#but I CANT CONTAIN MY THOUGHTS
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It’s a good time to be a transformers fan guys!
Watched transformers one yesterday and I literally still think about it every waking moment.
It’s such a stunning movie, the story flowed so well! The action was genuinely incredible and let’s not even get started on the animation and art direction!!! Absolutely going to get the art book 100%
Personal favourites were some of the wide shots, and camera work. Sometimes it felt like they were imitating life action filming (blue eye samurai does that too :D it’s so cool!)
The acting was fantastic obviously! So much character! And ngl, Hemsworth and Tyree Henry did an amazing job playing the two big guys.
I enjoyed the humor aswell! Bumblebee was a bit much at times e but that’s about all I can say. He’s still endearing to me.
Did get emotional towards the end, I grew up on transformers but I’m unfortunately not as well versed in the deep lore as I want to be (wish I could point out every single reference and recognise characters in seconds but alas). I still thoroughly LOVED it, and am almost tempted to watch it again aaaaa
Please if you haven��t seen it, go watch it! It’s such a fun watch, even for folk who know next to nothing about transformers.
#Sorry#rare yapping session#but I CANT CONTAIN MY THOUGHTS#this movie was such a delight to see on the big screen#cybertron felt so alive!#if you couldn't tell#I love transformers a lot#you can tell that the people behind this movie love transformers too!!!#there was so MUCH#me and my buddy were probably the most annoying nerd in an ‘empty’ theatre#but that was the best part haha#we had such good seats!!!#just aaaaaaaa#I want to see it again!!!#transformers#transformers one#movie review#no spoilers
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‘home’
#dazai osamu#bungo stray dogs#shipping container lifestyle tbh#no tresspassing#bsd#dazai#i thought him living in a container was really interesting#its the ideal way to withdraw yourself#i also happen to enjoy gritty colors#cant find the quote to this#anyway i just wanted to visualize this in my head
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hi, vapor trails are a kind of cloud, have a nice day .)
#under the sun with kai#something about it is very inspiring. if vapor trails can be accepted into the cloud family then so can i find my place among people :')#this escaped containment so let me clarify: i am putting aside the airways' impact on the climate#i myself have only flown twice in my life and honestly cant fathom the number of planes crossing the sky every day#BUT there is something so lovely and human about vapor trails finding their place in cloud classification#something people invented to describe phenomena that occur in the sky -- but not just the natural ones#i think the word is 'homogenitus' -- created by humans. the one thing that sets it apart from just normal cirrus clouds!!#we made words to reflect nature but we also found we'd have to reflect ourselves!! and we did!! our words were sufficiently open & vast to#entertain the thought!!! ah. words. ah. people. 💛
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[ID: a digital drawing of sandra lynn and sklonda from fantasy high. sklonda is sitting on sandra lynn's chest in her underwear and caressing sandra lynn's face. sandra lynn is naked and holding sklonda's thighs. neither woman's face is visible as they're looking at each other. the background is pink and says, how did you get infected? End ID]
#sklonda gukgak#sandra lynn faeth#fantasy high#sklonda x sandra lynn#sklondalynn#*slamming fists on the desk* MIDDLE AGED YURI MIDDLE AGED YURI MIDDLE AGED-#no otps in fantasy high we die like polyamory lovers#anywayyy been rolling the adults again in my head and my word 2010 docs#one of those fics is such a mess and i love it so much i cant wait to give it love and care in the editing stage#i can simultaneously write sklonpok and sklondalynn and anything else i want. bcs love is real <3 (and fiction contains multitudes)#what was i talking abt. right#MIDDLE AGED YURI#i said it before ill say it again fantasy high is THE sapphic campaign in my eyes#and tho i didnt ship it at the time when i saw theories that sandra lynn got kalina's curse from sklonda i nodded my head and went yeah#makes perfect sense for the sapphic campaign. simplest route most sensible route ofc they had sex#i love being at that age where i watch things featuring kids and go awe cute. ok but now fr what is going on w their parents i NEED TO KNOW#im so invested in there npcs i need an excel sheet of their drama and hopes and dreams. i also need them to suffer#another aside bcs tags are for silly thoughts of the moment right. super proud of how the pose came out#im terrified of foreshortening and half the time ditch it when i try it but this time i kept at it and eventually got a result i liked!!!#tackling new horizons one step at a time#*huffing and puffing* middle aged... yuri... middle... middle aged yuri...
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary
"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.
Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.
One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.
Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.
The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.
Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?
A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.
But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.
As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.
The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.
Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.
"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.
"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.
But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.
"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.
"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."
Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.
"Huh��� Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?
Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...
"Hey, are you okay?"
The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.
"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.
But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?
The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.
The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.
"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"
"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.
The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.
It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.
Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.
Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"
Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.
"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"
"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.
"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.
"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."
"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.
While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.
"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.
The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.
The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.
A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.
That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.
The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.
Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.
It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.
It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.
Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?
The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.
"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.
Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.
Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.
He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.
Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.
A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.
It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.
Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.
Like a mouse to a snake.
This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.
The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?
Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.
His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.
A STARTLING RINGING;
Splits the moment,
Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,
As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.
Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.
"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"
Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.
Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"
Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.
"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.
Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .
As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.
The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.
"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.
"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."
The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.
"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."
"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.
He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.
#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED#I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh#THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON#but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl#ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway#yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him#what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B#okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or#misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect#LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!
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Gonna dump a bunch of my spiderverse stuff from the past week here, eat up!
#gonna contain my extra thoughts here in the tags#you can probably guess what im abt to say abt him..#HES SO GODDAMN PRETTY AGAGAGG I WAS ACTIVELY LOSINF IT DRAWING THESE I LOVE HIM#i see a man with long hair and i HAVE to put him in a bun ASAP#my hand hurt after drawing these bc i hand drew all the hatching but it was WORTH IIIIITTTT UHH#i want him so bad its insane#i cant remember the last time i was this normal about a single specific character#the spot#johnathan ohnn#jonathan ohnn#spiderman#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse
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the night circus is a fantastic book and i think has shot to the very tip top as my new favorite
what a beautiful and immersive bit of story telling
truly the best written thing i have ever read, and just the most wonderful story with the best pacing for the story within it and just fantastic characters
time to read the starless sea next, i know truly nothing about it besides it being a story about stories, and consider how great this story was?
erin morgenstern you are a fantastic author
#im gonna write a little review of it later but right now i cant contain my thoughts cause i am sitting here Feeling#the night circus#the night circus by erin morgenstern#moss reads
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A thing about me is if im gonna use a notebook for something it's going to get a Dedicated Notebook for that purpose and which i cannot use for anything else. Which means I have so many notebooks. Five of which are currently actively in use
#i need to go through and like just get rid of some of my old stuff#especially the notebooks that i used for like.. really old d&d campaigns#anyway my five current notebooks:#- jack rabbit notebook containing the entire first draft + notes#- notebook for the vampire story ive been picking at#- notebook purely for grocery lists + other random reminders and notes#- film journal#- book journal#as of right now only the vampire story notebook + the smaller grocery list notebook get carried with me everywhere#its kind of a lot but also... it keeps my brain feeling organized#when everything can get split up into their specific spaces#like the physical separation keeps it from all getting cluttered in my head too#its hard to explain! but especially like..#so many of my hobbies AND my job now revolves around creating and consuming media#but if im reading a book in the same time frame im watching a show and also playing a video game#i get like...overwhelmed. it starts to feel jumbled and like i cant retain any of it#it gets worse if ive also tried to write at all within that time frame#but ive found writing my thoughts down about media im reading or watching + keeping myself from binging#+ separating it all into different physical spaces (or tumblr tags! hence my 'q plays' or 'q reads' tags)#helps like...#a whole lot
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had this dream where instead of boops there was a red plastic straw and you would write down your 'biggest secret' but most people didn't write their biggest secret so there was just the select few who did
the straw would suck out the 'deepest secrets' then it would go on the screen for like, 5-8 seconds
instead of tapping 'opt out' you would have to tap this giant red button
#lol#lmao#random thoughts#thoughts#my dreams#ugh im tired#insomnia sucks#like why cant i just go to sleep???#there is a pregnant spider next to me under a container also#it still is not dead even though it has been there since yesterday morning
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doubled it for size but i saw a trc meme with this and had to draw it out
#reblogs turned off bc this is embarrasing and its 1:30 and i didnt put THAT much thought into the nicknames#so if theyre silly i dont want it escaping containment and more people seeing it >_<#followers eyes only or whatever . anyways. sorry if u cant read my handwriting for some reason i did it all with a chisel brush#( cassie and kon have each others contacts as stargirl and starboy. to me )#( b-man is referencing the bartman. aka. bart batman )#rook.log
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Worried people are gonna look at my own oc's struggle of the self and decide that those are two different characters instead of fractured parts of the same (looks at how people perceive V, Urizen and vergil in dmc)
#bee speaks#as if my ocs will ever have a fanbase or people who will give them that type of thought lmao#but even so. i find it frustrating that some people cant parse out the difference between these kinds of stories#for example. kingdom hearts contains stories about two characters split from the same body who are two completely different people#who each yearn for their own lives#while devil may cry 5 is about a man fractured into two who are each fundamentally facets of the original#and to the original they must return. with new lived experiences to shape his worldview#anyways Pre-E & The Girl in The Mirror are very much the latter.#and though the lines are blurred on where one starts and the other begins it should be apparent by the end that they are meant to return#a fractured whole restored into something more beautiful and truly Alive#anyways that means nothing to you people yet. but im cooking in here and maybe leaving the oven on a bit too long also
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nooo :(( my silly complaining post meant for the mutuals is going too farrr
#just wanted to make fun of taylor on the dash😭#i didnt read the fucking article i just saw the title and thought it was funny asf that someone wld even think to say smt like that😭#WHYYYY is it that my worst shit breaks containment. PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE!!!!!!#nyxi cant stfu
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#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃#so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters#which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent#allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing#my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing#bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing#and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and#dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely#destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea#lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to#have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im#just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives#i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control#unrelated#i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods#mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio#i meant rip lol
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uhvsjshshs ermmm vamp choro thoughts at 4 am please excuse me
i am so in love with vamp choro like it’s ridiculous never have i ever thought id fall this bad for him when looking through heso sprites
i already love vampires and thinking of being intimate or romantic with one thats my f/o drives me crazy idk call me weird buuuttt icsjsbsnsj (i now understand how my sibling feels about the vampire from bg3)
getting to spend eternity with him and loving him all the while is making me giggle and twirl my hair ugh. god…… like im literally holding my head and on the verge of screaming about him right now
i cant describe well with words but one thing for sure is that vampire bites/hickeys are. OUGH GOOODDDD !!!! slamming my HEAD and screaming into my pillow oh my goodness
pleaaaaseee i need halloween to come so much fucking faster rn
this isnt even all of it. i have so much more thoughts but those are reserved for elsewhere… too embarrassed to post about those on tumblr idjcsbxjssn
#ghost’s 12 am posting#sorry for anyone who has to witness me fawning over him and my rambles about it#i cant contain my thoughts they are like dogs on leashes
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help the mutuals and dash were taking about gotham war and i just realized we weren't all (rightfully) shitting on war games again
#sorry but my ass cant even read comics i WANT to read do you think im keeping up with modern ones?#and zdarsky's writing is mediocre at its best. i liked btk at first but his treatment of ra's and talia for bruce to be the white savior??#and how he made talia and bruce meet differently which changes their dynamic entirely#and how khoa left?#not the worst a writer been but yeah.#also his attempts of doing anything in the ongoing run is boring (in what little ive seen so take this with some salt)#he seems he'll do better with more limited runs where he can sculpt a packaged and contained story#but rn where its just unraveling and progressing? i thought failsafe was boring and so is this current shit#but whatever. hashtag peace and love as i ignore whatever the fuck is going on and focus on decades of other comics <3#ransom note
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