#but 20+ years of experience has taught me a few things

[xboobayaga]

sometimes the best thing to do when you're lonely is to sit with it for a while. sit with it and ask yourself, really ask yourself "if someone was here, what could they do to help me feel better" and then do whatever that is for yourself.

[toskarin]

how did you get started making music, tools-wise?

I've talked about this a bit before and I don't necessarily recommend doing this, so skip the following two paragraphs and go right to the one under the break if you actually want the method I recommend

I lied to a girl I liked from my school and told her that, because I could play guitar I could also play piano, so I could teach her to play piano. both of these statements were lies.

I had to panic and learn both guitar and piano one week ahead of the lessons I was giving her as an excuse to hang out. so I self-taught in a haze of panic and "maybe she'll like me" (she did not) (but she kind of did) (but she was bicurious) (but she was wishy-washy on if she wanted to get together and her parents didn't like me) (and her parents were homophobic) (I think she might have texted me at one point years down the line to tell me she had a girlfriend but it was after I deleted our text history and I'm chronically unable to remember to put people's names into my contacts so who knows)

but that's all an aside. that's a bad method.

anyway if you want to start making music in earnest, doing what I did when I got serious about making songs instead of trying to impress girls whose parents wanted to destroy me with their minds here's a better answer

go acquire FL Studio. it's apparently really easy to do this because people have been acquiring it for years, or so I've heard. FL is good for learning because you've got 20 years worth of free tutorials available to you on youtube to dig through and plenty of stock vsts to play with out of the box

FL Studio is, realistically, the only tool you actually need to start making music. you could get away with less, but it's what I used, and as long as you don't pick up Specific Bad Habits, your experience with it will transfer to other DAWs if you decide to switch it later

that's all, really

if you go this route, the golden rule I'm going to impart on you right now is that you need to have a limiter on your songs. the default FL studio song templates have one, so you should keep it until you know enough to know why you might adjust something like that

it doesn't matter if it sounds fine in the editor without a limiter. everyone thinks it's not a big deal at the time, but as you get more experienced, there's literally nothing short of getting in legal trouble that you'll regret more than realising that your old work is almost entirely unsalvageable because you didn't put a limiter on it and now half of the audio is just lost data to clipping

I'm gonna put a few more recommendations for things I've used, just so you can consider them if you need something else to chew on. everything past this point is entirely optional and you'll do just fine with FL Studio alone. in fact, probably don't worry about everything below the line

-=-

items marked with [F] are free.

DIGITAL AUDIO WORKSTATIONS THAT AREN'T FL

for tracker-based editing and chiptunes, use Renoise. you'll either love or hate trackers, and while they have a steeper learning curve than piano roll DAWs, they might come more naturally to you. I personally think that Renoise is a lot of fun to use. it kinda has an "addictive" quality to it, as funny as that is to say

for quickly sketching songs, use [F]Jummbox. it's an html workstation (multiplatform!) that writes your sketches to a url, meaning it's pretty easy to collaborate on musical sketches. Jummbox is good for making chiptune style instrumentals, but what makes it especially accessible is the fact that it works on a piano roll system, which will be familiar to you if you're working in FL

for writing sheet music, I recommend starting with [F]Musescore. I'll warn you right now that there aren't really any good notation editors and you're making lesser-of-evils decisions when you pick any of them, but it's probably the best compromise out there right now. it's the one I use when I need to hand something to a physical musician. you can also export pieces as midi, although there's better ways to do that lol

-

VSTs

if you can acquire Pianoteq, do that. if you feel uncomfortable with acquiring it, [F]Keyzone Classic is free and can sound pretty nice with a bit of work, but you really have to learn to work with it

if your workstation can handle it performance-wise, go pick up [F]Vital - Spectral Warping Wavetable Synth. there's tons of free presets for this out there and it sounds good. cool synth. Serum: Advanced Wavetable Synthesizer is also good and has plenty of presets, but it's on the pricy side, so consider how comfortable you are with [finding a friend to buy it for you]

[F]Decent Sampler doesn't do much out of the box, because it's just a tool for playing sample banks, but if you go to [F]Pianobook, you can find tons of weird and fun sample packs of just about everything you can imagine. sounds derived from folk instruments, industrial equipment, lego sets, stylophones, choirs, whatever. incredibly useful.

Valhalla VintageVerb. this is the reverb plugin. you want this one. [F]Valhalla Super Massive is also good but it's more focused on alien-sounding reverb effects and enormous spaces, so it's kind of got a niche use case and you should be a little careful with it

if you've heard a lo-fi hip hop song on youtube, it probably used [F]iZotope Vinyl. this one can save you a lot of time if you're going for that sound because it comes with all the little vinyl flourishes outside of compression (like dust crackling) that you'd otherwise have to add yourself

[F]Genny VST is advertised as giving a genesis/megadrive sound, but what actually makes it shine is that it's an actual synth emulating the YM2612 and SN76489 sound chips. this means you can create your own sounds that work within those specs, which is a lot of fun! definitely beats just using samples, if you ask me

-

HARSH VSTS THAT I PERSONALLY LIKE BUT WHICH ALSO MIGHT !!HURT!! YOU. SO BE VERY CAREFUL USING THESE.

[F]Tritik Krush is a bitcrushing plugin. it does a good job of bitcrushing and downsampling. I use it a lot in my songs, but you've really gotta know how to keep this one under control, because it's fully capable of making painful sounds on accident and can completely devour your mix

[F]FSA Latcher is a gorgeous noisebox. it screams in horrible ways and makes dying machine noises in various colours. this is the musical equivalent of working with radioactive material, so be extremely careful using this in anything you don't want to hurt the listener's ears

girlfriend just told me I have to recommend [F]Noise Engineering Ruina to you if I'm making a category with this heading. I don't personally use it, but she likes it (she's better at music than I am) and it's free, so you should go pick it up. "it annihilates sounds very deliciously" (maybe I should use it)

-

hope that helps a bit!

[tin-wufborf]

Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 18)

Hello again, and welcome back to Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics!

I am so sorry for the delay. Honestly, I've just been flat out fucking exhausted lately (I know, what's new?). This new job has been running me fucking ragged, but I like my job, my hours have increased, and it's almost certainly going to become a permanent position moving forward, so I can't complain too much about it. Still, I'll probably be posting the remaining parts of the series a lot slower than I have been, at least while things are as hectic as they are at work. But you can rest assured that they will be posted.

Just a little warning, it seems that we have hit a second wave of kid fic with this list (I must have perused a few fic rec lists or something, because hot damn, was I reading kid fic at this point in my bookmarks), so sorry about that if it's not your thing. But also you're welcome if it is.

As always, thank you all so much for your continued support of this series. I appreciate each and every one of you, and please know that it brings me such joy to know that you're all enjoying these fics as much as I have.

I'm not gonna ramble on for too much today. I hope you're all having as good a day as you can, if not a great one.

Smoochies and squeezies!

List and links to previous/next part(s) below the cut.

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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20

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ADHDecaf by prdskat (T | 1/1 | 2,765)

Stiles is 25 and runs his own coffee shop. Derek doesn't know this. Derek, a mechanic, thinks that Stiles is 17 and jail-bait.

Misunderstandings ensue.

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Potential concussions and best laid plans by alice9 (NR | 1/1 | 3,322)

“Stiles! Stiles, are you alright?” His father was craning around as if he could see Stiles in the dark. “Dad, I’m alright. She didn’t stab anything important.” “Stab!” Right, he hadn’t seen her stab him. Because he couldn’t turn around.

Or

Stiles and the Sheriff are taken by hunters and it isn't Stiles favorite, like at all.

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A Little Push in the Right Direction by crossroadswrite (G | 1/1 | 3,708)

“Can I see your wolf face?”

Derek flushes all over, ducks his head and kicks the carpet awkwardly. “I, uh, can’t really shift into my beta shift.”

Stiles squints at him and for a split second the color of his eyes turns liquid, like there’s whiskey sloshing around in the irises. It’s subtle enough that it could pass for a trick of the light but Derek knows better; growing up peeking at an array of supernatural creatures from behind his mom’s legs taught him enough to take a step back.

“Maybe you need a push.”

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From the Cradle to the Grave by jezziejay (T | 1/1 | 4,207)

It’s not that the sheriff doesn’t like Derek. It’s just that he thinks Stiles could do better.

 But Stiles has been an adult for over two years now, so he can make his own choices. Even if they are terrible.

 Also, the sheriff doesn’t like Derek.

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Faking It To Making It by gryvon (T | 1/1 | 4,565)

When the Alpha traps Scott and his friends in the high school, Stiles refuses to throw Derek under the bus.

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Children's Tales by artemis69 (G | 1/1 | 4,690)

Be careful, little girl.

Don’t go causing troubles in Beacon Hills, little girl, because the Hales live there.

Keep away from Beacon Hills, little girl, or the Hales will destroy you.

-- Or: In a world where the Hales are alive and the protectors of the town of Beacon Hills, the humans politely fake ignorance of their not-really-human status, and they all live happily ever after.

Then Kate comes in.

Well.

Tries to.

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Leave It All Behind by asarcasticwitch (M | 1/1 | 4,864)

A coil of panic tightens in his chest as, after just three short rings, Derek’s voice—raspy as if barely awake—echoes through the speaker. “Do you know what time it is?” he grumbles, and at any other time, Stiles would’ve made a joke or retorted with something so sarcastic it would’ve undoubtedly earned him a huff in return. But right now, he can’t think of anything to say.

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The Story's Going Somewhere by skoosiepants (T | 1/1 | 5,448)

Inside the station, a honey-eyed waif with a shorn head and a long pale throat is clicking away at a pen and swinging his chair back and forth behind the receptionist desk. Derek plasters on his most charming grin and leans up against it, bracing a hand in front of the guy and sliding his sunglasses down to give him a once-over.

The guy blinks up at him and flushes. His mouth falls open a little and Derek clears his throat around the way he kind of wants to press his thumb to it.

“Hey,” Derek says, still grinning. “I’m here for my sister?”

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Excuse Me, I Believe You Have My Children series by Elpie (Horribibble) (2 works | T | 7,188)

1. A Knight in Shining Flannel (T | 1/1 | 3,650) When a frantic phone call from his daughter sends him speeding across town, Derek Hale is prepared for the worst. What he finds instead are the Stilinskis. - An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and one bad babysitter. 2. Hide and Go Scare the Hell Out of Daddy (T | 1/1 | 3,538) When Toby has a meltdown in the middle of the shoe department, Stiles has no idea what to do to calm him down. Derek provides a little helper. - An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and an ill-timed clothing rack safari.

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The One Where They Adopt a Selkie by mikkimouse (T | 1/1 | 7,737)

"That's a kid," Stiles said.

Derek growled. "It's a selkie."

"It's a selkie kid," Stiles pointed out, because really, they did not need to be arguing semantics right now. "Do selkies just go around leaving their kids sleeping in caves on the beach?"

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The Truth Is by BulletBlaze (T | 1/1 | 8,851)

“Well, you should get going then-” “You could come around some time-” A pause. “Wait, what?” A blush bloomed across Derek's cheeks, barely visible over the top of his beard. He shrugged again. “If you wanted to. You could stop by while I'm fixing it up. Help me with some things. If you wanted to.” “You already said that,” Stiles, the idiot, mumbled in disbelief. Derek's blush grew a shade darker.

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Derek, Did You Steal That Baby? by SylvieW (M | 1/1 | 10,119)

When Derek suddenly shows up with a baby, everyone is suspicious. Except for Stiles. He doesn’t care where the baby came from, he just wants to play with her and explore the new side of Derek she brings out.

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Home With You by SylvieW (T | 5/5 | 11,527)

Stiles is sent to stay with the Hales so he can learn to control his spark and his impulses. Everyone treats him like a guest or a student. Except Derek.

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Wolves and Foxes Don't Get Along by Lissadiane (G | 1/1 | 14,557)

The first werewolf Stiles ever sees is a goofy looking dude with floppy brown hair and a crooked smile, leaning up against a black camaro outside the high school, wearing an oversized leather jacket, surrounded by half a dozen other preternaturally beautiful girls and guys, also in leather. Also probably werewolves.

They look like they stepped right out of Twilight and it’s not subtle.

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omnis cellula e cellula by twnkwlf (E | 3/3 | 15,302)

“You put the diaper on backwards,” Derek says.

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For If Dreams Die by veritas_st (M | 8/8 | 24,169)

“I had a dream about a boy last night,” Mischief says through a mouthful of pancakes. His dad points the spatula at him and he swallows before he says anything else. “His name was Derek. He called me Stiles. I want to be called that from now on.”

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California Never Felt Like Home to Me by CharWright5 (E | 1/1 | 31,343)

With the Kanima attacking, Hunters stalking him, and the looming threat of the Alpha Pack drawing near, Beacon Hills is no longer the home Derek once felt it had been. So when Boyd and Erica tell him that they're leaving, he joins them, along with Isaac, the Pack running into a ghost from his past as they leave California behind.

They eventually settle in a small town in North Carolina, where Derek finds himself falling for a local barista named Stiles, who shows Derek what "home" can truly mean and that it's okay for the Alpha to want something for himself every once in a while.

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Into The Open Air by Acherona, trulywicked (E | 22/22 | 99,482)

It was a little strange moving back to Beacon Hills. His daughter becoming enchanted with his odd and very attractive neighbor didn't really help matters.

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I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek series by DiscontentedWinter (4 works | G-E | 131,247)

1. I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek (M | 15/15 | 51,937) Stiles finds a baby on the porch. It looks exactly like him. Well, this is awkward. 2. My Life is not a Horror Movie, Derek (E | 12/12 | 38,993) Stiles keeps dreaming of people in robes with knives. With chanting. In Latin. And he mentioned the knives, right? That can't be good. 3. Nobody Fucks with our Pack, Derek (E | 14/14 | 36,082) There's no such thing as "unthinkable" in Beacon Hills. But this comes close. And Stiles and Derek are going to do everything they can to keep their pack together. 4. This is our Happy Ending, Derek (G | 3/? | 4,235) A collection of curtain fics for the I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek universe.

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I Was A Teenage Werewolf by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas) (E | 50/50 | 456,244)

Stiles just knows he's going to get lost in the woods. There must be a Laura Palmer reference in there somewhere.

A fork in the road retelling of Teen Wolf where Stiles is the one to get bitten.

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[remythelad]

I am a transman who is disabled. I have a few things going wrong with me but I just want to talk avout my experiences in a more general sense.

I am very lucky. I live in the United States and I have access to really good insurance and can go to the doctor when needed, of course my insurance does not pay for my transition but it goes pay for things related to my disabilities.

Yesterday I went to my doctor because recently my migraines have gotten much worse I’ve struggled at work and to do my hobbies because of it, driving has been hell when I am having a migraine I’ve had a migrain for the past week which is longer than usual for me. So I was lucky to be able to see my GP about that. I have been diagnosed with migraines for 4 years now. The appointment went well until I mentioned that I was trans. The doctor then suggested it was testosterone that made my migraines worse. There has never been any sort of evidence to show this, at least not that I could find. It was more of my doctor trying to dissuade me from continuing my transition.

This is a very important intersection of trans identities and misogyny in general. Migraines have been hardly studied because of misogyny in the medical field. I have suffered from them for four years just taking pain meds to try and get over it because doctors have done nothing.

My mother actually suffered from migraines for 20 years… then she got a brain tumor removed and she never had a migrain again.

Its pretty well known how under researched migraines and when talking to my GP after I told her that I was on testosterone she suggested that was what was worsening my migraines. Which has not been proven by any study. Trans people need to be researched and understood especially when that comes to disability.

Doctors then need to be taught how to treat their transgender patients. Trans people like myself should not be afraid and anxious about their next doctors appointment like so many of us are.

[iwillnotdieamonster]

"This is a beautiful letter from Fiona Apple explaining to her fans why she must postpone a concert date. I am impressed at the way she was instantly able to make the decision to choose love over her career. Indeed, the world needs more of this.

It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I'm writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog, Janet, and she's been ill for about 2 years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now. I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then — an adult, officially — and she was my kid.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight, or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact. We've lived in numerous houses, and joined a few makeshift families, but it's always really been just the two of us.

She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me, all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks, every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it more dangerous for her to travel, since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all this, she's effortlessly joyful & playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago. She is my best friend, and my mother, and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now. When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know she is coming close to the time where she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes just to decide what socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us. I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love & friendship.

I am the woman who stays home, baking Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend. And helps her be comfortable & comforted & safe & important.

Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life that keeps us feeling terrified & alone. I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time. I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest, to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and I am revelling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel. And I'm asking for your blessing.

I'll be seeing you.

Love,

Fiona"

Credit goes to the respective owners.

[bigforeheadbaddie]

Fiona Apple when she has to opt out of performing for personal reasons:

“It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet.

I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog Janet, and she's been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then ,an adult officially – and she was my child.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.

We've lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it's always really been the two of us.

She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all of this, she's effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.

She's my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now.

When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand.

If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us.

I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.

I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.

And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.

Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.

I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.

I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.

And I am asking for your blessing.I'll be seeing you.

Love, Fiona”

———————————————————————

Chappell Roan when she gets flamed on the internet for claiming to have done her research and then promptly mispronounces the current Vice President’s (very simple) name:

[s-che]

From the Game Designer Tarot, I'd like to draw JUDGEMENT. Tell me about something you designed that taught you something important, please?

From yesterday's Game Designer Tarot ask game

Judgement — Talk about a game you’ve made that taught you a lot.

In 2022, when I was, like, a year out of college and already pretty burned out by teaching, I wrote the extremely quick and angry first draft of Queen of the Moon, a game which yanked the lindworm oracle from Jay Dragon's Sleepaway, slapped a couple of playbooks in for different the types of children, and said there you go. There's a game. Kids and a thing that hurts them. That's all there is in the world. I was angry with the educational system, I was pessimistic about the craft of teaching, and I wrote a game that was miserable as a result. It was extremely important to me to write it the way I did — to make a point — but it wasn't until last year when I finally started revising it that I realized how little fun there was in playing the thing.

All this to say, I think a lot of people write bit-based games. Polemical games. Games that only exist to make one point. And I think it can be really therapeutic to write that way, or just to write for a joke (God knows Queen of the Moon isn't the only time I've done it — Ritual & Experience, another early game I'd love to come back to and make into something more interesting, basically works the same way). But I do think it's worth considering the limitations of writing one-note games.

I had a really good conversation while helping @jdragsky move apartments a few months back (great setting for design yapping, tbh) about how super duper rules light, one-mechanic games can be extremely restorative to play after dealing with a bloated, clunky, D&D-esque system — but that there's something to be said for the fact that D&D & co. have all those goddamn mechanics in them. There are, whether we like them or not, multiple things to do in dungeons & dragons, and playing a game with that much shit to do in it can be fun! I don't want one universal dice roll -- I want lots and lots of little bespoke systems overlapping nibbling at each other! I like it when there is a lot of games in my games! One good mechanic is still just one mechanic — it might be better than any one of D&D's twenty mid mechanics, but D&D still has 20 of them.

Anyway, I bring up Jay's writing specifically because that's a hallmark of what PCG does — Yazeba's Bed & Breakfast most obviously, but Sleepaway too. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could joyfully make Queen of the Moon less one-note. It's still pretty pared down compared to Sleepaway (although some of that is on purpose), but it's a lot bigger than it was when I started. And that isn't because of bloat: it's because it's good to write more good game.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 10]

These sweets are so appetizing...

Due to the way this stall looks, I am assuming that these are types of candy that ouginaks and ecaflips love, and not literal animal food. Tragic.

Things Joris wants forgiveness for: leaving a bestie with cops (after she asked him to leave), disobeying his father after he folded on their plans for 99th time, telling his father that he's CRINGE and FAIL using his real cringe fail moments, and running away while having a mental breakdown.

Danmn he's so evil and bad for this fr fr......

Anyway, I think Joris's love language is gift giving and acts of service, and Kerubim's is words of affirmation and gift giving.

(This is wild ass headcanon territory because Atcham is a rarer character, but: Atcham's are acts of service and quality time. Source? It came to me in a vision.)

The street signs in this movie are killing me.

The Dofus Pets 2 ad says Dofus Pets 2.

Cute ad! It looks familiar though...

There ain't no way that these two pieces of art don't use some of the same reused assets...., I refuse to believe in that reality.

Joris is dissociating and Khan is trying to get his dick wet. Their friendship is so special.

By the way, the fact that they cut the "Khan makes/lets Joris do underage drinking, with many horny Khan-loving women present" scene still haunts me. Why? Why must have they forsaken me this way...

I still believe Khan bought Joris alcohol on regular until the guy was finally 18. I want to live in a world where Khan helped suicidally depressed 14yo Joris have a "coffee with cognac in the morning, chicken with cognac in the evening" lifestyle, and it's like one of the reasons Joris is still alive or something.

My other thought on the topic is that Atcham (imagine him being physically 4yo in this scenario), taught Joris how to smoke cigars. And then he had the shit beaten out of him by Kerubim (also 4 years old).

This is like his 60th divorce.

And he's never even been married.

Man.

The reaction to the door opening is IMMEDIATE.

THE PLATONIC DIVORCE #61 HAS BEEN CALLED OFF. But genuinely, it's so cute seeing how happy he is...

Joris thinking these things about him is his worst nightmare. AND the little guy is in danger. So, chances are, for a few hours he spent time thinking about how bad of a father he is, and how it's his fault that Joris is god-knows-where and in danger and also HATES him and will NEVER forgive him.

AND the disciplinary action he takes is just so chill and cute... (cough-cough, my own thoughts on whether Joris was based for this aren't relevant, because 1. he ran off god knows where and children shouldn't do that, and 2. even though his grievances are valid, he did bring them up as hurtfully as possibly, with some really fucked and irrelevant things too, just to make Keke feel pain at that moment. Which is not something one should get in the habit of.)

Your agonized twitching and worried faces have both bewitched me heart and soul.

He's literally still infant/toddler sized... So small, compared to Lilotte...

Sometimes, we say horrible things, when we're angry. They love each other so much... They're both willing to look past all the imperfections.... (throws up on the carpet like a cat)

No commentary, I just like seeing him afraid.

She and Kerubim have beef, as has been mentioned in many past posts.

Bakara does her fighting with the same icy, emotionless expression, that she had during her conversation with Kerubim at the bar. This is her "I am going to kill everyone in this building" resting face for when Julith is mentioned.

Kerubim is SHOCKED by how fast she leaped into combat. Also, I want to think, disappointed. This is too dangerous of an enemy to spring into action like that, simply out of rage, while having literally no combat experience...

Because like, Kerubim and Julith are veterans of a war/multuiple wars.

While Bakara is a 20~yo, freshly graduated, alcoholic nepo-baby.

Let it be known I don't like Julith. She is a fun character to watch, but... I feel like the fandom treats her as someone who's done no wrong, despite all the evidence we are given to believe that she is a horrible person.

She was framed, and she did love Jahash, but that doesn't take away from anything else. She beat the shit out of Bakara here, even though she could have restrained her much more gently, — she dug into Bakara's insecurities and called her a poor little fool too.

I really doubt Jahash would have liked that. (Same for her plans of killing a thousand people though, so, I really doubt she gives a shit about his wishes at this point.)

She does THIS SHIT. Jesus christ! Maybe, just maybe, she would know of your feelings, because she loves him just as much? Maybe that's why she wants to kill you as much as you want to kill everyone in Bonta? Have you thought about that, you hot topic customer-looking edgelord?

Besides her hypocrisy, she was known for her ruthlessness, even before the war. There's a reason they still call her a butcher. Which is why I kinda dislike how often this stuff is swept under the rug by fans making cute content.

...I do support women's rights, but I also support women's wrongs, and Julith has a lot of those. She's tragic, but also evil.

Unlike someone like Nox, she makes no effort to empathize or connect with people who oppose her, and knows no mercy. At the very least, Nox had a twisted sense of morals, and could whip out an epic "you're just like me fr...." during a battle.

[titikawai]

They need to address Bo’s trauma

Alright so this is going to be a super long essay about Bo’s trauma as I have been doing some research for the next chapters of my fic Mind Games. I went through her background and thought I would share with you my headcanons surrounding that. I especially realized that with her deaging came quite heavy consequences and thought we could discuss them. 

There are of course going to be HUGE TRIGGER WARNINGS : Grief, Grooming, SA, anxiety, depression, s*ic*de. DISCLAIMER I am no therapist so this is just me drawing from some of my how experiences with trauma and doing some researches online. 

Please know your limits and do not attempt to read this if you feel uneasy around those topics, I wouldn’t want to trigger anyone. Same goes with the potential comments that will be left under this post

So first, I’ll start with the implications of deaging Bo-Katan as they did. When we watch Clone Wars, we are led to understand that she is Satine’s younger sister but there are no indications on her age. If we think about it logically, there would probably be around an age gap of maximum 5 years between them. However, as many already pointed out, it would mean that she’d be around 60 years old in the third season of the Mandalorian. I watched a few of Katee Sackhof’s interview where she was saying that Bo-Katan was way younger that many thought she was. Indeed, with her being cast for Bo and Rosario Dawson for Ahsoka, I figured that it probably that the two were probably around the same age in CW, hence them becoming “friends” starting 7th season. It thus means that she probably was in her late teens or early twenties. However, the directors’ decision to deage her has quite huge implications : 

 Headcanons : 

* First of all, it means that there was quite a huge age gap between Satine and her sister: 15 to 20 years approximately

· We figured from the first episodes of season 3 that Bo-Katan has known her Dad and that he fought and died in the Great Mandalorian civil war. There was no mention of her mom so I just assume she died in childbirth of during the civil war as well. 

·  When her dad died, Satine became duchess of Mandalore and probably didn’t have time to personally take care of such a young sister, especially considering that she went under Qui-Gon and Obi Wan’s protection. The latter never met her so it means that she probably stayed on Mandalore with her nannies or relatives, witnessing the horros of the Civil war. She probably felt abandoned by her sister. She probably wished the war to end as soon as possible (some have theorized that her dad probably taught her how to fight so she probably wasn’t scared of using violence to defend her planet), explaining why she never understood why her sister was a pacifist.

· I am a strong believer in Satine being Korkie’s mom (I mean there is no third sister). So it means that Bo-Katan was probably a child when her big sister got pregnant with Obi-Wan. Probably, she witnessed her sister going into hidding to have her baby to try and not become a pariah. I figure this would explain Bo-Katan’s resentment against Jedis and particularly Obi-Wan as he didn’t reach out to her sister nor stepped up for her nephew (with whom there isn’t such a big age gap)

·       So, I have seen this theory going around the internet and read it in some fanfics. It makes sense to me and would explain many things in Bo-Katan’s behaviour. THIS IS WHERE THE TW BEGINS (Grooming) : I figured that Bo-Katan probably met Pre Vizsla after the civil war as he was part of the clan of the enemy. He probably quickly became her mentor, an authority figure that she felt like could replace her dad (she definitely has daddy issues). He probably made her feel understood and special, filling the whole of her parents and Satine’s absence. I honestly believe in the grooming theory saying that he manipulated her into a relationship and death watch to take over the throne of Mandalore taking advantage of her status as the duchess’ sister (as he knew it would humiliate the latter). 

·        TW (SA) Bo probably became very secretive and broke contact with her sister, probably experiencing quite a lot of anxiety : as groomed individuals cannot give consent she was victim of SA. One proof of that would be that “imfamous” butt slap she gave Ahsoka upon meeting her (which is also SA). This sexualized behaviour is not appropriate for a teen or young adult. 

*        Her exposure to this type of trauma probably made her feel like she felt invicible to danger and that is when she developed a violent, criminal behaviour (let’s not forget she participated in the burning of a village and the enslavement of its inhabitants). 

·        Then Pre Vizsla died by the hands of Darth Maul and she started feeling  grief but also probably self doubt, being hit with what she had done and went back to her sister.  She did horrible things while in DW and probably enjoyed them back then through her broken perception of things.

·        Then Satine died and she felt guilty for her death because obviously she she betrayed her. This changed her deeply as she was bombarded with her overwhelming feelings of blame, regret, guilt and confusion, probably struggling with TW drug or alcohol abuse, self harm or suicidal thoughts. 

·        She ended up leading her people, most of them probably hating her for what happened to their planet, Pre Vizsla and her sister, for Maul and of course later, the Purge… She was not her sister and I don’t think that she had ever thought through becoming the duchess of Mandalore. She definitely wanted the power but probably was not ready for that responsibility. Her people respected her because she was royalty, nothing more. They did not have love for her, nor respect : hence why they all left her once she didn’t have the darksaber anymore.

·        All those events had a huge impact on her adult life considering she had lost the majority of people she cared for and struggled to build strong and healthy relationships

She definitely struggles to be vulnerable around others tie that scene with Grogu where she asks him what he is looking at in episode 2) 

·        When it comes to romantic relationships, I picture her having an avoidant attachment style used her sex appeal as a tool to manipulate men AND women (we stan a bisexual queen), to feel in control. I feel like if she started feeling someone catching feelings for her, she would flee (that’s probably what happened with Axe as many of us assume that he was in love with her and was her ex FWB because of his bitterness and her reluctance when talking about him). 

 ·        When it comes to her relationship with Din (sorry I’m a Dinbo shipper) I feel like when she met him he struck her as really different to the other guys she met : 

-first because she had been forced to reflect on her past and draw lessons from it while she was alone on Sundary for two years

-then because he wore a helmet : so she did not see his face and struggled to sexualize him which forced her to focus on who he is inside and really bond with him on an intimate level (here I speak of real emotional intimacy and not sex)

- because he, himself, did not consider her as a piece of meat (I picture Din as asexual or demi-sexual) and he quickly showed her he cared about her and not her title, showing true loyalty to her for the first time in forever (except from her relationship with Ursa Wren and Ahsoka, I assume she didn’t have very deep friendships, most of them probably being shallow)

-because of Grogu, Din is starting to shift from an avoidant attachment style to a secure one and is way less guarded than in the first season

-so I guess she is intriged by this new form of intimacy with him, the way she feels at ease with him and not feel like she need to be hypervigilant (the scene in the cave where they sit super close shows that). Both of them lost their parents quite young and I feel like it could be a shared experience they could bond over or already have unconsciously. 

When it comes to her relationship with Ahsoka : 

PLS WRITTERS I BEG OF YOU show me a real healthy female relationship without toxicity and where they support each other no matter what. 

[we-are-knight]

whats the sad backstory behind the hema dodge post, if you dont mind me asking?

I have about 5 Asks about this, and the actual history to it is too long and elaborate to go into.

What I will confirm is that during the time of that clip, I was informally running the fencing group involved. I say 'informally' because I had zero interest in running it as a leader, and wanted to purely focus on teaching people to fence at higher levels, while letting everyone else determine the direction they took. During this time, I had a lot of accusations of hitting too hard, and had for many years. I was not able to fully fix this however, as I literally didn't know how to correct the mechanics to this, and no one had taken the time to actually look at the issue to rectify it. (It took my current fencing leader 20 minutes total to permanently fix this issue. In over a decade, less than half an hour was required to permanently solve this problem. No one made the effort with me until then).

In the background, there's a few people you can see watching this bout. One of them later took over the group by installing himself as the new president. Later, he would tell me I was now banned from the group, and give vague reasons as to why.

I still don't have a full understanding of why I was banned, nor was I told how to be allowed back. The closest I got was something about them retroactively applying a new code of conduct, and accusation that I had made the club a toxic environment.

This stings especially because I was never given any idea of what that meant or how to fix it, or a clear idea of what I had done. The club would then go on, with several of my former best friends, to totally remove any reference to me, and disallow reference to me. They also went on to use a club logo I had originally proposed, and when I attempted to speak positively of this, one of those people would directly message me saying that I was a horrible person and manipulating the scenario, and this was why people always moved away from me. I still don't know what that was meant to be about, and would reaffirm I had thought it was a hopeful gesture that they had adopted the logo I proposed, after which communication was ended. They also accused me of threatening the guy who installed himself, stealing club funds, and had some unpleasant things to say about my partner for good measure.

I ended up being ostracised from my sport for several months, and for most of last year, I realised that the HEMA community I looked up to, didn't care one mote about what had happened, and actively enabled the people involved. None of them have ever had any repercussions, and I will never really get closure. This has been the focus of regular therapy for me for over a year now.

For me, the video, impressive as it looks, features people in the background that have left me traumatised, and led to me abandoned by the only community I was actively engaged in for over a decade, realising I had no friends at all. I still will not attend certain events in the UK if I risk being alone, because the safeguarding in HEMA is basically non-existant, and based entirely on personality cults.

The only positive is that I was later recruited by another historical fencing group, who not only have safeguarding methods, but a professional set up and regular catch-ups to address the issues that most groups don't address. The experiences above taught me that HEMA as a culture will not help you if you are being bullied or ostracised, and so I have ensured that the culture of the current group I run is everything that the one in the video was not. I have had to ban exactly one person from my current group, and the process leading to them being banned was done with full engagement, and they remain on friendly terms with everyone since that judgement. The main positive, as such, was coming out of that experience with awareness of the failings of this sport, and committing to never perpetuating the cycle of abuse to others.

Even so, I'm still in therapy over it, and will never really get closure from it. I've totally lost faith in HEMA as a sport and culture, and continue fencing only because I can't bring myself to stop swinging a sword. And now I'm teaching a new group that has such enthusiasm and excitement, and has grown like nothing I've seen before, who say they stick with it because the culture of the current group is so warm. But it's a small consolation, as I won't consider going to events if the other group is there, if I am alone.

But keep in mind reading this that I am giving a very condensed form of things and how it affected me, and why that video brings me sadness, and a little anxiety.

[schneiderenjoyer]

it's you!! the one that made that verneider fic!!! i enjoy your fics and curious about something so i gott ask. what's your headcanons on schneider?

Vague, but yes, I write verneider stuf haha. I really appreciate and glad people like my work! (if you're actually referring to my fics like TWTR) And on the subject of headcanons...

SLAMS TABLE

You have no idea what you're asking for, anon. I'll literally go FERAL here for you asking this of me. I can go on forever talking about my personal headcanons for Schneider. And that's assuming whether or not you wanted headcanons of Schneider in general or for TWTR!Schneider. So, I'll compromise.

Normal Text is headcanons applying to both Italic mainly applies to Schneider Bold mainly applies to TWTR!Schneider

List of a "few" headcanons below.

Schneider is a good singer. Being told by her parents to go to church regularly, she'd also be encouraged to participate in church activities with her sisters like choir duty.

She's knowledgeable in botany. Growing up in an orchard, she picks up useful experience in taking care of plants, mainly fruits.

Schneider smokes and drinks. Mafia life gets her to pick up shady habits in her early days to relieve stress.

She taught herself how to use a gun. First gun she got was owned by her late father. The first time she ever had to use it is out of self-defense.

Schneider first killed someone at age 11.

Schneider's an adept learner. She shows signs of being responsible and understanding of the given situation at a young age, making her easily flexible. When it's beneficial or necessary to pick up a skill, she'll quickly learn and apply it into practice to be more efficient.

She's a skilled cook. Wandering around doesn't mean ignoring what you eat. Candies and energy bars won't do for a gourmet like her. She's equipped with years of knowledge and experience to feed even an entire army of picky eaters.

Schneider's favorite fruit is Sicilian Blood Orange.

Schneider didn't get a proper education. She knows how to read and write well enough, but she's taught herself how to speak English for survival.

She's greedy, but frugal. In her later years, Schneider grows to have a lavish and sophisticated taste in fashion and food, but always aims for practicality (buying cheap fake pearls because it's shiny enough and keeps the scent of oranges on her). She only splurges on family necessities and "business" resources.

Schneider is good in finances. In a struggling economy with 20 mouths to feed, she's learned to calculate the expenditures well.

Liberal in mind, conservative at heart. She's designed to be based on the American 1920s flapper girl scene where it's commonly viewed at the time as "going against the standard perception of young women" at the time. Yet, while Schneider filled into that role out of necessity to be her family's backbone (and it fits her personality better), at heart, she is still a young girl raised under conservative Christian values. Even if the possibility is no longer there, Schneider still dreams of someday marrying for love (man or woman doesn't matter to her), starting a family, and maybe be a sweet loving housewife to someone.

Hesitant leader, rebellious follower. Schneider has a complicated view of authorities, mainly the government. She's resistant and even disdainful towards blindly following higher power without questioning their motives, but knows when to lower her head for the time being. With this view, Schneider isn't interested in the leader position nor does she want to order an entire group of people to do her bidding if she really can help it.

Schneider doesn't lie. In a cruel world full of deception, the last thing she wants is to be a liar herself. She doesn't consider "lying by omission" as lying; merely stalling for time before she has to say it out loud. Her favorite tactic to avoid having to admit it openly too soon is to divert the subject or make cryptic, playful jabs. It's not lying if you never answer, after all~

She finds it hard to ask for help openly. With her background, showing any admission of weakness is a gateway to risking her loved one's life, so she finds more creative way to get the help she needs through subtle cajoling or manipulating the conversation to get the other person to engage willingly about the information she needs. Only time Schneider would ever ask help first is a matter of life and death of others rather than herself.

Schneider has a complex relationship with religion. She doesn't inherently denounces the practice, as she's lived her whole life with it, but she's jaded by it. Her shaky mindset about God and religion has led her to being she's a sinner and the reason she and her family have fallen on hard times with no salvation. Maybe if she was a better daughter...

Faith in you is belief to me. Schneider, even with many qualities of an arcanist, is still human biologically. She can't see or hear things most arcanists can, but she feels them. If her eyes and ears fail her, she places faith in those she trusts to be her guiding light.

Family over everything. Italian or no, Schneider will do anything for those she loves and considers "family." She'll place their comfort over herself and will do what she can to protect them. Even with her own life.

She loves collecting feathers. From doves to pigeons, any feather of any kind or color. It's a small hobby she holds dear in her heart.

Schneider likes watching movies, mainly the cheesy romance and slasher horror genre. Ever since finding out about "talkies" and the existence of "giallo" films, she likes to collect and binge watch all sorts of shows late at night.

Curious in the arcane. Her deepened fascination to immerse herself in the arcanist lifestyle has her become very knowledgeable in many arcane practices on a basic level. If she can't be a professional in one, might as well just be decent in all.

Schneider has a large gun collection. She takes care of it and maintains them well.

Playful business. It's hard for most to identify whether Schneider takes work seriously or not. She defaults to her usual teasing personality whether it's a risky job or a simple task. Only when the situation has her comrades at risk does she stop playing around and take things more seriously.

Selfishly selfless. It's already been shown many times in previous headcanons, but Schneider's selfless to a fault in the sense she'd do everything for her loved ones. She only gets involved and looks out for others with her best interest (and her "family") in mind. The best way you can get her on your side is to be friends with her family. (or threaten her with their life)

We win or we die. Schneider is no gambler, but when she does, she games with her life. She's long known the worth of her soul and will lay it down for any opportunity to win all odds. (to the benefit of her loved ones) Even so, there remains a heart that yearns to live.

I'll stop there since it's getting too long, haha. But yeah, I have a lot of headcanons for Schneider. Bbygirl's got so much potential and so much layers as a character. I love her so much.

[squiddosss]

salutations fellow human being! if you are taking requests, may i suggest the aouv crew (there needs to be a better nickname for them) as children? idk just an idea

p.s. this is also a reminder that al had a bowl cut when he was 6-7 years old :) do what you will with that info :)))

I AM ALIVE! [insert 20 exclamation points here] ok but seriously sorry for dipping off the face of the planet :(

here’s the line up! i kinda forgot everyone’s exact ages. i’m going to go ahead and say the characters are in 3rd-5th grade right now. also isn’t elionor one of the oldest champions?? uhhh idk

additional headcanons:

we all know Reid is a huge nerd. he probably leaned into the nerdy-ness a lot as a kid. this kid wore starwars shirts every day. also glasses, (i believe this is canon)

Isobel was actually rather quiet as a kid. she preferred books over people, and liked talking to adults more than kids her age. she was still exceptionally clever and motivated, but she didn’t really learn how to be sharp-tongued and ambitious until she befriended Briony. she owes her people skills that got her through the months before the tournament and all the reporters to her best friend. 

Briony basically coerced Isobel into joining a thing called spell scouts. think like boy scouts or girl scouts or any other youth program but for a magickal world. things like nature and survival skills were taught, but also the basics of spellcrafting and ethics of spell using. (just imagine them in their little uniforms)

Finley was pretty athletic and played a few sports, but didn’t fancy working with a whole team. he attempted junior league soccer (wait… football??? i am american help) but found that he preferred scoring points for his team rather than with his team. he did summer swim at first and running, but wouldn’t discover fencing until he was older (i believe he is the team captain in high school) oh, he also totally did summer theater camps. 

Alistair TOTALLY had a bowl cut. unfortunately, he has curly hair. Marianne Lowe thought his curly hair (which he inherited from his father, whoever that could be) was unbecoming for an eventual Lowe champion, so Alistair’s mother would have to magickally get it to stay straight every day. this is part of why Al lacks freckles— whenever Al went outside, humidity would turn it back into a curly mess. so, under Marianne’s instructions, he just never went outside. he later stopped straightening his hair (and outgrew the bowl cut thank god) but the habit of staying indoors stayed with him. 

Elionor experimented with dying the ends of her hair when she was younger. the blues and pinks never really showed through because her hair was brown, but she liked it, so that’s all that really mattered. she also wrote fanfiction and posted it to online forums despite technically not being old enough to use them.

after losing their father and having their mother leave them, it was hard for Briony and Innes to feel noticed within the large Thorburn family. they went about trying to feel accepted in different ways. Briony, obviously, was loud and learned to announce her presence to feel heard. Innes preferred a more subtle approach, learning a particular relative’s interests and schedules to find a way to slowly do little things to win them over. stuff like doing their chores or completing their hair. 

Carby was like… basically a baby at this point. so… [insert toddler personality trait here]

Diya definitely did extracurriculars at school. she won the spell fair (like the science fair but… y’know… spells) three years in a row and was a member of the book club that included a tournament with other schools at the end of the school year (which she won, duh) she was pretty competitive with it, too. 

Gavin… thinking about his childhood makes me so not ok. he realized pretty early on he was basically a sacrifice to a tournament his family would never win. Gavin knew about the tournament, and realized he would be the champion, and had always seen how distant his parents were, but didn’t realize what that really meant until a bit later. 

OK BUT SERIOUSLY THANK U FOR REQUESTING THIS!

[pedripics]

Barça's Little Buddha - Champions Journal Issue 16

Sometimes it's not just what you say, but how you say it, and as Graham Hunter discovers, Barcelona wonder kid Pedri is as cool, calm and collected in conversation as he is on the pitch.

For everyone involved, the atmosphere of a TV interview at the training ground of a major football club is usually at the rarefied end of the scale. This one is with Pedro González López - better known as Pedri - so it's important that everything is spot on. In truth, the empty room we've been given is functional and dull - two things we don't want the interview to be. However, there's nothing dull about the activity taking place: there's a whirl of moving parts and participants, busy constructing the 'studio' where part of this interview will be filmed. It's an intricate, intense and necessarily efficient business. A cameraman, two cameras worth tens of thousands of pounds, a producer, spotlights, backdrops, microphones, three club press officers, an interviewer (me) and ... the player.

Pedri appears to be in the eye of this hurricane of activity, unruffled and unperturbed. It makes a great metaphor for how Pedri plays - what it looks like when rivals fret and flock around him, trying to shackle his elegant imposition of intelligence upon Europe's football fields. But, right now, accompanying that preternatural calm is a gently amused smile. It is neither sardonic nor condescending; rather, it is the smile of someone who is deeply self-assured. And importantly, it reaches his eyes.

"My first club in Tenerife, Tegueste, were big on values. They instilled in us the idea that we shouldn't get angry during matches or argue with the referee - there's no point. They also taught us to have fun. Now, these days I do get angry occasionally. That's normal. But the self-discipline to stay calm and to do better next time you're on the ball can make the difference."

Not to overdo the theme, but Pedri's self-possession also helped him govern the emotions of moving to the Camp Nou in 2020. Just over two and a half years before, he'd been on trial at Real Madrid's Valdebebas training ground, which was a miserable experience: it was snowy, training was disrupted and those in charge told him he wasn't yet at their level. So, turning up at Barcelona with the impression that he might be put under contract only to be immediately loaned out meant guarantees were in short supply.

"When my family and I arrived at our hotel, I made a deliberate effort to stay calm. I knew that, at any time, the club might tell me they weren't going to sign me."

He was 16, small and slight, joining a great club in great turmoil. At the time of signing, he had only started for Las Palmas, in the second division, three times. After completing his first full senior season with the Canary Islanders, the best option that staying put at Barcelona seemed to offer was joining Barça B. But that's not what happened.

"The day Ronald Koeman told me that I could stay with his first team, that I might get a few minutes, was a huge shock - I really didn't expect it. The surprise opportunity filled me with determination to keep training hard, to compete fiercely and to immediately try to grab as much playing time as possible."

From his Barcelona debut (September 2020 against Villarreal) until the end of that season, Pedri played 73 times for club and country. He scored his first Champions League goal at 17; at 18 he won Spain's Copa del Rey and was named in the EURO 2020 team of the tournament (he also won the Young Player award for good measure). And now, aged 20, he has won his first Liga title.

No offence to the great sides that Pedri has faced across Europe, but his most ferocious rival so far might still be his own grandmom. The González family run an eatery in Tenerife and, as a kid, Pedri, his brother and mates would move the tables and chairs to play 2v2 football. One time, a wayward shot smashed a glass lantern; Grandma González was so furious that she tried to burst the ball with a knife. You soon learn tight control after a fright like that. So, is Pedri's ability to be surrounded by four or five opponents but skip free with the ball innate, or was it learned in the family restaurant?

"It's a bit of both. I was able to do some things like that when I was younger, and it's down to the work with all the coaches. But certain things stick with you and often you do things naturally, without thinking."

Champions League defenders, you have been warned: the boy's a natural.

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

At what age did your WoLs first learn to ride a Chocobo (or other mount) and who taught them? What were their first experiences like?

Yay, I love this question, partly because I hadn't really thought much about it before! Let me write shit into their canon before your very eyes.

Dusk (and Dawn) has been able to ride a chocobo for about as long as he can remember, as his maternal grandparents started to teach them when the twins were six or so. He doesn't remember his first experience exactly, but he definitely remembers the chocobo, an extremely patient lady named Rosalie, and he remembers who was teaching him, his extremely patient grandmother (although his granddad also gave him lessons, it's just his grandmother definitely gave the first few). Dusk is often clumsy and awkward, and he definitely is when getting up into the saddle, but once he's in it, he's actually quite skilled.

Mercuriel didn't learn to ride until he was in his mid-twenties and starting to travel a lot for cult business educational purposes. He enjoyed his first lesson, because he was decent at it right away. That meant he stuck with it instead of finding some other way to get around.

Errol didn't learn until he started actually adventuring in his early 20s and was informed joining the Maelstrom meant he could get a chocobo license (something I find very funny exists in the first place). His first few times weren't great, because he was nervous, which made the chocobo he was on nervous, and it was a whole thing. But eventually he got past that, and he loves it now.

Bjalla was ... hm. Pretty old, really, he only first got to Eorzea sixty years or so ago, and he didn't stick around those full sixty years. I kind of envision him as someone who did a lot of walking during his travels, partly because I don't think he'd want the extra responsibility of caring for a mount while he was wandering around, going wherever he felt like on a whim. So I think his learning to ride is actually a really recent thing, now that he has a home base of sorts. I suspect he was a little cranky he didn't pick it up as easily as he wanted to, but he at least likes the chocobos themselves. He'd still rather walk, though.

Thanks for the ask, this question was fun. <3

[tepkunset]

Top Surgery Journey Part 1

16 was the worst age of my life. My mother was diagnosed with stage-three breast cancer. We were evicted from our house and had to move again, this time to a shitty thin-walled apartment with drug-dealers for neighbours. I was half-way through my first year of high school, where I was bulled for what might as well have been a glowing neon “I have autism” sign strapped to my back. And I realized I liked girls—that terrified me almost as much as the threat of losing my mom.

My father used to tell me and my brother that the two things we were not allowed to be were gay or clergy. He said things like “all gay people should be put on an island” – your typical homophobic rhetoric. As an autistic child, I took him literally, and thought that if I was gay, he would discard me on an island to die. Living in Nova Scotia, it’s not like there’s a lack of islands around where he could have done so, in my mind. That probably sounds ridiculous to read if you’re neurotypical, but it’s what I genuinely thought at the time.

It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I started coming out to people as liking women. By that time my parents had divorced and I started looking after my mother and brother. I became more accepting of my sexuality, especially thanks to the encouragement from online queer spaces. And when I became more accepting of my sexuality, I started to question my gender as well. There were so many things that trans/non-binary people spoke of that I could identify within myself; things I never questioned before, or just assumed everyone felt that way. It prompted me to think about all the things that made me feel outside of my gender growing up, such as the intense jealousy I felt over my mother’s double mastectomy.

I know, right? It’s true though. She survived cancer, and all I could think of was how much I wished I could be rid of my breasts, too.

I was late in puberty. It didn’t start to hit until about age 15, so I was very new to the developing breasts I hated so very much, at the same time my mother was getting rid of hers. But when they came, they came in heavy. I was genetically cursed with a large chest, and it made shopping suddenly a nightmare for me, because I preferred the men’s section. I started the habit of buying clothing twice my size to hide my body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, because I felt disgusted with what I saw at best, or like I didn’t want a body at all at worst. I stopped going swimming; something I used to enjoy. Despite my family history, I never did breast exams because I couldn’t stand to think about them in such detail. One of the reasons I hate exercise in general is because I hate the sensation of my breasts moving so much, even when packed in sports bras. All because I know now, having been professionally diagnosed over a decade later, I have gender dysphoria.

(Insert here a reminder that not all transgender people have gender dysphoria, and that doesn’t make them any less trans. I am purely speaking about my own experiences!)

It’s only been a few years that I’ve opened up about my nonconformity to the western gender binary to the people I know in real life. Most of my close co-workers are 50+ years old cishet white women, who while mean well, are quite ignorant of gender diversity. I’ve been fortunate to only have to deal with one co-worker who did not respond well to my request to stop calling me “yes missy”, “yes girl”, “yes ma’am”, insisting it was just what they were taught from their generation and that I needed to respect that. But my manager has been very supportive, and made it very clear that it’s expected I be treated with respect, too. (She also added a rainbow flag to her email signature with the line “I respect inclusion”, which I thought was cute.)

My top surgery is two weeks away now, and I’m so excited to get it done that I think about it before bed every night. Knowing that soon I will be going to sleep on a table and then waking up with a flat chest is thrilling. Thinking about how much this is going to change my life is thrilling. I have worries about the surgery itself of course—I’ve only been under anaesthesia once when I was very little; too little to remember. I’ve never been on high pain-killers before. I worry about the drainage tubes and looking after them. But I figure these concerns are probably very normal, and I have to remind myself that people every day are going through the same surgery I’m about to go through. The surgeon who will be operating on me has almost two decades of experience. The clinic I’m going to in Montréal has a good reputation, from what I’ve been able to hear from others. There’s reason to believe things will go well.

[the-everqueen]

“Rose and the Corinthian are both people who need care, in different but complimentary ways, and i think that's part of what fascinates me about pairing them.”

I would say this ask is more of a “Thoughts on Corirose” one, based on your excellent quote/response here from LA Guard Dog part 1 👀

i do not remember saying this, which is funny to me because looking back at my comment replies on that fic, i was clearly burned out from final year of grad school. i'm way more loquacious now that my brain isn't running on fumes and spite. but i DO remember how much i appreciated each comment; those ao3 notifications in my inbox were little sparks of delight amid rejection emails and, later, a wave of onboarding paperwork.

anyways i stand by past me's words. i feel like fandom downplays how much Rose has lost: she's a young adult from a broken home, her mom died and left her with limited material resources to start her own life, she met Unity and then almost immediately lost her, she got her brother back but only after he's been through hell, and now she's his only living guardian. she's never really had a childhood. so it makes sense, to me, that deep down she'd really want to be cared for. she had to be The Responsible One with Lyta, with Jed, with the Endless. when is someone going to watch out for her? and yeah, the implication at the end of s1 is that she has this whole found family who are invested in her, but caring about someone is different from caring for them. also accepting care from people you feel have already given you a lot can be difficult when you're used to being self-sufficient and circumstances have taught you that the only person you can really trust to stick around is yourself. i skip ahead to post-comix in LA guard dog, but even with some distance from the events of the Doll's House arc, she's still a mid-20s woman in a parental role for a traumatized preteen. that's a lot for someone who isn't also a daughter of the Endless and the only remaining adult of her human bloodline.

enter the Corinthian. he's useful for Rose in a few ways: he can't die, he can shoulder some of the responsibilities involved with raising a kid (at very least the stuff that takes minimal skill but maximum brain space, like school schedules and chores and packing lunch). also he's an utter hedonist, which is great for getting Rose acclimated to the idea of having things she likes rather than just what she needs. look, he wanted a fancy coffee so he got her this fancy floral pastry. extrapolating from the comix (including the dreaming run, but i'm cherry picking there), he's very much a person who shows feeling through action, even when that's at direct contradiction with his words. and that's great for Rose, who i imagine has had a lot of people say nice things to her and then utterly fail to show up for her in the ways that matter.

i'm talking about him like he's a tool, which admittedly is how Dream still conceptualizes him to some degree in this au. but he's aware this time around that's not what the Corinthian needs, hence giving him to Rose. i don't know that Rose can think of the Corinthian as an object, based on her experiences and who she is as a person. Rose imagines possibilities that Morpheus could not. so her idea of care for a Nightmare looks different, too, and the crux of the LA guard fic pt. 2 is the question "is that enough?" idk! but i think it matters to the Corinthian. there's a moment in the dreaming comix, during Coco's Year As A Real Boy, where he muses that his bf Sila has become more than a distraction to him--i think someone seeing the Corinthian as a person, beyond his function as a mirror (aka what he can do for/to them), is the realization of a story he's been telling himself for a long time. about him and the Dreaming, about him and Dream.

tl;dr: Coco and Rose are both people who have been positioned as non-subjects in their respective worlds and that means they're both weirdly able to affirm each other's subjectivity.