#but I am so so appreciative of everyone's support it genuinely means the world to me
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lots-o-doodles · 11 months ago
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I have gotten so many messages from folks who see what's happening to Jews right now, how literally any statement from us that isn't straight up "death to Israel!" "tear it down!" "river to the sea!" etc. - no matter how tempered in other ways or critical of the Israeli government it is - anything even mildly supportive of the terrorism victims/their families in their grief and/or Israelis deserving to live is getting dog piled to an absurd degree. And yes, that primarily targets Jews (because we're the ones primarily speaking on it) but it definitely is also hitting anyone not Jewish who says this as well. Immediately, overnight, the left has made any position that respects everyone's human rights and allows Jews room to grieve our murdered and missing family and friends without telling us they deserved to die in terrible ways completely radioactive. Like literally even the most milquetoaste statement attracts numerous hysterical commentators. And because it's so toxic, people are afraid to speak up.
And I've now heard from a lot of gentiles that they had no idea how deep the rot of leftist antisemitism went, how they've been seeing this unfold with horror, and are afraid to speak up.
Here's what I'll say: those messages give me a lot of strength, because they help me remember that I'm not insane, that this is horrendous, and we are seeing in real time exactly who would have helped the Gestapo find us if they were sufficiently convinced that this is "decolonization." That yes, the backlash really *is* that bad. I hear that affirmation and I appreciate it, and I understand your fear, because it was mine too. I myself strongly considered at the beginning not saying anything about this until I could do so without being harassed. (I decided against that because I am physically incapable of shutting up when it pertains to my people, but I understand the sentiment.)
Here's the thing: this is never going to end - those people who take seriously the question "are Jews people?" are going to be the vocal minority unless and until we all speak out. Jews are 2% of the US population and 0.2% of the world's population - there are literally more self-identified Nazis in America than there are Jews. I would honestly be surprised if there weren't more horseshoe theory leftists in the world than Jews also.
That being the case, we really do need our allies to speak up with us. I think if we all spoke up at once, it might be enough to break the silence-taken-as-agreement and shame everyone but the avowed antisemites (rather than the thoughtless and opportunistic ones) back into keeping their antisemitism under wraps. Which does have the effect of bringing the mob under control. Jews have faced a ton of mob violence in the form of pogroms throughout our history and backlash to Jewish victimhood. (Tl;dr - "How dare you make me consider how I might have benefited from or been complicit in hurting Jews? This is actually the fault of the Jews." is a disturbingly common thought process.) (You may also be wondering what I mean by "opportunistic;" I can explain in another post if people are interested.)
I know it's scary. I am well aware that you might lose friends from this. I personally decided that if those "friends" valued Jewish lives so little, they were never my friends to begin with, but it's different for non-Jews. They may genuinely be your friends. I'm not demanding you do this for me or my community, but I am asking you to consider what your line is for your friends. And if you are able to talk to them, to ask them what makes this group different from all other groups in terms of deserving compassion and human rights, it may just help us to quiet the mob.
And, if nothing else, just privately reminding those of us who are speaking about it that we are grounded in reality and compassion helps combat the mass gaslighting going on.
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drvscarlett · 5 months ago
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About You Pt 8
Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader
Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.
About You Series
A/N: if you are a mark webber fan, im sorry its for the plot. Also expect a double update because I'll put up Chapter 9 tomorrow!!!
Taglist: @spideybv28@randomcuboidshape @mehrmonga @casperlikej @cliosunshine @honethatty12 @randomgirlnumber-13 @sugyomama @ririyulife @skywalker1dream @vicurious28 @khaylin27 @0710khj @its-elias-world @vizzzashley @allisonwoods @taytaylala12 @miarabanana @ceciii-b @lindsayjoy444
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2011, Hungaroring
Ever since Y/N could remember, Mark was always the one taking care of her. Big brother Mark who would pick her up from school, Big brother Mark who gives her ice cream after a dentist appointment and all that stuffs. It was that reason why Y/N has opted to fly all over different countries to aid and support him in his quest of being the best driver in the world.
There are moments that Y/N wishes that she could have that big brother back but no moment has been much more pressing when she woke up with a pounding headache and a burning feeling.
This was the first time that she got sick without Mark by her side. She reached out her phone and her fingers hovered to press Mark’s number but she hesitated. Y/N was not sure if Mark was okay especially with his crash during free practice and he wasn’t able to get a good spot for qualifying—it is most likely that Mark is already resting. She also knows that Mark is still very upset with her and they haven’t been in speaking terms for almost two months already.
So she calls the other number she knows will pick up.
“Can’t a person get some sleep”Sebastian was half-awake and half-asleep.
“Seb?” Y/N’s voice was weak “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disturb but I don’t know who else to call”
Sebastian immediately stood up upon hearing the voice of Y/N. There was something different about it and it made him extremely worried.
“What’s going on? Are you hurt?”
“I’m having a fever and I just need some medicines”Y/N explained
“Okay, don’t worry. I got this”Sebastian assures “I’m going to the pharmacy and pick up some medicines. Anything else?”
"Just some medicines and then I have everything covered"
Y/N must be joking if she thinks that Sebastian would simply leave her alone by herself. He was already listing down everything that Y/N might need and already including her in his schedule today.
It didn't matter if Sebastian are a few hotels away from Y/N's. He was willing to sneak to be caught into enemy's territory if its Y/N on the line. It didn’t even matter for Sebastian that he is in a foreign country and has no idea where a pharmacy is. Let alone mind that it was currently 4 in the morning and there was not much stores open at this early hour.
Y/N drifted to sleep while waiting for Sebastian. She had no idea what time it was when she woke up but the sun was shining brightly and she could feel a cool towel on her forehead.
“Mark?” she asked on instinct
“Just Seb here” Seb corrects “No need to worry, I have everything here for you”
True enough, the bedside table has been cleared of unnecessary stuffs. The medicines were neatly arranged and a small bowl with a damp towel was carefully prepared. Sebastian also took the liberty of ordering room service for Y/N to eat because medicines shouldn’t be taken with an empty stomach.
“I’m sorry for waking you up”Y/N mutters
“You don’t have to worry about a thing, I am here for you okay?”
Y/N sits up and Sebastian helped her get into a comfortable position. She genuinely appreciates the effort that Sebastian did for her and at the same time she feels slightly guilty that he must babysit her.
“I think I’ll be fine on my own. I just need the medicines and all that”Y/N reasoned out “You have the race in a few hours and Red Bull might kill me if their driver is fatigued”
But Sebastian shakes his head in disagreement.
“Like I said, don’t worry about it. I am here to take care of you as long as I could”Sebastian assures
“But the race?”
“The race is not until 3pm, I can leave the hotel at 12 noon to get ready” Sebastian quips back.
A grateful smile graced on Y/N’s face as she couldn’t fathom how she was so lucky to have Sebastian by her side.
2011, Marina Bay Street Circuit
Christian Horner was in a good mood after they secured the championship for constructor and the driver's. It was not even the end of the season and they can actually pop the champagne and celebrate their impending victory. Truly, Red Bull's dominance was here to stay.
As a treat, he asked to meet with the two Red Bull drivers for dinner. Sebastian immediately accepted while Mark politely declined. Christian could not even fathom how the bloke feels with him missing the championship twice in a row so he lets him be. Upon learning that Mark wasn't joining then Sebastian asked him if he could invite the other Webber.
For Christian, Y/N was like one of his own. Even if she swapped teams, she was still welcome to the garage. It was no issue for Christian.
And so he finds himself seated with Sebastian and Y/N for dinner time.
"So how is McLaren treating you? I hope things aren't too bad there"Christian wondered as he cuts up his steak.
"It's definitely different from what I'm used to but I manage"Y/N smiles.
"Still not in good terms with Mark?"
Christian may act blind but he sees everything. He knows how there is a huge problem between the Webber siblings. He wished he could mediate and stop Mark from firing Y/N but Mark is as stubborn as he can get.
The female Webber just give him a sad smile and it conveyed a lot for the Team Principal.
"I hope he comes around"Christian voiced out "The garage misses you, don't you like to be in a winning garage?"
"C'mon, McLaren is also trying their best"Sebastian teased.
"Well we're still working ion it but Jenson and Lewis are trying their best with the car's maximum capacity"Y/N assures.
"Yeah, I kind of miss Jenson's competitiveness in a Brawn"Sebastian chuckles.
As the Red Bull driver jest, Christian noticed how Sebastian's cutlery was on Y/N's plate. It was expertly removing the bell peppers and Christian scrunched up his face as he couldn't remember that Y/N requested for bellpeppers to be removed.
"You don't like bell peppers?"Christian asked "We could have it removed if you didn't want them"
"Oh don't worry about it"Y/N immediately answered "Sebastian likes bell peppers a little too much and I think its a common habit that he takes bell peppers from my plate"
Huh, Christian says to himself. That was something new that he learns from the German driver and it was a sweet gesture from Y/N.
As the dinner progressed, Christian couldn't help but notice how the two were in synch with how they order their food and share them with each other. Its like watching a married couple but Christian knows that if he brings this up then the two will go around with their bullshit that they are just friends.
For Christian, there is bound to be a good relationship between the two of them. It would be impossible to not have a good one especially when they are willing to swap dishes with one another or share a dessert together. He honestly thinks that he should have brought a partner of his own so he wouldn't feel too much of a third wheel.
At least, this would be a good story for the team principal to recount when the two get married.
2011, Suzuka Circuit
There was a sea of navy erupting into cheers when Sebastian parked at the parc ferme. The cheers were in different languages and he couldn't even decipher every single one of them. He proceeds to run to his team at the barricade who is awaiting for him and he felt like crying for a wonderful season.
At the end of a barricade, there was a woman dressed in orange and white. It clearly stood up from the rows of navy colored gear. Sebastian didn't miss this opportunity to go to her and give her a bone crushing hug.
"You did it, you did it again"Y/N was ecstatic.
It was a joy for Sebastian to finally celebrate with her. He pictured this happening in Abu Dhabi last year but circumstances prevented him from doing so. He lifts up his helmet and then he gave her his helmet.
"I have something to tell you" he whispered close.
He prays that she can hear him from all the loud noises in the paddock.
"Can't you tell me now?"
"This is important, meet me at Red Bull garage after the podium"Sebastian instructs.
Y/N nods and Sebastian called upon Britta to usher Y/N to the safety of the Red Bull garage. He wanted to make sure that Y/N is perfectly safe and he could see her right away after the whole interviews as well as the podium.
This was the perfect timing to tell her exactly how he feels.
Meanwhile, Britta navigates Y/N back to the familiar Red Bull garage. The younger Webber was confused of what Sebastian wanted to say that is so important that he has to say it in private.
Could it be, she thought about the possibility.
"Britta isn't there anything that you can tell me about Sebastian's weird behavior?"Y/N begged.
"I'm sworn to secrecy" Britta giggled.
Of course Britta knows. She also knows that this is all that Sebastian has been looking forward to in the Japan GP. Britta was the only other person besides Sebastian himself that he would ask her out if he wins his second championship in Japan. She is trying her best to contain her emotions because Y/N seems to be so confused about the whole situation.
"Oh just tell me now, I'm getting so anxious with all of this secrecy-"
"Y/N? What are you doing here"another Australian accent filled the air.
The gears in Britta's head were already turning because this has been the first encounter of the siblings in months and here she was in the middle of it.
"Didn't know I need permission to be here" Y/N responded cooly.
"I think you should especially when you are from the enemy's side" Mark spat.
"Now, I'm an enemy?"
"You moved to McLaren, what are we supposed to do?"
"You fucking fired me"Y/N defended herself "I need a job to sustain myself"
The tension between Mark and Y/N is at its peak. Mark looked like he regretted the things he said but his pride has prevented him to admit that he made a mistake. Y/N, on the other hand, is close to crying. Britta couldn't fathom how much pain Mark is putting Y/N in with his words.
"You should have left this world"Mark stated "You don't belong here"
Y/N dropped the helmet that she was holding. The tears immediately flowed out of her eyes because it was one thing to be constantly told that she doesn't belong in this field of motorsports. She encountered that daily with a lot with its male dominated community and she learned to tune it out. But its another thing to hear it from her own brother.
The tears were no longer because of sadness but pure hatred.
"You are a piece of fucking work Mark"words uttered were laced with venom.
Britta couldn't do anything as Y/N turned to leave in a hurry. She wished she could do something other than glare daggers at Mark and plot the worst kind of PR treatment possible.
Sebastian have to try another day because clearly Mark just ruined his chances today.
2011, Interlagos
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Webber wins his first and last of the 2011 season in front of his family.
Dianne and Alan Webber flew all the way from Australia to Brazil to support Mark in his final race for the season. Much to their surprise,they witness Mark go into the top podium spot for the Sunday race. Both the parents are thrilled with Alan saying that "Mark is a very promising driver that is ready to challenge Sebastian for the coming years." Mark is also very grateful to his parents and dedicater the win to them during the post-race interview.
Fans noticed the lack of Y/N Webber during the celebrations. Rumor has it that the former Red Bull employee and now McLaren press officer, is not in good terms with her brother after her move to McLaren. She has been out sight through the whole weekend and she wasn't even spotted during the celebratory family dinner.
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Webber siblings caught feuding with each other.
Sources say that the presence of Alan and Diane Webber was not merely to watch Mark race but negotiate between the feud of Mark and Y/N. It has been several months since we last saw Y/N anywhere near Mark and when asked during the interviews about her, Mark refused to answer that question. There is no clear reason how and why it started but everything leads back to Germany where Y/N first donned the orange-white colors of McLaren.
The paddock is currently circulating with a voice recording of a conversation between the two siblings in Mark's driver room. It seems as if Y/N tried to reach out with an olive tree by congratulating Mark but the Red Bull driver was not having it. The recording has been taken down and no one had a full transcript of the whole fight.
Sebastian has been nursing his drink for the past few hours. He knew that he had to be sober because clearly Y/N has a plan to drink the whole place down.
In all the years that Sebastian knew Y/N, he never saw her like this. It was weird how utterly shattered she was and she wouldn't even tell him what Mark said. She just wanted to drink her pain away.
"You should better stop or you'll regret it tomorrow"Sebastian reminded.
The girl raised a middle finger as she proceeds to drink another bottle of beer.
"What even is that point"
He was quite thankful that this was a private bar and no one seems to recognize them. He has already seen the articles and if the media got a whiff of this then it will be a field day for her.
"You can reconcile over the winter break,you live in the same house"Sebastian argues.
"Used to"Y/N clarifies "Used to live in the same house"
Sebastian was confused. He didn't know if this was sober Y/N talking or is this just plain drunkeness.
"They kicked me out. They say I'm a bad daughter, a bad sister, a bad person"Y/N spilled.
If he could only assure her that she is never any of those things, Sebastian would already have. However he knows that his words cannot compare to what she heard from her own flesh and blood. He just gives her a comforting hug to calm her.
"I don't know what to fucking say or do right"the sobbing comes now.
"There there"
It was a moment of silence except for Y/N's cries. It was already past 2 in the morning and the bar was almost empty so they were given the privacy that they need. Sebastian felt upset he couldn't do anything to help her.
"Where do you go now?"Sebastian asked.
He could offer a place back in Germany for her to stay or maybe somewhere near Milton Keynes.
"Michael and Corinna wanted me to stay with them"Y/N answers "And then maybe by January, I'll look for a place in London so its closer to work"
It must be a weird feeling for Y/N to be suddenly forced into this new situation and Sebastian knew how scared the girl must be.
"You'll be alright, you are not alone"
He holds her hand and Y/N leaned on his shoulder for balance.
Sebastian already resigned the idea that he will confess his feelings. There is clearly a lot on Y/N's plate right now and its not a good timing to add more to her worries. If having a good friend is what she needs then that's what Sebastian would be for the time being.
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bloobydabloob · 3 months ago
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Your art is genuinely one of the most inspiring I’ve seen in ages. Immediately upon discovering your blog, I was mesmerized by your creativity bleeding into and staining each piece you’ve posted. Don’t know a lick of Homestuck, but it’s unnecessary to when your art tells me all I need to know without saying a single word. I can grasp why fans of the comic hold it so dear when you paint such a beautiful image of it. (figuratively, not referring to your actual paintings, LOL! Does this count as a pun?)
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Sorry, this is just an unrelated doodle because I don’t have any relevant images to add.
I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to tell me this, thank you. I know it is just like a little act of kindness to you but nice messages mean a lot to me and I wish I could properly project how glad I am to have kind people supporting my art in *any* amount. I’m someone who gets very easily stressed out running accounts so talking to people is what makes it worth the hassle for me. I’m glad you like my art and that it inspires you and anyone else reading this who may feel similarly, I hope I don’t quit art and that I keep improving.
I also do very much recommend giving Homestuck a read if you’ve got the time. The fanbase is unfortunately something I don’t have much of a positive view on but even if it is just some internet comic, reading it growing up is definitely something I wouldn’t take ever back. It has some of the best character / world building of anything I’ve read thus far and it has always just stuck with me. I’ve never had a homestuck friend that moved on from it, which is something I rarely find. I think it appeals to everyone in a different way because of the writing and how vast it is / how many bases it covers. I’m sure that if you ever read it you would find your own connections within the comic. I know though that my drawings are less connected with the atmosphere of the comic itself and infinitely more attuned to my own interpretations and feelings towards the characters, but I also think there is already enough more fitting homestuck art for me to just draw whatever.
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Anyways here is my cool new print I got for my wall from @/ReptileEnclosed’s InPrnt, and here are just some of the nice things people have said to me that stick in my mind. Every time someone says something I appreciate I screenshot it and add it to a folder called “Nice Words”.
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russellsppttemplates · 8 months ago
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It's just the beggining (Oscar Piastri)
Oscar hasn't done or said anything, so you're taking matters into your own hands
Note: english is not my first language. It's my first Oscar piece and I'm nervous posting this, but hopefully you enjoy it! 🫶
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Cw: mentions reader's grandparents' health issues, mentions the situation with McLaren and Daniel, insomnia
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog
"Hey, Y/N!", James called you once he saw you walk by his classroom, "hey", you greeted back, adjusting your books on your arms.
"There is a new kid, I'm sure you know, Oscar Piastri his name is, and apparently he's staying the long weekend too, like you", he trailed off, not knowing if he was stepping further than he should.
"Yes, I am staying, it's okay to talk about it", you gave him tight lipped smile, "well, I was hoping you'd keep him company - he's a bit shy, but he's very fun to be around and the teacher also thought it would be good since you're both staying", he reasoned as you nodded.
You had to stay back because your grandparents didn't live in England, and because of their old age and problems that naturally arose with that, your parents had to fly out and spend sometime with them, meaning you didn't have anyone back home, so you stayed. As for Oscar, you found out that he was staying back because his family was in Melbourne.
"At first, I just had online schooling, but it got trickier to manage and my dad needed to go back to work so I had to stay back", he explained when you asked him why he was there, "and I hope I can focus on racing, but you already know that", he scoffed softly.
"I don't think I do, I'm sorry", you narrowed your eyes, genuinely unaware of what he was talking about.
After he told you all about his career until that moment, as well as his hopes and dreams, he chuckled, "you really didn't know?", he wondered.
"I didn't! The girls said something about you moving here but I didn't listen much, I'm not that into gossip and my memory is like Dory's, I can never keep up with the latest who likes who and who flirted with what's his face", you earnestly replied.
For the first time since he arrived at the school, he felt like he could really trust someone and he could hope for new friendships on this side of the world.
You were there for his final race in F4, clapping at him on the podium, and even F3 and F2 despite your university deadlines, always making sure you could support him in every way you could.
"Hey, Osc", you said over the phone, setting your pen down the desk and swivelling in the chair. You wanted to get as much knowledge and experience as possible, so you applied to do a internship in a physiotherapy clinic near your apartment during the summer.
"Hey, Y/N, how are you doing?", he asked as you could notice the antsyness on his voice.
"I'm good, it's a bit of a slow day here, my supervisor said I could read up on a few articles", you mused, "is everything okay?", you asked.
"I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight", he began, "you can come to my flat if that's okay, I'll order something in since I can't be trusted in the kitchen", he suggested.
"Fine by me, I'd like that, sounds really nice", you smiled, "I'll see you soon, then", you added, not wanting to dwell much on the fact that he didn't answer your question.
When you left the clinic, you walked to Oscar's place since the sun had graced you for the day and it was still nice to be out. Knocking on the door, you waited for him to open it, "I'm still in my scrubs as I didn't see the need to change", you said as you walked inside, hugging Oscar after dropping your backpack on the floor.
"Hey, you look nice, don't worry about it", he smiled as he led you to the living room, "I had to go and get the take out myself, but it's still warm", he said as you sat at the dining table.
"Now can you tell me if there's something wrong?", you wondered as you poured some of the wine he kept for you at his place on your glass.
"I have something to tell you actually", he played with his glass while he fought the smile on his lips, "this weekend I finally had some conversations with McLaren", he began.
"McLaren?", you asked as you served yourself of the food in front of you, taking some bimi brocoli and then some of the warm noodles.
"Yes, McLaren. We finally spoke about contracts and, this morning, I signed the official driver contract for next season", he stated as if he was saying that the sun had been out today.
"You did what? Since when has this been in the works?", you gasped, dropping the kitchen utensils and looking at him intently, "you're driving for McLaren next season?", he nodded, "like, driving on track? Oh my Goodness, Oscar! That's amazing!", you got up and hugged him, "why didn't you lead with that?", you pinched the nape of his neck playfully as you kept the tears from falling from your eyes. This was his dream and he was getting to live it as early as the end of the year when pre season preparations began.
"I didn't want to tell you over the phone", he shrugged his shoulders.
"But how? This is huge, Oscar!", you smiled, your teeth showing and eyes squinting with how high your cheeks rose.
"There were a lot of conversations about it, specially the last few weeks", Oscar explained, "they still want to keep it quiet", he warned.
"So you're driving alongside Lando?", you wondered. You only followed motorsport and the Formula series because of your bestfriend, so the assumption you made was based on what you had seen and read.
"Yes, hence why they want to keep it quiet, I've only told you and my family", he mentioned, "my manager knows that, obviously, but I really need you to keep quiet about it", he smiled.
"Absolutely, don't worry!", you assured, "this is so amazing Oscar! You're going to drive in Formula One! Aren't you amazed?", you beamed.
"I put in the work too, you know?", he dramatically feigned offense as you hugged him tighter, "this is your dream, Osc", you cooed, letting the tears fall freely down your cheeks as you swayed you both around, "I'm so proud of you", you hiccuped, holding his head close to your lips so you could kiss his forehead.
"Let's eat, this is getting cold", your best friend urged as the situation for more intimate and brought you closer and closer to the thing he had been avoiding for nearly a year.
The feelings he had been arbouring for you weren't just friendship. How could he keep himself from being in love with you? You had been there with him and for him when he was alone in a new country, being the other shy kid that spent the long weekend im boarding school, and since then you had been attached by the hip. You were kind, caring, intelligent, beautiful inside and outside and anyone would be a fool to not see why Oscar felt the way he did about you.
.
"I'm just going to a training camp, Y/N, I do these every year!", Oscar reasoned as you groaned.
"Who am I going to complain to about university? Or how noisy my neighbours are? I'm going to die of boredom", you stated, "when you come back, I will have ceased to exist because of boredom and lack of attention", you exaggeratedly threw yourself on your sofa.
"You won't, silly", he chuckled, pulling you up since his trainer was picking him up soon, "you're going to go out and enjoy yourself, okay? You'll barely notice I'm gone", he tried as you helped him with his suitcases down to the door.
"I'll miss you", you muttered as you hugged him, "enjoy your training camp!", you smiled as you pulled away, waving at him before you made your way to your place.
Getting on with the project you had to hand in at the end of the week, you got it all through to the end, leaving time to proofread later.
You clicked on the folder where you kept your photos and videos, looking through them and reliving all of the memories you had in there.
Most of them had Oscar somehow, wether it was a screen grab from one of your FaceTime calls when he was at races, picnics in the park and lazy days at your place.
You had to admit it, for your sake and Oscar's sake as your friendship was on the line. At first you thought it was just the fact that a boy seemed to want to spend time with you, so you put it to that. Recently, however, things changed perspective and you felt stronger feelings and emotions when you thought about him.
You loved spending time with him and cherished every single hour he chose to spend with you whenever he didn't have racing related duties. Every time he hugged you, you clung just a little longer to feel hia body against yours and his arms enveloping you.
Whenever someone approached you in the rare times you went out clubbing with your friends, "I have a boyfriend" became more a wish and a need rather than some made up excuse to get guys to leave you alone.
So, to sum it up, you either had an honest conversation with him or continued to dwell on feelings you couldn't keep to yourself.
.
"Y/N just sent me a picture of her notes, can you believe they ask them to know all of that?", he showed his trainer Kim while they had lunch after a strenuous workout.
"I had to learn most of that, too", he said nonchalantly, not necessarily diminishing your competences and intelligence but letting Oscar know that maybe his infatuation with you had a source elsewhere.
"Y/N is very smart, I'm sure she'll do really well - oh, she sent me a picture, she's all dressed up!", he said as he inspected the mirror picture. He assumed it was a requirement for your presentation, as you usually preferred comfy attire, since you had a pair of trousers and a shirt, some small heels on your feet and your bright smile that left him feeling butterflies in his stomach every single time, "she looks gorgeous", he said as he texted you the same words along with wishes of good luck.
"Something you'd like to say?", Oscar quesioned when he felt Kim's eyes on him as he put the phone back on the table, screen down.
"I'm just here wondering why you're not together", the trainer offered simply after he wiped his mouth on the napkin.
"No, we are not together, at least not yet", he mused. The thought had crossed his mind, admitting how he felt about you before the season began. If everything went belly up and you didn't feel the same and didn't see him that way, he would occupy his time and channel all of his energy into racing; if you did feel the same, he would have been worrying for nothing and would have a extra spring up his step for his first season in Formula One.
"Good to know you're working on it", Kim waved his fork at Oscar, "now we need to finish this and we'll do some recovery stretches", he announced as Oscar groaned, prolonging his meal as long as he could.
.
Today, Oscar was coming back from Lanzarote and you couldn't wait to speak to him. Lately, it all dawned on you.
It happened a couple of nights ago, a slight insomnia episode keeping you up when you thought about what things would be like from now on. Oscar would travel a lot more, and he would be in a much public role compared to his previous one. It would seem stupid to other people, but a lot more people would know him, and you were sure they would fall in love with him. How could they not? Hence why you wanted to quit those thoughts while you were ahead of them.
I'm on the cab to your place, it should take another 10 minutes and Can't wait to see you, Oscar texted you just as you finished tidying your living room.
You missed him dearly, so when you threw yourself into his arms, you didn't let go as he kicked his suitcases into your apartment while still holding close to him, "I kind of need to get my backpack off my back, and I can't do that if I don't set you somewhere - only for a bit at the very least", Oscar suggested after trying to balance you against his body with one arm but he didn't feel safe enough to let you go without you falling.
Reluctantly, you got back down, feet back on the floor as he discarded his backpack before he tapped your hip twice, "up again, I want a proper hug", he mumbled as you jumped back, his hands protectively holding your thighs up as he nuzzled his face on your neck, "I need you so, so much", he sighed.
"I missed you too", you replied back, "and I don't ever want to miss you like this when I don't know how to feel about you", you forwarded. Now or never, you thought as you jumped out of his hold and faced him.
"I missed you like I have never missed you before, not even when you go a visit your family or when you went away for triple headers - and I've been trying to understand why and I finally realised what it was. I like you, more than friends like eachother - for Goodness' sake, I'm in love with you", you chuckled nervously as you admitted it out loud to him, "and everyone else will love you too - I just know it -, so soon enough you won't be my Osc anymore and I couldn't not tell you. People - and these gorgeous girls all over the world - are going to like you so much and I won't be able to compete with them, so I'm just telling you how I feel. You can leave if you want or we'll just stay here in silence of that works too, but I needed to admit my feelings", you let out in one go.
Oscar smiled, a big teeth and gums showing smile as his eyes crinkled at your words, "I'm not leaving, and we are not going to be silent - at least immediately - because I want to tell you how I feel", he began, "I'm in love with you too; I have been for about two years and only realised it a year ago, and I don't want to pretend anymore. I want to be able to kiss you, to hug you, to take you with me wherever possible, to sleep next to you, to argue with you, I want all of it. With you", he said, hand cupping your cheek as his eyes asked for consent to kiss your lips.
It was as you dreamed it would be, soft, gentle and caring, lips moving in sync as you held him by his waist, pulling him closer to you.
"I thought I was loosing you to the whole F1 fandom", you chuckled, looking up at him once you pulled away.
"Of course you won't, you're my best girl", he winked, "this is just the beggining for us", he added as he pulled you to cuddle on the sofa, sharing his stories of the past days as you revelled in the feeling of being in his arms.
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kiryoutann · 16 days ago
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Before reading, please check series masterlist to read the warning(s), disclaimer, and to make sure you’re on the right chapter. Minors do NOT interact.
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TW: attempts of physical abuse (throwing objects), basically reader's mother being a really horrible narcissistic abusive person.
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[Please read while listening to this.]
Listen to that. The opening strains of that old Elvis classic began to swell; a hush fell over the assembled guests. All eyes were drawn to the dance floor where Sabrina now stood, radiant in her lovely gown, and Andrew looked at her with such veneration, as if she had hung the very moon in the sky. In the arms of her now-husband for their first dance as a married couple, the newlyweds shone brighter than the stars outside the manor.
Sabrina’s cheeks flushed rosier than any wine—joy, adoration, and yes, a little champagne too—had left her glowing in a way you’d never seen before this man came into her life, and your heart swelled with happiness for her.
When at last the song ended and they shared a lingering kiss, you joined the room in applause. Someone handed them a mic, and the two tried to pass the mic to each other until Sabrina was the first to give a speech. Andrew squeezed her hand, gave her an encouraging smile, and nodded.
Clearing her throat, Sabrina spoke into the mic. “Hi, everyone,” she began, voice ringing out sweet and clear through the speakers. “I just want to say thank you all for being here on this special day. Sharing it with my family and friends who mean so much to me has made it truly magical.” Another applause returned her gratitude before receding again when she was about to continue.
With misty eyes, Sabrina then turned to her step-father. “I want to thank Jim, for raising me as your own since I was little. You’ve always been the best dad a girl could ask for.”
Then, you watched her smile at her mother. “And Mom, where do I even begin? You've been my rock since day one. From keeping me sane while wedding planning to celebrating with me every step, you know I wouldn't be here without you. I wouldn't be the strong, independent woman I am today without you and Jim. I love you both so much.”
When Sabrina's parents—Jim and Joyce—approached her and gave the couple a big hug, another round of applause arose from the guests. But as Joyce placed a final kiss on Sabrina's cheek before stepping back, the world seemed to dim around you.
Suddenly, everything is so foreign—the image in front of you was never presented to you. Aunt Joyce looks genuinely happy for her daughter, and Sabrina hugs her like she cannot imagine life without her mother—which, at some point in your life, you did believe too. Mother’s words, “You won’t survive without me,” ring like angry bees.
Yet now, the thought of sharing a roof with her again feels unbearable.
Joyce and Sabrina look... uncomplicated, despite your mother's statements about how your aunt wasn't prepared for motherhood. And suddenly, everything feels numb, and you're disconnected.
In your reverie, you missed some of the speeches, only blinking back to reality when Sabrina and Andrew’s enthusiastic cheers echoed through the room. The crowd roared as the romantic notes of the new music played, “Until I Found You” inviting guests to join in the dancing.
As you do at the few parties you’ve been invited to in your entire life, you stay away from the dance floor and become a loyal wallflower. However, this time, with a companion—a better people-watcher than you, Simon. The man sweeps his brown irises around, examining people before one makes him chuckle under his mask.
“Look at that old man, still got it in ‘im, eh?” He commented, his tone tinged with amusement.
Your gaze trails Simon's. Among the dancing couples were your other uncle and aunt, their smiles highlighting the lines on their seventy-something faces, clearly having more life in them than many of the younger ones. You chuckled to yourself.
“Actually, that’s Uncle Mick and Aunt Sarah,” you reply, watching the old couple share a laugh amidst the music. “They’ve been married longer than I’ve been alive. Slow dancing is kind of their forte.”
More people-watching, but you fail to notice how often Simon steals glances at you between his own. And by the luminosity of your eyes, he is drawn like an insect in a blazing fire. His slow, "near-dying" heart has yet to realize the change in him. Simon plays on the edges of the rotting wood.
Straightening his gaze, he strikes up a question: “If that old bugger can still cut a rug, why ain’t the famous ballerina ‘avin’ a spin, eh?”
You couldn’t help but laugh at Simon’s gruff invitation, the sound bubbling up from deep in your chest with a foreign carefree ring that you didn’t recognize. Meeting his eyes, you saw amusement there but also something that told you he was serious. Heart tiptoeing at the edges of your ribs, your fingers busying themselves with their own bustle.
Biting your lip, you gazed up at him through your lashes, feeling a smile curling the corners of your mouth. "I don't know," you shrugged your shoulders. “I might suck at slow dancing.”
Simon scoffed. “Absolute bollocks.”
At his disapproval, your smile widened, teeth peeking out from behind those pretty lips. You gazed up at him, searching for something intently.
Somehow in that moment, the noisy celebration around you seemed to fade into a blur, narrowing your world until it was just Simon standing before you. Your chest warmed, as if caressed by the sun on a lush spring day. Capillaries rushed, painting your bones pink. Pink.
Gathering your courage, you mimicked Simon's invitation. “Unless... you're willing to be the judge of that yourself?”
The question came out just above a whisper, heavy with promise. With your heart dangling at the tip of your throat, anticipation mixed with anxiety gnawed at you faster than any termite. Simon gave a subtle nod towards the dance floor with his chin.
“Come on then,” he rumbled.
As Simon led you, you couldn’t help but feel like Cinderella herself; this room made a fairytale for you. He wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pulling you close so your bodies swayed as one. You shyly wrapped your free hands around his neck.
The romantic music continues to flow, caressing your ears with the singer's warm voice, Stephen Sanchez, if your memory serves you right. The merciless thumping in your ribcage persists, and you wonder if Simon feels it, if he has his own version resonating in the hollow of his chest. Settling into a slow sway, you feel his shoulders relax.
“You’re not gonna turn into a swan on me now, are ya? Would be a right shame to ruin such a lovely dance.” Simon asked, tone lighthearted. After mentioning your upcoming ballet performance, he doesn’t slow down his series of jokes about it.
You threw your head back in laughter. “You know that’s not how the story goes.”
Simon's grin grew wide beneath his mask. Cocking a brow, he said, “Oh yeah? Enlighten me then, love.” He challenged.
Taking a deep breath that lifted the smile still on your face, you began the long story of Swan Lake—about what happened to Odette and her flock by the sparkling lake and mostly things you had memorized many times. "So when Siegfried finally learns the truth, it’s too late—Odette ends her life by jumping from a cliff.”
“Fuckin’ ‘ell,” he reacts, and you let out a girlish laugh. “That’s tragic.”
You shrug. “I always thought it was kind of romantic.” You giggle again—God, the way this man can make you giggle like a silly schoolgirl—when you see the reaction reflected in his eyes.
“You’re a right bloody psycho, you know that?”
You deadpanned. “I’m not a psycho.” Your tone was flat, trying to be serious but the stubborn grin that followed ruined it.
“She should’ve just gone for another bloke.”
You rolled your eyes. “No, she can’t. She’s been cursed to be a swan forever.”
“Then she should’ve just lived out ‘er days as a swan then,” he said with pragmatism, very much lacking the charm of a fairy tale with all those logics. “Should’ve chased that arse’ole prince all over kingdom for revenge instead. Give ‘im a good peckin’.”
You exhaled in exasperation, but your lips held back a smile. “Please just stop talking.”
Simon chuckled, and fortunately, for his own good, he did. The music was nearing its end, but you were still swaying. Something caught his gaze over your shoulder. He looked back at you, raising a brow to make a suggestion.
“Should we do a spin?” he asked.
“What?”
He nods his chin behind you, and you follow suit—a young couple laughing as they twirl. “Should we give it a go?”
It's somewhat whimsical, somewhat absurd, that not only is this hulking man dancing with you, but he also wished to twirl you like you were partners in some grand ballroom. Yet, as you stare into his smiling eyes, you swear there’s a hint of excitement in them. And what good is a ballerina without a performative twirl?
“Okay,” you accepted his offer.
You placed your hand in his, feeling the rough calluses of his fingers but somehow right against your skin. At your subtle cue, Simon raised your joined palms, spinning you outward in elegance and then back into the solid wall of his chest.
“One more time.” You said, and he did as you asked.
You cup his mask-hidden jaw, feeling for each woven polypropylene against your fingers. The plum of your smiling lips swells with desire, and without thinking, you press your lips to his cheek. Your heart skips a beat, gripped by a jolt of trepidation, fear, and regret that perhaps you have crossed a line, that you might drive him away.
But Simon doesn't.
Instead, he seized your waist and drew you close, eliminating any distance between you. The air was snatched from your lungs in a stolen gasp with the force of his possessive move. Like a lover accompanied by passion as he reaps longing.
(I swell with hope, in the sweet desire of a girl seeking love.)
“I’m dyin’ for a smoke.” He confessed.
You glanced around at the lively party still swirling around you. Turning back to him, you suggested, “Should we slip out the back then?”
“Sure.”
Smiling up at him, you gave his hand a gentle squeeze before untangling them from your waist. “You go on ahead—I just need to swap to flats real quick.” You gestured to the high heels that had been enveloping your throbbing toes for hours.
As Simon nodded and turned to go, you hurried off the floor, limping just slightly. The celebratory noise faded as you stepped to the left side of the manor, where the hallway to your room stretched in silence. You turned the doorknob, and the old wood swung with a low creak.
Walking to your suitcase, you flipped it open, took out your Mary Janes, and replaced your high heels with them with a sigh of relief.
Just as you moved to stand, you heard footsteps approaching, then a shadow fell across the open door. Too small to be Simon. Looking up with a start, your heart nearly dropped when you found your mother standing there, arms crossed in a frown full of distaste.
“I've been watching you all night with that… man. You're getting far too comfortable, are you?”
That tone—that same tone that you had heard countless times growing up, signaling the beginnings of an argument. Your shoulders tensed. The pulse inside you quickened as your defenses began to rise, readying themselves in anticipation of the barrage of barbed words that might come next.
The oceans dividing San Francisco and London were supposed to end whatever connection existed between you both—to pretend that it didn’t exist. It should have been a clean finale, allowing you to simply live as a normal girl with normal reactions to everything, as if nothing bad had ever happened to you.
Yet, look, your traitor body is gearing up for battle just the same. Your mind may lie, you may lie, but the wound bearer presents the results of years of being forged beneath her. 5,351 miles stretched, but you are still the same sixteen-year-old girl who bit her tongue, holding her words like a criminal about to be executed on the spot.
What a mother-daughter relationship you have.
You watch warily as Mother begins circling the room, her high heels clicking ominously, slightly showing the red soles beneath them. Louboutins, you remember. You also remember all too well how much those had cost—the very shoes you had “helped” fund years ago when you foolishly still let her access your bank account, even after you turned nineteen.
“Do you know why he’s here?” Mother tries the first question, testing the waters.
Like a frightened little girl—that same little girl from that sunny day so many years ago—you deflect the real question, “Because I invited him.”
Mother, unimpressed, casts you a sharp look, as if daring you to dare her. “You know what I mean. Do you know why he’s here?”
You bit your lip, grasping at straws. “He’s… my boyfriend.”
Mother scoffed mockingly. She turned to you, face contorted in amusement as if you had just told the funniest joke. “Boyfriend? Please. Is that what you think?”
You flinched back as Mother suddenly whirled to face you, her sculpted features twisting into a reflection of pure, unbridled rage. The similar pair of eyes glared at you wide. She buried her nails deep into your epidermis, and you gasped from the sting.
“The only reason a man would want you is between your legs. You think you found love, but really he's with you only because you're easy. You’re just a cheap fuck to him, (Y/N).”
The hot, stinging droplets gathered and spilled over without your permission. You hated yourself for fueling her twisted satisfaction. Hating that she still knew exactly where to aim her barbs to find their mark after all these years.
But nothing compares to the fact that she is your mother. She is your mother, and yet, how could those words come out of her mouth so easily? As if her criticisms had festered within her mind and she was finally allowing them to escape. There's a small, broken part of you that can't help but wonder—and why do you even wonder? You know yourself better than she does, surely.
Or do you?
Or is it true that there really is nothing to take beyond your body like the unloveable, worthless child she always says you are?
You felt a spark of anger flare. “How could you say that to me?” you choked out, baring your wounded heart. Wrong move—you know this, proved many times that showing emotion had never gotten anywhere with Mother before.
But the younger, wounded teenager in you would always crave some kind of validation, some sign she truly cared. Perhaps hidden beneath the person she's become, she still holds a flicker of the warmth she once felt for you. You’re her daughter, and she’s your mother—shouldn’t that be enough for her to finally treat you like one?
“I’m only telling you the truth so you won’t be naive. Do you think he’ll love you when there are so many girls out there who are much prettier than you?”
At times, the wiser you knew not to take Mother’s words to heart—your survival instincts, born of too many experiences, told you not to let her poison seep into your skin. But more often than not, you didn’t know better. Right now, you don’t know better.
(Prying my mouth open, she dripped her bitter blood until we were indistinguishable.)
Clenching your fist, you say through gritted teeth, “You don’t know him.”
Mother’s features bent in hate at your rebellion. The young daughter no more, grown into someone who dared to talk back rather than just gulping down her every word raw.
“And you do?” she spat. “How long have you known this man? Don’t be stupid.”
“It’s none of your business,” you retorted, but not convinced enough for her to see the gap in your expression.
“Not my business? Of course it’s my business – I’m your mother!”
Summoning the last of your courage, you mumbled, “You’re not… my mother.”
Her neat eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What did you just say to me?”
It was a second chance, one she rarely gave. For a moment, you considered taking it back—rewording your reply to something less confrontational, something safer. But you were sick of it—years of carrying her wounds you hadn’t even caused, weighing your body down and sinking them deeper into pitless hell. Of always looking past her anger and ego, finding justifications and reasons to tolerate her. Of being under her control when the young girl inside you needed her anger represented.
And you repeated it without rewording: “You’re not my mother. Not anymore.”
As it left your lips, you saw a flicker of change in Mother’s expression—was that hurt in her eyes? So foreign was her expression that you almost doubted yourself. Regret seized you along with the guilt and self-loathing that gripped your heart.
Then, the hurt blinked away as if it was never there. “Look at you,” she hissed, “throwing away your mother, the woman who birthed and raised you with great difficulty, all for some worthless man. I'm not even surprised if you end up pregnant in a few months, or maybe you already are. Don't say I didn't warn you when he leaves you with a bastard child.”
And they were right when they said that anger is the most effective key.
Moments ago, you can still find the shadow of that sixteen-year-old girl remains within, with pieces of her innocence—a bit of a child’s grin. Her body is still in fear, yet her eyes are always yearning for praise from her mother’s voice.
However, as the grown woman you are ignites in a seething cauldron of fury—disagreement with Mother’s treatment—the little girl begins to fade, reduced to ashes amidst the fire. The “why” question echoes loudly with demands. I'm your baby—you made me; why do you hurt me?
“Why? Why are you so sure only bad things will happen? Why can’t you believe I can find happiness?” Warm tears welled up, tasting salty on your lips as you asked.
Mother raised a warning finger. “Don’t use that tone with me.”
But you’ve passed the point of backing down. “Why? Why are you so convinced I’ll always be unhappy? WHY?!”
(As if it had been written long before my creation.)
Taking a sharp, short breath, you feel self-control slipping away. Your lungs hitched with condemnation, constricting you, trying to escape the hell Mother handmade just for you. You’re crossing the line; something scolds (the same voice your mother planted early on) inside your head, but you refuse to give in.
The dim red light between the cracks in your skull grows brighter, and the next thing you say are the words you've been holding back for so long:
“I’m not you! And what happened with Dad was not my fault!”
And finally, silence fills the small space between you, followed by the faint echo of your voice. As the last syllable faded, the words that had been spoken left you feeling conflicted. That little girl would consider this disobedience—the result of the doctrine your mother spat at her every day—but all you know now is the strange lightness in your heart, as if shedding a massive burden that you didn’t realize you had been carrying your whole life.
Mother took a sharp, hissing breath, and you saw the subtle quiver in her clenched jaw. “You're out of line,” she said.
“I'm out of line?! You were the first one to cross that line, over and over, hurting me for years, but now that I finally do it to you, now I'm the one who's out of line?!” The words tumbled out of your mouth in a rush, all the pain and anger that you had piled up erupting to the surface. “You've always hurt me, said awful things, made me feel like nothing! But the second I did it to you, suddenly I'm the bad one? That's not fair!"
In the blink of an eye, she extends her perfectly manicured hand to grasp the first object within her reach—a heavy crystal paperweight on the table. Your eyes are glued to it, feet ready to flee when she hurls it at you.
“You fucking ungrateful bitch!” she screamed.
Some distant, rational part of you knows you should dodge. But a darker impulse held you frozen, as if welcoming the blunt object to damage your epidermis and even more so to become evidence of her abuse. And perhaps, once the crimson drips from your split temple, it will be enough to reveal the true identity she has been hiding—to destroy the loving mother image she has carefully built for years.
You will make a spectacle of the wound, perhaps even exaggerating it a bit like Mother always did.
It came so close when it landed on the floor next to you. You let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Mother’s face flushed like the devil as she shouted, “I should never have given birth to you!”
Strange, that relief is what washes over you when her words land in your ears. Because for the first time, the two of you agreed on something – she wished you had never been born, just as you had so often wished the same.
Those “precious” teenage years were filled with alternating fantasies—some days hoping she might die, others wishing it was you instead. But you were never able to go through with killing her, or yourself. Because being without Mother meant being utterly lost and alone, and you were too cowardly to cut your wrist open. More days though, you regretted it—how it might have all ended sooner if only you had been braver.
You wonder who's to blame to just make sense of it—perhaps Mother's mother had been cruel, and she thought she had broken the cycle. Perhaps Joyce, for always being the golden child despite everything. Perhaps Dad. Perhaps you.
All those long, drawn-out years, you stayed, you suffered for her. Because the little girl in the bright pink shoes—the color that matched Mother's favorite dress before she threw it away—loved her mother so much. Always making excuses for her. Maybe she didn't know how to love me, or I didn't understand her way of loving me. Maybe somewhere in her anger were kisses in her own language.
You stood frozen as hollowness spread through your chest, as if the eruption had cleansed you until nothing but an empty clarity remained. Even when Simon entered the room, you didn't notice his presence until he spoke.
“Fuck’s all this?” His question didn’t really wait for an answer as he rushed to your side.
Mother smoothed her hair imperiously, then said: “We were just having a talk.”
Simon’s brown eyes scan the scene: the shattered paperweight, Mother’s suspicious fist. He then turns to examine you carefully, searching for any injuries and only letting out a slight sigh when he finds none.
“Go wait in the car. I’ll sort our things.” Simon orders, and without argument, you nod, walking out of the bedroom.
The room felt heavier with tension after you departed, leaving Simon alone with your seething mother. He moved with purpose, in a quick and efficient mind, as he gathered your things—a toothbrush and hairbrush from the bathroom, dresses from the closet, pulling out drawers for any other items. After throwing them into your suitcase, he tidied up his own things with even more haste and less care.
As he picked up his abandoned tie, Mother cleared her throat. “You don’t need to do this, you know. I know my daughter better than anyone, and she’s not what you really need.”
For a moment, Simon paused, jaw working as he reined his temper. Mother thought she had his attention—finally getting him to listen to her. But soon enough, he resumed his task as if she hadn’t spoken at all.
Undeterred, she pressed on. “There are prettier, worthier girls than her. Ones who won’t cause you so much trouble.”
Simon’s hands stilled at that, Mother thought she had succeeded in making him consider. Slowly, he turned to face the older woman. But what she read in his eyes was not a realization or even a spark of curiosity. No, it was a look that suggested he knew a lot about people like her, had seen a lot despite him being a decade her junior.
“That what you tell ‘er then?” He began, hate raining down like hail in his voice. “That she ain’t good enough, or pretty enough? That she’s nothin’ but trouble?”
The woman met his gaze, and Simon noticed how her eyes were shaped like yours, except colder, full of twisted conviction whenever she talked about you. “I only speak the truth, for her own good. Someone has to keep that headstrong girl in line before she comes to ruin.”
At that, he let out an impolite scoff, but Simon gave zero fucks. “Yeah? Cause all I see is you tryin’ to keep ‘er under yer thumb.”
Simon watched as the woman's face contorted into an ugly frown of dislike; her mask had been abandoned somewhere. He wondered how you survived all those years at home, how you could still say you “love her to bits” on your first meeting.
But he supposes that’s how children are. Misplaced unconditional love for their lifegivers. Sometimes, his critical mind thinks it’s a shame for the Man in the Sky to give little humans to people who don’t deserve them—to abusers, addicts, snakes like this one right here. But then again, Simon had no right to complain when he stopped believing in any of all that years ago—after he lost everyone that mattered.
"I'm her mother." She repeated.
“And she’s yer daughter. Not yer pet or yer little dog to order about.”
As Simon returned to tending to the bags, the woman took a slow, deep breath. "I know men like you," she replied. “You think you're protecting her—you think you're saving her, but all you want is a girl to use and toss aside once you've grown bored.”
Simon’s tedious task came to a halt, the zipper of the bag half-open. He furrowed his blond brows, brown eyes focused on nothing. Before long, he gathered the bags and shouldered them, his free hand dragging the suitcase as he walked through the gaping door. That woman spoke again, but he turned a deaf ear to her venomous spit.
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demonqueenart · 5 months ago
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im just gonna be so genuine and say i love you but i dont understand what racist remarks you're talking about and it's really frustrating for me to hear people talk about this like its so serious when i havent seen anything at all thats bad. im white so i think i may have genuinely missed things but could you please just give me some examples? i really am trying to understand where you guys are coming from its just getting hard because everyone is just getting mad at each other whenever they talk about it. i know people are mad bc of something dan said about not being able to come on tour to third world countries and possibly something he said in like 2011 when he was in his crazy fake tan phase? i just really am not seeing anything here that i think would get people so worked up and i would love to understand better
Hey anon, I understand where you coming from. And I really appreciate you trying to understand better.
To be really honest, why things have blown up now is because of the upcoming tour. It’s not really about why they couldn’t go to the other continents when they’re planning to do 32 shows in US, even though that’s also fishy af cause they could’ve easily dipped into Mexico, and the route they using feels like they’re avoiding latam specifically. The way that they handled this with poc fans is the problem, because while they’re being excited from the tour or whatever, they have not once tried to explain why they couldn’t go to poc fans (or the majority of us that is. Some of us might live somewhere else.)
The way they keep retweeting and being hyped about the tour, while basically intentionally avoiding talking to us is just.. it hurts. Most of us complain about this, and even more expressing how they just need dnp to give them an explanation. But never once did they do it. Instead, they even launch more trailer lol. And I know they saw it, there’s a lot of us and they like snooping on social media anyway. It makes us feel like we’re not part of the tour, that it wasn’t meant for us. And it was actually the first time I questioned if I was really a part of this community at all.
Turning back to phandom with that state of mind, it can feel like everyone is abandoning you. Because just like dnp, everyone is only talking about the tour, and not about how this exclusion needs to be addressed. It’s understandable why people would feel angry when they just keep being ignored like their voices didn’t matter. But I know now, just because people didn’t interact with me, doesn’t mean they didn’t want to be there for me. We just might come from a different place. (Btw, if you’re western and you have poc friends who’s affected by this, please reach out to them. The reason why I’m still here rn is because of all my friends, western friends included, saying they’ll be there for me throughout this racism thing. They might be angry and hurt, and even assume the worst of you. And I won’t ask more than you can do. But saying you understand (or at least empathize the situation they’re in) and that you will support them no matter what, will help them a lot.)
Dan clearly carry a micro aggression around latam, and the fact that this still occur in wad really says a lot about how they’ve not grown from that. When dan said brazil and mexico were 3rd world country on was, that makes us feel like he’s looking down on us. And the fact that they have avoided latam specifically without giving any reason why they couldn’t go, well, there’s only so many things you can assume is happening under the surface. This makes us feel like they’re looking down on us, and that they’ve never seen their poc fans as equals.
The reason why the old stuff was brought up is because this isn’t the first time this has happened. Dan has made a lot of racist remarks, and while it’s understandable to slip up from time to time, and even more understandable why he might be afraid to actually apologize and own things up, it doesn’t excuse the patterns that are being repeated here. When he doesn’t take accountability to his past mistakes and keep repeating the patterns of racism and exclusion, that indicates he’s going to keep oppressing us forever without ever acknowledging it. And THAT is not okay.
We don’t want to cancel them, never once do we want that. We only want dnp to hear us and actually talk to us about this. They are not beyond redemption, but it’s going to be hard for them to open up considering the past fifteen years of them not doing that. So the only thing we can do at this point is to be more opened up about their racist remarks. We’re bringing up past mistakes now, because there’re still a lot of people who have been affected by this, and them not bringing it up is not going to make all that hurt go away. So I suggest, we should bring it up, not to cancel them or demonize them! But to acknowledge it exists so that we can heal from it. We can learn to love dnp despite being flawed, and normalize how to take accountability to make this place safer for poc. These voices can’t be avoided because that’s also a form of exclusion in this community. I want everyone to feel welcomed here, so I’ll listen to their voices when they need it. That way, there will be a place for poc to belong in this space. We can learn to include each other in, or at least I hope so :3
*also, this will be very funny if this ask turns out to be dnp, but whatever lol xD Hope we can catch up someday whoever you are (✿˵ ꒡3꒡˵)৴♡*
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stuckinapril · 10 months ago
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u don’t have to answer this if u don’t want to or u feel u don’t have anything to say on it (obvi) but how do u deal with jealousy and comparison?
i genuinely just like my shit. i love how i look like, i love my stuff, i love where i come from, i love my family and friends, and i appreciate all the circumstances (good and bad) that have led me to be the person i am today. i've done a lot of esteemable things that have bolstered my confidence growing up, like getting an extremely hard degree and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone more than ever before. i treat other people w kindness and respect. i make sure to be a source of support rather than needless negativity. what people think of me (or have) doesn't get under my skin anymore, bc i've already proven my worth to myself. the fact of the matter is, i'll always hold my own opinion of myself higher than i do other people's opinions of me. i'm at a place where i just don't care that much. i've lost the need to correct people on their takes of me a long time ago.
my own happiness is king--everything else is secondary. if i like it, that's enough for me.
i find it pointless to compare myself to somebody else, simply because no two people have been dealt the exact same cards. i wouldn't compare a rose to a lily, so why should i be comparing myself to people who're--no matter who they are, no matter where they're from--never gonna be me? i'm me. the only person i should be comparing myself to is my past self. i am only in competition w myself. that is all.
as for jealousy, viewing people who have things i want as proof of concept has really helped. if another person gets a higher score on a test, i don't get jealous that they outdid me. i just view them as proof that i can get that score if i studied more efficiently. someone else's success isn't a lack of your own--it's just proof you can reach that success, even if the route doesn't look exactly the same, even if it might take longer.
contentment is entirely subjective. i've known wealthy people who're incredibly miserable. i've known people who struggle financially but could not be happier. other people's advantages don't rattle me, bc i don't care about them, bc i'm so eternally grateful for what i already have. i've also never really been that materialistic to begin with, so i've always understood that a person's worth lies in who they are rather than what they own (whether it be things, money, opportunities...). i can say w my whole chest that i wouldn't swap places w the most famous, most rich celebrity there is. i legitimately don't want to. i know that even if i have to work harder for things, i'll have more to say by the end of it all, and that in and of itself is so profound. not to mention the satisfaction from having challenged myself to get there--and i love a good challenge.
i've unleared the idea that i should view other women as competition. life is hard, we all struggle, we'll be living in a man's world for a long time, and it's just not worth the energy. yeah i'm ambitious, but not at the expense of other people. there's enough room for everyone. another woman's achievement doesn't mean less space for mine. we'll all be fine.
w all that said!! there are bad days. no human is just confident all the time, doesn't feel jealous all the time, doesn't compare themself all the time, doesn't let people's opinions get under their skin all the time. don't feel bad for doing it every now and then. it's natural and normal and just part of the human experience. nobody is perfect. just focus on you, view other people as inspiration rather than competition, and compare your progress to nobody else's but your own. it's been a game changer for me :)
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ryuichirou · 2 months ago
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RE: Ortho (+Shroudcest) post replies
Phew, alright, I think I didn’t skip anyone. If I did, I’m sorry, I’ll reply to you next time then!
Thank you so much for your wonderful messages of support and for your takes. I really appreciate it! I say it all the time but it saying it again feels appropriate: we had no idea we would ever see so many people who share our point of view despite not shipping Ortho with Idia or any other character. The fact that we can have this conversation really makes me happy.
You are welcome to share more of your thoughts if you want, but unfortunately I might not be able to reply to everyone. I will do my best though.
All of the asks in this blog are related to this post.
Anonymous asked:
Different anon, I think Ortho is in this nebulous situation like superboy in young justice who is physically 16 years old but chronologically 16 weeks old. I genuinely hate the uwu babying of characters. The dwarfs are all second years(so theoretically 17 at the youngest) but no one makes anything with them. Heck the characters I see get lewded the most are the octo trio who are the same age.
Heck, even Grim gets the baby mascot treatment by fans when he's also lumpedwiththefirst years. Like yes, he's a whiny brat but he's also grown up all alone as far as he can remember. I can't help but compare him to Puppycat who acts similarly and is a grown ass man.
Yeah, this probably plays a role too! Ironically, we were just having this conversation about Stitch the other day lol Being new to the world you exist in (and to existing in general) and being a baby aren’t necessarily the same thing.
And even in that case Ortho doesn’t fully fit into the trope because he was created quite a while ago and is already pretty well adjusted. But since he is still learning and doesn’t always understand people + doesn’t always get things like sarcasm, people consider it to be a proof that he is a toddler lol Who am I kidding, their reasoning doesn’t even go that far. They say “he died when he was a baby therefore he is a baby forever” and call it a day.
I feel bad for people who love Grim, I haven’t even thought about it… The Puppycat comparison is so spot-on lol
Grim is inexperienced and doesn’t know much about the world, but yes, he is one of the freshmen + just as he at times acts like a whiny brat, there are also times when he tells Ace that he should be more considerate of Deuce’s feelings, like wtf was that? That was Grim. Because Grim also isn’t a baby, he is a furry gremlin…
Anonymous asked:
As one of the most avid Ortho stans, it really is a pet peeve that people act like he's a little kid
You're so right that it's people that want to write him like Idia's little convenient plot device
I do want to note that it's also sometimes just the infantilization of an autistic coded character
God forbid he be somewhat optimistic, this must mean he's just an innocent baby /s
One small thing that gets me: Ortho can and has made his own gears!! Idia doesn't need to and maybe this is inspired by a post I saw that used the fact that Idia has made his stuff to take away Ortho's agency in what is supposed to be him having a tattoo analog. Not having a character be the architect of their own body mod equivalent is wild and I just.
He's a silly little guy, but he's not a fucking baby!
Indeed, Anon. I feel like people either completely ignore Ortho or see him as Idia’s appendix. I absolutely love them together, and of course I am biased towards scenarios that focus on their deep codependence, but I also really love how they get to have their own adventures, their own relationship, their own experiences separate from each other. Because they are wow, different characters, and Ortho has his own agency. He had it even before ch6, but after that he fully and officially became his own person. Being with Idia is his choice, not his only option. And just like you mentioned, he makes his own gears pretty much all the time now… even though I don’t agree that Idia making his gears has anything to do with Ortho’s agency.
I don’t even think Ortho is that optimistic. He is a little sunshine, but not even close to people like Kalim for example. Ortho even has his own cynical moments and douchy moments that people also tend to ignore. But even if he was 100% optimistic and naïve, it still would not be a valid reason to infantilise him. And you are absolutely right, people do that a lot. With Kalim too, actually, now that I think about it.
Anonymous asked:
Aaaaah, Ryuichi, after reading your post (rant) about Ortho, made me very happy! I'm glad there's someone else who shares the same opinion. The number of fans who infantilizes Ortho is beyond me. I absolutely hate the argument Ortho's mentally "8 years old" it's like they completely forget his storyline.
I'm guessing that the people who genuinely believe the theory that he's "8 years old" are younger fans with no media literacy so no hate towards them but it's frustrating when fans pretend it's Canon when it's not.
Not only that but it’s so sad to see how he's also so mischaracterized by the fandom. He's always seen just as Idia's little brother but never himself despite the fact that Ortho's life doesn't revolve around Idia. He has his own interest and hobbies different from Idia AND he is NOT innocent! Fans tend to forget this is a game about a school full of villains and that includes Ortho too! If I remember correctly Ortho has multiple times tried to blow up the school with his laser! He's violent! He's not a kid.
Unfortunately, I've seen this kind of stuff happening across all fandoms this isn't exclusive to Twisted wonderland. Heck a few months ago I've seen fans in the black butler genuinely believe that Ciel's in fact 9 years old instead of 13 year old!? And then they call us weird? The SebaCiel shippers? Like why do YOU want him to be younger?? I'm getting too old for this.
Thank you so much, Anon! I am happy you also agree.
I don’t hate younger fans, and I know that some people might be genuinely confused; but I also believe that there are a lot of people that simply do not care about Ortho’s actual story and any arguments one could make about this case. The actual issue isn’t Ortho being a certain age, it’s a pretext, an excuse, an invitation to harass. If Ortho didn’t exist, they would still do it with other characters, and even if all the characters were adults, they would still find a reason to do so, like, for example, their appearance. There is no winning in this game, this is why factual arguments won’t work even if Ortho Shroud himself looks in the camera and says “hi, I don’t care if people ship me with my niisan, I am also in fact not 8 years old”.
I am also very glad you mentioned Ortho being his own person! I mentioned it in a previous reply, so I won’t talk about it, but yes, you are absolutely right. Ortho is a menace, and all of his disappointed “come ooon, niisan, don’t do that” moments come from his desire for Idia to have more friends, not because he genuinely cares for other people. He clearly doesn’t – hence his multiple attempts to blow up the school lol
I love it when characters just keep getting younger with every single wave of this shitstorm. Didn’t you know he is 13? How dare you post something like that about a 9 years old! He is a toddler who is only 3 months old! That’s one powerful fountain of youth right there. Antis in Kuroshitsuji fandom do that a lot, just as antis in TWST fandom.
Anonymous asked:
I really feel bad for people who have Ortho as their oshi. It's not like fans of other characters don't get shit on too, apparently pretty much everyone is an immoral heathen these days, but I feel like Ortho gets often excluded in fan content, especially when it features any mature theme.
Also, if you a problem with people liking Ortho in the same way as they do with the rest of the guys, you should take your issues to the creators, since that was definitely their intention when they put him in the pretty boy gacha. Or maybe just play another game.
Anyway Ryu and Katsu, keep doing your thing, cause you guys are awesome!
What I love about it is that Ortho himself would be so pissed if he learned that all the other guys get to do fun mature stuff and he doesn’t lol That’s so not fair, he’s charging his lasers as we speak!
Also yes, it was absolutely the creators’ intention. He is supposed to look like that, just like Lilia is supposed to look like that – both caused confusion in the game story with how young they look, and yet both are a big part of the cast (+ As we know, even Idia was supposed to be younger looking…). Ortho has one of the biggest amounts of cards, he is clearly a popular character, not just a lovely addition or a mascot. 
Thank you so much for your support, Anon <3 It means a lot. This shit might be upsetting, but it will never stop us from creating.
Anonymous asked:
While I am not an Ortho/Idia shipper, I do like your art pieces because your art style is straight-up gorgeous. So when I do see your Shroudcest art Im like: not my cup of tea but I respect the time and effort made into this. (And here is my rant siding with you bc they are fictional characters)
The babyfication of Ortho is something I do not understand. As much as Idia made RoBro in trauma, rn I doubt he wants RoBro to remain stagnant in mind and hardware. With Ortho's ability to learn, he is practically a teenager like the rest. He displays more emotional maturity than most ppl despite his killer laser beam. Kindness, hope, and optimism are traits not limited to children. Shortness is also not limited to children. If we treat other characters by traits often shared by children, then Neige's fellow dwarf classmates are also children. What they don't count bc they are not human? Ortho is not human either. Similarly, Kalim and Silver display positive internal traits of kindness, hope, and optimism. Shortness? Well, we got Grandpa Lilia and the Napoleon complex twins Riddle and Epel. They are all teenagers (minus Lilia) and no one is babying them.
...And are we ignoring all the shit he has seen on the internet. The amount of porn (from adult sites and even the soft-core types you can even find by watching some twitch/yt streamers) that can be seen. Videos of violence, crimes, and ppl doing their best to win the Darwainism Award. Ortho could access and go through like 5 terebytes by the time I reach page two of Google.
As for the Shroudcest, they are fictional characters! You can go straight to phub and have incest type (the sheer amount of the step family porn troupe) porn being acted out by actual breathing people. Do you want to metaphorically die on this hill of ppl shipping fictional 2D characters? Are we just going to ignore you targeting this harmless ship? At least go for a larger target like Game of Thrones or House of Dragons. So much incest in those media that it has it's own fan wiki page, but you don't see ppl go for George R. R. Martin's throat for writing about characters willing or unknowingly committing incest.
It is like people reading/watching media of horror movie killers. It's something you can enjoy or have a preference for because you, as a sane person, will not become a serial killer. AND, as a productive member of society, you condemn actual, real-life serial killers. You read horror stories or watch scary movies for entertainment value not for a guide to be one. Similar logic to furries. Furries consider anthropomorphic creatures as hot, but those same furries are against beastilaity.
TL;DR: While I am not personally a fan of incest or shota type of media, I do not mind they exist (or go after creators who use FICTIONALLY characters to enhance their form of FICTIONAL media), bc they are FICTIONAL CHARACTERS from a FICTIONAL MEDIA. Stop with the performative activism. Use that effort and go after people who do it for real in real life. If you prevent/stop an actual crime from happening, I will applaud and thank you! AND I DOUBT I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE.
Thank you so much, Anon! I am happy that you like my stuff despite not shipping some of our ships. I am very grateful for the respect, and also for your message! I really like your points and I’ll go through them briefly.
The entire part about all those traits not being exclusive to children + about other characters having those traits but still not being babied – YES, thank you so much for that. Like I already mentioned, the game clearly plays with those tropes, and even though the characters are young-looking, they are still of high school age (other than Lilia). Ortho is weird, Ortho is different from some of the other boys, but all of them are weird in their own way, Ortho is just a robot. If we can make “not a human” excuse for the dwarves, why can’t we look at Ortho that way? And yes, Ortho absolutely knows stuff a kid wouldn’t be able to digest lol All of his difficulties come from him being an AI – he doesn’t always get sarcasm, he doesn’t fully understand why people do certain things and doesn’t understand some limitations of human’s body and mind; none of it is tied to him being childish or too innocent.
Incest in media is very popular indeed, and it’s SUPER popular in porn! You are right. If any kind of media ends up “normalising” this kind of relationship, it definitely won’t be shippers of incest. But also that won’t happen because wow, it doesn’t work that way. People love to say that fiction affects reality, and while in a way it does, it’s never a “everyone is going to start shooting people because the videogames brainwashed them” type of deal, and this is exactly what they’re doing with their arguments. It’s fear-mongering, moralism and ignoring the fact that people do in fact know how to separate fiction from reality. And the key to making sure no one is going to jump out the window because their favourite character did so isn’t in censorship, but in people learning this difference and always keeping in it mind. Ironically, that would mean that people who harass others over cartoons can’t make this separation very well because of their lack of critical consumption of media; but then again, they can’t even see (and don’t care, which makes it worse and my point stronger) how their own reckless actions seriously affect real people in real life, and I think this is a more important issue to resolve lol
Unfortunately, people who prefer performative activism very rarely end up becoming real activists, but I do hope that they will at least find some other hobby, something that doesn’t cause so much harm to both innocent people and the cause they claim to be fighting for.
I got a bit carried away there, but yeah, I totally agree with your point, and once again grateful for your understanding. There will always be media that makes you uncomfortable – and that’s the beauty of it. Creativity is a boundless ocean and no amount of bricks can contain it.
Anonymous asked:
I was just scrolling through and saw your explanation of ortho and shroudcest the other day. As tiring as I’m sure it is, it always gives me hope to see people who remember what shipping is really about. I mean problematic content has existed all through human mythos and history, and society still survives! According to the studies the “art morality” argument is roughly the same as “but da violent games!!” Argument, or metal music, or clothes, or any other form of media deemed ‘new’ or ‘too different’.
Anyway, I don’t ship cest stuff myself but your art is lovely and it’s become one of the things I can view without feeling uncomfy despite how my head usually responds to such content (woohoo free therapy??? /j)
I ship ortho with an OC who’s also 16. Said oc’s mother said she would never treat her child differently for who they choose to love, and while she definitely wasn’t expecting a robot, she’s not going back on her word.
Thank you so much, Anon!! YES, this is exactly what shipping is all about! It feels like “umm but they’re not even canon” type of people are suddenly the majority in fandom spaces ahhh lol
As long as art exists, there will always be people who are against it, especially if it’s something niche, and despite how popular fandoms are, all of the fandom activity is a niche, ESPECIALLY shipping, ESPECIALLY this kind of shipping. So unfortunately it’s unavoidable, but it’s so useless and annoying!
I am very happy that you like our stuff. Thank you for enjoying it. Your OC’s mother is amazing and very supportive lol I am sure she and Ortho will get along swimmingly.
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shakingparadigm · 5 months ago
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I'm glad we have someone like you in the fandom and that you started a youtube channel too. It feels less lonely I guess! Everything you post (theories,art,informations,jokes) is in my opinion so interesting,creative and detailed. I don't really send asks but I really had to tell you that I appreciate all of this,not what you simply post,but create too! I believe after Alien Stage will end,I will miss your posts about it but I'll have a good time remembering the days before a round was dropped,where we all assembled there to scream in fear (AVENGERS... ASSEMBLE LOL) and I'm sure I'll continue visit even if you'll talk about something else,with Vivinos content here and there if qmeng and the team will post about it etc!
One thing that makes me more conscious about ''IvanTill tragedy'' is that... Ivan loved the idea,the meaning,he had of Till,because he never got to be seen by him,got to express himself and be something for Till,which means getting to really enter Till's world. So I think at some point he asked himself ''What do I love'',which led him to the circle of reasons we deduced from their backstories,reason of the words chosen in the official art,where he says ''shallow feelings''... but they weren't shallow at all... And I think this is so sad,that he could not feel the depth in it,or understand his emotions... It's so sad we don't have a glimpse of Till's pov... Thank you for reading this until the end,I'll silently return in my den :)
Sorry this turned into such a long and awkwardly sentimental post,,,, ;;
Thank you....!!!
I'm really happy that you think of me so nicely, even if my posts and speculations are off the mark... or if the things I make are truthfully not very good. Even if they're mediocre at best, I still put a lot of my heart into them. I've always had a lot of things to say, but I never really opened myself to speaking about them until earlier this year. It feels really nice and comforting to share everything and be responded to with the same level of enthusiasm. I keep repeating myself when giving my thanks, but it's just because I will always be grateful to everyone I've talked to so far. That will never change. Thank you for taking the time to send me an ask! It really means everything to me. Let's focus on enjoying ourselves and anticipating what's to come! Even though Alien Stage is bound to end, we're still only halfway there!
I genuinely would like to thank you for your support. I wouldn't hold it against you if eventually you lost interest in my blog later down the line, but the fact that you'd still want to visit even if I end up switching to other things is so kind. I can't put down everything I'd like to say in a way that sounds coherent, and I undoubtedly am making this a bigger deal than it has to be, but from the bottom of my heart I'd like to thank you and everyone who has been so so kind to me. Truthfully I'm still unsure about whether or not I even deserve it, but I want you to know that I appreciate everything. I remember everything, too. Right down to the first few people who shared their thoughts to me back when I first started this blog!
I'm sorry if I seem like a bit of a downer, or if I seem less active lately? Less present or something like that. There's a lot that I've been going through lately (to add on to that my damn house flooded. yikes. currently staying at a friend's right now), and it honestly worries me to think about a lot of things, not to mention all the asks that I haven't been able to answer yet... I'm so sorry. I'll get to them eventually, I promise! They mean a lot to me and I want to do them justice with an answer, but some days I just can't find it in me to put thoughts into words.... once again, I'm so sorry. I don't want to make it seem as though they're a burden or anything, though! It's genuinely the highlight of my day to receive one.
Your perspective on Ivan and Till is worded so wonderfully. It truly is tragic that Ivan views his feelings as shallow, especially when in reality they're so complex and all-encompassing. Someone who loves so fervently and desperately (obssessively) actively denies themselves something as simple as the validation of their own feelings. Ivan viewed so lowly of himself until the very end, believing that he was never able to mean anything to Till (You don't care about me is such a devastating line). Ivan's emotions are complicated on purpose, his character was designed with the intention to confuse. It's stated that only Ivan himself can truly know what he's feeling, but even then he is an unreliable narrator and is too deep in the throes of self-loathing to allow himself any mercy. Constantly at war with himself, even just moments before his demise.
Ivan is described to have the most flawed personality out of his peers ("twisted"). The fact that he hones in on this aspect of himself to the point where he cannot see himself as anything of worth to the people he cares about is so profoundly sad. A flaw within itself, the perfect recipe for self-sabotage.
Till's perspective on Ivan is desperately needed, even if it wouldn't make a difference to the present circumstances. When speaking of Ivan's feelings for Till, VIVINOS mentions that one cannot simply move on from such deep-seated and long lasting emotions in just a short time. Surely Till would share this sentiment, right? Constantly overwhelmed by his own heart, wouldn't Till mull over the feelings that drove Ivan to sacrifice? Wouldn't he dwell on the impact that Ivan has made on his person? What form does Ivan take in Till's memory? One cannot move on from feelings like this so easily, and although Till didn't feel for Ivan in the same way, it's undeniable that he at least felt something.
So far (iirc), the only official statement of Till's feelings towards Ivan is that Till found him strange (and vice-versa, but Ivan was fascinated and attracted to Till's "strangeness" while it seems that Till was... less so...). Although it makes sense that Till is so protective of his true feelings, it would be nice for his thoughts on Ivan to be expanded upon, just for some semblance of closure.
(Sorry if this went off-topic.... or if my answer ended up being off again haha but thank you genuinely for the ask. I appreciate it more than you could ever know).
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welcome-to-roomba-fazbender · 7 months ago
Text
HAPPY 5TH ANNIVERSERY TO
CHARLIE THE CURSED PHONE GUY
MAY HE STAY WITH US FOR ANOTHER FIVE AND BEYOND!
and now a special message from the man himself.
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"Well, Well, Well... look how far we've come huh? Genuinely, honest... And Truly."
"Five years ago I was made and cursed the world of tumblr with my presence, time sure does fly! I've lost a few friends, but gained plenty more in return!"
"I wouldn't even be here today without them, now granted I'm not gonna name EVERYONE! But I am gonna name a select few and tell you how they've impacted me... AHEM..."
"First and foremost the man the myth and the legend the one who is the reason behind everything, the man where if he didn't exist I wouldn't exist!"
"Henr- ... we all know I don't mean him we're talking about real people."
"If your name isn't listed, it isn't because the mod dosen't care but it's because he's a dumbass and these are the ones that came up at the top of his head when writing this post, totally not a forth wall break."
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@directdogman
"The Creator of the DSAF/Dayshift At Freddy's Series Direct Doggo himself, sure okay I was a late edition to the fandom.
but it is fully thanks to DSAF 3 and him that I even exist, what can I say about doggo other then what has been said before one thousand times? He is a man of many skills and many talents."
"He is creative, smart and genuinely an inspiration to everyone in the community of both DSAF and Dialtown... no matter how much time has passed, I will personally continue to respect the man I owe everything to him. So thank you doggo genuinely for your support and your amazing games."
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@cook-ie-chip
"One of my oldest friends in the community, I've known you since almost the start! we have alot of memories together, some laughs, some cries! you also created my blue prints
(though in lore they were written by henry and will) let's look past that! You remind me of how things used to be a long time ago, and I'm glad to still know you even now."
"and with any hope I'll curse you for many years more."
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@lazy-charlie / @chuck-the-fanboy
"I remember how we met, you found me and we both realized we had the same name, and so I decided to charge you extra for like a pizza party lmao."
"But ever since that day we have only grown closer and closer... to the point your apart of the roomba fazbender family [no you will get no discounts] ..."
"You've done so much for me over the years though, you helped create the Roomba's we have here today, you drew some of our lovely walrus friends!"
"AND ... ough... Okay Okay I'll be honest you made Chuck The Fanboy originally a joke just to tease me with, but over the years he's grown on me... DO NOT LET HIM HEAR ME SAY THIS, but he's like a lil bro... and if anything happened to him I'd be devastated."
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@clownsuu / @not-robert
"... well well well if it isn't the shadow in black and the big buff zombie, what can I say about both of you?"
"Hmm... Clownsuu here teases me, has DRAWN ME MPREG, HAS DRAWN ME EMO, IS THE REASON WHY THE EVIL VERSION OF ME EXISTS!..."
"and yet life wouldn't be the same with out him, jack is... an anomaly someone I met because someone thought he was stealing me! HA no one can steal this perfect face~"
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"Gotta say though, all jokes aside... life just wouldn't be the same without him, alot more boring you know? I must admit he is someone I will never forget, you've also drawn photos of a few of my walrus I still have hung up in my office, I appreciate you for absolutely everything you've done."
"And don't get me started on Robert that big buff baby, I've put him in just about every costume under the sun, and yet he still puts up with me and stays still no idea why. But it's because of him my restaurant has expanded so much, from a bowling alley, a karaoke bar and dumpsters full of meat."
"Don't tell Robert this he'd likely call me an idiot, but guy's one of my best friends genuinely thankfully he's immortal so I'll never worry about losing him but ... the thought still scares me."
"Never change Robert."
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@weirdozjunkary
"You turned me into a furry... I got nothin else to say I just had to point that out."
"..."
"..."
"Okay, fine you did alot more then that, you introduced me to bedlam someone who can FINALLY truly be a sponge to my cursed and chaotic behavior, honestly I'd hope so considering he's the god of chaos."
"I only met him recently but I'd fuken fight his version of god for him ... seriously don't tempt me I will kick that old man's ass."
"I'm glad to have bedlam in my life and hope I know him for many years more."
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@an-artist-place-for-extra-art
"you simp for the evil version of me I..."
"I have no words for you..."
"I just question... why?"
"though honestly? never change, I care for you just the way you are, your amazing."
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"Alright, Alright enough of the mushy stuff and forth wall breaks it's messing with my circuits and servo's ahem..."
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"The most important thing about this day is one..."
"I'm so fucking cool"
"two"
"I AM NEVER GOING ANYWHERE HATERS, FIVE MORE YEARS AND BEYOND OF ME!!!"
"and three... and most important lore wise"
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"HAPPY 50TH ANNIVERSERY TO ROOMBA FUCKING FAZBENDERS!"
"50 YEARS THIS PLACE HAS BEEN OPEN WITHOUT ANY DEATHS JUST A FEW INJURIES AND I'LL TAKE THAT WITH STRIDE!"
"AS THE ULTIMATE FUCK YOU TO FREDBEAR'S AND FAZBENDER ENTERTAINMENT!"
"THE GUY WHO IS A LITERAL ELDRITCH HORROR AND EATS SHOES WITH HIS BOOTLEG RESTURANT LASTED LONGER THEN ALL OF YOU SUCK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"
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"... thank you... genuinely out of pocket with full seriousness..."
"thank you everyone for sticking around none of this would be possible without you, and I HONEST AND TRUELY can't wait for another five amazing years."
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Moderator Monnie: And happy anniversary to everyone from me to all of you!
Have a fantastic day! and thank ya'll for reading!
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bratbby333 · 5 months ago
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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ blog update ! ] ࿐ྂ
+ some housekeeping and info on new writing
hello my loves !! i wanted to give y'all some insight on what's been going on in my mind palace lately. there's a lot...so...cmon, take a walk w me...and maybe bring some snacks.
ੈ♡˳ first and foremost ! my work has received a lot more attention recently and i am so excited. with actual tears in my eyes, im happy to report that i surpassed 1,000 followers the other day. i am at a loss for words...just...stuck in a perma-state of disbelief.
im sending out the biggest thank you to everyone who has supported me, who's interacted with my work, to the lovely friends ive made though this account and to the heartbreakingly beautiful anime that brought me here in the first place. i am genuinely in awe...overwhelmed, even...i didn't expect any of this to happen when i started this blog and i am forever indebted to all of you for getting me here. im actively fighting off the inevitable surge of imposter syndrome as i type this out...i just love y'all so fucking much. this community means the world to me and i wanna scream at the top of my lungs in order to demonstrate my deepest appreciation for each and every one of y'all.
ੈ♡˳ secondly ! a message for my little angel babies, my day one followers; thank you for taking a chance on me. for watching me grow. for sticking around as i worked to get better at writing. im sure a lot of you started following me for my gamer!bf sukuna series...trust me, i love him and i know y'all do too. but i feel like my writing is heading in a different direction...and with a heavy heart, i'm absolutely gutted when i say that i am taking a pause on that series. i am forever grateful for the support and may return to him soon, though i cannot promise that. i owe so much of what my account is now to that series and i will never forget that.
for everyone who joined me as i delved into dark/dead dove content, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me a safe space to explore different forms of story-telling. my choso fic was the first stepping stone and then i skipped every other stone on the path and jumped head first into the deep end with my dead dove gojo fic...i deeply appreciate all the positive feedback i received on both of those. after posting them, i realized that i am very into writing dark content. i know that taboo themes/dark content/dead dove subject matter isn't for everyone and i understand people's apprehension in regards to it. but with that being said, i will be moving forward with publishing darker content.
ੈ♡˳ so here's the writing update !
i did a poll asking y'all what kind of content you enjoy. a good chunk of people said long form fics (which is great, cause i do too !! mommy needs plot). so, i am migrating away from one shot writing. both because i've been thinking about it for awhile and because y'all are into longer stories, as well. but fear not, i will still write shorter stuff along with headcannons, drabbles, etc...it just won't be the main focus of my blog anymore.
ੈ♡˳ now, time for the big reveal ! perhaps it's a bit anticlimactic, but bear with me...
im so excited to announce that i have two new series coming ! it will be a dark, modern!au featuring choso (with a few other special guests) and a dead dove sukuna series.
i'm almost finished with the outlines, and have fully completed the theme layout + mood boards for both works. i hope to get the first few chapters wrapped up in the next couple weeks. if you want to be tagged in either of these (or both), just leave a comment or send me a message !
(also !! i may or may not be cooking up a dark medieval au series in collaboration with another writer on here...so be on the lookout for that hehe)
while i take breaks from writing my two series, i'll be working through my requests ! so if you've sent one in, i promise i will get to it, unless i literally cannot think of a good way to write it (im only human, im so sorry). also, im sure we already knew this, but im a slowww writer. i wish i could churn content out quick as fuck but i am too hypercritical of myself…it's both a blessing and a curse, honestly.
if you made it all the way to the end of this nightmare of a brain dump, i love you. if you've been with me for a while, i love you. if you're just now joining me, i love you. everyone who’s supported me in any way, shape, or form, i love you.
i present you with the sloppiest kiss with tongue (only if you want it, of course. i can also give you the tightest hug, the gentlest head pat, or my social security number...access to all my bank accounts? a mansion in the hills? my passport? hand in marriage? my first born child? literally whatever you want, babe).
okay !! i think that's all for the updates. feeling: very ambitious and motivated but also overwhelmed and mildly stressed but overall super excited for what's to come. im looking forward to this new adventure and i hope y'all come along with me ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
thank you again…for literally everything. yall hold a special place in my heart and always will. so, here we go !
see you on the other side, my loves.
— jade 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪
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genderqueerdykes · 5 months ago
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on this hot summer's night, i just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported us over the past few months- things have been challenging, but it means the world to me that i was able to wait it out and make it safely into my unit. i had to email the apartment complex nearly every day for a while and i thought it would never come, i was starting to lose hope for a while. i genuinely thought they were on the verge of turning me away towards the end
spending months bouncing back and forth between place to place, dragging my things back and forth, not knowing how long i would have until the apartment complex finally got back to me was one of the roughest challenges of my life. i was fortunate to not have been on the street and i cannot claim that i know what that life is like. my heart goes out to you if you have had to endure that experience- just let it be known that you are stronger than anyone can ever possibly give you credit for and you should not have had to endure what you did
i know i had an 'easier' experience with homelessness than some folks have, and i'm grateful. i cannot stress enough how much i appreciate every single person who has reached out to help, whether it's kind words or mon etary, the amount of people who have reached out has blown me away all throughout this ordeal. even now as i'm stabilizing and trying to build up what is necessary to live all over again, i am constantly blown away by the kind words, messages and support from everyone.
i know many of us end up being total strangers at the end of the day, but thank you, for everything- whether you've shared or interacted with our posts, sent us aid or reached out with a message, i owe you more than i can ever possibly repay you. i'm not sure why i'm feeling so sentimental this evening, maybe because of how hot it is even well after sundown... but seriously, thank you all for your kindness and generosity
community means looking out for each other and you all have done that for me a million times over. i will do my due diligence to continue contributing back to the community in as many ways as i am able to. together, we keep each other strong. y'all are amazing
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notsoattractivearenti · 2 years ago
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Between Us (Christian Pulisic x Fem!Reader)
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Song Inspo: They Don't Know About Us - One Direction
WC: 1.2K
Warnings: curse words, a little angst but mostly fluff
A/N: I miss Christian (I mean, don't we all?) so I decided to write a fluff for him 🥹💕 Hope you all enjoy, and I'd love to hear your thoughts through reply/reblog/ask! 🫶 Special thanks to @ariddletobesolved for proofreading 💖 Feedbacks would be highly appreciated!
–––
“They don’t know how special you are
They don’t know what you’ve done to my heart
They can say anything they want
‘Cause they don’t know us”
–––
Since the moment your relationship with Christian went public, you’ve been receiving a lot of mixed reactions. Some are positives, and some are negatives. Dating a famous professional athlete was never in your book, but somehow you met and fell in love with him despite his job and status. Besides, you can’t really control who you love can you? You didn’t care that he’s famous nor will you ever, because it didn’t matter. What truly matters is the genuine love shared between the two of you.
No, you’re not a celebrity. You weren’t famous at all. You work nowhere near the media or even football. You’re just someone ‘ordinary’. You randomly met him at a bar in London during a night-out with your girlfriends – one went to a college in London, and you happened to be in the city to visit her. You knew who Christian was but you didn’t want to freak him out so you tried to act cool, and before you knew it he asked for your number. From there on, the rest is history.
Days before you two went ‘Instagram official’, you were already so anxious about how people were going to react. You know he has a lot of fans, and they could be pretty ruthless with their comments. They basically could get away with anything, since they could create any persona they wanted and stayed anonymous on the internet, which was and still is terrifying to even think about. You didn’t want to hear people talking shit about your relationship, but at the same time you knew it was sort of inevitable. You two wanted to keep it lowkey, but didn’t want to hide it from the world. After long talks and careful considerations, you both decided to go public.
You couldn’t be grateful for the support people have given you, but negative comments about you and your relationship sometimes would mess with your head. 
“What the fuck does he find attractive about her??? cause I don’t see it!! 🤮”
“they’re not gonna last. mark my words”
“yikes... everyone knows Pulisic deserves better”
“😒 how they got together in the first place I’ll never know”
“she’s so basic... lmao puli open ur fucking eyes 🙄”
“another episode of clout-chasing girlie dating a footballer”
“if he does terrible on the pitch now u know why”
You’ve been trying to ignore those awful comments, but since you’re not used to the attention, it was hard not to think about those things they’d said. You knew they’re nothing but strangers on the internet, but you couldn’t stop thinking to yourself: what if everything they said was true? Am I not good enough for Christian? Does this relationship not make sense? Are we not going to last?
Christian has been very protective of you, and he’s told you so many times to just ignore everything. He’s been reassuring you that those internet trolls have no idea what they’re talking about.
“Y/N, love... Stop. Just stop looking at those comments.” He took your phone, locked the screen, and put it away. 
“You are perfect for me, Y/N, they just don’t know that. God, you’re fucking amazing! Believe me, if they got to know you, they would take their words back.”
You shrugged and shook your head while looking down, “You’re my boyfriend, of course you’d say that.”
His brows knitted as he let out a sigh, “No, that’s not true! Even if I wasn’t, I’d definitely say what I said. Why can’t you see it?”
“Christian...” You paused, “do you think our relationship is going to last? I mean, I love you...” You were fidgeting your fingers, hesitated a little to continue because you were afraid of how he was going to react. 
“But I- I just... I don’t think I’m good enough for you,” you whimpered.
“Excuse me?”
You took a deep breath, still avoiding eye contact, “maybe they were right, Chris. You deserve bet-”
“No,” he cut you off before you even finished what you were saying, “don’t even think about it. I wouldn’t have asked you to be my girlfriend if I didn’t think we’re going to last. There is- hey, look at me,” as he lifted up your chin, your eyes met his beautiful chocolate eyes, “there is no one else that fits me better but you, Y/N. You are my one and only. If anything, you are way out of my league.” 
You blushed, trying not to giggle but you couldn’t help it. “Dammit Pulisic, you really have a way with words don’t you?”
He grinned, he was pleased to hear your cute little giggle. “I’m the luckiest fucking guy,” he said before he leaned closer to you, his lips was gently pressed against yours for a moment, then he whispered, “I still couldn’t believe you are mine.”
That man really swept you off your feet. You have never experienced this kind of love before. Every single day with him feels like heaven. When it’s just the two of you, it feels like the world revolves around you – nothing else matters but you and him. He is the only man you’ve ever had late night talks with – well, it’s mostly late night for him because you live in the States and you’re like 5 hours behind him. Hell, you both dropped the L bomb to one another a month into your relationship – your friends thought it was way too fast, but the truth is it wasn’t. You had never been so sure about any man ever, and you just knew Christian is different – special, one-of-a-kind. 
Before no one acknowledged you, you felt a lot freer. You didn’t have to worry about how others would perceive you or judge you. Now, people are watching your every move, ready to bring up even the tiniest mistake you made just because you’re dating their favorite footballer. You became very self-conscious, and Christian noticed that. He felt guilty because he thought because of him you had to go through this and he knew you didn’t deserve any of the horrible judgements, but he’s never stopped giving you the reassurance you needed. At one point, he wanted to post something on Instagram to defend you, however you told him not to so he didn’t do it.
“Baby...” as he held your hands, “honestly, I just want the world to know you’re mine. I’m sorry that I’ve caused you any trouble, but I don’t want you to worry ‘cause I’m always here for you. They don’t know shit about us, they really don’t...”
“I know Chris, I know. I just, um... I need time to get used to this, you know? This is the risk I have to take to be with you, and I will eventually find my way around it.”
He smiled and nodded, he understood how you were feeling. “Let’s just keep things between us, yeah? It’s more than enough that they now know we’re together. Who cares, right?”
You laughed a bit, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I just want you to know... You’re it for me.” He kissed the top of your head, then rested his forehead against yours. “I love you, Y/N. Now and forever.”
Your cheeks turned bright red and the biggest smile appeared on your face. “I love you, Christian.”
–––
“They don’t know about the things we do
They don’t know about the I love you’s
But I bet you if they only knew,
They would just be jealous of us”
–––
taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @masonspulisic @swimmingismywholelife @chelseagirl98 @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @mortirolo @masonsrem
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russellsppttemplates · 2 years ago
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You have me (Charles Leclerc)
Note: english is not my first language. This is, again, particularly special because this is a topic that I feel huge responsibility writing about and I feel grateful that I'm trusted enough to have it be requested. This is a neurodivergent!reader piece and while I, like I said in the other one I wrote, like to see everything as we are all the same and I hate the idea of labelling, I tried to do this is the most respectful way with help and knowledge that I gathered over the years. These are a few little moments but they are in no way representative of the whole spectrum! And please remember, there are 5 fingers in a hand and they're all different and we need them all, there's no need to spread hatred or mean words to someone just because they're "different" than what is socially expected as the norm 🩶
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm not taking requests, but I am writing some blurbs when I can (usually at nighttime when I can) so if you have any ideas or concepts that can be written in a small amount of sentences and you want to share, feel free to do so!
If things had been going smoothly with Charles, right now they had taken a bad turn. You did not usually get that bothered about people commenting on how you sometimes behaved differently when compared to other people, but when you noticed a few more accounts that supported your boyfriend and his racing team point out how you usually stayed back and did not get involved directly in the celebrations, how all the other drivers had gone to an after party and you and Charles had stayed behind in the hotel and how apparently you had been keeping him from the world, nastier words flying around about you like they weren't directed at a human. Sure, there had been the odd comment here and there but usually people had been very respectful about it, even when it came to people approaching you and Charles on the street during your walks around the city, they respected your space while still being kind and understanding, but it seemed that online they had taken their thumbs to a new level, the posts even so much as going to make fun of things like how you tended to tap your fingers on top of the counter in the Ferrari garage or how you rarely ever took off rhe headphones as the noises around you bothered you a lot. Deciding that it wouldn't do you any good to keep looking at what other people thought about you, you locked your phone when you heard the front door unlock, youe boyfriend coming in as he dropped his training bag in its usual place, "Mon coeur, I'm home! I showered at the gym too, so I don't smell bad. Are you up for a hug?", he said as he crossed the corner and sat next to you on the sofa, already noticing your nervous stance, "is everything alright?", he asked worriedly, "is something bothering you that I can help with?", he finished carefully as he tried not to approach you too much, knowing you liked your personal space if you were feeling particularly sensory overwhelmed, "it's not what you think it is, everything is fine on that", you said simply, "but people online have been really mean. And without any reason for it. It's not my fault", you said as you felt your lip tremble slightly, hearing a sigh on Charles' part, "I also saw it this morning, I was genuinely hoping you wouldn't see it. I never meant to hide it from you", he apologised as he tentatively reached for your hand, your own hesitating before latching into his, "I know you didn't. And I don't want to hide from it either. But it also doesn't make sense as to why they're doing it, because it really isn't nice", you admitted as you seeked for more comfort in the for of running the zipper up and down on your boyfriend's sweatshirt jacket material, your head snuggling into his chest, "I was thinking, with your permission obviously, about posting something. Doesn't need to be very structured but I want to show them that I do not support that whatsoever. I love you so much beyond whatever they are pointing out. All of it is part of you and I am madly in love with every single part of you and will not tolerate this behaviour towards you", he said as he kissed the top of your head, "that'd be good, yes", you admitted, "I love you too, handsome".
.
"I'm going to play some games with the guys, okay?", Charles said as he placed his hand on your shoulder, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he excused himself from the living room where you stayed in reading your book. You flicked through the pages quite quickly, the plot holding your attention until you decided you wanted to take a bath, the position you had been in from working on your laptop for university making your muscles tense and a bit painful. Grabbing the usual products you use, you carefully let them soak in the water for a bit before it was at the perfect level for you to get inside, your muscles welcoming the warmth while you got the rest of your body submerged, just enjoying the peace and quiet as only the water swooshing around was heard.
Charles had lost yet another battle with George as they raced on the game, "honestly, Charles, will you ever win?", Alex asked as Pierre could only laugh, "I'm trying, I really am", he said as he managed to restart the game, racing eachother like they did on track until he heard a rhythmic noise, almost sounding like a bang, and he was up before the gears fully turned in their head, "I have to go, guys, bye!", he said as he followed the noise, the inkling he had that it came from your shared bathroom proving to be true as he heard you inside, opening the door as he announced his presence, "mon coeur, I'm coming in!", he said as he walked inside, his hand coming to the edge of the bath where your head had been banging on, "Hey, gentle, gentle", he urged you to stop, "all good now?", he said as he grabbed a towell, with his other hand, ready if you wanted to leave, "sorry, got distracted", you mumbled as you looked up at him, "No need to apoligise, just don't want you to hurt your pretty head. Do you want to stay for a bit longer?", he asked, your head shaking no as you accepted his help to get out, your foot tapping on the drain piece so the water would go while you let your boyfriend wrap the towell around your body, kissing your shoulder once he had you in his embrace, "you smell nice", he said as he guided you both back to the bedroom, "it's my new scent, the one I chose with your mother as my birthday gift", you revealed, Pascale being attentive to the scents that you did and didn't like. While you got ready in the bathroom, Charles offered to make dinner, "Ma belle, dinner is on the table", he announced as you got up from the sofa, joining him at the table for your meal, "this is really nice, I like this recipe", you said, "you do? That's great, means I can cook more often for you", he beamed, happy to have made something you liked, "so definitely nothing like the pie I made last week?", earning a giggle from you, "it was okay, Charles, just not my favourite though".
.
While sitting on the hospitality's outside area, you and Charles enjoyed the sunset while he spoke to Carlos and the engineering team about the upcoming race, your thoughts leaving you to distract yourself and you started running your hands through your hair, grabbing a strand and twisting it along your fingers, doing it without minding it much until you felt a knot forming, "here, mon coeur", you heard Charles whisper quietly as he placed your hand on the nape of his neck, your fingers quickly finding the longer hairs in there that he had yet to get cut and running your fingers there, "merci", you whispered as you took the opportunity to look at how his eyes looked even more beautiful against the sunlight that was painting the sky, "I'm here for you, always. You have me.".
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bg3sinbin · 8 months ago
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Alright so I told myself I wouldn't post anything about it... but I still can't stop thinking about the A!Astarion kisses, Tav/Durge's face during it, and the stupid blow up around it. So here we go
Warnings: This is long and rambly and contains all kinds of spoilers. I am an A!Astarion lover. I will not be responding to discourse on this post. I do not care if you disagree. Make your own vent post.
OKAY so the brunt of the arguments I keep trying to ignore seeing surrounding this are how the expressions are "immersion breaking" for A!A fans, and everyone else clowning on them (sometimes rightfully so tho, ngl) because "the game gives the player expressions all the time! why are u mad now? do u just want ur Tav/Durge to be a blank slate?? lmao idiot" which ??? okay it feels like ur purposefully missing the point.
Yeah, actually sometimes this game gives my Durge some really ooc reactions. And it does, in fact, bother me. That being said, that is to be expected when u take an oc u had for like ten years and try to stick them in a pre-programmed video game. Things are gonna get ooc sometimes.
It also though, is usually smaller moments. Or things that happen Once and then u move on. Conversations where I go "hmmm. he wouldn't say any of these. oh well." or moments where he reacts negatively to terrible things that this evil bastard would normally laugh at. OH. WELL.
Now here's where my frustration actually come in. This game does a really good job, probably a better job than anything else I've played, at letting u play an interesting evil char. Something more than just "I am Rude, Aggressive, and A Dick To Everyone" and thus being punished for it gameplay wise.
I can play The Dark Urge, literal child of the god of murder, a canon necrophiliac, cannibalistic, gore freak that was going to flatten the entire world. There is a whole ass plot line and ending (multiple achievements included!) surrounding doing just that. There's all kinds of nasty interactions/plot options programmed in.
Yet, to the best of my memory, my Durge doesn't look horrified when we choose to slaughter the grove. He doesn't look horrified when we choose to kill the Dame Aylin, or Isobel. He isn't Obviously Distraught when we choose to help Astarion complete the ritual, or when we kill Shadowheart's parents, or become an Unholy Assassin of Bhaal.
To my knowledge, the player character isn't made to look afraid when kissing Dark Justiciar!Shadowheart, nor when they are literally poisoned by kissing Minthara. Sure, u CAN be offended about it in the convo with her after, but its still ur choice as the player.
I mean shit, they even patched in (in that very same patch) a positive, supportive reaction from ur evil partners at the end when u take over the nether brain! (at least for A!Astarion, and Minthara) so now when u do the evil thing that u and ur evil partner have been talking about all game, they don't suddenly change their opinion the second u actually do it.
And I really appreciate that about bg3. I can make evil choices and get interesting outcomes rather than the game just locking me out of all content actually made for that quest. Like ffs u can only get Minthara's romance scene if u slaughter dozens of innocents.
THIS GAME REWARDS U FOR DOING THE BAD THING. And like the evil options do usually have drawbacks and/or are less fleshed out than the good ones, but there are whole ass plots arcs u will never see if u only play good chars. This game makes playing an evil character interesting.
So why is it that I can do all that, and make/have my Durge react (mostly) accordingly, yet the moment the partner I chose acts controlling, now is when my characters feelings are being decided for me?
I can spend the whole game hearing Astarion talk about how spawn are controlled, how all vampires want is power, and I can say to his face "yes! this character wants that! turn me!" and yet somehow... what? the creators think I didn't know?
It just genuinely doesn't make sense to me. Like I can choose, through dialogue, that my Durge is power hungry, and very into the idea of being Astarion's pretty little lap dog. He knew what he was signing up for! And yet he looks terrified when his vampire bf (who has been feeding on him all game) bites his lip?? really?
Idk I just have some really weird feelings on some of the ways they try to Really Emphasize that u made the wrong choice for Astarion specifically, and this just exemplifies that.
Either do the rest of ur characters this service, make all of them (make every choice in the game) a moral lesson for the player to learn, where u hold their hand and say "u didn't listen to what they actually needed :c u could have done the good thing but u didn't :c"
Or let me play my evil bastard. And let me revel in it.
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