#but I do not want to subject the Normies to this. how dare anyone know I have more than one interest

[phannie-by-night]

The long distance relationship between me and all of my sideblogs

[sondepoch]

HC: MC breaks a bone!

Demons can’t break bones. Neither can angels. Nope, from head to toe, they’re pretty much indestructible. So imagine everyone’s utter shock when you break a bone, and they’re reminded of just how weak the human body really is.

Word Count: 5.2k

SFW + mild violence + mild description of broken bones 

Characters: All Brothers + All Undateables + Luke

MASTERLIST

Lucifer

Boi flips out

So it didn’t actually happen while he was around, which is why he has so much trouble understanding what happened

You tripped on the steps outside Majolish? And you fell the wrong way??? And somehow, that was enough for you to break your ankle?!?!?!

Poor baby, he has no idea how he’s going to relay the information to Diavolo

When Mammon and Asmo sheepishly enter his study to tell him what happened, they’re highkey terrified for their lives - but learning that you actually broke a bone has him so shook that he doesn’t even remember to punish them, and he’s instead rushing to your room to see the damage for himself

He sees Belphie napping on your stomach and sort of assumes that everything is okay, and that his brothers were making a big deal out of nothing

Then he gets closer and sees the horribly twisted angle your left foot is in

Suffice it to say, neither Mammon nor Asmo returned to their rooms fully unscathed that night

Overcomes his natural hatred of Solomon to call him and ask for—brace yourself—help, and when the mage offers to cast a spell that will revert your body to its prior state, Lucifer insists on doing it himself, no longer trusting anyone else with your all-too-fragile body

Relocates your room to the first floor of the house after all is said and done

Asks Diavolo to move all your classes such that you don’t need to climb any stairs

Refuses to believe you when you tried to insist that bones breaking is fairly common for humans

Becomes super overprotective

Insists on helping you with everything

“Lucifer, I can walk down the stairs myself, you know.”

“Yes, I’m sure you can” - he says with a straight face, refusing to let go of your hand as he takes you down the two-step elevation outside the House of Lamentation

(Bonus:) One day he catches you and Levi looking at parkour videos and from that moment and onward he refuses to let you out of sight for any longer than is absolutely necessary

(Bonus bonus:) Catches you doing "parkour" in your bedroom, jumping from Beel’s shoulders to the bed, and then it becomes a new house rule that you’re not allowed to climb onto Beel’s shoulders

Mammon

He was with you when it happened, and the second he heard the crack, he screamed

Honestly, the most high-pitched, shrill sound you’d ever heard

You were more scared of the noise coming out of Mammon’s mouth than the awkward way your pinky was dangling

Only when he was done screaming did the pain actually set in, and then you were hissing viciously in an attempt to distract yourself, trying your hardest to blink the tears from your eyes because Mammon already looked like he was about to cry, and the Devildom really didn’t need two blubbering messes in one day

The one saving grace for you both was the fact that Simeon was nearby, and he used his Celestial magic to heal you (you both begged him not to tell Lucifer, of course)

Baby becomes even more possessive over you afterwards

Still can’t get over how easily it happened

“Are ya sure?” Mammon asks whenever you casually tell him you’re about to do something. Doesn’t matter if you say you’re folding paper cranes or planning on jumping off the roof of the House of Lamentation, he’s lost pretty much all faith in your ability to do anything without your human body breaking in the process

Oddly enough, he becomes much more touchy with you

Needs you to “prove to him” that you’re not injured by squeezing his hand

And then he just doesn’t let go

Oh, you’re holding hands? What? Who said that? Wait, can you prove that you’re not injured and squeeze his hand again? It’s for safety purposes. For safety.

Occasionally, though, he really does have you move your pinky just to prove to him that there weren’t any lasting effects

Overprotectiveness increases by 500 points

Starts to hover around your room a lot more, awkwardly trying to help (really, he’s doing his best) but often doing things much worse than if you simply did them yourself

Gets into a fight with his brothers whenever one of them handles you too roughly

“Hey!” He shouts at pretty much anyone who touches you “Ya gonna hurt my human!”

Will drop anything and everything if he ever sees you trip to catch your fall

Legit, he was once holding Lucifer’s cup of coffee and out of the corner of his eye, he saw you jump to flop on the couch. Cue instant panic mode: he turned into his demon form and all - literally throwing the coffee on Lucifer as he ran forward to catch your body before the couch could break any of your bones

Yeah, he got into a lot of trouble that day

Leviathan

Has officially decided that he’s never going outside again

Ever.

It happened while you were both at one of Lord Diavolo’s parties - you were trying to maneuver the crowds in search of him, actually, and another demon tugged you close and tried to force you to dance. You fought back, of course, frowning as you escaped the demon’s hold, but apparently, they pulled you back and your wrist just snapped

God, he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the sound of your scream

The demon was punished severely, Diavolo made sure of that. But Levi didn’t care anymore - he just wanted to get you back home, safe and sound

In the following days, he never leaves your side

You have to switch to online classes, at least for as long as your wrist is healing, and Levi takes it upon himself to make sure that the assimilation process is as smooth as possible

You start taking all your classes together, remaining in the same room even if you don’t have the same subject

Homework is a little harder, since Levi usually finishes before you, but he waits for you to finish while he reads manga

Evenings are spent watching anime in his room and debating random topics (oh, and you both marathon the entirety of TSL a couple more times ;))

He even tries to let you get the video game experience, and he picks an RPG game for you both to play and lets you tell him what to do an how to move around, since your wrist is broken

It’s actually super fun because he knows where all the traps are and which ones you’ll like, so he subtly guides your character through the gameplay process to get the best possible experience, and you actually end up enjoying this more than playing solo

(As a joke, he once offers to let you play with him. As in, you use your nonbroken hand to control the left side of the controller and he controls the right side, but that turns out to be a hot mess and you both quickly abandon the idea)

Even after your wrist heals, the two of you continue to spend boatloads of time together

This boy even stops calling you “normie” at one point

Real subtle about it but he tries to convince you not to go back into society again. Like ever. 

“What if you get hurt again?” He asks when you tell him you’ve made plans with Asmo to go shopping

“Then we get to spend even more time together, all over again!”

Cue leviathan/blushingmess.exe

Satan

Probably the ONLY brother to have actually known that it’s possible for humans to break bones

Why?

He read about it in a book once

Still, that doesn’t stop him from visually flinching when he sees you writhing on the ground after being shoved into a bike rack by a lower-level demon, clutching your arm which is disfigured so awkwardly that the bone is popping out

His demon form manifests immediately, and he’s about to rip this demon to shreds when you desperately call out his name, and then he’s more preoccupied with helping you than he is with beating this demon to death

(Inwardly, though, he’s quite relieved that you stopped him from killing the demon immediately. Now, he’ll get to spend the next four millennia torturing the creature slowly, keeping it just an inch from death until he’s satisfied that the demon has paid for injuring you so severely. :))

Runs over to you immediately and pulls you onto his lap, quickly muttering an enchantment that will temporarily numb the pain

Proceeds to ask you whether you want him to use magic to forcefully heal you or if you want to heal the human way

Will respect your wishes 100% no matter which you choose

Throws himself into reading and studying human medicine as soon as the two of you get back to the House of Lamentation

By the end of the month, he’s an expert on human anatomy (and where human strength lies on a comparative figure to demon strength)

Takes it upon himself to watch out for you, threatening any demons who express behavior that isn’t excessively cautious

Starts walking with you and Mammon to and from school

Keep it lowkey, but the truth is that he doesn’t trust his brother to fully make sure that you’re safe so he takes it upon himself

Doesn’t really panic too much, he knows that you getting injured was more the demon’s fault than it was yours

Is actually very considerate of your feelings in all this

Consciously makes sure that he doesn’t treat you too differently, not wanting to make you feel like he thinks you’re weak. But he no longer trusts other demons around you, and after getting your permission, he casts an enchantment on you which prevents lower-level demons from touching you without your explicit consent

Smiles devilishly every single time one of them tries to shove you in the hallways of RAD and gets sent flying 30 meters backwards in response

Devilish smile intensifies when he finally gets around to kidnapping and torturing the demon who dared to push and injure you in the first place

Asmodeus

He’s worried about you for a good hour

Not to say he’s inconsiderate

No, he’s understandably concerned immediately after he sees you on crutches, and when you come home with a broken foot, he’s immediately hanging out with you and completely (read: barely) restraining himself from making flirtatious comments in case you’re still in pain

The second he realizes that you’re fine as long as you don’t apply pressure on it, a switch flips

Now that he knows that the fracture isn’t going to spread to the rest of your body and destroy you from the inside, he’s overwhelmed with how cute it is that you need his help to do basic stuff

And honestly, you kinda vibe with it

He’s the shortest brother, so you having to ask him for help to get things off the shelf because you can’t stand is a rarity, and he is living for it

He lives with six overlords of hell, so the feeling of someone asking (no matter how reluctant) him for help in simple stuff like climbing up or down the stairs is something he absolutely cherishes

The second he realizes how good it feels to do stuff for you, he’ll never stop

Will 100% put Mammon to shame in how frequently he starts hanging by your side

He thinks of everything even before you do, always making sure that when you guys sit down, you have everything you need to be occupied for hours: from water to nail polish to the latest gossip at RAD, this man will make it his life’s mission to be the perfect prince while you’re injured

Seriously spoils you

Even when you finally heal and get better, he doesn’t stop helping you

Actually has the nerve to start complaining when you try to do stuff on your own

“You’re going to hurt yourself! Let me do it for you!”

“Asmo, I’m microwaving popcorn”

It doesn’t matter if you shower him with 'thank yous’ or if you grunt in annoyance every time he sits down next to you with an item you were about to get up and look for, he knows you appreciate the things he’s doing and that’s all he needs

Effectively gives you the royal treatment, occasionally putting Barbatos to shame with how diligent he is in helping you out

It never stops, even months after you’ve made a full recovery

Then again, who are you to complain? ;)

Beelzebub

Suddenly becomes terrified of his own strength

He’s there as it happens, and the way your face immediately contorts in pain right before you bite your lip to stop yourself from screaming will really never stop haunting him

It doesn’t help that you get injured from something that would usually be considered child-safe in the Devildom - a small windup toy which your fingers had gotten stuck in before two of them snap completely

Man is by your side immediately

The pit in his stomach isn’t caused by hunger but by genuine fear as he watches Lucifer and Satan soothe you with magic

He wants to run over to you and wipe your tears away, but should he? How can that be a good idea? He’s easily 1000000000x stronger than that toy you were messing around with, and what if he accidentally hurts you?

He knew it was possible for him to kill you before, but now he realizes how easy it would be - so simple that he might not even realize it

Instantly steps back and begins avoiding physical contact with you, trying his hardest to be there for you emotionally but struggling because every time you ask him for cuddles, he awkwardly changes the subject and looks away

He only comes clean to you about his concerns after you get mad at him and plant yourself in his lap, wrapping your arms around his head angrily as you demand that he give you affection

“Beel,” You mutter, a light pout forming on your face. “The reason you’re strong isn’t just because you have the muscles, it’s because you have control. You’ve never hurt me before, and nothing you do will hurt me now, so stop being such a stubborn goof and hug me”

Cue very hesitant hug

But it’s a start, and he slowly becomes physically close to you once more

(Subtly tries to let you stay in charge, though. He’ll initiate hugs, but you’re the one to squeeze tightly, and he’ll simply follow your lead)

Decides that rather than being afraid of what his strength can do, he’s going to use it to his advantage - and he resolves to become even stronger so that if there’s ever anything that can cause you pain, he’ll be there by your side protecting you, whether it’s against a demon strong as Diavolo or another windup toy from Majolish

Gets into the habit of running his fingers over your hand after it’s done healing, checking for scars and making sure that you’re still completely healed

Slowly develops into handholding - and who is Beel to complain? If he’s holding your hand, he’s by your side, and if he’s by your side, he can better protect you, so there’s no problem there

Belphegor

Quietly blames himself

It apparently happened while you were alone, and you fell down the stairs in the House of Lamentation. But Belphie is 99.99% sure that you were only going up to see him, and if he had just been awake, this never would have happened

Not to mention, this was the second time he had caused you pain, and it wasn’t even intentional!

Boy can’t look you in the eyes properly after the incident

Starts forcing himself to stay awake and isolates himself in the attic

Only when Beel finally gets serious and asks him what’s wrong does he quietly confess his thoughts, and his twin is quick to relay the information back to you

Honestly, you’re lowkey relieved when you hear the reason 

You were beginning to think that Belphie was avoiding you because he had grown tired of your company, and the thought was sort beginning to break your heart

That doesn’t stop you from yelling at him for being inconsiderate 

“This is why you need to talk about your feelings, Belphie!”

“But— “

“No buts!”

Honestly, he’s kind of relieved to see you yell at him so animatedly despite the cast around your arm, it makes him realize that although you’re physically injured, you’re mentally fine

Is very hesitant about napping on you, especially since he knows that if he falls asleep and accidentally shifts into a position that hurts you, you won’t be strong enough to stop him

You flick his forehead and tell him to not to be stupid, insisting that he sleeps next to you like usual, and he very hesitantly leans on the shoulder of the opposite arm you injured

Becomes way more considerate, even when tired

Shift in your sleep? He’s awake, checking to make sure that you aren’t uncomfortable or in pain

Wake up and try to get a glass of water? No problem, Belphie will get it for you, just stay here and sleep tight

Hogging the blanket? For the first time, Belphie doesn’t even mind, he’ll just carefully snuggle closer to you, double-checking that you’re comfortable before drifting back off to sleep

Even after the cast comes off, he’s still conscious about how tightly he grips you and how much physical exertion you put your body through, always reminding himself that, above all, you’re human and your body can’t handle the things his can

Solomon

Groans

That’s right, thanks to an awkward fall, your toe is broken, and this wizard boy has to audacity to groan at the sight of you on the floor, tears in your eyes as you clutch your foot through your shoe

“As if those brothers don’t hate me enough as is,” He grumbles, lifting you to your feet and whisking you back to Purgatory Hall, where he goes full medic mode and inspects the damage

Tries his hardest to convince you to let him fix it with magic, but just last week, he accidentally turned you into a cat while attempting to place a strength enchantment over you, so you’re understandably hesitant as you refuse him

As expected, when the brothers find out, they put him through hell (pun intended)

For not being able to protect you while it happens (they ignore his complaints that it was technically you who fell and injured yourself) he is now tasked with your recovery

Aka he is your slave

You make him carry your books when you go from class to class, you make him buy you lunch from the cafeteria, you make him give you his lecture notes whenever you don’t feel like paying attention in class

Hell, if he weren’t such a god awful cook, you would probably make him take over your cooking duty, as well

“This is abuse” He huffs one day, sighing in irritation after you ask him to go fetch you a glass of water

“I’m sorry?” You ask, feigning innocence. “What’s that? Did you ask me to go tell Lucifer that you aren’t treating me properly?”

Grumbles under his breath in six different languages, cursing you out in each one of them as you wink at him

You’re almost sad when your toe finally heals, and he’s finally free

Thankfully, the two of you somehow grew used to each other after spending so much time together for so long, and (much to the brothers’ displeasure) you continue hanging out with Solomon long after you’re off crutches

Will tease you about it when it’s all over

He doesn’t forget about how you lorded over him for as long as you were injured, and thus takes it upon himself to make sure that you don’t get hurt again under his watch

(At least, that’s what he tells himself as he holds your hand to march you down the steps outside Majolish, not letting go even after the ‘threat’ is passed)

Simeon

confusedangel.exe

First and foremost, how did this happen??

He’s so concerned and shocked when you show up to RAD one day in crutches because you broke a bone on your leg

Didn’t know that was possible

Actually goes home and spends half an hour on the Devildom equivalent of Google trying to maneuver his phone and search up how common this is and whether it’s normal for humans

Accidentally opens the images tab and sees a bunch of super disturbing and painful-looking injuries, and he nearly drops his phone altogether

Instantly assumes that your injury is as bad as those, despite your constant reassurances that you’re fine as long as you don’t apply too much pressure

Lots of pampering

He’s suddenly available 100% of the time for you, no matter what he’s already doing or the time of day

Insists on helping you wherever he can, like holding your stuff for you at RAD, ferrying you from class to class without forcing you to don that heavy rucksack 

Even takes over the responsibility of walking you to and from school

He doesn’t quite understand that your injury is physical??

Like he can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that you’re mentally unaffected by the injury, because angelic injuries are typically so difficult to induce and severe that they always cause some kind of trauma 

He’s always testing you - double-checking that you remember facts from old lectures, holding up fingers to test your sight, even asking you details about himself every now and then

That’s actually the story of how you accidentally told him that you thought his eyes were prettier than the sky and he still hasn’t forgotten it

Never really forgets about your injury, even after your crutches are long gone

Protectiveness goes up by 5000%

He suddenly becomes acutely aware of the fact that you’re surrounded by demons and, although the brothers usually mean well, he becomes impossible concerned for how you’re faring

He expresses his concerns to you one day really sweetly and you’re so touched because ??? How can someone be this pure???

To ease his concerns, you both start hanging out a lot more - when before you mostly hung out at the RAD library before parting ways, Simeon now invites you over to Purgatory Hall more often and you bring him back to the House of Lamentation so that he can see how safe you are with the brothers

Luke

Just like Simeon, there’s so much confusion going on inside this smol bean’s head

Are you really telling him that you??? the person who has taken it upon themself to be protective over HIM??? are so weak and fragile??? that tripping over a pebble was enough to fracture your jaw???

The roles in your relationship are suddenly reversed

(Or well, Luke tries to reverse them)

He does his best to be there for you instead of vice versa, insisting that you no longer need to save him from the brothers when they make fun of him for being like a chihuahua 

Lowkey, he actually earns their respect for how protective he’s suddenly being over you, but the baby can only go so far because - face it - he’s basically ten years old

Doesn’t let that stop him from shooting dirty looks toward any demon who looks at the bandages on your face twice

Immediately goes home and researches what kind of foods you can comfortably eat, and enlists both Barbatos and Beel’s help in cooking soft dishes for you that you’ll be able to eat, despite your injury

Does his best to help you where he can

Takes over your cooking duty at the House of Lamentation

Takes extra-detailed notes so he can lend them to you after class

Even goes as far as to get high-quality Celestial bandages with natural healing properties and gives them to you, hoping that everything he’s doing will make your recovery a little bit faster

He’s really come to look up to you as an older sibling, so seeing you injured (even if you don’t necessarily show the pain) has him seriously torn up inside, and it takes all his effort to keep a straight face every time he looks at you and sees the bandages on your face

If you’re even a little self-conscious about any scars afterwards, he will spend hours convincing you that you look fine (and in truth, he can’t actually see the scar anymore, so he’s being honest)

Long after you’re recovered, he will remember at the most random times that you’re so fragile despite always looking so strong, and it tears him up inside

Because of this, random, tearful hugs become the norm

Occasionally, one look is all it takes before his eyes are welling with tears and he’s burying his face inside your stomach, holding you tight and promising to “protect you to make sure that you never get hurt again”

Very innocent, very sweet

Never fully forgets ever again just how fragile humans are

Barbatos

Knew it could happen

Was sort of prepared for it to happen

Didn’t actually expect it to fucking happen

This is probably one of the only times where he regrets not using his powers to check and see what the future held - literally, it would have been so easy to have saved you had he known it was coming 

Went to Diavolo asking to switch timelines but the demon lord said no

Highkey becomes incredibly protective of you, just in super subtle ways

You suddenly find yourself invited to Diavolo’s palace much more often, and it’s Barbatos who now entertains you, bringing you there under the guise of asking you to “taste the new recipes” he’s attempting to perfect

Pfft, his recipes are already the definition of perfect - the only reason he’s putting that food in your mouth is because he cast a spell on it, and it’ll make your bones stronger

Dodges all questions when you ask about it, real slick

“Barbatos, isn’t this the same dish you gave Beel when we came here last month?”

“I’m afraid I have no recollection of what you’re talking about.”

“You know, the dessert you gave him after he asked you for the biggest banana spli—”

“Oh my, would you look at the time. Let’s get you home, now, before it gets too late”   

Used to walk in front of you when walking you around the palace, but he now walks behind you so that he can watch you in case you trip

I mean, why wouldn’t he? You managed to break your collarbone while jumping down the stairs in Diavolo’s palace - you clearly can’t be trusted to look after your own health

(lowkey also never leaves you unsupervised around Mammon again, who in hell thinks it’s a good idea to try parkour of all things in the castle of the demon lord??? and encourages it?????)

Finds it incredibly endearing when your injury renders you unable to do basic tasks

Like if you were a helpless human in his mind before, now you’re less independent than an unpottytrained demonchild, and Barbatos is living for it, especially since you’re too stubborn to ask the brothers for help, so you turn to him instead

Absolutely loves when you text him for help

[17:39] MC: barbatos?

[17:40] Barbatos: Yes? Are you in need of something?

[17:40] MC: ...i was walking around the House of Lamentation and i accidentally banged into the wall outside Satan’s room and there was a really big sound and it turns out that i knocked a bunch of his books off the shelf and he comes home in half an hour and please help he’s going to kill me if he sees what happened

[17:40] Barbatos:

[17:41] Barbatos: I’ll be right there.

Diavolo

Oh boy

This man has lived a long, LONG time and never in all those millennia has he been as pissed as he is now, seeing you sheepishly lean on Mammon for support with the nearly all of your leg hanging limp

What he can’t grasp is the fact that this actually happened in school

Like, it would be one thing if a demon had injured you out of spite - he could simply punish them for all eternity and eradicate the root of the problem

But for you to be injured this severely? In spellcasting class, no less?

Instantly fires the teacher who was careless enough to let you walk into a casting circle which almost obliterated you whole - and spends ages commending Satan for having the wit to save you before things got even worse

But that doesn’t stop him from using the full extent of his princely power to ensure your continued safety

Instantly moves you out of the House of Lamentation and into his own palace, ignoring Lucifer’s repeated requests for you to not be moved

“I need to make sure they’re comfortable,” He hisses to his right-hand man, almost to Barbatos’s amusement. “The healing process for humans is long, and I need to make sure that they get better without the distractions your brothers provide”

Makes it painfully clear that if you ever get injured again under an RAD teacher’s watch, nothing will be able to save them from the unforgiving flames of his wrath

Starts spending as much time with you as humanly possible 

He always stops by your room in the afternoon, generally to check on your well being and to inquire on how you’re faring, but those conversations always seem to wrap up late at night, long after you’ve both abandoned the original topic at hand and are lost in discussion over something else

One time, when he was feeling particularly guilty after looking at the painful swelling on your leg, he invited you back to his own room to sleep on his bed because - as the acting king of the Devildom - his bed is literally the most comfortable place in the world and he hardly uses it

You sleep in it once and can never sleep anywhere else again

For more reasons than one

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(Reluctantly) offers to let you move back into the House of Lamentation once you’re completely healed, but celebrates like crazy when you tell him that you’d much rather stay with him, and it becomes SUCH an ego stroke every time you remind him how much you adore it in his palace

Lowkey grateful that you got injured because it was the catalyst that allowed you both to grow close

But will absolutely make sure that nothing of the like ever happens again

[obaby-me]

Hey there buddy would u plz do a headcanon the guys reacting to mc being drunk and she confesses her feeling for them in a cute manner

Drunk confessions are never recommended.

But they are hilarious.

If you or someone you know is about to confess while drunk, do them a favor, and buy them another drink. They’re gonna need it.

Lucifer

Lucifer hardly ever lets go on a night out with his brothers. He has to remain the sober one to take them home without them destroying the town. So he nurses a drink, that gets him just tipsy enough that the giddy drunk in him just peeking out into a smile.

“I love when you do that,” you giggle from beside him, swaying and bumping into his side.

“Oh?” He asks, raising a brow with interest. “When I do what?”

With a grin you point to his face. “Smile! I wanna do that,” you tell him your voice slow and drawn out.

Leaning towards you with a chuckle, he bumps you gently back. “You’re already doing that. Your face is practically made up of only a smile right now.” He teases.

“No!” You protest with a laugh. “I wanna make you smile,” you slur, fingers tracing his lips, and then prodding up the ends to his cheeks. “I wanna be the one to make you smile. I wanna do it every day.”

He’d have been annoyed by the child-like display if he wasn’t so charmed by that adoring look in your eye as you stared at him.

Lucifer can feel himself flush and his smiles widen. “You already do that too,” he assures you as pulls your fingers from his face, a tender look in his eye as he wraps an arm around you pulls you into his side. He places a gentle kiss on your cheek when he thinks no one is watching.

But they all saw it. No one dares to say anything about it though, not when he looks happier than he has in a long time.

Mammon

Mammon’s been having the most wonderful time. Drinks are a plenty on the tab of Lucifer, and the alcohol’s been boosting his boisterous nature to new heights. He’s clung to you most of the night, dragging you about as he fetches drinks, chats up other demons and swapping tall tales to boost his ego, and attempting to convince other patrons into some games by which to gamble. No one’s taken him up on the offer yet.

“This my human,” he announces to everyone he meets. He doesn’t generally bother to give your name. He’s too busy keeping the attention on himself. When the inevitable question of your relationship comes up, a blushing Mammon is quick to deny it. “I—it’s not like that!” He’ll stutter. “As if THE great Mammon would have any interest in a human!”

You and no one else believe him.

One demon attempts to take the teasing just a step too far and wraps his own arm around your waist, tugging you to him. “Well, I certainly have an interest,” he drawls, leaning into your ear. “I could love ya, honey, since he won’t,” he offers.

“No, thank you,” you say pushing away from him with an awkward laugh back towards Mammon, swaying as you do so. The second-born is quick to catch you. Looking at the demon, teeth bared, he growls in a way your rarely hear from him, “Don’t touch my human!”

There’s laughter amongst the surrounding demons and he’s quickly pulling you outside of the bar, desperately in need of air for his burning face.

You’re giggling behind him, adding to his mortification, but as you stumble, you grip tight to his hand throw yourself on to his arm for support.

“Don’t you worry, human, I’ve got ya.” He says with a soft smile. “THE great Mammon won’t let anything happen to ya. Won’t let anyone take ya from me,” he says as he pulls you into him, burying his face out of your sight. He knows he’s saying it more for himself than for you. The demon’s comment eating away at him.

There’s some silence and you can feel his embarrassment radiating off of him. But he refuses to let you go. “He wishes he could love you,” he hisses, after much contemplation.

“You know, if you said you loved me, I’d tell you I’d love you too,” you whisper into him, your fingers tracing hearts into his back. With wide eyes he pulls back to stare at your face in utter disbelief.

With a smile, you take his hands and place them against you, and begin to rock side to side as if dancing with him, trying to distract him from his mile a minute thoughts. And that giggle and that spin, did it perfectly. You were too cute to deny a dance. He’ll worry about how to tell you he loved you properly later. Maybe.

Leviathan

He’s fuming, he’s furious at having been dragged into this night out with his brothers only to be abandoned at the booth with his drink. Lucifer had confiscated his D.D.D. in an effort to get him to talk with people, though the

Levi was deep in thought, trying to strategize a way to steal his phone back and make it out alive.

“This is exactly why I hate—hate— normies!” He seethes, screeching his hate for them again, another rant rolling—the fourth in the last hour. He had been constant flipping screaming his hatred to lamenting into his drink. Speaking of which, was now empty.

“D-do you really hate all normies that much?” He heard a soft whisper from beside him. You slid into the booth beside him with another drink for him. You had been refilling his drink for him, spending your time beside him.

“Yes,” he said in his fury. “They’re the worst.”

“Even me?” You ask as you push the drink into his hands and taking the empty one from him.

Levi’s head snapped to you.

“No! Never you. You’re a normie but you’re also my Henry!” He explains quickly. “You should know that!”

You smile back at him, giggling as his face flushed as he attempted to backtrack.

“I know,” you assure him. Your body tilts and leans against him. Red trailed from his face and travelled down his neck, his body going rigid. For a time you stay there, sipping at your drink.

“J-just how much have you had?” Levi asked, unable to comprehend the intimate contact as something you would willing do.

“Not enough,” you say with a laugh. “They call this liquid courage but I’m still so nervous,” you admit.

“Ugh, I know what you mean! There’s so many people, and it’s so loud—“ he begins. You cut him off with another laugh. “That’s not what’s gettin’ me,” you say with a bit of a hiccup.

“What is it then?” He asks with some concern.

You hum as you swirl your drink in its cup, the turn to him eyeing him, assessing him for some unknown criteria. You smile gently at him, reaching a hand up to cup his brightly blushing face, coaxing a noise of surprise out of him.

“Do you think I could ever be more than a Henry to you?” You ask as you a thumb over his heated skin.

“M-more?” He practically shouts.

“Henry never kisses the Lord of Shadows,” you murmur leaning in. “I wanna kiss my Lord of Shadows,” you breathe against his lips, waiting for him. Levi’s heart beats so hard he’s sure he’s dying.

“Y—you do? You mean it? Really?” He asks, requiring further confirmation. You nod happily at him, smile brighter than any star, and he thinks surely he has died and returned to the heavens. Eagerly, he meets you halfway for a kiss that he’ll wish he remembered later.

Satan

He’s not entirely sure if you’re listening to him still at this point, but he doesn’t much care. You’re both inebriated to the point of nonsense. He’s not even sure what the subject of the initial conversation was, or how he got to the current topic, but you seem quite happy simply listening to him, your head in your palm as you lean on the bar. Your face is flushed, your eyes lidded, and your smile content—it’s a look he’s finding to be more intoxicating than his spirits.

Your lips start moving, interrupting him suddenly. He has to take a moment snap his attentions from his meandering eyes and babbling mouth to concentrate on his hearing.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, your brain, it’s sexy,” you repeat.

Satan was rather stunned, and could only blink blearily at you in return given how many glasses he’d himself.

“But, you know, I know something you don’t know,” you giggle into another sip of your drink.

“And what’s that?” He asks tilting his head curiously, leaning towards you.

“I think the rest of you is sexy too.” You say poking at his chest with a bout of laughter. He can’t quite tell if you’re telling the truth or just teasing him, and he feels his face flush with more than the alcohol this time around. He’s quietly staring at you contemplating, overturning the statement again and again in his head.

“Hey, did you, did you hear me this time?” You asked fidgeting with no real response from him. The way you redden with embarrassment dissolves any doubts.

“S—say it again,” he asks, leaving his seat to wrap his arms around you, with a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

You repeat the message, faltering slightly given the proximity, and he demands of you again, “say it again.”

And that’s all the rest of your conversation for the night, repeated requests for you to say it over and over again, between, spurts of laughter and sloppy kisses.

Asmodeus

“You know what I like about you?” You say swinging your drink towards him.

“Everything?” Asmo asks with a winning smile, his slung around your shoulders.

“Yes.” You reply with a nod that came out of sync with the drawn out word.

“You and everyone else, darling. But I’m so happy to hear you finally say it!” He says, squeezing you against him.

“No, no!” You whine in protest, pushing against him. “More than anyone else!”

Asmo only laughs, pouring another drink. “Oh, honey, of course you do! Everyone says that. And even if they don’t they certainly think,” he says with a wink. “I mean, look at me, what’s not to love?” He says with a wave of his hand.

Then raking his hand through his hair he leans in close. “Do you finally want to know why they call me the Avatar of Lust?” He coos into your ear.

“No.” You pout. “Not yet,” you admit shyly, turning your face into your drink.

“I just wanna be with you all the time, Asmo. Like, all the time. I just want to hold your hand everywhere we go, and—and hold you while we watch our fashion shows, and I wanna go to all those little trendy cafes and watch you eat all those cute parfaits that make you smile and—and I just...” You’re babbling at this point, slurring your words as you try to define all the ways in which you love him and the croaking sound in your voice indicates to him that you’re on the verge of tears.

So is he.

“That’s what you want from me?” He asks, his heart clenching at the sight of your glossy eyes staring up at him. What a sight. He knows he should feel guilty about the thought, but you were just too cute in your earnestness.

“Do—do you not want that?” You ask hesitantly, looking meek. Your expression, though sad, make his heart flutter.

“I do!” He shouts in return, “oh darling, you really do love me!” He sighs happily as he drags you fully into his lap, rubbing against you.

“B-but, do you think you can love me too?” You whisper, your breathe sweet with your cocktail, fanning against his cheek while he hovers above your lips.

“I already do,” he assures you with a soft smile. “More than anyone else.”

Beelzebub

“You really like cheeseburgers.” You say with a laugh as you sidle up to Beel at the bar. He holds in one hand a pub burger, and in the other a cup of fries, which he downs like it were a liquid. Stacked plates surround him and the servers are frantic to clear them as servers rush to out more.

“Yeah,” he confirms with a happy nod, turning his attention to you.

You’re staring at him in a way that he is unfamiliar with. Unfocused, with a lopsided smile, your face red from the alcohol you’ve consumed during your drinking games with his brothers. “And you like long islands,” he notes at the drink in your hand.

You look at the glass in your hand with some deep consideration for a moment before suddenly down the half glass in swigs. You suddenly look determined, or maybe angry as you look up at him.

“Are you okay?” He asks with a furrowed brow.

Beel, I—You...” you begin to stutter and slur, “No, wait, I mean—listen, Beel,” you say as you plant your hands on his chest to steady yourself.

“Maybe you should—“ Beel began to say as he wraps an arm around you to pull you into a seat.

“Beel, you are my cheeseburger.”

“What?” He asks stunned, unable to comprehend the statement.

“You like cheeseburgers.” You explain brows furrowed that you had to explain this obvious track of thinking to him, “and I like you. So you are like my cheeseburger.”

Beel laughs, and he laughs hard, and for a moment, your face drops, an overwhelming wave of embarrassment at his laughter crashing over you. But before you can turn away, Beel happily sweeps you up in his arms, and then into his lap. “I like you more than a cheeseburger,” he tells you as he holds you tight in one hand while the other returns to snack. “You’re much cuter, for one thing.”

Belphegor

“Belphie,” you drunkenly whine, “Belphie!” You slip into the booth beside him, moving leaning in close to Belphie’s ear as he tries to put his head as far into his arms as he can.

“I’m sleeping,” he tells you, irritated. The world around him was too noisy, too crowded. He wished he’d never agreed to come out here.

“Belphie, please. It’s important!” You insist, stomping your foot on to the ground.

How cute. You have his attention now.

He turns his head to look at you, your face red as can be, and he’s certain it’s not just the flush of the alcohol. “What is it?” He asks.

“Asmo says, he says,” you start, only to pause and try to remember the rest of the sentence, “that you like brunettes!” You state you’re face curious, almost worried about the answer.

“Asmo says a lot of things. I don’t care about hair color.” He says with a roll of his eyes. “What does that matter?” He asked curiously.

“Because I want you to like my hair,” you say as you slump down next to him, mimicking him by laying your head in shoulders.

“Yeah?” He asks a small smile forming on his face. “Why’s that?”

You giggle sweetly and pull an arm from under you to reach for his hair. “Because, because, I like your hair. I love it, I love it,” you mutter as you twirl your fingers around some strands.

“Just my hair?” Belphie asks.

“No, I like the rest of you too. I love it, I love it.” You yawn with a sleepy smile You nuzzle your face into your shoulder, drifting off to sleep, missing Belphie’s wide smile and flushed face, as he scoots closer to you, wrapping an arm around you, a hand stroking your hair as he watches you sleep soundly amongst the ruckus of the bar.

[hollys-corner]

Is Kevin Thomas a narcissist?

Why I think Kevin is a narcissist, a case study by Holly Hayes!

1. Kevin repeatedly displays a pattern of thought that is grandiose in nature. He consistently and openly regards his own views, opinions, and perceptions as not just factual, but obvious: when asked by others to clarify his opinion, he frequently responds by mocking the other person for not having experienced the same perception as he did, or by arguing that he doesn’t want to bother explaining because they are clearly not intelligent enough to understand his argument (because if they did, then they would’ve “got it” immediately, without any explanation). He feels that it is unnecessary for him to have to explain his point, because his perceptions are blatantly obvious and universally apparent to anybody who is intelligent enough to perceive them; and if you don’t see what he sees immediately, then it’s simply just because you’re stupid.

The following screenshot was NOT taken by me - it was captured and posted by someone who I barely know (my point being that multiple people have the same impression of his behavior that I do).

This is an extremely common phenomenon among narcissists. Because of their under-developed sense of self (coupled with their inability to empathize), narcissists will project their cognitive distortions (especially their black and white thinking) onto others - who they see as caricatures, or as one-dimensional players being moved around the stage of life by the narcissist himself. They also lack object permanence, which is the ability to understand or imagine that people still exist even when they are not being observed by the narcissist - Kevin repeatedly displays this through his tendency of assuming that other people’s actions are always in some way directly related to himself. For example, upon noting that I had deactivated my Facebook account (which I do frequently), he insisted that it was because I had gotten upset at something that he had said - a comment which was so insignificant to me that I couldn’t even recall him making it. Despite me telling him that I deactivate my Facebook account perhaps as often as 1-2 times per month and that he was incorrect about my motivations for doing so, he continued to insist that I had done it because of him - he literally just couldn’t imagine me doing anything in my life that wasn’t in some way related to him.

As a result of this object impermanence, lack of empathy, and projection, narcissists will frequently assign their intentions to others (assuming that other people have the same internal motivations that they do - this is why, for example, cheaters will accuse their partners of cheating; they are projecting their own habits and beliefs onto the people around them), and be incapable of wrapping their head around the fact that others do not share their perceptions. Further, because of their belief in their own superiority, they will thus come to whole-heartedly believe that since their perceptions are superior, and since everybody perceives things in the same manner as they, that anybody who does share their opinion is automatically superior too, while anybody who does not is automatically inferior - that these people who disagree with them are not only stupid, but also dishonest, useless, and intentionally malicious. Most healthy, neurotypical individuals have grown out of this black and white way of viewing the world by the age of 8 or 9. The narcissist never outgrows this trait.

During political debates - even in debate groups where any member could reasonably expect to be challenged - Kevin will often debase the arguments of people who disagree with them by using ad hominem logical fallacies against them, especially when he becomes frustrated as they start to win the debate or gain support from onlookers. His most common insults are that anybody who disagrees with him is stupid, prone to groupthink, an Fe/Si user (I once saw him argue that NPs are incapable of independent or objective thought because of the fact that they have Si in their cognitive stack, which apparently means that they automatically suck up to authority figures no matter what position in their stack it is), and mindlessly following along with popular opinion. Despite the fact that this has been pointed out to him many times, he continues to refuse to acknowledge the fact that it is equally, if not more important, to question yourself as it is to question the status quo; and that mindlessly rebelling against what you believe to be “the popular opinion” is not just intellectually disingenuous, but also very likely to result in inaccuracies of reasoning. By automatically doing the exact opposite of what society wants you to do, you are still allowing the popular opinion to dictate what your stance is. He considers it a weakness to even consider refining or re-evaluating one’s argument - it is anathema to him, equivalent with admitting to being stupid or wrong. 

In addition to mistyping people (I’ve seen him accuse an INTJ of being an ESFJ, an INFJ of being an ISTJ, and an INTP of being an INFP, for reasons that were extremely faulty, poorly reasoned, and had less to do with the individual’s functions and more to do with Kevin’s own personal agenda), he also frequently diagnoses people as having some type of cluster B personality disorder. 

(”Well, isn’t that ironic, you giant hypocrite?” you’re probably thinking to yourself right now. The difference between myself and Kevin is that I don’t wield these labels like a weapon, accusing any random person who gets in my way of being a narcissist. I’m also willing to substantiate my conclusion by explaining my reasoning process (which is exactly what I’m doing right now). And, most importantly, I’m willing to listen to alternative viewpoints, take them into consideration, and admit to being wrong. Kevin is not.) 

More screenshots of other people talking about Kevin. Again, neither of these were me, I didn’t instigate this conversation, and both of these people now have Kevin blocked on Facebook so that they don’t have to deal with him anymore.

2. When Kevin feels insulted or slighted by another person, his anger is disproportionate to the severity of the comment. He will fling ad hominem attacks at the other person, including calling them stupid, assigning MBTI labels to them that are incorrect and which he perceives as being insulting (ex. will accuse someone of being a sensor/feeler just because they disagreed with him, because he believes that being a sensor/feeler is a bad thing), accuse them of only disagreeing with him because they’re incapable of thinking for themselves (”groupthink” is his favorite term to misuse when people disagree with his opinion), and often resorts to making fun of the other person’s physical appearance and especially their intelligence (I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times his response has consisted of him simply calling me fat). 

One of the easiest ways to set off Kevin’s feelings of inadequacy is by comparing Ni (introverted iNtuition, the rarest function) to Si (introverted sensing, the most common function). Again, because Kevin considers himself both superior and unique, he absolutely loathes being compared to Si users, a function which he considers to be representative of the very essence of normal and average - and thus, beneath him. This is also why he insults NPs just for having Si in their cognitive stack - to him, the mere concept of Si represents everything that he regards himself as the OPPOSITE of. Watching Ni being compared to Si, even though it has nothing whatsoever to do with him (and even though Jung’s source material itself outlines the similarities between Si and Ni), threatens his underdeveloped sense of self - because in his eyes, being compared to a function that is synonymous with being boring, pro-establishment, authority-loving, boot-licking, unquestioning, and fond of tradition, threatens his perception of himself as intelligent, unique, superior, original, and an independent thinker. Because, once again, in the eyes of a narcissist, every action that other people take revolves around them, in one way or another. Even when that action is simply a complete stranger explaining the similarities between Si and Ni, as outlined in Jung’s source material about the sixteen types (incredibly ironic given that he’s constantly accusing me of “ignoring definitions”). 

The following is a screenshot of Kevin complaining about a bunch of people trying to explain Ni to an INTP who couldn’t wrap his head around how it works. Instead of trying to explain Ni to that person, he instead spent the entire thread arguing with the everyone who was trying to help the INTP understand Ni by comparing it to Si (a logical decision, since a) Si is very similar to Ni, and b) the person in question was an Si user, and so he obviously has a basis for understanding Ni by first understanding how his own Si works), and trying to debunk the common belief that the two are similar to one another. (Spoiler alert: THEY ARE. They’re both introverted perceiving functions, irrational and subjective (according to Jung himself). Think of them as two identical cars that use completely different types of fuel - they operate in extremely similar ways, it’s just that they value different types of information/criteria with which to make decisions and projections.) Instead of helping the person who made the thread, he decided to interpret the thread’s contents as an attack on his sense of self, and responded to it predictably by aggressively challenging and confronting anyone who dared insult him by suggesting that perceptive, original, creative, special Ni was in any way similar to common, average, boring, normie Si.

Still waiting on Kevin to explain what he appreciates about Si. Hit me up, fam!  I’m excited to read your essay!

3. Kevin chooses to interpret the behavior of others around him as being in some way directly caused by, or related to, himself; he simply cannot conceive of a reason why anybody would do anything in his presence that doesn’t involve him. For example: he has repeatedly characterized Gage’s willingness to engage in debates with him, or point out the flaws in his thought process, as Gage “begging for his attention” - he believes that Gage is a narcissist who farms narcissistic supply from Kevin, because he (Kevin) is a source of high-quality supply (as a result of his superiority to others). This is not speculation on my part; Kevin himself as argued this.

Despite the fact that he could have chosen to interpret Gage’s actions in any number of ways (such as the fact that he’s an ENTP, a type that is well-known for their willingness to debate with others; or the fact that Gage debates with many other people in MBTI groups; or even that he’s arguing with Kevin just simply because he disagrees with him), he continuously chooses the interpretation of Gage as desperately needing Kevin’s attention, and Kevin’s attention alone - even though this explanation doesn’t make any sense, considering how often Gage debates with people who aren’t Kevin. No matter how often these things are pointed out to him, he will continue to insist that Gage is not only obsessed with him, but actually goes out of his way to follow him around on Facebook for the sole purpose of harvesting high-quality narcissistic supply from him. He has levied similar accusations against other people who have argued with him.

4. He is extremely paranoid and tends to misinterpret people openly disagreeing with him, mocking him, or being willing to point out the flaws in his argument, as a “smear campaign” (even though he does the same thing to others, which he then excuses as feeling compelled to “let people know the truth” despite being unwilling to entertain whether that same motivation may be true for other people as well). He also openly believes that there is a behind-the-scenes group conspiracy to discredit him and sully his good name that everyone who disagrees with him is a member of.

5. As with all narcissists, Kevin’s defenses are alloplasic - in other words, he has a tendency to blame every failure and mistake of his on the people around him or the world at large, including “enemies”, “haters”, “society”, “narcissists”, “sheeple”, and even the government. He genuinely believes that there is a conspiracy among the members of certain MBTI groups to conspire in secret in order to make him look bad by running a smear campaign against him. As a result of this alloplastic defense mechanism, Kevin does not accept personal responsibility for his actions, and never admits to being wrong or miscalculating - he considers it beneath him to even have to back up his arguments with facts or citations, because he believes that his conclusions are so self-evidently correct that he should not be required to have to meet the same burden of proof that every other debater does. 

When asked for evidence (or even an explanation) that he is unable or unwilling to provide, he does not blame himself for failing to prepare his argument properly; he blames YOU for being too stupid to understand how obviously correct his argument is to begin with (external locus of control) - if you need to ask for evidence, then it’s just because you aren’t smart enough to understand where he’s coming from. He considers it an attack on his intelligence and reasoning skills that anybody should even ask for proof to begin with, let alone attempt to poke holes in his argument. Like many INTJs, he fails to understand that his impressions are subjective in nature (Ni); and like many narcissists, he fails to understand that not everybody values the same proof, or interprets the evidence in the same way, as he does. And because he both lacks the ability to empathize as well as struggles to understand that different people perceive things differently, he assumes that everybody thinks and feels the same way that he does - and if they don’t, then it’s just because they’re stupid and wrong.

6. People who are narcissistic can display the following traits: controlling, self-absorbed, calculating, intolerant of the views of others, feelings of superiority, unaware of how their behavior affects the people around them, bullying, and are very insistent that others view them in the way that they wish to be regarded. In order to protect their underdeveloped sense of self, they will frequently engage in devaluing others who violate their fragile ego: and they tend to react to this by insulting and blaming others, as well as becoming openly hostile and critical towards them. Kevin displays all of these traits and more - to date, I’ve observed perhaps a dozen different people recounting stories of having been insulted or degraded by Kevin, mostly for small infractions such as disagreeing with him, or posting rebuttals to one of his political arguments. (For example: he once posted a meme about how Big Pharma and the government were “hiding” the fact that Vitamin B17 - also known as laetrile - cures cancer. When I pointed out that this has been soundly debunked and that laetrile is not even a vitamin, but is instead actually a compound which degrades into cyanide in the human body and has caused many deaths by cyanide poisoning, Kevin responded by calling me a brainwashed idiot and a government bootlicker.) When faced with an argument that he can’t refute, he moves the goalposts, or responds with flat-out denial or insults.

7. Like all narcissists, Kevin’s capacity for self-awareness is severely stunted, and he maintains a grandiose perception of himself as being unique and superior. He does this primarily by regarding himself as being unusually intelligent, perceptive, honest, and uniquely capable of discerning “the truth” about the nature of people, society, government, authority, and the world. In order to prop up this vision of himself, he tends to support political positions which are anarchistic in nature, anti-government, anti-authority, anti-status quo, anti-establishment, anti-society, anti-pop trends, and anti-science. He supports conspiracy theories that have been thoroughly discredited, such as chemtrails, alternative cancer treatments, flat Earth theory, the faked moon landing, and the idea that vaccines cause autism. He believes in these things not because he is more scientifically literate than everyone else, but because he perceives that supporting these positions prove that he is more intellectually discerning than your average person - unlike the sheeple in the rest of society, who blindly trust authoritative voices telling them what to think and how to feel. He also does it because he has (correctly) surmised that there is an audience for these types of beliefs who will praise him for being #woke, thus verifying his perception of himself as well as earning him validation, applause, and recognition.

Unfortunately, there is a large flaw in his argument, and it is this: mindlessly rebelling against every popular opinion is just as intellectually disingenuous as mindlessly supporting every popular opinion is - that’s why it’s so important to evaluate each individual idea on its own merit, regardless of whether it’s a popular or unpopular viewpoint. Kevin refuses to do this because being seen as rebellious and different strokes his ego, and reinforces the image of himself that he wants to project outward - an image of himself as being unique, intelligent, capable, competent, rebellious, independent, a free thinker, and a Gallileo-like genius who was once revilved by society for his seemingly bizarre ideas (but is now celebrated as one of the most important thinkers of his time), and is unconstrained by the lowly viewpoints of others. Recent research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology reflected this trend among conspiracy theorists: while some of their beliefs were genuine, most of them did it simply out of a desire to be perceived as unique [x]. Unlike the regular plebians, they alone were just too intelligent to be duped or manipulated by common opinion. Kevin has displayed this belief about himself over and over and over again, and like most classic/overt narcissists, he has a very pompous and arrogant demeanor to support this.

8. Narcissists frequently resort to recruiting friends, family members, colleagues, institutions, law enforcement, therapists, peers, and many others, in order to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.

A screenshot of Kevin tagging three additional people into the thread in order to abuse his targets by proxy.

I predict that Kevin will do the following:

1. Claim to have not even bothered to read this post (not that his lack of specific knowledge on what’s written in it will stop him from arguing that it’s wrong, though).  

2. Claim that this post is proof of a targeted “smear campaign” against him by multiple members of this group. 

3. Argue that I’m only doing this because I’m an Fe user, and I only wrote this because there’s a conspiracy among members of this group to disparage his name and make him look bad; and so therefore, I have written this entire post merely in the interest of trying to fit in with this nebulous, shadowy group.

4. Maintain that I only believe these things because my “master” (Gage) said all of these things first, and that I’m simply parroting points that Gage has already made in order to suck up to him (like all INTJs - who lack Si - he seems to forget that I’ve been arguing with him for 6+ months now, whereas Gage has only been arguing with him for 1-2 months. Not sure how he thinks that I was only copying Gage even before Gage had any of these opinions of him, but okay).