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lloydskywalkers · 5 years ago

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There’s Insurance for That

In which Skylor buys lunch, stops a criminal, and learns the best way to blow up the kitchen electronics section, which is a pretty normal week for her, she guesses. Or, five places the ninja are no longer allowed into, featuring Skylor.

(been hitting a bit of a writer’s block with everything else lately, so here’s this...disaster, i guess?? because these ninja are definitely a disaster in this, but i was having fun so. this is the bed bath & beyond fic btw, in case anyone was wondering gdfkgdh)

1. My. Kazami’s Ramen Place

At this point, sadly, Skylor’s used to it.

It’s around a quarter to noon on a Monday, just as she's leaving the noodle shop for her well-deserved lunch break, when a familiar scream splits the relatively-quiet afternoon air on this side of Ninjago City.

The only reason Skylor does not immediately dissolve into panic at said scream is because she is — also sadly — familiar with the variations of it, and this one sounds less like it’s Lloyd’s “I’m-in-terrible-danger-and/or-pain-again” scream, and more like his “I’m-free-falling-on-purpose-from-the-sky-again” scream. Which is, in and of itself, not entirely concerning. In fact, it’d probably be more unusual not to see Lloyd go falling from the sky at some point during any of the ninjas’ higher-than-eight-feet battles, because somehow that’s become a habitual thing. The sky is blue, fire is hot, Kai uses hair gel — Lloyd is going to drop screaming from the sky at some point this month.

So instead of panicking, Skylor figures she’ll just stand in the vicinity until Lloyd either climbs out of another dumpster, or lands on top of her. Kai doesn’t seem to be around to catch him, so Skylor’s prepared to step up, even though it looks like Lloyd’s got a pretty good handle on landing, at the angle she’s watching him from.

Still though, she muses. You’d think he’d have started actively wearing a parachute at this point.

“Kai suggested that,” Lloyd says, after he’s finally able to stand straight, and he’s not quite as cross-eyed. He frowns at his reflection in a store window as they pass by, scuffing at his windblown hair again. “But it gets in the way, you know? It throws off my backflips.”

“That’s a nail in the coffin right there,” Skylor agrees, leading them across another sidewalk. Lloyd’s attracting a lot of looks, with his bright green battle gi and razor-sharp sword strapped across his back, but fortunately no one’s started crowding them yet. Probably because the razor-sharp sword strapped to his back. “Can’t have your fighting style completely crippled,” she adds.

“I don’t backflip that much,” Lloyd huffs. Yes, you do, is on the tip of Skylor’s tongue, because she’s seen him fight, but she decides not to pick that battle…this time.

“Besides,” Lloyd continues. “I don’t really need a parachute, anyways. I always make sure to aim for like, somewhere safe to land. Relatively safe. Safe-ish.”

Skylor eyes him. “You landed in a dumpster.”

Lloyd bristles in offense. “I did not! It was a perfectly respectable recycling bin.”

“Same thing, if you ask me.”

“Not even close. Dumpsters are gross. Recycling bins you just crash through a whole bunch of cardboard and old newspapers. It’s luxury trash diving.”

Skylor just sighs, shaking her head, and edits the text she’s been tapping out for Kai.

Skylor > found your kid in a recycling bin

Skylor > taking him to lunch bc you’re clearly starving him again

Skylor > he’s alive btw

Kai > oh thank fsm

Kai > tell him he’s grounded

Kai > u never take me for lunch :(

Skylor > maybe if u dropped on me from the sky sometime i would

“Hey, are the others busy?” she asks Lloyd in afterthought. “Like…fighting anyone?”

“Huh?” Lloyd blinks. He then flushes, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah, no. We’d pretty much finished up the fight when I, uh…there was a break-in, on the Bounty? We had the guys all taken care of, but they blew part of the mast up, and it left debris all over the deck, so I kind of…maybe….tripped…”

Lloyd is bright red by the time he finishes the sentence. Skylor wouldn’t feel so bad about it, if she wasn’t doubled over laughing at him in the middle of rush hour traffic.

“You are a trained ninja,” she breathes out, between snickers.

“I know,” Lloyd moans.

“You’re like, part god.”

“I know,” Lloyd moans again, into his hands this time. Skylor has to grab his shoulders and forcibly drag him along down the crowded street, trying not to cringe inside at all the looks they’re getting.

“Kai says you’re grounded, by the way,” she says, as the last of her laughter fades.

That snaps Lloyd out of it. “He can’t ground me,” he scowls. “I’m leader.”

“Stop falling from the sky, and maybe he’ll give it a rest,” Skylor replies, glancing down as her phone buzzes again.

Kai > I’d join u but I’m stuck on prison delivery

Kai > nya’s coming to pick up the demon spawn tho

Skylor > nice I’ve been wanting to buy her lunch

Kai > cruel

“—don’t know what you mean, I don’t fall that often, and most of the time it’s on purpose, anyways—”

Skylor chooses to ignore Lloyd’s slightly-concerning, sulking rambling, and pats his shoulder instead. “Nya’s coming for lunch, too,” she says. “Does ramen sound good?”

“Oh, yeah.” Lloyd brightens, seemingly cheered by the reminder he’s getting food out of this. “It’s been a while since I’ve eaten out.”

“I can tell,” Skylor says, eyeing him. “Cole hasn’t been cooking for you, has he?"

“No, but we put Zane on mandatory break so he could relax a bit, and we’re all suffering for it.”

Lloyd and Skylor both jump at Nya’s voice, not having heard her coming up behind them.

“Nya!” Lloyd beams. “Skylor is — ouch, hey, let go!”

“That’s what you get for giving me gray hairs again,” Nya scolds, digging her knuckles into Lloyd’s hair. She looks up from the hold she’s pulled him into, and smiles brightly at Skylor. “Hi, Skylor. Nice to see you.”

“Hi, Nya.” Skylor gives a little wave, watching Lloyd squirm out of Nya’s grasp in amusement.

“So, ramen?” Nya says, giving Lloyd one last elbow in the side before joining Skylor.

“Yeah,” she says. “I was thinking the place down on seventh, the Sobahouse, I think?”

Lloyd and Nya both stiffen, their steps slowing. Skylor pauses, turning to stare at them in confusion. “That’s not the one owned by someone named Mr. Kazami, is it?” Nya finally asks, hesitantly.

“Uh, yeah, it is, actually,” Skylor blinks. “He’s pretty nice, we go to the same grocer on weekends.”

“Ah,” Lloyd says, carefully.

“Hm,” Nya hesitates.

Skylor looks between the two of them, now completely stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. She really hopes no one is getting pictures of her like this. There are enough flash articles about the rumored orange ninja cryptid on the internet as it is. “Is that…a problem?”

Nya pointedly stares at the sky as if it’s the most interesting thing she’s seen all day. Baffled, Skylor tries the weaker link. Lloyd swallows, avoiding her eyes as he bounces from leg to leg, as if the mere thought of trying to enter the restaurant is terrifying. Which is mildly alarming, because this is the same kid who power-walked straight into a prison full of escaped violent criminals, his psychotic ex, and his undead murderous dad without hesitation.

“We can’t,” Lloyd finally mutters, staring at the sidewalk. Nya elbows him in the side, hissing “weak link” as she does. Lloyd just glares at her.

“O-okay,” Skylor says, unsure. “I mean, that’s fine if you guys want to go somewhere else. I just didn’t know you…didn’t like this place…”

“No, we do,” Lloyd grinds out, and he looks more embarrassed than terrified now, so Skylor aborts her half-formed plans of speed-dialing Karloff. “We just can’t. Go in, that is. We’re not allowed to.”

Skylor stares at him. “You’re not allowed in? Why not?”

“Because,” Nya forces through gritted teeth. “They banned us.”

“They what?” Skylor gapes.

Nya presses her lips together tightly. Lloyd stares very hard at the ground, as if desperately trying to convince himself to keep quiet. Skylor can pinpoint the moment he breaks, his expression contorting as he throws his hands up wildly. “You blow their electrical system up one time—”

“Oh guys, no,” Skylor groans, before bursting into laughter at him for the second time that day. Lloyd looks incredibly unappreciative, his expression scrunching up in annoyance like she hasn’t seen since that one stupid skating match with Chamille, and that just makes her laugh harder.

“We were trying to save them!” Nya defends indignantly. “It’s not our fault they had weak wiring—”

“I just got a little too into it, it’s — it’s Nya’s fault, she’s the one that said it’d be cool if I tried to do shockwave thing like in—”

“That was a mutual thing and you know it!”

“Oh guys, no,” Skylor wheezes into her hands.

“It worked!”

“Poor Mr. Kazami,” Skylor manages, through snickers. Lloyd’s shoulders slump, his upper lip pouting, and Nya crosses her arms, as if refusing to look ashamed.

“It’s not like the other guys aren’t banned from anywhere, either—”

“Alright, alright,” Skylor waves her hands, taking pity on them. “We’ll go somewhere else.”

“Good,” Nya mutters, as Lloyd exhales in relief. Skylor just snickers again, leading them down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. She bites her lip, shaking her head, before a thought occurs to her.

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘it’s not like they aren’t banned from anywhere’?” she frowns. “You guys are banned from more than one place?”

“No,” Nya says firmly, before Lloyd can even speak up. “Forget I said anything.”

Skylor will do no such thing, but she decides it’s in her best interest not to pursue it. Nya is not the sort of person to trifle with, and she does want that ramen.

She gets her answer soon enough, anyways.

2. Ninjago City Aquarium

While Skylor has the early shift on Tuesdays, she does get the afternoons off, which is pretty nice for the most part, if it didn’t mean she’d be bored for the rest of the day. So she hits the grocery store and decides to take the long way home, partially because walking is supposed to be good for you, and partially in hopes that one of the ninja will drop in on her again.

She’s not disappointed.

Granted, a minor explosion going off from inside the Ninjago City Aquarium wasn’t exactly what she was expecting today, but the figures in bright red and white arguing furiously outside the security perimeter are par for the course.

It’s a little odd that they haven’t already rushed in yet, Skylor notes, but with the way they’re loudly yelling at each other in the middle of the street, she figures she’ll find out soon enough.

“No, Kai, it is our civic duty to follow the laws put in place for the safety of civilians—”

“Oh come on, you get brainwashed into a slightly-murderous emperor one time and now you’re a stickler for everything?!”

"One time was enough, Kai!”

“Uh, hi guys,” Skylor approaches the two, hesitantly. “Is everything alright?”

“Skylor!” Kai whirls on her, his eyes wild. “Thank FSM, you’ve gotta help us out — they won’t let us in!” He shakes his fist at the aquarium doors, before springing for the security gate. “Let us in, let us in—”

“Shaking the gate like an animal is not going to convince them, Kai!” Zane pleads, prying Kai away. He shoots Skylor an apologetic glance as he wrangles Kai into a gentle chokehold. “We would greatly appreciate your help, if possible. There’s a low-threat criminal with an unfortunate assortment of weaponry who ran into the aquarium, and we’re legally unable to pursue. If you could try to drive him out, perhaps?”

“I — you — you’re what?” Skylor has the weirdest sense of déjà vu, before it’s lost in confusion. Her head swivels from the frustrated expression on Kai’s face to the pleading one on Zane’s, then to the grocery bags in her hands. She looks back up at Kai, who’s now giving her the puppy eyes. Something from inside the aquarium explodes loudly.

“Sure,” she sighs, handing Kai her grocery bags. “Just one guy?”

“Just one guy,” Kai exhales in relief. “You’re a lifesaver, Skylor, I — hey, are these those snack cakes they made to look like us?”

“Yes, eat them and you die,” Skylor hisses. She turns to Zane, holding her hand out half-hesitantly. “Lend a girl some ice powers?”

“Of course,” Zane nods, letting her take his hand. There’s a brief moment as Skylor melds her power with Zane’s, absorbing the icy force and mimicking it to her own — a part of her notes vaguely that it’s stronger than the last time she borrowed it, but she shakes it off, pulling her hand back and tugging the hood of her jacket up, mentally hoping no one writes another article about the possible existence of a cryptid orange ninja after this.

“Alright,” she says. “Be back in five.”

“Thank you,” Zane says fervently, as Kai sputters, “Hey, why didn’t you borrow my power?”

“Because fire is explosive, and you’ve gotta be banned from here for a reason!” Skylor calls back, ice already misting over her fingertips as she sprints inside the aquarium.

“You’d be surprised,” Kai mutters, after her retreating back.

***********************

“So,” Skylor says, flexing her right hand and wincing briefly. That last right hook she’d thrown at the guy might have been a little too hard, in hindsight. But he was being a jerk, and threatening to set off a bomb near the little seahorses — and it did do the trick, so now the aquarium can have the host of cop cars off its back. Skylor feels pretty accomplished in her good deed for the day, actually. “Why, again, couldn’t you guys have taken care of that yourselves? Not that I minded,” she adds, quickly. Using the ice element had been fun. She’d forgotten what she could do with Zane’s powers.

Kai gives a nervous laugh that’s so fake it almost hurts, especially with the pained expression he makes at the end. Zane just rubs his temple with a hand, looking eternally weary.

“Like I said, we are legally not permitted to enter the aquarium, until…when was it again, Kai?”

“Five years from now,” Kai mutters. “Or whenever the director dies.”

“Yes, five years from now,” Zane repeats, with a dead sort of look in his eyes. “So your assistance was very much appreciated. Thank you.”

“It was no problem, but — wait, hold on, how are you banned from the aquarium for five years?” she stutters. “I mean, I can get Lloyd and Nya with the ramen place—”

“Ha! They told you about that? It was great—”

“Kai, please.”

“—and I can understand Kai, but you, Zane?”

She feels a little guilty for calling him out so bluntly, but it’s Zane. Zane doesn’t just get banned from places, she has to know. And he doesn’t look too upset at the question. Kai looks mildly betrayed, but not that much. They both know Skylor’s point is too valid for him to argue with effectively.

Zane gives another bone-weary sigh. “There is a small chance, that there was a time we were pursuing another villain here, and during that battle, I might have…underestimated the amount of ice I was putting out.” Zane shifts, looking pained. “Which in turn accidentally spread to any bodies of liquid that happened to be nearby at the time, which perhaps were filled with rather expensive aquatic life.”

“You froze a fish exhibit,” Skylor deadpans.

“They were merely in extreme hibernation,” Zane grits out. “They would have been fine, had Kai not tried to fix the ice.”

“Hey, it made sense! I could melt it quickest!”

“Except you didn’t just melt it, did you? No, you had an entire fish fry—”

“The poor fish,” Skylor says, staring at them blankly. “What were they?”

“Like, these rainbow fish, from way up north, I think?” Kai says. “I swear I didn’t make it that hot.”

“The water was boiling, Kai!”

“You fish murderer,” Skylor says, the corners of her mouth trembling with the laugh she’s holding back. Kai glares at Zane, then her, then Zane again.

“I didn’t freeze them solid.”

“Whatever the cause of their death, they died, and we’re banned now,” Zane says, hastily. “End of story. Would you like to take this back to the Bounty, Skylor? I know the others have been wanting to see you, and we can at least offer you tea in thanks.” He eyes the grocery bags Kai’s still holding. “Unless, of course, you wish to return home…”

“Nah, tea sounds good,” she smiles. “Besides, I bought the snack cakes for you guys to try anyways. They’ve got little squashed ninja faces in icing on ‘em.”

“You’re the best,” Kai says, looking somewhat relieved, and oh, he definitely ate one while Skylor was in there. She’s going to have to pay him back for that one…

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she says airily, figuring she’ll take her revenge later. “You can tell me more about the fish massacre on our way back. By the way, Pixal wouldn’t happen to have heard this story, would she?”

Zane gives her a look, and she almost feels bad about it. “I’m going to regret inviting you, aren’t I.”

“Maybe,” she grins. “Jury’s still out.”

3. An Entire Drugstore Chain

Wednesdays are always busy at the noodle shop, for reasons Skylor has yet to figure out. Fridays she understands, but the middle of the week? Nothing kills your drive like knowing you’re going to do this all over again in a day.

It’s good money for the shop though, she reminds herself as she locks up that evening. Any money is good money for the shop, because her stupid dad made sure she’d have a real hole to dig herself out of there, but Wednesday money is always especially good. Even if she ends up leaving the shop late and can’t get the noodle smell from her hair for the next three days.

Normally, she’d trudge home and crash into bed after these kind of shifts. But tonight is different, because she stayed long enough at the Bounty yesterday to get invited to game night, and once you’ve promised the ninja you’re going to bring snacks for Monopoly, you can’t just say no. Not unless you want Lloyd to shoot betrayed glares at you the rest of the month.

Besides, she’s promised Kai she’ll sneak out to the movies with him afterwards, and she can’t just go breaking that promise. Plus, she’s not heartless enough to deny Cole cake when he’s got the most spectacular black eye she’s seen all year bruising up around the left side of his face.

“Lucky hit,” Cole grumbles, after she’s been caught staring too long. She hasn’t wanted to ask him about it, since it seems a sensitive subject and he’s already taking the time to help her pick up (carry) all the snacks. But it’s impossible to miss, even in the dim streetlights they’re walking under, and Skylor cares about her friends, thank you very much. “We busted some drug dealers today, and I got too relaxed.”

“They normally really aren’t any match for you, to be fair,” Skylor offers.

“They weren’t this time either, that’s the sad thing,” Cole says, scrubbing a hand through his thick hair as they wait at the stoplight. “This was all on me. I kinda deserved it.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Skylor tries to console him, even though the ugly red at the edge of his eye says otherwise.

Cole gives her a bleak look. “Jay made a joke, and I laughed at it. And then I got hit across the face with a baseball bat, mid-laugh.”

“Ouch,” Skylor hisses through her teeth. “Never mind, that’s bad. Was it a good joke, at least?”

“No, that’s the thing,” Cole groans, as the light finally turns red, allowing them to cross the street. “It was terrible. And I still laughed hard enough not to notice a bat coming for my face.”

Skylor grimaces. “You were just being a good friend, I guess,” she says, and Cole snorts. “Like you are to me, right now,” she continues, glancing ruefully at the shopping list she’s been sent. “I was going to say I had it handled, then I actually looked at everything you guys asked for.”

Cole laughs sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s…that’s us, I guess. Sorry about that. We’re paying for it all, don’t worry.”

“What?” Skylor blinks. Oh no, no way. The ninja have done enough for her, the least she can do is cover a couple bags of popcorn and like ten things of M&M’s. “No, I got it. I owe you guys, anyways.”

Cole bristles. “No way. We owe you, if anything. The amount of times you’ve covered our tab at the noodle shop?”

“How about the amount of times you’ve saved my noodle shop?” Skylor shoots back. “That outweighs a few measly tabs.”

“The only reason we had to save it was because we were there in the first place,” Cole points out. “We’re danger magnets.”

“I’m sorry, I’m the daughter of Chen, remember?” Skylor huffs. “I can attract enemies all by myself.”

“Not as many as we do,” Cole says. “Also! You helped us beat Chen, and get Zane back. We’re eternally indebted to you.”

Skylor narrows her eyes. “Only after I stabbed you all in the back. So I eternally owe you.”

“Bold of you to assume we haven’t all stabbed each other in the back at some point,” Cole scoffs. “Trust me, you’re nowhere as bad as Lloyd — he like, single-handedly ruined our whole month by letting a bunch of snakes out.”

Skylor pauses at that, torn between refuting his argument and asking how in the world Lloyd, of all people, could possibly manage to wreak enough havoc to—

Actually, she doesn’t have any trouble believing that at all. But to be sure— “Lloyd let the Serpentine out? All by himself?”

Cole looses a bit of his fire, and scuffs his shoe awkwardly across the sidewalk. “I mean, we did give him a pretty hard time when he was like, eight years old and homeless and starving, so uh, it might’ve been a little...provoked.”

“FSM’s sake,” Skylor mutters, staring at the sky and trying not to be surprised, because she really shouldn’t by now. “I can’t believe you guys are all still alive.”

“Neither can we, if it helps,” Cole shrugs, grinning. “But you know, technically—”

“If you make another ghost joke, we’re skipping the cake section,” Skylor says, firmly.

Cole sulks. “Jay would’ve made a ghost joke,” he mutters.

“Jay also got you hit in the face by a bat, so his judgement is questionable as it is,” Skylor shakes her head. “Oh! There’s a drugstore right here, wanna hit that instead?”

“Sure,” Cole says. “As long as it’s not…oh.”

Skylor makes it another three steps before she realizes that Cole’s fallen behind. Confused, she turns to stare at him where he’s frozen on the sidewalk, looking up at the bright red drugstore sign and biting his lip.

“Everything okay back there?” Skylor says, wondering if he didn’t get hit in the head harder than he’s let on. Cole nods, but he also takes several steps back out of the streetlight, hiding himself from view of the store.

“Here’s an idea,” he says, suddenly. “How about we go anywhere else.”

Skylor stares at him, a sinking feeling in her chest coupled with the slowly-growing-familiar sense of déjà-vu. “Cole.” He doesn’t meet her eyes, and Skylor sighs. “Please tell me you haven’t been banned from somewhere, too.”

“It’s not just me, Lloyd and Jay also got banned,” Cole snaps, before realizing his mistake and ducking his head.

“You’re kidding me,” Skylor says flatly, looking back at the drugstore, then to Cole. “This is like, the shadiest drugstore on this side on Ninjago. How?”

Cole mumbles something under his breath, and Skylor strains to make it out. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I kind of, um, threw Lloyd through their wall,” Cole mutters again, looking as if he’d like very much to disappear entirely into the street side. Which is funny, because—

His sentence finally registers, and Skylor blinks rapidly. “Wait, you what?”

Cole’s eyes widen, and waves his arms quickly. “Not like — not like Garmadon-throwing him through a wall! He was fine after.”

Skylor has a brief, bizarre kind of moment to digest the fact that there is a distinction for throwing the youngest of their team through a wall, before Cole continues.

“I was aiming for the window — that one right there, see? The robbers were already on the move, so Lloyd was like ‘launch me, Cole’ and I said ‘great idea’, but we were also maybe high on adrenaline at the time and I forgot how much of my lava punch I had going, so I overshot and ended up smashing him through their wall, a little bit.”

“You smashed him through their wall. Just a little bit.”

“Hey, it worked. He took out all five guys in one go and only had a tiny concussion after—”

“How do you even have a tiny concussion—”

“I still don’t get why they were so mad, I mean we stopped the robbery! Sure, half their storefront wall sort of collapsed afterwards, but like, we got their money back.”

“So that’s why they were closed six months for renovations,” Skylor groans into her hands.

Cole crosses his arms, glaring stubbornly at the store’s sign. “It wasn’t six months,” he protests. “It was only like, four. I don’t see how that gives them the right to ban us for life.”

“For life—” Skylor can’t decide if she wants to laugh at him, or cry because her list of places she can hang out with the ninja is shrinking faster than she’d thought possible. She finally blows her breath out, rubs a hand across her face, and glances back down at the shopping list.

“You aren’t banned from the one on eighth street, are you?”

Cole bites his lips. “We’re uh, banned from all of them. It’s a chain store, so…”

“Of course,” Skylor sighs. “Walmart it is, then.”

And if anyone pesters them about being late, she’s going to ask how many times, exactly, somebody’s smashed Lloyd through a wall. Because really. This is getting ridiculous.

4. Bed Bath & Beyond

Thursday is normally her day off, but whatever she had for dinner last night gave her freaky dreams, so Skylor ends up puttering around the shop early that morning just to take her mind off it. It’s a bit overcast outside, and the forecast predicts rain, so Skylor’s already making plans to curl up in her bed and watch movies all day, and maybe get a bit of laundry done.

She should know better.

It’s a commonly known fact that the ninja, Kai especially, would do pretty much anything for their pseudo-little brother. Skylor’s actually heard Kai, on multiple occasion, threaten to die for Lloyd, then immediately try and make it reality. No one ever really appreciates that, Lloyd especially, but Skylor can give him credit for trying.

However, it’s a commonly overlooked fact that Lloyd would do anything for his pseudo-older siblings. It’s an even more commonly overlooked fact that Lloyd is the spawn of satan, and was raised at a boarding school for future villains and terrible children. Combined, these two facts mean that while you should definitely fear Lloyd trying to die for you, you should probably fear him trying to look out for you more, because it’s likely going to end with somebody dead. Or at least the total disruption of your plans for the day, as Skylor opens the shop windows to come face with an absolutely terrifying expression on Lloyd’s face, followed up by a deadly calm “Kai came home sad last night.”

Skylor scrubs at her eyes, and thinks, it’s too early for this.

A while back, when she was still stuck with her jerk of a father, Skylor might have found Lloyd’s part-Oni expression of doom intimidating. Now, however, she just rolls her eyes, and sticks one of the little ‘50% Off!’ stickers she’s been putting on rice cakes across his forehead.

“The dog died in the last movie we saw last night,” she explains, as Lloyd sputters at her.

He pauses, nose wrinkling. “Oh,” he says. “Boo.”

“Yeah,” she says, stepping back and allowing him to neatly front-flip through her window. Darned show-off kid, she thinks despairingly, watching him land perfectly on her freshly-waxed floors.

“Well, you’re good then, I guess,” he says, expression lightening. “That makes sense. How many movies did you make it into this time, by the way?”

“Only four this time,” Skylor sighs, turning to plaster the rest of her stickers on the nearly-expired rice cake packages. “We caught the beginning of that new superhero movie, then the opening fight of some spy movie, and the middle of that one horror movie with the dolls.” Lloyd shudders. “Yeah, Kai wasn’t a fan either. Anyways, we made it into this new romance one, but we ran into a theater employee on the way in and Kai had a guilt attack, so we stayed until the end of that one.”

Lloyd tsks. “Oh, Kai. And he’s so sold on his bad boy image.”

“One day he’ll embrace the fact that he’s just a big softie,” Skylor nods. “One of these days.”

“Yeah, when hell freezes over,” Lloyd snorts. He glances around at the empty shop, then back at her. “Hey, today’s your day off, right?”

Skylor gets a sinking kind of feeling in her stomach at that, alarm bells going off in the back of her head. “It might be,” she says, warily.

“Good,” Lloyd grins. “You should come to Bed Bath and Beyond with us, then.”

Well, she wasn’t expecting that. “Why…would you be going there?” she asks, blankly. Do they have a secret ninja weapon bargain bin she’s been missing out on? Is Bed Bath & Beyond secretly hosting an illegal crime ring she’s been unaware of? Does she need to return the shower curtain rings she bought there last week on basis of being a good citizen?

“Zane froze the blender solid before practice this morning,” Lloyd explains, his mouth twisting a bit. “We were making smoothies and someone accidentally brought up the Never Realm.”

“Ouch,” Skylor winces sympathetically. She’s still not heard the entire story of what went down during the ninja’s jaunt out of realm, besides a whole lot of panicked texts from Pixal and half-explanations from Kai, but she knows it wasn’t fun, especially for poor Zane.

“Yeah,” Lloyd sighs. “So now our blender is dead and we can’t make smoothies anymore, so we’re buying a new one before Nya can start strangling people. Wanna come?”

Skylor eyes him shrewdly. At face, it’s an innocent enough request. She’s certainly been invited to worse places than a household furnishings store, and picking up a blender is quite possibly the simplest thing the ninja have ever asked her to do. Which probably just means it’s going to go horribly and the store’s going to blow up ten minutes in, but hey, Skylor’s day was looking pretty boring anyway.

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs. “Lemme stick the last of these on, and I’m in. Just — hey, no, I’m selling those!”

Lloyd freezes in place, the rice cake package dangling from his fingers. He gives her the most pathetically sad-eyed look she’s ever seen, and not for the first time, Skylor finds herself wondering how this is the same kid who runs a highly-skilled ninja team of unimaginable power.

“Just the one,” she finally relents, because Skylor is a spineless weakling when it comes to puppy eyes, apparently. Lloyd beams, snatching the cakes up happily. “And just because you look like a starving vagrant again.”

“I do not,” Lloyd protests, through a muffled mouthful of rice cake. “I’m just super in shape. I’m jacked as heck.”

Skylor rolls her eyes. “Sure you are, you — hey, I said just one!”

***********************

So Skylor ends up at Bed Bath & Beyond on her day off, five minutes after the store’s opened for the day, and already wishing she’d slept in later.

Nya brings her coffee, though, and their bright-eyed enthusiasm at reclaiming their means of smoothie-making is infectious, so Skylor finds herself in high spirits as they walk through the store doors, almost to the point where she lets Lloyd go for stealing all her rice cakes.

However, she’s already let him get away with too much as it is, so Skylor decides to take her revenge by ruffling Lloyd’s hair, before informing the sales lady that it’s her “darling little brother’s thirteenth birthday, and he’s finally outgrown his kiddie bed, could you point us to the big kid ones, please?”

Lloyd’s attempts at strangling her are thwarted by Nya as the lady smiles airily, before pointing them to the back, and Zane has to drag Kai along with them before he suffocates on the laughter he’s choking back.

“Family shopping trips are always so much fun,” Jay remarks, as they browse the bedding section, having been successfully distracted by the animal-shaped pillows. They’ve already had to flee the lamp section, after Lloyd and Jay started having a little too much fun, despite Kai’s despair over being robbed yet again of a new lava lamp.

“One day,” he mourns. “One day, I will own another.”

Skylor pats his back consolingly. “I’m sure that’s what everyone else whose lava lamps got smashed by a giant stone colossi say.”

“I still don’t see why we can’t invest in a cappuccino maker,” Nya pouts, as they pass the coffee appliances section. “Look, there’s one on sale, too!”

“Because you can and will abuse the use of it, and then someone will end up going to the hospital for extreme heart rate elevation,” Zane glares pointedly at her. Skylor smothers a laugh as Nya scowls.

“I’m not that bad,” she grumbles under her breath, only for the others to all chime “ice cube incident” in unison. Nya goes a dark shade of red and glares at the floor as if she’s capable of lighting it on on fire with her eyes, but she doesn’t argue back.

Skylor doesn’t even want to know.

“Alright, here are our options,” Cole announces, when they’ve finally fought their way to the blender shelves. “We can get the same one we had, just a little smaller, or we can get this other one that’s half-off.” He squints at both tags. “Having looked at our bank account recently, I vote the half-off one.”

“No way,” Jay argues. “Do you see how small that one is? I can’t make my triple-espresso energy-drink smoothie with that!”

Lloyd stares at him in concern. “That’s…probably a good thing?”

Jay glares at him. “You’re one to talk, Mr. night owl.”

“I’m with Jay, that one’s way too small,” Nya says. “It won’t do.”

“What, and the other one’s better?” Kai shoots back. “Look how cheap it is, I could break this thing in my sleep.”

“The online reviews for both are perfectly fine,” Zane adds, half-heartedly, as if he already knows they’re all going to ignore that particular statement.

“What about this one?” Jay says, his eyes lighting up as he gestures to the extra-large, fancy blender. “Think of all the smoothies we could make, Cole. Think of the milkshakes.”

Cole pinches the bridge of his nose. “We are not investing in some fancy blender, just for you to complain it’s too complicated five seconds in.”

Skylor crosses over to the blenders, glancing at both. “I mean, you could always just return it…later…” She trails off, realizing that everyone’s suddenly gone deadly silent. She looks up, and starts as she comes face to face with the store manager, who is frozen in place, his mouth half-open as he stares at them with wide eyes. Behind her, Skylor is highly aware of six ninja going similarly still, all utterly quiet.

“You,” the manager finally squeaks out. “You are’t supposed to — you can’t be in here, not again—”

“On second thought, let’s get a blender next week,” Cole says, quickly.

“Yeah, I can live without smoothies a little longer,” Jay agrees, rapidly paling.

Skylor’s at a loss. “What’s going—”

Before she can finish that sentence, Kai and Nya both have hands on her arm and pull, hauling her along as they break into a dead sprint for the exit.

“Explain later!” Kai yelps, dodging employees as the manager shakes his fist at them, his yelling following them through the doors.

“I filed six restraining orders! Six!” he shrieks as they slip out. “Do you know how long that took?! Two of them don’t even exist in the legal system!”

Skylor doesn’t miss the incredibly unsubtle fist bump Lloyd and Zane share, nor the near-tears sigh of despair from Cole.

She really, really doesn’t want to know.

***********************

Except that maybe she does, so there’s nothing stopping her from asking as they walk home, having bought smoothies from the corner store instead (that they are not banned from, which Skylor is starting to think might be miraculous).

“I don’t know why I’m surprised at this point, but how did you get banned this time?” she asks them, after a particularly long sip of smoothie. “Did you demolish half the store there, too?”

The ninja are silent for a moment, all refusing to meet her eyes. Then—

“It was Jay’s fault,” Cole declares.

Jay whirls on him, his expression wounded. “I trusted you,” he whines. “And you — you bed bath and betrayed me.”

“Because you bed bath and blew up the bedding aisle!”

“It was the kitchen electrics aisle, give me some credit.”

“Oh, because that’s so much better.”

“It is, do you know how hard I’d have to be trying to blow up the bedding aisle? It’s all weighted blankets and like, silk and stuff, no conduction at all—”

Skylor returns to her previous stance on not wanting to know, sips her smoothie in silence as they break into loud arguing in the middle of the street, and hopes once again that no one’s getting any pictures of this.

5. Jamanakai Village Candy Shop

Friday’s her busy day, so Skylor’s spared any chaos other than a jammed mixing machine for the day. It doesn’t come to a head until Saturday, when she cautiously accepts the ninjas' invitation to scout out potential terrorist activity in Jamanakai.

The terrorists turn out to be punk kids who got a little too obsessed with the idea of the Golden Master, which is an unfortunate choice of role model for them, when they have to face up to the ninja. Zane just looks mildly annoyed though, and Lloyd stares into the sun for a full minute before rolling his eyes, so the kids make it out alive.

“We weren’t going to kill them, geez,” Jay says. “Maybe just…lecture them, a bit.”

“Oh yeah, lecture them,” Kai scowls, cracking his knuckles. “The Golden Master, are they kidding?”

“To be fair, they don’t have the same experiences we do,” Cole points out, but he doesn’t look too opposed to the knuckle-cracking, either.

“No harm was done,” Zane says, a bit wearily. “We should simply let it go."

“I dunno, I say we should’ve hung them from a roof for a bit,” Lloyd says, evenly.

The other ninja all cringe in unison, except for Nya, who smothers a coughing sort of laugh. Skylor stares at them, bewildered. “Why would you hang them from a roof?”

“Not sure,” Lloyd says, his lips twitching. “Probably because crime doesn’t pay, muchacho, or something like that—”

“Alright, alright, we get it,” Kai says hastily, clapping a hand over Lloyd’s mouth.

“The guys would know,” Nya smirks, ignoring the looks of utter betrayal she’s getting. “That’s what they did to Lloyd, wasn’t it?”

“Nya, why,” Jay moans into his hands.

“You — hung Lloyd from a roof?” Skylor repeats, thrown for a loop. “Why on earth would you do that? What if he like, fell and died?”

“He was fine,” Cole assures her, hastily.

Lloyd is quick to protest, glaring at them. “No I wasn’t, it was literally scarring! Look, I got this scar from scraping my arm when I fell — oh, wait, oops, that one’s from the Never Realm, it’s this one here.” Lloyd winces as he finishes, suddenly looking contrite as he shoots Zane an apologetic look. “The Never Realm one was from Boreal though, don’t worry.”

Zane looks down, his face shadowed. “It was still my—”

“Nuh-uh,” Jay cuts over him, wagging his finger. “Remember the rule?”

Zane hesitates, looking as if he’d very much like to remember no such thing, but he finally slumps, relenting. “Scars dealt to each other while under the influence of malicious possession by person and/or ancient malevolent artifacts do not count, regardless of extenuating circumstances or deep inner psychological issues that may be brought to light during said influence,” he quotes dully, on a defeated sort of sigh.

Skylor doesn’t know whether to be impressed at that, or depressed that it needed existence in the first place.

“Exactly,” Jay nods. “Which means that any scars from you, Zane, or Lloyd — oh, and Kai, I guess — and Cole, technically, with the Hypnobrai that one time— wow, that’s, hm, that’s a lot of us.”

“If you count the dark matter, we’ve all been possessed,” Zane says, drily.

“Not me!” Kai says, mock-cheerfully.

Jay shakes his head. “Nobody got scars while we were on dark matter! I checked.”

“Why are you saying it like we were on drugs or something?”

“Speak for yourself,” Lloyd scowls. “I’ve still got that stupid ankle one.” He glares at the offending ankle, as if it’s personally disappointed him.

“That was the Overlord, not us,” Nya reminds him. “And uh, your dad, technically.”

Lloyd’s scowl just deepens, his eyebrows tilting downwards hotly. “If I had a dollar for every scar that’s from my dad…”

“I hear you,” Skylor sighs. “Dad scars are the worst. They really know where to hit.”

“Right? It’s always personal with them,” Lloyd shakes his head. “Dads are the worst.”

A beat passes before they both realize the others have fallen quiet. Her and Lloyd blink, and Skylor fights back the urge to cringe at the looks they’re now receiving.

“Well,” Jay says, bleakly. “This is a, um, miserable turn.”

“Hey, hey, no sad faces,” Lloyd scolds, reaching for Kai’s face, which is indeed sporting a pathetically teary-eyed kind of look. “Get that look off your face, off, off—”

“I’m not — stoppit — I’m just— hey, stop it— that’s my face, you brat—”

“Guys, c’mon, cut it out, you’re making a scene,” Cole scolds, pulling them both apart. “How about we stop and get ice cream before we go, okay? To like, cheer us up. Because that was completely depressing, no offense, guys.”

“None taken,” Skylor says, as Lloyd nods in agreement. Cole looks relieved, even if Kai’s still looking a little weepy, and he directs them down another street, heading toward a brightly labeled ice cream shop. Skylor can see tiny rows of candy inside, and there are a bunch of kids gathered around the little stand the owner’s set up at the door. It’s a cute place, all in all — the candy looks good, and it seems pretty cheap.

So it makes zero sense that Lloyd, of all people, would suddenly go painfully tense in the middle of the street, and refuse to take another step forward.

“I can’t go in there,” he whispers.

Skylor’s having that sense of déjà vu again. The rest of the ninja trade confused glances.

“Uh, Lloyd?” Kai says, hesitantly. “They sell candy in there, you know.”

“I know,” Lloyd grinds out, his teeth clenched painfully together. “I’ve been in there before.”

“You have?” Cole frowns. “You — oh.” Realization dawns in his eyes, and he’s suddenly biting his lip, holding back laughter. “Oh, I forgot.”

“Forgot wha—” Jay looks between the two of them, then back at the shop, before something sparks in his eyes as well, and he doubles over in laughter.

“Shut up,” Lloyd hisses.

“Why are we laughing at Lloyd,” Skylor finally sighs, as Kai and Zane break into barely-stifled giggles as well, and Nya rolls her eyes.

“So, um,” Lloyd swallows, shifting anxiously from side to side. “You know how I said they hung me from a roof? There might’ve, uh, been a reason for that.”

“Of course there was,” Skylor says.

“I kind of threatened them, a little bit, and uh, tried to steal half their shop, one time.”

“Of course you did.”

“Lloyd,” Nya sighs. “That was forever ago.”

“I stole from them,” Lloyd bites out. “If I show my face in there again, they’ll kill me."

“I highly doubt they will resort to murder, Lloyd,” Zane says, flatly. “Besides, you did not actually succeed in stealing anything, because we caught you and hung you from a roof. Remember?”

“Yeah, and then I came back with the Serpentine, and made it worse!” Lloyd exclaims. “Just go in without me, I’ll sit out here and cry.”

“We’re not just gonna leave you outside,” Kai rolls his eyes. “C’mon, let’s mend some old wounds. Just go inside and apologize.”

“I would literally rather die.”

“Lloyd, seriously.”

“I’ve done it before, don’t test me.”

“Lloyd.”

“You can’t make me, I’ll fight you—”

“Alright, alright, we’ll find a different shop!”

***********************

“Okay, I have to know,” Skylor finally asks, as they pass the outskirts of the village, heading back to the Bounty. “How many places are you all banned from, in total? Because this is ridiculous. I can’t take you anywhere.”

“I mean, you can’t take us anywhere even without the bans, anyways,” Cole says wearily. “To be fair.”

“We’re not that bad,” Lloyd protests, only to wilt immediately under Skylor’s stare. “There are just…a few places…”

“Zane, how many is it now,” Nya asks, rubbing her temples.

Zane is quiet for a moment, slowly ticking off his fingers as he stares upwards. “Did we ever decide if that one museum counted?”

“The vote was yes,” Jay mutters.

“And the Explorer’s Club, did we decide that one?”

“I’d say that’s a pretty hard ban,” Lloyd winces.

Nya huffs, crossing her arms. “I still say it doesn’t count, because like, everyone’s banned from there, with their stupid stuck-up membership requirements.”

Zane takes this into account, his eyebrows furrowing. “That leaves us with…seventeen places we cannot return to, I believe? Unless I missed one.”

Skylor’s left wordless, gaping at them. She knew there was a lot, but seventeen—?!

“I’m almost a hundred percent sure we’re also banned from the Never Realm,” Kai points out. Zane gives him the iciest look Skylor’s ever seen. Kai simply shrugs. “What? Just stating the facts.”

Lloyd frowns. “I don’t think we are? I mean, Akita wouldn’t—”

“Oh, Akita wouldn’t,” Jay cuts over him, a gleam in his eyes. “Would she, casanova?”

Lloyd goes scarlet, sputtering. “I told you, she kissed me! On the cheek! I just stood there, you can’t—” He buries his face in his hands, and despite her amusement (and rampant curiosity, because this is Lloyd and kissing), Skylor feels bad for him. “I can’t believe I ever told any of you about that,” he whines, sounding tragically upset with himself.

“You were the one having a mental breakdown over it,” Nya reminds him, almost gently. “You need to work on setting boundaries, bud.”

“It’s not like I didn’t tell her I had horrible issues with romance!” Lloyd throws his hands up, frustrated. “Because I did, in painfully honest detail—”

“And yet you refuse to open up to me about it,” Kai says plaintively.

“Turn into a dog for a bit, you might get lucky,” Lloyd grumbles.

Skylor doesn’t want to know. She really, really doesn’t want to know. “Well,” she finally says. “I do know one place you aren’t banned from.”

They all look up at her, and Skylor shakes her head. “You fly me back to the shop in time for dinner, and noodles are on the house tonight.”

Six faces brighten considerably. “Seriously?” Cole says. “Skylor, you’re an angel.”

“Seriously, the best person ever—”

“Our favorite cryptid orange ninja there ever was—”

“Yeah, yeah, keep flattering me,” Skylor sighs, trying not to smile, and failing woefully.

She doesn’t know why she still hangs out with these people, getting banned from everywhere in the city. What a bunch of nerds.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #kai smith #nya smith #jay walker #cole brookstone #zane julien #skylor chen #i really have no explanation for this at all #except that i wanted to give skylor more love than i've given her #my fic

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cynicalrecoverysociety · 3 years ago

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I'm not sure if this is a journal post or what but all I know is that writing down my plans makes them feel more concrete and less anxious and that's what I'm going to do.

Switch internet providers. When: tomorrow, after shopping. Just going to nail down the install appointment and argue with Mediacom. Need to get this over with before December just in case I have a secret contract I don't remember signing.

Car shopping. When: Officially putting this off until next week. It's just not that urgent and there is no reason to run myself into the ground because of deadlines I made up or ones my SO vaguely thinks are true or even worse deadlines I think he thinks exist but he doesn't. Yeah. Anyway I'm just gonna go car shopping next week, NBD.

Doctors appointment. When: two weeks from now. I have this one all prepared and everything I just have to go. I'm just anxious about it. I don't hate doctors really but I do hate insurance and also anything that isn't just laying on the couch doing fuck all. And I hate I have to go in twice because they need labs. And I'm always anxious I'm going to fail even though I never have and I'm healthier ever year but w/e. I always have a speech prepared about my weight even though no one has ever said anything to me about it except like. Eat veggies and get moderate exercise 3x a week for heart health.

Grocery shopping. When: tomorrow. I'm going alone and I have to return the cat food which makes me anxious but like. I can handle that. This isn't a huge one for me just one of those things that feels like a lot when you feel like a lot.

Writing. When: today, tomorrow and Tuesday if I don't win by Monday. I'm so close. I can taste it. I'm going to win NaNoWriMo again this year.

As an aside, I've been really hyping myself up about my novels lately. Confidence feels like arrogance when you are not used to it and that's 100% where I am. I feel like really pretentious if I ever bring up I'm a writer even though I consider it a really important part of who I am. I have no desire to publish or even edit but I like to write novels and screenplays. I'm still not to a place where I feel comfortable bringing it up to people in general but in my own head I'm really hyping up my writing. I have written at least 7 novels and 2 or 3 screen plays. And tons of short stories and poems. That's pretty cool! That's a cool thing I did! I wrote well over 500,000 words in the last 10 years! Wow go me that's objectively very cool and impressive! I wish I could tell anyone about it without feeling like the most pretentious asshole in the entire world but at least I'm owning it in my mind. I'm an author! Not a good one, but at least I've done it! I write a novel in a month every year and it's a cool thing I do! Tbh this self love is so new I cry pretty much every time I tell myself that it's cool that I write novels. I AM AN AUTHOR. IT'S COOL. I'm literally bawling right now. It's so weird I think this might be one of the first parts of myself that I love and I'm proud of unconditionally. I write books and there is nothing anyone in the whole world can say or do that makes me any less proud of myself.

Well this turned full journal post at the end. But I feel a lot better so that's good.

Btw I'm a novelist. How cool is that? I've written so many books I can't name them without a reference sheet because I'm bound to forget at least one. I just . . . I think it's really cool guys.

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vonnyphant · 4 years ago

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Dealing with Health Insurance; a comedy in ? acts

Me, mid 2020 : hi I would like to schedule a cancer prevention check-up. I think my last one was in December 2019. Gyn: Actually it was January 2020, so your first available slot is January 2021. Me: Ok, I’ll take it. The extended version please, as there is cancer in my family. HI: BTW we decided to change our coverage and will now only pay for extended check-ups every 3 years. You should still go every year, but you have to pay for it yourself. Me: ...ok...I’ll still go. I mean, it’s my health, right? **

Me, dec 2020: *has breast cancer* HI: So...idk...did you ever even go to check-ups? I mean js, how did this happen? :-/

Me: I have gone to annual check-ups since I was 18. My last one was 11 months ago. I had already scheduled the next one. This tumor grew rapidly in the months between.

HI: ok :-/ So... why chemo, though? Can’t they just cut the thing out? Me: Um, fuck do I know? This is the treatment the hospital’s Oncologist Panel advised and seeing as I am not a medical professional, I am just going to do what they say?

Hospital (Monday afternoon): We need a negative covid-19 test before we set the port, but we have no capacity to test you. Figure it out before Thursday.

Me: ...the fuck? Hey, HI, can you help me out?

HI: Feel free to get tested at your GP or local testing facility. Me: The GP says I need a written statement from the hospital or else I need to pay for it myself? I don’t have one, they literally told me to figure it out.

HI: Well if you go to the GP, tests are elective. That’s why we don’t cover it. :-)

Me: why do I even pay you guys every month?* I need this test to get surgery. I have been social distancing for months. I wore FFP2 masks. It’s not like I need it because I went skiing! HI: Still counts as elective :’)

(spoiler: after a lively discussion at the GP and me pulling the C-card and telling them I only found out about my cancer 4 days ago and really couldn’t be bothered to discuss payment with them, I did not have to pay in cash. I don’t think I’ll be getting a bill - not sure yet. Could be that they filed it as if the hospital gave me a write-up, in which case: suck it, HI).

tbc?

*not an actual thing I said on the phone. Heavily implied though.

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bloodanddiscoballs · 3 years ago

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something else to add to the list of shit! my dog is 16 and she was doin great until we moved her here to Texas and now we're debating when to put her down. I am so fuckin overwhelmed right now idk what to do. I'm praying that the new pain management doc I see today is merciful to me and fills me on Monday otherwise my mom has to fly back to California to get my prescription filled there and we straight up do not have the money to do that. we're already having to pay out of pocket for this visit today (in 40mins btw) cause I don't have Texas insurance. we can't find a new temporary place to stay even tho this place has mold and the bathroom is at risk of collapsing any second. we can't seem to find an actual home to be in either and my surgery got denied so now my doc has to do a peer to peer all the while I'm literally thiiiis close to goin to the hospital for my pain.

all of us are at our limit. I need this win today. if you could send good vibes/prayers I would GREATLY appreciate it

#im so done

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iggysmice · 5 years ago

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a cautionary tale on making sure you stay sort of clean even when super depressed

tl;dr i got a medical problem that could’ve been avoided if i had managed to like, stay even sort of clean.

this is a readmore block because ~fuck~ mobile amirite bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

so i’ve been off my meds for a couple months now because i lost the bottle and insurance wouldn’t cover a new one for a while because that’s how insurance is and i don’t just have $50 to go buy medicine that i lost like a dumbass ok

so i’ve been very off-kilter and crabby and generally not wanting to do anything but sleep and listen to control by halsey on loop

so like, three-ish weeks ago i noticed a painful swollen area under my right arm, and im like “well we here at iggy’s body, home of Adult Acne and Questionable Hygeine get skin eruptions all the time it’ll go away in a few days but Ow for now i guess”

It got more painful so i go to aly (bless her) and go “hey look at my arm” and she goes “wow that’s a lotta skin eruption” and im like “yeah it hurts like a bitch please help” so we get dr aly in the 24 hour uninsulated bedroom to heat sterilize a needle with a bic and poke at the eruptions a little to see what we could do. (btw if any kids are reading this don’t do that we’re stupid tell your parents and go see a doctor)

in the end we decide to leave it alone and wrap it with a wad of toilet paper and an ace bandage to try and minimize the pain while it works itself out. i lived. with this thing. for two weeks. it just got steadily more painful. sometimes it would leak gross bloody stuff onto the toilet paper. once we got a really gross solid lump out of there. aly almost threw up. just touching the area near it sent me into Convulsions of pain. ibuprofen kind of dulled it for a while but that shit causes stomach damage so i didn’t wanna take too much of it.

so i called my grandma like “hey i need a ride to urgent care i can take the bus but i’m in a lot of pain and would rather not” and then dozed for another few hours. cut to me resisting the urge to write “ARM HURTY” in big letters on my paperwork at the urgent care clinic and hoping i can at least get some pain medicine so i can go home and go to sleep for a while. i stare into space and my brain is just “BAD LIP READING- Seagulls! (STOP IT, NOW) 10 hour remix”

they keep checking my blood pressure and i’m internally like “why is my blood so important my Arm is the Hurt Part” and then the doctor finally comes back and asks me if i drove there myself.

“i don’t drive, my grandma took me she’s waiting outside.” i responded in my usual manner of giving way too much information when one phrase will do.

“right well that looks pretty nasty and we can’t find your blood pressure so i’m gonna transfer you to the providence er because you should be there if it’s a systemic infection.”

i text my grandma and assure her i can get myself there if this is not the kind of commitment she wants to make at noon on a monday but she’s fine with driving me. i ask if we can stop at my house first so i can get my phone charger because er waits are long and my phone is almost dead. i’m already thinking how i won’t bother my parents with this because they’re both at work and im getting proper medical attention.

i get out to my grandma’s big ass old lincoln towncar and she’s just,, loudly into her phone “HEY YEAH HELLO KEN ITS YOUR MOM IM TAKING IGGY TO THE ER SOMETHUNG ABOUT BLOOD PRESSURE” and im like great this is What I Didn’t Want which is absolutely on brand for my grandma she doesn’t like. think.

we pick up aly and my phone charger and we go up to the other end of the city at now about 12:30 and i Really just want a nap and am considering bailing on the ER because i hate the ER and am tired.

Aly had to check in her pocketknife at the security counter because she forgot she had it in her purse so i was unsupervised again. the wall behind the reception desk wobbled a bit as i stared and waited for a receptionist to come. i kept glancing back at aly to assure myself that she was ok and there. the receptionist looked mildly concerned when i randomly brought up that the hospital would be a terrible place to be in a zombie outbreak. she then agreed with me. i considered this a victory for some reason.

a nurse looked my wound over and i went “yeah i haven’t slept in a while please help. also don’t touch it”

she left the room and i told aly that they’d probably use lidocaine or something if they had to manipulate it too much so i wasn’t that worried.

the doctor came in and told me she was going to firmly feel it and try to get a swab of the gunk inside to make sure i don’t have MRSA and im like “ok just be Careful please” and she just GRABS it and im like “HEY WOW OUCH WHY” and she swabs it and leaves and i just look at aly like “...fuck lidocaine i guess”

I end up with antibiotics, some wound dressing supplies and a painkiller that is like advil but not as damaging to my organs because they think that a zit or cluster of them got out of control and i had a multi-headed pocket of staph in my armpit now.

when i got home i looked at my paperwork and discovered that this entire time i’d been running a fever of about 100F and nobody had thought to mention that i had a fever or seemed like i did. the dressings were gross and full of bloody pus for a few days, the medicine made me throw up one morning and now i have a cold because of how much the antibiotics tanked my immune system around my parents and aly who all work with the public.

in conclusion wash your sweaty bits even if you’re depressed.

hey if you were rapidfire scrolling past this this is the end fuck mobile

#iggy rambles nonsense #tmi #wound cw #i guess idk its in writing so its not so bad

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kpsoa97xs-blog · 5 years ago

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Tip cheap car insurance 1st time drivers

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hellyeahtrickster · 6 years ago

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So the ambulatory center JUST called today to say how much I'll owe BEFORE the surgery -- $1743 to them, and $500 to anesthesiology. And it's like, the appt has been on the books for TWO WEEKS, and the surgery is MONDAY -- they couldn't let me know this sooner?? It's a damn good thing my folks have enough to cover it (and what the internet tells me is the average cost, but I hate that I have to ask so much of them). Killer thing is, the doctor's office was all, "Oh, I see you don't have insurance -- well, I'm sure they'll work something out with you." Not that I need them to, thank the gods, but if I did, nope. No warning, no offer of a payment plan, just, Oh, hey, BTW, make sure you can pay this when you come in in a few days! And I wonder how much I'll have to pay AFTER - will it be significantly more than "average" price online? ($5000 for vitrectomy, and an extra $2000 if he has to do laser surgery). :/ The medical field is the only one I can think of where they won't even really give you an ESTIMATE / price list before scheduling surgery, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it -- you can't shop around, really, because no one will tell you prices. It's "Do the thing and pay whatever we tell you to, or stay sick / injured, LOL!"

#personal #surgery #medical

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the-anticlimax-that-is-life · 6 years ago

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The story of how I got disabled.

For those that don’t know me that well.. (Or maybe just for myself, to keep my story clear.. or to overshare.. or to break the silence..)

I am currently 24 and have graduated from university about half a year ago; chemistry mayor. (Oh, and I am actually Dutch.. So I may mess up my sentences every now and then..)

I have done my master’s degree at another university than where I started off during my bachelor’s, because of reasons that will soon become clear.

Even though I have successfully obtained my master’s degree in chemistry with special notes to my practical skills, I still am having quite serious issues over what I am about to tell you.

I am visually impaired, probably roughly on the edge of legal blindness, but since we don’t use the same notations in my country as basically anywhere else, I have no way of knowing if that assumption is correct. (But if the system works as I have ‘interpreted’ in, my vision is below 20:200..)

Also, I have always been sort of against calling myself ‘disabled’-> I am perfectly able of basically anything a ‘normal’ or ‘average’ person is capable of.

(Well, sure there are some exceptions, like, I would not be able to drive a car.. But cars are overrated anyway so 😊)

I can hear you asking: ‘why is this even relevant? You seem to be doing perfectly fine, having your master’s degree and all?’ – Indeed, why would it be?

—————————

So here comes a recap of the first of two Facebook posts that have become even more relevant as time passes me by..(Okay, actually it has become more of a rough translation, because I don’t like leaving stuff out..):

‘From ten to zero’ (Posted on November 10th, 2015)

The post started with a general apology for all the drama that was about to unfold, sort of admitting that I just needed to share what had been going on, for I couldn’t deal with it on my own.

Before I proceed with this recap, I want to add that during this period in my life, I have had a lot of support from friends, family and more; I don’t think I have ever felt as much love and care as I have during this period – Dear everyone, I probably wouldn’t still be here without you. (Yeah, I may have stated stuff like that before, but I can assure you that it’s heartfelt.. And I am not ashamed to admit that.)

When I wrote the post, I was in my third year of the bachelor’s. I was participating in a special minor from biopharmaceutical sciences, that was mainly focused on medical chemistry. I had chosen this minor because it included a course called ‘bio-organic synthesis’-> my life’s passion.

Before I even know about organic chemistry, stuff like that had always interested me very much and I wanted to ‘become a researcher.’ During my bacherlor’s, I found out about organic chemistry and the possibility of doing a PhD -> quite the motivator! (No, but really.. I actually put a lot of work in more courses, especially the ones I was interested n.)

Even though I have never been a ‘straight-A student,’ I definitely had potential to do a PhD. (But more about that later.. Because holy shit, let’s not derail the story into a wibbly wobbly timey wimey chaotic mess just yet.)

Okay, so back to this minor, or perhaps first some more background..

Even though I don’t like to focus on my disability, it has probably sort of always played an undeniable role in my life. Growing up ‘different’ is though. It always is. Especially when people can see something is wrong with you, even though you don’t see that yourself. (Hah! - Wait, was that the first pun? We’re what, roughly 600 words in the story? Damn, I must be really off today..)

Anyway, for all my life, I have been pushing myself to do everything as normal as possible. Normal primary school, normal secondary school, normal high-school. Sure, I walked up to the blackboard as a kid, and had special binoculars to read the board in high-school.. But that’s just the way things were – no harm in that, right? (I mean, I am not even sure who I am trying to convince here.. Is it you.. or me?)

There are a few reasons as to why I have always pursuit a ‘normal’ life.

First of all, I hate being labelled or stigmatized. My disability may make me do some things a little differently; but it does not make less (capable) than anyone else.

Secondly, which is actually linked to what I stated above; fuck stigmatization, Really, fuck that shit. I guess I have just always felt moved by the way the world works and the way society has its ways of putting down those that are different in any way. – Yes, this goes much further than just my stupid eye disability..

As a kid I wanted to become a super-hero.

During my teens, I guess, I figured that that actually was possible in a way.

By just ‘making it’- I thought - I could set an example to others; don’t let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do or who you can or cannot be, because you can do or become anything or anyone you set your mind to.

And I was well on my way of doing so. – Oh, did I shine brightly as I aced my synthetic organic chemistry final.. My one and only 10/10, all perfect score.. on university level.

This theoretical synthetic organic chemistry course was one of the two main reasons I had chosen to do this minor.

The other one, perhaps needless to say, was a practical bio-organic chemistry course given by a man called R.. During my first year at uni, we had had an argument and I felt like he sort of hated my guts.. So, I wasn’t too happy to see he would give the course. But at the same time, he didn’t seem that bad at the time I was applying for the minor. He had seen the way I worked hard for my organic chemistry courses (he assisted in the previous organic chemistry course, on which I scored 9/10..)

Before even applying to the minor, (say it was in June..) I had also spoken to him about the fact I wanted to do the course, especially because I also wanted to do my bachelor thesis in organic chemistry, (then my master.. etc..)

The only reason I sort of ‘asked for permission’ is because I have always done so. I have always been open about the fact I am visually impaired, just to make sure people know in advance. – I mean, maybe if things are out in the open, people won’t feel the need to stigmatize me so much?

R. had seen me do practical work in the first year, and he didn’t see any reason of why I couldn’t join the course. However, he did advise me to also do a computational course (rather than another practical one), just to let me try that as well.

As a bit of yet another extra layer of background, before I even joined the study itself, I have spoken with several people about all of this -> my disability and the possibilities. One conversation I can remember was with a woman called A. (some sort of study advisor.) She was very, very positive and told me she was fully confident I would do great. But, if there would be any trouble, I just have to tell her, and she would help me find a way to work around it. – I never felt the need to. You see, I have done several practical courses, all of which I passed. Sometimes barely, but that had more to do with my writing skills.. (Really, my outstanding practical skills have actually saved my grades, more than once.)

So, back to the story..

Somewhere around the end of September, I went to speak to R.. In our conversation a few months earlier (the one where I sort of asked him permission to join ‘his’ course in December) he had also said he thought it would be best if I worked together with someone during the practical course. Because I was determined to pursue a carrier in organic synthesis, I wanted to tell him that I’d rather do the course alone – to truly test my own capability. (I was pretty sure I could pull it off, otherwise I would of course not have asked, but say, as a final confirmation.)

It didn’t come to that. He started the conversation with saying ‘that there had been a problem…’ He told me that there was a chance I was no longer allowed to work on the ab, because of ‘insurance reasons’ – if I were to cause an accident, the insurance wouldn’t pay because of my disability. (The fact my disability makes me extra aware of safety and work extra securely wasn’t even considered..)

After our conversation, R. told me he was going to figure out the depths of it. He told me he was going to discuss this with all people involved, because everyone knew me as a motivated and capable student.

I thanked him nevertheless, not wanting to ‘shoot the messenger’..

Roughly a month passed, a month of silence. I could feel myself slipping down again.. Yet, I was able to hold on the hope that this had all be some sort of misunderstanding. (Also, just a month before this, I had gotten my first tattoo, which made me feel pretty powerful. Oh, silly me.. I still sometimes feel like I have jinxed it all by raising my chin like that.. >.> - Ah well, let’s no go there again, for once, let’s just not.. </3)

Fun fact, the synthetic organic chemistry course was also in this month. I t was a rough month, but I fucking aced it. And that was what I needed; extra proof of my determination. So I e-mailed R., who told me to talk to the SOC professor (the dean of the research group at which the practical course was going to be held – nice guy btw; he was still on my side and may even have remained on my side till the end..)

After being sent back and forth in e-mails between R. and that professor a few times, I talked a bit in real life with the SOC professor and he told me that it would be best if I went to see R. next Monday.

On November 9, 2015 (which was my 21th birthday) I went to have a nice and cozy talk with my bestest friend R.. (He truly is the most tactful and sympathetic man on this planet! God, I love him like I would love having my nails ripped off, well, actually I would have preferred that over this bullshit..)

He started off with saying he didn’t really have time, so he’d keep it short.

With a grin, he told me that: ‘He actually isn’t supposed to tell me what he would be so glad to tell me..’ (because he had yet to discuss it with P., the dean of the study.) I can’t remember what I asked in that brief moment of hope..

‘But it’s not looking good for you!’ – Without any space for me to think or truly speak, the conversation shifted towards the fact that I had to go and talk to A. (the study adviser) and P. (the study dean) to see what my options were to even finish my bachelor’s.. Because sure as hell was I never going to be able to do my bachelor’s thesis at ‘his’ group, not even to speak of my master’s..

The whole ordeal didn’t take much more than 5 minutes. I remember running off to the restroom as fast as I could. Never before had my make-up been smudged all the way down to my chin. (If that doesn’t paint a clear picture, I don’t know what will.)

I was really fucking heartbroken. All I had worked for got crushed like it was nothing. Did it all mean so little?

I remember being really confused a well. How did this happen? And why did this happen now? Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before?

And most importantly.. Who caused this?

‘I tried so hard and got so far.. Just to be shoved away again.

I know I have to move on, to take a different direction perhaps. To figure out a way to finish my studies nevertheless – when one door closes..

Sigh, I know I shouldn’t let this get in my way.. but right now, I just can’t..

How is one supposed to act once one’s dream gets shattered?’

—————————

Next will be the ‘recap’ of the second post, almost a year after the first. I regret not writing more in between these two posts.. But that was just because all my efforts were wasted. Just believe me when I say that I have talked with a lot of people and done basically anything in my power to figure out how things got to be the way they were. During the time in between these two posts I managed to finish my bachelor’s degree at ‘another’ university. (My luck, the educational track was shared by two universities, so I ‘simply’ hopped to the other university.. Which actually wasn’t simple, but that story is not relevant at this point.)

‘Never cross the heart’ (Posted somewhere in October 2016)

The truth; prepare for drama.

The Thursday before I wrote this post, I had been to my bachelor’s graduation ceremony. I didn’t want to go there at all, but since it was not just my ceremony but also that of my husband, we decided to go after all. (We had been asked to hand in a personal PowerPoint slide and actually decided to hand in one together, since we had gotten married that year – they didn’t bother to even mention it..)

Anyway, during that time, I had started my master’s degree at a university in Amsterdam (2-hour travel from my home..) and felt really depressed. Getting out of bed felt like a life sentence – and that was just the start of the day. Everything felt pretty fucking pointless, I mean, why even try? The whole situation at my old uni was troubling me a lot. It didn’t matter that I had provided myself with a new start; I was broken, so fucking broken. What’s the point of trying to fight a system build on ignorance and stigmatization? – I felt like I could trust no one, that even though I was given a fair chance, it would probably be taken from me again.

Even though I knew deep down that the system was just fucked, I was filled with self-loathing. ‘I mean, they were right, right? I am legally blind, who am I fooling? I shouldn’t be trying stuff like this, I am never going to be good enough. What if they were actually just trying to protect me?’ – The lies we tell ourselves..

Anyway, back to the ceremony..

We had intended to go there and just fake through it all. Just shine on and make them regret sending me away. However, hehe, I am not a fake. (Oh and trust me, I tried. I even decided not to wear my necklace, just as a way of accepting the fake fuck I planned to be.. – Oh sweet irony.)

All the stuff that had been building up in the past year.. All these unanswered questions, all the powerlessness..

The exact moment when I had to collect my degree and smile for my dad to take a picture, I couldn’t hold my tears no more..

Not wanting to make a scene, I hid my face and just sat down in order to let the further ceremony proceed as planned.

At this point, I think it’s time for some more background. During this past year, I had spoken to a lot of different people about the whole situation. I even went as far as going the university’s ombudsman.. ..who was going to help me.. ..empty words.. (I don’t think the story is relevant at this point; let’s just say he probably didn’t want this all to get out in the open because that would make a bad name for the university.. Or at least, that’s the impression I got from the way he acted,, It’s much more complicated. Ugh..)

I also went to see P., the dean of the bachelor’s study a few times. He did ‘help me’ with arranging things to get to finish my bachelor’s at the other university, but that was all he did – and probably just because I was actually a good student so me graduating without a delay would be good for his statistics. – More about him later.

I had also spoken to A. a lot about this whole ordeal. I actually trusted her, so I had also talked to her about some personal issues that had also been going on around that time. She seemed to really want to help me, yet she couldn’t help me figure out who had caused all this or the reason why.. I remember asking her if it would be possible for R. (from before) to have anything to do with this, for he was the one that told me there was ‘a problem’ in the first place.. But she almost violently denied that. She was absolutely sure, because, she told me, R. is usually the one to help students who are struggling to pass classes or get stuff arranged. – I believed her, sort of feeling guilty to let my own prejudice, my personal issues towards the man lead me to such foundationless conclusions.

I had also spoken to the dean of the master’s study, L. This is not really relevant to this story, but I do not want to leave it out because this specific conversation actually still haunts me to this day.

I went to see her to talk about the possibilities of doing my master’s at that university (the one I also did my bachelor’s.) L. knew me, she had actually given one of the courses I had taken (and passed nicely.)

In the conversation, she made up all sorts of comparisons as to why she would deny me from doing the master’s. Before all of this, I was the first visually impaired student they had ever seen at this study. But at this point, I suddenly wasn’t. For example, she had had another visually impaired student that had to stick her head in the fume hood to measure things. (I am still not sure this is even true, because someone with that little common sense would probably not even able to finish high-school..) Either way, the way she told me this was more as an attack than just information. She also told me that there was another student in her masters, and all her experiments failed. (Assuming it was due to her disability.. Experiments sometimes just fail, you know?)

To finish off what was left of my self-esteem, one of the last things she said to me was: ‘You are just trying to deny you are disabled.’ – I can’t even.

I think this is one of the most hurtful things someone has ever said to me. Especially during a period in my life where I was finally sort of accepting who I was and be open about everything..

..Enough about that.

To summarize it all, one thing became clear over time: nobody had my back. The general attitude towards me had shifted from ‘that one talented and motivated student’ to ‘the stupid disabled kid that is going to get us in trouble..’ Basically, all they were doing was trying to save themselves and each other. Again, I regret not have written down more about all the conversations I have had, because that would make this all more believable.

Because yes, I sometimes, most of the time, feel like a fraud. That is must be all in my head, that I must not be so negative, that not everyone is out to get me, etc.. – Yes, not everyone is out to get me, there are a lot of loving caring people out there, but not those pieces of shit that were involved in this. (There were some people at my old university that would probably have loved to help me.. But no-one likes to risk it all for just some student, and I can understand that..)

Anyway, back to the story..

After the ceremony, there were free drinks. (Ah, drinking! Another habit I had picked up that year..)

As we (my husband, parents and me) were standing there with our drinks, A. (the study adviser from before) walked up to me; ‘Ahhhhh, congratulations! How are youuuu? How is Ansterdaaaam?’ (I had specifically told her it was a secret that I was going to do my masters in Amsterdam, because I didn’t want anyone to ruin that for me.. But what to expect? Spineless cunt..)

With a clear face and calm tone, I told her that it was hard for me to focus on my studies, considering all the stuff that ha happened to me. She said something like: ‘Oh, that’s a shame.’ And walked off.

I felt pretty proud of myself for shaking her off like that, not making a scene, etc. I even remember ‘bragging’ about that to my husband and parents, and probably getting a ‘pad on the back’ for that. – and trust me, I felt it. I really did not want to make a scene. I truly wanted to leave it all behind me and move on..

Until M., (the new study’s dean who was completely oblivious to this whole situation..) walked u to me to have a little chat. This poor woman probably just wanted to meet me or do some chit-chat.. She got the full blow.

I told her all about what had happened the past year, how I felt depressed, and how just knew I needed to know the whole truth in order to move on with my life.. Obviously, P. (the other dean) noticed something was going on and joined the conversation. I could clearly notice I was not the only one no longer being able to control my emotions. P. got really irritated, telling me they had tried everything but couldn’t help me with unraveling the truth.

After some more of the ‘I need closure’- ‘We can’t give you these answers you are looking for’ drama, M. proposed to have a closer look at the whole situation. Based on something A. had told me before, she suggested to contact J. (some professor with a high function in the whole education thing, A. had suggested in the past that he may have had something to do with it..)

But since my part in this had started with the conversations with R., I proposed it would perhaps be best to ask him once more. Not to shoot the message, but just to start at the beginning of the source.

M. proposed to e-mail R. next week – I didn’t want to wait that long, so we decided to check if he was in the building and just meet face to face.

Long story short, he was in the building and we went to pay him a visit.

I told him about what had happened today, and how we basically wanted to ask him once more what he knew, since he was the one that told me there was a problem in the first place. I asked him if he had any who had started all of this.

With a straight face, he directly admitted that he was the one that had started this. His reason behind this was that he simply didn’t want to take responsibility for me during the bio-organic synthesis practical course or anything related to that, ‘because he wouldn’t be able to guarantee my safety.’ (He did get defensive though, stating J. was the one to eventually ‘seal the decision’ - which was of course completely irrelevant, like, anyone could ‘agree’ with any statement produced by someone with influence..)

Of course, I asked him why he had decided all of this at this point, and not before or during the time I was signing up for the course. He simply replied with: ‘I didn’t know your vision is only 0.15’ (actually, it’s even less but okay..) I replied with something like: ‘What does such a number even say? It might as well had been 0.25, 0.35 or 0.55..’ – He shut me off, stating my argument was going nowhere.

Then, I told him it simple didn’t make any sense. He had known (about) me since day one, and actually co-supervised one of my very first practical courses. He knew exactly how good or bad my vision was and what he could expect from me, working on the lab. (Really, nothing out of the ordinary there..)

Mockingly, and with a somewhat arrogant voice he said: ‘Oh, yes, I know you all too well.’ Then, he started stating some bullshit about how he had seen me work, and how my ways were just unacceptable for an organic chemist. (Like for example standing too close to a rotary evaporator.)

I told him that we are students for a reason, that we are there to learn. I was even able to come up with something that happened between us during that first practical course. How I made some (non-sight related) rooky mistake, and how he had told me that I had to do it differently – and so I did. (He didn’t actually tell me, he been growling at me since day one.. Not just at me btw..)

Again, he cut me off, stating that he could name a dozen things more, but to which he wouldn’t go into further argument over.

He also started another bullshit story about how I have always had been given a special treatment, such as working together with a partner.

I told him this wasn’t true, because everyone was teamed up with a partner during these first few practical courses. – He shut me off, stating ‘he knew for sure how HIS practical courses were.’

Eventually, my dad tried to intervene, to which R. got irritated, stating how he was through with being cussed at – he told us to leave. (Who exactly cussed at who?)

As we left the room, with a lot of irritation in my tone, I gave him the kind advice not to crush people’s dreams in less than 5 minutes (on their birthday) next time. And to maybe look after your students some more after dropping such bad news on them.

Obviously, this too got ignored. As well as all other signs of emotion, both verbally and non-verbally during all the conversations we had had.

A few moments later, as we walked down the hallway, I had a mental breakdown. I have said some things in front of my husband and parents I am not so proud of.. (I hate it when the people I care about see me in such a state..) Eventually, my vision went blurry (yeah, even blurrier than usual 😊) and I fell through my knees.

10 minutes or so passed, then guess what?

I can remember hearing me dad say: ‘oh, there he is..’

I can’t remember who spoke first, one of my parents or R. himself.

I remember his psychopathic emotionless voice say: ‘good evening’ – something snapped.

I remember screaming: ’My blood will be on your hands, motherfucker!’ – Words I am not proud of, but were, at that very moment, genuine and heartfelt.

He didn’t respond. Then, I added: ‘I hope someone will someday take from you what you have stolen from me!’ – words that are more than genuine and heartfelt even to this day.

He simply walked off – he didn’t even flinch.

Some more desperate cries I luckily can’t remember later, I remember grabbing some newspapers that were laying around and completely ripping them apart. (Honestly, I think the fact I was not alone at that moment have saved me a lot of nasty, nasty stuff..) – I am pretty fucking proud of how I handled that shit at that moment. Could have easily ripped either him or (more likely) myself to shreds.

To conclude:

I have had issues with this man from day one. But we are all only human, and I didn’t want to let my own experiences lead me astray. Deep down, I think I knew from the start that he was the cause of this all along. But it didn’t even make sense. Why would he do this?

Even to this day, it makes no sense. How can someone be that sick?

Later, I found out that R. had pulled similar (but slightly different) stuff to other people as well; probably just for the thrills. – This guy is a true psychopath.

—————————

*Sigh*

Now comes the hardest part.

Today is the Ides of March, 2019.

It’s 00:24 AM., and I just don’t know what to say.

I thought that by rewriting this, I could maybe come closer to understanding the actual damage this has done to me.

The problem is, it has been, what, 3 years? – So much has happened – it still makes no sense.

I guess all I can say is:

I am disabled.

I am disabled by means of not being able to do stuff other people are able to.

I am unable to accept myself the way I was born. (I didn’t ask for this body?)

I am unable to be myself and do things in my own way – I am in constant fear of being judged. Being rejected. Being send away. Again, and again, and again.

(Honestly. I can’t even pour some water into a beaker in front of people without freezing up..)

I have become the stigma and am unable to conquer that.

Who really is to blame, is it me or you?

The system perhaps?

Well guess what; we are all to blame.

I have let it happen. – And I will never be able forgive myself for that.

I had one fucking goal in life. – And ‘you’ took it from me.

But really, it wouldn’t be fair to blame you.

I was broken from the start, held together by stupid sharpie doodles and a little bit of ink..

This could be about so much more..

But let’s not go there. Not today.

You know what?

Fuck you. I’m done.

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