#bulk email send

[elightwalk-technology]

Discover the most efficient way to send bulk emails with Magento 2 and streamline your email marketing efforts.

[yoursmtpprovider]

How to measure the success of your Bulk Emailing campaigns?

As you are here, you must be looking for methods to track the success of your email marketing campaign. However, the end result of bulk email sending is highly competitive. So, you will need to analyze and evaluate the performance of your email campaigns. But the question is how?

We will get you there shortly.

Before that, you will need to ask a few questions to yourself. Starting with-

What is an email marketing campaign?

What email marketing does to the business?

How to create a compelling email marketing campaign?

Once you get answers to your queries thoroughly, we will dive into how to measure the success of your email marketing campaign.

Metrics to Check for Measuring the Success of Your Email Marketing Campaigns

The success of email marketing campaigns can be decided by various factors. There are so many things that you need to keep in check. And that too on a regular basis. So, let us explain them all in detail so that you can create a strategy for an effective bulk email marketing plan. 

Open rate

The open rate percentage of the sent bulk email lists is necessary to measure the effectiveness. The basic logic of the open rate ratio is if your recipients do not open your emails, how will you draw the conversion to your business? The entire work plan will become futile with a lesser open rate.

CTR

The main goal of your email campaign will be the percentage of people who clicked on the link within your email. This is an im[portant metric to gain subscribers and a loyal audience for your business and email list. 

Unsubscribe rate

Now, coming to the unsubscribe rate is the deciding factor in your email success. If the rate of unsubscribe is high after sending emails from your bulk email server, you have to find the disputes within your content. There can be a problem in your welcoming note, hooking part, or maybe a misleading subject line. 

Complaint rate

Right after the unsubscribing rate, comes the complaint rate. Let's just pray that your emails don't get marked as spam in two digits. Basically, the complaint rate is the number of people who marked your emails as spam. 

Conversion rate

Conversion rate means the percentage of people who became your customer or subscriber through your sent emails. A higher rate of conversion will decide the success of your email campaign as well as your business revenue. 

Bounce rate 

It is your duty to keep the email bounce rate in check. The bounce rate is the deciding factor of the number of emails sent to your customers but they didn't reach their destined location.

Email bounce can happen due to an incorrect email address, overloading, or the recipient’s email is full. So, choose SMTP relay service providers with credible sending domains and delivery rates. Sometimes, the recipient email server has blocked the server for new emails as well. 

Forward and share rate

Even though it is not an important metric but forward and share rate of your email means that they are liking your products or services so they are promoting you to their people. They act as an ambassador for your business. 

Campaign ROI

Basically, this is the most important and tricky to calculate. However, you can choose the best SMTP service provider to gain an overall estimation of your Campaign ROI. An average ROI throughout a period of time will signify the campaign growth of your business. 

List growth rate

The above metrics are important, but you also have to put your mind to growing your email list. So, if you see a gradual increase in your email list without losing the existing one, it means that your business and email campaign is on the right track. 

As you go through all these parameters, you will come across a balanced position with steady growth in email campaigns. So, find the SMJTP provider that suits your needs and draws revenue to your business. 

[electronicgoateewasteland]

People are looking to promote or advertise their products and services via SMS. Though the various modes of communication tools are present in the market still no one can replace “Bulk SMS services“. For that, you need the best bulk SMS service provider that should be reliable and affordable.If you’re planning to jump in the business of bulk SMS reseller is a good idea to sell SMS services under your brand name with the MsgClub reseller panel.

[barabones]

I forget exactly where I saw the initial post asking for volunteers, but on July 10th, I reached out to the listed email. Jane, the organizer, got back to me right away and within an hour I was added in their discord.

Up until this point, I had been maintaining an average 8 ESims myself, so I already had experience checking in on them on a daily basis. The folks there helped me onboard with the spreadsheets for keeping track, and now it's very easy for me to catalog new ones I buy and record daily data usage. The whole process takes me maybe 20-40 minutes a day depending now on how many ESims actually need to be topped off.

Jane has been very up front with lots of the group's information, with frequent announcements about the groups current funds and amounts of daily ESims sent out. She and the others have been super helpful with getting funds to us when needed, and I've almost never had to actually spend any of my own money for any of this.

In the time that I've been volunteering, they figured out how to run a Business account with the Nomad ESim company. Which means that now and then they can just send 15 or so ESims my way, and I just catalog them and send the QRcodes towards Mirna and the Connecting Gaza folks. No more wasting time with the purchasing process, while getting a bit of a bulk discount on top of that.

We also share updates on whatever brand of ESims are most needed. When folks on the ground tell us that one network doesn't seem reliable, we are able to switch over for a while until either the networking issue is fixed, or we all pressure customer service enough to replace them for us.

There's also lots of complaining about new UI updates an general website bugs. There's surprisingly a lot of them and it's good to know other folks are getting info from customer service when things go wrong.

In August they made a meme channel

Anyways....

Lets get into some stats for myself. In 2 months (July 10- Sept12) I have:

Send off 171 ESims

Maintained around 60 active ones

Topped up these active ESims 139 times

Spend over $6400 donated dollars

I have multiple power users who have burned through close to 100GB. 2 of them have broken 200GB. These are most likely being used as hot spots.

Why am I sharing all of this? Mostly to show how easy it has been to make a marginal difference. I have helped at least 60 people stay connected with the outside world in just 2 months. Probably more if we assume some of the power users becoming hotspots for other folks. This is 20-40 minutes of my time a day, and I honestly regret not signing up to do this sooner.

I was specifically limiting myself to this workload because I wanted to test the waters. Those stats was me specifically not wanting to push myself and see what impact a normal person could make with 20 minutes a day. At this point I think I will be taking more advantage of Nomad's Tuesday discounts to really bulk up my numbers. It's pretty easy to buy 15 or so every Tuesday, and then send em over.

If you would like to join us in this endeavor, please reach out to Jane at cripsforesimsforgaza(at)gmail

We are specifically looking for people in European time zones, since a lot of us are in the Americas and that's quite a difference between us and Gaza. If not, that's no problem!

If you can't participate, that's totally fine, but please donate what you can! Folks like you are the ones who keep us going!

I hope this information has been useful in some way. Like I said, I wish I had heard about this group sooner, with how easy it has been to do. I can track my direct impact of what my daily time is doing for folks, and seeing the data be used up a little bit more day by day gives me hope for everyone in Gaza. Thank you for your time.

[mails2inboxcom]

Things to look for while choosing an SMTP service provider

Bulk email marketing services - Email promoting is, without a slight trace of uncertainty, a vital component of the showcasing procedure of organizations. From SMBs to Fortune 500 organizations, all know about the influence of email, and the individuals who are not, are passing up one of the best promoting channels that can support return for money invested. SMTP administrations have expanded in ubiquity because of clear reasons, the manner in which it works on sending messages, the speed, and precision, just to give some examples.

As there are different SMTP specialist co-ops out there, it tends to be hard for organizations to find a dependable and the right specialist co-op.

Finding the right SMTP specialist co-op

Thus, here we present to you a few genius tips that can make the method involved with finding a specialist co-op simple and bother free.

Experience matters!

At the point when you will contact a specialist co-op, you are without a doubt going to run over a lot of vows to convey the best administrations. In any case, sadly, not all SMTP specialist co-ops are probably going to address your issues. This is where you really want to zero in on the experience of any specialist organization. More the experience, the better the assistance experience you will get. Talk with your specialist co-op about the experience and how the administrations helped different organizations.

Understanding your business needs

Each business has its own remarkable help and server necessities. Just the one with the right experience will actually want to comprehend and meet your remarkable prerequisites.

Invest energy with the specialist co-op to examine your administration and email promoting needs, an accomplished specialist organization will think of a few extraordinary ideas that will make the ways for additional open doors for your business. Bulk email marketing software

Get to investigate the choices

When you know about the experience of your specialist co-op and your business needs are examined, it becomes vital to investigate the accessible choices or plans that best accommodated your business. SMTP administrations are accessible at a great many plans, these plans can likewise be tweaked to meet your requirements. When you have a few intends to investigate, you will actually want to distinguish which one tackles your motivation!

Get in Touch

E: info@mails2inbox.com Skype: murtazind WhatsApp: +91 8780-424-579

Also read: - https://mails2inbox.com/things-to-look-for-while-choosing-smtp-service-provider/

[hardinternetkid]

How to Send Mass Emails? Follow These Footprints for Sure Success

Sending mass emails can be a great way to reach a large number of people with a single message. Whether you’re promoting a new product or service, announcing an event, or simply keeping your customers informed about your business, email can be an effective tool to help you achieve your goals. However, sending mass emails can be tricky, and there are a number of factors you need to consider to…

[the-music-keeper]

Objective #18 is done! I'm so glad -- this reading really needed doing.

[tojisun]

sugar, spice, everything on ice (hockey au mlist) - smut; f!reader; short drabble only!

yea i bet youre all tired of hearing hockey come out of my mouth but thinking about—

hockey player simon receiving a text from you after a game.

they defeated their opponent in a shutout—price carrying the team on enemy ice, with garrick coming in with solid defences, allowing mactavish and simon to sink a shot after another.

it was an electrifying game; even now as he’s stuffed in his cubicle, simon feels like he’s on top of the world. like the cup is so close to his reach—just a few more rally and he’s bringing it home.

the locker room is buzzed, congratulations getting passed from one to another while their coach awards the disk to price for the shutout. the media is still taping this whole interaction so the team remains conscious, guarded, until, finally, everything is wrapped up.

the others clamber to the showers but simon digs for his phone, desperate to talk to you. to tell you that he’s won—he doesn’t know if you’ve watched the game, not with how packed your schedule’s gotten—so if you haven’t, he wishes to at least be the first to let you know.

he wants you to hear it from him; hear from him how they dominated tonight’s game.

(6-0 for the specgru. in the playoffs.)

but there’s already a message from you, sitting atop the strings of notification filling up his phone screen. he ignores the emails from brands reaching out for brand deals or fans sending in messages to his public socials, and taps on your name.

his eyes grow wide, his breath hitching, because—

> 2 goals tonight, baby. almost a hatty.

> have i told you how your hockey makes me hot? almost makes me want to fly there to give you a reward

the start of a whimper builds in the base of his throat, scratching at his trachea.

jesus.

the last time you’ve rewarded him for his performance—a hatty, one of which was an empty net goal—simon had to grit through the horror of seeing you have a difficulty in sitting down the next few days. until now, he swears that he tried holding back, to take it easy despite his needs, but then you crawled to his lap and sang praises in his ears, and simon was gone.

you were so needy for him. for his skate and his play and his victory. and how could simon control himself then?

so this—your messages that are lidded with a tease—is torture. the flight won’t even be until tomorrow morning so you’ve just left him extremely pent-up, buzzing, with his desires poorly-leashed.

all he could do is send a weak,

when i’m back, can you give it then? <

you’ve only liked his message as a reply and simon knows it for what it is—a deliberate hooking; filling him up with tension. with unbridled energy, all uncontainable, so he can fuck all of that into you.

shit. now he’s all hard underneath his cup.

the quick rub in the shower stalls was not enough so he races to their hotel, locking himself in his room and proceeds to fuck his fist as he swipes at the album he’s locked away in his gallery. it’s the gallery that only you and simon know about.

it’s full of pictures. of videos and audios.

it’s full of you fingering your sensitive pussy, and of simon finally getting his hands on your cunt and dragging you up to his mouth for a taste, and of simon fucking you at every surface—on the island, in the living room, against the window, in front of the mirror.

in some of them, he’s still wearing his jersey. in most of them, you’re the one who has it on.

simon cums once. then rubs another one before the flight because he makes the mistake of rereading your previous message. the release isn’t euphoric; sure, it’s enough to stop the fever, but it was almost too clinical.

you’re still in your gym clothes when simon’s clumsily making his way home. you shriek at the way he just covers you with his bulk, before giggling at the ticklish feeling of his scruff rubbing against your cheek.

“missed you,” he says.

you whine, nodding, before pushing him back just enough that you can finally jump into his arms. simon soaks up the attention, like it’s sticky liquorice, and the nuzzled kisses.

even the words pressed on his lips, he devours but there’s one thing simon needs more, and he’s almost shaking when you finally noticed.

you laugh, poking his cheek, before giving him what he wants.

“your hockey’s so hot, si,” you trill. “fuck me?”

“please,” simon croaks out because that is all he could truly say.

[careercrafty]

The Most Popular ActiveCampaign to Automate Your Email Marketing!

ActiveCampaign is an all-in-one marketing automation platform that helps businesses effectively engage with customers, grow their sales, and increase customer loyalty. With its powerful and intuitive tools, ActiveCampaign makes it easy to create great content and keep your audience informed. From automated emails to social campaigns, the platform enables you to quickly build effective campaigns that help you stay in touch with your contacts.

When using ActiveCampaign for marketing activities, there are several tips or best practices that can be implemented:

Automate promotional email messages on a regular basis such as weekly news digests or monthly newsletters so users do not feel overwhelmed with information overload

Leverage personalization techniques within emails based on user preferences (e.g; segmentation) so tailored content can better reach the desired target audience

Build attractive landing pages where visitors will enter after clicking through ads

Use A/B testing of variations in subject lines/content messaging when sending out e-mails

Monitor results via trackable clicks & other metrics (open rates etc.)

Analyze success & optimize accordingly

There are much more things you can do with each of them. You can check them all out here

Please feel free to share your favorites in the comments section below.

Thank you.

[elightwalk-technology]

How to send bulk emails with Magento 2?

Email marketing is the cheapest way to connect with customers and promote your products, sales, offers and services. Email marketing can improve brand reputation and businesses, reach a larger audience, and drive sales. Email marketing is a cost-effective strategy for message personalization and campaign tracking. Email marketing requires Bulk emails to connect with a large audience and effectively communicate promotional offers, updates, and news to their target market.

Magento 2 simplifies sending bulk emails to your customers. With its user-friendly interface and powerful features, Magento 2 is the perfect platform for managing email campaigns. 

Why Social Login?

Social login is the most efficient and user-friendly way of authenticating users, allowing them to sign in seamlessly using their social media credentials. Beyond the convenience factor, integrating social login into your Magento 2 store can enhance security in several ways.

Why do you need to send bulk emails with Magento 2?

According to DMA research, email marketing offers all digital marketing channels the highest ROI. Sending bulk emails using Magento 2 can help you achieve better results with less effort. Sending bulk emails using Magento 2 can help you achieve better results with less effort, resulting in higher customer engagement and conversion rates. Increased customer engagement and higher conversion rates can increase revenue and business.

Here are some of the reasons why you should be using Magento 2 for your email marketing campaigns:

1. User-friendly interface: Magento 2 has a user-friendly interface that makes email campaign management easy, even for non-technical users. Sending mass emails is a breeze with Magento 2.

2. Customizable email templates: Magento 2 offers various campaign email templates. You can choose designs and customize content to fit your brand's voice and tone.

3. Segmentation: You can divide your email list into segments using Magento 2 according to behaviour, purchase history, and demographics. This allows you to design personalized and targeted emails with a higher sales conversion rate.

4. Automated emails: Magento 2 allows you to set up automated emails for different triggers, such as abandoned carts, customer birthdays, and order confirmations. That helps you keep your customers engaged without the need for manual intervention.

5. Integration with third-party email service providers: Popular email service providers like Elightwalk and Mageplaza are integrated with Magento. 2. Simplify the management of your email campaigns. by using these integrated email service providers.

How to send bulk emails with Magento 2?

Sending bulk emails with Magento 2 can be accomplished using the built-in functionality of the platform or by integrating third-party email solutions. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you send bulk emails through Magento 2:

Step 1: Create an email template

The first step is to create your email template. Magento 2 provides a wide range of pre-designed templates you can customize per your brand's needs. You can design your email template from the beginning using the drag-and-drop email builder.

Step 2: Segment your email list

Next, you must segment your email list to ensure you send targeted emails to the right people. You can do this based on demographics, purchase history, and customer behaviour.

Step 3: Choose the email service provider

Go to Stores > Configuration > Services > your selected service

Enter the required credentials or API keys.

Elightwalk provides an SMTP server for Magento 2. Smtp servers provide security and a more user-friendly experience. SMTP server features such as authentication, encryption, and delivery status notifications make the email-sending process more reliable and efficient for Magento 2 users. With the help of SMTP, you can send Bulk emails Quickly and easily. Users can easily send emails without any technical complications.

Step 4: Schedule and send your emails

Once you have created your email template and segmented your email list, you can schedule your email campaign and send it to your customers.

In Conclusion, Bulk emailing with Magento 2 is a cost-effective and efficient method to promote products and connect with customers. With powerful features and an easy-to-use interface, Magento 2 makes successful email marketing campaigns easy for businesses of all sizes. If you still need to start using Magento 2 for your email marketing, it's time to try it and see the results for yourself.

[peachyscenes]

nine to five | office workers!enhypen x fem!reader

notes: SMUT!! so mdni and proceed with caution/at your own risk! porn with some plot. you 🫵, my dear reader are in fact the same person for the rest of this piece/mini-series (not sorry lol). enhypen are pervs! like freaky pervs! decelis corp is lowkey highkey a sex service company lol. you must really need this job but it's ok because same. inspired by both enha's new music video AND the intern mini-series by @lomlhwa (literally CHEF'S kiss)

reblogs are appreciated!!

Welcome to Decelis Corporation! As the new member of the creative department, you're tasked with developing new ideas to help promote the company and bring in new investors! Though the creative department is not as big as the other departments, you and your seven teammates are just as capable and incredibly skilled! Though, no one told you just how skilled they were... And unfortunately you made the mistake of not reading the fine print when signing the contract...

All members are welcome to explore the services provided by Decelis! By signing this contract, you are consenting to every and all services at your own expense (refer to the employee handbook for the list of services)! Please note that services outside of office hours will not count as overtime unless a request has been submitted by the team leader!

Thank you for joining Decelis Corporation! We hope to have you for a while!

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII

PART I: Heeseung, Office Manager/Team Leader

He was very friendly when you first came into the company. Heeseung was one of the first people to really show you the ropes of the office. He told you where the good coffee was and where to buy lunch if you didn't bring any from home. He also helped you with deadlines if the other guys (Sunghoon) decided to leave you with the bulk of the shared work. Heeseung is a good guy.

What you're not aware of, is his lingering stare when you're too close to another team member. Or when you wear your pencil skirts rather than your dress pants. Or when you decide to dress more casually in jeans and bend down to find the pen you just dropped.

Heeseung was a starer with many thoughts about you.

He knows you didn't read the fine print of the company contract. You have this innocent look on your face that's unaware of the multiple uses of the break room on your floor. You smile at him so prettily, completely oblivious to the wolfish stares he and the others give you. You look at him with admiration, and it gets him hard when he's reading through the weekly reports that Sunoo emails him.

Today is no exception. You're wearing your hair in a ponytail and you're sporting glasses instead of your contacts.

"Why the glasses?" he hears Jungwon ask.

"I- I was running late..." you replied, looking a bit embarrassed. You miss the way Jungwon smirks at you, but Heeseung doesn't. And he doesn't like it.

"Jungwon." You both straighten up at the sound of the leader's voice. Heeseung steadily walks towards you both, eyes locked on the younger man. "Did you send me the spreadsheet for this week?" Jungwon's eyebrows rise up as a sudden epiphany hits him at the mention of the spreadsheet. he sputters out a half-apology, going back to his desk to start it.

"Y/n?"

You turn towards Heeseung, and you resemble a deer caught in headlights. Heeseung has to suppress the thought of you on your knees for him when you look at him with your wide eyes.

"The higher-ups really liked your report from last week," he starts off. Your eyes twinkle at the news. You also seem to relax a bit compared to when Jungwon was spoken to.

"Really?"

Heeseung nods, taking a step closer towards you.

"They were wondering if you could stay overtime to make some calls about your proposals."

That spark in your eye is gone at the mention of having to stay past office hours. Heeseung's eyebrow raises at the change in mood.

"You don't want to? I already filled out the overtime form for you, I just need a confirmation..."

"It's not that I don't want to... It's just that, Jungwon asked if I wanted to eat dinner with him later..."

Heeseung feels his eye twitch.

"And I hate the thought of staying here on my own late at night. It's kinda creepy..."

There's a bit of silence between you two and you think he might tease you but instead, he flashes you a smile. It's the same one he gave you on your first day when he welcomed you.

"I'll stay with you. I have to work on some things anyways."

Your first overtime shift was when you realized that maybe you should've read the fine print.

Heeseung's kisses were hungry. You were worried about being caught but according to him,

"Overtime means no disruptions. It's on page 15 of the handbook."

He has you perched on one of the desks in your department. His hands felt like fire. His lips were addicting. You felt like you were about to explode if he kept grinding his hardened cock against your leg.

"S-slow down, Hee," you bite your lip to swallow down a moan. He simply smirks at you before kissing down your neck. You whimper when you feel his teeth nibble around the area.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting, baby. Been wanting to fuck you since day one." He harshly bites down on the side of your neck, and you're so sure that you're going to have to wear one of your turtlenecks tomorrow.

Heeseung's hand starts trailing from your thigh to your clothed pussy. The material of your dress pants feels rough against your clit when Heeseung cups you.

"H-hold on Hee! We don't even know each other!"

He clicks his tongue before letting out a sigh.

"Y/nnie... You've been working here for 3 months now... Of course we know each other!"

"B-but we never hang out outside of work-!"

Heeseung cuts you off by leaning in to kiss you, this time shoving his tongue into your mouth. You immediately reciprocate his kiss and move your own tongue against his. He pulls away and puts his forehead against your own, a laugh escapes him.

"You say you don't know me, but you're kissing me back so well. You want this Y/nnie~"

You let out a whine, the hand on his chest uselessly pushing him away. Heeseung proceeds to unbutton your dress pants before slowly pulling down the zipper. He holds eye contact with you as he does this, smiling even wider when you make no effort to really stop him.

"Tell me something Y/n." He shoves his hand down your underwear, immediately feeling your wet cunt, spreading your lower lips to gather your wetness on his fingers. "Have you ever thought of me doing something to you?" He adds a single finger inside your aching pussy.

"N-no!" you look away from him, too embarrassed to have let him have his way with you. Your answer doesn't seem to please him, because Heeseung then adds another finger, moving them in and out of your cunt and reaching spots that you haven't been able to. Your face falls at the sensation, and you're using every fiber of your being to not give into him.

"You're lying baby, I see the way you look at me." Heeseung's fingers pick up the pace, the sloshing sound of your cunt is so erotic and almost immediately you give up trying to stay quiet.

"Hee-Heeseung! Oh my God~" Your toes curl when he hits a particular spot, head thrown back as you quickly give up fighting against him. You unconsciously spread your legs more for him, and he can only laugh at you.

"Such a slut, baby." You clench at his words, eyes rolling back as he continues. "What will Wonie say when he finds out I fucked you on his desk?"

You can barely hear what he's saying, too focused on his fingers deep in your cunt. Your jaw hangs open as his fingers begin to get rougher.

"D-don't stop! Fuck! M'almost close Hee!" You're moaning like a mantra, too far gone because of him.

"You gonna come for me baby?"

You nod, mind going numb to truly respond to him.

He feels your pussy begin to spasm and he helps you ride out your orgasm by rubbing his thumb against your clit. Heeseung doesn't stop until you're whining at the overstimulation and pushing his hand away. You feel some seconds pass and you forget what you're about to say to him because he makes you stand from the desk and pushes you to your knees. You look up at Heeseung and he's looking down at you as he unbuckles his belt.

"We're gonna make use of your pretty ponytail, hmm?" He doesn't even fully remove his pants, instead he pushes them and his underwear down enough to free his cock. It's not girthy, but it's long. "Give it a kiss?"

You hesitantly lean in to peck the tip. It feels hot again your lips. You look back up at him and Heeseung rolls his eyes.

"You gotta put it in your mouth now, baby."

You swallow the lump that's stuck in your throat before leaning in to suck his tip into your mouth. Heeseung lets out a sigh, nodding his head to encourage you to take more of him. You slowly take as much of his length as you can, you feel his tip at the back of your throat and you can't help the gag that arises. He's not even halfway in. l

"Careful baby, don't want you to choke. Breathe f'me." You nod, and slowly take in more of him. Heeseung lets out a groan when he looks down at you. He regrets leaving his phone on his desk when your nose touches his abdomen.

You slowly begin to bob your head along his cock, careful to not gag around him. Drool begins to drip down your jaw and onto your neck. Heeseung lets out a moan. You feel the grip on your ponytail tighten and let out a whine when Heeseung begins to control your pace to a faster one.

"Look so pretty like this... Jay's gonna be so jealous." You don't register what he says, too focus on how turned on you are. Your glasses start to fog up at Heeseung's ministrations. Your face sports a sheen layer of sweat. The sounds that emit from you make you feel dizzy.

Heeseung sees the way you look and grins when he feels your hands grip onto his leg.

"You like my cock?" His grin spreads when he sees your eyes roll. "Keep going baby, gonna come real soon."

Your thighs start to rub together to relieve some of the tension. Heeseung notices and forces his leg between your thighs, placing his dress shoe against your cunt.

"Use me baby."

You grind your cunt against his shoe, your moan vibrating on his cock. Heeseung's breathing begins to stagger the more you continue. His hold on your ponytail tightens as his pace becomes sloppy.

"Gonna come, I want you to swallow, ok?" You try your best to nod, too indulged by the relief he's given you. Heeseung bobs your head once, twice, and you feel his cum release into you mouth. He keeps your head still as he empties himself out, breathing hard to calm himself down. After some seconds, Heeseung removes his hand from your hair and his foot from between your legs, you whine out in protest at the loss, but he simply leans down to catch your jaw, tilting your head up.

"Swallow baby." You do as he says, and he lets out a low groan when your tongue comes out to clean around your lips.

Heeseung helps you stand on your feet before turning you around, pushing your chest against the surface of the desk.

You finally get a good look at the desk and your eyes widened in realization of Heeseung's words from earlier. Right in front of you is Jungwon's framed photo of him and your team leader. You're about to protest when you feel your pants being pulled all the way down and Heeseung's own belt hitting the floor.

"This is Jungwon's desk Hee! We have to go somewhere else-!" For the second time, Heeseung cuts you off by landing a smack on your ass. You feel a glob of spit fall on your opening and his tip rubs itself against you to gather his spit and your own wetness.

"Don't mention his name."

He pushes into you in one go, your mouth falls open in a silent scream. Heeseung beings to pound into your pussy, his grip on your hips are sure to leave a mark. You try to hold yourself up on your elbows, but his hand pushes your head on the desk to keep you down.

"Pussy so fucking good." He throws his head back, reveling in the feeling of your pussy. You whimper as he lands a hard smack on your ass again.

"Heeseung! S-slow down!" You shut your eyes at his brutal pace. Your airways feel constricted the more he fucks you.

You want to tell him that this isn't right. Not only are you soiling Jungwon's desk, he's not listening to you at all. But the sick little side of you has always wanted this. You've thought about Heeseung before. Thought about how he'd be like in bed, about the feeling of his cock, if he was vocal or quiet. You've had many thoughts about Heeseung, you're just too shy to act on it.

"Such a whiny baby, Y/nnie. Y'feel that?" He takes your hand and trails it down to press it against your stomach. His cock bulges out slightly, making you feel dizzy at how deep he is.

"Who's fucking you?"

Your brain is barely functioning, too cock-drunk to answer him. Heeseung's hand lingers to your throat to squeeze it before pulling you up against his chest by your neck.

"Answer me baby, who's fucking you so good?"

"Y-you! You Hee! Fuck! So good!"

Your moans are incoherent, as he speeds up his pace. His thrusts begin to get more sloppy.

"Please let me come inside. Let me eat your pussy with my cum."

You clench around his cock at his words. Heeseung's hand on your hips move to rub your clit. Your legs begin to tremble and finally, you came, spasming around him. Heeseung thrusts into you a couple more times before finally coming as well.

You shudder at how warm his cum feels inside you. He stays inside for a bit and you're grateful, too spent to really move and let him move. His hands find purchase on your hips again, rubbing them as if to soothe you.

"So.... You're still gonna let me eat you out right?"

[im-just-a-boy-guys]

Would you be willing to write something along the lines of a female human getting bred by some minotaurs? The idea of being used like a breeding cow for those massive creatures just sends me in a dizzy (and the size difference *swoons*)

I absolutely love your work and would love to see your take on this ❤️

This is so HOT. ESPECIALLY bc one of my system members has a huge hucow kink. MAKE SURE YOU TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS IF YOU SEND AN ASK. you won't be notified unless it's non anonymous.

PART 2 IS OUT NOW!

(This story is kinda long, but I got excited, and there's lots of sex :3 if you want to scroll down to the juicy bits, the bg changes from pink to green.

If you want part 2 I'd be happy to oblige!

FEM! AFAB READER ON MINOTAUR BREEDING FARM. MILKING/BREEDING/DRUGGING!

(Psa, I do my nest to correct spelling, but some things may be misspelled. :] )

You had just signed up for a summer job working on a farm. You're relatively strong and have managed to build muscle while you were doing other forms of work and heavy lifting. You'd been trying to bulk up to make this easier and had gained a little but of weight that had mainly gone to your chest.

This made you slightly insecure because it made it harder to shop for good bras, but hopefully that could be changed when you had enough money from this job to do so.

You receive a phone call, the voice heavy and gruff.

"Hello? Is this (y/n)?"

"Yes it is!", you answered in your bubbly work voice, though you were very exited, hoping it was one of the places you'd applied for.

"Wonderful. This is the dairy farm Cali Dairy? I'm looking at your application, and you look like you'd be a perfect fit for what we're looking for."

He sounded so sweet, and both this and the acceptance made your heart race. He was a good sign that the company would probably be good to its employees.

"That's amazing! When and where do I meet you? Is there an interviewing process for information or will that he sent to me?"

He chuckled softly into the phone at your eagerness.

"Yes. The information will be sent to the email attached to your resume."

"Thank you so much! Have a great day!"

"You too."

He replied as you ended the call. You squealed into your pillow and anxiously awaited the email.

A ping sounded on your computer and you clicked on the notification. The email reads,

___________

"Dear applicant,

We are happy to welcome you to the Cali Dairy family!

Please meet with the supervisor, Daniel, at 477 Milky Whey, Sacramento, California. 95872. On Monday, August 5th at 10.30 AM.

(This is not a real place, and I hope you like the pun.)

You will be moving to one of our in-house apartments. You will be shown around and be given ample time to move and adjust.

If you have any questions, please reply to this email and we will get back to you soon.

Sincerely, Cali Dairy.

_________

When you applied, you saw something about comfortability moving for work and had selected yes, but you didn't know the extent of it. You didn't think much about it and figured that anything you needed to know would be explained on Monday when you met the supervisor.

You wondered if the supervisor was the same kind of sounding man on the phone but passed the thought off to the side as you began to plan on packing.

The coming week and a half passed as you began to pack up your own apartment, you wanted to make the move as easy as you possibly could to work sooner and you figured you'd just unpack after your shifts.

You prepared your outfit for the next day excitedly, deciding on a baggy older shirt with a bike design on it and a pair of your straight leg work jeans. You didn't expect to work on the first day, but you wanted to be prepared just in case.

The next morning, you woke to your 8 am alarm, your body vibrating with excitement. You took a 30 minuite shower, making sure to use extra of all of your various coffee scented soaps and scrubs. You topped it off with a heavily scented, "whisky and coffee" lotion and dryed your hair, and put it up in an old soft tee shirt, a trick you'd learned from your mom.

You slipped I your clothes, by now 8:45 and pulled the tee shirt off of your head and list let your hair down, de-tangling it quickly before grabbing your phone, keys, and anything else you'd need.

You shoved the various things into your bag and drove to the address you were given. The further and further out you got from the city. The open roads lead into fields of various crops and trees. Redwoods were tall and towered lightly along the road side and you enjoyed the scenery. If this was where you were going to be, you'd be happy about it. The drive was so peaceful, and much better than the traffic you were used to.

You arrived at a large, farm house- looking building and pulled into a paved driveway full of a few other vehicles. As you looked around, there were various small walking trails to other buildings with various lables and signs scattered almost like a college campus. The sign on the building you pulled up two read, "reception and Managerial office."

You smiled and gathered your things, turning the car engine off and stepping out. You could feel the energy charging through your veins as you walked over to the steps of the quaint building.

As you entered, there was a front desk, no one was there but there was a small paper taped to the front of the desk.

"New hire, the office is down the hallway, the supervisor should be waiting for you."

You meandered down the hallway and gently rapped ( a soft knock, usually with two out of your 4 main fingers) softly on the door.

"Come in." You heard the low voice through the door, deep but still light. You entered and looked around the office before your eyes landed on the bigger -man? Behind the desk.

You'd seen many other species in your day to day but you'd never met a Minotaur, but there one sat. His thin coat was shiny on the parts that weren't covered by the sizable black polo shirt he was wearing. You could see just below his waist to the brown leather belt and blue jeans he wore.

They squeezed lightly around his large thighs, you couldn't help but stare and hadn't noticed you were.

"Hello, y/n?"

You smiled as you were snapped back to reality.

"Yes, that's me!", your face flushed. He looked kind of nice in what he was wearing.

"I hope I'm not under dressed - I sincerely thought I might be doing some lifting today or just starting work, so I wanted to be sure -"

He cut you off and smiled - "It's alright. I don't blame you. I'm just a manager so don't let my atire fool you. I'll show you around if you'd like."

You beamed and nodded, clutching your bag over your shoulder. He stood, and you could hear the wooden floor creak under his weight. He was huge, at least a couple of feet taller than you.

"My name is Daniel, by the way. It's very nice to meet you."He held his big hand out to shake.

You were just now looking at his features, a slightly humanoid bull head sat on strong shoulders, the colors of his fur were so beautiful, deep browns blending into whites around his nose and eyes. His eyes were a deep brown and they shown in the sun as he looked down at you.

You took his hand to shake it, and he gripped your hand very softly and shook once. He held your hand so gently for such a bug creature. He was so beautiful, it was all you could think about. As he passed you, you realized that you were only chest hight, the thought made you blush deeply.

"You coming?" He chuckled as he walked out of the office.

You scrambled to get behind him as he led the way, and you were happy to follow. As you two walked along the path ways. You passed a smaller building that read "Medic" and locked your head.

"First thing, you go into this building. This is where you will have your physical, where our nurse will check you over and make sure you're fit to work."

You nod and walk into the building. He doesn't follow.

It's a one room doctors office. You walk in and see a slender red head turned away from you, facing a counter. She seems to be investigating a sample of some kind.

She must've heard you walk in as she turned around halfway.

"Hey! How can I help you? You need a bandaid or something?"

She didn't recognize you hut was clearly preoccupied.

"I'm a new hire - I'm here for my physical?" You offered this answer shyly. She was very pretty. You saw her fully as she turned around, her face was thin and her nose slightly pointed. She turned to the side to grab something, a Greek nose. She was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen, even more than the burley man you'd left him outside.

Her eyes were a bright, shining blue. "A physical, huh? It's been a minute since we've gotten a newbie. Alright, sit on the table." She gestured to the doctors table.

You hopped up onto the table, which caused your large chest to bounce and recoil. You blushed and gently put your hand on your chest to hold them still.

She looked to the side at you and smiled.

"Yeah, big chests are so much fun-" she gestured to her own chest, which was actually now that you looked. Almost just as big as yours.

"That being said, we're going to do some measurements and get you a special support bra. The world you do is going to have a lot of moving, so we want you to have the maximum posture assistance and comfort that helps protect your back and chest. This does mean that I'm going to have to touch your chest. Are you alright with that?",

You nodded, and the blush spread from your cheeks to your ears. "Yes, that'll be okay -"

She nodded and pulled out a clip board and readied it. With one hand. She gently felt across your chest, very gently squeezing and prodding in different places. She would ask if you could feel a touch here and asked if it hurt when she pressed in another spot, all of this caused your pussy to scream. Her hands were so gentle, and your chest was so sensitive.

She began to pick up on it and would grab harder here and there. She finally stopped and wrote down a few things on her clipboard.

"Bra size looks to be a double or triple D? Thirty-six, maybe?"

She was right, "yeah, 36 DDD." The woman nodded and waved her hand.

"Alright, we're done. You can go. My name is Dr Sylvia. It's a pleasure to meet you, and you are?"

"(Y/n), nice to meet you too."

"Alright, you can go now."

You thanked her and left the building, finding Daniel leaning against the wall to the side of the door.

"You done already?"

"Yes."

"Alright." He continued to lead you around

To various buildings, one of which reading "Spa" as you passed it.

"Oh there's a spa?", Daniel nodded.

"We take good care of our employees here. We make sure they're all relaxed. Relaxed workers work harder and better. Science fact." He smiled proudly.

He showed you around until about 2:30pm and asked you if you had any questions. You asked about your moving situation and what was paid for and what wasn't. He informed you that in a couple of days or when you were done packing, moving men would come help me move my things if I call him to ask.

Once everything was sorted, you made your way home, through the beautiful fields and trees just kind of talking in your own head.

Your mind and heart raced as you thought about your attractive new coworkers. They were both so incredible looking and both seemed so genuine and sweet.

Once you arrived home, you found your cunt drooling and a light buzzing in your clit, you needed to get off so badly. You wandered over to your drawer, undressing from the waist down with one hand as you fumble with the buttons. Once that gentle hum starts, you practically shove it between your legs, crying out as the vibrations sent pulses through your throbbing cunt.

You fought to get out of your underwear, desperate to shove something inside of yourself. You were just desperate to have something in you - God anything.

You thrust your index and middle finger into your wet hole, moving them around right up against your g spot. Your moans fill the room, not caring much about your neighbors. It was one of your last nights anyway.

This turned into hours and hours of teasing and edging yourself. Rolling around in bed and imagining the two beautiful creatures tossing you between the two of them, choking on the Minotaur's cock while the Dr ate your pussy, this thought alone was enough to make you ruin your sheets with cum, squiriting violently and crying out.

You breathed hard as your orgasm shook you softly as it fizzled out. "Fuck-", you mumbled to yourself and cleaned up, changing the sheets.

You weren't required to come into work until your things were moved so you spent the next week finishing packing and called Daniel. You found yourself giddy to talk with him.

"Hello?"

"Hey! It's (y/n) everything is all packed up and I'm ready to move officially whenever."

"Alright. Make sure you mark boxes fragile, then come here in your car and bring a bag for your essentials, I'll show you your apartment and give you your key."

You giggled softly,covering the mouth peace of the phone. "Yep! No problem!", you excitedly grabbed a marker and made absolutely certain that anything you COULD carry you would. Any small things you would need were transported to your car and you drove to the place you had met the larger man the week prior.

Once she arrived, the sun was setting and she walked to where she knew the man's office was and found the door open. He stood, and she once again remembered her size.

"Alright. I'm going to drive my stuck, you follow me in your car and I'll show you where the apartment is."You followed him out and started up your car. You watched him get into his and follow him around the plot of land to a set of nice-looking buildings with balconies.

He parks in front of building number 256. Daniel smiled as he stepped out of His car. He tossed me my key and you cought it, smiling smugly. He raised an eyebrow to you as if to playfully question your ego. Daniel walked foward and you followed him to aparrtment 27,, thankfully one of the upper apartments. this meant you wouldnt hav an upstairs neighbor. when you unlocked the door, you walked in and gasped at how big the space was.

"Do you like it? We'd be happy to change the room if it's not to your liking.", You gasped and shook your head.

"No no no- it's amazing! This is the biggest apartment I've ever seen!"

You walked in to a large, light hardwood floor, that space leading into an open kitchen across the room from the front door. In the far left of the living room, a hallway that probobly lead to the bed and bathroom. You wandered across the room and into the hallway, to the left was the bathroom, showcasing a large walk- in, rain shower. in the corner, a large round bath tub.

You gasped more in awe. These people had to be some sort of loaded - you'd figured being it was 26 dollars an hour, at least that was the most you'd ever been paid.

As you walked through, Daniel watched you carefully, watching your expression and smiling to himself. You walked into the bedroom, which was carpeted and ginormous. On the far side, right-hand side of the room, there was a door to the balcony.

In the middle of the room, there was a mattress up against the wall.

"I've just received a text that the guys are at your place, and I have them grabbing your bed frame in a separate car. We supply the mattress because we like to ensure your comfort. This brand has been proven to be the most comfortable."

You nod absentmindedly, just excited you were at the new place.

"You start Wednesday, I'll leave you to unpack and get as comfortable as you can." He bowed his head lightly as a goodbye and left the apartment.

You were honestly pretty tired from all of the excitement and just fell asleep on the empty mattress, which wad infact the most comfortable one you'd ever laid on.

Over the coming three days, you unpacked and built your bedframe, turning your apartment more and more into your own every day. The movers had brought your things unto the living room area while you were asleep, which only worried you slightly, but nothing had happened, so you brushed it off.

It was now your real first day. You hear a ring at your doorbell and see a package on the ground. You take it inside and unpack what looks to be a new braw, the one the Dr was talking about assumedly.

You slip it on and adjust yourself as needed, finding joy in the comfort and support. There was an adjustable posture corrector built in with small straps to help adjust from under your arms.

You slipped on a tee shirt over the bra, just another one of your old vintage tees you used for work and your work jeans. You receive a text telling you to meet the Dr at the 'stables' in 15 minutes.

You were super excited. You loved form animals and wondered which one you'd be working with, saying stables would probably mean horses or just a holding for cows.

You drove over to the stable section and parked your car in the small lot in front of the building. You could see a pen that stretched around the back side of the building, but you couldn't see what was in the. The Dr Sylvia met you at the door and smiled.

"Well well. So I see the bra came in. Looks good on you if you don't mind me saying. Is jt comfortable?"

You smiled. "Absolutely! I love it."

A sly smirk slipped across her face. "I'm going to be honest, "You're not going to wear it more in your free time to help build posture and, of course, for when you go out. But this job is alittle different from most. "

This confused you, of course, because in that case, why make the bra and say it was for work? Regardless, she followed her into the building as we're met with an incredibly loud wiring and another sound you couldn't quite place because the sound was so overiden by the machine noise.

The Dr showed you to a small stall that was to your surprise, empty aside from a few things you weren't paying much attention to. The Dr smiled and pulled a small syringe out of her pocket full of a clear liquid.

You cocked your head slightly. "This is an ati-biotic that will help with possible issues with the bulls. Just incase there's anything that we don't catch in time it keeps you from getting sick."

This made sense, so you held out your arm for her, and she shot it into a vein. Within minutes, you felt lightly energetic and then very euphoric. Sylvia smiled as she saw this take effect, and your mind fogged.

She led you into the contraption you hadn't really seen until now, a small bench with arm and leg cuffs. "Undress please", you knew better but couldn't help it. Whatever this was was a truth serum on steroids or something.

Except, instead of telling the truth, you just did everything you were told. You stripped down sheepishly, and she helped you straddle the bench and lock your limbs into place. She adjusted the bench so the back was slightly higher than the front.

Your breasts hung over the front, and a separate arm slipped into place around them, holding your nipples to be aimed down at the ground.

You could feel your chest begin to ache, yout tits felt- full? You were just coming to terms with the possibility of what was about to happen and began to panic internally, though with no real affect to your body, which felt heavily sedated.

You could hear the machine noise start to get quieter, and moans radiated from the stalls around you. Your face flushed as you came to further terms with what was going to happen, then it clicked - bulls. Was there going to be more Minotaurs?

Just then, a door opened up behind you, and you heard huffing as a solution was spread across your entrance, sticking gently between your lips.

"Alright. You are perfectly safe, and all of our bulls know to be gentle with our newcomers. This doesn't mean they won't be exited, but you'll definitely adjust. This Gate behind you will open, and the bulls will be let in."

Sylvia smiled softly and gently ran her fingers through your hair. "You're gorgeous." She winked and left the stall. You heard a latch lock into place, and a buzzer sound as the gate behind you opened

You tried to listen, but it was harder and harder to stay focused. You were feeling less and less sentient by the minute, and God did your tits feel heavy.

You heard scuffing against the hay that coated the wooden floor and tried to listen harder, not knowing what to expect. There sounded like multiple creatures stepping.

The big hulking creatures investigated you, groping softly at your flesh.

"She's perfect," one of them grunted.

"I call first dibs!" You heard what sounded like impact and assumed they were pushing each other around.

Were they fighting over you? The idea made you swoon.

Soon, you felt something wide pressing gently against your entrance.

"Fuck she's so tight!-", one of them moaned out softly as he began to gently tease his tip into your hole. You moaned out softly. You'd had sex a few times, but it was nothing special, but these creatures were so huge. Their tip felt bigger than most toys you'd used if you stacked them onto each other.

He was infact very gentle at first, the other Minotaur walked over infront of you, his cock was room hard and the size of your head, you couldn't help but drool as he gently opened your mouth with his thumb.

"She's pretty too- can't wait to fuck her throat. Her lips are so plush she looks like she gives good head-", He chuckled and rubbed his thumb over your lips, slipping it into your mouth. You sucked softly, you couldn't help it.

Your cunt grew wetter and tried to stretch, gripping desperately at the other creatures' tip. You moaned over the Minotaur in front of you, and he raised his tip to your lips, pulling his thumb out.

You found yourself opening your mouth for him, though not sure if any of it would fit. He chuckled.

"Adam, this one's very eager to please - she might be my new favorite."

"Mine too - fuuck I could do this all day with just my head. I can't wait to feel her pussy when I'm all the way in-"

You blushed softly. You were so watery, but you did feel happy to be used to be useful. He gently pressed his head against your lips, and you tried to greet him with your tongue, licking softly around the exposed head.

You even tried to lean forward slightly to accommodate you. He smiled and stepped forward.

"Oh my god, her tongue is god send-"

"Were gonna have to swap - I wanna try -"

This must've been normal to them. They talked and bickered like this is a daily occurance- favorite? Maybe they'd pick you more- his cock feels so good and it was barely in at all.

As time passed, they began to push themselves further and further into your holes, making themselves fit. Soon enough, adam was keeping a steady rythem and fucking you, his tip alone tickled your cervix without even trying, while the other held your jaw gently while he fucked into your throat.

"Just breathe through your nose and relax your throat, sweetheart. Makes it hurt less."

You found yourself blushing. He was so kind of considering. You listened to his advice, and it made the experience more heavenly. You had been trying to figure out how to do it comfortably for a while. You had a tough oral fixation that you'd been trying to fulfill.

This was everything you never knew you always wanted, your cunt dripped wet around Adam's cock and you drooled on the others, taking them both as far into you as you could.

"How's her mouth feel, Erin?"

"Fucking amazing, she's so good at it!"

You smiled to the best of your ability around him and tried to move your tongue as he thrusted.

Erin's hands moved to the back of your head to steady it as he moved, yiu could feel his cock throbbing in your throat and even swallowed around him to help him finish, moaning lewdly anyway from Adam's roughness with your pussy.

"Fuck I'm so close!", Erin called out and his hips picked up speed, your brain went almost entirely foggy, this was the best thing you'd ever experienced, Adam groaned and he picked up speed aswell, you could feel his knot pressing up against your entranced as he desperately tried to fuck it into you.

Within five minutes he'd managed to shove his knot in your drooling cunt and Erin pushed his knot to your lips as he came harshly down your throat, you choked lightly but tried your best to swallow.

Adam spewed cum what felt like right into your womb and you cried out and coughed slightly against Eric's length. He pulled out of your mouth and you gasped for air.

"You're stuck here for a minute, doll. Gotta make sure you get bred properly."

You nodded and gripped at his shaft with your walls. During the wait period, Erin smiled and petted your head gently, playing with your hair.

"You did such a good job for us. We're gonna swap out and have s'more fun with you, and then you'll get your pretty tits milked." He chuckled and gropped one of your aching breasts. You whined and struggled lightly against your restraints.

"I'd better not. Dr Sylvia gets irritated if we milk you and waste it."

You were confused about the milking, but you truly felt like a breeding cow. It was your favorite thing.

After a moment, finally Adam's knot swelling went down, and he was able to pull out of you. His cum spilled out of you and slipped down your thighs. It was so warm. They swapped places and you finally were eye to eye with the cock that had filled you to your cervix and allyou could think about was getting it into your mouth.

You opened your mouth for him, sticking your togue out. He pressed his head to your tongue and immediately shoved unto your throat. As Adam plunged unto your throat, Erin pushed violently into your stretched, swollen pussy.

They both let go of being gentle, fucking you roughly from both ends, your brain just melted into what you now knew to be affection from the two bulls. If you were turned into a cow for them. So be it.

You were reeling and losing your mind as they used you, your cunt gripped at Eric harshly as you came violently and squirted against the bench you were against.

This caused Eric to shove his knot in you, he cane quicker than he thought he could, he'd never had a pissy so good and he was so sensitive from the first use that it was so easy.

Adam, however, was not satisfied so easily, gripping your head and absentmindedly fucking roughly into your throat, his knot pressing against the your mouth. You did everything you could just like with the other, massaging his coks with your throat as you moaned and swallowed against him. He groaned and gripped your hair as his cock throbbed.

"Fuck- fuck- right there, fuck your tongue is so good!", He grunted as he pushed into your throat as far as he could and came down your throat, you swallowed against him, sucking on him like a straw.

He pulled out of your mouth and chuckled, petting your head softly. Both of the creatures bent down in front of you and littered your face with licks and kisses, both of them groping you softly and affectionately.

"You were wonderful, love. Thank you for your time." They left through the gate. They came in and pressed a button that closed the gate, a soft alarm sounded, and the Dr came in.

"Well, did you have fun on your first day?"

She smiled and carried a machine into the stall, a pump of some kind and attached the sucker's to your breasts.

You nodded haphazardly, and she turned on the machine. Your tits were so sensitive, but them finally being drained from being so heavy was so relieving. Your legs quivered and sme smiled up at you, crouched on the ground.

"Look at you! You took them so well. And you'll do this every day and be driven back to your apartment by an assistant. We'll have someone take your car back to the parking lot, and you can be picked up as well to make it easier. We just have to assign you a caretaker. If you don't mind, I'd like that to be me."

She looked up at you with those beautiful eyes, and how could you say no? Your tits were empty before you knew it, and she detached the sucker's.

"Look at all the milk you made! Wow!"

She sat it down to the side and gathered your clothes for you and wrapped you up in a robe shed briyght, helping you back to the little golf cart she used to get around. She helped you in and handed you your clothes to hold and put your milk container on the back.

She drove you to your apartment, letting you rest quietly. Once you arrived at your building, she helped you up the stairs and into your apartment, which she was given an extra key to. Sylvia helped you into your room and laid you down on the bed.

"You should rest for an hour and then take a bath to help relax your muscles and, of course, clean up. Have a good night."

She left you alone to your dazed thoughts. You sobered up from whatever shot she gave you and cleaned yourself up. You were so excited for tomorrow.

[good-chimes]

[HOTGUY!] HAS ONE NEW MAIL

Users with permissions to this shared mailbox:

Bdubs (role: Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes, Actor). Last login: Today.

Cub (role: Hotguy PR Agent). Last login: Today.

Scar (role: IT’S ME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ONE AND ONLY!). Last login: 215 days ago.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: are you there?

is this hotguy’s email? i thought you were coming on patrol?

Why do you NEVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE

-cg

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: The VALUES AND PRINCIPLES of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

Dear Cub (if that’s your real name),

Now that you’ve been working for Scar for several weeks, I realized I never sent you any AGENCY INTRODUCTION documents. That’s okay! None of us are perfect, despite what you might feel when you look at me.

For your ENJOYMENT and EDUCATION, here are:

The Founding Principles of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

1.   Bdubs is Scar’s favorite employee.

1a.   Bdubs is also Hotguy’s favorite employee DESPITE the fact he does not technically work for Hotguy, and no upstart new PR agent is going to change that.

2.   Hotguy’s identity is a secret. You must never reveal that we both work for the same person. Take it to your grave if you have to.  

3.   However, if you see someone talking shit online about Hotguy or Scar you should immediately defend his honor. I often do this and you can see the results in the shared folder admin\arguments_bdubs_has_won. You might not be as good as me at winning debates on the internet—don’t worry!! I can give you tips.

4.   Here at the agency, we have the HIGHEST STANDARDS in responding to emails from the public. I noticed there are SEVERAL HUNDRED UNANSWERED EMAILS sent to Hotguy’s addresses that redirect to our shared mailbox. Scar is a very busy man! It is YOUR JOB to clear these out.

5.   We are open and helpful with everyone. Except hostile journalists. And the TCG. And the tax authorities. And anyone who might want Scar to do anything unreasonable like ‘be on time for something’. Keep this in mind as you go through the inbox.

All The Best!!!

Bdubs

P.S. I have noticed that admin\important_documents is now full of files called ‘virus1.exe’ ‘virus2 (gov encryption).exe’ ‘virus3 (might be sentient).exe’ etc. Explain this!?

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: RE: The VALUES AND PRINCIPLES of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

Yeah man cool this all sounds great

Scar seems to have a few email addresses that feed into here. i’ve sent replies according to which one the public emailed:

hotguy@hotguy.com — i replied to some of these but then i kinda got bored and started sending links to cool space facts instead. People will appreciate these i’m sure.

EMAIL_HOTGUY!!@hotguy.com — sent everyone a bulk reply of “Thank you for EMAILING_HOTGUY!! Hotguy loves you!”

FAN_LETTERS_THIS_WAY@hotguy.com — sent everyone a photo of Scar in his Hotguy costume

I_NEED_HOTGUY_NOW!@hotguy.com — sent everyone a photo of Scar in his Hotguy costume minus the shirt

super.cool.arrow.giveaway.for.fans@hotguy.com — sent everyone who gave their address some trick arrows. Only some of them will explode.

law.enforcement.collaboration@hotguy.com — redirected this one to spam

boring.tax.stuff@scargoodtimes.com — also redirected this one to spam. replying to the IRS just encourages them.

inbox zero, my friend. we’re ready for the next concerned citizen to write to us. Let’s go.

Cheers,

Cub

P.S. don’t worry about the viruses. Just a hobby. they’re in \important_documents because I needed a folder that scar never clicks on.

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: Re: The VALUES AND PRINCIPLES of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

Dear Cub,

Interesting. INTERESTING.

Don’t think you’re going to work your way into Scar’s affections with CLEVER VIRUSES and SHIRTLESS PICS OF HIMSELF. I see your game.

I’ve been Scar’s agent for years and I think when things heat up you might find this job too hot to handle.

All the Best!!!!

Bdubs

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: TCG Special Officer <vigilante.oversight@tcg.gov>

Subject: OFFICIAL REVIEW NOTIFICATION

Dear Hotguy (civilian identity unknown),

We are currently undertaking a review of your recent vigilante activities as ‘Hotguy’.

Vigilantes (‘heroes’) are encouraged to protect citizens and cooperate with the TCG. For this we require vigilantes to regularly communicate with their TCG liaisons, attend emergencies on request, and support law enforcement operations.

None of our emails to <law.enforcement.collaboration@hotguy.com> have been answered—I was going to say ‘in some time’, but I checked our file on you, and it turns out the right word is ‘ever’. You have never answered an email from the TCG. I am sure you can see why this is an issue.

We do admittedly have some difficulty getting vigilantes to ever listen to us, but this is a new low in obstructionism.

We have requested your assistance in investigating thefts from two biotech laboratories, vandalism at a local redstone supplies shop, and multiple call-outs to security incidents at Mumbocorp. You have completely ignored all of these requests. We note you have instead caused widespread chaos, disrupted several TCG operations, and at one point impersonated the Mayor in order to trick ‘Doctor M’ into purchasing a non-existent bridge. 

May I remind you that vigilante activity is only legal insofar as we decline to prosecute heroes for property damage. Kindly reach out to our liaison department immediately so we can work together on collaborative action under the direction of the correct authorities.

On behalf of Head Agent V. Berger,

Special Officer #49

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: are you there?

who is answering hotguy’s emails and why have you sent me a list of top supernovas! this is NOT HELPFUL

 ------------------------------------

To: TCG Special Officer <vigilante.oversight@tcg.gov>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: OFFICIAL REVIEW NOTIFICATION

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for reaching out about the availability of Hotguy. Hotguy is unable to respond himself because he is rescuing kittens from tragically falling into rivers, an activity that has fully occupied him for the past eighteen months.

This is quite the list of criminal events, my friend. I thought the TCG had this kind of thing under control. It’s concerning that you don’t. Doesn’t make your TCG department look super great, huh?

Thinking about it, this really seems like something the Police Commissioner should know about. If you’ve lost the Commissioner’s email address, don’t worry. I found it on a forum.

Cheers,

Cub

Hotguy PR Agent

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: TCG Special Officer <vigilante.oversight@tcg.gov>

Subject: Re: OFFICIAL REVIEW NOTIFICATION

Dear Hotguy’s PR Agent,

I understand as a law-abiding Hermitopia resident, you may be alarmed at descriptions of disorder intended for Hotguy’s eyes only. Please do not be concerned.  We also strongly recommend you do not forward this chain to the Police Commissioner. As you will see from the news, the city is peaceful and everything is completely under control.

Kind Regards,

Special Officer #49

  ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

THERE ARE THREE HUNDRED CHICKENS WITH LASERS ON FIFTH STREET

tell hotguy to call me he’s not picking up!!!

-cg

  ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Regrettably Hotguy is not available as he is escorting orphans to the North Pole to tour Santa’s workshop.

Cheers,

Cub

Hotguy PR Agent

  ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

it’s JULY

 ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

Hotguy believes in being prepared

is this really cuteguy? what’s going on?

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

i was coming back from patrol and going to pick up my pizza. i always get pizza, cub, you have to understand this is an important part of patrol.

when i turn the corner to my normal pizza place there are

AT LEAST FIVE HUNDRED CHICKENS WITH BEAK-MOUNTED LASERS

ALL OVER THE STREET

BETWEEN ME AND MY PIZZA

they’re milling around and scratching like someone just dumped them here. whenever they squawk they burn a tiny hole in the nearest wall. i tried to get near one to look at the device on their beaks and i nearly got my finger burned off.

now i’m on a roof. i want my PIZZA, cub. i’m a close-range fighter and i’m not getting up close with a laser chicken. this seems like a hotguy problem!

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Helloooo,

My name is Pearl Moon, and I’m a reporter with the Hermit Herald. I heard Hotguy has a new PR agent at this address. I’m not going to lie, I’m delighted. Hotguy’s a great guy for a quote, obviously, but getting hold of him is kind of a nightmare.

I’m at the scene of the Eighth Annual Fried Donut Festival. I’m contacting you because a citizen running a stall has allegedly just seen a, I quote, “weaponized chicken”.

According to them, it shot an “adorable laser” into their supplies, punctured a hole in their fruit toppings cooler, and ran under the stalls. I’ve been on this beat for a while and this sounds like a Doctor Monster or a Zedaph special to me. Personally, my money’s on Doc.

I know your client and Doctor Monster go back a long way, so I was wondering if we might see Hotguy himself swooping in?

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

  ------------------------------------

To: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Dear Concerned Journalist,

Thank you for your email. As you know, Hotguy is currently in Canada fighting smallpox by shooting individual bacteria with a special crossbow, for which he has received a commendation from their Prime Minister.

I’ve just contacted him to get a quote about the chicken and he definitely said, “Seems bad.”

Enjoy the festival! Feel free to send Hotguy a souvenir donut box to my address.

Cheers,

Cub

Hotguy PR Agent

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

there’s some kind of festival with crowds of civilians going on in the next street. the chickens are wandering towards it. to make everything worse, i think i saw a newsreader van.

this is funny but also very bad.

i’m going to see if i can lead the chickens away from the festival with some bait, since hotguy’s obviously too busy admiring his own biceps in the mirror to help. i’ve got half a granola bar and an apple core. this is going to work really well for eight hundred chickens. here goes nothing.

if hotguy wakes up from his afternoon nap, you can tell him we didn’t even need him.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Dear Cub,

I’m pretty sure Canada doesn’t have smallpox anymore. I don’t think anywhere has smallpox.

New update: Several hundred chickens have just erupted into the festival from a side street. They all appear to have lasers. The sheer weight of poultry has overturned two artisan donut stalls, which has caused what I’m going to describe as “mass panic” as people try and avoid the laser beams. People screaming, people running, everything coated in a fine layer of powdered sugar. No injuries yet, but it looks like the Prize-Winning Triple Marshmallow Churro Donut display will never be the same again.

Also, I swear I just saw Cuteguy.

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

i got ONE chicken with the granola bar and NOW IT’S DECIDED IT’S MY BEST FRIEND. it keeps trying to fly into my arms! this is not helping!!

its friends are now all over the stalls. the laser chicken breed has discovered a new staple food and it’s fried donuts. this is NOT my fault. clearly none of this is my fault.

oh god now there’s two TCG agents coming over to see what all the shouting is about. the chicken radius is growing. there’s a folk band on a bicycle and a chicken just launched itself into their tuba.

i’m going to try and round the rest of them up. keep the TCG off my back and tell hotguy to do ANYTHING HELPFUL AT ALL.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Situation update: Cuteguy is in the middle of a huge crowd of shouting people and appears to be clutching a chicken. Also, Doctor Monster has turned up. He’s trying to give a dramatic speech about his “evolved chickens” from a nearby rooftop through a loudhailer, but I’ll be honest, everyone seems more interested in Cuteguy.

#laserchickendisaster and #whereishotguy are trending on Chatter, but no sign of Hotguy yet! Sure he doesn’t want to give us a longer quote?

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

I have a cool contraption that you could probably use for catching chickens. downside is you do need some plutonium. Not much but, like, not a legal amount.

Alternately i also have a great recipe for roast chicken

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

we are not roasting these chickens, cub, the chickens have done nothing wrong!! And WHY DO YOU HAVE PLUTONIUM, WE TOLD YOU TO STOP THE DARK SCIENCE. DO SOMETHING USEFUL ABOUT THIS FESTIVAL SITUATION INSTEAD.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Situation update: Doctor Monster has now turned his loudhailer on Cuteguy and accused him of stealing his evolved chickens. He seems very upset. The Doctor has declined an interview, but I’ve got some incredible photos and the powdered sugar really suits him.

I’m trying to get a quote from Cuteguy but it’s quite difficult to even see him through the crowd, and the chickens, and the German street band, and the displaced donut vendors, and the TCG agents who are trying quite earnestly to get to him, and—did I mention—the chickens.

My camera team is getting some great footage, but do you know what his plan was here?

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

everyone in the crowd thinks i own these chickens!! one of the chickens has set fire to a hot oil vat and a journalist is after me and an old lady keeps trying to hit me with her handbag!!!

DOC IS NOW TAKING POT SHOTS AT ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I HATE THIS JOB.

i’m behind cover

it won’t last

if you don’t get hotguy here now i’m never speaking to him again

 ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

nooo you’re doing great man, knocking it out the park. Doesn’t sound like you need Hotguy.

you’re a hero too, right?

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

okay cub listen.

i don’t WANT hotguy. if i could fix this chicken situation without the city’s most annoying vigilante turning up to take the credit, believe me, i would have done it already.

but you know what hotguy can do? he can win the crowd. hotguy’s always on the right side. nobody would ever accuse hotguy of owning fifteen hundred laser chickens. he tells people about hope and teamwork stuff and they believe him.

oh god

the TCG are here and i’m apparently target number one.

they’ve just spotted me on this gazebo and i’ve got no good roof to jump to. i’ll have to make a run for it. if you don’t hear from me again, i might have got arrested.

hotguy spouts all that rubbish about teamwork, but hey, it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t believe in it himself!

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: what I’m about to suggest is legal

we should help him huh

do you know where scar is? like which cell phone towers might be close. I’ve got a map of the towers if you can give me a location.

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: this sounds NOT legal

BDUBS TO THE RESCUE, AS ALWAYS. You’re welcome.

Scar is actually recording a snack commercial over on Twelfth Street. Details in projects\casting_directors_bdubs_is_not_feuding_with\dumb_projects_we_have_to_book_for_money\Sparkle!Cereal!

  ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: this is 100% legal white hat hacking definitely

okay I’ve remotely accessed Scar’s phone and put a klaxon on it. Should be audible two hundred yards away.

I’m gonna call him now.

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Situation update from your reporter on the ground (still no quote from the guy himself?)

Cuteguy has been showing great stamina in the chase that’s been going on. The camera crew is impressed!

He is currently being pursued by:

1.   Doc

2.   Doc’s cyborg guard robot

3.   Two TCG agents

4.   Three hundred and sixty chickens (approx.), one of which believes Cuteguy is its best friend

5.   Several animal activists attempting to recapture the chickens

6.   A bar crawl that seems to think they’re doing a parade and wanted to join in

7.   A German band on a long bicycle with two clarinets and a man trying to shake a chicken out of his tuba

Cuteguy is…looking back over his shoulder?

Oh, wait! Situation update paused!

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

HE’S HERE

HE’S ACTUALLY HERE

FINALLY

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Hotguy has arrived!

He’s swooped in with three trick arrow shots that set off fireworks above the crowd, rappelled straight up to Doc on the roof, and started a fist fight with him. It’s very dramatic. I’m not sure he’s actually landing any of those blows.

Helpfully for Cuteguy, no one is looking at him anymore. He’s surreptitiously putting distance between himself and the TCG agents.

Doc is now making another speech while fighting Hotguy. If I’m honest, he seems pretty happy he’s finally getting the credit for his own evil plot. We’ve got a close-up on him. Doc would like us all to know that this is the future of poultry, the future of lasers, and possibly the future of donuts? Last part a bit unclear as at that point Hotguy threw his loudhailer off the roof.

Meanwhile, Cuteguy is trying to lure the chickens away from the civilians with pieces of donut. This would be working better if the crowd weren’t all shoving forwards to try to get a better look at Doc.

Doc has taken off on a jetpack declaring he’ll “be back!”. Hotguy has given him a thumbs up.

Oh, now Hotguy has finally caught on to what Cuteguy is trying to do and is chivvying the crowd to help herd the chickens away with donuts for bait. Donuts are flying. The crowd is now enthusiastically participating in this donut-tossing activity. The chickens are delighted. Hotguy has spotted our camera team chasing him and we’re getting a lot of that action-shot this-is-my-good-side pose.

Hotguy and Cuteguy work together pretty well when they get going, huh?

Now Hotguy has swung down to land in the middle of the crowd and put an arm around each of the TCG agents, who are heavily dusted in sugar and look somewhat sheepish. What a nicely framed shot! Almost as if Hotguy pushed them into position for the cameras.

Well, I suppose I’m writing an article about how much Hotguy helps the TCG.

Your client owes me one.

Doc’s guard robot has rounded up the chickens that Hotguy and Cuteguy have funneled back into a nearby alley. It seems to be putting them in large nets. The local pizza place has a sign that says RIGATONI JONES PIZZA: CLOSED DUE TO CHICKEN EMERGENCY, and for some reason Cuteguy seems upset about this. Excitement over, I suppose?

I do hope you tell Hotguy how helpful the Herald was! Next time he’s got a tip-off to share, just tell him to remember your friendly local journalist Pearl Moon.

He knows where to find me ;)

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: hmm

You know, Cub, I’ve been thinking. That wasn’t bad, how you got hold of Scar. NOT BAD AT ALL. I am starting to think you might be a useful type of person to have around.

All The Best

Bdubs

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: Re: hmm

cheers man

i’ve rigged the klaxon so it plays when either of us or cuteguy calls scar. if he waits too long to answer it starts to play the whole Lilo and Stitch movie audio. if anyone asks this is not technically a virus.

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: Re: hmm

I LOVE it. I love it.

You know, I have a whole list of casting directors I think you could test some virus development on. It would do them good. Keep them on their toes!! (I believe this is called…“white hat”).

I am HEREBY going to let you into my most SECRET FOLDER.

<Bdubs@scargoodtimes.com> has shared admin\nemesis_list

Maybe start with ‘casting_directors_who_do_not_recognise_bdubs_talent-spotting_genius’ and ‘producers_who_were_rude_to_scar’

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: Re: hmm

leave it to me, man

we’re gonna go far

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ START | PREVIOUS | NEXT ] [ MERCH ] [ MISC ]

My piece for the Hotguy comic zinethology! Thank you so much to editor @antimony-medusa and designer @cocoabats (I have used tumblr’s format for most of it because my eyes are too bad for pdf scaling on my phone, but for the FULL INCREDIBLE HOTGUY EXPERIENCE you will want to download the actual zine at @hotguycomiczine!!)

[fuck-customers]

Being a secretary is maddening. I spend all day hounding clients to send me their documents. The bulk of the actual work I do takes so much less time than getting nepo baby businessmen to do the bare minimum. All day I’m spam calling guys who make more money in one month than I’ll ever have in my bank account—telling them they need to spend 5 minutes at a computer to make it possible for their time sensitive task to get done. Just send me the files. Send me the files that your secretary prepared for me in a folder labeled “Send to anon at email dot com” -literally everything gets spoonfed to them and it still takes weeks- and the spot shit gets stuck on is always the execs wanting to “check” their employee’s work before sending it out… except they can’t even be assed to read the damn documents that are, I cannot stress this enough, critical for the continuation of their company that theyre so proud of. So it sits on their desk for two weeks while I bother their whole office, until they finally just send it, unread, with “DRAFT - DELETE BEFORE SENDING” in the header and a blank signature line on the bottom. Thankfully the job benefits include mental health coverage, because there is an intense concoction of prescription pharmaceuticals behind my customer service persona that makes it impenetrable. Otherwise i would genuinely flip my cubicle.

Posted by admin Rodney