#but I dont think I'll able (so so busy) to which is sad.

[bbq-potato-chip]

i can't think about drawing right now I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!!

[mcl38]

they haven't quite turned on vcarb the way they did mclaren but from what i've read that seems to be bc daniel keeps saying "it's not the same problem as mclaren" when like idk dude if the only time you've finished a race ahead of yuki was bc you got put on softs at the end of the race it is smelling very shades of mexico '22 to me. just without the having to make up a time penalty bc u punted yuki off the track.

i can say yuki is already getting the lando treatment though. "hOW MANY RACES HAS HE WON AND YOU DARE SAY HES PERFORMING BETTER THAN AN 8 TIME GP WINNER?" (ya i'll go to the top floor of my apartment and shout it into the void through a megaphone too what are you going to do about it) only this time there's a heavy dose of racism added in. the amount of people i have seen calling yuki a "pokémon" derogatorily and refusing to admit the racist connotations there are wild. not to mention the ableist terms i've seen be used to refer to his height. it's all very gross and yet again daniel says nothing to even try to prevent it. it's wild how someone always has to get harassed by his fans regardless of if he fails or succeeds.

ok so like first of all yikes. i rly rate yuki but im v selective w my online (especially my tumblr)

experience so i rly almost never venture out of my mclaren-centred bubble, which means i never rly see what ppl say abt him. 'pokemon' is actually vile like thats so clearly racist bc its not even a pun of his name at all or any sort of reference to his personality?? AND the fact that its a cartoon w the infantilising implications of that... ku's essay on the infantilisation of east asian drivers u will always be famous.... like u guys ever noticed how nyck is also rly short and has a youthful face and nobody ever talked abt him in the way they talk abt yuki? much to think abt

now. permission to be mean here but even if its 'not the same problem as mclaren' is the problem not STILL the fact that daniel in his 10+ year career hasnt bothered to understand the way the engineering of f1 cars works in like any material way and thats the reason he always struggles to identify his driving issues / has a disconnect with his chassis unless its tailored exactly to what he already likes and knows how to drive? i saw that bit from newey's book about how max and checo give rly good feedback and so did webber and vettel and it was kind of subtly implying that during the bit in between (the daniel era) he designed less effective cars be he wasnt getting enough precise feedback.... i genuinely havent been able to sleep at night since. like it felt like smth slotted in my head like aaaah this has been the problem all along. if only daniel wasnt so busy going on podcasts making fun of the idea of women in motorsport and actually spent some time to do some way overdue physics homework... lol. Imao even

the truth of the situation is yuki is in the best form of his career and also wiping the floor w daniel. like factually so. EVEN with team orders favouring daniel so his fans cant say its bc of that like they did with mclaren. i genuinely think its quite sad the amount of personal stock daniel fans have clearly invested in this mans career and how much it bothers them when he doesnt perform to their expectations - like he's ur driver, swallow it and accept it, because thats what he's been doing to try to move on. doing all this intense online hate bullshit only makes him look bad bc it highlights how badly and for how long he rly has been embarrassingly underperforming. but by this point it feels like they WANT him to underperform bc they crave that martyr underdog victimised figure to root for and fight for - which is why ur totally right anon, that someone always inevitably gets harrassed regardless of if daniel is failing or succeeding. 

i will say one thing which is that i rly dont think daniel is at all aware of whatever the fuck his fans do on twitter and instagram (and deffo not tumblr lmao). so i dont think this is an issue of like him telling his fans to chill out - and it doesnt work anyways, bc lando literally has made talking abt how much cyberbullying sucks a part of his personality and theres still some rly mean and hateful lando fans (not in a fun way like me<3 lol) (i hate on my own blog and in discord groupchats). so like thats not necessarily on him, its more on netflix for making him the lowest common denominator guy to like, ykwim? also the unfortunate reality is that despite the tshirts and the kneeling (or no kneeling) no one rly seems to stand up to defend the drivers of colour who literally constantly get SUCH vitriol thrown towards them w any occasion. im not expecting daniel of all ppl to say anything abt it ngl

[notagenteklabtech]

"Death of a Lab Tech" or "Labbie's first day as a virus could have gone better"

OOC: I wanted to try writing out what the attack on the lab looked like from not-yet-Labbie's perspective. It turned out... confusing. Also tumblr ate the formatting, so I'll try to fix that... Anyway! IC gore and whatnot below the cut!

August 31: Someone in the collection team complained about a bad smell, and now Blackw our escort is making us return to the lab early.

September 2: The older labtech who's been wearing his biohazard suit since last Sample Day is now refusing to take his mask off.

September 4: Cross and Alex are fighting a Hydra nearby. I think can hear it screaming through the walls.

September 4: I can hear inside you. Are you warm inside? You sound warm.

September 4: I saw you.

The lab tech reads the messages they've exchanged with others.

They don't remember sending all of them.

Some are not directed at anyone. There are no responses to them. No notes from others reacting to them. Just red text.

Behind them, one of the other lab techs groans. Someone coughs wetly. Breath hisses through air filter masks.

Their own mask is uncomfortably hot, and their skin itches where it digs into their face.

Their whole body feels like it's on fire. Feverish. Melting in their sealed, blue rubber biohazard jumpsuit.

They're infected. All of them are.

They knew dying like this was a possiblity (an inevitably), but…

No. No no no nonononono

They aren't infected. They can't be. They were careful. They wore gloves, even when others ignored Dr. Mercer's orders.

It wasn't enough exposure. I was wearing gloves

Their gloves are sticky.

…They're tired. Denial won't change what is happening.

They ignore how they shouldn't be able to type on their phone with gloves on.

What a pathetic last message from a dying nobody.

Sept 5: …My ID number is 84-112-T.

I gratuated from the University of Toronto, Canada. I have published two papers on the potential uses of retroviral therapy.

I moved to the US and worked for Gentek for six years, three of which were under Dr. Alexander Mercer as a lab tech on Project Blacklight.

I am infected, and probably dying.

…I can't remember anything else about myself. How sad is that?

They try. For the awful man they used to respect. For the people they don't remember or care about. For science, that killed them.

The screen of their phone lights up - a response from Dr. Mercer - the light shining through the blood smeared across glowing it pink-orange:

"Labbie, do this for me if you do nothing else for anyone for the rest of your short life. Can you keep posting every thought, feeling, craving, impulse, and body sensation that you have, in as meticulous of detail as you possibly can, for as long as you retain consciousness? For science. For me. For you loved ones. For humanity. Etc.

Another flash of light - a message from Cross - pink-red-orange. They can't tell what it says.

Another flash. A message from Alex - pink-red-red-red- incomprehensible.

Another message from Dr. Mercer, something that cuts through the fog of their overheating brain: "Permission obtained."

Something behind them shuffles forward, rubber feet dragging. Something else growls.

Their fingers type without thought.

The lab is under Fort Washington. There is a Blackwatch encampment in Bennet Park, disguising the entrance.

They - plural they, not quite singular - can hear the soldiers outside the lab becoming restless.

The backs of their eyes itch. They can feel the virus eating through their brain.

Dr. Alexander Mercer is invited to the party.

I'm not dead yet. I'm not. I'm not I'm not I'm not-

A message from Alex: "when you hear screaming and gunshots that means im here dont bite me or i will bite you back"

We will not bite you. See you soon. :)

The others are getting restless. Angry. Hungry.

They understand, but…

But Alex is nice. Cross is good. Dr. Mercer is -

A reply from Dr. Mercer: "Dr. Alexander Mercer is busy and has plans."

Their fingers type without their input: The party will come to Dr. Mercer. :)

They feel it when Alex and Cross arrive. An overwhelming feeling of family.

Cross? Cross Cross Cross Cross! Brother? Uncle? hi. see you soon.

There is a Hunter outside the lab. It is not one of them. It is an outsider.Redlight. An enemy. They release the Bloodtox to weaken it.

They are immune to Bloodtox. Their skin is rubber, impermeable, filtered, contained.

Alex is not immune to Bloodtox.

They - singular they - are horrified.

Sorry for not warning you. forgot. our suits do not let the bloodtox in.

A message from Dr. Mercer: "This is so lame. In my universe, the virus just kills you. Y'know, like it's supposed to."

They-we-us-I- The lab tech does not understand why they are not dead, either. Their memories are foggy. Confused.

It doesn't feel friendly now. The others - lab techs, scientists, researchers, fellow victims, infected monsters - are going to attack their family.

We handled the virus with bare hands, sometimes.

…no. Not we. Dr. Dr. Something. She handled the virus when you were in meetings. It responded well to touch. It didn't try to eat us-me. It was friendly. Curious.

They can feel it like another voice in their own head. "Kill them. Kill the runt, the bastard, the child."

There is a shift, a knotted string in their chest going slack, and suddenly the lab tech is armed. Thin, silvery swords take the place of their forearms, melting into the blue of their elbows in a writhing mess of red and black biomass.

They aren't just infected; they are infected with Blacklight.

Are the Blackwatch dead? I can't hear them. No. No, it's too loud in here. I. We.

One of the Redlight infected researchers runs at them, and the lab tech cuts them open from hip to shoulder. It falls dead at their rubber booted feet, guts unspooling on the floor. They knew this thing, this no-longer-human mess of blood and gore, once.

They no longer remember them. They no longer remember themself.

Something inside them says "Consume."

Another scientist runs at them, fingers curled like claws, screaming. The lab tech bisects them - sword arms stabbed into their belly and ripped outwards in a spray of red - and then turns to the other two dozen pairs of eyes staring blankly at them.

The virus lab tech is so hungry.

The hateful voice screams orders in the back of their head. The infected - the Walkers - scream in response.

The lab tech rushes the group before they can be mobbed. They have two swords for arms, they have thicker skin, they want to survive long enough to meet their family.

Consuming the resulting corpses is… different. Unpleasant, despite how right it feels. But with every body pulled by hungry tendrils into their body, their mind clears a little more.

There are zero Walkers in Materials storage. They were too loud.

The rest is a blur. There are still things to be done - no time to meet their new-familiar family.

They ignore how easy it is to type with their tendrils, how their arms are stuck as swords, how they can taste the blood of their former co-workers through their boots, how Alex screams until he's been through the decontamination showers and cleaned of Bloodtox, how Cross watches them susiciously despite the cautious tendril of maybe family? that reaches out through the hivemind to them, how Dr. Mercer is blowing up their phone with his bitching.

It's enough, for now, that the lab tech is leaving the lab they expected to be their grave.

[stoner-matsu]

gonna post my woes bc i cant take it anymore :)

i seriously dont know what to do i went from working full-time to working one day a week.

it started around when my boss moved houses (his whole business is run out of his house) the move was abrupt and at first i didnt think much of it. i understand the stress involved with moving but he started repeatedly talking down to me. he also wouldn't give me a chance to talk about whatever miscommunication problem that was going on.

im currently making efforts to be more on top of things at work. but theres only so much you can do when all the dogs are relaxing and all the humans are just... sitting around.

since im usually alone with my boss i try to make small talk, but he either ignores me or.... nope thats it actually :) he usually doesn't respond when im trying to talk to him, he gives he a rude one word answer, or he shrugs at me.

one time i came into work and he blamed me for "chores not being done" around the place so i asked which ones specifically have i been "slacking on"... he says im on my phone all the time and that i dont sweep or clean out the waste bins.

phone: id argue that i only use it when theres down time (and theres a LOT of down time) but okay i'll work on that if you want me to, fine. but the other two? a couple hours go by after we feed the dogs i say

"well, this is the perfect opportunity for me to do chores. what needs to be done around here?"

"i just need to you sweep and take out the waste"

"and when do you need those done by?"

"by the time you leave"

by the time i leave... in 4 hours :I so i ask

"... is there anything else that needs to be done? right now?"

and the answer was no of course! i was allowed to sit in awkward silence while my boss got to flee inside. the dogs were able to feel the tension because all of them laid around quietly.

my boss and manager both ignored me when i came into work today. i tried asking about the small changes i noticed coming in like extra water storage and a missing couch cusion, but my boss immediately got annoyed with me. all i could say was "sorry i was just asking..."

im so disappointment, i just dont know what went wrong! we all used to be friendly with each other, i hate getting close to people. i always drift apart from people i enjoy being around because eventually they'll get sick of me. just like every job ive ever had. and????? i understand that you dont need to be friends with everyone you work with. i used to go into work with my head down, and just focus on work. people have a way of out casting me when im not even doing anything.

pity pity pity sad sad sad cringe cringe cringe

[scourgefrontiers]

ramble post

i really do struggle with the intense desire to make comics and tell stories but the severe lack of energy and motivation to make them :( thats why mirrors as a comic got cut short and why facets didnt even get a comic release

when i was little i wanted to make my own manga. i wonder if it would be cool still to go for that now..?

my art style has changed a lot since i was little (it used to be full anime) and while i can still draw in a similar style idk if it would feel genuine to use it for a comic series. then again why wouldnt it be genuine, if im enjoying it? hmm

idk. im just watching a bunch of manga/comic videos on youtube and getting inspired but im afraid itll fade as usual. sad

i just love telling stories with characters !!! ;-; and i love drawing...i really love making comics and seeing the comics come to life and seeing people's reactions to the pages. i think part of why im hesitant besides the lack of energy is the idea that i would probably be making something to print and sell, which isnt the GOAL mind you, itd just be something id be able to do to help support myself. but i dont want that idea to become the main reason i make a comic. i want to do it for the love of telling a story

another thing when i was little that i wanted to do was be a comic artist but that was like..a smaller desire i think. i think i just wanted to be an artist in general. honestly im not sure where im at rn, i think i still just want to be a general artist who does commissions for a living? but if i could make a living with my comics hmmmmm id enjoy not having to take commissions lol. but man thats asking a lot in this business..i know comic artists dont rly make a lot and its rly hard to get published and stuff. so. idk what i'll do

[cinhomi]

rora thank you for that expansion upon bang chan. it was very much needed and a RED ROBE TOO roraaaa stawp. doNT DO THIS TO MEEE AHHHH

I definitely have been having fun today! not so today but for the last few days yes <3 I've been wanting to catch up on some fics recently but haven't been able to because I've been busy - fun busy but not enough time to read! definitely need to get back on track for that I'm looking forward to the hyune fic I've been meaning to read it for so long 👀 hopefully I'll be less busy once new years eve passes 💀

I've been so distracted lately too...it's nearly the end of the year which means nostalgia is clawing its way up my throat again and I've been both happy and sad at the same time, haha. sorry for the random deviation of topic from skz 🥲 but sending you asks always feels like I'm writing to a pen friend and you always respond with such care! talking to you alwaus makes me feel warm and happy 💓 i love hearing about what you have to say so. thank you for everything 🥰 you're so so appreciated my friend <3

all my love (and for some reason suddenly sentimental),

- titracha nonnie

sooo glad to hear you're having a good time, sweetie 🫶 you mean my Hyunie fic? ah, if that's it, let me know your opinion on it when you read it ^-^

you can always talk about anything with me, no need to be always skz related! nostalgia is hitting me hard too, mhmh, I agree. it really warms my heart to know you think this of me 🩷 it's only natural that I put care in my replies, after all, there's another person at the other end of the line that puts care in sending asks and that makes me feel appreciated. I already said that but my goal in life is to make others happy, so if I'm doing that with you, I'm already one step ahead!

thank YOU for always being here. I cherish your presence in my little heart >_<

I know I don't post much but this truly is my tiny corner of happiness...

[diah-the-demon]

yeah this really feels like we're somewhere on stage talking into a microphone as people pass by and can listen, but yeah agreed, it feels weird when it's not tumblr skljdlsk

ooh I hope you can go there then!! I've had one in my area for a few years that was star wars, star trek and doctor who focused and it was so much fun,, unfortunately with covid coming around it has ended </3 missing it greatly

and oh no D: yeah unfortunately the kids toys break so easily which surprises me ngl,,, you'd expect kids toys to be a bit more sturdy given that kids will play around with it wildly and ksljdslk omg that sounds adorable ngl!! I think I know which masks you mean, I still see kids wearing them every now and then around halloween or carnival

yeah,,, I've gottten a tiny bit better by now (and by that I mean: I will get it but feel bad about it instead of not getting it and feeling sad about that klsjdlsk) I hope you'll eventually get better with it as well! it's so sad how much stuff like this can linger on your brain TT-TT

yeah I think it said 7 more days, so I hope I'll have enough time bcs her shedule changed and now she's at work so I can't ask her TT-TT hopefully it'll last til the weekend when we could order it (if she says yes skldjslk I doubt she wouldn't but still skjdlsk)

okay, yeah, your bookshelf is definitely already cool! But yeah the helmets are going to make it even better, no matter where exactly they will be placed klsdjl

yeah you coudl probably figure it out on your own once you get the basics, even if it is for another set of armor at first! With the basic understanding that should definitely be doable!!

and hmm, I've not build armor yet myself (will have to do so eventually tho,,, I wanna cosplay one of HI3 Himekos battlesuits after all ksjdsl) but it does already sound like a solid idea!! but yeah until you know if it works or not you have an idea at least so that's a good start!

yeah im still not used to it but i think its quite nice to have smth like a constant conversation like this thats lasted almost a full day now jdsljkds, i think its a nice change of pace jdsklkjds

hopefully i can get there when its being held! im not sure when it happens each year but il look that up later and see if i can find dates (hopefully im not gonna be busy when it happens dsjlkkdsj) and awww that sucks, i hope they come back eventually it would suck if it died off forever </3

yeah idk why they were so fragile, they weren't big so i think they were probably childrens sized ones that we had, it doesnt make much sense to expect kids to not hit 2 lightsabers together in a duel like come on

IT WAS! i dont think i have any pictures of it sadly </3 i wouldnt have even had a phone yet probably i think so pictures would probably be on my mums phone

the mask was so cool, it even had a voice changer in it! it was fucking awesome, when you breathed it would replace it with the darth vader breathing sound AND it would even make you sound like vader when you spoke!! idk how something from when i was a kid was able to do something like that but it was awesome. sadly the voice changer in it died a while ago, it still slightly worked but not consistently last time i put it on D:

yeah hopefully we both fully get over it eventually, i probably start to until either her or i move out, but yeah its so weird how it stick in your head so long, i need to refresh my brain so i can get it out lkdsjdjsl

dont want to make you feel like you need to do it sooner but it said 7 days yesterday and also today.. i didnt check how long it was when i bought my stuff (i bought the stuff on the 5th) but it might've been 7 days still.. altho i guess by the weekend it would still be 7 days after that.. hopefully it is still on by the time you talk to her!! (just checked and it might be going on until they completely sell out?? its a clearance sale so maybe? idk id probably do it sooner rather than later just incase tho)

Oh btw when you do place your order they will email you to verify the card (send a picture of the last 4 digits to confirm. It is a little bit sus but ive seen no one say this one is a scam so i dont think it is, plus they cant rlly do much with only the last 4 digits)

thank you!! it will def look so much cooler when i get the helmets in! still need to figure out where i can put the 2 extras apart from ontop of the bookshelf cause too many on there doesnt seem too good idk

yeah that sounds like the plan il do for this, try the basics, might try doing clone trooper armour to begin with if its not harder than mandalorian cause il have captain rex's helmet! imagine a female clone trooper tho that'd be so cool (totally not so i can check out her tits shush jdskls, i mean there was a female clone of jango but she isnt a trooper, and is a child since i dont think she had the accelerated growth the others did? idk not that caught up in that bit of lore)

i think its probably what they are going to say to do, i doubt they would stitch/pin it right to the bodysuit cause that would be a pain to take off (imagine having to go to the toilet after putting it on that would be so annoying to take off skdjdslkj) if it all goes well il share the progress so you can take some tips on building the armour for himeko jlsdkdjs!!

[tinysushimark]

My Everything (HRJ)

1.7k words. (Fluff)

Sometimes you wished you could run away from college and then run a café and live with your boyfriend.

You looked up at him, he was playing on his phone, why was he so relaxed? He has finals too next week. "Renjun! Don't you have to study?" You said.

"I'm done with my course." He said looking back down at his phone.

You sighed, he was always one step ahead of you, even when you were in school he used to teach you things because he was done. Now, even in college he was done before you. Even though you had different majors, you had the same college and fortunately, your classes took place in the same building.

A sigh escaped from your lips as you looked at the amount of chapters left. "What's wrong baby?" Renjun said, sitting next to you.

"I have 3 more chapters left, and exams are next week." You said. "Anything i can help with?" At this you snickered.

"Babe you're an arts major, how are you going to help me with Company Law?" You smiled and looked down.

"I am smart." He said.  "I never said you're dumb."

He stood behind your chair and started massaging your shoulders and neck. "Renjun what the-" He shushed you. "Get back to work." He kept massaging your shoulders.

"Renjun stop. That fucking hurts."

"You're stressed it's all pent up-"

"I told you to fucking stop it." You shouted at him, shooting a death glare.

"Why are you being so mean? I'm just trying to help." Renjun spat at you.

"You're clearly not helping, so how about you leave? You're just adding on to my stress with your completed course." You shouted at him.

He picked his bag up and slammed the door on his way out, making you flinch a little.

Asshole, that's the only word that came to your head once he left. His temper is very very short. Sometimes you wondered why you dated him and got annoyed at him. You had noticed how nowadays, the way he dealt with you had started changing.

He'd shout and slam doors. He never did that before but he was doing it nowadays. He is definitely bored of you and wants to break up with you, this is what you thought.

He on the other hand was very stressed, it wasn't about studies, it was about his family. After he left for college, he got to know about the fights which happened back at home. His mom and dad were fighting a lot more than when he was back at home. It had driven him off the edge that he wasn't there to stop his parents. He was an only child, so he'd end up persuading them to stop fighting, but he couldn't do it from here, in college. The only person who'd listen to him was getting annoyed at him too, you. He thought that he was the problem, probably everyone around him has problems because of him.

You weren't able to complete your course because Renjun decided to stay the nights in between semester and took you out so much. If he would've told you to study, you'd be revising by now. He forgot that you leave everything for him. He hadn't told you anything about what was happening back at home. He applied to the same college as you because he didn't want to lose you but he slowly understood that he was just a distraction for you.

Renjun didn't speak to you the entire week, and the week after that. You were done with your exams but still no contact or trace of Renjun.

You called him multiple times those weeks but he didn't pick up, knowing that he was probably busy revising, you left him alone. You needed the space.

After your exams were over you went to his shared flat, one of his flatmates saw you in an alleyway and smiled at you. "Mark, have you seen Renjun?"

"Renjun went to college, he must be back by now though." Mark said.

"Ok, thanks."

"If he isn't home, you can just wait on the couch, he'll be back soon I think." Mark said.

You nodded, bidding Mark a goodbye and walking to their apartment. Renjun had told you the password to the apartment, all his flatmates knew that he had a girlfriend and they didn't mind it. They were friendly and got along with you.

When you unlocked the door and got in you saw a girl in the kitchen, around the same age as you.

"Oh Mark you're back?" She said and turned around. "Hello." You said and she smiled at you. "Who are you by the way?" She asked you, the question took you aback.

"I'm Rejun's girlfriend." You said, her mouth formed a small Oh. "What's your Major and Year?"

"I'm a final year in BCom."

"I'm a first in year Mass Media. Oh by the way I'm Mark's girlfriend."  She said and passed a cup of coffee towards you. "Renjun isn't home, how about you wait here till he's back? He said he wanted to get some groceries." Mark's girlfriend said. She was younger than you and Mark. Mark was doing his post graduation and she was in her first year. You and Renjun were the same age.

When Renjun had moved in only Mark was living here, before another guy named, Jeno had moved in. You had found yourself a reasonable one flat apartment but slowly it's cost was rising which was a problem for you, but you kept living in it.

"We're looking for a flatmate." Mark's girlfriend said, trying to break the awkward silence. "Oh, where do you live?"

"The apartment above."

The both of you started talking about college and she told you details about the flat and the empty room. It seemed decent and you thought about it. "Can i see it?" It was a chance to be closer to Renjun, he wouldn't have to commute so much to see you.

Renjun came back home an hour after you had arrived, Mark and his girlfriend kept you entertained. They made you coffee and spoke to you.

When Renjun came home, you saw his red face, which was puffy.

He saw you and stood at the door frozen. Slowly tears started to fall from his eyes and your movements were quick. You ran to him and hugged him. He fell on his knees near the shoe shelves and you hugged him. He cried into your arms and you soothed his back.

"What's wrong Jun?" You asked softly. Instead you got a louder sob for a reply.

His grip around you tightened and he cried for a few minutes before pulling away and pushing your hair back from your face.

"My parents are getting divorced, and i thought i lost you because you lost interest in me-"

"Renjun I love you." You said hands caressing his cheek. "Why didn't you tell me about all this?"

"I didn't want to burden you, and I thought you'd get affected."

"Renjun, if it's bothering you and is a problem to you, it's my problem too." You said smiling at him.

"They've been fighting a lot lately, since i came here."  Renjun looked down at the floor. "I wasn't there to stop them."

"Renjun, its not your fault." You put your hand under his chin and made him look up at you. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."

"But I should've been there and because of me you weren't able to complete your course on time, its all my fault."

Your boyfriend who was almost a head taller than you, suddenly seemed like a small lost child who you wanted to coddle and sing to. He looked so troubled and sad that your heart hurt. It wasn't his fault, he blames himself for everything.

You remember the time when you were cutting vegetables and got a slight cut, he blamed himself for it, saying that he knew that you dont know how to use a knife so he should've been the one cutting the vegetables.

He was harsh on himself and as much as you believed you could change it, you couldn't but you wanted to.

"Renjun, its not your fault that i didn't study, it's my fault. That's on me."

"If I hadn't stayed the nights, you'd be done."

"Renjun you stayed over the weekends, i always had weekdays but i ended up wasting them, it's on me." You explained to him.

"What about my parents? That's totally on me. I shouldn't have left them knowing how hostile they are towards each other."

"If they were hostile towards each other did you ever consider that they were both stressed together. They didn't want to be together Renjun."

He finally looked at you, eyes dejected.

"I want to break up with you."

"Why?"

"I'm nothing but a distraction to you."

"You are my driving force. You're like a miracle to me. I wish you could see that."  You connected your foreheads. "You're the person i look forward to each day, knowing you'll provide me comfort and that you'll be there to listen to me."

"And i wish i could show you how much i feel for you, It can't be expressed in words." You whispered, planting a small kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on and  for keeping you in the dark." Renjun said.

You nodded. "You're not gonna hear the end of it, they annoyed me so much over the phone about who'll keep the pearls and me." Renjun said. "Honestly, your mom deserves the pearls." You said looking into his eyes.

A small giggle came from his chest. "Yeah she does."

That's when the door opened and Jeno entered. "Renjun, its dirty here-"

"Oh hi Y/N!"  Jeno smiled and waved at you. Mark slowly pulled Jeno, "You're ruining their moment dude." Mark muttered under his breath.

All of you laughed and ate ramen for dinner, enjoying each others company.

"Renjun, Mark's girlfriend told me there's a room upstairs that's empty. I was thinking i should move in there." You said when he brought you to his room.

"Actually, i was about to ask you if you wanna move in together, Mark wants his girlfriend to shift downstairs, we can have the entire apartment to ourselves." Renjun smiled. "Plus my house is closer to our college."

"Yes, I'll move in with you."

New beginnings awaited you two, all full of happiness and sunshine with a few rainy days, but no storm lasts forever, all of them pass, and bring along sunshine again.

Read More: Masterlist

[jaedreaminn]

Final Part

Characters: Taeyong, Ten, Mark, Jeno, Heachan.

Theme: Family bonding, humour, crack, fluff,angst, happy ending.

Parings: «mentioned» someone x Haechan, someone x Ten.

Words: 2.3k

~~~

"You're the first one here" Ten smiled at Jeno who had just walked into the bar.

"I've always been on time and you know that" Jeno smiled sliding into the booth, sitting next to Ten.

"God knows who you got that good habit from because no one in our family is on time unless it's absolutely necessary" Ten teased and Jeno's eyes disappeared into half moons. "And from what I remember you were always late to school."

"I wasn't late hyung I skipped school" Jeno deadpanned and Ten cringed, "Yea the Jeno delinquent phase was definitely.... interesting"

"Ahh I miss those times because atleast my friends-" "Can you even call those people friends?" Ten interrupted and Jeno glared at him, so he simply mouthed an apology and went back to sipping his water as Jeno continued to speak, "Atleast my friends then were scared of me so they never said anything. Now if I'm late I have to deal with an angry Renjun and his wrath is the scariest thing on this planet." Ten cringed silently at the mention of the smaller boy as he remembered experiencing Renjuns anger first hand and it wasn't pretty.

"Thank God for that though, otherwise I would be sitting here alone on my bachelor party"

"True that" Jeno said lifting his glass of water and clicking it with Tens glass.

"How boring, you guys are only drinking water" Donghyuck said as a form of greeting sliding into the booth, sitting on the other side of Ten.

"I'm waiting for everyone to arrive before ordering the food and drinks" Ten said rolling his eyes and then flicked Donghyucks arm, "And I wouldn't have to wait so long if you were on time"

"Ow!" Donghyuck whined rubbing his arm as Jeno chuckled.

"So how are things going for the two of you" Jeno asked eyes grinning mischievously as Donghyuck sighed and dreamy sigh, "Better, I think I want to make it official soon"

"About time!" came Taeyongs voice and all three of them looked up to see him walking towards the table.

"How did you even hear what Hyuck was saying from so far away" Jeno asked and Ten chuckled when Taeyongs face scrunched up in judgment as he took of his coat, "I raised you people, I just know"

"That doesn't make sense" Haechan frowned and Taeyong glared at him as he folded his coat and sat down.

"I've been raising you since I was thirteen I would be damned if you doubted my super hearing"

"Fine fine Whatever you say" Haechan lifted his hands up in surrender and Taeyong grinned scanning the table, "Where's Mark?"

"He isn't here yet" Ten said and Taeyong frowned.

"You're telling me these two have been here before Mark?" Taeyong asked pointing at the two youngest at the table earning protests from both.

"Yep" Ten said popping the 'p'.

"But dont worry he should be here soon" He added, reassuring Taeyong.

"Right, we're here to celebrate you getting married" Taeyong cheered changing the topic and Ten grinned like a fool in love.

"Yeah I can't believe the wedding is so close" He said smiling excitedly.

"About time you two have been engaged forever" Jeno scoffed but the smile on his face showed how happy he was for his brother.

"I know we're basically married" Ten chuckled as the others cheers'd to that.

"Ahhh sorry I'm late" Mark said rushing in sitting on the chair opposite Ten.

"What's with all the bags Markie?" Donghyuck asked curiously looking at the the five small paper bags in his hands.

"Well I remembered something from when all of us went camping and I thought now was a good time to do this" Mark said laughing nervously, "But I'm not sure if you guys would really like it now" he said handing everyone a bag.

Ten peeked inside and immediately smiled, "Oh wow I forgot that we wanted to do this" he said pulling out a cap with the words 'The Lee brothers' written in neat cursive.

"Oh yea we wanted matching caps for the five of us because we thought shirts were too tacky" Donghyuck chuckled holding onto his cap as of it was his greatest treasure, while smiling brightly.

"Wow we really love these Mark, can't believe we almost forgot about this" Taeyong chuckled looking at his cap with awe and then his eyes brightened "It even has my name on the back"

"Yea it does and I also almost forgot about this too" Mark smiled brightly as he saw his brothers looking at the caps with smiles on their faces.

"Our family isn't very normal is it?" Jeno smiled and the others nodded.

"To think we were this close to being eachothers worst enemies" Ten laughed and Taeyong frowned, still not able to joke about it.

"Yea that was crappy of me" Taeyong said looking down at his glass of water as he remebered how he treated Ten and Donghyuck.

"I can't believe you still beat yourself up over that hyung you were a kid! You were allowed to feel angry and be defensive and irrational" Donghyuck said grinning brightly and a small sad smile graced Taeyongs face because a smile from Hyuck was contagious, "And at the end of the day you came around and now we've got such a strong bond. And you did a lovely job as an older brother I mean look at how I turned out" Donghyuck smiled proudly.

"I thought we were making him feel better not worse. You turned out to be a pain in the ass" Jeno said with a playful smile on his face and Donghyuck pretended to be shot, looking at Jeno in betrayal as Jeno smirked proudly like an evil villan.

"We really need to seperate those two because Jeno has been catching on to Donghyucks dramatic attitude" Ten said watching the two youngest judgingly and Mark just drank (his water) to that.

"Please you're one to talk Ten" Taeyong scoffed rolling his eyes, "You're the one who taught that brat how to be dramatic"

"I object"

"Hyung that's not how it works" Mark sighed, smiling at Ten.

"Ahhh I agree with Taeyong, I am who I am because of Ten" Donghyuck chuckled and shifted away from Ten quickly as the other tried to hit him.

"Ya come here I'll show you dramatic" Ten yelled, trying to attack Haechan who was hiding behind Mark.

"You always hide behind Mark as if Mark would fight for you" Jeno rolled his eyes and Donghyuck stuck out his tongue.

"If I think any of you would attack Mark I wouldn't hide behind him cus he's a weak little baby but I know none of you guys would hurt a hair on Marks head so he's the safest to hide behind"

"He's not wrong" Taeyong shrugged.

"That and Donghyucks favourite is Mark" Ten complained and Donghyuck grinned nodding his head and Mark just sighed trying his best to order drinks for everyone with Donghyuck standing behind him and Ten ready to pounce in their direction at any moment.

"When did he even get so attached?" Jeno asked latching himself onto Tens arm. Ironic.

"Probably the first time Mark spoke during dinner without us having to ask him anything" Taeyong chuckled at the memory and everyone smiled.

"I was so amused that he was an actual person with feelings" Donghyuck perked up from behind Mark who glared at the boy and flicked him on the head.

"I'm not safe anywhere" Donghyuck whined running to Taeyong and dramatically falling onto his lap.

"I was just excited about a song I liked that day and I felt so concious the way all of you looked at me with big eyes" Mark said recalling the memory with a frown.

"Yea it was a quite dinner that day because Jeno and Hyuck were fighting at it got awkward to talk and suddenly out of the blue YOU, of all people spoke." Taeyong said smiling looking at the two youngest who just stuck their tongues out at eachother at the mention of their 'fight'

"Yeah I remember, they were fighting over something very stupid and they got so excited that Mark had spoken that they completely forgot about their fight" Ten chuckled whole heartedly joined by Taeyong and Mark.

"Now that I remember we left our fight half way I'm not talking to you anymore Jeno" Haechan said, puffing his chest and pouting.

"You're really high maintenance you know" Jeno said coking an eyebrow and Haechan just laughed at that statement, not denying it.

"Yeah you are. You once tried jumping out of the second floor window because someone told you you were to much of a coward to do so" Mark said with a frown, accusingly pointing his finger at their youngest. Jeno wasn't wrong, dealing with Donghyuck wasn't an easy task.

"Oh yea I remember Jeno couldn't stop Hyuck so he ran to Mark's classroom which was closest and then came all the way to the other building to get us" Taeyong said with a lopside smile.

"Ahhhh yess I remember you people scolding me so much and Jeno refused to speak to me the entire day at school and then cried when we got home" Donghyuck chuckled as Jeno blushed.

"I'm sorry I was scared that you were going to die!' Jeno yelled defensively and everyone laughed.

"Mark yelled at me so much and scared everyone in my class and then oh god when Taeyong and Ten walked in angry I almost shat my pants"

"Angry Taeyong is a scary Taeyong" Mark shuddered.

"Even your mother was scared of you angry and you were only thirteen back then" Ten smiled at Taeyong cheekily and the boy just sipped on his drink that arrived a while ago looking elsewhere.

"Well I was pissed that they kept dragging Hyuck into their petty arguments. God I hate that woman so much." Taeyong said, getting angry.

"I feel bad that I haven't invited them to the wedding because at the end of the day they took me in when my parents died but I just hate them so much" Ten frowned and Mark patted his brothers back.

"Dont worry we all hate them, they would have spoilt everyone's mood." Mark said and then scoffed, "Dad's finally given up on trying to persuade me to steal your business" Mark chuckled and Ten smiled at him.

"Yea now he's trying to persuade me." Jeno rolled his eyes and Ten chuckled.

"Like, as it is we have stability because of our shares now he's being greedy again? Didn't his greed ruin our lives enough" Mark said clutching onto his drink angrily.

"The only good thing that came out of his greed was Hyuck" Taeyong said hugging the youngest who just looked sullen.

"I wouldn't say good thing... their fights got worse because of me. I mean I don't blame Mrs. Lee for hating me" Haechan said eyes downcast.

"No don't make excuses for that woman" Jeno growled.

"But I'm the reason her marriage was compromised." Haechan frowned.

"She compromised her own marriage because she was an awful person no one wanted to spend the rest of their life with and she had no right to take it all out on you" Mark said angrily clutching onto his drink.

"No Mark you don't get it, it was only fair to hate me" Haechan said with a frown and Ten and Taeyong looked at eachother with worry, patting the yongers back.

"She had no right to hate you" Mark said getting angrier by the second and Jeno tried to calm his brother down. This always was a sensitive topic.

But Heachan nodded his head in disagreement, "I was born because her husband cheated on her"

"And I was born because she cheated on her husband" Mark yelled and everyone at the table looked at him wide eye'd.

"This is one hell of a bachelor party" Jeno said reaching for his drink, still shocked at what Mark had just said.

"Mark what are you saying..." Taeyong asked, placing a hand on Marks knee as Mark tried his best to avoid evryone gaze.

"I didn't know how to tell you guys but that's why dad stopped bothering me, because he recently found out I'm not his son" Mark said eyes downcast and then scoffed, "So now he's cut all ties with me"

"Oh I'm going to go punch that greedy old bastard" Jeno said with a growl to his tone and his fists clenched.

"Dont waste your time I don't care but it hurt how easy it was for him to drop me and now I hate my mother even more considering she knew about this since I was born but still fought with dad over him cheating and gave Hyuck crap for it" Mark frowned.

"Ugh this is so fucked up" Ten said taking a chug of his drink.

"I'm not a Lee" Mark sniffed, "I'm not your brother"

"Ahhh thats bs we're all brothers" Haechan said hugging Mark from behind.

"Yea and we've been through hell and back together" Ten grinned.

"And we'll always have eachothers backs and there's no easy way for you to get out of being our brother" Jeno said lightly punching Mark on his shoulder.

"I haven't raised you all my life for you to think I'm not your brother" Taeyong smiled and Mark chuckled slightly at that.

"Taeyong you're not their brother you're basically their mother" Ten said and everyone chuckled.

"Yea the constant nagging and the obsession with cleanliness and Febreze" Haechan said with a laugh and everyone chuckled.

"Yea so I don't know why you thought anything would change Mark" Jeno chuckled and Mark smiled.

"Yea we had messed up parents but luckily we have eachother" Taeyong said and Mark smiled.

"Yea we're definitely all Ten has" Haechan said wiping a fake tear, "No friends, just his brothers to have his bachelor party with"

"Okay now you're dead" Ten said chasing Donghyuck around the bar.

It resulted in them getting kicked out but they all laughed as they made their way to cafe moon, talking animatedly and happily.

The night was long and their futures prosperous.

~~~

The Lee Brother's- A mini series

Previous Part: Lee Donghyuck

[fantasy-dating-sim-trash]

Shio & Damiean Crack Post/Fic

So I was missing my friend Shio (She's been busy being an adult and doing adult things & so have I and we both haven't been able to talk much of late which is SAD!)

Or as I call her Bun-Bun or as y'all probably know her as the amazing, talented, funny, kind, and so much more @books-and-catears. If u havent read her stuff GO DO IT WHAT R U EVEN DOING IF U HAVEN'T!?! GO CHECK HER OUT!

So I was thinking about how the two of us would act as MC'S in OM if we both were in the world. She and I have talked about this before and we both know she'd try to shove me towards Satan or make up some kinda plan to fluster me. Since unfortunately I get super flustered super easily and she finds it super funny and adorable (I AM NOT ADORABLE OR CUTE I SWEAR! IM SCARY AND I WILL BE FEARED!!!)

We did come up with this idea and collaborate on this. She did help with some of this.

She did have an idea (not 100% set in stone fyi) for the end which I didn't like.

Soooooooo I made it better! She doesn't know about what I wrote for the end so I hope she enjoys it!

Also i dont think ive ever said here what my MC's name is but my MC's name is Damiean. Typically I wouldn't put that information in any of my posts about the boys because I want people to be able to put themselves in the story. But this time I wanted to put me and my friend in something!

So without further ado hers me and Shio in Obey me.

A crack post

no warnings

My MC X Satan

&

Shio X Solomon (sorry not sorry Asmo)

----------

Damiean *leaving RAD after the school day is over*

Shio: *skips over to Damiean* KITTY!!! *Hugs* today WAS SOOOOO LONG I'm so over school.

Damiean: Hey Bun-Bun! It was! Honestly, I'm tired as hell. What about you?

Shio: Sammmmeee! So what are you going to do now that school’s over for the day? Do you have any plans?

Damiean: You already know I'm gonna return some books to the library. I just finished reading them and I found some good books that I must read!

Shio: *gets knowing gleam in her eye* You sure that's the only reason ur going Kitty? Not to see a certain blonde demon? *raises eyebrows*

Damiean: *flustered & blushes* WHAT!!! NO!!!! I- I WASN'T! I- BUN BUN! *hides face in hands*

Shio: *laughs* You're so predictable Kitty. *puts an arm on their shoulder* You like him! Just admit it already! You & I both know you have the biggest crush on Satan. I however don't mind accompanying you to the library this time.

Damiean: I'm scared of your plans Bun-Bun and I definitely don't trust that look in your eye. What kind of scheme do you have cooked up this time?

Damiean: And I'll have you know I go there to find BOOKS to read!

Shio: Uh-huh. Who are you trying to convince here me or you? Because it sure ain't convincing me. You go there to find books but you have the added bonus of getting to stare at Satan and think to yourself about how hot and dreamy he is. *giving Damniean a knowing look giggling*

Damiean: *blushes furiously, claps their hand over Shio's mouth speaks in a hushed whisper* Could you BE any louder about my crush!?! You don't need to announce it to everyone around us you know! Also, you don't gotta call me out like that! I can kill two birds with one stone! I'm fine with just admiring him from afar.

Shio: *gives them the LOOK that says bitch PA-lease*

Damiean : *Sighs takes their hand off Shio’s mouth as they both randomly bumped into Satan upon entering the library*

Shio: No, but I have a game I would like to play with the two of you. Please sit down. *smirks and drags them both over to a table* Oh, don't look so scared Kitty.

Satan: Oh hey you two, looking for any new books to read?

Damiean: *shyly* Hi.

Satan: *smiles and stares at you* Your nickname is Kitty?

Damiean: *flushes (0////0)* Uh well...um..huh.. it's only Shio who calls me.. That… but yea

Shio: You can call them kitty too. Or kitten if you want~ *says in a slightly sing-songy voice*

Damiean: *whispers stares at her in shock* Bun-bun stop! WTF! Dont you dare!  - *(O/////O)*

Satan: Hmmmm, Kitten. I like that.

Damiean: * gets even more red in the face (>\\\\\\>)* Satan wait no-

Satan: Kitten, kitten, kitten.*looks at Damiean* That suits you so well.

Damiean: I- *freezes like an old windows computer due to being flustered*

Shio: Enough loverboy, you're gonna give them a heart attack.

Damiean: *super flustered, glares at Shio, then whispers*  Why'd YOU TELL HIM THAT!!! Look at what u did! I'm so red in the face right now! I'm gonna die!!!

Satan: *completely oblivious to Shio and Damiean whispers* So what's this game of yours Shio?

Shio: Aight so the game is to test how your brain functions under speed and pressure. I will ask you both questions and you have to answer as quickly as possible. Understood? Ok. *not really giving them time to say no or to think too hard about it*

Damiean and Satan: *prepares mentally*

Damiean: Bun-Bun wait! I’m not re-

Shio:*continues anyway* Favorite food?

Satan: Apple pie.

Damiean: Chicken Parm, with alfredo noodles and garlic bread.

Shio: What's your fav animal?

Both: Cats.

Shio: Favourite hobby?

Both: Reading.

Shio: Would you like to go on a date with the person sitting next to you?

Both: Yes.

Damiean: *glares more intently at Shio blushing even more then looks away from Shio & Satan*

Damiean: ....WAIT WHAT JUST- *gay panic* SHIO!!!

Satan: ...I was going to ask but I'm glad I have my answer. I guess we have to plan a date now, huh kitten? *looks at Damiean giving them a once over and smirks sexily*

Damiean:*beyound flustered, their brain short-circuiting*

Shio: *with a shit-eating grin gets up and pushes Damiean’s chair closer to Satan*  My job here is done, so I'll be leaving now. Have fun, you two! Bye-bye now!  *winks at Damiean then hops away* Ah, to be a cupid is so wonderful.

Damiean: *loudly talks* WE ARE NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS BUN BUN! You’re not gonna get away with this!!! We will talk about this later!!!

*LATER*

Solomon: So what was the result of the test you gave them?

Shio: They're both utterly completely and helplessly in love.

Solomon: Just like us, darling. *kisses her*

Shio: *giggles* It was about time they stopped that loving from afar shit. It was getting desperate, and pathetic even if it was cute. You just know I had to do something about it, Hopelessly in love the two of them.

Solomon: *grabs Shio’s hand* Come on, enough match-making for one day. We have our own date to go on.

[fanficsandmoregalore]

Danny Zuko x Reader

It had been a month since you moved to town and although you tried to stay to yourself, the shenanigans at Rydell High were always happening. It seemed like everywhere you went, people were loud and cheery. You just wanted some peace and quiet. And not to mention, Danny Zuko. He was always around, somehow and someway he always knew where to find you. He would relentlessly flirt with you or simply follow you around have a one-sided conversation. Just now for instance.

You turned and looked at Danny with an exhausted smile, he had been chatting about some race he was in and following you around the library. It was a weekend morning and you had to get yourself ready for a big event you were going to be in, you couldn't have any distractions.

"Danny. Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"No, baby. Anywhere you are is where i wanna be."

You sighed in defeat at his flirty, but sweet, words and smiled at him.

"Fine, will you carry these books for me then?"

He agreed happily and held out his hands, expecting one or two books. You handed him a ridiculously, cartoonish amount of books and Danny looked at you like you were stealing them.

"Uh hey, (Y/n), what is all this for? You don't even take these classes."

You continued looking for more books as you explained.

"I know, the Decathlon is coming up and i want to be extra prepared. I'm new here so i want the team to know i mean business. I dont want to disappoint them."

Danny smiled, he loved hearing you talk even though he didn't really register what you were talking about. You turned to him and smiled.

"Okay. That's all the books i need. I'm just gonna be here reading so if you wanna leave, now would be the time."

Danny said he would stay with you in the library, and so he did. He ended up reading some book on car mechanics and what not while you went through every page of the books you picked up, absorbing every detail you read. Eventually, you finished and put the books up. Danny and you left the library together and you were going to walk home, so you tried saying goodbye to him, emphasis on tried.

"Well, Danny. Guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey (Y/n), do you have time for a bite?"

"I don't know, Danny. I should really be heading back home."

"Are you sure? I mean, i have seen you eat anything since this morning."

You looked at the time, it was only 2:30, so you decided to take him up on his offer, which made him very happy.

----

You were at some small diner in town, it was packed and it made you nervous. Danny noticed and put up a menu to hide you both behind and talked to you as a way to keep your mind off of the people.

"So, what's a deca...decalf...that somethincon."

"Decathlon?" You giggled. Danny smiled at the sight of you.

"Yeah, that. What kind of sport is that?"

"It's not a sport, per se. They have an athletic Decathlon and then an Academic one, which i will be participating in. It is like a trivia game."

"When is it? I'll go and cheer for you."

You smiled but told Danny he probably wouldn't be able to cheer. The Academic Decathlons you had been too were very strict on their audience's volume. You did, however, tell Danny when it was taking place and his smile fell.

"Aw shoot, i can't go. I got plans already."

You patted his hand and told him it was okay. It wasn't like you told him he had to be there or anything, he invited himself. But you did like the idea of a cute boy like him coming to cheer for you. You both ate and Danny made sure you walked home safe. As you laid in bed that night, you thought about the day you just had. You shot up in bed at a sudden realization.

"Oh my gosh! I went on my very first date today!" You told yourself in disbelief. Somehow Danny had roped you into spending a bunch of time with him, even if you didn't talk much, and then you went out for dinner with him which he paid for, then he walked you home. And you enjoyed it! You blushed as you rested your head onto your pillow again.

---

It was the day of the Decathlon and you were getting ready. All you had been able to think about was Danny and it was driving you crazy. You had read alk that material but now all you could think about was everything Danny had said to you EVER. And then you remembered, he wouldn't be able to come see you compete. It made you sad a bit, sure, but you'd win and then you could tell him all about it. Your team got to their table and the event began. Your team was ahead because of you and you were feeling very proud of yourself, you just wished Danny was here to see it. You zoned out thinking about him and completely missed the host asking the next question, luckily one of your team members answered instead. You snapped back and continued to answer questions.

Theast question rolled around and it was the hardest one by far, you struggled to come up with an answer but you did just in time. Your team had won and all of them shook your hand and hugged you. Suddenly you heard your name being yelled out from the sea of darkness where the audience was. You looked out and saw Danny. You gasped and saw him coming to the stage to see you. You got down and he picked you up and spun you around.

"Hell yeah, (Y/n)! You did it! You're so smart, baby!"

You laughed and hugged him tight, he put you back on your feet and you pulled away to look at him.

"Thank you for the other night. I had so much fun on our date."

Danny smiled, knowing what day you meant. He couldn't help himself anymore and pulled you in for a kiss. You happily returned it and the kiss was surprisingly sweet and gentle. You both pulled away for air and smiled at each other.

"Wanna get a bite?"

You nodded and Danny took your hand in his gently as you began to walk out the door, off on another date. This was going to be the start of a long and very interesting relationship.

"How do you know what classes i do and don't take?"

[staysuki]

i want you to rate my handwriting but i cant send images through anonymous asks 😃👍 and hearing your story actually brings me back to 6th grade XD i used to get scolded by my science teacher because of how cramped (?) i write but it wasnt even that bad :"> thats why i forced myself to just write in all caps just for them to hopefully understand ,, thus how our handwritings look 25% similar lmao

if you have the time ,, we dont mind being ur personal diary and just rant abt ur work whenever it gets hard lol good luck tho for reals! and dont push yourself too hard in writing if youre really that busy <3 <-haha dick

moving on! 🍕 skip introductions lets date UwU and thank you for saying im a fun person XD long story short i used to be a silent reader but i figured out that fic writers actually like receiving feedback so i sent asks to every author i liked ! i hesitated at first because im really awkward, and these past few days i was scared that others found it annoying that im active in asks so i was really happy hearing that you think im a fun person XD but even then i didnt stop sending asks cuz im a bad bitch 😌💅 and when i like a story,,, its fun talking about it with the person who wrote it!

anyways our first (friendly 😛) date could be in penis heart enterprise™️ felix is willing to be the third wheeler 🤩 ash ur coming with us whether u like it or not >:( <33333

- bs

OHHHH, i didn't know that you can't do that actually 👀!!! that's sad. (counter-offer: just send it and pretend it's not you JKJK) AND YES, what is it with teachers trynna restrict our penmanship grrrr. I also got in trouble even with all caps because you know how in math equations there are specific formulas that specify whether you need to use a capital letter or a small letter— yeah :D they count my solution as wrong cuz of that even tho i'm a mAtH wiZ 👊😤✨ (jk)

and ofc :,> i always share stuff here, i love talking to people! i am a people person. semi-tangent, my family always told me that i'm "unnecessarily amicable" because i can easily talk to strangers sometimes that they keep thinking i know a lot of people. i thought it was normal to talk to others up until recently when i was buying smth alone, i couldn't choose between two items so i just went up to a stranger and asked them "which one's cuter? 😊"— they legit paused for five seconds like 😀, and that's when i realized that some people find it odd when people you don't know comes to you all casual and whatnot.

and yes, truth be told, i'm a bit too burnt out to do written fics :,> so i'm sticking to my SMAUs for now but maybe soon i'll be able to finish those basement ideas <3 (hehe pp)

and omg, i'm teary rn 😢 that's the best date invitation i've ever seen. i'm actually dying laughing with this whole ask pls.

AND YES. WE WRITERS LIKE GETTING FEEDBACK!! LOTS OF THEM!! TELL ME WHAT UR THINKING. LMK WHATS GOOD OR WHATS NOT. I WANT TO HEAR THE THOUGHTS. EVERYTHING.

(Or at least, i do. You can send me 10 asks or comments in a row every update letting me hear your rants and theories about my fics and i'd be more than happy to read all of em 😤)

not the "(friendly)" pls. i'm sure felix would be more than happy to let you use his pp breakroom for ur friendly date 🤥 bUt whY do i hAve to coMe tOo JKJK.

[tylerwritez]

OKAY ANWYAYS its 10:57 p.m. Wednesday June 23

I'm gonna start writing my entry now so that later I'm not too exhausted to actually TALK about stuff.

Yesterday Bee gave me a link to watch Supernatural on my computer so later tonight I probably will.

I'm in class right now, we just had a test on evolution (boring) and I studied some of the book State And Revolution by Lenin (I also took notes) (he's 100 percent correct by the way)

I just had a wonderful discussion with my friend on Instagram XD it was kinda funny. I dont have much else to say Yet. I'm having a coffee and listening to Samaris

I guess that will be my song recommendation for today since I'm listening to it right now XD

Also my parents said yes to letting me go to Jay's house to watch Insidious after school, I just gotta be back for supper! I'm excited abt that... cos he is actually like. The best. So in honour of that or whatever I'm giving yall TWO song recs today... also I dont think I gave one yesterday so here is Jay's fave song XD we gave different taste you'll notice,,, if you pay attention to the stuff I reccomend

Like he listens to old stuff XD he liked this weezer song from my playlist so you get the vibes. WEEZER IS GOOD THO omg thank u K (I'm just gonna call him K) for recommending me weezer! I knew a radiohead fan would give me good music lol.

Actually I talked to K a while ago and told him about how insanely transgender the song Bodysnatchers is and he was like wow so true so I figured I'd tell yall to listen to this if ur trans because like I know everyone's got a #different experience but for me I was like holy Shit this is so trans

Anwyays idk it makes more sense if u listen to the LYRICS.

Please I'm supposed to talk about my DAY now we are onto music oh well I guess it happens sometimes plus I'm bored I hate bio class

Okay so now we have come to the thesis that kinks are contagious wow fun times in the insta chat XD

It's now 4:16 p.m. I'm back from school! Turns out I couldn't go over to Jay's cos he has work :( which made me a bit sad BUT IT'S OKAY! We can always hang out another time you know?

I'm just studying right now for my final exam... TOMMOROW

Update: 8:15 p.m.

I'm out biking. We've mildly vandalized a school, I'll attach images after I remove the exit data... it probably doesnt count as VANDALISM tho like it can easily be washed off.

My sister made some new friends her age and whatnot. Idk, just regular stuff.

Update: 10:43 p.m. I was frustrated while studying because some of the questions are stupid and I'm stupid and I cant remember TWO ENTIRE UNITS so that's fun. I got really upset. Idk.

Also Star is kinda being bitchy. Like, I know shes upset cos I dont give her enoguh attention but like... do YOU give me attention? Like, shes always so mean out of the blue, even if I try to be nice or if I'm BUSY AND NOT IGNROING HER, BUT BUSY... and it puts me off and it makes me not wanna talk to her like what's the point in saying "hey how was ur day?" If shes gonna act like a bitch to me :| I just dont understand like if she wants soemthing she should say it outright and PUT SOME EFFORT in jesus christ.

Sorry. I dont hate her and I'm not mad at her, I'm just fed up! I'm tired!!! Okay??? Am I not allowed to be exhausted sometimes?

Whatever. I mean at least I got to drink monster.

I gotta start dieting again cos I'm gaining weight :( and its upsetting me

Anyways this whole thing with Jay and Star is kinda confusing and dramatic and I'm kinda tired idk. Its MY OWN FAULT but I just want to be able to. Idk. Not hurt anyone. Whatever. It's too late now and it's not really worth trying anymore.

I hope Jay doesn't just totally ditch me when he goes to college... :( I would be so sad... it's a good thing I can spam his number and insta XD

Wish me luck on my final exam. I need it.

And if anyone knows any good ways to avoid cutting myself, TELL ME!!! Because DAMN I really want to go spend all my money on a four dollar knife/steal a knife then SLICE MYSELF UP. SO BAD. jesus.

I think I should just die I'm actually a horrible person.

Update: its 11:22 p.m. and my parents are FUCKING ARGUING AGAIN JESUS CHRIST JUST FUCKING DIVORCE ALREADY. I wish my lil sister didn't have to hear this shit... oh well. I'm already a shitty influence anyways so I guess it doesn't matter.

... have you ever seen your parents CRY? Because I have. And jesus christ it's the actual worst thing ever. Especially if you're young. Especially if it's YOUR fault... Especially if it's over shit you could barely even comprehend because of your age. Money. Shit like that. They LOOK at you with this expression, like a fucking wounded animal. It's the expression of someone just totally fucking defeated. The expression of soemone who is frightened. And its fucking scary, especially when it's your fault.

My mom does this every time she sees I've cut myself again. I hate it. Makes me wanna cut more because STOP IT. she always looks dESTROYED. It's the worst.

Sometimes they argue and fight and shit and they yell at you yell at you Yell at you scare you into submission and fuck having angry parents is terrifying because they're suppsoed to protect you and be understanding and gentle with you, the child, the cattle of the shepard, the egg of the black goat... ESPEICALLY WHEN YOU ARE IN PAIN. Every time you cry they get angrier and angrier, every time you wear what u wanna wear they get angrier and angrier, every time you are ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT THEY WISH YOU WERE... they get angry. You start to feel like maybe they dont ACTUALLY love you. There is a disconnect between what you need and what you are given. What you see in media and what you see at home. You start to feel like shit.

Eventually you learn that if you dont want the head of your favourite stuffed animal twisted off or your sisters barbie doll thrown out the window in a moving car or to be verbally insulted or to have them do SCARY things like make moves toward you before they remember they aren't suppsoed to hit you and just punishment that's emotionally fucking damaging all those words that you remember years later but they don't, every time they tell you they wish you were dead.... you gotta be quiet. Shut up. Do as you're told and don't say a fucking WORD. good boy. Upset? Don't tell them. Don't cry in front of them. Say nothing. Maintain the illusion, it'll keep you safe.

Soon enough your entire life is a secret and you need therapy but can't get it and wow, I wonder why I'm like this? I fucking wonder.

They aren't even arguing anymore but I wish they would shut up because I dont wanna hear their voices its making me ANXIOUS...

Sometimes I feel like I never got to develop past a certain point in childhood. Maybe 5, 10, 3, 6, I dont fucking know. Over 2 and under 10. Like my brain is emotionally stuck there and all of my behaviour is stuck there too. Sometimes if shit hurts me in ANY WAY I just sorta allow the bad hurt to happen. I tell myself, endure. Stay quiet, don't say a word. I've trained myself this way and now it's hard to learn to be loud and talk to people and be my own self without being scared. And part of this... is why I appreciate my friends and JAY. Jay, who always makes sure I'm okay. And everyone I know who likes to drop into my messages every once in a while to see how I'm doing... everyone who never forgets about me.

I'm actually so fucking appreciative of all my friends.

I don't know. I just... wish it was easier to sort out my shit but I guess not

Update: it's now 3:09 a.m. and I'm so fucking tired but whatever. I talked to Jay and it's hard to say much because I'm so tired but FUCK I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM JESUS CHRIST IM IN LOVE?!?!?!!! goddamnit it I just wanna be with him constantly...

Also I told him I was worried and he said, with his cute fucking voice, that I shouldnt worry cos he wouldnt just leave me. And. ThaNK YOU JAY. IF YOURE READING THIS, THANK YOU. Sometimes I get this dude's messages and just fucking smile. Hes the best and I love him. His whole self is a thing of beauty that I admire so much hes so charismatic and attractive and CUTE and I always tell him he's overconfident but MAN if i was that guy I'd be such a douchebag from confidence... dont tell him that though, xD like man I'm trying my best but at this point I wouldnt know what to fucking do if he went away. Like I'd cry so much.... I hope he doesnt move on from me too quick.

I'm so. I feel happy. Because I'm looking at everything and I feel so happy I'll cry and so sad I'll laugh. It's like being in a shitty coming of age movie where they play pop punk and the main character has his moment with the hot girl at the school dance or whatever bullshit. I feel like that. But its also like that same main character in his late forties stumbling upon an old photo of him and his highschool girlfriend and killing himself from love.

Here's what I'm listening to now... this plus a bunch of nostlagia inducing songs earlier... I just. Memories. So many. I almsot want to cry. Like. Look at them. Hold them in your hands as if they're these lovely little stones you found on the ground and put in your pockets cos they had cool stripes. Feel their WEIGHT. It's one of those things where it's so happy it's sad. It's so sad its happy. You're laughing and crying all at once and all you want is a hug. Because you can FEEL the human parts of you coming out, seeping out like a styro, starts off white then... blood. Humanity. I am vulnerable and exposed and I leave myself here.

HAN LEID, HAN LEID, HAN LEID,... han varr.

He walked, he walked, he walked,... he became.

I guess I'm still walking. But jesus christ. People affect me so much. So much. These memories, how it was cold or sunset or hot outside or nighttime and dark, how we were there as humans. I'd never be happier than in those little moments but you don't see it until years later. You don't see how important it was until you think of it and cry... fucking hell. Nils, Mark, Gabe, Max, James, Kyle, Liz,, every friend I've ever had. Nothing is better than music and memories because jesus christ I would've loved to have... died.

Died? No. My brain does this thing... I dont mean died. I guess I mean I wouldve liked to be frozen in those moments.

Sometimes I get a similar feeling. It's not the same, but its similar. This thing where you are so happy and grateful and sad because this is a tragedy and wow look. A happy moment in a tragedy. But jesus its happy enough and I want to cry because I really do appreciate the people who's lives cross paths with mine. I cry because I think of every little moment in which I knew that I wasnt alone and every little moment in which I felt their SOUL with mine and every little moment where my heart was touched... even unintentionally and in ways that dont make sense.

There was a girl, I'll call her Jade, I came out to her before anyone else. And sometimes, in the back of my head, I play that moment. In my mind. It was over fucking Skype. But I still felt it.

Oh man... I should proabably tell my coming out story. The story of how I came out to my parents. I was scared. I really was... but I felt like if I couldn't be ME, I couldn't live, or at least I didn't want to.

This was the song I played as I wrote a letter at... around this time actually, 3 or 4 am

I wrote it so spontaneously. I didn't even THKNK. I just wrote it. Because I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night and well... I had camp the next morning. That gave them a solid week or so to think about my letter... that would ensure they would be able to cool off whatever anger it would make them feel.

I wrote on one sheet of sketchbook paper front and back. I tried my best to explain. I tried my best. And that paper is stained with tears and still rests in my moms sock drawer

The whole thing got complicated after that... but in the end it worked out, with a lot of fucking work and persistence on my part.

Soemtimes I hope they look at it and cry themselves like how I did writing it.

Sometimes I just wish things were different. But they're not. I gotta deal with this.

But hey! Hey! We were happy earlier. Because... I dont kNow. I love everyone and I love the planet and i never want anyone to have to be hurt. Okay??? I love. Everyone.

Its hyperbole but still. I just want the best for everyone and I hate when other people are suffering cos it makes me upset. And. I don't know. I feel so... emotional right now. Like right now? I just want to hug everyone. And tell them that I'm here. And that it's okay. Look at me, dude! Look at me. I fucking made it... kinda. You can too! If you're reading this and you feel like shit... pull through. Please. I believe you can. I love you ANF I care about you and if you ever need help, message me.

Whatever I just. I dont know. I feel all like I just want everyone to be happy and at peace.... because I remember SO MUCH and all of it is making me cry a lot because I'm full of love okay? Like. I just care about people. I had to say goodbye to all of them but I don't fucking forget. I NEVER FORGET. It's a curse and... right now? The saddest blessing ever.

I had to say goodbye... yknow, I've never been good at goodbyes. I hope I don't have to say goodbye to Jay for a while. A long time. And when we do... I hope I can listen to his song and think of him and pull out every memory as perfectly as I can for everyone else. I just. I don't know. I see all these people in my mind, in flashes and it all comes flooding back to me. That isnt just a face. That was my friend and now they're gone. That was my friend and now? Not a word from them... that was my best friend and now its awkward. I don't want that anymore.. its painful. All of these people that have forgotten me years ago... who I still remember. Ouch. I dont know. I think I'm being dramatic because tlaking to Jay and being sleep deprived made me all mushy and then I listened to music. So.

Music makes everything feel so much more consuming but I cant live without it.

I dont even know

I'm just happy that I get to experience love.

Even if in the very end I am left alone... even if I'm tormented with memories of a happiness that can only be temporary,,,

I still appreciate it all and I'm full of love and appreciation I'm happy and i want to say THANK YOU to everyone

Signing off at 3:50 a.m,

Jude Shepard

[ma-gic-gay]

"Get. Out," Jason says, glaring at the mobster in front of him. "Aren't you supposed to be in a prison cell?"

"I was released on bail and wanted to see how-"

"Say her name and you'll be the one in the hospital bed."

"Is that a threat?"

"A promise," he smiles fakely, enjoying the fact he's the one with power in this situation. This sick bastard is the reason that his... Carly is traumatized and hurt.

"Please, leave," Carly requests softly. For a minute, Jason almost forgot she was there. He immediately goes back in his chair and wipes away her tears, which are coming fairly frequently. "I want him out of here and back in his cell."

"You heard the woman. Get out or I'll have security remove you."

"I own part of this hospital, Mr. Morgan. I'm on the board-"

"Not anymore," Michael answers, walking in with his kids and Willow. "Last night, the board took a vote. ELQ bought out your shares and the board decided you're no longer a part of it. So if I were you, I'd get out of here while you can still move."

"Are you threatening me, Mr. Corinthos?" Cyrus asks, amused. "That won't fly with anyone, really."

"You made a mistake, underestimating him," Willow chimes in. "I'd leave pretty quickly if I were you. After all, we know you're going back to Pentonville, where I look forward to you rotting in a prison cell until you die a slow, painful death."

"Ms. Tait-"

"It's Mrs. Corinthos, actually," she says, glaring at him while showing her engagement and wedding rings. "Because, you see, I love Michael and he loves me. That's what these beautiful rings mean. Something I doubt you'll ever be able to experience. Then again, maybe prisoners like knowing that their fellow prisoner is a kidnapper and rapist. Maybe not. I guess you'll find out."

"I have no reason to leave," Cyrus answers a non-existent question. "There's no need for me to. I just wanted to check on Carly. I do hope I can call you that, Mrs. Corinthos?"

"No," she answers, voice weak and tears still streaming down her face. "Please, leave. You know what you did to me. So do the cops, so does everyone else in this room. Enjoy your last few weeks of freedom if you insist, but otherwise, Cyrus, get the hell out of my room."

When he still refuses to move, Jason presses the "call" button near Carly's bed and Epiphany enters the room. "Mr. Renault. Unless you need medical attention, get out of this hospital."

"Nurse Johnson," he greets. "Nice to see you."

"Security!" Epiphany shouts instead of answering his greeting. "Cyrus is in 3115!"

A few moments later, a security guard enters and escorts Cyrus out, much to the man's protests. "I'm not doing anything wrong by visiting a friend!"

Epiphany casts a glance towards Carly, "You want a sedative or something?"

"No, thanks," the blonde responds, noticing her grandkids are in the room and breaking into a fake smile. "Hey Wiley, Ophelia! Did you two have fun playing with Donna and Avery yesterday?"

"Grandma, why are you crying?" Wiley asks. "And why aren't you at home?"

"I got a really bad booboo and so I'm stuck in here for a little while. Don't worry, bud, I'll be out of here and playing with you two again as soon as I can. Maybe we'll go get some ice cream to celebrate when I get out, how's that sound?" Carly asks her grandson, simplifying it greatly.

"Yay! Ice cream!" Wiley cheers while his sister just smiles.

"Hey, Mr. Wiley, I think you have to get to school," Michael says after glancing at his watch.

"But I want to help Grandma's boo-boos feel better!" He protests.

"Grandma needs her rest, Wiley. Tell you what, maybe your dad will take you here after school and you can tell her all about your day. How's that sound?" Jason offers, compromising.

"Will you make sure she gets her rest, Jason?" Wiley asks and they laugh at the young boy's concern.

"Yes, I will. But you've got to get off to school first."

"Okay. Bye bye, Grandma and Jason! I'll be back after school."

He waves as Michael takes him out of there, Ophelia still with Willow. "Ophelia, do you wanna say bye to her? Say bye bye," Willow urges, smiling.

Silence follows that. "She's being rude, sorry about that," she jokes before bringing her out to join Michael and Wiley in the car.

As soon as the door closes behind Willow, the silent tears multiply and Carly's loudly sobbing. "How did he get out, Jason? They promised me he'd go to jail, that he'd never see the light of day again. I know it's the PCPD, but they made a promise to me! And now he's walking around town, free to see me and make me feel like I'm back in that room and he's about to-" she trails off at one point, sobs overtaking her vocal cords.

"I don't know. I'm calling Diane; this isn't making any sense."

"No need to call, Jason. I'm right here. Heard Cyrus got let out?"

"He paid a visit to us, actually, only a few minutes ago," Carly says, abruptly ending her sobs.

"Well, the DA is going to take this case. Which means Robert Scorpio is your lawyer. I'm going to be assisting him, however, and I expect that Cyrus will be put away rather quickly. If he doesn't plead guilty, than you'll go to trial. His arraignment is happening tomorrow and he's out on bail until then. After that, he will be sent to Pentonville to either await trial or start serving his sentence," Diane summarizes quickly. "Carly, when are you expected to get out of here?"

"In a couple of days, but I think they'd let me out for a court date."

"You're not leaving until the doctor's deem it safe," Jason counters quickly. "If you can't go to the arraignment, I will. I'll tell you exactly what happened."

"Well if the doctors say I can go to court-"

"Look. I'll talk to the nurses and figure out what's going on here. You two can fight about this later. In the meantime, you need to be prepared for the possibility he'll plead not guilty and take this to trial." Diane interjects. "Robert will be by later today to discuss this with you."

"If he pleads not guilty and we go to trial, how fast can we get one?" Jason asks.

"A couple of weeks, probably. Which means keeping a low profile. No business talk, no crazy ideas. Just a coffee importer and a victim of what Cyrus did to you," Diane warns. "You two don't exactly have the best reputation."

"Hey, I'm a respectable businesswoman and he's a respectable businessman. We'll be fine," Carly smiles and Diane cocks an eyebrow at Jason.

"We won't do anything stupid."

"Good. I'm going to go talk to the nurses. Carly, rest up. We'll want you at court tomorrow." Diane says before leaving, her heels clacking along the tile.

"Don't tell me you want me to stay in the hospital," Carly says, starting up that argument again.

"I don't. But if it's the best way for you to heal-"

"It's not. I'm already bored to death and, as much as I enjoy your company, I want to be at home. Or at work. Back to running the world, you know? Not cooped up in this hospital bed, screaming every few hours because I feel like I'm back in that room above Jake's, which used to be such a fun spot but now it makes me want to die inside, thinking about it. Thinking about what he did, it taints almost all of our memories there and I think that's the worst part of it," the blonde admits, smiling through her tears.

"I can think, you know, about how we got our start, and when I focus on just you, it makes it all seem so much easier. When I don't, and I let my mind wander, somehow I end up thinking about what Cyrus did. I can't even indulge in nostalgia without thinking about him, Jason. The physical, yeah I'm sore but I'll be fine. Eventually, I won't have any physical mark of it. But the emotional one, what if it never goes away? What if whenever I think of us, and that little room, I always end up thinking about Cyrus? What then?"

"Then you'll just have to think of our other memories. At the penthouse, at any of your houses, with Michael, at the hospital, any of the years worth of other memories," he offers. "They're not our only good memories, Carly. They're just a few."

"My boy on the side, remember?" She asks and they laugh. "Robin couldn't find out and neither could Tony."

"Yeah," he smiles. "We were determined to never speak to each other outside of the bar and that room. It was pretty much our only rule."

"I never did like following rules."

"Not even the ones you came up with."

"Well, if I'd followed the rules, then you wouldn't know me nearly as well and you'd be leading a sad life without me in it. You wouldn't have nearly as much fun without me," she says confidently.

"I'd also have way less headaches."

"And be dead by now."

"Yeah, probably."

"I think I've earned a thank you."

"Thank you, Carly."

"You're welcome." Smiling, she realizes something. "Hey, I just realized that you didn't kiss me that nightmare."

"Did you really want me to kiss you in front of Cyrus?" He asks.

"It would've drove him nuts."

"Yeah, well Michael, Willow, and your grandkids were in here too. Michael's already barely not killing us for having sex, I don't feel like testing that."

"No one's here now."

"Is that your way of telling me to-" he gets cut off by the feeling of her kissing him.

They pull apart a few moments later, Carly having a satisfied smile on her face. "So, how long does this whole kissing me every time I have a nightmare thing last?"

"Until we decide to stop it," he answers simply, refusing to label whatever the hell is going on here. At least, none of that until she's more recovered from this, maybe when Cyrus is behind bars.

To be continued after I actually do school because fuck the education system

@ryleighjosephine i dont know what the song is sorry

[shiro-0197]

Heyyy love!! Please hold me back I'm gonna fight your pillow >:( tho I am glad you're better. It's good that the pill and water helped :) cheese and Netflix sounds so good right now, what are you watching?

I really understand that, at least you'll get to celebrate it with more people, and that's already such fun. I also had a thought. When new year's eve finally rolls around, Malaysia will be in 2021 two hours earlier than Kazakhstan. I'll be sure to message you during that time period, 😝😝 aaaah that'd be so cool, dont you think?

Omg that is really cool, so it's like adding oc's in the storyline!!! 😣 Kouki Yoshido and Aito Okada sound cool, I already like their positions 🤚😼 and that requires a lot of planning, I'm sure it'll keep you guys busy (in the best way possible, because it's also fun to work on stuff with your friends) tho noooo, please don't say that, I love hearing you talk about stuff, and something you're passionate about like this? Yes please my heart is MELTING 😣💖 makes me love you all the more (which I didn't think was possible ;-;)

omg then you'd love a dish we have here!! I had it earlier, which is why I asked you that question. it's called "pan mee" and it's like, SPICY noodles, with dry chili, pickles, egg, and minced meat and it's so good 😭😭 (and yes I ate it for lunch! Proud for not skipping today xD) tho yes since it's both spicy, and noodles, I think you'd like it. It's a dish native to the Hakka Chinese, and since my grandma was Hakka, she loved it too. Just googled plov. It looks epic :>

aw that cafe sounds wonderful. I really hope you'll someday find it again, and be able to try the green tea :) tho I totally agree with what you've said about pizzas and quiches 😣😣 they finish wayy too fast and before you know it, the whole pizza is gone :<

ahhh Molly sounds like such an adorable name, you must've had a great time with the parrot. (He sounded like such a darling...) It's a shame :( I'm sorry to hear that >:(((

omg that logo was so pretty! The blues 😍😍😍 Here's ours... It's transparent too, so I hope you can see it xD (Leo stands for "leadership, experience, opportunity" which is lame ik😣 but oh well— we're basically a social service club with a whole lot of protocol)

AHH yes Rowling just makes all potterheads look bad. I loved the series ever since I was really young, and I've read the books multiple times, but the author as a person?? Nope. 🙀 I also had a project presentation earlier, and I'm v sure I screwed it up but uh nevermind 😭😣😣😣😣

That gif nooooo skjdksks too cute. And omg what you smile when you think of me? Combusting rn, that's so sweet I'm flustered

I love you so much :)

—Ari

Helloo!!

Ahah, sunshine, would a hug hold you back?^^" Please dont fight my pillow, its ruined as it is now hehe~ really though, the kids messed it up so bad😩

I'm watching Alice in the Borderland, you might've seen Kuro watching that in his stories too, (I checked the name in google and apparently it's also a manga😳 might read it later) It's pretty cool, I only watched two episodes but it's already awesome. It's a good watch, though theres blood and death and sexual scenes, so be careful~

I didnt even think about that, haha! I'm looking forward to it♡^з^ I'm sure itll be amazing!!

I'm really glad you think so, surprisingly those two are my most treasured children😩 even though I wasn't the one to create them XD still I think they're nice little kids. I'm hoping we finish the team soon so I could show you each of them😭

Ehhh I'm glad to hear that~ Its the only passion I have at the moment, and ... did I say that already??? I think I did. Or??? Either way, its really dear to me, and tbh if Liza wasn't busy we'd probably finish it all a lot quicker:( I feel bad cuz shes got a strict mom, but when we're on call they seem to have a pretty good relationship aside from when they're commanding her, so I guess it's not as bad as I thought. Still, she's busy, and barely finds time and place to draw.

Sorry, I'm gonna carry on about Liza for a little bit, because I'm really proud of how shes becoming lately--- I moved out of town a few years ago, maybe three or something, and to be honest I haven't really expected her to improve so much?? It's still got a few problems, but to be honest, the first time I saw her drawing I almost cried because I felt so proud, as I was the one to actually help her with the basics. I guess that's what being friends with artists does to you, but still I got really emotional when I first saw her improvements XD

Oh my god, SPICY NOODLES?? PICKLES????? EGGS????? MINCED MEAT???? SIGN ME THE HELL UP I AM ON MY WAYYYY I am definitely cooking you some plov and I really hope you like it😭😩

I hope so too!! ~and it especially sucks when you're in a big family, Kuro's been crying about how he got one slice of pizza when the kids ate everything every time💀 makes me wanna adopt him even more tbh JSHDJSJD

He was!! That month was hard because my dog also died, I miss them all so much🥺

OH it looks so good!!! The abbreviation (is that the word😭) is really cool too?? I love the lions hehe, big hairy cats go grrr

True true true, I absolutely can't stress enough how much struggle it is when the author is a bad person. I've been listening to a group, but the leader is an abusive/manipulative prick apparently, so the songs are like a guilty pleasure. I literally cant stop listening to them cuz their songs are the most relatable thing I've ever heard, but yet, it's sad to see that the one who wrote them is not a good person :<

Oh, I'm sure you didnt? I dont know the details though, but even if you did, please dont worry!! I'm sure you got the point through, and that's what's important:) No one can do everything perfectly, so dont stress about it<3

Hehehhe, no way, you're cuter😠❤❤ of course I do, your messages are one of the main sources of serotonin for me😝💞

I love you too!! Hope you're doing good<3

[whoami-imnotentirelysure]

3.21.22

I haven't really journaled in a while, due to constantly keeping myself busy. I think I've been feeling better. I've had my moments of having shit fall apart on me and my mental health getting the better of me, but I'm doing okay. I know that I've tackled so much stuff in my life before. I know that I can continue doing stuff now. I've been kind of low on energy recently, but I know that I'll be able to handle it all. I'm honestly surprised, it's almost April.

I graduated from Vtubing, the community has become extremely toxic. Plus, I wasn't getting recognition at the time. So, I'm just sticking to getting better at art. It's been a year of me drawing, and I've seen lots of progress. I've been working hard. I've been trying to get away from being on my computer all of the time. I'm about to limit my screen time a lot more. I think if I start putting stuff slowly back into my storage unit to help me focus on getting out of this god awful house, (kinda like grounding myself), maybe it'll work . I don't know, I really want out of here. I realized just how toxic it is, I had a damn good dream last night that I was finally out of my mom's house, and it was amazing. I was feeling great. I know that thing's will finally be at least endurable once I'm out of here. I've been trying to keep my head up. There's some days that I'm just completely pooped and don't feel like doing anything and that's okay. Other days I feel like doing things and don't manage to get everything done. This is okay too. It's okay to not always be productive. I have to retrain my brain into not beating myself up every time I don't get stuff done. I've been taught that if I'm not doing something 24/7, then I'm being unproductive.

That's not the case. I can work and not force myself to be productive 24/7. I'm allowed to have lazy days. I'm cleaning after myself, I'm keeping myself kind of busy. I hate toxic positivity. I hate feeling like I HAVE to be positive. It's just not normal. It's not normal to constantly feel like we have to be positive, that's not how things work. We're human, we're allowed to feel, we're allowed to be sad, we're allowed to get angry. Why is toxic positivity a thing?

I might go for a walk tomorrow, I don't know. It really depends on how I'm feeling. I need to apply to more jobs tonight.

My fingers can't keep up with my brain. I wish there was a machine that could just read my brain and throw all of my thoughts out onto paper, instead of me trying to write everything out. It's dumb, I have so many things I want to write about but my brain goes way too fast and my fingers just cannot keep up.

I miss my friends that I had after high school. It really sucks that we all went our separate ways. I had good memories come back to me, and man, it put a fucking smile on my face. They all listed memories I couldn't remember, which hurts me to know.

i dont know what else to write