#but I really love how Shannon handled it

[carica-ficus]

A thing I really, really love about The Roots of Chaos series is how Shannon just completely refuses to incorporate internalized homophobia into it, even though, logically, it would make perfect sense to do so.

Shannon made a world dependent on bloodlines, but instead of making heterosexuality a norm, she gracefully avoided it. In any instance when she introduces an LGBT character, she provides a simple, yet very effective explanation as to why this doesn't propose a problem to their heritage at all.

Sabran marries and gets pregnant, but ultimately ends up with Ead and their relationship works out.

Wulfert's parents are two Lords that had children through former marriages, so they have a secured heir.

And probably the most interesting take is the Priory itself, especially with Tunuva and Esbar who are both in love with each other, but have decided to have children with men in order to serve their community. Their relationship is never hindered by their need to lay with a man. There is neither jealousy nor misunderstanding.

Shannon basically doesn't offer a single opening for the reader to question why homosexuality is so normalized in her world because, in the end, it doesn't really matter. LGBT characters are a crucial part of this story and Shannon eradicates any potential opportunity to undermine their existence.

It's refreshing. It's enjoyable. And, most of all, it's satisfying.

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I've been meaning to make this post and I never make it, but I'm rewatching s1 and the thoughts are in my head so, what better time than now. Like, I made this point before but I never went into detail.

The thing with 911 and love interests and the way none of Buck and Eddie's love interests ever stood a chance, is because in order for you to make a relationship work on a tv show, you need to make sure your audience cares about both parts. Obviously, getting 2 mains together, madney or bathena, works very easily because both characters exist on their own, so you're already invested in all parties involved, it's a lot easier to make the relationship work because you don't need to spend time making people care about anyone individually, you're just making them care about the relationship. But then you have the issue of making people care about a relationship when one of the parties is only there to be a love interest.

So let's take Henren. For all intents and purposes, Karen only exists to be Hen's wife, so if they didn't put in the work Karen would be very whatever, because as viewers, our loyalty in most cases will be biased towards the character we see the most. And considering we are introduced to Henren already established, they are already married with a child, which another thing that makes people be less invested, not seeing how it happened, the odds are stacked against Karen, which is bad if the show ever decides to use the character more heavily. But the show introduces her in a perfect way to avoid that happening. For starters, we meet Eva first. And we meet Eva while Hen is making up problems that aren't really there because of the ghost of Eva. We have Athena state how bad for Hen Eva is, we have the conflict Hen herself is feeling, we have her lying by omission. And yes, the whole thing leads to something a lot of people view as unforgivable, cheating, but during that whole storyline, we are siding against Hen, because she is letting this idea of rescuing Eva is making her step out on her family, so we are taking Karen's pain, we are taking Karen's side, and that makes us care about Karen, and therefore we end up invested on them together. And something else is how this all happens while we are still getting to know Hen, so there aren't any preconceived notions of how a relationship for Hen should go.

And the show knows how to work that concept in, but when we are talking about love interests for both Buck and Eddie, is that every relationship is introduced with something that's gonna make us side with them and ignore the other person. Shannon never stood a chance because she was written to be fridged, but leaving Chris is an unforgivable act, Ali isn't around and she fundamentally can't handle who Buck is, Taylor is introduced as willing to hurt Buck's family, Ana isn't around and Eddie is literally panicking about that relationship and even before that, the Christopher of it all, him getting hurt, not wanting Eddie to date, makes it so we're not the biggest fans, Natalia was only interested in Buck's death and since we were watching the damage his death did to everyone, it makes it hard to root for them, Marisol just didn't exist for the audience at all, and Tommy's past plus the circumstances they get together aka Buck hurting Eddie makes it very 😬.

And all of these happened while Buck and Eddie's partnership is continuously shown as getting stronger, so the relationships are fighting against two main characters who have a strong relationship, so it is really hard to establish something that will replace the idea of Buck and Eddie because they're fighting against 7 seasons of partnership. The thing that makes buddie is time. It's everything that happened to them (I mean, the actual thing that makes them it is Christopher but that's a different post). So for a relationship to actually replace them, you need to separate them and then give the new relationship at least half the time buddie had to establish themselves. Audiences generally don't get invested in relationships they didn't see happening, and usually when it's this far into a show and there is another option of paring 2 main characters, it's really hard to make a character likable enough to replace that. People just generally don't end up caring for a character that only exists to be a love interest.

The show knows that, see the way Karen was introduced, so that makes the way they handle Buck, Eddie, and love interests that more pointed.

[buddiebeginz]

For everyone hoping and or expecting there to be something huge in the mid season finale on Thursday and who will feel let down and upset if there's not I wanted to point out some things.

First of all Tim just came back in s7 and it was a shortened season. I know we all had issues with how that season was handled but I also think Tim had a lot to figure out for having just come back to show. He was bringing 911 to a new network had only 10 eps to tell the entire seasons stories in. It was also a rather important season considering it was where they finally had Buck come out and where the pieces were finally being put into motion for Buddie to happen eventually (like in episode 704).

But I also think a lot of stuff Tim wanted to do in s7 he didn't get to and instead carried it over to s8 where he felt he had more time. The majority of 8a was spent closing out storylines that started in s7. What people have to realize is that a lot of this likely would have been the second half of season 7 had that been a full season. Now going into 8b I expect to see more focus put on Eddie's coming out and more movement towards Buddie happening.

None of this means that the mid season finale will necessarily be a huge ep or have a nde or have Eddie come out or Buddie kiss or anything like that. This ep may be pretty similar to the one we saw last week especially because like some have pointed out Tim and the others may have been expecting 809 to be the mid season finale not 808. And besides that 911's mid season finales have rarely been these huge events. Those were usually saved for other eps.

---------------------------------

S1 -

shortened season - no mid season finale

no real NDE's although you could say the plane disaster was one for Bobby

S2 -

210 - mid season finale - It's revealed that Chim's friend is Doug

*2b*

211/212/213 - Chim begins/ Doug attacks Chim and takes Maddie

217 - Shannon dies car accident

218 - Buck NDE truck bombing

S3 -

302/303 - Buck and Chris NDE tsunami

308 - Hen NDE car accident (a few eps before mid season finale)

Bobby radiation exposure 309 (one ep before mid season finale)

310 - mid season ep - Michael cancer diagnosis

*3b*

314 - dispatch center/Maddie held hostage

315 - Eddie NDE well

317 - Athena NDE r*pist

S4 -

shortened season because of Covid no mid season finale

405 - Buck NDE fire

409 - Albert NDE car accident

413/414 - Eddie NDE shooting

S5 -

506 - Buddie kidnapping

508 - Hospital (where David worked) fire

510 - mid season ep Eddie leaves the 118

*5b*

513 - Eddie breakdown

516 - dispatch fire

517 - Hen/Chim - NDE - jonah

S6 -

Mid season ep - Bobby's sponsor dying

*6b*

610/611 - Buck NDE lightning strike

618 - 118 NDE bridge collapse

S7 -

shortened season - no mid season finale

701-703 - Bathena NDE - cruise ship disaster

708-710 Bathena NDE - Cartel/Fire

S8 -

802/803 - Athena NDE plane emergency

805 - Denny NDE

---------------------------------

Looking at the way 911 has structured it's seasons in the past it's far more likely that if we're going to get a nde for Buddie or one of them we're going to get it later in the season and not at the mid season. We could get a more surprising moment like we've seen in the past like with Eddie leaving the 118 but like I said before I think it's highly probable that 808 wasn't meant to even be the season finale so a more shocking or surprising moments might not even be until 809 when the show comes back.

I just really think we all need to take a look how the show operates and prepare ourselves so we're not too let down. Also as much as I love coming up with theories and love listening to theories everyone else comes up with I feel like it's become a habit lately in our fandom for some people to get everyone excited and expecting certain things from the show. Then when the show doesn't deliver every single episode people are left feeling angry. This isn't just the fault of the people talking about their theories it's a fandom issue in general I think. I wish our fandom would just be more realistic going into each ep and not so quick to turn on the show if expectations aren't met immediately.

I 100% believe Eddie is going to come out and Buddie is happening. I've been watching the show for years and things have never been as close to Buddie canon as they are now but that doesn't mean it will happen instantly. Everything that's being shown and said (in interviews) is telling us that the show is playing the long game. We have to be patient and wait for them to get there, which I know can be really frustrating, trust me I've been waiting for Buddie's love story to be canon for what feels like forever. I think we will see more movement in Eddie and Buddie's story this season but maybe not this episode coming.

----

I also think it's important that we show our love for the show and the people who work on it more. I feel like a lot of the stuff I see out of our fandom lately is pretty negative. I'm not saying it's not warranted or that I don't do my own share too (I was talking just the other day on twitter about my issues with Athena's storylines) but I also can't help to think of how Oliver and Ryan and the others must feel. Imagine working really hard on something and then going online to see how the audience feels about it and the predominate reaction is about how awful the episode was. I definitely believe it's possible to love 911 (and any media really) and still be critical of it at times but I also think sometimes our fandom focuses too much on what we're not getting from the show and less on what we are.

We are incredibly lucky to have two amazing actors who put such love and care into playing Buck and Eddie and who have always been supportive of our ship. We're lucky that pretty much everyone involved with 911 (minus maybe KR) seems to be supportive of Buddie happening because trust me that's not common among a lot of other non canon queer ships. We're lucky that Buck has finally come out and that all signs are pointing towards Eddie coming out too. We're lucky that the show is even still on the air because it was seriously on the brink of being canceled before abc picked it up. If it had been not only would we have no chance of Buddie but Buck would never have come out and both men would have ended their run on the show with those lackluster partners. And speaking of lackluster partners we're lucky that Tim got rid of Tommy. I know he could have done it sooner but he also could have kept him around longer. I think some of you need to realize that making Buddie a reality is still a risk for the show and for abc. Having another main come out is still risky but they seem ready to take the risk.

Sorry this post got so long. I just had a lot of thoughts with the new ep coming and seeing everyone already prepared to be upset about it. Let's just go into this ep with limited expectations and be happy we get to go into a hiatus for the first time in a while without b/t being a thing. Thanks if you taken the time to read all of this. ❤️

[lordkuntfuck]

Au where a drunk newly 19 year old Eddie shacks up with a girl, not long before he gets together with Shannon. 9 months later a baby shows up on his doorstep.

(I'm sorry in advance)

Not knowing what to do but not wanting to just abandon a baby, Eddie and Shannon take him in. Everything continues as is in canon (to an extent) but now with the extra layer of chris not actually being biologically Shannon's (so her story is even more heartbreaking (I love her, this is not Shannon bashing at all))

Eddie joins the 118 and meets the firefam, all is well. He can't help but think that Buck guy looks vaguely familiar but then again blond white jocks are pretty indistinguishable.

One day, a few years later, their all talking about their childhoods while on a q-word shift. Buck says something along the lines of "when I was little girl" without thinking about it.

Everyone's a little surprised but very accepting obviously.

Later after the shift, when they're alone, Buck needs to find out more on how Eddie feels about him being trans so tells him he can ask him anything. Eddie asks about like when and how he knew and stuff like that. It starts getting a bit emotional cuz of the Buckley parents and whatnot.

So to lighten the mood Buck makes a joke about being a really hot woman and he knew the world couldn't handle it so he had to transition for the sake of humanity. Eddie makes a snarky comment about how that's impossible (and quietly thinks that no way Buck could be hotter as a woman than he is as a man).

Buck takes offense (jokingly) and decides he needs to prove himself. He shows a photo to Eddie when he was 18, not long before he was able to start socially and medically transitioning (he couldn't before because of his parents). He's also not usually this nonchalant about himself pre-transition but it's Eddie and he trusts him.

Eddie's about to make another joke but as he takes a closer look at the photo, he almost drops Buck's phone. Because no fucking way.

Buck thinks Eddie's reaction is to how hot he was and makes a comment about how he knew Eddie would be drooling over him (he tries not to hurt himself too much with that thought, it was just meant to be a joke after all)

But then he realises that Eddie isn't laughing anymore and he's like having a full blown panic attack and shit what just happened.

Meanwhile Eddie's mind is slowly imploding because what the hell is he meant to do with the knowledge that not only has he already slept with Buck, did so when Buck was in a body he was massively uncomfortable with (which makes Eddie feel extremely guilty), but that there's an extremely high likelihood that he's the father of Buck's son.

Not that he isn't completely shocked by this cuz like come on despite all the years of trying and failing to not wonder who Chris's bio mom was, this scenerio certainly never crossed his mind. And yet somehow he can't say he's that surprised, the amount of time people have thought Buck was Chris's dad instead of Eddie becuase of how similar they look. It actually makes perfect sense.

And maybe he'd be more freaked out if Buck wasn't as close to Christopher as he is because seriously he's thought of that man as a second father to his son for the last however many years already, it's actually kind of a comfort to found out he literally is.

It's that though that finally calms Eddie down enough to allow him to breathe normally again.

Buck is looking at him with that look (you know the one) and Eddie kinda melts on the spot.

Now he just needs to figure out how to break the news to Buck without freaking him out so much that he'll leave again.

Cuz that's another thing, Buck didn't want that kid, except Eddie knows Buck and he knows how much he craves a family so why the fuck did he abandon Chris on his doorstep all those years ago (seriosuly is there any adult in his son's life that hasnt left him at least once, god that poor kid). Also how does Buck not know, if he knew enough to know which house to drop the kid off at, how doesn't he recognise him, he hasn't changed that much. Or maybe he does know but hasn't said anything because he doesnt want that. There are so many questions and Eddie doenst know what to do, he kinda wants to break down again but he feels too drained to even do that.

They don't end up talking about it that night, they just sit with each other until it gets late enough that Buck realises he should get going so he's not a zombie at work tomorrow. Eddie let's him leave.

Buck doesn't really get what happened that night, everything was going fine until he showed Eddie that old photo of him. He couldnt help but think that sure maybe Eddie was fine with him being trans as like a passive thing that happened to him, but when Buck forced him to see the changes he'd gone through it got too much? Eddie's pretty repressed and grew up catholic of course this was gonna be difficult for him to accept when he was probably told people like Buck where freaks of nature or somehting (obviously not all Catholics believed that but he's spiraling here)

After many many hours of self-hatred, a long long talk with Maddie (which included a lot of cuddling with his favourite niece), and a metophorical slap round the head from Chim, Hen and Bobby. Buck confronts Eddie about it.

Eddie feels like a peice of shit for making Buck think his reaction was due to transphobia, and he felt even worse when Buck tried making excuses for him.

Eddie realises he has to come clean.

Buck freaks out as expected. However it's not for any of the reasons that Eddie thought it would be.

Turns out when Buck realised he was pregnant he returned home. He hadn't been gone for long and he really didn't want to have to go back already but he couldn't do this by himself and he wasn't about to ask the random dude he'd hooked up with at a party to raise a child with him. His parents were shocked and reprimanded his behaviour but helped him through his pregnancy nevertheless. Buck suspects it was because they that this meant he would finally change his mind about being trans, but if course it didn't, leading to so many fights and leaving a very hormonal Buck in tears everytime.

Buck doesn't remeber giving birth, he doesn't even remember the drive to the hospital. All he remembers is waking up, his parents sitting by his side, Maddie nowhere to be seen (she was never told, iconic that they both ended up keeping pretty big secrets from each other involving a child). His dad looked stoic but somber, and his mom had two perfect tear tracks running down her face, her makeup left unaffected.

Immediately Buck knew something was wrong, it didn't take a genius to figure out what that something was. His parents told him the baby hadn't even taken a first breath.

Buck looked up at Eddie after finishing the tale of the worst day of his life. Eddie was red faced and crying, Buck had never told anyone else that story before, not even his therapist, he knew he looked much worse.

Eddie takes Buck's hands in his own, forcing Buck to meet his gaze, and says with as much love as humanely possible "he's alive". Buck let's out another sob, and God he sounds so wrecked. Eddie repeats himself, "he is alive, Chris is alive, our son is alive"

Before Buck can respond the phone rings, it's the hospital, Chris was in some kind of accident and he's being taken into surgery, they don't know if he's gonna make it yet.

Buck is delirious, he almost wants to laugh because he's just found out that his child that's he's thought was dead for the past 13 years is actually not only alive but the son of the literal love of his life (whos very much straight and does not reciprocate by the way), now might actually be dead. The whiplash is enough to kill a man.

Eddie has gone pale, he looks like he's about to throw up, Buck cant help but think ditto (okay he's still a bit delirious)

They race to the hospital, neither of them should be driving but they're not about to waste time waiting for an uber.

When they got to the hospital, one of the parents of another kid in Chris's class is there. She tells them she was driving them back to hers for the kids' sleepover when a drunk driver smashed into the side of the car, the side Chris happened to be on.

Hospitals are shit. Waiting rooms in hospitals are even more shit. Waiting in a waiting room in a hospital while your son is having potentially life saving surgery and no reassurance that he's going to make it is soul destroyingly shit.

Buck's mind is stuck in a loop of "his first breath was stolen from you, now his last breath mightve been too"

After what felt like a lifetime of misery, a doctor finally approaches them.

Eddie is grasping Buck's hand so tightly he thinks he might break it (hey at least he's already in a hospital his brain provides)

The harmonious sighs of relief that punch out of the two men when the doctor tells them the good news could surely be heard the next state away.

For the second time that day Eddie turns to Buck, with tears staining his face and a wobbly smile and says "he's alive"

[tellmegoodbye]

Hello friends! I have been planning on doing one of these in-depth rec lists for a while, and I figured that since this is our first week off from season 5 it would be a good time to finally post this!

This list includes some of my favorite fics that I read over the past several months, so some of these are going to be older, and others will be much more recent. I'm hoping you guys can use this to discover some new fics and writers, especially if you're just getting back to the fandom after the long hiatus we had.

---

Oneshots

In Watercolour - @bonheur-cafe

I'm not someone who ventures outside of Tarlos very often, but this fic was absolutely beautiful and I had to include it in this list. The journey of Marjan slowly realizing her feelings for Nancy was incredibly well written and something I could really relate to when I looked back on my own experiences of liking a girl for the first time.

I recommend this even if you're like me and not someone who typically reads NancyMarjan fic. Overall a very wholesome fic and a wonderful insight into what Marjan having a queer realization at this point in her life might look like.

Made From Stardust - @paperstorm

I absolutely adore 2nd person pov fics and this one was no exception! Andie's writing is always breathtaking and to be able to read all of these pivotal moments in TK and Carlos' relationship from such a unique and creative perspective was really interesting!

I recommend this fic if you like reading canon fics but you're looking for something a little different. This was a really refreshing read and definitely something I'll find myself coming back to.

All Turns To Silver Glass - @thevenstar

Another absolutely gorgeous 2nd person pov fic! The writing in this one is so beautiful and it really stuck with me so much that I found myself coming back to it recently.

I recommend this if you're looking for something unique! I don't think I've read anything quite like this in this fandom and this author really has a way with words so that so much emotion and introspection is packed into this 4k fic.

Recreate The Sun - @reyesstrand

This is a very beautiful AND hot first meeting fic! It really captured the way Carlos immediately fell for TK, as well as the excitement of kissing and touching him for the first time, and overall it was incredibly immersive.

Recommend if you love spicy first-time Tarlos fics!

Monday - @butchreyes

This fic was very emotionally heavy and action packed! It's a beautiful insight into Carlos' character that balances both the past and the present to tell the story, and it honestly felt like I was watching an episode of Lone Star if Lone Star decided to dedicate a whole episode to Carlos.

I really recommend this if you enjoy reading fics where the stakes are as high as ever for Tarlos, and if you love Carlos as a character and want to read more fics centered around him.

Your Back Beneath The Sun, Wishing I Could Write My Name On It - @emsprovisions

Tarlos on vacation my beloveds! This fic was such a fun read and there were so many beautiful moments that made me stop and close my eyes because I could really picture myself in that moment with the characters. Emily does such a good job at appreciating the smallest moments and highlighting their beauty, and her writing is incredibly immersive!

I recommend reading this if you enjoy TK and Carlos going on adventures as husbands and are a Tarlos gets a dog truther. Lizzie was the true star of this show!

Let Him Speak! - @goodways

This fic really showcases the thing I love the most about Shannon's writing. It's fun, and at times, incredibly hilarious! I also loved how this fic handled Carlos and TK bringing up the topic of kids again.

I recommend this if you want some Lou II shenanigans from the queen of hijinks and shenanigans herself! As well as some beautifully emotional moments that will make you smile like an idiot.

This Belongs To You - @chicgeekgirl89

This post-breakup fic had me in my feels! It shows how Tarlos are dealing with the newness of being back together, struggling with being apart for the first time since then, and recovering from TK almost dying.

Read this is you're craving some beautiful emotional hurt/comfort. Carlos is so sweet here, and this fic has some wonderful 126 family vibes too!

Chaptered Fics (ongoing)

Not Strong Enough - @honeybee-taskforce

This AU is in its early stages but I am in love with this universe and the individual superpowers TK and Carlos were given, and I can definitely say that I was hooked from the very first chapter!

I recommend this fic if you're looking for a type of AU that hasn't been explored much in this fandom yet and want to see creative worldbuilding, as well as new and interesting versions of TK and Carlos' characters. I'm excited to see how they continue to navigate this world!

Something To Give Each Other - @alrightbuckaroo

This wip contains some of my favorite smut scenes I have ever read. I love how the love and trust between TK and Carlos is written here and I love how so many different types of intimacy are being explored.

I reccomend this if you love smut obviously, but even more importantly I recommend it even if it's not something you'd typically seek out. It's very hot and unapologetic, but it's also beautiful and tender and really highlights how much TK and Carlos truly love each other. There's also no overarching story here so all of these chapters can be read as oneshots if you're someone who doesn't read wips.

Live To Tell - @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

If you know me, then you know I'm a sucker for angst, but another thing I absolutely love is horror! Jamie has really mastered that aspect of this fic and when I'm reading this I really feel like I'm in TK's shoes and feeling his fear right alongside him. There's still so much mystery to unveil about who this antagonist is and I can't wait to see how this story unfolds!

If you're not too squeamish about whump or horror then I definitely reccoment giving this fic a read! I love when authors aren't afraid to drag out the scairest and most painful moments, because to me that makes the reading experience so much more immersive and satisfying.

When Fate Cries - @theghostofashton

We all had a great time watching the Olympics this summer, right? If you're in the same boat as me and experiencing withdrawals from that excitement then you should absolutely check out this AU!

I love how this fic navigates the world of gymnastics shows how a traumatic injury can affect an athlete's mental health, as well as the overall pressure TK and Carlos feel performing at such a high level with such a large audience. It is really interesting to see how all of this affects them as individuals, as well as how their relationship has developed overtime.

Even In The Dark - @ironheartwriter

This is definitely one of my favorite AUs I've read for Tarlos so far! Lana has really put so much creativity into this fic and the worldbuilding is incredible! I also love how TK and Carlos are such different characters as opposed to canon and I really love how much their individual powers suit them.

I recommend this fic if you like reading fantasy, mystery, and an unfolding adventure that slowly makes you fall in love with both characters even if they are at odds with each other.

Chaptered Fics (completed)

So Much For Summer Love - @strandnreyes

I cannot reccomend this fic enough! Jen has written so many incredible AUs but this was one of my favorites. It just gave me so much nostalgia and was generaly such a feel good fic about TK and Carlos finding each other and falling in love.

I recommend this fic if you love the beach, Tarlos being idiots and love, and found family vibes!

Call Me (By My Name) - @welcometololaland & @rmd-writes

This fic was so much fun to read! Not only did it have a lot of amazing smut, but we also get to see a different take on how TK and Carlos meet in canon through both of their perspectives! The alternating pov was utilized really well here, and I remember feeling so much excitement and anticipation while waiting for each update!

I recommend this fic if you want to watch our favorite idiots unknowingly having phone sex with each other and slowly fall in love. There were so many hilarious moments where they were completely oblivious, and there were so many beautiful and emotional moments in this fic as well.

Love Can Pull You Out Of Yesterday - @alrightbuckaroo

This fic is so creative in the way that it incorporates the twist of a time loop into the already emotion-pakced storyline that is the breakup/ice storm arc. I think it adds a really unique element that also elevates the tragedy surrounding everything that happens. It's also very thoughtful in the way it tells this story from Carlos' pov, and the way it all unfolds is ultimately very satisfying!

I recommend this fic if you're a fan of the time loop genre, or if you want some delicious push angst!

Dance Me To The End Of Love - @bonheur-cafe

This fic is so beautiful! It will take you on an overwhelmingly emotional journey through different stages of TK and Carlos' relationship, all through the lens of dancing! This theme is perfectly incorporated and I love how it holds so much importance in this relationship.

I highly recommend this fic for something that is both conceptually simplistic, yet rich in gorgeously written scenes that had me crying and smiling like and idiot.

Series

Let Me - @heartstringsduet

This is the ultimate dom/sub fic! Michelle really does a wonderful job of exploring this dynamic and how exactly TK and Carlos would navigate all of these new feelings. This series also does a great job at showing the development of trust in their relationship and highlighting just how mental health and sex intertwine.

I recommend this if you want to see a really insightful look into TK and Carlos as individuals and as a couple, absolutely gorgeously written sex, and some wonderful and realistic development when it comes to communication.

Tu Corazón Es Mío - @lemonlyman-dotcom

This series is such a cool idea and I've been loving it so far! I think it's awesome how each installment is based on a different song, and the way this series takes you through different phases of TK and Carlos' relationship makes for a fun mix of emotions!

I recommend this if you enjoy songfic mixed in with some beautiful in-between canon moments!

Wherever You Stray, I Follow - @strandnreyes

Did somebody say vampires?? I have to say that this type of AU never used to be something I would seek out, but I absolutely love the way this story unfolds and you can immediately tell just how much care and effort Jen put into building this world for TK and Carlos. There were moments where I cried, moments where I couldn't breathe, and moments where I felt every other emotion you could possibly imagine. Every fic in this series is a gem, and I am loving the latest installment so far!

I recommend this if you love vampire AUs, obviously, but also if you love stories that have higher stakes, and stories that leave you guessing and get you on the edge of your seat. If you have an appreciation for gorgeous scene settings and a story that becomes more expansive and intricately detailed as it goes, then you're going to love this fic.

Missing Moments - @paperstorm

The ultimate filler fic series! Andie does such a good job at breaking down even some of the smallest Tarlos moments from the show and really slowing everything down to give us some beautiful insight into the things we didn't get to see.

This series is completed up to season 3, and I highly recommend reading it if you haven't already!

Season Five Codas

There are many writers who have gifted us with some beautiful season five fics. Here are a few of my favorites + some series that you can check out!

@morganaspendragonss [x] @heartstringsduet [x]

@theghostofashton [x] @bonheur-cafe [x]

---

He's The Air I Would Kill To Breathe - @morganaspendragonss

If I had to pick one fic from the above-mentioned series to recommend, it would be this one! The angst was particularly powerful, and it's very memorable for me because I had to take a minute to stop crying before I could finish reading. This episode definitely tugged on our heartstrings, and then this coda amplified all of those emotions in such a beautiful way.

Deeper Than Breath, Closer Than Air - @carlos-in-glasses

This coda takes you through a whirlwind of emotions. There are a lot of conflicting things at play here, and this fic beautifully tied it all together and touched on everything TK and Carlos are dealing with. They laughed. They cried. They had sex. They did it all and this fic will make you feel ALL of it.

Brighter In The Morning - @strandnreyes & @paperstorm

Even though this is technically a chaptered fic, it is a collection of season five codas so I wanted to include it here. I absolutely adore this concept, and the fact that it's cowritten just makes it even cooler! These season five codas are hot, angsty, emotional, and beautiful extensions of each episode.

Breaking Like A Wave - @reyesstrand

This coda was absolutely beautiful in the way it broke down all of the emotions surrounding episode five. I loved the way the sex is written to be both tender and desperate, and overall it really shows just how much love there is when TK and Carlos come back together after all of that tension.

[spectres-fulcrum]

Do you know what sucks? Is that the summer hiatus was so GOOD. While yes, I was most excited for Buck and Tommy, I couldn't wait to see how they handled Eddie being alone for the first time in his life and seeing to his own emotional needs and him fixing things with Chris, handled Gerrard being back at the 118 and Bobby being out a job, Bathena being out a house, wait to see Madney and Mara, wait to see Henren get Mara back.

EVERYONE had a plotline to wait on. There was so much to speculate on and talk about.

And now we've had. Nothing in terms of Eddie fixing himself. Any progress between him and Chris was offscreen. Some moutasche storyline that didn't address anything, not really. Not the Shannon of it all, not the way he can handle sex with women but not settling down with them(Eddie is an aromantic heterosexual in canon your honor). Karen and Hen got Mara back in like an episode thanks to Gerrard. Like seriously what the hell was that episode. Gerrard wasn't the bigot Season 7 showed he still was, but much more of a crotchety old "get off my lawn!" man. They teased Hen and Chim having a disagreement over Mara, then tried to gaslight us over it???? Bobby and Athena agreed to build a house but then no mention of it again??

Buck and Tommy broke up, after an extremely romantic episode, which Tim even admitted was romantic for the sake of making the breakup hurt more, so cruelty for the sake of cruelty????? Along with the gaslighting of Hen and Chim shit?????

Like everything they built up at the end of Season 7 just was half-assed in Season 8????

And it just sucks. Plus we had the stupid Henren Halloween drama and them almost killing Denny(LAFD posts the entire year schedule SO FAR in advance. Karen knew Hen was working Halloween by January at the latest) and them wasting time on Brad Brad Brad.

I'm barely thinking of the show proper this hiatus. Bucktommy, duh. Fanfic, yeah. Canon? Nope.

It sucks because I loved binging the show. I loved Season 7, loved being torn on the Eddie plotline. Season 8 is just a mess and I hope they fix it.

[lezarus]

my read on shannon is this: i think to say that she was like actually a perfect mother and good wife in an impossible situation is obviously incorrect like thats how eddie sees her but if u buy into that ur kind of just getting tricked by how eddie talks about abt her bc hes pasted over the real shannon who made a lot of mistakes. i dont think its fair to act like shes a monster who didnt love her son bc thats obviously not true and like again you are being tricked by the way that the diaz parents talk about her. but like if christopher never forgave her for what she did that would be fair. and i get why ppl think what she did and the way she spoke abt christopher is unforgivable.

i think shes a very interesting character shes actually the most interesting minor character in the show to me by a wide margin bc shes such a presence even tho she is only really in a handful of episodes and its obviously like difficult to actually get a handle on who she was as like a real person bc no one is left on screen who actually has an unbiased perspective on her.

i think if christopher hadnt been born she and eddie would have broken up. i think if she was still alive they would be divorced and speak rarely outside of arrangements for christopher. i think they went through something really scary together (having a child as teenagers that neither of them were ready for and kind of having their hands forced into marrying each other) and hurt each other and their son a lot. i think that eddie so dedicated to maintaining her image for christopher and protecting the version of her he met at 14 years old he doesnt allow either of them to have complicated feelings about her. which ultimately hurts them both. and shannon actually bc i dont think she would want to be remembered the way eddie remembers her. i think shes a much more complex person in reality than how any of the characters describe her and thats genuinely fascinating. her life was sad and difficult and she made some huge mistakes and i think to flatten her as one thing or another is a mistake that every character on the show makes in one way or another. and i think thats the point

[wexhappyxfew]

Shannon I took you so seriously when you said readers could request as many as we wanted, so please ignore me if this is too much lol

⋆ “try and get some sleep. i’ll stay right here- i won’t let anything happen to you, i swear.”

For Judie and Rosie?? I just feel like it’s perfect for them. 🩷

This is my last one I promise

-☀️

SUNSHINE ANON!!!! you sent this in ages ago i fear, but i am so beyond excited to *finally* get to it! for any readers....remember that angsty judy x rosie piece i mentioned a week or two back? HERE WE ARE!!!!! the focuses on rosie here and judy's 'home' are probably some of my favorites aspects here - it speaks to their characters here in a *character-study-esc* way that i felt was really pleasing to read. please enjoy! thank you again sunshine anon (and i fully appreciate and love the prompt requests you sent in and could not help myself haha!!!!!) thank you again!

the world went quiet

(a/n): judy x rosie girlies HIIIIII. get ready for the angst train because we enter with judy experiencing the emotions after hearing that annie, bessie, kennedy and margie went down. for judy, i imagine it's like hearing about your sisters - especially after captain faulkner - and with emotions a young 21-year-old feels she can't handle. and rosie really helps her to feel okay with those. and that's why i just love the way they match each other here - like they fill in each other's missing parts :) [brb sobbing] please enjoy! <3

Numb.

The first feeling Judy was able to decipher out of the thousands of emotions tormenting her body right now.

Gone. That four letter word that found it's way to haunt her and torture her and tear her apart without fail; all the time. She thought after losing Birdie it'd be different.

Now, it was hard to breathe, to walk all the sudden.

The news was fresh, like a wound that wouldn't heal, like a door that wouldn't budge. And now, Lieutenant Bradshaw, Carlisle, Farley and Harlowe were all gone.

Gone.

She squeezed her eyes shut. It was a dream, she tried to tell herself, it's a dream! And without fail, it never was. Because over here, where they were now, in time, in war, it never was a dream. Nothing ever was.

After Lieutenant Montez had come in to deliver the news, the barracks were far too suffocating for Judy to cope. There were quiet tears and sobbing, people trying to put on the brave face so others didn't have to worry or suffer their emotions like some had to. And it was almost too much - knowing just that morning, Annie, Bessie, Kenny and Margie had all woken up there in that hut and thought that they'd be coming back.

So, she did what she did best when she had to deal with her emotions.

She hid.

The cockpit of Rosie's Riveters was the most apt place to curl into a ball and get her emotions under control. The window of the copilot seat provided the dreary picturesque view of the setting sun, the moody oranges and blues dancing across the horizon. Her head was pounding from crying, from the tears, from the ache of her entire body. Her stiff A2 was wrapped around her body, knees pulled up to her chest, dried tears left in residue on her cheeks and her eyes heavy.

It was embarrassing, she had thought to herself as she had stormed away from the huts and from the women, to be a blubbering mess.

But how many more times would this have to happen? People leaving, going, gone. Over and over, never to return.

How many more times would her fragile heart have to feel like this? It was embarrassing because she saw how the others would handle things - she never saw them cry, she never saw them break - and yet, she couldn't handle it. The loss, the pure feeling of it all. The grief. She couldn't take it.

And the only thing she could do was find solace in one of those B-17s, the only reason they were even able to do these runs in the first place.

From somewhere inside the stoic plane, she heard the metal creaking of someone jumping up inside. Someone had seen her retreat, had seen her make the run for it. Someone had seen her and God, what would the sight be when they came upon her. Judy tried not to be like this, she tried to hold her own. Doing so much and she broke.

Hastily, she reached up to brush at her red, tear-dried cheeks, smoothing a hand back over her head to wrangle the wind-swept hair on her head, but before she could even begin to think that she could possibly redo her braids, she heard footsteps sound against the metal of the plane and at the entrance of the cockpit.

Deep-down, she figured Lieutenant Montez had seen her run and had come looking for her - probably to try and get her to eat something or get some rest; lie down and close your eyes for a bit, honey, she'd probably say. Like a mother, like a sister.

"I'm sorry, Monty, I'm not hungry." Judy managed out shakily. She heard a small breath escape from the person.

"It's Lieutenant Rosenthal, Judy." the voice said. Judy's eyes widened as she shifted, glancing over her shoulder, only to find him standing there on the one-step entrance into the cockpit, arm leaned up against the pilot's seat, a blanket in his hands, and the quiet look on his face that told her everything she had needed to know.

The instance Judy found herself looking at him, her eyes began to well with tears. And then her face crumbled and her body didn't seem to care who was around, as the tears began to streak down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry." she managed out quickly, shaking her head and looking back up at him, "I just….couldn't stay in the hut. After….the news…." Her voice came out croaky, like a frog almost and the second she had started to think about them again, she felt a cry crawl out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry, Judy." Rosie said quietly, "I had just heard…." She looked up at him and tried to smile in thanks, but in became a watery whimper instead. Rosie was quiet for a moment as they watched each other.

"Lieutenant Montez told me." he said, his voice light as a feather, "I'm sorry." She sniffled and nodded.

"Thanks, Rosie." she managed out, before biting back her wobbling lip and staring forward towards the window of the cockpit, before her eyes welled with more tears, "I'm so sorry." And there she was, the cry from her lips like that of a wounded animal, soft and bleak. It hurt. Something like this had never hurt so much. It ached; deep down inside her, dark and harrowing.

"Here, Jude," Rosie said quietly, stepping up inside the cockpit, his large form crouching, looking rather cramped in the space between the pilot and copilots' seat, wrapping that warm blanket around her shoulders, "it's okay." He wrapped his arm around her then, rubbing his hand up and down her arm gently, back and forth, over and over.

And suddenly, the world went quiet.

The voices torturing her mind, the thoughts pulling away at every breaking edge. Everything went quiet. And he was so warm. Shuddering breaths left her lips as she shut her eyes, pressed into the side of his A2, tucked underneath his arms, listening to the low beat of his heart.

For a moment, it didn't feel like she was in this nightmare - instead she thought about home. Her special place at home, in the open field up on the hill her and her siblings would race up. The long grasses tickling their faces, their bare feet and their hands, the daises that grew in bountiful bunches swinging in the early afternoon sunlight, the hymn of the birds and the bugs lingering in all the eves of the trees and the little river that ran down the hillside.

The feeling of sun-kissed skin and that blue dress she always wore, the sound of her siblings' laughter as they'd lay in the trees, tripping over the roots, jumping off the rocks, splashing in the tidal pools with the mud and the large-leaf plants that overgrew.

The smell of fresh rain having fallen, leaving dew before on every bit of upturned root, leaf and tree. The sound of her mother's voice in the kitchen, singing sweetly and softly a Polish song that she grew up on, as she rolled dough and cut it into pieces.

The pure joy that the kitchen was always filled with, despite what little they had. Her father coming back from town each day, with a few more animals than they'd had the day before, maybe a goat, or a chicken - getting their cow the one day was like striking gold! She remembered what it felt like to sit at the kitchen table and eat with her family every day, cleaning off the dishes with her mother, drying them and placing them in their wooden cabinets. The way their front porch faced the setting sun and she'd sit and dream and dream about her future.

She had been so happy. She had been so care-free. She had been so different from the person she had wanted to be. But she was who she was, now, in this moment.

Cracking her eyes open, she found that she was curled into Rosie's side, the tender touch of fingers and fabric somewhere near her cheek as she glanced upwards and found half of Rosie's head facing her way, and his hand tucking the blanket under her chin.

Without second thought, one of his fingers came to the corner of her eyes and brushed at what she could only guess was a stray tear. And then he smiled at her, so lovingly, so full of care that she was sure that wherever she was, wasn't Earth. And he didn't even say a word to her.

Letting her sit there in his embrace, curled into his side, quiet and withdrawn.

He didn't say a word.

He stood there and watched her quietly, adjusting the blanket a few times here and there, meeting her gaze every few moments and offering a smile that she felt throughout her entire body. When she had found her voice, it was hoarse and creaky, but raw.

"I'm so sorry, Rosie." she found herself saying quietly, her eyes welling with tears slightly. And he instead tilted his head and watched her.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said, his hand against her shoulder, moving back and forth, "absolutely nothing." And she nodded because she believed him. She watched as he slowly retracted, sitting himself down in the pilot's seat, swinging his legs over the side to face her, leaning forward and allowing her to get a full view of his face and his eyes - without the crusher cap, without the mental preparation of preparing for a mission. It was simply Rosie Rosenthal in front of her now. Judy watched him with tired eyes and swallowed nervously.

"Thanks for the blanket, Rosie," she managed out quietly, "you don't have to sit here with me, if you don't want to. I just needed to get away from it all for a bit."

"It's okay." Rosie said with a quiet smile, "Just didn't want you to have to be alone, that's all. Look," she watched as he reached into his own A2 and revealed a book in his grasp - The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, "even brought a book." Judy's eyes widened at the sight of it and suddenly, she felt a bit of weight lift from her shoulders. Sitting up a bit, she sniffled to herself and caught a glimpse of Rosie's eyes and the cover of the book.

"On the Steinbeck kick?" she asked him, a small smile escaping her as Rosie met her gaze and chuckled quietly.

"Seems like it." he said, "Finished up Of Mice and Men, just….left it in your barracks, too." She looked at him and felt her eyes glow with a smile a bit. He smiled wider.

"Lieutenant Montez let me in." he offered her.

"Thanks." she said quietly, before offering a small smile, "Really, you don't have to stay." Rosie looked at her, that tender look on his face and shook his head.

"You're apart of my crew now," Rosie said quietly, tapping his fingers gently against the book cover, as if a tune had just struck his mind, "a pilot does what he or she must do for the safety of the crew." Judy cracked a smile at his words.

"I'm safe." she offered him and he chuckled at her words.

"Well, it's the beginning of November, and pretty cold, and you're holed up in the cockpit of a B-17 with nothing past an A2 and no blanket." he said back, before nodding to her, "Wouldn't consider it entirely safe in my book." Judy watched him before managing a small laugh at his words, snuggling the blanket - most likely his blanket from God knows where - up around her more and looking to him.

"Thank you, Rosie." she said, barely above a whisper, her tone genuine, and slightly broken, before she met his gaze again, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." he said, "I'm an open book." Then he smirked, tapping on the book again and she found herself chuckling again at his words.

"You're too funny," she said softly, reaching up to brush some of her hair behind her ears, wiping at her eyes before letting out a breath, "if you had known what to expect from all of this, would you still be a pilot?" Gently, she tucked herself against the back of the copilot's chair and watched him with wide, curious eyes.

She got the sense the question had knocked Rosie a bit off guard because he looked at her with a slightly surprised face and did that cute little thing where he smiled slightly, the corners of his eyes crinkling, before settling his jaw.

"Well," he started, glancing out the front of the cockpit window, growing quiet for a moment, "I don't quite know." He looked back at her.

"Even if you knew what you'd expect from the war? All the death, the emotions…the bloodshed?" Judy asked him, watching his eyes grow with adoration and pride as he looked to the mechanics of the pilots chair - the wheel, all the working and running gears and mechanisms. Rosie reached forward, gently stroking his hand along the top of the wheel, landing on the middle, metallic part of the bottom of the yoke and sighed.

"I would." he said, a finality to his statement as he gave the wheel a gentle pat before looking over at her. Judy could only stare at him in a mesmerized state.

Knowing someone like Rosie Rosenthal was a leader in the 100th Bomb Group would forever make her feel safe and protected. Knowing he'd do it all again, despite the knowing, the reality.

And that's when her eyes welled further and it hit her again. Like waves crashing on a shore. Over and over. As if she was standing there, trying to get back up and she couldn't. It hit her over and over, drowning her in the salt.

The sacrifice from their leaders, from the people risking their lives day in and day out. Rosie continued to watch her softly - he remained so calm, so stoic, so…..filled with an authority and steadiness that she felt she could never muster. Whenever she had seen him the few times through the interrogation room or after they'd been released, he always seemed to have a sense about himself and what had happened and how to carry himself going forward.

"Here," Rosie said leaning forward, holding out his hand, "give me your hand." Judy slowly placed her hand forward into his own - she had to hold back the small laugh at the sheer size difference. His hand was warm, too, soft, a steady presence. He clasped his other hand overtop hers and then looked at her.

"There's no one way to learn it, but I'm sure you saw it with Captain Faulkner and Lieutenant Bradshaw," Rosie said quietly, "even if they aren't here, they still are people that would do anything to keep you safe, keep you alive and keep you moving forward. And they'd do it all over again to know their crew was safe. You know that." Judy sniffled. She nodded.

"In my eyes, knowing how Lieutenant Bradshaw was with you and the crew?" Rosie started, "I don't doubt she's still alive. Her, Carlisle, Farley and Harlowe. I don't doubt it." Judy managed a smile.

"And I want you to know that I'm here for you, too," Rosie said, "they're out there. People in the 100th don't seem the type to let the war get the best of them. But, for now, you're safe, you're here, and I want you to know that." Judy softly gripped his hand at his words and nodded.

"Please don't leave me." she whispered, eyes glassy with tears. It didn't take less than a second for Rosie to place the book down and move forward, wrapping his arms around her form. He held her with such understanding, such certainty and calm that she never wanted to have to let go.

Tucking her head into his neck, she squeezed her eyes shut and focused on him in this moment. He was such a massive person it seemed in comparison to her, his broad shoulders, his tall figure, cradling her like a wounded animal. And he was so inviting, so welcoming, so warm and forever one of the friendliest people she'd had the pleasure of meeting. And if anything, he was kind and he understood.

Maybe he never fully got to the story on Birdie Faulkner, or never would entirely understand how hard it was to get the group moving forward again with a replacement pilot, but he understood loss and what it meant to show up.

His hand gently grazed her back, over and over, up and down again overtop of the blanket, while his other arm cradled the side of her head, his thumb brushing her hair, tickling at her ears. Judy tested the waters.

"I don't normally breakdown like this," she whispered quietly, sniffling to herself, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Judy," he said quietly in her ear, a small smile at the end of his words, "let's keep this blanket on you, you're freezing." She felt him pull it up higher over her back and then she couldn't help the small smile that was brought onto her face. Despite her puffy eyes, the dryness of her throat and the helplessness that seemed to pool in the pit of her stomach - she was smiling and it was because of Rosie Rosenthal.

"You know you're not alone, right, Judy?" Rosie said quietly and her face fell as he held her, "Montez told me you had come out here…..and….well, admittedly, she had told me to leave you alone. She knows you well, but….I came out here anyway, figured I-"

"Thank you." Judy whispered quietly, achingly, a stray tear leaking out of her eye as she took a deep breath in, "Thank you." She heard him let out a breath from his nose, almost like a bit of laughter and gave her a warm squeeze. She found it easier to speak when she wasn't looking at his face. Because looking at his face made her want to cry.

"The last time we lost someone - Captain Faulkner…" Judy started quietly, "I could barely get myself to function when I was alone. Usually, when I saw someone - Bucky or….maybe Blakely - someone higher up, I could get myself to function. Act like I was okay. Even when I wasn't." Rosie's hand slowly continued to move.

"And people would always say 'I'm so sorry', over and over. It got to the point where I'd go to bed, and just….I don't know, try to get a hand on my emotions?" Judy said, questioning even her own mind, as tears welled in her eyes.

"It was just so hard." she choked out, gripping onto him tighter as her chest heaved against him, "I'll be honest, you make me feel safe enough to cry, that's why I'm like this." It was the most honest thing she'd said in days it felt. And she hoped it wasn't overboard.

"Really?" he asked, almost as if he were surprised. Judy swallowed nervously.

"Yeah," she whispered quietly, "because you've taken care of me before. And I know how much you care for your crew, for the others. And I know you wouldn't judge me for this now." In her mind, she wanted to shut up, stop blabbering. But it was the truth. It always was.

With Rosie, it was the truth.

Slowly, she pulled back to look at him and found that same worried look written on his face.

"It's probably too early to ask, but it's who I am by heart - are you hungry? At all?" he asked her and she let out a small laugh, her stomach twisting in a sour manner, as she gripped his shoulder gently.

"Not really." she said quietly with a shake of her head. Rosie nodded, the corner of his lip turned upward at her as he glanced back at his chair.

"Well," he said softly, looking back at her, "how about you try and get some sleep then. I'll stay right here - I won't let anything happen to you, I swear." Judy eyed him tentatively as he pulled away - his warmth disappearing - as he sat down in the pilot's seat again and looked towards her.

"How'd you know I was sleepy?" she whispered out, feigning offense, the smile on her face doing her no favors.

"Your eyes." he said with a smirk, picking up the book, and opening up to a page he had doggy-eared. She watched him as he looked down to the book, his eyes tracing over the words in a fluid manner before moving on to flip to the next page and repeat.

And slowly, she felt the heaviness and exhaustion take over, her mind filled with quieted thoughts for the time being and the warmth of the blanket.

And she let herself fall asleep, right there in the copilot's chair, right next to Rosie Rosenthal.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Okay Cal I’ve taken some time and calmed down and now I’m so very normal about this news. Nico’s back well isn’t that nice. I feel so very casual about that. Just :) so :) normal :)

First theme this round is non-human Buddie!

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 (IM OBSESSED WITH THIS ONE!!!! Really loving Buck’s hearing loss story and can’t wait to see where you take it! And I’ve got Thoughts™️ about how it might play into the Diaz family magic… It seems like you’re doing the publish once it’s all written thing again - how many chapters are you planning on having?)

🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜‍♂️(IM INTRIGUED!! And lol this emoji has bracelets on the arm that totally reminded me of Buck’s line arm tattoo so it’s meant to be! There’s so many interesting directions I feel like this one could go and I’m very excited to watch it play out!)

-PCA <3

HI PCA! So happy you're so excited for Nico.

In the meantime, the creature fics!

96 for 🌲 (THANK YOU!!!!! That makes me so happy. I'm really pumped for this one. I want to hear your thoughts! Yes, publishing this once it's all done. I have a ten chapter outline!)

---

It’s not for very long. Buck said the appointment shouldn’t take more than an hour, plus driving. No biggie. Eddie can handle that. He’s an adult. 

He tells himself the fear is that when he’s alone, something will happen. He’ll cover his house in more leaves and turn more and more into an animal until he loses his human mind. His back will become completely hollow like in all his nightmares. He thinks his fears are rooted in pragmatism. But when Buck is actually gone, the truth of it becomes clear. 

It’s painful. 

Buck being gone is actually physically painful for Eddie. He doesn’t know why. He gets this ache all over his body. This gripping sense of panic and nausea combined. He can hardly function. He needs Buck to be back. He needs to not be alone. His brain sort of abandons reason and starts spiraling to some dark place where he’s forever shut out from any sort of human interaction forever. Where he is utterly isolated. 

He doesn’t just think of Buck. He thinks of Christopher, hating him. His team at work, thinking he abandoned them. Adriana, missing without a trace. Shannon, dead. He starts to shake. It feels like some sort of withdrawal; or at least what he imagines that would feel like. He needs some sort of company. Anyone. Anything. Most of all, he needs Buck to come home. 

There’s a knock on the door around the time Eddie is expecting Buck to get back. If Eddie was in his right mind, he would know it’s not Buck. He would know the door is unlocked, and Buck can walk in. He would know that Buck has keys, regardless. 

Throwing aside any sort of precaution or rational thought, Eddie hurries to open the door. He doesn’t have much in the way of a disguise to conceal himself. He’s still wearing Buck’s sweatpants. Nothing for his face. He doesn’t even think about it. What he must look like to someone who isn’t expecting to see it. 

He’s surprised to see that it’s Tommy at the door. Arms crossed, angry impatient look on his face. Tommy, Buck’s boyfriend. He’s probably here for Buck. But he’s Eddie’s friend, too. Maybe he can keep Eddie company until Buck gets back. 

Not single thought of his own protection in his head, Eddie throws open the door. 

“Hey, Tommy,” he says. “What’s up, man?”

Tommy looks furious and confused. He looks Eddie over, eyes scrunching with confusion. 

“Where’s Evan?” He demands. He blinks a few times. Rubs one of his ears. “I know he’s with you and… And I…”

“Buck isn’t here right now. Should be soon. Do you want to come inside?”

“Do I…” Tommy’s eyes sort of glaze over. It’s like watching drugs settle in. The anger all but evaporates from his face. “Yeah, Eddie. Of course I want to come in.”

Eddie is pleased. That’s good. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. He can already feel the pain in his body beginning to subside. 

“Come on, man. I’ll get you a beer,” Eddie says. No matter that it’s eleven in the morning. 

“I’d love that,” Tommy says. 

He leads Tommy inside towards the kitchen. He grabs two beers from the fridge. He doesn’t think about the tail creating a strange bulge in the back of his pants. He doesn’t think of the fact that he’s wearing Tommy’s boyfriend’s pants. He doesn’t think of anything and Tommy’s not reacting to anything. It all must be fine. 

When he turns around to hand Tommy the beer, Tommy takes a step towards him, leaving very little room between him and the fridge. Eddie feels a bit cornered. 

“Uh, hi?” Eddie asks. He tries to give Tommy the beer but Tommy doesn’t take it. Won’t even look at it. 

“Eddie, I think we should talk,” Tommy says.

Eddie gets a bad feeling. 

“Okay… Uh, sure. About what?”

“Us,” Tommy says. 

Eddie coughs a little. “Us?”

“You and me,” Tommy says. 

“What you and me?” Eddie asks.

Tommy smirks a little. “What we could be to each other.”

Eddie blinks. “Uh… Friends? Friends with someone very important  in common?”

Eddie might be feeling a little out of it lately, but he’s not insane. 

“Oh, come on, Eddie,” Tommy says. “You had to know there was something between us. If you hadn’t been seeing that woman. What was her name?”

“Marisol?” He asks. Or Kim? Both? Jesus, he’s a mess.

---

66 for 🧜‍♂️ (YAY! Thank you! I am excited to reveal my - and Annie's - plans):

---

He knows that it changes you. In lots of strange ways, some small and some large. 

“I’d had an accident not too long before that,” Chimney says. “Nearly died, myself. But… I don’t know. It’s different for Buck. Especially about Bobby. I think he’s just jealous you’re the new, shiny person on the team.”

Eddie is hardly new and shiny. Buck just doesn’t know that.

Eddie nods. “I’ll… Well, I’ll try I guess. To get on his good side or whatever.”

“I don’t think he has a bad side,” Hen says. “Just be patient. He’ll come around.” 

Eddie holds onto this promise. Hopes that it’s true. And really, really hopes his suspicions aren’t correct. 

🌻

Things get worse. 

There’s some downtime in the shift. Eddie decides to hit the station gym. Unfortunately, Buck is already there with Chimney. He considers turning around and walking away, not wanting to deal with the guy more than he needs to. But he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He doesn’t want to be scared off in his own workplace. Not again. 

So Eddie starts on the other side of the equipment from Buck. The punching bag. He gets a conversation started up with Chimney. They talk about the firefighter calendar, which Chimney wants a spot in. Something Buck doesn’t seem thrilled about. It’s clear Buck wants to win, from all the absurd selfies he’s been snapping. 

“Are you gonna submit photos, Eddie?” Chim asks. “Be honest, you’ve probably got washboard abs under that shirt. You submit one of those classic shirtless suspenders photos and you’re a shoe in.”

Ha. No. Abs? Sure. A shirtless photo? No way. 

Across the gym, Buck makes a frustrated noise. Mutters something under his breath. Eddie doesn’t hear it, but he gets the tone. And all he can hear is the sound of someone suggesting he isn’t man enough for the competition. Whether or not it’s what Buck says, it’s what Eddie takes in. 

So he sort of snaps. 

“What’s your problem, man?” He demands, marching over to Buck at the weights. 

Buck looks up at him. He seems surprised to have been confronted. Surprised, but not unwilling to rise to the bait. He stands up, gets close to Eddie, peacocking his considerable height. He’s not that much taller than Eddie, but it sure feels like it, in this moment. 

“Okay. You.” Buck says, voice low and tight. “You’re my problem. Your comfort level.”

Eddie’s comfort level? Is he serious? He’s been doing everything he can to make Eddie uncomfortable. Is Eddie, what? Supposed to know his place? Stay silent and in the background because he’s different? How does Buck even know that he’s different? 

“You’re-you’re not supposed to walk in here like you’ve been here for years,” Buck keeps going. “It’s meant to be a getting-to-know-you period. You’re meant to respect your elders.”

“You’re not his elder, Buck,” Chimney interjects. 

“I don’t know how old you are,” Eddie replies. “But I’m not a probie. I’ve been a firefighter-paramedic for six years. But if you have some sort of prejudice that makes you think I’m not fit for the job-”

“Wait, what?” Buck interrupts. “Prejudice?”

[totallyjustabunchofhocuspocus]

Fic Preview

A sneak peek of the next chapter of Come Away, O Human Child

He meets Shannon at the same restaurant they decided to end their marriage in less than a month ago.

It’s strange…he’s well aware of just how drastically your life can change in a short amount of time. How drastically everything can change in an instant. He’s had his own share of moments that changed everything—split seconds where the before and after were entirely different lives. Meeting Shannon. Her telling him she was pregnant. Holding Christopher for the first time. Getting shot down in Afghanistan.

Walking into the 118.

Meeting Buck.

He knows how drastically your life can change in a short amount of time, but Christopher’s birth is the only thing that has ever made him feel so much like a different person. He’s not the same man that he was the last time he and Shannon sat down together to talk. Shannon seems to sense it, watching him with sharp, curious eyes as they place their orders.

“How’s apartment hunting going?” he asks as soon as the runes woven into the fabric of the tablecloth flash blue and their drinks appear a moment later.

“Good. I’ve got it narrowed down to a couple of places—if you don’t mind, I’d like to sign Chris out of school early this Friday and take him with me for the walkthroughs. I want him to have a say in where he’ll be staying when he comes to visit. Thought we could take the weekend to see some of the sights, maybe get a fancy hotel room?”

Eddie nods, mentally flicking through the calendar of appointments and plans he has over the next few days. Chris has a doctor’s appointment early next week, but there’s nothing pressing. “Yeah, of course—he’ll love that.”

Shannon smiles at him, taking a sip of her drink and leaning back in her seat. She looks good—relaxed and happy in a way she really hasn’t been the last few months. He wonders if she sees the same in him, and it makes his heart ache for both of them. Trying so hard to do the right thing and just hurting themselves and each other doing it. And isn’t that just the story of their entire relationship?

“I’m glad things are going good for you,” he says, and sincerely means it. Shannon’s smile widens, and it strikes him how very much their son looks like her. He sees more of himself in Chris’s mannerisms and expressions, but in looks, he’s practically Shannon made over.

“Thanks, Eddie,” she says, and then tilts her head with that shrewd look that has always made him feel like no one would ever know him as well as this woman does. He knows that’s not true, now. Buck knows him every bit as well as Shannon ever did…knows him better in some ways, understands him on levels that Shannon was never able to reach no matter how hard she tried.

But Shannon knew him first. She will always be the first person who looked and saw him, he thinks.

“But I’m guessing you didn’t ask to meet up just to tell me you’re happy for me?” The runes on the tablecloth light up again, and they both sit back as their steaming plates appear—mushroom risotto for Shannon, salmon and asparagus for him. He stalls a moment by grabbing his fork and poking at the (perfectly done) fish before shrugging and nodding.

“Yeah,” he admits. “I’ve, uh, got something I want to talk to you about.”

Shannon raises an eyebrow at the serious tone of his voice. “Okay,” she says slowly.

“So, I know we haven’t really talked about, uh, how we want to handle it if…when…we want to maybe introduce someone. To Chris. Someone new.”

The other eyebrow shoots up, surprise and something a little hurt flashing across Shannon’s face. “You’ve already met someone?” she asks. “And you want to introduce them to our son? Eddie, we’re not even divorced yet!”

And oh…oh, yeah, okay, it sounds bad when she says it like that. “No! No, not like that—” He breaks off with a heavy sigh. “It’s…complicated,” he finishes lamely. Confusion joins the surprise and the hurt, and Eddie mentally throws his hands up. “It’s someone Christopher already knows—someone we see all the time. Nothing was going on while you and I were still…anyway, it’s new. For both of us. But I don’t want to try and sneak around Chris when we see this person so much. But we already talked about it, and we don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You’re his mom, Shan—you get a say in this.”

Shannon’s brow furrows, and she tilts her head slightly. “Who is it?” she asks.

“It’s Buck,” he says simply.

It surprises him a little, actually, how easy it is to say. They’ve kept it totally between them, this new…development in their relationship, agreeing that they don’t want to throw anymore hand grenades into their lives until everyone knows about Buck’s curse, and why he can’t try and get his magic back. They’d also agreed that Chris needs to know before anyone else in their immediate circle, and that Shannon needs to be a part of that conversation. It should feel bigger, he thinks, more momentous, telling someone else for the first time, let alone his soon-to-be ex-wife.

Like everything with Buck, though—every damn thing—Eddie finds that it just…fits. It’s easy, when it comes to Buck. The truly important things are always easy.

Shannon’s jaw actually drops, and she stares at him wide-eyed for a few seconds, before abruptly shaking her head. “Okay…is it weird that that’s not even in the top fifty of things I thought you were going to say and completely unsurprising?”

[sarbear94]

Because Evan-

(It’s a long one…sorry not sorry 😘)

Okay…. I’ve been rewatching some old Buddie scenes because of the potential of Eddie moving back to El Paso and…. excuse my language but…. What the fuck?

It’s like the writers are new or don’t know what to do with Eddie anymore. Or like someway, somehow the episodes are out of order.

In THAT scene, Buck asks “he has grandparents, family” and Eddie reply’s “After Shannon left, they tried to guilt me into giving Christopher to them. It wasn’t what I wanted then, it’s not what I want now.” They then both agreed that no one would fight harder for Chris than Buck.

So WHY THE FUCK haven’t either of them gotten him back yet??

Eddie started season 7 with Marisol and Chris and everyone’s fine. Then Chris is dating multiple girls (Eddie is baffled and doesn’t know how to handle it so he asks Buck for help) and said it has to do with his mom to Buck and we get that EMOTIONAL shot of Eddie devastated after hearing this. Then proceeds to give him a letter to bring about closure for him. Eddie seemed to already have closure or at least repressed it.

Then Eddie meets Kim…. And the Eddie we have loved for 6 seasons is IMMEDIATELY GONE. He does the exact same thing that he told Buck about Christopher was not okay And needed to be fixed (he was BEGGING Buck for help).

Like, my dude, how did you think this was gonna go? You kept everyone in the dark. Your son, your best friend, your GIRLFRIEND and even Kim! What was his end goal? It doesn’t make any sense.

Like I understand that if Gavin wasn’t gonna be around next season, and you need to write him off but have him potentially come back, there were several ways you could have done that but still kept true to the characters. Have Chris go to a boarding school. Or a school trip. Or literally ANYTHING ELSE! Then season 8, keep the Kim storyline, but Chris is already gone and doesn’t witness it. Cause now that whole confession thing with Kim pretending to be Shannon and actually get closure was pointless. If they’d done that with Chris gone, he’d have the closure. Work on the PTSD crawling back up in an empty house, keep the Priest and finding Joy and then keep that for a bit and then heal.

That was a whole side tangent really for the main point I was trying to make, but why does Eddie- lose Chris, grow a mustache, grieve for not having his son, have an episode where a Priest says “let yourself have Joy,” then take it away in the next couple of episodes by saying “I’m thinking of moving to Texas” based on the words of a psycho actor??

Chris is a TEENAGER! Hell- he might still be a preteen, grow the fuck up and go parent your son. You’ve put your foot down before, why is this any different?? After a few weeks, I would have been like “nope, we’re done with this. I get I fucked up, but I’m still your dad so we are gonna talk about this and figure out some common ground.” I understand feeling guilty and not wanting to push him even farther away but you’re not even trying! Phone calls don’t show “I want you here with me,” it says “I’m okay with you being gone.”

You’re thinking moving to El Paso is a great idea… but it’s not. Your parents suck. You know this. YOU MOVED HALF WAY ACROSS THE US TO GET AWAY FROM THEM FOR A REASON! I get you patched things up slightly, but not enough.

ALSO! Why wasn’t Buck an option?!? Because of Tommy? I get because Gavin being out of the show(temporarily?) would have made that impossible but why wasn’t it even mentioned? I mean, He’s run to him before, he’s called him when Eddie had his breakdown and Chris didn’t know what to do. But like THEY HAD THE WILL, why wasn’t it even a factor in this. At the time, it felt like, at least to Chris, that Eddie was incapable of taking care of him, which means that Chris should go to Buck. Not his grandparents.

I just don’t understand what they are doing with these two. E and C. Bucks got his bisexual journey(relationship with Tommy). Bobby has multiple storylines. The Hans had the Mara and new baby storylines. Hen and Karen had the Ortiz/Mara and Denny/Halloween storylines. Athena has literally any storyline involving cops. And all those storylines make sense for each character. Eddie’s and Chris’s doesn’t. They keep pushing Eddie to be sad then happy then making stupid decisions. DEVELOP YOUR FUCKING CHARACTER! You’ve been dropping the ball since at least the network switch. Which I find super funny because yes, he does the emotional scenes super amazing but now it seems like his character is more open. He’s making more funny faces, he’s got the loose hair, he makes comedic jokes. But he’s almost(so close) to reminding me of Buck 1.0.. but it doesn’t fit with the storyline at all. At least to me…

Like does anyone agree with any of this? Am I just seeing things? Did the writers get told Gavin was leaving too late and made this story on the fly and rolled with it? Does Ryan want out of the show and they are keeping it under wraps? Like WHAT IS HAPPENING? Make it make sense!

Ps. I did not proofread this before posting so if something doesn’t make sense, let me know. I was just trying to get down all my thoughts on this. Currently me vvv

[matan4il]

911 ep 707 first watch reactions

Oh man, I'm actually not sure I have that much to say about this ep.

The entire plot with Mara and her brother Tyson was very sweet, very nice, and way too convenient. One day, shows are going to stop using the phrase, "There must be something you can do!" like it's some secret magic phrase, that makes this sentiment into a reality, AND turns the person addressed into someone willing to risk everything, in order to do that one thing they can do, which is usually something they're very much not supposed to... That said, Denny was sweet, Mara was lovely, her with Tyson was very endearing, and Henren continued to rule.

The storyline with Maddie was nicely handled, both her trauma, and the way Chim helped her use it to figure out the case and help save everyone from the stalker. My little Madney heart absolutely loved it. And Maddie's distress over a baby involved felt very real and understandable, when she's a mom herself now.

But then in a sense, it was clear this has no long term repercussions, other than bringing Brad into contact with Bobby. With his burn scars, and what we know about the fire that Bobby caused in the past, we can guess where this is headed. I trust that 911 will delve into this coming clash with the same humaneness with which it tackles most storylines.

But I'll be honest, I don't really like where Eddie's headed. I know Shannon scarred him deeply, but he was able to let go of her, and allow her to walk away from him twice while she was alive. It's weird if it's now being implied that the reason why he was never able to move on to another serious r/s is that he was stuck on her. The way she died was traumatic and painful, and it made sense that, even accepting that they as a couple were over, he had a hard time dealing with her death, but Eddie seemingly moved on in s4 at the latest. It feels a bit like they don't really know what to do with him, and how to move him on, so they keep going in circles with his character. Kinda like they were with Buck in s6. None of what we saw in that season helped Buck get to some major breakthroughs that we've seen in this one, so this current storyline with Eddie might end in the same way.

I'm not saying it doesn't have the potential to move him forward, and I'm sure it will be presented as if it has whether it actually does or doesn't (kinda like how 618 presented Buck and Natalia as a move forward, even though it very obviously was not), but right now, I'm not enjoying it. I also... even with this idea of having Eddie run into a Shannon look-a-like, I feel they could have gone in a lot of different ways, and the one where he goes on a date with her while having a serious gf he's essentially cheating on, it just doesn't feel great, or true to Eddie's values. Which can be the point, right? That sometimes we're so shaken up, we do stuff that's uncharacteristic. If that's where they'll take it, then it's working, 'coz right now, everything about this feels a little off. Let's hope they do something actually constructive with this, and give Eddie real progress (rather than just give Tim an opportunity to re-use an actress he already said he really likes).

Small mandatory Buddifer moment was really lovely, even if far from what my shipper heart would want. Then again, I honestly feel it's so funny that Buck is dating Tommy, while being married to Eddie, his actual baby daddy. If there aren't a lot of fics shipping all three men already, then IDK fandom.

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[lover-of-mine]

Do you think when (maybe I should say 'if' but it really only feels like a matter of time at this point lol) they do a queer eddie plotline they will say he never loved shannon at all or how will they handle it? After the whole kim debacle I don't see that happening anymore but I don't know what to expect to be honest.

Okay, I'm being bitchy today but I swear I don't want to sound like a bitch rn, this is a genuine question: why are some of you so scared of the idea that Eddie loved Shannon? I know the headcanon that Eddie is strictly gay is the most popular one, particularly I don't subscribe to it, but why is everyone convinced he can't have loved Shannon and be queer? Eddie believes he loved her. He will never be able to fully parse the feelings he had for her because, one they met when they were too young, and two she's dead so he can't analyse that with her to be like "oh, yeah, I'm gay and I don't think I was in love with you". Eddie loved Shannon. That's a fact of Eddie's character. You can debate whether he was in love with her or not or if her was attracted to her or not. But you cannot say Eddie did not love her. If you do, you're denying half of Eddie's character construction. Eddie is allowed to have loved a woman and still be queer. And personally, I need the show not to touch Eddie's relationship with Shannon like that. I need the show to have Eddie say something like "I loved Shannon, but I love Buck now" and just move on. The discourse around Eddie and Shannon is already insane without them having Eddie say he didn't love her.

[buddiebeginz]

I have so many thoughts swimming around my head after that ep not sure I'll make much sense but here goes.

My feeling about Eddie cheating is that even if it might not seem like it on the surface it is very much connected to his sexuality (and eventual coming out). It’s also a big warning sign that he’s not in a good place mentally.

Eddie has always tried to do the right thing. He tried to do what Shannon wanted. What his parents wanted. To do right by Chris. He’s been in these very strict positions of the military and firefighter most of his life. Never taking much time to examine who he is and what he really wants. Just doing what he thinks he has to do and should do.

Looking back on how this season has been playing out I’ve noticed that we’ve been slowly watching Eddie let go of all these rules he has for himself. Just look at how he was at the bachelor party. I don’t know if he’s ever really allowed himself to be so uninhibited liked that before. He just let loose and was enjoying being with Buck and at no point was Marisol brought up at all. There was also a lot of queer subtext in those scenes drag queens, Eddie in pink, Eddie as Crockett, Eddie’s shirt getting ripped off by men (including Buck), Buck and Eddie sitting pressed up together.

Before that Eddie was spending a considerable amount of time with T*mmy to the point that he kept ditching Chris to run off and leave his girlfriend to be his babysitter.

Then there was moving Marisol in and back out again while Chris wasn’t even there and without telling him. When the show has made it a point to always show how much Eddie takes Chris’ feelings into consideration especially with his relationships. But that’s the thing Eddie’s mindset this season has become do first think later and damn the consequences.

Now we have Eddie using this woman Kim he just met as a Shannon replacement but more so as a distraction from his girlfriend and just reality in general. Which this whole situation involves Eddie lying and sneaking around and a disregard for everyone’s feelings involved including Buck’s.

I know some might say how out of character this all feels for Eddie but that’s the point he’s changing and this is how it’s manifesting at the moment. Going back to Eddie’s sexuality I feel like before we can get to a place where Eddie can admit he has feelings for Buck (or any guy for that matter) we’re gonna see him spiral a bit to deny it even to himself. To reach for what feels the most safe instead and that’s his relationship with Shannon.

I think Eddie loved Shannon and will always have love for her but they got married more out of Eddie feeling obligated than anything else. Eddie also hides behind his feelings for Shannon. She’s come to be like this security blanket for him which is understandable in a way given how much history they share. She’s connected to his youth and she’s Chris’ mom, there is so much familiarity there but those memories are also keeping him stuck and unable to move forward.

At the end of season 6 Buck almost dies and I think that is really when Eddie started thinking about Shannon again. I also think Buck almost dying made Eddie realize (on some level) how important Buck is to him and that terrified him because he can’t handle losing Buck the way he lost Shannon. There’s also the Chris of it all which was further highlighted in 7x01 when Chris talked about how everyone leaves like his mom did. Some part of Eddie still wants to give Chris this perfect idylic family he thinks he needs when no one will ever replace Shannon and Chris already has two parental figures.

I know we’ve been mostly focused on Buck and his coming out story this season (and rightfully so) but I also think we moved on too quick from how much time Eddie was spending with T*mmy, how they said Eddie and T*mmy were originally going to be paired together, and Eddie’s reaction when Buck came out to him. How he was shocked that Tommy was gay and also seemed to be holding back some feelings. Eddie also immediately went home and told Marisol to move out after that convo.

Now we have Eddie dating Kim (I assume), in a relationship with Marisol, and lying to his best friend and son. Which btw if Eddie and Buck are just friends why does he need to lie to him at all? Is it maybe because Eddie knows that Buck gets him better than anyone and would not hesitate to call him out if he knew what he was doing?

I just think a lot of how Eddie is acting right now is wrapped up in so many feelings he hasn’t dealt with yet. I know from personal experience the more you try and avoid dealing with things the worse it’s gonna get. Eddie also has a lot of past traumas and pains. From his childhood, the army, from his relationship with Shannon and how she died, from guilt over not being there for Chris, from things he’s seen on the job, almost losing Buck, his repressed sexuality. You can’t keep all that bottled forever sooner or later you’ll snap.

Maybe that comes out in the form of trashing the hell out of your room maybe in cheating with your dead wife’s double. Either way Eddie is careening towards having to fully deal with himself and all the things he’s compartmentalized for so long. He’s put himself in a situation which guarantees he can’t run away this time. Because I do think it’s all going to blow up spectacularly in his face. He’s going to have to deal with why he’s still clinging to Shannon. Why he didn’t want to really invest in a relationship with Marisol. Why he can’t commit to all these women yet he’s been committed in one way shape or form to Buck for years now.

Hoping I made some kind of sense here. If you read all of this thanks. ❤️

[shitouttabuck]

several sentence sunday

hello! from this post i saw on here yesterday and also the ridiculous would u peel an orange for me tweets

He imagines his heart as a citrus fruit, bright and bursting. This feels like digging a nail into the rind, working your thumb in, peeling it; quick, because this is already a familiar act—so much of loving Buck feels like memory, even the new. Half of what’s inside, the softest, stickiest, most tender parts of Eddie, given to Buck. The way Buck holds and handles with wonder each wedge of it like it’s—maybe not the first he’s ever had, not some Garden of Eden shit with its contorted belief of sin behind wanting and sharing, but like he’s going to savour it for the rest of time, plant the seeds inside that full-of-life place in his own chest. Keep Eddie there, look after this thing they’re giving each other so they can grow: upwards and intertwined and old together. Jesus, has Eddie always been this gross? This kind of giddy-in-love feeling that has every cell in his body vibrating with want and excitement and—joy, isn’t it? Untouchable, unshakeable joy, every time Buck so much as looks at him, never mind the touching and the telling and the loving on. That’s normal at the start of a relationship, Frank had told him. Yes, even an adult one, not a teenage hormone in sight. It’s just—his relationship with Ana hadn’t really had that, even at the start. And his second go-around with Shannon had been fraught with way too much hurt still held onto by them both. Attraction, passion, desire—check, check, and check. But this simple exhilaration, this fucking thrill that runs through him every time he remembers he gets to take Buck’s hand whenever the urge strikes? Every time Buck takes his hand, casual and easy? It’s a rush like no other. But that fades, right? You date for a few months, you live together, you learn, or relearn, every one of the annoying fucking habits the other person has, intimately, and you love them, so much, but the giddiness fades, right? But they’re coming onto a year, and there’s a ring stuffed into the bottom of the pair of Eddie’s socks he’s sure doesn’t have holes in them, and still, still, he thinks of Buck and he wants, giddy. He looks at Buck and the excitement is a full-body thrum. He reaches for Buck and the joy inside him is bursting, demanding, cannot be contained; it spills over and stains them, sticky like his split-open heart. And maybe that’s okay, he thinks, that he gets to feel like this without a deadline. Because if he gets to give it to Buck, press it into his hands and his mouth and the wispy curls at his hairline? It feels like joy is the point, and Buck’s the glowing foundation of it, and Eddie’s ready, actually, to spend a very long time getting accustomed to just how much happiness is his to keep.

idk where this fits yet, might belong to a wip or may write something more around it :)

tagging @onward--upward @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @chronicowboy @colonoscopys @rewritetheending @jeeyuns @zahlibeth @anakinfallen @buckactuallys @bucksbignaturals @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @eowon @clusterbuck @try-set-me-on-fire @butchdiaz @transboybuckley @devirnis <3

[fantasylover145]

Eddie is a terrible partner that is the plain hard truth!! He is a wonderful human being, a loving father and a fantastic friend and firefighter but he is genuinely a terrible partner. He treated Shannon like shit when they were married, I know he was young & terrified & they both made horrible mistakes in that marriage. But even when she came back into his life & when "they were working on things" he never asked a single personal question about her or asked about how she was handling her grief or how her mother was doing if she was even still alive (because they never fucking mentioned it and we can only assume she's fucking dead). Shannon was only a "wife" and a "mother" to Eddie, she left to get her identity back, to be a fucking person again as well as to take care of her sick mother but when she got back with him it was never really about her at all. Eddie doesn't get to know these women from what we can tell. Even now Eddie isn't remembering the woman she actually was but idealising a version of her he made up in his head. Of course, he is wondering about all the "what ifs" and what could of been, he loved her deeply but he isn't treating Shannon and her memory with the respect she deserves because he is ignoring the person she actually was when she died. Moreover, with Ana he was grieving Shannon & dealing with his PTSD from being shot so it is understandable he made mistakes, but he still strung Ana along for months and months. And with Marisol, he barely knew anything about her, had her move in after hardly months of dating, allowed her to be waaay to involved in his son's life and allowed them to be alone together multiple times in a single week and then cheated on her. We didn't see him apologise and even afterwards hardly even actually saw him feel guilty for how he treated these women not only Marisol but Ana too. Eddie keeps fast-tracking his relationships only to backtrack when they get "too serious".

It isn't just that he isn't falling in love with these women, because yes you can have relationships with people and a little while down the line realise you aren't or can't fall in love with them, even if you are attracted to them. It's how he is purposely allowing them into a mother/wife role in his life way way too quickly, never truly being in it and allowing his son to get attached. Ultimately, by Eddie following these inherently sexist traditional values that his parents cultivated he gets to the point where these women are hardly even people anymore to him but props in his life.  Like even Lena who he didn't even get with, their entire friendship was about him. So so many of the relationships he has with women outside of the 118 are entirely about him, his relationship with his wife was about him, his friendship with Lena was about him, Marisol, Ana, even Pepa and Abuela were only important in the show when it was centred around him. The writers need to be fucking better.

Buck has been a terrible partner it's not just Eddie, he was pretty awful to Taylor not only when he cheated on her and moved her in and essentially trapped her. But he wasn't in the right headspace at all to be in a relationship so it was a definitely unbalanced relationship. Most of that relationship was about him not about both of them like it should be. Taylor immediately became a side character when they got together and was there for sex or to comfort him, even though there was one ep about Buck supporting her and about her past, they lost so much chemistry because she wasn't really a person anymore at some parts of season 5. Buck has shown misogynistic tendencies as well especially in season 1 and I don't mean him sleeping around because there is nothing inherently sexist about it, but his comments about Valentines Day and stuff like that were. Buck also never actually takes the time to evaluate what he wants in a partner and just goes to the next available person even though I think he genuinely likes and wants to be with them, the writers treat all his love interests like they are disposable. Take how Lucy was treated as soon as she served her purpose to "stir drama" they threw her away as if she was nothing, he didn't apologise to Lucy about kissing her when he was in a relationship or anything too. Lucy also had ten years of experience as a firefighter and even though I can understand Buck's insecurity and desire to prove himself, he still comes across as a bitter sexist asshole a little bit when he was talking about how he should be Interim Captain not her even though she is waay more qualified. I can understand not wanting an outsider to be Interim Captain but to suggest he was better was just ridiculous.

Even Bobby has had his misogynistic moments with how he treats Athena sometimes and his comments. Like how when Athena went back to work after she was attacked which was HER choice, he instead of talking to her and communicating decided to sympathise with a drunk driver who purposely got on the road and almost killed her own child and then kept it a secret from his wife. I don't think Bobby thinks he can control Athena or her decisions but throwing that in her face as if that was in anyway equal and acting as if he should have a say is fucking stupid, when he could of had a conversation with her but instead decided to be petty and tried to belittle her and make her feel bad about a decision SHE MADE ABOUT HER OWN LIFE. Bobby has also made small comments here and there which can also be seen as sexist even when it might not be his intention.

But the difference between Eddie and how he treats women compared to Bobby and Buck is that Buck and Bobby have actually managed to have healthy romantic relationships with women and treat them like human beings, whereas so far Eddie has not.

I think out of literally all the male main characters only Chim has not shown much if any misogynistic tendencies. The way the writers write these male characters is misogynistic even with them having incredible relationships with female characters and showing love and support with them. They treat almost all the women in Eddie's life as if they are not even human, but caretakers. And then with Buck while his relationships with women have been much much better, showcases their personalities a lot more and they are actually three dimensional human beings much more than Eddie's love interests, they are still incredibly disposable. Even if Buck doesn't see them as such, he just moves from the relationship to relationship. That's not to say that Eddie is somehow a worse person than Buck and Bobby that's just to say that Eddie needs to cultivate relationships with women in his romantic life that are more balanced and aren't entirely about him and his son. If the writers do not make Eddie queer, how he approaches the women in his life outside of the 118 and in his romantic life is something he needs to focus on. Eddie definitely is still unlearning all the bullshit he grew up with, which does take a lot of time. But even if they get Eddie into a relationship with Buck and say he is gay that does not excuse his behaviour and it would somehow almost give him an excuse to have no self reflection on how he has treated the women in his life. Especially when Josh basically said that Tommy treating Abby like shit and even now continuing to make shitty comments about her is excusable because Buck doesn't understand what it was like for him. I'm not trying to say I am not sympathetic to fellow queer people who suffered from comphet and were in straight relationships at all. But you don't get an excuse to be a shitty person to other people, it may be an explanation but it doesn't excuse it. But especially with Tommy and how he currently thinks and talks about the woman he was engaged to. Also, Buck has been there for Eddie way way more than Eddie has been there for Buck, so while I don't think Eddie would ever treat Buck as if he is not a human being just a caretaker, I do feel like the relationship had been vastly unequal in terms of emotional labour in just their friendship. Therefore, if they do get together even though Eddie would be a much better partner, I still feel like he would have to unlearn the toxic views he grew up with. Otherwise Eddie is just going to continue with the same patterns. It's also so funny how Eddie treats Buck and Shannon in such similar ways.

Furthermore, when the love interests are actually fucking people, fans may actually fucking ship the main characters with them who knew?! Eddie doesn't have to be "fixed" or "perfect" to be in a relationship, he doesn't have to get over his grief or trauma but he needs to learn how to be an actual fucking partner and treat his girlfriend's/partners like people with thoughts and feelings.

All of your favourite characters are subject to criticism and 3/4 of the main male characters are or have been misogynistic. Just because you fucking love them doesn't mean that they are infallible. The actors and writers have done incredible jobs with building and developing these characters but that means that unfortunately these characters have traits that we don't want to admit are there. I know these are fictional characters but the way these characters treat women is a reflection of how men are in the real world. Women are not only there to serve men and are not disposable.