#bullying and homophobia

[twistthescript]

June Doe 2024 Masterlist [Days 1-15]:

Here's another list that will get updated throughout the month of June Doe. With these, the title, rating, pairing (if any), basic tags, and summary will be included. If a fic contains any content warnings, those will be included too. [SOME OF THESE WILL BE CROSS POSTED ONTO OTHER MASTERLISTS]

Adoration For a Doll: Rated G; SUGARDOLLS; Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Non-Sexual Intimacy; It was terrifying when Jane first asked Constance to brush her dolly’s hair… but then why was it so soothing to do?

What's Better than Being a Doll? Creating One!: Rated T; CONTENT WARNINGS: Hospitals, Major Character Death; The expansive life of one Penny Jane Lamb and The Amazing Karnak’s Wooden Emporium… through the eyes of an old woman, a nurse, and a scrapbook.

The Ocean Trap: Rated G; Fluff and Humor; “Wait. Who’s the victim?” He asked. Penny’s grin was downright evil. “Ocean.” Based on the mattress prank from ‘The Parent Trap.’

Everyone's a Bad Influence… Ocean Would Beg to Differ: Rated T; “I have an idea!” Constance settled next to Ocean excitedly. “What if we pair up and find a new outfit for each other? Like… what if they were things we normally wouldn’t wear, but the other person would? A switch-a-roo!”

The No Good, ALMOST Horrible Birthday (That Nothing Could Ruin): Rated T; CONTENT WARNINGS: Physical Assault, Injuries, Hospitals; Nothing could ruin Ricky’s birthday, but the world certainly likes to test him anyway.

Reputation, Reputation…: Rated T; DRABBLE; Cussing, Mentions of Blood; In which a little Lamb has some thoughts about her FAVORITE musician.

Pop Goes the Jane Doe: Rated G; CRACKFIC; What if Jane had a soft plastic doll head instead of a porcelain one?

Ma'am, This is a Taco Bell…: Rated T; CONTENT WARNINGS: Bullying and Homophobia; Five times Noel Gruber is faced with rude customers at Taco Bell, and the one time he didn’t.

Time Eats All HIS Children in the End: Rated T; DRABBLE; Time was not Father Marcus’ friend. It wasn’t his choir’s either.

Cats? What's the Point?: Rated G; DRABBLE; The choir goes over to Ricky’s for movie night. He chooses Cats: The Musical. Ocean is not a fan.

Elevator Tunes: Catchy, Right?: Rated T; Fluff and Humor; The choir surprises Noel at work, only to get stuck in the elevator on the way out. Chaos ensues.

Prophecies Don't Make Sense… Until They Actually Do: Rated T; Mystery; Karnak could only bring one back, so why were they all here? Everyone was accounted for, right? RIGHT?

Birthday: Rated G; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; “Hey, Jane? What do you want to name it?” Ricky murmured, looking over. “I can name it?” Jane asked. “Sure.” He nodded, smiling at her. “It likes you.”

The Very Opposite of Fun: Rated T; An onlooker with family-friendly mode helps no one. Karnak is stuck watching the accident happen.

Time to Huff Yankee Candles (Just... After a Few Setbacks): Rated M; CONTENT WARNINGS: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mentions of Pregnancy; shopping trip with Ocean- that was all Constance wanted. Just a day to themselves… but it was never as simple as that. Not when a certain someone shows up.

{Go to Days 16-30}

[teambyler]

Will, Mike, the inevitable "they're gay" accusations they'll face, and MIKE'S CHOICE

We gay guys are known for having good fashion sense. =) Look at WILL rocking the hair and outfit!

And I realized that since we gay dudes are associated with sensible fashion choices, that Will might be bullied by homophobes in s5. So now I'm asking myself:

Does Will come out at Hawkins High? (Either on his own or he gets outed?)

I've always thought that Will's hero journey and the "emotional arc" we're promised for him will include his coming out and standing up for himself.

Add to this the theme of bullying that started in Season 1, which probably comes back with a vengeance when the Hellfire Club is blamed for opening the gate. Lucas is no longer one of the "cool kids" anymore. Everyone turns against them.

Which means our Core Four will bond once again as the "losers" they were in Season 1, but this time it's more intense.

Add to THAT the return to Hawkins of Will, who already was bullied for being gay for years. He and Mike likely become close again (and what a 'GAY' thing to do to take a kid to school together =P ), and we know that "Gay Will" will give a pining glance at Mike that someone is bound to notice.

If this show stays true to its themes and is realistic, then of course the Gay Accusations will get leveled at Mike also.

It's one of the most obvious ways to explore Mike's coming out journey. There are so many reasons for doing it this way: it signals Mike might be gay/bi to the audience naturally, it would give a reason for Mike to still not confess after learning the Painting Lie, and it forces Mike to make a choice.

We Bylers understand that Mike is dealing with internalized homophobia. He even seems to regress to his more conservative clothing from earlier seasons, maybe to try to hide from the anti-Hellfire bullying AND gay accusations.

But would our Mike let anyone harm Will? Of course not! Will this be one of the promised instances of "leader Mike" this season? (Is this how Mike gets that bruise on his face?)

Give it to us, Duffers!

Just sayin'.

-teambyler

[reasonsforhope]

do you have any good queer news? I'm a queer person and hearing all the shit thats happening across the world is making me bummed out

I do! All of this is from LGBTQ Nation's excellent good news tag

^Article date: July 6, 2023

"Only two months after its formation, the “No SB 180” initiative had succeeded at making the city of Lawrence, Kansas a sanctuary city for LGBTQ+ people. Last week, in a unanimous vote, Lawrence became the first city in the state to declare itself as such.

Ordinance 9999 bans the city and all of its employees from collecting or releasing information on a person’s “biological sex, either male or female, at birth” and from helping with any investigation, detention, arrest, or surveillance “conducted by a jurisdiction with the authority to enforce Senate Bill 180, as enacted.”"

^Article date: July 28, 2023

"A federal judge has told a group of anti-trans parents to mind their own business after the group filed a lawsuit challenging an Ohio school district’s bathroom policy.

The attempts to meddle do not “pass legal muster,” he wrote in his ruling, saying that the group has no reason to sue.

“Not every contentious debate concerning matters of public importance presents a cognizable federal lawsuit,” Judge Michael Newman wrote, denying their petition to stop the Bethel Local School District’s policy that allows a single transgender middle school student to use the restroom that aligns with her gender identity."

^Article date: August 8, 2023

"The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), the independent federal agency responsible for administering civilian foreign aid and development assistance, has released its first-ever “LGBTQI+-inclusive” policy since its founding in 1961.

The four-point policy is meant to serve as a blueprint for USAID staff and partners around the world to champion LGBTQ+ and intersex development and the human rights of all queer people through the agency’s work, said Jay Gilliam, USAID’s senior LGBTQI+ coordinator, in a video explaining the policy...

In simpler terms, the U.S. will try to improve diplomatic relationships with other countries by investing in locally-led LGBTQ+-inclusive programs that are shown to positively impact communities in need."

^Article date: August 3, 2023

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit has ruled in favor of three transgender students who were forbidden by their schools from using bathrooms matching their gender identities. The circuit court upheld a lower court’s preliminary injunction that said the schools have to let trans students use facilities associated with their genders...

The case involves three trans boys in Martinsville, Indiana and Terre Haute, Indiana, who need access to the boys’ room at their middle and high schools...

The court took into account the fact that Title IX bans discrimination on the basis of sex in schools that receive federal money, which is most of them. Citing the 2020 Supreme Court decision in Bostock v. Clayton Co. that found that job discrimination against LGBTQ+ people necessarily takes sex into account and is therefore prohibited under Title VII, the appeals court ruled that the trans boys are likely to succeed in their case and that preventing them from using the correct bathroom while the case works its way through the court system could cause irreparable harm.

^Article date: August 2, 2023

^Article date: June 21, 2023

"A federal judge has ruled on the side of trans rights after a conservative group tried to overturn an Ohio school district’s anti-bullying policy.

The national conservative group Parents Defending Education (PDE) tried to get a preliminary injunction passed on the Olentangy Local School District’s prohibition on misgendering trans students. The policy includes students, teachers, and parents and it applies to out-of-school hours and social media as well."

^Article date: August 2, 2023

There's literally a bunch more I wanted to include, by the way! Tumblr just stopped being able to load them. Going back to add a few more in the reblogs now.

I know it feels like everything is against us right now. But I promise you: that is not true. The bigots and bastards may usually be the ones moving faster (in large part because they suck and don't care about democracy or due process at all),

But in the end, we are going to win. I promise.

[catboyidia]

zayne would use his evol to make really stupid looking crows for sylus, in which sylus would show them to mephisto and tell mephisto that they were supposed to be him just to get under the poor mechanical birds feathers

[verpineshatterrifle]

omega are nice to each other because they were initially coworkers

delta, an intact pod, never had the coworker stage and have invented new ways to bully each other

[edwinisms]

it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time

[shaylogic]

Messy Masterpost: I don't have the words so here's a mess of links and ideas

@captainfantasticalright's Dead Boy Detectives: a breakdown of Dante's hell. This post is a masterpiece of understanding how the Hell/afterlife dynamics work in Sandman Universe and DBDA, and it's sent my mind buzzing like crazy

My post about Simon's book

Not just any book

Theory about Simon's brother/father? Being a part of Burgess' Cult ("Order of Ancient Mysteries")

Thank you @niko-sasaki-dbd

Ba'al ==> Sa'al

Seems like Simon may have gotten a demon-summoning book that worked from his brother who may have been involved on Burgess' cult from Sandman. He died with book in hand, and that's the one he's tearing apart on repeat in Hell. Tumblr user listed above identified what the book might be, based off the image.

This interview at 12:52 George Rexstrew answering that Edwin's favorite thing about Charles is his unconditional love and acceptance of him.

Post about Charles bearing his soul to the Night Nurse like Orpheus played music to Cerberus

Interviewer talking about "straight friend" Charles "rejecting" gay Edwin, only for George, Jayden, Beth, and Steve to stiffen up slightly. Asking about how Charles didn't have a gay panic reaction to Edwin's confession. This interviewer is actually gay and interviewed on a gay network later, which threw me after this question.

=>If Charles had really gay panic rejected Edwin, it really would have ended like Eurydice, thrust back to the pit of Hell to wallow in the internalized homophobia, rather than being released with the support and healthy love of Charles.

Actors have reiterated multiple times that the case is not closed on Edwin and Charles' romance, they're just getting started and figuring it out in the midst of all the chaos.

People are stuck in Hell because they believe they belong there but Edwin gets out the second time because Charles KNOWS he doesn't belong there! And reminds Edwin of this when he's getting pulled under in it all

Charles went back to his red polo after the confession and escaping Hell with @nerdytacollama's excellent addition on episode 7 specifically!!

Edwin's whole arc was about accepting loving and being loved and his attraction to men, and his love of his best friend, specifically

Steve Yockey saying the confession NEEDED to happen on the stairs out of Hell. One reason being that Edwin may have been too afraid to go through with it after, another being that he could get dragged away forever at any second and it could be his last chance.

[above article pic quote from this]

But also based on the Hell worldbuilding of the Sandman Universe where people only go to hell if they believe in it and believe they deserve to be there > Edwin believing his want for intimacy at all letalone with other men being "such a sinful life" (Night Nurse paperwork) > the upward climb of healthy love from the Dante's Inferno Post > Edwin HAD to confess on the stairs and be accepted! It freed him of Hell~!

Simon moved on from Hell with Edwin's mutual sorrow for the two of them and somewhat understanding/forgiveness? Maybe self-acceptance from the gay guilt

Edwin's form saying he would serve in Hell for living such a sinful life and then be reassigned to a more pleasant state (Hell not an eternal afterlife, just time served and then moving one)

[image posted in @reviewcreature's post with @melefim's addition]

If Edwin went back now, loved and accepted by his friends and himself, would he pass on to the better place?

My post wondering about reincarnation in the Sandman Universe, which others weighed in on in the comments about how it's indeed canon

The parallels of the Lust room in hell being a butcher shop with bloody hanging bodies to reflect the debauchery of bloody writhing lust bodies ===> compare to "Girls' Night" when Jenny was running and hiding from stalker Maxine in her butcher shop behind meat ===> compare Edwin's arc of accepting "sodomite sin" of being attracted to men (challenge to the epitome and catalyst (ha) by the Cat King) and him having been through the Lust room of hell before and him STARING AT THE RED BULL ON THE BUTCHER SHOP WALL (as compared to directly in the first linked post)

The purity of Charles and Edwin's love compared to that and the stereotypes of how male love is depicted in media, as George, Steve, and Jayden have spoken out against gently in multiple interviews

How it's partially childlike, partially deep friendship where two men can hug and cry, partially a crush, partially potentially reciprocally romantic

The juxtaposition of Edwin's archetypical confession to Charles on the stairs of Hell on the way out of the Limbo of it, with Maxine guilty and desperate just below them, not even looking toward the open door

Fans wondering why it was so easy to get out of Hell. The worldbuilding canon saying that Hell is what you make of it (Charles says this in the original Season of Mists Ch 4 comic, Edwin says it in episode 7 to Simon). People in Hell stuck because they feel they deserve it.

@podcastenthusiast's post about being glad Edwin didn't see Simon move on, because then he'd really wonder we he himself suffered so long

==>CHARLES got Edwin out because he KNEW he didn't belong there!!!!

They push and pull each other by the arms the whole way to the top!!!!!!!

Magical weight in the snake pit "nothing's meant to leave this place"

Charles literally dragging Edwin out of Hell for the love and devotion to him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allegory of dragging him out of his self-rejection and holding him by the face saying over and over "I love you. I accept you. I'm not leaving without you."

Openly gay producer/director Steve Yockey insisting on being the one to write Episode 7 and you can feel it in every color on the screen.

There's no higher power deciding this, despite the paperwork and minders ensuring everyone is sorted. It's an internal self-decided fate, unconscious.

I'm not gonna be able to link and list every pic and organize this in the state I'm in but--

ARE YOU SEEING ALL THE THINGS I'M SEEING?

Girl help I'm getting visions!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fairlyaccuratebully]

Gary, looking at his and Pete’s vandalized lockers: Are you serious? I got “Faggot #2” this time? You’re the sidekick, not me.

[etherealspacejelly]

are they cringe or...

are they cringe or are they just autistic

are they cringe or are they just a child

are they cringe or are they just fat

are they cringe or are they just not conventionally attractive

are they cringe or are they just queer in a way you dont like

are they cringe or do they just have an interest/hobby thats kinda niche

are they cringe or are they just disabled

are they cringe or are they just expressing themself

are they cringe or are they just EXISTING

remember kids! the only thing thats really cringe is being a bully <3

[profoundbondfanfic]

Reconstruction

Reconstruction by IncandescentUmbrage || @okayfinehereiam Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 19k

Though both are single dads, the ways by which Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester ended up there couldn't be more different: Castiel came to Sioux Falls for a fresh start when his best friend died and his godson, Jack, became his adoptive son. Dean moved to be closer to family when a one night stand turned into a surprise toddler on his doorstep. When a certain strawberry blonde spitfire stands up for Jack against the school bully, they quickly become friends. Castiel and Dean are soon in each other's orbits, only drawing closer when Dean begins doing some renovation of Castiel's home. Meanwhile, the mother of the young bully, Naomi Adler, having failed to weasel her son out of his due consequences, wages a 'holy quest' against Castiel. One she doesn't bother keeping secret. As they spend more and more time around one another, neither man can deny their attraction, but Castiel especially must decide if there is enough room in his life and heart for grief, for love of a child, and for a love of an altogether different kind.

I truly think that as a fandom, we’ve underutilized Emma as Dean’s daughter in fic. Because of that, anytime I see a story that serves that up, I have to click. In this fic, Emma is truly as described, a little spitfire, a true Winchester not only in attitude, but in heart and character. The story starts with Dean needing to bail her out of the principals office, if that’s any indication. She’s there because she stood up for Jack, so Dean can’t be all that mad given the circumstance. 

So of course, he takes her for ice cream. 

Which is the first place Jack’s new devastatingly handsome guardian lays eyes on him. 

This fic has a split POV, so we get to see their first impressions of each other, along with a great look at the way they both see each other for the first time for real, when they plan a playdate for their kids. 

Everyone in this fic is really well written, even a softer version of Dean, who is sweet and charming and a great friend and support to Cas as he begins to incorporate into their town. This story is cute, with a nice good vs evil plotline that has you cheering for Cas as he takes on the wicked Adler family. The payoff is sweet and I think this is one fic that you shouldn’t skip if you’re a fan of dadstiel. 

[bunnysnuff]

Something New.

Pairing: Nick Nelson x M!Reader x Charlie Spring.

Triggers: Poly relationship, bullying and homophobia (the q word), slurs, B*n H*pe, mentions of the word orgy.

Note: Please reach out if you are being bullied. I done my best writing this.

request.

School was a living hell.

You knew that when your relationship with Nick and Charlie went public that people would not be fully accepting about it due to not fully understanding your relationship. But you didn't expect people to be this cruel about it. It seemed that everywhere you went someone always made a comment or gave you a stare that made you feel guilty.

You knew that it hasn't been easy on Charlie and Nick either. They also have had to deal with nasty comments and the stares. You had decided to not bother your boyfriends with your issues, since they were already dealing with it.

As you pulled your stuff out of your locker, someone knocked the books out of your hands and slammed your locker shut. You were taken back by the sudden movement, you jumped back and hit your shoulder into the locker. You groaned.

Great, fucking Ben.

"Hey queer." Ben said with a wicked smirk. "Where's your orgy?"

You cringed a little as Ben got closer to your face, staring down at your books down on the ground.

Ben's friends laughed behind him.

"What? No comment. Is one dog not good enough for you?"

You continued to stare at the ground as your eyes started watering.

"Aww, is the queer gonna cry?" Ben continued to mock.

"No, but you will be when I kick your face in." A voice snapped from behind Ben.

Ben turned to see Nick and Charlie, standing there.

"Back off, Ben." Charlie snapped as he walked over and shoved Ben off You. Ben stumbled and fell into Nick, who shoved him onto the ground.

Ben's face was red with embarrassment as he slowly got up. He didn't say anything before storming off.

Immediately, you dropped to the ground and began picking up your books. Charlie helped you as Nick kneeled down beside you.

"You okay?" Charlie asked quietly. They could see a few tears running down your cheek. You nodded.

Charlie picked up your books, as Nick helped you up. He rubbed your back gently.

"You should of told us." Nick muttered.

You frowned, keeping your eyes on the ground. "I'm sorry.

"I thought we banned the S word." Charlie tried to make light of the situation. He placed your books into lockers.

Nick chuckled, pulling you close to him. He kissed your head. The two decided to skip the rest of the way with you and go to Nick's house, maybe Nellie and some food might cheer you up?

As You three walked, Nick had his arm around you while Charlie held your hand. The three of you walked in silence until you got to Nick's house.

Once the food was ordered and Nellie was comfy, they laid with you. They weren't upset you didn't tell them, they just felt bad that they didn't know.

"Thank you... For everything."

Charlie and Nick would of missed it had they been talking.

They sat up slightly, both looking at each other and smirked. They both began kissing either side of your cheek repeatedly. You laughed at the sensation.

They both pulled away and smiled at You, lacing their fingers together with yours.

"We promise, we'll never let anyone hurt you, Y/N." Charlie spoke softly as Nick hummed in agreement. "We're better together."

This was the start of your new beginnings with your boyfriends.

[hawkins-batman]

hey dude um so i saw the post you made replying to someone else's post about noah and, while i do agree with you, i don't think that you or any of the anons should be specifically finding noah antis. that just kind of starts discourse and people are allowed to express their opinions, even if they differ from yours.

i know this happened to one of my good friends recently (noihavenosanitythanksforasking) and they were kind of shook up from what happened. i'm glad that you try to educate people, and it also comes across as a bit more personal and rude than someone who just wants to help.

i'm very sorry if any of this has come across as rude, i promise that is not my intention and i'm just trying to show that those people are also just people and its not their fault that they don't have all the information. i dont know if "kindness is the key" sounds cheesy, but it is very true.

blocking them and not interacting is probably the best thing to do instead of finding them just to disagree and having anons find posts and send them to you. if you or anyone else doesn't like what someone else posts, it's best just to scroll (and even block! that is definitely an option and i see you're doing that already so good job 👍)

sorry about this ramble and when you reply to this, if you do, i just want you to know that this was sent with the best intentions and also this is not about noah, anything that happened with him, or other people's views on it. this is just about how you could deal with people with differing views from you a bit better than what you have done in the past.

kisses kisses and byler endgame, love, anon

You weren’t rude — so don’t worry! However, I am going to push back (kindly - since you were kind).

First, I suppose I should say that I don’t seek these people out. Most of them I find during my daily scrolls of socials. Other times, mutuals will link me to them, and sometimes people will send them via Ask. But I don’t go looking for “Noah antis.”

Second, and more importantly, I want you to do a hypothetical with me. You saw someone getting viciously bullied. Not a friend, but nevertheless, other people were threatening them, calling them slurs, and harassing their family. They were also spreading lies to continue to inflame others to bully them.

With me so far? You’d want to stick up for them, right? Because there’s really no pretext before which any of that behavior is okay, right?

Now imagine, a year in to this relentless bullying campaign, you STILL see people spreading the lies, getting others inflamed, reigniting the bullying again and again. Imagine you KNOW that this endless bombardment has sent them to therapy and driven them from any place that gives them joy.

Would you just ignore that? Would you turn a blind eye? Would you chalk that up to just a “different opinion”?

I hope not. Because I won’t.

I’m sorry your friend was shaken up. But I’m one person. Noah gets the treatment I just described to you from HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of people. There are hate accounts with 40K+ followers solely dedicated to posting things like this bit of homophobia:

Look at the likes on that.

And that’s one post. That doesn’t even show the ones wanting to kill him. Or do viler things.

Or how about these cheering for his suicide (EDIT —> see the bottom of the post)

He can’t just log off and ignore them or block theee people either because they send it to his home. His family. They track him in public and send his location to big accounts that will tweet it out hoping someone will hurt him.

So, I mean this with sincerity: Good. I’m glad your friend was shaken up. I hope to shake up more people before I’m done. Maybe they’ll think twice before spreading lies that inflame people to post shit like that 👆🏻

That’s not a difference of opinion. I don’t mind if people simply don’t like Noah. But be honest. Do you post about people you don’t like? No. This is not simply disliking Noah. It’s contributing to homophobia and antisemitism and it’s wrong.

And until people get their senses back, I carry on.

[homunculusalphonse]

EDIT: i was informed raven molisee uses he/him pronouns! i'm sorry about that, please reblog this version instead.

so thanks to raven molisee (a previous storyboarder for steven universe) showing his concept art for horror club, we (aka me) can confirm that:

lars was thought to have borderline personality disorder (at least that's something raven particularly liked)

lars was bullied as a kid and he internalized it to the point where he can't take compliments srsly

and he's queer! (not a surprise to me though) and he dealt with internalized homophobia due to his bullies

apparently little ronaldo might have crushed on lars too

gosh that's so much lore and while i'm sad we didn't see more of it in the show, i just love how deep of a character lars is, as well as his friendship with ronaldo. i am being fed lmao.

[nonsensegnomes]

kinda crazy song choice for this dirties (2013) trailer i just unearthed...

yt

[peculiaritybending]

One of the many things I really love about Heathers is how JD and Veronica can very, very easily both be read as bisexual coded like it’s at the point where I’d believe you if you said it was intentional.

[afewproblems]

Difficult Days Part Two

You can find Part One Here

CW: Homophobic language (F-slur), period typical homophobia, and anxieties about being perceived as gay by homophobes. The slur is used once in this by the main character in reference to the above anxieties.

***

It's solidified for Shawn in junior year that he's never had someone in his life like Gus.

It feels like it should go without saying, Gus has always been someone he could lay out his darkest truths to and his best friend wouldn't bat an eye. 

Sure, there would be a joke to cut through the tension in Shawn's shoulders, something to make him laugh, nothing less than what Shawn would do for Gus in return.

This is what family is supposed to do. 

This is what Shawn keeps repeating, over and over like a mantra, psyching himself up to tell Gus something he's only just now realized about himself.

They have the house to themselves this afternoon, luckily Henry is working late, and Gus has been talking for the last ten minutes, but Shawn hasn't taken in a single word. 

Shawn nods as Gus continues, keeping up the appearance of listening while trying to find the words to begin his own conversation in stops and starts as Gus pops their rented tape into the VCR in Shawn's room.

Every Wednesday, no matter what, Gus and Shawn have a dedicated one on one hangout night. It��s one of the last traditions from their childhood, though they still haven't grown much beyond reading comic books, taking turns playing Donkey Kong, camping in the backyard, or grabbing a rental from Blockbuster with their allowance. No matter how busy either of them got with homework or extracurriculars, both admittedly would not have stopped Shawn, they made time to hang out.

So Wednesday nights are always Shawn and Gus time, even when one of them is hiding earth shattering news that could potentially ruin everything--

Gus crashes into Shawn as he jumps on the bed, slamming him and the vicious thoughts playing on a loop in his head back onto the mattress, whooshing the air from his lungs. 

Gus crows out a victorious laugh, “in comes Gregarious Guster with the chair, taking out the villainous Supercilious Spencer from parts unknown!” 

Gus cups his hands around his mouth as he sits up, “Guster, Guster, Guster--”

“I swear that spelling bee wrought absolute havoc on your vocabulary,” Shawn huffs from the bed, still flat on his back. He manages a grin that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and that is when Gus finally seems to see how quiet Shawn has been.

“Okay, what's up with you?” Gus demands, poking Shawn’s side with a rigid pointer finger, hitting right smack in between his ribs and eliciting a pained squawk from Shawn.

He rolls away slightly, hiding his face and his bruised ribs, wracking his brain trying to find something to stay, because, how the hell does he even begin with something like this?

Because, hindsight being what it is, all the signs were there and for someone with his observation skills it was incredibly embarrassing to have missed this.

Around freshman year, right around the time the other boys in their grade started talking about girls and their smiles, about supermodels and their legs. 

And it wasn't as if Shawn didn't notice these things, he absolutely did. 

Abigail Lytar with her waves of brown hair flecked with copper, her heart shaped face and big brown eyes? Talking with her always made his hands clammy and his stomach feel like it was rolling in summersaults.

But when Anthony Llewellyn knocked Shawn's backpack out of his hands after slamming into his back freshman year and didn't stop apologizing until he had picked up the bag and given it back to Shawn, it felt like the earth had stopped spinning.

Anthony's warm hazel eyes, that were more green than brown, and crooked smile made Shawns face feel strangely numb and his chest fluttery.

Almost the same way he felt with Abigail earlier that month. 

Shawn watches him leave, rendered speechless for the first time in his life, and finds himself waving stupidly as Anthony leaves for his next class with a dimpled smile stretched over his face.

It isn't long before Anthony becomes a fixture in Shawn and Gus’ life, hanging out at lunch, sitting together in class when their time tables do manage to match up. 

The three of them get along like a house on fire…for the most part.

“Looks like they're pulling out all the stops for the next Governor debate,’ Anthony says in lieu of a greeting as Shawn and Gus arrive at their usual cafeteria table, he has a copy of the Santa Barbara Independent in front of him and is lazily flipping through pages as Shawn takes a seat beside him while Gus sits across from them both.  “Why do you have that?’ Gus asks with a frown, ‘scratch that, how do you have that?” Anthony raises a single eyebrow at Gus, looking down at the paper and then at Shawn with a conspiratorial grin, “you're hilarious Burton, like you don't walk past the news rack on your way into the building every morning, besides, I need it for my Current Events unit. “See, Shawn here gets it,” he continues throwing an arm, heavy and warm, across Shawns shoulder, tugging him into Anthony's side. Shawn feels his ears burst into flames at the contact and can't quite stop the goofy grin from taking over his face. “Well, this isn't History,” Gus says, reaching into his backpack for his brown bag lunch that Mrs. Guster packed for him. Bologna on brown with an apple and Wagon Wheel, like they're still little kids. Shawn slowly reaches for his lunch bag, prepping to swap sandwiches with Gus, trying his hardest not to dislodge Anthony's arm from his shoulders. Gus continues, oblivious to Shawn’s herculean trial, “it's lunch time and I for one can't wait to talk about the new Evil Dead movie--” Anthony scoffs, “that slapstick gore fest?” he removes his arm from Shawn and closes the paper. Dammit. “Yeah, it's supposed to be the best one yet,” Gus takes a bite of his apple for emphasis, “I don't know how they're going to top the last one though--" Anthony snorts and starts to get up from his seat at the table, his chair scrapes loudly against the linoleum flooring, cutting off Gus. “As stirring as this conversation was I'm going to head to the library before class, see you in fifth Shawn,” Anthony salutes the pair of them, as he pushes his chair back in and slides the paper off the table before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and making his way out of the crowded cafeteria. Gus lifts his wrist to his face, taking a deliberate look at his watch before leveling Shawn with an unimpressed look, “I think Anthony set a new record for finding any excuse to bail on something other than school”. “Yeah, yeah,” Shawn huffs, reaching for Gus's saran wrapped bologna sandwich and sliding his turkey on rye across the table which Gus takes immediately. “Seriously,” Gus continues, “that guy needs to chill, Sam Raimi's no joke”. “Anthony's super chill, I'm sure he's got a test or something coming up, now where do we think that worm hole spit out our beloved chainsaw wielding Ash?” 

Shawn does his best to try and make it work between his new friend and his best friend.

But, Anthony is usually busy after school, between studying and his debate practice he doesn’t have nearly as much free time as Shawn and Gus. 

Which Gus seems to have no problem with whatsoever, something that baffles Shawn to no end.

It's only ever been something discussed exactly once. 

“Anthony is funny and nice and smart and laughs at my jokes, sure he doesn't play video games but pobody's nerfect Gus!” “Nobody's perfect?” Gus snorts as they roll their bikes towards the racks just outside the mall.  The Santa Barbara Plaza finally brought in new copies of Star Fox after the first shipment sold out nearly overnight, which the pair of boys had been waiting to hit the shelves for weeks.  “I've heard it both ways,” Shawn grins as he locks up his own bike next to Gus who rolls his eyes. They make their way into the air conditioned space and breathe out twin sighs of relief as cool air rushes over them, before making their way into the heart of the Plaza. “It’s not like I hate the guy,” Gus tells Shawn after a beat. “Oh come on Gus, don't be the summer of 68," Shawn says, throwing an arm over his friend's shoulders, “you're still the only one invited to Thanksgiving, not many else get that honor”.  “Well, you know that's right”, Gus smirks briefly before his face shifts into something pensive. “It’s just,” Gus says slowly, carefully, his eyes trace over Shawn’s face before he continues, “the guy’s a bit of a…” “What?” Shawn says sharply, wincing at the clear annoyance in his voice.  Gus seems to chew the inside of his cheek as he takes a breath, “a bit of a--no, you know what he's a snob Shawn--” “No he’s not--” “He’s literally at debate practice Shawn, and it’s not even a school program!” “So what!” “So, why is it so important that I like him?”

And to that, Shawn doesn’t have an answer. 

Over the next year Gus still doesn't warm up to Anthony as much as Shawn --which…it's, it’s fine. 

Really. 

He still doesn't quite understand why he wants Gus to like Anthony so badly, but the need claws against his ribs in a way Shawn can't quite pinpoint.

Contrary to popular belief, Shawn isn't stupid; a fact that his dad would use endlessly to hold him to a higher standard. 

But it isn't until their junior year that the need begins to escalate, and the butterflies intensify until Shawn finally puts two and two together.

It’s at lunch, on a random Wednesday in February, that Anthony leans over to grab his backpack from underneath the cafeteria table, bracing his hand firmly on Shawn's shoulder, and Shawn is met with the overwhelming urge to kiss his friend. 

Oh holy shit.

He wants to kiss Anthony Llewellyn. 

It hits Shawn like a freight train. 

This is why he's always a little flustered whenever Anthony is around, this is why he wanted Gus to like him--to approve of Anthony.

Oh god. Oh god, how was he going to explain this to Gus, how was he going to explain this to his dad.

Shawn’s stomach clenches at the thought of how Henry would react to having a--

Shawn shakes the word from his head, even as the echoes of it continue to reverberate. 

No. 

There aren't any other gay kids at their school, not that Shawn thinks he's…he still likes girls as near as he can tell.

But the apparent lack of gay kids doesnt seem to stop the rest of the student body from throwing the word faggot around, as though it will eventually catch someone out.

He swallows down panic at the thought of the accusation being thrown his way, if Tommy Decker and Marcus Boon were assholes when they were kids, they were nothing compared to some of the jocks in highschool.

Shawn continues to spiral through fourth period science, one of two classes this year he thankfully doesn't share with either Gus or Anthony, before the bell finally rings, releasing them for their final class of the day. 

But Shawn detours, making a beeline for his locker, his heart in his throat the entire way. He dumps his textbooks and notebooks --there's no way he's going to be able to concentrate on homework tonight, slams his locker shut, making a few other teens startle and glare at him as they make their way to class. Shawn breathes out slowly and calmly makes his way to the side door before slipping into the muggy afternoon.

*

Shawn is wallowing faceup on his bed with a pillow on his face when he hears Gus calling his name downstairs. 

Shit. 

Because it’s Wednesday. 

And Gus had excitedly bragged about picking up the last copy of Jurassic Park after waiting over a year for it to finally come to home video.

It's just one night, Shawn thinks as he hears Gus bound up the stairs two at a time, he can get through this without saying anything. He just needs more time to really think about how to phrase it, that’s all.

“Okay, what's up with you?” 

Or not. 

Shawn sits up from the mattress, rubbing at his tender ribs where Gus has jabbed his finger, “I don’t think that chair was regulation, did the commissioner sign off on that thing? Also have they ever explained where ‘parts unknown’ is supposed to be? How can I truly get into character without--”

“Nope,” Gus cuts him off midstream, “nope, you haven't made a face like that since they announced Alicia Silverstone wouldn't be in the Clueless TV show”.

“ABC is nuts if they think we'll accept a lesser Cher,” Shawn hedges, avoiding Gus's sharp stare. 

“Shawn, come on,” Gus says as his eyebrows pinch in a worried frown, “what's going on?”

So much for trying to make it through today without spilling his guts, Shawn thinks to himself.

“Today has been,” Shawn says slowly, swallowing the next words he wants to say, stressful, panicked, hopeless, what if, what if, what if--

“Difficult,” he lands on eventually.

“Okay,” Gus says calmly, though his shoulders have tensed and his eyes scan Shawns face, worry lines intensify as puts the remote on the mattress.

“So, you know,” Shawn says haltingly, trying to breath while looking anywhere but Gus, “do you remember--shit, this is hard”.

Gus stands up from the mattress and Shawn immediately hates the distance, “just spit it out Shawn, how bad can it be? It's not like you have a thing for my sister or something right?” 

Shawn winces slightly at the accusation and Gus freezes briefly before snatching at the discarded pillow on the floor with a groan and presses it into his own face.

“Please,” Gus says, the word muffled by cotton and polyester, “don't tell me you want to date Joy?”

Shawn grins a little at that as he pulls at a loose thread on the corner of his comforter, “uh, no, I mean you're sister's great and all, maybe in another life we'd--”

“Dude!”

“Right,” Shawn tries to take a deep breath as his heart rate begins to increase, it feels like the temperature of his bedroom has climbed ten degrees in the last five minutes, “that actually uh, helps me uh, explain this, sort of?”

Gus nods for him to continue. Well, in for a penny, in for a Kennel --or whatever the saying is.

“So you know how your sister is a girl?”

Brilliant.

Gus levels Shawn with yet another unimpressed glare, “yes Shawn, I live with her”.

Shawn tries to breathe out slowly but the words suddenly begin to fall out of his open mouth, strung together nearly incoherently, “okay, okay, well what if I think she's hot, but I also, I also think I might maybe think that--

“Shawn,” Gus sighs, pinching his nose with a heavy hand, he looks like he's ready to take his tape back, revoke their Wednesday hangouts and Shawn hasn't even confessed anything yet. 

“You have to swear that this stays here,” Shawn blurts out. He swallows heavily as Gus’s eyes widen even more than before, “even if you never want to talk to me again after”.

“Shawn what the hell are you talking about?” Gus yells, his voice panicked now as he steps back to the bedroom door, looking around the hallway once before slamming it shut and whirling around, “explain now!”

“I like Anthony”.

The words hang in Shawn's small bedroom between them, the silence that follows swiftly after only punctuated by Shawn's breaths that come too fast, in and out.

“I-I think, I mean, I, god, I didn't realize it until now but I just…”

Gus stares at him, his normally expressive face completely unreadable now. Shawn can’t stop his lungs from stuttering, it’s like he can’t catch his breath.

“And I do still like girls but I--Gus can you just say something or shoot me so I stop talking, please”.

Gus brings his hands up to wipe at his face, it’s only then that Shawn can see the way they shake slightly.

“Okay,” he says between his fingers, before letting his hands drop to his sides.

Shawn licks his lips, “just…okay? Thats--you’re not--”

“I thought you were going to tell me you murdered somebody or you stole your dads car after which, you would be the murdered one,” Gus snaps, shaking his head with a long slow sigh. He makes his way back over to the bed and sits down beside Shawn.

“Look, I can't say I fully get it, especially the Anthony part of it all, but you're my best friend Shawn, and that trumps everything else”. 

Shawn feels something in his chest that has been coiled tight around his heart since his revelation at lunch begin to loosen. He blinks against the sharp sting at the backs of his eyes and releases a punched out laugh. 

“And I’m relieved Henry isn’t going to murder you” Gus adds, startling another bark of laughter out of Shawn which draws Gus in as well until they’re both laughing like idiots, flat on their backs on the mattress. 

Shawn doesn’t want to think about what Henry’s reaction to this might be, not right now. 

He pushes the thought away, locks it into a box of future worries, because he’s never had someone in his life like Gus, that will accept him as he is. 

And Shawn wants to hold onto that for a little while longer. 

After the credits roll and the sun has deserted the horizon, Gus nudges Shawn with his elbow with a raised eyebrow and a grin.

“So, which one’s hotter, Dr. Grant or Dr. Sattler?”

Shawn snorts out a laugh, his chest bursting with a warm mix of relief and happiness, “Tough call Gus, it might be a tie”.

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Part Three