#but I think people are going crazy over this show without realizing how horrible the way they speak really is. it’s so freaking horrible.

[amedora]

Oh god.

[solitude4chiron]

Hobie Headcannons cs some of y’all be treating this man like he’s some white goth nga that’s never had black experiences 😭😭 these are js off the top of my head so don’t tweak out… JUH VIBE

He’s most likely Jamaican/British or African/British because he’s from the UK

He has had multiple people try to force him into playing basketball at least once because he’s 6’5

“Man, so you telling me you ain’t never tried going D1?”

“Never even played.”

“NIGGA WHAT?”

Has gotten his hand popped multiple times from touching his hair while getting it done

“How many do you have left?”

“Boy move that damn hand.”

Gives horrible advice then says “but I don’t kno, thats just me”

“She cheated on me bru. Like cheated. Called me ON FACETIME while they was hunchin.”

“Me personally I would find the guy and start a gas leak in their house while his family is sleeping. But ion kno, that’s just me tho.”

Played soccer as a kid with a makeshift paper soccer ball

Was one of those kids who were forced to finish their plate before leaving the dinner table so he would sit at the table till the next day playing with his food

Illegally listens to and downloads most of the music he likes

“Wanna do a Spotify blend?”

“Y’all use that shi?”

“who df are you bro…”

Will side eye you till you burst out laughing if you both see something crazy in public 

Sung chi-chi man religiously as a child before he knew what the song meant (iykyk)

Takes pictures of white people with braids or locs

Hobie: Attachment: 1

disgusting creatures…

Hangs trash bags on his doorknobs around the house

Had entire debates as a child with older people at the cookout on why he should be able to eat ribs instead of hotdogs

“These steaks for the adults, go grab a lil hotdog and a juice.”

“But why? Can’t we both eat and enjoy the same things without you having to dehumanize me and view me only as a child without preferences for food?”

“Boy go get that fuckin hotdog and caprisun get out my face.”

Had his hairline pushed back astronomically far when he was little (Nigerian boy canon event)

On the other hand he probably never had his hair cut as a kid and started free-forming when he was young (I’m conflicted between both)

Constantly had a smart mouth as a kid (he still does), like CONSTANTLY. Once he got his lips snatched and balled into a fist

Would steal, get caught and say is “it cause I’m black?”

“Yo, were you stealing back there?”

“Why bruv? Cause I’m black?”

“Nevermind.”

Touches hot ass food with his bare hands. Like he will flip pancakes with his hands.

Can literally sleep anywhere.. like anywhere. People in his band have pictures of him hunched over on sinks, sleeping on bathroom floors, in bathtubs with the curtains wrapped around him, on the bus. Anywhere you can think of.

He doesn’t spend much money on birthday gifts or gifts in general. He likes to make things by hand even if he has to spend a few weeks

After his shows he loves to meet people in the crowd, even if they freak out. He isn’t really for the idolizing so he doesn’t know how to express his emotions too much on that.

“OH MY GOD HOBIE!?!”

“i aint think i was that special but thanks luv”

• His jacket makes HELLA noise and he doesn’t realize it. Just like if he had beads in his hair.

“imma get bro good this time..”

“Hobie don’t even try to scare me, i hear that big ass jacket thumpin down the hallway.”

• The first time he kissed a girl with lip piercings like his, they got caught on each other. They sat there for almost half and hour trying to untangle each other without hurting each other.

• He’s definitely been called a few different celebrities before, none really looked like him.

“Are you playboi carti?!”

“Bruv.”

over.

“Your that rockstar dude lancey right?”

“bru…”

and over.

“you Opium?”

“I’m starting to feel this is lowkey sterotypical…”

and over again.

• When he’s in the pit at concerts he looks out for the younger people towards the front to make sure they don’t get thrashed around too hard.

“you good young’n?”

“I CANT FEEL MY FACE”

“that’s cool too”

• He only really steals from big corporations, not small family owned places. Just out of respect. Even when they say he can take things for free he still pays, maybe a few dollars over budget.

• He loves collecting trinkets and little things he finds on the streets or backstage. He has multiple spoons, buttons and scrap fabrics laying around

• When he first learned about capitalism he realized it everywhere, like EVERYWHERE. That boy was pissed.

• He loves girls who can beat him tf up, like whoop his ass. Or girls who will cuss him tf out. Sometimes you both will be arguing and he’ll just sit back and let you go off on him.

anyways yawl that’s it lmk if I should drop some more this was fun asl to make 😛

[avoxrising]

The Feral One • Ch 11

Finnick x Y/N

Series Masterlist Link

I had such a hectic day but decided I wanted to stay up late and upload anyways. Prepare yourselves for a plot twist!!!

Content Warnings - Mentions of suicide/torture

How long had you been here? Weeks? Months? None of that mattered to you. You were happy here.

The capital doctors had fixed you. No more meltdowns over people touching you; no more urges to kill. You were finally healed.

You don’t know why they took the route of healing you while they tortured the others, but who were you to complain? They had made you whole again. Maybe they thought that making you realize the stability you had lived without for the past five years would be a form of torture. Maybe they thought it would make you sad. It didn’t. It made you the happiest you had been in a long time.

The only thing that would make you happier would be seeing Finnick. You know he’s not in the capital. Peeta said he saw him on the screen the other day while he was doing an interview, so you know he’s alive. You just hope you’ll be reunited soon.

Hopefully he will come here and they can fix him too. He may not show it, but his games and the years after have left him with a lot of scars. If he comes, you’ll make sure he gets the same treatment you received.

The power here keeps flickering out. Peeta says it’s cause the dam in District 5 was destroyed. Apparently Finnick and Katniss are in District 13 and the capital sent bombs. Peeta warned them and got extra torture because of it.

Johanna is silent outside of her screams. Whatever they’re doing to her sounds horrible. You don’t want to find out.

“Y/N!” Peeta whispers loudly to you. His room is across from yours and you can hear each other under the door.

“What?” you respond.

“I overheard them talking about you,” he states. “The peacekeepers were talking about your treatment.”

“What about it?” you ask.

“I didn’t hear all of it,” he explains, “and it’s hard for me to know what’s real nowadays, but they said something about a timer going off and how they would make you crazy again. We have to get out before they hurt us.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask him annoyed. “They won’t hurt me. Snow promised.”

Just as Peeta goes to respond, the lights cut out again and peacekeepers enter the hall. They usually set up extra guards when the power goes out in case anyone tries to escape. Why would you escape? You like it here.

It must be an hour later when panic sets in. You hear a hiss coming from the hall and what sounds like people falling over. You don’t have time to think, however, before your door is opened and a canister of smoke is thrown into your room. Peeta was right. They are going to hurt you.

“Did you always love her?” Katniss asks Finnick as they wait for the rescue team to return. All communication had been cut off but the two were still holding onto hope that they would return safely.

“No,” he chuckles. “I guess she snuck up on me.”

“How?” Katniss asks.

“After her incident in the capital Snow killed her family,” he explains. “I moved in with her because she wasn’t stable enough to live on her own. We were scared she was going to kill herself and selfishly I couldn’t let the one victor I had brought home at that point die.”

Katniss nods her head in understanding and Finnick continues.

“I don’t know if I’d even call us friends when I first lived with her. She wasn’t thrilled I moved in and found me annoying, yet I was the only one she would talk to. She wouldn’t even speak to Mags,” he states. “Before Annie’s games my nightmares got worse. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night completely disoriented. Instead of running or turning violent she would stay. Whenever I woke her up she would come to my room and sit near me till I fell asleep again. Something just clicked at that point and I knew I couldn’t live without her. I still can’t.”

“I never even told her I loved her,” he sadly says to Katniss.

“She knows,” Katniss responds. “And I know she loves you too.”

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*if the tag didn’t work please check your settings to make sure other blogs can tag you

[carnalhaus]

if you STILL find yourself wondering why exactly sledge is so insanely fixated on praline, here u go :p

the whole reason sledge exists as a character is to show the impact praline can have on people. he’s actually not the only character used for this purpose, he just happens to be the only one still presently with her.

it’s worth mentioning that because of this, sledge has nothing else going on in his life. he had a completely normal youth with absolutely nothing traumatizing or strange. and then he met praline, and i think that’s when you really have to put yourself in his position. she quite literally plagues his daily life, he’s constantly responding to calls about this girl, she is the root of everything stressing him out. she’s doing crazy shit, cutting her face open, ripping her trailer apart (in the most literal sense), pulling knives on people, it’s the kind of thing that stays stuck in your mind when it’s the only interesting thing you’ve experienced in your mundane life.

he is very afraid of her because he doesn’t understand her or why she does what she does. he sees her throw herself into these dangerous situations without a care in the world and it’s mind boggling. it’s like watching a deer stare at the headlights. she can save herself, but she doesn’t, and he doesn’t understand. throughout the years that quite literally kept him up at night.

when she dies, the reason he becomes so fixated on it is because of guilt. he ends up realizing how much he failed her when he meets enid and actually *talks* to her, something he never did with praline, and figures out that these girls are just suffering. they were both beyond frustrating and hard to understand, yes, but all they needed was for someone to look at them and listen. he tries repairing this with enid, doing it right this time and actually trying to offer her support outside of her family that doesn’t care for her. hell, he even defends what she does sometimes because he’s so desperate to understand and protect her like he failed to protect praline. enid dying was his worst fear come true, and just a few months later, praline is killed too. both of those are enough to cement in his mind that he has amounted to absolutely nothing in his life. he goes off the rails from carrying the responsibility of two lives, two girls that looked to him for protection, and he didn’t protect them from jack shit.

keep in mind stuff like this isn’t really uncommon, in a sense. i went to an alternative school where a majority of the students there had horrible behavioral issues sparked by abusive homes, witnessing murders, involvement in gang activity, the foster system, etc etc. i even found myself getting irritated with certain people sometimes because no matter how hard you tried to understand why they did what they did, it just wouldn’t make sense, they wouldn’t listen. to put it in perspective, praline is exactly like these kids. she’s frustrating to the point where all you want to do is give up on her because she’s a lost cause. that’s what sledge did, that’s what most people do to kids like this.

he views her as a jesus christ figure because above all else, she quite literally “came back.” he ruined his life over guilt, and now he has to live with the fact that she’s alive, here, in front of him, staring at him, and he can’t go back and undo anything. he can’t get his job back, he can’t go back home, he can’t show his face anywhere, and it’s all because of her. he really has no other choice at this point but to stay with her, stat, and enid, because what else is he good for ? absolutely nothing. finding her was probably the only influential thing he’s ever amounted to in his boring miserable life. he’s dedicated to them because there is genuinely nothing else he’s useful for in the world.

it’s still mind boggling to him that she’s still alive, again put yourself in his position. that trailer had the bodies of six girls in it, all killed and torn apart, there is no logical way that she should’ve been able to get away that night. he was hanging onto a delusion that he wasn’t even fully sure he believed in because it was so outrageous, and it turned out to be true.

meanwhile, praline doesn’t think about him much. he’s not any different from other people in her life, ignoring her, doubting her, turning a blind eye. but there’s something deep down, in her 16 year old self way down there, that wants to keep him here. maybe not consciously, but she still holds onto the silly fantasy that maybe he actually can help her one day. but i think she knows that time has already long passed and now he’s just hanging around like a useless ghost repeating the motions from way back when. she can still wish he did something though.

[0theghost0]

Update

Hi hi, everyone. I know it's been a long time. I was actually typing up a message to @prince-infidel because of an ask they sent me, but I realized I should probably just make it a post. So I guess this is an update. Okay, short version: The end of 2022 and the entirety of 2023 was horrible for me. A lot happened, and 97% of it was not good. Now to get into a bit more specifics. While all of this crazy stuff was going on, a friend of mine really needed help with their company. They were just going through a ton, and I jumped on to help them while they were trying to figure that stuff out. Turns out that I was a good fit. So I've completely changed careers currently. Also, with all of this crazy shit going on, I stopped drawing entirely. That's a first for me. No matter what was going on, I always had my drawing as an outlet. It was very new for it to be gone. I actually only recently started drawing again, and when I say recently, I mean last week. I haven't even finished anything and my progress comes in very small doses. Baby steps I guess. Now the stuff you're actually probably interested in. Even though I haven't been drawing, I have been making art. - I've been putting crazy amounts of effort into making costumes. It's really fun and I've level grinded a lot with sewing and fabrics. I made an entire Victorian costume on my own. It was cool. - I weirdly started working on dolls? I have no idea why I started doing that. I hate dolls. - I started making weird... sculptures? I don't know how to describe them. It's basically recycling and turning materials into monstrosities for my own entertainment and to scare random people. - And I've delved more into my hobby of SFX makeup.

I have been being creative, it's just a bunch of stuff that no one cares about. It makes me happy and that's all there is to it really. Which brings me to the long version, because I have no idea how to continue this without going into details. I can only assume all of this answers anyone questions who might be curious. Time to get a bit more specific.

I don't know how to start this, so I guess I'll just say that my interests have completely moved. I think everything above should make that clear, but when I'm referring to interests, I mostly mean the things that inspire me. This is actually typical for me. I love fiction and am a fan of many, many things. I get really involved in a fandom for a while, get bored, then move on to one that is piquing my interest more. Eventually I come back and the cycle starts over. I always keep up with all of my interests simultaneously, it's just that one usually dominates the others. The thing is, comic books have completely lost my interest currently.

There's a lot of factors. I'm not going to repeat stuff that you've probably heard a thousand times from other people about the current state of the comic industry, comic writing, the movies, the video games blah blah blah whine whine whine. I think one of the big things though is that this last year has really changed me. I'm just a really different person now. I'm not that happy-go-lucky nerd I was before. I think my major concern is that I honestly think it would be fucked up if I continued to post here.

People started following me here because of my art and my posts. It would be fucked up to switch that around on them and just show back up as this different person with different art, different interests etc. I've thought about making an update on here a bunch of different times, but I never did because of stuff like that. However, in a way, it's been really nice. It's been nice to just do whatever stupid art project comes into my head, and to do it just for the sake of making something. I think dropping drawing all together (not by choice, mind you) turned out to be good for me. I think I got in tune with a creative side of myself that I'd lost a long time ago. It's been pretty neat.

I've thought about just leaving this tumblr to history. I honestly think that I should. It can be a weird time capsule of this specific fandom in this specific time period. I've thought about just making different social media accounts so that people who want to see any of my new, awful creations could if they wanted to. I don't know though. I'm just all up in the air all the time now lol

I get this isn't an "all questions answered" kinda post. Not that most people needed them, but I know that there are people who just liked my art in general and I knew they must be curious. So I hope I at least answered some stuff and gave some clarity.

[bloodinthegutter]

Little review of Deep Cut, but it's mostly me being your hyper fixated friend

First of all, hi. I don't think I've really talked about my thoughts on any particular comic run or mini series cause I started this blog specifically as a Marauder fan blog and, unsurprisingly, they're not really in the comics that often. I've thought about talking about past storylines or highlighting certain moments from comics, even if it's just one issue out of a hundred. I might do that going forward while I wait for the next thing to come along for me to relentlessly post about.

By the way, I'm not a critic. I'm very casual going into pretty much everything, and I'm way more positive than I am negative. Please don't listen to me. Please.

Okay, so how did I like Deep Cut, since it did kinda feature the Marauders? I dunno, it was fine. Nothing grand, just a little Logan side quest. Fun for anyone who's looking for a quick Wolverine story, and probably fun for anyone who's nostalgic for the Claremont era (although, I am one of those people, and I'm still sitting here not really sure what to say about it. This is hard).

I got the feeling throughout the first issue that yes, Claremont has a story to tell, he wants to fill in the gaps from forty years ago, which is great, I like that. Claremont definitely knows how to write Logan in a way where someone could read his dialogue or thought bubbles or the text boxes of him narrating to me and I’d go, “Oh yeah, that’s definitely Logan talking.” Same with Sabretooth. I’m not even that big of a Sabretooth fan, but I’ve always loved his dynamic with Logan, how he literally just loves fucking with him. It’s, like, the one part of their dynamic that usually gets lost when they adapt X-Men into movies or shows. 

I saw some people on various sites talking about how they didn’t like the art very much, and yeah, there were some…interesting design choices in certain areas…

...but I didn’t think it was horrible. 

I think this whole part was the highlight of my experience with reading this series:

She seems so excited. I love that for her. And I loved seeing the Marauders use teamwork. Greycrow definitely said it best when he said "Marauders win when we fight as a team." Brought me back to reading the Mutant Massacre as a kid and being like, "Oh no, these poor Morlocks...these Marauders are pretty cool, though." Fuck's wrong with me? Haha...

So, funny enough, I think where the series started to waver a little bit for me, personally, was after Logan realized that Sabretooth was a clone. Because whereas issue #1 with the whole fight between Logan and Sabretooth felt like it could be just a one-issue thing, a little gift from Claremont to us, the other three issues felt a little like he didn’t entirely know what to do with the rest of the story. To me, it kind of felt…over? After the first issue? If that makes sense? There were three issues to go, and I had been looking forward to seeing the Marauders, but I was still like, “Really? There’s more?”

I mean, of course there’s more, but something else that was kinda crazy to me was how underwhelmed I felt following the Sinister battle. I don’t know why, because after a fight with Sabretooth, two Marauder fights and an extra one where he, for some reason, didn’t kill any of them, Logan going up against Sinister should have been the moment where I clapped my hands and said, “Here we go, boys! The moment we’ve all been waiting for!” But I wasn't. I was just like, "Oh. Okay. That's cool."

Granted, I did like seeing Wolverine and Sabretooth team up, albeit briefly. That was cute.

But I think it being the last issue of a mini series kinda made me expect it to be a little rushed, so even though I typically go into things without any high or low expectations, I still felt a little underwhelmed. As much as I love the Marauders, I’m genuinely a little surprised that we got two full issues with them and not more Sinister. I’m not exactly complaining, but I can tell this might disappoint some other people.

Not that I care what other people think. Here's some pictures of my favorite character doing some poses:

I randomly just remembered that I met Chris Claremont at a comic con when I was 15 and he seemed genuinely surprised when I told him that I liked the Marauders. I really hope this mini series doesn't exist because of me. I'm haunted by memories of my still-existing cringe.

Anyway, like I said before, I'm not a critic. There's a bunch of Wolverine-centric podcasts that do deep dives into Wolverine comics waaaayyyy better than I can, and probably a million other users on Tumblr who have expressed their thoughts on this series in better detail than I did. I didn't hate Deep Cut, and I am just glad I could see my favorite villain group together again in a mini series this year, but it was still a pretty underwhelming read. I still have so many questions, too, that just seem like retcons now, like are the original Marauders still alive out there? Can Sinister not make clones of them without the originals? Is Hellions Greycrow a clone? Or is he the real Greycrow? And maybe the zombie Marauders were the real ones? But then where's Vertigo...?

None of that matters. I'm literally laughing at myself right now, I'm obsessed.

Closing thought: what the ever loving fuck are Scrambler's powers?

[glittertomb]

Very personal but important question(s?) regarding chronic health issues and disability

So I’ve had fibromyalgia and Gastroparesis for about a decade now, and I try my best to self-manage these issues (in addition to the expensive meds they give me that don’t really provide relief), but it becomes severely difficult for me to work a full schedule, particularly when my job drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I spend my days off in complete recovery mode, absolutely bed-ridden, afraid to do anything social or physical, because I risk going into a total Fibro meltdown. Which is a nightmare, but I’ll spare you the details.

I’ve been considering applying for partial disability because I think working 3 or 4 days instead of 5 or 6 would be much better for most humans, honestly, but particular for someone like me who deals with chronic nausea, discomfort, and pain on the daily. I’ve been putting it off for ages though because I know that disability can be very difficult to get and a horrible process and I can’t work myself up to it or afford a disability lawyer to help me. I tried being a little more aggressive this past summer and collected “documentation” on my fibromyalgia in the hope of preparing to submit it, and literally all of my documentation says “fibromyalgia?” because apparently none of my doctors believe me after years of testing and thousands of dollars of office visits trying to get this diagnosis. To be honest, using fibromyalgia as my reasoning for disability needs was a dead end anyway because lots of doctors still don’t believe it exists, so I doubt the government would find that a good reason either. And I really doubt they would take the Gastroparesis seriously either, even though both of these conditions are dehabilitating at times.

So one of my friends recommended I go through the avenue of my mental health issues. At different points of my life I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, ocd, adhd, etc, and who knows what the real answer is, but she’s a mess. I’ve been realizing over the past couple years that I’m very likely autistic, and that would actually explain a lot of these things, but the past 6 months have been crazy, and even though I’ve been working a bunch, I’m poorer than ever because of the rising cost of everything, so I cannot afford to get a formal diagnosis yet. But I know that I told my most recent psychiatrist all these horror stories about my anxiety, so I decided to get done documentation for her too, and guess what? Generalized depression and mild anxiety. Girl, huh? (Tw: blood and dermatillomania coming up) I showed her evidence of scars on my hands from picking my hands every night til I bleed everywhere, I described how I get overwhelmed and cry at work several times a week and often fight back panic attacks at work and in my private life, I told her than I struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep and only got collectively about a few hours every night, I told her that I literally could not socialize without using alcohol as a crutch but I can no longer do that because of my digestive issues so I self-isolate, I told her that I struggle to maintain eye contact and panic when people give me eye contact… so many stories like these. Mild anxiety smdh

So that comes to my first question cause I guess I decided while writing this that I have a couple:

1) How do you, as a female-presenting person, get a diagnosis for severe anxiety? How wild do my stories have to be without accidentally committing myself?! I have an ex, amab, who basically pulled a john Mulaney and was like, “I get nervous on planes sometimes” and he legit got a prescription for Xanax or one of those other big ones, and another who is on a dose of gabapentin 5x the strength of mine because he gets social anxiety sometimes, so this is especially frustrating that I can’t even get a dang proper diagnosis on anything after ten+ years of therapy, doctors, tests, everything.

2) What is the process like for getting an autism diagnosis and are there cheaper routes you can go that would still be credible? I’ve exhausted my expenses from years of jobs not paying my worth combined with money poured down the drain trying to get any sort of help with my kaleidoscope of issues, and at this point I’m too broke and demotivated and burnt out to figure out a way forward.

3. Has anyone been able to get partial or full disability who would be willing to hold my hand through the steps and keep me motivated? I know it’s a huge ask but I honestly get so anxious even thinking about the process that I completely shut down. At the very least, maybe you could explain what worked for you or how you would approach it better next time? I just moved far away from my support group so I’m feeling alone and even a word of caution or encouragement would help.

I know I’m not really as connected to this community as I used to be, but I’m hoping someone will get to the end of this and even a kind word or a smidge of sympathy/empathy would be nice. And please do reach out if you have fibro because I don’t meet many and it would be nice to have friends who can relate. Thank you for listening! 💜💜💜

[mloreley]

Please I am begging you go OFF about CxG

Do you know what you're asking?

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is one of the best representations of mental health on television I've ever seen. It doesn't shy away from difficult, or even obscenely troubled subjects, and the discussion in the show ends up in a healthier place than I think most comedies ever really go.

The show is a musical, which is an automatic plus in my book. And in fact, the context for WHY it's a musical is something that hits me right in my daydreaming baby heart; someone coping with real life stress by using daydreaming and music to work through something in their head. And it's not just a conceit for the premise, either! There's literally a plot reason for it!

This is a show that revolves around the relationships the main character has with the people around her; romantic, familial, friendship, and more. It surrounds her with so many different kinds of love, and explicitly calls it love. Whether she's able to recognize it as love is a different question, but then, it's always harder to see the love in our lives when we've been trained into believing we don't deserve it.

More (and spoilers) under the cut.

The show is about a woman with severe trauma and a long-standing mental health struggle finding and falling in love with herself. While the show does a lot of framing around the romantic relationships in her life, it's because she only considers love to be real when it's from a partner- someone who chooses to be with you, as opposed to family (for whom it should be 'the bare minimum', in her mind, even though she's still desperately seeking that, too).

She acts horribly for three seasons. If you've never fought with the demons implanted from severe neglect, abuse, and trauma, her actions make her unsympathetic; they make her "The Villain In [Her] Own Story", and she's just smart enough to be able to talk and charm her way out of consequences for a good chunk of it. Of course, those are skills she learned trying to appease her never-appeaseable mother, whose horrific treatment of her daughter forced her to overcompensate with placating, charming, ego-stroking, approval-seeking behavior.

And as someone who has struggled with my mental health my entire life, as someone whose behavior has sometimes been out of line, and as someone who has had to do a lot of self-reflection, I see every bad decision she makes and I ache for her to be better. Because while I was never as bad as her, I feel the same thought patterns, I see the lines she sees where others only see irrational, over the top awful behavior.

I could talk about the scene where she's shown all of her new friends and found family in West Covina mourning her disappearance in the first season, how it makes me cry because I've had to learn how to recognize that in the people around me. Not just in a "they'll miss me if I'm gone" sense, but just recognizing that you can touch people's lives in ways you can't see, in ways they may not always know you've affected.

Or maybe the scene where, cornered, triggered, panicked, and deeply hurt, convinced that she's already lost all of her friends and loved ones, she lashes out with the harshest things she can say to everyone in her life. I know why she does it; she's hurting, and she wants to be the one to 'cut the ties' before they do it to her. I understand that though process so clearly. But every venomous word she shoots at them, it's a wound in her heart just as much as it is the people who care for her. I know, because I've been there.

There's the scene after she hits her lowest point, where she no longer believes that anyone loves her, where she realizes she has no life either where she grew up or where she moved to and doesn't want to be in either place, where she hurts so much that the only option she sees to escape it is to take her own life. I can't even think of that scene without a sharp intake of breath and tears coming to my eyes, because it's so viscerally real. The moment she looks out the window, taking in the serenity of a blue sky with gorgeous white clouds, communicating the strange peace you feel when you've finally decided to 'go through with it', GOD it's so fucking real. It's a detail that I don't see included in most shows depicting a suicide attempt, and it tells me that the showrunners are speaking from experience.

And that immediately after setting that in motion, she finds hope at the very last second. That she seeks help because she has finally found that last grain of hope in her. It's executed so well. (Hey, I'm literally crying while writing this; it has a tremendous emotional impact for me).

The moments in therapy where she expresses terror over trying to find a relationship after the last serious one she had ended with a suicide attempt, and is scared knowing that it's a place she can go, or when she doubts going on medication because her last prescription numbed her out instead of addressing the problem, those are so. fucking. real. Real concerns born only out of having been through the process of finally seeking help and becoming afraid of 'going back'.

Or the last fucking episode of the show, where she discovers the most important relationship in her life; one with herself. Where the entire context of her imagining musical numbers to work through things comes back around; it turns out that composing music and writing songs is a skill? And one she never got the chance to explore because her mother denied her every opportunity in order to mold her into "The Perfect Daughter"?

Her relationship with Paula is the second most relationship in the show; they both change each other for the better, even as they sometimes bring out the worst in each other. The level of trust they build, and the genuine love they share for each other, is so healing for both of them. It's fitting that Paula is the one to eventually point out what Rebecca couldn't see; that she was actually really amazing, and not for what anyone else taught her to do, but just for who she always was.

The show does an excellent job of showing deeply flawed, real people who make mistakes, and learn and grow from them. It's a rare show where "everyone is happy in the end" doesn't feel contrived, because they've all earned where they end up.

I think I'm momentarily Crazy Ex-Girlfriended out at the moment, and this is still only scraping the tip of the iceberg and mostly in how much I personally relate to the main character (enough that I've actually begun looking into a similar diagnosis for the stuff I'm going through), but I hope you appreciate my going off on it a bit. XD Thank you for the invitation to do so.

[scratchface]

5-minute thoughts on every ygo show?

Duel Monsters: The OG, which we must respect. Lots of incredibly interesting concepts packed into a fun series overflowing with style, but holy shit, it does not hold up without twelve shots of nostalgia blurring your vision. There's lots of great, iconic moments that will live on in people's hearts forever, but for every minute of Peak Television, there's thirty more of boring B plots and nonsensical plot writing. Battle City deserves to be remembered fondly, but it was consistently downhill from there.

Favorite character: the Spirit/Bakura. Always a delight to have on screen, elevated every scene he was in, even at the series' wonkiest.

GX: My original favorite! GX is a wild ride of highs, lows, and absurdity. The non-plot essential episodes here are a lot more fun than those of DM, and it made great use of the inherent absurdity of the setting (boarding school for learning a children's cardgame) to go completely bananas. It is a lot of fun to rewatch season two and three, which are packed with fun side characters, crazy antics, and of course, Judai's endless charisma. While far from perfect, every time I revisit it, I can't help but think the whole series is incredibly charming.

Favorite character: Judai. Special mention to O'Brien and Jim, though—they're my special little guys.

5Ds: The one I don't know too well, because I don't remember much of it and I've never managed to rewatch more than a few episodes at a time before dropping it. Everyone always praises it, but I just can't get into it. Zero appeal to me. Yusei seems cool, I guess.

Favorite character: Aki

Zexal: The best one. Like, objectively—yeah, I know, I refused to accept that at first too! I didn't want Zexal to be the best YGO either! But it is! It just is! I've rewatched it many times, thinking, "this time, with a more critical eye, I will realize its not that good!" but NO, it is that good—hell, I think it actually gets better every time you watch it! Which is crazy, 'cause so many of the first ~30 episodes are so so bad. But then it just gets better with every storyline! I could go on for hours about how much I love Zexal now; the setting, the cast, the plot. What seemed like a conflict between aliens actually turning out to be a war between heaven and hell was the sickest plot twist of all time.

Favorite character: Shark/Nasch, no contest. But shout out to everyone else too: Zexal has by far the best cast of any of the YGOs.

Arc-V: The disappointment. The opposite of Zexal. While Zexal starts with its weakest batch of episodes, Arc-V starts with its strongest, and its all downhill from there. So many duels in the first 50 episodes are just incredible, and there's so much intrigue, and every episode left you wondering. And then it just...struggles and flails its way to the end. Very little of ending is in anyway satisfying. If I think about it too much I get frustrated.

Favorite character: Sora! Sora does so much of the heavy lifting in keeping the plot of this series moving when everyone else seems determined to bring it to a screeching halt and nobody gives him enough credit for that.

Vrains: Ah, Vrains. If Arc-V started strong and ended by dragging its own corpse over the finish line, Vrains was struggling to keep its head above water from the start. Its an almost impressive blend of fantastic main characters with great depth (Yusaku, Ryoken, Ai) and the worst supporting cast you've ever seen. What characters weren't bad from conception get fumbled horribly at every opportunity. And yet, the conflict of the first season remains incredibly compelling. Yusaku and Ryoken's relationship remains one of the most fascinating I've seen in fiction. Unfortunately, its blatantly clear that the writers didn't have a plan. Big 'first draft' vibes. Could have been drastically improved if the writers had, you know, allowed the other Origins and Ignis to do things instead of giving Aoi three costume changes.

Favorite character: Yusaku. Love him.

[kiss-my-freckle]

Interesting things Julie and Ian said about season 2:

So, will Caroline survive the season?

"Caroline could die in any episode – she is doomed. She is absolutely, fundamentally doomed by definition of her own personality and her lot in life. Her mom’s in the council and is the sheriff. She's also a neurotic, jealous busybody who is always putting her foot in her mouth and Damon isn’t going to put up with her – so she’s doomed. The question is, how much fun can we have getting her out of those doomed situations and for how long. Because we really, really believe that this character has a long shelf life."

Plec describes the season two theme as "revenge."

PW: Does Damon come around on his desire to kill her?

Ian: He wants her dead. That’s what makes sense to him – but Caroline starts to prove herself to Damon. The reality is, there are some major problems with a couple of the elements coming to town and Damon & Stefan are going to need all the help they can get. They’ll be forced to put some of their differences aside to protect what they love.

PW: What about Jeremy — I feel like a very intriguing relationship is being formed there that’s more mentor than enemy.

Ian: There is an interesting dynamic that develops between the two of them. If Damon knew that Jeremy had that ring on, then what a brutal, horrible act of flexing your muscle to hurt someone you love. If he didn’t know, what a petulant child-ish thing to do. The reality is that once Damon sobers up he’ll realize that Jeremy is a very important person to him because he’s Elena’s brother. And what he must do to protect her, he will also have to do to protect him.

PW: Being a character driven show, the love triangle is something fans spend a lot of time thinking about. What’s your take on Elena and Damon?

Ian: I think she’d be crazy – Damon is so dangerous, does all the wrong things, acts from a selfish place. But, and I know this is going to sound contradictory, but the only time you ever see Damon acting remotely human is around Elena. Remember when you saw him in her room stroking her cheek while she slept?

PW: Of course.

Ian: There was a flash of humanity in that. But you also have to wonder if he was only remembering Katherine. It’s all these conflicting issues and emotions and thoughts. But what we know is that he’s a very volatile man. He doesn’t think things through properly because he’s so blinded by love – and now sadness and rage. I think it would be a long road for him and Elena. I can’t imagine how he’s going to get back in her good graces. Short of ripping her necklace off and compelling her to forget, I don’t know how you get over that. The only truly redeeming quality, I think, Damon has is that he will do anything to protect her.

PW: But then there was that great line about hate being the beginning of every great love story.

Ian: If you look back at season one, when Elena was around Damon, she smiled. She had fun. Despite the fact that sometimes she’d rather knee him in the crotch or run away, or stake his ass, Elena brings out the good in Damon and in many ways Damon brings out the good in Elena. I think sometimes the people who do that to you, you often have the most complicated relationships with.

I love Damon and Caroline in season 2 for a lot of reasons. I'd have to disagree with the theme of revenge. There's little revenge in season 2. I'd also have to disagree with Jeremy's death. Whether Damon knew Jeremy was wearing the ring or not doesn't change the fact that he killed him impulsively. Impulsive acts being exactly what they are - without forethought. "I wasn't thinking. I didn't think!" Every bit what being impulsive means. Damon's impulsivity is emotion-driven. He doesn't think first. He feels, he snaps, then he thinks. That's why Elena makes him reconsider taking the cure. He feels, he acts, he thinks. She wants him to think before he takes it.

[sunsunsunandsun]

Apr 30

Im on call w my sister her husband and my cousin because i decided to stop eating and get distracted in my room all day Because my Ed is controlling my life the first week of summer. I should've prepared better for this. Alternate note, learn to be okay with my body food and public perception.

That's not really an option. I'm sure no one follows me here, so this will just be the outpourings of a strange girl in summer, 2024. I have one month to myself (one month to make it all right- to bring it to the start where we need to be). I should try starting to read philosophy without an ink of an idea. Maybe that's where true intellectualism comes from, than the pseudo. I wonder how the summer's going to go. Tomorrow doesn't look so bright. But it's okay. Or something I keep thinking what the significance of an ed in my life means Maybe control or something probably

I'm rewatching Mr Robot. It feels so beautiful and real. I just realized it was released 2015, and a decade later its' truth is similarly pervasive. Too much so. I'm sure I'm Tyrell Wellick. Something strikes a familiar chord of taste in myself watching him, and seeing him but it can be indicative of nothing more than a long-strung web between capitalism and perfection and status. The last, which in this society, ultimately means acceptance. It ties back to community. It holds hands with the age-old truth, that humans need connection and love to exist.

Watching a system who throws up into the sky and sticks a translation of the modern world's technologies, warping into real-life dances of desperation and conviction. It's supposed to inspire, tell me. Oh my gosh these people are keeping me on call and I can't continue thinking here. Something horrible about choosing to be in thought than experience reality- something about looking at everything instead of getting more. I'm blatantly unperfect. I don't know why exactly everything in life feels peeled off. Laptop dying. This call is getting annoying. Why can't everyone leave me alone to think and recorrect? Why can't everyone just let me focus on being my own perfect. Why can't everyone

So that's it. The sad life I attracted here now in Miami. My shoulder hurts annoying. I don't want Xiomara to text me, I did, I thought I did, but now it's just one of those moments I'd just want everyone to avert their eyes from. Look away from Katheryne's crazy breaks. Look away from the famed eating disorder who keeps grabbing your wide hips into safety. Something like that I wonder if one day I'll get over this, or it will come back over and over every time I slip. I think I'll always remember myself insisting that how I look matters more than having fun or talking to friends or people who love you or spending time with them or anything. This call is hitting an hour. I just want to continue watching my show oh my gosh I probably should've never picked up. Oh WOW MY PHONE Just died this is great. That was freeing. I should call back, but I won't. This'll be another ugly photo for the books of my personality and behavior. I'm forgoing my summer goals. But does any of it matter if I don't like how I look. I looked at myself for the first time in my old Snaps, I really was small. I didn't even ever realize. All the time, it looked ten times more normal than my transformation into the other. I sobbed in front of the mirror in underwear and hyperventilated over my cards. Things are going down. It's okay. Give it a week and it'll be okay. One thing about me, I will lose weight. I will go into deficit I'll stop eating I'll stop paying attention I'll stop talking I'll stop being go lucky, Ill

I've gone crazy, I know this I admit it here, though if you asked me and I like you- if I trust you, I'll tell you the truth. But while it happens, I don't want anyone near looking. Let's keep things quiet, let's keep them away and we'll come back. I'm falling into an obsession of who I have to be before my internship. The tight hand of fear, from not being the correct fit, to falling out and losing money, holding hands with consequences of programs, all boiling down to stability. I think the correct answer is go with the flow. The flow constricts me. The bend can be wide arms across and I'll still get choked up in some neck of it. My writing is so subpar I need to see. A therapist. For how inane the words that string together are. Sometimes most of all, in an attempt to throw creativity, I hit grammar with the backend of my wheel, of this stalling vehicle. It's all drawing lines to my limbs and sticking into me at weird angles. I'm on my period, but I wouldn't blame this. It's been on its way. Actually, I should thank it for getting here for marking me focus on what matters. Do you know how boring restricting life because of your body, makes the real world boring for you and everyone around you? Highly boring. I give into it because, I don't really want to live life any other way. I want things lined up and I want their scent to elicit success. I have an awful feeling I'd drown, any other way. My writing is boring and it drones, tripping over its continuous ideas and frames of pessimism and fear. I was snappy with my parents, who are good to me. I'm a flat out mess. 9 30 PM

[depresseddepot]

Okay im adding the rest of my glory liveblogging under the cut so i don't have to keep making more posts lol

God everyone in this show is so fucked up. Yeon jin kissing jae jun SECONDS after he strangled her and also jae jun showing up to father day (or whatever its called, idk i never had those) with do yeong RIGHT THERE AUGSHSJJAJA don't listen to them do yeong i would treat you and your money right

do yeong clearly getting pissed abt the way jae jun talks about dong eun IS SO HOT AND STUPID honey you are an old married man with a 1st grader, is now really the time to be getting jealous about your one sided emotional affair. but also its hot. (whats that phrase? hate to see you go but love to watch you walk away? idk i think this is improper usage) this is now the second "hot old sad married business man that was cheated on but also had his own emotional affair BEFORE he realized he was being cheated on" on my list of rotating men

god GOD WAIT the way all of her bullies are swearing "ill do anything you say. i swear ill follow you until you die" THE METAPHORS. THE METAPHORS OUGHGGHHG

DO YEONG PLAYING VERY LOUD CLASSICAL MUSIC IN HIS CAR SO THAT HIS DAUGHTER DOESN'T HERE HIM CONFRONT JAE JUN. HQGSJSJSJJSS ALL OF THE MEN IN THIS SHOW ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF FUCKED UP

soft spoken carefully dressed married businessmen aggressively confronting the people bothering their emotional affair-ees (GOD MY TYPE IS SO WEIRD AND UNOBTAINABLE AHGSHZJAKNAS)

nothing and i mean NOTHING will outweigh the fucking ECSTASY i felt watching park dong hoon beat threaten and beat the shit out of that loan shark in my mister. ive got goosebumps just THINKING ABT IT AAAAAAA

sorry my edible just kicked in

do yeong please. i am begging you. just one chance just ONE

man this show is fucked up. the way jae jun doesn't seem like a terrible awful person at first bc you don't see him physical abuse dong eun but then you watch his character reveal more and more how fucked up he really is and it just shows how men like that never really grow out of it unless they're fucking called out on it

Oh dong eun. honey i am holding you (a woman capable of murder) so gently in my hands. they're all fucked up but jae jun and yeon jin in particular and the way they look at you (the camera) hits a little too close to home

God it is so hard to type under the influence i get so stupidly dizzy

i wonder if do yeong is going to be angrier with dong eun for using him or his wife for lying and cheating? Bc every time I think he's clearly over dong eun he says something that makes me think he intends to defend her or something

noooooo old man stay loyal to your emotional affair 🤡

I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS IK SO EXCITED. YEO JEONG AND DO YEONG IN THE SAME ROOM. EVIL DOCTOR MEETS SAD LONELY BUSINESSMAN

"you need to get up close and personal so you feel it as you go in" i have been so horribly obsessed with love for so long that my taste in men has soured. what is it about these crazy dangerous MANIACS THAT HAS ME SO PUFFED UP. KÖNIG AND GHOST AND NOW YEO JEONG. god the barely contained unhinged violence in his eyes. also is his meeting w do yeong genuinely like an accident??

oh my god. oh my god. YEO JEONG HAS SEEN DONG EUNS ROOM WITH ALL THE PICTYRESWTAPED TO THE WALL AND HE WAS LIKE "yeah okay. secretly i like this and also sure lets have casual domestic hang outs while we talk about damning the people from your past"

THE MEETING WAS ORCHESTRATED. HE'S PLAYING HIS PART AS A PAWN SO EAGERLY "i was annoyed he was cooler than me" sorry. id like to be sandwiched inbetween you two and also dong eun

do yeong is so easily convinced when a pretty slightly dangerous woman looks threateningly in his eyes without wavering AT ALL

yeo jeong, uncomfortable at the sudden mention of illegal violet child abuse: so. uh. how frequently do you wash your sheets

HAGAJJSJABABA ALSO YEO JEONG after being prompted abt his murdery daydreams from a girl planning on being a murderer (i assume): um. can i persuade you to ask me something else?

Also dong eun the whole show is like " 👁👁 "

IM SORRY. THE MAN WHO MURDERED YEO JEONGS DAD WROTE HIM LETTERS DESCRIBING THE MURDER FOR LITERALLY THAT WHOLE TIME

"so your poor son went to hell after all, huh?"

WAIT DONG EUN IS TRIGGERED BY THE SOUND OF SIZZLING AND THAT SOUND RELAXES YEO JEONG. THE METAPHORSSSS

dong eun living literally across the street from yeon jin will also never not be funny

YEON JIN FINDING DONG EUNS ROOM WHILE THE HEAVY METAL PLAYS. YESSSSSS

OH LORD THE HEAVY METAL WHILE YEO JEONG WALKS THREATINGLY INTO A MORGUE. GOD HELP ME. THE GLOVES. also something about a doctor being in the hospital they work at in casual clothes. hot

yeo jeong i would die for you. and i think you would end up being the cause

DO YEONG IN DONG EUNS BEDROOM?????? Oh the parallels

IS THAT THE ENDING

THATS IT????????????????????????????? NO BABY I NEED MORE RIGHT NOW

part 2 coming march 2023. O have to stay alive until march 2023

NOOOOOO IT CAN'T BE OVER I WAS JUST GETTING SO FUCKING EXCITED

noooooo NOOOOO ugh. god damn it how am i supposed to know if do yeong is there to confront his wife or if he's there to protect her!!!!!! NOOO I NEED TO KNOW HOW MURDERY YEO JEONG IS

Edit literally 2 hours later: bro I CANNOT stop thinking about yeo jeong. I have a huge fucking problem. whats that post thats category 5 autism event or something bc i am going through it

I NEED MORE. I NEED MORE RIGHT NOW

something about yeo jeong drives me fucking crazy bro i cant stop thinking about the scene with him gently skimming his fingertips over his scalpels as they slowly get bigger and turn into knives of more and more lethality

The way he described stabbing someone to do yeong. good god these insane men are making ME INSANE TOO

god. christ. i can't handle it. hes so sweet looking but the way the actor immediately shifts into the dead eyed dangerous side of him was so masterfully done

oughghhhh i have to rewatch it RIGHT NOW OR ILL DIE I THINK

[pixelzombie]

Today, I've been thinking about who I am, how I identify, who I would ideally be. I have many resources and opportunities that could easily lead me to a life of satisfaction. Part of me thinks my incessant worry about the future will ensure its doom, part of me thinks I can't avoid doom unless I obsess over it and protect myself painstakingly. Thing is, I'm not even good at protecting myself when I have the blatant ability. I'm not even good at protecting myself when I know I'm being hurt and others are begging me to protect myself. Worrying is twice the torture, ignorance is bliss, go with the flow, etc. I finally got that paperwork done though, and I am going to try to start taking 5-HTP. I've seen really mixed reviews. I am desperate. I've also seen people on Reddit saying those who are affected by my ailments should steer clear, but my ailments are the reason I'm interested in this supplement in the first place. I've accepted that anything that'll help my mood and cognitive symptoms will surely make me a spooked out paranoid mess. I've been a chronic stoner for years despite the weed making many parts of my health decline. I often say I'd rather be crazy and happy than hyper-aware and miserable.

Who am I, though? It seems counterproductive to try to be a certain way, or to define myself rigidly. Although, I often get the feeling that I will just be a perpetual mess without strict guidelines to follow. Being myself, I have been tirelessly working on specific, goal-oriented guidelines to follow. I am horrible with keeping habits, and I get the feeling that if I can procure the perfect regimen then I will finally have my shit together. That looks different in my eyes than it does to the general public, I think. Having my shit together means being happily independent, keeping up with all the little moving parts of life like appointments and errands, have my chores done regularly, have my hygiene in good shape, have my eating habits under control, have satisfying leisure time, stay out of trouble. I want to be more easy going and confident. I reckon I'm tired of being the foolish, self-indulgent, neurotic, hysterical child I've been for so long. I almost feel like an entirely new person, and I'm realizing how grandiose and fucked up my perception of myself used to be. I was deeply insecure while feigning confidence and it showed. I was crude, loud, flashy, oblivious, and naive. I don't even know how I got to that point, or how I was so unaware, but I never want to let it happen again. Before all this realization, I didn't even realize you can "choose" your own friends. I guess I figured you were just always stuck with whoever took interest in you, I only recently realized that you can choose and curate your friend group to be made up of people who share your goals or interests, people who are on a similar maturity level to you, people who participate in the same cultures, people who you find mutual interest in, etc. When it was really hard for me to make friends, I was desperate, and the behaviors that stemmed from the desperation have locked me into situations that I never had to be in. Friends that didn't suit me or understand me, friends that saw me as an easy target, friends who made fun of me or ignored me. This is avoidable as long as I gatekeep myself way better. When I get back to school, I am going to be very selective with who I allow myself to spend a lot of time with. I am very done with anti-recovery culture, immature/childish people, people who are obsessed with social media, people who are snarky or rude, people who can't take accountability, people who sensationalize terrible things, people who are preoccupied with themselves, I'm done with making friends who can't keep up with me, who only talk about mental illness or constantly casually bring it up, who make excuses for their behavior, who don't self-reflect, who are passive-aggressive, who are insensitive, who lie, who view me as another or a novelty because of my ailments, who nitpick, etc. Just so amazed that I ever got to the point of having the types of friends I've had. The following feed on my instagram gives me insight for the horrible culture I've surrounded myself with. People who are refusing to move past their old ways of thinking. It's honestly a lot of diagnosis braggarts, and I guess I was attracted to that sort of thing as a kid because of my pretty damning diagnoses and the effect that has on a kid. I felt isolated, but online were hundreds of people going on and on and on about their diagnoses for "awareness" (Ha Ha) or whatever. Online, there were communities of people fighting over the rareness and seriousness of their own diagnoses. I fit right in with a rare and serious diagnosis. I entered the community, confident to spam about my mental health, but it was different. Eventually, in the community, I was either pestered about my diagnosis and put on a weird pedestal for it, constantly asked questions by people who were worried they had what I had (never even close. MAYBE once, but they usually apparently didn't even actually know the symptoms before they came to me about it) or, on the contrary, people just saw me as weird. Maybe even attention-seeking. I have even been accused of faking and self-diagnosing a couple times.

The community doesn't solely consist of mental illness lovers. There's a pretty even mix of drug addicts, fandom friends, straight-up histrionics, covert 4chan dwellers, and individuals I'd known in real life. I can't say it's a niche that doesn't technically suit me, right? Mental illness, fandom, 4chan... Yeah, sure. But, why would I want to be constantly surrounded by the actual worst parts of my personality. Why feed into that? WHY curate an online experience that validates and encourages the worst parts of my entire self? Exactly, I think instagram actually stunted my own development. I probably could've reached this progress point by the age of 15 if I didn't own an emo fan account at that very time. Anyway, this account is also an opportunity for me to curate a following list that supports the good aspects of myself and encourages me to be the best version of Me I could possibly be.

[demcnsinmymind]

He should go. He should just fucking...go. Because seeing her like this was horrible. Hearing her talk like this was horrible. Still way too eerie. Still way too similar. Making it even harder to keep his tight grip on what he had figured out was real. And he did try. Turning away. Doing what he'd always done back in there, too. Focusing on himself. Getting himself out of there. Keeping himself alive. Not letting anything from back in there get to him.

Because in there, everyone but him had been dead already. Ghosts from the past. Helping them would've been pointless anyway. He'd known their history. Had read all about it on the internet. They'd been doomed. Not even really real. At least not for him anymore. So there had been no point.

Soon enough, he faltered though. Stopped turning. Stopped trying to walk away. Because with her?...Fuck, it just hit different. Because this was now. This was here. In his time. Not in the past. And she was saying the exact same things he'd been saying countless times, and he knew what that'd felt like. Being in so much despair. Without any help. With people who were barely even there. It was a horrible thing to go through on your own.

"Just stop it" he muttered through gritted teeth, not exactly helpful, he knew, but at least he was saying something. Doing something. Even if for now, that meant trying to shut her up for a moment so he could get his own crazed thinking straight again. Only to soften back up a bit when he realized how...dumb it all was. So after a moment of struggling and taking a deep breath, he walked back over to her and slid down the wall right beside her, so he could sit next to her on the ground, keep her company.

"This place is a psychiatric hospital" he answered her question, making each 'p' pop as he did so. "Y'know. Where they put crazy people" he went on with a little laugh, and sure enough, maybe that did make him sound just a little bit crazy. Made him look the part when he gave her that grin, followed by a wink. "Though don't worry. As far I can tell, this one's a far more legit place than some of the other ones they could've put you in. Head physician seems fairly passable, compared to the previous fucking monster I had. Guess that's why some want to stay here. To get 'help'."

Sure enough. Deep down, he wanted to be one of those people. But he knew that was impossible. Given the fact that all his trauma, all his insanity stemmed from a place just like this. From 'doctors' and 'treatments'. He knew he'd never be able to trust any of them ever again. No matter how genuine and good they were at their job in these modern times. He'd always have to deal with this on his own.

When she asked him if he was real and like her, he suddenly grew a bit angry. "I am not broken" Lance clarified, eyes burning with a sudden ferocity. "They are never going to break me. So no. Guess we're not alike." Maybe that was a harsh thing to say, given the state she was in. But this was his weak spot. A sore one. And he needed everyone to get that straight.

Sadly enough, she seemed even more confused instead of calming down, the way he'd hoped he could help her. She just kept hitting him with more and more questions, making it harder and harder for him. It was only natural of course. People always liked to look up to him. To ask him to lead, to have all the answers, to be their backbone, to keep the show rolling. And sure enough, they did all of that because he'd wanted it to be that way. Needed it to be that way.

But still. It was hard to be on the constant giving end. Especially after everything he himself had been through. Why he was in here. He had so many questions of his own. Needed fucking help, too. But of course...if he thought it through, he knew that even if he was offered anything. Help. Comfort. Answers to his own questions...he wouldn't accept any of it anyway.

And oh boy, after seeing her scars, he definitely didn't want to go anywhere near any of his own problems, the scar he had. The one that perfectly displayed that yes, all of it had happened. That no, he wasn't crazy. That all of it had been real.

"Gemma." he said, firmly, after a moment of closing his own eyes, battling the unrelenting flashbacks of his own ordeals the more she talked about hers. He grabbed her wrist firmly, not just to try and snap her out of it, but also to keep himself grounded in this reality, too. To keep himself from slipping, and landing right back on that operating table in a time he never should've been in.

"You are losing your mind. And you're going to keep getting worse and worse if you let everything come over you all at once. One question at a time. One problem at a time. This isn't a race. This is a fucking marathon. So try to focus. On a very few things that matter. Your name. Your self. Your truth. Who gives a shit if we're wanted. Or what others think we are and what we're not. No one gets to decide any of that but us, okay." With that, he lets go of her wrist, gets back up.

"This is how I got out the first time, this is how I'll get out the second time. Now come on. Get back up. Go to sleep. We'll talk plans when you're in a better shape than...well, this." Him too, because the longer he stayed with her, the worse he seemed to get. And he sure as fucking hell didn't want any of that. He was pretty eager to get away from her already, was pretty far down the hall when he figured that maybe, one last thing could put her clearly troubled mind at ease. Even if he had no clue if it was even true yet. He just knew that back in Collingwood, he would've given anything to hear it from someone else but himself.

"For what it's worth: I believe you. It happened. But that's thing thing. It happened. In the past. This is now. And what you make of it is up to you. Just not tonight, okay. Not like this."

This place, was this hell? Everything seemed blank. If she did not know better, she would assume nothing had been meant to exist here or that anything existed in this space. Was this what hell was? Or was this the famous attic Gemma had was threatened with?

‘I don’t deserve this. No one does… What if, what if I die here? Who would know- Who would hear my story and my cries for mercy?’ No one. Gemma knew that yet part of her hoped the answer would change.

Her mind raced as a million thoughts tried to form into words. Gemma should not be here. They did this to her. They broke her in ways that no one could understand. Why could the doctors here not see that? Gemma screamed for so long, and all they did was ignore her. Why? What did she do to deserve this treatment? Noticing the man seemed not to pay Gemma much mind. She sighed. Was this going to be someone else who would ignore those pleas? ‘Gemma remember… You have to remember-’ Face turns blank for a second. What if this was not real? What if this was a memory she was reliving? That THEY implanted? No. The blood was real. That rage she felt, it was all real. Or it seemed to have all happened to her. Resting her back against the wall, she let the freezing temperature of the wall wash over her. ‘I have to remember. I can not forget who I am.’

What if they came back for her? Maybe if- ‘They are not coming back, Gemma. They did not want you in the first place. Sane people do not do that to children and continue it for years.’ “I was trying to be my best… I could have been my best. I didn’t mean to snap…” Gemma muttered silently. As she slid down the wall, the realization hit her. Those horrible people locked her away to keep her hidden. “I am not supposed to be here- I need to get out..” Eyes darted around the hallway. Why were there not many people out? Was- Was HE even real? Or was he like her, had her father been doing the same thing to other people? Was this where they dumped the people they broke past the point of no return?

Blinking, Gemma could see the blood. She never knew that a person could bleed that much. Cheeks became bright red at the thought. Gemma wanted to forget that. Yet, she could not. The guilt, something she did not understand, slowly ate at her since that night. 'He deserved it, Gemma. He was hurting you. They all were. He just happened to feel your wrath.'

“Who wouldn’t want to leave this place… What even is this place? I-” The question needed answering. Gemma did not know if she could trust anyone. “Are you real? Or are you like me? Broken and remade only to be broken again… Did they hurt you too?” The question nearly broke the woman as she sat on the cold tile floor. Even if this place was clean, it felt so D I R T Y. It damn near made her fucking sick. “There has to be a way out of here,” she mutters, “I need to find it.” Her head began to hurt, a dull throb that she knew would build over time, the lights overhead not making it any better. Watching the man approach the window, she noticed how he kept his distance. Did he fear her too? Did he know what she did to get here? Did everyone know and think of her as a monster? ‘I am not a monster-’ she reminds herself, ‘I did it to survive.’

What was CCTV? The woman’s head cocks to the side. These words were new to her. Hell, a lot of things were new to her. “What is CCTV? I don’t… I don’t know what that is, sorry. And, I am sure I can outrun them… I’ve run fast before. How far is it to a town or at least somewhere safe?” It made sense to her. To outrun the guards, maybe this man would not help her, but she would do it. Alone. Once she was past the cameras, it was easy to hide, right? How bad could the outside world be, and from there, she could make her own life. Become who SHE wanted to be. Hands slowly raise to her temples, tenderly touching them, trying to ease the pain. The more she thought and stressed, the worse it got, but she needed to escape this hell.

“Chosen one? What does that mean? If you and I are here, doesn’t that mean we are both broken? And we aren’t wanted? They keep us here because we have done something that makes us worthy of being kept away.” The woman did not mean to offend him, but, it appeared Lance was lied to. “I don’t… I don’t understand how you are a chosen one when it seems like we are locked away. Wouldn’t the chosen one be free?” Eyes watch his hand gestures. They were odd, that was for sure. However, the sarcasm went over her head. It was something she had yet to learn. “So, then, why do they believe you are brain dead? If you aren’t? Or do you play this like a game? Pretending that you are this braindead? You think I could play it too, and we could get out?” Gemma would try anything to get out of here, though the more she talked to this man, the more she wondered what his story was.

“Nice to meet you too, Lance. You can well, you know, call me Gemma… Even if I tell you another name. My name is Gemma.” She urged the man to understand that her name was, in fact, Gemma and nothing else. The woman figured he did not want to touch hands, so she retracted the hand. Sticking it in the pocket with the fork. Gemma had no plans on using it. For now, Lance had given her no reason to. “You got out… Then you can do it here, right? Wait- There are other places like this?” The woman looked confused, was there more like her? Just how long had these things been going on? The anxiety that was yet to be treated or even diagnosed began to make her feel like she could not breathe. “They have to believe me, though, Lance. It did happen. How else would I have these?” Gemma showed the two scars on her temples, “how could these happen? And why would I lie about what they did to me? How can I focus on myself when I feel like I am losing my memory and mind!” Closing her eyes, she tried ignoring the pain, but it was becoming harder to do so, “how will I figure out a plan? And know the right moment? Is that what you are doing?” @demcnsinmymind (just incase Tumblr is messing up.)

[peoplesgraves]

Can you do a Yandere gaang head cannons please.

Yandere Gaang Headcanons

•The only way to survive the gaang with your sanity in tact is to learn about your yanderes and quickly too.

•On their own, each member is already terribly annoying, you don’t even want to think about when they’d team up.

•Katara is by far the worst to be stuck alone with. She quickly goes from fearsome waterbending master to an overbearing mother. Her hands tangle in your hair pulling your scalp raw until it’s tangle free and pulled into a perfect braid. Then she makes you some water tribe food that tastes like dirt and looks like it too until finally it’s time for bed. Sure the sun may have only set an hour ago but better asleep then dealing with one of Katara’s lullabies. The lyrics weren’t so bad but she was horribly tone deaf.

•next we have Sokka. It was painfully obvious that him and Katara has grown up together because while Katara treated you as a child to be taken care of, Sokka treated you like some kind of messed up mom/girlfriend hybrid. Suddenly the tactician and inventor you knew was replaced by a brain dead simpleton. He’d get so consumed doodling insulting portraits of you that he’d forget to eat until his stomach was shaking the nearby trees with hungry growls. So of course the burden of cooking was put on you. Then suddenly he’s gotten sap in his hair and needed you to get it out. You did feel a tad better when you managed to get the sap out along with a chunk of hair. Serves him and his new bald spot right.

•As for Aang he was fine. He was closer to his normal self then anyone else and that was something you could appreciate. Your time together was spent doing normal person things. You never realized how much you missed normal people things until you hadn’t been to the market or swam in the river in so long that you’d forgotten what it all felt like. It was good. Until there was a misstep no matter how small. Something like a stubbed toe had Aang taking you back to your prison where he and Katara would fuss over you for the rest of the day.

•Toph was pretty fun. She let you do what you wished and if you happened to get a scratch or a bruise she’d help you hide it from the rest of the gaang. She didn’t treat you like you were anything other then what you were and that was enough for you to overlook how she’d beat up anyone who looked at you or ravaa forbid touched you. It helped that after it happened she’d always find something to distract you like that new unfried dough stand. Honestly you didn’t feel too bad about the people she bruises. Better she take it out on them then you.

•Zuko is a step up from Toph because not only will he let you do just about anything you want but he’s also completely powerless when it comes to you. Of course you can fill his hair with little braids and use berry juice to paint his face like some mythical creature. If the juice happens to stain you know he’d never get mad at you. It doesn’t hurt then when you’re together you can actually see the sadness leaving his eyes. You felt better when you could make him feel better.

•finally we have Suki. The best of the horrible bunch. She has her issues of course but she’s one of the only ones who will call the others out when they go to far. She’s not afraid to go toe to toe with any of them and that’s something you needed. Someone to protect you at least a bit. To show you that you’re not crazy or dramatic. She even let you complain about them to her without guilting you or getting upset. She’s the only one who actually took some of your criticisms to heart and tries.

•So overall the gaang is a mess. They can save the world but not form a healthy relationship. All I can say is good luck Charlie.

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer’s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...