#but! I'll be sure to make it worth the wait

[carasspice]

"My dear lady wife, is it really necessary for you to titillate the staff in that way?" asked the colonel as he sat back in his armchair, huffed and puffed on his cigar and stared across the room.

"My dear husband, you may have been a colonel in the army twenty years ago but that does not give you the right to bed our maid every afternoon. If I choose to have a little flirtatious enjoyment with the butler; the window cleaner; or the pizza delivery man I will. What's good for the goose etcetera."

"Pizza? But we don't eat pizza." he stuttered and puffed another cloud of his foul smoke into the air.

"You may not my dear, but your wife has certain needs that require a younger man's energy. Shall we leave it at that or do you require a more detailed explanation?"

"Oh rather. We may not get together so often these days but the maid appears happy enough and I do enjoy your exotic tales of debauchery. The colonel gets a little steamed up with the intimate details, however the moments that push my steam to the limits are when I have your frilly panties on my head, you have your hands on my knees with your underskirt high up your back and his todger is plunging relentlessly into your delightful derriere. Watching your ample titties swing back and forth as he plunges deep ... oh my word. I do so enjoy those times, such fun all round."

"As I am only too well aware and your good lady wife is happy to share such intimate moments, however my dear man, may I remind you that you were going to advertise for a younger butler, Atkinson is 78 and simply cannot get it up any longer. Johnson will be finished with the windows very soon, I will be heading upstairs to my bed chamber for the remainder of the afternoon should you care to watch us, otherwise you will have to wait until tomorrow for my summary."

"Atkinson has been in our employ for generations my dear, I will not exchange him for a younger model but why don't you book Johnson for additional work, would that suffice? I'll call him in to discuss possibilities."

"No you won't my love," she replied as she stripped to the waist, lay back and watched Johnson staring in between the blinds, "I believe that should I be able to offer him suitable rewards and make it worth his while, he may agree but that will depend on his other commitments, shall we say three afternoons per week or would you prefer me to have him in the mornings so to speak?"

"Quite so my love, there's nothing quite like a happy and fulfilled marriage in my opinion, mornings would be preferable as I hate to be disturbed when I have the maid in my hands. She is so supple and full of cuddles and squeaks when I catch her."

"If you say so my dear husband but I suspect that she catches you, you never were the quickest around the bed chamber."

"Hah, I confess that she has a few years advantage in that respect. While we are on this topic, I have a draw full of her white frilly panties, is it out of order to return them or what should I do with them?"

"Perhaps you should ask the girl later, I'm sure you will collect another pair today. Ah Johnson, I see you've finished and I have a proposition as long as you don't mind the colonel watching us cavorting from time to time."

"No milady, does the colonel prefer the bedroom, kitchen, library or in here?"

"Mister Johnson, the colonel would be delighted if you will kindly attend to her ladyship's bottom at ten o'clock sharp each Wednesday if you please as I am to be at my club by one."

"Variety is the spice of life Johnson, obviously Wednesday will be in the study with the colonel's presence es always, what would you say to Monday, Wednesday and Friday at ten o'clock. Terms will be agreed I trust, shall we go upstairs and commence our negotiations?"

xxx

[callmemonster68]

ENHYPEN - Hot Surprise ( smut )

You decided to surprise him with a nude, detail, he had never seen you naked

Pairing: Enhypen X FemReader

Genre: Obscenity

Warning: Contains explicit content, unprotected sex, suggestive, penetration, explicit language, climax, sex, swearing, loss of virginity, hickeys, messy make-out sessions, dirty talk, compliments, rough sex, touching bruises, handcuffs, chains, sadomasochism , masochism, brands, public sex, oral

Sunoo Scene: Sunoo is taking selfies and sending them to you when you decide to reply with something bolder. Dialogue: Sunoo: "Look how good I look today, Y/N. Admit it, you’re lucky." Y/N: "You look amazing, but... I think I can top that." (You send the photo.) Sunoo: (gasps softly in surprise) "Y/N!!! You just... Oh my God, I don’t even know what to say." Y/N: "Then don’t say anything, just enjoy it." Sunoo: "I did enjoy it. Now, how do I see you like this up close?"

Sunghoon Scene: Sunghoon is at the gym. You know he’s busy, but you can’t resist. Dialogue: Y/N: "Hey, are you super busy over there?" Sunghoon: "I’m on a break. What’s up?" Y/N: (sends the photo) "Just wanted to give you a little extra motivation." Sunghoon: (stares at the screen, speechless for a moment) "Y/N... are you trying to kill me? How am I supposed to keep working out after this?" Y/N: "Maybe you need a different kind of workout with me." Sunghoon: "I’m on my way."

Niki Scene: Niki is playing video games when he gets a notification from your message. Dialogue: Niki: "What is it, Y/N? I’m in the middle of a match here." Y/N: "I just wanted to distract you a little..." (You send the photo.) Niki: (immediately drops the controller) "What was that? I lost because of you!" Y/N: (laughing) "I thought you’d like it..." Niki: "Like it? You just became my only focus. Forget the game, send me another one."

Jay Scene: Jay is alone in the music studio, reviewing some compositions. You decide to surprise him. Dialogue: Y/N: "Hey, do you have a second? I wanted to show you something..." Jay: "Sure, what is it? Is it something important?" Y/N: "That depends... Does this seem important to you?" (You send the photo.) Jay: (chokes and almost spills his coffee) "WHAT?! Y/N, you’re... incredible. I wasn’t ready for this." Y/N: "I wanted to see your reaction... Looks like I got it." Jay: "I can’t take my eyes off my phone. You’re perfect... Can I come over right now?"

Heeseung Scene: Heeseung is practicing guitar when you decide to spice things up. Dialogue: Y/N: "Hee, do you want some new inspiration?" Heeseung: "Of course! What do you have for me?" Y/N: (sends the photo) "How about this?" Heeseung: (drops his phone to the floor) "WHAT? Y/N, this is... I wasn’t expecting this from you!" Y/N: "Is it bad?" Heeseung: "Bad? It’s perfect. You’re perfect. I’m going to need some time to process this."

Jungwon Scene: Jungwon is reading messages before bed when you decide to do something unexpected. Dialogue: Y/N: "Are you still awake?" Jungwon: "Yeah, just getting ready to sleep. Why?" Y/N: (sends the photo) "So you can have sweet dreams." Jungwon: (stares at his phone in disbelief) "Y/N... I didn’t know you were this... Wow." Y/N: "Is that bad?" Jungwon: "Terrible. Now I won’t be able to sleep thinking about you."

Jake Scene: Jake is in the middle of a casual call with you, complaining about his busy day. Dialogue: Jake: "Today was a mess, seriously... I just need something to cheer me up right now." Y/N: "I think I can help with that." (You send the photo.) Jake: (silent for a few seconds) "Is this real? Y/N, are you kidding me?" Y/N: "You don’t like it?" Jake: (nervously laughing) "I LOVE it. You just made my entire day worth it. I can’t wait to see you like this in person."

✿ If you don't reblog and comment, you can be sure I'll be showing up in your dreams tonight... and I won’t be as sweet as in the story ✿

[sunarots]

taste ━━━ suna rintarou & miya osamu

11. people change ♡

"Hey, wake up."

Your eyes flutter open as someone lightly nudges you awake, a hand rest on your knee. You lift your head from Osamu's shoulder, rubbing the sleep from your eyes to wake yourself up. "Sorry, was I asleep for long? You should've woken me up." You wait for Osamu to get out of his seat before shuffling from the window seat, taking your rucksack from him as he grabs his own.

"Wake you? I'm not that dumb. I've heard the stories," he scoffs, leading you off the bus. Though he's not looking, he knows the exact look on your face.

You follow him with a scowl. "I'm not that bad..."

"You are," Kuroo agrees, hauling your suitcase and his towards you. "You have the itinerary handy?"

You nod your head and rummage in your bag, pulling out the crumpled sheet of paper. You lead Kuroo to the front of the group, comparing the time on your phone to the timeline on the sheet. "Damn, we lost some time. I said to everyone to use the toilet before we left, but did they listen?"

"They never listen to you," Kuroo teases, lightly nudging your arm.

Rolling your eyes and dismissing his comment, you wait for everyone to gather around you and Kuroo before proving him wrong. "Okay, everyone! We're late to the games but we're in time for dinner. You all have your room assignments, drop off your bags and get settled. We'll meet in the common area in ten minutes with Sendai's team and make our way there together. Be on your best behaviour, just because coach is sick doesn't mean we can slack off and misbehave. Any questions?" You spot Bokuto's hand shoot up, already knowing what he'd ask - again. "No, Bokuto, you cannot share with Akaashi. We've been over this. Now, go get settled. If you need me, I'll be in room seven with Sendai's manager. I'll see you all soon."

You hang back, waiting for Osamu to send his brother off into the unknown so he can walk you inside. Atsumu goes bounding off ahead, almost tripping up a step on the way. You bite back a laugh and turn to Osamu, now by your side. "Maybe he'll get lost."

He switches his case from one hand to the other to drape it around your neck. "One can dream. So, who are you rooming with?"

"Sendai's manager. We've met a couple times, all the managers have a group chat...well, the girl ones. Kuroo keeps up with the guys," you explain, smiling at the student holding the door for you both. You lead him past the common room and towards the dorm.

"Why does Kuroo keep up with the men?"

"Because they're just so... Weird. They act crazy." You glance over your shoulder to make sure no one's following. "So, what's the plan? With me and you, I mean. We need to try make it really convincing for everyone. Well, I'll probably tell Kiyoko because we're always gossiping, but everyone else needs convincing."

"Well, I think if I kiss you on the cheek at some point when people are looking it could give Iwaizumi a stroke," he comments, a smile tugging at his lips at the thought. "I know he's not the target, but it would be funny."

"That would be funny." You knock a couple times on the door to the dorm room, turning to face him. "We can do that tomorrow morning. That would wake everyone up."

"Or kill someone..." He pauses in consideration and turns to you as the door opens. "Worth it."

"Who are you killing? I'd rather not harbour a fugitive." Kiyoko keeps one hand on the door as she eyes you suspiciously. "Unless it's Rubi. In that case, I can be your alibi."

"See? This is why Kuroo deals with the men and I befriend the women. We stick together," you tell Osamu before properly greeting Kiyoko. "Thanks for letting me room with you again!"

Kiyoko waves a hand and opens the door for you to step inside. "It's no problem. I like not having to share my dorm, but it's nice to have a guest once in a while."

"I'll see you in the common room with everyone else, okay? If Atsumu's late, kill him for me." You flash Osamu a smile before closing the door to the dorm, leaning back against the door.

Kiyoko has her arms crossed over her chest, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Is that pretty boy? He's cute."

"Hey, back off! You have one already." You lightly swat at her arm, pulling your case over to the empty bed and setting it on top. "How is he?"

Kiyoko sits on her bed, eyes scanning over the pictures on the wall. "He's good. He's enjoying his course and likes being able to have more control in the team. I think he was excited to see Iwaizumi-san and exchange tips." As she speaks, she watches you pull out a bag of toiletries from the case. "But enough about Ryu. How is Osamu?"

Instantly, you press your lips into a tight line. "Well... We're pretending. No one knows but you. Also, Ugly and Osamu has a fight and Osamu called him Ugly."

Kiyoko's jaw drops open as you speak, scouring her mental dictionary for an appropriate reaction. "Oh my- You're faking? Is that a good idea?"

You shrug your shoulders after a moment of thought, settling at the edge of the bed. "I mean, maybe?"

"Is this because he doesn't like you back?"

You gasp more dramatically than intended, hand on your chest. "I'll have you know that he liked me when I first started dating Ugly."

"But does he like you now? People change, y/n."

# fun fact !

kiyoko tries to stop y/n from getting too lost in her perfect world after hearing about suna

masterlist. previous | next

summary. when your ex starts dating your least favourite person on campus, your ex-best friend from high school, you can’t help but feel a little betrayed. you quickly realise a way to get back at him: his best friend.

taglist (open!). @v3nusplanetofluv @mdmraz @thoughtswithbbg @fireinyoureye @wakashudou @jisookdays @tespho @frootloopscos @gigiiiiislife @walllflowerrrsss @tangerinelovr @datonegaybestfriend @sturnprincess @jpegarchives @justanotherweeb666 @1yeah1 @rrosiitas @yuu-via @zazathezaer @softpia @animenaces-world @loveelylani @punkhazardlaw @to-dino @nanamis-right-tiddie @aboutkiyoomi @arusio @aloore @dailyakira @alexithemiyatic

[thesleepyfable]

~ SWTD: Still Here AU Season 2 Part 7: ~

Hit the Road, Caz:

Here we go. It's time for a cross-country trip across the UK. I had to do some research for this one, including certain roads, motorways, and time it takes to get to London from Scotland, and the answer is 9ish hours.

The trucks arrived at 10 pm, and Addair wasn't happy about that. He might have said he was fine waiting until morning, but the entire night, he tossed and turned in the barn. He mindlessly picked at the hay and continued to look at the pictures. The thought of Tommy's accident polluted his mind, and Caz's. The poor man, who was a lighthouse to the infected, could somehow picture Addair's thoughts as if they were his own. He didn't blame Addair for it, but it was a good thing he didn't have a drivers licence. Sleep quickly went out the window, but hugging Suze was worth it. Her sweet smell and soft skin were perfect.

'Right-o,' Roy said as he held up a map of Scotland with Innes against one of the vans. Cadal's drivers would be joining them on this trip since no one from Beria had a licence, but they'll keep to themselves. Thankfully, they were the same duo who brought them here. 'We'll head to Aberdeen, then cross through Glasgow to drop some people off. Then we join the M6, and it's a straight drive from there.'

'Sounds easy enough,' Trots muttered.

'Aww, you're leaving me in that dump all alone?' Simon playfully groaned as he hugged Trots from behind and rested his head on his man's shoulder.

'I'll be back, I promise.'

Innes watched the couple before looking over at Muir, who was on the phone with his family. Seeing him made him feel light, and that lost happiness he craved for years return, but he didn't know what to do. He had so many plans but he didn't know where to start. Maybe, some advice?

'Hey, Simon. Can we talk in private, please?'

'Sure.' The pair wandered into the garage, away from any pair of pricked ears. 'You okay?'

'Can I ask you something?' Simon just responded with a shrug and a nod. 'How do you make Trots happy?'

'Well, I listen to him. Make him feel special when he gets home.' Simon chuckled. 'He's always grumpy when he gets back.' Innes noticed the loving look in Simon's eyes as he focused his attention back to Trots. He watched his man help Irene put her luggage away, like he was a fallen angel. That loving look in his eye. Innes was jealous of it. He knew he could never make that expression. 'So, I cook him a good meal. Pasta is his favourite.' A pause lingered. Innes looked to the floor with crossed arms. When Simon noticed the lack of a response, he turned back to the blonde deckhand. 'You're struggling with Muir, aren't you?'

'Not struggling,' Innes replied. 'I love Muir, I really do - heck, I admitted my feelings first - but, what do I do now? I haven't been in a relationship for over a decade, and on the spur of the moment, I finally tell him what he has been waiting for since he met me.'

'Find an interest he has and share it.' Simon was quick with his words but soft in tone. 'What does he like?'

'Music. He would sneak a harmonica on Beria and wake me up at all ungodly hours of the night to tease me.' But Innes never resented Muir for it. As tired as he was the following day, he couldn't be mad.

'Do you have it?'

'Yeah.'

'Then learn it. You don't have to be an expert, but he'd love to see that you care about something he's passionate about.' Now, Innes felt like an idiot for not knowing something so obvious, but he felt better knowing he was worried for nothing.

'Thanks, Simon. Now, I just have to learn how to cook.'

'Did Muir do that?'

'No, we both can't cook for shit.' The pair shared a laugh.

'Right, let's get out of here.' Caz didn't sound enthusiastic. He was so tired and was hopefully going to sleep away the entire trip. He and Addair shared a quick, knowing glance before he climbed into one of the trucks, joining Rennick and, yes, his robin Ruby too. Addair wasn't an animal lover. Always thought a pet would be too much work and too expensive to care for. But, if Tommy was able to wake up, he'll make sure to get him a dog. Maybe a staffy. Big but loyal.

'Are you sure you're okay watching the farm for me?' Muir asked O'Connor and Mary. 'Ma said Angus will be home in a few hours. We can pay you both for this.'

'Nae bother, Muir,' O'Connor replied. 'I just can't take off on another adventure again.'

'Why, will your heart explode?'

'Maybe. Just bring me a fridge magnet.'

'Fair enough. Innes left the schedule by the back door.'

'Thanks.' O'Connor got a quick glimpse of Addair. He hated the man with a burning passion, but here, he felt sorry for him. He and Mary never had children, but he could feel his heartache. Like a stone sinking into the depths of a lake. This didn't change anything. Still a cunt in his eyes. Now just wasn't the time to feel the usual hate. It will come back, eventually...

The McLeary family bundled up in the first truck whilst Roy, Simon, Jack, and Irene took the second housing, Muir, Gibbo, and Trots. A tight squeeze on the bench seats, but they'll manage. Caz, who was sat by the door, rolled the window down and gave a thumbs up. And with a roar of the engines that rattled the trucks, followed by a final wave from O'Connor, the team drove down the drive and carefully turned for the village.

'What's London like?' The idea of going somewhere knew left Cait bouncing in her seat as her mind was filled with questions.

'Big,' Addair said. He seemed happy to be on the road now. His gravelled voice that rivalled Roy's was light, which the men have heard before, but that wasn't malice to it. For once, the Londoner was genuine. He even let out a small, nostalgic chuckle to himself. 'Lots of history. Busy streets, parks for as far as the eye could see. You'd love riding a red bus. You always have to do that in London.'

'Is there a zoo?'

'Yep.'

Oh no...

Cait gasped and turned to Caz with a pleading look. Her father was always the weaker one to her puppy eyes. He tried not to look at her and kept his attention to the country road. Maybe now was a good time to pretend to be asleep? However, he couldn't resist, and his eyes glanced to his eldest daughter.

'Can we-'

'No,' Suze sternly said, saving the day as she always did. 'We're going home.'

'But, I want to go to London with dad.'

'Well, you've got school next week, and what dad's going to London for is too adult for you.'

'Edinburgh is better anyway,' Rennick boasted through the small hatch, causing Caz to laugh, which was more of a cackle. 'What?!'

'Nothihg. Nothing.' Caz snickered and wiped his eyes. 'I've never been, Davey, but why's it better?'

'Really, my flat. You could see the entire city from the window.'

'But, you don't have an Edinburgh accent.'

'Aye. I was born and raised in Fife. Moved to the Captial about fifteen years ago.'

'Fife's better..."

'Fife didn't have job opportunities.'

'What will happen to your home now?' Suze pondered.

'Who knows. I guess I could sell it, but why would I need money now?'

'Can Mr. Rennick, come and live with us, Daddy?' Maidie's innocent voice and imagination didn't consider that they lived in a 3rd story of a 10 story flat with no garden to call their own. Cait nodded in agreement. Rennick and Suze chuckled. Addair was silently amused. And Caz, as surprised as he was at the thought of his boss sitting in their front room, had to be logical.

'Maybe,' he said with a fake smile. He reached over and held Suze's hand, who tightened her grip in return. 'Let's just get you weans home first.' One day left. Caz could feel reality coming for him, and as much as he wanted to run again, his family anchored his body and cleared his mind. Suze leaned and rested her head on his shoulders. Caz kissed the crown of her head and rested his own on her. He peered to the window next to the driver, where the first buildings of the village passed by. This was it. Was Caz scared? Yes. He was terrified. But he had to be strong for his own sake of mind.

Soon, they were on the empty motorway of the A93 for Aberdeen. Then Glasgow.

[dewphomet]

To that one Anon request I got a bit ago, I'm indeed working on it I promise! 🌿

[knifegremliin]

working out some commission prices btw 👀

[seaofreverie]

I'm back and Guys they played my favourite song they played where your eyes don't go and they played spy and last wave and the darlings of lumberland and let me tell you about my operation and

[blorboresidue]

feeling kinda lightheaded but the world is okay I have only a few simple Night Chores ahead of me and, most importantly, I have so many leftovers in my fridge that it's almost stressful (👍)

[tardis--dreams]

Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care

[austerulous]

[artekai]

Honestly "I could give you the world but you'd poison the seas" is Frosscore enough that it could apply to most people who have ever cared about him. But also, it should clearly be about Lis. Combine that with Aloy's "Elisabet is the only reason you even have a planet to return to" for greater impact. Boom

[probably-insane-writer]

honestly I'm going to start practicing art just so i can write fucking manga. the yuri (and manga in general) calls to me also how else am i supposed to get shit out there, yapping?

[miraclemaya]

MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”

CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?

GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.

TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.

“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”

“I’m not feeling very hungry.”

[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own

CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.

THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.

THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-

FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.

CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.

THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?

THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!

HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.

MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US

WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?

MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”

MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US

“I’m going to kill myself.”

“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”

Isn’t there anything else you can say?

YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?

THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.

CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.

THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!

"I am going to kill myself."

"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."

"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"

There. There has to be better options than this.

YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.

MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.

"I am going to kill myself."

"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."

"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"

YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”

MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.

GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.

MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?

MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.

DAMAGED MORALE -4

CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.

SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.

FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.

TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.

STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.

THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!

YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”

MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”

CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.

RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.

YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”

MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”

Order 10000 yen worth of tempura

Order 1000 yen worth of tempura

Order 100 yen worth of tempura

YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”

HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.

THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!

MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.

HEALED MORALE +1

RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.

THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.

Thank you.

Why don’t you hate me?

YOU - Why don’t you hate me?

THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.

Thank you.

THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.

[featherymainffins]

Binge-reading Dungeon Meshi because it's the only thing standing between me and suicide ngl.

[andhumanslovedstories]

for people who also have a mild impulse shopping problem, I've found it useful to identify the itch I want to scratch: is it spending money or is it getting things? If it's spending money, I trick my brain by paying off something I owe. Like a few years back when I was feeling dangerously shoppy, I would drop a big chunk of change as a student loan payment. When I was buying an entire new mouth of teeth, I'd transfer money from my checking to my secret ultra hard to access tooth account.

If paying myself or paying a debt doesn't work, I find a charity or gofundme that's worth supporting. (You gotta be careful with that last one, it's really easy to be spend way more than you should, budget-wise, because it makes spending money feel good morally, which can be an incentive to keep going.) I also like to keep cash on hand so if I see someone who needs money, I can give it to them. It's a financial decision made impulsively for an opportunity I won't get again (giving $20 to this exact person at this moment of need). All this soothes the spending beast inside of me, and I don't deal with the Money Shame that comes with $100 of amazon orders.

If I want to acquire things, I download a lot of research articles I know I probably won't read, or I get an enormous stack of books from the library that would be impossible to finish before I have to return them, or I'll download a bunch of albums I tell myself I'll get to someday. Sometimes it's enough to just make a list of things of things I want to do or own. A list of one hundred movies I've curated from best of lists that in this moment I feel motivated to watch. Add tv shows to my watch list on netflix. Add fics to my "to read" list on ao3. Anything that feels like I'm adding to a hoard.

If I still want to shop, well, I'm probably gonna spend more money than I mean to, but I at least make sure I'm deliberate about my spending. If I'm gonna blow my cash on something, it should at least be worth it. That means either very cool or very useful. And honestly, the things you tell yourself are useful while in the shopping haze are never that useful, so you might as well go for very cool.

This is all to say I fell into a trance last night and this morning woke to receipts and tracking info from etsy dot com. And I am like "yikes." But I did get something that is so so so stupid that I can't wait to show it to you all when it arrives.

[astonmartinii]

day six: not so home for christmas | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem reader

oscar and y/n are having their first christmas in monaco because of a snow storm, unfortunately this also means they're now hosting most of the grid as well.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 137,094 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: thanks a lot snow storm :( i guess it's our first ever christmas here in monaco

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user1: yall global warming might just be real

user2: you're only just realising it now ?

charles_leclerc: you kids and your complaining - a white christmas in monaco, what more could you want?

yourusername: a christmas at home with our families?

charles_leclerc: families? when you're in your adopted father-in-law's home city, i'd watch your tone if i were you

oscarpiastri: if you think of your kids as often as you say then you should be worried that your aussie son is going to FREEZE to death :(

charles_leclerc: if it's the bbq you crave, you can still do that?

yourusername: it's snowing? and he is NOT bringing our bbq inside

charles_leclerc: okay jeez, not much christmas spirit here i see

oscarpiastri: we miss our families, sue us

user3: wait... if they couldn't get out of nice... who else couldn't

user4: the storm kicked in like a day ago right?

user5: based on instagram activity, my guess is that max, lando, ollie (idk why he was in monaco anyway), kimi (i think he's attached to ollie), alex (and lily) and george

user6: i know it would never happen but wouldn't it be so cute if we got a grid christmas dinner

yourusername: please don't give them any ideas

oscarpiastri: i only just got rid of them 😩

landonorris: so, just out of interest, is y/n still free to maybe wrap my presents for me?

yourusername: do i look like the christmas fairy to you?

landonorris: well i know for a fact that oscar's ass was not wrapping those presents

oscarpiastri: well y/n actually likes doing things for me soooooo

landonorris: PLEASE Y/N I'LL HAVE TO RESORT TO USING TIN FOIL

yourusername: tin foil... please you are a 25 year old man

landonorris: does it look like i'm a man who has sellotape in his house?

yourusername: no.

user7: y/n is like a full time mum to a load of men all older than her

user8: she better get ready to cook for them at christmas because none of these men can cook for themselves

oscarpiastri

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 692,108 others

tagged: yourusername & landonorris

oscarpiastri: i'm not sure how this went from our lonely christmas away from both of our families to babysitting half of the grid but what the hell, sure

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user10: i personally blame all of you for this

user11: and what??? i'm so excited

user12: i hope they post nothing more just to spite your ass

charles_leclerc: i’m kinda offended no one thought of coming to mine :/

maxverstappen1: you’re shit at cooking

charles_leclerc: how would you know?

maxverstappen1: i saw it in your vlog

charles_leclerc: you watch my vlogs???

maxverstappen1: NO?

yourusername: okay queens stop flirting and get back to your stations in the kitchen

charles_leclerc: can we flirt there?

yourusername: if you're still peeling - knock yourselves out

user13: y/n basically confirming lestappen? wow christmas DID come early this year

user14: the real question is why she would let those menaces in the kitchen?

yourusername: i have seen how much these people eat, i need help even from the useless

yourusername: also if they want certain dishes from home they have to help

maxverstappen1: i am CORING AS MANY APPLES AS I CAN I PROMISE THE APPLE BEIGNETS WILL BE WORTH IT

oscarpiastri: i know they will be, y/n is making them

maxverstappen1: okay buddy, i don't see you helping

oscarpiastri: i am keeping everyone else in line, that's a full time job as well

user15: who made the youngest couple in charge of these fools?

user16: a comedic genius

yourusername: they're annoying but i'll deal with them for you

oscarpiastri: you make such sacrifices for me, i love you

yourusername: i love you more

alexalbon: we're really not that bad you guys are being dramatic

yourusername: george walked up to our mantle piece, pointed at my baby picture and said "ugly. my condolences" ?

alexalbon: that's george ? he's mean to everyone

yourusername: HE'S IN THAT BABY'S HOUSE

olliebearman

liked by charles_leclerc, estebanocon and 418,934 others

tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri & kimiantonelli

olliebearman: first christmas with my big brother :))))

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user17: yall be on oscar about him holding onto the leclerc family joke but the real enemy is ollie

olliebearman: i think it's cute

olliebearman: and it's NOT a joke

user18: you know what? yeah i'd also keep going with the joke i need to get in that leclerc family

olliebearman: the real catch here is y/n she's going to teach me to crochet :)

yourusername: we can make little bear mans !!!

user19: the grid dad stuff was cringey... but grid brother well that's hitting like crack i fear

charles_leclerc: grid dads are cringey ??? count your days

user19: sorry?

charles_leclerc: i (and my family) will NOT tolerate sebastian vettel slander. not now not EVER

fernandoalo_oficial: and me?

charles_leclerc: i couldn't give a fuck about you old man

fernandoalo_oficial: excuse me

fernandoalo_oficial: i'll have you know i am just as much oscar's father as you are

charles_leclerc: and how have you come to that OBVIOUSLY WRONG conclusion

fernandoalo_oficial: WELL i don't know maybe his REAL grid dad is actually mark webber who i have a well documented homoerotic relationship with and therefore oscar and most importantly Y/N are my children

charles_leclerc: what a load of bullshit

charles_leclerc: if grid children were based on homoerotic tension then i'd be father to all of the red bull juniors and max would have custody of the FDA

maxverstappen1: well....

pepemarti: hi !!!

dinobeganovic: hey.....

yourusername: what happened to the original plot of the movie

user20: i think the cabin fever is getting to them

lilymunhe: no they're like this all of the time it's exhausting

yourusername: tell me about it

olliebearman: but not me :(

yourusername: no we love you

oscarpiastri: you are the least annoying one

olliebearman: omg thank you :3

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 163,207 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc & landonorris

yourusername: not so home for christmas but with family nonetheless

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user22: what was the dress code here?

landonorris: what we had left? all the dry cleaners are closed because of the storm

yourusername: you take ALL of your clothes to the dry cleaners?

landonorris: why wouldn't i do that...

yourusername: yk what, whatever !

user23: omg of course leo was there as well

yourusername: we only invited charles for him

charles_leclerc: excuse me?

landonorris: he was invited ????

oscarpiastri: well he was staying in monaco anyway and you guys all invoked your squatters rights in my house so what was one more

landonorris: i am not squatting? my ass is already big enough as it is

yourusername: i know your ass is big because YOU'RE ALWAYS SAT ON IT

oscarpiastri: god i love you

yourusername: i love you even more

oscarpiastri: nuh uh not possible

yourusername: i love you so much i'm not even that angry about half of the grid crashing our christmas

oscarpiastri: i love you so much that i personally barged a child out of the way to get you your eras tour merch

yourusername: i do love my merch.... but not as much as i love you

oscarpiastri: you're so romantic

georgerussell63: right that's it, i am SICK of you people pretending you are not enjoying our presence

yourusername: did i or did i not say family ???

oscarpiastri: george i'd appreciate if you didn't talk to y/n this way

maxverstappen1: yeah back the fuck off

georgerussell63: why is max here?

maxverstappen1: ummmm y/n busted her ass to make apple beignets for me so i had some netherlands with me at christmas so i would die for her. i am somwhat fond of oscar as well

maxverstappen1: so fuck with them, you fuck with me

maxverstappen1: and you seem to like doing that recently

yourusername: awwww thanks max!

oscarpiastri: we are fond of you too buddy

georgerussell63: how did i lose this?

user24: max out here getting wags on his side

maxverstappen1: that's my ma

maxverstappen1: wait that makes my homoerotic tension with charles incest

maxverstappen1: that's my home girl

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, jackdoohan and 1,094,577 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: y/n absolutely smashed our makeshift grid christmas and she said she'll accept thanks in qualifying tows or easy passes on track 👍

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user25: oh they want me dead

user26: i would do questionable things to get a slice of that cake

user27: drop the recipe please xxx

yourusername: oh babe i be following the tiktoks like the rest of yall - i'll repost it

user28: woman of the people

yourusername: babe i don't really remember saying those exact words...

oscarpiastri: PLEASE ! they don't say no to you now you've filled their stomachs

landonorris: he's not wrong

maxverstappen1: you're in my will now

charles_leclerc: you're now my favourite daughter in law

yourusername: i'm your only daughter in law?

charles_leclerc: idk kimi and ollie are pretty attached with their weird tension

landonorris: like father like son

charles_leclerc: huh?

landonorris: huh?

oscarpiastri: ^^ see !!!! y/n please !!!

yourusername: fine.

yourusername: thank you all for coming, i hope you enjoyed dinner and your time with us. i loved spending time with you all but if you wish, i will be accepting thanks in the form of qualifying tows and easy passes for oscar or pornstar martinis from any hospitality

yourusername: happy?

oscarpiastri: yes

oscarpiastri: YOU HEARD THE WOMAN GUYS

maxverstappen1: oh i love y/n but i'd rather put you in the wall than let that ugly orange car past without a fight

georgerussell63: @fia i told yall

yourusername: are you ever gonna give that up ?

georgerussell63: no? and i KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO SAT ME NEXT TO HIM AT DINNER

yourusername: you'll never prove it :P

user29: oscar is such a sassy man

yourusername: he gets it from his momma

oscarpiastri: and you :)

yourusername: i will say your ability to watch my reality tv with you is a big factor in how much i love you

landonorris: is that why oscar once woke me up the night before a race by shouting "get her ass lisa" ???

oscarpiastri: we watch real housewives together on facetime :)

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55 and 1,130,672 others

tagged: yourusername & oscarpiastri

charles_leclerc: i made the right choice in son and most importantly daughter in law

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user31: okay the cinnamon buns have thrown me over the edge now

user32: i NEED to know who asked for them

alexalbon: guilty 💅 and they slapped thanks y/m

oscarpiastri: we've been dating for years? like when i was still in f3?

charles_leclerc: semantics

oscarpiastri: no i met and charmed y/n all on my own thank you very much

charles_leclerc: because she saw the future and the potential of our prosperous family !!!

oscarpiastri: at this point, whatever you wanna hear old man

charles_leclerc: relegated below ollie

olliebearman: score !!!

user33: oh these people are never letting this joke die are they

user34: i think we're stuck with it

charles_leclerc: are you people sick of whimsy ???

charles_leclerc: i am ALLOWED to flex my son's amazing choice in women, especially a woman who will make me a swiss roll on demand

yourusername: he does have amazing taste

oscarpiastri: thank you :3

yourusername: as much as you guys were somewhat annoying, we had an amazing christmas xx

oscarpiastri: please do not bother us until march

charles_leclerc: fine. but we're still on for the double date in melbourne?

charles_leclerc: (maybe triple? idk ollie can just bring kimi)

kimiantonelli: score !!!

yourusername: we would love to !

oscarpiastri: i guess you could meet my actual family ?

charles_leclerc: not now oscar, let me enjoy chritmas with you all before you remind me of that

oscarpiastri: okay?

user35: y/n and oscar actually have the patience of saints because if these clowns crashed my christmas i'd be on the news

yourusername: any christmas is perfect with him

oscarpiastri: with y/n, i can get through even the most annoying people

user35: okay yall didn't have to flex on me that hard damn

fin.

note: here's day six! i'm not sure if you guys saw my update post but this series won't be done by christmas day but will stretch to NYE because unfortunately my cat has to be put down :( i've had him for nearly 19 years and it's really hard to think about him being gone so i'm just spending as much time as possible with him atm. anyway, i hope you enjoyed !! xx