#btw do you like my run-on sentence caption.

[conjuringturns]

bonnie langford as rumpleteazer and femi taylor as tantomile on the opening night of the original london production of cats (x)

[just-some-random-blogger]

400 Flowers

Chris Evans x Actress!Reader Summary: How does it feel to lose to an Italian group of 20 year olds, Chris? Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: Måneskin because I wanted to add them, dont fight me on this i need a plot, crack fic, fluff, i still use y/n /:, google translated Italian for like one sentence, typos, jealousy, etc.

A/N: HEYA as I promised, I would make another addition to my actress!reader crack fics. because im tired grandpa. i hope yall enjoy this cos it's what ur gonna get 🤩

Also pardon my google translate Italian T_T

If you're new here, here are the said fics, which you dont have to read btw to understand this fic: Dude, She’s Just Not Into You | White Bread | The Other Guy

Here's another part cause yall wouldn't let me sleep 😴

I forgot who wanted to be tagged so im just tagging everyone from The other guy and the ones who asked to be @time-for-a-lullaby @christmaswonderworld @readsreblogsfics @marianastudiesart @r2gers @undergroundstyle @notbrooklynsblog @marc-rogers @lam0ureuxq @mickymouselol1 @kimmyevansblog @captainwans @lizamango @freyathehuntress @freshfreakoaftrash

Watch: Y/F/N Talks About Chris Evans and Måneskin While Answering Questions From The Internet

"Hello everyone," I start by smiling and waiving. I introduce myself and what I'm doing, "and today I will be attempting to answer all the questions you have for me, gathered from the internet."

There is a cut.

"Ah," I look up, "I would say my current obsession is this Italian group I encountered." I clarify, "well, I'm not really in the business of being obsessed anymore, I think," I sigh and shake my head, "not since my One Direction phase. But I do very much like this band.

"They're called Måneskin," I then break into a laugh, "and I had, like, a mental break down when I found out that they weren't in their 30's and were just in thier 20's," I sigh and throw my hands up, "I'm..." I give a confused look, "so old?"

There is a chorus of laughter from the staff behind the camera.

I shake my head again and sigh, "at least," I chuckle, "I will eternally younger than all of my male co-stars ever."

The chorus of laughs get louder.

Another cut.

I am now furrowing my brows over a photograph they were showing me. Said photograph is flashed on screen. It's a worms eye view of me up on stage, barely holding onto a plethora of flowers. It's a screenshot of a tweet that's captioned: where/when is this from and why are people talking about Chris Evans because of it.

"Ah," I nod, "that was taken," I puff out air from my cheeks, "I don't know when exactly, but it was during one of the nights in our two week run of Seasons In Osaka, which is a musical play I starred in.

"I can guess that this was most probably when Chris watched opening night, judging by how overwhelmed I am carrying that large bouquet I have in my arms."

Another cut.

I nod and raise a hand, "Chris Evans." I look away in thought, "I... he watched the show a total of four times," I break into laughter, "which was already excessive in and of itself, but every time he would watch, he'd bring me a bouquet of 100 roses and I would distribute it to everyone on set, the cast, the actors, the extras, the crew, the director, the musicians, the technicians, the producers. I actually did that with all my flowers, because without them I wouldn't have shone as brightly as everyone said I did, so," I shrug, "it was the least I could do.

The comment section of this video:

I'M FUCKING FERAL CHRIS EVANS BOUGHT HER 100 ROSES PER SHOW AND I TAKE SHIT FROM UGLY MEN WHAT THE FUCK [10k+ likes] >>>200 REPLIES<<< FOR REAL THO HE'S SET THE BAR SO HIGH [1.6k+ likes] REMEMBER IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD [5k+ likes] RIGHT. They are literally perfect for each other I'm sobbing. [905 likes]

Y/N having a mental breakdown over Måneskin issa mood [3.6k+ likes]

Everyone who thinks Y/L/N-Evans isn't a thing 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 [5k+ likes] >>>62 REPLIES<<< People who say they aren't together 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 [598 likes]

Chris Evans Settles Dating Rumors With Y/F/N Once And For All | CONAN on TBS

Conan leans in and sighs, "Chris, just give it to us straight."

Chris breaks into a laugh then falls into a poker face, nodding his head all serious, "yeah."

Conan looks him dead in the eyes and asks, "are you or are you not dating Y/F/N?"

Chris sighs and slaps his lap, "you know," he turns to the audience then back to Conan, "I've been answering this question for what feels like forever, and I feel like no one's listening to me."

"No, no, no, no," Conan shakes his head and his hands, "I'm listening," he motions to his side, "America is listening," the crowd cheers and Chris laughs, "we're all listening."

"Yeah but," Chris chuckles then regains composure, "I keep saying yes, but it's like you're looking for a no."

Conan protests, "well maybe if you weren't so darn confusing, Chris, this would all be behind us!"

Chris boobie grabs himself as he laughs, "you wanna hear the truth or do you wanna hear what you wanna hear?"

Conan looks at him for a moment then bursts, "I wanna hear what I want to hear and that's the truth! This is literally what Captain America stands for!"

Chris raises his hands, "I haven't handled the shield in a while."

"JUST TELL US!"

Chris chuckles and shakes his head, "we're," he sighs, "very close friends."

Conan looks at Chris

Chris looks at Conan.

"Friends?" Conan asks.

Chris nods, raising his hands in defeat, "that's the truth."

Conan's eye twitches.

The crowd begins to boo. Chris gives a look to the audience, "really? You're going to boo me for being honest?" He clicks his tongue.

"But you- and she- and- but the-"

Chris turns to Conan, "it's okay. You'll understand when you're older."

Conan makes a face, "understand what exactly? That love is dead?!"

"Hey! I love my friends!" Chris defends for absolutely no reason, "and I love her bits and pieces, so don't be so dramatic."

"Dramatic?!" Conan shouts dramatically, "you don't love your friends, Chris."

Chris breaks into a chuckle, which morphs into a concerned look on his face, "I- uh... you don't love your friends."

"NO!" Conan shouts back, "I would sell Andy for spare change and some candy!"

Chris loses it as he turns over to Andy, who was spectating everything from the other couch and nods slowly, "it's true. He's tried."

"Aww," Chris chuckles then eventually frowns.

20 min video titled: How Måneskin Is Making Y/L/N-Evans Extremely Volatile

It all started when, *insert clip*:

"I would say my current obsession is this Italian group I encountered."

*CUT*

"They're called Måneskin."

... happened.

Since then, all hell has broken loose.

*CUT TO*

A clip of a red carpet event.

Måneskin is at the AMA's in their suits and the interviewer asks them, "do you guys know that you're Y/F/N's current obsession."

The group all breaks into a smiles and starts getting excited.

The only girl in the group, Victoria, replies with a wide grin, "yeah, yeah! Our fans were freaking out about it."

"I saw it on twitter," the vocalist, Damiano, says, "then," he breaks into a giddy laugh, covering his face, "I started freaking out. I ran to the other room and started telling everyone about it."

The group agrees with him.

"It's like a dream," Damiano shakes his head.

The long haired drummer, Ethan, raises a hand and chimes in, "I love her very much. She is amazing."

"I lover her too," the guitarist, Thomas, adds, smiling.

The interviewer smiles back at them and agrees along, "and I'm sure it's mutual, you guys."

Damiano then, with his mischievous lopsided grin turns to the camera and says, "I don't mind dating older or younger." He points to the camera and shoots his shot in Italian, "if you want to go out with me, call me, "se vuoi uscire con me, chiamami." He seals it off with a wink.

His members turn to him and holler.

The interviewer, living for the drama, asks, "hey, hey, what was that?"

"He asked her out," Thomas laughs.

Ethan continues, amidst his chuckling, "It's like, if she wants a date, call him."

"Yeah right," Victoria says in a scolding manner, "as if she'd go for you."

"Well," Damiano clicks his tongue, "you never know."

"Well, I'm also available," Thomas says.

Victoria knits her brows in offence then says, "me too!"

Ethan, seemingly not sure of what was going on chuckles, "me three!"

There is an argument amongst them in Italian and it's all pretty chaotic.

*CUT TO*

I'm in a sparkly, golden dress for I too am at the AMA's, smiling at an interviewer.

"You have Måneskin quite whipped for you," the interviewer says, making me laugh.

"Why? Did you talk to them, did they say anything?"

"Uh yeah!" she nods, "I just talked to them a few minutes ago they were all all shooting their shot at you. Damiano specifically asked you out in Italian."

I throw my head back in laughter, "what? How do you know that, do you speak Italian?"

"No, but I have my sources, as in their cute drummer Ethan translated for me."

I break into another laugh then fan my face, "well," I click my tongue and wiggle my brows, "I know what I'm going to be doing tonight."

*CUT TO*

A photograph of Måneskin with me in the middle. A normal photo, one with all of us with our tongues out, one where Damiano was carrying me, one with Victoria kissing my cheek.

Yeah that was the equivalent of a forest fire on the internet.

*CUT TO*

A screenshot of these tweets:

@ChrisEvans: Why is everyone telling me to learn Italian? @ChrisEvans: [replying to @ChrisEvans] I have a strong inkling it's not because my maternal grandfather is Italian...

And replies to that tweet

@pepanna: [replying to @ChrisEvans] this man literally ON the internet and still can't google? @marvelsloot: [replying to @pepanna] disappointed but not surprised

@y/nisqueen: [replying to @ChrisEvans] sir, with all due respect, if you're going to lose to anyone, maybe dont to someone half your age ☠️

@steve0ger$: [replying to @ChrisEvans] IF I DON"T SEE AN UPDATE OF YOU AND Y/N IM JUMPING INTO TRAFFIC

@teaishotloser: [replying to @ChrisEvans] ok but chris evans vs maneskin when @donttalktomerat: [replying to @teaishotloser] ngl vic could kill chris no questions @chrissleftboobie: [replying to @teaishotloser] me but chris v simu

*CUT TO*

Chris getting asked by one of the fans at a press con whilst a couch interview.

He makes a face, repeating what was asked of him, "do I have plans on marrying Y/F/N?"

The fans go absolutely livid and scream their head off.

"You guys," Chris makes a face as he grits his teeth, "wrong movie."

His costars and the audience laughs.

The director of the new film he was in says after laughing, dead serious, "answer the damn question, Evans."

Chris turns to him in shock, breaking into a laugh. He points at the woman and says, "hey, I don't like your tone."

Someone in the crowd echoes, "answer the damn question!"

Chris turns to the crowd and chuckles. He places his hands in his pants and licks his lips, "I don't like your tone."

After a moment passes, Chris eventually answers, "well," he pulls out his hand and pats his thigh, "apparently I lost to this Italian band." He pinches his nose bridge then fake cries, "it's over you guys."

*CUT TO*

A clip of someone screaming BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

*CUT TO*

A screenshot of more these news articles:

See: Chris Evans and Y/F/N Lock Lips In An Audi

It looks like they really enjoyed themselves.

Y/L/N-Evans Caught Kissing in Evan's Car

What a time to be alive.

If You Were Wondering If Y/L/N-Evans Is Real, You Have To See This

THEY MADE OUT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Evans and Y/L/N Confirm Their Relationship

But for real this time

Y/F/N: We've been telling everyone we've been dating.

It's time to get that betting money.

*CUT TO*

Onto literally the pettiest video on the internet, this:

"Me or Måneskin," Chris asks as he holds up a phone to my face.

I look at him, past his phone. He covers his face with his phone and whines, "Måneskin or me!!!!!"

"Why are you doing this? Where you paid to do this?"

Chris replies, "I'm trying to prove a point."

I roll my eyes, "Måneskin."

He turns the phone to him and smiles, "see, I told you!"

The comment section of this video:

HELP WHY THE HELL ARE THEY LIKE THIS [13k+ likes] >>>50 REPLIES<<< Because it's real 😌 [1k+ likes]

[camsthesadgirlnow]

i’m desperate for part 3 of step dad rafey

Stepdad rafey 3

warning: smut, 18+, fingering, getting caught, cheating, unprotected sex, food getting ruined, etc

pairings: stepdad rafe x reader, stepdaddy!rafe x fem! Reader, stepdad!rafey

a/n: thank you for 100 followers. I’m so grateful

part 1  part 2  part 4

——

You and rafe have been on and off on fucking. Doing it when your mom was at work, when she was home, even she was sleeping. You just couldn’t get enough of him and he obviously felt the same.

Always feeling the need to be inside you and claiming you. You were feeling quite needy and bold when you sent rafe your nudes and a video captioning it, “this feels so much better than you do.” As you were fucking yourself with a dildo. Let’s hope when he comes home he punishes you.

——

You were in the kitchen trying to bake some brownies when rafe came in. He set down his bag on the floor.

“So what was that you sent me?” He asked looking in your eyes, that almost made you squirm back

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” You say innocently

“hmmm.” He hummed and walked over to you and whispered in your ear.

“You really think that plastic shit is better than me” he slipped a finger in your core making you gasp in surprise

“rafe-rafe” you exclaimed

“Shut the fuck up slut” he grumbles and adds another finger

He starts stroking his fingers up and down causing you to squeal.

“Oh fuck” you moaned “please don’t stop, please don’t stop rafe”

“if you say so” he smirked and took that as your submission. He slipped his fingers out of you and you felt him rip your panties off you. He kneeled and started kissing and licking at your core. You gripped at the table for control.

The only sounds heard in the kitchen were your moans and the wetness of your core.

“rafe fuck im gonna cum, let me cum” you screamed

He tapped your thigh as a way to signal you. You finally let go causing your legs to tremble and soaking his beard in your juices. He stood up and unbuttoned his pants entering inside you.

“Let’s really see who could fuck you better me or that store bought shit.” He said

You leaned down on the table knocking out everything in the way. The bowl full of brownie mix was now on the floor but you could care less about that right now. You just couldn’t stand him with your mother after this. Fucking you and then running upstairs to go fuck your mother as if he doesn’t just spread his cum inside of you.

“l-leave her please” you mumbled

“Huh baby, what was that?” He asked still moving inside your walls.

“please leave her” you asked “I swear I’m so much better than her please rafey. I love you.

The lights turned on “what was that?”

It was your mother standing there with her hands on her hips, angry as ever. Although you both just got caught in the act, rafe didn’t dare to stop.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me- your own mother y/n such an ungrateful little bitch and rafe-“ you cut her sentence short by yelling “fuck rafe go faster.” The adrenaline of getting caught fueling you

She grumbled and stomped upstairs like a child “rafe I’m gonna-ugh”

“Yes baby be a good girl and cum on my cock.” He whispers kissing at your neck

You start to release all over him and a few moments later he does the same. Praising you for doing such a good job for him.

“And to answer your question, I have the divorce papers ready in my car” he smiles “I love you too”

a/n: thank you for reading Also the smut gave me butterflies. Didn’t want to write it for too long bc I can’t write smut unless I’m the only one reading it. Sorry if this was bad. Stay freaky 🎃 <33

btw: look out I always post around 8pm. Also requests are open.

[gra-sonas]

WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE RENEWAL OF ROSWELL NEW MEXICO FOR SEASON 4 THAN WITH A MALEX FIC! 👏

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is all @prouvaireafterdark​‘s fault btw. Lynne posted the screenshot of a tweet yesterday:

A few weeks ago, I tried to literally bore my 3yo to sleep by telling him everything I knew about nuclear and particle physics. It's a fair bit, it was my speciality once. Every night since then, as he's falling asleep, his little voice pipes up: "tell me about atoms daddy."

And she captioned the post Tell me these aren’t Michael Guerin dad vibes, I dare you

Well, I started writing what I thought would be a short ficlet in reply to the dare during my lunch break, but somehow there were a couple more words left to write.

So here are 2.3K (PG) words of dads!Malex and their son. The fic’s also been posted to AO3. 

~*~

It’s Michael’s turn to go through bedtime routine with Matt. Alex snuggles deeper into the warmth of the colorful throw Rosa gave them for Christmas and listens to his two favorites having a deep discussion about the necessity of flossing in the bathroom.

“Papa said I have milk teeth and that they’ll fall out when I’m older. I don’t need to floss,” Alex hears their three year old argue. He snorts. “They will fall out in about three years, that’s a long time for you to still rely on those milk teeth. Come here, Daddy’s gonna floss with you.” Michael’s reply makes Alex smile. He’s so good with Matt. Always happy to explain things, and answering their son’s million questions with the patience of a saint.

He loves Matt’s intriguing mind and his enthusiastic curiosity, but having to explain the ins and outs of cyber security to a toddler after a long day working on improving other people’s cyber security could be a bit much at times. Alex is just grateful that he gets to relax on the sofa and can leave it to Michael to take care of Matt tonight. He takes a sip from his red wine and closes his eyes. What a beautiful evening, and depending on how fast Matt will fall asleep, he has plans to make out with Michael like in the good old days. Just the two of them, in front of the roaring fire.

When he hears the pitter-patter of tiny naked feet on the hardwood floor, he opens his eyes just in time to see Matt speed around the corner, a huge grin plastered on his face. “Look, Papa, my teeth are clean and Daddy showed me how to floss!” He fletches his teeth at Alex, who leans forward to thoroughly inspect Matt’s teeth.

“Wow, you didn’t miss a spot. Excellent job!” Matt flings himself at Alex and wraps his small arms around Alex’s neck. “Daddy has promised to read me a bedtime story. Do you want to come?” Alex wraps Matt into a tight hug and breathes in his scent. Rain, just like his Daddy. Alex presses a kiss into Matt’s dark curls. “I’m a bit tired tonight, Matt, is it okay if I stay on the couch?”

“You stay on the couch and relax, Papa, Daddy and I can handle bringing me to bed.” Alex has a hard time keeping a straight face. “I’m so glad to hear that. Sweet dreams, sweetheart, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow morning.” Matt plasters a flurry of wet kisses all over Alex’s face. “Me, too, Papa. Goodnight!”

He lets go of Alex, and storms out of the living room, passing Michael on his way out, who’s leaning against the door frame. “I won’t take long, we agreed on one bedtime story and me telling him something about the stars. That should put him to sleep quickly. Prepare to be ravished when I come back.” He throws a kiss at Alex who pretends to catch it. “I’m counting on it. I have plans. Wicked plans. I’m in dire need of a mind-blowing orgasm. You up for that?”

Michael pretends to adjust his jeans. “Not yet, but I’ll be, no worries. I’ll blow your mind, and if you’re asking nicely, also your dick,” he smirks. Alex laughs. “My husband’s a sweet talker. Go, get our kid to sleep, and then come back to me. I love you.”

Michael’s wicked smile turned soft. “I love you, too. I hope it won’t take longer than 20 minutes.” He turns around and leaves, the living room door falling shut behind him without Michael touching it. “Showoff,” Alex murmurs fondly, then he wraps himself up in the blanket again and allows himself to drift off for a nap until Michael’s return.

~*~

“Hey, sleepyhead, you still up for that mind-blowing orgasm?” Michael whispers into Alex’s ear almost an hour later. Alex feels Michael’s lips nibble along the sensitive shell of his ear. “Wh—whaaat? How long was I out? Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”

Michael laughs. “Because we have the most inquisitive kid, who wouldn’t let me drone on about astrophysics as a means to bore him to sleep. Instead he thought it was a lesson and he kept asking questions. Dear god, what did we get ourselves into with him?” Michael rubs at his eyes. “He shouldn’t even be able to understand what I’m talking about, that didn’t keep him from asking questions, though.”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not the one with the genius brain who’s literally from another planet. He can’t have it from me,” Alex jokes. But Michael isn’t having any of it. “You’re the smartest man I know. You’ve hacked into NASA secret servers to get a blue print for me. There are very few people on this planet who’d be able to pull that off, and I’m certainly not one of them. He clearly has it from both of us, his current interest is just focused on asteroids and black holes.”

Alex pulls himself up into a sitting position. “Well, I feel quite refreshed and still very, very horny. What do you think about going to bed and working on those mind-blowing orgasms there? I just really want to fall asleep right after in your arms.”

Michael takes the blanket, folds it and puts it down on the couch. Then he offers Alex his hand and slowly pulls him into a standing position and into his arms. He presses his crotch against Alex’s, his dick already getting hard. “I’m very much up for your suggestion.”

~*~

Three weeks later, Alex returns home late after a meeting with a client that went on much longer than he would’ve preferred. The project will earn him a small fortune, though, so he didn’t feel like cutting things short. He takes off his jacket and washes his hands in the kitchen. He grabs a water bottle from the fridge and guzzles half of it down. The long drive back from Albuquerque’s made him thirsty, but he didn’t want to stop for water on his way home. When he hears voices coming from Matt’s room, he smiles.

Alex places the half-empty water bottle on the dining table on his way to Matt’s room. Matt and Michael look up from the book they’re reading (a story about the Milky Way) when he enters, and his heart grows at least five sizes in that moment. Matt may have his complexion and dark hair, but he has Michael’s curls and nose, and they look so much alike, Alex can barely handle the amount of love flooding him.

“Papa, Papa, you are back. I’ve missed you!” Matt scrambles up from the comfortable position in Michael’s lap to stand up, his arms reaching for Alex. When he’s close enough, Matt flings himself into Alex’s arms, and he’s glad that he expected this to happen, or else he might not have been able to catch Matt without stumbling.

He’s still grateful for the invisible force of Michael’s telekinesis steadying him. He keeps standing and holds Matt in his arms, while Matt tells him everything about the exciting day he had at kindergarten. Michael gets up from the bed and kisses Alex’s temple softly before he joins the family hug.

This, this is how Alex hopes it will always be. The three of them, a loving unit. Matt’s running out of things to tell eventually, that’s when Michael scoops him up in his arms. “Come on, buddy, your Papa had a really long day and he looks like he could use a break.” He turns to Alex. “Have you eaten yet?”

Alex shakes his head. “No, they served coffee and cookies during the meeting, but I could eat something more substantial. Like you said, it’s been a really long day, but I booked the job.” Michael’s face lights up. “Alex, that’s amazing. I knew you’d ace the meeting. I’m so proud of you!”

“I’m proud too, Papa,” Matt crows. Alex smiles. “Thanks, sweetheart. I’ll go to the kitchen and see what I can throw together real quick, I’m not really in the mood for cooking. Are you two good to do the bedtime routine on your own?”

Michael nods. “There’s leftover casserole in the fridge, ready to be warmed up. We’re almost finished here, I’ll join you when Matt’s asleep.” Michael leans forward and kisses Alex. Matt hooks his arms around Alex’s neck from his position and presses a wet kiss to Alex’s cheek. “Goodnight, dearest Papa. You did good today, I love you.”

Alex is ready to melt into a puddle right there and then. “Oh sweetheart, that means so much to me. Thank you. And I know you’ll be a good boy for Daddy and go to sleep without making a fuss now. Goodnight, sleep tight, and—“ “Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” Matt finishes the sentence. He giggles. “Goodnight, Papa.”

Michael kisses Alex. “Go, eat, I’ll join you shortly. Love you.” Alex tousles Matt’s and Michael’s curls. “Love you both so much!” With that he turns around and leaves for the kitchen. The last thing he hears Matt ask is “Tell me about atoms, Daddy."

~*~

20 years later

It’s a beautiful and sunny day in Massachusetts when Matthew Norman Guerin, an athletic young man with a wide smile and unruly dark curls walks up to the podium at MIT to give this year’s graduation speech. He doesn’t have a script (he doesn’t need one, he’s memorized the speech days ago), but his eyes search the front row until his face lights up and he smiles.

There they are, his papa, Alex Guerin, a dark haired man with attractive graying temples, and his dad, Professor Michael Guerin, sporting honey golden curls that look so much like Matt’s. His parents are holding hands and look up to the podium with such love and pride in their eyes, Matt has to swallow around a huge lump in his throat.

He clears his throat. “Before I begin my speech, please allow me to tell you something about myself and the two extraordinary people who raised me. It all started about twenty years ago, when my dad would try to lull me to sleep by telling me fascinating details about space and the universe that should’ve gone way over my head. I was only three years old at the time, and yet there was something about the things he told me, that intrigued and excited me. Instead of falling asleep, I kept asking him questions for almost an hour, and he answered them all.”

Matt runs his hand through his hair, a gesture that is so typical Michael, Alex can’t help but smile. Matt continues. “Both my parents have always answered all my questions. And if they didn’t know the answer, we’d look for an answer online, or call my aunt Liz. My family instilled this huge hunger for knowledge in me, and the excitement to do research. I wouldn’t be standing here in front of you without them, and I certainly wouldn’t have been offered a job with the NASA Deep Space program, if it wasn’t for them.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Alex notices the tears pooling in Michael’s eyes and he squeezes his hand. Michael squeezes back. “Dad, Papa, I’d like to thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for always answering my questions, for giving me access to knowledge, for encouraging me to search for answers. I couldn’t have done most of what I’ve achieved in my life without your love and support. I love you.”

The crowd around Alex and Michael erupts into applause. They both have tears running down their faces now, but they don’t mind. This is such an important day, and their boy is up there, best of his class, a bright future ahead of him. Alex leans over and kisses Michael softly on the cheek.

Later, when all the speeches are over and every student has received their diploma, Matt finds his parents in the crowd. His entire family’s in attendance, his grandma, Liz and Max, Isobel and Greg, and all his cousins. But Matt only has eyes for his fathers. He walks up to them - he’s taller than both of them “he’s got that from me,” Greg likes to claim - and wraps his arms around their shoulders.

Alex and Michael close the circle by hugging each other, and for a long moment it’s only the three of them. “I love you, Dad and Papa. Thanks for everything,” Matt says in a hushed voice. “We love you, too, Matt. And we are so proud of you. Thanks for being the best son we could’ve possibly asked for,” Alex says. One final squeeze, and then Matt’s swept up in hugs and congratulations from the rest of the family.

Alex and Michael stay where they are, arms wrapped around each other. “His existence alone is an absolute miracle, a kid carrying both our genes, but this day is up in my top five moments for sure,” Alex says, keeping his voice low. This is for Michael’s ears only. Michael nods. “Yeah, I think our first time, our wedding, and his birth are higher up on my list of favorite memories, but today’s a great day for sure. We did an amazing job with him.”

“I’m so proud of him, and I’m proud of us, Michael. And I love you more than words can say. Thanks for going on this adventure called life and raising our son with me.” Michael smiles and pulls their clasped hand to his lips and kisses the back of Alex’s hand. “I love you, too,” he whispers. “And I have every intention to show you later in our hotel room.” Alex laughs. “You are impossible, Michael Guerin. But yes, please do, I’ll never get tired of you showing me all the million ways you love me.”

And with that, they join the others in celebrating their son.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

10x21: Details

Okay, let’s talk details. And most of these will just back up what I’ve already said about these sequences being callbacks to Grady and leaving Beth behind, as well as foreshadows of finding her again.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 10x21. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

Carol and Dog:

Of course Dog goes with Carol and I noticed that when she gets back to Alexandria, she says, “let’s get you home.” So, home theme, and it’s especially potent because Dog = Beth.

She says to Dog, “For the record, I didn’t need an apology for him.” It’s the ‘for the record’ part that caught my attention, not only because Beth mentioned records at Grady, but Negan said the exact same thing to Daryl about Carol several episodes ago. “For the record, I don’t think she’s coming back.” So, it’s something of a theme.

She tells Jerry the story of the Stone Soup, which to me parallels Rick’s “Rock in the Road” story, which we’ve always thought was about Beth. (X). And I’m not sure how exactly to interpret the rock in either story, but biblically Christ = the rock. So, there’s that.

We see her fixing the solar panels as well. Because of the sunlight angle, that could represent Beth. I’m actually seeing a lot of symbolism here for both Carol fixing Beth in some way and Beth fixing Carol. So, I think this has to do with the template for the future. I think the two of them will come together again, as they did at Grady, and they’ll both be kind of a mess at that point and need to help each other through some stuff. I’ll talk about it in more detail later when I do another forecasting post.

When Dog starts chasing the rat and Carol runs to see what’s happening, he knocks over a lamp. Lamp Theory. And the cord of the lamp has been gnawed on by the rat. So can you see how all these symbols kind of interlock?

When Dog chases the rat and knocks over the pot, Carol has a serious/Sirius mention. She says, “This is serious. We need that food.”

Now, for the record, I think food shortages are going to continue to be a thing, and Beth and the CRM will be the answer to needed resources, so both sides of that sentence are important.

She makes a trap to catch the rat, which I talked about yesterday. Then she goes out looking for more ingredients for the soup. While out there, we see a dragonfly, a blue butterfly, and a spider. All three of those are important symbols. 

They all represent some form of transformation, wisdom, renewal, and fertility.

It’s probably important that Carol uses Leah’s knife to fix the solar panels. Again, just more Beth symbols on top of Beth symbols.

@frangipanilove also pointed out that it’s important that the instant she can’t see the rat anymore, the power goes out. See how that works? Rat (Beth) is unseen and suddenly no sun power.

Carol also says at this part, “there will be more sun tomorrow, right?” That’s super important. Sun = Beth. And ever since AOW, I’ve thought the “tomorrow” theme pointed to the CRM war. So again, just more evidence that this is both a callback and a foreshadow of what will happen with Beth and CRM.

As I said yesterday, Dog watching over Carol as she sleeps = Beth watching over Carol while she’s unconscious at Grady. She also says to Dog, “You miss him, don’t you?” Which is exactly what Beth asked Daryl about Merle in Still.

And then of course she destroys the wall. The next day, Jerry comes to see her, and we get lots of interesting references. There’s the poker, poker face reference. He says, “caring…yeah that’s a problem,” which we’re connecting to Beth’s famous line, “when you care about people, hurt is just part of the package.”

Jerry also says, “2+2=Eureka.” Now, Eureka is an expression which means “a cry of joy or satisfaction when one finds or discovers something.” We’re hoping the 2+2 is a reference to episode 22, and the discovery is that Beth is alive. *fingers crossed*

The song that plays, No Worries by Amateur Blond, has references to dogs in it. And it keeps saying “Oh, oh, oh.”

Of course Daryl returns, Rat gets free, and I especially love how Dog runs to Daryl. Cuz, you know, Dog = Beth. :D

One other thing @frangipanilove​ brought to my attention. The scarf Carol has in this episode can be linked to the scarf she wore in S3. They actually look very similar. Remember that at the prison, when T-Dog died and Lori gave birth to Judith, Carol was wearing a scarf over her head. Daryl found it with blood on it, which led him to assume she was dead. They even created a grave for her. But of course he found her (after finding her knife, btw) soon after and she lived.

It’s just a little too coincidental that this can be connected to a death fake out in season 3, and there’s a major knife exchange going on in the same episode. 

Daryl and Bike:

Okay, so I talked a lot about Daryl yesterday and how Bike = Beth. The part where he gets under the car is really interesting. I’m not entirely satisfied with how to interpret it yet, but I do think it represents leaving Beth behind and stuff that happened during the missing 17 days. 

You could call Daryl’s behavior here destructive. I mean, he crawled under a precariously perched car. And that could represent his depression, to the point of self-harm, after losing Beth. He does find the part he needs in the 3rd car (rule of threes). And that car was somewhat hidden at first. 

He didn’t see it until he’d already reached and checked the first two cars. So, that could represent looking for Beth’s body but there’s an unseen element he isn’t aware of at first. It also parallels the “third man” theory. (X).

When he gets back to the bike, he suddenly realizes he gave the knife to Carol and he needs it. His huge, Rambo knife is just too big to get it into the crevices of the bike to attach the new part. 

I think this is important for the future story line as well. After the spinoff starts, when he and Carol part ways, he’ll give her something and realize he needs it later on. It’s when he goes looking for this part that he’ll run into the CRM and Beth.

I also noticed kind of a cute little parallel here. When he realizes he doesn’t have the knife and he needs it, he sort of does this thing where he brushes his hair out of his face. He did a similar thing in Consumed. 

I just remember a lot of people commenting on how adorable it was. So I thought I’d point it out here as well.

So then he goes looking of Beth, er, I mean a new knife. I talked about a lot of this yesterday: the Beth walker, his limp, the dry river bed, etc. It’s important that he finds the knife with military walkers (probably the CRM). I can’t help but wonder if letting walker fall into the ravine represents him letting one of their communities get overrun with walkers or something. 

I also REALLY want to connect it to when the group did this in Them. In that scene, Rick was almost bitten. Daryl came running up at the last minute and helped him, but I think it’s significant that they were doing the exact same thing there that we see Daryl doing here. I’m thinking it represents something about maybe him finding Rick with the CRM and helping him in some way, or something. Again, just speculating about future storylines here.

But he finds the knife he needs and goes back to the bike. And two more military walkers come at him. Yes, two. You may have missed that, as I and my fellow theorists both did the first time. But one is coming at him from ahead of the bike, down the tracks. 

The other is coming at him from his right side. You can tell because he turns his head to look at it.

Couple of things here. Part of the reason it only seems like one is that they show it weird. We only see him killing the one straight ahead, not the one to the side. I’m sure there’s some symbolism in that, but I honestly have no idea what it is.

But here’s an interesting thing. He finds a second knife on that second walker. It doesn’t do a close up on the second knife, so it’s easy to miss. But there are actually 2 knives.

Not entirely sure how to interpret that, but remember that in Still, there were two knives. First, Daryl gave Beth his, but between rooms in the golf club, she found her bone-handled one that she always carried after that, and gave his back to him. So it might just represent Beth and Daryl and their 2 knives.

He also finds military rations (food) on one of them. As I said yesterday, I think TF is going to get to the point where they desperately need resources. Where food is scarce and even water becomes undrinkable. It will be part of the CRM plot. So I think him finding food on military walkers hints at that. They will need the CRM’s resources to survive.

The other thing I’m curious about is what he says. He says, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” To me, that’s a weird reaction. There are walkers all over the place in these woods. And neither of these two are a massive, immediate threat to him. So his reaction doesn’t make tons of sense. But again, I’m sure it has something to do with a future storyline that simply isn’t clear here yet. 

Also, the walker he takes the knife from is missing his leg/foot. That’s part of the missing foot/shoe symbolism, and just proves in my mind that this is symbolic of something to do with Beth. 

He then sets to fixing his bike. But it takes a while and it’s dark before he finishes. This was super cool and something I missed the first time through. While fixing it, he hears a wolf howl. And they draw attention to it by having Daryl turn his head toward it, as thought acknowledging it. 

Plus, the captions say it’s a wolf, not a dog or a coyote. So, this is wolf symbolism. And I think what they’re trying to say her is that when Daryl finds and “fixes” Beth, the wolf symbolism will be in play. I’ll talk more about what the means and how it MIGHT manifest in coming days.

Finally, he gets the bike fixed and started and heads back.

@wdway​, as usual with her eagle eyes, noticed something about this shot. In the sky above him, we see three stars. They look suspiciously like the “spoon” portion of the Little Dipper. And guys, at this distant, stars wouldn’t even register on camera, which means they were put in purposely with a computer. Daryl is riding toward the spoon/star/Sirius symbol. Just saying. 

The only other thing I noticed (other than all the stuff I talked about yesterday, anyway) is that there is some missing time here. Daryl fixes his bike at night and we see him drive off into the darkness, but by the time he gets back and talks to Carol, it’s late afternoon or early evening, and he’s talking about going to bed. I don’t know if he could have gone out far enough for it to take him that long to get back. Of course, maybe he just looked some more the next day and didn’t come back right away. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But it’s something I noticed.

So, yeah. I think that’s all the details I have. Anyone notice anything I missed?

[stories-and-fan-fictions]

Background: your name is Amanda. Your parents are Elton John and Arabella. She only got pregnant for the attention so your dad divorced her and remarried a very nice and very pretty girl named Jessica. You loves going roller skating at the roller derbies. You work at the studio where your dad records. Your boss is George Martin. You look just like your dad. Here’s how one day went at the roller derby:

Amanda: *you roll in and your eyes immediately go to a very cute boy you’ve never seen before so you decide to approach him* hi

???: hello what’s your name?

Amanda: Amanda John. Daughter of Elton John. Yours?

Andy: Andy Gibb......younger brother of Barry, Maurice and Robin Gibb. The Bee Gees.

Amanda: *you look shocked but blush. You hand him your phone number* maybe we can talk later? Or tomorrow?

Andy: sure!

*after about 3 hours you decide you should head home*

Andy: why not stay at my house?

Amanda: sure I’ll just need to go back to my house to pack a bag

Andy: sure

*you two walk outside and Andy shows you to his car which is a baby blue Ferrari so you decide to compliment the car*

Amanda: nice car Andy

Andy: heh thanks my brothers actually bought it for me for my birthday

Amanda: that’s nice of them

*he opens the passenger door for you and you get in then he gets into the driver seat*

Andy: alright *he drives to your dads house and you run inside to pack a bag*

Elton: where are you going?

Amanda: I’m staying at a friends house *you lied but it wasn’t a full lie because you were friends with The Bee Gees*

Elton: oh ok have fun but not too much fun

*you nod and run back out and get back into the car*

Andy: ready?

*you nod and Andy drives to his house which is a Mansion*

Amanda: Wow

Andy: yeah I know it’s huge.....*he opens the front door for you and you walk in*

Andy: you can either sleep in the guest ro-*you stop him there*

Amanda: can I sleep with you?

Andy: *he smiles* sure babe *he winks*

Amanda: *you blush* heh

*you both walk into the living room and sit on the floor where everyone else is*

*some background: Barry’s married to Lynda and they have twin girls: ash and Alexa. Maurice is married to Lulu and they have a son named Adam. And Robin’s married to molly and they have twins: Melissa and Spencer*

Andy: alright who goes first?

Barry: you

Andy: ugh ok babe truth or dare? *he looks at you*

Amanda: *you blush hard* truth

Andy: will you be my girlfriend?

Amanda: *your face turns as red as a tomato* yes!!!! *you hug andy tightly*

Andy: heh ok ok *he pushes you off and kisses you*

Amanda: heh

Maurice: eyeyeyeye

Andy: s-sorrry......

Maurice: it’s fine next please

Amanda: right....uhh.....*you look at Barry* truth or dare

Barry: uhh *he looks at Lynda smirking* dare

*you look at Andy*

*he whispers sensually into your ear: ask him to have sex with his wife*

Amanda: *you nod* have sex with your wife, Barry

Barry: DEAL *he grabs Lynda’s arm and runs for their room*

*you giggle and andy snickers*

Maurice: really you two? *Lulu grabs him and runs for their room* WAUGHHH

Molly: heh *she grabs Robin and runs*

Robin: WAUGHHH

Andy: how about us babe?

Amanda: *you look away not telling Andy your age and you whisper* no.....

Andy: *he tilts his head* huh?

Amanda: I’m only 16.....

Andy: and? I can afford a kid babe I have a million dollars

Amanda: heh ok babe

*he grabs your arm and runs for his room*

Andy: you ready to do this?

Amanda: yeah.....*you look away knowing your dad will be pissed*

Andy: fuck your dad ok? I can handle a child. We can raise her together here away from your dad. He doesn’t need to be involved in his grandkids if he wants to be like that

*you smile and hug him crying tears of joy*

Andy: heh *he kisses you and hug tackles you to the bed him now on top of you*

*with a snap you’re both naked*

Andy: ready babe?

Amanda: Hell yeah

*he nods, pierces and thrusts fast*

Amanda: ngh

*he pants as he thrusts faster*

*after an hour he releases then pulls out then he cuddles you*

*you smile and you both fall asleep*

*the next day Andy isn’t in sight*

*you run to the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. It reads positive so you run back to your room grab your phone then run to the kitchen and sit down*

Amanda: *you decide to ask someone where Andy is* where’s Andy?

Maurice: On tour. I’m Maurice btw this is my wife Lulu. This is my son Adam. This is my twin Robin

Robin: we’re fraternal Twins. And this is my wife molly and our twins: Spencer and Melissa

Barry: and I’m Barry this is my wife Lynda and our twin girls: ash and Alexa

*you smile knowing your family to be now*

Amanda: thanks for the introductions....*you decide to text Andy a picture of the positive pregnancy test with a caption: I’m pregnant babe! 🤰🏼*

*text conversation*

Andy: 😀😃🥰😍I’m so happy! I’ve always wanted to be a dad!

Amanda: what do you want it to be?

Andy: I’m hoping triplets and all girls 😊

Amanda: heh have you thought of names?

Andy: Yup I was thinking....Peta, Desiree but we will call her Desi for short and Shadow?

Amanda: beautiful names I love them 💜

Andy: have you told your parents yet?

Amanda: no I’m gonna wait till you come home to tell them....

Andy: ok I’ll be home tomorrow. I gotta go shows starting love you babe

Amanda: love you too good luck!

Andy: heh thanks

*you smile and hold the phone close to your chest*

Maurice: what’s the good news? *he’s clearly curious too*

Amanda: I’m pregnant with Andy’s baby of course

*everyone smiles*

Barry: That just means..you and Lynda might go into labor at about the same time because Lynda is pregnant too!

Maurice: Lulu’s pregnant too!!

Robin: Molly is too!!

*you smile and all their kids smile*

Ash: daddy I want a brother!

Alexa: me too!!

Barry: we’ll have to wait and see if it is a brother ok?

*they nod*

Maurice: Adam what do you want the baby to be?

Adam: baby sista!

*Lulu smiles*

Robin: Spencer, Melissa what do you want the baby to be?

Spencer: sista and brother!

Melissa: brother onwy

*molly giggles at that*

Maurice: what does Andy want the baby to be?

Amanda: triplet girls

*Maurice, Robin and Barry snicker*

Barry: when are you gonna tell your parents?

Amanda: when Andy gets home....

Robin: also we should probably tell you we have a sister too

Amanda: r-really?

*they nod*

Amanda: can I meet her?

Maurice: tomorrow

*time skip to the next day when Andy gets home Bc I don’t wanna write out everything that happens that day*

*Andy walks in while everyone’s having breakfast in the kitchen*

*you immediately run and hug him and you can feel three kicks as you hug Andy*

Andy: heh

Amanda: I also heard you have a sister?

Andy: yeah but first let’s call your parents

Amanda: ok....we should tell my mom first but I left-*before you can finish your sentence ash comes running in with your phone and she hands it to you* thanks ash

Ash: you’re welcome!

*you decide to text your mom: can you call me please?*

*she does so and here’s how the call went*

Jess: yes sweetheart?

Amanda: am I on speaker? And is dad near?

Jess: no to both

Amanda: good I wanted to tell you first because I know dads gonna be mad

Jess: ok whys that?

Amanda: well uhh Andy’s here with me....*you look at Andy almost to say: can you tell her? And you whisper to Andy: her names Jess*

Andy: Jess.....Amanda is pregnant and I can support the child because I have over a million dollars

Jess: that’s great news! I’m happy for you both

Amanda: can you tell dad?

Jess: nope you will one second *you can hear her run and after a few minutes she says* ok you’re on speaker and your dads here

Andy: Elton....Amanda is pregnant I can support the child because I have over a million dollars

Elton: *he sighs* fine I’m not mad I’m just happy I get a grandchild from someone.....

Andy: *he looks at you confused* huh?

*you whisper to him: I’ll tell ya later*

Amanda: thanks dad

Elton: anytime

*you end the call*

Andy: what’s he mean by that?

Amanda: I.....I have two older sisters who are married with no kids.....Alyce is married to Freddie Mercury and Olivia is married to Brian May with no kids

Andy: Ah ok and how old are they?

Amanda: Olivia is 21 and Alyce is 20

Andy: Jeez

Maurice: also uhh....Lulu, molly and Lynda are pregnant too....

Andy: congrats!! Also you got a tour tomorrow with the guys

Maurice: oh bloody hell

Robin: I kinda knew about that

Barry: I knew about that

Amanda: can I meet your sister now?

Andy: maybe when everyone gets their first ultra sound....she’s pregnant too

*time skip to 4 months later when all 4 of you get your first ultra sound and all 4 of you get to go into the same room*

*you’re all happy. Lynda’s pregnant with twin boys, Lulu’s pregnant with a baby girl, Molly’s pregnant with twins: a baby boy and a baby girl and you’re pregnant with triplet girls*

*when you’re all done and walk out there’s a strange girl sitting there*

Amanda: who’s that?

Andy: my sister Lesley

*she waves*

[doomedandstoned]

3 Steps To More Engaging Social Media Content

~Bacon's Blog~

Jason Shi of ASG (photograph by Randy J Byrd)

Few things are more frustrating than a social media post that goes nowhere. It happens all the time. We take the time to actually make a post. It takes time and energy and thought. Then it gets four likes. How do you run posts that actually get engagement? Fortunately, I’m here for you.

Given that I have been studying this stuff for years, I’ve learned a thing or two about running a successful social media post. What I have found is that it comes down to an effective caption, having easy to digest content, and then making sure that your content tells a story. Let’s break it down.

3. Effective Captions

This is the biggest place I see bands falling down on Facebook and Instagram. If you don’t have a good caption that clearly outlines what the post is about and gives people a reason to engage you are shooting yourself in the foot.

My personal rule is when posting a memory or something I just try to add two more sentences. This forces me to add details people can connect with, or even better tell some sort of story that might make the post a bit more relatable. Which is a better caption: "Live at St Vitus Bar" or "Live at Saint Vitus Bar last October with our homies in Tombstoner (Who rip btw). I remember our bassist Johnny got ripped and it was hilarious. Shoutout to Dave for booking us!" The second right? And it wasn’t even that hard to do.

2. Easily Digestible Content

This is a huge one. Don’t post poorly formatted content or blurry shots or shit that just doesn’t make you look smart. You want to make sure your posts have a decent level of audio if its a video and that no matter what they are formatted to the platform. That is to say, no hashtags on Facebook and no random @ signs either.

If your content is nicely formatted and well lit, it becomes much more digestible and easy to embrace. If people see that you actually are trying and give some semblance of a shit they are going to be much more likely to want to engage with your content. So often I see bands getting upset they aren’t getting anywhere, but it’s a photo that looks gross, or has a ton of text in it, or just doesn’t make sense. Make your content visually engaging if you want to get reactions.

1. Telling A Story

Humans are special, because we tell stories. This is how we communicate ideas and this is how you make people connect with what you are doing. If you aren’t telling stories, people won’t understand what’s going on. It’s tied into what we discussed earlier with having a long caption. You need people to have a reason to connect.

This can come across with a single picture (maybe it’s a cool shot of you playing to a ton of people) or it can come across your entire feed. Look at how a band like Ghost makes a point of each post fitting into the larger than life Ghost narrative. The point being, when you post a piece of content you need to ask yourself, "How does this fit into my larger overall story?"

As you can see, we can all sort of access higher levels of post success if we take the time to have an effective caption, create content that is actually worth connecting with, and tell a potent story. When you do this you are practically guaranteed to have growth.

Matt Bacon (IG: mattbacon666) with Dropout Media is a consultant, A&R man, and journalist specializing in the world of heavy metal. You can read other articles in the series by clicking the "Bacon's Blog" hashtag below. Matt can also be heard on the Dumb & Dumbest podcast, which he co-hosts with Curtis Dewar of Dewar PR.

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (7/5/17)

Hi lovelies! Here are ALL the requests I’ve gotten since my last posting. Thanks for sending them in! :)

Anonymous said:

can you please make a game where all endings lead to becoming a petgirl? l know you made one kind of with the spacegirl one but it was only 2 ends and it was kind of the same 2 endings so what do you say? (great job with spacegirl game btw! it made me want so much more with the pet idea!) maybe each ending is a diffrent type of petgirl like one a piggygirl and one a puppygirl and one a birdgirl and etc and so forth and one you run and get sleep dart in the bubble butt etc you get where im going.

I’m not totally comfortable with the animal transformation stuff and this would require a lot of manips as opposed to just straight up pics. I don’t do manips myself and ALWAYS ask permission first from other creators, but they don’t always say yes. So I don’t know that I can pull this off. Sorry. :(

Anonymous said:

A sissy who maxes out her Angel Card and is sentenced to service as an Angel to pay off her credit card debt could be fun

I’m assuming you mean Victoria’s Secret Angel, so yes!

@kittystclare said:

Can you do one where a guy named Britt is convicted of a crime while dressed as a girl and sent to women's prison as Britni? And have her turn out looking like Natasha Lyonne? She becomes someone's lesbian lover and is being trained to be a prostitute once she gets to the outside, maybe? Is that a good idea for a cap? Also, thanks for the recent Miley cap! I loved it!

I’m glad you liked the Miley cap! And I can TOTES do this! It’s a great idea for a cap! :D

Anonymous said:

There is an old Teen Vogue photoshoot of Emma Watson and there is a picture of her in a blue skirt, white t-shirt and gold leggings and I was wondering if you could make a caption of a guy named Kyler going into the woods and becoming her.

Sure thing. :)

@sissyhypmaker said:

Please make some captions where men are teasing larger BBW women and they are feminized and punished for it.. Women like Queen Latifah. Oprah, Roseanne, etc..

I’m assuming by BBW you mean like women who’ve got some curves to them. I’ve got at least two in the queue now (one for Queen Latifah, one for Meghan Trainor) but I can totally make more.

Anonymous said:

Please do a Felicia Day Caption. Also I love your work

Thanks, and will do! :)

Anonymous said:

Can you please do a Mary Elizabeth Winstead caption possibly from Fargo?

Totes! :)

@kittystclare said:

Can I request another one, even though I just requested a new one? I saw the Gillian Anderson post the other day and loved it. Can you do one where a guy named Britt is investigating mysterious disappearances, then suddenly in a flash of light, he is engulfed. When "she" awakens, she is now Britni and looks like Scully. She still investigates the paranormal, but also investigates her own mystery, that of the missing cock. She happily goes through a lot of cocks now find her old one.

Ooo, I like it. And I’ve got the perfect GIF for it too! :D

Anonymous said:

Any chance you could make a caption based on the new Jumanji trailer? I'd love to see one of the boys becoming a jungle trope-y woman.

I could try. I’ve already got one with Karen Gillan in her costume right here, but I’ll see if I can give this a shot. It might not work out though, but I promise I’ll do my best.

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption. Whichever works best for you. Either Gwen Stefani has turned a boy into her newest Harajuku girl, or since Gwen Stefani is on the voice. The Harajuku girls kidnapped a boy and have made him the new gwen forced to tour with them, but they are in charge now.

I had to google Harajuku girl because I’ve never heard of them. They look kind of young and I only do caps with subjects & characters who are over 18. If you can send me like a link which gives me their ages (feel free to PM me, I’ll keep it between us) that proves they’re over 18 then sure. But I just want to be careful.

Anonymous said:

Can you do one where a guy named Seth makes fun of a Russian foreign exchange student's accent. So she turns him into a Russian woman, making him mad. And could you use Mila Jovovich?

You bet, sweetie! :)

Anonymous said:

Would you be able too do one about a man who says red headed women are unattractive and guys find them less sexy. Then he wakes up as Deborah Ann Woll and sees a note saying he can only turn back if he can hook up with a man every day for a full year.

OMG, I LUV this! Totes I can do this! :D

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

I've noticed a lot of the captions you write on your drawings are existential in nature. You write interesting little blurbs about the transience of life and the existence/nonexistence of God. Could you tell me more about your thought process behind writing these statements? What message are you striving to convey? (I'm larping as an NPR host btw)

In the comments section there is this description of the process I use when I am writing captions:

"1. Read book or excerpt.

2. Write a sentence in the voice of the narrator or speaker, or whatever is most natural for the material.

3. Re-read sentence, and see if it sounds natural. If not, go back to step 2, and repeat several times until sentence sounds like real narrator/speaker, or something close enough that you are satisfied.

4. Write sentence.

5. Write paragraph, and continue the style until you run out of paragraphs (or, maybe, decide to go another way).

6. Read over and revise paragraphs until you think they make sense and are appropriate for the tone of the piece.

7. Write the pieces you are working on, then make sure they look fine by going back and re-reading them a few times.

This process works well because it is mostly about writing what sounds natural to the character or narrator – which means that I try to write like a narrator who is writing, or who is trying to write a book / a letter / an essay, etc. But, it does often feel like I am writing like a narrator because my actual style is very distinctive."

That description of the process reminds me of something TNC's narrator says in CII:

"I must be boring, and even when I am trying to entertain myself, I cannot be understood."

The narrator in TNC is saying something like "I would like to be entertaining, but as it happens my speech is not entertaining, so I may as well just tell you the truth about myself, which is boring," which is something I have also said.

I am a boring person with no interesting qualities! And I guess I am not actually boring. It sounds better in a voice that is talking like someone who would be interesting in a lot of ways and whose actual speech patterns are not necessarily boring.

Or maybe I'm just trying to sound cool. If I'm saying something like "oh yeah, I'm basically a real estate agent who happened to get extremely obsessed with the concept of the novel and now I can write a novel or a whole series of novels." I'm not exactly supposed to sound cool in that way, because it's just kind of a natural-sounding, ordinary thing you say about oneself, and it does not mean that it would be cool to write a novel about some guy doing that in a novel. But it still is cool, in the same way that people often say "what do you do for a living?" when they are just trying to get conversation going and don't want to talk about their job. The question is still a question people would get, if the person had a novel as their "job" or some other unusual thing that makes them unusual. If I were telling a story about a guy who has a novel as his job and gets up every day to work on his novel, that would make it cool, the same way that "my job" can sound cool.

The narrator of TNC is not supposed to be cool. But it's cool in the same way "I don't know if I'm a real estate agent but I was an English major at the University of Iowa." "I can't stand most of the people I used to work with at my last job." "I do a lot of the same things when I watch TV that you do when you play a game."

I like the style I have developed, but I'm not sure if it comes off as self-conscious coolness. The coolness isn't there because I am a cool person – it's just the sort of thing I tend to say, and would say even if I didn't have all this stuff to talk about. I think people who are trying to sound cool would not do the same thing, and wouldn't say the same things about themselves. I guess I am doing a bad job of talking in a way people trying to sound cool would talk, but I am also a bad example of someone who would talk that way.

[asfeedin]

Proof That Sexy One-Piece Swimsuits Do Exist—& You Can Shop Them RN

Not since the debut season of Baywatch have the words “sexy” and “one-piece” belonged to the same sentence, let alone the same garment. But this season, sexy one-piece swimsuits are back with a vengeance, and they’re here to dethrone bikinis as the must-have beachwear silhouette of 2020. Considering floss-style string bikinis are your only other trending option this season, it’s likely many of you will go the one-piece route, and TBH, I don’t blame you. Personally, I like a lil’ coverage at the beach or pool—of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look sexy AF!

Luckily, super-hot one-piece styles are abundant this year, so we’ve got a ton of options. The key to finding one that nails the balance between tastefully modern and downright provocative? It’s all about paying attention to the cutouts. Find a suit that shows off slices of skin you’re comfortable with, whether that’s a one-shoulder moment to highlight your collarbone, a backless style with coverage for the girls up front, or cutouts at the waist to show off those abs you’ve been crafting. Don’t let it all hang out, per se, but don’t be afraid to embrace your inner sexy beach kween!

Below, 10 sexy one-piece bathing suits that’ll have you forgetting bikinis ever existed. And to sweeten the deal, allow me to present you with a key cost-per-wear pro tip: Throw your favorite one-piece suit on with high-waisted pants or shorts or a cute skirt when it’s time for happy hour, and have everyone complimenting your cute new top. They’ll never know you wore it to the pool just hours earlier!

1. In The Nude

Anne Cole.

Something about a skin-colored swimsuit is ultra-sexy, and the Anne Cole Plunge Halter Waist Tie One-Piece has a flattering deep V silhouette with a tie at the waist to cinch.

2. Knot Yours

Aerie.

Knot into basic swimsuits? Try the Aerie Ribbed Triple Knot One-Piece instead! The knotted openings are far more unique than standard cutouts, and this suit comes in a ton of colors.

3. Shark Bite

Onia.

The zig-zag cutouts on the Onia Betty One-Piece give me sexy Jaws vibes in all the right ways. Bonus points for the cute one-shoulder style!

4. Faux-Wrap

Kingdom & State.

I feel sexy AF in a wrap dress, so I love the faux-wrap detail at the bust of the Kingdom & State Savannah Luxe Belted One-Piece. I’m also ready to replace all other animal prints with this fun giraffe-inspired pattern.

5. White Hot

Swimsuits For All.

White! Suits! Are! So! Hot! Of course, the Swimsuits For All x Ashley Graham collab is a one-stop shop for ultra-sexy suits, and the laced-up Boss White Underwire One-Piece is one of my all-time faves.

  6. Ab Show

Beach Riot.

  7. Belted Up

WeWoreWhat.

The WeWoreWhat Danielle Underwire One-Piece has a thick belt to cinch in your waist, plus bustier-style cups to give the girls a little lift. Va va voom!

  8. One-Shoulder Sexy

Eberjay.

When you combine an oversized cutout and a one-shoulder silhouette, you run the risk of doing too much. However, the sweet pattern on the Eberjay Ibiza One-Piece gives this suit some balance, making it a total must-have.

  9. Mesh Moment

Eloquii.

Is there a hotter material than mesh on this earth? Methinks not! The Eloquii Mesh Detail One-Piece is a surefire stunner.

  10. Deep V

Suboo.

It’s all about the plunge, baby! The Suboo Sophia One-Piece features an earthy brown snake print and the opportunity to show off some major cleavage.

  11. Laced Up

Swimsuits For All.

This Swimsuits For All x Ashley Graham Phython Cut-Out One-Piece also comes in hot pink (!), but something about this turquoise snake print paired with the sexy lace-up cut-outs has me dying to take a thirst trap Instagram post.

12. Cheetah Bardot

Karla Colletto.

A Bardot-style neckline is always sexy AF, and the Karla Colletto Bree Off The Shoulder One-Piece pairs the risqué top with a simple black bottom half for balance. This is one of those suits that would look great with a pair of black shorts at happy hour, BTW!

A version of this article appeared in 2018. Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale and the retailer may receive certain auditable data for accounting purposes.

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Tags: exist, OnePiece, proof, RN, Sexy, Shop, Swimsuits

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[oditile]

Sentiment Analysis of “A Christmas Carol”

Sentiment Analysis of “A Christmas Carol”

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 03:16 PM PST

(This article was first published on  

R – rud.is , and kindly contributed to R-bloggers)

Our family has been reading, listening to and watching “A Christmas Carol” for just abt 30 years now. I got it into my crazy noggin to perform a sentiment analysis on it the other day and tweeted out the results, but a large chunk of the R community is not on Twitter and it would be good to get a holiday-themed post or two up for the season.

One reason I embarked on this endeavour is that @juliasilge & @drob made it so gosh darn easy to do so with:

(btw: That makes an excellent holiday gift for the data scientist[s] in your life.)

Let us begin!

STAVE I: hrbrmstr’s Code

We need the text of this book to work with and thankfully it’s long been in the public domain. As @drob noted, we can use the gutenbergr package to retrieve it. We’ll use an RStudio project structure for this and cache the results locally to avoid burning bandwidth:

library(rprojroot) library(gutenbergr) library(hrbrthemes) library(stringi) library(tidytext) library(tidyverse) rt <- find_rstudio_root_file() carol_rds <- file.path(rt, "data", "carol.rds") if (!file.exists(carol_rds)) {  carol_df <- gutenberg_download("46")  write_rds(carol_df, carol_rds) } else {  carol_df <- read_rds(carol_rds) }

How did I know to use 46? We can use gutenberg_works() to get to that info:

gutenberg_works(author=="Dickens, Charles") ## # A tibble: 74 x 8 ##    gutenberg_id                                                                                    title ##                                                                                               ##  1           46                             A Christmas Carol in Prose; Being a Ghost Story of Christmas ##  2           98                                                                     A Tale of Two Cities ##  3          564                                                               The Mystery of Edwin Drood ##  4          580                                                                      The Pickwick Papers ##  5          588                                                                  Master Humphrey's Clock ##  6          644                                                  The Haunted Man and the Ghost's Bargain ##  7          650                                                                      Pictures from Italy ##  8          653 "The Chimes\r\nA Goblin Story of Some Bells That Rang an Old Year out and a New Year In" ##  9          675                                                                           American Notes ## 10          678                                          The Cricket on the Hearth: A Fairy Tale of Home ## # ... with 64 more rows, and 6 more variables: author , gutenberg_author_id , language , ## #   gutenberg_bookshelf , rights , has_text

STAVE II: The first of three wrangles

We’re eventually going to make a ggplot2 faceted chart of the sentiments by paragraphs in each stave (chapter). I wanted nicer titles for the facets so we’ll clean up the stave titles first:

#' Convenience only carol_txt <- carol_df$text # Just want the chapters (staves) carol_txt <- carol_txt[-(1:(which(grepl("STAVE I:", carol_txt)))-1)] #' We'll need this later to make prettier facet titles data_frame(  stave = 1:5,  title = sprintf("Stave %s: %s", stave, carol_txt[stri_detect_fixed(carol_txt, "STAVE")] %>%    stri_replace_first_regex("STAVE [[:alpha:]]{1,3}: ", "") %>%    stri_trans_totitle()) ) -> stave_titles

stri_trans_totitle() is a super-handy function and all we’re doing here is extracting the stave titles and doing a small transformation. There are scads of ways to do this, so don’t get stuck on this example. Try out other ways of doing this munging.

You’ll also see that I made sure we started at the first stave break vs include the title bits in the analysis.

Now, we need to prep the text for text analysis.

STAVE III: The second of three wrangles

There are other text mining packages and processes in R. I’m using tidytext because it takes care of so many details for you and does so elegantly. I was also at the rOpenSci Unconf where the idea was spawned & worked on and I’m glad it blossomed into such a great package and a book!

Since we (I) want to do the analysis by stave & paragraph, let’s break the text into those chunks. Note that I’m doing an extra break by sentence in the event folks out there want to replicate this work but do so on a more granular level.

#' Break the text up into chapters, paragraphs, sentences, and words, #' preserving the hierarchy so we can use it later. data_frame(txt = carol_txt) %>%  unnest_tokens(chapter, txt, token="regex", pattern="STAVE [[:alpha:]]{1,3}: [[:alpha:] [:punct:]]+") %>%  mutate(stave = 1:n()) %>%  unnest_tokens(paragraph, chapter, token = "paragraphs") %>%  group_by(stave) %>%  mutate(para = 1:n()) %>%  ungroup() %>%  unnest_tokens(sentence, paragraph, token="sentences") %>%  group_by(stave, para) %>%  mutate(sent = 1:n()) %>%  ungroup() %>%  unnest_tokens(word, sentence) -> carol_tokens carol_tokens ##  A tibble: 28,710 x 4 ##   stave  para  sent   word ##       ## 1     1     1     1 marley ## 2     1     1     1    was ## 3     1     1     1   dead ## 4     1     1     1     to ## 5     1     1     1  begin ## 6     1     1     1   with ## 7     1     1     1  there ## 8     1     1     1     is ## 9     1     1     1     no ## 0     1     1     1  doubt ##  ... with 28,700 more rows

By indexing each hierarchy level, we have the flexibility to do all sorts of structured analyses just by choosing grouping combinations.

STAVE IV: The third of three wrangles

Now, we need to layer in some sentiments and do some basic sentiment calculations. Many of these sentiment-al posts (including this one) take a naive approach with basic match and only looking at 1-grams. One reason I didn’t go further was to make the code accessible to new R folk (since I primarily blog for new R folk :-). I’m prepping some 2018 posts with more involved text analysis themes and will likely add some complexity then with other texts.

#' Retrieve sentiments and compute them. #' #' I left the `index` in vs just use `paragraph` since it'll make this easier to reuse #' this block (which I'm not doing but thought I might). inner_join(carol_tokens, get_sentiments("nrc"), "word") %>%  count(stave, index = para, sentiment) %>%  spread(sentiment, n, fill = 0) %>%  mutate(sentiment = positive - negative) %>%  left_join(stave_titles, "stave") -> carol_with_sent

STAVE V: The end of it

Now, we just need to do some really basic ggplot-ing to to get to our desired result:

ggplot(carol_with_sent) +  geom_segment(aes(index, sentiment, xend=index, yend=0, color=title), size=0.33) +  scale_x_comma(limits=range(carol_with_sent$index)) +  scale_y_comma() +  scale_color_ipsum() +  facet_wrap(~title, scales="free_x", ncol=5) +  labs(x=NULL, y="Sentiment",       title="Sentiment Analysis of A Christmas Carol",       subtitle="By stave & ¶",       caption="Humbug!") +  theme_ipsum_rc(grid="Y", axis_text_size = 8, strip_text_face = "italic", strip_text_size = 10.5) +  theme(legend.position="none")

You’ll want to tap/click on that to make it bigger.

Despite using a naive analysis, I think it tracks pretty well with the flow of the book.

Stave one is quite bleak. Marley is morose and frightening. There is no joy apart from Fred’s brief appearance.

The truly terrible (-10 sentiment) paragraph also makes sense:

Marley’s face. It was not in impenetrable shadow as the other objects in the yard were, but had a dismal light about it, like a bad lobster in a dark cellar. It was not angry or ferocious, but looked at Scrooge as Marley used to look: with ghostly spectacles turned up on its ghostly forehead. The hair was curiously stirred, as if by breath or hot air; and, though the eyes were wide open, they were perfectly motionless. That, and its livid colour, made it horrible; but its horror seemed to be in spite of the face and beyond its control, rather than a part of its own expression.

(I got to that via this snippet which you can use as a template for finding the other significant sentiment points:)

filter(  carol_tokens, stave == 1,  para == filter(carol_with_sent, stave==1) %>%    filter(sentiment == min(sentiment)) %>%    pull(index) )

Stave two (Christmas past) is all about Scrooge’s youth and includes details about Fezziwig’s party so the mostly-positive tone also makes sense.

Stave three (Christmas present) has the highest:

The Grocers’! oh, the Grocers’! nearly closed, with perhaps two shutters down, or one; but through those gaps such glimpses! It was not alone that the scales descending on the counter made a merry sound, or that the twine and roller parted company so briskly, or that the canisters were rattled up and down like juggling tricks, or even that the blended scents of tea and coffee were so grateful to the nose, or even that the raisins were so plentiful and rare, the almonds so extremely white, the sticks of cinnamon so long and straight, the other spices so delicious, the candied fruits so caked and spotted with molten sugar as to make the coldest lookers-on feel faint and subsequently bilious. Nor was it that the figs were moist and pulpy, or that the French plums blushed in modest tartness from their highly-decorated boxes, or that everything was good to eat and in its Christmas dress; but the customers were all so hurried and so eager in the hopeful promise of the day, that they tumbled up against each other at the door, crashing their wicker baskets wildly, and left their purchases upon the counter, and came running back to fetch them, and committed hundreds of the like mistakes, in the best humour possible; while the Grocer and his people were so frank and fresh that the polished hearts with which they fastened their aprons behind might have been their own, worn outside for general inspection, and for Christmas daws to peck at if they chose.

and lowest (sentiment) points of the entire book:

And now, without a word of warning from the Ghost, they stood upon a bleak and desert moor, where monstrous masses of rude stone were cast about, as though it were the burial-place of giants; and water spread itself wheresoever it listed, or would have done so, but for the frost that held it prisoner; and nothing grew but moss and furze, and coarse rank grass. Down in the west the setting sun had left a streak of fiery red, which glared upon the desolation for an instant, like a sullen eye, and frowning lower, lower, lower yet, was lost in the thick gloom of darkest night.

Stave four (Christmas yet to come) is fairly middling. I had expected to see lower marks here. The standout negative sentiment paragraph (and the one that follows) are pretty dark, though:

They left the busy scene, and went into an obscure part of the town, where Scrooge had never penetrated before, although he recognised its situation, and its bad repute. The ways were foul and narrow; the shops and houses wretched; the people half-naked, drunken, slipshod, ugly. Alleys and archways, like so many cesspools, disgorged their offences of smell, and dirt, and life, upon the straggling streets; and the whole quarter reeked with crime, with filth, and misery.

Finally, Stave five is both short and positive (whew!). Which I heartily agree with!

FIN

The code is up on GitHub and I hope that it will inspire more folks to experiment with this fun (& useful!) aspect of data science.

Make sure to send links to anything you create and shoot over PRs for anything you think I did that was awry.

For those who celebrate Christmas, I hope you keep Christmas as well as or even better than old Scrooge. “May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!”