#but I think you can guess for most which is which

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)

[watchmegetobsessed]

RAW, NEXT QUESTION

A/N: saw a vid of all these dirty tiktok comments and just knew i had to write something like this hehe

WORD COUNT: 1k

WARNING: just some dirty talk i guess?

SUMMARY: You decide to get Harry hot and bothered with some of the most unhinged sayings you learned from Tiktok.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

Harry has always joked about how chronically online you are and quite frankly, you can’t argue with him. You definitely enjoy rotting on the couch after a long and tiring day and just scrolling through Tiktok. Your For You Page is usually pretty on the spot and perfectly curated for your taste and humor. It’s like a treat after being an adult for a whole day. 

Harry spends quite some time on different apps as well, but it’s just different for him, he doesn’t really engage with all the trends and micro trends that happen online, while you live for those. You absolutely love the memes, the poorly edited videos, the funny lines that just stick with you and you even catch yourself using them in real life as well. 

And Harry loves teasing you for that. He often jokes about you being a teenager at the ripe age of twenty-eight, to which you just usually roll your eyes. But one instance kind of turns the tables. 

One morning, after you’ve been out with your girlfriends the night before you’re stumbling out of the bedroom quite late, finding your boyfriend in the kitchen, already making you the breakfast you usually crave after drinking a bit too much. But this time he is standing by the stove in a pair of light grey sweatpants and your pink apron, nothing else. His hair is tousled, his tattoos are on display and he just looks incredibly delicious as he cooks for you. 

“Good morning, Sunshine,” he smiles at you when he sees you climb onto a stool by the kitchen island.

“Mmm,” is all you can get out as you can’t take your eyes off of you. He catches you eyeing him, a pleased grin stretching across his face as he flips a piece of bacon in the pan. 

“Like what you see?” he asks teasingly and before you could think of your answer, the words spill out of you.

“Raw, next question.”

Harry chokes on his breath, his ears go red instantly as he gives you a wide-eyed look. 

“Uh what?” he asks with a laugh and you notice him shifting from one leg to the other a bit nervously. 

“What, caught you by surprise?” you grin at him.

“Where did that come from?”

“It’s a Tiktok thing,” you shrug, but the gears are already turning in your head. 

If this comment got him so hot and bothered, you’d love to try out all the other unhinged sayings that circulate on the app. So you got to work.

In your notes app, you collect a rather long list of them that you’d like to drop on him at the right moment and then you wait.

And the moments luckily come. 

A few days later you have a particularly bad day at work and Harry knew, because you texted him all day. So he welcomes you home with a nice, hot bath, candles around the tub and a bottle of wine already waiting for you with two glasses. Standing at the door you look at him with adoring eyes and then you drop a bomb.

“I mean, I’m not a waitress, but I would take your tip.”

You see his pupils grow instantly. 

“Y/N,” he growls as you just smirk at him. A moment later his hands are already peeling your clothes off. You don’t even make it into the tub, because you take more than just his tip on the counter. 

The next time happens when he cooks dinner for you, the pasta he makes so well and is one of your favorites. Sitting at the table you watch him fill your plate with the delicious looking, creamy pasta and you just say with a sigh: “Mm, but why is he filling my plate and not me?”

The spaghetti spoon drops from his hand, back into the pot and he almost drops the plate as well. You can’t hold back your laugh as he puts it down and leans back in his seat, raking through his hair with pink cheeks and a cheeky smirk that also reflects his disbelief that you just said that. 

“Everything alright, baby?” you ask with an innocent look. He shakes his head with a chuckle and goes back to the pasta, but you already know you’ll be his dessert. 

The best one however happens publicly. One of your friends has a grill party when the weather is finally warm enough and you split for a bit, engaging in different circles. Harry looks incredibly good, wearing a colorful shirt with a few buttons undone, so he is flaunting quite a bit of his chest. He is nursing a beer, sunglasses hiding his pretty eyes and he recently shaved, but left his mustache, so he looks… extraordinarily good in your opinion. 

But others notice it too, the girls you’re chatting with mention his new facial hair style and they share your view of it looking amazing. As if Harry could sense that you’re talking about him, he turns to you and then starts walking towards your little circle. 

“Woah, get a load of this guy!” one of the girls jokingly calls out and you reply instantly.

“Oh, I’m trying to!”

Harry stops in his tracks as the girls start cheering and whistling at your comment. Slowly, a smirk tugs on his mouth as he takes the last few steps towards you, curling an arm around your shoulders and tugging you close so only you can hear when he says: “Oh you will get more than just a load when we get home.”

And you can’t hold back the smirk when you turn to look at him, catching him arching an eyebrow at you. It’s certain he thinks he got you speechless, but then you up it one more.

“Hmm, but something is off,” you pretend to think deep and he gets serious as well.

“What–” He doesn’t get to finish before you look him in the eyes and continue.

“Ah, nevermind. It’s just my clothes.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle as he shakes his head. 

“You’re banned from using that app ever again,” he says, kissing into your hair and you just shrug with a triumphant smile. 

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[goron-king-darunia]

Story time! I thought writing and essays especially were stupid for most of grade school. Teachers would "correct" deliberate choices I made for creative writing and spelling was my absolute nemesis because we didn't exactly have dictionaries in class let alone the internet so I couldn't figure out how to spell words I'd heard and got marked down for using them.

When it came to essays on reading comprehension the questions seemed... How do I put this. I understood solving equations in math. They put a bunch of similar questions to make sure you could get consistent results so they knew you knew the process and not just that you memorized that 2+2 was 4 but weren't grasping somehow that 2 was a unit of two ones each so that 1+1+1+1 also equaled 4. But with reading questions they always seemed... like they weren't testing consistent things? Some questions would make sense like "Why do you think character did X? (Though my ass would get so mad if I got marked down on those because like "You're asking my opinion? You're asking me to interpret the text, the answer should vary?!" Even though I didn't have the language for that.) And then the other half of the questions were the questions I also hated on history tests where it was just memorizing pointless trivia that no human being would need to know like "what color were the curtains in the MC's bedroom?" which is the same shit as like "what happened on the 4th Thursday of May in 1411?" Like bitch, why would I know that? The date isn't as important to history as the actual events so ask me "what was X historical event about?" instead. I can tell you what the Boston Tea Party was about but why the fuck would I memorize the date? "What happened on page 12?" JUST ASK ME WHAT THE INCITING INCIDENT IS INSTEAD, I CAN GIVE YOU THAT ANSWER!

So I grew up putting minimal effort into English class for a while because a lot of the questions were some form of "what is the title of the book" levels of dumb, "give us your pre-approved opinion" frustration questions or the goddamn trap questions of "what was the MC's cousin's name that gets mentioned once in the entire book?" type questions. So I just phoned a lot of stuff in. Made my essays the bare minimum so I could move on to stuff I liked more.

Until about 7th grade when my English teacher made us do daily writing exercises. You had to write 5 paragraphs at least on any topic you wanted and it had to be 5 good paragraphs every day, around 5 sentences per paragraph. And I HATED it. "What do you MEAN I have to write an ESSAY every day?! This sucks!"

But the more I had to do it, the easier it was. Especially when the teacher realized that my handwriting was just not going to improve so I was allowed to write my entries during class but then type them at home and paste them into the book. So then I could actually look up words I wanted to use and learn to spell them correctly instead of having to guess or flip through a big ass book that at best the class had to share during school hours. (Electronic Pocket dictionaries of the 2000s my beloved. I carried mine everywhere when I finally got one.)

And for once I wasn't being graded on if my opinions on fucking Sonic the Hedgehog were valid or not. I wasn't being graded on whether Sonic being blue is actually deep symbolism or if blue is just a neat color. I was being graded on tangible qualitative skills like whether I could construct a good argument and whether my sentences were full sentences and whether all 5 paragraphs related to each other.

And suddenly writing was fun. And when we had free reading periods and could read for pleasure instead of "Okay, pick one of these pre-selected books so you can do a report on it later" I started to enjoy reading too. Enough that by the time I reached high school, I'd picked up Dante's Inferno at the nearby public library and read it on my own only to get excited when the next year it was required reading and I was ahead of the curve because I'd read it once before.

I get it. School is fucking terrible and the measures they use to test when you're "good" at something or not are fucked.

But if I decided to phone it in forever, I wouldn't be able to read through a full news article today or read through contracts and insurance benefits. I would have to trust strangers to tell me the truth on current events and business things. I could be fed easy-to-read lies and swallow them hook, line, and sinker because lies can be as short as you want but the truth is rarely brief.

If I kept phoning things in, I wouldn't have enjoyed half the stories and games that I do, met the friends that I've met, or made the art that I've made.

Having to write 5 paragraphs every day for a year taught me that... 5 paragraphs isn't much at all. Nowadays when I write a "short" story, it's 5,000 words or more. For fun.

I wouldn't know the things I know or how to find out the things I've learned if I just gave up and let the Liar Box with the Fake Answers write all my papers.

I get why it's tempting. School is awful if you're a normal kid, let alone a special needs kid like my ADHD ass. But not only will you not learn very useful and necessary skills by asking the liar box to write your papers, but you're setting yourself up to trust and rely on the liar box, and by direct extension, setting yourself up to forever rely on and trust strangers to give you "correct" information without having any of the skills to learn for yourself if their information is correct.

600 words is not that much. It's a chunk to be sure. But it's not that much.

This is already 1000 words. It doesn't take that long and I promise it's so worth it to be able to express your thoughts in your own words and learn things with your own power instead of having to trust a machine and the strangers that lie for fun to give you the stuff you want to know.

[itsactuallylina]

FLUORESCENT ADOLESCENT ☆ YJW

SYNOPSIS: falling for your best friend's cousin was never the plan, but as you and jungwon grow closer, keeping secrets gets harder. Especially when minju starts to notice!

PAIRING: best friend’s cousin!jungwon x f!reader

GENRE: fluff, angst(most of it), flirty jungwon, high school au, love at first sight kinda, mention of panic attacks , A LOT of angst, pov switching, intended lowercase, possible mistakes

FEATURING: enhypen sunoo, illit minju, zb1 gyuvin, kiof belle , bnd taesan

WORD COUNT: 12.8k (ik it’s crazy)

A/N:lol 😝 this is a revamp (?) of my old ass smau which has like 2 chapters LMAO. i was thinking about writing it as a long fic for like a year and finally did it! first long fic too bruh. pls lmk if u like it 🥹 also english is not my first NOR my second language 😭 so sorry if there are any mistakes ; tagging @miumura

check out the masterlist —> here !

“minju, where are we going now?” — you whine, not wanting to walk again, you were pretty sure that you already had over 15 thousand steps today, and yet, minju has another place she suddenly wants to go. “i am tired”

“you’re always tired” she claims, staring into your eyes. “you’ll like it, I promise”

you groan, tilting your head back. “every time you said this, I end up regretting it later”

“excuse me?” minju says baffled, “did you regret the arcade? the rooftop picnic? the train to nowhere?”

“…okay, those were fun,” you admit, narrowing your eyes. “but i’m still tired”

she grins, already tugging your wrist. “it will be quick, just a few pictures. i’ll even let you pick the filters!”you sigh, following her. “fine fine, but if I look half-asleep in them, thats your fault”

“deal!”

you knew that you would give in, you love minju. she is your best friend after all.

the photobooth minju suggested to go to was located in the popular arcade, the one you went to that one time. as you walk in, the neon glow of the arcade flickers above you, minju is already almost at the booth area, you quickly catch up with her, escaping the air filled with buttered popcorn and soda scents. you’re mid laugh, looking at the ridiculous stickers displayed at the entrance when—

thud.

you barely register the warmth of another person before you stumble back, almost falling off your feet.

and then you look up.

wow.

you almost forgot how to breathe.

he is gorgeous. the guy standing in front of you is tall, hands stuffed in pockets.

for a second, his gaze locks onto yours—in this mere moment you notice his boba eyes, lightly curled hair and his catlike features.

you realized you probably looked like a creep, so you break off the eye contact.

“y/n, are you alright? you almost fell down” minju took a hold of your hand, worry visible on her face, before it disappeared as she looks in the way of the person you bumped into.

your best friend scoffs. “ugh, seriously? again?”

again? your brows knit together as you glance between them.

that guy chuckled, his gaze locked on you again. “I’m happy to see you too. didn’t know you had such a pretty friend.” he says with utmost confidence. you can feel the warmth appearing on your cheeks at his compliment, trying to avert your eyes somewhere else.

“oh my god, can you not?” minju sighs dramatically, you never knew she could be so annoyed at sight of someone. huh, guess there is a side of her you don’t know of.

“what? you won’t even introduce us?” he smirks, not looking away from you.

“fine, jungwon this is y/n, y/n this is jungwon, my cousin.” a nth dramatic sigh escaped from her.

so he is minjus cousin…

“nice to meet you, y/n” he says, extending his hand for you to shake, your name rolling off his tongue the way you never thought you would hear.

“uh, yea, nice to meet you too” you stutter, mentally slapping yourself for it. that’s what you say? seriously ?

“you’re really cute, you know?” jungwon suddenly said, you still didn’t calm down from the previous compliment and he throws another one at you?

the blush on your face only deepens, making you look like a tomato. gosh, so embarrassing…

“sorry, but she’s off limits to you, don’t try.” minju remarks before you could even respond.

“off limits, huh. that’s a shame” her cousin replies. “oh well, we can still be friends, right y/n?”

mention of your name makes you jolt, and before you could even think, you agree. “Of course! Yea, we can be friends, no problem”

“y/n?! whatever, just don’t cross any boundaries” ou, maybe you shouldnt have said that.

minju grabs your wrist, pulling you towards the booth. “you can ignore him if you want to”

you let yourself be dragged away, but as you step in the photo booth you make a mistake of looking back.

jungwon is watching you, a smug grin on his face, like his cousins words don’t mean a thing to him.

If only you knew that it was just a beginning.

since it was a little holiday break before the school starts, you decided to visit your favorite record shop to finally buy a vinyl from your favorite group, arctic monkeys.

walking in, you feel the warmth of the cozy atmosphere. the record shop is filled with a quiet melody, which you recognize but can’t put a name on. the air is thick with the scent of old vinyls, worn leather, and a faint trace of coffee coming from the counter. your fingers skim over the albums on display, the rough texture of cardboard meeting your skin. the lighting is dim and golden. it was a place where time slows down. you loved it.

when you find the needed section, you scan the variety, thinking which vinyl you should get. your eyes stop at the familiar black cover with a white sound wave—AM, one of your favorite albums of all time. weird how you never got it, since your first choice song, fluorescent adolescent, is on it.

your hand extends towards the album, and as you almost take it, it disappears from your sight. you firmly turn, hand still in mid-air, eyes locked onto the thief who dared to snatch your treasured almost-purchase. and then—you freeze.

yang jungwon.

the same guy who shamelessly flirted with you back at the arcade, minju’s cousin. but now, the smirk he had the first time you met is nowhere to be found, replaced by an expression that you can’t quite read.

“jungwon?” your own voice comes out before you can even think. maybe you should get that checked out.

he blinks, then lets out a small laugh that gives away his disbelief. “huh, didn’t think that i’d run into you again.”

your gaze flickers to the album he still holds in his hands. “didn’t think you’d steal my vinyl either, but here we are.”

“steal? didn’t see your name on it.” the smugness you remember makes its way back onto his face.

“i literally was about to grab it,” you huff, crossing your arms.

jungwon tilts his head, examining the record while considering something, at least from the looks of it. “you have good taste, but i’m not sure if i should be impressed or offended that your first arctic monkeys vinyl wasn’t this one.”

“i didn’t really ask for your judgment,” you say, rolling your eyes.

he grins, offering the album back to you, but as you were about to take it, he pulls it back. “how about this?” he muses, eyes shining. “i’ll let you have this if you… beat me in a game at the arcade. let’s keep it fair and simple.”

your brows shoot up. “you can’t be serious.”

he shrugs his shoulders. “oh, but i am. you win—you get your precious AM album. and if i win?” he slightly leans in, just enough to make your heart do something stupid. “you take me out for coffee.”

you can sense heat creeping up your neck as he goes back to his original position. “that sounds more like a win-win for you, though.”

“exactly.”

you narrow your eyes at him, pretending to think about your options. jungwon watches you with amusement, twirling the vinyl between his fingers. finally, you sigh. “alright, lead the way.”

his smirk widens as he gestures towards the door with an exaggerated bow. “after you, my lady.”

you roll your eyes but can’t hide the flutter the silly nickname gave you. feeling his presence behind you, you go through the aisles of the store. the dim light fades into the neon gleam of the arcade across the street. the distant sound of buttons and clicking fills the air, instantly reminding you of the last time you were here.

but before you can dwell on it any longer, jungwon steps beside you. “hope you’re ready, because i won’t go easy.”

you glance up at him. “never expected you to.”

maybe you should have been a little bit less of a nerd and agreed to gyuvin’s and taesan’s offer to go to the arcade.

you’re losing horribly. you did not expect jungwon to be this good at the games.

it all started with the air hockey—you were in the lead for the first few minutes before jungwon suddenly interrupted your scoring streak and literally humbled you. was it karma for being too confident?

then came the basketball shootout. jungwon scored three points out of five effortlessly. “i’m not going easy this time,” he teased.

“you said that six times already,” you muttered, focusing on the game before you, remembering the basketball lessons you attended in middle school.

your first shot bounced off the rim, making jungwon’s smile wider. “what’s wrong? scared?”

you ignored him, concentrated again, and—swish. the next shot was clean. then the next one. and the next one. and also the last one.

jungwon’s confidence wavered as you scored four points. you won.

he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “you got lucky.”

you grinned. “sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.” it was finally your turn to tease him.

now, the dance dance revolution is happening. the glow of the DDR machine flickered as the game loaded. the platform beneath you slightly vibrated, metal panels cool under your shoes.

as soon as the game started, the arrows flooded the screen. the music played through the speakers, matching your moves. jungwon was beside you, moving effortlessly, barely missing a step.

you, on the other hand, weren’t so careful. your movements were a little frantic, messy, but fun. laughter bubbled up between breaths as you nearly tripped on a tricky move.

“is that all you got?” jungwon teased.

“just wait,” you huffed, eyes locking onto the screen.

the song sped up, so did both of you.

your movements became more precise, matching the beat. the combo is unbelievably high right now, and everything seemed good.

until it didn’t.

you can feel yourself slipping because of the slick material of your shoes. already prepared for the impact, you’re expecting the pain, squeezing your eyes shut—

but instead, you feel warmth engulfing your hand and bringing you back up.

“careful now, it’s still not the end,” jungwon says while holding your hand and continuing to dance.

you, having no choice, but to carry on with your movements, but now, with intertwined fingers with the guy beside you.

laughter filled the air as the music started to fade away before it completely stopped and the game started to count your scores.

you, still breathless, still holding hands with jungwon, look at the screen.

87.

you feel proud, but you quickly glance at the screen next to yours, and it says the exact same thing.

you look at each other’s eyes before bursting into chuckles again.

“so it’s a tie?” he asks, turning to you.

“i guess so,” you reply, chuckling a little bit.

“alright then,” jungwon says while tilting his head towards the exit. “we both get what we want.”

you nod, still catching your breath. “right. first things first—my album.”

“lead the way.”

as you both made your way back to the record shop, the warm scent of vinyls and coffee filled the air again. scanning the shelves, you grab the desired AM album before jungwon could.

he just laughed. “happy now?”

“very.” you grinned, already going to check out.

when you paid for the vinyl, you find a phone right before you.

“put your number in. you promised me a coffee, remember?” he reminded you.

for a second, you hesitated, remembering minju’s words.

“come on, we had a deal.” a little pout appeared on his face, making you chuckle.

“alright, alright.” you take the phone from him and enter your number before giving it back. you feel your own phone vibrate in your back pocket.

“just making sure it’s real.”

“do i look like someone who gives fake numbers?” you scoffed.

“not really. more like someone who’d block me instead.” jungwon hummed.

you opened your mouth to protest, but before you could, he was already heading toward the exit. “i’ll text you. be ready.”

and with that, you were left alone near the checkout station of your favorite record shop, with the number of a really handsome guy who was off-limits.

the break ended, and you were back at school. the bell rang, signaling the start of lunch. you packed your bag and headed toward the cafeteria to meet up with your friends. when you arrived, you could see your friend group sitting at your usual table.

“hey, everyone.” you greet them, sitting near belle. you unpack your lunch, listening to the conversation flowing around you. belle was excitedly talking about some new drama she started, while minju scrolled through her phone, occasionally nodding. across from you, gyuvin and taesan were locked in some silly debate about whether mint chocolate was a real ice cream flavor or not. the usual chaos filled the cafeteria—laughter, the clatter of trays, and distant complaints about break ending too soon.

just as you were about to take a bite of your food, minju nudged your arm. “so,” she started, “did you end up getting your album?”

you put your chopsticks down. “yeah, why?”

belle perked up. “wait, didn’t you say jungwon was there too?”

at the mention of the guy’s name, minju sighed dramatically. “ugh, don’t remind me. of course he was. he is everywhere. seeing him at school and family gatherings is enough for me, but no, of course not.” she complained further, making belle laugh.

taesan, who was half-listening, raised an eyebrow. “jungwon, as in your cousin yang jungwon?”

minju sighed again. “yes.”

gyuvin smirked, leaning toward your side with curiosity. “this kinda sounds like a wattpad story. you and jungwon at the record shop? what happened?”

you shrugged, not wanting to give details. “nothing much, we just ran into each other,” you say, leaving out the arcade and the bet. technically, you didn’t lie—you did run into each other.

minju scoffed. “yeah, and he used his annoying charm, didn’t he?”

belle grinned. “that explains why y/n looked a little flustered.”

you decided to ignore her comment, but the way minju stared at you made you shift uncomfortably.

before she could interrogate you further, a new presence approached the table.

jungwon.

your breath hitched as he casually walked past, chatting with some of his friends, some of whom you recognized. jungwon didn’t stop, but as he passed, his gaze found a way to you—just for a second. a glance and a knowing smirk.

your stomach did a weird flip.

taesan must have noticed because he nudged you with his elbow. “uh-oh. what was that?”

you quickly shake your head. “nothing.”

minju, however, caught on immediately. “y/n.”

you ignore her, suddenly finding your lunch very interesting.

but your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you had a guess who that was.

jungwon: hope you’re not backing out of our deal, pretty girl :)

you locked your phone, hoping no one saw that message.

yeah… this was going to be a problem.

if before you never noticed jungwon at school, now it’s a different story.

minju was right—he is everywhere. you go to the vending machine? he is there. go to your locker to grab a textbook? jungwon is across from you, near his own locker. even in the cafeteria, he always seems to find a way to sneak a glance at you. what’s worse? he makes it obvious. always smirking at you, showing off his dimples. at times, texting you compliments, reminding you of your promise to get coffee with him.

now, as you come out of the teachers’ lounge after discussing your projects with the physics teacher, you really hope not to bump into jungwon.

but luck is not on your side.

as you step out of the teachers’ lounge, you barely take a few steps before a familiar figure casually leans against the wall beside you.

“took you long enough.”

you blink at jungwon, who’s watching you with his signature smirk. “were you waiting for me?”

he shrugs. “let’s say i had a feeling you’d pass by here.”

you cross your arms, raising a brow. “and why exactly would you wait for me?”

“well, i think someone still owes me coffee.” he tilts his head, pretending to be in deep thought.

you can’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. “i didn’t forget.”

“good, because i was starting to think you were trying to escape from our little deal.”

you scoff. “please, if i wanted to, you wouldn’t even see me.”

jungwon chuckled, clearly amused. “is that right? guess i’ll have to keep an eye on you.”

he steps back, shuffling his hands into his pockets as he starts to walk down the hall. “meet me at the front gate after school, yeah?”

“yeah, yeah. don’t be late.”

he grins. “i should be the one saying that, pretty.”

and with that, he disappears into the crowd, leaving you standing there, trying to ignore the warmth creeping up your neck.

but someone noticed the blush on your ears, and they weren’t overjoyed with it.

minju and you had been friends since middle school. she truly cared about you, thought of you as her best friend. but as she watched your interaction with her cousin, she couldn’t help but feel the disappointment creeping in.

she wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much—maybe it was the way jungwon looked at you, like he already had you all figured out. or maybe it was the way you looked back at him, the kind of gaze she had never seen you give anyone.

minju had always been protective of you—it was a responsibility she felt. she had been by your side for years. through every bad grade, every family argument, every late-night conversation about life. you were her person, and she assumed she was yours too.

but now, watching her cousin tease you with his shameless smirk, watching you try to stop the smile from appearing on your face, she felt like someone had stabbed her with the sharpest knife.

it wasn’t jealousy, as she thought. she didn’t really care about jungwon chatting with her friends, but the thought of him stepping into the space she always thought was only hers, the thought of you abandoning her for her cousin—made her stomach twist in pain.

she knew how jungwon could effortlessly pull people in with his natural confidence, and she knew you too, how easily you could be swayed with kindness.

was she overreacting? maybe, but as she caught the faintest blush on the tips of your ears, she couldn’t shake the feeling that made her feel horrible.

and she wasn’t sure she was ready for it.

the afternoon sun hung low as you stepped out of the school grounds, only to be met with a familiar smirk. jungwon was already waiting, leaning against the fence, looking too pleased with himself.

“thought you’d run off and break our promise,” he teased.

you rolled your eyes, but the corner of your lips twitched. “you wish. i take my debts very seriously.”

“so buying me a coffee is a debt now?” he raised an eyebrow, pretending to be offended.

“you practically scammed me into doing this.”

jungwon let out a laugh, his dimples showing. “and yet here you are, willingly taking me to the café. interesting, isn’t it?”

you didn’t have a comeback for that, so you stayed silent, making him chuckle as he opened the café door for you.

you both walked to the counter to make your orders.

“i’ll have a peach iced tea, please,” you ordered your usual.

jungwon hummed, looking at you with an amused expression. “peach iced tea, huh? didn’t think you’d be the sweet type.”

you almost looked offended. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

he grinned, turning to the barista. “i’ll have an iced americano. card, please.”

you blinked. “wait, what?”

jungwon shrugged, handing over his card before you could protest. “consider it a treat. since, you know, you’re already so sweet.” his tone was playful, but the smile told you he knew exactly what he was doing.

you groaned, hiding the warmth creeping up your face. “you’re impossible.”

he simply laughed, nudging your arm lightly as you both stepped aside to wait for your drinks.

you didn’t think jungwon would be an interesting person to talk to.

yeah, he made you feel something, but you just brushed it off as pointless flirting.

but as the conversation between the two of you kept going, you realized there was more to him than just smooth lines and smug grins. he was funny—witty in a way that kept you on your toes. he listened, asked questions, and actually seemed interested in your rants about movies, books, music—whatever else slipped past your lips.

at some point, you caught yourself not hiding the smiles anymore, leaning in a little closer. it was easy—too easy—to get comfortable around him.

still, you reminded yourself: it was just playful banter. nothing more, nothing less.

at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

as the evening settled in, you and jungwon stepped out of the café. the cool air was a stark contrast to the warmth of your conversation. the streets were quieter, bathed in the golden light of street lamps.

“you didn’t have to walk me back, you know,” you said, glancing at him.

“i wanted to.”

you didn’t protest, secretly enjoying the way his presence made the walk feel shorter, lighter—better. the conversation continued, usual teasing remarks mixed with moments of quiet comfort. by the time you reached your doorstep, an unfamiliar hesitation lingered between you two.

“well,” you started, gripping the strap of your bag. “thanks. i had fun today.”

jungwon grinned, but this time, there was no smugness behind it. his smile felt softer. “me too. see you tomorrow?”

you nodded, stepping inside, giving him a little wave he reciprocated. when the door clicked shut, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

as jungwon walked away from your house, the usual confidence in his steps faltered. the night air felt heavier, and for the first time in a while, he found himself deep in thought.

at first, it was fun—teasing you, watching you get flustered, sneaking in compliments just to see your reaction. it was easy, something he never took seriously.

but now?

now there was this unknown feeling in his chest, one he didn’t understand. the way you laughed, the way your eyes lit up as you ranted about your favorite songs, the way you looked at him when you thought he didn’t notice—it all replayed in his mind, like an arctic monkeys album on repeat.

he liked you.

the realization hit him. it was both exciting and terrifying because it wasn’t harmless flirting anymore. it wasn’t a game anymore.

and suddenly, fear crept in—the fear of messing up, of ruining the dynamic you already had, of what minju would think, of what you would think if you found out how he was starting to care.

with a sigh, he pulled out his phone, hesitating before typing a message. but in the end, he deleted it, shoving his phone back into his pocket as he continued walking.

for now, he’d play it safe.

but he knew these feelings weren’t going to disappear anytime soon.

minju has been acting weird. not in a way that it’s obvious to everyone—she still laughed at gyuvin’s dumb jokes and rolled her eyes when taesan ranted about some rock band he had a hyper fixation on. but with you, something shifted.

she didn’t text as often, and when she did, her replies seemed distant and dry. at lunch, she still sat beside you, but the stiffness in her posture gave out how she was forcing herself to act normal.

you had a guess it was about jungwon, but there was no direct proof. she hadn’t said anything, nor confronted you. she hadn’t even mentioned his name. when you caught her looking at you, you could see an unreadable emotion—something about it pained you so much, no words would be able to explain it.

the worst part about it all—she pretended everything was normal, when it was clear as hell it was not.

did she think you wouldn’t notice?

you had enough.

after a week of minju’s distant behavior—short replies, the forced smiles, all the excuses—you could not take it anymore.

so when the last class of the day ended, before she could storm off as she did the past week, you gathered up all the courage you had and reached for her wrist.

“minju, wait.”

she froze for a second, carefully turning to you, her expression blank. “what?”

you exhaled, steadying yourself. “can we talk?”

you could recognize slight hesitation in her eyes. but then she sighed, pulling her wrist from your hold. “okay.”

you didn’t miss the way her shoulders tensed, she already knew what you were about to say.

as the teacher stepped out of the classroom, leaving you two completely alone, you opened your mouth to say something—but nothing comes out. the guarded look on minju’s face made you hesitate.

still, you pressed further. “minju… have i done something wrong?”

her brows furrowed, like she did not expect that. “what do you mean?”

“you have been avoiding me—barely talking, no daily update texts, you don’t even look at me!” you said it all in one breath. “please, tell me if i have done something wrong.”

she scoffed, shaking her head. “you didn’t do anything.”

“that doesn’t sound really convincing.”

she exhaled heavily, gripping the strap of her backpack. “i just—” she stopped herself, biting her bottom lip, before muttering, “nevermind, it’s nothing.”

you frowned. “it is if it’s making you act like this.”

she looked conflicted, her fingers twitched, like she wanted to grab something, maybe steady herself. then, she let out a humorless chuckle.

“you really don’t get it, do you?”

you raised your eyebrow, signaling her to elaborate.

minju sighed. it wasn’t her usual frustrated huff, it was heavier, emotionally deeper.

“it’s jungwon.”

you blinked. “jungwon?”

she nodded, letting out a breath she was holding. “you and him. i see the way you two are.”

you looked at her confused, not exactly understanding what she meant.

she looked at you, her eyes did not hold any frustration behind them, they were hurt.

“i hate it.” her hands clenched at her sides. “i hate seeing you with him. i hate that your smile is brighter with him rather than me.”

your breath hitched at her sudden confession. “minju…”

“i know i shouldn’t feel this way, i know it’s selfish,” she continued, her voice wavering. “but i can’t help it. you were my best friend. and now—” she swallowed hard.

“now, i feel like i’m losing you.”

you could feel your heart ache. minju had always been at your side, and you’re making her feel like this.

you took a step closer, taking her hand. “ju…”

she shook her head, wiping a few stray tears with her free hand. “i just don’t want you to leave me behind.”

you hesitated, guilt twisting inside you. fidgeting with your fingers, you remembered all the times minju had been distant lately, the way she avoided you, the way warmth in her was replaced by something unfamiliar, colder. it wasn’t about jungwon. it was about you. about her. about the space growing between you.

you couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her more than you already did.

your arms flung around her, hugging her tightly. you whispered, “i won’t see him anymore.”

minju’s eyes widened. “what?”

“if it brings you that much pain… i’ll stop.”

for a moment, she stared at you, as if she didn’t believe you. then her lips parted slightly, letting out a shaky breath.

“…thank you,” she whispered, hugging you back.

you gave her a small smile, as you continued to hold her. but deep down, you felt something twist painfully.

you ignored the feeling, because if staying away from jungwon would fix things, then that’s what you will do.

you will keep your distance. you will ignore the way your heart pulled you in the opposite direction.

making things right with minju was what mattered the most.

but as you held her, a storm of emotions burst inside you, and you couldn’t ignore the feeling that this decision would leave a crack in your heart that might never heal.

that night, as you lied in bed, the weight of your promise crashed on you like a big pile of stones. every time you closed your eyes, you saw jungwon’s smile — the way his dimples would appear when he teased you, the way his eyes softened when you reacted to it. you tried to push these thoughts away, telling yourself it was for minju, but to no avail. the harder you tried to fight it, the more his face lingered in your brain. was this really the right thing to do?

you decided to scroll through your chat with him — for the last time, before everything comes to an end. going back to older texts, you stared at your phone, that one message glowing on the screen: “hope you’re not backing out of our deal, pretty girl”. a smile tugged at your lips, before quickly wiping it away, remembering minju’s tear-strained face. she was—is your best friend—your person. you had to fulfill what you promised. but then why did it hurt so much, even from a mere thought of letting jungwon go?

you decided to go wash up, maybe a cold shower will freshen you up.

that’s what you thought.

the cold water hit your skin, sharp and biting, but it did little to wash away the mess in your mind. you stood there, letting the water hit you, hoping that it would drown out the thoughts about jungwon. but instead, it only made them louder. overwhelming thoughts clouded your mind. what if this was all a mistake? your—whatever it is—with jungwon. maybe he really didn’t care about you, maybe he was just bored and decided to play with you. but then you remembered the way he looked at you — like you were the only one in the whole world. undoubtedly, jungwon made you feel like it. you remember the way his hand held yours back in the arcade — warm and steady, like the tickling of a clock. even now, you swore you could still feel it, under the icy stream, the ghost of his touch hugged your fingers.

was it possible to miss someone that much?

after what you thought would be a refreshing shower, your mind never cleared up. changing into pjs and trying to sleep—uncountable attempts at emptying your head and tossing and turning in your bed.

concluding that trying to fall asleep was pointless, you went to your small balcony, the cramped comfortable place with a small couch. you always liked it, the way the city noise faded into distant hums, the way the sofa would cradle you when everything was too heavy.

you hugged you knees to your chest, looking up at the star-filled night sky, the cool air brushing against your skin. the familiar comfort of the balcony couldn’t help with the ache in your heart. why did it have to be like this? why did you have to choose between the person who was always there for you and the person who made your heart race in a way that you’d never felt before?

life is so unfair.

you knew that the next day would be challenging. you woke up earlier than usual, just so you wouldn’t bump into jungwon at your locker, just so you didn’t have to regret the decision.

one thing you were grateful for—jungwon wasn’t in your class. belle and gyuvin were—they helped you to empty your mind, they made things so much easier for you. at that moment you silently thanked them for being there.

during lunch, you sat at your usual table, forcing a smile as belle and gyuvin had a heated debate over something silly again. minju was next to you, her laugh ringing out as she teased gyuvin for his unluckiness. she was looking better, happier.

she gave you hope that everything might be okay. when she noticed you looking down, which she always did, she took a hold of your hand, squeezing it lightly. you looked at her, smiling and squeezing her hand back, signaling that everything was okay.

it was a lie.

you noticed jungwon coming closer to your location with your peripheral vision and you couldn’t stop yourself from looking, but you had to. you could since the way his gaze lingered on you for a second too long. you couldn’t reciprocate it, you shouldn’t. so you didn’t, you simply ignored him, rather engaging in a chat with your friends about who knows what.

this choices pained you, but you didn’t pay attention to it. thinking everything will be alright as long as you don’t acknowledge it. just to make sure, you squeezed the hand in your again, hoping the gesture would help to relax, but all it did was remind you of the promise that could be broken with a single glance.

it will be fine.

that’s the phrase you kept telling yourself, over and over, like a mantra. but as you sat there, surrounded by your friends, their laughter and chatting filling the air, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were lying to yourself and everyone else. you didn’t wanna believe it, refusing to accept your own thoughts. everything will become easier.

right?

the rest of the day passed in a blur. everything was as usual—you answered some questions in class, nodding along your conversations, even laughing at the right moments. you tried to delude yourself into thinking that everything was fine, and you almost succeeded. in the back of your mind, thoughts about jungwon still lingered.

when the last bell rang, you let out the sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding. you hurried back to your locker, you had to go home as quicker as possible, you didn’t want to encounter with anyone. but to your luck, fate had other plans for you.

“hey”

the familiar tone of his voice made you freeze. slowly closing the door to your locker, you stepped back, to make the distance a little bit longer between you two, as it didn’t feel as an enormous canyon already.

as your gaze met his, for the first time today, you were stunned. there he was in all his glory — jungwon. he was casually leaning against the lockers, hands holding his backpack.

“you’ve been avoiding me” the way he said this was light, but it carried something heavy, his eyes tell everything.

you open your mouth to deny, but you can’t. because its true. you have been avoiding him. you did everything just to not interact with him. suddenly, you can’t look him at the eyes, unable to focus on anything, your eyes run across the hall, just to find something. anything.

“is everything alright?” his soft, somewhat scared tone made your eyes flicker to him again. this time, he wasn’t looking at you, instead, he stared at the floor beneath him.

if the smirk that had a place on his face at the start of the conversation, now it disappeared. his face carried so many emotions, but one stood out the most.

fear.

this is the first time you see him like this, the confident, cocky jungwon, was now too scared to look at your eyes, asking such a simple, but at the same time difficult question. you didn’t know what to do.

one part of your mind whispered—to apologize for ignoring him, to hug and to comfort him. you want to say that you didn’t want to make him feel like this. but on the other hand, someone screams at you to go away, to stop seeing him, to tell him to block your number. and the one thing that pulls you to do so, is the promise between you and minju.

you never have broken your promises, never. even in the third grade when you got one C, you promised your parents to get 100 in all the classes next semester. that you did, even when you were sure that they wouldn’t mind if you got less. even in the 7th grade, when you promised to bake cookies for all your friends, with zero knowledge of baking. you still did it, even if the taste wasn’t that amazing. you still did it.

you can’t break the promise you made yesterday, the promise to your beloved best friend.

what you were about to do will hurt you, and you will definitely regret it, but it just had to be done.

“lets stop this” you say sternly, trying to hide away all the pain that your own decision brought you, hoping that it will ease the impact on jungwon, fully knowing that it wont.

“what?” his head shot up, a surprised look evident on his face. for a moment, he just stared at you, as if waiting for you to laugh and say it was a joke. but that moment didn’t come, his expression shifted, confusion and hurt played on his face, along with something you couldn’t quite pinpoint.his eyebrows furrowed, “are you serious?”, his voice cracking slightly.

you just nod your head, despite the storm and explosions inside your brain. fixing the bag strap on your shoulder, you just walk away, like it didn’t bother you, like you didn’t care about the record shop, arcade, cafe, like every his message didn’t bring you joy, like you didn’t care about him.

each step was heavier than the last one, you could feel the way he stared at you from behind, even when you wanted to, you wouldn’t dare to meet his eyes. if you did, you were sure you’d break.

tears welled up in your eyes. you want to apologize, want to say that it was just a stupid prank. but you couldn’t. not even for him.

as you walked away from the school grounds, you let tears spill, not able hold them back anymore. you wiped them away, but they kept coming, they were serving a reminder of what you just did, what you just lost.

as you walked home, the weight of your decision settled with unexplainable pain in your chest, a constant sickness that didn’t fade.

when jungwon arrived home after that night, he started thinking immediately.

should he confess or should he wait? if the first, then how? where? with flowers? with a plushie? with a vinyl?

as he thought about these, the moments of your talk flickered in his memory. not wanting to forget a single detail, jungwon grabs his notepad and writes down everything he remembers.

even after scribbling down his thoughts, his heart didn’t calm down—it still raced, he couldn’t understand, it was the first time he felt this way, he didn’t think that someone would be able to make his stomach flip with every emotion known to the world. he leaned back in his chair, spinning mindlessly around his room as different outcomes played in his mind. he was fed up with all this overthinking.

he should rest.

that’s the conclusion he came to. jungwon rushed to the shower, turned up the coldest temperature and screamed in terror.

that’s not what you do, idiot

after adjusting the temperature, he basked in the comfortable rain, calming down his mind and heart. that night he slept almost worry-free.

the week went smoothly, usual eye contact with you at lunches became something more, little waves joining the routine. jungwon tried to talk with you during breaks more too, finding you at your locker or vending machine in the backyard of the school campus.

sometimes you would share short jokes with each other, laughing quietly. the other, you would get to know each other more, playing 21 questions, this way jungwon was able to show you the picture of maeumi and find out that you adore dogs, especially the small ones. that small fact brought a smile on his face, he started to imagine the walks that you two would go on, he’d bring maeumi along, and you would have a nice picnic date, maybe.

he was quickly snapped back into reality with your next question, pretending that he didn’t just imagine how you would intertwine hands.

one time, you were quiet with each other. it could’ve been awkward, but it wasn’t, it was comforting actually. the wind gently blowing on you, carrying faint noise from other classes along. you two would just laugh at that while making eye contact.

everything seemed to go smoothly, jungwon was already brainstorming ideas for his confession—already sure with his choice. there was just one question left to ask: what is your favorite arctic monkeys song.

and he was sure that today he would ask it.

the morning went as usual, he got up, brushed his teeth, got dressed and went to school. his first period was math, but even that couldn’t ruin his mindset, which wasn’t unnoticed by his friend, sunoo.

“what’s up with you today? you’re never this hyped for mr. lee’s class”, he asked, looking at jungwon like he grew 2 heads.

“it’s nothing, just have big plans” and that he did, jungwon planned to take you to the vinyl shop where you met during the break. listen to some albums and ask you the question he badly needed an answer to.

“something related to y/n?” sunoo asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

instead of a response, jungwon just smiled, the red cheeks answered for him. and when he heard the giggle his classmate made, the blush only deepened.

up until lunch, jungwon couldn’t contain the happiness he had, smiling through all his classes, even through chemistry. his classmates looked at him like a maniac, i mean, who smiles during organic chemistry explanation?

he didn’t care about all that tho, all he wanted is to see you at lunch, look at your eyes and smile.

when he met up with jay near the cafeteria, he knew that they would pass your usual table, he mentally prepared himself for that moment.

he walked in your direction, that way, you would face each other perfectly, and when he almost waved, you refused to meet his gaze, preferring to engage in a conversation with your friends.

the smile on jungwons face immediately faltered. he felt an instant drop in his chest, confusion overtook his expression, if the cafeteria wasn’t so crowded, he would definitely stand like a deer.

jays arm was placed on his back so he would continue walking, and jungwon couldn’t help but submit. a wave of emotions struck him. what was that just now?

he could only keep walking, but the only thing replaying on his mind was how you turned away from him. over and over.

did i imagine that? maybe y/n just didn’t see me, yea that has to be it.

he tried to reason with his own brain, but the more he thinks about the interaction, the more doubt he has. you looked at everyone else, hell, jungwon swore, you looked at his direction for a millisecond. you saw him, you just—chose not to.

the weird feeling appeared in his stomach, not the one from before, no. it didn’t make him giggly and happy, instead, it made him sorrowful, doubtful.

jays words don’t even make sense now, jungwon can’t hear them, all he can think about is: what did i do wrong?

when he met up with his other friends, his mind was somewhere else, he didn’t answer their questions, he couldn’t even hear them, he was deeply immersed in his own thoughts. every single possibility crossing his mind. he had to ask you what was that.

after lunch, he could not focus. if in the morning it was because of the happiness that distracted him, now it was the misery casting upon him. he had to get out of this class immediately. jungwon counted seconds until the bell. and when finally it rang—he ran to the backyard with all his strength. he doesn’t mind his friends who look at him confused, he has to go to your spot. and when he arrives—

nothing.

jungwon is met with emptiness of the backyard, if you wanted to come here, then you would, your classroom was literally a minute away, unlike his. but you didn’t.

you’re not near the vending machine, not sitting on the bench, and you’re not even crouched down in the corner where you two would usually sit.

then it hits him. it’s not a coincidence.

you’re avoiding him.

jungwon just stands there, not knowing what to do. he takes in the silence—the emptiness. the place that was associated with warmth was colder than any winter.

now he must talk to you. he checks his watch, it was 2 minutes before the bell on the last lesson. he had no choice but to come back. when his friends tried to question him, jungwon just shrugged, signaling that he didn’t want to answer anything.

he just has to wait for another hour. damn it.

when that painfully long 60 minutes passed, jungwon stuffed all his things into his backpack, not caring if it was messy, which was unlike him, he always made sure that his notebooks are all organized. the mess in his head made his actions look chaotic.

when he arrived at the lockers, he saw you. rushing to put all your textbooks in a tiny blue locker. why were you in such a hurry? is it because you didn’t want to see him?

jungwon shakes his head, there was no time to overthink, he just had to ask, you were right here, in front of him.

as he tried to calm his mind down, you were almost done. he leaned against the lockers, almost whispering:

“hey”

jungwon could see you stop in your movements, this little detail made his heart sink, his hands gripping the backpack strap so tightly, his knuckles turned white.

as you carefully close your locker and take a step back, which breaks his heart, you finally look at him, at that moment, jungwon felt mute, he couldn’t get any words out of his mouth, and he had plenty. he wanted to curse at you, question you, adore you, but all that he is able to muster out is — “you’ve been avoiding me”

you look stunned, like you didn’t expect that question, but quickly that expression transformed into one of regret? that only made jungwon more curious at what you had to say. he felt despair, he was dying to know what prompted such behavior from you.

after noticing how your orbs scanned through the school hall, he couldn’t continue looking at you, instead, shifting his gaze to the floor, wishing that it would swallow him as a whole. “is everything alright?”, he manages to whisper.

few seconds later, which felt like an eternity, you look at him, with a stare so harsh, that it felt like a hit by a metal bat.

“let’s stop this” you say, and jungwon can’t believe his ears. his breath got caught in his throat. you didn’t have to specify what you meant by ‘this’. it was obvious, you both acknowledged the growing tension between the two of you.

he felt like a deer in headlights. “are you serious?” he asks, because he feels like you’re joking. he is waiting for you to laugh at him, to point his expression, just say something, anything.

but you don’t, you just nod, rubbing salt into the wound. and when it couldn’t get worse, it did. you turned away and walked away. just walked away. the ache in his chest spread all over.

jungwon felt devastated. after everything — you just turn away from him? he wants to cry, to break down, but doesn’t find any strength in himself to do so.

he just watches your figure slowly disappear when you walk towards the direction of your home.

you cried the whole evening.

when you just got home, you broke down, disturbing everyone present. your mom looked so heartbroken at the sight of her daughter in such misery. and she couldn’t do anything but give you a comforting hug and offer your favorite tea, which was enough.

your dad decided to give you space, which you were grateful for. you didn’t know what to do and what to think. you just…had no idea.

even your older brother gave you some space by not teasing you for your tears, feeling that it was something serious.

when you went up to your room, you dropped your bag, which resulted in a loud noise, but you paid no mind to it, you just wanted to cry.

not bothering to change out of your school uniform, you collapsed onto your bed. the dampness of your pillowcase only reminded you the reason why you were crying.

jungwon.

the way he looked so hopeful, but so doubtful at the same time. visions of him only strengthened the flow of your emotions.

you want to apologize, to call him, to confess in everything you felt, how he made your heart race, or how you couldn’t think straight way back when you two met at the photobooth.

and then you remember minju. how happy she looked, like she was released from the heaviest load. or how she looked when she admitted her feelings, how much stress she buried within herself.

all these overwhelming feelings made you tremble. your fingers curled into the fabric of your jacket, gripping it so it could somehow steady you, like it could calm down the storm in your mind. you tried to take a deep breath, but it only made everything worse—you could smell the scent of cinnamon of your shampoo, the one that jungwon teased you for all the time.

you exhaled. shaky and unsteady.

why did it feel like this?

every time you though of him—his eyes searching yours in the sea of others, his smile with unforgettable dimples, that made you giggle too—it felt like a weight pressuring down on you. you squeezed your eyes shut in attempt to forget those memories, but they clung to you, like lyrics of the song you loved.

you had done the right thing.

then why was the pain so sharp?

monday was a dread. the start of the work week, the sudden change in the sleeping schedule and an overwhelming amount of tasks and responsibilities weighing over you.

but this week, it’s even worse. because this week, you had to face him again.

you still weren’t over the emotions that consumed you over the weekends, still feeling regret, melancholy and sorrow. and that showed in your academics. you had no energy to even talk, there’s no need to mention solving an equation at the board.

thanks to your good reputation, teachers decided to let you rest, that you needed. honestly, you wouldn’t have come to school, if not for the physics quiz, but there is one.

your friends—belle and gyuvin—seemed really worried, asking you numerous questions about your well being. you didn’t wanna explain, so you just said that you didn’t sleep well. an excuse that works all the time.

you felt bad for lying, but you felt that the moment his name will leave your lips, you would break down in tears, not wanting to embarrass yourself further, you saved yourself the trouble.

your look hasn’t changed at all when it was lunchtime. barely making your way to the cafeteria, dragging your legs across the floor. when you did arrive there, you felt overwhelmed, your mind clouded with scrabbled thoughts, and suddenly, it was getting harder to breathe.

trying to compose yourself, you get to your usual lunch table where everyone else were waiting. plumping yourself on the seat and greeting others, you pick on your food, having no appetite, even though you haven’t had breakfast in the morning.

all the words don’t make sense, whatever minju is telling you, it goes into one ear and leaves through the other, you can’t focus on anything.

the struggle to breathe came back. dropping your utensils, you grab your head, not being able to deal with all these noises. you could feel tears forming in your eyes, daring to roll down. the heartbeat went far away from normal.

this is not you, focus y/n

you try to tell yourself, but to no avail. you could feel like the control of your body slipped away from your grasp.

suddenly, there was a sharp sensation, someone is trying to wake you up, shaking you. its minju.

“y/n? y/n! Y/N?”

it is definitely her. her voice stands out from the crowd. you could finally see what’s happening around you, blurry, but good enough.

“follow me. inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale” minju repeated worryingly, imitating what she meant.

you did as she asked, inhale and exhale, and repeat.

feeling the warmth of the real world, you gasp, your hands quickly taking ahold of whatever first came into contact, which happened to be your best friend’s arms.

“y/n! are you alright? what happened?” all the eyes were on you, staring into your soul.

“i…don’t know, i juts lost myself for a second, i guess…”

“come with me, ill walk you to the nurses office” minju says and immediately brings you up, giving you no room to refuse.

having no choice, you follow her, hoping to get a little bit of silent time.

jungwon watched this unfold from few meters away.

the moment he saw you, tirelessly dragging yourself to your friends, he couldn’t tear away his gaze from you, not even the pain you brought stopped him. he just knew that something was wrong.

when the faint sound of chopsticks falling onto the table could be heart, he became tense, stopped eating himself.

the tears that formed at your eyes made his eyes widen, and his posture weird, like he wanted to stand up and come to you.

jungwon’s fingers twitched against the table, he couldn’t, he shouldn’t, but he wanted to.

while he was in the internal conflict, his body moved up on its own, but not making more moves, like testing his limits, if he can hold himself back.

but his mind was too slow. his own cousin was already helping you, trying to snap you back into reality. he could feel his chest tighten at the sight.

was it jealousy? was it sorrow? maybe both? jungwon didn’t know, only you were on his mind.

how he hates to see you in pain and how you pained him. the contrast was overwhelming, but before he could even decide what to do, you were walking away, in the arms of minju.

what was he supposed to do? was he supposed to do anything? questions filled his mind.

he didn’t even notice how he sat back, his mind being too clouded.

jungwon hopes he will have a chance to know if you’re well.

the moment you lied down on the bed in the nurses office —you fell into a deep slumber, having no worry in the world, it might have seemed like that, but it was actually the opposite. the overwhelming amount of things that clouded your mind made you pass out.

to be frank, the sleep was nice. but the sound of someone calling your name disturbed it.

and just like that, you were woken up and met with the face of your own mom.

she sweetly said: “sweetie, i’m here to pick you up. your homeroom teacher told me what happened. are you okay?”

“im fine now. what time is it?” you answer her, scratching your head, ignoring the mess that formed there.

she looked at her watch and looked back at you. “2:30, you won’t miss much, don’t worry”

“alright, should we go now?” you stand up on your feet, holding her hand.

your mother just nodded at you, saying goodbye to the nurse.

when she finished filling out the form, she took ahold of your shoulders, as to steady you.

“im alright mom, i wont fall”

“better be safe than sorry” she said softly, but worry was evident in her voice.

“if that makes you feel better”

as you both sat down in the car, the feeling of drowsiness appeared again. the drive to your house was not short, so you decided to sleep for a bit. your mind was clear as day, like it was washed, which is so unusual for you, especially in the past few days.

when you arrive at the house, you decided to check your phone, several messages appeared, some from social media, some from other stuff, and a lot from the specific group chat.

it was your friend group chat — and multiple messages made it clear that you made them worry a lot.

minju: y/n pls text when you’re feeling better :(

belle: yes! and don’t forget to drink lots of water and rest a bunch TT

taesan: belle is right, you should rest. don’t come to school tmrw

gyuvin: you made us worried bro 😭 don’t scare us like that the next time

smiling at their care, you quickly type a response.

you: sorry everyone! thank you for all the support, and i don’t think ill come tmrw either TT

you: im alright now tho, just gonna rest a lot lol

a few bubbles appear immediately, wishing you a good rest, and saying that you should take better care of yourself.

you reacted to their messages, silently promising that you will do as they said.

putting your phone on the charger, you change into more comfortable clothes and go back to your bed, ready to make up for missing sleep the past week.

tuesday, you, as promised, didn't show up. minju was glad that you let yourself rest, even if it’s just for a day. she was worried about you after all, it wasn't like you to have a panic attack in the middle of lunch.

it was boring though. usually, you’re the one who agrees with minju, the one who would listen to her. it’s not like the others won’t, but it just wasn’t the same.

“whatever,” minju thought. “at least i leave early today”

today was some kind of a family event at her house, her mom loved inviting guests over. jungwon will be there too. minju didn't feel anger as she usually does, talking with you helped a lot more than she thought.

after the fourth period, right before lunch, minju was already packing her bag. as she walked to the gates, she noticed a familiar figure waiting there.

“jungwon?” minju asked, when she was close enough.

the said boy turned around to face her, he didn't seem surprised though, like he was waiting for her.

“oh, hey. my mom will be here soon”

“huh? auntie is picking me up?” minju was surprised to hear that, as she wasn’t notified of this.

jungwon looked at her weirdly, raising one of his brows. “yea? pretty sure, your mom texted you about this.”

minju immediately checked her phone—taking it from her pocket—and jungwon was right. there was a message from her mother that minju will be picked up from school.

“oh.”

awkwardness filled the air; it was weird, the two of them got along just well, playfully bantering, but supporting each other when needed.

“are you alright? you seem pretty out of it” minju broke the silence, genuinely worried for his well-being.

“huh? oh yeah, just fine” he replied, his words trailing off into something barely audible.. “um,” jungwon hesitated.

“is y/n good…?” the question was asked impulsively, jungwon was surprised himself.

minju looked at him weirdly. “yes, she is. why do you care?” the previous awkwardness shifted into something more sharp and stern. friendliness slowly disappearing.

“i guess, i was worried. looked like she was having a hard time yesterday.” he didn't mind minju’s tone, like it was normal for her, which it kinda was.

their one-sided tension was interrupted by the sound of a car honk. it was jungwon’s mom.

“hey, you two! get in! we’re already late!”

the two teenagers looked in her direction and sprinted off to the vehicle. both of them got into the backseat, on the opposite sides. while minju was talking with her auntie, jungwon decided to wear his headphones and tune into his world of music.

when they arrived to park household, minju and miss yang went to the kitchen to help minju’s mom, while jungwon went upstairs to minju’s room.

“you can go to my room” he recalls her saying.

as he walks in, jungwon is met with a splash of sky blue. her bed is made, with different jellycats on top of it, near it, minju’s desk stands, different makeup tools and school stuff lay on it. but jungwon’s attention goes to the board above her desk. different polaroids and photobooth photos are there, but his gaze is fixed on only one.

three photos with you and minju. you look exactly the same as the day when he first met you. the same sweater, hairstyle and lipgloss.

jungwon’s eyes widened. he doesn't know why. he is aware that you’re best friends with his cousin, so why did his chest tighten?

he still likes you.

that’s right. he still does. even after you said that you gave to stop seeing each other, his feelings still lingered.

“hey jungwon, you should go downst-”

minju stopped in her tracks when she sees her cousin staring at her board with pictures. her eyes immediately landed on what he's staring at—those pictures.

“oh, yeah, lets g-” he didn’t have time to finish his sentence as the sudden door slam scared him.

“what’s up with you? first you ask about y/n, and now you’re staring at her photos? didn't i tell you to stop whatever you're planning?” annoyance was evident in minju’s voice. she hated the fact that jungwon looked like he cared about you, minju knew he didn’t, she hoped he didn’t.

jungwon's chest tightened, his hands formed fists as a habit whenever anyone raised their voice at him.

"what are you talking about?" his voice was quite, but sharp.

minju scoffed at his ignorance. “don't play dumb, jungwon. you know exactly what im talking about. its y/n”

his jaw clenched. the sound of her name felt like a hit in the ribs. “what? i can't ask if she’s okay now?” he tried to play it cool, he didn't want to show his vulnerability.

minju let out a dry laugh. “you don’t get to pretend like you care.”

jungwon couldn’t believe what was he hearing now, he can’t back down now, that’s for sure. “you think i was, am pretending this whole time?”

minju was stubborn, her knuckles turned white. “then explain, why did she stop talking to you, huh? if you truly cared for her, then she wouldn’t walk away, right?”

jungwon flinched. his heart rate picked up and his fingers curled tighter into his palms.

he has been asking himself the exact same thing.

he sharply exhaled, forcing his voice to stay steady. “how about you tell me?”

minju froze, her eyes widened, her hands relaxed.

her reaction wasn’t unnoticed by jungwon. that’s when the realization hit him.

“so it was you? you told her to do it” his gaze locked on hers—piercing, demanding to confess.

“yea, so? it was the best choice for her” minju snapped, but quickly quieted down, as she started to pick ner nails. nervousness took a hold of her.

jungwon let out another exhale. “you cannot be serious now” he took a step closer. “who are you to decide what’s best for her?”

minju was triggered, she was everything he wasn’t to you. “i am her best friend, who are you to decide that you’re the one who she needs?”

“are you calling yourself her best friend when you can’t even see and value her feelings?”

“I-” minju had no words. he was right, she made you stop talking with him out of her selfishness. she wanted to keep you for herself. she didn’t want jungwon to take you from her. she didn’t want that to happen again.

“yeah, exactly.” he looked at her for one last time before rushing to the front door. he needed some fresh air.

“jungwon? where are you going?” “to the shop, i'll be quick!”

minju could hear voices downstairs, she was completely frozen. she was slapped with realization that she had no right to decide what’s best for you. even if she just wanted you to be happy.

tears formed in her eyes, silently running down her cheeks. minju leaned against her door and plumped on the ground, sobbing inaudibly.

she can’t just do nothing now. she was proven wrong. she hurt two of her closest people. the guilt was eating her alive.

minju stood up and sprinted to the front door, shouting “i’ll be right back!” ignoring the yell from her mom, she had no time, she had to apologize to you.

it’s a 15 minute walk from her house to yours, but she made it in 7. she started ringing your doorbell, even when she was still catching her breath.

“minju? what’s up- what happened?” you opened the door just to be met with your best friend breathing profusely, her face slightly puffy. from the looks of it, she looks like she cried. “did you cry? are you alright?”

when minju calmed down and was able to breath properly, she looked at you straight into the eyes.

“y/n, i-i am sorry. i’m so sorry.” she started apologizing, for what? you had no idea.

your brows furrowed. “huh? minju, why are you apologizing?”

her hands clenched at her sides. she looked like she wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out.

you had never seen her like this before—so frustrated with herself, so shaken.

she swallowed hard, forcing herself to speak. “i’m so sorry y/n, it was me”

you were still dumbfounded. “what?”

minju’s voice cracked, but she kept going. “i was the one who made you stop talking with jungwon” she exhaled sharply. “i thought it would be for the best, but it wasn’t. i acted on impulse and because i was selfish. i thought if you and jungwon got close, you wouldn’t need me anymore. i didn’t want you to talk to him because of that, but i never asked you how you felt, and i guess you really like him, maybe i knew it the whole time, but didn’t want to indulge into the thought that i was in the wrong, but it doesn’t matter” she rambled before making a quick pause.

minju’s eyes were glistening again, her voice barely above whisper. “i hurt you both with my actions, and i want to apologize.” she wiped her eyes harshly.

minju took a deep breath and stepped closer, bowing almost 90 degrees. “i know i don’t deserve it-” her voice was raw with emotions. “can you forgive me?”

you listened to all her ramblings, trying to catch everything. and when you did, your mind went blank.

you had tried to justify what you did—tried to convince yourself it was for the best. but now, hearing minju say it out loud, admitting her mistakes, the truth weighed heavier than you had imagined. a moment of silence has passed before you broke it off.

“minju, i forgive you” you replied to her apology. “i understand how you felt, and i guess it was wrong to just randomly start talking with your relative.”

minju stood straight and grabbed your shoulders. “no! it was entirely my fault! i have no right of controlling who you decide to talk to.”

you placed your hands on her own. “i never knew you felt that way. i’m sorry for not noticing.” you bitterly smiled, feeling guilty.

minju hugged you, shuffling her head into your neck. you instinctively hugger her back, her tears dampening your shirt.

“come on, i’ll make you some tea”

you had spent an hour or two calming minju down.

she kept apologizing even after you told her you forgive her.

you listened to her worried and reasons behind her actions, and you never knew that she felt like this.

“you should confess to him, you know?” minju suddenly said, making you almost spit out your tea.

“huh? who said i liked him?” you looked around, like searching for the guilty one.

“it is pretty obvious. you never get flustered around anyone. the only time i remember was back in 8th grade.” she put her head into her head. “was his name jongseob, or something? you liked him a lot” minju reminded you of an old crush, which made you more embarrassed.

“ugh, stop, it’s embarrassing.” you lightly hit her. “i don’t think jungwon even wants to see me now. not after i said all that stuff to him.” tearing your gaze away from her, you looked around.

“you’re kidding. he literally asked me only about you today. ‘is y/n okay?’ ‘is she doing alright’ blah blah blah” she exaggerated even more by showing talking signs with her hands.

you quietly laughed at her antics. “i don’t know. i think he doesn’t want to see me”

“if there’s anyone he doesn’t want to see, it’s me, i promise you” she breathed out. “we got into a fight which resulted in me coming here.”

you looked at her with pity. “sorry, i guess, i am the reason behind it”

“stop. don’t blame yourself. it was all me.” minju looked at you sternly.

“sorry-“ you couldn’t hold yourself.

“stop apologizing! you should fix that habit of yours, it starts to get annoying”

you laughed lightly at her, almost apologizing again.

when minju came back home, everyone was gone. her place was filled with silence.

“oh, minju, where were you? you missed everything” her mothers voice filled the air.

“sorry, i had to do something urgent. has everyone left already?” she quickly made her way to the living room, where her dad was napping and her mom was watching the TV.

“yes, about half an hour ago. did you and jungwon had a fight? he looked pretty sad.”

“uh, yeah, it was my fault. i’ll apologize to him soon, don’t worry” minju felt guilty at the mention of her cousins name.

“i hope so, he looked miserable. you two always got along well too” her mom sighed, “go to sleep, you have school tomorrow”

“alright, good night” minju said as she went upstairs.

“good night!”

the next day, you didn’t have any trouble with breathing nor steadying yourself. you were just nervous. in the morning, minju pulled you aside, telling you that you need to confess to jungwon today.

after that, your focus was shifted to something else. how will he react after seeing you? to you confessing? will he reciprocate? will he reject you? all kinds of thoughts filled your mind up until lunch.

you wanted to look for him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. when you felt his presence near, you quietly turned your head to look at him, just to find him already looking at you.

kathump.

the feeling in your chest was back. your heart rate sped up again.

a light hit made you snap back, it was minju, she wore a teasing smile that literally said “i told you so”

your mind went back to that interaction the rest of the day. you couldn’t stop thinking about it. but when it was the time to talk to him, you were ready to go straight home.

you were scared. when minju noticed your hesitance, she slightly pushed you.

“your prince charming is waiting, look” she pointed at the direction where jungwon stood.

when you turned to look at your best friend, she was already leaving, mouthing you a good luck.

oh you needed it.

as minju disappeared from your view, you looked back at jungwon.

there he was. hands in pockets, standing tall.

you decided to take one step. and you already felt dizzy.

it’s okay. you can do it.

you quietly said to yourself. you swallowed hard. every step towards him felt heavier, like your legs didn’t want to move.

but you that you had to, that you wanted to.

as you were almost there, he looked at you. jungwon just stood there and watched your approach him. even though his hands were barely visible, you swear his fingers twitched—like he was holding himself back from walking to you.

you stoped in front of him.

silence.

the weight of everything crashed down at once .

“I-“ you started, but didn’t know how to finish. you just stared at him.

and he stared at you back. he blinked at you—his expression unreadable, but his eyes, they were curious, like they were searching for the reason you came up to him.

you turned your gaze to the ground below you, unable to stand under the pressure of his eyes. fingers finding the straps of your jacket.

“jungwon, i-“ you took a shaky breath, forcing yourself to look at him again. “i’m sorry.”

his face flickered with surprise. “for what?”

“for-“ your throat tightened like your grip on your jacket. “for pushing you away. for saying things i didn’t mean. for not asking how you feel. for-“

you exhaled.

“i miss you”

the words made their way out before you could stop them. your feelings summarized in three words. you just missed him.

jungwon froze.

he fixed his posture, continued to look at you, waited for you to continue.

your hands let go of your jacket and balled into fists. “i like you, jungwon” you made a slight pause. “i truly do, i don’t know how and when it started, but-“ you let out a shaky laugh, shaking your head.

“i just know because when i’m not around you, everything feels wrong”

jungwon was still staring, like a deer in headlights, but then, in a second—

his hands weren’t in his pockets anymore, they were on your face.

your breath hitched. you could feel the warmth, both from his hands and your fluster.

his fingertips, warm and gentle, carefully traced over your cheeks-like you weren’t real, like you could disappear in a millisecond.

his voice was barely audible. “are you serious?”

you nodded. “i am”

a small, breathless laugh escapes him.

and then-

he kissed you.

the warmth of his lips connected with yours.

your eyes widened, but you quickly adjusted, closing them, your hands made their way to his shoulders.

when his lips started moving, you couldn’t help but reciprocate. it just felt right.

you kissed each other just right. it felt wonderful.

the lack of air made you pull away first, but jungwon quickly kissed you again.

and when he did pull away, he smiled.

you saw the smile that you adored, the cutest dimples made their way back on his face.

jungwon hugged you, pulling you close by your waist. “i like you too,” he whispered into your ear. “i always wanted to say that.”

you hugged him back and lightly laughed. “so, can i be your girlfriend?” you asked him.

“i’d love that” jungwon replied, stuffing his head deeper into your hair.

you and your boyfriend lied in your room, enjoying each other’s company.

arctic monkeys’ ‘AM’ album playing in the background. and it’s all you could ever ask for.

“still can’t believe minju was the one who promoted you confess” jungwon suddenly said as he played with your hair.

“if it wasn’t for her, i’d never look at your direction again, honestly. you should thank her” looking back at him, you enlightened him.

“nah, we’re even.” he joked. “i’m glad she apologized tho, unexpected from her.”

“stop making her sound like a villain!” you hit him, but you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “she’s the one who made me go to that photobooth.”

jungwon held you tighter, kissing your cheek. “whatever, i have you now. the others don’t matter.”

at that you could only hum, closing your eyes.

as fluorescent adolescent—your favorite song—started playing, you drifted into slumber in your boyfriends arms.

[chaostudee]

max verstappen

summary : you are lando norris's younger sister and when you show up to the paddock to support him a certain driver for red bull falls for you. faceclaim : anna astrup warnings : language, suggestive content a/n : obsessed with this smmm <33

y/nusername happiest of birthdays to you baby brother ❤️

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen, charlesleclerc and 1,292,671 others.

landonorris i do not appreciate you publicly humiliating me like this

y/nusername ;)

user72 thank you y/n for giving us new lando pics !!

username12 im peeing at the last photo

f1fan no because wdym lando is 27?!?!

user123 no cause real istg he was like 20 yesterday tf

username89 my shaylah oooh my shaylah

user00 im scared

f1lover shdjdhdueb

user12 if my sibling ever embarrassed me like this i would acc like sob

user12 not lando with his 'putting up the middle finger' obsession 😭

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername on my way ✈️

liked by landonorris, kikagomes, lilymunihe and 372,992 others.

landonorris can't waitttt

user72 omggg y/n better come to the gp

username55 oh i just know she will eat her fits up

f1girl omggg her and alex better meet up !!

user35 girl how tf do u look this good on a plane i could neverrr

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername monaco ily

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, kikagomes, victoriaverstappen and 482,027 others.

user72 chat....is that....who i think it is

f1fan ik that side profile

user62 girl whattt we need the tea now

victoriaverstappen so so beautiful

f1girl f1 twitter is going crazyyyy

user62 imagine soft launching THE max verstappen

f1lover frrrr im so jelly

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername guess i'm a redbull girl now

liked by maxverstappen, landonorris, sergioperez and 724,729 others.

f1fan me because i can never decided which team to support

user72 crying because why is this the most relatable thing i've seen all day

user82 okay girl i see u

f1lover omggg pls tell me you're a max fan

user6 ive never wanted to be someone more

f1girl okay her and max are defo dating

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername alexa play winter things by ariana grande !

liked by maxverstappen, landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux and 371,610 others.

user62 max in the likes.....

f1fan ugh y/n's music taste is on top

username11 so aesthetic omggg

f1girl wait guys i swear max is gone skiing this weekend holy shit maybe they're together

user00 oh girl....u are delulu as fuckkk 💀

landonorris a little bit of credit would be nice

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername hehe

》 um what hard launch?!?!

》 DUDE

》 omgggg girl what

》 makes sense

》 max gets it

》 how does lando feel about this

》 isnt y/n like 22???

》 wait cause this is lowkey kinda crazy

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

maxverstappen my sweet girl

liked by y/nusername, landonorris, checoperez and 1,728,927 others.

landonorris cant lie this is weird asf but im happy for you both 💛

user82 awwww

username8199 chat this is acc so crazy

f1girl i loveeee

user00 savannah slow down-

charlesleclerc bro got rizz

oscarpiastri 😭😭

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername guess who's backkk 🤭🏁

liked by maxverstappen, landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux and 528,928 others.

landonorris not happy with this 🥲

y/nusername redbull is better

user72 yesssss y/n gets it

user92 DU DU DU MAX VERSTAPPEN

user62 redbull queen

f1fan y/n's a real one

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername 🌸

liked by maxverstappen, landonorris, maxfewtrell and 712,991 others.

user72 omds i love them both sm i cant

f1fan body is tea

username22 y/n is just living that life

f1fan4eva holy shitt is that a charli xcx reference🙈

username111 max's bicepsss ugh yes godd

f1girl omgg where did she get thar bikini im so obsessed

f1lover so so gorge omg girl teach me your ways

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

landonorris some quality time with big sis

liked by ynusername, oscarpiastri, yukitsunoda and 1,628,028 others.

user72 best sibling duo

f1fan im sry this summer break has felt like an ageeee i just want the cars back on track :,(

username55 comeback on lando.jpg 👀

user00 omggg plss

y/nusername ngl u lowkey ateee

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, maxverstappen and 527,310 others.

user82 nortrell forever ❤️

username82 y/n is so stunning omg

f1fan where is max??

y/nusername he's with his family

user728 did they break up 👀👀

f1girl omgg pls she doesnt have to post with him 24/7 to make u believe that they didnt break up

user00 fit devoured

f1lover ugh to be max

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

maxverstappen back at it 💪

liked by victoriaverstappen, nicohulkenberg, danielriccardo and 2,726,292 others.

user773 um where tf is y/n

f1fan oh they defo broke up.....she didnt even like it

user11 okay but it is hella weird that both lando and y/n are not in the likes

anon babes i fear it is not that deep

user00 ugh not all the fangirls in the comments

username13 omdss can we pls just seperate personal life from sport plsss

user236 max dominated this week

username666 frrr i know my goat 🐐

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

y/nusername life recently 💞

*replies have been turned off*

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

messages between max and lando

dude did u propose to y/n lando

shit yeah yeah i did..... max

im sry if you're pissed but i asked your dad and he was chill and like i'm in love with her and i want to spend the rest of my life with her max

im not mad max 😭😭 lando

you're not....... max

well i mean a little lando

mad that i wasn't in on the proposal lowkey lol lando

ah it was a kind of private thing max

its chill man just dont hurt her lando

never max

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

maxverstappen i promise i will love you forever

liked by landonorris, y/nusername, charlesleclerc and 3,929,772 others.

landonorris i will kill u if u dare hurt her 😈

user72 damn username88 yesss love me a man who stands on business f1fan im sry the emoji 💀 user72 that damn smirk

y/nusername this is just the start of forever <3

user62 sobbing.

f1girl this is my royal family

username72 omggg y/n verstappen

f1fan oh im counting down the days to this wedding fr

charlesleclerc bravo !!

taglist⭑.ᐟ

@lottalove4evelyn @sweetestgirlintown111 @mxryxmfooty @hadidsworld @llando4norris @heavy-vettel @love2readd @depressedriches @nichmeddar @seonghwaexile

[wendichester]

.ೃ࿔*:･ safety distance²,

summary. sammy's left for stanford and dean loves to play to overprotective older brother role

pairing. s1!stanford!dean winchester x reader genre. fluff ; college au

wordcount. 777

notes. was thinking of maybe doing a part 3? 👀

⋆.˚ ★— read part 1

The sun hangs low in the sky, warm and lazy, casting golden streaks over Stanford’s campus. The grass is cool beneath you, the scent of freshly cut blades lingering in the air. Your textbooks are open, notes sprawled across your lap, but you haven’t gotten through a single page in the last twenty minutes.

Because Dean Winchester is a menace.

He lounges beside you, one arm propped behind his head, the other tossing a small pebble up and down like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. His jacket is long discarded, sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and he’s got that same damn smirk on his lips—the one that tells you he knows exactly how distracting he is.

"Are you always this disruptive?" you ask, glancing at him over the edge of your book.

Dean lifts a brow, looking far too pleased with himself. "Disruptive? Sweetheart, I’d say I’m enhancing your study session."

You let out a dramatic sigh, flicking a piece of grass at him. "Yeah, sure. ‘Cause relentless teasing and completely derailing my focus is so helpful."

He grins. "Exactly. Studying is bad for your health. Stress levels, blood pressure—y’know, all that science stuff."

You shake your head, biting back a smile. He’s ridiculous. Infuriating. And yet… the warmth in your chest is impossible to ignore.

And Dean—well, he tells himself he’s still here because of Sam. That’s the whole reason he came to Palo Alto in the first place, right? To keep an eye on his kid brother. Make sure nothing supernatural was creeping in on Sam’s new life.

But if that were really true, then why is he here? Sitting next to you, watching the way the wind catches your hair, throwing out lame excuses just to hear you laugh?

He refuses to answer that question.

Instead, he reaches over and plucks your pen from your fingers, twirling it effortlessly.

"You’re impossible," you mutter, reaching for it.

Dean grins and holds it just out of reach. "Nah. Just charming."

Before you can retaliate, your phone buzzes between you. You glance down, and Dean watches as your expression softens. His easy smirk falters slightly when he catches the name on the screen.

Sammy.

Shit.

You pick up without hesitation, tucking the phone between your ear and shoulder. "Hey, you."

Dean watches, heart hammering as if he’s the one caught sneaking around. Which, technically, he is—but not in the way Sam would ever guess.

"Hey," Sam’s voice crackles through the speaker. "Where are you? I was gonna grab coffee before heading back to the dorm—figured I’d see if you wanted to meet up."

Dean’s stomach drops.

Oh, hell no.

Your brows lift slightly as you glance at your pile of books. "Yeah, I’m still on campus, actually. By the—"

Dean doesn’t even think before he moves. One second, he’s stretched out next to you, and the next, he’s sitting up so fast he nearly trips over his own damn boots.

Your head snaps toward him at his sudden movement. "Uh—" Dean clears his throat, scrambling for an excuse. "Crap, I, uh—I just remembered I gotta… take care of something."

Your brows furrow. "Right now?"

"Yeah, yeah, totally slipped my mind." He’s already standing, grabbing his jacket like it’s a lifeline.

You blink, confused. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, it’s fine," he assures quickly, waving a hand. Too quickly. Too unnatural. "Just—important… business."

You squint at him. "Business?"

"Yup. Very important. Super top-secret. You know how it is." He throws in a crooked grin for good measure, but he can feel the sweat beading at the back of his neck.

Sam’s voice on the phone reminds you of his presence. "Who’s that?"

Dean freezes.

You glance at him, confused, before turning back to the call. "Oh, just—"

"Just a guy," Dean blurts before you can say his name.

Your eyes narrow. "What—"

"Okay, gotta go! Have fun with, uh, studying! Or Sam! Or whatever you end up doing!"

And with that, Dean bolts.

He doesn’t look back, doesn’t pause, just shoves his hands in his pockets and beelines it toward the parking lot like he’s got hellhounds on his heels.

By the time he reaches the Impala, heart still hammering from the ridiculous close call, he watches from a distance as you gather your books, phone still pressed to your ear, completely oblivious to his panic.

And then Sam appears, his familiar tall frame moving toward you with that easy, clueless smile.

Dean slumps against the hood of his car, exhaling hard.

Close. Too close.

He tells himself it won’t happen again. That this was just a one-time thing.

But deep down, he knows better.

ꔛ. navigation 𓂃˖ ࣪ all drabbles ; compatibility readings ; support my work .ᐟ

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[ghostieboy28]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

one of my friends probably

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my friends on sunday

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i'd like to think so?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i think so yeah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

kind people? idk

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

no but i wish smh

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

nobody smh #lonelycore #ihavefriendsiswear

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

depends on with who

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friends or my counsellor

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

‘fire sex song’

12. What are your 5 favourite songs right now?

toothache - james marriott

i dont want to live like this - james marriott

 undone (ep version) - station six

rhiannon - fleetwood mac 

i just learned the f word - SARIAH.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i guess so

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

no but i believe good things can always happen

15. What good thing happened this summer?

road trip w friends

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

maybe? idk

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

absolutely, maybe not in this galaxy but the next.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

my first real crush yes

19. Do you like bubble baths?

absolutely

20. Do you like your neighbours?

theyre fine? idk

21. What are your bad habits?

phone usage, messy room, and being a dick.

22. Where would you like to travel?

everywhere but especially europe (italy, france, spain, england, germany) and america (for the food)

23. Do you have trust issues?

i dont think so

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all of them

26. What do you do when you wake up?

try to not go back to sleep

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

no, i like my skin tone

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

maybe one day if my partner wanted to, otherwise no to save money- marriage is just a title not a declaration of love.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

a very small stubby one maybe

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

none of them! 😭

33. Spell your name with your chin.

jnzasx;pedrtf5

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

basketball and tennis

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

all the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

‘so, the economy, huh?’

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone kind and funny

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

countdown and second hand shops (alone or w friends)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

not sure- maybe a drama teacher, a y1/2/kindergarten teacher or a counsellor

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yeah absolutely

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im never really quiet

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah a lot i think

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

as much as i love the ocean i'm also terrified of it so space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the thought of seeing my friends

46. What are you paranoid about?

loved ones dying or being kidnapped

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

haven't we all?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

yes, a man

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

become a man

53. Favourite makeup brand?

don't have one

54. Favourite store?

didn't you ask me this before

55. Favourite blog?

dont have one

56. Favourite colour?

deep green

57. Favourite food?

butter chicken or hard shell tacos or cookies

58. Last thing you ate?

cake

59. First thing you ate this morning?

cornflakes 

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i won a diversity award out of my year group if that counts as an award?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nopee

62. Been arrested? For what?

no 😔

63. Ever been in love?

i think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

HAH no

65. Are you hungry right now?

always!

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tumblr friends basically are my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

.. neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no i'm writing these stupid answers

70. Names of your bestfriends?

all of them? no way jose

71. Craving something? What?

love

72. What colour are your towels?

lots of different colours- the one i'm using now is dark blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2!

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yup- six of them, bacon the stingray, patches the cat, no name the sock cat, edgar the reindeer with a christmas hat (yes it is march), tsuno the sock frog, and no name the sock monkey

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 15 maybe scattered throughout my room? i can see 11 right now

75. Favourite animal?

elephants stingrays whales and frogs

76. What colour is your underwear?

i am NOT telling you that

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

dark purpley black (pj pants okay)

81. Favourite tv show?

the rookie or tetro pink

82. Favourite movie?

heathers the musical? if a jack whitehall comedy special counts then that?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls tf is jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

idfk maybe karen?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory my bbg

87. First person you talked to today?

my mum

88. Last person you talked to today?

my dad

89. Name a person you hate?

idfk hitler??? 😭

90. Name a person you love?

most people

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

no not really

92. In a fight with someone?

newp

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2 pairs

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

only 3, aka not enough

95. Last movie you watched?

maybe all of those voices?

96. Favourite actress?

emma stone is very good i liked her in cruella

97. Favourite actor?

dont really have one maybe ryan reynolds?

98. Do you tan a lot?

nopee

99. Have any pets?

a cat!! her name is fifi

100. How are you feeling?

like this is a waste of time

101. Do you type fast?

not really

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

lots of things- it would be weird not to itk

103. Can you spell well?

pretty well- i say after i just wrote ‘wep’ instead of well

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

my nan

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

new years eve one w family friends when i was like 7

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i hope not

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

nope

108. What should you be doing?

sleeping smh

109. Is something irritating you right now?

my arm hurts and my leg is itchy but thats it

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

FREQUENTLY

111. Do you have trust issues?

itk you asked this before too

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probably my friends when watching a sad as shit movie

113. What was your childhood nickname?

i am NOT giving you that its awful

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

been to bali so yep

115. Do you play the Wii?

nope

116. Are you listening to music right now?

nah im locked in

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

absolutely not

118. Do you like Chinese food?

some of it im a bit picky tho

119. Favourite book?

the many half lived lives of sam sylvester

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

very

121. Are you mean?

jokingly mean but mean regardless

122. Is cheating ever okay?

on a partner? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

personally no but its a thing you can do

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

hah yes

125. Do you believe in true love?

kind of?

126. Are you currently bored?

always

127. What makes you happy?

people

128. Would you change your name?

already have

129. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

130. Do you like subway?

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

tell her i don't like her back sorry?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

im [pretty sure you asked this too

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

‘theyll tell you that youre special just enough to keep you boring’

134. Can you count to one million?

if i tried yeah

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

that i can count to 1 million

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

open dark scare

137. How tall are you?

5’11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

winter

141. Night or Day?

day

142. Favourite month?

november/december

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk duh i have taste

145. Tea or Coffee?

neither

146. Was today a good day?

average

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

sometimes

150. Get the closet book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

‘He’s singing “space oddity”. billy’s favourite song.’

yes i am this bored yes i will be going to sleep now. maybe.

150 questions - You must be curious about one of these things!

[canonkiller]

So the good news is the surgery recovery is going great. The bad news is it doesn't seem like that was the reason for the unbelievably painful fluid build up. The next guess for that is that it's nutritional - that after compensating as long as it could for my deficiencies, something in my body gave out - and it's looking like it'll be another, potentially much longer hospital stay so that they can IV what I need and keep draining the fluid until it stops coming back.

After the five-almost-six months of new and inventive agonies, any solution seems like it'll be a pretty good deal, but obviously this also means more time where I can't do shit, especially art, which is my work. (I can fantasize that this treatment attempt will help my vision problems too, but I'm not holding my breath.) At the moment, the fluid returns to a bedbinding amount a few days after each drain, which impedes most parts of existing.

And now I e-beg: While I can't put out new stuff right now, if you'd like to support me and get fun stuff from the past or accumulate credit for stuff in the future, and in turn give my finances a leg up so I'm less of a burden on the household (I have required a lot of attentive care in the past months), here's some options:

If you like characters, I've got designs for sale on Toyhouse - I'm open to offers on anything made by just me (meaning, not the collabs), so if you usually wouldn't have the budget, now's your chance!

If you like bases, I've got a ton for sale on Ko-fi and even more of my older ones available to multiple subscription tiers, also on Ko-fi.

If you want to start saving up for a future commission, the Ko-fi tiers also store that! It's an unofficial bonus while I'm out of commission (ha), but any amount paid while I'm not actively drawing will be noted down as credit for when I can draw again.

If you just want to throw a donation my way because you think I'm neat, that's also an option on Ko-fi!

I'm really hoping this cause is the right one and that dealing with it will actually start to fix things, because god I miss drawing so fucking much, and I really appreciate the patience and support I've gotten through it all this far. Been a hell of a rollercoaster. As always, stay safe, love you.

[treefish815]

I've talked about this a lot on other sites, but as a queer man and OG fan of Kingdom Come Deliverance, I really want to talk about the canonisation of Hansry in KCD2 and just how healing it was for me as someone who escaped through this game and the ship hard as a young teenager.

Look, I just need to put out into the world how much it meant/means to me, and I think of all places, Tumblr will probably appreciate it the most. I also just kinda want to write it for myself because I've never written ALL of this out and it's something I've been thinking about for nearly 2 months now, so it's a little long, which is why it's under the cut.

So, I've been playing KCD pretty much since it released, which was when I was about 12. Living in a conservative area as an effeminate, sensitive, very obviously and loudly queer little boy, at around the age of 11 or 12 I reached a point in growing up when I think the people around me realised it wasn't just a weird little kid phase, and that I really was a faggot, and, as I'm sure you could guess, I suffered a significant amount of bullying over the next 3 years.

But, as silly as I feel saying this, KCD was an escape from that for me. I was miserable in my own life, so, between the ages of 12-15, I threw hundreds of hours into KCD1 dedicating myself to Henry's life instead. And I think there 2 big reasons why I latched onto that game in particular over others- the world was so immersive and beautiful that it was easy to get lost in it, and Henry and Hans's relationship. (It's also just a great game- but there are dozens of great games that I played in that time that never quite captivated me in the same way).

Putting aside the fact I had a fat crush on Hans, his and Henry's relationship was something I always looked forward to watching the development of every playthrough, and I would often spend a good chunk of my playthrough not actually advancing the main quest to instead make up (usually very angsty) little scenarios where their relationship evolved into something more. I'd follow Hans around Rattay and pretend he and Henry were secretly in love but could never show it, lest they be beaten and ostracised, or have conversations to myself while sitting with Theresa where I would imply that Henry had to be with her for his own safety or to distract himself from Hans, that type of thing. Considering I never thought to write KCD fanfiction until this year, I would've had a LOT of material if I'd started then, but I digress.

My point is that Hansry was something that, in a way, I think I used to cope with the homophobia I was facing. They were characters who lived in a time where they could never openly love each other, Henry was a character who could stand up for a queer monk who was being ostracised in the monastery when no one else would, Hans was a character who put on an act of arrogance and "I don't give a fuck" that we can see in more serious end-game moments isn't 100% true to his personality much as I did at a younger age to pretend what was happening to me didn't bother me, and I just... connected so strongly with them.

I've been waiting for KCD2 for 7 years. In those 7 years, I always wistfully hoped for there to be a possible Hansry path to go down, but never in a million years did I think it would ever actually happen. I'd been to KCD Twitter. I'd been to KCD YouTube. I knew the anti-woke and by extension mildly homophobic section of the fandom was far larger than I'd have liked it to be, so as much as I yearned, I knew in the bottom of my heart that Hansry would forever just be a silly little daydream of mine.

But, that brings me to 2025. I'm nearly 19, I've been living in arguably the most progressive and queer-friendly city in my entire country for 3 years, I'm openly queer and haven't heard a negative thing about it since I left my hometown, I'm happier than I've ever been and have almost no anxiety in my day to day life, and I cried for a good few hours when I watched the Hansry romance scene for the first time.

I'd seen a spoiler that Hans was the main male love interest a few days earlier, and that had WORRIED me. I thought either 1. it would be a drunk fuck that was played entirely for laughs and that ultimately meant nothing or 2. it would be a tragic story that no matter what you did, could only end badly as an attempt to uphold historical accuracy (which... could be done well, but I thought it would probably be hard for me to play through and could spark its own form of homophobia in the fandom wherein people specifically had that outcome happen to stick it to the gays, or whatever. I'd seen someone on Steam complaining that Hans was the male LI because it meant he couldn't kill him and "protect Henry from the potential of sinning" and it really stuck with me.)

Holy hell was I wrong. Daniel Vavra, you may be kind of a cunt on Twitter, but I will sit back and let you cook from now on before I make a judgement.

I cannot tell you what an incredible feeling it was to see those two characters, who I escaped through and who I adored with my whole heart not only both canonically be bisexual, just like me, but also actually have a loving, and intimate romance scene (seeing the intimate naked making out when I'd been so afraid of a drunk, no strings attached fuck was such a strange feeling of relief) after 7 years of desperately wanting that even while knowing there was no way Warhorse would ever go through with it considering their target audience. That alone would have made my year, even if they did have an unavoidable tragic ending no matter how hard Henry tried to salvage it.

But there was another thing about their romance that really really stood out to me, and that was so unbelievably healing. Their romance is generally... quite happy. They never experience homophobia first hand. They never go through the whole "it's a sin... we should stop seeing each other..." rigmarole. They're never found out and outed to the wrong people who try to tear them apart.

Sure, Hans is engaged to a woman against his will, but as a noble, that was always a strong possibility regardless of whether the person who truly has his heart is a blacksmith's son or a butcher's daughter. And it's never even a suggestion that his marriage would end his and Henry's relationship- Hans's angsting over the marriage comes more from the fact it's out of his control and will give him less freedoms than he currently has. And yes, their story is filled to the brim with angsty moments, and so much death or near death, but that's completely separate to their love story- they suffer just as much if they're best friends as they do if they're lovers. The queerness is not the angst, the war they happen to be living through the beginnings of is the angst.

Henry and Hans are two men, in love in a time when they could never openly be together, in a time when most people around them would object to them being happy together and living true to themselves, and yet they have a happy love story anyway. And, as silly as it sounds, I don't care, I'm going to say it anyway- that positive portrayal of their love felt like telling my 12 year old self that everything would be okay, and he wasn't doomed to be miserable for the rest of his life. Because if those characters he identified so strongly with could be happy in their queerness when living in arguably worse circumstances to be queer, why couldn't he? As much as I processed the trauma of the bullying I was going through through angsty plotlines involving Henry and Hans, and as much as I'm an angst lover period, that... that healed me. It was like hugging my younger self.

As much as KCD is just a game and Hansry is just a gay ship, it's always been something that means so much to me, and this silly little video game romance made me realise just how far I've come and how different things are for me, while simultaneously comforting that past version of myself who still lives deep inside me somewhere. I feel him less now than I did in January 2025, and that's insane.

"No one asked for this!" the snowflake conservatives cried on the steam discussion boards in their 1 star reviews of a game they boycotted and never bought. The 12 year old boy who processed and coped with traumatic homophobic experiences through those characters did.

Representation does matter, and always will.

[blorbocedes]

Lando is on top of the world, lounging on AirMax, heading into summer break as the championship leader.

The team had hoped he'd be leading the championship by a clear margin by now, allowing them to institute a 1-2 and bring home both the championships. But Oscar was still close enough that that made it insulting, to play second driver when you're one DNF away from leading the championship yourself. Lando was fine challenging Oscar on merit, and he'd done so far, innit?

Although the way the media spun it... let's just say he's glad the focus is on Max potentially leaving RedBull now, after he was spotted speaking with Toto in Mercedes hospitality.

The RedBull's kind of been a shit show. Max has been clawing at that distant P3 but only barely, and the behind the scenes internal drama, the struggling second seat -- he does not envy Max getting grilled about that every weekend.

"So, is it true?" Lando asks, raising an eyebrow. "You and Toto sitting on a tree?"

Max sips on his gin&tonic, with an air of 'you know I can't say that.'

"Come onnnn," Lando persists. Max hands him his drink and he takes a huge gulp, washing out the champagne flavour from his mouth.

Max turns to him, completely serious. He picks his words carefully. "Sometimes you can spend your whole life with a team, right? And the partnership is good. But if they do something that makes it intolerable, it's better to walk out. If they break your trust."

Lando nods quickly, taken aback by Max's seriousness. Things internally at RedBull must be worse than reported. "Course. You can be loyal to a team but you're also a driver at the end of the day, you have weigh your options and your future." Max is father now, after all, which is still surreal to think about. His lockscreen is the baby girl.

Max softens. "First one's always the best. Enjoy it, Lando. I know I did."

"It's not over til it's over." Lando says, but crosses his fingers.

What hurt the most is that it really was out of the blue for him. He'd never ever ever expect it.

Zak pulling him aside, telling him they're willing to pay out his whole contract and then more. That he'll always be a part of the papaya family. Their first world champion after Lewis in 08.

It was an out of body experience, like wading through water, the words washing over him. He kept repeating, "I don't understand."

"Kid, it was out of my hands. Once it was official Verstappen showed interest, I had to report it to the board -- and Bahrain." Zak tried to soften the blow, hiding that he had been the one aggressively courting Max. Showing him confidential information of their projections of the new car.

None of it made sense. Lando's entire world was coming to a crash. The 2026 car was a gamble, they and Mercedes were neck and neck, they were powered by them after all, but '27 was supposed to return to form for McLaren with the new regulations.

"Believe me, you and Oscar were the dream pairing." Zak always emphasized the R in Oscar in his harsh American accent.

"Oscar." Lando said faintly. Oscar who came second to him, who he beat all 3 years they've been teammates. Why? Why him? Hadn't he proven himself, hadn't he won the title, hadn't he been with the team through fucking everything when the car barely worked? Andrea's comment vaguely echoes in his head, Lando is our present, Oscar is our future.

"You don't put two big dogs in the same team. You're a big dog now, Lan." Zak had his hand on Lando's shoulder like that was supposed to make it better. Lando is McLaren's World Champion and they still chose Max Verstappen.

"Why?" Why kicking him out and not Oscar — it's an unfair thought but he was better. There's a searing, heavy, visceral pain in his chest making it heart to breathe.

"Their reasoning was --" Zak hesitates, "It would've been a McLaren driver winning this year either way. But we don't know how 26 is gonna pan out just yet. And, I guess they were really impressed with how Max won it in '24 when that wasn't the best car, so when he came knocking..."

Zak said more words after that but it all got tuned out. After that his lawyers handled the rest. When the news dropped of Verstappen and McLaren after the season ended, Lando turned his phone off, packed his bags, and headed to Finland with Max Fewtrell.

The 'no thanks' to RedBull was easy. He had no interest in going to Milton Keynes and seeing Max's face, his trophies, his legacy everywhere.

He didn't even ask who he was replacing when the offer from Ferrari came. It's racing, after all.

[al-n-cartoons]

As a Ben 10 fan who watched two main characters' personalities go up in flames because of “”””romance””””, I think I can explain this one. (I'm aware you spoke in jest, but this is a drum I will never stop banging.)

Okay! So! You know what a crush is? You know what a crush is.

My answer is attraction preceding interaction, and that attraction (normally sexual or romantic but occasionally platonic) is what causes the characters to want to engage. How they view each other doesn’t matter at all, whether or not they're in any way compatible doesn’t. Matter. At all. Most characters this applies to will bend over backwards or change what they claim to believe so as to maintain access to the source of their attraction, full stop.

In Ben 10 Alien Force, Gwen originally had a mutually supporting relationship (platonic, I feel like I shouldn’t have to point that out) with her cousin, whom she'd been raised alongside. A few episodes in and she's effectively disengaged from that relationship in favour of someone who repeatedly puts herself and those around her at risk. Their values do not match, their communication doesn’t match, he routinely berates and bullies the main person he knows from her life directly in front of her, but they ignore all of that because they think eachother's hot.

At one point Kevin steals the mobile home of her missing grandfather and she automatically assumes he has good intentions in spite of the fact that he has a recent and substantiated history of betraying her.

I guess my answer to the question of ‘what happens when two characters have little to no grounds for a relationship other than infatuation’ is that they either minimize their interactions while maintaining access, or they find an outlet for frustrations. In Gwen and Kevin's case, they mostly see eachother for work (patrols/fighting) and Ben is Kevin's outlet for his frustrations.

If you want an example of an… interesting contrast, take a gander at Omniverse's pairing of Ben and Kai, in which Ben arguably has no interest in his prospective romantic partner but everyone else in their lives continuously tries to force them together, effectively acting as the narrative saying “And now, they love each other :))))))”. The result of this is that the two are always at eachother's throats and are utterly vehement.

It has been posited that Ben just likes to fight, but we've seen him with previous romantic partners (Julie and the wheelchaired piano player) and know his take on relationships is a lot quieter and understated.

A counterargument could be his brief relationship with Rex, which started out incredibly adversarial, but the two weren’t on friendly terms at that point and, when they eventually came to see eachother more positively, shared only a few mild jests at best. This would serve as a case where two people did not have the narrative say “They love each other” and instead they found common ground (hobbies, values, life experiences) which they then took as a cause for friendship.

Summary: Using ‘romance’ as a substitute for character work sucks. If you're going to have infatuation play a role, regardless of what kind of relationship it is, it would be best to keep in mind the consequences of such a relationship.

a lot of stories treat romance like it makes the relationship between two characters self explanatory and to be honest it doesn’t

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

One of your posts popped out on my feed, and I've spent a couple hours now scrolling through your page here and there, and I have some thoughts.

First of all, I can tell that you put so much effort into each post you write, and I commend you for that! It's so cool!

Secondly, this going to be super long, I started writing and the words kept flowing, sorry! Feel free to ignore if it's too much. English is not my first language (Japanese & Korean are), so I apologize for any mistakes!

Please, don't take the following as an attack on you, I just want to state my observations, you aren't obliged to reply, and I tried to be as respectful as possible.

I recall you mentioning in one post that you try to be as 'objective' as possible when you answer questions and write posts, but personally, when it comes to a certain character, you are anything but.

And that character is Malleus.

I'm not even a fan of him, I'm pretty neutral, I think he has so much potential to be an interesting character, but he has been consistently done dirty by the writers, especially in his own book, and this seems to be the general consensus among people who aren't hardcore fans of his, and you seem to be to one of them.

Each time you mention Malleus in one of your posts (posts that pertain to other characters, and have almost little/nothing to do with him) I could tell that something was 'off', from the very first moment, I could tell that you viewed him negatively. I can tell you try to word things as neutrally as you can, but your dislike of him just oozes through, I guess. Lmao.

And lo & behold! I saw a post where you mentioned that you DO dislike him, and I was 'Yeah, I could tell'. I have no problem with people disliking him, as I said, I'm neutral, and people are entitled to their opinions.

But then you mentioned that you try to be objective whenever you answer questions, and I was like 'What? So that was you being objective?!' And then you said Leona was one of your faves...and yeah, you don't say! (Leona is my top 4 favorite, BTW)

There's you very SEVERELY minimizing his popularity in Japan. From my observations, it seems Malleus is the most popular character overseas & the most well-liked in general. Here in Japan, he isn't the first, but he is definitely one of the most popular, the only ones I'd pit above him are: Octavinelle, Idia, Skully, Leona. He ranks fairly high in polls & is spoken about very fondly, and is rarely criticized. You bringing up the topic of popularity just seems like a way for you to 'justify' & 'validate' your dislike of him, when he's universally loved. People like you & me (people who are neutral on him or dislike him) are pretty rare, whether it's in Japan or overseas. No matter how much you try to spin it, the tastes of fans across the two servers are very close, for example: Jack, Ortho, Grim, Epel, and Crowley are unpopular amongst both fandoms, Vil & the Scarabia duo are decently popular amongst both fandoms. Malleus has been steadily growing in popularity with the releases of Book 7, and I expect him to really raise in the ranks.

It's very obvious you hate Malleus, and your takes on him are fuelled by that hate, especially some of your takes on the ending of Book 7. You don't give him any grace, you are ESPECIALLY hard on him compared to the other characters, and frankly, you demand too much from him, as a person and as a character.

Even when the writers themselves made sure to let it be known that no injuries were caused, no lasting damage (which I personally thought was pretty obvious, but figured the writers had to get that one out for people like you, who convinced themselves he was more dangerous than he was) you still insist on it being false.

Out of all the other overblotters, Malleus had the most severe consequences, both physically (as he's now handicapped) and mentally (just because Lilia is now alive doesn't change that Malleus KILLED HIM, which is pretty different than Idia's situation, and bound to leave some PTSD). Leona caused way more injuries and girth way more people, even tried to kill Ruggie, and he didn't even have the excuse of being in a state of overblot, he did all that fully conscious, fully aware. He intentionally hurt people, but he's instantly forgiven & immediately he's back to his normal everyday life, forgiven. In contrast, Malleus hurt no one (except Lilia), never intended to harm (and intent DOES matter), all of this makes paints him in more favorable light compared to Leona (and Vil, who also tried to murder someone intentionally before he overblotted) It just seems like you WANT the narrative to justify your hatred of Malleus, you intentionally try to interpret & look at him and his actions from the worst perspective possible, in the most contrived way.

Even when most of the supposed 'victims' themselves have made an entire club based on how happy the dream world made them (which was Malleus's intention all along), and how much they miss it (in a scene presented as a comedic moment, intended to hammer the fact that Malleus truly hurt no one) you twist the scene into it being 'cult-like'?

The narrative isn't bending over backwards to make the situation seem more lighthearted than it was, it isn't retconning anything, the narrative is simply confirming what has already been implied (and what I thought was plainly obvious) for the sake of making things clear for people who would insist that the situation was worse than it was.

Why the surprise over no one being injured? Malleus has simply put people into sleep! Why would they be injured? They aren't in distress, and are content in their dreamworld. The only danger has always been it eventually taking over the world, and the people atrophying without the sustenance.

Why the surprise that he was allowed back in school? Why would the others be given a second chance & not Malleus? Even Crowley points that blatant hypocrisy out. If everyone turned out healthy & sound after the ordeal, all the damage has been repaired, & sincere apologies & compensations were provided, & there no long-lasting damage, then why should Malleus keep suffering?

Why the surprise that the students immediately forgave him? Physically no-one was harmed. Emotionally he didn't intend to hurt them, and the vast majority of them were happy in the dreamworld. Silver explained to them why Malleus did what he did, and they were all smart enough to understand his motives & intent, and wanted to stop him. The main characters got their lickback & the anger out of their systems by fighting him & weakening him, so they don't have a reason to be angry anymore. A running theme has always been NRC students being extraordinary difficult, they're all aware of it, and if anything, thsy find it amusing.

Twisted Wonderland has always been about second chances, learning from one's mistakes, applying the lesson one learned, and doing better. All the other students were given a second chance and proved themselves, why do you so vehemently abhor that for Malleus?

Malleus was misguided, but his actions were not out of malice (like Leona, Vil, Azul, Riddle), they were out of love & genuine desire to help people, and since he's a child who's never been taught proper emotional regulation and social behavior, he went about it in the most childish & simple way possible.

It just seems like you WANT Malleus to be punished, you want him to suffer. Him being maimed & handicapped for centuries isn't enough, you want more punishment for him. Him living in isolation & loneliness for almost 200 years, and being feared & avoided by his peers isn't enough, you also want him to be hated by them & isolated even more severely than before, you want him to be labelled a monster. Him having to live with the fact he killed his father isn't enough, you also want his father to have stayed dead, and for Malleus to wallow in his grief, pain, self-hatred for eternity (which includes a forever broken & unrepairable relationship with the only other 2 people who loved him).

And don't even get me started with you implying he hasn't shown enough guilt, because when has Leona? When has Azul?

It seems you don't Malleus to get a second chance, you don't want him learning from his mistakes & given a chance to do better, you don't want fairness, you just want him punished, hurt, and suffering.

I probably wouldn't have had much of an issue had you not stated your goal of being 'objective'. It's obvious you want & expect the worst out of him.

ご質問ありがとうございます！ 最初は丁寧にご意見を述べてくださいましたが、途中で感情的になってしまったのでしょうか。 誤解を与えてしまったようで、この回答で説明いたします。

From my understanding, you seem to take issue with my usage of a particular word, "objective". I'm not sure which posts you happened to see (as there are admittedly a lot of them on this blog), but assuming that this was one of the #feedback for the writing raven posts, it's not a claim I make very often. It's typically something I hear from readers, such as in this post, this post, and this post, which are all examples from the last year. In the final example I linked, I do mention my goal in being objective, but I also state that 1) it's impossible to eliminate all bias and 2) there's a difference between minimizing my bias for the sake of analysis and allowing myself to freely criticize a character or writing based on my opinions. I will never be 100% free of bias, especially on posts where I am sharing my opinion. I don't claim to be perfectly objective in all instances, I just try to give every character a chance since they all have the potential to evolve, especially in a live service game like Twst. Some of the characters I love today are ones I loathed at launch (ie Leona), and some of the characters that are my most loathed today are the ones I loved at launch (ie Azul). By that logic, there's no reason why Malleus can't have a similar shift.

Again, I don't know what posts you looked at to form your view of how I see Malleus--but honestly, I guess I'm just confused as to how you reached the conclusion that you did. At this point, I don't think it's a secret that I dislike him (I sometimes bring it up to give context to what I'm about to say), but I also don't think I've ever expressed outright hatred. Hatred implies an unwillingness to see his positive traits and potential for growth, and I don't think that describes how I discuss him at all (a sentiment which I believe is shared by my readers). I do sound exasperated in some critique, yes, but it doesn't come from a place of malice. I don't think there's a purpose in getting needlessly mad about a fictional character. Malleus Draconia doesn't exist and doesn't impact my life outside of the moments when I engage with fandom.

My exasperation with him comes from a place of... I guess you'd call it disappointment??? Like, he has potential to be an interesting character, but the writing that's currently there (in my opinion) doesn't support him very well and keeps squandering that potential. I want him to be better and develop as a character (as I feel he has various flaws that aren't properly addressed), but I keep being let down time and time again. It leads to me sometimes sounding frustrated when I speak about him, because it feels like the narrative is holding his character hostage until maybe post-book 7. This is especially the case because Malleus's writing has this consistent issue where he is granted opportunities to learn and grow (and even social support from Lilia and other peers), but ultimately doesn't. This isn't true for other characters, who are given moments of character development in vignettes or event stories, even if in just small ways like Idia pushing himself to drum in public or Deuce doing his best to be an honors student.

I'm not sure where the claim that I "severely minimize" his popularity in Japan comes from?? If I mention popularity at all, it's usually to compare between EN and JP. In EN polls, Malleus consistently places #1, but doesn't reach those same heights in JP. The highest placement I've seen for Malleus in JP polls is around 7th place (which is still quite commendable!). This is also the case when you consider that Malleus x Yuu is the most popular self-insert category on AO3 (largely EN), but only has a fraction of the posts as the most popular yume'd character, Floyd, on Pixiv (largely JP). His spike in popularity is also more of a recent phenomenon, I believe coinciding with book 7 which fleshes out his character a lot more. Coincidentally, this also seems to have boosted his yumejoshi ranking in JP, as he appeared in the 2024 and 2023 lists (book 7 was actively releasing in these years). I even mentioned Malleus's bump in popularity in recent posts, such as here and here.

I'm by no means downplaying Malleus's popularity, and I never claimed that the tastes of JP and non-JP fans are vastly different 💦 I only comment on major differences I noticed, such as how Trey is much more popular to yume in the JP fandom than he is in the EN fandom. I make note of things like this because I find it interesting that we can all be fans of the same content, but also interpret that content in vastly different ways. I don't do it to "justify and validate" my own feelings about Malleus. (This also applies to the claim that I want canon to "justify and validate" me; I don't, I'm perfectly content with my own views and think it would be boring if canon always agreed with me.) I have expressed time and time again that I do not care how other people choose to engage with their media; that's their business, not mine, and to encroach on that or to disrupt the fun that someone else is having would be extremely invasive and rude. There's nothing to be gained in trying to get "justification and validation" from external sources, whether that's canon or what other fans think, because it's always going to be a fruitless effort if there's no internal satisfaction, but that's a whole separate can of worms.

Regarding the ending of book 7, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you may be sourcing many of my opinions of it from this summary post. As I mention in the opening disclaimer, everything contained in that post are my initial thoughts on the events that unfold. They in no way reflect all of my thoughts, just the very emotional and on-the-spot reactions I had directly after reading the last bits. I think you may be conflating my recent critique of book 7 with hating Malleus?? I have said that I think breaking his horn was extreme and that I sympathize with him for that; there were other ways to power cap him without having to do something that drastic. I never denied that Malleus might be harboring complicated feelings after killing Lilia (I actually acknowledge it as a possibility), but the writing of book 7 certainly fails to communicate this to us. (It's also something past OBs like Riddle, Leona, and Vil, fail to express, so this may just be a quirk of Twst writing.) As I said before, many other characters were let off with a slap on the wrist and not made to fully account for what they did, and I'm not necessarily satisfied with those either.

When I say "intent doesn't matter", it's only in relation to the results. Saying "I did not mean to harm you" does not negate any harm caused. You still have some degree of responsibility for it (albeit, in a court of law you might get a lighter sentence, but technicalities). If Kalim accidentally insults Riddle's lack of physical stamina, it... doesn't negate that Riddle feels insulted by it, even if Kalim didn't mean to. If we're going to say "intent does matter", then are we willing to apply it to all other situations, not just Malleus's? Mrs. Rosehearts did not mean to traumatize her child. The Briar Valley senators did not mean to isolate Malleus by blessing him with tons of magical power. Are we willing to extend them the same courtesy of "having good intentions", even if those "good intentions" led to harming others in the process? I don't think it's fair to say this of Malleus but then not do the same for other characters.

A large part of book 7 has been dedicated to those in S.T.Y.X. emphasizing the danger Malleus's magic poses to the rest of the world. The narrative has brought up the potential of the dreamers' physical bodies wasting away from lack of sustenance at least twice. Malleus's grandmother (a mage previously described to be even more powerful than her grandson) cannot pierce his barrier. They stress that his barrier will continue to grow, unburdened, and that he has an endless magic source to draw from. Malleus is trying to attack those who get in his way (including Ortho, Silver, and Sebek with killing intent). I don't think I would be incorrect to believe the characters when they say that this is a genuinely dangerous situation. It just feels tonally dissonant to me when a lot of book 7 was building up this danger, but then the ending doesn't really match what they were building up to.

And to be clear, the other OBs also get off easy. Like, it cannot be the case that all Scarabia students suddenly trust Jamil again after book 4, or that all NRC students feel comfortable dining at the Mostro Lounge again after book 3. However, the difference here, again, is scale. It's more believable when the numbers are small, like a few hundred students. It's less so when you pump it up to several thousand people and entire nations. The larger the number we're dealing with, the more likely there would be a non-zero chance that something would go haywire. This is why I also heavily criticize how Fellow Honest was treated at the end of his event; the crime ring he was associated with surely operated on a scale grander than just the NRC student kidnappings, yet we never touched upon this further.

The "cult" comment is something I made off-the-cuff, and was partially informed by the fact that a character (I believe Ace?) called the Fairy Dream Life Association members "Draconians". That's the same term that is used to refer to die-hard Malleus fans in Diasomnia--those same die-hard fans, who will ardently and blindly support Malleus in everything he says and does. I seem to recall one instance in the first Halloween event in which Sebek leads a group of Draconians to support Malleus in attacking Magicam Monsters; Silver and Lilia had to prevent that from happening. That reads to me like a cult of personality around Malleus. If you happen to disagree with me, that's fine--but there is no need to attack different interpretations.

I want to make it clear that I'm in disbelief at the lack of consequences not because it is Malleus causing them, but because the scale was so enormous. (The other OBs already faced such limited fallout for their own actions. Had they also reached the same scale as Malleus did, I'd still be shocked at how it was all hand-waved off.) It reads as unrealistic when the ending only focuses on the good or only vaguely covers the fallout. For example, other countries were put in danger. Why were we not told about their reactions to anything that happened or how they're reacting in the aftermath? Are we expected to believe that ALL countries in Twisted Wonderland accepted the apology and moved on? The 20,000 residents on Sage's island were put to sleep. Are we supposed to believe that not a SINGLE one of them had a negative experience or woke up confused or hurt from it? What about the parents and family members of those on Sage's Island? Not ONE of them was mad, not even Mrs. Rosehearts, who yelled at a kid for 5 hours for sneaking out with her child to eat a strawberry tart? To write it as though everyone reacted the exact same, convenient way cheapens the world + its people and makes it come off as paper thin. I think these are valid concerns and not convoluted nitpicks. There is natural variance in the world (it's nearly impossible to get 20,000 people to agree on anything irl, not even things you'd think are common sense), so it's very difficult for me to believe that there was NO variance at all when reacting to the aftermath of the OB incident.

I never said Malleus shouldn't be forgiven or that he shouldn't be allowed back in school (I've actually said the opposite). My issue isn't that there wasn't enough accountability for what he did. I don't want Malleus to be "punished more" or to "keep suffering", I want him to fully realize and own up to everything he did. The way the ending currently stands (I blame the time skips, honestly), there's not a lot that indicates to me that Malleus truly understands the full gravity of his actions. A lot of it is being assumed by the fandom, but not indicated in the story itself, which I think is a shame because it's quite limiting for his character. It feels like everything stops short, when really, it should go on for a little longer??? For example, Malleus does apologize to NRC--which is a good start! But he still didn't like... apologize to anyone else on Sage's Island that he affected with his magic?

I'm surprised that the students seemed to immediately forgave Malleus because NRC students are frequently portrayed as vindictive and petty. They get mad, pick fights, and hold grudges over the smallest things, so it's unbelievable to me that a peer would go and do something big like this and then no one in the entire population of 800 students holds even the slightest reservation about what happened?? Again, it feels like flattening the world and the people in it (by implying they'd all act the same way) for the sake of a convenient ending. On a related note, I'm not sure if I like the use of "smart enough to understand" in your wording; it's as if to imply anyone that feels differently (even though I feel there definitely would be some variance among the students) is somehow unintelligent for having their opinion 💦 By extension, it almost feels insulting to fans who also see the situation differently (although I'd like to believe that's not your intention).

I really do not like that Malleus keeps being compared to the other OB boys in these discussions. It's always framed as "Malleus is better than them!", which implies that the others are somehow "worse". It's actively putting down others' trauma in order to uplift another's. We can talk about Malleus's own background, experiences, etc. without having to minimize others' background, experiences, etc.--but I fear that's not what is happening here. Why is it okay for people to shame and dehumanize the other OBs for the extreme actions they took, but it's "too much" when the same behaviors are turned towards Malleus? None of them should be going through that to begin with, and the fact that this is happening at all seems hypocritical to me. I have always held this opinion and am equally disgusted by this being done for any OB boy, as someone inevitably comes out of it labelled "lesser" than the others. Trauma is always valid to the person that experienced it, and to compare it to other traumas can be so incredibly demoralizing and isolating. It sometimes feels like Malleus's background is being used to shield him against taking responsibility for his actions, when the same isn't applied by fans to the other OBs. Their backgrounds are meant to explain why they are the way they are and help us empathize with them, not to entirely excuse them. This was something mentioned all the way back in book 1 too; Ace accuses Riddle of always citing his mother or the rules to justify his beheadings rather than accept accountability for his own actions. Similarly, Trey us called out for pointing out Riddle's tough home life as a reason for his current leniency in suppressing his dorm leader's anger. Riddle's background explains why he acts out and is so stringent, but it doesn't mean he isn't still responsible for his own rage and his students living in fear of him. By this logic, all OB boys (Malleus included) shouldn't lean on a tragic backstory to excuse the extreme measures they took in their respective books. I'm of the belief that they should all be granted forgiveness and the chance to redeem themselves, but they should also be aware of what they previously did and accept that they were responsible for that before they can move on and improve themselves. Both statements can be true at the same time.

To be clear: I DON'T want Malleus to be "punished", "hurt", or to "suffer" more, as you claim I do. I have explicitly stated that I disagree with his horn being broken. (There are other, much more humane ways to limit his magic, and as I bring up in my book 7 rewrite, limiting his magic may actually free Malleus of his "curse" and make him more approachable to classmates.) I DON'T "want and expect the worst of [Malleus]." I have never stated I want him to be feared/avoided/hated or labelled a monster by the people of Twisted Wonderland. What I am asking for is for more explicit accountability for what he did and more realistic fallout for his actions (again, I find it very difficult to believe that not a single person in all of Twisted Wonderland holds even the slightest reservations in the aftermath of his OB). I want him to prove he has changed and have to EARN people's trust, not have it be handed to him so easily. The other OB boys all have to work hard (and are still working hard) to make amends for their wrongs, but Malleus seemingly has to do so much less despite the scale of his magic being so much grander. One example I mentioned earlier was him only apologizing to a fraction of the people he put under his spell when he actually disrupted many more lives than that.

I want to clarify that the reason I think Lilia should have died ISN'T because I "want Malleus to suffer". It's because I genuinely think this would better serve Malleus's character arc. He initially OBs because he wanted to prevent Lilia from leaving, yes? But then he... ends up getting the exact thing he lost his temper over, even though the solution was never quite this simple for the other OB boys. This feels as though Malleus and Malleus alone is getting special treatment. It's true that he killed Lilia, but Lilia remains dead for all of 5 seconds, so it doesn't feel as though that loss really sank in. Malleus is not challenged by, nor confronted with, mortality or coming to terms with drastic life changes. As I mention in my book 7 rewrite, Lilia didn't even necessarily need to stay dead in order for Malleus to have growth; all we would have needed was like... a coma or something? Some period of time that would force Malleus to sit and really self-reflect. The recurring issue with Malleus's writing is that he is always given chances to learn, but doesn't follow through on them. Even when it is advice being dispensed to him BY Lilia (a la Malleus's Dorm Uniform vignettes), Malleus doesn't take it to heart, either because something gets in the way or because he struggles to understand that advice, whatever. But in the aftermath of such a serious situation--something that unfolded by his hand, it's an opportunity for him to be introspective instead of brushing it off like in previous instances.

Again, I really think that the characters not openly demonstrating remorse for what they did is a consistent pattern with Twst's writing. It's not something unique to Malleus--but the thing is, when Malleus's motives are so often identified as "selfless" and "for everyone's happiness" and his magic isn't contained, he's impacting many more lives. Malleus is also in a position in which he represents a country and its future, and he himself has continuously expressed that he must maintain relations and decorum as future head of state. When he then goes and betrays his own morals, should he not demonstrate more recognition of that? (I think the only OB that stands out in this regard is Vil, who did apologize to the VDC/SDC team.) Of course, it's possible that this is covered more in book 8, but since book 7 ends in a time skip of several weeks and a party, I was expecting this to be more prominently displayed in the speech Malleus gives to the attendees.

I will say that I am tough on Malleus, but I think I'm allowed to be when he has so much power and status behind his name. It's that whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing; the more you have, the more careful you should be with it. That's something Malleus is very aware of himself, so it tends to irk me when he misuses his magic. I disagree with other powerful mages' use of magic as well; you just don't see me harping on those because those instances are not as frequent. I don't like that Vil cursed the cake and pie Trey gifted the gang, and I don't like that Leona almost sanded Ruggie--but we rarely see other characters doing these things repeatedly. But then I see Malleus attacking Magicam Monsters and children (Lock, Shock, and Barrel), Malleus disregarding his fellow dorm leaders' autonomy (by using a spell normally cast on objects on them), stopping time and kidnapping people for a party without considering the consequences, etc. On one hand, you have Malleus aware of his position and the difference in power between him and his peers--but on the other hand, he's frequently using these powers on others with little regard for them, and isn't truly told off for it. This will feed into how some people perceive him--because if even his closest guardian figure, Lilia, isn't holding him accountable, then naturally some players will take up that mantle.

Malleus has been enabled his whole life, and this is even shown to us in his post-OB flashback and other materials. He's been told he doesn't have to apologize when he hurts people. He's never had to answer for the things he does--whether just simply rude or cataclysmic--because his power and status excuse him. I feel that fans protecting him and not truly holding him accountable for what he did is actually holding him back from bettering as a person, and that is endlessly frustrating to watch. He cannot be better if he's never allowed to identify that there is a problem to begin with. It feels like I'm watching someone I grew distant from spiral into a really bad habit, and he's ignoring all my warnings and pleas to take a look in the mirror; he fails to see that he's hurting himself because his other friends keep telling him that he's not doing anything wrong, so he keeps getting worse and worse when all I want is to see him improve. I don't think it's "demanding too much" for me to say that I don't think Malleus will improve if he's not first recognizing that he's made a mistake to begin with. If anything, I think it's unfair to give him treatment that isn't granted to any other OB. Frankly, I don't think I've seen anyone defending an OB boy to the same extent that Malleus has been, and to point out this discrepancy is my attempt at trying to provide "the other side", sans vitriol. If it seems to you like I'm not granting Malleus any grace, it's because those I'm discussing the topic with are typically already granting him maximum grace. When I point out what's missing or perhaps feels unsatisfactory about the ending, it's not a dig directed at Malleus; it's me trying to be pragmatic about writing in general. (I think the "not everyone thinks the exact same way" part is particularly salient, especially after seeing the variance in reaction to book 7's ending.)

TLDR

Many accusations about how I feel about Malleus were made in this ask. I do not believe that they accurately represent me. If you don't agree with that, that's fine--but then I guess my question becomes "Why send this in the first place?" It feels as though an opinion was formed based on making the worst possible assumptions of my character--and that's okay, that's a right everyone is allowed to have, and I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me or to even like me/my takes. However, I just don't see what there is to gain in sending these thoughts to anyone?? I am genuinely very confused.

To clarify, I responded to this ask because I wanted to clarify my opinions on book 7's ending again, in case anyone missed them. I don't want my thoughts to be misconstrued as being blindly hateful.

[azurem]

Omg now i need you to rank the star sanses and bad sanses on how attractive they are🤣 like im so curious about your take

Okay like. Attractiveness in verse I imagine. Cuz. Hmmm. Idk I can't see them as attractive from my pov theyre just. Tamagotchis in a way. ANYWAYS

Okay from bottom up I believe Horror and Nightmare are the least appealing ones in-verse. Like. I imagine one's first thought upon seeing them isn't checking them out, but rather a "oh no! What happened to them? Are they okay?" In a way. Like. Horror has the cracked skull and I imagine he looks kinda off from inanition. Nightmare has it worst because his goop looks way too similar to how a mid-falling down monster would look.

Next is Dust, who is in between C and B. I imagine it's mostly because in my head he. Covers up??? He's just an average monster. Depending on his magic show he may go up to a B to A.

Okay. From here we can say these are handsome. Pretty in-verse. Swap is definitely attractive, though I imagine he's not like. Famous-attractive but rather smth more accessible. Cute neighbor in a way. He has the healthy eyelights, powerful magic, strong, smiler. People wouldn't judge you for having a crush on him

From there, I think Ink is conventionally pretty at first glance. I imagine the main reason of this is because of his eyelights. Like. This would look SUPER impressive, mainly because the transformation from a shape color to a totally different one (on BOTH eyes. On DIFFERENTLY shaped and colored eyes) would definitely be very magic wasting. So at first glance Ink just looks like someone who's either very powerful magically or someone who has a very good magic technique, which is a very attractive quality in monsters

Then goes Killer. Okay. People wouldn't guess his soul is out there cuz it's like. Super unheard of in monsters. So they'd just guess thats a permanent magic attack/magic show that's pretty much very visible and bright. Same logic as Ink's eyelights, that makes Killer very magic powerful. Looking. Yknow. I imagine a bit of his appeal fades with his black tears but tbh I think at first glance you'd just assume it's just him having a bold fashion sense

Listen. Listen. We all know it. Dream would be the most attractive because of his aura. Even if the monster isn't aware his aura makes them happy, I believe Dream's magic is very... feel-able? In a way?? You'd know if Dream was near, much more so in a pacifist Au-setting. Bright eyelights plus powerful feeling magic means that Dream is very. Snack. I think. I believe most people would confuse him with a boss monster in most pacifist AUs

Ofc the rank would vary with context I believe. Like. Nightmare's tentacles are definitely a plus because your first thought is "oh! Magic!" And like. Just the sheer size of magic like that is suuuper impressive. That'd def put him in solid b to a rank at least kinda. I dunno I dunno

(Also if Cross was there. Hmm. I imagine he'd be a C??? White eyelights aren't that attractive in the wide multiverse. Also Cross being a C would be so funny)

[quohotos]

One of the reasons that I believe google docs is such a bastard to use with a screen reader is that it's not a web page it's an application shoved into a browser. It's competition is native apps that run from compiled binaries for your operating system, it needs to be as responsive, adaptable, and have a similar interface to those. Notice how you're allowed to right click in google docs without calling up your browser's context menu. The best way to conceptualize it is that google docs is a flash game... a game that just so happens to be about writing text. So yes, it makes sense that methods meant to read text formatted to be a web page wouldn't work out of the box.

But it's still google's responsibility to figure that out and document their god damn api, something that they won't do because of the fucking rot. Google has lost the mandate of heaven and it doesn't matter how much their shit sucks because they have enough of a vice grip on the market that their adoption isn't really dependent on whether or not their shit sucks.

Google docs is a slightly above average word processor with a full feature set. It's missing important features like local custom font support or having a spell check that actually works so I don't have to attempt to spell the word in the google search bar to get google to guess it right (you're both google why the fuck do I need to do this what the fuck is happening at that hellhole?). The point I'm getting at is MS word 2004 is probably on par if not better than google docs purely in the business of processing words, however, merely processing words isn't where the value of google docs comes in.

Your documents are stored in the cloud, meaning that it's impossible to lose your work to a failure to save or a system crash. It means that you can pick up writing on any computer in any location that has internet access. More importantly, you can share your documents effortlessly. You need only send someone one link and then they're instantly reading (and maybe commenting) on your document. It doesn't ask for an account, and even if it does basically everyone got a Gmail for youtube or because your school assigned you one. It's very rare to find someone who doesn't have a google account, so you can very reasonably assume that if you send someone a link they'll be able to open it. It doesn't matter how shit the editor is, how many people it excludes, how poorly documented the api is, how often it shits the bed. If I switch to Libre office then I have to store my files locally and email them to people to get them to read it, then I'd have to make sure they're all versioned correctly and keep track of feedback in multiple places. If you're just using google docs to write words and nothing else then yeah, Libre Office will probably be fine, but I'd assume that a lot of people who write on this website do so socially and rely on the sharing aspect to make it worth it.

I've seen some interesting alternatives to sharing documents online, but most of them require you to pay a fee, learn to host your own server, or get everyone who wants to read your stuff to sign up for an obscure account. Eventually the ubiquity of your system becomes a selling point in and of itself. This is why competition can't meaningfully serve as a force for better products. Once you achieve a selling point that cannot be contested, weather that's through market share like Google or IP law like adobe the rot sets in.

We either need to get everyone a lot more computer literate (which I don't think is going to happen) or we need a strong regulatory effort to force these giants to turn away from the rot (also not going to happen). I don't think this is going to get better.

writer survey question time:

inspired by seeing screencaps where the software is offering (terrible) style advice because I haven't used a software that has a grammar checker for my stories in like a decade

if you use multiple applications, pick the one you use most often.

[dearestval]

𝐑𝐔𝐌𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐈𝐓 — ayato

notes: no specific gender, reader is implied to be part of inazuma nobility, mainly ayato's pot you get so much inner monologue here he really does think a lot, I don't really know how to end fics so if you have a complaint I don't want to hear it lol, also did I go back to edit and revise this? no don’t tell my students

happy birthday to my love, my dearest, ayato

Ayato likes to say that he’s above gossiping. That he doesn’t concern himself with any rumors swirling amongst the Inazuman nobility. After all, most of it is hearsay anyways— why indulge in it? He holds a bit of pride in himself knowing he would never fall victim to baseless rumors and doesn’t get swept away like the other nobles around him.

Of course, those closest to him don’t miss the way he seems to shift in his seat whenever he hears someone in his vicinity gossiping. He’s subtle about it too– but to the trained eye it's obvious how he slightly leans back in his chair to catch the latest chatter from the ladies sitting at the table behind him. Or how he’ll quietly thumb at the pages of a ledger to not attract attention to the two businessmen nearby as they discuss the recent hearsay. All to keep appearances up.

Which makes it all the more amusing for those around Ayato to witness him parading from person to person, asking what they know about this latest rumor that came to his attention.

Because this time, the rumors are about you. Specifically, that you are getting engaged to some noble. Ayato doesn’t have any more information about this– who this noble is, the circumstances of the engagement, or even if the engagement is true to begin with. All he knows is that your name is tied to it.

This is ridiculous, Ayato thinks to himself as he finally gives up the interrogations, retreating to his study to overthink things. As your friend, your best friend, he would have known if you were in a relationship, right? Of course, now that he thinks about it, the two of you have never seriously broached the topic of love or anything of that matter. So maybe there was cause for you to be privy on such a detail of your life. Or perhaps this was an arranged marriage type of engagement and was suddenly sprung upon you. There were still some families in Inazuma that still employed these practices, though he would have never guessed your family would be one of them. Still, as much as Ayato would love to deny it, it’s not entirely impossible for you to be engaged. And that’s clearly a problem– though Ayato isn’t exactly sure why.

Ayato slumps further into his chair, a sight unbecoming of someone of his status, but even he is human and can’t help it. The more he thinks about it, the more he finds himself confused by these swirling emotions inside him. Why would it even matter to him if you were engaged? You would probably still find the time to bother him any time you had a single thought like you always did. He doubts that you would cease to bother him to try out a new food vendor that you spotted while taking a stroll through Inazuma City. You would be the same person and do the same things. He was your best friend, and you were his. Nothing would change at all.

There's a pause in his mind for a moment as that thought lingered. The thought of nothing changing between the two of you causes him to feel unpleasant. Again, he’s not sure why. That should be a good thing. To always remain friends for the rest of your lives. Just friends. And nothing more.

Finally, his head catches up to his heart.

Ayato is hopelessly in love with you.

He manages to scramble up out of his slump as this revelation comes to light, his heart beating slightly faster now. 

It seems almost absurd to him that he’s only realizing now the extent his feelings go for you but in his defense, feelings can be hard to navigate. So he allows himself some leeway. He knows that he’s liked you for a long time now– but he can’t be sure when it shifted from platonic to romantic. He begins combing through his memories, searching for the one particular moment that would showcase when he started seeing you in a different light. But as he does so, he finds his cheeks getting warmer with each passing thought of you.

Ayato buries his face into his hands, a chuckle of disbelief slipping from his lips. Perhaps the answer is simpler than that. If he had to guess, you probably found your way into his heart from the very beginning.

The pieces in front of him start to make sense. How else could he have explained the way his brain would short-circuit for a moment whenever you walked into a room. He would nearly fumble his words when seeing you from the corner of his eye, no matter how important the person he was talking to was. Before his epiphany, Ayato would chalk that up to you being distracting. In reality, all you had done was enter his vision and he would find his thoughts scrambled.

The more Ayato thinks about his newfound feelings for you, the clearer things become for him. There’s a lot to love about you. On the surface, you’re the type of person that anyone could easily fall for. But there’s more to you for him. He’s known you since you were both children, and you’ve consistently stood by his side. When he took over as the head of his clan and it seemed like everything was stacked against his favor, you offered him unconditional support. In the eyes of Inazuma, he’s revered as either the Yashiro Commissioner or Head of the Kamisato Clan. Yet around you, he’s just Ayato. He can let his shoulders slump a bit, foregoing the perfect posture he was taught to have at all times.

To Ayato, it just made sense that the two of you would end up together. There’s no one that gets him more than you do and vice versa. Which is why hearing about your supposed engagement feels like a slap in the face to him. 

He honestly might start spiraling— but three brief knocks on his door snaps him from his thoughts.

“Come in,” he calls out, grateful at the mere thought of a distraction from his turmoil.

But when you pop your head through the door, he can’t tell whether it’s a blessing or a curse. Ayato stands from his seat, welcoming you in as his eyes take in every detail of you. Now that Ayato’s become aware of how he feels for you, it feels like all of his senses are in overdrive.

“Hey, hope I’m not bothering you!” You skip into his study, and he has to hope to the Archons he doesn’t keel over from how cute he thinks you are. Fortunately, he manages to keep his cool and smiles back at you, acting as if there wasn’t a maelstrom going on in his head.

“Would it make a difference if I said you were?”

You could never be a bother to Ayato. Even if he had a mountain of paperwork to go through, he’d set his time aside just for you– which now that he thinks about it is another obvious sign that he’s liked you.

“I suppose it wouldn’t,” you hum as you find your way towards him.

Ayato wastes no time asking the question that’s been plaguing him today.

“So… should I be congratulating you right about now?” he asks, his gaze falling to your hands. With the way they were positioned, he can’t tell if there’s a ring on your finger or not.

“Hm? For what– OH,” you laugh, and as it reaches Ayato’s ears he smiles at how lovely it sounds to him. It’s one he’s heard millions of times but now he can’t help but think that even the birds would envy how melodic your laugh is.

“No no no,�� you say, shaking your head, “those rumors are definitely not true. I mean, my family is looking to make some kind of partnership with another clan, but they’re doing so without the need of a marriage.”

A wave of relief washes over Ayato. It wasn’t true. Admittedly, he probably should have already assumed that from the start. But today he finds that any sort of rationality has escaped him. 

“Don’t tell me you actually fell for them,” you tease, your lips curling into a knowing smile.

Ayato scoffs at you, though deep down he knows he’s not fooling anyone, least of all you.

“Of course not, who do you take me for–”

“Oh my Archons,” your laughter fills the air once more, “you totally thought they were true, don’t lie!”

Because yes, who would have thought that Ayato, the very man who likes to say he’s above gossiping, would fall victim to baseless rumors.

But what would happen if the rumors were true? Would Ayato be able to put on a fake smile for you and keep his feelings at bay? He looks at you, now distracted by the view of camellias outside his study, and his gaze softens.

He calls out your name softly, and there’s a small part of him that wishes you don’t hear him.

You turn towards him, tilting your head ever so slightly as you look up at him. It makes his heart beat all the more faster. You’re not deliberately trying to look endearing in front of him, you just are. And it drives him crazy.

“What? Finally going to admit that you fell for the rumors?”

“Fine, fine,” Ayato relents, “Perhaps I was curious about the veracity of those rumors.”

Ayato really should keep his mouth shut like he always does. But his mouth moves faster than his brain can process it.

“And I’m incredibly glad they’re not.” His words are soft spoken, killing the previously lighthearted atmosphere that you brought in As the silence settles in the room, it’s clear the ambience has shifted.

He brings his hand up to softly caress your cheek, and it feels so right to him.

“God, you don’t really understand the effect you have on me, do you?” his voice is barely above a whisper. He takes in every expression you make– the surprise, the confusion, all of it.

“Did you know,” he continues, “that everytime I’m engaged in an important conversation, I pray to Celestia that you don’t enter my line of sight because the moment you do all of my thoughts go to you.”

He finds himself unable to stop, and truthfully, he doesn’t want to.

“You occupy my mind constantly– I don’t think there’s a day that goes by where I’m not thinking about you,” he pauses, another small realization dawning on him, “perhaps the many times I’ve been called out for being lost in deep thought were moments where you monopolized the entirety of my attention.”

It took him too long to realize he loved you– he’s not going to waste any more time on telling you.

“So please tell me,” Ayato sighs, resting his forehead on yours, “tell me I’m not the only one who’s harbored feelings in this friendship.”

You’re stunned into silence.

Ayato doesn’t know what to make of it. He knows you like the back of his hand but right now he doesn’t even know how to read your expression. You’re shocked for sure– he knows that much.

It would be best for him to wait for some response from you, to let you process this new revelation.

But once again he throws all thought and rationality out the window.

“What about one percent?” he asks, a little bit too desperate for his liking.

“Because,” he continues, a light chuckle spilling from his lips, “even if your heart is only one percent in my favor, then I will hold onto that for all that I have.”

That was a lie. Even if you didn’t have any inkling of fondness for him back, he would be okay with that. He would wait forever for you, even if that day never comes. When he looks at you, he can see your gaze shift, the confusion slowly dissipating from your expression. Now before him he can see the soft look you have in your eyes, the same one that you always held for him.

“It’s definitely more than one percent…” you softly murmur.

Suddenly, Ayato understands all of the cheesy metaphors people use when they talk about love. His heart is doing backflips, he can hear every single bird singing in his ears, and there are far too many butterflies in his stomach. There’s a soft conviction in your words, it makes him wonder if you’ve also had these feelings for as long as him but he’s been too oblivious to notice.

Though that question can be answered at a later time.

For now, and hopefully forever, he has you.

[rupnow]

Samantha's job

Before you continue: No, I don't know what it is. I have an idea of what type of work she did there, but I don't know the business she worked at or what exactly her position was. All I have is some guesses based on her own words.

Sam complained a lot about her job during the summer of 2024, through various accounts. The first reference I can find to her working was during an argument with her boyfriend.

"I ignored you by accident because I was asleep half the time and I have a job and I’ve had that job for multiple months and I still texted you but sometimes I couldn’t."

This was posted August 13th of 2024, meaning she had already been working there for a while. Based on other posts of hers, I can extrapolate that it's some kind of retail or food service job, where she has to either be around a large quantity of people or directly interact with them. It doesn't seem like the most incredible establishment, judging from her complaints.

"I got to see someone die from an overdose yesterday while I was at work."

"I had to yell at two crack heads today at work and I’m just tired of today. I just wanna be left alone."

"Every time I go to work there I some stupid couple getting married and wants to order from us, and they seem so happy."

She apparently worked somewhere in which she had to wear a uniform.

"I put my work uniform on this morning thinking I had work which I don’t and still am wearing it."

She disliked her manager and her scheduling.

"why did my manager put me on a whole week schedule except Thursday… I’m so fucked."

"I’m going to kill my fucking manager, why did I go from a full week to three days in under 30 mins.. wtf is this."

There's some more comments, but they're not all too important, typically just complains or using her job as a tool in an argument. HOWEVER, I have began trying to contact someone who argued with her and whom she sent a picture of her place of employment to, so hopefully we can get a concrete answer on what exactly she did.

Next post is whatever I feel like.