#but I also know how people write female characters like this so im already losing hope

[jellophoid]

I have a philosophy of never hating of female character in a game,,and I know shes unpopular too so thats even more reason not to hate her,,,,so ill hold my opinion until after this,,,

[knightsickness]

Rhaenyra being a good person and ruler is not boring. Ned was boring?

was considering answering this with ‘lose the question mark’ but that felt mean i do like ned i think hes a good character. and the thing is ned is a boring guy on a personal level all characters agree but he isnt a boring character nice ≠ boring i dont need everyone to be evil. i dont dislike rhaenyra just bc shes soso nice and i only like villains

i dont know when ‘a character having strong motivations and flaws makes them more compelling than a character who is inoffensively nice’ became controversial i would consider it character writing 101. hotd fans leap down your throat about it bc of the teams discourse. ‘aegon was more interesting than rhaenyra in season 2’ isnt an aegon rules rhaenyra drools team green argument it is objectively true aegon is more motivated and he does more

it is not compelling character stuff and an insult to emma’s abilities that they wont let rhaenyra do anything or have any motivations apart from a) peace shes a pacifist and doesnt want to be in the war she is a de facto leader in except maybe she does want to be in the war? (dragonseeds) b) the stupid prophecy c) the throne but she refuses to have a war about it bc see point a). and she states these motivations every episode but theyre actively contradictory so as a result she just doesnt do anything shes almost entirely reactive. if she really cares so much about not having a war and harming her people there are many actions she could take to change that and make a peace but she wont do that bc she wants her father’s throne (far more sentimental and niceys than anything as selfish and crass as her ugh just wanting the throne) and believes she has to be queen and is the chosen one bc of the prophecy. but she doesnt want a war bc women are wise and war is bad so so so she got main character screentime and did almost nothing in eight episodes. end of season 2 even though the war has been literally happening around her people are still talking about when rhaenyra is going to recognise this and start acting like it. a goalpost that has been moved from lukes death to jaces death bc lukes death affected her and her policy veryy little considering how confident everyone was that this means WAR get ready for a NEW DARK RHAENYRA a mothers RAGE. and that just didnt happen at all

baela and to a lesser extent rhaenys also get hit w this really hard theyre a blandly inoffensive Strong Female Character slurry being smeared on my face like im a baby and id get scared if they had any selfish desires. and this does work at pleasing people who are already tb fanatics yayy girlboss imagine liking the creeps on tg over these characters who are women who are nice but it makes for dull characters and plotlines it insults the ability of the audience to like women unless theyre completely sandblasted of anything potentially controversial. i have no idea what motivates baela to fight for rhaenyras cause other than ‘shes jaces nice girlfriend’. and thats really bad !! ned cat brienne sansa dany etc wanted and did things characters can be nice and morally good and motivated and compelling

[catboygirljoker]

Questions 1, 21, 23 and 25 for Xiggles on that character questions meme (surprised if no one sent any about him already)

oagh thank you !! i havent received any asks for that ask game yet actually!

character ask game :o)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

[vibrating] i have a normal and countable number of things i like about him. for right now: hes representative of many of my favorite things about KH.

one of those things is its thematic depth—he has really interesting interactions with a lot of my favorite themes in the games, including identity/personhood, fatalism, authority figures failing those under their authority, also a lot of the Christian themes/motifs (and the ways those themes are played with), also the ways in which characters parallel each other or act as foils to each other. lotta stuff to dig into there!

another thing i like about KH is its sprawling, epic scope. and luxubar is present for or has a hand in nearly every single plot element in the games. call that bitch humpty dumpty the way he was always there

another thing that characters, like. fuck up? they make mistakes and are wrong about things. they lose sight of their noble goals or do the wrong thing in pursuit of them and end up being unable to achieve those goals. they spread lies and misinformation on accident or on purpose. and boy howdy luxubar has made a lot of mistakes and told a lot of lies. hes a complicated messy flawed character!

all of that AND he's Fucking Weird!!! just a fully bizarre person who says weird shit! even if you dont know anything about his backstory he's still one of the most memorable and fun characters in the series!

in terms of what i dont like about him. 99% of the things someone might criticize about him, i would respond with "yeah thats the point, thats why he rules as a chracter". but if someone said "i hate xigbar because hes a misogynist" i wouldnt even have a response. like yeah. he says some weird "haha girls am i right" shit in Days. i Dont like how he talks to Aqua in BbS. the only thing i could really say is "xigbar is a misogynist because he is in a game series written by misogynists and you have to correct for that" but i still kinda grimace every time he talks to or about a female character. really hoping thats not intentional and future games wont continue to characterize him that way

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

oh man i could give a dozen different answers for this...in developing his overarching story in my current fic, im really enjoying exploring the like. existential horror of his Whole Deal with the added wrench of "trans man in a cis man's body". no body dysphoria at the cost of total alienation from his body and from potential community with other trans people. unable to participate in conversations about transness; unable to explain why. especially since my other protagonist [oc lamia] is transmasc and has his own complicated relationship with gender and his own body. much too think about !!!

i dont really know how to answer the "what i dont like" part of the question lol...like i write fic as a way to explore a piece of media and its characters. saying something like "i wish he had [x] characteristic so i could do [y] plot thing" feels like saying "i wish this person im interviewing had said something different so i could write this interview differently". like idk! im doing literary criticism, effectively, my writing is responsive to the character, i just writes him like i sees him

23. Favorite picture of this character?

oh MAN i could give a million different answers for this.... right now im thinking a lot about this half second pose he has in DDD.

just something very funny to me about seeing him giving a thumbs up. the supportive smiler.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

ive answered this question here! relinking because theres a video clip involved lol. primarily my first impression of him was "evil little league coach". that was before i even played Days, he's REALLY an evil little league coach in that game. it's remained basically true for him to me this whole time.

now whenever i see him im just like "THE BITCH HIMSELF <3 <3 <3 <3 <3" and i kick my legs and smile and grin and clap and play.

[11queensupreme11]

Just wanted to ask (not sure if this got sent properly) but how could a loser!girlflop!MC NOT set back feminism?

Especially in the premise of your fic, where, if the tags are anything to go by, the female girlflop mc will lose everything she holds dear including her mental stability and bodily autonomy to five or more overpowered MEN (granted they are gods, but still men.)

The main difference between her and OG!Percy, who got both the love of his life Annabeth and a pretty set future at New Rome College? Their gender.

Just to explain, I for one fully, or at least mostly understood what I was getting into when I began reading Arsenic Blues. I saw the Dead Dove tag, and know how to differentiate reality from fiction.

However, there’s a possibility that some loud mouthed single braincelled men out there (or women with internalized misogyny) that considers a fem!Percy with practically the same strength, abilities, and personality, too pretentious or something, began reading your fic after seeing the tags to get off on fem!Percy being non con fucked out of her mind, traumatized, and knocked down a peg or billion, reduced to a mere common victim of the gods, because they don’t like the concept of a strong fem!Percy. Cuz surely a loser coded girl saving Olympus is just a fluke and she needs to be put in her place by capable men😒

(This possibility is of course not your problem nor responsibility of course, but it still does not negate the fact that it sets back feminism, as some may use it as “proof” that women are inferior idiots that can’t be trusted with power.

“Look at OG!Male!Percy! He saved Olympus and the world twice with little to no major losses, got the girl, and has a bright future! Look at fem!Percy. This idiot managed to destroy her world in her stupid attempt to do what only a male version of her could! I knew that first time was a fluke!)

An example of this would be Zenitsu from Demon Slayer, ( a loser coded cringey but cute badass, first character that came to mind), who has a pretty large fan base despite his loser personality. Make Zenitsu a girl, and all of a sudden everyone is bashing her for being the weak link, dead weight, pick me bitch.

Or using TBOSAS, some people truly blame Lucy Gray for leaving a clearly psychotic person and says that the Hunger Games were her fault for leaving. It’s her fault that Snow turned evil, blaming the woman for the man’s actions.

(you sent this twice, but the only difference is the last paragraph, so im just gonna answer to this one instead of repeating both, hope you don't mind!)

i truly don't believe my fanfic is gonna set feminism back because, as you said, it's not my responsibility if some incel or girl with internalized misogyny sees it and uses it as a "gotcha" that "hahaha girls are weak cuz look what happened to fem!percy".

no normal person is gonna read my fic (or any book like this in general tbh) and suddenly think "omg.... girls are inferior to men! this book told me so and i'm gonna take it as fact!". if someone does think that, then they already had issues to begin with way before they started reading. my fic did not give them those issues.

normal ppl don't let themselves get influenced by a book in such a way because they've already gotten a solidified sense of right or wrong and they should already know "yeah the stuff happening to this MC is bad and not at all their fault. anyway! time to enjoy more of their suffering 🤪".

UNLESS ofc, they don't have a fully solidified sense of right or wrong, meaning they're just way too young to be reading my fic (or books like it). even then, not really my fault because i already gave out the warnings and even ao3 gives an additional "are you sure you wanna read this?" page. people can't control who reads the fics/books, they can just give out warnings

also, about the og male!percy vs my fem!percy thing, i can easily just write fanfic about og!percy going through the same thing. then what are they gonna say? in fact, there already ARE some juicy dark fics about poor og percy, savior of olympus, being reduced to just another victim of the gods (there's actually a lot more dark fics of og!percy going through traumatizing shit then there are fem!percy ones hehe 😍)

[marunalu]

Hi, Im wondering if its true that shonen jump will get in trouble with their government if they make it canon? How does the jp audience feel about this whole bakudeku vs izuocha war? Just asking out of curiosity.

So to answer your ask properly I need to explain a little about the censoring of gay representation in japan. I already know, a lot of people will not like what I will write now, so let me tell you I did my research about this topic already a 3-4 years ago and talked with japanese people living in japan, non japanese people, japanese bkdk shippers, non shippers and in generell with people who know a lot about this kind of stuff. And pretty much all of them told me the very same thing: that at least 50 more years need to pass till weekly shonen jump will allow an openly gay mc in their magazine.

In japan the gay censoring is VERY strict. Its not as bad as in many other countrys, but its still not good. Not even gay marriage is allowed and if a gay couple wants to live together, one of them needs to ADOPT the other and gay people also need to fear the possebility that their familys will bann them for their sexuality out of shame - and bringing shame to the family will literally destroy your life. In media gay representation is very strictly handled and watched over by the japanese government. Homosexuality is still seen as something "unpure". Something that is not quite normal. It has become better over the years, but in generell their view still sucks.

Thats why children till a certain age are not allowed to come in contact with everything that is or seems "gay". They want their children to stay "pure". Japan also has a problem with their birthrate, because more and more woman focus on their carriers and if anything they only want one child instead of 3, how it was once the norm. So they want to make sure that at least this children "stay streight" so they will give birth to their own children one day. By their logic: less gay people means more birth of children. Japan may be a very modern country, but when it comes to this topic they are certainly not. A lot of younger people want things to change, but still not much has changed for the better.

The anime and manga industry is one of the things japan makes the most money from, because of its popularity all around the world and because they want to support their artists and their art. But this industry is also very cruel and strict. There is a reason why so many mangakas get sick over the years and suffer from depressions and anime animators are terrible underpaid for all the work they do.

Like I already wrote the censorship of homosexuality in japanese media is very strict and mangakas, animators and puplishers have to go with the rules, otherwise they can lose their jobs or their storys will never see the light of day. Thats why mangas and animes are seperated into genres and age groups so younger children or teenagers dont see things they arent supposed to see till an certain age. Jump for example has a whole magazine series and all of them puplish mangas for a different reader group, age group and genre. For example jump+ is an online magazine, directed at adult female readers and allow gay main characters (blue flag comes to mind), because this online magazine is directed at woman who love gay romance. Other example is the magazine jump square directed to readers from 16 to 21. It also allows open gay representation. For example seraph: the sexuality of the mc is open for interpretation, but the mcs best friend is openly gay and both are attrackted to each other. Now we are comming to the weekly shonen jump magazine which mha is pulished in. This magazine is directed at young boys from the age of 9-13. Yes, a lot of older readers and woman read it too, but it doesnt change the fact that this magazine is directed at younger male readers. And like I wrote earlier, the gay censoring is so strict that children till a certain age are not allowed to come in contact with it. Thats the reason why till to this day, not one of weekly shonen jumps mangas has a confirmed and openly gay mc. Its simply not allowed, so to finally answer your question: yes! Shonen jump would get into trouple if they would allow a mangaka to make his mc gay. If a mangaka wants his mc to be gay, bi etc. his manga automatical would be puplished in one of the other magazines, like jump square, because its for older readers.

What weekly shonen jump allows are hints about homosexuality which would fly over the heads of younger readers and as long as its not the mc. And most of the time gay or trans representation is not portrayed in a positive light, but for comedic relief, the characters are unlikeable or have almost no screentime. Take mha for an example, magne and tiger are both trans. But magne was not only killed off very early in the story but also was a villain - one of the bad guys. Tiger is a hero, but has almost no screentime and doesnt talk much. Has no importance to the story. Toga was confirmted to be bi by hori, but not in the manga itself but in a interview. Togas sexuality would fly over younger childrends heads, because the manga only gives hints. Also just like magne toga is a villain - a girl who killed dotzens of people and loves to drink their blood. Not very good representation of bi people. Other example from bleach: there is an character named yumichika. His sexuality was never confirmed, but its pretty obvious that he is gay. In the beginning yumichka was a very unlikeable person and while he changed for the better, a lot of people still think his beauty fetish makes him very annoying. There are two trans characters (never openly confirmed by the author, but its pretty clear) named charlotte chulhorn who is a villain and a gag character and giselle also a villain who is pretty fucked up in the head. So you see the weekly shonen jump magazine doesnt really offer good representation of gay, bi or trans characters.

So, comming to an conclusion: if horikoshi or any other mangaka would want their mc to be gay, espicially openly gay and represent as a positiv thing, their storys would have been puplished in an other manga magazine and not weekly shonen jump, because the age group this magazine is directed at simply doesnt allow it. So yes, if weekly shonen jump would be a little more open they would get into trouple with the japanese government who watches their media very closely.

To answer your question about how the japanese readers think about the bkdk and izuocha war. Honestly I dont really know, all I know is that izuocha is not as hated as many non japanese bkdk shippers claim it is. It is the most popular hetero ship together with todomomo. Gay ships like bkdk, tododeku, kiribaku are so imcredible popular mainly because of female readers. Male readers dont really care about shipping, its more of an woman thing. But from what I have been told by both japanese bkdk fans and non shippers most of them are very well aware that no gay ship has any kind of chance to end up canon. Only the really hardcore fuyoshi fangirls dont want to accept it. To most japanese shippers its also not really a question about what will be canon and what not. They ship for fun. The japanese fandom takes this whole shipping thing by far not as serious as western countrys do.

At least I want to make clear, that nothing I wrote here is my personal opinion or taste when it comes to japans censoring. Its just from what I found out during my research about the topic. I would love to have more good gay, bi, trans, pan etc. representation in shonen jump, but I just see the things from a more realistic view. The only thing bkdk or shippers in generell can hope for is that all the characters stay single in the end, so hori would let it open for interpretation.

[m4rgera]

dave england ★ lonely girl part one

authors note : sorry for the length! i would rather have it be really long and impactful then short and boring. last few paragraphs are not proof read since i wrote them slightly in a rush. they will be fixed and edited tomorrow.

warning : this story will contain sexual subjects, drug use, drinking and topics of severe stress and anxiety. the character is written as female, although she / they pronouns are used. if you are sensitive to any of those please refrain from reading this. also lowercase is intended, requests are open for one shots and headcannons.

“hello?” monotone rang throughout the phone. the line was blank until jeffs voice was finally heard from the other end, “hey y/n, quick update on the show. its premiering tomorrow night and mtv rented out a spot in a bar for the whole crew tonight, to get an early viewing. im just calling everyone to let them know. hopefully see you there.” the line went blank. it took you a few seconds to process what jeff had said with how quickly he spewed it out.

you slammed the notebook shut that you had been scribbling some ideas for stunts down in. being a screenwriter for jackass was, well, tricky to say the least. it’s difficult to write a script for a show where all thats going on is injuries, injuries, and more injuries. you got stressed and frustrated easily with it yet couldn’t afford to lose your job.

your plans for staring through the notebook for the entire night and not getting any ideas out, were ruined. you let out a huff, not quite yet having the motivation to at least change your clothes and brush your teeth.

the bar wasn’t exactly packed. besides the whole crew, there wasn’t too many people in here. some of the guys had brought some of there buddies along and there were a handful of girls from set as well. you weaved your way through until you were will the few people you felt comfortable with being around — stephen and chris.

stephen had been supplying you with xanax for the past month after your doctor cut your prescription on it. it surprised you since he never really complained when coming to him for it, and never made you pay. yeah he was your plug but he was also a genuinely great guy. and chris just radiated happiness. when filming sometimes he would just sit by you and smile, he was a sweet guy.

“dude! you just missed steve-o licking ricks hairy ass nipple!” chris yelled while walking over to the wall you were slightly leaning against.

“wow, i really wish i didn’t miss that!” you said with a sarcastic tone. “don’t worry it’s all on video.” chris giggled while holding the camcorder up for you to see, you gave him a smile back. stephen came shuffling over to you two, stumbling slightly on his own feet. he had a drink in his hands that was nearly empty, “bro this is sick. we’re like famous or some shit.” stephen chuckled while nudging chris.

you tried your best to make small talk with the two of them, but most of your time was spent with trying to convince stephen not to lick everyone in sight. it was almost like watching a toddler, except the toddler is 26 and on ecstasy. “you haven’t really talked with the other guys have you?” a voice was heard right behind your shoulder, knoxville.

you were acquainted with johnny but never got to much talking. in a way he almost intimidated you, he came up with stunts and ideas so easily and it wasn’t even his job to, it was yours. “um, yea not really. i didn’t wanna come here. i got a ton of work to catch up on.” your voice was just loud enough for him to hear. everyone was having such a great time and you didn’t wanna bring down anyone’s mood just because you were so worried about work.

“ahh, well thats never a good excuse to not have a good time!” he gave you a slap on the back, and shook your shoulder slightly. “they already know everyone on set. just go chit-chat, you’ll be fine.” you pursed your lips and nodded slightly. you could visibly see him sigh before walking over to a group of some other guys, you deciding to follow along.

“you just can’t get enough of me can you.” johnny implied ending his sentence with a small chuckle. “yea right, you told me to talk so im here to talk.” he gave you a small shrug of defeat before pointing at a boy with blonde hair, and what looked to be blue eyes. yet it was hard to see anything under the horrid lighting of the bar. “see, him over there. that’s dave, go talk to him. you two will get along.” he shoved you slightly away, sighing you decided to go talk. it would be better then just sitting here in boredom swallowed by the thought of jeff scolding you next week for lack of script.

you made your way over, it looked like he was talking with chris, this calmed your nervousness a bit. you were familiar with chris and comfortable enough to go talk. turning around you could see johnny giving you a thumbs up and smile, you gave a small laugh before flipping him off and walking over to chris.

“yay, y/n’s back!” chris’ words were starting to melt together due to the alcohol, earning a laugh out of you. “y/n this is dave, but you already know him im assuming.” chris drunkenly waved his hand in the air while speaking. you looked at dave, who didn’t look quite as intoxicated as chris but had a drink in hand.

“your lucky your not meeting darf right now.” chris continued on with his awkward little giggle, “darf?” you questioned chris, looking over at dave who looked just as confused as you did. “darf is dave when drunk. and darf is not a fun guy, trust me.” chris was describing all his words with hand motions, it had both you and dave laughing. “hey did someone roofie chris?” dave yelled out jokingly.

“you caught me, i roofied chris.” you held your hands up in defeat. “yea right, it was probaly fucking steve-o or someone, but im not roofied. this was all caused by that tap over there.” chris waved his hand over to the bar, where the tapped beer was.

“are you implying i can’t roofie someone?” you turned your head towards chris pretending to be mad at him, but he just kept laughing. “no y/n im sure you’ve roofied tons of people before!” dave said imitating chris’ dramatic hand motions.

“you know that’s not funny dave. y/n would never roofie anyone, and if they did, it’s would be themselves… or themselves.” chris tried to laugh at his own joke, it was until he noticed neither dave or me were really laughing until he stopped.

“that was a joke, y/n hates drugs.” he winked very obnoxiously, which was followed by a giggle again. “you know i’m hoping that was a joke but i have a feeling it isn’t.” dave said, the laughter continuing on.

“it isn’t.” chris was in a unstoppable fit of laughter. you shot him a small look of disappointment, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to hit him. “maybe he’s so drunk he’s confusing you for steve-o.” dave nudged you with his elbow slightly and you forced yourself to a laugh.

it wasn’t until now you had really looked at what dave looked like. and it sounds odd but his smile was very odd looking, almost like it would cause a domino effect of smiles. and that’s exactly what it did, you found yourself smiling just as big and chris and dave, yet you weren’t quite sure what you were smiling for.

“hey i heard that and it wasn’t funny. y/n is nothing like steve-o!”

“yea im definitely driving him home tonight.” you sighed in defeat as chris wobbled away towards ehren and preston. “someone definitely is.” dave blurted out before downing the rest of his drink.

the night was passing by pretty quickly. you weren’t fleeing to chris and stephen when left alone, because for the remainder of the night you have been with dave. you went on explaining to him how much work had been getting to you lately. you wouldn’t normally share that with someone you met a few hours ago, but he was going on about how some of the stunts were more interesting in the past few weeks and the conversation just bloomed naturally.

“if i were you i wouldn’t stress too much about the stunts. if jeff doesn’t like them he’ll just modify them. plus you can always just call me and i could give you some idea starters.” you hummed at his words, only really picking up parts of the conversation, only really picking up parts of the conversation. “yeah, i guess so, but i mean if jeff ever found out i feel like i can get in trouble for it.” your starting to feel there was no way of getting around this obstacle they called the writer's block. in a couple weeks you probably get another phone call from jeff warning you that if you didn't get any work in soon you're going to lose your job. you didn't want to have to put the burden on dave - someone you just met an hour ago - of helping you write things for your job, not his.

“who said jeff had to find out?”

a few weeks have passed by and nothing interesting really happened at the bar, except for you and dave exchanging numbers strictly for work purposes. although you do find yourself thinking sometimes you wish it wasn't for work purposes. whenever that happens you have to block out the thought, jeff was already getting mad at you enough for getting you're working late. you can't quite imagine what he would do if he found out you had been sleeping with one of the actors. you two have never shown even a sliver of interest in each other, except for the thoughts in your head, everything was strictly for work. it was a never-ending loop; exchanging ideas for stunts, sending them into jeff, filming them, and repeat.

although you weren't commonly on set, today you happened to be there since you wanted to see how a stunt had turned out although you did not come up with this one. dave had yet to be credited with it since there was nothing to turn in for that week, and dave did what he normally did, faxing you over a few ideas for you to use. you felt horribly guilty doing it however dave promised you he didn't mind at all, and you can't really afford to lose your job quite yet.

the set was fairly empty besides the film crew, ehren, preston, stephen and dave. the air was sticky and hot, summer was at its peak. the guys were doing some stunts involving water so a lot of them were shirtless, as you would expect. it didn’t bother you, however your eyes kept getting drawn to dave. you hated it. you weren’t a creep, you never were a pervert and you weren’t gonna start living a pervert lifestyle today by wooing over dave, even worst, while at work.

deciding to end your staring session, you walked over to dave to break the awkwardness that was only in your head. “hey dave, is it going as planned?” you motioned over to ehren who was being wheeled down a ramp into a length. “not sure, i think there trying to find the best chair to push him down on.” he looked up from the lawn chair he was sitting in, squinting at the sunlight.

you felt your heart flutter, his eyes were such a piercing shade of blue the only way to describe them was alluring. “are you ok y/n? you’ve seemed kinda off ever since yesterday on the phone.” all the air you were holding in was released in one big quiet breath. you tried to block out the phone call. dave called, like the usual, to discuss a stunt he had in mind. the whole call your mind was in other places, something that you tried to forget due to embarrassment. you ended up missing everything he said, after twenty-minutes of him describing this extravagant stunt all you could say was ‘uhm’ before hanging up.

“yea no im fine, somebody else was just calling me. it was an emergency so…” you sucked at lying. dave saw right through it laughing, “alright, cool.”

this is horrible your whole demeanor was probably making him extremely uncomfortable but you couldn’t help it. attraction is a infection and you couldn’t get rid of it for the life of you.

“not sure if your interested but i have a break in ten minutes, wanna go brainstorm ideas for stunts.” you forced your gaze down towards him, giving a small nod, “sounds good.”

your not sure what the fuck just happened. anyone would’ve seen that as a normal conversation, but with the pairing of dave being shirtless and soaked from the lake, your pretty sure everything was obvious. like everyone had a red alert going off that you wanted to fuck dave england, bad.

you got to your truck for some fresh air, fresh air as in an edible. seated in your car, you scurried through the center console digging out a baggie filled with pills. not edibles but it will do. it was either xanax or something stephen left, you took a lucky guess that it was xanax due to the shape and took a bar.

you dry swallowed it, trying your best to catch your breath yet there was nothing to lose it over. you found yourself still being hot and bothered over nothing, well, of course it was something but you couldn’t bring yourself to accept it.

leaning your head back and closing your eyes you tried your best to collect your thoughts. it was going well, that was until there was a knock on the drivers side window. you huffed while tilting your head to see who could possibly be bothering you. it was dave, peeking through the window and waving at you. you weren’t quite sure what he was trying to do, so you just smiled.

he ran around to the passenger side door, opening it and hopping in closing it behind him. “i left a little early for the break so i figured i should go looking for you.” he flashed his cheesy smile at you, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “i didn’t know you wanted to talk somewhere else, let alone in my car.”

“actually it’s not about stunts. somethings bugging you, does jeff know i’m helping you with stunts or some shit?” he kept eye contact with you, you could tell he was genuinely concerned and it was making you even more nervous. how the hell can you lie your way out of this?

“just stressed out with work.” you tried to look away, instead you tried to scan the dash for anything that could distract you from doing something you could regret later.

“y/n you are a horrible fucking liar.” he let out loud laugh, if your face wasn’t heating up with embarrassment you probably would have laughed along. despite the embarrassment you took your eyes off the dash for a bit to glance over at him, a beaming smile still lit on his face.

“well it’s not like i could’ve made a move at the bar and it’s too late now.” it all came up at once, you couldn’t even look at the dash, so you just looked out your window. maybe if you stared away long enough he would leave.

“of course you could of! you think i wasn’t wanting too the whole time? you really really suck at lying.” a wave of shock hit you, dubbed with confidence as well. your not sure where it all from but you looked at dave who had a small smile rested on his face. you took time to build up your vocabulary again as it feels as if your brain is mush, completely wiped with no thoughts or words. “you know, i get really bad at lying when i wanna kiss someone really bad.” you laughed at the end of your sentence, letting the silence ring out.

“really?” you gave him a small nodd, your heart beating so fast you swear you could hear it in your ears. you rested your elbow on the center console leaning forward slightly, you were trying to tell if he was feeling the same as you, or if he was ready to jump out of the car and run very far away from you.

“y/n, if you joking this would be a great time to let me know.” his words were breathy and spaced out, “dave, im not joking.” it felt like and entirety before you finally responded.

the events to follow were only to be described like a whirlwind. your lips met together, leaning between the two seats to do so. moving in a steady rhythm pulling apart for breath, you made eye contact once again, him being the once yo shoot yiu a shy smile this time.

you awakwadly hopped over the console to the passenger side were dave sat, yiu looked at him giving a slight nod to make sure that this all wasn’t too much. that none of it was a mistake or something yiu would regret for the rest of your life. he didn’t even have to respond, the smile and small mld he gave you was all you needed for the go.

he pulled you into his lap, it wasn’t the most comfortable due to the confined space of your car but at the moment all you cared about was dave. your lips continued to mold into eachother, hands slowly roaming as you both still warmed up to the feeling.

with what fell like seconds you both pulled back to gasp for short breaths of air. he kissed you once more before making his way down to your neck and shoulders nipping and sucking ever so slightly. almost too embarrassed to moan you let out small breathy sighs. the overwhelming feeling of relief yet tension building. he broke away for a few seconds just to move the strap of your tank top and bra to the side.

as dave was pulling your top down, a knock was heard from the window and panic settled in quickly. your heart was beating faster for a bad reason now, too afraid to look you rushed over the console hitting your head in the process, returning to your seat. looking over you could see it was only chris, who was waving with a smile on his face.

“what the fuck…” you let out a mixture between a sigh and a laugh while rolling down the window closest to dave.

“as bunny the lifeguard would say, wrap before you tap my friend.” chris reached his hand through the window to give dave a high five before giggling and walking away. you both laughed, although daves was more of a sigh.

“maybe my next break we could resume what we started.” before leaving he reached over pulling your bra strap back up before exiting the car.

[alluringjae]

au cours de l’été - jjh

⤑ translation: over the summer

⤑ summary: this is a story of an exhausted painter who needed a breather from the hectic city life. so aside from moving to the countryside, the needed air in your lungs also came in the form of a person. this summer meant for pure relaxation, perhaps your heart may dive into him too.

⤑ pairing: jaehyun x female reader

⤑ word count: 15.2k (so much for saying that i’ll be writing shorter stories)

⤑ genre: fluff, romance, smut | author!jaehyun, painter!reader, strangers to lovers!au, 50s-60s!au, summer love in france!au

⤑ warnings: me inserting some french phrases because I want to practice (feel free to correct me if I made mistakes, i’ll appreciate them), fictional interpretations of real-life people, explicit language, jaehyun being such a romantic pls im in tears, mentions and scenes of burnout (the worst)

⤑ playlist: everybody loves somebody by dean martin | c’est si bon by eartha kitt | it’s always you by chet baker | les yeux ouverts by emilie-claire barlow | a sunday kind of love by etta james | the most beautiful thing by bruno major | try again by jaehyun and d.ear (duh) | free love (dream edit) by honne | petite fleur by jill barber | plus je t’embrasse by blossom dearie | so this is love by ilene woods and mike douglas

⤑ author’s note: this was an idea that just came to me after pinterest kept recommending me poetic beauty/try again jaehyun, so here we are! i intended to write less than 5k words but sometimes plans don’t go as planned once you really invest in the story yet i’m really happy how this turned out!

the romantic exhilaration in my bones are off the charts because this is jaehyun we’re talking about lol enjoy!

⤑ masterlist

⤑ leave me some feedback, constructive criticism, or hellos!

3 juin 1957

The city life overstimulated your entire system, losing your brainpower and inspiration. Another exhibition that’ll feature your works with other influential painters was happening at the end of the year, and you had nothing prepared so far. You’ve crashed to the deep end of creative fatigue.

So you needed to get away again; somewhere quieter and surrounded by nature.

That’s why you ended up in the countryside down south, somewhere within Provence. It’s purely just for the summer, but extensions were okay as long you get back at least a month before the show. Filing that leave of absence at the studio you worked at was worth it.

You rented an apartment overlooking the marketplace, where the heart of the village was. After arranging things from your boxes and luggage the entire day, you found out that you lacked in the food department.  

So the succeeding day, the entire morning was spent on grocery shopping downstairs then stocking them inside your refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. Right after changing out of your pajamas into a flowy floral dress and sandals, you decided to bike to the bakery that locals suggested. A must-go place for newcomers, they all raved.

“Café des Étoiles Perdues.” (Café of Lost Stars.)

The clear chimes of the bell resounded through the small, cottage-like lobby as you entered inside. An old woman, whom you assumed was the owner, welcomed you openly.

“Oh la la, vous êtes belle! Vous vous appelez (Y/N), la nouvelle venue, n'est-ce pas?” (Oh la la, you’re beautiful. Your name is (Y/N), the newcomer, right?)

She complimented, making you shyly mutter your answer. Wiping off the flour from her apron, she introduced herself kindly.

“Je m’appelle Camille. Mes spécialités sont les macarons pisctaches et des croissants avec des amandes. Autre chose que tu aimes?” (I’m Camille. My specialties are the pistachio macarons and croissants with almonds. Is there anything else you like?)

“J'aime tout ce que vous suggères, Madame.” (I’d like anything that you suggest, Madame.)

A younger man, who went by Jaemin, was a part-timer barista who asked for your coffee order. As he directed you to the best seat of the café, which was outside overlooking the garden of blooming sunflowers, you pulled out your sketch pad so you could capture this dreamy view. It was nothing like you’ve ever seen in your life.

You’ve decided on a theme already for your exhibit thanks to your conversations with locals yesterday, which was related to freedom. After being chained to cities for so-called better living and financial standards, it’s actually how your inspiration to create squeezed the life out of you like a lemon. Although it was fun at first to see those tourist spots, it eventually got tiring.

Another matchstick to graze intensity through your bones was what you prayed for.

While you’re engaged in a rough sketch of the scenery, the dandy presence of a young man entered the café with his books. White shirt, red trousers with a matching beret, he sported freckles on his pale face. Despite visiting his favorite café numerously, Camille was overjoyed to see him and his serene smiles.

“Jaehyun! What brings you here?”

“Bonjour, Madame! I’m starving for your croissants because I ran out back home.”

“Not to worry! I’ll pack up some so you’re on your way.” She lightened him up like one of her kids, taking one of the bigger paper bags.

“No rush though, Madame. I’ll be reading and working here for a bit here.” Jaehyun affirmed, bringing it out his wallet and called out for Jaemin.

“Un café crème, s’il vous plait.” (One cup of cappuccino, please.)

Jaehyun’s usual chair was by the large window, overseeing the wide garden planted by the citizens of the village way before he was born. It was places like this he missed after moving to the city for his education and work’s sake. 

That’s the thing when you’re coming from a rich family; you don’t have much of say with what your parents order you to do. However, his recent request to stay in his childhood home (or mansion) again was fulfilled because he couldn’t search for what he needed in the cities anymore.

Jaehyun was a sucker for romance; an old romantic others would say. A lot of women mistook his kindness as flirting on many occasions, but ironically he just wasn’t looking for anyone yet. 

Starting as a novelist in the said genre based on real-life stories of people he met in Paris, Barcelona, London, and more, his stories were popular hits especially to young adults who aspire to find love one day.

However, traveling to the known places no longer felt fun as he got older. The stories he gathered were very similar, just in different languages. It took an enthusiastic dinner with his family, specifically his only older sister Krystal retelling fond stories from their younger years to get the idea of moving back for a bit. So consumed with the city life, he wanted to see things from another perspective.

What was the difference between a love story formed in the countryside than in the city?

It’s been a month since he arrived, but he didn’t hurry himself to do his research. He’s been reading books in his family library, revisiting monumental places, exploring around the village, and reconnecting with old friends as if he never left. 

Readjusting to his former life would make writing easier when he’s motivated enough to do it again. Besides, his books were profiting well enough to his taste; good enough for the next 10 years according to his personal accountant, Kim Jungwoo.

Jaehyun resumed reading this book his mother recommended him before he left. Entitled “Réessaye”, which was about a young man who reunites with his childhood sweetheart after his arranged marriage failed. After what she put her through, he’s hesitant whether to try again or let her go.

Jaehyun enjoyed reading books with realistic outlooks on love because he found them more meaningful, enlightening how exactly it makes you feel and do. Even if he enjoyed reading sappy, fairytale-like stories from time to time, he always returned to the real ones as they only displayed the truth.

That love isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, but something that can also break you especially if you go after the wrong person. This kind of mindset was how he toiled on his stories, which gained him a status outside of his unavoidable labels such as “the only striking son of the Jeong family” or “Valentine Boy”.

He diligently browsed through the climax, where the main male character confessed all his constrained emotions to his sweetheart. But it was until Jaemin pressed the bag of croissants in front of his face after placing down his childhood friend’s drink to disturb his peace.

“Reading again?” He taunted, snatching his book away and throwing the bag on Jaehyun’s lap. “When are you writing that book already? Everyone is practically dying for you to release something new again!”

Jaehyun flatly shook his head, drinking his coffee quietly. It’s not the first time anyone asked (or pressured) him about his next release, and it’s the last thing he wanted to think about. “Not in the mood right now, Jaemin. Now off to work before Madame Camille scolds you again.”

“You’re just stalling because you have nothing to write, don’t you?” Jaemin cunningly expressed, raising a brow. He’s known to catch onto the people’s bs easily; the last person you’d want to say your secrets too and Jaehyun realized too late. Though lucky for him, Jaemin shut the topic down right away so he wouldn’t pop a vein.

“Sais-tu de la nouvelle venue dans le village, d'ailleurs?” (Do you know about the newcomer in the village, by the way?)

“Une nouvelle venue?” (A newcomer?)

Being stuck at his mansion recently, news about village affairs were now late to him. Jaemin’s finger discreetly pointed outside the window, pertaining to a young woman sat outside painting her view in front of her.

That would be you, shading all the flowers in bright colors.

Seeing a new face amazed Jaehyun, especially when she was almost someone right out of a book. In a neat bun with white daisies printed in her dress, she crossed her legs whilst continuing her movements. She bit her lower lip, frustrated over an accidental smudge she made and trying to fix it by blending it with another color. When she accomplished it, she swapped brushes. A thinner one, to outline the shapes of the flower. Her lips curved to a smile after finishing another one perfectly with the rest.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaemin snapped his fingers to his distracted friend, zoning out the window. Still something he hasn’t stop doing, he pondered. With a final snap, Jaehyun broke away from falling hard from his abstract. Jaemin calculated the problem so quickly, analyzing his friend breezily like his medical school requirements.

“Elle est splendide, n'est-ce pas?” (She’s gorgeous, right?)

“Elle ressemble à une personne décente.” (She looks like a decent person.)

Jaehyun pushed it aside, flipping back to the page where he stopped reading. Before Jaemin responded, the door chimed open again to alarm him that a new customer came in. He excused himself to his friend, warning him that this wasn’t the last time he’ll talk about the newcomer too.

Jaehyun nodded along, not taking his friend’s cheeky words so seriously. However, the final result you attempted to create tickled his curiosity, so he slyly peeked from his book to the window.

You’ve freed your hair down, victorious to have started your collection this early in your break. A fantastic start, you let the paint dry first and munch on the croissant that served as your reward. However, you ‘re quick to notice a manly figure glancing through the window. From the side, his brown eyes appeared lively even if his entire face was hidden by the book.

Réessaye by Mark Lee; he must be a romantic. Every person in your studio read it, excluding yourself. Painfully beautiful, they’d summarize it.

Daring to meet more people, you locked eye contact with him. He didn’t expect it, almost flipping from his chair. Bashfully, you waved him a hello to somewhat break the ice. However, it broke his composure, and suddenly, he scurried off with his things from the café.

Now, you got quite worried. You checked your tiny mirror if he saw anything unpleasant with you, but you’d say you look relatively fine. Oh, maybe you could redeem yourself the next time you saw him. After bidding goodbye to Camille and Jaemin, the latter chased after you when you prepared yourself on your bike.

“By any chance, did you say hi to a guy with brown eyes and a red beret?”

“Well, more like I waved at him, then he zoomed out. Did I do something wrong?” You questioned with concern, putting your hands on the handles.

“That’s my friend, who’s quite reserved with strangers. I’m sorry on his behalf.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” You brushed it off politely. “See you again soon, Jaemin!”

Peddling away, letting the cool breeze fan you, your mind reverted its thoughts to that strange man. Maybe you’ll give it some time; you had a lot of it.

“Shucks, he was pretty cute.”

12 juin 1957

The world must really be on your side with these good decisions because you crossed paths with the strange man again in the café a week later. But instead of running away, he asked nicely if he could sit across your free chair in front of your table outside. It was a Saturday, and the place was packed.

“Joignez-moi, s’il vous plait.” (Join me, please.)

You insisted, giving yourself time to subtly observe his physique a lot more. Freckles dotted under his eyes like a constellation, bushy eyebrows, pink cheeks to match his pale complexion, and wearing a fuzzy knit sweater that meshed well with his green beret. He had some sort of necklace too; there was a heart pendant.

“Vous êtes une artiste.” (You’re an artist.) The small wooden palette of paint beside your small sketch pad was exposed, finding it as a great icebreaker.

“Une peintre, spécifiquement. Franchement, les visuels ici sont trés captivants qu'à Paris.” (A painter, to be specific. Frankly, the visuals here are more captivating than in Paris.)

“Je suis d’accord,” (I agree,) Jaehyun leaned against his chair, taking a better look at you with the remaining light from the descending sun.

“Oh, vous êtes comme moi. J’habite à Paris aussi.” (Oh, you’re like me. I live in Paris too.)

“Bon, je suis née à Londres. Puis, j’ai déménagé où je voulais en Europe depuis j'avais 18 ans. Mais oui, j’habite définitivement à Paris maintenant.” (Well, I was born in London then moved wherever I wanted in Europe for inspiration since I was 18. But yes, I live permanently in Paris now.)

You clarified, beginning to enjoy his comforting company. Initiating conversations with people you’re not acquainted with wasn’t in your range of skills, though he didn’t have an intimidating vibe. He looked too youthful to act like that.

“Je m’appelle (Y/N), d'ailleurs.” (I’m (Y/N), by the way.) You stuck out your hand as a sign of respect, which he enthusiastically obliged.

“Salut, (Y/N). Je m’appelle Jaehyun.” [Hi, (Y/N). I’m Jaehyun.]

He kissed it in a gentleman fashion, applying the manners he’s been taught since he was a child. Should you have been flustered, but no.  It’s been a long time since anyone greeted you like that, specifically back home.

Throughout your talk, you learned more about who he was, his job, and what his life in the countryside is like. He was an author of romance novels, yet you’ve never heard about him prior. Heavily prioritizing your work, you don’t keep up with the new releases or trends at all. Though after mentioning his last name, it piqued your interest.

“Jeong? As in the business, Jeong Tea Inc.?”

“Correct.”

His family was one of the most affluent families in Parisian society. Old money immigrants from South Korea, they brought their tea business to France and it boomed successfully. You’re quite sure you’ve seen his parents in past exhibits, but never did you approach them because you were a rookie then. But he reassured you that it was fine, and to just treat him like you’d treat your friends. Plus, it came to your knowledge that he was the same age as you too.

He opened up how this village was where he lived his childhood, so he asked his parents if he could hand over their mansion for a while for rest. It then shocked both of you at how identical your reasons were for staying in the countryside.

“I’m burnt out from the city, so I’m trying to regain my spirit here hopefully. Besides, I needed a change of scenery after living there for 3 years. My longest stay yet outside of London!”

“I need new ideas for my books. The cities don’t charm me anymore, so I returned here for peace and quiet. Maybe let these ideas come to me rather than me going after them.”

From a bigger lens, people would conclude your interaction as a sight of two artists who passionately talk about their art. But to you, you’d interpret it as two relaxed, young adults in their twenties who simply wanted to run away from the pressures of their art and enjoy the summer as every young adult should.

Not cooped up in the studio or office, but innocently waltzing around with your youth while it’s still there.

début de juillet 1957

“Dépêche-toi, (Y/N)!” [Hurry up, (Y/N)!]

Jaehyun yelled at your open balcony from downstairs, parking his mini car beside your bike. He planned on taking you somewhere a little farther this time; to absolutely feel like one of the locals.

The countryside urged you to wear more dresses and flat shoes, so you took out a turquoise dress with a white scarf to wrap on top of your head. Like your relaxed fit, your mindset too was calm. Upon meeting him, he wore his round spectacles with a red knit sweater over a white turtleneck long-sleeved top. His fingers were adorned with silver rings, then around his neck was a thin black ribbon. He curled some of his hair again, a style you really liked of his.

You can’t lie, but this man could pull any trend or style and still look extra pretty.

Out of all the locals you’ve befriended in your stay, Jaehyun was always your companion. He took you to varying places that those locals don’t visit nor tourists acknowledge in their reviews for the past few weeks. For someone who hasn’t been in the village for a long time, his memory didn’t disappoint. His childhood was only filled with cheerful moments.

Today, he was taking you to a peaceful district of shops in the farther part of the village. It’s where he’d buy sweets, journals, and accessories with his mother, Krystal, and one of his housemaids every other weekend.

All the stores there were currently bombarded with blooming flowers along their alley, bringing more enticement to those who were roaming around. There was so much life here; the head waiter of one restaurant smiling at every passing customer, one florist handing a free flower to anyone who asks, and a young lady showcasing her jewelry collection to a bunch of women who looked like tourists.

“Cette librairie vendent des livres enveloppés dans du papier. Ma mère m'a offerte l'un d'eux pour mon anniversaire tous les ans comme une surprise.” (This bookstore sells books wrapped in paper. My mother gifted me one of them on my birthday every year as a surprise.)

He trained his attention at a rustic shop with open wooden windows giving a glimpse of their shelves.

“Avez-vous fini les lisant?” (Have you finished reading them?)

“Du début à la fin.” (From cover to cover.)

He took you to this rooftop restaurant overlooking the entire plaza. Since he didn’t arrange a reservation yet didn’t get rejected, he must know the owner. Especially how a lot of the staff gave casual hellos and high fives.

Speaking of the owner, he walked out of his kitchen to introduce himself to you. He went by the name Moon Taeil, another one of Jaehyun’s childhood friends whom he used to play at his house whenever his parents came along.

Gobbling up in the appetizing food Taeil prepared beforehand, Jaehyun brought up your painting exhibition again. He loved hearing artists talk about their works, wanting to know more about their driven mindset and what their imagination is like. After all, it does vary for everyone.

“So far,” You poked your fork through the chicken, taking a bite of it. “I’ve produced 3 paintings. The garden of flowers outside Café des Étoiles Perdues, the kids playing hopscotch in the alley, and the peach tree outside your house.”

“Woah, you’re on a roll.” Jaehyun clapped across you, pouring you another glass of water. He recalled the nights you ranted not having any clue what to do for the exhibit. Then after taking you to more places, he’s rewarded to see you be creatively active again. “How many artworks do you left to make?”

“Around 3-4 left. I have ideas already, but I’m still brainstorming.” You internally rejoiced, loving how much progress you’ve made. “How about you, Jaehyun? How’s your progress?”

Unlike you, Jaehyun still felt stuck. Although he did find couples around the village, none of them intrigued him as much as his past stories. But he won’t give up easily; that’s not in his work ethic.

“Still searching, but I’ll get there.”

Recently, you got ahold of some of Jaehyun’s books from him personally since they weren’t sold in the village. You wanted to understand how he became so well known outside the labels people put him under. Reading his first novel entitled “Des Papillons” (Butterflies), it was about a couple separated during World War II without contact or knowledge about their well-being. Yet whenever they saw butterflies on the day they parted, they took it as a sign that the other was alive wherever they were.

You’re always hanging on the cliff when the scenes revert back and forth to the main male lead getting stuck in intense war scenarios, rooting for him to get out alive each time. In the end, it took 7 years before they were reunited and wed.

Jaehyun had a wonderful way with his words and descriptions, managing to enwrap you in as if you’re also a character in the book. Like how you rooted for that male lead, you’re rooting for him to find his spark again.

Following this uplifting conversation, Jaehyun finally took to your greatly anticipated spot. It was the main viewpoint of Gordes, one of the most beautiful hilltop villages in the country. The sunset was about to hit, and the lights from the city across you slowly turned on like a bunch of dominos.

As you marveled at its aesthetics, Jaehyun leaned against the hood of his car. He sensed how in awe you were, more than you ever were in the city he assumed. So used to the city that being surrounded with nature became foreign to you.

He took out his polaroid camera from his trunk and captured a photo of you from behind. The shutter sounds were obvious, turning your back at the commotion. Jaehyun fanned the freshly printed photo to dry, giving a mischievous smile.

“What can I say? While you’re fawning over the view, mine was more enamoring.”

Although Jaehyun felt overwhelmed the first time he locked eyes with you, he can’t resist the power of his developing feelings for you. The more time he took you around, the more his heart found different details about you to admire. After listening to all those love stories in the past, the people he spoke to shared how there will be some distinct moment where your heart decides who they’re longing for.

That exact view of you by the cliff, he already knew.

He’s infatuated by you.

“Tu es très ringard, Jaehyun.” (You’re so cheesy, Jaehyun.) You scoffed sassily, with a hand on your waist.

“Un gentleman ne ment jamais, (Y/N). Allez, il fait nuit maintenant.” [A gentleman never lies, (Y/N). Come on, it’s night already.]

He cleverly responded, grabbing his car keys from his pocket. The trip back to the village was energizing, putting down the roof of his car to relish the chill breeze of the night weather. You even raised your arms in the air, losing your scarf even from the speed Jaehyun went at!

The two of you belted along to the songs on the radio when the fields were the only ones surrounding you, no neighbors to shout at your rambunctiousness.

The late-night hours drew by so quickly almost like dinner with more of Jaehyun’s friends didn’t happen. Arriving at the front doors of your apartment complex, Jaehyun raced over to your side to open your door. Always maintained proper observation of manners, you appreciated that side of him. Rarely anyone in Paris that you’ve encountered treated you that way because you were a foreigner.

“Bonsoir, (Y/N).” [Goodnight, (Y/N).]

“Bonsoir, Jaehyun. Quand est-ce que je te revois?” (Goodnight, Jaehyun. When can I see you again?)

“Demain et après-demain. Appelle-moi quand tu es libre.” (Tomorrow, and the day after that. Just give me a call when you’re free.)

With a short wave, you entered your building and marched up to the stairs. A good day only meant being tired to the core, ready to crash and fall in your soft bed. Opening your wide windows to let more of the cool breeze in, your eyes easily caught Jaehyun’s classy car still there. As for the owner, he didn’t move an inch from his leaning position.

“Rentre à la maison, Jaehyun! C’est tard!” (Go home, Jaehyun! It’s late!) You shrieked, peeking side to side to make sure none of the neighbors scold you.

Jaehyun laughed wholeheartedly, not budging at all. “La nuit ne fait que commencer, ma chérie.” (The night has just begun, my darling.)

“Comment tu m'as appelé?” (What did you call me?)

Either your ears were fooling you or he addressed you by a divine pet name. The gasp you swallowed, as your entire body tingled with exhilaration. Your mind would simply disregard it like his former teasing words, but your heart begged to differ.

Rather than responding with words, Jaehyun’s voice serenaded you with a wondrous song, C’est Si Bon by Eartha Kitt, that played on the radio earlier. Out of the blue, a random guitar accompaniment followed his baritone vocals.

“En voyant notre mine ravie,”

Against the railing of your wired balcony, your body shifted forward to watch him better.

“Les passants dans la rue, nous envient,”

Your hand perched on your cheek, admiring his talent.

“C'est si bon de guetter dans ses yeux,”

It was like a lullaby, and here you were drowning in its peacefulness. Sensing the passion he gives off in his singing, your heart couldn’t refrain the strings inside from being swayed and tugged.

This was your moment of realization: that you too were smitten.

“Un espoir merveilleux, qui donne le frisson…”

À la mi-juillet de 1957

“Hello, nature!” You greeted brightly as your legs raced the huge garden in his manor. It was the first time he invited you over, too lazy to go out of the city. His social battery needed a recharge for the weekend, so a picnic within his home would do the trick. Additionally, it was an excuse to bring you over after the numerous times you’ve begged him to.

Jaehyun merely shook his head, enjoying the rush of childlike fun in your veins while you squealed and grazed your hands through the flowers.

He carried a wooden basket full of treats his family maids cooked, taking his time to venture through the rows of flowers. They were growing healthily and phenomenally these days, sometimes riding his bike to personally water them since he became busy with writing again. Lately, he found inspiration again, and so he wrote day and night to set them free.

“Voila!” You yanked out a sunflower, sniffing it a little. “Come on, Jaehyun! Pick up a few for our lunch!”

He followed your order, picking out some he found ideal. But just for fun, he put down the basket and carried you from behind out of the blue. You tried kicking him away, but his muscular arms can’t compete with your soft ones.

“What are you doing?”

“You said to pick up a flower, so I did. The prettiest of them all.”

His flirtatious words were never serious, yet you took it as a compliment. That’s how high your confidence is. Only we define our own worth, not others. The two of you chatted more about your lives until the first rain of the season poured down, chilling down from the raging heat. None of you had an umbrella; the weather was too unpredictable.

Deciding to just run for it, he gave you the wooden basket to protect yourself whilst he used the blanket you’ve sat on. Running with laughter to return to his mansion in the muddy dirt, the cool drops shivered your figure yet felt fantastic.

If you were in the city, you’d panic because it’d mess your appearance and your boss would be infuriated by your unprofessionalism. But in the countryside, it didn’t matter at all. The condition of the rain wasn’t budging to improve, getting stronger by the minute. His entire house even lost power, his housemaids having to bring candles to his bedroom and your assigned one once night dawned.

It was hopeless to return home for you, plus it’s dangerous to drive in in the dark, narrow streets too. Jaehyun handed you some of his fresh clothes so you’d be free from flinching from cold dress sticking to your body.

“Get dressed and some sleep, (Y/N).”

Nodding, you excused yourself to find the bathroom. You’d assume it’d be easy, but this was your first time in his house; a mansion even. Doors from left to right, long corridors that seemed never-ending, no maids were within the vicinity whom you can ask for guidance.

Resorting to return to Jaehyun’s chamber for help, you were taken aback by what your eyes laid on. In front of his full mirror, he discarded his now-dried shirt. Even with the dim lighting, you could make out that he was fit by the transparent view of his abdomen. Peeping like this was wrong, yet you couldn’t turn away just yet. The heat in your cheeks was inevitable, finding composure in such an unholy sight.

Though a gear in you suddenly twisted; a gear that straightened your nerves. You’re taking a bold move on the chessboard of your feelings. Wholly opening his bedroom door again, you leisurely sauntered inside without warning.

“Oh, (Y/N)! Ne peux pas trouver la salle de bain?” (Oh, (Y/N)! Can’t find the bathroom?)

Unbothered as he stood shirtless, you on the other hand silently dropped his clothes on the floor. Holding intense eye contact, your fingers graciously unzipped the side of your dress. Inch by inch, the tension built up like the strong tiny flames lit on the candles around you two. Joining the pile of clothes, all that remained were your white lace undergarments. Unplanned for the get-go, it’s the ideal set for your earlier outfit at the picnic.

“Je me suis perdue, mais je pense avoir trouvé quelque chose de mieux.” (I got lost, but I think I found something better.)

Your fingers grazed your arm up to your collarbones, faking your naivety. From your lust-filled stare, the glint in Jaehyun’s eyes darkened. He gulped at the revealing sight of you, brushing his hair back to restrain himself.

None of you could utter a single word, only the vivacious rain being the only sounds ringing around you. Thus, you allowed your actions to pursue precisely what you desired to do.

Taking baby steps towards him to test the waters, he met you right in the center and closed the leftover space. His hands cradled your face, whilst yours clung to his chest. His lips tasted like red wine, watching him pour in a glass for himself earlier. He did offer, yet you declined.

Your tongue darted his lower lip, gaining access after. Sensing the edge of his bed, you plopped yourself down the cushion. His knee urged your legs to widen, letting his body slide in. From your face, his fingers lowered to the back of your bra, snapping the clasps open.

“It takes skill to accomplish that in one try, Jaehyun.”

“I lived in Paris too, ma chérie. You out of all people would understand and have the experience.”

His palms massaged your freed breasts, throwing your head back even more to his pillows as his lips ravaged down from your stomach until the fabric of your not-so pure panties.

“Call me that again, please.”

“Ma chérie, seras-tu mienne?” (My darling, will you be mine?) He kissed and licked the tiny ribbon in front repeatedly, where your now-swollen clit laid. It electrified your bones, pulling on to his ruffled hair.

“Tu peux m'avoir.” (You can have me.)

Sex in the form of one-night stands were all you’ve invested; upcoming artists like you weren’t capable to maintain long-term relationships. Les plans à trois even if you’re extra freaky or drunk from the afterparties of your events. All that these occurrences had in common were not seeing those men ever again after sneaking out of their apartments in the morning.

This time, it’s different.

When they said that doing the deed with someone you’re romantically entangled with was more special, they didn’t bluff. You could plan bits of your life, but it can sometimes change aspects of it when you least expect it. Sometimes for the best or the worst, but right now, it went beyond your expectations.

It’s rewarding that the man you’ve slowly fallen for within your stay returned your affections.

Around late 3 am that night, your brain jolted with artistic ideas that awoken your sonorous rest. There are no hopes of sleeping them off because they tend to bother you for hours until you do something about it. But you’re already so cozy having Jaehyun’s arms around you, skin to skin under the duvet. His lips daunted right above your forehead, recalling his endless kisses there that helped you fall asleep.

Well, these ideas don’t work themselves unless you do. Untangling him tactfully, you stepped out of the blanket and wore one of his long white shirts he gave you earlier before pulling out your sketchpad and palette of oil paints.

Luckily, there was still one available candle to use as the rest have melted indefinitely. You slid the matchstick again to the sand surface, boring a flame from the friction which you placed on top of the wick.

All your ideas that night leaned towards one thing, or person rather: Jaehyun.

You spent a few minutes retracing how he vividly looked at the picnic, leaning back from the chair of his work desk. His outfit of a turquoise turtleneck underneath a white button-top with trousers matching the said turtleneck looked good together, how his ears tingled red after you complimented his newfound inspiration for his book, and the prominent veins in his arms when he rolled his sleeves due to the heat.

The thin brush you held defined the shape of his face, then paying attention to the messy strands of his hair. Stroking in a circular way to outline his eyelids, a hoarse grunt disturbed the peaceful silence.

“Get back in bed, ma chérie.” His eyes drowsily opened, lying on his side. The moment he no longer felt your warmth, he worried something happened. Instead, you’re working late at night after quite a rough yet romantic night.

“Shush,” You shunned him down with your index finger. “Give me a few more minutes.”

“Perhaps, are you painting me?” He hunched from the covers. “Your eyes looking back and forth would never lie to me, would they?”

“Maybe…” You teased, batting your eyes at him without any risky intentions. Or not?

He deeply chuckled, sluggishly removing himself under the covers. In his pure nudity, he advanced himself towards you. You shrieked, covering yourself with your free hand.

“Jaehyun, stay back! I told you I’ll be there soon!”

Not listening, he carried your bridal style, making you drop your precious palette to the fur rug. Laying you carefully, he popped each button open. By the sight of his cock hardening again, you knew you were in for another round with him.

“Wet again, ma chérie? Oh, this will be fun.”

Fin de juillet 1957

So this kind of summer romance concept that everyone fantasized about… it became your present.

Together you’d stroll in the smaller streets and immerse yourselves in the unique culture of the village. Whenever anyone saw you together, holding hands, biking, or what-not, they’d praise in the name of love for bringing you both together. A romance like yours in the countryside was a lively sight.

Remember how extensions were a possibility if your search for inspiration wasn’t found? Well, it’s not a question that you’d make one, except inspiration found you instead. And he had one arm around you as he slow danced with you in the open grounds of the village, listening to the live band covering song classics.

In particular, Chet Baker. He was Jaehyun’s favorite artist at the moment.

There was an ongoing week-long festival dedicated to summer, giving more plants their bloom and spreading gratitude to the hardworking people. Especially the students, off on their break.

The faint radiance from the post lights as Jaehyun swayed you around, making you laugh as he tried to mumble the lyrics of the song. All those glasses of wine he tried earlier with you from the bartender offering it for free had its effects, and you weren’t off the hook from them either.

Blisters started to form from your ankles, adjusting to the new pair of heels Jaehyun gave (or insisted to buy) you a while ago after staring at them like lasers. You’ve always provided things for yourself that being spoiled by someone else felt weird to you.

“If there’s anything you want me to buy for you, just tell me.”

“How can I buy you if you’re already mine?”

His smooth talk often made you punch his shoulder, but it’s just a mechanism to hide the exhilaration.

Under each other’s spells in your dance, you laid your head on Jaehyun’s chest. Feeling the strong beat of his heart, you were reminded of how much life he’s filled with. And you became a part of it, in the same way he crossed yours.

Jaehyun’s lips sank to the top of your head, pecking it affectionately. The first-ever summer where he wasn’t stuck at his desk working or drinking his life away with his rich friends in their Parisian homes, it couldn’t get better than this.

“Oiii! Flirtez ailleurs!” (Oiii! Flirt somewhere else!) The distinct voice of Jaemin, handing out pastries to passersby, shouted at the both of you, making you flip your middle finger at him.

“Trouve une copine d’abord, d’accord?!” (Find a girlfriend first, alright?!) You shouted back jokingly, almost falling due to the ache of your feet. Your immodest behavior was censored by Jaehyun’s large palms, not wanting the kids around to see it. Whispering closely to your ear,

“Tu es ivre. Laisse-moi te ramener chez toi.” (You’re drunk. Let me take you home.)

You changed back into your sandals as Jaehyun led you through the different alleys. Your vision was too hazy to navigate, so he had one arm wrapped around your shoulders. The weather grew cold too, shivering your bones so he draped you in his blazer.

“Wait,” You stopped, making him do the same. But before he could ask for your reason, your hands yanked him by his suspenders and your legs walked backward to reach the brick wall. Standing in his 5’11 glory, you were overpowered.

Yet your lips captured his effortlessly, raising to your toes to press yourself closer to him. He moved fast, one arm hugging your waist while the other hoisted your leg up. Tangling around his waist, the urge to move your hips against his crotch couldn’t be contained any longer.

Everyone was probably still out at this time or sleeping. The sloppy sounds you’ve produced were beyond suitable for any audience. Not to mention, the nasty words Jaehyun’s pretty mouth spoke in your ears desired you to fall to your knees.

“Not afraid of getting caught, ma chérie? You want me to ruin you right here, right now?”

“God, Jaehyun,” Your hands tugged his belt forward, the friction it gave to your core twitched the naughty side out of you. “Do it, please.”

The idea of public sex thrilled your mind into overdrive, yet you’ve never done it. In Paris, a city where several people started to know your name, you didn’t need a scandal to be plastered in your resume yet.

Jaehyun himself included, and still opted not to give it to you.

“Another time, ma chérie. Your apartment, now.”

The moment you unlocked your apartment door, Jaehyun was far from gentle like in the mansion. Ripping you out of your frilly dress didn’t take long, so was unbuttoning his trousers down to the floor.

On your knees, his hand gave you a makeshift ponytail as your tongue flicked the slit of his cock. Then slowly taking him inch by inch on your mouth, you’d let out a loud pop when you needed to breathe. Your hands fondling his balls, he groaned from the edge of your bed and tightened his hold on you. Tears formulated in your eyes as you got to swallow him whole, uncontrollably bobbing your head.

He felt like putty when he released, your throat taking the salty base. You hastily unhooked your bra in front of him when suddenly, his hand flicked on the fabric of your panties, cueing you to stop your motion.

“Keep them on when you ride me.”

Straddling on his lap, his head laid against the headboard of his bed. His arms roaming around your back to stabilize you, your fingers pushed your panties to the side as you pushed yourself down his protected length. Your moans became shaky. Up and down, you bounced while bracing on his shoulders.

Against his ear, your moans were harmonious. His hips moved against your beat, hitting your g-spot like the sexual ace he is. His thumb rubbing your clit, you shuttered your eyes at the impending high approaching you like a bus.

“I’m close.” You choked out, the overstimulation overwhelming your nerves.

“Fuck, me too.” He grunted, slapping your butt that made you shriek.

Soon enough, everything hit you both all at once. The knot snapped, and so did your body falling on his chest after a single scream. Panting, Jaehyun pecked on your temple as his cock softened up. Once you returned to your senses, you lifted yourself from his length, laying bare beside him.

His eyes started to fall, but before they did, he muttered huskily. “Je t’aime, (Y/N).”

It was the first time he’s said those words in the way they meant, and he’s more than certain that it’s what he felt with you. Sure, it started as mutual infatuation, but now, it can’t leave. Not on his watch.

Love was a concept unfamiliar to you, but Jaehyun slowly taught you what it was and how it felt like. Books and films may give sneak peeks, but to personally give and receive it back was made possible by him.

From this moment on, you could conclude that yes, you reciprocated it.

“Je t’aime aussi, Jaehyun.”

16 octobre 1957

Autumn made its way to the countryside.

The leaves switched into red-brown shades, the weather in the south was warmer, and the wine harvest was highly anticipated. Jaehyun’s camera was a common item in your outings, taking as many photos as he could so the two of you had something to look back on.

Planned and candid, his range was wide. These were moments that proved that your youth was as happy as you wished it to be. You wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

Painting in his mansion was a regular thing, having new canvases prepared at his patio. There were so many items that amused you there like you could base your entire collection on his home. It’s not like Jaehyun could argue; it meant more time with you whenever you came over.

“Jaehyun, if you smudge paint on me, so help me Go-” He refused to listen to your “threats”, smearing black paint on your cheek.

“You were saying?” He cockily pestered, showcasing his paint-filled fingers. You dipped one of your brushes into the new paint and chased after him without hesitation. The entire evening became a paint war, a laugh fit even after seeing your reflections in the mirror. But before you could clean yourself, Jaehyun’s camera was by your face and he pressed the button.

“Still breathtaking.”

But the middle of the season arrived, that’s where your planned extension you’ve reached its end. The exhibit was next month, getting calls from your boss regarding your return and the paintings you’ll present. You informed her that you already had them mailed to your studio way back, so there’s nothing much to worry about.

All your bags were packed in the private car Jaehyun rented. Here, you’re bidding your goodbyes to every friend you’ve made outside the doors of your apartment complex, saving your last words with Jaehyun.

The night before, he stayed over and helped you pack your last items in luggage bags. He even brought extra clothes for you so you wouldn’t work extra. You’ve talked it out the whole evening through what happens next to ease your worries. In your bed, he opened the wide windows and pulled you under the sheets.

“Write to me.”

“Call me when you’re free, or whenever you feel like it.”

Leaning against the railing of the stairs, watched the sorrow in your face over this parting. He sensed how bittersweet everything was, but he wouldn’t change anything about it. He’s positive that your story won’t end here, not right now.

Sauntering to him, you sighed whilst taking your bag he held the whole time from him. His touch was tighter as the two of you hugged tenderly, nuzzling his head on your shoulder. The scent of his citrus cologne that implanted in your brain felt comforting, despite the uncertainty of everything between you.

You hinted a minty taste from the menthol candies from his home as his lips brushed yours, colliding it timely. He waited when everyone left, relishing these last seconds.

Stepping inside the vehicle, you waved your summer love farewell one more time before the driver hit the pedal. Your eyes couldn’t stray away from looking back, the distance between him and your former apartment widening. Only when he was no longer in the frame, you shifted your focus back in front.

Your fingers fiddled with the charm bracelet he gifted you from the market. It was custom-made by a jeweler who was great friends with his mother in his younger years. There were two pendants chained on it: a paintbrush and the sun.

“A paintbrush to remind you of your passion, and the sun to remind you of the summer we first met.”

The man was like one of his romance books, in human form. He knew how to catch your breath effortlessly.

Your stay, for now, may have concluded, but there was always next summer. And the ones after that. The village felt like a second home, one you can’t neglect like the other places you’ve lived. Then having Jaehyun here, the more reasons to return.

Undoubtedly the best vacation you’ve ever been in your adult years, one that didn’t sacrifice for your art so you could compete with other artists. The weight on your chest poofed into thin air, and you felt ready for what the next steps as a painter were.

Appreciating the greenery you passed by, you peeked over the side mirror of the car only to find Jaehyun quickly biking in your direction.

Now, what was he up to?

You instantly requested the driver to slow down his pace, rolling down the window of the car. Not caring about the strong winds, “You fool, what are you doing?!”

Although he trusted your last words, he had the greed to see your face again. It would be a long time until he’ll see you in person again. So he pedaled as fast he could to still reach you. Oh, the things you do when you’re in love.

“Mon cœur bat la chamade pour toi, (Y/N)!” [My heart beats loudly for you, (Y/N)!]

You giggled at his silliness, throwing out flying kisses.

“Je reviendrai bientôt, Jaehyun!” (I’ll come back soon, Jaehyun!)

21 octobre 1957

Only your friends at the studio gave you a warm welcome back, receiving comments like “get back to work” from your first encounter with your boss. Popping a champagne glass open after work hours on the rooftop of your studio, they interrogated you with all the questions they could think of.

“So this village in Provence…. was it beautiful as the tourists said?” Ten, who moved from his home in Thailand to Paris at a young age, expressed his curiosity whilst leaning against the railing overlooking the Eiffel Tower.

“Beautiful is an understatement, Ten. I miss it dearly!” You heaved a sigh, twirling your glass.

“So this inspiration you were looking for…” Amélie, your dear friend since your university days, created some tension as she prolonged her last word. Playfulness twinkled in her eyes, crossing her legs. “Was a person involved by any chance?”

For a moment, your throat almost gagged on the sizzling alcohol going down.

“What do you mean?” You acted clueless, pouring your now empty glass with more booze. But the moment Ten gave you the troublesome look coordinating with Amélie, you already knew you wouldn’t hear the end of it. These two were such gossips in and out of the studio.

Ten took the seat across you on the table and leaked all his pent-up information.

“So you know Seo Youngho, the only son of the Seo family. Rich, socialite, a total hotshot… yeah, all that jazz.” He dived in, seeing you nod over knowing that man. Someone in the past you’ve slept with, but that’s another story. “Well, Amelie and I attended one of his parties at his large penthouse. He had his usual crowd there; Kim Doyoung, Lee Taeyong, Nakamoto Yuta, and Lee Minhyung. But fun fact: there’s another member in that friend group who doesn’t go to these kinds of events.”

“Here’s where it gets interesting,” Amélie excitedly took off like the pipelette (chatterbox) she is. “Youngho, who was talking to us for a bit, asked where you’ve run off. Poor him, he must’ve missed you in his bed but anyway! We told him that you went down south somewhere in Provence for a break. Oddly enough, he mentioned how the mentioned member moved back there for the same reason.”

Ten and Amélie gave each other another frisky look, merely to piss you off. So predictable of them.

“Get to the point please!” You screeched.

“Jeong Jaehyun, ever heard of him?” Amélie imitated your tone of voice. “I mean, you should since you made a whole painting of him.”

“H-How,” Speechless, that’s what you were. Ten went on a fit of giggles, signaling the build-up of his intoxication.

“Youngho visited the studio to find a specific painting for his home, and we helped him in choosing. Then when your deliveries of paintings arrived that day and were unwrapped, the look on his face when he saw Jaehyun’s painting was priceless. Things started to add up, especially when he told us that he called up Jaehyun prior, he said that Jaehyun was seeing a girl during his stay there.”

“A young, burnt-out painter from Paris, to be specific.”

They’ve put you on the edge of the cliff, and it was too close to call it a coincidence. Of all things to be revealed, this had to be the first.

“Well, I was waiting for another time to tell you guys about him though.”

Their gasps of joy could give you guys a noise complaint by the neighbors, telling all about your escapades of him and you. During it, the more you missed seeing him daily either on his bike or his car. It was stuck in your routine, but now it’s reverted to your old one.

Could the next summer come any faster?

14 février 1958

Perhaps your newest collection at the Louvre was your most successful one yet.

Entitled “Inspirez, Expirez” (Breathe In, Breathe Out), your sceneries during your stay in the village varied. An old couple slow dancing under the night sky, and the quiet district of shops Jaehyun took you, those were some of your last additions.

A multitude of positive reviews on the newspapers and art magazines came in, commending on taking on a fresher, brighter outlook for a change whilst finding your spark again. As fulfilling it was, what you longed the most was the one responsible for it.

Lately, it’s been tough to contact him. His maids always answered the calls, informing you that he was busy with work or family matters. It’s so rare for him to act like this. Whatever it was, it wasn’t grand or serious hopefully.

Back to your collection, tonight was the last night of it. Just in time for Valentine’s day, where numerous socialite lovers embarked on this event, but you’re more fixated that it was also Jaehyun’s birthday. A boy full of love born on the day dedicated for it, things made more sense. In case, you’ve sent your birthday wishes to him through letter and passing the message to one of his maids. Even on his special day, he hasn’t reached out to you.

But to momentarily forget about that, there was a closing ceremony held for this exhibit with the other artists involved, and it was your turn to give your final remarks. More esteemed socialites and journalists were present, which didn’t halt your nerves the slightest. You were a professional after all, holding pride in your craft as you stood in front of the microphone wearing your new favorite custom-made gown.

There are perks when you have close friends in the fashion industry, specifically Kim “Key” Kibum from the House of Key. After defending him from a disrespectful client when you were picking up a dress for your boss during your internship years, not only did you earn his respect, but an invite to his shows and first claiming of new items from his collections. Dining in expensive restaurants in the metro was a plus, catching up on your lives. Sometimes calling each other out for your sexcapades too.

Speaking of him, he was in the crowd that night, ordering every photographer to take photos of your gorgeous self in one of his dresses. Or in your opinion, bribing some by how he stuffed a few thick stacks of Euro bills down their pockets.

Only one of it ever made. A dark green satin v-neck off-the-shoulder gown, where diamonds adorned your neck and ears and white stilettos kept your perfect balance. Also courtesy of Key.

Because it’s the winter season, he gifted you a limited edition white fur coat every socialite tried getting their hands on. Your hair was styled in a bun, emphasizing your dark tinted lips from this new lipstick Amelie insisted you buy.

Most people would get the first impression that you were one of the socialites, a child from one of the affluent families even. But you were a lot more remarkable than that, having inborn talent in the arts that you specialized over your youth and rising to the top without any parental help.

“Thank you to everyone for their endless support towards the magnificent collections of each artist present. As for mine, I am grateful to rechannel my creative side by taking a break. Rather than romanticizing overworking our bones to the core, there’s nothing wrong with taking a step back from the pressure. Being alive is a blessing, realizing further how our youth won’t stay with us forever. Being away from the boisterous cities, I found relaxation in the countryside of Provence.”

Your lips quirked into a grin as every single memory during that time reeled in your head like a movie. “The beauty of Provence cannot be simply put in words. The muses I’ve encountered were more than lovely, especially the man behind the Poetic Rose. With that, I sincerely thank everyone from my bottom of my heart and I hope to continue to support me in the years to come.”

The applause roared once you stepped down the platform, shaking hands with every esteemed guest with more gratitude as they praised you. These days, socializing with them was a lot easier. You’ve even taken more initiative to greet people first before they do, conversing with them easily about anything.

Key definitely noticed that as you toured him around your section, holding his nth glass of wine for the night.

“You, Madame (Y/N), transformed into a social butterfly.” He nudged your shoulder, smirking once he got a better view of his favorite painting from you. “I guess that’s the thing when you’re in love.”

“I beg your pardon?”

With this free hand, he motioned it up and down at the painting in front of you. “The Poetic Rose is none other than the youngest son of the Jeong family, whom I’ve met through his older sister, Krystal.”

“Am I really the only one who doesn’t know him?!” You stressed, jokingly. Key was elated to capture you in his trap, the changes of your personality too evident in his eyes. Figuring it out that it was love took a while, but being acquainted with Krystal, she’s the one who told him that her younger brother was in love with a painter in Provence. Do the math.

“I’ve met him through his older sister, one of my highly favored clients. He’s not much of a socialite like her, so I don’t really blame you for that.”

Searching for a waiter to refill your wine glasses, a surprise emerged the both of you.

“Madame Krystal, you’re absolutely stunning.”  Key complimented her, giving the engaged heiress of Jeong Tea Inc. kisses on the cheek as respect. Her recent engagement to Kim Donghyun, her childhood sweetheart and also the heir of Kim Couture, was the talk of the town.

They arrived at the event together, drawing the attention of everyone in the room earlier. Now, he was speaking to a few influential socialites he made a deal with this week about the art collections present.

“Key, you never fail to look fantastic,” She remarked positively, poking his necktie before placing her undivided attention on you. “So you must be (Y/N) (Y/L/N). You’re beyond bewildering in that gown.”

“Flattered to hear that, Madame Krystal. Such a pleasure to meet you.”

The three of you chatted as if you were the only people there. From art, passion, and love, pride filled in your chest when you toured your collection. It was like walking down memory lane for her, adding out how she used to climb the peach tree with her younger brother during their childhood. Once her eyes laid on Poetic Rose, she took her time admiring it.

“My younger brother grew up well. That’s all I could ever hope for as his only older sister.” She paused, noticing how silent you became when you stared at the painting along with her. She observed the passion lit in your eyes, yet there was longing behind it by the way your lips pouted briefly. “You must really love him, do you?”

“I do, truly. After meeting him, not only was I boosted with so much ideas, but my heart embraced him for what and who he is in this universe.” You professed confidently, earning an approving smile from Krystal.

“If that’s how you feel, why not tell him that yourself?”

Her fingers gestured you to turn around. Stood in a grey suit with his brown hair slicked back, it was like seeing a completely new person. A handsome one though. His fashion in the countryside heavily differed from his fashion in the cities. So sophisticated and refined, he looked like a prince straight out of a fairytale.

Your fairytale.

“Jaehyun.”

It’s like everything stopped once he sprinted towards you, pulling you off your feet for a snug hug. Your arms threw themselves on his neck by instinct, not wasting a single second in his grasp. Your nose inhaled the woody scent of his cologne, something more formal than his usual fruity scent.

The smell of aftershave in his jaw couldn’t go ignored either, assuming that he must have had plans to go out tonight. Nonetheless, you squealed as if you were back in Provence, giggling at his boldness. Once he put you down, neither of you could get your hands off each other.

“What are you doing here? You didn’t tell me you’d be in Paris!” Clutching your waist, you gazed at him with doe-like eyes, instilling confusion.

“J’ai voulu te surprendre, my chérie.” (I wanted to surprise you, my darling.)

He chuckled, pushing some straying strands of your hair behind your ear. His eyes evoked so much endearment towards this elegant look you prepared, making his heart race as if he were in the gardens of his manor again.

Hearing his petname for you again attacked your heart every time no matter how much time passed, he lifted your chin high. Jaehyun urged himself to kiss you senseless right there, leaning lower. And yes, you anticipated it by how your eyes instantly closed.

Only if it weren’t for Krystal to clear her throat, obviously ruining the mood. Flinching away from your sensual lover, you rubbed the nape of your neck. Towards an heiress like her, it must’ve been unprofessional.

“Couldn’t you at least wait until I left, younger brother?” Her fingers flicked Jaehyun’s forehead, a teasing trick they used to do as kids. Even if she was a lot shorter now, it didn’t mean the impact was weak. He cursed under his breath, covering his forehead.

Stifling your laughter was a failure, crinkling your eyes to unleash your emotions. So this is what their sibling dynamic was like?

“Now excuse me, older sister. You didn’t tell me you were visiting the exhibit after my birthday dinner with our parents?” He crossed his arms, exchanging a judgmental look. For his sake, he wanted to maintain his pride. “All you said after dinner was that you were going straight home with your fiancé after all the alcohol mother gave you because it made you lightheaded.”

“Well, you know Key and his persuasiveness. He insisted I attend this event last minute because all the collections were amazing.” She explained, shedding a subtle glance at you. “Plus, it’s an excuse to finally meet this lovely girl you raved so much through your letters.”

Jaehyun kept his family life private, so this piece of information was new to you. The unpredicted way the fluttering feeling drew in your stomach, all you could do was smile from the flattery.

“He spoke about me to you?”

“More than speak, my dear. He practically professed his love for you, asking me advice on how to court a girl, make them smile, etcetera. You’re the first girl he’s been this affectionate with, and I completely understand now.” She patted your shoulder, hopeful. She had such a strong older sister vibe, reminding you of your older siblings back home. “You’re a clever, talented woman. I look forward to seeing you more often.”

As you nodded in approval, she turned towards her brother with her recurring teasing look. “Yah, Jaehyun. You better take care of her. If she ever sheds a tear because of you, I’m hunting you down in the gardens.”

“Harsh of you, Krystal.” He planted his hand on his chest, feigning pain. “But no worries. Having you and mother around me kept me well-mannered towards women growing up.”

Playfulness aside, Krystal felt honored towards her younger brother. Men these days maintained their sexist beliefs and rudeness, especially those who doubted her high position in the family business once her father stepped down. Nowadays, it’s men like Jaehyun who could really challenge the patriarchy and make women pursue a lot more than being limited as a housewife.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now please excuse me, I’ll be on my way.”

Krystal waltzed her way out without tripping from her slight intoxication, which Jaehyun worried about earlier. But anyway, that left him alone with you. Filled with so many questions, you didn’t know where to start.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Paris? Why didn’t you acknowledge my birthday wishes to you? Why aren’t you answering my calls and letters?” You blurted without wasting a breath, weren’t trying to come off as needy, but it became peculiar when he was contacting you like usual.

You pushed off thinking of the worst scenarios, not wanting it to ruin your drive and your emotions either. Yet you trusted Jaehyun enough to know he wasn’t the type of person either.

“Okay slow down, ma chérie.” His hands maneuvered for you to stop for a bit. “Ask me one by one and I’ll give you a solid answer for each while we roam around.”

He arrived in Paris last week, which was initially for work. Then his birthday clashing was a coincidence. It would be too lonely to go home and celebrate his special day alone, so he extended. But again, it’s his work that caused his abrupt contact.

When you were too busy delving into the success of recovering your inspiration, he also found his spur to write again too. Day and night, his mind kept him tedious with an endless trail of thoughts and words. Overall, he finalized it then brought the end product to the same publishing house where his books in the past went through.

In fact, he decided to publish them specifically today on his birthday. The only day in his itinerary he planned, where after publishing, he’d hang out with his friends, have dinner with his family then run off to reunite with you.

“I didn’t intend to make you feel like a second choice, so please forgive me for that, ma chérie.”

“All is forgiven, Jaehyun.” You held both his hands, kissing them tenderly out of habit. “I’m overjoyed that you rekindled your creative side again.”

You were so understanding and empathetic, and Jaehyun aimed to act that way too. He learned so much from you as his friend before being his lover. Quickly enough, you’re both back to his portrait in the center. Like a critic, he narrowed his eyes and scrunched his nose. Tapping his chin with his finger,

“This man in Poetic Rose, he’s quite dashing.” He commented with conceit, walking closer to it to view it better. “His freckles are on point, his dimples and dazzling eyes too. Why exactly is he described as a Poetic Rose?”

“Well sir,” You stood beside him, imitating his actions. “This man here always spoke so eloquently, like he had a very poetic approach on life. He reminded me also of a rose by his rosy tinted cheeks and his beauty. He was alluring inside and out.”

“Is he your favorite muse?”

“I never quoted him as a muse because he’s more than that. Muses can be replaced once they no longer serve purpose towards the artist. Though with him, he’s the never-ending flame that I want to keep for the rest of time."

You held on to his hand, interlocking your fingers with his. The apparent reddening of his ears proved that he was flustered, yet you spoke no lies.

“Joyeux anniversaire, ma flamme.” (Happy birthday, my flame.)

“Merci beaucoup, ma chérie.” (Thank you, my darling.)

Something about his new release piqued your attention so you brought it up again.

“So tell me about your new book.”

“Let me show you instead.” Inside the blazer, there was an inner pocket that sealed a small hardbound book. Taking it out, he handed it over to you. “This is your copy.”

The cover of the book had an illustration of two young adults running down the fields under the bright sun, with the title written in cursive and placed in the center.

“L’Été de 1957.” (The Summer of 1957.)

Like a child who received a new gift in the mail, you flipped the book open. Seeing the table of contents and credits to other important people involved in the process, there was a detailed dedication right before the starting chapter. It’s an unexpected page, noticing that he never put anything like this in his last works.

“Pour ma chérie, qui a peint les couleurs manquantes de ma vie.” (For my darling, who painted the missing colors of my life.)

Although Jaehyun planned to write about the couples he met in the countryside, he chose to change his perspective. Instead, he based this new book on your summer romance, installing more original characters who made your romance blossom more.

“I was once so engaged in listening to people’s love stories, hung up on what they felt.” He expounded, pacing around the floor whilst you skimmed through the pages. There were black and white photos from your adventures too to wrap the reader further in the story.

“While I was struggling to find the next story, I realized late that my story with you was a perfect choice. When I fell in love with you, it’s like I didn’t have to fret anymore about anything. Everything slowly yet surely aligned into place for me. Like how we found inspiration in each other.”

A poetic speaker meant having a poetic, wise mind. You kept an open mind whenever Jaehyun shared his thoughts on life with you, an intimate time that didn’t require using your bodies. Whether you were stargazing or drinking wine by his patio, his soulful personality never changed.

“So I recapped every single memory we had and compiled them,” He resumed, taking a closer step towards yours. His warm hands grasped your waist again, catching a glimpse of your astonished face. Mostly, towards your lips that he missed feeling against his.

“This book expressed my own take on love this time, the one I want to grow in.”

You’d care less if you dropped the book and your coat right there, your major desire to kiss him again was driving your senses to the edge of a cliff. Nothing could’ve braced yourself the second you fervently collided your lips with his. It didn’t feel like you were in this exhibit, but somewhere back in his mansion engulfed in each other’s presence.

Your legs almost melted by your daring move, if it weren’t for Jaehyun’s arm moving upwards to your back to stabilize you more. Your body tingled with goosebumps due to his relaxing fingers all over your body. His tongue caved in your lips, and you couldn’t ban its access.

Such an explicit sight, it felt forbidden as you were inches away from the public crowd. Yet it was the least of your worries if they made a big fuss over it. Jaehyun was here again with you, and that was more valuable to you. He savored every trace of your touches, taking his delicate time with you. No past birthday could defeat this, especially when it’s the first one to celebrate with you. The first of many.

As much you wanted to keep this up for hours, your lungs started feeling constricted of air so your lips timidly let go. Though your hands couldn’t, your overwhelmed eyes couldn’t shift away from the heart-stopping view of your lover. Wherein even after such a fearless session, his eyes fused with love and need with his plumper lips.

“Everything about Provence, especially you, that’s the life I want.” You confessed this concealed secret that’s revolved your head for a while now. Yet its certainty was true.

“Are you sure, ma chérie? What about work?” As an artist, he believed you should stay where everything is accessible. Yet as his woman, he wanted you to follow your heart. Jaehyun didn’t want you to choose or struggle.

“I’ve grown out from the idea that the city life was the only life meant of an artist like me.” You replied, confident enough to discuss it after deep thought. “Cities like Paris hold exciting, vigorous flames that will have you clinging on to them. But then, they’ll eventually die the longer you stay. You get burned in the process too. However, I stand by what I said earlier. I found an endless flame when I met and began loving you, Jaehyun. It doesn’t sting at all; it illuminates strongly every living day.”

Urging him to lower his stance with your fingers, you stated one last phrase. “Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.”

“If that’s the case,” Jaehyun acknowledged, sticking his arm out for you. “Let’s get out of here.”

Astounded expressions crowded the socialites in the event as they watched the both of you exit together. If the news of Krystal and Donghyun weren’t crazy enough, some journalists figured the mysterious man behind The Poetic Rose and spread it like wildfire.

How was the youngest son of the Jeong family turned renowned romance novel author connected to the impressive, up-and-coming painter from London?

What really went down in Provence?

“How can you miss out on the signs? Did you not see them share a kiss earlier?” Key protested to those who weren’t approving whatever relationship you guys had. He loved his tea but hated those who simply were money hungry. Wanting a chance to be a part of the rich family, only to fish them out of their riches sooner or later.

Meanwhile, the winter season didn’t stop any of you from roaming the streets of Paris. Moments like these were a preview of the future you’ve envisioned with Jaehyun. Youthful, free, and fiery, a love between two artists created more magic not just in their crafts but to those around them.

Promenading a street overlooking the Seine River, Jaehyun took out a smaller instant camera from his pocket and took a candid shot of you. Stunned, you slapped his chest with your bag.

“Hey! Just how many more things are hidden in your blazer?”

“Just my wallet and a few condoms. Why’d you ask?” He raised a suggestive brow, feigning good intentions.

You hummed, faking your deep thought mindset. “At this rate, I don’t think we’ll make it back to my apartment alive.”

Jaehyun tugged you by your coat, his lips hovering your ear to whisper. “If we call a cab right now, I can finger you in the backseat.”

You chuckled at his vulgar idea, but it seemed ideal. You loved the thrill of getting caught or having someone overhearing you two, just like him. Besides, his fingers don’t match up to yours when you touch yourself alone in your apartment. You bat your eyelashes, giving in.

“Deal.”

6 ans plus tard (1964)

Summer returned, the sun strongly smiling down to the plentiful flowers at your family garden. By the patio of your home, your canvas was already laid by the easel stand. Shades of yellow were applied first to symbolize the brightness of the day, following the outline of your desired scenery for this piece.

Dipping the brush in water to change colors, you took another glance at the breezy sky. Light blue with clouds resembling soft pillows, you inhaled gently as your brush faintly stroked the canvas again.

Your hair was tied in a bun, meaning that you’re in for a busy session. But a more soothing one as the jazz music flowed from the vinyl player inside. Stress was the last thing you needed right now.

“What’s madame artiste up to right now?” Your husband piped in from behind, placing down a tray of tea and crackers. With some top buttons of his white top left unattended, you glimpsed on his toned chest when he leaned down. But you mustn’t pry whilst working, even when temptation was calling your name repeatedly.

“The summer sunshine healed me of my discomfort, so I think it’s about time I painted again.” You chewed on the snack, looking back and forth to the view. As enchanting as all the flowers you and him planted over the years grew, you’re more amused by a little boy strolling around it with his magnifying glass and tiny wooden basket with his furry puppy by his side.

His tiny legs often troubled the two of you because he enjoyed spending time with nature. Only God knows what he found in the garden this time.

“Adrien est explorer encore. Devrais-je lui dire qu’il change de place, ma chérie?” (Adrien is exploring again. Should I tell him to change places, my darling?) Jaehyun cautiously asked, not wanting his 3 year old son to impair your perspective.

“Non,” (No,) You held on to his hand, kissing it sweetly. Although you peeved any unnecessary details found in your scenery in the past, Adrien was an exception. As his mother, it’s hard to say no to him unless necessary.

“Il est un garçon curieux, alors il devrait explorer et flâner où il veut.” (He’s a curious boy, so he should explore and wander wherever he wants.)

Life ever since you returned to the countryside shifted into something more precious than you imagined. From moving places constantly, you found a home to settle in for good. A home with overflowing love and inspiration. A home within Jeong Jaehyun.

Recently, you halted your work-related activities in Paris and came home because you were heavily homesick. It even affected your health as a whole. So you made adjustments with your schedules, postponing appearances to events to next year.

On the plus side, you could be more active as a mother to Adrien. It felt like you burdened Jaehyun to take care of Adrien most of the time because he mainly worked from home, wherein important people who wanted to meet him would have to fly out to the countryside.

Back and forth to Paris, your presence towards Adrien often lacked. Here came your biggest fear, which was Adrien forgetting you. But Jaehyun told you over and over again that it wasn’t the case. As he listened to every wrenching thought you had, but he’d combat it with heartfelt words of reassurance so you wouldn’t overanalyze things.

He vowed to love and take care of you when times get hard, and he will continue doing so.

Remember when you said how his mansion felt too big?

It no longer did after getting married.

It gave more room to grow and breathe more life into it. When Adrien was born, he was the prime reflection of your and Jaehyun’s love. He mirrored his father’s physical traits but with a daring personality like yours. A perfect mixture, the world worked amazingly to bring a boy like him into your life.

“Maman! Papa!” Adrien bolted to where you and Jaehyun stood. From the clothes he wore, it’s very much clear that his father was in charge of it whilst you slept in the entire morning. Suspenders, capri shorts, a white shirt, and a red beret, he deserved his title as Jaehyun’s mini-me.

Jaehyun swelled with pride and love for his only son, peeking over what he brought to show and tell you both. “Oh Adrien, what do you have for us today?”

In his basket, there were 3 sunflowers stuck out from the edge. It’s been a while since you’ve seen some in full bloom, lowering your stance to get a more vivid view. He took them out to hand them to you and your husband.

One flower for Jaehyun and two for you. You let out a gasp, scrunching your brows to the center. He always gave one of each item to you and Jaehyun, never more or less.

“Ooh, deux fleurs pour Maman. Pourquoi, Rien?” (Ooh, two flowers for Mama. Why, Rien?) Jaehyun let his nickname out for his lips while you grasped his small hand.

“Well, I heard from Olivier next door that on his birthday, he gave extra flowers to his mother so he could have another sibling. And it worked!” He spoke so innocently, yet it hitched a choke from Jaehyun’s chest. Your eyes widened from disbelief. The information he collected due to his curiosity, no boundaries truly.

“Le mois prochain, c’est mon anniversaire. Je me demandais si je peux avoir un frère ou sœur comme Olivier? Tu es toujours occupée, comme Papa. Je ne veux plus être seul, alors je veux une amie aussi.” (It’s my birthday next month, and I was wondering if I can have a sibling like Olivier? You are always busy, like Papa. I don’t want to be alone anymore, so I want a friend too.)

You exchanged looks with Jaehyun, not knowing how exactly to respond. Although you and Jaehyun did agree that you wanted more than one child when you were younger, neither of you brought it up again since your careers were always loaded with plans.

Adrien was a surprise child actually, conceived on the night where you and Jaehyun celebrated after L’Été de 1957 was announced to be the best-selling romance novel of the decade in the country.

In Paris at his family home, where his parents brought out all their prized liquor, the two of you drank the entire night away to the point Krystal and Donghyun had to push you away from each other from your public affections because their children were present.

But it didn’t stop you two once you reached his bedroom, far away from everything and everyone. And you’ll never change it.

“Oh, Rien,” You eased in, consoling him. “Je suis désolé. Mais c’est franchement une grande demande, n'est-ce pas?” (I am sorry. But that’s quite a big request, right?)

“Mom and I will think about it first, okay? Another kid is a big responsibility, and you’ll be their older brother. That’s another important job, can you do it well?”

“Yes, I can, Papa!” He beamed with glee, his covered head patted by his father after. As you placed the sunflowers beside your palette, Adrien then proceeded to ask you if he could paint with you like old times.

Never you refuse especially with his sparkling round eyes and chubby face that makes you want to squish every time.

As you lifted his light body to sit on your lap, you placed your brush between his stubby fingers and carefully aimed in whatever angle seemed fit so the painting process would run smoothly and perfectly. He let out sounds of amazement when the strokes get bigger, jumping slightly too because the picture became more vivid. You’d smile and coo at him, commending whenever he followed instructions well. As his mother, you only encouraged your child in whatever they want to excel in.

Adrien was the child of two artists, so it was only natural that he had an artistic side in his veins.

Too caught up in your fun, hearing the automatic shutter of the camera from your side was delayed. The source was none other than Jaehyun hiding behind his camera. Jaehyun’s heart soared at the heavenly view of the most important people in his life, wanting to treasure the moment as a lovely memory.

“Hey!” You shouted, placing down the messy brush by the palette. “Je suis très laid!” (I am very ugly!)

“Shh! Tu est rayonnant, ma chérie. Papa est juste, Rien?” (Shh! You are glowing, my darling. Papa is right, Rien?)

Jaehyun politely quizzed the peppy boy, nodding excitedly. His dimples deeply showed up, the main trait he claimed from his father.

“Oui, papa! Maman est toujours belle!” (Yes, papa! Mama is always beautiful!)

He exclaimed, pecking your cheek numerously. You squealed, attacking him with tickles and kisses back. His shouts of delight, then he was suddenly carried by your tall husband in the air like he was flying in the sky. Adrien enjoyed that motion highly, ending up on Jaehyun’s shoulders shortly after to play by the garden again.

“Go paint. I’ll take care of him now.” Jaehyun persuaded, roaming through the long rows of flowers in full bloom. Though seconds after adding some strokes to your piece, you let down your hair, put a hat and sandals on, and ran to the cute duo to join them.

And that’s how your family spent the entire afternoon. By the garden, running around and taking photos and short videos from Jaehyun’s camera. Freezing these valuable memories, this was truly the life you loved so much.

After your break, you could convince the company you worked at that you’d prefer fewer trips to Paris and stay in the countryside longer. How badly you’ve wanted to hold your exhibits here instead. Plus like Jaehyun, let influential people visit you. You’ve already made a big name for yourself now, so that should be valid enough.

Dinner time passed by quickly too, eventually putting Adrien to a smooth slumber as you massaged the roots of his soft hair while Jaehyun sang him a lullaby. This was your joint parenting technique with him since he was a newborn, and it worked quickly as lightning.

You redressed into your silk nightgown after bringing your canvas to the master bedroom, opening the balcony doors to invite the cool breeze in. You tweaked some bits of your painting, including a silhouette of your small family. Regarding where to place it, probably by the living room as it matched the theme.

“What a spectacular day, don’t you think, ma chérie?” Jaehyun conversed, admiring the calm movements of your brush. He noticed a quirky smile grace your lips.

“It’s been a long time since we had quality time like that with Rien. He’s a feisty ball of energy these days.” You replied with a nostalgic daze. “It’s so crazy how one day, he was still crawling to us. Now, he could outrun the both of us.”

“Comme le temps passe vite, hmm?” (How time flies fast, hmm?) Nodding, nothing braced for what your husband had in mind. You almost dropped your brush mid-way. Jaehyun’s lips impatiently devoured your neck, his huge hands fondling your breasts. Violently throwing your head back against his chest, a needy moan parted your lips.

“Jae-” His touches reaching south to where you desired him highly, dampening hastily as your legs naturally spread apart. Rushed exhales, “À quoi tu penses maintenant?” (What are you thinking about right now?)

“Rien se sent seul,” (Rien feels alone,) His hot breath whispered against your ear, his fingers dangerously trailing your thin panties up and down. With your hands tightly clutching on his bicep,

“Alors, donnons-lui une amie.” (We should give him a friend.)

Ever since Adrien mentioned such a daring topic, it hasn’t left Jaehyun’s mind the whole day. After seeing you in utter bliss with your son earlier, he found you so majestic and radiant. It’s a different kind of happiness, especially for parents.

Now you went on hiatus, he thought that it was the right time to have another. He enjoyed his younger years with Krystal, and he wanted Adrien to experience it too. 3 years was quite a wait, and it seemed ideal to try again.

From his nude chest, you flipped around to intensely clash his lips with yours. Draping your arms behind his neck, Jaehyun lifted your entire figure from the chair. His hands gripping on your butt, he delicately lowered you down your bed.

Drowning into his sensual kisses with his hands all over you, this could prolong for hours. Reddening love marks started to resurface whilst your fingers tugged on the drawstring of his pajama pants. Jaehyun’s fingers dove under the fabric of your panties, his index finger rubbing figure 8s the sensitive bundle of nerves.

You struggled to swallow your moans, not wanting Rien to hear it. You wouldn’t want to repeat history, covering it as Jaehyun massaging you after a hard day.

“I know you want one too, ma chérie.” His fingers began to drape down the straps of your gown, presenting your breasts in its full, perky view. But before his lips could suck on your erect nipples, you parted momentarily from him and got up on your feet. Pulling up your straps again, Jaehyun simply laid down but he wasn’t pleased from how you left him hanging.

“Où vas-tu, ma chérie?” (Where are you going, sweetheart?)

He was growing impatient. You were never to interrupt such a sexy atmosphere ever.

From one of your drawers in your vanity table, an important, half-opened envelope was hidden. You were supposed to give it tomorrow but now seemed like a perfect time. Reading it as soon one of the maids handed it to you gave you the jitters, but in a positive way. Sitting back down on the edge of your bed, you exhilaratingly passed it to your husband.

“Qu’est-ce que c’est?” (What is this?)

“Ouvre-le.” (Open it.)

Jaehyun slowly opened the edges and once he took out the contents. Reading it thoroughly, he couldn’t believe it as his jaw dropped, pacing from the letter and you back and forth.

“Vraiment, ma chérie?” (Really, my darling?)

It was from a doctor you visited in Paris a few days before you left, who confirmed just exactly what caused your health to go feeble suddenly. You already had one certain suspicion, which you addressed in your leave of absence letter. Amelié, who finally got the position as the head, couldn’t believe her ears and insisted you take all the time off you needed.

“On dirait que Adrien a reçu son cadeau d'anniversaire en avance.” (It looks like Adrien received his birthday gift early.)

Overall, it turned out the headaches and repeated vomiting you mistook as motion sickness from traveling was a surprise hello to your second child.

A girl specifically, thanks to the blood test she recommended.

“Je t’aime, (Y/N).”

“Montre moi combien tu m’aimes, Jaehyun.” (Show me how much you love me, Jaehyun.)

The whole night through, the two of you vigorously celebrated with the moonlight from the windows and a few scented candles set in the room. Wet kisses left on your collarbone, words of devotion exchanged, holding his hand as he groaned from heartily thrusting in you, the number of moans from your lips overlapped with the vinyl playing in the room. The intimacy between you two increased, almost as if you made love for the first time again all those years ago.

Excluding being drenched from the rain.

Once the two of you grew tired, Jaehyun lied down beside you. Wrapping one arm around, one hand trailed down your naked skin again. His wedding band flashed your eyes, reminding you of the commitment you promised each other. For better, and for worse.

Jaehyun promised to love you endlessly as a woman and his wife, and it didn’t cease when you became the mother of his children. He respected how strong you are, physically and mentally. He helped you in any way he could as you endured the struggling process.

At the end of the day, his family was his biggest priority. More than ever now, you needed him as you go through the pregnancy phases again. Specifically, his index finger lingered on your stomach. There was no bump or other signs of showing, except for that glow he complimented you earlier on.

“We met and fell in love over the summer, got married in summer, had Adrien mid-summer, and now found out about our daughter at the start of summer.” He smiled, blessed at all the good he’s received during this time.

“The summer gods must adore us.” Your vacant hand with your wedding band topped his. To love and to cherish. “Ils m'ont amené à toi.” (They brought me to you.)

His power on you was simply addicting, as if your early twenties revisited you. You straddled himself once again, your fingers caressing his face sweetly. When it reached his lips, he placed longing kisses there and pulled you closer again for another kiss on your lips. In between, you mumbled in a silvery tone,

“Then they led us to say I do. Pour toujours et à jamais.”

copyright © 2021 by alluringjae.

[seulgiology]

dangerous love | jeon jungkook

pairings: mafia leader!jungkook x female!reader

words: 3.7k

genre: ze smut, a bit of fluff

warnings: shower sex, oral sex (fem receiving), fingering, dirty talk, manhandling, choking, overstimulation, cursing, multiple orgasms, soft aftercare uwu

a/n: is this admin 2 writing smut?? yes it is beautiful people, admin 2 is here with some flavorful smut. i love writing smut but like it takes me a while and i’ve been working on this for over a week ,,, oops. i kinda rushed it though so im sorry. um uh hopefully you guys like it like i do :)). 

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

--- The clapping thunder being heard throughout the city had you clutching onto the strap of your purse tightly. You quickly look around you for any suspicious acts and are relieved when you find none. People around you were rushing to their cars or finding shelter for the oncoming thunderstorm. However, there you were getting some ramen late at night when there is a fully stocked kitchen at home. 

With everything except ramen. Courtesy to your boyfriend who remembers everything except to buy ramen. Hence why you do all the grocery shopping.

You instantly regretted leaving the house because it felt like eyes were on you. Especially because you were alone now. Jungkook had told you not to leave the house because he was going to e busy tonight and he wouldn’t be able to travel with you. But you didn’t think that going to the convenience store would be such a worry. 

Your fingers itched to grab at your phone to call Jungkook to come and get you but you didn’t want to interrupt his plans. Even though it had been a few hours since he had left with a lingering kiss on your lips and a promise to be home later. You’re sure he should be on his way home now and he would lose his shit if he came home and you weren’t there.

Hearing footsteps behind you that you didn’t hear before, you discreetly look back and curse under your breath when you see it’s someone with a dark hood following you. Fear crawls up your spine and you indistinctly grab at the gun on the holster on your thigh, the weight reminding you that you’re at least a little bit protected. 

You speed up your steps and start to take a shortcut onto the busy street, hoping to lose the person you hope is not following you. When you make sight of the luxurious building you happen to live in, you all but jog in there. You don’t pay attention to the person at the front desk and get into the elevator that was opening with people leaving. You slip in just as you see the person following you get caught up in the people coming out of the elevator. 

A big sigh of relief is released and you slump against the elevator wall, closing your eyes shut. Your hand leaves your thigh and you stop clenching the bag that holds the ramen so tightly in your hands. When you make it to the penthouse level, which is the one you live on, you exit the elevator and walk down the short corridor. You enter the code and step in, kicking off your shoes and tossing the bag of ramen to the side along with your purse. 

Just as you neatly place your shoes, you hear someone start to enter the code. What the fuck? You think to yourself as you place yourself on the wall against the wall, taking your gun and holding it up to your chin. Whoever it was about to come in was sure to regret it.

When the door swings open, you don’t get to see who it is because the door closes quickly after like it usually does. You point the gun at the person in the dark, the obvious cocking of it gaining the persons attention and soon you feel the cool butt of their own gun against your forehead and they’re pressing you to the wall harshly. With quick hands, you grab at the knife behind your back and hold it to their neck. 

“I’ll slit your throat if you don’t tell me who you are in five seconds,” you harshly say and press the knife harder. “Y/N? What the hell are you doing?!” the shocked voice of your boyfriend is heard and when the light is flicked on from beside you and you’re met with the face of your boyfriend. 

“Oh, my god Jungkook I’m so sorry,” You rush out, pulling your weapons away from him and them back where they previously were. Jungkook removes his gun to and hums at you impressively.

“As hot as you holding a knife to my neck was I should be concerned as to why you were in the first place. Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks while crossing his arms across his chest. You take note of the thin and long black coat he wears over his black turtleneck and dark jeans, black boots adorning his feet. His hand tattoos are evident and you lick your lips as images of his other tattoos swim through your mind, and arousal spikes just at the thought of his strong hands around your throat. Anyways-

“I thought someone was following me,” you admit without thinking, and when Jungkook asks why you answer. Again, without thinking. “Because when I left the convenience store, I could’ve sworn someone was following me.”

“Didn’t I tell you it wasn’t safe out tonight,” Jungkook scolds with his eyebrows narrowing down as he snatched the bag off the floor, dark hair falling in his face that he roughly pushes back. With a roll of your eyes, you follow him as he walks to the kitchen.

“But there wasn’t ramen in the house and I was hungry for something as simple as it,” you say and Jungkook scoffs at this. You watch as he takes his coat off and places it on one of the stools. His muscles are practically ripping through the soft fabric of the turtleneck and you almost whine at the sight.

“I don’t give a fuck if there wasn’t juice in the house Y/N. I tell you these things to keep you safe. You out at night alone without me is dangerous,” Jungkook says, clearly irritated with you. You lean against the kitchen bar and watch him roll up his sleeves to his elbows, revealing more of his tattoos. 

“Did everything go good tonight at least?” You ask genuinely interested and also to sway him from the issue at hand. Jungkook hums in agreement after taking a big gulp of water he snatched from the fridge. You can tell he was upset at you and you understood why but he should understand how much you love ramen by now.

“I’m going to shower,” Jungkook tells you and walks towards you. You look up at is frame towering over your small one and smile. Jungkook softens and leans down to kiss you, holding you to him by a firm grip on your jaw. The kiss doesn’t last as long as you want it to and you’re chasing after his lips when he pulls away. 

You stubbornly grab his face and kiss him again, this time leaning on your toes and wrapping your arms around his neck. Jungkook makes a noise of approval and places his hands low on your hips. Your lips move together sensually and when Jungkook’s hands wander down to your ass to give it a squeeze, you moan into his mouth.

Before things can get further, however, he is pulling away from you and you whine at the loss. You flutter your eyes open for them to be half-lidded and Jungkook grins at your blown-out pupils, your eyes screaming for you to fuck him. The way your body is moving towards him alone and he knew you were about to start pleading for him. 

“Not right now baby,” Jungkook dismisses despite his own growing arousal in his pants that was starting to strain against the confines of his jeans. The look you were giving him had him wanting to bend you over the counter and fuck you so good but he had to restrain himself. He was still upset with you after all and he couldn’t let you have your way right now. Even if it was what he wanted right now too. 

Yup, a cold shower will surely help him right now.

You huff childishly as you watch your boyfriend walk away from you. You mock him under your breath while taking your weapons out. You place the gun and knife on the kitchen island with a light noise and sigh. Trailing after Jungkook to your bedroom, you hear the shower water start from the bathroom attached to your bedroom. 

When you enter the room, you catch sight of his gun on the bed and you move it on your vanity. You stand in the middle of your room with pursed lips and crossed arms, glancing from the bathroom door to the bedroom door, contemplating on whether you should just go make your ramen or join Jungkook in the shower. 

With a nod to yourself, you start to strip out of your clothes and when you’re done, you tie your hair in a bun on top of your hair even though Jungkook was most likely going to take it out anyways. You push open the door to the bathroom that was already ajar and quietly slip in, going unnoticed. 

You slide open the shower door and get in, the man who is supposed to be a mafia leader not even knowing you’re sneaking up on him. It almost makes you want to laugh. But as you put your hand on his shoulder and he doesn’t even twitch a bit, you know he knew you were coming. 

“Hey,” you greet softly, wrapping your arms around his wet and strong body. Jungkook looks over his shoulder to glance down at you and you gaze back up at him with a sweet smile. He turns around in your arms and his dark eyes slowly rakes over your body. The look sends chills down your spine in the suffocatingly hot shower and you feel your clit throb to life. 

“What are you doing in here?” Jungkook asks in a low voice, turning you and pushing you against the shower wall to the point where the water is now drenching you. You slide your small hands up chiseled chest and rest them on his shoulders, biting your bottom lip in feign innocence.  

“I want to shower with my boyfriend,” you whisper as your hands make it in his wet and long hair. Jungkook’s eyes darken at the statement and his hand’s grip at your waist tighter, almost causing you to whimper but you hold it back. “So don’t look at me like that and let’s shower. There’s way more than enough room in here for us,” you remind him with a wink after pushing his body off of yours.

You step forward to grab your loofah but in a blink of an eye, Jungkook is grabbing your wrists and pinning them behind your back, pressing you against the shower door but this time with his chest pressed against your back. You gasp at the feeling of his hard cock poking your ass and you moan brokenly. His grip on your wrist is unforgiving and when he trails his other hand up to wrap around your throat, you tilt your head back in absolute pleasure and close your eyes. 

“I don’t think I heard you correctly sweetheart. What was it you said, again? Did you ask me not to look at you?” Jungkook whispers in your ear with a rough edge to his tone, biting at your earlobe and causing you to moan. When you don’t directly answer him, he bucks his hips into yours and it makes your body press against the glass more, your boobs becoming uncomfortable but you’re enjoying this too much to stop it. 

The feel of his dick sliding against your lips that is dripping wet with arousal makes you restless, trying to move your hips back but Jungkook squeezes your throat tighter. “N-No,” you answer through gasps of breaths, and Jungkook hums lowly at the answer.

Jungkook lets you go but you stay against the glass to get a grip of yourself. Jungkook was going to be the death of you for sure and if he doesn’t fuck you tonight, then you would shoot him in the dick with his own gun. 

This time when you go to grab your loofah, Jungkook lets you and he continues to wash his body like nothing happened. You look down at his dick that is shamelessly hard and you crave for it to be in you or for it to have your lips wrapped around it. You look away before your boyfriend could notice and your quick to wash your body, not paying any attention to your hair since you had washed it the night before. 

Just as you’re finishing up with rinsing your body off under the water to rid of the soapy suds, Jungkook’s hands are on you again. His hands massage into your body and you sigh contently at the feeling, leaning onto his chest. After he stops his soft movements, you lean up and press your lips on his. Jungkook holds you close to him with his hands on your lower back, your wet chests pressing together in a way that feels good to both of you.

Just the feeling of your body on his alone has him going into override. 

Your tongues dance together fervently and you press your body against his more when his hands grab at your ass, squeezing it hard due to your wet and slippery bodies. Jungkook cups your pussy from behind and you gasp into his mouth, jolting at the unexpected action. His other hand is on the side of your neck and tilts it to the side as he removes his lips from yours, ghosting them down your neck and he starts his ministrations on your clit. Your eyes roll closed at the glorious feeling of his fingers giving you attention. 

He runs his finger teasingly through your lips and when he makes contact with your clit, he rubs it lightly. Not nearly enough for you, so you try to grind down on his hands but a little nip at your neck warns you not to. Your mouth is open in silent pleasure and Jungkook coos against your skin. 

He backs you against the wet shower wall again and moves his hand from your pussy. “Jungkook,” your voice comes out in a whine and he lifts his head so his eyes are on you again. You watch with wide eyes as your boyfriend sinks to his knees before you. He smirks at you while spreading your legs apart.

Jungkook gazes at your glistening pussy with a salivating mouth and he doesn’t hesitate to lift one of your legs over his shoulder. He doesn’t give you any warning before he’s attaching his lips onto your clit and you jerk in his hold, a low whimper leaving your lips at the pleasure that shoots up your spine. 

Jungkook is relentless with the teasing movements of his tongue and you tug on his wet hair. He goes from sucking on your clit to flicking his tongue in and out of your entrance teasingly and your legs were trembling, about to give out on you. 

“Ah, w-wait,” you try to pull him back due to your oncoming orgasm, however, your boyfriend has other plans because his finger is circling your entrance. You cry out when the first finger thrusts inside you all while his tongue is still lapping at you. Your head spins with the overwhelming sensation and you knew he wasn’t going to stop. 

His name comes out in gasping breaths on your lips and as he curls the second finger inside of you, you come undone. Your eyes are squeezed closed and mouth open but not producing any noise. Jungkook hums in approval on you as he rides you through it with gentle motions of his fingers and your body protests at the sensitivity of overstimulation. 

Your body slumps against the wall tiredly as Jungkook stands from his position, his fingers still lazily pumping inside of you despite your whining protests. His mouth crashes onto yours in a hard kiss that you respond to with the same ferocity. You moan at the taste of yourself and the feel of his fingers still working inside of you, scissoring you and unexpectedly adding a third finger. You gasp into his mouth and arch your back, wet chests pressing against each other. 

“Want your cock,” you whimper against his lips, clenching around his finger tightly as they curl up into you and rubbing against you. 

“Yeah? Beg for it,” Jungkook husks out and you whine again, grinding down on his fingers desperately. When you don’t respond, Jungkook wraps his hand around your throat yet again but squeezes harder this time. When your lust-filled gaze meets his, Jungkook’s dick gets even harder if that was even possible. Your lips are swollen from the hard kisses and cheeks flushed from the heat of the shower and recent orgasm, pupils were blown out and your hair was in wet tendrils around your shoulders from the scrunchie falling out of it.

“Please,” you whisper loud enough for him to hear. “Want you to fuck me so good, please… Please, want your cock so bad,” You beg shamelessly, your nails digging into his forearm, your eyes struggling to stay open. 

You moan quietly when his fingers slowly leave you but you’re left empty. Jungkook hikes your leg up over his waist and aligns his cock to your dripping entrance, rubbing it over your folds. “Jungkook, please,” you lead, gripping his biceps, and Jungkook pushes into you slowly. Your head drops on his shoulder and a broken moan passes your lips, leg tightening around his waist. 

Jungkook pushes the rest of his cock in you and hisses as you swallow him in your warm, wet walls. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groans out. You moan at the painfully delicious feeling of him stretching you out. 

“Faster,” you breathlessly stutter out and Jungkooks growls under his breath at the demand, gripping onto your thigh and fucking into you harder. Your moans came out in low, high-pitched sounds that were getting higher the more he thrust into you. 

He held you to him as he fucked you, your nails clawing down his back and when he lifted up your other leg to wrap around his waist, you squealed at the feel of him going deeper. He now held you up against the shower wall, drilling up into you with deep thrusts. You chanted his name through whispers, pants, and moans the pleasure becoming too much. 

“You always… feel so… ngh… fucking good,” Jungkook groans against your neck at the feel of your clenching walls around his cock. “Such a good girl for me,” Jungkook praises, and you clench him tighter at the words, the feeling of him so deep inside of you making your head spin.

“So close,” you whimper, nails digging into his back, and Jungkook groans at the sting from the brief pain. “Please, please please,” you beg through a sob, tears filling in your eyes. Jungkook is kissing you before you can beg anymore and one particularly hard thrust that hits your spot has you coming all over his dick. 

“There you go baby,” Jungkook whispers against your lips but you’re too far gone to even pay notice to his words. He gently works his dick inside of you as your spasming body jerks in his hold from the orgasm that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

Jungkook pulls out of you slowly when you have calmed down but you weren’t done. With shaky legs, you turn around and press your hands against the glass of the shower door that is fogged up. “You’re so fucking perfect,” Jungkook says from behind you, watching as you present yourself to him and look over at him with a heavy gaze. Jungkook steps closer to you and doesn’t waste any time sliding back into you. Your back arches at the feeling but Jungkook is wrapping his strong arms around your middle, holding your bodies close together as he bottoms out fully in you and you feed off the feeling of fullness it gives you. 

“Look at you, so greedy for my cock,” Jungkook whispers in your ear with a rough edge to his voice. His cock constantly hits your g-spot and your pussy is being abused beautifully. “Fuck, fuck Y/N,” Jungkook mans lowly into your ear, trapping your earlobe between his teeth. When his fingers make contact with your swollen clit, you let out a sob and tears spillover. 

“I’m close baby,” Jungkook says through heavy breaths and his hips start stuttering in their movements, chasing after his release and not giving up on his fingers assault on your clit.

“Come in me,” You moan out and that seems to do it for him because, with one pinch of your clit, he’s spilling his load into you and you’re coming for the second time on his cock. Your body tenses up and your vision sees stars as your walls clench him unbelievably tighter. 

Jungkook holds you to him, still planted inside of him as your tired body slumps against him. Jungkook pulls out of you and kisses your shoulder when you wince at the sensitivity. “Let me clean you up, yeah?” Jungkook’s large hands are soothing your body and you nod tiredly, allowing him to clean the cum dripping down your legs. 

You two finish in the shower with him saying soft words of praise in your ear and he wraps you in a fluffy towel once out, drying his body off and putting on some boxers and sweatpants. He takes his time in drying you off and loathing your body in your favorite lotion. 

“I love you,” you say as he pulls one of his shirts over your head after he had put some panties on you. Jungkook smooths your hair out of your face and smiles, heart softening at the girl he loves more than anything. 

“I love you too baby,” he whispers, kissing your lips softly and you sigh contently. Jungkook wraps you in his arms once you guys are under the soft blankets and he rubs your back, gently humming to ease you into sleep. 

“Goodnight, my love.”

[angstysebfan]

The Truth Will Set You Free- Part 9

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader, Thor x Reader (other Avenger characters)

AU: Modern

Summary: You dated for two years, and thought he was the one for you. One day you came home and found him with someone else. After running away from you, you return home and found yourself in the arms of Thor. When Thor decides to introduce you to his friends at a dinner, you realize that there’s something familiar about the house you were visiting.

Warnings: implied cheating, language (not proofread)

--

You take a deep breath as you walk up to the door that was once so familiar. So many happy memories on the other side of that door, but 2 memories are at the forefront of your mind as you raise your hand to knock. One being the day you found Natasha and Bucky in your bed, and the other was the last time you were here and Natasha told you her side of things. Both memories leave a bad taste in your mouth.

You find the courage to knock, and wait patiently for Bucky to come to the door. After a few seconds, the door opens to reveal, not Bucky, but his sister Rebecca. Rebecca’s eyes widen, “Oh my god! Y/N, it’s been so long!” she says surprised and pulling you into a hug. You cautiously hug her back, surprised by her treating you well after everything that happened.

Rebecca pulls back with a wide smile, “Come in! Bucky didn’t mention you were coming. I’m so happy to see you!” she says as she shuts the door behind you. 

You turn and look at a the young girl, who you always loved as a sister. You gave her a tentative smile, “He didn’t know. Is he home?” you ask.

Rebecca nods but doesn’t move, instead grabs your hand. “I’m so sorry for everything that happened between you both. He has always been an idiot, but I know he’s missed you,” she says.

You pull your eyes away from her, “Yea, well the fault lies with us both I guess,” you say.

She gives your hand a squeeze, “I know I am biased, but I hope you both work it out. I always hoped we would be sisters one day. But he is out back, feel free to head out. I’ll give you both some privacy,” she says.

You nod and turn toward the back door which leads to the patio in the yard. As you take a step onto the patio, you see Bucky fiddling with the lawn mower, not sure if he noticed you entered the yard. “Who was at the door Bec?” he asked, assuming you were his sister.

“I told you awhile ago to get a new mower,” you say.

Bucky sits up quickly at the sound of your voice. You see the relief and fear in his eyes when he locks his with yours. “Y/N,” he says softly.

He gets up and wipes his hands on a rag before walking up to the patio, where you are. He motions toward a chair, one you recognize since you picked it out. He grabs a beer our of a cooler and motions to you, silently asking if you want one. You shake your head in response as he closes the cooler and sits next to you on another empty chair.

“I didn’t know if I would get a chance to talk to you again,” he says softly.

You look at him for a moment, as he fidgets in discomfort. “Yea, I, uh, had a lot on my mind, but... I wanted to speak to you, as I have questions that need answering,” you say.

“Anything you need to know, I will tell. Something I should have done when we first talked,” he said looking down at the ground.

“Well, first did you tell your sister what happened between us?” you ask.

He looks into your eyes, “I told her there was a misunderstanding and that it was all my fault. He yelled at me for a long time. You were always one of her favorite people, and when I told her you were gone, she knew I messed up,” he says.

“Bucky, why didn’t you come find me and tell me what really happened?” you ask.

Bucky’s eyes widened, “I tried. I did. I went to your friends, your parents, your sister. You had told them all what happened and none of them would tell me where you went. I tried to explain but they wouldn’t believe me. I should have tried harder, but I thought you would never believe me. It’s a lame excuse, but yea,” he said defeated.

“Why didn’t you tell our friends the truth. Even Steve, you left out the real reason Nat was there. Why?” you ask.

He sighs in defeat, “I didn’t feel like it was my place to out her. I know you should have been first priority, and I know I should have either pushed her to tell her or just tell everyone, but I... I didn’t want to be a bigger asshole than I already was. Steve knew it was my fault, and I assumed he told everyone else what he knew since he cannot keep a secret, but I guess I was wrong. I’m--”

“Sorry, yea I know,” you say annoyed. 

Bucky looked down, fighting the tears, “Y/N, if I could go back in time, I would have done things so differently. I hate that I ruined this, and I would do anything to fix it. I still love you more than anything. I.. I want to marry you and have babies with you. Everything we ever planned, I still have planned for you and me. I know you care about Thor, but do you still have any feelings for me?” he asks.

You knew the question was coming. You have avoided it, even with yourself, but now the time has come to face the giant elephant in the room. What were your feelings for Bucky. You looked at the man who you once loved and adored more than anything. You see the sorrow in his features and the anger you have felt toward him lessen.

Tears start filling your eyes as you nod. “Yes,” you whisper, “Yes, I still love you. I think I will always love you, but my anger kept it hidden. I- god I still dream about you Bucky. You were my life! You were my everything!” You say as the tears flow down your cheeks.

Bucky has tears falling also, “Oh Y/N I love you. I love you so much,” he says as he kneels in front of you, cupping your face in his hands.

You continue to cry, releasing all the pain you have held in for 3 years. You wrap your arms around Bucky’s neck and cry openly. Bucky hides his face in yours and does the same. After awhile you both seem to calm down and pull away.

Bucky holds your face and contemplates kissing you, but hesitates. You look from his eyes to his lips, but don’t move. He wipes your tears with his thumbs and caresses your cheeks. You close your eyes and lean into the contact.

“So what does this mean? Are- are you willing to try again?” He asks softly.

You open your eyes to look into his, seeing the worry in them. You know you have to be honest, “Bucky. I love you. But I really need to time to think if I’m still in love with you. I have Thor to consider and he has been amazing over this last year. I-I don’t want to hurt either of you,” you say as rears again fall from your eyes.

Bucky nods and releases you, standing back up to create distance. “I love you more than anything Y/N, but if you choose Thor, I will accept, respect, and honor your decision,” he says.

You stand and pull him into a tight hug. You feel him melt into you. You pull back enough to place your lips on his in a soft kiss, shocking him.

“Thank you. I promise I will make a decision soon,” you say.

Bucky pecks your lips one more time before letting you go. His heart hammers in his chest. The fear of losing you again bring him to point of begging you to stay. He finally got you back. He finally told you the truth.

But was it enough?

--

Part 8 / Part 10

Sorry this is taking too long. I have a feeling I know how I want to end this after writing both conversations, but I’m not 100% sold. I guess we will see. Feedback is appreciated.

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[wisteriabookss]

My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me. 

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. 

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts. 

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it. 

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand. 

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . .  chile um anyways let’s move on. 

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes. 

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit. 

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word. 

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing. 

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away. 

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot. 

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

[burnedbyshoto]

i’d like to preface this with this is my opinion and only my opinion. you are free to agree and disagree with what I say and point out my idiot takes too. I also do very much love uraraka though, she’s a cutie.

uraraka ochako is an interesting character. she’s definitely not one of a kind, never seen or done before, but if hori is taking her character in the direction where im assuming it’s going, I think it’ll be fucking sick as hell. after all, I don’t want female characters who are physically strong — that’s easy to write and easier to write off — I want emotionally and internally complex female characters and this added element is definitely a way to get her there.

her biggest character complexes are revealed and can stem off of a single relationship of hers. that with himiko toga.

there are a lot of parallels between uraraka and toga. from the get go, the most obvious one being their feelings towards izuku. their crush, their obsession with him. 

I do apologize now about the frantic scatteredness of this because I am no meta writer, but im trying to piece this together in a logical way.

himiko toga’s background was revealed to us in the war between the LOV and the MLA. she was someone who, most likely due to the influence of her quirk, lusted over the blood of people she liked. now, through the horrors and need to be normal, togas family forced her to be “normal,” to hide her true self and feelings from the rest of the world because it wasn’t accepted. she does not hesitate to speak about how she hated having to keep her true feelings in, how she was deceived by the world into being someone she’s not. so now, she gives into her crushes, her obsessions, her wants, and her needs. himiko toga’s most memorable traits is her admittance to wanting to become the person she loves the most.

how does this parallel to uraraka???

easy.

who does uraraka want to become :)

upon uraraka’s initial introduction she was brought as a character who held nothing back, someone who was to become a hero because of the paycheck, not because she wanted to save people. she didn’t care so much as other people, she cared more about her family. 

now, there’s nothing wrong with this of course! shes 16 -- 15 then -- years old, and possesses the ability to do as she pleases. no one in bnha is quite as ambitious and self-sacrificing and heroic as izuku is (which is a whole other problem but thats for another time), and that’s okay. you’re not supposed to have the integrity to throw your life away for strangers at 15, it’s okay to be selfish.

however, where things start taking the twist with uraraka is the simple question brought forward by aoyama. a simple question if she likes him.

its interesting already that he asks her this, especially given what uraraka is thinking when asked. at this moment, she’s trapped and is thinking of what izuku would do in this situation. this occurs right after the sports festival arc where uraraka denied izuku’s help in facing off bakugou, where she watched izuku break his entire body to save shouto, and where she began to develop some sort of feelings and emotions for izuku during the calvary battle.

now, why does this matter? well, the turn down of izuku’s help and her ability to perform soundly against bakugou tells me that she probably didn’t ever need to wonder just what izuku would do against her battle with thirteen. the beginning of her feelings (whether they are true feelings or just straight up obsession) towards izuku gives her that tie with toga, and just for lols, toga enjoys seeing a beat up, busted izuku and well, uraraka got to see him busted up post shouto fight.

so when aoyama asks his simple question, suddenly uraraka is vividly aware of her feelings towards izuku and loses her concentration and flies straight towards thirteen and etc. while I don’t mean to be like,,,, there’s only one way to do things, but I find it hard to believe a 15/16 yo girl couldn’t tell that her feelings for izuku were romantic at that point... so yeah lol.

I did say true feelings or obsession in a previous paragraph, and I will now dive into them.

as uraraka continues to progress as a character she also changes the reason why she’s a hero. it becomes identical to that of izuku who becomes a hero to save everyone, and similarly, uraraka says the same. but, in order to do so, she must suppress her emotions/feelings/obsession for izuku in the time being because shes not an idiot and knows she doesn’t have time for that relationship and midoriya ‘I-have-a-death-wish’ izuku doesn’t either.

we see from togas experience that suppressing and hiding your true self/form only does you wrong in the end too.

interestingly, uraraka also changes a bit of her hero costume to imitate that of izuku. again, there’s nothing wrong with imitation because izuku’s entire career is based on imitation and making others original moves his own, but uraraka’s is always focal to that of izuku. 

izuku this. izuku that. what about izuku.

he’s a common name to her thoughts, which can be normal to that of a highschool girl with a crush, her suppression of her feelings and desire and clouded judgment for izuku is her undoing, and her crazy parallel to toga.

toga used to suppress her blood lust for the sake of appearing and being normal.

uraraka suppresses her crush on izuku for the sake of appearing and being normal.

toga loves to imitate, replicate, and become her crush.

uraraka imitates, replicates, and wants to be like her crush.

togas use of imitation is seen as a bad thing.

urarakas use of imitation is seen as a good thing.

toga is no longer trying to be someone she’s not (minus her use of her quirk).

uraraka is trying to be someone she’s not (her want to be like izuku).

in chapter 289 we see their interactions, how toga dances and weaves around uraraka as we try to get an answer about why uraraka believes in the things that she does, and while she’s honestly not wrong in her explanations (again she’s 16 and by no means should be perfect. toga’s overall convoluted approach on her entire question wouldve confused me too) she’s emulating and mimicking midoriya izuku. 

urakaka has grown complacent, she has become someone she isn’t and in her daze to be something she’s not, she’s suppressed and frantic. she’s become a character that people are questioning because where on earth did the girl we once knew go?

I can’t say much about her true feelings and whether or not how she feels for izuku are real, but I firmly believe that if hori is doing what im thinking, there’s going to be a lot of self-reflection and possible realizations that uraraka might not truly have a one-sided crush on izuku and for the meantime become someone she wants to be, much like toga is finally someone she wants to be too.

but thats just me lol.

~

twitter thread I read. I don’t agree with all of it, but most of it!!!!

i do apologize if none of this made sense, i’m not quite good at explaining my rationale ;-;

[lassieposting]

Hi i havent read the books post-resurrection so im kinda lost on why you dont like phase 2 val? She was easily one of my favourite characters ever, she was flawed (and the books took time to acknowledge them) and relatable and still really admirable (intelligent, brave, loyal) and i really liked her and really appreciated that she wasn’t perfect unlike every other young adult heroines. What went wrong😢😢😢😢

Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut because I very strongly dislike phase 2 val and I know it bugs people who don't feel the same, so. Dead dove dont eat

Okay so first off, phase 1 val and phase 2 val are completely different people. literally. phase 1 val was based on an ex-friend of lardo's who used to apparently be involved pretty heavily in like, editing the books and "she'd react like this" or "val wouldn't say that", and that val she was one of my favourite fictional characters from when book one came out to the release of resurrection. phase 2 val is based on his whiny little girlfriend who likes to start shit with 14yos on twitter, and you can absolutely tell she is no longer the same person. so the long story short of "what went wrong" is "the original irl val's friendship with dirty laundry ended for whatever reason and he decided to retcon her entire personality to suit his gf"

Phase 2 Val, in my opinion:

Weak, like won't even fight back when she gets jumped bc boo fucking hoo she's so awful, bitch get up already, nobody signed up for ur pity party

Whiny. So fucking whiny. All the time. And she's the POV character so it's inescapable.

"Pacifist" but in a really pathetic virtue-signalling kind of way like "Oh, I've done such terrible thiiiiiiiiiiings I'm so awfulllllllllllll look how good I'm trying to be nowwwwwwww pay attention to meeeeeeee" kind of way, it was both boring and a massive eye roll. It's a book about magic and asskicking. Kick some ass. We're here for escapism not "realistic" whining. Yes, irl she'd be a mess. As an author it's his job to strike a balance between the "realism" he wants to portray and making his readers so depressed and done with his heroine that they quit reading, and in my case, he absolutely failed.

Everything must be about her at all times. Skug is having personal problems? Fuck him, they're about her now. Everything is about how it affects her, and her feelings, and be damned to the person actually having the problem. Fucks phase 2 val cain gives about anyone except herself: 0

Bitter and jaded. Which yeah I get why but it's like jesus christ what do we get out of reading about this? It's not even good bitter and jaded where it makes you empathise or admire her strength in adversity or whatever, she's just become a really nasty person with no redeeming features that I could see. Which? Landy outright said she's based on his gf? If your boyfriend is gonna drag ur entire personality through the dirt like that and write "you" as just a collection of incredibly negative traits...yikes.

Really ungrateful about the awesome life she leads? Which bugs me bc I fucking hate mundanity and knowing that all there is to life is fucking working and bad mental health. I would kill to live her life. All she does is moan about it. Like? Quit then. Fuck off back to being a mortal if it's that bad and live the shitty life you wanted to get away from in the first place. That way we'd get no more books, and quite honestly, thank fuck for that. But anyway, she needs to pick one, stick with it, and stop complaining about whatever she chose.

The girl wallows in self pity. And if someone else isn't indulging her enough, she'll wallow harder and louder and more obviously. Yawn.

Her POV is now so depressing to read that Resurrection literally tanked my mental health. I'm not kidding. I fell off the self-harm wagon, the suicidal thoughts came back, reading her dissociating would make me dissociate, I just did not cope whatsoever. Being in her head was just like being in my head during my worst points, and I hate myself, so naturally, I hate her too. Like I get why some people like phase two val. I get that her depression is "realistic" and that trauma does just make some people completely dislikeable and self-pitying, and if people want to read about that, then...sure. you do you, my dudes. But I live that reality, I am that person whose trauma made her a dysfunctional, isolated bitch, and I hate, passionately, having it infest the media I consume to escape.

Essentially if I wanted to engage with a bitter, spiteful, depressed piece of shit in her 20s who pushes everyone away and sucks at everything, I'd live my gd life. Yall see me tryna engage with my real life? Hell nah I'm on tumblr dot com burying my head up the ass of whatever fandom will force my brain to produce some s e r o t o n i n and that is what I need this series for

Also? The dynamic she had with skug in phase one? "Until the end"? "You save me, I save you, that's how we work"? Forget that, it doesn't exist anymore. I stopped reading after Midnight, because she was written like he was a coworker she could barely tolerate. They went from "Lardo confirms on twitter that they talked on the phone a bunch while she was in america and he'd always ask her to come home" to "she comes home and proceeds to blank him for five months while she sits in her fuckin multimillionaire's mansion feeling sorry for herself". Their friendship completely disintegrated, they were totally separated for most of the book, she's written as not giving a single shit about him. She treated him like dirt, and their dynamic basically felt like it was becoming "Local Man With History Of Gravitating Towards Abusive Women Makes Same Terrible Choices For Fifth Time" and? that was the point of no return to me. he supports her unconditionally, no matter what he's going through at the time, he's walked on broken bones to try and get to her when she was in danger, she can tell him anything and he'd never use it against her. I did not, for one second in phase two, believe she felt the same about him. tbh it felt like she could - and wanted to - drop him at the first opportunity and not even feel bad about it, and that's not the dynamic that made me so emotionally attached to phase one. i signed up for "until the end", not whatever bullshit phase two has going on.

Apparently she's "less depressed" now and their relationship is "better" in the books published since midnight, which! might well be true. but I haven't read them and don't intend to, and she's gone from one of my favourite fictional characters ever (which! was impressive! because i almost never bond with the female lead - i normally get attached exclusively to the character i crush on, which would be skug here. val was the first female lead i actually cared about since xena! so im deeply salty about losing her!) to a character i? honestly prefer to pretend doesn't exist. i live in war era dead men/generals crackship land because that way, i don't have to acknowledge her or the fuckin character assassination phase 2 pulled on her.

so yeah, no hate towards phase one val at all. phase one val was awesome and flawed and gave me something to aspire to despite my shitty mental health and trauma, and if she'd kept her original personality she might still have been those things. but the original "real life" val is no longer involved (and doesn't talk to landy at all anymore, apparently), and the val based on landy's insufferable gf? i cannot get behind her at all ever, four for skug and none for phase two val cain bye

(tldr; you're not missing anything by quitting after spx)

[themoonlily]

i totally agree with your “eowyn and the men in her life” post. i saw the original post and was like wtf! but im pretty sure that user isnt an eomer fan either from other posts, so obv they have their own viewpoint which makes him look like a jerkass which he certainly not. i love eowyn, but that post was total bs.

and id like to add on that i personally feel that eomer was under too much pressure what with wormtongue, his uncle, the danger of his country being on its own and falling never to rise again against the enemy, the loss of theodred later on - to scrutinize eowyn despite the depth of his love for her. i rather think he took eowyns manner as her dealing with all the aforementioned, not anything else

like i said before, i love eowyn, but i 100% feel that eomer’s sufferings and struggles are constantly downplayed compared to eowyn. she goes through so much, but so does eomer! and he has the added burden of becoming ruler of a country that was nearly lost. he doesn’t get as much sympathy because he didnt breakdown, and he’s not a badass rebellious FEMALE character in a male-dominated world.

Thank you for your messages! I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who’s on Éomer’s side. 

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, of course, there’s no question about that, but I’m a bit disgruntled with talking about “losing nuance” and “doing disservices to characters”... and then doing just that by ignoring the details that don’t fit the agenda. 

But like I said and insinuated in my post, it’s not a fair judgement of Éomer or any of Éowyn’s male relatives and it doesn’t take the whole to consideration. I’m not by any means an authority on mental illness and depression, but it’s a strange assumption that depression is always something you can and should be able to tell about a person, even if that person is a family member. I can tell you there is an enormous burden of guilt in learning someone you loved was suffering without you knowing and I don’t wish that to anyone. It’s heavily implied in ROTK that Éowyn kept things from Éomer “out of love” and because she “was still bent on her duty”, which in my mind would signify she also concealed her despair. And, like you said, at that time Éomer himself was under a lot of pressure and I would rather cut him some slack. 

At any rate, portraying him as a careless jerk hardly seems fair or compliant with canon. Surely, he can easily be seen as this very masculine type, but he's not toxic about it; he's constantly saying things like "he was talking only as people do in his land but he'd gladly learn better", he openly shows his tears, he cares about and loves his family and friends and isn't afraid to say so, he goes batshit crazy when he thinks his sister is dead and is beyond relieved when she is alive after all... and after all that, he’s still letting Éowyn go to have her new life far away from Rohan, although it effectively means that his whole family is gone and is a huge sacrifice for him. He does go through some pretty intense shit and must have had some very heavy expectations laid on him since he was young, and he doesn't get much recognition for that.

Éowyn is important, because many themes of LOTR are entwined in her arc, and because she's one of the few women who get in spotlight. I get why people are interested in her and she completely deserves it for multiple reasons. Women's stories are and have always been important. It's fine if you'd rather focus on those! But that interest should not, I think, mean regarding men and their struggles in a worse light than they deserve (or pitting women against men for no practical purpose).

ETA: you could argue Éomer does have a breakdown, if you take his mad charge over the Pelennor fields to account. His bellowing “Death! Death take us all!” does seem rather suicidal, and keeping in mind the circumstances, you have to wonder at how much he has already endured until that point, and continues to suffer. Tolkien was keen to say he was not writing an allegory, but thinking of his experiences at the First World War, and of the grand battles he wrote, I think characters like Éomer do deserve sympathy for the battlefield trauma they must have felt. 

[cblgblog]

If you had to rewrite the Marvel Universe how would you rewrite it?

I mean, hell. That's quite the thing to consider.

I would undo Frigga's death for sure, because I hate it and she was awesome and fuck the manpain nonsense. Same for Gamora and Natasha.

I would erase and redo every Tony thing post Iron Man 3, because from AoU on, they seemed determined to wipe out every last shred of positive character development. I would also have him and Wanda actually interact, because good God was that a wasted opportunity.

I would make it so Vision had more screentime before his death, particularly as it pertains to his relationship with Wanda. It's much more fleshed out in Wandavision, but before that, it always felt a little rushed.

Don't kill Kilmonger. Like, it was such a waste to kill Kilmonger. Especially now that we're dealing with the awful reality of Chadwick being gone. But even assuming we lived in the good timeline and he was still here, they shut off so many interesting story possibilities by killing him off.

Give Rebecca Hall the role she was supposed to have in IM 3 because oh my God does this franchise love wasting female talent.

Betty Ross. She's a person who exists. It shouldn't take 10+ years to remember that.

I know this is a rights thing more than a creative choice, but in a world without red tape? Give Hulk another solo film. There's like, there's a lot of backstory with him that would be so interesting if done well. And on a purely personal note? Make it so Norton never left. I'm in the minority, I know, but I much prefer his take.

Let Peter Parker star in his own films.

Bring the Netflix shows into the MCU.

I'd honestly make a Disney+ show that was just, everything that happened in the 5 year gap. Doesn't even have to involve the big guns, the ones who are already done with contracts. What was it like for everyone else, people we know and people we don't? Did Cassie Lang lose all three of her parents in one go? Who was ruling Wakanda with the king, princess, and Kilmonger all dead? They were gonna do outreach anyway. How much of that was continued after the Snap? Did they double down on their efforts to help the world, or were they thrown into so much of their own chaos that those things were put on hold? I'd do a show like that, that fills in the gaps of B and below level characters, maybe introduces us to new ones.

Make the dumping of Hydra's secrets in Cap 2 and the Accords in Cap 3 actually matter.

Give me a show about Maria Rambeau founding SWORD. Preferably one where she doesn't die a lame offscreen death.

That Black Widow movie? Give us that back in 2013.

Bring Sharon Carter and Hope Van Dyne in on the airport fight in CW. In general, don't ignore Sharon for years on end

So yeah, nothing terribly original here, I'm aware, but that's off the top of my head. I'm sure I could write a whole dissertation on the subject, given enough time.

[astrologista]

Kristoph Gavin Character Analysis I

Part 1 of... fucking infinity, I hate this bitch so much lmao.

Well, it's Halloween time and I just thought, why not. So let's answer this question.

What makes Kristoph Gavin a scary character/villain? A soft spoken gentleman with a deadly secret... the Devil, who lives in his hand, that crazy evil scar thing, his creepy music theme... damn, he’s a scary dude. But scariest of all? His psychology, as we all know. (This is mostly gonna be headcanons. but ya know what, I have a license (hands you a piece of paper that says ‘i can do what i want’))

Kristoph seems like a person who is very aloof, particularly when it comes to personal relationships. At first he kind of just seems like the typical anime glasses guy whose main emotion is like whooa he does the glare thing with his glasses sometimes. But... what is he really about?

You know, let me digress for a moment, what's really interesting to me about the AA characters is how much depth they have in their writing. Case in point, Adrian Andrews. There's a character who you assume is just going to be the typical "anime glasses girl" who is a career woman who don't need no man, and is very aloof, cool, and as she says, not concerned with irrelevant topics or things. Later you learn about the true depths to her personality. The fact that she is codependent, that she needs other people telling her what to do in order to survive. Just because she masks these emotions doesn't mean they don't exist. I felt that really gave a lot of depth to her character and added another dimension that stories in this genre don't often address as boldly or fully (especially when it comes to a female character). So the quality of the writing is always really top notch with only a few exceptions. Take this as context...

Now getting back to Kristoph Gavin. Typical anime glasses dude, right? But no, though. One of the reasons why he's so interesting to me is how his emotional understanding of personal relationships really works. Or seems to, anyway. Based on the endgame testimony and his crimes, Kristoph Gavin is extremely dangerous because, should you get involved with him in any way, he will never, ever let go of you, ever. Once you are entangled with him he wants you to stay entangled, not unlike an overbearing parent who refuses to let you go. It's partly that he thinks he knows what's best for you (that is, to stay completely loyal to him). And also partly... because he is pretty dependent on what other people think of him. So he needs to keep them around him closely.

Kristoph's biggest fear was his lying being exposed for what it was. That Phoenix was really the honest, straightforward attorney, and not him. Kristoph would do anything to perpetuate his own false reality. He kept it going for seven years. His absolute worst fear of all was losing his reputation. Being seen for what he truly was in front of others. He could never accept that. That fear drove all of his murders. Fundamentally, he sees himself as benevolent... when nothing could be further from the truth of how he was hurting everyone who had the misfortune of crossing his path.

Kristoph has a need to perpetuate this false identity of himself above all else. A very adjacent second goal to that is to keep all of his personal associates very close and under his control in order to keep the first goal intact.

Reject him and he will stalk you until you are dead. By his hand, or otherwise. Slight him, and he will get you at the first opportunity, case in point, Zak Gramarye. (He only had to get a quick glance at the guy and his fate was sealed. Turnabout Trump is a chilling case.) Replace him, and he will tear your life and livelihood up into little itty bitty pieces. He will then continue to stalk you aggressively for seven years while pretending he is your best friend. Case in point, Phoenix Wright.

Create false evidence for him and you become a loose end. So does your daughter. Like I said, just don't get involved with him. If he feels threatened, Kristoph Gavin will not hesitate to end you. It's definitely an obsession. I mean the first word that comes to people's minds when it comes to Kristoph usually isn't "obsessed", because he gives off the aura of being calm and uninterested. But he is, he's obsessed. You have to be obsessed to do what he did. This shit consumed his every waking hour, and that's what he won't admit. That he was so sick, he completely lost the plot. Phoenix was already living in his head rent free the day he ordered the forgery. And even though Phoenix wasn't physically present at the Misham trial and was only watching everything by video camera, you can bet Kristoph was seeing Phoenix. Hallucinating him, images of him. Probably multiple images of him. That's how obsessive. Imagine letting something or someone control you to that extent. Imagine thinking that you're so important, that Phoenix taking Zak Gramarye's case at all was meant to be a slight against you personally. (It's funny because Phoenix mentions not even knowing Kristoph at all until after the disbarment. So Kristoph's own logic in thinking that Phoenix was just out to shame him absolutely doesn't track. Ob-sessed, dude.)  

It's actually pretty astonishing that someone like Apollo made it out alive. On a side note, I really think Kristoph enjoyed having someone to mentor. He sought someone like Apollo out. Someone naive and new to the field for him to indoctrinate. And maybe I have a post about that later, cuz that's a whole 'nother barrel of monkeys right there. (It kind of involves Apollo’s naivete (also, daddy issues, hello.) being a huge reason why he would gravitate towards having a mentor known for having a “caring” personality. And I think Apollo genuinely liked that about him, which makes the end result so much more awful for Apollo to deal with because to him, that was real.)

But now think of Klavier, right. Being forced to grow up with that. To live with that your entire life. To have a familial relationship that is that smothering, that suffocating, that strangling. That controlling, to criticize every single thing that you do or say right down to the way you say it. And remember... He's never letting you go. I would go on a world tour as a rock star, too. Anything to be anywhere he isn't. This is horror movie tier stuff. (now im imagining a horror movie trailer for aa4 focusing on gavins stuff... eep!)

And Kristoph Gavin markets himself as someone who simply doesn't care. He's the coolest defense in the west and he doesn't care for what you may think about it. Except... he does care. It totally consumes him. Your perception, your opinion, is everything to him. He has shitty self esteem, deep down, because he knows Phoenix is better than him. And tries to mask it with narcissism as the two duke it out. Appearances are everything, evidence is everything. What people think is true is the only thing that matters, truth doesn't. And it makes sense that his closest contacts and associates are the targets for his constant narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. Their opinions matter even more than the common crowd - of course, Kristoph hates them. Which makes it even worse for him when the jury decides unanimously that Vera is innocent (and by implication, he is therefore guilty). The jury verdict was kind of like the ultimate confirmation that guess what, the evidence doesn't matter. The common and boorish masses have passed judgement, no matter how "mindless, emotional and irrational" they are, even they can see behind his crappy little facade. Even a blind woman like Lamiroir can see that insecurity; even a common person can understand it just by looking at the facts. That's what absolutely wrecks him... that his “poker face” couldn’t hold a candle to Phoenix’s. And he loses the “hand” again (because of his “hand”... get it??).

The identity that he needs to maintain is part of how he sees himself in his mind. As Phoenix's protector, not as his stalker. As Klavier's benevolent big brother, not as his abuser. As Apollo's teacher and mentor, not as someone guiding him into ruin. He lives in a false reality.

Try to bring this up in any way, shape, or form and he will write it off. You're just imagining things...

Because at some level, Mr. Black Psyche Locks himself doesn't even realize. (I feel like that might just be basically canonical fact, based on Pearl’s explanation of how black psyche locks are supposed to work.) That’s pretty freaking terrifying.

At the end of the day this is a big part of the reason I think his character is just so interesting. In a very messed up way, Kristoph is one degree away from being such a good person. He could've been obsessively protective of Klavier - the way a big brother is supposed to be - instead of abusive, could've actually been very caring of Phoenix instead of manipulative. Terrible people can have good traits, just as good people can have awful traits. His attention to detail and understanding of psychology (like getting Vera those gifts she would like so much) could've been used for genuine good. He could've been someone who cares deeply about other people because he does care deeply about other people. But only in terms of their relation to himself, what do they think of him, how are they useful to him.

Maybe this is why I kind of like his character. Intelligent, semi-neurotic protective characters are just my ish. But, no, he has to have a narcissistic bent that skews everything into complete abuse. That’s what makes him awful... that he’s devoid of a moral compass or true compassion for other human beings.

So in closing, fuck off, Kristoph Gavin.

Postscript, he's also such a good foil for Phoenix for this reason. Kristoph does everything for himself. Phoenix does everything for Trucy, because he's a dad and he understands the weight of what it means to really care for someone. Kristoph couldn’t understand motives like that. And Phoenix can't help it if he's an order of magnitude smarter and more mature than Kristoph is. He was just born like that. Classy as fuck. You know what, Kristoph Gavin is like the dollar store version of Phoenix Wright as an attorney. Has many of the same functions but actually doesn't have a leg to stand on and will fail you when you need it. And is revealed to just be a cheap knockoff of the real thing.

[randomfandomimagine]

Kind (Jesse Pinkman x Reader)

Characters: Jesse Pinkman

Fandom: Breaking Bad

Tags: Reader Insert, Female Reader 

Warnings: Sad, dark, mature, drug mention, swearing, abusive home

Word Count: 1,5k words

Requested by @im-just-star-dust​: Hi, could u write about how Jesse finds a girl while at the methheads house from season 2? He befriends her and the little boy, and takes them to his house. Both children are almost mutes, so jesse teaches them how to speak, write and read. The girl trusts jesse since hes the only one whos nice to her other then her brother. The two form a close friendship, and soon a sort of unspoken romance.

A/N: This is my first BB/Jesse writing, yay! I shortened and changed your original request a bit to fit, but I hope you still like! Thank you again for requesting :)

A knock at the door interrupted your crying. Looking at your little brother, you waited and listened. The knocking continued, so you stood from the bed. Trying not to scare him, you smiled and stroked his head.

“Stay here, sweetie” You whispered, to which he only nodded. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to talk after that long.

Silently leaving the room and closing the door behind you, you stood in the livingroom. A figure moved slowly amongst the mess that was the floor. You were done trying to tidy it up, because the next day you found it worse than when you started.

“Yo!” The man shouted, and you sneakily moved to grab the bat leaning against the door. “Anybody home?” 

You noticed he wielded something in his hands before him, so you tried to take him by surprise. Emerging from the shadows, you swung your bat and knocked the gun out of his hands.

“Shit!” He muttered, covering his head once he was left unarmed. 

It wasn’t the first time someone broke into your house, and while sometimes they would just get whatever they wanted and run, they had never blatantly called out asking if someone was home.

“Wait, wait!” The young man begged you. “I wasn’t gonna use it! Yo, drop the bat! I’m not gonna hurt you!” 

You breathed heavily, but decided to leave off him. Not that you liked hurting people anyway. You backed off, still kicking the gun away from his reach. He didn’t try to retrieve it. 

Taking a better look at him, you realized he wasn’t that much older than you. He wore lose clothes and a beanie. His fair blue eyes studied you, and you averted your gaze, uncomfortable with his scrutiny.

“Uh...” He rubbed his shoulder, there where you had hit him. “Your folks home?”

You shook your head, still glancing at the ground. Honestly, you preferred to be home alone. At least that way you could have some peace and quiet. Even if the overwhelming helplessness never left you.

“When will they be back?” The young man tried again, but you only shrugged. “Okay, uh... Yo, what’s your name?” 

You didn’t reply, holding on to the bat so tightly that your hands hurt. 

“I’m... My name’s Jesse” He awkwardly told you. “Mind if I wait here?”

He got no reply from you, not even a gesture or a glance. Jesse sighed.

“You, uh...” Moving slowly, he reached out to take the bat from your hands. “You won’t need that, I promise”

You whimpered as soon as he came close, so he immediately backed away again. Holding his hands up, he apologized to you.

“Sorry! Keep it if you want, you...” His eyes looked you up and down again. “Jesus...” 

When you looked up at him to see what had alarmed him, you saw him taking his hoodie off. When he handed it to you, you were reminded of the clothes you were wearing. Old, tattered and literally falling to pieces. 

“Take it” He insisted, still not walking any closer. “It’s okay” 

Timorous, you reached out to take it, being careful not to brush your hand against his. You put the hoodie on and found a great comfort in it. It was too big for you, but it was almost new. And it was warm and cozy.

“I’ll just...” He awkwardly fixed his yellow shirt, which was also big and loose. “I’ll sit over there” 

You watched him as he went to sit on the couch. Just then, the door to the room opened and your little brother came out. Instinctively, you went to hug him against your stomach. 

“Man...” Jesse mumbled with a sigh. “Want me to call someone?” 

You could read it in his eyes, the meaning behind his words. He didn’t really want to say it in front of the kid, but... He didn’t mean just someone. The cops. He was already pulling his phone out of his pocket when you loudly whimpered.

He immediately looked up at you, noticing the panicked expression in your face. Pressing your brother tighter against you, you shook your head at Jesse.

“Oh” He muttered, peering at the two of you. “Right... I... Shouldn’t do that, huh?”

You nodded, slightly calmer seeing as he didn’t want you to be apart either. If the cops came, you would be put in a foster’s home. And they would separate you. You didn’t want to leave your brother alone after everything your parents put you through. He was too little anyway.

Gasping, you felt your brother escaping out of your grasp. However, instead of trying to hurt him, Jesse just curiously watched him as he went to turn the TV on.

That stupid knife program was on again, like always. The only thing you could ever watch. Your brother walked to the couch, too naive to be scared of a stranger. Hurrying to protect him, you sat down in the couch and put your brother on your lap. Your arms protectively fell around him.

Jesse, at the other end of the couch, stared at you. With the corner of your eye, you recognized the empathy in his gaze. 

“Yo, I, uh...” He began to say. “I just have some stuff to sort out with your folks, and then I’ll go” 

Still wary about him, you eyed him carefully. A friendly smile appeared on his face. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw someone genuinely smile, let alone yourself. It was... uplifting.

“I know you don’t even know me, but... You could come with me and I’ll try to help you out” His voice was so kind and gentle that it brought tears to your eyes.

Only bad people had ever come to your house. Thiefs, addicts, dangerous people. Ones that didn’t want anything to do with you, and if they did it was to get a hit. To make a deal with your parents.

“I mean, I get it if you don’t want to” He continued, still keeping the distances. “But man, fu... eff your parents” 

You continued to be quiet and check on your brother. He didn’t pay attention to the conversation, absently watching the TV.

“No?” Jesse gently insisted. “That’s okay... I get it”

Tears suddenly welled up in your eyes. You couldn’t exactly tell why, you were just overwhelmed. 

“I...” Jesse’s head whipped towards you at the sound of your voice. “Y/N”

“What?” 

“Name’s Y/N” 

“Yo... Good to meet you, Y/N” 

He offered his hand, still bearing a smile. You dared to take it. Gently, he shook your hand. He didn’t hurt you. You tried to hold back your sobs, not wanting to worry your brother. It was difficult, since you had been holding in for literal years. And now that someone showed you a hint of compassion and kindness, you crumbled.

“Hey...” Jesse whispered, gingerly putting a hand on your shoulder. “It’s okay”

You sniffed as silently as you could, being strangely comforted by his hand kindly rubbing your arm. 

“Y/N” He softly told you. “How ‘bout I buy you a burger after, huh?” 

You gawked at him, the tears freezing in your eyes. Was he really that nice? 

“Yeah! As soon as I talk with your folks, I’ll take you and your lil bro to have a bite” He smiled to reassure you. “Whatcha say?”  

You nodded your head, feeling excited for the first time in forever. Going out, eating a warm delicious burger. It sounded so good. 

“Yeah? Cool” Jesse squeezed your arm before letting go of you, and you found yourself missing his comforting touch. “We’ll just-” 

He was interrupted when the door opened. The noise, as usual, brought a pit in your stomach. The loud voices had returned. Jesse tensed up as well. 

“Hide in your room, and take the kid” He urged you, kindly tugging at the fabric of the hoodie. “Trust me, c’mon” 

Knowing what business your parents got up to, you stood from the couch, carrying your brother. Not entirely sure what would happen, though, you lingered.

“Go, I won’t hurt them, I promise” He nodded his head to the side, and you knew that’s where the gun was left forgotten. “That thing’s empty” 

“J-Jesse...” You stuttered, hesitant to leave.

“Wait for me, ‘kay?” He warmly smiled. “I owe you a burger”

You nibbled on your bottom lip, truly hoping he was as kind as he seemed to be. 

After all, he had respected your space. Didn’t force you to talk, avoided swearing in front of your brother, gave you his hoodie and even tried to comfort you. You really wanted to believe in his kindness, so you did as he said and returned to your room.

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