#bumpin uglies

[saltybeardedtxnplaylist]

Underdog (Acoustic)

I've got scars and demons

Forming feelings

I can’t shake

I won’t live forever

And I’m never

Going to change

[sugarplumskully]

Thick Thighs & Evicerated Eyes 👁

[itscauseimbatman]

Paranoia paranoia digging in her claws

Got me running from my shadow and terrified of breaking laws

Anxiety is grabbing me to stare me in the face

Reminding me of my mortality and if I lose this race

[420seedless]

Bumpin Uglies at Asbury Lanes

[malrie]

when u recontextualize jasiper into it not working out in the end yet at the same time still have it be real meaningfully and full heartedly as a true first love (no matter what that entails) it makes it all the more sweeter and when they do eventually break up bc they’d be the most amicable exes in the world. they used to go on picnics and cut up watermelons for each other and do the most cliche romantic things in the world and it was sweet and good and genuine and when it’s over they appreciate each other for that experience and can move on knowing they held love for each other…

[thelastofhyde]

spring break.

pairing. joel miller x fem!reader

synopsis. joel miller knows how to take advantage of being tommy's brother- aka he skips out on patrol to fuck you.

warnings. no use of y/n, pwp, established relationship, jackson!joel, teacher!reader, smut ( softdom!joel, unprotected piv, creampie, hair pulling, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, ig a little bit of breath play/suffocation??, implied cum eating/cumplay/cunnilingus )

word count. 841

hyde’s input. have this porn with plot as an apology for the fact i've still not posted chapter three of psecds.

read on ao3.

joel miller is late for patrol.

as a matter of fact, he has no intention of showing up at all. because why on earth would he bother himself with mounting his horse, when he's got his girl spread on all fours?

"see, told ya he'd take a hint eventually."

all of him is warm- his skin on your skin, his breath on your neck. somewhere between your second and fourth orgasm, you've melted into the worn mattress of his bed, face burrowed in the earthy scents of his sweated-out sheets. he's followed you down, the heavy weight of his body the perfect blanket to comfort you from the world beyond joel's bedroom.

"tommy, he's uh- fuckin' christ darling, he's smart like that," he's barely thrusting at this point, hips as aching as the slow pace his pulsing cock ruts into you, each roll forcing your swollen clit to grind down onto the soaked sheets. "'s probably tellin' em all i'm sick or sumn."

and he is sick.

sick in the head, not even flinching as he went from pounding into your sopping cunt- one hand on your hip and the other tangled in your hair, pulling your back into the perfect arch- to shoving your face down and muffling your protests the second tommy's knocking began to ring through the house, too blinded by a hunger-filled lust to see the sense in your encouraging words to go with tommy, do your part for the community.

he'd not meant for things to go so off the rails, honestly. all he'd wanted was a peaceful moment to indulge in the privilege of waking up to you for once. no early patrols stealing him away, none of your teaching duties forcing him to wake up cold and alone. he pulled you closer, tightened his hold around your waist and nuzzled his face deeper into the crook of your neck.

"straight out of heaven, that's what you are," the squelching of your soaking pussy fills the cosy room, remnants of previous orgasms painting a mess between your sweaty, sticky bodies. "my guardian angel, my girl."

but moments like this are so rare as of late. the pair of you hardly get days to yourselves. hell, you barely get any hours to yourselves. between jackson and it's people's incessant need to hold community activities, and ellie running rampant around the house whilst joel's working on making a living space out of the garage for her, and the countless hours of working you both find yourselves caught up in, joel's lucky to get a few desperate moments of "bumpin' uglies" before passing out for the night.

so how could he not seize this opportunity- an ellie-free house for once, a later than usual patrol shift, the school closed for spring break- and get himself tangled up in you, pretty and pliant in your freshly awakened state?

"c'mon, pretty baby," he's a cruel torturer, his gentle coo in your ear contrasting the returning vigour to his thrusts. it's a wonder the windows have yet to fog up. "show me how grateful you are to take this cock and give me one more, yeah? just one, s'all i'm askin'."

just one, a part of you feels like he's lying.

every part of him knows he's lying.

but you do as he asks, always. your toes curl, your breathing stops, your walls flutter and squeeze and cream around his cock for a fifth time. joel fucks you through it, always, soft hands soothing your burning skin. a few deep, brutish thrusts later and he follows suit, warmth filling you as he spills his cum inside you.

searching for air, you twist your neck to the right and free yourself from the mattress below. joel takes this as an invite to plant a wet, sloppy kiss against your cheek, the untrimmed ends of his greying beard scratching your skin just right.

it's blissful, and worth it, even if it means joel's left the team down one pair of hands on the patrol.

joel peels himself off you with a pleasured sigh, your limbs stretching out the aches in your muscles, freed at last from joel's lustful attack.

"make me lunch," you don't bother posing it as a question. he'll do whatever your will is, no questions asked. that's just the kind of man he's become, has always been. "since you're playing hooky at your real job."

he grumbles something behind you, hands soothing over the back of your thighs. his curiousity must get the best of him, trailing those big capable hands of his up to the globes of your ass and stretching them apart. cold air meets your pussy as his cum seeps out your seam, a pearly white slipping down your folds. you wince in discomfort. joel groans in frustration.

"gimme a second, angel," a kiss lands on your spine. a couple more follow right after, traveling lower each time. "gotta get my own fill first."

his tongue is warm as he licks a stripe up your cunt.

[stevmarie]

I did not put it in TWIU, I merely referenced it.

I mean, he played an entire Frank Sinatra album while he made love to Gajeel, Elvis is the obvious next step…

Don’t look at me like that, Laxus is an old fashioned man, of course he listens to Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra.

Yes I know Mashima said he likes rock music.

No I don’t take constructive criticism.

Someone needs to tell me not to put “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” by Elvis Presley into TWIU

[hypotheticalpeople]

conservative cishet man scared that phytoestrogens are affecting his body and trans woman scared that concentrated bioidentical estradiol isn’t really affecting her body... bumpin’ uglies!

[fishhavetoes]

Steve who has a thing for mustaches.

Steve who comes home after a long day at work, and walks into his bathroom hoping to take a nice shower before bed. Steve who almost jumps out of his skin when he sees a certain cute metalhead staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

With his face in his hands Steve groans. “Eddie, what have I told you about breaking into my house?”

The metal head pouts and turns to Steve.

“But Stevie it was important. You wouldn’t want me sad, would you pretty boy?”

And Steve… well Steve can’t really stay mad. Not when the guy he’s been having… non platonic feelings about… is staring at him with that face. That cute face. Often hot face. Sometimes sexy face. Okay, Steve thinks, i need to stop before I get carried away.

Steve realizes he’s been zoned out on Eddie’s lips when he clocks the expectant look on his face. Steve backtracks the conversation in his mind before he gets what Eddie’s waiting for.

“Okay, what’s so important that you had to break into my house at 8 pm for?”

Eddies face turnes slightly embarrassed and nervous, and he rushes out “IKindaWannaGrowAMustacheButIFeelLikeIdLookStupid”

And Steve’s brain stopped working. His cheeks turned pink and his eyes grew wide. All he can think of is Eddie with a mustache. His mind is racing with all the guys who helped him realize his bidentity. Freddie Mercury, Tangerine from Bullet Train, Jack from This Is Us, the list goes on (authors note: no it doesn’t, I’m lazy).

Eddie, somehow, takes this as a bad sign. He starts fidgeting and not making eye-contact. He starts rambling.

“Well I mean, I guess it’s a silly idea, and I don’t have to, I just thought, maybe, maybe you would know? If I looked good? Not that you look at me. Well not that you don’t look at me, I mean - I know you look at me because I look at you. Well I don’t look at you. I mean not like that. I just mean-“

Eddie turns bright red. He has no words left. He has no excuses. Nothing more to say.

Steve, for his part, try’s, he really does, to be normal about it.

“NO! No I think, I think mustaches are great. I love a guy with a mustache. Not that I love you! I mean, I mean I do but like, Yk. I just mean like I’d totally go down on a guy with a mustache Yk? Not that I’d go down on you! I mean I would! But only if you’re okay with it!!!”

They stare at each-other. The low hum of the bathroom light drones on in the background.

Eddie blinks, and let’s out a shaky breathe, and says “I am”

Steve just blinks and tilts his head (golden retriever lookin ass, smh), “you are what?”.

“I’m okay with it”

“Okay with what?”

“Stevie” Eddie looks genuinely pained, “work with me here big boy”

“Ed’s I literally don’t understand what you’re trying to say. What are you okay with?”

“I’m okay with you going down on me. Going to pound town. Doing the bedroom tango. Bumpin uglies. Adult slip n slide” (this is funny, you’re welcome)

Both of the poor dudes faces are getting redder by the minute.

Steve looks up, sighs, and reaches out, lightning fast to grab Eddie’s shirt and pull him closer. He can feel the older boys breath against his mouth. He likes it, he can feel how much he likes it. And when he surges forward and they end up against the wall pushing into each other, he can feel how much the other boy likes it too.

Eddie ends up growing a mustache.

~~~~

This is the mustache. Baby girl tangerine for life.

[spunkyspy]

MJ and Cam bumpin uglies during the movie while Kimo and Rubina come up with 47 new voices to talk in

[chordsykat]

Just curious, are Nita and Caj and Cherry the only of the Baen Shee members who get shipped with people? Or are Sparkles and Murderface supposed to be interpretted romantically? And does Eden have anyone?

Nita and Caj have each other, Cherry is in denial about her feelings for Pickles (and anybody probably), and Eden is asexual at this point in her life for all I can tell. That said, if anyone is out there reading into the Sparkleface thing as bumpin' uglies on the regular, I'm in full support.

[kaxen]

Trying to explain aro-ace relationships puts me in a wild tug-o-war between "I don't give a shit if you get it" and "THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THEY HAVE DIBS ON EACH OTHER" and this mood:

Human relationships do not make sense, but even some otherwise sensible people I know are really fuckin' weird thinking you can never have as deep a level of a devotion if you aren't bumpin' uglies.

[420seedless]

[hazelfoureyes]

ALL OF THEMMMMM but particularly the alleyway bumpin’ uglies one. His horns?? Scraping the wall??? Him just LOSING HIS MINDDDDDD. Delicious.

I’m so glad you liked that detail! the idea of him just… entirely losing composure and unraveling GETS ME EVERY TIME AAAAH I need to see this man DISHEVELED 👏

[bananastarion]

It's a good thing nobody can read my mind, because the whole time I'm doing tedious, menial tasks at my job I'm thinking about bumpin' uglies with Astarion. I get so hot and bothered I have to go into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. The worst is when a customer interrupts me mid fantasy and I have to suddenly snap out of it and switch back to customer service mode... the whiplash is unreal, but I have nobody but myself to blame T_T

[pinkrangermemes]

lyrics from some of my favorite FNAF songs

"So many years, so many dark memories."

"Alone and afraid for, oh, so long, wondering: what did we do wrong?"

"I feel sick to my stomach, or am I sick in the head?"

"You are the answer the prayers whispered in the dark."

"Can you repair a broken heart?"

"Just do as you're told and you'll be fine."

"It only stings for a moment, but it's worth all the pain."

"I'm sure you've heard disturbing rumors how things in the night go bumpin'."

"Beware nightmares, they come to life."

"You'll come to realize evil doesn't die."

"I hate this place. We should burn it, man!"

"You didn't know what you were getting into."

"There's a figure in the hall."

"Stay calm. Stay calm."

"That's fine. I'm fine."

"Something's crawling through the vent."

"They just may drive me crazy."

"I can see their second skin."

"In the end there's only me."

"Listen close. Follow my instructions."

"He was the one that made us."

"You'll be the one to save us."

"Are you feeling nervous?"

"His voice means to deceive you."

"My voice just wants to lead you."

"Did we deserve this?"

"Something's creeping closer."

"There's no one left to find you."

"I was left behind."

"I was never all that kind."

"We are just moments away from letting your worst nightmares come out to play."

"Do you even have a clue?"

"Seems you're just a oblivious."

"I'm just feeling like I'm falling down."

"There's a place in the dark horror stories go to hide."

"You can pretend it's make - believe inside your head."

"This nightmare is as real as it gets."

"It's where fear comes to life."

"Monsters in the dark won't show you no restraint."

"Behind friendly eyes, there's a face that hides coming for your life."

"Can you reach the end with your mind unscathed?"

"Will you live to see the light?"

"Can you outrun your demise?"

"How can we ever be free, when our prison is skin deep?"

"Listen to the voice keeping you alive."

"We could go if we looked like you."

"That pain comes with me to my grave."

"Five nights until I descend, relapse and I'm spiraling again."

"I can't breathe and there's nowhere left to hide."

"You try to cover up the hate in you and bury all your shame."

"Nothing personal, my dear, don't be so blind."

"We had some fun but I can't stand those ugly lies."

"The last true to way to prove myself and make everything right."

"Try your best to hang on to sanity."

"We can walk you through our dark fantasy."

"We can teach you to laugh at tragedy."

"What have I done to deserve this damnation?"

"You might look at me and think you're going crazy."

"I lost it long ago. You're not alone, baby."

"There is no way out of the nightmare if you never awake."

"The only thing I can remember is the name _____."

"Truth be told, you are the most annoying, little brat."

"Everywhere you go, I will catch you."

"So listen closely if you want to make it through the night."

"You cannot make it through this night without my help."

"Put your trust in me. You have no one else."

"I feel like you are not trusting me enough."