#but I don't think it'd be very good for his health or mental state or general wellbeing

[kinomiakai]

Hi! Do you think making Sasuke stay in Konoha is ooc? Why or why not because there are so many fanfics that go like Naruto brings Sasuke back in the village he's either imprisoned or rendered unable to use his powers and somehow persuaded to stay in the village and not enough Naruto and Sasuke leave the village together exploring the world trying to help other villages and connect with people that share similar experiences with them while also developing their own relationship together. I don't know this feels more true to their characters. Also would this be something you'd like to explore in your future stories? Love your writing!

Hey anon!! I love this phrasing like an essay question hahaha okay okay lemmie get some brainstorming started

So first off, I’ve written both of these! Not the imprisonment scenario specifically, but I do have some fics with Sasuke in Konoha. So I don’t think it’s ooc, necessarily. I definitely think of the two choices, it’s the tougher one to write - you really have to work on justifying it in Sasuke’s head. Sasuke staying in Konoha, to me, relies on probably one of two things: (1) the world can’t change without his help, and he’s ready to help it again, and/or (2) Konoha is unrecognizable as what it once was, and now Sasuke sees it as another place entirely. I did a mix of those in Rebuilding; [SPOILERS if you haven’t read it] they do go travelling at the end, but they also have a house in Konoha, and Sasuke reconnects to the Uchiha compound. Naruto also really needs his help, as the person leading the charge—and Sasuke not only sees that he’s trying & struggling, but he knows Naruto can do it. In the fic, anyway. So that’s a way I think it can work; Sasuke hates Konoha but I don’t think his desire to change the ninja system is gone or anything. I think he’d either want to be 100% out of the loop, or find it really, really hard not to get involved, because anything that stalled Naruto’s efforts or what have you would infuriate him.

And I think this debate/choice is especially tough for them as a pairing, because either Sasuke needs manage to be okay with Konoha (which, in canon, he really really isn’t), or Naruto needs to be able to detangle himself from Konoha (which, in canon, he really really can’t). This is part of the reason my canonverse fics end up being so long lmao. It takes so much development to get anywhere!!!

But yeah, I’ve done both and I think both can work. It’s a really interesting challenge to try to tackle, too. Right now I’m tackling more of them being out, travelling together in Two is a Crowd - I feel like I’ve being going that route a lot recently, but it does still involve exploring Sasuke’s relationship with Konoha a lot. Especially because Naruto tends to be the Hokage, or getting ready to be, etc etc. It’s pretty hard to try and write Sasuke healing without dealing with the absolute hatred & fury he’s carrying around in some shape or form. And it’s not that much of a jump for the next step to be him being able to go there as part of the healing process, and maybe he's just thrown in head first by being imprisoned and is forced to confront his hatred all at once - that could happen. It'd be a really intense bit of time for him and probably involve a lot of breaking down, but if something could convince him to breathe for a little while and focus on the parts of his life that aren't bringing back trauma long enough to prove that Konoha is changing or something like that - yeah, I could see that. And you know, now that I think about it, I did start writing something like that years ago! It's in my notebook somewhere. It's basically just the start where Sasuke is absolutely furious & lashing out at everything hahaha. Can't blame him! I never finished it though. It'd be a much more intense & less peaceful sort of process for sure, but it could work.

This is a bit of a wishy-washy answer hahaha, but I'm a big believer in being able to make almost anything work with enough justification & development within the story. I think that's part of the fun. So something really tough, like making Sasuke okay enough with Konoha to happily live there, is totally a challenge I'd love to see tackled. Does that make sense? Does this all make sense? I'm rambling at you now.

But thank you for this, and thank you so much! I’m really glad you like my writing!! <3 <3 I hope this answered your question!

[yansimstorythatiwillnotworkon]

Hanako Yamada

Name: Hanako Yamada

Gender: Female

Class: 1-2

Club: N/A

Persona: Lovestruck (Social Butterfly)

Reputation:

Overall: +10

Liked: +60

Respected: 0

Feared: -30

Crush: Hazu Kashibuchi

Strength: Carries Pepper Spray

__

Hanako will NOT be portrayed as some sexualized minor with a brother complex in my story, and I like to think that that's because I'm a decent human being. Hanako was specifically very fun to draw because I like drawing happy characters and she's adorable.

But back to the important stuff. Hanako joins Akedemi to watch over her brother and make sure that his mental health doesn't absolutely deteriorate by trying to stop any incident that comes his way. I imagine that on the first day, she's nearly impossible to kill because Taro will be showing her around the school. On other days, she's constantly switching between socializing and checking on her brother, which might make her elimination difficult due to always being around people.

I'd like to think of a super hard task for her so it's worth it when you ask her to follow you or tell her to go away- if she even does, she may want to stay in Taro's general area. I don't think she'll leave if you threaten her because she'll just cry about it and go tell Taro, which might just be a general game over. More beneath the cut.

Some assume that Hazu was meant to be Mida's suitor (which is a horrible thought because he'd be way too anxious to say that he wouldn't want something like that), but I think that it's Toga simply because he's in her class. I'd rather Hazu be with Hanako, and I think that'd be beneficial for him because she's an extrovert and could teach him how to avoid negative social interactions more. As I stated above, Hanako will actively seek out his company, likely because she has a crush on him. I think it'd be interesting if we could get closer to a rival by treating her like the suitor and giving her the tips for winning over her crush.

Hanako may be labeled as an "unkillable rival" simply because of the toll it will take on Taro if she ever dies. Losing a childhood friend is one thing, and considering how much trauma he faces beforehand, losing his sister could break everything. If dangerous things happened before hand and Taro still ignored Hanako's worries, only for Hanako to get killed in the same environment that he's been in the whole time (and her ONLY being there for his wellbeing and safety), I think we could possibly have some sort of alternate nemesis on his hands. On a less depressing note, I think that Hanako will be clingy only when she's anxious. If she sees some blood on the floor, she'll run to Taro and tell him about it. Depending on the general atmosphere, he may decide to tell a teacher or leave the school, of course, with Hanako on his arm. If anything, seeing anything suspicious from a dangerous weapon to psychotic laughing could disturb Hanako's whole routine and cause her to stick by Taro for the rest of the day.

Another idea I had was having Hanako subtly follow people she finds suspicious, but only after seeing them do something strange. I don't mean for this to contradict my earlier statement. My goal is to make her follow Ayano. Only from a distance and only after she does something strange, like giggle for someone else's attention or tell someone to follow her or go away. Hanako might watch from a distance, but open doors that Ayano closes for the sake of being able to see. If she feels like she's being too weird, she might try to start a conversation with Ayano and question her. I think it's worth noting that anything that Hanako sees Ayano or someone else do, she'll refer to them to Taro by name. If the student or Ayano have a good reputation, it's unlikely that he'll believe that they mean any harm. Something else that could force Ayano to be peaceful in Hanako's week is to make it so if anyone dies or goes missing while she's present in the school, she'll force Taro to drop out for both of their safety. Unless you distract Hanako's anxieties with a love interest in Megami's week, she might do the same then, too. Maybe if Ayano befriends Hanako, Hanako will trust her enough to want Ayano to be around and possibly even protect him. But that would likely be adding some new complex function to the game. Lord knows the coding can't handle that. (🙄)

[cannibal-nightmares]

did you know may is mental health awareness month?

text under the read more: an unreality ramble about my dog. he is a good boy.

have a peaceful song -

where do I even begin

I guess I'll start with that I don't like talking about my delusions. there's some I want to talk about but can't because they're either scary and/or too confusing in that theyre too real. or im "not allowed" to. but this one exists in a neutral space, so a neutral story this will be

I only got him when he was 1½ years old and he was kenneled at the shelter w another dog identical to him, but if he wasn't someone's service/emotional support animal, then he must have been in a past life. or he has a human consciousness. or something. my friends joke about the latter often but I'll get there in a second. the way he responds to my emotions and actions is uncanny. he is a rather quiet dog, but if he notices me freeze up and go quiet to an uncharacteristic degree, he will very blatantly try to get my attention. if I lie on the floor from anxiety, he will lie on my legs; if I lie on the floor in being depressed, he will get in my face. he's intervened self harm (namely hitting, but, if he's alert, he's interrupted trichotillomania episodes). The thing is, idk where he gets it from. I didn't train him to do any of these things

my friends joke that's he's "just a dude." "a man in a dog's body" etc. it *is* a funny joke. he likes people more than other dogs; his eye contact is oddly human-like (ask my friends). it *is* a funny joke, and the following isn't directly related, but I do have great fears about him. some of which the noise isn't going to let me say outloud here but. what I can: sometimes I fear it's true--an organic thought outside of what my friends have said, the two ideas don't feel the same--or perhaps that he was someone in a past life. or is a positive-neutral force sent to look after me. idk. it's hard to explain why while it would be/is theoretically positive, how it is still unnerving. and how it feels like something will change in one direction or another when I post this. I digress. He's just a guy. I have bigger fears on it, but that's the simple of it.

A coworker asked and suggested why I don't get a service dog. at first, I considered the question as courteous, but then realized... I struggle to walk my current dog, if I am honest. I do it, I take him out every day, etc, but as much as I got a dog to help me w paranoia, it has not curbed it. in ways, in ways, it has made it worse. countless of times I have tried to walk him around the block, made it halfway, and turned around due to feeling like a force was watching me, like something was waiting around the corner, like there were traps ahead, and many other more specific and pertinent things I am not allowed to say here (plus it'd be safer if I didnt). taking him outside is like flipping on a geiger counter to gauge the state of the day. I feel really bad for him in this. I can't imagine trying to get a proper service animal in these regards.

My friends like to joke that he's some sort of bending entity in that he's just shaped funny. I mean, he is. His legs are goofy-long, his nose is angled funny off of his snout, his ears are huge. Etc. But--again, separate from what they've said--sometimes I look at him and he doesn't feel real. It's difficult to explain. I look at him and it's like I'm missing something. Like how you can't reach into a tv and grab what's on the screen. idk.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because... As much as I am sometimes scared he isn't real to some degree, I consider that, even if he isn't, I think he's worth "wasting time" on. I love him, he's a good little guy, and so far, at least, everyone is pretending along. Sometimes I pick him up and feel like a question mark is above my head hahaha. Like I'm missing something. But he's worth my time. He's worth my time in the same way daydreaming can be fun. I don't know how to fckng word this. He is good. Real or not, he is good. I can't imagine trying to "prove" his "realness," and I also don't know how. I don't mind devoting time to him, real or not, because he is good. agh. I hope this makes sense. I've been sitting on these thoughts for at least three years now.

[pangolin-404]

Im honestly really worried for ranboo. Most people that get this big on the internet either get desensitized to stuff and become a bit of an asshole (or a full asshole) or get destroyed because of how much they care. Ranboo seems to be heading towards the second category and I wish for them to be okay

[post]

I really have no idea where I see Ranboo going from here. There are plenty of big creators who do good (Jacksepticeye's Thankmas, MCC charity events) and to me, the Particles for Palestine event was like that. A big creator utilizing their platform to raise awareness and charity. I... genuinely I don't see how people are so upset with Ranboo over . what? Not doing more? Not coming out with in-depth, nuanced reactions to global events? When they probably knew as much as you or I did.

Yes he broke promises, he is not a guiltless victim; he kept playing TLOU2 even after told of its inspiration, he didn't do as much charity as he said he would, and it's good he's acknowledging that, but this visceral reaction to him runs deeper than that, it looks like? I feel like he should stop raising peoples' expectations and over-promising; he's one guy, he's young.

I know it's probably mostly in Twitter--in the Tumblr tags, the worst I saw was a couple people calling them spineless (sorry Ranboo, but good lird, he is a little bit spineless for not telling people to stop idolizing him). But I can't wrap my head around the logic behind people going after his ankles.

Now, I personally can't think of anyone fitting the "get destroyed" option you claim has happened, Anon. So I'll be honest I think it's a little bit overdramatic, but I agree with you in that I'm also worried for Ranboo.

I worry that a whole nonprofit will be too much for them. That is a whole organization, and even if they have others working with them, that is a lifelong commitment. This is something he cannot back out of (or he will be making another empty promise) or give to someone else to handle (he said he would be active in it).

Ranboo has Generation Loss/Chronicle 0, White Noise, The Sorry Boys (if that still exists. please it's been months,), his usual streams and YouTube videos, and his own personal life and self to tend to. Genuinely, I worry a whole entire nonprofit organization that intends to address very heavy topics will break the camel's back. I don't know what that will look like, but I doubt it'd be great for his mental health and anxiety (and I worry talking too much about that, lest I get parasocial, if I haven't already!).

(I'll be honest, I don't expect the organization to go anywhere past its first few months of existence; if it does, it will be without their major role in it, or they'd be stretched too thin. I feel bad for saying that.)

All due respect to him, of course, but he is a variety gamer on twitch dot teevee, and I do not understand why people demand more and more charity and apology from him when his job is to play video games and make people laugh.

I get why people want him to state his stances, to be assured he supports Palestine. To be vocal about a tragedy happening. I get why people expect a charity stream during pride month, or an eventual donation to somewhere to help during a disaster. What I do not understand is how this isn't enough for some people.

to quote something I said when talking to a friend about this: I think he should tweet "yall need to respect me as a regular everyday person and stop seeing me as a paragon" and delete twitter and turn off the internet in his house

[manyfandomocs]

I mean I just have to ask now, any ideas or headcanons or vibes or anythings for crossovers with my new son Darcy? 🥺

Yes yes yes

Alessandra would be his favorite. He's flirting with her for sure but even beside that he just likes her more than Nate or Tripp

He's also very interested in Alia. I mean this is something that will be repeated with like, all your people but Darcy wants the princess of the Upper East Side

I need him and Audrey to have known each other already. London is not too far from France where it'd be ridiculous to think he'd know her

He'll party with Bex for sure for sure he's down

I don't know if Darcy will necessarily make Clara's mental health better but they will definitely be something together

Darcy says Erin can do better than Nate and hey, he thinks he's the best

Obviously he's gotta know Katrina. They both go with Nate and it's the only thing he can like about the States cause they can complain together

Also same with Leighton whether he knows about her dad or not doesn't matter he doesn't give a shit

Darcy would for sure know Michelle and he is ready to see her again in New York he wants to have fun and fuck around

Nolan...Darcy definitely wants. He wants to ruin the Golden Boy image a little bit and have fun and he will. He's hitting on him the second he sees him

Spoiled princesses with wild sides is what Darcy is into so he's also very interested in Odette and wants her

Rhys he also really wants to have fun with. He does not really use his money for good but he does also have an absent family so they can get that together

He likes Sawyer more than Nate. I can't tell you why but Darcy likes her a lot, with flirting and fun and encouraging her to go wild

[chrysanthemumpink]

I'm starting to feel like it doesn't really matter. It never matters. It's the same when we're fighting and the same when we're good.

I feel like I'm always alone, like I have no friends, and begging for anyone to talk to me. Which is crazy way for someone in a relationship to feel

Sidenote, once you're older than 25, it gets very difficult to make friends. It's almost like the world pushes for you to have the closest and most intimate relationship with your partner. And that you almost have to prioritize the romantic relationship over any other kinds of connections. So what ends up happening is that it's difficult to make friends with people because they have different priorities while most social events assume that you are with someone else...most likely a boo. Ironically, it's much easier to find a romantic or sexual partner than it is a long-term friendship

But back to me. I know I moved up here alone. I knew I would've have anyone when I got here. When I moved, I understood that there'd be no one there to just chat. Not even when I desperately needed it.

And I just wish that he would call me every day or every other day. Even more so, I wish he could see just how much I need that from him. I mean...I don't have anyone. Even though I'm in this relationship, I don't have anyone.

And honestly, I'm getting tired of feeling that way. Part of me thinks that I don't have too. It's a long shot but I can find someone else, right? Someone that won't make me feel like I'm alone, even when they are in the room.

Off topic, but I grew up heavily religious. I'm still a very spiritual person though I'm far from a fundamentalist. And it's been difficult lately...very difficult. I've struggled with mental health for a long time but it's getting to the point where I don't see myself making it to 30. I'm 27 & truthfully, 28 doesn't seem guaranteed. He doesnt know that. But if he ever, idk, considered that maybe theres a reason I ask for certain things, he would. And that maybe there's a reason I really struggle with the way he just doesn't seem to really care whether I exist or not.

Anyway, I've been fasting for a week now. Might as well try the spiritual route because not much else is working. He does not care much about the fast either but for a moment this isn't about him. I feel alone. And like there's nothing connecting me to the world. Frankly, the world doesn't seem too interested in connecting with me. Quite the opposite. So I did this fast to ask myself the following: "Can my spirit and will sustain me when the external world can't or just doesn't want too."

(On the flip side, that's also one of the reasons I try not to push too hard for affection. He can never know the truth. I would never do something like that to him.)

Idk, I figured fasting from external sustenance would ignite some version of internal sustenance. The first 3 days were 18 hours. These last 2 days have been 24 hour fasts. It was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be. I had no idea that *not eating* can cause vomiting.

But the fast is over in 2 hours. I did it. I managed to rely fully on my spirituality and my own self. And now, he just looks so small in comparison. My disappointment in his lack of effort far outweighs any of the appreciation I have for the effort that does exist.

And I know I'm being harsh. He's not in the states right now. He has an app just to talk to me. He's busy and he wouldn't respond to anything if he didn't care. I tell him to send me pictures and he does. But...it's so unsatisfying. 2 messages a day at most. None of it is a conversation. I know he gets off at 9 and it'd be nice if he would call...at 9. Instead of a message, the a reply, that may or may not be answered. I'm not saying he doesn't have a reason to not be putting in effort. I just think it's a fairly reasonable for a partner to want/*need* a conversation every day when the other partner is literally in a foreign country. my issues aside, the least a partner can do is say they're still alive and how it's going.

I do see his point of view so I'll give it one last chance. When he comes back, I can try to make it work again. And I won't even tell him, lord knows he's too busy to deal with it. I'll just keep it to myself how much I don't want to deal with it anymore. And maybe he'll prove me wrong.

But right now, Ive become more assured in the things that will see me through whatever life lies ahead of me. And I see how little concern or difference our lives effect one another. And well, I just can't afford the feelings he inspires and I can't help but fantasize about what it'd be like to do something crazy like hug 8 times a day

[mahalshairyballs]

Marc analysis

I think I've never seen that many layers to the trope 'Someone suddenly disappeared from their SO life for what they say is their own good"

Let's count them

1) Protecting Layla from Harrow - I think that one was just the first excuse Marc gave to Steven, so he wouldn't show her the scarab. Although, even if they went on countless adventures together and Marc knows she can handle herself, I don't think he'd survive having her death on his shoulders.

2) Protecting Layla from Khonshu. It's true that at the end of the day Khonshu couldn't have taken her as his avatar without her consent and she was able to make her own decisions. But this brings us back to the Marc who sees himself as a protector. Not only with Steven, not only as Moon Knight, but with her too. We all know how this lil' shit bird is manipulative. In that scenario it's as if Marc was in an abusive relationship with Khonshu and experienced how 'he truly was' and sees Khonshu flirting with Layla and only showing her his good side. Marc knows she might not be able to make an informed decision about it until it's too late. So he didn't want to take the chance.

3) He was never able to tell her about her father. He probably honestly wanted to at the beginning, but he was terrified. He blamed himself for failing to save them too. So here it was 'he did an Ikaris with Sersei in Eternals'. He probably also knew that the more he waited, the worst it would get if she learned about it. At some point he might have decided to just not even try to push himself to tell her anymore.

4) He had a harder time controlling the switches. Layla didn't know about Steven, and he didn't want her to know about him because that would open a can of worms he wasn't ready - and probably would never be ready - to open with her. She might have asked how Steven came to be....

Steven was also taking more and more space in his life and they would have had to juggle with it. And as we saw he doesn't have a high view of himself or his mental health/state so I don't even think Marc thought it'd be feasible. Maybe he didn't think she would've accepted it or accommodated it, even if she'd shown him before that she was understanding of his mental health.

This is also connects a lot with

- > reason 5) self-sabotage from self hatred

And finally

6) he wanted to 'kill himself'

Or a DID version of it: go dormant indefinitely and let Steven take over until their deaths. If it hadn't been for Khonshu knocking at their door with ''hey little punk you haven't finished the mission I gave you!'' that's what would've happened.

Marc came back to front *only* to finish his last mission, the debt he owed Khonshu. He thought that after that Khonshu would leave them alone and he could just disappear back into their mind.

I think he went back to the USA for his mom's Shiva. Tried to go at least, for his dad. And then Steven took over for an indefinite amount of time. And when Marc fronted again, he just never went back to his home with Layla, never contacted her again. He was just doing Khonshu's mission and leaving everything else to Steven.

So in the series we see Marc just be, for the first time in two months.

I usually hate this trope of ghosting your SO instead of communicating and facing it together.

But here, for the first time I can remember, it doesn't feel forced, or empty, or frustrating.

For one 1) It wasn't necessarily his fault, Marc had a very hard time fronting after his mother's death and Steven didn't know about Marc or anything in Marc's life. And Marc wanted to keep it that way. So he couldn't tell Steven to contact Layla

2) and as this meta showed, he also had *so many reasons* why he thought he'd be better letting her move on from him.

The divorce papers he sent her were his suicide note, she just didn't know that

[blackberry-gingham]

🎉 🧠 💖✨

Good Anakin, goooood.... You've come to wade through more of my word salad I see 🤲🏻😂 Thank you for the ask btw!!! You know I love to talk lmao

🎉 What does it take for you to consider a fic a success?

Tbh I grade my fics on a chapter by chapter basis, but basically if a chapter I post gets at least 10-15 notes from the time that I post it at night to the time that I wake up to check on it in the morning, I get encouraged that the fic is well received and thus, successful lol

Any engagement under that and I assume that either A) the fandom/audience is simply nonexistent (a very real possibility half the time lol) or, more rarely B) that what I wrote just want that great lol

🧠 here's a character, tell us a headcannon

Well I think you were supposed to name a character lol, but on the very possible chance that you intentionally left it open, I'll give you one that I haven't already told you yet lmao.

Here we go: I've come around to the idea that Nightcrawler cannot swim, tbh.

Not as in LITERALLY like physiologically cannot, of course (although I can't say I'd want to attempt it with the surface area of only two fingers and my palm to scoop my way through the water. It'd be like paddling a canoe with a strainer fkdkdk ) more so in that he just never had/took the opportunity to learn given his role in the circus, then straight to the monastery afterwards. And really, why would he anyway tbh, lol

Most of it comes from the fact that there is simply just no situation where you're going to "trap" him in a body of water, you know? Maybe for a few seconds if he fell in or something he might freak out and start flailing around, treading water- but the second any further sense of self preservation kicks in, he'd almost certainly just panic-teleport himself to the nearest solid surface. No need for swimming at all

That, and if you're like me and like to also headcannon that his fur is more on the dense/wooly side, I think he knows himself well enough to understand how unnecessarily exhausting it would be trying to swim while you've basically got all the weight of a soaking wet quilt wrapped around you.

If you factor that in with his impressively low body fat and also the structure of his hands as stated above, he'd essentially need to work like three times as hard to 1) stay afloat and 2) actually go anywhere, as compared to an average weight/size human being and after all that and the rest, it's like- really. Why even bother to begin with, lol.

💖 what made you start writing?

Phew that last one was long, huh? I'll give a short answer for this one lol. I know I already answered my like full, og writing backstory, but my Tumblr writing origins was simply that I had gotten into the Beatles at the time and I wanted to create my own content as a result of my interest, and what better way then with my favorite talent? :D

Not too unlike my VERY beginning story tbh. Some things never change :)

✨ Complement your work lol

I feel like this is also the same thing as what I said last time lol, but I really like how my fics handle emotions and mental health.

That stuff is easy for me to write bc I'm just an emotionally/psychologically aware person, but it's also fun I think, both as a writer and a reader, just bc you don't really see fics that are trying to add legit and believable dimension to the character(s) they're writing about. Hell, sometimes you don't even see it done in canon lol. So it's nice to let the fandom experience that kind of stuff if they want it!

[razrbladekiss]

Tyrants | Chapter Three - Presage

WORD COUNT: 2.4k

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of Wendy’s drug use. Nothing explicitly *bad* goes on here, just some of the usual SOA shit is hinted at. :) Tig <3

MASTERLIST

Ninety degrees was horrendous. Ninety-six degrees saw Isla spiraling toward a fully-fledged mental breakdown, desperate to climb out of her own fucking flesh and melt into the parking lot outside of St. Thomas.

Seeing the Sons sporting leathers, hoodies, and long-sleeved shirts underneath their cuts made her skin crawl, too.

She'd thrown on the flounciest summer dress she owned, thin and wispy, and she was still roasting to death underneath the Californian sunshine.

It felt like they were living in the fucking ass-crack of hell.

Though, with their current state and Charming's infestation of ATF and other federal agents, hell wasn't too far off the mark.

"Thanks for the ride." Isla expressed her gratitude as she slid off of the back of Tig's bike, pulling the helmet away from loose blonde curls.

"No problem, baby--you good to get home, yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm meeting Gem here, so she'll take me back to T M in time to pick my car up," she confirmed, readjusting herself.

She couldn't risk Tig Trager getting an eyeful of her asscheeks today. Not again, anyway.

"Perfect. See 'ya later, beautiful." Isla leaned in for him to peck her cheek--which was habitual for the pair--and she did the same.

Her smile was wide. She was beaming. "Bye, Tiggy. I love you."

"Love you too, kid." He reciprocated the smile, squeezing her hand as she broke away and padded toward the steps, brushing her fingers through wind-tousled strands.

Things were, for the first time in about a week, finally looking up. Resuming a sense of normality, perhaps.

She and Trager had been on precarious terms since that day, and had been avoiding one another altogether. Which, for them, was strange.

Days went by without even so much as a word being uttered between the pair, no backhanded comments, or even sideways glances.

Usually, they'd be bickering like kids, arguing nonsensically until Clay or Chibs broke them apart--but it was all just their little bit of fun. Because they bounced off of one another.

They lauded the relationship they shared because, really, it was one of the strongest.

He'd been her official favorite since the very day that they met--he and Bobby were the two she liked to talk to whenever she felt that she couldn't confide in her father.

But the last few days were so fucking hard. She was struggling with the weight of all that she did, coupled with the stress of not being able to discern Tig's current feelings on her.

And after she'd lashed out, had bitched at him for no fucking reason, she was pretty certain that Tiggy didn't want to know anymore.

That was thrown out of the window this morning, however, when Isla's clutch blew out, and she needed a ride from the garage to the hospital to see Abel.

Of course Tig was there for her. He always would be.

"Hey." Isla spoke softly as she held the little blue bear close to her chest. "I stopped by the gift shop on the way up here--Jax said he's already got bears and balloons comin' outta his ass, so I thought what's one more?"

Gemma couldn't help but smile, gesturing for the blonde to sit with her opposite Abel's isolette.

"He'll love you for it," she joked, though she knew that she was appreciative. For her company more so the stuffed animal.

With their commitment to the club and the current battle against the ATF, Jax and Clay weren't as hands on as what they usually would've liked.

Of course, Teller was at that baby's side whenever he got the chance to break away from SAMCRO, but he wanted more. He wanted the satisfaction of knowing that his little boy was being provided with the best possible care at St. Thomas.

And he was. He absolutely was. But he needed to know--for his own peace of mind, he needed to see that. So, his mother was there every waking fucking moment, giving him that love he could only get from his Grandma.

"How's he doing?" Her query was braided around a whisper, worried she'd disturb Abel's peaceful rest. "Jax said he should be coming home soon."

Gemma simply affirmed with a nod, gazing affectionately at her grandson.

It was heartwarming to see so much love, so much adoration from a woman who had a reputation for being a fucking cunt--thus proving that Gemma's main priority was her family, and their health and happiness.

That, somehow, made Isla love her even more than what she already did.

It also made her a tad jealous of Jax and the fact that he still had his mother in his life.

"He's gettin' stronger and stronger everyday. Tara said he'll be set to leave Friday--"

"Tara?" Her brow lifted as she put the bear amongst the pile of gifts. "I thought she was a doctor, I didn't think she had anything to do with the babies?"

Gemma's smile faltered a little. "She's a pediatric surgeon. Been takin' care of Abel since the start."

"Oh."

Now, she would've known that if she'd taken the time to visit her best friend's kid since he was born. But she hadn't--she hadn't even considered taking a trip over to St. Thomas to check in on Jax's baby.

And it was for the simple fucking reason that she couldn't bear the thought of facing Wendy and having to be nice to her. Especially after what she fucking did to that poor little boy.

She subsequently landed her own flesh and blood in the hospital after shooting heroin while pregnant? And she wanted Jax to pardon her for it?

Isla wasn't a hateful person, she didn't care about what people did in their spare time because that was their time.

But the moment an innocent person was harmed due to the carelessness of others...That was when she felt a scathing animosity.

"She's good with him." Gemma stated bitterly, snapping Isla from her ire-fueled daydream. "Kills me to say it, but she's a gem. A real fuckin' star."

"I'd bet. She was always good with kids."

"Yeah?" Suddenly interested, the older woman crossed over her arms. "Who's kids?"

Finally, Isla took a seat beside her on top of plush blue leather.

"A few of the girls we were in high school with had kids pretty young and Tara was usually super keen to hold them, or just hang out at their places whenever we weren't at school. Or it could've just been the wannabe doctor in her, now that I think about it."

"She's pretty maternal," Isla hummed in agreement, "but I'm glad she and Jax never had kids when you were teenagers--I don't know how that would've looked for him."

Suddenly, she was staring at Gemma like she had two fucking heads.

"I don't trust her." She elaborated, drawing another confused glance from Isla. "She and Jax would have been a fucking disaster had she stayed--"

"And things worked out so much better with Wendy?" A little more vehemently than intended, the blonde asked.

Now Gemma was the one shooting dirty looks.

"Look, Gem, I'm just saying. Jax and Tara are history now, yeah? You don't have to trust her. Just thank her for what she's doing for your grandson because when he's outta this place, you won't need to worry about her."

"And you're so sure about that, huh?" Skeptically, she asked. Arms folded over. "You know what they're like--like two fucking magnets or something. They always find a way back to one another."

That line gutted her.

It hurt her--it was agonizing--but she wasn't sure why she was so beaten by it. Because it was the truth, wasn't it?

Tara and Jax were, at one point, the strongest couple she'd ever known, and when it fizzled out he was fucking broken. She hadn't seen him so downtrodden since JT had passed, and he was suddenly left without the strength and guidance of his father.

She was his everything. Isla was a fool to think he'd be able to see her back in Charming and not feel something for her. His first love.

"I think we should throw Abel a homecoming party on Friday--if he's coming home then, that is." Gemma shifted the topic of conversation, getting to her feet.

"Absolutely. I'll help."

"Yeah?" She asked a little doubtingly, reaching over to pick Abel up. "You don't have to--I know you work Friday's."

Isla waved her off, standing beside the brunette. "I do, but it's no bother. If everyone's gonna be there, then I wanna show my face too. Offer a helping hand of some sort."

"Alright, perfect," Gem stated softly, holding the baby close to her chest. "When we get back to T M, we can figure out what we need to get."

"Sounds like a plan--" Isla was cut off by a soft knocking at the door, irritating her a little bit because she'd only just gotten there and hated the idea of having to leave already.

She made a mental note to stop by a little earlier tomorrow.

"Hey, sorry to bother you--" Tara stopped herself when she needed her estranged friend, almost dropping the clipboard she was holding against her chest.

Isla Telford was the last fucking person she expected to see today.

"Hey," with a fake smile, she greeted.

The tension was palpable.

Gemma felt the irritation washing over her favorite of the duo, urging her to turn her attention back toward her grandson before she said anything to worsen the situation.

Because she would've.

"Uh, I've gotta run a few tests on Abel before we determine that he'll be ready to leave this week, if that's alright?" Tara gestured to Gemma, ignoring Isla's presence.

That stung a little bit.

"Yeah. It's fine." The response was blunt. Terse, to a point.

"Great."

Isla realized that she wasn't wanted in that space any longer. She grabbed her purse, turning toward the door. "I'll meet you outside."

"Yeah, alright," Gemma put the baby back into his crib, smiling at Isla. "You want my keys?"

"I'll wait on the steps--I'm gonna smoke--"

"Before you go," Tara cut in. She cleared her throat, trying to smile--but she just couldn't.

Telford sensed where it was going, however. There wasn't a reason for her to stop Isla in her tracks, in front of Gemma no less.

She wondered how long it'd take for it to be brought up.

"Thanks."

Gratitude genuinely swept over the doctor, letting Isla know she was truthful in her acknowledgment--or, was it more like a form of praise? Because Jax definitely told Tara what they both did for her, and she was astounded that the woman would even float the idea of helping out.

It was a strange notion. To know what she did--when she looked and acted like that--was fucking weird. And nobody would've believed her if she said that Isla helped to dispose of a dead body, which did make her laugh a little.

She knew how to hold, load, and fire a pistol, but she wasn't capable of committing the unspeakable the same way that Jax, or Chibs, or Clay were capable of it.

But she was slowly earning her title as 'Daughter of Sgt. At Arms/ Man of Mayhem.' And she wasn't sure how she liked that.

"You're welcome," she spoke plainly. "Hope everything is alright now, Tara."

"It is."

"Good." Her retort was immediate, laced with that same genuineness the other woman expressed. "You free this coming friday?"

Hesitantly, she nodded.

"If all goes to plan--and Abel is good to come home--we're gonna throw a little party for the boy," Gemma confirmed with a nod. "You wanna swing by? Everyone'll be there--Donna, Ope, their kids, Wendy, the rest of the Sons. You should come. It'll be nice for everyone to see 'ya again."

Wendy's name falling from those pink lips, in such a positive light, maimed Isla. She and Jax were starting to get along a little bit better now, but she was still wary of that woman.

"Yeah. It'll be great," the older woman added.

Tara felt cornered. She knew that she wasn't really wanted, and she also knew that was a way for Isla and her menopausal best friend--old enough to be her fuckin' mom--to keep the doctor as close as possible without explicitly saying that they wanted to keep an eye on her.

"Sure. I'll stop by."

"Brilliant." Gemma conceded, slipping past the pair. "Address hasn't changed, sweetheart."

It was passive aggressive, sickly-sweet, and it was Gemma to a fucking T. The woman was loathing every second she had to spend with Tara Knowles and she wasn't even trying to hide it.

But it didn't have to be for very long, she thought.

"What was that all about? Why'd she thank you?" Gem queried as they got outside, passing the lighter to her left.

"For not breaking her fucking neck when I had the chance to all those years ago, probably."

Isla sparked her cigarette, pacing alongside her as they headed toward the car.

"That's bullshit."

"How so?"

"Just is." She could read Chibs's little girl like a fucking book. "But I won't press--if it's something between you and Tara, I don't care to hear. Just lemme know if it goes south. I can put a bullet in her for you, baby."

Isla would've laughed had she not known that Gemma was deadly fucking serious about blowing Tara's brains out.

But it was a relief. For her to give it up just like that--uncharacteristically so--was a kind of relief that she never thought she'd feel from Gemma Teller.

She was used to being protected. Used to being viewed as the one that needed to be shielded from the horrors that shrouded the Sons. But Isla wasn't innocent, nor was she fucking stupid.

The security was appreciated, however. Because, lately, things just didn't seem to be going too great for her.

And, if she'd learned anything, they'd only worsen from here on out.

"You don't have to go full mama bear mode, Gem. I'm a big girl."

She laughed, turning to face Isla.

"I know," smoke blew from her nose, "but you've gotta protect the ones you wanna keep close, y'know? The ones you love."

The tip of Gemma's boot pulverized her cigarette into the sidewalk as she fished for the car keys, avoiding eye contact all together.

"I haven't been able to protect everyone I've wanted to from the shit that goes on in this town, honey, but I'm really tryin'. And I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you or my boy."

[icaruskeyartist]

Hey like I get that you're caught kinda in the middle of an awful discourse situation. But it's not super appropriate to make statements about how strangers should care for their own mental health? To be very clear here I agree it's absolutely fucked to use suicidality as manipulation. I think you have a spot-on analysis of the *actions/statements* that have been been presented. But like. It's just straight up never appropriate to make judgments regarding whether a space is harmful to someone, or that they should disconnect from a certain online space and prioritize irl supports they may or may not be able to actually rely on. Especially when that person is someone you followed online for just a few months and for whom you have not (afaik) previously offered mental health support. I would hate someone to make such presumptions about me, even (or maybe especially!) if I were actively in crisis. Speculation about other people's brains is. Not it.

I'd normally agree with you, and I try to abstain from making snap judgements. I probably shouldn't be as adamant as I am being but I have to admit I'm incredibly biased here and that's because what I'm seeing morg do here is exactly what I was doing to Sam for years.

And a lot of it had to do with tumblr actually. Specifically the roleplay community.

Morg has stated he is getting suicide baiting asks, and he claims he gets physically worked up over what people are saying. Reading suicide baiting when someone is actively suicidal is... unhealthy. We know most suicide attempts are very spur of the moment, so having your ideations validated through people online isn't good.

I don't know morg's irl situation. I know he has some sort of family situation who clearly care about him (ie his father taking away the booze and pills), and I know that he has some sort of physician for his physical ailments. He's also been inpatient for psychiatric care last month. So he does have people he could reach out to for guidance on getting irl resources, if he trusts them. I do not know if he does. I do know he's validated a lot of my fears of inpatient care when I followed him.

So, perhaps it'd be better to frame my concerns another way. Morg's liveblogging of his suicide attempt is actively hurtful to his followers and others. These are people who generally care about him, people who have no ability to help irl because they can't reach him. If I may copy/paste what I wrote back in February:

I understand he needs a place to be able to vent, but perhaps creating a private blog for the worst of it so he doesn't drag his followers through that may be better. Or a journal. Something. Because what he's doing now isn't good for anyone. Not for himself, and not for the vulnerable people who are terrified when he starts making posts like that.

So, yeah I guess tldr you're basically correct? It's wrong of me to assume so much, though I'm trying very hard not to and mention there's online resources available to connect to groups. But I'm also very, very biased right now as the behavior he's displaying at large is basically the same behavior I portrayed over and over again until I alienated everyone I liked and broke my best friend.

[rosesastrology]

What careers/jobs would be good for me? I’ve always dreamt of being famous for music, but my depression & mental health struggles in general made me nearly completely stop practicing my craft for a few years now. I finally started getting help back in 2017, but I still struggle, of course. I’ve been pretty slow in getting back into playing music. Not to mention I’m very self-critical. I’ve also fantasized about being an actor as well. I enjoy photography and drawing but mostly just as hobbies. I guess I’m very into the arts, probably makes sense with my Pisces Midheaven. I currently work as a server in the dining industry but strongly dislike it and am likely quitting soon and moving onto a different field. Also, I don’t expect things to happen immediately, but I’m also curious when I will start/when would be a good time to start *seriously* pursuing the career more suited for me (after I figure things out and/or finish these part-time jobs I’ve been taking), if you can answer that as well. November 17, 9:44am, West Covina California USA.

Hi! Thanks for being so thorough, I appreciate it a lot. You can learn to be less self-critical, give yourself time :) I put the analysis down below, I hope it's coherent and lmk how things go💞

The ascendant is in 7°31 Capricorn, ruled by Saturn. You also get the moon. Venus, natural indicator of the arts, is conjunct the ascendant.

Saturn is in 6°2 Aquarius and domicile, it's in the 1st house and in its own triplicity. This also seems to tell me you're hard on yourself, heh.

Moon is exalted in 7°45 Taurus and in the 4th house. It's also in its own triplicity.

The MC is ruled by Venus.

Venus is in Capricorn, in the 1st house and in its own triplicity.

The minor malefic, Mars, is well-dignified in the 10th house.

Mercury is peregrine and thus afflicting the 10th house.

Honestly I'm getting the sense that you'd love and be good at a career in the arts, even though I see that it'd be a toll on your mental health (moon received by Venus, but Venus is in the detriment of the moon) it would still be extremely fulfilling to you as a person (Saturn receives Venus). I don't think mentally active work (Mercury) is something that would be very entertaining to you or your forte, I think creating something (Venus) in an active position (Mars) is more suited to your strengths.

Venus would represent your future career, as that's what you're asking about rather than your current career. I think you'd love something that's creative, yet practical, and where you can be 'active' at the same time. You enjoy taking on a lot to feel fulfilled, and this can make you burn out fast so beware of that. Also know that negative emotions put a damper on your motivation, sounds logical but it's something we easily forget. You can't discipline your way through mental health issues in order to become motivated, you have to deal with the mental health side in order to be motivated (motivated is our default state, generally negative emotions or events are a plug).

The moon is applying with Venus in 3°, likely showing 3 years (fixed sign, angular house). Which is probably when you'll have time to focus more on your passion for arts and crafts and perhaps try selling some stuff online, maybe starting a YouTube channel or starting to stream. I see you'll really focus on your mental health soon (Saturn square moon), which will take a while and have some issues. But I believe in you.

I think you'd enjoy working from home, and definitely working independently (Venus in the 1st) perhaps with help from loved ones (moon in the 4th). Venus rules the arts, but also entertainment business and fun in general (also sex, but y'know), so anything in those areas would be recommended in the long run. As long as you can be creative, really, even if it's in a more practical sense.

Relevant fixed stars: MC conjunct Al Birdhaun (pack-horse)

[ssaalexblake]

Watching 12's first few episodes, seeing how stunningly early the narrative of his suicidal ideation was started has kind of made me recontextualise the narrative of 13's mental health? Especially in s12, but more peripherally involving s11 too.

The specific narrative of choosing to give the doctor a group of friends whom are genuinely doing a good job in how they interact with her in the state she's in in s12 (like, don't @ me here, the reason they had no luck was because 13 was not willing to accept their help. You can't truly help somebody unless they let you, they did everything right) and then how they contrasted it with that the master (even if we didn't know about it till the very end) who was actively attempting to drive her to suicide the whole season.

In Spyfall part 2, 13 tells Ada and Noor that she has a problem with the Master wanting to kill her because, yeah... She'd like to Not die, thank you. It's kind of a joke, but it's also Not, really. 12 didn't suddenly wake up one morning with the feeling he'd rather not do that living thing again, the signs of his suidical ideation were Right There in Deep Breath... Every reason he gives Mr. Mechanical Man for why him staying alive is a useless idea applies equally to 12.

12 fought a long fight and he still only regenerated out of a last minute decision. And then 13.

She actually Wants to live. It's not a 'well... Might as well'. She Wants to live. She didn't want to die in Spyfall before the revalation, but at that point she's mostly just angry, she is then tested beyond anything anybody could cope with and by the time she makes it to the tardis in the timeless children, sending the humans away... She doesn't want to die, still.

She doesn't want to leave the fam, she doesn't want to blow the bomb, she doesn't want to make that cold and lonely walk to the matrix to the master, she wants to stay with the fam.

In this metaphor, the fam represent her urge to live and the urge to recover and the master represents the suicidal ideation. She doesn't Want to walk to her death, she only does because she thinks she has to. She wants to stay with the fam and Live, not to die with the master.

These are all Choices. The 12th doctor made his last minute, hail Mary choice to not die just to see what'd happen, i mean, Maybe it'd actually be Good? And that was the first step and after that it Did get better for the doctor... But then all that horror came back again. But the doctor reaffirmed their choice that they didn't want to die, over and over again even after being tested.

It wasn't Easy, no, but she made the choice to keep going again and again, because that's what you have to do. There are lots of reasons you could put to 13 not pressing the trigger in the timeless children, but i've always been fond of the simple 'she did not want to die' over anything else because i think it has the most narrative resonance.

From here, she's going to have to choose to keep living as The Doctor, it may not be choosing actively to die as an alternative, but she's going to have to keep the mantle of the doctor alive now, and not lose in in despair and trauma.

I actually kind of also think, if you want to take it less metaphorically here there's an argument for a kind of interpretation about the toxicity of our relationships in this arc, too. As the fam try their hardest to help her in her trauma in healthy and reasonable ways, it's juxtaposed with the doctor's very oldest friend trying his damned hardest to ruin her and see her (and himself) dead because He's hurt.

It's just. Interesting. I feel like 13's reluctance to die is a statement in regards to 12's arc. He wanted many things for his next regeneration, and she's honestly failing spectacularly on pretty much all counts, but she's also honouring the unspoken in that she's trying to Live in general... She was a last minute decision but it was still an active and conscious one, and That, at least, she honours.

12's last wish Wasn't really his speech to his future self, because his choice to regenerate was him making an active choice Against the suicidal ideation he's been carrying his whole life. It wasn't Passive for him like other regenerations that just happen because it was natural for them to, it was a Choice and that, That at least 13 continues to honour... Even if she can't quite manage the rest. She got the biggest part down.

[piratadelamor]

ok so, i just analyzed kageyama's birth chart! 

i made this out of pure entertainment, boredom and curiosity and i don't actually believe that astrology works on fictional characters (i even have my doubts that astrology defines one person's personality since i'm inclined to traditional astrology, but anyway, this is only for fun purposes aand it's very superficial and not supposed to be taken seriously as an astrology work!!) i'm also not the type of fan who knows every single detail about a character or who remembers every single appearances and lines so i probably won't go too deep into examples...

kageyama's official birth date is 22/12/1996 and he's from miyagi, okinawa. with this information only we can already identify most of his chart: he's a capricorn sun, capricorn mercury, sagittarius venus, virgo mars, capricorn jupiter and aries saturn (i dont use neptune, uranus or pluto). being born on that day, he could either be a taurus or a gemini moon, and, of course, there's no information about the time he was born, so his ascendant is also a guess. i tried to find a solution based on the chart as a whole, and i think it makes a lot of sense!!

first thing i wanted to look for was a placement that talked about his sport skills. being sports a matter of the 5th house, it seemed clear to me that that's where his sun should be placed. the sun represents life. in one's chart, it talks about our ego, our conscious identity, and it's placement tells us where we shine, where we direct our creative life force. for mundane astrology the sun represents the authority of the state, the government - presidents, nobles, and kings. kageyama is called "the king of the court". to me there's no doubt that his sun should be at the 5th house - where he rules, where his light shines brighter, where his will to live is directed.

if so, considering the whole signs house system, we get a virgo ascendant (house I), and so on: libra (II), scorpio (III), sagittarius (IV), capricorn (V), aquarius (VI), pisces (VII), aries (VIII), taurus (IX), gemini (X), cancer (XI) and leo (XII).

it was also very convincing to me that this would also place his mars on the ascendant (virgo). being the 1st house the part of the chart that talks about our physical body, and mars talking about a person's vitality, people with mars on the ascendant or even opposite to it (VII) usually tend to push their physical body to its limit, being pretty driven to physical activities (we can clearly see that on the way kageyama and hinata always stay until very late practicing at the club, for example... kageyama’s often seen running on his free time too). it would also make a lot of sense considering his appearence (both physical and the impression he gives off) and the way he acts. mars is the planet of war. it is violence, action. people with mars on the ascendant can easily give off an intimidating appearence or presence. being a capricorn on top of that, there's no escape: that's the famous resting bitch face..... he's energetic, straightforward, competitive and independent. and that also explains the way he can become pretty agressive sometimes, mostly regarding his competitiveness and his desire to be on top. i also found it funny that while i was looking up for kageyama's birth date i came across a few descriptions of him talking about his "sharp glare", and sharp objects are also a matter of mars. about the placement on virgo, the ascendant also talks about how perfectionist he is, including his appearence (he's always filing his nails, for example, and he's never negligent about his health. actually he takes it very seriously), and mars in this sign, besides the already mentioned perfectionism, is also about being very goal-oriented and critical. it's also interesting, if we play a little with words, that virgo's symbology talks a lot about serving, and kageyama's position as a setter is about "serving" the best tosses to his teammates, besides being his serve one of his strongest weapons.

on 22/12/1996, there were 2 times when the ascendant was in virgo: around midnight and around 10pm - 11pm. but the problem is, around midnight his moon would be taurus; around 10pm his moon would be gemini. once again, the placement of the moon made my mind. for a taurus moon, it'd be placed on the 9th house. a gemini would be placed on the 10th. i'd go for a gemini moon. you could doubt that, knowing that kageyama isn't very good with words, and having a virgo ascendant, which is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication and also the ruler of gemini, could be a little off. but it's not true that all geminis are talkative and sociable like that (specially because there's not a single placement in a chart that can speak alone for a person's personality). i believe the moon in gemini fits the way kageyama mentally deals with what he loves. he keeps a fucking volleyball journal!!! and while he's playing, he's always thinking and observing every minimal detail. his mental work is impressive. no wonder he's a genius. he might not have the best way with words (and this is about the way he's not good at dealing with emotions, which a gemini moon really might not be) but he can read his teammates very well and adapt to them perfectly. this is all gemini. speaking of mercury, a mercury in capricorn isn't very good at being sensitive with words either. they also have an authoritarian way of speaking and can be quite judgemental and impatient (specially if someone doesn't get something obvious to them). with mars in virgo, moon in gemini and mercury in capricorn, i guess we get a pretty close picture on kageyama's temper and communication skills.

i thought a lot about it's placement on the 10th house as well. the 10th house, being the highest spot of one's chart, is not only the house of career and success, but of our public image too. a moon in the 10th talks about an emotional need for public recognition and an emotional energy directed to the career. this is a very important placement for him, being his moon not only in the 10th but also conjunct midheaven, which means, literally at the highest spot of his birth chart. kageyama knows he's good and he wants to be the best at what he loves the most. he wants to be on top. and that's what he's passionate about. the moon also talks about our early childhood, which is when tobio's passion for volleyball began: the events of his childhood defined the path of life he chose to follow. but he also learns that that's not something he'd conquer alone. and it makes so much sense to be gemini. after all, gemini's symbol is the twins. not even the moon shines by herself alone. considering how kageyama learned this lesson, it seems like such a beautiful placement for his chart. that's something he had to understand in order to grow and get better and reach the position he achieved.

about his venus, the planet of love and relationships, in sagittarius, it brought me to his relationship with hinata (speaking as friends/teammates/rivals/whatever you want tbh). when venus is in sagittarius, a relationship is a place to experiment and grow. sagittarius is ruled by jupiter, the planet of expansion. a sagittarius venus will want you to take them beyond, to expand their horizons. that's exactly what hinata did to kageyama since the very beginning. "when you get stronger, you will definitely meet someone even better". hinata's always pushing kageyama beyond and that's why they get so connected to each other. hinata always surprises him, their relationship/partnership is never dull, but exciting, impredictable. it's fire burning.

i'm not going too deep into analyzing jupiter and saturn, and i'm not very good at analyzing aspects, but since kageyama's such a capricorn (sun, mercury and jupiter - like me! heheh) there was no way i could look away from his saturn in aries: after all, saturn rules capricorn, and his saturn squares his sun (a hard aspect). (btw, i found out that the kanji for “kageyama” means “shadowed mountain”, which is SUCH a saturnine name?? both shadows and mountains can be related to this planet) doing a little research, i found some interesting things about this placement. about saturn in aries: "Stifling your normal and healthy, more aggressive, competitive, or self-centered qualities can be detrimental to you, possibly causing headaches. You don’t like showing weakness. (...) You fear your own feelings of inadequacy. (...) You need to be careful not to limit yourself too much due to fear of failure or fear of making a poor decision. (...) You are highly resourceful. Your ability to start fresh helps you achieve your goals". like... that was really on point i guess. i think we could relate this to his development, as he began to adapt to the karasuno spikers due to a fear of repeating what happened during middle school. saturn is the planet that talks about fears and limits, and when it squares his sun, his position of "king of the court", this is what happens: he feels limited on the way he plays, on his true nature. and by limiting that, by denying his true nature, he was limiting his space to grow. there's a really good post i came across very recently on this matter, so i'm leaving this here.

i believe this aspect would be crucial to understanding his position as the "king". saturn in aries is the dispositor of his sun in capricorn. that means, the way his sun in capricorn "behaves" is modified by his position of saturn. aries is a self-centered, hot-tempered sign with needs of control, and that defines the type of role his sun plays as the "king". of course, this relates to an especific episode of kageyama's life, but it's a crucial episode, a truly turning point of his life - like most saturn related events. to add one more detail, the sun rules his 12th house (leo), and one of the 12th house's themes is isolation - what kageyama got in middle school by acting like a "dictator king" and what he feared the most that would happen again.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

ill cool off eventually, shit is just intensely feeling rn, and once I move on, it's all good fam.

I might do a movie night with Cam if he's off of work. He's a good buddy, I think it's his turn to choose a film. (Men suck at choosing movies, but hey. Still, positive and silent company is better than none.)

Just... lord. Blaze REALLY fucked up, if he can get me like a million (very lovely, im grateful) items, give me my favorite food, a fuckton of desserts, and STILL have me like "I don't want to be with you anymore", or even hate him.

Me? Of all people? Hating someone to this fucking extent? Fucks sake.

It's more a strong feeling of disgust and betrayal.

But I'm not the idiot that was given multiple chances to be open, non-exclusive, casual, honest, and just not a freaking creep, and STILL fucked it up, and being super weird behind his girlfriend's back, despite knowing how she already was worried about me not being as interested or focused on her as I could possibly be.

Hell. No.

I'm the girl that met his family and got along with them, been on dates with him; just to have my fears confirmed. And was disrespected. And has every reason to feel repulsed by the guy. Jesus, fuck.

God, couldn't have just been non exclusive?????? It'd still be lame but at least slightly fucking less depressing for me, if I know "Okay, he's still hooked on Sara, despite her never orgasming with him and depriving him from attention. Some people like that, I know, been there done that. I'll just focus less on that, more on our hangouts, and otherwise about chasing a bag or millionaire or whatever."

Men are..... so dumb.

I think even when I felt strongly for someone else with another, it wasn't something I hid from a partner at all, and definitely was not exclusive with them.

....

5:02pm, Friday, August 7th of 2020.

Time to do my usual "how much do you hate this person" test, with the Train Station mental health exam. Lmfao.

The question of "If you saw this person trip a little too close to the edge, or standing on the train line, what would you do? Pull them to safety, push them, or let god handle whatevers next?"

My answer for Blaze, is......

I wouldn't push them.

It's not that serious of an issue to that extent.

I'm not in the state of mind where I'd rush to pull them, but probably when the train gets too close, I'd go, "Fuck, that's too fucking close, shit", and yank that nigga to safety. Then probably curse him out for not being careful, aaaaand then flood the train station with my damn tears from how scared shitless I was.

But..... yeah, I don't hate them, apparently.

If I did, I wouldn't have hugged him the other night. (And I kissed them, but that was purely out of accidental habit, and isn't the first time I've accidentally kissed someone.... or well, first time I fully did it. Last time I can recall, it was the first time me and P2 broke up, but then we had a makeup date, where we came to terms with our differences and left. But before I got out his car, I thought, "I really wanna kiss him. But I can't. So..." and just kissed his hand and left. It was awkward, but, still pleasant for him either way.)

5:56pm. Friday, August 7th of 2020.

I'm torn.

They've done terrible things. Coercing me and pressuring me thick about cumming inside during sex. Pressuring me into having sex with them before we had an established commitment and trust with eachother. And even then, clearly not being committed, since oh look; he was creeping on ol girl and trying to DM her behind my back. Broke up with me.

And oh look.

He refollowed that bitch.

God, he's just asking to be blocked, it seems like.

.....

The good doesn't seem to seem legitimate.

He got me pillows. He went around in Target hunting for which pillows were the softest, but firmest, and could hold and reshape at will, since he heard I had problems sleeping on my side, and how my neck cranes awkwardly and gives me hypertension all day.

He was squishing and fluffing every random pillow he could with PRECISION, as if he worked at a fluffing factory. But he did make a very nice choice....

When I got my hand stuck in a ring (attached to a box) in Target, he made sure to use both hands and help me pry those puppies off, as if I was a four year old stuck in a chinese finger trap gag toy.

And of course, him being a little *too* ecstatic to get me jewelry. I was gonna stop at like, maybe 9 pieces or so, I think. But apparently he gets just as excited as seeing me in pretty things as I do, (awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,) and kept holding things up like "This necklace with these earrings, or that? Or, you could wear these one day with the necklace and this with another. OOOOH, BLACK GEMS! These are purrrty! Get these! Wait, OOOOOOO, look at these ones. I know you like these ones, you wear this sorta rosey, peachy kinda pink a lot."

Ughhhhhhhhhhh so you're just gonna interrupt my silent treatment and go for the JUGULAR with my favorite types of jewelry??????? My god I hate you. (I really wanna fucking make out with him.)

I'm still really disgusted at him.

Just..... "Well why WOULDN'T i be sexually attracted to her????" You fucking toolbag? You're gonna say that to your girlfriend's fucking face, you actual cunt? What a slag.

It's too much to fucking excuse.

He didn't even apologize.

Didn't bother.

Didn't try talking to me. Didn't do jack shit. That asshole just confirmed the end of the relationship, and refollowed her.

Ugh. Disgusting.

I hate how overly sweet they're pretending to be. It just feels false, in comparison to the things I've heard come out of his mouth.

Then it makes me wonder, was any of it real? Did he actually enjoy it? The sex, the talks, the cuddling, eating dinner and cooking for me, did he even really like me? Or, what?

I can't think about this anymore. He liked me, but if a guy is still in the "im exclusive but i dont know if this could ever head anywhere" stage a month in, and simultaneously instagram creeping another bitch.......... its too obvious of a sign to ignore.

He was still a great guy, though. But I mean, not to sound like a pickme or anything, but some dudes just aren't ready to be with the girls who want them.

He was too afraid of fucking up, too caught up on finally getting the validation and appreciation from the girl who ignores him and doesnt even understand him, all since he saw me do it. Its happened before, it'll fucking happen again.

.......

Plus, he did admit to having a "bored and ignored" kink.

Just...... ugh.

How did I handle previous breakups, hm?:

Zack 1 - Lots of crying, eventually left them cold turkey for good, glod up, temporarily ruined their life, moved on, then dated someone else. Since sure with Zack, similar happened. RIGHT as things went well for us for the first time in fucking YEARS, what did this nigga decide to do? Start trying to DM slide a bitch who ghosted him and leaves him on read. Despite having my fine ass, beautiful ass, sexy ass? And FINALLY having my trust, and interest in him?????? Was a twat when I left him, tried ruining my life, but not my problem. Plus at first I was like, "Aw darn, lost my rich ex boyfriend. He had such a nice family, and he was generous". Bada bing, bada boom, met a slightly less psychopathic guy who was also generous, treated me out, and ridiculously good at oral sex. A good change, honestly.

First ex - got hot. Got new interests. Learned about feminism, institutionalized racism, and more. Made lots of online friends who loved hearing about my life. Felt amazing.

Zack 2 - went insane..... then eventually got really hot yet again, saw the heavens by Adrian, and eventually found someone else to get all dickmatized over.

Marco - got a job, and I think I fucked Zack 2 by then. Marco is..... just eh.

Patrick 1 - got sad for a long time, but then got really really hot, met someone new.

Patrick 2 - lost my mind, then got really hot and fucked someone new.

Juan Carlos - got really depressed, extreme downward spiral, got really hot, tried to not rush dating someone new and failed then fucked.

12:05am.

I told Blaze to kill himself.

Bad words leave the mouths of scorned women.

I lack a care for him.

24 hours of crying means I care very little about him right now.

I'm more interested in getting hot and fucking someone new.

And i made a new friend today. Their name is Max. They seem great. :)

[omglr]

totally a pro-life young asian woman in ohio, not a guy.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like abortion, and feminism.

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: are you pro choice or pro life?

You: choice

You: you?

Stranger: life

Stranger: and no i am not an old white man i am a young asian female

You: uhh.... ok

You: doubtful but ok

Stranger: yea just to get that out of the way

Stranger: 50 percent of women are pro life and 50 percent of men are pro life

You: yeah, i doubt that is an accurate stat

Stranger: oh really?

Stranger: roughly**

Stranger: roughly 50 percent

You: yeah, where would it come from?

You: world wide?

Stranger: in the US

Stranger: im only concerned with the US at the moment when it comes to abortion

You: what state do yo live in?

Stranger: ohio

You: i live in canada

Stranger: isnt canada pro choice

Stranger: all stages of pregnancy?

You: yeah, for the most part

Stranger: isnt it a law

You: i think only in emergencies for third trimester

You: and one province doesn't have any services for it, but its a small one

Stranger: well yea you had six months

You: yeah

You: i think it works well

Stranger: okay

Stranger: are you for abortion during all stages of pregnancy?

You: ehhhh, i think third trimester is pushing it, but i've never had to make that decision

Stranger: so why do you think abortion is okay during the other trimesters?

You: cause the fetus isn't developed enough to have thoughts or feelings, its more like a tumor than a newborn

Stranger: sure it doesnt have a heartbeat, but what about people with a pacemaker?

Stranger: during the second trimester the fetus can feel everything

You: what about the mother's though, they are the ones who have to carry the baby to term, that sucks for them if they don't want it

You: i don't care about the feelings of an unborn baby vs the feeling of someone i can talk to

Stranger: if they were being reckless, it is their fault. over 80 percent of abortions are done for convenience due to irresponsibility

You: yeah, well, women are punished for dudes recklessness too

You: which isn't fair

Stranger: less than one percent of abortions are done due to rape and incest

You: yeah, but 100% are due to men fucking women

Stranger: how do you know that? of course its due to women and men having sex! if two women fuck each other they cant get pregnant

You: yeah, but men aren't acting responsibly either and they don't get stigmatized like women

Stranger: still, why should we punish the fetus?

You: they should be getting vasectomies until they are ready for fatherhood

You: bringing a life into a world where it isn't wanted is far more cruel

Stranger: so you think it'd be better off dead?

Stranger: you cant take back a vasectomy

You: yeah, they are reversable

You: takes some microsurgery, but you can always freeze some sperm too

Stranger: why not just use a bloody condom for gods sake

You: yeah, condoms break

Stranger: when you have sex you have to accept the responsibility of the fact that you can get pregnant. it is still on them. they chose to have sex

You: mmmm well people could also use some better sex education in schools

Stranger: yea that too

Stranger: everyone needs to be educated on how to have safe sex

You: yeah, and their could be better programs to house people and feed them and help them raise a child

Stranger: yea and thats a good abortion alternative

You: but like, if a woman needs an abortion to keep her life on track i'll take her word for it

You: its real easy to get crushed by poverty

Stranger: and it would be their fault if they were being reckless...

You: meh, sex is like one of the few joys people can get though

Stranger: there are so many other joys aside from intercourse

You: and if the world was less cruel and the rich weren't hording wealth the sex folks have wouldn't be considered reckless

Stranger: what does that have to do with abortion???

You: its "reckless" cause they are super poor and can't afford children

You: but its not their fault they are super poor

Stranger: then dont have sex

Stranger: dont have sex

You: but why?

Stranger: why do you have to have sex?

You: cause it feels good? and it builds a bond with a partner, and its good exercise, and its good for your mental health

You: and its free

Stranger: there are other non-sexual, bond-building, loving things to do with your partner.

You: and orgasms are a gift from god

Stranger: if you dont have any form of birth control, dont have sex

You: yeah, but again, a lot of people don't have access to education or birth control and a lot of rich people are happy about that

You: its a rigged system

Stranger: they probably dont have access to education due to the irresponsibility of their parents

You: who were also poor

You: which is not a failure

Stranger: theyre probably poor because of their poor life choices

You: its a systematic problem

Stranger: how so?

You: because poor people can't just become rich

You: its incredibly hard to do that

Stranger: yea but theyre probably poor because of what theyve done to themselves

You: that's very ignorant

Stranger: capitalism exists and has lifted so many americans out of poverty

You: lol, capitalism thrives on poverty

You: its strips the wealth from the laborers and pulls it upwards to the exploiter class

Stranger: nearly 1 billion people have been lifted out of poverty thanks to capitalism

You: g2g

Stranger: and the free market

You have disconnected.

my girlfriend needed help so i had to go, but lol, i call bullshit on this "asian girl" only boring dudes drop the line "Free market"