#but DE has made me a far better writer and made me try new things as an artist than anything before

[randomisedmongoose]

Happy birthday, Elysium.

[newx-menfan]

Laura Kinney isn’t the “Goodie Two Shoes” fans make her out to be…and other thoughts… 

Part 1: “The CRINGE”

Let’s be honest- we all KNEW I would eventually get here…after doing write-ups on Surge, Hellion, AND Prodigy…since X-23 is one of my all time favorite characters…

If there is one thing that drives me totally NUTS about X-23 fandom though (and fandoms, in general)… it is this weird fan attitude that Laura Kinney…aka “X-23”…aka “Wolverine”… can essentially “Do No Wrong”….

She’s the “BETTER” Wolverine. The less “TOXIC” version. The PERFECT Wolverine.

You see it in comic clickbait articles ALL the time- Laura is, essentially, the PERFECT answer to all the problems of the original character….

If you happen to mention ANY sort of criticism against X-23, textually or just about the character ingeneral - “She’s a bad friend”… “She can be kind of selfish”… “she is objectively a derivative character that is based off of a more popular X-Men”…people will look at you like you just kicked their puppy or said something really cruel…

And what’s interesting to me about all of this is… X-Men is KIND OF a book essentially about very flawed people, all trying to survive. That was, after all, Marvel’s WHOLE sell for years- they had the “relatable”, “real” characters…. where DC comics had “Gods”.

You would think, with characters EATING another planet, living out problematic “antebellum” Dark Phoenix fantasies, having psychic affairs, saying the “N-word” repeatedly, starting out as villains… it’s kind of accepted that ALL OF THE OTHER X-MEN have made terrible choices at some point or have been written BADLY….

Yet if you go on X-Men twitter… you will regularly see fans yelling that Jean Grey “is the most powerful X-Men” ever, Gambit or Logan are just these perfect “girl-dad’s”, or Storm can essentially NEVER be wrong…

And the PROBLEM with this is…it’s made writing these characters ALMOST LOGISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE…

When Jean, for example, is at GOD LEVELS and ALWAYS morally right… what can you feasibly DO with her character anymore? If you create a villain to match her insane power levels… fans will be upset and complain that the fight wasn’t “fair” and inevitably pull up some vague comic panel to argue just why Jean really should have won …If a writer decides to de-power her OR makes her go evil, fans often will inevitably view it as sexist… so how can you write Jean Grey as still relatable? 

New relationships or Scott Summers dying?- Fans often get upset when writers break up the iconic Scott/Jean or Logan/Jean ships…or accuse writers of romanticizing toxic relationships…

Put her in a teaching/mentor/Headmaster role?- we saw what happened when writers tried it with Kitty, Storm, and Logan…they just became pretty boring….

Often writers solution seems to be… just killing Jean off…

This isn’t to shoot down criticisms like “Women in the Refrigerator Syndrome”, “plot armor”, ect…but I do think it’s important to talk about how… possibly… fandom has gone too far the other way… that fandom is basically guaranteeing characters will inevitably become obsolete or unusable… or cause writers to inevitably just repeat the same five stories for nostalgia sake, because they can’t do anything “new”…

This isn’t JUST female characters either- I would say characters like Gambit, Wolverine, Cyclops, Batman, and several others have pretty much the same logistical problem…they’ve been hyped up SO MUCH…that you can’t really DO ANYTHING with them anymore, for fear of angering their large fanbases….

Laura has relatively quickly developed this problem, and it seems like the shelf life of comic book characters is burning out quicker and quicker…

What is it about Laura, that makes her immune to any real criticism within her fan base, in a comic book series where it’s kind of accepted that every character is in some way…horribly flawed?

I am going to go through in these posts talking about why Laura really isn’t the perfect character readers constantly make her out to be… that she actually IS pretty similar TO Logan and a lot of the complaints against him CAN be tied to her as well… and that the biggest problem currently facing Laura AND COMICS in general right now, I would argue, is that writers are not able to admit that Laura or any of the other characters ARE sometimes wrong…or to quote Kitty Pryde…sometimes kind of a “jerk”…

———————————————————————

Part of the reason no one criticizes Laura, is because of her tremendously tragic backstory.

Essentially a modern version of “Frankenstein”; Laura is created to be a replication of the “Weapon X” experiment in miniseries “Innocence Lost”. (I know people tend to focus more on the “Pinocchio” allusions from the book, but I find the  “Frankenstein” allusions more relevant…)

Sarah Kinney opts into this program, because, like Victor Frankenstein: she desires scientific exploration without ethical scrutiny. 

Focused more on pushing the realms of scientific discovery instead of considering the consequences, Sarah manages to create a viable clone, with the caveat that it is female, because the “Y” gene from the sample is too damaged. It’s only when Rice, another scientist with a Wolverine-vendetta, forces Sarah to be a surrogate to Laura as punishment for her insubordination, that the ethical considerations truly start to come into play for Sarah…

Laura experiences extreme torture, radiation poisoning to activate her mutant powers, coating her claws without anesthetic, creation of the trigger scent (a pavlovian odor that causes her to black out and go berserk), forcing her to kill her Sensei and other targets (and her puppy, according to Liu…), and many other horrors while there.

Sarah, after seeing Laura’s potential for good after Laura spares Rice’s illegitimate kid from being murdered and Laura helping  track down Sarah’s kidnapped niece; tries to free Laura and destroy the facility…

Which leads to Rice coating Sarah with the trigger scent and having Laura murder her.

While Laura DOES manage to escape…she now has to live with the fact that she killed her own mother for the rest of her life…

This is pretty much the bare bones summary (I ignored Sarah’s own history of childhood trauma and abuse and the Rice subplots)….

Laura then goes to track down Sarah’s relatives in “Target X”, bonding with Megan, the angsty traumatized niece that had been kidnapped previously and develops her first real human connection.

It’s hard NOT to like Kyle’s adorable version of Laura; watching her riding on roller coasters with Megan, peeping in on people in windows, accidentally getting Megan into trouble by mimicking teachers, hanging out at the boardwalks in San Fran…. Laura is socially inept…but in a relatable way…

Things go to hell however, when it’s discovered that Debbie’s boyfriend is actually a facility agent and spying on them…

Laura fights the Sabertooth-like Kimura, saves Debbie and Megan, helps them go into hiding, and then attacks Logan with the plan to kill them both…only to get captured by Shield….and then is freed by Captain America…

Again a bare bones summary and nothing to really criticize, since Laura has little engagement with people in these situations and is the victim, despite doing some really horrible things. It’s a pretty reasonable storyline and it is, again, a modern comic retelling of “Frankenstein”…similar to “the Incredible Hulk”….

Laura is the monster of modern science, desperately seeking the answers of what it means to be human…

Sure…she kind of/sort of tries to kill Logan…but it’s understandable considering the situation…(and it’s not like Logan doesn’t have a history of trying to kill his own family members in comics…)

“NYX”…good and bad…is kind of the story that PUSHES the TRAUMA NARRATIVE to a ridiculous degree…

I get why on multiple levels…people, including Craig Kyle himself (writer of “Innocence Lost” AND ”Target X”) …HATE NYX.

And truthfully… I personally remember rolling my eyes, the first time I heard about it when it came out…

“NYX”, written by Editor Joe Quesada, was the first introduction of Laura, and technically came out BEFORE “Innocence Lost”/“Target X” but after Laura’s appearance on the tv show “X-Men Evolution”. Canonically…it’s a little more challenging but most fans AGREE NYX comes AFTER “Target X”….

Laura is in NYC and being trafficked by Zebra Daddy (yes…that IS HIS NAME IN THE BOOK…); becoming mute and withdrawn. 

When a john kills himself she meets another mutant, Kiden Nixon, and joins a ragtag group of homeless mutants…there’s a whole subplot about Kiden’s dead dad…Zebra Daddy comes after Laura and she kills him to save her friends…

In the end, Laura abandons her friends (because Laura has to be a “lone wolf”); but bumps into them years later after joining the X-Men…

While I will fully admit there are parts of Laura’s story that ARE handled pretty well…there’s also A LOT of voyeuristic panty shots in the art….a ridiculous amount of hand waving…and constant over-theatrics…

———————————————————————

Laura really is that character that teeters on an edge of cringe….

“Female Clone of Wolverine”- admittedly sounds cringeworthy to a non-comic book reader… (and people who remember HOW BAD “the Clone Saga” was…)

“Dating and obsessed with a ‘Draco Malfoy-esque’ sorta toxic copy of Jean Grey”- soundscringeworthy…right?

“Tortured weapon who is forced to become a teenage sex worker out on the streets of NYC and is goth and self harms…”- 100% sounds like an over the top show on CW….

I DO OBJECTIVELY GET why, when Laura first popped up into comics, a lot of male Wolverine fans saw her as just this “edgy CW-like attempt at new readership”… (technically she was CREATED on Warner Brothers “X-Men Evo”…so that’s not totally an inaccurate summary either…)

A teenage Wolverine…with boobs…

Hell…the director of “Logan”, James Mangold, didn’t want to feature her as a teenager…because he thought it sounded like a “CW show”….

“NYX” did feel like something out of a Frank Miller, “Batman: Year One” hallucination. That’s not to say it’s a BAD comic…but it definitely reflects the era of the 2000’s where everything had to be “gritty”….female characters were all heavily sexualized…it was at a time where “Skins”, “Misfits”, and “Gossip Girl” hyped up underage teenagers doing drugs, partying, and having risky sex….

One of the covers of “NYX” literally features Kiden with a pacifier…heavily hinting at “rave culture” and “ecstasy” usage…

I know a lot of modern readers take offense to this book and Quesada…but I do see the other side of it. A big part of Millennial early counter culture WAS indie sleeze….it WAS very hedonistic…it did fit the time period it was created….

“NYX” is a as much of a product of Millennial culture as “Academy X”, “the Ultimate verse”, or Grant Morrison’s “New X-Men” was… it was the same as how “Generation X” or “Jim Lee’s X-Men” was for the 90’s…how all of Claremont’s “Uncanny” and the spinoff books were products of the 80’s culture…and how Kirby’s “X-Men” was for the 60’s…ectera, ecetera…

And the common trend with all of them? They all have some PRETTY CRINGY MOMENTS.

I’m 100% sure, in ten or twenty years, we will look back and criticize how this era of comics incorporated embarrassing parts of youth culture…or writing styles…or counter culture…

But at the same time…her backstory… DOES start to feel a bit ridiculous. It does start to feel like this manufactured, over the top modern “Oliver Twist” or “Great Expectations” to get fans to essentially accept and sympathize with this fairly new character…Like someone just took a bunch of random origin stories and dumped them together in blender, to make the ultimate “SAD” character…

Is Laura really ALL that different from ridiculous characters like Adam the X-treme? Or Birdbrain? the lost Summer brother…Vulcan?

Yet we don’t take any of those characters overly seriously…

It’s moments like watching fans debate whether it’s right or wrong to use the Codename “X-23” for example, screaming at fans who are fine with it because they realize she’s ultimately a fictional character and Marvel on some level needs “brand recognition”…that even if her backstory does deal with real topics and issues…. do you remember that Laura’s backstory is pretty comicbook-y and absurd. 

As “cringy” as Laura SOUNDS on PAPER…she works because the writing ultimately did what it was supposed to do. Laura has objectively some of the BEST MODERN COMICS and even books like NYX, are pretty decently written, even if the subject matter and handling and culture are outdated from it.

Laura IS a great character…but she’s also kind of on edge of “cringy”…

And where we can kind of ACCEPT that cringe with Logan and his weird nose-less era…or Gambit referring to himself in third person… or pretty much EVERYTHING about Kitty (ninja…pirate…teenage prodigy…weird waifu for literally every male writer); Laura is this one character that you can’t criticize…or if you DO, it has to be solely around the sexualization of the character…and not the character itself…

I do understand fans getting attached to certain characters…in seeing their OWN trauma represented IN the character and reflected back…but at some point…I do think you have to see the humor of it all too…

That Laura isn’t ALL that DIFFERENT from other products of their time- like clone Superboy…FantomeX…Quentin Quire….Bloodstorm…Maggott…Adam the X-treme…

She just had better writing.

[yves-and-scessernee]

I ... do, but I think I'm not communicating what precisely I'm talking about in my original post. I see what you're saying, and your perspective is valuable and its contribution is welcome, but you've zoomed this conversation all the way out. You're up viewing the entire galaxy and I'm all the way down on the ground, waving my arms in alarm! Because it originally begun zeroed in on one specific scene: Louis's participation in Paul's death in the novel.

I'm not saying that Louis has been reduced in violence and complexity in general, in regards to the whole of his portrayal. I'm talking mainly about this specific, character-defining moment in the original novel and its subsequent adaptation, and the impact that this has. We can certainly broaden the discussion from there, and that's easy enough to do, but then ... it becomes a different discussion. A related one, but a different one.

And the fault is mine for rambling on, I'm sure, but I ... am not trying to say that Louis's entire depiction is wanting. In fact, the clash between the faithful representation of so many of Louis's qualities in the novel -- the hypocrisy, as you've touched on yourself, the violence, the objection to moral injustice -- throughout the rest of his portrayal makes this downright sanitized version of Paul's death feel that much more strange.

This is my personal reaction, though, and it's not meant to be on par with actual critical analysis. There's quite a lot that can be said about what the change added rather than what it took away, but I can't really say that helps how I feel about it. I see that you feel quite differently, and that you have your own sound reasoning for that: I don't intend this post to be a challenge to your own interpretations. But I do want to know what the writers were thinking, what their reasoning was for this specific change. Short of venturing onto the nightmare kingdom that is twitter, however, all I've got is speculation.

I see your frustration with the failures of critical and audience analysis regarding Louis de Pointe du Lac as a Black character. That's a valid frustration, and I can see how we snowballed from the initial post to this place, and I do have the sense that you've used my post as a springboard to voice your own feelings regarding far-reaching intercommunity discussion. That's okay: the Vampire Chronicles has always had a contentious ongoing discussion regarding its content, and Anne Rice herself often did little to help the situation. What are we here for if not to talk about how such an unpredictable community affects us? And you are right that this new adaptation of Louis as a Black man has brought a wealth of new context to the character, and that this context hasn't been given the proper consideration by a great deal of the audience in particular. Hopefully, as we move into further seasons of this adaptation and future adaptations, we can see that change for the better.

But I do want to clarify what the original post was about and what its intended scope was, because how I feel about the choices made for the adaptation of this one scene and how I feel about the choices made for the adaption of the whole of Louis as a character and narrator are two very different things.

I can see that Louis in the new show is important to you. As a longtime fan of the novels myself, it's lovely to see so many people discovering this cast of netherworlders and bonding to them so strongly. Louis has been a part of my life since I was in grade school, along with Lestat, Jesse, Pandora, David, Armand, and the rest, and it's been so great to see this story shared anew with a whole new audience. My own confusions and questions aside ... I'm really excited to see what they've done with their second season. You'll have to come back and tell me what you think once you see it!

Everyone’s talking about unreliable narration in S2 of Interview With The Vampire, but what I’d like to know most of all is if that scene with Paul and Louis will be revisited.

In the novel, Louis does say something to Paul. Paul tells Louis that he had a vision from the Virgin Mary telling him to convince Louis to sell everything and take the family to go be missionaries in France. And Louis laughs at him, tells him no, mocks him. Louis contemplates the shame of having to tell everything that Paul wasn’t acceptably sensitive, just delusional.

And then Paul kills himself.

It’s such a fundamental grounding for Louis’s character in the novels. His guilt, his horror, his sorrow, his regret. His genuine faults: inaction, supercilious judgement, casual cruelty, ableism.

By contrast, the television version feels uwuified — if you understand what I mean? Louis isn’t at fault anymore: he’s not at fault at all. The complexity of Louis grappling with his failure with Paul has been drawn away in order to present us with Louis who did absolutely nothing wrong.

And I’m not sure why. But it’s similar to the rewrite of Louis meeting Claudia, his predation of her replaced by his rescue of her.

Louis can have faults, Louis can make mistakes: that’s not in befitting a protagonist. The character doesn’t need to be sanitized. Let him make mistakes and struggle with that. His complexity is important to his character, to his dynamic with characters like David, Claudia, even Armand and Gabrielle, and especially Lestat.

But if they’re presenting us with a narrative where Armand has revised Louis’s memories, surely his memory of his last day with Paul would have been a prime target? If it had indeed gone down in a book-accurate way?

I suppose I’m just perplexed. I’m waiting to see what comes next.

[twistedmusings]

I'm not going to request it now because requests are closed, but that Savanaclaw petting scenario was really cute and like,, Octavinelle petting and examining them

(,,• W •,,)

A/N: If you can pinpoint the exact moment I started to slowly doubt my writing ability and how to write these characters, I will give you, the reader, 100 points. Cause man this was rough to write when you have writer's block q wq But anyways, this was when my requests were closed BUT I WANTED TO COME THROUGH WITH IT! I would like to dedicate it to @kirayamidemon since I read their comic and it was...excellent.

But in other news, I found out that eels like to be petted!

Warnings: Eel petting, Octopus petting and all three Octavinelle members feeling a certain way when you finally give them those pats.

[Floyd-Senpai: Shrimpy~! Meet us in the mirror room tonight! Azul says he wants to give you something!] 

Your eyes look down at your phone before pocketing it back into your jacket, taking another sip of the Coral Pink drink Floyd had made for you before you left Monstro Lounge as you reminisce back on the day you just had. 

Today has been probably the most successful day the Monstro Lounge has had in a while. You had offered up the idea to Azul while you two walked to the cafeteria, mentioning touching a manta ray once and how you didn’t expect them to be so slimy. He had looked at you curiously and asked if you had just been a curious child when you were growing up, but you told him that you used to go to a lot of aquariums and how you would go straight to the petting exhibit. 

And the moment you said petting exhibit, Azul already had cashed the idea in. 

Aquariums had been placed elegantly among the tables of Monstro Lounge tonight. The smaller aquariums on the tables were closed lid, giving the customers a chance to enjoy the little ecosystems Jade had personally made for the creatures Azul had brought in while partaking in their drinks and meals. It made for a killer Magicam picture and Azul had predicted with Vil’s and Cater’s attendance the hashtag #MonstroLoungeExperience would be trending by the time they reached the dinner rush.

It trended faster than they thought. 

Most foot traffic, however, came from the piece de resistance. 

In the middle of the Lounge, a large aquarium had been placed at foot level where various customers could reach down and pet larger animals such as sting rays, sturgeon fish, starfishes and sea cucumbers. All of them with little placards stating fun facts as well as little sections with a bunch of coral that made for another perfect Magicam photo opportunity. 

It had been an amazing experience and you felt like you had almost grown closer to the three Octavinelle students, which was always an ‘A+’ in your book. 

You were pretty sure you saw Azul smiling from ear to ear by the time they closed and Floyd and Jade looked physically exhausted from having to deal with so many customers. They had been busy from opening to closing with no breaks in between so you figured that they would want to rest. 

So getting a message from Floyd so late at night had been somewhat confusing. 

But you didn’t question it, the fact that Azul wants to give you something making you ever so curious. 

Who knows, maybe if the sea creatures were still around Azul could let you pet them some more? 

Out of everyone you had probably been the most excited for the petting exhibit and you had given him the idea so the possibility of playing more with the starfishes and manta rays pushed you to move faster. 

Finishing the last of your drink and throwing it away in the nearest trash can, you push open the doors to the mirror room with a smile--!  

Only to find nobody. 

“...huh.” 

You look around, not daring to call out either of their names since, technically, you weren’t even supposed to be here. The only thing you could do was take a few steps further, looking around as you try to make some sense of the situation. 

Why wouldn’t they meet you in Octavinelle? The Monstro Lounge was there, as well as all the creatures. Azul’s office was there as well so if he wanted to give you something he could have given it to you there, so why had Floyd asked to meet them in the Mirror room? You look around for a moment before frowning as the realization set in. 

It was a prank. 

“Dammit.” 

Of course. Why would Floyd even act this nice towards you if it wasn’t to lull you into a false sense of security? The table you had sat in today had a beautiful aquarium with a bunch of little shrimps floating around and the mereel, more than once, had opened the lid and stuck his hand inside to grab one of the shrimps and hang it over his open mouth. 

You thought he was just acting this way because he was stressed from working so much but he probably had just done it to tease you! With a huff, you pull out your phone and open up his contact number to give him a piece of your mind--! 

“Aha! Shrimpy is here!” 

Only to gag as the back of your jacket is grabbed by a slimy aquamarine hand, pulling you into the nearest mirror and leaving nothing but your phone laying on the ground. 

Floyd’s hands pull you into a hug the moment you are pulled into the water, laughing as he sees you thrashing around and pulling at the arms keeping you pressed close to him. 

“Ahhhh! Shrimpy stop moving!” 

The mereel squeezes you tight, smiling as he looks down at the moment you realize who is holding you and what you are able to do. 

He grins and wraps his tail around you, the fins brushing your fingertips as the shock slowly starts to die down and the curiosity starts to set in. Floyd’s eyes shine brighter under the sea, your hand going to your chest as you expected to drown immediately but finding it simple to breathe in and out. 

“What--?!”

“Finally!” 

“There we go~ Breathe in--”

You take a deep breath. 

“And out~” 

Your chest relaxes as Floyd giggles at how wide your eyes have gotten, letting you go with his arms but his tail wrapping around one of your legs and pulling you close to him once again. He smiles when your hands go up to inspect the fins on his ears but stop as if the situation was still highly unreal for you to believe. 

He guessed humans rarely got to see the sea during the night, but he was glad he got to show you this sight. Even if it was Azul’s idea in the first place. 

Looking around, you notice that you had been here before. 

It was the Coral Sea. 

You look back at the mereel as Floyd tilts his head at your confusion, smiling as he sees the shining in your eyes get brighter when you notice that the veins in his arms and the ones going up his neck are all shining in the moonlit water. 

“Floyd…” 

Ah. You really looked too cute. Especially when you were looking at him with so much wonder. Maybe he should just take you out further and hide near the corals, somewhere Jade nor Azul would look as he preens under your attention. 

He blinks as you break out of the spell long enough to point a finger at him. 

“You--! Why did you call me to the Mirror room so late! The last thing I need to do is get in trouble with the Headmaster!” 

Floyd frowns, “You didn’t get in trouble! I pulled you when I heard your voice! Why didn’t you call out to me!” 

“Because I couldn’t see tail nor fin of you!”

Both of you stop talking after your dumb joke, looking at each other with surprise before a giggle escapes your lips first, turning into a full blown laugh between you both as he takes your hand and presses it under the fins in his ears. 

“Shrimpy was so mean today. Petting all those creatures and ignoring everything else. It made me want to eat all of them up.” 

You smile and rub right under the juncture where fins meet skin, Floyd shivering as he pulls you closer to him. 

“Eels don’t eat any invertebrates, right? You guys are mostly carnivores.” 

He grins and gives you a small squeeze. You even knew of his diet? Why hadn’t you mentioned you knew some things about sea creatures. If you had, Floyd would have dragged you to the Coral Sea way before this! He smiles as your hands go all the way down to his neck, tracing each vein slowly but not going any further than his clavicle and choosing instead to run your fingers from his shoulder blades all the way to his Adam's apple. 

“Shrimpy is being too shy. Here!” 

You gasp as Floyd grabs your hand and helps you swim over to a pair of rocks, sitting you down on top as the bottom of his tail wrapped around your legs to keep you anchored. He laughs as he practically sits on you, choosing instead to lay the top half of his tail on your lap as you look down at the shiny, swishing fins. 

“Now you can touch as much as you’d like!” 

Floyd was ready to make a joke about how this would a much better petting experience for you but his eyes widen when he sees the wonder in yours, the smile in his face disappearing as he watches your fascination with his fins, running your fingers through his caudal fin and rubbing the edges with your hand. His hands twitch as you run yours up his tail, taking in the slimy but firm feeling before looking up at him and reaching out to cup his face with one hand. 

He presses his cheek against your palm, smiling as you scratch right over his ear fin and almost jumping up from the rock as you start to rub the appendage. 

“Shrimpy wait--” 

Shit, he almost bit his tongue. He could barely look into your curious eyes as his heart sped up, the most sensitive area of his body being played and inspected with being a far too new feeling for him to just laugh it off. 

Floyd bites his bottom lip as his tail squeezes your legs, closing his eyes as he felt several shivers go up his spine. It felt too good--

“Floyd?” 

The mereel slowly comes down from the high as he glares at the intruder, clicking his tongue as he saw who it was. 

A pair of identical eyes to Floyd’s turn in your direction, your hand pulling away from the other as you turned to greet Jade. 

“You certainly took them farther than I thought you would.” 

He chuckles as his brother turns away, clearly not wanting you to see the blush on his cheeks. Nevertheless, his attention immediately goes back to you, swimming over to your side and sitting on the opposite of where Floyd was situated. 

“Did you have any troubles finding us?” 

You shook your head, “Floyd grabbed me and pulled me in before I could leave.” 

Jade nods and looks down at how Floyd had situated himself, a brief pang of jealousy overtaking him as he scoots closer, takes your hand and presses it on his chest. You immediately try to pull back but Jade’s eyes lid as he tugs you in closer, the veins in his chest shining even brighter than Floyd’s as he immediately feels you relax in his touch. 

“Do you know what this is, [Y/N]-san?” 

His eyes take their time to take in all of you as you nod your head, whispering the word ‘bioluminescence’ as Jade licks his lips. 

How strange was it to see you so focused. Jade had taken his time during the lull of the Monstro Lounge hours to watch you near the petting tank, your fingers running over the manta rays and tapping at the carapaces of the horseshoe crabs. And like his brother he did feel a certain sort of jealousy for those creatures, but he also saw an opportunity. 

An opportunity to get your guard down. 

His eyes look over at Floyd, the other pouting as your fingers start to trace Jade’s chest all by themselves.

“Uhm--” 

Jade’s attention goes back to you, “Yes?” 

“I didn’t think that moray eels had bioluminescence.” 

He smiles and takes your hand again, guiding it from the middle of his chest all the way to his cheek making sure that your fingers feel the light travel in his veins as you start to wriggle out of Floyd’s hold and into Jade’s. 

“Our kind is a mixture of many eels types. While our exterior is that of a moray eel, our interior is also made up of certain eels that use this feature as a way to communicate with other animals, warn predators…” 

The mereel decides to keep the ‘lure prey’ part out of his explanation. 

Jade’s eyes immediately went to Floyd’s as the other was about to speak up, glaring at him to keep his mouth quiet for he had his turn. His eyes soften when they go back to you, your eyes still taking in all of the small trails of light decorating Jade’s body as your hands trace against the caudal fins on his arms. 

They were rougher than the ones near their ears…

Slowly, your hands go to the fins on the side of Jade’s face, the mereel tensing up but keeping his eyes on you as you start to tug and rub at the appendages. 

“[Y/N]-san…” 

His nails scratch against the rocks as he feels your fingers trace every line they can find, his fins giving a little twitch as you push them back only to watch them slowly move back to their original spot. You had no idea what you were making him feel, what you probably made Floyd feel. 

And if his dear brother wanted to keep it a secret, then he would keep his mouth shut as well. 

Having someone touch them so freely, especially that area, was an act reserved for mates only. Even during courtship this was prohibited and if any other merperson happened to swim by it would be as if they just tumbled into the merman equivalent of someone shoving their fingers in between someone else’s legs. 

But your curiosity was so endearing and Jade just couldn’t find it in himself to pull you away. In fact, that look of yours full of innocence and naivety was so cute that if he let his instincts run wild you would find yourself being dragged to the Leech's home--

“What--you two!” 

His reason kicks back in as Jade smiles and turns to look at the new visitor. 

The octomer’s face is bright red as he locks eyes with you, your hands letting go of Jade’s fins as he smiles and waves at Azul. 

“I’m glad you decided to join us, Azul.”

He wants to say something about what the hell he just saw but he decides to save it, knowing full well that Jade nor Floyd were going to give him a straight answer. Instead, he decides to address you directly. 

“Inferring from our conversation from early this morning as well as your actions during the Monstro Lounge opening hours, I figured you would like this sort of surprise." 

He clears his throat, sneaking a peek at your face and quickly looking away as he saw your eyes staring straight at him. 

Humans like you are still curious about the different types of merpeople, especially those like Jade and Floyd, so after much consideration I decided--” 

"Azul, you're beautiful." 

Oh no. He bit his tongue. Fuck, fuck, fuck he bit his tongue and now it hurts like a shell clamping down on his hand--why had you gone and say something like that so suddenly?! 

"Excuse me?" 

The spell Jade had you in was completely broken as you pulled out of the brother's hold and swam over to him, stopping when you noticed him backing away. 

Azul stared at you and you stared back at him. 

He couldn't help it. After all the things he had to deal with, it was hard enough for him to even appear in front of you like this. And it wasn't like he was doing it as a showing of any sort of affection towards you, he just didn't want to owe you any favours from the idea you had given him! 

All he had to do was just...reach a tentacle out-- 

"Huh?" 

Azul notices you swimming back a tiny bit, smiling at the tentacle shyly reaching out to you. 

"You can turn back, you know. I don't want you to feel forced to do this." 

You point at him, your eyes still wide with curiosity but keeping your distance. 

"The fact that I get to see you like this is enough." 

Azul can feel his heart skip a beat, tentacles unfurling even more as the need to hide melted away. 

But...he owed you a favor... 

"Honestly. Thank you so much Azul." 

For the Sea Witch's sake, he really couldn't pin you down, could he? 

The octomer swims over, floating right in front of you as one tentacle shyly brushes against your fingertips. They twitch in interest but you do not move, looking up at Azul expectantly. 

You really were too nice for your own good, waiting for someone to give you the okay when he clearly wanted you to at least inspect that part of him. 

"Go...go ahead." 

Your touch is soft, pressing your hands right against his suckers and chuckling at the small noise they made as they attached themselves to your skin. Azul moves in a bit closer as some tentacles start wrapping around your ankles and wrists, his natural instincts taking over as his tentacles wrap around the person he really liked. 

Well not like as in like like but a like he had yet to put a definition to. And it's not like it needed a definition, you certainly weren't asking him what sort of like it was and the thought of what kind of like it really was didn't keep him up at night at all. 

"Oop!" 

Azul almost wants to screech at the tentacle going in between your legs and hoisting you up, offering you a sort of makeshift seat as the other appendages start to press against your neck, leaving behind little sucker marks in their wake. 

This situation was not only testing his boundaries but also his patience. 

"I didn't think they would be so slippery...and so soft!" 

Please don't look so curious about him! It's going to give him wild expectations! 

The tip of a tentacle rubs against your cheek, Azul's face an almost red tomato as he hears you chuckle and push the appendage back but for some reason his tentacles weren't listening to him so the thing only pushed forward even more--

"Ah! No fair!" 

Floyd comes up behind you, wrapping you up in a hug as he points a finger at Azul. 

"No hogging Shrimpy to yourself!" 

Azul swims back in alarm. 

"I wasn't hogging anyone!" 

Jade laughs as he swims right up behind you, a hand on your shoulder as he pulls you back. 

"Azul you might want to look down." 

The octomer blinks only to look down, seeing that one of his tentacles had stubbornly wrapped around your waist. 

"Ahh...ahhhh….!" 

You, Jade and Floyd blink as dark ink fills the water, Azul covering his face and letting you go, swimming to the nearest hole and curling up inside as he strangles one of his tentacles. 

Of all the things to embarrass him it just had  to be himself, huh?! 

"Azul? Wait come back!" 

"Shrimpy tell me I'm beautiful as well~!" 

"Floyd let me go! There's ink everywhere!" 

"Not until you tell me I'm beautiful!" 

"Jade!" 

"Azul is more than okay, I can assure you...although I would also like the same compliment as well, [Y/N]-san." 

The next day, you woke up with a high fever due to swimming all night, a present from all of the Octavinelle students at your doorstep with an apology card neatly placed on top. 

[missusplum]

Why are you so hopeful when these writers might bait and play us again?

What were you’re thoughts on the finale and what stories would you like to see next season?

Here’s hoping for one of your long essays

lmao i completely get the frustration, but the way i really see it, i don’t think the takeaway from this season is that armony will never be a focus; it’s that this show chooses to be chaotic just for the sake of being ~shocking~ and ~unexpected~ so really by that benchmark anything is possible lol

for those reasons i think going into the business of trying to predict anything on this show is generally a bad idea and a recipe to setting yourself up for disappointment. so i have no thoughts on what might go down in s3, just that i hope we get one loool. because despite all my yapping and complaining i really do want to see more of this show, and i think there are lots of stories still to tell. i started watching for elodie and i’m gonna stay for her too 😌

i’ll share my thoughts on s2 behind the cut:

my general sentiment on this season is a big meh lol. like all the criticism and worries i had about where the season was headed and about kamdar being nothing more than a lightning rod all stumbled into fruition. my biggest criticism is that the writing seems intent on delivering shocking moments and stressful situations at the sacrifice of interesting stories and actual character development. the biggest example of this is the show choosing to drop chris’ story, the far superior and more emotionally-compelling storyline, halfway into the season and choosing to fully focus on kamdar instead. i really think it was a gigantic misstep to veer into this direction and a misread of what drew people to this show in the first place. to me, the real strength of tcl was always, always, the chemistry between arman and thony, and between thony and fiona. people watched because of the actors’ chemistry; even in s1 the mob drama was always less interesting and draggingly melodramatic at times. but people put up with it because it was the vehicle to showcase the chemistry and relationships that intrigued everyone. s2 literally went full throttle into mob territory and sacrificed the emotional side and the relationships that made us care in the first place. and that is the true fumble here.

i do get frustrated reading some of the postmortem interviews with the EPs because i really want to know what progress they think this season made at all. almost all the new characters that they brought on have died (shoutout to JD for living to see another day!), the triangle of death is still in tact, thony is still single-mindedly focused on her family, luca is still sick, the de la rosas are still undocumented, arman still has no power, etc. and everyone is so miserable 🥴 something something about a clinic and helping out the community was completely overshadowed by this kamdar storyline which ended exactly how we all knew it would end, with him dead. oh i guess g*rrett miller died too. overdue imo but i’m sorry to his fans for your loss lol

one thing i will say is while i think it was very deliberate to have thony do unlikable things and behave antagonistically, i still think a lot of the fandom is being unfair with how much hate she’s getting and letting recency bias cloud their judgment. this is the same character that agreed in a second to sell street drugs because arman looked sad and then immediately incriminated herself when they got caught, literally only to protect arman. it’s a complete disservice to the character and franking oversimplifying just to write her off as selfish. she is anything but selfish imo. i do believe, and the EPs have said as much, that she has a tendency to be arrogant and to think she knows better, and this stems from her career as a surgeon. but to say she hasn’t paid for her mistakes is crazy lol, the entire two finale hours was basically nothing working out the way she wanted, and everyone telling her off and giving her shit for what she’s done. which for the record i liked; thony has often acted purely on instinct, but i like that this time that she had to lose and that the same instinct led her to make bad decisions. makes for a more compelling character vs. one who is always doing the right thing. i will say that i think reverting to anchoring all of thony’s actions to be about saving luca’s life was a narrative mistake. not only because it only underscores what we already learned about her in s1, but because atp (and i hate to say it) luca is nothing but a plot device imo. like people get frustrated when luca is thrust into the forefront again because aside from being a cute kid who is unfairly ill, there’s nothing else to the character. is he not literally only there to be sick and to cause thony to act irrationally? instead of investing time into actually making luca a well-rounded character with a personality, we wasted scenes on the likes of kamdar and maya, none of whom ended up having any staying power on the show anyway, and the stakes ended up feeling repetitive. i cannot understand why there was a need to bring on so many new (and temporary!?) characters in a short season when you already have existing shallowly-written core characters that the audience actually wants and needs to know more about.

i’ve already made my opinions on love triangles very clear lol and it still stands. like if you’re a fan of any of the characters of arman, thony, or nadia, i cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone would want this triangle to continue. it’s horrible for all of them; it’s unattractive to see arman continue to divide his heart between two women; it’s depressing to see thony reduce herself to an emotionless robot because she has to shut arman out; and it’s ridiculously unrealistic to think that nadia would still put up with arman after all the arguments they’ve had about thony already. if you’ve read any of the postseason interviews with melissa carter and miranda kwok they seem pretty intent on continuing to ride this out. i’m flummoxed because like what more is there to explore???

in one of the interviews, they said that they had to slow down armony because they went too fast in s1 which is wild to me when that’s one of the few reasons why people tuned in in the first place lol. the philosophy behind thinking that when a couple gets together it becomes boring is flawed and imo more of an indictment on the writing if interesting stories can’t be told with your leads in a relationship. miranda kwok said that the bond between arman and thony will be strengthened after surviving what they went through in s2, but literally none of that was communicated to the audience lol. melissa carter said there was an opportunity for more romance in s3 because there was none in s2 but like y’all literally wrote it that way 🥴🥴 i really do think the writing massively overestimated everyone’s patience and tolerance for nothingness and crumbs. it might have been more tolerable if the rest of the show was just as compelling, but imo it just isn’t so s2 was really just watching this show shoot itself in the foot repeatedly lol. fwiw i think a push and pull between these two could have worked but s2 was literally all pull lmao; like if you have guaranteed five seasons to arc out a molasses-paced relationship then sure but we’re barely scraping by here lol 🤧

anyhoo, all in all i hope the writers actually do get a chance to read some of the criticism of this season and it’s not just written off as shippers throwing a tantrum lol. s2 was a bit of a drag to get through but if nothing else, and for better or for worse, i feel like i have a better grasp of what this show is trying to be now so that’s something. all my criticism aside, at the core of it i do love that this is a show with southeast asians at the forefront, with elodie yung at the forefront, and for those facts alone i’ll happily keep rooting for it to succeed and keep contributing my views and ratings. the rest i’ll just keep hoping for the best.

[interact-if]

Day 2 of Pride Month interviews! You know them, you love them…. give it up for Ames!

Ames, author of Attollo and Metamorphosis

Pride Month Featured Authors

“…and it was a singular, terrible thought, which burrowed itself into your mind like an engorged maggot. This was not a man nor a monster. This was a concept, an ideology, a terrible myth, which had personified itself to stand before you now.You were, to put it simply, screwed.”

After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend.

Too bad it’s never so simple.

Demo: Attollo, Metamorphosis (TBA)

Tags: cybernoir, thriller

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: Tell us a little bit about your project(s)!

Attollo is a cyber-noir horror set in a walled city off the coast of the Atlantic that’s been a victim of a nuclear disaster. After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend. Too bad it’s never so simple. Attollo is a 17+ game that deals with heavy topics and a lot of moral questioning; from cults to corrupt government, it has no shortage of monsters in the dark—both metaphorical and literal.

Metamorphosis is a crime/horror story based in the world of crime scene cleanup, where there are three simple steps: Get the call, clean the scene, and don’t ask too many questions. These are the rules that you live by under the employment of Noctua’s Crime Scene Services, and you credit them for keeping you alive.

However, after a routine house call brings forth nightmares of memories that are not your own, you find yourself pulled deeper into Noctua—a city of both monster and man—in a bid to find out the truth behind the murder of Deirdre Callow, and better yet, how her memories came to be yours. Your job mandates that you don’t dig too deep—but could this finally be the exception?

Metamorphosis is 18+ and will have explicit content; follow the last moments of a stranger to find out not only who took her life, but how this connects to the underbelly that Noctua works so hard to hide.

Q2: Why interactive fiction? What drew you to the medium?

Lmaoo, oh man. I think it really all began last summer when I first found examples of interactive fiction. I don’t even remember how I came across it, it might’ve been that I saw it mentioned in a post or I saw it as a tag on Itch.io, but at some point, last summer I began to investigate it more. I think what really drew me in was the ability for the player to control the narrative; it was like playing an old RPG, but modernized, and the fact that I could see a story unfold that was influenced by my decisions was so fascinating to me. Not to mention that IF allows so much more character depth than regular novels, in my opinion.

I’m 99% sure my first exposure to interactive fiction was through the game Crème de la Crème (a fantastic game, by the way) and I just enjoyed it so much that I went haywire for the genre. Then Temple of the Endless Night came out (another fantastic game that I’m looking forward to!), and that was really the turning point for inspiring me to give it a go. Now, almost a year later, here I am working on my own two games!

Q3: Are your characters influenced by your identity? How?

My bisexuality doesn’t have much of a major influence on the game, but I do think it contributed to the way that I view and write relationships. I figured out my sexuality around high school (I kissed a girl in high school and found out I liked it just as much as when I kissed a boy) and since then I’ve been very involved in the LGBTQ+ community of both my hometown and uni town.

I think this involvement, like being able to hear about other people’s experiences and share my own, has made me feel a lot more comfortable writing some of the characters in the game. Although Attollo and Metamorphosis both don’t focus heavily on relationships (both have murder in them, which I feel is a bit more pressing), I do keep the option for any RO’s to be romanced by anyone, regardless of gender or preference, because that’s simply what I’ve become so attuned to. In terms of side characters relationships as well, I think my involvement and my own experiences have allowed me to write far more diverse relationships than I might have, and I think that this has also allowed a more fulfilling experience for players when reading through.

I also have incorporated some struggles that I’ve faced before because of my identity into the games. For example, I and a few others have faced issues with religion due to who we are, and I incorporate this into both games. Dreamwalker, Pariah, and Sysba from Attollo all have shadows of this experience in their character origins, and Ilali and Ariston from Metamorphosis has a major point involving identity and beliefs. Both games also have undertows of ostracization and division between groups, which is also something I’ve experienced in the past. Being able to grapple these moments and control them via a narrative has been eye opening for both myself and others involved, and I’m hoping it can be a learning experience for the readers as well.

Q4: What would you like to see more of in LGBT+ fiction?

I think, now, the amount of progress in LGBTQ+ fiction is expanding at a wonderful rate. There are so many interactive fictions with options to select sexuality, select gender, select beliefs, etc. However, despite this expansion, there’s still a good deal of backlash against some aspects of LGBTQ+ fiction.

For example, as a bisexual woman who has dated men, I know there are some individuals who may not consider me a part of the LGBTQ+ because of this aspect. Not only is this incredibly disheartening, but it’s a viewpoint that I think should be educated against, and fiction is a fantastic pathway to do this. Another example I can think of is a friend of mine who identifies as asexual but is sex-neutral rather than sex-repulsed. Most people can’t believe her when she says this, and she often faces backlash for this declaration as well. This is another thing that I think that, with exposure through a medium such as fiction, can be worked on.

What I’m trying to say here is that I think LGBTQ+ fiction can be a brilliantly educational platform—if used right. Although it already teaches so much with what it has, I think having that representation of different subgroups of sexuality, of their experiences and beliefs, so people can become aware and knowledgeable of these options, is something I’d like to see more of.

Q5: What or who are some of your biggest inspirations?

Oh man, I struggled to list off inspirations because I know I have some, but as soon as someone asks me who they are my brain just goes ‘brrrrrr’ LMAO.

In terms of the games that I write and the worlds that I build, I think David Lynch and Robert Chambers are probably the two that I somehow incorporate. Attollo and Metamorphosis both have a lot of surrealist horror, which are what these two really specialized in. Shirley Jackson is also another person who inspired me a lot when it came to the writing and creation of Attollo, especially the intrapersonal relationships between the characters.

In terms of life, this is something else I really struggle to answer. I don’t really have celebrity inspirations or anything like that, but I do get inspired by my close friends and sister a lot. Seeing them go through the struggles that they face and absolutely thrive really drives me to push through my own struggles. They’re the strongest, most brilliant group of people that I know, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I can be a part of their lives. Not only that, but we also all collectively encourage each other to push further and to chase our dreams (as cheesy as that is LMAO) and that’s something that I think is another stroke of good fortune. I struck gold when I met them, and they’re some of the biggest inspirations in my life.

Q6: What’s a super vague spoiler for your current project?

For Attollo, I’d say ‘Home is where the heart is.’ For Metamorphosis, to quote John Berendt, ‘Always stick around for one more drink.’

Q7: Lastly, what advice would you give to your readers?

What advice would I give to you all? Oh my, I’m not exactly a wise woman here, but I’ll do my best to give you something lmaooo. I think what I really want you to walk away with, from both my stories and this interview, is that if you’re passionate about something, then share it with the world. Don’t let anyone deter your passion.

I remember listening to this painter once who commented to his friend how he ‘really liked painting’, and his friend’s first response was ‘but are you good at it?’. He then compared this to the scenario of walking; would you say, ‘but are you good at it?’ to someone who said, ‘I really like walking’? No, because it simply wouldn’t make sense, and it doesn’t make sense to say that to anyone who’s doing something out of passion.

To put it simply—if you love something, then don’t let anyone take that passion from you. I began writing these stories because I’m passionate about Attollo and Metamorphosis; I love each character, each bit of lore, and I share it with you because I want you all to enjoy it as well. Am I the best writer? God, no. Does everyone like what I write? Definitely not. But will I let this stop me from writing, from enjoying what I’m doing? Never, and I want you to do the same.

Explore your passions, embrace your passions, and let what makes you happy continue to do so

[kmclaude]

Forgive me Father, I have no awful headcanons for you, only a general question on comic making. How do you do it, writing-wise/how do you decide what points go where, how do you plot it out (or do you have any resources on the writing aspect that you find useful?) Not to get too bogged down in details, but I attended a writer’s workshop and the author in residence suggested I transfer my wordy sci-fi WIP into graphic novel script, as it might work better. (I do draw, but I don’t know if I have it in me to draw a whole comic—characters in motion? Doing things? With backgrounds? How dare, why can’t everyone just stand around looking pretty)

I was interested but it quickly turned into a lot of internal screaming as I tried to figure out how to compress the hell out of it, since novels are free to do a lot more internal monologuing and such compared to a comic format (to say nothing of trying to write a script without seeing how the panels lay out—just for my own sake, I might have to do both concurrently.)

As an aside, to get a feel for graphic novels I was rereading 99RM and was reminded of how great it was—tightly plotted, intriguing, and anything to do with Ashmedai was just beautifully drawn. I need more Monsignor Tiefer and something something there are parallels between Jehan and Daniel in my head and I don’t know if they make sense but it works for me. (As an aside, I liked the emphasis on atonement being more than just the word sorry, but acknowledgment you did wrong and an attempt to remedy it—I don’t know why that spoke to me the way that it did.)

I thought Tumblr had a word count limit for asks but so far it has offered zero resistance, oh well. I don’t have much else to say but on the topic of 99RM, Adam getting under Monsignor’s skin is amazing, 10/10 (about the Pride picture earlier)

wow tumblr got rid of the markdown editor! or at least in asks which means the new editor probably has no markdown....god i hate this site! anyway...

Totally! So first, giant thank you for the compliments! Second, I have a few questions in turn for you before I dive into a sort of answer, since I can give some advice to your questions in general but it also sounds like you have a specific conundrum on your hands.

My questions to your specific situation are:

did the author give any reason for recommending a, in your words, "wordy" story be turned into a graphic novel?

is the story you're writing more, like you said, "internal monologuing"? action packed? where do the visuals come from?

do you WANT it to be a comic? furthermore, do you want it to be a comic you then must turn around and draw? or would you be interested in writing for comics as a comic writer to have your words turned into art?

With those questions in mind, let me jump into the questions you posed me!

Let me start with a confession...

I've said this before but let me say it again: Ninety-Nine Righteous Men was not originally a comic — it was a feature-length screenplay! And furthermore, it was written for a class so it got workshopped again and again to tighten the plot by a classroom of other nerds — so as kind as your compliments are, I'm giving credit where credit is due as that was not just a solo ship sailing on the sea. On top of that, it got adapted (by me) into a comic for my thesis, so my advisor also helped me make it translate or "read" well given I was director, actor, set designer, writer, editor, SFX guy, etc. all in one. And it was a huge help to have someone say "there is no way you can go blow by blow from script to comic: you need to make edits!" For instance, two scenes got compressed to simple dialogue overlaid on the splashpage of Ashmedai raping Caleb (with an insert panel of Adam and Daniel talking the next day.) What had been probably at least 5 pages became 1.

Additionally, I don't consider myself a strong plotter. That said, I found learning to write for film made the plotting process finally make some damn sense since the old plot diagram we all got taught in grammar school English never made sense as a reader and definitely made 0 sense as a writer — for me, for some reason, the breakdown of 25-50-25 (approx. 25 pages for act 1, 50 for act 2 split into 2 parts of 25 each, 25 pages for act 3) and the breaking down of the beats (the act turning points, the mid points, the low point) helped give me a structure that just "draw a mountain, rising action, climax is there, figure it out" never did. Maybe the plot diagram is visually too linear when stories have ebb and flow? I don't know. But it never clicked until screenwriting. So that's where I am coming from. YMMV.

I should also state that there's Official Ways To Write Comic Scripts to Be Drawn By An Artist (Especially If You Work For A Real Publisher As a Writer) and there's What Works For You/Your Team. I don't give a rat's ass about the former (and as an artist, I kind of hate panel by panel breakdowns like you see there) so I'm pretty much entirely writing on the latter here. I don't give a good god damn about official ways of doing anything: what works for you to get it done is what matters.

What Goes Where?

Like I said, 99RM was a screenplay so it follows, beat-wise, the 3-act screenplay structure (hell, it's probably more accurate to say it follows the act 1/act 2A/act 2B/act 3 structure.) So there was the story idea or concept that then got applied to those story beats associated with the structure, and from there came the Scene-by-scene Breakdown (or Expanded Scene Breakdown) which basically is an outline of beats broken down into individual scenes in short prose form so you get an overview of what happens, can see pacing, etc. In the resources at the end I put some links that give information on the whole story beat thing.

(As an aside: for all my short comics, I don't bother with all that, frankly. I usually have an image or a concept or a bit of writing — usually dialogue or monologue, sometimes a concrete scene — that I pick at and pick at in a little sketchbook, going back and forth between writing and thumbnail sketches of the page. Or I just go by the seat of my pants and bullshit my way through. Either or. Those in many ways are a bit more like poems, in my mind: they are images, they are snapshots, they are feelings that I'm capturing in a few panels. Think doing mental math rather than writing out geometric proofs, yanno?)

Personally, I tend to lean on dialogue as it comes easier for me (it's probably why I'm so drawn to screenwriting!) so for me, if I were to do another longform GN, I'd probably take my general "uhhhhhh I have an idea and some beats maybe so I guess this should happen this way?" outline and start breaking it down scene by scene (I tend to write down scenes or scene sketches in that "uhhhh?" outline anyway LOL) and then figure out basic dialogue and action beats — in short, I'd kind of do the work of writing a screenplay without necessarily going full screenplay format (though I did find the format gave me an idea of timing/pacing, as 1 page of formatted script is about equal to 1 minute of screentime, and gave me room to sketch thumbnails or make edits on the large margins!) If you're not a monologue/soliloque/dialogue/speech person and more an image and description person, you may lean more into visuals and scenes that cut to each other.

Either way this of course introduces the elephant in the panel: art! How do you choose what to draw?

The answer is, well, it depends! The freedom of comics is if you can imagine it, you can make it happen. You have the freedoms (and audio limitations) of a truly silent film with none of the physical limitations. Your words can move in real time with the images or they can be a narrative related to the scene or they could be nonsequitors entirely! The better question is how do you think? Do you need all the words and action written first before you break down the visuals? Do you need a panel by panel breakdown to be happy, or can you freewheel and translate from word and general outlines to thumbnails? What suits you? I really cannot answer this because I think when it comes to what goes where with regard to art, it's a bit of "how do you process visuals" and also a bit of "who's drawing this?" — effectively, who is the interpreter for the exact thing you are writing? Is it you or someone else? If it's you, would you benefit from a barebones script alongside thumbnailed paneling? Would you be served by a barebones script, then thumbnails, then a new script that includes panel and page breakdowns? What frees you up to do what you need to do to tell your story?

If I'm being honest, I don't necessarily worry about panels or what something will look like necessarily until I'm done writing. I may have an image that I clearly state needs to happen. I may even have a sequence of panels that I want to see and I do indeed sketch that out and make note of it in my script. But exactly how things will be laid out, paneled, situated? That could change up until I've sketched my final pencils in CSP (but I am writer and artist so admittedly I get that luxury.)

How do I compress from novel to comic?

Honest answer? You don't. Not really. You adapt from one to another. It's more a translation. Something that would take forever to write may take 1 page in a comic or may take a whole issue.

I'm going to pick on Victor Hugo. Victor Hugo spent a whole-ass book in Notre-Dame de Paris talking about a bird's eye view of Paris and other medieval architecture boring stuff, with I guess some foreshadowing with Montfaucon. Who cares. Not me. I like story. Anyway. When we translate that book to a movie any of the billion times someone's done that, we don't spend a billion years talking at length about medieval Paris. There's no great monologuing about the gibbet or whatever: you get to have some establishing shots, maybe a musical number, and then you move tf on. Because it's a movie, right? Your visuals are right there. We can see medieval Paris. We can see the cathedral. We can see the gibbet. We don't need a whole book: it's visually right there. Same with a comic: you may need many paragraphs to describe, say, a space station off of Sirius and one panel to show it.

On the flip side, you may take one line, maybe two, to say a character keyed in the special code to activate the holodeck; depending on the visual pacing, that could be a whole page of panels (are we trying to stretch time? slow it down? what are we emphasizing?) A character gives a sigh of relief — one line of text, yeah? That could be a frozen panel while a conversation continues on or that could be two (or more!) panels, similar to the direction [a beat] in screenwriting.

Sorry there's not a super easy answer there to the question of compression: it's a lot more of a tug, a push-pull, that depends on what you're conveying.

So Do I Have It In Me to Write & Draw a GN?

The only way you'll know is by doing. Scary, right? The thing is, you don't necessarily need to be an animation king or God's gift to background artists to draw a comic.

Hell, I hate backgrounds. I still remember sitting across from my friend who said "Claude you really need to draw an establishing exterior of the church at some point" and me being like "why do you hate me specifically" because drawing architecture? Again? I already drew the interior of the church altar ONCE, that should be enough, right? But I did draw an exterior of the church. Sorta. More like the top steeple. Enough to suggest what I needed to suggest to give the audience a better sense of place without me absolutely losing my gourd trying to render something out of my wheelhouse at the time.

And that's kinda the ticket, I think. Not everyone's a master draftsman. Not everyone has all the skills in every area. And regardless, from page one to page one hundred, your skills will improve. That's all part of it — and in the meantime, you should lean into your strengths and cheat where you can.

Do you need to lovingly render a background every single panel? Christ no! Does every little detail need to be drawn out? Sure if you want your hand to fall off. Cheat! Use Sketchup to build models! Use Blender to sculpt forms to paint over! Use CSP Assets for prebuilt models and brushes if you use CSP! Take photographs and manip them! Cheat! Do what you need to do to convey what you need to convey!

For instance, a tip/axiom/"rule" I've seen is one establishing shot per scene minimum and a corollary to that has been include a background once per page minimum as grounding (no we cannot all have eternal floating heads and characters in the void. Unless your comic is set in the void. In which case, you do you.) People ain't out here drawing hyper detailed backgrounds per each tiny panel. The people who DO do that are insane. Or stupid. Or both. Or have no deadline? Either way, someone's gonna have a repetitive stress injury... Save yourself the pain and the headache. Take shortcuts. Save your punches for the big K.O. moments.

Start small. Make an 8-page zine. Tell a beginning, a middle, an end in comic form. Bring a scene to life in a few pages. See what you're comfortable drawing and where you struggle. See where you can lean heavily into your comfort zones. Learn how to lean out of your comfort zone. Learn when it's worth it to do the latter.

Or start large. Technically my first finished comic (that wasn't "a dumb pencil thing I drew in elementary school" or "that 13 volume manga I outlined and only penciled, what, 7 pages of in sixth grade" or "random one page things I draw about my characters on throw up on the interwebz") was 99RM so what do I know. I'm just some guy on the internet.

(That's not self-deprecating, I literally am some guy on the internet talking about my path. A lot of this is gonna come down to you and what vibes with you.)

Resources on writing

Some of these are things that help me and some are things that I crowd-sourced from others. Some of these are going to be screenwriting based, some will be comic based.

Making Comics by Scott McCloud: I think everyone recommends this but I think it is a useful book if you're like "ahh!!! christ!! where do I start!!!???" It very much breaks down the elements of comics and the world they exist in and the principles involved, with the caveat that there are no rules! In fact, I need to re-read it.

Comic Book Design: I picked this up at B&N on a whim and in terms of just getting a bird's eye view of varied ways to tackle layout and paneling? It's such a great resource and reference! I personally recommend it as a way to really get a feel for what can be done.

the screenwriter's bible: this is a book that was used in my class. we also used another book that's escaping me but to be honest, I never read anything in school and that's why I'm so stupid. anyway, I'd say check it out if you want, especially if you start googling screenwriting stuff and it's like 20 billion pieces of advice that make 0 sense -- get the core advice from one place and then go from there.

Drawing Words & Writing Pictures: many people I know recommended this. I think I have it? It may be in storage. So frankly, I'd already read a bunch of books on comics before grabbing this that it kind of felt like a rehash. Which isn't shade on the authors — I personally was just a sort of "girl, I don't need comics 101!!!"

Invisible Ink: A Practical Guide to Building Stories that Resonate: this has been recommended so many times to me. I cannot personally speak on it but I can say I do trust those who rec'd it to me so I am passing it along

the story circle: this is pretty much the hero's journey. a useful way to think of journeys! a homie pretty much swears by it

a primer on beats: quick google search got me this that outlines storybeats

save the cat!: what the above refers to, this gives a more genre-specific breakdown. also wants to sell you on the software but you don't need that.

I hope this helps and please feel free to touch base with more info about your specific situation and hopefully I'll have more applicable answers.

[brightly-painted-canvas]

TOG fandom - Italian swear words! (a little help for fellow writers)

Hi fam! As I’m falling more and more down the rabbit hole of The Old Guard’s fics and arts, I am noticing that, after the partial success of this post I wrote about Italian terms of endearment and some other posts from other lovely Italian users (like @giotanner for example :D ), we now might need a specific post about Italian swear words or at least something to enrich the vocabulary of the characters in your fic (I know you like that!). After all, aren’t swearings and insults the first things one learns when approaching a new language? ;D

Here’s how to swear like a sailor in my beloved mother tongue! (NOTE: this is modern Italian so of course keep in mind that some of these words may not work for Nicolò or Yusuf if you’re writing something historical and you’re concerned about it being as accurate as possible)

(let’s see if this gets flagged for inappropriate language shall we lol)

cazzo! = fuck! this one’s easy. We use it as an exclamation if something is going/went badly. In my household is mostly used when the cat breaks something of I suddenly realise I’ve forgotten something important: ‘Cazzo! Ecco cosa dovevo fare!’ = ‘Fuck! I was supposed to do that!’. Literally it translates to dick/cock cazzo di... = fucking... ‘Where is my fucking pen?’ = ‘Dov’è la mia cazzo di penna?’; ‘shut your fucking mouth!’ = ‘chiudi quella cazzo di bocca!’; ‘i’m so fucking hungry’ = ‘ho una cazzo di fame’ fottuto /a/i/e (adj) & fottutamente (adv) = (also) fucking... I enjoy using this (both the adverb and the adjective form) more that the other common forms, but it is rarely used frequently because it tends to sound... off. Like a bit old, archaic. Which may work for us! 'it’s fucking annoying’ = ‘è fottutamente fastidioso’; ‘where’s my fucking pen?’ = ‘dov’è la mia fottuta penna?’. (NOTE: remember that Italian changes suffix depending on genders and numbers. La fottuta penna, le fottute penne, il fottuto gatto, i fottuti gatti... make sure you use the correct form when translating an article/noun/adjective, ecc.) merda! = shit! similar the French word, of course. Still an exclamation and the literal translation is exactly shit (easy peasy!) di merda = fucking yup, that works too! ‘Where’s my fucking pen?’ = ‘Dov’è la mia penna di merda?’ and so on, still does the job perfectly bastardo (/a/i/e) = bastard/s imho works better in a historical context, it’s a word that sounds ‘old’ (PRO TIP! Try ‘fottuto bastardo’ = ‘fucking bastard’ for when crusader!Nicolò wants to insult someone. It has the nice sound of something with the right meaning, but that isn’t much used anymore in modern Italian) stronzo (/a/i/e) or pezzo di stronzo/merda = piece of shit coglione = asshole this is a bit tricky because asshole in Italian is ‘buco del culo’, but we don’t use it as an insult (in the Roman dialect is used, I believe, as an exclamation about luck as in ‘sono stato fortunato! bucio de culo!’ = ‘i’ve been lucky!’ but I am not that familiar with the dialect - I’m from northern Italy - so maybe I’ve got it wrong... in the rest of Italy saying ‘che culo!’ as in ‘that was lucky!’ works, tho). The ‘coglioni’ are the balls, but when you want to say balls you usually use the word ‘palle’, so coglione/i stays weirdly in that limbo where the word has a meaning but then it’s used in some other way... (interesting fact: star sulle palle means hating someone’s guts. You can use it like this: ‘mi stai sulle palle’ = ‘I hate your guts’. Also, ‘che palle!’ = ‘boring!’) a quick list of other fairly used insults: testa di cazzo (dick head), figlio di puttana (son of a whore), imbecille or deficiente (moron), idiota or cretino or scemo (idiot), cornuto (cuckold, literally ‘with horns’) (feel free to add to the list or to ask if you need something more specific you can’t find)

Now on to something that’s rather a delicate topic (and the main reason why I felt the need to write this long post): le bestemmie (profanities). In Italy, profanities are spread and common, but still highly frowned upon. They are part of almost all local dialects (frequently used mindlessly as ‘intercalations’ between words when speaking) and lately they are also part of young people’s slangs, but still they are considered ‘wrong’. An example? If a footballer is caught saying blasphemy on the pitch, they can be expelled or (with camera proof), sanctioned. Italy is still a highly religious country and there’s sensibility on this topic so please, refrain to make your characters speak blasphemy. It is somehow cringy, especially in written form. And also think about Nicky: he may not be the pious God fearing man he once has been, but I don’t think he would have gone as far as starting to speak the Lord’s name in vain? Avoid combining words like Signore (Lord), Dio or Iddio (God), Gesù (Jesus), Cristo (Christ), Maria/Madonna (Mary) with all the above mentioned words (like bastardo or cazzo) and with other commonly used words for profanity (like cane = dog or porco = pork). (NOTE: Dio/Iddio, Gesù and Cristo can be used as exclamations, just like in English) What Joe says in the movie (”Santa Maria madre di Dio!”) is accepted as he is basically quoting the Hail Mary, which is commonly done as exclamations (another one I adore is saying “Gesù, Giuseppe e Maria!” which my math professor did every time someone made a huge mistake during exams). I can gift you my favourite exclamation ever: oddio!/mioddio! (basically a crasis between ‘oh’ and ‘God’, ‘oh my god’ = ‘oh mio Dio’) which is fairly safe and in my head works perfectly as something Nicky might frequently use: ‘Mioddio, Joe! Non è il momento!’ = ‘My God, Joe! Not the time!’, ‘Amore, guarda che carino quel gatto!’ ‘Oddiooo’ = ‘Love, look how cute that cat is!’ ‘Oh myyyy!’. It is clean and also sounds a bit cute. NOTE: my sister @gaiayukari85 forced me to add her own favourite exclamation which is ‘cristiddio!’ (crasis between Christ and God) she often uses when I do something that exasperates her :)

I will stop here but remember that we only scraped the surface of a whole sea of swear words and insults we Italians produce and invent on a daily basis... that’s how we roll. Remember that if you’ve got questions or want to ask about something more specific, my ask box is always open! :) Have fun writing Italian dialogues for our favourite immortal husbands!

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Guiltrip

So, my week has been hell. In addition to working night and day on final essays for my classes, I've been really busy at work lately, and the second COVID vaccine shot really took a lot out of me this week. And that's not even getting into the bureaucratic nonsense that comes with applying for the MTEL which is slowly making me wonder if I actually want to teach in the first place.

But, despite all that, there was a single light of hope this week that almost made it all worth it.

STAR WARS: THE BAD BATCH, BABY!

OH MY GOD, THIS SHOW IS AMAZING! I ALWAYS LOVED THE CLONE-CENTRIC EPISODES OF THE CLONE WARS, AND NOW WE GET AN ENTIRE SHOW ABOUT AN ELITE TEAM OF THEM? KICKASS! AND IT TAKES PLACE AFTER ORDER 66 WITH GRAND MOFF TARKIN AS THE MAIN VILLAIN? SWEET MOTHER OF GEORGE LUCAS, I CAN'T WAIT! I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THEY TRADED IN THE COOL SNIPER CLONE FOR SOME LITTLE GIRL CLONE, I ALREADY WANT TO SEE MORE THAN THE TWO EPISODES WE GOT SO FAR! GOD, I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Oh yeah, there was also a new episode of Miraculous Ladybug that aired on the same day too, I guess. It was pretty good. Hell of a lot better than the past three episodes I've sat through.

Let's get into the fifth (chronologically the eleventh) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Guiltrip

We start off in the middle of class where we see Marinette looking at Adrien lovingly.

Because the writers are still trying to push the Love Square on us as if they were trying to sell us some death sticks. And yes, expect a few Star Wars jokes in this review. This episode did premiere on May 4th after all.

Rose suddenly gets a headache, and asks to go to the nurse, saying that “Miss Dora” is back. While walking there with Marinette, she explains that it's a code name she gives when her head hurts and can tell Miss Bustier without letting everyone know. She probably felt a name like “Maya Grain” would just give it away.

At lunch, Juleka gets a text that really upsets her, so Marinette tries to cheer her up. Keyword being “tries”.

Okay, yes, this is referencing the previous scene, where Rose refers to a certain snack at the nurse's office she eats to recover her health whenever “Miss Dora” visits called “Mr. Coffee”, but it's just bad timing. I get Marinette has a habit of not reading the room, but why did she have to use the term “Miss Dora” when she knows what it's being used for? Sure, she doesn't know that Juleka knows, but did she really have to say “Miss Dora”? She couldn't have used any other name instead? It's like making a chemotherapy joke when you just found out someone close to you has cancer. Even putting the context aside, what is this joke's punchline supposed to be? That “Miss Dora” will visit Juleka if she eats her lunch? Even by the humor standards of this show, the joke fails spectacularly.

Marinette bumps into Adrien, and although she stutters a little with a little exaggerated body movement, she does manage to take things seriously so she can have an actual conversation with Adrien about Juleka, who wants to be alone. She explains that the text she got was from Rose, who was sent to the hospital because of her sickness, and the entire class finds out because Marinette texted everyone to come to check on Juleka.

Goddamn it, Marinette. I usually defend you for getting screwed over by the writing, but you really aren't on your A game today.

Juleka explains that Rose got this sickness when she was little, which naturally worried everyone else. To make things worse, Juleka also says Rose made her swear to not tell anyone about her to worry her. Everyone else swears to not let Rose know that they know, and the act of support is actually enough to drive away an Akuma targeted at Juleka.

Unfortunately, nobody ever said anything about being overly affectionate to Rose, so everyone in the class tries to do things for Rose like carry her bags, giving her a pillow to sit on in school, helping her take notes, letting her cut in line at lunch, and giving her apples.

All of this makes Juleka remorsefully tell Rose that she told everyone else, which worries her because she hates all the special treatment, so she goes to tell them all about her illness. While they seem to accept her, the next time she sneezes, they overreact like, uh... how can I make this joke in a tasteful way?

Rose says she's had enough with all the treatment, which makes Juleka feel guilty. In the bathroom, she gets akumatized into Reflekta (yet again) with a Sentimonster named Guiltrip. And then Reflekta immediately gets sucked into the Sentimonster, which will cause it to go out of control. Nice job, Shadowmoth.

While it might not look like much, this is easily my favorite Sentimonster by far. Granted, that's not saying much, given all we've gotten so far for Sentimonsters is bootleg Mothra, sentient candy, a robotic doll, a frog with a body count, yet another evil doppelganger, and an eye, but my point still stands. Rather than actually confront the heroes, it's basically a portal to another world where it can trap people in bubbles that represent their regrets and despair, and turn them into copies of Reflekta.

It's a really strong metaphor which reminds me of the villains from Kamen Rider Wizard, who tried to drive their victims to despair in order to turn them into monsters. Ironically, that show's main villain is also some asshole in white who was risking countless lives just to save someone close to him. In general, the area inside of Guiltrip is visually stunning, and easily the highlight of the episode. It's just so surreal, and it really sets the tone the episode's going for.

Ladybug and Cat Noir arrive on the scene, and also get sucked into the portal, seeing some of the victims before they also start to fall into despair. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is one of the few times where Angstdrien Depreste is thematically appropriate. Cat Noir points out that if they had simply defeated Shadowmoth by now, none of this would be happening, which is a good point. He even attempts to kill himself using his Cataclysm, but unlike RWBY, they don't try to glorify it.

This also leads to Rose managing to fight off Guiltrip's powers with her optimistic personality (so I guess you could say she's A New Hope for the heroes), inspiring Ladybug to compliment Cat Noir. While I'd normally be pissed that this is yet another way to boost his ego, it does fit in with the episode's theme of positive thinking. Well, with the exception of one line where she points out what her time as Ladybug would be like without Cat Noir...

BEING A SUPERHERO IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. Yes, there are certain benefits to being a superhero, but it is not a fun game you play when lives are on the line. Why are the writers so dedicated to validate Cat Noir's beliefs that being a hero is just a fun extracurricular activity? Has there ever been a superhero who shares a similar mentality and isn't treated like a complete jackass?

So Ladybug and Cat Noir break free of the bubbles, and after summoning her Lucky Charm, a pickaxe, Ladybug realizes she needs more positivity to break free from Guiltrip. As such, she pulls out the Pig Miraculous and gives it to Rose, who transforms into Pigella. Funny how she forgot her little headache condition when she bangs her head like a death metal singer while transforming.

The design is... wait, she's not wearing a skin-tight jumpsuit? She's actually wearing something different?

Yeah, I really like the Pigella design. There's a good mix of pink and white, and the skirt really brings the whole thing together. It really reflects Rose's optimistic and bubbly personality.

So the three heroes find Reflekta, who has been consumed by tons of bubbles. Pigella uses her superpower, Gift, to show Reflekta what her heart wants the most right now. So it's basically a more specific version of the Fox Miraculous? In fact, what do pigs have to do with optimism?

Whatever reason, it works, which helps Reflekta to break free of Guiltrip's influence, letting Ladybug de-evilize her. But because we need to have a fight scene in this episode, the Reflekta clones start to attack the heroes, but Ladybug uses the pickaxe to climb out of Guiltrip and purify the Amok.

So Rose hands the Pig Miraculous back to Ladybug, and the episode ends with everyone treating Rose normally in class, realizing she isn't as delicate as she thinks she is.

So yeah, I really like this episode. Aside from a few stupid things Marinette said this episode, I honestly don't have a lot of problems with the episode here.

I also really like the lesson this episode is going for. It doesn't shame Rose for rejecting the help, and it doesn't shame the class for being to overprotective of Rose either. It tries to find a middle ground, which is an important lesson to learn, not just for dealing with a loved one who has an illness, but for disabled people and other kinds of situations where someone has a disadvantage. Even as much as I ragged on Marinette for the text, it's clear that she isn't the only one to blame. In fact, nobody really gets blamed for anything this episode. It's more of a misunderstanding, and both sides find a balance on how to treat Rose.

It's overall a really good episode, and the second best one so far this season. And you know what? This episode taught me the importance of staying positive, so with that in mind, maybe I shouldn't be dreading “Queen Banana” when it comes out this week.

Wait, what? It got pushed back two weeks? Oh, THANK GOD! Now I feel like dancing. And I know exactly what song to dance to...

[wings-of-a-storm]

One of the things I hate most about the way the love triangle was handled, other than the fact that it literally came out of nowhere, is the fact the writers decided to throw all these (real) relationship problems at Venji to give Victor the excuse to get close to someone else. Plus the fact that Rahim said he didn't mean to get between them, but he had no problem sweeping in and telling Victor how he felt and kissing him after witnessing Venji arguing. He saw his opportunity and he took it.

Anon, I love your passion.

To start with, yeh, I think it was a disservice to Victor and Benji to skip over a lot of their honeymoon period just because it was too smooth-sailing and not dramatic enough for television. To start the season focusing a lot on the outside forces making them sad and putting strain on their relationship pretty much biases people against Venji before they’ve had a fair chance to show their strengths. The average viewer isn’t going to spend time imagining the good stuff but will only focus on the emotions right in front of them -- the tough stuff. It gives an unbalanced perception that their relationship is just full of tension from the get-go. Throw us a bone, writers!

The Love Triangle:

Okay, to be fair to Vahim, I don’t think the love triangle completely came out of nowhere. The direction/camera-work did show us a lot of small breadcrumbs leading up to their day out, like prolonged stares and white privilege connection and Victor openly oogling Rahim’s naked torso. But that being said, an attraction to another human and a new friendship that covers a few areas that weren’t previously being covered does not automatically lead to a love triangle dilemma. It just means Victor has eyes and room for all sorts of friendships, you know? So in that sense, it did feel (for me) like the love triangle was kind of an over-the-top reaction for Victor once it eventually appeared…

I really feel you with the frustration of the writers throwing ‘challenges’ at Victor and Benji, not so they can work on them like all new couples, but to justify space for a third party to wiggle through for dramatic purposes…

Like, a few times the situations felt less like an organic occurrence and more like a plot device -- namely whenever Victor had to explain anything to Benji without actually explaining anything. The ‘lesbian aunt with a thing for dachshunds’ was meant to mean something obvious to Benji, same with Adrian referring to Benji as Victor’s ‘french toast’ as a sign of acceptance. Would Victor really be that continually obtuse as to explain things only via in-joke phrases that Benji obviously was never present for to de-code?? I kept having to suspend my disbelief for that level of ineptitude and vacancy…

I also had to suspend my disbelief for the climax of Victor’s dilemma in the final episode. Like, it is canon that Victor made a hell of a lot of deep and varied memories with Benji throughout season one, over the summer we never got to see much of between seasons, and then throughout season two (eg. the secret hand signal of epic sappiness that contained Benji’s patience and sacrifice and touched Victor enough to come out at school; the peaceful and meaningful I Love You exchanges in the early morning light, etc).

These were Moments and they happened over months. And yet we were meant to organically believe that the very recent memories with Rahim, as charismatic as he is, would be on equal footing with a developed relationship? Even just with memory recall, wouldn’t that be like short-term memory versus the deeper retention of long-term? So I could understand Victor’s confusion while he was still in shock/processing the kiss, but it felt a bit forced to have that lead to an actual Dilemma of who to choose that very night…

Rahim S2 VS Victor S1:

Ah yes, Rahim making his move was an interesting one… With only season two in mind, I confess I can’t really blame Rahim for making his move. He was longing to experience a relationship, he really connected with Victor, he saw Benji was probably prepping for a breakup and the time was near, and he is a romantic who saw his chance to confess his feelings instead of always regretting staying silent. And since he is a romantic, notions like ‘fate’ and ‘timing’ would inspire him to want to go for it in case it was fate that Benji and Victor were having problems because Rahim is The One meant for Victor. Like I totally get that mindset, especially in high school where anything feels possible.

But with season one in mind, where we had a parallel of this kind of moment with Victor in Rahim’s shoes, you obviously can’t help but compare Victor’s choices compared to Rahim’s. And yeh, I agree that Victor’s come off in a far better light -- Victor didn’t want to cause problems between Benji and Derek when he was forced to see the reality of the mess with Derek and Benji fighting in public. He didn’t want to put Benji through a ton of stress. He wanted Benji to be happy. So he stood in front of Derek, rather like an unarmed man facing a sword pointed at his throat, and defended Benji and tried to compliment Derek’s and Benji’s supposedly amazing relationship to patch things up. He then surrendered and left them alone to their relationship.

Rahim…didn’t do that. He didn’t try to chase after Benji to reassure him about the slow-dance despite knowing how sad Victor had been without Benji. In fact, he made it harder for Victor by escalating the unnamed thing between them right into cheating territory. And that sequence did rub me the wrong way because from my own experience, when you really like someone, like truly like them, you want them to be happy, even if that isn’t with you. You don’t want to get between them and the partner they are in love with and take that away from them. You feel all of that because the person you adore deserves the world, you know? And yeh, Victor did that for Benji but Rahim didn’t do that for Victor… (And Rahim saw Venji’s good moments together at school and envied them for it and photographed it, so he knew how happy they were together when they weren’t fighting so…no excuse, bro...)

I think you summed everything up nicely, Anon, with a simple but efficient: I hate it! XD

[the-writers-bookshelf]

I have a question.

So, a lot of people talk about how to find the motivation to write, and others talk about keeping/not losing that motivation once you have it, but do you have any suggestions for getting motivation back once you’ve lost it?

This is a GREAT question! :D

Ultimately, I recommend three things:

1. Patience

Something made you lose your motivation. Whatever it is that you're dealing with, it's a process of healing to get back on your feet and that takes time. 

Chances are, you won't be the same person that you were before. Your motivation, your creative energy, and in turn, your writing, will be different.

So be patient with yourself and your writing as you figure out your new system!

2. Celebrate every word you write

It's really, REALLY important to recognize and appreciate every writing session you DO have. Maybe they're few and far between. Maybe you've only written one day out of three months. But you DID write! Recognize those baby steps! They ARE progress!

Think of it this way: when a child is learning how to walk, if they take a few steps and fall, do you shame them for the fall? Do you put them down and say, “Hey, you should really be walking better by now. Why can’t you get this? Why can’t you work harder at walking?”

You recognize the steps, you praise them for the effort they made.

That might sound a little simplistic and possibly even patronizing (I know you’re not a baby!! bear with me here!) but depending on what part of the world you live in, society may hold some heavy guilt and shame connotations that you might have internalized.

Try treating yourself with kindness and see how much better you feel! ♥

3. Pin-point the problem

Have you been working on a project too long and your motivation is non-existent when you think about continuing it?

Maybe you need to change things up and try something new!

Do you have a dozen WIPs and your motivation is zapped when you think about diving in?

Maybe you need to narrow down and focus on one project at a time!

Does your motivation go bye-bye when you think about the marathon of writing required to complete a novel or series?

Maybe try to stop thinking about required word counts and telling your story, piece by piece, like a puzzle.

Maybe you’re in a rut. Maybe you just don’t like your projects. Or maybe you’ve been criticized for your writing and you don’t feel motivated to write anymore.

Try to pin-point what exactly is causing the lack of motivation. If you’re bored, change things up and try other methods of storytelling! If you’ve been criticized for your writing, remind yourself of all the good things you like about writing. If you’re just plain tired, give yourself the rest you need and write when you can (and don’t forget to celebrate every word! :)

(Honorable Mention)

4. Temper your expectations

Do you feel like you HAVE to write a set word count daily to be a successful writer?

Do you feel frustrated that you can’t write as much as you used to?

Do you feel a lack of enthusiasm when it comes to writing in general?

Sometimes, a lack of motivation can just be the simple fact that the bar has been set WAY too high. If you find yourself thinking about an end goal in mind that you’re not reaching, so you feel de-motivated because of it, release the thought of that goal and see what happens!

Overall, regaining your motivation takes some elbow grease, and it can be maddeningly slow. And I don’t think it ever truly returns in a BANG of glory. 

Be patient with yourself. Rest. Experiment and play with your writing. Leave expectations behind and just create for yourself to see what happens! ♥

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[rosiesandlilies]

𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝

Roseanne Park x Female Reader 

(7.1k words)

Sypnopsis:  roseanne makes the mistake of dating korean soloist; y/n lee. when she leaves her with a broken heart, roseanne can't help but still want her. lisa comes along and manages to capture roseanne's heart, but each time roseanne stares into lisa's eyes, she sees y/n. ignoring the weird looks she receives from her family and friends when they see the close resemblance to the soloist - roseanne wants to love lisa and a part of her does, but she hates y/n for not letting her move on; especially when her eyes are closed.

A/N: This is originally my work posted on wattpad hehe, but I decided to post it on here to share with you guys~ hopefully you all will enjoy it :) Italics will be memories while Bold will be the interview process. 

~

UN Village, Hannam The Hills, Seoul 3:00AM

Rosé's POV.

roseanne knows she shouldn't be doing this. she knows she shouldn't be watching a replay of her ex's interview for her latest single, the same single that roseanne helped her write. roseanne shouldn't be doing this, especially when lisa's sleeping a floor above her.

but she can't seem to care, not when she's done this hundreds of times.

roseanne watches the screen, she's replayed the interview two times already, each time, roseanne finds herself yearning for more. her fingers ache to touch y/n's supple skin, her lips tingle as she watches her ex-lover's lips move and smile.

roseanne's heart clenches, it squeezes and then explodes.

roseanne knew it was a bad idea to date a celebrity, a famous one at that. roseanne knew it was a bad idea to kiss the celebrity when she was warned that the girl wasn't one to 'commit.' all these bad decisions on her end, led her here; sneaking away from lisa's arms just to watch the one who broke her heart months ago. 

"so tell us y/n, what's the meaning of this new song of yours?"

"well..it's about two lovers dating each other despite what the world around them thinks. they're willing to take risks and despite knowing how the game love works, they're putting their hearts on the line."

"what a beautiful meaning! how long have you worked on this song for?"

"around 10 months? it was on a whim actually, drinking cheap beer on top of a rooftop and boom, the idea popped out."

roseanne remembers that night like it was yesterday, y/n had surprised her at her work and suggested they take a better look at seoul. during that time, roseanne had no idea what she was talking about, but as soon as she was met with the cold breeze of seoul at night, she knew exactly what y/n was trying to say.

roseanne loved cheap beer and that was a fact that y/n apparently never forgot.

roseanne watches y/n look at the view in front of them, she tilts her head and lets it rest on y/n's shoulder. "what are you thinking of?" roseanne was curious to see inside the head of her lover. "nothing," y/n responded, gulping down the remainder of her beer before giving roseanne that smile that made her knees buckle. "that's not nothing, what's up baby?" roseanne takes y/n's hand in hers, feeling y/n close to her made her feel safe.

"i've just been stressed but that's not out of the ordinary," roseanne traces the tattoo on y/n's elbow. to roseanne, the tattoos that y/n got were beautiful, it fit the musician well and gave her that badass look that she loves so much. "is there anything i can do to help you de-stress?" roseanne asked innocently but her intentions were far from it. somehow, y/n always made her feel needy.

"you know i'd love nothing more than to please you, but you're tired and so am i. i just want to stay like this," roseanne feels a kiss getting planted on her head and she smiles. she's content and happy. if this was what heaven felt like, roseanne was glad to die tomorrow.

"okay..we can stay like this," roseanne looks out at the city view of seoul once more, her heart beating for the girl with tattoos sitting next to her. "i want to write a song," y/n suddenly blurted out. "oh yeah? what about?"

roseanne is sure she saw an angel with the way y/n was looking at her. post recording studio haze, brown hair messy, lips shining from the beer she's been nursing, eyes holding so much admiration; oozing with what roseanne believed was love. y/n looked absolutely stunning.

"about us." two words, yet roseanne felt like she was floating.

roseanne continues to watch the interview of y/n. she's dressed in lisa's shirt, lisa's sweatpants but she wished deep down that she was smelling the scent of y/n and not lisa.

"what are some of the crucial parts that your fans should look out for?"

"i don't necessarily think that there's crucial parts, i think the whole song is crucial and that they should look out for the whole thing."

"you said that someone had helped you write this song, do you mind telling us who helped you write it? was it jennie?"

roseanne scoffs, how could she forget? three months after the break up, y/n was already moved on with another girl. runway model jennie kim.

it hurts roseanne's heart to know just how easily replaceable she was to y/n. exactly a year has passed since the break up and it took roseanne eight whole months to get over y/n and another two just to date someone else. someone that creepily resembled y/n.

"uhm..no, it's not jennie who helped me write the song. it was actually a..friend of mine who helped me. she's a good writer."

"your credits for the song include a lot of brilliant producers and composers but one name caught our attention. for the lyric credits, you're credited but also someone who goes by ROSÉ was credited. is she the friend you're talking about?"

"...yeah. rosé is the friend i'm talking about."

"you have some very talented friends y/n,"

"yeah, they're all very talented."

"is this friend of yours an upcoming composer or lyricist?"

"no, she's actually just a normal human being with a normal occupation."

"your fans around the world are quite the detectives, they noticed the shift of tone and lyrics in the second half of the song. would you mind explaining your train of thought during the switch from being in love to sudden heart break?"

roseanne catches herself holding her breath. she hasn't listened to the new song yet, she was too afraid. afraid that if she does, she'll go back crawling to y/n and begging her to take her back despite her being the one who broke roseanne's heart.

she and lisa have something great going on, there's something blossoming and she's eager to know what it is and how it'll play out. will it be the same or will it not? something inside roseanne tells her that lisa is different, but she can't shake off the feeling of wanting to be back in y/n's arms, hearing her whisper lies that roseanne wishes were real.

"as i stated earlier, this song is also about putting your heart on the line, so in the beginning it's all happiness, potential love that the couple feels but as the song progresses like how a relationship progresses, it turned bitter and empty and i wanted to portray how the relationship went from beginning to end in the song. so as the relationship bloomed in the beginning, the song starts happy but as the relationship took a turn and became cold, the other half of the song turned empty. the song progresses the way the relationship progressed."

"that's really deep. it seems like it's personal to you, did you take on this song from personal experience?"

roseanne already knows how this part goes, she's watched it two times already, but that doesn't mean each time hurt any less, in fact, it hurt more.

"no. not from personal experience. like i said, it was just on a whim."

roseanne breaks down, her body shakes as she reaches for the remote and shuts off the television like an idiot. now that roseanne knew that she was just a 'whim' to y/n, she feels incredibly stupid for yearning for her.

she curls onto the blanket she brought down with her, she snuggles into lisa's sweatshirt and despite the pain seeping into the cracks that she temporarily fixed, she wished she was smelling y/n instead.

that laundry detergent smell mixed with flowers and cologne. roseanne wants to smell it again.

"rosie? baby?" roseanne sits up, a dark figure blocking her view. roseanne is engulfed in the same scent on her clothes, "yeah lisa?"

roseanne watches the tall girl take a seat beside her. her big brown eyes shining despite the darkness in the room. "what are you doing down here baby? i woke up and you weren't by my side," lisa pouts and roseanne can't help the giggle that escapes her mouth. her eyes trained on lisa's lips and she suddenly remembers a different pair. "i'm sorry babe..i just couldn't fall back asleep and i didn't want to disturb you with my tossing and turning," roseanne lets the lies flow right out of her mouth. she didn't want to but she was used to it.

"can we go back to bed then? i promise i'll find a way to make you fall asleep," lisa tucks her head into roseanne's neck and starts kissing the soft skin. roseanne bites her lip and closes her eyes, she feels her heart speed up at the memory of y/n doing the exact same thing. "close your eyes rosie.." roseanne complies, and sucks in a breath when y/n kisses her pulse point just behind her left ear. lisa continues to suck on her pulse point, sucking then nipping before kissing it, this action continues and when roseanne opens up her eyes, y/n's gone.

"let's go back to bed?" lisa asks, her breath quiet as her lips hover over roseanne's. roseanne squeals when lisa lifts her up by her thighs and tugs off her own sweatshirt around the lilac's torso, leaving her naked from the top up.

roseanne lets herself enjoy being in lisa's arms. somewhere deep inside her, her heart beats, it's not quick, but it beats steadily and it beats for lisa,

not y/n.

~

roseanne regrets choosing an occupation that involved tattooing people, she should curse her love for art. why did she try so hard to become a tattoo artist in one of seoul's most exclusive parlours? one where wealthy celebrities loved visiting? why did she decide to stay at the exact place where she met y/n?

because if she just became more independent, she wouldn't have to see y/n with a certain jennie kim on her arm.

"oye! y/n! you're back, i was wondering when you'd be back!" hanbin, one of the tattooists, exclaims. y/n doesn't spare roseanne a glance, why would she? she has a new girl toy on her arm. roseanne smells the same scent, roseanne sees the same eyes she's still hopelessly in love with.

"yeah, decided to get a new ink. are there any new designs?" roseanne watches as y/n's hand tightly grasps jennie's, their bodies flush together and their smiles exclusively for each other. jisoo – roseanne's best friend and one of the few people who knew what went down between roseanne and y/n – speaks up.

"do you need me to beat her to a pulp?" jisoo asks, her hands already in fists but roseanne can't find it in her heart to see y/n hurt. "no unnie, it's okay," roseanne looks back down and restarts her sketch that got interrupted when the brunette haired girl walked in with her runway model girlfriend. "what are you drawing rosie?" roseanne looks at her drawing and sees a pair of eyes staring back at hers. "oooh, did little rosie draw lisa's eyes?" jisoo coos and roseanne wants to cry,

because it's not lisa's eyes.

"random set of eyes, i guess." roseanne shrugs and pretends to be unaffected, but she's so affected, especially when she sees y/n kissing jennie kim as they look through tattoo designs.

hanbin shoots roseanne a pitiful look, he was friends with both her and y/n. 'are you okay?' hanbin mouths to her and roseanne just gives a tight lipped smile. "i'll be in the back unnie, call me when there's another customer," jisoo nods and takes over roseanne's spot on the counter.

roseanne sits on the bean bag in the back, she puts a hand on her heart, begging it to stop beating so badly. she doesn't want to, but she can't help but reminisce. she reminisces on the time y/n held her hand like that, she reminisces on the time y/n kissed her like that, she reminisced on the time y/n brought her with her to get another tattoo, one that roseanne drew and tattooed herself on y/n's arm. the intimacy y/n showed her made roseanne believe that it was so much more. it made her believe it was real.

y/n was her lover, y/n was her liar.

"hey rosie! you have a visitor," roseanne furrows her eyebrows, it was eight in the evening, who would visit her during this time? roseanne gets up from the bean bag and doesn't think too much when she sees jisoo's smirking face.

walking up to the counter where she was moments ago, her eyes train on a tall slim figure. brown doe eyes, brown hair, lips as plump as pillows. lisa. her lisa was standing before her, holding a plastic bag in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. "hi baby," for some odd reason, roseanne looks to where y/n was and hoped she'd see, but she doesn't or she just doesn't care to.

"hi babe," roseanne can't help but smile when lisa smiles back at her, the crinkle to her eyes, the pearly white teeth. it looked similar to another brown haired girl but roseanne shakes that thought out of her head. "what brings you here? i thought you had a business conference in Thailand?" lisa shakes her head and moves her way towards roseanne, roseanne eagerly takes lisa's hand and intertwines them. she felt rather safe in lisa's presence. "i couldn't help not seeing you so i flew back earlier. i brought your favourites," it was at that moment that roseanne could smell the flowery-cologne she grew to love. she turns away from lisa and sees y/n at the counter with jennie. roseanne turns desperately to see if jisoo was at the counter, but she curses when she sees jisoo tending to another customer and hanbin already starting on a new tattoo for a customer.

roseanne gives lisa an apologetic smile and lisa just squeezes her hand, "go ahead, i'll be right beside you," roseanne was glad that y/n was busy on her phone or else it would've been awkward for her to see her with someone else that looked eerily like her. it was either, roseanne had a type, or y/n was roseanne's only type.

roseanne clears her throat to bring y/n's attention away from her phone. y/n looks up and roseanne gets lost in the swirls of brown coffee. "hey rosie," y/n smiles and roseanne hates her for it. "hi," roseanne responds, "you know her baby?" jennie asks, her tone light and full of curiosity, "yeah, a friend," y/n responds easily, almost like she's rehearsed that line countless times. "hey chae, y/n just picked a design today, you can just charge her ₩20,000 for it," hanbin calls out to her when he sees that y/n made it to the counter.

roseanne nods and punches in a few numbers on the cashier before the money box pops open. "₩23,000 please," roseanne can't take her eyes off of y/n. the girl was wearing a black leather jacket with jeans that shaped her legs so well and black Blundstone boots. everything about y/n just screamed 'badass' and that was exactly what roseanne loved. she loved the look of danger that y/n had to her doll like face, it was like a breath of fresh air seeing how y/n was. y/n was something out of roseanne's element and during the time she had her, roseanne loved every bit of risk she took.

"cash or card?" roseanne asks, and y/n pulls out her black credit card. "card rosie," y/n sends her a smile and roseanne just wants to slap her, get mad at her and then kiss her. she hates that y/n is acting like nothing significant happened to them, she hates how y/n is smiling at her like she didn't have someone new on her arm, someone that easily replaced her. someone easily more beautiful than roseanne replaced her in y/n's life after just three months.

y/n was the epitome of a dick, a player but roseanne can't help but be desperate for more. she loved the danger she felt when she was with y/n.

after y/n paid and sent roseanne another smile that she was sure was going to kill her, she left. she didn't spare roseanne another glance, instead she kissed the model on the forehead and led her out by the waist.

"now that that's over, want to head to the back and eat?" right, lisa is here. roseanne turns to her and nods, slipping her hand into lisa's to mask the pain of seeing y/n. "thank you lisa," roseanne says because she is thankful for the taller girl, lisa smiles and kisses roseanne on the forehead, roseanne closes her eyes and suddenly it's y/n who's kissing her head.

the flowery-cologne smell that roseanne loved engulfed her nose as y/n leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the head, "you have nothing to be afraid of rosie..i'm here, you have all of me."

"of course pretty girl, i'd do anything for you," roseanne knows that line all too well, her past partners were brilliant at saying that line but never meaning it, but something deep inside roseanne knocks and makes her believe for a split second that maybe, just maybe, lisa did mean it.

and when roseanne opens up her eyes again, y/n vanishes and it's lisa who's speaking to her, eyes filled with something y/n never had...

then something clicks in roseanne; lisa meant it.

~

roseanne thought it was a good idea too. lisa suggested going on a candle lit dinner at a restaurant that overlooked all of seoul, it was going well, she was laughing at lisa's attempts to come up with jokes, she was listening intently at lisa's stories and lisa was listening intently to hers.

but when lisa excused herself to go to the bathroom, it started again.

roseanne looked down and saw herself wearing the same dress she wore to the candle lit dinner y/n brought her to last year. roseanne had millions of dresses, dresses she's bought herself and dresses lisa has bought her but her hands unconsciously moved to the little black dress that she wore the night y/n brought her to a candle lit dinner.

the music was playing, a quiet jazz band that y/n had hired for them was playing a tune roseanne knew all too well. "you really made them play 'love' by nat king cole?" y/n shrugged, her off the shoulder dress riding up and down her arms. "you love that song, how can i not?" roseanne laughed, her hand covering her mouth. "stop covering your mouth," y/n pouted and roseanne scrunched her eyebrows together, "why?"

"i like seeing your whole face when you laugh, i think it's beautiful," roseanne was sure she died and then was resurrected because she felt her brain short circuit. "i didn't tell you earlier but you look stunning tonight, every day you do but something about you in this little black dress has you looking different," roseanne shifted in her seat under the gaze of y/n that made her feel like she was going to melt right then and there. "i think you look extra beautiful tonight y/n/n, you're always beautiful," y/n flips her hair and giggles, the sound making its way into roseanne's heart and staying there, rent free.

"i know rosie, i get compliments on my looks every day.." roseanne looked down in embarrassment, of course y/n would know how beautiful she was, literally everyone in the world reminded her every day. "-but it feels different coming from you."

roseanne's smile came back and y/n holds her hand on top of the table, "do you want to dance with me? i've been told that i have mad dance skills," roseanne glares at y/n and slaps her lightly, "oh yeah? and who exactly told you that?" roseanne was never jealous, she could care less if her partners had other partners before her, but y/n just ignited something in her, a fiery fire that held possessiveness.

y/n smiles her cheeky smile while pulling roseanne up to her feet despite her resisting. "says my mom," y/n winks at her and roseanne can't help but slap the girl.

"i hate you," roseanne mutters as y/n takes her in her arms and sways her softly to the beat of the music.

"no you don't,"

and y/n was right, roseanne didn't. she never could, because she loved her.

"rosie? baby?" roseanne didn't realize that lisa was in front of her before it was too late. a tear escaped her eyes then another. lisa is looking at her with so much confusion but roseanne really doesn't want to answer questions. roseanne is desperate for something to grab onto, something she can squeeze to make the tears stop from flowing. but she finds nothing, so she pushes her chair back and swats at lisa's hands.

"s-sorry.." she mutters before running out of the restaurant.

roseanne breathes in the cold air of seoul, her body was shaking, her tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, ruining her makeup she worked so hard on. she hated y/n, she hated her. she hated how she still controlled her heart, she hated how she still lived in her mind. roseanne hated how y/n still had power over her, a power that she can't seem to shake away no matter how long or how much she tries, it's not going away and roseanne hates it. she needs to move on, she needs to not care anymore, but each time her eyes close, y/n's stupidly beautiful face is staring back at her, taunting her because it knows that she'll never move on. she'll never move on from y/n. the stupid soloist who captured her heart and never bothered to give it back; roseanne is still desperately begging for each piece of her heart back.

"roseanne?! chaeyoung?!" roseanne hears footsteps approaching her, lisa's dress shoes clacking on the cement. roseanne continues to shake, breathing unsteady and hands shaking. "rosie..baby, what's going on?" roseanne hears lisa's voice and it's like the light at the end of a tunnel. she can't help but turn around and melt into the embrace that lisa allows her to take. she sinks deeper into lisa, closer, scratching to hear lisa's heart, she needs to hear something, feel something other than the beating of her own heart. a heart that beats for y/n but a piece that beats for lisa.

"tell me what's wrong rosie..please," roseanne knows it's a good idea to tell her current lover about her ex and the tragic story that took place, one that fucked up her heart and mind, but she can't find it in herself to tell lisa. maybe she just doesn't want to go back to the good days where she was sure y/n loved her or maybe she just doesn't want to tell lisa because if she does, she'll be able to move on and despite needing to, a conflicting part of roseanne wants the memories of y/n to stay.

so roseanne doesn't and lisa doesn't push her.

instead, she kisses roseanne's lips and roseanne temporarily gets lost in the thai girl who was holding her.

~

"don't you think lisa looks..just a little bit like y/n..?" jisoo asks slowly, careful with her words so she doesn't hurt roseanne. "what? where'd you get that from unnie?" roseanne plays coy, "you know what i'm talking about roseanne. lisa, your current lover looks like y/n lee. the looks, the personality, the fucking height, have you gone mad rosie?" caution was out the window, jisoo was tired of seeing roseanne hurt herself over and over again. they were best friends for a reason.

"they aren't alike unnie," jisoo gives roseanne the 'what the fuck' face and roseanne lowers her head, she was waiting for this day to come, ever since she told jisoo she was seeing lisa, she already knew by the look in the older girl's eyes that she saw what roseanne saw, but it just surprised her that it took her this long to bring it up.

"your own mom is scared for you rosie, lisa looks like y/n and acts like y/n, the only difference is that lisa is the owner of LM International while y/n is a singer, a popular singer at that. they're both rich too. rosie, i'm saying this because i love you, but you have to move on from y/n. it's clear that she doesn't give a fuck about you because if she did, she wouldn't have found a new girl just three months after you two broke up."

roseanne lets out an exasperated sigh, she tugs at her lilac locks and looks at jisoo with tear filled eyes. "you don't you think i've tried jisoo? i've tried for eight months jisoo! i've tried to move on for eight fucking months unnie but each time i feel like it's getting better, she slips back into my thoughts, into my memories and i hate my fucking self because some part of me wants it. i know she doesn't care, i know she never loved me but if you were in my position and spent more than a year with her, you'd understand how i feel. she treated me like she loved me, she made me feel like i was the only one for her. she made me believe what we had was so beautiful and real, and i was the stupid one who believed it all. she has a game, everyone around me warned me, but for the time we were together, she made me believe like it wasn't."

roseanne drops to her knees and buries her face into her arms because it hurts, it hurts so fucking much that roseanne doesn't know if it'll ever go away. jisoo joins her because she's hurting for roseanne. the younger girl doesn't deserve to go through this, roseanne doesn't deserve to be left like a stray dog all because she was in love, in love with a person who made her believe it was real.

"i-i love lisa..i know i do, but each time i face her, each time i look into her eyes, i see y/n."

~

it was dinner time when roseanne got the notification. lisa was happily talking about something that happened in work and roseanne was paying attention, that was until her phone chimed and a post notification popped up. 'ynlee' posted a photo. roseanne knows she shouldn't have her ex's post notifications on, but she can't find it in herself to remove it.

instead of a selfie, a picture of a scenery, or a goofy picture with jennie - it's a picture of jennie sitting naked on a stool. jennie has her breasts covered, her legs crossed, and a hand on her stomach.

roseanne's stomach churned, she wasn't stupid to know what the photo was about, but she didn't want to believe it. she couldn't believe it. they were together for a lesser time than she and y/n were. it can't be real.

but then roseanne sees the millions of likes piling up, the comments rapidly increasing and the caption.

the caption is where roseanne's heart shatters into a million little pieces, the caption is what makes all of roseanne's efforts fly out the window. eight months and counting wasted and down the drain all because of one caption. one photo.

'ynlee: hello world, we're pregnant.'

roseanne's phone drops to the ground and she's struggling to breathe, the room is suddenly spinning.

all roseanne can hear and make out is lisa's figure going to her in a panicked state, calling out her name in a scared voice, before everything turns black.

~

"rosie? rosie?" roseanne flutters her eyes open and is greeted with a concerned looking lisa and jisoo. "thank fuck roseanne, i thought you were going to die," the said woman sits up and rubs her eyes, "what happened?" lisa takes her hand into her own and strokes the soft skin, the action making roseanne smile. "you fainted when you were on your phone so i called over doctor bae and she's coming back with your test results."

roseanne sits still on the bed, her hand un-moving against lisa's. suddenly, everything came back to her like a freight truck.

her ex, the pregnancy.

oh how roseanne wished she'd just continue sleeping on forever. "how long have i been passed out for?" jisoo grabs roseanne a cup of water and places it on the bedside table. "three hours," lisa stands up and looks at her phone, "doctor joohyun is here. i'll go down to the lobby and let her up," lisa gives roseanne a sweet smile before pecking her forehead then leaning down to kiss her lips. "ew! you're going to be gone for like a minute lisa, stop trying to jump my best friend," jisoo pushes the younger girl away and makes a disgusted face when lisa pouts.

as soon as lisa's footsteps are gone, jisoo sits on the bed. "i opened your phone and it opened up to y/n's new post," roseanne avoids jisoo's eyes. she's guilty and she knows it. she shouldn't have been checking on her ex's instagram page.

"unnie-"

"no. you don't get 'unnie' me this time chaeyoung. she gives zero fucks about you, why are you still trying to get her attention," roseanne felt highly offended by what jisoo had said. she wasn't begging for y/n's attention, she just didn't know how to let it be when she still held onto the memories of the soloist. "i am not trying to get her attention," jisoo gets up roughly and takes roseanne's phone. she opens it up and shoves y/n's profile in roseanne's face. "you have her fucking post notifications on roseanne! why are you doing this to yourself? you have an amazing girl that's loving you right now, shouldn't that be enough?! why do you have to seek validation with this asshole?"

roseanne held onto the sheets beneath her. now wasn't the right time to blow up and expose herself of secrets she's kept for the past year or so.

y/n's warmth, her smile, her voice, the way she made roseanne feel. it all felt so real, so good and roseanne wasn't ready to come off that high. "she's moved on chaeyoung. i don't know how many times you have to hear this, but she's moved on. she doesn't love you, she loves jennie. she's about to start a family, it's time for you to let her go and love the girl who's doing her best to fix you and love you. lisa is right there chaeyoung, she holds you when y/n doesn't. she loved you when y/n didn't. she's there and y/n isn't. you have to realize that and remember that, because no matter how hard you try to pretend, no matter how hard you try to close your eyes and imagine y/n in front of you, you'll only be met with reality."

jisoo shoves the phone into roseanne's hand and the lilac girl stares at it, she stares at it hard and wants to cry, but she can't.

"-and that reality is...lisa isn't y/n. so you either let y/n go and let yourself move on, or let lisa go and stop wasting her time."

at that moment, lisa walked in with joohyun, "hey guys- did we interrupt something?" lisa quickly notices roseanne's eyes and how sad they look, lisa quickly realizes that jisoo isn't all smiley as she was minutes ago.

"no. i was just talking to rosie about something. i'll get going now lisa, tell me how it goes after," jisoo quickly leaves and roseanne is stuck with all the words her best friend has put into her mind.

if she were to let y/n go, how different would her relationship with lisa turn out?

love is all same, the same game, what difference would it be with lisa? roseanne doesn't know but she's sinking and she needs to find out soon.

"we ran some tests while you were sleeping rosie just in case anything has actually happened, but your results came back and you're perfectly fine. you're a little too exhausted so i suggest you rest more and also eat more, i noticed you've been getting thinner," joohyun turns to lisa and pats her on the shoulder. "make sure she eats lis," lisa smiles brightly and roseanne looks away, she can't handle that right now. not when lisa looks exactly like y/n.

~

it was a bright afternoon when roseanne walked into lisa's home office. the two have been exclusive for months now and lisa's home became roseanne's home. after weeks of trying to process it all, accept it all and try to move on from it all, roseanne was stuck. she couldn't. she wanted to but didn't want to. she needed to but it was heavy on her heart to hold onto the memories of y/n, it was just too good to let go.

"lisa?"

after working on countless reports and business proposals, lisa finally looked up from the computer and papers on her desk. "yes baby?" taking her glasses off, she finally sees roseanne walking towards her. "i need...i need to tell you something," lisa immediately pushes off her chair and motions for roseanne to sit on her lap.

roseanne holds herself from reminiscing on a certain memory with y/n when she sees lisa opening her arms wide for her to cuddle into.

"rosie? what are you doing here?" y/n has been working in the studio non-stop lately and roseanne was starting to feel lonely. "i..i needed to see you," y/n smiles that boyish smile that roseanne absolutely adored. "really? well why don't you come here and sit on my lap," y/n pats her jean covered thighs and takes off her earphones that have been on for hours.

roseanne doesn't protest and immediately sits on y/n's thighs, the muscular flesh flexed when roseanne's bare thighs sat on them. "i like your dress baby," y/n caresses roseanne's thigh lightly and plays with the flow of the sun dress. sun dresses always matched roseanne, it was like seeing the sun and moon together, it just fit.

"thank you y/n/n.." roseanne hid her face in y/n's neck. sighing in contentment at being in the arms of her lover once again, she plants small kisses onto the soft skin.

inhaling a breath full of roseanne's scent, y/n feels her heart beat. it beats slow, then fast until y/n doesn't know how to suppress it. "what's been on your mind beautiful?" roseanne looks up and sees y/n looking down at her with warm eyes, the same eyes that held so much dedication and love. roseanne was certain she was in love.

"i love you."

three words, eight letters. how could that weigh so much? y/n had no idea, all she knew was that her heart was threatening to leave her chest and hop into roseanne's hands.

instead of saying it back, y/n smiles, kisses roseanne's lips and whispers a tender:

"i know."

"roseanne? are you alright?" roseanne looks up at lisa and she notices that she hasn't moved from her spot at all. "oh..sorry baby," roseanne walks and lands herself on lisa's lap. the thai woman wraps her arms around the tattoo artist and perches her chin on roseanne's shoulder. "what do you want to talk about?"

"i have to tell you something," roseanne turns herself so that she's straddling lisa's lap. the younger girl takes roseanne's stray hair and tucks it behind her ear. "talk to me beautiful, tell me what's on your mind."

this is it. pour your heart out and tell the truth. you got this roseanne.

"i don't know if i fully love you.." maybe it wasn't the right thing to say first but roseanne had to be truthful and this was her being truthful. sure, the look on lisa's face hurt roseanne's heart but she needed to continue. she didn't want to keep lisa in the dark, she wasn't like that.

"...because some parts of my heart belongs to someone else." lisa doesn't stop stroking roseanne's cheek even when she was breaking her heart. something in her knew that roseanne was worth it, so she didn't mind getting hurt for the girl that was going to be worth it all in the end.

"who's that someone else rosie? let me help you forget them,"

"y/n lee."

"i was hoping it wasn't her..but i guess i was right," roseanne's eyes go wide and she looks at lisa with confusion in her features. "what?"

"i didn't want to admit it that time, but i saw the way you looked at her chae, in the tattoo shop. you looked at her with longing eyes as she walked away with the brown haired girl."

roseanne cups lisa's cheek, she brings their foreheads together and she weeps. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry.." lisa doesn't get mad, lisa doesn't thrash around and scream at her, instead, lisa holds her tighter than ever before; kisses her forehead and says, "i'd do anything for you, pretty girl. you can break my heart, i'll embrace it."

roseanne has heard that many times before, men and women have said it to her but none ever meant it. but something inside roseanne was knocking, itching and wanting to be let in.

somehow roseanne knew that lisa meant it.

~

5 Years Later

~

"baby?!" roseanne gets up from her knees after finding the missing pair from her socks. "yes lisa?!" roseanne chuckles when she hears lisa run up the stairs, "are we good to go? do you have everything you need?" roseanne nods and walks up to lisa, she wraps her arms around the girl and plants her lips on lisa's cheek. "i do baby, everything's good. we can go."

lisa turns to her and caresses her stomach. "perfect."

the resort was filled with equally as important people like lisa but roseanne was there to enjoy her stay and make new memories. "i'll go check us in, is that alright with you baby?" roseanne nods and lets go of lisa's hand. "i'll stay here and wait for you then," lisa kisses the lilac girl on the forehead before walking off to the receptionist.

roseanne watches lisa walk away, she sighs in content at the realization that lalisa manoban is all hers.

"roseanne?" roseanne turns to that voice, that voice that used to haunt her in her sleep and torment her everyday life.

"y/n."

y/n smiles and notices that roseanne is all by herself. "i didn't think i'd see you here," roseanne shrugs and laughs when she sees the amount of Chanel bags y/n had around her. "lisa just purchased this resort so she wanted us to experience it," roseanne plays with the golden band on her finger and y/n watches her do so.

"where's jennie?" roseanne asks. if this were five years, that name would've stung her mouth greatly. "she's on a call right now," roseanne nods and watches as the girl looks down to her stomach. "how long?"

"two months," roseanne's smile grows even bigger when she remembers the human growing inside of her. pure joy and love spreads through her body. "how are your kids?"

"they're doing great, really great."

no more words are exchanged between them, only their eyes talk.

finally having enough of the silence, y/n opens her mouth to talk but gets interrupted when a small body crashes into roseanne's legs.

"mommy! you're here!" y/n looks down at the black haired boy with big eyes looking up at roseanne. "hi baby, how'd you find me?"

"jaehyun! i told you not to run off like that," lisa runs towards roseanne and jaehyun, not noticing the other figure standing with them. "sorry mama, halmeoni let me!" lisa chuckles and ruffles her son's hair only now noticing y/n standing with them.

"oh. hey y/n," y/n smiles and nods her head politely.

"i won't keep you roseanne. it was nice seeing you rosie," roseanne smiles at her ex and tightens her hold on lisa's hand. "it was nice seeing you as well y/n," y/n turns around when she gets called by jennie. the brown haired girl was finished on the phone and was waving over for her wife.

"i gotta go, jennie's calling for me. it was lovely seeing you as well lisa."

both lisa and roseanne watch y/n walk off and end up in the arms of jennie, both women watch as jennie kisses y/n's cheek and y/n kisses her on the lips.

"you good to go rosie?" lisa breaks the silence and bends down to carry jaehyun. the toddler got tired easily. roseanne takes one last stare at y/n, her heart is beating normally, she doesn't feel a longing on her heart.

she smiles contently and turns to face lisa. her lisa. the lisa who gave her kids and continues to love her through thick and thin, through her break downs and through her successes. "yeah..i'm good to go baby," lisa smiles and roseanne's heart flutters.

it flutters out of her chest and into the sky.

they walk away, hand in hand and when roseanne closes her eyes...

...all she sees is lisa.

- fin.

[netheritenugget]

The Dream SMP Mind Control Problem: How Mind Control Sucks But Also Doesn’t

I like the theory that the reason Technoblade is violent is because the Egg is the Blood God, and he can always hear it demanding to be fed.  But only to a degree.  I like the idea better that his disdain for organized government, and his desire for freedom, is a completely different character trait unrelated to The Egg.

Because his character's deepest wish has always been absolute freedom from the control of others.  And to blame his violent efforts to achieve it on the Egg’s mind control kinda cheapens that (not to mention it also retcons Chat being the canon reason he’s violent, which was much cooler).  Especially since The Egg has entirely different values than Technoblade does.  It’s definitely not in favor of individual freedom.  I want to see Technoblade change his ways by his own choices, not get de-Egged and suddenly say "The Egg made me do it.  Heated gamer moment ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ " It would be much more compelling to watch him vanquish his inner demons of his own will.

Likewise, having a character, through his own agency, reduce a nation to a smouldering crater in the ground in revenge for an attempted execution, is far more interesting and compelling to me than just having his excuse be "Egg bloodlust" and then have everyone forgive him.  It’s a cheap way to make him everyone’s friend again.  I don’t think content creator Technoblade would appreciate this decision being made for him in the narrative.

Which is also basically my opinion on whether or not I like the theory that Dream is still possessed by a Dreamon. It kinda pulls the rug out from under the story, because it's always been about black and gray morality, and people being the cause of conflict, not the supernatural. Adding dreamons to the mix changes the biggest moral from "power corrupts and nations fall, the only universal language that can save us all is love" to "we just needed to yeet the Dreamon out of the Big Bad and we achieved world peace.  Poggers."

Let's talk about the narrative can of worms that is dreamon possession, while we're at it, because I have similar opinions to the Technoblade Egg Theory: mind control as an excuse is cheap, if used to solve problems.

Perhaps the writers found a way to write this anyway that made sense. Perhaps Dream really is possessed, and Good Dream is still in there.  Perhaps every single evil action he's done since the Dreamon Hunters episodes Fundy and Tubbo made was because of the dreamon.  Perhaps Dream didn't want to break Wilbur, gaslight Tommy, manipulate Tubbo, threaten to kill Tubbo, and do...  Whatever the heck he's doing to Ranboo's poor brain at the moment.

What then?

If it's done right and Dream gets a sufficiently difficult redemption arc, (🤢 Ew, Dream redemption arc...) it's still kinda...  Awkward to expect other people to forgive him immediately.  How is everyone going to feel about the trauma he caused while possessed?  Even if he’s a genuinely nice person, that won’t bring L’Manberg back, and he shares a face with the dreamon that did that to them.  Being nice won’t fix what he did to Sapnap and George, Tommy and Ranboo, and poor Wilbur Soot.  Are we ever going to be 100% sure he was never in control over himself?  Are we, the audience who hated him, supposed to pretend nothing happened and let it go just because Dream is good now?  That sounds suspiciously convenient and unfair, and I think the other characters would think the same thing.  It sounds like it could be an interesting source of drama, having them try to blame exorcised!Dream for the things his dreamon did, much like how people projected their frustration onto Ghostbur in the beginning.  I kinda want to read a fanfic about that.  But I don't want to watch it in canon.

So I'm gonna assume you think I hate mind control.  No.  I do not.  I actually quite like the version of mind control that Badboyhalo has been writing so far, because it's really interesting in how it meshes with the previous storyline.

Badboyhalo is a very different villain than Dream and Technoblade.  Because in some ways, this is an entirely new storyline.  It is allowed to have a completely different antagonist and moral to the story.

Bad as an antagonist and the main script writer, is still managing to carry over some of the same "power corrupts, love is stronger" message while also being brainwashed, because he’s managed to choose both sides of the coin.  Bad himself told Quackity that after he shook the initial brainwashing, he didn’t want to go back to the Egg, he hasn’t wanted to be the Egg’s minion since he figured out he was being manipulated.  But he made a conscious decision to go back to The Egg, in hopes that it can help him save his Skeppy.  Because his love for Skeppy was more important than the SMP, his own humanity, and himself.

Which means his current mind controlled state is not being used as an excuse for getting him back on everyone’s good side, it’s a consequence of his frantic attempts to get Skeppy back to normal again.  He is choosing to hurt people because Skeppy and what The Egg promised him are fundamentally more important to him. And even if he were theoretically no longer brainwashed, he might just go right back to The Egg anyway if he still thought it could get him Skeppy back.  Now that is some tragedy!

Is what I’m saying clear?  That the way The Egg operates with Bad’s core values as a character is more narratively compelling because of how it was set up, instead of being used as an excuse for villain insanity? How Technoblade and Dream's characters are people with their own free will, and it's more interesting that way?

Food for thought I guess.

[rougebangtan]

it’s a new year!

hello. long time no see.

to be honest, i wasn’t planning to write a new year’s post. i wasn’t sure as what to say because i didn’t want to come across as self-absorbed or unnecessarily critical and skeptical of the past, present and future. i’m used to keeping things to myself, and not sharing them is as much of a relief as it is a burden.

i must confess it’s easy not to say anything. it’s easy to lose myself in this plethora of unvoiced thoughts which end up being burried very deep within. i am not sure what was the primary cause behind my sudden change of heart, but why not...?

this blog was created as a way of me rejoining tumblr. i’ve always been in here, but i had spent some time away before returning four years ago. in january 2017, this became mainly a fan account for bts when it wasn’t meant to be at first. yet, it still became something personal and very close to my heart, and the reason was because i met amazing people in here. i learned things and reached personal milestones that impacted me positively on a daily basis.

we don’t even need to look in reprospect to know 2020 was far from ideal. i’m certain it has been this way for everyone. on my end, i spent my time erratically and i oscilated with the tide. i was extensively creative at one point, and because of that, i stretched myself too far and i couldn’t make ends meet. i socialized and made friends, and then it became too much for me to handle and i isolated myself. i became tired of myself like i always have.

the first thing i realized when it was finally january 1st 2021 is that what i’m actually tired of are things feeling pointless. i’m tired of trying to salvage the broken pieces of something i don’t even know why was broken in the first place. i’m tired of being on the verge of giving up, but not doing so because there has to be a purpose. the biggest realization to me was that i’m tired of all of the things i aforementioned mainly because those are self-centred sentiments which are never going to lead me anywhere but a dead end. the selfishness, the self-absorption, and stubborn lack of enthusiasm... those are the hindrances to whatever it is i want to accomplish. 

so, even though i’m lost and have nothing concrete to grasp on to yet, my main goal right now is to focus on loving more freely, on accepting happiness and sorrow as they come and go, on being a better friend. i haven’t accomplished many things thus far, but i met a lot of people whom i’ve come to love and appreciate beyond words. there are really special people who have paved their way into my heart, so thank you so much for so many sweet memories!

it’s a new year! hopefully we’ll move on to bigger and better things <3

mutuals from a-z:

#:

@1999164 · @4-sun ·

a-c:

@autumnnflowers​ · @absoluteyoongit​ · @an-annyeoing-writer​ · @astrowicc​ · @btsaudge​ ·  @bangtanloverboys​  · @bubble-tae​ · @beamingmaylyn​ · @birbdae​ · @bratkook​ · @captaindelhiver​ · @crazy4myself​ · @cultleaderyoongi​ · @cutechim · @cest-la-tae​ · @chelsea-chee​

d-i:

@dewykth​  · @dylanxmin​ · @dearlytea​ · @dani-of-the-cosmos​ · @dawndrms​ · @ditttiii​ · @excusemin​ · @flowerseok​ · @fl0ra​ · @ghibliu​ · @gossamie​ · @gukssunshine​​ · @honeylovecult​​ · @hobicomeholla29​ · @hopeworldsavedmylife​ · @hoseoksyn​ · @heartyclouds​ · @happytata​​ · @h-heaveninhiding​​ · @i-am-today-we-will-survive​​ · @illneverrecover​

j-o:

@jaelouvre-main · @jamlessness · @jogeumdeo · @jour-de-printemps · @justalwaystired​ · @joonieshibui​ · @jamaiskook​ · @jingerines​ · @joonsdiary​ · @kimvvantae · @koosgrl · @kb-bangtanenthusiast​ · @leftonraed · @lovejeons · @lavenderandluna​ · @lunarlxve​ · @minflix​ · @mlkydrms ·  @moonchildsblack​ · @megahwn​ · @meowstea​ · @nam-jonie​

p-v:

@pars-ley ·  @poutyjimin · @pinkprincesslauren  · @primarybts  · @pjmsdior  · @rosielips · @rkivepacks  · @sakuramotion  · @salvejoon  · @sugasmoonlight  ·  @slaypjm · @sukiroki · @salade-tb · @saysammydandy​  · @sleepybby  ·  @taelepathic​ ·  @thefouranemoi​ · @talismaniccream​ · @tokkituzi · @tipsydipsydo · @utopiajeon · @unoriginal-username15432 · @untaemedqueen · @vinterjeon

w-z:

@wajood​ · @wonderoghosa​ · @wrappedinpetals​ · @wwilloww​​ · @xjoonchildx​ · @y6ongi​ · @youaresadwhaticansay​ · @yeojaa​  · @yoongiroses​ · @yvessaintyoongi​  · @youremeimyou​ · @yoongs-jeontae​ · @youarejesting​

👻 honorary mention for all my ghosties 👻 

love letters:

💌 @4-sun: hey, sunny. i remember when we met, and it’s so crazy how time flies by. you’re already entering college, and i don’t know why but i feel so proud of you. you’re so smart and i’m always impressed by you! i hope the college applications have gone well for you, and that 2020 hasn’t been the most unkind. i know we haven’t talked as much, but i still hold our friendship very close to my heart.

💌 @absoluteyoongit: bueller, my astrological twin! you’re so dear to me. thanks for all the laughter and joy you’ve brought into my life this past year. i hope 2021 is kind to you, and you and your family (especially your dad) are healthy. date a lot and have lots of fun this new year.

💌 @apotaeose: you have such a soothing presence in my life. i admire a lot, and our conversations always make me reflect and dig deeper. you have a healing essence to you, and your words and actions express that. you’re a dear friend and an amazing writer. i really really, from the bottom of my heart, hope we can meet soon <3

💌 @breadoffoxy: sam!! you’re the sweetest and i love to talk to you about whatever. you’re one of the most endearing people i’ve met. you make everyone around you feel so special. we’ve talked many nights to the point of falling asleep, and i wouldn’t have had it another way. your drive is honestly so admirable. the way you managed to gather everyone together and make us enjoy ourselves is exceptional, and i’m so grateful to be your friend. who knows? maybe 2021 will be the year will meet hahah. i digress.

💌 @bangtanloverboys: dippie! you’re the funniest person i know, and you are so uplifting. i don’t know if that’s how you feel inside, but you do have a positive impact on others. the way i just know you probably give out the best hugs ever. you’re the best, and i love you. happy 2021! btw, i forever dislike the bee movie

💌 @cutechim: hana, i didn’t expect to meet you this year, but girl did you rock my world with your talent and kindness. i hope this upcoming year we can get to know each other even better, and that many blessings and opportunities come your way.

💌 @strwberrytae / @lavenderandluna: hello luna!!! i don’t even know if you remember me, but i still find you one of the best writers i’ve come across here on tumblr and i still hold our conversations dear to my heart! i don’t know how 2020 went down for you, and i hope you managed to keep yourself sane in the midst of uncertainty. wish you well xx.

💌 @leftonraed: val, happy new day, my friend. we haven’t been the most talkative lately, but my love for you is still strong. i wish you luck and health this 2021. love you.

💌 @salade-tb: kat. oh lord. your quirky ass has swept me off my feet, and rendered me helpless to your charm. you’re so funny, and i love your energy. you’re indisputably the og ghostie even if you joined the net on the 5th or 6th round. happy 2021, my fellow south hemispherian.

💌 @taelepathic: isabel, it’s been a long time, but i love and miss you! i hope you’ve been healthy all throughout the past year 🤍

💌 @tokkituzi: seoyoon! hey sweetie. i’ll forever be grateful you reached out to me after i chased you down on jamaisjoons’ asks 😂 your english skills are going strong, girl! maybe we can both become better at our respective goal languages. your brother still amuses me to this day. happy new year! 🎉

💌 @yoongs-jeontae: ava, my love! 🥺 i still have these urges to book a flight to your city and just give you the biggest hug and stay at your house lmfao. you’re so talented and i love the fact you’re an architect and i’d love to talk to you just we can speak in both english and pt all day every day. you have such a beautiful family. i admire and love you so much! sending you lots of positive energy for 2021. happy new year.

ps. i probably missed a few people and i apologize beforehand!!! love love love to all of you forever and ever.

[hystericalfeminist]

BUILD ME A CANON

Earlier this week, Delhi University's Oversight Committee removed works by writers Bama, Mahasweta Devi and Sukirtharani from the university's syllabus for undergraduate students of English. Bama and Sukirtharani are Tamil Dalit writers whose work looks at the experiences of the marginalised. Mahasweta Devi, a Bengali writer, was well-known for her Left-leaning politics and for being an advocate for tribal communities and their rights. She passed away in 2016.

I'd suggest one moment's silence for the Oversight Committee committing an oversight, except this is not an oversight. An oversight is an unintentional mistake, but this seems very intentional. As the DU clarified in a statement later, "the syllabus of the course has been passed through a democratic process with the involvement of all the relevant stakeholders and necessary deliberations at appropriate forums” (emphases mine). The university claims the English syllabus is suitably diverse and inclusive (suitably being the key word here) and it's interesting that as part of its defence of the Oversight Committee's decision, DU has pointed out the process of coming to that decision was "democratic". What it doesn't acknowledge is that if the committee is full of people who belong to dominant groups and doesn't have members who represent the minorities and the marginalised, then the committee's "democratic process" is critically flawed.

The DU statement came after the Academic Council submitted a dissent note, protesting the Oversight Committee's decision. The Academic Council described the Oversight Committee's functioning as vandalism and alleged it has been harassing liberal arts departments. "It is important to note that the Oversight Committee does not have any member from the Dalit or the Tribal community who can possibly bring in some sensitivity to the issue," said the Academic Council in its note.

There was some noise on social media about the decision to drop works by these three writers. Most of the discussion that I saw was about Mahasweta Devi's dropped short story, Draupadi. (Apparently the Oversight Committee chair complained the short story doesn't show the military in a good light. From what I remember, it's the police. They carry out wrongful arrests and brutally gangrape a tribal woman.) There's been far less discussion of Bama and Sukirtharani's works on English Twitter, who have mostly been referred to as the "two Dalit writers", like an addendum to Mahasweta, which is infuriating in itself. I know that this is probably because not enough people read translations. Particularly translations of literature from Indian languages.

There is also little talk about what has replaced the dropped works. One of the authors who has been included is apparently Pandita Ramabai, identified as an upper caste writer (Brahmin, if I'm not mistaken). I've no idea if her writing continues to feel relevant and/ or engaging, but it is all sorts of bizarre to "replace" a 20th century author with someone who died in 1922. Also, if she was included because she was Brahmin, I hope they have fun reading her book The High Caste Hindu Woman which is, I'm told, deeply critical of how sexist Hinduism. Whether or not Pandita Ramabai voiced any opinions of casteism in Hinduism, I don't know.

Even though translations don't get read as much, the fact is, the writings of Bama, Mahasweta Devi and Sukirtharani have been translated to English and other languages. They're part of different university's syllabi and for better or for worse, DU is not such an influential player in academia. If DU's decision to drop these writers convinces some Indian universities to do the same, we can only hope that other universities (in India and abroad) will start thinking about including them in their syllabi (if the writers aren't in them already). In a not-so-distant future, it's very likely that there will be universities abroad that will have a more diverse, inclusive and representative portrait of Indian culture in their syllabi while institutions like DU remain mired in a casteist, Hindutva bog. At that point, who should decide what will make the canon for Indian literature? The Indians or the foreigners?

It's the second time this week that we've heard conversations about erasure in the Indian cultural scene. Earlier this week, social media was on fire after the Indian edition of the Rolling Stone carried a cover story about the record label and music platform Majja, featuring two artists best known for their collaborations with Dalit rapper and lyricist Arivu. Rumour has it that the Rolling Stone cover was bought by Majja, presumably to promote upcoming albums by those two artists. However, since Dhee and Shan Vincent de Paul are currently riding a popularity wave because of their work with Arivu, many readers — beginning with director Pa Ranjith — expected the cover story would be as much about Arivu as Dhee and Shan Vincent de Paul. People also pointed out that Arivu had effectively been removed from a (disastrous) remix of "Enjoy Enjaami" (the original song is amazing).

Shan Vincent de Paul, one of the artists featured on the Rolling Stone cover, issued a statement on social media saying he had the utmost respect for Arivu and had no intention of erasing him. He clarified that the story was part of his efforts to promote his new album Made in Jaffna, which he's releasing with Majja. "I have no control over how the Press chooses their messaging or what narratives they push," de Paul wrote, which would be an excellent point if the cover wasn't bought. He may not have control over the narrative, but he's hardly an irrelevant cog in the wheel. Instead of attempting to exonerate himself, de Paul could have acknowledged that the story doesn't give as much space to Arivu as it should. I am, of course, presuming he's read the story.

If the rumour about the cover being bought is true then Rolling Stone and Majja are complicit in deciding a narrative that sidelines Arivu, either intentionally or carelessly. More than half of Rolling Stone's cover story is about "Enjoy Enjaami" and there is just one quote from Arivu. This sidelining may not be deliberate — the way DU's Oversight Committee's decision was — and it could be an example of the kind of unthinking oversight that the privileged commit all the time when it comes to acknowledging the contribution of the marginalised. Either way, the impression conveyed by the two organisations is that Arivu is not the person they want to promote. Countering the decision of the establishment — it doesn't get more establishment than Rolling Stone and Majja. One of Majja's founders is legendary music director AR Rahman — is the reaction on social media. The songs being freely available on multiple platforms and the (relatively) free access to the artwork and arguments by Dalit creators and critics on social media makes it difficult to invisibilise Arivu.

A translation of Mahasweta Devi's Draupadi is available online as are some of Sukirtharani's poems. DU has dropped Bama's novel Sangati. I'm not sure if there's an extract that's available online. It is not lost on me that it's easier to listen to a song than it is to read a novel, or a short story, or a poem. It is also not lost on me that the fact you can bob to an infectious beat makes it easier to not register the deep-rooted casteism referenced in the lyric, "Enna kora, enna kora, yein chella peraandikku enna kora? (In what way is my darling grandson any less?)" There are no such distractions when you read, for example, Sukirtharani's My Room Needs No Calendar: "As they write on me/ with their penises,/ I will my body to stop/ slithering away."

Sukirtharani and Bama minced no words when they were asked to respond to their works being dropped from the DU syllabus. "I was not surprised at all. Dalit voices such as myself and Bama’s are speaking for all oppressed women, not just Dalit women," said Sukirtharani. "I don’t see this necessary as an exclusion of just Dalit writers as we have seen how progressive writers whose works speak against caste, Hindutva, fundamentalism have also been removed in the recent past. These things will happen in our society, but we cannot be ignored." She said she wasn't going to ask for an explanation, but believed DU owed her an explanation. At the very least, they should have intimated her about the works being dropped. "When they want to project an image of India wherein there are no caste and religious inequalities, our works point out that caste and religious inequalities exist in our society. So, it is obvious that they want such works removed from the syllabus," she said.

Bama said, "For more than 2,000 years, we have been segregated, our histories have not been written. This government is trying to strangulate our voices, but we will shout. The youth of this nation have understood [what is happening]. Rather than being upset, we are angry. The anger will reflect in our works in future.”

I find myself wondering if the business of building a canon was always so complicated and rife with uncertainties. Will the books, music and art propped up by commerce and politics be the ones that make up our mainstream cultural identity? Could we build a better literary canon for Indian literature if more excerpts and poems were available online for free, if more works were translated? Would we care more if the literature was easier to access or would we still dismiss it because they're translations, because the works are by Dalit women? Can the conversations that we hold in the informal spaces of the internet be loud enough to make the canon more inclusive, to make the mainstream expand its narrow definitions? What is more likely to make it into an archive and survive into posterity — the Rolling Stone Cover image or the many "fixed it" versions that people created online? Is it possible that both can and will be preserved? Does dropping the works of writers like Bama and Sukirtharani and Mahasweta Devi make them invisible? Will the dissent make a few more people buy Bama's novel? Will it make some curious enough to look up Sukirtharani's poems?

The words, the tech, the platforms, the imagery — are all these still the master's tools? How long must one wield them before they can claim the tools to be theirs? Will they always be the master's tools and not "our" tools? Is the master the one who cares for the tools and uses them better? Is the master the one with the loudest voice and the deepest pockets, the one who can bribe the boys and hire the deadliest mercenaries? Who decides when the tools have been reclaimed?