#but I didn't want to start anything new because The Brain dictates that would also cost spoons

[muzzlemouths]

I've been taking a few more recovery days than usual lately and that means laying in bed and making myself CHILL by doing nothing that requires any more than a single spoon - which includes writing, most days, and there's very few things which keep my attention to the point where I don't get bored and Do Things anyway

which is a longwinded way of saying I'm getting back into anime

[jujutsubaby]

final round (part 1)

☆ pairing: eren x afab!reader ☆ summary: you have a very important interview coming up that basically dictates whether or not you have a job after college. and you're sure you're gonna ace it...as long as your arch-nemesis doesn't have anything to do with the interview... ☆ warnings: 18+, not nsfw in this part but has suggestive themes, former TA/student relationship, eren is kinda mean to you (but you're kind of mean to eren), a hint of power dynamics ☆ a/n: hiiiii my very first blurb on this site ~ yes this is my brain rot from trying to find a new job. also should i do a part 2? i kinda did this to tease the relationship a bit bc i didn't want my very first thing to be smut haha o(≧▽≦)o

you hear a ping from your laptop indicating a new email. you read the subject line:

Paradis Labs, Inc Final Interview - Next Steps

you couldn't believe your eyes. your dream company wanted to interview you for their final round and suddenly, you weren't able to even focus on hearing about your best friend sasha's latest hookup at delta phi last weekend.

"hey y/n? you listening? he took me to pound town and back...what's more important than this?" sasha inquired, snapping her fingers in front of your face.

"uhh..i got into the final round interview for paradis labs! AH!" you squealed.

sasha remained seated but elated. "i'm not the least bit surprised. you're the smartest, hottest girl i know after all", she winked. "but wait... doesn't you know who work there now after he graduated..." she trailed off, not wanting to illicit any alarm bells off of you.

you groaned, thinking about you know who. you knew him unfortunately very well in the worst way possible. the guy who was your TA last semester and absolutely crushed you while grading your midterms and finals. not only did he never answer any of your questions during class, he actively ignored you? and would only talk to some sleazy girls he was planning to hit on after the class ended. he had berated your final project, purposefully skipped over you on the waitlist queue multiple times during office hours, and you could've sworn he gave you the wrong advice once on a lab.

eren fucking jaeger.

you groaned just even thinking his godforsaken name out loud. "it's okay sash, paradis labs is like one of the largest companies in the nation. the odds of you know who being my interview is basically slim to none." you surmised unsuspectingly. you always had a way of attracting the worst luck, but you couldn't bear to entertain that for even a second.

~ two weeks later ~

okay, you got this. you've been studying for this final round nonstop for the last two weeks, you thought to yourself as you rode the bus to the elusive paradis lab headquarters. you've turned down every party, every study session, every potential "date" sasha tried to set you up with for this one interview. and you felt great about it.

you arrived at the headquarters 30 minutes early, thanks to your fear of being late, and you started to feel your stomach growling, clearly indicating that the glass of orange juice you chugged before you left was not enough. the smell of freshly brewed coffee hit your nostrils, and you found yourself at the paradis cafe at the lobby of the building you were interviewing at. you ordered your coffee and pastry, but as you're waited, you heard a distant, yet familiar voice in the background. you dared not turn behind you, because you knew if you saw him, your day was fucking over. you know exactly who it was. hell, you could recognize that laugh in a room full of people, easily.

ignoring the mild annoyance, you looked at your watch and started getting anxious. you grew increasingly annoyed and worried about bumping into you know who, and you just wanted to grab your stupid coffee and go upstairs and get this interview over with.

"one iced matcha latte with oatmilk for y/n!" the barista chirped, as you dashed to the front to grab the order. you heard the familiar laughter die down, but as you turned around to beeline to the elevator, someone's torso knocked you out and you spilled your iced matcha all over your freshly dry cleaned blouse and someone else's shirt.

"oh my god, i'm SO sor-", you stopped cold. wait, no. it's not just anyone's shirt i spilled coffee on. no it can't be-

"hey, doofus", eren glared. you detected a hint of playful mischief in his dark eyes, but it went away almost immediately. were his eyes always so mesmerizing? stop, what the fuck, don't think that! "always makin' a fuckin' mess, are we?"

you rolled your eyes. this could not be happening to you. matcha stained blouse, and you were hungry, and the worst person you knew was here. "fuck off, asshat", you retorted. "i literally have a meeting in 10 minutes and i look like a fucking idiot because of you."

"for what it's worth, you always looked like a fucking idiot." eren said.

you flipped him off before you beelined to the elevator, aiming to head to the change room immediately. you didn't have an extra blouse, but you were wearing a sleeveless black shirt underneath, which hid the stain well but it was a bit tight. even you had to admit your boobs looked amazing in it. tucking it into your loose grey slacks, you stepped outside the washroom and composed yourself. your interview was in 3 minutes, but you could do this. you knew you can. you passed eren's class last year, and that was with his ass constantly throwing you curveballs. this was nothing.

you entered the waiting room for the interview, waiting your name to be called in. shortly, a dark haired man wearing a white shirt and black slacks called you in. "y/n? there you are." he said nonchalantly as his narrowed in on you. "come into my office, please." as you walked next to him, you realized he's way shorter than he looked from across the waiting room.

"i'm levi, and i'll be conducting your interview today. please take a seat." he motioned to the chair across his table.

"hi levi. i'm y/n. i just want to say that i am so grateful to have had this opportunity to come onsite and be interviewed by some of the most magnificent minds of our-" you're interrupted by a loud phone call coming from levi's desk.

"i apologize miss y/l/n. let me just quickly answer that. they should know i'm in the middle of interviewing candidates..." he said, sounding slightly annoyed by the phone call.

he answered it, and you heard him groan and say "i'll be right there. send him to my office to take over." he looked over at you, partially annoyed and partially apologetic about the fuss happening. "i apologize. some brat fucked up the program we were releasing today, and now i have to clean up some one's mess." he pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. you thought you heard him say that he's going to fire the brat at the end of the say.

"someone else will be coming to conduct the interview, but don't worry. he can be a bit much, but he's unfortunately one of our best recent hires in a while. i'm sure you'll be in good hands." levi said, before he grabbed his stuff and headed to the work emergency.

you were left a bit confused, but ultimately grateful that you had more time to calm yourself down after what happened in front of the cafe. out of all the people who work here, why did you have to run into him. you just can't catch a fucking break can you? you thought to yourself.

as if right on cue, levi's office door opened, and your thoughts were interrupted by the person who once again, occupied an unnecessary amount of thoughts in your head. your jaw dropped, and you practically had to stop yourself from yelling at the universe for this sick, cruel twist of fate that destiny was putting you through.

eren fucking jaeger.

you heard him chuckle deeply. "oh, this is going to be so much fun." eren smirked, his eyes staring at you deeply. he looked at you up and down, and suddenly, you really wished you hadn't taken off your blouse in the changing room, feeling suddenly exposed in this tiny hot (hot? when did this office get hot?) office.

you took a deep shaky breath and buried your head in your hands, groaning and letting out all of the bad emotions you were holding in. "eren, if you're just going to flunk me on this interview, just tell me right now. i'll go home and we'll both just move on." you pleaded. what else can you even do at this point? you should've known this interview was over the minute you heard his stupid laugh in the cafe.

"woah there, slow down doof," he said teasingly. he moved in front of you, partially sitting on levi's (quite expensive) mahogany desk. "you can't just leave an interview before it even started. and who said i was gonna flunk you on this? do you reaaaally think i'd do something like that?"

"umm, you literally did! last year on my midterm, stupid", you yelled exasperated. you were trying hard to keep your cool and calm disposition, but eren always loved to test your limits.

eren pretended to think about it for a second before he shook his head. "nope, doesn't ring a bell. anyway, first question of this interview: why do you want to work at paradis labs?" he asked.

"well, if you must know, i-", you started, before being interrupted by eren.

"i actually don't care. i don't know why anyone asks that." eren laughed, eyes skimming over the files on levi's desk. oh, you could slap him right now. your patience was wearing thin. "hm, well look at this here. your resume says you took a chemical engineering lab last year with professor zeke.?" he asked, knowing damn well the answer was yes. he tried to hold back the smile he had while he watched you visibly tighten up at the sound of the class. "care to tell me about that?"

"not really since you were my TA for that class and went out of your way to almost fail me." you retorted back, fuming at what was happening. no way was he trying to bring this shit up in the middle of an interview. but you were not backing down from this fight. it had been a long time coming. i'm not getting the job anyway at this point. might as well go out cursing eren while i'm at it, you thought to yourself.

"god, i don't know why you think that," he mused teasingly. "if anything, i helped make sure the other stricter TAs didn't grade your work. i dunno where you're getting this idea i hated you." he shrugged. you could swear he almost sounded...honest while saying the last part.

"oh wow, you're really too kind," you said sarcastically as you rolled your eyes. where does this guy get off?

"no, really y/n. i'm being serious," eren said earnestly. a slight genuine smile formed on his lips.

wait, is he? also, why is his smile so...cute? no, stop it, y/n! compose yourself! you quickly snapped out of your thoughts.

"you also ignored me every single time i came to your office hours and every time i came to your lab for help. you literally helped every single girl but me", you accused. you didn't mean to sound harsh and annoyed, but deep down, you felt your chest tighten up and you didn't know why. who cares if he helped other girls, he hates your guts anyway. why were you feeling so sour about it?

"don't give me that shit. i didn't help you because you were the cutest girl in lab and i couldn't make it seem like i was being inappropriate." he said without skipping a beat. eren wasn't sure what made him say it, but it was true.

your eyes snapped to him, and you felt heat rise to your cheeks, and you momentarily forgot what you were even doing here as your head felt dizzy all of sudden. no way you just heard what you thought you heard. you jaw fell and you were at a loss of words to respond. "i...uhh...well.." cough. "um, o-o-okay..." you trailed off, desperate to find the words to respond to eren. you thought back to your class lat year with eren. was he ever really that mean to you? or were you just a bit desperate to do well in an important class? no, wait, he's just being asshole.

"well, if you liked me so much why did you hook up with those sorority girls after the semester ended?" you said incredulously. this was some big fucking joke and you were not going to lose this game.

"oh c'mon, y/n. don't act like you never had a one night stand before." eren explained, his voice lacking any hint of teasing or malice. "besides, you were the only one on my mind, anyway...", eren whispered under his breath so lowly that you weren't able to make out what he said.

well, actually, you haven't ever had a one night stand like that. in fact you never actually...had sex with anyone before. you've always been too focused in school to really date around, and the most action you've gotten was hearing about sasha's escapades. and you sure as hell weren't going to let eren know that.

"umm...well...", you said as you flustered your words. you took a bit too long to compose yourself and respond, which was all eren needed to connect the dots.

"oh shit. y/n...are you a virgin?"

"u-umm...of course not...i-i just...i just never found...or had the time...", you dropped your gaze. that's it, eren had just found his trump card, after he played the cruelest joke on you. you couldn't even think of a witty one liner like you usually did to get out of something like this. you were tired and shocked by eren's confession (which you didn't even believe fully). and not only that, but you were talking about your v-card with your worst enemy.

"hey, hey, hey, it's okay. i'm sorry, y/n. i shouldn't have brought it up, that was weird. and...", eren trailed off. he wasn't sure what to say next, but he said it earnestly and honestly. "i'm sorry for treating you like shit when i was your TA, and i'm sorry for bumping into you and spilling your matcha all over us," even though eren would've done it again if it meant he could see you in the form fitting top you currently have on, but he dared not to comment on that.

you sighed, partially out of relief and partially because you felt vindicated through his apology. your eyes glanced up to his, and both of your gazes softened. "so, you really do like me?" you teased eren, finally cracking a slight playful smile and releasing the tension in the atmosphere.

"shut the fuck up and don't make me say it again, doofus." eren mumbled, as he leaned closer into you. your heart started beating faster and you swear even eren could hear the pounding in your chest as you sucked in a deep shaky breath. you didn't mean to break eren's gaze and look at his lips, but you did and eren noticed. his smile curved up slightly as he leaned closer to you. you felt his hot breath near you lips, and just as his lips were about to crash into yours, the door bursted open to a slightly disheveled levi.

eren immediately snapped back to leaning on levi's desk, and you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. you prayed that levi could not see how flushed you looked or the goosebumps on your arm.

"how did the interview go?" levi asked eren.

eren gave a quick warm glance to you before he said, "y/n did great. answered every question with ease. i think we should extend an offer." you noticed the slightest hint of a smile in eren's professional demeanor, but you were more surprised that he'd do this for you. bit by bit, you felt your hard shell crumbling for eren, and you wondered how you will survive working at paradis labs after graduating.

eren walked you back to the elevator, his hand lightly touching the small of your back as guided you across the hallway. "well, i guess i look forward to working with you and picking back up where we started." eren said with a wink.

you turned around and touched eren's shirt, softly tracing the matcha stain you gave him. "hm, maybe i'll start off my first day dumping coffee on you first thing in the morning." you playfully teased, your breath accidentally hitching as you realized his chest was way harder than you expected it to be. oh my god, no way he's actually built under the shirt. embarrassed, you quickly buried that thought deep where it came from.

"hm, maybe i'll take you to the bathroom and make you help me clean it up," he replied, his eyes filled with warmth and invitation. something that was new to you, but you weren't complaining.

god, you couldn't wait to graduate.

[aita-blorbos]

Am I The Asshole for not telling my QPP that I (sort of) came back from the dead?

My Queer Platonic Partner (4595 M), who I'll call F, and I (~300k M) got together in the late eleventh century, and we've basically been married since the sixteenth century. (Not legally, obviously, but we lived together and pooled our finances and all that.)

While doing some spy work in France during WWII (on behalf of the Allies) I got another future vision showing me getting killed by this cult of weird supernatural obsessed rich people, and I could tell it would happen sometime in the next year or so. Now, there are ways to shift small details of the stuff I see in my future visions, but I'm pretty sure trying to change anything too major would break the fabric of spacetime, if you could even manage to make a change in the first place, so I accepted pretty quickly that my demise was inevitable and started making preparations (writing a will, etc.)

Obviously after all this time I know F pretty well, and he tends to struggle dealing with grief; most of his friends are other immortals and he only really interacts with mortals professionally. I also know there would be absolutely no way he would just accept the fact that my death is inevitable, and would end up spending the next however-long-I-had-left trying to find a solution and would probably really beat himself up about it when he failed.

On top of that, telling other people too much about my visions tends to lead to bad stuff happening (like an immortal cult leader/dictator from my home dimension, who we'll call C, massacring 60+ planets, attempting to take over Earth multiple times, and basically turning his kid into a living weapon), so I don't tend to tell people about them, a boundary which F knows about and usually respects.

So basically, I didn't tell F what I saw. I got kidnapped, he tried to rescue me but was a bit too late, I bled out after getting stabbed by a magic sword, etc., etc. Now, when people of my species die, we get reincarnated. We're reborn in an entirely new body, and with our memories suppressed, we grow into entirely new people with entirely new experiences. You keep your magic powers and basically stop aging around 20, but that's about it. It's a bit different for humans for slightly complicated deific political reasons, I think? F knows this because I told him about it at some point.

After I died, the wife (? F) of one of F's old friends showed up and told me she was Death and that C was gonna try to invade Earth again at some point in the future and my help would be needed, so she was willing to let me sort of... stick around in my reincarnation (now 78 NB)'s brain. So obviously I agreed.

My reincarnation, E, was born somewhere in the US shortly after I died. For context, F and I previously lived in the UK. I hung back for most of E's childhood because I wanted to let them live their own life, but I did help them out a few times with bullies and shitty teachers and stuff. (They're queer and neurodivergent and grew up in the 50s, so they didn't exactly have the best childhood).

There wasn't exactly a whole lot I could do to contact F when E was younger, and even when they got older, there still wasn't much I could do without fucking up their life, so basically I spent several decades only showing up when E was asleep or everyone involved was super high, so even E didn't know I existed.

Sometime around the early 80s E started getting into superhero stuff, which isn't really my cup of tea, so I ended up sorta taking a nap for a few decades. I woke up in the mid 2010s to find out that F and E had apparently become friends? Again, I don't want to mess up either of their lives, and it seemed to me like F had moved on, so I continued hiding.

Recently, C started trying to invade earth again, so I started sneaking out at night to try to stop them with the help of R (18 NB/M?), the literal only other person who knew I existed. (He accidentally ran into me getting a late night snack while breaking into E's house for prank reasons. It's a long story.) We ended up running into some other people, including F's dad (4622 F), so eventually a total of like, 4 people knew about my existence. None of them knew I was me, as in F's dead ex QPP/E's past life. Fortunately, I was able to convince everyone not to tell E or F about me.

Fast forward to a couple months ago, C launched a full scale attack on the city where basically everyone involved in this mess lives. I won't go into too many details, but during the attack E ended up getting hit with a "sleeping spell" which basically just knocked them out, leaving me in control of the body by default. My fighting style is pretty different than E's, so F recognized me almost immediately.

We ended up getting into a pretty big argument about me not telling him I was still around, during which I ended up finding out that after I died he basically lost all faith in humanity and tried to destroy the world a couple times, and he basically admitted he still wasn't over my death, but he was also really pissed at me for not telling him that I was still around. I tried to explain but F still insisted I should have told him. We're both fairly stubborn and quick to anger, so the argument ended up getting a bit out of hand, and now we aren't talking to one another. I understand why he's angry, but I still feel like I didn't have any other choice.

Am I The Asshole?

(Side Note: E is now aware I exist and is trying to act as a mediator. They understand my reasoning for not outright telling them, and had a pretty good laugh over all the signs of my existence that they missed, but F is still pissed on their behalf about me not telling them.)

[cryptoradfemme]

TW: Opinion LMAO

Very hot take: Lesbian politicism is stupid. You can be a radical feminist and still date a man. Some people are just so chronically online they'll tell you that you can't. Yes, men abuse, yes, men rape, kill, pillage, etcetera. You don't think women who are bisexual or straight acknowledge that? Some people choose to be a radical feminist and still be romantical in the same way that some radical feminists who are lesbian do. It's weird how some of you have made it so that only lesbians can date under radical feminism. If they find out the hard way their boyfriend has sick thoughts, then they find out the hard way like god intended. Men can be secretly predatory, that's true, but living your life in fear and regretting it later is more stupid. Stop trying to control who women date, now you just sound like the enemy. If they have sex with a man, if they choose to have a child, then holy shit.. I mean wow. She made that choice. You know women weren't able to do that before, yeah?? That's a pretty big step. She, the woman, made the choice to sleep with a guy and have a child with him on her terms. And he didn't force himself onto her? Progress. Okay? Progress people. Stop fear mongering, you're resetting progress. Why not post about the good parts, just like how climate change blogs will post the shit things that are happening in the world but sprinkle in some of the good things. Maybe stuff like "Dude gets arrested for being a rank pos"? "Pedophile ring gets exposed everyone celebrates"? "Women get a win for once in court cases"? Post about news from around the world. If you just post about the terrible things happening you'll fall down a mental pipe of shit. Trust me, its terrible. You'll be scared to go outside, scared to do anything. Scared to interact with even normal everyday dudes. The point is, yes, shits happening. That is a fact that nobody can deny. Men can be terrible and they're being taught to this day to still be terrible. But you know what? That doesn't mean you can't have some hope. When you lose hope, you start sounding crazy. You sound like me back in 2020 when i seriously thought that everyone was out to get me. I became a shut in, i didn't go out, i didn't make friends, i didn't do anything. I was so afraid every friend i met would be some scary son of a gun because a lot of them kept turning on me. You can't do that. You can't be afraid of every guy you meet. You will go crazy and it's unhealthy to promote this type of shit to younger girls especially around my age. I'm so fucking lucky i haven't lost my mind to this yet from listening to some of you chat about this stuff like it's completely normal. If you can't have optimism and keep trying and keep hoping, you will lose at life. I didn't get out of my slump by farting around and keeping up that mindset.

In the end, let women have identities without you needing to chime in and shit on them the same way guys shat on you for being a teen girl once. If a girls bisexual, straight, lesbian, let it happen. Like that's even your business anyways dude. Stop dictating who dates who. Woman up maybe? I don't know. It's not like every single guy out there is shit for brains. Yeah, it's a majority in the same way you wouldn't know if that snake in your backyard is poisonous or not, but some of those snakes aren't poisonous. The point is to be vigilant, to speak out about womens issues, to help younger women and older women navigate through a life that strips them of their choice and rights, but to also not lose yourself in it. Take up hobbies, actually talk to some guys for once too. You're an extremist, not a radical. That's a totally different branch at that point. So yes. Let women date men if its what they want. You can warn them about the dangers and still let people do it. It's like saying "This roller coaster might brake down because it's old and rust, do you want to ride it anyway?" Usually the answer is yes especially if its your favorite roller coaster.

Liberal feminism - Bunch of spiritualist "boss girl" written in pink glitter font with a bit of "not all men" mixed in there with tra acceptance. They are pro sex work and pro porn. They are scratching only the tip of the iceberg and this is where most people start out.

Radical feminism - Just right, it's a perfect balance. Teaching women to be vigilant, acknowledging that you can't make "acceptances" for certain groups who threaten womens liberty and rights. Anti trans, anti gender conforming. Open to criticism, and hasn't completely lost their minds. The 4b movement is welcomed, It's anti sex work, Anti porn, And its balanced between leftism and rightism. Relies on understanding how capitalism affects women day to day and reflects on issues even far across the globe. It isn't American centered. You realize the importance of working with men but also against them to maintain some sense of harmony.

Extremist feminism - Anti men completely. You hate them so much you would go lengths just to avoid them. You believe they'll never change, not even in the future. You also hate tras but you want to be violent against them, not help them. You don't get outside much, your fear mongering has completely taken over your brain to the point you have no male friends because you think males are out to get you at every single waking second. You think they're under you and you don't dream of a world of equality, you dream of revenge. You're probably accidentally racist at some points in your life.

[kamiko1234]

Overlord Yukio Fic Idea

Yet another Blue Exorcist brain rot , yet another fic idea.

So may I present : (almost insane) Overlord Yukio

Imagine the following scenario : Some big shot exorcist finds out about Yukio's and Rin's demon heritage and decides both of them have to die. Rin being Rin ofcourse protects his brother but takes a heavy hit when he tries to shield Yukio. They do manage to seal Rin though. The good news are that Rin isn't dead, the bad thing is that he's in a coma and will not wake up no matter what Yukio (or anyone else for that matter) tries.

Now this pushes Yukio of the deep end. And when I say he went off the deep end I mean he fell right into the Mariana Trench. Yukio is psychologically fucked up normaly, but now having lost his last family to someone part of the same organization ? Someone who was supposed to be an ally ? Yeah, that doesn't help at all.

He starts to quietly resent the exorcists, at first it's creeping. Just some scowls here and there. Then Yukio starts to contemplate it all. Why was Rin targeted by allies so much ? Why was he left out of it except this once ? What gave others the right to hate them ?

Now Yukio starts to get REALLY dark. He decides that neither humans OR demons are the good guys here. Both hurt him and his brother. Yukio in his fractured and depressed state comes to the conclusion that both sides need to be lead with a firm hand.

He isn't stupid though. Yukio knows he's not strong enought to achieve his goal by pure power. So what does he do ? He plays both sides. Yukio works himself up in the hirachie of the exorcists while he somehow establishes contact with the Illuminati and ''joins'' them.

He keeps doing that for ages and then, when a good moment comes, Yukio tahes his chance and stadges a coup. And while yes, he isn't as strong as his brother or father, he is a child of Satan. He too can be as dangerous , just he won't defeat his enemies with flames. He can and will do it with stradegy.

So that's where we are at the lowest point and beginning of the 'main' plot. Because Rin wakes up. Yukio who took over Gehenna and Assiah at this point has finally acess to Rin's body. (After he was sealed and fell into a coma the body was sort of just storred away somewhere. The Vatican decalred Rin dead and just sort of tucked away the body. To them having Rin be asleep wasn't that bad. Sure a weapons was lost but a possibly bigger threat was also gone. They didn't even change the clothes Rin wore, not wanting to do anything that could harm the seal. ) So Yukio with his newfound power and recources find a way to remove the seal.

There is a ten year time skip between Rin getting sealed and him waking up again, but to the teenager no time went by. He looks exactly like the day he and Yukio were attacked. Ofcourse Rin is confused. He was saving his brother one moment and the next he wakes up in a forgein bed with someone who looks a suspicious lot like Yukio nearly crying.

Fact is that Yukio at this point is mentally at an all time low. In his years of spiralling into near insanity he sort of put Rin of this pedestal. He illusioned his brother to be this saintly inoccent figure and that everything would get better if he just was reunited with him.

Rin ofcourse tries to help Yukio once everything get's explained to him but something is just wrong with Yukio. At first Rin chalks it up to him having to get adjusted to Yukio being a litteral overlord, but it doesn't go away even after Rin got used to this new future.

Yukio doesn't want to Rin to leave or be out of his sight without knowing exactly where he is. And he notices the looks of fear in the eyes of servants when they pass Yukio. When Rin tries to ask his brother what happened in the past he always changes the topic.

It takes some time but Rin finally finds out about how his brother came to be what he is now and he's ruling as a dictator with an iron fist. Ofocurse Rin tries to stop Yukio ending in the other lashing out at him.

In response Rin runs away from his brother, that is when he meets his other friends. Turns out they created a resistance against Yukio and Rin joins them.

Now it's up to Rin to stop his nearly-insane brother and deal with his serverly traumatized friends.

[phantasyreign]

(the anon whose ask was answered just now.)

I'm glad to hear that. I like your codes, but only recently discovered your page.

I always thought being a free theme code provider was a thankless job, because of the numerous other theme blogs I've visited.

So I'm happy to learn that this isn't the case for you.

As for me, I always used to feel that way.

I have issues with being clingy and needy for people's attention, and as such I would overdo everything - I would make art for them that I'd normally never want to make, write stories I never cared about, and in the end they didn't care about me or who I was.

All they cared about was milking me for things.

Eventually, I started to surround myself with less toxic people.

But I didn't do this well, either.

I dumped all my promises, commitments, and accounts on that site in order to escape the people whom I had tried to get close to, to have a new beginning.

And I'm still not sure if I did the right thing.

Sorry to dump all of this on you - I originally just wanted to answer your question, but looks like I ended up rambling. I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind when you opened asks.

Well, anyways, I wish that you will continue to have such a loving community around you.

Before I continue writing, just wanna say thanks for sharing your story with me anon <3 You're very brave in sharing your problem with someone you've never met before virtually and physically. I'm honoured that you trust me enough to share your problem me. I believe that you just want an outlet to share your frustration with some random strangers and I'm up for becoming that 'random stranger.'

Anyways, thanks for loving my themes! I really appreciate your kind thoughts. I understand your concern, I've also read some posts from other creators that they're tired seeing other people criticising them simply because they 'sell' their themes/pages. These people have forgotten that behind the screen, these creators are living people who has the skills to make money and simply utilising such skills to get the money in order to make ends-meet. I think that maybe the reason I'm safe lies upon the fact that I provide free themes. I'm sure things won't be the same the moment I start to sell themes and pages. But then again, who knows if it ever happens.

In your situation, I personally think that you are very selfless rather than an attention seeker. I understand your feeling since I used to feel that way.

If I can give you some unsolicited advices (feel free to skip if you don't wanna know):

Assuming that those toxic people are your 'online friends,' you first need to understand that your online life does not dictate your real life. it's okay to ditch promises, commitments, and accounts on that site in order to start a new beginning. You are not wrong in that aspect. Heck, I would say all more the more go for it! I don't see it as you, being irresponsible, but rather you're just doing what makes your mind feel good. Besides, it's normal for people on the internet to ghost other people without saying anything. You just need to get use ditching them. You're not responsible for their life anyway since you're just another internet user. If they are your real life friends, then I would say, you need to start to set some boundaries. Some may hate your for that but remember, if there are 10 people who hate you, there are many more who loves you! At least, that's my belief haha.

I'm also selfless, but only to those who will benefit me. When it comes to friendship, regardless whether it's virtually or physically, I always 'appraise' them first before letting them enter into my life. Our brain and body can only take so much and there's a lot more crucial things to think about (yourself, your mental health, your future, your family [if you're close with them], your inner child etc) and why bother letting people who are not worth your life (or your brain capacity) enter your space? Start appraising the value of your friendships with them and see if what they bring to the table benefit you in any way. Similar to romantic relationships, friendship is a two-way-street - you can't expect to keep on giving and giving without expecting anything return. You're not a saint, you're just a human. It's perfectly alright to let go of someone who doesn't reciprocate with your needs. Don't compromise with those kind of people. People say the older you are, the smaller your circle is, might as well start now :)

Know your worth - you deserve better. Your time will come, it's just that either you'll attain that kind of camaraderie sooner or later. It took me 19 years to find people who can accept me for who I am and be the friends that I always dream of. You'll get there. For now, just do the things that makes your happy.

All-in-all, feel free to ditch people who you think is not worth your time, love and brain-capacity. I assure you that what you did is perfectly justified.

Thank you for your kind wishes. I hope so too. I pray for you so that your heart and mind will be at ease. I also pray that you will meet like-minded people who can accept you for who you are and who are worth your selfless-self <3 love ya.

[h50europe]

Why the myth about Steve's PTSD doesn't add up and other inconsistencies

In the last few episodes of H50, PL tried to sell us a mentally broken Steve suffering from PTSD. Only the whole thing came a bit too late. The clip you see is from season 4 and ended up - no, not in the series - but somewhere on the floor of PL's editing room. And why? after Kurtzman and Orci departed, along with their writers, PL took the helm and started turning Steve into a super-soldier. He stylized him into something that wasn't meant to be. Instead of developing the characters, PL began to incorporate more and more hair-raising action sequences into the series and then let Steve fight on the front lines. There was no mention of Steve's mental state, and a lot was explained by PL with: it just happened "offscreen." Yeah, sure. PL can't create a decent character. He can only produce stereotypes and one-dimensional beings. Like Adam. What potential would that character have had had he been turned into Five-0's antagonist? But no. So his role remained diffuse and monotonous. Sometimes even tragicomical.

Back to Steve. When SEAL Team started on CBS, PL also lapsed into SEAL mania. If someone who writes fanfiction were to produce as much garbage as this man did, he would be chased away from every writers' platform in disgrace. PL's Super SEAL also had to rescue his team members from a blazing inferno. Not man by man, no, he flew a helicopter right into the danger zone and lifted a whole cabin out of the burning jungle. If lunacy had a name, it would be PL. While the action became more and more exaggerated and unrealistic, the same happened to the protagonists. After the departure of Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park, PL completely lost his mind. And please, don't blame the writers for the nonsense that was thrown at you. A series stands and falls with the showrunner. He dictates what he wants and passes it on to his staff.

And so, lovable Steve became a soulless robot who only showed feelings here and there. Danny diminished more and more into a sidekick. McDanno became a ship that drifted anchorless through a stormy sea and threatened to capsize again and again. From season 8, it became a reboot of the reboot. PL tried an ensemble show and failed more than miserably. Often the actors just stood around bored. At least that was the impression. The only highlight was episode 8.10. A feast for all McDanno fans. But even here, the outcome of "who shot Danny" was more than insubstantial.

Wait, there was something about SEALs... Oh, yes. Junior appeared on the scene and became Steve's lapdog. I really wondered when there was going to be an episode where he would fetch sticks for Steve. Luckily we had Eddie for that. And because he thought he was so clever, PL invented the episode speed dating. How many subplots can you squeeze into one episode at the same time? In some episodes, you couldn't even take a look at the bag of potato chips without losing the thread.

The case of the week became the yawn of the week. There were so many loose ends that PL then came up with something called retconning. That's what you do when you're no longer satisfied with what was once established in the series years ago, or it no longer fits. But PL went one step further and did the same with the characters. The more the series was dragged out, the more the characters deteriorated and became OOC. It means, often, they were not recognizable at all. And that's where we come to Steve. Because PL, in his desperation, didn't know what else he could do to Steve, and so he killed Joe White. He did it in such a cheesy way with a fake sunset that it made you sick.

Of course, one episode later, there had to be another gig of PL's favorite Barbie. He stuck a fake beard on poor Steve/Alex, so he couldn't even hug Danny/Scott properly. The episode also raised more questions than it answered any. And Steve? He still didn't suffer from PTSD, even though he had now lost Joe White and a fellow SEAL. Everyone is dropping like flies, except for Steve, who is standing like a rock. No matter what. He doesn't need in-depth talks with Danny, nor psychological care, nor any sleeping pills. No, he's doing great. He also opens a restaurant with Danny because apparently, the carguments are already getting on PL's nerves. Unfortunately, this plot device leads into nirvana. The idea was nice, but nobody thought it through to the end. And the merry-go-round continues. Until we get to season 10, where it gets even more absurd. Now PL is almost bombarding us with McDanno episodes, or at least it should seem that way. Oh well, he's already planning for season 11, so a new character has to come on board quickly. While in the beginning, Steve's mother, Doris, dies.

Alex was allowed to take on the subject. Of course, only under the strict eyes of PL. He then nullifies Alex's idea that Steve kills his mother. Because a good soldier and Super SEAL won't do that. Little does PL know. THAT could have been the opening of a PTSD scenario for Steve. However, apart from that, this episode would have had any potential for a multi-arc. Just imagine Steve chasing his mother across multiple episodes. Again, PL stepped in and butchered Alex's episode. You can really feel sorry for the guy. PL at his best or worse? He just can't help it. And then, on the very last meters of the series, he brings someone new, who is allowed to cruise around with Steve most of the time. Because Danny was kidnapped by Wo Fat's widow, PL also invented quite late to have some villain at his disposal. This wannabe mastermind must really have been living under a rock somewhere if she wasn't even mentioned by her husband or appeared earlier.

Because towards the end, PL obviously ran out not only of steam but also of ideas, everything culminated in a wildly illogical scenario. Steve has to live through a dramatic day with Eddie, who stands as a metaphor for Steve (as I said, PTSD was never a thing for Super SEAL), Danny bangs his brains out in a ladies' room with a complete stranger, who dies shortly after that in an accident with Danny's rental car. Apparently, there was no budget to turn the Camaro into scrap metal. Danny then also goes home alone, ignoring the incoming emergency vehicles. Everything remains open at the end of the episode. While Steve expresses his gratitude to Tani and Quinn and says, he would be just as lost as poor Eddie without the dog and all of them. The strange thing is that you never notice anything until that sentence. A few forced dialogues are supposed to make the drama visible, but they all happen way too late or are so poorly written that you miss them.

PL had decided early on to make Steve a Teflon hero. That also means he didn't need to put much substance into the character. Which you can clearly see if you compare the first three seasons to the rest of the series. But towards the end, PL wanted to turn the tide and forcefully rewrote Steve's past. There is a huge difference if you compare Steve from seasons 1 to 3 with Steve from season 10. It is only a sparse remnant of what made this character so great. This change in Steve's personality also affects his relationship with Danny. The witty, affectionate banter degenerates into a snappy, humorless bitch-fest that takes all the joy out of it.

The final two episodes could have been written for any other crime show. As mentioned, we have Cole, who even gets a book'em Cole from Steve, which can only be described as out of line. And it begs the question, was that what Lenkov originally had in mind? Danny out of the show and Cole in? Was the last episode, which mainly featured McCole, something of a test run? Did all the McDanno moments happen only to tear the two apart eventually? Was the real final scene the one where Steve and Catherine take Danny's coffin back to Jersey? Was Danny not supposed to survive? Was that the real reason Steve wanted to get out of Hawaii because he wanted to pay his respects to Danny? And would he really have returned to Hawaii later? Or would he have turned his back on Hawaii? To me, this ending is more plausible than what PL served us. Then, Steve handed over his credentials to Cole instead of Danny, his second in command. Honestly, you can't make the end of a series any more sloppy and dumber than that. And I won't even lose a word about the last 1:30 minutes because I think everything has already been said.

No PL, mission absolutely not accomplished. You created Teflon-Steve. You never wanted him to show any weakness. You turned him into a superhuman who can survive anything. Only to pull the rug out from under him on the last few meters to the finish line and spit on his legacy. How can you dismantle such a great series and its characters like you did? How much do you have to hate something to do that? In the final interviews, the showrunner didn't exactly cover himself in glory either. Everyone who grew up with the series from day one knows that its end was wrong on all the possible levels and that the showrunner is solely to blame for that. It takes a fair amount of egoism and carelessness to drive 10 years at full throttle against the wall. Not many people can do that. Whether you can be proud of that, however, I doubt.

My respect if you have made it this far. Each of you gets 10 extra brownie points for it.

[hitoshiikigai]

Foreign Feelings

anon request: Hiya there Sen!! I love your blog and i would love to read more of your writings. Can i request an imagine for being like a first year european shy student and becoming Nekoma’s manager, she slowly develops a crush for kenma but doesn’t know how to express her feelings because of language and because she thinks kenma won’t return her feelings

‪(o_ _)ﾉ��☆ a/n 「i made it gender neutral, i hope that's ok and if it's not, i can change it to your liking! also, this is my first romance fic in my whole life, i hope it's satisfactory(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ i feel like i just forgot the slowly part-」

‪pronouns used: they/them

‪word count: 2.8k

You continuously repeat your introduction in your head as you wait for your turn. It's ok, you can do this, you've learnt this in basic Japanese lessons, it's just a few lines. Nothing too complicated!

The voice of the person behind you breaks the chant in your mind, "I'm Haiba Lev and..." Your thoughts block out the rest of his introduction. Is he a foreigner too? That name definitely does not sound Japanese but you note of his perfect pronunciation- a screech of a chair moving startles you and you're suddenly aware of the eyes of your new classmates staring right at you.

Sucking in a deep breath, you stand up, doing a bow, the Japanese words tumbling clumsily out of your mouth, "I'm (Y/N) (L/N)- no wait- (L/N) (Y/N), please just call me (y/n). Nice to meet all of you." You keep your eyes on your desk as you bow once again before sitting back down. You pretend not to notice the murmurs and sounds of interest about the two foreign students in their class, busying yourself by preparing your things for the lesson.

Mechanical pencil on the right. Pencil case right above your notebook. The ruler-

"Psst... Hey, you're not from Japan, right?" You turn around to meet glowing green eyes that somehow made you feel like you were looking into a cat's eyes instead. You nod and he grins in what you could guess as excitement. However, before he could say any more, he was cut off by the teacher signalling the start of class.

Maybe he's a potential friend?

After a few lessons of trying to keep up with the lessons taught in Japanese, your brain's finally granted with a break from trying to translate and you can't help the sigh that escapes you as you rest your cheek on your table, closing your eyes.

"Hey Y/N! Wanna have lunch with me?" You open your eyes to see your tall classmate looming over you- right, his name's Lev. Or should you call him Haiba?

You quickly weigh the pros and cons of eating with him. He seems like a nice person to be friends with and having a non-Japanese friend in this less-than-familiar country could definitely do you some good, maybe your Japanese can improve faster as well. But... you were planning to just find some nice quiet spot to listen to music in hopes of preventing the growing headache, a result of an overwhelming first day.

Well, there's no harm, you suppose... "Sure, I don't mind," you agree and you search for your wallet in your bag as Lev waits patiently.

Once he sees you're ready, he smiles widely and starts walking to the cafeteria most likely and you follow him, having to walk slightly faster to keep up.

"Where are you from? I'm half-Russian but I can't speak Russian. Oh! I know a few people here already! I visited the school before the school year started and made friends with people from the volleyball team. I'm actually gonna join the team once they start taking in applicants and-" Lev rambles on and you could only hum or nod, insert a few words of your own when he asks a question until you reach the cafeteria.

"Lev! Here! You're late!" You see a student with black messy hair that spikes up everywhere except for the fringe that covers his right eyes waving his arm. Lev bounds up to the table with you in tow and you can already see a few curious eyes examining you. Your gaze sweeps across the table, an uninterested guy playing with a switch catching your eyes a tiny fraction longer than the others before you look down at the floor, shuffling just a bit behind Lev, your current shield.

"This is Y/N, my new friend! They're not from Japan and I thought I could show them around," Lev claps his hands on your shoulders and moves you forward, putting you right in the spotlight.

Oh no. Ok, deep breaths. A simple introduction, no big deal. It's definitely a smaller group, better than a whole class.

"H-hi..." You clear your throat, cursing yourself mentally for the stutter, and repeat yourself with what you hope was a stronger voice. There's a chorus of greetings and before you even realise, you find yourself squished between Lev and a friendly-looking guy with a buzzcut, who you soon come to know as Kai, after a round of introductions.

How did you end up here? In a gym full of flying balls that could accidentally hit your face anytime? With your arms full of water bottles that you just filled up? You definitely did not sign up for this... Ok, well technically you did, you just didn't know what was in store. Try being a manager just for one practice, they said. Somehow, it feels like you were tricked somewhere along the line.

You hand the water bottles to the boys, jolting slightly when your hand unintentionally brushes against Kenma's. He thanks you quietly and you only nod in acknowledgment, avoiding any form of eye-contact with him and quickly moving on to hand the rest of the water bottles out before going back to the sidelines to watch.

It's really amazing watching them play. Everyone seems so coordinated with each other and the teamwork is seamless. Despite that, there are a few individuals that pique your interest: Yaku who seems to be able to teleport anywhere in the court, Lev with his tall and powerful stature, and more importantly, Kenma with his smart plays. It's like he calls the game, dictating where and how the ball goes and it's a whole experience observing him. Of course, the other members are amazing in their own ways, watching the team play is like watching a well-oiled machine working.

"How are you, Y/N?" Kai asks from beside you, wiping his sweat and giving you a warm smile.

You peel your eyes away from the quiet setter to answer Kai, and also to make sure you aren't caught staring at the certain player, "It's..." You try to find the correct words in your brain as Kai waits patiently for your answer. "It's nice... to watch. Everyone's good." You blush in embarrassment at the simple words you used, not having the full vocabulary to communicate what you really want to say. Kai, being the angel he is, makes a noise of approval and gives another warm smile which at least make you relax.

"If you need help with anything, you can ask any of us," he tells you before going back to the courts. You bow to him which he only waves off, laughing amiably.

After attending a few more practice sessions and having lunch with the team almost every break, you've grown a bit more comfortable with them, especially with Kai and Yaku, along with Lev. The team always tried their best to use simpler words whenever they spoke to you and you're definitely grateful for their efforts. However, there's just one person you've barely interacted with:

Kozume Kenma.

The third years obviously noticed the lack of interaction, especially Kuroo and he made it his own personal mision to try to get the two of you to talk to each other more, albeit with many difficulties.

"Come on, Kenma. You don't think I don't notice you paying attention anytime Y/N talks? You're not exactly very slick, you always pause your games just for Y/N," Kuroo nudges Kenmas side with his elbow which Kenma slaps away in irritation.

"Shut up Kuroo."

Kuroo leans in closer to Kenma, "You can't tell me you don't notice Y/N staring at you during practice? Blushing whenever you're 5 metres away from each other? Or when-"

"Kuroo, please just shut up," Kenma groans and glares at his switch, clicking away at the buttons and suppressing the urge to scream in anger as the words 'GAME OVER' flash on the screen. Instead, he closes his eyes, inhaling deeply before letting out a long sigh.

Kuroo smiles knowingly before his eyes shift over to something behind Kenma.

"Kuroo-senpai? Kenma-senpai? Has Kai-san arrived yet? I need to ask him something..." Kenma stiffens as your soft voice reaches his ears. He bristles at the 'senpai' title attached to his name, wanting you to just rid of the honorific altogether. He was supposed to tell you, in fact, he had been wanting to tell you to just refer to him casually just like everyone does but he never got the chance. How could he when your conversations only last 30 seconds long each time?

Jump. Jump. Duck. Ju- GAME OVER.

He pressed down his buttons more aggressively, a frown slowly forming on his face. Why couldn't he be more talkative? Why is talking so hard? Why is talking to YOU so hard? Lev does it so easily, Kai too, and Yaku and... and just everyone in the team but him.

You stare in concern as you watch Kenma play angrily with his game and you look to Kuroo for answers only to be met with a shrug.

"Yaku will be running late, some class meeting or something," Kuroo stands up and stretches, walking out of the gym, "Meanwhile, I'll go get my things."

The sounds from Kenma's game filled up the awkward silence and you take a moment to steel yourself, walking towards Kenma. "A-are you okay, Kenma-senpai? You look... angry?" At your question, Kenma's fingers still and the sounds suddenly stopped.

Kenma looks up at you and places his switch on his lap before looking away. "I'm okay... I'm not angry." He mumbles and you smile in relief at his words. "Do you want to play?" He suddenly offers his switch to you and you blink in shock, never really having known or seen him to ever share his switch with someone, simply rejecting anyone- save for that tangerine boy from another school- who tried to even get their hands on his beloved switch.

Noticing your hesitance, he places the gadget on the bench, between the two of you, letting you take your time. You look back to search for anything that will clue you in if he doesn’t actually want to do this, but finding none, you gingerly take it, careful not to drop it or at least try to not leave any embarrassingly sweaty fingerprints. You feel Kenma shifting closer to you to get a closer look at the screen and you don’t know if you feel lightheaded from him being the closest he has ever been that you can actually feel body heat radiating from him or from forgetting to breathe. Trying to focus on the little digital character instead and your fingers clumsily hitting the buttons, a contrast to the way his nimble fingers moved with muscle memory.

And if you felt butterflies in your stomach as he occasionally positioned your fingers on the correct button, the butterflies immediately flew away the moment Lev walks in the gym and you were left with just tingling fingers.

You cradle the box of apple pie you bought in a rush from the bakery, trying to tidy up the ribbon you tied around it to make it more presentable. You had asked Kai about what Kenma liked because you knew there was no way you could write or even say anything close to romantic in Japanese, so you figured out you could give him little gifts, you know, actions soeak louder than words, that kinda thing? As you think of the many ways you could say something wrong by declaring your feelings to him in a foreign tongue like unknowingly saying something ridiculous, or stupid, or even worse, something dirty! Lev’s incessant teasing and mock-kissing noises only stopped when you reached the gym.

“Oh? Y/N-chan, who’s that apple pie for, I wonder,”Kuroo gives you a knowing look and blatantly stares at Kenma, who just seems unbothered. You try to reason yourself that he was only concentrating on his game. Ignoring Kuroo, you take a tentative step towards Kenma, making sure you’re in his line of sight before thrusting the box to him, “For you Kenma… Uh, enjoy it!” You blurted out before brisk walking to the equipment room to take refuge, not even waiting for his reaction.

You hear the muffled shouts of the boys and you can imagine them crowding Kenma. You wince in sympathy.

During the whole practice, you had to deflect the many looks and questions the boys gave you. Thankfully, Kai managed to stop them before it got too much. A godsend. Before any of them could corner you after practice, you zoomed past the gym doors the moment you were done with your manager duties, forgetting that you had barely paid any attention to Kenma the whole time.

“Lev, do you know who’s this from?” You ask Lev, holding up the canned drink that was left on your table.

“Oh, that’s from Kenma. He came here earlier to place it there. He honestly could’ve just asked me to pass it to you but he said I would lose it or something. How mean,” Lev huffs but you can only focus on the fact that Kenma went through efforts to make sure you received it.

“Thank you for the apple pie yesterday. It was really nice,” Kenma took a seat beside you, on the same bench you first played his switch together.

“T-thank you for the drink! It’s my favourite,” you smile shyly. The corner of his lips curl up, just ever so slightly, which you think was the trick of the light.

Kenma gives his switch to you, now a weekly routine for the both of you on days he finishes class earlier. The distance between you and him grew smaller and smaller until your elbows brush against his at any slight movement.

This is it. This is the moment. You made a mental deal with yourself a week ago. If you win this level today, the one where you always lose, you’ll confess to him and if you don’t, you’ll simply leave your feelings hidden and buried deep in the safe in your heart.

Your eyebrows furrow in concentration, refusing any help from Kenma (Kenma just ignored the tiny sting in his heart when you did).

In the meantime, Kenma takes the chance to watch you, sharp, feline eyes studying your features. The stray baby hairs peeking out after a long school day, the slight sheen on your skin from the hot and humid gym, the determination in your eyes. Determination? To beat the level? He restrains himself from chuckling at your cuteness. This felt very different when he watches Shouyo play his video games. Kenma just really feels different any time he’s around you.

You abruptly stand up and cheer, “I did it! Kenma, look!” You show him the screen with the words ‘MISSION COMPLETE’ flashing repeatedly on the screen. You grinned widely at him and he smiles back in fondness.

Suddenly, you go all quiet, which concerned Kenma. “I have something to tell you.” At that, he tilts his head, urging for you to go on.

“I… IlikeyouKenma!” Your words end up being stringed together but from the widening of his eyes, he mostly likely understood.

“You do?”

You nod with pink dusting your cheeks, your fingers fiddling with the ends of your blouse. You’re prepared to get rejected, maybe even move back to Europe and never show your face to him again. And if not, at least you could quit the manager position to avoid any future confrontations with him.

“I like you too, Y/N,” he replies softly, but it was definitely audible in the quiet gym.

And if all else fails- wait what? This time, it’s your turn to look at him wide-eyed, processing what he just said.

“Y/N! Did you leave me for your boyfriend?!” The doors burst open with Lev boisterously shouting, Yaku walking calmly behind him with a twitching eyebrow.

You backpedal away from Kenma, dropping the switch in surprise and you scramble to pick it up, saying a stream of apologies to him, wiping away the dust and checking for any cracks.

Yaku, being more aware of the mood, kicks the back of Lev’s knees, adding a smack to the back of the head for good measure, hissing, “Shut up, you idiot!”

You make eye contact with Kenma before bursting into giggles, him just letting out a snort. You’re just glad you managed to confess before Lev could confess for you.

[1 New Message]

Kenma: wanna beat the next level after practice? you can come over to my house for dinner

You: yes! i’d love to!

[tinyboxxtink]

"Caught In The Storm" *Part 5*

I feel like because this was dictated all the language seems off, but I don't know how to fix it! Please let me know if it doesn't sound like my..."voice", if that makes any sense?

Also YUP we might get through this whole thing tonight. Shut up if these are short chapters you're getting them all at once!

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Part 6

----

A few days later, you sent texts to everybody in the squad including Rafael to meet you for dinner at Forlini’s for a “special announcement”.

When everyone showed up they found you with Nathan. The both of you were hanging on to each other pretty heavily, making the squad confused, looking from you to Nathan to Rafael to back to him.

“Guys.. this is my boyfriend Nathan,” You grinned.

“Hello all, it’s so great to meet you!” Nathan gave a casual wave to the squad. “Y/N has told me so much about you all,”

“Really?” Fin raised an eyebrow. “Because she hasn't mentioned you at all,” He gave you a look.

“Well.. I wanted it to be a surprise, Daddy,” You nervously smiled.

“Was it that or did you not want some of us to know?” Fin asked, looking between you and Rafael, who looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable

“No I just didn't know how you'd react…” You said through gritted teeth of a fake smile.

“Oh my God,” Nathan whispered finally realizing who Rafael was.

“Baby.. you never mentioned that you were friends with the ADA!” He exclaimed, making the entire group stare in shock.

“He's a lawyer…” you nervously added. Rafael looked like he was going to be sick.

“It's such an honor to meet you sir really, you have been kind of an idol to me for a long time,” He stared goo goo eyed at Rafael, completely unaware that if he could legally kill him in front of all these people, he would.

“Oh my God,” you muttered. This was going worse than you thought.

“You know I would love to pick your brain sometime if you'd let me sir,” Nathan asked while trying to shake Rafael's hand.

Rafael looked from you to Nathan, to you to Nathan in a bit of a shock but he tried to hide it with an awkward smile.

“You know I really don't think that's a good idea,” you interjected, stepping in between the two.

“Actually you know I think that's a great idea. What was your name again-- Nate?” Rafael suddenly had his charm turned up 90, genuinely shaking Nathan’s hand.

“No I really don't think that's necessary,” You said your gritted teeth while giving him a look.

“Baby don't ruin this for me. He could really help my career,” Nathan whispered to you.

“I don't think you know what you're getting into Nate,” You whispered back while glancing at Rafael, who had an evil smile.

"Why don't you call my office and we’ll set up a meeting? Rafael pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to Nate, smirking at you.

“Sounds awesome!” Nathan beamed.

“Well enough of that let's eat,” Fin jumped in, trying to break the tension.

“Sounds good,” Olivia added as you all had dinner uneventful for the rest of the night.

-----

The next day you stormed into Rafael's office.

“What do you think you're doing?” You asked him.

“What do you mean?” He asked, acting oblivious.

“You know what I mean,” you narrowed your eyes. “What's your game here?”

“What game?” Rafael asked. Just because I want to help your “boyfriend” help his career suddenly I have a problem?” He asked.

“I think we both know that's not what's going on here,” you huffed.

“Why would it be anything other than that?” He kept his cool.

“I thought we've been through this, Y/N. We said we were friends, and I just want to do something nice for my friend,"

The word friend pierced your heart like a knife every time he said it you felt your heart breaking more. But that was stupid, because you had already moved on. You love Nathan, right? And Rafael was just trying to be friendly.

“All right fine,” you rolled your eyes. “Fine, help him. It'll be better for us anyway,”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Rafael asked suspiciously.

“Nothing that concerns you friend,” you enunciated, turning on your heels and walking out of the office.

----

The next few weeks Nathan worked under Rafael as an intern, and he was surprisingly loving every minute of it. Every day when he would come home you'd ask him if Rafael had been hard on him, and Every day he would assure you that it was just because he was trying to make him a better lawyer. But you knew better. You just really hope it wouldn't break him, or you.

Meanwhile, a representative from SMG records had been in the audience one night and asked you to come record a demo. You didn't want to say anything to the squad just yet because you didn't want to jinx it. But as you were in the studio recording your demo song, you couldn't help but wish they were there. Especially because you were singing “Caught In The Storm,” as your demo track.

As you sang the words you closed your eyes and drifted back to that night when all of this started. The emotions you felt, the excitement, the rush of emotions, and the way you looked at Rafael and it all came crashing down.

That moment changed your life. And you were pretty sure that it changed him too. But he wouldn't admit it, and you would accept that, and you were happy with Nathan now. You were in a very good place in your relationship, and you were beginning to fall in love with him.

And that was a good thing, right?

----

One day you were headed home from work when your phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N this is Katie from SMG records.”

“Oh yes, how are you?”

“Great. I just wanted to let you know that we loved the demo, and we would like to record a few more songs with you before I send it up to my higher-ups to see if they want to make a full album,”

“Are you serious? That's amazing!”

“It sure is, kid. I'll call you back later with the details,”

This time you picked up the phone and dialed Fin's number immediately.

“Daddy they want to potentially record an album!” You squealed.

“No way baby girl!” Finn cried that's amazing.

After you talked for a few minutes you hung up. You started to dial Rafael's number to tell him the good news, but stopped before hitting SEND.

Why was he the second person you wanted to tell? You should be calling Nathan. You dialed Nathan's number instead.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby I'm sorry to disturb you at work”

“It's fine sweetie, I'm just here with Mr. Barba filling out paperwork,”

Your heart began to speed up.

“Oh…, then I'll be quick. The record company called me and said that they want to record a few more songs, and potentially make an album!”

“Oh my God baby that’s amazing!!! I'm so happy for you!!” Nathan exclaimed. You could hear him tell Rafael the good news in a muffled voice.

You wished you could see the expression on Rafael's face in that moment.

Was he happy?

Was he happy for you?

Surely he was. You hadn't really spoken to him since Nathan started his internship because you didn't want to make it worse for Nathan.

But all you wanted to do at that moment was see Rafael's face and hug him and have him tell you he was so proud of you. It made you want to start crying.

“Well okay I'll let you go,” You said with tears starting to choke your throat.

“Are you crying, baby?” Nathan asked.

“Oh yeah, but just because I'm just so stoked!” you lied, wondering if Rafael knew you were lying if he heard you. you wondered if Nathan knew you were lying. Rafael would know you were lying, he always did

After you hung up, Rafael smiled at Nathan. “So she got her record deal?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah I guess she did, Nathan smiled back like an idiot. “I'm so happy for her! Things are really starting to look our way,”

“Yeah.. that's great. I'm really happy for you both,” He lied, feeling his heart break more every second.

[thezoe611]

And once again, you have made me very happy with your review, take^^!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story so much. I also started watching Darkwing Duck thanks to the Geronimo saga, and I don't regret it.

Reading your opinion of the chapters that impacted you the most, I must admit that my favorite chapters are 29 (because of the conversation that Goofy has with Gosalyn to calm her down, and how she reconciled with Negaduck), and 39, when Lyn and Christine say goodbye to Gosalyn and the others, and the redhead and Max promise Timothy that he will never be alone again.

Although I know that many may not have liked Ratigan's ending, I think it was correct. The rat suffered great karma by losing his memory and ending up with his brain damaged, this being the same danger he exposed Gosalyn to. Negaduck just finished the job, and although he didn't make the rat suffer as much, he enjoyed it.

Oh, the tragedy of Nega-Scrooge. Even if he had achieved revenge on him, he would not have been satisfied. Killing Negaduck would not bring back his nephews.

I admit that for a moment I thought about writing that Scrooge told his counterpart the truth that Negaduck confessed to him... but that wouldn't have changed anything. Even if he knew that Negaduck didn't kill the triplets and Webby, the old mobster would know that it was still his fault for bringing the Mallard to NegaDuckburg and betraying him... Nothing would have given Nega-Scrooge any comfort.

I wanted to place the conversation between Darkwing and Darkwarrior at any cost, even if that made me write more chapters. Yes, DW is now from a different timeline than the dictator's altered universe, but that doesn't take away from Darkwarrior's idea that the hero is going to fall into despair just like him if anything happens to Gosalyn. And Darkwing wants to prove otherwise.

Now, with the fic finished, I can relax a bit and focus on my tests... although I admit that many scenarios of Timothy's new life as Goof-Mallard, and his school life come to mind. With the last chapter, I left several things unfinished on purpose.

I want to further explore Timothy's teacher, Rosy Starling, and further explain her connection with... "her."

I'd like to do a sequel later (not as long as Unstoppable), but I want to write "Beauty and the Beast" first. It's my new writing goal... but first I have to focus my tests TvT

And again, thanks for the review, take, and I'm glad you enjoyed this project^^!

Hi @thezoe611​ Now that you completed your excellent fic Unstoppable (based on “Geronimo Saga” by @rebellingstagnationblog​​) I need to write once again a review​ about it.

(Sorry for any misspelling^^’)

SPOILER ALERT, IF SOMEONE DOESN’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE STORY AND ITS LAST CHAPTERS 

Wow. What an adventure. Really, I didn’t expect it to be such a suspenseful, tear-jerking and emotional story from beginning to end. You broke my heart so many times that I lost count. But I don’t regret it, because I enjoyed reading this amazing fic. Also, thanks to Geronimo Saga and Unstoppable, I finally watched for the first time all the episodes (not just some of them) of Darkwing Duck (and read for the first time the comics) last year. I understand much better why it’s so popular even now.

I wrote in my first review my feelings until chapter 24 (all the pain that I suffered until that chapter). After that chapter, it was (once again) an emotional roller coaster. First of all, the plot-twists and revelations. Many of them. The biggest would be the truth about Ratigan and Gosalyn’s grandfather, of course. That chapter, auch. The pain was so big. I didn’t expect the truth to be so tragic (And poor Gosalyn, watching all those memories. The description of her emotions when she found out how her parents died was so sad😭).

Also, I’ve cried a lot with many moments of the new chapters that touched my heart🥺. If I had to choose a few moments to describe, will be: 

Chapter 29: Gosalyn talking with Goofy (I cried reading that moment between those two) and later with Negaduck (I loved it. Especially after all the pain they’ve suffered in the fic). Gosalyn really needed moments like those after everything that happened to her.

Chapter 34: Once again, the plot-twist about Thaddeus Waddlemeyer. All the pain that caused his actions and mistakes, and Gosalyn watching all of them was so painful.

Chapter 36: the beginning with Tim’s flashback. I-I cannot express how I felt reading those memories without exploding because of that horrible Mortimer! I hate him! I hate him so much!

Chapter 39: the last scene. Seriously, I felt so many feelings reading the thoughts and emotions of Timothy (Poor kid 🥺😭), then Gosalyn and Max talking to him, and then… then that last moment of the three together, as a new family. 

“…The warmth of a family…”

I was so, so happy reading that scene that I couldn’t stop crying for minutes.

There are more moments, of course. But if I wrote all of them, I wouldn’t know when to stop writing.

The end of Ratigan that you showed… Wow.  Negaduck feelings and thoughts described very well that moment. I couldn’t enjoy that villain’s end like I expected because of the situation in his last moments.   

Nega-Scrooge’s story is a conflict of emotions to me as a reader. He did horrible things to Gosalyn just to take revenge on Negaduck. However, his pain for his loss was so real. (And it’s more tragic with the revelation that Negaduck spoke to Scrooge). I felt sad with the last scene of him talking with Tim.

The discussion between Darkwing and Darkwarrior (another big surprise in the last chapter!) was very interesting (I read it many times)

In addition, I loved the moments of information, revelations and connections (I really like those moments in your fics, Zoe^^). Chapter 39 resolved so many mysteries of the story (even some that I almost forgot^^’) that I enjoyed it.

Once again, I loved how you introduced new Original Characters (It was a surprise to discover new OCs even in the last chapter). Also, I don’t forget all the new mysteries that you showed in the end. They have the potential for new stories.

Thank you for sharing this incredible story of Darkwing Duck, Zoe. I really enjoyed reading it.

I’m looking forward to reading “The Beauty and the Beast"  (don’t worry. Take your time. And good luck with your tests).

[living-after-death-blog1]

The Day My Daughter Died.. (An introduction to the end and the beginning)

I received a phone call from my daughter's best friend, Alli, at about 2:30pm on that day. She told me that she had just left work and was on her way to my daughter's house, after receiving a frantic phone call from my daughter's roommate, Kenneth, who said that he had come home and found her unconscious, with a needle in her hand. He had called an ambulance, he had attempted CPR, and was now waiting outside of the house while the emergency personnel did their thing inside.

I think it was already pretty well established that my daughter was gone, and I think that this was probably communicated to me, but my brain literally wouldn't grasp it. I wasn't devastated; I was terrified. I spent the entire conversation (which was probably at least 20 minutes long) thinking that we didn't know anything yet, feeling like I was frozen, like everything around me was happening in slow motion, and that I was just holding my breath until the moment when Alli could finally get to the house and someone could tell us what was going on. I thought we were waiting to hear that she'd been trànsported or something. It honestly hadn't occurred to me until just now that simply knowing that Kenneth had attempted CPR should have been enough information to answer to the only question that was looping through my mind, over and over, until Alli arrived. "Is she breathing?"

I was 4 hours away, in another city.

Once Alli arrived, there were people everywhere; policemen, emergency responders, tons of neighborhood spectators, and Kenneth, the roommate. I was still on the phone, waiting, while he and Alli had a brief conversation, which I couldn't really hear and I finally interrupted to ask what I thought we'd been waiting to find out this whole time.. "But.. is she still breathing?"

At that point, I heard Alli take a deep breath and, very slowly, and with such pain, she said the words that made it real.

"No, Stephanie. She's gone."

I remember taking a deep breath and saying, "Okay."

It almost felt like, "Well.. Here we are. This is actually happening. You know, that thing that happens to other people, but not your child, not you? It's happening. Right now."

Another deep breath, and once again, " Okay.. "

I remember thinking that I needed to hold it together somehow, because I was going to have to handle and figure out a lot of things, and I really, really needed to be able to think. I just had to think. Figure this all out somehow, as if it were a problem that could be solved.

I did what I've always done when I need to call upon an extreme coping skill. I stopped feeling, and I started thinking. Intellectualizing, my therapist, Becca, the one from my daughter's first treatment center, used to call it.

I called upon that skill in that moment. Think. Think about what other people are going through, feeling, experiencing. Think about how everyone else feels, so you don't have to look at what this really is. Don't even get close to it.

That is the moment that I apologized to Alli for having to be the one to make such a horrible phone call, telling someone's mother that they are dead, and thanked her for being that person, at the same time. I thanked her for being a good friend. I told her I loved her. Said I'd be available for the police or whoever needs to speak to next of kin, and told her to give them my number.

I called my boyfriend first, in a panic; I had to get home, I had to get to Houston, and I had to get there NOW. I couldn't drive, and all I could think was how I needed to get there, I had to get there, and I needed to get there NOW. No answer.

I called my ex-husband (not the father of my daughter, but of two sons, ages 15 and 18, at the time) and, not realizing that the boys were in the car with him or that he had answered on speaker, I started screaming that my daughter was dead, she was dead, and I didn't know what to do. Of course, after finding out that the boys had overhead, I called both of them to apologize that they had had to hear me like that, to hear the news that way.

I don't remember very much of the next few weeks. The things I do remember are choppy, like random scenes from a movie, but I remember those things vividly.

I realized that I had to tell people. Who? Who is the first person you call to announce your daughter's death?

I called my mom first, I think, and I listened to her sob and repeat, "Noooo..." over and over.

I called my daughter's other grandmother, on her father's side, and I listened as she cried and kept saying, "Oh my god.."

I called my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Javi, the father of my granddaughter, who was 8 at the time, and he couldn't believe it, couldn't accept it, either; jumped in his car to go over there. I guess he needed to see it with his own eyes.

I spoke to another of my daughter's best friends, Jessica (she happened to text me, so I thought she already knew, and when I realized that she didn't, I told her to call me. She asked me, "How bad is it?" I said, "Bad."), and then she, too, immediately drove over to the house to meet up with Alli, Kenneth, and Javi.

I couldn't listen to any more breaking hearts at the moment, so as fucked up as it seems now, I just started texting people.

I texted my friend, Sarah, who, along with her entire family, have been like family to us. I don't even know how I said it. I think I said, "I'm so sorry to tell you like this, but they found her this morning, unconscious, with a needle, and she didn't make it. " Sarah immediately called me, and started screaming, " What? What? " as if she couldn't hear me. Her mind, too, couldn't seem to allow this to be real.

I spoke to my friends, Theresa and Joie, sisters, and they immediately offered all kinds of practical help that hadn't even occurred to me, such as setting up a GoFundMe account to pay for funeral expenses. I had been laid off from my job of over ten years several months prior, and so all of the life insurance policies and everything I'd been so used to just having were no longer available, and I had nothing.

Joie also posted on Facebook on my behalf. It was the only way I could think of to let everyone know, especially my daughter's friends, and it was because of all of these people, and so many more, that I have managed to get through this last year.

I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I am surrounded by them. The GoFundMe account reached over $5000 within a couple of days.

My daughter's best friend from middle school is a hair and makeup artist, and she flew in from Colorado to make sure that she was the one who did the makeup for the viewing. That was always their thing, and even though my daughter's addiction had driven them apart over the years, Vikki had to do this one last thing for her friend, and I was happy to have her do it.

Sarah's ex-boyfriend, who knew my daughter as a child, took care of all of the flowers and arrangements.

Sarah's mom has a friend who was able to make a dress for my daughter to wear during the viewing; an Alice in Wonderland dress, because that was always her thing.

Sarah and her mom had already found the cheapest most decent funeral home that they knew of (her mom had used the place for her own mother's service), so I literally spent the next few days just having to answer yes and no questions.

It turned out that since my daughter never divorced the father of her second child (my grandson, Isaac, who was almost 7 at the time), even though they'd been separated and out of contact for a few years (she was engaged to someone else for at least a year), he was her next of kin, not me, and this brought forth a whole host of issues. He doesn't raise their son, his mother does, because he is either 1) insane, 2) brain damaged from drug use, 3) currently using drugs, or 4) a combination of all of the above. These things made the entire process very difficult for me.

They tried to dictate who could be invited to the funeral, which I wasn't on board with. They threatened me by saying that they would have her body transferred to the funeral home of their choosing and they would let me know when and where to show up. They said I could not have any locks of her hair. They said they would not split up her ashes. They even dictated to me that she be cremated, because they somehow knew (having only known her for a few years, and not knowing her at all, really, for the few years prior to her death) that she wanted to be cremated and that she wanted her ashes spread over the ocean.

I won't ever be able to understand why someone would treat the mother of a dead child the way that they treated me, but I've just added them to the list of people I'll have to figure out how to forgive somehow, eventually.

Everyone showed up for us, and I was so grateful for the presence of every single one of them. People I hadn't seen or spoken to in years, such as my ex-husband's ex-boss's ex-wife, lol.

I placed a son for adoption when I was 19, and though I had met him in person once, he and my other kids had not met. He and my daughter had been talking a lot on social media, and he had planned to come visit and meet everyone in May, after he graduated college, but ended up coming in April for her funeral, instead. He never even got to hear her voice.

There is so much I want to use this blog for. I want to document my own journey through this grief. I want to talk about addiction and help destigmatize the way people view addicts. I want to offer resources and maybe even hope. And I want to remember my daughter.

Her name was Jade. She was 26 years old when she died. She was one of the funniest, coolest, most creative, beautiful people you could have ever known. Yes, the addiction was a part of her journey, her struggle, but she was more than that. And I intend to honor ALL of who she was, by speaking the truth.

The truth is that she died from the toxic effects of an accidental overdose of heroin and methamphetamine. But that's just one part of her story, and mine, and I need to tell them both, even if no one ever reads a single word I type. I need to tell these stories.

Since I started with her death, here is a photo recap of what there is to know so far:

#grief #overdose #addiction #loss #bereavement #grieving

[pottergerms]

This is something I see barely written down so i just wanted to talk about it. Everyone knows this: "Harry had never believed he would meet a boy he hated more than Dudley, but that was before he met Draco Malfoy." BUT Harry and Draco didn't know each other that long yet. Dudley on the other hand had been bullying him ALL HIS LIFE, while being spoiled right in front of him. AND YET Harry already developed stronger feelings for Draco than Dudley in the first book.

Dear anon, thanks for this question!

I think his strong feelings about Draco from the first moment are part of why they belong together in my eyes, but not because of the reasons you might think:

First, you need to realise that Harry was raised in a way most of us would never understand. The Dursleys abused him so much, and kept him so isolated and almost suspended from the real world, that it made his perspective on people very narrow and immediate. 

You can see that throughout the series. In a way, the books are about him realising things are not black and white. Anyone Harry meets immediately gets a label about whether he can trust them or not. There’s no in between. And because of that, he fails to recognise people on his side with different ideas of right and wrong, like Snape. That’s the main reason Harry makes mistakes—and that’s ok, it makes him human.

As the series progresses, he starts to open his eyes a bit more to the grey areas, from the Marauders to Dumbledore and, well… Draco. By the time Deathly Hallows happens, he’s much better at identifying nuance and forgiving people for choosing wrong sometimes. That’s why he goes from suspicion to comprehension, and that’s why they save each other.

Also, as a child, he couldn’t trust his own family, and he didn’t have any friends. The only child he was close to was a bully. And that’s my second point: the reason he hates Draco so strongly (besides his… unsavoury personality) is that his only reference for a bully is Dudley, and he immediately fills that spot with another bully. We usually do that—our brains need references to be able to connect our experiences and make sense of the world. 

This time, though, it’s much worse because Harry cares about magic, and that new world is a chance for him to restart his life, to make it better, happier. So to be confronted by someone so similar to his cousin made him question if he would get that chance.

But it’s not just about that. Draco personifies a lot of things Harry didn’t have or dispised, so it’s only natural that they would clash. The beautiful thing about Harry Potter is that it is, more than anything, about these characters converging from complete opposites to different sides of the same coin to (finally) equals. Things happen, things that change both of them, and they become more and more similar. 

I do think Harry felt something unique, a pull if you may, about Draco way quicker than sanity would dictate. It’s weird that someone he barely knew would become such a strong point of reference for him, to the point that he did most things with Draco in mind. But I don’t think the reason for him to hate Draco more than Dudley so early on is that he was secretly in love or something. 

If anything, that would take away a big part of the magic for me. Harry would never be able to love a bully. And I hate bullies, personally.

Only when Draco vacated that spot (of the bully)—and he did it pretty early on, once Harry figured out he was way more powerful or popular— he could see him as someone new, someone he didn’t know before, with no reference whatsoever. And that’s why Draco becomes so entrancing to him.

So yeah, I got a bit lost and I don’t know if I responded your question, but well… there it is.

[happylittlemarmite]

Creative Journal

30/11/20- Week 9

Sessions Themes: This week there was no taught session and instead we were encouraged to arrange a 1-to-1 tutorial with James. During our meeting I explained that I have been “backdating” some of these journal entries and how I’ve found it useful in terms of refreshing my memory on what we learned in class. Although most of these entries are dictated by my in-class notes (or often out-of-class catch-up), being able to flick through the lecture slides in order to decode some of my faster notes in order to extend on them in a way that my brain will be able to understand is huge. I often find myself struggling to understand the notes i jot down when i go back through, and so through doing this not only do i feel it’s better cemented in me memory but I’m also able to change my notes so that they make more sense to me out of context.

DSD: For my Do Something Different activity this week I’ve been working on replacing negative reinforcement with positive. I know I’ve mentioned it before in terms of classwork but “analysis paralysis” is a very real feeling for me and i often decide against approaching a task because I overanalyse it and freak myself out, whereas in reality actually doing the task probably isn't that difficult I’ve just overthought it. Literally the best way i can think to describe it is “paralysis” because in my mind if i start making moves to do the task I’ll become overwhelmed, which then leads to me sitting around and getting upset with myself for not being able to do anything, Such a silly and irritating cycle to get myself into. So recently, in the spirirt of getting my assignments done, I’ve been trying to focus on telling myself “I want to pass fist year” instead of “You should be doing uni work right now”. It’s taking it’s time and I’m still struggling not to put too much pressure on myself but hopefully this can develop into a long-term thing and I’ll learn to become more motivated.

Inspiration: Some interesting media I’ve been looking at this week are “Dance Mom edits” on YouTube. The early 2000s on YouTube birthed a genre of comedic editing known as “YouTube Poops”. “ A YouTube Poop (YTP) is a type of video mashup or edit created by remixing/editing pre-existing media sources often carrying subcultural significance into a new video for humorous, satirical, obscene and profane, as well as annoying, confusing, scary, shocking, surreal, or dramatic purposes.” “ Lawrence Lessig, Professor of Law at Harvard Law School, compared this aspect to a form of call and response, here seen as being prominent within remix culture”(Wikipedia)

When these kind of videos were popular and i was of the age to partake, i didn’t find these edits enjoyable and always thought the over the top and sometimes slapstick comedy was immature and didn’t add anything to the original media it was taken from. Alongside this, i never watched Dance Moms when it was on TV and have only ever seen short clips from it on Facebook watch or IGTV. That's why I found the resurgence of this phenomena so interesting, because it combines two things I otherwise wouldn’t have been interested in and yet i find it so compelling. I think with the rising trend of “Y2K” fashion and aesthetics, older reality TV shows are coming back too, such as Paris Hilton’s The Simple Life and early episodes of Kitchen Nightmares, Which would explain why Dance Moms is all of a sudden all over the internet too. The type of humour is exactly the same, but i think online culture has changed in a way that I’m now able to enjoy these as some kind of “abstract humour” as opposed to thinking it was just “loud noise + warped image = funny”. It may also be to do with my own social development too. Although i was super into the internet as a kid i had very niche “special interests” and so perhaps i just didn't understand as many of the pop culture references at the time and couldn't see the humour in it.

[oncewaserratic]

Amelia was really trying to find herself again. When she came to Seattle, she was finally clean after being the wild child in her family. She was an addict at one point, and really worked hard. But no one really knew who she was, because the person she is now, and the person she was then are two totally different people. Though, she did know some people thanks to her brother Derek and letting her meet everyone. But it wasn't without a little competition. So Link, when she went home with him, it wasn't supposed to be anything more. It was more just them having fun. But then, things happened and here they were. He was like someone she hasn't met before.

Link was different from everyone she has been with. Ryan was the complete opposite and just wanted to get her high and not deal with the world. Then there was Owen when she got there, and things weren't perfect either. At the time Amelia had a brain tumor. She wasn't sure what was going on at the time, so she knew things with them were only the way they were because of the tumor. She wasn't sure what else to do. People started talking as soon as Amelia and Link were seen close in the hallway. But he was new and didn't know anyone, and she was there to help him. But no one has to know about their night before because it is no ones business. But she was okay with those whispers. Just not towards anything else she has done. That is why Amelia agreed to go on a date with him. Away from the hospital and just the two of them.

Getting to know Link, and no one to judge. She felt she could be open with him and tell him things not a lot of people know. She figured if he was going to get to know him she figured she would make that first move. "Trust me, I don't think I want to relive that. It wasn't fun. The surgery wasn't bad either. Just, it took a lot just ironic how a brain tumor got me and I am a brain surgeon." Plus Amelia was a workaholic and she didn't want to really admit that, but maybe being laid in that hospital bed was a blessing in disguise because it made her cherish life a little more, which is why she took the jump and agreed to tonight. She figured she would try because he has been patient and allowed her to dictate everything in this part.

But of course being surgeons, they talk about work and the one thing she is really happy about but also not sure if she should be, is the surgery of Nicole Herman. Amelia is still to a point where she doesn't even know how she did it. Everyone said it is a miracle. But she lost her vision and Amelia can't help but think of that but she knows her being alive is better then her being able to see. "Just how do I even know I didn't do something wrong. I know she said she couldn't live if she kept it, and she is alive, but she lost her vision? Those are the things I question. And I know I shouldn't but I do." She was being honest, but she can't help but laugh after that at the fact Link likes country as she never pinned him to be a cowboy of sorts, and it seems like that is what he is. "And do you ride horses on your free time?" Another laugh was heard from her as she was enjoying herself.

"Yeah, try telling someone that. We were always in competition and he didn't like I was better then him." Amelia knew everyone loved her brother and they didn't know she was better then him. But Link, he was nice and wanted her to see things she hasn't seen about herself. Seeing he has ordered Amelia looks at the waiter. "I will take the salmon and rice with the veggies please." They nodded their head and walked away and Amelia looked at him. "You don't have to suck up to me you know? You have me here, and that is all you are getting right now, so take advantage of it. I am not easy to get on a date."

Continued storyline with @ofbuoyantortho

Amelia knew she was not like anyone else. When she had her tumor, one she didn’t know she had until she did the research Carina was doing. She thinks they might have been the one thing that had made her make the decisions he has made up until this point of her life. Amelia knew marrying Owen might have bene due to the tumor and her just feeling like it was the right thing to do. Now, the two of them were barely talking and they were never on the same page. They have never been on the same page, so it was all a mess. Now she was free the tumor and really just learning to live without the rash decisions for the most part. 

That is what made her want to go out the night before and she was looking for anything, but Link, well he kind of caught her eye and there she was sleeping with him the night. Not that Amelia thought it meant anything, it was all about releasing the stress of the job and just everything else that was going on. He was something else and it was all good things being he wasn’t like most guys she had went for. That might be why most of them didn’t work out. Ryan was the one she thought she loved but turned out it was just the drugs talking on that one. Owen was the tumor. 

Not that Amelia was looking to sleep with Link, but it jus happened and she wasn’t complaining. But what she didn’t expect was to see him at work so soon. It was all about her just getting to the point where she can look at him and now, she was going on a date with him. It took her sometime to agree, but she had no one holding her back but herself and not really seeing where things could lead. She has done that for far too long when it came to people because she was afraid tor really just let them see who she really was. But Link, he never rushed her but she felt this pull and so she had to see what it was about before turning him down and not seeing just where this could go. So was she crazy, maybe but she wanted to just get out and be with someone who didn’t like her for what she does but more for who she is and who they want to know. 

But when she got in that car she wasn’t expecting the music that was blaring from the speakers to come out. Not that she as judging, but she was just shocked and had to poke fun at him and the laugh coming from her said it all. She just wasn’t expecting that but Link was different and she can why now too. Amelia’s ears perk up hearing he has chaps and boots and she couldn’t help but smirk. “So — you really do own chaps. How did I know? I mean, you seem kind of like that guy outside of work, but I have to see them. I really do. Because I have to see this for my own eyes being I have never seen that. So, yes, put me on that list please. I need to see it.”

Laughing low and getting to the table for dinner and she was taken back by the place he chose and she sat across form him finally letting the facade cave and letting him see a glimpse of her and why she is the way she is. Her brother was one of her favorite people and yet he was no longer there and she didn’t really know how to comprehend that a lot, but she has come to terms and able to talk about it. “I didn’t get to say goodbye because Meredith took that away from me. She told no one, and she just made the choice without calling me. So that alone made me mad. She is his wife, but I am his family you know? It took so long for me to actually forgive her in a way. But I will never get that chance again and it just makes me mad in a way. So that is why her and I have an understanding but it doesn’t mean I will trust her with things.”

This is the first time Amelia had been open about that and really just telling someone. Maybe he wasn’t the right person, but since they were on the topic she might as well get it all out. “You really are a sweet talking aren’t you? You know how to make someone smile, and that alone makes me feel better then I have in so long. There’s a lot about me and m y life that people don’t know. So, you make me feel like I am in the place I am supposed to be.” Smiling and meeting his eyes she finally looks down at the menu wondering what she should get from this place. “So what do you suggest to eat in this place? I have never eaten here and want to try one of the best things here.”

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I’d love to add to this actually. So At @crazyeddieme​‘s point Trump is not in charge of the CDC directly nor did he “Defund them” contrary to popular belief. He made them condense down departments with next to no function. All jobs that were dissolved had people moved into other relevant departments. So you’re factually wrong.  As to poor ignorant Brian. Well lets see. This picture sums up part of what i plan to say. 

THIS RIGHT HERE, is why Trump is not at fault. He started making a task force in late Jan when the WHO kept changing their mind as to what was going on. And according to reports they had probable reason to know that h2h was likely as early as the beginning of Jan. The higher ups just ignored it because China was likely paying them to keep their mouths shut. China is NEVER “transparent” because they always want to look like the good guy. 

This ignoring that firms in the US that are owned by china or controlled by people that are loyal to china still, were sending PPE that could have been used by Americans back to the homeland. And do you know why China is not still being ravaged by the virus? (Assuming they are not lying about that too) Because they literally WELDED people into their homes. They could not even go outside at all. Many probably starved to death. So yeah actually China is 100% at fault. Also to touch on the other points those before me pointed out. The Governors are in charge of each state. They have options and choices they are allowed to make by the power given to them. 

But if you plan to tell me that it’s Trump’s fault what about Biden’s “Closing the boarders won’t stop the spread. TRUMP’S JUST A XENOPHOBE” or maybe that Representative in one state that said “TRUMPS WRONG! Go to china town to prove how wrong he is and give our Chinese brothers and sisters a hug” Or CNN, MSNBC, Vox, NYT, The Guardian, and other activist outlets who’s only current purpose in life is to smear Trump. They all said, “PFT this virus is dumb no one needs to actually worry about it”. Then in late Feb early Mar they were like “OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! WHY DIDN'T TRUMP DO ANYTHING!” Because:

1. He would only be able to use that kind of power in a dire emergency. Considering the inflation of the Corona numbers turns out that it was not nearly as world ending as everyone flipped out about. 

2. If he had treated it like a dire emergency and implemented marital law, he’d have been considered a dictator by most of everyone. And then the Dems would have had all the ammo they needed to literally NEVER SHUT UP about him. Which we’d get to hear more of *for 4 year* if he wins. So this time instead of “Russia Russia Russia” we’d hear “Tyrant tyrant tyrant”.

People already call him Hitler. And he’s not. The people that call him that are brain dead lunatics that have no earthly idea what REAL oppression looks like. Also loving to turn a blind eye to all the policies Obama put into motion that Trump is just enforcing. Why? Because Trump is a Dem. A moderate Dem mind you but still he only ran Rep because he knew they had no strong candidates and the Democratic establishment is more or less a cult at this point considering if they don’t like you you don’t get hear. Tulsi? Shut down. Yang? Shut down. Sanders? 2 years worth of shut down. Until the current heads of the Dem establishment pass away we have to deal with their crony bullshit. And unlike the Reps which have been seeing a lot of new blood that are far more moderate than many of them have been in the past. The same can’t really be said about the Dems. 

Anyways i’m going off on a rant at this point. Fact is Trump did what he could given what he had. China screwed us by taking a lot of our PPE. They also screwed us by getting the WHO to lie for them considering they were seeing cases between Oct. and Dec. And they also had no incentive to block travel out of their country because they more or less hate the rest of the world. And had we known sooner we COULD have blocked travel coming in from anywhere unless they were tested for it and were a citizen of here. Hell other countries would have been better off too.