#but 43% fully just 'no' was extremely surprising

[skullhaver]

cannot stop thinking about the tumblr poll in which approximately 43% of respondents at time of writing said that gentitals are not attractive to them either aesthetically or erotically, when "indifferent" and "only sometimes" are options

as @bidaubadeadieu said to me, what are you all doing on girldick.gov if you don't even appreciate it

[umichenginabroad]

San Sebastián or Bus(t)

Week 9

Due to very very very unfortunate circumstances that you will soon understand, I've been behind in making my blog post. Sorry everyone, I know how much my content is loved! The weekend was quite an experience that I will definitely never forget but it's something to laugh about now and makes for a good story. I'm pretty much just going to jump right into it because for most of last week I was kind of sick and didn't really do much in preparation for...Milan! As this was our last long weekend, we wanted to cross another country off the bucket list and enjoy some of the delicious food Italy has to offer. Here begins a thrilling saga of events...

Don't trust the bartender, or the weather

Right when Diego, Jayashree, and I landed at the Malpensa Airport, it was sweltering. I knew that Italy would be hot but even with that in mind I couldn't prepare myself for this. I'm not one for the extreme temperatures in the first place, and I for sure took for granted the 60-70 degree weather San Sebastián has to offer. After a minor mishap with waiting for a bus to take us to the center of Milan, we eventually made it and took a pitstop for some much needed pizza and gelato (we made it our goal to eat as much pizza, pasta, and gelato as we could during this trip). The metro had conveniently taken us right up to the Duomo di Milano, which is the biggest cathedral in Milan taking nearly six centuries to build! We also walked through part of Italy's oldest active shopping gallery: Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II which features a lot of designer stores and has an insanely pretty ceiling.

By then, we were exhausted. Walked to our airbnb in the Navigli district which is a nice and vibrant area by the canal. Our host was super sweet and left us some water along with a whole bottle of prosecco since she told us that she loves sharing her favorite drink with travelers. After resting up, we decided to eat at a place called pasta fresca where their philosophy is only serving different handmade pastas each day (no desserts, no appetizers, no drinks, solely pasta). We thought it tasted great and was by far some of the freshest pasta I've had in my days. Took a walk by the water for a bit before heading over to a place that I found called the smallest bar. You might think this is an exaggeration but it quite literally was just a box in the wall with an anonymous bartender behind it. Jayashree ended up choosing a drink from the list but I ended up going with the "trust the bartender" special. *NEWSFLASH* do NOT trust the bartender. I wish I could describe to you what I tasted but I don't even have the right words to do that. Just listen to me when I say that it made my body take a screenshot every time I took a sip. I've never had a visceral reaction as unique as that one, so for that I give this a hearty rating of -1/10 stars (but I still think the bar was cute so I bump it up to a 3/10).

A flavorblast of mango, chocolate, and vanilla gelato!

Pull up to Backdoor 43 for a surprise (if you're up for the risk)

The sights, sounds, and rabbit holes of Milan

On our second day, the gang split up to do separate solo trips. Jayashree went to Switzerland, Diego to Florence, and yours truly stayed put in Milan. I was actually pretty excited to just go off on my own and do things that the others wouldn't have been as interested in. This was also more of a solo mission for me since I had a lot planned to fully seize the day. Starting bright and early, I went to a cafe by the airbnb to get a slice of panettone and pass by some basilicas on my way to the Castello Sforzesco (a very old military citadel). One of them that I walked by is actually home to the Last Supper painting (how cool!). In front of the castle is a park called Parco Sempione which has its own mini version of the Arc de Triomphe, along with a statue of Napoleon, a small pond, and maybe a fountain of youth? Once I got to the castle, I spent some time walking around the castle museums seeing some old furniture, various tapestries, many paintings of Saint Sebastian (shoutout!) and the crucifixion, oddly enough one of Galileo's last remaining compasses, a ceiling once worked on by Da Vinci, and the famous Rondanini Pietà by Michelangelo. I really liked the museum since it wrapped around pretty much the entirety of the castle, so I was able to visit some spaces that can't be seen if you're just passing through the castle grounds on the outside.

The Rondanini Pietà was the last work that Michelangelo ever created, just six days before he died and remains unfinished

Kind of random but I thought the story of the artist was interesting. Apparently he loved making large-scale sculptures that were super lifelike, such as this crab. However, he ended up getting crushed by one of his sculptures since it fell on top of him :(

One museum wasn't enough for me so my next stop was the Pinacoteca di Brera, which is basically the central hub for any and all Italian paintings. The Brera district itself is also known for being very artsy so walking through there was cute and fun. Napoleon really wanted the museum to become "The Louvre of Italy" and while it does have a large collection of art, it is sadly nowhere near the scale of the Louvre (so sorry Napoleon but you picked quite the challenge). There is a large sculpture dedicated to him in the museum's largest room, and I'll share a little about that because it's a bit silly. So Napoleon had a sculptor make a life-like (I think it looks more like a glammed up version of him but to each their own) statue of himself in full French clothing. However, the sculptor refused since he said the French trousers and boots were too goofy looking, which is now why the statue is fully nude. Moving on from that aside, I enjoyed this museum since they prioritize showing to the people what the process of art restoration and handling is like. In-between exhibits, they showcase these areas that are fully see-through of where the conservators work along with the machinery they use. Also, they show their art storage rooms and continuously rotate pieces so that there are more well-known artists such as Raphael or Hayez with other artists who deserve the respect. I've never seen a museum do something like this before and like their thinking!

Art restoration in the works!

I have to admit I was museum-fatigued after this and desperately needed something to drink. I had been sweating since 9 am, ran out of water, and just needed to chill for a bit. In this predicament, I ended up going to this place called the Rabbit Hole Cafe which was decked out with Alice in Wonderland themed decor. Hats on the ceiling, the caterpillar and cheshire cat on the wall, and just all these very cute details which really gave into the aesthetic. I ordered a wonder spritz which tasted exactly what I would think a drop of whimsy would taste like. All in all, I had a magical experience there despite my battles with heat exhaustion and delirium.

Follow your cake and follow your dreams, now that's something to live by

Wedding Crashers and Plans Crashing

For the final day in Milan we only had a few things left on the agenda to do. Reunited after our solo trips, we started off with going inside the Duomo and saw the absolutely incredible architecture, breath-taking stained glass, and wickedly talented sculptures. After seeing the Sagrada Familia, I don't think that I can or should compare the two. Each are special in their own ways and in general just marvels of construction. From there, we went back to the shopping mall where Diego told us of the Legend of the Milan Bull, which is where you spin three times on a mosaic tile of a bull while placing your heel on its testicle...don't ask me why I don't really know. Anyways, the three turns are supposed to be for bringing good fortune, finding love, and to return to Milan in the future.

Oh great Milan Bull, do your magic

We went for lunch to Luini's for some fire panzerottis, then trotted on over to another church in order to see its ossuary. I may have messed up the directions since we ended up in the church next to it on accident and witnessed a wedding taking place. We decided to sit in on it (hey, there were a lot of open seats, the door was open, and we figured we might as well). Happy marriage to the new couple! Huzzah! Found our way to the right church afterwards and got to see what I can describe as the catacombs above ground. It was super bizarre since the walls were lined with skulls and bones nearly reaching the ceiling. Felt a bit eerie in there so we didn't stay for too long.

Anddd that's a wrap! Didn't do much else besides take our bus to the airport and wait to take off. If you think the story ends here, I really wish you were right but you're unfortunately so wrong. I'm about to take you through the most crazy 44 hours I've ever experienced and hope to never experience again. This was a test of my limits, my gumption, and perseverance.

Just for reference, this is us when we still had some light in our eyes and hope in our hearts. Blissfully unaware of what fate had in store

Stranded in the Airport Challenge (NOT CLICKBAIT!)

Everyone by now knows of the Microsoft outage that took the world by storm and broke it all. Planes, trains, buses, businesses, hospitals, etc. were all affected and really shows how much we depend on software nowadays. While waiting, we would check out flight and see to our dismay that it kept getting delayed. Didn't think much of it since other flights were still able to take off and due to the Microsoft situation this was something to be expected. Diego ended up teaching us a card game called Golf which was a good time passer. At some point, we noticed that the screen didn't show our flight anymore, it literally just vanished with zero information as to what was going on. Now, slightly panicked, we went with a group of other anxious travelers only to find out that the flight was in fact cancelled and that we would have to find another solution for ourselves. The worst was upon us. Everything after this was straight chaos. We were on the phone with different hotels, searching up any available flights to not just Bilbao but all cities in Spain, as well as running around trying to find an employee with answers. The help desk was swarming with frantic energy and piles of people whose world was just turned upside down. Flights were either way too expensive or nonexistent, with none even showing up for Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday. Jayashree tried to get us an airbnb but the lady was super sketch and wanted 120 euros in the form of cash so we just ended up saying no to that option. With desperation and a bit of craziness I was searching up buses from Italy to Spain, as this was our best and probably only option. At first, a 26 hour bus ride seemed diabolical. In a state of affairs such as this, however, we had to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. 26 hours, are you insane, emily? Yes. We booked those tickets in a flash and then sat and wallowed in despair over what the next leg of the trip would bring us. On top of that, the airport had an affinity for attracting bugs so we were getting eaten alive as the scene unfolded around us. I think I might be allergic because mine were puffing up but surprise! I'm still alive and well so I should be okay. Our bus journey would start at noon on Sunday so until then, we figured that we would at least try and get some sleep. Set up camp with the other stragglers that the plane abandoned with nothing but our backpacks for pillows and my jacket as a blanket. While Jayashree and Diego did get some shuteye, I did not. Laying on the airport floor, surrounded by bugs, and still stressed from the news of our cancelled flight kept me awake. In a state of feverishness and sleep deprivation, I passed the time by making poorly edited memes of the situation and sharing the news with some friends on FaceTime (they definitely found me and the sitch to be very amusing). Later on in the morning after being awake for 24 hours, I did fall asleep on my bag in a chair until it was time to board our first bus.

Who needs purple mattress when the airport floor feels just as comfy as a cloud??

The Bus from Hell

I normally look forward to adventure, but this was an adventure that I didn't willingly want to embark on and would've avoided at all costs. Boarding that bus felt like selling my soul to an evil Mrs. Frizzle and her satanic magic school bus on a one way ticket to hangout with Hades. Our first stop was Turin, about an hour or so away from Milan. I was lucky enough to be placed behind a group of guys who wouldn't stop trying to flick each other in the head and cackling over their unfunny tiktoks. We were supposed to be in Turin for only an hour, but ended up getting delayed by two which really put me in a bad mood. I was beyond exhausted, still sweaty, felt gross, and pretty much only dined on fast food since the day before. All of us were out of it, but didn't take it out on each other which was good since a fight between us would've just made things worse. At long last, the transfer bus arrived in such a timely manner and took us to Grenoble, about four-ish hours away and featuring the mountains of Northern Italy. This was probably the only part of the trip that I semi-enjoyed since I've never seen mountains like this before in my life (and I have to admit that I wouldn't have seen this from a plane...). Even at my wits-end I can still appreciate some beautiful scenery.

We didn't stop long in Grenoble, and thankfully our last transfer bus was on time. By this point, I popped in some melatonin and was ready to konk out and just wake up in my bed back at Olarain. We really were God's strongest soldiers, but it was getting to the point where I would rather be anything else. Town crier, peasant, even court jester, anything that wouldn't make me do this trek back. I was sitting next to Diego on the bus and I kept waking up and falling asleep but still trying to talk to him. At one point I was laughing in my dream but it turned out that I was laughing in real life too, which probably made him super confused but I didn't have the brain capacity to explain. There really wasn't anything interesting on the 11 hour leg of this part back. We stopped a few times to pick up more passengers and then to eat at a rest stop, where I bought a shirt that says "I'm the king of BBQ" but all in French since I felt beyond gross and needed to change out of my shirt. Finally, we reached our homeland of San Sebastián where I nearly fell on my knees to the ground and kissed the soil. I don't think I would wish something like this on my worst enemy, and in my personal opinion I think it was harder than all of the labors of Hercules combined. I showed you the before picture, here's what we looked like after:

We lost a part of ourselves after this trip.

I only have one thing to say after this. Out of all the things that went out of control during this trip, one thing I could count on was me sweating nonstop 24/7.

Emily Dobao

Biomedical Engineering

IPE San Sebastian, Spain

July 25th, 2024

[angst-fairygodmother]

Heeeeyyy👋🏻 how about #75 and #43 from the 100 ways to say I love you with #83 from the angst/fluff prompt list for Derek x Reader 👀🙏🏼 he is just a sweetheart 💖 please and thank you uwu

A/N: You picked perfect prompts just, truly, I feel blessed. It wrote so easy for them. He really is a sweetheart isn’t he? I love him. Word Count: 1053 Rating: G - no warnings, only fluff

You frowned, pressing the door buzzer to silence it’s obnoxious ringing and unlock the front door to the building, surprised that your food had arrived so quickly. It had been a shitty couple of days, and you were tired and stressed and extremely grateful for Nino giving you the night off. Now you were looking forward to vegging out with your wonton soup and a comfort movie and just trying to get your head back in order.

Someone knocked on your door. 

“Be right there!” you called, looking around for where you had set down the tip money somewhere in the chaos of your main room.

When you finally pulled open the stiff apartment door, tugging your sweater tighter around you, you were surprised to see Derek on the other side.

“You’re not my Chinese food,” you blurted, internally kicking yourself as soon as the words left your lips. 

“Nope,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “But I do have a delivery.”

“What?” you frowned. “Don’t tell me Nino sent food or something? The last time he did, my apartment smelled like marinara for two weeks…”

“No, I’m not here for Nino. I’m on my way there now, but I wanted to stop by.”

“How’d you know I’d be here and not at work?”

“Guessed?”

You raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him, stepping aside to let him in and closing the door behind him. 

“Okay, fine. Sean and I were chillin at his place, and Nino called him to ask if you were okay because apparently you’ve never called in sick before?”

“I have so! Just, not very often.”

Well anyway, I overheard, and I thought...well here,” he said, producing a tall foil cone with something sticking out of the top from behind his back. “I picked these for you. Or bought them, I guess.”

“Roses?” you asked, surprised and flattered, though you tried your best to hide it. 

He hummed, seeming pleased with himself as your cheeks heated furiously.

“And what exactly were you hoping to gain from bringing me flowers?” you teased.

“Nothing, I swear. I was just thinking about you. Take em.” 

You accepted the bouquet with a soft smile. Only when it passed to your hands from his, did you notice that they weren’t real. They were made from some sort of textured paper. 

“What’s this then?” you asked, catching one of the soft corners between your fingers.

“Open one.”

Puzzled, you did as he suggested, carefully peeling back the layers of one bloom to reveal…

“You bought me chocolate roses?”

“Mom says sugar always helps. When she’s having a bad day, I bring her home a candy bar. When my sister’s first boyfriend broke up with her, I wanted to go kick his ass, you know, but Mom said ‘no, just take her out for ice cream.’ So I thought, since you’ve been having a hard time, it was probably head stuff rather than you being sick that made you call out, and it might...help…?”

You studied him for a moment, head tilted to one side, then looked back down at the flowers, trying to decide if you were reading in too much, or not enough. Fearing the chocolate would melt if you held it against you much longer, you set the edible flowers aside and shoved your hands in the front pockets of your jeans. 

“You really didn’t have to, Derek,” you said sheepishly, wholly unused to people buying you presents that weren’t for an occasion. “It’s no big deal.”

“I know it’s just exams or whatever, but it sucks, seeing you so stressed out that you’re cryin at work. I just...I want you to be happy. That’s all.”

“Yeah...that was a humiliatingly low point…” you grimaced.

“That’s not,” he sighed, “you don’t have to be embarrassed about it. We all gotta cry sometimes. I just, wanted to fix it. But I’m not smart, like you are, so I couldn’t help with the actual school stuff.” He shrugged sheepishly. “So I thought I’d do something nice for you instead. Only I didn’t know what you liked or would want so I just--”

You threw your arms around his neck,  hugging him tightly and burying your face into his hoodie so he couldn’t see the tears building in your eyes. He stumbled, not expecting your fierce, sudden affection, before he chuckled and let his hands fall to your waist, hugging back. 

“You didn’t have to buy me chocolates to cheer me up you know,” you mumbled. “All you had to do was stop by.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know why, but...When I’m with you, I’m happy. Being around you makes it hard not to be.”

He inhaled sharply, and you could feel the beat of his heart accelerate against you. You couldn’t blame him, shocked at your own admission but knowing it was far too late to take it back. And strangely enough, you didn’t want to anyway.

 You drew back to find him staring down at you, adoration and caring in his eyes, and maybe just a spark of something more heated. 

“You’re just saying that,” he protested nervously.

You had kissed him, once, and then never spoken of it again, somehow falling into silent agreement to forget it ever happened. But you didn’t want to forget, you hadn’t forgotten. Sometimes, it would crop up in your dreams. Sometimes, like right now, you’d be standing close to him (although this was even closer than usual as your arms were still wrapped around each other), and it would take all your willpower not to do it again.

You leaned in, stretching up on your toes to bring you closer. His eyes fluttered shut as your breath ghosted across his skin. He was so beautiful, you realized.

You pressed your lips to his cheek fleetingly.

“I mean it. Thank you, Derek,” you murmured, stepping out of the circle of his strong arms. “You are too sweet.”

The door buzzer screamed, making you both jump. 

“That would be my dinner, then,” you said, pressing the button again, now fully separated from him. “And you had better get to work.”

“Right,” he nodded, seeming distracted. “Right, yeah. Work. I’ll...see you tomorrow then?”

You beamed, genuinely looking forward to the prospect. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[tefanfics]

Changes

Chapter 43

Dinner was amazing. The restaurant was everything I had hoped it would be and more. Food was fantastic and crowd wasn’t too crazy, which meant it was a mostly private experience. No people staring at us. No one trying to interrupt. No one taking photos.

I liked our privacy. I liked not having to worry about paparazzi or the extreme fans. Sometimes it could be too much for me to handle. But not tonight.

We finished up dinner and headed for the car. Outside the restaurant Taron pulled me close and took out his phone. He snapped a quick picture of us, him pressing a kiss to my cheek. Inside the car, I buckled up and sat my phone on my lap as I pulled my heels off.

“You really hate heels, don’t you?”

“Yup,” I answered, flashing a grin at him. “They might make my legs great but they kill me feet. And as you know, I have to cling to you when I walk.”

Taron laughed as he started the car and when driving. We talked and sang along to the radio. I had assumed he was driving us home but when the car came to a stop in front of a building I didn’t recognize, I looked to him.

“This isn’t home.”

“It’s definitely not,” he responded. He undid his seatbelt and reached behind my seat. He pulled a bag from the backseat and sat it on his lap. He opened it and put his hand in the bag then looked at me. “Shoes on. Close your eyes. No peeking.”

I raised an eyebrow before abiding by his instructions. I slid the heels back on and I shut my eyes and waited. There was some fidgeting as I felt something against my face and an elastic band on the back of my head.

“What is this?” I asked. I started to reach up to feel what Taron had placed on me but he grabbed my hands before I could reach it.

“Ah, ah. You’ve got to wait.”

I frowned as I grabbed my phone, trying to be patient. I heard movement beside me followed by the sound of the bag hitting the back seat again. The car shut off and Taron opened his door. I reached for the handle but the door opened before I got to it.

“Keep your eyes shut please,” Taron said as he took my hands. I felt my phone being removed from my hand before I felt Taron’s grasp. “I’ve got you.” I nodded and swung my feet out of the car. My heels hit the pavement as Taron began guiding me out of the car. I took a couple of steps forward and heard the car door shut. Taron put a hand around my waist and started walking. I took careful steps as Taron assured me with each one. I heard a door open and the warm air of the heated room hitting my skin, causing goose bumps to appear on my skin. “Just a little bit further,” Taron murmured.

 A few minutes later, Taron stepped in front of me and stopped me. I heard a soft noise, like maybe a door opening. “Can I open my eyes yet?” I questioned.

There was no answer. I asked again but again silence. I reached around me, feeling blindly for my fiancé. When I decided I’d had enough, I opened my eyes to look around me. No Taron. I frowned and looked around. My eyes landed on a sign with an arrow saying This way. I followed instructions to another sign that led me up a set of stairs. At the top of the steps, there was another sign with an arrow. I followed it and found a set of doors. Their sign read Open me.

I raised an eyebrow as I put my hands on each door handle and pulled them open. I was met by flashing lights, music starting to play, a lot of people in costumes with Taron at the front and an exclamation of, “Happy birthday!!”

I stopped mid-stride. My eyes were wide and my hands flew to my mouth. “Holy shit,” I muttered. Taron separated himself from the group and approached me quickly, wrapping himself around me in a giant hug.

“Surprise!” He said with a grin. He stepped back and I could see his costume now. He’d shed the black and white jacket and left him in the pale blue button up. There was now a headband on with a halo above his head and I laughed.

“You’re an angel?” I questioned, giggling at my own words. “Does that make me…?” I rescued up and touched the mask on my face. I could feel the outline of horns on the top and when I could see my hands again, red glitter speckled across them. “You’re an angel and I’m a devil. That’s hilarious.”

“Told you the red dress was perfect,” Taron countered. “Come on. Party time.”

Taron took my hand and led me toward the crowd. I recognized faces from the Kingsman crew and some of Taron’s friends. I said my thank you’s to people as we passed. Taron left my side and went for drinks while I stopped to talk to Jack.

When Taron returned, it didn’t take long to polish off my drink. With a second one in hand, I started toward the group that had created the dance floor.

I let the music take control of my music as I started to let loose. I was having a blast. My eyes scanned the crowd, taking in each costume and who all was there. Taron joined me a little while later. I grew tired of my heels and took them off, running them to an empty chair and returning to Taron. The cold ground felt nice against my sore feet as we moved and swayed, jumping and flowing to the music.

The music slowed down and Taron pulled me close. I draped my arms over his shoulders as we swayed back and forth.

“I still think it’s funny that you think you’re the angel in this relationship,” I said with a sly smile.

“Oh but I am,” he answered. “Red dress, red hair, red lips… Which you’re lucky lipstick is still on. I’ve been dying to kiss you all evening.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“The crowd,” Taron said with a little shrug. He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “If I kiss you the way I’d like to, that would be a show for everyone. And I’m not willing to share.”

I blushed as he stood up straight. I looked away for a second, catching a glimpse of Jack with his phone. I got Taron’s attention as we looked at the camera, both of us grinning from ear to ear for the camera.

I looked back to Taron and smirked. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him, a little rougher than intended but enough to fully get his attention. “Just keep that in mind for later.”

“And that’s why you’re the devil.”

I threw my head back and laughed as the music grew fast and wild again. “I almost forgot!” Taron said loudly over the music. He was close to my ear but the music was so loud it was making the floor vibrate. “One more thing!”

“T, this is more than enough!” I answered, grinning at him. “Presents, lunch, dinner and a party!”

“Yeah but just trust me!” He turned me and pointed me toward where the DJ was set up. Someone was setting up three microphones. Two of them were on one stand. The second microphone was in the middle of the pole, which meant someone was going to be playing an instrument. Taron gave my shoulders a gentle squeeze as I watched the next person walk out.

In full pirate gear, eyepatch and all, a woman around my height and very short and spiky blonde hair came out with an acoustic guitar. I glanced over my shoulder at Taron and began shaking my head.

“I’d like to wish a happy birthday to my partner in crime,” the pirate said. “We’ve been around each other for years and it’s been determined that we are two halves of one brain.”

I threw my head back and laughed as Taron urged me forward. I walked through a handful of people before I reached my destination. “I thought you went home earlier this week, Callie,” I said with a grin.

“And miss your birthday? Hell no!” Callie lifted the eyepatch up and urged me to her. I gave her a side hug as she sat up in front of the mic. “How about a song?”

There was a moment of hesitation as I thought about singing in front of the crowd. But Callie was there to keep me steady and I knew all I needed to do was look to her or Taron and I’d be just fine. I gave her a nod and took my spot behind the mic stand beside her. I didn’t need to ask what song. Instead I just let Callie begin to play. She played the opening chords to Somewhere Only We Know by Keane and I took ahold of the mic in front of me. I shut my eyes and let out a shaky first note but after that, it was smooth sailing.

I sang a couple of songs with Callie before Taron took over. I stood in the center of the small crowd and watched, unable to stop grinning the entire time as my best friend played guitar and sang with my fiancé.

The party went on longer than I expected it to. I drank far too much. I kept dancing until my legs couldn’t keep me upright any longer and my balance was gone. Taron kept me on my feet as we said our goodbyes and he got me back to the car.

“That was amazing,” I managed as I sank into the seat. I shivered against the cool leather. Taron reached behind the seat and grabbed his jacket and handed it to me. I thanked him and put it over my upper body as though it was a blanket. “Thank you. I don’t deserve all of this, really.” I looked at the building as Taron left the parking lot then down to my hand, smiling at my engagement ring.

“You deserve all of this and more,” Taron answered. “You had fun though?”

“Yes!” I answered, flashing a wide smile. “Best birthday ever.”

Taron laughed, reaching over and putting his hand on my leg. “So how about that other kind of celebrating?”

I winked at him as I took ahold of his hand. “Just wait till we get home.”

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

Malou (’Mia Mayhem’) Jensen *Main character

Voice Claim:(Olivia Wilde) https://youtu.be/bV6cC-rUMCs?t=1m13s (Right click on links and open in new tab)

Partner(s): Dalton. Parents: None. Kids: None. Age: 37 (Year 2020) 26th of May. Height: 173cm Body type: Slim. Eye color: Light blue/gray Human: Immortal.

About: Caring, Individualistic, Generous, Passionate, Creative, Adventurous, Sarcastic, Charismatic, Clever, Compassionate, Sensitive, Freethinking, Friendly, Helpful, Sharing,  Humble, Self-critical, Understanding, Witty, Open-minded, Absentminded, Emotional, Brooding, Skeptical, Stubborn, Shy, Introvert, Observant, Anxious, Cautious, Genuine, Awkward and Clumsy. ~ Straight, but loves to watch gay porn. Is borderline Asexual when it comes to straight sex. ~ Has several tattoos on her body, mainly Geeky, representing some of the fandoms she’s in. ~ Her favorite tattoo is the unicorn she has on her left hand. ~ Colors her hair electric blue. ~ Is a writer/artist. ~ Currently learning to write song lyrics/sing/play guitar. ~ Lives with her roomie, Dalton. ~ Used to attend a design school where she would sew clothes all day, now she can’t stand sewing by machine, and only does things she can sew by hand. ~ HUGE cat lover. - Has 3 of her own, Oliver, BMO and Bunny. ~ Used to be very skinny and hated when people assumed she had an eating disorder, or called her names like giraffe or spider legs, when she actually had a very large appetite and always ate a lot. ~ Always smells like burned incense and wood. ~ Hates most artificial smells, loves earthy tones. ~ Loves to collect creepy stuff. ~ Atheist. ~ Has a pretty dark sense of humor. ~ Drinks almost nothing but tea. ~ Is probably made of tea? ~ Dislikes society. ~ Flannel/tartan addict. ~ Super power = anxiety. ~ Believes in unicorns and magic. ~ Strong-willed. ~ Stomps around in big boots. ~ Once kicked a taxi cause the driver was an ass. ~ Hates when people repeatedly sticks their nose in her business. ~ Orphan. ~ Pretty good cook. ~ Fills her bed with plushies to make up for the fact she hasn't shared her bed with anyone half a decade at least. ~ Lonely. ~ Melancholic. ~ Romantic at heart though she never fully admits it. ~ Cares too much for her own good. ~ 100/10 would do anything for the people she loves. ~ Is very honest, if you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask for it. ~ Was abused physically and mentally as a child, as result she sometimes suffers from anxiety, Depression and bad nerves. ~ Can be rather pessimistic. ~ Hates freezing. ~ Uncomfortable around people. ~ Loves her friends, her cats, Rock music, chillout music, pandas, unicorns, owls, wolves, ravens, deer, bears, foxes, Deadpool, watching movies, plushies, licorice, writing, being creative in any way, light chains, grungy stuff, neon lights, Christmas, Halloween, Halloween-type decor, Hello Kitty, 90′s stuff, spearmint, finding deeper meaning in stuff around her, stickers, Anti-Heroes, collecting penis decor, spooky stuff, anything made out of raw wood, flannel, daydreaming, weird/cute/extraordinary mugs, leather wristbands, gay porn, dancing to loud music, Rick & Morty, coloring books, cozy blankets, strange backpacks, gemstones/crystals, nature and scented candles. ~ Her style changes with her mood. One day she wears bright colorful stuff with rainbows and unicorns. Next day it’s black clothes with witchy/creepy symbols/prints or dirty jeans and oversized flannel shirts. ~ Can be pretty grumpy, but it’s usually nothing more than just that. Malou’s tag Malou’s house/home Malou’s moodboard Handwriting/ask answer pic:

One Gif to describe her:

One song to describe her:  Mumford & Sons - Hopeless Wanderer Personal playlist: 1. Incubus - Drive 2. D-A-D - Laugh 'n' A ½ 3. Godsmack - Serenity 4. Jack Johnson - All At Once 5. Damon Albarn – On Melancholy Hill (acoustic) 6. Tim Christensen - Whispering At The Top Of My Lungs 7. Linkin Park - Papercut 8. Nirvana - Plateau 9. Gorillaz - Tomorrow Comes Today 10. Serj Tankian - Left Of Center 11. Korn - Freak On a Leash 12. The White Stripes - Hardest Button To Button 13. Gorillaz - Aries ft. Peter Hook & Georgia 14. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop 15. Madrugada - Sirens 16. Alabama 3 - Woke Up This Morning 17. Gorillaz - Amarillo 18. Jewel - Absence Of Fear 19. Angels and Airwaves - Secret Crowds 20. Blur - Girls And Boys 21. Gorillaz - Saturnz Barz (Spirit House) 22. Cigarettes After Sex - Sweet  23. Jewel - Deep Water 24. Jack Johnson - Sleep Through the Static 25. Damon Albarn - Lonely Press Play 26. D-A-D - Empty Heads 27. R.E.M. - Drive 28. Incubus - Promises, Promises 29. Chris Cornell - Billie Jean 30. Blur - Colin Zeal 31. Puscifer - Momma Sed 32. Heartless Bastards - Only For You 33. Gorillaz - El Mañana 34. Angels & Airwaves - Breathe 35. The Beatles - Come Together 36. 4 Non Blondes - What's Up 37. Gorillaz - Momentary Bliss ft. slowthai & Slaves 38. Norah Jones - Come Away With Me 39. Blur - Mirrorball 40. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia 41. Limp Bizkit feat. Method Man N 2 Gether Now 42. 2Pac - Changes ft. Talent 43. D-A-D - Bad Craziness 44. Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea 45. Blur - Ong Ong 46. Angels and Airwaves - Do It For Me Now 47. Right Said Fred - What A Day For A Daydream 48. Damon Albarn - Everyday Robots 49. The Human League - I’m The Law 50. Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity 51. Linkin Park - A Place For My Head 52. Blink -182 - Down 53. 3 Doors Down - Duck And Run 54. Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket 55. Savage Garden - The Animal Song 56. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tissue 57. Incubus - Dig 58. Green Day - Basket Case 59. LP - Lost On You [Live Session] 60. D-A-D - Sleeping My Day Away 61. Bob Marley - Buffalo Soldier 62. Beth Hart - Delicious Surprise 63. Extreme - Hole Hearted 64. Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al 65. Jack Johnson - Breakdown 66. Damon Albarn - Photographs (You Are Taking Now) 67. Sticky Fingers - Cyclone (The Village Sessions) 68. Blur - Star Shaped 69. Serj Tankian - Empty Walls 70. The Dead South - Diamond Ring 71. The Kills - U.R.A Fever 72. Godsmack - I Stand Alone 73. Queen -  Bicycle Race 74. Alanis Morissette - Ironic 75. Dizzy Mizz Lizzy - Hidden War 76. Nirvana - About A Girl 77. Damon Albarn - Mr Tembo 78. Savage Garden - To The Moon & Back 79. Alannah Myles - Black Velvet 80. Jewel - Down So Long 81. Tep No - Swear Like A Sailor 82. Youssou N'Dour - 7 Seconds ft. Neneh Cherry 83. Gorillaz - Broken 84. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Road Trippin 85. Jewel - Good Day 86. Sheryl Crow - Everyday Is A Winding Road 87. Gorillaz - The Valley of The Pagans ft. Beck 88. Green Day - When I Come Around 89. Tim Christensen - Lay Down Your Arms 90. Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood 91. The Pretty Reckless - Zombie 92. Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow 93. Blackfield - My Gift of Silence 94. Dizzy Mizz Lizzy - Love Me a Little 95. Damon Albarn - Heavy Seas Of Love 96. The Paper Kites - Bloom 97. David Bowie - Heroes 98. The Beatles - Day Tripper 99. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. 100. Faithless - Mass Destruction 101. Limp Bizkit - My Generation (Uncensored) 102. Tasmin Archer - Sleeping Satellite 103. Jennifer Brown - Alive 104. Of Monsters And Men - Sloom 105. Panic! At The Disco - New Perspective 106. Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff(Explicit) 107. Blur - Lonesome Street 108. Sort Sol - Holler High 109. Jacob Lee - Demons (Philosophical Sessions) 110. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here 111. Nina Simone  Feeling Good 112. The Human League - Darkness 113. Gorillaz - Strange Timez ft. Robert Smith 114. Des'ree - I'm Kissing You 115. Meredith Brooks - What Would Happen 116. Dan Black - Symphonies ft. Kid Cudi 117. The Kills - No Wow 118. Gorillaz - Fire Flies 119. Guns N' Roses - Patience 120. Incubus - In The Company Of Wolves 121. The Dead Weather - Will There Be Enough Water 122. Hooverphonic - Mad About You (Live at Koningin Elisabethzaal 2012) 123. Blur - The Universal 124. Sort Sol - Let Your Fingers Do The Walking 125. Roy Orbison - In The Real World 126. Corey Hart - Sunglasses At Night 127. Imagine Dragons - Radioactive (Henri Pfr & Hësling Edit) (Cover By Victoria) 128. Hollow Coves - These Memories 129. Beth Hart - Favorite Things 130. Catching Flies - Quiet Nights Bonus: Yello - Oh Yeah Double Bonus: Meredith Brooks - Bitch Triple Bonus: Seal - Crazy Almost done I swear!: Wolf Larsen - If I Be Wrong Last but not least: Tim Christensen - Enjoy The Silence

[localbizlift]

Conversion Rate Optimization Consulting

Are you currently running an online business?

Do you think you can sell more of your products applying the same actions?

Because that’s exactly what Conversion Optimization does for you.

You’re using the same ads, landing/sales pages, and funnels but they just convert more.

That’s something you absolutely want to focus on if you’ve been running ads for a long time but you haven’t found the formula for healthy scaling.

Just imagine doubling your conversions…

Wouldn’t that be CRAZY?

Well with today’s conversion rate optimization strategies you can easily do it.

You just have to know what to look for and how to get it.

So without further ado…

Here’s a detailed guide on how to find the best conversion rate optimization consultants and how to work with them to guarantee real trackable results.

5 Ways a Conversion Rate Optimization Consultant Can Help Grow Your Business

The professional CRO Consultant is going to optimize your funnel to the very last bit.

But there are always activities that just generate more results than others.

Say for example your sales funnel is driving the most sales for your business.

You would want to optimize the pages in it first and then move on to optimizing different social media and other website pages.

So make sure you rank your activities from most to least important and then find a CRO Consultant that can help you with the top ones.

Further down this post, I’ll go over the questions you need to ask yourself in order to understand what to focus on first.

But for now, here’s the number one way a consultant can help you optimize your CRO:

#1 Webinar and VSL Conversion Rate Optimization

Many people think conversions can be optimized only on paper.

But the same CRO process goes for any sales video you use in your business.

And with nowadays fast-paced world, most businesses have switched to selling high-ticket offers through webinars.

If you’re currently running a webinar you NEED to maximize the conversions coming from it.

You can’t keep pouring water into a leaking bucket, can you?

It’s your personal duty and obligation to make the most of your sales process in order to:

Help the most amount of people with your products

Generate the most amount of sales possible for your business

And that’s why hiring a professional CRO Consultant to look at your webinar, the pages, the emails leading to it, and of course the follow-up after is extremely essential.

He can quickly assess what needs to be improved and how to do it most efficiently.

Because I’m sure you wouldn’t want to record a 90-minute webinar from the scratch.

#2 Website Conversion Rate Optimization

For many businesses, their website is basically their sales funnel.

It’s the place where they drive the most traffic and get the most sales.

So if your business is in the same spot, you’ve got to realize that depending on a single thing to bring in sales (the website) is a little ambitious.

And not having it fully-optimized for conversions is straight-up idiotic.

That’s why you need to hire an Expert CRO Consultant that can optimize every single bit of your website.

You would be surprised that 43% of business owners don’t know which is the most important page on their website.

That’s why it is very easy to get distracted and focus on the wrong thing when trying to scale your business.

#3 Pay Per Click Conversion Rate Optimization

Let’s say you already have your funnel up and running.

If that’s the case, you need to start focusing your attention on paid ads that bring in more and more potential customers to your pages.

That’s an easy way to check your actual funnel conversions and optimize accordingly.

But you can’t sell your products/services if your ads don’t convert, right?

Of course, if you’re just starting, you can try setting them up on your own.

But hiring a professional to at least check your work and give you valuable split-test suggestions is crucial if you want to run the same ads for a long time.

And trust me — you want long-term result generating ads.

#4 Social Media Conversion Rate Optimization

Imagine this…

You’ve got a fully automated sales funnel that profits like crazy with ads.

You’re scaling it up but you want more…

That’s where you put your mind into social media marketing and social media presence.

Regularly posting conversion-optimized content on your Facebook Page, Facebook Profile, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok… is essential if you want to be in front of everyone at all times.

I’m sure you know about the ancient rule of marketing — The Rule of 7.

It says that a prospect must see your marketing message at least 7 times before he proceeds to become a partner, investor, customer for your products and services.

That’s why you need to close your potential customers on all platforms.

Because if you don’t, they’re just going to lose their hype and forget about you.

Also, a well-thought-out social media strategy will not only increase your social media conversions but also your overall business followers.

Which helps in the long-term game.

#5 Back End Conversion Rate Optimization

And here comes the last but definitely not the worst option.

Which is optimizing your back end sales through with higher converting pages and follow-up.

We covered how to get traffic, how to convert it through your funnel/website, and now comes the fun part…

Your Back End. for most businesses that’s the place they make the most profits.

So neglecting it is the last thing you should do if you really want to scale your business to the moon.

Famous back end follow-up is Email Marketing.

An expert consultant will not only show you the best email marketing practices you can use in your business…

But also, he’ll suggest new ideas you didn’t even know existed till this point.

How to Get Started With Conversion Rate Optimization

After you pick what you need help with, it’s time to find out how to start with conversion rate optimization.

Firstly, you need to find a consultant that specializes in what you need help with.

Simple right? Wrong!

Hiring a consultant can either be a walk in the park or an endless lion chase.

What do I mean by that?

Basically nowadays everyone pretends to be ten times better than they actually are.

You don’t want to individually outreach people that say they’re good on their social media.

The best way to ensure results is to prepare a detailed job post and put it on freelancing platforms like Upwork.

That way only people that have experience and results in the industry will reach out and start a chat with you.

Again, be very detail-oriented in your job post and make a step-by-step checklist covering what you need before proceeding to hire your ideal match.

Measuring the ROI of Conversion Rate Optimization Consulting Services

Let’s say you hire a CRO Consultant and begin your first conversion rate optimization journey.

How can you know that you made the right choice?

Well, an easy way is to ask your consultant for expectations you can have during the project.

What increase in revenue can you expect in the first month? What will be changed and what will stay the same?

And most importantly, if you’re currently not doing it, start checking your sales and conversions daily.

I’m sure that the marketing tools you currently use track enough data to see if your consultant really makes a difference in your business.

Your ROI (Return On Investment) is crucial and you can’t craw through the desert blindfolded for months.

Meaning you can’t trust empty claims. You either get results or not. There’s nothing in between.

6 Point Checklist For Finding the Right Conversion Rate Optimization Consultant

This section will be useful for you if you haven’t hired consultants in the past.

So if you have any questions or concerns about the process you’re about to go through, just follow this detailed plan and you’ll end up with trackable and real results.

#1 Write down exactly what you need from your consultant on a google docs file

I’m sure you’ve used google docs before. If you haven’t it’s Google’s alternative to Word.

So the first step of your journey is to clear your mind on what exactly you need from your consultant.

What part of your business drives the most sales?

Do you believe it can drive even more sales? (it probably can)

What aspect of your business have you been neglecting until this point?

The answers to these three questions should give you a good idea of what you need help with.

If you end up having 2-3 different answers then you should pick the one that can generate the most sales in your opinion. 

#2 Create your job post

After you know what you need, it’s time to get it.

The easiest way to do it is to create a job post on a freelancing platform.

That’s a quick way to find medium-tier consultants that can do the job fast.

But if you’re a big business looking for the best of the best, you should consider talking to a leading consultant in a proven marketing agency.

Agencies have a lot more clients and that way they have access to much more relevant analytics for what works.

We recommend NP Digital as it is the best marketing agency when it comes to SEO and CRO.

So if you’re ready to take your conversions to the next level, book a call today and talk to an expert in no time:

#3 Make sure your consultant has proven results in the field you need help with

This is critical. Always make sure your consultant has a proven track record behind his back. 

An easy way is to ask for previous results these consultants have generated for similar clients. 

Of course, if you’re talking to a marketing agency like NP Digital, you don’t need to worry about results.

Then it’s time to set up some calls. Try to talk to at least 3 consultants and always ask for their opinion about the strategy you should be using.

That way you’ll have different perspectives and maybe find out something you missed when doing your personal assessment.

#4 Hire them and do NOT be cheap

After you’re sure who’s the best consultant of the bunch, you should begin your contract.

But don’t jump the gun too fast. You never know what could go wrong.

So before you start a long-term retainer with your CRO Consultant, you should first hire him for a test project.

Find a small thing they can optimize to start with.

If they do a good job, then move to a larger project.

And don’t expect results from consultants that charge 5 dollars an hour. 

Go all out on this project and hire the best of the best so you get your desired results.

#5 Track the results daily

Tracking your ROI is extremely important as we mentioned previously.

You should always do the math and see if your consultant makes you money in return.

If you’re not happy with the results and don’t see a positive future at some point in your contract, just end it.

Still, if they did a great job until the point you decide to end the contract, always make sure to leave him a positive review/testimonial that he can use for future clients.

#6 Keep investing until you stop getting results

But what happens if this consultant never stops generating results?

That’s more common with agencies that specialize in multiple marketing skills.

And if that’s the case for you, just keep investing until they stop.

You wouldn’t want to throw away your golden goose, would you now?

If the results from the first month exceed your expectations, you should consider raising your consultant’s salary/working hours. 

Let him manage and optimize even more parts of your business. 

Of course, don’t force him to do it.

If they just optimize your funnel and you want to focus on social media presence, you should first ask him whether they do that as well.

If he’s not up for it, you can look for another talent that can handle this part of your business.

It’s time to make you some money!

Please use the process I just shared with you and do it now.

If you procrastinate on hiring a CRO Consultant, you can really lose on a lot of money.

Your conversions are the thing that drives your sales.

So leave what you’re currently doing and go get your Conversion Rate Optimization Consultant.

Also, have you ever worked with a CRO Consultant? If yes, how was it? Share your experience in the comments below:

The post Conversion Rate Optimization Consulting appeared first on Neil Patel.

[victorlimadelta]

pidge // ☽ // ♒️

The Moon is in Aquarius

Moon in Aquarius people are extremely observant. They are life-time students of human nature, loving to analyze why people do what they do. This often stems from a detached--even shy--personality, especially in youth. Whether due to character or conditioning, Moon in Aquarius people often grow up feeling "different". Although rather sociable, they are often loners at heart. Many have strong egos, or at least powerful defense mechanisms, and most Lunar Aquarians will do their best to be the most unique and unusual person they can be. Their inner feeling of loneliness--that they don't quite fit in--puts them on the outside, looking in. There is a very idealistic and progressive streak in Lunar Aquarians that is admirable indeed. However, when the Moon is in Aquarius, natives often will deny the more irrational qualities of emotions--such as jealousy, possessiveness, and fear--in an effort to be "above" what they consider "pettiness". When this goes too far, Lunar Aquarians can be emotionally blocked, distant, and detached.

Lunar Aquarians can be very willful, especially in childhood. With age, these natives generally learn to handle their strong needs. Their desire for independence is powerful indeed, no matter what their age. With a quiet Sun and/or Ascendant, their desire to "shock" others is not always apparent until a relationship becomes comfortable. They are generally proud of their family members, boasting just how unique they are. When their families are ultra-conservative, the boast will be that they rebelled against all of that!

Although given to temper tantrums and willful behavior in youth, Moon in Aquarius people often grow up feeling that messy emotions are unappealing. They often pride themselves for being cool-headed, detached, and "above" what they consider the more base emotions. In the process, they can end up alienating others--and themselves. Although Lunar Aquarians can be especially adept at understanding others' behavior and motivations, they can lose touch with their own--simply because they have identified too strongly with what they aspire to be (and these aspirations are often super-human). The Aquarian tendency to be humanitarian shows up powerfully in Moon in Aquarius. However, their kindness and concern for others is generally more a broad philosophy of life. With people close to them, Moon in Aquarius natives can seemingly lack compassion, as they often fully expect others to be as independent and detached as they are! In close, personal relationships, however, Lunar Aquarians generally give others a lot of personal freedom, and they will tolerate and enjoy all kinds of idiosyncrasies in people around them.

Moon in Aquarius people are rarely flighty people, but they can be unreliable when it concerns the little things in life. Often, this is simply an assertion of their independence. In the long haul, however, they are rather constant, as Aquarius is a fixed sign. As long as they have their own space and the freedom to be themselves, however kooky that may be, they are trustworthy and loyal. Lunar Aquarians generally make wonderful friends. They'll make a point of leaving nobody on the outside. Many will fight for other's rights and crusade for equality. What may be surprising is that Moon in Aquarius people have a lot of pride. In fact, when they've been attacked in any way (especially regarding their character), they can become very inflexible and cool. It can be difficult to know just how sensitive to criticism Lunar Aquarians are, simply because they hide it so well! When their character or behavior has been criticized, they tend to dig in their heels and keep right on doing it. They fully expect others to accept them exactly as they are, or they don't have much use for them in their lives. These sometimes maddeningly unpredictable people are nevertheless quite charming. They have an unmistakable stubborn streak, but when left to be themselves, they make unusual and endlessly interesting people to be around. Life just wouldn't be the same without Lunar Aquarians' unusual spin on the world and the people in it!

Short description:

She is sociable, intelligent, and lucid. Thanks to great sociability, she has many friends. She is modern, original, inventive, non-conformist, and is likely to bring new life to everything she does.

Potential issues: She is eccentric with sharp mood swings. Complex love life.

Moon in I: The Moon is in the first house

Very sensitive. Fantasizes. She is easily touched, moved, and affected; she is sometimes shy, prudent, and emotional.

Your feelings are right out there for everyone to see, and you can come across as emotional and impatient, or nurturing and caring (or both). Your first reaction is emotional, especially if the Moon is in close proximity (within ten degrees) of the Ascendant degree. You need emotional stimulation, movement, and freedom to express yourself in order to feel happy and fulfilled. Your moods are very changeable, and this can be quite obvious to others. Because of your emotional sensitivity, you might often take things too personally, and react too quickly. Developing an awareness that others' emotions are just as important, even if they are not as overt and immediate as yours, will be important.

43 Sextile between the Moon and Venus

You are generally amiable and project a soft and yielding manner. You possess natural charm and you are highly imaginative and sympathetic. You can make an excellent mediator and go-between. You are keenly aware of your need for relationships and for intimacy. You have a well-developed respect for qualities typically associated with the feminine. People appreciate you for your tender heart and friendly, diplomatic disposition. You should enjoy a good measure of personal popularity and success in your life. Although generally considered "lucky" with relationships and with money, this is less about luck than it is about a certain level of inner peace and positive energy that attracts pleasant situations. At times you can be complacent, downright lazy, and over-indulgent in the "pleasures" of life. However, you are a peace-maker at heart and have an unusual ability to help and heal others. You are gracious and warm.

She is gracious, sweet, happy. She especially enjoys pleasure and entertainment, the Arts. She needs tenderness. She appreciates home life in a comfortable, safe atmosphere more than most.

419 Conjunction between the Moon and Jupiter

She is generally pleasantly composed, due to an inner sense of harmony and emotional balance. She is optimistic--and realistically so, most of the time--which contributes to her overall "luck." She is able to get a real perspective on emotional matters that not only benefits her outlook, she is able to offer support to others when needed. Broad-mindedness is a wonderful characteristic. Quick to find humor in situations, she is generally warm and fun to be around. Deep down, she believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps her to attract positive circumstances and to make good connections. One of her best qualities is tolerance. Usually, she doesn't take life too seriously in the sense that she believes in having a bit of fun, enjoying life. Her hunches are more often than not bang-on.

She is frank, honest, optimistic and generous. She likes good cooking, creature comforts. Her friendships are sincere. She is smart and knows how to surround herself with the right people: She is appreciated at work, usually well-liked and comfortable.

5 Conjunction between the Moon and Uranus

She is imaginative and benefits from the Moon's intuition complemented by Uranus' independence and originality. Her life is out-of-the-ordinary, with lots of changes and a great knowledge of the world not necessarily through reading but through personal experience and brilliant intuition. She likes the sensational, new things. She acts instinctively, but fortunately has a good sixth sense. She likes to be surrounded by original people, artists.

-11 Square between the Moon and Midheaven

She can have an irresolute nature, with sudden changes of humor. She is changeable, not always following through on her own objectives since these change often. This instability shows itself not only in professional life but also in love life and friendships. There can be a love-hate relationship with one's status or reputation. She may often feel misunderstood by parents, teachers, or bosses as the wrong image may be projected.

[mirrcred]

[ alex fitzalan / aletheia / dike / muse 43 ] / [ noel caron ] is a [ twenty ] year old [ political science & linguistics (pre-law) ] major. [ he ] is known for being [ persuasive & sincere ] but [ worrisome & sensitive ]. when i think of them, i imagine [ extremely neat handwriting, a lowly lit desk covered in notes, & late night conversations with those you're close to ]. and even though they’re a proud hu student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ mhp (aqua) graduate ]. i asked around and it turns out they [ are ] an aop student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ canvasing in french for multiple local elections & placing in multiple national debate competitions despite being a first-generation college student & coming from a low-income background ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

tw for mentions of panic attacks in the bold text!

basics

full name: noel caron

subplot: muse 43 (the tide is high)

age: 20

faceclaim: alex fitzalan

hometown: montreal, quebec, canada

high school: mhp (aqua)

current location: hatchett u

gender: male

pronouns: he/him

orientation: gay (closeted)

religion: grew up catholic, now in a gray area

clubs: aop club, language exchange club, speak to lead

language(s) spoken: english, french, some latin

zodiac sign: pisces

political affiliation: democratic socialist

more

noel was born in montreal, quebec and resided there for 15 years. he got to experience a lot of french and canadian culture, and he enjoyed the diversity he was exposed to. to this day, he still has some of the french accent while speaking english. in his first years in the states, though, he felt embarrassed by his accent and tried to learn how to suppress it. he never fully did though, and it especially comes out in certain words, such as catholic or electric where he ends it with more of an “eek” sound.

he grew up in a lower income household to immigrant parents who thought they could make a living with their bakery in montreal.

while in school, noel’s teachers realized he was extremely smart and had a lot of potential. despite growing up in a francophone household, he learned english quick and was very good in both languages.

so, to ensure noel had a better future, his parents encouraged him to go to a good high school in the united states so he could go to a good american college.

noel then decided to apply to mhp, and to his surprise, he got in on a full ride.

(begin mentions of panic attacks)

in high school, noel started to get panic attacks. before a large debate competition, noel started to feel sick and like something terrible was about to happen.

after that, he started getting them more often. he didn’t immediately recognize what was happening, but after it started affecting him, he looked online for answers.

now, noel knows that he’s experiencing panic attacks, and does everything he can to avoid having them around other people. he doesn’t want to be the center of attention or get negative attention.

(end mentions of panic attacks)

noel definitely had high expectations for the mhp, but he ended up finding it less than ideal.

he wasn’t hated, per se, but he wasn’t loved by everybody either. he always did everything he could to be kind due to a mix of his kindhearted nature and wanting to be liked. however, he was often too nice, leading others to make jokes about him, harass him, or take advantage of his kindness.

noel tried not to let it get to him, though. he knew that he was being a good person.

in an attempt to get over his shyness, noel started to participate in debate, and to his surprise, he was great at it!

after years of excelling in speech and debate, noel realized he wanted to go into the law profession.

to gain political science and law experience, he began interning at law offices and creating french materials for local elections to try to gain francophone voters.

he’s very academic, and is often studying or practicing his debate skills. early in the morning, you can always find him in the cafe or library.

getting into hatchett was a dream for him, he would’ve never imagined that somebody from his background could do it. 

gradually, he’s working on his confidence and openness, and now loves to make friends and have deep conversations.

overall, he’s very sincere and nice but he’s also learned how to be persuasive and honest with those around him, and always fight for justice and what’s right.

connections i’d like

literally anything but...

best friend

best friend from high school but they somehow fell off

crush/unrequited love thing either way :)

girl that noel dates/pretends to like but,, he’s gay

international/exchange friends who are also not from the us or native english speakers for him to connect with!

prelaw/polisci buds!

somebody who finds out he has tw: panic attacks and helps him out with it

again anything please

okay, that was a lot. wow, thanks to anybody who read through that! i’m just so excited to be here with the interesting plot and all the characters! so yeah, if anybody wants to plot with me, i’m open! just message me on discord or like this post! i would love to talk to all of you lovely people. any connection for him would be great!

[rafe8bbanna]

Best Good Morning Quotes 1. “Good morning. Life is like a mirror: it will smile at you if you smile at it.”

2. “Every morning has a new beginning, a new blessing, a new hope. It’s a perfect day because it’s God’s gift. Have a blessed, hopeful perfect day to begin with.”

3. “Today will be a good day. So wake up and smile”

Good Morning Quotes 4. “Set a goal that make you want to jump out of bed in the morning.”

5. “I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes.”

6. “Life without a purpose is a languid, drifting thing; every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves, This day let me make a sound beginning. ” – Thomas Kempis

7. “Although time seems to fly, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live your life to the fullest. In each waking day, you will find scores of blessing and opportunities for positive change. Do not let your today be stolen by the unchangeable past or the indefinite future! Today is new day! Good Morning!” – Steve Maraboli

8. “Good morning is not just a word. It’s an action and a belief to live the entire day well. Morning is the time when you set the tone for the rest of the day. Set it right. Have a nice day.”

9. “Life laughs at you when you are unhappy. Life smiles at you when you are happy. But, Life salutes you when you make others happy.” – Charlie Chaplin

10. “Something special awaits you each day. All you need is to recognize it and make the most of it. Have a positive attitude through out the day and then that today is going to the best day in your life. Good morning.”

11. “It doesn’t matter what day of the week it is. As long as we are together, it will always be a beautiful day. Good morning.”

12. “The world is beautiful outside when there is stability inside.”

Good Morning Quotes 13. “Your journey will be much lighter and easier if you don’t carry your past with you.”

14. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius

15. “Waking up this morning, I smile. 24 brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

16. “Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.” – Lemony Snicket

17. “”Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.” – Mahatma Gandhi

18. “Not the day only, but all things have their morning.” – French Proverb

19. “An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” – Henry David Thoreau

20. “You cry and scream and you stomp your feet and you shout. You say: “You know what? I’m giving up, I don’t care!” And then you go to bed and you wake up and it’s a brand new day. And you pick yourself back up again.”

21. “Life is too short, she panicked, I want more. He nodded slowly, Wake up earlier.” – Dr. SunWolf

22. “”The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years.” – Thomas Jefferson

Good Morning Quotes 23. “I like my coffee black and my mornings bright.” – Terri Guillemets

24. “I used to love night best but the older I get the more treasures and hope and joy I find in mornings”

25. “Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.” – William Feather

26. “You have to get up every morning and tell yourself I can do this.”

27. “Every morning you have two choices: continue to sleep with dreams or wake up and chase your dreams. The choice is yours!”

28. “Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth: “You owe me.”

29. “Lose an hour in the morning, and you will spend all day looking for it.” – Richard Whately

30. “Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” – Meister Eckhart

Good Morning Quotes 31. “Now that your eyes are open, make the sun jealous with your burning passion to start the day. Make the sun jealous or stay in bed.” – Malak El Halabi

32. “The world is new to us every morning. This is God’s gift and every man should believe he is reborn each day.”

33. “In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

34. “Every morning was a cheerful invitation to make my life of equal simplicity, and I may say innocence, with Nature herself.” – Henry David Thoreau

35. “I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over so I refuse to have a bad day.” – Paul Henderson

36. “Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you’ll start to see a big difference in your life.” – Yoko Ono

37. “Every morning is a beautiful morning.” – Terri Guillemets

38. “When I first open my eyes upon the morning meadows and look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

39. “One key to success is to have lunch at the time of day most people have breakfast.” – Robert Brault

40. “Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” – Ursula K. Le Guin

41. “Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them.” – William Arthur Ward

42. “There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” – Bernard Williams

43. “I used to love night best but the older I get the more treasures and hope and joy I find in mornings.” – Terri Guillemets

44. “Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.” – William Blake

45. “Each day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

46. “I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.”

47. “Every morning, I wake up saying, I’m still alive, a miracle. And so I keep on pushing.” Jim Carrey

48. “With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”

Good Morning Quotes 49. “I love early mornings when I feel like a rest of the world is the fast asleep and you’re the only one who’s awake and everything feels like it isn’t really real and you kind of forget about all your problems because for now it’s just you, the world and the sunrise.”

50. “The sun is but a morning star.” – Henry David

51. “Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.” – Josh Billings

52. “It is in the early morning hour that the unseen is seen, and that the far-off beauty and glory, vanquishing all their vagueness, move down upon us till they stand clear as crystal close over against the soul.” – Sarah Smiley

53. “There are two ways to wake up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning!” – Fulton J. Sheen

54. “Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities.” – Harvey Mackay

55. “To simply wake up every morning a better person than when I went to bed.” – Sidney Poitier

56. “Don’t try to force your life to be perfect. Live your life and discover the perfectness in everyday . Don’t stress about how your life will turn out. Just take a breath and go along for the ride. Have a nice morning!”

57. “Once you accept someone for what they really are, they will really surprise you by being better than you ever expected. Good morning!”

58. “Night has gone and the moon, too. Sun is shinning and the sky is blue. Time to open your beautiful eyes; And accept my message to you!”

59. “Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don’t.”

60. “A morning is a wonderful blessing. It stands for hope, giving us another start of what we call Life.”

61. “Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them.”

Good Morning Quotes 62. “Your morning hugs are the key to a secret safe Where I store all my happy memories. Good morning”

63. “You have no idea how good it feels to wake up every morning knowing you are mine And I am yours. Good morning!”

64. “Every morning with you leaves me jumping for joy instead of the tedious of the mornings before you life is now filled with love and energy.”

65. “Every day I feel is a blessing from God. And I consider it a new beginning. Yeah, everything is beautiful.” – Prince

66. “Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but every morning I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, ‘It’s going to be a good day!”. – Lindsay Lohan

67. “The sun is new each day.” – Heraclitus

Good Morning Quotes 68. “I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.” – J. B. Priestley

69. “Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day, which must be done, whether you like it or not.” – James Russell Lowell

70. “Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” – Elbert Hubbard

71. “Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of the woods before sunrise.” – George Washington Carver

72. “God’s mercy is fresh and new every morning.” – Joyce Meyer

73. “I’m always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning. Every day I find something creative to do with my life.” – Miles Davis

74. “A good idea will keep you awake during the morning, but a great idea will keep you awake during the night.” – Marilyn vos Savant

75. “Do I get up every morning and ask: am I doing the things that I believe in and am I doing them for the best possible motives? Yes. Unambiguously yes.” – Nick Clegg

76. “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” – Benjamin Franklin

77. “Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” – Jim Davis

78. “It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.” – Colin Powell

79. “It is a matter of shame that in the morning the birds should be awake earlier than you.” – Abu Bakr

80. “I love the smell of juice boxes in the morning.” – Robert Duvall

Good Morning Quotes 81. “Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

82. “If you’re changing the world, you’re working on important things. You’re excited to get up in the morning.” – Larry Page

83. “I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning.” – Jonathan Swift

84. “First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, ‘I believe,’ three times.” – Ovid

85. “If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.” – Lou Holtz

86. “I’m a very early riser, and I don’t like to miss that beautiful early morning light.” – David Hockney

87. “I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” – Larry King

88. “The most efficient way to live reasonably is every morning to make a plan of one’s day and every night to examine the results obtained.” – Alexis Carrel

89. “I never really look for anything. What God throws my way comes. I wake up in the morning and whichever way God turns my feet, I go.” – Pearl Bailey

90. “When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’ – Steven Wright

91. “I wake up laughing. Yes, I wake up in the morning and there I am just laughing my head off.” – Bruce Willis

92. “Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure – that of being Salvador Dali.” – Salvador Dali

93. “When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks

94. “If you get up in the morning and think the future is going to be better, it is a bright day. Otherwise, it’s not.” – Elon Musk

95. “I wake up every morning and I surprise myself. I wake up to a new me.” – Gina Carano

96. “What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.” – Sinclair Lewis

Good Morning Quotes

97. “You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.” – Billy Wilder

98. “Every morning, my dad would have me looking in the mirror and repeat: “Today is going to be a great day; I can, and I will.” – Gina Rodriguez

99. “Life is beautiful, what do you think? In the morning I say, ‘Ah, I am alive still!’ All my friends die already. I am alive. It is fantastic. – Alejandro Jodorowsky

100. “You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’ And you do. – Mick Jagger

101. “You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” – George Horace Lorimer

102. “I get up at sunrise. I’m a Buddhist, so I chant in the morning. My wife and I sit and have coffee together, but then it’s list-making time. I have carpentry projects. We have roads we keep in repair. It’s not back-breaking, but it’s certainly aerobic and mildly strenuous.” – Patrick Duffy

103. “In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.” – Carl Sandburg

104. “I like to work in the morning. I like to sometimes go to a place where I’m all alone where I’m not going to get a phone call early that hurts my feelings, because once my feelings are hurt, I’m dead in the water.” – Francis Ford Coppola

105. “Greet every morning with open arms and say thanks every night with a full heart. Each day is a precious gift to be savored and used, not left unopened and hoarded for a future that may never come.” – Regina Brett

106. “When my parents were getting divorced, I just said to myself, ‘Go to sleep, and tomorrow you can go skiing.’ I cried myself to sleep, and in the morning I was up on the mountain, and I was good.” – Lindsey Vonn

107. “I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life.” – Gabourey Sidibe

108. “I write in the morning, I walk in the afternoon and I read in the evening. It’s a very easy, lovely life.” – Margaret Forster

109. “Every night when I go to bed, I hope that I may never wake again, and every morning renews my grief.” – Franz Schubert

110. “People often say to me, ‘I don’t know anything about dance.’ I say, ‘Stop. You got up this morning, and you’re walking. You are an expert.’ – Twyla Tharp

111. “You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you’re excited for the day? That’s one of my main goals in life.” – Kirsten Dunst

112. “My principal motivation is supporting my family, which is not a bad reason for getting up in the morning. That’s always been my motivation – to take care of the people who rely on me.” – Tony Parsons

113. “I like freedom. I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?’ You know, who knows?” – Oscar Nunez

114. “I couldn’t be luckier to wake up every morning and be so excited to get to work, even if it’s five in the morning.” – Carly Chaikin

115. “It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It’s my partner.” – Jonas Salk

116. “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.” – E. B. White

117. “Get up tomorrow early in the morning, and earlier than you did today, and do the best that you can.” – Joan of Arc

118. “My dad used to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning and hit me ground balls and tell me, ‘Don’t be afraid to excel. Don’t be afraid to be great.’ – Russell Wilson

119. “Some people dream of success, while other people get up every morning and make it happen.” – Wayne Huizenga

Good Morning Quotes 120. “My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.” – Cary Grant

121. “I just enjoy life now. I just enjoy every morning I get to wake up.” – Nas

122. “I wake up in the morning and my heart is light, man. It’s not heavy. I don’t have skeletons in the closet on their way out.” – Drake

123. “Every morning I wake up and thank God.” – Aaron Neville

124. “I am so blessed. I’ve been way over-blessed. At 64 years old, I look forward to going to bed every night so I can wake up in the morning and see what blessing is going to come my way that day. Because you never, ever know what God’s got in store for you.” – Paula Deen

100 Best Good Morning Quotes

125. “Every morning when I get up, I ask God what he wants me to do, ask him to lead me to the right people to help them.” – Richard Simmons

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarah (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): Former Vice President Joe Biden’s team is talking a big game about an expanded electoral map with Arizona, Georgia and Texas in play, even though those states haven’t voted for a Democratic presidential nominee in two decades.

So let’s talk about just how feasible this strategy is. How competitive are those three states at this point? And what’s more, how does this strategy complement — or counteract — Democratic efforts to pick up Midwestern battleground states like Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, or perennial swing states like Florida?

First up, Arizona. What do we think? Does Biden have a shot there?

geoffrey.skelley (Geoffrey Skelley, elections analyst): Of the three states we’re looking at, I think it’s pretty clear that Arizona is the most in play — and that Biden may even have the lead there, based on the limited polling we have.

President Trump won Arizona by 3.5 points in 2016 while losing the national popular vote by 2 points. So it stands to reason that if Biden is up 6 points or so nationally, Arizona is a toss-up, and that’s before we consider other things that may have shifted between 2016 and now.

nrakich (Nathaniel Rakich, elections analyst): I agree, although I have been surprised at the degree to which Arizona seems to have moved to the left since 2016.

sarah: What other evidence do we have that Arizona has moved to the left since 2016?

geoffrey.skelley: Well, unlike in Georgia and Texas, Democrats actually won major statewide contests in Arizona in 2018 — including the state’s marquee Senate race — and election turnout was nearly as high as the 2016 presidential contest, meaning that performance may reflect a broader shift toward the Democrats rather than just a side effect of the midterms’ blue wave.

nrakich: G. Elliott Morris of The Economist had an interesting newsletter item recently that showed how much various states have moved left or right since 2016, based on the 2020 polls so far. Arizona had the starkest movement.

And Geoffrey’s right that, if Arizona were still 6 points redder than the nation and Biden led by 6 points nationally, we’d expect polls of Arizona to show a tied race. But Biden has consistently led in Arizona polls so far.

Biden has the edge in Arizona polling so far

Presidential general election polls of Arizona conducted since March 1

Dates Pollster Biden Trump Margin May 18-22 HighGround 47% 45% D+2 May 10-14 Redfield & Wilton 45 41 D+4 May 9-11 OH Predictive Insights 50 43 D+8 April 7-8 OH Predictive Insights 52 43 D+9 March 10-15 Marist 47 46 D+1 March 11-14 Monmouth 46 43 D+3 March 6-11 Latino Decisions 50 42 D+8 March 3-4 OH Predictive Insights 49 43 D+6 March 2-3 Public Policy Polling 48 47 D+1

Source: Polls

On the other hand, I’m still somewhat skeptical of the idea Arizona has moved that much to the left. Some of the higher-quality polls, like from Marist and Monmouth, do have the race closer to a tie, whereas the polls suggesting Arizona has gotten significantly more Democratic (e.g., by showing Biden up by 8 points) are not coming from gold-standard pollsters.

sarah: One other thing about Arizona that makes me think it might be fertile ground for Democrats in 2020 is that Democratic Senate challenger Mark Kelly seems to have the upper hand against Sen. Martha McSally, and if that race ends up close — or flips blue — that bodes well for Democrats in the long run, as it’s more evidence that Arizona might be becoming more of a blue state.

nrakich: Yeah, Kelly has been a monster fundraiser. He’s taken in more than $31 million since the beginning of last year.

Although I don’t think a down-ballot race is likely to drive turnout for the presidential. If anything, Kelly might run ahead of Biden because of his money and great bio.

geoffrey.skelley: That’s fair, but it’s worth remembering that every Senate seat that was up in 2016 went for the party that carried the state at the presidential level, so the fact a Democrat is polling that well in the Senate contest is probably a decent sign for the party’s chances as a whole.

sarah: For sure. It’s less that a down-ballot race would affect the top of the ticket, but more that Arizona really might go blue in 2020.

It sounds like we agree with the Biden campaign’s assessment that Arizona is in play, so does it make sense for them to campaign there?

Or is there an argument to be made that they should keep an eye on it, but maybe not commit fully?

nrakich: I mean … both?

It’s a spectrum.

I definitely think Biden should spend more time and money in Arizona than in Georgia and Texas. But I still think Arizona is unlikely to be the tipping-point state, and Biden should spend even more time and money in must-win states like Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Michigan.

geoffrey.skelley: Oh, they should definitely fully commit. Arizona gives them another possible path to 270 in the Electoral College. Arizona’s worth 11 electoral votes, so it could sub in for, say, Wisconsin (10 electoral votes) if Trump were to narrowly carry the Badger State.

nrakich: Now you have me questioning myself, Geoffrey! *whips out calculator*

Hmmm, Florida and Wisconsin were 3 points to the right of the nation in 2016. Arizona, as discussed, was 6. That’s not a big gap at all; maybe they do converge this year?

geoffrey.skelley: Another thing to keep in mind is that Democrats have been making inroads in the suburbs and dominating urban areas. Maricopa County (Phoenix and its environs) was the most populous county in the country to vote for Trump in 2016, but Trump only won it narrowly by about 3 points, and in 2018, Democratic Sen. Kyrsten Sinema carried it by 4 points. So Democrats may be hoping for a repeat in 2020. Win Maricopa, win Arizona.

sarah: OK, it sounds like focusing on Arizona is smart for the Biden campaign, but maybe we’re a bit more skeptical of Georgia and Texas, the other two states the campaign has included in its “expanded” electoral map?

nrakich: Yeah. Georgia was 7 points to the right of the nation in 2016, and Texas was 11 points to the right. Given long-term trends, they have both probably moved a little to the left, but they have further to go than Arizona.

That said, Biden may well win those states — take a look at the polling there:

Georgia polls are extremely close

Presidential general election polls of Georgia conducted since March 1

Dates Pollster Biden Trump Margin May 16-18 Civiqs 48% 47% D+1 May 11-13 BK Strategies 46 48 R+2 May 4-7 Public Opinion Strategies 47 46 D+1 April 25-27 Cygnal 44 45 R+1 March 31-April 1 Battleground Connect 46 48 R+2

Source: Polls

Can Biden shock Trump in Texas?

Presidential general election polls of Texas conducted since March 1

Dates Pollster Biden Trump Margin May 8-10 Emerson College 48% 52% R+3 April 27-28 Public Policy Polling 47 46 D+1 April 18-27 University of Texas at Tyler 43 43 EVEN April 10-19 YouGov 44 49 R+5

Source: Polls

But if he does, he will probably already have clinched the Electoral College in the Midwest, Arizona or Florida.

geoffrey.skelley: Georgia is interesting. On the one hand, Biden could target the increasingly Democratic suburbs of Atlanta. On the other hand, it’s one of the most inelastic states in the country — meaning voters there are among the most likely to stick with their usual party regardless of which way the rest of the country swings — in part because its white voters remain predominantly Republican and its large black population is heavily Democratic, and there just isn’t a ton of movement there.

Additionally, if Democrats couldn’t carry Georgia in 2018 when the electoral environment was very pro-Democratic, that makes me skeptical they can win it in a presidential year, when partisan conditions could be more balanced. That said, if Biden is winning by 6 or 7 points nationally, that might be enough to put Georgia in his column, as Trump only carried it by 5 points in 2016. But as Nathaniel was saying earlier, that’s not a situation where Georgia is an integral part of Biden winning 270 electoral votes. It’s gravy at that point, though maybe it helps Democrats in the two Senate contests there.

nrakich: Yeah, Georgia is definitely inelastic. But on the other hand, Georgia has inched leftward (relative to the nation as a whole) in the last three presidential elections. And I think there is room for more suburban whites to move toward Democrats, not only in Georgia but also in Texas and Arizona.

sarah: That’s a good point, and I think a real question determining whether Georgia and Texas will be competitive is just how much the trends of 2018 — namely, suburban white voters moving to the Democratic Party — hold true.

This is an extreme hypothetical, but earlier this year, Nathaniel looked at what would happen if a state’s presidential vote was based strictly on how rural or urban the state is, and he found that Georgia would remain in the R column, but both Arizona and Texas would swing blue:

What if the urban-rural divide dictated the 2020 election?

The results of a hypothetical presidential election if a state’s urbanization were the only factor, based on the relationship between FiveThirtyEight’s urbanization index and 2016 presidential election results

State Result State Result Alabama R+16.0 Montana R+30.8 Alaska R+27.3 Nebraska R+8.2 Arizona D+6.1 Nevada D+12.3 Arkansas R+20.5 New Hampshire R+11.9 California D+17.7 New Jersey D+18.3 Colorado D+4.2 New Mexico R+12.2 Connecticut D+7.6 New York D+22.5 Delaware D+2.3 North Carolina R+6.6 Florida D+8.3 North Dakota R+23.2 Georgia R+3.6 Ohio D+0.6 Hawaii D+3.3 Oklahoma R+11.6 Idaho R+16.1 Oregon R+1.5 Illinois D+10.3 Pennsylvania D+4.1 Indiana R+5.5 Rhode Island D+11.6 Iowa R+16.1 South Carolina R+9.4 Kansas R+9.3 South Dakota R+27.4 Kentucky R+13.6 Tennessee R+8.3 Louisiana R+8.6 Texas D+4.5 Maine R+23.4 Utah D+1.7 Maryland D+11.5 Vermont R+25.9 Massachusetts D+13.2 Virginia D+1.0 Michigan R+0.3 Washington D+3.8 Minnesota R+4.9 West Virginia R+22.4 Mississippi R+25.1 Wisconsin R+8.3 Missouri R+8.2 Wyoming R+33.6

Source: American Community Survey

What do we make of this? Might Texas actually turn blue before Georgia?

nrakich: We have a tendency to think about elections through the lens of the decisive voters in the previous election, which for 2018 was suburbanites. But as I showed in that urbanization article, Georgia does have a lot of rural voters too, and there is still room for them to move even more toward Trump. So, actually, maybe those two trends will cancel each other out.

geoffrey.skelley: OK, but Georgia was still notably closer to going for Clinton than Texas — Trump won Georgia by 5 points and Texas by 9 points, which is a fairly sizable difference. And while Georgia may be more inelastic than Texas, Texas is not that elastic. Our 2018 elasticity score for Texas was 1.03 — not that far above the baseline of 1 — while Georgia’s was 0.90.

Texas is changing, but Barack Obama lost it by 12 points in 2008, which was a really good environment overall for Democrats.

nrakich: Yeah, there’s just too far for it to go.

geoffrey.skelley: As is often the case with questions about when Texas could go blue, it depends on how fast the political environment changes, but it still probably won’t happen until sometime after 2020, given what we know currently.

sarah: People seem to agree that the Biden campaign shouldn’t invest too much in Georgia and Texas if it comes at the expense of other battleground states in the Midwest or Florida. Is that fair?

nrakich: I think there’s a case for keeping your options open in Georgia. But the Biden campaign would be foolish to invest significantly in Texas. If Texas votes Democratic, Biden will already have won virtually every other swing state and, therefore, the election. It’s simply not a part of his path to 270 electoral votes — more like a part of his path to 400.

Also, Texas is an extremely expensive state in which to campaign, so it just wouldn’t be an efficient use of his money.

geoffrey.skelley: If Trump really is doing a lot worse among older voters than in 2016, it would be foolish for Biden to abandon Florida, which has one of the oldest populations in the country.

I could see reasons for Democrats to worry about Florida being a mirage after they failed to win the gubernatorial and Senate races there in 2018, but it’s just been too close in recent presidential elections to actually give up on it. Trump only won it by 1 point in 2016!

nrakich: Oh, I have strong feelings about Florida.

sarah:

nrakich: Florida is definitely still a swing state; it’s not as inelastic as the 2018 results implied. The Democratic nominees for governor and senator, Andrew Gillum and Bill Nelson, still outperformed Hillary Clinton in most counties; they just underperformed Clinton in a few key areas, especially Miami-Dade County. (This article by Florida Democratic consultant Matthew Isbell does a great job showing that.)

The reason for this is probably that their Republican opponents, Ron DeSantis and Rick Scott, did a lot better among Hispanic voters than Trump did. According to exit polls, Trump got 35 percent of the Latino vote in Florida in 2016, while DeSantis got 44 percent and Scott got 45 percent. In 2020, I don’t think Trump will be able to match DeSantis’s and Scott’s numbers.

So if Biden can pair Clinton’s performance among Hispanic Floridians with Nelson’s and Gillum’s among other voters, he can absolutely win Florida.

geoffrey.skelley: We’ve talked a lot about how Biden might be able to expand his electoral map, but he can’t afford to give up on Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. In 2016, they were collectively decided by 78,000 votes, and who wins them in 2020 will likely be consequential as well.

The bigger questions in the Midwest and Rust Belt are probably whether to invest in Iowa and Ohio, which Trump carried by about 9 and 8 points, respectively. Those two states might be harder for Democrats to win back considering how they swung hard toward the GOP in 2016 after backing Obama in 2012.

That said, Iowa does have some history of being pretty swingy. It’s also cheaper to advertise in Iowa than Ohio, and if we’re talking down-ballot races, there is more at stake there, too. Potentially four competitive House races and a Senate seat in Iowa, whereas Ohio has no Senate race and is likely to have only one or two close House races.

nrakich: Yeah, if Biden wants to be an effective president, he’ll need a Democratic Senate. IMO, that means he should give extra credit to Georgia and Iowa when deciding where to allocate his resources.

sarah: The balancing act that the Biden campaign will inevitably have to engage in isn’t entirely clear to me yet. How much will they actually invest in states like Arizona, Georgia and Texas versus doubling down on states like Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin?

Much of this will inevitably boil down to what the tipping-point state is in 2020, but one thing that’s hard to figure out is how much of the map already realigned in 2016. Put another way, does Biden have his eyes on states like Arizona because winning states like Wisconsin back will be difficult?

nrakich: But I think that’s the needle we need to thread: Arizona might be moving in one direction and Wisconsin in the other, but even in the “realigned” (really more “recalibrated”) 2016 map, Arizona was redder than Wisconsin.

geoffrey.skelley: It’s curious because some of this comes down to the national environment. Maybe Wisconsin is a point or two redder than it was in 2016, but if Biden wins by 4 or 5 points nationally, maybe that’s enough to carry it even if Wisconsin is continuing to move toward the GOP.

But how exactly that plays out in each state is hard to say.

[jennamustafa267]

Creative Non-Fiction 1st Draft

Jenna Mustafa 

English 267

Professor Reiter

Creative Nonfiction 

February 10, 2020

                      Secrets Of The CobbleStone Streets 

   In the summer of July 2016, I took a rather interesting trip to Italy with my grandma (Tata), my Uncle, my Aunt, two baby cousins and my uncles’ mother in law. We traveled to three different places. First Venice, then Florence, then Rome. Out of three Florence was my favorite. The days would get pretty hectic trying to balance out two grandmas and two children. Regardless it was still a trip that I cherish deeply. 

   One night, in particular, my aunt and uncle went out to dinner and left the kids with me and their grandmas. However, my grandma and I did NOT feel like being confined to the hotel to stay and babysit. We were in freaking Florence for crying out loud! As evil as it may sound, my grandma and I conceived a plan to pretend that I- was the one that wanted to go out but my “Grandma didn’t want me to go alone.” So, we made sure Carla (My aunts’ mom) was all set with the kids and we left to venture out. We did not tell my uncle that we were leaving simply because he would have told us “No.” Yes, I know what you're thinking “How can a son tell his mother she can't do something?” Well, he would have just been worried about us being alone in a foreign atmosphere alone at night. Which makes sense...we did it anyways. 

   Our hotel was right next to the long, calm, glistening Arno river. The night was that perfect cool after a hot summer day, you're not really sweating but there is no breeze. The streets were anything but quiet. Every corner had a musician, every restaurant had a couple, and every street flourished with tourists. My grandma and I are two of them. Stopping at every storefront to admire the merchandise inside like the jewelry made out of Murano glass, vintage clocks or your classic “I LOVE ITALY” sweatshirts. There was a violinist playing his own rendition of an American classic “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond. We stopped to watch some street performers dancing to an unfamiliar Italian hip hop song. We stopped to watch them for a minute and gave them a few Euros to respect their grind and display our appreciation.  

   To be completely honest, there was very little conversation exchanged between me and my grandma. We were just taking everything in while we could. We walked at a slow pace, arm in arm. It wasn’t until I asked her to tell me stories, that we could not stop talking. She shared with my things my mother used to do when she was my age, like how she would impersonate Steve Urcle or play as The Little Mermaid in the pool. We shared laughs over the memories we had when she used to visit me when I was younger and I acted like a complete brat. She told me how one time she wanted to sleep in my bed but I put up the biggest fit and refused to give up my bed for anyone. My grandma also explained some Islamic teachings to me and made certain situations easier to understand. Such as stories about Prophets and their wives. The feel of the cobblestone streets made it fun to walk slower. Something about the round feeling on your feet is so satisfying. 

   We walked past this gelato place, the gelato in Italy was the richest, sweetest, creamiest and dreamiest gelato in the world. But for some reason I did not want it nor did my grandma. Instead, I treated us both to a cup of fresh, juicy watermelon. Nothing like the fruit back home in America. Everything in Italy seemed better. The food is more organic and flavorful. The people are calmer than New York. No one was rushing or shoving you. They all just mind their own business and go about their day. 

   That night I realized how truly strong-spirited, faithful and exceptional my grandmother is. She is my ultimate role model and how badly I hope to grow to be just like her. Tata’s knees started hurting her (which was typical due to her age) so we snapped some pictures and took a rest sitting on a bridge above the Arno river. There were a few people also sitting on the bridge. This one lady next to us noticed our hijabs (Headscarf) and asked us where we were from. When we told her Palestine, she excitedly told us she was from there too. Her name was Salam and she was with her husband, they both are from a town right next to ours in Palestine called Beit Hanina, and lived in Brooklyn. It was the strangest thing. All four of us agreed that the world was extremely small. The fact that we never ran into each other in New York, yet we so happened to be sitting on a bridge at the same time in Italy. We let them go on their way, being that they were on their honeymoon and wanted to enjoy each other's company. 

   There was a small moment of silence as I pondered about how strange things (like meeting that couple) happen and how it was all meant to be. And it drew me back to how this moment of being alone with my grandma in Europe was meant to be and how it will most likely never happen again. This is an opportunity to just have a deep conversation with her and speak to her about anything I wanted to know, 

   “Tata, how were you able to handle the grief of momma?” I asked her with apprehension not wanting to make her upset. My mother passed away in August 2015; it would only be a year. We were on our way back home from Palestine and she had a stroke on the plane. She was only 43 years old, and it was completely unexpected. Everytime someone would try to talk to me, I would never listen. My grandma was the one my mother always went to, so I felt it fitting to ask her, even if I was weary that it would make her upset. But to my surprise she answered,  

   “When you have a strong trust in Allah (God)  plans, you will understand that this was always meant to happen. He will not give us anything that we can not endure. You must have patience and trust to be able to get through anything. Thank Allah for everything.”  I looked at her completely in awe. There were no tears building up in her eyes or even a crack in her voice. And this was a woman who was talking about her own daughters’ death. It is her faith that is helping her push through this. I, however, could not respond. I knew if I spoke it would just drown in tears. The lump in my throat was too large to let anything out. 

   She continued, “You know, she was too good for this world. We did not deserve her. She’s right where she belongs now. And one day we will all be reunited.” she continued. When she said “We will be reunited” it really made me think that I need to remain the proper Muslim girl that my mother would want me to be. 

  I just admired her as she spoke and gave her a big hug. She was right. Completely and truly right. It put everything in perspective for me. It made the anger I had built up after losing my mother disappear. It made the world make sense again. My grandma had an answer for everything. No wonder my mom was as perfect as she was. She had a great mother to look up too. And how lucky am I to have these two women in my life. 

   “This means so much to me,” I expressed to Tata, “You are so strong and so brave to be able to handle all of this and I love you.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek, “I love you too” she said. 

   When I first lost my mother I didn’t quite understand why it happened or how I would ever be able to get over. The entire trip me and my uncle (My moms’ brother)  were talking about how much she would have loved Italy. Everything from the chic boutiques to the savory pasta. Nonetheless, we were together enjoying it for her and to honor her. My mother was the perfect daughter and sister. The majority of my upbringing, I was surrounded by my father’s family. My maternal aunts and uncles all lived in different states and my grandparents lived in Jordan. The only times we got together were only for short periods of time during family weddings.  It was refreshing to be able to spend some time with them as they continued to tell me stories and little things about my mom as we toured the city. 

   We watched the amber color river flow. At that moment I knew this was going to be a night I’d never forget. Tata started to tell me about how she grew up. Living in Palestine at the start of the war was a very disquieting time for her. She explained to me how she practically had to escape from her home and keep moving from village to village in Palestine until she reached a place where the Isreali army would not be able to harm her and her family anymore. She even explained to me that she lost her newborn baby sister on the way.  Yet another thing that is so admirable about her. Before we knew it the streets slowly became more quiet and less busy. After we both yawned, we hugged again and made our way back to the hotel, right before my uncle came back.  

   Overall we should all learn to appreciate our family while they are around. I understood my whole family was hurting after the passing of my mother, but I was so worried about everyone else I forgot to try and deal with the grief myself. People would just talk to me and it would go in one ear and out the other. I was too busy thinking about if my brothers and my father are okay. I’m so beyond grateful to have had this walk with my grandma and for her to have been able to explain to me her grief. But it had to take us venturing off on our own to fully connect and help me grieve better. 

[tacticsroom]

Phina: Roving Dancer (Unit Review)

Available at 5★

Lvl 40 Stats (Flaw/Neutral/Asset)

HP: 37/40/43 Atk: 32/35/38 Spd: 34/37/40 Def: 23/26/30 Res: 20/23/27

Neutral BST: 161

Max Dragonflowers: 5

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ▼ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Skills

Weapon: Rapier (300 SP)

Mt: 16. Rng: 1. Effective against armored and cavalry foes. Grants Spd+3. If unit’s HP ≤ 75% and foe initiates combat, unit can counterattack before foe's first attack.

Sword. Cannot be inherited. Cannot be refined.

Assist: Dance (150 SP)

Grants another action to target ally. (Cannot target an ally with Sing or Dance.)

Cannot be inherited.

Special: None

A: Spd/Def Form 3 (240 SP)

Grants Spd/Def+X to unit during combat. (X = 2 × number of allies within 2 spaces, + 1; max 7.)

Can be inherited.

B: Geyser Dance 2 (240 SP)

If Sing or Dance is used, grants Def/Res+4 to target.

Cannot use: Staff.

C: None

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Analysis

Despite several pre-existing infantry sword dancers being available, Phina easily beats out the competition not only as a dancer but a sword infantry unit in general with her strong offenses and incredibly powerful unique weapon, Rapier.

As a Gen 4 unit, Phina has a very high BST. Similar to the A Splendid Soiree units, even with a BST penalty as a dancer, Phina performs better than even most sword infantry units and functions nearly identically to those like Athena or Soleil - and that isn’t even taking Rapier into account. The fact that Rapier provides Phina with both two-type effective damage, Vantage, more Mt than either Armorsmasher+ or Zanbato+, and some extra Spd to boot all within a single skill is an absurd amount of value for little cost. Most notably, effective damage and Vantage pair incredibly well together, allowing Phina to OHKO enemies in the enemy phase without taking hits first.

With all this into consideration, being able to refresh units can end up being simply icing on the cake for Phina; if desired, she could be treated just like a normal infantry sword rather than as a support, potentially even unequipping Dance outright so that Phina herself can be refreshed. Although Rapier is arguably the best weapon available to Phina, it should be noted any inheritable builds used on units like Soleil, Hana, Athena, and the like can be used just as successfully on Phina.

Phina prefers boons/assets in Atk and Spd. Her preferred banes/flaws are HP and Res.

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Similar Units

Soleil: Adorable Adorer (37/38/35/28/24)

Phina: Roving Dancer (+3/-3/+2/-2/-1)

Athena: Borderland Sword (36/31/38/27/24)

Phina: Roving Dancer (+4/+4/-1/-1/-1)

Ryoma: Peerless Samurai (41/34/35/27/21)

Phina: Roving Dancer (-1/+1/+2/-1/+2)

Karla: Sword Vassal (42/35/40/23/22)

Phina: Roving Dancer (-2/+0/-3/+3/+1)

Hana: Focused Samurai (37/35/36/23/26)

Phina: Roving Dancer (+3/+0/+1/+3/-3)

Celica: Imprisoned Soul (40/35/35/27/26)

  Phina: Roving Dancer (+0/+0/+2/-1/-3)

Ayra: Astra’s Wielder (41/33/37/31/21)

Phina: Roving Dancer (-1/+2/+0/-5/+2)

Navarre: Scarlet Sword (42/31/37/23/24)

Phina: Roving Dancer (-2/+4/+0/+3/-1)

Olivia: Blushing Beauty (36/28/33/27/26)

Phina: Roving Dancer (+4/+7/+4/-1/-3)

Lene: Yearning Dancer (35/28/35/23/28)

Phina: Roving Dancer (+5/+7/+2/+3/-5)

Silvia: Traveling Dancer (40/27/36/17/30)

Phina: Roving Dancer (+0/+8/+1/+9/-7)

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Builds

Budget/Low Investment:

Although Phina has great potential for combat, her status as a dancer means she doesn’t need to built to fight to be useful. Adding Blaze/Gale Dance to her default Geyser Dance allows her to buff three of an ally’s stats by +4 after refreshing them. Wings of Mercy is arguably the best support skill for a dancer as it allows them to refresh an adequately injured ally from anywhere on the map. Warping with Wings of Mercy also immediately puts her in position to use a Bond skill as well as her default Spd/Def Form, the latter especially if her allies are grouped together.

Glimmer is easily one of the best Special options for Phina due to Rapier’s dual effectiveness; Phina will often be dealing large chunks of damage with Rapier, so Glimmer makes better use of that fact compared to, for instance, Moonbow.

Distant Counter:

Having Vantage built into a high-damage weapon is an enemy phase unit’s dream, so it’s no surprise that building Phina to be a Distant Counter/Vantage machine is extremely deadly and a huge threat to certain teams as she can OHKO a wide range of units with Vantage priority attacks.

The first build pairs Special Spiral with Glimmer. Once Glimmer has been charged once and Phina is within Vantage’s HP threshold (and thus Brazen’s as well), Phina will always immediately counterattack with Brazen-buffed Glimmer procs, something that many armored and cavalry will struggle to initiate into, not to mention any frail glass cannons. Def Smoke improves her ability to take out large groups of enemies in the same turn. Null C-Disrupt can be used in place of Special Spiral to deny enemies from safe initiations through the use of Sweep effects or Dazzling Staff.

The second build uses Wrath and Time’s Pulse to maximize Glimmer’s uptime while also increasing its damage. While damaged, these two skills will ensure that Glimmer is fully charged at the start of each player phase. Unlike with Special Spiral though, Phina can’t spam Glimmer continuously in one turn with Wrath and Time’s Pulse and leans more towards a mixed/player phase playstyle - it’s a trade-off of consistency for more burst.

 Aggressive:

As aforementioned, Phina can be used as a player phase oriented duelist just like other sword infantry units with high offenses. Note that the skills shown can mostly be mixed and matched, as well as other powerful offensive skills or weapons, to varying degrees of success - no individual build here fills a particularly different role from the others but are rather different styles to meet the same end.

The first build uses Fury to round out Phina’s offensive and defensive stats as well as provide her an easy shortcut to reach both Vantage and Brazen’s HP thresholds. By decreasing her opponents’ Atk and Def, Lull Atk/Def simultaneously increases both Phina’s damage output and bulk. Neutralizing enemy buffs in those stats also limits opponents’ ability to stack those stats up, especially with Bonus Doubler effects. Under ideal conditions, this build allows Phina to attack with an effective 68 Atk unbuffed with dual effectiveness as well as Vantage priority in the enemy phase.

The second build is focused on cutting down enemies with Desperation in the player phase. Atk/Spd Push 4 and Brazen Atk/Spd can grant +14 Atk and Spd for 65 Atk and 57 Spd total which should be plenty to tear straight through most enemies, especially if Phina can proc Luna in the process.

The third build uses Galeforce and Flashing Blade to provide Phina multiple actions per turn. Since Galeforce can only activate in the player phase, Time’s Pulse essentially puts it at a cooldown of 4, meaning that as long as Phina doubles with Flashing Blade, she can activate Galeforce without having to tank a counterattack.

Physical Duelist:

Although not as orthodox, Phina can also be used to duel physical units (namely armors and cavalry) with her Def superboon. Steady Stance 4 not only provides her with a significant Def boost in the enemy phase but also a Guard effect. This notably protects her from accidentally attacking with Vantage priority only to charge her opponent’s Special and in turn be burst down with said Special. Null Follow-Up disables powerful skills that are particularly common on armored units like Bold/Vengeful/Wary Fighter that either guarantee enemy follow-ups or prevent Phina’s.

[noonetosmilefor]

lets get personal.

thank you for asking me these,@uneven-odds. <3

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? - currently: stronger than ever, redemption, crazy to love you, an evening i will not forget, lose you to love me and outgrown.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Mark Hamill.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. - “He stood up, got to the other side of the street, kneeled and looked down at his feet.”

4: What do you think about most? - my future.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? - “For sure.”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? - most of the time with clothes but sometimes without.

7: What’s your strangest talent? - i don’t think that I have any strange talent.

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) - Girls, are lovely. Boys, are as lovely as girls are.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? - yeah, a poem.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? - uff, I guess it’s been a bit.. maybe 2017 at Nova Rock.

11: Do you have any strange phobias? - no.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? - yeah.

13: What’s your religion? - atheist.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? - going for a walk.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - behind.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? - All Time Low!

17: What was the last lie you told? - “I did it.”

18: Do you believe in karma? - yes.

19: What does your URL mean? - it’s a line from a song.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? - my greatest weakness are people who are close to me, cause sometimes i’d do everything for them even if it doesn’t make me happy. my greatest strength is that i’m a good listener.

21: Who is your celebrity crush? - T O M   H O L L A N D !

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? - yes.

23: How do you vent your anger? - honestly? screaming and crying.

24: Do you have a collection of anything? - yeah, Loki  & Kylo Ren Funko Pop figures haha.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - video chatting online.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? - sometimes. it’s 50/50.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? - Dermot Kennedy’s voice.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? - what if, i could’ve done it?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - yes and also yes.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. - right arm: my laptop, left arm: my knee.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? - candles.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? - Frankfurt.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? - west coast.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? - Alex Gaskarth.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? - being fully happy with your life and everything around you.

36: Define Art. - art is what other people create and love.

37: Do you believe in luck? - no.

38: What’s the weather like right now? - *insert a starry night from van gogh here*

39: What time is it? - 11 pm.

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? - yes and also yes.

41: What was the last book you read? - Das Geschenk by Sebastian Fitzek.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? - no.

43: Do you have any nicknames? - yes. (a few crazy ones too.)

44: What was the last film you saw? - Das perfekte Geheimnis.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? - well i broke both of my arms 4 times each so haha.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? - no.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? - yes, i’m obsessed with Dermot Kennedy’s music.

48: What’s your sexual orientation? - heterosexual.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? - yes.

50: Do you believe in magic? - yes.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? - sometimes.

52: What is your astrological sign? - cancer.

53: Do you save money or spend it? - spend it haha.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? - chocolate.

55: Love or lust? - lust.

56: In a relationship? - no.

57: How many relationships have you had? - 2.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? - nope.

59: Where were you yesterday? - mostly home.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? - no.

61: Are you wearing socks right now? - no.

62: What’s your favourite animal? - horse.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? - well idk really haha.

64: Where is your best friend? - probably asleep in her bed haha.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. - @uneven-odds, @crispsevans, @speak-fluent-sarcasm, @lifeismymiracle and @vivienvalentino. 

66: What is your heritage? - austrian.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? - watching a YouTube video.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? - 666 haha.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? - yes.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? - idk about that tbh.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? - save the dog and apologize to my boss.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? - yes, the closest people. travel to new zealand. no.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. - trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? - an evening i will not forget.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? - 6963.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? - trust & honesty.

77: How can I win your heart? - by buying me food and books.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? - yeah.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? - living my life the way i want to.

80: What size shoes do you wear? - 39.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? - well, she’s gone haha.

82: What is your favourite word? - sleep.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. - love.

84: What is a saying you say a lot? - it is what it is.

85: What’s the last song you listened to? - moments passed by (oh what a surprise) Dermot Kennedy.

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? - blue.

87: What is your current desktop picture? - my cats loki and harry.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? - i wouldn’t want anyone to explode.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - do you trust me?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? - go right back to sleep.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? - teleportation.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? - easter with my whole family.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - the death of the mom from my half-sister.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? - it’s kind of weird, i just would go have dinner with Dermot and that’s it haha.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? - New Zealand.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? - no.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? - no.

98: Ever been on a plane? - yes.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? - THANK YOU!

[lovemesomerafael]

El Amor Todo Lo Puede         Chapter 43:  The End Of The Rope

Read Chapters 1-40  Chapter 41  Chapter 42

Rafael was seated in his usual chair at Forlini’s, having a drink while he worked on his opening statement for the trial beginning in a couple of days.  He didn’t expect this one to plead out, which is why he’d worked until 11:00 pm in his office, and was still working on it here.  He’d just needed to stretch his legs, maybe get a little change of scenery to keep his mind sharp.  Unfortunately, he had the misfortune to sit down and order a drink before he’d noticed Peter Stone down the bar.  Stone was currently having a rather heated conversation with a guy Rafael hadn’t seen before.  It was distracting, to say the least.  One more reason to detest that guy, Barba thought.  He was going to have to finish his drink and leave.

He heard a scuffle and looked up to see Stone push the guy he was arguing with. It wasn’t much, just a shove in the chest, but it was clearly intended to start something.  Hay, por el amor de Dios.  ¿Seriamente?[1]  Fortunately for Stone – and Rafael – the guy had the sense to hold up his hands and back up. But he didn’t leave.  

Rafael indulged in a major internal eyeroll.  How can she be in love with that sodden imbecile?  I’d have thought she’d have better taste.  He went back to his legal pad and his opening statement.  In a fortuitous moment, he happened to hit a groove and forgot everything for a while as he came up with a brilliant analogy to use.  If he did say so himself.  

CRASH!  The sound ripped Rafael back to the present.  He looked toward the noise and saw Stone looming over the guy he’d been arguing with, who was now prostrate on the floor with a split lip.  ¡Joder!  Ever politically-minded, Rafael knew a brewing tabloid headline when he saw one.  For the sake of the D.A.’s office, and the reputations of everyone who worked there who wasn’t currently plastered and trying to start a fight, he was going to have to stop this before it started.  Barba and Jack, the bartender, reached the combatants at the same time.  

Jack stood in front of Stone, wisely not confronting him directly or trying to grab him, simply interposing his body between Stone and the man on the floor.  Barba extended a hand to the guy and helped him up, also wise in his choice to position himself at the man’s head so that, when he stood, he was a good six feet from Stone.  Barba solicitously helped the man brush off and straighten his clothes, handing him a linen napkin use on his bleeding lip.  

“Hey, buddy, you OK?  Why don’t you take a seat at this table, and I’ll get you some ice and a drink.  OK?”

The man was a little stunned by the whole series of events, and not drunk, as Rafael had naturally assumed.  He was a little tipsy, but apparently he was mostly just stupid.  Not understanding who Rafael was, but acknowledging to himself that Peter Stone could easily take him in a fight and he needed a graceful way out of this, he acquiesced and sat at a table, facing away from Stone.  

Jack had been busy, too.  Stone was sitting, shaking his right hand as though it hurt, and appeared to be willing to behave, if not yet calm.  Unlike the other guy, Stone was extremely drunk.  Blotto.  Rafael wondered how long he’d been here.  He watched Jack go back behind the bar and put some ice in a towel, then come back down the bar to hand it to Peter for his hand.  

“Can I get another one of those, for the other guy?  And a Bud Light?”  Even in the current circumstances, it was hard for Rafael to order such a thing without a shudder.

When Jack went down the bar to get the ice, Rafael followed him.  “I’m going to give you a number.  Call Laura Parker.  Tell her to get here as fast as she can.”

“Don’t need it, Counselor.  I already called her.  She should be here soon.”

“Clearly a master of your craft,” Rafael smiled.

“Thanks for your help.”  Jack handed Rafael the towel filled with ice and the beer.  

“Don’t thank me yet.  I still have some rather delicate work to do.”

Rafael gave the ice and the beer to the man, whose name was Carl Dunfee, sympathetically telling him that he’d be back in just a few minutes.  Dunfee shrugged.  He wasn’t quite sure why the dude was coming back, but whatever. Maybe he owned the bar or something.

Rafael went and stood close enough to Stone to hiss into his ear.  Mierda[2], the guy smelled like he had been aged in a cask for twelve years.  Not a bad idea, Barba thought.  

“You know who I am?”

“Of course I know who you are,” Stone slurred, annoyed.  

“Then you know that you pulled that stunt in front of the wrong witness. So listen to me, and listen well. I’m only going to say this once. I am going to try to keep your ass out of a sling.  You don’t deserve it, and I’m sure as hell not doing it for you.  I may not be able to do it at all.  That moron gets the idea he’s got your balls in a vise and a tort case worth some money, your life as you know it is over.  Understand?”

Stone huffed and drank the last of whatever he had been overindulging in. He didn’t look at Barba, but he had the sense – no, simple survival instinct, Barba thought, this booze-soaked git had no sense, at least at the moment - not to speak.

“So you are going to sit here, and you are going to keep your mouth shut.  You will do nothing.  Nothing, you understand?  And when Laura gets here, you are going to leave without a word.”

“Laura’s coming here?” The look on Stone’s face was deep chagrin coupled with what could only be called fear.  He looked as if Barba had announced he’d called Stone’s mother. Stone was still spoiling for a fight, the way only drunks can be, but Rafael’s threats appeared to have penetrated the alcohol fog, at least for now.

“And if you give her one instant of trouble, if you make one more asinine move tonight, I will instruct her to arrest you and you’ll spend the night in the drunk tank.  Clear?”

Stone again chose not to respond, but looked daggers at the bar in front of him.

One down, one to go.

“Sorry, man.  I know that guy.  He can be a dick.  My name is Rafael.”

“Carl.  Dunfee.”

Rafael purposely hadn’t given his surname and was careful not to use his usual firm, take-control handshake.  He wished he had casual clothes on, but at least he’d hung his jacket and vest up in his car. “What was that about, Carl?”

“Guy’s a blowhard. Thinks he knows baseball.”

“Baseball.”  It took all Rafael’s strength not to express his exasperation.  

“Yeah.  And he hit me, man!  Look at this.”  He showed Rafael the towel, which had a fair amount of blood on it.  His lip, though swollen, looked like it had stopped bleeding.

“C’mon, man.  It’s not that bad.”  

Dunfee was a bit disappointed in Rafael’s reaction to his injury.  “Dude punched me!”  

“Yeah, I saw that. But he’s pretty soused.  Between you and me, I’m surprised he didn’t miss you entirely.  Lucky for you, it was such a feeble attempt.”

“He knocked me down.”

Rafael laughed, as though the guy had taken a pratfall for his amusement.  “Yeah.  Wish I’d have had my camera out.  You shoulda seen your face!”  

Laura arrived at that moment, wearing clingy but faded sweatpants and that tattered old jeanjacket of hers over a plain white T-shirt.  She looked like she’d been in bed when Jack had called and hadn’t bothered to brush her hair before running out the door.  Rafael shook his head to stop the image of Laura in bed from fully forming in his mind.  She walked over to Stone and an agitated, whispered conversation ensued.  She tried to take his arm as though to escort him out, but he pulled his arm away and didn’t move.  

Carl Dunfee was beginning to feel like a little bit of a fool.  Had he looked stupid falling down like that?  He’d had the idea that he’d been brutally punched and violently knocked to the floor, like a Schwarzenegger movie.  But this Rafael seemed to have seen something different.  Maybe it seemed worse than it was.  He’d been thinking maybe he could sue the guy, or the bar, but he didn’t want to look like a pussy.  

“Yeah, guy’s big, but he hits like a girl,” Carl tried.

“I’m not surprised, pretty boy like that,” Rafael smirked.  

“Right?”  Carl was warming up to the idea that nothing much had happened, because that drunk guy in the suit wasn’t so tough.

As they made small talk, Rafael watched Laura plead quietly with Stone, then get angry, then go back to pleading.  Stone was getting louder again.  

Rafael stood up.  This was getting really fucking old.  “Hey, looks like your friend’s giving his girlfriend a little bit of trouble.  I’m going to see if I can help out.  Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, I’m going to get out of here.  See ya’,” Carl said, giving a dismissive head toss in Stone’s direction as though to mock his idea that he could hurt Carl.

Just in time, Rafael thought.  He stepped over to where Laura was standing next to Stone, who still sat on his barstool. He put on his most severe Senior A.D.A. face.  

“Tell me you are not refusing to leave,” he snarled at Stone.

Closer up, he could see that Laura had tears in her eyes.

“What’s it to you?” Stone whined irritably.

“Your entire career. Because unless you walk out of here right now, I’m going to have you arrested for drunk and disorderly, assault and battery, and anything else I can think of while you’re drying out at the Tombs. I seriously dislike having to repeat myself.”

“Fuck you,” Stone muttered, but he got up from his barstool.  

Laura mouthed “Thank you” behind Stone’s back with look of tired, discouraged gratitude.  Rafael acknowledged it with a nod and watched them walk out the door.  He waited to see them get into the cab, or whatever car had brought Laura, but they stood on the sidewalk, Laura looking both ways down the street.  Her back was to him, but he thought he saw her wipe a tear. As she pulled out her phone, Rafael went out the door to stand next to her.  

“What?”

“I told the Uber guy to wait, said I’d pay him in cash for the time.  I should’ve known he wouldn’t when he made me end the trip here.  He said something about getting more money if there and back was two trips.  Fuck!” She was clearly barely holding it together.  

“Stay here.  I’m around the corner.  Give me five minutes.”

The exhausted, defeated look on her face tore at him.  He actually caught himself starting to reach out to her to comfort her.  He cleared his throat and went back in to pay his tab and collect his things.  

When he pulled his car to the curb outside the front entrance of Forlini’s, he could see that things were still tense between Laura and Stone, but he seemed to be fading.  What an asshole.  If he passed out and made Rafael drag his sorry ass into his apartment…

The drive to Stone’s apartment building was quiet except for Laura’s occasional directions to Rafael. Stone was still apparently conscious, but in that pie-eyed state where it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening. Quel asno[3].  

Due to the late hour, and the fact that it was a weekday, Rafael was able to pull up in front of Stone’s building.  When Stone tried to get out, he lost his balance just outside the car, causing Laura to sigh heavily and get out to help him.  Rafael wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to help, too, until he saw how heavily Stone was leaning on Laura, and how much trouble she was having getting him to the door. Stone was huge compared to her. Rafael swore colorfully and got out.

He stepped up to Stone’s side, opposite Laura, and put Stone’s other arm around his neck, so that he and Laura were supporting Stone between them.  Stone was so out of it now that he said nothing all the way up to his apartment door.  Rafael noticed with a painful pang that Laura had the key to Stone’s apartment on her key ring.   For just a moment, he flashed back on the night he had taken his own key back from her. At this moment, she looked about as miserable as she had that night.  

They dragged Stone to his bed, where Laura pulled off his jacket and tie before they let him fall gracelessly onto the mattress.  Laura silently lifted his legs onto the bed, removed his shoes, propped him on his side with some pillows, and covered him.  Then she went to the bathroom, coming out with a glass of water, a bottle of aspirin, and a towel.  Every move was automatic and efficient.  Practiced.

“How many times have you done this?”  Rafael couldn’t stop himself from asking.  He was appalled.  

She didn’t answer. Instead, she opened a door just outside the bedroom, took a bucket from what looked like a linen closet, and set it down next to the bed.  

“OK,” she said, her voice a quiet sigh.  Rafael followed her back out of the dark apartment and they silently returned to his car.  

As they drove, Laura began to wipe tears from her eyes.  At first, she tried to be surreptitious about it, but they were soon falling too fast for her to do anything but pull a tissue from her jacket and wipe them. Glancing over, Rafael could see that she was biting her lip, and appeared to be trying to hold her breath. One quiet sob escaped her.

Rafael stroked her hair, just once, and said, “Go ahead and cry.  There’s no one here to hear you.”

At that, she covered her face with her hands and bent double, huge sobs beginning to wrack her body. Rafael reached over and opened the glove compartment, pulling a small packet of tissues from it and handing them to her.  She continued to cry uncontrollably, long periods of loud, staccato cries mixed with gasps for air and moans of despair.  It wasn’t until they turned into Rafael’s parking garage that she regained enough control to sit back up, groaning loudly, head on the headrest and eyes toward heaven.

“This is so humiliating,” she choked.  “I just… I can’t do anything!  He won’t talk to me, he won’t listen.  And I hate that you saw him like that.  That’s not who he is.”  

Rafael pulled the car into his parking spot and turned off the engine.  He leaned over, put a hand on either shoulder, and pulled her into his arms across the storage box, cupholders, and gearshift that divided the seats.  She rested her head on his shoulder, then buried her face in his chest as she began crying in earnest once again.  He just held her, stroking her back and her hair.  He occasionally brushed a kiss across her hair, wanting nothing more than to crush her to him.  

He had no idea what to think.  How long had it been this bad?  How many times had she been called to take Stone, drunk and belligerent, out of a public place?  He understood, from what she had told him, that she felt like she owed it to him for her own past behavior toward him.  He could also see tiny glimpses, a touch here, a look there, a well-deserved retort that was nonetheless bitten back, that she truly, genuinely cared for Stone.  But, even to Rafael’s jaded and suspicious eyes, it didn’t look like there was anything romantic or sexual between them anymore.  

He let her go as soon as she quieted and began to push away from him.  

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “This isn’t your problem.”

“Let’s get you home,” he replied gently.

When they got out to the street to walk the block to their apartment building, Rafael wondered whether she would let him take her hand.  Probably not.  She had her hands in the pockets of her jeanjacket, anyway.  The late October air had a definite bite to it, this late at night.

“Thank you, Rafael,” Laura said sheepishly as he held the building’s door open for her.  “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“I’m glad I could help,” he said, daring to grasp her shoulder lightly for a brief moment. “You did save my life a while back.”

Her small exhale couldn’t really be counted as a laugh, but he was glad he’d lightened the mood even a fraction.  They entered the elevator when it arrived, and pushed the buttons for their floors. When the doors closed, Laura crossed her arms across her body, hands on her waist, as though trying to give herself a comforting hug.  Rafael couldn’t stand that small, sad, lonely gesture.  He stepped toward her and took her into his arms.  She immediately put her arms around him.  As the elevator slowly climbed, they stood together, just sharing the warmth of closeness.

“I’ll walk you to your door,” he said into her hair as the doors opened at Laura’s floor.  He walked close beside her down her hallway, offering whatever comfort his presence would be to her.  

She opened her door when they reached it, then, standing just inside, turned to him.  Taking his hands in hers, she looked up at him.  “I don’t have words to tell you how much I appreciate… everything you did tonight.  Thank you.”

“That’s what friends are for,” he said, looking down at her with such adoration that her eyes were pulled to his, becoming locked into his gaze.  She wanted to stay there, with him looking at her like that - like he cared for her, like she was precious to him – forever.  She felt her soul filling with something that it had been starving for. He drank in this contact, this connection he’d been aching for, with a thirst that consumed him.  Just looking into her eyes couldn’t fill his heart fast enough.  He took a tiny step toward her, leaning in, so slowly she could hardly believe it was happening until their lips touched softly.

Standing in her doorway, holding hands, they shared a soft, tender kiss that was far too important, too full of meaning and shared emotion, to have much to do with sex.  

When it was right, their lips parted, and they stood close together, foreheads touching.  

“Feliz noche.[4]”  Rafael whispered.

“Dulces sueños.[5]” Laura answered.

He squeezed her hands and turned down the hall, taking the stairs to his own apartment.

Somehow, they both understood that the kiss hadn’t changed anything.  It had simply confirmed that, regardless of the hash they’d made of things, the bond they shared was unbreakable.  It was Rafael’s way of being there for Laura, and Laura’s way of accepting.  Neither of them expected to be able to go to bed with quiet minds and sleep contentedly.  But they did.

[1] Oh, for the love of God.  Seriously?

[2] Shit

[3] What an ass.

[4] Good night.

[5] Sweet dreams.

[empathmionworld-blog]

So I did a project about BPD

Had to write an essay in APA format about Borderline Personality Disorder. Honestly I'm disappointed in the lack of studies and research that I have come across. At least the ones that Google Scholar and the medical journals in my library had to offer me. I dont know whether or not I was looking in the right places, but even when you simply Google "Borderline Personality Disorder" it's a repetition of the same information. The most I have learned about BPD was on tumblr and in my therapists office. Can I cite any of that? No. So I had to use the little bit of resources that were given to me and again It was disappointing.

I had warned my Prof. ahead of time that it was going to be difficult to find resources. At the end of the day I think my project turned out pretty good given my circumstances. It was a 3-5 paged essay( not including title and resources of course. Duh).

These were the topics I needed to discuss and I have narrowed down my findings in case anyone is interested. I'm sure these are things that people with BPD already know (hence the reason why I'm dissatisfied.) I feel like this project was too easy. As if it was a test to see if we were stupid or not. It was really hard to mess this project up because he was asking for the BARE MINIMUM.

Introduction

Name of condition and what it is

Symptoms

Affected population

(For some reason) Symptoms (again)

Diagnosis

Prognosis

Treatment

My conclusion and resources (he didnt ask for tables and graphs)

So I'm going to narrow it down for you I'm reading this off my project and typing it down on my phone and maybe I'll edit this later on my laptop so I can copy and paste my sources. I'm going to narrow it down as best as I can because there is a lot.

Bpd is a cluster B personality disorder which is known to cause a distorted self-image, feelings of emptiness, impulsive behaviors, frequent mood swings, black and white thinking, and the inability to have stable healthy relationships.

Environmental and genetic factors are known to cause the development in those affected with bpd. Most of those with bpd were either raised by someone who has bpd or have had a history of abuse, (sexual, physical, mental, emotional) neglect, or have had traumatic incidents in the past. Some of those diagnosed with PTSD develop BPD as a coping mechanism to cope with the trauma. Women make up 75% of those diagnosed with BPD. Men make up 25%. It is possible that the percentage rate for men is higher because men tend to not seek treatment when they show signs of mental illness. Mainly because society deemed men to be more "practical" than emotional. Psychologists refuse to diagnose adolescents with BPD and it develops in your adolescence and early adulthood. Bpd is commonly misdiagnosed as either PTSD or depression. You need a psych evaluation to be diagnosed and they look for these symptoms: fear of abandonment, unstable or changing relationships, struggle with identity, impulsive or reckless behavior, mood swings, feelings of emptiness/worthlessness, extreme sadness, anger issues, paranoia, inability to stay in touch with reality, self harm and suicidal tendencies. Condition is lifelong but can be managed with extensive therapy and is known to "burn out" by your late 30's. The individual must be committed to treatment and shouldn't be looking for a quick fix. Treatment includes mood stabilizers, antidepressants and other various medications depending on what the individual is doing through such as anxiety meds for those with anxiety as an example. Helpful forms of treatment include DBT, MBT, out patient therapy and self care.

That is about as summarized as I can possibly get. No, I didnt write my project like this. I wouldn't be surprised If I got an 43% on it if I did it like this. I wrote this because I'm bored and its 8 am and I was hoping others would be interested. I wrote in my introduction that I wanted to shed a little light on this topic to those who dont fully understand this disorder. Not for those on tumblr but for the everyday people that tend to not understand us (or those with BPD).

Tomorrow( exclusively for tumblr) I will be debunking the most common misconceptions about BPD based on facts. I will try to research some beneficial things about BPD If there are any.

I'm clearly interested about BPD. If you want me to research something on BPD just let me know. I will do my best with the resources I am offered and I will even talk to my psychologist who will be more than happy to help. I'm new to this whole blogging thing. Thank you for reading.