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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago

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Breaking Bread, and Spilling Soup [Bonus art]

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #The amount of times I had to double check my spelling for Jin Zixuan...#Why does he have to have a cousin who's name is just one letter off...why...#I originally wrote out WWX asking for an update on his sister more explicitly - however even the Audio Drama has LWJ pick up #on the fact WWX wants to hear news about how JYL is doing. Though I'm certain he knows how much it will sting.#This might be official somewhere - but I personally believe that LWJ made the stop in Yiling to run into WWX to share the news.#Three days feels like a remarkable short time to tell someone about a wedding...though I imagine this wasn't LWJ's first attempt.#Maybe he delayed because he felt like it was not his news to share. Maybe he tried for weeks to find him.#Regardless...ouchie! A fun reminder that Jiang Yanli still means a lot to WWX even if he did cut ties with Yunmeng Jiang.#How many stabs to the heart did this feel like? To not be invited at all? To know she's marrying someone you fear will treat her poorly?#To know that the world and people you left behind haven't stayed stagnent. That they are moving on and moving away from you?#It never feels good to be left behind. Even when we burn the bridges with our own hands.

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mc-critical · 3 months ago

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1.06 / 2.09 (33)

#the way they both cling to their families while in distress #their families are their most cherished people that they somehow can't reach #Hürrem has literally lost them long ago #while Ibrahim has reunited with them and has placed them close to him due to his own love for them and his position in the castle #but it's precisely that same position that distances him from them and *will* distance him from them even *more* down the line #the reactions here also reveal how Hürrem and Ibrahim view death #Hürrem embraces it because she's lost so much already #they always want to separate her from the family she has and the family she's built in some way #and it's like they succeeded here - it has already happened - she's taken from Süleiman the only other person she could latch onto and from #her child she was going to have from SS that would show that she was actually going to keep on that she can't be separated from her family #*this time* not so easily but it's over it's done it seems so let her go to her mother and father at least let her return to them #let her reunite with them that's all she can have after she's already dead #after she's failed and the evil in the palace has seemingly taken over - in her E01 dream it was *they* who made her push forward #in order to commemorate them in the first place; she doesn't mention her sister tho even though she was there in the dream too #and I think that's because at this point Hürrem searches for protection for *help* and her parental figures can provide that to her #more than anyone else; namely they guided her in her dream mainly her mother so she goes first #it all also goes to show how her latching onto SS is a gradual process as she calls him only later #Ibrahim clings to life as embracing death would indeed mean losing absolutely everything completely #*fully* separating from his family he returned to found and reunited with after he wasn't sure about whether it's even possible #and what's more he has both his past and current family in front of him in the present; he can't let that go he *won't* let that go #so he urges his father and Niko not to leave him as in not to let him give up to help him in the fight he thinks he can still win #but he doesn't mention his mother namely because she isn't there in that picture she's fully gone and already symbolizes #a more distant past that wounds Ibrahim too much and he comes to want to evade as this ep is soon after #his scandal with Hatice; no wonder she appears in E44 and urges him to go home thus to go back as he wants to move on so badly #more subconsciously than even the usual #magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #hurrem sultan #ibrahim pasha

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stagefoureddiediaz · 10 months ago

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Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.

Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.

How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!

#this is so incoherant #I'm also thinking about how Marisol fits into this narrative and how this idea of being taken in or fooled by a person plays into what we #know of her - how she wasn't upfront with Eddie (not saying she had to be right from the off but before moving in!!!) - how she is kind of #representative of secrets - especially around faith and ones connection with faith because she is essentially a stand in for catholicism #which (sorry to all the catholics out there) peddles in magic and secrets in order to keep the mystery of faith alive and therefore keep #people believing. How Eddie's reckoning with himself and the ghost of Shannon ultimately means choosing either to follow the path of #catholicism or non catholicism #How Marisol is a tie to religion and therefore his reasons for not having successful relationships after her (or even with her) and how #Eddie letting go will ultimately mean letting go of Marisol - how he can never fully move forward while catholicism still lingers #how I don't' think we'll be seeing the queer aspect of this narrative this season - that dealing with this first part is key and only once #he has figured it out can he then be free to know himself - is true self better - and accept and move into his full self as a queer man #so yeah - catholic guilt arc 7b and 8a - as its really a two parter - finally dealing with the remnants of Shannon - and its connection wit #his faith and then when truly free of that exploring his queerness!#So yeah - Marisol will possibly be here until towards the end of the season because she is meant to be the trigger point for Eddie in #relation to Shannon - its why they made the difference (and similarities) between S and M very obvious in 7x01 #they have the time to build this story arc more fully now with the s8 renewal - to do it justice and unfortunately as part of that it means #she'll probably be around longer than any of us would like!#I don't know if I even make sense at this point #but I do want to reitterate that the show is goig out of its way to contrast her with Buck as well #to really show how close and right for each other Buck and Eddie are so no one needs to panic - she's here for the narrative not forever!#911 abc #911 spoilers #eddie diaz

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langfield · 2 months ago

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the key tip to avoiding lis ship wars is just understanding that maybe love is a complex thing that can’t be confined to a label or a relationship and that people can love multiple people at once in different ways that are either the same intensity or not, and maybe that’s okay, maybe the love that feels calmer is just as much of a gift as the love that feels burning hot. maybe chloe loved rachel the way max loved chloe but maybe chloe has always loved max first ( messily, sometimes badly ) and that’s all that matters. maybe max will always love chloe but can also love other people as much as her ( safi, maybe amanda and / or vinh ) and that doesn’t inherently devalue what chloe and max had, or what max has with other people now. maybe max loved kate, maybe chloe now loves victoria, maybe max feels a cocktail mix of loathing and love for nathan fucking prescott of all people or something and that’s all interesting and valid. maybe there’s no labels for anything max feels, or chloe feels, or what rachel felt ( someone who canonically had multiple relationships, and someone who was accused of cheating by the fandom or not loving anyone at all because of it ), and maybe that’s infinitely more profound and beautiful than soulmate talk or endgame ship bullshit. idk! i just feel like lis dynamics are so, so fun and beautiful and are such a hoot to explore if you stop being so heteronormative about everything and just embrace the inherent humanity and queerness of these dynamics. some of them are toxic and that’s ok baby!!! and some of them are complicated and that’s sexy. maybe some of them are poly and maybe some of them are committing psychosexual crimes on each other via telepathy but who cares!! lets have fun in this bitch!!

#my posts.#tired of ship wars you can have so much fun with dynamics if you just try #as someone who didn’t like chloe/max because of how the fandom treated it for years i can safely say im so fond of it now in my own way #because i know max loves chloe so much and chloe loves max so much and even if they breakup that never changed #they do not have to be girlfriends to be in love forever. and maybe they’ll always be apart physically but that doesn’t diminish anything #etc etc … yes they’re toxic and guess what de making them out to be that way made me FALL in love with them #i love messiness!!! i love breakups!!!! i love the fact they’ll always be max and chloe even when they’re moving on !!!#and i love max recreating that intense love with safi. and falling for vinh and amanda in different ways #and at the same time depending!!!#i love her relationship with moses and i love safi’s relationship with moses and vinh and maya #i love that max loved warren and chloe during the first game and maybe she loved chloe so much more but #that didn’t mean her love for warren wasn’t important. she thought it still was #and yes she kisses warren potentially and they never end up together and that’s BEAUTIFUL baby!!!#human relationships are so complicated and different and complex and i love it #once fandom learns that you can acknowledge every ship and love felt without demonizing any … life will be so sweet #anyway. love. yeah!#no dynamic is the exact same as another and that’s FUN!! yeah.

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ragnars-tooth · 3 months ago

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so very quick and sketchy but i was getting vague designs for all the tldc ladies down in one place

not so sure on gwendolen and gwilanna and i havent looked back at the books for details yet but these were just a quick cool down for the night 🫶

#ragnar art #tldc #the last dragon chronicles #fuck it sure ill main tag #too many characters (seven) fend for yourelves on this one #i um. i might be working on (have conceptualised and planned to death) an animatic #and thus actually had to figure out what people look like #im very faceblind n have aphantasia. so if they're not all on one page idk what they look like and/or if they look similar #read a little bit more of firestar and made myself sick thinking about gwilanna and her baby :(#oh old lady... come hang out with me we can... idk eat mushrooms and kick rocks together #cant wait for my gwilanna blorbo era. MOVE OVER david and tam its about to get uncomfortable in here (my brain) for you two #just Oh my god i get it now. girl id've done worse for grief. she shouldve blown the whole planet up and i'd cheer her on the whole way #<- doesnt remember most of her storyline BUT remembers The Vibes clearly #love a mean old fuck especially if they're a major antagonist. do NOT ask me about my relationship with my parents 🤡 /j #omg i also fixed my tablet's colour settings for the first time since i got it (2....3 years ago??) and wow. i dont have to fuck about #in the colour profile before i post anymore. technology is amazing <3 (i am an idiot)

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spellsparkler · 18 days ago

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writing elias is fun for, i expect, the same reason a lot of people find the dark urge fun: I know more or less what's going on with her and she's got no fucking clue. she's a very information-driven person, and as soon as she realises that there is some largely indefinable difference between her and the rest of them she immediately starts trying to catalogue it and narrow it down. it's interesting to write someone who is so deliberately aware of themself and observing themself all the time

#TO BE CLEAR: the 'indefinable difference' that she clocks has fuck-all to do with the biting ripping maiming killing thing #in the beginning of act ii and I still don't think she's realised that that's not normal #she hangs out with folks who do violence all day every day. she doesn't register a difference between murder and combat #it's all killing when it comes down to it. method and reasoning don't seem super relevant to the social acceptibility #which is why she's so blindsided by everyone's intense reactions to alfira's death #like what do you MEAN you think this is disgusting. i watched you behead a guy YESTERDAY #i actually think that the first things she registers are v different and less visible. more relevant to the #divinely crafted flesh sculpture side of things. the behaviours of a girl who was made not born #mizora's visit and wyll's transformation is i think when it really clicks that Something Is Amiss #no. 1 red flag is when she sees wyll being magically compelled to move in that one scene and she goes Oh his legs are walking without him!#he's walking like how i walk :)#... this is the first time that ive ever seen anyone walk how i walk. hm.#+ she watches his transformation and is filled with captivated vaguely envious ecstasy and also deep nauseating fear #first time in her memory that she ever felt scared #she sets those things aside because they don't feel immediately relevant and she doesn't know what they mean.#but they make her aware of a gulf that she can never disregard going forward. and it makes it much easier to compartmentalise #her relationships going forward. and subtly distance herself from everyone but astarion (mutually blackmailing bestie) when (in her eyes)#everyone turns on her with immense distrust for no reason #(so we're back to killing ten hundred sapient creatures a day while we wander around.#but i ask for help understanding the cause of one homicidal somnambulism episode and suddenly I'M the bad guy. sure ok)#bit of a ramble for 1am but #Whatever. NOW i'll go to bed #elias tag #bg3 #durge

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zivazivc · 10 months ago

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If John Dory gets back together with Freesia, do they talk about their past relationship? Has Freesia grown as a person in the years since the breakup?

I hope to believe she grew from the time she was 18-20. And if not, then she at least had to do some soul searching after her son betrayed the whole village. That's a lot for a mother to swallow.

And yes, she and JD definitely had a bunch of long perhaps uncomfortable conversations about their past surrounding the breakup before either of them even started to consider getting romantically involved with each other again.

#there were a lot of issues in their relationship once jd lost his parents #freesia did really try at first but in the end she pulled a dick move and left him #but i think jd really was awful to be around with during that time #i mean even his brothers left and made it clear that he was a big reason for it #(i don't blame him tho. it was too much for him to handle)#answered #trolls #freesia

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itspileofgoodthings · 6 months ago

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#okay but reading this Belloc essay on Austen really made something click in my mind #and it’s because of something he said #which is that women care more about what men think of them generally #(as a general rule. not all the time. etc.)#and men care more about the opinion of the one woman they care about #like women do care (as a first instinct at least) what every man she meets thinks of her #but men are mostly indifferent. until they’re NOT.#which makes women more vulnerable to a greater number of people #but men are MORE painfully vulnerable to the woman whose opinion they care about #and I don’t actually know that that vulnerability only extends to a woman they are attracted to/feel romantic feelings for #I think if they just think well of you as a person you (a woman) have a lot of power over them #which is sooooo interesting and makes so much sense!!!! and is something I’ve sort of been dancing around with teaching #like. a lot of the boys I teach come to care about what I think about them #which doesn’t mean they all have a crush on me. though that step can be super easy and super small #hence the need for the boundaries of steel etc. but it does mean that they care what I think about them!#and I’ve always felt that instinctively and felt that I had to be so gentle with them because the power to crush them is mine if I so choose #don’t let me overstate it. it doesn’t happen all the time or anything close to it. but the thing about me being a teacher is that #they are forced to know me not just in a surface-level way. simply because I spend so much time with them #and talk to them a lot!#ANYWAY. enough about me but yeah this hit me so hard and of course exceptions exist #and/or endless variations on this exist because people are unique and surprising and also everything is changing all the time #etc. etc. but there is something to this I think! and you know what #it’s so interesting because that base-level instinct for women (allowing it to be a thing I mean) can be grown out of #I have trained myself out of/maturity has helped me leave behind that immediate female instinct #of being hurt at the idea that this random waiter (for example) is indifferent towards me. I’ve come to accept it #the instinct is still there!!! because imo women are always scanning and searching and sizing up. and also we are so open to being won over #if that makes sense? which is why insta comments complaining about how only good looking men get away with things like. PLEASE.#there are so many medium-ugly men who get married. it’s the average because the average woman is prettier than the average man #(this is not an insult) women CAN be and usually are so open to being surprised. won over. moved by the simple fact that a guy likes them #and men are not like that. but my point is: men don’t grow out of caring if they care. when they care they care sooooooo much. anyways yeah

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jessamine-rose · 5 months ago

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*squeezes aine this time*

Read my Yandere! Dottore fics first (⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎)

Chemistry ๑ Magnum Opus

So @ainescribe decided to surprise me with more Darling fan art, this time of Dottore’s Assistant!! *sobs* I love it so much ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Once again, feedback will be in the tags. Thank you so much for enjoying my writing, Aine <3

#feedback #fan art #pranabefall #AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE ( ；∀；)#THE FACT THAT YOU DREW THIS?? AND SO SOON?? give me a moment. i need to cry happily #fun fact aine has made jokes about assistant and 'dead-eyed desi trauma' so my first thought when seeing this fan art was #'wow you can rlly see the desi trauma in her eyes' xD i say this both jokingly and seriously cuz AHH HER EXPRESSION!!#it's hard for me to describe visual art + techniques but you did such a good job at depicting assistant's emotions #is it bc of the thicker line art used for the eyes + eyebrows?? the lil eyebags/ creases under her eyes?? the uneven shading for her irises #all of that combined with her jaded facial expression and body language?? idk but just know that i love this depiction of assistant #especially since her emotions are an important aspect of her character design (to me at least)#moving on i love your original design for her. once again it's always interesting to see how my readers imagine and depict my darlings #and the way you drew her including the pose and design....she looks like a character from an animated show or visual novel!!#just put her name. caption. and dialogue on the side then she's ready to be romanced. 100% the fan-favorite character <3 #i rlly like how you drew her hair!! it looks very fluffy and voluminous (sorry idk many terms for haircare either)#the scar is an interesting detail. makes me wonder if she got it before. during. or after the akademiya?? from an expedition/ experiment??#either way. ohohoho the potential....i imagine the scar serving as a lifelong reminder to assistant of what she has sacrificed for her #scientific curiosity and career. not to mention that the scar is located on her FACE which is 1) the body part most crucial to a person's #identity 2) makes the scar difficult to ignore. to the point that some people may recognize assistant's face mainly bc of her scar #poor assistant. at least dottore is one to appreciate such traits. i can see him administering first aid or lovingly tracing the scar......#moving on to her uniform. i love that it's practical but also stylish in its own way. a perfect balance methinks uwu #the patterned lapels. the lil brooch. the leather armbands. the fatui symbol. the tucked shirt and high-waist pants.....aaaahhhh i just #love these small details!! and it does look like smth which a fatuus would wear on the job~#i think that's all i have to say on assistant!! once again. thank you thank you THANK YOU FOR EXPRESSING YOUR LOVE FOR MY WRITING AND MY #DARLINGS!! it means the world to me and i'll always cherish our rambles and brainrot <3 #dottore x reader #yandere dottore x reader #yandere fatui harbingers #fatui x reader #genshin x reader

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st4riel-the-w1tchling · 8 months ago

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I love being a polytheist so much.

Me and my mum visited the city today and Hermes kept sending signs to us all day, it made me so happy knowing he was with us.

At first I felt his presence while we were bussing in, I was kind of confused as I was listening to ‘Pomegranate Seeds’ and that’s Persephone’s song

Later a feather I was following with my eyes landed on my shoe while I was walking

On the way home we got the only 2 seats left on the bus (they were next to each other which was nice)

And all throughout the day mum kept getting texts about her driving exam in all the places she’d first been tested on it

#she also found a coin while booking the exam in #context: since we moved overseas both my parents have todo their driving exams again and I’ve commissioned Hermes for help:)#stariel posts #paganism #hermes #storytime✨✨#going out for dinner tonight (I finished my exams this morning so we’re celebrating the start of holidays) I’m curious if we’ll see any more #:))#I made a post on one of my other blogs abt some of the other things I did today (it’s a marvel fandom blogs) here’s the post:#https://www.tumblr.com/sp1dey-ri3l/754538843706966016/got-my-first-physical-comic #he’s such a rad dude (hermes I mean) :)

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the-physicality · 2 days ago

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paige shouting out tash cloud at every opportunity....love that

#can i say something.#i think because of tash's career track she's been very underappreciated #like she had 3rd most assists in the league last year #and that's with having several excellent passers on the team as well #and the fact that she regularly defends 4s [and was one of the more successful merc to do so last year]#tbh even the fans [like league fans] don't see it #and i think. even though she has that 200k contract [and deserves it]#many FO don't see her as invaluable #and like i understand why you would only want one big contract on the team between at and tash. like from a roster construction standpoint #i get it. i will be interested to see how the mercury do this year bc it's going to be a whole new system #apparently bg left bc they wanted to move away from the 4-1 setup idk #and i was thinking more about why the merc crashed out last year #i think it got into someone's head that they needed a 4 to rebound even though the system worked when everyone was healthy #and like having 3 of 5 starters either out or going through something after the break that will change a team #but the way they didn't have a consistent bench didn't help #and part of that is players and part of it is the flexibility you want to use when you have so many players on 7 days or minimums #and taking bec out of the line up makes it really tough bc she is such a good defender and versatile player #and it's not like they couldn't lock in and defend. they could. it just didn't happen all the time #and the perimeter defense sucked #and the more i think about it the more i think they should have started celeste in that 4 spot even though she's smaller she can defend #and the other thing is it wasn't totally the roster bc like we were competitive in those last two games #but i think part of the issue came with the reliance on the 3. even though most of the time the ball movement was good #well it was good with the starters in. there was one shot clock violation in that last game with seattle... oof #so i guess what i'm saying is i'm curious if the coaching will be different next year with larger players and more defenders #but that paige shouts tash out at every opportunity #well 2. first it was the style [makes sense] then it was the 1 on 1 play #just because she wasn't the biggest name on the roster didn't mean she wasn't incredibly valuable #and to decide in one offseason that you want to burn it down and start fresh is wild to me #and i think their decision to do that made bg explore fa #but aside from the positional overlap this trade happened bc phx doesn't have any assets

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salsa-ishida · 1 month ago

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you're back!! it's been so long!! I missed you <3 <3

ahhhh I missed you too!! Life has been insistent on grinding me to a paste but we perservere

#life has been so so so hard <3 #i've never fully recovered from long covid so an average workday was leaving me absolutely drained #and on top of that i had an incident where i was trying to look into a prior auth for a patient #the kid was trans and cried on the phone because he was afraid his insurance wouldn't cover his testosterone now that trump had won #his doctor was at her wit's end because she had been assured on three separate occasions that the authorization was all set #so since it was literally a dead day at work anyway i spent about half an hour playing phone tag with the insurance #trying to find out what their mcfucking issue was #only to eventually be told they wouldn't speak to a representative from the pharmacy about it and that the prescriber had to make the call #so i did let the prescriber know and found a goodrx coupon that made the price like $20 #patient was thrilled and very grateful for the effort #(this was like. the day before christmas and his last chance to get his medicine before he had to travel.)#pharmacist however immediately jumped my shit when i hung up for ''wasting time''#despite the fact that there was??? literally no other work to do???#we had three other techs on and i was keeping up with the data entry as things came in while i was on the phone.#tried to defuse the situation by apologizing but she was literally top-of-her-lungs screaming at me #in front of my coworkers and the like 2 customers nearby. so loud that one person could hear her clearly from the bathroom #had worked with this woman for 5+ years and she was the reason i went to this particular pharmacy in the first place #left and texted my boss what happened and told her that this gets fixed or i'm out. had a meeting with the store manager and everything #told them i would have a conversation with her to see if we could move past this. and she refused to speak to me #so i quit and my bestie quit in solidarity and we have been job hunting except that we both also got sick as FUCK the next day #like vomiting shaking massive headache unable to function sick #his fever was like 104.7 at one point? it was ungood #i'm finally about 85% better and back on the job hunt but like. yeah #thought i had something lined up that would free me from the shackles of customer service but unfortunately the guy changed his mind #and the one pharmacy interview i had they wanted to pay me $10/hr 💀 homie that's a $9/hr pay decrease #so yeah life is a prison etc etc BUT not having a full time job anymore DOES mean #that i have the time and energy to tungl again without all the chronic exhaustion #silver linings!!!

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donovankinard · 1 month ago

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#and another thing. not to sound like a complete fuckin pick me but i'm generally not a huge fan of the way i look #and when i hung out with her my skin was peeling. bad. from a sunburn #and i was really not feeling like i was looking good at *all* and i said some really offhanded comment and she literally turned to face me #and was like 'you're not ugly. your skin is peeling. your body is healing stop being an asshole to it' and i Did Not Know How To Cope #and you know how you alwyas have that one friend who you really just trust? you just get it all out with? like i have my best friend who i-#-am undeniably closer with but whenever me and my crush hang out alone we always end up in really deep conversation #and when i start talking about the shows i like she listens. like she actually listens and she asks questions and she engages with what i'm #-saying #and she specifically asked what my favourite 1d songs were so that she could listen to them. and she's going to watch 911 as soon as shes-#-finished what shes watching now #and its like. i convinced one (1) friend to watch 911 and she only really did it because of 4x13 edit she saw on tiktok #this is someone who genuinely wants to engage with the things that i like. just because i like them.#and another thing i really didnt know when i would be over my last relationship because it was my first relationship and it was obvi a big-#-deal and this person was the only person who never made me feel like i jsut needed to get over it. two months after the breakup she was-#-still there for me still a listening ear even when everyone else assumed i was completely over it. and i mean now i'm over it ive moved on #-with my life but the fact that she was there for me when i really needed it counts for. so fucking much #halp. halp i'm in too deep #also. will i ever get up the nerve to ask her out? probably not. i have sincere doubts #although i hope i do it. one day i hope i do it because i really do like her.#txt !!

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youremyonlyhope · 10 months ago

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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

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dorkicon · 1 year ago

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bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind #for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at #and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years #only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down #despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down #so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen #and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it #and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first #--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl #bc of course they dont give a shit about the library #they just care about how scary the queers are #and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town #and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time #(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the #--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting #the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display #its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages #talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w #--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens #sourse: i was one of tgose #and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk #and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look #--elsewhere #bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater #--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education #i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too #but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in #--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on

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envolvenuances · 6 months ago

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love is stored in the kitchen for real

#cooked with my girlfriend yesterday (as in I cooked and she watched) her and her mother came to our father's day barbecue #was super nice #her mother is starting to not hate me. at some point she even complimented my family??? admitted they never had events with 'a good climate #I can tell how much it means her mother is making these moves. ma'am asked me my receipts and my love looked so emotional #didn't believe it myself she would at first. at the start my parents treated my girlfriend like another daughter #my own family has problems but it breaks my heart how lucky and privileged I am when it comes to family #how robbed of this we are #my brother in law's family (parents and sister with her husband and kids) all came but that's just a given my family always made big partie #but to us it's such a big thing #my girlfriend's roommate didn't come this time he was with the boyfriend too. but my gradnma asked about him like five times #but fuck father's days we actually made the event for the women who had to be mother and father #father's day barbecue that had three fathers and seven mothers sounds about right #but my family will never pass an excuse to use the backyard #.txt

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