always ready to protect her, and their attraction is undoubtable.

Zeref x Mavis. Very tragic and angsty cursed couple. They meet, spend time together, fall in love, he unintentionally kills her, becomes crazy, wants to destroy the world, she tries to stop him, he hurts and tortures her, he is defeated, they are reincarnated and can finally be peacefully together.

Elfman x Evergreen. Surprisingly cute ship, had no idea these two would work so good together, but they really really do (Fairy Tail)

Erwin x Levi. From enemy, I was contracted to kill you, to partners, tell me what to do and I’ll do everything for you. Erwin is the smartest and Levi is the strongest, together they’re invincible. Levi made a promise before Erwin died and he’ll keep it no matter what.

Ymir x Historia. Surprising and actually good, Ymir seemed cold but was actually trying to protect her, she reveals her secret to protect her once again, Historia is obsessed with getting her back. Too bad it didn’t work out (Attack on Titan)

Kanda x Allen. Always clashing and bickering, but fight together well. Kanda accidentally screws Al over because of denial and trying to forget about his ex-lover’s reincarnation Karma, but manages to have a nice final moment with them. He then swears to follow and defend Allen throughout his journey.

Lavi x Lenalee. Lavi cares a lot for a Bookman, who is supposed to be neutral and observe history without interfering. Always trying to protect her and lift her spirits (D.Gray Man)

Takemitchy x Hina. Mitchy determination and devotion to Hina and saving her is incredible. And she can motivate him with just a word and she’s always there to care for him when he most needs it.

Kokonoi x Inui. Kinda canon, kinda not, slightly unhealthy relationship. Childhood best friends, Koko had a crush on Inu’s sister and when their house burnt down tried to save her but mistakenly took him. Obsessed with money because he wanted to pay for her treatment, but didn’t make it in time. Now they live unsatisfied and with a bunch of unsaid things between them.

Baji x Chifuyu x Kazutora. Such complicated dynamic. Fuyu loves and idolises Baji. Baji is really close friends with Kazu. And Kazu killed Baji, but Fuyu still cares about him.

Kakucho x Izana. A king and his knight. Really codependent on each other. Tragic ending.

Hakkai x Mitsuya. Hakkai is such a fanboy and only has praises for Mitsuya. Living and working together in the present timeline.

Draken x Emma. Sweet and tragic *sob sob*. Emma had the hugest crush in Draken and is always trying to get his attention and take care of him. Draken may seem cold, but he loved her deep down and was ready to do everything necessary for her to be happy (Tokyo Revengers)

Yamamoto x Gokudera. Interesting dynamic, always at each other’s throats, and can’t actually work well together, but when things get serious they’ll fight for each other. Yama can be silly and joking, always thinking everything is a game and doing things instinctively, but if someone hurts anyone he cares about he becomes a deadly badass. Dera is instead very rational and methodical, but still very protective of his friends.

Mukuro x Hibari. Muku was the first one to ever defeat Hiba, he swore vengeance, and Muku takes every opportunity to rub it in his face. They don’t actually meet that often, but they know each other’s strength better than almost anyone and believe that in their strive for victory, the will not be defeated by anyone other than them.

Xanxus x Squalo. Loyalty, Squalo vowed to serve him as his right-hand man and to never cut his hair until he loses. Xan can be a dick and seem to not care, but if he’s hurt right in front of him, he’s ready for retribution.

Colonnello x Lal. Cute, she was his trainer, he had a crush on her, he followed her to the Fated Day and sacrificed himself for her, even if it didn’t work out. Even now they’re so adorable every time they meet. When the opportunity to lift the Arcobaleno curse presents itself, he wants to do it for her.

Ryohei x Hana. Very surprising, can works really well. Ryohei is a meath-head, only thinking of boxing and training and she thinks all men are monkey and she’s best friend with his little sister (Reborn)

Nagisa x Kayano. That kiss, Kayano totally has a crush on Nagi.

Karasuma x Irina. They’re so cute for such badass people. Irina having a crush on Kara is adorable and trying to woo him, but it not working because he’s oblivious. Them resolving their issues and Kara saving Irina in the Shinigami incident. For a government agent and an assassin they manage to settle down very comfortably (Assassination Classroom)

Alibaba x Morgana. To strangers to best friends to lovers, Morg really cares about her saviours and always tries to protect him and Aladdin. Ali finds her attractive, but he doesn’t do anything other than worry for her and be by her side, until the end of the world is imminent, then he proposes.

Judal x Hakuryuu. Juda always wanted to be Hakus’s magi, but Haku always refused. It’s not until he traveled the world and Sindrian and gained powers on his own and was defeated by Orga that he asked Juda for help. They work very well together and they’re very dedicated to each other, Juda was prepared to learn more grand scale magic that would exhausts him just to help him reach his goal and Haku is also very worried about his wellbeing and he’s better with him around. Haku is also the only one who knows Haku’s real name and visited his hometown (Magi)

Soul x Maka. Best meister and weapon pair. They manage to be able to work well together, they cover each other’s weakness. Soul is very protective and Maka is ready to accept every part of him.

Death the Kid x Black Star. God of Death junior obsesses with symmetry and loud assassin who swore to surpass even the gods. From rivals to friends to believing in each other more than anyone else and saving the other when they need it (Soul Eater)

Kamina x Yoko. I loved them *sob*. They had some real chemistry. Kamina is a chad and Yoko is the coolest (Gurren Lagan)

Tomoya x Nagisa. The most gorgeous tragedy *sob sob* (Clannad)

Isaac x Miria. My favourite immortal thieving couple. They’re so silly, I love them.

Claire x Chane. Jacuzzi x Nice. Firo x Ennis. Lad x Lua. They’re all amazing and interesting!! (Baccano)

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Kageyama x Hinata. Perfect combo, they’ve taught each other so much, how to play together, how to be a real team, how to be rivals and best friend and how to become even stronger. Going through very high ups and some downs, they manage to overcome everything, from studying to different opinions in how to play the game, to the most difficult opponents, to life.

Iwaizumi x Oikawa. Iwa was always there for Oi, to play with him, to support him, to help him through his insecurities, to help him win, to reach the same goal. From childhood friends to the future, they’ve always been together and even if they’ve chosen different paths, they’ll always have each other.

Kuroo x Tsukishima. Kuro was Tsukki’s mentor, the one who with Boku finally convinced him to try harder and become better, because only like that he cloud enjoy volleyball to the fullest. Both middle blockers, provocation master vs saltyshima, both quite smart and methodical in their approach to the game.

Bokuto x Akaashi. Ace and his setter. Aka is the only one who can control Boku, predict his mood swings and bring his very best playing.

Asahi x Nishinoya. Ace x libero, the strongest in the air x on land, shy and quiet and anxious giant x loud and extroverted and fearless shorty. Good pair, give each other energy, cover for each other. At the end of the series they travel together.

Daichi x Sugawara. Dad and mom of the group, captain and his vice, same age (Haikyuu)

Aomine x Kise. It starts it’s Kise, player who can learn any moves by just seeing it being bored and wanting a challenge, and Ao, a prodigy who loves basketball more than anyone else. Ao inspires Ki to try basket and even having started late, he manages to catch up to the strongest players very soon. Ki is always challenging Ao to improve, but even if he wants to win and surpass him, deep down he doesn’t want him to lose. Ao also really cares about Ki, he punches a guy who wanted to hurt Ki, even risking being disqualified from the tournament and wants Kagami to be serious and at his best when facing Ki. When they double team an opponent together they are unstoppable.

Midorima x Takao. Hilarious, Mido is always ordering and being carted around by Taka. Taka is always teasing him, but on the court they are an amazing pair. Mido blindly trusts Taka with everything he has and Taka is ready to support him in anything he may need.

Kagami x Kuroko. Perfect pair on the court, strongest light and shadow pair, thanks to Kuro’s passes Kaga can play more freely. They learn a lot from each other and are always overcoming the next obstacle together.

Yuga x Riko. Super cute, he really cares about her, to the point of actually eating her cooking after he saw how determined she was. She promised him to not cut her hair until they won and she gets jealous when he looks at other girls (Kuroko no Basket)

Hiruma x Mamori. Started from distrust of the manipulative jerk who coerced Sena, her childhood friend/little brother figure into the rugby club. Also joins as a manager to keep an eye on him, good at organising, the only one smart enough to keep up with Hiru’s intellect, good at memorising strategies and signals, becomes invested in his wellbeing, start to care about him, always there to support him and take care of him. In the end goes to college with him instead of Sena (Eyeshield 21)

Kojiro x Kaeoru. Divorced but still fucking parents energy. There is no way they aren’t gay for each other… “We still have heat other, don’t we, Kaoru?” <3 Always bickering, know each other better than anyone else, always insulting and fighting the other. From classmates who loved skateboarding to adults with jobs, that participate in underground skateboard race with a secret identity.

Langa x Reki. Soo cute, Reki being the best friend and hype man, getting Langa into skateboarding, them having fun just hanging out together. But they still have realistic progression, to Langa wanting to do more and seek out the next thrill, no matter where from to Reki feeling left behind and inferior, but still trying to protect and encourage him (SK8)

Victor x Yuuri. Mentor and student, the one who inspired Yuuri to skate and the one who will spark new inspiration in Vic, to better himself next year. They learnt so much from each other and are always ready to support and motivate one another.

Otabek x Yuri. Super chill friends, inspire and motivate one another, really comfortable together, always trying to spend time together, saving and helping each other (Yuri on Ice)

Daewhi x Mira. Soo cute and beautiful and angsty. From enemies to best friends to lovers to being separated for years to married. He starts by beating her, to being her teammate, to fighting together and protecting each other. But then they are both on the brink of death but brought back by different people for different purposes and are separated. She doesn’t remember him, he looks for her for 17 years and doesn’t want to hurt her even when she’s on the opposite side. Are separated yet again, but thankfully reunited, but they still have a war to fight.

Mori x Ilpyo. “You have no idea how safe you make me feel” kyaa <3 From friendly teenage martial artists rivals to gods. Mori is very straightforward and obsessed with fighting, Pyo is very cunning and strategic, but also really cares and want him to be better because of a promise he made to his grandpa. Even after being beaten Mori cares and acts friendly with Pyo, even protecting him and granting his wish. When Mori is stuck in the Sage Realm, Pyo goes looking for him and they then keep protecting each other and fighting together to get back home. Even after 17 years, when Mori reappears he trust Pyo unconditionally, no matter what anyone says to him.

Baek x Uma. Very surprising, she falls in love with him almost immediately, he saves her because his father told him to always take care of someone who has given you their heart. She dies but her soul remains attached to him and so she’s always with him. They try every mean possible to get her body back, but are separated. Even 17 years later he’s still waiting for her and trying to find a solution (The God of High Scool)

Baam x Khun. “I wish I had met Bam first” “Ah, I see he was loved”. Very naive and innocent Bam, trying to follow his everything Rachel, and cunning and ruthless Khun, who completely believed in his sister, only to end up betrayed. Their character growth is astounding, they keep growing as individuals but also part of a group. Like Bam confronting Rachel and threatening to kill her after she pun Khun in a coma or Khun deciding that he would do everything in his power to help Bam and to keep his light from being snuffed out.

Urek x Garam. He met her when he was broken-hearted and it was love at first sight, he tried every which way to impress her without results. He’s always trying to get her attention and flirt with her without any success. Probably deeper, we’ve seen Garam advising Endorsi about deciding if she’s cursing on Baaam because he has the power to become a slayer or because of who he is. That’s similar to her situation, she’s a disgraced princess of Jahad and Urek is an Irregular with the potential and enough power to slay king Jahad, but he’s not interested, he cares about going outside the Tower and they probably had a disagreement about it, since their wants are different, the only things left for him was avoid the floor of death and anonymously help her (Tower of God)

Eames x Arthur. “You mustn’t be afraid of dreaming a little bigger, darling” kyaa <3 Always bickering and teasing each other but working together flawlessly, they have each other’s back. Mostlyheadcanon about their past and how they met (Inception)

Sherlock x Moriarty. Unconventional detective and crime lord love story, “Catch me if you can, Mr. Holmes.” Kyaa <3 Will has a plan to reform England class system by making him, a noble, the number one public enemy and being defeated by the hero, Sherlock. They unexpectedly become friends and even while Will is hiding things, with Sherly he can just me comfortable and let go of all his responsibilities and plans and just be a normal intelligent person enjoying time with his equal. In their final confrontation Sherly decides to save him and they both fall, they spen two years together in America, healing and just living together (Moriarty the Patriot)

Izumo x Seri. Such a cool couple, second in command from different groups, always flirting, going undercover at parties and kicking ass is so badass. He’s the owner of a bar and lost both his best friends, she comes to his bar every so often and requests the strangest drinks, also afraid of losing her boss. Comfort and understanding, always exchanging information and helping each other even if they’re on opposite sides.

Mikoto x Totsuka. Totsu became Izu and Miko’s friend after insistently trying. He was the weakest, and very careless with his safety, so Miko and the rest of Homra are very protective, he’s the mood-maker and the only one who could talk back to him and calm his anger and aggressiveness, silence the beast howling for destruction inside of Miko, an effect of his power. After his death Homra is on a path of vengeance and Miko is slowly losing it and in the end he joins him very soon after.

Mikoto x Munakata. The red and blue king, fire vs ice. Polar opposite, raw unbridled violence vs cold indifferent calculations, both stubborn. They are often on opposing sides, but are good friends and equals, trust each other to keep them in check and do what needs to be done if they go out of control.

Saruhiko x Misaki. Childhood friends, Misa is an idiot but quite emotionally smart and a good person, Saru is very intelligent and quite detached from the world around him, they become friends and do reckless things, until one day they catch Homra’s eye and are saved by them, so they join. Due to the new environment, Saru’s jealousy and him being uncomfortable with Miko as his king, they separate ways with Saru being an asshole before leaving. After joining the Blues, Misa considers him a traitor and is they always fight, but eventually they solve their differences when Muna sends Saru on an undercover mission where he could die and Misa ends up saving him (K)

Shizuo x Izaya. Really violent ship, always at each other’s throats. A human with monstrous strength and a manipulative arrogant asshole, who loves all humans and hates monsters, but is still fascinated by them and trying to use them to bring chaos and make him god. They try to kill each other multiple times, usually with Iza swiftly escaping and Shizu chasing after him, sometimes Iza tries to frame or put Shizu in dangerous situations, others they just fight until someone is seriously injured.

Kasuka x Ruri. Kasu, Shizu’s brother, isn’t able to feel basically any emotions, so he chose acting as a career to try and express himself to the fullest. Ruri was a make-up artist for Kasu and later became an idol, she was secretly used for occult rituals and experimented on because of her supernatural healing ability. When she finds out her father, whose life was being threatened by her captors, was killed years ago, she goes on a rampage and escapes, she then becomes the serial killer Hollywood, leaving her victim’s unrecognisable. In an encounter with Kasu, she is saved by his words, him feeling like a monster because of his apathy and her because of how she is, they come to an understanding and are able to accept even those part of themselves.

Shinra x Celty. Very weird but surprisingly romantic. Eccentric doctor obsessed with his father’s experimente, has the strangest friends and a dullhan without her head, can’t speak unless she has her phone. They actually really care for each other and even I’d Shinra cam be pretty Creepy and controlling and possessive, Celty is amazing and tolerates every side of him and when given the chance to reclaim her head and go black helm, she decides to step wurg him (Durarara)

Lelouch x CC. LL is always teasing him, their interactions are so fascinating and entertaining. But still they have the utmost trust in each other and keep on rescuing and saving the other, even if they don’t admit it out loud, it’s because they care and not just because they can’t have them die for their plan to succeed. “If I destroy the world and remake it, it’ll be because of my accomplice, CC”. Kinda happy with Lelouch of the resurrection (Code Geass)

L x Light. Kinda unhealthy normally, but Light without his memory handcuffed to L <3 Deadly game of car and mouse, trying to always be a step ahead the other, getting close to each other to win and find secrets about each other, but really starting to care and become friends. Even Kira was sad after he killed L, he knew nothing could cure his boredom now. Without anyone in his way he started becoming overconfident and deleting his work to others, making him sloppy and allowing N and M to defeat him (Death Note)

Guren x Shinya. Super devoted and loyal to each other. Guren loved him enough to cause an apocalypse to try to bring him back to life. Shin is always teasing him and bickering with him, but he really cares for him, he’s constantly covering for him and cleaning up his messes, assisting and support him in combat and out and there is no one he believes in more.

Yuuichiro x Mikaela. They’re obsessed with each other. Mika is so self-sacrificing and ends up dying and becoming a vampire, Yuu swear vengeance and to become stronger, when they meet again, nothing else matters but them and the other’s safety. Mika would do anything for Yuu, even taking care of the other humans in their group and Yuu is so happy to have Mika back, when he dies again, he’s obsessed with getting him back, not matter if he’s become a demon.

Crowley x Ferid. Vampire partners. From Ferid killing everyone Crowl ever cared for 700 years ago to now where whatever Ferid says, goes, no matter what. They’re so chill and strong together, Ferid is actually stronger but Crowl instinctively protects him, he always goes along with his plans, no matter how crazy and how much even his subordinates try to dissuade him (Owari no Seraph)

Lawless x Licht. Their names are Jekyll and Hyde. Lawless is a broken servamp, interested in theatre, always quoting Shakespeare, who’s lived too long and passes time by choosing rich eves and killing them when he gets bored of them. Licht is an internationally famous piano prodigy who can move people to tears with his music, he thinks he’s an angel and really cares about animals but not humans. They’re always bickering, but Hyde is also very protective of Licht, initially in a nobody can play with you but me kind of way, but then in a caring way. And Licht call Hyde a demon and is always kicking him, except when he’s in his hedgehog form, but he helps him overcome his past and he’s geniully distraught when he’s hurt.

Kuro x Mahiru. Really good! Mahiru helps Kuro through all his problems, motivates him to fight once again and helps him regain his true form and mend his relationship with his sibling (Servamp)

Yogi x Gareki. So cute!! From Yogi being super protective of Gareki to him actually caring, winning him a bracelet and wanting him to not worry. Them helping each other and constantly saving each other when they need it.

Hirato x Akari. From arrogant teacher and mischievous student, to SSS asset and researcher, always absorbed in his work and manipulative captain of squad 1 of Circus. Hira is so protective, he’s ready to body anyone who so much as puts an hand on him, at the same time, he’s always teasing him and wanting to spend time with him, trying to get him drunk or in the weirdest situation (Karneval)

Yuri x Wolfram. One of my earliest yaoi ships. The only couple where I’m happy when they slap each other XD Simply wonderful (Kyo Kara Maoh)

He Tian x Mo Guan. I had no idea I would get so attached to Redhead and here I am, I ship them so hard. Rich manipulative asshole x poor aggressive hard-working thug. After they’re all on the same side, you can really see Tian getting interested in Red and trying to get his attention by whatever mean, always teasing or play fighting him. Also he becomes super protective, every time White goes after Red, Tian is ready to throw hands and murder a bitch. Also throwing money at him just to spend time with him and do things for him, giving him an earring to replace the old one he was forced to have <3 Them just taking care of each other every time, both physically and mentally.

Zhan Zhen x Jain Yi. So cute and funny and wholesome <3 Childhood friends, Jain developing a crush, Zhan being protective and caring form him, not wanting him to disappear or get hurt, Jain making moves because he just loves him too much, Zhan accepting him and always making sure he’s safe and happy (19 Days)

Kirishima x Yokozawa. Really cute. Yoko is trying to get over his unrequited crush, and after he got drunk he finds himself in Kiri’s bed, he then tricks him into going out with him and sling the way they fall deeply in love! Very wholesome, especially Yoko trying to parent Kiri’s kid.

Takano x Onodera. Soo good! First love to estranged to lovers!! Where they end up working together and Taka is trying to rekindle their romance, this time better and more mature. And Ono is trying to resist but deep down he still loves him and is slowly wing won over.

Yukina x Kisa. Older baby-faced man has a crush on younger extremely popular man. Fascinating dynamic, trying to overcome insecurities, exes and various other difficulties (Sekaiichi Hatsukoi)

Uenoyama x Mafuyu. Super wholesome and emotional, getting past traumas and playing music together.

Akihiko x Haruki. Good chemistry, Haru has a crush with Aki, but doesn’t really act on it, Aki knows and when drunk tries to do it, after sobering up he realises that he doesn’t deserve Haru, but still wants him and wants to be a batter person worthy of him <3

Akihiko x Ugetsu. Yuki x Mafuyu. I loved these as well *sob sob*. Why can’t we have everything? Very slightly unhealthy relationships, but still very beautiful (Given)

Yuki x Momo. From fan to member of his group. He was always there to support him, first as an enthusiastic fan and then as a friend during his darkest moment. Became his equal but still kept trying to help him by trying to look for new opportunities by any means possible (Idolish 7)

Asami x Akihito. Very hot crime boss and hotly cute photographer trying to take pictures that show him guilty. Very kinky, from punishment to care to real love (Finder)

Charles x Rayflo. Vampire slayer vampire x the one who made him one. Seems like they don get along, Cherry’s always insulting Ray, fighting and aggressively feeding from him, but he deeply cares about him, he’s always so gentle and caring afterwards, also he’s super protective, whoever touches Ray better watch out, because he will find you and discover a way to kill you no matter what or how immortal you’re supposed to be. Would do anything to save him and spend more time together with him (Vassalord)

Shiki x Akira. Super hot. Shiki is super controlling and dominating and with him Akira is so submissive (Togainu no Chi)

Noiz x Aoba. My fave <3 Aoba has an ability which allows him to mix his consciousness with other people's through his voice and use it to control them, though he can also destroy them and leave the victims in a comatose-like state. He’s a caring, honest, and open-minded personality, but has a short temper. When he’s distressed, his other personality awakens that desires chaos and destruction, and can be very sadistic and masochistic. Noiz doesn’t feel anything, no touches, pain or temperature changes, causing him to sometimes hurt other, his wealthy parents thought him a disgrace and imprisoned him so he ran away from home. Now he lives indifferently to the world around him, often acting reckless due to his inability to feel pain and turning to a virtual game where he can feel and illusion of sensations. He’s an information broker and a skilled hacker.

Koujaku x Aoba. Childhood friend, compassionate and strong-willed, a bit of a womanizer. Illegitimate son of a yakuza leader, him and his mother to escaped. After getting a special tattoo, he mindlessly killed his family. Despite his dark past and impulses, he retains a positive and gentle personality.

Mink x Aoba. Mink is from a tribe that grew special herbs to give a person them a sense of peace. Because the plant's effect was mistaken as mind manipulation, his tribe was slaughtered and Mink was captured to be experimented on. After he Mink broke out, began plotting his revenge, as a result, Mink hardened and distanced himself from personal attachments. He has a stoic, ruthless, controlling personality, constantly using violence as a means to reach his goal. Despite his rough exterior, he does have integrity and a gentle side he rarely shows.

Clear x Aoba. Clear is an android who loves singing. Always cheerful, polite and kind, he can be childish and eccentric, his antics often cause others be annoyed with him (Dramatical Murder)

Ivan x Giancarlo. My fave <3 Gian is a lucky motherfucker, expert in jailbreak, this time it’s been decided that if he can break out with the other executives, he’ll become the boss of the mafia. Ivan is a foreign executive, always try-hard, wanting to be acknowledged and respected, maybe a little excessive at times.

Giulio x Giancarlo. Really crazy and bloodthirsty fucker x lucky one

Luchino x Giancarlo. Suave heart-breaker with issued and a past and a very interesting personality.

Bernardo x Giancarlo. Childhood friend with trauma and fear of being buried alive (Lucky Dog)

[sophiapathic]

Sk8: The Infinity - A Take on Love

Because my six unfinished assignments can wait until I throw this into the void, scream for five hours and after my voice gets hoarse, I resort to watching the beach episode on loop until next Saturday.

This was entirely sparked by the recap episode, which really pressed the reak havoc and theorize button in my brain. I am truly losing my grip on reality. Help. I apologize in advance, creatures of Tumblr. 

Me right now:

Anyways... 

I saw people mention here and there screaming that “we need canon relationships and they will get trust issues if a romance isn’t confirmed by the end of the series”. I think that mindset is harmful to have in this case. You can’t really avoid being disappointed if you get into the series expecting it to deliver on your wishes of gay romances. So, this might be controversial, but stay with me please. The anime and manga are both confirmed to be based primarily about the characters themselves and of course the sport -skating. I was hoping to take a closer look at what the series intends to do with certain dynamics and relationships according to yours truly. I also want explain my reasoning behind it not being queerbaiting, though it being inherently queer-coded, through the current lense of the canon.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story.

We need to state the genres this series is in, because some of us tend to forget. It is in fact not a shounen-ai, not a yaoi, not a romance, not even a josei. Say it with me it is a series in: COMEDY and SPORTS.

(Source is the official US Sk8 website.) The spotlight is udoubtedly on skating and what it means. Another important highlight of the show is how the definition of the sport relates to the characters, and how vastly different they are from what we expect. For example, when we see Shadow first, we pigeonhole him into this vulgar indecent rock and roll persona, only to find out later that he is actually a stweetheart at a flower shop. Joe is another very good case study. When we first see him we think of him as a womanizer muscle-head, later we find out he has a heart of gold and is very emotionally intelligent. We’re also quick to judge Miya as the cold, unfeeling prodigy then we discover how lonely and normal he is on the inside. And so on and so on. 

The show continues to defy our expectations of what each character should be like. In a way it is about breaking the conventional stereotypical roles we subconsciously assign to certain looks. We see that even in anime, multifaceted characters can exist without distrupting or damaging the delicate dynamics of a traditional sports anime. We successfully established the second focal point of the series as disproving stereotypes and presenting strong, diverse and unexpected personalities.

How about the defition of skating? What does it mean in the context of Sk8: The Infinity then? Where does a love story come into the picture? Skating is repeatedly described as a ritual of love within the anime, an idea that our villian, Ad*m, is obessed with. In a sense skating is a language of love canonically.

Then skating itself is love. Throughout the series we see varied styles of skating therefore different ways of expressing love, affection. We get to experience several metaphorical ways of “being in love” through characters skating with each other. Each dynamic shows us a type of love. Healthy, disfunctional, outright abusive. 

The way Reiki teaches Langa to skate can be interpreted as a direct metaphor for someone learning to love again after losing a person close to them. Langa’s father has died and Reiki literally brings him out of his shell again. It can also be interpreted as a queer kid’s experience of a world of romance that feels similar to his previous one, that being snowboarding, yet it still being new and different. Skateboarding. When due to Reiki Langa’s potential is discovered and his hunger for more and more develops, especially next to Ad*m, Reiki’s main frustration stems from them not being well-matched or on equal footing anymore. He feels like he cannot give Langa what he needs anymore. Which would obviously go againts the literal description of a healthy romance. Two people with mutual respect who both bring equal assets to the table. He feels like he needs to catch-up to be with Langa again. The only thing he doesn’t consider is Langa’s deep appreciation of him and the fact that literally he was the one who helped Langa experince the feeling of love again.

Kojiro and Kaoru’s relationships, to me, is very much representative of two people  wanting to be in each other’s presence, but due to their different language of love, miscommunicating horribly. Them bantering and insulting each other is the only way they know what to do with the other. The only way they can ensure the other’s attention and eyes are on them. This has worked so far. They are literal opposites, but both have a very clear definition of their form of love. To Joe skating, or love itself, is about the feeling and going with the flow. Being spontaneous. Whereas for Cherry, every move needs to be calculated and executed perfectly in order to be “efficient”. Their frustration comes from both wanting different things from the other, but not communicating their need properly. Despite this, they stick together due to a magnetic pull they obviously feel towards the other. The attraction is there, the trust is there, they are even well-matched in skill as we see them neck-to-neck constantly. They could give each other what the other wants. Only if they could express themselves well... This is why Joe pushes Reiki towards reconciling with Langa. he wants them to not fall into the same trap of not stating their  needs and thoughts properly.

Now Ad*m and Langa are obviously problematic and I don’t really want to have to explain, honestly guys. I really don’t  (since I have trauma regarding this subject), but I need to go into this a little bit. This is a textbook toxic predatory relationship. Where the older, twisted, damaged person, has an obsession with a young, outstading child. He wants to lead him into “Paradise” and show his “Eve” what love is really about. (Ain’t that disgusting you guys...) His form of love is inflicting pain, so I really can’t imagine a scenario where he and his “Eve” live happily ever after and everything is fine and dandy. He needs someone who he can torture. He literally is looking for someone who can handle his way of expressing affection, his “love hug”, who has the same type of crazy eyes for adrenaline and danger. His Eve. In his distorted mind, this all makes sense and Langa is that someone he was looking for thoughout the years. The problem is, he disregards Langa’s side where the relationship becomes problematic.

Cherry and Ad*m during their younger years seems to be a very innocent infatuation on Kaoru’s end. It is a one-sided relationship where someone is in love with the idea of a person long gone. They were discovering the world of skating, or the world of love together with Ad*m taking the lead. Cherry immediately became infatuated with him, wanted to learn his love language, wanted to be at the same level he was. It probably started very innocent. At first, Ad*m being gentle, because that’s how Tadashi was with him too, then after whatever happened between those two, Ad*m, disappointed in the way of love, or skating, Tadashi showed him, returned to what his aunts taught him. Maybe after injuring Kaoru with the “love hug”, therefore eliminating him from being his potential partner, started looking for his “Eve”, gradually became more agressive in love as in skating. Kaoru was distraught and wanted the Ad*m he originally learned love from back. Holding out some hope even years after. Trained to get used to his “love hug”, to literally condition himself to be able to get close to him. Ad*m, however showed Cherry brutally that he truly cannot handle his way of love.

Ad*m and Tadashi. *sighs* As of this post, I don’t really have enough information to give you a good overview of what I see this relationship representing. As far as I can tell Ad*m was abused horribly and to ease the pain and make him forget, Tadashi showed his another way of expressing affection. Skating or love. Basically a first love gone horrible bad, scarring an already abused child and turning them into a monster. Tadashi himself reinstates this during one of the episodes. It was his fault that Ad*m turned out the way he did. Their love slowly became strongly abusive throughout the years. Tadashi is stuck in it because he feels like he deserves it. This is a metaphor for  dangers of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, where one person feels responsible and the other is using power. Tadashi’s guilt keeps him next to his master and he even endures abuse, now he is trying to break out and show Ad*m he messed up and I think this could potentially be a good representation of how difficult that process truly is. 

As far as Reiki’s, Miya’s, Shadow’s skating goes. Their main arc relating to love is first and foremost learning to accept themselves and aprecciating their uniqe way and style of skating. Only after can they become people who can truly be accomplished in love/skating (in Miya’s case I’m obviously talking about platonic feelings). Each of them had a preconception of their persona in love/skating, which gets questioned heavily throughout the series. Miya gets defeated, Shadow’s soft side gets discovered, Reiki... well. I get sad. :c Even though he taught someone to love again, to appreciate life again, he ended up discovering how dissatisfied he truly is with himself... These three all need to learn to love every aspect of themselves to reach fulfillment and to really experience healthy human relationships.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story, without explicitly being a romance, meaning that it is a tale about love, both romantic, platonic and everything inbetween through a queer-coded lens, showing both dysfunctional, abusive and healthy relationships, ways to express emotions and even delves into self-love and the idea of nature versus nurture in the villian’s case.

That is why I, personally don’t scream for a canon couple. To me, the show gets its main point about affection and love across, without making any of these relationships explicitly stated. Not to mention that it does justice to both of its assigned genres. Comedy and Sports as well. Yeah sure, I wouldn’t complain, but I think these dynamics are more than satisfying to watch, and much deeper than bishounens wanting to bang each other, which is, in my opinion, inherently sexualized. If they want, yeah they can confirm, make it canon without forcing it to be a center storyline. Hell, I would even be happy about it. I would clap with all of us. BUT, as the series currently is, I really see it taking the other route because of the above. This way audiences who want a yaoi or ikemen going at it, won’t be disappointed with the series when they find doesn’t revolve around that, straight viewers will just find it flamboyant, and people who look for subtext and want to read between the lines will certainly do that with the amount of crumbs and hints the writers gave us. 

We don’t need outright, written in black and white gay representation in Sk8 to experience very real types of love. The queer theme is secondary to me, just like queerness is, in most people’s lives. Yeah sure, it is a big thing, but not the only attribute a person has. My life doesn’t revolve around my queerness. I rarely talk about it. If I was a main character this would be a side-arc. Just like Sk8 doesn’t revolve around the characters coming out. It’s just them living their lives and possibly being queer while doing so. If you look at it this way, it is almost normalizing attraction between same-sex people by just showing it as regular love. If you can, why not interpret it this way, so it can be a liberating experience instead of a disappointing one.

Please don’t attack me! I am fragile and this is only my opinion. c:  *crawls back into her hole*

[terubakudan]

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi - Book Review and Impressions

(light reflection) Perfect :D Hoping Tumblr doesn't flag me for this xD

Ok, I'm going to start this off with 'this is probably the first and only book review I'm going to do' xD Because I rarely do read books now, and just as rarely buy them. Also, I would have preferred to buy the English version but alas they only had the Chinese version in stock ^^"

Stumbling upon this on the Internet, I was immediately compelled to buy this, as if I knew I would love it and that Nagata's story would resonate with me.

【Short Version】 I can't recommend this book enough, it doesn't matter what sexuality you are or from what culture are you. Nagata makes sure to tell an honest and 'naked' (without embellishments) portrait of her own personal experiences. How she herself is a college drop-out (having only graduated from high school), pushed herself to live/work while struggling with depression and eating disorders, not being sure of what she wants and feeling that she doesn't 'deserve' things, realizing her own sexuality in that she likes girls, and just not feeling 'good enough'...all through her cutesy and unassuming art style.

I will say again though, cutesy art style aside, the book deals with some very heavy topics. Nagata is very honest and doesn't shy away from the gritty details, and I admire her all the more for doing so. Many yaoi and yuri comics often portray an unrealistic and fetishistic view of the LGBTQ+ community whereas Nagata's story is much more grounded and sincere. This is not an easy read, but it's not an overly depressive one either. Nagata literally struggled for years with her mental health, but ultimately found light on the other side. Not mainly through the help of others, but through her own choice to forgive and love herself.

5/5⭐ Definitely recommend and would read again. And if I could, I'd give Nagata a big hug and a heartfelt 'thank you' for sharing her story.

【Long Version】 While it's written primarily from an Asian (particularly Japanese) perspective, Nagata's experiences are ones that should resonate with anyone who has been through the same or similar things, regardless of one's personal background. And I myself, while being fortunate enough to not have gone through eating disorders or self harm, am no exception.

I grew up in an Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese Filipino) household, while my parents weren't Tiger Parents (no offense but fuck Amy Chua for thinking that's a proper way of raising your children), they still had certain expectations on their children: to find a good husband/wife, have a good education, have a 'stable' career, etc. And while I love my parents very much, I'd be lying if I said there weren't any times where I felt they were smothering me, there weren't any times where they kept on nagging and bugging me for very trivial details. My biggest pet peeve: guilt-tripping me just for wanting to spend time alone.

"For me, my parents' opinion of me is absolute." (NOTE: While I won't be providing exact translations of the excerpts I used here, I'll do my best to summarize the gist of them.)

At the same time, I cared very much about their opinion of me. I made it a point to do well in school, to do things according to their wishes, and just like Nagata, I didn't know what I wanted. This even extended to caring about others' opinion of me, more than my own. In my freshman year of college, I 'went along' with being friends with someone, who while was nice to me, turned out to be a manipulative bitch skilled in passive-aggressiveness xD Being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, it was hard to fit in since people always treated me differently, it didn't occur to me I could be choosy with friends, I thought as long as they were 'nice' to me, that would do.

Asian culture is largely a collective one, where we define ourselves by our relationships with others, compared with Western culture (primarily America, I'll be using America as a reference point) where individualism is absolute, where you define yourself as you like. In Asia, it's also normal for children to still live in the same house as their parents well into adulthood, compared with Americans who are expected to move out the house once they finish high school or start college, and they're quite literally 'on their own', having to pay their own tuition, rent, etc. Where I live (Taiwan), it's normal for adults to continue relying on their parents financially well until college. Nagata for instance, while saying her parents really make her feel so pressured, is grateful that she still had a home to stay in (and she's 28!).

If you ask me though, neither a collectivist culture or an individualist culture is absolutely good nor bad. Each have their own pros and cons, and both Asian culture and Western culture could learn a thing or two from each other.

After going through quite a few job applications, one of the interviewers tells her "Ganbatte!" (You can do it!) after Nagata tells her what she really wants is to be a manga artist.

And sometimes that's all we need really, a small gesture or kind remark can do wonders. Even if there's no base or reason for it, it's something worth believing in.

I often have doubts if I'm doing what I really want, if I chose the right major for college, if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm 'good enough'. I didn't grow up with much self-esteem as a kid, and often derived my value from others. But even at my lowest times, a 'you're doing ok' was very reassuring to me, be it from family, strangers, or people I care about. Sometimes that's exactly what we need, it may be small but it could be the difference between continuing to wallow in depression or re-evaluating and choosing to be better to oneself.

I find it's really important to know, that however alone you may feel sometimes, there are other people out there going through the exact same thing. It's something universal, and while a lot of things are really unfair in life, each person has their own lot or burden to deal with. I have a Taiwanese friend who, while being more financially well-off than me, has terrible parents. And I mean parents who are quite so literally toxic, unsupportive of her, and would outright say the worst things to their own daughter.

How depression and anxiety can feel sometimes, we can literally feel like it's impossible to breathe and be in a state of disconnection from the world.

"The sounds that invaded my ears occupied my empty brain, making me unable to think at all."

If you only did what your parents asked you to do, wouldn't days like those be very painful? In the end, only you can understand what you really want.

Nagata's art style is one I would describe as simple, cute, and effective. I personally think had her story been drawn in a more serious style, it would have been even harder to read, much less finish. It's also a choice that has artistic appeal to me, serious subject matter juxtaposed with a 'kawaii' art style.

Nagata also depicts very well her mental state and thoughts throughout her struggle and journey to self-actualization. Depression is a really tough thing to deal with, and sometimes we don't even realize that we have it or if we do, refuse to acknowledge it. In Asian cultures especially, mental health has always been something of a taboo subject and there is a very heavy social stigma associated with it. Nagata herself even said that her parents seemingly refused to acknowledge that their daughter's mental health was in a state of distress. In Japan, there is a concept called gaman (我慢), which is described as 'enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity', and while it is portrayed as an ideal virtue that inspires perseverance, it can be a source of heavy pressure for others. Gaman also means that you are expected to suppress whatever emotion or negative feelings you have, often for the sake of others and no matter how tough the situation becomes for you. And while I agree that through gaman you can become more selfless for others, it shouldn't have to come at the expense of your own well-being.

I was quite fortunate to have grown up in a more liberal Asian household, but even when it came to mental health, our family also adopted the same kind of attitude towards it, by carrying on as if nothing was wrong, or just not talking about it. And to be honest, there were numerous times I wished we had been more open about what was bothering ourselves at that time. Talking and being open about your feelings is not a 'weakness' but something incredibly brave to do, and it's my wish for that to slowly become more acceptable in Asian cultures, which I know is kind of a stretch, but it doesn't hurt to hope.

Nagata makes the decision to clean herself up, by taking a bath everyday, habitually exercising, and no longer wearing worn-out clothes.

Depression especially can be a bitch. It deprives you even of your physiological needs, like your need for food. Nagata had to struggle with that on top of eating disorders for a long ten years. She ate so little and even felt that she didn't 'deserve' to eat, and at one point, anorexia became hyperphagia, and she would feel so guilty for eating almost expired/expired food. Things that would otherwise be simple to do also end up becoming difficult/impossible to do, like taking care of your personal hygiene, getting up from bed, doing simple tasks etc.

Thankfully, after Nagata realizes that she never truly 'valued herself', she starts to turn over a new leaf. Even just starting with cleaning herself up, she takes this as a form of 'valuing oneself' and her mood starts to improve, which her family also points out. In the end, taking care of yourself is not a selfish thing to do, it can even make you a better person who is there for others.

Nagata meets up with the female escort she hired, as a means to experience human sexuality, which she had always repressed her curiosity for and treated as a taboo subject. (NOTE: And I'm glad that she met a really nice girl for her first time too!)

Sex and sexuality is also a subject that I feel is hard to talk about sometimes, which I think also owes itself to most Asian cultures being relatively conservative about it. I myself have only recently identified as bisexual, which I attribute to internalized homophobia, not wanting to admit I was into girls too. And to be honest, 'coming out' is something I'm still uncomfortable about, because I don't want to risk my relationship with my family and it's still something I would choose to be selective about with colleagues and friends. I'm grateful though that as crazy the Internet can be sometimes, it can be quite accepting and tolerant towards things that we wouldn't otherwise discuss with even the closest people in our circle. Nagata's memoir ended up capturing the hearts of many readers ever since she first published it on Pixiv.

Exploring your sexuality doesn't have to be scary, it should be something exciting and liberating. Nagata decided to take matters into her own hands, and while the days leading up to the encounter made her really nervous and she even considered not going through with it at all, she willed herself to continue, because she wanted to do this for herself, it would be pointless if she gave up after coming so far in her decision to value herself.

And it's these series of actions that she decided to do that ultimately led to her life turning out for the better, it gave her the courage to do what she always wanted: to be a manga artist, which lead to the publishing of this autobiographical memoir, something she wanted to create that would 'make people want to buy this book' and from her own preference for reading stories that 'speak of secrets people wouldn't want to tell others'.

Nagata mentions what she calls 'honey': something that varies from person to person. It could be your reason for living, that thing that drives/pushes you, or even your sense of belonging. It may not be something permanent, but you can always find yourself a new one. (she mentions the last time she had her 'honey' was during her high school days, and while she has grown apart from the friends she made, she has found her new 'honey' in the form of being a full-time manga artist.)

Nagata stumbles and trips a lot on her way to being a better version of herself, but who doesn't? She admits to things not necessarily being smooth, but at least she's doing better than before. And it's that decision to at least try that counts. We don't have to be perfect, we're all human after all.

TL;DR My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness is a honest, down-to-earth, and ultimately hopeful memoir about the struggles of mental health and learning about one's sexuality. It's an amazing book, and very much worth the buy.

A big thank you if you read through all of this too. I know it's a mess and writing isn't exactly my strong point, but hopefully I've convinced some people out there to give this book a read! Please feel free to share your thoughts and I'd appreciate it very much too if you reblog/like this post.

[pak-pak-suhgar]

Lost One

Pairing: Johnny x Jaehyun

genre: angst, happy ending at the end.

Summary: In which where Jaehyun caught Johnny and Taeyong on their bed. With Johnny on top of Taeyong— topless. How did the two older guys got into that position? Jaehyun doesn't know and Johnny doesn't either, leaving the younger in a broken heart state.

A/N: My first yaoi fanfic on this blog and my first johnjae fanfic as well. This was written on phone so sorry for the mistakes. English isn't my first language either so I apologize for the grammatical error! Happy reading~

Johnny and Jaehyun has been dating for almost 4 years. Yes, you heard it right. They've been together for whole fucking years. So, why is it one of those times now where Jaehyun has to see an unpleasant scene before him? He stood at their door, frozen in his spot. Both guys haven't realized his presence not until he accidentally chokes out a sob. Johnny looked back, ready to glare whoever it was that interrupted them only to have his eyes widen. He immediately got off of Taeyong while the other older guy sat up. Panic was plastered over their face as Johnny quickly dresses himself and sprinted his way towards to Jaehyun. Ready to explain whatever bullshit he could come up with.

Jaehyun remained on his spot, unmoving but his eyes were avoiding the taller one's who was now grabbing both of his arms. Jaehyun was emotionally drained- exhausted, numb. His feelings was all over the place that he doesn't know what to feel, "Jaehyun.. I can explain... It's not what it looks like-" Slap! Jaehyun could feel the excruciatin pain on his palm the moment it landed on Johnny's cheek, "But it is what it looks like." he replied spitefully, as much as he wanted to sound emotionless and harsh. He was too hurt to even try to sound like one. Jaehyun doesn't want to hear Johnny's explanations, so he swatted the elder's hands and made his way towards their shared closet. He grabs his bag and began to put all of his stuff or whatever he could grab from the closet.

This put Johnny on alert as he stood behind Jaehyun and held his wrist in attempt to stop him, "Baby, what are you doing- where are you going?" he bombards the younger with questions. Jaehyun doesn't bother to reply as he only prys Johnny's hands away, when he settled most of his stuff. His eyes were bloodshot red, he looks at Johnny then at Taeyong who couldn't look straight in his eyes. He wanted to shout at both men and tell them off. But he decides that they aren't worth it, so instead pushes Johnny out of the way and left their room, "Jaehyun- baby, wait!" Johnny calls out but Jaehyun never turned back.

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A few weeks had passed since Johnny has last seen Jaehyun, he couldn't contact him either and he was worried sick. Jaehyun wasn't in the dorms, that was alarming. Johnny had tried to contact Jaehyun's closest friends, but none of them spoke about the younger's whereabouts. Or at least they wouldn't out Jaehyun just like that considering of what he did to Jaehyun. Johnny runs his hands through his hair in frustration and punched the wall, Taeyong who had witnessed the scene came up to Johnny and held hos hand, Johnny pushes him away and glared at him, "Don't fucking touch me! I-It's all your fault! Jaehyun is nowhere to be found and our relationship is at stake!" Taeyong could only scoff before glaring back at the taller male.

"If you could have had kept your dick in your pants and didn't allowed yourself to get seduced by me, you wouldn't be in this situation, Johnny. You put yourself into this situation." Taeyong says, before he leaves Johnny alone. He remained speechless and unmoving in his spot, what Taeyong said was true. Johnny wasn't able to wait for Jaehyun that he just let his emotions eat him up and control him to give in to his desires. Jaehyun had been fairly busy with his drama film that Johnny barely saw Jaehyun- let alone have sex with him. Whenever Jaehyun comes home, he was dead tired and would knock out the moment he sleeps in their bed. Johnny blames himself from everything that happened. He was afraid, he was scared- scared to death that Jaehyun will leave him for good. He sat on the floor and hugged his knees as he could do nothing but cry his heart out hoping that the pain will fade somehow.

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"Sicheng, I really can't bother you and Kun hyung anymore.. I'm sorry for crashing in but thank you for letting me stay." Jaehyun says, looking so apologetically at Sicheng. The male could only snort and waved his hand in dismiss, "Jae, you're always welcome here. Are you sure you can go back? Are you ready to face him?" Sicheng asks, concern written all over his face as he looks out for his friend. It took Jaehyun a few moments before nodding his head, "Yeah... I have to go home. I can't run away from it forever." he replies, he could feel the tears pricking his eyes but he blinks them away. He had been crying for weeks and his eyes honestly hurt a lot. Sicheng nodded his head in understanding, sighing at his friends' demise before giving Jaehyun a pat on the back, "Fine, but if you wanna come back. You're welcome to." He reassures with a smile, to which the younger returns happily. They hug one last time before Jaehyun went back to the dorm.

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A loud banging woke Johnny up from his sleep, he groans at the noise and flutters his eyes open, "Come in." he says in a groggy voice before sitting up, Haechan slammed the door open as he ran towards Johnny, "Hyung. Jaehyun hyung came back home last night" with the information that Haechan spit out, Johnny became wide awake as he looked at Haechan, "J-Jaehyun? Where is he? I need to go see him." he says, almost wanting to fly towards wherever Jaehyun is, "In his old room! At the 10th floor!" Haechan shouted before Johnny disappeared into sight.

He wasted no time going upstairs and instantly inputting the passcode to the dorm, thankfully no one was inside so he invited himself in. He didn't think twice to barge into Jaehyun's room, his eyes searching for the man everywhere and when it landed on the figure. He felt like he could breathe again, like suddenly the air that was knocked out from him came back. His gaze softens as he looks at the man who was peacefully asleep. But his heart breaks when he realizes that Jaehyun may probably break their relationship off. It explains why he went here instead of going back to their bedroom. Of course Jaehyun wouldn't want to be reminded of what happened in that room.

They made so many good memories but also made the most hurtful one. Johnny was about to caress Jaehyun's face when the younger suddenly woke up from his sleep, he suddenly sat up and moved away drom Johnny, making Johnny's heart break into pieces, "What are you doing here?" Jaehyun was the first to break the silence, sucking in a deep breath as he looks everywhere but Johnny, "I... I know it's too late but I wanted to apologize." Johnny said, pausing for a moment and waits for Jaehyun to respond. When the younger didn't, he assumed that he gave him the chance to explain now so Johnny began doing so.

"I.. I let my emotions get to me. You were just so busy that we barely had time together.. When was the last we had sex? Whenever I took the initiative, you'd brush me off. And whenever you're back in our room, you knock out. I know you have drama filming but you didn't give us some time together-" Johnny was cut off by the loud scoff that Jaehyun made, the younger finally looks at him. And he felt his heart break as he sees the tears in Jaehyun's eyes. "And that gives you the excuse to fuck Taeyong? He seduced you and you give in? Have you even thought of me when you let your 'so called emotions' eat you up?" he asks, Johnny couldn't speak and this made only Jaehyun snort. He was right, it's no excuse for him. It's the end, Johnny thinks.

Jaehyun took a deep breath before finally speaking, "Look.. I know, we haven't spent much time these days.. I was planning to take you out on a trip because we finally finished our last filming. As soon as we finished, I came back as early as I could, John. That day... I planned everything out. But you- you and Taeyong hyung..." Jaehyun couldn't continue to speak as he chokes out a sob. He harshly wipes the tears away before covering his face with his hands, Johnny couldn't take the scene anymore and ended up pulling the younger in his arms. Hugging him flush to his chest as he sniffs in Jaehyun's scent. God knows how much he missed holding the younger in his arms like this, Jaehyun didn't bother pulling away.

When he felt the younger calm down, Jaehyun pulls away and wipes his tears. Johnny dreaded this moment, the silence was triggering his anxiety when Jaehyun kept his mouth shut. He was anxiously waiting for the younger to speak and when he did, he cut Jaehyun off. "Johnny, I think we should-" "No!" Johnny imemdiately declines, startling the younger male. "No... please... don't.. I... I don't-" "You don't wanna make up?" Jaehyun asks, tilting his head innocently. This caught Johnny off. He wasn't breaking up? "You won't... break up with me?" Johnny asks, hope fills his eyes, Jaehyun blinks at him in confusion before slowly nodding his head. "I won't... you hurt me, John. But when we first dated.. I told you no relationships are perfect.. and so is ours.. However, I can't really forget about this. But, no matter how painful it is.. My love is still stronger. I just needed a break and to gather my thoughts.. Breaking up with you crossed my mind and I debated over that for a few weeks that I was gone." Jaehyun says, biting his inner cheek as he confesses his feelings out. "But, I realized that my heart will always long for you, it will always love you. Because you are my soulmate, Youngho. I could never leave you."

And maybe, even if things do get toxic. Jaehyun will be too much of a martyr person to ever leave Johnny. So, they eventually make up and try to patch their relationship again.

Johnny kisses Jaehyun's forehead as he held the younger in his arms, "Thank you, Yoonoh.." Jaehyun tilts his head and glances up at Johnny, "For what?" "For not becoming my lost one."

[crossdressingdeath]

You know, as someone who is gay and has... more experience in abusive relationships than I ever wanted... hearing people talk about how unhealthy WangXian is upsetting. I know I can’t speak for everyone, but in my opinion WangXian is something more queer people need to see. And people calling it abusive when it isn’t is actually counterproductive when you think about it.

Like, I’ve had to play the guessing game of “Do my friends and family have a legit reason to be concerned, or are they secretly homophobic?”. Not a very fun game. You already have people online saying that gay relationships are sinful/toxic just by existing. Just seeing people misinterpret canonically gay couples as toxic/unhealthy just because the relationships isn’t perfect is going to make people not take actual claims on legitimate toxic/unhealthy fictional couples seriously.

I’ve seen so many people try to say that WangXian is either toxic or a stereotypical yaoi couple, and I just think “are we reading the same novel? what translation are you reading?”.

“Forced Gender Roles/Het Coding” – you mean how LWJ typically does more feminine chores, while WWX is more skilled/knowledgeable with traditionally masculine chore? Like in his dream, where LWJ is literally a housewife while his a busy husband?

“Stereotypical Seme/Uke dynamic” – not even mentioning the fact this isn’t yaoi (it’s danmei) and therefore, theydon’t really fit that genre, I really doubt it? Like, WWX is the one who decides nearly everything in the relationship. Regardless of what LWJ wants, he won’t push WWX into anything. In fact, WWX has to encourage LWJ to talk about what he wants/likes. Really, thinking about, WWX is kind of the one in charge.

LWJ might have WWX beat in terms of pure physical strength, but if you think LWJ could win in a fight without WWX letting him, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention. May I remind you, without golden core, WWX took on multiple armies? And the one that killed him only won because he let them. They technically didn’t even kill him! MXY’s body means WWX has a golden core now - he’s not as strong physically but he can work on that - he’s still stronger in every other aspect. It’s basically impossible for LWJ to overpower him.

“Rape/Noncon” - Where? There are two moments where LWJ crosses boundaries... but only one of those moments is an actual boundary crossed. Every other intimate moment that happens, LWJ makes certain that WWX is actually enjoying himself and consenting.

The infamous kiss. A lot of people misinterpret this as something the author threw in because it was “hot”. In actuality, this kiss is important for multiple reasons. While WWX isn’t upset by this kiss, LWJ clearly is. This moment is what causes LWJ to stop trying to force WWX to go back to CR with him – it’s this moment that makes him realize if he continues down this path, he will end up like his parents. This moment is the start of major character growth for LWJ, allowing him to become a better man, one that WWX can actually love wholeheartedly without any regrets. It’s this moment where he decides that he can’t just take little things from WWX anymore - he has to try a different approach to help him, and accept that WWX might never feel the same way (obviously he’s wrong). Like, the impact this has is huge, and it’s another reason why LWJ refuses to mention his feelings to WWX - he doesn’t want to force him ever again. So he won’t. Not even by having WWX agree to be with him out of graditude.

The other boundary crossed is when LWJ spanks WWX during sex. The narration makes it very clear at that moment that it’s not okay, that WWX is uncomfortable and doesn’t like it. And it stops, LWJ moves from it after some nudging from WWX. After the event, they have a serious talk where WWX makes it very clear that while he enjoys a lot of things, LWJ can’t do that ever again of he wants to continue being with WWX. LWJ could have argued, could have said that since they were under the influence of the incense burner, he shouldn’t be blamed for his actions. Instead, he swears never to do anything like that ever again.

This is so important! The message this sends is so important! This whole scene is saying that, no matter what kinks you might have or how kinky you are, your boundaries deserve to be respected. You don’t have to do something you’re uncomfortable with just because you’re kinky and your partner likes it. How can anyone read that and think it’s supporting rape?

Also... if I’m being honest... I actually thought CQL had a more stereotypical Seme/Uke dynamic than the novel. WWX is so much weaker and less observant/cunning... couple that with the fact the he’s not only not even a little guilty of his crimes but he’s actually made into a poor victim with lot of fainting into LWJ’s arms... yeah, he comes across much more like a uke than in the novel. LWJ is also so much more of a stereotypical overprotective seme too. Then there’s the whole thing lack of consent someone else mentioned, with how WWX forces LWJ to drink/how LWJ tricks WWX into marrying him (so he literally did the thing his father did that the fandom finds so unforgivable?). I like CQL, but a huge chunk of those fans are kind of obnoxious and toxic... and hypocritical I guess.

So, I just wanted to rant after seeing so many posts on this topic. I’m just really annoyed. I don’t even know if this makes any sense.

That is an excellent point re CQL. I’ve thought about how they weakened WWX and dumbed him down (presumably to make him more of a victim), but not how that affects his dynamic with LWJ. Also I do want to acknowledge that there is dubcon in the novel; the first time they have sex LWJ is drunk to start and we don’t know when exactly he sobered up. But like... that’s not exactly uncommon in romance novels. And the show has WWX forcing LWJ to get drunk against his will and LWJ marries WWX without his knowledge or consent, which... really isn’t better, especially as the novel does have discussion about how what they did was kind of a mess with consequences and them having to discuss it, which the show... doesn’t. In fact the novel takes consent as a far more important thing than the show does to the point of it being a central theme that the show lacks.

Yeah, I have to say that people insisting that Wangxian (specifically novel Wangxian) is super unhealthy feels like the double whammy of “Ewwwwww gay people who aren’t unrealistically perfect” and “Ewwwwwwwww a woman writing gay romance”. I mean, I seriously doubt that if one of them was a girl and/or the story was written by a dude and nothing else changed people would react anywhere near as vehemently towards it. Like... it seems interesting that the version people are insisting is healthier is the censored idol drama where they aren’t actually in a relationship and the people in charge mostly seem to be men, that’s all I’m saying.

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )