#but I don't know what it is cuz it's just pointing at everything. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cesium-sheep · 11 months ago

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something feels very bad and it feels like it's in my brain but my body's been shutting down for days so it's probably that. no telling if it's a proportionate emotional response to a terrible experience or a neurological symptom of being Precariously Ill.

#cuz it feels like my brain Desperately Wants Something #but I don't know what it is cuz it's just pointing at everything.#it wants to make it wants gifts it wants attention it doesn't actually know it just wants Something #but. I've been awake for over an hour and I finished all my morning phone things but I'm still just laying here #cuz taking my meds and going to lay down on the couch instead sounds exhausting.#it's really stressful to be so sick you physically cannot articulate how sick you are anymore #especially since that makes it even harder to fix.#it wasn't as big a deal when arin was theoretically available to do little fill in tasks like giving me food and water #but now I'm home alone for big chunks of the day again #and it becomes immediately obvious once more that I need Serious Care.

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kumakuma-circus · 27 days ago

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one of my favorite persona things i've learned is that like. the "present" point in the timeline for p3d and p5d is at somepoint during p5. so elizabeth has to go back in time to grab sees. which, given shinjiro not being there (outside of dlc), means she specifically chose to go to a point in time before the p3 mc's death but after shinjiro's. extremely hilarious to me honestly-

#rambearling #persona 3 #p3 #persona 5 #p5 #persona 3 spoilers #kind of #side note but i really question the existence of p3d and p5d like #they're basically the same game? just with different characters #they have the other game's characters and songs as dlc-#everyone forgets everything at the end also?#which i mean i know that also applies to pq and pq2 #but p3d and p5d aren't even that good apparently-#what is the point. is it just cuz p4d sold well???#cuz i have a feeling that's not entirely because of the dancing part sdflkjsfdkfjdsjklsfdjkl-#i don't know it's just weird to me-#though also i saw someone say p3d implies yukamitsu's canon so it has that going for it ig #was a youtube comment that just said that and didn't elaborate though so #idk i haven't played p3d. and don't plan to #i don't even know if i'll play p4d yet either i'll probably just watch a playthrough-#wanna get the story but unlike arena i don't have that much interest in the gameplay-#my only rhythm game experience is rhythm heaven and i'm only good at that cuz my adhd made me memorize every game #i haven't played it in months and i still have most of them memorized-

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4ddi3addie2005 · 2 months ago

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Before I went to bed I saw the Youtube notif that TADC was going to Netflix and it INVADED my dreams so vividly I have not had such an episodic sequential serialized cohesive dream in months it was literally its own chapter its own short story

#I was Pomni it was literally Pomni POV #Caine had cooked up some sporty adventure and I was like Ummm...... no #So I found a glitch where I could hide in a technically out-of-bounds area #I had a theory that if I stayed super close to the ground I wouldn't be in the range of Caine's mod powers or whatever #Some random girl was w me I don't think she was important #Anyways I started thinking “This could hurt. When they leave #the map will not have to exist.”#I'd be crushed by the nonexistence of the area I'm in. When they come back I'll load in somewhere slightly different #and be stuck in the walls."#DIDN'T HAPPEN everything was OK #But at some point I was like man... sure is boring and scary. Sure wish my friends were here.#So I ended up finding them anyway LMAO #I told them what happened cuz they were obviously concerned and Caine got his feelings hurt???#Like. surprising moment of clarity. Everyone was shocked and uncomfortable.#Bro was like “I try so hard for U guys 🥺 I just don't get it. Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to stay home??”#Most everyone was like IDC UR OUR JAILER!! CRY ABT IT!! but me and Ragatha were coerced into pity...#Like yeah whatever. Sorry man. I'll be honest next time and not do things that could make me die. I think we were just caught off-guard.#Exchanging glances like “Wow... didn't know he could feel anything!” Like imagine if ur Furby just had an emotional outburst #and felt remorse abt it. WYD.#I think we held his hands or sum cuz all my dreams end like a Barbie movie #Episode ended and I was like Wow :) Great show #Sorta off-topic but the cafeteria today started playing very quiet carnival music for Hoco and I literally felt chills up my back cuz #I had been thinking abt Pommy all day...#I used to be enraptured by clown motif what happened #Did I throw it up #For the best...... for the best.

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keeps-ache · 10 months ago

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hm. i do not remember the screenshot being this big hfvsh

#wip #i like this one the best and also.. it might be the best one Lmaofhvs #[points] its the He #this is also very nearly the final product hvfhs #i'm just gonna colour them a bit and then leave it at that :)#(i'm doing an expression sheet again :3 :D)#i'm drawing each of these individually unlike how i did with the bl.s ones cuz his funkin Hair likes to catch me out hbvfsh #//anyway i've been working on this thing for nearly a week ???#'keeps why' i have been. writing #i do So enjoy infodumping about this project hvfhs #plusss putting it in a little booky means people don't have to be bothered with me looping back and over myself lol :>#i just dunno where i wanna put it lol #wattpad makes the most sense.. but also mm i dunno hfhsh #i haven't really used it in forever...#oh i should update it though fr fr #/also Geeeeez what is happening to my writing HFH #like one day i can't stop overusing the world 'occasionally' and then next i sound sort of obnoxious overusing synonyms and stuff lol #though you know what it Has gotten easier to just get stuff down (even when my brain is pretty much dead !!) when i just ignore everything #i forget about hfvhs :D #cuz i forget like every 15th word and it screws w/ the flow but if i do [this] with a similar word for later it's so good :DD #/also why can i Never remember the word Conscience lmao #that's a little bit of a funny one to always be losing hvfsh #//anywho... woo.... :33 #i'm gonna go do my stuff now... and prolly sneak a soda.... and if i do i'll prolly be back ranting because that's what caffeine does to me #Loll #have a very empty brain recently. it Has been full of lovey doveyness tho so not bad not bad hfvhs :D #okay bbbye now toooodles ciaaaoo see ya .u./

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purple-beans · 6 months ago

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Fuck.

#just #fuck everything really #i guess it all doesn't fucking matter #I guess all i did wasn't enough #i guess i can just get fucked cuz apparently the place that's offering me exactly what you say isn't offering me the right things #just let it all go to shit #I don't give a fuck #let it all collapse #i might as well just give up #I know I'm just upset but really that's all i want currently #just let everything collapse and stop caring #fuck de gemeente #fuck all of this #i just want to #sleep #close my eyes and let it all collapse without needing to care #there's no way this “different way” will do what they want but if this is what it's going to be #I give up #I'm not giving up yet i still feel like there's room to fight it #but really i just want to give up right now #just stop caring and let it all fall down #cuz it doesn't feel worth it #i dont know where I'm going with this I'm just sad and angry and upset and confused and tired and #i thought this was going well #i thought this was going to be the way forward #and i dont see how this other thing can possibly be #so #what's the damn point anymore

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naomiknight-17 · 3 months ago

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My brother said something the other day about how no-one could prove if the current anti-Israel boycotts are actually making an impact cuz there could be other reasons people aren't eating at McDonald's or whatever

But besides the fact that there are many articles easily find-able online saying that the companies are aware of and feeling the impact of such protests, and some are even making some changes, I needed to make a point to him about why I participate in boycotts whether they're successful or not

But my brother tends to get annoyed and stop listening whenever I talk real politics, so I tried to make a really simple analogy

Let's say there's a man outside our house, and he is just beating people to death with sticks. Not people from our neighborhood, but still, people. We can't call the cops to stop him, because they think he's doing a great job. And we can close the blinds and ignore him, but he's still there and we know it.

And he has a big pile of sticks, so when one breaks he can get another to beat the next person to death with

So one day you have to go outside and the man turns to you and says, "Hey. Can you pass me a stick?"

And maybe it doesn't matter if you do or not. Maybe someone else will give him a stick anyway, or he'll get one on his own, or he'll start punching people

But I don't want to give him a stick.

And maybe I can't stop him, but I at least don't want to help him

At this point my brother tried to make a joke (because that's what he always does in every conversation) and he said something like "What if you don't give him the stick and then he beats YOU to death"

And I was like, "That's a great point, actually, because the Yemeni wouldn't let weapons shipments through their waterways so Israel bombed them."

And the analogy was broken but. I hope I made my point

Maybe I don't have the power as an individual half a world away to stop a genocide. But I at least want to not contribute to it

#i don't want to put this in the main relevant tags because i don't want to attract the ire of certain folks on this site #iykwim #mod post #family stuff #and i know i am oversimplifying massively here but i just wanted to get a point across to my brother without getting too granular about it #because he was only gonna listen for so long #i guess i am posting this in case someone else has a family member who disparages them for participating in a boycott #and maybe this analogy might help a bit #i already feel really helpless in the face of what's going on in the world so tbh it really upset me when he implied #that the boycotts may not be doing anything. maybe starbucks profits are down cuz they suck and are expensive he says #i need to believe that it is doing something. i need to believe my actions are making some tiny miniscule difference #cuz i can't donate much. i can't go over there and help people. i can't evacuate them or heal their wounds or save their families #but i can at least avoid giving my money to some of the companies that are supporting their oppressors #i wish i could avoid giving money to everyone who supports israel but unfortunately #some companies own half of everything and i can't keep track #and also i'll get in trouble if i don't pay taxes #i am babbling now sorry. it's nearly 2 am. i'm gonna... leave this here

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kittlyns · 3 months ago

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One of my sweet younger clients made me cry today cuz she just broke up w her girlfriend and she started sobbing when she told me and I just couldn't handle it

#I've known this kid for like. 5 or 6 years now. she's basically my kid at this point #and this is the first time I've seen her cry. my heart just shattered.#I dropped everything and was like oh baby noooo I'm so sorry!! pulled her into a hug and she cried on my shoulder for a few minutes #I stood there and cried with her cuz I didn't know what else to do #I didn't want to say the wrong thing. cuz she's young and this will probably feel like the end of the world to her for a while #and I don't really have experience w that kinda thing cuz the only relationship I was ever in fucking sucked and I wanted it to end #so I just stood there and hugged her and tried to think of something I could say that would be comforting.#didn't come up with anything tho. just kept saying it would be okay and I was so sorry.#I'm emotionally drained now. I feel like I should've handled it better. done something more.#idk what. but I wish I could think of something.

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loverboybrightsideghost · 6 months ago

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thinking about my childhood fandoms. will promptly be exploding.

#thinking about the book of life again. WAUGH the book of life my absolute beloved <333333333 #that shit was the epitome of Story to me #and you know what it still is #it was everything #and ever after high too. i saw a post yesterday that reminded me how insane i was as a kid abt ever after high.#GHGGFSFSGSHDJS #i wanna watch maya and the three but im not sure #recently when ive tried to watch kids shows- even really good ones- ive found myself appreciating them #but not enjoying them as i know i would have when i was actually a child #bc now im more mature and now i like more complicated things so a lot of kids shows don't explore those things in detail or at all #so while i can appreciate that the show is good i can't really sink my teeth into it #i could when i was a kid cuz thats all i really had and was able to understand at that point #and i DID get really into them then. but idk. im scared i'll like it but won't love it.#:/#bluebird.txt #uf anyways. manolo save me diego luna save me #i wasn't even In those fandoms as a kid cuz no internet really but i was just as insane as things im in fandoms for now sooo

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aberooski · 6 months ago

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I love my gx winx au and I love that it's just bits and pieces of me being like oh that's fun and not having any semblance of lore or plot. It's purely contained to the character designs I've drawn for the girls.

#it will stay contained to art too it's not something I'd ever write #like I know absolutely nothing about this au of mine but I'm obsessed with it all the same #like I learn something new about it every time I've drawn something #I don't draw a lot for it yall have seen everything I've done and it's usually just a drawing of alexis cuz I love her design lol #but like I'm doing panels for it rn right? and like it's just coming together like the story of what's happening atm #and that's like the only story there actually is rn but it's just falling into place #so I can actually make something of substamce out of this tiny concept I had for a drawing I wanted to try because I had an itch and it grew #that doesn't really happen to me anymore like I haven't felt a spark like that since I wrote OUAD #nothing I've written since has felt the same #and like I said this isn't something I would write into a fic or anything it would just be too much but it's really everything to me rn #something I can come back to and dip my toe in whenever I really feel like I need a spark again and it just makes me happy #I grew up with 4kids winx club so another reason I'd never write anything for real is because I refuse to watch any other version #like I've tried I just can't do it my mind rejects any other version so I only know the universe to a point anyway and but that was my thin #it made me so happy as a kid and it still does now like those are my girls and they mean the world to me and being able to play #within that space with other characters I'm obsessed with and combine into something that miraculously works is amazing #I need to draw more stuff for this au I guess is my whole point #I need to see what other things can..... bloom....... (heh) within that space and what will just manifest before me #I need that something to make me feel that spark again because I don't want to lose it forever and I think I'm starting to find it again #life has just been knocking down over and over lately and it's destroyed so much of my mental state and honestly randomly deciding to try #and actually draw actual stuff for this au has been so healing. I almost feel lighter #it feels stupid amd silly to say but it's true #abby's just rambling don't mind her

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ifyougoillfollow · 2 years ago

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real talk tho i know there's exactly zero (0) chance of romantic erasermic ever being canon, but i'd just like to put it out there right now in no uncertain terms that if it ever somehow does happen i'm FUCKING suing