#but I like the premise and can write more sexy stuff later

[mamayan]

Request: Male Minotaur Yandere x Female Human Childhood Sweetheart Reader

General Premise: Reader darling grew up as childhood friends with an adorable Minotaur neighbor. (She had to move away eventually and was unable to keep in touch with him, but they always remembered each other). He was really small and weak when he was young compared to other bulls of his species, so imagine her surprise when she meets him years later as an adult, and he’s fucking massive (in more ways than one…) He’s never letting her go again and is breeding/impregnating her constantly for the rest of her life. Making her his trophy wife/house wife too. (Sorry not sorry, I love babies and uxorious men who want nothing more than to seed me).

P.S. I feel like this man could either be like a farm boy…or like a rich, powerful man, who just confines reader to a large private island by Greece or something. Like…I’m so conflicted…

Also I love your stuff! Your sexy writing is the best and makes me go fish brain in the best way possible!

Love ,🧋🫖Anon

Oh my goodness 🧋🫖Anon—🫢♥️

Okay I wanna respond to this so you know I’m not ignoring~ This is so hot though?! I can’t do a full fic right now, but let’s do some headcanons cuz this has stewed in my brain.

NSFW under the cut!

Minotaur BF who you had to protect as children. Out in the country folk didn’t take kindly to those who were different, and as a human you felt badly your friend was being bullied by your own kind. Sure he wasn’t human, but his heart was kind and he was your friend! He was an outcast amongst his own too because he was a runt, treated badly every which way, except by you.

Minotaur BF who would hold your hand at night because he was scared of the thunder storms, who would cuddle up cutely beside you and sleep after you held him. He took to you like a little stray kitten, reliant on your kindness and friendship like a life raft.

Minotaur BF who nearly lost his mind when you left home, unable to comprehend why you would leave him. Didn’t you know he needed you? It wounded his soul but he comforted himself with your promise to come back. You had too after all.

Minotaur BF who sprouted up to nearly double the size of his peers. He’s not little anymore and doesn’t need you to protect him, it’s others who should worry for themselves. He’s not scared of crushing skulls if they push too far or intrude on his land. He’s a simple farmer after all, he just doesn’t like trouble.

Minotaur BF who rejoices when you return, even more beautiful and grown up. Who adores your shocked expression because he towers over you now, and he wants you to praise him for growing so well. Now he can protect you, provide for you, care for you, breed you.

Minotaur BF who won’t let you leave back to your big city again. You said you’d come back, why would he let you run away again? Your tears won’t sway this monster, and you aren’t strong enough to resist his gentle but firm hold on you. You won’t be going anywhere but his bed. You’d better get comfortable, because this big male wants you in every way.

Minotaur BF with an enormous cock that trumps whoever or whatever toys you used in that big city away from him. Your cute cunt won’t be able to take him without an absurd amount of prep, and he’s more than happy to put that work in for you. His wide long tongue swirling inside of you, glossing you up in spit and saliva and making an absolute mess of your lower body. His big fingers prying your little hole open to stretch, making you cum until you pass out and waking again being spearing on his wiggling muscle as he devours you. He’s not afraid to slip his tongue further to your tight ring of muscle and lick there either, he’s ready to worship every inch of your body.

Minotaur BF who can cook, making you the most mouth watering home made meals with ingredients he grew or slaughtered, because he wants you healthy and happy for when he breeds you. 

Minotaur BF who is still the sweetest and most considerate as long as you don’t try to leave. Who wants to spoil you endlessly and fill your womb with hot sprays of his cum because you look too cute like that. You want that dress, game, etc.? He’ll get it for you, don’t you worry. He’s got you covered, literally. :3

Minotaur BF who finally gets your tight little hole to fit all of him, it took a lot of work and energy but when you’re drooling and fucked out on his meaty rod, it satisfies something primal in him. He fucks you slow and gently, because you can’t handle him entirely yet, but he loves you dearly anyway. He’s all to happy to take you apart slowly, rubbing your clit while you cream his cock and lower half with your arousal and release as he lightly rocks his hips. It still leaves you reeling, even the act of him pulling out slowly takes your breath away, has you clawing at his chest or horns and mewling.

Minotaur BF who pumps you so full of cum it’s like a solo bukkake porno, the level of fluid he releases in one orgasm unimaginable. You feel him filling you up because he’s overflowing from your womb and out, making a mess that only spurs him on to do it again. It leaves him wild and lubricates you up to take him again, his swollen balls ready to take on the task.

Minotaur BF who will intentionally replace your birth control with placebos, because he dreams of having a family with you as soon as possible.

Dividers/ @benkeibear

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

I’m going to be writing my first novel (original fiction) and I’m already stressing myself out about creating good prose and character dynamics. I have so many ships that I admire and I can tell so much thought went into their dialogue and backgrounds but how are writers writing thousands of words a day with that type of thoughtful writing?? AHHHHH. I think I could only write like 200 words a day to create stuff with the depth of character that I love and want for my own writing

I think your fanfic is good so that’s why I’m asking 🙂‍↕️

That’s really exciting!! Good luck!

Writing is very much a cumulative skill in my experience, the more you write the easier it will be to balance the various elements of plot, prose, character, etc. You’ll also just get a better handle on the patterns of these things. It’ll be easier to quickly formulate plots, to make interesting character choices without having to think about it as hard. So definitely, don’t get discouraged if you’re struggling with the balancing act now! The more you work on it, the more naturally it will come to you.

That being said, a big part of writing efficiently is having a good method. The saying that you can’t edit a blank page is very true. Stressing over getting everything perfect on the first try is just going to needlessly slow you down. Just get it done, and then you can fix it later!

For original projects, I personally like to outline heavily before the drafting process. And then I use that as a roadmap during drafting. Once I have a draft, I go over it several times with a particular focus for each pass (subplots, nailing character arcs, worldbuilding details, etc)

I think it’s just really important to work with purpose. Otherwise you can get lost in the weeds.

Re: character dynamics and dialogue, I think dialogue tends to come organically from character. And then character itself should go hand in hand with plot/premise.

It’s a bit of a chicken or the egg scenario, but I think it’s important to nail down what kind of story you’re trying to tell and what characters can best carry that. I do think that theme is really *really* important, and that’s how you get a cohesive, compelling story as opposed to ten tropes in a trenchcoat.

But yeah like basic questions, who are your characters, what are their arcs? Can you sketch out a basic starting point and end point for them and meaningfully talk about how they’re meant to change? Are these changes cohesive?

Good ships are good because they have interesting premises, conflicts, and interactions. You need to make sure everything is solid on a conceptual level. So much of writing advice rn is like “throw in a dagger to the throat scene, that’s sexy” but like shfhff what does it fucking mean! There needs to be a point to sexy scenes. And vulnerable moments need to be earned. A relationship needs to develop from somewhere.

It’s way more important to flesh out what about the characters are appealing or disruptive to each other, where they align and clash, and to make sure it makes sense, than to write perfect dialogue.

I’m very much a proponent of getting the foundation right and then fixing the aesthetic dressings later. My first drafts, my dialogue is usually in short hand, just to get the gist of it down, and my prose is pretty dry. There’s always room to fix that stuff later.

But yeah my personal tips:

Outline as much as you can! it’s easier to rewrite an outline than an entire book. And you’ll have to rewrite the book multiple times anyway, so might as well make it a bit easier for yourself. I like to personally have a shorter birds eye view outline, and then one that goes into scene level detail. But also I am insane. So, use whatever level of detail works for you.

Be aware of why you make every choice in your story. Could be because of a theme, because you want to set up a later plotline, or because it’s cool. Whatever the reason just make sure you know! That makes it easier to weigh any potential changes against each other, and to figure out your priorities. But also to tell if any elements end up becoming superfluous over your editing process. if you introduced scene A to set up scene B and you end up cutting B, then A doesn’t need to exist anymore.

Each scene should have an arc! You don’t need to outline scenes if you don’t want to (… I like to) but make sure there’s movement in them. My personal rule of thumb is that a scene needs to accomplish at least three things to justify its existence. Those things can be developing character, particular relationships, a subplot, the main plot, or just showcasing a fun setting, but I just like to make sure that multiple things are happening to be efficient.

Start out with high concepts and recognizable tropes (if you want!) but once you get into the details, then you need to aim for specificity. Specificity is so important, that’s where things get interesting. Similarly, characters are most endearing for their flaws and vulnerability. A character written to be generically likeable is less interesting and memorable than a specific character.

Also, be aware of each character’s perspective, both over the course of the story, but also in every scene. What are their goals? How much do they know, what are their impression of events, and how do they want to present themselves to others? Particularly for side characters, is there anything they need to react to that you might not have considered?

This might all sound unrelated to writing quickly, but in my experience the better understanding you have of your story and your characters, the easier it is to draft. That way, you’ve done all the thinking beforehand, so you don’t need to pause and figure everything out as you write!

[bluecatwriter]

Director's cut: An Excellent and Comforting Word and/or An Excellent and Comforting Night!

Ahaha, thank you for this! I loooove talking about my writing so you get both. ;)

"An Excellent and Comforting Word:" In an AU where Jack Seward brought his phonograph to Varna, he speaks into his diary on October 25th about the comfort of the word "Euthanasia." Unfortunately, he should've locked his door first.

"An Excellent and Comforting Night:" After the events of "An Excellent and Comforting Word," Mina and Arthur notice that Jonathan and Jack won't even look at each other, and they resolve to do something about that.

(Readers beware: this is about a smutfic)

-"An Excellent and Comforting Word" was only the sixth fic I ever published on Ao3, and it started with a very simple premise, inspired by a Tumblr post positing that it was good Jack wasn't reading his journal aloud right now. But the more I wrote and brainstormed, the more the whole concept got away from me.

-In the first chapter, we have Jack's perspective, speaking into his phonograph and waxing poetic about euthanasia. Like you do. 

-While I wasn't being too serious in this fic, I did try not to make it become all Jonathan threatening him all the time— despite All That, Jonathan is still a sweetheart, and has a bit more mastery over himself than that (though it pained me to not include any sexy Jonathan-holding-a-blade-to-Jack's-throat… yet).

-You can tell this is early in my fanfic career because Jonathan refers to Seward as "Jack," which is just… like, entirely too intimate for their relationship. (In my later fics, even in a version of events where they're sleeping together, the most he ever calls him is "John.") I had a bit to learn about Victorian name conventions!

-Jack being horny about Jonathan threatening him was sort of a throwaway at first, but then a combination of rereading the scene, brainstorming, and seeing people's comments made me think, "Hmm, maybe I should follow this thread and see where it leads me…"

-It was a couple weeks before I posted chapter two, but the idea wouldn't leave my head. This time we're in Jonathan's perspective, which was a lot of fun to write because I decided to make him as oblivious as possible. That's one of my favorite things about limited perspective: you can have the character be like, "What's going on? Why is so-and-so acting so weird?" and meanwhile the audience feels very smug because we know EXACTLY what is going on.

-The thought of Jack poking at Jonathan, hoping to get him angry enough to slam him against a wall, is still one of my favorite headcanons for the Varna sequence. Meanwhile, Mina is like, "Jonathan, you must be kind to him! Don't get angry!" and Jonathan is doing his best to obey her. It's just the perfect build-up for some truly unhinged stuff.

-In this chapter I was able to figure out how to get Jonathan to hold a blade to Jack's throat (sexy), even for a moment. Jack taking drugs before trying to proposition Jonathan was inspired by the amazing fic "Sanguis Vitam". At this point I began to ask myself, "What is the most unhinged thing Jack could do?" and then have him do it.

-Drugged-up Jack profusely apologizing while kissing Jonathan's neck and Jonathan's "What the hell is wrong with you?" is still one of my favorite moments in any of my fics. These kinds of ridiculous situations is what fanfic is for. XD

-Jonathan's having a big bisexual awakening here, and I tried to show that he's doing his best to do the right thing (stay true to Mina and also not make out with someone who's currently high) even as he's so discombobulated that it takes him a moment to pull away.

-I was happy to give Arthur and Quincey both a little cameo in this fic, as well as to imply that the Suitors are in a relationship. Arthur "it's okay if my friend gives me a passionate kiss in front of someone else" Holmwood always brings a certain level of chill to the story.

-In both this and the next fic, I made it very explicit that Jonathan and Mina are bangin'— this is not Jonathan getting desperate because he's not getting any. And even though at this point I wasn't sure I was writing a sequel, I wanted to plant the seeds of Mina being cool— and even somewhat aroused— by the thought of him being with someone else. It was inevitable that another part of the story was coming…

-And just like that, we have Bluecat's First Proper Smutfic (I'd written another explicit story before this one, but that one just had a single blowjob amid heaps of angst)! This one took FOREVER to write, not only because I discovered that smut was very hard to write, but because it took me a while to figure out exactly how I wanted it to go. Originally Quincey was going to join them, but I scrapped that idea because 1) it made the fic lose focus, especially since Quincey hadn't really been in the fic much before now, and 2) my common sense was like OMG NO WE ARE NOT ADDING MORE HANDS AND LIPS AND BODIES INTO THIS LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE

-I was happy to sneak in some Arthur & Mina scheming as they try to get their partners to make up and make out. Although I have shipped Arthur and Mina in some fics, my favorite way to write them is as ride-or-die friends who think that they have a normal brother-sister relationship but actually do not fight nearly enough for that.

-I decided to have Arthur leave because in this canon he's expressed that he thinks of Jonathan in a familial way, so it would've felt weird for him to be there (and I doubt Mina would've been able to enjoy it as much with her adopted brother sitting right there). Mina got to stay because I liked the dynamic of her watching both of them and heightening the experience for everyone involved.

-The blocking on this one drove me batty. Not only was I inexperienced writing smut, but it gets pretty acrobatic here— they're not even on a bed, just wildly knocking over furniture and wrangling on the floor and pushing each other up against the wall. I definitely could've chosen an easier way for me to break into writing smut, but oh well. I'm still pretty happy with how it turned out.

-I was ridiculously nervous that I'd written the sex too rough, so I took pains to make sure there was lots of good aftercare and snuggling. Again, a lot of this was inexperience, but I remember seriously getting some pretty bad anxiety when I finally hit "publish." Fortunately, everyone in the comments were super nice and encouraging, and BlueCat's Smut Career on Ao3 was born.

-I am still very happy with the epilogue, written from Van Helsing's perspective as he internally gripes about the orgies going on while he has to pretend that he's too oblivious to notice. This scene was a non-negotiable part of the story. ;)

Again, thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble about this one!

(Ask game here)

[derfisch]

okay, I said I was gonna do it! below the cut:

a brief review of every anime I watched this season (no battle shounens, guaranteed)

there are 11 that I watched! wow!

to start with, I watched some less recent anime:

Fruits Basket (2019)

I can see why this one is a classic. if the original is anything like the new one (I haven't watched that either), this is held together by excellent, deep character writing and a fantastic sense of place that never falters. the main character, whose archetype of "ditzy genki girl" would usually be written as very one-dimensional and fluffy, has loads of interesting facets of her personality, and goes through plenty of character growth along with everyone else around her, all without feeling the need to make her less girly or compromising her agency in any way.

for negatives, the humor fell flat more often than not, and the melodrama felt a little heavy handed, especially toward the end when they need you to know The Stakes Are High. I'm also unsure how I feel about how it decided to portray some really incesty relationships? but as a CCS enjoyer it's not like I can complain too much there, lol

despite those flaws though, I would still absolutely recommend it to anyone looking for a good drama. I found it pretty good for sleepytime watching too, if you need something like that.

My Roommate Is A Cat

while I did like it a lot, there's not a whole lot to say about it. I like all the characters, even though they don't go too deep. it's fun, it's cute, and it's funny. there's a cat. I like the bits where we get to see from the cat's point of view, and they totally misunderstand the situation. it's not the prettiest anime out there, but I'd still give it a watch if you have the time for a short one

Love Stage!!

absolutely gutted by this one. as a BL anime from about a decade ago, there's a genre-required sexual assault scene. I cannot recommend it to anyone on that basis alone. this is not a triggering subject matter for me, and I was made deeply uncomfortable by it

which really, really sucks, because outside of that I'm super into its characters and its scenario. the tonal whiplash between the sexy seme raping the innocent uke and a few episodes later when he's genuinely regretful of it, and they actually have to work through their feelings over what happened, I appreciated it so much. and even outside of that, the relationship between the two is really interesting. the character writing is super strong, and the conclusion is satisfying and somehow feels earned

if you're absolutely sure you can handle the uncomfortable stuff, maybe give it a watch. otherwise, there's much better gay media out there for you that doesn't subject you to uncomfortable shit like that

Oshi no Ko

I literally cannot tell you anything about this other than you have to watch this. even if you don't give a shit about idols. I'm serious. watch the entire first episode (and I mean the whole thing! don't quit halfway through), and you'll probably know if it's for you or not. but it is gorgeous, and the storytelling and characters are phenomenal. there's a reason no one will shut up about it. I am chomping at the bit for season 2, and the only reason I'm not going to read the manga is the anime is so beautiful

A Herbivorous Dragon of 5,000 Years Gets Unfairly Villainized

[kenny lauderdale voice] is chinese animation anime?

I remember my roommate watching the first episode of this with me around when Dragon Goes House Hunting was airing, to compare the two, and he ultimately passed on it. with that no longer fresh in my mind though, I went back and gave it another shot, and I'm glad I did

it's really short, the usual 12 episodes of a season being made up of 15-minute episodes. the characters don't have a lot of room to breathe, and the story doesn't have enough time to build on its premise for the climax to feel justified. but despite that, I loved the characters themselves, and their interactions with each other. The humor was pretty good, and I found the main duo super endearing. It's not much of a time commitment, so you don't have much to lose by giving this one a shot. oh, and watch Dragon Goes House Hunting too when you're done

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years Of Virginity Can Make You A Wizard?!

[kenny lauderdale voice again] is live action drama anime?

I saw this recommended a lot when I went looking into popular BL drama. maybe I expect too much from my media, but I wasn't really into this. the main character has barely any personality beyond "anxious wreck," and his love interest comes across as a bit creepy, but otherwise not very interesting. In fact, it takes a flashback for us to really have any hint of why the love interest likes the main character at all. this is also peak "why do japanese dramas have such ridiculous acting"

I couldn't really bring myself to finish it. I made it about 2/3 through, seeing if it got better, but I just really couldn't go on any longer

What Did You Eat Yesterday?

another drama! this one was much, much better. it starts with the couple already together, and focuses more on how they cohabitate and work on their relationship. the characters in this feel very real, and their scenarios never feel particularly contrived or unnatural. also, it features characters who are properly middle aged, which is pretty rare for Japanese media in general, let alone BL

this was the hardest one to watch though, because it's only available on Netflix and it's blocked in my country! I couldn't find a good site to pirate it either, so I had to use a VPN. I hope it becomes more easily available some day

now, into the newer stuff:

My Happy Marriage

what interested me about this is it billed itself as a "historical drama," which is surprisingly rare for a culture that seems to have no problem commodifying its history. unfortunately, that's only half true. the setting seems to have one foot in meiji-era japan, and the other in a poorly explained fantasy setting with nonsensical magic powers

I could put up with that, except I really can't stand the characters either. the main character is Tradwife Prime, who's incapable of mustering an ounce of agency except to simp for the man she was forced to marry by her very abusive parents. said husband is nice, but bland as they come. she has a sister who is a huge jerk seemingly just to mess with her.

it has two things going for it: there is some catharsis in seeing husband guy treat this poor woman right, and also it's drawn and animated really well.

maybe it gets better after the first half, but I dropped it about halfway through. if you are the straightest, most misogynistic man, who only sees value in media that reinforces your pitiful worldview, and think all women should exist to be subservient to their husbands, maybe watch it. except even they probably shouldn't, or they'll risk feeling inferior to the most boring man on the planet. but maybe watch it if you like pretty pictures, and don't have a functional brain? or just watch it in a language you don't understand, I guess. make up your own story! you'll probably do better than the writers

Yohane the Parahelion

I watched this because, I kinda liked love live when I watched it a while back, and I thought putting the girls in a fantasy setting sounded neat. also, there's a cute dog, and I wanted to see more of the cute dog

unfortunately, the story is too busy expositing about the characters themselves and their nothing personalities to tell us about the setting, which feels underutilized. every few episodes, there's a hint at some spooky magic stuff happening, which is then stopped after a couple minutes to go back to light drama and fluff

and I started out liking the dog, who kinda feels like a big sister character, but that's literally her entire personality, and I got bored with her after a while, and the show itself just as quickly. it feels like a story yohane (the one in the love live world) wrote herself while she was bored, without consulting an editor or anything. can't recommend unless you really like looking at the cute dog

Sweet Reincarnation

this is a bad anime. I can't believe I watched it all the way through

the premise sounds fun. a patissier gets sent to the shadow realm and then gets isekai'd into life as a prince in generic fantasy world (do all these isekais take place on the same world, you think?), and is totally unhinged about turning the world into a sugar utopia under his command

what are the implications of this? the consequences? we'll never find out, because instead he just does really boring political drama shit. also he's like really good at diplomacy and negotiation for some reason? I don't think candy makers normally have to do that

it's kind of a shame because there are brief moments where the anime remembers what its stupid premise is, and those are genuinely fun. dude bankrupts the treasury buying fucking apples or whatever. uses his OP isekai power to invent irrigation and scare the shit out of everyone in the surrounding area. super fun stuff. but it lasts like 3 minutes every episode, and then it goes back to boring shit

also more arranged marriage, and this time it's with 10 year olds! no commentary whatsoever on how fucked up that is either, main character who is mentally about 30 years old at this point, totally stoked about his actual 10 year old wife to be. real normal shit

you already know it's shit though, right? you don't watch isekais to see a good anime anymore, right? you'll watch your garbage anime and you'll enjoy it anyway, right? okay

The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today

I love this anime. it follows the lead that Campfire Cooking in Another World with My Absurd Skill took of living life with a gruff, much more capable giant animal domestic partner. but instead of a cool magic wolf, yukichi is the masterful cat in question, and he fills the role of what I can only describe as the perfect house husband, with some sass and kitty antics included. he's also a big soft boy, which naturally gets bonus points from me

the series is pure slice of life. I haven't read the manga, but you can feel where the chapters begin and end within episodes, which makes them feel like short vignettes, rather than full stories. that's all this anime needs to convey its characters though! everyone feels well fleshed out, and their interesting personalities shine through

I do have 2 content warnings though: one, the main character ends up drinking alcohol a lot. you might know this is a trigger for me in certain scenarios, and this did make me uncomfortable. I was able to manage because the scenes in question are so short and tend to avoid portraying it as much more than an annoyance for yukichi, but if you're more sensitive to it than me, you're gonna have a rough time. second, probably less serious, but in an episode, the main character gains a bit of weight (which you would never guess by looking at her, but you'll have to trust the writers lol) and they make a big deal about her having to diet and exercise. might be kind of uncomfortable for some people who are used to having their weight pathologized, so feel free to skip that bit.

aside from those two complaints though, I really recommend this anime! it's super fun and really sweet

I ended up really watching a lot this season! I hope next season has some good ones too

[eternalpassions]

wouldn't it have made more sense if she was with zero first and then meets kaname later. we know kaname is irresistable and would understand why the confusion and not be able to choose zero 100 % lol. It doesn't make sense that she fell in love with a dark and mysterious pureblood vampire king first but still whines about some downgrade mofo who she was friends with and is giving kaname a headache on that. shouldn't it have been the other way around LMAO? Like you are with a man of fantasy, a man out of your league? Shouldn't you be completely obsessed with him? how does mofo zero get so many pages in vk and vkm? Hino needs to get her priorties straight. It should've been the opposite. She fucked up the whole plot. Ruined the fantasy.

Hello,

Yea I often think about stuff like this. Usually there is the “nice guy” vs the “dangerous guy who seduces you”. Like I know some people say zero has bad boy appeal, but let’s be real. He doesn’t. He ain’t shit like that 😂

Kaname is the man you can’t help but be drawn to. He is the one who is the magnet for good girls! That’s why I was into this manga at first and why I still stick around despite knowing it’s gone. Kaname was the dream guy that with the darkness inside him that appeals to good girls. I related a lot to Yuuki in that regard! She was thirsty! I was like finally a story where the sexy erotic dangerous guy is crazy about the plain good girl too! Kaname is for the female gaze let’s be real even if u hate him it’s true common. So it doesn’t make sense that Yuuki would even entertain zero when already having the pureboood king at her knees lmao. Like really? That’s like having diamonds and still whining about pebbles lol. I feel bad for being so harsh with Zero even tho I don’t like him lol… I know some very cool Zero fans. But xD

I read a theory that said Zero was never supposed to exist. And that was the editor that wanted him to exist cuz she liked him so much and wanted a love triangle .I also think Hino doesn’t know how to write a romance when the two leads already have attraction for each other. Maybe she thinks there isn’t much else to tell. So she focused the story more on Zero and Yuuki because she literally didn’t see him as anything more than a brother at first and it fills the pages. Then she meant to have Kaname and Yuuki end up together but by then people grew attached to zeki’s development and missed the point of yume.

I truly don’t think zero was supposed to be that relevant but Hino extended his role to milk the manga lol. That’s why arc 2 and vkm make no sense. I think he was supposed to fufill his purpose to kill Rido and either die or stay chasing Yuuki for eternity to try to kill her. Let’s be real, this guy was never supposed to end up with Yuuki, Hino changed it to please the interpretations of what Zekis took out of the story lol

Hino is an idiot but she’s a Kaname simp. She just chose money and to play it safe over Kaname 😂but yea I would’ve loved this story more if basically the premise changed lol. I love the idea in canon that Kaname saved Yuuki when she was a child with no memories or anything and the story begins and ends with them. But this approach didn’t end up working so well. Like you said, it would’ve been better if she was with zero first and then she meets Kaname second and falls for him despite knowing she shouldn’t. And then their development of their attraction building and then it coming together and exploding. I just like this approach more of Yuuki and Kaname being the main protagonists while Zero plays a smaller role in this “love triangle”. Maybe we can still keep the they were destined all along theme of Yuuki regains her memory that it’s actually Kaname she met first long ago. Or maybe we can still keep Kaname watching over her being a silent protector but he made sure not to interact with her until destiny had them meet again. Damn if, now I’m seriously thinking of writing a fanfic like this 😂

Like I think it’s a shame the fantasy was ruined because society is so used to identifying with nice guys and “underdog” men. Like this isn’t real life! We’re allowed to have stories where we get the unattainable guy to look our way! Lmao. What’s the point of ruining the fantasy with a downgrade! Irl most of us end up with the downgrade anyway I want some good escapism fiction 😂

Or like Hino could’ve taken lessons from Stephanie Meyer who never detracted from her vision. She was able to write a love triangle with meeting the dark broody erotic guy first then falling for the good guy but loving and choosing the first guy and it worked out well. I think it all came down to Hino’s flaw of focusing on Zeki’s development first lol. That was her downfall

Thanks

[fefairys]

17.) describe the “required reading” to understand your vision. be as pretentious as possible.

wow this asker seems really cool and sexy everyone should go follow him omg... haha but fr i just wanted to talk abt this one and theres nothing u can do to stop me. this got long >:)

homestuck of course. homestuck is required reading for literally anything i make, just to better understand where i'm coming from as a person even if it never comes up in the thing itself. but for psy specifically, it comes up A LOT especially when it comes to quadrants. these guys relationships are so fucking quadrant-pilled its insane.

even though its based off of saiki k, i honestly dont consider saiki k "required reading" as much as the rest of the stuff im listing here. like, at worst, knowing saiki k will just mean you know which bits we stole and how unoriginal the whole thing is lmao. but i still recommend it. its fun.

death note is a huge one. surprisingly so. we did not plan that from the beginning lmao but we rewatched death note like right before(/during? idk) writing to get closer to jett's character, and we ended up putting a LOT of death note parallels into it. watching death note will not only help u understand jett as a person better, but will support your analysis of the comic itself better. it all about death note, bro. only knowing the basic premise of death note does NOTHING u have to know the intricacies to know what the hell im talking about. we've already seen this a little bit. "what would L say?" that line is the start of Everything.

the truman show! not as huge as death note, but there are a lot of themes carried over and a lot of inspiration. and it's psy's favorite movie! i wont talk about this one too much bc psy will do that later. but something psy fails to consider is how the comic itself is sort of truman show-ing them lol. they dont even think about it, or really see it that way because they [think they] are the one controlling it. but yeah.

specifically for understanding melody: legally blonde (the movie) because it cracked her egg. other than that i dont think it's THAT thematically relevant but u could definitely make some cases for that as well. (make some cases. get it. lawyer joke.)

specifically for understanding tate: his playlist. because psy is in control of the narrative, tate isn't allowed to be shown as sympathetically as We actually see him. his main Traumas that inform who he is as a person are almost never touched on, only ever vaguely hinted at. but you can learn a LOT more about him if you listen to his playlist and pay attention to the lyrics.

honestly, give a listen to everyone's playlists and pay attention to the lyrics. there's a LOT of analysis to be done there. (though keep in mind some of the songs r just on there cuz they're songs the characters like and have nothing to do with them thematically lol. fun game figuring out which is which!) (actually i made a chart for that lol)

[funnywormz]

Well OK what kind of a person would I be if I didn't say 002 rimster for that ask game

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO THANK U ANON

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you...

when i started shipping them:

honestly very very recently lol. i can't remember exactly but i think abt 2-3 months ago? ik their dynamic was definitely entertaining to me from the start and there were moments that made me go like "👀" sometimes (bc im a gayass hopeless romantic so im always kinda subconsciously on the lookout for fun characters to ship ig lol), but i started getting genuinely rlly invested in the ship roughly when i watched dimension jump for the first time. something abt seeing rimmer get so jealous and catty abt lister and ace i suppose.......... hehe

my thoughts

i mean obviously i think they're great lol. i am nuts abt them. they're both such fun characters and their dynamic together is just wonderful and iconic and hilarious. even platonically they're just like...... a duo to me. ik all of the dwarfers are a set (Do Not Separate Them) but lister and rimmer especially just go together. it doesn't feel right to talk abt one without mentioning the other. they're just lister and rimmer yknow......... regardless of whether they're friends or lovers i just love them together and love it when they interact

what makes me happy about them

SO MANY THINGS....... the ship does bring a lot of comfort to me bc despite their arguments and the insults that get thrown around they do really care abt each other and it becomes pretty obvious in later seasons. the opposites attract/sun and moon thing they have going on is so endearing to me as well.......... i get so much serotonin from the little moments of honest affection they have for each other in the show.

i think they can be a source of comfort for each other as well, not always in an obvious way but they just keep each other grounded, they're each a reassuring constant in the other's life yknow? also they're both very relatable to me in their own different ways so i would be lying if i said there wasn't an aspect of projection in it as well lol

what makes me sad about them:

the answer to this one is also Many Things......... sometimes they are genuinely just Mean to each other and it makes me a bit sad. and just. lister's childhood and his loneliness and depression and likewise rimmer's childhood and self hatred...... idk they're just both very saddening guys at times, im not even gonna lie. i wish that they'd both allow themselves to be more vulnerable with each other and more open abt their feelings sometimes but ik there are plenty of reasons why that's hard for them. ig it's more their characters separately that make me sad mostly rather than their relationship with each other though, if that makes sense

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

this is a rlly specific personal pet peeve but i kinda dislike it when ppl rlly exaggerate lister's accent in fic. like when they write his speech out as "rimmah" instead of "rimmer" and that sort of thing lol. it's fine in small amounts or if it's a purely comedic fic but if im reading a more emotionally poignant (or sexy) fic and the author has changed the spelling of every second word lister says i just have to exit outta there sorry. for me i feel like since we all know what he sounds like then trying to write out his pronunciation that way just seems awkward and silly. this is by no means an objective thing just personal preference.

it's also a pet peeve of mine when lister gets kinda sidelined or his characterisation gets messed around with in favour of the author basically using him as a self insert bc they're horny for rimmer. it doesn't come up often but when it does it annoys me......... ik rimmer is everyone's special little boy but i love lister too and i don't like to see him get ignored or undervalued like that

things i look for in fanfic:

honestly just an interesting premise really! basically the stuff i look for in any literature, like strong characterisation, a fun plot etc...........

my wishlist:

idk exactly what this one entails? if it means stuff i wish i could see in the show, ig i'd just like to see more sweet genuine moments between them (like the moonlight scene). idk if i would actually want there to be a canon romantic relationship between them, like yeah i ship them so much but ig i just wouldn't want it to be forced or executed weirdly. basically i just want to see more of them exactly as they are now, except maybe they should be nicer to each other sometimes. OH ALSO i need to see deb and arlene again so fucking bad

who i'd be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other:

this one is tough bc there honestly aren't many romantic prospects for either of them lol. i def wouldn't be comfortable with a romantic relationship between either of them and any of the other dwarfers, just personal taste. i personally view rimmer as a closeted confused gay man so i wouldn't be that comfy seeing him with a female character either so that rules out pretty much everyone for him haha.........

for lister, although i love kochanski and his friendship with her, i don't like the idea of them being "endgame" bc it would feel forced at this point and just...... uncomfortable. honestly i can't imagine feeling comfortable with any other relationships for rimmer/lister being canon lol. i just prefer the idea of them both being single in canon i suppose, sorry lads. it's funny bc in most fandoms im a chronic multishipper but with red dwarf im kinda like rimster or die basically lmao 🤷‍♂️

my happily ever after for them:

basically just the same as they are now but married and in love LOL.

also they need to finally get a proper bed to sleep in together and get out of those goddamn bunks, 1) because i want them to cuddle and 2) lister is in his 50s now and those bunks can't be very comfortable or ergonomic, i am worried abt the state of his back lol. it's not much, ig in the end i just want them to stay together and be happy together. since there seems to be technology that exists to sustain multiple holograms that they've found on other ships, maybe once lister finally dies they could be holograms together and travel the stars together forever....... or maybe the opposite would happen and rimmer would shut himself off so they can just be at peace together. ough sorry this got sad im getting emotional

anyways tldr i just want them to stay exactly the same but openly in gay love and also sharing a proper actual bed. that's it

[naivemlnd]

Fat Weight Loss Camp

Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale

This story includes: Fat Camp, Weight again, Failed Diets, Camp Counselor Derek, Chubby Stiles

Ok this idea is 100% inspired by @achubbydumpling and their amazing fat camp series (which you should read!!)

*

At 16, Stiles was recommended to a ‘weight loss camp’ by his doctor.

“You’re already about 80 lbs overweight. And from what I hear,” the doctor glanced at Stiles’ dad, “you aren’t likely to lose this weight without help.”

No way. Absolutely no way, this couldn't happen.

Stiles tried to argue, to get his dad to see reason. He couldn’t go, they’d starve him to death!! But even Stiles couldn’t deny the truth. He had problems. Self control was simply not his strong suit. He’d tried dieting. Plenty of times. But whatever measly amount of weight he managed to lose would always pile back on in a matter of weeks.

And Stiles’ father clearly didn’t know how to help his son. With him being the Sheriff and all, he wasn’t home too often to cook healthy foods or monitor Stiles during his many dieting attempts. Plus, Sheriff Stilinksi could hardly boil water let alone cook, and so they lived off of takeout and junk.

And so Stiles had gone from fluffy to chubby to properly fat in the years since his mother’s death.

So he went to fat camp weight loss camp.

The first day was awkward. There was a beautiful view, though. Stiles could appreciate that the camp was on Hale Lake, with shining blue waters surrounded by gorgeous green woods.

Stiles was surrounded by other fat adolescents, boys and girls all intermixed. No one was particularly friendly, but Stiles talked enough (he rarely shut up the whole day) that people generally started to enjoy his company.

His counselor Derek however, was rude. He was also drop dead gorgeous, should-be-in-a-magazine kind of handsome, so hot Stiles wanted to lick whipped cream off of his abs.

But that was beside the point.

Derek was a hardass, always trying to get his group to do more workouts, to push themselves, and by the end of week 1, Stiles thought he was actually going to die.

He didn’t die. But he also didn’t lose any weight.

“That’s normal,” the nurse said while Stiles stared down at the ‘292’ on the electronic scale. “It takes a few weeks to see real progress.”

Well, a lot can happen in a few weeks.

Because by week four, Stiles had cracked a little bit of the mystery that was Derek Hale. Stiles had realized after hours of pestering, of annoying, that he could get Derek to smile. Then eventually laugh.

And since Derek was never hanging out with the other counselors, Stiles decided to befriend him.

It took a bit of awkwardness, and a lot of small talk, to get Derek to open up. But he did.

And Derek revealed that he was only working here this year as a punishment. Because he was Derek Hale. Hale as in Hale Lake, in which this summer camp resided.

“Wait, so your parents own this place too?” Stiles asked.

Derek scratched the back of his head and looked away. “Yeah, I usually work at the baseball camp across the lake. But I pissed mom off so I’m here for the summer instead.”

Stiles felt his eyebrows rise.

“So you’re rich huh?”

Derek shot Stiles an annoyed look, to which Stiles held up his hands in surrender.

“I just meant, since you can afford it, I’d appreciate it if you could hook a guy up with some real food. I’ve been deprived for a whole month.” Stiles scratched at his tummy, puffing it out a bit for effect.

Derek was effected, but he didn’t laugh like Stiles expected. He blushed.

There was a pregnant silence before Stiles started compulsively talking to ease the tension.

But the next day, Derek slyly handed Stiles a warm bag of Wendy's and nodded his head towards the woods, away from where he and his bunk were supposed to have free time.

Stiles stuffed his face with spicy nuggets, a baconater, and fries, hidden behind a tree in the woods. He shook the bag into his mouth, hoping to get all the crumbs.

This was not his finest moment. But god, the food had been so good!

After that, Derek started bringing more treats, and more often. Stiles always greedily gobbled them down. It became obvious that if this continued, that by the end of camp that Stiles was going to weigh more than he had when he arrived.

He hoped no one would notice.

"313," the nurse said. She shook her head. She'd been puzzling over Stiles and his weight problem for the past three weeks. She continued to lower his daily calorie limit, but he still kept gaining.

"Must be my metabolism," Stiles suggested.

She didn't look convinced, but said, "Better keep your exercise up then."

"Of course," Stiles replied, thinking of his couch and video games back home.

"Well, it wasn't so bad was it?" Sheriff Stilinski said once Stiles was checked out.

"No, it was actually sort of fun."

Stiles couldn't wait until next year.

[ashenpages]

Current Projects & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer: I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my works will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah.

This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

Support my original work on Ko-fi and Patreon.

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍  These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes) (WIP)

Jigen/Lupin, but it's Jigen deciding to seduce Lupin while wearing his own Lupin disguise. The thief is waaaaay too into it, and some artistry is taken with the sex so that they don't mess up the disguise too much during their encoutner.

Jigen/Zenigata/Lupin where Jigen has some fantasices about Zenigata, but is pretty sure they'll never happen. Tells Lupin about them. Suddenly the fantasies are coming true, in the middle of a heist, and Jigen doesn't what to do except get swept up in the moment and enjoy. Plot twist, it's Lupin dressed up as Zenigata granting all his gunman's dreams. Plot twist again, Zenigata catches them at it.

Zenigata/Lupin, where Lupin keeps doing good things in illegal ways and Pops has to find a way to punish him for it. Good thing for Pops Lupin's a masochist?

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

The one time Zenigata caught Lupin in an alley and kissed him and it was Jigen in disguise. Things get sexy anyway, and Zenigata has crushes on two thieves now. Lupin and Jigen "kidnap" him later for an evening of taking care of their inspector.

The background plot of Jigen's Gravestone where we see Jigen think he's done for and try to leave Lupin. Our thief has none of it, and we get to relish in the inherent eroticism of Lupin sitting in sniper fire, knowing Jigen's got his back. This is the moment I think Jigen finally believes he can be with Lupin forever.

I love the idea of something longer and more plot driven like a Lupin special where Lupin ends up in hot water and Jigen and Fujiko have to work together to save him. Jigen and Fujiko have such an interesting relationship. They're both partners of Lupin, they don't really like each other, they constantly screw the other over, but when it really matters they take care of each other. I'd like to see that highlighted a little more and also give them space to call each other out and bicker. Nothing sexy between them, but maybe a really interesting threesome with Lupin and Fujiko in a strap on once they save their boy.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy, "Like the Sun": 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

[sassy-pelican]

Caught

Paring: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Premise: Seb catches the garter. You catch the bouquet. 

Warnings: a lesbian wedding, language, um age gap (no specefic’s mentioned but reader and one bride are younger), allusions to sexy times

A/N: This was based on a private request. My first ever! Also, we are going to pretend this is not happening in the midst of a pandemic and Seb and Reader aren’t idiots who are going to a large wedding during this time. 

I have been to exactly one wedding. And I don’t remember any of it. Singing also results in people thinking I’m crying so … I don’t know how to do that. We’re also pretending that this is a lesbian wedding (beacuse representation y’all) with a butch wife and girly wife because I live for that asthetic (not because I want a butch girlfriend or whatever or sometimes want to be the butch girlfriend, definely not that). Basically I have been given permission to write my dream lesbian wedding and I am running with it. I’m naming the couple but if you wish to pretend it’s something different go right ahead.

I also don’t know what kind of music is sung at weddings so I am picking my own kind. The song the reader is singing is More Than Words by Little Mix (with pronoun adaptations). 

So this kinda ran away from me and I certainly didn’t intend for this to have as many sexual jokes and situations that it does but it happened. 

This is unedited. Enjoy.

“Sebastian Stan x (non actress)reader where they met at their common friend's wedding and reader was the wedding singer as well, and for some fate Seb caught the garter and reader caught the bouquet”

Tagging: @cap-n-ce​​ becasue this wonderful human requested this.

Considering that Natalie and Kate told you this wedding was only close friends and family you were surprised to see over a hundred people there. It wasn’t a problem really, just not what you were expecting. Even at the rehearsal there weren’t this many people. 

“You’ll be fine,” your bandmate and fellow singer tonight, Steph says. “You always are.”

“I know.”

“You’ve got the song down and they love you. Natalie wouldn’t have asked you to do this if she didn’t believe in you fully.”

“It’s not them I’m worried about. Natalie and Kate will be fine no matter what, nothing phases them. The crowd is a different story.”

“The actual wedding is over, it’s just the reception now,” she says. “The hard part’s over.”

You roll your eyes. She is right. You’d already done the important stuff during the ceremony, which was more beautiful than you ever imagined. Everything decked out in pinks, purples, and blues, or as they called it - a pastel rainbow. You thought the colorful bottom of the dress and lapels of Kate’s suit were a nice touch. 

“Let’s kill it,” Steph says. 

“Let’s.”

Stepping out from behind the curtain, preparing for their first dance you. Steph’s words ring out as you sing harmony, filling the background as the music plays. Every eye either on you two or the bride and bride. 

“When the sea, when the seasons change and the and the sun shines on-on your face yeah, I-I-I’ll be there with you, you you, you,” the words fall from your lips perfectly. 

Steph looks to you as she sings, “You’re a part, you’re a part of me now ju-ju-just as mu-mu-much as I’m a part of you.”

Facing the dancing couple, both beaming, you continue to sing, this time together. “I find peace in every story you told. I think of you, I’ll never be alone. It’s true, true, true. You know I do, do, do.”

“Oh, I need you more than words can say. Girl, you save me in ways that I can’t explain. Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same. Oh, I need you more than words can say.”

“Won’t forget, won’t forget, won’t forget when she bro-o-oke my heart. Ho-o-ow you helped me through,” Steph sings, the dance slowly becoming more free. 

“You turned, you turned, you turned a disaster into a dream. Gave me the power, made my life band ne-e-ew,” you sing. 

“When the world try to break us, we found magic. And we grew stronger, through every line, line, l-line, line, line,”

“Every night, every night, every night I’ll stand and sing with you. Now-now they know they gon’ be alright, alright,” by now the lyrics are flowing from your lips with ease. Both you and Steph are dancing as you belt out the song. 

“I find peace in every story you told. I think of you, I’ll never be alone. It’s true, true, true. You know I do, do, do.

“Oh, I need you more than words can say. Girl, you save me in ways that I can’t explain. Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same. Oh, I need you more than words can say.”

“I found peace in every story you told,” Steph sings. 

“I think of you, I’ll never be alone.”

“Oh, it’s true.”

“You know I do,” you sing. 

“Oh, I need you more than words can say. Girl, you save me in ways that I can’t explain. Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same. Oh, I need you more than words can say.”

“Oh, I need you more than words can say,” you finish.

~~~

As Kate bends down to peel the garter off her now wife, you catch someone looking at you. Sure, you knew they invited him, but just coming off a high from the song you didn’t notice him before now. Sebastian Stan was eye candy in every sense of the word. Natalie even admitted to both you and Kate that if she liked men, he’d be her type. 

Still, even hearing the embarrassing stories Kate had from when they grew up, long before you and Natalie even entered the picture, didn’t deter you from your crush. Of course it didn’t help that you were half in love with James Barnes. 

“He’s watching you,” Steph whispers in your ear, to which you twitch. 

“Fuck you,” you hiss “You know I hate it when you do that.” She knew you hated when people whispered in your ear, it tickled and you hated being tickled.

“I bet you’d like it if he did it,” she teases. “Maybe while fucking you.”

You glare at her. “I’m trying to enjoy my two sexy friends having a sexy moment in front of a crowd.”

“Maybe if you weren’t so preoccupied with that,” Steph quips. “You’d be having hot wedding sex in the bathroom.”

“Hey!” you whisper-yell, “I’m only a slut sometimes.”

Kate tossed the piece of fabric and elastic in the blink of an eye, all while Natalie looked on with a slightly dazed look in her eyes, and you know that whatever took so long wasn’t innocent. It doesn’t escape your notice that Sebastian casually catches the garment and winks at you. If you weren’t a strong independent woman, you might have melted. As it was, your knees felt weak. 

“Time for the bouquet!” Natalie yells, and you sigh. Personally you never got much out of the garter and bouquet tradition. It didn’t mean anything, not really. It was just a stupid thing to put pressure on people to get married. 

Standing in the back of the crowd of guests waiting impatiently for the flowers to become airborne, you hope it never reaches you. You can feel Sebastian’s eyes on you as you take your place though, and you can almost feel the disappointment in his gaze. 

They’d told everyone upfront that the lucky ‘winners’ of the tosses were to dance together at the party. And you wanted to dance with Sebastian, just not because of a stupid game. You wanted to do a lot more than dance with him if you were being honest. 

You see it enter your peripheral vision and before you can think, you put your hand up. Fingers clasp around the group of stems making up the bouquet. Shit. Smirk adorning his face, Sebastian walks up to you. 

“Think that’s our cue,” he says, leading you out to the dance floor, where Kate and Natalie are already starting to dance again. Everyone starts to disperse, as the brides stare you down, waiting expectantly.

“Think you can keep up Stan?”

“Think you can?”

~~~

He was right. You could hardly keep up with him. You’d lost count of the dances you had with him. It seemed like he refused to dance with anyone else and didn’t seem keen on giving either of you a break. 

“Sebastian,” you gasp. “I need to sit down.”

“Can’t keep up?” he teases, pulling you close, hand brushing the top of your ass. 

“Hell no,” you admit. “I don’t know what Marvel puts in your workouts but it’s more than what’s in mine.”

He throws his head back and laughs, the sound as melodic as any music you sing. And suddenly all you want to do is lick up the column of his throat. 

“Alright,” he concedes. 

You pull off your heels as you sit on one the unoccupied chairs lining the walls. “You know, for an old man you’re very spry.”

“Pulling that card are you?”

“Yep,” you reply, rubbing your feet. 

“Let me,” he says, offering his own hands, much larger than yours to massage the knots out. You would never ask, but given that he’s offering, you’re not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

A few kneads in and a very sexual moan slips out of your mouth. 

“Have a fetish you don’t know about?” he teases, still massaging. 

“No,” you say, trying not to moan again. “My feet just really hurt. If you ever try to rub my feet while we fuck I will kick you out.” Your eyes shoot open, realizing what you said. 

“Planning on fucking me are you?”

You can’t gage the look on his face. “Um … I’m sor-”

“Good,” he says, setting your foot down and pulling your chair closer to his. “I was planning on fucking you too.”

The air around you is charged with sexual energy. “Think it’d be rude if we left?” you ask him. 

“If you don’t I’m going to gag,” Steph says from the chair behind you and you can’t stop the laugh from coming out. 

Sebastian just sits there, pure shock on his face. “Well don’t stop the sexy talk on accound of me,” she says, “I’m not shy about being a voyeur.”

“Steph!” you scold. 

“Oh fine,” she says. “But I come back and you’re both here,” she wiggles her eyebrows before leaving you alone with a shell shocked Sebastian. 

“So,” you say, biting your lip. “Want to take her advice, minus the voyeur part?”

“Only if you can keep up this time,” he says, slipping out of his awkward stupor faster than you could imagine. 

“Guess we’ll find out.”

2 Years Later

“You know,” you say as Sebastian looks at you from between your legs. “I never would have agreed to go home with you if I knew it’d lead me here.”

“Where, our wedding?”

“Damn right,” you say. “If I had it my way, we’d be going to the courthouse.”

“Yes, babe I know,” he says. “But let me take this off with my teeth will you, everyone is staring.”

“Oh fine,” you say. “But I am going to throw that bouquet with hate not love.”

“Yes dear,” he mocks you. Both of you know every word is a lie, but it helps your nerves. Having him this close to where you’re aching for him in front of a crowd, Steph smirking the entire time at you while Natalie and Kate beam, is a lot. 

You bite back a gasp as he presses his face against you, kissing you lightly where you want him for hours, before moving down to take the elastic band off. “Fuck you Stan,” you whisper through your teeth. 

“You will be,” he whispers. “Mrs. Stan.”

[mego42]

Shamelessly stealing @foxmagpie​’s monthly rec thing without the ability to get my life together to do these on a monthly basis so, seasonal recs! So excited to see if I manage to do this again with anything remotely resembling consistency but i’ve been keeping the notes for approximately 43 years (or since ~september, whatever that means) so by god i’m gonna use them. 

found my thrill - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe​

Turner POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys turner is SO OBSESSED with Beth and Rio

both canonically and in this fic

it’s gr9

also features a weirdly soothing and relatable cord untangling moment as a metaphor

truly disturbingly relatable turner pov tbh

relentless boomer disdain, always a plus

led to the creation of this monstrosity, not sure what kind of a monster would do that

War In My Mind - mintletters16

Backread!!!!

post-213, gorgeous character study 

guaranteed to make you feEl stUfF

I really love the like, cyclical, fractured pattern of Beth’s internal monologue, it gives the whole thing a really affecting at times dreamy, at times haunted vibe

the end twist is *chef’s kiss*

mourning bells - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet​

Backread!!!!

Later s2 era, Rio’s at a funeral, gets drunk and calls Beth

V short, kind of…..mmm, not sweet, but almost? Idk

It’s got a wistful sort of almost/i can be quiet with you vibe that i go extremely bonkers for

delinquents - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Lol are any of you actually not reading this yet?

g o d ch 8 where do i start

First off how ABSOLUTELY VERY DARE for the tragic angst that is delinquents!beth boland. This poor baby, this precious bean. MUST PROTEC

SHE’S TRYING HER BEST AND I LOVE HER

zero percent deserves dean’s clammy hands, no i have not forgotten, tattooed on my brain, will never forgive

I also love love love love LOVE the ruby/stan subplot happening

(and ruby’s mom!!!!!) (seriously though you write the best moms)

oh god and baby beth starting to have confusing feelings about rio?????? *chef’s kiss*

p sure i was just like, straight screaming the entire end of the chapter

the dugout is like, pure serotonin

I can’t even talk about the closet

tHe teNsiOn

thank you i will take eleventy billion

don't give it a hand, offer it a soul - medievalraven / @medievalraven

am a desperate heaux for any fic that features rio and mick friendship

you are all incredibly shocked i know

still would not be mad if this swerved into rio x mick fake dating but beth x rio is cool too i guess

Speaking of things i am a desperate heaux for: DIANE!!!!!!!!

and DATING ANNIE???????????? Blessed

honestly this fic is worth it purely for the assertion that mick watches queer eye

Why don't we go to Venus? - watermelonriddles / @bensonstablers​

another grief study! 

apparently i was working through some stuff in september, idk, that was like 4 years ago

considering it’s the premise of the fic, i don’t think it’s a spoiler to say this fic is canon divergent and working with the premise that rio killed beth in 302

he is uh, not coping well

extremely haunted you might say

lots of marcus and rhea which is a delight!

rhea is to good for him tbh

i said what i said

truly top notch dream (nightmare?) sequences

the conversation at the end is extremely uncalled for

drop the game - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet​

Backread!!!!

Am going to die mad Beth and Rio didn’t hook up in 211 but luckily this fic scratched the itch 

(temporarily, it’s a fairly permanent itch)

Bonus rec: missing scene series i wanna do bad things to you featuring 2x02 and 2x04

Viva Voce - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx​

Whoops we woke up married Vegas shenanigans!! 

So cute!!!!! So sexy!!!!! 

What more do you want?

am desperately obsessed with how beth can’t help stalking rio

feels right, feels organic

this makes me feel a lot of stuff about how they could be without their canon garbage between them

🎶 we could’ve had it aaaaaaaaaaall 🎶

you showed me colors (i can't see them with anyone else) - gild_fire / @gild-and-fire​

really into the use of color to illustrate beth’s emotional state, i feel like there’s a word for that but idk what it is

UNIMPORTANT

really nice job capturing beth’s inner vulnerability balanced by her outer stubbornness

am DESPERATELY into Mick playing matchmaker

more please???????

Both Sides of the Law - JoeyLee / @joeyjoeylee​

LAW SCHOOL AU! I suuuuuuper love Beth and Rio here (alt pov!! a gift!!!!) I love how initially prickly they are, I love how it’s evolving into a grudging respect, I love how INCREDIBLY AND HILARIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER THEY ARE and neither one of them seems to see it

listen I know we’re all already foaming at the mouth over this one but as it’s gonna go down as one of my all time favorites it bears repeating/rereccing

cannot stress enough how masterful the use of POV is here, both voices feel completely true and distinct and I love how the alternating chapters revisit, reveal and emphasize pieces of each other

i can’t talk about this fic without hyperventilating

I LOVE IT SO MUCH YOU GUYS

the slow burn is going to ACTUALLY KILL ME

rip, no regrats

Earned It - wakeupflawless / @wakeupflawless​

spanking

that’s it that’s the pitch

H O T

living for beth’s exit in the first chapter, rio and i are both incredibly into it

second chapter also features violently possessive Rio who cannot deal with anyone messing with his girl so if that’s your thing boy howdy get on it

shake, baby, shake - openhearts

backread!!!!!

according to my bookmarks this was a reread but ???????

must’ve read it in the fugue state that followed reading for a moment we were strangers which is gr9 and I believe I have recced it before. If not, horrible oversight, reccing it now

beth and Rio POV lead up to the bathroom break, beautifully done, low-key feel bad reccing it bc the end point of both chapters makes me want to throw things but it’s super worth it for the tEnsiOn. ENJOY

What the Sea Wants, the Sea Will Have - flashindie / @pynkhues​

I’m assuming all of y’all are already reading this

If not OH MY GOD FIX YOUR LIVES

P I R A T E  A U

I’m sorry maybe you didn’t hear me piRaTE aU

meticulously researched, brain-meltingly vibrant, already painfully sexy slow-burning PIRATE AU

god where to start okay so first off, the world-building here straight up breaks my brain, sophie’s put in the work and it SHOWS

second, the atmosphere. i’m generally a pretty like, vague mental picture sort of reader but the sensory detail here grabs you by the throat and like, forcibly hauls you in whether your brain’s wired that way or no

and hey speaking of throats if you, like me, go a little funny about the knees at the idea of beth holding a knife to rio’s throat (he’s fine, calm down), there’s a v excellent beth-in-a-barrel moment for you

oh christ and the sexy tension

it’s gonna be a race to see which slow burn takes me out first, this or law school

Stunner - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Another high school AU, this time with baby Rio absolutely head over heels for his older sister’s bff

stunner!Rio has an emotional earnestness about him that I feel like delinquents!Rio has already outgrown and it’s so SWEET I can’t get enough

Desperately cute!!!!!!

alL he waNts iS foR beTh tO bE hiS girL

also unreasonably angsty???????

ANN ARBOR IS NOT THAT FAR MEGAN

A Heart's A Heavy Burden - tooshyforthis / @bathroombreaks​

Howl’s Moving Castle AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Howl’s!!!!!!!!!!!

perfect opp to roast Rio for being a Dramatique Heaux 

and it’s gonna be 9 chapters?????? H Y P E

author’s note boldly presumes I did not know I needed this AU when the reality is I did in fact know I needed this AU, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to deliver

so blessed

author also claims to not be team nose stud and yet it features prominently in all its magnificent glory

what is the truth dot gif

A Bit of a Stretch - septiembre / @septiembur​

SO????? CUTE?????????

would be on this list for Rio calling Beth E alone tbh

really really really really really love this Rio POV of being settled into a relationship with Beth

It manages to be sweetly domestic af while still holding the edge that makes brio brio which is a neat trick

@septiembur may be a witch

beth’s approach to getting rio to do yoga with her is hilarious and exactly right, canon-typical amounts of subtlety 

1000000/10

Post Break-Up Sex - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs​

stg this was called Hit Shuffle

no matter

h O T

with a side of damn i’ve made some questionable choices in my life haven’t i introspection

(no regrats tho)

(esp not with this fic)

not the point of the fic by a long shot but i’m also extremely obsessed with Weed Eddie, so real

She drains my soul... she drains it not - niham87 / @niham87​

ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT

am a complete sucker for paranormal world building that satirizes bureaucracy 

Is that a trope? If so that’s my favorite

I did it. I’m picking a single favorite. You know what that is growth dot gif

ANYWAY i love the concept, i love the humor, i love beth instantly clicking with annie

I love her and mick’s sort of grudging professional courtesy

Love beth as a champion of environmental responsibility and all of the underworld being like …...okay??

cannot wait to see where this goes

Nine-Tenths - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

sometimes i think about rio putting beth’s hair in a ponytail and have to go lie down

science please explain why this rUinS mE

wait hold on i skipped ahead

HEY KIDS DO YOU LIKE UNBEARABLY CUTE DOMESTIC TENDERNESS

opens with rio sleepily holding beth’s hand to his heart so that’s the kind of thing you’ll be dealing with

uGH theY’RE sO CUTe

idk why precisely but rio adding hair ties to his bracelet collection is my undoing every time

Missed Call - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Rio doesn’t come home from a job when he’s supposed to. Beth (and I!!!!!!!) slowly loses her mind

Truly a masterpiece of rising tension

Will literally never forgive her for calling this light angst

I was SO STRESSED OUT

The first person to point out there was an author’s note at the beginning I obvs didn’t read is getting blocked

crush - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Listen even though this is centered around two OCs, they are OCs FROM a (n iconic) brio fic AND Beth, Ruby and Rio all make cameos (I mean, Rio’s pretty present since he lives in Mar’s mind rent free bc they are THE SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE BEST OF FRIENDS so idk if i’d call it a cameo but whatever)

and even if it didn’t feature any official GG characters I’d still rec is bc that’s mY SON AND this fic is TOO CUTE

I have so many feelings over mar and rio growing up and not knowing how to cope with girls becoming a Thing in their life and how it affects their friendship and mar feeling left behind but (SPOILERS) at the end of the story rio starts feeling that too and it’s so poignant knowing how that’s going to continue in delinquents

while mar may be my son, i also claim elena’s #1 stan status

before you’re like meg you’re only reccing it bc it’s a bday present ask yourselves do i really strike you as the kind of person that wouldn’t be equally obnoxious about this either way?

truly cannot fathom how hard i have fallen for these OCs i don’t normally do that

@foxmagpie is definitely a witch

The Ottoman - Niham87 / @niham87​

look i will be the first to admit that i don’t go near as bonkers over the ottoman line in 308 as y’all do

(don’t get me wrong, i love it!!! I love that he laughs and i love that she’s pleased it just doesn’t hit my lose my whole mind button like idk, the dubby or the 306 convo, idk why)

BUT i v v v much love the context this delightful Rio POV pwp gives it

am also absolutely feral for 209 missing scene fic

and anything that captures the complexity of Rio’s s3 feelings for Beth and how twisted they’ve become

so this scratches a bunch of itches, is what i’m trying to say

Bet On It - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

That’s what my brain does when I think about Beth and Rio meeting in ch 1

am DESPERATELY OBSESSED WITH the tension between the two of them in this fic

I love how it plays with the ways they have to rely on but don’t trust each other

plus FAKE DATING and BED SHARING (fair warning hasn’t happened yet but the set up is there)

originally supposed to be 2 chapters, already up to 4, prayer circle it goes on forever

do you like drugs (tonight) - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe​

v important focus on hydration, other fic should take note

extremely about the use of cut to and then flashback to enhance the ‘we were on drugs’ vibe

speaking of, beth and rio absolutely would take ecstasy to prove they are fun bc they are the exact kind of idiots that would peer pressure themselves

so glad beth kept her purse, got a bit stressed there for a second, clutches in that kind of circumstance are A Risk

not that i would know

FLAWLESS USE OF VOICEMAIL TBH

really love the ongoing denial that they are remotely into each other while proceeding to demonstrate how they are in fact, extremely into each other, great vibe

rio dances

I know my brain broke too

mmmm bacon

Navigate A Broken Path - flashindie / @pynkhues​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

I have a long standing tradition of getting unreasonably obsessed with side characters so i’m not like, entirely surprised by how obsessed i am with both Mick and Mary Pat but i never in a million years considered them as a ship

AND Y E T

they fit????? so perfectly?????? It’s amazing how she developes them individually enough that i look at them together and think ah yes this makes perfect sense for both characters

and they’re such an amazing foil to Beth and Rio? 

can ships have foils? do i know what a foil is? 

unimportant

GUYS you dON’T uNDERStAN d 

hell i don’t understand

how absolutely very dare you make me care about YET ANOTHER set of gg ‘verse children

do not read this fic if you have no interest in feelings you zero percent asked for

wHA t hAPPeNED iN aLASkA?????????

A Moment’s Silence - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs​

*makes sign of the cross*

y’all are gonna make me rediscover religion

extremely appreciate the author’s note approach to backstory top notch prioritization

listen it’s basically 3k of beth deep throating rio idk what more you need me to say about it

it is…..good stuff

bless the kinkmeme or fest whatever we’re calling it

praise - civillove / @blainesebastian​

I mean you had me at “three times rio calls beth a good girl and one time he really means it”

ephemeral rio

I left that note for myself in here in the middle of the night and haven’t the foggiest what i was thinking but i stand by it none the less

okay okay i think i know what i meant, this fic (as do all of my fav civillove brio fics) has this sort of like, liminal, in the quiet moments feel to them that makes the moments and feelings somehow feel like i’m catching a glimpse of something secret and precious???

idk i just really like it okay

Heart and Soul - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo​

oh look more unbearably sweet domestic tenderness, this time to music

thank you ma’am for my life

rio remembers beth used to play piano and gets her one and revoltingly cute shenanigans result

also hilarity

and sexiness

this fic has it all, truly

shout out to mick who sees no reason to keep rio’s feelings to himself

good girls tumblr fic - prettylittlementirosa / @hypermania​​

cheating and reccing a whole series

It’s my list and i can do what i wanna

stop crying about it, it’s four fics and they’re all AMAZING absolutely impossible to pick a fav

truly flawless characterization, next level ability to capture evocative mood, cannot get enough

three’s a crowd: who knew ballroom dancing while dean watches and grinds his teeth could be so sexy 

(trick question everything about that premise sounds A++++ and boy howdy does it live up)

feel it on the way home: rio tries to break up with beth, it goes about as well as you’d expect

(thE angSty tenSioN)

i want to play the game: [from the floor] i’m still not ready to talk about it

(rio/turner, missing scene, 10000000% a taste of what went down in that hotel room)

june after dark: pitch perfect annie pov, really really love the take that Annie is the baby whisperer, can’t fully explain why but it feels incredibly right

(ANNIE X NANCY COULD WORK SO WELL YOU GUYS)

[enigmawrappedinhypocrisy]

I've recently really gotten into your blog and I love how you write Barley, I'm very interested by the NSFW because I didn't expect this much love for him from the community! I wanted to request something NSFW if it's okay :)! I like the concept between fem reader and Barley ending up doing the deed in his van ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (Could I add that during this deed, Barley is very passionate and thorough as well as -not safe sex- 👀?) Thank you for your time, I look forward to your stories, take care! ❤️

Hey guess who totally didn’t forget about this sitting in my drafts 75% finished for a looooong time?!! Sorry

Okay… the nsfw things really take longer for me to come up with… it’s like… difficult for me to come up with something that doesn’t sound like bullet points or has bad pacing… 

Aand I could not come up with an opener for this… all I kept thinking of was the premise for the other time there was sexy times in Barley’s van… and I couldn’t do that twice… And i’m not sure what you mean by ‘very passionate’ so hopefully this works…

 Fandom: Onward

Pairing: Barley Lightfoot x Fem reader 

Warnings: NSFW! Badly written Smut, Fingering, unsafe sex, some cum talk I guess... kinda upsetting language in the beginning... 

❀✦ Master List✦❀

The day was warm and bright, your parents were having their annual summer party,

You were grateful Barley was there to help balance you, as the people invited tended to be a little… much...

Everything was okay for a while… you were able to avoid any uncomfortable discussions by spending a good amount of time in the kitchen ‘helping’ until your parents insisted you ‘join the fun’. 

It only took a few minutes before the conversation outside shifted to you...

A great aunt commented that, “you’d be pretty if you dropped the weight…” 

A cousin asked when you’re going to get married, and someone responded with something that sounded like “when she gets ‘in trouble’” 

Your mother’s friend told you she thought you should date her son instead of that “troublemaker you were dating”.

And then politics… 

It was very quickly becoming too much… and you needed out. 

-

Barley had been helping your parents and was mostly kept away from the toxicity, until you texted him. 

<Hiding in Guinevere :( > 

It didn’t take long for the back of the van to open revealing a concerned and slightly amused Barley. 

“What happened?” He climbs in, shutting the door behind him. 

You’re lying on the floor in the center of Guinevere. Barley joins you, on his side, facing you. His hand brushes some hair from your face. 

You huff but give him a quick recap of what happened. 

Barley frowns, “Want me to go talk to them? They shouldn’t be saying things like that...”

“No,” you sigh knowing that won't help…  

But then a thought wormed its way into your head. You try to hide the smile that flashes across your face as you reach up and pull Barley down to you. 

He smiles into the kiss, always happy to kiss you… and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed being affectionate with you throughout the day. You had both decided earlier to keep the ‘lovey stuff’ to a minimum around your family in order to avoid… well… basically what ended up happening anyway… 

When he was distracted you shifted your position so you were now on top of him. Barley’s hands instinctively move to your hips, “What are you doing?” he smiles up at you.

You return his smile with a smirk, before rocking your hips against his. 

“You know I’m always up for this but your family…” Barley blushes as you tug off your shirt.

It was if you didn’t care if you got caught… or maybe you wanted to… to show those people… something… your feelings were all jumbled at the moment and you’d decided to just go with them. Barley made you feel safe to share those kinds of feelings with. And you wanted him right now! In his van, on the curb, in front of your house. 

You lean down to nibble on his neck, whispering breathlessly to him that you don’t care, and “let them be miserable while we’re having fun” 

You reach back and quickly remove your bra, tossing it somewhere in the van. 

Barley chuckles, “as long as I get to say ‘told you so’ if we get caught.” 

“Deal” you lean back into a kiss, yelping when Barley retakes control. 

He knows you’re still a little upset by their words, even if you won’t admit it, and Barley was more than happy to take the opportunity to take care of you. 

He spends some time worshiping your body with his hands and mouth, sometimes nuzzling you playfully. He breathes soft words into your rapidly heating skin. Telling you how much he loves you, he wants to let you know how much he adores you, and your body.

Eventually he makes his way down to your waistline. Barley winks up at you playfully before pulling off your pants. He leans down and nips at your hip. 

You giggle and nudge him with your foot. 

He winks again before he works your panties down and off of you. Now you're fully nude in Barley's van… and he's not… You're about to bring it up when he brushes his hand along your slit. 

You glare at him, at his cheeky smile, 'cause he knows just what he’s doing. He knows you want him now, and his teasing is not helping satiate that need.  

The glare works, and Barley quickly continues, moving up your body to kiss you again. His hand continues to teasingly stroke along your folds, now moving with purpose and not just teasing. 

Once he felt you were distracted by the kiss he slips a finger into you, smiling when you moan into his mouth. Before long he adds a second finger,  stretching you, working you the way he knows you like. .

Pulling away slightly, Barley leaves some pecking kisses on your face, "You know I think you're beautiful, right?" He tells you, cheeks flushed. 

You bite your lip looking up at him, a little distracted by his fingers inside you. "You're wonderful," you tell him. 

"No you," Barley smiles, a little heart eyed. Before you could protest or add anything Barley hooks his fingers inside you unexpectedly, drawing out a surprised moan from you. 

He continues his fingering while he leans forward, and begins marking your neck. He wants you to be able to look in the mirror later and know he loves you. You might have said those words didn’t bother you… but Barley wanted to make sure… 

Your hands find their way into his hair, knocking his hat off in your haste, and gripping his hair.  

Brushing his thumb firmly over your clit he quickly brings you to your first orgasm. Your insides twitching around his thick fingers, eyes shut tight. Barley withdraws and allows you as much time as you need to recover. He just enjoys watching you in bliss, a little proud to be the one responsible for it. 

While you’re in your blissful post orgasmic state you find yourself keenly aware of the scents surrounding you. The cinnamon dragon shaped air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. The obvious musk of sex, and then Barley, above all else you can smell him. 

He’d made sure to dress up a little nicer, shave which made you a little sad, and wore the cologne you’d bought him for his birthday last year. The effort he’d put in to make a good impression filled your heart.  

How’d I get so lucky? you muse to yourself, hooking a leg around Barley's hip, drawing him closer to you. 

With a soft chuckle at your eagerness Barley leans forward, his forehead pressed against yours. “Someone’s eager” he teases, while already undoing his pants. 

“If you don't hurry up” you threaten with a hiss, but are unable to keep the smile from your voice while you do it. 

With your legs already wrapped around his waist Barley doesn’t have much room to move as he frees his cock from its fabric confins. He was plenty eager, himself, at this point, earlier reservations forgotten. Cock, standing tall, practically pulsing with anticipation. Barley didn’t know what he’d do If they were to be interrupted at this point, but as your hips buck against him all thoughts vanish the young elf’s mind.

He slips inside you with ease, your warmth already soaked from the earlier orgasm. Barley teases a little at first, starting with shallow thrusts, leaving you to chase after him. Your hips lift and tilt, trying to find the right angle to get him deeper, all the while Barley makes sure to keep just far enough away. The game doesn’t last long, however, as Barley soon finds the teasing too tough to take himself. 

With a hand on your hip he gives a sudden thrust, pulling you to him at the same time, bottoming out inside you with a whine. His face buried in your neck as he tries to keep his noises to a minimum, grinding against you lazily. 

Barley finds himself wondering how this can always feel like the best time… every time… always… but as you clench around him he’s pulled back into the moment. 

Drawing back Barley crashes his lips against yours in a brief heated kiss, before beginning a bruising pace. 

Your hands grip his arms as your head falls back, overwhelmed in pleasure. You’re rapidly approaching your second orgasm as Barley quickly finds and assaults a spot deep within you. A spot he’d long since learned, will cause you to see stars. 

Barley grips your thigh, and wraps an arm around your back, and with little warning he pulls you up and into his lap. From this angle he’s able to thrust up into you while you writhe, and clench above him. He keeps you against him for a bit, staying deep within your warm walls as he focuses on those places inside you again. 

It doesn’t take much more before you clench down on him, both on his cock and his neck, as your orgasm crashes upon you. 

This time Barley doesn’t allow you to come down from it as he takes your hips in a more solid grip, and begins lifting you again. Dragging your spasming cunt along his cock, he’s barely able to keep a rhythm, overwhelmed by chasing his own pleasure at this point. 

Barley repeatedly lets out your name in breathy whimpers. Not that he was really aware he was doing it. All the while you stroke his back, and moan encouragingly in his ear. 

Biting down on your shoulder, Barley holds you tightly to him as his own orgasm finally hits. His whole body shudders, as he cums deep within you.

It only takes a moment for you and Barley to realize the mistake you’d made. 

“Oops” you look up at him, biting your lip. You can already feel some of his cum leaking out of you around his now softening member. 

Once he realizes, however, Barley’s eyes go wide, he quickly begins to apologize. 

With a sympathetic smile you nuzzle into him, assuring him that it was okay, mistakes happen, and you’ll just need to stop at the drug store after the party. 

“Besides, it’s kinda hot” you tell him with a mischievous smirk, “being around those judgmental people, only you and I knowing why my underwear is all wet” 

It seems Barley didn’t know how to react, his ears flushing, a cum drunk smile stretching across his face. He wasn’t sure if he should be embarrassed or turned on, but a tone coming from your pants pulled him back to reality once again. 

He watches you pull away from him and scramble to get your phone. His nerves return once he sees your face. You looked like you’d been caught sneaking a cookie. 

“What?” 

“We should go to the store now” you bite your lip holding out the phone so Barley could see the text from your mother. 

<Hope you’re using protection LOL>

“Your mom uses ‘lol’? Barley teases. 

You glare at him over your shoulder, already in the process of redressing. 

“Okay, okay” Barley chuckles, readjusting his pants, and starting the van “but don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

Okay that’s all I got…  see you all in another 3 months... Sorry 

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

The Many Faces of the Strong Female Character

The much-requested, positive counterpart to my classic “Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing” and it’s much-later sequel.  

Here, I will discuss some of my favorite fictional ladies and what makes them work so well;  given my rapturous love of women, there will probably be a sequel!  In the meantime, I talk more about portraying female characters here.

Happy writing, everybody!  <3

1.)  The Warrior

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When most people hear “strong female character,” they picture the most popular definition of the term:  a stony-faced, emotionally shallow, conventionally attractive broad who punches and kicks stuff.  She may occasionally shout things like, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN,” while perhaps punching a small baby. 

I decided to start with my wife Diana, because she is the perfect antithesis of this trope.  She isn’t stony, she’s courageous.  She’s unabashed about showing her doubts, hopes, affections, and optimism.  Her love interest never steals her spotlight, but she feels no need to shun romance to appear “strong.”  She’s beautiful, but not sexualized or objectified.

And while most Strong Female Characters™ are ironically reduced to damsels in distress at some point in their own narratives, Diana consistently takes the lead, totally autonomous over her own story.

You can kick ass AND love babies, people.  Joss Whedon, please take notes.

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Other examples:  Okoye from Black Panther, Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, Rey from Star Wars, and Ser Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

2.)  The Comedian

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If you haven’t watched Chewing Gum on Netflix, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now.  Its relatively simple premise – a twenty-four-year-old from a fundamentalist Christian household struggles to lose her virginity – is a segway into a hilarious, genuine exploration of human sexuality, relationships, and how we forge our identities.

Brilliantly portrayed by the series’ creator, Michaela Coel, Tracy is essentially that one friend who knows exactly what you’ve been thinking and isn’t afraid to say so.  She is never relegated to a single trope or stereotype.  She’s stumbling, clumsily but enthusiastically, through the life experiences that shape us.  Most importantly, she is allowed to be sexually curious, awkward, aggressive, insecure, and – I can’t stress this enough – hilarious.  The dialogue is infinitely quotable, and endlessly relatable. 

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Watching shows like Chewing Gum makes me realize how few female characters – and even fe wer Black female characters – are portrayed as truly human.  Typically, they’re allowed to be sexy, but not sexual.  They’re allowed to be awkward, but only if it’s cute.  They can be insecure, but only if that insecurity can easily be solved by the affirmations of a male love interest.  And they’re rarely allowed to be the main source of a series’ comedy.  

So remember:  let your female characters be human.  Let them be awkward, funny, sexual philosophers.  It’s easier than you think.  

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Other examples:  Abbi and Ilan from Broad City, Leslie from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob’s Burgers.

3.)  The Drama Queen

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Watching Riverdale is like hurtling along on a structurally unstable rollercoaster.  It’s utterly insane, a lot of fun, and once you’re on, you can’t stop.

But amidst the explosions of batshit crazy plot points, killer cults, and the existential perplexity of finding yourself attracted to emo Jughead, there are some real gems.  One of these is Cheryl Blossom, and pretty much every plot line surrounding her.

Cheryl is introduced as a fairly one-dimensional, catty mean girl, though the Regina George-esque charisma with which she’s portrayed makes her instantly likable.  Initially, we expect her to be a character we’ll love to hate.

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And yet, within the first few episodes, I was impressed by how layered and complex her motivations were.  Much of contempt towards others was misdirected rage from an upbringing of extreme emotional abuse, and grief over her dead brother -- all portrayed without a Snape-style condonation of said behavior.  By the end of season one, my thoughts were generally, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can claim to be watching this ‘ironically’ anymore,” and “MORE CHERYL.”

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Season two answered my wish, and then some.  Cheryl was saved from an (impressively conscientiously portrayed) attempt at sexual assault by a pack of her female friends, and her attacker got the shit beat out of him in one of the most cathartic moments of modern television.

To the exaltation of my queer heart, she also came out as a lesbian, in a deeply moving story arc that I never would have expected from this show.  Without spoiling too much, she and her new love interest kissing in front of anti-gay propaganda footage was legitimately one of the most powerful moments I have ever witnessed.

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Before the season was over, she viciously threatened her abusive, homophobic mother while covered in blood, shot a serial killer with a bow and arrow, and joined a gang.  If that’s not gay culture, I don’t know what is.

Oh, how I wish this show was just about her.

Other examples:  Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

4.)  The Lovable Bastard

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Ah, The Good Place.  I have never experienced such a breath of comedic fresh air.  A new philosophical principle each episode, examined and applied in hilarious and thought-provoking ways.  A complete absence of harmful stereotypes.  Incredibly lovable, three-dimensional, and ever-evolving characters. 

I was considering using my queen Tahani for this list, who externally larger-than-life and internally vulnerable after emotional abuse by her parents.  Also, she’s hilarious.  Everyone and everything in The Good Place is hilarious.  And I also thought about talking about Janet, who is the best character in anything ever, but of course:

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Instead, I’ll be talking about bisexual icon Eleanor, who is something very few female characters get to be:  the lovable bastard.

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Eleanor, when we first meet her, is not traditionally good in any sense of the word.  She turned down a high-paying job because she was expected to be nice to people.  She sold placebos to the elderly, and was great at it.  She was drunken, slovenly, hedonistic, and selfish.  And she’s instantly incredibly likable.

Why and how Eleanor is so enjoyable, even at her very worst, merits an essay all its own.  But in a nutshell:

We empathize with her.  We are introduced to “The Good Place” completely through her eyes.  We are in her shoes.  

The stakes are high.  When we discover that her entry into the good place was a mistake, we want her to be okay.

We come to understand her, and how her terrible childhood shaped her destructive behavior.  

She wants to be a better person, and with time, effort, and character development, we watch her become one. 

Not only is this an amazing lesson in how to endear audiences to your character, it is also infinitely refreshing.  The most famous lovable bastards are all men --  Han Solo, Dr. House, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Man With No Name, et cetera -- but women are rarely afforded the same moral complexity.  If a woman in fiction has done bad things, she’s not usually a lovable bastard.  She’s usually a bitch. 

Eleanor isn’t just a great character.  She conveys an important lesson:  women are people.  People with the same capacity for mistakes, growth, redemption, and love as anyone else.

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Other examples: Chloe from Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23

5.)  The Cinderella

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Yep.  I said it.  Cinderella is a strong female character.

My girl not only survived in an abusive household, she persistently stayed positive.  She worked each day to make the best of an impossible situation, from which she had no means of escape.  That takes an insane amount of courage and tenacity. 

But Caff, I hear you scream, she needed help to escape!!  Well, my imaginary counterargument, so the fuck what?  MOST people need help to escape their abusive situations, and there’s no shame in that.  Accepting help from someone you trust is the best thing you can do in a situation such as that, and implying otherwise is horribly damaging to victims of abuse.  

But she married the prince, you more feebly protest.  Yes!  She did!  She found love and happiness and a great life in a socially influential position!  And that’s an amazing message!

So in the flurry of female warriors, let’s not forget Cinderella, who tells people that their terrible circumstances won’t last forever, to stay hopeful and kind, and that accepting help from a trusted friend can lead to a happy life.  

Cinderella is a bad bitch, and she deserves her happily ever after.

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Other examples:  For some reason, I’m thinking of Sansa from Game of Thrones.  When people try to discredit her as a strong character, they often make similar complaints.  But both, quite fittingly, end up as queens.

[goodguydotmp3]

hi i came across ur answer about harry/his music, there was this -- "I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” I thought the same bcz his verse is so different & feels like it doesn't fit can you explain more about it if you'd like plz? thanks :)

SO I had to re-listen to the song for this ask and it was just as uncomfortable as the first time <3

Alright lets break this down.

I. General Feel

Okay so this song is. It’s just not a good song let me put it like that. It’s an pop R&B song, obviously meant to be at the very least sexy. You have three men that are known for their sexy pop/R&B lyics and/or songs, and somehow two of them forgot how to be sexy? make it make sense. Where is the romance? the ambiance? the vulnerability? No not like that Chris Brown. 

And yes there were three other writers, but that just means there is even less of an excuse for this nonsense. It literally makes my skin crawl.

II. Lyrics

Girl bye. 

a. Usher, what is you doing? He starts off the verse with

Come and ride on me like the waves I flip the pages 'cause I wrote the book On the way how to sex you up, sex you up We can do it like I'm on the stage, we'll have an audience Baby, I'll show you the way that I sex you up

When I tell you I could fucking scream. Who let Usher Raymond do this? I want names, phone numbers, and addresses. 

This sounds juvenile. If someone rapped this over a Nitti Beat back in 2012 I would have thought this was fire. That’s how fucking childish this is. This can’t be the same man you used to sing stuff like “if you didn’t know you’re the only thing that’s on my mind, cause the way i’m starin at you makes me wanna give it to you all night” or “I’ve been waiting all day to wrap my hands around your waist and kiss your face” or “I’ll get you hot I know you oh so well”. now are those groundbreaking lyrics? No. But they sound leagues better then whatever the hell he was doing here, Especially in context, especially when he sung them but I wanna talk about that later.

Next point of contention is:

Or I can lick you up and down 'til you say You love how I eat on that pussy You just might go put a tat' on that pussy That says Usher, Usher There's no other, other (Yeah!) Damn girl, yeah, you got that juicy Love when I make you cum, I make it gushy One without the other I'm the champion lover, lover Fuck you to sleep, wake you up again (Oh) I go so deep, beat it up again (Oh) Girl, come and sit on my tongue again 'Cause I love to taste you, yeah

Would someone be so kind as to let me know when 2010 lil Jon possesed Usher? Or maybe it was 2008 Lil Wayne? 2012 Pitbull? Either way, 2016 Usher just aint got it like. Truly if this was being rapped in a club with the bass all the way up and the melody loud enough that you couldn’t hear it, I would be like “ okay maybe horny people wanna shake they ass” but this is supposed to be sexy? Who is this seducing????? Are they okay? Can they name the current President? How many fingers am I holding up?

Last of his verse is what really gets me heated like

I can tell you been eating your pineapples (Mmm) Girl, your pussy taste like pineapples (Oh) Girl, when I hit your G, you feel like you gon' pee Baby, cum for me

First off, pussy taste like pussy you fucking coward. Second, stop god modding you clearly don’t know all that if you still think pussy taste like pineapples. And this is that immaturity coming back into play I feel like, who is this song for? Not adults. Not like this.  I feel like I can’t over emphasize that this man had been putting out original music for 26 years. 26! Not only are your fans too old for this nonsense, but you should be a master song writer! I know this song came out in 2016 but that’s still over 20 years of experience.

b. Chris Brown

Huh, now where you been? It's been a year Baby, I ain't seen you, you know I miss you (Oh, woah) Baby, let me love you back to sleep once more And I know we don't speak no more (Oh) But I just wanna tell you I'm sorry (Hey!) For fucking 'round with Keisha and MaKayla (Huh) For all the Georgia peaches in Decatur For all these bitches in the elevator I just want you to love me (Yeah, yeah) Yeah, baby, don't test me (Huh), you know I'll do it You want me to say your name, girl? Okay, Karrueche

I Just

What...praytell...is sexy or romantic about...anything said there.

See this is what I was talking about in my other post, He completely misunderstands what it means to white a love song , but more than that, to be vulnerable. Saying you’re a cheating whore and begging for forgiveness in this manner is not actually apologizing for your actions, it’s just airing your dirty laundry. 

If he wants to do that then fine I guess?? But I feel like he wasn't. Like, the idea totally reminds me of Charlene, Wherein Anthony Hamilton name drops his lover and begs her to come back to him. The thing about Hamilton’s song is that he doesn’t sound like a manipulative ass for one. Hamilton makes it clear there were several places he knows he fell short in the relationship, and in the end, he doesn’t make it out to be a callout post, but he does let her know that he intends to wait for her should she come back, and then promises to change his behavior. This is not that at all. When Beyoncé and Alicia Keys said Say you love me and  Put it in a Love Song, This is not what they meant.

ALSO DON’T REFER TO WOMEN AS BITCHES

c. Zayn

Baby, just stay comfortable, I want you as you are Baby, just lay there naked waiting for me Let's not get emotional, let's be who we are Can we do that? Can we do that? Can we? Know it's been a long day, it's 'bout to be a long night So keep your eyes closed 'til I roll through So, baby, when you're feeling like a woman in the sheets Somebody splitting your knees, don't worry that's me I'm over here putting work in Baby, you ain't gotta tell me what you want

Am I Floored? No. Is this his best work? Also no. Is it a helluva lot better than whatever the fuck Usher and Chris B thought they were doing here? Hell yes. The vulnerability! The pleading! The fucked up headspace! This verse has it all!

III. The way the song is sung

terribly Let me start there. Wtf was usher trying to do here. The lyrics were chringy, and so was the delivery. It felt choppy as hell. Like who is fucking to this? Asking for a friend. WHo is aroused by an usher vulva tat 

we need to have words.

second Chis Brown sounds like a whiney piss baby I really hope no one actually paid for that song thinking they were getting a sexy R&B hit and got that.

Zayn sounds fine on this song, like the tone is overall bittersweet, but it matches the lyrics.

okay the last thing I want to talk about is the chorus. after hearing the verses It really doesn’t match. It’s a really basic premise I feel and Usher and CB felt like they were on another song in between the chorus. Like In Sex Room, Ludacris talks a really big game, and the chorus is really simple, but It’s literally all about what he plans to do in said “Sex room”, Usher like someone told him he was gonna be singing a sex song and then went back and put a line that tied to the song at the last minute if that makes sense?

and then CB....okay.

The last thing I wanna say about Chris Brown is I actually listened to the original song, thinking maybe the original was also trash. No actually? It’s not the best, not even by Chris B standards but its not bad like?? Who let him but out this remix monstrosity?

Anyway, I actually have a Sexy R&B playlist if you’re looking for something...better. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t all romantic, but they’re damn sure sexy, and way better that wtf this song has going on

[quagmireisadora]

[Jonghyun / Taemin] After the Fire

Prompt: A is a struggling writer going through a creative block, until B literally crashes into their life, claiming that they are a modern-day muse.  Rating: R-ish(?) Warnings: some explicit descriptions Length: ~10,000

Summary: Drawn to danger, I burned my own house down.

(Written as part of the Winter of SHINee fic fest. Please go support all the entries there)

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“... we thank you for your manuscript and applaud your efforts in completing another book. Unfortunately, it is not quite in the vein of what we are looking for. Please stay in touch for…” 

In Jonghyun’s eyes, there is only one way to construe the letter—your stuff isn't sexy enough.

He knows the standards the publication house upholds. When he’d first applied to write for them, presenting a short story full of elucidated gasps and pants and whatnot: he’d done his research. The other writers and their works are miles apart from what he could ever produce. Those books are too salacious, too irreverent for him to match.

So, he knows there is a yardstick, and that he is required to be faithful to it, if he must help retain their astronomically high readership. 

Honestly, though… the only reason Jonghyun writes erotic literature is because it is easy money. 

Coming straight out of college, he first tried his hand at working for obscure webzines. That was a very weird, isolating experience. His colleagues were constantly embroiled in intellectual and cultural debates, the likes of which a man of his upbringing could never participate in—the elegance of noir films, the chaos of punk history, the artful French New Wave. Not only did these subjects evolve outside the barriers he grew up between, the webzines’ subscribers were largely foreigners, rendering a monolinguistic man like him… well. Useless.

Following this, he’d done a stint at small, virtually unknown publications. He’d written largely ignored thought pieces for national papers. He’d even submitted the less embarrassing specimens of his attempted poetry to the Metropolitan office of which, none were imprinted on subway doors. Yet.

To the interested employer, his CV reads like a grocery list of jobs: I did everything I possibly could with my mediocre talent, just so I could earn a living. And he doesn't mind that—encourages that thought, in fact. It is Jonghyun's earnest belief that only by downplaying his past professional experiences will he ever get a step ahead, climb a rung higher. It is also Jonghyun's earnest belief that dream jobs do not exist and, in this economy at least, settling is a good idea when you have qualifications as meaningless as his. 

So no, he doesn't turn any work down. Nothing is beneath him. And that attitude has led him here—to writing cheap erotica for easy money.

Except, Jonghyun hasn't a single erotic bone in his body. 

He is a man, most certainly. Red-blooded as they come. But something about writing down the act, about describing it in the most colourful and drawn-out details... femininity must surely be a prerequisite, he thinks. To notice the way that things look or sound or feel or taste in those short moments. To recreate that passion, that ecstasy, that urgency with paragraph upon paragraph of meticulous and explicit narration: one must need a very observative mind. Or a hyperactive imagination. Because something that lasts just a few minutes from his perspective, can only be recreated with such intensity if it were a woman on the other side of the pen.

So no, Jonghyun doesn't do sexy. Despite having penned three short novels, all with the reluctant perusal of internet porn, he doesn’t do sexy. He doesn’t do softcore, he doesn’t do taboo or wild or… anything, really. He just isn't capable of indelicacy like that. He reasons he can probably try romantic, but that’s not what this specific job entails, does it? No, and the letter is good evidence of that, he realises, stowing his last manuscript away for recycling. 

 Where sexual depravity is concerned, Jonghyun is running on empty. And if things don't change soon, his bank account will too.

------

His mother doesn't know, of course. She thinks her poor son, her youngest baby, is so deeply mired in the nine-to-five that he doesn't even have time to visit these days. Writing is time-consuming. Writing entire novels, even more so. He doesn’t tell her what his job is, though. He keeps it vague. I’m working at an office. I’m working for a big company. I’m working in a building on Saemunan-ro.

As common a name as Kim Jonghyun is, a pseudonym is useful in many ways, he realises. He doesn’t get strange calls from distant relatives, demanding what the hell does he think he’s doing, while ignoring the fact that they went looking for erotica in the first place. He doesn’t have his young cousins approach him with was that really you, hyung? or can we get an early copy of your next one? His friends and ex-associates don’t have a clue. He would like to keep it that way: Minho already gives him a hard time about growing into an old shut-in, if he had the faintest idea of what was going on behind those closed doors and drawn curtains… Minho would no longer be a friend, Jonghyun wagers with shame.

Even so, the question of inspired writing—if he can call it that—still remains. Rather, the question of how he will pay next month’s rent, how he will settle the stack of overdue power and internet and water bills, still remains. Seoul is an expensive city to live in by oneself, and he cannot move back under the same roof as his mother and sister, not with a scandalous job like this. 

At this point he has no way of stimulating his mind without resorting to stealing from other writers. 

And so, the idea of a fan-meeting event is a sort of lifeline. He figures it could help if people show appreciation for his work: even if those people are wild-eyed and pimple-faced oily young men who should be ashamed of themselves, his morality yells wordlessly. But he is no one to judge. And if they prove to be a motivation, if they can help him get out of his block, then all the morality in the world can go to hell. 

The event isn’t as clandestine as he imagines it to be, either. Outside the venue is a board yelling out a “SHIN YUN BOK PUBLICATION AUTHORS’ CONVENTION”. The doors are wide open. The sound of chatter, the smell of food, the murmur of excitement, all floats out to the lobby just outside. 

When he enters, his face obscured by a surgical mask and a large pair of sunglasses, the place is packed. A man is on stage, calling out polite directions for crowd control. Jonghyun recognises him as his employer. Or at least, he is the guy who interviewed him over a grainy skype call late one night. He self-consciously checks his disguise and walks deeper into the fray.

A semi-circle of tables is arranged around the hall, each nominated to a writer. Upon studying the occupied seats, Jonghyun’s premise is solidified when he realises eight out of ten appear to be women. Somehow, this information impresses him.

When he ducks under the ropes and is stopped by a security guard, he points at the only empty table in wordless explanation. Some awkwardness ensues: a request for ID, a weary denial on the basis that pseudonyms aren’t on any ID, a quick consultation by text message, an unenthusiastic “OK, sir. This way, please.” Soon after, Jonghyun has taken his place and assumes the target of many pairs of staring eyes in the room. Some point and snicker, some watch him awestruck, some even take photos. Selcas! Like he is some sort of celebrity! He feels uneasy and oddly vulnerable, fidgeting with his sunglasses as they threaten to slip on the sweat beading his face.

But when the doors are finally shut and the event declared open, Jonghyun’s jealousy soars.

There are lengthy, winding lines of people waiting to speak to nearly all the other writers--but not him. No one approaches him. Not for the first ten minutes, not for the next half hour. In spite of all the staring from before, no one wants to speak with him. No one is interested in getting his signature. 

It is only now, at such a place and such a time, that a series of paranoid questions fills his head. Does anyone read his books? Does anybody like them? Is he not popular? Is his work insignificant, even in circles like these? 

If the number of people dying to speak with the others is anything to go by… then no. Jonghyun is not in the least bit popular. 

He overhears his neighbour chuckle to say things like, of course there is a sequel coming out or yes, I based that character on myself. There are squeals, there are gasps, there is enough veneration to drown Jonghyun in self-pity. Suddenly, he wishes for that love and admiration. He wishes someone would ask him interesting questions and expect fascinating answers; dote on him just the way they dote on the rest of the panel.

His jealousy is poisonous enough that it spreads through his blood. His eyes burn with it, his pulse throbs against it, he feels it bristle in and out of his nostrils with every breath. His sweat begins to sting. His solitude starts to prick. His confidence dwindles to nearly nothing. The weight of envy makes him slide lower and lower into his seat. He plays with his marker and acts nonchalant. Acts like he is unaffected. But in truth he feels like crying. He feels like going home. He feels like quitting-- 

When his latest book is suddenly slammed onto the table, he yells and jumps a foot off his seat. Eyes turn to him again, this time with thinly veiled distaste rather than disinterest. He looks up at his assailant to find a lanky young man donning fashionable sunglasses and equally fashionable clothes. 

“Sign, please,” the guy says in a tone that borders on demanding. 

------

What surprises Jonghyun isn’t the fact that he has a “fan” in someone like Lee Taemin, as he introduces himself later. It is more astonishing to him that other people immediately follow his example and accost Jonghyun with copies of his work—some that look well used and dog-eared to the point that he is afraid to touch them. More and more readers who claim to love his writing flock over, while this Taemin character stands by. Silent, watchful, critical. 

As he doles out autograph after rushed autograph, Jonghyun can’t for the life of him understand how the situation reversed itself in the blink of an eye. 

“Uh… thank you?” he expresses uncertain gratitude. “I was. Surprised.”

“Mm hmm, so what do you want to do next?” the guy counters, folding up the sleeves of his baggy tee-shirt. The crowds have long dissipated. Security has rounded up all the stragglers, even the rowdy ones trying to get too close to that overly popular writer who went by the penname of Eonsook. But no one seems bothered by Taemin. No one cares that he is still here, still engaging in lazy conversation, going at his own pace. Everything about this is so peculiar. Everything is the opposite of his expectations.

“Well, I was about to go home and eat dinner, so—”

“I meant,” an exasperated look berates him. “What do you want to do for your next project?”

There is no answer for that. Jonghyun doesn’t plan these things out. He sits in front of the screen and starts to pour things onto it until he realises none of it is usable. Then he gives up. Rinse, repeat.

But he is expected to answer now. He is expected to say something rooted in a fully formed thought. He is expected to answer this man, this person who appeared out of nowhere and somehow managed to single-handedly create the interest Jonghyun was looking forward to. So, is there also an expected answer? Is there a right and a wrong response? Should he take the question as a cue to say something else, something scripted for such interactions? He doesn’t know.

He settles for a vague, “Uhm, is there anything in particular that Taemin ssi likes to read?” If he has learnt something from his time writing about politics, it is this: the best answer to a difficult question is another question.

An indifferent shrug replies. “Don’t really care. As long as there’s sex in it.”

He’d make a great politician, Jonghyun thinks as he starts to gather his things. “Well. I’m sure you’ll find plenty to satisfy you, then,” he gestures around them at the nearly vacated hall. 

The man on the stage waves to him, he waves back. They will probably speak on the phone later on, and Jonghyun will bombard him with questions.

“But I like what you write,” Taemin continues, drawing is attention back. Physically holding his chin and turning his face so they are looking at each other again. “I want you to write more. Much more. A series!” there is a hint of excitement on those puffy lips.

Jonghyun knows not to aggravate people like him. People who are probably more dangerous than they appear to be. He takes a cautious step back. “I… I wish I could, sir. But you see—”

“I’ll pay you to do it.” A sure motion pulls an expensive-looking wallet out. A wad of cash is counted before nearly all of it is set onto the table. “An advance. I’ll give you three times that when you’ve finished the first draft. How about it?”

He stares at the fan of ten thousand won notes. Rent, he reminds himself. You must pay rent by the end of next week. But what the hell is he going to write?! “Sir, I’m… I’m really very sorry. I don’t have any plans to write the next book and. And I’m not even sure what to write so—”

“I’ll help with that,” Taemin insists. “You need ideas, I’ll give you all the ideas you need. I’ll… I’ll be your muse,” he decides.

Jonghyun stares for a long uneasy moment. Where is security and why aren’t they doing anything? he wonders. He takes another step to back away from the weird man. But the money is right there, perfect bright green rectangles that seem to have come fresh out of the mint. The overlapping portraits of Sejong the Great are all pleading with him to be pocketed. Just say yes! the king is shouting out, even in that placid gaze. You don’t have to follow through, just take the money and run! He can’t find you, anyway!

No. That would be disingenuous. That wouldn’t be right. No matter how desperate his situation, Jonghyun would never resort to thievery. He shakes his head and stays his hand, making no move to accept the money.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help you, Taemin ssi,” he bows and rushes off.

------

Their story begins and ends at Namdaemun.

She looks at its sombre face, artillery fire still marking some of its masonry and disrupting the course of the story. Their story. It is the gate that reaches out for a hug, she thinks when a cold wind picks up and threatens to swoop her shivering self away. It is the gate that offers an embrace, arms angling out from its stiff middle, like a father consoling his sad and broken child. How odd it looked in its place. How quaint, to be the only survivor of its own story. No more kings roam under its elegant archway. No more guards train their arrows from the pagoda. No more tigers rustle nearby under the cover of trees, desperate to find a meal.

This gate… this thing. It shouldn't be here. But someone has shown it their kindness and tended to it; fed it with mortar and concrete and newly painted timber. Someone has seen fit to breathe new life into it.

Their story begins and ends here.

She met him once, then many times, upon the tufts of grass framing Namdaemun. She met him and with every meeting the distance between them diminished from feet to inches to barely anything. She met him, met all of him, met every place on him with every place on herself. His hands would smell of spice. Of coal and heat and rain… perhaps he tended to a garden in their time apart. He had the gentlest hands. When he touched her, they felt like lamps against her skin. His warmth would intoxicate her.

Maybe he was made of fire, she would wonder in the hours they lay next to each other, breath stuttering and pulse racing. Maybe he was a jinn.

“You’re not small enough to fit in a lamp,” she would tease him when they'd stumble over each other.

In her loneliness, she’d dream of him, floating on clouds made of cotton. She'd imagine him traveling from land to unknown land and sea to unending sea. She would imagine him soaring, his skin burnished and his eyes like bronze.

But he is long gone, now. He has left her side and his hands warm someone else's days. She is the survivor of her own story. She is a stiff gate looking for someone to embrace, someone to comfort. She endures, just as Namdaemun endures. They stay and they wait, the gate and her, in the hope that someday there will be a finale to their respective stories.

And then they will breathe a unified sigh of relief.

------

Jonghyun supposes it would’ve been wise to expect a second meeting.

He is still shocked when the time comes: a buzz from downstairs, a murmured excuse about routine maintenance, a knock on the door that sounds far too eager to be just pest control. 

When he opens the door to find the familiar lanky frame, he panics. There are no more disguises obscuring the distance between them now. Each man is plainly visible to the other. Jonghyun feels caught. Trapped, like a wild animal hunted until metal teeth closed around his leg. He frantically searches for something to hide behind, forgetting that he could simply shut the door again.

The creepy man named Lee Taemin invites himself in. He saunters casually, ambling the length of the hallway, looking around the room and humming, appraising it, measuring it. Measuring Jonghyun, who is still shocked and unable to react in a way that protects him.

“Wh-what’re you—?!” he begins when some of the shock has worn off.

“You don’t make a lot of money, do you?” Taemin cuts him off. “Why don’t you accept my offer? I’ll pay you plenty. More than you’ve probably ever seen. Then you can move out of this dump.” Even as he says this, he runs an appreciative hand over a row of books. “I can help you realise all your dreams, you know?”

“How did you even find me?!” Jonghyun counters. 

“Does it matter?” the other drawls, shaking his head in exasperation. He swings his arms around himself as he walks, and when his palms meet, he lets them clap together. Like he’s out on a relaxing stroll in the park. Everything about the setting is preposterous. “I tracked you down, now I’m here, and I’m giving you a second chance. Isn’t that what’s important?”

He stares, trying to figure out this puzzle of a human being. What is this guy? How is he so at ease right now? What is this game he’s playing and why? Why with Jonghyun, of all people? Does everything out of his mouth sound like that? Like a simple fairy tale? I’ll do this, then you do this, then we’ll live happily ever after. Ridiculous!

He’s only ever seen people like that on dramas. Badly written and poorly acted dramas.

“Please leave,” Jonghyun requests, maintaining a formal tone despite all the peculiarity of the setup. “Or I'll call the police.”

Taemin clicks his tongue. “Not until you answer me.”

“Sir, I can’t be bought for no reason.”

“But I’m giving you a reason,” Taemin points out as if the concept is too difficult for Jonghyun to understand. Which it is. “I pay you, you write for me. I like what you write, I pay you to do more. It’s like…” he gestures, standing in the middle of the room, his stance oddly graceful and formidable at the same time. “Like when a king enjoyed an artist of his court and promised his patronage,” he illustrates. “That’s what we’ll be like.”

The smile on his face is a perfect representation of a magician’s. Maybe he is something of a trickster, Jonghyun thinks. Maybe he likes to put on a show and confuse people.

“The publication house already pays me,” he informs. 

“After you finish the book,” he is challenged. It isn’t a lie, but how does this guy even know?1 “And only proportional to the sales. I’ll pay you regardless. In fact,” Taemin points. “I want you to write these books especially for me. My eyes only.”

So that’s it? Jonghyun wonders. Just a rich kid feeding his own kinks? He scoffs and rakes through his hair, sitting down at his desk to think.

He decides to consider it, because yes, he needs the money. Yes, he wants to stop living in fear of sleeping hungry. Yes, he doesn’t want to be destitute at the age of thirty-one, before he’s even had a real relationship, let alone marry and have kids. 

But can he really uphold his end of a deal like that? Can he really write what this guy is expecting him to write?

“I’m not good at… at sexy things,” he finally declares, motioning with his hands as if to show they were empty. “I have to work very hard at it. I can’t do it the way the rest of the authors do, and—” he sighs, remembering the way crazed readers had flocked to everyone else’s tables. Remembering his sales numbers, and the words of the manager of the obscure bookstore as he complained about having to lug all the unsold copies back into storage.

Trash, he’d called them.

“Really, I’m not even sure why you came to me, when someone like… I don’t know. Eonsook? She’s the better choice, clearly.”

Taemin walks closer, his lips pursed like he is thinking of a convincing argument. Maybe he is, from the way his eyes are so focused and bright. There is an unbreakable determination in his every movement. He crouches in front of Jonghyun, sighing as he looks up. 

“Your first book,” he begins. “A story about a man with a delusion. That he is in love with a woman. They fight, then they grow close together. And then, the man is cured through therapy. But,” he clicks his fingers. “His delusion has been passed to the woman. Brilliant idea,” he compliments. “Excellent writing. And yeah, sure, the sex stuff left a lot to be desired but…” he shrugs. “I liked the story. I liked that there was more to look forward to than just two people going at it. And you wrote to tell us that story, not to satisfy my needs, I could see that,” he assures. “So why not do more of that?”

Jonghyun gives a soft laugh despite himself. “Because that book sold less than a hundred copies. And the feedback was dismal—”

“Fuck the feedback,” Taemin shakes his head, a frown creasing his features. He looks young; too young to be involved in disreputable matters like this. Or… maybe at the perfect age to waste his time on such prurient endeavours. “Fuck what any of them think. They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“And you do?” Jonghyun doesn’t mean to be so standoffish but he cannot help it. Here is a stranger, coming out of nowhere, to validate him and say nice things about his pathetic attempts at writing. Here is someone trying to convince him that sales don’t matter, popularity doesn’t matter, even the adoration of the readers doesn’t matter. Then what does? Jonghyun confronts with a scowl. What does this guy know?

Taemin chuckles. “All I know is this. I like everything you write.”

------

“This world is built on supply and demand,” Taemin explains. 

He’s still here, hours later. By Jonghyun’s benevolence, of course. They are sitting on the floor, a laptop with a blank word document between them. The cursor is blinking… blinking incessantly. It taunts with each flicker.

Tell your story, Taemin said to him. Tell your story. Write it all down. Whatever you’re thinking of. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as your put it down in words.

Easy to say. Because try as he might, he doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t even have the shadow of a beginning, forget the middle and the end. There is no story in his mind, no words waiting at his fingertips. 

This is a waste of time.

Taemin continues regardless. “The readers of this kind of stuff... their lives are filled with disappointment. With reality. They want the impossible: sultry encounters, beautiful getaways, improbable scenarios. You see?” he signals like his words are shedding light on abstruse philosophical concepts. “They want what they can’t have. And writers like Eonsook understand that. They supply that demand. That's why she’s always making bestsellers.”

Jonghyun considers this for a moment, seeing some truth in those claims. He takes a look around his own apartment, eyes roving over the small desk and small sofa and small kitchen. It is a liveable space, he reckons. It is better than a half-basement, or a slum with toxic asbestos roofing and poor access. But he is aware that in the bigger picture, he is still poor. He is confined. He is restricted. He is at the bottom of a heavy and insurmountable hill. 

Disaffection comes easily to people like him. And short of being on the wrong side of the law, there is only one way to be at ease with his circumstances.

To pretend.

“But you? You fuck everything up,” Taemin carries on, amusement in his features. “You take that supply-demand model and turn it on its head. You say, I decide what I'll write. I decide what I produce. This is my art, not my bread. This is more than a paycheck for me. This is more than a popularity contest for me. That's what I see you think, and…” he shakes his head, chuckling as he reclines on his palms. “I gotta say, I find that really ballsy.”

A small balloon of pride inflates Jonghyun’s chest at the words, to his own surprise. He shifts and clears his throat. “Th-that’s all well and fine, but… but it doesn’t help that no one will read my stories.”

“Tell me something,” the other contests. “Why did you start writing in the first place? And—” he holds up a finger between them. “Don’t tell me it’s for the money. You could do anything and earn money. Why this specifically?”

“W-well, because… because what else am I going to do with a major in—?”

“No,” another shake of the head stops him. “No. Don’t answer from up here,” Taemin taps his temple. “This isn’t about rationality. This is about how you feel. About why you feel that way. Give me the answer in here,” he reaches forward and pokes a finger into the centre of Jonghyun’s chest.

He stares at the perfectly shaped fingernail, at the faint pink that dissipates into flesh below the joint. Why does he write? What compels him to scribble on stray pieces of paper? What makes him put his thoughts down on phone notes? What is it that surges in his chest when he’s in the shower, when he’s about to go to sleep, when he’s listening to a beautifully sad song for the first time? What makes him write? 

“I… I have a lot to say,” he concludes. It feels like an admission of guilt—freeing. Splitting the restraints he’d been struggling against for… perhaps, years. It is like a large weight has come off his shoulders and now he can stand up straight. Now he can float off the ground. Now he can fly. He sighs and closes his eyes. “I have a lot to say. About… everything. And I—” he shakes his head, looks up from the finger, glances at the blank screen, turns his attention to the face of someone who is listening. Someone who is here and who does not appear to be in any hurry to leave.

“I really want someone to listen.”

With a pleased smirk, Taemin tilts his head and nods. “So start talking.”

------

He wonders what sounds he would hear, if he were up on the moon. 

Would he hear the distant roll of waves? The rushing and ebbing of tides, their froth effervescent in the shell of his ears, their folding and retreating as sharp as the feeling of sand between his toes. Would he hear the occasional beep of a passing space shuttle? Would he see the face of another human in the window of the craft as it zooms past, their hands mirroring a wave and their faces reflecting each other's smiles? 

What would he hear in that vacuum? 

Would he hear the patter of his heartbeat, like water dribbling off a tin roof to roll along the eaves and fall against leaves, touch the ground, seep into the earth and become lost? Would he hear it speeding and softening like the tides, waxing and waning like the moon, repeating itself over and over, spinning like the earth does, like the stars do, like this universe does? Or would he feel an urgency in his lungs, the frenzy to drink in as much breath as he could, to gather as much oxygen in each inhale and retain it until his sight shook and his hearing went dissonant and he realised that he could hear nothing on the moon?

Nothing?

Maybe it would be hope. Maybe he would hear the sound of unfiltered sunlight hitting his skin. Maybe he would hear the whisper of a solar wind playing with his hair. Maybe he would hear his smile, his happiness, his joy even in solitude like that. Maybe he would hear something like that. Maybe it would be melodious to his ears, maybe he would dance to it, on the ashen rigoleth, the dead and cracked surface of the moon. Maybe he would float from crater to crater and find himself repeating circles, large ellipses that never ended. No beginning and no end. Maybe he would hear the most perfect sounds that ever existed. Maybe he would hear the sonorous representation of heaven.

Maybe the moon is full of music.

------

Jonghyun stretches his arms and arches his back, rolling his neck tiredly. The light outside his windows has dimmed by a large degree. The sun has gone down hours ago, without his noticing. He blinks and feels around himself to reach for a light switch. An afterimage of the laptop screen remains in his vision for a while as he stands on complaining legs and ankles. A grumble in his stomach alerts him of the time. Dinner time. 

“Taemin ssi…?” he calls out, rubbing his eyes. “Taemin—”

It takes him a moment to realise he is alone. “Eh?” he scratches his cheek, trying to recall the sound of the door opening and shutting. He can’t tell how long it has been since the other left. There are no traces of his visit, no discarded teacups, no dirty plates with crumbs, nothing. He checks the bedroom, the bathroom, just to be sure. But it’s true: he has been a bad host. 

Jonghyun really has been doing nothing but writing. 

Searching for his phone to type out an apology, he realises belatedly that he doesn’t have a contact saved under “Lee Taemin.” With a repentant pout, he hums to himself. Next time, he promises himself. I’ll make it up to him next time.

When he’s settled down in front of his laptop again, this time with a steaming bowl of kal-guksu, he makes a choked sound at how much he has typed. Scrolling through page upon page of a very coherent-looking storyline, a reverberating surprise runs its course through him. Did he really do all this? Was that guy really serious about all that stuff? Has his inspiration finally returned to him, after all this time, all these years?

A muse… he feels the hint of a smile playing under his cheeks. He has a muse. 

“That… isn’t that something imaginary?” Minho asks him when he excitedly gushes about the encounter. “Like, something that old men used to think up so they could make paintings and all that?” 

“You’re just looking for an excuse to call me old,” Jonghyun dismisses. They’re lying on Minho’s carpet, listening to music. The sun is streaming through tall slider doors, and the usual sound of traffic is absent on a Sunday morning like this. Even the shadows look blue, their hue fluid and sparkling like light bouncing off of water. He feels calm, he feels like he is cradled in a hammock. As they relax side-by-side and read off their phones, there is a plot swirling in the back of Jonghyun’s mind. It buzzes and stirs, waiting to break out and lay itself down in orderly lines and sentences. He nurses it, pets its back, scratches it between its ears. He gives it a name. 

But it can wait.

“Look at this,” he scrolls through a namuwiki article on the Muses, holding it out for the other to see. “It says this famous novelist from America calls his bowling trophy a muse. Wah…! He’s written so many famous books!” 

“He’s old, too,” Minho snorts before he’s swatted at by an annoyed Jonghyun. “OK, OK!” he defends. “OK. I get it. You have a muse. So, is she hot?” he grins and rolls onto his elbows, a happy glimmer in his large eyes. “Does she pose for you? Do you get to take her on dates? How does it work?”

“It’s a guy,” Jonghyun frowns. 

“Really?” Minho hums, the slightest disenchantment pulling at his lips. “But it says here that muses are supposed to be beautiful women. Look,” he wrests the phone away from his friend and goes to the image section of the article. 

His point is proven by several old and colourful depictions of elegantly posed women, loose garments draped over their voluptuous fronts. There is no hint of an awkward lanky male form in dark and brooding clothes that blend him into his bleak surroundings. The women’s expressions are calm and filled with wisdom, unlike Taemin’s youthful fervour. The only feature that is barely reminiscent of the young man are the dark, mystical eyes.

Something inside Jonghyun grows uneasy.

“I mean…” he shrugs, hoping to give an explanation. He doesn’t have one, not at that moment. He doesn’t know how to defend his experience. All he knows is a name, some very sound advice, and the promise of money… money he hasn’t yet received, mind. He realises he is dealing with a stranger, after all. That if he isn’t careful, his prefatory suspicions of Taemin being a dangerous guy might still come true.

“Look, why don’t I introduce the two of you when he visits again?” he offers as justification, trying to push the issue aside. “You’ll like him, he’s got an... entertaining sort of personality, you’ll see—”

“I have a better idea,” Minho rejects the response. “Why don’t you just let me read one of your books, eh? I searched for your name and nothing comes up, you know? Are you really getting published at all? Or are they just taking you for a ride and stealing your work—?”

“Let’s just,” Jonghyun holds his hands up between them. He feels alarmed at the turn their conversation has taken. “Look. Let’s talk about this later, OK?”

“Hyung…” Minho makes an exasperated face, but he’s a good friend. His words are rooted in concern. He slowly settles back onto the floor, giving up on his argument, intertwining their legs. The soothing sounds from his music system take over once again.

What remains is Jonghyun’s fear of losing a dear friend.

------

“Who are you, really?” he shoots his misgivings the first chance he gets.

It has been many weeks since their last meeting. He has been progressively furthering the new book, or whatever it turns out to be in the end. What first sat as an idea in his scribbled notes has grown tall and strong. He now has chapters, and multiple plotlines that diverge from and converge on each other. He has dialogues, he has beats, he has imagery, he has descriptions. He has woven all the ends to make one whole, one complete mass, one continuous flow. Things are coming together, and Jonghyun is amazed at his own progress.

But his gratitude doesn’t dilute his distrust.

As soon as he barges into the apartment, Taemin demands to read through whatever there is so far. For a long time, he sits reposed on the sofa: silent for once, interest wavering only when he is addressed.

“Huh?”

“Are you just some rich chaebol kid looking to spend his dad’s money? Is this… just fun for you?” Jonghyun expounds on the interrogation. There is some insecurity in his tone, some residual lack of confidence from previous encounters that have left him wounded. Even he can tell. But he continues, unabashed in his self-preservation. “All this… this muse stuff. What’s in it for you?”

“I told you,” Taemin offers an apathetic shrug. “I like your writing.”

“I thought you like books with lots of sex,” Jonghyun frowns and counters, pointing at the tablet in the other’s hold. “I don’t have any of that in there.”

“Are you planning on keeping it that way?”

“Well, I wasn’t really going to, but—wait, no, listen to me,” he is nearly distracted, and the momentary look of triumph on Taemin’s face leaves him flustered. “I need to know who you are. I need to know why you’re doing this, and I need to know now,” he places his ultimatum. “Or I’m not writing another word.”

Taemin sits up and releases a slow exhale. His gaze is amused. It roves over his host, appraising him like a teacher would a child on his first day of school.  

“What if I don’t tell you?” he posits. It’s not a challenge. His tone is chatty, conversational. As if he’s asking, what if cars could fly. He leans forward and smiles that magician smile again. “What will it change, if you know? Is it going to fix your life? Is it going to rid you of all your problems? Is the world going to make sense?” he motions with his hands. “Of course not. So why do you want to know?”

“Because—!” Jonghyun wants to say it will sate his curiosity, but he can’t admit that. Something about that feels like a confession. He can’t speak his mind like that.

“Look, I like that you’re curious,” Taemin reads his mind anyway, still smiling. “I like that you want to learn about things you don’t understand. I think that’s important for a writer. But I think what’s more important is figuring out what the real question is.”

He blinks with confusion. “The real question…?” he shakes his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re writing this thing,” the other waves the tablet. “And you’ve advanced really far into the storyline. Things are getting exciting, characters are finally starting to become full people I can be invested in. I can’t put this book down even if the house was burning,” he compliments. “But there’s something missing. And I can’t tell what it is, except that it exists. In there,” another poke into Jonghyun’s ribcage. “Maybe the question you should be asking then, is what is missing? What else do you need? What else is there for you to find?”

A clearing of the throat, a shift of the seat. Jonghyun won’t acknowledge it, but the words resonate with him.

Missing. Something is missing. Something needs to be found. Something is waiting to be discovered. Something that he requires to complete this story… or maybe complete himself. Something that once sat in an empty slot in his chest must be recovered. He doesn’t mean for the thought to be so profound. But it is that very same profoundness that makes him believe it’s probably true. Something is missing inside him. Something is missing from his life. Something is missing from his world. And he needs to find it.

“Will you help me look?” he entreats his muse.

A magnanimous stretch of the arms replies. “It’s what I’m here for,” Taemin grins and falls back onto the cushions, continuing to read.

------

They stand outside the apartment block and Jonghyun is still not sure about this.

“Look, I really don’t think—” he starts to beseech, but Taemin silences him with a wave of his hand. He clicks on one of the call buttons and a ring starts to go, only raising the panic in Jonghyun’s gut.

“Just meet with her,” the other persuades, rational as always.

When someone answers on the other side of the line, it’s as if his entire body freezes until he is nudged. “U-uhh… yes. M-my name is uh… I mean. That is—”

“Is this a prank call?” the woman asks with anger in her voice.

Another nudge shakes his senses up. “N-no…!” Jonghyun insists. “Uhm, we—you and I. We work for the same company. M-miss Eonsook.”

A long pause. Some rustling of cloth. Some whispered conversation in the background. Then the woman’s voice returns. “OK, come on up,” she finally acquiesces before a loud buzz swings the front door open.

“Go!” Taemin hisses at him, grinning wide under the dark sunglasses that have become his signature.

The building isn’t much different from Jonghyun’s own apartment block, but there is something lighter about everything. It feels… nicer. There are planters with pretty flowers along the corridor. The lifts are clean and fully functional. The walls are devoid of posters and advertisements. TV sets can be heard outside some of the doors, as can the whistle of pressure cookers and the nagging of mothers. The atmosphere is homely, welcoming. He doesn’t feel like he’s intruding on anything, so he continues to walk in confidently.

He reads the numbers on each unit as he passes by, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings and wishing Taemin were accompanying him.

When he’s at the door he was looking for, he rings the bell and waits.

The woman who answers him is somewhat recognizable. He remembers seeing the straight jet-black hair, the round jaw, the parrot-hooked nose, the no-nonsense stare. Even if he has never before glimpsed her puffy lips or heard her soft voice, he remembers her from the fan-meeting—and possibly from other occasions, when they bumped into each other at the publication office.

Nobody can tell she is one of the most popular writers in the country.

“Ah, hello,” he bows low and his sunglasses slip off his face to clatter to the ground. He scrambles to put them back on, but simply pockets the disguise when he notices the turn in her mouth. “M-my name is—”

“You must be the person who writes as Grapefruit,” she guesses correctly. Her diction holds a soft lisp. Barely there, unlike Minho’s often baby-like pronunciations. He blushes and nods at the floor in response to the question.

“Come in,” she invites him, the grille door swinging outwards.

Other than the ordinary-looking furnishings, her home is full of photos. As he pulls the surgical mask to his chin and wanders through the apartment, Jonghyun cannot help but study them all, turn by careful turn. All over the walls she has displayed pictures of herself, her family, her friends, and another woman. A sister, he guesses at first, before correcting himself when his eyes go to a shockingly intimate polaroid.

He doesn’t realize he is staring until he hears his host pointedly clear her throat.

“Some juice?” Eonsook offers the glass on a tray. He accepts and stands awkwardly for a few minutes, shifting from foot to foot.

“Y-you have a very nice place—” he begins.

“So,” Eonsook cuts him off, showing him a seat. “How can I help?”

“H-help?” he blinks, his thoughts clouded.

She raises her eyebrows, wets her lips, digs her teeth into the lower one. “It’s a polite way of asking why you’re here,” she clarifies. He can tell there is laughter waiting to bounce out of her throat. In everything she does, there is an underlying strain of confidence. She exudes it in waves that come off her and lap at his own chest, nearly pushing him back with their force.

“R-right! Yes, of course,” he jumbles with the glass in his hold, looking around for a moment before accepting the proffered seat. “I—I came to ask you for… for advice.”

She follows his example and sinks into an armchair, crossing her legs and watching him for a moment. A long and entertained moment. “Oh?”

“Y-yes…” he insists. “You see. I’m—I’m currently working on this book, and. And I’m at this part that I need to research before I write it. So…”

“What kind of part?” her interest is immediate.

He tries to think of a way to describe it, nervously scratching the back of his neck and fumbling with the collar of his tee shirt. He feels unreasonably nervous, cognizant of the sweat beginning to stream down his back. “W-well…” he tries.

“Is it a sexy part?” she asks.

“N-not really.”

“Hmm, I guessed as much,” she leans back into her chair. “I’ve read your work. You’re not much of an erotic writer, are you, Grapefruit ssi?” she sums him up with narrowed eyes. And yet, there isn’t any sign of malice in her observation. He glance is approving, in fact. Admiring. “Your stories are very different. Emotional. They’re for a very… cerebral audience. Is that always your intent?” she asks with some fascination in her gaze.

He blinks up at the ceiling, thinking of a genuine answer, not wanting to disappoint her for some nameless reason.

“No,” he concedes after a while. “I think it’s just… because of the kind of person I am. I think it requires me falling in love first before… before my characters fall in love.” He runs a finger over the rim of his condensate-covered glass, nodding contemplatively for a moment. “W-what about you?” he asks. “What is your intent? When you write, I mean.”

She hums, crossing her arms across her front. “Intent…” she hisses a breath in. “There doesn’t always have to be one, you know?” she says conversationally. “Like you said, we can feel very strongly about something, and then write about it. Tell a story around it. I think that’s possible,” she accepts. And when she smiles, he feels an odd sense of solidarity with her.

“What… what does Eonsook ssi feel strongly about?”

The woman smirks. “You were staring at her just now,” comes the simply reply. Accompanying it is the smooth motion of a hand coming up to support her chin, a ring glinting on its third finger.

Jonghyun bumbles an apology.

“There is nothing else I feel as strongly about,” she reveals. “There is no one I love as much, no one I care about as much, no one who matters to me as much. And so,” she holds out a hand between them. “I write about her. About us. I suppose…” she finishes with a grin, a clever gleam nestled in her eyes. “I suppose you can say she’s my muse.”

“A muse…!” Jonghyun’s heart runs on a treadmill at the words. “Do you think…” he begins, shifting forward in his seat. She mirrors the movement. “Do you think you could teach me? How you find the courage to tell your stories?” he requests.

“Courage?” Eonsook chuckles. “It doesn’t take courage to make people happy, Grapefruit ssi,” she shakes her head. “Because that is what we do. We ultimately make people happy with our work. They read it, they smile, they feel good. Maybe they forget about it after some time. Maybe some of it stays with them for years. Who knows?” she shrugs. “As long as we get them to smile.”

He feels awe at that. “As long as they smile…” he nods again, this time in understanding.

------

With every jump of his hips, he is filled with a murder of crows that flutter to the far edges of his body—to the villages settled in his fingertips and the townships developed in his toenails. With every jump of his hips the leaves inside him quiver from the force, as birds take to the skies between his stomach and lungs.

When they travel, when they journey through him, his sighs tell the tale of that journey. They sing like bards, reciting how the crows travel carrying messages tied to their feet. The sighs paint pictures of beaks pecking at his outer edges, his boundaries, his geographical territories. With every jump of his hips he is breaking those boundaries, violating the treaties that hold those borders sacred. With every jump, he is less self-contained, less of an uncontested dominion.

He secedes. He surrenders his independence. He lets himself be taken captive by the thrum of the man below him. Inside him.

With every jump of his hips, he abdicates the throne of his identity. He makes the other king. Gives his crown to another head. And the crows carry news of this shift in power to all the lands that were once under his reign. They carry the news, propelled by the sighs, released at every breath, every hitch, every gasp. Every jump.

In his own kingdom, he is now a pauper.

To have meaning, to be defined by a name and description—all this no longer applies to him. The other man has changed his definition. The other man has made him… not him. But if he is not himself, who is he? If he is not who he was born as, if he is no longer the man he introduced himself as, who is he? What is his name, now? What can he call himself? How will he present himself to strangers, if he is a stranger to his own self? If he looked himself up online, what would the results be? Would they just become strange unreadable symbols?

If he is not himself, then he does not exist: or, at least… this is what he has always thought to be true.

But now his hips jump, and his voice breaks, and he calls out a name that doesn’t belong to him. With every jump, he becomes a blurry existence.

------

They grow close, Eonsook and Jonghyun. They become friends.

She talks to him often, sometimes on the phone, other times over dinner. On a second visit to her apartment, he learns the other woman from the photos is Gwiboon, who talks a mile a minute and laughs like an erupting volcano. The two of them accept Jonghyun like he has always belonged in their life, always had a place in their home and their hearts. They are kind to him. They are kinder than most others have been.

Perhaps because there is nothing to hide from them. He doesn't have to lie about what he does for a living, doesn't have to make up stories about how he spends his free time. He doesn't have to shut his doors and draw his curtains with them. There is nothing to be ashamed of, in their company.

It's freeing.

Jonghyun continues to write, faster and longer than ever before. He writes like he breathes. He enjoys how uninhibited it makes him feel. He finds himself feeling more and more confident about this story, even going back to the rejected manuscript and making edits with a red marker. He meets Taemin at a café and spends most of the time scribbling in a notepad as they hide from other patrons in a corner booth.

With every page he writes, a mass of pride grows in his ribcage.

“So, what now?” Taemin asks him one afternoon, having finished the latest draft and giving it his seal of approval. “Where does the story go from here?”

“Hmm...” Jonghyun nurses a cup of coffee. It is early in the morning. He has been organising his books and wardrobe and even his thoughts while the other read. He has been carefully making his way through all that needs to be settled—in his writing and outside it.

“I could write some more about the way the characters feel. You know, build more plot buffer. Or,” he gives half a shrug. “I could. Resolve it in a certain way.”

“A certain way,” Taemin raises an eyebrow. “What way?”

“Well. They could. I don't know. Fall in love, and—” the other is vehemently shaking his head before Jonghyun even finishes his sentence. “What? Why not?!”

“Too forced,” Taemin disapproves. “It would just be pandering to your readers, when the story doesn’t naturally flow that way. Consider everything that’s happened. There is no justification for them falling in love. All they've done is meet a few times and exchange... banter.”

“Sometimes that's enough!” Jonghyun defends, then softens. “Is... is it not?”

“You tell me.”

“No, you tell me!” Jonghyun insists. “Is it not enough for them to know each other? To enjoy the company? To... to feel comfortable with each other? That should be enough sometimes, right? Wouldn't that be enough for you?”

“Is that the real question—?”

“Yes! Yes, it is!” Jonghyun shouts, and as he does, he is painfully aware of the fact that this is not how he had planned for this conversation to ensue. He is conscious of the fact that he has made it a confrontation rather than keeping it within the bounds of an emotional exchange. There is a feeling of being put under an unannounced spotlight, its glare harsh against his face. He breathes hard, gripping the edge of the kitchen counter before him, doubling over in preparation for the rest of his episode.

“Yes, it is,” he repeats in a quieter, gentler tone. When he straightens up, he stares at the other with pleading eyes.

“What am I to you?” he repeats with some desperation.

Taemin looks satisfied at the question, like he has been waiting a long time for it to emerge. He remains relaxed despite the friction, despite the anxiety in his host. He continues to smile like an illusionist, continues to watch like a judge. “Before I answer that,” he begins in a calm, collected voice. “And I will answer it. But before I do, I need to you to tell me first: what am I to you?”

The reaction enrages him. “No,” Jonghyun warns. “No. Enough games. Enough running around in circles. You’re never honest with me. You only talk about this… this shit!” he angrily motions at the tablet the other had been reading from. “You can’t avoid this anymore. You have to answer me now.” He holds a hand up between them and counts. “Who are you? Why are you helping me? What do I mean to you?”

“Hmm,” Taemin rocks back and forth. “You really want me to tell you?”

Jonghyun makes wide, aggravated motions. “Who else will—?!”

“You want me,” Taemin clarifies. “To tell you. Who I am,” he raises his eyebrows. “You really don’t know? Have you really not known? All this time?”

“That’s why I’m asking—!”

“No, you’re not,” the protest is cut off. “You’re asking because other people are asking: what does he do in there all day, who is he with, who is this muse he’s talking about all of a sudden. You’re asking because you need to give them an answer. An answer that isn’t really the answer,” the corner of Taemin’s lip turns up. “Isn’t it?”

“Wh-what…?” Jonghyun shakes his head, the hair on his arms standing on end.

Taemin skips off his stool, meanders around the counter, advances on him.

Jonghyun’s breath sounds like an elasticized gong. His inhales are like rubber bands, stretching on for hours and hours. He is buzzing, like he sits inside something alive. Inside a heart and the lights decorating Namdaemun at night are made of lamps that glow soft and warm as if someone is holding him in an embrace and showering him with solace while their eyes are speaking to him in a different tongue in a speech of a foreign land where jinn live and grant wishes and there is nothing to see for miles except murders of crows carrying messages on their feet telling the world that the empire has fallen the world is coming to an end and the—

------

Mapo bridge.

It talks to him. It asks how he is, if he’s eaten yet. It tells him to turn his head up and look at the blue sky once. It tells him it loves him. It tells him that the brightest moments in his life are yet to come.

Jonghyun cries hard enough that his body shakes from the force. Minho stands very close, looking worried and reaching out for a hug. But he is told to wait. Not yet. He is told to wait, Jonghyun will need him soon.

Words are everything he is. Words are his life and soul. His bone and sinew. His drifting days and sleepless nights. Words have created him, penned him down—not the other way around. They have built him up, bound his loose pages and given him a spine. They have made him Kim Jonghyun. They have made him a writer, a poet, an artist. They have made him what he is. And he would never have realised this, were it not for Taemin.

Were it not for himself.

“I write for myself,” he claims to the sad and bloated waters of the Han, knowing the other is listening. Somewhere. From within the crevasses of his mind, Taemin is listening. “I write for myself.” It is a heavy claim to make. It is heavy as lead. It is tied to Jonghyun's feet as he trains to run his ink across a coastline. The claim is heavy enough to need lugging around on his hipbone. It is heavy, it is full. Like an earthen pot spilling its contents.

His face is drenched when he speaks those hefty words, when he acknowledges them. He sobs and his fingers tighten on the rails of the bridge, the place he would often visit when he felt sad and alone. But he isn’t alone. Minho is here for him. Eonsook and Gwiboon wait in a car nearby. And Taemin.

Taemin exists in the beats of his pulse.

Behind him, traffic swishes past. In front of him, the river hushes his crying. “I write for myself,” he lets go of the full pot and watches it splash, watches its shards rock a little on the ground, after they've separated from the whole.

많이 힘들었구나

He touches the words of the bridge and nearly answers out loud. He nearly says yes. Yes. It was tiring. It was terrifyingly easy to give up on my dreams. He rocks a little in place and finally Minho gathers him into a tight hold, stroking circles on his back.

It was awful, Jonghyun wants to say. But I found him. I found myself. I found contentment. I found it. And now I can walk away from you saying yes. Yes, it was tiring. It was hard. But now my breath comes easily. My heart beats easily. My life runs easily. I am alive. I am free. I am happy.

I love myself.

[autolenaphilia]

The Cybersix comics

So now i’ve read most Cybersix comics that are available in English scanlations. Mainly Pharmadan’s stuff. 

And it is very different from the cartoon adaptation previously reviewed here, very different indeed.

Anyway, the comics were created by Argentinian creators Carlos Trillo (scripts) and Carlos Meglia (art), in the early 1990s. And yes, i do think of them as Carlos & Carlos or the the two Carloses.

The premise is one i recognize from the cartoon adaptation. It is about the superhero Cybersix, a product of genetic engineering that has rebelled against her evil creator and fights the other products of his mad science, led by his clone son José.Her cover as a male literature school teacher named Adrian. She finds a friend in Lucas, the school’s biology teacher, with who she also sexual/romantic tension. Her allies include another product of the villain’s mad science, Data-7, who has the body of a panther and Julian, a street urchin she adopted.

But the approach the comic book source material took to this is very different. The cartoon tv show is meant for children, even if it is on the darker side for such things. The comic is clearly meant for adults, and has a transgressive attitude with lots of violence and sex. And it is still almost 30 years later very shocking and offensive, it certainly was to me and I still kinda liked it. The word “problematic” has been much abused, but it still applies.

You could compare it to something out of the 90s “dark age” of American super hero comics, but to me the tone reminded me of artistic, provocative and very sexualized European comics, like something out of Métal Hurlant.

I’m therefore going to leave the rest of this review under a cut. Also it is getting kinda long. This might be a good point to put out some content warnings, ignore them at your own risk.

Content warning:: Discussions of: violence, racism, nazism, racist caricatures, sexualization of women, prostitution mention and (most disturbingly) sexual themes involving underage people (ick)

(most of this applies to the comic if you decide to read it, it can be worth checking out, but replace “discussion” and “mention” with just depiction, so be prepared for that.)

For one thing, the villain is clearly a nazi scientist who escaped from Germany to South America after the war. He is even named Von Reichter (the cartoon goes with Von Richter). This gives the comic a strong political edge. I don’t know exactly how controversial Argentina’s former status as a haven for escaped Nazis is in that country. But it probably is very controversial. Taking that subject in a critical manner might very well have been a genuinely brave move on part of the creators.

There is also the violence you might expect from a superhero comic. José is a particularly brutal villain this time around. Although Cybersix is remarkably non-violent. When she draws the sustenance she needs vampire-like from Von Reichter’s creations, she avoids killing them.

Concerning Cybersix’s gender, the comic doesn’t have the ambiguity of the cartoon. This time, it’s clear what her gender identity is, Cybersix is a woman.

Her male identity is merely a disguise. Adrian Seidelman is a person who dies in a car accident who looks kinda like Cybersix, who has no legal status, and therefore she decides to steal his identity.

Cybersix remains an interesting character, but i frankly prefer the ambiguity of the cartoon.

Her questioning of her own humanity due to her origins was also in the comic and is a strong theme in her internal monologue here.

Interestingly from a gender perspective, she has this need to prove to herself that she is not just human, but specifically a woman.

II is hard to avoid the subject of sexuality when talking about this comic, for it is almost omnipresent here. Cybersix is a very sexualized character. Her costume design is far from the worst example in comics, but like so many superheroines still designed with titillation in mind.

I found it hilarious that the comic’s actual explanation for the costume is that Cybersix stole it from the wardrobe of a literal sex worker. (the reason Cybersix broke into her home is that she was actually a Von Reichter creation that had infiltrated human society).

But this comic goes beyond most american comics and actually shows Cybersix naked surprisingly often. Her relationship with Lucas gets fairly explicit. If you find the crop of these panels odd sometimes, it’s because I’m trying to avoid showing something that breaks tumblr guidelines.

But the sexualization of Cybersix is actually a minor problem. The nude panels of her are almost quaint, like watching an old movie from the 70s which doesn’t bother to cutaway when a couple gets undressed. It isn’t really that disturbing, especially compared to the creepy sexuality in the rest of the comic.

I didn’t mention Lori in my review of the cartoon. She is one of Adrian’s students who in the cartoon has a crush on him. That is kinda a disturbing theme in itself, but in the cartoon it is no big deal, because it is fairly toned down. In the comic, she is much, much worse.

She is obsessed with Adrian and very explicitly wants to have sex with him. Remember, Lori is a teenage schoolgirl. She also doesn’t care much for the concept of consent. For example, she mails Adrian her nudes unsolicited, and that is about the least worst thing she does. I’m not saying that isn’t terrible in itself, it is just that Lori does way worse things in this comic. You can understand this gets very uncomfortable to read about very quickly.

To be fair, while the trope of the sex-obsessed woman is often a male fantasy, it is very possible that Lori is supposed to be disturbing, rather than sexy. She is even drawn in a rather grotesque manner.

José is even worse. He has only the body of a child, but the mind of a man, including sexually. It isn’t nearly as prominent part of his character as it is with Lori, but this also becomes disgusting rather quickly, for obvious reasons. And then Lori and José meet and do it, oh my god. Although José’s sexuality is almost certainly meant to be creepy.

(because the world is full of people who can’t read properly I probably need to say: no, i don’t support pedophilia even if I think this comic also has its positive sides. Also, even though I can’t really speak for them and they have both passed away long ago, I’m pretty sure Carlos & Carlos didn’t support pedophilia either, if you can even call what horrors that go on in this comic that. Depiction in fiction doesn’t equal endorsement and all that.

This might be obvious from everything I written, but i have seen bad misreadings of what people write and the resulting misinformation spread so quickly on the internet, that writing out the obvious might be necessary. )

I must also talk about the depiction of race in this comic, which is odd. There are two important characters here, who are for lack of a better word, racialized.

One is a black man who saves Cybersix from Von Reichter when she was a child. She regards him as her father. The other is Miao Yashimoto, a Japanese private detective. His sister is kidnapped by Von Reichter, who forces Yashimoto to act against Cybersix, but he eventually becomes her ally.

Now describing them here, it doesn’t sound bad at all. That’s because their personality and role in the story isn’t the problem, it is how they are drawn. They, especially Yashimoto are very much racist caricatures. Yashimoto even has the stereotypical buckteeth. I won’t show you for obvious reasons, but you can always look up this comic yourself.

What is odd about this is that the intent clearly isn’t hateful. These are both heroic characters and the comic has a more or less explicit anti-racist message. A nazi is the villain for a reason. It is just that the creators clearly don’t realize the way Meglia drew these characters is not appropriate.

What is even weirder that Yashimoto was adapted into the cartoon, complete with buckteeth. And that was a show was made in Canada in 1999. Very strange.

Overall, the comic is very different from the cartoon and I have no idea why they picked this edgy adult comic as source material for.a tv show for children, but they did. It is surprisingly faithful to the comic in many ways. The premise is pretty much the same, only it is executed in a very different, child-friendly manner. I would argue that the cartoon is in many ways more enjoyable and accessible than the comic. The attempts of the comic to provoke its audience are often not successful, or maybe rather too successful.

As you can probably tell, my feelings on this comic are complex. I care not for the creepy sexuality or the hamfisted attempts to handle race. So I don’t know if I can recommend this comic. You do need a strong stomach for all this.  But despite all that, there is still much to like about this comic  The art is great; very evocative and atmospheric.

And the writing can be that too. Cybersix is still a great character. Her origin story, her existential angst and her difficult love story with Lucas are just as compelling if not more than in the cartoon.

Sadly, this comic is not widely available in English.The scanlations made or collected by Pharmadan is the most extensive and what I read so far. There is a person here on tumblr, who tried to continue scanlating them  but they seem to have fallen prey to tumblr’s asinine content rules.and doesn’t seem to have been able to go elsewhere yet.

I’ll leave you with my favourite panel from the comic: