#btw if u read all that. u deserve the world <33< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[cryptix-art]

(⚔️💚7/8❤️🪐)

EVERYONE !!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP !!!!!!! IT’S ZOEL DAY !!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Ok so warning I am about to be. VERY CRINGE right now while I talk abt my silly little selfship and I will be VERY SAPPY so if u don’t wanna read that just very kindly go away !!! ANYWAYS !!!! HOLY SHIT !!!! It’s officially been a WHOLE YEAR since I started shipping these two… they mean sm to me actually I could cry (I’m in tears rn 💀💀). Sooooo ZoEl was smth I started PURELY as a coping mechanism… and while I’ve been hesitant to call it what it is, having Elio to use as a way to ship myself with a fictional character LITERALLY AS CRINGE AS THAT SOUNDS has genuinely changed my life in the BEST way possible 🥹🫶🏼 Like whenever I was feeling down or going thru a depressive episode, thinking abt having Zoro there with me genuinely made me motivated enough to get up n do shit !!! Like I could do a whole separate rant abt how One Piece as a whole has done that exact same thing but idk… it feels sm more special with Zo <33 And even now, TO THIS DAY, the best escapism method I have rn always ties back to ZoEl… wether it be cooking up new lore, thinking abt their future, thinking abt how the other Straw Hats would tease tf out of them, this ship always puts me in a good mood. PLUS I haven’t even gotten to talk abt all the cool ppl I’ve met because I started to interact with ppl in the community !! I’ve made such lovely mutuals that also (while not exactly in the One Piece verse) have the COOLEST OC x Canon/Yumeships AND THEY HAVE BEEN THE SWEETEST PPL EVER… srsly they help me feel much more confident in sharing abt these two and it’s been lovely knowing them 🫶🏼🫶🏼 Agh I just love my fictional bf sm… and Elio is ok I GUESS 😒 (/j) SO YEAH !!! HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ZOEL !!! 🥰🥰💚❤️⚔️🪐🫶🏼🫶🏼 Roronoa Zoro I will always love u <33

[vgilantee]

Hun no, it's hard ik (been in the same situation) but trust me you do deserve it. For multiple reasons!! First, living is hard cus srsly the world is hard and you're still alive! Second, writing is HARD idk how you do it but trust me so many ppl cannot. Yet you do. You come up with all these amazing ideas and stories and literally share it with us too?? That's so good, that's amazing! I love your writings and your lil thoughts and other ppl do too! Not to mention you might deal w mean anons which makes it harder cus why. Then you're doing things, you're going through life, you're doing your everyday things and making it through the day. You have achieved so much in life and maybe it doesnt feel like it or like you dont deserve it, but you do. You very much do. Even for the little things you've achieved in life.

I just wanna tell you that you do deserve it. You deserve all the good things in life, even if you've done nothing tdy you still deserve it cus you exist. And a lot of people are glad you exist. That's an achievement itself, so just know you do. Even if you dont feel like it right now I hope you realize that you deserve this and more. Ily please take care of yourself <33 (u dont have to post this btw just wanted to tell you nd didnt know if I could dm u 😭) ilyy YOU DESERVE STUFF. GOOD STUFF. Dont let the mean subconscious dad tell you otherwise, he can stay unconscious in there <33

i’ve read this over like four times and my eyes get all wet every time bit it’s the last bit that is the final punch in the chest that spills the tears because god i hate how much he still fucks with me. and he never even loved me so why did i ever care what he thought?!

[ahqkas]

HIHIHIII!! Good Afternoon!! I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself <3 Im SO sorry for the delayed reply and messages, I got back a few hours ago and I got quite distracted HAHAHA (aka I’m betraying my family in card games 😎),, but rlly, I hope you’re doing well, good luck in your flight btw!! Have fun and Good Luck 👀 YOURE OUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN THE MAKING WE LOVE YOU ‼️‼️‼️❤️❤️❤️

Anw, YES its so true that Mattheo pretended to suck bc cool guy trend, but I DO think that he’s capable of doing them all!! Honestly good on Theo for influencing Mattheo tbh 😭😭 my mans need to pass those classes to advance!! He would be a MASTER at DADA and Potions, ngl remember that scene where theres a door that shows their biggest fears ??? i think something involving voldemort would show up in mattheo’s, and that’ll be the talk of the school for a while!

OOH, I HAD THE SAME THOUGHTS ON HIS NIGHTMARES!! WERE TWINNING!! I do agree that a lot of his nightmares would contain about his past, and more specifically its most likely like sequence of events. I dare say that I think he would have a nightmare where he has to follow on his father’s footsteps and then he’s screaming on his dream— and then Theo wakes him up and stuff! Theo and Mattheo are such a good duo too, they’re there for each other in nightmares and such <3,, OOH regarding his mother, I had a thought that maybe Mattheo tried to find his Mother in both the Wizarding world and the muggle realm ngl!!

Anywayys, I hope you’re doing great and having fun! ALSOO advance congratulations for 1K Followers!! AHH u deserve them sm! Your writing is growing whenever I read it, and I’m glad youre getting the recognition you deserve for ur hard work!! Take care of yourself always, and stay safe <33 - c: anon

HIII ANGEL I MISSED YOU SMM 🥹🥹 it’s okay , how was your trip ?? i have the flight booked on sunday morning && i’m flying back on monday evening ! thank u ily <33

oooh yes that’s such a great idea !!! he’d be nervous to see his biggest fear appear in front of him && maybe he even thought it would take an appearance of something relatively small yk? maybe the women from the orphanage or the kids who made fun of him the whole childhood but deep down he knew it could also take a form of his father , which it did in the end. oh and it definitely would turn into series of whispers around the school . u just gave me a fic idea 😭😭

theo & mattheo are really special to me , i adore their bond like no one else istg . OHHH that’s really interesting ! i think so as well , he grew up deprived of his mother’s love (and father’s too) so it’s only logical he’d want to find her & maybe even demand an explanation why?

which makes me think !! what do you think mattheo would see in the mirror of erised if he looked into it? i’m planning on writing a fic on this though && i already have some ideas as to what could he see but i’d like to hear your thoughts on this 🤍

[alphabetboyluvr]

Hey Holly!

How’ve you been? How was the trip? Saw some beautiful pictures on your ig story and got super excited for u!! <3

This is gonna be a long one but here goes!

I’m here because I wanted to tell u how much I love each and every one of the characters you’ve written. I’ve read most of your works and each one has its own beauty and aura(?) that is so uniquely its own. Bd!jk and B and so different from CV!jk and Annie who are so different to YU?!jk and Neva that it messes with my head sometimes. How you’ve managed to give jk such a distinct yet familiar personality is truly astounding.

I’m so happy seeing all the love you receive for BD (which is so soooo very well deserved btw) but i think we don’t talk enough about CV. I mean the plot. The characters. The attention to detail. The insane storytelling. Heck, even the chapter names leave me in such awe. I’m truly truly grateful to have found your work when I did and I know it’s silly to say that I’m a changed person for it. The kindness u show us and the love u have for the tannies is so heartwarming. Holly, I hope the people around u know how lucky they are to be in your presence. Your work is not just some silly little stories, it’s a piece of you that you’ve chosen to share with the world and it is such a privlidge. I don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about it.

The amount of times I’ve cried tears (good and bad ones) from all the emotions surprises me too. I constantly think about your writing and even though this past year I’ve given a piece of my heart to bd I think a bigger chunk will always go to color Vision. This is in no way a comparison of your work, it’s just something I’ve come to realize recently that cv just has a very special place in my heart. However, in my mind I’m practically married to bd jk and he’s MINE (sorry B :3)

Sorry for the rambling but I hope u know that u have a forever fan <3

-BG

helloooooo!!

my trip was really lovely thank you - it was a bucket list location for me, and I got to experience it with one of my best friends in the whole entire world so yeah, super special <33

before i get into it, i just wanna say thank u for sharing your thoughts with me - I know it takes a fair amount of time to send an ask like this and so I really appreciate it!!

i always like to think of my jk characters as multiverse versions of each other. there are similarities that run through (after all, they're all based on the same muse!!), but they all have different lives that shape them into the character they are.

ahhh cv <3 im currently in the process of doing some edits to it and honestly I wish I had more time to devote crafting it into an even better story. i love the world the world of cv - I'm constantly thinking about the spin off stories I could write (like hobis, gawwd I wanna explore his experience of colour!!)

I know it’s silly to say that I’m a changed person for it.

i'm always in such a state of disbelief whenever I read things like this. to know I've had an impact - and a positive one at that - is just wild to me, and you'll never know how appreciative I am.

writing these stories has really been helpful for me, and sometimes can be a way that I process my own issues. I'm a changed person for them, too.

thank you thank you thank you for this overwhelmingly gorgeous display of kindness.

im so lucky <3

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Wednesday, December 13

SPIKE: “What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still a foot. (Turns the TV off) That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there. - What, can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all. – Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies – and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! - Let’s kill something!

~~BtVS 4x11 “Doomed”~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Torn (Buffy, Angel,PG) by badly_knitted

Evil Corporations Ahoy (Xander, Assassin's Creed xover, T) by madimpossibledreamer

Doctor Dawn (Buffy, Dawn, T) by ialwayscomewhenyoucall

Secret (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by DarkVoid116

Waking Up In Vegas (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by MillennialCryBaby

Sugar (Buffy/Spike, PG) by honeygirl51885

The Merry Month of Magnus Presents... Light the Candles (Buffy/Spike, G) by Julikobold

Nice (Buffy/Spike, G) by honeygirl51885

[Chaptered Fiction]

Breathe Again, Chapter 17/17 Complete! (Angel/Cordelia, M) by Califi62

Days of Future Past, Chapter 34/34 Complete! (Buffy/OC, Angel/OC, Buffy/Angel, M) by a2zmom

Blood and Chaos, Chapter 67 (Amy, M) by Aetheron, quote_Amy_unquote (Sannah_banana)

Swimming Against the Current, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Gage, T) by dwinchester

New York, Chapter 33/43 (Giles/Xander, M) by drsquidlove

[French language] Les deux Phénix, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Faith, M) by FridayQueen

Advent Calendiles, Chapter 13 (Giles/Jenny, G) by HAL1500

Shadow Over Hellmouth, Chapter 67 (Buffy/Tara, Ensemble, M) by Tuxedo Mark

[French language] Do as Romans do, Chapter 9 (Dawn/Spike, T) by OldGirl-NoraArlani

Twice Broken, Thrice Burnt, Chapter 22 Complete! (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by ClowniestLivEver

Dress, Chapters 1-2 Complete! (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by scratchmeout

Poems in A Minor, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by all_choseny

The Mayor Dates, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by Desicat

Spuffy's Little Helper, Chapter 13 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Alyot

A Very Summers Winter, Chapter 13 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by VeroNyxK84

Dress, Chapters 1-2 Complete! (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by scratchmeout

Poems in A Minor, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by all_choseny

Blood and Dust, Chapter 9 (Buffy/Spike, M) by Blackoberst

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: They are siblings btw(trust) (Willow, Spike, worksafe) by pzyii

Artwork: [Spike and Buffy hugging] (worksafe) by lialivingart

Artwork: ultimate wlw/mlm solidarity if u ask me (Willow, Oz, worksafe) by mistyintherivers

Artwork: I had so much fun playing with this art for Cornerofmadness’ slayer fic Deep Dark Sky for the wipbigbang (Dawn, Connor, drawn in bathing suits) by mindofmim

Artwork: girls night out (Tara, Willow, Buffy, Anya, worksafe) by spikedru

Artwork: willow (worksafe) by ournarrowslice

Moodboard: 365 characters; faith lehane (buffy the vampire slayer) (worksafe) by sylthrein

[Reviews & Recaps]

[Boom! comics] I finally got around to reading The Lost Summer and it is so good. by takaraphoenix

PODCAST: HELLMOUTH HOMOS: The Zeppo by Fear Queers

PODCAST: Episode 44: The Zeppo by Gym Was Cancelled

[In Search Of]

ISO: Looking for Dark!Angelus and/or Dark!Spike x Reader fanfics requested by taintedgenre

[Community Announcements]

We’ve now turned on response editing for the sign up form! by februaryfangfest

[Fandom Discussions]

[anti bangel meta] by yugiohio

I truly hope btvs does not get rebooted by reh-hateshumans

[anon ask] Is there more buffy the vampire slayer comic coming out? answered by buffythecomicslayer

Eternally obsessed with the claddagh ring scene in Buffy when Angel gives it to her by mayhemghost

[meta about Willow / Dark Willow] by girl4music

“Is it murder if the person deserved it? Warren deserved it. Rack deserved it.” — Erm… Yes. by girl4music

Thinking about when Willow was about to end the world out of grief and anger and Xander’s reaction by strawberrypuffmotherfucker

what I love about the buffyverse as a writer is that literally nothing’s off the table by vampswritings

I’m never gonna get over and therefore never gonna stop talking about how much I adore the compelling complexity of [Willow] by girl4music

The First and The Turok-han Invasion continued by garfan

Camden Toy RIP by multiple posters

Amy is so obnoxiously annoying in "The Killer Me" why is she jealous that Willow's friends were close to her again after season 6? continued by NoShip

Who else finds it very hard to watch the scene between Angel and Connor in 4x22? by JellyfishDry9464

First time watcher, up to season 3 - When should I start watching Angel? Will it be obvious in the show or no? by International_Half61

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: Camden Toy Succumbs to Pancreatic Cancer by SCIFI.radio

PUBLICATION: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel Actor Camden Toy Passes Away by SuperHeroHype

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Join the editor team :)

[surrealsunday]

yesss it really is eliott, the way once he realizes and accepts his feeling truly he's 100% in it. exactly lucas deserved his intimate moment to be this vulnerable, all the hugs in the world too 🥺 yeah that make up moment was truly so well-written, not too rushed but not too slow either. you can really feel they're taking their time even tho it won't be 🌸 easy and paradise 🌸 right away. IKR this is so eliott to have a contact name like that for lucas pls, just so soft 💗 the paintball scene is probably one of my favorite tbh! so i'm glad you took your time and wrote it when you where in the mood bc it was totally worth it! :))

and well said! so those last moments with them will be worth it (as always), they deserve to have that perfect closure (us as well btw). i don't wanna say goodbye to my babies either tho, but it'll be a great way to finish my vacations since i'm going back to uni next week (yay 😐) shshfhizk

looking forward for this last chapter, i feel like it's gonna be EPIC! ❤‍🔥

wishing you a great weekend as well <33 :)

hey! also i just saw the asks abt max and axel bday pics and it was everything, made my week and all 🥺 their friendship is just so awesome 💗

but i 100% agree on their…hair/facial choices? 😭 like i love them with all my heart but this…guys…please…the moustache is kinda questionable to me so i don’t really mind it that much ? i guess ? but the bleach…oh god it’s a big nope sorry (not sorry) bleach maxence enjoyers but…like u said with the grown roots it kinda is better, i won’t lie, but still 😭(i also agree abt a bleach eliott in a band fic, would really fit 😌)

Lucas vulnerable moments are definitely precious in this story and I was pretty careful with them (destroying him the once was enough). It's been really nice to get to the soft and happy part of the story. It all feels very delicate when I edit it and I hope it'll read that way. You'll have the chapter I just posted and an epilogue to get you through the return to uni. I wish you all the good vibes! Going back to work after holiday was... not it 😂. I'm still really struggling to get back into work mode.

And yesssss how cute are Maxence and Axel? I love that they really did have a soul connection and they have stayed friends. It makes my heart happy.

I am laughing over your comments on the hair/ facial choices. They are both just such... boys in their 20s aldkfjalksdfj. Good for them truly. I will just complain lmao. And I am SO SURE that Axel thinks his 70s pornstar mustache is hilarious. Like, I have no doubt he will revel in people being horrified by it. He and Lucas definitely share that little shit quality 😌.

Hope you have a lovely weekend too! 💖💖💖

[dobaara]

cast your mutuals as your fav perfumes uwu

ok this got too long...might make a part 2 with the rest of my mutuals if I've missed any <3

@crippling-anxiety as baccarat rouge 540 by maison françis kurkdijan (would marry her anyway because she's so sweet and kind but with this 😵😵💘💖💓💗)

@redundantly-in-love as whispers in the library by maison margiela's replica (calm, comforting and such a warm presence and we're a perfect match because i love to talk and he loves to listen, i love u bubba haven't told you much of that nowadays <33)

@perssepeony as good girl supreme by carolina herrera (literally the opposite of what the name & perfume is. she's like a warm weighted blanket after a harsh and cold day. such a sweetheart who don't need no man, nandos babe hii <33)

@coquette-amor as lost cherry by tom ford (rara is exciting, fresh, dizzying and full of warmth and always always laughs during all the wrong times. also she's really really pretty btw i love her she's my mafia darling <33)

@wtfrroch as rolling in love by killian (chellie knows this is the perfume which defines her, she's a smart and really beautiful hoe (unlike me) who everyone loves, also explains why i have heart eyes for her all the time <3)

@neurogliadudette as midnight fleur by NEST (best person to go on museum tours, stargaze and geek out with about YA and all that too, shails us meeting when? :( also she's gonna be an amazing lawyer btw)

@kabiragf as coco noir by chanel (shat gives femme fatale vibes, she's already so very pretty and now she's giving all those exams to become a badass lawyer, she's also a good listener btw <33)

@wedefyauguryy as miss dior by dior (lizzy is the soft looking talkative mutual who loves her theatre teacher btw/s. she's one of the coolest and the cutest people i know and she reminds me of the moon!!)

@knivesgf as an air of despair by imaginary authors (listen anya is literally one of my favorite horror mutuals you know i had to give her this horror movie protagonist perfume. and as the movie goes, she may end up becoming the house or....who knows?)

@belovedbi as bitter peach by tom ford (literally my favorite, she's the moment she's my url namesake she's another smart mutual of mine she's the coolest mutual i have <3)

@themangopdf as angel eau crossière by mugler (ok so because ela reminds me of mangoes and every time i bite into one i think "hmm i should share this with ela" also you remind me of a warm spanish afternoon while you're watching cheesy telenovelas with your beloved <33)

@jongens2014 as poets of berlin by vilhelm parfumerie (me and merle's dynamics are always the one mutual who has good takes everytime and i just reply to it with #yeah #realness...also merle is one of the sweetest and the coolest mutuals ever and my mum loves her!!)

@icemaiden as amyris femme by maison françis kurkdijan (kaaju di is the well read, theory and alyosha karamazov posting, beautiful looking mutual of mine btw and this perfume immediately reminds me of her. also she has an excellent taste in jewellery btw.)

@girlbi-deactivated20220618 (lau????) as mojave ghost by byerdo (lau is the cute and smart mutual who loves cows and i love that about her, i love everything about her btw, she's one of my favorites <33)

@persimmonbaby as cleopatra by tocca (literally why i call her kanave because she feels like a dream to me. sweetest and justifiably the most popular one because she deserves that anyways, also her writings are out of this world! <3)

@hillhousegf as mad madame by juliette has a gun (my other favorite horror mutual, oh to feel the descent into madness after entering a house which looks completely fine but isn't. and in the end, she gets out but not before burning the house down and watching it burn while sitting by the road and holding an unlit cigarette)

@breadmp3 as rose of no man's land by byredo (amira is my pink mutual and this so reminds me of her, she's kind and sweet and literally the cutest mutual of mine btw and when she tags me in posts *heart eyes* <33)

@lovejar as her by burberry (literally a goddess among people she reminds me of the colour pink & a summer dream and she's the prettiest/coolest/smartest girl I've ever seen. also minnie's name is the cutest i'm jealous)

@ruesgf as neroli portrofino by tom ford (yeah she's a goddess and yeah she's a literal heartthrob and yeah she looks so good I'm in love with her and yeah she's pretty smart and beautiful at the same time and yeah-)

[saintobio]

I've like casted the intro thingy almosy 3 times onto my TV atp so thank god finally my finger hit the ask box- Okay, SO SAINT, IK IM TIPSY RN BUT I MY ALCO FUZZIEX BRAIN CANNOT THINK OF ANYTHING BUT SY AND SY GOJO RN. IK IBEEN SOBBINF OVER HIM FOR THE PAST HOUR BUT SAINT, I WANNA CRY AND TELL U THAT U ARE AMAZING AND ILY, I HOPE YOI KNOW UOI DESERVE THE WORLD PLS 😭😭 IM SORRY IF THIS ASK COMES ACROSS AS SLOPPY AND PLAIN ANNOYING BUT HOLY SHIT IM JUSY CRYING AT HOW TALENTRD YOU ARE FOR GIVINF US QORLDS TO ESCAPE TO LIKE SN/SY, OLAL, WASTELANDS ESCPECIALLY WHEN PEOPLE HAVE BORINGASS LIVES LIKE MINE. ITS SO SEDENTARY AND STALE THAT I HAD TO DRINJ TO NOT BE THE SOBER ME. AND THEN YOURE SO NICE AND WITTY WITH ALL YOUR FOLLOWES TOO!!! YOURW HELLA COOL I HOPE U KNOW THAT!!! I HOPE U KNOW I ADOREE YOU MORE THAN ANY AUTHOR ATP. ILYYY. TAKE CARE OR GOJO NO UNBOX! BYE-BYE!!

ty so much!!! that’s so nice of u and it’s not annoying at all :D rly glad you enjoy some of my works <33

@otivez said

saint i've been DYING to tell you this omg my law professor told us this crazy story last week and istg it's sincerely not

it's very long and wild but in a nutshell this son of a high status family in the 60s needs to marry someone and his parents don't like his girlfriend so they find him a woman. he goes to his gf and tells her that he should marry the other woman and then they should see. fast forward a couple years he gets cancer and dies. after he dies, they see that he has 14 kids with his wife AND 15 with his girlfriend 😭 they ask the wife "why" and she says "well she gave birth so i had to give birth too" 😭 they were RACING 🤧 my mind just instantly went "what if reader was like sera too" shit gets even crazier that they even made a tv show about it

WHATJDJD THATS SO MESSY 😭

Anonymous said

Hello new reader here👀 An auntie lurking around.

I’m not an anime watcher (but a kdrama one) btw so I don’t know who this characters are irl? Is that even the term?🤣 I just happen to open tumblr after 5 years, this is my 12 year old account whom I spent my teenage years (you can guess my age already 😂)and that one person I’m following reblogged your Sincerely yours series. AND GURL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN IN MY HECTIC BORING CORPORATE LIFE?!!! It’s been too loooong since I got invested like this for real😭 I am so intrigue, this is nothing like The Princess Diaries I used to read😒😂 and now I discover this gem called smut brrrr Guess what chapter I happen to read first, it’s the bora bora damn I was like, this series is fucking interesting I’m hooked and started reading from the very beginning. To that person who reblogged that chapter, thank you! And Saint, I love you! Muah💋

P.S I’m not following you yet, I don’t want to see the juicy spoilers 😁but I will, I PROMISE once I’m done teehee. And I just google this fucker Gojo Satoru (I’m in a chapter where I really despise him and Sera right now hahaha) he’s my wallpaper now btw and now I’m introducing him to my niece as my cheating rich handsome fiance so they’d stop calling me an old maiden😩

P.P.S can I share how I imagine yn’s style and appearance? It’s Kang Sa-Ra in kdrama A beauty Inside❤️ this is before I saw your curated aesthetic images for sn and yn hehe

it’s sooo interesting when people who don’t watch jjk actually read sn/sy 😭 i hope u know that they are very ooc in this series, and gojo isn’t like this at all HAHAJAJ also i haven’t watch that drama but the inspos for her fashion usually come from typical kdrama chaebols 😹

Anonymous said

I really wanted yn and Gojo to end up together because I’m a Gojo simp lmao. But if SN and SY with OG characters? honestly I don’t want the FL to end up with the ML I want them to go on their separate ways but have a healthy or civil coparenting their child. They’re both too broken to be together again but if they happen to have the strength to patch things up, I wish they’re already both healed to be together again.

If Gojo and YN is the endgame… Saint, I wonder how… And if they’re not… waaah

Anonymous said

This is a terrible thing to say but I'm toji x yn because i think it's the less worse option of gojo x yn. Both relationships have major issues but toji by comparison has less issues and can be salvage. Despite the titanic reference gojo made in sn19 their ship sunk and is staying at the bottom.

gojoyn or tojiyn, i think we can all agree that yn x therapy should come first 😫

@bellehalla said

this is not new but i will defend those Utahime haters because...i am one of them. first of all, why would you go after your friend's ex boyfriend. that itself is already questionable. then you go after an ex that your friend has a bad and complicated history with. apparently, that's not enough to set her head straight. then, you as a friend, know that this friend of yours is losing her shit, losing her mind over this dude and you're out here uwu catching feelings. BUT GREAT CHAPTER SAINT! <33

ahahaha i just know utahime wouldn’t give this much damn abt gojo in canon 😭 but sy!hime is a cassie

Anonymous said

Oh boy, your writing is so captivating! sn6 is the first chapter I've read as it's been released and what a chapter it has been... Thank you for doing this!

A question, I've seen in your profile that your type is INFP and as an mbti nerd have been wondering if you take the personality types of the characters when writing the story?

Sorry if the question has been asked before but I've just been very curious :)

tysm <33 i’m not very knowledgeable about mbti but i remember one of my readers who did a long post abt the characters mbti and why they make sense!! sorry i couldn’t find it anymore but it was during sn era, which is several months ago T^T

[nancylou444]

I forgot if i sent it to u or someone else so i'm sending it again anyway

Please Read this to the end and then judge me.

I do not understand at all why you and all other anti destiels dont ship destiel and think that dean is straight and i hate you for that from the bottom of my heart. i mean cant you see how dean truely loves cas and gives no shit about Sam, his brother?and also jensen and writers ship it.

You are so stupid and do not deserve to live in this world period

Read this list below.it may help you take off your anti destiel colored glasses and Accept the truth:which in fact is that Destiel Will become canon.

Reasons Why Destiel Will Definitely Become Canon Before The Show Ends 101:

1.Jensen Ackles: Destiel Doesn't Exist.

2.Jensen Ackles: Because Dean is a lover of the LADIES.

3.Dean will always choose SAM over anyone else.

4.SAM and Dean are soulmates.

5.Castiel: you chose EACHOTHER.

6.Jensen Ackles' Unscripted Frustrated look into the camera in "Fan Fiction" episode.wink wink

7.Jensen Ackles: there wasn't a whole lot of dean and cas storylines in season 9.personally,i kind of enjoyed that.

8.Jensen Ackles: i think the whole dean and cas thing has gotten a little out of proportion.

9.Jensen Ackles: "destiel is real" is it?? Where?? Where is it real??

10.Jensen Ackles: What? What castiel? Nah just me and my pies!

11.Jensen Ackles: We sit down with the writers in a couple weeks. It boils down to these two brothers, that’s the core and the heart of the show, their journey, their fight for each other.

12. “You are homophobic if you don’t ship destiel!"

13.Dean Winchester is fuckin Straight.

14.Eric Kripke : I'm just really interested in guys, STRAIGHT guys who have a tight friendship,they are really fun to write...

15.Dean Winchester: I'm Dean winchester.i enjoy sunsets,long walks on the bitch and frisky WOMEN.

16.Dean Winchester : I dont swing that way.sorry.

17.Dean winchester : yeah sorry again pal i dont play for your team.

18.Dean sold his soul for SAM.

19.Dean died so that he could meet with Death and get SAM’s soul back which of course Castiel left in hell.

20.Dean gave away the Impala and was willing to die with a Croatoan infected SAM.

21.Dean breathed in the poisonous smoke, so that he would die with SAM.

22.Dean wanted out of an AU with Mary and Jessica alive, because AU!SAM didn’t like Dean that much.

23.SAM and Dean made promise to each other, made vows to each other really, in a church.

24.SAM and Dean choose each other over the world, anything, and everything, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

25. Dean refers to SAM as though HE is his spouse (”does he want a divorce?”, “Lucy”...)

26.Dean would rather live in a world WITH demons than live in a world WITHOUT SAM.

27.When Dean forgot everything else, including his own name, he still remembered SAM.

28.Dean : I can’t do it without my brother, I don’t want to 

29.Dean to Sam :You’re the ONLY one who could’ve talked me out of it 

30.Dean to Sam :There ain’t no me if there ain’t no YOU.

31.Dean to Sam :“Because whatever we have between us, love, family, whatever this is, they’re always going to us it against us.”

32.Dean to Sam: “You’re my weak spot SAMMY, and I’m yours”

33.Dean or Sam i dont remember: “All that matters now, all that’s ever mattered, is that we’re together.“

34. Dean to Sam :“Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!“

35.Dean to Sam : “I made you a promise in that church, you and me, come whatever!”

36.The canon friendship between Dean and Castiel is toxic and borderline-abusive, full of lies, threats, insults, abandonment, beatings, and betrayals.

37. Sam, possessed by the devil himself, took control of his own body and beat Lucifer because Dean was there, because Dean didn’t give up even though he was hurt and covered in blood, because seeing Dean bombarded Sam with the memories of their life together.

38. Dean didn’t leave SAM’s bedside , didn’t bury him, didn’t burn his body, didn’t want to say goodbye, and how later he didn’t hesitate to sell his soul.

39.Dean decided not to go into a box, because SAM asked him not to.

40.SAM and Dean were the ones whom were mistaken with gay couple by several people if that matters.

41.SAM to Dean :“you always put me first. Your whole life”,

42.Dean to SAM: “I know where I am at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you”,

43.Sam or Dean i dont remember:“you know what brought me back? You did”.

44.Dean’s siren-as admitted by the siren herself-was a copy of SAM.

45.Dean told a male cop "you're awsome".OMG!! He is bi!!!

46.Dean fanboyed over a male tv character.Holy Chuck!! He is bi!!

47.Jensen or Jared:“At its core, it’s the story of two brothers.”

48.Jensen or Jared:“At the end of the day, this starts and stops with the brothers.”

49.Jensen or Jared:“When it comes down to it, it’s about these two brothers.”

50.Dean told Castiel to get the hell outta bunker for SAM while he knew he didnt have his angel powers.Damn! Dean truely loves Cas!

51.Dean figured Castiel was too far gone to be convinced back into their group and bound Death to do their bidding. Dean’s order to Death was to kill Castiel where he stood.#couplegoals

52.Castiel blackmailed Dean by torturing SAM.oh dear god!!! What a True Lover!!

53.Castiel Betrayed sam amd DEAN with crowley.but that's what all lovers do Right???

54.This isnt some romantic show.

55. Castiel is a genderless celestial wavelength of light wearing a male vessel.

56.Dean's chemistry with Baby the Impala is far more noticable than the one with Castiel.

57.Sam even once asked Dean and Baby the impala to get a room.

58.The possibility of Dean and Baby the impala to get sexually involved and the two of them having sex in the finale full frontal is far more than the possibility of non existant Destiel to become canon.

59.Destiel shippers are only a tiny minority of the SPN fandom.

60.Jensen Ackles is fucking done with this shit.

61.Dean left Ben and Lisa for SAM.

62.Misha Collins is the only one who queerbaits.

63.Dean in "red meat" described SAM as the man he loved.

64.Dean sang in a colorful background.OMFG!! he is bi!!

65.Jesen ackles : because being with his BROTHER and doing that is the happiest he is.

66.Dean to SAM: "because i couldnt live with you dead"

67.What show you've been watching???

68.Jared : because that would have RUINED the show to make it about something it wasnt about.

69.Dean has kissed and had sex with an angel.her name was Anna

70.Sera Gamble said “supernatural is the epic love story of SAM and dean”

71.Cw_supernatural IG: it has always been two brothers and the open road.

.

.

.

*Manic laughter*

*Aggressively drop the mic*

*The door is over there*

*Boom! Suck it*

*It sucks to be destieheller*

You are very welcome

Btw I'm a Proud anti destiew and a logical SPN fan.

If You think I'm right,then Chuck bless your logical souls and if not,let me find some fucks to give....sorry,none was found.

The begining part was an example of a savage destieheller.it wasn't me😊ignore it.

Yours truly,anon.

=============================

Holy crap, that is one longass ask. An ask I was thisclose to deleting until I skipped to the bottom. 

💖💖💖💖💖

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ALEXIS MY ANGEL call me yan!gojo bc i would do ANYTHING for u ………

ALEXIS I LOVE YOUUUUU YOU’RE SO SWEET 😥😥😥😥😞😞😞😞😞 cried reading this UR APPROVAL MEANS SM i’m always chasing it to be clear but since this is ur concept i wanted to do it justice so bad 👉👈 I LOVED WRITING IT BUT I WAS NERVOUS PSHJDDJ so ur words mean the world to me!!! T_T are ur studies going well btw… are any profs giving u trouble……. asking for no particular reason………

have i ever told u that ur descriptions are beautiful. have i. i'm sure i have but i'll say it again. ur writing just makes me feel things i 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

now what if i kissed u silly 🤨🤨 ALEXIS I MELTED INTO A PUDDLE don’t do this to me ……. sniffle. u are so kind. thank u 😥😥😥😥 every time i read ur writing i am consumed by a primal need to eat it all in one bite so i can carry it w me wherever i go so i just feel so warm knowing u like mine too T_T we are holding hands in my brain always

I LOVE how u explain his thought process. the inklings of a yandere. a man that is willing to bend his morals and skirt the law because he just wants u to be happy. mwah. mwah mwah mwah. i love yan!gojo with my whole heart

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW OVERJOYED I AM THAT THIS YAN!GOJO GETS YOUR APPROVAL that’s all i want!!!!!!!! i am in fact kicking my feet and giggling happily AND I’M SO GLAD U LIKED THE GOJO CHARACTERIZATION IN GENERAL i wanted to make him extra sickly sweet in this to get that yan contrast yk ….. he is soooo willing to bend his morals bc u are the Light of his life the center of it all!!!!!! he’s so smitten it’s crazy

not talking abt gojo but acc fuck this guy i'd be so pissed off 😭ALSO??? TEACHER!GOJO BYEEE i love canon teacher gojo ofc but making him good with kids and making him good with TODDLERS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING... i just know he loves his students... i just know they cling onto his legs... i just know he yells at them when they go too high on the 5-foot rock wall bc he's a tiger parent around them... i just know he plays tag with them and pretends to get tired when he runs so they can tag him... i just know...

ALEXIS STOP STOP IT RN WHATTT ARE U DOING TO ME ,……… HE’S A TIGER PARENT HE’S A PAPA BEAR 😔😔😔😔 YOU’RE SOOOO RIGHT HE’S SO PROTECTIVE SO SWEET SO PLAYFUL ….. he sees all of them as his own kids LMAO i think he would be jealous of their parents . like wdym he can’t adopt them all… wdymmm they aren’t his….. he literally carried every single one of them for nine months </3 he would cry when they graduate i just KNOW it he’s so so sniffly and sad :(((( baby boy

get that professor OUTTA there and put me in his place tf 😭😭 why does such a horrible person get to be so up close nd personal with him ion get it 🙄🙄🙄0/10 fic if u really loved me it would've been me in his place /j

NOT THE JEALOUSY???????? 😭😭😭😭😭 okay ill keep that in mind for the knight!sugu fic pls know that any character that touches suguru is inspired by you and only you 🙏🙏🙏 all roads lead to alexis etc etc

IM GONNA HURLLL there's something so vulnerable about yan!gojo who knows what he's doing is wrong but it's all for the person he loves so it doesn't matter.. it's so tragic :( thank god this isn't an actual story bc it would not end well for him

THIS….. he’s soooo self aware maybe a lil plagued by guilt…. one line i considered putting in was (there’s nothing wrong with me. there’s nothing wrong with this.) from gojo’s pov but i figured that might be a bit too on the nose 😭😭 in my brain there’s this gap? that yan!gojo has… where he wants to protect u but also wants to be someone who deserves u. a good person. so he overcompensates for the yan tendencies in every single other area he can ….. yan!gojo core is killing a guy and then getting ur fave take out on his way back to make up for the blood on his hands <33

idk if this is intentional, but i love ur use of nicknames in this. all the classic "baby" and "honey" ones are used normally, but "angel" is only used once (other than the title!).. bc bc. guardian angels are supposed lead humans to salvation but if anything, reader unintentionally corrupted him past the point of no return, but in his eyes, the reader is an angel that he serves (an angel whose commands he follows, an angel who only represents good and light, so obviously what he's doing is justified)🙏i love it 🙏i also think it's the only nickname where he uses "my" in front of it and that just adds a whole other layer i just. wow.

ALEXIS??? U LITTLE GENIUS????? the angel motif was planned but i didn’t even realize i only made that petname possessive in tone… it’s canon now though ‼️ DISREGARD MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT ‼️ this was planned all along <333 BUT GRRRRR ALEXIS u are always so thoughtful and attentive it blows my mind!!! the angel motif ended up becoming such a central part of this fic pdhjdjd BUT U GET IT OFC U DO…. reader unintentionally corrupting him…. gojo viewing you as something almost other-worldly in how important u are… it’s like. you’re his guardian angel and he’s yours right back but in both cases it ends up twisted 😵‍💫😵‍💫

ok first of all these sentences are so beautifully written but i also love how he thinks about loving you. it's honestly 😭im kinda getting denji/makima vibes if denji/makima was a decent ship and makima was a good person yk 😭 AND I MEAN THAT WITH THE BEST OF COMPLIMENTS.. like the way the reader just controls him without even knowing, the way he would do anything (and literally everything) for the reader, etc. etc. reader's got the boy wrapped around their finger and they don't even realize i love it

SNIFFLE ALEXIS I AM HUGGING U GENTLY </3 im so glad u liked those lines they r the bread and butter of this fic tbh … BUT ALSO DENJI/MAKIMA????? ALEXIS????? I’M LOSING IT GRRRR HOW DID U KNOW I’M ILL ABT THEIR DYNAMIC…. 😞😞 no bc i can’t believe i didn’t think abt that… literally my fave example of the angel/dog dynamic….. it’s so perfect bc denji (my perfect little angel boy <33333 i kin him) isn’t malicious he’s just full of trauma and a yearning for love that he can’t satiate in a normal way :(( so he just clings to this goddess figure in his life… devoting everything to her….. it’s sooo yan!gojocore like truly you can do no wrong in his eyes. ”if my girl is wrong i will simply reshape reality so that she’s right” bf

all the orpheus/eurydice, heaven on earth, angel, the title imagery makes me want to gnaw on this fic until im left with the bones. like the reader isn't even human to him anymore. if anything, instead of guiding him to salvation, they are his salvation and i just mmm. mmmmmm. i need him

U GET IT U GET IT U GET IT U GET ITTTTTT reader is his salvation!!!!! so true!!!!!! you are all that is good!!!!!! and he’d do anything to keep ur light from dwindling out :(((( he makes me feel a little ill i’ll be honest THIS IS ALL UR FAULT ALEXIS my thoughts r filled with this silly little beast </3

ARIII IM GONNA CHOKE 😭what did reader do to him to make him this delusional i wonder.. it doesn't even matter bc this is so well written. the way he thinks he's protecting the reader, and in a small sense he is, but he keeps it a secret bc he not only KNOWS its wrong, but he also knows that the reader would be horrified/disgusted if they ever found out. and he's not as delusional to think that his actions will never come back to him either, but for reader, he'd do anything i just... i just....

alexis have i mentioned that i would do literally anything for u……. u just Get it so effortlessly i’m so happy this could get even a sliver of ur approval i am feasting on all ur words HE’S SO….. he’s soooo Sane he just doesn’t really care abt the consequences…. he’s a spider masquerading as a butterfly thinking he can trap all flies that touch you in his web but one day one of you will be tangled up in it and that’s just so :((( yan!gojo is so Doomed. he wants to be a good man so bad but he wants you to be happy even more. sniffle.

IM KISSING UR FOREHEAD AGGRESSIVELY + SPINNING U AROUND !!!!!!!! this made my whole year alexis u are so sweet to read this and to write this out it means sm to meeeee T~T AND TYSM FOR BRINGING YAN!GOJO INTO MY LIFE he made it worse <3333 i love him though. our deranged little bug boy. I LOVE U ALWAYS if u need me to threaten any prof at any given moment hmu <33

you’re an angel, i’m a dog ; satoru gojo

synopsis; an upcoming exam has been stressing you out, and satoru’s pleas for you to take care of yourself fall on deaf ears. he takes matters into his own hands.

word count; 4.3k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, yan!gojo, as far as yanderes go he’s very mild i think (im sensitive u can trust me!!), mentions of blood, implied murder (not depicted!!), he threatens your professor w a knife lol, surprisingly fluffy??, gojo is soooo lovesick & smitten, he just wants his baby to live a happy life :( is that so wrong :((, also your parents love him <33 and he calls you honey <333 ideal man.

a/n; i blacked out & when i woke up this was in my drafts… mysterious. @kissxcore here u go alexis <33 one very smitten morally gray yan!gojo just for u!! i completely lost the plot halfway through but i had a lot of fun writing this!! :33 i don’t dabble in yan content at all so it was a fun lil challenge hehe, i hope it ended up . Somewhat .. decent…

satoru thinks you deserve everything good.

”haah…”

— the sigh spills into the air, dripping with exhaustion, a palpable fatigue that has his heart clenching.

just as he feared, you’re here. again. seated on the couch, in the living room, legs crossed and framed by flimsy strings of moonlight; illuminated only by the dim light of the laptop in front of you. carding through your hair, blinking sluggishly.

another sigh. deep, exasperated — from satoru, this time. he keeps a single hand on his hip, brows furrowed in soft disappointment. 

”honey… what do you think you’re doing?”

you jolt, the sudden sound breaking you out of whatever trance you were previously in. when your gaze flits to his, craning your head to see him rest against the wall leading up to your bedroom, he thinks you look a little like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

it makes him smile. despite his disapproval.

”ah — satoru! it’s… um.” a moment passes. he can practically see the gears of your mind turning, searching for a good excuse. ”… not what it looks like?”

he clicks his tongue. ”nice try.”

then he’s walking towards you, in long strides, gliding across the room like a butterfly in search of nectar. from the sweetest flower there ever was.

even when said flower is still awake, past midnight, pulling an all-nighter despite his frequent advice not to. his very frequent, very thoughtful advice not to strain yourself until you just about pass out.

but you just won’t listen.

”’m disappointed in you, baby,” he huffs, just playful enough to ward off any genuine feelings of distress. he could never truly be disappointed in his baby. ”what did we say about studying this late, hm?”

a sheepish chuckle slips past your lips. satoru is standing in front of you, hands on his hips, raising a questioning eyebrow as you squirm. lighthearted, yes, but genuine. it makes you feel a little guilty.

”… sorry,” you breathe, closing the lid of your laptop. knowing he won’t let you stay up any longer. with the loss of light, your face becomes shrouded in darkness. ”just can’t sleep when i’m so stressed.”

at that, satoru makes a tiny noise — something worried, a little sad, from the base of his throat. a soft frown finds its way onto his lips, and he blinks the sleep away from his senses. plopping down beside you.

”i know. i’m not trying to lecture you,” he croons, reaching out to cradle the apple of your cheek. you melt into him like molten honey, easy and sweet. ”just worried. know you’re stressed.”

and he does. he does know — it’s all he’s been able to think about, these past few weeks. to his dismay, he’s even begun to grow used to this sight, used to findist you in the midst of working yourself to exhaustion. fighting the urge to sleep, slumped over your desk, or cooped up on the couch. staring into your laptop like it holds the secrets of the universe.

time and time again, he’s told you to take care of yourself. tried to coax you into relaxing, rubbing your sore shoulders and kissing the puffy skin beneath your eyes. but this exam is important — you’ve told him as much, more times than he can count. he doesn’t doubt that you’re right. 

of course you’d be stressed. he gets it.

still, though.

”but you know it’s not good, yeah? that it’ll just burn you out?” his thumb goes to smooth over the dark crescents beneath your eyes, gentle as a feather. ”we don’t want that, do we?”

you bite your lip. trapping it between your teeth. he knows you know. ”… yeah,” you admit, a flimsy little sigh on your tongue. ”it just feels easier to do this at night. don’t know why.”

”my little night owl.”

that makes you smile, a little, but it’s not enough to satisfy him. he curls an arm around your waist, and drags you into his lap; gentle, always gentle, like all that exists under your skin is made of porcelain. like the lines of your face form a string of words, a label of fragile: handle with care. he always does.

with his heartbeat by your ear, his warmth melting into yours, it’s easier to speak. a pressure on your chest that fades away. ”i’ll try not to do it again,” you murmur, biting back a soft yawn. nuzzling into his neck. ”promise. don’t wanna worry you…”

satoru softens. 

(always so good to him.)

”it’s fine, honey. i understand.” he smiles, smoothing down your spine, counting the bumps of vertebra that slide along his palm. ”don’t worry that pretty little head of yours over me, alright?”

in return for his comfort, you wriggle away, lifting your head to give him a smile. one of your many smiles, each one fervently cherished by him; the one you’re wearing now is tired, a soft curl of your lips, the kind that makes him want to lull you to sleep. just the sight alone makes the anxiety in his veins feel like a worthy investment.

he doesn’t tell you anything that could cause that joy to diminish. doesn’t tell you that he can’t sleep without you, that he can barely breathe knowing you’re this stressed all time. doesn’t tell you that he jolted awake with a sinking feeling of dread, a gaping pit in his stomach when he didn’t immediately feel the warmth of your skin against his. doesn’t tell you that he always, always assumes the worst.

satoru doesn’t tell you these things. it’s a safety measure, an act of love. a bundle of unvoiced syllables, woven into white lies, silky and sweet. tailor-made to put your aching mind at ease. 

satoru thinks you deserve everything good.

it’s a theory, of sorts, a train of thought. a hypothesis made manifest. after many years of pondering, he’s arrived at the following conclusion; you are all that’s good. therefore, it only follows that you deserve everything that’s good, all of it and more. satoru believes you deserve every single thing your little heart desires — and he’s determined to give it to you.

so he’s been worried.

it’s not that he doesn’t trust you. he knows you’ll ace the exam, knows you’ll do your very best, knows you’ll make him proud. you always do. you aren’t the problem, no, never.

he just doesn’t trust your professor. 

that unfair, stuck-up, incompetent professor who’d fail his students just for being a couple minutes late, who curates his exams to be as convoluted as humanly possible. you and your friends are starting to suspect he just likes berating people for a living. satoru knows it all, he’s heard it all, of course he has. satoru pays attention to everything, when it comes to you. he knows all about your professor, the man who’s been making your studies pure hell for the past semester.

it makes his blood boil. steady, ruminating, hot and heavy in his veins. a rivulet of lava.

(it was only a matter of time.)

satoru is a teacher too; he knows that type. one that has no business being a teacher, in the first place, one no student deserves to be subjected to. he’s met more of them in his career than he could even begin to count. the thought of one of his own students being at the mercy of someone so incompetent makes his skin itch.

and the thought of you, seated on the couch, crying and sniffling when he comes home because none of the exam questions made enough sense for you to even try —

it makes satoru want to claw his skin off.

it makes that tiny, tiny cavern in his heart extend, widen, like a maw, swallowing up his liver and lungs and sense of morality. an emptiness begging to be filled. 

there’s only one way to satiate it.

so he plants a wet kiss on your forehead, ruffles your hair, tucks you into bed and waits until you fall asleep. deep and heavy, a slumber you won’t wake up from anytime soon. he presses his lips to your forehead one more time — for good measure.

then he grabs his coat and slips outside.

the moon is visible through the window.

a thin crescent, nailed next to the dim stars, leaking a dream-like fluorescent shine; illuminating the office, so quiet he can hear those erratic breaths spill out, one by one. a heavy, heavy silence, thick enough to spread like butter over toast. 

(ah, that’s right — he forgot to buy the butter you asked for this morning. no wonder he feels so out of sorts. he’ll have to grab it on his way back.)

”who… w — what are — ?”

satoru stays silent. lips pursed, eyes keen, burning into the back of the man in front of him. close, almost chest to back, enough to have him scowling in displeasure. 

just being in his presence makes satoru feel a little sick. 

he keeps the blade pressed right beneath his adam’s apple, a silver glimmer in an office painted blue and gray. not enough to sink into his skin, but enough to have his heartbeat hammering, enough that satoru can practically feel those rapid flutters of life. brushing against his gloved hand.

he gets straight to the point. voice muffled by the fabric covering his mouth, low enough that it’s barely even audible. he’s careful, about this kind of thing. there’s a delicacy to the ill intent, something he’d be a little enamored with if it weren’t for the compass stuffed into his ribs — the compass that tells him this is wrong.

he just can’t bring himself to care.

”the upcoming exam.” his voice sends a shiver down the man’s spine. satoru can feel it. ”don’t fail a single student.”

silence. pure silence, suffocating them, tangling itself into the air. satoru can practically taste it — fear, familiar, that pang of panic. a ticking time-bomb. the knife stays pressed against warm skin, pushing, sinking, just a little, a drop of red against his pale throat. 

it’s enough to get your professor to make a little noise, one that vaguely resembles a whine. like that of a small animal, rolling over on its belly, eager to play dead. no word is spoken in reply, but he nods, just barely, a nervous tremble of his head.

satoru hums, approving. ”good.” he doesn’t loosen his grip. ”there’s a particular student i’m worried about. marked them down in the catalogue... i’m counting on you.”

another noise. a grunt of affirmation, a silent plea — satoru allows that fear to seep into his own bones, just a little, just to get a taste of it. cold on his tongue. he wonders if this is what helplessness feels like.

then he takes a step back. slow, tentative, dragging the knife with him. not before parting his lips once more. ”don’t turn around,” he warns. ”i’ll be back if there are any complications. this’ll be our little secret, hm?”

the man in front of him doesn’t say a thing. frozen in fear, paralyzed, not moving an inch. a fly trapped in his web. it’s a relief.

before he exits the room, satoru puts the final nail in the coffin. just in case. ”i happen to know what school your daughter goes to.” he waits for a flinch, and it comes almost instantly. like clockwork. “remember that.”

it’s an empty threat. your professor doesn’t know that, though. he doesn’t know that satoru knows his daughter, that he walks past her preschool almost every morning on his way to work. that she waves to him whenever he passes by, and that he makes it a point to always wave back. a little troublemaker; the rowdiest of utahime’s preschoolers. she has a bubbly laugh, and just lost one of her milk teeth. she was giddy when she showed him, a bout of giggles spilling from her lips as he cooed and ruffled her hair. 

he wouldn’t lay a finger on her. 

but your professor doesn’t know that, hasn’t got a single clue, and satoru delights in the fear that must be running through his veins. down his spine, crawling into every narrow of his skeleton, making a home for itself that he’ll never quite be able to root out.

a gulp. satoru hears it, in the quiet of nightfall, just before he shuts the door behind him. good.

the rest of the evening is a blur. satoru gets home, relieved to find you still asleep, and tucks you into his chest. makes a mental reminder to order your favorite take out tomorrow; a little reward for your hard work.

finally, he can sleep easy. knowing you’ll get what you deserve. 

three weeks later, satoru places his hand on the familiar doorknob in front of him, dragging his weight behind him. blinking sluggishly. 

there’s a sinking feeling in his chest, weighing him down — like an anchor tied to his liver. a compass, tucked between his fourth and fifth rib, one that’ll always stay lodged right there. he’s learned to grow used to it, a natural consequence, a sign that his humanity is still intact. 

that doesn’t make it any less bothersome, though.

(ridding the world of a pest shouldn’t make him feel dirty. especially when he felt nothing but contempt for the pest in question, for the way he whistled as you walked by, the words he spewed before satoru met his eye. vile. putrid. why should he feel guilty for wiping a stain off the pavement?

it does make him feel dirty, though. a sinking feeling in his chest.)

there’s nothing to be done about it. satoru swallows the unpleasant taste on his tongue, and drags the door open, closing it behind him with a softness he reserves for you alone.

and there you are.

on the couch, farther away, already looking his way — lips instantly curling up into what he knows will be a smile. this time, it’s laced with excitement. one of his personal favorites. his gaze devours the joy in your features, the glimpse he gets of your teeth, that familiar crinkle of your eyes. 

you’re smiling. at him. you smile and his world wakes up, it’s dyed in different shades of blue, it’s brimming with life and love and something too good not to kill for. you smile and everything is right, good, worth it. you smile and it's as if the blood has been washed off his hands.

suddenly, all is well again. satoru exhales a blissful little breath.

“‘m home, honey,” he grins, a light pink dusting his cheeks, hanging his coat up before turning to face you. arms wide open. “did you miss me?”

his heartbeat stutters when you practically engulf him, all giddy giggles and that perfect smile, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “mhm,” is what you chirp, pressing kisses down his collarbone, and he has to bite down on his lip to stop the shivers trailing down his spine. he tastes iron, but laps it up with a coo. sickly-sweet.

“missed you too, precious,” he purrs. “sorry i was gone for so long — had to take care of something.” 

he cups the back of your skull with his palm, large and crafted just to hold you, and marvels at how much you trust him. how you’re melting into his chest, fitting into every crevice of his heart. he wants to keep you there forever. forever and ever, always within reach, always close enough to touch. 

but he also wants you to be happy. he wants to see you run away, wherever the wind takes you, if only so he’ll get to feel you jump into his arms again, when you’ve had your fill of the world. when you come home to him, where you both belong.

satoru would never cage you in. never, never, never. he wants you to enjoy your life — confining you wouldn’t do any good, would only stifle that pretty smile he loves so dearly. he wants your world to be large, brimming with life, blooming with fervor, wants the air to be clear enough for your beautiful lungs. he couldn’t build a world for you, here, in this apartment. no matter how big or luxurious. 

so his only option is to bend the world into a kinder shape — twist and mold until it forms a path good enough for you to follow.

(it’s worth it, he knows, he’ll always know. it’s worth it to see that smile.)

“is that a new coat?” you ask, naive and innocent, and it breaks him out of his thoughts, attention wired to the lilt of your voice.

“yeah.” it’s stylish, expensive, a nice shade of black. he had to throw the last one away. this one’ll hide the stains better. “looks nice, right? i’ll get you the same one, pretty.”

“you don’t have to, toru!” you hurriedly exclaim, knowing he’ll jump at the opportunity to spoil you. “i like the one i have now!”

satoru pouts. a soft huff, right by your ear. “you don’t wanna wear matching coats?” he feigns sadness, scratching softly at your scalp, drinking up the little purrs that bubble up in your throat. 

and you giggle. you giggle and all he can think is worth it, worth it, worth it. a stained coat or two means nothing. the blood on his hands is just insurance. 

“well, when you put it like that…” you shift a little, curling your arms around his neck, breathing him in. he wonders if you can smell the cleaning detergent. “i guess i wouldn’t mind a new coat.”

and he grins. like clockwork. “right? want me to buy you new shoes while i’m at it? some jewelry?” he peppers kisses down your neck, amusement laced in his voice. “the whole store?”

again, those giggles. again and again. he laps them up like fine wine. “okay, that’s too much.”

“but you deserve it!” he whines, sickeningly sweet. sick to his stomach with love. “been working so hard, my angel.”

and, suddenly — you light up. his little firefly. brightening, inhaling a giddy breath. pulling away, a little, and he does his best to bite back the frown on his face. you’re practically beaming, sunshine personified, eyes glittering with giddy joy.

“right! i almost forgot!” 

then you’re skipping away, happily, to retrieve your phone. and he knows what you’re going to show him, but still feigns surprise when he sees the score on your exam, that perfect 100 on the screen. still makes an expression of shock that he knows will get you to laugh, still picks you up and spins you around and tells you how proud he is.

he almost, almost feels bad, seeing you smile so wide; at what you assume to be the fruits of your own labour. almost feels ashamed, knowing that perfect 100 wouldn’t exist without the knife at your professor’s throat.

but, then again, this is how it should be. those numbers are the fruits of your own labour, because satoru is a part of you. and you deserve it, deserve it more than anyone — he knows you would have gotten it, even without his help, if your professor was competent enough to see your brilliance. 

satoru smiles. he is proud of you. and this is exactly how it should be. he’s just bending the world into its rightful shape, cutting strings from a wrongly woven web, righting the wrongs of the people around you.

you, you, you. the only thing that exists.

all of him is for you.

”i knew you could do it. never doubted you for a second, baby,” he smiles, so wide his cheeks hurt, and you return it with a kiss to his jaw. 

”thank you. i’m just so relieved,” you exhale a breath, heavy, and it’s like he can practically see the stress melting, slipping from your shoulders and eyes. worth it, worth it, worth it. ”gosh. i’m gonna sleep like the dead tonight.”

”as you should,” satoru chirps, pinching your side. softly, brimming with fondness. ”but before that, we’re gonna celebrate. all day. and tomorrow too!”

another smile coaxed from your lips; this time, it’s a little bit shy. bashful, at the praise, his endless excitement. so precious he wants to kiss you breathless. give you all the air in his lungs.

so precious that he forgets about everything else. 

this is what you always do to him; wrap him up in a blanket of your love, cloud his veins with a nectar so sweet he takes the leap into your arms without a second thought. a foolish, lovesick butterfly, sticking to a single rose; dripping with honey, overflowing. the butterfly is too drunk on love to care. 

you’re his flower, his joy, the most useful form of anesthesia. with you in his veins, on his mind, your lips on his jaw — satoru can pretend that his hands are clean. that they always have been.

it all slips from his mind. your professor, the creep who catcalled you, that one classmate you’ve been complaining about recently. he forgets that they even exists, and satoru thinks that must be what love is: something that narrows your world down until you can make a home out of it. 

(something worth cherishing, no matter the cost.)

as always, it’s your voice that snaps him out of the trance he’s in. turning around at the sound of your call, the orpheus to your eurydice, too in love to save you from himself. you’re both getting ready to head out, dressing up for a well-deserved date. 

satoru feels himself smile. he does the dirty work, and you get to reap the rewards. heaven on earth.

“oh, by the way! would you want to have dinner with my parents tomorrow?” you meet his absent gaze with a tilt of your head. “they’ve been asking about you again. it’s such a headache, seriously.”

satoru giggles, barely containing how delighted he is. raising a playful brow. “oh? grumpy that you aren’t the favorite child anymore, hm?”

“okay, first of all —“ you stifle a giggle, pulling a drawer open, rummaging through it. freshly washed clothes. he washes most of your things. “you aren’t their child. and second of all —“

“— yet.”

a pause. 

satoru watches your gaze flick over to him, then back to the drawer, collecting yourself. a cute flush to your cheeks. “… whatever.” you clear your throat. “second of all — i don’t like how much they like you. what kinda spell did you put them under? it’s always satoru this, satoru that!”

a huff fills the air, and you mutter something that sounds a little like mocking, an obnoxiously imitated where’s satoru? that makes him chuckle into his fist. 

he shrugs. “i’m just a natural charmer, y’know? and, for the record; i would love to have dinner with them.” he sends you a wink, playful, and you roll your eyes. “are you joining us?”

a bout of laughter pushes past your lips, and satoru thinks he could die happy — just soaking up the joy that spills from out your throat. he wishes he could live in it, paint your house in it, wear it. he wants your joy to be all he ever feels. he feels sick at the idea of ever being out of earshot for it.

“yes, i’m joining you.” your scoff is dripping with humour. ”i’d hate to be the fourth wheel, but it is what it is.”

satoru stifles a grin. ”lucky me. three beauties all to myself,” he drawls, a seductive lilt to his voice, just to hear that little noise you always make with the back of your throat. vaguely disgusted.

”you’re so gross.”

a coo. like the buzzing of a bee. ”don’t be jealous, honey. know you’re my favorite, don’t you?” satoru smiles — more sincere than you’ll ever know. ”could never love anyone else.”

”so my parents are in second place?” you quirk a brow, amusement lacing your words, and he clicks his tongue. 

”well, they made you. i’d have to be a fool not to worship artists of such caliber.” 

”charmer.”

”yours.” the word is a knife at his throat, a stain on his coat, a love so heavy it’ll burn him alive. ”only yours.”

and again, you smile. all he can think is that you deserve everything, everything that’s good, everything he could ever give you. it’s all he can think as you go about your day, as he leads you outside, as he watches a flicker of joy dance within your iris. as he watches you walk wherever your heart takes you.

the thought remains when you return home, when you wrap yourselves in blankets and he throws a leg over your waist and you curl an arm around his ribcage. it’s all he can think. 

satoru was born to be of service — to someone, to the world, to something or another. he was born to carry a weight on his back. 

so why not bear the weight of your burdens?

all he wants is to protect you. all he’ll ever need is that smile on your face. he was always bound to be just this: a dog at your heels, a halo around your head, the watchful eye keeping you safe from everything rotten in this world. he’s the butterfly, the spider, the web itself. he’ll never let you be tangled up in it.

he was born to be of service to you. so service you he will, until it all comes back to bite him.

“satoruuu — stop stealing the blanket!”

he prays it never will.

[jengarie]

what are u studying in college (if you dont mind me asking!!)? also do you have fave fics from mdzs/tgcf?

oh, no worries i don’t mind at all!  i’m taking up computer science :D

and yes, i do!! >:D  not 100% sure if you’re asking what fics they are specifically, but i’m not turning down an opportunity to ramble about fics and wangxian LMFAO so i’ll be listing down my fav fics under the cut <33

although i did spend very little time in the tgcf fandom (+ i was more attached to rarepairs in tgcf) so i have only like one (1) fic i remember fondly which is:

sip sip, snip snip (by woofmeow) — which is fengqing and about 6k words where muqing drunkenly goes to fengxin after a breakup !

and for mdzs, OH BOY, i spend everyday reading like ten wangxian fics but  i’ll try my best to narrow them down. these are all wangxian btw and are in no particular order 

save a sword, ride a socialist (by sysrae) — 33k words of fake-dating wangxian but not a lot of Angst in terms of the fake-dating. it’s got single father wwx, and lwj + jzx as friends (which, unexpectedly, i found to really like the idea of LOL), and also modern au cultivation. however, there’s homophobia and also a bit of smut 

sweet chaos (by eachandeverydimension) — 86k of 14-year-old lwj staying a full year at the lotus pier to get to know his betrothed (arranged marriage) ;v;   it’s super sweet and we definitely need more of lwj making more friends because that’s what he deserves. 

hyperprosexia (by malkinmalkout) — 192k and it’s really the world-building that hooked me into this fic! it’s basically canon (-divergent!) but there are sentinels and guides? i don’t think i’d be able to explain this properly so check out the fic for more details! also, this has a bit of smut again; you can see the tags for more on that!

love on 35mm (by fakeplasticlily) — 26k! film student lwj! best friends jyl and lwj! i’m not really sure what else to say without spoiling! just take my word for it when i say it’s cute i guess! LOL there’s a bit of sexy times at the end though

welcome to the burial mounds (by pupeez4eva) — 4k words where basically more and more people started staying with wwx and the wens in the burial mounds and wwx is Confused as fuck.  not too heavy on the wangxian though, but i really liked this fic LOL

shadows in the sunrise (by yuu_chi) — 24k words of pain pain pain. lwj is cursed into internal seclusion on a nighthunt, and we basically just watch as the curse progresses, and wwx and the lans get desperate to lift off the curse. 

righteous at a cost (by thunderwear) — 21k and it’s in lqr’s pov wherein he visits the burial mounds to invite wwx to gusu. it’s initially for lwj, but he figures out wwx’s core and the lack of cultivators in the wens. apparently, i like fix-its wherein lqr takes matters into his own hands; i did not expect that.

just so (by airinshaw) — 21k words of asmr youtuber lwj and wwx as a youtuber that does reaction videos! they flirt online! they go and meet at vidcon for the first time! also there’s smut again i’m sorry! but this was really cute i loved their dynamic! 

in general, i do bookmark all the fics that i enjoy so you can check out my bookmarks if you’d like more!

[sukirichi]

suk *ehem saeren (new pseud is sexy btw and also your new theme vvv sexc bestie!!!😌😌) okay so when i read chp 7-8 i was like ‘y/n c’mon. give kita the chance he deserves i mean IT’S THE MR. KITA SHINSUKE WTF WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK?!’ but then oh god, the museum scene holy fuck. no because the cherry blossom tree works so well as an analogy for the main couple’s love story. yeah, cherry blossoms signify new beginnings and are mostly adorned by many when they bloom. why? aside from the indication of renewal, it only stays for a certain period of the year which is always a sight to see and because of the limited time frame, everyone knows the beauty it exudes will be gone after the time passes (death). going back, suna and y/n’s routine of spending time together to being away from each other’s presence is the recurring theme for them to grow. seeing them say too many goodbyes brings that anxious feeling of ‘ahh. it we will be back to square one again'  (also, not the fact that broken record connotes annoying repetition of something is aksjalks🤧) 

also yeah, when you love a person, the one should make you feel calm and secure and only then you can distinguish whether you truly love them or just merely an infatuation. but in y/n’s case, whether she has that rose-tinted glasses on or not, identifying the blaring red flags is hard to accept notice if that same marker is the one that brings her comfort due to its familiarity. and idk where to put this in my last ask because i don’t have enough brain juice to make a theory, but the way suna is nervous for his first date with mari, he should have second guessed why he’s acting like that when the happiness he felt with y/n is way more different with mari (should have listened to osamu and aran and ooh im sorry i assumed they samu and suna were schoolmates in high school when they are not akhfak). sure, he’s nervous out of excitement but for what? it's like foreshadowing that he needs to put up a front with mari just to keep her (but we all know that is not the case) in those 3 years they spent together, did he feel more on the edge than relaxed tho? 🤨

and for someone who loathes her half-sister, nagisa sure is invested with the happenings in y/n. it’s like she’s always on the lookout for her mistakes and dote it on her until her last breath. the mari and nagisa connection is possible though and it is not like they live countries apart but their meeting, from the way i see it, is like a silver lining for nagisa to topple y/n lol🤪 and aah, now it get why nagisa called y/n whore at the restaurant. when i read that part, i thought that they have somewhat lived under the same roof for some time but the succeeding chps showed they did not and was still confused because she has never shown any interest about what is going on with her affiliated family except hatred and then that happened. i guess when she burst out at that moment, it was when the two had met? 

it’s kinda disheartening to see how lucy subtly(??) controls y/n’s love life. maybe because she doesn’t want y/n to fall under the same category for marrying out of love when she is the one who refuses to divorce the dad (= she shouldn’t). should have filed that divorce, not doing so is a recipe for disaster itself. and mari 😤😤WHAT DID I SAY?? (well in this case, it is shunning others away from suna) i cannot, for my peace of mind, be able to be in the same vicinity as her. for all i know, i could be dragging her on the floor out of pure disgust. i can’t wait to find out who died and who is in critical condition. though, that critical scenario lead to afterlife too, so no wishful thinking here. but, ahh are we getting a background story for suna too?🥺 this is where i'm betting my wish at. while we’re at it, i wonder how atsumu will react to suna impregnating mari. i imagine he would say ‘dude wtf?! she chose you! how could you?!’ i know he is happy with his gf but can’t help to be caring as ever to y/n.

reading chps 7-9 in one go was a pleasant experience 1.because school😔🤢 2.angst is way more comforting than comedy 3.no more anxious thoughts of why and how this happened because at this point, i’m just playing hidden mickey here. but i truly love the story, can’t believe it’s already ending by the next update. saerennn i hope ur okay bub?🥺 and get that hashbrowns after finishing the series or while working for the last track. u deserve it!! luv u~💕💕

🍳

my egg anon, hello !! I’m so sorry for the late response, my asks were piled up and I got busy with school :<

AND AAAAAH THANK YOU I’M SO HAPPY YOU GOT THE MESSAGE OF THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS!! it was actually taken from the music video I linked back to the end of the chapter and my friend and I were discussing it because I think there were lots of symbolism on it. the one about new beginnings because the cherry blossoms only come for a certain time of the year before a new season comes also represents how YN and Suna keep going back and forth to loving, getting complicated, forgiving, getting complicated and so on and so forth. I love everything you said because it was exactly how I wanted the story to be like <33 the part about being anxious too !! that’s why YN keeps saying ‘this cycle never ends.’ and YESSSS THAT’S ALSO WHY I CHOSE BROKEN RECORDS AS THE TITLE. the ‘records’ refer to them playing love songs and then apology songs to each other over and over but then the song stops and they start to have new stories :<<

oooooh yes, totally. judging from my own experience, I can tell too whether it’s love or infatuation. when I’m with someone I love, I feel totally at peace and safe with them. it’s comfortable, it’s not supposed to be scary or nerve wracking. even if something wrong happened, you’re assured by the knowledge they’d be patient and listen to you. AND THIS PART WHERE YOU SAID THIS ABOUT SUNA ‘whether she has that rose-tinted glasses on or not, identifying the blaring red flags is hard to accept notice if that same marker is the one that brings her comfort due to its familiarity’ ITS 100% ACCURATE. same goes for suna tbh. YN was the one who broke his heart when they broke up but she was also the only able to comfort him. it’s hard for them to let each other go because they’re both a source of pain and familiarity that they struggle to find in this world. yes there’s some slight foreshadowing in how suna reacted with mari. he was on edge and he didn’t know what to do most of the time because he doesn’t understand mari the same way he understands YN. as for him being on edge, he most definitely was tiptoeing because mari placed a lot of boundaries such as keeping YN completely out of the picture and making her presence a bare minimum.

NOOOO BECAUSE THAT’S SO TRUE. Nagisa is always updated with YN. YN is the one who updates her about her life because she’s always trying to make conversation, but Nagisa pretends to be ‘uninterested’ although don’t let that fool you because she remembers every little detail just in case she can use it against her half sister. nagisa and mari met after mari broke up with suna in ch1 so yes, nagisa already knew the situation !! that’s why she called YN a ‘whore’ because if she ‘was with Suna’ then why is she also ‘dating’ Kita? so in nagisa’s eyes, YN is just the same as her mom.

lucy was half and half. sometimes she has good intentions but most of the time she’s also just messed in the head and she really fucked with YN’s trust issues. HMMM I WANTED A BACKGROUND STORY FOR SUNA TOO TBH but I didn’t know where to fit it and I didn’t want to add random, unnecessary details :<< AND FOR ATSUMUUUUU…. atsumu crushed on YN real hard… until now, even though he has a gf (now wife in the timeskip) you can tell he still cares about YN

NAUUUR angst is way more comforting than comedy sobs. and yes baby, I’m doing okay !! just a lil busy with uni work but nothing I can’t handle <33 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS EGG ANON, I REALLY LOVE HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG BRAIN AHHH I love you, stay safe too bb <33

[sterling-starlight]

No Texting During Drama Club

Me: Alright! Week two of Vesuvian pride is all about the modern day AUs, I can do this!

*Eight pages later*

What happened? (Pen pals/online friends meeting in person for the first time. Not quite as adherent to the prompt, but I think it works well enough)

Unknown Sender

3:30 PM.  

“-heard u have a&p with prof valdemar. If you let me copy ur notes, I will owe u pizza for the rest of our lives.

-this is Julian, btw. from the theater club.

-in case u thought this was some, u know, random creep.”

You

3:35 PM

“-Fine. But only because no one deserves to be failed by Valdemar.  

-I’ll drop them off at the dressing room tomorrow. I like pineapple and olive pizza.”

Unknown Sender

3:37 PM

“-pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, u monster!

-sigh. but I'll let it slide since you’re saving my ass.”

You

3:41 PM

“-Did you really just type out ‘sigh’?”

Unknown Sender

3:43 PM

“-….

-Yes.”

----------------

You

6:30 PM

“-So, hey. Congrats on getting to play Hamlet.”

Julian

6:34 PM

“-not the most original production we’ve done, but a role’s a role. seeing Lucio’s face when he realized he wasn’t the star was worth it.”

You

6:40 PM

“-Remind me who that is.

I’m seriously drawing a blank here.”

Julian

6:43 PM

“-blonde. rich. Insufferable. loud.

-he has that fancy prosthetic arm that somehow makes him better than everyone.”

You

6:50 PM

“-Oooooooooh. Him.

-He doesn’t really come to bother us production people unless he wants to bitch about costuming or the sets. Which is a lot.”

Julian

6:55 PM

“-i think I've heard you chew him out a few times. Ur the girl with the venterran accent, right?”

You

7:01 PM

“-Aye.

-Surprised you could even understand me. Not a lot of people can when I get PO’d.”

Julian

7:10 PM

“-i understood enough to know you called him a prick.  

-my mom and dad took me to venterre once. it was almost as pretty as you.”

You  

7:20

“-Wow.

-That was horrible and you should feel horrible.”

Julian

7:12

“-I have no shame, and never will, my dear.”  

-------------------------------------

Julian

3:00 AM

“-natalia

“-hey, natalia.”

“-tali”

Julian 3:05 AM

“-how did people in the middle ages first think to start using leeches?

“-like, did they stick leeches on themselves and realize that pain and blood loss and disease was the medicine?”

You

3:06 AM

“Jules, it is 3 in the goddamn morning. Go to bed.”

Julian

3:07 AM

“I work the graveyard shift at supermarket.  it’s my lunchtime.”

You

3:08 AM

“-Then fuckin eat your lunch and let normal people sleep before I cram it up your ass.”

Julian

3:10 AM

“- I can think of much more fun things we can do.”

You

3:15 AM

“-Fuck you, I’m going back to sleep.”

-----------------------

Jules

2:30 PM

“-So you really had a pet ram as a kid?”

You

2:31 PM

“-Technically, I still do. I just couldn’t bring him with me.

“-my flat allows large dogs, but won’t allow rams? It’s bullshit.”

Jules

2:32 PM

“-rams aren’t really normal pets tho.”

You

2:33 PM

“-Says the guy who has a pet crow.”

Jules

2:34 PM

“-malak is a raven, number 1.  

-number 2, he is an absolute delight. how dare you say otherwise?

You

2:40

“-Rufus is better.

“-Behold the glory”

Jules

2:50 PM

“-oh, so it’s a pet off then? Fine! May the cutest animal win!”

You

3:00 PM

“-Fine!”

Jules

3:05 PM

“-Have at you!”  

-------------------------------------

When Natalia’s phone rang, she was actually shocked to see Julian’s caller id flash on the screen.   They had never actually... talked on the phone before.  

The worst-case scenarios instantly popped into her head. Was he hurt? Did something happen? What if this was the hospital calling her to say he was in critical condition. Why would he put her as an emergency medical contact without telling her?!

Her phone buzzed again, more insistently, and she pressed the answer button with a trembling finger.  

“Hello?”

“Oh, hi~” The feminine voice from the other line was definitely not Julian, not even at his most dramatic falsetto. And she sounded too chipper to be the bearer of doom and death. Natalia let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding. “This is... Tali? Right?”

“It’s Natalia, actually. Who is this?”

“My name is Portia! I’m Ilya’s- oh, sorry. One sec,” Portia put a hand over the speaker, muffling the commotion on her side of the line. There was thumping, shuffling, and her shouting “You have her listed as ‘My Dearest Tali’, Ilya! Come on!”  

A voice that sounded somewhat like Julian’s shouted back something, but Natalia couldn’t hear it clearly.  There was a sound like static or rushing wind, before a door slammed and Portia let out a triumphant laugh. Portia’s voice fully came back on the line. “Sorry. But, yeah. I’m Ilya’s little sister. I would have liked to meet you in person, but my brother is completely hopeless.”  Someone thumped against the door, and Portia lowered the phone again. “You know I’m right!”  She yelled at the door.

Back to normal. “Aaaanyway. He’s been lamenting, and sighing, and wallowing over whether or not he should ask you out. So! You wanna go on a date with him?”  

Natalia opened and closed her mouth a few times, wordless sounds escaping. She was sure her face was burning pink. She could feel the heat spreading from her cheeks to her neck.  “Take your time. I can be in here all day.” Portia said casually. Natalia could almost picture her reclining back casually on whatever it was she was sitting on.  

“Ah- Ah,” Natalia finally managed to choke out. She took in a deep breath, and let it out in a slow whistle.  “...if he really wants tae.” She finally said.  

“Oh, he does. Trust me, I know him better than anyone.” Natalia could hear Portia’s smile through the phone. Distantly, a lock clicked and a door swung open. “She said yes, Ilyushka. You can thank me later.”

“That wasn’t- you’re missing the-!” Julian stammered. He took a breath and lifted the phone to his ear. “Listen, whatever Pasha said, you can just forget it. Really. It’s nothing.”

For a moment, Natalia found herself stunned by the sound of his voice. It wasn’t anything new to her. She had heard it from behind thick velvet curtains and up on catwalks. She had heard him bellow for lost love mournfully, monologue passionately, and condemn his enemies. But those were all characters. Hamlet, and Romeo, and Othello. None of them had been Julian Devorak. Not really.  

“Natalia?” His voice broke her out of her stupor, and sent a shiver down her spine. The way his tongue curled around the syllables of her name, like he had never spoken anything more sacred, sent her heart aflame in the best possible way.  

“Julian.” She spoke his name barely above whisper.  Natalia leaned against her desk for support, head spinning. When had- how did- why didn’t he- she- they-? She took in a breath through her nose, just as Julian heaved a resigned sigh.

“Good night, Tali.”  

“No, wait, Julian! Don’t-!” The dial tone droning in her ear was all she got.  And when she tried calling him, all she got was his voice mail.  

Try again. Voice mail.

Try again. Voice mail.  

You

8:00 PM

“-Julian, you asshole! Pick up your phone!”

*Last Read by Jules at 8:05 PM.  

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Natalia Valeth was not a quitter.

She hadn’t given up when she left her home country to become a pharmacist. She hadn’t lost hope when she didn’t make the cut to be on the acting team. She didn’t back down even as Professor Valdemar verbally tore the first draft of her thesis to shreds. So, when she drove to the community theater the very next weekend, she was a woman on a mission.  

She was hours early for once, but not so early that the doors to the theater weren’t already unlocked. The only person who would wake up at the ass crack of dawn for theater was Julian, and that was exactly what Natalia was betting on.  She threw open the auditorium doors with a resounding bang that echoed resoundingly all throughout the room. Sitting on the edge of the stage was Julian, who looked up at her when she made her entrance. The script he had been looking over listlessly fell from his grip, scattering like leaves in the wind. In such a quiet room, Natalia could hear him curse as if she were right at his side.  She steeled herself and marched down the steps of the auditorium, stopping less than an arm’s length away from were Julian sat on his haunches collecting the papers.  

“We need tae talk. Face tae face this time.”  

“Do we?” Julian finally collected the script and rose to his full height. Despite having a good foot on Natalia, he had never looked smaller gunmetal gray eyes looking everywhere but at her. He turned his back on her to tap the pages crisply against the stage.  

“You bet yer ass we dae! Whit th’ hell urr ye thinking’s? Whit, did ye think ignoring this wid mak’ it go away?”  

“...Maybe a little.”

“Och! Yer impossible!” Natalia threw her hands up with the exclamation. “Did ye think Ah juist said ‘aye’ tae fuck wi’ ye? A’m waantin’ tae gang oan a date wi’ ye! Mibbie even twa! If we feel really crazy, we’ll mak’ it three.”

It might not have been the three magical worlds that would have been most dramatic. If this were a stage production, this would be the part where the lights would dim, and the spotlight would narrow over the two lovers, giving the illusion that they were the only two people in the world.   With the theater as empty as it was, they might as well have been.  

“Do you... Do you mean that?”

Such vulnerability didn't seem like Julian.  Julian could throw out innuendos as easily as breathing. Julian was overly dramatic in everything he did, even when he wasn’t in front of an adoring audience. But it was the Julian who wanted to be a doctor. It was the Julian who looked at all the pandemics of the past, and wondered why so many people had to die.  The Julian who was wound up so tightly like he was bracing himself for ejection like it would come as a physical blow.  

Sarcasm felt like it would just add fuel to the fire, so Natalia opted for compassion instead. When she brushed her hand against Julian’s cheek, he leaned into it like he needed her touch the same way needed air.

“I’m willin tae huv a go at this.” She said gently, like everything would shatter around them if she was too abrasive. “Ye in?”  

“Absolutely.” Julian placed a hand over hers and tilted his head enough to plant a shy, fleeting kiss to her palm.  

Maybe this would end in a romance for the ages. Maybe this would end in tragedy. Whatever happened, it was better than not pursing it at all.  

[pixie05love]

OMG I literally screamed when I saw you followed me back. I'm dying🫠

u don't know how much I like ur works, like I always try to reread everything to grasp every little detail I may have missed (probably this is the reason I wasn't able to read all your fics by now kagskags)

Actually, I started reading your fics because of that Loki-Charles fic, which I hold dearly in my heart btw, and then went with the Lonrenzo-Snuffy fics.

It was the way you expanded so much their characters by their dialogues and actions. You pretty much measured every single interaction between them (especially with Lorenzo and Snuffy)

I just fell in love with the way you portrayed them. You make them feel so different, but so fitting to their own story, and you're not scared to make them look weird, unpleasant or any kind of adjective with negative connotations hafsjags

I'm not over the way you portrayed Snuffy's insecurities in "London Bridge is falling down"

It was so raw and realistic that it made me want to scream and cry at the same time. The way you showed the hardest and probably the darkest part of parenthood was so refreshing, and despite me not having any experience of it, I felt Snuffy's pain and frustration with Lorenzo but also the care he chose and learnt to give him despite everything (we love you, Lorenzo, you did nothing wrong)

And Lorenzo. I'm telling you now, you're the only one who's able to portray his character. I refuse to read a fic about him that isn't written by you. I don't think there is anyone capable of describing his interactions with other characters like the way you did it.)

"Little Dramas" left me empty after finishing it (probably like Noa when he realised that he was damn alone at the end lol)

I could talk for hours about "Little Dramas." it definitely deserves as many rereads as possible because you definitely worked the hardest with that one (just by looking at the notes I could tell that you did a lot of research and only for that you've got my whole respect as a reader<3)

You're a mastermind when it comes to difficult/toxic/angsty relationships. I don't think I've ever read someone's work and felt the way your works made me feel.

And my favourite of them all is "Nonsense" 😭

idk know why, I think it is one of your shorter works, but it was the first one I read. Maybe the characters you picked grabbed my attention, or their interactions, I'm not sure, but since I've read it I never stopped replaying the scene when Loki brushed Charles hair and when Charles was doing the interview and he started laughing after answering the interviewer's question.

I could clearly picture this fic as a scene in the canon story. I've even considered drawing it by myself and have it for myself, but well... college life won't let me do that any time soon, apparently.

Maybe I'm biased because this was the fic that made me start reading your other works, but idc I loved it. It is still good and like I said, it's one of my faves ajsgwjsh

btw psychopath Loki will always be better than anything Kaneshiro will try to do with his character. He'd make such a good contrast between Noa. Loki is the new generation's psychopath please AAAAAAAAAA DON'T MAKE HIM LOSE THAT TRAIT KANESHIRO

Anyways we still have Charles :D

I gotta read "Pilgrims" though and the rest of your fics ofc. Especially now that I know u don't mind having me yap on ur asks kahskagsjs

tysm again for ur hard work, pistatsia. I hope everything goes better in ur life. You deserve all the peace and love in the world<33

Hello, I hope you're having a good day( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

I was reading your Kainess fic "Flower Crown," and I wanted to comment on a few things that I liked about it and my interpretation of it!

(You don't have to answer/read this if it's too much of a hassle because it's more of me yapping than anything else lol)

To begin with, I loved how you portrayed Kaiser and how you developed him.

I liked the contrats between Kaiser's true feelings for Ness and how harshly he actually talks and treats him (especially at the beginning of the fic):

It's contradictory, and it works perfectly for someone like Kaiser who doesn't know how to healthily express his care/love for someone.

He had never experienced the gentleness of someone who loved him, so he uses the tools he was more accustomed to: blunt words and rough physical contact.

But Kaiser's past didn't private him from the capability of caring for someone.

Kaiser's way of love is by being the one who causes pain. Ness is too precious for him to allow him to get his hands dirty, so he'll be the one who "executes" Sae. He'll even go as far as to ruin his soccer career as long as he gives an end to Ness' turmoil:

Later on, after Kaiser had confronted Sae, Ness accepted Kaiser's words about fate. That expecting someone's love/care back only because some supernatural force wanted it like that was stupid.

This allowed them to reach for each other in a more sincere way. Without that wall, that didn't allow Kaiser to confess his feelings, and that it blinded Ness from Kaiser's care for him.

Is at that moment when Kaiser is able to confess that he would have wanted to have him as his soulmate. Because Kaiser considered Ness the only one able to love everything about him and the only one able to understand and accept the way he was.

Kaiser only restrained himself from expressing it because Ness didn't allow it first.

After that, Kaiser holds him gently, comforting him while holding his hand. He was now able to express his love for Ness openly and, most importantly, gently. Moreover, it felt right for Kaiser. He was comfortable with being like that to Ness.

(AAAAAAAAA SO CUTE I'M WANT TO DIEEEEE)

Now Ness goes through a journey of acceptance

Ness, at the end, accepted that:

Sae did not view the soulmate bond the same way as he did. Hence, it didn't make sense to fight for it.

But also, what he wanted with Sae was not something he truly desired, but he desperately seeked it because that's what he thought fate best wanted for them.

That's when his previous rose tattoo (the one that represented his fated bond with Sae, the one Kaiser wanted to knock off in the beginning) started to fade and made space for a new one to bloom (for Kaiser, which is placed where his heart is [which could metaphorically represent how Ness' heart beats for Kaiser OR how his love for him was truly coming from his heart, unlike with Sae with who he was forcing himself to accept]):

Ness' new tattoo was blue, just like Kaiser's arm tattoo.

For Kaiser, blue roses represent "the impossible." Fate did not bond Kaiser and Ness together as it did with Sae and Ness.

It was not "natural" or meant to be.

But they made that impossibility, not only possible because they chose to love each other by their own will and not by some mystical force, but they also made it feet right. Especially for Kaiser, what they had felt natural enough for him.

(I want to kms I loved this sm ahskagsiehejeiwj2je)

Another thing I like that you wrote on your fic was that, while Ness' roses for Kaiser had just started to bloom six months ago, when he finally moved on from Sae, Kaiser's rose bloomed longer, taking all his arm and part of his neck (what I interpret as Kaiser's love for Ness growing way more than Ness' since he had harboured his feelings way before him)

.

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JAHQJWHSI*×&+>+<>!^@^@*>×[+[×(×

I LOVED THISSSSSSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVED THIS FIC TYSM FOR WRITTING THIS MASTERPIECE?!!*@**!*@??@*@*

I LOVE THIS IDIOTA SO SO MUCH I WAMT TO DIEEEEEEEJSUWVUWHWJSJSJWIIE YOU WROTE THEM SO BEAUTIFULLY AAAAAAAA

.

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there, that was all I wanted to say :)

I think I've missed some things behind (probably), but I only wanted to comment on the aspects that caught my attention. I have probably misinterpreted some things too, but I tried to connect everything and make my interpretation stand, so I hope I was able to properly express my thoughts (my English is a bit trashy, sorry)

I loved how you worked with the fate/soulmate theme and I also think it was very original of you how you depicted Kainess with the tattoos, it was a subtle and beautiful way to create an image of what their relationship was and meant for them (Also, it was very in character with Kaiser, so even better lol)

Ty again for writing such an amazing fic<33

I have no idea how to reply to it 😭🫂💔 Last two months I've been working on two jobs along with final uni year + thesis writing + freaking out over my visa problems and my mind was slowly dissolving into beautiful numbness. Then I got your ask and something alive blossomed in my soul once again 😭 Thank you so so so much, this means a world to me

Sorry for replying late haha, let's go point by point.

First of all - YES. Yes to everything. Tbh I don't really remember much about this fic and kind of cringe about it now since it's one of the first ones (later kainess fics are MUCH better in terms of psychology and characters depth, trust me!). Still, it holds some of those warm feelings of mine, both as for the memories about the start of the bllk fics journey and starting to write again after a 5 years break, so I'm unbelievably happy that it gained such a wonderful and comprehensive reader 🥹

"He had never experienced the gentleness of someone who loved him, so he uses the tools he was more accustomed to: blunt words and rough physical contact" - this part is so beautiful, I swear. That's the exact case with Kaiser in that fic, where he never learnt how to show affection and that showing it in general is not some sort of a lukewarm stupidity, but a sort of power of honesty itself. I'm so glad you've noted that!

"Kaiser's way of love is by being the one who causes pain" UFFF SO SO GOOD

Also the way you highlighted lines you liked WITH DIFFERENT COLORS oh my I may actually melt.

I really love soulmates troupe and idea in general, and can enjoy even the most general troupe interpretations ever, but when writing personally about it I REALLY want to add something more original. I remember writing one other kainess soulmate/hanahaki AU (+- same time as the flower crown) (MUCH more angsty, basically with Ness getting his brain a bit broken from soulmate-hanahaki mix (literally lol), but Kaiser finding him afterwards and trying to buddy up with him without admitting that "hey, yeah, I'm that your ex who caused you to lose your career, yourself, and your health". The beauty of amnesiac lover and secret identity tropes combined. Because, you know. Michael Kaiser, the broken man he is). I never finished it, but I found it's ending in drafts: since you liked flower crown, I have edited it a bit binding some parts together and in case you want some instant kainess angst shot you can check it under the 'read more'. Thank you so much for leaving this ask once again :)

"I don't even remember what I did to you," Ness said in foreign voice. "Why are you...?" "Why are you so cruel?" Ness forced the words out painfully. They sounded like something ripped from a melodrama—a line that someone whose name was an incomprehensible tangle of sharp consonants and soft vowels of 'B' and 'G' might have loved. Someone who had once been his friend. Someone these damn flowers had taken away from him too. How could he? How could Kaiser? Who could one even be to scar someone’s heart so deeply, not once but twice?

Oh, that’s right. You had to be Kaiser.

He’d said something to that effect once, not particularly caring about Ness’s opinion or response—just because it was the sort of moment that called for an audience to a speech. What had he said back then? Ness fumbled through the waking mess of his memory. His stomach churned violently, and his throat burned raw with scratches and coughing. The coppery taste of blood trickled downward, nauseating and bitter.

"I'm only happy when I'm destroying other people's lives."

What had Ness done to deserve this? He loved Kaiser. He gave everything to him. He—

Why did it have to hurt this much?

Why did love—love for his mother, his father, his siblings, and Kaiser—why did it always have to hurt like this?

Ness didn’t even realize he was screaming it all aloud, his mouth twisting into a grotesque shape. Blood dripped from the corner of his lips, where a rose's thorn had torn the skin, trailing down his face. He wiped it away with an irritable swipe of his sleeve, not caring about the stain.

Kaiser looked as though Ness had struck him.

"Ness, listen—"

"You knew!" Ness shouted, his eyes widening further. "You knew this was all because of you—the surgery, the football, and... You! You always know everything, don't you? But don't you even—"

He was drowning in his own words, coughing, spitting them out one by one. His throat tore at itself; his lungs cinched tight as though bound with barbed wire. Kaiser's face grew increasingly closed, heavy with anger. As though Ness had no right to rage. As though Ness had betrayed him, and not the other way around.

He didn’t remember what happened next. He couldn’t. Because then he couldn’t breathe at all. *

When Ness regained consciousness, the streets of Berlin beyond the window had been swallowed by night. He rose shakily to his feet; his body trembled, swaying as nausea curled in his gut. It felt as though he might vomit at any moment.

He stumbled two meters to the nightstand, which felt like miles, and grabbed his phone with trembling fingers. His search was fumbling and halting: "Kaiser Ness BLTV." *

He vomited within the first minute of the video.

In the rancid yellow-brown pool on the floor, three lonely, barely-sprouted rosebuds floated. Their blue petals were still tightly twisted together, refusing to bloom. Ness prodded at a petal with indifference, exposing the coiled oak sprout at its core.

What a pathetic sight he was.

A ragged sob clawed its way out of him, echoing the despair of the Ness on screen—the one from the England match. His old life, which had revolved around Kaiser, and his new one, entwined just as tightly with him, blurred together. Ness drowned in the mix of a pounding headache and hot, unrelenting tears.

Roots twisted anew in his lungs, tightening around his chest when he saw how easily Kaiser on the field had cast him aside for the unconscious Isagi. God, Ness couldn’t even make it to the store without pausing for breath now.

Memories of fading in and out returned: the dark oblivion, his stomach twisting, his body rejecting itself over and over. Did he dream the hesitant hands patting his back? The frantic voice? Piece by piece, the fragments of the past fell into place, and with every sliver, Ness felt an emptier, aimless version of himself—one who had lost everything that mattered—merge with the current him, vanishing into the muddle.

Morning brought him clarity. Ness blinked blearily, adjusting to the brightness flooding the room, and glanced toward the open window. As he had suspected, Kaiser had drawn the curtains aside, letting sunlight pour in, bouncing off the glass of the bookshelf and the crystal baubles of an old-fashioned lamp.

The room smelled of freshness and cool air, a breeze stirring the pale-green tulle of the curtains. Thoughts in Ness’s head flowed freely, no longer crashing into the barricades his memories once hid behind.

Everything in Ness’s world was back in place.

There had only been a handful of moments in his life when he had felt such peace, quiet, and harmony with himself—and all of them, in some way, were connected to Kaiser.

"Here, take this," Kaiser said, awkwardly shoving a glass of water into Ness’s hand. Sunlight glinted off the crude edge of the glass.

"Thanks, Kaiser," Ness replied, smiling at him with a familiar squint of his eyes.

Kaiser hesitated at the sight of that smile before smirking in return. How had Ness managed to live without him these past six months?

After a moment’s thought, Kaiser lay on the other side of the bed, the mattress shifting under his weight. He reached out, grabbing Ness’s hand and folding it within his own.

"Hey, Ness, you remember now, right?" Kaiser asked casually, his thumb brushing over the knuckles of Ness’s hand. After a pause, he lifted Ness’s hand to his lips, pressing a faint kiss somewhere above the line of fate.

"Yeah," Ness replied simply, turning to face him. He leaned in, brushing a light kiss against Kaiser’s cheek, his nose bumping clumsily against his cheekbone. "It’s okay, Kaiser. I’m me again."

"I love you," Kaiser blurted, suddenly grasping Ness by the wrists, his face proud and triumphant—like when he’d just figured out how to turn the tide of a match with an unexpected move. "So you can relax, Ness. You could’ve said something earlier—I wouldn’t have had to—"

"You don’t," Ness interrupted softly.

Kaiser’s mouth fell slightly open in confusion.

"It’s fine," Ness chuckled. His lips curled into the familiar, narrow smile that always appeared in Kaiser’s presence.

Inside him bubbled a thousand emotions—a wild mix of happiness, devotion, and a deep sense of belonging. He felt whole, alive, breathing again. How could Noah, the sports doctor, the surgeon, or the therapist have told him otherwise? Ness’s entire life was tied to Kaiser. If Kaiser had asked, Ness would have torn open his chest himself, ripping free the heart and rose-covered lungs with bare, bloodied hands to present to Kaiser—just for a flicker of his approval.

"…What?" Kaiser asked finally, swallowing hard. He looked disoriented, even scared.

"I appreciate it, Kaiser, but you don’t need to say that," Ness chided gently, brushing his fingertips over the contours of Kaiser’s face. The ridge of his brow, the soft lashes, the roughened corner of his lips. He tucked an unruly strand of Kaiser’s hair behind his ear.

"An emperor shouldn’t lie, especially not for someone like me," Ness murmured. "I see now how foolish I was to try to hold on to you. I won’t be a problem anymore."

The soft blanket rested lightly over Ness, the pillow’s escaped feather tickling his scalp. It was so warm and comfortable—if only this moment could freeze in time.

Tomorrow, Kaiser would meet someone new, remarkable, strong—someone like Sae, like Isagi, like Noa—and Ness would fade to the background again. How could he have ever expected otherwise? They were worlds apart. How had he been naive enough to hope to claim Kaiser entirely for himself?

It had taken near-death and six months of emptiness for Ness to accept this truth: Kaiser would never love him back. And wishing for more had been a fool’s errand.

Ness buried his face in Kaiser’s neck, pressing against the center of that familiar tattoo, wrapping his arms around him hesitantly. He knew these fleeting moments of Kaiser’s favor were rare, so he clung to them, savoring as much as he could before Kaiser inevitably grew tired of him.

But that was okay.

As long as he could see Kaiser now and then, catch the shadow of his smile, share even a few words a year—

He would choke on rose petals and oak leaves for the rest of his life.

Because, in the end...

Who was Ness without Kaiser?

[blissfully-queen]

Myrika, Queen Of Our Hearts ❤️

pink = dena

purple = janhe

Hi Myrika! I know you’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately and so I wanted to do something to cheer you up so I messaged J and asked her if we could collaborate on a project for you to show you how much we love and care about you. She of course said yes cause she’s a sweetie and loves you so much too!!! ❤️ We are so lucky to have someone as amazing as you as our best friend. You are an amazing, beautiful person who deserves the world and every good and pure thing in it. I hope one day I get the honor and joy of meeting you. I’m gonna give you the biggest hug I can and I’ll make sure to bring you Chick-Fil-A cause that place awesome and you’ll love it!! You’ll love it almost as much as I love you (; And this is J now! Dena called me a sweetie and she’s so lovely for asking me to do this for you. You really have good taste in friends, sis! And she told me you were in a rough time right now and she wanted to cheer you up! And I was like hECK YES. Because you deserve it, sis! You are a wonderful person who deserves every good thing in the world. I want to meet you someday so much and be able to give you a big hug. I love you so, so, so much. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. I appreciate you a lot. I’m gonna stop because I won’t have anything to say in the next part of this project lmao. Good luck with your ships, I’m sending you one in a bit and I probably had sent it already by the time you read this. Love you!

hi bby you cute thing you!! j and i wanted to do this for you to remind you of just how much we love and appreciate you. you are the most amazing friend i’ve ever had in my life and i can’t believe it’s been almost 2 years i’ve known you. i’m so jealous and sad i haven’t known you for longer but i’m so, so, so happy i met you because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you’ve been there through me through everything. making me feel safe when stuff was happening with my dad, boy problems, scary lab results, hospitals visits, anxiety attacks, boosting my confidence when i hated myself, and so much more. i still remember that one time i went to the er for chest pains in the middle of the night and you stayed up the whole time calming me down and checking in on me and didn’t go to bed until you knew i was safe and was on my way home. thank you for being there for me through the big and little problems. thank you for always being there listen and give me advice even if we know our advice to each other is so terrible. (lmho queens of bad decisions) you are the sweetest, most considerate person i know. you always try to make sure i’m okay even when you’re not. you are such a beautiful soul and i love you so freaking much.

things i love about you and being best friends with you:

~ you are so sweet

~ you’re funny and always make me laugh even when i’m in the worst of moods

~ you’re caring and supportive and loving and just have a big heart

~ you have this really beautiful and calming presence and i knew it and felt it from the second i met you

~ you always listen to my problems (mentor myrika ayyyyy)

~ your sass kills me but i love it sjsjsjsjjsjsjsjs you the sass quEEN

~ you’re creative and sis you’re such an amazing writer like wow one of these days you’re actually gonna kill me with feels i stg but like pop off girl you gonna replace jk rowling one day

~ you love vine just as much as i do if not more

~ d i s n e y & greenhouse academy

~ your taste in music is amazing and i love like every song you recommend me

~ our strange humor and the fact we can be so stupid and weird and not care

~ we rage over video games together

~ chicken nuggets

~ when i’ll bring someone up to you and you’re like “... who?” and like it makes me laugh every time

~ us roasting aiden, jon and travis

~ you were always the queen of ttr fashion shows like hello? a legend in the fashion show world wow

~ us being so confused and making fun of each others countries sjsjsjjssj

girl you’re the most amazing person i know and i have no idea what i’d do without you. you are my sunshine. you cheer me up and make me happy when i’m having a rough time. i love you. thank you for everything you’ve done for me over these past 2 years. you have no idea how much you mean to me. you’re the best. you’re loved, you’re wanted, you’re gorgeous inside and out, you’re gonna have an amazing future and do amazing things. i’m so proud of you and the person you are. i’ve seen you blossom so much and it’s amazing. i hope you’re always in my life and we stay best friends and have our own island one day and are roommates (and they were ROOMATES). i love you my wife, my life. you’re my chicken, my chica, my sister, my mentor, my cohort/partner in crime, my ride or die, my best friend.

j’s part:

Okay sis, I’m sending you Roger Taylor pics while I write you this so if I stop sending them, it’s because of this. And now I stopped bc it’s another day and it will probably look out of context so I’m sorry. And you know my english isn’t perfect and you aren’t here to edit this okay, so I maybe ask Dena to help me correcting this sorry. Dena asked me if I wanted to join to this idea of hers to remind you of the wonderful human being you are. She said you talked to her about me wHAT DID YOU SAY HFIEUHF sorry. And of course I agreed, how couldn’t I? I just wanna tell you how grateful I am because I can consider you my friend, probably my closest friend even! I never had an internet friend before, like ever. I had talked to some people before, but it never lasted. Our friendship did, thank God it did. Because you are a beautiful person, and I mean it. You are always there for me. You don’t know how many times I came from a bad day to my room, feeling like shit, until you would tell me: “Wanna write something tonight?”. I swear my face would light up! And those writing sessions always made me feel better. I felt happy again. You helped me to get through a lot, and maybe you didn’t even realise! And we’ve been friends for what? Three months? And I already feel like you’re one of my closest friends, including my irl friends! Because you deserve it, you are great. I can’t even express myself in how much I love you, how much I enjoy talking to you, how many times you made me laugh even if you couldn’t see it. I know that here on the internet, when somebody says “I love you” or “You are beautiful” you could feel like they don’t mean it actually. But I really do, I need you to know that. You are a beautiful person, who’s full of life and came to make my life a little bit brighter. Lmao I sounded so poetic there, are you proud of me? I’m so excited to be your friend and see where does this friendship takes us. And I hope we last a lot of time being friends! (wE WON’T IF YOU KEEP EXPOSING MY IRONICAL FICS ON TUMBLR OK jk I loved you exposing me <33). I really hope you know how much you are loved. You are a great girl who deserves the world and I can’t wait for us to meet each other everyday a little more. I’m so happy you found me, I’ve been blessed with your friendship. And don’t forget how good of a friend you are, how much of a great person you are, and how beautiful you are. Please don’t forget it. I love you with all my heart. PS: btw, I sounded pretty emotional a few times but I’m listening to Foreign Sand by Roger while writing this like can you blame me? (listen to it if you haven’t yet).

My list of my fav things about you, myr <333

~ Your sense of humor

~ It’s a cliché but we botH LOVE QUEEN you don’t understand how much that means to me. I can tell you how much I need a roger taylor without feeling embarrassed.

~ The fact that Misfire comes up to every conversation of ours at least once.

~ You’re such a funny person liKE I CAN’T HANDLE IT

~ The fact that you love my fics like how can you like that rubbish.

~ You always support me on writing.

~ The fact that we both agree on that Man On Fire’s video is a threat to humanity.

~ The fact that we both agree on “Deacy”.

~ You being so supportive with me in a lot of senses, not only the writing thing

~ The fact that even if we are miles away from each other and in two extremes of the world (wTF), you still get to make me smile.

~ I LAUGH EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

~ We are both sad potatoes and we can relate on each other in a lot of things.

~ You’re so kind, so nice, so compassionate. Maybe too nice. And I love you for that.

~ The fact that we had each other to scream over Rami’s winning on the Oscars like really thank God I could scream with you.

~ The fact that yOU WROTE ME A FIC WITH ROGER YOU TOOK YOUR TIME TO MAKE ME A GOOD PRESENT it’s the cutest thing someone ever gave me for my birthday, even if you didn’t have to. I read it all the time!

~ You say “I love you” a lot to me. It makes me smile every time.

I love you, you’re loved, by Dena, by me. You’re a lucky girl for having us as friends. I love you so much, you better smile at least once today, because I don’t doubt your smile must be so beautiful. And I’m so lucky for getting to know you as well <3

WE LOVE YOU,

Dena & Janhe

[astrxealis]

HHH IM THANKFUL YOU LIKE MY OCSS <3

so im gonna reply back with my rambles about them bc they are my lovely children </3

astra and atlus! god yes, i love astra sincerely and truly and like atlus is indeed the child i feel emotionally attached to bc now i envisioned him to be an older brother that i never had and now im super upset with what i’ll do to him— and yes. please be worried for him

OKAY OKAY THE TWINS? I LOVE THEIR DESIGNS SO MUCH and the story of deity trials has like a whole morale thing, and they have the most important moral and kind of the reason for everything in deity trials. while yes astra is the main character who goes through the story and such, the twins are the ones to set everything up to lead to the main and final point of the story!!

OH OH AND LIKE AAA the gods? lyra and thyme are indeed the assholes— listen those two could give less than two shits about humanity. delvin and voices and leif will and forever will be my happy little place as they deserve not only the best but the whole goddamn world.

WEEEEE NP AT ALL ELY !! <3 only read this now again (I ANSWERED THIS LIKE HALFWAY THRU N THEN GOT SIDETRACKED /LH normal day with aster WHEEZEJWHSH) but Heck Yeah Let's GOOOO (under the cut tho so no one's dashes r yeah, just in case >.<)

also rambling abt ocs >>>>>, your lovely children r great btw TuT ♡

AAAAA astra !! look i dont know em that much yet but ic understandable ;( <3 also ngl that's pretty cute hehe T^T it's great that you find that with them, your own ocs !! ✊🤝💖 but o... super upset u say... j that i shld be worried ......... 😰😰 im not gna pry bcs 🙈🙈 maybe if i pretend nothing happens to him it wont happen /lh HELPWJWBDJ OK BUT AGAIN i want to say i love their designs omg <3

WEEEE THE TWINS !! yes i too love how u did their designs ?? TvT ♡ morale thing morals aaaaa idk much abt your story yet ofc but the deity trials. morals WHAHDHSH I LOVE GOD STUFF N MORALS !! fr the twins seem rlly interesting not just biased bcs i have a twin myself, once again /lh but i see !! that really sounds interesting no lie hehe <33

👁👁✨ ngl im pretty intrigued abt lyra and thyme bcs like. they do seem like assholes but im curious as to why and all that stuff if that makes sense ?? hehehe 👀 but delvin, voices, leif... they all seem rlly cool no lie WHWBJDJW <3 it's cute theyre your happy lil place tbh — i'll wish the best for them as well !! lowkey curious if anything. bad. worrisome. happins to em in the story you have 😰😰 oh naur