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seerofmike · 4 months ago

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Mike's Media Medley--June 2024

things i watched and played FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME this June 2024 (belated due both to hurricane beryl and also cuz im depressed <3)

2024 movie/show releases: Young Woman and the Sea, Inside Out 2, The Bikeriders

non-2024 movie/show releases: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999, recommended to me!), Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), La La Land (2016), One Piece (2023)

games: Chillquarium (2023)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

this was recommended to me by a friend who swore up and down i would like this and tbh, i did! it was way funnier than i thought it would be, but kinda towards the middle (maybe more 2/3rds into the movie) it starts becoming more romance and drama heavy and kind of loses the comedic edge i was really liking about it. i also thought kat liking and disliking heath ledger was based more on whims sometimes. like i understood why she'd get pissed with him sometimes but i'd be confused other times, and also equally as confused as to why she decided she liked him again. idk maybe i just dont understand straight people

75/100

The Bikeriders

this movie meant nothing to me and i have already forgotten everything about it except for this thought which i was having the whole movie:

idk i feel bad rating it incredibly low since it didnt piss me off like Civil War did but also, is it worse to get pissed off by a film or is it worse to get so utterly bored by one that all of its details lapse from your mind as soon as you stop watching it?

idk. i guess it could've been worse. 20/100

Inside Out 2

okay so controversial opinion perhaps but i actually liked this one better than the first. HOWEVER, its not like i was necessarily the biggest fan of the first one. it's not like i hated it, i just never really clicked with it, i guess.

i think generally speaking the first one is more cohesive and more creative with its concepts, and has a bigger 'Pixar gutpunch' in the form of Bing Bong, but I thought Riley herself didn't really feel like a character and I found Sadness to be really annoying. so it was very appealing to Me, Specifically, that Sadness wasn't a main character and the other emotions got to play a bigger role (I am especially a fan of all the new emotions, even the ones that don't do shit like Ennui) and also that Riley feels like a PERSON

even if i think the first one had a bigger heartstrings-pulling moment this one overall made me feel way more. mostly cringe and secondhand embarrassment but it was out of recognition like "ohhh fuck ive been like that before". i saw this opening weekend amidst a sea of kids and there were some moments that i (and mostly other adults) were the only ones laughing.

ESPECIALLY a big fan of the vault with all of Riley's secrets. Pouchy was the best character actually. idk I just had fun with this one. I probaaaaaably wouldn't watch it again for a while but if my little brother put this on I would pay attention

70/100

La La Land (2016)

i did not like La La Land

i am not at all an expert on music nor musicals so i don't really feel like i can critique the musical aspect of it too deeply, but i CAN tell you that i didn't really vibe with any of the music and at times i found myself like. daydreaming instead of paying attention to what the characters were singing. i didn't really believe in her and ryan gosling's chemistry and i generally found his character to be irritating.

the most enjoyable parts of the movie to me were probably the musical sequences without any actual singing. i do like them tap dancing in the street and then their date where they start flying. i thought those were well-directed. in fact i thought there were a few well-directed and well-edited sequences in the movie. unfortunately i just never found the actual plot music or characters to be on par with the visuals.

i have not seen pretty much anything else that released that year re: Best Actress nominations (although Elle has been on my list) but i really find it hard to believe Emma won her first Oscar for this. idk i know a lot of people love this movie but it truly did nothing to me.

i guess i will say one of the things i DID like was the ending. how it didn't really work out, the silent musical scene at the end over a montage of what could've been. i like that there wasn't a happy ending just because generally i like when movies do that (if it feels believable anyways lol). but it didn't hit for me as hard as it should have because like i said it's not like i really cared for them to be together nor did i care for ryan gosling's jazz journey. i was a bit more invested in emma's acting journey but not enough to really say i truly cared about what happened to her.

idk. pretty visuals but weak everything else. 40/100 maybe

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

soooooo they put on the LOTR movies (the extended editions, specifically) which are the ones i watched. and i have something to admit. i have TRIED, several times, to get into the lord of the rings. i tried reading the hobbit. i ordered a fancy boxset of the LOTR trilogy and tried to read them. i watched the first movie but it took me 3 tries to complete it.

so i thought, okay. everyone raves about these movies. they HAVE to be good. maybe my attention span is fried. recently i've been getting tickets to movies that i could technically watch for free at home but buying tickets forces me to actually pay attention to them since i paid money and i won't be reaching for my phone or stopping to do something else. so i got myself 3 tickets to all 3 movies, back to back to back.

the first one was okay. i've seen it before. i found myself daydreaming midway through because i'd seen it already. i don't HATE it. i think a lot of the characters are generally very charming and likeable. i love samwise gamgee. i really liked borimir. frankly i could do without the elf lady because the way she speaks drove me insane and made me physically uncomfortable. the plot was a slow burn to build up the Fellowship, which I appreciated. surely the second movie would build upon this.

i do think, generally, that I liked the second movie better. i think Gollum is an interesting character and he was being performed and animated VERY well, especially considering the time when it comes to CGI effects. i liked merry and pippin's journey becoming more like heroes. the big battle at the end was done very well. and obviously i thought frodo and sam were a highlight.

that being said there were parts of the movie that i just did not care nor did i understand. im already hard of hearing and having to listen to british accents without any subtitles means that i legit didn't know what characters were saying maybe 1/3rd of the time. the new subplot of the. kingdom of guys. didnt work for me. i cant even remember what the hell the random kingdom of guys was about or named or anyone relevant because i didnt understand what was even going on. it was very fun seeing karl urban though

despite liking a lot of the movie, a lot of it just weighed down on me to the point that when i walked out i was like, "do i REALLY wanna sit through another 3 hours of this tomorrow?" and i decided i didn't and got a ticket refund.

at least the directing is fun. a lot of fantasy movies feel kinda boring and without personality but peter jackson really had a specific flair when it came to directing these.

60/100

One Piece (2023)

i didn't finish it so i wouldn't be rating it yet but i actually thought this was pretty fun! this could've been way messier but i think so far it looks like everyone is having fun and its juuuuust wacky enough. my only complaint is that zoro is waaaaaay too serious but idk maybe it gets better, i only watched maybe...4 episodes? i dont remember. i do look forward to finishing it. eventually

Young Woman and the Sea

well this was the sleeper hit i wasn't expecting to like as much as i did

i was bored one day and wanted to see a movie but nothing really jumped out at me that i hadn't seen yet. i ended up picking this one because I have seen Daisy Ridley in NOTHING. i will not watch Star Wars unless someone pays me actual money so I was curious to see her acting in something and picked this one. ive seen sports movies. i figured this one would be like a cheesy inspirational story but hey those arent necessarily bad

and yes, it IS cheesy and inspirational, but i liked it. a lot? it's 'based on a true story' which probably means that there are some embellishments but i found it genuinely compelling, between her childhood after surviving the measles to the way she and other young women were treated as swimmers, even during the olympics.

i thought the swimming seasons were decently thrilling. like, idk as someone who has attempted to watch competitive swimming it's just not really a glamorous sport to watch but the way this was shot and directed and the fact that they literally filmed it IN THE OCEAN, *in the English channel*, means that i was actually really invested in her managing this feat, both as a personal character motive and also for what it represented more widely when it came to women's physical accomplishments.

idk i guess im just kinda in shock i enjoyed it as much as i did. this was probably the movie i walked out of with the most positive outlook of all month. i'd watch it again.

80/100

games:

Chillquarium (2023)

i only played one new game this month, and that was Chillquarium, which is an idle/clicker kind of game where you manage fishtanks and grow fish by feeding them pellets.

fishe. what can i say

#mike's media medley

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moon-lv3r · 2 years ago

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studying with you ~🍊

🦋 category: established relationship, fluff, one-shot

🦋 characters: narancia

🦋 summary: the year end tests are coming right up and you still haven't got the hang of a math topic, worse still, your boyfriend is an idiot when it comes to math and his friend, fugo, is too busy to be tutoring the both of you (reader is not a stand user)

🦋 warnings: nil

🦋 notes: so im in kind of a bad mental head space and i need things to help distract myself so i figured that i should try and write an one-shot for my beloved comfort character <3 hopefully it helps to clear my head bc everything has been shit. also i am too lazy to proof read so deal with the grammatical errors, english isnt my first language

“I hate this!” You whined as you flipped through your notebook filled with numbers and formulas. Math was never easy to revise for and you were just getting really stressed out. Having a dumbass for a boyfriend doesn’t make it better, but at least he could make you laugh.

“Eh I’ve failed this topic like a hundred times! Fugo keeps explaining it to me but I don’t get it. What is a minor sector?” Narancia whined along. “Can’t you just get a ruler and measure around it?”

You would’ve burst out laughing if it wasn’t for the fact that you two were in a library and the librarian just so happened to be a cranky old man. Narancia always called him the “balding old fart” and said that Mista probably has the same hairstyle as the old fart. “That’s not how math works Narancia, or else I wouldn’t be in school.”

You have always been the top student in your class but recent stress has taken a toll on you. Sleepless nights, inability to focus, terrible headaches were all draining you. It was hard keeping up with expectations. Narancia was the only person that would let you relax and make you feel comfortable, which was the reason why the both of you were a thing. He just made you so happy.

The clock ticks while you and Narancia continued reading. Narancia was only three pages in when he gave up for good and took a short nap. His brain never works well with him. You have been doing math questions and checking the answers, each time you got a question wrong was an ego-crushing moment. You just felt like you weren’t good enough.

“Eh y/n, I just realised you haven’t eaten anything, how about we head over to the canteen for a break?” Narancia yawned, you didn’t even realised that he had woken up.

“Bu—”

“No buts y/n! We are taking a break!” He cut you off while gently shutting your book and quietly making your way out. There was no way you were going to study alone so you decided to follow. There were barely anyone at the canteen so the queues were short and you were able to get your lunch rather quickly.

It took you a while to realise that Narancia only asked for a break because he noticed that you have been pushing yourself too hard and started to skip meals in order to study. This boy never fails to bring a smile up on your face.

Narancia decided that it would be a good time to ramble on and on about his life while eating three packets of snacks, all at once. He loved mixing up his snacks. “And there was this one time when Gio—”

The ringing of the school bell ended Narancia’s sentence before he could even finish. This was usually the timing when all of the students having extra lessons get released. Narancia looked mad while you laughed, urging him to continue. “Wait I forgot what I wanted to say… Damn it! Piece of shit!” Narancia swore loudly.

People started to fill the canteen and many of them had heard Narancia cursing loudly, sending judging looks towards the both of you. Most of the students found Narancia and Fugo weird anyway. Their style was enough to ensure that the people at school would make fun of them. They were also friends with Giorno, another student with weird style and skipped school for a whole week. Nobody believed that they were in the mafia until they were spotted with Bruno Bucciarati, the leader of Passione.

You decided to quickly finish your meal and head back towards your dorm with Narancia happily skipping his way with you. He was such a smiley boy. Your dorm was on one of the lower levels so it didn’t take long for the both of you to arrive. The moment you opened your door and entered, Narancia immediately jumped onto the couch. “So soft,” he mumbled while grinning.

He looked like a sweet gentle boy right there and then, completely different from his first day of school. A group of boys started making fun of him for being small and scrawny, thinking he would be an easy target, but somehow, those boys ended up getting shot in the leg after Narancia muttered something along the lines of “Aerosmith”. Fugo started lecturing him about using “stands” in public. You had no idea what all of that meant. Either way, the school deemed Narancia as innocent since they didn’t find any evidence of Narancia owning a gun. Those boys stayed the furthest away from Narancia after that. If somebody told you that you could be dating a boy who magically got people shot, you wouldn’t have brought it.

“Ghirga!” You shouted, “our exams are starting.” Narancia never liked it when someone called him by his surname.

“Oi y/n don’t call me that!” He retaliated. “Dumb (your surname).”

“Says the one with 0 out of 10 for a math test,” you replied.

“How am I supposed to know what is y=mx+c?” Narancia immediately defended himself from your sudden insult at his intelligence.

“Mhm,” you mumbled. “Come here Narancia, I am going to teach you.”

Narancia reluctantly got off your couch and joined you at the coffee table. He looked extremely focus while you taught him some math. Math was that one subject that seems to be impossible to understand but you always managed to understand it just a bit, enough to top your class. He “huh-ed” at almost everything and asked more questions rather than solving any. You were very patient however, telling him formulas, giving him tips, and even ways to remember formulas easily. Narancia seemed to be the type to learn better if you let him learn at his own pace and include funny things while teaching.

“Ah so y=mx+c is the formula for gradient?” Narancia asked.

“Not just any line,” you replied. “You need to be specific.”

“Straight lines! Because Bucciarati and Abbacchio are not straight so y=mx+c wouldn’t apply to them!” Narancia finished.

“That’s right!” You smiled. “You’re so smart Narancia, I knew you would get it!”

Narancia smiled back, “you sound just like Fugo. You know, I think you might be a better teacher. Fugo isn’t as good as you when it comes to teaching.”

“I am telling Fugo,” you chanted, trying to exit your dorm to look for Fugo. It was obviously a joke but you loved to tease that idiot.

“Wa— Get back! Y/n no—” Narancia practically jumped and chased after you. “Fugo’ll kill me!”

He fell for it.

“Come and get me then!” You panted as the both of you ran around your dorm, being careful enough not to topple anything over. It had caught you completely off-guard when Narancia jumped you from behind, tackling you onto the soft ground while giggling.

“Got you y/n,” Narancia grinned proudly. “Please don’t tell Fugo I said that.”

“Don’t worry I won’t,” you reassured him.

The very next day, Fugo was confused as to why you were laughing so hard when you, him and Narancia were all having breakfast together at the canteen. Giorno was confused as well when he joined you three for lunch.

Neither you nor Narancia ever told Fugo about what Narancia had said. Even Giorno was in on the joke after a while, Fugo remained clueless. Nevertheless, at least Narancia’s math improved. Even though he still failed the math exam.

#i love narancia #narancia ghirga #jojo x reader #vento aureo #jjba part 5 #golden wind #x gn reader #jojo's bizarre adventure

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choiceskatie · 4 years ago

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A Million To One (Ethan x f!MC)

Book: Open Heart

Warnings: Fluff, fluff, and a side of fluff. Oh, you want some more fluff? Fluff for everyone.

Also, it’s still me, so... strong language is a given lol

Summary: Inspiration strikes for Ethan as he watches his friend and colleague get married.

Word count: 5k

Author’s Note: This takes place during book 3 chapter 11. It turned out completely differently than I had anticipated, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! I can't keep reading this again without convincing myself it's garbage so excuse any mistakes you may find.

Your likes, comments and reblogs mean the world to me!

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you married. The two of you may kiss.”

Smiling, Ines and Angie leaned together and kissed tenderly. Teddy beamed as the tears she’d been holding at bay for the entire ceremony fell free. She felt a strong hand curl around her thigh and turned to her left to see Ethan smirking at her, winking as he handed her a tissue. She giggled as she rolled her eyes and took the tissue from him, trying to dab her face without ruining her makeup.

Teddy jumped to her feet, cheering and clapping as the two brides walked back down the aisle. As Ethan wrapped his arm around the waist of his emotional girlfriend, he couldn’t help his thoughts from wandering towards what their wedding might look like. His lip quirked as he thought about the small turquoise box secretly tucked away in his luggage in the hotel room, going everywhere with him until he found the right moment to ask her that special question.

The crowd watched as the newly married couple walked along the beach, their families and photographer following behind them.

Ethan gently pulled Teddy into him, her back hitting his chest as his arms wrapped around her and he nuzzled his face against her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. He silently chastised himself, inwardly rolling his eyes as he allowed himself to fall victim to the emotion and nostalgia weddings were known to evoke.

He had never been to a wedding that had made him feel like this before, remembering every detail of his past and picturing his future, playing out as his lifetime’s film before his very eyes. Watching his longtime friend and colleague get married was a blessing, but it was the smile of the woman in his arms that brought pure joy to his heart.

He couldn’t help but to think about what it had taken for them to get here. Two and a half years had gone by since he had met Teddy, and those years had been far from easy.

A year of stolen glances as he buried his feelings deep down to the pit of his soul. A few nights spent in her arms in bed that had brought a warmth to his chest like no other. Two months away from her and the life he knew, thinking of her everyday as he attempted to will away the love and adoration that was brewing within. One look at her as he returned was enough to obliterate any progress he had made.

A slight shiver ran through him as his thoughts carried him to a year ago now, nearly to the day. His arms subconsciously tightened their hold on his precious cargo, his struggle and anxiety over the safety of her life still prominent. He often found his mind drifting to that night, indescribable as anything other than the worst hours of his life. Anything he had been trying to tell himself up until that tortured night flew out the window as he was faced with the possibility of a life without Teddy. The love of his life, the woman he had pushed away, the woman he had forced himself not to utter those three words to, warping his mind to believe she’d be better off without him in every aspect.

The memory of her sobbing in his arms still made frequent appearances in his dreams; day or night. He hated himself for depriving them of the chance to hold each other without her impending doom. So, he swore to himself and to Teddy, that if she made it out of that room, he’d give her the world in any way he could.

The day she was released he took her home with him, taking leave from the hospital so he could take care of her and tend to her every need. After a month, he found the courage to share his true feelings for her, the feelings that had been bursting to break free since their first kiss in Miami. He promised her that he’d be his for as long as she wanted. He promised her that he’d let nothing stand in the way of them, for as long as she wanted.

Two months later, and two months of her staying with him every night, he formally asked her to move in with him, to which she eagerly accepted. He was utterly, yet pleasantly, shocked at the easy progression they made into domestic bliss. Three months after that, he accepted an invitation to New York for a medical convention, the perfect ruse for him to pick up the ring he’d been in secret talks over for months. Teddy still brought it up from time to time, taking every chance to remind him of the illustrious invitation he hadn’t extended to her, but he accepted the slander every time. It was a small price to pay for the end goal: unbridled happiness.

And yet here they stood, another six months had passed and he was still to ask her the question. There had been plenty of opportunities, nights out or weekends away as he followed through on his promise of giving her the world. Short trips with just the two of them, Ethan expecting every single one to end with Teddy adorning the custom ring on her finger, and every single one ending with him berating himself for his lack of courage. Many nights at home he’d considered it; Teddy was beautifully simplistic and although he was constantly thinking of grand gestures to surprise her, he knew she’d be equally ecstatic with a proposal on the couch after a long day together at work.

He nearly mustered up the courage one night in bed, wholly and perfectly content as her head lay on his chest, her body curled into him and slotting against his as if she was created to fit there.

And then it occurred to him, they hadn’t ever discussed marriage. Was this something she wanted? Did she know it was something he wanted? Most likely not. And he couldn’t blame her. It never had been, not until he met her. Until she became his partner in every sense of the word. He wanted them to be partners in every aspect of their life. He wanted to be bound to her for the rest of his life. He wanted her to be the mother of his children. That was definitely a discussion for a later date.

He shook himself out of his daze as Teddy turned in his arms, looping hers around his neck as she smiled up at him. He couldn’t help but to return it with one of his own as he looked down at her, eyes still shining from the ceremony and crinkling with joy. She was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

He knew then. It was time to find out.

As the guests began to make their way into the hotel, Teddy and her friends congregated at the cliff overlooking the ocean, the salty breeze rustling their hair as they gushed about the wedding and discussed their plans for the evening.

“I say we get absolutely wasted whilst we wait for the reception to start.”

“I’m with Bryce.” Teddy nodded, “how often do we all get the same week off from the hospital, never mind on vacation to Hawaii? We need to put the all-inclusiveness to good use, and that means I wanna get chocolate wasted.”

At that moment Ethan approached the group, rolling his eyes as he caught the tail end of Teddy’s comment. When is she going to stop quoting that damn film every time she wants a drink? Zaid and Baz walked with him as he pulled Sienna to the side. The four doctors spoke in hushed whispers as Teddy craned her neck, looking on with furrowed brows as her other friends continued their discussion.

Her nosiness and lack of respect for personal space carried her feet towards the group. The wrinkle between her eyebrows deepened further when she was sure she heard Ethan tell Sienna, “make sure she doesn’t drink too much. I don’t want her blackout for this.”

Who the hell does he think he is trying to control my drinking?

As she opened her mouth to ask that exact question, Ethan looked up and met her eyes with an adoring gaze. “Teddy,” he smiled. “I need to make a few phone calls to check on some patients before the reception begins. Is that alright with you? I won’t be too long, hopefully.”

Her anger was quickly forgotten as she stared into his baby blues, the only sight capable of rivalling the beauty of the ocean they looked onto, her brain struggling to work out how he still had such an intense affect on her after the nearly three years she’d known him.

She returned his private smile. “Of course. Just make sure you’re back for the reception, Ines would be heartbroken if you missed anything. And so would your girlfriend, but weddings are a great place to pick up men so I’d worry more about Ines than me.” She winked as he rolled his eyes, failing to suppress a chuckle and stepping towards her for a short but sweet kiss before turning to leave with the two Mirani brothers.

“Zaid and Baz are going with you?”

“Yes, they’re consulting on a patient of mine.”

“I’m surprised I’ve not heard about the case interesting enough to pull these two out of the research lab.” Teddy pouted as Ethan laughed. “Why you no tell me about da good cases?”

“As soon as we’re back at work, I promise you can work on the case. Now, go and have fun with your friends. That bar won’t drink itself dry.”

“Hey, don’t need to tell me twice. See ya!” Teddy smiled as she grabbed Sienna’s hand, leading her away as Sienna looked back over her shoulder, giggling as she saw Ethan’s pleading eyes and mouthing back ‘good luck’ as they walked away.

Ethan waited until the pair disappeared inside the hotel to find the rest of their friends, breathing a sigh of relief as he turned back to the two men. Baz was grinning widely and Zaid looked stressed.

“She better not ask me about the ‘case’ when we get back to the reception! I’m a terrible liar.”

Ethan shook his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. “She won’t, she’ll be a bottle of wine down and attempting to twerk against Ines’ dad, most likely. She was doing it all night at my cousins’ wedding last year, hence the request for Sienna to keep an eye on her drinking,” Ethan sighed as Baz giggled and Zaid let out a deep breath, nodding. “You know what you’re doing, then?”

“Sure do, boss man!” Baz grinned. He put his hand into the middle of the group, looking at the other two men expectantly.

Zaid groaned before placing his hand on top of Baz’s. “He won’t let you leave until we do this. We’re better off not wasting time and getting a move on with the plan.”

Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a relenting sigh. “Fine.” He growled, reluctantly dropping his hand on top of the twins’.

“Teaaaaaaam... break!”

An hour later and miraculously the three men had each completed their jobs. Ethan smiled as he entered the wedding reception, his eyes immediately falling on Teddy sitting next to an empty chair as he walked over to the table. She smiled as she caught his eye, pulling him into a kiss as soon as he sat down.

“Hey, handsome,” she smiled at him, much more put together than he was expecting at this time of the evening.

“You don’t seem to be overly intoxicated.” He raised an eyebrow at her as she huffed and rolled her eyes.

“They ran out of cranberry juice! Can you believe that?”

Ethan chuckled as he leaned back in his chair, his arm naturally falling around her shoulders as she moved in closer. “With you here? Absolutely.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, Grandpa, they’ve got plenty of scotch.”

“What’s your poison this evening, then?”

“Just a Merlot. But I don’t wanna get wine drunk and then be wine hungover on the flight home tomorrow, so I’m having to take it slow. It’s terribly frustrating.”

He turned away slightly, smirking as he thought to himself, you’re not going home tomorrow.

The night flew by, and after the meal, the brides’ first dance and a surprisingly emotional speech from Zaid, Ethan was trying to psych himself up as he began to run out of time. He stood at the bar, nursing his drink as he watched Teddy on the dance floor, her long blonde hair thrashing as she did the worm across the smooth surface, her friends laughing and cheering her on. How is this the woman I’ve ended up with? He felt a presence beside him, the deep chuckle revealing himself before he stepped up.

“She really is something, isn’t she?”

Ethan let out a contented sigh, “she is.”

As if she could hear them across the room, Teddy stood up, giggling with her friends before her eyes landed on him. And, as if on queue, the music changed to a slow song, Ethan recognising the opening notes from one of the teen movies he’d been forced into watching with her umpteen times.

She crooked her finger at him as she began to walk towards him, and he slammed his drink back before turning towards his mentor.

“Go. And don’t worry, old friend... everything will be fine.”

Ethan nodded, wanting that to be true more than anything. “Thank you, Naveen. I’ll see you soon.”

He discarded his tumbler on the bar and strode over to Teddy, taking her in his arms immediately as hers found their place around his waist. Her heels were long abandoned, and his imposing size made his neck a stretch with their vast height difference.

She lay her cheek against his chest as they swayed together, Ethan noticing that only couples were left on the dance floor, many pairs of prying eyes on the two of them. On her, he mused.

He pressed a kiss into her soft hair, marvelling at the sense of home he found in the familiar scent. It’s now or never.

He pulled back slightly, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger as she grinned up at him. “Would you take a walk with me? I’ve been wanting to show you something.”

“Love to.” He smiled as he took her dainty hand in his, leading her away from the reception and along the beach, back towards the hotel.

As they crossed through the hotel lobby and entered the elevator, Teddy smirked as she watched him select their floor. “My my, Dr. Ramsey. If you wanted to get me out of my dress so badly, you didn’t need to lead me astray under the false pretence of a walk. I’d have been more than happy to come for the ride.”

Ethan shook his head with a smirk as they reached their floor. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Dr. Valentinos.”

“I wasn’t complaining, sir.” He shut his eyes tightly at the deliberate rasp in her voice. Stop distracting me.

“Save that for later, Rookie.”

He took her hand again as they walked towards their suite. He turned as they reached the door, smiling nervously as he fidgeted with the key card. “You need to shut your eyes.”

She giggled as she looked at him curiously, “what?”

“Please.”

With a slight furrow in her brows, she complied and her eyes fluttered closed. He opened the door behind them, not taking his eyes off her face as he slowly led her through the living area and out onto the balcony. As they reached the railing, he instructed her to open her eyes and her face lit up with a brilliant smile.

“Ethan…” she gasped, “it’s beautiful.”

“Remind you of anything?”

“Of course. This one year when I was on spring break in Cancun and we got-”, she couldn’t hold in the laugh that came barrelling out as she watched horror fill Ethan’s features. “I’m kidding, Ethan. I can’t believe you did all of this, it’s just like we’re back in Miami two years ago, and then some.”

“You are such a pain in the ass,” he chuckled as he pulled her into his arms.

“Colossal pain in the ass, thank you very much. Really though, it’s gorgeous.”

She stood on the tips of her toes, kissing him softly before looking out over the balcony, the moonlight glittering against the Pacific as she took a deep breath, letting the cool ocean breeze calm her as she took in her surroundings. Her favourite flowers scattered across the ground, bending down to inhale the sweet scent as she wondered when he’d had the time to venture out of the resort for yellow and orange lilies. She smiled to herself. Checking on patients, my ass. She walked over to the furniture, a small table surrounded by large chairs, a bottle of wine sat atop it. She picked it up, her smile only growing wider as she recognised the label.

She turned around to meet his gaze, her peaceful smile reflected back at her.

“This is… everything’s the same as our first date.”

“You’ve been calling the gala our first date for nearly a year, and now you’re claiming Miami, Rookie? How many first dates have we had?”

She grinned up at him as she made her way by him to the railing, his arms enveloping her from behind as she lay her head back against his chest.

“First date - first time I realised I was falling for you. They’re interchangeable.” She shrugged as she felt a chuckle reverberate against her back. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me. It’s perfect.” She turned in his arms, her hands pushing herself away slightly from his broad chest so she could look up at him. “It almost feels like we’ve come full circle, you know.”

He swallowed down an intense bout of fear, taking a deep breath as he took her hands from his chest and into his own, his thumbs stroking her knuckles as he began.

“I’m glad you see it that way. I know this is no small feat for you, but I need you to stay quiet and just listen to what I have to say for a minute, without interrupting me or making a sarcastic comment. Do you think you can do that for me, Teddy?”

She grinned as she nodded enthusiastically, making a show of pretending to zip her lips shut and throwing away the key.

I want to marry a child.

“Firstly, I love you.”

“I love you more.” Ethan looked at her in disbelief as she burst into a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry! I can’t not say it back. I promise to stay quiet now.”

He shook his head as he failed to fight off the kind of laugh only she could elicit from him. They composed themselves, attempting to re-centre himself as he gazed into her emerald eyes intently.

“Rookie, nearly a year ago I was faced with the possibility that I’d never be able to hold you in my arms like this again. Everyday since, I’ve tried to make a conscious effort to show you how much I love you, but I fear I haven’t done you justice. Even after a year, I find myself struggling to fully articulate the depth of my feelings toward you, but it’s about time I really tried. So, here goes.”

“You are the wisest and strongest person I’ve ever met. If there’s a crisis, you don’t freeze; you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. You carried all of us through that fateful day, your inner strength and optimism are unparalleled. You bring out the best in everyone around you. Your impact on other people is far greater than you realise. You are fearless. You claim every part of yourself with unrelenting confidence, and you inspire everyone around you to do the same. When I’m with you, it feels as though there’s no mountain I can’t move, no ocean I can’t swim, no barrier I can’t break. Our relationship has given me a gift I don’t feel I can ever repay… you gave me permission to be me. Unapologetically. And the knowledge that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, you will still love me. Unapologetically. I hope that you know that there is nothing in this world that could restrain or rival the love I have for you. I finally understand the meaning of unconditional love, and I couldn’t be more elated that you were the one to show me it.”

Teddy’s hands were shaking slightly as she stared at him wide eyes, biting her lip to stop it from trembling.

“I thought that the chance to not only meet, but to be loved by somebody like you was a million to one. I had resigned myself to a life of medicine, working and living in solitude, never expecting to meet anyone who could rival the sense of purpose it gave me. I had closed myself off to nearly everyone for years, unbelieving and unwilling of an attempt at true love after every example I had witnessed, never feeling like my life was lacking. And then you catapulted yourself into my life, and it was like my grey life was suddenly bursting in vibrant colours. I can still picture that little smirk on your face as you asked me to give you private lessons on your very first day, and I think that I already knew somehow, during that first encounter, that you weren’t like anyone I’d ever met, or would ever meet.”

Teddy’s tears were openly streaming down her face now, her breath shaky as she stared at the man she loved. “Ethan…”

“Shh, not yet. It’s your bit soon, Rookie, I promise. Now, where was I?” He winked, his confidence rising as he spoke from the heart, the words coming out like they were the most natural thing in the world.

“Sometimes the knowledge that you’re mine takes my breath away; the knowledge that someone so selfless, kind, beautiful, hilarious, and unbelievably perfect could end up with a cynic like me.”

Teddy smiled up at him, raising their entwined hands to touch his cheek. His eyes flickered shut, instinctively leaning into her caress as she stroked his bearded cheek. With a sense of finality to his words, he opened his eyes.

“I thank my lucky stars each day that this is my reality, and I promise to spend every day of our lives together showing you how grateful I am, for as long as you’ll have me. My heart is yours for as long as you want it.”

Ethan took a deep breath as he gently dropped Teddy’s right hand back to her side, reaching into his left pocket and producing a small box, opening to reveal a blinding ring: a very large and prominent oval diamond sitting on a delicate gold band.

“I’m not going to get down on one knee. I’m not going to ask you a question. I love you, Theodora Valentinos, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Her lips quivered as they formed the greatest smile he’d ever seen in his life, her cheeks high and dimples out in full effect. “You are asking, Ramsey. And my answer is yes. Yes, yes, yes.” She laughed as she threw her head back, screaming, “yes!” as he joined in with her, lifting her from the ground as he spun her in the air, kissing her with every ounce of emotion inside of him until they were dizzy.

He placed her back on her feet, his touch never leaving her soft skin as he lifted her left hand, slowly slipping the ring onto her slender finger. He internally patted himself on the back, the ring fitting perfectly as they beamed at each other, another fixture on the long list of signs marking them meant to be.

He took her face in his hands, cupping her cheeks as he peppered kissed across her entire face. “You could never know how happy you make me.”

She giggled as she gripped his hands, “I think I have an idea.” He dabbed her cheeks with the back of his hands, wiping away her tears, the action pointless as new ones began to fall instantaneously. “I love you, Ethan, with my whole heart. I can’t wait to start the rest of our lives together.”

“Funny you should mention that, how about we start it right now?”

She raised an eyebrow as she looked at him curiously. “Come again?”

“I love you, Teddy, so whatever way you want us to get married, I am more than happy to oblige. However, no matter what you decide you’d like to do, nothing is stopping us from eloping - right here, tonight.”

“Oh my god, let’s fucking do it.”

Ethan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as he laughed. “That took a lot less convincing than I had anticipated and prepared for. Do you not want a big wedding?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. Who cares? What I do know, is that the two of us are here, right now, together, in this magical place, and I feel like I might burst with my love for you. Why wait, Ethan?”

“You’re preaching to the choir, baby. I’m the one that suggested this, remember?”

She giggled as she bit her lip. “Oh yeah, well then… how are we doing this?”

"That's for me to know, and you to marvel in wonder."

She beamed up at him. “I’m at your mercy.” As they walked back into their suite, her eyes widened as she realised she was still barefoot. “Oh, shit. I left my heels at the reception and they’re the only ones I brought with me!” Realisation then dawned on her as she stopped panicking. “Actually, fuck it, I don’t need them. It’s on the beach, right?” She pulled him into her as she gazed at him with pleading eyes. “Ethan, baby, tell me it’s on the beach.”

He shook his head fondly at her dramatics. “It’s on the beach, Rookie.”

“Ugh, I knew I was marrying you for a reason.” He chuckled warmly, guiding them towards the door before she abruptly brought them to a stop, again. She screeched at him, “Ethan!” Her eyes were wide with terror as her mouth dropped open.

“What? What is it?”

“Did you ask for my dad’s blessing? I know it’s super old-fashioned but he will hurt you if not. It’s fine, you can call him now, and I’ll pretend I’m not here and then we can-”

“Rookie, relax. I called to ask him months ago. And I spoke to both your mother and father earlier today to let them know of our plans to elope, which they were absolutely ecstatic to hear as long as you call your mom with the full details tomorrow and promise to at least have a party to celebrate when we get home, if we don’t intend to have another wedding. And before you ask, yes, my father knows and is also elated.”

“You cocky little shit,” she laughed as he rolled his eyes, the intended effect lost as it accompanied his wry smile. “You didn’t even believe for one second that I’d say no.”

“Call it diagnostics instinct, baby.”

“Stop calling me baby or else we’ll end up celebrating our wedding night before we’re married.” He smirked as she trailed her fingernails through the hair at the base of his neck, a shiver running up his spine.

“Then come with me.”

They finally made it onto the sand, the walk taking much longer than expected as Ethan couldn’t resist the urge to kiss his soon to be bride every few steps they made.

As they approached the stretch of beach that had already been transformed for Ines’ wedding ceremony, Teddy stopped in her tracks as a shocked gasp escaped her.

Replacing the earlier flowers at the altar were more of the same lilies that covered her hotel balcony, and standing in front of it was Zaid, Naveen and Sienna. Naveen was smiling at the pair warmly, Sienna began to cry as soon as her eyes met Teddy’s, and she could have sworn she saw the corner of Zaid’s lip turning upwards as he attempted to retain an air of stoicism.

As she looked up at Ethan, lost for words, he smiled, “We’ve got Baz to thank for most of this. Did you really think that I’d keep you in the dark of an interesting case?” He chuckled as she swatted his arm playfully. “If it wasn’t obvious, Zaid is going to officiate for us, since he was already ordained for earlier. And I figured you’d still like a maid of honour and best man, elopement or not.”

She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, her jaw aching from the amount she’d been smiling all day and night. She couldn’t believe that this was her life. She was happy, healthy, head over heels in love, and she’d bagged herself the best man she had ever known. A man who couldn’t even picture himself getting married three years ago, and yet here he was, taking it upon himself to plan their wedding on his own merit. I turned Ethan Ramsey into a simp.

She opened her eyes softly as his deep voice came through. “Ready to start the rest of your life, Dr. Ramsey?”

“Ah, ah, ah.” She shook her head. “Mrs Ramsey. I’m still Dr. Valentinos at the hospital, I don’t want your lame ass name holding me back when I’m super successful and I’ve made your life’s work look like child’s play.”

Ethan let out a surprised laugh as she grinned. “Is it too late to turn back?”

“Yes, dear.”

He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her temple as she sighed happily. “I love you, Rookie.”

“And I love you.”

“Shall we?”

Hand in hand, they walked across the sand bank, more in love than ever and more than ready to become husband and wife.

*****

A/N II: Guys, that DG shot in the moodboard had absolutely nothing to do with any of this this lmao. Ethan is in his tux for the entirety of the fic, I just couldn’t help myself, he’s so fucking fiiiiiiiiine.

If you made it through that fluffy shit show, I love you endlessly!

*****

@ao719 @burnsoslow @charlotteg234 @forallthatitsworth @queenrileyrose @starrystarrytrouble @imaneditorthankyouverymuch @stateofgracious @lsvdw-blog

#open heart #ethan ramsey #dr ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #dr ethan jonah ramsey #dr ethan x mc #casey valentine #dr casey valentine #ethan x casey #oph mc #oph #oph fic #open heart ethan #open heart third year #my writing #kt tries to write

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yongtxt · 5 years ago

Text

hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

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intoanothermind · 4 years ago

Text

Starbucks - Dylan O’Brien

Word Count: 1.491

- Dylan O’Brien x reader

Synopsis: It’s your birthday and your best friend surprises you with a meeting with your favourite cast.

Masterlist

---

I opened the door of my favourite Starbucks and sighed at the warmth of the heater welcoming me. Los Angeles was not as cold as the northern cities, but for a Brazilian, 60° F was basically enough for me to almost freeze to death. I went straight to the counter and, like every day, mentally thanked it for being too small to be known to many people.

“Same as usual, shorty?” Asked Kenny, the clerk and the first person I met when I arrived. I didn't like the nickname very much, but he never pronounced my name correctly.

“The usual.” I answered, smiling.

It didn’t take much time, Kenny soon handed me the frappuccino and three chocolate muffins that I liked so much. I walked to one of the last tables, preparing for the two hours I'd be waiting there until Kenny's shift was over so we could go to college together. Today, for some reason, I sat facing the other tables, not with my back to them as was the usual. I automatically took my laptop out of my backpack and turned it on. I liked to spend that time eating muffins while watching some episodes of some TV shows. My addiction has always been Teen Wolf since an old friend showed it to me. Of course I was already fan of some of the actors, but seeing that Dylan O'Brien played my favourite character only made me complain about not having met the TV show before.

I spent my time there watching the last episode released when I heard the door open and the sound of laughter caught my attention. I already knew the faces of most of the people passing by at that time, but those laughs were unfamiliar to me. I paused the episode and took off the earphones. When I lift my face, I freeze. Tyler Posey, Holland Roden, Shelley Henning, Cody Christian and, the reason my heart skipped some beats, Dylan O 'Brien. They all talked to Kenny while they waited for his requests, looking like his friends.

“God damn it.” swore in Portuguese, as my first reaction.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, I don’t know, I was still confused), it ended up drawing the Dylan’s attention, who nudged Cody, whispered something to him and pointed discreetly to me.

“Shit, shit, shit!” was all I could think of. Living in Los Angeles, I knew there was a possibility of meeting someone famous, but seeing the actor I was always in love with just a few feet from me made me a little desperate. I could only think of how I could run away so as not to embarrass myself in front of them and that's what I did.

I hated to stop an episode in half, but I didn't think twice before turning off my laptop and putting it back in my bag with my notebooks and worksheets. I took advantage that I had already paid Kenny the frappuccino and muffins I had eaten and tried to go as discreetly as possible. When I heard, however, my name being called, I realized that my whole plan went downhill. I turned, mentally cursing my luck, and I saw them all staring at me while Kenny was going around the counter and approaching me.

“Where are you going?” He asked, frowning.

I blushed to feel the gaze of those actors on me, especially Dylan.

“I... Uh...” I thought quickly of an excuse to get out of there. “I remembered that I had to... talk to my photography teacher!” I practically threw up the words out of my mouth, but the lie in my tone was clear.

“Let me introduce you to my friends first, you'll still have time to talk to Mr. Fitzpatrick.” He said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders so he could drag me back.

I just wondered how much Kenny was the son of a bitch. He knew I was a fan of them.

“So, guys, this one is the Brazilian friend I talked about.” I blushed instantly under their gazes, and all I wanted was to be able to kill Kenny slowly and painfully.

“Hi.” I stammered as I waved, still stuck to the ground, frozen.

I saw a giant smile spread on Holland's lips and she came to me.

“My God, you are cutest fan I've ever seen!”

Holland hugged me and I relaxed almost immediately. Her hug was more comforting than I thought it would be. They all hugged me, and when I reached Dylan, I froze. I didn't want to look rude, but I felt like all my body was shaking. I spent so many years imagining that scene and now it seemed so unreal! Dylan seemed to notice my nervousness, for he smiled at me as if trying to get comfort. I stepped forward and hugged him as tightly as I could, and I knew I could barely breathe because of my nervousness. He squeezed me back in his arms and I felt like I might faint right there. I didn't want to let go of him, but when I did, I had a huge smile on my lips.

“Happy?” Asked Kenny, smiling when he saw me with my shoulders still wrapped around Dylan's arm. They all laughed at the sight of my flushed cheeks. “They always come here in the morning before they go to the studio, but I asked them to come here tonight. Happy birthday, shorty!”

I knew he would remember, but I didn't expect such a surprise. I hugged my friend, thrilled.

“Thank you, Kenny!” I murmured, still hugging him.

“You deserve it.” He said releasing me.

“Time to get the cake, what do you think, Kenny?!” Cody suggested, and I widened my eyes.

“Didn’t you have to talk with the teacher?” He turned to me with a sarcastic look.

I smiled tidily. “Mr. Fitzpatrick can wait.”

He chuckled and went to the kitchen. Tyler went to Starbucks entrance, closing it shortly after. Holland held my hand will and Shelley, leading us towards a table.

“Kenny talked so much about you! I feel like we were already friends!”

She spoke in a way so similar to Lydia that I couldn't help but laugh with Shelley. Tyler, Cody and Dylan sat around me. Kenny arrived shortly after, with a chocolate cake and singing of “happy birthday”. I just could smile.

And I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so happy.

~ * ~

One year later

I opened the door of my favourite Starbucks and went to Kenny with a big smile on my lips. He finished getting a old lady’s order and laughed when he saw me.

“What are you doing here, girl?!” He asked, laughing.

I rolled my eyes and pulled our research out of my bag.

“Stop being ungrateful!” I laugh too. “I'm not going to college today, but I needed to give you our work.”

Kenny took the job from my hand and practically kicked me out.

“Bye, shorty, I know you want to go there with your sweetheart.” He scoffed, and I couldn't help but laughing at the way he said it. “By the way, happy birthday.” He kissed my cheek.

I thanked him and quickly left, heading straight for the passenger seat of the car parked in front of Starbucks.

“And you, ready for the date?” Dylan asked from the driver's seat.

I looked at him, smiling. It was amazing how my whole life changed after my last birthday. I never imagined that I would become friends with the cast of my favourite TV show - much less than a few months later, Dylan would ask me out and today we would be dating.

“I'm excited to know what surprise you have prepared for today.” I answered him, smiling.

Dylan flashed that smile that I once admired only from pictures. I could stay there a whole day, admiring his hazel eyes and his beauty marks. He, however, didn’t seem to agree, for he soon pulled me in for a kiss. When we broke apart, I was breathless.

“Happy birthday, love.” He murmured hoarsely against my lips.

“Thanks, babe.” I said, depositing a long peck on his lips before pulling away.

Dylan put the car to work while I buckled up the seatbelt. He held my hand on my thigh and I intertwined our fingers. Usually I was very nervous when it involved surprises for me. At that moment, however, I was relaxed.

Being with Dylan was the most important.

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justananxiousauthor · 4 years ago

Text

DestructiveDeath Oneshot

Soooooo, I made this a few months ago.... and never posted it... then shared with my friend... now I gotta post it.... soooo here ya go. @nozapuns Here ya go....

I found myself trembling as Reaper disappeared, my voice still caught in my throat, my throat dry. He didn’t understand, he didn’t understand a thing I’d been through. I’d watched everyone I loved die by the hands of some kid. No, not some kid, Chara. The name made me grit my teeth, I hated that small child with every fiber in my being, and every drop of magic in my soul. They’d taken everything I cared about, everything but Reaper, I guess I took them away from myself. He didn’t understand how much I loathed myself for what had happened, and it wasn’t like I could talk to anyone else in my plain white hell. I’d spend days, months, years maybe, waiting for him to return so we could spend a short time together before he vanished again. I was done living like this, I’d rather return to my timeline and be dusted than spend another moment here, and reaper hated that. I sat on the ground in my lonely silence as time passed by. He’d say he’d be back soon, but here?

Soon could be never.

And never could be soon.

Time passed…….

I don’t even know how long

I could only judge by the exhaustion I felt, so I counted the days by my sleep.

10 cycles passed and I was still alone.

20 passed and nothing…..

50…

100…

Invisible aches filled me, and I don’t even know what happened next. Anger filled me, rage that I couldn’t even understand. I just didn’t understand…..

150…

200…

300…

500…….

5,000………………….

Everything blurred together, the loneliness crushing. Tears burned my skull like fire branding my bones. Then something changed, a new power coursed through my soul as the tears dried to once porcelain white face of mine leaving streaks of light blue. I gasped as I felt the void pulling at my body, glitching it even more than the day I had come here. What was once white turned black, my sockets red eyes yellow, and fingers red and yellow. What was happening?!

I woke up somewhere new, or maybe it was the same place as before, but it felt…..

Different.

I could feel the energy that was hidden in the white space, and it was almost like I could...

Open it.

Out stretching my hand I took in a sharp breath, a window opening for me to look out into the world.

Not a window, a door for me to finally escape my endless prison.

Freedom….

5,001…...

Day 11,397 without Reaper.

A day well done as the Destroyer of AU’s, a title I held dear, bringing all other abominations to their knees. I enjoyed my work, which made it easy to keep others from suffering like how I did. However, I found it impossible to destroy a classic timeline, something I was from, maybe it just pained me too much to see my brother cry… but if a single Sans attempted to become Geno and stray from their code, they would be annihilated. I found myself in a void, not one of my own, one created by a new Geno. The new code felt sickly to me, this idiot had no idea what he was doing, but I could fix that. By the end of the fight, if you could even call it that, his dust laid at my feet, a hollow pain echoing in my soul, but before I could destroy the timeline….

A voice from the past came echoing back.

“Geno, I’m here to visit!” Reaper’s voice echoed through the void. My body stiffened at the sound, so this is what he had been doing? Got in a fight with me so he just found a replacement? A new geno, someone with the same face, personality, a clean slate…

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What- Error!” Reaper growled, and by the time I turned to see him, he had his scythe ready to fight. So quick to jump to attack the one he claimed to love, not that I was that person anymore, Geno died a long long time ago.

“Long time no see Reaper,” I said, I doubt he remembered, I probably wasn’t even the first Geno he played with. I pressed my fingers to my face for a moment before pulling the brightly colored yarn away from my blackened cheekbones, “Do you wanna play too?” I asked, the pain numbing.

“You killed him,” He began staring at the dust that greyed my feet. He charged, probably mad I broke his new toy, so I dodged.

“What? Miss him already? Oh please Reaper, I know this isn’t the first Geno you’ve played with. Just another toy broken in your miserable toy box right?”

“You know NOTHING!!” He yelled while swinging his scythe at me, his rage would be his downfall in this fight.

I was right, the fight ended quickly as Reaper made a mistake and ended up caught in my lines, hands tangled above his head.

“I know nothing?” I asked leaning in, holding the ends of the yarn that tangled him up oh so beautifully. “Is that true? Do I really know nothing? I mean you’ve been Geno hopping for as long as I can remember, their sad faces crying out for you, yet you never come. You never save them, you never saved him.”

“Him?” He asked, he looked so deliciously defeated, like I had destroyed something he actually cared for.

“Geno? All of them, everyone I have ever destroyed.”

“Did you?” He began.

“Of course I did, they all became dust at my feet. Which is really a shame, dust is so hard to wash out.”

“Did you kill a Geno, 11,000 days ago?” He asked, wow, color me impressed, he remembered.

“What’s so important about that Geno in particular? He’s just another abomination snuffed out.”

“He was my Geno, now tell me, did you kill him, 11,000 days ago?” He asked again, his Geno? Me? He was lying, trying to get under my skin. If I had any.

“Yes, I killed Geno, and I watched him scream, I watched him slowly become insane, from loneliness, from guilt, from pain. 11,000 days alone, and I watched, and then, when I became bored with watching his insanity, I killed him.” I said expressionlessly. Reaper’s eyes went dark. “I mean, did you really care about him, you left him alone for so long!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I cared,” He whispered.

“Excuse me?” I said dryly.

“I cared more than I have ever cared about anyone.” Reaper continued.

“You cared about some random Geno that you ran away from?” I couldn’t help but ask as I leaned forwards to look into his deep dead eyes. “You left him alone, to go insane.” I said simply, “you two get in a fight over something that was killing him inside and you left him.”

“I didn’t mean to!” Reaper snapped looking up at me, “I couldn’t get back in! I couldn’t open a portal or anything to his void! I tried to go back to apologize but I couldn’t!” He said now tears began to fall.

“You tried?” I said dryly, “you tried?” I began to laugh, “well obviously Reaper, you didn’t try hard enough!” Now I was yelling, the same painful rage as the day I left filled me. “You left me there alone to suffer for years on end! 15 years of isolation 15 YEARS of being alone and you…. YOU…!” I yanked on the yarn to pull him upright into, what looked like, a rather uncomfortable position. “You tried,” I growled, my anger, my frustration….

“You?” The light returned to his eye as he looked at me.

“Me?” I asked, “What about me? You left Geno alone!” I snapped.

“No, you said I left you alone, Error…” he paused.

“Hah! No, I didn’t,” The anger was quickly replaced with stomach-turning anxiety.

“Error where did you come from?” Reaper asked while looking my body over. “How were you made?” I wanted to hide, remove his wandering eye lights from me.

“That’s a little personal don’t you think?” I asked, feeling sick.

“You’re the one that started monologuing and slipped up. Now tell me, Error, where did you come from.” The look he gave me made me feel like I hadn’t felt in over 30 years. I grabbed my chest with my free hand and looked down.

“It really isn’t any of your business,” I stated.

“I really think it is Geno,” his words made the yarn slip from my hands, releasing him and dropping the other skeleton to the ground. It took him a moment to recover but he stood. “Now, tell me what happened.” He could see right through me, see right through the lies, through this character I had made.

“Don’t call me that,” I said simply, arms dropping to my sides.

“Alright, Error,” He got up and came to me, hands sliding down my arms before taking my hands in his. His touch, though it did make me flinch, it also made me feel like that love-struck puppy I once was. It wasn’t as scary. “Tell me what happened.” I found myself unable to stop once I started, telling him my new life story, the pain, the tears, everything. Damp dark yarn ran down from his empty socks, sticking to my cheeks as he listened to me, one hand gently brushing over my cheekbone as he hushed me, I pushed him back.

“Reaper,” I said my voice cracking from the pain, “I can’t.” my voice broke my own tears falling. “I couldn’t do it anymore,” he hushed me more silently as he pulled me into his arms, one hand cradling the back of my head, the other rubbing circles into my shoulder. I could more glitches coat me but… he was okay... “The loneliness was crushing.”

“It's okay, I am so sorry I left you like that, I tried to go back and apologize, I promise, I’ll be right next to you the whole way, I promise I won’t leave you again,” I swore into my ear.

“But Reaper,” I started with voice trembling, “What am I going to do?” I asked, “I’m no longer the person you love.”

“Error no,” He said pulling back and resting a hand on my cheek, “No no my love, it doesn’t matter who you are, Sans, Geno, Error, I don’t care. I know who I love, and that’s you.” His words made me melt into him, returning into his arms as the tears fell heavier. I just wanted to stay there, in his grip as he protected me from the pain I had felt for all these years without him. He hushed me as I sobbed, the crushing loneliness finally lifting off my shoulders as I just melted into the man I loved’s arms. His hands gently ran over me as he tried to comfort me, trying to hide his own tears. “I am so sorry my love, I love you more than the worlds themselves.”

Day 1 with Reaper again.

#destructivedeath #errorreaper #reapererror #reaperXerror #errorXreaper #undertaleau #fanfic #undertale fanfic #undertale oneshot #Oneshot #yes i know error is not how he is in canon but I love him so shush!#for noza because they just haaaaad to credit me #XP damn you noza #love ya noza #here ya go

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wouldduskwood · 3 years ago

Text

Jake's POV Descendants of Despair Part 9

Duskwood - JakexMC fanfic

Contains swearing and references to abuse types

Note: Much of this fictional backstory is improbable but was needed to give depth to the MC character (intelligence, street smarts/survival skills, manipulation and trust issues)- to make her reactions more understandable and leads on to explain other details later.

—————————————————————————————————

I found myself gazing at her in a mixture of frustration and awe. She was an incredible mixture of clear transparency, allowing me to read deep into her soul...and a complex wall that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't breach. The more time I spent with her, the closer I felt...but her mystery remained. I tried to analyse every micromovement. Under the intensity of my gaze, she lowered her eyes. I wondered if she was as consumed in thought and emotion as I was. I hated to admit it to myself, but I was scared. Terrified.

I cleared my throat, deciding it was pointless to delay the inevitable. “Sorry,” she mumbled. She was sorry... I should have been taking control and she was sorry. I sighed.

“Don’t be, I could start talking too but…let’s just say I get where you are coming from.” My fingers grazed against the table top in an attempt to release some frustration. “It is like we are on a fucking knife edge. It is impossible to just sit back and ignore this, but…what I have to tell you… it could have you running for the hills and permanently ridding yourself of me. I may have a few tricks up my sleeve, but from what I have witnessed these past few days, so do you and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that if you don’t want to be found, it would be damn near impossible for me to do so.” I lowered my eyes, watching my fingers grating against the rough surface of the table. 'What if she does leave?' I questioned. When this first began, I would have been thankful for that...but now I wasn't so sure. However, I was sure of one thing, that I wanted her to be happy. “I would willingly let you go…if that was what was best for you…but not knowing you were safe…how the fuck could I even function with that possibility.”

She had remained silent during my outburst and I found myself wondering why. Had I scared her off already?

“You realise that everything you have just said is the same pressure I have right now. My past isn’t exactly rainbows, unicorns and fluffy kittens you know.” she groaned.

“Touché,” I admitted. “So,what? Paper, scissors, rock to see who starts?” I suggested with a wry smile, trying to lighten the mood a little.

“No, I’ll begin. Look I already know a bit more about you than you do about me. During our conversations on the phone, I put more pressure on you to reveal information than you ever did to me. That was manipulative of me…” She took a deep breath as I waited as patiently as I could, my gaze flicking between her and the tabletop. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Okay, remember a while ago when we were making small talk. You asked a specific question and it was the first and only time I have ever logged off before you…especially without answering...” “Mm” I mumbled. At the time I had thought I was getting too personal with my questions.

“You asked about my family and at the time I didn’t tell you. It isn’t a short story and it isn’t exactly something I am quick to admit to. I have to tell you now.” she began. I stopped moving my fingers over the tabletop for a minute and looked at her. “Okay, uh I guess I will start at the beginning” she grinned as if buying herself a little time to get her thoughts in order.

“A wise place to start” I muttered dryly and was thrilled when she laughed.

“Smartass” she groaned. That was something I doubted I'd ever get used to. It separated her from all the other females I'd ever known. She swore, got angry and called me out for my shit. She was the most real person I had ever met.

“Okay, I don’t exactly have a family. At least not one I know. The day after I was born, my parents walked out of the hospital and never came back for me. The nurses kept me there for a while as they tried to find where my parents were. Anyway, somehow I contracted an infection from the hospital and I was kept in until that was resolved. Unfortunately this had the negative impact of being classed as potentially being a sickly child…Foster care parents don’t generally willingly take a sickly child, unless they are really serious. There are several kinds of foster care parents. The genuine ones that aim to one day adopt, the ‘kid collectors’, the ‘save the relationships’, the ‘have a gifted kid’…” The list does go on a bit. Anyway, abuse is fairly commonplace in the majority of these homes. The abuse could be emotional, physical or sexual in nature….” her voice cracked as she spoke, indicating how deep her hurt had been. I cast her a concerned look and hesitantly reached a hand towards her but pulled it back before we touched. I wanted to support her, hold her, make everything okay. But the reality was, it wasn't okay and I didn't know if my closeness would make that fact even more raw for her.

She swallowed sharply then began her story again. “By the time I was 6, I was in a pretty dire situation…I won’t go into much detail here, maybe one day but…not yet. I remember staying awake late into the night contemplating. I cried a lot that night. Before dawn, I packed the few belongings I had and left. I had made the decision to try and make it on my own. It was a terrifying thought. I knew the world outside would be dangerous but I also knew I wouldn’t survive long where I was. I was glad I had left when I did, the sun was beginning to rise so my surroundings weren’t quite as scary. I made my way to the “ghetto” part of town and people watched for a while. I saw an elderly woman sitting on the bench near the railroad. I watched her for a bit and established she likely had a drinking problem. I recognised the telltale signs from watching my foster carer drink. I knew what alcohol could potentially do to somebody but she seemed safe enough so I approached her and asked if I could sit with her for a while. She took a look at my appearance and must have decided I needed help. She became my only caregiver and first real teacher. She taught me to read, write and simple math using things we found lying around. I maintained a cool and wary distance from her. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me herself but I also knew she would sell me for a drop of alcohol if it came to that.”

Pain mingled with awe. At such a young age, to recognise she needed to choose between the uncertainty of life on the street or she faced death...I had met plenty of adults that would have pissed themselves with lighter situations than that.

Part 10

#duskwood mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood jake x #duskwood jake pov #duskwood jake x player #duskwood jakexplayer #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jakexmc fanfic #duskwood

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whoiskt · 3 years ago

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End-of-year questions for 2021 under cut

1: What did you do in 2021 that you’d never done before?

Lots of running related based ones so I'll just say the biggest accomplishment which was running a 5k, without hardly stopping to walk. Got my passport finally. Went the furthest East I've ever been. Finished and wore an entirely handmade cosplay. I worked 9 days in a row which was horrible. See, not all new experiences are good 😅

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolution was to stop saying "I think" so much, especially when I was completely sure. Confidence-based thing yet. I've gotten better but I still mess up.

What matters most to me going into the new year is getting out and doing stuff. I want to go out more and just do more of everything. So, my resolution will probably be something related. Thinking of making weekly goals even?

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nooope.

4: Did anyone close to you die?

Also, no!

5: What countries did you visit?

I stayed right where I am, thank you continued global pandemic.

6: What would you like to have in 2022 that you lacked in 2021?

(Leans into mic) a career, please. AND ALL THE FOO FIGHTERS MERCH (the character not the band)

7: What dates from 2021 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

You overestimate my memory.

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I made a friend :) and many people have told me that the pictures I took of them was their all-time fave which means so much to me 💕

9: What was your biggest failure?

Eh, probably not finding a job still but that's acting like I haven't given up which most of the time I have. I study and practice for interviews but I'm just not a smooth talker. Just isn't cutting it, I guess.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

I got sick 3 times this year!! THREE! And they were all pretty nasty. I hate working in retail, oh my god.

11: What was the best thing you bought?

My phone. Although it was a gift... But I was prepared to buy it myself.

I also rocked at Christmas gifting this year. 🤟 Hell yeah!

12: Whose behavior merited celebration?

I love my boyfriend so I'm always inclined to say Will. He's so nice to me 🥲

I also enjoy the people who stand up for themselves. One little example of this was there was a new boss at work who was helping a customer who swore at him and he shut it down like, "Ma'am I'm trying to help you but if you're going to use language like that then we're done here and you can shop elsewhere." Mad respect.

13: Whose behavior made you appalled?

So, so many people. Definitely the guy who was revealed to only being hanging out with us to get to this one girl, cheated on his girlfriend with her, and messed up our friend group. I'd legit slash his tires but I hold back.

14: Where did most of your money go?

Damn, I don't even KNOW sometimes.

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going back to in-person events. Vacation. Ugh, I just love being in hotels away from home. So magical.

16: What song will always remind you of 2021?

Probably the big Lil Nas X songs released this year.

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?

Probably happier? Bring quarantined was not fun. Probably about the same, idk. Also still probably about the same, haha. Richer in having more stuff, I guess?

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?

Chores. But in that way where I more wish they were done by past me rather than current me having to do them. Ya know?

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sweat. 😅

20: How did you spend Christmas?

Usual Christmas with the family back home. I will never do anything different.

21: Did you fall in love in 2021?

I fall more in love everyday and it fucking rocks.

22: What was your favorite TV program?

Some things I enjoyed this year: Mob Psycho, Invincible, HunterxHunter, New Girl, Castlevania, Schitt's Creek, Demon Slayer, The Queen's Gambit, Attack on Titan, and Doctor Stone. Did a lot of rewatching this year too 😅

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yes 😒

24: What was the best book you read?

I haven't been reading books but I got Dune for Christmas so I'm gonna read that soon. I read Chainsaw Man and loved that, though.

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?

Not sure I branched it too much this year? Or I branched so much out and forgot to discover?

26: What did you want and get?

Foo Fighters merch increased from 2 extremely obscure keychain/figure, to now several things. I haven't actually bought any of them yet though.

27: What did you want and not get?

A jooooooob 😔

28: What was your favorite film of this year?

I have some catching up to do because quite a few films I wanted to see I accidentally missed their run in theaters. Spiderman was pretty good. I'm glad Tom Holland finally got his own movie since the previous Spiderman movies were more about Ironman than him. I also enjoyed Free Guy.

29: What one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Stone Ocean announcement and first batch of episodes dropped.

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2021?

Target apparel. Pretty much exclusively. 😂 Using that discount.

31: What kept you sane?

Foo Fighters animated. Vacation planning. Periodically melting down. Socializing (even when I didn't want to).

Going for walks/runs.

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None but I keep seeing the actor who plays Winston in New Girl everywhere in ads and I scream every time. Not for the actor. For Winston.

33: What political issue stirred you the most?

Hm, well abortion access is back under threat this year. Worker's rights. Vaccination. Fatphobia. Transphobia. I don't know I get stirred by a lot of things it's probably not good for me mentally.

34: Who did you miss?

I miss many people. Some I'm not sure I know. Will's in the other room right now and I miss him.

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2021.

It's all about connecting with people who are open to growth. It's about consistently dedicating yourself to personal change. I suck at that but it's true. (Kinda knew this already but! Sometimes you gotta learn a lesson multiple times.)

Not the best year for my social anxiety. It is deadass so hard to become my friend right now because I don't trust anyone. What I realized about closing myself off to people is it doesn't hurt any less when the "betrayal" comes. It doesn't feel like a bullet dodged, it's still a wound.

So, it's not about avoiding people. It's about finding the right ones.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

#lifeblogging #year in review

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ashleyswrittenwords · 4 years ago

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Hatred

Corrupted!Link Oneshot

Uhhh, @intangiblyyourswrites made me do it. Zelink, sorta.

I’m moving back to college soon so take this as payment for my absence!

(Very small, if you squint, non-sexual noncon thing in here. Also blood cw. Don’t want to spoil it, but if things like that make you uncomfy I wanted to let you know.)

------

The blade was dipped in red.

He died but his smile was no proof of that.

Behind him was hellfire screams as the Calamity burned its hatred for her into the sky. Zelda’s sandals pounded against the grass beyond Fort Hateno, fear reaching her throat. The grasses of Hyrule Field hid its unevenness and the lip of her shoe quickly caught a jagged rock.

Her ankle grew warm with the slick heat. She didn’t bother to check if her skin tore.

For days she was able to evade whatever had become of the Hylian Champion. Calamity Ganon had resurfaced just as the prophecy foretold and Zelda was unable to save anyone. Not even the one who swore to protect her and refused to follow their own fate to save hers.

Footsteps lumbered over to her. The Master Sword was slung over his shoulder lazily and he wore his amusement on his sleeve. The sight of Link always shocked her. Scraps of malice crawled up his limbs and left the clothes he had died in tattered. Zelda couldn’t recall if the blood that marred his tunic was there when he was lifeless in her arms.

“Predictable,” he laughed bitterly. “A failure even in saving your own life.”

Zelda’s chest heaved and she fought her own primal instincts. Red glowing guardians verged on the edge of the field with eyes spinning rapidly around. This man, someone she refused to acknowledge as her friend, didn’t seem to favor them despite their obedience to his whims. She began to believe that their distance was learned from seeing their own kind be victim to his anger.

“How could you say that?” she demanded. “How could you when you’re the one who has told me I was worth so much more than destiny?”

That was when his smile slipped. His bicep flexed as the sword slipped from his shoulder and he held it in a set stance.

“Did you think you could run from me long? Because this game is beginning to bore me.”

Zelda scrambled back, gasping pain when she attempted to put weight on her ankle. The tears that threatened to spill weren’t due to that, however. “You disgust me.”

“There we go, goddess!” Link harked, drawing closer. His hair was carefully drawn back, neater than the last time he had almost caught her. The blue in his eyes was void of any shine they once held, they were darker. “Those are the words that excite me. Pray tell, dear Zelda, what else do I do to you?”

“Your cruelty sickens me,” she spat. Zelda tried to mirror in approach with receding steps, but stumbled from injury. In a second’s time, he sank his sword into the soil and gripped her forearm harshly. She yelped and sagged against him.

His expression was darker, drunk on whatever power was possessing him. “What else?”

“You’re repulsing, vulgar, irreprehensible.”

He forced her hand up to eyesight and wretched it palm down to where he could clearly see three golden triangles growing bright gold against the dark. Against him. The light danced in his eyes, duller than it was days ago - the time between their meetings had blurred as she desperately tried to pull together the severed kingdom.

Yet containing Calamity Ganon with her magic was taking its toll, especially when it was unpracticed.

Zelda was never a good judge of character when it comes to people. It made her a poor courtier when the court still existed and now she scorned that fact about herself because the expression on his face was indescribable. All good sense and reason her mind could muster told her that this man meant to kill her just as he attempted to when she went to put Link in the Shrine of Resurrection.

His grip on her was cemented as she tried to pull away, so weak that she couldn’t heal herself.

When he spoke, she flinched. “Do you hate me?”

She tried to search him. Any ounce of what had been was null to a wild, utterly corrupted being. At one point, there was a man who brought her calmness from one single glance. Now, she was kept awake from fear of this new inhabitant. His eyes saw too deeply and there was nothing humane in his mannerisms. This being thrived on sorrow, even more so when he was the source of it.

Zelda once craved his smile, but now it only spoke of foreboding demise. She should hate him for everything he has done. To wield the sword of legends against his own countrymen was damning enough. Murdering, pilleging, and seeming to enjoy every second. From the second he laid eyes on her, she felt a chilling fear that stays with you. That scratches into your skin and makes you think of it in the darkness of your dreams to convince you illogically that morning will never come.

It was all a game of cat and mouse to him.

She still felt shame to find herself preferring this Link to a dead one… but he was still dead, right? Whoever this was couldn’t possibly be him.

“Yes,” she said, her throat scratchy and dry from overexertion. Green eyes met icy blue. “I hate you. I hate you, but the more I hate you the more I hate myself.”

Pain welled in her heart. How dare he use that body? I dare he take from her and continue to remind her of what could have been?

She yelped as he drug her to eye level.

“Strike me,” Link implored, shaking her slightly. “Just as you did when at the fort. Raise your hand to me and strike me.”

Zelda scowled. “No.”

“Why?”

“I’m not your dog to command.”

He was put off. The reason was beyond her. The man swallowed thickly and tried to look through her. “Do it.”

When she didn’t, he grimaced. His words came out with gravelly anger, “If you hate me, then do it.”

That was when she saw a new kind of rage that bubbled thick and hot. His breath came short and uneven, fanning over her as she stared back defiantly. If he were to kill her now, she wasn’t going to be complacent.

Then, without warning, he brought his mouth over hers and kissed her. His lips were rough like the way he touched her; completely untamed and only able to take, take, take.

She wanted to lash out, scream at him, anything that would hurt him. But his lips clouded her mind and only the screams from Calamity Ganon brought him away from her. The goddess’s child felt the monster beat against her seal over Hyrule Castle and Link released her. Suddenly without his support, she crumbled to the ground. Above the woman was Link yelling curses towards the cloud of malice.

“Shut up!” he snarled, stopping shortly to listen to words she couldn’t hear. “Does it look like I care?!”

The one-sided shouting match continued to the point where Zelda scrambled to ignore the pulsing of her joints. The Master Sword didn’t reject her when she grasped it, nor did it fight her when she wielded it against its rightful owner and slashed it into his side.

It took everything she had not to follow it into the dirt, spinning slightly to the side with its momentum. Link paused mid-insult, bringing a hand from his side to his face. He stared at the blood as if it were an annoying hindrance instead of debilitating injury, then found her eyes.

First, he smiled a twisted and gnarled grin before devolving into a bout of laughter.

She ran.

#this is kristie's fault not mine #au where link wears eyeliner #corrupted!link #dark link #?#i guess #loz #legend of zelda: breath of the wild #legend of zelda #zelink #sorta #link #zelda #fanfiction #zelink fanfiction #loz fanfiction #blood

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sxveme-2 · 4 years ago

Text

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Unedited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Twenty Eight: The One When He Comes Home

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 2338

Lily and Cedar sat in the lab for a few moments after she posed her question, eyes locked on one another, trying to figure out what the other was thinking. The two were seemingly two birds of a feather when they were younger, but as age and the years weathered them both, they split into two. Neither truly understanding what was going on in the other's head. Lily used to be able to figure out Cedar in a matter of seconds, but now...he was just a shell of the brother she adored. He wasn't who he used to be. It broke Lily to see him like this, but she wondered if it may be a charade. If his entire presence was a trick done by her parents to get their hands on what they truly wanted out of all of this.

"So are we just going to sit here and stare at each other?" Cedar quipped, shifting in his seat, "Learn that from the assassin you let sleep in the same house as my nephew?"

Lily lowered her eyes at his words, a rage boiling deep inside of her, "What happened to the calm and relaxed demeanour from yesterday?" she questioned, crossing her legs, "And don't speak about James like that. You don't know him."

"What? Not Bucky anymore?"

"Not to you, he isn't."

Both resumed the same tense silence as earlier, though this time, Lily's back stood a bit straighter. Her eyes lowered and focused solely on the expressionless face of Cedar. He was hiding something behind that facade of being too weak, but that may simply be the cynic inside of Lily. Perhaps he was telling the truth. Perhaps her parents used him against his own will. But if she knew Cedar, he didn't do it willingly.

"What do you want, Cedar?" Lily questioned, leaning back in her seat as Natasha walked in with pancakes.

"To help," he stated cooly, eyes glancing to the agent that dropped the two plates in front of Lily and him, "To help you, and the others."

Lily stayed silent as she waited for Natasha to leave the room. When she did, the blonde leaned forward and took a bite of the pancakes. Not as good as hers, but not bad. She watched Cedar carefully, monitoring every flick of his eyes and twitch of his hands. The way his breath increased whenever he heard voices travelling from upstairs. He was anxious, Lily figured that out pretty quickly, but also scared. Of what? She wasn't sure.

"I need the truth, Cedar." Lily stated simply, placing down her fork.

He hesitated, mouth pursing before he took a bite of his own pancakes, wiping his mouth before speaking, "They want something they can't have, Lily," he said in a hushed tone, "something I know you'd be damned before ever giving up."

"What is it?" She questioned, shrugging her shoulders, "Hunter? Because I'll take them on myself before any of you lay a hand on him."

"Any of us? You think so low of me, Lil?"

"I do," she stated harshly, voice shaking, "I do Cedar. Rose does too. So does Hunter. So does James."

"So your boyfriend's opinion on me means more than everything we've been through?" He scoffed, pushing his plate away.

Lily watched intently. Everything was going as Bucky had instructed her. He wanted her to rile him up, get his emotions going to reveal something they didn't know before. It hurt her, it destroyed her, but she knew he was right. She knew that the man before her was not her brother, but someone else wearing his skin. Maybe had his heart, but not his soul. This was someone who had been corrupted into something far more extreme than he realized. His actions put so many people in danger, and in harm's way, including Lily, and her son.

"What we've been through?" Lily chucked, shaking her head, "No. No Cedar this isn't about what we've been through. This is about what you aren't realizing. I hold James' opinion higher because he was there to put things into perspective for me when you, mom, and dad, were off doing your little experiments."

"This has nothing to do with him." Cedar stated simply, shrugging his shoulders in a menacing mockery of Lily.

"This has everything to do with him. He is my family now Cedar," Lily sneered, "And you have decided to mess with my family. You stopped being family when you tried to hurt my son."

"Oh my god, this has nothing to do with Scott's either!" Cedar exclaimed, standing to his feet and pushing the chair away.

"Why were you there, Cedar?" Lily asked, her voice as calm as a river after a storm.

"Can we not do this-"

"Why were you there?"

"You can't be serious right now, Lily!"

"Answer me!"

"TO GET HUNTER!" Cedar exploded, flipping the plate off the table, causing Lily to jump away out of instinct, "AND TO GET YOU! TO BRING YOU HOME! SO YOU COULD BE LIKE US!"

Lily stared at the man, analyzing the words of his confession. Her heart raced and chest was rising and falling at a rate that showed she was close to tears. Her lips quivered and eyes were wide. She knew he didn't mean their actual home. She didn't know where he meant. But it wasn't the calm, two story, eco friendly home in Long Island. It was where this new Cedar had been made. Because her parents were going to start with their own family. Make them new, and make them into the icons that the world "needed".

"Well that was quite the show." Tony's voice echoed as he stepped into the lab, "Glad to know Cyborg doesn't just have old gears in his head." The man quipped, turning his attention to Cedar, "C'mon. Don't make this arrest harder than it already will be."

Cedar's eyes dropped down to Lily, who was shaking slightly in her seat. Her own eyes dropped down to the broken plate on the floor, her mind racing as memories resurfaced. The feeling of betrayal sat heavy in her stomach, and she knew that it was her own doing. She should have fought harder for him. Made him confess that he was being manipulated or controlled. Anything to prove that what Cedar was doing was not his true intent, not his true wishes. But she knew that it was, all from the heavy breathing escaping from his mouth as he sneered down at his sister. The way he looked at her, that of disgust and hurt. She could only imagine what her own looked like.

"You've become a coward, Lily." He spat, before turning towards Tony.

-----

Two hours later, Lily sat in her bed with the blankets pulled tightly up to her chin. Tears ceased to fall from her cheeks, seemingly having run out. Her body shook as the dry heaving took over her quiet sobs. No one dared ask to talk, not even Rose. Steve tried at first, and earned a pillow being thrown at him by the broken woman. Her hands were numb and aching from the grip she held on the blankets, trying to hide away from the world. She hated herself for what she did, despite it being the right thing.

The sound of a helicopter or plane above the compound set Lily's heart off into a frenzy. Either someone was visiting, or Bucky was coming home. With Cedar's confession and evidence of DNA altering from Tony and Bruce's tests, she could only assume that they had enough to convict her parents of whatever. But she didn't move from her spot. She couldn't. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to face the truth of what happened. What she did. She betrayed her own family. But most of all, she failed.

She raised Cedar. She cooked for him, bathed him, did everything for him. She swore to protect him at all costs. Keep him safe from all the dangers of the world, just as she had sworn to Hunter. Instead, she let him fall into the hands of her parents. Those same parents she came to realize were the farthest thing from that. They provided food, and a shelter, sure, but they weren't parents. They never cared for Lily, they never cared for Rose, and all they ever did to Cedar was us him. Convince him of things she knew for a fact weren't true. Maybe that's why he went to them. Trying to fill that hole of not having them as a child.

He was her brother. And she said he wasn't even family anymore.

Her eyes lifted as her bedroom door opened, the face of her son popping around with sad eyes. Lily immediately released the blankets and wiped her eyes, opening her arms to Hunter as he walked forward. When he climbed onto the bed, Lily gave a weak and clearly forced smile. She knew he could see through it, but she figured any sense of comfort that he could get, would help in the times he was experiencing. Hunter sat across from her with his legs crossed, mirroring her own position.

"Uncle Cedar is getting arrested," he whispered, voice barely louder than the wind.

"I know," Lily whispered, nodding slowly as she pursed her lips, "They won't try to hurt us anymore. Ever. I promise."

Hunter wiped his eyes as he crawled into his mom's arms, curling into her shoulder as his warm tears dropped onto her collarbone. The world fell away as she listened to his heavy breathing. Her fingers ran soothing circles down his back, her own pain putting itself on the backburner. Hunter was her main priority right now. It didn't matter what she said, what she did, as long as Hunter was in her arms. He was safe, healthy, and with her. No one out there trying to hurt him or get to him anymore. Because she sacrificed what she needed to.

Maybe more than she intended to.

"Can't you give them a bit?" a hushed voice echoed from outside of her room, "She's been crying for two hours." Steve continued, his voice growing closer as boots tapped on the ground.

"Steve, that is the woman he loves in there," Sam retorted back, "I need to tell her. We also need to talk about her parents' arrest."

"She just helped have her parents and brother arrested, don't you think she deserves a few minutes alone with her son?"

Silence fell. No one breathed, no one spoke. The only noise was the soft cries from the boy Lily held in her arms. Her own heart seemed to cease from beating as the familiar voice of Sam replayed through her head. Something happened. Something terrible happened. Lily didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to know. Whatever Bucky did, she knew it wasn't good. Whether it was sacrificing himself, or forcing Sam to leave. But she figured out pretty quickly he didn't arrive home with Sam. Which only scared her more.

The creak of the door handle set Lily's heart in motion once more. Sam's face poked around, a large bruise on his eye and gash across his cheek.

"Where is he?" She croaked.

-----

Arrested. Her parents were arrested. And she was at her wits end. She couldn't do it. So when Sam told her he didn't know where he was, Lily snapped. She packed everything, put Hunter, Rose, and Joey in the car and was gone. No one tried to stop her. No one tried to get her to stay. They knew there was nothing they could have said. Lily Osborne was sick and tired of being caught up in the Avengers.

She couldn't do it.

No one spoke. Not a word was exchanged as Lily drove back down to the small home she missed. It was enough. But when she turned the corner, a car stuck out to her. One in her driveway she never saw really. She'd seen it, but she and him never used it. They used her car primarily. But her blood boiled as she pulled in and stormed into the house.

There he was, bruised and battered, sitting on her couch.

"Rose," Lily called back, "Take Hunter to Gen's."

Bucky's face fell as he listened to her words. Dread took over his face and Lily slammed the door, her face hard and aggressive. The anger she always hid away fought its way to the surface as he stayed sitting. Neither spoke, neither breathed. The only noise was the air conditioner that warmed the house around them.

"Hi Doll."

"Do not call me that," Lily exclaimed, slamming her keys down and walking across to the living room, "You do not speak right now. You sit, and listen. Because I have had enough, James."

And he did as told. He readjusted in his seat and waited for the hell that Lily was about to unleash.

"You have roped my family into something," she snapped, "I'm tired. I'm so tired. I am so tired Bucky."

"I kno-"

"No! No Bucky you don't know!" She exclaimed, tugging at her hair, "You made a promise to me. You promised me you would keep us out of danger. And here we are, after two weeks of sitting in an Avengers Compound because we were in danger."

"Lily please-"

"No I'm not done talking," she retorted, eyes bearing down into him, "I felt so sick these past weeks. Not knowing where you are, what you're doing. If you're alive! I sat in my bed like the dotting wife who was waiting for you. But for the love of GOD Bucky I can't keep doing that!"

"Lily I'm retiring."

"No don't do that," Lily whispered, tears rolling down her face, "Because you know that's not true. You will say you're done and they will rope you right back in."

"Lily- "

"Get out. Get out Bucky. I'm tired. I'm done."

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valkyriesryde · 4 years ago

Text

Release the Hounds {11/?}

Chapter 11: Wine Plays Tricks on the Tongue

Pairing: Persephone!Steve Rogers x Hades!Reader

Chapter Summary: Steve goes looking for Hades as he thinks about all he’s been told and realises that things still aren’t right...

Word Count: 3,532

A/N: WARNING: There is some talk about Cassandra and trigger warning themes in her myth like rape and death though the former is not explicitly said and just a passing piece of fact Well this is long overdue, I really struggled with this chapter, I spent weeks just looking at the document but I’m really happy with how it turned out, we’re getting near the end and these arcs are finally coming to their point, I’m really happy with Steve’s character and how far along he’s come and I hope you guys can forgive me for the long gap in updates and enjoy it to!

Steve spent days wandering the halls of Hades’ home. He explored her library and read about the history of the mortal world through both fiction and non-fiction works. He spent three days going into the fields with the judges and observing and questioning them as they worked. He helped Harley and Charon move souls through the gates in the morning and in the afternoon he would do as he pleased.

Today it was brisk but warm if that were such a thing. The sun kissed his face as it streamed through the open windows but the air bit at his skin when he stepped out of the light. He wasn’t quite sure what to do today. He wanted to see Hades, but that was a constant thought in his head, wondering what she was doing, why he hadn’t see her much since he’d taken residence in the Underworld.

“She’s just busy, don’t take it personally. There’s a lot she has to do at the moment,” Wanda had said to him when he asked why he’d barely seen her.

“Or do take it personally,” Harley had muttered under his breath with a mouth full of food, the good stuff too, from Olympus that Wanda had made Peter bring just for Steve.

“You’re not a fan of me,” Steve noted snatching the bread before Harley could get to it, if the only food he was allowed to eat was that from Olympus he wasn’t going to give it up without a fight.

“I’m not a fan of your kind, I’m on the fence about you.” Harley snarked back.

Steve did take it personally. This entire time, the entire time he’d been curious and asking and learning about the Underworld he’d always been told Hades took a hands on approach. But now she’s hiding in her office and it’s all because he’s here.

The door creaked open and Steve couldn’t hear a sound or see anything out of the ordinary when he stepped into her office.

“Hello? I knocked but there was no-are you here?” He asked the empty room. No one sat at her desk, there wasn’t a paper askew. Yet Steve could have sworn he watched her walk in here a couple hours ago and he hadn’t seen or heard her leave since. “I know you’re in here.”

He stepped further into the office, it was much tidier than it had been the last time he was here, apart from the desk where piles of paper threatened to fall. Behind her desk were floor to ceiling windows of the gates, to its side were towering bookshelves that held all the greats and some not so much. She had paintings and statues, she had her armour sitting by the door on display. It was so different from the rest of her home, it didn’t feel like a home in here, it was a place of power and work.

Or maybe that’s just what Steve felt. He had the same feeling in his gut as he did all those weeks ago on stage, that same feeling he got when she was near him. Power, calmness, stability. It enveloped him like a hug but it wasn’t as close as it was on stage it was creeping away from him.

“I can feel you,” he whispered to the empty room, trying to find any clue as to where she was. “I don’t know why but I can feel when you’re near me,” it got stronger until it was all around him and he thought he could feel the air shift by his cheek until it was snatched away. “I can’t explain it, I don’t know what’s happening and I feel like people are keeping things from me.”

Steve didn’t know why he was spilling this information to an empty room, though he wasn’t completely convinced it was empty. He needed to get it out. He’d bottled up these feelings for years, the feeling that he never knew the whole story, that people were always telling him half truths or that there was always something more to it.

“It’s like I’m being told bits of the story and just expected to figure out the rest for myself but I can’t!” He was desperate, he just wanted to know why this was all happening. Why was it such a big deal?

He knew about World War II, he knew about Demeter and Hades’ fight, about how they always went head to head but he just couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut that that wasn’t all it was. Gods hold grudges, that much is true, and it’s perfectly reasonable to expect them to continue hating each other over one event for all this time. But they hated each other before that, from what Bucky had told him that was the last straw, there had to be something before that.

“You know what else I can’t get my head around?” His voice was strangled in his throat, his brows furrowed down as he started to pace the silent office. “Why I’m in the middle of it? I know I’m Demeter’s son, I know that I stood up for you. That doesn’t explain her outburst, she could have just refused, she could have locked me in the garden or on earth. She didn’t have to fight because she has the power, she has always had the power over me.” Slowly, the clues started clicking in his head, events started to make sense. “I know you’re the one person she hates most, I know that she fears you to an extent but none of her reactions or actions are what I expected from her. So I can’t help but thinking, I just- what if- what if it’s me? What if this isn’t about her hatred for you, what if this isn’t about Ares or World War II, it’s not about you sitting on the council. It’s about me, it’s about my interest in you, it’s about how I feel about you.”

A book fell from its shelf suddenly, it lay open on the floor and Steve jumped at the sudden crash before bending down and picking up the book. The page it had opened to talked about Oedipus, a man who unknowingly killed his father and married his mother. Steve knew the story, most did, there was an entire psychological theory based on his misfortune. Although the page the book had opened on didn’t focus on his relationship with his mother. Instead, it talked about the continuing efforts in the myth of preventing prophecy. About how Oedipus was destined to kill his father so was given away as a baby. When Oedipus found out he was destined to kill his father he assumed it was the father he had grown up with, the man who had helped raise him because that’s who he believed his father to be. He attempted to avoid this by leaving home and never returning. But in the end, as the book told Steve, prophecies have a way of coming to be no matter how much we try and stop it, and Oedipus killed his birth father and married his mother just like the oracle in Delphi had told him he would.

Steve turned the book over and read the title ‘Lessons Learned in Myth’ then the chapter title ‘Why one shouldn’t work against fate’. He stood there looking at the book, mulling over the words, over what it meant. He thought about what he’d been told, the facts that he knew. None directly related to the fates or any sort of oracle or prophecy that he could think of. Except what Bucky had said about Cassandra going to Hades and then him, but that was so long ago surely it was just Bucky reminiscing.

“…you should know not to take things you’re told at face value” Sam had told him. Was that Bucky trying to tell him something? Was there a prophecy that he didn’t know about?

“That’s why she kept me in the dark about everything,” he whispered to himself, it made sense, why she wouldn’t let him near the council, why Demeter tried to make him hate Hades so much. “Its her and I, there’s a prophecy with Hades and I and Demeter doesn’t want it to happen-“

A crash came from behind him and Steve jumped and dropped the book. He spun on his feet and was met with Hades’ helmet clattering and spinning on the floor, the door wide open. She was here! Though Steve had no time to register that has he ran after her.

“Wait!” He called and caught her in the foyer. He grabbed her wrist and she turned to face him, panic in her eyes but anger behind them. “I’m right aren’t I?! There’s a prophecy with you and I and that’s why everything has blown up because it’s happening! Isn’t it?!” He was angry and he didn’t want to yell at her but by all the gods he was fuming at how he’d been kept in the dark by everyone he loved, he was betrayed.

“She shouldn’t know of its existence, this doesn’t make sense!” Hades pulled her wrist out of his grip and ran her fingers through her hair, she paced in front of him mumbling, “theres now way - only Loki and Bucky and - Thor must have - but he swore -“

“HADES!” He yelled and her mumbling and movement stopped as she looked at him.

That’s when it clicked for her, she’d memorised the prophecy years ago, she’d spent centuries thinking of the possibilities, of what each line and each word could mean. She had a strong feeling Harley was right about the first line.

When the wind is still and the air is cold, the sun will shine in Hades.

It was still spring in the Underworld and with every day it got warmer and the northern hemisphere of the mortal world got colder. It made perfect sense though that the words Cassandra had repeated wouldn’t be in order of events. She broke it down in her head, each line until she found what she was looking for and she whispered it into the air between her and Steve.

“But the daffodil will grow through the cracks of the grave.”

He looked at her like she was the Hydra and had grown two more heads.

“Tell me the truth, the whole truth…Now.” He said through gritted teeth and she nodded her head and pulled him out the door.

“I will, now, on the way.”

“Where are we going?” Her fingers laced with his and he couldn’t help the floating feeling in his stomach when she tightened her grip for a second with no sign of letting go. Was this real? Was what he feeling real? Was it a romantic attraction towards her? Or was it just this prophecy?

“To see a girl.”

Cassandra. A priestess, a daughter to a king, a victim of Troy, and a victim of Apollo. She comes from a famous family, her brother, Hector, was a Trojan hero during the Trojan War. Her father was King Priam of Troy. She herself is also famous in antiquity, believe it or not but it isn’t often that gods fall head over heels for humans (attraction is different from affection). So the girl who Apollo fell for is always a tale to remember. She was, and still is, clever and sarcastic beyond her looks though still beautiful as ever. Bucky tried during the years of the war to catch her eye, he would send her gifts, he would find her watching the carnage and try and talk to her. She never relented, Cassandra had no eyes for the god, at least not in the way he wanted. With one final attempt he offered her his greatest gift, the ability to see the future as it was to be.

Yet she still refused his hand, her loyalty was to her family and Troy, they couldn’t be together since he was a god and she was just human. So Bucky got angry and instead of taking her gift away he let her keep it, but no prophecy she told would be believed. He said she pulled him along, that he tempted her and lied to her, entertained his feelings towards her without ever having the intention of actually being with him. She told him he deserved it, she took a vow of chastity and even as a priestess of Apollo, she would not be his. He told her she deserved what she got and hoped this would be a lesson to never toy with one’s heart again.

It wasn’t Bucky’s proudest moment…

She was seen as mad by her family, every time she warned them of the war, of Paris and what he and Helen would bring to troy she was pushed aside and ignored. Eventually, it did drive her mad, she was angry and violent towards Helen as she knew that she was to blame for the destruction of her home.

When she warned the Trojans about the wooden horse and the fate of herself and others they ignored her. Every single one, Odysseus’ journey home, Aeneas’s escape, Agamemnon’s death, all of them were disregarded. When Hector died she became more frantic and frustrated, she cursed the name Apollo. She became suicidal, attempting to burn the Trojan Horse herself since no one believed her. When Troy fell she sought help from Athena, and hid in Natasha’s temple and Natasha had to witness the brutality and wrath that the Greek hero Ajax thrust upon her, even the goddess who was an ally to the Greeks wept for Cassandra. Until she died violently with Agamemnon.

Upon her judgment at the gates of the Underworld she was deemed worthy of Elysian fields and followed Pietro to her new home as a hero and devote prophet. Her dedication to what is right and to the gods proved her worth. Her curse did not carry over to the Underworld, Hecate made sure that curses made on the living did not affect the dead. However, her gift of fortune wasn’t a curse, and so it slipped through the cracks and she now found that she was able to see the future and those around her that would listen believed her.

It took some time, for a long time she hated her gift, it had brought her nothing but bad luck and she ignored every prophecy, she ignored the visions of Caesar and the Roman Empire, the crusades, she ignored it all. Until she saw Hades.

Cassandra didn’t know the man with her, she didn’t recognise the location they were, she felt the cold of the snow on her fingertips and she saw the droplets of gold on the ground. The words played in her head and she knew she had to tell someone. So she ran to Pietro who ran to Hades who ran to Bucky who claimed she was wrong. Until he remembered the curse and until she showed him the vision. That’s when Thor and Loki were brought in, that’s when Sam and Wanda were told about the prophecy that Cassandra had seen.

Hades told Steve all of this on their way to Cassandra in the Elysian field. She told him that those that knew made a vow not to tell anyone else, that no one needed to know unless absolutely necessary.

“How long has Demeter tried to convince you to hate me?” Her pace slowed as they neared the lush grass and could see Pietro in the distance already with Cassandra.

“For as long as I can remember, it definitely became more apparent after World War II but I figured that was just because of-“

“That’s possible, but I think she knew before that. She was angry at me before I even appeared at the council, before that day. He must have told her before that. Cassandra, meet Steve, god of Spring,” Hades let Steve’s hand fall from her own as she introduced him to the prophet that started this all.

“The daffodil,” she smiled and Steve was confused for a second until he remembered what Hades had said and realised that he was the daffodil, in the prophecy and on the gates, it was a symbol for him.

“Why did you call us here Hades?” Pietro asked as Sam and Wanda joined them. Cassandra sunk into Pietro’s side in the presence of the gods around her, Steve noticed how frightened and small she was even though she tried to appear as anything but.

“Demeter knows about the prophecy.”

“What?!” the judges exclaimed but Hades attention was on Cassandra.

“This is very bad my queen,” she whispered, she was pressed against Pietro’s side now but he wasn’t fazed by how her body tried to slip through his.

“Is there anything else you can tell us Cassandra? Anything at all?” She bit her lip, she hadn’t told her about the snow or the dripping gold, she’d only told Bucky as she feared what it meant. She couldn’t fathom the idea of her queen dying at the hands of another god, or even him, Steve, god of spring who was destined to be with Hades. Cassandra refused to think of the possibilities.

“No, I’ve told you everything I know. If he is here,” she nodded towards Steve, “then the prophecy has already begun, if his mother knows this too… all we can do is let it happen.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Sam said warily and Pietro and Wanda both nodded in agreement.

“We just let it happen?” Steve asked out loud, he remembered the book, the lesson it was open to, ‘Why one shouldn’t work against fate’ but he didn’t care right now. He was sick of his mother getting in the way, he was sick of her controlling him, maybe Harley was right not to like Olympians, they’d been nothing but cruel to Steve too. “I won’t stand by and let her wage war, we have to make a move!”

“No,” Hades held his hand as she spoke softly, “that’s not how we do things here, we don’t fight unless we have to-“

“and we have -“

“No.” Her voice was stronger now as she turned to him and held his eye, “we are not her, we are not Olympians here, I’ll go to Thor, I’ll tell him what we know and he can choose how to punish her. If you want, you can stay here, live here, you can still do your duties from the Underworld. But we don’t fight.”

“You’re wrong,” he told her and the judges and Cassandra who were watching the interaction gasped, no one spoke back to the Queen of the Underworld. “I’m an Olympian…” Steve thought for a second, he looked back at Hades’ home that stood tall above the fields only a two minute walk away and he thought about the pile of food from Olympus that Peter brought for him because he couldn’t eat- “but not for long.”

He stormed towards the house with determination, it took a minute for them to figure out what he meant but when they did they were running after him shouting for him to stop what he was doing.

“What are you thinking?!” Sam yelled.

“Steve no!” Wanda called as he entered the house.

“Steve stop and think about this, you can’t go back on this decision!” Hades told him as he stood under the window in the throne room in front of the bowl of fruit, his hand grasped the pomegranate.

Peter had been bringing food from Olympus for Steve because if anyone who isn’t from the Underworld eats food from this daft place they’re stuck. They become locals with the souls, gods of Olympus become gods of the Underworld and heroes become soldiers of Hades. That’s what all the books said, that’s what Steve knew to be true. He knew his place, he felt strong here when Bucky felt weak, he is not the same. He is not just an Olympian, that may be where he is from but that does not mean it is who he is.

“None of you were worried I’d become weak here,” he pulled open the fruit in his hands and the juices slid down his palm, “because you knew that I was meant to be here.”

“Steve,” Hades took a step towards him, she feared what he was doing, this was rash, especially after the information he’d been told today.

“I’m not an Olympian.” He bit into the fruit, it was sour on his tongue but it was perfectly ripe and almost addictive. One bite though, that’s all he needed. When he swallowed, at first he didn’t feel anything. They watched carefully, Hades ran up to him, her hand gripped his back and she tore the fruit from his hands. Steve coughed once, twice, but that was it. He felt fine, different but only slightly and still very much the same.

But the daffodil will grow through the cracks of the grave.

Chapter Twelve: Let it Come to Fruition

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brown-bi-beautiful · 4 years ago

Text

Give Me Some Sugar

Steve Rogers AU

Series Masterlist

Sugardaddy! Steve Rogers x Sugarbaby! Reader.

Summary: When young Y/n gets fired from one of her jobs she struggles to make enough money for college loans and Bills, that’s when she meets Steve. What Steve is looking for isn’t exactly a relationship, he just wants someone to look pretty in his arms and take care of his needs without asking many questions about his job.

Series Warnings: Salty reader, age gap, Sugardaddy, and Sugarbaby relationship and all the chaos that comes with it, SMUT (Obviously. Don’t try to tell me you didn’t see that coming, Karen.), asshole people (Yup that’s a warning.), language more will be added later to the chapters.

Characters (as per the chapter): Y/n (Duh), Steve Rogers (Duh again),

Words: 6,764. (I’m sorry but this is what this is. Deal with it, Karen.)

Chapter Warning: Language, a little bit of size kink, innocence kink (I have no idea if that’s a thing or not.), again a bad description of law studies, I gave a specific home town to the reader just for of the sake of the story, please don’t get mad at me.

By the way, Y/l/n means your last name or surname, although I know all of you are very smart and experienced so you didn’t need me to tell you that.

CHAPTER THREE

As you stood in that elevator and it went upwards, you were waiting for it to stop on the 33rd floor, your hands clutching on your dress like your life depends on it. You looked at yourself one more time in the glass wall of the elevator and realized you were chewing on your lips so you released it for the sake of your makeup. As the elevator finally came to a stop you quickly took one last look at yourself before walking out of it to the most beautiful scenery you have ever seen with your naked eyes. All the walls were made of glass you could see the whole city from up here. The lights were dim. It was just beautiful but what surprised you the most was there was no other person there besides you and well, Steve.

As soon as Steve saw you he stood up from his place, his eyes soaking you in. They lingered on your face before doing a once-over of your whole body. Damn, he looked good. Wearing a dark blue button-up shirt which was as always a little too tight for him, and his black tie was a little loose around his neck. Cuffs were folded to his elbow making his arms look stronger than ever. You have never even thought that you would ever want to be squeezed by someone, but here you are wanting him to just wrap his big arms around you and pull you into his strong chest. You could literally see his pecs and bulging bicep from the shirt. You noticed that he had shaved his stubble too which made you wanna reach out and caress his face.

“Hello, Mr. Rogers.” You said in a seductive voice as you walked up to him, feeling a little more confident by his reaction.

“Hi, beautiful.” He said before proceeding to pull out your chair for you.

“Thank you, kind sir.” You said and sat down and then he took his seat as well.

“As much as I like hearing those things from your lips, I would settle for just Steve for now.” He said, and there was it again. That authority that turns you on, making you squeeze your thighs together. “You look really beautiful, Y/n.” He said not taking his eyes away from yours.

“Thank you, you don’t look bad yourself......Steve.” His name felt so nice rolling off your tongue, suddenly all he ever wants to hear was you screaming his name as he pounced into you.

“I hope you like french.” He said.

“Oh, I love french.” You replied and a smirk formed on his lips.

He was about to make a remark when one of the servers came in with menus in his hands. “Here are the menus, Sir, ma’am. Just ring that bell when you are ready to order. Is there anything else that I can help you with?” He said placing two food menus in front of the two of you and one drinks menu in the middle.

“No, thank you very much.” You smiled politely at him and he went away. You realized Steve was looking at you with a smile on his face. “What is it?”

“You are really good with people.” He said.

“Well, I have to be good with people for a living. I am a barista and I was a waitress myself before I got fired.” You gave him the information and his smile turned into a little frown.

“You got fired?”

“Yup, on my birthday, the day........we met.” You say and you could see the glint of mischief in his eyes by just a little mention of that day.

“Why?”

“No reason, my manager was a dick and he got jealous because I had two jobs and was earning more than him.” You replied opening your menu. Thankfully you were a waitress before so you had no problem recognizing the french cuisine on the menu.

“Well, he does sound like a dick.” He said making you giggle.

“Steve? Why is there no one here other than us?” You asked looking around the big secluded area. How is this restaurant doing so well if no one comes here? You thought to yourself.

“Because I booked all of it.” He replied casually and you almost choked on your own saliva as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“You booked the whole restaurant?” You tried not to be too loud.

“No, why would I do that? I just booked this floor.” He said going through the wine menu.

“Well, that’s not any better, Steve. You can’t book the whole floor just for a dinner.”

“Actually I can, Doll. And I did.” He said with a proud smirk.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t like too much noise while admiring a gorgeous view.” His answer made you speechless as a heat creeping up to your face. God, he was so straight and smooth with his words. You looked away from him as if you were trying to hide from his gaze, not because it was uncomfortable or something but because it was so overwhelming. You never felt like this before, not even when you were with Brock, and you thought he was your one true love. “Would you like me to order our drinks now, Ms. Y/l/n?” He asked with a smirk, very satisfied by your reaction.

“Yes, please,” you said.

“What kind of wine would you like?” He asked looking at the menu.

“Depends. What kind’s better?” She asked making him raise an eyebrow.

“You’ve never had wine before?”

“I just turned 21, Steve. There are a lot of things that I’ve never had.” You said and Steve couldn’t help but wonder what are the things you’ve never have, you were much more innocent than you let on, were you a virgin? Steve wouldn’t lie, his cock twitched at the thought of you being a virgin. Although it wouldn’t matter if you weren’t one, for him you were still the most innocent person in the world.

“Okay, then let’s start with the most basic ones.” He said putting aside the wine menu and pressing the bell. It was as if the server was standing just behind you because he was there less than 5 seconds.

“Are you ready to order your drinks, sir, ma’am?”

“Yes. May I get the finest of your red and white wine?” Chris said.

“Yes, Sir. Anything else?” He asked and Steve shook his head. “Ma’am?”

“No, thank you.” with that he went away

“So, tell me, y/n, where are you from?” He asked and he genuinely sounded interested in it. To be honest no one ever sounded that interested in your life, ever. At least not on the first date, most of them expected to get in your pants. Or at least for you to suck them off in the front seat of their car while they drive you home. Even Brock. God every time you think about him you can’t help but wonder what the hell did you ever see in him in the first place.

“It's a small town in Idaho I’m pretty sure you’ve never heard of.”

“Try me.”

“Ketchum. But we moved to Queens when I was in middle school.” You replied.

“Ah, you don’t say.” He said in a surprised voice.

“You don’t have to pretend you know where that is, I won’t be offended.” You said with a smirk.

“I’m not pretending, I do know where that is.” He said as the waiter approached you but neither of you took your eyes off of each other. He placed two glasses in front of you and poured both red and wine in them before doing the same with Steve. He put the bottles between you two and went away.

“Really?” You asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Ya, it's near sun valley right?” He asked and you were surprised at his knowledge, and now suddenly you were more attracted to him.

“Yes actually, it is.”

“See I told you you would be surprised.” He said with a cocky smirk. “Now let’s drink to that. What you wanna try first?” He asked and you held up the white wine. He followed your lead and waited for you to finish your drink to see your reaction with an amused smile on his face. You tilted your head and gulped back the whole glass. You literally had to physically hold yourself so you wouldn’t throw up. A hand on your lips and a look of disgust on your face which he swore was the cutest thing he saw in his life. “I’m guessing by your facial expression, you do not like it.”

“I hate it. It’s so bad, why would people want to drink it by choice?” You asked making him chuckle.

“I don’t know, doll, why don’t you try the red one.” He said pointing at the other glass.

“Okay,” you said taking the other glass and gulping it back as well, it was bad too at first, but then the aftertaste surprised you, it was actually really good. “It's bad too, but in an ‘its bad but I still can’t stop drinking it’ kinda way.” You said and he poured you another glass.

“Are you ready to order now?” He asked taking a sip from his own glass

“Yes......sorry.” You whispered when you realized you said it louder than you expected.

“It's okay, doll.” He said pressing the bell again and just like last time the waiter appeared in less than 5 seconds.

“May I take your order now, sir, ma’am.”

“Yes, the lady will have a...”

“Bœuf bourguignon.” You said reading out of the menu.

“And I’ll have the coq au vin and lamb chops with a cognac dijon creme sauce.”

“Anything else, sir, ma’am?”

“No.” with that the waiter went away.

“You sound really sexy when you speak french.” You said as you bit your lips. The wine was kicking in already, making you feel more confident than you did at the starting of the night.

“Really? It was merely a word, doll.” There was that nickname again, that made your heart flutter the whole night.

“And it was a sexy word when it came from you.”

“Thanks, Doll.”

As the end of your date neared and you two were finishing your dinner, you have talked about everything you could on your first date. He told you that he was from Brooklyn, although you have guessed already by his accent. He was a self-made businessman and billionaire, his mom died a few years ago. There was a glint of sadness in his eyes when he was talking about her, and at that moment you so badly wanted to hug him and comfort him. But when you asked him what it was that he actually does he fell silent and instantly converted the conversation to you. It lingered to you at first but then you drank two more glasses of wine and everything was normal again.

He knew that you scored 170 on your LSAT, It was your third year of majoring in criminal justice, and you were preparing for MPRE with it. He knew that you lived with your sister and her husband, you left the details about his sleaziness. He knew you had 1 niece and 2 nephews and you loved those brats a lot.

By the time you were talking about your two best friends, you were a lot tipsier than you wanted to be. You were giggling like crazy.

“You up for dessert, doll?” He asked when you finally finished your meal.

‘yes, and I want you in the dessert.’ you thought but kept it to yourself.

“No, Stevie, I’m full.” You said and he raised an eyebrow. You barely ate anything, how could you be full. He ordered more than you and he still wasn’t full.

“You’re full? You barely ate anything.” He asked and within the next second, you were standing in front of him.

“Trust me I’m full.” You said pulling his hand and putting it on your stomach. If you were not a little drunk right now you would be so embarrassed by yourself. What the hell were you doing? “But I am hungry for something else.” You whispered in a low seductive tone.

At that moment it took everything in Steve to not pull you down and give you the best kiss of your life. But he had no right to take your advantage like that, no one had the right to take your advantage like that. You were not in the right state of mind right now, and it would be wrong to kiss you.

“Okay, Y/n. Let's take you home.”

As the two of you came down in the elevator as you leaned against him you didn’t take your eyes off of his face for even a second. His arm was around your waist the whole time in a protective manner so that you wouldn’t trip on your own steps. He practically carried you out of the building, it was so easy for him. You were so small and fragile that he was scared he would break you in half if he grabs you too tight.

“To Ms. Y/l/n’s place, Pete,” Steve said to his driver as he opened the door of the backseat and helped you inside. When Steve slipped in the car after you, you slide closer to him. You bit your lips before pulling your hair back in a ponytail ready to give him his reward, you definitely weren’t in the right state of your mind. Steve raised an eyebrow at your action. As your hands neared the buckle of his belt he grabbed your wrist and asked.

“What are you doing, Doll?”

“Well, isn’t it what you want?” you asked with a confused expression.

“No, Doll. I mean I do, I really do. But not now, not when you can’t think straight. I can not take advantage of you. And besides, you don’t have to do it because I want it, you can do it when you want it.” He said realizing your hair from the ponytail. He tucked your hair behind your ear as the strands came down and covered your face. He liked looking at your face, ever since he started this business he couldn’t find the innocence around his life anymore. That’s what attracted him to you in the first place, even in that club dancing like that there was something pure and innocent in your face. You gave him an assurance that there was still some innocence remaining in this cruel world. You were so soft, figuratively and literally, that he was scared that he would corrupt you.

“Huh, no one has said that to me before.” You said putting your head on his shoulder.

The rest of the ride was silent, but not awkward. He let you rest till you get to the house that reminded you that you had so confidently told Lisa that you would move out tomorrow but where the hell would you go. Wanda and Sharon’s place was barely big enough for them she wouldn’t be able to fit herself in the tiny apartment. “What happened, Doll?” Steve asked as he saw the look on your face.

“Nothing.” You said with a smile, you didn’t want to tell him your sob story, You wanted to complete the night in a good mood. “Thank you so much for tonight, Steve.”

“Thank you for coming on this date with me, Doll.” He said and you sat up straight looking him in the eyes while biting your lips. It had become a habit of you by now. You were so lost in your ocean blue eyes that you didn’t even realize that the car has come to a stop now, Pete had stepped out of the car to give you and Steve some privacy. “Y/n?” He said.

“Huh?”

“We have arrived.” He said even though he wanted nothing more than to just sit there all night and stare at your face he knew he had to let you go.

His words pulled you out of your trans and you looked around to see your sister’s house. The lights were still on. Which made you frown because they usually go to bed by now.

Steve then opened the door for you and help you out and then led you to the front door.

“It's okay, I can go from here.” You said as you reached the front porch.

“I’m not leaving until you’re safe inside, Y/n.” He firmly stated with that authoritative voice that he uses whenever he wants something and you couldn’t help but nod.

As you reached the front door you turned to face him. You took a step back as you almost collided with his chest. “Goodnight, Steve.” You said, your eyes were almost begging him to kiss you, at least one peck on the lips. Okay just on the cheek, Steve, please. You were silently pleading to him but he just settled for a hug instead. Guess that would do for tonight.

His big strong arms wrapped around your small waist and pulled you close to his chest. He slightly pulled you up from the ground in the process. God, he smelled so good. And you felt so small in his arms, You were not really what people call petite, the curves of your chest and ass were bigger than Wanda and Sharon’s or most women who were considered petite, so it was so good to feel so small and petite in his arms.

“Goodnight, Doll.” He said before pulling away from you and settling you on the ground. You pilled out your key from your purse and opened the door. You sneaked a last glance at him before slipping inside. That stupid grin on your face was back again.

But that stupid grin was soon gone from your face and turned into a scowl when you saw that Lisa was sitting in the living room, sipping tea.

“I wanted to talk to you.” She said as you made your way toward your room.

“What is it?” You asked without looking at her way.

“You can stay here.” That sentence made you turn around so fast that you almost lost your balance. Thanks to the TV stand you didn’t actually fall down. “I’m not saying you can stay here forever without rent. I’m just giving you a week time to find an actual place to live before moving out.” She said

“And you’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart?” You made a sarcastic remark. You couldn’t help but think it had something to do with the Mercedes showing up to pick you up for your date. You didn’t say it though, you didn’t want to sound like an ungrateful bitch.

“Oh please. I just don’t want you to run to dad and bitch to him about how I’m treating you. He already hates me enough.” Lisa said, putting aside her cup and crossing her arms across her chest.

“Dad doesn’t hate you, Lisa. He just hates Martin. And you know it yourself he isn’t really likable. Anyway, Thank you, I appreciate it, really. I promise I’ll be out of your hair as soon as possible. You looked at the clock which read 12:30, still have some time. If you go to sleep right now you’ll be able to make it to the cafe by 6. So you quickly changed your clothes and went to bed.

The next morning you were awoken by your stupid alarm which blared beside you. You groaned before rolling over and shutting it off. As you opened your eyes they went straight to your clock which read 5:10, you’ll have to get up soon or you’ll be late again. Last night was still fresh in your head, a smile made its way on your lips as you thought about Steve. He was so sweet and gentle and at the same time so dominating and supreme. Your hand went straight to your phone in hopes to see a text from him. Disappointment filled you there was none from him, would he talk to you after what you did last night? Before your mind could do any self humiliating presumptions you reminded yourself that it was just 5:10 in the morning, maybe he wasn’t even up yet.

You wanted to feel embarrassed for last night but you couldn’t. He did say he wanted it, right? He just wanted you to want it too before you do it, he wanted you to be sober so he wouldn’t feel like he was taking advantage of you. You couldn’t remember the last time a guy treated you so nicely. Most people you dated didn’t care if you were drunk or not.

You quickly plucked up your courage and got out of the comforter. The cold air of the morning instantly hit you like a ton of bricks made of ice. You took a quick hot shower and changed into blue high waist jeans and a red white and black crop shirt, putting a little more effort into your look. When you rushed out of the front door Lisa, Martin, and the kids were still asleep which was good because you weren’t ready to face the kids after your argument with their mother last night. What did they think about you now? Were you a bad person for them?

“Good morning, Y/n,” Rick said with an enthusiastic smile as you tie your apron around your waist. “You’re right on time today.” He added as he put your name up on the chart.

“Good morning, Rick. Someone’s in a good mood.” You smiled.

“Guess, who’s gonna turn 18 in a week, sweetheart?”

“Not you, because you just turned 17 four months ago.”

“Yes, me. This Bad Boy. I’m gonna change my date of birth on my driving License, so, baby, you don’t have to hide your love for me anymore.” He said spreading his hand out in a romantic gesture making you laugh.

“I’m afraid that’s not how it works, Rick. If your date of birth on your driving license does not match the date of birth on your birth certificate, it is considered to be a fake license.”

“Then I’ll just change the date on the birth certificate.”

“You can’t do that without the court’s permission.”

“What? We have to wait for 8 more months to profess our love for each other. Dammit.” He exclaimed making you laugh again, you ruffled his hair and walked up to your counter. “It's okay, I can wait for you for 80 years, 8 months is nothing.”

You were just halfway through your job when he walked into the coffee house. A smile instantly spread wide on your face. He looked impatient due to the line of four people in front of him. He practically ran up to you when it was his turn which made you giggle a little.

“What can I get you today, Sir?” You asked in a low seductive voice.

“A double espresso and a chat with the beautiful barista.” He said with a smirk.

“I can help you with the espresso but who is this barista you’re talking about?” You asked playing along with Steve.

“This really gorgeous girl that works here. But I can’t see her around right now” He answered while pretending to look around the cafe and making you blush.

“Maybe she’s not working today, Why don’t you tell me and I’ll pass along the message.” You said while proceeding to make his coffee. Your hands worked quickly and he was looking at you with admiration.

“I just really wanted to know if she would like to go on a second date?” He asked with hopeful eyes and you bit your lips as you looked up at him through your lashes.

“I think.......she would love to go on a second date with you.” You said releasing your lower lip with a little pop. “Yeah?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then tell her that Pete would pick her up from her place at 7.” He said.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where are you gonna take her?” You asked and he gestured for you to come closer as if he was about to tell you a big secret and you leaned in.

“It's a secret...Oh, there she is.” He said as he stood back straight and you quickly looked back to see where he was pointing. A giggle escaped your lips as you saw Ruth coming up toward her counter. “Isn’t she pretty?”

“She’s gorgeous.” You replied turning back to look at him.

“Told you.”

“Hmm. That would be 2.75, Mr. Rogers.” You said handing him his cup of coffee and just like last time he handed you a 100 dollar bill.

“Keep the change.” He said and your whole demeanor changed from playful to serious.

“Steve.” You said in a scolding voice.

“Doll.” He mocked you and before you could say anything he rushed out of the cafe. What was it with him and giving big tips to you? Was it because you told him you were fired? Were you a charity case to him? You had to talk to him about it.

*******

You didn’t see Wanda or Sharon that day at all. They both had classes when you had a little time between your college and study group and after that Wand had a study group until later evening and Sharon was working late. You had to say you were missing both of them a little. You left both of them messages as you got to your sister's place. You smiled and said hi to the kids before rushing into your room. You looked at your clock and it was a little after 6 so you didn’t waste any more time before starting to get ready, Thank god you shaved yesterday, your skin was still smooth today.

You pulled on the skinniest jeans you had which hugged your ass and thighs very well. It made your butt look a little more plumper. You pulled on a white off-shoulder crop top with a sweetheart neckline which complemented the curve of your breast and made your cleavage look deeper. It was sexy yet classy. You completed the look with your black block heels. You let yourself up in a messy bun, a few curly strands escaping and framing your face.

Your heart was jumping in excitement. Pete was right outside Lisa’s house on 7 being the punctual guy that he was. You skipped excitedly out of the house and smiled brightly at him as he opened the back door.

“Good evening, Pete.” You bowed a little making him smile.

“Good evening, Ma’am.” He replied as he helped you inside the car.

“Thank you.” You said as he rushed to his side and got inside before pulling out of the street. “So tell me, Pete, Where are we going today?” You asked.

“To Mr. Rogers place, Ma’am. Please don’t tell him I told you that.” He said meeting your eyes through the rearview.

“Your secret’s safe with me, I wasn’t even listening.” You said making him laugh a little.

You felt like you were in that car for hours, while it was only just 40 minutes. “How longer, Pete? Where does he live.”

“15 more minutes, ma’am. Mr. Rogers lives out of the city.” He replied making you sigh, why does he have to live so far away.

The rest of the 15 minutes again felt like hours. By the time the car finally came to a stop, you couldn’t wait to get out of it. Pete rushed to your side and opened the door and helping you out of the car. As you looked up at the house, sorry, the mansion You physically had to hold Pete so that you wouldn’t fall over.

“He lives here?” you didn’t mean to say it out loud but you did anyway. You swear to god your whole hometown could fit in there. How can someone possibly spend time here alone? It was so massive, doesn’t he get lost?

“Yes, Ma’am. This is where Mr. Rogers lives.” The mansion was mostly made of glass and it was covered by so many trees. The fences were so up to around the mansion that you couldn’t see if there were other houses outside, although you were quite sure there were not.

Pete lead you up to the front door and disappeared before you could ask him to stop because you were definitely gonna get lost here alone. You slowly stepped inside and started looking around for any sign of Steve. Then you heard it, the sound of classic music coming from your left. You took a few steps and realized it was coming from the kitchen. You took a few more steps before taking a turn, You could see Steve’s back, his muscles moving under the tight gray Henley as he moved across the kitchen island.

Every time you see this man he surprises you one way or another. Honestly, you shouldn’t be surprised that he could cook, he’s too perfect to not be able to do something. “Hey, You’re here.” He said as he saw you.

“Hey, you’re cooking.” You said, walking up to him with a big smile on your face. You looked at the neat counter as he kept chopping vegetables.

“Yeah, honestly I’m tired of eating outside.

“What are we having today?” You asked.

“How do you feel about...Indian?” He asked picking up a piece of carrot and held it in front of your lips and you quickly took it out of his fingers with your lips.

“Surprised. You can cook Indian?” You asked as you looked at the curry getting ready on the stove. And it already smelled delicious.

“I try.”

“I’ll give you a 15 on 10 on the fragrance. So that’s a very successful trial.” You said. “What are we having anyway?”

“We are having, Lemon chicken, Biriyani, Prawn curry, and some roasted veggies on the side.” He said introducing you to all the dishes.

“Okay, my mouths watering. What can I help you with, Mr. Rogers?”

“I’m almost done, Doll. Why don’t you just go, sit and make yourself at home.” He said but you weren’t ready to leave his side yet. He looked so good while cooking that you couldn’t help but wonder, is there any time when this man didn’t look ridiculously handsome? The answer was no. His beautiful baby blue eyes were focused on the food in front of him. You just wanted to reach out and kiss his pink plump lips, but you settled with just admiring for now.

“Can I just stand here?” You asked in a small voice almost as if he would scold you.

“Of course, Doll. If you want to.” He leaned down to kiss your head and a swarm of butterflies was released in your stomach. Yup, you could definitely get used to it.

When the dinner was ready you helped Steve to set up the table.

“Don’t be shy to tell me if it's bad okay, Y/n. I only cooked Indian one time before.” Steve said as he served you the food. It looked and smelled so delicious that you doubt it would be any worse. You waited for him to serve himself.

“Bon appetite.”

“Bon appetite.” You replied before taking a spoonful of rice in your mouth. You couldn’t help the loud moan that left your mouth at the taste. It was delicious just like you assumed. You opened your eyes to see Steve staring at you his food untouched.

“I’m sorry, it's so good. You sure you only made Indian food one time before? Honestly, I’ve never tried Indian food before but I know this is the best I’ll ever have.” You said and dipped your spoon in the curry.

“Thanks, Doll.” He replied with a smile before digging in his own food.

You guys talked a little while eating before you asked him a question before you asked him the question you’ve been thinking about since the second time you met him.

“So, how’d you find out my name? I don’t remember telling you at the club.” You asked and he stopped eating for a second.

“Okay, I’m not gonna lie but don’t be creeped out okay?” He said and you raised an eyebrow.

“Should I be?”

“Depends on you, my secretary was with me that night so he said he knew you from the coffee shop you’ve been working at for two years, so I might have asked your manager about you.” He said trying to inspect your facial expression you started to laugh. “You don’t think it's creepy?”

“Honestly, if it was anyone else I would but with you, I don’t know why but it's...cute.”

“Cute?” He asked and you nodded. You could see you’ve hurt his masculinity and ego by calling him cute but he didn’t comment on it......for now.

When the dinner was done you helped him put away the plates.

“God, I’m so full.” You groaned as Steve filled the dishwasher. You loved how he had such a big house but he still did all his work himself. You did not see a single worker in the house.

“Not yet, Doll. I made dessert.” He said as he walked toward the microwave.

“So you bake too? Steve Rogers, are you even real? Is there anything You can’t do?”

“Actually there is. I can’t sing to save my life.” He said making you giggle. “You want some wine with it?” He asked as he took out two slices of pie on two plates. “No. I wanna stay sober tonight.” You replied remembering your last date. You didn’t want him to hold back again just because you drank some wine again. You followed him out in the living room like a puppy. “Take off your shoes, get comfy.” He said and you did as he said.

“Do you not get bored?” You asked as you sat beside him and took one of the plates.

“Why would I get bored, sweetheart?” He asked.

“You live here, alone. It's such a huge place for a single person.” You said looking around the mansion.

“Well, I spent most of my time in my office. And I’m not alone all the time, Bucky and Sam come over sometimes.”

“Bucky and Sam? Your friends?” You asked and he nodded before he casually leaned over, sliding his thumb over your upper lip. You realized you had whipped cream there. He then licked the whipped cream off his thumb. You couldn’t help but imagine what his tongue would feel like on a certain part of your body. You squeezed your thighs at the thought. He made you feel like a horny teenager whenever he’s around.

“You okay, Doll?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah. By the way, where’d that come from?”

“Where did what come from?”

“The nickname.”

“Doll?” He asked finishing the last of his pie.

“Yeah, that one.” You asked finishing yours as well.

“I don’t know I just looked at you and it came to me.” He shrugged and you sat up straight, turning completely to him.

“Then I should give you a nickname too right? Look at me let me think what comes to my mind.” You said cupping his face and making him turn to you. He smirked at how serious and focused you look. “Let’s see...umm...Your face’s really hunky but then your blond hair makes you look sweet, but then you-”

Your words were cut off by his lips on yours. To say that you were amazed at first would be an understatement, It took you at least a few seconds for your shock to wear off as you started kissing him back, slowly at first. The fluttering inside you that you felt the whole night only intensified. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your knees got weaker, thank god you were sitting on a couch because you would have only fallen down if you were standing.

Steve’s arm wrapped around your small waist and pulled you closer. The sweet kiss turned more intimate as the seconds pass. You could only focus on how soft his lips felt against yours, how addictively he invaded all your senses. Heat rose from your stomach to your chest. Your heart skipped a beat as he ran his tongue over your lower lip, you didn’t need to think twice before granting him access. His hands curled bruisingly on the skin of your waist as he pulled you on his lap.

You pulled away to catch your breath but only for a second as you kissed him back. Your hands curled around his shirt, you were sure it would leave a crease behind but that was the least of your concern right now. His tongue was stroking yours very softly. He let out a groan as you accidentally bit down on his lower lip. As cliche as it sounds, you were so lost in him and his astonishing lips that you almost forgot about time. You very unwillingly pushed him away with a hand on his chest.

“Steve, I need to leave.” You whispered as you tried to catch your breath. You were still blown away by the kiss, your mind was a little inoperative, and couldn’t think straight. Your body was uncooperative to your words, you were mindlessly leaning even closer to him. Your soft breast was pressed firmly against his strong chest. You were looking at each other's eyes like you could see the whole world in it.

“No, you don’t.” It was the first time you heard him sound so eager. His eyes were practically begging you to stay. He looked so appealing that you almost gave in, but that little sensible part of your brain, god you hate it, told you that no matter how good the sex is, it's not worth losing your job. God, you wanted to stay so badly but you knew you couldn’t.

“I have to, I have to get to the cafe by 6.” you sounded so frail that you couldn’t even convince yourself anymore. You bit your lips to hold yourself back from kicking away all those logical thoughts in the back of your brain and kiss those sinful lips of his.

“I’ll drive you in the morning.” He said and his offer was so tempting but you knew that if you said you both won't be in the condition to drive back into the city the next morning.

“Steve, you and I both know if I stayed we wouldn’t be in any state to leave the bed in the morning.” You said and you saw him physically twitch at the thought of it.

“That is true. Can’t you just call in sick tomorrow?”

“No, I already took one a few days ago, my manager will fire me.”

“That makes me think, do you really need this job?” his question made you laugh. He looks so cute when he’s begging for something.

“Yes, Steve, I really need this job. How about we meet again tomorrow, I don’t have a study group tomorrow.”

“Hmm that’s a really tempting offer, but you know we wouldn’t have to meet again tomorrow if you just don’t leave.” He said with a pout.

“Steve.” You said as sternly as you could.

“Okay, fine. I’ll pick you up from your college tomorrow. If that’s ok with you.” with that his arms around you finally loosen up and you got up from his lap to put on your heels back.

“That sounds perfect.” You replied and looked at your watch. “Shit, it's already 10:45.” You said and rushed out of the house with Steve on your trail. Pete was standing just outside as he saw you coming out he opened the car door.

“Y/n,” Steve called out, and as soon as you turn around his warm mouth was against yours pulling you in for another mind-blowing kiss. Your eyes immediately closed. You were still not used to his kisses.

With one last kiss, he pulled away and said

“Goodnight, Doll. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Steve.”

With that, you sat in the car and Pete drove away from Steve’s house. As a wide smile spread on your lips you realized you were already missing Steve. You also realized that you were too far gone already.

*******

CHAPTER FOUR

A/N: Like if you like the chapter if there’s something you didn’t like feel free to tell me in the comments or in the asks, If you want to be tagged send me an ask.

Taglist:

@godspeedlover

@captainchrisstan

@organisationiskey-posts

@literaturefeen

#sugardaddy steve #sugardaddy! steve rogers #sugardaddy steve x sugarbaby reader #give me some sugar #give me some sugar chapter three #Steve Rogers #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x you #steve x you

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thenovelartist · 4 years ago

Text

In My Arms Again

Oh look, yet ANOTHER fandom I’ve written for.

I have stayed away producing content for either of the Ikemen games I play, but I couldn’t help it when @chocolate-parfait wrote this positively precious childhood friends headcanon for Ikemen Sengoku that I have been dying over for weeks.

So, I have caved and written out Ieyasu’s headcanon with my own little twist since he is my second favorite character in the game.

(Note: normally, I use “MC”, but I used my OC’s name “Kisa” this time.)

...

A four-year-old shouldn’t have to be nursing his wounds alone.

But such was Ieyasu’s reality.

As the son of his clan’s leader, his job was to be sent as a hostage in order to keep in the good graces of the much more powerful Imagawa clan. But they knew they were more powerful, and that made them cruel. Cruel enough to take out their rage on a four-year-old for even the slightest of offences.

Cruel enough to leave him crying alone in his room.

Weak. Nuisance. Rat. He’d only been here a matter of a couple weeks but those were the only words he heard.

“I wanna go home,” he’d whispered under his breath more than once. “I wanna go home.”

“Are you okay?”

Ieyasu jumped at the sudden voice, turning to see a girl sitting there with a worried look on her face. He scrambled away, turning his back to her and hiding in the corner. “Leave me alone!” he cried.

That day, she complied.

But not the next. Or the one after that. Or the one after that.

Eventually, she offered him a bite of the treat the palace chef had given her, and though hesitant, he took it. He thanked her, knowing he got pounded for being an ungrateful brat if he didn’t, and she flashed him a big smile.

It took a full year for him to show her a smile back.

It was small, and he was still scared, but she was nice enough for him to be okay with smiling. And she seemed really happy to see it.

The first few years of his childhood as a hostage wasn’t much more than that: be left to his own devices to wander around the castle, get beaten if he was underfoot or near anyone remotely angry, and seeing Kisa. If he was lucky, she showed him her toys or books. It was her who had taught him how to read. His captors hadn’t taken any care to teach anything yet, though he’d once heard one of the vassals complaining that they would have to teach the little brat swordsmanship soon, in accordance to the agreement set with his parents.

He’d learned later that that vassal had been Kisa’s father.

He didn’t care, per se. It did make him very nervous for something bad to happen to him or Kisa, but he didn’t care that she was the daughter of one of the men who constantly beat him. She was not like the others. She was the only person he could trust.

Then came the inevitable: the day Kisa’s father discovered their secret meetings.

Ieyasu had to pretend the broken ribs didn’t hurt with every breath he took as he hid away in his room, the threat running over and over through his head. “Stay away from her, you rat.”

He didn’t want to, but he didn’t have a choice. For Kisa’s sake, he needed to keep his distance.

But she just kept coming back. Ieyasu tried his best to lie to her face, yelling about how much he hated her and wanted her to leave him alone. As much as it killed him, he had to drive her away. He didn’t want her to go; he wanted her to stay. He wanted one of those hugs she liked giving him. He wanted to hug her back. But he knew he couldn’t have those ever again.

However, the day came when she snuck into his room with a bruise around her eye. And Ieyasu snapped. His anger got the better of him as he demanded to know who had hurt her, and when she admitted it had been her father, he swore that one day, he would make her father pay for what he did to her.

Despite all the yelling, despite him having grabbed her hard and pinned her against the wall in his fury, she just smiled. “I knew you still cared about me.”

Something in Ieyasu changed that day. That was the day he gave up trying to chase her away. It was also the day he began having a hard time looking at her without his chest getting tight.

It was a feeling that never went away; that tightness in his chest persisted around her. He found himself thinking more and more often of just how cute she was. And he began loathing when she wasn’t around. She was the only bright spot in his life. No matter how badly beaten he was that day, no matter if his swordsmanship “training” was manageable or just miserable, one glimpse at her could make the pain of his bruises on his body and soul fade away for a moment.

However, he sometimes wondered if that pain was transferred to her. Because oh how she fussed over his bruises.

“They don’t hurt.”

“How can they not hurt?! Look at them!”

“It’s fine.”

“You’re bleeding all over your floor. You are not fine!”

“You don’t need to fuss over me, you know.”

“Well, someone has to. And apparently, that someone is me, so you can deal with it.”

Ieyasu swore they had that conversation often, but shockingly, no matter how many times they got into that argument, he never got tired of it. Because someone cared. Someone cared about him enough to get mad when he was hurt.

He could tolerate those fights for that reason.

It was thanks to her that he began learning medicine. She had seen him injured so many times that she’d taken up reading any book she could on how to help treat him. And then he’d always read them next so he could learn how to treat himself before she got all riled up over it.

And that was life up until he was seventeen and he was finally released to go back home.

No one cared to send him off, and he didn’t care if they did. The Imagawa clan in general had taught him one thing: he was still hopelessly weak. He’d been trampled over and over and over again, leaving him feeling nothing but bitterness and hatred towards them, and self-loathing for his own ineptitude. He had to get stronger. He had to. He wouldn’t let them trample anyone else like they’d trampled him. And he swore he’d never let himself get trampled by anyone again.

“Were you really going to leave without saying good bye?”

Ieyasu turned towards Kisa’s voice, unsure if he was happy or disappointed to see her standing there. She was the only one person he’d originally been okay with seeing him off. The one person he’d originally wanted to see him off. Despite being the daughter of one of the strongest and most important vassals of the Imagawa clan, he would never do her the disservice of associating her with the clan he hated. To him, her family name held no meaning. She’d been the only one to care for him in the thirteen hellish years he’d survived here, and she would be the only thing he missed.

But that’s why he wanted to leave without her noticing. He knew that if he saw her now, she’d crack his resolve. He’d made up his mind that he’d become a man without weakness. But she reminded him that even if he shed all others, there would always be one weakness his heart could never let go.

“I thought I said good bye last night,” he said, recalling their evening. She’d snuck out to see him, as she always did. She had cried both saying she was happy for him but that she’d miss him dearly.

And he never could stand the sight of her tears.

So, just as he’d learned over the years, all he did then was open his arms, inviting her to sit in his lap so he could hold and soothe her. And she had come, like a trained dog. He’d had to wipe her tears away and rub her back to get her to settle, things that settled him, too. Having had her there, snuggled against him… his heart had swelled with emotion he never dared put a name to. He loved being sweet with her. Loved it to a fault. If he had his way, that would never change.

But life was cruel and never worked out the way he wanted it to. The fact she had been in his life for as long as she had, an angel in the middle of hell, was blessing enough.

“I still want to see you off,” Kisa said. “And give you a couple things before you left.”

He quirked a brow as she extended a folded cloth to him. “I stole these from the kitchen. Sweet buns.” She then extended a jar to him. “And this is healing salve for your bruises.”

Surprised, he took the offered gifts, unsure just how to respond to them.

“And lastly.” She pulled a large package she had been holding under her arm to give to him. “This is for you.”

He took a moment to pack the first two gifts in his saddle bags before taking the last, large package from her. “What is it?”

“Open it.”

He unwrapped the fabric to reveal an outfit. A kimono, overcoat, and scarf, all in sunshine yellow. A color as warm as her smile.

“Do you like it?” she asked.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep back a grin from his own face. She was too cute, too precious for her own good. “Yes.”

Instantly, her smile brightened. “I would have given it to you last night, but I had to finish up sewing it this morning. I’m just glad I finished it before you left. I would have been kicking myself forever if you’d left before I had the chance to give it to you.”

He couldn’t have that. Not her. Anyone else, he couldn’t have cared less, but he wanted to protect her from everything, even regret. “Thank you.” Those words left his mouth far too rarely, and she deserved to hear it more. The least he could do was grant them to her now.

Her smile grew impossibly wider. “You’re welcome.”

To show his appreciation, he dared to put on the scarf before packing away the other two items. It clearly pleased her, which always made him happy. He tried to never think too hard as to why that was.

Her smile soon faded, though. “Ieyasu.”

“Hm?”

“Will… will I ever see you again? Or… is this good bye forever?”

Oh, damn it. Don’t make that face. This was another reason he didn’t want her to see him off. Because he knew she’d get all misty-eyed and he’d be screwed.

He approached her, taking out a handkerchief to give to her. “Don’t cry,” he muttered.

She took it and dabbed her eyes. “I’m trying not to. I told myself last night to expect to never see you again. You’d never want to come back here, so why would I see you if I knew you’d stay as far away from here as you could? I told myself that, but I just… couldn’t help but ask in case… in case there was any hope that I’d see you again.”

Tears were running down her cheeks freely by now. And that little bit of water was enough to shatter his resolve to abandon her completely. He’d resolved to let her go. To leave this place and leave memories of her behind. But he couldn’t now.

He took her in his arms and slowly stroked her back, and she shoved her face into his chest, causing his heart to pound rapidly. “I… don’t know,” he said.

She sniffled. “Is that really the best answer you can give me? Because it’s okay if it is, but…”

He sighed, giving her a squeeze. She clung to him, sniffing hard, clearly in an attempt stop her tears that were already soaking through his kimono.

It’d be irresponsible of him to promise he’d return for her. To say he’d come take her away from this place. Because if he did come back, it would be with the intent to destroy this clan. She had to know that. She had to. And what would she think of him then? If he cut down her family, her father, and then approached her demanding to run away with him.

No, he… he was deluding himself if he thought she’d still take him so easily then.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future,” he said. “So, I won’t bother making any promises I can’t keep.”

“Fair enough,” she relented, though that didn’t mean she let him go for a while.

And when she did, she wiped her tears one last time before handing him back the handkerchief. “Sorry. It’s a little wet.”

He looked down at it, a little embroidered symbol on the bottom corner. His name. “Keep it,” he said.

“But… I made this for you.”

“You made several of those for me,” he said, stepping away before he got any more ideas to stay and never let her go. “You can keep one in return for the outfit.”

Returning a gift she made you. That’s just insulting. But he couldn’t think of anything he else he could possibly give her in return as a thanks for everything she’d ever done for him.

She gave him a lopsided smile before clinging to the handkerchief. Stop being so cute, dammit! “Okay,” she whispered. “Maybe then you’ll come back for it one day?”

He swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”

She nodded. “Fair enough. Just know I’ll always hold out hope you will.”

“You might be disappointed,” he warned, getting on his horse to further distance himself from her before he gave into the desire to take her in his arms again or, even worse, throw her on the horse and kidnap her.

“I’ll take my chances.”

She was so stubborn, but that was one of the things he liked about her. “Good bye, Kisa.”

She smiled, but it was sad. That wasn’t the last smile he wanted to see from her, but he supposed that couldn’t be helped. “Good bye, Ieyasu. Safe travels.”

And with that, he turned his horse around and rode off, leaving behind the one thing he’d ever deemed important in his life.

…

Though he’d always sworn his revenge, he didn’t know when or even if he’d see it through. But now, far sooner than he’d believed, he marched through the hallways he’d once been imprisoned in. Lord Nobunaga, the leader of an ever-more powerful army that Ieyasu found beneficial to ally himself with, was marching by his side as they inspected the palace they’d only recently laid full siege to. They just had to ensure that the man they’d placed in power here was doing his job correctly.

As Ieyasu marched down the halls, he couldn’t help but recount his past. Of all the times he marched fearfully in these halls. And how now, though he knew he still wasn’t strong enough, he was finally strong enough to hold his head high as he traversed this unfortunately all-too-familiar territory.

His heart was hard as he strode along the hallways with Nobunaga. However, as he glanced out over the center gardens, he had to do a double take.

Because there, observing the flowers with a sad expression, was a face he never would have been able to forget.

“Ieyasu.”

Realizing he’d stopped walking and now had Nobunaga glancing impatiently back at him, Ieyasu hurried to catch up to his lord. “Sorry,” was all he said.

Nobunaga rose a brow, then looked out over the gardens, eyes landing on Kisa. He smirked. “Far be it from you to get caught up with a beautiful woman.”

Ieyasu grunted dismissively, hoping the heat of his face didn’t translate to a blush that could be seen.

Nobunaga quickly dropped the teasing in favor of marching onwards, and Ieyasu followed suit. Though, he’d be lying if he said his eyes weren’t drawn to Kisa for as long as she was in eyesight.

And maybe he just imagined it, but he swore she looked up just as he disappeared around a corner.

…

After the meeting, Ieyasu couldn’t stand it much longer. His heart had been a mess since the moment he’d seen her, and no matter what he told himself, the desperate need to see Kisa again wasn’t going away.

And he didn’t realize just how much that desperation showed on his face until he caught Nobunaga giving him an odd look again.

“Sorry,” Ieyasu quickly said, catching up to his lord who, he realized belatedly, was several paces ahead.

“You’re distracted. Why?”

“Nothing of importance.”

Nobunaga quirked a brow at Ieyasu, proving he didn’t believe it for a moment.

And Ieyasu knew it would be better just to come clean. “That girl… I knew her growing up.”

“And?” Nobunaga pressed. “That’s reason to be surprised to see her?”

“She was kind,” Ieyasu answered, wanting to give as little as possible. “That’s all.”

Slowly, Nobunaga grinned in amusement. “I will depart shortly, with or without you. Do whatever you need to do.”

To say Ieyasu was shocked was an understatement, but he also knew this chance his lord gave him was not one to be taken for granted. “Thank you.”

And with that, the two men parted ways.

Knowing she wasn’t in the gardens, he decided to check any place he thought Kisa could realistically be. Starting with her room.

He’d only been there once but knew the way by heart. That was the place he as a child swore would stay clear from to avoid a beating. But now, it was the best place to start.

And luck was on his side.

When he arrived, the first thing he saw was a handkerchief attached with string to the door. Normally, it would mean nothing to Ieyasu, except that his name was embroidered to the bottom corner. If that wasn’t an invitation for him, he didn’t know what else it could have been.

“Kisa?” he called out, and near instantly, the door flew open, revealing the face of the woman his heart never could let go.

In a flash, they found themselves in each other’s arms. Ieyasu clung to her as though she’d disappear any second, and he refused to let that happen.

“I knew it,” she whispered, voice warbly with tears. Her hands clenched his overcoat tighter, the one she’d made him all those years ago. “I knew you’d come back.”

Ieyasu didn’t have any words he could say and simply settled for squeezing her even tighter while a grin slowly grew on his face.

After a long while, they let each other go, but didn’t stray far. Ieyasu was loath to take his hands away from her completely. Though he did reach up to swipe her tears from her cheeks. “I’m glad to see you again,” he eventually said.

Her smile brightened, rivaling the sun. “I am, too. What are you doing here?”

“I made an alliance with the man who now owns this domain. We were here to observe how it was functioning.”

She simply nodded, her grin turning strained.

His smile faded. An apology sat on his lips, but he just couldn’t get the words to roll of his tongue. He wasn’t sorry for destroying the clan that had treated him so badly. He wasn’t sorry for taking over their domain. But, he was sorry that he had inadvertently hurt Kisa in the process.

In the end, he couldn’t get an apology off. Other words came tumbling out instead. “Has it been difficult for you here? Since…”

Her smile disappeared completely, and though Ieyasu felt that pain in his heart, there wasn’t anything he could do but let it sting him. “Yes and no,” she said. “No, your takeover hasn’t disrupted the lives of the townfolk or anyone here any more than to be expected.”

“I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t sure who was more surprised by those words: her or him.

However, she was the first to react, giving him an understanding grin, one soft yet pained. “You don’t need to apologize,” she assured. “I understand why you did what you did. And it would be unfair of me to get angry at you for it.”

Those words meant to soothe only pained him more. How could she be so understanding? To the point she didn’t hate him. To the point she could look at him with a smile still.

His cheeks felt warm, and he couldn’t resist the urge to pull her close and hug her again.

He didn’t deserve to so much as be on speaking terms with this woman. Yet he also had a burning desire to never let her go again.

“Have you been all right?” he eventually asked. “Since the siege?”

She sighed, and when she shook her head into his chest, his gut twisted uncomfortably. “My father arranged a marriage for me.”

Ieyasu’s jaw fell to the ground as he felt an ugly tightness searing in his chest. “What?”

She nodded, unable to meet his gaze. “He didn’t want me to be a maiden as we were taken over by a new power because he refused to have me be available to… well, be available for your lord to take, so he arranged a marriage for me. The man is on a trip for business now, though he said he would have been back by now and that as soon as he returns, we’ll be wed.”

Ugly, bitter feelings burned in Ieyasu’s gut. Like hell he was going to just let some man take her away when it was already clear as day that she was unhappy with the thought of marrying this man. So, even though he knew he was being impulsive and irrational, he really didn’t give a damn. “Get your things.”

Confusion flashed across her face. “What?”

“Don’t you want to come with me?” Ieyasu said. “Or do I have to kidnap you?”

Surprise quickly replaced the confusion. “You… you want to take me away?”

“You don’t want that?”

“No, I do.”

“Then go get your things. I’m leaving now, and you’re coming with me.”

Honestly, Ieyasu couldn’t stop those word from pouring out of his mouth, surprising even him. But he also can’t say he regretted them. He couldn’t leave her. He just couldn’t. Not again. She was too cute and precious and sweet and good for him to just walk away and leave her.

With a little coaxing, Kisa did eventually go into her room and pull out a bag to start packing her things in. Halfway through, she slowed. “Ieyasu.”

“Hmm?”

“I… I don’t mind, but are you taking me as a hostage? Or…”

“No.”

“Then…” She turned around to face him. “Just to escape this arranged marriage?”

She looked him in the eyes, and Ieyasu’s heart softened to the point he couldn’t deny the reason to either himself or to her. “I’ll marry you,” he said. “When we get back to Azuchi.”

Those words hung in the air, but as the began sinking in, Ieyasu began to truly imagine a future with her. One where they could spend time with each other freely without sneaking around. Yes, they wouldn’t spend every day together, but those days would be the exceptions when he had work as opposed to the permanent reality. The thought of being married to her, sharing a room and futon, building a family, spending the rest of his life with her at his side…

Yes. He could say he wanted all of that and found himself more than willing to fight for it.

Especially when she gave him a smile like that, her big, doe eyes a little misty but still gleaming brightly. “Really? You mean that?”

His heart was breaking slowly, and he was sure he wasn’t going to recover from this. “I do,” he said. “I know I’m not the strongest man you could find, and I’m busy often working for my lord. And I travel frequently between my domain and Azuchi, so I’d have to drag you with me. But I can provide well for you and keep you safe to the best of my ability.”

She giggled, and his gut tightened. He hadn’t realized how desperately he needed to hear that sound from her until now. “You certainly have a way with words. That was a very persuasive proposal,” she sarcastically said, smile still on her face.

He felt his cheeks heat up, quickly turning away with a grunt.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her walking over to him. That’s when he felt her hands on his cheeks, causing them to heat up even more as she turned his face back towards her. “Ieyasu,” she said, voice sweet and soft. “I never saw you as anything but very strong.”

His heart was racing by now, and words failed him completely. He couldn’t move his head, but he also couldn’t meet her eyes, glancing away.

“And if you really do mean it,” she said. “There’s nothing more I’d love than to become your wife.”

It wasn’t fair. Here he was proposing, yet he was also the one flustered beyond belief. She was there, being her sweet, precious, adorable self, willingly admitting she would love to become his wife, and yet, he found it nearly impossible to do anything more than stand there like an idiot.

Eventually, he pulled himself together enough to wrap her up in his embrace, cuddling her close to his chest while his heart pounded and his head spun. “I love you.”

His face was undoubtedly red now, and so he held her tighter so that she wouldn’t see how embarrassed he was to admit that. Yet, at those words, she clung to him tighter. “I love you, too, Ieyasu.”

And those words, in the end, were the words that made him absolutely adamant that he would never let her go again.

#fanfiction #ikemen sengoku #Ikemen ieyasu #ikesen ieyasu #fluff

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years ago

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For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash

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Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 2: The Boy with the Keychain

Lei’s POV

2009 was a good year for me. That was the year “Sorry, Sorry,” was released, sky-rocketing Super Junior to almost unprecedented success. That was the year I met Sehun, who (along with the members of Super Junior, Taeyeon, and Amber) is among the people I have known the longest. That was the year I celebrated my golden birthday— turning ten years old on April 10.

I don’t want you to think that Sehun was ever all I lived for, but you have to understand that his was my favorite face from those days. Back then, I hadn’t yet heard the whispers about the idol who never debuted. Maybe Mom and Super Junior were shielding my ears, or maybe the rumors just hadn’t resonated with me because I was too young to empathize. Back then, because I was not an idol or even a trainee, I had no image to protect.

Of course, I didn’t understand the value of freedom until it was limited once (often judgmental) eyes fixed on me, almost anticipating a mistake. As a child, my feelings were as simple as this: I liked Sehun, and I wanted to see him. Because I was not yet in the habit of denying my urges, I gawked after him. I would have followed him to the ends of the earth.

The really pitiful part is that I didn’t ever expect him to speak to me, look at me or acknowledge me in any way, so I never asserted my presence. Always carrying a book— either educational or fictional— I would only try to sit near him or steal occasional glances. I never spoke first or even listened closely when he spoke to Suho, Chanyeol, or any of the other trainees who were later grouped in EXO. Just seeing him or hearing his voice made me happy; I was content just to be near Sehun.

Years later, for some time, I would curse this period that I was too ashamed to remember. Once I had grown into a teenager who despised (feared) dating and boys and the fake flashes of romance that so many idols wasted their lives chasing, I hated that I had ever been a lovesick child— especially toward Sehun, who had always been too old and too aware of an idol’s limitations.

Now that enough time has passed, now that some wounds have healed, I believe that willingness to be even the most insignificant character in somebody’s life is the purest form of love. I want to fondly remember when I had been so willing, so innocent, but it’s difficult because I’m not the same person I was back then.

Isn’t it sad that everything changes? Even I, who I swore could never change, have grown past those days. I don’t especially want to go back— that kind of regret is useless because it makes people wish for the impossible ability to turn back time— but I would like to remember without bias. I would like to remember without knowing the end. I would like to tell you my memories as simply as they seemed at the time, but nothing is simple in hindsight.

Please understand that these are memories that, until quite recently, I tried to silence in my mind and heart. Please understand that I am trying to untangle them and restore them because the storm has passed, and I am ready to cherish them again. Please don’t laugh at me for never quite growing out of some childish habits. Please forgive me for failing to stay the child in this story forever; I didn’t mean to grow up.

Let me try to remember things one moment at a time. Maybe that will help.

I’ll start on my tenth birthday because that was supposed to be a golden day, and maybe it was. It started where every other day started: at the S.M. building. In the corner of the dance studio, I sat with Mom. Although I was supposed to be studying note cards of Korean vocabulary words while Mom finalized Super Junior’s schedule for the month, I kept stealing glances at Sehun as he, with Chanyeol, tried to learn a dance from Donghae and Eunhyuk.

When Donghae caught me watching, he kindly asked, “Do you want to join us, Lei?” As always, he was trying to include me in his world.

However, in that moment, I decided that I would have to learn to admire Sehun more discreetly; I hated the blush that scalded my face when everybody in the room turned to look at me. It didn’t matter that the room wasn’t full; four people staring at me was enough.

Of course, I wouldn’t learn instantly how to discreetly admire Sehun. I wonder how much embarrassment I could have saved myself had such a miracle been possible, but that kind of imagination is pointless.

Shaking my head at Donghae’s question, I found my red-faced reflection in the mirror lining the walls. Ten seems too young to feel insecure, I think, but I remember that when finding myself in the glass, I thought of all the beautiful people I watched walk through the agency. I looked nothing like those people.

Maybe because I was already confident in my intellect and my sense of morality, or maybe because I was only ten, my only dream at the time was to be beautiful too. As was my habit, I forced a smile just to see the small metal brackets glued onto my teeth to remind myself that I was making progress. The braces helped, I guess. They straightened my teeth and closed the gap I never liked until years later when I looked back on old photographs. My smile would always be too big for my face, though; I would never grow into it.

“Come on, Lei,” Eunhyuk insisted. He either never picked up my embarrassment or he never cared. I don’t mean that in a negative way; I always admired that Eunhyuk wasn’t limited by nerves, and I wanted to be like that too. “If you’re gonna be a superstar someday, you have to learn how to dance!”

Because he wasn’t dumb enough to overtly ridicule me in front of Mom, Donghae, and Eunhyuk, Chanyeol didn’t say anything. He couldn’t quite stifle his laugh, though. He was always laughing at me, and never in a way that made me want to laugh along— in a way that drained the color from my already pale face and intensified each beat of my heart until it was hard to breathe.

I have always been sensitive. Back then, I didn’t know how to hide my emotions, and I didn’t understand that Chanyeol was entitled to some degree of respect as my elder, so I gripped my notecards until they bent and grumbled, “Stop laughing at me.”

Chanyeol didn’t hear me over Sehun. Despite understanding that Chanyeol was his elder, Sehun furrowed his brow. “What’s so funny, Chanyeol?” It was one of those questions that really means ‘shut up,’ so Sehun didn’t even give Chanyeol a chance to respond before saying, “I don’t mind if Lei practices with us.”

Sehun's rush to my defense, as he often did, should have made me feel better, but his brief glance at me only deepened my blush. Wanting nothing less than to embarrass myself in front of Sehun— forgetting for a moment that I was already a decent dancer owing to Eunhyuk’s occasional instruction— I pleadingly looked to Mom to bail me out of an impromptu dance lesson.

Only having to scan my expression to feel my desperation, Mom said, “Lei is studying right now,” and they returned to their practice without another word as if theywere never distracted.

If I was ten, that means that Mom was almost thirty-one; our birthdays were exactly twenty years and ten months apart. I always thought that she was the prettiest person in the world, especially then, when her long black hair was tied up in a ponytail. Sweeping her bangs out of her eyes to study my reaction, she said quietly, “You don’t have to become an idol if you don’t want to.”

I remember gaping at her because that was the first time I realized that fame was an option. That was the moment I understood that Donghae and Eunhyuk, at least, imagined that I might follow in their footsteps. Feeling for the first time that they were invested in my future— feeling for the first time that I could fail to fulfill their hopes, I asked, “Do you want me to become an idol?”

Mom smiled and said something that I couldn’t understand: “You are already my idol.” She dropped her notebook to cup my cheeks, which were forever swollen, giving me the appearance of a child well into adulthood. “You have been my ultimate idol for ten years, Lei.”

“Ten years,” I repeated because it was impossible to fathom, “is my whole entire life!”

“Exactly,” Mom nodded.

In those ten years, all I had done after birth was follow people around. First I followed Mom because she was the first person I ever saw and trusted; and then I met Yesung and followed him because he was the bravest person I had ever known and I thought he could teach me to be strong; and then I met Taeyeon and followed her because she was the prettiest person I had ever seen and I thought she could teach me to be like the sun; and then I met Amber, and we talked so easily because we both knew English, and we were both American, and she looked different from everyone else too, and I followed her because I thought she could teach me to embrace my reflection; and then I met Sehun and followed him because he was the handsomest person in the world and I didn’t care what he taught me as long as I could be near him.

Now, I try not to criticize those days too harshly, because I believe they were the steps I took to find myself. After all, I was only a child trying to navigate the world. For a while, though, I faulted myself for trying to fill the voids in my character with people. For a while, I thought that was the worst thing to do— lean too heavily on others. For a while, I thought I had done the wrong thing by looking for them to teach me what I wanted to learn. I don’t know where I got those ideas; ultimately, I think they did more harm than good.

That was my first moment of deep confusion— the first hint of loneliness— when I was ten years old, and I couldn’t understand why my mother, who spent all her days around real idols, could look at me as if I had accomplished anything that compared to their achievements.

I sat there after Mom released her hold on my cheeks, after the dance practice had dissolved, and the only thought that made sense in my mind was, “If Sehun is going to be an idol, then I want to be one too.” That’s probably the most embarrassing thought I had in my entire life, but at least I had the sense to keep it to myself.

Standing to escort Donghae and Eunhyuk to their next schedule, she asked as if I were an adult who determined my own schedule, “Are you coming, Lei? You can help me with the photo shoot!”

To tell you the truth, I think I might have been better as a manager than I was as an idol. Like Mom, from a young age, my mind could identify most risks from a mile away. A part of me wanted to leap at the chance to help with another photo shoot, but I shook my head because I already made plans. I guess I was like an adult who determined my own schedule.

“I promised Taeyeon that I would meet her down the hall before Girls’ Generation’s dance practice. Apparently,” I smiled, “she wants to give me a birthday present!”

Despite Chanyeol’s efforts to pull him outside, Sehun remained in the doorway. “It’s your birthday?”

Before I could form a blushing response, Donghae dropped an arm over my shoulder and boasted, “Yep!”

Wiping at non-existent tears, Eunhyuk sniffled, “Our little baby princess is already a decade old!”

While Eunhyuk pinched at my cheeks and I rolled my eyes at the attention, Chanyeol huffed insincerely, “Happy birthday, princess. Now Sehun—” he looked at his friend with bulging eyes— “are we going to the arcade or what?”

“I thought we were going to celebrate my birthday,” Sehun responded. And when Chanyeol insisted that they were, Sehun continued, “then stop rushing me.” At that, as if Sehun held the authority in their friendship, Chanyeol fell silent.

Turning to me with the faintest of smiles, Sehun asked, “Since we would’ve been twins if you were born two days later, do you want to celebrate our birthdays together?”

I blinked, and Sehun asked more clearly, “Do you want to go to the arcade with us?”

Under his breath so that maybe only Sehun should have heard, Chanyeol said, “You can’t be twins with a little kid.”

‘I’m not that little!’ I wanted to argue, but maybe I was.

While Sehun was only five years older than me, and Chanyeol was only two years older than him, in the world of children and teenagers, I was as good as centuries younger. Since everyone I knew was older than me, I should have been used to this feeling, but I wasn’t. While I was always the youngest in every room, nobody liked to flaunt their seniority as much as Chanyeol. That’s why we never became friends.

The sense that I didn’t belong in an arcade with a couple of teenagers overwhelmed my childish desire to always be with Sehun. Still, I didn’t quite have the heart to directly answer ‘no,’ so, staring down at my sneakered feet, I replied, “I don’t think my Mom will allow me to go.”

“Come on, Manager,” Donghae gently pleaded as if Mom had actually told me no. “Sehun is a responsible kid, and—”

Glancing back at me, Mom said, “You can go if you want." Without waiting for my answer (not that I would have said anything anyway), she asked Chanyeol and Sehun, “Are you going to the arcade at the mall down the street?”

Spurred by Sehun’s nudging, Chanyeol begrudgingly replied, “Yes, ma’am.” He glared down at his watch. “Sehun and I were going to catch the 3:00 bus, but now I guess we’ll have to wait for the 3:15 or the 3:30.”

I might have been young, but I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that Chanyeol didn’t want me to tag along. Feeling very much like a burden to their plans, I didn’t want to accept the money Mom forced into my hand despite Sehun’s polite promises to pay for everything.

“I have to go.” She pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Ride the bus back here, and I’ll find you by the vending machine as soon as I can, and we’ll have cake when we get home, okay? Have fun!”

When I stood, motionless, even after Mom left with Eunhyuk and Donghae, Sehun beckoned me into the hall. “Don’t look so anxious,” he said. He was always kind of bossy. “I’m not going to let you ride the bus alone, so—”

It was always impossible to tell that Sehun was smiling until he started glaring again and the faint upturn of his lips faded. He cut his eyes at Chanyeol. “Would you stop tapping your foot? I’m trying to talk.” Although Sehun’s temper was a bit short, he wasn’t one to raise his voice. Were it not for the arching of his eyebrows, his annoyance wouldn’t have been obvious.

On Chanyeol’s face, however, anyone could read every emotion that passed through his mind. “You’ve talked long enough, haven’t you?” He crossed his arms, muscles taut through the short-cropped sleeves of his shirt. “You talked us right into a non-paying babysitting job, and now we’re going to miss the bus again, and—”

“Go, then.” Sehun gestured lazily toward the door. “Weren’t you listening? Lei has to meet Taeyeon to get her birthday present, so we’ll meet you at the arcade. You’re getting on my nerves anyway.”

Too stubborn to get along with me long enough to appreciate the chance to meet Girls’ Generation, Chanyeol rolled his eyes and stormed out of the building without saying another word.

. . .

“Why aren’t you smiling?” Sehun asked after we boarded the bus and sat side by side. “Even when you opened Taeyeon’s gift, you didn’t smile.”

Staring down at the gift — a dark blue coin purse that mapped out silver constellations, filled with money from Taeyeon and Mom— I shrugged. “Why should I smile?” I grumbled dramatically, tucking the purse into my small bubble gum pink backpack. “I’m about to see Chanyeol, and he can’t stand me.”

“You should smile because it’s your birthday,” Sehun said.

I fixed my gaze out the window, admired the golden sun rays peeking through the clouds, and watched the blooming trees blurring together until Sehun snapped his fingers by my ears. “Hey. Look at me and listen when I talk to you.”

Once I obeyed, looking at him with eyes filled with childish tears, I hoped that his features would soften. He disappointed me, but no wound inflicted by Sehun was ever permanent. “Who cares if Chanyeol likes you?” His voice was as calm as ever.

“I care.” I sounded (and looked) more childish than ever as I pressed my lips in a pout and crossed my arms.

Sehun’s lips twisted in obvious disapproval. “Why?”

I struggled with an answer before admitting, “Everybody likes me. Everybody except Chanyeol.”

Being much stronger and smarter than me in many ways, Sehun sighed, “Chanyeol doesn’t have any reason to dislike you. You haven’t done anything to him, so whatever his problem is— it’s just that— his problem. You’re getting older, so you have to learn one way or another that some people are gonna dislike you, sometimes for no reason. And you can’t shed tears for everyone. You can save yourself a lot of pain if you just believe me on that.”

Sehun never sugar-coated anything and, weirdly, I think that’s why I liked him. After years of being (lovingly) smothered by Super Junior, it was a relief that he never hugged me until my tears stopped like Donghae would have or screamed and threw something (probably punches) at Chanyeol like Yesung would have. I never dreamed that I would eventually crave that kind of emotional response from Sehun.

Following him off the bus, almost running so that I wouldn’t fall too far behind— always chasing after him— I hummed, “You are very wise.” His laughter filled the spring air, and I had to smile even as I wondered, “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just—” he held the mall door open for me— “nobody has ever called me wise before.”

We walked in silence that he eventually broke. “Would you still think that I’m wise if you knew that everything I just told you was based on something Junmyeon said?”

“Junmyeon?” I repeated the name before his face flooded my mind. “Oh, you mean the prince!” I nodded enthusiastically. “He’s very wise, and I think you get some points for remembering what he said well enough to repeat it.”

Sehun, as usual, didn’t appreciate my compliment. “‘The Prince?’” His eyes cut through me, and I gulped to prepare for a scolding. “I told you not to flirt with boys, didn’t I?”

Although it was a waste of breath, I defended myself. “First of all, I thought he looked like a prince before I ever met you and learned that I’m not allowed to think anything nice about any boy ever.” Sehun snorted, but he didn’t quite grin. “Plus, I’m not dumb enough to call him a prince to his face.”

Let the record read that I have only ever been open in my admiration toward one person, and I eventually learned to regret it.

“I’ll let it slide, “Sehun mercifully decided, “because it’s your birthday.” As we stood at the edge of the food court, he asked, “Are you hungry?”

I shook my head, and Sehun raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Are you lying because you don’t want me to spend my money on you?”

As a matter of fact, I was. I shook my head and bit my tongue to maintain the lie because I thought it was the proper thing to do.

“Lei,” Sehun clicked his tongue, “as your senior, I’m supposed to pay your way, so just—”

Outright, I lied, “I’m not hungry.” My stomach betrayed me by loudly growling.

As my face flushed and I tightened my grip around my backpack’s straps, Sehun eyed me suspiciously. “Fine, but you have to promise to tell me when you get hungry, okay?”

While I was mid-way through a nod Chanyeol cheered through a mouthful of blue cotton candy, “There you are! Hey, princess—” he glanced down at me— “do you like cotton candy?” Before I could respond that (obviously) I did, he chuckled, “Why am I even asking? Every kid loves sugar,” and he forced an unopened container of pink cotton candy into my hand.

That was the one kind thing Chanyeol ever did for me. When I opened my mouth to thank him with my embarrassing gappy smile, he looked over me. My stomach dropped with the realization that he hadn’t warmed up to me. My cheeks burned from some kind of humiliation; they always did around Chanyeol.

“Okay,” he told Sehun as if I were invisible, “I gave the kid her cotton candy like you asked. Can we go play that new street racer game now?”

Oh. Dropping a piece of the cherry-flavored cloud onto my tongue, I realized that Sehun must have texted Chanyeol while I was talking to Taeyeon or while we sat on the bus. The only reason why I didn’t notice was that I was always too busy admiring Sehun’s face.

To Chanyeol’s disappointment, Sehun shrugged. “I think Lei should choose what we do, you know, since it’s her birthday.”

I don’t know what Sehun expected me to say when Chanyeol looked at me like that— like he wanted to snatch my candy away to throw the hard plastic container at my head. Although I cast my eyes nowhere in particular, they fell on the Sanrio store, which was bright, colorful, and inviting from afar.

“I don’t mind what we do.” Smiling politely like Mom taught me, I promised Sehun, “I’ll be quiet and watch you play that racing game with Chanyeol.” The thing is, I would have been happy to do just that— that’s how much I liked Sehun.

The belief that I said the right thing abandoned me when Sehun bent to level his face with mine. He shook his head. “Don’t be a pushover, Lei. Don’t let people like Chanyeol—”

“Hey!” Chanyeol yelled. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Sehun didn’t break his attention from me to answer him. “Don’t let people like Chanyeol tell you what to do.”

“Sehun, don’t brainwash that little kid into being as rude, selfish, and disrespectful as you.”

The days of following Yesung had instilled in me a determination to defend those I loved (and that included Sehun), but I didn’t know how to raise my voice without sounding like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Had I trusted myself to speak, I would have screamed at Chanyeol loudly enough for everyone in the mall to hear. As it was, I could only cut my eyes at him.

Catching my glare at his insults, Chanyeol groaned, “Great! Now you have her scowling at me like some kid from a horror movie!” Matching my temper, Chanyeol scowled and thrust an antagonistic finger at me. “Don’t look at people like that! It’s freaky!”

“Hey.” Sehun grabbed my shoulders. His touch forced me to meet his dark eyes. They weren’t as intimidating as you might imagine, but I almost wanted to look away because of the blushing butterflies that fluttered through my entire body. I could never look away, though— not for long anyway. “What do you want to do?”

I didn’t know. First, Chanyeol made me too angry to think clearly. Then, Sehun stole my breath away, so I couldn’t have spoken even if I had known what to say.

Retracing where my gaze had wandered before— to the Sanrio store— Sehun asked, “Do you want to go there? You like Hello Kitty, right?” When I started to answer, he warned, “Don’t lie to me. She’s all over your backpack, so I know you like her.”t

Reddening because I had been planning to lie in a futile effort to discourage Chanyeol’s pointed stare, I mumbled, “Why do you ask questions that you know the answers to?”

Once Sehun stood upright, he towered over me. “I don’t know.” He started walking toward the Sanrio store, and (of course) I followed without hesitation.

Chanyeol refused to follow, though. Glued to his place by the food court, he bellowed, “Waste your day in a little girl store if you want, but I’m not! I’m going home!” I watched Chanyeol, perhaps outraged by Sehun’s indifference, storm away as he had at the S.M. building.

I asked Sehun, “Do you really think Chanyeol is going home?” Minutes had passed, and I was unable to admire the adorable objects lining the shelves because of the guilty writhing in my gut.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t like Chanyeol— I felt bad for ruining his day. What if he had been looking forward to playing that racing game all week? What if he hated me forever for disrupting his weekend plans? No matter what Sehun said, I wanted to be the kind of person everybody— even Chanyeol— liked. I didn’t want to believe that was such an impossible goal.

Sehun breathed, “I don’t know or care.”

Although I admired everything about Sehun, including his ability to always feel (or at least seem) calm, cool, and collected, I didn’t quite want to seem that indifferent. Couldn’t I be strong— resistant to the wind— and kind— bright like the sun? I didn’t know.

I was too young to understand that Sehun, despite seeming cold, was the kind of person I wanted to be: kind and strong. The difference between us has always been that Sehun never cared who misunderstood him. Sehun never cared who liked him. Over time, with age and experience, I would outgrow my craving for approval and admiration. To a fault, I would learn to detest being the object of infatuation; I would struggle to believe in lovesick stares.

But never— never would I stop longing for someone to understand me entirely, supernaturally, beyond words. I would never stop dreaming when I looked up at the moon that one day, someone would find me and accept me in my entirety at a single glance. That dream would haunt me forever.

A word of advice: learn to appreciate yourself. Learn to approve of yourself. Learn to admire yourself. Learn to understand yourself. There is a certain liberty in knowing that others, while they may build you up, cannot determine your worth; do not give others the power to tear you down.

I hope you find that liberty because, in my experience, no person— no collection of people— can ever be enough to fill the voids in an individual spirit. Not only will you live unsatisfied if you try to prove me wrong by searching for someone to fulfill your empty spaces — you may break somebody with the weight of your expectations.

You probably don’t need me to tell you to be careful with your heart; most people have a natural instinct to protect themselves from pain. I’ll tell you anyway, though. And I’ll tell you to be especially careful if somebody is kind enough to trust you with the pieces of the heart they have carried since birth. Nothing— nothing is indestructible. In fact, I’m developing a theory that everything, even what you swear can never break, is fragile.

I’m not encouraging you to live in fear or anything. I just think you should know that everything can break, everything can end, because maybe that will encourage you to appreciate it while it is whole. Maybe that will encourage you to appreciate the story as it unfolds without the bittersweet blessing or curse of hindsight.

Plucking from the self a My Melody plush keychain that fit into the palm of his hand, Sehun declared, “This is cute. Do you want it? I’ll buy it for you.” In his questioning, he turned to face me, and his eyes widened ever so slightly to adjust to my frown. “What’s with that face? Didn’t I tell you to smile?”

I mumbled an apology, shifting from one foot to another as I dropped my backpack at my feet, unzipped it, and packed away the cotton candy I was too nauseated to eat. “I just feel bad that Chanyeol left.”

“Well, don’t.” When his simple advice or instruction failed to lighten my frown, Sehun drew a deep breath and tried to speak softly. It didn’t quite suit him. “I think he’s in the arcade, having a blast playing whatever he wanted to play.”

Regardless of whether Sehun said what he truly thought or what he imagined I wanted to hear, I believed him wholeheartedly and, smiling a small smile, I fixed my bag onto my back.

“Now, do you want this little bunny or not?” He smiled at me. For once, when faint laugh lines formed around his mouth, there was no mistaking his smile. It didn’t quite suit the image of Sehun that I held in my mind, but it suited the image of him that I held in my heart. “If you don’t want it, I’ll just buy it for myself.”

Giggling at the mental picture of handsome Sehun walking around with a pretty pink key chain, I said “We should both get one! I’ll get My Melody because she’s my favorite, and for you I’ll buy Badtz Maru because—” I held the black plush up to Sehun’s face— “you’re twins!”

Narrowing his eyes and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black hoodie, Sehun transformed into a human identical to the stuffed cartoon penguin. I laughed so hard at their resemblance that I forgot to mask my gap.

“You’ll buy it for me?” Sehun’s eyebrows shot up. I nodded passionately, brushing my bangs into my eyes. “Didn’t you hear me earlier? You need to let your seniors pay your way.”

I didn’t like that advice. Sehun tried to snatch Badtz Maru, but I held him protectively against my chest, arguing. “It’s a birthday present for you, Sehun! You can’t buy your own birthday present!”

Birthday gifts must have been the only exception to Sehun’s rule about always making seniors pay; he didn’t argue about Badtz Maru again.

Although Sehun didn’t seem too happy that a ten year old purchased something from the Sanrio store on his behalf, after he paid for the My Melody plush and a stack of pens, a case to carry them in, and notebooks I promised (lied) that I didn’t want, we sat on a bench outside the shop so he could a.) give me the bag containing my gifts and b.) fasten the Badtz Maru keychain onto the backpack he carried to training everyday.

Staring down into my gift bag, I mumbled, “I don’t think I gave you enough, Sehun." I liked him much more than the worth of a silly keychain.

“Gifts don’t work that way,” Sehun said flatly. “They aren’t a competition.” As if to silence me when I opened my mouth to whine, he smiled again. “Thank you.”

Because my heart jumped into my throat, I couldn’t say ‘You’re welcome,’ even though it was the right thing to say, even though it was all I wanted to say. I only nodded my head and hoped that he understood the gesture through my silence.

Now that I am remembering this, I wonder if he still has that backpack. I wonder if he ever uses it these days. If he does, I wonder how worn it must be today.

I happen to know for a fact that the Badtz Maru keychain is now attached to his key ring all these years later. It’s old and faded and not quite as cute as it once was, but he won’t let me replace it.

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