#but I had to write it ig. It needed to be out there
Text
disabled as in
fuck you
as in
I’m trying
as in
there is no amount of evil one can do to deserve what my body does naturally
as in
I am whole, not in spite of this, but maybe because of it
as in
sometimes I feel guilty for wanting a cure
as in
the one elevator in my school is so far away from all my classes (and it barely works, too)
as in
I’m suffering
as in
I’m tired. So, so tired
as in
I’m done with being sorry for my symptoms
as in
maybe i don’t wanna be not sorry for just a moment, because unlearning is so taxing
as in
i feel like I’m being stabbed by a thousand knifes every waking moment
as in
hating every gym teacher on principal
as in
trying to swallow too many pills at once
as in
everything is just another side effect
as in
my bed is my best friend
as in
the internet is the only way I can truly be free
as in
distraction is the best medicine
as in
I’m suffering
as in
crying like a baby because something is so fundamentally wrong but I don’t know what it is or how to fix it and crying is all I have left
as in
every step feels like my foot is trying to rip itself apart muscle by muscle
as in
i hate doctors on principle
as in
too many passes to the nurse
as in
i can’t wait for a 504 plan to be set in place
as in
i don’t deserve to be punished for my symptoms
as in
disabled isn’t a dirty word
as in
i am not lesser
as in
just because I seem energetic, or happy, or anything really, does not mean I am magically okay again
as in
I’m tired of masking
as in
why should I accommodate for the world, shouldn’t it accommodate for me
as in
being surprised that others in my community are suffering more than i am but yet are still alive
as in
I’m tired of the wheelchair symbol because my disability isn’t visible, and it hurts that that’s all I am represented as
as in
the wheelchair symbol is still so fundamentally important to my community
as in
my friend, gently passing me a 3d printed infinity cube when he noticed I was stressed
as in
i am not a sick cowering puppy, I am just as alive and complex as you
as in
sometimes I am that puppy
as in
asking my teacher to turn off the lights, watching as she says it’s for her own migraine
as in
feeling grateful for all the little and big things people do to try and help
as in
my needs are different each day
as in
sometimes different people have conflicting accessibility needs
as in
laying > sitting > standing
as in
knowing that if someone felt what I did they’d go to the ER immediately, when I have to go to school
as in
I cannot predict a flare up
as in
i leave school early some days
as in
reading about the deaf community for asl class, and being genuinely hurt that they consider it “a different way of life” instead of just a “disability”.
as in
being in asl class, at all
as in
offering to help organize the ‘chill room’ in the student services hallway because I’m one of the kids who will use it most
as in
i want this to all be over with, I wanna be done
as in
i am proud of my disability, i take pride in it
as in
music is my best grounding technique, at least for me
as in
there is so much variety in our community
as in
my whole life is centered around disability, it affects everything
as in
i am so much more than just disabled
as in
i am not lesser
as in
“differently abled” is bullshit
as in
a doctor online saying adhd is just learned coping mechanisms, and my mom believing it
as in
me saying that it was utter bullshit, and she realized I was right
as in
my mom’s disabled too
as in
conversion disorder copies other’s symptoms, stuff that the victim knows
as in
a lot of my symptoms are like my mom’s
as in
my mom is the strongest person I know
as in
disabled isn’t a dirty word
as in
all of this, and more
as in
fuck you.
#this feels more like a diary entry than anything.#but I had to write it ig. It needed to be out there#disabled as in fuck you#disabled pride#poetry#being disabled#actually disabled#disability#disability pride#it burns like a wildfire — loud tag#disabled#chronic pain#chronic illness#disabled life#long post
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something that’s always been funny to me is that long fics with smut tend to do better than long fics without but it’s like. if you write a longggg 10k+ word fic with a build up and plot and sprinkle in smut at the end, people will read that long build up and pay attention to the plot in order to get to the smut. and 99% of the time the tags and comments will talk about the plot itself and the way it was written as opposed to the sex and they will ask for more or for part 2’s and as annoying as the part 2 comments can be sometimes, it also means that they focused on the plot and not the smut. but if you post that fic without the smut��as in same fic and same build up and everything, but the smuts not there, a lot of those same people will simply not give the fic a chance. it’s just funny to me bc yes, a part of it is just horniness, but also i think it’s partly that there is also some conditioning to believe that a “perfect romance” or a “perfect story” of a romance is sealed with intimacy that’s more often than not sexual in order to actually be valid. and yeah. idk. it’s an interesting thing to see from a writers perspective
#me personally i write what i want im at a comfortable place in my writing that#i don’t rly feel i need to add that smut to get engagement#partially bc i think im blessed with readers who are very kind to me and always reiterate that they would read whatever i put out#i have so many anons that tell me they don’t know anything ab genshin but they read my works for the fandom anyway bc i wrote it and i feel#grateful that there will always be an audience i can count on to support my writing#but partially also bc i’m also happy w my writing that if i did post a fic that had not smut and it didn’t rly get attention i wouldn’t feel#disheartened by it bc writing it was meaningful to me#but#ig it’s just an interesting divide to see of like ‘i won’t read it without smut’ vs ‘i will read it with or without for the story !!’
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hi i've missed you!
can we do something soft and just cute like going for drives and getting fast food and just talking?
“I’m picking you up,” came the crackling voice from the walkie talkie on the nightstand. “Meet me at the spot in ten. Over.”
“No, you freakazoid,” Steve barely moved from his blanket cocoon, only reaching one arm out to press the button on the side. “I’m asleep.”
“Clearly not. I’m on my way, Shithead. Over and out.”
Steve rolled his eyes, and contemplated going back to sleep for all of five seconds before he sighed, and heaved himself to standing.
Curse Billy for stealing that walkie from Max, for suggesting they stay on their own channel, different than the ones the kids use. Curse Billy for his insomnia and his late night drives. Curse Billy for the way he keeps on hand on Steve’s thigh while they go and always stops at the nearest drive-thru to get Steve a milkshake and wolf down a double cheeseburger (because his dad slapped him and sent him to his room without dinner. Again.)
Steve trudged around the side of his house, crashing through the well-worn path through the sparse trees to the road on the other side.
They both agreed that Billy’s car shouldn’t be spotted outside of Steve’s house, even if they were publicly friends now.
The Camaro was rumbling up the street, and Steve could practically feel the road of the engine shake in his chest before he could even spot the headlights.
Doesn’t matter how many speeding tickets Officer Callahan gives him, Billy’s never gonna be a sensible driver.
He stops in front of Steve, and he grins as Steve joins him in the car, leaning over the center console and burying his left hand in thick, dark brown hair to kiss Steve in a way that steals the breath from his lungs.
“You owe me.”
“Yeah, yeah, Princess. I’ll get you a damn milkshake.”
The car lurched forward, and they flew down the service roads, flipping off the Leaving Hawkins sign as they went past, on their way to a different little town.
A different little slice of life.
#idk if this is what you had in mind but it’s what I got :)#I’ve had such a nightmare week#so much crazy shit went down at work with some of our seventh graders#and some of our theater kids were in chat roulette (or ig the current equivalent) during rehearsal and saw a dick bc#they figured out how to get around our censors on their school chromebooks#and also my grandpa was given weeks to live#and I crashed my fucking car#so that’s cool I’m having fun I love everything <3#on the other hand I saw one of my all time favorite bands again last night and it was really just what I needed#okay anyway that’s been my week hope you enjoyed#billy hargrove#steve harrington#harringrove#yikes writes
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“Please tell me nobody kissed me.” Steve laughed, and Tony, for the first time since he had met the soldier, could see real, genuine relief and joy on his face. Tony's lips curved. He had made the soldier laugh. Made him look like that. Something lodged in Tony's throat. Steve was relieved he was alive. In less than a week, in more than a few conversations, or well, yelling matches, they had formed enough of a bond that Steve… was relieved he was alive. The super soldier smiled again, real and satisfied and complete. “We won.” Tony smiled.
“Mr. Stark?” Tony couldn't feel his legs. He was grateful for it too, because his arm hurt just about enough. He didn't want to have to worry about his legs too. There was something digging into his side, maybe his rib, and it kinda hurt to breathe. Just a little. He spied Steve, out of the corner of his eye, something akin to devastation on his face. Heartbreak in his eyes. Tony would have moved. If he could've. Gone to his team. What he hoped was left of it. He could see Peter, and Rhodey, and Steve and Thor. But anyone else… He prayed to the gods he didn't believe in since he met what a real one was like that they were all okay. That Clint and Bruce and gods Pepper were alive. He wanted to hug Steve. Be hugged back. He wanted… he wanted to eat shawarma with his friends and drink crappy coffee at the park the way he and steve and thor always did on saturdays, and he wanted to go to art galleries with Nat and paint his nails with Clint. He wanted to sit in silence with Bruce and buy flowers for Pepper and play pool with Rhodey and test out equipment with Sam. He wanted to watch Morgan grow up and cheer for Peter when he got into his dream college. He wanted to… He wanted to see his team. Alive, happy, whole. And he wanted to hug them all. But that was really damned hard to do when one couldn't feel ones legs. Peter came into his periphery and Tony focused, shifting his head to look at the boy. Gods, he was going to miss him. Peter was bright in the same way Harvey had been, in the same way Tony liked to think he was. And he had this spark, this beautiful spark of life that made him so.. Joyous and happy and relieved to exist. Peter loved life, loved it whole heartedly and with open arms, even with everything it threw at him and took from him. Tony wanted him to keep that joy. That love. “Mr. Stark. We won Mr. Stark.” Peter whimpered. Tony smiled.
#something short#idk i thought of the parallels and had to write something#the avengers#mcu#marvel#tony stark#we won#it doesnt really make sense#but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless#steve rogers#peter parker#i just love the fact that steve and peter said it#they who only have a few interactions with the other#but are so similar#and bring joy and hope to tonys life#this is not a ship btw#theyre just friends#but i love how... close tony and steve are?? i guess?#i love the parallel and needed to point it out#steve sees the light at the end of the tunnel#peter dances in the sunshine#and tony needs both of them to see it#idk#they just mirror each other and help tony and yeah#thats all#i cant formulate it well unfortunately which is ironic since im a writer but wtv#writer curse ig
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[It was a windfall, air knocked out of my lungs, plunge into the abyss. I am nothing.
Pray tell, what have you learned? What have you found? What knowledge have you gained?
Stars, stars, stars. They are the gems of the sky.
Pray tell, the price of which you may pay? To what extent shall you let go? To what extent shall you pursue Life?
Gems, gems, gems. I am but a shard of what once was whole.
Pray tell, what have you learned? What have you found? To what extent shall you let go? To what extent
are you willing
to sacrifice
to be whole
again?
Crabs, crabs, crabs. This is inevitable, for I am never whole without them.
Are
you
yourself?
To be myself is to be whole, to be whole is to be with them. To be with them is to be myself.
Pray tell, should your memories be forgotten
who will you
forget
?
Myself.
.
.
.
]
[You doze off, you dreamt you were talking to someone.]
[You can't remember anything else.]
[You heard the door open, Siffrin walks in the store. The book opens, time to get back to the first page, researcher.]
#ariawrites#isat#isat au#isat spoilers#idk what im doing i just had this idea while doing my chores and i know it in my heart that i gotta write this and post#is this spoilers??? i think so?????? maaaayybbeee??????? ill tag it spoilers just in case#this is my odile loops au with new loop+ i need a proper name for that one... and this Is set during the new loop+#am laying out ideas i want to happen and i like to play around with the: after several loops. odile starts to forget too#but instead of how siffrin would forget the others. odile chooses to forget herself#also like yeowch... dozing off while standing she must rlly be tired! ig thats what a timeloop does to ya#also yea instead of stage actually am changing it to book cuz well-- odile. and books!#of gems and pages au#ogap au
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thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao
i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333
#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i#lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo.#this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde#in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one#i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so.#not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare#my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see#i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour#i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao#okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too#spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand#yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree#literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :(#i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute#okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here#kara lore#bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol#tag games
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‘gay retelling of a classic!’ ‘feminist sapphic twist on this greek myth!’ why don’t you write a better book than that. i think we deserve better books than that
#just had ‘jane austen’s mansfield park reimagined as a sapphic murder mystery’ advertised 2 me on IG. and i just think you should write a#better book than that. if you want to write a ‘sapphic murder mystery’ then write it. the fact that you have to lean on existing classics#and advertise yours as a ‘retelling’ or a ‘twist’ or a ‘reimagining’ suggests to me that you are not a very good writer. sorry this is very#hatery but i believe it…just write a new book. a better book. what is the point of writing a gay version of wuthering heights other than it#solves your problem of not being able to come up with a plot because you are not a very good writer. i dont know. i suppose there is space#for anything and should be space for all sorts in the publishing industry but also i hear sapphic murder mystery mansfield park and i think#that’s probably not a very good book. idk. there is excellent queer and feminist original fiction out there without the need to take#existing literature at random and use that as a crutch for some reason…#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again
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ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.
the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,
but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.
It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.
#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the#colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and#yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its#absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the#provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing#seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp#their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid!#also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl#ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat#and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way'#this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural#conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his#ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more#complex than that by this point aaaaaugh#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#siren says#I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em)#ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I#like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona#experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably#upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people
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It’s been said before and the fact that I’m an Izzy simp aside like having a character who survives the most certain death shit ever (shooting himself in the head at point blank) and literally being nicknamed by another character “indestructible” and then become a symbol of protection for a whole group of people die from a fucking bullet to the side that was established in universe to have no vital organs in order to “atone for his sins” or however you wanna spin it and have him say he wants to go after (see point one) literally trying to kill himself in the show that is literally about growth and betterment of the self in a cruel world that wants you dead and where the main (and mostly queer) characters survive the most batshit insane injuries is like COSMICALLY stupid writing like I don’t even understand how you get there and the fact that it’s supposed to be a kind/ happy/meaningful ending is beyond me
#and Izzy’s whole speech to Ricky before that could be interpreted as what like#being about even if you kill and try to eradicate queer people we’ll always be here#and then have RICKY deal the killing blow ????#wahhhh it’s symbolic#ok it would’ve been more symbolic to have the fucking queer character live like idc you’re all stupid god bless#ofmd critical#tbd#maybe#oh and then I mean not even talking about how it’s supposedly all good#because the main gays who had borderline no redeeming qualities this season had their picket fence ending#literally what’s the point of having Ed come back from the dead#so he can learn that death is not the answer and that there’s love and betterment for him#and have that whole scene with Jim and Archie where they refuse to kill one another because there’s more to life than the cards#they’ve been dealt and they can be the difference#JUST TO HAVE THAT ENDING#my god I just#sorry if you guys are sick of me ranting about ofmd like 5 months after the shit show supreme#but these are like all thoughts that I’ve just had in my head for months but tried to forget#and now they’re just spilling out like idc anymore#ppl have made so many good posts that all say what I think but ig I still need to rant myself jvhsjnv#how long can your neck be for it to allow you to bury your head so deep in the sand#where you truly believe this is good writing idk#side note but gifs of cats randomly blowing up are my favourites#‘Izzy bettered himself before dying so it’s aaaallll good’ hits you hits you#stupid ass shit argument but also that was across maybe a week and dude was piss drunk dissociative half the time
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I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life
#.txt#also I have to do a movie pitch for it bitch it's an amv with intentionally one dimensional characters 😭 tf do I even say about it#at least the characters are like. knockoff jaime and tommen so its almost like im drawing asoiaf fanart#unfortunately I've come to hate them. the knockoffs I mean#I wanna change the designs a bit so they dont resemble my blorbos as much. i think im gonna give the kid darker hair#ok well discount jaime just looks like him with 2 hands and a blue cape 💀and I cant change him atp#my worst mistake was giving him like. a solid metal skirt armor thing bc its a pain in the ass to animate#at the start of the year I had the most work done out of everyone how did this happen#its bc they started nitpicking the story and I kinda lost motivation to work on it lke this shit is stupid. and cringe#by they I mean the extra screenwriting teachers we had a couple lessons with which like. this is an animation course not a writing course#I'd get it if it was like. a full time school but we have 2 3 hour classes a week we dont have time for this shit man#ig my mistake was that my idea didn't start from the story it started from the song I wanted to make a cool music video for it#its not that the story is nonsensical or anything its just a very basic fairytale esque thing nothing groundbreaking#'but you're not SAYING anything with this' I'm not trying to omg just let me make my little amv :(#does everything need a plot twist or to subvert expectations is it not enough that it looks cool#there's a couple people who are worse off than me in terms of how much they've done but also theres a couple that are nearly done#looking at them like god I wish that were me.....#and also I think I accidentally overwrote a shot I worked on for 3 hours. killing myself#maybe I can restore a previous version but its on the school computer and the school is closed for a week so im not gonna know until then
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Sometimes I’m hit by the devastating fact that my childhood is leaving. It’s slipping away but I’ve still got half a foot in it. I’ll never be twelve again. I can barely remember a moment of fourth grade, but I know what it felt like. We once spent a month making a trip poster on the hallway floor. I haven’t talked to you in four years. I tutor people in Calculus. I just learned long division. I buy plushies with money I earned at work. I still sleep with the same stuffed animal my grandma got me. Maybe when I wake up, my mom will be waiting to braid my hair, because I don’t know how to yet. My dog will be small enough to fit under the fence. We’ll play tag at recess. They’ll bring the laptop cart for English. I’ll be twelve again.
#writing#ig#honestly I’ve just been like#hit really hard by nostalgia recently#but not like cute fun nostalgia#instead the heartwrenching kind when you think about the past and remember that it is ‘past’#my sister goes to the school I used to#if I needed to call her out sick#I wouldn’t know who to call#I never had a reason to have the number saved#not when my mom was the one who would always call for me#I wish she could still do that for me#instead I just email a teacher and use their first name bc that’s what the professors say to call them half the time#they don’t care if I come or not#still wish i could just get my mom to do it for me#I’m sure she’d write the email better than I would
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Not them dying to bring Sarah back and absolutely hating their characters current plotlines 🫣🫢🤭
Carmen De La Pica Morales stans rise!
#marja Ryan Lewis and that writers room need to be cleared out#bring back Ilene chaiken and let her take a sledge hammer to this show because they’re ruining the shows legacy#was the original a little messy? Yeth but Ilene knew how to have a good time!! the show was funny and it was fun to watch and for the most#part the plot made sense AND MOST IMPORTANTLY we got to see women loving women on screen#I think MRL wanted a show where she got to write about all kinds of queer people but she couldn’t do it so she took TLW and basically piggy#backed off the name and legacy of the original show#obviously more queer stories should be told BUT TLW is supposed to be about lesbians and it’s like pulling teeth to get them to show 2#ladies kissing like why can’t we have a sexy fun time????#and not to sound like an old fart but showrunners and writers nowadays ig think that they have to inject politics into everything and I hate#when gen q tries to broach these topics because I’m not here to learn about theory bitch I’m here to see these gals get their puthies ate#the original definitely had moments that were a little political but it never tried to center that – they just wanted to show the lives of#lesbians the way that str8 shows depicted the lives of str8 people and I loved that#moral of the story: if they want a s4 they need to kick some people to the mf curb and get back to what made the original so fun and special#and obviously as I always say: BRING CARMEN BACK YOU COWARDS!!!!#the l word#the l word gen q#kate moennig#leisha hailey#sarah shahi#sharmen#shane x carmen#pants podcast
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my fucking ac is broken. loving life rn 👍👍👍
#and by broken i mean leaking water everywhere making weird noises and not holding a consistent temp#so i turned it off for fear of breaking it for real and costing me a lot of money#put in a maintenance request and if i havent heard back from the property manager by the time#im out of my doctors appt in the morning im gonna call her#this will not be a fun night#talk#text#mine#not nct#ignore.mel#anyway gn ig!!!!!!#i was gonna write a bit more tn but i got distracted by that and had to rush to tidy up in case#they come into my apt while im at work tomorrow i dont want them thinking theyre renting this apt to a hoarder or anything#and now i need to try to fall asleep while being as cool as possible#its times like this i wish i had a box fan (i do have a ceiling fan at least)#but i like to sleep under a sheet a blanket AND a quilt so i need it to be cold when i sleep :((#usually cold air AND the fan AND im wearing a sweatshirt#if my air does not get fixed tomorrow i will be stealing my office fan from work and taking it home
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deseret book is more persistent than duolingo.
i ordered 2 books for a church research project on Black saints in the early Church and also in the Reorganization, on which the one book had a small section us and all had info from the our shared early church history, and it was an ebook too!
and i get physical mail from them once a month. i have no idea how to cancel.
herald house, the community of christ publishing house, contacts me much less, and i buy books from them all the time.
and oh their church book app reminds me to read my scriptures and the words of their prophets regularly if it's not in sleep mode.
i have to admire the effort behind it, ngl.
#tumblrstake#the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints#Community of Christ#latter day saint#deseret book#i highly recommend both books#black saints in a white church#and “My Lord He Calls Me” edited by Alice Faulkner Burch#she's really awesome so pls support her#i hang out with the genesis group bc i am playing with a similar group for community of christ#because the Black saints expressed interest#actually Black Saints in a White Church may have been elsewhere by Signature Books#you can read it for free on archive.org#and if you're at BYU you can access it too and papers on it#i'll promo them in another post eventually#white saints in my church don't get my vision bc their like “we never had a priesthood ban”#but i literally had to do the project bc they were speaking over us regarding anti-Black racism in our D&C#and people individually reached out. like Black church leaders. bc they be doing this.#we made so much noise and the first presidency reached out to ME bc i wrote a paper that spread through the church about it#wild moment. but yeah we need something like the Genesis Group and they were willing to help me out a bit#its too much for me to handle on my own tho. esp with the revitalizing our intepretation and use of the Book of Mormon projects#i always put too much in the tags. i should write a post about that and share my article#it was on our D&C 116 which is like our L-dS OD 2 on Race in the priesthood and specifically ordination of Black men#which they (some of the white saints) wanted removed 🙄 bc of the “ministers to their own race” part which led to segregation being allowed#but also explicitly affirms God calls people of all races to priesthood and also that Black congregations didn’t need white pastor oversight#so just leave it. and ig you feel guilty...cope#i personally believe it to be inspired but flawed#it was literally a mostly white church in 1865. not excusing tho bc some sects were always fully integrated like the Bickertonites#they had a Black apostle in 1915. representation at high levels of leadership#oh and women in the priesthood from the jump. if limited
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will be a hater for a second but i will be real. idgaf aboutkabru And 90% of the reason why is bc me n my friends watched the dub and couldnt stand how much he talked with the super breathy generic anime protag voice
#im realizing one thing that irks me is when there’s way too much internal monologuing going on#if a character is suspicious. Or if someone is acting out of character then SHOW US !#for chrissake#if the writing is good we shouldn’t Need them to tell us if a character is acting strange#we should be able to tell. and if it’s obvious and then they state it anyways Then it feels pateonizing#kabru’s tragic backstory couldve been compelling but instead he was yammering over it the entire time#his backstory flashback i mean#establishing shit that we could have picked up on our own. and then RESTATING IT in the SAME SCENE…..#it’s an issue of turning a manga into an anime though ig#exposition is more necessary when there isn’t as much visual aid to help people understand whats going on#But then they make an anime where there is more room for that. and then keep the same amount of exposition#or fill a whole episode w characters sitting around a fire and talking about the protagonists#my rambles#definitely just my personal preference#i just get So bored when a piece of media tries to do the thinking for the audience#please Please don’t give in dont give in Whatever you do#TRUST PEOPLE TO PICK UP ON WHAT YOU’RE PUTTING DOWN#imagine if breaking bad had walter white narrating the entire thing. it would fucking suck#i think that’s part of why most animes just dont do it for me. it’s a very common trait#it’s really good in comedies though like nichijou
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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