#but I think it’s important to document aroace feelings

[llamamonger]

So my dear friend I thought could be on the aroace spectrum is now actually attracted to someone & about to commit to a romantic relationship. If my heart hadn’t been broken a long time ago, I would say this is heartbreaking. But it feels more like lava hardening over after a long eruption. I knew this was the likely outcome from the beginning of this friendship, over 3 years ago, but when there was still the wild (stupid) hope that I could be their best friend, their person forever, there was never any real closure. But now I know I could never be that kind of priority. I was able to at least express a few things I’ve always wanted them to know (namely, that I love them & they’ve been special to me from the beginning, & that I chose to be their friend despite knowing I’d lose them because they were worth it). I told them I’d miss them, since we both know we’d end up spending less time together. They told me they’d miss me, too. Which is better than nothing. I told them that’s the first time in 10 years someone’s said that to me and meant it. I didn’t tell them that person soon after didn’t miss me at all & eventually didn’t want to be friends at all. I didn’t manage to clearly tell them I’d wished we could be best friends—that’s my only regret since I had the perfect opportunity to say it & fumbled. But it’s probably better I didn’t, since any response less than positive would’ve topped off my rejection level at “catastrophic.” I guess I feel like I’ve done everything I can now—their romantic interest is a good person this time & someone I would trust to take care of them. I just wish I had been enough.

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @adhduck

Please give it up for the nicest and one of the most creative writers in this fandom: Duck! I'm just such a fan because not only does Duck manage to write the softest, gentlest, loveliest Ed and Stede (both together and apart), their fics somehow perpetually keep me looking like 🥹 all the time ough. And they were very very nice about sharing their writing process with me:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

Mostly it’s the Taika “look at a document for 8 hours and then close the document,” honestly. I’m a very slow writer and lose motivation very easily, so I mostly get by on the muse’s fire hydrant and forcing myself to write those fifty words even when every single one feels so bad.

I go moooostly beginning to end because even though I’m generally an outliner, I always end up with little details that will affect later scenes and I don’t wanna lose continuity or have to rewrite a bunch. However, I do definitely let myself do a [finish this scene later] and move on to the next scene because otherwise I will get really fucking stuck, and sometimes I’ll write a line or a paragraph I thought of that sounds really good and tuck it away for a later scene.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing?

Ooooooooh, I don’t know if this is a trope but there’s just nothing I love more than huge feelings contained in mundane stories, of feelings so big you can’t actually express them and so they’re this constant hum throughout the story. I also love writing about touch for both of them, how Ed gives casual touch to hide the deep well of desire for intimate touch, how Stede is so unused to touch and craves it so deeply. (Can you tell I just really like subtle yet overwhelming emotions? Maybe it’s the aroace in me idk but that shit hits HARD.) Oh, and I love a fuckin’ allegory or object to discuss all those big feelings, whether it’s monsters or gardening or peaches or what the fuck ever (I have used all of these lol).

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

I think Ed’s voice comes to me faster because the way I personally speak is closer to Ed’s voice, but it also means I’m sometimes double-checking myself to make sure I’m still deep in his voice, not my-voice-but-Ed. Stede isn’t necessarily harder for me, I’m just doing all that double-checking to make sure I’m not slipping into Ed voice or, god forbid, Aziraphale-lite voice. So, idk! I love writing them both, the little details of each of their inner dialogues are SO important to me (Ed’s tangents and his pshh-I-don’t-care moments, Stede actively avoiding thinking about things he doesn’t want to face, etc etc etc).

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

For the longest time it was There is Love That Doesn’t Have a Place to Rest, mostly because it was posted the day before another fic and, while I find them to be siblings and equal quality,  the other one got way more attention. That fic is about the time between signing the Act of Grace and getting to the academy and I think I really nailed where the two of them are at.

However! (And I know this is cheating okay shh.) Nowadays the one that I wish people read the most is Not Only the Sugar, But the Days. It’s the sequel to my “offscreen 30 year slowburn friends to lovers finally get together” fic and I put my whole fucking heart into it, honestly. The two boys basically go on a bunch of dates to live out the teenage experiences they never got together and work through the biggest feelings and I just! Really want people to see it! (It also can be read as a standalone, which I didn’t advertise super well lol.)

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

Unfortunately it’s probably “just” or “a little” or filler words like that. Also obviously if the word fuck counts then, yeah, that. Maybe warm? Or something about yearning??? If I have a classic word please tell me I’m fascinated by this idea.

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

The person who beta’s for basically all my fics is Owen @trans-top-stede and they are sooooo fucking helpful and incredible. So good at catching all the little things I miss, making sex scenes make sense, reminding me positioning in general is a thing, cheerleading me on, etc etc etc. My fics are so much better for their help.

Why OFMD 🥹

Ed and Stede just fit so fucking well into all sorts of AU’s (they try to invent their own AU’s in canon, even) while also having so much fun space to explore within canon. Their range is also perfect perfect perfect for writing fics—they can be in the wells of misery and fluffy as fuck and obnoxiously cheesy and realistic all in the same fic, if you want, and it’s completely accurate to their canon selves. It’s also helped me to embrace being silly and cheesy and earnest because life is about being yourself and finding your people and feeling deeper, feeling bigger, feeling more authentically without fear of being too much. Fuck I just really love these boys. (Also they’re so pretty and the whole crew’s so pretty we WON.)

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[drstanfordpines]

barfing very incomplete stanford thoughts here bc i need to get them out of my brain or i’ll actually explode

hypervigilance headcanon go brrrrr (this one prob isn’t new to y’all; it’s practically canon with how he acts & seems to be popular in the ford fan community from what i’ve seen, i just want to amp it up some more. turn up that there angst dial babey!). more to this: jumpy at many things including but not limited to fast/unexpected movements, loud/unexpected sounds, etcetera.

gets really annoyed when people pronounce et cetera “exetra”.

studied latin in college. like a fucking nerd

paranoia but what if we added More. i said TURN THE DIAL UPPPPPPPPPPP

journal 3 says he is excited to hear newest eurythmics chart topper so i’m assuming he’s a fan. i want mabel to show him new music. i’m definitely going to project my music taste onto mabel. i also want him to hear WAP for the first time. i think it would be funny.

he’s either aroace or bi all around or some combination of those thangs, ie he has the same amount of attraction to all genders which is either a “normal” amount or possibly less or none (yes i am projecting. it’s called being valid and sexy). in other words: he doesn’t really understand romantic or sexual attraction and tbh he doesn’t care to. he has more nerdy important things to do. that being said he has def dated fiddleford and had a thing with bill (i feel like “dated” definitely isn’t the right term for the relationship of ford and bill. idk man i’m having thoughts at a million miles per hour rn i’ll explain later or whatever)

legitimately believed for a large portion of his life that anyone who gets close to him is either a) evil and wants to hurt him/the people he cares about OR b) inevitably going to get hurt/killed (or worse) because of what he called “the stanford effect”; basically the thought that he is Cursed™️ so he must isolate himself to save others from the effects of the curse or whatever the fuck

despite all the shit he’s been through, he does not identify as superstitious. he is first and foremost a scientist babey.

during his time in the portal, he clung onto his identity as a scientist desperately. i hc that he had to do some really fucked up shit to survive out there, and that he kept a series of field journals (or just one digital field journal would be easier probably) documenting his experiences as a way to keep himself sane (or as sane as he could be given the situation).

[martsonmars]

Hello friends! Happy Wednesday and thanks @facewithoutheart @hushed-chorus @fatalfangirl @artsyunderstudy @larkral @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @forabeatofadrum for the tags. I'm feeling pretty sad and in need of queer joy today, so I decided to force myself to start writing my server exchange fic. I didn't get very specific prompts, which means that I can share everything I want without risking to reveal my giftee.

So have a snippet from it:

Maybe I am making him up, because there's no way—

“Hello, Snow,” he says. “I see your eating habits haven't improved in the slightest.”

And the spell is broken. My feet fall to the floor dragging a pile of probably important documents with them, and I sit up straighter, like a bloody dog reacting to the voice of his owner.

Because this is really, unmistakably, obviously Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

I put my sandwich down on a napkin, forcing myself to swallow a bite that could probably kill me, but there's nothing I can do about my whole face and shirt situation. I don't have other napkins. Not that napkins could salvage any of this.

“It's my lunch break,” I mumble, desperately wiping my fingers one at a time on the corner of the napkin not covered by the rest of my food.

I see the eyebrow rise on his forehead before it happens. “At 10 in the morning?”

I'm having fun with this, I think.

Under the cut, little bonus and tags <3

Soooo I have plans to pick up again one of my WIPs this month, and today I opened the document and found out I have more material for the next chapter than I remembered. Here's a tiny snippet from that 🍋 (I wanted to put a 😘 emoji but my finger slipped...I guess the lemon is accurate for this WIP, though, @thewholelemon 😉😏)

We haven't talked much all week. I want to fool myself into believing it's because we were busy — Simon with a last minute shoot for a Christmas ad, me with a thousand recipe reels to film and a draft to continue before getting another screamed voice message from Bunce — but in truth I'm simply reverting to old mechanisms. Ignore my problems until they go away or blow up in my face. My problems being that Simon kissed me and then locked himself in the bathroom.

I want to be so ready for Christmas in July.

@wellbelesbian @sillyunicorn @palimpsessed @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @johnwgrey @confused-bi-queer @bookish-bogwitch @letraspal @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @bazzybelle @ivelovedhimthroughworse @orange-peony @ic3-que3n @whogaveyoupermission @shrekgogurt @raenestee @onepintobean @stitchyqueer @technetiumai @brilla-brilla-estrellita @theimpossibledemon @j-nipper-95 @imagineacoolusername @sosoapi @blackberrysummerblog @yellobb @theearlgreymage @rimeswithpurple @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @whatevertheweather @moodandmist @dragoneggos @takitalks @gekkoinapeartree @ionlydrinkhotwater @erzbethluna @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @jbrrring @shemakesmeforget @captain-aralias @nightimedreamersworld

[sobeksewerrat]

✨and🏳️‍🌈 with Hazbin for the ask game

(Also do I have permission to rant about Alastor to you. I hate that fucker so much.)

(yes you do. Please do it actually)

Note: added the cut cos I ended up yapping

✨what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

Tough one. Honestly part of it is that I cannot control my AuDHD and part of it is that it has a lot of potential and possible ideas?? I find myself to be more attached to media I can play around with, only God knows how many TMF fanfics, wips and AUs I used to have, and Hazbin is perfect for that.

Besides, I would consider myself to be religious and I'm quite interested in stories based on mythology and religion, and the core concept of Hazbin intrigued me as a Muslim (funfact! In Islam hell is temporary for most people iirc LMFAO). Also, what better way to explore my religious trauma?!

And it's chock-full of potentially interesting characters and dynamics that go unexplored, so that ties back into the first point.

And last but not least, I tend to be a fan of objectively bad and/or very controversial stuff (*coughs* danganronpa, mlb, Jeff the killer-)

I could yap forever about my love-hate relationship with Hazbin but I think I should stop here for now.

🏳️‍🌈do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

YES!! TOO MANY ACTUALLY!!! Here are some of my faves :3

Adam is SWANA, mostly projecting but all abrahamic religions originated from the SWANA region soooo (obviously the term SWANA and the region prolly didn't exist when Adam was first created but shush) And my Eve is black BTW!

Transmasc Adam!! This headcannon is so, so important to me. So important I created multiple AUs with lore documents about it. I could write an essay about why I headcannon him as that. Multiple, actually.

Albino Lute!! I hc they're SWANA too (and Heavenborn, don't ask how, idk either) , but they have albinism (her natural eye colour is very light blue, they wear gold contacts).

NONBINARY LUTE WITH SHE/THEY PRONOUNS ‼‼‼

the exorcists, mainly Lute n Vaggie, as Adam's daughters (biologically or otherwise)!! I can't live without that headcannon and I'm so fucking upset there's not enough content about it out there

Autistic Lute and Cain (my oc at least). They inherited it from Adam. And Eve has anxiety, we've established that. She also has OCD. Trust me. And ADHD Abel. And Vaggie with PTSD (they all have it but her especially

AroAce Charlie and Angel Dust!! Ik they're bi and gay respectively, but who says they can't be both?

AroAce Lesbian Lute too.

Asexual Adam!! I already wrote an essay as to why I hc that but since then the hc expanded and I can write a better, updated one. Won't be as lengthy as my hypothetical trans Adam one, but still full of yapping. 

Adam wears his mask not out of insecurity (for the most part) or protection (that thing is LED, it ain't protective) but because he was recognised by one of his children during the first Extermination (even though he had already transitioned by then). Let's just say that didn't turn out well, and Adam was unresponsive for days. 

Adam is genuinely afraid of most things, even silly stuff to us like the dark. Because even though us modern people have the privilege of artificial lights, not living in the wild, medicine, etc.- he didn't. He was literally a caveman. A fever could kill anyone in his family. The night meant being at risk of being eaten. Water can and will kill you because of the bazillion bacteria inside. Winter meant death if you didn't have a fire going 24/7 or covered yourself up with anything. But, he hides his fears because he thinks they're fucking embarrassing (even though it's very clearly untreated trauma)

Adam loves his kids, truly. He fucked up A LOT (killed thousands of them and the whole Vaggie situation), but that doesn't mean he hates them.he just learned not to get attached to them. 

ADAM ‼ HAS ‼ ABANDONMENT ‼ ISSUES‼

Adam lowkey feels he doesn't deserve his spot in Heaven.

I literally came up with this like an hour or two ago with @an-theduckin but Adam actually did believe in redemption once and tried to advocate for it. Till he didn't. Wonder why that is 👀 (got a fic idea I won't finish. Dw abt it)

Adam gaining weight as a form of healing‼ I imagine he was deathly skinny on Earth due to food insecurity, and even though he improved after they invented agriculture and got better at hunting, he was still clearly unhealthy (and popping out the entire human population at the time didn't help). And also he just likes his appearance this way (fuck you Lucifer and your stupid fat joke)

ADAM LOVED HIS WIFE!!! SHE LOVED HIM TOO!!! OH MY GOD GUYS PLEASE GET IT RIGHT.

In a perfect world, Adam would've been Charlie's uncle/father figure. 

Lute and Vaggie cared about each other, things just kind of…well, yk how it ended. Lute has immense amounts of guilt over the whole situation, but they'll never admit it. Especially not after Vaggie started being involved the Lucifer's fucking daughter. 

Adam's secretly a feminist. I'm not even gonna elaborate, figure out my reasoning yourself. 

Vaggie grieved Adam and her fallen sisters after they died in the finale. Of course, she'll never admit it. (I HAVE A FIC WIP ABOUT THIS I HOPE TO FINISH SOMEDAY!!)

Gamer and Fandom kid Lute. This hc means so so much to me! I originally stole it from @bluexjayy ! They're really into cringey fandoms too (mainly danganronpa, FNAF, undertale and the creepypasta fandom- probably mlp too). Secretly writes fanfiction.

I have SO MANY hcs for Stan and I's Cain, Abel and Eve but I doubt anybody wants to hear them sooo

Redhead Lilith. It was ginger in Eden, turned blood red when she became a sinner. She dyes it blonde.

Annnddddd I think I should stop now oh my god I'm so sorry for yapping again Thanks for the ask though!! Please feel free to rant about Alastor.

[mollymauktealeef]

Self Rec Tag Game

tagged by the wonderful @hello-eeveev!!

Rules: Share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.). Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made.

1.something you absolutely adore

a winter's crest detour [mature, caleb/essek]

the idea for this fic actually went through two different fandoms before coming to light in critical role. i'd signed up for a christmas hallmark movie prompt thing and sadly didn't get my pick, so i left cause i got unreasonably attached to this one idea and so it came with me as i moved into another fandom where about 10k got written before the muse abandoned me until shadowgast ate my life and here we are. its probably the most self indulgent fic i've ever written, purely created for moi and i love it, bonus other people seemed to like it too! woo!

2. something that was challenging to create

the edge of the blade [teen, caleb/essek]

a full YEAR in the making, this is my biggest, longest, most EVERYTHING fic. i love it, i had so much fun writing it but boy was it hard work. the time, the energy that went into this. i really challenged myself to dig deep for essek's emotions and insecurities and i'm really proud of how it turned out. i definitely improved as a writer because of the challenges this fic liked to throw at me

3. something that makes you laugh (or smile, if that fits more comfortably)

long may they reign chapter 3 [gen, caleb/essek]

not gonna lie this is one of my comfort fics that i re-read of my things that always makes me feel better. i love the dynamic of being so comfortable and in love that the simplest acts of affection become automatic and the realisation of those acts can lead to a deeper sense and understanding of that love. i'm a sucker for the old married couple troupe.

4. something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.)

keep me warm [explicit, caleb/essek]

listen i am not a smut writer, it is not one of my strengths, it's very difficult for me and even the smallest scene requires days/weeks/months of writing cause i just struggle with it so damn much, (maybe she's (gnc) born with it, maybe its maybelline the aroace of it all). the idea for this fic just grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go so i put word to document and it actually came out alright, i was pleasantly surprised that i actually managed to put what was in my head into the fic in a very good way so very proud of myself for it

5. something you want other people to see

act i. the interloper [gen, caleb/essek]

ok ok ok i know i haven't finished parts 2 and 3 yet, YET! but i love how this series is shaping up even though it has grown beyond the teeny tiny wee fun little three part fluff ball it was meant to be into something so big and with feelings, think fluff ball the size of one of those stupidly big plastic tourist attractions they've got out in america. i love looking into old courting practices and seeing what would fit and connect with the culture of the drow and just being able to explore different aspects of their relationship and the important moments to them as well. part three especially has me a little teary cause its gonna be so gosh darn sweet so yeah, stay tuned i am writing it, its just bigger than originally designed lol

tag you're it: @aithilin, @mollymawkwrites, @ruvigapo, @mardyart, @glossolali mwah! show off your goods and wares darlings!!

[roachbot]

My understanding of Love and the Human Emotions that follow

♠️A document by an Aroace person♠️

Love is complicated, confusing, and fluctuating. this is something that holds true no matter what kind of love you may be experiencing. this is my side of things as someone who does not experience romantic or sexual attraction.

I myself am a sex-repulsed romance-neutral aromantic and asexual person. I have done a lot of research and observation over the years regarding Love and its many forms. in this post, I will be covering mostly the emotional side of things. 

when you say the word ‘Love’ most of the time, many people’s minds will jump straight to Romance and Romantic love, which is fair considering that’s the variant of love that is most commonly seen used in media or in current day discussion of it. Romantic love is the love towards a romantic partner or possible romantic suitor. This variant of love can often be confused with Platonic or Aesthetic attraction or love, making it confusing to figure out if you're really romantically in love with someone or not. this love often leads to wanting to date or marry someone. Romantic love and Platonic love lead to the most heartbreak, but that should not be a deterrent to seeking love! heartbreak is natural and the sadness that follows is simply a part of life. yes, it hurts, but the wounds will heal and you'll move on. you just need to keep going.

even if you don't love romantically, you can still be in a romantic relationship if you choose to be. you can still be happy in a romantic or romantic presenting relationship even if you yourself do not feel the attraction. as long as you and your partner(s) are happy and safe, there shouldn't really be a problem with it. 

Romantic love can be soft, fuzzy, and lovely. sometimes it can be sharp and glorious, sometimes it can be the the driving force of your soul.

Now, my personal favorite form of Love, Platonic. these are friends, non-romantic partners, and alike. Platonic love too has many forms, i will make an attempt to cover them in this section. This is a kind of love that doesn't necessarily lead to Romantic Love or courting of any kind, its also not an ‘in-between’ to Romantic love. Platonic love is not lesser to Romantic love. Romantic and Platonic love are equals in my eyes, they can both be important to a person, a lover shouldn't be seen as better than a friend just because they're your lover, we’re all just people at the end of the day.

Platonic love too can be soft, fuzzy, warm, lovely, glorious, a driving force in a soul, it can be one of the best feelings

now, one offshoot of Platonic love I must discuss, the bond of Best Friends. someone you truly connect with, someone you truly Love. someone that makes you feel complete in some way or another. for myself, its someone I've truly clicked with, someone who I feel true and genuine familiarity with, someone who I know I can trust, who trusts me as well. a strong bond like this goes both ways, and can take quite a bit to forge, but by god is it worth it. you always have someone you can turn to, someone who you love who you know loves you too. I've had plenty of friends in my life, but for years I never felt a true connection. when I first found my best friend and started bonding with him, my eyes were really opened. I didn't think it was possible to be this similar to someone, for the first time in my goddamn life, I felt similar to someone. I love him. I truly do. it feels good to have him in my life. [he’s probably reading this, Hi💜I love you!!] I would do nearly anything for my dearest friend, he’s like a brother to me, he is what I hold dear. I may be a poet, but there truly is no amount of words that I could put in any order to accurately grasp how much he means to me. but that's enough about myself and my little love-rant about my best friend, I've still got quite a bit to go.

another that can go hand-in-hand with platonic depending on how you look at it is Familial love. this is the love of family, viewing people as your family, whether it be brotherly, sisterly, parental, etc. this is an important one. now- family by no means has to be your blood relatives. for some people, their blood relatives are rat bastards that don't deserve their time, so they shouldn't be seen as family if the person so chooses they aren't. you are not obligated to love your blood if they don't give you a reason to. I am a firm believer in “don't be afraid to cut a bitch off if they're detrimental to your health” you and your health comes first. HOWEVER, other people do see their blood relatives as their family, and that's great! family can be anything really, it can be you and your blood, it can be you and your tight knit group of friends, it can be you and your pets, family is whatever your heart says it is. family isn't limited by blood.

now, I should touch on Sexual love, but this section will be light due to my lack of knowledge/expertise and disgust for the topic. yes, people fuck, that's what most animals do to reproduce, whatever who gives a shit its stupid I don't care. moving on. 

now, Aesthetic love is an interesting thing, its finding things beautiful or (generally)visually appealing in some way, there isn't much to say on this one. it can sometimes be mistaken for romantic or sexual attraction, despite not being linked to either of those directly

love is a quite a feeling. its something I find glorious, something amazing, something that is truly worth it. of course there's always ups and downs but that's how it is with nearly everything in life. feeling that true buzz that love gives you is something I live for. gotta adore those little brain chemicals <3<3<3 they can make you do anything for a person, live for a person, kill for a person, die for a person, it can drive you insane, put you back together, and so many other strings of sayings i could paste together to get my point across. 

I love my best friend, and I know he loves me too. its an amazing feeling, but god I wish I had the words for it. I just want to give him my heart so that feeling could flow his veins as it does mine. no words can express a feeling best left felt.

there's still a lot that has gone unsaid in this post, and that’s alright. when it comes to feelings and human minds, the best person to figure out how it works for you is you. your understanding of love or how you experience it could be way different from mine, and that's okay. all humans are a little different, and all minds have their own way of processing life. its your job to take a look at how your brain works and piece it together for yourself.

I'm better at answering questions rather than explaining things in one go like this, so if anyone who sees this has any questions- my ask box is open ^^

well, that's all for this post, remember to take care of yourself and check in on those YOU love :-) ~Goblin ‘Roachbot’ 

[shitty little footer image by me <3]

[arofili]

i haven't read the silmarillion or anything related but i was wondering how do elves's fëas work?? like i read somewhere about them sharing this fëa bond with people they marry so their fëas meet and that's what makes the marriage marriage in the first place. but im not really sure about that, don't people's fëas normally touch even if they're not married? and what happens if they do touch? this is weirdly specific but im just curious,,,you don't have to answer if you don't want to ofc! thank you if you do answer my curiosities haha and you still don't, ty too! (i asked you this bc i feel like you have a lot of knowledge about elfs)

Hey anon! So, a lot of what you're talking about is fanon, though it does have basis in canon. From "Laws and Customs among the Eldar" we learn about fëar and hröar and elvish (largely Noldorin, to be specific) marriage customs.

It's worth noting, though, that LaCE underwent many revisions and is a highly dubious document as it was written in-universe by Aelfwine, a mortal from the 9th century CE who found the Straight Road to Valinor. That concept in and of itself is a framing device for Tolkien's "translation" of the Red Book into English, and isn't one he kept consistent throughout his writing or one he was ever fully satisfied with - it never made it into the texts published within his lifetime, and doesn't make an appearance in the published Silm, either. And as I said in a previous meta dealing with LaCE:

Maybe this is something Tolkien changed his mind on between writing LaCE and writing this section of what became the published Silm. Or maybe this is an in-universe distinction: the in-universe writer of LaCE is unclear but implied to be a human, not an elf, possibly Aelfwine; the writer of the Silm as we see it is Christopher Tolkien’s edits of JRRT’s translation of Bilbo’s translation of Noldorin loremasters, the chief of whom was Pengolodh. It’s complicated.

That being said:

LaCE doesn't actually offer that much information on the nature of elvish fëar in relation to marriage. We do get the quote that "It was the act of bodily union that achieved the marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete." Since human concepts of marriage are mostly legal/social engagements, and by no means indissoluble, this strongly implies something different is going on with elven fëar when they marry, but it's not stated outright. Still, the wording of "bond" in relation to "marriage" gives rise to the fan-embellished concept of a "marriage bond" that is very popular in fic/meta about elf marriages.

This concept is further supported by the description that a "greater share and strength of their being, in mind and body" is required for elves to create children (when compared to Men). It implies a closeness between a married couple where their "minds" (aka fëar) are as involved in the child-making process as their bodies. Later it is specified that after marriage, elves remain individual people with individual "gifts of mind and body that differ" - a strange thing to emphasize if there was not the possibility for misconstruing married elves as becoming literally one being.

For elves, marriage is forever: the Valar state that "marriage resides ultimately in the will of the fëa." Yet later in the same paragraph, it is explained that elves who are re-embodied need to be married again, because marriage is also of the body and the first body had perished. Confusing!

There are more notes about fëar in this essay, and the concept is mentioned in other places as well, but that's the basic gist of the concept AFAIK. (I highly recommend perusing LaCE yourself if you're interested in this topic! And remember that this is fandom, you can accept or discard certain aspects of the document as you see fit. I know I do.)

Most of your questions deal in extrapolation from canon - I would argue there's a strong basis for the concept of a marriage bond in LaCE, but it's not explicitly spelled out. I can't give you firm answers, but here are my personal headcanons about fëar and bonds. Everything that follows is headcanon, unless I explicitly state otherwise.

Elves are born with bonds with their parents; these bonds are important for the health and happiness of a growing child. (There's another line in LaCE about how the parting of parents and children in their youth is "a grievous thing," which is my starting place for this particular headcanon.) I also think that they have bonds with their siblings, though this is less supported; I just think that living with and sharing parents with someone is likely to foster the slower/less formal creation of a bond. Twins, however, are born with strong bonds between one another, having shared a womb.

(I also think certain Unbegotten elves - aka the first 144 elves who awoke at Cuiviénen - came into being with bonds, thus allowing for Unbegotten elves to have siblings, like Elwë, Olwë, and Elmo. But you could also argue that, depending on how you deal with timelines, those three brothers are not Unbegotten and were born the "normal" way.)

Then there are chosen bonds. These are the kind we hear discussed (albeit vaguely) in LaCE. Marriage bonds specifically are formed when elves "unite in body" and invoke the name of Eru. My personal (aroace) take on this is that sex makes the process of bonding much easier and faster, the naming of Eru and the intent to bond is what's really important, so if a couple would rather not have sex they can still bond. And it also opens up room for debate on which specific sexual acts count when it comes to bonding, what would happen if Eru's name wasn't invoked, etc.

But I also think bonds can be created in contexts other than marriage - found family, for example. I've seen this most discussed in the context of Kidnap Dads, but it could apply in many scenarios: you decide you want X person to be part of your family, and that means you want to bond with them. In the case of orphaned children, if you go with the idea that they need a parent-child bond in order to develop properly, this could provide substitute/adoptive parents to fill that role. Or it could be that you feel like a certain person is your sibling, but you weren't born of the same parents, but you still want them to officially be your family, so you form a sibling-bond with them. These are bonds that occur without the ~physical union~, and therefore take more time and effort, and thus are less common - but they do happen.

All these bonds are basically the same in terms of function: they make ósanwë (mind-to-mind/telepathic communication) much easier and more natural, they connect two fëar together in an indissoluble way, they show a depth of commitment and love between the bonded eldar. But they are valued differently in society, and created/brought into being in different circumstances.

As for fëar "touching" - that is, in my opinion, poetic license for communication/closeness through such a bond. If you touch your spouse's fëa, for example, that's connecting with them to see how they're feeling, possibly passing along comfort or a message, etc. This "touching" is basically ósanwë, I guess? Which, in my headcanon, you can do if you're not bonded to someone, it just takes more effort and closer proximity if you don't have a bond in place.

Hope this helps, anon! Feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions!

[howdoistopleavingcupsinmyroom]

Just a list of my qpr headcanons!

Fandom has always been a way for me to work out my identity and finding characters like me and in relationships like the ones I want has always been really helpful, plus I really like documenting and making lists and such. maybe other people will appreciate this too, and if not who cares I think it’s fun :D

this is a pretty long post, so the list itself is below the cut!

Disclaimer: all of these are headcanons! if its not how you see the characters that's fine! this is just how I personally read them, no stress if you don't agree

1. Rapunzel, Eugene, and Cassandra from Tangled the Series

I mean, look at them.

By the end of the show the writers weren’t even pretending they weren’t all together in some sense.

I didn’t read Cassandra and Eugenes bond as romantic, I read it more as a very close platonic bond that surpasses a typical friendship in the level of involvement in each other’s lives. Rapunzels bond with Cassandra was more romantic in nature, as was Rapunzels bond with Eugene. But they were all extremely close and all clearly care about each other very much, in a way that I read as very queerplatonic. I mean rather than ending with a kiss from the “main couple” (Rapunzel and Eugene) they ended on this shot right here. I love it.

Personally I read Cassandra as demiromantic and lesbian, Rapunzel as grey-ace and bisexual, and Eugene as the supportive heterosexual. He’s so supportive of his bi wife and I love that for him.

I love this ship because of how clear it is how much they all care about each other. The found family vibes with Cassandra and Eugene are also amazing.

2. Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens

I know many read these two as in love and that’s a perfectly valid reading, but for me personally I always saw them as in a qpr!

I almost immediately headcanoned them both as aroace as soon as I saw them. Partially because of the whole angel thing and partially because that’s just the vibes I get.

I really love their relationship, their dynamic is so fun and they’re clearly extremely close, and you can really tell they’ve been together for an extremely long time. And know each other better than anyone. They’re the most important people in the world to each other, and they don’t have to be read as romantic. I think that’s wonderful.

3. Lapis and Peridot from Steven Universe

I love these two so much!! And honestly I don’t even have to headcanon this, the canon kinda takes care of it for me! Peridot is canonically aroace and she and Lapis live together and are raising a sentient pumpkin. What more must I say. Qpr goals honestly.

4. Sherlock and Watson from bbc Sherlock

While my opinion on these two is more complex, and they should have just been a couple and the queerbaiting/queercoding was so frustrating, I’d like to reclaim it, and say that their relationship was left ambiguous because it was actually ambiguous to them.

Sherlock clearly cares about John very much, and John also clearly cares about Sherlock too, but his feelings cause him distress, both because of the way others interpret them as romantic (which is very relatable honestly) and because he doesn’t quite seem to know what his feelings are either.

But he doesn’t need to know for him to have a fulfilling relationship with Sherlock! They live together happily, and even raise a kid together in the end. I’d even include Mary in the qpr for the time she was present on the show, I thought she was an interesting addition to their dynamic and balanced them out in a lot of ways.

5. Hunk and Pidge from Voltron Legendary Defenders

Back to my roots with Voltron! These two had the cutest friendship on the show in my opinion; always being there for each other, always understanding each other, and always working together flawlessly. Their shared interest in science and tech is great, and they even made their own ship name in canon! (Punk!!)

Ofc it’s perfectly cool if you see them as romantic! But personally, I love that it was never specified in the show because I thought that they didn’t really need romance to make their pairing any better!

I hope after the finale they have a cool house with an awesome workshop and kitchen and at least one robo pet for all their queerplatonic dreams

6. Loki, Sylvie, and Mobius from marvels Loki

Because, Loki has two hands guys!!

Personally I see he and Mobius’s relationship as closer to the realm of romantic, or at least Mobius loves Loki romantically and Loki cares about mobius a whole lot more than he’s ever cared about anyone. (Because I stand by my aromantic Loki headcanon). Loki and Sylvie I interpret as closer too queerplatonic attraction.

My personal headcanons for each of them are Mobius- gay, Sylvie- bisexual and greyromantic, Loki-bisexual and aromantic.

9. Natasha Romanov and Clint Barton from the Marvel Cinematic Universe

I love these two. They had the sweetest relationship over the course of the first three phases of the MCU. They were clearly so close, but it never really crossed into romantic territory. Clint even has a wife and kids, whom he clearly loves very much, and Natasha is like an aunt to them in canon, which I think is a very sweet detail.

Their relationship is hard to define and many people have different interpretations of it. Feelings that are hard to pin down under a specific label is what QPRs are all about! And the fact that their relationship is framed and focused on the same amount as the romantic plots in marvel movies is really amazing. I gotta give marvel kudos for that.

10. Elsa and Honeymaren from Frozen 2!

They’re all out there arguing about wether Elsa is an aroace icon or a lesbian icon; well I’m here to say that you’re all wrong; she is an aroace lesbian icon, and she is absolutely vibing in the woods with her queerplatonic partner Honeymaren :)

11. Troy, Abed, and Annie from Community!

Does this one really require an explanation?? Just look at them.

Ok but for real now. These three mean so much to me! Whether the Community writers meant to or not, I think they did a wonderful job of portraying a queerplatonic relationship with these three.

Troy and Abed were inarguably the heart and soul of Community, but Annie balances them out absolutely wonderfully! There's no better dynamic than two men totally in love and their queerplatonic lesbian soulmate. They all share an apartment, and their dynamic makes for some of my favorite episodes of the show.

As for my headcanons; Annie will always be an aromantic lesbian in my heart, I headcanon Troy as gay (guys he canonically runs a Clive Owen tumblr), and Abed is absolutely bisexual, I mean he has a bi flag sweatshirt, come on.

Sidenote, This show, through these three, gave me rep I didn’t even know I needed. The three of them, living together was exactly the kind of home life I wanted for myself, only I’d never seen it before and therefore never knew how to articulate it. They helped me understand myself and I will always be thankful for that.

And that is it! again, these are all just personal headcanons, but I hope this list was enjoyable if you made it all the way to the end! And I will say that while it is amazing that we have so many characters in relationships that are left ambiguous enough for me to project onto them, I am a bit frustrated that projection is essentially the only representation people in qprs have at the moment. I've never heard the words "queerplatonic relationship" spoken on tv.

I just hope that tv can get more comfortable portraying different kinds of relationships other than just heterosexual romance. As well as more aromantic and asexual rep in general. And yeah that’s it! thanks for reading<3

[gusu-emilu]

■ for wen ning, ♒ for jiang cheng, and hmmmm ♡ for nhs?

Send me a character + symbol from this headcanons ask game

This became quite long, so the table of contents is “WN + bedroom/house,” “JC + Cooking/food,” “NHS + Romance”

Wen Ning + ■ : Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

Wen Ning keeps his space fairly neat. His sister taught him to be organized, which was important when she was keeping a stock of medical supplies and important Wen Clan items/documents that all needed to be in their proper places. I think he lives fairly simply, as he’s a humble guy and also, I doubt that he and Wen Qing ever lived in much luxury despite being cultivators of their status. I imagine that they were always on the move, packing up and traveling from one place to another as Wen Ruohan commanded, so even until today Wen Ning only keeps a few belongings and is always ready to up-and-leave quickly if he needs to. But he’d rather not, because he’s a homebody :)

Although he does love exploring! And on that note, I see Wen Ning as similar to Wei Wuxian in that he has a lot of specific, quirky interests. He has keepsakes from all of his travels, and a few he even puts on display. And if you ask about them, he will tell you an entire story. Because sometimes when he goes for a walk, he finds a pinecone or something that looks Really Weird, so he takes it home and keeps it with his other trinkets because it reminds him of that day he found it and also it’s just cool! He has some odds-and-ends of jewelry...strange magical objects the juniors asked him about and he decided to just keep around...random things he’s salvaged from his abandoned home on Dafan Mountain...etc.

Jiang Cheng + ♒ : Cooking/food headcanon

I think Jiang Cheng would be a good cook! He makes spicy Yunmeng dishes because they’re part of his home and family traditions. And he’s not exactly one to experiment. He has the recipes he’s good at making and feels no need to change them (unless you ask him to, then he’ll try much harder than he needs to make it work).

He’s also made sure to teach the family recipes to Jin Ling. He’s not very good at explaining, so Jin Ling constantly makes mistakes during their cooking sessions simply because Jiujiu did not communicate (but Jiujiu absolutely scolds him), so everyone in Lotus Pier always knows when Jin Ling is in the kitchen because they will hear those two. Once they finish, Jiang Cheng very gruffly tells Jin Ling that he did a good job, while trying not to get too emotional about his nephew cooking things that Jiang Yanli used to and that somehow it tastes much more like her cooking when Jin Ling does it

Nie Huaisang + ♡ : Romantic headcanon

I think Nie Huaisang loves the idea of romance. He reads lots of romantic novels and poetry and gets way too involved in his friends’ love lives. Nie Huaisang is The Matchmaker. After all, he did indirectly bring Wei Wuxian back from the dead and conveniently have Lan Wangji get called to the site of his resurrection just to make Wangxian happen (I know there were other reasons but humor me, okay).

As for himself, yes, he flirts and gets very embarrassed about it immediately afterward, but the idea of being in love himself is terrifying! That’s so much work! That’s so many feelings and commitments! If someone pursued him (in a romantic manner rather than a strictly sexual manner), I think he’d run away for a long time before coming around, even if he reciprocated. But once he is in a relationship, he’d be fiercely loyal and support his partner in absolutely everything. As for himself, he might be a bit guarded, especially since he’s spent years putting up a façade, but he’d open up more eventually.

I also like the idea of asexual or aroace Nie Huaisang because I need to project onto every character. I think this could be very fitting for him, that he admires romance and sex from afar but does not want to engage in it himself. Also maybe he’s aegosexual. (This is straying from romantic headcanons but oh well)

Phew! That was a lot but very fun! Thanks for the ask <3

[agentravensong]

🖊 and Lamp!!!

Ah yes, Lamp! Love Lamp.

I actually have concept sketches for all (well, most) of these guys! These aren’t finalized per se, but I feel pretty good rn about most of them, so. Here’s Lamp!

[Image description: a pencil drawing of a short young teen named Lamp. It has a mop of messy, short, light hair, and freckles on its face and arms. They’re wearing a Legend of Zelda t-shirt, an open vest (think Dipper from Gravity Falls), sweatpants, dark sneakers, a backpack, a chew necklace, and multiple bracelets on both arms. It has an outline of wings behind it.]

I’ll talk about them below the cut.

Since this story is based in / inspired by voidpunk stuff, all the members of the main squad are nonbinary, and most are somewhere on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums. Lamp is genderqueer, going by they/it pronouns, and aroace.

Lamp grew up in the small conservative town in New Hampshire the story is set in, alongside their older sibling, Chrysanthe. Their family is Native American (part of the Abenaki nation specifically).

Lamp is currently a freshman in high school. It has ADHD, and its main hyperfixations are mythology and supernatural/paranormal stuff, particularly cryptids. They’ve been running a blog with Chrysanthe since about a year before the story starts, documenting some of the abnormal stuff they observe in town - which takes on a new importance when the woods around the town grow to trap everyone inside, accompanied by an increase in sightings of weirdness.

Lamp is, to perhaps understate it, a wild child. Its hand-me-down clothes have been stained with dirt and such from the adventures and roughhousing it gets up to. They almost never seem to run out of energy and hate being bored. They hate being told what they can do or who to be. It will call out bs wherever it sees it*, and it will fight you if you’re not nice to it or its friends**, assuming Chrysanthe doesn’t stop it. They care very little what other people think of them - at least, they try not to, but RSD can be a bitch.

*This trait of Lamp’s also manifests as it being able to cut to the core of what is upsetting its friends, making it easier for it or others to help them.

**The “you” here includes those same friends when they’re being down on themselves.

In terms of Lamp’s arc, they start out fairly immature, not wanting to have to grow up and deal with the adult world and its responsibilities. Which is fair, because the adult world sucks. But when things start going down in town, their impulsiveness and lack of filter on their thoughts and emotions leads them to lash out in less than productive ways; and when it ends hurting its friends, it tries to run off and hide away instead of facing the consequences and working to fix things. What it learns over the course of the story, with help from its friends, is how to manage those emotions and better deal with conflict, not to always act on its first instinct.

(They might also have some feelings about their older sibling, who was always there to defend them and smooth things over for them, heading to community college out of town in a matter of months.)

Its arc ends up paralleling Chrysanthe’s in a fun way, but I think that’s all I’ll say about it for now.

...That being said, I’m coming back to this now because I realized I forgot a big thing that ties into what this story is all about!

So, like, the point of voidpunk is that, in the face of people saying that not being a binary gender or not feeling romantic or sexual attraction makes you inhuman, you respond by *embracing* that inhumanity. How I incorporate that into this story is that, as the characters embrace those traits about themselves, they end up tapping into the Void itself and gaining some powers!

The powers Lamp gets are all meant to be vaguely cryptid related. Stuff like night vision, powerful monster growls, being faster and stronger with better senses than a person their size should be / have (just enough to be noticeable)... and, eventually, moth wings! Not sure what type of moth they’ll be modeled after yet, but, yeah, that’s what the wings in the doodle are about.

Thanks for asking about Lamp! I’ve got someone else waiting to hear about Sterling, but if anyone else wants to send me an oc ask, here are the remaining candidates as of posting this:

Chrysanthe - Lamp - Sterling - Bass - Neptune - Naomi - Eureka - Crimson

[soaringlark]

Reasons for my lack of posting (In all areas)

(if anyone cares)

(This is a VERY long vent post under read more)

I haven’t been posting for a long time. At least not as often as I would like to, but I have just felt like my writing isn’t good enough to post. And I’m not writing this for pity, just to be clear. I just feel the need to explain why I haven’t been posting.

It really has something to do with the fact that I am INCREDIBLY insecure. Mostly when it comes to my writing. I somewhat like my old stories more than the new ones. They had a certain charm to them, right now my stories feel like empty husks. Like there are words on the screen, but are they really saying anything?

I felt like Mixed Feelings was an adorable, if embarrassing, short story to read, when I reread it. But The Other Girl leaves me with no feelings other than embarrassment. Same with Helpers, because I failed to realize that I missed a huge consistentcy issue. I gave two explanations as to why Lukas could keep Victoria safe in his stomach, and that makes him seem untrustworthy. Really I was just a forgetful dumbass, but it still “haunts” me to this day.

Though there is also another reason, and that is, that I don’t get any feedback. But I can live with that, because I personnally am to shy to even reblog posts I like.

I also used to have this stupid thought that people only liked my post to mock me.

(don’t even ask me how I got to that conclusion)

I will try to get better at reblogging, because I know it makes the artist/writer happy. Much happier than a Heart. (I can’t even imagine how happy I would be to know somebody likes my stories enough to share them) To start with I will probably not add a comment to it. I overthink my words way to much, when chatting with friends, and it’s not much better with strangers.

But back to the lack of stories. Helpers and The Other Girl most likely won’t be finished. I might rewrite them, but the original rest of the stories will never be posted. Not that Helpers got much further, but The Other Girl had at least two more parts.

Right now I’m working on a few different stories. One with a non-binary size-shifter pred. And, once I get my old documents from my old computer, a story with Mathias and Alexander (my two favorite OCs), but written from Mathias’ friend, Signe’s perspective. (Also if anyone reading this has read Mixed Feelings and Bad Ideas. I might have made Mathias AroAce, soooo... he isn’t actually in love with Alex)

The two of them are actually from an actual book I want to write; that’s why the two might change a lot with out any explanation. This Mathias is quite a bit different from Mixed Feelings and Bad Ideas, because I have a better grasp of what I want to do with him.

Also I will only make LGBTQ+ characters from now on. It’s out of spite, so the only characters that will be straight and cis are less important characters and antagonists. I’ll also try writing more trans people, because I feel like I know enough to do that now. (And about the no non LGBTQ+. It’s not because I hate straight or cis people. I’m cis myself. It’s just that, ever since I saw somebody complain about “Too many gay/trans characters” I decided to never make a character who is either straight or cis)

I think that that all I wanted to say. Sorry if this is annoying, I have just had a lot on my mind. I’ll try getting more stuff done, but there is no guarantee.

Thanks for reading :D

[aro-neir-o]

A-Spec Experiences of Relationships

I came across an excellent research article today that I want to share with you all. It’s by Phillip L. Hammack, David M. Frost, and Sam D. Hughes: Queer Intimacies: A New Paradigm for the Study of Relationship Diversity. It came out in 2018 and you can view the abstract summary here. For a full copy, you can contact any of the lead researchers or you can send me a private message (PM) and I can hook you up. I have access to the journal in which the article is published via my university.

The article talks about a number of queer identities and how queer relationships subvert the relationship norms in Western societies. They included a section on Asexual and Aromantic people and what they had to say really resonated with me.

“The fifth axiom of a queer paradigm for the study of relationship diversity is that intimacy may occur in the absence or limited experience of both sexual or romantic desire.”

The authors make clear that, regardless of your a-spec identity, you may still engage in relationships (including romantic, sexual, “close relationships that resemble friendships” which I took to mean QP or alterous or otherwise distinct relationships). They support this notion with documented evidence from studies on asexual people as well as with theory.

Intimacy isn’t predicated on sexual and/or romantic attraction. Behaviour and orientation are fundamentally different things and this piece of literature really makes that clear.

Nevertheless, intimacy is fundamentally different for aces, for aros, for queer folks, because our definitions and practices of intimacy challenge sociocultural intimacy norms.

On aces and their experiences with intimacy:

- Several studies have concluded that asexual-identified people are less likely to report being currently involved in an intimate relationship than sexual people (Bogaert, 2004; Yule, Brotto, & Gorzalka, 2014), but at least one study has not been able to replicate this finding (Prause & Graham, 2007).

- Over half of asexual people surveyed in the Asexual Census reported having been in a significant relationship, but not all of them reported that this relationship was a romantic one. In fact, over 34% of people surveyed specified that their significant relationship was not romantic (Ace Community Survey Team, 2018).

- Most asexual people’s partners seem to be non-ace, with a small minority (about 13%) being ace partnerships (Ace Community Survey Team, 2018).

- Almost 13% of asexual people surveyed identify as polyamorous (Ace Community Survey Team, 2018).

- Van Houdenhove, Gijs, T’Sjoen, and Enzlin (2015) found that asexual men were more likely to be single than asexual women, while Prause and Graham (2007) and MacNeela and Murphy (2015) did not find gender differences in reported relationship status.

- Some asexual people have found that BDSM-oriented relationships have provided them with tools to negotiate and demarcate the boundaries in their relationships, as well as to reject and change dominant scripts of sexual behavior (Sloan, 2015). By organizing these relationships around consensual BDSM, some asexuals have found the ability to experience intense forms of nonsexual intimacy. 

- Others have found that engaging in the community of people who also identify on the asexual spectrum has provided them with the language to “make sense” of their relationships and desires (Chasin, 2015). 

- Other research has cited coming out to partners as a strategy to manage sexual conflicts, although the dissolution of those relationships has sometimes been a consequence of coming out (Robbins et al., 2016).

On aros and their experiences with intimacy:

- Aromantic people find the value of friendships and other relationships bigger than that of romantic relationships and that those bonds are better suited to their needs. (1) (2) Most also agree that they experience distress in romantic relationships and that they noticed a discrepancy between their and their partner’s behavior or feelings in romantic relationships (1).

- Aromantic people that aren’t asexual agree that a “friends with benefits” arrangement would be a good one for them (1). 

- Greyromantic and broadly aro-spec people agree that they’re more concerned about being unwanted or alone, than they are about being single. They agree that they want friendship more than romance and that the activities they like can be enjoyed with friends as well as with a romantic partners. They also believe that relationships other than romantic, such as queerplatonic relationships, are better suited to their needs. Most also don’t want to pursue a romantic relationship, but they don’t like the idea of being single (1).

- Demiromantic, quoiromantic, and broadly aro-spec people agree that they are bothered by the thought of being unwanted or alone. The answers indicate that they enjoy activities with their friends and that their criteria for a romantic partner (if they choose to pursue one) are the same as for a friend (1). 

- Aromantic people seem to be either as affectionate or more affectionate with their friends as compared to their alloromantic peers (2).

- Many aromantic people wish for cohabitation and marriage benefits in a platonic way/without the ‘romantic’ parts attached to them (2).

- Many aromantic people (about 50%) worry a lot about whether their high levels of intimacy in platonic relationships will be reciprocated by their friends. There seems to be a collective fear of abandonment or lack of importance being given to platonic relationships, all in favour of romantic relationships (2).

- Most aromantic people seem to define friendship differently than their alloromantic peers do, citing that they are slower to call someone a friend and/or consider friendships to be deeper emotionally than the average alloromantic does (2).

- Just over 25% of respondents to a recent survey I ran revealed that they considered themselves polyamorous (3).

- A survey was just run by @aroace-people-are-lgtbq about aros’ views on romance, and we don’t have results yet, but when we do, I think they will contribute enormously to this topic. I’ll update this post when I see what’s what.

Further research needed and some Action Items for the Community:

- Examine gender differences, especially beyond the binary of male–female. How do gender expectations/roles play a part in intimacy and relationship expectations?

- Related to the above, what distinctions exist in the experience or expression of asexuality or aromanticism across diverse gender, race, class, and sexual identities? I would also add religion to this area. We have a number of blogs on here who blog specifically about Aro and Ace POC, for example, who I think could contribute a lot to this topic by voicing their experiences. Christina Lang’s BA thesis covering her experiences as an aroace woman of colour is a great resource.

- What diverse forms of asexual and aromantic intimacies exist? To an extent, we have identified a lot of these in our personal intracommunity discussions. It would be great to catalogue people’s different experiences with intimacy and with relationships into a single masterpost or article.

- How do individuals make meaning of these relationships in a cultural context that privileges sex and romance? Again, we have discussed this within our communities a lot. Resources and masterposts about relationship anarchy and conversations about relationships and positivity would be useful to create.

- There is some overlap between [non-amorous] aro experiences and experiences of singles; however, these are fundamentally two different groups and there is a need for research on aros specifically.

- How do partners in asexual or aromantic relationships navigate stigma from multiple sources, including sexual and gender identity minority communities? 

[bitegore]

A thought, which I’d be actually really happy to have input on from any side

(I’m going to tag @shades-of-grayro because I know you’ve got a differing perspective on some of these things than i do, and I don’t know of anyone else with it at the moment. i’m also going to tag @biaroace​ because you’ve also been helpful to discuss with) 

anyway, onto the thing: 

When i was introduced to the oriented aroace discourse, it was my understanding that the argument is pretty much whether or not the label is going to be like “allowed” to exist, I suppose? At least my understanding was that the label was being argued over from the perspectives of “the label should exist” vs “the label should not exist, there are other labels” which had smaller subcategories, sure, but that was the main core of the argument. 

I haven’t actually seen that argument, though, outside of very vague references towards it. 

So for the most part, this post is just meant as a call for discussion, specifically about this facet of the argument. I can’t actually search for posts on my computer because after I scroll down about three page lengths, all posts get whited out; this makes it very difficult to go through the tag and look for information. I’m also aware that some people might not use the same tag as I would think to search. It’s also much harder to find one small subset of an argument than it is to find posts discussing in general. I don’t like to put the burden of proof on the people who I talk to in an argument, but as it stands I am beginning to realize I’m woefully underinformed on the actual problems that people have with the label and its definitions. 

If sent links, I will read them. I believe my DMs are open to anyone, and if you would rather reach out there, I just ask that you come into it with an open mind if you’re down for discussion, or a little disclaimer that you don’t want to talk about it, because i’m very used to sort of chatting in DMs and will probably assume off the top of my head that you also want to chat about the links or commentary you send. I don’t think you can send links in asks, though, unfortunately, but you can definitely also tell me that you’d rather remain anonymous in DMs and i will keep anything regarding you anonymous*.  I’ll also happily read arguments made by individuals, though I’d prefer to do that over discord** or google documents because tumblr DMs have absolutely abominable search functions and I don’t want to misrepresent anything. You are also welcome to reply or reblog this post with stuff, but being that it’s a post, the addition might get buried in my notifications box, and that’s not ideal. 

I believe that’s all. Last point: My dms are always open about everything, as a general rule. If you wind up on my blog and don’t actually want to talk about the discourse, but you can see that I like transformers and you like transformers, or we have some other shared interest, or you want to get something off your chest to a stranger, anything, you’re welcome to walk into my dms and talk about that! I like talking to people.

clarification on certain things are under the cut to try and cut some of the length off this post. 

*Not that I would be doing anything to try and point people towards you unless you run a blog about issues like this one anyway, such as biaroace or shades-of-grayro. I do believe that people should be held accountable for arguments in certain cases, but this isn’t a case like that in any way. Additionally, if you do wish to remain anonymous, I’ll assume that holds true for the  entirety of the discourse unless stated otherwise. I have standards, and one of those is that I treat people with the respect they ask for. Anonymity is a very small thing to be asked to give to someone. I’m also open to other requests (changes to phrasing, tag etiquette, punctuation, etc) for the same reason.

**My discord handle is ooze and goo and bone shards#2800 and i know for a fact that I can get DMs from anyone; however, Discord is where I go for most of my writing and friend things, so I have a much higher tolerance for bullshit there as I’m so far from used to dealing with bullshit coming from my Discord pals. Please don’t come into my discord DMs with hostility. If you feel that I am being hostile to you, and know that you will be hostile as well, that is absolutely fine! However, I ask that we then do not interact on Discord and instead work in google docs. (A note on that: if you feel that I am being hostile to you, I am all in favor of retaliation in kind. Self defense is important, even mental self defense. But i would like a note of ‘hey why are you being hostile/mean/aggressive’ first, because I’m not always great at conversation, and I know for a fact I’ve unintentionally started fights with my friends by missing hints and tone before.)

(End note: all bolding is just meant to make it easier for ND folks with adhd/similar issues to read long paragraphs without losing their place; its not actually meant for emphasis on anything other than “this is the central point of this paragraph.” My adhd makes it difficult for me to look at long paragraphs without my eyes slipping around and missing lines, so this is meant to combat that kind of thing. I do worry that it might come over as condescending; it is not meant to be. )

EDIT: i feel the need to put this on here. i can be extremely persistent sometimes if im worried that i’m confused, and will ask many questions. if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to tell me to stop, and I will. I just don’t like to be wrong, so I will upon finding out i’m wrong immediately come for clarification, sometimes on too many things at once. However, I absolutely respect that that’s not cool and therefore if you want it to end, tell me, and it will 

[bat-besties]

On Impossibility - 6

Chapter 1   Chapter 2    Chapter 3    Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 7  Chapter 8 Chapter 9

A popular!Logan and loser!Roman high school AU based on @2pointomg’s idea with eventual Prinxiety. 

impossible 

ɪmˈpɒsɪb(ə)l

adjective

·       not able to occur, exist, or be done.

Eg. It is impossible to fund both the sports and drama programmes with the school’s limited budget.

·       very difficult to deal with.

Eg. The situation which Logan Sanders, Student Body President, is in after he convinced the school board to cut the unsuccessful drama programmes is impossible.

·       (of a person) very unreasonable.

Eg. Roman Prince.

To Roman, nothing is impossible. Not following his older brother Patton to acting college, not being a loser taking on the school’s popular Student Body President and definitely not writing and performing an epic school play with no money and six cast and crew members.

Edited by @alpacasarethegreenestanimal, who has an amazing fanfiction on AO3! If you like superheroes, sarcasm and Virgil angst then you’ll love this

@toolazytothinkofcreativename

@entitydark

@romanasanders

@barclays-sides

@cashmeredragon

@jughead-is-canonically-aroace

@immacrazyfangirl

@narniasfinestavengingsociopath

@featuredfander

@what-a-catch-joe

@mightaswellenthuseaboutbooks

@candiukas​

@whatamessofwords 

@zoalis

So close. They were so close.

‘Then this I say, oh noble knight, if you let go of your anger then you could be great. Give up the light – it is so comfortable here in the dark. Vines to hold you close, the canopy to shade you, thorns to protect you. Does the light not burn you?’

Kyle had a blanket cape round his shoulders and was jutting his chin confrontationally towards Roman. His pose was perfect, he knew his lines inside out, and his emphasis was just as Roman had imagined it when writing the speech late at night in his bedroom.

Roman suddenly broke out of character, running his hand through his hair. ‘That was great – really, really. Could we run it again? There’s just – you’ve just got to really feel it.’ Roman hated to be that guy – Kyle had been great, and their priority was to get a feel for the new set and adjust their blocking for the stage. But he had to be perfect. Roman would make him perfect no matter what it took, for although he knew the role was one which stretched his friend he had faith in him to get it right. All through workshopping a boy called Raphael had dominated Ombretto, throwing him into dramatic confrontation with Rosso and drawing him back into introspective monologues. To be honest, it had hurt Roman greatly when Raphael left ‘due to creative differences’ and Kyle had to be pulled from the role of Giallo, but he much preferred his friend’s delivery because he had learnt from Patton the importance of an actor subordinating themselves to the character.  

It was six o’clock on a Saturday night and they had been there all day assembling the set, but Kyle ran the lines again - with more feeling. It wasn’t good enough for Roman, but then again hardly anything was. They moved on and he saw Talyn give Kyle encouraging finger guns from the wings. Kyle returned a small smile. Everyone was tired, but Roman had asked them to run through the whole thing again, so they had. While Patton’s entire year would go to the moon and back for him, Roman’s few friends would paint the Kuiper belt rainbow if he asked them to.

They should have gone home and caught up on homework after putting up the set, but the beauty of the set had transported Roman into ecstasies of inspiration, and he doubted Virgil would leave until the building was shut. The boy for once in his life was not scrolling through Tumblr, listening to music or fiddling with his sweater paws. He just sat starry-eyed in the front row of the seating, hunched forward in his over-sized hoody as he tried to hide a grin behind his hands.

The set Virgil had built was amazing. Fate had finally given the theatre troupe a helping hand as Dahlia’s neighbours had spare planks of wood from a loft extension they had not technically forbidden her from taking. Virgil had understood the aesthetic of Talyn’s designs and had decided to play around with the handmade nature of the set. Basically, it looked like the child of a Victorian toy theatre and the illustrations in a book of fairy tales raised by a goth/steampunk in the hedge of thorns from Sleeping Beauty. Or that’s how Virgil had pitched it. Originally there had been a scaffolding tower, but they had to improvise with the tall metal balcony from West Side Story Patton had once sung on so happily.

Virgil was weirdly proud of himself. He tried to be self-deprecating about his set, however he couldn’t help but be happy with it. Logan had always been complimentary about his work, but he did not have a great understanding of art, and Virgil had suspected the positive feedback was a key bullet point in the Word document ‘How to Get Self-doubting Friend to Apply for College.’ In contrast his new friends had very high standards, so a single nice word from Talyn would go around his head for days and days. Roman had been extremely exacting – a picture of the cliff from the Nightmare before Christmas had literally been ripped off Virgil’s mood board because the smoothness of it ‘didn’t fit the vibe, the emotion’ of the play – and now he was playing in the set like a kid in a candy store. Virgil understood it now, Logan and Roman’s drive for perfection. Oh sure, Logan was a textbook perfectionist and Roman was slapdash and confident in his own abilities, but in his own way the actor was just as meticulous about his work. The play – not yet named because there was not something which fit it well enough – was his baby. And while the set was a part of that brainchild it was Virgil’s own – baby was a weird comparison, it was just…he just had lots of feelings about it he hadn’t had for anything else before, OK? The exercise in 3D space was interesting.  

At 22:00, a janitor finally came around. He peeked his head into the auditorium, then walked into it fully. Kyle was perched on the balcony, which was festooned with sequinned purple fabric vines, and Roman was kneeling in centre stage entreating him to come down, framed by chaotic brambles the size of tree trunks and twisted metal spider webs throwing bizarre shadows onto the wall behind him, covered with sheer green fabric donated by Mrs Damon. He looked at Virgil, who was entranced by the scene.

‘Hey kid, you part of this?’ he spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb the actors. Virgil looked up at him and nodded with a grin.

‘Good on you, kid. I told you that you shouldn’t use your drawing skills for rude caricatures. And now look at you!’

Virgil was rapidly beginning to lose his sense of mystery and magic. ‘That…that was not me. I told you, and I told the principal that that drawing wasn’t by me.’

The janitor took off his hat and sat next to Virgil in a fatherly manner. ‘If you didn’t draw that cartoon, then why was it on your locker, heh?’

Trying to be absorbed into the tear in the seat covering, Virgil gave the man an exasperated look.

‘Well, I’m here to ask you guys to leave. You need to sleep!’ replied the janitor brightly, completely unfazed by Virgil’s silence. He leaned in even closer to him. ‘How long is there left?’

‘Fif-een min’tes.’ was mumbled from behind a wall of purple hair.

‘Fine. You guys promise to look up, then you can have the time.’

‘Thks.’

‘Careful of that balcony. Bit rickety.’ With that Malcom headed into the hallway again, marvelling at the impact that simple sentence of his had made on that punk kid. Permanent sharpie and Tipp-ex on that locker as well. Sometimes kids just need a bit of self-belief.

Exactly fifteen minutes later, Roman bounded off the stage and thundered up to Virgil. Ignoring the fact that Virgil was putting into practice everything he’d learnt trying to disengage Malcom, he grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. ‘A cheer for Virgil!’ he yelled to the others.

There were scattered cheers from the cast and crew as they cleared up. ‘Visionary, visionary!’ shouted Roman, throwing his hands in the air.

Virgil blushed. ‘What does that even mean?’

Roman threw himself down on the gangway, pulling the emo down beside him. ‘One who has unique visions!’

Virgil looked at him sceptically. ‘I’m sure that’s not the exact definition.’

‘We can’t all be the calculator watch, can we?’ The annoyance entering Roman’s voice was jarring.

There was a beat of awkward silence as Virgil refused to forgive Roman or defend Logan.

Brightly, Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand and admired his nail polish. He looked up at Virgil and whispered, ‘Visionary, visionary.’ Over his knuckles.

Virgil recoiled and stood up. ‘What the ever-loving fuck was that?!’

Roman face-palmed. ‘It was meant to be…friendly.’

‘It was really weird! And not friendly! That was not in the realm of friendly!’

Roman rocketed to his feet, ‘Sorry to break it to you Virgil, but just because I’m gay, it doesn’t mean that I’m flirting with every straight guy I talk to!’

‘How is that-? It wasn’t- I didn’t even know that! Anyway, I’m not straight either.’

‘Well, fine. I’m not.’ Roman put his hands on his hips.

‘Fine!’

‘Fine!’

The two stood angrily staring at each other before dissolving into laughter.

‘How could you think I was straight?’ howled Roman, ‘And you’re not either? Yes!’ he punched the air.

Virgil was bent over, clutching his stomach. ‘I…I didn’t want to assume…’

Dahlia came up the gangway halfway, since the rest of it was blocked by two dorks rolling around on the floor. ‘We’re going to head, if you guys could lock up.’ Breathlessly, Roman waved her on.

Once the two came to they sat up, lounging against the seating.

Roman studiously didn’t look at Virgil as he spoke to him. ‘Your set – I love it.’

‘I know.’ The emo smirked at him, ‘you spent all evening playing in it.’

Roman’s hand shot to his chest as he gasped, ‘PLAYING! How dare you? I was acting!’ he made a point to gesture dramatically to signal his thespian talent. He put his hand down and turned to Virgil. ‘I do, though,’ he said earnestly, ‘it’s beautiful, and dark, and creepy, and fantastical, and better than I could ever have hoped for. We can do this – we can put on this play.’

Virgil’s insides twisted as he looked at the boy across from him, his face desaturated and pupils dilated by the dark. He wasn’t so sure of success. The costumes needed to be big and bold, and that meant lots of fabric and shiny things in elaborate designs. They had asked to use the black fabric which backed the curtain but had unsurprisingly been turned down, and money from rainbow T-shirt sales had covered enough for a dirndl for Margherita bought online and a shimmery brown and green leotard for the malevolent fairy (nicknamed Bob) after the set had been built, but for now the magnificent hoop skirts of the Evil Queen and flowing robe of Ombretto were impossible to realise.

‘Virgil?’

The emo snapped his eyes from Roman’s face. ‘Yeah. Let’s not count on…let’s not give on up this.’ He made eye contact again. ‘I believe in you. Or whatever. Dork.’

Roman smiled to himself a little. ‘And here I was thinking you were some massive edgelord.’

Virgil raised his eyebrows. ‘You saw my Nightmare before Christmas poster.’

‘True.’ Roman grinned, ‘But you were too cool for my Randy Newman impression.’

Virgil giggled. ‘You had a cowboy hat. And a pink plastic radio. And you were fifteen.’

‘I took it seriously! I wanted to be your friend.’ Roman emphasised each word.

‘Well, I wanted you to stop singing before I cringed myself a six-pack.’

They sat in silence for a while, neither wanting to suggest leaving.

‘I don’t know what I’m going to do with my future.’ Virgil’s head was flung back to look at the set, and his voice was soft.

Roman rolled onto his stomach, supporting his head on his hands. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘This.’

Roman put his hand on Virgil’s and smiled at him reassuringly, ‘Then do it. This is good.’

‘I…’ Virgil took a shaky breath. ‘I can’t. I’m not good enough.’

‘Virgil. I have been to four Broadway shows and twenty-three shows in other towns. I watch bootlegs like other kids watch let’s plays. I read about this stuff. I think you could easily design for a smaller show, and once you go to college…Broadway, baby.’

Virgil felt something suspiciously like hope rise to fill his chest. ‘Why would they take someone like me? From a school like this, which isn’t particularly keen on the arts, if you hadn’t noticed.’

‘Virgil – you have Mrs Damon who would write a book about you, let alone a recommendation letter. You’ve got this production, which will make one hell of an essay. The school is academic, and your grades are good. Besides, Patton did it – my older brother.’

‘I guess. But wasn’t he like some genius or something?’

It was Roman’s turn to break eye contact. ‘Yeah, he is. But we don’t need to be scholarship holders like him or anything. Just good enough.’

Virgil sat up, ‘You’re worried about acting school, princey? Big brother in New York and half-a-billion extracurriculars. Please.’

‘No extracurriculars now. But yes, of course I’m worried. I want to go to the same place as Patton, when we went to check it out with him it was…magical. These past few years it’s like he’s living every single dream I have. And I’m happy for him! I am! I’m super proud, but I don’t want to apply and be rejected, and he’ll be super nice about it…you know.’

‘Do your parents compare you a lot?’

‘No, god no.’ Roman shook his head emphatically. ‘They’re incredibly proud of both of us. It’s me. I do. And I know I shouldn’t…’

He broke off and tried to hide the fact that he was crying. The emo scooted closer and awkwardly pulled him into a loose hug, at which point Roman attached himself to Virgil’s hoodie like a baby koala.

‘Aw, jeez. Come on, dude. Don’t make me give a heartfelt speech. Just like, know, that I think you’re - good.’

‘Huh! Yeah, I am pretty good! Thanks for reminding me, J-Delightful.’ Roman pulled himself up and punched Virgil in the shoulder.

‘Alright, dudebro.’

The boy slumped again. ‘Arggggg. Now you think everything is fine!’

‘You do not look like everything is fine.’

‘Well, yeah, no.’

Virgil just wanted to paint and listen to emo music and be left alone. Why the hell was he landed with looking after overachievers?

‘Wanna come to my house tonight? We could watch Disney, or whatever. My parents would be happy I have someone to invite over.’

‘I would love that! I’ll text the old parents…Odin’s eyepatch! It’s eleven already! We’d better hurry!’

That night as Roman was spread-eagled on his bedroom floor, Virgil tried not to think of the lack of money for costumes, but they joined the usual procession of Logan’s eye bags, situations in which his set would collapse and his plan for the future which marched round his head whenever he tried to sleep.

Increasingly old-school Disney songs sung in bass, a voice passionately and loudly delivering lines or unaffectedly and quietly trying to explain ideas had echoed around his darkened bedroom too, but he preferred to not think about that.

[anxietytwist]

This is bisexyenby. Did you read my my reply to the articles? I feel like I brought up a good point and I’m interested to hear your response on it.

1) “I could argue is rooted in misogyny rather than being unique oppression”

Ace/Aro/Aroace men exist so the whole point above is kinda off.

-

2) “[...]if asexuals feel they experience unique oppression, why would they want to join a group of people who they see as oppressors rather than just create a separate group?” 

Trans people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community exist alongside cis people, so ace/aro/aroaces existing alongside allos wouldn’t be that unthinkable.

-

3) “I feel that these articles are insinuating that just because asexuals face discrimination[...]” 

There is no insinuating, there IS the existence (documented and undocumented) of real life experiences that happen to ace/aro/aroace people that VERY closely mirror the oppression that LGBTQ+ people face based on their orientation/gender/identity.

-

4) “room for people who do not face  ’’severe abuse based on your sexuality or gender identity’’, otherwise known as transphobia and/or homophobia”

Not everyone in the LGBTQ+ community faces the same level of oppression; one trans person may experience more abuse than another, but that does not invalidate the person who experiences less & barres them form being a part of the community.

- - - - -

Also abuse based on WHO you are be it: ace, bi, gay, trans, a lesbian, or aro; is still prejudiced based on your identity/gender/orientation, no single experience is more important or more valid to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community. 

We all face very similar struggles placed on us from the Hetero-normative society that we are forced to live in, that includes Ace/Aro/Aroace people, our current society places huge values on sex and romance (primarily Straight); even sometimes people go as far as saying “Love, romantic and/or sexual, is what makes us human, to feel otherwise is to be inhuman or other compared to a normal person”.

Our society (mainly cishet people, some LGBTQ+ people fall prey to this kind of thinking as well) literally dehumanize a group of people based on their romantic/sexual identity.

Fuck people who say that there is anything wrong with you for feeling attraction differently then them! 

That is something most if not everyone in our community can understand and even empathize with. So why should we be at odds with one another, or fight to exclude those who share the abuse society treats us with? 

We are stronger together.

We are all suffering from the same bullshit so why not support and have solidarity with people instead of questioning & invalidating anything you don’t understand or experience yourself. Infighting only helps the people who hate us (by make our community weaker).

Ace/Aro/Aroace people belong in our community because they share the hate society has for everyone included in the LGBTQ+ community. 

And that is all I have to say on the matter...