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sirenjose · 1 year ago

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Your thoughts on the Identity Switch

Thanks to you…. I now really like Norton. I used to hate him because I have a vendetta against people taller than my 4’11 self but now I love him.

on another note, what are your thoughts on the Identity switch system? Looking more into Norton’s background specifically makes me wonder why Norton gets a hunter form. What does this represent? I know that there’s a lot of drugs involved but I always interpreted it as them unlocking a new personality or smth, one more attune to following the manor’s games and supervising it (hunter) and like the other just trying to leave (survivor). I’ve been so interested in Norton’s lore lately that now I’m in an existential rabbit hole in how survivors get hunter forms, why that is, and if it’s like some sort of curse or punishment. Why are these survivors getting hunter forms?

soooo many questions, IK. But like reading your theories and analysis at 3Am is my serotonin. As a new player purely interested in the game for its lore I am just excited to know more but can’t wrap my head around all these weird concepts cause, again, I’m new. Also if I spend the next hour reading more of your analysis I will not sleep so therefore I need to preface my curiosity with a timed endeavor. My question probably do3snt make sense but like uhhh yeaaaaa. You should totally make something on your thoughts on identity switch (especially for the survivors gone hunters) cause I am too far in deep into the Norton-Campbell-Fool’s-Gold-Alternate-personality rabbit hole.

I’ve never done the questioning thingy before so sorry if this is not how it works. G’day!

Ah, it makes me happy to think a nobody like me can turn your thinking around on someone. Especially Norton since he was 1 of the main reasons I got started with the lore at all. I'm someone who usually plays a game based on how interesting the story or characters are, so I was interested in learning about idv's lore soon after I joined (had to take quite awhile to figure out the basics of the game and what all the various buttons were, then take some more time to get used to it before I could even get started with the lore). Was the main reason why I went looking to join places like Discord or Reddit, just so I could find people talking about the story.

Started by just understanding what I could about what people said, but then I eventually moved on to trying to understand at least the basics of everyone's backstories (once again, took me awhile to do that ^_^; Especially as I joined before we were getting all that much story at all). While I was doin this, I heard a lot of people saying bad stuff about some character named Norton. Have to admit I didn't know who he was for quite awhile. Wasn't in my radar. Can't even say I cared much for him. But I eventually got to the point where I basically decided I wanted to see if I could determine if Norton really was that bad or not (maybe as a challenge to myself, maybe because I wanted to find out myself rather than just hearing other's opinions, or maybe because I failed to find anything really in-depth about him).

That analysis took a ridiculous amount of time. In part because I ask too many questions, because I'm a perfectionist and wanted to look at every bit of info on him and detail on him, but also somewhat because I ended up writing this like a persuasion piece, and felt the only way to do that was by going through everything to back up my conclusion (whatever my research turned up). Which was also why I analyzed every single essence he had a skin in, as well as any skins not in an essence, his accessories, emotes, etc... It was during that process I actually got attached to Norton. Probably because of how long I spent going through him (no one needs to know how long it took... only the immense joy and desire to collapse I had when I finally finished).

Since then, I've rewritten his analysis... 3 times now I think? Counting after hunter norton's release? Though I've taken down that 1st version due to issues, and haven't reposted my essence analyses as they're old (they were pretty much the 1st analyses I wrote, and I'd like to think I've improved since then) as well as because they're based on the 1st version of my norton analysis... and because they're probably a bit needlessly long and thus embarrassing... Maybe I'll repost them once I get around to rewriting them. I definitely will eventually at least for Soul Catcher's and Magic Item Keeper's essence because I have to say they took longer than almost any other part of that original (complete) norton analysis (i can never forget the trouble they caused me over how long it took to understand them).

ANYWAYS! Ignoring my stupid rambling because who cares about any of that.

I was going to include my answer to your question about Identity Switches but it’s starting to become a little silly in length ^_^; (seriously, for those who know me well enough, I have a bad habit of writing more than I initially intended to once I get started) so I’ll make that a separate post for you, and you can let me know if it answers your questions (once I post it). If not, feel free to ask any more of your questions.

Honestly, the lore is confusing even to those who aren’t new players, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t wrap your head around a lot of this ^_^;

It’s hard for me to imagine my stuff is so good people are willing to read it, much less re-read it. Especially as I know people tend to prefer… shorter things, but I have tendency to be lengthy. I can’t help it though ;’) But thank you so much for the compliment.

And please, I’m still pretty new to Tumblr, so I’m still figuring all this out myself.

Anyways, don’t feel nervous talking to me or asking me any questions you have. I enjoy being helpful! So please, ask whatever you like. Or even if you don’t have a question, that’s ok too. I enjoy rambling about a subject I get started on, as long as the other person can bear with me ;’)

It’s always nice to know people besides me, myself, and I are reading this stuff.

(Apologies for any errors or nonsense in this post, as I decided to write it without double checking it for errors cuz I felt like being lazy, and I'm still busy writing out my thoughts about Identity Switches for you)

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sugdenlovesdingle · 1 year ago

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Inspiration weekend/ seven sentence sunday

thanks for the tag @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

I don't have any writing I can share at the moment (I'm working on my reverse bang fic that's due next week and I can't share anything from that before it's posted)

BUT I've fallen down an instagram algorithm inspired rabbit hole recently of American cops and their K9s (there is a dog called Radar that I've fallen in love with and his handler's name is O'Reilly! Radar O'Reilly! Like in MASH! and I encourage everyone to follow him here) and videos of them trying out different snacks with the dog and just basically filming their reaction.

Is it copaganda? Sure. But I'm not immune to a cute dog and these videos put a smile on my face - sue me.

This guy gets people from all over the WORLD to send him treats for the dog and then films his reaction. The dog wouldn't eat banana at first but this video is proof he's changed his mind. It's glorious.

Anyway, it got me thinking about a tarlos AU where Carlos is a K9 handler like this guy and a reluctant APD social media star with his dog. He made one video because his niece gave him some homemade treats for the dog, and oops it went viral and now people keep giving/sending him stuff for the dog and his captain is happy with the positive attention it's giving the department and encourages him to keep going.

Enter TK and Marjan who are bored on shift one day and come across his videos. Marjan is gushing over the dog and TK might just be a tiny bit interested in dreamy officer Reyes - but he won't admit it. Instead he just pretends it's all lame and really, he could make the same kind of videos with Buttercup.

Which he then does, with Marjan's help, and when she posts it, she tags Carlos. That starts a whose dog is cuter video challenge between them and eventually they decide to meet to do a video together. (With Owen and Carlos' captain pushing them to do so in the lead up to the annual red vs blue baseball game)

Marjan tags along and has the best day cuddling two dogs, while her idiot friend makes heart eyes at the cute cop - who makes heart eyes right back. She's considering how soon is too soon to offer her services to dog-sit for them for date nights.

When I finish my reverse bang fic, this is next on my list!

#tarlos #911 lone star #tarlos fic #carlos reyes #tk strand #inspiration weekend #tag games

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mariacallous · 1 year ago

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I was grabbing a drink with an old friend when it happened. I told her I was excited about an upcoming reporting trip to Vancouver, to interview Naomi Klein. My friend wrinkled her nose, as if the bartender had just farted. Then she asked why I’d give my time to someone who thought the Covid-19 pandemic was a conspiracy.

I sighed. Turns out, she’d been thinking of Naomi Wolf.

You know Naomi Klein, right? Rabble-rousing leftist journalist and climate activist? Author of Gen X touchstone No Logo and the mega-influential The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism? Decidedly not the former liberal feminist writer turned far-out Covid truther Naomi Wolf? But just because they share a first name—and, I suppose, are both telegenic Jewish public intellectuals who found fame through polemical writing—people confuse the two Naomis constantly. Klein gets mixed up with Wolf so much, in fact, a Twitter mnemonic was born: “If the Naomi be Klein you’re doing just fine / If the Naomi be Wolf, oh, buddy. Ooooof.”

Thus the basis of Klein’s new book, Doppelganger. Writing hundreds of pages based on the Twitter discourse surrounding your evil twin is, of course, a deeply questionable choice. Klein openly admits that her family and friends questioned her sanity. As she is quick to point out, though, Doppelganger is not really about Wolf. Instead, the book uses the experience as an entry point to dissect the “intellectual and ideological mayhem” of the Covid era. How wellness entrepreneurs demonize medicine. How the far right appropriates and warps leftist talking points. How parents insist on seeing their children as reflections of themselves. In all this, Klein writes, there’s a new doubling going on—weird fun house distortions of what used to be more straightforward realities. It’s a lively, slightly unwieldy, wholly vital work. It could only be hers.

Klein moved to the Sunshine Coast of British Columbia during the pandemic, a riotously beautiful nook of that vast province, where towns are nestled into fjords. It’s a place far more likely to be visited by orcas than members of the US media, and in the interest of saving me a journey on a ferry—you can only get to her home by boat or floatplane—Klein met me at her office at the University of British Columbia, where she codirects the Centre for Climate Justice. We’d intended to stroll around the sprawling, sunny campus, but the conversation kept such an intense clip, we ended up simply sitting for hours.

Kate Knibbs: Doppelganger is much more personal than your previous work. Why?

Naomi Klein: I thought it was really important not to be on the outside of this story, but to be inside, to fess up to my own disorientation. Having a doppelganger who a lot of people confuse me with is a type of losing oneself, and it provided a toehold into this larger and more interesting set of feelings, of being lost in a world we might not recognize.

You listened to conspiratorial podcasts for research, including Steve Bannon’s. Were you ever worried you’d get lost in those worlds?

I felt that way the first time I went to a climate change denial conference. I was a tiny bit worried I would start to doubt my own understanding of the science by listening to them. But the exact opposite happened, because it was so completely incoherent. One guy says it’s getting cooler. Another says it’s getting hotter—but the sunspots! Another guy says everyone should just get air-conditioning. That’s what it’s like listening to Bannon or any of those “intellectual dark web” types. You can see it right now with RFK Jr. He’s saying Covid was a bioweapon. This is also the guy who told people not to wear masks, not to lock down, not to get vaccinated. So which is it? Occasionally Bannon would have someone on who would claim that people were just dropping dead from the vaccine.

Like the whole #DiedSuddenly thing?

Exactly. What you start to realize is that these people are acting as if we were immortal before Covid. As if no one died from anything. What worries me more isn’t that I’m going to start thinking that the vaccines are killing us or anything like that. It’s that I understand why the things he’s doing are so resonant.

Why are they so resonant?

This is Bannon’s gift, sorry to say, and it’s how Trump won in 2016: by identifying a bloc of Democratic voters who had been screwed over by the party because they lost jobs to corporate free trade deals. So the offer was a counterfeit version of the left, which is what right-wing populism does. They were not rewriting trade deals in any significant way that would help workers. They were offering huge gifts to the already wealthy through tax cuts. But when people are desperate enough, they’ll go for a counterfeit.

I have someone close to me who has definitely bought into that counterfeit populism. It’s been hard to watch the change take place.

I’ve had so many conversations with people describing that feeling. It’s like watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

But I suppose we all have many competing, constantly mutating versions of ourselves. How do you think about your public persona now?

When we think about performing ourselves, we think about social media. For me, that’s Twitter [since renamed X]. And right now I don’t think any of us feel in control of whatever the fuck is happening on Twitter. But we’re still there, hoping to recapture something. I hope my relationship to my public persona is like my relationship with Twitter. I’m not really trying anymore.

Do you think there’s a way for you to have a conversation like this that’s truly authentic, or are you in some sense creating a doppelganger version of yourself to promote the book?

There’s always going to be some contradictions involved in hawking a book when you’re an anti-capitalist author. I’ve been living with that contradiction for a long time. I find talking to people exciting. I have ideas that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I had the idea to write No Logo while I was doing an interview with a student journalist.

Are your students influential in other ways?

One of the really nice things about being on campuses right now is that, if I was just getting my sense of youth culture through media, I’d think that all young people are constantly posing and performing themselves on Instagram. But it’s definitely a minority. A lot of young people feel alienated from it.

I get a lot of youth culture tidbits from my babysitter, which is how I know that super polished and posed Instagram photos are seen as a geriatric millennial thing.

They want it to look really authentic, to be messy.

I reread No Logo recently. It holds up.

Maybe not the Blockbuster references!

Honestly, we need to bring back your concept of selling out. I got in a lot of trouble on Twitter a few months ago for saying the Barbie movie looked bad. I love Greta Gerwig, but I don’t want to like Barbie! I hate the idea of a Mattel Cinematic Universe.

The thing that’s so clever is that it’s shiny and pretty enough to get the normie Barbie fans, but it also has so-called subversive content for the people who don’t want to like Barbie. It’s genius marketing. But the world is fraying. It’s an odd time for us to get excited about pink plastic.

Probably an odd time for me to be really annoyed about it, too.

No, I think it’s time to have some standards again.

Do you ever think about returning to that mode of criticism?

Just to keep you company?

To keep me company, and because efforts to turn cinema and television into capital-B Brands—the Marvel Cinematic Universe, most infamously—are so much more flagrant than before.

And also to keep us in our childhoods in a strange way. This is not kid content, it’s adult content, but it’s feeding on nostalgia for being 8 years old.

What’s a recent movie you liked?

Despite the critics hating it, I thought Don’t Look Up was brilliant. It was taking aim at the culture of narcissism and distraction at this most critical moment. It was broad, like all of Adam McKay’s comedies. But that was not the problem. The problem was that it was right.

Doesn’t everyone die at the end?

That’s the best part. He fucked with the Judeo-Christian trope that the righteous will be saved.

I do think it was broad.

Well, Anchorman is broad!

True. But I don’t necessarily want my comedy to be didactic. I just really don’t want it to be branded content from Mattel. There’s this amazing Canadian filmmaker, Sarah Polley, and she’s doing a live-action Bambi.

My grandpa worked on the original Bambi. He was an animator.

I read about this. Didn’t he get fired for trying to unionize?

He did. And they had the first strike at Disney during the production of Dumbo.

Have you been paying attention to the strike wave happening?

It’s exciting. I’m really glad that there’s the focus on AI.

What else interests you politically, right now?

I think it’s important to think about where the Covid denialism energy is going now that there aren’t vaccine mandates. It’s morphing, going in new directions, and it’s important to try and follow that.

Which new directions?

There are two main wellsprings the Covid denialism movement drew from. One was the anti-vax people. The other group was climate deniers. Now, when you post anything about climate change, you’ll get hit with “Davos elites, Great Reset.”

When we were talking earlier about how people take leftist ideas and make counterfeit versions of them, I was thinking about how that happened to the shock doctrine—your idea that global elites use disasters to push brutal policies to benefit themselves at the expense of the masses. People co-opted the concept to talk about the Great Reset, saying there was a global conspiracy to use Covid to strip away personal freedoms. Has this changed your relationship to your own ideas? Do you feel less ownership over them?

I’ve never felt I had that much control over my ideas in the culture. I remember Arundhati Roy saying to me many years ago, we can’t control what our words do once we release them. I have tried to correct the record and do my own writing about what I think the shock doctrine is and isn’t, but I think I’ve always felt a bit of detachment around it.

Jane Fonda started her Fire Drill Fridays because of you.

That was just getting somebody at the right moment of receptivity. That’s what Jane did. I take no credit.

Do you believe in the horseshoe theory? Are the people on the far left swinging far right because they’re attracted to conspiratorial thinking about Covid?

There are some people who have decided that Tucker Carlson is a great guy and Trump’s better than Biden. But most of those people I wouldn’t consider very left-wing. Someone like Glenn Greenwald. For a while, he seemed to be a left-wing person because he was against the Patriot Act and the Iraq War. But he was a libertarian upset about Bush-era government overreach. So it makes sense, when a government has to robustly respond to a pandemic, that a lot of those people got upset. I know some of these people—Matt Taibbi and Glenn Greenwald—I know that they are not deep left thinkers. We have to make the distinction.

Do you think there’s an incentive to shift rightward now to bolster one’s personal brand online?

Yes.

Could there be a positive incentive the other way? Is it possible to build up an ecosystem of independent leftist outlets?

Remember that idea? We need to invest in media, and not be reliant on quixotic billionaires to find one another. I think we need to get serious about independent alternative media and local media.

Meaning, like, a new Twitter?

The problem with something like Mastodon or the smaller Twitter competitors is that they’re not able to offer what Twitter did at its best, which was this feeling of we’re all having one conversation together.

I don’t know if there will ever be one main conversation again.

I wish Twitter could’ve been turned into a co-op. This is labor we’ve put into this thing. We all wrote for free!

A lot.

There was always something self-exploiting about that. Sure, we were able to share our articles and do self-promotion, but I always knew they were going to try to charge us. It’s too valuable.

There’s a co-op movement for media startups, where the writers own their outlets, but I haven’t seen the same thing happen for social media.

And the thing happening now with AI—it was one thing for all of us to be writing for free for Zuckerberg and Musk, but now it turns out that all of that content is being used to create doppelgangers of us by AI companies. Now that’s going to be used to put people out of work, or cheapen their labor.

It’s accelerating so rapidly. Big outlets are already putting out AI-generated articles.

This relates back to conspiracies and why they’re spreading as quickly as they are. It’s a dangerous time to give people more reasons not to believe what’s in front of them. Anything you’re shown now can be dismissed as fake news. “It’s not even Biden, it’s AI.” We’re barely glimpsing the ramifications.

In Doppelganger, you wrote about a South Korean politician who used AI to look younger.

The thing about the Korean example is, it was not hidden. Everyone knew. And it worked for him. So who knows? As our candidates get older, they may rely on AI doppelgangers. It’s being packaged as a way to reach younger voters, because they prefer synthetic reality.

Have you had discussions with your students about AI? Do they actually prefer synthetic reality?

Last semester, ChatGPT was really everywhere, and we were discussing how they were not using it to write their essays. I think we’ve overfocused on the plagiarism piece of things. It’s just one element within a completely unstable and frightening future. Maybe it’s helpful writing essays, but they also know it’s replacing entire sectors they may have been preparing for—between not being able to afford living in the city to the acceleration of the climate crisis to AI changing the job market.

I’m aware of at least one podcasting company hoping to use AI to translate podcasts into a bunch of different languages. It sounds cool, but then you think: What about translators?

The thing I find disingenuous is when you hear, oh, we’re going to have so much leisure time, the AI will do the grunt work. What world are you living in? That’s not what happens. Fewer people will get hired. And I don’t think this is a fight between humans and machines; that’s bad framing. It’s a fight between conglomerates that have been poisoning our information ecology and mining our data. We thought it was just about tracking us to sell us things, to better train their algorithms to recommend music. It turns out we’re creating a whole doppelganger world.

We’ve provided just enough raw material.

When Shoshana Zuboff wrote The Age of Surveillance Capitalism, it was more about convincing people who’d never had a sense that they had a right to privacy—because they’d grown up with the all-seeing eye of social media—that they did have a right to privacy. Now it’s not just that, even though privacy is important. It’s about whether anything we create is going to be weaponized against us and used to replace us—a phrase that unfortunately has different connotations right now.

Take it back! The right stole “shock doctrine,” you can nab “replace us” for the AI age.

These companies knew that our data was valuable, but I don’t even think they knew exactly what they were going to do with it beyond sell it to advertisers or other third parties. We’re through the first phase now, though. Our data is being used to train the machines.

Fodder for a Doppelganger sequel.

And about what it means for our ability to think new thoughts. The idea that everything is a remix, a mimicry—it relates to what you were talking about, the various Marvel and Mattel universes. The extent to which our culture is already formulaic and mechanistic is the extent to which it’s replaceable by AI. The more predictable we are, the easier it is to mimic. I find something unbearably sad about the idea that culture is becoming a hall of mirrors, where all we see is our own reflections back.

You reached out to Naomi Wolf and she didn’t respond. If she had responded, would you want to debate her?

I think it’s important to engage with what’s being said and marshal counterfacts. But the idea of just sneering at people is dangerous. I think we do need to debate, but whether that means creating some kind of theatrical Naomi vs. Naomi spectacle—I don’t know about that.

You could be second billing to Musk vs. Zuckerberg.

Anyway, as you know from reading the book, it’s not really about her. She’s just a case study. I follow her down the rabbit hole. But I’m more interested in the rabbit hole.

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brandyllyn · 2 years ago

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Tell me a secret, Brandy 👀

A secret? Hmmm...

So back in 2021 when I first started writing for Oscar Isaac I quickly moved over to Pedro Pascal as well - and like most of us queued up Narcos early on. It's a great show, but I wanted to know more about the background - the US Embassy that was the HQ for most of their work.

You see, Nonnie, I'm a West Cost girl. The US federal government exists to me as a vague thing over there where people wear suits with ties and sound like Aaron Sorkin. I wore jeans to my last three job interviews. This is obviously not my world.

But it interested me and down into the rabbit hole I went. Looking at both the past and present embassy staff and process. I discovered that it was called the Foreign Service - the diplomatic corps - and run by the State Department. I discovered that there were five different areas of interest you could apply in under and that the average time to get hired was about two years start to finish.

I discovered that the foreign service travelled the world. That they ran embassies, processed visas, reported on the host country, and maintained our diplomatic relations.

I discovered that there was a test to start the process and it was coming up fast.

This is mid-2021 by now and I was working as an attorney and I'm going to be frank with you Nonnie, I wasn't enjoying it.

youtube

So I took the test. I got a 192/200 and you also submit six essay questions which they look at if you pass (along with your resume) and then decide if they bring you in for the next phase.

I did not get invited to the next phase.

::disappointed face::

I went to a pretty dark place Nonnie, I have to admit. A bit of crying, some depression. But you know what? For the first time in my life I didn't give something up after failing at it once. I told myself I'd try again.

And I did.

In October 2022 I took the test again. I didn't do as well but I spent more time on my essays and narrowed my focus on my career track.

And I got invited to the assessment in DC.

The assessment is three parts: a group exercise, a memo, and a structured interview. I was an anxious mess leading up to it. I had three panic attacks. I nearly refused to get on the train to DC the day before (I always heard Maine was nice I could just go to Maine).

But I went.

And Nonnie?

I passed.

I still have to get both a security and medical clearance and my score is solid but not outstanding in terms of getting hired (higher scores will be hired before lower ones) but my chances are pretty good that this time next year I'll be a federal employee and on my way to serving abroad.

So that's my secret Nonnie. I chased a dream and it's coming true.

Foreign Service Office Selection Process

#about me #brandy writes

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loregoddess · 11 months ago

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Faye from FE for the ask game? :)

First impression: I didn't have any strong feelings for or against her, although I wasn't wildly keen on her writing for my first run, but in the "wow, the writers really messed up" kind of way and not like, "wow this character sucks" kind of way. I did like her as a unit though, she was pretty strong even though I eventually benched her bc I stopped using pegasus knights late-game (which was the class I had her in my first run).

Impression now: One of my favorite FE characters like, ever. Which started off as spite, I will admit, because she got a lot of hate from the fandom, but unlike so many other characters/games where fans criticize the writers, they just went straight for Faye as a character which was ??? bc like, what little writing she gets outside of her crush for Alm is Fine Actually, and again, she's a great unit in battle. So I decided that no actually I'm going to love this character, and then between critically reading her canon writing and coming up with my own headcanons and ideas for expanding her characterization, I ended up genuinely loving her a whole lot. Faye's great.

Favorite moment: This is hard bc again, *vaguely gestures at the game* she doesn't get a whole lot of screentime for anything, although I do appreciate that she comes to terms with her feelings towards Alm being unreciprocated, and is able to forge a friendship with Silque.

Idea for a story: Because I have this rarepair of Faye x Rinea (which was also born out of spite, I swear Echoes is actually tied for my top favorite FE game, I just also have a lot of spite in my heart I guess), I've been kicking around different ideas of how that could work in a mostly-canon but canon-divergent post-game story where Rinea is able to survive, and how Faye would help her along her healing journey while she also recovers from the war and comes to terms with her own feelings about Alm and stuff (and possibly have Faye help Sonya out with her witch recovery efforts in general), although I haven't gotten too far with any specific ideas to have a solid mental outline or anything.

A story exploring her life growing up with the other Ram kids would be pretty interesting too, although I'd probably get sucked into the research rabbit hole trying to learn about things like a complete history of farming and end up stressing about whether the fantasy farming village of Ram seemed like a legit farming community or not.

Unpopular opinion: I kind of feel like loving Faye is unpopular in and of itself, but yeah. Writing aside though, I do genuinely think Faye's a good character, like, from a visual design standpoint and also from a game mechanic standpoint, she's got a lot going for her. The writers did a poor job with her writing sure, but I think there's a lot of potential for her to be an interesting character in her own right.

Favorite relationship: Again, she doesn't get much, but I do like the friendship she has with Silque (and I don't mind the romantic ship of the two either even if it's not my first choice of ship for my own fleet), and I would have loved it if we got more insight into her relationships with the other Ram kids aside from Alm, bc I think there was a lot of missed potential there. Also, because Faye can be recruited to Celica's army instead, I would have loved if Faye had supports with at least Celica to explore what their relationship would have been like (I think they would have gotten along, even if Faye was a bit jealous of Celica at first). And well, of course my wild rarepair of Faye and Rinea.

Favorite headcanon: Hmm, I dunno if I have a favorite per se (since I mean, a lot of trying to expand Faye's characterization is just making stuff up that seems plausible), but I think since she was the only girl in a group of boys growing up that she's got sort of a rougher streak, like, she's willing and capable of throwing someone down in a fight, especially if they were picking on one of the other Ram kids (which could be reflected in her stats in the game, since she's pretty strong all things considered), and also due to Ram being a farming village she isn't really squeamish or icked out by things which some of the high born noble girls would have hated (bugs, dirt, mud, snakes, etc.). Like sure, Faye also enjoys wearing dresses and looking cute (she's very fashionable!) but she's also not really bothered by getting dirty and I'm very sure she probably picked up some critter out of Clair's tent one night with a slightly bored expression and released the poor thing outside. Hell, she'd even put some of the noble men to shame with her lack of fear of things that were normal everyday occurrences bc she grew up with a bunch of guys in a farming village (she's also definitely got some muscles as a result too). Also I think she makes all her own accessories by hand, and that she's overall very handy when it comes to sewing and crafts. I do think she's a bit of a picky eater though, not overly so, but just a bit.

#love my girl Faye #if I ever do get into writing fanfic I definitely want to write something for her #but I'm still sorta recovering my ability to write in general so who knows if I'll ever pick up fanfic writing #or if I just keep coming up with:#''oh this would be a neat story I'm gonna daydream about it instead of actually turning it into a story'' type ideas #might go and draw Faye holding a very angry opossum while looking bored though who knows #space-spring #ask game #I still don't have an ask tag

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an-obsessed-cactus · 8 months ago

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Ello ello ello!

honestly not sure yet what this page will be about(i do know i just don't want to admit to myself it'll be a random stream of consciousness à la James Joyce) but i thought I'd make a kind of introductory post about myself at least so here goes.(fandoms are listed at the bottom cuz at the heart of it tumblr is a place for obsessed freaks like myself). also I'm new to tumblr so its ways and etiquette are still unknown to me. but i will learn promise. anyway.

Name's Dorian/Bree(still deciding so take your pick and I'll see what sticks). I'm omnisexual aroace(went down the traditional pipeline surprise surprise) and go by she/her tho atm whole gender identity is kind of a mystery to me so that could change. edit: trying they/them rn to see how it feels

I'm finishing high school this year so my life'll be a bit hectic for a while(was for the last 4 years tbh). Cause I'm interested in one thing too many and can't make decisions to save my life and also cause I'm an anxious mess who can't relax, I'm taking a gap year. I'm planning on getting some rest to get back what remains of my mental health (which sadly ain't much but such is life). I'm gonna go travelling around a bit(rn pretty sure about Norway, UK, France & myb Japan) and honestly if I make any friends on here it'd be sick if someone joined me so that's always open.

Then next year, when I finish my soulsearching, I'll prolly go study sth cuz that's how the world works. I'd love to be either a writer or film director (or myb a therapist). My dream is to study film in UK(as a career writing and filmmaking is pretty much a tie, but filmmaking sounds just a tiny smidge more stable. Not giving up on writing in the least, but I feel like studying is more necessary for film than writing?) I love watching series and films not only because of the story, but because of the way it's told. I love to overanalyze the storytelling, the characters and different dynamics between them(and honestly just everything about the film) or read others' post overanalyzing it, so a film/series(does that exist?) critic sounds like an awesome job as well. But I'd like to be in the middle of the making and tell my own stories. Cinema's a bit sad in my country (non-existent more like) so studying abroad sounds like the only real option if I wanna make it in the industry. It's also an opportunity to meet more people interested in the stuff that I am so hopefully it works out. Fingers crossed 🤞🤞

Obviously, if one's obsessed with cinema, you can hardly avoid falling down the rabbit hole that are the fandoms. I'm currently fixated on Good Omens and would love to find some humans I can discuss it with cuz my irl friends(tho I love them with all my heart) just don't go temporary insane over fandoms the way I do.

I get random moments of revelation about other fandoms as well, so here's a list:

Good Omens

MCU(pls no spoilers post Wakanda Forever. I'm kinda runnin a bit late but I'll catch up I promise)

Sherlock

ATLA

MLB

Star Trek

TOH

Lucifer

Megamind

Umbrella Academy

BBC Merlin

Hannibal

Stranger things

Witcher

TVD(was my first real fandom so it still persists even tho I'm not really into it much anymore)

myb some more that I forgot

I'll prolly be adding stuff here as I figure out what I wanna talk about, but one of the things I'm working on is getting rid of perfectionism so this is it for now. I tried to keep it brief but that obviously hadn't worked out lmao. Could be worse(much, much worse)

#introductory post #intro post #introduction #about me

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seidooreiki · 11 months ago

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The Story of Park's Marriage Contract (2023)

Okay, here we go. I didn't expect this drama to leave such a deep impression inside me... I simply tried to watch it because "oh, the premise sounds interesting" then I went into a rabbit hole.

What I'm really surprised was, I cried from the first episode. I remember how the past Tae Hae left me a deep impression just like how Yeon Woo was longing for her late husband. But this drama touched a trope that has been bugging me for years watching reincarnation drama. The future Tae Hae doesn't want to be the replacement of the past Tae Hae, that is what the future Tae Hae points out to Yeon Woo before their relationship goes further. And Yeon Woo admits that she sees him as different person no matter how both Tae Hae are so similar.

At first, I'm really happy for that trope, because despite being the reincarnation, both Tae Hae are different people.

But the last episode of this drama broke me like nothing else would. I really didn't expect for Yeon Wo to go back to Jeoseon, met her husband there and severed their marriage there. It broke me to piece and I'm reminded that I cried for the past Tae Hae in the first episode.

The past Tae Hae doesn't do anything wrong (he just did what he thought the best given the situations), he is simply unfortunate because Yeon Woo already gave her heart to the future Tae Hae, not him. Not even the striking similarity and his sincere approach waves her, and it broke me. The past Tae Hae, while having better end than the previous time line, still ended rather tragic because Yeon Woo refused to give her heart to him until the last moment.

The fact that not even how the past Tae Hae saw his future self doesn't wave her and she stays firm to the end, with his love being unrequited forever.

This is what I really love but also hate for this drama. I'm amazed that Yeon Woo stayed true to her heart and differentiated between her (ex) husband and her future lover. But my heart broke for the past Tae Hae because boy, he is really simply unlucky.

I mean, if only Yeon Woo can comfort him for his last moment, maybe I won't be so broken-hearted like this, but again, that is what I love and hate from this drama.

I think the past Tae Hae also deserves love, even if just a little, from Yeon Woo. Rather than him only being the bridge of how Yeon Wo and future Tae Ha can be reunited again.

If the drama left me unsatisfied, then I should just write it on my own. Right. Let's do it!

PS: But it is just me hoping to make a fanfic about this drama but whether I have enough motivation to do is a different matter

#the story of park's marriage contract #kdrama #my rumble #this is me wishing to write another fanfic #but I don't think I can #park yeon woo #kang tae ha

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v1smokewife · 1 year ago

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who is this person - chapter six

On a quest to find love on a dating website, Sanji falls head over heels for a woman with an interest in...alternative relationships that sends him down a rabbit hole of completing tasks for a seemingly sadistic mistress. But what happens when she turns out to be more than what she seems?

Zoro pretends to be a female on the internet to talk to Sanji and bad things happen.

Darkfic with themes of internalised homophobia, bad bdsm practices and lying about your identity to strangers on the internet. Please read with caution. This is NOT how BSDM should be practiced. Always practice Sane, Safe and Consensual practicesboarders on being considered dead dove do not eat material

read on ao3

authors note; Hello!!! I’m so excited to be writing another chapter! I have a clear road map for the ed of the story which I’m really excited about. So, I hope people are still enjoying. I think I got lots of comments in the last chapter which is so funny considering there’s very minimal sex in it. This chapter goes into slight dubcon (I mean as slight as a coerced masturbation and feminisation scene can go) and very clear manipulation. Also, it’s entirely Sanji’s POV. The next chapter will be entirely Zoro’s POV.

LOGGING IN; S POV

Sanji would have hoped that Zoey would have started talking to him by now. However, it had been a few days, and she hadn’t replied. He texted her every morning and every evening. He didn’t press anything. Asked her about her day and told her about his day. He tried to pretend as if the conversation hadn’t happened. Sanji hadn’t thought more about what she had asked him as her kind of hoped that the conversation would go away eventually. After all, if he had to even think about having sex with men again… his skin crawled but he didn’t want to admit the possibility of anything other than complete refusal.

Anyway, during those three days, Sanji went about his days. Unlike last time, he didn’t overtly show that he was upset. The last time that happened, Zeff was really pissed at him for it, so he decided to pretend as if everything was fine, and everything was okay. After all, surely this was just a minor thing. Things would be good soon. He remembered the last time when she stopped speaking to him, she only stopped speaking to him for a day and that was it. They were totally fine afterwards.

But by the third day, he was becoming desperate. He was currently sitting spacing out in a café whilst with Nami and Robin. Although he is making conversation, he’s not as chirpy as he normally is. No inappropriate flirting across the table...no nothing. He looks tired and Nami clearly takes notice of this when she stops talking about Vivi to talk to Sanji.

“Sanji…you don’t look well,”

The voice of Nami came over his depressive thoughts as he looked up at her. It was another day with himself, Robin and Nami out for tea. Like the other time, Sanji kept looking at his phone, but Nami noticed something else. He wasn’t as…upbeat as normal. He seemed a little depressed. She was beginning to suspect Zoro all over again especially after the last time that they met but Sanji seemed worse. Something was genuinely bothering him. He seemed like he wasn’t happy about something and wasn’t making as much conversation as he normally was. He seemed sad.

“Me?” He replied, trying to force a smile. “Why would you say that? Can’t I have a day where I’m not upbeat and happy Nami?”

Robin looked at Nami. Last time this happened, they had some hidden beef. Nami just looked concerned. She looked like she wanted to say something but then Sanji said something again after he realised, he came across kind of…well, a little rude. He reached into his coat pocket for his cigarette case and lighter.

“Sorry...” He said, before reaching to light up a cigarette, “That was so rude…”

“It was,” Nami said but didn’t press further than he was willing to go but it’s well that Sanji seemed willing to share as he seemed to hesitate but then started to talk again.

“I’ve been having relationship issues...with Zoey,” It seemed to drop on all three of them like a pile of rocks. Sanji admitting to himself that things were not okay. Nami realised that both Sanji and Zoro had been lying to her and Robin...well, Robin had no clue what was going on, but she could tell by the tone of the conversation that it was big. It sounded like it was serious.

“Sanji...” Nami wanted to say something about how he promised her she wouldn’t date Zoey, but Nami knew that Sanji didn’t need that right now. She also knew that the right thing to do was to tell him, but Nami needed proof. She needed proof that Sanji was being catfished by Zoro.

“I’m sorry. I lied to you. I know you didn’t approve but...” Sanji looked at her and forced a smile, “The heart wants what it wants... and I want her,” Nami’s heart could have broken at his words. She looked at him with a soft expression. She couldn’t be mad at him...even if he was being more than careless. This right here was senseless. How could anyone just believe a woman online like this without wanting to see her first? It was absolutely senseless to Nami.

But the possibility that Zoro has been manipulating Sanji all this time. But what did Zoro gain from it? Last time he said it was a mistake. He can’t say it’s a mistake anymore.

“No... it’s okay, Sanji,” She had to say something. Screw proof. She needed to be there for her friend, and she knew it was the right thing to do. Sorry, Zoro... “Sanji I...”

“I’m going to go back to my apartment, I think. I suddenly don’t feel in the mood for coffee...” Once again, like before, despite Nami trying to get him to say, Sanji lay money down for the girls before heading off out the café. Nami couldn’t stop him, and she just watched the door with sadness in her heart.

Would she really expose her best friend like this? Zoro had been her best friend for years, but he had lied to her. Suddenly, she felt Robin’s hand on her arm. Robin’s expression was kind, albeit confused. Nami had refused to tell her last time. Could Nami really keep her in the dark again this time?

“Now will you tell me what’s happened?” Robin asked.

Nami considered it. It really wasn’t any of Robin’s business and Nami felt tears come to her eyes. Sanji is being played with and it’s her fault because she could have told him sooner. She rubbed her eyes, looked at Robin and sat down. It took her a minute to compose her emotions before she turned to Robin with tears in her eyes.

“It’s my fault Robin,” She sighed, “Sanji...I know who Zoey is and it’s not who Sanji things it is. It’s Zoro,”

“Zoro?” Now that seemed to surprise Robin, “How do you know this?”

“I saw it on Zoro’s phone,” She said, deciding whether or not she told Robin the full story but maybe Robin could help in some way, “I... knew from the beginning. Remember when you were first suspicious...I knew then but Zoro promised me he’d stop, and he didn’t... Sanji is going to be so mad...”

Robin didn’t try to dispute it. She felt like she would be mad about the same thing but it’s too late for that now. Especially when their friend was being manipulated, “What can I do to help?”

“I need to get Zoro’s phone away from him...but that’s going to be impossible,” Nami said but Robin quickly waved her hand to say otherwise.

“Not impossible,” Robin had an idea it seemed, “Zoro goes to a club. It’s...a bdsm club,” Nami was about to ask how Robin knew that, but Robin was smart enough to put two and two together, “I... might be able to distract him and take his phone away from him. I might get Franky involved. Franky could probably break into the phone so we could get the information we need...”

Nami stared at her. Oh, Robin was good, “That would be amazing. I’d rather have proof. Thank you so much,”

“We were planning on going tonight. Zoro said he is a regular so I can almost guarantee he will probably be there,” Robin nodded, “I... I don’t know why he would do this but last time I seen him, he was acting strange about his phone...I never thought anything of it. Anyway, I’ll help you,”

The ladies agreed on a plan and paid for their lunch before going their separate ways. Nami felt determined despite the lingering guilt. She would do anything to bring an end to this...even if feelings get hurt in the long run.

—-

Sanji couldn’t take this anymore. He was longing to talk to Zoey. He tried to play it cool by not putting too much pressure on her and by trying to get her to speak to him without the pressure of talking about what had happened, but it didn’t seem like it was going to happen. He rushed home and headed back to his apartment before going to the living room. His fingers quickly, as if by muscle memory, went onto Zoey’s messages with the him scrolling to type the messages. The last few messages had been fairly standard. He had been trying to get her into a normal conversation, but he couldn’t do it anymore. Desperate times called for desperate measures, so he tried to talk again.

S: Hey.

S: Can you please talk to me?

S: I don’t know what I’ve done to make you so upset with me.

S: But I’m sorry regardless of what it is. Please. I want to make you happy again….

He was beginning to feel desperate. He missed the attention. He missed the way that she used to make him feel. The way she made him vulnerable only to throw all her praise at him. The way that she made him feel so hot. He didn’t care that the tasks were humiliating. He wanted her to humiliate him and push his limits.

He needed her. He didn’t know if he could live without her much longer which was why he didn’t even wait for her to reply before he wrote more messages.

S: I’ll do anything to show I’m sorry. I’ll have a threesome with you and another guy if that will make you happy. I’ll do anything right now to show you I’m sorry.

S: Please Zoey. Please. I need you.

S: I don’t care what you want to do. If you want to humililate me, make me beg for your forgiveness, make me do something really public...I will do anything to make you happy Zoey. Please. I want to be yours forever. No one has ever made me feel this way before. I’m all yours, body and soul.

Just as he was about to type one last thing and stop for the day…suddenly, a speech bubble appeared to show that she was typing. He could have cried. Cried of happiness because she was finally listening to him. She was finally at least willing to talk. Maybe she’d tell him just to fuck off, but she was at least going to hear him out. Suddenly, the message came through and his heart stopped. It was Zoey and she replied to his little rant.

Z: Anything?

He breathed out a breath of relief.

S: Anything? Please let me make it up to you.

Z: …

Z: Fine. I’ll give you one chance to redeem yourself.

Z: You know the adult store in down? The small independently run one.

S: Yes. I know the one.

Z: Good.

Z: I’ve just made a purchase under your name. Do not open it until you get home.

Z: Go get it. I’ll tell you want to do with it when you get it.

S: Okay. I’ll leave now.

Z: Good boy.

This was ominous to say the least. Was she not going to tell him what it was? Also, had she been planning this all along? It seemed like a quick turnaround for her to buy something that he was going to collect. Regardless of all that, he was running on the adrenaline that she had accepted his apology, and she was going to go through with this whole thing again even if he didn’t know exactly what it was, he was going to do it to get back in her good books.

A serious rose-tinted glasses moment.

The embarrassment he felt inside the adult store was ungodly paramount and he was so glad he could get out of there quickly. However, even with the awkward conversation at the desk, he still had no clue what was in there other than apparently, he had made a great choice. A great choice on what? He didn’t exactly know but apparently, he had made a great choice, nonetheless.

Thankfully unlike the first time, there were no awkward conversations going on at the store with someone he knew. He couldn’t help but remember the time in which he seen Vivi in the store. Although, it made him think back to earlier on with Nami and Robin. He wished he had continued to lie to Nami, but Nami seemed mad. Mad enough to insinuate that Zoey wasn’t real and was the figment of some sick imagination. How would Nami even know that? And Zoey has repeatedly always send pictures of herself. All consistent and match the things that she had told him about herself. How could she be fake?

Going back to his apartment, as soon as he entered the door, he could hardly wait until he was opening the bag. He placed it onto his bed and got what was inside the bag and…he felt a little surprised. About? Well, he wasn’t sure what item he felt more surprised about. Was it perhaps the dildo or was it the lingerie set?

He could only guess what the dildo was far. It was large…like really big. He felt his face heat at the realisation that she likely wanted that inside of him. How? It was absolutely massive. About 6.8 inches at least and really thick. He really had only had his own fingers inside of him and he was used to that. He enjoyed that at the very least but having that thing inside of him? How was that going to work out for him?

The lingerie set? He had to only guess but…surely…surely not? There was only one way of knowing that and that was through asking her.

S: So, I got what you asked.

S: What was your idea?

Z: Good boy.

Z: I want you to take another video for me.

Okay seemed all good. Sanji was willing to do anything at this point but when he saw her next words, it made him stop for a few moment.

Z: I want you to dress up for me in the lingerie and film yourself fucking yourself with that dildo.

Z: In front of a fairly large window.

They weren’t strangers to semi-public stuff. She had asked him previously to film while in a public changing room and he’d done it but…his apartment was on top of Zeff’s restaurant. Everyone knew Sanji was somewhat of a son to Zeff… if he was caught.

S: Okay wait.

S: The lingerie set and in front of the window?

S: I’m fine with using the dildo but…. the other two?

S: It’s Zeff’s restaurant under my apartment…if people see...

S: Do you understand?

Surely, she could understand what he was asking. If anyone, his colleagues or heaven forbid, Zeff saw, he was going to bring so much embarrassment to Zeff and well, everyone. Zeff had done so much for him throughout the years, and he would do a disservice if he embarrassed him like that.

Quickly, Zoey wrote back.

Z: You don’t have to do it.

Z: But I won’t forgive you if you don’t.

Z: Because clearly, I don’t mean that much if you're not at least willing to try.

And it made matters worse. The window in question was at the front of the apartment and right underneath was the Baratie. Honestly, who would be looking up at him? He was trying to mull it over in his head what he should do. Honestly, he really didn’t know. He felt as if he was stuck right now. He finally had the chance to make her happy and have her back but…not like this.

S: Okay fine.

S: How long do I have?

Z: An hour as normal.

Z: Starting now.

Okay, that was plenty of time to get into it. Plenty of time to get into this but he couldn’t help but feel that deep feeling of confusion in his heart. There were aspects of this he was deeply uncomfortable with. If someone saw…

He was wasting time. Plus, would Zoey really try and ruin his life like this? He had told her multiple times that his dream was to become a sous chef. He wanted nothing more than to be that but if he even dared to embarrass Zeff like this…how would he do that? Plus, Zeff has done so much for him over the years. Zoey knew all this. They spent hours talking about it. She knew how important Zeff was to him and how he’d never intentionally upset him but… he didn’t want to upset her further.

His hands moved to the bag to run his hands over the lingerie set that she had bought him. Never in his life had he ever thought about wearing something…this is what women wore. Men shouldn’t…this was so embarrassing. It was a beautiful set though. The material didn’t feel cheap either. It wasn’t the kind that would break. He wondered how Zoey knew his size without even meeting him in person. He didn’t really know what to think about that.

He supposed he’d have to start. He’d already wasted time thinking too deeply about it and he didn’t want to upset her further by not doing it in time. The time restraints in the past had been fun but this time it felt cold and unwanted. He started to unbutton his top and let it fall to the ground before unbuttoning his pants. All the time, he wanted if she really met the full set. Bra included? He didn’t even know how to put something like that on.

But he didn’t feel right asking her questions. He had already bothered her enough.

So, reaching for the set, he began to put it on. The bra…he had no clue. He’d watched women put it on before, but he didn’t know how to put one on himself. He pulled it over his head and adjusted it…as if he had anything to give support to. Then next came the panties. The lacy blue panties. What was so weird was that Zoey seemed to know his exact size because everything seemed to fit very nicely even if it was made for a women. There was that pit…of something in his body.

He can’t possibly be aroused over wearing lingerie.

Men didn’t wear lingerie and he was a man who never even thought about these kinds of…indecencies. No. Calling it indecent was a little unfair. Different strokes for different folks and all that. He didn’t think about it but recently…Zoey’s been making him think about it.

He caught himself in the mirror in his room and he couldn’t help but…stare. It was weird. It was like he was looking at someone else. Someone who wasn’t him. Maybe it was easier to feel that way. Like he was watching someone in a movie or in a show rather than himself. It would separate himself from the pressing issue that he was very aroused over this already and he honestly would rather not think about it. Not at all. Nope. He would rather just get on with it than think deeply about some absurd notion that he likes this.

So, he stops looking at himself. He makes a reminder to himself to ignore his appearance in the mirror. Anymore and he is going to have to think about it too deeply and he’d rather not do that.

Regardless, he adjusted it and made it as comfortable as he possibly could. He wasn’t going to even acknowledge the fact he was semi-erect already. Nope. Wasn’t happening. He refused to think about it.

Now, next was the dildo. He had never owned one on his life nor had he ever used one. He’d never even used it on a woman in the minimal experiences he has had with women. He knew that Nami had once confessed to owning a large collection. In his feeble (and admittedly rather close minded mind) he just decided that dildos weren’t toys that straight men used. And he was 100% straight so why would he use one? So, the fact that she bought him one was breaking down a preconceived notion he had. Although, she had already got him into being fingered. Something that was now a habit when masturbation. Who knew that having a G-Spot up there was so exciting?

This was just like that but with an object, right? He didn’t have to think about it deeply.

Anyway, Sanji grabbed it and then went to the bedside cabinet to grab the lube. Then…it was time to approach the window and set the camera up. It wasn’t as if Sanji was really truly obvious. You would have to really look up. He looked down below and seen people leaving and entering. If one of them really looked up and focused on his window. He had to just get on with it. He had enough time, but he wanted to prove his devotion to her.

So, he set up the camera and sat in front of it. Although the camera couldn’t see him, she could see by the light illuminating off of him that he was most definitely in front of a large plain window. In the background there was the light sound of people walking past. He pressed record and started into the camera for a second. He assumed that she didn’t want him to take off the lingerie. He sat with his legs spread so she saw everything from his already flushed face and the outline of his hard cock in his panties. Sanji was absolutely flushed, and he only realised how hot he felt already until he looked at her in the camera.

He went to grab the lube. He knew the routine by now, but he felt a little thrown off by the lingerie. He slipped his finger in the panties and made quick work of slipping his finger inside of him. His fingers were nice and long which he began to enjoy because he was able to find his own pleasure spot quite easily but that would not be the focus of this. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as it used to be. He grown to like it. Enjoy the feeling of having his hole stretched around something and having something stimulating him in another way that wasn’t him stroking his cock.

“Hm…fuck- “

He already couldn’t constrain himself from moaning as he was a lot more confident with fingering himself. It wasn’t painful anymore. Immediately, he pulled his finger out and then back in with a second finger which got a small groan of pleasure from him. He could only imagine how lewd he looked in the camera, groaning and thrusting his hips against his hand so his finger could get in deeper. He could only imagine how much of a slut he must has looked to Zoey. He didn’t mind behaving like a whore or a slut…especially when his head was becoming so fluffy and light headed with lust that he didn’t mind if he looked like a wanton whore now… as long as Zoey was the only one who got to see him like this.

He added a third and then a fourth finger. He was starting to get good at this and was getting good at spreading himself apart. Pity the panties were in the way and he couldn’t take them off or else he would totally let her see him stretch himself out.

He could have done this for a long time, but he knew this wasn’t the main attraction anymore. She wanted something more…something more and he was happy to give it. He had long forgotten about the window and the lingerie as he pulled his fingers out and then grabbed the dildo. The easiest way of doing this was pushing the panties to the side which he did, despite how hard they were pulling against his cock which was already leaking precum. He put lube on the dildo and then pressed the head against his stretched hole. It was cold and felt foreign, not unlike the first time he’d ever fingered himself for Zoey’s amusement.

Sanji braced himself, pressing the head in harder until it was engulfed inside of him. It was a different kind of stretch, and he winced as his hole sucked the dildo in more. It felt…weird to begin with. It was cold and foreign which he didn’t like but this was how it felt when he first fingered himself so maybe he just had to brace himself and go for it. Slowly, he pushed it in with winces and whines as he felt himself being filled in a way that he’d never felt before. It burned…and it burned more than he thought it would despite the preparation. Maybe he should have done more. He let it sit there for some time, with deep breaths so he could process it and feel himself adjust to the intrusion. Eventually he did, it started to…feel nice and his head felt really fuzzy again. He pulled the dildo out slowly until the head was only nested inside of him before he pushed it back in again. The head of the fake cock would press against his sweet spot which caused his legs to shake.

He was holding himself back with one arm and his legs were bent and spread giving her some view. He had long forgot about the window and the fact he was wearing women’s underwear. He felt too good. He felt far too good. Was he a little humiliated? If someone looked up, they’d see him behaving like a whore. In his mind, that fear turned into arousal. Was it the worst thing if they saw him behaving like a whore? Was it really? They’d see him all dressed up in women’s underwear fucking himself with a dildo. It shouldn’t be but the thought was so…arousing. The thought of being humiliated like that in front of everyone…well, it spurred him to thrust the toy in more and more.

It got to a point where he was able to push the toy in fully and let it bash against his spot causing his legs to shake and for him to thrust his hips up. God, he didn’t care about anything. He only wanted to be Zoey’s personal Porn star. Nothing had made him feel as good as this had. The fake cock stretching him open. It didn’t take long for a stray thought to come into his head.

“Would it feel even better if an actual cock was fucking me like this?”

And that stray thought was invasive like a parasite. It stayed there as he continued to fuck himself and cry. He was so close to cumming and he didn’t know he would be able to stop. Not if anyone saw him. He even started to wish someone was watching. Someone saw him behaving like a whore. How humiliating and wonderful that would be at the same time.

“Oh God….”

Nothing could have prepared him for the orgasm he was about to have. He clenched hard around the phallic object before thrusting his hips again. He came quite a lot, almost ruining the underwear he was wearing which almost felt like a shame. He thrust his head back as he thrust the cock in rapidly to fuck himself through the orgasm. It was wonderful. He didn’t want it to stop. He was almost crying real tears when it was happening. Nothing had ever felt better. He didn’t care about anything. Not Nami’s reaction to his relationship, not being a sous chef not anything. He wanted to belong to Zoey forever. Nothing gave him such bliss like this.

But eventually, all good things do come to, and end and they did come to an end here. Sanji felt back against the floor. The dildo sitting between his leg and the cum stained underwear still on. He only sat there for a second in absolute bliss until the things around I’m started to come to him. The sound of downstairs; he could hear the kitchen staff working, talking and arguing. He could hear the outdoors, people leaving and entering the restaurant.

That was when the guilt came in. The shame.

He reached for his phone. He could barely skim through the video. The reminder that he not only started to like the lingerie. He was enjoying the thought that he might be seen… and the humiliation. He wanted to be looked at in the way that someone might look at porn. He wanted to be seen in that disrespectful and disgusting way. How awful was that? He would never…

Or would he?

He trimmed off the start and the end and sent it to her. He lay there for a few minute. He focused on breathing as a weird feeling flood over him. A feeling of awfulness. What has he just done for this woman? And why did it make him feel so…good? He felt good in the moment, but the clarity of the situation hit him.

He didn’t know what he wanted anymore.

However, that was almost erased from his mind when he heard his phone buzz. He didn’t look at it right away, but he did after five minutes. It was her.

Z: Good boy.

Z: I love you so much. I forgive you.

Z: Will you meet me on George Street? Inside a bar called the black mask.

Z: It’s a BDSM bar. I think you might like it. I’ll be there at 8pm.

Z: What do you say?

And just like that, all of his doubts were wiped away when he saw she wanted to meet up. Everything that he had doubts of completely vanishing. Holy shit. He’d get to meet Zoey tonight. He at once typed up a yes before getting up. He had to get showered, and he had to put on one of his best suits. This was the thing he had wanted to most for the past week. He had to make it work tonight.

He just had to.

#one piece zosan #vinsmoke sanji #zoro x sanji #zosan #zosan fanfic #opla #roronoa zoro #one piece #op zosan

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septembersghost · 2 years ago

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I admit that when I send asks about content regarding TS & HS, it is not to push a “ship” agenda. In fact, I didn’t know they dated in ‘12 until Aug of last year. I’d seen news of her with JG, CH & JA before that time. Looking back, I enjoyed & was more familiar with her music but didn’t do the SM part. Lol, I wasn’t as familiar with 1D, but I did have a copy of their last CD. I hadn’t know they went solo until last year also. SM just gave details that changed my view of the narrative & music.

oh i understand! i'm never discussing it in a "ship" way either (and as personal preference don't think we should talk about real people in that sense, but that's different than discussing aspects of the dynamics that affected their respective art. my support of taylor and joe, and wishing for her/glad for her to be happy and healthier, is informed by what we know to be true through these six years and what she's plainly expressed in her music).

i was aware of the relationship in 2012 by virtue of being a taylor fan, but like i've said, i hardly knew anything specific about h at the time except very basic pop culture osmosis. i knew about the band by proxy too, including the later big events (z leaving, the hiatus, that they'd gone out solo), but nothing about them or their music. getting into that in a joyful way when h released lights up just made me interested as to some of what happened, and curious about context, especially when i read the interview where he mentioned the unspoken dialogue, and then i fell down that rabbit hole of information. 😄 it quite honestly made me appreciate 1989 more gaining some further understanding of where she was writing from at the time, which was really nice since that was the one album of hers i hadn't connected with as much (i love it now). SM just gave details that changed my view of the narrative & music. definitely - and that's only natural! we learn more information/details and with that knowledge we gain empathy and a clearer perspective and can adjust our thoughts accordingly. part of why something like midnights (or red tv) giving us further insight or re-contextualization is effective, because we can expand that feeling and have more of a grasp on the art. and tbh looking at artists' experiences and inspirations is a very natural part of engaging with art, so i don't think that doing that is a problem. also, regarding taylor, she knows we're aware of that journey and the stories, both voluntarily shared by her, and covered by the media, so she incorporates that into her writing rather than denying it or avoiding it, and i think she trusts us to be willing to hear that and understand it.

#that trust we'll understand mixed with the acknowledgement that we know things whether or not that's her preference #is very clear on midnights #anonymous #letterbox #don't worry anon i never thought you meant anything else!#thrown out speeches

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sencrose · 4 months ago

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literally nobody asked for this but i feel like yapping about random stuff about sapphire passion (mostly a lot of rambling about idols + a smidge of actual things about the fic lol)

think of it as additional commentary :'D

I. putting in way too much effort into the research

first off, i would argue i'm way more familiar with k-pop idols than i am with jp idols, esp. jp chika idols (16 yrs vs 1 yr lol) but it was really fun diving into the rabbit hole! anyways this is just a disclaimer that i'm still really new to (non-anime) jp idols so uh cut me some slack if i get some stuff wrong lol

anyways, i think k-pop fan meets have a lot less opportunity for intimacy (2 second hi-touches, group meet and greets/photos, short facetime chats.... you get my gist). fansigns are a thing but definitely not in the western sphere so i'll admit i kinda forgot they existed. regardless, it just did not pique my interest.

the whole idea of chekis really lured me in. if you're loaded/have the time/your oshi doesn't have much of a line, you can just. keep buying more cheki tickets lol. you make nice small talk, and you can build a rapport if you're a regular. pretty sure there was some twt thread a bit back about an idol who married her fan? and then some people qrt'd saying that it was a pretty common occurrence (not that i've fact checked it. another possible fic idea?)

another rabbit hole i fell down was trying to hear how loudly audiences chant depending on the gender majority, which was REALLY hard for some reason? there's a lot more fancams for female chika idols than there are for male chika idols, and when you do find performances for male idols, it's usually an official recording which cuts out all the shouts from the crowd -___- all i wanted to do was see if it was in chara of reader to be shouting and cheering intensely ;___; (i mean they would regardless, but. idk the rabbit hole consumed me)

also fem fans seem to move their lightsticks differently! usually more in like... a figure 8 wrist thing??? than the usual up down up down motion i'm used to seeing in wota.... lots of inch resting things..

in case anybody also wants to fall into the hole with me, here's some of the groups i now listen to on a regular basis teehee

lovesick (wagamama happiness + aisarefacedearitai are my faves bc i like chanting/mixing along with them! but if you find that's not your style then stalking love and erabare valentine are my other faves)

yumekuineon - i really enjoy their cover of kodokuasobi! (i think it's originally from touken ranbu? correct me if i'm wrong)

scapegoat - lobelia and nodoukaruma are my faves! also they're a bit more on on the gothic? visual kei? side? (i'm so sorry if i'm using those terms wrong, that side of jfashion isn't my niche)

all of the songs and groups listed above are also on spotify if that's more up your alley :)

II. ok actually on to the fic

im just gonna try and talk about w/e comes to mind in chronological order (sorry if it's not, i just be yappin)

i didn't describe the new stage outfit because i didn't have one completely set in mind at the time of writing. i did recently see these stage outfits from save point and i think this with light blue detailing + maybe an asymmetrical capelet is what i envisioned. very knight/prince-like vibes. that being said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you can imagine whatever you'd like :)

gojo does not know reader's name lmao. during the text messages, i made the conscious decision of not using "y/n" (or alternatives). i literally had it in there but took it out because i thought it'd be scummier if you fell for it hook line and sinker without realizing. (also i just don't like typing out y/n in fics if i can avoid it, personally)

the date scene was really hard to write, i think i scrapped and rewrote it like three times? i was contemplating between a naive reader (which i went with) vs a reader that started picking up on something not being quite right, but i just did not feel like i had the skill to pull it off nor did i know how to move the plot on from there? it's not the usual reader i write... here's a snippet of what could've been:

anyways moving on past the date:

“Not at all,” you gesture towards the case with your hands and a slight bow, a bit too formally for the situation at hand, “go ahead.” You swear his eyes sparkle as he looks over the case before settling on one of the light sticks. “Did you decorate this one yourself?” “I did! It was before you released official light sticks.”

In terms of decorating light sticks, that sparkly white inside? it's paper. you can remove it. my personal penlight just pops off when you twist it, there's not much resistance. you can decorate it with fake flowers, ribbons, sticker decals, whatever you want. some groups have official lightsticks, though they're usually the type of act to sell out stadiums. (forgot i was writing for a chika idol for a split second)

i think everything that comes after that came really naturally. penlights are phallic and approximately dildo sized. like what else was i supposed to do man.

iii. rejected titles lol

toru taiga! (not rejected, i just. thought about it after i posted it. rip. reference to kahen 3ren mix)

iettoru!/yes 'toru! (thought nobody would get it... another mix ref)

penlight passion (too on the nose? but then again i ended up going with sapphire passion...)

chekis and romance (like the wota move romance? but also the story isn't that romantic..)

all (six) eyes on me (thought i was being unoriginal/too on the nose)

fade to blue (placeholder title for a while bc i could not think of anything lmfao)

anyways that's all! if there's something i didn't cover that you're interested in, my ask box is open :'D

#sen rambles #sen REALLY rambles #after typing this out i think a super stacked gachikoi fan would really match gojo's freak (wanting to be taken care of)#anyways. i have never had so much fun writing a fic i hope it shows #now to log off and clean....... zzzzz

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jcmarchi · 4 months ago

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Letter Spacing is Broken and There’s Nothing We Can Do About It… Maybe

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/letter-spacing-is-broken-and-theres-nothing-we-can-do-about-it-maybe/

Letter Spacing is Broken and There’s Nothing We Can Do About It… Maybe

This post came up following a conversation I had with Emilio Cobos — a senior developer at Mozilla and member of the CSSWG — about the last CSSWG group meeting. I wanted to know what he thought were the most exciting and interesting topics discussed at their last meeting, and with 2024 packed with so many new or coming flashy things like masonry layout, if() conditionals, anchor positioning, view transitions, and whatnot, I thought his answers had to be among them.

He admitted that my list of highlights was accurate on what is mainstream in the community, especially from an author’s point of view. However, and to my surprise, his favorite discussion was on something completely different: an inaccuracy on how the letter-spacing property is rendered across browsers. It’s a flaw so ingrained on the web that browsers have been ignoring the CSS specification for years and that can’t be easily solved by a lack of better options and compatibility issues.

Emilios’s answer makes sense — he works on Gecko and rendering fonts is an art in itself. Still, I didn’t get what the problem is exactly, why he finds it so interesting, and even why it exists in the first place since letter-spacing is a property as old as CSS. It wasn’t until I went into the letter-spacing rabbit hole that I understood how amazingly complex the issue gets and I hope to get you as interested as I did in this (not so) simple property.

What’s letter spacing?

The question seems simple: letter spacing is the space between letters. Hooray! That was easy, for humans. For a computer, the question of how to render the space between letters has a lot more nuance. A human just writes the next letter without putting in much thought. Computers, on the other hand, need a strategy on how to render that space: should they add the full space at the beginning of the letter, at the end, or halve it and add it on both sides of the letter? Should it work differently from left-to-right (LTR) languages, like English, to right-to-left (RTL) like Hebrew? These questions are crucial since choosing one as a standard shapes how text measurement and line breaks work across the web.

Which of the three strategies is used on the web? Depends on who you ask. The implementation in the CSS specifications completely differs from what the browsers do, and there is even incompatibility between browsers rendering engines, like Gecko (Firefox), Blink (Chrome, Brave, Opera, etc.), and WebKit (Safari).

What the CSS spec says

Let’s backpedal a bit and first know how the spec says letter spacing should work. At the time of writing, letter-spacing:

Specifies additional spacing between typographic character units. Values may be negative, but there may be implementation-dependent limits.

The formal specification has more juice to it, but this one gives us enough to understand how the CSS spec wants letter-spacing to behave. The keyword is between, meaning that the letter spacing should only affect the space between characters. I know, sounds pretty obvious.

So, as the example given on the spec, the following HTML:

…with this CSS:

p letter-spacing: 1em; span letter-spacing: 2em;

…should give an equal space between the two “b” letters:

However, if we run the same code on any browser (e.g., Chrome, Firefox, or Safari), we’ll see the spacing isn’t contained between the “b” letters, but also at the end of the complete word.

What browsers do

I thought it was normal for letter-spacing to attach spacing at the end of a character and didn’t know the spec said otherwise. However, if you think about it, the current behavior does seem off… it’s just that we’re simply used to it.

Why would browsers not follow the spec on this one?

As we saw before, letter spacing isn’t straightforward for computers since they must stick to a strategy for where spacing is applied. In the case of browsers, the standard has been to apply an individual space at the end of each character, ignoring if that space goes beyond the full word. It may have not been the best choice, but it’s what the web has leaned into, and changing it now would result in all kinds of text and layout shifts across the web.

This leaves a space at the end of elements with bigger letter spacing, which is somewhat acceptable for LTR text, but it leaves a hole at the beginning of the text in an RTL writing mode.

The issue is more obvious with centered text, where the ending space pushes the text away from the element’s dead center. You’ve probably had to add padding on the opposite side of an element to make up for any letter-spacing you’ve applied to the text at least one time, like on a button.

As you can see, the blue highlight creates a symmetrical pyramid which our text sadly doesn’t follow.

What’s worse, the “end of each character” means something different to browsers, particularly when working in an RTL writing mode. Chrome and Safari (Blink/WebKit) say the end of a character is always on the right-hand side. Firefox (Gecko), on the other hand, adds space to the “reading” end — which in Hebrew and Arabic is the left-hand side. See the difference yourself:

Can this be fixed?

The first thought that comes to mind is to simply follow what the spec says and trim the unnecessary space at the ending character, but this (anti) solution brings compatibility risks that are simply too big to even consider; text measurement and line breaks would change, possibly causing breakage on lots of websites. Pages that have removed that extra space with workarounds probably did it by offsetting the element’s padding/margin, which means changing the behavior as it currently stands makes those offsets obsolete or breaking.

There are two real options for how letter-spacing can be fixed: reworking how the space is distributed around the character or allowing developers an option to choose where we want the ending space.

Option 1: Reworking the space distribution

The first option would be to change the current letter-spacing definition so it says something like this:

Specifies additional spacing applied to each typographic character unit except those with zero advance. The additional spacing is divided equally between the inline-start and -end sides of the typographic character unit. Values may be negative, but there may be implementation-dependent limits.

Simply put, instead of browsers applying the additional space at the end of the character, they would divide it equally at the start and end, and the result is symmetrical text. This would also change text measurements and line breaks, albeit to a lesser degree.

Now text that is center-aligned text is correctly aligned to the center:

Option 2: Allowing developers an option to choose

Even if the offset is halved, it could still bring breaking layout shifts to pages which to some is still (rightfully) unacceptable. It’s a dilemma: most pages need, or at least would benefit, from leaving letter-spacing as-is, while new pages would enjoy symmetrical letter spacing. Luckily, we could do both by giving developers the option to choose how the space is applied to characters. The syntax is anybody’s guess, but we could have a new property to choose where to place the spacing:

Each value represents where the space should be added, taking into account the text direction:

before: the spacing is added at the beginning of the letter, following the direction of the language.

after: the spacing is added at the end of the letter, following the direction of the language.

left: the spacing is added at the left of the letter, ignoring the direction of the language.

right: the spacing is added at the right of the letter, ignoring the direction of the language.

between: the spacing is added between characters, following the spec.

around: the spacing is divided around the letter.

Logically, the current behavior would be the default to not break anything and letter-spacing would become a shorthand for both properties (length and placing).

letter-spacing: 1px before; letter-spacing: 1px right; letter-spacing: 1px around; letter-spacing: 1px; /* same as: */ letter-spacing: 1px before;

What about a third option?

And, of course, the third option is to leave things as they are. I’d say this is unlikely since the CSSWG resolved to take action on the issue, and they’ll probably choose the second option if I had to bet the nickel in my pocket on it.

Now you know letter-spacing is broken… and we have to live with it, at least for the time being. But there are options that may help correct the problem down the road.

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