#but I dont want this ask to go unanswered for long so here you get my current thoughts/opinions on him now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zeltqz · 2 years ago

Text

MIND GAMES | ran haitani

length. 5.9k words

synopsis. final part - you finally lose your V to ran hehe

authors note: so i finally got over my nervousness and wrote the fluffiest smuttiest shit i ever oh my god my fingers just dont stop typing when it comes to this man ANYWAY ENJOYYYYYYYYY @sleeplessreader @nimbixan @christmassugarcookies @ransbaby@scarletbedlam @ranhaitaninumberonefans @wenumsmol @jordanisgae

Ran sets his controller down on his lap when you text him; not even wasting a second before unlocking his phone, lightspeed. Rindou rolls his eyes so far into the back of his head they almost get stuck, clearly agigated when Ran just tosses out his attention span the second he gets a text from you.

‘ Whipped ’ is what Rindou likes calling it, noticing how his brother would rather drop everything he’s doing, even going as far to cancel all his plans if the opportunity arises to talk to you.

“So you’re really just going to leave me to fight a 2v1 by myself?” Rindou’s question goes unanswered and he groans watching his character’s health bar deplete by the second. “Dude?!”

Hey, what are you doing?

Ran clicks on your messages, totally unaware of the uninvited smile creeping onto his face as he types back.

Just playing some games with my brother. Why?

His tongue pokes out to his cheek as he sees the three dots popping up and down rhythmically as you form a response.

“Ran, if I lose this battle, I will never forgive you.”

“Shut up, you’ll be fine.” Blindly, his spare hand aimlessly searches around his lap for the controller to shut his brother up when his phone vibrates on his lap once more.

No no reason, I just wanted to talk to you, but you are busy so I’ll call you later

The little hope Rindou has left when he sees Ran’s character take a step forward, ready to aid him through fighting the monster is gone the second Ran’s attention and wandering hands go back to his phone.

“Are you kidding me?!” Rindou’s character falls, evaporating into thin air and his eye twitches. “Fuck off, I’ll go call Kakucho or something, you useless piece of—”

His rant lands on deaf ears as Ran continues to ignore him, kicking his feet onto the couch, eyes glued onto that phone like it’s his lifeline.

I’m not busy, c’mon, talk to me . Everything ok/?

His long hair rests on his shoulders, his slender fingers playing with the ends of it as he anxiously waits your response.

Everythings fine, promise. Just wanted to talk to u

Stop being so cute its killing me honestly.

Shut up..

He loves the way he can hear your voice through the message, the playful tint in your phone as you’d push him away whilst trying to hide your flustered face from his gaze.

It’s become his new favourite hobby, to tease you till you can barely look at him.

We’re still on for tomorrow right? He asks and distantly, he hears Rindou talking shit about him to Kakucho from the corner of the kitchen, then proceeds to invite him over to help him finish the damn game.

“I’m right here, y’know?” Ran calls out, leaning his head back far around over the couch to look into the kitchen, snickering when Rindou puts up his middle finger and continues to cuss him out over the phone whilst looking into the fridge.

Yeah, tomorrow is fine.

You respond back with a heart emoji at the end that makes his own heart beat twice as fast. He’s not sure why you have such an effect on him; how you managed to invade his thoughts at any moment throughout the day, how he would jump over any object just to grab his phone if it was at the far end of the room when it dings, the disappointed look on his face when he realises the text wasn’t from you.

On a scale of 1-10, how angry would you be with me if I came over right now?

He decides to test the waters and asks. If your answer is anything higher than a 7, he’ll stay at home and wait till tomorrow, but anything less than that; he’s hopping on his motorcycle and risking it all just to see you.

8. Stay ur ass at home ran my dad is here for the week

Fuck’s sake.

He frowns, untwisting his finger from his hair and sighs.

Bruh cant he fuck off and stay in his own house? So unfair.

There’s a short gap between your replies, and he uses it to head over to the kitchen, towering over his younger brother, placing the flat of his palm against the top of his head and drags him away from the fridge with zero effort.

“Ran, get off me !” Rindou struggles to escape his brother’s grip, practically fighting for his life as Ran’s lazy eyes scan over the contents in the fridge.

He’s too tired right now to cook actual food and there’s no leftovers for him to reheat.

“Ran, I’ll kick you.” Rindou threatens when he finally rids himself from Ran’s clutches. “You’re extra annoying today.” He grits out, dusting his clothes, trying to act as nonchalant as possible as if he didn’t just get manhandled in his own house.

“I’m taking that as a compliment.” Ran closes the fridge with a sigh, moving to sit on the edge of the kitchen counter.

“Take it as you want, I don’t care.”

Ran rolls his eyes when his phone chimes twice and he doesn’t have to look at it to know who it is. Rindou clicks his tongue, grabbing his flask and downing it with ease. He needs the alcohol to get him through the day, especially when Ran is like this.

It’s an image attachment rather than a message and he opens it; immediately knowing why it took you longer to respond than usual.

You grace him with a perfect angle of your hands splayed over your bare chest, your nipples playing hide and seek behind your fingers. From the looks of it, your back looks arched slightly from the curve of your waist and at the very top of the photo, your bottom lip is being bit down onto subtly with your teeth. His eyes trail down to your stomach, captivated by the way your shorts ride up your thigh—

He needs to get his hands on you. Fuck waiting.

Rindou looks over his brother’s shoulder, eyes blowing wide and jaw dropping to the floor as he gasps an “Oh my God—”

Ran shuts his phone off and fights the urge to punch his brother into next week, hoping the hit is hard enough to give him memory loss.

“Is that the girl you’re talking to? Shit, what’s her name?” He takes another sip of his drink when Ran brushes past him to grab his shoes. “Oi, don’t ignore me!”

“Just shut up, I gotta go.”

You fiddle with the tips of your nails anxiously, fidgeting on your bed, physically unable to stay still as you allow your thoughts to take control. Does he not like it? Is it too much? Is that why he hasn’t responded? Did I cross a line? Sending it without permission? Did he block me?

The last one seemed to have worked in heightening your anxiety, fingers now moving to delete the image and pretend you had never sent it; though you know he saw it because the words READ staring at you like a slap in the face.

You almost jump out of your skin when your phone vibrates from underneath your body five minutes later, hidden deep within your sheets as you fish for it.

Come outside.

It’s a simple message, yet still has your brain muddled. Once connecting the dots, your face flushes, mouth parting slightly and dart your eyes to your keyboard.

Don’t tell me youre outside….

You walk over to your window and slam a hand down on your windowsill to stabilize yourself as you look outside, spotting Ran’s motorcycle at the end of the street.

You’ve gotta be kidding me, you think, pulling your phone out and dialing his number you shamelessly admit you know by heart.

He doesn’t even let it ring for two beeps before he’s answering, repeating his text message out loud as he says, “Come outside.”

You always forget how deep his voice is, how it has that subtly provocative undertone with a bite of playfulness when he’s in the mood. “Ran—I can’t, you know this—” The deep rumble of your dads laughter fills the house; he’s always so loud, as if he knows you’re planning to sneak out and is laughing extra loud downstairs to remind you he’s home. “My dad will ask questions.”

“Well, you shoulda thought ‘bout that before you sent me that, shouldn’t you?”

You groan, fingers scrunching up a lone piece of paper on your windowsill as you eye his motorcycle again, eyes flitting across the room to your jacket resting your desk chair. “Fine…” You grumble, keeping him on the line as you slip out of your shorts and into some jeans, grabbing your coat on the way out.

You intended to sneak out successfully, making as little noise as possible when you walk past the hallway behind the living room but the door let you down, creaking open way too loudly and your dad snapped his head towards the door.

“You going somewhere?”

“No—yeah, I mean I wanted to get something from the store, real quick. I’m craving a snack.”

You put on your best innocent smile, ensuring your face is sweet and forgiving despite the fact you’re leaving to go get fucked by your boyfriend (?).

“Oh!” Your mother chirps from the kitchen, “can you buy some more strawberries for me? I need some for my lunch tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure whatever. I’ll see you guys in a bit.” You slam the door shut before they even got to say goodbye, hands shaking on the knob of your door as you take a deep breath and make your way over to the end of the street.

He’s distracted on his phone when you sneak up to him, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Hi.”

He can feel you shaking when he slides his hands down your arm, tugging you to sit in front of him on his bike. “Hey, you cold? You’re shaking like a lot.”

“No, I’m just…nervous.” You admit sheepishly, unable to look him in the face. He lifts your face up with a finger on your chin, pressing a reassuring kiss to your nose that has you smiling up at him.

“Don’t be nervous.”

“It hurts though…”

He leans forward, turning off his motorcycle engine and lights, now leaving the street in total darkness aside from the streetlamps. “We can take it slow, if you want.”

“No, not that. I wanna do it today, that’s why I sent you the…yeah.”

He shifts your body closer and you part your legs on either side of the bike for stability, hand gripping onto his shirt for better balance. “That photo was fuckin’ sexy.” You stiffen, blood turning cold as his hands wander along your spine, holding you close to him as his lips mark up the exposed skin of your collarbone. “You’re so fuckin’ hot, you have no clue what you do t’me.” He sucks down, humming lowly when your fingers loop around his chain and tug ever so gently to grab his attention.

“What do I do to you?”

It’s a genuine question, though you have a brief idea, you want to know if you affect him the same way he affects you; how his shirt rides up when he stretches, teasing you with just an inch of his faint v-line or hearing his voice in the mornings when you call him is enough to leave a wet stain in your panties.

His hands slither down your spine and you chew on the inside of your cheek for a moment when you feel it.

It being something hard inside his pants pressing against your upper thigh. “Oh.”

He doesn’t answer, too interested in grabbing onto your breast, groping it slightly and loses himself in the faint perfume scent lingering on the skin of your neck.

“Ran, not here.” You giggle when he kisses his way up to your ear, puffs of air from his nose tickling against your eardrum. “Not here, please.” It’s a miracle there’s no passerbys this late at night, just imagining the look on strangers faces as they watch Ran feel you up on his bike is enough to have you fidgeting from slight embarrassment; yet you shove down the idea of being caught fucking in public somewhere deep inside.

He smells so good, the scent amplifies ten-fold when you shift back on the bike, dipping your face in the crevice of his neck, nose touching the neckline of his crew-neck black t-shirt.

“You’re in a cuddly mood today,” He says amused, slightly nervous, slight shivers running down his body when he comprehends how close you are. He tilts his head to the side, brushing his cheek against the side of your head and golds you steady, fingers digging into your waist. “How long we got?”

“Hm,” your lips vibrate against his neck as you hum slowly, head deep in calculations, “not that long if I’m being honest, but I can risk sacrificing an hour or two.”

“Yeah? What about the strawberries for your ma’?”

His eyes squeeze shut when you attach your lips to his neck, slowly grinding your hips down against his lap, the slow roll gives your clit the friction it craves.

“She can live without them,” you whisper, hushed in spite of yourself as he lifts you off his bike easily and you maneovuer yourself to sit behind him, locking your arms around his midriff, digging your face into the back of his neck.

The ride back to his house doesn’t take long and he doesn’t even bother locking his bike , preferring to lace his fingers between yours gently before he’s leading you inside.

The sounds of battle music blasts from the living room and a quick peek confirms that his brother is playing Street Fighter 2 with another guy that you haven’t met before.

Ran places his hand around your waist, snatching your attention away from his brother and back to him. “Everything okay?” You nod up at him, fixing him with your best fake smile but he sees through it easily. “Nah, you’re not.”

You sigh, hating how perceptive he can be at times. “I thought we’d be alone…”

“We are, they’re deaf as hell, they won’t be able to hear anything.” When you don’t look convinced enough, he calls out his brother's name loudly, but he’s either ignoring him, or he can’t hear him as he talks to Kakucho, nudging him whenever he moves his character the wrong way. “See, trust me.” He squeezes your hand twice, reassuring you and you nod your head and let him lead you upstairs.

You take a seat on his bed when the reality of the situation hits you.

You’re really about to lose your virginity.

The bed dips when he moves to sit next to you and your hands twitch nervously on your lap, biting the softness of your cheek to calm you down when he places his hand on your thigh.

“You’re shaking again.”

“I—” You bite your tongue, and swallow thickly, hoping your nervousness goes down with it. “I know I’m ready, I just…I’m just scared.”

You watch the slow rise of his brows. “I’ll go extra slow, just for you, ‘kay?” He tips forward to kiss you again, proving his previous sentence with his extra slow movements. Your shaky hand falls to the side of his face, holding him close to you as he shifts you to lay on his pillow, hovering over you.

He breaks the kiss, bending down to peck at your ear. Your giggle is almost music to his ears and your legs kick around as you mutter “It’s ticklish.”

“Yeah, that’s the point.” He sucks on your lobe harder, one hand moving downwards to wrap your legs around his waist to stop you from kicking him.

“I don’t like my ears.” You tell him, gently trying to push him away, pawing at his chest, laughing when his breath tickles your eardrum once more, “Ran!”

“You’re so beautiful though,” he pulls away, forehead to yours as he looks down at you, “best looking ears I’ve ever seen.”

“You clearly haven’t seen much ears then.” He deadpans at you and you roll your eyes, retracting your statement, “‘kay, I’m sorry.” You close your eyes when he bends down to kiss your nose, cheek, covering your face with kisses as he mumbles how perfect you are after each kiss.

Your hands cup his face, thumbs stroking at his cheekbones as you hold his face up, enticing him into a trance with your kisses, back arching off the bed involuntarily with each groan that spills from his mouth.

“I’m gonna undress you now, alright?” He says between kisses and you suck in a harsh breath through clenched teeth before nodding, too nervous to provide a verbal response.

He sits back on his knees and gently tug on your shirt, lifting your arms up to slide the shirt over your head and onto the edge of his bed. You sit up slightly, unfastening the straps on your bra and letting it fall, watching how his eyes stay glued to your chest as if he’s never seen a pair of breasts before.

“...Ran, you’re staring.” You say, pointing out the obvious, thinking he would look away by now but you have to grip onto his face, and force his gaze up, “My eyes are up here.”

“I know where they are.”

If he could kiss every part of your body he would. He looks down at you underneath him, eyes glistening with want and habitually, you tug on your bottom lip with your teeth, hands rising to wrap around his neck, craving his lips once more.

With confidence, Ran’s tongue slips into your mouth, slidinig passionately along your own. It’s almost embarrassing how pliant he makes you, how you're lifting your back from the bed slightly to press your chest against his own.

He grins at the soft moans you let out with each kiss, drinking up each mewl that leaves you when your hands wander downwards, slipping under his shirt, dipping your fingers along the crevices of his abs.

“Take—” You take breaks between kisses to tug hopelessly at his shirt, “I want this off.”

“Someone’s bossy today.” You watch up in reverence as his shirt lifts off his body, tongue poking out to lick your bottom lip. It’s probably swollen by now, how hard you’ve been biting it but you don’t care, not when he hovers above you with his bare arms beside your head.

Your mouth is dry when he leans down to kiss you again, but keeps it short this time, breaking the kiss before you could even melt into the pleasure.

His fingers dance their way along your thighs, making their way to the zipper of your jeans. His head drops down to look before it’s being lifted by your hands holding his face, “Don’t look…”

“I’m gonna see it regardless, y’know that right?”

Yeah, you know that; but you still feel embarrassed being fully naked and vulnerable in front of someone else for the first time. “I know…”

His fingers test the waters once more, fingernail scraping against the zipper until your legs are complying, spreading ever so slightly, just enough for him to wrap them around his waist as he unzips your jeans, hooking a finger onto your panties to tug them all off at once.

Cold air hits your bare cunt and you almost shiver when he bends down to your stomach, kissing on your skin around your bellybutton, slowly making his way down to your pelvis.

It feels extra sensitive there, butterflies frollocking around your stomach as he practically makes out with your skin. It’s wet when his tongue slides out, licking a stripe from your pelvis to your thighs, squishing them with his fingers as he marks you. He wasn’t lying when he said he would take it slow—now you’re actually regretting his slow pace, wanting to be touched down there.

“Ran—” Your voice trails off into a gasp when he bites down on your thigh, hard enough to probably leave teeth marks. “C’mon…please.” You whisper, covering your eyes with your hands, too flustered to look at him between your legs.

You can’t help but squeal when his nose brushes your clit ever so gently, his wet tongue darting out to lick a long stripe up, lips wrapping around your clit and sucking lightly.

“Oh—oh my god—” He smiles between your legs, eyes closing when he hears your moan, your legs enclosing around his head as you slap a hand over your mouth, biting at your palm when he flicks your clit with his tongue swiftly, physically unable to control your squirming.. “Ran, mm, oh fuck, fuck, yes!”

“Yeah?” He dives back in, drowning in your slick as his fingers tickle your entrance, “Gonna put my fingers in now, ‘kay?” He takes your soft ‘mmhm, mhm’ as a sign to continue. He pushes in slowly, fighting back your body’s reaction as he inches his finger in deeper. You almost kick him in the back when you feel it, slow, lazy yet calculated strokes with his index finger.

The pleasure is almost too much, biting your lip, throwing your head back to sink into the softness of his pillows. Your pussy clamps desperately around his long, slender finger. Ran groans, detaching his mouth from your slit, “Fuck, why are you so hot? It’s—” He twists his finger inside you, stretching your soft walls out and gives your clit another suck, “It’s fuckin’ killin’ me.”

Your body feels like jelly from just a single finger, the continuous strokes of his tongue against your clit have stars forming behind the abyss in your mind, eyes squeezed shut as you feel another finger at your entrance. “Don’t stop—fuck—please, don’t st— mm—”

You’re babbling incoherent sentences, limbs practically numb as you try to squirm away from the overstimulation, insides feeling like they’re being electrecuted. “Wait, I—I think I’m—”

You’ve never came before so the feeling was unusual to you. The warmth pooling around some unknown area in your stomach had you practically suffocating the man beneath your legs as he loudly licks up at the slick from your cunt as he finger fucks you into heaven.

“Clenching around me so tight, you’re close, aren’t you?”

“I think—” You swallow hard, cursing under your breath when he presses against that spot. He knows he’s hit it because the blood flow from his finger temporarily disconnets with how tight your walls clamp around it, moaning louder than he’s ever heard you before and your hand flys to the headboard to stabalise yourself as you come undone on his hands. You felt liquids squirt from your body, breaking out of the spell he put you under the moment you felt it—scared that you might’ve…

“A squirter, huh?” He says from between your legs, goosebumps forming on your forearms when he drags his tongue over your cunt one last time as a way of cleaning you up. “Didn’t know you could do that.”

“It’s not normal? Oh god…” You hide your face in your hands as he laughs, moving to sit on his knees and pulls you closer by your ankles, trying to remove your hands from your face but they’re practically glued on.

“Stop hiding from me, it was hot.”

“I thought I…” You lower your voice, too embarrassed to even finish the sentence, “I thought I peed.” He snorts and you hit him across the chest, “It’s not funny!”

“You’re so fuckin’ cute.”

Your cheeks heat up when he kisses you again. The taste of the kiss was slightly bitter and you instantly knew that was because of you.

“You ready?” His voice is breathless as he parts away from your lips, wiping his lower face and mouth with his arm.

“Yeah.”

He reaches forward, fluffing the pillows to get you as comfy as can be and you smile up at him, watching hypnotised as he tugs his pants down. You now understand his infatuation with your breasts because you’re lost in the sight of his cock, watching witth a dry mouth as his cock bobs free from its restraints.

There’s something white leaking from the tip that you’re sure is cum and you bite your lip when you see him squeezing tight at the base of his cock, dragging a lazy hand up to the top, groaning as he positions himself between your legs.

You blindly reach out of it, almost knocking the wind out from his lungs when you grab it, smaller fingers failing to wrap around his own. “Hey, what are you—” His words get lost when you bend down and ready to stick your tongue out before he stops you, “What are you doing?”

“I wanna taste it.” You say it like it's obvious, darting your eyes down to the leaking precum seeping out from the tip bit by bit, but he stops you, lifting you from your bent position with a single hand on your bicep.

It’s weirdly attractive how he can just lift you with no effort, manhandle you to the way he wants and before you know it you’re back on the bed, head resting on his floofed up pillows and he’s hovering over you.

He reaches inside his bedside drawer, pulling out a condom and rolls it onto his cock as he says “As much as I’d love to see your pretty lips wrapped around my cock, babe, it’s not abouot me tonight.” His eyes trail down your body, nudging his cock against your cunt, the tip brushing agaisnt your clit in slow circles and you close your eyes to steady yourself.

Once ready, you nod at him and he bites his lip, eyes never leaving your body as he slowly presses into you. Your hands fly up to his arms, digging your nails into his skin and try your hardest to stifle your moan.

There’s a stinging pressure the second his cockhead enters, your body fighting to accept him in and you start to panic. “Wait—” you tap at his arm rapidly, “I don’t think it’s gonna fit—I—”

“Shhh,” he bends down to kiss you, sucking on your bottom lip to comfort you, “listen to me.” You force your eyes open to look into his own honest ones, “You’re so tense, it’s gonna hurt but it’ll be quicker if you relax, ‘kay?”

“Okay…” You eyes flutter shut when you feel him press inside again, the head of his cock is fully engulfed and you feel the burn between your thighs as your walls stretch to accommodate his length, “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, it burns Ran—”

“I know, I know, almost there, promise.”

The rest of his cock slips inside almost easily and he lets out a gutted moan when he bottoms out, his hips pressing against yours and he has to physically stop himself from fucking you into the sheets, waiting for you to stop squirming underneath him.

“Is it in?” You whisper and he lifts a hand up, thumb swiping at the tears forming under your eyeline.

“It’s in.” You exhale sharply, un-squeezing your hands from his arms to wrap around his neck. “Tell me when to move, I’ll move.” He says against your neck, pressing soft kisses to soothe you, biting down when you clench around him involuntariily.

It feels weird, like you’re being stuffed full—but you don’t see the pleasure in this yet; it’s more uncomfortable than pleasurable. Maybe your body isn’t wired the same way other girls are because they make it out to be something amazing and have them screaming out in pleasure, but you just feel like screaming out in pain.

“Y-you can move, now.” You say after a moment, watching as his jaw clenches when he drags his cock out, leaving just the tip in before pushing back in gently. Ran makes sure to use as little force as possible, not wanting to overstim you so quickly. There’s warmth pooling in the depths of your stomach, the pain slowly turning into pleasure as he keeps up his slow pace, feeling lightheaded from how your pussy catches around his cock so tightly.

He briefly thinks he should’ve prepped you more, scared that it was too painful for you. One look down proves his theory wrong and he almost cums right there and then, stilling his hips at the sight of you all spread out for him, eyes threatening to roll into the back of your head as you bite down on your lip, trying to stifle the bubbling moans.

“Faster?” He pants out, hoping and praying that you say yes because he needs to feel you, all of you, wants to hear you scream out his name.

“Yes, please.” Your voice is hushed and quiet, gradually getting louder when he pulls out once more but slams inside you, hard enough that you’re sliding up the bed, head almost hitting the headboard as he begins his relentless pace.

He can’t hold himself back anymore, fingers digging into his pillowcase as he slams inside you. Your hand flys to your mouth when you’re about to moan, remembering he has guests downstairs but his hands grip onto your wrists, pinning them above your head.

“Let me hear you, fuck please—” He sounds breathless, using one hand to keep your wrists above your head, the other trailing downwards to your thighs, spreading your legs further so he could fit himself inside you better.

“Ran, ohmygod, yes, yes, don’t stop, fuck !” You attempt to scratch at his hands pinning you down, needing to grab onto something before you feel like you lose yourself completely. He presses down onto your stomach, switching his pace to a slower one and you almost scream—

“Shit,” he whispers, voice trailing into a moan when his hips jerk, shoving his cock impossibly deeper, “I can feel you cumming—fuck, you’re so—” The next thing you know, you’re being flipped ont the bed, soft mattress pressing against your stomach and ass being dragged up into the air.

“Ran, please—” You feel so empty without him inside you, taking back everything you thought previously about sex not being enjoyable, wishing he could be inside you all the time to fill you with that warmth.

He grips his cock, panting softly before lining his cock up at your entrance. “‘M gonna fuck you full of cum, I swear to—” His promise is cut off when he slips back inside, groaning and dragging your hips back to take his cock, mouth dropping open as your walls flutter around his cock, “Gonna fill you up—you want that, huh?”

“Mhm-mhm,” It’s hard to speak when your face is being shoved into the pillow, hands reaching behind you, desperate to touch him when he’s pinning them to your back with a firm hand.

He ruts against you with a desperation that has you screaming your frustrations out into the pillow as you listen to his provocative dirty talk, ears full with the sounds of skin on skin slapping against each other.

“Arch your back,” he commands, letting go of your pinned wrists to allow you freedom of movement, digging his fingers into your hips to physically stop himself from moving to give you the energy to bend forward, watching with sharp eyes as the line in the middle of your back dips, “Just like that, yeah.”

You wind your hands in the pillow, holding it like it's your lifeline as you feel him bend forward, grinding his cock with slow strokes. “Feel good, hm?”

“I—kiss me, please,” you manage to gasp out and he winds a hand in your hair, pulling you up with a firm grip to crash your lips together. It’s messy and desperate, ignoring your protesting neck and back just to lick into his mouth hopelessly.

He tugs your bottom lip with his teeth before shoving you back down onto the bed, resuming his quick, calculated thrusts. “Close?”

You nod, head heavy and snake a hand down your body to your clit, circling your fingers around it a little faster. “Uh-huh.”

“Shit, cum for me—wanna feel you, c’mon.” His hand comes down hard and heavy on your ass, and that was the driving point for you, a broken cry of his name into the pillow as your walls clamp to his cock. He groans, thrusting one, two, three more times before he groans, breathing heavily and you feel cock twitch twice before he fills the condom.

His cock is wedged deep inside you as he stills his hips, riding out his orgasm. There’s a wet noise when he slips out and your body falls limp onto the bed, every single muscle inside your body aches and you feel so sore.

You shut your eyes closed for a moment when you hear some movement around the room, some shuffling before your cold body is being engulfed by his warm embrace as he climbs back into the bed with you.

“You okay?” He asks, head dipped in the crevice of your neck, pressing soft kisses against the skin and you nod your head, hands coming up to hold his arm, cherishing his warmth.

“I’m good.” Looking over the curve of your shoulder, you make eye contact with him and smile, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being my first time. I really enjoyed it.”

There’s a look you can’t read on his face but his eyes soften more a moment before he’s moving on top of you. Your body surges up to kiss you, sloppy and happy as his laughter ghosts across your mouth. “You’re so soft.”

“No you are! I saw your eyes soften. I’m not blind.”

“That’s cause—” He looks like he’s about to say something but then shakes his head, looking down.

“Cause what?” You move his head back up to your eyes,furrowing your brows as you wait for him to continue.

“I—I think I love you.”

You swallow, wrinkling your nose and blink up at him, those three words wiping all consciousness from your body. At your silence, he fidgets a little, swallowing constantly and swears he feels heat rushing to his palms.

“Nevermind, I—”

“No! No,no don’t take it back.” You panic, sitting up so quickly you knock your forehead against his. Falling back onto the bed with a groan, you rub at your forehead, wincing a little, “I’m such a mess, sorry—”

“No, it’s fine.” He laughs a little, rubbing his own forehead from the hit.

“I…think I love you too. You just caught me off-guard and I panicked, I’m sorry.” You grab at his hands, bringing them up to your lips and peck the skin there softly watching as he looks at you, wide-eyed. “No, I don’t think; I know I do. I love you, Ran.”

He doesn’t say anything, looking down at the bed for a moment before chuckling, hand coming up to your cheek to caress it lightly, “Like I said before, you’re so soft.”

“Says you!” You want to hit him again but he’s tugging you down onto the bed with him, wrapping his arms around and you smile, snuggling up to his chest.

“You’re staying the night, right?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I can walk home anyway, my legs are fucked.”

“Good.”

#— zeltqz 📭💌#—tr </3 #ran x reader #tokrev smut #tokyorev smut #tokrev #haitani ran x reader #haitani ran x you #ran haitani smut #haitani ran fluff #ran smut #haitani ran x y/n #haitani ran smut #ran haitani x reader

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blood-teeth · 2 years ago

Text

05.19.23

howdy everyone! it's been a long time since i've done one of these. also this is going to be a long post, so if you're like "i'm not reading allthat but stay safe tho" im sorry in advance.

i was going to wait until the two year anniversary of TMITAWH to post this, but i've been getting more and more asks about the status of this game, why it's on lockdown, when it's coming back, etc. largely, i've been dodging these questions or answering them with a vague "oh, i'm working on it!" which is very much the truth. just, not the entirety of it.

the truth is this: the story is done.

the real truth is this:

actually, before i get into that, i wanted to mention something else. i know i've waxed poetry over and over again and maybe it's getting annoying to hear it - so i'm very sorry - but it really is important to me to mention this because it's the motivation and the life-force behind everything that i do on this blog. i wanted to say thank you. i remember typing up the intro post to TMITAWH after getting the second COVID shot, delirious, but bolstered by a fever that had rendered me brave. i've been writing this story since 2019, i had the vision, the characters, the aesthetics and the understanding and i wanted to desperately to share. i never expected the level of support and love from so many of you. i've never had people genuinely vested in my worlds or characters. i remember getting the first comment about the prologue and slamming my computer shut and freaking out. i cried when i got my first ask telling me how much they'd love it, despite the small amount of content. the fever may have given me the courage to post it, but y'all gave me the courage to continue. and that means more to me than anything means to me in this world. for two whole years!! you've dealt with my wildly out of pocket thoughts, long absences, and have continued to show your willingness to continue the exercise in patience. i dont have people in real life that would do that for me. so thank you, thank you for being here, thank you for caring, thank you for the sweet comments. i wasn't lying when i said that i keep most asks unanswered because i go back and read them, hold the words close to my chest, and convince myself that i can do what i want to do when it comes to storytelling. thank you. forever and always. i know this feels maybe so much like im baring my soul, but i think it's important. TMITAWH saved my life. I mean that in every understanding, with the breadths and depths of my soul. I mean that with all the fibers and cells and atoms that make up me. This story saved my life. it's important to me that you know that in so many ways you all did, too.

so much of the reason i've been sitting on this is honestly mostly fear. it's choking me now as i write this. i'm scared of y'alls reaction, i'm scared of potentially disappointing anyone, and i'm scared of people just being overall pissed off. which i would get! this is not why the majority of you are following me. i'm asking for grace, for understanding, for mercy.

so, the real truth is this:

Tell Me If There's A Way Home is complete. there's a beginning, of sort, a middle, an end. but, it is not complete in the way you might expect an IF to be complete.

this is, simply, because Tell Me If There's A Way Home has been re-written and re-formatted into a novel.

over this past year, i was struggling with the story. things had along the way stopped making sense. this WAS the story i wanted to tell, i knew what had to happen in order to get the whole point of it across. is it better to get back what you've lost, what does it look like when you do get it back? but there was something that wasn't working. i could force the scenes, have The Traveler spend time with Cain in his little house talking about his past, or provide the option to explore the peaks of a mountain looking for a legend of old. i could do all this. but it was all wrong. the story had become corrupted along the way and the vision of it that i held onto so desperately was fading into obscurity.

so i opened a new word document and just wrote. i wrote for a whole year, and the story unveiled itself to be in the way i believe it was always supposed to. i understand so much more of this story than i did two years ago. sitting at 90k words, book 1 is officially done. it's essentially the same story you all had read, but different somehow. more than it ever could have been in an IF format. there are the characters you love. there's cain. there's silas. alice of course. there's the traveler as *her* own character. and there's the reverie. but the reverie is no longer Ezio/Elena. it's just elena now. its beautiful, gorgeous elena with her quick smile and hemlock eyes and her memories.

what happens now?

i'll be spending the next few months making the book as perfect as i can make it. i've been working through the rough draft - or alpha draft- and then i will ask some people to see if they want to read draft 2, draft 3 , draft 4. however many drafts it takes until i feel as though i can do no more. after this, i'll query agents and pray to god that in the hellscape publishing is in right now that im offered representation. after this, i'll pray to god that an editor likes the book enough to want to work with me on it. after this, i'll pray to god that a publishing house likes the book enough to buy it, put in on shelves. there's going to be a lot of praying to god. a lot of luck. so i think it'll be a while before anybody gets to hold the book in their hands, but god i hope y'all get to. i really hope you get to. more than that. i hope you want to.

after all of this, i'll be working on book 2. i already have the title. i already have the first chapter. i know exactly what happens and how.

i know there's maybe some confusion, so please feel free to send me asks about it. i will happily and gladly answer what i can and discuss it.

i'm so so sorry for the long post. this all felt important to mention and it felt important to be transparent with y'all. this was becoming a secret too hard to keep and i'm glad that i dont have to anymore. i hope you're not mad, disappointed, etc. that would really suck ass. i hope you're excited, maybe. i hope you're curious.

anyway. thank you for getting this far, if you did. thank you. i love you. i'll talk to you soon <3

#Tell Me If There's A Way Home #Tell Me If There's A Way Home update #tmitawh #tmitawh update #i feel sickkkkkk #and nervous #ahhhhhhhh #AHHHHH #please ignore the spelling errors #my computer is on her last legs #keyboard functionality is taking a huge shit

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atsumiye · 4 years ago

Text

it’s been 3 weeks since you ran into suna on the train. and as much as you hate to admit it, its consumed your thoughts. the way his hair grew a bit longer, the way he got just a bit taller, the way he gained more muscle. and even with all the changes you saw, he still reminds you of the old suna. the one you fell in love with.

so when atsumu spoke to you a week later asking why suna was suddenly begging for your number again, you told him it was okay to give out your new number. it was quiet for a while, so you wondered if atsumu even listened to you, until a few days ago.

and its been just 3 days since he sent a series of texts, all of which have gone unanswered.

suna: hey this is suna. thanks for letting me text you.

suna: i was hoping maybe we could talk?

suna: y/n, i really miss you. and i’m so sorry for how things ended.

suna: please just talk to me.

suna: i love you.

suna: sorry.

suna: just please. let me talk to you once okay?

you stare at your screen, unsure of how to go about things. the breakup was bad. but the aftermath of getting your heart torn to pieces, was even worse. because the only thing you think of when you stare at those messages is the all the situations that had lead to the end of what was a treasured relationship. how he let someone tear you two apart.

but your unresolved feelings and unanswered questions make it difficult to click the block button again, and pretend it never happened. pretend like you never ran into him that day. pretend like he isn't the first thing you think of when you when wake up and the last thing on your mind before you go to bed.

but you can’t, because anytime he comes to mind you still feel your face heat up. and whenever atsumu would slip up and accidentally say his name, you would become more interested in what he had to say. and anytime you looked at the only jacket of his that you still had, you could still feel the ghost of his fingers placing it softly on your shoulders.

you know you'll need to answer soon, because he seems to be getting more persistent to just have a chance to speak with you. the random messages every few hours from atsumu that dont really sound like him, asking if you were okay, if you ate dinner, if you slept well last night. because it was something suna used to do.

and that shows he still cares right? he regrets how he ended things? because none of this would have happened had he just listened to how you felt, instead of brushing it off and saying how he only loved you. you want closure. you want to know why things happened the way they did. you want to know why he didn't even fight for you stay. even if knowing those answers will hurt you more.

so no matter how you think of it, there's only one answer you want to give him.

y/n: okay, i'll talk to you.

1 year and 5 months ago

its been five hours. you can't believe that you convinced yourself to stay even 5 minutes past the first hour he was late, but yet again it seems as if you are the only one holding on to what remains of this relationship.

the popcorn has gone stale, as you've refused to touch it since he always complains about you eating it before the movie even starts. the ice cold drinks he loves have melted, the water rings around the cup an indicator of just how long its been. the poor teenagers manning the counter watching you shift which hand you lean your head on.

and you'd be worried had it been the first time suna had left you like this on a date that he planned. but this is probably the 17th? 18th time? and you realize you've truly lost count of how often this occurs. and that angers you because you shouldn't even have to count how many times your boyfriend stands you up on dates.

you hear the doors to the theater slam open and the sound of someone running. out of breath, he runs up to the table youre sat at. he grabs your hand and squeezes, "y/n, im so sorry. what should we-"

"the movie ended 3 hours ago. why did you even come here." you stand up from the table, removing your hand from his grip and tossing the full popcorn and drinks into the trash.

he reaches for your wrist, trying to pull you back towards him, only to have you yank it out of his hold, "babe, i really didn't mean to."

you sigh, "i just want to go home."

he nods, holding the door open for you then shoving his hands into his jean pockets as you walk home in silence. suna decides to be the first to break the tension by sliding his jacket over your shoulders, "you look cold."

you hum. you want to tell him that you hadn't planned on being out this late as the temperature dropped but you hold it in and continue walking, your eyes glued to the street ahead of you.

"where were you this time, rin?"

he pauses and that gives you the answer you were hoping you wouldn't receive. he was with her.

"she wasn't feeling well and her parents weren't home. i was only going to stay for a few minutes but she didn't have dinner and-"

you stop walking, turning to face him, "when do i get to be your first choice?" you pause, holding eye contact with him, "when do i get to be the one you think about? when are you going to realize how uncomfortable she makes me?" you sigh, turning back around to keep walking towards your apartment, "i've told you so many times that you keep letting her come in the way of our relationship. not once have i told you to stop being friends with her, despite her being your ex. and for what is probably the 18th time, you've left me alone on a date. one that you planned to make up for the one you missed last week. and the week before that. and also the week before that."

snapping your head back you look at him again, "which you missed because of her. again."

you pull your keys out of your bag and unlock your front door, "i can't keep doing this anymore."

you walk into your apartment, standing at the entrance you whisper out, "goodnight suna."

and you close your front door.

part of the series; look at me

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gojology · 4 years ago

Text

Intense Healing Session.

the request :

pairing : caring! healer! fem! reader x gojo satoru hehhehe warnings : cursing, implications of seggs after sum intense kissing, pet names wordcount : 2.0k a/n : yoyo i’m back!! semi-long one for u all. cute request, anon. sorry for late delivery. pls dont rate me a 1/5 on yelp </3 hehe the title is kinda funny LOL

You’re beginning to hate Satoru. Surprisingly, it’s not for the reasons people dislike him- he’s a bit of a blabbermouth, never quite learned how to seal his lips just because of how important he was to the jujutsu world. Unsurprisingly, he gets away with everything because he’s attractive and crucial to defeating curses, and there’s no shame in admitting it. People hate Satoru for his destructive personality, he’s carefree and doesn’t let anything get to him. This may be a good trait for the untrained eye, but look carefully and you’ll see just how hectic he gets. It’s manageable since you don’t have to deal with him at the level of the Jujutsu elders. You don’t particularly hate him for this, though. It’s the fact he puts you through so much work, for almost no reason. You’re a healer- something very important to the quaint school that you worked at. Healing abilities are often overlooked, it’s often said that if a jujutsu sorcerer can’t provide offense, then they’re not much of a jujutsu sorcerer. Unfortunately, you have little to no talent in the battlefield, so essentially you’re a meat shield to everyone. It was a growing occurrence to see him after every business trip, slightly roughed up but not enough to kill him. He comes into the room you share alongside Shoko, almost always when she’s not there, takes his shirt off, and displays a wide variety of cuts and bruises on his back like he’s a museum. You’d scold him, asking him how he’d get such abrasions with his infinity up constantly- but Satoru would hum, unanswering while you’re working your hands on his back. Maybe you’re overreacting- but something tells you he does this on purpose, perhaps to fuck with you, and you’re bitter about it. So it wasn’t surprising to see him whistle a sweet tune, hands shoved deep into his uniform pockets, casually strolling into the medical attention room for the fifth time this month. “Gojo Satoru.” you say his full name aloud, just so he knows how much you hate his presence. Turning to look at you, his face displays innocent shock, but you just know that he’s probably rolling around in the inside seeing how riled up you got just by him stepping into the room. Drained, lifeless eyes stare back at his childish bright ones. Gojo places a hand on his chest defensively, “Well, I’ll be, Y/N. When did you want to disrespect your senior?” he snickers before shutting the door behind him. “You mad?” “Unbearably. Lucky I care for you.” you utter back, venom dripping in your words, you feel like you’re making a fool of yourself as you shove your lunch aside that you had been enjoying on the tiny table next to you, sighing and rubbing your temples, tugging and effectively straightening your coat. “Get on the bed, let me work my magic.” Looking at you with a shit-eating grin, he whistles, placing his elbows against the mattress, his roughened hands caressing his cheeks. “Working your magic? I’m interested. Tell me more, Y/N. Does this involve... Getting naked, perhaps?” Staggering, you give him a dirty glare, “Satoru! I’ve been working my ass off like every week to get you all healed up, and you dare be perverted in my-” “No cursing, lil girl! You wouldn’t want this rubbing off on Yuuji-kun and everyone else, would you? You’d be charged with a felony!” leaving you stunned for a second time- the first time being when his lanky figure strode into the room like it was his room- you don’t even know how to respond. How could one possibly be so... Ungrateful for your work? Well, then again the elders existed... That was besides the point, though. You’re not even sure if Yuuji knows what the word fuck or shit is. He drags his finger lazily along the cot, drawing various shapes into existence, giving you a skeptical look. “Not gonna answer? Stumped?” He broke through your train of thought, and you shake your head. “Satoru, I don’t know any sort of fighting jujutsu, but I will fucking pulverize you and make sure you’ll be dust by the time I’m done with y-” Butting in, he raises his hand as a way to shut you up. “Honeybun, you’re an amazing jujutsu sorcerer, but I hope you realize why they call me the strongest of all time. If you haven’t noticed, it’s because I have a constant shield. The closest you can get to doing that is maybe poking me.” Giving him a snooty face, you’re frankly about to push him out of the room with sheer willpower and hatred alone. It seems he realizes this, a moment of adoration flickering across his eyes before finally neutralizing. “Alright, alright, I’ll stop playing with you. You’re so cute when I do though, like a little... Rabid raccoon! How can I not resist?” It’s difficult to tell if that’s a compliment or an insult, with Satoru, it could be several things. But, you’re still slightly flattered, knowing him he’d go out of his way to lengthen his insult if it was one- just another reason why you hated him. Being called a rabid raccoon was definitely not on Satoru’s top 10 utterly offensive insults. “Shut up, Satoru. Here, take off your shirt, what did you get yourself into this time?” He obliges with a nasty grin on his handsome features, hastily yanking off his uniform. Underneath was a very meticulously trained body, toned muscles and all. You can’t help but to also catch a glimpse of his collarbones, which were so defined it looked like it could cut your butter for your morning pancakes. You gulp, blinking, you had forgotten just how well-shaped he was in the one week you hadn’t seen him. “No need to stare, sweetums.” he chirps, realizing your darkening cheeks. “Feed my ego any more and I’ll probably burst and my organs will decorate your walls. You can donate my body to the local college, they’ll be surprised by how top-notch they are.” Giving him another stern, but much more sheepish gaze, he snaps his mouth shut, but a triumphant smile replaced his grin in place. “Please, no gruesome detailing. I’d much rather my cute kitten posters.” you motion to a white cat slumbering peacefully in a basket. “Looks just like you.” he says. You close your eyes and pretend he’s not there, choosing to ignore yet another one of his compliments, but your heart thumps faster in your heaving chest. Heaven knows how curious your hands could get if you could see where you were touching- “Those are my abs, Y/N. I think we’re focusing on my back.” he muses aloud in an almost teasing tone. You can already imagine how obnoxious his face is, opening your eyes hesitantly, blinking to adjust to the bright room lights. Your hands are still hovering above his abs, his gaze is upon yours, looking at you with a mix of speculation and speechlessness. Instead of his unusual smug smirk, there’s an almost coy expression on his features, which shocked you. “How’d your hands get there? Last time I checked, abs are at the front, not the back, hmmm?” You grit your teeth, your face flush with warmth at your sudden realization. There was no cheeky retort you could’ve possibly come up with, after all, he was right, how did your hands wander to his abs? You weren’t thinking of doing it. You weren’t interested in him either, but he was attractive. Of course you’d be too curious for your own good.. Yes, that was it.. “Your hands are still on an inappropriate place, Y/N. Except, a lil lower than last time.” he chuckles wholesomely as you jerk up, straightening yourself and clearly sweating, your arm wiping your brow and exhaling a drawn-out and awfully dramatic sigh. “Give me a break, Satoru. I just, um, you know... Zone out.” your pitch was unconvincing, high-pitched and wavering, bringing your chances of believability to a low. “So, this is like, the 375th time since you’ve zoned out, lil girl.” he tsks, “You’ve gotta sound convincing if you wanna fuckin lie, you know.” “I--” you falter, now clearly a shade darker than you were just 5 minutes ago. Your heart beating so rapidly it was almost like you were running a marathon. Why was your pulse so quick? Why was everything in the room a blur besides him? Why couldn’t you focus on healing him? What was he doing to you? “You haven’t even begun the healing process.” he murmurs, his large hands caressing your arm that was by your side. “Anything you want to tell me, pumpkin? I’m on a tight ass schedule, but I’ll let Ijichi solve that. Spit it out.” His voice rang out high and clear amongst the hectic fight that was going inside your head, steadying your thoughts. A few moments pass by, studying him, lips moving but no words coming out. Why was it so difficult to say through the insults, you cared for him, and wanted him to be more careful? Was it because of the monster inside of you, who wanted him to get hurt, to spend his time with you, listen to his horrible compliments and giggle at the jokes he made as you worked at a snail’s pace on his back, that weren’t even funny, but was funny because of his presence in the dead room, his boyish laugh very much needed in such days of flatness? “Satoru..” you finally muster out, his eyes flickering on you once more as he was studying the kitten poster with much boredom. “I just.. Care for you.” “Huh.” is all he says, face falling and examining the spotless floor. “Is that all?” Acknowledging his body language, you huff, suddenly filled with the need to defend yourself. “What else did you want me to say? I just feel like you’ve gotten yourself hurt a lot more recently and... I just, want you to be more careful. That’s all.” “No.” he was barely audible, so you had to lean down to hear him. “No, that’s not it at all. You’re hiding something. Do you prefer me to say it?” Puzzled, you peer at him with childlike curiosity gleaming in your eyes. What did he know about you that you didn’t? Surely, you knew all about yourself? “You’re not that fucking dumb, are you?” “Huh?-” you begin to speak, clearly offended, but you’re stopped. By none other than his lips. They’re soft, pillow-like even. A familiar warmth floods inside of you at the sudden physical contact from Satoru, except it’s amplified by 10 times. A moan slips out of your mouth, his hand against your back so suddenly you could’ve sworn it wasn’t there just a millisecond ago. His lips were mashing against yours, as if he wanted to have done this a long time ago. You hungrily push back, teasing your mouth with his tongue that slipped just barely into your mouth before indulging in you, which you thought wouldn’t had ever happened prior to this. You grip the back of his head firmly, as if he were to escape, other hand tangled in his snow white tufts of hair. Eyelashes fluttering, heavy breathes fanning out both of your noses, your lips were sure to be swollen after this. Your tongues dueling each other, working your mouth against his. His unoccupied hands start to play with the hem of your shirt, and another moan slips out of your mouth, anxious to have progressed so far to the removal of clothing, but at this point, you’re ready for anything. ‧₊˚✩彡. “I don’t think Gojo-Senpai and Y/N-Senpai are just in an intense healing session.” breathed Yuuji with a terrified look in his eyes, clutching his arm that was bloodied up, his head leaned close to the firmly shut door. Nobara looked like she was about to faint, looking at the door as if it was a several feet tall monstrosity of a curse. “What? What are they doing in there?” Megumi knelt down to where Yuuji was, pushing his ear against the door, and immediately his eyes shot open, a traumatized look in his fearful eyes. “What the fuck.”

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iwaasfairy · 3 years ago

Note

Start a Patreon and write for the people who are still interacting with you or just stop writing for some time it's not healthy to keep pushing and feeling drained anyways or just start everything anew

i mean you also have to see this from our pov, you've said so yourself that you have a bunch of unanswered asks (and i mean non-request asks), if you dont answer us how are we not supposed to feel discouraged or lose interest? you really seem to only favor particular anons and your mutuals

i understand that you have a large following and might be getting many asks and that it can feel overwhelming but i guess thats the downside of having a large following

I absolutely love your content and wouldnt want you to feel pressured into writing something because you have a responsibility towards us i want you to write because you want to but interaction-wise i have completely stopped, jst disheartened

warning: long response lmao buckle in,,, i had to sit with this ask for a little bit because i really dont know how to,, feel about it

first of, an obvious big thank you to the compliments you did put in between the criticism here, im very happy to hear that you enjoy my writing and that you don't want me to be pressured. that's very sweet. and while i have considered making a patreon, i dont find it fair on people who would pledge to not have a guarantee that they'd have however set amount of content a month.

at this point, i can't guarantee that. i go through ups and downs writing, i have bursts of inspiration sometimes and sometimes i just dont. that's just the nature of being a content creator. and as i don't get payed for this as of current, that's okay.

i had already taken a hiatus before and returned to post 6 more fics in 4 months when i did, because i returned with renewed energy. i returned to writing here because i wanted to. i understand that you are saying it out of a want to help and give advice, but it's quite hurtful an answer to someone who refused to leave even though all her close friends apart from a tiny fraction left, and someone who's been trying to keep a little bit of the spirit in it for new fans. because there's nothing more sad to me than seeing a fandom i love die before my eyes.

now is not the time for a break for me. i don't need a break, what i need is the tiniest bit of effort from all the people who consume content without giving back. i have already made a new blog before too,, and people didn't care to follow me over, so there's no use. i've been building this blog for the last 3 years, and there's no point in throwing away my hard work for something that might not ever get to the level it was at anyway.

but this ask is also overshadowed a little by the sheer negativity being tossed at me, even if it wasn't your intent, or even if you said it politely. it's quite a strange and harsh thing to say to someone who's expressing a grievance,,, don't you think? i have seen it from your pov, many many times. i have not said a thing about it for months, again, because i don't want to hurt people's feelings. i might have said that i have a bunch of unanswered asks before yes, because that's true, but as i also said in that same breath, most of them are requests. even if they don't straight out say "please write -" they can still be requests.

i also think you've already sent me a similar message a few months back when i was expressing frustration, which,,, kind of proves that i don't ignore anyone, and i haven't ignored your asks. i don't pick favorites, i don't only answer certain anons for the fun of it. and i don't know if you have tried to scroll my blog in the last few months, but any time i am able, all i'm doing is answering asks. all of which go ignored.

i have hundreds of answered asks that get no, or maybe one-three notes. i think it's only reasonable then that i started to assume that the majority of people didn't really care about my answers, and that maybe yes i did subconciously get more cautious which asks i answer immediately get upon getting them, because i didn't want to flood people's dashes and annoy them with my answers. i answer the asks first that are short and easy to answer, or that make me laugh or are trying to make me happy.

i answer an enormous amount of asks in between fics. so i'm sorry to say, but i genuinely don't think i've ignored many of your asks as you claim. you don't sign your asks so i wouldn't know if or when you revisited me if i tried,,, but just math wise it doesn't make sense. if you had sent me between 3-5 asks over these last few months, there's a 99% chance that i have at least answered one or two of them.

and if you've sent maybe one, or two asks and i happen not to have answered them, i am sorry for that, truly, because i never mean to exclude anyone from a conversation. but like i said, the majority of people don't care about my responses, and i don't want to dry my blog out more by burying my writing under such a heap of asks that people don't even bother to read anymore. i really don't know what you expect me to do.

people dont read my posts (any post except a full fic), or if they do, even leaving a like is too much to ask. i feel like im talking to a void with 99% of this blog. and though people do read my fics, it is such a rare thing to get a reblog, a nice comment, or an ask going into my fics. talking about a thing they liked, or simply saying they enjoyed the fic. you seem to equate me asking for interaction with 'sending asks', but that's not the case.

anything is interaction. showing you're interested. showing you're here, you're listening. showing you read something. this isn't ao3, i have no way of knowing how many people are actually here. so when writers ask for interaction, they aren't asking you for a book report (though i can guarantee that if you care about a fic and you put i that kind of effort that'll make you so so loved by that writer, and maybe you'll even become friends lmao,, that's how me and rhi, clover, angel, mous, violet, bee... became acquainted after all)

they are just asking for any sign that their hard work is not just,, there. it'd be nice to show you care. even if writers might not respond to you right away, or even at all

#i am befuddled by this ask bc #while i want to take constructive criticism when it comes #this felt ;;; off for a few reasons #and if you think this is a harsh response anon; trust that i didnt mean it that way #i hear you; im not trying to be needlessly defensive #im sure i am not perfect in ask answering #but i am trying my fucking best; and you seem to forget i am just one person #and im sorry you feel discouraged; i hope you feel better soon and if not with me; you send your love out elsewhere #but i hope you do know that while i am choosing to look at this with a kind eye and assuming you mean well; its hard to overlook #this feels a little guilt trippy #honey mail

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stormblessed95 · 4 years ago

Note

Unpopular opinion I guess but I don’t see how that anon asking about Jikook and kids is homophobic. Gay and lesbian couples can’t naturally have kids, it’s a fact, no judgement here, we just can’t. And right now in most countries around the globe - even the most liberal ones - it is still extremely complicated for us to have kids, no matter how - adoption, ART, surrogate motherhood, you name it. Judging by how far South Korea is when it comes to LGBT rights, I doubt it’s an easy thing to have a kid when you’re in a same-sex relationship over there. Not completely impossible for sure, but surely very, very, very complicated. So if Jikook want to have kids in the future, it’s pretty logical that some people are wondering what about them then? I don’t want kids myself but I witnessed a gay couple around me having a crisis over this, it’s an extremely complicated issue that legitimately can create tension within the relationship - same for straight couples that can’t have kids actually. I don’t think that anon meant it in a "they can’t be gay if they want kids because gay can’t have kids" kind-of way. They can’t have them but they surely can want them but it’s not always possible to fulfill that wish unfortunately. I don’t want to be a party pooper but yes some couple may split because of this and it was not so uncommon for queer people not so long ago to "give up" on that part of themselves, to sacrifice themselves and engage in a straight relationship in order to be able to have kids. Still happens in some countries most probably. It’s a shame, it’s shocking, but it happens. Now it’s not really our business if Jikook do want to have kids or not, and it they do want kids it doesn’t mean they can’t be a couple, but I understand that it may rise some questions for some people. Even though they’re rich af, they’re still korean citizens, and I don’t see them willing to move outside of the korean borders so yes it could be a huge issue for them.

Sometimes I see Jikook blogs quick to jump to conclusions and scream about homophobia when I just don’t see it. Most Armys are quite young and from conservative countries, it’s only normal that they’re ignorant about LGBT issues. I see a lot of them willing to learn, being supportive (maybe I’m too optimistic). We all have stereotypes about this and that, it doesn’t necessarily means we’re -phobic. Heck I’m from a liberal western country, lesbian myself and I’ve said some pretty dumb things as well regarding wlw relationships. I don’t see homophobia in saying that gay people can’t have kids. I do see it when people say they shouldn’t have kids though, but it’s a different statement. It’s okay to ask questions, why always question people’s intentions? How do we expect people to learn if we relate everything regarding LGBT issues to homophobia? They’re going be afraid to ask if we keep acting this. - I’m obviously not talking about straight up crystal clear homophobic statements. Which I really don’t think anon’s question was.

Soooo I'm not sure how to totally answer this except to be totally honest with yall. Before you send an ask into a blogger about "why are you defensive?" Or "why do you all jump immediately into saying something is homophobic?" Please take a moment to really consider why that is. If you run a blog and have anon asks on, you probably already know. If you don't, let me tell you. Because there is a lot that never gets published.

For every ask yall see, there are 2 that you dont. I've answered like 800 asks at this point, so that is ALOT of asks gone unanswered that you never see. Sometimes they are innocent and just not something I feel like answering or are repeat questions or rants. Often times they are hateful. Sometimes that hate is directed at me, often it's at the members. Or it's at KMs bond. I cannot begin to tell yall the amount of asks I have gotten trying to invalidate the idea that Jimin and Jungkook could be gay, much less in a relationship with each other. Using all kinds of various reasons that simply are not reasons at all. Such as, for example, the kids thing. I have gotten asks from people saying Jimin is straight and he is going to be a wonderful dad, which would be impossible if he were gay with JK so he can't be. I've even gotten asks from Jikookers trying to disprove Taekook as a ship by saying that Tae cannot be gay because he has been very vocal about wanting kids and that would be impossible if he were gay and dating JK. Which is simply not true. I get these a couple times a month at a minimum. I get others about them being attracted to women, or pulling away from skinship, or spending time with xyz member, or looking at xyz girl group member on stage, etc etc etc. I basically delete this all the time right away because it's simply not worth it because those people don't actually care and I don't have the mental energy to sit and try and educate every anon who walks into my inbox. I have done it before and done it nicely and respectfully many times. It's exhausting. And it's constant as long as my anon asks are turned on. It's why I turn them off every now and then, to play catch up and give myself a break.

And when you are dealing with an influx of toxic anons that frankly are homophobic or just other shippers and being hateful.... can you understand how that might make you learn to be wary of all anons. It's not all anons, it's not even most anons, but there are quite a few that ruin it for everyone. So if you send in wn anon ask and it's super vague and feelings slightly leading, most of us who run these blogs and answer these questions will probably assume that you ARE trying to lead us to the answer that jikook is impossible or their is no chance that they are involved or that they are trying to invalidate them in some way. So when the ask in question was "Jimin wants kids, what about jikook?" It leaves me side eyeing the anon a little bit. The reason I answered that one at all instead of deleting it with all the rest is that it WAS vague, so I answered very generally, answering all the different ways I assumed the ask COULD be referring to. And because it does imply that if it was questioning their possible relationship, that the anon seemed to be trying to lead me to a conclusion that jikook would then be impossible, because of wanting kids. Which is very simply untrue. So unless you are clear with your ask, you run the risk of being misunderstood. And I will always err on the side of caution because of the amount of toxicity that sometimes gets into my ask box. And Im sure that is what is going on with other bloggers too. So again, I ask that please, before you assume that we all just don't care or are too quick to judge, open a KM focused blog and allow anons in for a month. Sift through all the drama and try to understand what we all are working with.

So while I don't think you are necessarily wrong, I do think my opinion stands that if the idea of either of them wanting children or liking children or speaking very generally about bangtans future children makes the idea of them being gay and/or being together questionable, that does sit in the realm of homophobia. And assuming every anon has good intentions just isn't possible. If you want to send an ask or a message outside of anonymous mode, it does make it easier to trust your intentions behind the ask because you are assigning your name/handle to it. And while there is nothing wrong with keeping things anonymous, I keep them on for a reason, you just have to accept that unless your intentions are very clear and easy to read (this has nothing to do with what language you speak btw, please don't worry about that), most bloggers will probably be a little wary of you. And with the kids one in question, I was nice, I kept things generalized and answered the question in ways that would have had nothing to do with questioning the validity of their possible relationship as well as the ones where the intention would have been to do that.

Hope that all makes sense and helps you, anon, and everyone else who sees this understand why sometimes JKK blogs are quick to get defensive or to not just implicitly trust in everyone's good intentions. Please remember that we who do these blogs are human too, and answer these asks in our spare time. Hope everyone has a lovely day 💜

#jikook #kookmin #jikook blog

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killerskillercaptain · 4 years ago

Text

Forget Me Not - part I

this work is based on this request

pairing : levi ackerman x reader

wc 1,8 k +

themes : reincarnation au, canonverse to modern au, Levi and Reader both reincarnate in modern au, Levi remembers his past life, reader does not.

warnings : lots of angst, death of reader, cursing.

You dragged your blades along the flesh of another titan's neck, tearing through it just enough to kill the giant. You watched the titan fall and crash while you landed on the ground using your ODM gear.

"Shit !" you muttered a bit panicked

Those were your last usable blades, all of the others already broke and the remaining ones were too damaged, weathered by the long and repetitive moves.

You looked around you, there were so many soldiers dead, their bodies lying flat on the ground, but you couldn't spot a single blade fit for use near any of the corpses, all of their swords had either been snapped in half, crushed or are still planted on the giant bodies trying to eat you alive.

Never had a battle been so demanding and tiresome, you don't recall seing a mission this gruesome, and you were a vet ! If there was a hell on earth, this would be it. Even the weather wasn't in your favor; it was raining blood, the air was filled with a repugnant smell that you soldiers were all too familiar with, the smell of titans body fluids and body parts rotting not far away from you. All of this was bearable you thought, grown accustomed to, what was never tolerable was the cries of your comrades getting eaten alive. The sound of their bodies crushed or getting bitten sounded new each time. It was strange, there was all this killing going on, all these horrible deaths happening right now, the rain and the muffled sounds of bones being crushed at the palms of faith, and some last words you could barely comprehend, but strangely enough, time seemed to stop for you, everything around you began to become distant and you could feel what resembled a calmness inside the turmoil inside of you. What was this odd feeling you thought, looking down at your hands, you observed the spoilt blades of your two swords, your hands weren't shaking anymore, and you found yourself in a bizarre state of apathy.

Did you accept your nearing death ? Were you going to stop fighting and let today be your last ? What could you do ? There were still more titans than soldiers, you were on your knees, incapable of making them move, even if there was a blade you could use on a body somewhere, you wouldn't be able to reach it without getting in the visual field of a titan, it would be like rushing to your death. You were stuck, your years of experience had taught you to assess quickly and effectively situations, and you knew you couldn't kill or save now, you could only run for your life, an option you couldn't bring yourself to do, maybe someone will come, someone with reinforcement and equipment.

You couldn't desert a battlefield. Looking up at the sky, you closed your eyes, cancealing the horrors of your surroundings, you prayed for one person to show up, only one person could make a way out of this hopeless situation.

Eyes still closed, you thought about Levi Ackerman, you wondered where he could be right now, you thought about the way he methodically does his job, nice and clean, no one being able to match his skills, you thought about how much he hated casualties and pointless deaths. As foolish and frivolous it was, you thought about his jet black hair and the way it would fall on his face while he escapes from a titan's grip, how his jaw clenches when he's faced with a particularly bothersome specimen, you weren't aware you picked up on those things until now, not to forget how his body spins, like a dancer in a deadly ballet. You also thought about how he always kept an eye on you every time you were together on a field, his eyes always trying to locate you somehow, you caught him so many times throwing worried glances at you, especially in dangerous situations, more than any other of his comrades. Did it mean anything ? You never thought about it that way, come to think of it, you never knew what Levi Ackerman thought of you, were you just a another comrade to him or someone more important ? Those questions were going to stay unanswered. All those times you caught him eyeing you, overprotecting you, asking you if you ate, slept, rested at the most random of occasions.

And him ? Did he know what you thought of him ?

You felt the ground tremble underneath you all of a sudden, you looked beside you and you saw a giant human-like feet, its nails extremely dirty, a long and deep cut carving an opening at its ankle, leaving the insides completely visible. When did you get accustomed to such disgusting sights ? The titan bent over, watching your form, you were looking up at him now.

He has a friendly face you thought.

You pictured Levi in your head, for maybe what you thought was your last moment. He hated futile losses.

"Don't you dare die on me" he always said.

An ear piercing sound blew out of nowhere and a black signal tore the sky apart. You saw a small figure jump from tree to tree using an ODM gear, you didn't recognize who it was until the silhouette landed next to you, only inches away. Blood and rain on his face, Levi pulled you up by your underarm.

"GET UP ! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?

"I don't- i don't know what had gotten into me Levi"

"I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT MOVE IT"

He let go of your arm and grabbed you by the collar of your cape and forced you to stand on your now shaky legs.

"I'm out of gas Levi"

"What ?"

If you've never seen Levi panic, you did now. His eyes darted around frenetically, from the titans to the dead bodies then back to you again. He was grabbing you by the arm again, you could feel his long fingers digging into your forearm, he was tense and panicking. Panicking because both of you didn't have horses, but mostly because he had only one gas bottle left.

Levi looked down, trying to asses the situation and come with a plan for both of you to shun the titans and get out safely while having just enough gas for one person. Feeling a hot puff on the top of your heads you both looked up just in time to see two big eyes and a large mouth ready to chop both of your heads off, Levi shot his grapple hooks and pulled you by the waist with him, you escaped this one, but he couldn't guarantee the others, this situation couldn't go one he thought. You landed far enough to be out of reach from the titan who just attacked you, but you could already spot two blonde abnormals noticing you and coming for you. Levi quickly grabbed his gas container and detached it from his gear.

"Here ! Take it ! This should be enough for you to escape far from titan territory !" Levi shouted under the heavy cascade of rain.

"What ? No !"

"Don't be fucking stupid ! Take it ! I can manage to escape without it somehow ! Forget about completing the mission ! We retreat NOW !"

You reached for the container and placed it on your own gear before standing up. One of the abnormal had come so close now you could see the veins on his ridiculously large stomach. Levi grabbed your arm one last time "I'm going to shot my hooks at the nearest tree, i'm gonna distract this one so you can escape ! You take the opposite direction"

You nodded while the ground shook harder now that the titan was in front of you, his gigantic form casting its shadow over you. You actioned your hand grips, your hooks flew right into a tree in the opposite direction of where Levi went, you prepared yourself to use the gas to speed up.

Levi thinking the titan would naturally follow him instead, landed on a giant oak before turning around. His face darkened as soon as his eyes landed on you. You were struggling to get past the titan who was still chasing you and ignoring Levi, how come you weren't moving fast, the amount of gas should have been enough.

Levi's felt his heart stop and sink down his stomach, he instinctively reached behind him and pulled up the container he still had.

It was full.

He had given you the wrong gas container.

He mixed them up and gave you the empty one.

That's why you were so slow, too slow.

Too late.

Looking up, afflicted, he launched forward screaming your name, but it was in vain and he knew it. He couldn't take his eyes off your small figure getting picked up by a giant human hand who didn't have the any struggle catching up with you.

You think you heard him scream

You think you heard him scream your name

You're not sure, but you think you heard him slash the titan's fingers and landing with you on the ground, the titan's blood pouring down on both of you, hot and sticking.

For a moment, you thought you were going to make it, but you got suddenly conscious of the grotesque laceration on your lower abdomen and knew that this was it. You weren't going to make it.

An indescribable pain, a man's cry of misery, and cold blood running through your veins, you watched your vision go black, and for a split of second, the feeling of falling down an immense pit was all you could think of, the voice of Levi's cries resonating against the walls of what you assumed was your consciousness.

"I'm sorry ! I'm so sorry !" "Forgive me !"

***

When you opened your eyes, the sunlight blasting through a nearby window blasted your vision, when your eyes adjusted to the lightening, you realized you were in a room painted with an immaculate white.

How did you get in this hospital room ?

Wait, how did you know this was a hospital room ?

Because it looks familiar

You tried to recall anything prior to this instant, but you couldn't. Your mind was blank, you grabbed your head with your two hands, how come your memory was so blank ?

Outside of the building, you could hear chanting ambulances and honking cars in the distance, making your head throb painfully. You looked at your right, a bed table was there, on top was a bottle of mineral water, your keys, and your purse with a stethoscope dangling from it. There was also flowers dipping in a small amount of water inside a glass.

Your purse ? Your keys ? You don't remember coming here by yourself ! You tried to get up and get out of bed but the thumping inside your head quickly urged you to lay back down rapidly. You closed your eyes to try and shut the pain but heard footsteps shuffling cautiously inside the room, eyes still closed you heard a familiar soft and young voice ask if you were awake.

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nahoyaglock · 4 years ago

Text

WHEN I STOP BREATHING..

pairings! ushijima x reader

summary! sitting on the beach, so close to each other they can hear each other’s heartbeats. They both smile and they watch the world end right in front of them, reminiscing on all they’ve been through together. Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

genre! angst

word count! didnt bother actually counting so ill estimate maybe 2000+

warnings! end of the world, death, murder mention, slight ooc ushijima idk its the end of the world so pff

a/n! uh idk i wanna hurt people, sorry if this is bad i havent written in a while :p i feel like the beginning was really good, the middle was ass and the end was okay but hoh im happy enough w this. I also cried writing this ngl lmaoo also did not fix any errors so my bad

You knew it was coming, you both did. New reports, articles, it was trending on all social media platforms. It was unavoidable, what could you do but waste away your last few days, watching old shows you watched as a kid, harsh knocks and cries from your doors from friends and family. You couldnt face them, you just wanted to drown out the thought of what was coming the next few hours of the day.

You had woken up and sluggishly dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed to your dirty kitchen, littered with dirty dishes and some uneaten food that youd try to make, but didn't have the stomach to eat. Your phone rang atleast every hour or two, many unanswered calls and long voicemails you couldnt bother to listen to.

There was a knock on your door, and you sighed, not wanting to bother with facing the person at the door. You turned on your heels, about to head to your room when you heard the voice call out to you.

"y/n."

Out of all the people why did it have to be him. You bit your lip and let out shaky breaths. You took another step, freezing at another set of knocks. The last persom you wanted to see was your boyfriend.

"y/n let me in or ill tear this door down." His voice was stern, laced with seriousness and slight concern. You wanted to open it, let him in and crumble into his arms, but it hurt so bad.

"Go away." You spoke, loud enough to be heard through the door, but not loud enough to be a yell.

"y/n."

You hesitantly walked to the door, unlocking the bottom lock, the top lock remaining unlocked, too bothersome for you to have delt with anyways. At the sound of the click of the locks he opened the door with quick motions, while also being careful not to knock you over.

At the sight of his big frame you felt like the world had just stabbed you through the chest 28 times. You backed up with quick steps are your boyfriend reached out to hug you, scared that his touch would break down your facade. You tripped over your own feet, landing hard on your butt.

"Ush.. Ushijima," you started, not knowing exactly what you were trying to say, "Please dont touch me."

His heart sank when he saw you, lifeless and so frail. He guessed you havent been getting much sleep- or maybe too much sleep, and not eating as he took a quick glance towards the food littered kitchen counter.

It wasnt any better for you, seeing your normally cold and calm boyfriend with a worried expression and eye bags that made it obvious he hasnt got much sleep either.

You pull yourself up, your eyes boring through your boyfriends abdomen as you bit your lip, trying to think of what to say, and to also keep yourself from falling apart. "What do you want?"

"y/n. Dont be cold to me." It wasnt a question, but it wasnt a demand. "Sorry," you mumbled, leaving you two in silence for a while.

"Ushi, you should go home," you said, feeling your heart race, every second you spent in his presence, under his gaze, killed you. "You should call Tendou or something."

"Toshi." He said, making your head shoot up, looking him in his eyes, seeing a tear roll down his cheek, his face remaining mostly emotionless, fear slightly present in his eyes. "Please keep calling me Toshi."

You felt a pang in your heart, suddenly the reality of things hitting you. You were the only one going through this, you knew this but never gave it more than a mere thought. He was scared, he didnt know what he was doing, he just knew to find comfort in you, like youve told him to for many years into your relationship.

"Toshi," you breathed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, "Toshi lets go somewhere."

You never felt the need to go outside, wanting to be isolated, but being here with your boyfriend, you felt like running away, wanting to escape from the dark pit of your home. "Lets go to the beach"

"y/n–"

"Lets go. Lets go, right.. right now Toshi," you felt as if though youve felt shoked by lightning, like you suddenly got hit with some sugar rush.

"We dont have time–"

"We do Toshi, we do, we do," you saw the corner of his lips raise up into a small smile. He hated seeing you like this but he was glad you were more alive than you were minutes before. You knew this, what he was thinking, and you knew his smile had so much sadness behind it, "we have time, lets go, lets go!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out of your apartment, not bothering to change from your days out clothing or close the door behind you. It wouldnt matter in another hour anyways.

The ride there was mostly silent, songs playing quietly on the radio. You watched as you passed through the town, the streets were slightly empty, stores looked run down, some stores even tore up and empty.

"Has it been like this since.. since the announcement?" You mumbled, earning a hum for Ushijima.

"Yeah, yeah it has." He knew that you didnt go out, and he was slightly grateful for it. The world went to shit after the announcement, many lootings, murders and other various crimes being commited.

"Im glad your safe Toshi," you spoke into your palm.

"Im glad your safe too."

The ride went on in silence until you got to the beach. You both climbed out of the car, the beautiful blue sea sparkling under the sunny sky. It was funny how such a depressing day could look so so beautiful.

"Hmm, this is the beach we went to with the team our senior year, remember?" He asked and turned to face you. The fear in his eyes was much more evident in the light, along with signs of personal neglict. He hasnt been taking good care of himself either.

You walk around the front of the car to grab his hand, your small hands tracing light circles on his rough palms before linking your hands together, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I remember."

He let out a shaky breath he didnt know he was holding in, and you two found a nice spot on the beach to sit and watch the sky. "Toshi, do you remember the time goshiki got gummy bears stuck in his nose?"

He looked at you, and his face softened, "yeah. Yeah i do." He let out a small chuckle at the thought of his old teammates. "Do you remember when Tendou took my water bottle and filled it with really sour lemonade?" He asked, you could hear his voice unravel into a more comfortable tone, instead of one holding in so much hurt and fear.

"Ha, i actually helped him with that you know?" You spoke up, a small grin on your lips as your boyfriend grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him. "We'll its okay, because it was 2 years ago."

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you had become shiratorizawas manager, 2 years since you made the number 1 ace fall head over heels for you, 2 years since you had went on your first date with him.

"2 years, its been so long." You laid your head on Ushijimas arm, feeling tired. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss atop your head.

"Thats when we first started dating," you spoke, shoulders shaking with a small laugh, "i would've never imagined to have the nations number 1 ace fall so madly in love with me." You laughed and turned to your boyfriend to continue your teasing, but stopped when you saw him looking back at you.

He couldn't respond with anything more than a mere chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. You bit your lip, scooting closer to him so you were in his lap, wrapping your arms around his large stature.

"Toshi, I love you." It was no more than a whisper and he placed a warm, loving kiss to your temple, rubbing your back softly as he let out a shaky laugh.

"y/n god, you make it so hard not to cry." He whispered in an unstable tone, resting his head atop yours. "I love you too."

This was how it was, clinging to the other and sharing old tales of your days spent with Ushijima and the boys, tales of times tendou had snuck out of the dorms and got caught by washijou, or when goshiki cut his bangs too short, or how Ushijima brought your parents a half eaten watermelon as a gift.

Those last moments spent with laughs and tears, kisses and hugs, warmth and comfort, those were your best memories. Despite the fate to cross you, Ushijima and everyone else in the world, you felt like you could smile for the first time.

You would smile alot, but it felt different this time. You convinced yourself that it was just because you had been withering away for the past days, but you knew it was because you felt free.

You had no worries in the moment with your lover, you didnt need to think about getting up for work the next day, or how you would afford next months rent. You felt like the largest weight had been lifted off of you, and you could really smile for the first time.

There was a slightly rumble if the ground that had made you and Ushijima go silent. You pulled away from your spot in the crook of his neck to look at him, fear still in his eyes.

"I dont wanna die," he chuckled out, "but im not sad." He drew small shapes into your hips with his thumbs, looking onto your laps instead of your face, and you just stared at him.

His usually stoic face was calmed, relaxed, his jaw unclenched and his eyes soft. You hadnt seen so many emotions from your boyfriend so much, it was almost scary. But he looked so gorgeous, he was your world.

"Wakatoshi Ushijima, you know," your placed your hands on both sides of his face, "it doesnt matter what happens to this world, because," you placed a passionate kiss to his lips, the tears finally falling from your eyes, "you, you're my world Toshi."

He let out a noise that was similar to a choke, tears rolling down the apple of his cheeks as he placed his forehead to yours, letting his shoulders shake with hard sobs. Loud crashes, screams and car alarms had let you know it was coming, the end of the world.

The last thing you saw was Ushijima, smiling snd crying, mouthing out one last 'I love you'.

Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

#writings 📃#ushijima.💭#ushijima x reader #ushijima x y/n #ushijima angst #ushijima imagine #ushijima fanfic #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi fanfic #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu imagine #hq x reader #hq x you #hq angst #hq fanfic #hq imagines

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iunatiqe · 4 years ago

Text

MY BEST FRIEND — s. stilinksi

“ youre my best friend and i love you “

pairing: stiles stilinski x gn! reader

!!! warnings: death threat, panic attack

word count: 2,311

I CROSSED my arms over my chest securely as i walked, i was wearing one of stiles’s old sweatshirts that i had taken from him during a past sleepover during one of the chillier months. sleepovers used to be an often thing that the two of us did, having been best friends for so long, but they suddenly seemed to fade out of our schedule as lydia martin, a girl who had captured my best friends heart in the third grade, started actually acknowledging his presence. to be fair, lydia has no choice as stiles was one of the few people who knew about the supernatural world, a world that she was now part of while stiles and i remained the two humans in our friend group.

i didn’t have much against lydia, most of her faults of being rude and pushy were just a facade in which she wore to escape the torment of other high school students. i wish it wasn’t fake, upon getting to truly know her - i found that she was smart, caring, and a generally good person for the most part, it made her a lot harder to hate. i had hated her since the third grade, because while stiles fell in love with her. i fell in love with him.

it was a stupid cliche to fall in love with my best friend while he was infatuated with the pretty, popular girl. i felt like i was stuck in some dumb movie, but this wouldn’t end with him realising that i was always right for him, by the way things were looking now: it was much more plausible for him to end up with lydia rather me. i try to shake these remaining thought from my mind as i approach the stilinksi household, simply walking in like i was used to, making my way to stiles’s room.

just before i could make it, i slowed to a stop as i heard a female voice come from his room. i silenced myself as i listened in on the conversation.

“what do the different colored strings mean?” i could faintly hear, this was a definite moment where i wished i was a werewolf swimply to make the voices clearer, but even so- i could tell that it was lydia speaking, knowing that she was most likely talking about the strings that were skewed across the boys room in order to make his crime board. i would know, i helped hang some of it up.

“uh, just different stages of the investigation.” i heard stiles’s quick explanation, going on to tell the girl what all the colors meant and i could hear the pretty strawberry blonde girl in his room make a note of how the whole board was unsolved. i scoffed under my breath, stepping a bit closer as they changed the subject. nothing was wrong with their discussion, but it felt too late to just barge in, plus i knew that if i did then stiles would give me a look that meant he was upset with me for ruining his moment with dream girl.

“did you get detention for pulling the alarm?” the girl asked.

“yep, everyday this week...it’s okay though, we were onto something.”

“even though we couldnt find any proof of barrow being there?”

i was now glad again that i hadn’t barged in, since the tone of their talk took a quick change once stiles heard the worry in her voice, it became harder to hear as i imagined he calmed her in a low voice. a voice i was used to hearing myself when i needed comforting.

“you have been right every time something like this has happened, okay? so, dont start doubting yourself now.”

“no scent. no bomb..” she stayed silent for a moment, “and i got you in trouble.”

their voices got too low for me to hear again and i cursed silently, trying to imagine what he could be saying to her that would make her all gushy towards him out of nowhere. while also wishing that it was sitting on his bed as he whispered comforting words to me, just sitting with him and talking. suddenly, even their hushed whispers ceased before i heard quick footsteps coming my way.

i tried to act casual as they stopped in front of me.

“when did you get here?” stlies asked immediately, i gulped.

“uh. i just walked in, why? did i miss something? where are we going?” i tried to deflect, and stiles was quick to believe me, offering me a small smile. though reassuring, it didn’t stop lydia from squinting her eyes at me, letting me know that she didn’t quite fall for my lie. i was lucky enough that she didn’t mention it aloud though.

“to the school, did you walk?” stiles continued our conversation, i nodded along as the three of us made our way to his jeep, with me crawling into the back so lydia could ride shotgun as stiles continued to fill me in on what we were doing and me acting like i knew we weren’t double checking the school for proof that barrow was there.

----------

soon enough, we arrived at the school and stiles was leading the way to the chemistry room as their biggest suspicion was the chemical closet.

lydia slowed and grabbed ahold of my sleeve to slow me down so we could talk discreetly.

“listen, i don’t know how stiles can’t tell your lying, but i know that you were eavesdropping on our conversation. are you hiding something?” she accused making me shake my head.

“no, i just,” i sighed, “i didn’t want to disturb you guys, trust me, i would let you guys know if i had information to give.”

lydia didn’t seem quite convinced as she watched me for a moment longer and i stared up ahead at the back of stiles’s head, not missing the small gasp that lydia let out.

“you like stiles.” she stated proudly with a smile, my head turned quickly to look at her with eyes that pleaded with her to quiet down in case he could hear.

“i do not, he’s my best friend.” i stated, “plus, you should know that he’s been hung up on you forever.” i brought, not feeling guilty for telling her since stiles was quite obvious with it anyways. i tried to quell my jealousy as i spoke so she couldn't pick it up, but all i heard was her scoff.

“sure, best friend. as for stiles, i think that he likes you too.” i rolled my eyes and held back a laugh at her words.

“yeah, right. i have as much of a chance with him that i do coach.” i joked.

“whatever you say,” lydia sighed out as we approached our destination and began to pick up our pace to be even with stiles, “but best friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.” she whispered with a wink before catching up with the boy in question. i frowned lightly as i followed pursuit, if this was supposed to be some joke - it wasn’t funny at all…

i caught up with the pair as the three of us entered the chemistry classroom, “what are we even looking for?” i questioned, but was left unanswered as stiles made his way to the chemical closet and simply opened it. i felt the air around us get heavier.

“that’s supposed to be locked.” lydia mentioned, stiles let out a sigh.

“yeah, i know. notice anything else?”

“it smells like chemicals…” lydia concluded, “they wouldn’t have been able to catch his scent.”

i coughed awkwardly, “um, guys.” i brought their attention to me only to direct them to the pile of staples and blood next to stiles’ feet. “oh god, he probably stitched himself up.” i gagged.

“so, he was here.” stiles sighed out, “and he was probably planning on killing someone.” he stood from his crouched position as we all made our way back into the main classroom.

“but who?” lydia questioned, finding her way to the board as stiles glanced around the classroom for any other clues. i found myself standing next to lydia as she stared at the numbers on the blackboard.

“what? does it mean something?” i asked her.

“its a formula.” she mumbled, “i bet it’s a clue.” she said before stepping closer. stiles came to stand next to me while lydia went on to explain how the numbers on the board were elements. she explained each letter until it came to an end and she had solved the puzzle. she stepped back to allow us to see what was on the board and i was sure that all of our werewolf friends could hear how fast my heart was beating from wherever they were as the clue was a name. my name.

i could feel stiles tense up beside me, but everything else felt too still and quiet, but too fast to understand at the same time. i could feel my knees buckle underneath me, but strong hands wrapped around me, allowing me to fall softly to the ground with him.

“hey, hey. it’s alright.” cames stiles’s soothing voice in my ear as he tried to calm me down, telling me that he wouldn't let anything happen to me. this wasn’t what i had meant when i mentioned i wanted to hear his soft voice calm me down - i was expecting more of a bad grade panic, not a death threat. this was new, i wasn’t supernatural, i wasn’t usually the one that stood in the eye of danger. so what did barrow want with me?

i couldn’t feel any air enter my lungs and i began to heave, i could hear lydia and stiles arguing about what to do but i couldn't make out any of the words they were saying as i clutched onto stiles’s shirt. i figured that the two of them had come to an agreement on how to calm me as their buzzing voices stopped, stiles looked down at me and i expected him to try and break through my fuzzy hearing to help my breathing, what i didn’t expect was for him to stoop his head down and kiss me.

albeit a bit shocked, i felt my body relax as i sunk into the kiss with him, but it was quickly ending as he pulled away and we stared into each others eyes.

lydia cleared her throat awkwardly to remind us that she was still there, i barely let my eyes flicker from the eyes of my best friend as i turned my attention to her.

“holding your breath can help stop a panic attack,” she explained, “i figured that if stiles kissed you then you would hold your breath.”

i could feel stiles shift from next to me, “we- uh- should probably get going.” he switched the topic as he helped me back onto my feet. he gave me a look to question if i was still okay and i nodded, but he stayed next to me as we followed behind lydia now to the exit.

“i’m sorry about kissing you.” he whispered, not glancing my way as he exited the classroom, i could sense he was nervous and i wondered why. i guess it was just uncomfortable to have to kiss your best friend while they were having a panic attack, but i figured that we were close enough that he could just dismiss it. maybe it was because it was all in front of lydia, the love of his life.

“it’s okay, i mean- it helped.” i brushed off the event, taking a short look at him. “and don’t worry, i bet it made lydia jealous enough to realize she’s madly in love with you.” i said dramatically to tease him, but his reaction was not what i predicted as he frowned lightly.

“well,” stiles glanced ahead to lydia, “what if,” he continued as he noticed she was far enough away to not hear any more of our conversation and he finally looked at me, “what if i don’t really want to be with lydia?” he said softly, i saw his eyes flicker across my face as he tried to gather a reaction.

“what do you mean?” i let out a nervous, breathy laugh, “you not like lydia? that might be the biggest plot twist our lives have taken yet.” i joked again, stiles looked down at his feet dejectedly with a shake of his head.

“i don’t think i ever really liked lydia.” he confessed, “i mean, i did for a while, but i don’t think that she was ever really the one that i wanted to be with.” he said, “and before you try to deflect this by joking about how im in love with scott then im just going to tell you- its you.”

“me?”

“you can just forget about it,” he changed, switching back to his quirky demeanor to reject anything else that i might say, he shot me a sad smile, “i just thought you should know. don’t let this ruin anything between us, okay? that’s exactly why i didn’t tell you.” he finalized before moving forward to catch up with our strawberry blonde friend, but i gripped the back of his shirt to pull him back and kissed him again. i can’t believe this idiot didn’t think that i was in love with him.

after pulling away, i smiled up at him and finally met cheerful eyes. despite everything, we had one another and that’s all i needed to feel safe. we didn’t have to speak to understand each other as we both turned to meet up with lydia to fill in our friends with what we had found. i knew that everything would be okay with my best friend.

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