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judasgot-it · 1 year ago

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Originally wrote this for an ask but it REALLY strayed from the prompt (rip) and I also I feel like I actually did Dazai SO dirty here but idk.

But anyway I'm uploading another depressed Dazai/reader fic because HELLLLLL YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Also this shit is like 2000 words so it's one of my longer fics on this account ig.

In the morning Dazai always liked to lie around in his bed - to languish in the filth that was his apartment just for a moment, to let his mind sit trapped in the cage that was his body. He would wait until the sunlight would get too bright, the light peeking past a certain spot in the curtains and begin to burn his exposed skin.

That was when he felt that he would get the ability to truly wake up, even if all he did was just the bare minimum that morning. Today all he could manage was to brush his teeth and tousle his oily hair around as he stared at his own reflection through his dirty mirror - he was still in his clothes from yesterday, which wasn't noticeable with a little bit of perfume.

A part of him hated himself for it, always had. It was disgusting to walk around like this, to live like this.

But this was just how Dazai always was.

He could only hope that you wouldn't judge him too harshly when you came to pick him up for work that morning. It felt like pulling nails out of his skin as he stood in his bathroom, thinking about every flaw you could see and possibly hate him for.

His skin was looking dull, with razor bumps along the bottom of his jaw that wouldn't go away no matter what he did, even though he hadn't shaved that morning. He had a small 5 o' clock shadow that he knew would get worse throughout the day - maybe if he kissed you like he did in his dreams, you would feel disgusted by how rough it would feel against your own skin.

The one thing he loved and hated about you was that he could never predict how you would react to something. And this morning it drove him especially insane as he waited to hear your knock on the door.

Had he not promised you breakfast he would have gone for something to cool his nerves. The best he could do for now as he walked into the kitchen was a glass of water, although his half empty bottle of whiskey was glaring down at him like an angry child.

Still slugish, he waited. He knew traffic would be light today, so you should be there soon. Lazily he watched his clock on the wall, not even bothering to watch the time.

5:45 AM. You knocked.

Lazily, Dazai approached the door. He tried to keep himself relaxed, although a part of himself wanted to scream and jump as his eyes took in your figure from behind the door. The light from behind the door was bright, and his dark eyes wanted to squint, to cower away.

Giving you that impression made Dazai feel like he was pulling his own teeth out.

“Y/n. Good morning.”

“Doesn't really seem like a good morning for you, now does it?”

Dazai blinked at you.

“Sorry?“

He looked down as you pressed something towards his chest. It took him a moment to process that it was a gift bag, for what occassion he couldn't quite recall. He looked right back up at you, trying to get an answer from you with a strained smile. You only responded with a smirk.

”Open it?“

”I was planning on that. But for what reason?“

He shifted through the contents a bit, trying to pull back the wrapping paper as little as possible so he could tell what the gift was without forcing you to see his disappointment.

In his current state he couldn't even bring himself to feign joy at a present he at least knew wouldn't have any sort of use or meaning to him.

To most people he wouldn't care about it, but to you, a frown on your face caused by his actions would bring something akin to a sort of sadness to him. A creeping crawling sadness that would never leave him, forcing him to remember that expression to his grave.

He didn't want to hurt you, not even in a moment this small. You felt big and important.

“Oh. Didn't you get my message?”

Your tone had changed - it was wet, despite the smile you wore on your face.

Dazai wanted to lie and make that tone disappear, but he felt compelled to tell the truth for once in his life. He pulled the bag closer to his chest, keeping him grounded in some way.

“I'm sorry Y/n, but it's not my birthday. Or am I forgetting something?“

You shook your head, stepping closer into Dazai's space.

”No, I know that it's not your birthday today. Did you read my message?“

Looking between your eyes, he tried to give the impression he was making eye contact - the last thing he wanted to do right now. Right now he wanted to curl up and let the crawl underneath his skin consume him, but all he could do was smile as he tried to form an honest response to your question.

”Well um. My phone was dead last night, so I didn't really check any messages.“

Not a lie. But it was flimsy, given the importance.

He dared looked down to your eyes, which were gentle in the moment - not even giving him the glare he usually would get in these sorts of moments.

It was mystifying to him to feel your hand on his arm and feel you brush past him, walking into his disgusting apartment. He couldn't even react as you stepped inside, past shoes thrown about the entrance and past the old takeout containers that stayed rotting on his floor for months on end.

You looked back at him as you found the best thing to sit on inside of his apartment - an old torn up bar stool that he had stolen some years ago. There was a story behind it, but Dazai was more concerned over the fact that you could see the stacks of papers strewn across the small kitchen counter, or the half empty beer bottles or the unwashed landry that laid around on his floor.

All of it was visible from that stool, and he knew your eyes were drinking in every single part of it.

All of his disgusting human nature that he hid behind closed doors.

“Y/n.”

Dazai conceded, closing his front door and standing there like a child scolded by his mother.

“What was the message you sent last night?”

He wanted to push for more, and beg if it was important or not - what the gift in his hands was really meant to be. A part of him wanted to scream at you and kick you out of his apartment as if he were a scorned wild animal - but he shoved that anger down deep into the closet of his mind.

You looked at him, your face completely serene. Despite the powerplay you had taken, a part of you was still visibly nervous, your hands picking at old crust embedded onto his countertop.

“I asked you if you wanted to go out with me.“

A piece of the crust came off, flicking itself somewhere off onto his dirty floor.

”Like. On a date. A romantic one.“

You glanced up at him, brave enough to meet his eyes. There was embarrassment and shame in your own now, but you held steady in your position.

”Is that what the gift was? You got me chocolates?“

Slowly you nodded, your hair glowing despite the lowlight of his apartment. Dazai clutched the bag to his chest, feeling the box inside crumple slightly due to his mishandling.

”Y/n, I'm uh.“

Dazai's mouth felt dry as he tried to find a way to word his apology. There was a pain that wouldn't go away, cold and unwavering in on his skin - and he knew it was all in his head as he looked right at your face, one that desperately tried to hide your disappointment.

”I know you don't love me, so why all of this? This isn't right.“

A moment of silence. Sitting there, you blinked. Letting his words simmer in your silence.

”How do you know that?“

”Well, don't you like Kunikida? You know, Mr.Right?“

You snorted, finally breaking your gaze away from Dazai's nose.

”Just because you know everything Dazai doesn't mean you know me. Kunikida is great, but we would never work like that. You should know that, Mr. Genius.“

The brunette couldn't help but snort, a part of him relieved.

”I like you. That's why I asked you out.“

”That's still stupid.“

Dazai finally felt more comfortable in his own skin again, enough to let himself lean against the wall, still clutching the bag of chocolates to his chest as if it were a lifeline.

”My feelings are stupid?“

You were trying to not sound hurt.

”No, no. Liking me is stupid. I won't live long Y/n. Why would you ever want to like me. Want to date me?”

You shook your head, as if shaking off the words he just said.

“I don't believe that. You aren't stupid and you've lived this long, so I want to see you live longer.”

The barstool screeched as you moved to stand up, moving closer to Dazai as you tried to articulate your words, fidgeting with your hands as you did so. It was like writing that text all over again but now you could see his face in real time, which terrified you even more.

“I don't want to like you, I didn't even choose that - you just are likable. Dazai, you are a good person even if you don't think you are.”

Dazai furrowed his brows and looked away from you, trying to pretend that the words you said were a lie.

“Sorry if you don't like me back the same way, um.”

You fiddled with nothing, waiting for his reaction. He was blocking the doorway, and his silence was intimidating when compared with his stare.

“Y/n, you really think I'm a good person?”

Dazai stepped closer, leaving only just the right amount of space between the two of you to where you could begin to see the finer details on his tan skin.

Carefully, you nodded, knowing that in this distance you could easily headbutt the poor man if you weren't careful.

“Even if I told you about the things I did, you would still think I'm a good person?”

Again, you slowly nodded, a smile breaking your face apart as if what he said was a joke. He killed people, and you thought it was a joke?

“Do you know the things that I've done?”

You stared at him for a moment.

“Are you actually gonna be brave enough to tell me?”

There was a hand on his arm, warm and grounding. He looked at your smiling eyes, warm and inviting. It was as if he was standing in the sun, cold and shivering.

“I don't know. But Y/n, I've done terrible things before. Nothing you would have seen at the agency. There's a reason I deserve to die-”

“No one should die.”

You cut him off, your grip tighter, shaking him as if trying to shake away the cold feeling underneath his skin. To bring your warmth into his bones.

“Dazai, I'm not leaving until you give me an answer. Please.”

His throat was dry as he swallowed nothing.

“I do like you. But don't you deserve better?”

“I am as bad as you are.“

Shaking his head, Dazai put his hand on your shoulder, shaking you slightly.

“No you aren't, seriously you don't know what you're talking about Y/n.”

“If you're a bad man Dazai, then so am I. You aren't changing my feelings just because you regret things you've done.”

The two of you were close, almost sweating from the warmth of his apartment retained from the summer heat, combined with your combined body heat. It reminded you that you had personal space, although looking at Dazai you wanted to keep him close, to shake whatever was wrong with him out of his head and try and just hold him close.

It was an impossible thought, not realistic but it was something nice to think about. “All we're doing is talking in circles right now. Dazai.”

”I can keep going.“

”It's infuriating.“

”Then why do you like it?“

”Cause you're you. And you like me too.”

Dazai tried to hide his face despite how close the two of you were. It was futile, as you could still see the nervous smile on his face.

“That's semantics, actually.”

“No, you did say it. So.“

”So?“

A shrug. There was a smile on your face despite how nonchalant you tried to act, as if this was something that happened to you every day.

”We're going to go on a date. After you shower.“

Dazai blinked, his hand nervously clutching your sleeve. He didn't even realize he was still holding onto your shoulder as he fiddled with the soft fabric.

”Today?“

You nodded, your smile becoming mischevious.

“You could have had more time to prepare if you read my message, but now we're here instead. Don't worry, I'll wait for you.”

Taking a step back from the little world the two of you had made, you took in all of Dazai for a second - clothes from yesterday, his dischevled clothes and his tired looking eyes. You held his hands in you hands as you moved to take the bag of choclates from his as you moved to put it somewhere safe from his mess of a home.

Dazai watched you, still processing the scene before him.

”Where do you want to go have a date at?“

”We'll figure it out. First, go shower.“

Dazai snorted, the closest he had to a real laugh in a while.

Yeah this is a stupid classic "oh they get together confession thing" but i wanted to idk write another dazai depression fic. i strayed too far from the prompt ig. sorry !!!

#dazai x reader #bsd x reader #bsd #bsd dazai #bsd x y/n #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x you #i shouldve given it a sad ending but i cant bring myself to write that

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kandadze · 2 months ago

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Ep 33 loose thoughts

Poor PSJ, this is the *fourth* time now... and the last 😭 I love these star-crossed siblings so much. "Live on well." I sure fucking hope she can, drama!!!

Our guys are also very much Going Through It, and in a way I'm glad that we haven't been forced to see even more of WZY's gloating, I literally feel like flinging things at my screen when it shows his repulsive face.

Looking at ZYC and LL huddled together, ZYC hesitating to go along with the plan because it would mean LL dying, I'm again nearly crying at what could've been and now will never be. (Only in fix-it fics, I guess. At least we have that, right?)

The sound I made when LL wrapped his hand around ZYC's neck (as you do). Like I'm pretty sure that if there are any kinksters in the fandom, at least some of them will agree with me that ZYC and LL's interactions are the most physically charged, whether they fight each other or team up, and from brutal thrashing to this almost sensual neck hold, there's so much going on between them; they tick off so many boxes for me, personally. And the actors are selling it - just look at TJR's face during the power transfer moment, it's perfection. Ahem. (It doesn't hurt that his chemistry with YA is off the charts.)

Holy shit turns out he can just *send* his energy from the distance, he didn't have to touch ZYC at all...

Okay, I'm back on track and crying over him gifting ZYZ the rest of his power, leaving ZYZ in ZYC's care, giving ZYC the Truth Eye (!!!), and just basically marching off to his death, all to protect them and help them win...

Gods, their faces are killing me.

"I hope you can see the world clearly." I immediately flashed back to Ashitaka in Mononoke Hime, whose whole modus operandi is exactly that. I think ZYC has always had that quality, and especially since the nightmare breaking sequence in ep 6, he's never shied away from seeing things as they are (unless it's a shapeshifter demon pretending to be WX, I guess, but he learned really quickly lol).

Awwwww goddamnit ZYZ's faaaace! ZYC supporting him (and preventing him from going after LL)! LL's vow in the voice over! His last call to ZYC! Fuckkkk I hate it here 😭😭😭

(Also LL's true form! Loved it 😭😭😭)

The whole sequence with ZYZ putting wings on ZYC and then adding his attack to ZYC's was something else. Jaw on the floor, stopped breathing, glued to the screen, and did I mentioned stopped breathing? (And the fact that "yì," wing, is a part of ZYC's given name, just adds more meaning and *texture* to the whole thing.)

And that short moment of Li Lun's image superimposed on ZYC, reinforcing the Truth Eye! ::rewatches immediately::

Oh gods, the relief mixed with grief as they're looking at each other. I'll never be over these two.

Oh. Oh no. Something really bad is happening. What's this barrier? Why is ZYC blocked by it at the same time as Bai Jiu, who's in a completely different place? (And where on earth *is* Bai Jiu, did he go back to Chongwu Camp? Shouldn't he and PSJ have run to the Demon Hunting Bureau? We still don't know what happened with WX!) I'm so terrified you guys, what the hellllll

(This is becoming a habit for me, but-) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, DRAMA!!!???

(I will never be able to think of phoenixes the same way...) Okay I had every right to be terrified because this is fucking terrifying. If the guy is essentially immortal then they are, essentially, fucked, and not in a good way.

Oh gods, not Bai Jiu forcing his way through the barrier as it's burning him alive 😭😭😭

Oh gods, not ZYC returning the demonic power to ZYZ as WZY is choking him!! (hands off ZYC you creep, only LL can choke him! 😝😭)

ZYZ's face!!! (Seriously, HMH's acting in this drama, he embodied ZYZ so utterly and completely and I believe every emotion and every movement and every look from him. Soooo good.)

His demonic marks are so beautiful.

Huh, he's right. How did the one-word spell that gave ZYC wings actually work? He was supposed to be immune...

They care for each other so much, this fucking hurts. The *look* ZYC gives him to encourage him! (now I need to yell about TJR's acting! AAAAAA 😭)

Bai Jiu clutching ZYC's bells as he continues to slowly, painfully so, move forward (I already said how I feel about Lin Ziye's acting, but for a good measure - AAAAA!)... and then he sees ZYC reaching out to him!!!

....................

😭😭😭

Oh gods, this was agonizing.

ZYZ just kneeling there in the snow as the ashes are swirling in the air around him, looking so broken, thinking he just killed ZYC with his spell.

And then the camera moving back to give us a wider view, just enough for us to see the hem of ZYC's garments, and his hand reaching out to ZYZ - again, always - to support him, to steady him. The way we're guided to look from their hands, shaking, clasping together, to their faces, their tears, hesitant smiles which then turn to relief and just pure exhaustion (but also wonder, because huh, the "break" spell didn't work on ZYC after all) is so, so well done. I'm still trying to calm my breathing.

And then ZYC's face when realization hits him, and cut to Bai Jiu's "goodbye." Fucking hell, of course they stopped here!

Am I gonna even survive the finale at this rate? 😭

#fangs of fortune #fof ep 33 #fof liveblogging

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1moreoffkeyanthem · 10 months ago

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I finally did it yall I made a list of my favorite Cartmanisms bc I do in fact very much enjoy writing his out of pocket ass

“Oh speaking of,” Cartman added, “let’s just sacrifice the Insulin Bitch and the brain damaged hippie to the zaliens so the rest of us can make a run for it.”

Eric was scowling. “Only I’M allowed to make comments about you two gayasses. I say we wipe the floor with those homophobes.”

“I doubt they’ll have a vest in your size, Thumbulimia.”

“Please, I have better things to do than watch the Jew have a Post Traumatic Spider Disorder episode.”

Cartman rolled his eyes, but got up to drop a five in the Fuckwad Jar. “I hate you guys, seriously. Marj, you weren’t even in the room for the Nancy joke.” The lace trim of his robe fluttered as he sat back down, which made Stan laugh again. “What’s so funny, hippie?” There weren’t really words, honestly, but he’d try. “I just… I never want us to change, you know?” “Gay.”

Eric sung a few lines of ‘Jesus Loves The Little Children’ in a creepy horror movie voice and then sprung out from his hiding spot and started blasting on an unsuspecting youth who got too close, chasing him down the field with rarely shown athleticism.

Cartman looked incredibly bored as he clicked the magazine and snapped it back into place. “Well fuck me for being prepared.”

Cartman scoffed. “He’s not doing anything but staring up at you like he’s Sleeping Goddamn Beauty and you just kissed him out of a coma.”

“Awww, looook, you guys! They’re having a gay little hurt/comfort moment again! What, you gonna kiss it better, Kahl?”

Cartman just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “What the hell ever, Jimothy. Go stutter about it to someone else.”

“Okay, fucking first of all,” Kyle shot a glare at Cartman, “no one’s getting sacrificed. Literally, that’s not goddamn happening. AND we’re keeping this discussion CIVIL. It’s five in the morning and nobody’s slept very much. There’s not a single guy here who’s actually thinking straight.” “That would be because half of you are gay as balls.”

“Once again, I’m moving that we leave the hippie behind.” “Cartman, remind me to kick your ass when we’re out of here.” “Good luck on that if you fucking faint like one of those stupid goats again.”

Cartman was out of bullets, but he’d taken out a good chunk of the extraterrestrial undead. “Holy shit, Kahl, you better not die on us. Cockroach, remember? You’re a damn cockroach.”

“Aight, so anyway, what’s JewBot up to?” “Still at work. He’ll be home later. We’re gonna go out to dinner with the Tuckers.” “I didn’t ask for your life’s story, buttplug,”

“Oh JESUS CHRIST!!” Oh, great. Cartman had emerged from his cave. “Did I just walk into a stairwell orgy?”

“Fuck you, Kahl. Your recycled dildo and his weirdo wingman pulled me out of a Klance slowburn.” “WHO the FUCK is reading Voltron fanfiction in 2023?!” “Some of us are dedicated.”

Eric paused his self imposed quest to rob every taco truck in GTA and set aside his controller. “Hellllll no. The vampires don’t get my blood without paying me for it.”

“Geez, pack it up, Fiddler On The Roof.”

“Fatass, if he dies in a car accident because YOU made him freak, I WILL kill you.” “Good luck doing that with one leg and a fever, fleshlight.” But his voice softened. “Just try to chill out until he gets home, Kahl. Then you can be a terrible patient for someone who actually likes you.”

“Yeah, hippie. I wasn’t going to deal with you if something happened to your burning bush.”

A certain abrasive fuckwad leaned casually against the wall. “Oh, the Bubonic Jew didn’t tell you yet? I said he fell on the stairs, didn’t I? He just hurt his knee again, what else is new.” Stan made a noise of surprise and Cartman pointed his beef jerky at him. “By the way, I really don’t get why you get so stoked about lugging him around. He’s difficult.”

Cartman scurried off to inspect a leaf. “Woah, you guys! I think I just, like, discovered empathy!” “You’re looking at a plant.” “Plants have feelings too, Khal! Look at your photosynthesizing dildo back there!”

“Like he needs an excuse to get on his high horse about shit.” “I’ll kick your fat ass,” Kyle warned. “Good luck, tinkerbell.”

Cartman had planted himself into the passenger seat, munching away at that bag of funyuns. He glanced back. “What’s the ‘sitch, Ken-Possible?”

“Because, you pussy,” Cartman said with a false saccharine smile, “you have the biggest TikTok following from your gayass little songs.

“Yep.” Cartman said through a mouthful of eggs. “Plus, Clyde has an affair going with the town vet, Butters is a total twink, and Stanny boy has a boner for the Jew.”

Oh dear god. Cartman was NOT about to babysit the argumentative dickhole while the housekeeper worked. As much fun as he was to fight with, Kyle was a fierce opponent, and Cartman wasn’t really in the mood. He’d had a weird night. The cats had been on edge.

Oh, of goddamn course. The OTHER buttplug. It wasn’t a secret. Well, technically it was, because no one talked about it, but anyone with eyeballs could see that Stan and Kyle had a gayass little private relationship going on behind Craig’s back. Good for them, or whatever, but if the Spider ever got proof…

Cartman just rolled his eyes. “Scott, you glucose gobbling ass bitch, I’ve literally butchered two people. I know the human body, okay?”

“The fuck.” Cartman’s eyes widened. “Every single one of you dildos had better be praying that there’s no internal bleeding.”

Cartman put his hands up. “Gahdamn, you guys. Just trying to lighten the mood in this hot air balloon to Hell.”

“Ay! Hippie! The Jew had to stay for basketball so I’m here with your buttfucking homework-“

Cartman definitely wanted to rip on him for wallowing in his own sadness, but the sooner he got this loser to be a person again, the better. “No shit, asshole. Your fucking fleshlight is even more intolerable without you to hold him back. You need to come back to school.”

“Also, I’m telling your little prince of Egypt that he can come over. It’s not like he’s gonna catch your Sad Bitch Disease.”

Cartman strolled around the corner, now wearing his frilly ‘widow whose husband died under mysterious circumstances’ robe.

#he’s so fucking funny #i actually love writing my favorite abrasive fuckwad #south park #eric cartman #why are so many of these OJV or from ITTG lmaooo #him in TWITR was fun too #my shit #Cartmanisms #ao3 shit #my writing #he do be callin people buttplugs fleshlights and dildos #also #long live the Fuckwad Jar

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buggotbrain · 1 year ago

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bowie jatt really done pissed me off, i did NOT know they were treating felicia and cirie like this? planning to do psychological warfare on fe ? she was right they can burn in hellllll

#bb25

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cooltrainererika · 1 year ago

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IT’S BEEN LITERALLY TWO DAYS SINCE 2024 STARTED WHAT THE HELLLLLL

😭

Fortunately everyone survived this time but WTFFFFF

Major earthquake info as a plane burns on screen… 2024, everyone.

#current events #Japan

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singersalvaged · 10 months ago

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[ help ] sender runs to receiver when they scream for help ( for allie ! )

@aintashes hellllll yeeeeah

SEARING BLASTS OF TORTURE RIPPED THROUGH HER LEG, feeding pain to her in waves of overwhelming burning. Burning and naked, unrepressed need for salvation. Metal scraped aggressively into her flesh and from the teeth blood trickled down to the forest foliage that she sat in. Prying her calve from the contraption proved impossible and after a few screams Allie began to whimper at the thought of being left as a whopper deluxe for nearby scavengers. The only question being whether the feasters would be human, beast, or something in between.

The sight of him nearly brought wishful tears to her eyes. Sky blues broke up the heavy dirt on her face from falling in the mud and muck of recent rainfall. Though he came close, she dared not adjust in fear of further damage.

"Oh god, Daryl, help! Help please! My leg - it's caught. I don't know how to fucking get this thing open!" though she'd seen one on a few occasions Allie never resorted to knowledge of opening a closed bear trap. The rusted gadget had been dull and therefor all the more callous. Upon his advancement she quieted down, worried her noise would create heightened disturbance. "I... I didn't see it. Be careful."

#a: allie smith #aintashes #when I tell you that I'm excited oooooweee #hope you like it!

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laventadorn · 2 years ago

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TNER is my new obsession, I’m devouring it one slow burn chapter at a time

yessss come and join us in slow burn hellllll

#laventadorn replies #i’m gene wilder in this scenario

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clatoera · 2 years ago

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okay first off good luck with ur exam you got this! the clato gods are WITH YOU.

MAINLY BECAUSE OF THAT AMAZING CHAPTER MY GOOOODDDDDDDDDDD....

the greatest minds of my generation were lost to miscommunication trope </3 rest in peace glim glam you should've listened to finnick for once omfg... (i am clinically delusional so i believe that finnick and glimmer did some telepathy and they're overplaying the miscommunication as to not endanger cato and clove mainly because of catos sister) (i am smarter than everyone! this is my delusion! and i will own it!!!)

SPEAKING OF GLIM GLAM... im reaching into your fanfic and picking her out of there and putting her into my pocket where no one will touch or see her ever again </3 none of you deserve her wtf....... let her be a mother to beautiful kids with blonde hair and green eyes omfg!!!

ALSO currently my new canon is: peeta, a mastermind, watching marvel soften up the crowd to the loss of victor babies: IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE BABY!!! i have no idea if this was intentional but i love how they tie each other perfectly. they are my little snookums.

the interviews were SO heartbreaking and i know we've talked about the lore of the games of marvel&glimmer before BUT I NEVER EXPECTED THIS... WHAT DA HELLLLLL. finnick winning the games at 14, glimmer at 15.... oh they're sick oh they are twisted!!!!!! clove reminiscing about her mother, her not being able to see enobaria to say goodbye, can you kill me any more????? can you???? TURNS OUT YOU COULD. WHAT DA HELLLLLL WAS THE LAST SECTION OF THEM REALIZING THEY DONT WANT TO BE VICTORS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

you have officially killed me. i am dead. i didn't survive the great war. my ass is not burned for the better. it's officially over. (it hasn't even begun)

Oh I was WAITING For you to get ahold of this one bestie, I thought some things might float your boat so to speak. Also thank you for your confidence in me because I was SLAUGHTERED by Peds today that exam WAS the Hunger Games i'm not even joking like i was one of the mf tributes fighting the kids in that exam.

You know...you can believe that they're telepaths! Or you can believe that Glimmer has been betrayed enough times (especially by men) that she was just like oh another one nothing new! They're all the same in the end!! And her and Finnick (and Johanna) are going into this at odds! Woo!

well SPEAKING OF SPEAKING of GLIM GLAM... I would also like to protect her in a little pocket and keep her all safe. She deserves to be safe and at peace and :) She has let go of that dream of her blonde green eyed babies, she has long since given up on that because it would never have been safe for them!! Did she DESERVE to get to live her life in peace as a happy little lady? Yes. Is that what she got? Unfortunately no, she'll be going into the arena tomorrow!! She can have her sweet lil cute babies in her dreams and at least know they will never go into the games and face the repeated abuse that she has!!

Listen. When I say everything is chess not checkers in this. It is. I have a long post about it, but I have a lot of opinions on the irony of the games and the way the capitol react to Peeta Mellark and his baby bomb. And Marvel isn't a mastermind but he can read a mf room, he's charismatic, and he can also pick up on damn you know what these people would have eaten UP? Pitting our kids against each other! Haha! Your loss right? you dont get to watch our kids that we would raise and love get kill each other! 100% YOUR loss Capitol :). While Peeta was going to say it anyway... they're really hitting us with the haha! what a terrible loss! I know y'all are so sad about theoretical kids!!! The real ones are uh!!! not important right now!! Remember that!! Theoretical = good, pure, must be protected. 12-18 year olds? Sacrifice :)

.....Surprise! It got worst! 15 year old Glimmer immediately thrust into a life of abuse and sex trafficking :) She's been suffering 7 long years, her and Finnick are trauma bonded besties atp!

Clove misses her mom and doesn't say it ever but losing her mother at 3 absolutely fucked her up in unimaginable ways that she does not yet know and will not know for many years!! Theres a lot of trauma to unpack! And now once again losing the like..adult woman figure in her life without a goodbye! No hard feelings are going to be stirred up no ma'am!

And then!

The rooftop!! Is my favorite scene in the whole fic thus far. Glimmer's melancholia. Clove's life of loss! It isn't that they don't want to be victors they don't mind being victors! They don't want to be victors in a world without each other! They don't want to be victors in a world where they are alone and have lost the people they care about, the people they love! They're not the blood thirsty violent careers they once were! Now they are adults who have faced life and love and things after the games!! Their priorities have shifted! What is the point of victory if you just face abuse and lonliness!! Meaning of life and all that!! IF they're going out they are going out together!

Bestie I was about to say. I do not know how to tell you this. But you are suffering..and the war has not yet begun. Hell, who knows who will even be alive to see the START of the war (I know :) ) We WILL be going back to that bloodshed crimson clover sweet dream is OVER :)

thank you bestie i am GLAD you are not dissapointed <3 even if you are... sad <3

@emerquaid

#arwbfb tag #arwbfb reactions #clato #glim glam and marbles

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